#i just felt guilty

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!? #..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much. #on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments) #i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[egophiliac]

like mother, like son, but less wholesome this time?

(I couldn't decide whether or not to put them together, so have them in all the different ways!)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #if i had a nickel for every time a draconia ob'd while trying to save lilia #and had to be taken out by a member of this one specific bloodline with sparkly celestial hair that a fairy blessed #et cetera and so on you know the rest #i mean we know it's going to end better this time but y'know. the parallels! #oh meleanor my beloved #of course...of course she ob'd...it makes sense... #everything about this whole situation just massively sucked for everyone huh #well at least silver's biodad felt guilty about killing her i guess #i dunno i'm just havin' some feelings about all of this #lilia had both the absolute worst and absolute best things about his life come out of all this #down the two great loves of his life and also his job and reputation and 200 years of his life and uhhhh kind of everything else honestly #up some kids though! #(also one of those kids is a baby dragon who is JUST the right size to put silly hats on) #they were worth it to him! or maybe they were worth not giving up? look i am DEEP in the blorbosauce right now #if you don't want to read emotional tags about lilia twistedwonderland then don't come to egophiliac.tumblr.com

[aarghone]

He's just a gunky goopy lil guy

#qsmp #slimecicle #bobby qsmp #gegg #animation #lil animation before doomsday cause that conversation with bobby the other night GUTTED me guys #somethin anout slime having to so rapidly change the way he saw bobby (only a few seconds ago at that) and finally getting #some of that understanding and forgiveness he needs from someone who also knew tilin and blamed him for their death #and it coming from bobby #most violent kid on the server /aff #who he was talking about killing just a few seconds prior and who had the same outlook of blaming slime for tilins death as slime himself #REALLY gets to me #also bobby who's afraid of what might happen to him in the next few days #AAGHHHHHHHH #THEY BOTH LOVED TILINNNNN #(and both felt guilty) #my art #gif #(I think he was just trying to be a good uncle and messed up) #(I really hope you make it B) #(tell slime to feel free to go back to being himself) #(you're a good egg bobby) #<- looking at these line specifically #also the way charlie gets all quiet after he realizes bobby's talking about tilin #charlies conversations with leo and bobby as gegg both really got me #:(((((((

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!! #this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally- #changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!! #anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

[flowerbloom-arts]

Change is a two-way street.

(Is my favoritism towards the Damsel obvious enough, or?)

note: TLQ [aka my sona Bloombird] is a butch sapphic and this is yuri

#slay the princess #stp fanart #stp narrator #stp protagonist #the long quiet #the damsel #stp princess #stp damsel #swearing tw #blood tw #tw sui attempt #ask to tag #I'm pretty sure it's canon that the Princess gets to outlive Birdman atleast for a short bit before the construct resets #and that oftentimes they BOTH have to die for it to reset. So.... I imagine pre-Damsel Princess was pretty devastated #I read a really beautiful comment on an stp soundtrack video about the parallel between Damsel and Witch/Thorn #and how Damsel so felt guilty she wanted to give up her entire personhood and desires just to make Birdman happy #so this is very much inspired by that

[emo-batboy]

A Wild Battinson (Social Media AU)

Part 43 (Masterlist)

(Part 44)

Me, to myself: I just think the series was better when I posted several times a week because the pacing felt more natural, and it translates better when people binge it.

Also Me, holding two jobs and a bat: If you try to post once a day again, I will disconnect your head from your shoulders—

@bruciemilf guess who’s back

Anyways, folks! :D So I'm thinking of a new upload schedule where I spend a bit preparing the next ten or so parts then post it all in two weeks? I think that would be fun (and much better for my creative process.)

I’ll be posting the next part very soon :) But it's going to be drastically different from what I've done before. Let’s see if anyone can guess why.

