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#i just realized I didn’t post this episode yet
esperanza-cruz · a month ago
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Spooner Cruz in every episode: 7x07 - A Woman's Place is in the War Effort!
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cjsinkythoughts · 9 months ago
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The Conversation
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader
Word Count: 7661 (Don’t come at me - you guys asked for it)
Warnings: !FATWS Spoilers!, Cursing, Fluff, Feelings, I Dunno What Else, This One’s Pretty Chill, Except The Ending, But You’ll See When You Get There
A/N: Here it is! I was hesitant about posting it because that means we’re getting closer to the end and I’m such a nostalgic bitch! I’m definitely gonna cry next week when the last episode comes out! Anyways, I’ve got a few things to talk about:
I think this is one of the most important chapters I’ve written and I’m excited to see your reactions to it. It is longer, but you guys asked for that, so you got it! Also, I’m loving the Asks, Comments, and Reblogs. I try to respond to all of them. I have work in a little bit, so I won’t be able to until after, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Ask me anything; about my series, the show, any of the movies, personal stuff, I really don’t care. If you’re not comfortable, that’s totally fine! Every like means so much to me!
I know it’s not the end yet - we’ve got one more episode and a list of One Shots to get through - but there’s a definite feeling of this series coming to an end, and I just want to thank you all for the support and love you’ve been giving it! I’ve really enjoyed writing these characters and this story! It’s very, very special to me and I’m glad I’ve been able to share it with you lovely people!
On that note, be kind to yourselves and others! Thank you again for reading! Excuse any mistakes - this isn’t beta’d! Enjoy and stay tuned!
FATWS Masterlist
cjsinkythoughts Masterlist
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!SPOILERS UNDER CUT! (Sorry for the gifs I just love them so much and he’s so pretty and this part is technically two parts so...you get four!)
“Louisiana.” Bucky hummed, looking around the airport.
You rolled your eyes. “You’re not gonna find anything interesting about Louisiana in here, doofus. Let’s call an Uber.”
“An Ooper? What the hell is an Ooper?”
You giggled, shaking your head and grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the luggage carousel. “Uber. It’s like…a taxi service. But there’s an app on your phone to get a driver instead of waiting for one on the street.”
“Oh.” He blinked, tilting his head. “That’s…helpful.”
You laughed again, stopping in front of Carousel 3, where your flight from New York was assigned. You went back to New York to grab a bag with clean clothes and other necessities, along with taking a real shower for once. It was nice to be back in the States, as much as you loved traveling. It’d been a crazy few weeks and you were ready to just relax.
“Do you think there were any problems with Sammy’s present?”
Bucky shook his head. “Nah. Especially considering they know who we are.”
You snickered at his slight grumble. They had had…problems at the other two airports - first the one in Sokovia then JFK in New York - considering Bucky’s entire arm was metal. It’d taken a full hour before they actually let you go, and by that time they had to give you a new plane because yours had left.
“Seriously. Who else has a fucking metal arm and has 1917 listed as their birth year on their Driver’s License?” You giggled again. That was also true. They thought he was messing with them. It wasn’t until you stepped in a few minutes after they asked Bucky to step to the side, seeing Bucky get frustrated, that they realized Bucky wasn’t pulling their legs.
“Well, we’re here now and that’s all that matters.”
He nodded in agreement, watching for your bags, his hand finding yours when he realized how many people there were. “Do you know where he lives? I didn’t even think about it.”
“Yeah, don’t worry. He invited me over once. I declined, but I saved the address.”
“He…invited you over?” Bucky frowned.
You gave him a look. “I’m sure he invited you, too. You just never checked his texts.”
He licked his lips, tilting his head. “Yeah, no, I know, but I mean…why didn’t you go? Weren’t you two just talking about how you wanted to meet his nephews the other day?”
“Yeah, but I had gotten a tip on Wanda at the time and I didn’t want to miss the chance that she was there. He told me it was fine. I still felt really bad. I could tell he was a bit disappointed. I think it was one of the boys’ birthdays. Or something. I don’t remember. Is that bad? Yeah, probably. I really should remember. Maybe I should keep track of birthdays on my calendar or something.”
“Doll.” You looked up to find him giving you a magnificent smile, teeth and all. “You’re rambling.”
“Oh. Am I? Sorry. I didn’t realize.”
He shook his head quickly, squeezing your hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s cute. I’m just not used to you talking so much. You kinda did on the phone sometimes.”
You shrugged, pushing down the heat crawling up your neck at his words. “I rambled a lot to Steve.”
“Oh.”
His face fell, making you scrunch your eyebrows up in confusion, nudging him slightly to grin at him. “It’s nice to have someone to ramble to again, though.” There was that smile again. You were stopped from saying anything more when you noticed some kids pointing and chattering excitedly at a gleaming silver box coming around the corner on the conveyor belt. “There it is.”
He looked over his shoulder, dropping your hand and stepping over to grab it, lifting it effortlessly. You didn’t know what was in it or how heavy it was, but you were sure it felt like a feather to him.
“Alright. Got our bag, sweetheart?” You lifted up the duffle in answer and he jerked his head towards the doors. “Let’s get outta here, then. Call that Booper or whatever.”
“U-B-E-R! Ub-er!” You threw your hands up, following him as he started walking towards the exit. “What’s so hard about it?!”
He just gave you a little smirk over his shoulder.
***************
Bucky kept asking the Uber driver questions about his job. The guy was super nice and patient the whole time, a thick southern accent lacing his answers. Southern hospitality was no joke and apparently had no limit as Bucky asked about his experiences, listening intently and telling him his own stories of taxi drivers in NYC.
When you got to Sam’s sister’s house, Bucky, being Bucky, tipped the driver half of what you paid for the ride, thanking him for his time and energy, before getting out.
“You’re so adorable, you know that?” You teased him as you stepped up the porch stairs and knocked on the door.
He rolled his eyes, a tint of pink dusting across his cheeks. “He was nice.”
You hummed at his defense, the smile never leaving your features. After a moment, Bucky raised his fist to knock again. “Jesus Christ! Don’t fucking knock their door down!” You grabbed his wrist and lowered it.
“Sorry. I forget sometimes.” Bucky informed you absentmindedly,  tilting his head to peek in the window. “I don’t think anyone’s home.”
“They’re probably at the docks, then.”
Bucky raised an eyebrow. “The docks?”
You nodded, gesturing for him to follow you. “Yeah. They have a boat, remember? He talked about it last week.”
“Oh right. The one he’s trying to convince his sister not to sell.”
“Yeah.” You confirmed. “I’m pretty sure it’s that way. I don’t know how far, but we can call the Uber back-”
Bucky scrunched up his face and shook his head. “Nah. I don’t wanna bother him again. We can walk.”
You gave him an incredulous look. “It’s literally his job to drive people around.”
“Well, yeah, but what if he’s got other people to drive?”
You lifted his metal knuckles to your lips. “Trust me, Buck, I’m sure he’d rather drive you than anyone else.”
“Thank you?”
Swinging your now linked hands, you gave a firm nod, letting him know it was, in fact, a compliment. “You are so very welcome.”
The walk was a lot longer than you thought it was, and you ended up on Bucky’s back after he kept complaining about how you “shouldn’t be walking this long” and you were “injured” and you “needed rest’”. You’re not sure how a shoulder wound affected your ability to walk, but you relented and let him carry you the rest of the way to stop his whining.
“You forget, you did pull your thigh.”
“That was, like, three weeks ago! Yeesh!”
You finally got to the docks, which were bustling with people. Bucky set you down and raised an eyebrow which you shrugged in reply to, before heading over to where you spotted Sam with a few other older men.
“How do we get it off the truck?” You heard Sam ask, pointing to a large boat engine part in the bed of a beaten up truck. Scoffing as Bucky lifted it up without breaking a sweat, you leaned against the truck. Bucky grunted and set it down, looking at Sam.
“You’re welcome.” What a punk. “Just dropping this off.” Bucky lifted the case and set it where the engine was previously, Sam coming to stand on the opposite side of the truck as you. “You can sign for it and I’ll go.” You snorted, shaking your head, making Bucky shove your shoulder - the uninjured one - playfully. “I called in a favor from the Wakandans.”
Sam looked at you curiously. You shrugged and shook your head. “Don’t look at me, Sammy. He wouldn’t tell me what it is. He’s all hushy hushy about it until you say so.”
Before Sam could reply, there was a squeak and hissing over at the boat where steam was coming from a few pipes.
“Sam!” You knew that was Sarah from pictures Sam showed you. You stayed up by the truck, pulling yourself onto the bed while Sam tried fixing the pipe, Bucky butting in to show him how to do it properly.
“Why didn’t you use the metal arm?”
You saw Bucky lift up said metallic limb. “Well…I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m-I’m right handed.” Letting out a laugh, Bucky turned around and scowled teasingly at you. “And what’re you laughing at?!”
“Nothing!”
“Well then get your ass over here!”
You rolled your eyes, hopping down from the truck as Bucky asked if Sam wanted help with the boat. You leaned against a wooden post, grinning when Sam looked at you.
“I don’t have any plans.”
Sam gave a small smile, jerking his head back. “Yeah.”
You jumped down onto the boat to follow him, looking over your shoulder and stopping with an amused eyebrow raised as Bucky introduced himself to Sarah. “I’m Bucky.”
“Ah…Sarah.”
“Sarah.” Bucky repeated her name, before walking towards you, a grin still on his lips.
“Careful, Barnes. That playboy Steve warned me about is coming out.” You nudged him with a smirk, ignoring the feeling of your stomach dropping.
He rolled his eyes, kissing your head as he passed you and Sam to go where Sam was gesturing. “Don’t worry, Y/N. You’re still my doll.”
Sam raised an eyebrow, falling into step besides you and lowering his voice. “Conversation?”
“Hasn’t happened.” You informed him through clenched teeth as he groaned.
Sam gave you a list of chores that needed to be done to clean up the boat, giving you a quick tour and letting you know where all the tools needed where. You set to work immediately.
Sanding down, replacing old parts, cleaning, polishing and painting over the things that didn’t need replacing. They didn’t let you do any heavy lifting because of your stupid shoulder, but you were still able to help.
Sam had turned on some music for you to listen to, so you danced around the boat while cleaning. Turning your head when you felt a pair of eyes on you, you smiled when Bucky snapped his head back down to the wood he was sanding down.
“Gonna dance, Barnes?”
He looked back over, shaking his head. “Nah. I’m good watching you.”
Rolling your eyes, you got back to work, continuing to bop to the music, fully aware that he was watching you now.
A little while later, you were repainting the edges of the boat orange, when you looked over and noticed Bucky playing around with a paint scraper…sitting right on the edge that you had just finished repainting a few minutes ago.
“Buck!”
He looked over, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”
You bit your lip, trying to hold back your mischievous grin. Shaking your head, you waved dismissively. “Never mind!”
He gave you a confused sort of pout, before shrugging and continuing to fidget with the tool. It wasn’t until later when he got up to help Sam tear the metal plating off the edge that it came to light with Sam chuckling and raising an eyebrow.
“Sit in something there, Barnes?”
“What?”
Bucky craned his neck back, eyes widening when he saw the orange paint on his ass, contrasting with his jeans. You let out a cackle and he whipped towards you, pointing at you accusingly, although the small uptick of his lips let you know he wasn’t really mad.
“Y/N!”
“No, no, no!” You laughed, sprinting across the deck, shrieking when he grabbed your waist and spun you around. You gasped when he grabbed a paint brush and painted an orange stripe right down the front of your shirt. “James!”
“Justice, sweetheart.” He breathed in your ear with a chuckle.
You shook your head, wiggling out of his hold. “This is a nice shirt!”
“You should’ve thought about that before.” He smirked, crossing his arms. Your eyes caught sight of Sam behind him, who raised an eyebrow and the bucket of paint he was holding. You nodded with a little giggle, making Bucky’s eyes narrow. “What’s so funny over there, do - holy shit!
You guffawed as orange paint dripped down his head, Sam standing innocently behind him with the now empty bucket behind his back. “Samuel!”
“Oops?”
“I’m gonna kill you!”
“Try me old man!”
“Fuck!
“Doll!”
“Oh my God!”
Paint, orange and white since those were the only cans they had out, flew across the deck, paint brushes being used like fencing swords.
You found out too late that wet paint was a little bit slippery and you slid on a huge puddle, sending you, not onto the ground below, but over the side of the edge into the water. 
“Doll!”
“Cher, you good?!” 
The three of you looked at each other, stunned for a moment, before bursting into fits of laughter and you nodded. “I’m good!”
The boys helped you get back up onto the dock, Sarah appearing with towels she conjured up out of thin air. “Let’s get you into dry clothes. Do you have-?”
“We’ve got some. We got a bag.” You told her with a grin, facing the guys. “You two should clean up some, too. Sammy, you’ve got a little something right there.” You pointed to your cheek, his own having a giant white splotch from his temple to his jaw. “And Buck?” You sniggered, gesturing to the whole of him. “You’ve got a lotta something right there.” 
“Ha. Ha.” He looked down. His top was practically tiger print, drenched in orange with white here and there, and his ass still orange as well. His hair, which had been plastered to his forehead, was starting to dry now, and it only made you laugh some more thinking about what a pain it’d be to get it out. For him, at least.
“God. Can’t even have a relaxing day on the boat with you two.” Sam jested once you finished up and joined him and Bucky, who had just finished dumping out some water buckets. Bucky had changed his shirt and it looked like they tried wiping their faces, but Sam still had small lines of white down his face. “How ‘bout a couple of drinks? Surely you can’t ruin that too.”
“Ruin?” You gasped in mock offence. “Sammy! I just made the day more…interesting.”
Sam chuckled, ruffling Bucky’s hair, which still had orange streaks in it. “Let’s go get some beers.”
************
You chatted for a bit, mainly you and Sam with you asking how Sarah and the boys were while Bucky with your legs in his lap, just listening to you two and sipping at his bottle. You had his hand in your own lap, wiping it down with a rag due to the paint that got on it.
“You’re lucky this is vibranium, you know.” You commented off handedly. “If it was your other one, it’d definitely get stained.”
“And who’s fault is that?” Bucky shot back with a teasing grin.
“Sammy’s.”
Sam spluttered. “Wh-what?! You started it!” You laughed, shaking your head.
Falling into a comfortable silence with just the water and birds chirping as your soundtrack, you downed the rest of your drink, which Bucky took as finished. “Well,” you moved your legs to let him stand up. He leaned forwards to clink his bottle against Sam’s and you stood up and stretched. “Gotta catch our flight tomorrow. Get a hotel room for the night.” Sam gave you a look to which you rolled your eyes at as Bucky set down his bottle and grabbed his jacket. “Crash, you know?”
“So you’re just gonna set me up like that, huh?”
“Well I don’t wanna make it weird for your family.”
“Just stay here.” You laughed as Sam babbled on about how nice the people were here, grabbing the jacket Bucky handed to you. It was getting a bit chilly from the breeze on the water and the sun going down. Plus, that water was cold.
“But don’t flirt with my sister.”
You cackled at Bucky’s face, that turned serious, his head shaking. “No.”
“‘Cause if you do I’ll have Carlos cut you up and feed you to the fish.”
“Can’t hold back the dog, Wilson. It’s been stuck in a kennel too long.”
Bucky turned to you, grabbing your jaw and squishing your cheeks together. “You know what? You need to shush. You’ve been snippy all day.”
