#i just cucked my adhd

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for skipping out on shifts at my part-time job to finish university assignments?

I (27nb) work 20hrs a week as a customer service assistant at a supermarket to keep me afloat while I do my master's degree. Honestly, juggling both of them is fucking exhausting. I make it work most of the time, but I also have ADHD which puts me in the position of doing a LOT of last-minute work and all-nighters to keep up with deadlines, despite my best intentions and efforts.

A couple times now, I've found myself in a position where I have to make a choice: go to work that day, or stay home to finish an essay due tomorrow morning so I can submit it right down to the wire. As much as I REEEEALLY need this job to paying the bills and, you know, eat, it's ultimately just an interim thing for me - I mean, I do not want to get trapped in retail for the rest of my fucking life. That's why I'm doing this degree in the first place!! The degree and my future aspirations takes priority for me, so I fake sick and call out of work.

Now, I don't call out of work last minute for no reason — I don't do it just because I don't feel like it, or because I want to go out instead. (Not that I think that automatically makes me at all "better" than people who do — we're all wage cucks at the end of the day, abolish capitalism, etc etc — just to give the context that I'm not leaving my coworkers to pick up the slack for reasons that aren't related to either uni deadlines or genuine illness.) I'm no slouch when I'm at work either. I have no loyalty to the supermarket itself — I'm not gonna break my fucking back for a company that barely knows I exist — but I'll pull my weight so that my coworkers and I can all leave on time at the end of the night. All that to say, my coworkers and shift managers know I put the work in when needed.

I also DO like most of my coworkers. I don't love the work but my manager is decent enough, and I get along well with the team there. I honestly don't want anyone there to struggle or overwork themselves because of understaffing — which is getting to be more and more of an issue lately as we're literally hemorrhaging staff.

All that said — I don't regret putting my degree first, but I DO feel kind of guilty about pulling out from shifts last minute when I know we already don't have enough hands. Especially this most recent time, where I called in "sick" and discovered that I was the THIRD employee to call in sick that morning (😬😬😬). And my shift manager sounded REALLY fucking stressed about it. Oof.

So AITA for faking sick and leaving my coworkers short-staffed because of my own struggles to meet university deadlines?

(🐌 so I can find this later)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 18

Hi friends!! I have 19 absolutely fantastic fics for you this week.

There are so fucking many incredible fics coming out every day in this fandom and I cannot possibly keep up with them all. I am in constant awe of the Pedro fandom and the gorgeous work that comes out of it at a frankly alarming rate.

If you if you're tagging me in stuff and I'm not interacting with it, just know it's on my list and I'll get there eventually <3

As always you can peruse my Spreadsheet here and you can find all my previous fic rec lists here.

Recs below the absolutely stunning photo of our collective husband

a lover's pinch - a joel series by @hier--soir

I love a fuck first, feelings later situation. I love it even more when you have a super fucking hot bathroom fuck with an older man and he ends up being your PROFESSOR!!! God this was fantastic. I really love the way they can't stay away from each other. That one thing that happens in part two, you know the one, had me barking like a rabid dog. This is hot. And it's beautifully written. I'm excited for the feelings to come in.

Mr. Miller - a joel series by @tremendum

I read the first installment of this fic a while ago, I'm assuming before I made the spreadsheet because it wasn't on here. Picked it back up this week and oh my god. Joel is mean, emotionally constipated, a little stupid. Reader is also mean, emotionally constipated, and a little stupid. The way these two crash into each other, a little violent, a lot desperate... it's gorgeous and devastating. I could read about these two forever

Revenge - a Dave York one shot by @toomanystoriessolittletime

Forced cucking is hot idgaf. In this one, your husband is a blatant and unrepentant cheater and his boss helps you get back at him. Dave is sexy and menacing in this. There's subtle hints to his darker side, but it's never directed at you. He takes care of you in a way your husband never has and makes your husband watch the whole thing -- without anything more than his words btw. Husband isn't tied down, he's just terrified.

I know it when I see it - a Joel series by @bageldaddy

Pornstar!joel, pornstar!reader, set in the 70s (? nixon?) the fucking golden age of porn. This isn't your usual "aspiring porn actress fucks big bad joel miller and gets hooked" fic, even though it is that kind of fic. It's a really fresh take, with some really fucking good emotional dynamics and shit going on. The smut is filthy, dirty, gorgeous, delicious, perfect -- but the emotional grit in there with it? The struggles that both reader and Joel are experiencing and the way they're navigating (or failing to navigate) them? Stunning. I'm so invested in this series

Yes, Chef - a Joel series by @sempersirens

Mean.... secretly soft.... Joel. I love this! It's a Chef!Joel AU and the reader is a chef in his kitchen. They start secretly hooking up. I love the way this is written so much??? The angst is so good also. I cannot wait to read more of this.

The Layover - a Frankie series by @goodwithcheese

This fic, man. God damn. Reader kept pissing me off (this is a compliment, btw, i love it when reader makes me feel things) because of all her hang ups with Frankie. Frankie is so perfect. He's soft, caring, sweet. He's worked on his trauma and come such a long way and he's such a good dad. Reader is a wonderful mom and I see where she's coming from with all of her decisions even if they make me SCREAM. And the reason it makes me scream when she pushes Frankie away is because when they meet in the middle? When they get all tangled up in each other after days or weeks of staying away? It's stunning, mind blowing, earth shattering. I don't know how anyone could resist

The House - a Jack series by @gemmahale

Okay I kinda fucked up and only read the first chapter of this series because I have ADHD and I had to go do something and then I never went back. BUT seeing it on my list just reminded me how fucking excited I am to read this. The first chapter sets up such a good story. I love the suspense... Why does statesman give a fuck about her dad's land? How does she know Jack? How well does she know Jack? AHHHH what is going ON???? I'm immediately reading more of this after posting the digest bc oh my god???

Common Grounds - a Marcus Pike series by @whataperfectwasteoftime

I am, as usual, absolutely in love with the way Penny writes Marcus. I love love love reader's backstory and that she's an artist. I loved her kind of pining for him while he waited for Teresa and I adored everything after she dumps him. I just... AH. And like... in this one... he has this darker undertone? Some of that inner turmoil jumping out maybe idk, but it made the smut gorgeous. I was in awe, for real. He's so gentle and sweet with reader in the coffee shop and on their dates and stuff and then he just kind of snaps, but even then there's like a feeling that he's restraining himself? It's unbelievably hot. No one does Dom Marcus quite like Penny... got me fuckin droolin got DAMN

Friendly Competition - a TF boys (no Tom, and mostly Frankie) one shot by @absurdthirst

This was so hot. Literally reader just gets blindfolded and dicked down by all the boys and Frankie is a sex god. Perfect. And there's some really cute feelings in there too. There's more installments to this as well and they are just as fucking lovely. I loved the plot twist in the second one -- was not expecting that. God absurdthirst really is out here writing down all my fantasies....

Go ahead and cry little girl - aJack one shot by @xdaddysprincessxx

Okay obviously I love this because Reader is called Agent Gin... but also reader does a little sex work on the side and she accidentally sends a lil somethin somethin to Jack and he goes all Daddy on her and it is SO FuCKING HoT OH MY GOd

Eat - a Joel one shot by @notjustjavierpena

Men suck, usually, and won't put in the effort to make you cum with their mouth. And this is why reader doesn't really ever ask for it or even want it.. it's a waste of time. Oh but our lovely dbf!Joel proves her so very wrong in this fic. Joel is so soft and sweet and sexy in this UGH

The right wrong number - a Joel one shot by @proxima-writes

I read more than one wrong number fic this week lol. Anyway this was SO hot. Joel is a dirty talking god in this. and then the like slow build up with the soccer coach? The way they are so totally dancing around flirting with each other and Sarah is egging it on and then by pure chance they find out.... HE was the dirty talking dom with the gorgeous cock? Excellent. This is so good UGH. I want a part two in that sex club.

