#i just had to find out while looking at foggy photos on tumblr??

[thefallenbibliophilequote]

How You Get The Girl

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 10

"Then one day he came back"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 3,586

Warnings: violence, a badly written mission, blood.

A/N: I really hope you like this one! Thank you so much @peterbenjiparker for helping me organize this mess and make sense of the outline! Christy aka @chrissquares made these dividers! and thank you @nacho-bucky for beta reading this!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

Loki listened to the sound of the heavy rain that surrounded the quinjet as they flew towards where you were.

It was too slow for his liking, he didn't want to imagine what they could be doing to you. It was his fault that they took you in the first place, he didn't know why he didn't recognize your Asgardian powers before.

The powers were so protective of you just as he was. Now he hoped it will be enough to protect you from your captives.

He absentmindedly twirled a dagger in his hand, his mind lost with thoughts of you. He could think of a million spells that could have protected you without giving you these powers, but in a state of panic he didn't think and used the oldest most powerful one. With the raging emotions he had he was certain he messed it up somehow and caused you harm.

All he ever tried to do was protect you. You were supposed to be protected after he left you, but instead you got dragged into this dangerous life and it led you here.

He didn't turn around when he felt the heavy hand on his shoulder, Thor's presence beside him was known.

"It's not your fault, you know."

"How can it not be? It was my mistake."

"You were trying to protect her, you couldn't have known."

"I should have known better, I could have done so much better." Loki's voice was as sharp as his blade, but he didn't push Thor away. He must have lost his mind, well in all fairness he is losing his mind thinking about you. "I thought it was the best way to keep her safe when I was gone. Then I left and I didn't take care of the spell well enough."

"Forgive me for asking brother, but if you loved her so much why leave her?" Loki was beyond denying Thor's specific choice of words.

"I left just before your coronation, when it all started. I couldn't drag her into this- and then I fell and years went by and I couldn't come back to her."

Silence took over and the seconds seemed to last an eternity.

"I think she would've accepted you, no matter what you did." Thor replied after a thought, he remembered the way you looked at his brother, he remembered the way you stood up to him and defended Loki against his father in the briefing room. There was no doubt in his mind that you would've stayed for Loki.

Steve leaned his head back against the wall as he sat on the bench of the quinjet; his supersoldier hearing gave his mind things to think about while the Asgardians' conversation died down.

•

Blue.

The tears on your face were cold as they stained your cheeks. Your mind was still foggy.

Five.

You now heard the voice say, it was clearer as your mind woke up.

Airplane.

You felt the pain as they inserted yet another shot of liquid into your body, your mind started to buzz.

"Rusted."

Another shot of electricity went through your body, you felt metallic taste on your tongue and yet you felt your mind relax with each word he uttered.

"Ice."

With every jolt of pain your mind drifted more and more even when you screamed.

"Nineteen."

"No, I don't want this. Stop." You whimpered. It was a method you learned from Tony- in your head you started naming all of your loved ones, thinking about each of them.

There was Tony, and also Natasha, and Wanda, Pietro and Bruce, Bucky, Steve, and now Loki- you let out a scream and opened your eyes again at the pain.

Folklore.

Your voice did no longer make a sound. You were distanced from your own body.

Longing.

You tried shaking your head but you only watched as your body stood still.

Furnace.

Your mind grew foggy as you saw your surroundings. You wanted to break out of it, you had to.

Red.

"Ready to-" you grunted and leaned forward from the chair you were strapped to as much as you could. "No!"

Your eyes flashed purple and you looked straight at the doctor, you saw the moment the pain hit him but before you could really harm him with your powers you felt the spasms of electricity pulling you back.

They stopped after a minute or so, the metallic taste came back.

"You want to play games? We will teach you to listen," he took your chin in his hand and made you look at him. "We will make you a perfect little soldier. Take her to her room."

He commanded and your eyes widened.

"No, please don't put me there, don't do it again." You started crying without noticing the tears.

"You should get a taste of your own medicine, understand what your powers are really for." He chuckled darkly as you got taken into the room.

The minute the door shut behind you the sensations began, you fell to the ground as the energies were sent to you until your eyes were foggy and you fell down into your own brain.

You saw the worst in there, and you couldn't get out of it.

You were tormented by your own powers.

•

Iyllir waited with her parents at the table until Odin arrived without his two sons and sat at the head of the table, she furrowed her brows, "Where are Thor and Loki? Will they not be joining us?"

"No, my dear, they had to go." Odin simply replied before the maids and servants began to serve their food.

"Did something happen?" Iyllir's mother asked.

"I'm afraid that Midgard is causing some problems." Odin sighed and leaned to talk to her parents more while she nibbled on the food that was served, keeping her ears open to the information the Allfather was giving her. "A wicked organization there got their hands on Asgardian technology, and now they got their hands on a girl with Asgardian powers. Of course then, you understand that I couldn't let them use the girl as their weapon- it would be dangerous, so I hope you forgive my sons for being absent as they are trying to find her."

Odin then looked at Iyllir.

"Lady Iyllir, I am certain Prince Loki will be back soon and all will be well." He sent her a smile and she returned it.

Focusing back on her food she felt her blood boiling, she had ordered for them to take it and kill the girl- and they betrayed her. That kind of humiliation will not go unpunished.

Excusing herself, she went back to her room. Some things she will have to do herself.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she said an incantation and a box appeared next to her. Opening it, she took out the old weapon and held onto the hilt of it, feeling the power of the Dainsleif she strutted forward.

She would kill the girl herself if she had to; nothing would be able to stop her now.

•

Steve walked through the quinjet, Thor promised that he isn't causing the weather but it didn't make him less annoyed at the delay the weather provided in landing as they got closer and closer.

He caught the eye of the younger Asgardian who stood at the edge or the vehicle, he remembered putting him seated there when he first fought him in Germany.

He lowered his head and with a breath he started to walk over. Loki studied him as he did, and Steve let him. They stood there in silence until Loki looked back outwards.

"Thank you, for helping me find her. I don't know what I would've done if I couldn't find her."

"I didn't help you find her, I found her- you were no part of it, you actually didn't help at all." Loki replied, before adding, "I did it for me. I cannot bear the idea of her being hurt." He remembered how it used to be.

"Darling?" Loki opened the door with the key you gave him. He was dripping on your carpet but when he saw you he quickly dried himself, magic is always so helpful.

"Are you insane, Loki?" He shrugged. "There is a huge storm outside!"

"It would be ironic if I got struck by lightning, now wouldn't it?" he joked before coming to you, giving you a peck on the lips and then to your forehead to calm down the worried crease that formed there.

"I guess so… from what you told me I wouldn’t be surprised if it was on purpose." You cracked a smile at him.

"Now, what are you doing?" you blushed when he looked behind you to the desk and to the marker you now had in your hands.

"I just… brought a permanent marker from my room." You nodded to him and cringed to yourself when he laughed and moved around you and walked to the table.

"You can't lie to the god of mischief, my love."

"It wasn't a lie!"

"No, but it wasn't the whole truth either." He pointed to the frames on the table.

Your cheeks got warmer by the minute, and so did his amusement.

He picked up a photo and a small smile lit up his face.

It was a picture you took of the two of you, he kissed your cheek as the fairy lights of the fair, which was right by the beach, lit up your surroundings and the water. It was a treasured memory, the view of you glowing in the lights.

You walked to him and took the picture.

"Why did you get it out of your phone?" he asked.

"I want it framed, so I can always see it- you, all around the house when you're not here."

He saw you write down the date it was taken behind the photo before you picked up a gold frame and put it in there.

"That is beautiful, my love." He went and picked up other photos that were scattered on the table. "Can you make one for me too?"

His eyes were soft as he looked at the pictures.

"You have illusions, why would you need a photo?" You questioned.

"I want you, the real you, with me wherever I go. I want more than just an illusion of you."

You walked to him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"You know exactly what to say to get the girl, don't you?" You leaned up to kiss him.

"I only want to get you."

"You have me." You whispered before he captured your lips in a soft kiss again.

He will get you back.

"We will find her." Loki was somewhat comforted by the conviction in Steve's voice. "Together."

And so they stuck together, the god of mischief and the righteous captain America. The team separated when they went through the vast grey warehouse.

No one cared about the body count, this wasn't just another mission and all of them knew that.

So with the gunshot sounds and yells- the god, the captain, and the sergeant made their way forward in search of you.

•

She paid no attention to the wild sounds coming from just outside the door. All Iyllir cared about was her one mission in the room she entered from the shadows.

The agents in the room were focused on transferring the girl who sat on the chair into the room she last saw her in.

"Gather all the stuff up, put her under fast! That will make sure they won't get to her." Doctor Zazu stood next to Commander Iago who was shouting orders.

The doctor organized his work, uncaring of your shaking body that moved as they lifted the seat of the chair to get you out of it.

The commander leaned in and the Lady could hear his whisper.

"I told you your little friends won't get you."

"Fuck you, parrot." You replied and got a harsh slap to your cheek even though you could barely move your head in the metallic chair.

Iyllir stepped forward in the room, her eyes like daggers as she focused on you and the commander.

The agents in the room turned around when they noticed her, guns raised and eyes afraid when they understood who they were pointing at.

"Lady Iyllir-" the commander started to stutter and moved forward, wearing a shaky smile. "We were just-"

"I heard you were building a weapon. We did not agree on that, commander." She awaited his lie.

"She could be very useful- and don't worry, he will not be able to get her. It's a good compromise, we can work it out!"

"Oh mortals are so amusing, betraying me was not a smart move-" she grabbed the hilt and pulled it out. She felt the weight of the power, of the need that was growing inside her. "I'm afraid that we can't back out now."

It was as if the sword acted on its own, seeking blood, and she let it find it.

The sharp edge first pierced the commander's stomach; she pulled out the bloody blade and turned around when she felt other agents try to fight her.

Looking up from the body- she saw you, you were wide awake and aware now, it might have been the power of the sword or her own hatred but she won't let anything stop her from getting what she wanted. You will not be the one to ruin her future, and she was on a time limit when she heard the fighting outside getting closer and closer.

•

Loki threw his daggers at the guy who tried to sneak up on the captain. After he did, he admired the knife throwing skill the sergeant had too before continuing on to find wherever it was that they held you in.

Before long the three located the room they thought you'd be in, Loki used his magic and threw open the two heavy metallic doors and then he saw you, being put inside a see through room. Then he took in the scene in front of him.

Bodies bloody on the floor, almost making a path to where his eyes rested at now.

The Asgardian redhead who he had spent so much time with the past few months stood there stalking towards a man in a lab coat, her royal dress had blood all over it as some still dripped from the sword he now recognized.

"Iyllir?" he called out, confused at the scene. Steve and Bucky came beside him, feeling the tension they stopped and assessed the way to you- down the stairs and through the guards in the big room and into the cell you were trapped in which was in the middle of the room.

"Loki," he saw her eyes widen and for the first time, she didn't look as innocent anymore. "I am so glad you're here-"

He couldn't even hear her when he heard your voice coming through the glass, the tears in your eyes and the half relieved half scared look in your eyes as you shook your head at him, yelling at him to not listen to her.

"The two of you go get her. I will deal with the girl."

He went towards the left then and the two supersoldiers went to the right, agents came their way but Steve knew nothing will stop him from getting to you.

The doctor took his chance to complete his work once Iyllir was occupied with Loki. He spoke in a loud voice at Y/N.

"Blue."

"No!" You screamed but her voice was hoarse.

"Five."

Bucky heard the chant and his eyes focused on the girl behind the glass and the doctor who held a notebook.

"No, this isn't happening again." He decided, knowing the effect of the words. In a silent conversation with Steve, he went in a different way

"Airplane."

Loki stepped up to Iyllir, trying to assess her.

"What are you doing here?" he watched her smile at him. "Do not lie."

His voice was dark now. He didn't know why she was here, but he trusted you, and more so the fear in your voice.

Iyllir studied the man in front of her for a moment before replying.

"Tell me Loki, did you ever feel that the throne of Asgard should be yours? I know that you did." She advanced towards him, still with a smile. "We can do so much you and I, we are very much alike. Why abandon that dream of yours? We can still make it happen.

Why abandon that dream when you know you'll make a great king, and I a queen?"

"Rusted." You shut your eyes and shook your head.

"That's not my dream anymore. This is wrong, Iyllir did you do this?" he saw his wand lying on the table just a few feet behind her.

"This is right Loki!" she swung her hand up in the air alongside the sword. "We had fun you and I, you can't deny it. So forget about her, think about your future- don't you want everyone to see how great you could be? I am your way forward, I'm your future, and I can get you that."

"Ice." You didn't pound on the glass anymore, your mind was hazy.

"I do not need that, I don't want that-" he raised his own daggers. "And I do not want you."

Her eyes shifted then when he started attacking forward.

•

"Nineteen."

Bucky shot another agent, moving forward and he saw Steve trying to get to the room.

"Folklore."

Steve looked at you, heaving your breath, still standing. You refused to meet his stare, you were so strong before, never bowing down to any outside influences, and now here you were.

"Longing."

The doctor's voice was shaking as Loki let his magic loose, Bucky rattled on the stairs he descended to get a good shot at the doctor. Your mind heard the word clearly though.

Loki held a dagger in one hand, and in the other he conjured spells. A green energy blast was shot towards Iyllir, she dodged it and sizzles and sparks flew when it hit a machine instead. Getting closer, she aimed the sword at him again.

"We could've been so powerful."

"You're not powerful, the weapon in your hand is. Do not be mistaken." He tilted his head and summoned a longer spear out of thin air.

"Furnace."

Bucky aimed his shot once he was in the clear. The room shook again, thunder booming outside, as he fired a shot, and then the doctor fell down to the ground.

Steve knocked the guy that came from his left with his shield, effectively clearing his path to the door of the strange room you were held in. He saw your hazed form falling to the floor. You tried to get up to Steve, but you almost fell. You pointed backwards but he paid no attention where you were pointing to.

With his shield he broke the handle and took down the entire door.

Once he was inside, he felt ringing in his ears and a light pressure fell upon him. He couldn't imagine what they were doing to you inside it.

You kept pointing backwards but he just pulled you up and carried you out of there.

"Steve, it's the-" you fought to stay up and aware.

"It's okay, you're safe now." He assured you but you shook your head.

"They are using the-" You couldn't finish your sentence as Steve took you up the stairs.

"Red." You heard the voice loudly and then as you felt waves of hurt crash into you, your mind sunk deeper and deeper and you fell to the ground with a scream, Steve catching you just in time.

