#i just can’t get over loki’s mistreatment sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alirhi · 3 years

Text

okay. let's do this shit.

Guess what, bitches? Mama bear's back and angry all over again. Remember when I said I might dive into a ragepost about how Bucky's treated after completing the one about Loki? This is it. This is the post. Welcome to fucking Thunderdome.

I will actually try to keep it civil. No promises, but I'll try. and I will not be accepting "constructive criticism" about my rage. Just so we're clear.

Got it? Good. Let's dive in.

In case you don't want to read the whole thing (I know I get wordy) here's what this whole post will boil down to: BUCKY NEVER HAD A FUCKING CHOICE. NEVER. NOT ONCE IN HIS ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.

Now, quick reminder: I don't read comics. I know nothing about Bucky's comic canon, except what Sebastian liked to bring up as often as possible during TWS/CW promotions: at some point, Bucky boned Nat. XD Since Bucky only exists as a Marvel property, I won't be bitching about other source material being disrespected like I did with Loki. This is all MCU, my dudes. And honestly? That's enough, because though we don't see nearly enough of Bucky for my liking, we do manage to get a rich, deep backstory to him in the material we're given, partly thanks to better writing in the early days of the MCU, and partly thanks to Sebastian Stan's phenomenal acting. Unlike the writers of the Loki series, Seb knows how to show, not tell. And gods, what stories those eyes show...

Let's start with the army. In an old post illustrating what an absolute BAMF Bucky Barnes truly is, I mistakenly said he enlisted, and a kind soul educated me on the incredible attention to detail Marvel used to pay - in this case, Bucky's ID number. 32557038. As this kind, eagle-eyed soul pointed out to me, the first two digits of that number - 32 - signify that Bucky was drafted, specifically from the NY, NJ, DE area (that last part is rather obvious, as Bucky and Steve are from Brooklyn lol). Bucky didn't choose to go to war. He was drafted. He was forced to fight, or go to prison.

Bucky was born in 1917, which means - again, as someone pointed out to me a while back - he came of age during the Great Depression. As a child, he would likely have seen his parents living comfortably and able to shower each other and him and his sister with gifts and fun memories, and then POOF. Stock market crashes when he's only 12-years-old, and life becomes brutal and painful. He manages to have some fun with his best friend Steve, and spends his teens/early 20s chasing girls and keeping his stupid, stubborn, tiny friend from getting beaten to death.

Steve constantly has something to prove. He's absolutely got what my mom always called "little man's disease", and Bucky's just doing his best not to roll his eyes too much at this asthmatic chihuahua constantly trying to beat up Tibetan mastiffs. While Steve keeps lying on his enlistment forms (an actual crime) trying again and again to get into the army and prove what a badass he is (definitely not), Bucky's had enough trauma and upheaval in his life and he just wants his stupid friend to calm tf down and live. Enjoy the fact that he doesn't have to go to war and get his limbs blown off.

And then he gets fucking drafted. This sweet, resigned realist who knows exactly how dangerous the war really is, is forced to put on a uniform and go fight strangers alongside other strangers thousands of miles from everything he knows. And on his last night of freedom, when he just wants to hang out with his friend, see some cool gadgets, and dance with a pretty girl, his stupid angry chihuahua friend feels the need to lie and try to enlist again.

Okay. Gotta get back on track. Ragepost about mistreatment of Bucky, not how much Steve annoys me. Sorry. Anyway...

Bucky's drafted, accepts his shitty lot with a brave smile, and is shipped off to Europe, where he is captured by HYDRA and presumed by the Allies to be KIA. Instead, he's strapped down, tortured, and given the HYDRA version of the super serum against his will. Steve rescues him, and Bucky knows he can't leave his idiot friend to his own devices to get his head blown off, so he dives right back into the fray. And then he falls off a cliff, loses most of his left arm, and is declared dead...again. This one's pretty damn valid, though lol. Without the serum no one knew he'd been shot up with, there is no way he would have survived that fall.

Here is where Bucky's story gets truly heartbreaking: His autonomy, his ability to consent is stripped from him through electroshock torture/brainwashing. The trigger words are conditioned into him during this process, and boom. Ten words in Russian, and Bucky Barnes is gone. Even the confused, hurting shadow of him is gone, leaving only a perfectly obedient killing machine, with Bucky's pretty face. He's strong as all hell, though, so they can't keep him fully under their control for long, not without more torture, when the disorientation of being fucking frozen wears off on longer missions.

I cannot stress this point enough, guys: Bucky. Had. No. Choice. Not like the draft, where his choices (go and get shot at, refuse and go to jail, or dodge and run to Canada) just suck. No, he literally didn't have a choice. He had his ability to choose stripped from him. If that's too complex a concept to really sink in, try this: His brain was fucking raped. Repeatedly. For decades. Nothing the Winter Soldier ever did was Bucky's fault. Nothing. Ever. Not remotely, no matter how you fucking slice it. Bucky is not an assassin. I almost said "not a killer", but he was a soldier, and a sharpshooter. He definitely killed when he was himself, but that was in a war, not a series of assassinations.

So far, imo, so good. This is just a rundown of Bucky's pre-show backstory. I don't love what he had to suffer, but I do love how it was treated in the movies. People were afraid of him, but when they knew the whole situation, Steve, Nat, and Sam rallied behind him. Natasha had plenty of reason to want the Winter Soldier dead; he'd tried to kill her multiple times and almost succeeded. Sam had no reason to help Bucky at all; he didn't know him, didn't trust him, and again, TWS had tried to kill him. But he stood by Steve, and when Bucky showed the clear difference between himself and TWS, Sam stood by him, too, and fought alongside him.

And it's very realistic, imo, that Tony didn't give a single fuck that Bucky had no choice. He watched this man murder both of his parents on tape. If TWS had killed my dad and I saw proof of it, I'd try to kill Bucky, too. Grief wins out over logic. Most emotions usually do. And that's a very important point we're going to come back to in a few minutes.

Bucky was really only in like ten minutes at most of IW and Endgame, and for multiple reasons I hate those movies, so I'm just gonna skip them, kay? Kay. On to the main event!

Here's where I get pissed off. Even if I didn't have an unhealthy attachment to this character, or the depth of appreciation for his tragic backstory that I do, the lack of continuity between the movies and the show alone would still piss me off. It always does. Don't even get me started on Joss "Continuity? What continuity?" Whedon and his (iconic, but flawed) shows. Ahem. Back on track...

Let me just get one little thing out of the way real quick: I fucking LOVE The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I love it. This show amazed me when I first watched it, and I still love it after many more viewings lol. I have only ever watched it all the way through without skipping over as much John Walker shit as possible the one time lol but I love how Sam and Bucky interact, and I fucking adore how Sam's arc was treated. I just wish they'd show the same care and attention to Bucky.

Because what they did to Bucky in this show is a fucking travesty. There was a tiny ray of hope in the pilot, when he called out Dr. Bitchface for being a terrible shrink. I thought that would be the start of him realizing he needed to find someone else and ignore the damaging shit that woman was telling him. But...nope. No such luck.

The show really had a strong start, I'll give it that. We see Bucky having nightmares of his time as TWS and struggling to hide how his traumatic memories are affecting him as he tries to live in the world again. He befriends the father of one of HYDRA's victims, which can't be good for Bucky (and we're shown it's definitely not when he sees the shrine in Yori's home to his late son) but it's sweet, how he's trying to connect and reach out to someone who's hurting and lonely.

They drop the ball a little with the whole... Bucky can hack a fucking car, but can't figure out Tinder thing. Had they just run with the fandom interpretation of the tiger photos line, that it shows that Bucky is bi and left it at that, I'd have been okay with it (and no, that is not because I ship Sam/Bucky. it's because Bucky is and always has been a certified nerd who loves technology and has consistently shown very little issue learning to use new gadgets). The outdated flip phone he handed his terrible court-mandated shrink was a burner; I liked that theory when I read it, especially since it's the only time we see him even holding a phone that old lol. This all could have fit the "Bucky is a sassy bisexual nerd" narrative and it'd be okay. Instead, the director was like "NOOOOOO that line was just to show how old he is and how he can't figure out all this newfangled technology!" Woman, you had him remotely driving someone else's vehicle with a tablet. That is NOT a man who can't figure out a damn smart phone!

But that's just a minor annoyance. What fills me with absolute rage is how everyone - not just the shitty therapist who lashes out at and purposely triggers her traumatized patients, but EVERYONE - Sam, Zemo, people who should fucking know better ALL treat him like he's a psychopath and a ticking time bomb. Like he chose to take the serum and he chose to kill for HYDRA, and he's just seen the error of his ways. *barf*

Bucky in the movies is established to be a victim, through and through. His guilt over what he was forced to do is natural, and that he sees himself as a monster makes sense... but that doesn't mean it's correct. The one and only thing I ever liked about Steve Rogers is at least he got it. He pointed out that none of it was Bucky's fault, he tried to show him that he was worth saving. That's the other reason I refuse to talk about Endgame. This post will get a WHOLE LOT LONGER and a lot fucking angrier if I open that door.

Zemo supposedly knows everything about HYDRA and super soldiers... So why does he treat Bucky like he's a corrupt serial killer? (this, for the record, is why I don't like Zemo) Why does he never point out that Bucky was given the serum against his will, or that his actions, when he had control of them, proved that he was never corrupted? Bucky never wanted to become superhuman. Bucky didn't even want to fucking fight!

Sam, despite constantly resisting the label, is shown very clearly to be Bucky's friend. By episode 3, he cares. He worries about how Bucky is getting lumped in with the other super soldiers in Zemo's speech... But he never really defends him. He says "what about Bucky?" but he doesn't point out that Bucky's a good man, he's fought so hard to help people, he does everything he can to avoid killing... And that fucking speech in episode 5. I was with him on "you gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." I was like "YEAH! Tell him, Sam! Bucky, you're WORTH SAVING, boo! Your value does not hinge on someone else's opinion of you!" And then... Sam dropped the ball.

He not only continued the disturbing pattern of victim-blaming in this show, and in Marvel/Disney properties in general, but he gave really dangerously bad advice! No one in their right mind, mental health professional or no, would EVER tell a traumatized former assassin (whether he was responsible for his actions or not) to go confront his victims' families out of the blue with no warning and no one to mediate and keep things from going to shit. Yori already knew his son had been murdered because he was in the "wrong place, wrong time." How is it being "of service" to tell him you're the one who killed him?! Remember how I said Tony's reaction to learning the full truth about his parents' deaths was valid and would be an important point later? Hi! Welcome to later. THAT is the natural reaction to facing the man who murdered your loved one(s). And even if Yori didn't get angry and lash out, HOW IS IT "HELPING" HIM OR BRINGING HIM "CLOSURE" TO KNOW THAT HIS FRIEND KILLED HIS FUCKING SON?!?!?! This man befriended him, bonded with him, watched him grieve... And now he's learning this is the man who caused all his pain and heartache to begin with? That is so toxic and psycho I just... I can't even... UGH.

And then there's the equally toxic and damaging "deeply traumatized person just needed a stern talking to and a hug to be ALL BETTER AGAIN" ending. I loved seeing Bucky happy and socializing, but it was too soon, and it was unearned. And it sends a fucking awful message to people actually struggling with PTSD, and to their loved ones who don't know how to help them. Heaping more blame on them and then hugging it out is NOT helpful!

This show could have been damn near perfect with just two changes. That's all. Just two. 1) Someone, anyone, bringing up the reasons why Bucky was never a villain in his presence. Someone being in his corner and reminding him, like Steve did, that it wasn't his fault and he's not going to "snap". 2) More time devoted to Bucky's healing. Actual fucking healing, not the shit they tried to pass off as a magic fix-all. He can have his happy barbecue moment, just don't frame it as "everything's great now!" Healing isn't linear, and there will be both good days and bad. Some of the most fragile people in the world have the brightest smiles.

If we get a season 2, which this amazing show absolutely deserves, and they address this stuff, all will be forgiven in my book. Expanding on his story and his journey toward healing will help to reframe that "happily ever after" garbage as something more realistic. But as it stands now... Fuck Marvel.

#fan rant #ragepost #long post #bucky barnes #mcu #captain america #the first avenger #the winter soldier #civil war #tfatws #mcu spoilers #stop victim blaming #victim not villain #never a fucking villain #bucky deserved better #fuck marvel #fuck disney

35 notes · View notes

lokislittlesigyn · 3 years

Text

// loki spoilers

This is basically a huge infodump on my thoughts about the first episode, because I doubt y’all want to sift through my trauma-ridden ramblings. I’ll make another post for the rest. This is just everything not related to the IW stuff/my reaction to that. It’s general thoughts, theories, musings.

1. When Loki gets first taken into the TVA. Is that Peggy Carter in the background? Others have suggested it might be. What would that mean??? Will we see the TVA fix the mess the Russos made with Steve/Peggy (not likely) or is it just a lookalike? Who knows..

2. A skrull at the main intake desk! Idk not super relevant just interesting!

3. I’m kind of glad they changed the... uncomfortable scene... with the robot burning his clothes off. He gets more time to react to seeing the machine itself, and he seems more shocked (”Now.. H-hang on just a minute.”) than angry (”Now hang on just a minute!”) i still feel.. horrible for him, i’m glad nobody Saw him and that the machine didn’t grab the clothes off, but still. Ehhh.. uncomfortable.

He is beautiful though, don’t get me wrong - I’d just prefer a shirtless Loki scene where he wants to be shirtless? let him do what he wants with his body?? he’s probably felt so out of control of his body, from being jotun to falling through space that any invasion of privacy like that hits extra deep...

That being said, I recognize the utility of the scene for the narrative - his lack of control, his literally being stripped of what he was before.

4. WHO IS THE MAN WITH THE CAT. What is his name. I love that he has a mug with his cat on it. But I want to know more. Who is he?

4.1 WHY DIDNT YOU LET LOKI PET THE CAT Please,,, I am begging you,,, let loki pet the cat and have something react kindly to him and purr all happily at his scratching behind their ears plea s e

5. The info sheet. Now this is just a little nitpicky tidbit, but in a previous promo they listed Loki’s height as 6′4 ft and weight as 525 lbs. This is taken directly from the comics if I’m not mistaken. However, in the actual show he’s listed as 6′2 (Tom’s height and Loki’s presumed height) but I don’t remember if his weight is the same. Is Loki 6′2? 6′4? please let me know i want to know how smol i am in comparison

6. His little aggressive shaking of the ticket at the guard makes me giggle each time.

7. The fact the turnstile hits so low on him reminds me,, I am short compared to him. Those things hit my stomach/waist. That one hit his legs. I am once again asking Loki to pick me up.

8. The cartoon with Miss Minutes introducing the TVA is wonderful, I love the art style especially. But it raises questions about Variants... I guess Variants can just, pop out of nowhere? Any action could be the wrong one? And then once you commit the wrong action you either get returned or pruned? Yikes??? And THIS ties into another thing later!

9. The trial scene. I have a hunch - a feeling, a suspicion. That one of three things may be true.

A. The Time-Keepers never actually existed. They’re fabricated, and now whoever runs the TVA is actually using the excuse of “The Time-Keepers decree it so!!!” to carry out whatever They think is right. The fact we haven’t seen the Time-Keepers makes me.. suspicious...

B. The Time-Keepers existed, but they have since passed on, however that may have happened. Now someone is doing the same as above, using the excuse of the Time-Keepers apparent dictations to run things.

C. The Time-Keepers do exist, and do run the timeline/TVA, but maybe they’re not infallible? Maybe the TVA info video is lying or incomplete in some way? Idk I just feel like, something about the TVA and how they run things has to be wrong. It has to? Something is off. Again, this will tie into another thought later...

I have no idea if any of these are actually true! But Loki’s questions of “Who’s in charge here? What do they do? What do you do?” punctuated by laughter leads me to believe he’s suspecting something too, or perhaps just trying to figure this mess out.

10. Seiðr/Magic. We see in this scene, Loki’s magic (”powers”) don’t work in the TVA. (and a quick side note, did he have to Flex like that? do you have to make me see Loki’s bare arms Flex like that? be still my heart. anyway please get that collar off of him and let him rest for five minutes) This makes me wonder.. Why isn’t Loki in his Jotun form? His pale skin and blue eyes are decided by magic, are they not? I suppose this is 2012, so perhaps Odin’s magic is keeping Loki looking like that. But if magic doesn’t work in the TVA, why would his spell reach so far? Clearly Loki’s magic isn’t what’s doing it. How is Loki not appearing as a Jotun? Is his Jotun form repressed - is pale skin his default now, rather than something hidden by magic? I need answers!

11. he sounds so scared about being “reset” please dont hurt him,,

12. cALLING LOKI A PUSSYCAT? (lokitty confirmed) I think Mobius was goading him (Mobius strikes me.. As extremely clever. He’s trying to push Loki’s buttons to see who he’s dealing with. At least, I hope so. Because if he really meant that “You were born to cause pain and suffering and death... All so that others can achieve the best versions of themselves.” and that line about killing Frigga??? No no no he is not guilty. He had no way of knowing what would happen. It wasn’t right to send Algrim up to Asgard (i think algrim wouldve found the way up anyway) but there was no intent to hurt Frigga. I really hope you’re trying to goad him, Mobius, because if you believe that I trust you much less. anyway i digress) but wow is he pushing Loki’s buttons a lot. I can’t... Blame him entirely, I understand he’s trying to make sure Loki’s on his side, maybe I’m just too soft for Loki idk. But some of that was very cruel to say. /:

12.1 AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT MOBIUS. That scene with the girl in the church?? Did that little girl kill the men? Is that young Sylvie? Or is she using an illusion to make herself look young and innocent? What’s going on!!!!

13. LOKI SNATCHING THE LITTLE TIME-TWISTER DEVICE AND STOWING IT IN HIS POCKET.... POCKET....... sorry sometimes i get so caught up about loki that i just say random words in between little noises and squeals,,, i am a silly thing

14. CASEY. CASEY??? That whole exchange is funny. Poor Loki, just trying to intimidate this guy so he can escape but - Casey doesn’t know what a fish is. to be fair.... thor doesn’t seem to know what a raccoon is... right?

15. That bit with the infinity stones is kind of funny until you realize

A. Natasha died for a paperweight

B. Tony died from paperweights

C. Loki was tortured for paperweights

D. Oh, and Gamora died for a paperweight too. And Vision. Need I go on?

Then it becomes less of exclusively “haha funny” and now it’s a mix of funny and pain and gosh, is that a good way to sum up being a Marvel/Loki fan sometimes...

16. Loki gazing at the timeline all “Is this the most powerful thing in the universe?” or something, i’m sorry i don’t remember exactly... made me think of a meme and i shall make it presently.

17. I love that Loki got to see examples of how his family loves him but the fact he’s all “I can’t go back.” really just breaks me. It’s like he can finally see they love him after all of this mess, and now he doesn’t have the chance. Please, please let him be happy. Give him some relief. This is the Loki that just came off finding out about being Jotun, falling from the Bifrost, encountering Thanos, attacking Earth, facing defeat, and now he’s being thrashed around in this wild place and has just found out he inadvertently caused Frigga’s death (he did not kill her: his actions, by mistake, lead to her murder, let me be very clear) AND Odin will die AND all the rest... And he wants to be with them.

18. Loki’s reaction to Thor suggesting the hug makes me soft. Please I want to hug this little mischief man so so so bad-

19. Skipping over the iw parts! That’s for another post because this one will be grossly long anyway.

20. “I don’t enjoy hurting people.” and “It's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate play for control.” was all so, so validating. I’ve been trying to argue on Loki’s behalf for almost a solid decade. Seeing the show recognize that Loki’s not all just violence and hurting for “fun”, that he’s not unhinged and bloodthirsty.. Is so nice. It’s just so, so comforting. and it gives me hope for future episodes that they won’t go the route of “oh haha loki bullied and mistreated and stabbed thor for years!!! :)” loki cries during basically every fight with Thor and you want me to believe he stabs Thor for fun? absolutely not.

21. Theory.. Just another hunch.. So we know a fugitive variant, aka Loki, is running amok. Refer back to 8 and 9.C. What if the Time-Keepers never actually fixed the timeline into a single timeline? What if there are other timelines, and these different Loki variants have hopped over to the current one? Or, maybe the Time-Keepers did fix the timeline into a single one, and these Lokis are remnants from that huge time-war at the beginning? Time runs differently in relative spaces, they may have Just Left that war from their perspective!

I say Lokis and not Loki because we’re pretty sure there’s Female/Lady Loki, Old Man/King Loki, and possibly Young/Kid Loki. That’s at least three. From the peeks of Asgard and NYC we’ve seen from the trailers, I think we’re also getting an Asgardian King!Loki and Midgardian King/Vote!Loki. (unless our dearest variant is hopping into timelines and situating into them, but I doubt Mobius would let that happen..?) That’s five.

To further support this, keep in mind, I believe recently six (i think 6 regular and 6 rare...) different funko pops were announced for the series? I’m not sure if they’re in addition to the Loki and Mobius already released. If they are, there’s enough room for each Loki and maybe a TVA agent. One of the pops is supposed to have a buddy/companion I think? Maybe they’re making the cat guy into one, or maybe there’s something else (Throg, anyone?).

22. That is totally Lady Loki/Sylvie at the end by the way. Has to be. But why does she want the reset devices? Why did she snatch that TVA Hunter? Again, WHAT’S GOING ON

ANYWAY this was a very long post if you made it this far, I commend you.

#no proofread only post #long posts about loki #loki #loki series #loki spoilers #sigyn says WORDS #SPOILER HEAVY

35 notes · View notes

imagine-loki · 4 years

Text

(Sorry, but Frigga’s a mean mama in this one.)

Imagine Loki wanting to bring you to Asgard to tell his family the two of you are engaged. He knows how much it bothered them that he refused to participate in an arranged marriage, and he knows they’ll likely chafe at the thought of him marrying a mortal.

Still, he loves you too much to care.

It crosses your mind that even Thor seemed disappointed when Loki told him the two of you were seeing each other. As if he was trying to be happy for you and Loki, but just couldn’t bring himself to feel that way.

Odin and Frigga probably won’t like you, either.

When you arrive, you’re greeted by disapproving expressions. But Frigga at least pretends to be polite to you. Odin, however, only glares.

As you’re each shown to your respective chambers, you’re sternly reminded not to be in each other’s room.

“Oh, I promise, you have nothing to worry about. We certainly haven’t had—... Um, I mean... Thank you. Thank you, your Majesty.” You’re not sure why Frigga is giving you such a mean look. Maybe she misunderstood you, and thinks you’re implying that her son isn’t good enough for you.

“Do try to be on time for meals, and especially the... banquet. It is in your honor, after all.” She still doesn’t seem too thrilled at you being Loki’s bride.

You unpack, and meet back up with Loki. In a somewhat-private section of the courtyard, of course, so nobody gets the wrong idea.

“They hate me, Loki. They hate me already. I just know it!”

Loki holds you and assures you that you haven’t done anything wrong; they just have to get to know you.

Supper goes well, but you still feel a bit judged. As if they’re scrutinizing everything about you: your upbringing. Your table manners. Even your dress... even though Frigga picked it out.

The next day, the Allmother finds you and Loki chatting in the gardens and says she needs to “borrow” you. She leads you inside by a death-grip on your arm. Once you’re in an empty corridor, she states her business.

She wants you to break off your engagement to Loki.

You’re shocked. Do they really disapprove this strongly? Why would they hate you so much?

“But... I...” Your words falter.

Frigga glowers, her grip tightening as she drags you further through the hallway.

You start to lose feeling in your hand. What happened? You had such high hopes for this visit.

A door is shoved open with more force than you had expected from Frigga. She leads you into the throne room, where a displeased Odin is sitting.

Clearly expecting all of this.

Frigga finally lets go of your arm and trudges to her own designated place in the room.

“As you should already know, young lady, there is a banquet tomorrow night to celebrate your betrothal to Loki.” Nothing about Odin’s tone or expression so much as hints at any kind of mercy or acceptance. “You have until then to call this off and end your courtship with him.”

Your heart feels like it has dropped straight into your toes. You want to believe Loki is somehow on his way to rush in and defend you. He’ll declare that no one will break you up and that he still wants to marry you if it’s the last thing he does.