Gotta Start With a Good Foundation - a Joel one shot by @bonezone44

This is a part of a series called Sacred Spaces where Reader and Joel talk to each other, no actual smut, and.... just give it a read. I love these so much. This one is kind of a dom/sub relationship negotiation thing and it's gorgeous

In Every Lifetime - an Ezra series by @xdaddysprincessxx

Witch!Reader and Demon!Ezra!!!! I love this. I love the setting. The mysterious spell book. The ritual. I'm so excited to see where this goes. Demon Ezra is sexy omg

Late Night Texts - a Javi P series by @undercoverpena

SOFT JAVI ALERT!!!! Set after the events of season 3, Javi is back in Laredo and he's lonely. Then he gets a text from a wrong number and subsequently racks up the biggest phone bill the year 2000 has ever seen. This fic is soft and sweet and flirty and adorable with a touch of angst (long distance things). The smut is sequestered in bonus scenes if you want to skip it, but it's so worth reading. It's so good. I love this fic AHHHH

Bad Idea, Right - a Dieter one shot by @proxima-writes

Yes, hooking up with your ex is usually a bad idea. Especially when it's Dieter Bravo. But I sure as shit wouldn't say no. Guys.... Proxima made the motherfucker CRAWL. If my ex dieter is crawling across the floor to eat me out... who am i to say no. Seems like a great idea actually. Also they're both still clearly down bad for each other and we love that.

Hard Work Gets Rewarded - a Joel and his crew one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

This is like... if you looked at my search history -- if I had one ;) -- you would find this. Straight out of my depraved fantasies you've got contractor!Joel and his very sexy crew giving you the fuck of a lifetime. We got a little breeding kink, a little DVP, a little cum on every part of your body, situation. This is... so hot.

like rabbits blinded by the light - a Joel one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Yeah so I read a depraved smut fantasy and then jumped on over to this. This is stunning, emotional. it has depth. I love the way Joel finds her and I love the way they stick together and I love the ending. This is sad and sweet, a little painful, very human. I loved it

the world tipped on its side - a Frankie series by @idolatrybarbie

Chronic pain havers -- you will love this one!! Reader has chronic pain from an injury. I'm two chapters in and I'm hooked. There's a lot of trauma and fucked up shit swirling around in both reader and Frankie's heads and it's just under the surface as of chapter two. I love the set up here -- stunt coordinator!reader and stunt pilot!Frankie -- it's really interesting and not something I've read before. (i think i did read a stunt pilot!Frankie / actor!reader / actor!Dieter thing once though lemme know if y'all want that link). Bea writes beautifully and I'm so excited for more of this series.

---------------------- oldies but goodies -------------------------

Wanna bet?, Lingerie, Morning, Afternoon, and Evening - Dieter one shots by @write-and-buried

I'm being so for real right now Every Single Fic by @prolix-yuy - I have almost her entire masterlist on my spreadsheet and this seemed easier than linking them all.

And the same for like everything by @ezrasbirdie, I have so many of their fics on my list.

---------------- my fics --------------------

My most recent fic is This Night Has Opened My Eyes - a Javi P one shot.

--- I have written for Joel, Frankie, Ezra, Javi P, Mr. Ben, Veracruz, Max Phillips, and my darling boy Dieter, you can find those here

-----------------------------------------------

Happy Reading!

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction

[meltedbuttersblog]

goofy nicknames for twst cast :D

i originally sent these to @duskymrel but she said i should post these so here we are

heartslabyul

riddle: riddler, mr. president

trey: reddit nice guy (me), bread boy, oyster sauce fiend, peeta

cater: caycay the craycray, mr. chronically online, vil's aborted son /j

ace: little shit, asshat, acehole

deuce: big shit, double trouble, double bubble toil and trouble, bonk, cauldron

savanaclaw

leona: lil kitty meow meow, princess, regina george, apex predator (mean girls reference, meant to go with the regina nickname), munchies (ruggie, see his "grammy doesn't need fancy" vignette), sir snores-a-lot

ruggie: buggie wuggie ruggie, snuggie as buggie in a ruggie, reggie

jack: big buff cheeto puff, furry, handcrusher (back to my anime origins 😨😔), beast mode

octavinelle

azul: daddy (rook), monopoly man, stonks

jade: shroomie, mr. premeditated murder

floyd: chiropractor, mr. non-premeditated murder, psychopathic adhd

scarabia

kalim: big dick baby, death's best friend

jamil: x-games mode, sheryll's mexican neighbor (he seasons his chicken) (maybe just a little too much...)

pomefiore

vil: regina, heather, germy wormy ( /affectionate, cuz he's german)

rook: titty croissants, theatre kid (derogatory), theatre kid /pos, fox

epel: peepaw, meemaw, chicken fried by the zac brown band, good lookin' by dixon dallas (I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING WHEN I THINK ABOUT THIS SONG) (it's a very homosexual country song and it makes me crack up) (it used the word bussy)

ignihyde

idia: beta cuck, stinky boy (me: /j, /affectionate) (others: /srs, /derogatory)

(not including ortho cuz idk what to do for him 💀)

diasomnia

malleus: malicious malleus, gargling gargoyles (that would be a great catchphrase for him ngl), daddy (lilia but we don't talk about those many one or two times EVER.)

lilia: peepaw, serg (called serg once cuz he very sternly gave an order to player or smth and was like "if you're going to give me a military title, it best be general."), daddy (mal, but this time we do talk about it)

sebek: croc shoe, speaker, iida kinnie (player) (sebs has no idea what they're talking about 💀), sergeant

silver: sleepy, lil guy, kiddo (lilia), narcoleptic (me)

#twisted wonderland #twst shitpost #twst heartslabyul #twst savanaclaw #twst octavinelle #twst scarabia #twst pomefiore #twst ignihyde #twst diasomnia #i gave them funny nicknames cuz i came up with ruggie buggie wuggie while conversing with duskyms over this #i don't normally post ever so YAY first fandom related thing :D

[orenjikaraka]

Nucifera - ch. 3

Billy Hargrove x reader series

Peeps tags: @strawhatgamergirl @puppybittingotherpuppy

Author’s note: sorry for the long wait but wooo, also I made Jordan Mix, he still looks white but ya know a little slight tan, because he’s white and black, but also I usually have burn out because I have adhd, but here we are, but I hope everyone likes it, oh also I put emoji’s, even though it’s the 80’s.

Chapters: ch.1, ch.2, ch.4

Warnings: blood, a gun :D, cursing, slurs, anxiety and gore

Word count: 6251

Billy’s POV

2 weeks has passed, hospital appointments by hospital appointments, some physical therapy appointments to some police reports from the mall incident, it was roughly disappointing because his doctor told him he has to be in protective custody, which his first internal thought was ‘what a load of fucking bullshit’; feeling internally trap in one setting, feels isolating and rubbish. (Y/n) tried to help by talking to his doctor that it was her fault, it was her idea. But Billy cut it off by saying it’s ok, it’s no biggie, even though his brain was running on screws and wiring that is just going to all fall apart; at the beginning his doctor advised him to exercise, which hurts like he was being stabbed repeatedly, not until (Y/n) gave him some lessons for some easier solutions, a month later got half his weight back, it made him kinda more comfortable to look at himself in the mirror, except that massive hellish scar brings shivers down his spine; doing regular exercises was much easier to operate, even got (Y/n) to sit on his back for when he’s doing push ups; brought some of his confidence back up, but that fucking mind flayer keeps crawling back up in his mind…

Thoughts- no scratch that; nightmares through nightmares sworm through his skull, death; friends dying, you… Billy clenched his eyes shut, frustrated, he’s frustrated that he has these stupid thoughts, ‘stupid nightmares… stupid fuckin thoughts…’

He sighed and looked back at his notebook, it was pages and pages of stupid updates and shity doodles of frustration from past appointments for his physical therapy or just daily check ups, lot of it was lazy scribbles of updates but at least they were readable… just makes it more depressing that he has to write a reminder that he went through so much shit in little time, ‘fuckin doctors…’, he slowly breathed out and layed down on (Y/n)’s soft bed, felt quiet when no one was around, it makes his head hurt thinking about everyone, how Steve fuckin Harrington actually saved his sorry ass, why… why though; I bullied him, mock him till he felt threatened; heh- to rightfully feel like a king on top of his thorn; what did It got me, you lying to me, telling me that my sister wasn’t there, got a decent set of punches at me, and not even giving a hell to check I was ‘really’ ok… heh- I was just following a cuck of a father’s rules and I was a bit worried where she was at, but I know she can handle herself. Billy growled in frustration and threw the notebook across the room. And put his hands on his closed eyes and breathed out…