You just smiled as innocently as you could with your lips being held by his metal fingers. “You’re too fun to mess with.”
He pecked your nose. “As long as I’m the only one you’re messing with. I’ll be right back.” He let you go and spun around, maneuvering around the boat in a way only a trained assassin could do.
“Oh my God, please! Please just put me out of my fucking misery! You’re killing me, cher.”
“What?” You gaped at him.
“Don’t act innocent!” Sam huffed, giving you a pointed look. “If I have to watch you two make googly eyes at you one more fucking day with neither of you doing anything about it-”
You rolled your eyes. “Oh come on, Sammy-”
“Don’t ‘come on, Sammy’ me! And don’t come at me with that ‘he doesn’t like me back’ bullshit. If you think for a second that boy wouldn’t follow you to the depths of the fucking ocean, you’re blind as a bat, woman.”
You shrugged, pushing up the sleeves of Bucky’s too big jacket. “It just…hasn’t come up.”
He deadpanned, shaking his head and standing up. “That’s it. I’m done. You two are driving me insane. I’m gonna lock you in a room until you have the conversation that needs to be had the next time either of you does something stupid.”
“Yikes. That’s gonna be quick.” At his look, your smile dropped and you nodded. “Okay, okay. I’ll…I’ll bring it up later.”
“Tomorrow or nothing.”
“Sam-”
Sam tilted his head, brow creasing. “Is it still Steve? Is that what this is still about? Because he’s gone, and he’s been gone and you need to get over it-”
“No. It’s not…” You sighed. “It clicked the other day. When we were hanging out. Steve left and, yeah, I might always love him, but Bucky…God…I love Bucky, Sam.”
The man grinned proudly. “I’m glad to finally hear you admit it. So what’s the problem?”
“It’s still complicated, right? I mean…he’s his best friend and I’ve never dealt with stuff like this before and-”
Sam’s smile dropped and he groaned again. “Imma head out. I can’t take this. Dumbass and dumberass. I swear to God.” You sniggered a bit as he grumbled, walking towards the ramp to climb off the boat, just as Bucky reappeared.
“Hey-”
“Nope! Not right now, Barnes! I can’t handle it! I can’t!”
Bucky gave you a weird look. “What’d you do?”
You chuckled, shaking your head. “Nothing.”
“Well, c’mon, doll. Sarah said she’s gonna make gumbo for us, whatever that is.” He held out his hand as you walked over. 
“You’re such a city boy.” You teased lightly, taking his hand and letting him help you pull you onto the dock. You shoved the sleeves of his jackets up again since they slipped from the first time. “Let’s go get some dinner. I’m starving.”
******************
“We have the couch and a mattress we can pull out, I just have to make Sam get it from the attic-”
“That’s alright. The couch is fine.” Bucky waved dismissively while you nodded in agreement.
Sarah raised an eyebrow at you two. “For both of you?”
You blinked, exchanging a look with Bucky, before shrugging and turning back to her. “Yeah.”
“Don’t fight it, Sarah.” Sam peeked out from the hall. “They’ve got a weird relationship.” You stuck your tongue out at the man while Bucky rolled his eyes, dropping your duffle bag by the couch. “How mature, Y/N.” Sam mimicked your action.
“Uhm…okay. Let me set up the couch for you then.”
Once everything was set up, you and Bucky thanking her for dinner - delicious and you’d never seen Bucky smile so much, the boys having kept him highly entertained throughout the meal - and for letting you crash, Sam and Sarah headed to their rooms, the boys already having been tucked in for the night.
“Are you gonna sleep on the floor?” You asked quietly, sitting down on the couch and doing the things for your night routine you didn’t already do in the bathroom.
“I think I’ll be okay.” He sat besides you. “I’ve been doing fine the past week or so.”
You smiled at him. “That’s good. Alright.” You stood up and stretched. “Let me just make sure everything’s in the bag and ready-”
You yelped when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest, shifting down to lay against the couch’s arm. “Do it in the morning.” He yawned, looking up at you tiredly. “I wanna go to sleep.”
“Then go to sleep, Buck. I’ll be right back.” He shook his head, his hold tightening as he sunk deeper into the couch.
“No. I fall asleep better with you.”
You rolled your eyes but grinned, settling down with your legs between his, your chin resting on his sternum so you could still look at him. He beamed, but you could see the exhaustion settling in, and he grabbed the blanket Sarah left over the back of the couch and draped it across your back, over both of your legs, before his arms crossed snugly under the covers at the small of your back.
“Dinner was nice tonight. I haven’t had a meal cooked like that in ages.” You hummed.
He nodded in agreement. “I think that’s the first time I’ve sat around a table with a family since the 40′s.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Did you like it?”
“Yeah...kinda makes me wish I had my own.”
“Your own what?”
“Family.”
You bit your lip, shyly avoiding his gaze. “You’re my family, Buck.”
A light kiss was pressed to your forehead, his fingers bringing your gaze back to his. “There’s no one else I’d rather have.” The room lapsed into silence again, the clock ticking on the wall, the low sound of crickets outside.
“You have really pretty eyes.” You mumbled, tilting your head slightly as you studied them. They always held so much emotion in them, especially in contrast to when you first met him as Soldat. They matched the water you fell in, and you wouldn’t mind falling over and over into them.
“Yeah, well, you’re just really pretty inside and out, so I think you’ve got me beat, doll.” He whispered back.
“You know who else is pretty? Sarah.”
He nodded with a hum. “That’s true. But I meant what I said. You’ll always be my doll.”
“So you’re not gonna ask her out?”
He gave you a weird look as you traced his sharp jawline absentmindedly. “Nah, sweetheart. It’s just…some harmless flirting. Except on Sam’s part.”
You gave a soft huff of laughter. “Yeah…he’s gonna strangle you. It is nice to see you like that, though. Flirty. Relaxed. Happy.”
“You make me happy, sweetheart.” He hummed, nosing your temple. “The road trip helped. I’m learning everything from you. Maybe not the flirting, but the carefree part.”
You blinked at him, finger stopping for a moment as you thought. “Oh…”
You felt his fingers dance up your spine, making you shiver slightly. “What I would give to know what’s goin’ on inside that pretty lil’ head’a yours, doll.”
“I just think it’s funny you’re learning how to be carefree from me…when I just started learning how to do it myself.”
“Oh yeah?”
You nodded, your finger continuing its path down his jaw. “I think it started with the goats.”
“The goats?”
You nodded again, resting your cheek on his chest, watching your finger move up from his chin. Once you got to the end of his jaw, you lightly scratched his scruff. “In Wakanda. Our goats.” You weren’t looking at him, so you didn’t see the way he physically melted at your words, his eyes going soft, his lips turning up slightly.
“Our goats, huh?”
But your tired brain wasn’t really processing what he said, instead focusing on the features your finger was now tracing - over his lips, up his nose. “You’re pretty too, Buck. Did you know that? Inside and out.”
He craned his neck to kiss your forehead. “Go to sleep, cuddle bug.”
Nodding, you nuzzled into his chest, finger feeling over the bumps and indents on the dog tags resting near your head. You tried going to sleep, but you kept shifting, your mind not shutting off.
“Hey, sleepyhead, I’m trying to, you know, sleep.”
“Sorry.” You apologized meekly. “I just…I dunno. I can’t.”
“Are you comfortable?” He peeked open and eye to look at you questioningly. You nodded. “Is it too hot? We can take the blanket off. I know I’m a walking furnace-”
You shook your head. “No. I don’t know why. I just can’t sleep.”
He licked his lips thoughtfully, before cradling your head and guiding you back down to his chest. “Lay down, sweetheart. Relax.” He stroked your hair, moving his head down to rub circles in your back muscles, pressing down harder when he felt knots. 
You hummed, your eyes closing. “That feels good.”
“Shshsh. Just go to sleep.” His lips pressed against your head once more, lingering a bit longer than they usually do, as you felt yourself drift off. You cuddled his side, throwing a leg over his waist, before nodding off, only barely hearing his words. “Attagirl. There we are.”
******************
“Doll?” You felt a shift underneath you and groaned, your eyes barely cracking open. “Hey, sleepyhead…it’s okay. I’m just gonna slip out from under ya, alright? Gonna go help Sammy with somethin’.”
You raised an eyebrow, letting him move you against the cushions as he sat up on the edge of the couch. “Sammy?”
“Yeah.” He bent over and kissed your cheek. You stretched out your limbs, about to rub your eyes, when he stopped you, kissing the inside of your wrists. “No. Not you, doll. Go back to sleep.” 
“Bu’...’m gonna help.” You slurred out, looking at him with confused, squinty eyes.
He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Rest. You can help when you wake up again. Okay?” You mumbled out an “okay”, bringing the covers up to your chin and snuggling deeper into the cushions. “There ya go, cuddle bug. Good girl.” There was another kiss, one to your temple this time, before you slipped back into unconsciousness.
******************
The next time you woke up was because of a clatter in the kitchen. You yawned and sat up, stretching, eyebrows furrowing when you realized Bucky wasn’t with you. It took you a moment to remember your conversation, which you half thought you dreamt.
“Boys!”
“Sorry!”
You chuckled at the shouts, rubbing your eyes. “I am so sorry!” Sarah apologized, looking over at you from the stove. Trying to make the boys breakfast before school. Do you want anything? Eggs? Cereal? Toast?”
“Uh, cereal’s fine.” You stretched out your back again, before throwing back the covers and standing up, a little shakily.
“You wouldn’t happen to know where Sam went, would you?”
You raised an eyebrow. “Uh, I think him and Bucky went to fix something on the boat. I don’t for sure, though.”
Sarah groaned. “He probably went to fix the stupid water pump which doens’t need fixing. Dumbass.”
You chuckled, padding over into the kitchen. “Yeah. I just work with him. I can’t imagine growing up with him.”
“Trust me; some days you want to throw him in a box and send him out to sea. Bowls are in that cupboard.”
You snickered, moving over to grab a bowl from the cupboard she pointed to. “That’s how I feel with Bucky. Sam is less often, but when those two get together…it’s a full zoo.”
She laughed at that, nodding as she got out the milk and a few boxes of cereal for you to choose from, handing you a spoon. “That I believe.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course.”
You started pouring your cereal, watching in slight amusement as she got the boys ready for school. “Bus is here! Get out the door! Bye! Love you! Make sure you take those extra lunches to-!”
“Yeah, mom! We know! Love you too!”
You gave a slight smirk as she huffed, looking around the kitchen at the pans and dishes left out. “Kids, huh?”
She gave you a smile. “Yeah. They’re a handful, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. How about you? Any thoughts of kids?”
“Me?” Your eyes widened, nearly choking on your food. “Oh God no. Not right now, at least. I don’t even have a solid house right now. My life’s too off the walls for that.”
“And Bucky?”
You raised an eyebrow as she leaned on the counter. “Bucky? What about Bucky?”
“Does he want kids?”
“Uh…I dunno.” You shrugged, clearing your throat as you remembered your talk last night. “Kinda makes me wish I had my own.” You quickly pushed his words aside. “He hasn’t told me.”
“Wait, wait. You two…aren’t together then?”
You blinked, your eyes widening again. “Together? Me and Bucky? No…why? Did Sam say something?”
Her expression morphed into one of disbelief, crossing her arms. “Sam didn’t say anything. You guys did. Are you seriously expecting me to believe you aren’t together?”
“We’re not! I mean - he was flirting with you yesterday-”
“Right, okay. Honey, that’s flirting. And it’s harmless. The way he follows you like a puppy and you look at him like he hung the stars? That’s feelings. And that’s a lot more impactful than flirting.”
You frowned in contemplation. It was really that obvious? You were really that blind? This whole time? You knew Sam knew - but you just figured that’s because he’s been there since it started. And Sharon knew for the same reason. But Sarah? The woman you just met the day prior and had barely had a conversation with?
“It’s, uh…” You chewed on your cheek, swirling your cereal around. “It’s complicated.”
Sarah didn’t look impressed. “Do you like him?”
“I’m kinda in love with him-”
She shrugged, not letting you finish your bashful statement. “Then I don’t see what’s complicated about it.”
And that was that. She turned to clean up breakfast, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
You thought it was more complicated than that. I mean…you were in love with your best friend. Who left you. With the guy you had feelings for who just so happened to be your best friend/crush’s best friend. And now you were completely in love with your best friend’s best friend, but your best friend still had a piece of your heart.
But…you loved Bucky. And he was here. And Steve was not. And when you put it that way…you guess it wasn’t so complicated after all.
******************
You snickered as you walked up behind Sarah, the woman berating the men for not leaving the water pump along like she asked.
“Hi, Sarah.”
Sam shot Bucky a warning look, who grinned, but you were surprised to see Sarah ignore him, sending you a knowing glance instead, before turning back to Sam. “I told you specifically that the water pump was not the problem, and yet, here you are.”
“Yep, Samuel.”
You chuckled, Bucky shooting you a wink. “Yeah, Samuel.”
Sam narrowed his eyes at you, turning to Sarah. “In our defense, you were supposed to be done long before you woke up.”
You nearly facepalmed at his “defensive” and you were trying so hard to hold back laughing as she told Sam off, sending them away.
“I don’t wanna hear a peep from you.” Sam pointed at you, but that only made your chortles come out, and you didn’t even bother hiding them. “She’s a very mean person.”
“It’s tough love.”
You giggled as they started arguing, slipping an arm around their waists, their arms instinctually coming up to your shoulders.
“Oh my God. A prowess?”
“Yes, Y/N. A prowess.”
“You know, maybe if you someone let me help-”
“Hey, woah! You were tired! I let you sleep! I was being nice!”
“Too late now. I’ll be lucky if Sarah lets me within a hundred feet of it!”
“She got you so good, Sammy!”
“I agree with Buck for once! You’re too snippy right now! And c’mon man! Stop flirting with my sister!”
“It’s my natural charm.”
“Charm? What charm?”
“Ouch, doll! That one hurt!”
****************
“Okay.” You stepped out of the bathroom, walking over to the couch and setting the bag down on it. “I’ve got everything packed. We’ve got a little over an hour until we need to head out which gives you two time to go set something up for Sammy and maybe even a bit or training before we leave.” 
Bucky frowned. “You’re not gonna come out?”
“I will in a bit. I just got a phone call I need to take.”
Sam narrowed his eyes. “Government call?”
You gave a mocking smile. “Can you guess what they want to talk about? It’s okay. I’ll survive. It’s only a phone call, so I can always hang up. Pretend I didn’t have good service. I do it all the time.”
“I’m sure you do.” Sam chuckled. “In that case, I’m gonna go grab some stuff and get the shield.” As he walked out, he made sure to mouth at you behind Bucky’s back ‘conversation’ making you swallow thickly. You were planning on talking to Bucky anyways, and with Sam’s insistence…
“Okay, so, I was thinking when we get back-”
“Can I talk to you?”
Bucky stopped digging through the bag, blinking at you in surprise at your sudden burst. “Uh…well, we already are, so yes.” He chuckled, straightening and crossing his arms.
“I wanna have the conversation.”
He was left stunned, once again, his mouth opening and closing and his weight shifting form one foot to the other. “Like…that conversation? R-right now? Are you sure?”
You winced at her nervousness. “Sorry, sorry. I know it’s kinda…I just…I need to talk about it. Now.”
“Okay, okay. No, that’s fine. Don’t apologize. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Bucky cleared his throat. “That’s all.”
