#i just hope i can ride it out and not get too self destructive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stillfrownyclownlol · 4 months

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Oh nooooo somebody stole my Aidlyn/Ashden headcanons so now I have to write more ... ✨️

(SORRY IM SPAMMING THE TAG 😭😭😭)

Some of these are based on my dad because he has bpd and he really reminds me of Aiden.

-His sense of humor is so broken like. Probably makes "that's what she said" and "your mom" jokes. Ash thinks he is the unfunniest person alive 🤡 and she STILL laughs at him (but never when he's trying to be funny). I think he'd be on Vine a lot lmao. He would laugh at that video of the bread slice falling over no cap.

-Aiden Clark, Professional Doomscroller. Maybe an itty bitty bit addicted to social media cuz "omg easy dopamine hit" even if he doesn't post a lot. Would prolly be chronically on TikTok if he was a teen today 🤡 Ash WILL steal his phone and hide it so they can "do something productive" (which alternates between her trying to teach him basic life skills to him falling out of a tree because they went outside for five minutes)

-her parents also gave him a truly awful shovel talk. He came out of it, kneeled in front of her, and said if he broke her heart to kill him before her parents did 💖 Tyler and him bond about their "scary in laws", although he has a better relationship with Mike and Emma than Tyler does with Mary and James 🤡

-convinced her to go to prom because "free food" and managed to wrangle out a slow-dance from her. He already likes dancing, SHE likes dancing...he wants to dance together ^_^

-She really likes his normal smile, when he's not forcing it. He takes good care of his teeth, so he's got a real bright smile :)

-Aiden tried to teach her how to skateboard a few times. She can...stand on it without falling off and roll around, but no tricks lol. Ash still thinks it was just an excuse for him to grab her hands or waist while she was balancing.

-Some problems in the relationship: they are not very good at communicating how they feel, so there's a lot of misunderstandings between them unless the gang intervenes haha ":D Sometimes Ash feels very suffocated by him and she really dislikes his apathy towards himself, and Aiden sometimes feels like Ash doesn't care about him nearly as much as he cares about her.

-his depressive episodes alternate between "I'm just gonna lie here and hope I die" to "actively trying to self destruct", sometimes he might go on a binge (overdosing on his meds, and when he's older he might sometimes drink too much or go on really dangerous joy rides, he's an awful driver), they really freak Ash out :( Recovery is a very long road with no end destination. She's trying to get better at reassuring him and he's trying to...just get better.

-both of them suck at remembering their anniversary 🤡 Aiden is a littleeeee bit better

-They have a knife collection they share ❤️

-he has her as "love of my life 💖✨️😍" on his phone contacts and has a special ringtone for her and everything. Absolutely not embarrassed about it, Ash...definitely is 💀 (she has him as "Aiden")

-sends her really bad poetry he wrote for her because writing his feelings down by himself is easier than saying it in the moment. Ash keeps all of them in a shoebox in her closet.

-she's not really good with touching and stuff but she feels better touching him, like a good stim. Really likes holding his face (no eye contact). Also enjoys him holding her hand.

-Secretly a little insecure about how she looks. She has never really thought about it before because she never cared about it, but now, in a relationship, she's kinda self conscious about him perceiving (read: constantly staring) her. She's very short and thin (even with muscles from ballet and training) and feels like a "late bloomer." Aiden thinks she's the closest thing to physical perfection that exists and will tell her this constantly ^_^

-She actually likes how he smells (grâce à: his really expensive soap lmao) but she would die before telling him lol

-The first time she kissed him her brain kinda shut off and she just squished their faces together while puffing her cheeks up. He bust out laughing and completely murdered the mood 💀 They'll figure it out...eventually

#heres a game: guess which ones are my dad lol #sbg #school bus graveyard webtoon #sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard #aiden clark #aidlyn #ashlyn banner #aiden x ashlyn #headcanon #tw self destruction

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missywritesfor7 · 2 months

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❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 9: Gone

The entire flight back to Korea was nerve racking for Yoongi. He wanted to drink to ease his nerves, but he didn’t want to get home and have Hyeri see him drunk. He can’t face her like that. He doesn’t think he can face her at all.

It’s a short flight that felt too long to him. The entire process of getting his luggage and getting into the waiting car felt like it took years. The ride home felt like a burning knife was twisting inside of him.

His steps to the elevator up to his apartment are heavy and once he gets to the door he pauses. He can’t face her. A flash of all of the shit he had done out of hurt is weighing heavy. How is he supposed to face her? What is he supposed to say to her?

He finally turns the handle and steps inside. He slowly makes his way towards the bedroom with his luggage in tow. The place is silent. He doesn’t see her in the living room or the kitchen. When he gets to the bedroom he sees nothing. He leaves his luggage near the bed and goes into the bathroom. Again he sees nothing. Wherever she is, she’s not here.

He stands in the middle of the room wondering what he’s supposed to do with himself now. She’s gone. She’s fucking gone.

“Fuck,” he sighs heavily.

He goes into the kitchen partially hoping that maybe he missed her, but he didn’t. She’s not in the kitchen. He goes into his liquor cabinet and finds his collection has been untouched. He grabs a bottle of whiskey and a glass and pours himself a drink. He takes a sip and shakes his head.

“I fucking deserve it,” he says to himself. He takes down the rest of the drink and pours himself another as tears start to roll down his cheeks. “I’m a fucking idiot. I fucking deserve it. I don’t deserve her. I don’t fucking deserve anything!”

He slams his fist on the counter and sucks down his drink. He pours another though he can hardly see through his tears. He curses himself some more while letting his tears flow at full force. He fucked up and he knows it. He can’t even blame her. She tried and tried but he pushed her further away, and he can’t even think of all of the things he had done while on tour. He takes down his drink that’s now diluted with his tears.

“Yoongi?”

He looks up and through his tears he can see Hyeri standing there looking not much better than he does. Her eyes are red and puffy and her hair is pulled into a sloppy ponytail. She looks distraught and his heart is shattered. He quickly steps to her and holds her tightly in his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” she cries returning his squeeze. “I’m so fucking sorry, Yoongi.”

He’s crying so hard that he can’t even speak. He feels relieved to see her, but so fucking guilty. He squeezes her tighter letting out a small sob.

“I did what I could,” she cries into his chest. “I had to make it right. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Hyeri,” Yoongi chokes out. “You deserve so much better than me.”

“Don’t say that!” She squeezes tighter ignoring how strong the alcohol on his breath is.

“I mean it,” he sobs. “I’m no fucking good for you. I just fuck things up.”

“Why are you blaming yourself? This is all my fault.” She takes a deep breath trying to control her voice. “I should have stood up for myself. For us. I should have realized how much this would hurt you. I should have fought back. So I finally did.”

“You did?”

“I did.” She sounds almost relieved. “I told them I wouldn’t go on with the lie any longer. I told them how much this has hurt me. I told them that I love you.”

“What?” He asks feeling even guiltier.

“I told them that I love you, Yoongi. I told them I wouldn’t lie about it anymore.”

“Hyeri,” he cries. “Fuck, I love you so much it fucking hurts. Why do you love me like this?”

“I won’t stop loving you.”

“You mean everything to me.” He’s clutching her as if his life depends on it. His vision is fogged and his mouth can’t utter another sound. He’s upset, but still he’s so damn happy to be home with her. He doesn’t want to let her go because she may never come back again.

She doesn’t mind because she doesn’t want to let him go either. He looks terrible, he smells like booze, and as she’s holding him she can tell he’s lost a bit of weight. It tears her up to see him like this.

“My Yoongi,” she cries. “What did I turn you into?”

Yoongi can only continue crying. She has no idea and he wants to keep it that way. He’s ashamed as it is having her walk in on him and see him after the few drinks he just had. She’s seen him drink. She’s seen him drunk. But she’s never seen him so far gone that he can’t remember anything the next day.

“Hyeri,” he whispers wiping tears from her cheeks. “The person I was during this tour is not me. I never want to be that person again. I want to be someone who is worthy of your love.”

“Don’t talk like that,” she snaps again. “I’m-I’m so sorry I hurt you to make you feel like that, but I’ll make it up to you everyday until I die.”

There’s a lot of tears and hurt between them. Many promises and plenty of guilt. They’re both broken. They wash themselves up in the shower while broken. They try to get each other to eat while broken. Yoongi has no idea how he’s going to get through tomorrow’s show while broken.

When they’ve calmed down a bit and can manage to talk to one another without getting emotional, they sit on the couch and Hyeri tells him about the meeting she had with her company. They weren’t very happy with her at all. She didn’t care though, she doubled down and stood her ground. She wasn’t dropped from the agency, but they warned her to not cause this type of trouble again.

She started to realize that maybe JJS isn’t all she thought they were when they went on about how they have to revise everything they planned to do when they were going to announce her and Kihyun’s split. She reiterated that telling the truth is better, but they only continued complaining.

Yoongi is understandably upset. He wants Hyeri to leave the company immediately. JJS has already caused too much pain and heartache between them. She’s better off starting her own company than staying with JJS, but she opts to give them another chance. She’s not happy about any of this, but she wants to at least give them a chance to redeem themselves.

The next day Yoongi wakes for rehearsal. He wishes he could say he feels rested and refreshed now that he’s able to sleep in his own bed, but it was anything but. He tossed and turned the entire night. He would be happy that Hyeri would still be next to him when he reached his arms out. Then he would get hit with guilt and roll back to his side of the bed.

The cycle continued a while. He got up for a drink of whiskey. Made sure Hyeri wouldn’t wake up and notice. Then he got back in the bed.

Hyeri couldn’t sleep either. She hasn’t slept much since Yoongi first left, but she thought with him back she’d sleep a bit easier now. She was wrong. Just like Yoongi, she couldn’t sleep for most of the night. Unlike Yoongi, she simply stayed in place. Anytime she can’t sleep she would always simply stay still with her eyes closed with the belief that it would make her fall asleep faster.

Yoongi knows this, but it didn’t occur to him that she would have been awake this night. She was. She didn’t move. She counted 4 times he wrapped his arms around her and then retreated. She heard endless sighs and groans from him. And she heard him get up to go into the kitchen.

She has no idea about how much he had been drinking on tour. The times she spoke to Namjoon, he told her Yoongi was having a hard time, but he never went into detail. She’s starting to see what he may have meant. Still, she’s not quite aware of the extent Yoongi’s drinking has gotten to.

At rehearsal Yoongi is not much better than he was any other time he showed up 3 drinks in. He told everyone that he and Hyeri talked and they’re going to try working things out. He didn’t go into detail or elaborate further. He left it at that. When they started rehearsing, the rest of the guys weren’t sure anything had been worked out.

Hyeri wanted to attend their concert, but she wasn’t sure Yoongi wanted her to. She decided to just wait for him to bring it up so she wouldn’t seem like she’s crossing the line or something. He never brought it up. He didn’t want to. He started drinking the moment he woke up, no way did he want her to see him like that.

Of course she managed to find someone streaming the show and she saw him anyway. She saw how hollow he seemed to be. He put on a great act, but she could see right through him. He’s not Yoongi and she feels responsible for it all.

She watches the show with tears running down her cheeks as she tries to think of a way to make everything better. She just wants to fix him. Fix everything she caused.

Yoongi had a few drinks through the show. He isn’t sure how many because he never keeps count, he just knows it was a lot. He managed to make it through the show, but not without a few choreo mistakes, some sharp looks from a frustrated Namjoon, and forced hydration from Jungkook.

Yoongi didn’t go straight home after the show. He stopped by his studio first. He didn’t need to, but he wanted to grab a few more drinks before going home. He needed a moment to himself. He knows he’s in bad shape and tonight’s show was a near disaster. He just wants to forget it.

He packs a few bottles into his bag then heads to his car. The drive home isn’t long but it’s agonizing. There’s so much going through his mind and all he wants is to numb it all completely. When he parks his car in the garage of his place, he pulls a bottle of soju out and quickly downs it. He’s not a big soju drinker, but it’s a good appetizer for the strawberry liquor he pulls out next. He drinks about half the bottle, wipes a rogue tear from his face, then takes a deep breath. He puts the half empty bottle back in his bag and gets out of the car where he disposes of the empty soju bottle.

He’s a little surprised to see Hyeri still awake when he gets inside. She’s lounging on the couch with the tv on but her eyes are on her phone. She thought he stayed behind to do a live with the guys, but when the notification came up on her phone she saw it was just Taehyung and Jimin. She waited a bit longer and realized Yoongi was most likely somewhere getting a drink. She decided to take pictures of all of his alcohol so she could track how much he drinks overtime.

She gets up to greet him as if she hadn’t spent most of the night crying. She gives him a hug and tries to go up for a kiss but he only pulls her in tighter and kisses her forehead. It’s the most painful forehead kiss to Hyeri. He’s been avoiding kissing her since he returned the day before. She didn’t understand why, but now she does. He doesn’t want to kiss her when he has alcohol on his breath. He doesn’t want her to know, but he doesn’t have to kiss her on the lips for her to smell it on him. She’s heartbroken.

He retreats to bed without saying much. She joins him and tries to get closer to him but he puts up a wall. He’s right next to her but she falls asleep feeling so lonely and entirely responsible.

As usual, Yoongi spends most of the next day in the studio. The guys have some rest time now that the tour is complete. He’s choosing to continue working so he can isolate himself while he drinks. He had a bit to drink before he left. Hyeri was still asleep so he indulged a bit then went to the studio.

The guys planned to have dinner together that night to celebrate the end of the tour and have one more get together before they all begin their vacation. Yoongi decided he would just stay in his studio until then and go to the restaurant straight from there.