(Y/n) and Max… (Y/n) and Max… (Y/n) and Maxine…

I don’t even know why you both don’t hate me, everyone just left me in the dark, even my own mother… but nope, (Y/n) was worried sick of me and still cares about me, well I never heard you doubt me before… always there for me when I had my bruises from my father, always…

Always… so perfect…

I hate you- well not hate hate you; but I envy how nice you can be to people and especially me, the only “care” I got in high school was bruises and cigarettes… no one wanted to help my pain. My step sister was afraid to help me and her own mother didn’t even bother, I had no one, absolutely no one…

Until you show up again… more beautiful than before… and have that worried look like you used to have. You got Max to actually talk to me, which— fuck— Darn you for being a god damn angel. Maxine actually vents, talks, and jokes around me because of you; but you also just helped me get my confidence up to talk to my little sister…

He slowly put his hands on his chest and opened his eyes. His thoughts cooled down and he slowly got up and saw where the notebook was at. It was close to the bathroom door. Billy sighed and walked up to it and picked it up. As ragged as it is, he still has to deal with it.

Door creaked

“Hey whatcha doing staring daggers on that notebook again?”

Billy got a little started but then looked back at you.

“Oh just putting my frustrations on stupid things again.”

“So your notebook.”

“Yuppp… but at least it’s that piece of shit then something important…”

“Uh-huh… welp I got you something…”

She walked in with a huge bag behind her back.

“Nice hiding spot. Prez~”

“Oh shut up~ so your birthday has passed not so long ago and I wanted to give you these…”

She brought the bag up front. And opened it a little so he could see what’s inside. It was the dark red jacket and the two shirts, with some protein bars. Billy was confused at first but then realized those clothes really were his, ‘I mean it was pretty obvious…’

“Happy late birthday!”

Billy looked back up at her with a sad smile.

“No one ever actually celebrated my birthday; that’s why I always skipped it.”

She gave a small punch on his shoulder, “well that’s just shity. I'm just better than them!”

Billy gave a small chuckle.

“What do you want to do for your 19th birthday?”

“Just chill here; or work out today.”

“Well that's fine with me, I need to do some chores anyway. Also I'm glad you like the gifted!”

Before she walked off to her chores, she gave a small smile back and walked out of her room. Billy looked back down at the gifts and looked at a pacific one, the jacket, he liked it a lot, so much he hoped that (Y/n) wont think of him as a weirdo for wearing one jacket the whole day or even longer…

‘She’s just so damn cute…’

——- time skip (another mouth has passed) ——-

It was april and it was slightly warm outside, Billy was back at his original weight, which is quite outstanding; i mean all those bulking and working out was all not for nothing, Billy is proud he got all his weight back: the only thing is that he getting more stares then before, people are familiar with his old self, before Billy would hide away and he felt squeamish, but now he gives the death glares back if they looked, they're the ones that get frighten, which is amazing to have that self control back, the only difference is that he has lollipops instead of cigarettes, some girls think its cute, seeing a tough guy have a small soft side, but to billy he felt irritated, so when he goes alone sometimes, he tries to find other ways to deal with his anxiety, like tapping his fingers or shaking his leg or just tapping his foot, it usually doesn't last long, because his stomach twists and turns, anxiety is a bitch, and stupid thoughts of stupid shit will just pop up which made his anxiety worst…

“Grrrmmmm *sigh*” Billy picks another lollipop from his pocket and spits out the lollipop stick from his mouth and it lands in the trash can, and puts his 2nd one in his mouth, ‘mmm blueberry…’ He brought the hose up to his car again, his car hasn't really gone out as much because before his dumb organs would hurt like a bitch in his camaro, but now his body feels completely normal.

Well…

Billy lowered his head, and looked at his chest of his shirt.

“*sigh*”

SMACK

Billy looked up and saw Max on the other side of the car. “Max! What the hell!”

“Hey! I was just helping.”

“So throwing a soaked sponge was your plan.”

“Hey! Its not my fault that you still have anxiety over your scar.”

Billy just growled and put the hose back on his car, Max looked disappointed but sad in the same time, so she walked and grabbed the sponge off the ground, then looked back at Billy.

“Hmm” Billy looked back at Max.

“You know you can talk about some things that’s bothering you, ya know.”

“…”

“I know your going back to your normal self; but don’t hold it in, it just makes your anxiety worse…”

Billy clenched his lollipop stick again, “then what are your thoughts on this disturbing scar…”

Max just gave the most dumbest ‘are you serious’ face of all time and said “I think it looks cool and it makes you more of a badass because you saved a whole lot of people.”

“How-“

“WHAT YOU MEAN HOW! *sigh* Billy if I found it disturbing I wouldn’t be talking to you right now wouldn’t I.”

Billy unclenched his pop and brought the hose to Max.

“HEY!!!”

She threw the sponge at Billy and it hit his chest; Billy just started laughing but not until Max grabbed the hose and faced it at him.

*cough* “DANG IT MAX!” He coughed a little more and started laughing again. “Ok! OK! YOU-“ he picked up Max and put her by his right shoulder. “LET GO! YOU DORK!”

“OH I’M A DORK, last time I checked I was supposed to be the jock in high school!” “WELL YOUR A ADULT SO YOUR NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE! LET GO!”

“Hmmm, I can do this for hours or even days-“ “NO!” Billy just started to laugh again, “fine fine…” Billy put her down and she gave little punches on Billy’s right arm. “You! You! Idiot! You!” “So that’s a ‘I want to be picked up again’” “no!” And she ran on the other side of the car, Billy started laughing again a little and picked up the hose from the ground to finish up the rest of his car.

—-

After the car finished, they both took a break, they both sat on the end of the car. “You know… you're right.” Max looked back at Billy.

“Well- I’m sorry that I was a huge asshole before, I just thought… if I was like that; someone will bark back, bring hate back. In a fucked up way I thought that was comfort; I thought if I was like that, my mother would come schooling me back to how I used to be; but… she never came back…”

“I’m sorry-“

“No, don’t be, it’s ok really; life is not as shity as I thought it would be, ye there’s these stupid assholes that might come back, but… at least I have two people that are… actually there for me; which I thought I was going to be alone- but you know… I was wrong.”

Max gave a soft smile and gave Billy a soft punch on his left arm. “Well… I’m glad that you're alright… but! Rest time is over. You have work- well your first day!”

“*sigh* thanks max for reminding me…”

“Hey! At least it’s the same job.”

“True but-“

“If you're talking about your scar, then just wear dark colors. Or a really thick cotton white shirt.”

Billy just nods and went to change to a black shirt and the rest of his lifeguard belongings.

—- time skip —-

Tap tap tap

From the tapping from his finger to the shaking of his left leg, the anxiety is already erupting and it’s making his chest tight. His knuckles on the stringing wheel turn white. His muscles were tensing up. Billy clenches his teeth on the lollipop stick. The candy in his mouth was cracking, each time he clenched, it crack, crack, crack, felt like two stones clenching together to try to turn into one, but can’t. Because they’re two separate entities, two separate objects but the same counterpart, that can’t be fused together no matter how hard you try…

Crack

That sweet ball of candy broke; pieces that felt like chunks of unsharp glass were spewing through his mouth. Billy growled in frustration, ‘damn this fucking anxiety, it’s eating me apart…’ he reached his hand out to grab another lollipop from the armrest compartment and found none…

‘Fuck- I thought I brought more.’ His hand was searching more around until he found a box of cigarettes, it had two cigarettes left. Billy brought it up and till he stopped at the next red light, he looked at the ciggs, he was tempting but (Y/n) yelling at him tells him otherwise, so he threw them in the back with no hesitation. And continuing to chew his lollipop stick.

‘Can this day get anymore fucked then it is…’

— time skip (noon) —

Billy closed the car door and made sure his shirt was covering his scar. His shirt was clinging to his body, his muscles we’re tensing up, all that stress is making his body hurt already.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck everything…’

—- flashback - --

“Are you sure, you’ll be ok going out by yourself?”