But he has no idea what’s happening. You’re all alone and frightened.

“Wh-What if...? What if I...?”

“Don’t stammer, child,” Frigga snaps.

“If you refuse?” Odin is just a bit too calm as he speaks. “Are you familiar with the bilgesnipe?”

You gulp, but nod with wide eyes, remembering when Loki told you about how terrified he was as a small child that a bilgesnipe was hiding in his closet.

“There is a place merely kilometers from here where some of the largest, most ravenous bilgesnipe often gather.”

You don’t like where this conversation is going at all.

“If by the end of tomorrow, you and Loki are still seeing each other, and especially if the two of you still plan to marry, you - o, weak, mortal girl - will be exiled to that habitat, to be devoured by the bilgesnipe.”

Your jaw falls open slightly. Fed to bilgesnipe? All because Loki chose love over tradition? You had no idea Asgard was so... so brutal!

“In the unlikely event that even a shard of your bones is left behind, Loki will be allowed that one memento. Perhaps then he will learn.”

The taste of acid fills your mouth. Tears form in your eyes. Still, you do your best to be brave.

“Then... Then you, you can f-feed me to the b—”

You flinch as the door is thrown open again. You instinctively drop to the floor and shield the back of your head with your hands, mentally preparing for anything.

In your panic, you miss the flash of green light beside you.

A strong, familiar pair of arms wraps around you in a soothing embrace.

“My love...”

You recognize your rescuer’s voice. How did he know?

Loki helps you back into a standing position, still holding you close. Still protecting you. “Are you alright? Did they hurt you?”

“Th-The... the bilgesnipe...”

He looks up to glare at Odin. “Bilgesnipe? Clearly, I’m not the monster. I bring not just any guest, but my bride - the woman who will be the new princess of Asgard - and you can’t find it in your heart to be polite? At all? Instead, you choose to mistreat her? Belittle her? Manipulate her? Threaten her?!”

You peek up at Loki’s face, only to wish you hadn’t. The look of pure wrath makes you shrink further against his chest.

He tells them off once more, then calmly states that the two of you will be leaving as soon as you’re packed. “And, if I may be blunt, I have no plans to return to Asgard, let alone bring her anywhere near this place, ever again.”

Once you’re back on Earth, you ask Loki if he’s alright. After all, he vowed never to return to the place he grew up with barely even a goodbye to his parents.

“(Name), darling, I have no use for anyone who refuses to respect you, regardless of who they are.”

Your eyes water at his words, but at least this time you’re not crying out of fear.

“Now, my dear... I don’t believe we have officially chosen a wedding date. Or a venue, for that matter.”

“And the palace isn’t exactly an option.”

Loki hums in thought, eyeing you intently.

“What?”

“What do you think of your dress?”

You look down, realizing that in your hurry to leave Asgard, neither of you changed your clothes. “Um... I wouldn’t have picked it out for myself, but it’s pretty, I guess. Why? What does that have to do with any—?”

“I have an idea, (Name), and I need you to listen very carefully before you answer. We could get married.”

You’re stunned. “What? Today??!”

“Today,” Loki chuckles. He gingerly brushes his fingertips across the top of your shoulder, and you glance down as your Asgardian ballgown morphs into the beautiful dress you fell in love with last month when you passed a bridal shop window.

“But... Today? How would... we...?” Your question dissipates when you see the suit he’s now wearing. (Coherence? What’s that?)

“I understand there’s someone named Justice who can help us out.”

“Justice...?” You think. “Loki, do you mean the Justice of the Peace?”

#God of Mischief #Imagine #Lover #Loki #Angst #Others #submission #taniismean #frigga #odin #married #engagement #feast #warnings

101 notes · View notes

notyetneedcoffee · 4 years

Text

Soul Seer, Pt. 9

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Only loads of angst

Author’s Note: Takes place right after Avengers 1, with time travel elements and hints of Infinity Wars. Does NOT follow cannon after Avengers.

The constant rumble of heavy machinery and the army of workers on the streets never stopped. The organized chaos of the recovery churned on around you as you walked between two of Fury’s men, a few government officials, and Steve Rogers. The destruction from the street, even after several days of clean up, looked nearly insurmountable.

As the group passed pile of rubble, bulldozed against what was once a Post Office, the dark brownish-red smear across a chunk of concrete captured your eye. You’d seen dried blood, lots of it. Your dad and uncles hunted every season. But that wasn’t the dried blood of an elk. Someone died against that broken piece of building. You knew because it was far more than anyone could lose and live.

“Y/N,” Steve’s hand rested against your back, his voice low. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, a bit numbly. “I’m fine.”

He knew it was a lie, but allowed it rest. Instead, Steve just stood a little closer and kept talking. The group discussed the recovery of alien technology, inspected the work being done. Fury insisted you attend, arguing you were the most reliable and direct link for Loki to the outside world. Now you understood.

Fury meant for you to feel the damage and destruction the people of the city felt at the hands of the invading army.

I worked. You felt ill. Being up in the Tower, above the wreckage, isolated from the damage, it’d been easier to focus on the power behind the attack. It’d been easier to focus on Loki as a victim of the Mind Stone and not see the death caused by his attack.

Your group passed a chain link fence blocking off the damaged side of the street from the safe side. Hundreds of photos were attached to it, people still missing or dead. Some people laid flowers. Others strung up balloons. People stared, eyes full of exhaustion and pain.

Their minds battered against you like a storm. Dark sorrow crashed over you like unsettled seas, while flares of anger and fury crashed like lightening. Confusion and worry blew you about. You fought to raise mental walls, but it was all too much. Tears burned your eyes.

Stepping even closer to Steve, your hand slipped into the crook of his arm. He looked down, concerned. “You okay?”

“No.” You whispered, turning closer to him. “Too much. There’s too many, it’s too strong, to shut out.”

His arm came around your shoulder, pulling you close to him. Steve announced with absolute authority, “We’re done. Time to head back. Right now.”

“But,” one of the men began to argue, but fell silent at Cap’s scowl.

“Now.” He turned and led you back to the SUV.

Steve kept you close all the way back to the tower, protecting you from the questions of the others. His calm, sure, presence allowed you to breathe. Still, the sights and the mental impression looped in your mind. You remained so distracted, you didn’t even register where you were until the elevator doors opened and Loki stood before you.

Loki frowned, looking from your tear streaked face to the Captain, who’s arm still held you protectively. He growled low. “What is the meaning of this?”

You looked at him, raw and hurt. For the first time since meeting him, you didn’t want to cling to him to feel better. Some part of you needed to hold on to the pain, needed to keep that tie to the people outside. Slipping out of Steve’s protective arm, you escaped past Loki and disappeared into your suite.

A few minutes later Loki silently entered the room. You had not heard, or felt, the two men fight. It was something. You remained curled on the sofa, feet tucked beneath you, and stared out the window. Loki stepped close, changed his mind and sat at the far end of the sofa.

“The Captain said you were overcome on your outing.” He began softly. “He assured me you did not suffer any mistreatment.”

You didn’t answer.

“He said you became overwhelmed by the,” Loki swallowed, “by the emotions of the victims.”

You chewed your lip, feeling tears slip down your cheek. “You know they don’t even have a death toll yet. They’re still looking for people in the rubble. All of those people have people who loved them, people who are hurting because they are gone. There is so much pain. And I’ve been up here, away from it all.”

Loki stood, marching to the window, his back held stiff as stared out the window. An ugly viciousness slid into his voice. “So, you now come to the realization of what a monster I really am.”

Your head snapped up, irritation flaring. “Not everything is about you.” You stood up and strode over to him, poking a finger in his chest. “I was overcome by other people’s pain. I was shocked by the level of destruction. I am feeling guilty because in the midst of all of it, I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been. So, it’s not about you, Loki. You don’t get to pull that self-loathing bullshit right now.” You were crying full out, shouting at him. “I can’t deal with it and everything else right now! I can’t!”

The utter confusion on his face would have been comical in any other situation. “You don’t hate me?”

“Of course not,” You threw your hands up. “I hate the situation, and right now I feel like shit!”

“My pet,” Loki’s voice softened. He slid his fingers down your arms. You shook him off, stepping away. His hands grabbed, not allowing you to get away, and pulled you to him. Pushing against him, your anger flared and more tears fell.

“Let me go!”

Loki just pulled you tight against his chest. When his lips ghosted over your hair, making soft shushing sounds, all fight left. You wept hard, holding on to him. Loki’s mind brushed against yours, light and comforting. Still, it was enough for him to see the hundreds of photos, the faces, the dried blood.

As your own raging emotions receded to dull ache, deep regret settled over you like a heavy blanket. Loki’s regret was something you did not expect. His arms now held you tight, one hand cradling the back of your head. His face pressed into your hair, his breathing deep.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away.” You murmured into his chest.

“Do not think on it, little one.” Loki’s voice was deep, thick. “I wish I could spare you such sorrow. I would take away all the pain if you’d let me, but I know you would not wish to be numbed of the reality.” He pulled back enough to look in to your eyes, holding your face with reverence. “But as much as I would willing do whatever I could to spare you, I cannot regret finding you. You, my lovely soul seer, set me free.”

You clutched his shirt, face turned up. “You’re right. I will not hide from it. What happened to you was horrid. What you brought down upon the city was horrid. The resulting pain is immense. Still, I will weather it all, because now you are mine.”

Something akin to a whine escaped Loki’s throat as his mouth descended upon yours. His lips soft, as he kissed you with tenderness. Warmth spread through your body and washed over your mind. Bitter sweet and full of tenderness, this was a side of Loki you’d never experienced. Tears slipped from your eyes again, though not from pain.

Loki’s eye shone bright as his lips captured your tears. “Yes, my pet.” he sighed. “And because you are mine, I will do all that I can alleviate the pain so it will burden you no more.”

TAGS

@rainbowkisses31 / @dsakita / @geeksareunique / @lbouvet / @buckybarneshairpullingkink / @theneuropsychwriter / @vanillabunn21 / @sammghgecko / @beautifullungs / @badassbaker / @the-omni-princess / @sebbysstangirl / @jesseswartzwelder / @unadulteratedwizardlove / @the-reading-octopus / @bangtan-serendipity / @kiki5283 / @mindtravelsx / @kneel-before-queen-loki / @thorfanficwriter / @dawnlaufeyson / @theladybiers / @jillilama-blog / @vodka-and-some-sass / @archy3001 / @asgardianthot / @a--1--1--3—3 / @tahiri-veyla / @rinthehufflepuff / @myownviperroom / @kermittheshipper / @ultrarebelheart /@ultracolorfulnerdcollection / @rynabarnesrogers / @alexakeyloveloki / @everything-is-awesomesauce / @1800-fight-me / @notyourtypicalrose / @sex-cee-seabasss / @wwe-fanfiction-queen / @thorfanficwriter / @scarlettsoldier / @morganhoran1671 / @michelehansel / @sexyvixen7 / @readermia / @buchanansebba / @imma-new-soul / @asiaaisa77

#loki x reader #loki fanfic #loki fan fiction #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson x reader #loki fic

148 notes · View notes

loki-darkprince-odinson · 4 years

Note

Hello your majesty! It’s the anon from earlier who felt unsafe in quarantine. Thank you for responding by the way. I’m sorry i didn’t specify earlier but my current situation is that I’m staying with my fiancé’s family and they also insult me and he started to join in too and it’s been going on for months and I’m basically just a shell of who I used to be. Its getting worse everyday and I’m a really positive person but I can’t handle being told I’m worthless everyday. Thx & have a nice day 🖤

*he cracks his knuckles* I hope you’re ready for this, mortal. I have been working on your ask for a few days now. *with the wave of his pale hand, a small cup of steaming tea appears before the mortal* Get comfortable, because it’s a long one. You can either take my advice, or leave it. It is up to you, dear mortal.

First, let’s start with the inside and examine yourself from within. You’ve got to look at your unhealthy traits before searching for anyone else’s to get the most unobstructed view on your family members’ toxic habits. With a full, honest look at your own blind spots, you might be able to understand your part in less-than-fun interactions with these family members. So, before placing blame on your family member, ask yourself these questions: Am I allowing the toxic behavior from my family member to continue? Do I see anything in my family member’s destructive ways that might remind me of my very own flaws? Have I adequately expressed my feelings towards my toxic family members about their words or actions? Do I mirror any of their upsetting or destructive behaviors? Have I upheld my boundaries towards my family members? Or do I lack boundaries altogether?

When it comes down to it, mortal, we can only control our own words and actions. So, it is essential to look at those first. Tap into your own feelings and perspectives, and equip yourself with flawless insight to protect yourself against your nearby toxicity. Once you’ve thoroughly searched your own soul for harmful habits, it’s time to look at where your family members are mistreating you.

Understanding the specific actions that contribute to a destructive family dynamic will help you communicate effectively with them. Gathering from what you’re telling me, I imagine some of the unhealthy or toxic behaviors in your family are, yelling, excessive criticism, invalidating your views, opinions, or needs, condescending language, gaslighting, lack of empathy...nit picky. Yes? So, now, once you have identified your family’s toxic behavior, it is time to sit down with them, and set boundaries.

Setting boundaries will be necessary for the preservation of your own mental health while you’re stuck in close quarters with these cretins. Respecting your alone time, pactice constructive criticism, establishing any off-limit topics (like your weight, or any topic that feels like a violation of your emotional wellness) One sign of a very toxic person is the inability to respect someone’s boundaries. If your family member is breaking any previous barriers you set, you might feel an underlying sense of irritation, or an urge to justify your family member’s behavior.

Remember, mortal, setting boundaries is pointless without the threat of consequences. If you draw a clear line with a family member, be sure to enforce this line and remind them of their promise if they attempt to cross it.

Sometimes family members – especially those with toxic habits – spew rude comments without even realizing they’re being hateful. Instead of reacting immediately, inquisitively ask them why they spoke to you in such a way, or why they’re performing a specific action. People don’t always stop to consider their words before speaking. Asking someone a question about their words may encourage some awareness from them that otherwise wouldn’t exist.

Here’s a little Loki secret: the person who stays the most level-headed in any situation will maintain the most control over it. *he grins at the mortal with a viper-like smile* Of course, control isn’t the goal here (and it never should be in relationships.) But control over your own reactions is highly beneficial while dealing with a poisonous family member. Toxic relationships of every kind can hurt your sense of well-being, which is why creating a theoretical “calm bubble” around yourself is necessary, mortal. It may even be helpful to have a few scripted responses on hand to help you stay serene, such as: “I’m going to step away until you calm down.” “Let’s talk about [anything else] instead.” ”I’m sorry you feel that way.” “That’s very interesting.”

Whether it requires meditation (which I have discussed in a previous ask before) or simply taking a deep breath or two, do whatever you can to remain as calm as possible when interacting with your toxic family member. Yes, it may be tempting to argue, condemn, or express your frustrations in the heat of the moment with them, but to see your family member’s actions clearly, you must separate your emotions from your current position. I will leave you will this last bit. It is concerning to me that you are to wed a man, who, is treating you in such an ill manner. It is his duty as your man and future husband to care for you, nourish you, uplift you, carry you, strengthen you, guide you, love you, respect you, and to protect you physically, mentally, and emotionally. *he shakes his head* Please take some time to truly look within yourself, and ask, are these the hands of a man, who tears you down, worth placing your tender heart into? I do hope things turn around for you, mortal.

So, there you have it. Loki’s advice for the day.

#loki #loki rp #loki odinson #loki roleplay #ask #anon #answered

26 notes · View notes

darkprincessloki92 · 3 years

Text

Request From @Devilbat: I'm requesting a smutty Tom or Loki one shot where the reader Won't give him the time of day. But secretly is in love with him but doesn't want her heartbroken and she is sassy as all hell.

A/N: I will do what I can! Hope you like it! I have no shame just so you know! It won’t be a one shot more like a two parter. Let’s do this!

Warnings; Angst and smut

Part 1 of 2

Walking down the quiet tower, (y/n) silently hummed to herself. Swaying her hips as she does. Not paying particular attention to anyone around. Considering it’s 3 am. Hypothetically no one should be awake. Right? Wrong. Turning the corner almost running into a blank mass. “God, I’m so sorry.” The mass chuckled, “F.R.I.D.A.Y, would you please turn on the lights for lady (y/n).” her heart sank to the ground. After the lights were turned on and her eyes adjusted, taking a good look and realized who she ran into. Loki. Of course, she would run into him. Literally. Wrapping her arms around her waist, staring at the ground. “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone else was awake.” Tucking a strand behind her ear. “It’s alright dove.” Flinching at the contact her eyes squeezed shut. “I have to go.” Looking at his hand, and squeezed it shut. “Why do I bother.” He soon realized that you were wearing your work out gear. That means you will be in the training room. He will head there and find out why you reacted that way.

******

Kicking the bag for the 10th time in a row soon leaning down on your knees. Sweat dripping down your nose. ‘How stupid can you be...you can’t let him control your emotions. You are not worth it.’ Growling she started throwing punches at the bag. Using every broken piece of her heart into each hit. Falling to her knees she clutched her now broken knuckles to her chest squeezing her eyes shut. The hairs on the back of her neck stood tall. As the weight of another body was felt kneeling next to her. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know who it was. Scrunching her nose, “What do you want trickster.” Tilting his head he noticed her hands shaking and bleeding. “Where are you punching the bag of sand?” Scoffing, “No, I was baking cookies.” Loki chuckles, resituating himself in front of her. “Let me see.” Finally opening her eyes to meet his emerald ones. “Why don’t you go read one of your books and leave me be.”

Standing up quickly, she makes her way towards the door. But a cloud of blueish hue and a very flustered Loki stood in her way. “Hey! No use of the infinity stone!” Glaring into her very soul. “Why do you mistreat me so. I have done nothing but show you the affection you deserve. Have you not received the gifts? Or the flowers?” She shifts on her feet, “Yes, I have.” Lifting her eyes to meet his own. “Then why?” Smacking his hand away she runs for the door. Down the halls, and to her room. The door sliding to a close she slowly slides down. The tears flowing freely. “I can’t let him in. EVER.” The A.I system turned on her favorite playlist. Wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y” “Your welcome Mrs. (y.l.n)” the warm shower soothed her aching joints. Her hands still burned. Maybe she deserved this pain.

Once her fingertips became pruned she turned off the shower and wrapped herself in her towel. Throwing her towel on her bed hearing a silky voice. “Now a god can get used to a view such as this.” Squealing she covered herself the best she could. “Dammit Loki, don’t you use doors!” Loki stood in front of her. “Vision does not, why should I?” She sighs. “What do you want.” Her towel wrapping itself around her waist. “Thank you, now answer my question.” Loki plopped down on her bed. “Why do you despise me.” She gasped, “What? Despise?” Wringing his hands, “You barely glance my way. I try to get your attention and yet you pretend I do not exist.” Standing on his feet. Stalking towards her. ”Do you realize how hard It is for me? To freely show any affection to anyone! I bare my heart and soul for you and yet you stomp on it like a fall leaf on the ground.” Now towering over her. ”WHY!”

Finding her bearings, she stands as tall as she can. ”Maybe I do despise you. Why do you care! You think all us mortals are beneath you!” grabbing her shoulders pinning her to the nearest wall. ”Do not try and use your mind tricks on me. You may be one of the favorite spies of the man of iron but it will not work on me.” ”It's called reverse psychology ass. Can't you see it! I am no good for you! And you are no good for me! All I see is girls coming in and out of your room night after night. I will not be another one of your playthings!” slamming his palm into the wall. ”Do you know why I have all these women!” Her eyes becoming foggy. He sneers, ”Do you!” screaming in his face. ”No!” ”Because ever since that first morning you made me tea. I felt something I had not felt since my mother.” she scoffed, ”Gross Loki.” Pushing off the wall he shook his head, ”Love. I felt that someone who didn't know me or my past. A fresh start.”

Her teeth began to chatter. His eyes shot to meet hers. ”GODS you must be freezing! Come.” his cape appeared in his hands, scooping her up he brings her to the bed. Pulling her into his lap. Her body still slightly shaking. ”Loki. I felt something too that day. And it became worse with each passing day. But I got scared. Men in my life come and go like the seasons. Some men think I am damaged. Most don't like that I'm not honest about what I do.” Pulling her tighter, ”But I am no mortal man. I have lived a thousand lives. And been with thousands of women.” smacking his chest, ”Not helping yourself Romeo.” narrowing his eyes at her ”Let me finish.” she giggles. ”Continue.” tucking her under his chin. ”I have had my fair share of maidens. But you, I know will be different. And with your permission, I would like to court you.” She stilled for a moment.

Wiggling out of his grip it was her turn to pace. “Wait, you want to date me? Me? The mortal?” He simply nodded. “But like you are tall and handsome. And I’m just meh.” Loki stood grabbing her trembling hands. “I want you for all that you are. And all that you can and will be. You ma-“ Interrupting his ramble her lips crashing his. Grabbing ahold of her waist and cradling the back of her head holding her as close as he can. Turning to kiss the side of her lips, “Little dove do you not think we might be moving a bit fast?” She grunted, “Shut up and get naked.” Crashing their lips together backing up Loki to the end of the bed. His knees buckled at the contact. She was still bare from the shower. His cold hands roamed over her thighs and her hips. Tucking her hair behind her ear so he looks into her eyes. “Are you gonna fuck me with your clothes on or are you going to undress.” He chuckled, “well you could ride my thigh if you’d like.”

To be continued

@lokis-little-kitten @screw-real-life-i-pick-fandoms

#tom hiddleston #loki #fanfic #nothingbutlove #sexy #romance #kneeling

4 notes · View notes

jess-the-vampire · 4 years

Text

Sky And The Forces Of The Multiverse, Chapter 32

Previous / Next

Sky still hadn't spoke to Angel. The most she gave him was grump gazes when she walked by, angel having a hard time himself meeting her eyes. Angel for the time being never left the hospital wing, as if he was too scared that maybe the second he walked out he'd be grabbed and gone forever, no following the others and barely much speaking other then judas. Internally he seemed to be happy someone still seemed to like him despite this mess, but he still couldn't help but feel like he didn't deserve it. Like he wanted Judas to hate him in an odd way as a response instead of his usual kindness. He still looked a mess, refusing to wear the clothes judas had put out for him and hadn't taken a shower despite judas telling him he should. Sky was probably repulsed because of him and his appearance wasn't helping. The normally fancy looking angel with his hair tied up behind him still wore the tattered, torn, and dirty clothing from the day it happened and his hair was messy and everywhere, the way it covered his face reminded judas of nora when she was hiding behind it more then angel. Guess it figures despite how different angel was, he was still just as stubborn, though for different reasons this time. With his brothers being grounded, sky and the rest of the girls constantly being dragged to meet with janna and talk more about the situation, and nora giving up her freedom to help out and save a life angel was mostly left as the only person he could talk to.