The doctor held the wand in his hand, still bleeding out.

"Hail Hydra!" he sneered at Bucky, who turned to him and raised a new gun.

"Hail this," Bucky shot a magazine of bullets at him, his anger leaving no room for remorse. Bucky ran back to where you were with Steve.

Loki watched as you fell to the ground, his heart thudded in fright at the scream you let out. In a momentary of shock, he heard Iyllir laugh and he let out a small huff as the sword pierced through his side.

"See Loki, she wasn't worth it, now she's gone for good." Her smile was sickly. Loki noticed his wand on the floor next to the dead doctor.

His rage resumed as he fell to the ground reaching for it. Once the staff was once again in his grasp after all this time, the room shone with green light as he aimed the wand at Iyllir. The shot of magic he let out in the air hit her and left her breathless. She could feel pain in every cell in her body, she shook a bit before her skin turned as grey as ash and she fell to the ground.

Loki used the staff to get up and he rushed over to you, forgetting the wound in his stomach, you lay down against Steve, who was the only thing holding you up.

His hand was shaky as he cupped your cheek.

"Y/N?" he called to you but all he saw were your glazed eyes, a single tear escaped from them, running down your cheek.

And he knew- you were not with them anymore.

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

#my writing #how you get the girl #1989 #loki x reader #loki #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson #loki x you #loki x female reader #loki angst #angst #1989 taylor's version #loki imagine #loki fanfiction #fanfiction #loki fanfic #mcu #marvel #taylor swift #loki series #loki show

[adventuresindolls]

May Photo Challenge!!

Our next photo challenge, #Daisies and Daffodolls, will begin on May 1st! It’s a creative, for fun, non-competitive daily challenge for you to share pictures of your doll(s). There will be a new prompt each day, listed below to give you a month to prepare, and you can participate in as many or as few days as you’re interested in. There is no judgement whatsoever, so please share regardless of how complex your props are, and don’t worry about posting a prompt late.

First of all, thank you so much to @desertdollranch​ for helping with the prompts, especially those surrounding AG birthdays and holidays, and for getting this whole photo challenge thing started back in September! And a huge thank you to @lesbianelizabethcole​ for designing all 5 banners!

The ground rules are the same as in October and December, but I’ll reiterate them for anyone that might be new. Tag all of your prompt posts with #daisies and daffodolls - all three words, complete with spaces. This will allow us to better find and share each other’s posts. You can organize your own posts however you want, but I recommend including the day’s prompt somewhere for context. Also feel free to post on other social medias if you want.

This is not a competition, and there are no prizes, but it should be a lot of fun. Feel free to use any size and brand of doll that you have! American Girl is very popular on doll tumblr, but all other types are welcome as well, including both established (historical or modern) characters and OCs. This could range from 18-inch dolls to Barbies to handmade dolls or porcelain dolls or even paper dolls.

I’ll reblog this post weekly until the beginning of May, and then begin each week of May with the prompt list for that week. Please find a list of all prompts below the cut.

5/1: The first day of each photo challenge is traditionally for seasonal fashion. Does your doll have a favorite spring outfit? Is it cool and light, or are they still bundled in a sweater for the chilly mornings?

5/2: Spring is all about new beginnings. Is your doll learning a new skill or trying a new activity this spring? Or maybe they just met a new person who became important in their life?

5/3: Today is National Textiles Day. Kirsten’s friends gave her a quilt they made after she missed school to help her family. Does your doll have any clothes or other items that are handmade? If not, do they make any textile items themselves? This could be something sewn, knitted, crocheted, or quilted.

5/4: May the 4th be with you! Does your doll like Star Wars? Who is their favorite character? What about other stories? Pick a hero from any movie, show, or book that your doll loves and have them act out a scene as that character.

5/5: Friends are forever. Who are your doll’s closest friends and what do they do together? Maybe they like to play board games or go to the mall or play pretend. Or maybe your doll is planning something special for their friend.

5/6: As the weather gets warmer, it’s the perfect time to head outside. Does your doll play sports, or do they prefer casual games with their friends? Maybe they like picnics or quiet hikes through the woods.

5/7: Happy birthday, Maryellen! Maryellen often feels overlooked in her large family, and she works hard to stand out and show her unique personality. What makes your doll special and unique?

5/8: It’s career day! What does your doll want to do when they grow up? Show them dressed up for and/or acting out their dream job.

5/9: Happy Mother’s Day! Addy and her mother escaped to freedom together, Caroline’s mother ran a shipyard, and Kirsten’s mother encouraged her not to lose heart. Does your doll have a special bond with their mother? How do they celebrate Mother’s Day? If they don’t have a mother or don’t have a good relationship with her, consider today a free space to show us something you really want to but that isn’t included in these prompts.

5/10:  Bugs are everywhere! We might avoid some of them, but others are welcomed. Lightning bugs, ladybugs, bumble bees, and dragonflies are a few happy spring bugs. Show your doll doing something bug-themed. They might take a net out to catch bugs or draw a picture of a bug or hold a ladybug they found. Be creative!

5/11: Parties are always fun! Is your doll going to any birthday parties or sleepovers this spring? Maybe they’re attending a wedding or some other celebration? What are their favorite party activities?

5/12:  Spring weather can be a relief after the cold and darkness of winter. What is the weather like where your doll is? Foggy? Rainy? Bright and sunny? Show your doll interacting with their local spring weather.

5/13: Everyone needs mentors and heroes. Who does your doll look up to? What have they learned from them or how do they honor them?

5/14: It’s the last day of the school year. What’s your doll’s favorite extracurricular activity or aspect of school that they’ll miss until next fall?

5/15: Happy birthday, Luciana! Luciana loves learning about space and wants to be an astronaut and go to Mars one day. Getting to space involves studying many different things, particularly various fields of science. Show your doll doing something related to space or science.

5/16: Today is National Do Something Nice for your Neighbor Day. What does your doll do that helps others or makes the world a better place?

5/17: Let’s try something different today! If your (OC or non-AG) doll had their own American Girl-style book series, what would be the central theme? What sort of things would happen to them? Show us at least one scene from this hypothetical series.

5/18: Beaches and swimming are iconic activities as the weather gets warmer and people have more free time. Rebecca and her family went to Coney Island for a picnic. Does your doll enjoy picnics, sunbathing, or sandcastles on the beach? Maybe they like to swim for exercise or hang out at the pool with friends? (I do not recommend putting your doll in a public chlorine pool)

5/19: Happy Birthday, Kit! Growing up seeing the effects of the Great Depression on people around her, Kit is determined to report on important things happening to real people. How does your doll relate to current events? Are they involved in activism or spreading awareness? Is there an important social issue that affects them personally or that they feel is very important? Or is there something good happening in the world that they like to think about?

5/20: Spring is a great time for tea parties. What’s in your doll’s teacup? Maybe they’re drinking a fancy tea, or maybe they prefer a refreshing glass of juice.

5/21: Spring is full of baby animals. Show your doll interacting with some sort of baby animal. (Safely! Please don’t grab a real squirrel or bunny!)

5/22: In December we celebrated Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day. I’d like to reprise that, but with a twist: this time, we’re headed into the future! The amount of time and what your doll finds in the future is completely up to you. What do they do while there?

5/23: Cakes and pies and ice cream, oh my! What is your doll’s favorite dessert?

5/24: There may be fewer holidays in spring than in December, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing to celebrate! Does your doll celebrate Passover or Easter? Or maybe they prefer a more obscure spring holiday to liven things up? Show them participating in whatever celebration you like.

5/25: Yellow is the color of flowers and sunny days and ducklings. Show your doll wearing or using something yellow.

5/26: Happy birthday, Samantha! After her birthday party, Samantha hears Aunt Cornelia speak at a suffragette meeting in New York City. What is a cause that is important to your doll? Show them with a sign supporting or protesting something close to their heart. As an added challenge, use a cause unrelated to the current events prompt.

5/27: It’s summer vacation! What are some of your doll’s favorite activities now that they’re free from school? Alternatively, what are some of their favorite hobbies to do anytime?

5/28: Happy birthday, Cecile! For her birthday, Cecile’s brother Armand gave her a beautiful porcelain doll that looked like her. Does your doll have a favorite doll or toy?

5/29: Late spring and early summer is a great time to go on a road trip or vacation. Where is your doll traveling to, and what are they doing there? Or maybe their family chose a staycation this year - what new fun new things are they discovering close to home?

5/30: Today is National Water a Flower Day. Show your doll interacting with flowers or other plants.

5/31: What is your doll planning for this fall? What are they looking forward to when school starts again? Is a big change approaching as the seasons and leaves turn? What does the future hold for them?

#Daisies and Daffodolls #American Girl Dolls #Our Generation #dollblr

[cilldaracailin]

Somebody to Love

Hello my Tumblr Lovelys :)

Hope everyone is well. How lovely are the photos of Taron for his upcoming project Blackbird?

Anywhoo, here is the next part in this series. Thank you so much to all the lovely comments, love and followers. :)

Suze xx

PS the story pictures are back :)

9

“Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.”

Taron was thankful for the softness of the sofa and the warmth of the break room as his body slowly warmed up as he sat. He still longed for a jumper to cover his arms so sat with his arms folded around himself. The pain killers he had been given had definitely eased any little pain he had been previously feeling but he still only had one thing on his mind and that was Robyn. He had been tempted a few times to get up and make himself a coffee but he wasn’t too sure if his stomach was ready for that yet so stayed sitting on the couch. A few staff had come in and out to get a drink and although they glanced his way, acknowledged him with a wave or hello which he returned, other than that they didn’t bother him at all. The peace Andy had given him by letting him in the break room was a dream and he continued to sit on the couch for another while, just sitting with his eyes closed.

After some time, he sat up a little rolling his neck and saw Robyn’s bag beside him on the sofa. A long yawn moved through his body and he looked to his arm to check the time, only then remembering his watch was back in his trailer. Reaching for Robyn’s bag, he routed for his phone and pulled it out. Looking into the screen, the phone unlocked, the brightness hurting his eyes at first. Waiting for his eyes to adjust, he then looked back and found it hard to believe it was near seven in the morning. With no windows in the break room and having left the ambulance in the dark and been inside the hospital since then, he wouldn’t have known if it was bright outside and didn’t think it was so early in the morning. Time still had no meaning to him and he tried to do some quick calculations but it was hard with a foggy head. He figured he really had only been in the hospital for less than four hours. His head was thinking surely that was enough time to find out was wrong with Robyn, to have an answer but he was still waiting.

Needing a quick distraction, he went straight for his gallery, going through his photos one by one, pausing on each one of Robyn, feeling his heart beat a little harder as he scrolled the whole way back to the first time he had ever taken a photo of himself and Robyn together. He still cringed at his bruised face but his wince turned to a small smile as he stared at Robyn’s grin as he kissed her cheek. She had been such a strong rock in his life over the last year and he was always so thankful for her love, sassiness and friendship. Flicking back through his photos, they told their story from the last year and he loved everyone and every minute they had spent together. Stopping at the one from Mari’s birthday, the group one of his family with Robyn, he had to choke back the tears that were so easy to form in his eyes.

Closing the gallery, he pulled up the phone’s keypad. It was still so hard not to contact her mam but had promised the doctor he would wait, so instead he quickly dialled in his own mother’s phone number, hoping she would answer considering it was so early on Saturday morning. The call rang nine times and he closed his eyes as the tenth echoed in his ear, waiting for the voice mail to come through.

“Taron!”

He sat up when he heard his mam’s voice, granted a tired voice, but she had answered the call.

“Hey mam.”

“Love, there isn’t a time difference at the moment, you know that right?”

“Yeah mam I know.”

“And I always love to hear from you.”

“Mam…”

“But Taron it is near half seven in the morning on a Saturday.”

“Robyn in the hospital mam. She was brought in by ambulance because she was fell and hit her head and was unconscious and I am waiting to hear how she is.” Saying the words out loud were so incredibly hard and he couldn’t help the whimper that followed. He sat forward on the couch, his head in his free hand.

“Taron, love…” Tina could hear her son breaking down and sat up in the bed, feeling Guy move as he woke up, sitting behind her. “Oh Taron.”

Holding himself so strong while having had no one to talk and being alone had been hard for him, on hearing his mam’s voice, on finally saying the words out loud that Robyn was in hospital, Taron’s whole body shook silently as his anxiety drove down on him. He had never been more desperate for a hug, for someone just to wrap their arms around him and comfort him. Being back in a hospital was terrifying and everything had quickly taken a horrible turn for him. His body was shaking again and he was struggling to take some air in.

“Taron I am right here love. You need to breathe for me.”

He gave a nod into the phone but still craved two arms around him. Knowing they weren’t coming any time soon, he had to get himself out of his own panic. Breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, the air quickly circulated around his body and while his head was still in his hand, he could feel himself coming down from his discomfort. His mam kept repeating words of encouragement to him, his step-dad chiming in too. It was only a few seconds but the sudden strike of fear was exhausting and horrible.

“Taron? Taron, love, are you ok? Taron?”

“Mam, yeah.. ok.”

“Take a few more for me love.” Tina had been on the end of the phone with her son like this before and knew he could calm himself down but hated so much not being there with him. The panic attacks normally came from the pressure he put on himself under to get his job perfect but this panic came from a completely different place and she was so scared he wouldn’t be able to get through to him as he cried over the woman he loved so much. “Great Taron. Just one or two more love.”

The coaching from his mam was the best he could have hoped for at the moment and having her encourage and coax him along the way was comforting to him and it had been enough to get in control of his whole body. “Thank you mam.”

“Taron, you ok love?”

“No.” He answered honestly. “Not one bit.” He moved to sit up on the couch, giving his back a stretch. His body had been was crippled with tension and he needed to loosen himself up but it was hard to do so. “Robyn’s in the hospital mam.”

“Tell me what happened.”

Taron talked through the last two days with his mam, detail after detail in his words as he explained everything, even going back to their last weekend together and how she hadn’t been feeling great. When he got to the part of his story about how he got stuck under the water by his belt, the inhale from his mother was loud but he continued to speak, finishing as quick as he could. “And now I am sitting here waiting to find out how she is.”

“I knew some day the under-water work would end in trouble for you. I knew it!” Tina exclaimed.

“Mam I am fine. Had a thorough check over.”