Billy look at (Y/n) with a smirk.

“Prez, I got this~”

“Mmmhmmm” she looks unsurprised

—- flashback end —

‘Sometimes I need to be smacked in the head…’

Billy walked over to the building and clocked in. Before he was about to walk out to the locker room.

“Hey! You're the new guy right?”

Billy stiffed up then looked back. The woman gasps, “your that one guy saved all those kids from that mall that catches on fire or one of them!”

“I-“ Billy couldn’t think what to say, “so what…”

“So… nevermine, it’s a tough topic is it…”

Billy just looks at her with a ‘oh really, no shit’ face.

“Hehe, well it’s only me and you today! Everyone else called off because it’s April, and somehow it’s hot for this week… also aren’t you going to be sweating in that black shirt, we have some white ones in the back”

“Tch… I’ll be fine…”, Billy walked out, he can hear the girl in the back, yapping that he’s going to have a heatstroke, ‘whatever…’ right when he was at the door for the locker rooms, he felt hesitated, ‘max… and…’ billy sighed and decided to not put his stuff in a locker… and just brought it with him. When he stept out to the pool, not many people were around. Just three chicks in far corner of the pool and a couple kids they were probably watching; wait there old fucking woman looking at her phone; *sigh*.

Billy can feel the stares from the group of women, it made his stomach heaved. He checked his shirt again if any or just smig of his scar was showing, it wasn’t; which brought his mind at ease, he went to the left and walked to the nearest lifeguard and strapped his backpack to the left handle, before he got to the seat side, that other lifeguard from earlier came over.

“You know we have lockers.”

“Oh I know, but did I fucking ask for a reminder.”

“You know, I’m your couch today.”

“And. I’ve worked at a pool before, I don’t need to be told twice. Or as many times, you want, princess.”

The lifeguard looked in rage, but walked off to the other lifeguard station.

Billy couldn’t care less, he just wanted to get paid and leave. Weekly pay is not all bad. Anything that helps you or your family with bills, ‘don’t want to feel like a fucking burden.’ Billy relaxed in his seat but still feel his anxiety in his pores, it’s making his sides hurt, which fuckin sucks not having a lollipop in a while, he tried to message his sides to keep him at bay with his anxiety, but it just made things worse, he squeezed his eyes shut to see if that helped with his stress, but it just made him nauseous. Sweat that was lightly from the sun was getting worse by the second. He tried to focus on anything to make this stupid anxiety cool down, but that just made it worse.

‘Why did I say I was ready…’

—- time skip —-

(Y/n) Pov

‘How the fuck, do you forget your anxiety pops’

(Y/n) just snickers

“Anxiety pops”

She parked her car and checked her phone again to check where to drop these ‘anxiety pops’ at.

Billy’s text message said, “just dropped them off at the office. 🖤”

“Oh, William, you dork using a heart emoji.”

She grabbed the small bag of lollipops, and stepped out of her car, in the little plastic bag, there was only 15 lollipops, while she was walking over, she looked around and saw not much cars today, the pool parking seemed kinda empty, ‘figured it would be a slow day, it is kinda summer break in some schools, so families would go somewhere more entertaining than just some basic bitch pool…’

While she was walking over there, she was checking her phone again just to make sure where to put the bag of lollipops at. When she made it, she saw Billy to her left, she felt bad how stressed he looks, before she could walk in the office, someone firmly grabbed her arm, she looked to her right and saw zacharius, “fuck off dude, don’t you have anything else to do…”

“Ohhhh~, little rabbit wants to go on her merry way~; too bad because I have something to tell ya.”

“So harassing me and being a fucktard is your way of flirting.”

“You're spicy~ for a little rabbit but I need to tell ya something about Billy.”

“Now why would I want to hear that?”

“Well~ I’m not gonna lie to you. But why do a misfit like you want to hangout with an unmanageable asshole like that.” He shook his head up a little, to make it like he’s pointing forward, towards Billy’s direction. This time Billy got down from his lifeguard chair and was talking to the three chicks that were vibing in the pool earlier.

“See… boys never change, they’ll just keep following what there sluggish hearts can take and never look back.”

She looked back, “same goes to you, if you say that.”

“You’re such a biter~, that’s what I like about you~, but princess~, he would only throw you away like the other bitches, he wore out or just couldn’t care less what they think. You're walking on violence. Someone that threatened his sister; had bloody fights for weak individuals that can’t even sock a punch on solid concrete…”

“That’s-“

“That’s what sweetheart~ those chicks will get there brains fucked out; putting all that worked up anxiety to use… with those pretty little fuck toys in use and come home all relaxed so he can go on his next victim…”

(Y/n) looked troubled, which amused him even more.

“Sorry for telling the truth baby girl… but I’m only protecting you in my only fucked up way~”

“So that time at the mall…”

“Oh princess I wasn’t going to hurt you~ I was just faking a threat to keep you as far away from a monster like him…”

She looked back at Billy; he was still flirting and talking to the girls.

She turned back and snatched her hand back; she walked in the office and dropped the bag on the counter and stepped out.

Looked back one last time…

Then left…

——

Billy’s POV

Billy saw a glimpse of (Y/n), but she already got in her car and left…

“Heyyy… hot shot~”

Billy looked back, and gave the three girls a glare, “you know, it shows me how dumb, all of you are, to get easily flirted… you chicks vaginas must be warned out, just how many times u spat.”

One of the girls had a drink of water in a red plastic cup, she swung her hand out in a fast motion and the water hit Billy’s face. Billy was unfazed and had a smug look on his face. The girls looked disappointed and annoyed, so they walked off. Billy couldn’t care less. He looked at miss lifeguard. “Ima take a break!” While he was walking over he got his phone out and texted (Y/n) back.

“Thanks for the pops Prez~ maybe we can watch a movie 🍿 after I clocked out from work. Maybe horror. 🧡🔪🖤”

A couple seconds passed and he saw no ‘seen’ on the bottom. ‘Maybe she’s still driving or doing errands, she usually answers instantly…’ he closed his flip phone; put his phone in his pocket and walked in the office, and grabbed his pops.

—- time skip (night) —

After he got the pops hours ago, he felt much calmer than before, it even made him throw his stuff in his locker and took a quick shower. ‘Who would knew…’, his shift was almost done with just 2 hours left, it was quiet at the pool, the pool closed at 6:30pm, and the other lifeguard lefted at 5:00pm because she told him, at unexpected family problems happened, Billy understood and apologized about before because he was stressed out from not having his “anxiety pills”, she also apologized if she caused anymore stress then he was already feeling before, he told her she was fine, so she rushed to clocked out and ran out. The pool was easy to clean because it was a slow day. So he’ll do the pool last.

Now back to the present; 10:00 pm, Billy was just at the just of it with cleaning the pool. So he sat the end of the pool and got his flip phone out to check his messages again, he checked if he had any new ones from people he knew, some were appointments and some were max texting him little muscle emojis and telling him you got this, then he checked if you seen his message yet, and you haven’t… which got Billy’s heart clenched, ‘is she’s alright…’, he wanted to text you to see if your alright, but he felt nervous, ‘she’s probably been busy all day…’

So he texted Max and asked if they were both alright, Max responded fast and said, “we’re alright, we’re chilling, Hru.”

He texted back; “I’m doing alright, just chilling at the pool waiting to clock out.”

She text back with a little happy face :D, and ended the conversation.

Billy closed his flip phone and put it in his pocket, he lowered his head towards the pool a little and saw his legs in the pool, the pool had a soft light blue glow, it made the large pool water looked like melted crystals, shiny calming glow, it made him wonder if he should go on vacation too. Feeling tired all the time, from so much stress in one setting, makes you want to scream all the stress out. He moved his legs slowly in the water, making him dazed out from the movement of the water…

“I wonder if (Y/n) and Max would want to go on vacation…” he said silently, a meer whisper.

“Sounds fun… Bill…”

Before Billy could turn around, he got shoved in the water.

