#i just feel so bad about my stuff

[bamsara]

being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now

#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic #even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space #so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now #like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry) #but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her #or a blind bag with a character keychain #and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad #starts to diminish #my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it #or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces #i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables #my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons #like i dont get it but i get it #maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort #sara shush #ramble

[kinos-fortress-2]

guys stop kissing and go back to protect the point plz- GUYS-

#swordvan #demosniper #demoman #sniper #tf2 #team fortress 2 #so about swordvan heh... sorry i had to go back to draw them now kissing and eating each other #i have been feeling like drawing lovey dovey stuffs even though im not in love huh #i just think its fun to draw tf2 lovey dovey shits #kino art #ik probably the anatomy of the second one is bad i didnt use reference i made that w my heart #i am making more lovey dovey tf2 anyways sorry now i want to draw ppl being in love

[wybienova]

dream visit (nostalgia) - a 2nd anniversary katfl comic

#wooo wooo yayyyy uayyy happy anniversary #happy birthday elfilin and elfilis my beloveds #kirby #elfilin #fecto elfilis #idk if i should tag this as forgo #katfl #LOTS of talking abt this piece in the tags below #i wanted to do some kinda thing and I got this idea for a comic #so i just kinda went in and did it messy #not really worrying too much about how it looked #and I like how it came out I think #even if elfilin looks kinda bad at some parts #kind of a sequel to my old dream visit post? #that one I gave elfilis/forgo the tunic script but I didn’t feel like doing it this time #this one i was kinda thinking about like. ok #identity and stuff and how it differs for them #i know forgo and elfilis are 2 separate entities #but i like drawing elfilis #so i think in this dream scenario where they can kinda be whatever #they’d show themself as elfilis #because that’s what they are trying to become again anyways #and really elfilin is only a small part of the whole #so forgo IS far more ‘elfilis’ than elfilin would be #similarly they just keep saying ‘i’ whereas elfilin sees that form and thinks ‘we’ #forgo being kind of self centered: they don’t need elfilin to achieve their goals #that being destruction which elfilin would inhibit #except they do to actually become elfilis again #idk whatever I should stop talking #wybs art

[smoothshine]

𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗

#royai #roy mustang #riza hawkeye #fullmetal alchemist #fma #fmab #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fanart #fma fanart #smoothshine draws #yaaaay i am alive for a bit again and i still can draw! #i am having my exams in the beginning of July so i needed a distraction between studying and eeh not studying x)) #but hey it's angsty royai hugs time!! #i wasn't quite able to take part in the royai week this year (which i feel kinda bad about btw) #but i still wanted to draw something involving my favourite war criminals during June and here it is! #tbh i just wanted to work with messy traditional stuff again and i ended up liking it #i have quite a lot of older sketches by now and maybe i'll post them with time if they grow on me ahah

[pineappical]

in light of tedtrent becoming so real, im also jumping on the tedtrent epilogue 😊

there's just no way ted wouldn't keep in touch with the others (and have weekly zoom meetings just like in the christmas special) and I just love the thought of the whole team having reunions once in a while.

and going back to trent's arc in s3, the sunflowers conversation, "And your daughter?" "She's never been happier." I think it could go the same for ted.. we've never really properly saw how henry felt about his dad being in london, it's always other people that told ted his son misses him, who's to say henry would rather see his dad happy because that in turn would make him happy too? he was there to win the whole thing, right? I just know ted’s story isn’t done yet when he still hasn’t learned to let others take care of him in return and who else to pair him with than the man who blew up his career because a man was nice to him (and also because they were so. so cruel for the fakeout tedbecca scenes for that finale) 🥺

I'm no writer so just pretend these are snapshots of a slow burn fic where ted visits london for their team reunion and slowly realizes that trent has a crush on him and they kiss about it 💛