“And Robyn… again…”

“Yeah I know.” Taron said sadly. “I just haven’t heard anything and I am so worried mam. What if…”

“Taron don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

“Mam…”

“Until you have heard back from Robyn’s doctor, you will not let your mind wander or think the worse. The hospital staff know what they are doing.”

“I know that. It has just been so long since she was wheeled away.”

“Can you ask anyone to find out how she is?”

“I did. They have no news.”

“Ok well as much as I hate to say it, no news is good news and she is in the best place at the moment.” Tina heard the half-choked breath he took. “Taron you know how strong Robyn is. She has been through a lot worse and been in your position too.”

“I doubt she had a full-blown panic attack in the doctors staff room.”

“I do believe she had Richard with her so someone to lean on and talk too. You are alone. Makes it a lot harder and you were awake when you were wheeled away from her. Is there anyone from set who can come and sit with you?”

Taron shook his head. “I don’t want to cause a scene at the hospital.”

“You shouldn’t be alone Taron.”

“Technically I am not…”

“Taron…”

“Being positive mam.”

“I know love. She will ok, back giving you a head massage very soon.”

A tiny smile filled his face. “I haven’t had one of those in so long.”

“She will be back in your arms soon Taron.” Tina looked at Guy who was sitting right beside her, his chin on her shoulder. “Love, do you think maybe you need to have a little conversation with her soon? You two really deserve so much more than, well what you have now.”

A long heavy sigh filled Taron’s lungs as he threw himself back on the couch. “Mam…”

“I just know how you both feel and…” Tina felt a little dig from her husband and she knew she had to change the subject. “When you are with her when she wakes up, give her a huge hug from me ok?”

“Yeah mam I will.”

“Taron why don’t you put your head down, close your eyes, maybe try to get some sleep? You have been awake for an awfully long time. I am sure you are exhausted.”

“No, I want to be ready for when the doctor comes back to me about Robyn.”

“They will wake you love but then I guess the hospital chairs aren’t very comfortable.”

“The doctor who looked after me is letting me wait in their staff room. Wanted to give me some privacy.” He looked up as the door opened and another Doctor walked in, going straight to the coffee pot. “Some fans…” Taron didn’t need to finished the sentence to hear his mother go off on a rant, his whole heart lifting as she threw a few curse words in too. “Mam, mam! It’s ok. One of the nurses gave them a piece of their mind.”

“Well good. The cheek of some people.”

“They thought I was filming.”

“I don’t care what they thought.” Tina fumed.

“Mam, I am perfectly safe in the break room.” He watched the doctor leave as quick as he came in. “No one has come near me. Promise. I am literally just waiting here until I know about Robyn.”

Hearing Robyn’s name softened Tina’s tone and she sighed. “I am sure you will hear soon.”

“Hopefully.” His single word became muffled as he yawned. “Shit I am tired.”

“Love please even close your eyes and rest. Robyn is going to need you when she wakes up.” Tina paused. “You are ok right?”

“Yes mam, I am all good. Like I said, full examination. Just waiting on some chest x-ray results but the doctor is really happy. Better than my last visit to a hospital.” He said quietly.

“You should ring someone and get them to come sit with you. Taron it’s not just being worried about Robyn that has you in knots. I am sure being in the hospital itself had you on edge.”

“It’s not great but I will be ok.”

“Taron…” Tina heard him yawn again and didn’t want to upset him by pestering him some more. “Lay back and get some rest. Close your eyes and try to sleep. Listen to some music. You will be back with her in no time.”

“Thank you mam.”

“Taron chin up, mate.”

“Yeah thanks Guy.” Taron took his phone away from his ear and glanced at the battery. “Mam, as much as I don’t want to stop talking to you, I want to save my battery.”

“Yeah of course, of course Taron. Love, just call me if you need too though ok? I am right here for you.”

“I know mam, thank you.”

“I love you.”

“Love you more.”

Ending the call, Taron dropped the phone on the couch and ran his two hands through his hair, down his face and gave a shiver. While he could feel the warmth and love coming down the phone from his mam and it was needed badly, it couldn’t compare to a proper warm hug. The conversation had been good for him in a way and to have actually said the words out loud definitely helped him come properly to terms with the fact that Robyn was laying in the hospital somewhere. It didn’t mean it was easy to think about though. His mam’s idea suggestion of listening to music was rolling in the back of his head and it was always something he turned too when he was tense.

Picking up Robyn’s bag, he dropped his phone back in and then routed through it, praying she had them in it and he pulled out the wireless earphone case. “Please be in here.” He said out loud to himself opening the case and seeing the two black ear phones inside, he thanked Robyn for her constant need for music at all times. He took out her phone and unlocked it using the code, and went straight for her Spotify. While he had his own favourite playlist and artists he listened too depending on his mood, there was one playlist he really needed to hear right now and it was on Robyn’s phone. Fixing the ear pods in, he pressed them on and he clicked play on the first song and a sweet gentle melody filled his ears. Looking to his right, there was a cushion at the arm rest of the chair that looked like a good place to rest his head for a while. He kicked off the white shoes and laying on his right side, curled up as small as he could to keep his heat in, keeping Robyn’s phone in his hand in front of his face. He made sure her bag was behind his back to keep it safe and nuzzled a little into the cushion under his head, trying to get comfortable. He was starting to understand why she loved her piano playlist so much and why she found it always calmed her down. The music was mellow and soothing and very easy to listen to. Perfect for his troubled mind, his closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the music in his ears, rather than anything else swirling round his head.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Doctor Lee placed the clipboard at the end of the bed and took a look at her patient. It had been the blood work that had confirmed her initial suspicions of what was wrong with Robyn as she did her preliminary checks. Walking towards the top of the bed, she fixed the blanket that was falling off the side of the bed tucking it in.

“When that IV has gone through, we’ll do another one Vicky.” She directed to the nurse on the opposite side of the bed. “And let’s keep these curtains closed at all times ok?” Doctor Lee nodded to the pale green curtains which currently shut tight around Robyn’s space in the ward. “I am going to go and get her friend and I want them both to have some proper privacy.”

“Sure Doctor Lee.” The nurse nodded her way.

“If she wakes when I am gone, ask her about her pain. You can give her some more pain relief if you think might need if any.”

“Yeah of course I will. I will watch over her.”

“Thanks Vicky.” Turning on her heels and carefully going through the corner of the closed curtains, making sure to tug them together again once she had left Robyn’s cubicle. She headed out of the four-bed ward, walking towards the lift. Once down a floor, she headed for the nurse’s station, leaning on the counter, waiting for the nurse to finish filling in the chart she was working on.

“Hey Catriona.” The nurse said once he lifted his head.

“Jude, Andy around?”

The nurse shook his head. “In with a patient.”

“I don’t suppose you know where one of his other patients is? Taron? He would have come in about eight hours ago?”

Jude nodded. “Yeah, he’s in the break room down the corridor.”

“The break room?” The doctor asked standing up, placing her hands flat on the counter.

“Taron was bothered by some people on his way back from x-ray so Andy wanted to give him a place to sit where he wouldn’t be hassled.”

“Shit really?”

Jude nodded. “Yeah some girls nearly jumped him, asking for photos.”

“Jesus, in the hospital?”

“Yeah. Freya gave them a piece of her mind.” Jude grinned.

“Of course she did. Good. That man doesn’t need any of that on top of the unease he was already feeling.”

“Yep that’s what Andy thought too so he brought him to the break room to give him some privacy.”

“Good. It will give him some peace and quiet.” Catriona stepped away from the counter. “You got Taron’s x-ray results?”

“Nope. Freya gave them to Andy himself.”

“Perfect Which room is he in now?”

Jude swung around his chair and looked at the board behind him. “Exam room seven.”

“Thanks.”

“No worries.”

Following the corridor in the direction she had been walking, Doctor Lee came to exam room seven and knocked gently on the door.

“Yeah come in.”

Catriona, slightly opened the door and popped her head around. Andy gave her a smile. “Hey Doctor Lee.”

“Hi. I am going to go and see Taron but I hear you have his x-ray results. Want me to pass them on to him for you.”

“Please. That would be great. Just been so swamped from the ER to get back to him.” He wheeled his chair over to the desk and picked up the folder Freya had given him a while ago, sliding his chair over to the door, handing them to her. “He’s all clear. I thought there might have been fluid in his lungs considering he was stuck under water and had been coughing when he came in but he’s all good.”

“Great. Glad to hear.”

“He’s in the break room.”

“Yeah Jude was telling me.”

“Freya told me that he was pestered by some girls on the way back from x-ray. She said it really made him tense up so I just wanted him to be able to sit somewhere and not be disturbed.”

Catriona sighed a little. “Hard life.”

“Yes indeed but he’s a cool guy. Just worried. I hope he lay down and got some rest. He looked wrecked” He looked at Catriona. “How is Robyn?”

“She will be just fine. I am going to tell him now along with his own good news.”

“He will be very happy to hear that.”

“I think so. Thanks Andy.”

“No worries.”

Closing the door, Catriona made her way back down the corridor, past the nurse’s station and into the break room. It was empty and it took her a minute to find Taron, finally seeing him on the couch, covered in a blanket, fast asleep. She walked to the table and dropped the folder with his x-ray on it, making her way towards the couch. She knelt on the rug and took in his very tired features. He definitely wasn’t the first person to sleep on the couch and he wouldn’t be the last. He held a phone in his hand in front of his face and she could see the ear phone in his ears, hearing some classical music faintly playing. The man who had walked into the ER earlier had been flustered and very nervous and now as he slept, his face and body were slightly more relaxed, though she could see he was curled up very tight under the blanket. She absolutely hated waking him but he had been so adamant to know how Robyn was and finally getting a full diagnosis, Doctor Lee wanted to be the one to tell him herself. She very gently placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a very gentle shake.

“Taron?”

“No, can’t be time already.” He murmured.

“Taron?” The doctor added a little rub to his shoulder.

He turned a little, squishing his face into the cushion under his head, groaning as he was shaken again. “Ugh no…”

“Taron? It’s Doctor Lee.” His head lifted from the couch and she saw him blink a few times as he woke. “Hey. You got some sleep. Good. Andy will be happy to know that. Said you were looking a bit tired.”

It took Taron a few more blinks to gather his senses and once he did and realised Robyn’s doctor was crouched beside him, he sat up quickly, his hands going to his head as the floor spun a little.

“Take it easy.” The doctor said to him, gipping his shoulder a little harder to keep his steady.

“Robyn…” Taron felt something fall from his body and realised a blanket had been thrown over him and was now tumbling down his back. He pulled the two ear phones from his ears and stared at the doctor. “How is Robyn?” He asked, trying to keep his voice strong.

Doctor Lee gave his shoulder a very gentle squeeze. “She is ok.” She quickly picked up on the doubt in his face, the worry in his eyes and gave his shoulder a harder squeeze. “I promise you that she is ok.”

Taron’s whole body turned, and then sagged forward on the couch, his hands going to his face, his body lifting and falling in quiet cries as he took those three words in. Robyn was ok. Emotions were running everywhere and he squeezed his eyes shut, digging his fingers into his eyes to try and stop any more tears from falling. His body was trembling and he was finding it very hard to compose himself again. It was news he had been waiting for and he was so relieved to know she was ok but had also been expecting the worse and was overcome with everything that had happened over the last couple of hours.

“Ok Taron, it’s ok.” Doctor Lee was expecting a reaction from the young man who came in with her patient and this was one she had seen many times before. She reached around him to cover him with the blanket and then crouched in front of him again and placed her two hands on his knees. “Take your time.”

The slight touch from the doctor was very welcomed and Taron was telling his brain to get his body to relax and it took him a few seconds before he could take his hands from his face. “She really is ok?” He asked again.

Doctor Lee nodded. “She is going to be just fine. Can I sit?” He nodded and she took a place on the couch beside him. “Before I get to Robyn, Andy wanted me to tell you that your chest x-ray came back all clear so that is definitely some good news. Now Robyn…” Doctor Lee turned so she could face him. “I don’t want to overwhelm you with a lot of medical information so I will keep it as simple as I can. Robyn is anaemic and when she came to us, was severely anaemic. All the signs were there, especially when Kathy told us her history from what you had told her. The tiredness, headaches, weakness, dizzy spells, all signs of anaemia. We did our own blood work here for her and her red blood cell count was very low, another sign to help us understand what was wrong. When I did a physical examination, I could see it myself. Cold hands and feet, along with bruises on her skin.”

“Her hands are always cold and she bruises so easily. I mean could she bump into something and be black. Her hand got caught in the gate at her work before and her hand was so horribly bruised.”

Doctor Lee nodded. “It is such a simple sign that no one really takes too much note off. I mean everyone bruises right? So once we knew what was wrong, we have been able to treat it. She was quite dehydrated too so along with her IV drip, I have given her some iron through her IV which will immediately help build back up those red blood cells straight away and I can already see a change in her. Her colour has picked up, her body temperature is rising and she is responsive to all the tests I have done on her. When she wakes up, I will chat to her about other things we can do to keep her iron levels up.”

“She hasn’t woken up yet?” Taron asked, his eyes widening, feeling his heart starting to race.

“Please don’t worry Taron.” Assured the doctor. “Her body has been through a lot over the last few weeks and is tired. Very tired. She will wake up. I have full confidence in that.”

“She hit her head…”

“And we did a full CT scan and it came back clear. It is the anaemia that has really floored her Taron.”

“I knew I should have gotten Lucy to look at her, the medic on set. This could have all been avoided if I had of just made Robyn go and get Lucy to look at her properly before any of this happened. I mean I knew she wasn’t well yesterday and I just ignored it and…”

“Taron, no.” Doctor Lee, shuffled closer to him. “I don’t want you thinking like that. Anaemia is something that can be lingering in the background for a long time before it comes forth but Robyn’s symptoms were like the flu, a cold or just being run down. The headaches and dizziness are signs of so many conditions. I really need to speak to her myself to get a better idea of a few things, like her diet, her menstrual cycle, her day-to-day activities.” Doctor Lee waited for the man beside her to wince as she spoke about one particular womanly thing but his face didn’t change at all. “So many things can lead to anaemia and like I said, she could have been anaemic for a very long time and not known it. It is something that is so easy to look after and be aware off once it has been diagnosed and it won’t affect her life at all. She might have to make some changes, maybe look after herself a bit better but she will be absolutely fine. She is a very strong woman and will be back on her feet very soon.”

“Really fine?”

“Yes Taron. I know you got a horrible fright.” He nodded, feeling a lump in his throat which he swallowed back down “I would imagine so but she will make a full recovery.”