“Okay…” You breathed with a small nod. You opened your mouth, but Bucky shook his head.
“I hafta say this first; I didn’t mean to hurt you by telling you about Steve. I-I dunno what I thought. That it’d give you closure or something. I dunno. But it hurt you and I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention.”
“Buck-”
“I was jealous. And guilty. And mad. And upset. I still am. Kinda. I guess. I dunno.” Bucky shook his head, running his hand through his hair and all you could do was gape at him as he started confessing to you. “Remember when we danced? In Madripoor? Doll…I don’t wanna dance ever again if it’s not with you. I fucking love you, Y/N. And not in the way we’ve said it before. I’m in love with you. I have been for-for a while now. I just - you were Steve’s. Steve loved you and you loved Steve and that was that and I was just the broken childhood best friend. But Steve left and he told me to take care of you and I didn’t know what to do with that, because you still love Steve. I think. I dunno. And I didn’t want to break what we have because you’re all I have left of him. You and that stupid shield. You’re my family. My home. I really meant it when I told you that. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you. Because it means too much for me to break what we have because I fell in love with my best friend’s girl. You know?”
He looked at you with pleading eyes, begging you to understand, but your brain was still trying to process what he was telling you.
“Oh God…” He groaned. “And now I just told you everything and you’re looking at me like that wasn’t what you wanted to hear and now I’m thinking this wasn’t the conversation you were thinking it was going to be-”
You were moving across the room before you could stop yourself, pulling him by the teal Henley you knew was comfortable having worn it to bed before when you visited him in New York, and slanting your lips over his.
His breathing hitched and he froze, and for a hot second you thought you made everything worse, but then he was kissing you back and his hands were on your hips and he was pulling you closer and it felt so fucking good you didn’t want to pull back for air.
“Shut up.” You muttered when you finally did pull back, your forehead against his, your eyes clenched shut. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.” You pulled back to look up at him, chests heaving against each other, your eyes prickling. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at opening up. I only ever was good at it with Steve but Bucky…I’ve been doing it with you. This whole time and I didn’t even realize it until the conversation in the car.”
He reached up to cup your cheeks, wiping away the relieved tears that were falling from the weight you were finally getting off your chest.
“I love you. I’m in love with you. How could I not be? After all that time in Wakanda? I was never Steve’s girl, Bucky. I wanted to be. Dammit, did I wanna be, but I wasn’t. Not really. And he’s gone. But you’re not. And I don’t know why it took me so long to see that. That you’re the one in front of me. You’re the one who held me when I needed it once he left. You’re the one that would listen to my rambles that I’m just realizing was most of our phone calls. You’re not just the broken childhood friend. Don’t ever think that. I don’t pick up the phone at five in the morning after searching for a friend until two for just anyone. Even Steve’s best friend. And I’m such an idiot because I’ve been pushing away my feelings all these years for Steve and then I let them out with you at the wrong time, because I love Steve, Bucky, but I’m not in love with him. Not since I fell in love with you. And I know it doesn’t make sense, but Steve was the first one I cared about and that’s just how I feel and I can try to explain, but-”
His lips crashed onto yours again and you could taste the salty tears that were pouring down your cheeks, but you didn’t care. He was holding you and he was kissing you and it was even more perfect than you thought it’d be.
“You’re adorable when you ramble, but Jesus Christ, shuddup, doll.” He breathed. “Just tell me you love me. Tell me you love me just a fraction of how much I love you.”
You looked up into those ocean eyes, your own shining with earnest affection. “James Buchanan Barnes. I love you.”
“That’s all I need to know.” He murmured against your lips, holding your head against his, still wiping away your tears. It felt like with each one that fell, you felt lighter and lighter. Like they were taking away every fear and anxiety you held within you for the past six months.
“Alright! I was thinking we could just set up in these trees out here - holy shit! Is it done? Did you do it? Did I miss it? Has the conversation been had?”
Bucky chuckled as you giggled. “He has the worst timing.” The last two words were loud enough so Sam could hear, although the man heard the whole sentence. 
“I’m gonna take that as a yes!” Sam cheered. “Halle-fucking-lujah! Finally! I was that close to locking you two in the attic.”
You shook your head at Sam’s personal celebration, drowning the rest of his words out as you looked at Bucky, who swept his thumb over your cheek catching one last tear, before pecking your lips.
“I finally get to kiss where I really want to.” He spoke softly, kissing your lips again. “Are you mine, doll?”
“I thought you said I’d always be your doll.” You answered cheekily. He grinned, kissing you again, pulling you against him by the hips.
“Okay, okay! That’s enough! We get it! You’re in love, finally, but I don’t wanna see it anymore! Now will you come help me with this shit?”
Bucky left one more lingering kiss on your lips, before you pushed him away reluctantly. “I’ll be right out.”
He nodded, moving over to help Sam carry the things he’d gathered.
You watched them put it all up from the window, gnawing on your cheek as you spun your phone in your hands. Coming to a decision, you tossed your phone in the duffle bag and walked out with it just as the boys finished.
“That was a quick phone call.” Sam raised an eyebrow.
You shrugged. “Didn’t call them. If they really need me, they’ll find me.”
Bucky grinned as you set the bag down under a tree, pecking your lips when you got close enough for him to grab by the waist to hold you against him. You rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully away and giggling as Sam let out a groan.
“Alright. Let’s see what you’ve got, Sammy.”
~
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Bucky knew he needed the tough love talk Sam was giving him. He needed to hear it. Because, deep down, he had known it all along, he just refused to believe it. He tried doing it. Making amends. He knew he wasn’t though. And of course he knew immediately who that one person would be.
“And hey.” Bucky looked at him. “Let me tell you what. Telling my girl all that you told her? That’s a good start. I’m proud of you. Both of you. You’re already happier. I can see it in your eyes.”
Bucky chuckled, shaking his head as he thought of the gorgeous woman he nearly let slip through his fingers. He looked over to the house, where she was inside somewhere getting ready after suddenly deciding she needed to shower before they left. “I was stupid.”
“Yeah you were. You both were. I’m so relieved it’s over.” Sam nudged him. “Treat her right, Buck. She deserves it.”
“I know…I just hope I can.”
Sam shook his head. “Uh-uh. Don’t do that. You were just starting to use that cyborg brain of yours! She chose you. And before you say anything,” Sam cut Bucky off from speaking as he opened his mouth to object. “She chose you before Steve left. It just took her dumbass this long to realize it.”
Bucky nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah…okay…” Before he could say anything, the goddess herself stepped out, jogging over, looking absolutely amazing in her jeans and his t-shirt. “Good talk.”
Sam laughed at his quick ending of the conversation as she came up besides them. “Talking about me?” She asked cheekily, eyes shining. Bucky couldn’t help but take her under his arm, pecking her lips. Now that he could, he didn’t think he could stop. He was addicted to say the least.
Throwing Bucky a wink, Sam shrugged. “Just all the things that get on our nerves.”
“Ha ha.” She rolled her eyes. “We better get going.”
Bucky and Sam clapped hands. “You know Karli won’t quit.”
Bucky smiled. “Ah. You call us when you have a lead and we’ll be there.”
Y/N stepped forwards to give Sam a hug. “Anytime, Sammy.”
“Eh. Anytime between noon and midnight.” Bucky corrected. “Or noon and ten. Noon and five…you better just call at noon to be safe.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure.”
“Not necessarily as a team.” Bucky continued, grabbing the bag, getting Y/N back in her spot at his side under his arm.
“Nope!”
“We’re not that good.”
“Definitely not.”
“We’re professionals.”
“Definitely.”
“And, uh, we’re partners.”
Sam snapped, pointing at him. “Coworkers.”
“But we’re also a couple of guys with a couple mutual friends.”
“Ones now gone and you’re dating the other.”
“So we’re a couple of guys…with a badass to help out.”
“I can live with that.”
“Perfect.”
“Oh my God.” Y/N let out that laugh Bucky could never get enough of, shaking her head at the two of them. “You forgot dumbasses.”
Sam shook his head. “Nuh-uh. That’s your couple name.”
“Dumbasses?”
“Oh yeah.” The three of them came to a stop, Bucky and his girl - God he loved confirming it now - facing Sam. “Thanks for the help, guys. Meant a lot.”
Bucky patted his shoulder. “Of course.”
Y/N shot him a wink. “Until we meet again, Sammy.”
“Until then, cher.”
Bucky couldn’t stop his grin as she wrapped her arms around his waist, the two of them starting to walk to the main road where she already ordered an Uber. He looked down at her, kissing her lips for the nth time in the past hour.
“I wish I didn’t wait so long,” he told her seriously. “But I’d wait a thousands more centuries if it meant I get to call you mine.”
She giggled, shaking her head. “You’re such a sap! But…” she moved up to kiss him and his heart stuttered. He knew he had a goofy grin on when she pulled back, but he couldn’t help it. Especially when she laughed again. “I have to agree with you on that, Buckaroo.”
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matan4il · 8 months ago
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Buddie 413 meta
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Buck talking make-up with the bridezilla is the kind of ‘secure in his masculinity’ content that I fucking love 911 for. And even though Eddie makes a face (he's on teasing boyfriend duty), right after that he basically continues along the same line of helping the bride, by pointing out she’ll have her veil to help disguise what happened. I love the lack of panic over discussing make-up and bridal veils, plus the way Buddie naturally complement each other.
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Also, the mother of the bridezilla talking about being too lenient with her made me grin. A small wink at Buck and Eddie’s exchange over what is “too much discipline” that we saw in 410? ;) Might be a coincidence, but it's still a fun little throwback to Buddie's parental discipline banter.
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David hanging out with Michael and his kids, being a part of their custom to play games together (since we learn this isn’t a new thing) reminded me of how Buck is a part of Eddie and Christopher's game nights, as seen in 309 and 403. This small parallel made me so happy. Buddie are BOYFRIENDS, confirmed (yet again). Oh, but Michael wants both David, his boyfriend, and Bobby, his best friend, to be there in order for this to be complete. Buddie don’t need anyone else there during Buddifer game nights, because they are both. And isn’t that a part of what makes Buddie so special? How many other same-sex canon ships have we gotten to see on screen who are built as both? I think it’s a part of why we want to see them become canon so much...
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Another small touch that I liked was the glimpse of Eddie’s St. Christopher necklace in the dinner scene. Honestly, it’s such a nice touch of continuity and it also reminds us what a great dad he is, which fits how naturally he goes above and beyond the call of duty when helping out Charlie.
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It’s an interesting shot when Carla comes back and they celebrate her birthdays together. When she comes in through the door, Eddie and Chris hug her, but Ana is left to the side. That’s understandable, Carla doesn’t know Ana much at this point. The camera didn’t have to linger on Ana outside of this circle of love and connectedness, however, and yet it did. Then at the dinner table, we see Ana physically connected to Chris, but not to Eddie. This leads to the way Eddie talks about her to Carla. It’s “nice” and “easy”. But that’s not necessarily love. Especially this early on in a relationship, love gives you butterflies in your stomach and makes you nervous. It makes you buzzingly uncomfortable in your own skin in that good way of being hyper-aware of someone else’s presence and of everything between the two of you, because everything matters. It’s challenging and makes you gulp because you want this thing so much. And Carla picks up on the fact that something’s lacking, telling Eddie to make sure he’s following his own heart and not just staying with Ana for Christopher’s sake. The look Eddie gets after that is even more telling than Carla's words that she is, in fact, completely right. It all paints a picture that tells us Eddie’s at the start of realizing he’s with Ana for the wrong reason…
(meta and gifs for THAT SCENE under the cut to save your dashboards)
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All that would have been a lot in itself, but then we get all of this leading to Eddie getting shot while paired off with Buck. Consider how the show took pains to make sure it would be Eddie and Buck together out there in the street, even though Chim was shown to be a part of the conversation when Eddie got Charlie’s call. He and Buck are just coming in, so they’re still in civilian clothes, Buck finds it so important to go with Eddie, he doesn’t even change into his uniform before they get to Charlie. But we’re shown Chim did change into his uniform and that he didn’t come along, even though it’s clear they had a medical emergency on their hands and Chim’s a paramedic, unlike Buck and more experienced than Eddie. It would make more sense for Buck to stay at the station and for Chim to go with Eddie, but nope. Buddie are a team. Where one goes, the other one follows, even in civvies and when it doesn’t make sense. “All we ever wanted was to go together,” as Mitchell told Buck in 208.
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Then we have the way the shooting is filmed. I already screamed about the ceaseless eye contact, because it is incredible, but let me try to be more coherent about it. When Eddie’s shot, we immediately see Buck, Eddie’s blood splattered on him. Eddie’s looking down, but as the reality of the bullet piercing him starts to set in, he looks up at Buck, seeking his gaze. They hold it for a really long moment. This shot establishes the moment as a shared experience. It’s served by the contrast with the previous shot. Right before the sniper shoots, the camera is restless, circling Eddie, showing us Buck in his perimeter, but not stopping on anything. This enhances the still shot of them just standing there, staring at each other. The sound also plays into this, going from a noisy street to blocking out all human communication. It will only kick back in later. Both the camera and sound choices highlight that Buddie are having one of those moments of wordless communication that they often share, only this time it’s wordless, because there are no words for what they’re trying to process together. They’re within the same bubble of shock and emotional pain that’s only beginning to take shape.
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I can’t emphasize enough how much this shot is a romantic trope. I know the most immediate parallel is to Buddie themselves, in ep 306, because we have them similarly standing across from one another, staring at the other guy, and because we have the episode director’s confirmation that this was meant to mimic lovers' cinematography. But I think this shot is even more meaningful, with the whole build up around it and the way this turn of events is the ep’s climax, and it reminds me of other examples from TV and movies when we see would be lovers about to be torn apart, maybe forever, with the threat of death hanging over them. The most famous example that jumps into my head is Han Solo and Princess Leia when he’s about to be lowered into the pit. That’s the moment when she chooses to finally confess she loves him. It’s honestly impossible not to see the romantic trope subtext.
Now I have to add a word about Buddie’s record when it comes to the other guy being in danger. In ep 203, Buck tells Ali he’s glad not to be worried about Abby and Ali replies that it must be nice to have someone to be worried about. During the tsunami eps, we have a scene of Eddie leaving Buck a message, telling him about the tsunami and that Eddie’s glad Buck’s missing it. Buck is the person Eddie worries about in a way that parallels how Abby, Buck’s former romantic partner, was the person Buck used to be worried about. That’s pretty powerful in itself, but consider all the times they now had to stand there and watch, incredibly worried for the other man. We had Buck going crazy when Eddie climbed into a burning house in 214, Eddie watching Buck lying wounded in the street in 218 and rushing to hold his hand as soon as he could, Buck losing his mind over Eddie trapped underground in 315, and then Eddie watching the factory explosion knowing Buck’s inside and reacting by leading the charge to get him out. Now we get Buck having to watch Eddie as he’s shot and about to collapse. This scene is made all the more poignant because of all of these other scenes leading up to it. It infuses this scene with accumulated meaning and adds to the sense that even though it was only Eddie who was hit by the bullet, they’re both irreversibly affected by the bullet.
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Then Eddie collapses. The danger is still present, the sniper is still around, but Buck is so paralyzed by shock, he can’t even think of taking cover himself, Captain Mehta has to force him to do this. And then as they’re both laying on the ground, they’re still holding each other’s gaze across the firetruck between them. The whole world is narrowed down to the other man’s eyes. More than that, Buck angles his body towards Eddie, almost like he’s stupidly thinking of getting up and running to him, while Eddie’s hand reaches out for Buck. The shots deliberately captures Buck’s body and Eddie’s hand in the frame so that we see this.