The water felt cold and refreshing, but his veins felt burning and boiling from someone above, who pushed him in the pool, the silhouette looked familiar, didn’t had the same clothes from last time, but the face was all to familiar, black roughed up hair, tired eyes, that had no rest for weeks, always had that look where he can get any girl with just a smile, but in reality he would just get his dick sniped and bruises like scarlet and violet roses… the devil himself, zacharius.

‘Nope that’s it ima kill him, I swear.’

Billy swimmed to the top and saw zacharius stupid smug face…

“You're a real bitch, ya know that.”

Zacharius stupid smug turned to frustration.

“Shut up, faggot.”

“Would a faggot, fuck you’re ex’s tight pussy, making her pant and moan; her yelling my name instead of yours.”

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” Zacharius pick a 9mm out of his pocket, Billy gave him a straight face, he was unfazed, which made Zacharius felt uneasy, but he continued, “I always hated you, when I was with my group of friends, we were having the time of are lives, going on pool parties, getting drunk on late nights, breaking rules so are parents would get pissed off, but most of all my. Girl. You. Took. From. Me…”

Billy kept being silent and listened…

“A blonde cali boy came to school one day, looking like he own the whole damn school, he walked over and started talking to Carol Perkins, Tommy, and the rest of my group of friends, but-“

“But he took your girl…”

“You… she… just stopped, she hugged me less, stopped looking at me, she told me that we weren't a thing anymore. Days passed and each following day, I saw her looking at the same blonde…”

“I fucking hated you from that day, she stopped being around me, she wouldn’t even give me eye contact, it looked like she forgot about me…”

“Well… you know what she told me that day, she told me that you treated her like shit, she said you slammed her tight clit like a pussy, she… *sarcastic snicker* she told me that you fuck like a girl losing her virginity for the first time.”

Zacharius right hand started to cliver, the 9mm slightly shaking left to right in his hand. You can see the anger in his veins, Billy noticed his finger shaking on the trigger. So he moved underwater in seconds-.

Shot

Billy got hit close to his left side of his intestines, it made a hole through his skin, but it still hurts like a bitch, crimson blood slowly spewing in the water, with Billy’s right hand, he put pressure on it. “Mmmmhhggg”, from above he can hear Zach yell “get the fuck up and face me.” Or just plain cursing, Billy just did the opposite and swimmed further in the deep end, so it make his figure hard to shoot.

Shoot

Shoot

Shoot

The bullets were close to Billy, but they all missed, suddenly the bullets stopped coming and another figure came, yelling “what the fuck your doing!” It was mumbled but what came from Zach was “Jordan get the fuck out of here!” It was like hearing two kids yelling who gets to be first in the front car seat.

Billy’s right lung was starting to burn, so he swam up, when he got up the service, he pant quietly because Jordan was distracting zacharius, so Billy swimmed slowly to the edge and put his hands on it, he slowly pushed himself up, even though it was a slightly a struggle to get up, his side making him nauseous, his black shirt getting soaked even more from his blood, when Billy got out, his panting was getting heavier, which made zacharius heard him, right before zacharius turned around Jordan grab his hand with his both hands and brought the gun up. “Jordan fuck off!” Even though Jordan was slightly shorter, he still put up a fight, “Zach! You're insane! It’s old fucking news dude just fuckin move on!”

When Billy got the hang of his breathing again, he pushed himself up, rushed up Zach to put a stop to this stupidity, but Jordan couldn’t hold on for long, and Zacharius pushed Jordan back, then pointed the gun back at Billy, Billy stepped back a little.

Jordan spoke up, “Zach come on man, there’s no point in doing this shit anyway.”

“Shut up!”

Billy spoke up, “Zach if it makes you feel any better, that bitch of girlfriend, you had was a stank; we only had a one time stand, and then she looked for some other dude to fuck…”

“That’s not-“

Jordan spoke, “Zach! Its fuckin true and you know it. The whole school knew, come on dude-“

Zacharius looked back at Jordan, in a fast movement, zacharius faced his gun at Jordan, Billy tried to move-

Shot

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!”

The bullet went through his left leg, it pierced through the thin skin, through the cartilage, smoothly going through the bone and out from the other side, hitting the concrete with a metallic sharp thud.

Zacharius stopped; froze up and looked at his friend, his body started to quiver, “Jordan- I- I—“

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!”

Billy just stood in silence, clenching his side, with his right hand, while his left hand clenched in a fist, Billy didn’t know Jordan that long, but seeing someone that you knew from school, just walking just fine moments ago, now on the floor clenching his lower part of your left leg blood on his hands, crimson liquid stained his black jeans making it darker then it already was. Zach dropped his gun and kept stuttering, but Jordan kept screaming and yelling that he bloody attacked him.

Yelling to screaming.

Yelling t screaming

Ye l in to scre m in

Yell scre-

Billy's brain felt like it was about to burst, from just hearing two men screaming, crying, and apologizing. It was becoming more moshed than normal speech…

“Zacharius get the fuck out of here…”

Zach looked back at Billy.

“But-“

“FUCK OFF WILL YOU, YOU TRIED TO KILL ME BECAUSE SOME WHORE THAT DIDNT WANT YOU.” Billy slowly walked up to Zach, he grabbed his collar with his free hand, and spoke “YOU TAKE YOUR GROUP OF FRIENDS IN STUPID AND DANGEROUS SITUATIONS; YOU TRIED TO HURT AND THREATED MY GIRL AND NOW- NOW YOU SHOT YOUR FUCKING FRIEND!!!”

“I—“

“FUCK OFF! WILL YOU!”

Billy shoved him away.

“FUCK OFF AND NEVER COME NEAR HERE EVER AGAIN, DONT COME NEAR ME OR ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS, AND IF I SEE YOU EVEN CLOSE TO MY SISTER AND MY GIRL ILL FUCKING MURK YOU! YOU HEAR ME!”

Zacharius nods and runs off, leaving the gun, leaving his friend, leaving without even looking back…

Billy ran up to Jordan and aided him in the office and patch up his wounds and Jordan’s wounds.

—- time skip ( 1:34 am ) —-

The stitches hurt like a bitch but at least they’re not bleeding.

“Thanks for helping me out Billy…”

“It’s no Problem… I knew police won’t be here fast enough anyway but they’re coming, do… do you think you can speak up for me… I need to get back home, before (Y/n) goes worried because my phone is broken…”

“No- no… you're fine, no worries I can understand how my sister can be when I’m not home at a certain time, well it passed that time.” He chuckled, “my sis, won’t be worried because she’ll know that I’m with the police anyway so…”

Billy chuckled back and stopped leaning on the office counter, “oh I understand, is your sister a cop?”

“She is actually!”

They both cracked up and Billy said his goodbyes and left…

When he got in his car he felt drained again, he felt like another disaster just flew by, like he got struck by bullet through the heart…

‘Ok… let’s get the fuck home…’

—-

While he was speeding down the road he felt like he really fucked up for some reason…

You are not answering his text…

When you dropped his pops in the office, you didn’t even check on him, or at least waved…

You didn’t even reply back or seen- welp can’t know that now because his flip phone is drenched…

“Why choose me…”

“Wait what am I saying…”

He slammed his right hand on the steering wheel, ‘when you walked out, you… looked frustrated…’

“Fuck…”

He boost up his speed to 110 horsepower, but then he slowed his speed, and slowed his fucked up breathing, no one wants to hear a quivering fool…

He popped a red cherry pop in his mouth and continued to drive home…

Your home…

—- time skip —-

When he came home, he felt like he was about to pass out, his stomach was curling, it felt like a demogorgon was eating his insides out, he felt every inch of his hair spiking out, he felt…

Pinned and trapped…

If he stepped in, it’s over, it’s all over…

He held his breath and tried to calm down…

Everything felt like it was about to shatter…

Until…

He heard your voice in his head.

“Well you're wrong in so many ways, that I would call you. Fuckin idiot, if you think I wouldn’t be there for you.”

Billy felt his breathing coming back and felt his muscles stopped tensing up…

Billy just chuckled while shaking his head in a downward ‘no’ motion. And stepped out of the car. While he walked, he was fiddling with his key again, when he got there, he found the correct key and put his key in the key slot and opened the door.

