#i just hate how easily swayed i am with opinions and now i'm just second guessing myself :(

[funkymbtifiction]

Fi development in ENFPs

I'm binge watching The baby sitters club new season and one of the new characters' struggle really resonated with me

I'm entering my thirties and I've been getting an itch regarding Fi. It's my second function and definitely not a weak one, but it seems that I want to take it to another level. I wonder if you've experienced this too? 

My Ne loved 'openness' all my life. Every new option, opinion, path, idea was valid and deserved exploring. It made life exciting and fun, but also very 'airy' in a way because I didn't have a solid ground to stand on the way Fi doms do. I too wasn't solid, but ever-changing. 

Along with having some likes and dislikes, I experienced Fi the way you once described - by just knowing what I want to do when a situation arises. But I want more than that from it!!! I want stability! I want a strong sense of self! I want the exploration circle around me to become smaller and more defined.

I don't want to give people and their mindless talks and opinion more time than they deserve because my Ne can't let go of the possibility that I might be on to something. I want to have consistent hobbies that I know inside out through my Si. I want to make decisions regarding relationships that are bad for me and stick to them instead of always being overly optimistic about what it could be like if I tried one more time. I want to have my own thing and be my own person. I don't want to be easily swayed. 

At this age I'm starting to be embarrassed by these tendencies. And I never thought I'd ever say this but I want to be more judgmental. I used to think of it as a negative word, but now I think differently.  

Which character from TBSC? I watched the new season yesterday and am curious. (Dawn? She was in last season. Mallory or Jesse?)

I can relate. For me it's like... wading through ideas about myself to find the real me. I am simultaneously almost doggedly determined to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not think badly of them, even when they do me wrong (they must have a good reason), while feeling super judgmental most of the time. I have a hard time letting Fi just... sit in its feelings and have that be justification enough to act a certain way. I have this tendency to want to ignore my feelings, because it's so much easier to let everyone else's views stick to me, and be a substitute for my own. It's almost like I abdicate myself from the equation a lot of the time in favor of being... accepting?

I feel lost about my identity and who I am sometimes -- but for me, it's more of a superficial sense of being lost. Like, my head space about myself isn't sure who I am, but it's very clear who I am, when I look at myself through the lens of Fi rather than Ne. Ne sees all that I could be and aren't and finds that frustrating, and gets caught up in what others have said about me / how they have judged my flaws and character traits, and instead of digging deep, I just interact with things on a superficial, almost flippant level. Like, nah, that doesn't bother me a bit. (Wait... does it?)

IFPs seem way more comfortable going "NOPE." Without justification or explanation, just no, I hate this. I may feel the exact same way -- hate it -- but my mind automatically shelves it for a "second chance" or a "second look." People can rub me the wrong way, but I don't slam the door on them immediately. I leave it cracked open "in case my initial impression was wrong." Sometimes it's good that I do this, since it leads me to good people who were having a bad day that morning, but it can also cause me to fall in with people who aren't the best for me. I also have this awful habit of ignoring how people 'strike me' in a bodily sense -- of not noticing if they exhaust me physically (because they take a toll on me mentally) or make me tense, and it registers later and passes, and I forget about it until the next time I spend time with them and feel tired afterward.

In some way, my hobbies are very consistent. Even... too few of them. I pretty much just write, all the time. Everything is writing in some form. I just knew that was my first love when I was a kid, and it's been my first love ever since, and it supersedes everything else. So in that way my Fi is super strong, because it immediately identified the thing I cared about the most. But those moments are rarer than the ones where I don't have a Fi reaction either way, so I leave the door cracked. The only way to really 'develop' Fi in a secondary position is to... sit with it longer. Stop moving long enough to think about how you feel and to react on an inward level and to create boundaries out of that. This is okay, that's not okay, I don't have to justify it, or feel like I'm being narrow-minded, or give that person another chance. That way you strengthen it enough that it can somewhat harness the while horses of Ne that want to carry you all over the place.

