#i just cant breathe right now

[seaquestions]

kitten really. really. really. needed that win. instead i had to experience the most stressful hour of my life at work with a smile on my face and didn't even get to feel good abt hockey.

#incoherent turtle noises #ive been edging a panic attack for like 45minutes. its… mostly over now. the stress i mean. #i just have to count the cash like none of that affected me in the slightest so. ok cool. #Really. really rly rly rly needed that win. ohhh well……. #im almost done w my shift. im still coming down like i cant breathe right. motherfucker… cant even get relax later cos my mom’s at home. #god. god. crosby.. man… i really needed that. sorry. i have to take it out on sum1 it was mcdavid last time ur not the only one.

[waterfallofspace]

hello. i am having severe feverish g/ojo thoughts.

"You mean him severely fevered, or that the thoughts are se-"

Yes.

#thats it thats the post thats all ive got #there is an image of his normally pale face flushed #all the angles standing out with each brilliant curve illuminated from the warm glow #sweat soaked hair clinging to his forehead as his normally playful mask is slipping #tongue peeking out through his teeth as he sucks in sharp breaths trying to retain what little control he has left #the world around him starting to feel a bit further away #he can't seem to quite focus enough to pick individual shapes out from the masses #im so out of my mind right now but i just cant stop thinking about this #if i could draw better... you better believe i would be drawing this... #i might do it anyways but unlikely because the image is so pure in my head and i dont want to dirty it #ANYWAYS im posting this here because uhhhhh well honestly because i just need to say it somewhere its rotting my soul

[cosmobrain00]

well🙂

#*visibly trying not to burst into tears* hey guys whats up #surprise surprise another absence bc my life can’t stop getting WORSE evry day it seems haha! #so. now who’s gonna tell me how u deal w the loss of ur fave person n the one person u were 100% certain truly loved u no matter what #who also inspired u to be an artist in the first place n who's been there for u ur ENTIRE life #like idk how to start dealing w it lmao. one min ill be basically okay n then the next ill feel like smthing just tore a chunk out of me #looked outside just a sec ago n thought “oh so she'll never see my progress in art. oh ill never get to make another painting for her” #n yk part of me just wants to pretend like none of it happened honestly #like “hey that was a fucked up dream oh well let me call [x] n tell them I love them” #n I dont fucking KNOW how to deal w this grief n idk whats normal n what isnt #no I havent cried rlly but almost every day I feel like I cant breathe n tht my chest is collapsing in on itself #no I cant talk abt it but i can’t draw like I used to n thinking abt my last art project makes me wanna throw up #< considering it was going to be a present for her tht she'll never get to see. Haha so funny right guys #fuck I need to get so entirely drunk over this now RELAPSING TIME BABY!! #anyways. will try to be normal tm n talk to ppl again instead of isolating as a way to cope n sorry to ppl who have msg'd me Ill be back

[episteme-agape]

Gotham War Spoiler Alluding!!

New challenge: DC writers don't try to kill/traumatize/otherwise incapacitate Jason Todd for five whole minutes!

Never mind they already failed again...

Really, DC, stellar job convincing fans that you appreciate Jason's character arc and actually want him around.

#batfamily #bad bruce wayne #gotham war #gotham war spoilers #I cant deal with this anymore #jason todd #I love whump #but please #at least let jason breathe in comics #idk though #they could go somewhere good with it #but for right now #its as if DC just wants to hurt jason and batfam fans more #and yeah i get the whole Zur part of it #but still #could they be anymore obvious they want jason gone #red hood #the only good thing from this is i know there is going to be a lot of fix-it hurt/comfort fanfic that I will use to appease my itch #of dc torturing batfam members

[toaster-selfships]

Send me good wishes yall. I'm going to try and work on some late work when I get home but I'm chronically bad at doing that without an energy drink but I'm not ready for the impending doom of selling my soul to energy drinks so I can function

Uuhhhhhhhhh I accidentally went on a tangent and there's a whole vent in the tags oopsies