Nora was still in the building, though he got the impression her parents were making her stay where she wouldn't be influenced by him or sky like she had been. Though seeing the king and queen regularly visit the ill spider queen left him wondering if nora had been able to convince them and what their conversation had been. Point in case though, with everyone being monitored and rarely getting to speak one on one, judas and angel were practically stuck together for the most part. Well, there was also loki, or coral, but he somehow got the impression they weren't the best people he could confide in in this situation. Angel still had more to tell anyway, and if sky wasn't stepping up, he had to. "Angel....you really should clean up....you look sick....it's not like you", judas entered, alone this time considering a few times sky had been with him when they had been able to meet up, carrying a bowl of stew for the boy. The boy snorted, huddled up in a blanket, "C'mon, i'll even bring you down to the underworld, my room has a bathroom linked to it, you can use it....change into fresh clothes....I know you don't really want to look like this. And you can't go on trial looking like this either...angelus...please?" "Judas give up on my case, it's over, i'm done...you'll only look foolish trying to do anything to let me off the hook for this, I admitted what i did and everyone saw me, there's nothing to defend and you shouldn't be trying to defend me....you'll only get yourselves in more trouble.", he was stern, he was being serious, he was being stubborn. The demon laid out the boy's food and took a seat next to him, "Angel, we know, we're just trying to at least prevent worse from happening to you, if you explained to them that you were tricked, and lied to, and threatened maybe-". "Maybe they won't decrown me?". "Angel, we're doing this because we care ok?". "You care....Sky...I'm not sure about.". "Sky cares, even if she's not showing it..". Angel puffed his hair from his face. "My parents would kill me if I did what you did y'know....yours are.....very forgiving...". "They're....mad with me....don't downplay it...but...they need me to help....they can be more mad with me once we catch the criminal, working with them....is.....weird...It was already stressful with the girls but...working with my parents under these conditions is....messy, they know things we didn't and we know things they didn't....so I suppose it will help...but if neither of us can get ourselves to work together, we might not stand a chance...it feels like...they're one step ahead of us.....are you sure you can't tell us more about their plan?". "Judas, they told me nothing much about why they did anything, I was only given instructions and promises and....threats....nothing more...I never really knew what they wanted....to me...at the time...I just thought they wanted to help...that....maybe they felt like I did, mistreated...and having anger towards those they felt wronged by...at least...it felt that way....how they spoke to me.....", he went soft, "They knew me judas...at least....it felt like they did....they knew what I did.....they....made me feel like they cared....". "I'm sorry angel...". "Why were you even trying to catch them? For breaking into your castles....?". "It's....more complicated then that....but we can save it till after you clean up....angel if you want to help and try and make up for this in the future you can't do it like this...you need to pull yourself together however you can, If you're ever going to speak to sky...or go on trial.....or help....you can do it looking like this....", angel just stared down at the floor, lost in thought about his words, "Hey.....if you go clean up and change....I'll tell you everything about....why we're doing this..will that make it easier for you?.". It actually seemed to make the boy think it over, he sniffled and his shoulders tensed before he relaxed and gave in. "Fine...I'll....clean up....but....can I eat first?". Judas snickered and nudged the boy. "Yeah....". Angel eagerly took the food, chowing down the stew to fill his stomach, "You didn't have to bring me food....". Though the boy laughed as he watched the hungry spider shove more and more of the stuff into his mouth, "Dude, I bring you food about every time I come to visit you now, I know the food they have for patients aren't all that good and you need your strength. Besides....you seem to really like trying new food...I uh...get the impression most of your home dishes involve insects?". Angel gulped more down, "Insects are a tradition in my kingdom, you eat giant bugs yourself, most monsters love them...". The demon caught on what angel was implying and quickly tried to reassure him, "Oh no no, I didn't mean it as an insult, I love them as well....I just meant...I think you like trying things that you don't get to normally eat back home. You might as well try some new stuff while you're here...I'm sorry, I didn't want to assume too much about your home life...". Angel snorted, "It's fine...my life at home is not particularly the best, it makes me wonder if i'm better off being decrowned....the people don't want me as their king. They sure won't want me as their king after this incident, I could live a life on my own...eating this food....maybe I'd be better off not bothering...". He glanced to judas before turning back to his food, "Even if I truly did make up for my mistakes...that doesn't mean they'll accept me back....nor does it mean my own parents would even want me back.". "Angel....do you want to be king...?". "Yes, of course I want to be king!", angel said with such ferocity that judas was caught off guard, "I....I wanted nothing more then to be king and do everything I could to...help us...but maybe It really is pointless...everything is pointless...my plans did nothing, and my people don't even want me around....it feels like being a useless peasant is where people like me best, I can't exactly cause much trouble if I just....sit around and eat food...". "Angel....if you want to be king, you should be king....being king is your passion, even if you screwed up....kings....well...kings make mistakes...c'mon..there are so many mewmans who don't want me to be king and that's not stopping me....I for one, think you have the potential to be a great king. You take risks, you refuse to let others walk all over you, when you care about someone you really make an effort to make them happy and protect them....". "You think that highly of me? Even after all this still?". "Are you surprised?". "No it's....just different hearing you say it....". He finished up the last of his food before standing, "Judas, let's...let's go...I'm ready to clean up and....hear what else you need to tell me.". - Angel had never been in Judas's room before and judging from his reaction, it was more impressive then his own, trudging through as judas ushered him into his personal bathroom aligned with dark tiled walls or red and black and gothic decor, even down to the skulls on the faucets. "You can use my usual towel, it'll be fine, we got plenty of soap, shampoo, conditioner, body wash....whatever you need, you probably would need the horn cleaner so avoid that. Lemme go get some clothes....I had a few sets made for you that you rejected...". "You're being way too kind to me...."., his almost amazed expression turning grumpy. "Would you rather I let something bad happen to you? It's ok to accept someone's generosity...I'm offering....ok?", angel huffed but said no more as judas placed some clothes on the sink, "Hey....I wish it wasn't like this either...because of the situation, everything that goes through you comes back to my parents....I don't like....telling them this stuff because I know it bothers you...but...I don't want you to be like what happened to nora's parents...but worse....nor sky...or...my brothers....or anyone....I just want to figure out what I can do to help....ok?". "It's fine....it's not like anything you get from me won't make them hate me any more....". "We're going to figure this out....for now we're....just dealing with it how we can...it's all we can do..", judas leaned against the sink, "Angel I'm.....I'm sorry I never tried to form a friendship with you before....I....I know you could've used someone and-", though angel cut him off, pressing a hand to his mouth, "You apologize too much Judas....you need to stop......you said it yourself right? You can't change the past....you can only do better in the future". "Right....you're right...thanks for reminding me...", he looked at angel and back at his shower before detaching himself from the counter and clapping his hands together, "Well, I guess I better leave you too it.....uh...let me know if you need anything and just warn me if you're dressed or not or if it's safe to come in...I don't wanna walk in when you're.....yeah....oh and those clothes are already tailored to fitting your legs, so don't worry about that...". "Just....wait for me....right now i'm not comfortable being alone...being alone with everything going on....doesn't feel safe.". "Yeah, of course...I'll be waiting outside...don't worry about a thing.", judas awkwardly gave him a double thumbs up as he backed out and shut the door behind him, breathing out as he heard the lock behind him click. He headed over to take a seat on his bed, pulling out his compact to check for messages, none from sky but he wasn't surprised, being dragged into meetings with her mom took time away from texting. She hated it, she took no joy in working with her parents, or just her one mom at the moment. She was only more stressed and more frustrated then before. He hoped they would get to talk more, he wanted nothing more then to share some laughs with her right now, take their minds off things for a bit. His ears twitched as he heard the water run on the other side of the bathroom door, at least angel was cleaning himself up finally, he at least accomplished that and it meant angel wouldn't look like he crawled out of a dumpster after being attacked by warnicorns anymore. How he was going to explain to the boy about the multiple dimensions thing was going to be rather weird tho, his parents might not find it weird, but there was no telling with Angel. Or maybe Angel did know? If Her was responsible for bringing them her would that be a detail she'd bring up? Angel would've said something to him by now if that were the case right? He hadn't been weird about the girls it seemed. Judas fell back on the bed and sighed, he was overthinking things again, he needed to relax and wait for angel and they could get everything out there later. He was starting to freak out again, he raised his arm out in front of him, examining it, the image of his arm chomping and biting a suit of armor still fresh in his mind. He'd pushed this in the back of his mind of course, for good reason, his mind only on the cure, but it still managed to find it's way to the front when he couldn't be distracted from it. Bite marks, implied teeth. His arm, had teeth. Yeah, that wasn't scary at all. It sounded like something from a science fiction movie, or a horror movie, or one of those scary books aimed at kids that melaine tended to love. It was still haunting him despite everything, he'd had the arm since his creation but he'd never seen it with teeth before, that was only the kind of things he'd usually see in his nightmares as a child. Imagining it as a being that could gobble him up and take control of the rest of his body, Judas tended to not like being alone like this, being alone meant being left with a lot of thoughts like this that took over his mind, making him anxious and scared. And boy he already knew what could happen if it drove him too far. He was starting to get anxious again, he already missed angel's company and being far away from him only made him feel worse. He sat back up, getting back up and off the bed and walking back over to the bathroom before taking a seat and leaning on the door instead, at least having someone else here reassured him a little and took away from some of his anxiety. Though dinners these days had before more uncomfortable every new session, his parents would probably ask for a new report after it about anything knew judas had heard or gotten from the prince in the shower though judas wondered how long it might last before his parents no longer wanted his assistance. He banged his head against the door behind him in frustration, why did everything have to be such a mess? He tried so hard to maintain everything and it all went so wrong.....was he doing something wrong? "Prince lucitor?". Judas almost jolted, guess his bang had been louder then he thought it was, though angel was clearly shouting over the water to make sure the demon could hear him back in return. Judas suddenly felt embarrased and quickly shouted as loud as he could back, "Uh YEAH? SORRY I WAS....IT'S NOTHING!". There was silence for a moment and judas was certain the conversation was over but Angel called back from his end, "JUDAS ARE YOU SLAMMING YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE WALL FROM STRESS?!" Great, now it was more awkward, if that was even possible. Judas didn't answer, though that didn't stop the spider on the other side. "BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE MYSELF YOU KNOW?! FAILING TIME AND TIME AGAIN...IT'S....IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOUR WALLS!". Judas chuckled, though he wasn't sure if angel was being intentionally funny. "UH, MAYBE WE SHOULD TALK AFTER YOUR SHOWER IS DONE? I DON'T THINK SHOUTING THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING TO DO MUCH BUT GET SOME SERVANTS DOWN HERE TO COMPLAIN!". He felt a smile creep along his face, at least that brought him some joy. He leaned against the door and closed his eyes for a bit, his hand on his compact as he waited for someone to message him, though about 10 minutes later the only thing he heard was the click of the door and the only thing he felt was the door swing open and he quickly scrambled away. Angel was still slightly damp judging by his hair, but looked a lot better, he looked fresher and smelled like lavender. Even if him wearing Judas's clothing was a little strange since the boy was usually seen in more fancy wear and collared shirts and vests, not so much judas's hoodies, comical shirts, and jeans. In fact Judas would argue he looked pretty nice like this even if he would most likely disagree. Angel looked a little confused at seeing the boy on the floor but didn't question it at all, holding out his hand as judas stood up, "Sorry....I might've fallen asleep.". The prince shrugged and looked away from his eyes, "Your clothes are....baggy for me, but....they're warm". "I think you look good.....your hair looks good down...", angel almost seemed to smile as he looked over to the bed and took a seat, "Again, you probably should not be slamming your head against doors or walls, it just...stings....". Back on topic it seemed as judas sighed and headed over, "Look i'm just dealing with a lot of my own problems...sorry for scaring you if I did...I'm....I'm a mess myself...". Angel patted the bed and judas took a seat. "Maybe you shouldn't be helping me while you're...like this...you have your own issues to be worrying about me....", He eyed judas's arm and judas grabbed it, "It's really not that big of a problem angel, I'll manage, even if nora will be...unavailable to help...her book held most of her research y'know and....hey...what happened to that anyway?". Angel's ears flickered, "Nora's book? It is brown, full of papers sticking out...really thick looking and covered in slime?". "Yeah.". "Her....she used that book to bribe me, saying she had the cure from it, and that I'd get it after I finished her plan....but....I never got it....was....details about your curse inside?", judas nodded and angel's expression became more worried, "Judas...they...know about your....condition....I....I don't like the fact they.....judas perhaps you should be more careful....". The boy elbowed him playfully, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna take any deals with her over it, her deals were probably a load of nonsense anyway, no telling they would've kept their promise anyway and wouldn't just stop your people from doing magic once it was over". "No judas I mean....if she knows about your condition....I just....I don't want her to hurt you....". "I'll manage....ok? I'm here and for now we're safe....we can worry about it later....". Angel was silent, he looked like he wanted to say something but held back as he changed the subject, "It just felt....nice for someone to reach out to me...to feel like they understood me, that they wanted the best for me...I...I was a fool for...for falling for her words....". Judas carefully placed a hand on angel's back, "You were manipulated...it's....it's hard......It's why sky has been so....mad with you...Angel I know you had no ill intent and you screwed up and sky knows it too....she....she just feels as manipulated as you feel....". "I didn't try to manipulate her...though...I....I wasn't trying to...". "I'm sure you weren't but....if you found out she was working for her and was probably telling private and personal stuff about you to her that you trusted her with you'd be hurt too...she....she really hoped you weren't involved with this.". Angel hissed, "Well...I WAS ok?! I.....I'm sorry...I......was stupid...I know i did something wrong and I accept it I'm just....I'm really...I have a lot of feelings right now....", he could feel judas comforting him as she tried to keep himself from crying freely, "I just want to speak to her again, She won't even look at me anymore....". "It's going to be ok....you won't feel like this forever, you'll be able to apologize and wrap things up...". "But when? I don't....If she really does want to talk to me and she cares...why....why won't she speak to me?". Judas watched him cup his face with his hands in frustration. "Angel...she needs time...you...just gotta give her time...". "I know I'm just.......I'm afraid she really won't forgive me...waiting is painful...it's....the worst kinda feeling...I don't know what she's thinking or what she'll do....it's scary", the demon felt that, trying to sooth his worries as best he could, "Y'know, me and sky had a fight more recently...Sky wanted to do something but I thought it was risky and dangerous and had the potential to hurt her, but she wanted to do it because she really believed it would make her life easier and help....and...we had a hard time talking for awhile....she felt betrayed....and I was upset about it for days...and so was she...", angel looked up, "And she forgave you...I know, you've told me you fight...you don't have to remind me". "Well, actually, we both forgave each other, sky said maybe I had a point and I said I should have been more there for her......I'm just saying for now she might need more time to think about before you might work it out, and maybe she'll be able to speak to you about it under....less tense circumstances....I just want to give you hope angel, I don't want you to worry she'll never want to speak to you again. Maybe I am repeating myself but I don't want you to lose faith...", his face became very serious, "I'll remind you every day if I have to that it won't be hopeless....". "Don't you feel hopeless with your own problems?" Angel tugged on some of his hair, the demon could swear his pincers popped out from his mouth a few times, "You've had to have felt that way yourself a few times, the cruel people out there against you....it's not fair to you. I......some of the things they say must hurt....they....they made me mad...but then again everyone beats down on me so much at home I should be used to it by this point". "I'm never fully hopeless....i'm just....not the type to give up....". "Oh that's true....you're stubborn judas...well...we all seem to be actually, but you especially are....". Judas smiled. "Hey....it's going to be ok, it all hurts now...but...time heals...and things will get easier...", angel took a deep breath as he parted his hair, turning to face judas fully, "So.....what is the other half of the story you promised to tell me about? It's....nothing I need to be heavily concerned about is it?". The demon's face shifted and he seemed to be unsure, "Uh....I hope not? C'mon....I'll explain on a walk to our private kitchen...you outta get more to eat and I haven't eaten much myself today....been kinda stressed for obvious reasons...". "Do you......have any...buttered rolls down here?". "That....sounds like a plan judas...", the spider quickly followed him out, staying close by and feeling the most safe he had in a long time. - "-Hekapoo literally went searching throughout the entire dimension of cats with human faces for a lead because I guess she ran out of ideas, It was kinda funny though, she came back covered in cat hair and she was so PISSED, though maybe that was because one of my bucket pranks got her like...right after and put out her flame.", Janna seemed to be looking back fondly on the memory as sky looked like her mom had shapeshifted into a extraterrestrial being. She came here to exchange notes to help with their further investigation together, not listen to lousy stories about the high commission being morons. "Ok, but what does that have to do with this investigation?", she asked impatiently, she could be talking to judas right now, or trying to avoid being arrested, literally anything would be more useful then sitting here having her mom waste her time. The queen smiled contently, "It rules out a dimension from having anything to do with our case, also it's just funny.". Sky grumbled, "All you guys seemed to do was tighten security and go to other dimensions or figure out what was going on....". "I mean, we did check mewni, you just gotta check everywhere, also it gave me a reason to grab some fun souvenirs, so that was sweet." Sky looked even more irritated, "Are you serious? C'mon this is is kinda serious? Why are you treating it like it's nothing?". Janna only chuckled, "Sky c'mon, I am serious...but we got this, your mom's amazing at this kinda stuff, me, her and those lucitor dweebs? Been through all kinds of messes, doesn't mean you can be miserable throughout all of them, chin up...". "You sound WAY too confident about this...you guys have supposibly been on all kinds of dangerous adventures....aren't you like..scared? Jude's parents freak about this stuff, shouldn't you panic that...she could...hurt us? She...he...they....they got into the castle before, I came face to face with them! They could've hurt me! You saw what they did to angel, he's real lucky to be alive right now! Like I saw them, they full on intended to wipe his memory or kill him and this isn't time to be making jokes!". Sky saw a glow and only just realized her wand was faintly glowing green before slowly fading back to it's normal pinks and purples as she shot her mother another look. "I just want you to be serious....I....This stuff really bothers me....ok?". Janna sighed and took her feet off her desk, sitting normally now as her arms laid on the desk, "Alright, If it really bothers you that much....sky, c'mon...you're a brave and badass girl....we're going to make it through, you're about as cool as star was....maybe cooler, star never had a secret organization.". Sky huffed, "I wasn't the leader or anything, judas and luna handled this group more then I ever did....I was around to...talk to angel or help occasionally...they came up with the plans and everything...". "C'mon, you won't give yourself credit for anything? I highly doubt you sat in the back and contributed nothing...". "Well It's hard to feel useful when you're surrounded by better magic users and people with useful skill sets...I mean I guess I...helped a monster kid and....I helped nora and....met with katrina....and....befriended angel but....I dunno...". Her mom smiled, "Sounds pretty cool if you ask me...never thought i'd see that kid give up on his protests for you, though i'll admit, i'll miss him being a burden.....it was kinda entertaining sometimes with his antics...". "Wasn't funny to me...". Janna laid her head on her fist, "You're being too down on yourself, you did a lot of things on our own free will you rarely could do before....".The princess shot her a look, "Yeah, but I didn't capture a criminal or save the magic or do anything like you guys did...when people look back on me, they're gonna remember me as the princess or queen who did a few cool tasks but is completely unremarkable in any way whatsoever...or maybe i'll be arrested and dethroned....oh wait, there is already a certain queen with spade marks who got the same deal, so I'll just be queen number two.". "Is that really the main reason you did a lot of this? For recognition? Cause I love you Sky but you make it sound like you did this because Star made you want to be recognized for some great queen thing". "Well, not all of it....of course I wanted to help...I dunno...I guess I thought...maybe this was my chance to really prove myself....like mom had these bad things happen and she got through and it and fixed everything and...I don't see it as a good thing I....", she suddenly felt really embarrassed, "Do....I really sound like i'm treating something bad that happened as an opportunity to...look good? I just....I just wanted to be useful....and...feel useful...I didn't mean to make it sound like...I wanted it for personal gain, I mean...I do wanna help my sisters, and judas, and nora....do...I really sound like I'm doing this for no one but myself?". "Sky....". She sighed. "I'm sorry....I'm a mess....". "Sky, we're all kinda a mess, I might look like I'm not worried, but....I do hope star makes it back ok....I trust her to be ok, but you never really feel better unless she's actually back. She's been on missions before though where she's been gone for days...I just gotta trust her, she wanted to go about this alone while I stick here. Best not to focus on all the misery, you focus on all the misery and you never get things done and have a harder time recovering....I mean you wanna really do this right?". "Yeah...". "Then don't spend so much time wallowing in self pity.....you gotta pick yourself up and keep going, it's not the end. You won't be able to do anything if you keep blaming yourself....you're just lucky you have such cool moms that didn't put you before the Magic High Commission for hiding princesses from alternate dimensions behind their backs.". She winked, "Though we kind have to punish you, so we'll punish you like....after we don't got some creep running around, I mean, as your parents we kinda have to ground you for doing this, but no point in punishing you if something happens to us.". "Well we aren't going to make a lot or progress if you don't share more useful information....right now i could really use something that y'know....actually really helps us?". Janna seemed to be thinking and shrugged, "Well, we tried searching for them anyway we could, spy spell, omni, we sent people after them, had spies actively look for them...but they seemed to evade us constantly...they're sneakier then me, which is really saying something...the weird thing is...they gotta know everything I do if they wanna slip past us that bad...". "They were using old tunnels, it's how they got around if they didn't want to be seen...". "Tunnels don't sound very magical...". "But it does work.....I mean, you would know.". "Touche". "But It's hard to track them...I'm not sure angel even knows where they normally hang out, Mewni is....kinda a big place. They could even be in another dimension besides mewni....ugh...tracking them down seems pointless, we had an opportunity to get them and they had a backup plan." Janna opened one of her drawers and put a file on her desk, "Yeah, about that explosion, since they got smart enough to try and blow everyone up we went out of the way to see what they used....". "And?". "Magic crystal...like the stuff that powers your wand...i mean, the crystals appear when the wand changes but there are forged ones made out there, people just can't really channel magic into them unless they actually use magic, which...they can clearly do. Though this kinda means there's a good chance they have more of these little suckers if they want to make a speedy little getaway, these things are kinda rare though, so where they got them could be anywhere..". "So basically she might be carrying bombs with her then? Fun....", sky leaned back in her seat, "Ok so...the butterflies know about this spell and....well toffee did...but...who else? We don't exactly tell this kinda info to just anyone....so..where did they get it from?", Her mother stood up, handing sky the file, " Honestly, who knows, it could've come from anyone in this family or they could even be a toffee supporter who got it from him, but that's just guessing, we never really knew if toffee was ever associated with anyone besides ludo, and like he'd tell him any of this information, that lizard never trusted this info with anyone.". "I guess maybe in the end...it doesn't matter who they are as long as we can get them....right?", janna simply just shrugged, "You go one way or the other, you figure out who they are and catch them that way or you catch them as is and figure out who they are after, but it seems like trying to find their identity has been harder then it needed to be....but i mean, we got our guards to start interrogating star's family so....I guess that's a good starting point". "How much...do....they have on me?", Sky didn't really want to know but at this point she could use any info she could get to get her off the hook for any potential issues, "It's not that much is it? It's not....too definitive?". Janna made a face that didn't reassure her very much, "Well, your outbrust awhile back already put them on edge, especially with the fact the masked being is some weirdo magic user and green magic has mostly been their signature...". "But that's not-". "Hold on, they also found your hair at some of the crime scenes and evidence of your fingerprints...". "But that's not definitive either, because i went to all those locations during the investigation!!" she stood up and slammed the file on the desk, "To say that had to mean it was me is still.....weird....". Janna eyes the side, "There's....more actually, with you being friends with the lucitors, you being familiar enough with their valuables and their dog is highly possible, you're allied with angel, and you were caught at the scene, at the very least it's hard not to think you're associated, everything kinda comes back to you..". "Nora's parents?". "Agenda against them for never wanting you around their daughter, and wanting the book so you could cure judas....or even you and nora were in on this together and this was your way of getting the book and her to stay here with you....it might've not been intentional....but it all ends up coming back to you in their eyes. They're jerks for trying to convict you so badly and we think they're wrong, but there is a bit stacked against you and it's hard to find anyone else more fitting for now.", she held her hands up,"Not accusing you, but you can see why they think it's you.". "Me being some mastermind telling this guy what to do and how to do it just tells me they barely know me...I'm not the type and i'm not commanding enough to just....make this person do anything, they're being stupid.". her blue eyes wandered back to the desk and the folder, "But I guess it means I know what we're up against....at the very least. You got any advice for what I could do to defend myself? If they use the box of truth I might have to admit.....the stuff you guys don't want them to know about...". "We won't use the truth box for the trial, that will only make things worse for everyone....unless...hmm..we'll think about it". "I'm guessing this meeting is done?". "Got anywhere else you need to be? You're not going sneaking out to find more criminals are you?" , she was being playful but sky clearly didn't find it funny. Sky grumbled, "I need to meet with luna actually...she's....not very patient...and she has kinda a lot to talk about with me....". The queen simply shrugged and sat back down, "I mean, working under your mom who doesn't know you're her daughter probably is weird....". And Sky tapped her fingers against the desk as she bit her lip in thought, "You...haven't told jackie yet about the others...have you? It's already weird enough without her knowing so...". "I'm kinda waiting for star on that one, this is our head knight we're talking about, though I gotta admit...I kinda wanna see that mess. Knowing jackie she'd take it weirdly well though, good chance luna will probably be removed from uh...the knight gang though, I assume she was there to sneak around?". Sky's expression was enough, "Clever girl, though to be honest no wonder she was so good at fighting, I personally thought she was another secret spy.". "Well....she technically was.....". "Well, better not keep her waiting then, she sounds like she could be ready to burst any second". Sky nodded as she grabbed her things and left, the door shutting behind her. Luna was leaning against the wall when Sky arrived and sat on her bed, Luna out of anyone was taking this the least well, and that was saying something. Her biggest thing if anything was keeping their group secret, and now they'd been caught and exposed, her anger was clear on her face. Sky had been dreading having any one on one time with her of all people, though she was sure Luna was more angry at eclipsa then anyone though sky shared some blame in this. Honestly Luna didn't even explain to the girl why she wanted her here, Sky was half expecting to see celeste or any number of the others here, not just herself, so whatever it was must've been pretty personal between them. It's been some time since the two of them were meeting under these kinda conditions, it almost felt like most of their meetings that were one on one were tense and emotional more then anything. Sky almost mising the days they were walking with eclipsa through the woods and eating soup with bugs in it. Sky was expecting since she heard for this to go one way overall, the luna way. "So.....you gonna yell at me?", luna raised an eyebrow but sky was being entirely serious, "I mean, i don't think it's going to do a whole lot....or do you have a plan or something?". Luna huffed and twirled her wand in her hand, letting the words out as if she'd been holding them in since forever, "We've been compromised....this...sky i'm not sure I should stay here. I'm considering going out there myself and tracking them down, I've tracked down criminals before. I could go out there and get out of this mess and take care of the issue myself.". Sky blinked as she processed the words that had just come from luna's mouth, she both wasn't sure if she had expected this but also didn't expect this in the slightest. As she pulled herself together she looked at the older girl almost in disbelief at her declaration. Luna, who was trying to take charge of all the girls and stayed no matter what went down because she refused to give up? She was planning to just leave, go handle it by herself during this time? "You're just planning to leave?", she spatted out. "It's our best chance....we can't wait any longer, I certainly can't do it, i'm here to tell you this and...you can tell judas...."., she nodded to the corner where it seemed she had taken her bag from knight training and stuffed a whole bunch of clothes and food inside, "I've lived on nothing more then rats while working alongside some of the best back home, chasing down wanted criminals and dealing with these stressful situations, but being discovered...not to mention out of my element in this...place...I can't do it any longer...I need to get back to doing what I'm good at....and that is working alone, without distractions.". Sky blinked in surprise, "Wait? You're telling me this, before judas? Why?". Luna didn't answer. "Jude's like the one guy that trusts you in the least bit, don't you want to-". "If I told him he'd try to stop me, tell me to work together and not give up on us....I can't keep waiting on this, I've held out long enough, I need to handle this on my own. You can't use anything on me and don't try to convince me to stay, I can take care of myself out there just fine....I'm sure I'll be in contact with all of you when I choose to, and when I bring back our thief". Sky crossed her arms, her anger now getting the best of her, "Fine, go do it then, if you wanna do this alone go do it". Luna seemed surprised, considering all the other stuff sky did she was probably expecting her to fight back luna's word once again, but sky didn't, in fact she seemed mostly unsurprised it had come to this considering luna herself. Luna had been so used to everyone going against her here it was almost surprising to her to have someone actually say yes to her like they tended to do back home, her grip on her wand loosened and she seemed almost....sad? "No protest?", she asked. "No protest, I got mad with you in the past and maybe it was a little insensitive...so sorry about that, but fine....if you think you'll do better without us...go...". Luna was still in utter awe, as if she still couldn't process it, before getting herself together to her usual cold self, "Huh....alright then...I'll be leaving tomorrow....thank you...for.....coming.". She was quick to usher sky out of her room, guess she wasn't much for long goodbyes. Sky huffing on the way out, Judas would definitely not be happy with sky letting luna just run off and possibly get into serious trouble out there. Though at the same time there was no need for luna to stay, she could come back whenever she wished and would come back if she succeeded or gave up, she clearly wasn't going to just live out there for the rest of her life. Though Sky had the impression another reason she was leaving was to avoid directly speaking to either of her mother's after being exposed. Not like Sky could force her to stay anyway, Luna would go regardless of what Sky wanted, maybe ever erase her memory if Sky actually tried to stop her from trying to leave. She felt....sad....in a way though, there was still something sad about luna leaving after so long, and she almost wanted to go back inside and change her mind though she new luna would never budge. Sky stood there, unsure what to do next when she got a text, it was from judas. Judas: Hanging out with Angel, I explained to him the situation, if you want to join us or talk later, let me know ok? Judas then followed up by sending sky a photo, one of angel attempting to shove several rolls into his mouth, it almost brought a smile to her. Sky sighed, she was going to have to confront angel sooner then later, she couldn't ignore him forever, though she sure tried. If she was going to help him at all she had no choice in the matter, though she felt sick even thinking about it, not even her best friend was enough to make her want to come over. She probably should text judas to tell him about luna but maybe that was something better told in person, otherwise judas might freak out or even drag angel along to see her about it. And sky sure didn't want angel tagging along, not if her life depended on it. Instead she headed on down to the library, needing a quiet place to rest and gather her thoughts and maybe some new info, and seeing sunny there with lexi was actually a relief, galexia surrounded by colorful doodles and sunny enveloped in a book about monster history. She looked overjoyed to see Sky and sky gave her a weak wave as the girl patted the seat next to her. Sky took it and looked at Sunny's book before back to her, "You uh....working on angel's case?", and sunny nodded, her eyes scanning the pages like no tomorrow. Sunny was quite the princess of course, and sky was left wondering if she was able to consume so much knowledge with ease in similar ways to this. "Of course, back home I help all kinds of monsters, I'm studying up to see what we could do to convince whoever is judging to at least prevent worse from happening to him", she quickly flipped to the next page, "It's going to be hard to do a lot because he's clearly guilty and already confessed to a lot of stuff, all we can really do is lower his sentence....if we try and make some case or plea for him since he tried to save everyone and intended to backstab the being, we might put more in his favor...". "You sure it'll work?". "It's better then them dethroning him, if angel does get dethroned who knows what else could happen to him, he's royalty but he's not high royalty like we are...or i am back home. He's from a smaller and more obscure kingdom, someone worse could take over, angel could live out in exile from his own people. The monsters never had a universal kingdom until the Avarius ruled awhile back but they had small tribes and smaller kingdoms among them...like the septarians and the arcahfords...usually when this happened on mewni, it gave way for the butterfly family to take over that land for their own or find someone they trusted to take over...effectively putting it in their hands regardless". "My mom would never-". "No but....It does give room for someone worse to take over...better angel then any of them, if angel wants to rule and he wants to be better, he has time to fix this...but only if people can give him another chance to be better then he was", Sunny quickly finished and went to the next page, "Angel's too young to ever be given the treatment of exile, though I would imagine someone could force him in other dimension if they hated him THAT much...but...right now he's here...so hopefully he'll be protected...I don't get the feeling he's great being on his own.". "Exile sounds....harsh...", the thought of the prince wandering alone in some barren dimension, starving and trying to survive made her stomach drop. God, that could even happen to HER as well under these circumstances, looking around the library, she could feel some of the mewmans inside glaring at her before quickly turning away, making her feel more unsettled. She usually tried to ignore the people bashing her as best she could, but she could feel the rumors she had something to do with this follow her, the whispers becoming louder to her. She was so lost she slightly jumped when sunny responded to her. "It is harsh, sometimes they make a new home out there...sometimes....they don't make it....", Sunny sighed, "Reading about history helps you learn but....it also reminds you of the harshness of reality sometimes...can't say it's a lot of fun thinking about the stuff solaria did , or crescenta....or...well...most of the queens....". Her voice got softer, "If there's alternate dimensions out there...I want to think there are some where...this stuff never happens y'know? I'm sure it's out there...". Sky was silent, though sunny seemed to read her mind. "I'm very sure out there somewhere, things aren't as bad as they seem here...maybe everything is already solved in that universe....but, stuff happens and.....we can keep it from getting less bad if we do our best." with that she closed the book, "If you wanna talk about stuff, you can talk to me too ok? We're sisters after all, we should look out for each other!". Leave it to sunny to be as peppy and cheerful as always, even in the harshest of situations, Sunny placed the book on a pile next to many others before grabbing a list next to the books, leaving a checkmark with a nearby pen. "So....how are all these things going to help angel's case anyway? They're not exactly about stopping royals from being dethroned...". Sky picked up one of the other books, they all seemed to be mostly on monster and mewni history, less on trials and mewni court, which was what she expected sunny would look into when she wanted to help with this case. "Oh? Well, that kinda stuff isn't my strongsuit overall, and like you've said before, we can't do much when he's already guilty....I'm thinking more....we play to the sympathy aspect?". "So......we're just going to tell them how awful it is and hope they don't do it?". "Sky, we don't even know whose judging or how this trial will be conducted, mewni's legal system isn't like earth's....we have many different ways of conducting a trial, when you got truth potions and truth boxes....lying is pretty hard to do, only way that ever screws it up is if the truth of the person telling it kinda like....can mess with things, like if they asked if angel hurt someone.....like if he said no....that's his truth, to him he didn't so he's not lying.....but you might not feel that way about it.....not that he'd probably deny he hurt anyone...if solaria went on trial for monster murder her truth would be that she killed no one since she never saw it as murder". "Hmm.....guess you got a point.". "We should speak on his behalf and for the benefit of his kingdom, and maybe we can change their minds....in order to do that, I think it's important to learn about events similar to this, after the trial...maybe we might be able to appease the kingdom into accepting him back". "It just seems so....complicated...we might not be able to do anything, they might not even listen to us, especially after what we did.....", she didn't know much about earth legal systems but she was sure Melaine and the earth court shows she liked probably didn't represent the real thing. She wanted to help angel, but with the Magic High Commission after her, would her word to help angel even convince them or anyone of anything? Or would they take that as her protecting a fellow criminal? That was a very real possibility. "Better then doing nothing and letting worse happen to him...and....I know you don't want worse to happen to him as angry as you are.", sky was silent and sunny bit her lips, "Y'know.....I'm sure it's really complicated for you....trying to help and defend someone who betrayed your trust and lied to you...you don't have to do anything if it's too weird....". But she shook her head, "No I'm.....I'm mad but....you're right....I don't wanna watch him rot in a prison or get sent off or.....I mean he still decided to defend me...he almost died because he wanted to....yeah...". "Well.....Judas forgave him...so....maybe you can...". "Sunny i'm not like judas...and I can't be judas, Jude's awesome....he's nice and forgiving and it's a lot easier for him to forgive angel for screwing up because angel didn't go from fighting him to being his friend, I mean he wasn't close with him but angel was never antagonistic to him and Judas never like....intentionally tried to hurt him or offend him.". She kicked at the table in front of her, "I can't just forgive him like that....I don't.....I don't like feeling like I was being played....it just....hurts...y'know?". She felt sunny pat her shoulder, and she hugged her arms, "Look, I'm....I'm going to help him...I'm just not ready to forgive him...". "It's cool....just do what you need..you can take it at your own pace....it's uh..I've been there.". "Thanks sunny...". "We're going to do this sky, things are gonna work out, I promise". Sky looked over at Galexia, still drawing as she headed over to check on her, lost in thought, "Hey lexi...uh....drawing anything interesting today?". Galexia was almost always surrounded by mounds and mounds of artwork and Sky wasn't sure how much of it was useful and how much was just her usual scribbles. And as expected, most appeared to be of random things though sky tried to avoid looking at any of them too long, trying to focus on lexi entirely. "Hi sky!", galexia looked up and waved, leaving sky unsure if galexia even heard her at all. Sky waved back, coughing into her fist, "Um....lexi....are there any uh....draws of me or angel you made recently?". Galexia blinked at her, before looking to her own drawings, "I don't remember.....ooooo, you want me to draw you two together?", her eyes were shinning and she looked excited. Sky could feel sunny turning her head to question what sky was doing as sky nodded, "Yeah....uh....draw me and angel, go on right ahead....i'm here if you need a muse.". Sunny quickly hopped over the couch she had been sitting on, heading over to the blue haired princess and giving her a look that sky knew meant she didn't approve, "Look, I'm not looking at the drawings or anything...It would just be...reassuring to know if...me or angel are going to make it through this...y'know? We're kinda in serious trouble and I would like to know if something might happen we could prevent or something?".Sunny was still giving her that look and she crossed her arms, "I know what judas said.....to not get too wrapped up in stuff we don't know for sure will happen...I'm not trying to be...I just want something to make me feel better with all this stress...". Sunny sighed and looked through galexia's mess of drawings before picking one out. "Don't take it too seriously, we don't know how much of this is real or not, but if it'll help you get through this...I can't get too mad.". Sky took it and looked it over, smiling. A drawing of her, judas, mason, landon, angel, nora, and all of her sisters in a group hug. Even if it might not be real, it was something. And she could use all the support she could get. - Sky wandered back to her room, drawing in hand and racking her brain with the info and plans of the other girls, she really needed to get back in contact with judas. They needed to exchange ideas more then ever, she needed her best friend more then ever. Though she was dreading having to tell him about luna, who know doubt was finishing all her packing to leave as early as possible. Ugh, she'd have to see when they'd get an opportunity, though maybe for now she needed some rest. A yawn escaped her mouth as she opened her bedroom door, only to see waiting for her was was boy himself. All 6.5 feet of him, jumping off the bed to hug sky with his demon strength, catching her entirely off guard. "Sky! I'm glad I caught you...I was so worried I'd miss you before my new curfew....my parents allowed me to update you real quick on some things...is....are you ok?", he let her go and sky quickly adjusted herself before laughing, so delighted to see judas after today she almost cried, "Oh i'm fine, you just surprised me is all...don't get around waiting in my room for me like that.". Judas laughed the awkwardness away quickly, "Oops....sorry...I guess i wasn't sure where you'd be, I just knew your room was a mostly private place we could talk.". Sky looked over at the painting she remembered eclipsa could come out of on her walls. "Yeah...mostly is right...". If she was lucky eclipsa wouldn't listen in on anything super private in the confines of her room "Angel decided he still wanted to stay close to his mother, but he'd agreed to wear the clothes I picked out for him and he'll keep cleaning himself up...well...with my shower but still, there's improvement...he'll just be my weird bathroom buddy. So hopefully he'll be ok....I promised I'd get him a compact so he could contact me regularly....and he's gone into more detail about what happened. Not as much as far as her plans, but it's still something....how's your end coming along?". Sky grit her teeth, clutching the paper in her hands, judas taking note of it. "Sky? Is that a lexi drawing?". "It was a gift...yeah....". Judas stared at her, biting his lip, and Sky was quick to answer before the demon prince got worried. "It's just a present.....it's....let me have this one....ok?", she turned it around and judas looked at it before his face softened, "Yeah....ok.". Judas placed a hand on Sky's shoulder, "Don't be embarrassed about it, If it makes it easier for you with everything going on....then yeah...I can't be too upset.". Sky looked more then relieved, "Thanks...I know you're just worried about me....look, everyone's trying to reassure me as best they can and...It's not enough sometimes....it comes back...". "Well, it should....no one can blame you...angel....he's the same way actually...he's constantly worried about everything and I'm not sure if I can ever truly reassure him...I'm doing my best though...". "Well, if we end up stuck in a jail cell together, I guess we'll have plenty of time to talk about it won't we?". "You won't....neither of you will hopefully...". she leaned against the wall, crossing her arms, "My mom went over all the evidence being stacked against me...it's not incredibly solid but it's also not entirely out of the realm of plausibility either considering i was kinda at all the crime scenes and y'know...know the people it affected personally." she kicked the wall with one of her boots, grumbling, "Ugh, it's so unfair! My mom isn't even back yet from the hunt so i haven't even gotten the chance to talk to her about what happened, she's just hearing about it from my other mom and who knows who else!". "Yeah, it's really not fair....my own parents are pretty mad with me, rightfully so....but it all feels stacked against me in a way....I had good intentions and....I'm terrified after this is over they'll go right back to babying me and.....this one's going to be rough sky...". Sky pulled at her hair, "Yeah...I know...I don't think either of us are going to get less stressed.....", she took another look at the drawing in her clutched, sighing, "But we can both at least try to think about the positives and...have hope I guess...". "Well....I have faith in you sky...". She looked up, judas smiling and fixing his hair. "Well....I got faith in you too....". Judas bit at his lip before looking back at sky, "Hey....I wanna ask you about something, I tried to before but so much was happening that...I had to wait...but....are you missing any pages from the book of spells? From your own chapter I mean....". This seemed to perk sky's interest up significantly, she looked at judas as if to process what he just said, her blue eyes puzzled before she raised an eyebrow, "Pages from my chapter in the book of spells? Uh....I don't think so..I haven't been in it in awhile...Glossaryck kinda annoys me...". "Well....Sky...". "You have a page from my chapter right? I don't exactly know where else this could possible be going...", sky stared at him intently, "I guess if you think about it....taking a page from my book is a sure way to frame me as well...ugh...robbing from my book now ? Whoever they are they definitely hate me and want me frozen in rhombulus's rock collection. Ugh....Which page was it? Maybe they took my bubble charm since nora's parents were in a similar looking spell prison...". "Well no, it's your wand section, where you talk about your wand's gems and everything? Landon found it and I only saw it a few times but it had a drawing of your wand and everything, and from what I can tell, that's what it is". Sky perked up, her nose twitching and her eyebrows raised. "Why would they take that? I barely have anything written there outside of complaining about my wand malfunctioning.". Judas's brows furrowed, "That doesn't make sense, the page shows all the details about your wand, right down to how your gems work-". Sky suddenly grabbed his arm, looking at him in the eyes, "What? I didn't write any of that I swear! Someone else must've written in it...they...ugh...they must've violated my page to make me seem more guilty....they really do have a vendetta against me specifically...". She grumbled and gripped her wand, "She must've ripped it out the night of the sleepover...ready to plant it....I never checked the book...so stupid of me...". "Sky...". "Thanks for letting me know jude....I just....first I have to meet with my mom, then luna decides to leave....then Sunny talks to me about the horrible things that could happen if we can't find a way to make this entire thing work..now THIS...what even is today? I can't even get a break it's just one thing after another....". Then she paused, realizing what she just said as judas froze, blinking all his eyes. "Hold on....what's this about luna?". - Judas was quick to throw open luna's door, ready to speak to her and see if there was any chance he might be able to change her mind, only for his jaw to drop. The room was empty, no clothes, no tools, no luna. It looked like it did before she had even moved in in fact, neat and orderly and unused. Luna had said she was going to leave tomorrow, had she been expecting judas to find out sooner and left or did she lie about when she was leaving for some reason? Sky could only see jude's back, but she could tell he looked defeated, as he turned around, sad and broken. Sky almost felt guilty, maybe she should've tried to convince luna to stay, or told judas right away so he had a chance to stop her, but there was nothing she could do now. Luna took off, and she took off sooner then she said she would too, guess in her mind there was no time to waste. The demon rubbed at his face, his voice quieter then usual. "She didn't even say goodbye....". He was hurt, his eyes looking around the room for any sign of her but there truly was nothing, at the very least he had wanted luna to tell him about this, she owed him that much to know didn't she? Maybe not but he felt like she should've said something to him, his eyes widened and he was quick to pull out his compact, hoping to text her. Though Luna was way ahead on him on that, and he must not have noticed she already sent him a text out. Luna: Do not text me, you may alert nearby enemies/ or have me caught, my location is to remain private. His shoulders sagged once again as he re pocketed the device. He hadn't been entirely preparing for this to happen, he knew it could happen because luna was just this kinda person, but he wasn't ready for her to just...do it. He was going to have to let the other girls know and soon enough their parents were going to know and who knows what would happen when they told them, would they send guards after her? The commission? Would they got after her themselves? With her wand who knows if luna could stop them all. He wouldn't put it past her though. She wouldn't be gone permanently, whether they found the solution or she caught the guy they would see her again, but that didn't remove the fact this clearly hurt judas and sky felt immensely guilty, trying to reach our to comfort him as he wiped at his face. "No no...I gotta be strong...luna will....she can take care of herself...I know it...", he retained his posture, though sky could tell he was still upset as he shut the door once more, "I...I should get home....right away....we'll talk tomorrow...ok?". She could only manage a nod, feeling immensely guilty despite knowing he'd forgive her for it considering luna wasn't one to betray. She got so excited about seeing him and now they got sent off like this? Was fate just trying to worsen her day more then It already was? Judas was the person she trusted the most and now she was worried she was worried she was making him mad. She tried to shake the thoughts out but she still felt pretty bad. Judas looked at her for a bit before putting a hand on her shoulder, patting it, trying to be as comforting as he could to his best friend, "Be safe....". He was turning around to leave though quickly and almost starling him he felt his best friend hug him from behind. Sky shoved her face into his jacket, and judas sighed to himself before smiling, "Sky....It's ok...I'll be ok....I....I knew this could happen..luna's been....she's been so difficult about this for awhile....I tried my best to keep her in good graces but....I guess it wasn't enough.....It's not your fault...". She hugged him tighter and he turned around, hugging her properly now, "Sky...Tomorrow, let's get something to eat...together...at my place...whenever you're not super busy...does that sound ok?". She nodded, eager for something a little more uplifting to look forward to for once, not that they could eat outside the castle but still, it was better then meetings with her mom or worrying about where luna was at this current point in time. She could use at least something normal and friendly for once in this madness and judas could tell that it seemed to make sky feel a little better and it seemed to ease him a little despite his other worried. "I just....I could really use my best friend....these days...everything's falling apart and....now we barely see each other....and...I hate it so much judas...I really do.". He held her tighter, trying not to hurt her with his stronger demon grip. "We could all use a best friend right now....I missed you too.". He planted a kiss on her forehead as sky let him go, "Tomorrow....?". "Tomorrow....that's a promise.". Sky watched him teleport off, clutching the drawing harder to her chest, only hoping the worst times were finally over and everything would go up from here. She could only hope.