“But she hasn’t woken up yet?”

“It sounds like she has been running on empty for a while. Her body just needs time to rest. Her vitals are all very strong and I will get a second set of bloods now she that has been given some iron. I will personally take a look to make sure they are back to some normal level. She will wake up Taron. Just in her own time.”

“Can I see her?” He asked, his voice a little quieter, his face filled with uncertainty around the answer to his question.

“Yes of course.” Doctor Lee gave him a small smile. “That is what I was going to say to you next. I was going to ask if you would like to go and see her.”

“Yes, please. God yes.”

“Ok but just so you are prepared, she is still a little pale, has an oxygen canula in and I have her attached to the monitors so we can keep an eye on her vitals. There is a small dressing on her temple covering the cut on her head and you just need to be careful with her left shoulder and arm. I am guessing when she fell down at the pool, she landed on her left side.” Taron nodded. “She has some deep bruising on her skin from the impact of that fall so it will be very tender and sore for a while. As well as the iron, I have asked the nurse to give her some pain killers. While the iron will do its job to help build her red blood cells back up, I just want to make sure she isn’t in any pain. I can only imagine how hurtful her headaches have been lately.”

“More than I think she wanted to admit to me.”

The doctor desperately wanted to hug the man beside her but needed to try and remain professional even though he looked almost broken, his eyes brimming with tears. Instead she reached for his hands and gave them a tight hold. “I promise you Taron, she will come through this in no time. Like I said, anaemia is something millions of people live with daily. After I have spoken with her, I will have a better idea of the medication I can give her that she can take daily which will keep her iron levels where they need to be. She is just going to have to slow down a little and definitely look at taking better care of herself but I have a very strong feeling you are going to make sure she does that.”

“I will.” He said firmly. “She means everything to me.”

“I can tell Taron.” The doctor said kindly. “She is very lucky to have someone like you.”

Taron shook his head looking the doctor in her eyes. “I am the lucky one.”

“I bet you are.” Catriona turned her head as the door opened and a staff member came in and went straight over to the counter, pouring themselves some coffee. Holding Taron’s hands, she could feel a coldness to his skin, a slight shake too. “I am going to make you something warm to drink.”

“Oh no, no I am ok. Thank you. Can I go and see Robyn please?” He asked, his eyes pleading with her. “I really need to see her.”

“Of course you can and I trust Andy completely with his clear bill of health that he gave you but I know you got a fright when Robyn fell, seeing her so still and coming in the hospital by ambulance. I would imagine you have been at work all day and possibly night with no food and very little sleep and a huge amount of worry on your shoulders. Not to mention all that water work you have been doing and your own little ordeal of actually getting stuck under the water. So I am going to make you some tea and you will drink it and then I will bring you to go and see Robyn.”

“But…”

“I am her doctor Taron and if you are going to insist on wanting to go and see her, then I am going to request that you drink something sweet and warm. Like I told you, she is going to need you now and I insist that you look after yourself, even more after what you have been through yourself. Your body went through its own strain and you have to remember that. I know Robyn is the only thing on your mind but you look like you are about to drop on me and need the sugar.”

Taron took his light scolding with a small smile. “I would actually love a cup of tea please.”

“Perfect. Stay here.”

#Robyn and Taron #Taron Egerton Fanfiction #Taron Egerton Fanfic #Taron Fanfic #Love #Friendship #Family #Hope #Hospitals #Trust #Emotions #News

[catspluscrows]

TW: this is kinda a vent/request. do u do emoji anons? if u do, can i be 💫? anyways, i don't think i'm gonna make it, the voice in my head is too loud. i hate myself so much, i'm so uncomfortable with myself. i'm non-binary and i feel so un wanted. i've been told 2 times today to just kill myself and i'm contemplating just doing it. the voice is so loud....i found my old razor blade, was thinking of cutting again. yeah idk how to deal with my feelings but can you write smth with oikawa? please~

AHHH PLEASE DON’T DO IT 💫 ANON I’M HERE FOR YOU ILY & IM SORRY I KEPT YOU WAITING TUMBLR DECIDED TO FUCK ME OVER AND DELETE MY WORK BY RELOADING 

TW: suicide, i swore above 

Oikawa noticed how you weren’t acting like yourself. Between talking less and the self depreciating jokes you'd make while you both were together, Oikawa was worried. He was especially worried today. "Where's Y/n?" Iwaizumi stopped rolling out the ball bin to tell him you went home early, saying your stomach hurt. "Shit. I have to go." Not questioning the captain, Iwaizumi nods and continues procedure. Oikawa was terrified. 

While trying to open your front door with his spare key he was terrified. He was terrified while running through your house, looking for you. His stomach was heavy with fear, weighing him down while he opened your bed room door. The bottom drawer was open, clothing all across the floor. Framed photos rested on top of the various articles of your wardrobe. Shards of glass and torn fabric were left ignored as Oikawa carried on, knowing he needs to find you right now. The bathroom door is cracked. You must be in there. Kicking open the door in a rush, Oikawa is right. He's not sure if he's glad he's found you of if he wished you weren't even home. He wishes you were at volleyball practice with him, laughing when Iwaizumi hits him. Instead of seeing your heavenly smile he sees your contemplating frown. Hot water is causing the mirrors to fog as you twirl something so daintily. He watches, trying to connect the dots with his own hazy mind. There's glass on both the sink and floor from the shattered mirrors. The pieces remaining in their place are foggy so you can't see anything. Something reflects his face back at him and into your vision which horrifies you. It's a razor. "Don't do it! Please!" Oikawa shouts it before realizing it. He's also kneeling on the ground before he realized he feel. He's lost all sense with reality, refusing to believe this scene. He doesn't want to think you're actually about to do this. He can't. "Please don't!" Clutching onto the wall, Oikawa says it again without yelling. His voice is still loud since he's afraid his crying will drown his pleads out. "Why shouldn't I?" You ask with a steady voice. It's strained by what he can assume is crying by the wet splotches covering once rosy blushes he'd give you with his words. "During chemistry my partner said I should drink the chemicals. Maybe she'd get lucky and they'd kill me." Letting out a sad laugh, you add "Maybe I'd be lucky and it'd kill me." Oikawa can't say anything. He's thinking so quickly that the words clog in his throat. Nothing has scared Oikawa more than this. Not Kageyama being a better setter. Not losing his place in nationals to Ushijima. He's never felt anything as bone chilling as this. The sight of you contemplating this, even going through with it if he was a moment later. "I'm not worth it. I shouldn't even be here. It's a mistake." You continue while staring at your reflection. The image makes you sick but you can't look away. "I want this pain to go away. I want to be accepted. I won't be accepted. It won't go away." Your eyes are trying to cry but they can't since you haven't had anything to drink since you thought about taking all your medications but Oikawa was over. "Not unless I make it." The feeling of cold metal against your skin never happens. Instead you feel warmth and salty tears on your neck. Oikawa is holding you, directing the blade so that it's tearing his uniform sleeve. Gently pushing your head onto his chest so you can't see how despaired he is over this situation. It's not about him. "I'm sorry," Oikawa cries. "I'm sorry I didn't notice. I'm sorry I never knew how to help." That's all he can say. All he can manage to get out are "I'm sorry"'s and "I wish I knew"'s. Realizing that he can't fix the past, Oikawa makes himself change the station on his broken radio. "We'll do better together." He proposes quickly. "I'm here for you. I always have been. Please," The words are flying out with how scared he is. So quickly he begins hiccuping between his emotional words. "Don't do this. Let me help you. Let me help you love yourself." He pulls you in tighter, scared that if he loosens his grip at all you'll slide through his strong arms. Oikawa can't stop the ugly tears coming down his face. You'd be weeping by now if your body physically could. Instead your lip quivers, hating yourself but hating the idea of leaving Oikawa more. Oikawa cries harder when you brokenly say, "I'll stay. I'll stay only for you." 

#ILY ALL OF YOU PLEASE DONT DO IT #haikyuu x reader #oikawa toru #oikawa x reader #oikawa x nb reader #oikawa x gn reader #nb reader #angst #fluff #tw: self harm #tw: bullying #tw: suicide #💫 anon #i'm here for all of you #my dms are open for vents and for emergency asks #i'll reblog with mental health + lgbtq help links #i wanted to get it out as fast as i could so i could help anon #i hope i helped you not do this anon

[pbandjesse]

Today was a great day. We did so much! I did not sleep well so I was worried I would be foggy all day but I was fine. I feel tired now but also just really happy.

My allergies were just really really bad last night and I didn't breathe great. So when I woke up I felt horrible. I just laid there for a long time. But I just felt so bad. It sucked. I was not having fun.

James came and held my hand. We scrolled through tumblr together. And eventually, I did get up.

I shook off my sleepiness pretty fast all things considered. I felt very cute today. It was surprisingly cold out so I had to be a little bundled. James made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast and I did some styling until about 11.

We left here and went to put gas in the car. James took us out to the parkway to get the shell gas since we get money off from groceries. And then it was time to get downtown for our venue visit.

We were a little early so we walked around the block and read the history of the venue. I didn't realize it used to be a museum. They actually left some of the museum infrastructures in the ball rooms, like fake streets and store fronts, and murrals. So that was neat.

We spoke to someone in the neighborhood who said she sees beautiful weddings there all the time. And I agree it is a beautiful space.

When we started the actual tour our guide was very nice but I couldn't help to feel that everything felt very dated. The courtyard was lovely, and my favorite part. But the actual hotel, breakfast rooms, etc, were just so heavily dropped that they felt incredibly old-fashioned. Not vintage, not even period accurate. But heavy and old. I felt like often there were places that were covered in fabric just to hide things and it just wast my favorite. For being the most expensive site I don't think I love it.

But the outside spaces were so great. After the tour we sat down and looked at pictures of how things were styled and such. And they all looked beautiful. But I just don't think it will be right for us. They were really nice though and I am glad we went.

Me and James got back to the car and we got excited for our next thing of the day. While we were waiting for our tour to start we decided to go to a pumpkin patch in the afternoon. We had tickets for Maize Quest, which is just over the boarder in PA at 245. So we went home to grab my camera and change shoes and James grabbed their coffee and we went off.

We were going to get lunch at a grille out there but we couldn't find it in the end. So instead we went to five guys and honestly Im glad we did. It was better for the timing and was the perfect amount of food.

We had a nice little lunch and drove out to the farm. It was so much fun.

The maize was the main thing. I was surprised how much of a production it was. We had gotten the slightly more expensive ticket so we could also go on the big slide. It was actually only $2 more which was exactly what we wanted. But the main attraction was the maize.

Which was INTENSE. We had to watch a video first with rules and then we were off. We spent like a half hour trying to find our way out using the photo of the map I took. We had to find clues and stuff and it was so cute. I was a little overheated but the rain held off and so I didn't mind being a little warm. I was having a great time.

Eventually, though I was a little to tired of wandering in a circle so I used their website and they had a GPS tracker that lets you follow along on the map. And while it didn't give the answer it did orient us and it was great. We would run into the same people a few times and had some laughs. It was a lot of fun.

The whole maze took about 45 minutes. And then it was slide time!

James went on the bigger one, I went on the one with less of an intense drop. But it was fun! I am glad we did it. Then it was time for pumpkins.

We waited in the line and a nice girl told me she really liked my hair. What a sweetheart. The actual hayride was a little scary because of the side moving, but it was good.

We found our pumpkin pretty fast. We decided to just get one bumpy one. And I am very pleased with the pumpkin we got.. And it was like $5. So that was nice. The ride back was a little sillier, with a family who wanted to be everyone's friends. They were nice enough. But it was nice to get off the ride.

We paid for our pumpkin and went to our car. Drove to the other side of the farm to go to the market. We got to get a few free heritage apples, which I always love. Love a weird apple. And we each got a pastry. James got pumpkin fritters and I got apple glazed donuts. And we got a cider to share.

The drive home was nice. We listened to a podcast. And were home in an hour. I was very tired. But it was still a nice drive.

We got back here and James went for a little bike ride. I laid down for a little before I took my nail polish off to redo.

And now Im going to get washed up and ready to go to bed. Today was lovely. I am in a great mood and I feel really happy. I hope you are too. Goodnight everyone. Take care of each other.

[i-think-i-luv-ya]

Breath of Love: Last Piece Overview

I FINALLY GOT MY GOT7 ALBUM!! I am beyond excited especially since I only bought one and got the Mark version (my ult bias 😍😍)!!! So yeah overall I’m very happy with the album although there are a few things that bother me or I’m just not happy with at all... and when I say this I mean the physical album because the music on this album is just incredible (I’ll give my opinions about that too here in a sec)

So first here is a little video I made showing the Mark photo book (it was a bitch trying to reduce the file size and upload this gosh I hate tumblr restrictions) but ANYWHO LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS MAN IS!!! (and also the song is Pillows by eaJ x Keshi because that songs is amazing and tell me it does not go well looking at this gorgeous human)

And here is some of the other stuff:

These adorable photo cards:

The poster (could not get a good pic cuz I’m a crappy photographer but you get the idea):

All of this:

Complaints:

There aren’t a ton of complaints I have with this album. Overall the photos are really great and the content is nice (was concerned with the member versions I wouldn’t get much of the other members but was very surprised with the bigger photo cards of all the members). One of the major problems I had was that some of the photos are cut off!! Especially with this one:

I can’t even see JB without pulling the book apart and ruining the spine... like if I were to tear this apart and hang it on my wall it would be ok but I do not want to do that! Idk it could have been planned better to where it wasn’t this extreme...

Another thing is there’s so much white space! Like some yes it is nice not to have clutter or anything but it just seems like half the book is blank... like looking at the song pages it had barely anything on there... like I guess I could put English versions of the lyrics in that space (I saw someone on Twitter had that idea) but I don’t know.. was just a little too much blank space for me...

Also the CD itself is just... there... in its own flimsy plastic package it’s ridiculous like it would be nice if they found a way to include it somehow (like my Day6 album is a book with the CD on the inside back cover, or even the Taemin album that has its own slip that slides into the album as a whole..) I get that people probably aren’t gonna use the CD (I mean I may download it or have it in my car) but come on... look at this:

And another thing which you can’t really see (and omg I have the keychain upside down my bad) is that my keychain is super foggy and scratched up... like it was a cute idea and I really like it but opening it to find it looked worn wasn’t great...