#question #enfp #mbti

[shijiujun]

Hi! Is it okay to ask you for a small advice? I started reading Thousand Autumns recently (currently on chapters ~85-88) and I'm having a bit of a problem with Yan Wushi's character. I am so turned off by his behavior towards SQ for the whole novel up to this point and I just wonder - is it gonna get better...? I can't stand seeing him openly abusing SQ and treating him like shit, I'm sorry (1)

I know he's evil and it's expected of him to be bad but with future romance prospect I'm really struggling to like the relationship between him and SQ; and if in the first half of the novel I didn't expect big changes, now I keep hoping to see something different from him but I'm not seeing much. He keeps treating SQ horribly. I'm not sure if I can forgive him for what he's done and has no remorse whatsoever - (2)

- abusing SQ and manipulating him, using him as an experiment as if he's a toy to play with; selling him to a r*pist knowing he'll be tortured to death...! And after everything that happend I still barely see anything good in his attitude towards SQ. I can't help but think SQ deserves so much better. I suppose I should try to have some hope for the upcoming chapters to be better? Is it worth it to continue reading or nothing will change? Excuse me for writing so much, Thank you

---

Heya! Oooof okay so you’re totally valid, Yan Wushi isn’t like a character for everyone - so let me break it down with the first part and then the second part where his attitude turns for the better XD

Spoilers under the cut

Before SQ goes to save him:

Yan Wushi does have a goal which is to play mind games with Shen Qiao and (1) throw him into despair (2) try to see if Shen Qiao is a worthy opponent - sure, he’s an asshole with an agenda of his own. YWS doesn’t believe that there is any good in anyone - he thinks Shen Qiao is a hypocrite and that everyone will turn evil given the right circumstances, and so YWS doesn’t trust anyone, or even considers anyone as an equal to him.

He wants to see Shen Qiao become evil basically and does everything he can to direct him towards that but I’d say his actions (with two exceptions) fit his character and the two motives above pretty well and I’m not sure I’d count it as abuse (based on my understanding of abuse, feel free to disagree). I think it’s easy to forget that Shen Qiao is not delusional or naive or ‘innocent’, and he does not paint YWS as some saviour or a friend (at least in the beginning) - he knows who YWS is, knows that he’s insane, not compassionate, totally evil etc. even from the start the moment he realizes that YWS and his disciple lied to him.

1. He lies to Shen Qiao that he’s his shizun, and then sends him to kill someone, but he’s not there to enforce it

2. Throws him out on the streets without his memories, but Shen Qiao is anything but a weak youngling, once again, YWS doesn’t do anything to him

3. YWS turns up at the temple and has Shen Qiao read the scripture - SQ’s not sure what’s going on at first but he more or less figures it out, but also the scripture reading inadvertently helps to heal him (and YWS knows this)

4. YWS flirts with Shen Qiao for a reaction for a while, he’s not genuine of course, but Shen Qiao knows he’s not genuine

5. YWS doesn’t help Shen Qiao out when he’s faced with an opponent while he’s still injured just to see how long Shen Qiao can hold out for - but firstly, Shen Qiao never really expected him to help in the first place, because he has no delusions about the man - and YWS ends up helping anyway, of course not out of the kindness of his heart, but I don’t see why I should hold that against him XD

6. Stands by and watches as Shen Qiao and his shidi Yu Ai have their confrontation - Sure, he’s there to watch the drama, but it’s Shen Qiao who makes the decision to go with him - the lesser of two evils

7. Forces Shen Qiao to fight him while he’s still injured because he wants to see if Shen Qiao’s recovery level has reached a certain point, enough to be an adversary worth dealing with - yes, he’s forcing Shen Qiao to fight when he’s still blind and weak, but throughout the fight you realize that YWS is right - it’s that very battle that basically lets SQ recover his previous abilities by a bit. He’s not hurting SQ for the fun of it (out of sadism or shit) - he purely (or evil-ly) wants to know if SQ is every bit of the skilled warrior he’s heard about 

The exceptions are these: (1) When he plants the demonic seed thing in his heart (2) When he trades SQ to Sang Jing Xing for his sword, knowing full well that SJX has a habit of sexually torturing his prisoners - I feel like YWS was almost warming up to SQ when his habit of distrust and everything kicked in and he reverted back to his cynical self - Not an excuse for what he did though, because yes Shen Qiao especially didn’t want the demonic seed thing firstly (and YWS knows this), and then he despaired at being left to SJX. This is the incident that has SQ basically give up on YWS and allows him to erase any notion of him ever becoming friends with YWS. I’m also rather curious how exactly SQ kind of like got over this - but in the settings of the book, I guess it’s explained away with (1) SQ actually fully recovering as a result of this incident (2) SQ has a big heart, and forgives YWS after - but whether or not that’s convincing, that’s up to every reader.