#star vs the forces of evil #svtfoe #svstfoe #sky and the forces of the multiverse #eclipsa butterfly #janstar bby #tomco bby #Starkie bby #ostar bby #tomstar bby #my art #fanfiction

14 notes · View notes

xxgoblin-dumplingxx · 5 years

Text

Into the Dark (4/?)

A/N: More Angst ahead. No smut or implied smut really. Character Deaths mentioned for the sake of length they’re not described. This chapter is long as hell. Sorry.

“You’re pregnant,” Thor says, early one morning. He’s blinking at you in surprise. Almost as if he didn’t expect it. You feel your heart drop to somewhere around your feet. It doesn’t take much to avoid looking at him. He never expects you to look at him. He doesn’t expect you to flinch away from him when he reaches for your hand. His own hand drops and he nods to himself. You never really want him to touch you if you can avoid it. But some of the hardness in his face softens as he looks at you now.

“Go see mother,” he says quietly. An order. You swallow back telling him to go fuck himself. Your last hope was to be barren and then maybe you could end this farce. But scarcely a month into marriage and a handful of couplings later, clearly that is not the case. “I will,” you say flatly. You want to ask him if he’s off to see Sif this morning but you already know. They may be forbidden from being alone together but that doesn’t mean they avoid each other. You stand up from the table and start to leave but Thor catches your hand making you freeze.

You’re so touch starved you don’t care who’s touching you. You just need someone to hold you and tell you it’ll be okay. “Yes, husband?” you ask your voice still toneless in your shock. He wants to tell you he’s pleased with you but instead, he drops your hand. “Nothing,” he says turning back to his breakfast. Your face tells him you feel nothing about this news. He can count on one hand the number of times you’ve even spoken more than a few words to him since the wedding. He’d thought that preferable. But in bed, as he looks at your back, as you move as far from him as you can after he’s found release, he can count your ribs. He looks down at the plate you left behind, where there’s hardly anything eaten and glances back up to see you already gone. Away from him to find whatever comfort you can.