Anyway... onto the MUSIC! Here’s some of my thoughts on each of the songs:

Breath:

So happy and easy to listen to. Was hoping for more Lullaby or Just Right vibes with this comeback and this felt so much like that. And the whistling? Omg that made the song! Youngjae did such a great job. And blonde Jackson?! OMG (Not that they did not all look incredible)

Last Piece:

With this being JB's song no doubt it's amazing even before you hear it. The choreo is also really cool! My fave part may be Mark saying "so where you at" lol that verse was great...and honestly same but Jinyoung's part after wow them high notes he has in this album I’m loving it! I like the solo dances the transitions are really cool and ties it to the Breath video (Along with some of the lyrics). Regardless though great song!

Born Ready:

I love how this was supposed to be a solo song for Mark but he thought it would be better as a group project and I agree (even though the Mark stan in me is crying but love how he is still the focus of the song). Anyway, this is such a feel good song definitely gives me motivation listening to it.

Special:

Jackson really knows what he's doing... I mean would have to to be the first Chinese soloist to make it big in the US charts!!! (still so proud of him) Also love how so much of this is in English... as an international fan its a struggle. But yeah this song is amazing and fun, easily one of my favorites.

Wave:

I truly love this song... Jinyoung did such a great job...and Mark starting the song really was perfect (hopefully unbiased opinion). But this song is so sad and the lyrics so beautiful...this may be my favorite song on the album but its so hard to choose.

Waiting for You:

Bam did such a great job with this too... all of his music is great but was surprised he wrote something really deep and slowed down (like not a party song). Just shows you how many parts there are of him we don't know much about (even though we all know he is such a softie despite being sarcastic af). But this song is so nice to listen to...from the vocals to the instrumentals...amazing...

Thank you, sorry:

Yugyeom has a very distinctive style...it's not hard to point out his music. But that style really works for him! It's always nice and slow, relaxing, but still something you can dance to. It's really interesting hearing the members embrace this style...and they nailed it.

1+1:

I like how this song really ties into the title tracks with some of the lyrics... "puzzle piece, our love that fits perfectly".  It's also just so nice to listen to, they did a great job with this one.

I Mean It:

THE HARMONIES at the beginning!! OMG!! I absolutely love this song...it's so fun and creative and super sweet... such a perfect love song that feels new and not like something done a million times.

We Are Young:

This song sounds like a modern version of something they could've made years ago...it's got that old GOT7 feeling with a fresh sound...it's also super adorable and the chorus is so catchy. And Jinyoung's falsetto?? AHHH I have no words...like that was perfection.

I really love this album and it’s really special to me since this is the first kpop album I’ve purchased (used ktown4u had no issues and even came a day earlier than it said)! It gave me so much joy looking through everything while streaming their album... well worth the money spent!!!

I also bought Day6 The Book Of Us: The Demon and Taemin Never Gonna Dance Again: Act 1 so stay tuned if you wanna see those albums as wel!!

And if someone wants a more close up pic just lmk!!!

Thanks for reading of you made it this far! Love doing stuff like this!!

#alyssa kpop rant #got7 #got7 breath of love: last piece #kpop #kpop album unboxing #mark tuan #park jinyoung #im jaebeom #jackson wang #choi youngjae #bambam #kim yugyeom

[daredevilexchange]

Our first creator featured on our Content Creator Spotlight event is @context-is-for-kingpins , who also created the event banner!!

Want to be featured here? Head to this page and fill in the form!

See what this is about here, or if you’re using the app here.

What's your fannish ID?  @context-is-for-kingpins on tumblr

What types of fanworks do you create?  Digital art mostly and some real-world stuff. I really enjoy playing with color and transparency in my art. I'm considering branching out into fics if I ever manage to finish one.

What are your favourite types of fanworks, when you're not creating?  Anything and everything! It's so awesome to see what other creators make with the same characters.

What do you like in particular about this fandom? Foggy Nelson is my spirit animal and I love him with all my heart. I adore anything where these precious babies are being goofy and happy!

Do you like participating in fan events? I've only done one exchange so far but I had a ton of much fun with it and I plan on doing more!

What about your creating process? My cartoony doodley style is usually inspired by things happening around me and by sheer boredom. For most of them I would draw while I was substitute teaching and trying to look busy while the students did their work. My more realistic style pieces are usually song inspired. I'll find photos I like and use them as references (I hope one day I'll be able to draw something like that purely from my head). I draw in bed when I should be sleeping. For my non-digital creations (i.e. dolls, pillow cases, coffee mugs, a dozen rubber ducks in Daredevil-style blindfolds, etc.) there's really no rhyme or reason to it. I'll just get a wild hair and I need to bring it to life to get the idea out of my head.

Do you interact a lot with other fans? I have a couple other fans I talk with regularly but I'd love to make some more friends!

Is there any particular piece you'd like to showcase for this post? https://context-is-for-kingpins.tumblr.com/post/185760363190/click-it-click-it-click-it (note from DDE: YES click it!) This was my first drawing for the Daredevil fandom and I'm still very proud of it.

Do you have other fandoms you'd like to talk about? While Daredevil is my absolute favorite, I'm big into pretty much anything Marvel. I'm inspired by watching/reading about heroes who do good for good's sake.

Where can your fanworks be found? My stuff can be found on my tumblr page under #this is my art https://context-is-for-kingpins.tumblr.com/tagged/this-is-my-art  Thank you, @context-is-for-kingpins !

#daredevil art #Daredevil #marvel #daredevil comics #daredeviledit #artist #content creator spotlight

[spacegaywritings]

Warming Paws and Melting Walls (2/8) “The Naming of the Beast”

Summary: Remy gets home, his day unusually long and body extremely exhausted. Still, he and the cat seem to get along a bit better as they share a bit of time bonding in their weird states.

Tags: mentions of the vet (+ aftermath), abandoned cat, alcohol/wine, tipsy Remy (being a soft man), food/ meat, pain killer mention, drinking, dummy logic, dummy thicc fucking Remy, Remy the cat whisperer, mentions of Kim Kardeshian.. shien..? idk man, slight mention of systemic oppression bc wow Remy is spilling the beans, name talks, cuddling, snuggling, books, mentions of vaccines, soft insults bc Remy, purposefully horrible old english.

ao3: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 // all.

tumblr:  1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8.

My KoFi  - Support me ♥ or Commission me

Note: If you miss any tags, have issues with links or any other concerns, please feel free to contact me. Anon is on and my DMs are open.

Story under the cut! (Wordcount: ~3,5k)

 It was late when the kitty cat and Remy returned and in all honestly, the receptionist was more than exhausted and done with everything. The whole day had taken a toll on him and interacting with people under bright lights was obviously not the best for a person with photo-sensitivity and self-diagnosed bitch syndrome.

 His body was hurting, the pain had gotten more intense and rendered him a heavy and sleepy mess. He still needed to feed the cat. While the pain killers had done some to ease his pain, the extra activity had him feel like absolute trash, after all.

At least, the vet had found the little queen to be healthy and taken good care of. It indicated that there were owners or strangers to take care of the kitten but there were no tattoos, no marks or anything. Whatever care the cat had received before, it seemed to be over now. Nobody was looking for the cat as far as the vet and the local pet shelter have told him.

 To make sure the cat would be okay, he got scheduled appointments for vaccinations (the kitty cat already got some that day). In like, a month, he was supposed to come back. Considering the cat was about one year old, it was time to refresh vaccinations anyway, at least that is what the vet said. There was so much information smoking in his brain and it hurt him. It was extra weight putting his head down.

 There was no chip for the kitten.. He would set up an ad on-line to show that the cat was found. He and the vet assume the cat to have run away from home or having been left behind after the family moved. Something like that.

Still, he could try so the cat would not really be his problem anymore. There was obviously no name tag or collar. He would have noticed, he is not that fucking dense. The vet, too.

 At least Remy got some answers for what the fuck this kitten should eat and could not ever eat because it could hurt.

 Also, the cat was a she. Well, too fucking bad Remy settled for they/them pronouns. While he talked to the cat, he could at least practice pronouns he usually did not use much. The cat could not get offended. Totally a win-win situatuon.

 The coffee lover curled up on the couch, kitty cat still somewhat drowsy in his lap.To be honest, the cat felt drunk to him, so Remy did not know better but to nurse his own wine while giving the kitten some chicken he had gotten for them.

 “Queen, you are a really really unbelievable thing”, he started as he looked at the tiny void in his lap that was currently chewing on a last bit of chicken pieces.

 He had removed all that bone stuff and washed off the meat before to make sure it was not seasoned or too greasy and such for the kitten. Totally no need to kill the poor thing when he could just be fucking careful and mind their needs and limits.

 “You know, you get all hot on those funny things and you are living with me now - without paying rent - and like, you do not even give me your a name. You are, like, the most mysterious person I have ever met. Fucking rude, you little harlot.”

 Remy sipped a bit of his wine and placed the package on the table. Yes, he drank wine out of a package because he was a cheap person. He needed to pay off the flat he had bought because his job did not make the most money ever. At least it was enough for him having a somewhat cozy and stable life.

 He carefully shifted under the warm weight of the warm fluff. Remy was so glad the vet cleaned the cat so he did not need to do that. Was that extra service? He definitely paid for this shit, not gonna lie. Well, he would get a bill eventually and then he could still get upset over that. Ultimately, it did not matter right? He had some savings and the cat would be gone soon because it was someone else’s kitty cat.

 It was not even in his place to just cuddle with the kitten while watching some bitch flick. But now that he had to ditch his weekend routine for the cat, they had to suck up for it. Also, he was just in a ton of pain by now and hoping for the local wine package to just knock him out well enough. If his senses were numbed, so were his pain receptors because brain foggy when Remy drunk-y.

 “Listen up, kitty cat. We might need a name for you, darling”, he started and looked down at how they were licking over their muzzle and nose.

 The meal was done and the cat seemed satisfied... The little tongue looked so cute, it was so so pink.

 “I mean, maybe you already have a name but calling you queen all the time ..”, he trailed off and shrugged, “you know, don’t know whether you, like, deserve that title to be a name. It is something you earn and live, but you are not just some queen. Except when you are some fucking royal but who the fuck cares about that shit.”

 The cat looked up at him and he vaguely looked back before sticking his tongue out and gently brushing through the soft fur of the little monster of coal he sheltered.

 “Yeah, right. Fuck the Queen. It is not the same as you being a queen. Anyway, it would kinda not be the same for you to be a queen and to be Queen. You know?“

 Remy chuckled as the kitten pushed its head against his ribcage.

 “You totally get me, don’t you?”

 The kitten meowed in reply and he continued to pet the little ball of softness. The little one even smelled great. Well, now.

 “Okay, let us give you a name that fits you. I don’t know, honey. Something fancy but also classy because it is you”, he giggled, “I don’t know but we will find something!”

  Remy gently picked up the little kitten and hummed as he stumbled over to the bookshelves. His wine was abandoned and the small void simply meowed in response to his actions.

 “You know what, fuck that show. They all suck anyway, honey. Reality TV is just a nice background .. nice, like.. what else would people watch Kim Kardeshian for? Genuine interest? Gurl, it is all about the sounds and sights or plainly being the malicious bitch to gossip and ridicule these people.”

 He giggled and settled before the bookshelf, sitting there with the little queen on his arms. Was queen a title, now? Not a name but somehow some kind of pet name, huh.

 “You know what, kitty?”, he whispered and the cat shook their head at the sudden sounds and the wet breath Remy offered. They pushed their little head against the man’s collar bone.

“I am that kinda bitch to do all the heavy gossiping.”

 He laid down and let the cat rest on his chest. His back was pressed against the dark floor in his reading corner. The curious little cloud looked around and stood up, tail curiously moving from one side to the other. Then it stayed and moved in slow-motion before returning to the other side while staying kinda between low and horizontal.

 Cats were so cute.

 And the cat really looked like a cloud.

A dark one.

Not a black sheep, a black cloud!

 “Storm cloouUuUuUd”, Remy sang softly and the cat turned back to him, letting out a responsive sound in reply.

 They understood him! Or were at least annoyed enough to react and give him a “what the fuck” look with all the sassy cat-ness in their bi-coloured orbs.

 “Aw!! You react! But that is a long way to go, still, you brooding little dust ghost.”

 He blew a little bit off of the cat’s head and brushed it off to make sure it was all clear. Maybe from the chicken or the couch.

He had to cleaaaan, ew. Woooork.

Bad cat. They really be spreading the dust around like a little ghost.

Damn it, he only wanted to find some nicknames for the small being.

  “Cat, can’t you do the work for me? I mean, come on, I totally got you to the vet and you got drugged for free. That is a real favour to do for a stranger, gurl.”

 The cat looked back up at him.

Oh, how could he have forgotten about that??

 “Bitch!”

 Remy exclaimed wildly and sat up, simply to fall back into the ground with a dull ‘thud’ accompanying his motions. The insides of his head seemed to be forcefully shrunk together and the tipsy man groaned in annoyance. The pain was so fuzzy and far away, it was basically a street sign on the other side of the street during a day of heavy fog.

All he did feel was the heaviness of his head and the horrible throbbing that came right after he limply dropped into the hard wood again.

 “uh… Aw, I am the dumb bitch, here. Kim, save me”, he weakly slurred.

 Obviously, he was in about the greatest state to take care of another being, especially one that was just as drowsy as him and slowly processed his sudden movements with flinches away from him.

When the man did not move, the curious guest nudged Remy’s nose with their own.

Had the coffee lover seen it, he would have swooned, probably.

 Well, on the other side, he slowly got himself together and carefully shifted again, this time being considerate of his own and the kitty’s needs. He was much slower, lethargic in a way, it would make Sloth itself jealous.

Eventually, he was in position, vision still blurred with blackish spots tainting his view on the dimly lit apartment.

  “So- as I was saying… wait”, he started yet trailed off soon after, voice quieting down and light eyes closing.

“uh.. yeah, I know where I left off. So, as I was, uh, saying.. Like, bitch! You are totally as tipsy as I am with all those killers in ya, big boi.”

 Once more, his own giggles filled the room while the cat just pushed their head against his chin. The creature somewhat vibrated a bit and it felt oddly funny to Remy. Indescribable sounds came from the little kitty cat. It did not sound like a Queen, not really. It was more like uh.. a cat. Nothing else Remy has ever heard sounded quite like that.

 “You uh.. you still need a name, you little void egg, you. Hihi.“

 Remy curled and gently cradled the black ball closer. His grip around the cat was secure yet loose. The cloud of nothingness was comfortably sunk into his arms as the man got onto his wobbly legs and moved his jelly sticks closer to the little corner of books and boxes once more.