When Hyeri woke up to an empty bed she already knew where he was. She also knew he wouldn’t have left without helping himself to a drink. She really wished she were wrong, but when she checked she noticed he had a bit of whiskey before he left. She’s disappointed but she also feels it’s all her fault.

She tries texting him, but his responses seem almost robotic. No matter how hard she tries to be humorous, he doesn’t respond the way she hoped he would. He at least tells her that he’ll be out with the members for dinner so she doesn’t need to wait up.

Of course she does wait up. There’s no way she wasn’t going to wait up for him. The sight of him breaks her heart and she’s taking responsibility for it. She helps herself to a glass of wine hoping it will make her feel less like shit and maybe make time go faster.

Of course it doesn’t do any of that. All it does is make her feel worse then puts her to sleep. She passed out on the couch still waiting for Yoongi.

About an hour later Hyeri wakes up to her phone ringing nonstop. She breaks out of her haze and sees that Jin is calling her.

“Na Hyeri!” Jin shouts as soon as she answers the phone. “I need your help! Hurry to the parking garage.”

“What?” She asks confused but concerned by his urgent tone. “Why? What happened?”

“I need help getting Yoongi upstairs. He’s too messed up and I can’t carry him alone.”

“What??” Hyeri jumps up and runs for the door. She knows it must be very bad when Jin can’t even carry Yoongi, who’s much smaller. “I’m coming down now!”

She rushes down the elevator as fast as it will take her and runs out to see Jin’s car parked right there by the door. He gets out of the driver side and opens the back door. Yoongi is laid across the backseat clearly heavily fucked up.

“What happened?” Hyeri asks in disbelief.

“It’s all my fault,” Yoongi slurs.

“I don’t know,” Jin responds. “We don’t know where he’s hiding these fucking drinks.” He grabs Yoongi’s arm and pulls him upright.

“I wish…” Yoongi mumbles slumping forward.

“Help me get him to bed,” Jin says.

They each grab an arm and try to pull him out of the car and to his feet. Yoongi leans into Jin’s chest trying to find some stability. Though she’s smaller, Hyeri tries her best to get Yoongi’s arm wrapped around her shoulder.

“Hyung,” Yoongi slurs as they slowly try to guide him inside. “She won’t hate…fuck me…”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you to bed,” Jin says.

“She won’t hate me, hyung!” Yoongi fusses. “I don’t deserve….fuckkkkk”

“What?”Hyeri says completely confused.

Jin says nothing and continues trying to keep Yoongi upright as they wait for the elevator. Hyeri isn’t sure what’s going on. She’s never seen him this bad, and now she’s curious to find out what the hell he’s talking about. They get Yoongi on the elevator and up to their floor. Hyeri rushes to get the door open and helps Jin usher Yoongi to the bed.

“How did he get like this? And…what is he even talking about?” Hyeri asks.

“I don’t know,” Jin shakes his head. “He seemed fine at first, then suddenly he was out of it.”

“She’s supposed to hate me,” Yoongi mumbles. “I hate me.”

Hyeri looks in shock. “What happened during the tour?” She asks.

“Honestly?” Jin asks about to hit her with bluntness. “You happened. He started drinking more and more and none of us could seem to catch him or stop him.”

“Why, hyung?” Yoongi mumbles.

“Are you going to be ok with him alone?”

Hyeri looks Yoongi over. She may not be ok if he tries to get up, but she doesn’t want to keep Jin. As long as Yoongi stays in the bed she feels she may be ok.

“Yeah,” Hyeri nods. “He’s in bed now so maybe he’ll just fall asleep.”

“Ok,” Jin nods. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Jin. I’ll keep you posted.”

Jin leaves and Hyeri is left standing next to Yoongi in the bed. His head is slowly rolling back and forth and hes still mumbling. Most of it is incoherent nonsense, but then he’ll say something else that makes her stop and listen for more.

“I don’t want to be me,” he slurs. “Hyung, I don’t remember….I don’t remember their names.”

“Yoongi,” Hyeri says softly hoping she can get through to him and get him to explain what he’s talking about.

“She never left my fuckingggggg….hyung….fuck I love her…”

“Yoongi?” She asks desperately trying to make sense of his drunken words.

“She shouldn’t love me….I’m so sorry.” He begins to sob but continues babbling through his tears. “I didn’t want to be me but I regretted it every fucking morning when I woke up a shitty fucking loser…I fucked everything up.”

“Yoongi, please.”

“She hurt me so bad but I never want to hurt her…do you know, hyung? Do you know after all of that, none of them were as good as she is. Not even close. I don’t even remember, hyung! It was just another night with another blowjob!”

“What??”

“What have I done?” He cries uncontrollably. “I didn’t want to hurt. Fuck!”

“Did you fuck someone else on tour?!” She knows he’s drunk and has no idea where he is or what he’s saying, but she couldn’t stop her outburst.

“No!!” Yoongi shouts. “Blowjobs, hyung! I just took it if they offered I’m fucking terrible!” He cries more.

“You…?” Hyeri is stunned and unsure how to feel. She isn’t even sure she’s hearing this right. “You got blowjobs from other people?!”

“The last one took my fucking money! My fucking Black card!” He shouts rolling to his side. “She deserves so much better than a piece of shit like me.”

“You really believe that?” She’s trying to hold back tears, but she really doesn’t know what she feels right now. “You believe that you’re such a terrible person that you decided to just become one?”

“I love her so fucking much, hyung, but she hurt me! More than once! I fucked it all up! I fucked….everythingggggg….fucccckkkkk!”

Hyeri can’t even speak anymore. This is all too much for her. He’s said a lot of things and she needs a moment to process it all. Tears fill her eyes as she looks down at this drunken mess who she no longer recognizes.

“Don’t tell her, hyung,” he cries into the pillow. “It would hurt her too much.”

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thatredheadwriter · 4 months

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New Suit

frankie morales x reader [3.3k]

Frankie needs a confidence boost after trying on clothes {I’ve certainly been there). You’re more than happy to help.

This is an NSFW oneshot for female reader with Frankie Morales of Triple Frontier. This work contains smut and mature language and should not be read by those under 18. As a writer, I will attempt to make accurate warnings for each of my fics, however, I cannot guarantee that I will identify each and every sensitive topic. My works regularly contain swearing, allusions to/mentions of sex, and canon-level violence.

Content Includes (but is not limited to):

pet names (baby, pup, etc)

body insecurity (Frankie, not reader)

f!dom

m!sub

teasing

lots of dirty talk

oral (m receiving)

Frankie pulls a brat card

hair pulling

hickeys/marking

stoplight system/scene check-in

thigh riding

saying nice things about your partner during sex (I guess this counts as praise?)

unprotected PIV sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy)

riding (receiver on top) position

allusions to the elusive A-spot

aftercare (that goes both ways!)

Please read at your own discretion and remember to consume your fanfiction responsibly.

“I look like an idiot!” Frankie calls from the bathroom, amongst a string of curses and odd noises you hope to god aren’t the destruction of anything too expensive.

“I know that’s not true. Do you want my help?” you start to rise from your spot on the bed but a quick, grumpy ‘no’ glues you to your spot.

Frankie Morales loves his friends. He’d do anything for them. Apparently, that includes wearing a suit, which is the one thing he’s been dreading like hell since Will asked him to be in the wedding party.

As curious as you are to see your diamond in the rough a little polished up, you haven’t enjoyed the anxiety the fitting process has caused him. It was Emily’s idea to use an online service, she knew there was no chance in hell to get all the guys in a tailor shop at one time.

“You can’t laugh, okay?” Frankie says from somewhere just his side of the door.

“Baby, I promise I won’t laugh.”

Frankie emerges from the bathroom looking like a kicked puppy, head hung low. It doesn’t match the sight before you.

A white button-down stretched across his chest serves as the perfect base for the dark blue suit that covers the rest of him. The crisp lines and structure of the jacket highlight all your favorite things about his physicality–the height, his broad shoulders, the little belly he despises that you absolutely love.

The pants are even better. While you can tell the waistband is a little snug, his thighs are skimmed just right in a way that makes you drool. You just know that if he turned a little you’d be treated to the sight of his ass draped in the same gorgeous fabric.

“How bad is it?”

Frankie’s question shocks you from your daze and you look at him like he’s grown a third head.

“Ex-fucking-scuse me, but I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” you unfold yourself from the bed as your partner starts to protest. “You look fine. Better than fine, actually. Baby you look fine.

“I’m not…don’t say that just to make me feel better.”

Frankie doesn’t want your words? Fine. You’ll just show him how you feel.

He hasn’t met your eyes since he stepped out of the bathroom with that damned suit on. And he doesn’t. Until you take his jacket lapels in your fists and use the grip to pull his body against yours.

“Look at me, baby,” you purr, looking up at him through your eyelashes. He meets your gaze with a mix of confusion and self-loathing. “You look absolutely stunning in that suit. And if it wasn’t a rental, I’d tell you to leave it on for what I’m about to do next.”

You steer him back towards the bed, your favorite man instantly turned to putty in your hands.

“What are you going to do?”

A wicked smirk curls across your face as you sink to your knees in front of him. “I’m going to remind you just how fucking gorgeous you are.” You don’t miss the way his nostrils flare when your rub your nose along the line of his thigh, dangerously close to the growing bulge just a few inches away. “Is that okay with you?”

“Fuck, yes,” Frankie grunts above you, hands balled in fists at his side.

“The blue really suits you, Frankie. Pardon the pun.” Your fingers trace absent patterns from the sides of his thigh to the edge of his waistband where his tummy presses against the fabric. “Such a shame to take it off, but if you really hate this suit there’s no point in buying it.”

“Nope.” There’s a tension to his voice, and his knuckles have gone white at his side. The amount of power, the amount of restraint before you, it has you dripping into your jeans.

“Strip then,” you order, sitting back on your heels.

It’s an excellent view as he slides the jacket down his arms, tugging a little harder as it gets caught on his biceps. His deft fingers make quick work of the pants. He unbuttons and zips them and in one quick motion you nearly miss they’re in a crumpled pile in the corner of the room.

You’re torn on where to look. On one hand, Frankie’s impressive cock is just inches away from your face, barely contained by the charcoal gray boxer briefs that are sporting the tiniest spot of precum. But above you is the embodiment of delayed gratification. You watch as pearl colored buttons are undone one at a time by fingers so large yet so nimble. Each one reveals more and more of his broad chest. Until finally it falls open to the trail of hair that disappears into the waistband of his boxers.

He tugs on the sleeves a couple times each before tossing it in a ball to join the jacket and trousers. His thumbs just hook into the waistband of his underwear when you stop him, hands over his.

“Allow me, baby,” you grin, saccharine sweet and deadly.

Slowly, like you’re taking apart a bomb, you slip an index finger into each side of his waistband before hooking your fingers and tugging ever so gently. The hiss of breath above you is telling of Frankie’s patience, and you look up at him with your most innocent pout.

“Don’t want to damage the merchandise.”

Once his impressive cock springs free, you tug them the rest of the way down and pull gently until Frankie’s stepped out of them. They unceremoniously join the growing pile of clothes.

“Such a handsome cock,” you say to no one in particular. Your hand slips around the base of him and he lets out half a sigh.

You can feel his eyes on you as you lean in slow and kiss the tip. You kiss him again, and again. But that first lick, oh it gets him every time. Just a small thing right under the tip, but it has his head dropped back and his ears turning bright red.

There’s no hurry in the way you enjoy Frankie’s cock. Whenever he takes control, which is more often than you do, you don’t get to take your time with him like this. To really relish every little catch of breath and muffled curse coming from above you. Slowly you begin to work him into your mouth—taking part of him, and then more.

When you bottom out at the base of his cock, nose pressed to his pelvis, a strangled moan leaves his throat. Almost involuntarily his fingers begin to card through your hair, scratching at your scalp in the way that sends tingles down your spine. You pull off almost immediately, an obscene amount of saliva dripping down your chin and off his cock.

“Ah, ah,” your hands slip up over his wrists and tug them away from your head and pin them gently to the bed by his thighs. “Did I say you could touch?”

“You’re killing me, pup,” Franke grits his teeth above you.

Your voice and gaze are sharp, “Hands off or I stop. Tell me who runs this show, flyboy?” While you wait for his response, your hand returns to his throbbing cock where you stroke him almost absentmindedly, if it weren’t for the way you were absolutely torturing him. Meanwhile, your eyes stayed fixed on his, a teacher waiting on the answer of her pupil.

“You. Fuck, you’re in charge,” he snarls behind gritted teeth.

That earns him a smile. He’s being so good after all.

In bed, Frankie usually takes and gives what he wants, and you’re happy to let him. But in times like these, both of you know who needs to take the reigns.

“Sit back on the bed for me, Francisco.” Your hand slows to a stop and you stand from the floor. “I want to show you something.

He does as you ask without hesitation and watches enraptured as you strip off your saliva spotted t-shirt and shimmy out of your jeans. His cock stands proudly at attention, glistening in the early afternoon light as he takes in your lace clad form.

It’s not a fancy set, a cotton bralette and matching thong. However it just so happens to be his favorite. You had a feeling suit fitting would at least warrant a little treat.

But Frankie doesn’t get to enjoy it all yet.

“Do you want to see me cum?”

You’re facing the wall, and from the mirror in the corner you see the way his cock twitches at the thought. A low groan rumbles from his chest as he fights the urge to relieve himself in the slightest and instead answers with a breathy, “Yes.”

“Francisco, do you deserve to see me come?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

His words hit you like cold water, and you turn with fire in your eyes.

Slowly and deliberately you come to stand before him before straddling one of his thighs and lowering yourself down. Your eyes stay locked with his the entire time.

