I don't normally talk at lengths about kpop related things, especially on Tumblr, because I feel there are enough other fans in the world adding to the conversation. Yet, I am going to break that for a moment because I finally got around to watching RM's mv for Wild Flower that came out a few days ago. Do you know when you watch something and the meaning comes across loud and clear and it hits you and you just sit a little stunned but also a little sad. And you know you will never see that thing the same way again? Well that happened this morning. I have had Wild Flower on repeat since it came out but due to my lack of fluency in korean, all I could go off of was a few words I picked up, the vibe, feeling, and emotion of the song. I had a feeling RM was singing about his struggles with his life in BTS. But oh boy did was I so unprepared.
"When everything I believed in grew distant.
When all this fame turned into shackles.
Please take my desire away from me.
No matter what it takes.
Oh let me be myself"
That part almost broke me. I can't imagine what it is like to be in his position. Leader of arguably the best known K-pop group. Often the voice of an entire industry due to the position his group is in. The pressure to be what his members, company, industry, and country needs him to be. He is RM of BTS. And I know he has talked about this before but he is also Kim Namjoon. A boy who fell in love with music with no idea what he will become. And I am worried it is what he has become that will one day break him. But it's his second verse that made me want to write this.
"Where's my end finally gonna be?
Everything's so exhausting from A to Z
When's this wretched mask finally gonna come off?
Yeah, me no hero, me no villian
I'm barely anything
Idling repeats, memories turning vicious
Lying in a field, I set my sights on the skies
Now, I can't remember what I wanted so badly
I trusted I was happy, now a mere memory
Yeah I been going, no matter what's in front
No matter what it may be
Memories of holding onto dawn's edge and spitting things out
Society's all for the loudest voice
And here I am, still speaking silence
It's an aside, a boat in full bloom
To face all the prejudice and misunderstandings
I dont care much for being tossed into the air
Grounded on my own two feet
Amongst the flowers without names
I can't go to the stars again, I cant
Underfoot I just go
To a destination without a purpose
Not even knowing my own sadness
Even making friends with the shadows
I be gone"
You can feel his heart as he is rapping this verse. The sadness and fear he has at losing himself. I think as fans, we often forget what some people give up when they reach that level of fame. But on the flip side, no one truly knows what it means to be RM of BTS. Even the other members, RM's biggest support system, dont know that feeling. They know what it means to be a member of BTS, but to be the voice that RM is always expected to be? They don't know that. But when RM talks.... is it his voice? Or is it the collective voice of the other members and the industry he is representing? Does he answer based on what he thinks is expected of him? And if so, does that cause him to have even less of a voice? At what point does the need to speak for others suffocate someone.
I find it interesting that he brought up the shadows, because SUGA also raps about the shadows often. How they grow and can overtake everything when the light on them becomes too strong. I find it terrifying the thought of it being easier to be swallowed, or friends, with those shadows then to keep looking at the light. But when the light is blinding and the stars are scary, maybe the darkness is comforting.
While the song is sad it is also hopeful. When he talks about burning fireworks to flowerworks, it feels very reminiscent of the Phoenix. Something that rises from the ashes and comes back more beautiful. I think RM is battling those demons and what is threatening to burn him down but I believe what comes out of it is that much better. And I hope that is what we are seeing through this song. That RM is finding a way to be Kim Namjoon. That the world has not taken everything from him in their expectations of who he is. That somewhere, Kim Namjoon is finding his own voice. And that voice will be just as loud and beautiful as RM's is. Because I have a feeling Kim Namjoon has very interesting things to say.
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so, i just cracked myself up. i was just going through my amazon wishlists so i can round off my order. one list had only two items: hand-held bidets. i have never used one and i'm not particularly interested in ordering one anytime soon, so why is this here? 🤨🤨
so i check the date added: march 2020... march 2020... why did i put this here?? omg the toilet paper shortage! i actually put a bidet on my list (just in case i guess???) and completely forgot about it.
time has been so weird since 2020, i completely forgot about the toilet paper panic.
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I'm not certain as to how many people checked the description of the new hbomberguy video but he linked a playlist to queer creators on youtube!
Your New Favorite YouTubers - Queer YouTubers you should check out, meticulously compiled by Kat.
It's worth a look! Please don't forget to support your fellow queer creators on YouTube whilst spreading memes and jokes about James Somerton and discussing the hbomberguy video!!
EDIT: @cursedgamerchild pointed out THIS REDDIT THREAD made by Kat
Which is a thread to share more discoveries of plagiarism and also to share more queer creators who could use some love! There's also a link to a google form if you don't have reddit and want to share said information.
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