#ted lasso #trent crimm #tedependent #ted lasso fanart #tedtrent #ted x trent #I HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS BTW its just that its 4am rn and i cannot type down my thoughts for the life of me </3 #im just so not over that ending and how weird it felt for ted to end his story like that.. not like he can turn back to michelle since #dr. jacob is right there.. i want this man to feel loved and cared for and actually have a place he knows he can call home and that was #richmond for me.. to the family we were born with. and to the family we make along the way etc etc etc #ted lasso spoilers #<- FORGOT ABOUT THAT. #i can finally say i loved the ending for all the callbacks and stuff but I NEED THIS MAN TO BE HELDDDD!!!!! *everything explodes around me* #he even went back there WITHOUT BEARD :( his bestfriend for sooo long who was there for all their ups and downs. i dont like beard and jane #being together but the fact ted didnt even go to their wedding too like ...??! what is going onnnn #also graying lasso is just something so indulgent for me . hush #pn.art #JUST YKNOW!!! I HOPE YALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING ITS REALLY REALLY LATE I PROBABLY SHOULDVE WAITED TILL LATER TO POST THIS BUT JAHJVAKDG #my memory is really bad too so i could also be misremembering scenes and im too eepy to check the scenes i had in mind so u_u #ALSO apologies that its taking me sooo long to draw things i recently joined a mc server and ive been playing it all day and night HFSJGFSH #im sooo scared of making these type of posts because i dont have the balls to make the wrong choices in other people's eyes but GRAAH!!!!! #<- i love tedtrent bUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK IM CRINGGGEEEE!!!!! #THATS ALL.... i have more drawings in mind that ill get around to later.. for now goodnight <3

[solanj]

#rogue trader #heinrix van calox #theciya von valancius #solanj art #heinrix x von valancius #just a little something to cheer myself up #I feel a little bad for fandom tagging a piece which from the outside probably isn't even recognizable as fandom #but I need those tags to be able to navigate my own blog #sorry! #also I'm so insane about these two you have no idea #can I have at least an itty-bitty portion of my brain back? #please? #Owlcats? #Anyone?.. #I really need that brain to do stuff you know #like work #and certainly NOT to be daydreaming 24/7!

[thetarttfuldickhead]

”Who’s this then?” she asks, as if she doesn’t know, and only to hear the excitement in Jamie’s voice as he tells her all about Roy Kent.

She’s a City girl through and through and it is a little jarring to see different colours up on her wall, but that’s what being a parent is all about, isn’t it? Loving someone enough to love what they love, even if it turns out to be the captain of bloody Chelsea. 

--- 

Posters come and go, there are girls and footballers and other girls and other footballers and then others still, but Roy Kent stays where he is, slap bang in the middle and staring right at her with those weirdly intense eyes whenever she gets in the room to hoover.

Needs to relax a bit, that one, she thinks, more than once. For all the pictures and clips Jamie has shown her, she’s never seen Kent smile. Plays like a god, though, one of those vengeful ones, so she guesses she can see the attraction.

---

It’s obvious that Jamie’s not happy, and she’s not either, what with having him move down all the way to London to play for AFC Richmond of all teams. Still, she supposed a loan make sense, get him more minutes and bit of experience.

“Didn’t Roy Kent move there after he quit Chelsea?” she asks, and is pleased with the way Jamie’s eyes light up a little at that. “You’ll get to play together now.”

---

“He’s a nasty bastard. Right fucking bitter about not being as good as he was, yeah?”

She doesn’t hear much more about Roy Kent after that, not for another year or so. Doesn’t hear much from Jamie at all, really, not even after he returns to Manchester. When he does stop by – for Christmas, for her birthday – he talks about just about anything but football. Doesn’t mention fighting Kent on the pitch, doesn’t say a word about calling him a knob on national television.

Doesn’t take the poster down either, though, she notices when he’s gone.

---

“Jamie Tartt is a muppet and I hope he dies of the incurable condition of being a little bitch,” Roy Kent says and she’s already halfway out the sofa when Simon’s hand on her arm holds her back.

“If Jamie wants it down he’ll take it down,” her husband tells her.