When all this is playing with the lead up of Carla advising Eddie to follow his heart, when shows tend to deliver the emotional impact of a character getting hurt through showing us the person who’s their significant other (romantic partner or the person destined to be that) during this, when Ana is nowhere to be found once the emotional climax of Eddie's story in this ep is reached, despite being in the ep… All of this weaves its own narrative about who Eddie’s heart really belongs to.
When I tell you that this is fanfic material! Not only do I mean it, I mean it so much that I actually wrote once a fic where Buddie do that 'stare at each other before death might tear us apart' thing. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. I can't fucking believe 911 actually delivered the fanfic of our dreams. 
( NGL, I saw someone misspelling Captain Mehta’s name, writing it without the ‘h’, and for a second I thought I found my superhero name… XD )
Thank you so much to the unbelievable @bicepsie​ for the awesome gifs. Even when you have a lot going on, you still make these for the weekly meta posts and you’re truly the real MVP! *hugs* If you like   my takes on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics here. Thank you for reading, and for every reblog and like.
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Hello, Tumblr! It’s been a while. (Over a year, to be exact!) I have very little news to report on, yet I have a lot on my mind; I’ll go ahead and toss the text under a cut so as not to clog up your timelines, but please enjoy the above sampling of my 2021 FFXV art from Twitter that never made it over here! ଘ(੭ ᐛ )━☆゚.*・。゚
In my early twenties I blogged nearly every thought and mundane detail of my life over on LiveJournal; sometime after turning thirty I came to the conclusion that I had been vain to do so, that talking about myself was only interesting to me and that sharing my innermost thoughts equated to begging for attention, and I essentially stopped sharing anything personal because I didn’t think anyone was interested in reading about it. As we enter our third year of the pandemic, I realize I might’ve been a little off in that conclusion, because I have made many friends through the internet and I have always been interested in what they had to say, so it stands to reason that they might be interested in what I have to say.
So here is what’s going on with me: I am in a very weird place right now. I think a lot of people can understand what this feels like, having been locked up in their homes for two years with no end in sight. I am not in a bad place, per se; I am still married, still plugging along with IRL work, still have headcanons and fanfiction ideas swirling around inside my head (mostly of the FFXIV variety at the moment). But with my 37th birthday a couple weeks away, and a pesky lack of money and stability and, well, anything to show for in terms of significant accomplishments/milestones, I find I’m feeling rather depressed at where I’m at in my life compared to where I thought I would be at this point (the pandemic only adding to those stressors).
In the past, I’ve used my passion for art and video games to outpace my depression. When I failed to get the book I wrote in 2016 published, I turned to writing fanfiction. When my dad died in 2017, I buried myself in Episode Ignis. When I felt like the world was burning in 2020 (literally and figuratively), I organized a few charity events to try and put some good out into the world to counteract the bad. FFXV was a steady source of inspiration for me, and I leveraged every ounce of motivation it afforded me.
Sometime around August of last year, however, I just... ran out of steam. My love for FFXV is never in doubt, but I’ve lost all motivation to do anything. Maybe I took on too many projects at once, or maybe playing FFXIV during peak Endwalker hype has impacted my ability to get back into a proper creative headspace. I did draw a couple of XIV-related pieces thinking it might get the creative juices flowing again, but even now I am still struggling with the desire (or lack thereof) to draw, write, or do anything, really. I feel a little like an amorphous blob just kind of existing as time passes by. Some days it feels hard to even get out of bed, let alone accomplish anything of measurable value and importance.
Even now as I write this, I find myself wanting to delete this whole post, afraid of coming off as whiny when there are people in the world who are actually suffering. But I want the people who care about me to know I haven’t disappeared so much as I’ve simply switched to lurker mode; I love the friends I’ve made through fandom as much as any friend I have in real life, and I want them to know I’m still here and think about them even if I’m not as active as I once was.
Related to that, I do hope I will be more active in 2022. I have a ton of FFXV-tober prompts that I didn’t finish last year that I would like to complete, and I have several art trades for people that I still need to fulfill (looking at you, @dizzymoogle, @limito-breaku, and @leslieann1313​!). And then there’s the FFXV KupoCon event in LA that I desperately want to attend (provided I can secure a ticket and that covid doesn’t impact it). There’s still plenty of art and fanfiction, both XIV and XV-related, I’d love to tackle. I hope that sooner rather than later I can shake off this depressive episode and get back to what I’m best at—thirsting over Ignis, of course! (And maybe a little Urianger on the side.)
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darkestcorners · 7 months ago
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graveyard shift | yandere!jungkook au
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pairing: vampire!jungkook x reader {f}
genre: yandere, horror
warnings: 18+,  supernatural themes, stalking, tormenting, obsessive behavior, slight gore, mentions of blood, mature themes, graphic language, minor character death
word count: 8.3k 
summary: When you take the graveyard shift at your new job, you expect things to go rather boringly but the quiet night soon turns deadly when you realize you aren’t alone…
A/N: this was low-key inspired by that one spongebob episode with the hash slinging slasher lol. I'm not sure if I'm doing second part to this yet since it was kinda meant to be a one shot but if anyone would like another part please let me know:). Thank you so much for feedback I got on my polarity au! I will be posting the second part to that soon!:)
--
“Alright, so just make sure they show you their ID if they come to buy alcohol. ” Your coworker explained in a bored tone as he tapped away at the register. He looked tired already and you both had just arrived for your shift. You figured he must of worked a second job during the day due to the prominent bags under his eyes and his half lidded gaze. He was rather grumpy too.
You would admit anyone would be in a sour mood if they had to go to work at midnight but you had taken advantage of your few amount of classes this semester to take a good nap throughout the day. Of course this wasn’t an ideal job by any means but you counted yourself lucky considering the lack of job experience you had. It was a quick solution to earn some extra money to help your aunt with the rent. You didn’t need more of a reason for her to be on your neck, it was clear she already considered you a burden.
Besides the job didn’t seem that bad despite having to be stuck in a shabby 24 hour convenience store until 7 am. If anything, it was starting to make sense why they hired you, it seemed like it would be a slow night. It wasn’t as if the job required much labor and since it was the night shift, you wondered if there would be much customers to begin with at such unholy hours. The shop was located in a rather isolated part of town near the outskirts. It was clear it was geared towards tourists coming by to stop for a few snacks or drinks to continue their road trip. It served as a rest stop more than anything.
You stood there like a lost puppy as your coworker finished explaining to you the basics. You eyed his stoic expression, the dark hair rested over his pale forehead in a messy manner. You came to the conclusion that he would be cute if you weren’t so intimidated by him. Well, he was really cute but you were quick to shove the the observation away. He didn’t seem the least bit interested in even holding a conversation with you. If a friendly relationship was what you were hoping for at your first day here then it seemed like you were headed for disappointment.
“Got it?” His voice brought you back to reality as he raised an eyebrow at you. A few seconds of silence passed before you nodded your head eagerly knowing damn well you didn’t catch the last bit of what he said at all. He sighed as he stepped away from the register and walked around you, heading straight towards his seat next to you.
“Do you usually get customers at these hours?” You asked, your voice timid. Your gaze was glued on your co worker’s name tag that hung on the left side of his red uniform shirt. Yoongi.
He didn’t respond right away, his eyes shifted towards you slowly and he gave you slight shrug.
“I wouldn’t know, this is my first time working this shift. I usually work in the mornings.” He replied, his clear disinterest was evident but your curiosity spiked up.
“Really? Did they only switch you to train me?” If that was the case it would make sense why he looked so tired now, they must’ve of announced it last minute considering they had just called you yesterday informing you that you had gotten the job. No wonder he didn’t seem fond of you, it must have been an annoyance having to train a new employee for the graveyard shift. You instantly felt guilt wash over you.
“Yeah,” He muttered, confirming your thoughts. “ The old employee kinda quit last minute so we needed a quick replacement.”
“Oh.” You whispered, turning your head back the register in front of you. “ Sorry about that.”
Yoongi looked confused by your apology but he didn’t bother saying anything else as he plugged in his ear phones and laid back into his chair. You as he crossed his arms over his chest, his foot lazily tapping against the tile floor.
This would indeed be a slow night.
You decided to take advantage of the chair in front of the register and let yourself fall back against the seat, eyes slowly drifting down to stare at the beat up converse you wore. Your legs had already started to get a little sore despite only being here for a couple of minutes. You brought your gaze back up to look at the different aisles in the store, your mind was already memorizing where everything seemed to be located. You supposed the one advantage of working here would be the endless snacks you could indulge in and not to mention the delicious ramen. Your mouth watered at the sight of the ramen cups on the opposite side of the small store. According to Yoongi, your lunch break was at 3 so you figured that would kill some time.
12:37 a.m
You glanced at the clock that hung from the bright white walls behind you before turning your head back around and letting out a sigh.
You focused your attention ahead of you, the glass windows giving you a clear view of the lonely parking lot outside. The two dimly lit street lights that stood at each corner of the side walk flickered slightly and that’s when you noticed how the tree branches rustled roughly back and forth. It was mid September and the weather was already getting too cold for your liking, rainfall was common in this wooded area. However, this caused a worry to seep through you. The windy weather often caused outages and you could only hope that wouldn’t be the case today. As boring as it was, you preferred the rest of the night to go smoothly. Needless to say you weren’t the most reliable person when it came to stressful situations.
As your gaze continued to travel across the empty parking lot you felt your eyelids grow heavy. You rested your chip on the palm of your hand and felt your head tilt involuntary. Your eyes stayed focused outside but they lazily started to shut, only to flutter open again when you caught yourself drifting off. You didn’t know how much time had passed of you just being on the brink of falling asleep but something in the corner had caught your attention enough for your eyes to stay open for a few more seconds. Your vision caught sight of something near the tall trees that stood off the side of the pavement. Something seemed to be moving behind the bushes.
You didn’t think much of it at first, figuring it must be some animal like a raccoon or a squirrel roaming around but the more you stared at it the more you realized the figure didn’t seem to resemble any sort of animal. You lifted your head up slightly, your drowsy state making it suddenly hard to decipher what exactly you were looking at. You watched as the figure shifted and that’s when you realized it was in fact not an animal. It was far too big. It looked like a person was crouching behind the bushes. You knitted your eyebrows, wondering what type of weirdo would be doing that. You wondered if it was just some random crackhead who had decided to sleep there for the night but that’s when you noticed the figure lift up it’s arm. It’s hand was now sticking out of the bush and you felt your entire body freeze up when you realized the claws sticking out from its fingers.
You watched in horror as the hand waved at you slowly as if it was taunting you.
The sight caused you to jolt back in your seat , pulling away from the register. You turned towards your coworker that seemed to be fully drifting off to sleep. No matter how much you despised the idea of bothering him you couldn’t bring yourself to care at this moment. Your fear had taken over completely and you tapped his shoulder frantically.
“Yoongi!” You called out in a panic and he groaned before his eyelids fluttered open. His eyes scanned his surroundings before landing on your distressed expression. He furrowed his eyebrows and ripped the ear buds off in a hurried manner, body instantly tensing up.
“What’s wrong?”He demanded, a mixture of annoyance and worry coated his tone.
“T-there’s something outside!” You pointed towards the windows refusing to turn your head towards the spine chilling scene again. Yoongi sent a perplexed look your way before getting up and walking past you. Your heart still felt like it was beating far too fast and your palms felt sweaty. You heard Yoongi let out a sigh from behind you and you turned your head in his direction.
“There’s nothing out there.” He simply stated as he stared out the windows. You didn’t believe him for a second so you forced your legs to move and came to stand next to him. Your eyes searched for the clawed hand you had just seen a few seconds ago but you were met with nothing but an empty parking lot. There was nothing near the bushes, no figure crouching down and certainly no hand waving at you.
Not a single thing in sight.
“I swear it was just there!” You tried to explain but Yoongi only glared at you, not even trying to seem like he believed a word you were saying.
“What exactly was there?”
“A hand! There was a clawed hand waving from that bush!” You exclaimed in pure panic not even realizing how utterly insane you sounded. Yoongi stared at you in silence, his eyes darting to the window and back at you in disbelief.
“Y/n,” He started with a low chuckle, hands coming to rub his temples. “ Do you hear yourself?”
You felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you when you realized how hard he was holding in a full laugh. Your mouth hung open, words threatened to spill out but you kept quiet. Your eyes traveled back to the same area and you wondered if you had imagined it all. You had been on the verge of falling asleep when you saw it. Your mind raced with possibilities of what you could of seen but none of them made any sense. You were describing something straight out of some cheesy horror film and you expected your coworker to somehow think you were okay in the head? You felt nothing but pure humiliation now.
“Just get back to work, we still have a long shift ahead of us.” Yoongi’s shoulder brushed yours as he walked back to his chair and you let your head drop as you sighed. You rubbed your eyes in an attempt to fully wake up and rid yourself of all possible delusions that your own head could be making up. What were you thinking? First day on the job and you were already making a fool of yourself, not to mention proving how unfit you were for such a simple job. You hesitantly made your way back over to your seat, not even sparing a glance at your coworker. You still felt far too embarrassed to face him again.
It was sure going to be a long night.
Thunder boomed throughout the sky, the loud sound practically rattled the entire space. It had started to pour about an hour ago and now there was a full on thunderstorm taking place. By some miracle no outages had occurred and you were thanking your lucky stars for that. Being stuck here with your hostile coworker was already awkward enough and you didn’t need to add to the unpleasant experience by all the lights going out. You were terribly afraid of the dark and you had already embarrassed yourself enough in front of him.
You were currently restocking some items in the chip aisle, you had decided to make yourself a little useful and roam the store for a few minutes to stretch your legs out a bit. That chair turned out to be extremely uncomfortable after a couple of hours and the numbness in your thighs had been tricky to walk off. You set the final bag of chips along with the rest and turned the corner before stopping to grab two iced coffees out of the refrigerators. You shut the door and headed back behind the counter, you glanced at Yoongi nibbling on what looked to be a granola bar.
“Coffee?” You asked holding up the drink and he nodded. You set it down next to him and opened yours , taking a long sip. The caffeine was doing its job so far in keeping you awake, you had not dozed off again but the same couldn’t be said for the guy next to you. You were sure he had been asleep more than he had been awake throughout this whole night. You couldn’t blame him, there not much else to do and not one customer had come in. You figured you would at least get some truck drivers in here at these hours but Yoongi had mentioned they probably wouldn’t start coming in until 4 or 5 am. You took a swift look at your phone.
3:16 a.m
“Thanks.” Yoongi said beside you as he took a sip of his coffee, his eyes glued to his own phone. He seemed to have just woken up, a look of misery painted on his face.
Time seemed to be passing at such an excruciatingly slow speed that you truly did pity him. And yourself. You figured you would have to get used to it, this was your job now and after today , Yoongi wouldn’t be here to keep you any company. Not that he served much company but at least he was some good eye candy to stare at. Besides, you were still a bit shaken up from what you had seen, or from what you thought you had seen earlier. You didn’t even want to imagine the scene you would of made if you had been alone.