In a quick move--that you learned from him--your hand jets up his back to grab a fistful of luscious curls. Using the leverage you yank his head back, exposing the column of his neck and earning yourself a needy whine from the large man beneath you.

“No, you fucking don’t,” you whisper in his ear. And then you’re devouring him, holding him in place by the thinnest tether. Your lips and teeth move down the prominent muscles and tendons of his neck, memorizing every groan and whimper along the way until you’re nipping at his collarbone and you feel precum start to drip on your thigh.

When you finally pull away, the both of you are panting, and need wells deep within his eyes.

“Color?” you breathe, dropping the persona for just a moment and releasing your hold on his hair to sweep a stray curl away from his brow.

“Green.”

You give him a soft smile and a deeper kiss than you intended before pushing him away, hands flat on his chest. From there they travel, caressing down his arms until you find his wrists. From thumb to middle finger, your hand doesn’t even come close to reaching.

Frankie watches silently as you guide his wrists behind him, a stifled moan when your tits press against him. You settle them behind his ass.

“Leave them there or I’ll get the cuffs.”

You kiss him again, and allow yourself to get lost in the usual rhythm of Frankie. Your hands find purchase on his shoulders as you begin to move your body against his, moving your clothed cunt against his thigh.

“Do you want to know how this is going to work, baby?” you croon lowly, just for the two of you to hear.

He nods silently, brow knit with the effort it’s taking him to keep his hands where they are without restraints.

“I’m going to hump your gorgeous fucking thigh here,” you giggle when he blushes ever so slightly, “And say all sorts of lovely things about you.”

“Yeah?”

The word is dripping in lust.

“Yes, baby. I’m gonna cum all over your thigh. And if you’re a good boy for me, I’m going to ride that pretty cock of yours until you fill me up, just like you like.”

“Shit.”

Despite the way you’re rocking your hips against him, you have to focus on your purpose with this exercise.

One of your hands slips its way back up into the base of Frankie’s thick hair. You run your fingers through his curls.

“I love these curls, you know. They drive me wild. You drive me wild, the way you’re always wearing that damn hat.”

His eyes are transfixed on the place where your core is rubbing against him, mouth parted as his breath comes in heavy pants.

“You’ve got this gray coming in, just here,” your other hand snakes up Frankie’s torso, cradling his tense jaw in your palm. “It makes you even sexier, you know. Eventually you’ll be my silver fox.”

Underneath you, Frankie harrumphs and looks away, but you’re quick to redirect his attention when you grab his chin.

“Uh-uh, baby, let me see those pretty eyes. I need you to hear me,” you tap the side of his face with your fingers, and grin wildly at the way he bares his teeth.

“God, this perfect fucking thigh. I could do this for ages. Get to watch you lose your mind while I use you like a toy.”

The hand around his back makes its way around to rest on the small swell of his belly. “This little belly you hate so much, I go feral for it. Love seeing you get soft for me. No one knows how deep you fuck me into the mattress at night.”

A familiar sensation is building at the base of your spine, and you bite back a moan that threatens to escape.

“Your friends are so lucky to have you. You’re brave, loyal, kind.” You nearly lose your rythm at the look of absolute anguish on Frankie’s face, but then your clit catches fabric and muscle just right, making your hips stutter as you cry out.

“You’re so strong and powerful and so fucking gentle,” you ramble, racing towards your high. “Fuck, Frankie. You can touch me. Hands on my hips, baby. I need to feel you.”

Frankie doesn’t need to be told twice. You can see the instant relief when his hands land on your heated skin, his forehead coming to press against yours.

“You-you’re a good man, Frankie. I mean that. You deserve so, so much,” you pant. When your eyes find his face again you notice a single tear has escaped down the side of his cheek.

“And I’m gonna cum for you.”

His hands help guide you through it, helping you stay balanced even as your toes curl and your fingernails dig into the meat of his shoulders. And when you’re finished, he waits for you to call the next move as you catch your breath.

“Good fucking boy,” you praise, reaching for his hand. Entwining your fingers, you bring his wrist to your mouth so you can kiss and bite at the pulse point there. “The best, my Francisco.”

WIth one last nip, you stand on shaky legs and push Frankie back onto the mattress. He knows what’s coming—and so does his cock. Poor thing is practically purple, dripping precum left and right.

He repositions himself up the bed, sitting up on his elbows to watch as you strip off your soaked thong and bralette. His tongue traces his lip and you know he’s just dying to get his mouth on your chest.

“You ready for me?” you ask as you swing your leg over him, settling over his delightfully plush belly. He doesn’t answer at first, too enamored by the swell of your breasts right in his line of sight. “You can touch ‘em once you’re inside me, sweetheart.” You chuckle at his distraction.

“Fuck, I’m ready.”

You lift yourself up and hover for a moment as you line his aching shaft up with your cunt. There’s plenty of slick leftover from your orgasm, but it’s still a tight fit as you sink on top of him. Twin moans fill the room as you’re slowly filled to the hilt.

“Shit, pup, you’re so tight,” his face is pinched in concentration as he tries not to rut into you right away.

“Shhhh, shhhh,” you rub a hand down his chest, chuckling only a little when he settles one hand on your tit and the other on your hip. “You’re doin’ so good for me, baby. That’s my boy.”

A few deep breaths in and out and you finally begin to roll your hips. Grinding at first until you find your rythm, then you start to really ride him, pushing yourself up and down on his aching shaft.

You’ll have bruises tomorrow the way Frankie’s gripping you, but you always do. Not that you’d ever mind. He sits up a little so he can suck a nipple into his mouth. Frankie’s always thorough, he takes his time lavishing each side with tongue and teeth. By the time he’s had his fill of your tits, both of you are so close to that carnal precipice you can nearly taste it.

You feel everything start to tighten with the promise of your orgasm and suddenly it’s a lot harder to keep a steady pace. Planting your hands firmly on Frankie’s chest, you lean down just the slightest bit and growl, “Why don’t you help me a little here, big boy?”

That’s all it takes. You’re still in control, but Frankie is eager to please and he knows exactly what you—and he—want. Finally allowed to chase his pleasure, and actively contribute to yours, you’re ready when he plants his heels on the bed and begins thrusting up into you so hard you’re bouncing from the force of it alone.

He’s practically incoherent beneath you. Declarations of love and strings of endearment are cut off by primal sounds as he determinedly fucks you to your high. At this angle, the friction of his skin against your clit is just enough to push you over that edge, and when he hits a spot you’ve never felt before you think you’re going to explode with pleasure.

“Fuck, Frankie, don’t stop! Right there!” Your eyes are screwed tight and you’re not hardly recovered from your second orgasm when he finds the spot again. And again and again. Until you collapse sobbing onto Frankie’s chest in one of the most intense orgasms of your life as he ruts up into you two, three more times before he cums deep and hot inside of you.

“Shit, pup, are you alright?” He’s careful as he sits up, unsure of what just happened other than that you’ve gone completely boneless on top of him.

You’re trying to move but it’s like your nervous system is still rebooting.

“I’m fine, just need a sec,” you try to laugh but it comes out more of a breathy chuckle. It’s not too long before you can sit up again. When you do, Frankie’s eyes are studying you with deep concern.

“You good?”

“I’m good, Frankie. I think you just learned a new trick.”

The two of you soon realize that the bed is wet. Your eyes meet Frankie’s and the two of you dissolve into a fit of giggles.

“Go start the shower,” you kiss him deeply, “I’ll change the sheets.”

He holds you long enough to press a chaste kiss to your forehead. As chaste as a kiss can be when his half-hard cock is still inside you.

You part from him with a groan and begin your task--not without sneaking a peak at his wide, tight ass--as Frankie struts off to the bathroom.

You hold him from behind, cheek pressed between his shoulder blades as the water cascades down the front of him.

“How was it?” you murmur into the cool skin of his back.

“Mi tesoro, it was everything. Thank you.”

“I didn’t go too far?”

Frankie breaks free of your hold and turns to face you, one hand falling to rub a familiar pattern on your hip, the other cradling your jaw.

“Never, pup. I loved every minute of it. And you.” He seals his words with a kiss that has your hands slipping up to hook around his neck, afraid he’ll pull away before you’re properly drunk on him.

You’re breathless when he breaks away, tugging at your lower lip between his teeth as you part. A wicked smirk pulls at his lips.

“And I’m keeping the suit.”

#frankie morales #francisco morales #francisco “catfish” morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x reader smut #sub!frankie morales #switch!frankie morales #dom!reader #sub!frankie morales x dom!reader #triple frontier #pedro pascal boys

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ashwhowrites · 1 year

Note

Hey do you think you could do a combo of angst prompt number 13 and 15 with Eddie? Preferably with a happy ending but however you want is fine too :)

Definitely

“You’re right: I’m a liar. But you can believe me, just this one time.”

“You never loved me, did you?"

Not proofread :)

Hope you like it! You got a decent happy ending

Master-list

Eddie realized maybe getting drunk wasn't his best idea. He wanted to drink to get these thoughts out of his head, instead it was all just louder. Now he sits at a barstool, drunk off his ass and tears in his eyes.

His girlfriend was the light of his life. He never knew what it felt like to be loved unconditionally by someone so he never knows if their love is real. Does she really love him? Or was she just passing her time with him until someone better came around.

Someone like Steve.

Eddie knew her and Steve were best friends way before she even met Eddie. He knew they were close and grew up together.

But tonight at Steve's birthday party, they seemed too close. The way Steve looked at her made his insides turn. The way she'd throw her head back and laugh made his head hurt.

The way Steve could easily take care of her more than Eddie ever wished he could, that made his heart snap.

He knew he was being childish.

Steve and Y/N were only talking. But sitting too close. He was whispering in her ear, she'd blush and smack his shoulder. He'd smirk at her reaction and the cycle repeated. She'd glance back at Eddie then back to Steve.

"do you two want your own room or something?" He snapped. He didn't mean to but it just slipped.

Now his girlfriend looked at him like she was slapped. Her eyes were huge as she self consciously moved away from Steve.

"Dude, it's okay. Nothing like that is going on." Steve said as he threw his arm behind the couch, behind her.

Eddie's eyes stared daggers into him. Wishing he could just set him on fire.

"baby are you okay?" He hated how soft she sounded. So innocent like she wasn't flirting with her best friend. The nerve they had.

"No. My girlfriend is flirting with her best friend right in front of me." He hated the way he snapped at her. He's never once gotten angry at her.

He never does because he hates how sad her eyes get. How her bottom lip pokes out. The sadness clear on her face like it was painted on.

His anger dismissed a second when he saw her. She silently walked over to him and grabbed his hand.

"do you want to go talk?"

No Eddie did not want to fucking talk. He needed to leave. He needed to get away from both of them.

More harshly than he intended, he yanked his hand out of hers.

"no. I need to leave." And slammed the door on his way out.

Now he's at the bar.

Bartender warned him they were very close to calling a ride for him.

Eddie and Y/N are regulars at the bar, so he knew that the bartender would be calling her. And he did not want to see her.

"thanks for calling Angie. I'll take him."

His body stiffened at her voice.

She was sitting next to him in seconds.

He didn't want to look at her but she gripped his chin

His eyes were glossy from the alcohol. And he could tell she was crying from the redness around her eyes.

Slight mascara smudges in the corners.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

She nodded, "I know baby. But I think we should talk about why you are upset."

He doesn't get it. He's an asshole, a loser, and poor. Yet she was sitting here wanting to talk about how upset he is. That she wanted to make him feel better. He felt guilty and the need to self destruct.

“You never loved me, did you?” he choked out.

The way her eyes flashed with hurt and her lips scoffed.

"you are definitely drunk. Lets go home." She said as she paid his tab and went to grab his hand again.

Her touch burned.

"no, answer me." He demanded. He squinted his eyes at her, like if he intimidated her enough she'd crack.

"of course I fucking love you Eddie. Where the hell is all of this coming from? Do you really doubt my love for you? Because that's unfair."

She cracked, but with anger. He could see the fire being lit in her eyes. Her cheeks are heating up.

"Unfair? What's unfair is watching Steve fall in love with you. His stupid eyes look at you the way I look at you. He listens to every word you say. It's like he can't physically be away from you. You could be across the room but his eyes are watching you. It's so fucking obvious."

"Eddie I want to talk outside." She said. This time she didn't touch him. Let him have his space as she walked out of the bar.

He followed with his shoulders slumped. He wanted a fight, something to get his anger out. But she was calm. Never once raising her voice. He hated it.

"Edward, you need to listen to me. Steve is not in love with me okay? If him and I were ever going to happen it would have. He knows I'm in love with you more than anything. He wasn't flirting with me. He knows I'm yours and you are mine."

Her words went right over his head. No reassurance landed on him. She was in denial.

"No he is! You two sat there just giggling, blushing, and whispering. I'm not fucking blind!"

"YES EDDIE YOU ARE! WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOU." She spazzed.

She sighed, "I was telling him about the birthday present I got you. I was so excited I needed to tell someone. And he made fun of me for being so into you. He was teasing me because out of every relationship I've ever had, I practically worship the ground you walk on. He's never seen me so whipped before. So I smacked him. I giggled because he was right. I've never felt this way about anyone. But you know what Eddie? If you can easily believe that I don't love you then maybe that's on you and not me."

She began to walk to the car, unlocking the doors. She sat in the driver seat, waiting for him. She may be pissed off but she wouldn't just leave him here.

After kicking himself in the ass, Eddie slouched in the seat. Regret filling his body, almost like it washed out the alcohol.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as she pulled off.

She shook her head, "no you're not Eddie."

"yes I am." He defended himself.