#i already get an energy drink every time on my lunch break at work. but thats partly cause im not too fond of my current job anyways #i dont need perfect grades just. as long as theyre passing i dont care #and are still passing grades after whatverr the finals do to it #im going to a trade school anyways gpa doesnt matter. ive just. QUITE LITERALLY. spent my whole life smacking my head into a desk- #-cause of school. and im so desperate to get my ass outta here. It'll be so much easier cause i will be free from family too #once i get my own place that is. I honest to God would rather sell my soul to two jobs and come home to peace and breathe #than this hell now. being at school is tourment and being at home is tourment. cant wait till im actually HOME. and not some. house. #home is where the dodge challenger that i will sleep in is. home is where the heart is. and my heart isnt anywhere here. #just. one more year. i can get my license at my brithday which is all the way in decemeber but. one more year from now #and I can scrape by and graduate and say adios. #i refuse to acknowledge the scenerio of not making it cause. fuck it we ball or something. am i using that saying right #i already did my time in prison(summer school) #i dont know about yall but summer school was honestly one of the WORST expereinces ive ever been in. horrible.

[bl00dw1tch]

God. God. God. Holy fucking shit i love Avatar so fucking much

#horse.txt #im being so real right now it breaks my goddamn heart that so many people hate it on principle and go into it waiting to be disappointed #like. god. seriously? how do so few people seem to see the shit im seeing? how do people not GET its RIGHT THERE??? #idk man im like. high and the hd release is out so it feels like Christmas but this shit has been on my mind and its at like a precipice #its one thing when ppl just aren't into it but the absolute LOATHING and DISDAIN people harbour for these movies is just. baffling #i cant understand it #i hate statistics. why did it have to pan out this way #how can anybody hate this production literally decades in the making? the fucking DEFINITION of a Passion Project? #the labour and love and inventive GENIUS that has gone into these films--and #you know what? the writing ISN'T that fucking awful. its not perfect because no movie is ever fucking perfect and sometimes you #have to give a script and characters breathing room. room to make mistakes!!! because this fucking obsession with #'characters dont have to be realistic!' is BULLSHIT. and NO saying that does not conflict with the idea that Characters=/=real ppl in #discourse!the ideas can fucking coexist! having realistic characters is GOOD its fucking GOOD when theyre stupid and do shit you dont like! #because thats what REAL PEOPLE DO thats what makes them fucking COMPELLING thats what youre SUPPOSED to let draw you in!!!!!! #but noooo no no no no keep repeating your smurf pocahontas jokes and roll your eyes at anyone who does like it like theyre stupid #because you can't be assed to give something a chance just because everyone Else is calling it stupid #and you dont want them to roll their eyes at /you/ #i know this is dumb to be so heated about but im just. im sad man. im happy im having a great day!! but im sad #about how few people i can share it with yk..???

[coiled-dragon]

Sometimes I wanna write poetry about how I feel about People but then im afraid it'll be recognized by the people it is about

#Im so ridiculously embarrassed by how much I love #especially right now where it is taking a shape that is different from others #its different than the love of my wife or my partners or my boyfriend #its different then how I typically love my friends #its just so damn different and weird and heavy breathing through a deep chest #with strange envy and desires on the edge of incestuous #love as a jealous hunger the kind I write about but not with all the red flags I typically write about lol #but love also as an intense need to protect #put in my mouth and carry somewhere safe #or at the very least #to carry inside of me always #UGHUGUHGUHUGUHUGH #WHY CANT I BE NORMAL #so many close friends so many romantic and platonic partners #and yet I STILL Find new ways to love #new ways the burn!!!

[perenlop]

back when this series first dropped i remembered it really bothered me that people called satogou "firstfriendshipping" cause it ignored chloe's presence in the group as goh's actual first friend, and yknow it sorta had "ignore the girl so only the boys matter" vibes, but see now i can't even be too annoyed about that cause in retrospect it's not like the show itself gives a fuck about chloe or considers her goh's friend