The sound of a engine in the distance ripped you away from your thoughts. You turned your head towards the windows and squinted your eyes expecting a truck or motorcycle but there seemed to be a large bus passing by the street ahead. The red back lights flickered but the harsh rain was making it hard for you fully catch a glimpse of it.
“Do buses run at this time?” You wondered out loud. This town was relatively small and you were sure you had never seen buses run at these hours. The latest you have seen them operate was 7 p.m and that was pushing it. Your question seemed to shock your coworker as well, you heard him shift behind but there was a long pause before he spoke.
“I don’t think so.” He replied and you turned to him raising an eyebrow. He gave you a shrug before returning his attention back to his phone. Perhaps it had been a travel bus from out of town. It disappeared in the distance as it seemed to drive down another empty street. You took another sip of your coffee before sitting back down on the hard chair that you were sure was going to give you some type of back pain eventually.
You spent the next couple of minutes playing on your phone. Boredom had officially taken over and you reluctantly decided to open up your gaming apps in an attempted to distract yourself. You didn’t exactly know if you were even allowed to be on your phone but Yoongi didn’t seem to have an issue with it and if he was allowed to go on his that must have meant you were too. Your fingers tapped against your phone rapidly, letting out a groan or sigh here and there when you didn’t manage to win a round of the game.
The sudden bell of the door that rang throughout the small shop startled you, making you instantly drop your phone. You lifted up your head to meet the customer that had just walked in and you couldn’t say you weren’t taken aback. Your eyes scanned over the tall man in all black attire, the leather jacket hung slightly loosely on his lean figure. His ink black hair was dripping wet due to the unfortunate weather. It was parted to the side displaying an undercut. Different piercings covered both sides of his ears as well as one of his eyebrows. As your eyes traveled further down you noticed the tattoos peaking out from his right hand.
He was undeniably attractive but one thing that stood out to you was his paper white complexion. It almost looked sickly. He nodded his head towards in acknowledgment, dark orbs staring right through you. The intensely of his gaze nearly made you squirm and you instantly broke it, lowering your head down and focusing it on the register instead. You heard his boots pad against the floor as he walked further into the store, turning towards one of the aisles. You kept your head down but your eyes peaked up at the convex mirror that reflected the aisles allowing you to keep an eye on whoever was in the store.
To your surprise however you didn’t catch a single glimpse of him in the mirror. How strange. You craned your neck further to get a better view of the mirror again but it seemed the reflection only held the sight of the empty aisles. His face had been unfamiliar, you were positive had never seen him around here. You would of remembered such a striking face. You heard his footsteps again, he seemed to be walking in a oddly slow manner.
Your coworker was shockingly not dead asleep this time, it seemed like the bell had also startled him awake. He did look like he was seconds away from falling back into his slumber though, his expressionless face giving away nothing as he bopped his head to whatever music was blasting through his ear buds.
The store lights flickered causing Yoongi to let out a low curse. You glanced up at the ceiling , you had been dreading this would happen all night. They continued to flicker more rapidly and the sight of it made you dizzy. Another roaring sound of thunder was heard causing your body to flinch involuntary.
The sound of something being set on the counter in front of you forced your attention back in front of you. The man towered over you and your seated state made him seem a lot more intimidating than he probably should of been. You eyed the small bottle of vodka he had set on the counter as you silently rang it up despite the feeling of his stare burning into you. Thankfully the lights had finally stopped flickering.
You slid the bottle back over to him as you told him the total. He wordlessly reached over to his back pocket, pulling out his card and handing it over to you. Your fingers brushed his skin and you couldn’t help but notice how ice cold his hands were. He raised an eyebrow in question which made you believe you were doing a poor job at keeping a poker face, his sharp gaze didn’t waver from you for a second. His presence was unsettling you in a way you couldn’t explain.
You gave him back his card, your hand slightly shaking and you mentally cursed at your clumsy actions. You saw the side of lip tug at the sight , a full smirk forming. You averted your gaze once again but it only seemed to amuse him more, eyes attempting to catch your stare.
“Oh wait!” You suddenly remembered what Yoongi had said to you before you had started your shift. You had just dumbly realized your mistake. “ May I see your ID?”
His lips quirked up at your question, displaying his upper white teeth. He seemed to be holding in a laugh as his eyes scanned over your entire figure. You shifted a bit under his stare, not understanding what he was finding so amusing.
“You’re all good, man.” You heard your coworker say from beside you, waving him off. You glanced over at him with a questioning gaze and he gave you an exasperated look in return before rolling his eyes.
The man in front of you didn’t even seem to acknowledge Yoongi, his attention was solely focused on you. You hesitated a bit before printing out his receipt and handing it over.
“Have a nice night.” You forced out , sending him a small smile.
“Thank you, doll.” He replied, his voice velvety. It was a tone you hadn’t expected from his rough appearance, it sounded almost musical to the ears. It caused something inside of you stir, your heart rate suddenly picking up. His hands grasped the bottle and turned towards the door. He took a few steps forward before pausing, his head tilting upwards.
“You should fix these lights.” He commented as he seemed to stare up at them in speculation. Right as the words left his lips the lights suddenly flickered once again in a rapid manner. It disoriented you for a second , your eyes squinting so hard that they nearly shut.
“The hell,” Yoongi whispered beside you.
In that same moment they stopped and your eyes finally relaxed.
“Must be the bad weather.” The stranger mused as he flashed you a smile, this time showcasing his full set of perfect teeth. The expression gave him a more youthful look, softening his sharp features. You let out an awkward giggle in return, not entirely sure how to respond.
Something flickered in his eyes at the sound of your laugh but it disappeared before you could make out what it had been.
“You know, you’re far too pretty to be working here all alone at these hours, doll.” He said as he tilted his head to the side, picking you apart. “ Lots of creeps, someone could just snatch you right up.”
Something about his words left you uncomfortable. His tone was playful but you caught the seriousness layering underneath. It didn’t help that he was staring at you like he wanted to devour you. His eyes almost seemed hungry.
“Well,” You swallowed, a nervous small taking over your trembling lips. “ I’m not really alone.”
You were obviously referring to your coworker sitting beside you but the man in front of seemed to have barely taken a notice in his presence. His eyes slowly shifted over to Yoongi, gaze darkening for a mere moment before it returned back to you.
“Right.” He drawled out, amusement still clear in his tone. “I’ll see you around, Y/n.”
He gave you one last long look before he slipped out the door, the bell rang again signaling his departure. You let out a breath, your body relaxing now at his absence. But that didn’t last long when your mind played over his last words. Y/n. Had he said your name? You tensed up again before you shook your head in disbelief of your own stupidity. Your eyes caught sight of the name tag that hung on your shirt.
You’re too paranoid, you scolded yourself.
“That guy was weird.” You mumbled , turning to face Yoongi. “ and why didn’t you let me see his ID?”
Yoongi gave you a dumbfounded look.
“I meant ask for an ID when they look like minors,” He clarified in a condescending tone. “That guy was obviously of age.”
You didn’t even know what to say to that because he had a point.
“And how oblivious are you?” Your coworker questioned, raising a single eyebrow at you. His agitated face was rather endearing.
“What do you mean?” You asked not knowing what he was referring to.
“The guy was obviously hitting on you.” He scoffed, shaking his head at your wide eyed expression. His expression said enough, Yoongi clearly thought you were a bit of an air head and at this point you didn’t know if you could argue against it.
Had he been flirting? You would admit you weren’t the most experienced person in that department but the man definitely had a strange way of showing interest. His presence was far too strong and something about him had just seemed off no matter how good looking he was.
--
You watched as the rain padded against the windows, it didn’t seem like the weather was going to get any better anytime soon. You had turned down the AC despite Yoongi pestering you to leave it be. It wasn’t your fault that the store manager had decided to put it at such a ridiculously low temperature. As the night progressed , the more you began to dissociate from your surroundings. While you had promised yourself not to doze off, you had eventually gave into your lethargic state and had a quick nap. Well, at least you thought it had been quick because you had woken up in a fright thinking you had slept until daylight only to realize 20 minutes had gone by.
The time 4:06 a.m had practically been mocking you.
What you hadn’t mention to your coworker was what had woken you up. Your slumber had been interrupted by the insufferable sound of something sharp scratching against glass. The irritating sound resembled that of nails on a chalkboard, it had seemed as if someone had taken a razor and just ran it against the window beside you creating such an unpleasant sound to the ears. You had inspected the window beside you, looking for any type of damage but you had failed to find any. You figured some cat must have been having a field day.
You avoided mentioning it to Yoongi who had been in a coma like state beside you. You figured it was useless to even try, you knew he was either going not believe you at all or simply brush it off. It wasn’t like you needed a repeat of what had happened earlier so you decided to just keep your mouth shut, convincing yourself it wasn’t a big deal.
You were on your third coffee of the night and you were starting to think you were resembling a corpse at this point. You almost felt bad for judging Yoongi on his tired state because you knew that was going to be you from now on. It was almost ironic how this job required you to do so little yet drained your energy completely. The delirious feeling was started to creep back up as you struggled to maintain your eyes open again.
“We should play a game.” You suddenly announced as you came back from your fifth trip to the bathroom. Your small bladder did a really poor job at handling all the coffee you had drank tonight. You saw your coworker lift his head up at your suggestion but his gaze remained on the floor, his hands that were crossed over his chest unmoving.
“A game?” He didn’t sound the slightest bit intrigued by your suggestion and you wouldn’t either if you were in his position. You knew the last thing he wanted was for the newbie to keep bothering him when he had already sacrificed his sleep schedule in order to train you tonight.
“You know, to help us kill time?” Your comment sounded more like a question, clearly sounding unsure of your own idea as you took a seat next to him again. The empty ramen cups still stood on the counter in front of you, you two had taken a second break, courtesy of Yoongi, and had ate another cup of noodles in silence as you watched a YouTube video on his phone. Well, more like you had eavesdropped while Yoongi kept sending dirty looks your way, obviously trying to tell you to mind your own business.
“You mean to help you not pass out during your shift?” His foot tapped against the bottom of counter.
“Well, yeah.” You sighed in defeat not even bothering to defend yourself. It was very much in order for you to stay awake and not completely leave the counter unattended. You figured you were already on thin ice, there was cameras installed at each corner of the shop and if your manager happened to watch them back you knew it was over. You silently prayed they weren’t the type to be that observant. The establishment didn’t seem to be that strict so far.
 Yoongi was a prime example of that.
“And who are you going to play games with when I’m gone?” Yoongi asked with a blank expression on his face. “ Your imaginary friend?”
“Well, actually-“
A blood curling scream cut you off as you jumped in your seat. You whipped your head around, staring straight out the window. The scream didn’t sound that far at all, only seeming to come from a few feet away but you saw nothing outside. You turned to face your coworker and for the first time in the entire night you saw a look of concern cross him. His eyes scanned over the parking lot attempting to find the source of the sound.
“What was that?” You whispered, you felt your heart drop as the screaming continued only to come to a sudden stop. You knitted your eyebrows in confusion as silence met you both. Only the sound of the rain and howling wind  could be heard now.
“I don’t know..” Yoongi’s eyes stayed glued outside, his expression still remaining as confused as yours. You almost thought you were seeing things when the your vision caught sight of someone emerging from the left side of the side walk , it looked like a woman. Your eyes struggled to keep up with her frantic state, her figure moving far too quickly and that’s when you realized she was headed towards you.
The entrance door burst open, the annoying ringing signaling the woman’s sudden arrival. You stumbled back from your spot behind the counter, your body hitting the wall behind you. Your coworker was just as taken aback as you, his body jolting to the side.
It was an older woman and she looked absolutely in shambles. Her hair was a crazed mess, the expression she wore was petrifying. Her eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of their sockets and she was drenching. She wore a long dark coat that covered her entire frame. Her makeup was completely smeared, black mascara all over cheeks as her red lipstick stretched down to her chin.
Your eyes landed on her knees, she must of have fallen somewhere because they were covered in mud and visible scrapes. Some blood was still tickling down her leg.
“Please! H-help me!” She cried out and that’s when you noticed she was barefoot. She looked completely unstable, her arms reaching out towards you both and you didn’t know how but you managed to back up even further against the wall.
“What’s going on?” You heard Yoongi ask her as he came to stand right in front of you. He held up his hand, motioning at her to calm down but she only cried out more.
“Help me! He’s coming!” She screeched looking back towards the door. She gripped her hair harshly as she paced back and forth.
“Ma’am? Who’s coming?” Yoongi demanded, his arms still gesturing at her but she ignored him.
“He’s coming, he’s going to get me.” She mumbled frantically, hands still in her hair as she stared down at the floor, she let out another loud cry before she lifted her head to meet both your gazes again.
“You have to run! He’s going to get you too!” She yelled, slamming her fist on the counter causing you to flinch. You saw Yoongi back away cautiously at her actions.
“We need call the police!” You shouted in a low whisper to your coworker but as you reached over to grab your phone the woman let out another yell.
“It’s no use! He’s already here!” A look of pure anguish took over her face as she bolted towards the door again. “I have to go! He’s coming!”
Yoongi rushed over towards the door and attempted to call after her but she was long gone. You watched as she ran across the street, your eyes widening as she seemed to take off into the wooded area. Her figure instantly disappearing behind the tall forest trees in the distance.
You stood there frozen not believing what had just occurred. This night was starting to feel like a fever dream. Your hands shook as you lifted up your phone, dialing the police but you were met with nothing. The line went dead.
“Why is there no signal?” You groaned as you typed away again but were met with the same luck.
“Crazy bitch.” Yoongi huffed as he slammed shut the door and slid his hands over his face before letting out a long sigh.
“Try your phone.” You insisted and he picked up his own phone and pressed it against his cheek. The flash of annoyance in his eyes was enough for you to realize his line had was also went dead.
“What the hell was that?” You whispered mostly to yourself. You were too shaken up to even fully process it. The petrified look the woman had wore kept playing in your head repeatedly, you could practically still hear the desperation in her voice.
“She was probably on something.” Your coworker shook his head as he seemed to try and fix whatever was wrong with his phone. His eyebrows stayed glued together.
“What if she wasn’t? She looked genuinely afraid of something.” Who had she been running from? Your body chilled at the words she kept repeating.
He’s coming
You felt fidgety again, the ball of anxiety in your stomach prevented you from standing still. Your hands trembled as you bit your lip.
“There’s a lot of weirdos out here, it’s not like we are in the best part of town.” Yoongi reasoned as he let his phone slam back down on the counter. “ This damn weather is fucking up the signal.”
“What do we do?” That woman definitely needed help whether she was on drugs or not. She had run straight into the forest for gods sake and she looked like she was injured. She could be in danger right now. Your mind was racing as her face remained glued in your memory.
“We can’t do much right now.” Your coworker stated in defeat and while you knew he was probably right, it didn’t sit well with you. You felt so useless not being able to call for any help for that woman. She had look terrified. Why had she taken off towards that direction? Why hadn’t she headed towards roads leading up towards the town? Someone else must have heard her scream and you only prayed they had called for help by now but you knew that was wishful thinking. There wasn’t much of anything around this location and any houses near by were still a reasonable distance away from here. You doubted they were close enough to have hear her.
“I’m going for a smoke.” Yoongi muttered as he slid the hoodie that had been laying on the side of chair over his shoulders, putting the hood over head. He looked anxious but he was trying his best to hide it. It was clear the scene had left him startled. You watched as he stepped outside the shop, the cigarette instantly meeting his lips as he leaned his body up against the window.