Yada yada don’t die LOVE Y’ALL

#also since I posted so much more I felt less guilty putting filler stuff in because you'd get more tomorrow #but NOW that feels like cheating because you waited a whole week (or three months whoopsie) even though when I look back at the older parts #-the filler bits were always the best #also the lore is just exhausting sometimes #I'm not writing the MCU here I need to calm down #I'm literally rereading my own series five times trying to think of more cute filler because that's CLEARLY what I'm missing #and pictures of him #I'm running out of pictures of Robert Pattinson it's finally happening #pray for me #a wild battinson #battinson #bruce wayne #batman #the batman 2022 #batman 2022 #the batman #dc universe #dc #battinson needs a hug #gotham #soft bruce wayne #gotham city #only in gotham #gothamite #social media au #social media

[bamsara]

Reminder that around this time is when people start early-shopping for holiday gift-giving (for those who celebrate or their family celebrates) so if you're someone who's family/friends refuses to take 'no, dont get me a gift' as an answer then you need to start making a wishlist of things you actually want and can use.

Having an actaul list to whip out when someone asks is a perfectly acceptable response and preferred. Especially when Aunty Tiffany is gifting you feminine church clothes when you're t-masc and it's just going to sit there for months unused, or Grandpa gets you another one of those walmart spa kits when $10 of gas money would have been much more helpful.

A lot of gifts are often unwanted, sit there unused out of guilt or are thrown away. This will help YOU as much as it helps to cut back on waste. Most stores cannot put a lot of returned gifts back out on shelves, especially holiday-themed ones. Holidays are one of the most wasteful times of the year.

I have some posts about dumpster diving and waste and talking about how you should donate unwanted gifts but seriously pls pls pls make a list. It does not have to be expensive or extravagant, it just needs to be something you know you will use. Put some $5 cute pens on there with the bunnies at the end or something.

#i used to hate making lists because i felt so guilty but then it just got worse because i was still gifted things that i never used #and it was so wasteful #and then i started like putting stuff like pens and paper and a gas card or a new pillow and suddenly its not wasteful anymore #sara shush #holidays #christmas

[almea]

#RWBY #Blake Belladonna #Yang Xiao Long #Bumbleby #rwby spoilers #This feels kind of inappropriate and I'm sorry #But I can't stop thinking about how Blake is the one reason Yang's still standing after she saw the literal worst thing in the world happen #I just felt extremely guilty the entire time I was making this #I'm still Processing everything else #Legitimately do not know if I can rewatch the episode right now without throwing up #otp: with every smile you told me i love you #For my own tagging purposes #It was a mistake to change my tag for them to something so disgustingly sweet

[thranduel]

some thoughts about astarion because i'm tired of the internet reducing him to one thing

when bg3 came out in early access, astarion was always seen as the extremely flirty, confident guy who enjoyed sex (or so we thought) and spoke about it like it was his favourite thing. he was also kinda marketed as the “sexy vampire”, so you can understand why many people saw him that way based on the little amount of content we had. even while playing act 1 and act 2, many players still might think of him like that because he does have a very charismatic personality and he asks to sleep with you very early on, so it just automatically makes you think he’s genuinely happy doing that and being totally serious.

BUT!!!!!!! we end up finding out later on that’s NOT the case and it was all part of a plan to seduce us in order for him to gain protection. he opens up about his past and his trauma and how he was forced to use his body to lure people back to cazador. he struggles with intimacy and relationships in general because of this. that’s why i really hope that people stop reducing him to “hot sexy vampire that loves flirting and having sex with everyone” when that is not who he is, he’s literally traumatised because of sex due to being forced into it and he’s slowly trying to heal. he’s also so much more than just “the hot vampire”, ya know? if you actually put in the effort to get to know him, you will see who he truly is underneath and he has many loveable traits to appreciate.

you may not see the “soft” side of him very often because he hides it, but it’s there!! one thing i noticed that really stood out to me was that when i gave food to an orphan in act 3 and he approved. back when you first met him, he probably would’ve done the opposite or had no reaction at all. i also saw a clip of someone trying to romance karlach and astarion and he literally told tav to choose karlach over him because he can see that karlach loves her. he said normally an arrangement would work for him but after everything karlach has been through, he doesn’t want to get in the way or see her hurt. letting tav go is also hard for him as well but he still thought about someone else. he could’ve whined or been possessive or jealous but he didn’t do that at all. where are all those people who reduce astarion to “the guy that flirts and sleeps with everyone” now? seriously. that’s not what he does, and when he was forced into it by cazador, he was trying to survive, he didn’t do it for his own pleasure. it’s not a “hot” personality trait of his, it’s literally trauma. and because he did it so much, he got used to it, and that resulted in him disassociating and feeling empty.