#which like. honestly id argue theres some misogyny in the show in how she was handled #cause she WAS billed as another companion. shes in the opening shes very prominent in those first few eps #but the writers didnt actually care about her arc. they only cared about ash's and goh's. the show acts like her friendship with goh isnt a #isnt as important. and then later on they retcon yamper being ''her'' pokemon and give her that dumbass eevee plot #shes literally a rehash of a rehash and its so disappointing. shes just serena and may's arc again but worse #literally got to the point where her final centric episode wasnt even about HER. it was about her goddamn dad #and it ends with her basically going ''hmmm i might figure out what i wanna do. but not right now. bc the writers didnt know either'' #and then she becomes a researcher which is what she was afraid of being percieved as bc of her heritage and its not even remarked upon #like. are you serious. au where the writers gave a shit about koharu beyond making her another eevee girl #i cant even appreciate her eevee being a silly little girl cause in the sub at least it actually got really grating #that VA was gasping for breath with how high pitched and airy they made that eevee voice and it got really old really fast #which is why im glad they dubbed it in english. they didnt have to but hopefully that makes my life easier #unless the dub voice is also obnoxious which is unfortunately very possible #echoed voice #jn lb

[melto]

november is such a bad time of year for me it sucks like im never more scared and insecure espcially about my friends and i feel so pathetic like im begging all the time for any bit of attention and validation that im a real human person im empty and grieving and wanting but everyone is a few steps and a door just too far out of reach but at the same time i feel so disconnected with myself bc i feel like i dont know myself i feel like no one around me knows me which makes me inherently feel guilty like im a liar and i cant picture a future for myself no matter what i do and im stuck and restless and pathetic and i just miss my friends but im insecure and cant convince myself half the time that im worth being in anyones life

#i know i'll get over it i know it is always just so bad this time of year but it sucks #i dont remeber it being so suffocating last year. i feel like i cant breathe right now. #maybe im just a worse person. maybe im just boring. maybe im just too weird. #arugh. at least i have thearpy tomorrow. #news with isaac

[rosenfey]

I just logged in to say I will not apologize for the person I will become when dragons dogma 2 comes out.

#ambie.txt #i just skipped thru the showcase log from yesterday because i wanna go with as much fresh eyes as possible and ghgngngngngn #i want my dragon kissing simulator ver. 2 right now i cant wait fghgngngn #seeing grigori in high res current graphics sent me i had to pause the video to breathe.. big red dragon i kiss you so much ngngngng #ok time to log off and replay ddda for the 849675th time #dorothea my beloved here i gooooooo

[widevibratobitch]

.

#havent really been active on tumblr the last few days but now i came back to post another vent and fuck off again lol hiiiiii #i havent cried in way too long. ngl sobbing hysterically in your bed does hit different lol #anyway. what a great time to remind myself of every single bad thing anyone has ever said about my body and my face <3 #anyway i finished the sobbing till i cant breathe session and now my one eye hurts like there's sth stuck in it but there's nothing #but while i was digging in it trying to find sth under my eyelid that could explain the pain i really really looked at it #my friend once said my eyes are the colour of a swamp and by god she was right. #and like damn. i was never insecure about my eyes but maybe i should add that to the list. #but like whatever. like obv im not gonna start being actually insecure about mu stupid eyes but it did hit me that there is really #not a single thing about my body that i can with all confidence say is nice/pretty/whatever. not a single thing that i genuinely like. #like at best case it's 'not as bad as it could be'. like i have nothing lol. cant even honestly say something as silly as 'i like my eyes' #cause no. they look like a swamp. #idk im just so tired of trying my best all the time and still looking like a rotting leaking bag of garbage. #i try to remind myself that i dress funny and do fun make up and that is what people will notice about me but the truth is #everyone will still always see that under all that bs im just plain ugly and just generally unattractive #and ill never be able to distract anyone from that not really #like ik people who like me dont care about that but thats the thing. #im just tired of being one of the people that will always be liked/loved/whatever 'despite' sth. #like there is nothing of value in me that is NATURAL. its all fucking fake. #anyway. wish i were dead same old same old.