You felt sick to your stomach all of a sudden. You stepped to the side and made your way towards the restroom. Closing the small door behind you, you came to stand in front of the sink. You ran your hands under the water, lowering your head to splash some of it over your face. The cold water felt refreshing on you, giving you a single moment of peace. You stared back at your reflection in the mirror. You look drained, your eyes were bloodshot. This night seem to be eating away at your sanity. You blinked rapidly as you tried your hardest to not let tears spill over. You couldn’t wait for this night to end, you were starting to seriously second guess your choice in accepting this job. So much had already happened and it was just your first day.
As if on cue, your few moments of peace were rudely interrupted when you room went pitch dark. Your reflection was barely visible now and your hands went over to turn off the faucet that was still running.
Looks like your luck with no outages had come to an end.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” You whined as you dug into your back pocket in search for your phone. You lifted it up, your fingers sliding up the screen to turn on the flashlight.
It was uncomfortably too silent for your liking. You opened the door, practically jogging back over to the counter. You slowed down as you realized your coworker had not come back in yet. You turned your phone towards the windows and frowned when you didn’t see his figure pressed up against it anymore. You poked your head out the entrance door, looking both ways but you didn’t see him anywhere in sight. Raindrops fell harshly on top of your hair as your eyes continued to search for him.
Where had he gone?
You poked your head back inside and let your eyes roam around the small store.
“Yoongi?” You called out as you walked through each of the aisles, part of you expected him to be standing in some corner attempting to fix the lights but you were only met with empty aisles.You felt yourself starting to get nervous as there seem to be no sight of him. It didn’t make any sense, where could he had possibly gone? You turned the corner, heading over the storage room in the back. You peaked your head in, flashing the light to every corner before heading back towards the front counter.
As you stared back at the aisles , you saw something outside run past from the corner of your eye. You turned your neck so fast you were sure you heard it crack. Your eyes were met again with nothing but the empty parking lot but you were sure you had just seen something. It had been too fast for you to keep up with. Were your eyes playing tricks on you? You found it hard to swallow as your mouth dried up with the thought of something being out there but you forced the thought to go away momentarily. You had to look for Yoongi.
You forced your legs to move forward as you gripped the door handle again, this time you let your whole body step outside. The wind blew harshly against your face and the pouring rain quickly had your work shirt soaking. You came to cup your hand over your forehead as you squinted through the harsh shower.
“Yoongi!” You called out, your voice cracking towards the end. Your shoes felt heavy against the pavement as you stalked forwards, you heard a loud swoosh behind you and you nearly fell over at the sound. You turned your body around , expecting to be met with someone in front of you but once again there was nothing.
As if anything else couldn’t go wrong, the battery flashed on your phone letting you know it was soon about to die on you.
You felt like you were seconds away from breaking down.
“Yoongi! Where are you!?” You yelled out , your teeth were chattering uncontrollably now as you shivered. The cold wind felt painful on your cheeks . Thunder continued to rumble the dark sky and each bang of it sent a new wave of anxiety through you. You felt like you were in an actual horror film.
You turned back around and started making your way behind the building. You didn’t know where your coworker could of possibly went but it couldn’t have been far, you had only been in the restroom for a few minutes. But before you even got close to to turning the corner towards the back, you heard something drop behind you. You halted in your steps, legs feeling like actual jelly as you felt your heart beat rapidly against your rib cage.
You slowly turned your head, your eyes scanning the pavement beneath you. Your flashlight displayed a horrifying scene. A body lay just a few feet away from you. You let out a gasp, your blood running cold at the sight.
“Oh my god,” You whimpered. Your legs felt chained to the ground despite everything inside of you telling you to run. You didn’t want to face the gut wrenching reality in front of you but your body seemed to be moving on its own as you came up next to the body. You instantly regretted it , your mouth hung open in pure disbelief. You were about to empty your stomach right in that moment. The shock caused your phone fall to from your fingers with a loud clank.
You let out the most bone chilling scream at the sight of your coworker’s lifeless body in front of you. He lay in a pool of blood, ugly wounds covered the side of his neck. The blood seeped through his shirt and his empty eyes stared up ahead. His skin was devoid of any color, the once pale boy now looked practically grey in complexion. The rain caused the blood to wash off his neck, only giving you a better view of the pungent holes on each side of his neck.
“No!” You shook your head back and forth, refusing to believe your eyes. This all had to be some sick nightmare. None of this could be happening. Your hands came to cup your cheeks as you trembled, stepping back from the body.
“No! No!” You repeated as you sobbed, you covered your eyes as you shut them tightly as you continued to wail. You were completely drenched now, the salty taste of your tears mixed in with the raindrops that continued to fall against your face.
“Tsk, Tsk.” You heard a voice taunt from behind you. Complete dread washed over you as you refused to turn your head. You kept your eyes shut, somehow hoping you would wake up from this nightmare at any minute. “ It’s a shame I had to do that to your little friend but what can I say? I don’t like sharing.”
You continued to whimper pathetically as you heard the loud footsteps get closer and closer by the second.
“He was quite tasty, doll.”
That nickname.
A sickening realization coming over to you as you took note of the familiar voice. No. It couldn’t be. Your whole body continued to shake relentlessly as the footsteps continued.
“But I bet you’re tastier.” You felt his hot breath on your ear and you practically threw yourself forward, almost stumbling to the ground before you ran towards the door of the convience store. You didn’t dare look behind you as slammed the door shut, your shaky hands struggling to twist the key in the lock but you somehow managed to do it. Your mind was too panicked to even think straight and the first place you thought to hide was behind the counter. You bumped your head against it as you squatted beneath it.
You forced yourself to slow down your breathing, your hand coming to slap your mouth shut. You didn’t know what that thing was but whatever it was , you sure you were his next victim. You felt like you were about to pass out when you heard the door handle rattle followed by a loud bang. The damn jingle of the bell hit your ears and you practically felt your vision grow hazy .Your heart truly felt like it was about to stop any second.
A deep chuckle was heard as the slow paced footsteps began once again.
“How cute,” He practically cooed, genuine amusement clear in his tone. “ If you wanted to play hide and seek, you could of just said so.”
You heard his footsteps echo in the opposite direction. You let your eyes close again, trying your hardest not to let a single sound slip from your lips. The thing had broken the door. You didn’t even want to imagine the utter strength he possessed, the thought alone was close to sending you into a full panic attack.
You heard the steps halt suddenly and you held your breath. He sounded like he was near the refrigerators. You let your hand drop from your face as you moved your body over slightly, your knees met the floor and you adjusted your body into a crawling position. You needed to get out of here before he saw you.
“Boo.”
His face was right above you as he stared down at you from the other side of the counter, his body leaning over it. You screeched as you tumbled back, your backside hitting the floor. Your feet shifted as you slid your entire body back against the wall, attempting to put as much distance possible between you and him. But much to your horror, that didn’t seem to much because you saw his face perfectly even in the darkness. The familiar striking features stared back at you but now they were more terrifying than ever.
The once normal looking man now wore a deadly look on his face. Prominent purple veins covered his under eyes, stretching out to his lower cheeks. His eyes were full black orbs with no sclera. Just endless pits of darkness staring back at you. Sharp large fangs stuck out both sides of his mouth, and you saw the slightest bit of blood still coating the tips of them.
“Forgive me, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
That velvety voice certainly didn’t match the terrifying creature in front of you anymore. Another whimper left your mouth as the creature jumped over the counter with such ease, his body practically floating over it. His long legs allowed him to quick access to you. His face was right next to yours, so close that it was just a few inches from touching you. The smell of rust hit your nostrils and you squirmed in disgust but his fingers gripped your chin, forcing you to look at him.
You let out another choked sob when you took sight of the claws that dug into your skin. Another spine chilling realization hit you as the memory of what you had seen earlier in those bushes came flooding back.
It had been him.
Your face must have given away exactly what you were thinking because the creature suddenly grinned, tapping his clawed thumb against the side of your cheek in confirmation. You flinched as tears continued to coat your cheeks.
“Nobody believed you, did they?”
A weep of agony left your mouth at his words.
“P-please, let me go.” You pleaded, your hands coming to tug on his own but his grip was like steel.
“Shh, don’t cry.” He hushed, tongue clicking in disapproval but all you could stare at was those fangs in front of you that threatened to attack your neck at any moment. “I forget how fragile you little humans are.”
You felt his lips brush the skin of your neck and you swore your heart was about to burst from your chest. You shut your eyes again cowardly, twisting your face away from him. It was no use, his mouth pressed against your neck fully now and your body tensed up, waiting for him to rip open your skin.
You were going to die.
Yet nothing came. No pain followed, just a wet kiss being left on your neck. You felt him let out a breathy laugh against you, your eyes fluttering open just in time to see his shoulders shake slightly.
“Relax, you’re too pretty to drain.” His claw dug into your cheek again causing you to turn your head back to him, those soulless eyes staring through you again. “And far too weak.”
His words left you stunned. His face becoming blurry due to the full tears that pooled over your eyes.
Did that mean he was going to let you go?
But he was quick to crush that small flash of hope that you assumed had crossed your eyes for even just a split second. He pouted as he shook his head, lifting your chin up higher.
“I’m afraid I like you too much to let you go, doll.” He tilted his head to the side, his eyebrow piercing managed to shine amongst the dimness, the only bit of light shining through the window coming from the flashes of lightening from the clouded sky.
“Besides,” He licked his lips, swallowing the last of the blood that must of coated his inner mouth. You were almost sure he was about to connect your lips to his but he paused and you watch his eyes gradually morph back. The whiteness returning around his dark pupil until they finally resembled those of the man who had entered the shop just a while ago.
His thumb brushed over your lips as he smirked down at you.
“Pretty little humans are useful for other things too.”
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remcycl333 · 5 months ago
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you don’t need to be happy to be manifest!! but...
who doesn’t want to be happy?
(long post alert, sorry in advance lol. but please read it all the way through, i really think it’ll be worth it<3)
ok, to preface this, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. i’ve manifested great, positive things while i was in depressive episodes. i manifested wonderful things with tears streaming down my face. BUT, i think something a lot of people overlook is that it’s really beneficial to feel positively about your desires.
this is something i realized a few months ago, saw great results from, and then forgot all about and, well, stopped seeing the progress i wanted. but i’m back on track now, don’t you worry.
(i’m going to be using the example of my sp, bc that’s what i have the most experience with, but this applies to literally anything u r manifesting) 
i’ve made a few other posts saying pretty much what i’m about to say in this next paragraph, so if you’ve already read those, i’m sorry for repeating myself. just bear with me lol. 
so i came to a realization a few months ago--and i don’t exactly remember how i came to this realization--that i kind of...hated my sp? like i fucking resented him. and i was like, wait a minute, that’s not right. i love my sp. that’s why i’m trying to manifest him! so why do i feel like this?
i used to focus on manifesting in steps, so naturally the first step was contact. so i’d be affirming all day every day “my sp is texting me right fucking now😡“ (and other variations) and then when he didn’t text me, it’d just make me angry at him. but technically, he didn’t even do anything wrong?? sure he didn’t text me, but he had no clue he was supposed to? idk it was all complicated and weird. and then when i wasn’t mad that he didn’t text me, i was having arguments with him in my head, preparing for some weird fight that my brain just assumed was going to happen whenever we did get into contact. which is weird, bc my sp and i never fight. like, this is my ex. yet i literally cannot tell you a single fight that we have ever had. we literally get along perfectly. we have never fought (or even argued) once in all the time that we’ve known each other. yet my brain was always fighting him. and it was just, exhausting?
and so one day, when i was troubleshooting, i realized: rem, if you were in a relationship right now with your sp, would u hate him? would u be constantly fighting with him? god i fucking hope not! 
now, what would i be thinking? i’d be laying in bed at night, hugging my pillow, thinking about how much i love him. reflecting on how happy he makes me, how perfect he is, how good he makes me feel. i’d be thinking about how he is the most perfect boyfriend i could ever have asked for. i’d be content after spending a long day with him, excited to spend the next day with him as well. 
and during the day i wouldn’t be wondering why he wasn’t texting me. if anything, i’d be wondering why he was texting me considering we were literally hanging out, together, at that very moment! 
i would trust him. i’d be walking on cloud nine. i’d be content. i’d be...happy. 
now, in no way am i saying that you need to be happy 24/7, or dancing on air, or feeling intense butterflies in your stomach. you’re allowed to have other emotions. you’re allowed to feel anger, you’re allowed to break down and cry! you’re allowed to have bad days. but if you’re feeling these negative emotions about your desire, i want you to try your hardest to release them. i don’t think any of us want to have breakdowns over our manifestations and cry about them, but if it happens, it happens. just pick yourself up afterwards--or stop it before it even really begins, trust me, it gets easier to do this--and maybe do a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, and remind yourself why you’re on this journey in the first place. once again using the sp example, it’s because you love your sp. because they are perfect for you! they make you happy. you love their smile, their laugh, the witty conversations you have with each other. you love being in their arms.  you love when they’re in your arms! they did something that made you fall in love with them, or want to be in a relationship with them. what was it? focus on that. 
enough with the sammy ingram (i could go on a whole rant about her) style affirmations. with the “he’s going to fucking text me, he has no choice, he’s my fucking boyfriend and he does what i say.” like....ew?? i used to say shit like this, and it was really what started making me resent my sp. i was ordering him around in my head, creating this weird dynamic between us (which, he wasn’t even aware was there), and getting mad when he wasn’t doing what i was ordering him to do. looking back, it was borderline psychotic. it was just turning it into me against him, and that’s not what i wanted at all. i want to be in a relationship with him, with mutual love. i don’t want to be his boss, or his mom, or his fucking military sergeant!! (i don’t even know if that was the proper term bc fuck the military, but u guys know what i mean lmfaooo)
(disclaimer if u use these types of affirmations and they work for you, go for it. but i used them for a while and they just weren’t it for me. carry on)
i guess what i’m trying to say is, those affirmations weren’t making me feel good. they weren’t making me feel like a “boss ass bitch”. they were making me feel...like a bitch. and strangely, powerless. i’d say these affirmations, or just bland ones where i wasn’t necessarily demanding my sp to throw himself at my feet and kiss my shoes and tell me he is nothing without me, and ultimately, if i wasn’t feeling resentment, i was feeling...nothing. 
once again, i want to make this so so so clear, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. but my belief? if your affirmations aren’t making you feel joy, or excitement, or contentment, then what’s the fucking point? if you think of your desire, and don’t feel positive feelings about it, then you might have lost your way a little. 
don’t worry!! it’s an easy fix. easy, and even...fun? rewarding? comforting? i just want you to take some time--laying in bed at night is the perfect time to do this in my experience--to think about why you want your desire so badly. do you want money? think of how great life is going to be once you have it. of all the stuff you’re going to buy, for yourself, and maybe even for others. don’t focus on the problems you want to fix with it right now. think of that clothing item you’ve had your eye on, or that book you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t felt like “wasting” money on. think of how excited you are to buy those things, because you’re going to! think of the good. not the bad.
remember: you create more of what you focus on. focus on the good, get the good. focus more on the bad...get more of the bad. 
your manifestation is done. it is created. it is on it’s way to you. it is here! all there’s left to do is feel excited. it’ll be here any moment now, how fucking exciting is that! it’s safe for you to be happy. it’s safe for you to focus on the feelings you would have if you had it, rather than focus on affirming specifically to bring it to you. it is safe to be happy. 
i used to affirm solely for contact, all day every day, and sometimes i’d get it. but it’d be short lived, my sp would be distant, etc. but then once i started focusing on truly living in the end and basking in my love for my sp, thinking about how perfect and amazing he is, i not only got contact (without having to specifically affirm for it), but he was actively engaged in our conversations, making up new topics to keep the conversation going, asking me about and expressing interest in my hobbies and interests, bringing up and reminiscing on old memories of our previous relationship, complimenting me, flirting with me, asking me to hang out, etc. shit i was not getting when i was “he is so fucking in love with me and he’s texting me right fucking now”-ing all day long. i started focusing on how amazing and perfect and good to me he was, and that’s exactly what i got in my reality. who would’ve thunk? 
and you know what? yeah, he fucking loves me. he misses me and he wants to be with me. but that’s a given. but that doesn’t fucking matter. i am the only person who matters in my reality!! sure he loves me, but do i love him??? that’s what the universe wants to know. that’s what truly fucking matters. the universe brings me my desires. so i’m gonna fucking desire it! 
guys, please trust me on this. just try it out, with whatever you’re manifesting. this could be what you’re missing. this could bring your manifestation to you. i promise, if you’re like i was and feel resententment or anger or hatred towards your desire, this is going to make you feel so fucking good. just stick with this for a week or two. i promise, you’ll see movement.
and remember, there is no one to change but self. don’t change them (or it), change your perception of them (or it). 
let’s make manifesting fun again!!! it’s the perfect tool to bring happiness into your life. so fucking let it!!!! 
so no, you don’t need to be happy in order to manifest. but....maybe, just maybe, prioritizing your happiness isn’t such a bad thing. i mean, who doesn’t want to be happy?