The kitten did have more than just great taste to hide there when they first started exploring some shit around his flat.

 Their flat?

… uhh.. the doc said to look for the original owners.. oh man, he still had to do that on top of all the things he had to do. And he did not even know whether it was worth it but it was much better than just giving the cat over to some shelter.. uh.. cat thingy.. cat orphanage?

Cat orphanage. Sounded like a totally valid word. Yes, Remy, the name was, like, totally not sanctuary. Absolutely it was not. You fucking genius.

 The kitten was snuggled up to Remy’s chest, acutely unaware of the change of environment that slowly came around with Remy wandering off their spot to really dive into the corner of his secret reading delights. He was back on the oriel, the space were the floor was not any dark wood anymore but instead carpeted in wine red. This was the only piece of floor in his home that had a little bit of carpet and it just started with a provisional glass door he had put there with more than just a little effort.

Basically, this little corner was a glass globe library with the perfect sight on the snowy streets and other weather conditions throughout life. Due to architecture, he basically had a built-in bench because some oriels build a “dent” into the home which can be used as some kind of elaborate and excessively broad window sill.

 It was worth all the work he had put into it.

Whenever he came in to read, it was calm and silent, it was warm but easily adjusted by opening the windows or turning on the heating (considering he did not live in the warmest region on earth at all. In fact, he lived in a more moderate climate and enjoyed the tendency towards coolish temperatures. Despite climate change, there was still snow early in the winter months).

 The two curled up on the floor, leaning against a beanbag. Remy was leaning against the beanbag, to be specific. The kitten was curled up on Remy, cuddling into his arms like the hazy bitch they were. The Queen could barely process anything but well, steady ground it was.

Remy was resting on the bean bag, the cat silently meowing at the change of softness around them when the home-owner slowly turned his body for the kitten to slide against the bad with him.

Maybe the cat liked it. Nobody could know anything because the cat was out of it and also, cats were hell-spawns who were not to be understood but worshipped only.

 A book was resting in Remy’s lap. When did he pull it there? He did not remember. Maybe it had just settled with him, flying over or whatnot.

The book was one hell of a beast.

Pages upon pages were stacked on top of one another and bound together in the obscene creation of a whole book that held knowledge, big enough to rival a human brain in size - at least when putting this knowledge onto pages in barely readable fonts and size.

 “Yo, cat. We need a name for ya, honey.”

 He let his head roll to the side and then back into position again. The void looked over at him and seemed to shrug. Maybe Remy was imagining things.

 “Uh.. You can’t read that for me, now, can you? Why do people even get cats, man. Like, no offence but is that not why we have human beings? So we socialise and uh .. uh like.. taaaalk and hate one another. Cuz we totaaally need that kinda interaction.”

 His voice let the words blend in together, the muffled sentence barely resembling different words or sounds but instead one big hum. Useless blabber, at most. Not that the pet would understand him if he was putting proper effort into talking like a sober and completely sane person.

 “Caaat. Caaaat, just learn reading? Give yourself a name, gurl. Independence!”

 Yeah, well.. This seemed not to work, in fact, it obviously resembled a fruitless endeavour instead. Much like teaching a donkey how to sow greens, the cat took up Remy’s words and ignored them skilfully. Even in his tipsy mind, he was well aware that an animal would not just magically learn reading and then read out to him. However, the wishful thinking was still in his heart… and his foggy dummy mind.

He reverted to child-like attention spans and reasoning abilities whenever he got to drink just a bit more than a little. And honestly, the wine got a little to him, especially with this bottomless void eating, like, all of this fucking chicken.

 He mumbled something about sharing under his breath before he pulled the book closer and heaved it open with his weak noodle power. There was not that much energy left in his heart. He was tipsy and as soft as molten butter.

The book groaned as it was opened, awakening the pages of knowledge from deep slumber.

It willingly dropped the front and backside onto Remy’s lap. It spread like a good partner for the intimate deeds. The excitement of being handled and warmed by a knowledge-seeking person got to it and drove the book to reveal just the right passage for them.

 “Names.. Names. Kitty cat, pick a name.”

 “mrrrow..?”

 “Yeah, hoe, but like, you’re a Queen.. to me and not to others so how about you lemme pick a name,  so the mortals can give you their foolish attempts of daring to raise their voice at you without spoiling your title, you void hoe.”

 The cat gave him a slow-motion blink of two eyes. These wonderfully coloured eyes.. How were cats allowed to just have such precious gems as eyes. Like.. did he rob some jewellery store thing.. did they have names again, he felt like they had some kinda name and he was supposed to know this and all.

Uh, he would be clever later.

 “Alright. This is a name dictionary thing. Like, for when you get a baby and you need to name that little shit, so the system can discriminate against it. It gives you names, you know. You have them according to the alphabet which is a linguistic attempt at bringing order into the way we communicate and organise shit. By the way, this is totally lame because language is fucking liv- ah, uh.. alive. That’s the bitch I was looking for.”

 Remy suppressed a burp before he allowed himself to continue.

 “Can you .. can you just paw this thing?”

 The cat did not move. Uh.. He carefully nudged the little monster. A lazy glare was thrown his way but this is where it stopped. Such a lazy hoe. They would be the bestest of friends very soon.

Seriously, kitten? Not even some dumbass meow sound or whatever? Wow, okay. Selfish much.

 He groaned.

Now we was getting upset with a little cat. He made it this far in his life. Instead of diving deeper into any negative feelings, he moved himself. His finger gently tapped onto the paw once more and softly stroked it before putting it onto the page.

 “Oh, mine own dearest liege, I has't did summon all the fucks i has't hath left to giveth and ‘t wast enow to maketh.. this miracle! Uh - thou hath moveth thy fucking paw. ”

 …Not even that did get the cat to as much as meow at him. At LEAST the void monster spared him a glance of annoyance for his effort. Valid, valid. At least some feedback, thundercloud. Yet, the moment was gone as soon as it came and the kitten then dropped the whole thing and looked down again.

Some sorta ritual to close their eyes and nap away. Even the cat had better living habits than he did.

 “Nonononono, dun nap jus yeeeet! V-V … uh..”

 He had taken up the name from the book, accepting the fate of the paw and started looking into the decision of the higher spirits. He was ready to act up on whatever the heavens and skies and all that shit have decided for the cat to be named.

 The man squinted at the pages.

The top of it said “V”, so he knew that this was the start for their name now. Of course the Queen would be such a diva and end up with a name as unique as starting with such a rare letter. Totally Extra :tm:.

To be fair.. who the fuck used those letters anyway, man.. xylophone? Laaaaaaaaaaaame. Virginia, Voltron, V-.. V…

 “Virgil”

 Remy blinked.

He blinked multiple fucking times.

The name did NOT, unlike his mind’s stupid expectation, suddenly change into something like, uh, you know,… Jared. Some funny shit.

 No, it was still this name. Virgil.

 “Is that even a name for a cat who I declare to be gendered in the neutral only? Uh, you know.. whatever, like, it is whatever because you are a QUEEEEEENG.. Queen.. a queen. You just un-rule gendered names. They are stupid anyway, guuurl. Fuck this all.”

 “Queen Virgil! Now how does that make you feel, huh?”

 The kitten gave him another blink and finally retreated their paw.

 “Yeah, my little nightmare goat. We are gonna go nap all night, all day!”

 The man giggled again. Then he made sure to just give up and fall asleep like that, curled up on a beanie, kitty cat fur tickling him and doing nothing to facilitate his breathing. All he breathed in was ai- uh.. No.. Virgil’s fur.

 Welcome to a change of life, huh?

Or simply: “Welcome, Virgil”.

#sanders sides virgil #virgil sanders #cat virgil #Remy sleep #remy sanders #ts remy sanders #tipsy remy #sanders sides fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #fanficion #ts fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #fluff #domestic fluff #Fluffy Fic #fanfic fluff #joey writes #remilexiety #virimile

[blackcatmanor]

RWBY Vol. 7 Ep 8 Photo Review (Repost)

Tumblr decided to delete the actual post or something. I don’t know. I’m old man yelling at cloud right now. SPOILERS below 

Characters done right.

Winter is QUEEN this episode. Winter’s line about “You’d have to pay me” to smile was great, and I liked her losing her cool and explaining to Penny it’s because of the bad memories in her house. I wish they explored this more, like in a flashback to Winter and Weiss’ childhood. That would have been great, and given a lot of set up into the toxic pool of despair they were both about to go back into. It was interesting her scene with Penny because it created a good juxtaposition from a human who WANTS to be less emotional and robotic, and a Robot that wants to be a human. *cute and tragic vibes intensifies*. It made me weirdly hope for more interactions between Winter and Penny- in which they help each other find a balance between humanity and a sense of duty.

 Willow- I am so glad we got to see her. Though it started odd, like she was a total delirious, foggy drunk who forgot her daughter left, and suddenly she becomes super lucid but morose. The tone shift was weird but besides the first few seconds it was great. A lot was conveyed about her- that she’s fearful for her safety, she’s morose, but still cares greatly for her children. The deeper explanation of her putting cameras around could have again been serviced by a Schnee family flashback. Jacques was an authoritarian and awful parent, but not abusive. You can tell this because when Weiss was slapped in volume 4 she was surprised, like it was something that never happened before. However maybe in the past, Willow bore the brunt of Jacques’ authoritarianism, interfering when he was getting too angry towards the kids but causing the physical abuse to be directed towards her instead of her kids. This would explain why she seems concerned for her safety and why she would put cameras around- in case something happened to her there could be a way to bring Jacques to justice.

 Nevertheless, the scene was good. You can really tell Willow cares about her kids and her exposition about Whitley was decent as well. But I have a huge death flag vibe about her….if Jacques finds out she’s been spying on him her greatest fears may come true. #ProtectWillow.

Qrow: I like seeing tidbits about Qrow’s struggle as a recovering alcoholic, though I wish they would talk about it more directly. We haven’t seen him a lot, and maybe he could mention that he’s attending AA type meetings or something. I also desperately wish that Yang and Ruby would address it! They have not directly interacted with Qrow much this volume, especially Yang who hasn’t talked to him since like one line in Vol. 6. I wish they would have a nice family moment where the girls talk about how proud they are to see Qrow overcoming his alcohol issues, and give him a good reason to keep on the path!

  Speaking of Qrow:

SS Gayship:  The trashship vibes are intensifying. Qrow is totally gay for Clover and I am here for it! Okay maybe it’s just friendly and not romantic, but it’s nice to see Qrow have friends. However, seeing how much they playfully interact means that I am going to be PISSED if they just make Clover some sort of double agent and shatter Qrow even more. With Ozpin’s betrayal, his estrangement from his family, his bad luck semblance, I think we have seen Qrow beaten down enough- can we not continually punch this poor character?

 Robyn’s smirk at Winter when she says Jacques can’t buy trust like everything else is great. I am also here for shameless RobynXWinter vibes.

  Characters done wrong:

Klein- RIP. I’m annoyed that they got rid of Klein. Was the voice actor not available? It would have been better to see him being abused by Whitley and Jacques, or maybe relegated to menial work rather than head butler. Seeing the fallout of his actions is more meaningful than just hearing it. Furthermore, it would also pack more of an emotional punch to see Klein being punished for his involvement in Weiss’ breakout, but Klein needs the work so he has to continue working for them in a more menial capacity.

 Whitley- I’ve known for a while they are probably going to have a “rescue Whitley” arc but they’re going about it all wrong. Every discussion with him sucks and is stupid. He’s smarmy and flat as a character, with his only development coming from Willow later. The “revelation” that his façade of arrogance is really because he’s hurt Weiss left him behind in Volume 4 doesn’t make sense, because Whitley was like that before she even left. His façade should come more from fear of his authoritarian, abusive father. Willow should have said something like “he was always trying to be on your dad’s good side, to avoid….well you know. But after you left, I am afraid he may actually be starting to EMBRACE your father’s perspective on life. So please don’t forget about your brother!” Or something like that. The writers and animators continually miss the chance to convey Whitley’s secret desperation as well. They showed one flash of fear in volume 4 and one in volume 7, but when he’s talking to Weiss he should be trying to talk to her in code, or having pain on his face!

 Whitley is also the words worst Gmod player. The only person who can get away with the nonprop T-pose is Jeremy MonsterTruckin’ Dooley 

Story stuff done right:

The little distraction bit to get Weiss away from Whitley was cute and funny. And it was nice to see comedy in a situation that lent itself to comedy. Last week I thought this “dinner” might have been an ambush in disguise, with Jacques luring Ironwood into Watt’s trap, but seeing how it was actually a huge party with News cameras, tons of guests, and the crew without weapons it immediately became clear this dinner was never going to be outright hostile, but instead served as a backdrop for exposition and plot development. To that vein, using it to give a bit of comedy is totally acceptable and breaks up the emotional scenes as well as the politically tense scenes.

I will say, though, I HATE the fat lady character. What’s with the voice? Is it supposed to sound like Ms. Piggy? This was kinda lame but at least Jaune’s slow mo “YESSS” and then their grimace was kinda funny. And it was a nice twist to have her covered in the food, making it seem like the plan failed, only to have the lady throw her drink on Whitley in a fit.

  Faunus discrimination- This volume has been better about building a world that has Faunus discrimination, and the introduction of Marrow has been a big part of that. In this episode, they had one small tidbit with a Faunus guy working as a waiter, literally serving the Humans, but I wish they would have teased out the Faunus discrimination a little more. In this kind of wide setting, with TWO Faunus main characters and a Faunus waiter it would have been a great chance for a few scenes building the culture around Faunus hate.

These are snooty elites so maybe they don’t outright berate the Faunus people, but maybe they try to quickly grab a drink and shoo the Faunus waiter away, or they don’t make eye contact and awkwardly talk AROUND them. Maybe they gawk at Marrow’s tail or Blake’s cat ears before having to be turned away by their friends. Think of how people treat people they are uncomfortable around- homeless, mentally ill, etc. Often people aren’t outright rude to them but reactions can run the gamut from gawking, to awkwardly minimizing interactions, to trying to pretend like they don’t exist. Some of that would be nice, but at least they are taking steps to correct the lack of Faunus hate in previous volumes.

Misery in Mantle. 

There is 1 homeless person shown in the episode, which is a 100% increase than prior episodes. 