[kitten-with-socks]

things i dont understand about cats

1- why do their butts do that wiggly-thing before jumping to literally nowhere

2- how do they stab you when they just sit on you...like, bro? you arent even THAT heavy but it still feels like you just goy impaled by a sword

3- WHY DO THEY START TO SCREAM LIKE A DEMON WHO JUST GOT OUT OF THE DEPTHS OF HELL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT OUT OF THE BLUE

4- why is that little "mprrr?" sound so adorable

#dont even get me started when they bring a LIVING #BREATHING mouse into the house #my cat has seen me all day long sitting in the couch watching series and they still think im atlethic to chase it down? #and they look at your eyes like saying “its your problem now" #NO IT IS NOT #and after the mouse is gone #they STILL have the AUDACITY TO ASK FOR MORE FOOD #i still love my cat so much #i dont care if they kill a human right after that #i just cant get mad at them

[puzzlekinq]

cant sleep because im seething with anger

#been laying here for like 40 minutes fantasizing about finally snapping and telling my mom everything i really think and feel #if i ever came out to her she would end up cutting me off like she did to my aunts and uncles and cousins #basically im alone and my parents and siblings are the only family i can be in contact with right now and its isolating #off topic but yeah #i miss having a big family and people besides my parents that i could rely on. people i felt like i could actually breathe around #idk. whatever #why do i feel responsible for her actions all the time. its been my job to keep her stable and listen to her vent for years #but i never say anything about my own feelings. because she would make me feel stupid and ridicule me. lol #all she does is make me feel like shit most of the time. shes always in a bad mood and shes always whining and always pessimistic #and yeah i get along with her for the most part but lately her attitude has been weighing on me a lot. i cant criticize or disagree with her #because she'll just get mad. shes always been an angry person. thats why i hardly spoke to her from ages 10-15 #maybe i jsut wanted to give her another chance. maybe i felt sympathy for her. shes had it rough her whole life #but when shes still bitter no matter how many times i comfort her and let her vent and cry to me and when she chooses her husband over me #every single time he fucks up (which is like. constantly) and always takes his side when they inevitably make up after a huge fight #it feels like i'll never be able to make her happy. it feels like i should stop trying. if she wants to be full of hatred #and have a shitty husband then fine. i cant fix her like and i cant hold the weight of her mistakes #*life

[jvnejv]

you should put less energy into what you hate, and put more effort in things you love

#mental health #this is about sn*persc*ut again sorry #ITS JUST-- i need to reread my own post. ok ill just say it once and quickly as possible. #IMTIREDIMTIR3D THEY CANT LEAVE SCOUT N SNIPER ALONE AND NOW THEYRE SHIPPING ASS PANCAKES AND CHRISTIAN BRUTAL SNIPER FUCK OFF #takinf a deep breath. whoooooo #im right. im right. i should focus more on sniperSPY. its what i love AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #ive already censored the tags but people just apparently DONT. FUCKING. KNOW. HJOW. TO. TAG THEIR DOGSHIT SHIP ART POSTS #awwwwwwwwwwww what a great talent at art u have!!! a shame you like sn*persc*ut though. real waste of talent.

[craycraybluejay]

Randomly a post I made in October is blowing up-- hi random peoples who like my good awesome take.

Anyway. I woke up at 4 and i cant sleep and my tummy hurts and i would bet you five whole dollars (im stingy and poor, fuck off) that it was from a nightmare im lucky not to remember and if i fall asleep again i will. like ik i need sleep to function but this shit is stupid and i feel well rested enough to do the important stuff. maybe i should habitually start smoking a little weed before bed-- it (usually) prevents dreams or at least remembering them. excaberated psychotic symptoms vs. ptsd. yay exciting choices. yknow what would really fix it tho. personally destroying the monsters who did that shit -_-. then if i had any "nightmares" it'd be bloody revenge and well then those arent nightmares theyre affectionate mental retellings. happy little dreams. a gory menagerie of evil. yeah yeah violence isnt justice blah blah but if healing requires forgiveness like you say it does then i dont want to heal-- i want to get even. i dont forgive what happened. it was needlessly cruel, an unnecessary abuse of power, and so deeply fucked up that it feels like it came straight out of one of those horror movies people vomit at. i dont forgive the "people" that made it happen, and i don't forgive the people who allowed it to happen, either. i don't forgive you for not caring enough and i don't forgive me for not being wise enough and adult enough at the time to get out of it but most of all i do not forgive the ones who directly did that and the knowing bystanders. god, i hate the bystanders. closing their eyes, shrugging their shoulders, "there's nothing i can do." there always is. sure yeah you think im so cool you care about me so much where the FUCK were you????? why should i feel bad for having to make Me or You decisions to survive. you looked the other way when it was just my survival vs. your biases and simple life. why should i hesitate to be selfish for my life when you're selfish for much less. and why am *I* the villain for wanting to eat and have a roof over my head and be treated with dignity and not be sick anymore but you're not for having all that with ease and still wanting to take more and give nothing? what in the world is the point of your power and nice things if all you do is hoard it and ignore everyone? even people you supposedly "love." i still don't forgive you. you could have at least tried. why are you entitled to protection and safety but i'm not. why are you entitled to your human rights and i'm not. why is it that you're so okay with this ugly picture. and you know what? i'd still burn the village to get you out of the hell i was in when you wouldn't lift a finger for me. because love is stupid like that. real love. anything less is cute bullshit.