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starrynightdeancas · 6 months ago
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Aisle 1 For a Love Story
For Bec and Ali’s creator week, Day 3: AU
Also posted on ao3.
Word count: 3,124 (Continued under the Read More)
Eggs, milk, flour, bacon.
Eggs, milk, flour, bacon.
Eggs, milk- oh, wait. Wasn't there something else Charlie had added to the mental shopping list last minute as Dean had left their apartment? What was it?
Alright, time to type the list up. At least then he could have an excuse for not talking to anyone as he made his way through the store. Walking through the parking lot, Dean typed the list into his notes.
Eggs, milk, flour, bacon, oh, and spaghetti. That's what Charlie had shouted as he walked out the door.
As he typed the last word, he stepped through the automatic doors of the grocery store and felt the rush of cold air creep down his neck. If he was quick enough, he could still make it home before Charlie started the next episode of Chopped without him.
"Hi, welcome in. Can I help you find anything today?" a deep male voice asked.
Dean stumbled to a halt, almost dropping his phone as he came within inches of stumbling into whoever had asked him the question.
He opened his mouth, ready to say 'who the hell are you?' and 'no, I don't need your help', but the words got stuck in his throat when he looked up.
Aside from the ridiculous green vest and chunky name tag, the man was devastatingly handsome. Dark messy hair and dazzling blue eyes. A soft smile that made Dean feel a little weak in the knees. The man's nose was scrunched up adorably and his hands had somehow made their way to Dean's shoulders in an attempt to steady him.
"You alright there?" the man asked, and dear God, could that voice be any more attractive?
Dean shook his head, then realized a second later what he was doing and instead switched to nodding. "Yeah, yeah, I'm good… Steve," Dean said, glancing down at the name tag pinned to the bright vest.
The man- Steve- chuckled, low and deep. If those hands weren’t on his shoulders, Dean was sure his knees would’ve given out at the sound. Rich and reverberating in Dean’s head.
“My name is actually Castiel. First day on the job and they didn’t have any name tags for me yet,” Castiel said, hands sliding off Dean's shoulders with a nervous laugh. “I’m um- the store’s new Greeter. Is there- uh- anything I can help you with?”
God dammit. Why was Castiel so cute? ‘Focus, Winchester. Focus,’ Dean thought to himself. “No, I’m uh… I’m good. Got a list that my roommate requested. It’s only a few items,” Dean said, tightening his hold on his phone.
Cas nodded, taking a step backwards and away from Dean. “Good, good. If you have any questions…”
“Maybe ask someone who’s worked here longer than a few hours?” Dean teased. He watched as a flush creeped up Castiel’s cheeks and, God, this man could not get anymore beautiful if he tried.
“I’m a fast learner. Ask me next week and I’m sure I’ll know where everything is,” Castiel said, tugging on his vest before looking up at Dean through his eyelashes.
Clearing his throat, Dean took a step further into the store; away from a couple of teens who were looking between Dean and Castiel with matching grins. “I’d better, you know…”
Castiel nodded, moving back towards the entrance of the store. “It was nice to meet you-”
“Dean. My name’s Dean.”
Castiel smiled; a soft expression that made his blue eyes melt. “Nice to meet you, Dean.”
Before he could melt into those eyes, Dean turned and hightailed towards the dairy aisle on the other side of the store.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
Dean was in trouble. Yep. Absolutely in trouble. The only other grocery store in the area was all the way on the other side of town. No way could he drive that far every day, especially with how often he needed ingredients for the baking business he and Charlie were starting to run out of their little kitchen.
That just meant he was going to have to ignore the fact he felt a spark. A hint of a crush. Nope. No way was Dean going to fall for the new guy in the grocery store. Nu uh. Nope. Not happening.
~
“Hiya, Cas. Have you got those organic bananas in yet?” Dean asked as soon as he stepped into the store, brushing his hair from his face as the air conditioning above the door blew his bangs into his face.
Cas stepped aside, waving to another customer before leaning against one of the drink refrigerators by the entrance where Dean had veered off to. “Yes! We just got them in an hour ago. What are you making with them? Banana bread? Oh. Is it a banana cream pie again? That one you brought me a sample of last week was delicious,” Cas said with a grin.
Dean laughed, shaking his head. “Nope. Got an order in from a neighbor for a banana upside down cake. If there’s any leftovers I can bring them by tomorrow. Oh wait, tomorrow is your day off. How about Thursday?”
Seven months of being friends, and yes, maybe Dean had memorized Cas’ schedule. Wednesday and Saturday were his days off (Dean had asked why he didn’t have a normal schedule with two days off in a row but Cas had just shrugged and said he was happy to work whenever his managers needed him).
“Thursday sounds great. I’m always happy to try your baking,” Cas said as he brushed their arms together. The movement caused Cas’ name tag to catch the sunlight and it momentarily made Dean blink against the blinding light. Putting his hand out, he tugged the tag down an inch and smiled at Cas.
“You’re blinding me again,” he teased, fingers lingering against Cas’ name for a second longer than necessary before he pulled his hand away.
The badge now said ‘Castiel’ instead of Steve. But it had only taken Dean a couple weeks of calling the man Castiel before he’d given him a nickname instead. Cas. And the nickname had caught on, because now Dean had heard the rest of the employees calling him Cas, too. A feat that Dean was quite proud of achieving. Castiel was a mouthful, but Cas suited him better.
“Maybe I wouldn’t need to blind you if you didn’t distract me from my job at least once a day,” Cas grinned, nudging their shoulders together.
“I have no idea what you mean. I was merely having a conversation with my best friend. Just don’t tell Charlie I said that,” Dean winked, watching as that all-too-familiar blush climbed up Cas’ cheeks.
Just as Cas opened his mouth to throw some kind of retort back at Dean, an overhead announcement interrupted the moment. “Castiel to aisle 2 for a customer. Castiel to aisle 2,” the message repeated before cutting off.
“That’s my cue,” Cas said, nodding his head towards the fresh produce in aisle 2.
“Woah, wait. Can anyone request your help in the store?” Dean asked, a spark of hope dancing in his veins at the idea of calling for Cas over the intercom to whatever aisle Dean needed ‘help’ in.
The way Cas rolled his eyes made Dean laugh. “Don’t be getting any ideas about sending me all across the store just because you feel like it,” Cas said, knocking their wrists together before pulling away.
The grin on Dean’s face felt like it was going to split his cheeks with happiness. “I would never,” he said, even though he knew that was exactly what he was going to do on his next visit to the store.
Together, they both moved towards the produce, with Cas veering towards the vegetables and Dean heading to the fruits.
“I’ll see you later, yeah?” Cas asked just before they went their separate ways.
Dean nodded, motioning to the newly-stocked bananas. “With banana upside cake,” he confirmed.
Turning away to actually buy whatever groceries he needed always sucked. Walking away from Cas was Dean’s least favorite part of the day. He hated to admit it, but his little crush had snowballed into a head-over-heels ache. A day without seeing Cas felt empty; as if there were a Cas-sized-hole in Dean’s day until he walked into the store and saw that handsome face.
Normally, Dean could steal Cas away from the front doors for 5 minutes to talk about anything and everything. But today had been cut short and Dean felt slighted by it.
Well then. He’d just have to come back to the store right before Cas’ lunch break.
Nodding as if that were the completely normal thing to do, Dean paid for the bananas and made his way back to the car. He could easily run a couple more errands and swing back past the store on the way home.
Yep. That was totally normal.
An hour and a half later, Dean walked back through the entrance and under the spray of cold air. His eyes instantly locked with Cas’ and he saw the way the tension slipped from his shoulders.
“Dean! What are you doing back here? You were only here an hour ago,” Cas said, automatically moving to the side and out of the way of a couple of customers walking in.
“I um-” Dean started. Shit. He hadn’t thought of a valid excuse for why he’d be coming back for the second time in the same day. “Forgot to get butter. Charlie texted me just as I was on my way home to remind me.”
“Well, lucky for you, I’m just about to clock out for my lunch break. I can help you find that butter and you can tell me about this cake you’re baking while I eat my lunch?” Cas asked, a flicker of something dancing in his eyes as he looked at Dean.
The offer made Dean’s stomach twist and flutter, and he found himself nodding before he could find the words to say yes.
"Yeah, I'd like that," Dean said, darting his gaze away from Cas' before his heart could catapult right out of his chest.
As they walked to the aisle with the butter, their hands brushed together and Dean swore he was going to stop breathing. God. Why couldn't Cas just push him against the shelves and kiss him stupid? Dean ached for it; to feel Cas pressed against him and to have their mouths moving together.
But maybe Cas didn't want it? Maybe they were better off just staying as friends? It didn't stop Dean from yearning. From desperately thinking about what it would be like to have Cas be his.
After Dean had purchased the butter, Cas tugged Dean towards a quiet spot at the back of the store and told him to wait there. A minute later, he came out of the break room with a PB&J sandwich and a lemonade.
“Tell me about the cake you and Charlie are working on,” Cas said, offering half his sandwich to Dean.
They spent Cas’ entire 30 minute break talking and sharing the sandwich. If Dean thought he was falling before, he was absolutely gone on Cas by the end of Cas’ break.
Walking back to the front of the store, Dean motioned to the entrance with his thumb. “I should get back home before Charlie does all the baking without me,” Dean said. Part of him wanted to stay all day and talk to Cas, but he knew that wasn’t an option.
“I’ll see you on Thursday, yeah? Don’t you dare forget a slice of that cake,” Cas said, eyes lingering on Dean’s face in a way that had butterflies soaring through Dean’s chest. Was it just Dean’s imagination, or was Cas staring at his lips?
Swallowing thickly, Dean nodded and tried to make his lungs function again. Quite possibly because Cas had somehow stolen all the air from his body once again with just a simple look. “Wouldn’t dream of forgetting,” Dean said. He had to bite down on his tongue and flee the grocery store before the words ‘it’s a date’ could tumble from his lips.
~
Cas’ POV
Just five more minutes until Dean would walk through those automatic doors and flash him that beautiful smile that had Cas’ heart racing in his chest.
Dean had been coming into the store more frequently over the last couple weeks. What had been a once a day encounter had turned into two and then three times a day, and now Cas had it down to a T. Always in the morning when the store opened, and then again right before Cas went onto his lunch break, and then finally in the evening lull when Cas was in need of some company.
Oh, how Cas loved those moments with Dean. He’d started setting his watch to count down to the moments when Dean would walk into the store and steal Cas’ breath away.
God. Dean was gorgeous. Absolutely breathtaking. Funny and smart. Full of amazing stories about his baking adventures and always carrying with him some new samples for Cas to try.
Oh yes. Cas was smitten. Absolutely and utterly gone for Dean. Had been since their first meeting when Dean had almost knocked him over. Cas’ hands had brushed against Dean’s shoulders and their eyes had met and Cas was starstruck.
And he’d only gone and devastatingly fallen for the man who had become his best friend. There was a spark. Cas was sure of it. A possible hint of reciprocation. There had to be, right? What man came to the grocery store 3 times a day unless he were specifically coming to talk to Cas, right?
Pacing the front entrance of the store, Cas pulled in a deep breath of air. Today. For sure. It had to be today.
For weeks, Cas had been trying to pluck up the courage to ask Dean out. He’d managed to ask Dean to join him on his lunch break, and they always shared sandwiches and sat pressed up next to each other in the back of the store. But every time he tried to tell Dean that he was his favorite part of the day, he froze with nerves.
Tomorrow was one of his days off, and Cas was determined. He was gonna ask Dean out on a date. They could spend the day together tomorrow. He didn’t even care what they did. As long as he got to spend time with Dean outside of work.
Taking another deep breath to steady himself, the watch beeped on his wrist. Just as he’d managed to turn it off, Dean waltzed into the door.
“Hiya, Cas,” Dean said, bright and bubbly as ever.
Cas’ heart lurched in his chest. Dean looked especially beautiful today. Old red flannel shirt and black jeans with holes ripped in the knees. A streak of flour still sat high on his cheekbone, and Cas couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and rubbing it away with his thumb.
Dean blushed, eyes dropping to the ground before he gave Cas this soft little smile. Oh God. Cas was completely sweet on Dean.
“Hi Dean. It’s my lunch break, if you wanna sit with me in the back?” Cas asked quietly, heart hammering away against his ribs as his fingers danced over Dean’s wrist.
Dean nodded, licking his lips before holding out a cold-brew coffee. The same one Cas had mentioned yesterday. Dean really did listen to him.
Oh, Cas was so far beyond crushing on Dean. He was absolutely falling in love with him.
Together, they moved to the back of the store. Cas grabbed his sandwich- ham and cheese this time- and offered Dean a slice. Instead of sitting though, Cas leaned against one of the shelves.
“Can I ask you something?” Cas asked after a minute had slipped by with them leaning next to each other.
“Is it about the chocolate loaf that Charlie mentioned when she was in here yesterday? Because if it is, I really did try to save you a slice. But my brother is in town and he ate it before I could bring it to you,” Dean quickly interjected, a flush creeping down into the collar of his shirt.
“No, no. Not that.” Cas took one final steadying breath, hoping to God that he could get the words out without making a fool of himself. “Do you have any plans tomorrow?” Cas asked, the words coming out in a whisper as his heart jumped up into his throat.
Dean tilted his head slightly before a flicker of hope danced across his eyes. “No plans. Why? Isn’t tomorrow your day off?”
Here it was. Now or never.
“Go on a date with me?” Cas asked, forcing the words out as fast as he could before he lost his nerve.
Dean blinked once, twice, before a heart-melting smile burst across his face. “Castiel Novak. Are you asking me out?” Dean teased, fingers reaching out to ghost along Cas’ cheek.