apparently if you ask him to join you and sleep with the drows at the brothel (something i will never make him do in my playthroughs), he only says yes because he struggles to say no. but he disassociates. and if you’re in a high approval relationship with him and he loves you, he will feel safe enough to express his feelings and say he’s not comfortable. this happens before you fight cazador. i’m not sure if he gives the same response after, but either way, if he joins in, he will always disassociate and it’s not something he wants to do despite what he may say.

that being said, it’s obviously still okay to appreciate his beauty and attractiveness, because he is very beautiful. he appreciates it and even likes being called beautiful. calling him “hot” and “sexy” isn’t a bad thing either, we know he can be and i'm sure he knows it too! it’s just annoying when people act like that’s ALL he is and they don’t even mention anything else about his character. the love scenes are beautifully done too (i personally prefer the second one after you’ve stopped him from doing the ritual, because that’s the one where he decided he truly wanted it and felt safe and comfortable because he genuinely loves you), and i actually would’ve been fine if they didn’t have any scenes like that at all because it’s totally understandable and valid if he didn’t feel comfortable, but i just hope that people don’t take things too far and over-sexualise him just because of how he appeared to be in the first half of the game and the way he’s often marketed on social media. and yes i know he’s fictional and nothing on the internet is going to hurt his feelings!!!! it’s more about the fact that he canonically has sexual trauma and many people still say really disturbing stuff even AFTER they find out about that, and it just makes me uncomfortable to think that people are okay with treating someone like a sexual object especially when they've said they're traumatised and it makes them uncomfortable. idk if this makes sense 😭

but yeah he doesn't want to flirt and sleep with everyone as i've seen people claim. and if in an alternate universe he did, and he did it on his OWN terms, and the other people he had relationships with enjoyed it too, then good for them! absolutely nothing wrong with that if there's consent, respect and honesty. however, that's not the case with what happened with astarion, because 1. he was forced into using his body WHEN HE DID NOT WANT TO and 2. he misled people and lured them to a miserable fate. it's so horrible and devastating for everyone involved. sex was never something fun for him, and it certainly isn't a "personality trait" of his. it was a survival tactic. he was forced to. he didn’t want to.

obviously when he becomes more comfortable, then it's totally understandable to get excited when he flirts and shows physical affection. he can be so charming, funny, sweet and romantic and i love that. it’s so beautiful to see him heal, genuinely find comfort in someone for the first time and experience intimacy that he feels ready and comfortable for. he deserves to love and be loved on his own terms instead of being forced. but again, he is so much more than the guy we were introduced to at the beginning. the internet just sees one thing and sticks with it but i really hope people start to actually appreciate him for who he is and the complexity of his character.

aaaaand i just had to leave this here <3

#astarion #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #sorry for rambling i’ve just been very emotional about him recently 😭 #also i hope people remember that even if he NEVER EVER wanted to have sex again he is 100% valid #he does not have to change or force himself to feel a certain way #especially after everything he’s been through #and if you think he does then you’re gross. he doesn’t owe anyone ANYTHING #anyways #when he kept apologising for not sleeping with tav i wanted to cry #there is literally a scene where if you tell him halsin is interested in you he says it’s ok to go to him #but then he gets concerned and asks if it’s because he hasn’t slept with you for a while #and i wanted to cry #he should NEVER have to feel guilty for that #honestly the only reason why i think he might eventually feel comfortable with sex again is because -> #in act 3 after his genuine love confession after you help him defeat cazador he initiates it himself #and it feels like it’s something he truly wants after developing a strong emotional bond with someone for the first time #and i think that’s really beautiful that he chose to do it on his own terms when he felt ready #but also #for a while i wasn’t sure if he was repulsed and uncomfortable by sex in general and hated it entirely #or if he only feels comfortable after he develops a strong emotional bond #the only reason i think the second one now is because of what happened in act 3 #but regardless whatever it is i just want him to feel safe and comfortable and happy #my posts

[crybaby-bkg]

“Oh, I’m sorry, baby. Want me to kiss it where it hurts?” Kirishima purrs up at you, his place between your thighs seemingly the closest thing he can get to ascension. His eyes are wide, his pupils blown out, any red swallowed up by the lust pooling in his eyes. he looks like the picture of adoration and worship, all faux worry and pure hunger as he bounces between your gaze and the pretty picture that twitches in front of his face. his eyes cross to watch the slick ooze from your hole, sighing.