#delete later #yes i will eternally resent you for not saving me #i didnt expect it from Them #but i was stupid enough to really expect it from you. to really believe you would #because you love me-- right? #because you don't want preventable horrible things to happen to me-- right? #i don't know what to believe anymore #the memories are coming back and i don't remember a single living breathing person who lifted a finger to help me #i just remember pain. and fear. and hopelessness. horror. terror. all of it #i remember pain. and not just the mental. sickness. hunger. the advancement of my illness from what it was before to what it is now #my body remembers when i forget #the stomach issues used to be not as bad. i still struggled but i could eat and i had some skin on my bones #after. well #after what happened it got so much worse #my body stopped trying to fix itself at all. everything hurts #eating hurts. not eating hurts. when i get anxious i want to hurl my entire stomach lining #i cant fix my illness but revenge will be a dish that doesn't hurt at all #and wouldn't it be nice to have one meal-- one day-- where it didn't hurt at all #i miss before. i miss when i could be scared of horror #i miss what it felt like to eat. it felt so good i think. i can barely remember now #mostly i miss not having this ambient paranoia whenever i talk to anyone or go anywhere or even really touch the internet at all in any way #it will happen again #is what it tells me. they want it to. stay away from them. #dont look at them dont talk to them but most importantly dont be yourself #no-- not that version of yourself either. none of them #they don't care about you. they just want their easy ignorant life and will happily sell you out #i'm tired. #i could settle for a lonely little life but i cant even have that because thats also Bad and also something i apparently #Deserve to be hurt over. i Deserve it see so its fine to do that to a human being #as it turns out the only animal without a soul is human

[oldirontender]

I JUST FOUND ALL MY THOMAS DVDs FROM WHEN I WAS A KID????? I THOUGHT WE GOT RID OF THEM BUT I FOUND THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#THERES LIKE *pauses to count* #26 DVDS. #I WENT ON A SEARCH FOR THESE A COUPLE WEEKS AGO BUT COULDNT FIND ANY #AND I FOUND THEM ALL STORED BEHIND OUR POKEMON MOVIE COLLECTION #i need a dvd disk reader and i need one NOW. #I FOUND THE MAGIC RALROAD DVD THAT I CRIED OVER AS A KID #storytime: i spent literally 3 years of my childhood trying to find the magic railroad dvd #but i couldnt explain the movie to my grandma or mom so they had no way of knowing what i was talkign about #and i tried. SO HARD. to find this piece of shit and one day it just APPEARED. and i started SCREAMING #i was like WE NEED TO WATCH THIS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. WE ARE WATCHING THIS #I ALSO FOUND OUR SEASON 1 DVD?????? THATS NARRATED BY RINGO STARR? ??????? ??? #I DIDNT KNOW WE HAD THAT!!!!!!!!!!!! #AAAHHHH IM FUCKIGNDFJKBGHJDKBFHDKJSHBGFDJNSBF *rolls around on the floor* #rambling #i need to take pictures of my findings im so fucking happy i cant breathe