---

She sees her son crouching, defeated, on Wembley grass, and her heart breaks for him. Two days later he’s outside her door and in her arms and he’s talking like he hasn’t talked to her since he was loaned to Richmond and her heart breaks for him all over again.

She can’t wish she had never gotten with his wanker of a father, for how can she, when she got Jamie out if? Still, there’s no stopping her from wishing James falls down a sewer and drowns in shit, gagging on it as he goes.

“And I’m just standing there, like I couldn’t move or something, right, but then Roy walks over and I though he was going to fucking punch me, but he just hugged me, like really tight, and I fucking bawled my eyes out. Dead embarrassing, it was, but… made me feel safe, too. Made me think of you.”

She stops flipping the poster off, after that

---

“So Roy offered to train me, special,” Jamie says, and she thinks it sounds a bit like torture personally, the things Kent is apparently having him do in the middle of the bloody night, but Jamie’s nothing but enthusiasm and barely contained pride so she’s happy for him.

---

She knows that other parents might have been surprised to see their son befriend and then bring home people whose pictures he still has on his wall, but their sons are not Jamie, are they?

Roy Kent proves far less domineering than she might have suspected. Doesn’t shout once, is polite about Simon’s baking, and tells her he loves her before he leaves. Definitively has some issues, but seems a nice enough lad for all of that.

--- 

Simon drives them down to London for Jamie’s 26:th birtday and it’s only the third time she’s ever been to his Richmond home. As she exits the car, Roy Kent exits Jamie’s front door and pauses at the sight of her.

“Hey,” he says, and it’s a bit endearing, the way he sounds unsure, like he doesn’t know what to make of her or how to act around her.

No need for any of that, though.

“There he is,” she exclaims, adding, “I’m going to hug you now,” before doing just that.

His body is solid and hard and held so fucking stiff, but after just a moment – surprisingly quickly, really – he relaxes into the embrace, like maybe it’s one he’s been wanting for a very long time. He holds her tight and she lets him and she can see what Jamie means about him being a great hugger.  

Eventually, she gently pulls back a little, so she can smile up at him as she says, “Thank you.”

Off his furrowed brow, she continues, “For what you’ve done for our Jamie. I know it’s meant a lot to him, you training him and being his friend and everything.” 

“Oh. Jamie’s told you about that, has he?”

And she must raise her eyebrows at that, kindly but incredulously. “Of course he has, love. Never shuts up about you, does he?”

As it turns out, Roy Kent does know how to smile after all.

#georgie tartt #roy kent #jamie tartt #roy & jamie #ficlet #my stuff #like jamie's whole thing with roy is such a wild thing but i feel like georgie would just have been so decidedly NOT surprised about it #of course her special boy and golden child is going to become bff:s (and maybe more!) with his favourite football player #that's just jamie right? #also roy probably need a mummy hug SO BAD

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[welcome-to-the-agender-agenda]

I don't think anyone talks about ADHD meltdowns enough.

I get them 9/10 times when I try to do homework.

It's not just crying because I do that every time I get frustrated with work and that's quite often.

It's not just accepting defeat and being angry with yourself because I do that a lot too.

It's breaking down sobbing, bending over and hugging yourself as snapping at anybody who tries to get you to continue working.

It's repeating I can't I can't over and over and feeling so ashamed whilst you're doing it.

It's feeling so angry with yourself because you know you can do the work you just can't do it like this and you're taking out your anger on other people.

It's other people trying to be helpful by saying that you can do it and there isn't much left so we have to crack on but that only makes you more frustrated.

Because they don't understand.

You want to.

But you just can't.