"Stop lying. You said exactly how you felt and when you are sober we will talk about it."

"no because I am not letting us go to bed upset. I was wrong, I know I am. And I am sorry. I didn't know about my birthday"

"stop Eddie. You're such a fucking liar, I hate it. You just feel guilty because I bought you a present. I'm not stupid. You were pissed at me until I brought that up."

He nodded. She was right in some ways.

“You’re right: I’m a liar. But you can believe me, just this one time.” he said softly as he reached over and put his hand on her knee.

He was sorry. He was insecure and he took it out on her.

She never did anything wrong. He was seeing things that his insecurities made up.

He'll make sure she believes him because he does love her and he wasn't going to lose her.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson angst #eddie munson angst x reader #eddie munson request #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x female reader

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invisiblegarters · 7 months

Note

Thank you! I think this is a case of people poor meowing Ray to the point of thinking he has no bad bone in his body and he is a victim of everyone around him. It's super bizarre to witness.

Nothing is his fault and if it is, he didn't mean it, and if he did, it's the alcohol talking!

I have also seen some bizarre takes on Top and especially Boston, making them seem innocent and just honest without malice and I think it comes from people not wanting the promiscuous characters to be bad people because that would be perpetuating stereotypes.

Anyway, it's been truly a ride to witness haha.

To me it's not that bizarre, really. It's very easy to see Ray's penchant for self-destruction, his trauma and his depression and his bone deep belief that he is an unlovable burden, and just want to see him get better. That's a perfectly valid response to someone in as much pain as Ray is. Because he is in pain. The fact that he is doing a lot of it to himself doesn't really matter, either. That is one dude who is suffering, and I too would like to see him grow and start to make some headway into loving himself.

The part where I get tripped up is the expectation that any of these messed up 20 somethings is any more capable of dealing with Ray than Ray is of dealing with himself. They're all young, they are all selfish and self-absorbed and none of them is equipped for the kind of problems Ray has. Hell, a lot of much older people aren't equipped for it.

But we're all prone to favorite character syndrome - a lot of the reason I was so annoyed was seeing all the hot takes about Sand, lol. I feel like he's *really* gonna get it in the teeth from fandom when it turns out that he can't actually save Ray with the power of his love (and that even if he could, Ray doesn't want him to because he's fixated on Mew as the savior) and walks for his own good (at least, I hope that's how it goes). So I'm not immune to it either. Sand is my ride or die and I expect to be excusing (or if not excusing, defending, and if not defending, flat out encouraging) many of his wrongs still to come.

Also if I'm truly honest, I too want to see at least one person stick by Ray through it all, even if they can't be his savior. I just don't want it to be Sand (that's my bias at work, lol).

As for the others, I haven't seen too many hot takes that aren't "these two are the worst most vile villains" so I can't really speak to that. I enjoy both of them, especially Boston. And I seem to be more sympathetic to Top than a lot of people, although I don't know how true that is - I can't see everything that goes by, nor do I want to, lol. Especially not stuff that would just rile me up.

I do like that Boston tends to use honesty as a weapon. It's my favorite thing about him. It's also kind of what makes him so damn effective at doing what he does - he gives truth, but in a way that it almost always cuts.

And to be fair, as far as I can tell most of the hottest takes aren't from here, which I like. I feel like places like twitter tend to be more black and white thinking - good guys and bad guys, villains and heroes. While it can always change, I tend to see a lot more nuance here - it's why it's pretty much the only social media I have, lol.

#only friends #only friends the series #ray ofts #boston ofts #top ofts #asked and answered

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dizzycoffee · 2 months

Note

hiii ! First, english is not my first language so I can make some mistakes. I would like to request a romantic hazbin hotel matchup please :)

My pronouns are she/they and im a demi-girl, im pansexual and don't have any preferences.

I tend to be shy when I first meet someone but when I feel more comfortable and safe around them Im louder and make a lot of jokes. Im very creative and love to draw and write stories. I love helping people and im a great listener for them to talk about their interests or their problems. I love watching kids shows and reading. I also love horror in general especially on internet. I really likes animales too and I do horse riding. On a more negative tone I tend to have self destructive thoughts and acts because of depression even if I try my best to get better. I dislike when people don't understand me or at least don't try.

I don't have a specific aesthetic but I think its would be a mix of indie and dark academia.

I hope this will be enough for you to make something, its my first time requesting something hehe ^^

Thanks in avance !!

hiii !! hope you’re having a lovely day <33

You’ve been paired with …

Husk !

At first when you two first met, you didn't think you'd be close with him

little did you know

His bluntness and your quietness clashed a lot at the start, to the point that you two would rather avoid one another

That was until the day Husk sort of just called everybody out on who they were and when he got to you, you were surprised that he read you pretty well

From that day forward, you both tried to put in a little more effort into each other's relationship

You were pleasantly surprised how well he understood you, and he was pleasantly surprised that you didn't take offense to it!

Whenever your self-destructiveness seemed to weight heavier than usual, he stuck by your side and helped you through it

"We're in this together, so don't hide it and make it worse."

He also loves your company!!

Loves to clean the bar while you go and tell your silly jokes, it makes his day go by smoother <3

The relationship you two have is one of pure understanding

You can tell the most batshit crazy joke and everyone would just go "???" but Husk would still laugh at it

Everyone's like "how'd you get Husk of all people to understand your jokes??" and his only reply to that is "They're the only one who understands my humor."

When it comes to dates, it doesn't matter what you end up doing, he just wants to be close to you

You two could be running from a turf war or something and while he will totally complain about the circumstances the two of you are in, you can always catch glimpses of him smiling whenever he grabs your hand to run off somewhere else.

#hazbin hotel matchup #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel husk x reader #husk x reader #husk x y/n #husk x you

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melodystone57 · 7 months

Text

Chapter 3: Razers Edge

Razer sat in the holding cell in silence, repeatedly watching the recent planet he helped destroy. Kilowog wanted to interagate him first and honestly, I didn't have it in me to object. We all walked over to the cell but Hal and I stayed behind.

"You like looking at that stuff, Poozer? You proud of what you did?" Razer didn't even acknowledge him. It was like talking to a wall.

"How many of you Red Lanterns are out there? And why are you hunting Green Lanterns?" Getting the same response as before, Kilowog walked into the cell, grabbed Razer by his shirt, and pushed him into the wall behind them.

" Answer me!"

"Easy there, Kilowog! This thing's a rental, remember?" Hal intervened pushing Razer back down to his spot, to pull Kilowog away into another room entirely. I stayed behind to try and reason with Razer.

" The Red Lanterns abandoned you, Razer. They left you for dead." I walked into the cell and sat next to him," I think that calls for a little payback, don't you? Help us, please. I know there's good in you. Tell us what you know. " Looking deep into his eyes, I could see that he was confused and lost, but most of all hurt.

"I do hate the Red Lanterns for what they've made me. But that doesn't mean I stopped hating Green Lanterns. It just means I have more people to hate." He said looking away from me and back at the projection. I understood that he wouldn't help us in the way we hoped. Standing up from my seat I walked over towards the control panel and turned on the barrier field to the cell. Looking back I sighed in disappointment, I wanted to help him but there wasn't much I could do. I continued walking to the cockpit and into the meeting between the guardians and the rest of the crew.

"Hal Jordan stole the Interceptor. And you wish to reward him by giving him command of it?" Apa exclaimed looking at Ganthet as if he grew three heads.

"Appa, we have no choice. They are our only line of defense on the Frontier. Besides, at that distance, there's very little we can do to punish Jordan, anyway."

"All in favor of letting Hal Jordan and the rest of his crew operate the interceptor?" 13 out of 25 raised their hands. "All those opposed?" 12 other hands raised as the 13 went down.

"Then, we are of one mind. The crew of the Interceptor is tasked with gathering intelligence on the Red Lantern threat and taking reasonable action to slow their advance." Ganthet Annoced.

"We may be of one mind, but only on the protest. Now. What is the status of the Red Lantern's ring?" Apa asked

" Safe. In a stasis box." I replied walking to my seat in front of the Navigation panel.

"Yeah, the ring doesn't take that much room. Unfortunately, Razer does. What do you suggest we do with him?" Hal questioned looking at Razer and then back at Apa.

" Even you know your duty, Hal Jordan. He must be imprisoned."

"Fools!" was said loudly within the science cell. Someone wasn't happy with the new arrangement or procedure.

" For what I have done, they should execute me." Razer spat out violently.

"I do not understand your desire for self-destruction. If one regrets one's actions, one should find a way to make restitution." Aya tried to reason looking at him through an artificial orb that was stationed at the door.

" I'm not about to debate this with a computer!"

" Any orders?" I asked, looking at Hal.

"Yeah, find me a prison. It's not like we can just drop Razer off on a handy Lantern science. Frontier Lanterns use privatized penitentiaries."

" I can compile all the detailed places" Aya tried but was interrupted by Hal

"That won't be necessary, Aya. Just something nearby."

"But nothing too nice," said Kilowog with a scowl on his face. This was not gonna be an easy ride.

"Wow, she took you at your word about the "nothing too nice" thing," I said walking out of the interceptor first and taking a look at my surroundings. The walls were made up of a solid brown rock. But looked to have had holes drilled into it manually. There were giant cobwebs littered everywhere. The room itself was cold and repulsive.

"It ain't that bad" Kilowog defended himself

" Are you kidding? This place gives me the creeps. It's like fear radiates from the walls. It's a dark, dank, repulsive hall full of...." Hal trailed on walking forwards but not truly paying attention/

Looking straight at the corridor in front of us, I noticed three black masses coming towards us. It didn't take long to see 8 legs moving in synchronized movement.

"Spiders!" I yelled out backing away a little.

" I was gonna say "rats", but Oh" he stopped and looked where I was looking and saw that I was correct. Three giant black spiders with spears were coming towards us.

"Well, well Green Lanterns! It's been a long time since we hosted a prisoner for our esteemed colleagues in justice." The middle one announced, walking towards Hal. the more he walked towards us the more is scotched closer to Kilowog.

"I take it you're the warden?" Hal Asked.

"I am Myglom. I operate this prison on behalf of the Spider Guild. Aah, it appears you have something for me. " He looked towards the Razer in the shackles that Kilowog conjured.

"This piece of work is Razer. We have documented evidence of his crimes against sentient beings"

"Oh, I'm quite confident he's guilty. No one has ever escaped from this facility. I'm very proud of that But I'm even more proud of our rehabilitation program. You'll find that nearly 100% of our former guests never returned to a life of crime." He praised looking at me, deep in my eyes.

"Well, I'm sold! Myglom, we hereby officially remand custody of Razer to your care." He pulled Razer towards the guards. Letting the shackles disappear the spiders on the side of Myglom grabbed him and took him towards his new cell. Razer looked back and straight towards me. I was filled with regret not because I had to do this. But because I wasn't able to help him and get him to talk.

"That's one Red Lantern down, more where that came from," Kilowog said as he walked back onto the ship.

Once we left the prison we all went to the cockpit to start our search for a new red lantern.

" I don't know about you, but I'm gonna sleep a whole lot easier knowing that guy ain't on board. Now we can get back to nailing those Red'" A flash of black moved across the window fast in front of Kilowog. "Lanterns. Did you see that?"

"What? Out the window? In space?" Hal replied looking at him confused and going back to his task.

"There! Right there! Right, where?" Kilowog got up so face his chair fell and rushed to where the black thing was looking for it again. "I am not crazy! I saw something there!"

" What is up with you?" I asked Kilowog concerned when the black mass fell on the window scaring all of us.

"Aaaah"

We all rushed out of the ship towards the window looking for the mass.

"Fan out. Our hitchhiker's hiding somewhere." I ordered. I flew towards the engine and used my ring as a scanner for any foreign objects. He flew past me towards Kilowog following it I bumped into Kilowog and Hal bumped into me shortly after.

"Will you stay out of my way?" Kilowog yelled looking between Hal and I.

"We're going about this all wrong! Whatever it is, it's intelligent. It's watching us and staying one step ahead." I yelled out.

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"To cause a distraction, so we can do this!" both me and Hal grabbed the thing only for it to wrap itself around Hal's arm. Both Kilowog and I tried pulling it off, but it just screamed in pain. Giving up on that plan I created a box around his arm trapping it in there, but making sure Hal could get his arm out. Once it was secure I took a good look at it and noticed it looked like a purple starfish. I had one eye and one long tooth hanging out. I brought it inside and set it in the science cell that once housed Razer.

"OK, squid, start talking. Kilowog here loves seafood and has a big appetite." Hal Started looking straight at our prisoner.

"What?" Kilowog said looking at Hal and then at me for an explanation

"It's an old interrogation method from Earth. Good cop, hungry cop." I started kneeling on the floor to get a better look at the starfish.

"Goggan will not go back! Cannot go back! Destroy me, but do not take me back to the grim rock! To live all days like my worst!" the prisoner yelled out.

"Great ugly and nuts!" Kilowog deadpanned

"You escaped from the Spider Guild's prison," I asked standing back up.

"Yes with this!" He pointed to his tooth, "Goggan tunneled twelve years! Me sane, sane! Goggan rid the airshaft. Then you! Still sane"

"You shouldn't have bothered, nut job! Cause you're just going right back to prison, where you belong!" Kilowg exclaimed stepping closer to Goggan mencingly.

"No Please, no! Mercy! Not back to Nightmare Rock! Goggan lives his pain there. Torture Goggan is a child there, and old. The worst of fates! Again and again" Both me and Hal looked at each other in understanding and towards Kilowog.

"What? The escaped con would say anything to stay out of prison!" Kilowog Defended with his arms crossed.