Guilt gnaws at him again and he hates you for it. He wants you to be mean. He wants you to be angry. He doesn’t want you to make sure that the breakfast table has his favorite things on it. That his armor is polished to a mirror finish, that everything in your shared chamber is arranged to his liking. You’re the mother of his child now, he tells himself, he needs to be a better husband. And he means to. He doesn’t know anything about you because he never bothered to ask. But he goes in search of a peace offering. Something that might at least remind you that this is his child too.

Alone, far from everyone as you can get, you cry. You’d give anything to be at home with someone who’d dry your tears and hand you a cup of tea. It’s Frigga who finds you. She’d been searching for you, needing to show you something about her healing wing. You try and stop crying, still considering anyone on Asgard to be “public” instead of family. She pulls you into her arms gently and holds you. She doesn’t know what her son had done to you to make you this distraught but she intended to have words with him. She was over his stolen moments with Sif as if he were a schoolboy instead of a man with a wife. “I’m sorry,” you say quickly, wiping your face with your sleeve and trying to adjust yourself clumsily. “What happened, darling?” she asks gently. You smile a little. You can’t bring yourself to tell her you’re with child. You simply can’t. Besides. Thor didn’t order you to tell her. He only ordered you to see her. And you had.

“Nothing,” you say, “Really, a misunderstanding I am sure.” It’s not a lie. Nothing had happened that you considered important so the rules that disallowed you lying didn’t make you choke. She doesn’t believe you, you know but she doesn’t press. You follow her to the healing wing and learn what she has to show you, grateful for the distraction for a little while but your trembling hands and pale skin have Frigga putting you on a table to examine you just as Thor comes crashing through the door.

She frowns at him, stopping him dead as she runs practiced hands over your body. You’re more emotionally distressed than she realized. She can feel how thin you are and now that she’s examining you she can feel the new life starting to grow inside you. The dull hollow feeling in your chest makes her eyes sting. There is nothing you’ve felt that isn’t exposed to her and she kisses your forehead gently. You’ve been in misery. She knows that’s not a natural state for you. Your natural state is joy. You were made to walk in the sunshine. Hopeful optimism and kindness are the traits she wanted you for. But now? You’re hollow and wrung out. The few times you are content you’ve bespelled yourself just to make it through the day. She keeps a hand on your cheek, gently rubbing your cheekbone as she whispers instructions to one of her ladies to escort you back to your bedchamber and let you lie down.

You go, a Lady in waiting to support you, holding your arm. You don’t even look at Thor. You don’t bother. It’s not as if anything that happens to you actually matters. Once you've been helped into night clothes and put to bed, Thor dismisses the ladies and brings you the goblet his mother handed him. Her warnings and her scolding still ringing in his ears. He’s not to so much as look at Sif again or she’ll have her banished. He’s to be a model husband and treat you with dignity. If he does all of that she’ll consider letting him live to see his next birthday. “Mother bids you drink this,” he said. He didn’t know what it was but he assumed it was for the baby. “She said it would help you feel better,” he said shrugging when you look at him in askance. You take it wordlessly and take a cautious sip before crinkling your nose slightly. Thor sits awkwardly on the edge of the bed and you scoot away from him slightly. The silence stretches on. Thor seems to prefer when you don’t speak in his presence so you restrict your remarks to short replies out of habit. “How do you like Asgard?” he asks after a moment. “It’s fine, the architecture is beautiful.” The only thing you can say that isn’t a lie. Thor glances at you, all these wonders and all you care about is buildings? “How are you feeling? Mother said you were unwell,” he tries again. “I’ll be fine, your highness,” you say, “I think I am only overtired.” You feel exhausted so it isn’t a lie. Thor doesn’t miss that you use his title or call him husband when you address him at all. He hates it and he’s pretty sure that’s why you do it. He’s right. “Conversations are easier to have when everyone contributes,” he huffs out, frustrated that you don’t seem to care if he’s speaking to you or not.

“Conversations are easier to have when you want to have them,” you reply, “Please, husband. It’s bad enough that I’m married to someone who is at best apathetic towards me. Don’t make me make small talk with you too.” Thor winces at that. You’re not wrong. His feelings towards you do tend towards apathetic these days. “Mother said you were lonely,” he said, “She said that was bad for the baby. That your emotions are making you sick.” You snort, “And forced small talk is the way to fix that, hm?” you ask bitterly. How fucking dare he force this on you? How dare he even pretend? After all the times he’s come home lips kiss swollen and reeking of Sif’s perfume. After all the times he’s barked at you as if you were an unruly soldier and not his wife. He reaches for your hand and you pull it away, “Don’t. touch. me.” you say warningly. You are tired and sad and all you want is sleep. Sleep is the only respite you get. Anger flashes in Thor’s face and you meet his eyes for the first time in days. When he sees that there is nothing there. Nothing. You face is blank as if you have nothing left to feel but pain, he moves away from you. “Fine,” he bites out. He leaves you then and you hurl the goblet and it’s contents at the wall as the door slams shut.

2024

“Where is my wife?” Thor asks Brunhilde as she orders herself another drink. The Valkyrie shrugs, “She left here about 10 minutes ago. Got on her motorcycle and just fucked off... She does that.” Thor pinched the bridge of his nose, “Where did she go?” Brunhilde shrugs again, “Probably the woods somewhere. I know she has a garden someplace where she grows the healing herbs we use. Loki probably knows where it is.” Thor nods and trudges off to find Loki. The trickster is similarly tight-lipped about where you’ve gone, “Thor, she doesn’t want to see you,” he said, “After so many years, I don’t blame her.” The blonde winces, “I want to make things right with her,” he said. Loki barked a laugh, “That implies you had a relationship with her before,” he said, “You never wanted her. You wanted Sif. And then Jane, but nowhere in any of that did you want your wife. She spent years hoping you’d come to at least value her... Mother. It broke Mother’s heart. And it was only that girl, the one you refused to pay attention to that kept us from war with the fey. If she had ever told them anything, they would have been honor bound to storm the palace and bring her home.”

Loki thrusts a small stack of leather-bound journals into Thor’s hands, “If you ever tell her I gave you these, I’ll deny it... She told me to burn them but I thought that if she were to ever kill herself, you should know what your part in it was.” Thor takes them carefully as if they might bite. Loki considered you a friend. One of his only friends and he didn’t take your mistreatment lightly. Not even coming from Thor whom he also loved. As Thor ambles away, Loki prays to the gods that this might just give you some peace. That it might help Thor foster an understanding of you. He also prays that if you ever find out he disobeyed your request that you wouldn’t be angry long.

Thor takes the journals back to his tower, ignoring Korg as he calls out to Thor to play more Fortnite. They are bound together with a piece of leather cord. About 8 or 10 slim volumes. Easily concealed in your jewelry box or any other small crevice in your room where you could secret them away. He’d seen you writing in books like this before. He assumed it was just a way for you to record your days. But they feel heavy. They hold the weight of sleepless nights and countless disappointments. The weight of a rebellion. The pressure of being where no one wanted you. They smell of pain and fear and hopelessness. He holds them for a long time. He knows this is intensely private. You’d asked Loki to burn them so no one else might ever see what you’d had to say. Carefully, with a prayer for forgiveness, he opens the first volume.

Earlier

You stand in the crowd. Watching Thor be named Odin’s heir. At 20 weeks pregnant you’re starting to show and nothing you can do makes you happy about that fact. You’re too tired to keep yourself bespelled and have to force yourself into a calm smiling composure. You feel Sif glaring at you but you ignore her. The Warriors three are watching Thor. Sif is watching you, her stare would burn your skin from your bones if she had her way. Since Thor is forbidden to even speak with her, his ardor for her has seemingly cooled. And recently he’s been at the very least, less curt. It isn't loving but at least with his hatred of you turned down to a simmer in front of the court, some of the whisperings have stopped. It’s small relief and you welcome it with the growing amount of stress the pregnancy puts on your body.

The aftermath of the Frost Giant attack and Thor’s banishment leaves you again in Limbo. Though strangely, you don’t care that he’s gone. Loki promises you quietly that he won’t let you be hurt. That you’re safe with him on the throne. You apply yourself to supporting Frigga and tune out all the other court intrigues. The Queen is terrified for her husband who may never wake up. You hold her hand and do whatever she asks without question.

Heimdall visits you often. He tells you Thor is safe. He tells you of things in Faery. Things that often don’t get put in letters. Little cousins losing teeth, jousts, and picnics. Things you miss so much your heart aches. Heimdall does not approve of the way Thor treats you but a prince will do as a prince will do. Heimdall is bound to protect the Bifrost and obey orders. He was ordered not to allow you to return home unaccompanied. He was not ordered not to tell you of home. Heimdall does not tell you of Jane. You do not ask.

When Thor returns, a triumphant hero and Loki is gone, your heart shatters again. Loki was your friend. Your only friend in this place. His loss is one thing too many. The stress and strain cause you to lose the child. Frigga stays near you, holding your hand and directing the healers as they hurry to save your life. You’re in pain, half in and out of fever dreams crying for your mother, your cousins, your music tutor, any familiar anchor to this life. Never Thor. You don’t ask for him once. The small part of your brain that is still lucid tells you that even if you did call, he wouldn’t come.

Thor sits with the warriors three, drinking. He misses Jane. His child is dead, and for all he knows you still might die. Loki is gone. Nothing is right.

When Frigga is finally sure that you’re not going to die on her healing table, she has you put into a comfortable bed to rest and goes in search of her son. “Thor,” she says, standing in the door way, beckoning to him. He stands, staggering slightly, “Is she dead?” he asks hazily. Frigga itched to slap him, “No, thank the gods, she is not. She is alive. We only lost the child.” Thor nods, “What was it?” he asks, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “A girl,” Frigga answers softly. She hadn’t wanted to tell you when you asked. She didn’t want to cause you further distress but your pleading had torn her heart in two. Thor eases himself into a chair with a groan and Frigga puts a hand on his shoulder, “Y/N is asleep now. Resting. It will take her body some time to heal.” Thor nods, “Will she see me?” he asked. He felt responsible for your current state. His actions had lead to the stress that caused your pain. Frigga shook her head, “She won’t see anyone right now. I think Loki is the only one she’d admit to her room and he isn’t here.” Thor nods and sighs, “Perhaps... perhaps in a few days. When the pain isn’t so new,” Frigga says bracingly. She wants to be more sympathetic and she wants to punch him in the mouth. A mother always loves her children. That doesn’t mean she likes them.

Thor tries to be admitted to your room every day. Every day one of your ladies politely sends him away. For four days. He comes each day to talk to you. On the 5th day, when they let him inside the room, guilt gnaws at him. You’re still too thin and too pale. You look ill and tired. You look sad and scared. Then he reaches for your hand, you don’t pull away you let him hold it. Your skin is cold.

He doesn’t say anything. Not a word. Until the silence makes him uncomfortable. “We can try again,” he says.

You look up at him slowly, pulling your hand away from his like he shocked you. “Get out,” you say quietly. He starts to stammer out an apology but the tears are flowing and you’re louder, screaming at him, “Get out, get the fuck out!” The god scrambles backward. For all the times you’ve just taken his insults with a blank stare, he didn’t even know you could scream. He didn’t know you even had the lung capacity to do it. You sound like a banshee. Your sudden rage shakes him to his core and he just barely managed to get out of the way as you hurl a stone vase at the wall where he stands. It shatters on the floor and he ducks out the door. Your screams and heartbroken sobs still echoing in his ears. Frigga half shoves him out of the way and gathers you into her arms, rocking you gently. A week of silence and trying to accept things undone in a matter of a few moments. She says a prayer for patience and kisses your head, “Sweetheart,” she soothes, “It’s alright. Whatever he said, it’s okay. It’ll all be okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was the shock of everything.”

“I want to go home,” you say softly, “Please just let me go home.” Frigga gently settles you back in bed, pushing a potion to your lips to help you sleep, “As soon as I can sweetheart. We’ll send you for a visit.” She knows. She knows you mean forever. But that cannot be. Marriage vows are forever. And vows cannot simply be broken.

When Thor returns to Midgard, he will not take you. He forbids you to go. Leaves you on Asgard saying that it isn’t safe. He really doesn’t want you to see Loki this way. You’ve reached a fragile peace. Thor lets you do whatever you please, you don’t ask him about Jane. He dotes on you in front of his mother. He does not come to your bed at night.

When he leads Loki back in chains, you and Frigga both plead with Odin to spare him. Odin listens only because he cannot bear to see either of you cry.

When he returns to Midgard again, he doesn’t take you with him. Instead, he braves bringing back Jane. She’s in danger and he cannot just let her die. “Husband,” you say, aloof politeness in your voice, “Who is your friend?” You know who it is. You aren’t stupid. Thor can’t look at you and leads Jane away. Loki sees the tear tracks on your cheeks when you bring him books and smiles sadly, “Little sister,” he says gently, “why do you let him do this to you?” You sigh, “Because. I’m a fucking idiot and some small, broken piece of my heart is still waiting for my fairy tale. I didn’t choose him but he’s my only chance.”

Loki wants to reach out and wipe your tear away. Instead, he tries to make you laugh, anything to quell the pain for a moment. He does. You laugh. It’s a rare sound these days but it reminds him of the comfort he felt in your mother’s court. Reminds him of the Fairy Princess who rode horseback with no saddle and wove spells that gave him chills to watch the artistry. His friend. The only person who had never commented on how cold his skin felt to the touch. The one person who liked him because of who he was, not just that he was a princeling.

With Frigga’s death, you push your own pain aside to hold your husband and brother in law together. You pray she taught you enough. That you learned enough. And you try not to blame the Mortal girl who had brought her end.

The Third time he goes to Midgard, you force him to take you. You tell him that you don’t even want to meet his Earth friends. You just want to go home. You just want to eat food that doesn’t repulse you and hug your mother. Thor has no choice. But when you get there, you don’t get to go Home. Thor needs to be protected. Mostly from himself.

So you stay at his side. You can see the awkward flurry of emotions as he introduces you as his wife. The questions. When they ask what planet you’re from, it is immensely satisfying to say “Connecticut” and watch it process through. When you pick up a sword and dress for a fight, Thor looks at you side ways, “I didn’t know you knew how to fight,” he says quietly. Not without Tony hearing. You shrug, “You never asked. I am a princess of Faery. I was taught to protect my house.”

“Nice one, Pointbreak,” Tony said, slapping his shoulder, “How long have you been married? Two minutes?” Thor has the grace to look embarrassed, “Three years,” he says.

“Very nice,” he said. He was idly admiring your body in your fighting gear. It was not of Asgard. Fitted close. Made for speed and stealth. “She’s gorgeous,” Bruce says, “You’re lucky.” Thor makes a noncommittal noise and folds his arms. He’d learned long ago that he might be the only man in a room that didn’t find you beautiful. But you weren’t unfortunate, he supposed. Tony and Bruce trade looks but say nothing. You talk with Steve and Natasha, getting a feel for them. Barton gives Thor a thumbs up and mimes a soft whistle. Fey have that effect on humans, he supposes. He wonders if you’re aware of it. You don’t seem to be.

You hold your own in battle. You’re quick and fierce, darting hither and yon with feet so fast that he often only sees the back of you as you rush forward. He vaguely recognizes that you probably could, in fact, kill him if you wanted to. And he’s impressed. After the battle he goes to pull you to him and you freeze, “Please don’t touch me,” you say quietly. You want to imagine that this might be love. But it’s only the heat of battle and you’re the closest available woman. You can’t. You just can’t deal with him rutting away on top of you pretending you’re anyone else.

When you return to Asgard, Thor is slightly kinder. He bothers to offer you his arm and ask you how your day is. It softens you towards him a little. You go back to trying to be a good wife. Doing little things he doesn’t notice to ease his way.

It’s all fine. Until Ragnarok. Until Thor and Loki are both gone doing gods only know what. Until you start the rebellion. Until you lead the people.

But after Thanos. You’re back to square one. Thor hates you. He hates everything about you. And you have no choice. As he slides into the dark. Into a depressive spiral, you lead. You and Brunhilde and Loki. You run New Asgard and they carry out your wishes. You integrate the Asgardians with Midgard. You set up schools and healers and libraries. You make them a comfortable place to be in the world. They love you for it. The whispers stop. You are Queen. You are her Majesty. Aided and abetted by Loki deferring to you and no one else. Not even Thor who in his drunken state cannot even rule a teapot.

Thor roars at you. He orders you from his tower and you tell him to sit the fuck down and eat the meal you brought. You clean as best you can. You’re a solid, stable presence, even though he doesn’t want you. Even though he leaves you cold and lonely. When the Avengers show up, you bring them to him. Quietly watching. Not drawing attention to yourself. He scurries off when the Raccoon mentions beer. Banner looks at you with pity on his face and you shrug. You stopped feeling long before now. A decade of his apathy has worn you down to numb.

After the Second snap, you scramble to house the people. Thor is the hero while you struggle to manage the influx. 11 years. Married 11 years with no children. Married 11 years and for most of that, your husband has loved someone else. All you know is work. All you know is that you are Queen and Queens suffer silently.

2024

Thor sits on his bed in the tower. Surrounded by pages of your private writings. His heart is broken. He wants to find you and kiss you and tell you that he’s sorry. He knows it isn’t enough. He found suicide notes you started so many times in the depths of your pain. He saw the notes from the rebellion. The entries after you lost the child. Your agony at not being anything he wanted.

He thinks of how long it’s been since he’s seen you. Since he’s been close enough to touch you. You’re still young and fresh, forever 22. But your hands are work calloused and your eyes are older. He thinks of the sound of your laugh and how he hated it. How he misses it now when he can’t hear you playing with the Asgardian children in the street. He wipes tears away and gathers up the pages carefully. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did.

But his parents were right. He had needed you. More than you will ever need him. The times when you needed him are passed, he knows and he wasn’t there to catch you. He hides the journals away and watches out the kitchen window. There’s a pack of Children marching, laughing down the street.

The Children. He smacks his forehead gently. If you were anything like his mother, the Children of Asgard would always know how to find you. They were always the best way to find Frigga in a hurry.

Thor pulls on his jacket and simply follows them. Sure enough, they lead him straight to you. You’re sitting on some cliffs, idly scribbling in a notebook and munching on your lunch. It was supposed to be a break from it all but when the Children find you, giggling and running at you, you laugh. “Oh no, I’ve been found,” you say, picking them up to cuddle the little ones, “Wherever will I eat my lunch now.” They want a story and they’ll not be dissuaded. So you tell them. You spin out a tale easily and send them all away chattering and acting things out. Thor keeps his distance. You’re happy. And you’re not bespelled. He honestly can’t remember the last time he saw that.

When the last of the children have scampered out of earshot, he approaches. “Y/N,” he says softly. You don’t turn to look at him, “Your majesty,” you reply, “How can I help you?” He winces at the formal tone of your voice. “I need to speak with you,” he said. You check your watch, “It will have to wait. I have a budget meeting in a few minutes.” You pack your lunch away uneaten and stand, going to walk past him. He catches your wrist and squeezes gently, “Please,” he said. There’s a tricky little maneuver and your wrist is easily out of his grasp as you walk forward. “Do you hate me then?” he asks after you.

You turn slightly to look at him, “No, husband. That would require me to feel anything for you at all.” You walk away from him, headed back towards the town. Leaving him on the windswept cliffs alone.

Tags:

@lancsnerd @innerpaperexpertcloud @stevieang@peachykeen3502 @vxidnik, @past-perfect-future-tense, @trumpettay, @buckysblondie,

#thor x reader #Thor Odinson #loki #Frigga #angst #asshole!Thor #endgame spoilers kinda?

123 notes · View notes

hajimesh · 5 years

Text

lokasenna pt. 11

word count: 1.8k

pairing: jötunn!loki x healer!reader

summary: loki’s awake and you update him about what he missed. i suck at summaries it’s basically loki x reader interacting?? sORRY

a/n: dedicated to @oatballsoffury since i saw you binge read lokasenna last night lol, i loved your comments btw!! this is a bit of a filler sooo i’m sorry if it’s a bit boring. masterlist is in my bio

- Ellefu -

“Sorry for interrupting your fun.” A hoarse voice said, catching all of you by surprise. “But I kind of feel like I’m in dire need of a bath.”

Loki tried to move but groaned, making your arms fly forward as if to stop him.

“Loki! I mean– King Loki, how are you feeling? Are you in pain?” You rushed through your words, still not believing your eyes.

He finally decided to look at you and what he saw made his heart drop. The cut on your cheek looked better but the skin on your left eye had a purple tint while another bruise could be seen on your forehead, same colour as the one in your eye.

“What happened to you?” His tone sounded worried and his brows were drawn closer, a hand hesitatingly reaching out to touch the tender area gently.

You winced a bit but smiled at him reassuringly. “A giant broke into my room.”

His eyes widened considerably before hardening. “Who was he? And where were you!?” He got agitated, his last question directed at Ægir but before the later could answer, he continued speaking. “Where else did he hurt you?”

“I’m good, nothing serious. It’s you who you should be concerned about. You– you almost didn’t make it.” You reassured him about your state but when you told him about his, your voice broke slightly.

He gave you a weird look, thoroughly confused by your statement. He knew he had received a few hits and stabs and he remembered the energy fading away from him, giving in to the darkness but that was it, right? “It was just a stab.”

“Yes, but the dagger was poisoned.”

Loki remained silent, looking at the sheets while both Ægir and Viðblindi sat in silence knowing it was best to not say anything and let him talk to you.

What Loki didn’t know was that you had a few more wounds than the ones in your face. You had broken a rib so, eventually, you grew tired of standing and chose to sit on his bed still looking at him. “They haven’t found the ones responsible for the attack.”

Loki finally lifted his eyes from the bed, meeting your worried eyes. “It was the Storm Giants. Even a fool could notice.” He said in a flat tone, rolling his eyes slightly.

You tried not to dwell on the not-so-kind adjective he chose, perhaps he didn’t mean it for you and was referring to the jötnar? “But the council–”

“The council wants me dead.” He interrupted you, earning a soft gasp from you. He sighed, rubbing his temples before continuing. “So of course they would turn a blind eye on them.”

You knew the jötnar were not the kindest creatures but you couldn’t believe there would be some of them willing to not only let the criminals get away with the almost murder of the King, but to actually try to kill him. “But that’s regicide! Punishable by death, there must be something you could do.”

Loki gave you a sad smile and his hand found yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. He was touched, he really was. He didn’t think that after what you had gone through, thanks to him, you’d still worry about his well-being. “This is Utgard, my dear. I’m afraid things don’t work the same as Asgard.”

You tried to ignore the strange fluttering in your chest and focused on Loki’s words. Now you knew you could not trust anyone, not like you hadn’t deduced it before but now you could say you were one hundred percent sure, at least if you wanted to survive.

“How long have I been gone?” Loki asked after a few minutes of silence.

Viðblindi cleared his throat before answering him. “Three days, your grace.”

Loki’s eyebrows rose in surprise but then made an unpleased face. He turned his head to you and stared as you played with the fabric of your coat. The days seemed to get colder and you needed the extra layers if you didn’t want to freeze to death. When he failed to catch your attention, he tried to scoot closer to you but forgot about his wound, hurting himself in the process.

You heard him moan in pain and you snapped out of your daze, eyes wide and frantic.

“Don’t move!” Again, you reprimanded him as he huffed.

“I want a bath.” He pouted and King Loki was gone, being replaced by the image of the little boy you used to play with; arms crossed and a bored face.

You rolled your eyes but nodded. Ægir and Viðblindi excused themselves not before offering their help which was quickly dismissed by Loki.

Oh, sweet Valhalla.

* * * *

“I see you are still in speaking terms with him.”

Getting Loki in the bathtub was almost impossible. After the initial shock of seeing his bare chest went away, you spent fifteen minutes making sure the water temperature was right. When he noticed the tell-tale signs of you about to go off at him, he gave you a sickly sweet smile and got in.

You lifted your eyes from your book as you heard him speak but you regretted it immediately, being met with the sight of his bare torso as he ran his wet hair away from his face.

“Huh? Oh, of course I am. He’s my friend.” You said as you switched your eyes back to your book, a blush growing on your cheeks.

He made a disgusted face not noticing your flushed state. “You deserve better friends.”

“Oh, is that so?” At this you finally put your book down on your lap, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yes. Like me.”