#living with adhd #adhd #meltdown #neurodivergent #adhd meltdown #actually adhd #actually neurodivergent #adhd struggles #adhd strikes again #adhd stuff #adhd things #overwhelmed #frustrated #it's the only time i yell at my mum and i feel so bad #i just get so angry #and i know it isn't her fault #but she doesn't know how to help me #and no one ever talks about it #executive dysfunction #cant focus

[lavenoon]

reblog art, goddamnit

#post let luce #i know people make posts like this all the time #but I am so fucking tired #I post art for engagement. for interaction. #so many of those reblogs are tagless too #what do i make art for? #to throw it out to a silent audience? to get a clap and then work on the next performance? #this is not ragging on people who reblog. especially not those reblogging with tags #yall are the reason i *do* still post #but i honestly just wanna know what people think. i wish to hear their thoughts. the less people reblog the less people see #and the less people have the spoons to actually talk to me about my art #not doing so well rn so it just hits harder #and more and more tempted to just. not post on tumblr anymore #when i post stuff on discord it feels much more interactive #despite the audience being so much more limited #feeling bad about my art and posting on here isnt helping

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

I've been reading Exodus lately and I've just gotten to the portions where God gives the first commands to the people via Moses (twice), and then goes on to give detailed instructions about the tabernacle and how it should be built, and I'm just... we think art is unimportant?? we think things only mean as much as their functionality?? we so easily fall into the trap of believing that beauty means nothing, that it's cheap and only worth whatever mindless distraction it brings, that it's barely more than a cheap sensual thrill, that buildings should just be practical and plain and cheap, that everything should be functional but ultimately disposable, that paintings and dresses and mugs and curtains and carpets are just pretty but have no real value, that beauty is fleeting and vain and therefore shouldn't be thought about too much, if even looked for at all... we fall into these traps so easily, and we forget that there are chapters upon chapters of painstakingly detailed plans to build one portable worship tent, and those plans have been handed down through thousands of years of human history, because beauty and art and skill in craft is important

#I have to go get ready for work now but I will come back to this #and don't even get me started on the parts about God calling specific craftsmen *by name* #he called them!! by name!!! he said 'this man is good at his job. he creates beautiful work. he will build my temple and make it beautiful' #and even more--God inspired him!!!! it was a calling of GOD for him to create beautiful carvings and tapestries and candlesticks!!! #look even if you're not jewish or christian or religious at all you have GOT to see what it means that all these incredibly detailed plans #for building this tent-temple are extremely important #because even if you don't believe in God and don't think that this is all significant bc he personally gave the instructions #and then helped preserve this record of them so we could still read them today #you do have to see how important they were to the people of that time who first wrote them down #and the extreme care that was taken to record all of those detail #AND the fact that it's been preserved for so long and we can still read all the care that was put into creating this incredible piece #of artwork and worship they made #gurt says stuff #I just. gahhfhhfj. I'm feeling emotional about chapters of the Bible that I can't even fully force myself to pay attention to #bc there's so MUCH and I'm bad at visualizing this stuff and I tend to zone out while listening to it #but the fact that it IS that much!!! that there SO MUCH DETAIL and it goes on for SO LONG that I even struggle to pay attention!!! #that this was THAT IMPORTANT to the people who wrote it and to God!!! as an artist and someone who has always cared about art #this means so much to me ok #christianity #bible verse #bible thoughts #exodus #art #theology

[michaeljoncarter]

it really is starting to feel like every single person at dc has somehow just completely forgotten how storytelling works on a fundamental level. like i genuinely believe 99% of the problems they’re having could be solved if all the writers and the entire editorial staff was forced to take a middle school reading class

#eta since im p sure this is getting recced to people as just the first part: theres a longass addition in the notes lol #all the new news about dark crisis is making me want to actually jump off a cliff it's so bad #and ive been catching up on modern stuff and like #comparing marvel and dc rn is genuinely painful <3 #like i don't super love a lot of what marvel's putting out right now #but idk man #like marauders is probably my least favorite of what ive read in the past few weeks #but even in that everyone feels like a solid character with an actual personality and a history that's referenced #the way they're written is super annoying but you can at least tell the person who's writing them has actually bothered to read up on them #continuity is still a little messy but at least it... exists. and there's a canon to draw from instead of just 'everything is canon!' #u g h #im holding back a whole novella length tirade about this god god god

[aether-weather]