After SQ goes to save him:

1. So after the SJX incident - where he chose to self-destruct and die, taking SJX along with him but ended up surviving and being able to cultivate properly again from the start (previously he couldn’t because he could only recover to a certain extent as there was some blockage etc., but the blast in this incident clears the blockage) - and after he’s sort of recovered like 50-75%, he hears of an ambush on YWS by the leaders of like 5 other sects, and decides to go forward to save him 

2. Not because he harbours any like delusions on YWS, but to show him that despite all YWS has done to him (especially with SJX), SQ is still SQ, and he still adheres to his own principles, that YWS did not make him change his mind about being good basically

3. YWS’s views of him starts to change because of this - YWS has never found someone with this much grit to stick to his own principles etc., to still be kind and righteous basically despite being betrayed again and again. Of course this does not excuse the fact that YWS did indeed deliberately leave him to a potentially painful death with SJX - and SQ doesn’t forget either. 

4. SQ saves YWS, and then his heart melts because while YWS is recovering from the ambush, he has two other personalities that show up - so YWS when he was much younger, then YWS when he was a teenager, and YWS now. So YWS as a kid and teen are more trusting and open, and SQ likes kid YWS a lot (like as kid brother), and now-YWS wakes up occasionally from the switch in personas, he realizes that SQ likes kid-YWS and starts thinking about why SQ hates him and likes his kid self.

5. Even then, YWS still does try to jump ship once and leave SQ and other evil people behind in a dangerous cave, but thankfully teen/kid-YWS personas fight to turn up in time, and then YWS goes back for SQ

6. SQ knows this - he doesn’t think YWS has had a sudden change of heart or shit, and knows full well that if it was now-YWS, if kid-YWS didn’t turn up, he would probably be left to think about how to leave the cave on his own

7. YWS’s behaviour towards SQ does a 180 - now that he knows he cannot sway SQ, he starts to listen to SQ, and despite all the barbs on the surface, even if he disagrees with SQ’s positive outlook, he makes an effort to contribute and consider SQ’s opinion even if he doesn’t, intrinsically, believe in it. Starts putting himself in front of SQ, and of course SQ doesn’t believe this all the way to the end, where he realizes that he actually, just that tiny little bit, has started liking YWS and doesn’t want him to die.

8. Then they confirm their relationship in the extras, and YWS does do that hot-and-cold thing once so SQ figures out his feelings for him properly - It’s SQ that initiates the confirmation at the end I think

---

I think at some level, YWS cannot stand how naive Shen Qiao is, and some of the things that he’s leading Shen Qiao to think about/discover are valid - And throughout the book it’s proven true - SQ is kind to Chen Jing, but Chen Jing sells him out (not just once but thrice). He’s kind to and has always doted on Yu Ai, but Yu Ai sells him out too. The elders in his sect - some of them obviously turned to Yu Ai over him despite SQ never having given them reason to doubt him. I don’t think YWS is being deliberately cruel (or abusive) - he’s forcing SQ to look at reality, a reality that YWS sees and lives in.

He always asks Shen Qiao why he trusts others so easily, and afterwards, Shen Qiao does admit that YWS is right in this aspect - he won’t give up his ideals and how he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but through YWS, he realizes he needs to be able to think ahead to protect himself and the ppl around him.

Doesn’t excuse the SJX thing YWS did, and I’m sure SQ doesn’t conveniently forget about that either, but in terms of how/why they got together, I guess it’s because despite everything they do know each other best, and are soulmates (tho not only in the sugar-spice-and-everything-nice way i.e. SQ does think YWS is handsome and YWS thinks SQ is the cutest thing ever later). SQ has seen the worst of YWS, and YWS has seen the worst of him - and SQ is made to realize that what he was before was not the best path he could go on because of YWS, but he adjusts his attitude slightly and holds on to his ideals sufficiently. 