“It’s the least you could do for me,” you pout to him, running your nails through his soft locks, tugging a little meanly at the root. “After using me like a toy on your cock for so long.” Your words are sighed wistfully, your eyes betraying just how much you want his mouth on you as he wants to taste you. Kiri moans at that, quiet and in the back of his throat, but you hear it none the less.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he repents, but it’s all for naught when his tongue laves over your sensitivity and doesn’t let up until you’re crying from the overstimulation once more. he’s so sorry—that you can only cum so many times before you tap out. he’s so sorry—that your thighs are more sore from tightening up around his head than his working jaw. he’s so sorry—that you’re so addicting, that he can lay between your legs until his last breath leaves him.

#I am so tired #I feel like I say that every time I write in the tags LOL SORRY #but today was so nice and it drained me in the good way lol #anyway I realized today that I don’t write enough for him by himself #and I felt guilty 😔 #he’s just a big guy that doesn’t realize his own strength or stamina #and accidentally uses you like a little toy whenever he’s pent up #and he always tries to make it better with a kiss no matter where it’s at :((( #I love calling him big guy tho it’s my fav nickname #okay gn I sleeb now #—new treat in the streets! 🍫 #kirishima treats! 🍬

[perfectlyfrosty]

Wounded

Greetings, fellow hijackers, I return bearing gifts. Come and get yer daily dose of hijack whump 🙏

#what are backgrounds #make of this what you will #i got no clue what au this is supposed to be #i just felt like drawing it #whump is my guilty pleasure #and hijack are my roman empire #i am not okay #they must suffer cus i love them #hijack #frostcup #jackycup #httyd #rotg #jack frost #hiccup haddock #how to train your dragon #dragons race to the edge #httyd rtte #rise of the guardians #guardians of childhood #hiccup horrendous haddock lll #jackson overland frost #art #my art #digital art #blood #tw blood #blood tw #whump #peppermintspost

[hikkokoro]

I swear if theyre going to release a "SUNS death in VRCHAT" episode right after a normal gaming videos im gonna lose it.

#daycare attendant fnaf #sun and moon show #fnaf security breach #sun fnaf #sams #tsams #moon fnaf #canonically sun would just call for help the second moon picks up #but i just really want him to have this moment of realization #that even if he calls for moons help #moon wont be able to get their in time and he will die either way #so he decides to give moon one last message #BM:Any last words Sunny????! #Sun:Tell Lunar and Earth(+ solar) that i love them #THEN BM FELT GUILTY SO THEY DELIVERED THE MESSAGE TO LUNAR AND EARTH AND SOLAR #one more random thought: #what if they were saving a “SUN is EVIL?? ” episode for when sun gets rebuild??????? #maybe the creator rebuild him for his own advantage #new au alert uh oh

[youngpettyqueen]

you really gotta feel for the nurses in Out of Sight, Out of Mind. like you go to your bestie in the middle of the night like "Hawkeye :( our stove's gone out we're so cold :( come fix our stove please :(" and you're thinking your stove's gonna get fixed and you'll get some fun flirting in and maybe have Hawkeye linger around a bit but no the stove fucking explodes in his face and burns his fucking EYES and you literally spend the next week waiting to find out if he's gonna be permanently blinded because he was trying to fix your stove

#mash #I think about this often like my god the poor nurses can you fucking imagine #they just wanted to be warm for the night and Hawkeye literally gets blinded #we saw a few apologies but can you imagine how guilty they must've felt

[cryptide-travis]

Robo Ky GIFs ripped from ISUKA specifically factory mode

#robo ky #guilty gear #guilty gear isuka #rare i do gifs that often I just felt inclined #flashing #gif

[seahdalune]

Papa Louie fan starter pack

#shitpostdalune #i just found it funny that Papa Louie fans make up so much stuff about their fav characters #(this includes me. i am also guilty of this. look it's kinda fun) #because the best WE'RE GETTING? 3 lines of lore. maybe a holiday photo #the last meme was entirely unplanned but i felt i needed to add a different variety of meme to balance it out #also. doesn't it look like something a player would make? i would not but i know some of you do