SAGESUNE MIKU >:DDD

#i rise from the dead once again!! #sorry about the long periods of time in between me posting #school is absolutely kicking my ass right now and i havent had any time to draw the creatures :( #ive also just been feeling unsatisfied with my art as of late #its probably just too much time online looking at other peoples art making me feel bad about myself #even though im improving as fast as i can it doesnt feel like im getting any better #but i know from experience that that feeling doesnt go away with time #so i guess ill always see flaws in my art no matter how hard i try to get better #man. that got really depressing :/ #anyways SAGE!!! i love her she is my favorite of all time and im going to draw her so much yall dont even KNOW :D #ive got tons of other stuff planned too so watch out >:3 #i could hit you guys with 6 paragraphs of au lore any day now #sonic the hedgehog #sage robotnik #AWWWHHHGG SHE HAS HER OWN LITTLE TAG IM SOBBING #anyways #sage sonic #hatsune miku #i guess #whoof im scared to post this #or maybe im just exhausted #probably both :/

[skunkes]

#something he keeps saying lately #also idk how to word this but my stuff almost never looks good when i flip the canvas but aiming for symmetrical too Stiff #i hope my stuff is at least a Good wonky and not a ''dude this looks so bad you just cant tell yet'' wonky... #i want it to look like i made it bad on purpose not like its bad because im just unskilled.... #but it definitely is not ever on purpose or in an informed; breaking the rules ive learned way lol. #<- speaking generally here bc as of rn i dont think this doodle Sucks its just lopsided i think...thats what the canvas flip says at least #i always say this but i wish i cld switch between my perception of my stuff and someone else's perception #i hate feeling so in the dark about my own stuff. i wont even be able to tell if this sucks bad until anywhere from one day to 5 years #from now. ykwim. #a doodley #ok gn ^_^

[calypsolemon]

I have created an au that is so self indulgent. It is called "Starboots"

the tl;dr is that Puss made the wish for his 8 other lives back, and the Star decides to interpret that desire... liberally, to say the least. Longer explanation is under the cut.

The Star, in reaction to Puss's selfish desire, decides to grant his wish by imbuing him with its own power. This creates eight extra "lives" for him, but simultaneously binds him to itself and the Dark Forest, making him the a new immortal embodiment of the Wishing Star. He can only return to his 9th mortal life by granting eight true wishes; Peering into the hearts of people who enter the forest, creating paths for them that will heal their hurts and leading them to the things they truly need. Essentially, by giving others a new lease on life, he gives up his own, one by one.

The only way he can communicate with the outside world is via the map, with the exception of Death. Though their conversations over time become less hostile and more introspective, the wolf is a constant reminder to Puss that even if he manages to escape his fate of being the Star, Death will still pursue him in the end.

Kitty and Perrito are not aware of what happened to Puss, only that he made the wish and then they woke up somewhere else, with the map missing and the entrance to the Dark Forest having vanished. In their time away from Puss they become very close, forming a "crime duo" in which Perrito uses his friendly demeanor and smooth talking to gain intel, and Kitty does most of the sneaking and stealing. The only tension in their relationship is when they talk about Puss. Kitty believes he ran after the wish was made, and she wants nothing to do with him anymore for it. Perrito does not agree, and secretly searches for map in the hopes of finding any lead. Which he finally gets a whiff of 8 years later...

There's more stuff but I am still developing some aspects of the au. Just know my aim is to examine the concept of "selflessness", and explore what it means for a life to have value.

#puss in boots #puss in boots the last wish #starboots au #i have an idea of how it will all end as well but thats still being hashed out #just know my aim here is not to say puss ''deserves'' any of this #this is an au about regretting bad choices so much you feel too trapped by the consequences to heal from them #and its also about me designing and epicy cool outfit for him. look at him. he may be depressed but he can still slay #cal draws stuff

[transmechanicus]

Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.

#my stuff #i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks #like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy #hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month? #can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control #can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me? #and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone #so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks #im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better #i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up #cause i can see that happening #i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something #and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends. #and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you #i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once. #and that's not me. that's not who I want to be. #i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.