"And if he's telling the truth?" I asked putting one hand on my hip and cocking it to the side,

"Razer's worse than a criminal. If the spiders wanna torture him, let 'em!"

"It's our job, our duty to serve and protect. Even if they're criminals." I responded staring dead into his eyes with my white ones.

"Intriguing! The criminals must be punished. Surely prisoners deserve their fate." Aya asked after overhearing our conversation.

"They deserve justice, which sometimes involves punishment. But not torture." I replied as I kept staring at Kilowog.

"Look We've got to take this back, anyway, so We'll have a look around" Hal interrupted making me look at him in agreement.

"OK." Kilowog gave up "But even if there is something wrong with the prison, it's not like Myglom's gonna let us see it! They'll clean up their act as soon as they see us coming!" that's when I finally understood what Hal meant.

"That's why they're not going to see us coming," I said smirking.

"Please, don't say it"

"We're going to break into prison." Hal finished before I could. We walked back into the cock pit and started our route back to "Nightmare Rock". Once we landed in a secluded and hidden spot, we all walked to the elevator that leads to the ramp.

" It's worse than death! Infinity upon infinity You mustn't go!" Goggan tried to warn us.

"Don't worry, Goggan, just taking a quick look around. Dinner's in two hours. If we're not back, start without us, because we're probably dead." Hal joked back at him. He looked towards me.

" Rory it might be best to stay here and guard Goggan."

" But you'll need my help more."

" And you afraid of Spiders." I paused in thought and realized I wasn't much help with my fear. I complied and stayed with Goggan.

"They're dead by now. We must leave, leave before we're found!" Goggan exclaimed as he paced in his cell

"No, there is not, they are perfectly fine. We will continue to wait." I responded

" The one said he'd be back before dinner, two hours ago! Dinner time has passed. Dead!"

" There is a high probability that Hal was attempting to be humorous," I said getting up from my seat and walking towards the cell.

"If they're not dead yet, they will be soon! Worse than dead, even! "

"Unacceptable. Action must be taken to rescue the Green Lanterns. Even at risk to this unit." Aya said over the comms. I sighed knowing that she was right. Getting up I walked to the elevator and yelled out before the doors closed "You're in charge Aya"

Following their footsteps wasn't entirely hard to do, however, it was hard to stay away from the spiders. Moving silently in the corridors I glided towards one of the cells to avoid being spotted, coincedetily when I looked further in I noticed It was Razer's cell. I walked over to get a better look at him. He was strapped to an x-shaped platform standing upright. He had a cylinder tube around his head that was conducting electricity. His face looked like he was in pain, moving closer to him I went to take off the helmet when I noticed a green streak out of the corner of my eye.

"What the hell?"

" Do not be afraid, I am the Aya Program." the green streak called out.

"Aya what are you doing here? You should be on the ship guarding Goggan."

" I could not let you go alone. A green Lantern makes sacrifices for the greater good." She stated, "I believe I have a way that we can help Razer."

"How?"

"By sending you into his telepathic thoughts with that spare helmet."

Looking around confused, I spotted the helmet. I walked over and grabbed it.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Put the Helmet on and try to keep your mind open."

Following her instructions I waited for a couple of seconds before I felt immense pain, then darkness.

Opening my eyes I noticed I was lying down with green flamed candles around me. Sitting up and looking to my left I noticed Razer sulking with his back turned to me.

"Razer, listen to me. None of this is real. This is not happening. It's ok, you don't need to panic. It's me, Rory. Aya sent me into your telepathic thoughts to help you." He turned around and looked at me in shock for a few seconds until it looked like he finally accepted what he saw.

"I know this is a fantasy. An illusion meant to bring me pain."

"If you know then, why stay here? Why not fight back for control?" I asked standing up.

"The memories keep replaying, over and over, in my head. They hurt. But I don't mind. I get to see her again. Even if it's for one more moment."

"I'm sorry Razer." I said looking down "But, I need your help. I can't save Hal and Kilowog without you. There are too many spiders for me to fight off and my rings not working properly"

"The prison? What are you all even doing here?"

"We heard that prisoners are being tortured here. And Hal and I thought it was unacceptable. We came back here to investigate. And to save you, if that was true."

"You shouldn't have done that. I deserve to be here. I helped destroy an entire world. All those people died because of me."

"That's where you are wrong. Kilowog and I were able to rescue the settlers before the world was destroyed."

"What? Then, I didn't ...It doesn't matter. I'm still the one who pressed the button. In my heart, I'm guilty of murder. I'm going to stay here "

"Too bad we don't get what we want," I said as I walked over and touched his face to bring him out of his memories. Once we were free Aya released him took off my helmet and stood up from the floor.

"I will never forgive this." He said looking at me.

" I have seen your past, and sadly I know your pain."

"No one knows my pain! Certainly, not the likes of you." He spat out angrily and walked towards the door. I followed after him and took a left down the hallway once the door opened.

"Where, now?" Razer asked looking at me.

"Something makes me weaker and brings a feeling of being drained. I believe this is where they are keeping Hal and Kilowog." I replied

"And the other way?" He asked looking to the right.

"That is the path back to the ship." He fled down the right hallway toward the ship

"No! You cannot leave them to die!" I yelled out but he was too far gone. My yelling caught the attention of some spiders. They came towards me, I started to prepare myself to fight. One came at me and I went to kick it, only to receive pain throughout that leg. That same spider took the opportunity to knock me out.

I woke up again in Hal's arms, I moved to get back on my feet.

"Easy there princess. You took a pretty nasty hit to the head. How do you feel?"

" Like I just got knocked out. What Happened? I asked while looking around and saw all the spiders either dead or in severe condition.

"Razer Happened. He got his ring back and went to town on them once he saw that you were hurt. But he gave it back once they were taken care of" Hal handed me Razers ring.

I blushed deeply just at the thought of him protecting me.

" Come on, let's get back to the ship," I said as we began our walk to the interceptor.

"Myglom and his guards in the jail cells. Like you wanted!" Goggan informed as we crawled closer towards us.

"The Guardians have dispatched a new warden. He should arrive in 18 months. In the meantime, I'm designating a temporary warden. Congratulations, Goggan. I'm leaving the prison in your capable hands things. I trust you can free the prisoners from their cocoons?" I asked and was informed.

"Yes yes! Of course, I No one will ever be tortured here again!" Goggan stated as he saluted to us and started his next task.

"You know, for a second there, I thought you were gonna make Razer the warden," Kilowog stated as he looked at me while I walked towards the ship that sat on top of the loading dock inside the prison.

"Are you crazy? I couldn't possibly leave a Red Lantern in charge of this place." I joked only to turn around a look at Razer who had his head down "Because he's coming with us." I threw his ring towards him. Thankfully he had good reflexes. He looked back at my smirking face in surprise. Winking at him I walked onto the ramp with him following behind me. As soon Razer and I were on board the ship took off to look for more lanterns.

"You do not seem to have recovered from your ordeal," I said to Razer as we sat down at the in-floor dining table.

"You have seen my past. It is private." He stated as he crossed his arms.

"Trust me it wasn't my idea."

"You're a smart girl, but yet you risked your life for idiots. Why?" He questioned. I cast my head down to try and hide my smile but gave up and looked at him while smirking

"Because a Green Lantern would do no less."

#green lantern #green lantern animated series #razer x reader #red lantern razer #haljordan #aya #kilowog

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ed-recovery-affirmations · 8 months

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idk if ur gonna see this or anything but i fully relapsed pretty bad into my ed about two months ago. I've had god knows how many recoveries and relapses and I always seem to end up back in. i want out this time and i want out for good, i don't want to spend the rest of my life doing this. any advice?

Hi there, anon! I did see this. I get to everything in my askbox eventually, if it's something I'm able to put on my blog.

I'm sorry to hear you've been having so much trouble staying well. I don't know exactly what you've tried so far, but here's the advice I can give:

Are you surrounded by supportive people? If you can, find friends you trust to confide in about the issues you've been having. Think about what they can do to be supportive, whether it be reminding you to be soft about your body image or reminding you how they hope you are healthy and eating well. We all need to learn to love ourselves, but outside support from the right people can give us a big, big boost when we find ourselves needing it most. Building a support system also gives you people to reach out to when you're struggling. That can be hard and scary, but it can also be a resource.

Speaking of resources, is therapy open to you? I don't know if you're able to access therapeutic resources, but a therapist might be able to help you develop coping mechanisms for the issues you might be struggling with that keep you coming back to your ED. I'm also going to preface this next statement by saying that I am not an expert on DBT, and that what I'm going to tell you next is just something I heard during a brief overview of DBT during a training we had at work recently. However, apparently a big premise in DBT is about learning coping strategies to get through those moments of crisis we experience without resorting to the destructive impulses we may have. "Whatever you do, don't make it WORSE" is an excellent thing to remember in crisis. Sometimes you can just...do nothing, and ride out the feeling until it passes, and then work through it later. Or use a coping strategy. Once you've practiced that, maybe you can learn positive responses to your moments of crisis to help you deal with them productively. That way you may learn to better resist urges to relapse - or to pull yourself out of a lapse before it becomes a full relapse. (Be honest but kind to yourself when doing this - shame may only make the lapse worse! Those of us with EDs are often prone to using shame as a motivator, which can sometimes work well in the short term but is terrible for us in the long term.)

It's hard for me to give specific advice without knowing what your ED is like, but perhaps you can use timed reminders to hold yourself accountable to consistently practicing self care before, during, and after eating. Especially when you're going places like - out to a restaurant with friends and family, event where surprise food might be offered, holiday party, etc. Self-care can be whatever works for you - writing down positive affirmations, meditating, taking a long hot bath, taking a little walk and moving your body, gently reminding the bully in your head that what they're saying to you is not helpful to you in the long run, doing some stretches, creating some art...literally whatever self-care looks like for you, but create a self-care regimen around eating properly. Create a self-care regimen for lapses, too. Hopefully you won't need it, but understand that self-care means investing in resources and safety nets for yourself in the event that you might have a hard time, rather than punishing yourself by letting yourself fail. Think about it in advance so that you are not struggling to come up with a self-care plan when you're already in crisis: what are you going to need in order to help gently pull yourself out of a lapse? Failing is human and struggling is common in eating disorders. Learning to be kind to yourself when you fail and growing from your mistakes is a huge part of ED recovery, since we tend to be big self-punishers.

Hope this helps! You can tell me a little more about your ED for more specific advice if you want to, but you don't have to. I hope you find your way back to your own healing path, anon. <3

#ed recovery #advice #long post #self love #self care #ed cw

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stay-mon-army · 2 months

Text

Under The Skin: Prologue

Word Count: 1,165 words

Warnings: death, blood, negative self-thinking

Note: Hello!! So this is the prologue to a multiple chapter book I'm writing about &team and their lore! As you can tell from the title and this chapter (hopefully), I was heavily inspired by their debut MV (Under the Skin) and their lore! I know they have the webtoon, but I wanted to tell my own first impressions of the story after watching the MV. This was a long time coming and will likely still take me some time because of how busy I am, but I hope that you guys enjoy it and stick around for the ride! There will be some member x member romantic relationships, so if that's not your thing, I apologize in advance, and this may not be the story for you! Otherwise, welcome to Under the Skin!

K’s heart beats out of his chest as he runs. He can’t stop. If he stops—

No, he won’t think about that. He just has to keep running. If he could just get there in time, he could fix everything. He could save them.

The world around him was ruined. The buildings were crumbling, the road was cracked and missing whole sections, the earth was scorched and nothing green lived. He knew, somewhere in his head, that some of his pack had caused some of the damage. They weren’t totally clean — blood and destruction was on their hands. But it wasn’t totally their faults; they had to protect humans from the vampires. The vampires were the true monsters.

K had been taught from a young age, since he was truly a “pup” as his alpha liked calling him, that the vampires would be totally out of control if the wolves didn’t keep them in check. That’s why the werewolves were created. They were the only things stopping those creatures from ripping the human world apart piece by bloody piece. They only acted calm and demure; they were ruthless. If anything, this war had proven that.

The coven in his town had been fighting back from the rule of the wolves for months. They kept poking and poking, starting small with missing pets until they escalated to attacking the wolves outright. His alpha said they had to fight back, otherwise the vampires would begin hurting humans. If that were to happen, the humans would find out about the world of the supernatural and they would all be in trouble. They would all be hunted, despite being family, friends, loved ones. The humans wouldn’t care. They would all be killed.

So, the pack had fought back, trying to keep it quiet and quick. They didn’t want any more blood to be spilled than necessary. The vampires had only been emboldened. Now, the town was in ruins, the coven dealt with, but his pack… They were all dead.

He just had to find his alpha. He would know what to do. It would all be okay.

As he rounds the next corner, he spots him. Laying back against a pile of concrete slabs, his alpha is breathing, but the scent of his blood assaults his nose and his knees almost give out.

No, I can’t be too late. Please, don’t let me be too late.

K races towards his teacher, his mentor, the man who taught him everything he knows. He slams to his knees, ignoring the way the pain reverberates through his kneecaps, up his thighs, all the way to his head, jumping to throb against every single injury riddling his body. He doesn’t take longer than a single tear raising to his eye on that; he’s already reaching out his hands, hovering them over the body of the man who had raised him.

“Don’t look at me like that.” The man before him rasps, his bloody lips jerking as though he tries to smile at the boy. His eyes fill with tears as he gazes upon K, the last one. He could tell, from the way the boy looked at him, that he had seen the destruction he had brought upon this pack. That he had ruined the lives of the very ones he swore to protect. “Protecting humans from vampires, that’s what werewolves are supposed to do. I don’t regret what we’ve done — we protected those who couldn’t protect themselves.” He coughs hard, a dribble of blood leaking from his mouth, which he turns to spit out. He still has more to tell K. “I’m sorry. It’s my job as the alpha to take care of you all. There was so much more I was supposed to see as you all grew up. I’m sorry I couldn’t make that happen.” He coughs again, but this time it doesn’t stop.