On the other hand, YWS still does not believe everyone except his Ah Qiao can truly say they’re good and keep to it in every way, still thinks the worst of a lot of people if not all, but he stops to consider SQ’s POV and input now, whose opinions and every action now mean more to him than anything else ever will. Of course he has to prove himself and earn SQ’s trust back, but I guess he also doesn’t expect SQ to reciprocate, even after he developed feelings for SQ, knowing full well that he’s a mofo and SQ has every right to hate him after all he did.

They don’t fix each other, they’re not each other’s salvations, but they fit and come sort of to a truce, despite having differing views and principles.

Manipulation? Sure, but I think we forget that Shen Qiao is not a victim (except the part where he’s given to SJX) and his agency in every situation is apparent - He’s pretty clear-minded, he knows what Yan Wushi is doing, knows what his character is like, knows that he’s doing/saying things all to get a reaction out of him. He doesn’t expect YWS to help him either, because he knows YWS is here for fun and games. He doesn’t go along with YWS just because, either. He just made a wrong call by trusting that YWS reciprocated his feelings of friendship (not that it’s his fault at all), but that is certainly a moment of weakness he probably regrets.

---

In summary, I personally wasn’t all that put off by YWS’s behaviour, altho I agree the SJX incident is pretty much unforgivable. For me I read this more from the SQ perspective, because his strength shines in every moment and interaction with YWS and overshadows YWS by a lot, which is why the end makes sense to me.

In response to your question - yes YWS does get better when he’s finally totally convinced that SQ is not a hypocrite (although yeah it takes him a while to get there). And for me it’s nice to see Shen Qiao figure out himself, and also his feelings for YWS after, but also never once compromising himself for YWS.

But YWS is definitely less palatable than most other characters in danmei, so it’s natural if you dislike him and remain unconvinced! It happens XD If you hate this, I suggest you try Wu Shuang! Set in the same universe and timeline, and actually doesn’t have much angst - full on bantering between the main CP, constant veiled insults etc.

#qian qiu #asks

[sulietsexual]

I'm the same anon who asked you if you could write a Faith meta a month ago. I just read what you were looking for. I want a meta on why Faith acts the way she does, what attracts her to the "darkness" inside of her, why she compares herself to Buffy, why she is so sexually aggressive, and how she deals with her redemption and trying to be a better person.

You know, Nonnie, thereason this meta has taken so long to complete is because I have reallystruggled with it, and I have no idea why. Faith Lehane is a character I knowinside out, and yet every time I have attempted to write this meta and answeryour questions, I’ve gotten stuck. So, I’m just going attempt a method I usewhen I have writers block, and that is simply to write and see where I end up.So, apologies in advance, because this meta may not end up covering all of yourquestions, but at the very least, it will finally be done and will hopefullystill be a good read.

I don’t think I’mexaggerating when I say that I have never identified as deeply with a characteras I once did with Faith Lehane. This girl was everything I was in my youth –lost, guarded, self-destructive, promiscuous, aggressive and above all ridiculously broken. When she firstturns up in Sunnydale, she is initially presented as a light, carefreepersonality, but within that very first episode we see that all is not as itseems with Faith, as she ends losing control and pummelling a vampire into abloody mess while patrolling with Buffy. The revelation that her Watcher wasbrutally murdered in front of her goes a way to explain her behaviour, but aswe see over the season, there is something verybroken in Faith.

We know little aboutFaith’s background other than she was raised by a single, alcoholic mother, whopassed away at some point before Faith arrived in Sunnydale. From her overalldemeanour and attitude, it would be safe to say that Faith suffered some sort of abuse as a child, as sheprojects a very tough and invulnerable front to the world, and clearly hatesfeeling or being perceived as weak, something a lot of abuse victims have in common. Herattitude towards men suggests some sort of sexual abuse or, at the very least,sexualisation from a young age. When girls are sexualised from young, they cancome to both loathe and grow attached to their perceived attractiveness and“sexiness”, believing that not only is it theirfault that they attract unsavoury and/or older men, but also that this isall there is to them, that their sex appeal is their only weapon and that noman could ever see past this and actually want them for who they actually are.

We certainly seeevidence of this with Faith through many of her interactions with malecharacters. She attempts to call The Mayor “Sugar Daddy” indicating that shebelieves that he will demand some sort of sexual payment for her new digs.Later in the series, we see her seduce Robin Wood, then rebuff him the nextday, only for him to actually persist in his romantic pursuit of her, throwingher off-guard when she realises that he may actually want to get to know herand start a relationship. And then there is her rape of Riley, after which hesays “I love you” to her while believing that she is Buffy, and her reaction tohis words, which shake her so badly that she immediately tries to escape thesituation, tearfully asking Riley “What do you want from her?”.