  Story stuff done wrong:

So the council is only 3 members? That seems kind of small  for a huge kingdom like Atlas. I wish there was at least 5 members, and we could see them speaking for different regions. Instead it seems like there are three members of the upper crust elite and that’s it.

The insertion of Robyn at the dinner was odd, but it seems like Jacques is trying to butter her up. He commends her “vigor” and when she said the people of Atlas are suffering he says “Quite right.” It seems like he’s trying to use Robyn’s frustration as a way to get her on the Anti-Ironwood team. This would at least make sense of why she is here other than to have her scream in between the conversation. 

What was with the ending? I don’t get it. Watts disables the entire heating grid, which causes the rain to turn to snow in Mantle. Is this bad? Does this mean they are going to freeze to death? Probably? It wasn’t clear. People looked confused about the snow, and the kid seemed excited which makes me think it hasn’t happened before, but they didn’t seemed scared or really concerned.

#rwby vol7 #rwby spoilers #weiss schnee #Winter schnee #qrow #rwby #atlas #rwby v7 #rwby ruby

[stone-man-warrior]

1-16-2021: 10:29 pm

I am using the same computer I always use for this post, I am not using a smart phone, I am not using any kind of phone. The system is hijacked to make it look as though a phone was used for making this post. It is very difficult to find a text box to write in that is not hijacked, so I am trying this one, it may show up as though Sparacino of 545 Jackpine wrote the post, or, Monroe at 434 Jackpine could show as the place the that posted this. neither one is the author of the post.

It could show that Wesely Crowel of 549 Jackpine is the one who posted the information, but he is not the author of the information. So far, no one of official capacity has ever spoken with the author of this information in any way, not by phone, nor by email, nor by US postal mail, nor with response to this account at the place where messages can be sent at Tumblr. I only get one scary message that is about my children being safe, and far away, with no other information or contact from them in many years. A phone call from family is no good anymore, Screen Actor Guild has too many ways of manipulating the voices and words with combination of recordings, actors, and audio effects processors. There is no way to be certain who is on the calls unless they are saying some identifiable information that no one else could possibly have, and even then, that information will be recorded, and used as a way to fool everyone involved on a telephone call. Text message is absolutely useless for knowing who is on the other end of the message.

There is some good news, is probably a set-up though. I was able to access this text box for editing with my computer. Here is another screen shot of my computer as I write. I will open a Ten Codes tab at the top tabs to try to help identify what is what, and the time on the bottom.

Scroll down to see it at after three other photos of my computer screen.

11:38 pm:

I write. The page gets long. The part I already wrote inches up higher in the computer screen, up there, above the tool bar, out of sight, is where the terror bastards are changing what I wrote a moment prior to that. Then, I post what I wrote, then read it, to see that information was slightly changed, “The” gets inserted all over the place. Duplicates of the same same words are placed into the post, such as “same” that I did intentionally that time. Many small changes happen without my knowledge or consent. So far, I don‘t see any major changes in the archive, but, there are many there to look at for baby sitting. I cannot be expected to write the information necessary to save the whole world, and have to make sure that some asshole does not change it later on. If I change my access password, the keystroke recorder that is in the norton Life Lock product will just help the bastards know how I think when I choose passwords. When I access, I do not type in a password, and, I have never told the web browser to save my password for access of any of my accounts.They all open automatically, without password necessary, there is nothing I can do to change that from happening. It’s all wide open, no security of any kind, no privacy, no US national Guard.

That, and the sheriff broke my letter n on my keyboard when the broke down my door on June 15 to arrest me for stuff that did not happen, and a bunch of rock stars were killed inside the fucking jail with the weapons they were allowed to bring in there, to kill me with.

So, I am doing way more than should be required by any citizen, even in third world countries just to stay alive long enough to get a fucking message out in world filled with Smart Phones and communication technology. It’s all designed as counter productive, intentionally set up to prevent communication from occurring.

That, and I am a disabled man, with spinal injuries, and spinal fusion. I have a fucking metal plate that holds my head on, with four  bolts, so, tell the terror bastards that I will just dull their swords, and they won’t be able to kill me.

I am Disabled American Citizen... you better be scared of me. punk.

=========================

1-17-2021: 12:16 am:

There are terror soldiers out by (my) cars in the front yard. It sounds like they are torturing an animal. It must be the Myers of Five-Six-Zero (560) Jackpine. That is how the Myers do terror, they come to the house, and kill something or someone as you watch, right there at the front porch after knocking, sometimes.

There might be a dead animal or person by my car when I go out there next time.

Juseph Myers

Kyle Myers

nora Lee Myers

Rita Myers’

Rena Myers

The scariest people on earth, hands down, there is no competition for that.

============

In case there are people fucking with my computer thinking that they are warning me about danger.... stop doing that. You are going to get me killed. just let me deal with it my way, without the distraction.

============================================

1-17-2021: 1:16 am:

A walk to the mail box was.... different.

It’s cold, foggy, I did not check the thermometer but guess that it’s about 32 degrees outside.

There were no dead animals or other bodies that could be seen on a walk to the mailbox in the dark.

There is someone from the Clyde Baum terror cell making signaling to others with owl calls. The “Whooo... whooo... whooo“ at Deitricks 601 or Taylors at 600 is a person, not an owl.

As I reached the mailboxes, where there is a communication device inside one or more of the mailboxes where terror soldiers have to stop to say who they are and why they are in the neighborhood, was used as a way to hear that I had reached the mailbox, as I closed mine, the sound alerted other terror soldiers who are behind my house and behind 520 right now. They are doing a terror scenario called “Hounds of the Baskerville’s”, a set of scary circumstance all roled out in effort to produce a victim in one way or another. The scenario includes that the sound of many coyotes could be heard yelling as they do. But, there are no coyotes in these parts of Oregon, so, the people who are able to make the coyote screams very well, are those who are from India, such as Nicole Sparacino is. I suspect the Sparacino’s are working with Clyde Baum, and someone from Dietricks to do the “Hounds of the Baskerville’s” terror murder scenario, however, Clyde does not seem to be staying at his own house lately. It seems as the terror cells have mostly all switched houses for the time being, as I mentioned last week or so. I suspect Clyde is staying at Dietricks 601.

Tonight the scenario includes a lot of set-up work at Monroe’s, where a whole bunch of three dimensional items are outside, arranged in a way the  (that) tells a story about rakes and pitch forks, shovels, dead wood, all wielded by creepy ness. There is no one there at exactly where all of that stuff is arranged, but there was someone closer to the road in the Monroe yard, making croaking frog sounds, such as those made by a Female Grommet soldier. (read about that here in this account somewhere else).

It was very dark outside.

I brought a super duty flashlight tonight, I rarely use a flashlight in favor of a Bic Lighter, and keeping my hands free for fighting.

I feel as though there is someone far away who is wanting some verification of events that took place many years ago, as is laid out in the Monroe three dimensional terror communication with use of rakes, pitchforks, shovels, shafts, stumps, wood rounds, a telescope, a camera on a log pointing at me, a large metal wagon wheel from historic wagon of some kind, a big dragon fly yard art, and a lot of other items all arranged so that I will tell about a time when my family and I fought against terror soldiers on horseback as the horses jumped the fence on attack by men with long horseman’s sabers. They had been attacking us daily, making us run to the house. One day, I prepared a defense, and we killed one horse and rider to my recollection. They stopped attacking by horseback, changed to a different attack plan after that.

So, if that is what is needed to know, then, yes, that is what happened so long ago with the men on horsback with long sabors, they may have been women, but I don’t remember and we did not do a pap smear to find out. The Monroe’s terror cell are getting the messages from somewhere far away, and arranging items in the yard, so that I will say something about it here. Each time I tell an anecdote, the story gets added to an existing data base of terror reporting and other personal information, all of which is used to hurt me and other people, is turned around backwards, and used to make me appear as a terrorist, while the terrorists take credit for the report, such as Clyde Baum has done with some intervention I did on at least two commercial airline flights, where my actions stopped a hijacking on board the plane... Clyde Baum gets the credit, the story got changed from the giant size of the truth, down to a much smaller, comparatively insignificant story about what happened on those airplane rides.

no one has ever spoken with me about any of that either.

One of the coyote’s sounded like Burt Dietrick. (WM, 45 y/o, 190 lbs. very full brown beard, short dark hair.)

The frog/Grommet soldier smelled like Theresa Sparacino. (India/w female, 18  y/o, long dark hair is dyed mostly in blonde streaks, 125 lbs.)

The Owl sounded like Clyde Baum. (WM, 60 y/o, short grey hair, 200 lbs, 5′9″)

The other coyote sounded like Nicole Sparacino. (India female, long black hair, predominant nose hook, may have vaginal/anal injury healed from sword fight long ago, deep voice, 5′10″ long skinny legs, 130 lbs)

I think Sean Sparacino is dead already but here is a description:

WM, 5′9″, 220 lbs, short butch hair cut most of the time, 42 y/o, has a hair lip, or cleft lip, or some other thing about his mouth, is fat, mass murderer, over 100,000 US citizens killed by Sean and Nicole Sparacino. Sean Sparacino may have a body alteration where he had his belly button removed, covered w/plastic surgery, presents himself to victims as “An alien being” points out that he has no belly button. Or, he uses make up for a the same effect.

===========================================

1-18-2021: 11:56 am: Additional:

Sparacino Belly Button Alien Terror:

I learned the (this) more than once. The latest time was around 2005-ish.

Use “Contemplating my naval” in place of “Belly Button“.

“Contemplating my naval” is a statement I have heard more than a few times. while on a phone call, and while in person.

Sean Sparacino uses a covered up, altered, plastic surgery belly button body enhancement to say the same thing, while pretending to be an alien from space.

My assessment is that there is at least one US Navy Serviceman “Partner”, “Companion”, “Side-Kick”, kidnapped victim of forced surgical alteration, somewhere nearby where I am. Most likely place closest is 507 (Five-Zero-Seven) Jackpine at Harold & Joan Phillips terror cell.

The subject matter is complex, dangerous, is scary, horrifying.

A “Partner” is often a victim who rides in a trunk of a car, or, is strapped to the bottom of a big-rig truck, or, strapped to the undercarriage of any vehicle... above the spare tire of a full size pick-up truck beneath the bed at the rear axle, is a place where “Partner’s” are put, attached to the vehicles. Their job is to use electronic blue-tooth communication device to stay always in contact with their captors who are driving the vehicles the “Partner’s” ride in and under. The captor’s do not speak English well enough to have a conversation, so, as an attack is happening, the Captor terror assassins need to engage in some kind of a set-up of a dialogue with an intended victim. The reason the dialogue is necessary is to ensure that the intended victim is not also a terror soldier, they are not uniformed, everyone looks like an intended victim, also, everyone looks like a terror soldier, so, the pre-attack dialogue is mandatory, and the “Partner” is the one who does the talking, from inside of a trunk of a car, or from beneath the undercarriage of a big rig or UPS, Fed-Ex, Bekins Moving truck, or while riding above the spare tire of a full size pick-up truck beneath the bed.

The point here is that anyone can be a “Partner”. They are surgically altered, amputated arms and legs, are small, fit in odd places, are strapped into odd places, and forced to communicate in English for their captors. If the “Partner” tries to make a cry for help, the captors will push the eject button while the vehicle is in motion. So, they are not likely to be doing anything other than exactly as they are told to do.

I suspect there is at least one US Navy partner around where I live.

I just got him killed with this post.

There is No Way To Get Help.

Josephine County Judge Lindi Baker and her husband Buck Baker keep, use, house, traffic, kidnapp, and help to produce “Partner” “side-kick” victims. Honorable Judge Baker had a “Partner” in the trunk of her car the day she was killed in defense at the AM/PM Luke’s Arco on Terry Ln. a couple of years ago. I demanded that she open her trunk when I heard the victim in the trunk, and she did open the trunk, the “Partner” escaped, Lindi Baker was killed, and the entire AM/PM staff and the staff at Fred Meyer Gas Station all began an emergency hunt for the escaped “Partner” victim, who scurried away as I was fighting with Lindi Baker that day.

I don‘t think the “Partner” was able to find help. no one has questioned me about why the judge was killed at the AM/PM.

Harrison Ford is a carpenter. He built the “Partner” kennels that the Bakers used at one of their properties on Upper River Road. They have other property also at Lower River Road, and at a remote cabin on the Illinois River west of Selma Oregon.

Buck Baker is in charge of all of the trucking that happens around here, from Salem Oregon to the California border, if it’s in a big rig, Buck Baker made it happen. He is still producing “Partners” who are transformed at “The Pleasure Dome”, a subterranean secret terror experimental surgery center in Medford Oregon built by Bill Gates in the late 1980′s and early 1990′s. The place is beneath a neighbor hood of houses, is not visible, a multi billion dollar endeavor made possible by Bill Gates.

Study this account to learn more, including maps and details about the mustard gas that is used for keeping prying eyes away.

Let me try a more graphically offensive means to get some attention here:

Twitter news media might say this next bit is a “V-Shaped Recovery” if they can get in contact with the Dog Catcher in the area where the Partner escaped captivity and is running amok, out of control.

That Afghan Hound is close to some of the finished products of the Pleasure Dome. Peter Fonda’s “Partner” looks very similar to that dog. Peter Fonda’s Partner would be mistaken to be a dog, before anyone will consider that the dog is a human being.

Yes, I am dead serious about that.

Human, US Citizen Children go in one end of the machine, when they come out of the machine, they look like that dog, if that is what the SAG Card Holder specified on the custom order sheet, such as what Peter Fonda ordered.

I have spoken with Peter Fonda’s Partner person victim at the Bi-Mart in Grants Pass, where they have parties, many SAG Card Holders bring their partners, for watching them fight to the death and betting, or for a Partner Sex Party.

Weapons are taped to the Partners, they fight, or are killed for refusing.

===========================================

==========

Also at Monroe there seems to be some indication of “Clearwater”. There is a composting company called Clearwater, they are said to use sewage waste mixed with other organic waste, such as yard and brush, tree trimmings and such for making a soil amendment product. They are likely to be a source of “V-8″ or “Red Hydroseed” where human beings are but into a giant blender and mixed with water and seeds, to be sprayed onto the hillsides as ‘Erosion Abatement” for the Department of Transportation, done by state contractors for a profit at State tax payer expense.

Millions of US Citizens were put into the giant blenders alive, ground up into pulp at the Walmart parking lot during a fake construction project there in around 2001 or so. My brother was put into the blender, he was alive, I watched it happen, but that was in Arizona after I had been told to come to his funeral, he was not dead, until I arrived for the fucking funeral. There was nothing I could do to stop a enormous Christian terror army who are all bent on global domination in Biblical way.