His tone was playful but you felt the anger swirling in your belly again. You narrowed your eyes and closed the book loudly, making him jump slightly. “A friend who won’t stand up for me when needed. I think not.”

Your tone was bitter and he winced, looking down at his hands and playing with the bubbles.

“Y/N…”

Shaking your head you stood up from the chair you were sitting in and made your way to the door, only to be stopped by him.

“Y/N!”

You stopped walking, shoulders tense as the anger in your body grew. Turning on your heel you looked at him straight in the eye with your arms crossed. Loki stood up from the tub but before you could see something you shouldn’t he conjured a towel to wrap around his hips, making his way towards you.

“I talked to her. After what she did.” His steps were slow and hesitant as he raised his arms, signaling he meant no harm. “I could not reprimand her because whether we like it or not, she’s a princess. You can’t talk to her in that way.”

You scoffed, he had to be joking. “Unbelievable.” You muttered under your breath but he still managed to hear you.

You were ready to head out of the door when he placed his hands on your wrists, stopping you immediately.

“You must understand! Be glad that she didn’t ask for your head.”

The anger in your body snapped, a fire burning in your eyes. Something he had never seen before.

“She called me your pet!” You finally exploded, yelling at his face what had been bugging you for the last two days. “She hinted that I was a source of entertainment for you, of pleasure, if you will.”

You kept wondering where did she get that idea and if everyone else in the castle thought the same. Your entire’s life work diminished because of blind hate. You couldn’t feel more helpless.

“W-what?” Loki whispered, his voice shaky and filled with disbelief. “I did not know that.”

“Of course you didn’t.” You crossed your arms over your chest after he let go of your wrists, surprised by what you had just said.

One look at your eyes and he knew he had screwed up. You were hurting and he couldn’t help but think that sending you back to Asgard, back to safety, would be wise. But his selfish side stopped him from letting go of you, he enjoyed your presence, you didn’t know but he truly felt like a piece of home was with him every time you were around.

“I don’t know where she got that idea but you must know it wasn’t me.”

Raising an eyebrow you kept your gaze on his. He looked sorry, worry lines appearing on his forehead and around his eyes. You knew, in your gut, that he didn’t mean to hurt you but you couldn’t shake the odd feeling of wanting him to prove you he cared. Something in your heart wanted more and yet you couldn’t pin point what exactly. For both of your sakes you chose to let it slip and turned your head away.

“Please don’t leave.” Loki whispered, hands reaching out to you but stopping right before he could meet your skin.

The hopeful look in his eyes tugged at your heart and you groaned inwardly.

“I’ll make tea.”

* * * *

Loki was back on his bed and you sat on a chair, reading your book.

You had considerably cooled off after the heated argument back in the bathroom. After making tea, you chose to sit on the far corner of the room, book in your hands, as you kept looking over him. No matter how angry and upset you were at him, he needed you.

You heard the doors open and you felt dread filling your body as you saw who it was.

“My King. You are awake.” Angrboda said in a relieved tone.

He only nodded at her but said nothing. His thoughts about her conflicted him, he wished he could confront her about what she had said to you but knew he couldn’t do that without putting you at risk.

Angrboda gave you a glance and her demeanor instantly changed.

“Leave.”

Raising an eyebrow, you closed your book with a sigh before speaking. “I beg your pardon?”

She narrowed her eyes, her hands slowly balling into fists.

It seemed as if she didn’t care that Loki was right next to her and would witness how she mistreated you.

“I won’t repeat myself.”

You looked at Loki, waiting for him to do or say something but he remained unbothered, looking down at his hands as he picked at them. You narrowed your eyes but said nothing, standing up from your place you moved the chair back to its place making sure it scraped the floor and made an annoying scratching sound.

Thank the norns for those Jötunn anatomy books that said their ears are more perceptive of very acute noises.

Angrboda whined as she covered her ears in an attempt to stop the noise, face scrunching up in distress. Once she removed her hands, small spots of blood littered on them and she growled at you while Loki, who had also suffered the pain, still managed to smile faintly at you knowing this was your way of revenge. He knew he was hurting you by not sending Angrboda away, it pained him too.

This was the only way but of course, you couldn’t know.

· · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · ·

help me with a reblog and/or feedback if u enjoyed it :)

lokasenna tag list: @perceptorxbrainstorm / @immakween / @ellaxiv / @pinkmoontribe-blog / @help-i-need-a-social-life / @jessiejunebug / @fire-treasure-iii

loki tag list: @slytherinsassembletofightsith / @memmucci / @servamp-addict / @arttasticgreatnessoftheawesome77 / @theworld-is-ahead / @crescent-night / @godhateskyleigh / @deathofmissjackson

marvel tag list: @for-the-love-of-the-fandom

#loki #loki x y/n #loki x you #loki x reader #loki odinson #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson x you #loki odinson x y/n #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Laufeyson x Reader #loki laufeyson x you #loki laufeyson x y/n #loki imagine #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic

85 notes · View notes

lokikingofasgardslover713 · 4 years

Text

Havoc’s Worship 6: Raison D'être

Masterlist

Havoc’s Worship Masterlist

Loki is chaos, chaos is havoc & havoc has found a treasure, a jewel, a new being to worship other than himself!

Pairing: Dragon!Loki Laufeyson X OFC Reader

Warnings: Hints of past torture, Mind games, Fluff, hints at miscarriage but no details

Summary: New truths are brought to light. Can the reader find it in her heart to start over or will Loki be left alone to deal with the havoc he caused in efforts to keep everyone safe?

A/N: Sorry this took so long to update! So, this is the final chapter! I took this in a completely different direction, hope you enjoy.

Words:+5,100

————

The desperate crying echoing down the narrow way made her heart race and had her jerking harder against the dark elf guards leading her in chains. All her aches forgotten along with the recent throbbing headache and possible broken ribs at the desperation in her daughters cry.

The tent they were kept in on Svartalfheim did little to mask the tiny princess's cries when they came for the ulfhednar. Two guards had jerked her from the tiny cell in which she had assured to pass Ember to Jane to keep safe, their confines separated by bars far enough apart to allow Ember through. Drug before Malekith for what she wasn't sure other than to beat her around some more before they sent a message to Loki.

Jerking desperately to pull free and rush down the way, the woman spun facing the masked elves, their eyes staring her down. They chuckled as she jerked to the end of the chains, trying to tug them along in a rush to get to the cell. Before they reached said confines they jerked harshly to force her to the ground inches from the cage she had been kept in the past 2 days next to Jane.

Letting out a weak growl, she tussled with the two, clothing ripped and stained from the mistreatment of the past few days. The black earth of Svartalfheim sticking to new wounds as Jane yelled out to the guard to stop.

One banged a weapon on the bars of Jane's cage to shut her up, but that only made the tiny princess scream louder. A gloved hand wrapping in the collar of the ulfhednar's ruined tunic to choke while lifting the defiant creature to dead feet and flung into the cell.

“Quiet the welp or we will,” one snarled as the door slammed shut.

Hastily the disheveled queen scrambled to reach the bundle of dirty fur and cloth that kicked and screamed. Pulling the wailing bundle tight, she sunk to a corner with Jane who hurried to join her in her own cell. Deftly the mortal helped what she could through the bars to aid the weak warrior in getting the child fed and quieted.

“I’m sorry. When they left with you they took her from me,” Jane apologized, careful of fresh bruises littering the others collar bone. It appeared the mortal was sporting a bruised cheek for her efforts.

“It’s ok Jane. There isn’t much to control here,” she sighed looking down at the babe as she latched onto a nipple, instantly quieting to feed. Noting her daughter's red cheeks, stained with tears and this cursed black earth they all had come to hate.

“I know. But I have to tell you something,” Jane spoke gently, the warrior turning to look at the brunet. “I’m pregnant.”

That took more time than it should have to register to the queen. Chartreuse orbs searching over the mortals dirtied face, holding the princess tight. “Oh gods,” she finally sighed, reaching a free hand out to place it to Jane's head, resting her forehead on hers. “We will get out. Your baby is safe.”

Jane gave a weak smile, pulling away slightly as she began to fidget before producing clean cloth appearing to be from the lining of the mortals own dress. “Here, I salvaged some things, so Ember had a few more diapers.”

Nodding, the warrior graciously took the kind gesture. The babe and area quieting for the three to relax if only it was for a few unknown moments. Eyes heavy as she relaxed against the painful bars, but what else was there? The ulfhednar’s body ached from all of it, the beating, the recent birth and the weight of returned memories.

"Get some sleep," Jane's voice drifted through her ears as if in a fog, the quiet suckling of Ember beginning to fade out when the warriors eyes fluttered closed.

The queens worries dancing around with the latest development between she and Loki before all this.

It was the day she returned with Loki; Ember asleep in a bundle of furs in the nest as she slept. Carefully Frigga guided the warrior through dark memories Loki had placed. Each one unraveling to show a kind, gentle lover who done nothing but dote over his wife, his mate. It was intoxicating but angering as Frigga gently guided her through the literal chaos the god had created. The question on her lips though was-.

“Why,” slipping past dry lips, eyes still closed to watch and feel what the old monarch was showing her.

An excited version of herself stepping off of the plane the moment all this began. Loki was surrounded by his own guard as was she, but she strode happily towards him, the god gracing her with a cheerful smile, wings unfolded. A cheer went up from the crowd as he took her hand gently and knelt before her, Thor smirking like the idiot he was.

This wasn't their first meeting by no means as the memory slipped in the two of them had been meeting for several years. Possibly longer?

“He felt you were ruining yourself by deftly agreeing to wed without question. Regardless of fate,” the older monarchs voice spoke to her, the woman watching the beautifully haunting memory.

Thoughts crossing this was another way to break her, maybe this wasn't real. An excited Loki standing to lift her from the ground, arms wrapped around her knees to lift her over him. Like two idiots they smiled at each other, her hands wrapping his face to take a kiss, wings folding protectively around them.

This had a different feel, one stating this was an all too real memory hidden in darkness. She could literally taste the acrid seidr placed over the memory to hide it, this was heartbreaking. Would he rather her believe whatever dark things were placed over this instead of how he truly loved her?

“I wasn’t,” this wasn’t a dream any longer. The all-mother lifting the veil the god of mischief placed over her mind's eye.

“Loki still believes even after he was given the crown by Odin, even after all the blame was lifted off of his shoulders of Sigyn's death; he still thinks himself unworthy to possess you. More so now that you have given him Ember. Loki fears he will have to hide you away to keep you safe and felt these memories would help him do so.

He was wrong, had I known the real reason he told me he sent you back to Midgard I would have never allowed it. It made me wonder why he stole you in the night a few months ago, he finally admitted it, and when he returned to fetch you he found you were pregnant and had run in fear. I was afraid the illusion he placed when you were sent to the small village was too much. I found you, told him where to retrieve you,” the queen explained in the darkness, joyous memories of their wedding day, her own people present in the meadow that was supposedly a battleground.

“So, all the hell he supposedly put me through was an illusion?”

“Yes,” Frigga admitted halfheartedly.

“Then this explains when I was on Midgard, -before I had Ember-, I found no scorched earth where we battled, no rebuilding. This is why the Avengers are so kind to us, why Thor is so gentle with Jane, why she returns his love," her own thoughts echoed around as they viewed the memory of their wedding night, how gently he carried her into the chamber.

“You remember all Loki has done for you? How kind be truly was,” Frigga spoke, the haze clearing for them to return to the chamber, sitting in the nest with Ember resting quietly.

“Yes. But it makes me want to chew his ass for thinking he is less worthy than Thor or anyone else. It breaks my heart, I understand it, and he still has my heart, but I need to speak with him,” the warrior spoke up, a great weight lifted off of her shoulders as the dark memories where truly gone. There was still the acrid taste but thankfully she could recall none of the horrors, just good ones in their place.

Frigga gave her a knowing smile, hugging the tired younger monarch tight for a moment. It was no secret the older woman doted over her replacement, she loved her fighting spirit, possibly loved her more so than Sigyn. “Then I will let him know you need to see him when he finishes with the dark elves.”

Later that night, Ember resting once more after a feeding, the warrior was quick to corner Loki at the fireplace. The god fixing her with a worried glare at the fire in her eyes. It may be less than 24 hours since she gave birth, but the hybrid knew she could bring him to his knees, and he didn’t have the heart to stop her.

“Your mother showed me Loki,” she echoed hotly trying to keep quiet to not wake Ember. Slapping the hand away the god attempted to lace into loose locks. “No. That’s how you do it. But Frigga charmed me, so you can’t anymore.”

The god pursed his lips, long coat unfolding to large wings. The meeting with the dark elf leader, Malekith, went in no way as planned. The dark elf storming out when neither hybrid would bargain. He knew she had heard, seen the ache in her bones when stepping flush to him.

She felt his weariness at having to deal with the dark elf. Word came he had threatened the city, it’s people, her and the day-old princess for good measure as well. She knew his ache, reaching up to take his face in her hands, glad she couldn’t remember the nightmares he made her believe.

“Please quit assuming you are a monster and that I am ruining my life by loving you. We are twin flames,” she echoed lovingly, stroking over his cheeks with calloused thumbs and tears rimming her eyes.

“You fell into me so blindly when we first met, I just-. You left your people without looking back. You-. Norns my treasure,” he echoed laying his forehead to hers before his knees buckled and he fell before her.

Tenderly he placed his head to soft belly, he knew she was sore, tired and now having to deal with this. This creature before him, this ulfhednar, his promised, mate, mother to his child birthed a little over 24 hours ago.

“Can you forgive me treasure,” he echoed against soft belly, feeling her lean and lace fingers into his hair, wings folding around her.

“Maybe-,” she hesitated, feeling him tense, leather clad arms wrapping around lightly covered legs. “We should start over.”

“We can,” he breathed, hopeful she wasn’t about to push him away. Though he gave her every right to do so. He could have ruined them both, stupid pride and self-loathing.

She should hate him, should scream and kick him away. It was a dirty way to have done them, though, truth be told, Loki was just as messed up as she. Like she was one to know of love. Her parents were arranged, no love between them, they were married just to produce her, an heir to a throne.

“Loki,” she breathed, soothing over the gods head and shoulders. “We both know nothing of what we are meant to be. My parents never showed any sort of affection, they were all business. And what happened during your lifetime was a travesty. I will gladly try once more; what about you?”

Slowly Loki got to his feet, reaching down to her thighs to place them around his waist. It was in no way sexual; it was to comfort as he placed an arm under her buttocks and the other around the nape of her neck.

Gingerly the hybrid stroked over the soft flesh, “I was worried the last illusion had broken you when you weren’t at the settlement on Midgard. You were to have stayed at the shore, but you fled to the island. I thought I lost you, forgive me, I didn’t realize you were carrying until my last visit to find you gone. I’m sorry my treasure.” Gingerly he tugged her to him, nuzzling at her nose, kissing her lips tenderly.

“Our first night together was so beautiful Loki. How could you bury it,” she whispered over his lips when the kiss broke for a moment.

“I was foolish. I may have been called a monster my entire life, but it gave me no right,” he breathed, surprised when her lips pressed to his, arms wrapping around his shoulders while wings wrapped around her back to pull tight.

“Take me to bed, I’m tired,” she echoed, Loki nodding in agreement. The god starting to the nest, the little bundle nestled in the furs and linens squeaking as he got his mate settled next to her.

Slowly Loki laid at her back, a wing protectively draping over the queen and princess. Loki tenderly moved his mates loose hair to nuzzle at the nape of soft neck. “Rest mate, I will tend to her when she wakes,” his voice rasped as she leaned back into him to shut her eyes.

A harsh jab to her ribs had her clinging to the quiet bundle in her arms. Jane hurriedly assuring she was covered as the guard entered. It still appeared as if it was night and hadn’t napped long.

“Up,” the guard snarled from behind his mask, mind still hazed in sleep as a hand wrapped in the shackle chain to jerk her up drunkenly and still holding the infant.

“What did he say,” Jane asked getting up as well, a guard coming to her own cell to retrieve the mortal.

The warrior forgotten Jane didn’t possess all speak. “They want us up,” she spoke, the guards tugging them both out and down narrow walk to the entrance.

Jane called out to her when they threw the ulfhednar out of the tent like structure to the black dirt. Protectively the warrior curled around the infant to keep her from being slung to the ground. Landing hard on her shoulder to cushion the fall with Jane falling over her to stop anyone from hitting the two.

“As you can see, they are alive,” Malekith spoke to someone making the women look up to spot several Avengers. There was no way the leader would allow Loki or Thor close unless it was to get what he wanted.

“You’ve beat them,” Steve spat in disgust, one of the others starting forward, it looked to be Sam, but the captain stopped him.

“Just the one; she is a handful,” Malekith spoke with a laugh, a move of his hand and the guards were grabbing them up once more to haul back to their cages.

Led back to their holding cells, the two guards toyed with them, mocking the women and using their strength to shove them around since it sounded as if the group had left. This was their chance. If she remembers right there was a way off Svartalfheim.

Faining hurt, the ulfhednar fell to the dirt, cradling Ember tight the princess squeaking out. It was an excellent distraction, no one ever said a dark elf was intelligent. Creating a diversion for the two women to break free, Ember safely strapped to her mother as she wrapped the chains around the ones neck as Jane done the other. Managing to free themselves before running out the back of the tent and across the open ground.

Thankfully they had set up camp several yards from the craggy cliffs. Spotting the cavern, she sensed held a portal, the women ran blindly into the darkness to emerge in freezing cold. Nowhere to go but forward, hurrying to seek shelter while it appeared they didn't go unnoticed, large ice dragons descending on the elves that were stupid enough to follow.

Not looking back they continued until a large ice dragon dropped before them. Hastily she placed Ember in Jane's hands. A fire flashed in her eyes, calling seidr to muster enough strength to fight. The three of them coated in a spray of ice and blue blood as the warrior downed the dragon. Several more landing only to pause as she stood, donning a wolfish look and dazzling tattoos.

They stopped, shifting to giants with great leather wings and kneeled to her. That wasn’t expected, turning to look at Jane and Ember before darkness crept in, collapsing in a heap of tattered flesh.

A gentle calling of her name had her waking to look up at a leather draped ceiling. A quiet coo getting her attention to someone next to her. Looking over to find Jane, clean, covered in dark furs, and a tiny bundle strapped to her front with leather and fur.

“Thank god,” Jane breathed moving to help her set up against more furs and cloth rolled like pillows. A quick look around revealed they were actually under a massive wing. One that moved slightly so the bearer could look at the two.

It appeared to be a very tall, gruff looking frost giant with once curled horns, but one was broken and the other wrapped in straps of leather. With a grunt the giant got up and left the room. One that was large but at least had a fireplace with true fire radiating heat not far from them.

Moving to place more furs around the warrior, Jane finally un-tied the small infant to place in her mother's arms. “They brought milk for Ember. I’m not sure from where but she took it each time. They told me it came from another. I'm sorry, I hope I did right, she was crying so much, she was hungry and I didn't know what else to do," Jane worried as the warrior waived the brunet off, tugging the fur from around Ember's small and dipping to scent the sleeping babes lips.

"It's ok Jane, you did the right thing. It smells like what Loki and Frigga-," she paused, swallowing hard. Gods, Frigga, meeting Jane's gaze, tears burned in her eyes and a lump threatened to choke her. Cuddling the sleeping infant close, feeling the little ones full belly through the furs, they should take comfort they hadn't lost more.

"You've been out for several days," Jane spoke up, changing the subject neither women wanted brought up at the moment. "The ones that brought us here said they couldn't risk taking us through Jotunheim."

"Who are they," the warrior asked, letting the brunet help her settle. "Gods I should have known when you told me you came willing with Thor something was up." It was obvious from the queens tone she was trying to take her mind off of the pain shooting across her features before relaxing on the pillows. Dawning on the ulfhednar these were expensive furs, clean, nothing a commoner would possess.

"The guards, the healer, none of them would tell me who they answer to," Jane admitted, settling close so they could share body heat.

"How do you feel," the warrior spoke up, hinting to the discovery from a few days ago.

"Fine, I feel nauseous sometimes but nothing that doesn't ease."

"Good," she smiled, the two women settling in tight, or that was until the door opened to reveal a dragon winged giant decked out in gold adornment flanked by several guards.

"You slaughtered my best guard. I take it you must be Loki's queen; are you not? The Queen of the ulfhednar and Asgard," the one in gold asserted to the warrior holding to the small bundle, it appeared as though he was being gruff, but was sure to keep it quite due to the sleeping child.

"Yes, what of it," she breathed, trying to sound gruff herself, shifting to place Ember in Jane's arms as she forced herself to sore feet.

Jane calling out to her to stop, but she didn't listen as she stepped through the nest to the giant, a fur wrapped around her shoulders, bare feet padding across the cold stone to pause before him.

"Should have known my brother would be tethered to a brave creature such as yourself," he snarled, taking a knee to look her over more closely.

Brother? That meant he was either Helblendi or Blyster. Wearily she looked up to the massive hybrid wondering why of all in the 9 realms the Jotunar and Aesir had to be descended from dragons. Keeping calm as he smirked, flexing out massive pale blue leather wings as if to show power, but she was descended from wolves and dragon slayers. Keeping head high, she eyed the giant who seemed amused by her stubbornness to not back down.

"Fearless creature," his voice rumbled as he reached out to touch the exposed tattoo on her arm, running a calloused finger over it. Defiantly she held his gaze, knowing he was trying to provoke her.

"Loki will not like it when he finds out his brother tried to intimidate his queen," she was quick to point out as he pulled away.

The giant let out dark chuckle, she knew this could go one of two ways and wasn't sure which at the moment. Right now, it looked bleak, what of Ember? Her guts twisted at the thoughts of keeping the small infant protected, she didn't ask for any of this, and what of returning to Loki for the two of them to attempt to make it right?

"Defiant ulfhednar. It may keep you alive so you can return to Asgard. I want no war with the throne, our people have suffered enough at the hands of Odin; no need to repeat the same with Loki or Thor. But I'm afraid there is no way to get word to anyone at the moment. The dark elves are scouring the realm and have blocked the entrance into their own. There is another but it will take time for my messenger to reach. I sent him several days ago, but he must pass through wilderness and Utgard itself," he spoke quietly.

The giant noted the woman visibly let out a breath. "Until now you three remain here, in my chamber. You will be safe here, but I can't say much else for the outside of my encampment due to the dark elves. You, the princess and the blood dragons mate are under my protection. I will be sure the healer visits to assure you both are in good health; I don't need you three dying under my watch. I can only imagine the Hel it will bring on my head."

Giving a nod she understood, the warrior took a step back when he stood. The giant even going as far as to usher her back to the nest and assure she didn't fall. Gingerly she settled next to Jane who placed the infant in her arms and made sure they were covered well.

"I will send for your meal and better clothing," Blyster grunted out before leaving with his guard in tow.

It had been 3 months since a messenger had been sent, well now she had been told 4 had been sent with no word of what happened to the others. The movement of Jane to her left made the warrior wake, the two women having taken to keeping Ember between them when they rested. She watched as Jane sat up as if in pain, noting the look on her face, knowing what it was.

"Jane, lay back," she ordered quietly, getting to her feet to move the mortal around as she grabbed at her lower belly, holding tight to it.

"It hurts," Jane spoke, taking the warriors hand to hold.

"Let me call the healer, I have no herbs, nothing to work with," she spoke the brunet nodding and allowing her to the door, calling to the guard to fetch the healer.

In moments an elderly frost giant female ambled in, -the one ensuring they stayed healthy-, going to Jane with the warrior falling to the mortals head to keep her calm. Pushing the furs away they seen the faint stain of blood, there was nothing to be done but to soothe the panicking mortal. The healer and ulfhednar working together seamlessly to take care of the lost child.

"I'm sorry Jane," the warrior cooed as the giantess grunted when laying her hand over the brunets lower abdomen.

"Hand," the gruff creature snarled to the warrior who allowed it to the giantess, their kind had no bedside manner.

Placing her smaller hand where the others was, she felt thrumming, very strong one and a flutter. Looking back up to Jane, the moment the giant uttered, "there is another. This one wasn't strong enough, but the one in your womb will survive."