Faith’s disconnect fromemotion-based sex is, I believe, another indicator of possible sexual abuse orassault in her past. Victims of rape often detach from the act of lovemaking,unable to associate the act with positive emotions, because it was turned intosomething violent and ugly. This is one of the reasons a lot of women who wereabused/assaulted as children/teenagers enter the sex industry, as sex becomessomething unemotional, something easily given and forgotten about. We certainlysee this with Faith, who speaks of men in terms of things to be used anddiscarded, never allowing her emotions to get in the way.

Faith is also a verysexually aggressive person, once again indicating that she may be a victim ofsexual assault. Abuse is like a cycle, with many victims growing up to beabusers due to the deep psychological scars they carry, and Faith certainlyseems to fit this pattern, attempting to rape Xander and later actually rapingRiley and possibly Buffy too (it’s unclear as to whether she did rape Buffy,given that Buffy’s consciousness was not actually in her body at the time ofthe rape). But this aggression, coupled with her general aggression and sadism,could definitely indicate sexual assault or abuse.

Outside of her sexualactivity and attitude, there is still so much to unpack when it comes to Faith.Like Buffy, she suffers simultaneously from an inferiority and superiority complex, both sides of which drive her over the courseof Seasons 3 and 4. When she arrives in Sunnydale she and Buffy are equallyjealous of each other, but while Buffy’s jealousy (mostly) disappears after oneepisode, Faith’s jealousy of Buffy follows her through pretty much the wholeseries, and is a major driving factor in her hatred towards and victimization of Buffy.

Part of this jealouslycomes from her romantic feelings for Buffy, but I believe the deeper reasoning forthis jealousy comes down to everything Buffy has versus everything Faithdoesn’t. When Faith first arrives in Sunnydale she is confronted with a lifeshe could have had – a Watcher, aloving mother and a close friendship group. She sees how all these people adoreBuffy, how they are all there for her and support her. Faith, never having had any of these (bar the Watcher part, andeven then, only for a short period of time) naturally grows extremely jealousof Buffy, wondering why Buffy gets everything Faith has ever desired while sheis left out in the cold. And, to be perfectly frank, Buffy doesn’t exactly domuch to sway Faith from this frame of mind.

In-Universe (and evenin the fandom) everyone (including Faith once she starts her redemption) claimsthat Buffy was always there for Faith, that she tried so hard with her, that Faith was so lucky to have Buffy as afriend. Except, this isn’t really true. In my opinion, Buffy never really tried with Faith. She wasopenly jealous and distrustful of Faith when Faith first turned up, she keptFaith out of the loop when Angel returned, made a half-hearted attempt to talkto her after the Gwendoline Post incident, but gave up before even reallytrying (even though it was painfully obvious Faith wanted to open up but didn’tknow how), talked about hanging with Faith but never followed through, andreally only genuinely tried with Faith when she had Angel try to talk her downafter the murder of the deputy mayor, an event which I feel Buffy herselfshould take some responsibility for, and an action which I suspect was fueledpartially by Buffy’s own guilt.

When you add all ofthis together, the jealousy, the inferiority complex and the lack of friendshipand reciprocity from Buffy, it’s easy to see why Faith turns on Buffy (and byextension the Scoobies) so completely, especiallywhen you compare their treatment of her to the way the Mayor treats her.Where the Scoobies and Giles never seemed to much care for Faith, treating herwith apathy and even downright mistrust (even before she had done anything toearn said mistrust), the Mayor not only instantly accepts her, but makes itvery clear that he cares about her. He moves her out of the flea-bag motel theScoobies and Giles were happy to leave her in, makes her feel welcome and lovedand, above all, special. In theMayor, Faith finds the parent she has always wanted, the love and acceptanceshe has always craved, and the feeling of belonging she has been striving toachieve ever since she arrived in Sunnydale.