K finally moves his hands to rest against the man before him, laying them on his arms, holding him as though he wishes to pull him in, cradle him close. He stops coughing, but swallows thickly, no doubt a mouthful of blood spilling down his throat.

“Please, don’t apologize. You did the best you could. You did everything you could.” K’s voice trembles, the tears finally breaking away to trace lines through the grime on his face. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t save you.” He sobs, his head falling so the man wouldn’t see his tears. He hadn’t cried in front of him in years.

“You have grown up so well, K. You have become such a strong man: you cared for the others, you took over control when no one else would, and you have learned to control the urges that often control us. If you could not save everyone today, it isn’t because of your ability. It was because I failed you.”

K’s head snaps up, ignoring the burn in his eyes as he shakes his head, raising his hands to the man's face. “You have never failed me. You could never fail me.”

The man smiles, his teeth lined with red making a gruesome sight, and yet K couldn’t look away.

“I love you, K. If anyone was to survive, I’m glad it was you.” His coughing begins wracking his body, forcing his chest up off the ground to convulse as he spits up his very life-blood.

“You can’t die. I don’t know what to do without you.” His hands pull the man towards his body, cradling his head in his lap, ignoring the splattering of blood that decorates the last clean spot on his jeans. The man's breaths are coming in whistles now, as his lungs no doubt fill with blood, choking him slowly from the inside. There was nothing K could do but watch, listen, witness as his father, his caretaker, his alpha slowly stopped coughing, slowly stopped moving, slowly stopped breathing.

When finally, his breathing stops, the silence is deafening. The wind doesn’t blow, the screams of the dying have stopped, the clashing of battle has ended; the only thing left is K’s sobs, his pleads with anyone in the universe to turn back the clock, to save those he loved.

How could K go on? How could he find a new pack, live amongst the humans, defend against the vampires, act as if he wasn’t a part of the death of his whole family? How could he pretend to be normal?

When finally the sun dips down and the moon begins its assent above the horizon to rule the sky, K lifts himself, collecting the man’s body into his arms.

He will begin by burying his dead. He will give them the respect in death they deserve, and he will burn the bodies of the vampires. And then, he will move on. He will find a way to live. He will not let their lives end in vain. It’s the least he can do.

#&team #imagine #&team imagine #andteam #andteam imagine #&team fic #andteam fic

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brandnewhuman · 1 year

Text

FACE IT

Starring:

Big sad robo boy Nines and his mean himbo human Gavin Reed

CONTENT:

Tw: description of panic attack, mention of suicide. Mature language, THERE'S ANGST BUT THIS TIME I HAD THE DECENCY TO ADD COMFORT DW. Gavin just being Gavin I guess and nines having big ass feelings

Summary: Gavin finally succeeds in his questionable attempt at make Nines vent

A/n: I'm having too much fun in my own little Dbh world lately. Kamcon has already gone through my atrocious writing so now it's reed900 turn. I WAS WATCHING I,ROBOT A FEW DAYS AGO SO YOU ALL KNOW WHERE THE ANSGT IS COMING FROM. Shout-out to @the-anxious-youth for helping me so much with this and for putting up with me and my Dbh brainrot bullshit lol. AND @hamartia-grander I TOLD YOU I WOULD TAG YOU SO HERE YOU GO, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

\\\

The car ride was uncomfortably quiet and it was driving Nines insane. He could feel the mean comment from Gavin coming and he found himself wishing he would just get over it and say it, to just start the inevitable argument that was about to happen. He hated that feeling, the gnawing dread of knowing someone was judging him and he couldn't do anything about it.

He couldn't for the life of him understand why the detective seemed to have all this hatred for him, considering he has been beyond patient and accommodating as a partner.

He knew why other people avoided him, why rooms seemed to quiet down as soon as he put a foot in them, he knew why everyone tried to avoid asking him anything as much as possible. He's scary, he's intimidating and unsettling, and he knows it. He also knows too that when people look at him they can't help but see Connor and then get disappointed when the similarities between his brother and him are just merely physical. He has learned recently after recent events that their physical likeness makes people ever more upset and avoid him.

But, sometimes, Gavin's behaviour towards him seemed to go so far beyond his distaste for androids, it felt personal. Every time they seem to get close to what one could call friendship something happens and they get to square one, getting at each other's throat and tearing apart all the progress they've made.

While normally it doesn't affect Nines too much, he had started to notice certain things the detective said seemed to cut through his wall of indifference, he felt hurt like really hurt all of the sudden and it only made him even more stressed.

Maybe it was his already heavy baggage of personal matters that was starting to catch on with him or maybe it was the fact that the detective's opinion mattered more than what he would like to admit, but he did find it increasingly more difficult to recover from his arguments with Gavin.

Admittedly lately, the reason for his annoyance towards the detective wasn't really about arguments or fights since they have been surprisingly sporadic nowadays. It was more about the detective trying to get some sort of reaction out of him for almost everything. Going out of his way to mind Nines's businesses and, rather rudely sometimes, doubt his deviancy.

Normally he would just deal with all of that by ignoring him and move Gavin's focus towards other things but today everything was going just… wrong. The day couldn't go any slower and the entire universe seemed hellbent testing his already thin mental stability. It shouldn't be surprising that Gavin would push it even further too.

"You're not gonna say anything tin can? I mean…that girl died in front of you and you didn't even flinch" His voice was unusually calm, somewhat tired. He kept his eyes on the road, a frown on his face as his grip loosened on the wheel.

"There's nothing to say detective, the android was going to self-destruct regardless. Besides, I don't make a habit of making cases a personal affair to me" the rk900 replied with his usual flat, matter-of-fact tone. He hated it, it only proved Gavin's point more. His eyes kept observing the empty night streets of Detroit outside the window. He wasn't sure looking at Gavin right now would make any good to his already foul mood.

The detective scoffed softly and shook his head. "So that's it for you, why care if they're gonna kill themselves anyway?" He retorted, his words didn't carry the usual harshness or spiteful tone that seemed to come so naturally out of Gavin. No, it was something even worse, it was disappointment.

The thing is, Gavin wasn't disappointed. If anything, he was worried, like he has been ever since Connor had been gone.

Nines was this unbreakable and unfailable force of nature who never took a wrong step or showed weakness, a perfect and balanced being always accomplishing every mission with a perfect score. And for the longest time, it made Gavin melt in pure fury, to see how everything he had worked so hard to achieve was so easy to do for Nines. Even if the android was guilty of Gavin's worst traits too he seemed to pull them off as something useful and almost admirable, while on Gavin they were just a list of his countless bad qualities that would always set him up for failure.

Now it was just sickening to see how much they share, how much of his self-destructive nature Nines seemed to have. He wasn't perfect, he was just ready to ruin his life to prove he could be.

He couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment he realised the unbelievable pressure the android put on himself but he knew that somewhere along the way he just couldn't find it in himself to be so hard with Nines on purpose.

He knew being such an ass right now was uncalled for but he recognised the signs of someone just bottling everything inside, he knew what would come out of it too and wanted nothing more than to spare it to Nines.

He needed to get it all out and Gavin knew that a more gentle approach would work on other people but not on Nines, so being an ass had to do it.

They had come to a point of what he would like to think of as more than just work partners (god knows that Nines had to endure too many of Gavin's personal and embarrassing moments to be just called a coworker) and to hurt his feelings was something Gavin was certainly not enjoying but he just kept pushing through it, telling himself that it for the sake of his beloved tin can.

"Do you feel fucking bad at least? Did you think about doing something?" He took his eyes off the road for a second to look at the android. His led has been spinning a steady red ever since they left the scene and honestly it was starting to scare the shit out of Gavin.

Suddenly Nines felt very self-conscious of his led but didn't feel like doing anything to change it besides tilting his head a little bit more towards the window.

"There wasn't anything for me to do." The android replied quietly. He just wanted to get home as soon as possible and forget everything about today.

He did feel bad, horrible even but he just couldn't bring it out and it was making him even angrier than it was making Gavin disappointed.

It was an easy case, something he could've handled without a bat of an eye but he froze. The android that was still there, hiding away in the crime scene, shot herself just when Nines and Gavin found her.

She was responsible for the body bleeding out not far from where she hid, there was no doubt. And she was…so scared. Even without interfacing, he was able to see this was a self-defence case, but she was terrified and even more when she laid her eyes upon Nines. That stare he would get from some people at the police station, that glance of fear, it was the same she was holding then. He was so close he could've stopped her but he just couldn't, something inside him, like a glitch, rooted him in place.

He couldn't explain why he didn't do anything, or rather he didn't want to admit why he just froze. One thing was certain, it wasn't because he didn't care

It had been too many things at once; she reminded him in some unexplainable way of Connor, of how he looked the last time he saw him. She reminded him of the androids that more often than not, upon seeing him, still seemed uncomfortable and intimidated. It felt like suddenly all that was making him feel bad became too loud and big to ignore it.

He knows how it must have looked from the outside, him just staring without doing anything to stop her from killing herself. But he was just struck down by a violent wave of really overwhelming and negative emotions.

Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was her body flopping to the floor and the thirium spluttering out of her head.

His led spinned a darker shade of red and he rolled slightly his shoulders to try and get some tension off.

Gavin's grey eyes trained forward, trying to not dwell too much on what he was about to say. "God…you really don't feel fucking anything don't you tin can? Are you even sure you're a deviant? Cause it sure doesn't seem like it" he breathed out, sighing a humourless laugh.

Nines's hands, which neatly folded on his lap, clenched slightly and his whole body tensed. "Detective Reed, I think I have made it clear that there was nothing else to do. The case has been closed" his voice was low and dark, it didn't leave any room to misinterpret what he meant with his last sentence.

"Why are you so defensive, uh tin can? Are you angry because the suspect got away? Is that it?" Gavin replied with his most sarcastic tone, swallowing hard as the tension grew inside the vehicle. He wouldn't let Nines's intimidation tactics stir him away, not this time.

"You said yourself, you don't get invested during cases so why are you so fucking aggressive about it?" He stole a glance at the android, the window reflecting a very dark and concerning red light from his temple. "Why don't you fucking say the truth? I felt worse than you and it's not even one of my own"

"Detective Reed, you're deliberately twisting the situation more than-"

"No cause everyone gives me shit for being insensitive or rude but you-" he breathed out a bitter laugh "you get the fucking shit cake of insensitivity. A girl kills herself in front of you and you just fucking get over it like nothing"

"Detective, It's enough."

"All those fucking emotions you say you have, are they even there?"

"Reed, you're pushing it." The android muttered through gritted teeth. His jaw piece could've snapped from how hard he was clenching it.

Gavin could swear that if Nines needed to breathe his breaths would be laboured from anger, but he couldn't stop "why? Why should I care? You didn't give a single flying fuck, why should I then?"

"Gavin."

"Admit it!! Just fucking say it!! Stop pretending to be a fucking person and just get over it and fucking admit it!!" The man demanded. His voice matched Nines's in intensity, his knuckles turning white from his tight grip on the wheel and his shoulders tense under the pressure of the imminent outburst on the android's part.

"Shut up…shut up shut up SHUT UP!" Nine's usually flat voice seemed unnatural when he shouted, his head snapping towards Gavin with a murderous look in his eyes. He was glaring at Gavin with such intensity he would've expected the man to just start to burn spontaneously. He could feel every beat of his thirium pump inside his ears and his HUD was flooded with flashy and red warnings of high-level stress.

Gavin flinched slightly at the sight and thanked God he was able to stop the car since they were on a relatively isolated road, he didn't trust himself to keep driving. He felt incredibly small now against Nines rage, mostly because he was caught by surprise rather than from actual fear.

"I do care!! I don't fucking understand why is so vital for you to know but I do!! I feel SICK I can't even fucking think properly because all I hear is her bloody head getting blown off!!" The rk900 upper lip twitched with anger with every word, his hands were now closed in fists. His eyes were no longer a light calm blue but rather a darker and angry one.

"I don't what the fuck have I done to you to be always so hellbent on tormenting me with the most hurtful things Reed but I'm. Done. YOU HEAR ME?! Done." His voice trembled lightly and his eyes sported what seemed the glossy tells of blue tears.

All Gavin could do was watch and let him talk, flinching slightly every time Nines raised his voice. He was afraid that if he tried to interrupt the android would just try to recollect himself as always so he did his best to not just blurt out a string of apologies.

"I'm. Not. A. Bad. Person." Nines hissed, his lips trembling with every word, struggling to not let his impending tears make him stutter. "I know what I was created for and what everyone seems to think of me but that doesn't give any of you the right to make me feel bad just over something I CAN'T FUCKING HELP!" he shouted once more.

He closed his eyes as if he was blinded by his anger which at the same time freed the tears, his hands and body were now shaking. Gavin wished for nothing more than to reach out and dry his tears, his face contorted in distress as he had to watch the seemingly always put-together android fall apart.

"EVERYONE acts like this I'm fucking monster and It's not fair, it's NOT!" His silent tears were now starting to turn into violent sobs, he couldn't stop shaking and somehow it felt like his thirium pump had grown in size and it was threatening to burst out of his ribcage.

Logically he knew that he couldn't experience pain but he did and it was making him panic. He leaned slightly forward, gripping his chest and squeezing his eyes shut as hard as possible, desperately trying to shut down all the angry alerts displayed in his HUD.