When he stepped inside, he slowly closed the door behind him. The house was dead silent, ‘everyone probably asleep’, so Billy slowly walked inside to not make any noise until he heard (Y/n)’s door opened, his quiet footsteps turn into a little faster swivels to her door, right before he was going to the hallway, she stepped out from the corner of the hallway.

She had tired eyes but she looked unpleased, her arms were crossed, “where have you been?” She had a soft anger in her voice, she couldn’t see the blood stain shirt, because from his side it’s dark, dim, and hard to see his body, his face was slightly dimmed, “I’ve been at work.”

“It's 2:45 am, Billy.”

“Zach-“

“Don’t give me a excuse about zacharius.”

‘What’

“Sweetheart-“

“Don’t call me that” she had venom in her veins. Billy’s muscles was tensing up, “hey… let me-“

“You let me what B, you clocked out 2 hours ago and now your here like nothing happened, not even at least giving me a call!”

“My phone’s dead”

“That’s an excuse…”

Billy clenched his hands, “what’s an excuse! Look!”

He put his right hand in his pocket, and brought it out, it was slightly drenched and won’t turn on.

“You could’ve called me on the office phone or used your coworker’s phone.”

“My coworker left early and also I didn’t want to fuckin call you because you didn’t answer my text or you haven’t seen my text before 10:25 PM-ish after around 10:30 Pm, my phone broke…”

(Y/n) looked at his phone and smacked it off his hand, Billy looked at his hand and back at you confused, “that’s bullshit.”

“And how is it not (Y/n)” his confusion turned into a low growl of frustration.

“You are just the same player that those three girls were looking for…”

Billy felt hurt, “you're thinking I’m going back to my old ways… you-“

“Me what William, You lied to me that you weren’t going back, you lied to me for making a whore out of yourself for flirting over those sluts. you LIED-“

“LIED!” He *chuckled*, “LIED to you about what! Is it a lie that I saved you and Max from my father, IS IT A LIE, that I was there for you at the mall protecting you from that wuss name Zach! HUH, AM I SO MUCH OF A FUCKIN LAIR! THAT I FUCKIN LOVE YOU (Y/N)!”

Her anger just vanished, “shut up-“

“NO, I was at my fucking job, then Zacharius pushed me in the fuckin pool, so my phone got damaged; to make it like I was fuckin ignoring everybody, he tried to kill me, but his bud jordan came along and saved my sorry ass, I got out of the pool. he got shot my Zacharius and i threatened Zach to never come NEAR ME OR HIS FRIENDS, OR MY GIRL AND MY SISTER AGAIN!”

“…”

“Oh and just in case I’m not LYING to you.” Billy pulled his shirt up and showed his stitched up bullet wound and he move to the side to show her it went right through him, he put his shirt back down and looked back at (Y/n), “but I guess if I’m so much of a Manwhore; as you so called i am… I’ll fuckin leave.”

“No— B im-“

“Stop.”

Billy walked passed her, and walked in her room and grabbed his duffle bag and started filling stuff he needs to get the fuck out of there.

“Billy— just wait, I was-“

“STOP.”

“But-“

“STOP WILL YOU. Just stop—“

He got his stuff and walk out of her room, she ran in front of him and tried to stop him.

“Move—“

“No- just listen to me, it’s a misunderstanding— let me-“

“You already explained already, you told me who I am— so fucking move…”

Max stepped out of her room and saw her brother’s distressed face, she couldn’t see (Y/n), but she saw how her body quivers…

“No-“

“Fine I’ll just make myself leave…”

He grabbed her arm, and pulled her out of the way, it wasn't that forceful, but it made her gave up… so for the most part, she moved…

Billy walked up to the door and heard (Y/n)‘a soft sobbing in the background, while max was calling out for Billy.

But he never looked back.

And…

Simply said “I’ll pick you up tomorrow Max…”

And quietly opened the door and closed the door behind him, while never looking back…

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things billy #stranger things max #stranger things billy fanfiction #stranger things billy angst #stranger things billy hargrove #stranger things billy x reader #stranger things angst fanfiction #stranger things William hargrove #billy hargrove x reader angst #reader fanfiction #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove #max mayfield #maxine mayfield #stranger things au

[rubbcrhosemoved]

Just wanted to say real quick that I appreciate those that are being very patient with me as of late. If it isn't my ADHD cucking me over, it’s my random spells of depression and I’m not really the type to vent all that often since I don’t like to burden with that sorta shit. I usually wait til I can talk to my therapist to get all this shit off my chest but... my sessions are pretty spaced out so it takes a while I guess. I’ve just never really been good about opening up about stuff. The only times I usually finally give in was when I was forced to and that was it. Anyways, just gonna vibe for now on Discord til I get tired. I’ll get to asks and threads when I can. If there’s ever a time you want to do something with any of my muses, let me know! I’m ideally not trying to overwhelm myself with too many threads, but I don’t mind plotting about things and eventually getting around to it... I’m just slow like that I guess.

#RAMBLES ➡

[spookybeautybitch]

Hi there

The name's Rose, I'm 27 and I'm in a loving relationship with my partner. They use he/they pronouns and are very specifically enby. So I will call them my boyfriend occasionally but I will also call him my partner. It really just depends on mood and context. I've had nsfw accounts in the past but because of Tumblr and other reasons I've lost those so I'm starting over again with a new aesthetic that brings joy, but I have rules

This is my blog and if you skeeve me you're getting blocked

List your age, you will get blocked if you don't

I am nonbinary not a cis girl. Do not treat me as such

I am a switch so you can approach from whatever side you feel comfortable with

I will try my best to tag appropriately but I have adhd and will forget

My relationship is open so feel free to flirt, but if you condone cheating, cucking or anything of the like you will be blocked I don't play those games

No feeder/feedee or fat fetishist blogs

Transphobic, racist, or misogynistic blogs automatically get blocked

I don't use anything for nsfw but this blog. I won't make any other nsfw account unless this blog gets taken down

I will add more rules as i see fit

[a-quiet-borderline-diary]

I haven't written in a while.

I have been feeling a bit down lately because I don't have many friends, and none are as close to me like friends I had when I was younger. I am 32, so I know this is part of getting older because many people are just busy with their lives.. But I just miss it.

Sometimes I blame myself for it, or wonder if the more someone learns about me and gets to know me, the more likely they are to pull away.

I usually tell potential friends that I am bisexual/polyamorous/neurodivergent (adhd) pretty early on and maybe that oversharing is alienating. I'm afraid that if I'm not upfront though, that people will suddenly flip on me later. I have rejection trauma for being bisexual and for being polyamorous.

Although polyamory isn't an identity in the same way as being queer, it is a lifestyle that is often not accepted and sometimes ridiculed by others of all sexualities and genders.

People can say some pretty mean stuff about polyam folks. Like ok, I get it isn't for you. But why are we constantly called degenerates and cucks?? I don't watch my partners do things with others. We simply have multiple relationships. I don't even know why I try to make others understand, because we shouldn't even need to be understood to be respected.

Also, of course, being neurodivergent and mentally ill alienates me from others sometimes as well. I know that because I struggle with chores my house isn't always up to par so I feel self conscious to invite people over. But it seems like on occasions where I actually clean well and plan for guests that not many people even come.

Meds have done a lot for helping me to not get into arguments/fights with friends and partners as much as when I was younger. I lost a lot of friends in the past to this, but now it is too late to salvage those relationships.

I keep trying to start new and it just seems like I never will where I'm living now. I managed to make a few friends to hang out with occasionally but I feel like only my romantic partners (2) really know me and understand me. I feel like I am cursed always masking around friends or potential friends and it prevents me from getting closer. I even heard one girl who I thought was my friend thinks I'm fake. I'm trying to be fucking polite and not be a freak. But ok I guess that makes me fake. I can't win.

I think some of my unmasked behaviors are also just hard to accept. Even my romantic partners think I'm a little cringe sometimes but they love me so they are able to find endearment in it that other people probably won't. I do things like act very childish and make random noises. I fidget twirling my hair and biting at my nailbeds. It might not sound extreme or anything, but my disposition differs pretty greatly from how I behave in public and with friends I have not felt comfortable to unmask around.