Now, I am in no waycondoning Faith’s actions towards Buffy and the Scoobies, nor am I trying toexcuse the evil that she has done. Faith alone is responsible for her actions.However, given her history with the Scoobies and their treatment of her, it iseasy to see the reason why she turned on them so completely. She sought loveand acceptance with them, and instead received distrust and disdain. When shefalls into her coma, they barely give her a second thought, and upon waking,she finds that everyone has moved on without her, a fact which greatly distressesher and puts her back on her path or darkness.

Post-coma, however, somethinghas changed in Faith. Possibly tied to the fact that the world has moved onwithout her, possibly influenced by her grief over losing the Mayor and possibly tied to the nightmares and psychological trauma she underwent while in her coma,the Faith who emerges in Season 4 is far more self-loathing and suicidal thanwe have ever seen her. While Faith was never a great example for self-esteem,the Mayor’s love and support gave her enough hope and light that she was ableto overcome her suicidal tendencies (which are evident almost from her firstappearance) and learn to accept and even moderately like herself, even despiteall her evil. Without the Mayor, she is lost, with no one in her corner, and soall her old issues come to the surface, not to mention several new ones.

The Faith who comes outof the coma is not the same girl who fell off the roof at the end of Season 3. The Faith who comes outof the coma is lost, self-loathing, weighted down by the guilt of her pastactions and unable to see any solution except death. She still goes after andseverely victimizes Buffy (and by extension Riley), but this time around she’snot driven by hatred or jealousy or even her own sadism, but by a desire toescape herself. She steals Buffy’s body and identity, and through this, startsto realise that there may be more for herself out there, the opportunity tohave love and acceptance, to do good the way Buffy does, and this exacerbatesher self-loathing, culminating in her brutal beating of her own image beforeshe escapes to L.A.

Her appearance in thetwo-parter AtS episode is Faith at her lowest, most broken and most self-hatingand suicidal, as we see her kidnap and brutally torture Wesley. Wesley’storture is probably one of Faith’s most heinous crimes, showing just how farshe has fallen. While Faith is and always has been a dark person, her tortureof Wesley is less about her own sadism and more about her self-loathing anddesire to end her life, as she uses Wesley’s torture to try to push Angel intokilling her. The weight of her guilt, her darkness and the memories of hercrimes have pushed her to a place where she believes death is not only the onlyoption for her, but also the most fitting punishment, evidenced as she screamsat Angel “I’m bad, I’m evil” and begs him to end her life.

Luckily for her, Angelrefuses to do so, recognising a soul who needs saving and identifying with thedarkness that lies within Faith’s heart. Through Angel, Faith is able to takeher first step towards redemption, because Angel offers her safe haven andsanctuary, while simultaneously making sure Faith knows that she must makeamends, that she can’t outrun her past and that she must face the consequencesof her actions, and through all of this, Faith finally realises that she willnever find peace or happiness unless she makes a genuine attempt at redemption,until she truly faces the repercussions of all her crimes. As she sits in thejail cell in the final shot of Sanctuary, we see, possibly for the first time,an accepting Faith, a Faith ready to face consequences, a Faith who mightfinally find some inner peace.

While Faith doeseventually find some peace and learn to accept herself, she continues tostruggle and fight against the darkness within. While Faith is, in part, shapedby her circumstances, the abuse she has suffered and the rejection she hasdealt with, there is a part of her which is just dark, part of who she is at her core. This innate darkness is whatFaith struggles with on a day-to-day basis, an inner demon she must learn tocontrol and live with. Similar to the darkness which resides within Angel,Faith’s more sadistic side genuinely enjoys inflicting pain, and the fight tokeep it under control will probably follow her for the rest of her life, especially since she gave in to it, letit free and got a taste of it. Because she let the beast out, it tasted blood,liked the taste, and keeps demanding more. Similar to the way alcoholics mustresist liquor, Faith must resist her darkness, which we see her do time andagain when she returns to AtS and BtVS in later seasons.

I feel like there ismore to write, as Faith is such a complex character that she could probablyinspire novels of meta, but I alsofeel that I have rambled on long enough, so I am going to tap out here. Icannot apologise enough for how long this meta has taken, and I also apologisethat it may not have covered everything you asked for, but hopefully it hasprovided you with a good read and a greater appreciation for the amazinglycomplex character that is Faith Lehane.

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #btvs meta #faith lehane #Anonymous #answered #long post #meta