"I know that everyone looks at me and sees him and they ask themselves why the hell I'm not as gentle and kind as him. Do you know how it feels reed? DO YOU?! To know that all people can see it's the stupid reminder that the version of their friend that didn't like it's there while THE OTHER HAS DIED!" his yelling was more of a strained cry and to get it all out he had to shake his head slightly. His sobs were so violent that he had to lean forward to curl on himself as possible, just to feel some pressure over his chest so it would make the weird sensation of being seconds away from a heart attack go away.

Panic flooded through Gavin's veins and he felt his heart drop to the darkest pit of his stomach

"shit shit! Nines hey! I'm sorry, okay?! But you need to calm down I was just-" The detective tried to reach for the android's hands that were clawing at his chest but Nines flinched away, like a wild hurt animal trying to protect himself

"D-don't." Nines sneered at him, giving him a look more akin to panic than to anger. His lips quivered slightly as fury washed over him once again.

"you…you're always saying the most horrible things, you're always making me feel like nothing more than a heartless piece of plastic." The android voice was barely a whisper now. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, almost trying to swallow back his words just to fail miserably.

"I don't have anyone Gavin, anyone left…

except you.." another sob racked his body before he breathed out a humourless laugh "and..and you don't even like me!!..." he dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, his face scrunching in pain and with the struggle of trying to stop crying.

"Connor is gone and Hank too and I don't have anything left and…" he paused, taking a useless deep breath, running his hands through his hair desperately. Never once opening his eyes.

" I didn't want her to die," he explained with a strained voice. His face twitched as he tried to hold back the tears.

"She reminded me of him and I couldn't take it and I didn't want to touch her 'cause I didn't want to feel her die. I didn't want to-...i-" he tilted his head to the other side, hiding it with his arms so Gavin couldn't see his face, even if now was too late for that.

"I didn't want to feel what Connor felt when he…" he clenched his jaw so hard that a warning of facial damage popped into his hud. He felt empty and so tired which he had never thought possible but he did. He just felt like with every word a piece of him dissolved away with them.

He felt like if he finished that sentence then he would never be able to pull himself back together, that he would just break into pieces and it would never be okay again.

It seemed like some sort of understanding settled between the two of them at the mention of Connor's name since Gavin didn't try to mutter a single word about what Nines had left unsaid. During the android's rant he just listened, truly listened, and watched his friend crumble under the weight of his own sorrow.

He could feel his own eyes getting wet as Nines kept talking, holding his breath hoping it would make his heart slow down and hurt less. He forcefully pulled himself together before Nines could see him.

The android turned his head to look at the detective, lowering his arms to fully face him. He could only imagine what he looked like right now. His hair was a mess, his face coloured with the blue android version of a blush, a shade lighter of thirium staining every corner of his cheeks and eyes.

"I know you're not a bad person Nines…" Gavin mentally applauded himself for being able to keep a steady voice without breaking eye contact with his partner. He fidgeted frantically with a loose thread of his jacket, swallowing hard as he racked his brain to find the right words, "I know you miss him, and that you feel alone. I can see that all this emotions stuff is fucking hard for you" he allowed himself to tear his eyes away from Nines for the sake of not losing the small amount of courage he has managed to gather, "The thing is…that feelings suck ass for everyone and no one knows how to make it better" his breath hitched slightly and his eyes flickered towards the android before glancing back at his hands.

Nines gaze seemed empty and for a moment it could've looked like he wasn't listening at all, but he was. He didn't move an inch while the detective talked, letting his voice drown out his own thoughts and focusing on what he was saying instead of what was going on inside of him.

"What I'm trying to say tincan is that…" his lips twitched slightly as he tried to put together his poor attempt at comforting his disheartened android, "Nines, nothing bad, and i mean nothing, is going to happen if you admit you're not feeling great. Or that you're feeling something in general" this time his own grey eyes holded the android's blue gaze without hesitation.

Gavin's face and voice held nothing but genuine understanding and Nines seemed to flourish under it. It spread through his whole body as some sort of warm and calming wave making his led go back gradually to a serene blue, the tension on his synthetic muscles finally rolling off. The effects of Gavin's words were in equal parts scary and exhilarating in how they made Nines feel.

The realisation of how well Gavin could read him came so suddenly it almost left the android feeling dizzy. It sounded a lot like a corny movie cliché but everything seemed to finally come together in his puzzle of very confusing and frustrating interactions with the detective that always left him feeling as if Reed's animosity was with the purpose of just making his life miserable. How wrong he had been and how much his own distress clouded his judgement to think that all of this was just part of some childish rivalry between them.

Nines shouldn't have found it as surprising as he did that Gavin's help came in the form of aggression.

The detective didn't need a reply from the android to know that somehow the message had gone through. He nodded slightly more to himself than to Nines and allowed the humming from his car engine to fill the silence that had somehow become comfortable and free of the previous tension. A pair of blue eyes glanced from time to time at him with an almost shy gaze in them, making his features softened everytime a little more.

Despite the arguments and the fights or how much they would end up offending each other, Gavin wasn't just all he had but all he needed, whether he wanted to admit it or not. One day, he promised to himself, he would tell Gavin how much this meant to him.

#reed900 #dbh #nines #nines dbh #gavin reed #gavin reed dbh #upgraded connor rk900 #rk900 nines #dbh fandom #detroit become human #detroit become human fandom

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lunarllovely · 1 year

Text

Sphinx of black quarts, judge my vow.

~A Story of Poems~

Next week, I hope I’m somewhere laughing.

What would happen if I decided to survive more? To love harder?

“The world you live in is not at all as you believe it to be, because actually it is not as you see it or sense it. You judge on the basis of the relation of your senses to all the objects surrounding you, and your senses beguile you infinitely more than you can imagine…There is no precision, no truth in their testimony.”

I want to be the tree.

Hope is an axe you break down doors with.

I am going to learn the secrets of the universe, and then I will become one.

Dance with a person who puts their hands on me reverently, methodically, shakily.

Our math cannot explain or conceptualize infinity. But it is there. Oh, how it is always there.

Love is stored in the kitchen.

let me stay tender-hearted

despite despite despite

what if everything is intentional. what if dancing with your friends matters as much as picking up groceries. what if you put color in your hair and a stranger feels seen. what if someone makes soup for you. what if tears are sacred. what if it’s all love.

I got stones in my pocket at the midnight mass.

I, only I, am the spectator in the orchestra.

Maybe the idea of things is not enough to conceptualize their reality

With you, I could summon the gods and the stars

Watch them dance out the plays that we wrote from the heart

And we’d laugh at the ghosts of our fears

august is like: my heart is breaking in real-time, i can't recognise my own hands, but the world is drenched in honey and i’ve forgotten how to stay hurt for too long

Our life is an apprenticeship to the truth that around every circle another can be drawn; that there is no end in nature, but every end is a beginning; that there is always another dawn risen on midnoon,

and under every deep a lower deep opens.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I love that sweet smell of decay that surrounds me in forests and woods. A kind of mulchy, deep, rich rot that has no connotation of death or ending, but rather of life and age. A sense of perpetual destruction and rebirth.”

Saturday morning, and I am at the old game of catching time between my fingers as it is running, forever running, away.

there’s that feeling of like going on a bike ride in your neighborhood on a summer evening when the air is cool and your arms are covered in goosebumps and you ride past the high school football field and all the lights are turned on, even though no one is there. and the very similar feeling of when you pull up to a gas station late at night and everything is bathed in neon light and there are a few people filling their tank and all the windows of your car are rolled down so you can hear the music they’re playing by the pumps. and the other very similar feeling of when you wake up first during a sleepover and its just barely light out and you can hear the crickets buzz outside and everything is cold and you turn over in bed slightly and feel your friend breathing beside you and adjust the blanket and start to fall back asleep again.

the one (perhaps only) thing i’ll always like about growing older and maturing is the never-ending opportunity to develop and refine your personal taste in pretty much anything. fashion, food, music, literature, art, design, furniture: the older you get, the more knowledge, insight and experience you acquire and it all adds up to a treasure of source material to create a new you from. carve, prune, distill, expand, sculpt, evolve - you can recreate yourself always and aging gracefully is all about endlessly enriching yourself through that recreation.

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.”

Suffering cracks open the shell of the ego

you always look out for others chris, it’s okay that you’re doing this for yourself

As long as I know the shape of my soul, I’ll be alright. -Jake

Nothing happens for a reason, it’s absolute fucking chaos. -The Traveler

Growing up is something you have to decide to do. - Greg

“And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.”

#poems #sphinx of black quarts #judge my vow #word weaving #wordpress #sapphic poetry

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sporkdoesclasspect · 1 year

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Can you do a general analysis of a Page of Time?

yep!! ^-^ i'm gonna try out a slightly different response format here

a page manifests their aspect, summoning it forth to aid their allies. as a passive counterpart to maids, pages can also be said to serve their aspect, both in the sense of performing duty and in the sense of giving something to someone, and to maintain it, in the sense of keeping it on the right track.

time is the aspect of both progression and stasis, of the past and future, and of entropy/decay/destruction. it's also related to memory and context.

(readmore bc this post is long!)

a page is the unexpected skill of a session, the underdog who had it in them all along. they're oddballs who tend to do things a little differently than everyone else, and they face a lot of hardship because of this. others will often try to guide them to change their ways, which causes them to lose confidence in themselves in the face of everyone's expectations. a successful page will eventually realize that their methods and viewpoint weren't any less valid than anyone else's, despite everything and everyone telling them otherwise, which lets them regain that confidence - and a truly confident page is a force to be reckoned with, extremely powerful and effective.

a page of time is someone who does things in a particularly time-y way that others seem to disapprove of or not understand. given time's ties to death and endings, that could mean that they have an unusual relationship with mortality; maybe they're very casual and unconcerned when it comes to death, or they could see it as a completely neutral thing instead of a bad one. or maybe they're just morbid and interested in spooky and ghoulish things that no one wants to talk about.

there are other possibilities, of course: they could be a history enthusiast who's more focused on the past than the present and tries to emulate the mannerisms of people from a certain time period. an collector of antiques or items that have important memories attached could work too. overall, a fixation on the past/memories/preservation is a good angle, but it's definitely not the only one! you could have a music-based page, or tie music into one of the above expressions - like a page of time who's super into retro or classical music. if you wanted to focus on decay/destruction, then a sentimental items-loving page of time could be the type to keep things even when they're totally worn out and falling apart. you could also just get really literal with the time part, and have a page who goes through life at their own pace no matter what, or on the other end of that spectrum, one who's obsessed with schedules and precise timing and gets upset when people ignore their planning.

as far as powers go, a page of time could serve/give time by slowing down enemies while leaving allies moving freely. they could manifest/summon time by calling on versions of themselves from alternate/doomed timelines, or even some other kind of time-based entity depending on their personal inclinations - spooky phantoms who steal years off the enemies' lives, literal dinosaurs from the ancient past, people or creatures from their memories, anything that suits their personal representation of time.

they could maintain time through simple time stops, using the opportunity to change the situation they're in, or they could do so by playing the role of The Time Police, their future self (or some kind of temporal projection) always showing up to stop people from doing things that will doom the timeline. (if you've played any of the older pokemon games, i imagine it'd be kind of like trying to ride your bike indoors and being stopped by the ever-present specter of the pokemon professor.)

i hope this is a decent analysis!! it doesn't cover every possibility of course but hopefully it can be of some use to you. or to someone else, since this ask is really old and i dunno if you'll see this post :p

#classpect #page class #time aspect #page of time

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ohmytomorrowisthursday · 11 months

Text

Until I Fall - Part Eleven

Levi Ackerman x Fem Reader.

Eventual romance but this is a slow burn, definitely angsty and darker. It will also focus a lot on Hange, Erwin and the original scouts. Eren and the 104th training corps will be around but I’m focusing on the older characters in here. Your self insert name is ‘Azeria Becker’ pronouns She/Her/Hers. Using a name because don’t like using ‘y/n’.

Cannon universe. I wrote this for myself but I hope that you enjoy it, too lol <3

cw: imagine literally every awful/gory thing that happens in SNK. Death, violence and gore. Drinking, sex. (bolded ones in this chapter)

I will be releasing 2 chapters at a time every few days. You can find all chapters here.

The bells went off almost as soon as you got up.

“Huh?” Levi turned to the window, looking out into the courtyard. A soldier was standing in the field, screaming ceaselessly.

“WALL MARIA! WALL MARIA HAS BEEN BREACHED!”

Here it was. Worst case scenario.

“Shit,” Levi cursed, bolting for the door. You jumped out of bed to get dressed. “And what do you think you’re doing?”

You ignored him and put on your uniform, your body turned from him. “I’m going too.”

“Like hell you are,” he grunted. You shot him a serious look that startled him, “Levi, you can’t stop me. Lets go.”

You ran to the field, all of the remaining scouts running to their horses. Hange and Mike stood at the front. “We ride to Shiganshina! Erwin will join us en route, lets go!”

A burst of horses hooves rumbled the ground beneath your feet. Your head was pounding from the concussion, but you couldn’t sit back; now the titans had finally broken in, and civilians were threatened. It had already been hours since the breech, and the garrison was competent but not ready to fight the titans up close. Faster. You needed to be there faster. Who knew how many people had died already? Your eyes furrowed frustration, We were just there this morning. Now, hours away, you’d be returning to the very same hell that you’d just left. It was a nightmare. Not a single soldier riding had a calm face; Hange and Mike were at the front, holding the same determined stare that Erwin usually had. Everyone else’s faces were shocked, angry or frightened. If they got through wall Maria, then humanity had just lost hundreds of thousands of acres of land. Where would they put all of the people? Where would they grow the food on the inner walls? Shit.