A lot of my problem is region based though, and I know that (I live in a rural area, and I'm from a larger city where I had a better opportunity to meet like minded folks.) It doesn't make me feel much better about myself though.

I have over a year until we can move away from this region but it can't come soon enough. I'm 32 and I am afraid my best years are just over. I'm still often told I look 25 and I'm still attractive.. Albeit a little overweight now (but in a milf way!) so I don't feel like I have lost my youth yet but I don't want too much time to pass by where I must remain stagnant.

At least I have my 2 wonderful partners with me every day. We all live together and we are very happy otherwise. My boys are homebodies so they aren't as bothered by being in a rural area as I am though.

My husband is my best friend and our dynamic is very sassy and fun. He has been there for me through many struggles in my life and I have for him as well. We have been married nearly a decade.

My bf is wonderful as well, but a newer relationship. We have been together a bit over a year. He gets along well with my husband and they share a lot of hobbies. He is so gentle and remarkable at solving conflicts. I don't think I've ever truly had a fight with him.

All of us also share similar values and beliefs in general so it feels like I'm with my people. I just wish I had more platonic friends who I felt much closer to.

[feral-bite]

My partner has once again disappointed me.

I don't know how this man excels so greatly at doing things that are designed to make me lose my patience and get pissed off.

For context, this person has undiagnosed ADHD which he has not reconciled fully with. I'm talking "has brought up the possibility that he has ADHD but has not acknowledged that ADHD makes your life harder/makes you learn that neurotypical people generally have it easier than him". He also has some social anxiety / public anxiety, extending to detesting crowds, not wanting to be seen in public, and being nauseous when he thinks about socialising even with people he's close to, including his friends of 6+ years and me, his boyfriend. Before our relationship, he met up with his friends regularly despite the anxiety.

We're on summer break, and a friend who's studying overseas is having his summer break at the same time as us at home, so he's back here during this time. Despite planning to take advantage of the school break to go out on proper dates, his anxiety nausea has caused him to be unable to meet me or his friends for pretty much the whole duration even though he's said himself that he wants to see that friend while he's back here. He'll get nauseous while packing to go out, and feel nauseous while travelling, with his greatest fear being that he'll throw up on public transport/in public on the way. As a result, we've planned for our meetups to be at someone's house closer to his place.

Today, we were supposed to meet up at my place, which is only half an hour away from him. We even made it a point to sleep early yesterday night so we woke up on time for today's lunch appointment. He usually eats lunch at home and gets something soupy for his stomach for dinner with us, so I expected him to be on the way when we finished lunch and started making our way to my place. He was! I was so proud of him because before now he wouldn't even make it out of the house, and today he made it at least a bus interchange!

But then he saw the Sunday crowd at the station and noped out of everything. I suggested taking the bus over since it's likely to be less crowded, but he already gave up. "Because it makes [him] feel like [I'm] forcing [him] to come". I said I wasn't, he could turn tail and go home if he wanted to as long as he said so. Me being upset/disappointed about it isn't some coercion tactic or whatever, it's just a fact. I wouldn't get mad at him or hold it over his head.

He says: "Whatever / I've tried / It doesn't matter". That's fine. But instead of going home and playing with us over discord, he decided to loiter around presumably near or at the bus interchange until it was a reasonable time to just go home (not that I know how many hours that is). Like, he would rather loiter around some random place alone for ?? hours than either tolerate the crowd to get to my place or just go home and tell his parents some excuse as to why he didn't go.

And he isn't even willing to look up the symptoms of the disorder HE suspects he has. "Maybe you can try looking up rejection dysphoria or ADHD symptoms in adults?" "No."

Like, what the fuck do you want me to do? I've suggested coming over to pick you up from the bus interchange but it "doesn't change anything (about the fact that there's a crowd)", even though there's no way to meet on a day where public transport won't cuck the shit out of you because our friends have weekday commitments and we've had firsthand evidence that my presence does cheer you up and calm you down. Like when I had to fight tooth and nail to get to your apartment with horribly designed security/layout for visitors and you complained of nausea the whole time all the way until I arrived and OH WOW suddenly everything's FINE?? No more anxious nausea????

So yes, I'm a bit irritated that we made the stars align for you and you still gave up early.

#vent tag #this is a vent blog but if anyone has suggestions on how to deal with it i am very open to them #i put in so much emotional legwork and was willing to put in so much physical legwork and you couldn't even be assed to meet me halfway #or even let me help because you think it makes you pathetic or something #get over yourself please for both our sakes

[chiefambassador-archive]

me having just done 6 posts on tumblr and 4 posts on discord:

#i just cucked my adhd #i am short one less mental illness now #[ ♛ ] vae mood — a 'vood' if you will » ooc.

[queerautism]

crumb doesnt understand why the comments by qadhd werent weird/yucky but crumb gets lied to a lot apparently. it felt really gross n stressing to see an crumb doesnt get it

Okay, so. From my POV, i was having an argument with an anti endo blog, and they told me to 'touch grass'. I asked them nicely to not say that to me, because as a disabled person who is still basically bedbound, it reminds me of not being able to go outside and it really hurts.

Several anti endo blogs, fixing-endo-posts included, proceeded to insist it wasn't ableist to say 'touch grass' and that my feelings were basically stupid. I continued to ask them politely to please stop saying it to me, and they straight up doubled down and took advantage of my vulnerability to say it to me again and upset me as much as possible. (To this day, by the way, both solarsyscourse and fixing-endo-posts keep adding 'touch grass' on posts where they talk about me, because they know it hurts me.) I ended up crying a lot due to this.

Dave (queer-adhd) loves me very much and was extremely upset by the way I was being treated, and when I asked him for help, he started replying to fixing-endo-posts to take the attention away from me. He did not know fixing-endo-posts, their age, or anything else, just the current situation. Dave was really upset and feeling a bit manic, so when insults like cuck and bootlicker were used, Dave tried to turn them around by basically saying "ohh i find that sexy 😘"

Then fixing-endo-posts and solarsyscourse tried to make that one bit of the interaction into a HUGE deal as a way to distract from what was happening beforehand, which to be fair, it did work, because no one seems to remember what they were doing to me.

Dave did explain that here, 17 isn't a minor in the same way someone would be in the US, which is factually true. I do understand justifications like this are used by people with bad intentions towards younger people, but that, like grooming, happens through creating an actual connection and 'friendship' with a minor. It was said in the context of an argument here. Plus, Dave is asexual, wasn't actually turned on, and was just joking as an attempt to gross someone out so they'd leave me alone. I understand it wasn't the ideal way to do it, but those are the facts from my point of view. Thanks for listening.

[cinnamonest]

ayo is that xiao fic the cucking one 👀👀👀👀 i remember that

YES that's the one all the way from like march. I abandoned it for a while bc I basically wrote in chunks which is what I tend to do -- my ADHD ass's writing style is basically bouncing all around and writing out parts and then stitching them together which I was having trouble doing for that one bc I just felt like it wasn't coming together well? But I do intend to finish it and will likely get a burst of creativity at some point and then it'll come together lol. I tried to divide it into 6 parts and basically need to do the middle part. Part 1&2 are totally done, part 5&6 are close to done, but I really don't like releasing things in parts, I prefer to do it all at once, so I'll have to finish it.

Also I'd probably have to post it somewhere else, since idk if there's a word limit to Tumblr posts, but it would be probably too long for one post anyway.

#lena's asks

[none-of-your-biscuits]

Biscuits watching high guardian spice aka little witch wannabes ep 4: Parsley, Slime boy, and the almost good episode

-okay "the squirrelly kid down the hallway who can pick locks, hostage negotiation" was a little funny

-Tall is entertaining at least

-ugh the potions teacher

-why are they all packing in one room aren't they from 2 separate room pairs

-oh boy the stereotype lesbians are back

-you were gone for like a month how would you already have 2 more brothers??? Does birth control just, not exist

-oh?