Rendata is the force behind Clearwater.

There is another place called Jo-Grow, I suspect they are also in the V-8 Business. Those are all the same people who are building the Cascade Public Storage near the Club Northwest Gym. Jo-Grow is a Josephine county government company located at the former county land fill, is now a Transfer Station. Too dangerous to go anywhere near the old dump anymore.

So, information spelled out with rakes and pitchforks at Monroe’s seems to ask for “Clearwater”, and honestly I don’t know that Clearwater recycling is actually involved in the V-8, but, i suspect they are, and, it’s really not my job to do that kind of investigative work, I am an old disabled man with many spinal problems, and am poisoned by the people who seemingly are of a subject of interest, by people who are in contact with Monroe terror cell at 434 Jackpine. Have them go talk to the folks at Clearwater, or at Rendata of Merlin Oregon if you need investigating done at that level.

I do know quite a lot about Clearwire, a cellular company that was hijacked by Sprint in a fake merger, I was heavily invested in Clearwire and lost a lot of money when the shit did not work out the way the contract said it was supposed work

[mysticsparklewings]

Heaven Help Us

Happy Fake Your Death Day! :D Or at least that's what I'm calling today. For those who don't know, March 22, 2013, is the day My Chemical Romance officially broke up. afterward, March 22 was a significantly sad day for the fandom. The day we remembered what once was. Deathday. But that was before October 31, 2019. My Chemical Romance officially announced their Return.   The world is currently a very uncertain place, including MCR's own concert dates, but I personally take solace in knowing that the impossible already happened once. It can happen again. We, the MCR fandom, hoped and waited and prayed for six whole years. I'm sure plenty of others were like myself and were just starting to lose the hope we'd held onto for so long...and then it happened. It really did. Moral of the story: Never lose hope. Good things come to those who wait. Have faith. Naturally, I had to do something for today. I've done tributes for the 22nd before, but all pre-Return. I'd say it had to be something special, but that's not strictly true. For me, all my MCR artworks are special. I don't do them too terribly often because I want them to be done right. I want to put everything I can into them. I want them to be the absolute best they can be. But I did know I wanted to draw all four of the main guys (left to right: Frank, Ray, Mikey, Gerard), since I've only attempted that one other time, and they came out much more chibi there. (Side note: I really need to find the time and patience to color that drawing at some point). This time I was hoping to still draw them in my style, but a tad more realistic. Or less chibi, anyway. While I was scouting out potential photos of the guys to use, among a few Danger Days/Killjoy pictures I was considering, I found this one that I really took a liking to. Largely this was because they didn't look quite as sour as they did in some of the other photos I was finding.  They don't really look happy per se, but there's an almost hopeful or looking-for-guidance feel to their expressions that appealed to me. And then the idea to call the finished piece "Heaven Help Us," after one of their songs and do something with angel wings in the background occurred to me, and I just had to run with all of it. Naturally, I started by sketching the boys out. I ran into a little trouble with the proportions, and I'm very sure some of that leaked into the final product, but I did my best. I also did my best to capture their expressions, but I know I missed the mark on that in a few ways. Part of it is just there's only so much I can do with my style and expressions and still keeping them looking like guys and not little girls. (To which, I will admit, they probably do still look effeminate. That's just what happens to guys when I draw them in my style. ) I had to sit on the sketch for a couple of days after that though, both to figure out what I wanted to do beyond that and because I was just seriously lacking in the motivation to make more complicated art at the time.   Fortunately though, when I did come back to it, I was able to come up with a fairly solid plan. I decided I'd paint the background separately with gouache and then ink and color the boys on another piece of paper. Originally, the plan was to also then physical cut the boys out and put them on the background, but naturally, I procrastinated the entire time I was working on this project and backed myself into a bit of time-crunch corner, so I had to forgo that idea and combine the two pieces digitally instead. Although, if I'm being honest, that might've been for the better, as I keep trying to imagine cutting out and around all those tiny pieces and sections around the edges and the longer I think the more than sounds like a good way to get a sore hand and lose all of my patience while holding a sharp object. In other words, no thank you. The background is definitely flawed, but landscape paintings aren't necessarily my cup of tea, so I went into painting it knowing that it didn't have to be perfect, it just had to be "close enough." The background in the original photo is a backdrop anyway (it's pretty obvious already but the harsh shadows the guys cast onto it really give it away), so I had a little bit of a leg up there. At least I wouldn't be trying to replicate an actual detailed landscape. So I went in with some yellow ochre, a rust-ish color, some white, and bit of a brown had leftover from one of my previous gouache painting sessions, and just eyeballed the features to the best of my ability. It looks like it's half-finished without the guys in front, but even so, I was still pretty satisfied with how it turned out.   This project has also since reminded me I really need to find excuses to use gouache more often. It works so well for packing on color and blending but still having a lightness to it that acrylic paint just doesn't. Anyway. While the background dried, I got to figure out what to do for my four boys. I went back and forth a bit, but ultimately I decided to do most of the coloring with alcohol markers, except for the hair. The hair would be done with colored pencils. And I'd already decided I was not going to try to draw Gerard's shirt print and I'd just bring it in digitally. At the time, I was thinking I might do the same for Mikey's, but when I got to where I was almost done with the marker portions, I decided I'd take a risk and try my luck doing it by hand. I must say, I did better with it than I was expecting, so I call that a win. It was a little tricky to figure out what colors to use for the markers and pencils since the contrast and lighting is...not strictly normal. From what I can tell, the light is coming from pretty dead-on, almost like it's right behind and above the camera, and it's very bright. So much so that is washes all of them out to the point they kinda look like they all have the same skin color, which I know isn't completely accurate. In some ways, this made shading easier and in some ways, it also made it more confusing. There are places I'd normally put shadows where there don't appear to be any in the reference, so I left them alone, but it almost felt wrong at times.   Gerard and Mikey's hair, in particular, was also a little tricky. Since this was around the time of Danger Days, Gee was dying his hair red and Mikey was dying most of his blonde. I had to get just the right shade of red and shade it appropriately, and it was actually more challenging than I thought it would be to get just the right shade of yellow and ombre balance for Mikey's. After I spent an eternity on both traditional parts though (the background and the guys themselves), it was finally time to move on. I scanned both pieces in and then booted them into photoshop. I cut the guys out of their plain white background and moved them onto the one I painted, then fiddled order with a Drop Shadow in the Blending Options to get those strong cast shadows behind them. They aren't a 1:1, but part of that is my proportions are different and also there was only so much I could do without just basically re-drawing the shadows in myself, which I wasn't too keen on doing. And then I came back to the idea that had originally sold me on this picture: The angel wings. While I was working on the other parts, I had gone back and forth over whether or not I wanted to include them, given how the original image looks and all, but once I saw what the final product looked like without them, I decided the wings were necessary. I simply grabbed a pair from PixaBay, my public-domain0image-site-poison of choice, then duplicated it so each guy would have a pair, then adjusted them as necessary to make them look more realistic as in being attached to the guys. I knew this wouldn't be fully possible based on how they're standing, but I made my peace with that and decided to just go with what I could do within reason. Once the wings were placed appropriately, I then fiddled with the layer options until I landed on one (I think it was either Overlay or Soft Light, I disremember) I was happy with. You can still see the wings, but they're not too in-your-face and distracting. And really, I like this look because it makes me think a lot of the angel statues they've been using in their Return promo stuff. That's really all there was too it. It took me three times as long as it should have because I was, as I said, just motivationally blocked (in working on bigger projects. I still wanted to create, but all I really wanted to make were simple things like the mandalas I've been experimenting with. I'm not sure what kind of selective laziness or creative block you call that ) for 80% of the time I was working on it, so it feels like this description should be a lot longer, but I think I've covered really everything that needs covering. I could describe in greater detail how many colors the layering I used, but it seems unnecessary unless I'm going to document all the specific colors I used and all that, which, spoiler alert, I don't have the patience for. And so, here it is. Like I said, I know the world is a very uncertain place right now, but I'm still thrilled that today is no longer the sad occasion it once was. I'm so glad My Chemical Romance is back, even if the future regarding not only them (as there's still so much we don't know), but the rest of the world too, is foggy and seems a little scary right now. If nothing else, I can now at least listen to their music and know, this is not all there is. This is not the end. In that vein, I leave you all with one of the most famous phrases from one of their songs: We'll Carry On. We will get through this, one way or another. May Death Never Stop You. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

#mychemicalromance #mcr #mcrmy #killjoys

[fishbowlbong]

Missed connection

For the sake of your privacy, we will call you Bean (and you would know why). 

I think you told me you were 28, at the time. My memory is getting foggy. We met at criminal court. You were working, and I was there in attempt to clear a warrant for my arrest for something totally classified, guys. They say that shit takes a whole of your day but I was just passing by on my lunch break with my fingers crossed and I managed to make it back to work on time. 

You saw me passing through the metal detectors, found out which court room I’d be in and waited for me outside. According to you, I took fucking forever. But in reality it’d only been like an hour tops.

 “What did you do?” 

“I don’t need to tell you.” 

“I can still find out. Call me?” 

“Pass me your phone.” 

“I can’t. You’ll get me in trouble. There are cameras here. Give me that paper you’re holding.” 

You later told me that you were going through a divorce with your wife, who you hadn’t fucked in a year, who was still pretending to sleep with you every night to keep the family together for the sake of your young child. You were very relieved to hear that I was 18. Technically you wouldn’t be in too much trouble, and I think you felt better knowing that I didn’t really understand what you were going through. I told you I’d started dating this boy who was just 3 years older than me, and not quite old enough. Actually, I was trying to dump him. 

You sent me a very naked photo. I thought it was hilarious. Not that anything looked funny. But that all I had to do was ask.

I wish I’d saved transcripts of our conversations. I never even thought about actually fucking you, and our dialogue gradually became less sexual until all we talked about were the deeper ends of the pool - ya know, shit like conceptual love and letting go of dead people. 

Your life was so fascinating to me, so fucking theatrical yet you were the only person willing to listen to me talk about my teenage relationship with my asshole boyfriend, and what he was doing to me. You never once told me that I was just young and stupid. I was young and stupid. I didn’t take your advice until much much later, which I can’t describe as regretful, but rather unavoidable. 

I wish we’d stayed in contact. Not for sex, duh. But I’d like to know how your kid is doing, and if you’ve finally found what you were looking for in another woman or if you’ve managed to fall in love with your wife all over again. But mainly, I wish I could at least tell you that I’m grateful, for your attention when I had zero friends and no guidance whatsoever during the most awkward stage of my life. You figured out quickly that I was just having my fun with you but still you were sincere and respectful. 

It’s 2017 - I’m not a teenager anymore, though I am still - if not more - reckless as ever, I think I’ve grown into my awkwardness and I’m a much better listener than I was at 18. I’ve been through at least 4 phones already, either lost while I was piss drunk or slipped out of my clumsy hands into a rain puddle, maybe toilet bowl. So I’ve lost your number and according to the KIK app, your phone’s been disconnected “for a while”. I know it’s a really fucking slim chance that you will read this, but just in case you do, you should write back via tumblr. And tell me your real name. (Well first name because that’s all you told me - I guess it was for your own safety - good call - even though you ended up telling me a whole fucking lot anyway…)

[namaste-cna-blog]

The End

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?"

Your heroes have been back in the UK for a little while now, so we've had some time to reflect on our holiday. Sadly, our early return meant that we had to skip a lot of what we wanted to do, of course, but given that we only narrowly avoided an aeroplane crash at Kathmandu airport and a serious outbreak of intercommunal violence in Sri Lanka, it seems we might have had a lucky escape. And while I, for one, am very glad to be back in a country where shops have just one price for each product (often - bizarrely - displayed on or near the product itself), where you can buy an actual pint in an actual pub, where almost everyone understands and obeys the rules of the road (to the extent where I felt relatively safe in Doug's car on the way back from the airport, even though it was dark and foggy and the driver hadn't slept in nearly 24 hours), and where you aren't stalked day and night by a host of thoroughly antisocial food- or water-borne diseases, we will miss a lot of things about the subcontinent. Therefore, today's post - the last one in the current series - will serve as a kind of homage to India's many charms and whatever are the exact opposite of charms (Nepal can wait until we go back). And because this is the Internet, it's going to be in list form.

States / Union Territories visited: 20 (not including Gorkhaland, sorry)

Distance travelled within India: At least 16,996km (10,622 miles), including 193km (121 miles) trekking, 5,859km (3,662 miles) by car/bus/taxi, and 10,974km (6,859 miles) by train. Excludes several elements, e.g. aeroplane travel (we were careful not to take any internal flights, but we went quite a long way in Indian airspace on our way in), sojourns about town by rickshaw/tuktuk/taxi/foot, camel rides, journeys to/between places too small to find on Google Maps, or dashes to the toilet.

Photos: 3,997 (excluding selfies)

Selfies: Infinity

Decks of cards ruined: 5

Train journeys: 23

Wasted train tickets: So many...

Mobile top-ups: 1 (credit lasts FOREVER in India)

Games of Shithead: 728 official C&A championship games, but many dozens more unofficial "friendlies", including D&A games and those where third parties were involved

Visitors: 4 (or 5 if you count Doug, although that was in Nepal and C wasn’t around to see him, or 7 if you include Chris and Nick, but we were on the wrong side of the country when they came out, so that’s up for debate)

Best view: Kanchenjunga at dawn, but there were so many amazing views that this is like asking a mother which of her children she loves most (not my mother, obvs, but you understand the analogy)

Incidents of theft: 0 (Indians are far more interested in convincing you to give your money away "willingly", for example by charging 200 rupees for a ten-second tuktuk ride, than they are doing anything as gauche as stealing your wallet)

Final Shithead score: It doesn't really matter any more

Final condition of cards: Safely stored away

PS Now that we are back in Bristol aka The Promised Land aka The Shire, we are starting a new life of clean(ish) air and refreshingly little knife crime. Despite the - hopefully genuine - promise of a lot less adventure than one might expect in The Big Smoke, we'll still do our best to enjoy ourselves, and might even stick some cool stuff online. Watch this space (or actually look out for a slightly different space which doesn't have a gert big map of India at the top, but also on Tumblr - which now works brilliantly because of the extraordinary WiFi and 4G in this country, which I won't complain about for at least a month). Thanks for reading.

Home sweet home, Bristol