The two looking at the giantess as she gathered the soiled things to leave out of the room. The brunette gripped tightly to the warrior, sobbing her heart out.

"Then, I'm still-," Jane began, preparing to say pregnant but she couldn't at the moment.

"They must have been twins. It's not uncommon, I know that gives you little comfort but-," the warrior began as the mortal grabbed her to hug tight.

"Then we will celebrate the one I carry. Try not to dwell on the other. We have lost too much to not find joy in what we still have," Jane breathed, the warrior knew it was the scientist speaking but she sought comfort in it as well.

Quietly they heard Ember shuffle, a quiet coo and she was looking around in the dim room. The little girl smiling when she spotted the two women.

"Would you like to hold her? Feed her," the child's mother spoke, moving to lift the growing 4-month-old from the furs.

Jane opened her arms as she was handed the child and the ulfhednar helped to prop the mortal on pillows. Quietly she padded to the storage by the fire, it housed many things for the three of them as well as milk. It had been placed there should she be unable to feed Ember, which thankfully she could still do but was glad to allow another to share in the responsibly.

As she handed the milk to Jane the door to the room slung open and made the women pause. Blyster stormed in, looking at the two worriedly, the healer must have told.

"How is she," the giant spoke hinting to Jane who placed the bottle to Embers lips, the babe not hesitating to latch on.

"She is fine," the warrior spoke, moving protectively next to them.

"Good. Word has reached that Malekith was defeated. The portal I sent my messengers to, was heavily guarded but the last was able to make it. I'm not sure when they will be here," he admitted, the two women visibly relaxing.

Several days later, late in the night, there was a knock on the door, Blyster having taken to laying on the opposite side of the nest to assure the three were kept safe. The pale blue hybrid going as far as to drape a wing over them. Keeping the wing in place he called out to the one who knocked.

"They are here for the women," the one on the other side spoke up. They could hear someone on the other side, and they sounded a lot like-.

"Loki," the queen breathed, the giant getting to his feet to hurry from the nest leaving the women nested close to one another.

In a rush of leather clad wings, Loki burst in ahead of the others, Thor and Blyster not far behind with the door slamming shut. The ulfhednar scooped Ember up to rush to the god who gladly took them into his arms. Thor hurrying worriedly to Jane, the warrior looking back as Loki nuzzled at her neck. She was sure Thor was easy with Jane, the crimson winged hybrid scooping his mate up easily.

“Thank the Norns treasure,” Loki spoke, nuzzling hard under her ear before kissing over Ember's head.

Finally, she turned back to Loki, the god quick to seize her lips. A cool hand going to the nape of her neck while her own wrapped around his face, ebony wings draping tight around them.

Oh, how she loved this part of him. Slowly ebony wings moved to look to Thor who nodded he had Jane.

“Ready to go home pet,” he whispered, nuzzling at the two females in his arms.

“Yes,” she smiled, Ember letting out a squeak herself, but only because they had woken her.

Loki turned to Blyster, eyeing his giant brother close, “we are even then?”

“Aye,” Loki spoke cautiously holding tight to his mate.

“Then, by all means,” Blyster spoke, stepping to the side to allow the five to leave.

Upon arrival a healer was called to check the three, their mates worriedly waiting to assure the women and babies were healthy. A celebration called after the healer checked the women over. It was found out that Jane still carried twins.

There was a feast called to honor the two women, to celebrate the children and the late queen. Little Ember held tight in her father's arms who refused to allow anyone to take the bundle from him, save for his mate who sat in the same chair as he.

The entire evening Loki wouldn’t allow them from his side. Thankfully that worked in the ulfhednar's favor when Ember had taken all she could of the festivities and became cranky. The hybrid directing his mate and child down the quiet corridor to their brightly decorated room but thankful it was lit dimly.

Getting the infant settled, Loki placed a protection over the child to keep her safe while stealing away with her mother to the baths. In seconds Loki tugged his mates legs around his waist, taking their clothes as he stepped into the warm water.

Lovingly he nipped at her jaw, making her shiver in his arms. This was how he treated her from the beginning, never had he tortured her as she was led to believe. Loki was no monster.

“You are far from any monster I have met thus far Loki,” she breathed over his lips as he let her to her feet.

“I-,” Loki began to protest but he stopped, her hands lacing into his hair the water licking at her hips.

“Please, focus on us now. Not the past, not the Hel inflicted on you. Us Loki. It’s Ember, you and myself. We were told what you done to find us, that you turned over the cask for us. That is not the actions of a monster but a loving mate and father,” she echoed, tears rimming her eyes.

“Aye treasure,” he smiled, bowing to take her lips tenderly and holding her bare torso flush to his own.

Tags are OPEN! REBLOGS ALWAYS WELCOMED!

Tags: @marshyrebelcloud @cruel-kitten @moonfaery @dark-night-sky-99 @gramaeryebard @katstablook @andiyholly @jovanna-shewolf @nickyl316h @aslandia726 @furstinnajoelle @itsbqueenthings @collinsstanharbour @jazzieomega @bambamwolf87 @tomhardy41 @drakonwild @scorpionchild81 @devilbat @wayward-student-philosopher @blah6666 @jane-777 @the-minus-four @cherrygeek86 @iamverity @get-loki @alexakeyloveloki @moonlightprime @wegingerangelica @lovesmesomehiddles

#Loki Laufeyson #loki odinson #loki god of mischief #loki fanfic #dragon!loki #loki x reader #loki x plus size reader

16 notes · View notes

y-not-loki · 5 years

Text

Fuckin’ Perfect | Loki L.

@bluedemonsblog said: Asks open YAY*-* okay, so could you do a hurt/confort oneshot with Lokixreader and the music f*com perfect from Pink?(when you have time, please don't rush yourself I can wait) And good luck on your school stuff! *Sending demon blessings to help*

(thanks kiddo!!!!!!!!) (and yeah, asks are pretty much always open, and oh crap, hurt/comfort, I don’t know how to do hurt/comfort but I’ll try for you kid) (it’s just a tad bit long so I’ll put in a read more thingy) (I have no excuse, the ending is crap, everything is crap, I’m so so so so so so so sorry I didn’t mean this to turn out so bad T^T please forgive me)

Warnings: Swearing (a lot of it), self-harm (through alcoholism), alcoholism.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice Dug my way out, blood and fire Bad decisions, that's alright Welcome to my silly life

Loki didn’t know what to do exactly. Yeah, he made bad decisions, but his worst so far was coming back to Midgard. Maybe it was the fact that everyone hated him. Maybe it was the fact that Thor didn’t notice his discomfort. Maybe it was the fact that he had his eyes on this amazing mortal, who barely spoke to him. Maybe it was the fact that... he had learned to love. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like the hurt, the pain, the longing that came with such an ability. He didn’t like the strange feeling whenever he interacted with them that bubbled up and caused him to smile for the first time in forever.

He just didn’t like it.

And he knew that they would never love him back. He knew that the wonderful Midgardian who, while they appeared to dislike interacting with him, he loved.

Well, he guessed it was his silly life he was living, and it’d always be his silly life. It’s always be his bad decisions.

But that’s alright.

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood Miss "No way, it's all good", it didn't slow me down Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated Look, I'm still around

Loki had no idea how he found himself being the vodka aunt of pretty much all the Avengers (except Clint, who avoided him like the plague, and Tony who always poked and prodded at him, trying to get under his skin). They’d come to him for wild stories, lies spun like the beams of the moon into silver and glitter, and most often, advice. Loki had lived so long, that he’d been in pretty much every situation that they had found themselves stuck in. Unrequited love? No problem. Robots out of control? He’s got a solution. Magic sorcerer in your way? Easy peasy.

But the first time that his mortal, his beloved mortal who had no idea that he loved them, came to him for advice, he was shocked.

Those who wanted advice always came to him when he was drunk on the special mead that Thor brought over weekly to keep everyone happy. He was salty and very difficult when he was sober, and when he was drunk, his silver tongue became almost made of lead, depending on how drunk he was. Sure, he could still spin lies well enough to make your head spin, but he just let the words fall out of his mouth no matter what. He just didn’t care anymore.

“So can you help me?”

“Sure, beautiful.” He murmured, smiling sadly down at his drink, swishing it around and around. “If you will tell me one thing.”

“Of course.” They smiled at him warmly. “What do you need me to tell you?”

His piercingly bright blue eyes snapped to theirs and the both of them held the gaze. “I need some advice.” (Y/N) nodded, waiting for Loki to keep on going, but his eyes had unfocused and his body had pretty much gone completely still. Then he let out a shuddering breath, downed the entire cup of mead, and then poured more, the silence between them pushing down like a weight. “Imagine you are a monster. Or at least, you were brought up fearing and hating a monster.” He glanced at them again, and then sipped lightly at the cup. “Then suddenly, one day, you find out that you are a monster. That you are one of the monsters. So you try to prove to everyone that you aren’t as bad as they are, then suddenly, the person who you grew up looking up to as a father-figure tells you that you will never be enough. You fall into another dimension that’s full of pain and darkness, then your mind isn’t yours and you attack a different dimension in hopes of regaining control.”

At this point, (Y/N) was filled with horror. They knew that Loki was simply recounting everything that had happened to him, but... they never thought that he had gone through that much.

They never thought that Loki was that broken.

“And then, you disappear again, for a while you hang out on this amazing planet in luxury, and your oaf of a brother comes and ruins it, so you have to hurry off to save your world, by destroying it.” A mischievous and vague smile appeared on Loki’s face, barely there, but brightening his eyes. “Then imagine, the next best place to go to... is the very place you had to try and take over under mind control, except no one knows that, and everyone hates you. No one understands your pain, and no one enjoys spending more than 20 minutes with you.”

“I would be a in a lot of pain. I doubt I would even survive as long as you.” (Y/N) whispered, and Loki let out a barking laugh.

“The only reason I’m not dead yet, by my hand or another’s, is simply because I can’t die. That’s my curse, after being mind controlled, I cannot be harmed by anyone but... them.” He gave them a rueful smile. “But that’s not the end. Then one day you meet this bright, beautiful, handsome, simply wonderful young mortal. And you know they would never love a monster like you. How would you feel then?”

(Y/N)’s demeanor instantly changed. They knew exactly what unrequited love felt like, because they loved Loki. Not that Loki would ever find out, no, because he hated them. They knew that he hated them because he purposely avoided interactions, and pushed them away, and when they did interact with him, he was cold. “Sorrowful.”

Loki swirled his cup and glanced up at (Y/N)’s face again. “So, tell me, why did you come here again?”

“I’m trying to figure out how to convince someone to 1) love me back, and 2) interact with me. As well as convince them to start loving themselves and taking care of themselves.” (Y/N) hoped it wasn’t as obvious as it seemed, but maybe... just maybe Loki would take the hint. While his mind wasn’t as sharp when he was drunk, he was still the god of mischief, and would probably understand no matter his state.

“Can I know this person so I can help you in a more specific person?” Loki asked, already feeling his heart shattering into a million pieces and the butterflies in his stomach dying slowly. The pain in his chest started subsiding as soon as he downed another two cups of mead.

“No.” (Y/N) told him, finally sitting down next to him. They grabbed the bottle that held the mead, and sniffed the top, before spluttering and putting it down. “Also, how does that bottle hold that much liquid?”

Loki shrugged, eyes now dull as they glanced up at (Y/N)’s face. Of course they wouldn’t love him, he knew it but he couldn’t help the hope. He knew that they would never love a monster like him, something undeserving of love from someone as pure as them. “Magic. Also, with your issues, I guess you could appeal to whatever they’re interested in. If it’s someone like the Captain, appeal to his sparring and fighting nature, if it’s someone secretive like the spy, give them secrets and show that you trust them. Interact with them more, try to show them that you are interested in the most subtle manner. Or you could just insert yourself into their life more and more, until you become normal and something that they’re used to and can trust.” He poured another drink for himself, before staring a long time at their face. Neither looked away, (Y/N) taking the time to look at his facial features more closely.

Red, sunken eyes, hollow cheeks, pale skin that had a slightly sickly tone, and high cheeckbones. His normally beautiful hair looked limp and sad. There was something wrong, and (Y/N) couldn’t put their finger on it. “Thank you for the advice.” They smiled at him, and Loki gave them a bitter smile back as they left.

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever feel Like you're less than fuckin' perfect Pretty pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing You're fuckin' perfect to me!

The next time (Y/N) interacts with Loki, Loki pretty much ignores them. He recalls exactly what had happened the previous night, and couldn’t be bothered to try and convince them to love him not their current crush. Which is frustrating because he is the one that they love.

But anyway, (Y/N) has decided that reading with him was good. Loki loved his reading, and his magic, so maybe they could hang out with him in the library. Bad idea. The silence was awkward, and Loki kept walking away. (Y/N) wasn’t sure how to keep on doing it, so the next night, they went back to drunk Loki.

“It’s not working.” They said, sitting down beside him immediately.

“Of course it’s not working, you’ve been following me around all day.” He muttered, and (Y/N) did their best not to blush, but luckily it was dark so he couldn’t tell even if he was looking at them.

“I was hoping you would give me more advice.”

Loki gave a cynical laugh, and looked them in the eye. Something was off today. Something wasn’t right. There were green eyes. “Oh, that’s all I’m good for, I completely forgot. The imperfect, all-knowing god who is only good at advice. The god that can’t do anything other than fuck up, be a fuck up, and stop others from fucking up. The god that isn’t a god. The god that isn’t even a person to most people. The god who just wants to fit in.” When Loki brought the cup to his lips, (Y/N) pressed their hand lightly against his forearm, and pushed his arm down.

To say Loki was surprised was an understatement. No one had prevented him from drinking before. No one had prevented him from dulling the edge of his tongue and turning himself useless.

“Loki, you aren’t a fuck up. You do fit in, you just don’t seem it. You are a person, they just don’t want to believe it because you’re fucking perfect.” He looked up at them when their voice broke. They really couldn’t bare to see their broken prince any more broken than need be. “You’re fucking perfect to me. You aren’t nothing, you are everything. You aren’t just advice, you’re my confidant, you’re the only person I feel semi-comfortable around, everyone is so much more powerful than me and makes sure I feel defenseless around them, but you don’t try. You always act like I’m below you, yes, but you don’t try and put me down more than need be.” They gently removed the cup from his hand as Loki was distracted, slowly registering the words.

“You mean to say-”

“I mean to say that you’re amazing and so much more than just words.” (Y/N) put the mead and the cup out of Loki’s reach, disregarding his magical abilities for the moment. “I mean to say that you’re not just wisdom that people come to receive.” (Y/N) smiled at Loki, a sad sort of smile that mean ‘I’m here for you’, and Loki looked at them in disbelief.

You're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead So complicated, look how big, you'll make it Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game It's enough! I've done all I can think of Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

If Loki completely avoided (Y/N) the next day, he had a good reason. Maybe. Okay, he really didn’t, but after their conversation last night, he wasn’t ready to confront the emotions warring in his heart.

That night, (Y/N) visited Loki again, floating at the doorway as Loki advised Steve against throwing himself out the window as an escape route. Sometimes he wondered how the human race had survived so long.

“So did it work?” Loki asked, without looking up, and (Y/N) sat down next to him, this time just grabbing the bottle and poured some for themselves into a tiny shot cup. Thor had allowed them to drink it before, so they’d be fine. Probably.

“Well, you’re going to have to narrow it down, was it implemented and effective, or was it implemented?” (Y/N) gulped down the shot and looked him in the eye as the alcohol worked its magic on their body. “I can tell you that the target just avoided me the whole day, I don’t know why.”

Now there, there was the flicker of hope that Loki was dreading. It could be that an Avenger was avoiding them all day, but they had been seen with each of the Avengers that day, but never with Loki. There was the hope that would destroy Loki when it was proved wrong. “Just force them into a conversation they’re having or something. Make yourself a part of their life. That’s what I said, wasn’t it? Assert yourself. I know you’re stronger than what you’ve shown me, and more confident than you know.”

“But...” (Y/N) said helplessly, before laying their head down on the counter. “He hates me.” They whispered at last.

Loki snorted, glancing down at (Y/N) as he took a swig. “I doubt anyone in this compound could ever hate you.”

“Well then, you doubt wrong. This specific person hates me so much they avoided me the whole day.” (Y/N)’s voice was now muffled as they buried their face in their forearms. “I don’t know what I did wrong, but suddenly they just stopped interacting with me and were cold towards me. Please Loki, there has to be some sort of advice that you can dish out for me.”

Oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than fuckin' perfect Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing You're fuckin' perfect to me

“Mhm, and you think me, the dumbass monster would have something for you, the dumbass mortal?”

“Hehe, you admit we’re dumbasses.”

“Well, yeah. We’re both drunk, talking about how to woo someone, and probably both ready to cry.”

“What?” (Y/N) was not ready to hear that, but Loki didn’t seem focused. His eyes were staring somewhere into the distance, and his face was set in a rigid mask that didn’t let any emotions through. He was the epitome of stoicism.

When Loki finally let go after a few moments of silence, his eyes brightened with unshed tears as they met theirs. “Sometimes, I wonder how the brightest mortal I know, can’t see or understand what’s right in front of them.”

“Right back atcha.” (Y/N) muttered, before slowly letting their head rest on his shoulder, watching his reaction. He didn’t seem to notice, his eyes already glancing back towards the glass of Asgardian mead. “Maybe I’ll tell you who they are one day, maybe I’ll find out why you always drink yourself silly but give advice out freely one day, maybe I’ll finally understand you one day.”

“Maybe you’ll finally trust me one day.” Loki whispered, and it appeared that he hadn’t meant them to hear it, but they had to do everything in their power to not respond with “I already do”, because sometimes secrets can’t be revealed.

Not before their time.

“Well, you’re not a dumbass. And why would you be ready to cry?” (Y/N) shifted their head so that they were facing Loki; their faces perpendicular, and if Loki just turned his face the slightest... they’d be touching.

Loki didn’t turn to acknowledge their question.

“I am a dumbass. You have no proof-”

“You are the only person on this team who actually knows how to deal with people, or at least, you’re the only person on this team who understands my sass. You’re the smartest person on this team by miles, your knowledge is so extensive sometimes I think you don’t have one brain, you have two-”

“That’s ridiculous, the amount of matter you have in your head is not an indication of-”

“You’re now proving my point, and every time you do something a dumbass would do, you have the audacity to brush it off and make it into some sort of act that you appear to have meant to do. Not to mention you’re a genius-”

“You’ve already mentioned that, two reasons are not enough.”

“Can’t think straight, I’m drunk.”

Loki scoffed, and tilted his head ever so slightly so he could see their face out of the corner of his eyes. “Besides, now that you know I want to seduce someone, you’re probably going to tell the entire team and make them tease me.” He told her sullenly.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because... that’s what anyone would do.”

“Well then, luckily I’m not anyone, I’m (Y/N).” They leaned forward and kissed Loki on the cheek without thinking about it, then got up and dusted themselves off absently before turning on their heel and marching out the door. “Oh, and don’t forget, you’re fucking perfect. Even if you don’t think so, you’re fucking perfect to me.”

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer So cool and limed and we try, try, try But we try too hard and its a waste of my time Done looking for the critics 'cause there everywhere They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time Why do we do that, why do I do that? Why do I do that?

Loki swallowed another one pint of Midgardian beer and hoped his plan would work. He was sober, for the first time in... had it really been 6 months? Hm, the Midgardian alcohol really wasn’t that bad. And it wasn’t strong enough to get him properly intoxicated. Maybe he should drink it more.

“Loki?” (Y/N)’s voice rang out and his traitor heart sped up, pumping more blood to different areas of his body that really didn’t need the boost of adrenaline. Or the colour (his cursed pale skin lit up like a Christmas tree when he blushed).

He knew exactly how to act drunk, and currently had the illusion put around him that his eyes were as red and dilated as they usually were when he was drunk on the Asgardian mead. And he knew that drunk him wouldn’t look up to see them. Or even greet them. It was up to them to approach him. And he hoped that they approached him.

The air next to him shifted, and he risked a glance. Somehow, they managed to look even prettier in the moonlight streaming through the ceiling to floor glass panes that worked as walls.

(Y/N) let out a little sigh, and scrutinised him. They seemed to be checking for differences. Must be the different scent of alcohol. That might give him away actually. He swished the cup gently and drank it all in one go, before magically refilling it. “It’s not working.” They murmured finally.

“It’s not working because you’re not spending time with the right person.” Loki instantly retorted before he sipped the beer and moved his body so that he was facing (Y/N) more. “So who is this... marvelous person who seems to have captured your heart?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me yours so you can jog my memory?”

Loki chuckled at their attempt. “It doesn’t work like that (Y/N).” He told her, then suddenly remembered that he had to actually drink to seem drunk. “But maybe I will tell you, just to see your reaction.” He muttered to himself, loud enough for (Y/N) to hear it, but only barely.

“Please do.” They rested their head on his shoulder, or rather, his arm as that was all they could reach with how far apart they were and the angle that Loki was on.

“Well, I guess there really isn’t anything stopping me from telling you, and you probably wouldn’t care either way.” Well that hurt. For both of them. Loki talking to himself about the hopelessness of the situation, and (Y/N) realising it’s not them.

“How about we say it on three?” (Y/N) told him softly. If Loki was going to tell them, they might as well get it over and done with while he did.

“Three....” Loki started, eyes disturbingly sober as they met theirs.

“Two....” (Y/N) continued.

“One.” They finished in unison.

“It’s you.” They simultaneously looked away, as if bracing for pain.

Oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than fuckin' perfect Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing You're fuckin' perfect to me! You're perfect, you're perfect

“What?” They exclaimed, startled and still in sync.

“I said, it’s you.” Their voices meshed into one, and looked incredulous as one.

“You’re not joking, are you...?” Loki looked hopeful, and (Y/N) would never be able to take that sort of hope away, even if it was a lie.

“Hey, you’re the conscious lie detector here, I should be the one worrying, you’re the God of Lies.” (Y/N) remarked, with a hint of a smirk on their face. But the truth of the words stung, yes Loki could tell that they are telling the exact truth and that they loved him very much... but they would never be able to tell if he was really telling the truth.

“My wonderful mortal, why the fuck wouldn’t I love someone as perfect as you?” Loki exclaimed, wonder and shock bleeding into what he had tried to keep as a controlled voice. “Please, I’m begging you, believe me when I say this, but if you ever feel like you’re nothing, like you’re worthless, you’re perfect to me. You’ve always been perfect to me.” Loki looked away for that last part, he didn’t want to see the moment when they realised that he had been harbouring this secret for months.

“And so have you.” When Loki didn’t reply, (Y/N) continued, standing up and walking behind him, then wrapping their arms around him. “I’ve loved you since that first moment I met you and you threw a book at Tony, then made a flirtatious joke to Stephen. After that, every prank, every joke you’ve made has pulled me in more. Then finding out how broken you really are....”

“Scared you away?”

(Y/N) tightened their arms around the tall Jotun beanstalk-of-a-god. “Pulled me closer.” They loosened their hold ever so slightly, but still kept him within their arms. “You don’t make me cut myself on your sharp edges, you make me blunt your sharp edges. I want to help you. I want to love you.” They let go of him, took his hands from around the glass of beer and tilted his head with their other hand. “Let me love you.”

“Please.” Loki looked up into their eyes, and for the first time, bared his emotions and intentions.

“Of course, my love. My fucking perfect love.”