You looked over to Levi, his eyes staring back at you with the same expression that you wore. Either way, humanity is fucked. You knew he was thinking it, too. There was forty soldiers in total that rode out to Shiganshina. Only ten from this morning’s expedition and thirty who stayed behind in the morning due to recovery or other duties. It was a slim army. You had been diminished by the expedition, and here you were riding into hell once again. Please let us live a little longer, you hoped. If you took losses the same way you did in the morning, the Survey Corps would cease to exist.

Everyone rode one as fast as they could. You were starting to approach wall Rose when you began seeing all of the refugees; hundreds of people on ships, their screams and cries echoing through the valley. You scrunched your eyes closed. It was too hard to look. It was nearly impossible to fathom that soon all of the towns from the North, East, and West would be evacuating into wall Rose too. There’s no point in worrying about that. One thing at a time.

Once the Survey Corps reached the wall, pulleys were raised by the Garrisons to bring them to the top of the wall. It was only then that you saw the destruction. Shiganshina was a wreck of toppled buildings and littered with titans. “Shit,” you cursed. Levi scoffed, “Looks like we’ve got our work cut out for us.”

Hanges voice cut through the gasps and shock, “Alright everyone, this is a recon mission! See if you can find anyone left behind or stuck in the city! There’s no way for us to kill all of the titans. Bring back anyone alive and don’t die!”

“Do we have an ETA on when Erwin and Shadis will join us?” Moblit asked.

“He should be here by sunset,” they responded.

“Alright, there’s not many of us so let’s work in teams! Hange, Levi, Moblit and I will lead and take on a wing. Let’s split in to groups of ten!” Mike shouted.

“You’re coming with me this time. You’re a liability out there,” Levi said to you. You blushed, embarrassed from being so stupid. “I promise not to be a hero,” you said back. He nodded at you, his eyes sharpened to you like a knife.

Your team took the west quarter and began searching. Levi was up ahead killing the titans and you tried your hardest to find any signs of life. The landscape was grim. Homes closest to the southwest were riddled with bloody carcasses and destroyed buildings. You killed as many titans as you could. The city at the very least was good for using ODM gear. You tried to ignore the fact that you had just been there in the morning; its markets full of vendors, kids running in the streets and people going to work. A few hours didn’t seem like much but it was enough to destroy the city.

Erwin and Shadis arrived as the evening sun was setting, flying between the squadrons to make sure everyone was alright. You worked into the night, your body in searing pain and exhausted. But you couldn’t stop. You had to keep moving forward. No matter what. The titans seemed to dissipate at night, and finally, after hours and hours of searching the city became silent. All you could hear through the streets were the soldiers calling out for people and the gas pressure bursting on the ODM gear. Finally your last blades had broke, and most of the gas that the garrison and the Corps had was depleted. “SOLDIERS FALL BACK,” Erwin called out. You let out a sign of relief, which made you feel guilty. But you had nothing left in you anymore; you had to rest.

Once you got to the other side of the wall, the buzz of people surrounded the ground. There was noise from every direction; crying children, soldiers trying to organize people, medics and supply carts arriving with cannon balls and extra reinforcement for the wall. Your head throbbed with pain. You sat on a crate drinking water and eating rations, trying to find a way to feel better in any way that you could. Your muscles could hardly move, and now you had cuts from broken glass and debris covering your limbs. Your ears rang and your body was weak. Please just let me rest, you begged. Up ahead you saw Hange, Erwin and Mike talking to the Garrison captain within ear shot.

“…you’re saying that there was a titan taller than the wall that disappeared?…”

“… there was another with it as well…”

“…how could they just vanish like that…”

“…no we didn’t see anything like that when we went…”

You were listening in intently. The conversation gave you a feeling that made your stomach drop. Something was off. What happened on the expedition was far more bloody than the first journey out; and now this? You searched their faces for some kind of indicator or sign. Hange looked deep in some sort of thought. I’ll ask them tomorrow. You knew you couldn’t today, you could hardly keep your self upright.

"I’m surprised that you were able to come,” Moblit said, joining you on the crate. You offered him your canteen of water and he took a swig. “I mean, it wasn’t much of a choice. Look around; we’re screwed,” You blurted it out and even your voice was hoarse. “That’s true,” He replied, “But it’s still very strong of you.” You looked down at the ground and nudged a pebble with your foot, “Thanks. How are you doing?” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “I really cant think of a worse day.” You let out a laugh, “I hear you there. Did you manage to find any survivors?”

“Only three. You?” He replied.

“None,” silence lulled around you, “I feel like this is bad to say, but I’m really tired.”

He frowned, “It’s not bad to say.”

A few hours later it was finally time to head back to headquarters. Maybe you’d get to bed by sunrise. The ride home was silent. The wind rustled around you, and the moon shone above in the sky. You looked up to the stars, wondering how a place so beautiful could be so full of ugliness. What would come tomorrow? You were so tired, you began to question yourself. Why were you here? Why would you subject yourself to this life? But then you thought of all of those refugees who had just lost their homes, their family and friends. Would you ever be able to live with yourself if you didn’t help them now? The feelings felt like they were splitting you apart from the inside. You could never go back home now. You had to make this place better. Better for those kids that you saw who were alone and crying, better for the families who had no homes, no food and nothing but the clothes on their backs. You had to do it for the future of humanity, whatever that future may be.

“Hey,” Levi said. You had forgotten he was beside you. “Do you want me to take your horse? You can rest in the carts.”

“I’m fine,” you said quietly. There was no way he believed it. You could feel his eyes on you and you didn’t want to look at him. Your eyes were fighting tears and sleep. Please don’t look at me. You didn’t want him to see you so broken. That wasn’t really true. You really just wanted him to hold you again, like he did when he saved your life that morning. But there was no one to save you from this pain. All of these wounds were inside of you, and you’d have to protect yourself.

"We’re almost there,” He replied. The silence fell over you again, and the only thing that kept you awake was looking up and watching the moon above.

When you all got back to headquarters, you nearly ran to your dorm. It was still empty of people, and now you were all alone.

You laid in bed, soaking your pillow with tears until you finally fell asleep.

Please let me feel better. You didn’t know what hurt the most.

Chapter Twelve

#attack on titan #levi ackerman #aot fandom #levi x reader #levi aot #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #levi fanfiction #aot x reader #snk x reader #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #aot fanfic

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lediz-watches · 1 year

Text

So I watched all of The Winchesters

I watched it all. I liveblogged it for my own amusement and torture.

Having watched all of The Winchesters, and none of Supernatural, my final impression is that:

This show was not intended for newcomers. This was a show for the fans.

My GOD I wish it had been because there were SO MANY GOOD IDEAS AND CHARACTERS and arrghhhh I UNDERSTAND why you’re all in this terrible love-hate relationship with this fandom!

Ahem.

Okay, carrying on with my final episode reflection:

John and Mary are not their own characters. They are 20 year old characters that are being given tools that could change their story. So I was actually watching a predestined downfall being pushed sideways. And that is… an interesting idea. I like that idea, because I do like redemption. I like the idea that these characters can be saved.

The problem is that we didn’t get to see them be saved, we’re just supposed to have hope.

This show was not a hopeful one for me. And that ending was not hopeful.

If Mary and John had decided to stay in town with Carlos and Latika, I might have had hope.

If they had both left and gone their separate ways, I might have had hope.

But these two alone together, with the limited context I have, is not a hopeful scenario. They pull each other down.

In a way, there’s a beautiful mirror happening here, where Carlos and Lata contrast John and Mary. Carlos lifts Lata up. Lata keeps Carlos grounded. They’re queerplatonic and outsiders and beautiful in how they fit together. And I am obviously invested in that, but we don’t see enough of it. In contrast, we have Mary indulging John’s darkness, and John pressing Mary into dark habits. They’re traditional and acceptable and dangerous. And I don’t care for it, but we see so much of it because that’s the relationship that results in Dean and Sam and their whole universe. They are what the fans needed to see to round out their story.

And the story with the akrida… that was the overarching narrative, and I think it was again talking to those fans.

Joan was a villain who spoke to someone that experienced a more developed story than I did. She was interesting, but to me and my experience, she felt like… she didn’t quite come out of nowhere, but it was pretty damn close.

I think the show was too short to find its rhythm, in a lot of ways. It didn't earn its ending, for me.

My favourite episodes were the monsters of the week, so I didn’t care enough about the akrida plot; and the Hunters being their own worst enemy wasn’t woven into enough of the story as a whole to feel justified.

Mary being a hunter felt right. It feels right to who she is as a character. But her only self-destructive trait was her attraction to John – everything else was just her rebelling against her father or learning how to lead. John was self-destructive—John is destructive in general—but he’s not a hunter. He’s… just a violent person being used for hunting purposes. The show holds him up as if he’s Ur Example of A Hunter, but the show itself does not portray other hunters as like him, while it goes out of its way to tell us what’s wrong with him as a person.

Carlos is a hunter, but he’s (mostly) healthy, and has a healthy approach to the job. He’s the hero they think of themselves as. And Lata feels like what the Men of Letters thought they were, as well. And she has self-destructive tendencies, but again, she’s not really a hunter, and her story was not addressed in the akrida queen’s accusations. She was just the vulnerability Joan exploited to get to them.

This was a show of possibilities. I like the universe. I want to explore it. I like the ‘new’ characters. I want to get to know them better. And it’s sad that I’m not going to, because even if this series does continue, it won’t be for those characters, it’ll be for Mary and John and the original fans.

Which is fair. But it’s not for me.

I hope the old fans got some kicks out of it though. It was a fun ride… when it wasn’t pissing me off.

Good work, Mr Ackles. I hope it was what you wanted. <3

#the winchesters #final thoughts #I liked it #I will not be watching Supernatural #I liked what it could have been more #I still love Carlos #I still love Millie #I still love Lata #Thanks for letting me play

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elegyforiphigenia · 1 year

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HAPPY NEW YEAR - or, punchdrunk ramblings.

The snake slithers round and digs its venomous fangs into its own flesh. Polluting its own body with destruction self-forged, the reptile has crafted a circle. Soon, the snake dies, but it is not afraid. Death is a little like shedding a skin, and it has experience in that. The old cloak falls to usher in the new. Across the city, bells toll out, heavy in their swinging gait of religion that does not understand it is not welcome in these halls. At first, singing for death, they are sombre creatures. Then, a lighter melody infects them, swelling across with joy – there is no longer death, for birth has come, and just as fear rings in the bells of death, hope tickles the bells of birth, for they forget death holds just as much life as first breaths. It would be an extraordinary thing – if it did not hark this repetitious cruelty. For some, perhaps, it is lovely: certainly, the mother who stands mourning too many of her children might rejoice in the knowledge that the circle will soon encircle her, and she will forget all these woes and she will hug her children to her breast once more. Another mother, however, might perceive it as the most monstrous creation: she watched her daughter die, and just as she gained vengeance for it – well, no time to dwell on that, for she must endure that horror once more. Both must watch their kin condemned, farewell consanguine dearest for they’ll slit you sanguine.

It must be nice to live in a world where the year, no matter the torment, will always culminate hopefully; where it seems as if you are gifted with a blank slate and a glass of prosecco beaming up at you with bubbles of promise. Oh, the bubbles will flatten, and your stomach will slowly begin to go queasy, realising it was all only a façade of the night, but nonetheless – you remember. Does it feel nice, to hold in your memory how the flames lapped at your skin? Lucky you, who might go forward with the knowledge to not tempt fate and touch fire. There’s a thing, some argue, called muscle memory; riding a bike is a bit like that, it gets ingrained in you, and even after a long while, you’ll never forget. You might argue that we get muscle memory: instinct kicks in with each time we forget and relive our steps. Perhaps in that there’s prophecy. With each new replay, each old hour of the damned, the suggestion lurks under that we will remember…but tell me this, you in your white masks spelling out nothing, does it ever change? It does not. You do not care. You are content, complicit to chain us to time, he who guards us and never lets us roam his vast majesty. Don’t worry, though. I’m not angry. I won’t chase you; even if I wanted to, even furies cannot outrun the hourglass before it tips again.

Small mercies. So some might say. We do not remember that we will relive. If riding a bike is muscle memory, then some experiences oppose this theory: the pain is forgotten so that we might willingly rebirth it. Childbirth is one of those things. Over and over again, women will endure a layer of hell, screaming and shattering and squelching out those darling first breaths as they breathe out agony. Would anyone want to stagger again into that cycle if they fully remembered the breaking? It’s a little loss. Something barely manageable. How could we endure it if we knew it would never end? The show must go on; the lotus eases the muscle. It’s sweet, doing nothing, it’s sweet, not remembering. But even then, we’re being lulled into the Lethe, and under its tides, we’ll never sleep. Even small mercies can go fuck themselves when every good is countered by evil twice the impact – even as I stand thankful that the pain goes, it swings battering round again; even as I reunite, all is snatched away again; even as I dream, there is always monsters.

Dismal words to hear; clawing misery into eyes till they bleed and wish that they, also, could be made to forget. But know this: just as the snake gnaws at itself, it defeats the evil, and just as monsters chase dreams, the dreams will always be chasing the monsters – that is how a circle keeps going, onwards and onwards and onwards. The melody swells in my chest, even now. Just as I perish, I am birthed again, and the ash paints me alive.

#the burnt city #punchdrunk #loop shit.#love love love the way this show is structured #'you do not care.' tbh i lie to myself. this white mask Cares Too Much.#anyway. happy new year!#been wonderful having this show and bunch of people in my life.

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