-oh it's the magic jawbreaker

-shut it pepto

-you've gotta get a magic jawbreaker that fits? It's about the jawbreaker itself and doesn't just adapt to the person? Are we getting an actual scrap of lore

-eldest daughter syndrome?? In my horrible show

-actually this is actually worse the more I think about it

-like blondie is noticeably older than her brothers, she deadass works at her family's blacksmithing shop despite her being like the equivalent of a freshman

-her parents couldn't even bother to take like 5 minutes and write her a letter? Damn

-Tall lore? Only took 3 eps

-wack, don't like the vibes

-yeah bad vibes

-if it's so much work stop having kids, I hate Blondie's parents

-don't force ur daughter to raise your kids you fucks

-stop bringing up new and old magic unless you do something about it

-WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS KID SAYING

-it's just mumbles

-SLIME BOY!

-please get him a better mic it sounds like he recorded his lines on a DS

-the magic jawbreaker shop is interesting

-I love slime boy

-oh it's the logo staff, who could have guessed

-I feel so bad for Parsley

-damn, the energy

-ugh the kids like 3 lines overlapping so much is so annoying

-Tall and Parsley being more entertaining when cut away from the cotton candy cucks wasn't expected but was appreciated

-this is actually a mildly entertaining plot

-ew back to the boring characters

-the new/old magic thing isn't supposed to be a series of drug jokes but I'm gonna pretend it is bc it's funnier this way

-oh shit she said a sWeAr my poor child ears

-I hope that never happens again, the diologue is unnatural enough as is

-the *shivers* allura lookin cousin annoys me

-damn this poor girl

-damn right it's not her fuckin job to raise ur kids for u

-the outro is a jumpscare

-overview I guess

-the only things I really cared about was parsley and the magic jawbreaker shop, everything else was meh

-didn't really like that everything was resolved super quickly but it's whatever I guess

-if I didn't have adhd and the habit of over thinking I think this show would be much more aggravating than it already is

[crplpunkklavier]

was gonna make a post about how i’ve gotten fairly decent at chess but could never play someone irl because one of the many ways in which my adhd cucks me is that i have to spell out my strategies and ideas out loud for me to understand and remember them. but then i actually listened to myself while solving a puzzle and found that all that’s coming out of me is garbled bilingual nonsense. imagine playing chess against someone and they (very loudly, because i have no volume control) just keep going “ok so when the um, the horse, and he’d have to... well i want the bauer to eat here... und dann wenn, you couldn’t go there, because i’d kill you, and so... bishop?” who do you think would despair first. my adhd cucks YOU

#im not locked in here with you. youre locked in here with me

[brw]

Pietro & Wanda for the character ask thing!!

PIETRO

Sexuality Headcanon: Honestly I'm not sure! On one hand ofc both twins can be bi and also he has some nice Homoerotic Relationships™. On the other hand it's kinda funny to imagine him as a cishet who doesn't understand but is supportive of his trans bi sister, and his two queer nephews. The token straight of the Maximoff gang <3 but yeah basically nothing it set in stone for him dhrhhrhfhr.

Gender Headcanon: I personally do not have anything perfectly set in stone again however I like the headcanons some people have of him being trans and have read a few nice fics so :> yeah nothing again that's set in stone or disputable for me I just like seeing people's Thots™ on the matter

A ship I have with said character: God I dunno 🙈 I have relationships that I like with him but nothing that I strongly ship u know? Like lots of concepts that are fun but nothing that I go "yeah that's good". Probably either the Silverfish ship or him and Emma in No Surrender were sweet.

A BROTP I have with said character: Hmm him and Lorna I think! I absolutely hate P*ter D*vid still but their moments were nice :)

A NOTP I have with said character: Saw some xmcu fans ship him and Scott together which <3 no.

A random headcanon: While I don't think he's got ADHD (I stay away from hc speedster characters as having ADHD bc :/) I do think he would benefit from having stims so I think he uses figit spinner when he wants to go Fast™ but cannot :>

General Opinion over said character: He's nice tbh. I prefer him in X Stories tbh (I swear every time him and Vision are on panel together I'm just like "stay away. go someplace else PLEASE) but I liked him in the Cap's Quartet days! I also think marvel should bring back him liking the circus bc that was really pure and nice :) also I think he's not dramatic enough these days. Needs to be more over the top I think. Also rip to the way Englehart wrote him, though Englehart just had a think for cucking (I mean seriously, he wanted to write Vision cheating on Wanda w/ Mantis and wrote Clea almost cheating on Strange with Benjamin Franklin apparently??? So who knows what was going thru his head) so hdndjrh.

WANDA

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual :> but tbh I'm open for most headcanons and stuff hdhhdhrhrh.

Gender Headcanon: Trans Wanda my beloved... I just like the idea :) I have the url transwandamaximoff for a reason! It is just a vibe ❤️ marvel can kiss my ass idc

A ship I have with said character: Guess. Go on, guess.

Them, of course. One of the classics. Hope old marvel writers are rolling in their graves at me calling this a lesbian romance hdhdhdhhd.

A BROTP I have with said character: Her and Janet! They were really sweet together and their friendship was nice :> also her and Mantis. They were friends too and idk it was nice to see them be chill together. None of this "women forced into a stupid rivalry bc of a love triangle" bullshit I just want them drinking tea and gossiping together.

A NOTP I have with said character: Her and Simon 🤢Byrne I'm never going to forgive you for that. Also her and Victor. That was... strange and unappealing. I really... do not understand. Also her and Carol. She deserves better than an ex-military war criminal jfc.

A random headcanon: Honestly considering Wanda helped design some outfits for people (the Goliath Hank Pym fit was her :>) I like to think that Janet decided to take her sort of as an apprentice for a bit and taught her how to design clothes and that she's actually good at it :> I also imagine if Janet asks she models for her on occasion!!

General Opinion over said character: Wife ❤️💖💞 treated like shit by m*rvel c*mics and for WHAT. if she was written by Bendis it didn't happen <3 deserves way more than what she gets. Should get to lead her own Avengers Team at some point tbh. Her relationship with Vision also wasn't any worse than any other Silver Age Romance at the time so idk why people act like it was? But um yeah 👉👈 Hickman if ur not gonna retcon the stupid AXIS thing keep your filthy hands of her.

send a character

#ask games} answers #tysm for asking!! #💛💛💛 #sophie 📗 #pietro maximoff #ch: don't be so quick to judge witches

[wtfgaylittlezooid]

I wish i could ask something about your kirby au cause it looks so cool but regrettably i don’t know anything about kirby, so instead i humbly request your general thoughts on Doc Patch!! He’s one of my faves

HI MOODLE LOVE YOUR FUNKY ART ALSO YES I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON HIM

General thoughts are just hehoo love the funny man!! He’s so polite and he’s always in a good mood, and his stutter is so good, and ogjfhfhf love him!

So have some hcs too!

• He needs glasses. Desperately. He doesn’t even have contacts he just constantly squints and whenever he does something stupid he blames it on the sight through his mask and hair

• Him brain too fast for he goddamn speak! Aka whenever he tries to speak his ADHD cucks him by throwing another sentence in halfway there so he automatically tries to switch to it mid way resulting in the stutter

• He plays with his coat a lot when he’s bored or swats at his mask’s ears

• Leafos has stolen a lot of his coats even if it’s way too big for her. He doesn’t mind and finds it adorable. Until he doesn’t have any for work djshsksj

• This man has no filter, he is incapable of thinking before he speaks and it occasionally shows.

[valerian-valentine-2]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Homestuck Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider & Dirk Strider, Jake English/Dirk Strider Characters: Dirk Strider, Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider, Referenced Jake English Additional Tags: Vomiting, Weed, Drug Use, dick moves, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Jams, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling Summary:

“Don’t fuckin’ ask me questions right now, my brain can’t handle it. Is my puke actually magenta or am I just fuckin’ hallucinating?” Dirk groaned in response, giving his puke a mournful and severely confused look like this was a puzzle that fucked his wife and culled him a cuck while doing it and he wasn’t gonna do shit besides make that bottom face and ask the puzzle to please stop fucking his wife but the puzzle wasn’t going to comply, it was going to keep fucking his wife literally all over the house and drink his beer and basically raise his kids as the cool uncle that sometimes comes over and wrestles with mommy while daddy cries. Oh, wait, Dirk asked a question.

Or, Dave has ADHD and Dirk has relationship problems.

#dirk strider #hs dirk #dave strider #hs dave #karkat hs #karkat #davekat #fluff