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing You're fuckin' perfect to me

76 notes · View notes

demigodofhoolemere · 5 years

Text

A year later I still have some feelings about Loki’s IW scene, and now in a post-Endgame world there’s even more to think about and I kinda just need to write it down.

~~~

I have plenty of problems with it, but I’ve never had the same problem I’ve seen many other fans have with it, which is believing him to be out of character there. I definitely get why one can feel that way about it, but his dialogue and his actions always seemed fair enough to me. Goodness knows it was more like himself than 90% of anything he said or did in Ragnarok. I’ve reblogged stuff from that scene because it makes me emotional. His speech, his last words, his love for his brother, his sacrifice, they all moved me, and I can believe them. I appreciate that they acknowledge that Loki would die for Thor. I can even believe that if it came down to it, if all the chips were down and he had absolutely no moves left, if the attempt he made with the dagger was 1000% for sure the last thing he could try, then yeah, he’d go down swinging.

The issue stems from the fact that we’re not given enough reason to believe that there really was nothing else he could do. They conveniently forget about all of his skills, all of his powers and magic, and we’re not given any in-universe excuse for this. They could have in the very least had Thanos say something about not falling for tricks, if they were determined to not give Loki the chance to use any. But instead of that, all we get is Loki immediately resorting to the dagger, which is why people have been calling him an idiot for the last year because either the Russos or M&M or both couldn’t have been bothered to narratively justify him taking this action. If they were so set on having him do what he did, they needed to do a better job at establishing that it was the only thing he had left to do, instead of making him look stupid for not doing more.

And really, it’s stupidity on the part of the people making it (sorry guys) for not letting him use his abilities as the last resort rather than the dagger, because at least there’s the chance of him making a dent if he uses magic and even if it fails then he still tried something better than stabbing, and not to mention it would display how terrifying Thanos is if even Loki’s powers weren’t enough. But it’s the stabbing because they say so. Again, you’ve got to narratively justify this stuff. Even if I believe he’d do it if there was literally just nothing left, you have to go to the effort of proving that to be the case.

But in the end it’s not even about him being backed into a corner with no options, it’s about the filmmakers refusing to give him any. It didn’t have to happen the way it did, no one held them at gunpoint and forced them to do it. Even if you’re determined to kill him, he didn’t have to go out that way. And even so, why kill him? There are SO many things you can do with a character like that. Show he and Thor side by side, working together, battling through trauma together. Show him with the other Avengers and the Guardians. There’s a wealth of fantastic interactions we could have had. Loki could have actually had friends for the first time in his life (heaven forbid). He could have made connections that would have helped him. His abilities could have been incredibly useful. He could have played a part in getting revenge on the man who abused him. So many things that could have been awesome and cathartic. The possibilities are endless. They just... chose not to.

After IW I was willing to give things a chance. His mysterious prolonged absence, his seemingly specific choices of words, the fact that he was the only optimistic character in the movie despite his circumstances, and above all the highly suspect line, “The sun will shine on us again,” as if he knew something, all seemed to indicate that there was something more. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high, because Marvel, but things were looking good. I was willing to overlook the things I took issue with, because for the most part I didn’t think it was a terribly written scene and I thought there’d be some sort of payoff for making me watch what was horrible about it. And now I’m just bewildered and frustrated that it was all for nothing. Purely shock value. What in the world was the point?

And what’s all the more aggravating is that he was only killed to further Thor’s pain (as if he hasn’t already lost enough anyway?). He’s treated as a pawn rather than a character in his own right, just to (somehow) further someone else’s story, and then what happens? Throughout the entirety of Endgame, Thor doesn’t mention his brother once. Never says his name. Doesn’t even look at him when he’s right there. Even in IW he only refers to “my brother” a couple of times and when he goes after Thanos his, “I told you you’d die for that,” is in reference to Heimdall (which I appreciate, don’t get me wrong, Heimdall so easily could have gotten lost in the fray of things and I’m glad he got recognition), but nothing about Loki, not for two whole movies. So how exactly did killing him do anything for Thor when he seems to be more or less unaffected by it? Their entire history and bond was erased. But I guess you lose the space for stuff like that when you’re so busy trying to cram endless fat jokes into the runtime. Priorities.

Then they act like giving us 2012!Loki is a gift. At least we have a Loki, so we should be satisfied, as if they didn’t mercilessly fridge the prime timeline Loki. While 2012!Loki is very much the same entity, and he has gone through 99% of the same life... without these crucial last several years, it’s simultaneously a very different Loki, especially given the time he’s from — he’s the most damaged Loki, the most hardened one, the one who is going to have an even harder time of doing any sort of healing. It’s difficult to be happy about having him in any form when it’s like this. I love 2012!Loki just as much as I love him at any point in his life, but I haven’t seen him in years. I want back the version of him that they took (ditto that with Gamora, by the way). This is practically starting over. Not to mention I just don’t trust them with the character anymore. Tom’s my only hope.

Loki deserved better. He deserved to be treated as his own person and not a dispensable extension of his brother (like that’s not what he was already made to think his whole life). He deserved to be done justice by the story. He deserved to not be humiliatingly strangled to death by his torturer. He deserved more dignity than this. He deserved to not have the last words his brother says to him be an insult. He deserved to be redeemed (which he already was, ugh) without having to die for it. He deserved to live. He deserved to rebuild his life and finally get the time to heal properly. The fans deserved to not have their dedication be punished. And if nothing else, Tom deserved better than this, dang it.

I’m just... aaaahhhhgggshdjdhsjs. So tired. So tired of shock value. So tired of disappointments in stories. So tired of Loki’s constant mistreatment in canon and reality. Marvel’s got it out for him which means they can’t have him anymore. I’m adopting him and taking him far away where he will be loved.

#siiiigh #marvel #loki #endgame critical #infinity war critical #avengers: infinity war #infinity war p1 #avengers 4 #endgame #spoilers #marvel spoilers #avengers 4 spoilers #endgame spoilers #marvel critical

6 notes · View notes

zivitz · 5 years

Text

I can’t reblog this post so I’m just gonna copy and paste my reply. And then I have better things to do with my brain space than respond to people who are attempting to browbeat me into submission while simultaneously refusing to allow me to participate, explain, or elaborate on my POV. So I might be talking to myself here, but it makes me feel better. To my followers, I’m sorry for the novel.

@trashpandabarnes ( @trashpanda-barnes) wrote:

yeah, abusing and gaslighting your “daughter” whose family who burnt to the ground, whom you tried to manipulate and sacrificed AGAINST HER WILL, as she ACTIVELY EXPRESSED HER DESIRE TO FREE HERSELF FROM YOU but you threw her off the cliff’s edge because u want power, because you don’t actually care about your “daughter” but are ALL about making her tragedy of negligence and abuse ALL YOUR OWN self-vicimized manpain is totally the characteristics of a fantastique dad™, ooof i could go on and on on the Gamora thing alone but then there’s Nebula who you mistreated her whole life and constantly pit her against the only person who she felt like she could have a connection to, and never passed up a chance to insult her, saying killing her would be a “waste of parts”. Boi oh boi @zivitz never fucking have kids dude if you think saying/doing this kind of shit to your kids is still gonna get u the award of father of the year bc no matter how much u claim u love ur kids, it doesn’t fucking excuse the abuse and also never have a girlfriend if this is how you think women are to be treated in fiction/otherwise —its 2018, women deserve better than to be treated as plot device for a self-importance asshole’s cringey angst. Get tf outta here with your apologist attitude, dufe. Thanos shows no remorse or no acknowledgement of faults and therefore, no character growth. He is stubborn and self-absorbed and a deadass weak villian. Marvel went about wrong with constantly trying to sympathize him, he’s a purple egoistic maniac and that is not an appealing character trait and should NOT have been glamorized by marvel for edgy fanboys like you with barely one working braincell, end of.

First of all, and this must be embarrassing for you- I’m not a guy. At least, I hope it’s embarrassing, because you’re making a fuck of a lot of assumptions based on this belief and they’re all wrong.

There seems to be a lot of thought going around that I am, and I quote, “pro-Thanos”. That I defend his actions or justify them in any way. That I think he’s a swell guy who’s just a misunderstood woobie. Or something. I think you’re confusing me with the Loki fangirls, but whatever.

Thanos being both capable of love and actually loving Gamora doesn’t make him a good person. It’s pretty clear throughout the movie that Gamora is literally the only person he loves. At all. In the universe. Except for himself, that is. Just because he’s capable of loving Gamora doesn’t mean he loves Nebula- I mean, clearly he fucking hates her. He doesn’t love the Black Order. I have a hunch that they started out as his ‘children’ in terms of being under his protection, guidance, and doing his bidding, but he was taken by Gamora and she became his daughter in thought and deed as well as word.

I have never ever said he was a good father, either. He clearly was not; no good parent puts their child through that kind of pain. No good parent rips a child away from their family, kills them, forces them into a life they neither are ready for nor would have chosen. A good parent (even most bad parents) doesn’t pit children against each other. Gamora had an abusive childhood, flat out. No one’s arguing that. Thanos is a big fat child abuser. He abused her (and Nebula, and probably the Black Order) to suit his own purpose. It was bad and wrong and fucked them all up royally and none of them deserved that.

Now take a step back and get the fuck of your high horse for a minute, and look at it from Thanos’s perspective. He is the hero of his own story. That’s what we were meant to see in Infinity War. A peek at the story from his point of view. Not that we were supposed to believe he was right, not that they were saying he had a point, or that we should sympathize with him. We’re not supposed to see character growth because he’s not the hero and there is no redemption. We’re just seeing how things look from his vantage point.

He saw his world die and couldn’t stop it because no one was strong enough to do the terrible, awful thing that would have saved it. And he saw the same things happening all over, so he decided he was the only one strong enough to do what needed to be done. And he worked hard at it. He collected his ‘children’, those he could raise and train to be strong like him and carry out his work. Carry on his work, if it lasted beyond his lifetime.

Gamora came along and was Different. In that deleted scene, he said himself he saw himself as alone and he was okay with that (he says in a voice that very much says he was Not Okay With That) because he had ‘a new vocation’. Until Gamora. He loved her. Took her under his wing, trained her, challenged her to be the best she could be. Gave her a family. Thought she, his favourite daughter, would be his heir. Wanted her to choose it, choose him, and let her leave when she didn’t instead of dragging her back and punishing her. He doesn’t really care that she’s rejecting him because he loves her regardless, but is hurt by the betrayal of her lies because she was the one person he trusted completely. He hurts her, but only as much as he has to to get what he needs. If he didn’t need to, he wouldn’t hurt her (we see this again and again- he could have killed Bruce, Groot, Cap, Wanda- and he didn’t. He just wanted them out of his way). His Vocation is more important at this point. And even then, he struggles with the decision that he must sacrifice the one person he loves and again be utterly alone- and live with the knowledge that he’s killed his child, his ‘everything’- for the sake of the Greater Good.

That’s how Thanos views himself. Is that how I view him? Not really. I mean, objectively speaking he did pretty fucking unspeakable things for what he thinks in his own incredibly misguided way is the right thing to do. Did Gamora deserve all that? Fuck, no. No one does. Did he love her during all of that, think he was doing what was best for her? Yup. Was it actually what was best for her? Fucking hell. No.

I love Gamora. I feel a great affinity for her because I grew up in an abusive household, where I was groomed and manipulated to be what my mother wanted and needed me to be. I was made in her image, to be useful to her and do what she needed and prop her up. I was her enabler for a long time. I didn’t break away from her until I was long into adulthood. And yet, I was loved. My mother thought she was doing the right thing by me. She thought she was making me into a strong person. She was doing her best to make me the best I could be by her vision. Because she loved me. She was wrong about what she was doing. She fucked me up in ways I’m still learning about. I can see both worlds: the one my mother inhabits, and the real world.

I feel Gamora. I really, truly do. But liking Thanos, being able to see how he sees himself and yes, even feel bad for someone who’s suffering even if they’re a crazy abusive monster, doesn’t mean I have to agree with him. Doesn’t mean I think he’s justified, doesn’t make me an apologist. Doesn’t mean I love Gamora any less.

And it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. That I support abuse, abusers, or would abuse anyone in any way. I work with very young children precisely because I was abused and no one helped me. And I want to keep that from happening to other children, to keep them from growing up like I did. It’s my own version of “There are little girls like you across the universe who are in danger. You can stay with us and help them.” You make a lot of assumptions about me, and we all know what they say about that. This is fandom, but we’re all people here. Maybe check yourself before you go shooting your mouth off about shit you know nothing about.

#Thanos #fandom drama #you don't have to agree with me #but fuck off with the personal attacks and assumptions #infinity war

13 notes · View notes

yuananas · 6 years

Text

Loki, Prince of Asgard, Odinson, rightful King of Jotunheim, God of Mischief, Bringer of Chaos, Brother of Thor…

... is so damn tragic, and such an interesting character who is mentally and morally and emotionally challenging, and deserves development... and is killing me. In this essay I will... be fangirling over him, basically...

His main skills:

He’s the God of Mischief. Master of Chaos.

He’s observant, he thinks before acting, strategic but flexible. Very “perceptive about everyone” (except for himself). That enables him to be highly manipulative through words or magic. To hide his true intentions and get people to do what he wants.

But he’s also causing chaos. With whatever he does. It’s a boon and bane. For he always adds just the pinch of chaos and destruction that is needed for development. It’s probably Loki’s “prank” leading Frost Giants into Asgard, that saves them all of a terrible and immature King Thor. It’s Loki who saw Thor’s inability to rule yet, way earlier than Odin realized himself – but of course it’s him to be blamed for Thor’s exile and everything that happens in the first Thor movie. Actually they should be thankful Loki enabled growth…

Also when he’s attacking earth. He’s the one bringing the quarrel to the Avengers but isn’t that the catalyst for them addressing their concerns and teaming up? (Ok, beside Coulson’s “death” but actually that’s also been Loki…) And isn’t it causing them to prepare for even worse (Thanos)?

He’s also a Frost Giant.

His main motives are to get the appreciation and love of his family. To be accepted and loved for who he is and everything that comes with it – for them (Thor, in the end), to see he is not doing all of this with evil intentions but to also see what good comes from chaos.

He strives to become Thor’s equal. Not for a throne or power (that would come with responsibilities).

He’s also trying to get the best out of everything for himself. And oftentimes he just wants to stay alive.

And he never learned to cope with the consequences of his actions in a functional way – no one ever gave him the chance to, probably. So his answer is mostly to run away, hide and play dead or to overreact and being a Drama Queen. (Calm waters are the deepest, right? And he’s staying calm and hidden so much, sometimes it HAS to break free, right?)

His development…

So what we have in the first movie is a very clever boy who somehow always felt like he didn’t belong… like sth is wrong with him, somehow inferior to his brother, mistreated by his father – and probably it’s not only his feeling but, to some extent, the result of their actions.

He’s seeing a Thor, unfitting for the Throne but no one else seems to notice and no one will listen to him anyway, but: he knows tricks. He knows secret passageways, he knows how to cause chaos (well everyone just takes him for a party trick and not taking his magic serious) so he wants to show them all! He is to be taken serious and he will prevent Thor from getting on the Throne so easily, while Loki strives so hard and getting nothing. So he tricks a little and he talks Thor into something a little and it’s probably also very satisfying, seeing what he is able to do.

But it somehow gets out of hands… it becomes bigger than he intended, Thor being cast out, Odin asleep. But isn’t that also a chance for him?

But he learns he’s a monster. He learns the reason why all his life he felt so wrong and everything just becomes worse: his frustration, his rage… he’s totally losing himself: everything he believed in turned out to be a lie. (Probably not everything, I guess Frigga’s love for him isn’t, but Loki is seeing it that way)

And he strives again, he’s shooting in every direction, keeping Thor away (not killing him, never killing him, though he had many chances to do so but with killing Thor he would lose the family he wants to belong to, the ones he actually, deep down, loves), showing Asgard (and Odin) how vulnerable they are, at the same time trying to destroy the Frost Giants and Jötunheim (the parts of him he despises so much for making him different) and also getting Odin’s appreciation with doing so.

And when it comes to the worst, when Thor comes back, being the glorious hero and Loki finds himself in the role of the inferior again, the one who has to fear blame and punishment instead of love and appreciation, he is running away. He lets go, let himself float into the universe – he plays dead.

(What other choices does he have, oftentimes, than running away and playing dead? He doesn’t expect to be treated fair or to be forgiven by those people who – he thinks – think so little of him and who he can’t trust, no more…)

But what does he find? Even more torture, being made an instrument of Thanos. No Thor coming to search for him. No Odin is trying to bring him back… so what else is left for him then to somehow show he is still there by causing trouble. If I don’t get your attention by trying so hard to be good (all my life), then maybe I get your attention by being bad. And btw, he doesn’t stand a chance against Thanos, so he’s gotta do what he’s told. Kind of. He doesn’t really do it in a very successful way, even if he surely would be able to do better. But being successful isn’t really his intent. He probably just wants to be saved from the abuse of Thanos, knowing he can get Thor’s and Odin’s attention and get them to bring him back. And the Tesseract and Scepter are pretty interesting, too.

But remember what he says to Black Widow? About so much red on the ledger? How will she ever be able to wipe that out? Well… it’s also about him, isn’t it? It’s a question he asks himself: will I ever meet forgiveness for what I’ve done, for what I’m doing here, for who I am? Or am I doomed for the rest of my life cause I messed up? Can I really run from it?

Well he ends in the dungeons of Asgard. Finally meeting consequences for his actions. He’s at the very bottom there – save from Thanos, yes, but stuck. Stuck in his personal growth, also. So he needs the time there. He needs to be pulled off the track, to be put to a place where he can think about everything, figure it out. At first you just see ongoing hatred against Odin and Thor. He’s still blaming them for everything that went wrong, hiding himself away behind (false) justifications for his actions (like him being born a king). He isn’t really growing but stuck in self-pity and blind hate – it prevents him from really facing what he has done. Which would be very painful… and not bringing him anywhere, cause Thor and Odin are, too, not facing what they have done to him and in which points they are doing him wrong.

He is at the very bottom when Frigga is killed. Cause in his (partly self-chosen) prison of hate he is also unable to be there for the ones he loves. And again: his actions (not only his, but it will be blamed on him) bring pain and destruction…

But he has to think now. He has to reflect now about his shares on all of this. And I guess he’s on a point where he’s so torn between the blame and hate he himself holds for Odin and Thor and the pain of the guilt he feels himself… he’s gotta be such a chaotic mess of self pity, guilt, hatred, still not knowing who exactly he is or wants to be and the traumatic experiences he suffered in the time with Thanos… abandonment even… loss…

And then Thor comes… mighty, glorious Thor finally lowering himself to see him down there at the bottom, needing his help. Help only he can give him: the outcast, the trickster, the sneaking God of Mischief. How relieved he must be, but how bitter, too. Thor only comes when he needs him, not cause he cares about him. But: he finally learns why Loki is to be appreciated for his skills. And then again: he is promised to be facing his cell again, after doing his duty.

So: no real forgiveness in sight. No real appreciation, no Thor seeing it’s not all Loki’s fault, no love and redemption… not yet… but I guess a beginning is made?

Thor also rather gets the help of Loki than obeying Odin. And they already are combining their skills and powers. A beginning of a change for Thor, Loki and Asgard?

But what other chance does Loki have than to escape, faking his death? (To escape lifelong prison, to make Thor sorry, to show him he will suffer his loss, despite of Thor telling/showing him how little he thinks of him. To sacrifice even to be finally redeemed… alive he would not get that chance, for sure. But now again: he escapes in faking his death, also giving him the chance of inventing himself new. Without having to face consequences. But well, the consequences he’d have to face would not be fair, for Thor and Odin still ignoring their shares on all the catastrophes they blame on Loki.

Also there is a chance to come back at Odin for his ignorance and for what he was doing to him all his life. In parodying him. In mocking him. In playing him as the arrogant, self-righteous, unable ruler he saw in him. And also kind of destroying the power Odin built up – in ways that had been more gruesome than anything Loki has ever done, but that are forgiven – contrary to Loki’s doings.

Now that Frigga is no more, no one will notice. And also no one is there to keep Odin in check. He shows he’s now making terrible decisions, neither Thor nor Loki, not even Heimdall would approve. They are all better off without Odin on the throne but Thor won’t take this responsibility himself. He can’t. At least not without betraying his wish to be a good / wise / worthy man rather than a king. He’d need to fall into the same patterns as Odin, probably, keeping Asgard alive in the old ways. Which also would keep him from giving Loki a fair chance of becoming himself and being appreciated for it.

The old Asgard has to fall.

Thor probably senses that it’s Loki on the throne, not Odin, when he doesn’t take Mjolnir. But probably he doesn’t care or doesn’t want / isn’t able to face it or mutually agrees about Odin not being fit for the throne anymore?

So they stay in a kind of vacuum of uncertainty? Of unsaid and unworked things…

Then in Ragnarök, Thor falls back at the old patterns again: blaming Loki for everything that happened. Ignoring the shares each one of them has. But Loki doesn’t buy this shit anymore. Thor’s the one at the bottom now, all rules are shut off at Sakaar, also there is someone they have to actually fight (Hela, but it’s superficially just Thor who wants to fight her, not the same situation as against the Dark Elves) and it gives them the chance of evolving. A co-dependent evolving, though: Loki can only grow if Thor is growing to understand and appreciate him. And Thor needs a grown Loki to team up with – cause a suppressed Loki won’t stay with him… and Asgard also needs a king who’s found his own way of reigning…

Odin is dead, the old Asgard and old rules are torn down, giving them chances to reinvent themselves, their roles, Asgard and their relationship, teaming up to be the most powerful couple in the Universe. And imagine how powerful they’d even be if Loki does not only use his powers as God of Mischief to the fullest, but also as a Frost Giant!)

They are still at the beginning with this developmental process, which would enable Loki to be himself and be loved and appreciated as God of Mischief and the way he deals with things – that’s different from Thor’s – when Infinity War happens.

Why Loki is taking the Tesseract, we don’t know. It wasn’t actually a bad idea. Who knows what Hela or Surtur would have done with it? Or what it had caused in an exploding Asgard? And who knows what Thor, Loki and Asgard could have used it for?

Maybe it was also Loki not being able to resist the temptation – he still is the God of Mischief and Chaos, he doesn’t have to do “the right” things just for the sake of them being noble and right – there’re great chances in this, as there are in chaos. (But of course this fact is not easy to bear, so all respects to Thor if he really does appreciate and respect Loki for being the God of Mischief and endures causing trouble all the time and learns to see what it’s good for.)

We maybe see some kind of “fuck… again everything’s getting worse cause Loki could not help himself” and a “I’m so sorry…” in Loki, but I want to assume Thor maybe knew. Or he at least doesn’t blame him. That “You’re really the worst, brother” means he hoped for Loki not giving Thanos the Tesseract. Or is some kind of “you’re so mischievious again, I hope you have a plan for this… / I know you’re that way… I still love you but it’s a heavy burden you put on me.” Like saying to your best friend: “I hate you, you’re the worst” for dragging you into a new fandom but of course you don’t mean it in a really bad way...

Or course none of this would have happened if the Tesseract/Space Stone would have been destroyed? Would it even be possible to destroy it with an exploding Asgard? Of course Thanos would not have gone for the Asgardians if Loki wouldn’t have had the Tesseract. But doing so brings Thor (and Loki) into the game against Thanos and without them, the Avengers wouldn’t stand a chance. And you don’t see Thor blaming Loki even once during the whole movie. (Except for “You’re the worst, brother”…and I want to interpret this differently! Because I’m a sucker for harmony and happy endings and it’s so heartbreaking seeing him suffering and struggling all the time...)

And last but not least: he’s clearly stating who he is. Loki, Prince of Asgard, Odinson, the rightful King of Jötunheim, f*ing GOD OF MISCHIEF! (Yes, he’s talking to get time and to distract Thanos, but he’s also looking at Thor and he could have told everything, but nope, he’s reciting his whole title, his whole identity.) So this might be a clear message: this is me. I’ve found myself. And my place. Trust me to get us out of this... my way.

I’m still convinced they will defeat Thanos in the end and I still hope Loki will have a role in this. Or he had a plan to stay alive and therefor somehow getting away. Him dying like this is not an option. (And I won’t accept him being oh so sorry or oh so beyond redemption that he has to die.)

What I really hope for him, actually, is having a plan. Taking part in defeating Thanos, in his very own chaotic, mischievous way. Finding a way to accept and use his Frost Giant form. And in the end, on the throne of Jötunheim, reigning the Nine Realms together with Thor, causing just enough chaos to keep everyone busy with evolving^^

[I’ve done this in such a quick and dirty way, sorry if there are parts that are very abridged or don’t make sense...and I will definitely regret this when I rewatch the other movies, too ... I just need... to get over this now and face my own problems...]

#Loki #thor #marvel #mcu #theory time #odin #my sweet little blue baby icicle...#...and get back to working on my fanfics...

8 notes · View notes