Chewing on his lip, Cas looked up at Dean through his eyelashes. “Yeah, I am. I’m so- you make me so- God, Dean, I’ve been crushing on you for months. Honestly, since the day we met. You’re the highlight of my day and I count down to the moments I get to see you. All I wanna do is kiss you,” Cas admitted. Once the words started flowing, he couldn’t stop them. He wanted. He yearned.
“Yes. Hell yes, I’ll go on a date with you,” Dean beamed, leaning into Cas’ space until their foreheads were pressed together. “Well, what are you waiting for? Kiss me, Cas,” Dean said, words ghosting over Cas’ mouth.
Lurching forward, Cas connected their mouths together. They stumbled backwards, and Cas pressed Dean into the shelves as he locked their lips together. Cas licked along Dean’s lower lip, and Dean sighed blissfully as he opened his mouth.
Cas melted into the kiss, arms locking around Dean’s neck as Dean’s hands settled on his waist. They broke apart with a gasp, only for Cas to chase Dean’s mouth into another kiss. The kisses slowed down, gentle and sweet as Cas brushed their lips together in little strokes.
When they finally pulled away, Dean was laughing happily and Cas felt like he was floating. “Please tell me you’re gonna kiss me like that again tomorrow?” Dean asked, fingers trailing along Cas’ hips.
Cas smiled until his face ached with happiness. “I’m gonna kiss you like that again right now,” he murmured.
If they spent Cas’ entire break kissing against the shelves, well, that might’ve been the best lunch break Cas had ever had.
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secondbeatsongs · 8 months ago
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oh I desperately want to know more of your thoughts about iCarly 👉👈
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alright, ask and you shall receive! let’s get into it.
so, first, a correction to my last post. in it, I said that we don’t know when Spencer dated Audrey. but in fact, we do!
I checked my notes again, and in s04e05 (iDo), Carly and the gang try to convince a woman to marry her fiance instead of chasing after Spencer (god, what a weird show), and while listing Spencer’s negative qualities, Carly says, "Oh! And he hasn't had a steady girlfriend since high school!"
Spencer is 29 years old here. he’s been going on dates regularly throughout the show, and yet he hasn’t had a serious girlfriend since he dated Audrey in high school.
I’m not saying that this is a bad thing - you don’t need a relationship to be happy or to have a good life - but Spencer’s given up the majority (if not all) of his adult life to take care of Carly, and a relationship is obviously something that he wants.
but I’m not here to talk about Spencer being sad at the lack of a girlfriend - no, I’m here to talk about what Spencer says right after Carly makes the above comment. and what he says is, “Well, not a steady girlfriend per se...”
do you see what I’m getting at here?
Spencer isn’t straight. that’s what I’m getting at.
now, I’m not saying that Spencer is canonically queer - this was a nickelodeon show from 2007; there’s no way they would have made it canon. but this show has a hell of a lot of subtext, and I think it’s time we break down some of it.
let’s go back to season 1.
in s01e05 (iWanna Stay With Spencer), one of Spencer’s sculptures malfunctions and almost seriously injures Carly. their granddad shows up and yells at Spencer for his carelessness, and this is where we start to see that underneath his goofy chaos, Spencer really is a responsible adult, and Carly’s safety and happiness is always his biggest priority.
I mention this episode for a lot of reasons, but firstly, holy shit - we actually get confirmation here that Spencer has been taking care of Carly for at least six years already! it’s shown that he held onto her inhaler just in case, and Carly says the last time she had an asthma attack, she was 7. Spencer’s no newbie at this whole parenting gig - he’s been doing it at least since he was 20!
besides that, I think this episode shows an important but subtle change in Spencer’s character - now, he’s increasingly aware that if he steps out of line, if he makes too many mistakes, Carly will be taken away from him. and he cannot let that happen.
in my opinion, this is where Spencer decides that he’s not going to tell Carly about the fact that he’s queer.
this would explain some of his awkwardness in 01e24 (iWin a Date). in this episode, Spencer joins an online dating service (because 2007 was a different time, and Tinder wasn’t around yet).
he sits down to record a video for his profile - shirt buttoned all the way up, hair slicked down, looking nervous and vulnerable - and he looks into the camera, introduces himself, and then says, “I enjoy people...”
that is...maybe the best description anyone could ever give of Spencer’s sexuality. I think about this scene all the time.
but what Spencer didn’t know here is that Carly was listening to him. he thought he was alone, and the second that he realized that Carly was there, he froze up and stopped talking. because he didn’t want her to know that he’s not straight.
god, it kills me.
I could go on for actual hours about this - about how Spencer must have felt, being solely responsible for his younger sister, wanting her to grow up with love and acceptance, but knowing that there are some things that he just can’t talk about without risking the life he’s built for them - but I will not, because I will cry.
instead, let’s go back to Audrey.
in the finale, this is how Spencer explains who Audrey is: “The most important girlfriend I’ve ever had - the only girl I’ve ever really been in love with.”
you see that wording? look at it. “The only girl I’ve ever really been in love with.” just like in iDo, when he said, “Well, not a steady girlfriend...”
I think those phrases are very telling. so is the part in s02e16 (iDate a Bad Boy) when Carly asks how old Spencer was when he started kissing girls. she could have asked, “How old were you when you had your first kiss?” - that would have sounded normal, but no - she said, “How old were you when you started kissing girls?”
Spencer’s not straight, and Carly knows it, and they can never talk about it.
and it’s not that Spencer’s trying to be subtle about his personality - he’s a confident, quirky guy who’s passionate about art, loves to cook (and is great at it!), and wears weird socks. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him rollerblading in the hallway, or saving up tickets to win a stuffed dolphin at the arcade, or doing cosplay - but when Carly walks in on his book club meeting, he gets nervous.
and maybe he was planning on telling Carly - maybe he thought that when she was old enough and there was no threat of their granddad taking her away, he could have that conversation with her.
...and then their dad showed up, and took Carly to Italy.
welp.
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ambermation · 2 months ago
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Yandere!Strange Supreme x Reader
I love Strange Supreme (from What If) and after seeing two posts about him as a yandere I have decided that I'm going to add to this. This is only following the events of Episode 4 of What If btw.
Also I'm not sure what this type of post is called, so please tell me if you know (like is it an Imagine, a Drabble, Headcanons, etc.?)
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You caught Stephen's attention by complete accident in all honesty.
After he wept for who knows how long in that little pocket of a universe, Stephen began to peer into other universes. After all, what else was one to do after they destroyed their reality?
He stumbled across you while he searched. He wasn't searching for anything, or anyone, in particular, but rather he was doing it simply because it was something to do. Seeing you was completely by chance. Or, from your side, it was a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Stephen would've ignored you if it weren't for your eyes.
Something about the way they sparkled and shined made him freeze as a nice, warm feeling blossomed in his chest. It was something he hadn't felt in years.
(Truthfully, your gorgeous (eye color) eyes reminded him of Christine's, and that's where it all went downhill for you. All because of your eyes)
Stephen didn't even realize how much he missed that feeling until he saw you for the first time. It was soothing yet arousing; complex yet discernible; dreadful yet delightful. After all that time alone, this feeling was a welcomed one. And it was something he was unwilling to let go so easily.
For months (according to your universe) Stephen watched you. He watched you all the time and learned about you. It was his mission to learn everything there is to know about you. Once he knew everything, that's when he would finally approach you.
You were none the wiser. I mean, who would be aware of a misguided sorcerer from another universe stalking watching them all the time? During all those months Stephen watched you, you simply continued going to college. You were hoping to get your degree and then find an excellent job to support yourself.
In the meantime, you spent most of your nights at your local library studying. Sure, you could’ve done that at home, but you found it quite distracting to do so. Plus, your anxiety and crippling loneliness were getting worse, especially when you stayed at your tiny little apartment for long... well at least it’s not going too badly. You could manage your mental health a little more after finals, then you could make some changes to your lifestyle (eating healthier, try to socialize more, clean your apartment more regularly, etc) that would help you mentally in the long run.
One night, after your most recent (and longest) study session, you were driving home when you kept getting this uneasy feeling. The feeling made your anxiety far worse than its ever been. You began hyperventilating. The feeling persisted to the point where you nearly crashed into another car after forgetting about a stop sign.  At that point you decided to pull over to take a breather.
You figured that the disconcerting feeling was just your anxiety, sadness, and loneliness bubbling over once more at another horrible time. You tried listening to your favorite songs while pacing, but those hardly did anything to lift your mood.
Right when you were about to grit your teeth and just drive home (it was only 20 minutes away) a bright, dark red light appeared in front of you. Confused, you stumbled backwards, unsure whether to run or not.
From the light stepped out a humanoid figure basked in darkness. You could see tentacles slithering in the air as well as three glowing eyes. Those monstrous features disappeared into itself as it stepped closer to you. It had taken on the shape of a human, though you couldn’t make out the distinct features still. You fell as you backed away. This gave the creature the chance to grab you. You didn’t scream, you didn’t cry out, you didn’t struggle; you were too shocked to do anything.
The thing carried you back through the light, and suddenly you were in the house of your dreams.
Your captor introduced himself as Stephen Strange. He explained how this world was built by him just for you. “Anything you want, I’ll give,” he said. And he remained true to his word. Your little world changed whenever you said something that even hinted at wanting something different. Sometimes Stephen would ask if you wanted anything different, but most of the time he changed things when he felt like you were getting bored of the same thing.
Stephen doesn’t quite understand why you cry about missing your family. They don’t appreciate you the way he does. He does his best to dry your tears; he hates seeing you cry.
He admires everything you do, even sleeping.
Almost never leaves you alone. Most of the time you’re with Stephen, whether you want to or not, but there are some moments where you can be alone. He wants to share everything with you and for you to share everything with him. Stephen’s also worried that something might happen to you even while inside this imaginary paradise. (He freaked out when you got a paper cut while reading one time and has refused to leave your side for at least a day)
At first, you kept resisting Stephen. You would be politely nice to him most of the time, but there were moments where you would snap at him or give a rude quip. He tolerated this at first, biting down his indignation, but after the tenth time he started to become quite angered whenever you responded to him like that, his anger becoming more apparent each time.
You reluctantly tried befriending Stephen and tried having more in depth conversations after a while. You had grown tired of staying mostly quiet. Besides, who else could you talk to?
Stephen was over the moon when he realized you were warming up to him. You were closer to loving him, just as he loves you.
It wasn't long afterwards before you fell in love with Stephen.
After begging him for a while, Stephen agreed to take you on a short visit back to your universe. He decided it was worth it upon seeing your smile brighten. You were overjoyed to see your family again. They were surprised to see you had a boyfriend, but other than their initial surprise, they were relatively normal.
The two of you would often visit your universe after that first visit. He found you adorable when you demanded it become a regular thing.
Stephen would do anything for you and anything to keep you for himself. He knows there’s a risk of losing you every time you visit home, but he assures himself that there’s no way anyone will take you from him, and anyone who tries will be killed.
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bigassheart · a year ago
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I’ve seen a couple posts about how everyone was wildly out of character and totally inconsistent this season and I’m just like... were you guys paying attention? 
1. Luther
Arguably the biggest shift in character between the two seasons, but it makes sense. Luther spent a year fending for himself and thinking his entire family was dead. 
This is the first time in his life that he had to hold down a job and actually live on his own. It was literally his first time living out in the world among anyone other than his family, and you can see in his reactions with the other characters from that life (the boss, his landlord, those kids that idolize him, and the waitress) that it has really mellowed him out. It has allowed him to be more normal, despite being very much not normal. You can see the way he’s so much more comfortable in his skin. Literally the only times he looks uncomfortable is when he’s fighting people, shirt off and body on full display. He’s still not comfortable with that, but he’s not trying to hide under huge overcoats anymore. He has people in his life who accept him for being a little weird, but really do treat him normal. 
So is he a little less uptight and mission focused? Yeah. Because he can finally see another life, and it’s the life that he honestly did want in season 1 but felt like he couldn’t have because he was number 1 and he had a responsibility to his dad, his family, and the academy to be the leader. Having a year on his own frees him of all that. 
But he also spent all that time thinking his family was dead and feeling so guilty about it. You can see in his very first interaction with Vanya, where he suddenly feels that responsibility again. He brings a gun, not knowing what’s going to happen and, despite what he told Five, he absolutely does still have that lingering feeling of responsibility. But then he sees Vanya and she’s not a threat and everything he has been holding in for the last year comes out. Because he does feel guilty as hell for what he did to Vanya, but also for the fact that his actions pushed her into causing the apocalypse. He spent a year with the knowledge that he did that and thinking that his family was dead because of his actions. 
He’s willing to listen now because he spent a year living in a world where his actions killed his whole family. And now he finds out that that didn’t happen and he has a second chance. Of course he’s going to take it! 
2. Diego
In the first season, Diego finally admitted that he wanted to be close to his family and that he cared about them and wouldn’t leave them again. He confronted the guilt about leaving, which he had previously denied. He realized the difference between revenge and honoring someone’s memory. But despite all that, he never confronted the reason why he, a grown-ass-man, wandered around the city as a leather clad, mask wearing vigilante. 
So when we see Diego show up in 1963, that’s still who he is. He wants to be that hero and he finds an answer for how to be that hero in the first several minutes that he’s there. So he takes it. I mean, what else is he going to do? His family is gone. Maybe they’ll show up again. Maybe this is it. Either way, he’s on his own like he was before, so he’s got a duty to be the hero he has chosen to be. 
And then he meets his dad again. Everyone keeps telling him he has daddy issues, and they’re right. He absolutely has daddy issues. He’s still trying to simultaneously prove that he’s good enough for his dad, but also doesn’t need Daddy’s approval. Except he does need it. He still desperately craves it and he feels gutted when his dad denies him that approval, even falling back into the stutter he had as a kid. 
Now, despite the way we joke, Diego is not dumb. He is so observant and he makes some of the most poignant statements about his siblings and the way they see the world. He sees the people around them and he understands them, but he has never been able to completely turn that gift inwards and see those same things in himself. In this season, Lila breaks through all that and he finally sees himself in her at the end. 
“Do you know how hard it is to trust people when your whole childhood was bullshit manipulation? Then why would you do that to me?”  
Diego sees himself in Lila, in her failure to break away from her mother despite the fact that he knows she wants to. In the final episode, he sees that she is just like the rest of the siblings, but she doesn’t have to be. None of them have to be stuck with their daddy issues, because they have each other. They can support and care for each other. It’s the last step of the growth he started in season 1, moving beyond his tendency to define his life and his family through their father. 
3. Allison
Throughout season 1, Allison struggled with whether or not to use her powers, but it was all centered around getting back to her daughter. When she appears in 1961, that motivation is effectively removed. She thinks everyone else is dead. She thinks that she is stranded in the past and that she will never get back. She finds a group of people to support her and before long... she finds her voice again. 
It’s no coincidence that Allison’s first spoken words in the series come right after she gives Ray that pamphlet with a bunch of added notes. She finds her voice in the civil rights movement. She finds her power there. She finds a way to help change the world, to change reality, and she does it without her powers. 
This is something she struggled with through the entirety of season 1, feeling inadequate for using her powers to get what she wanted, not knowing if anything was real or earned. Now she has the chance to earn everything without those powers and she is thriving. 
And then she is forced to use her powers again. It all turns out fine, but now she’s showing off and experiencing all over again how good it feels to have power. She spent two years in a world where she was denied equal treatment, where she could be arrested and assaulted for any reason those with more power came up with. And now she feels that power... She doesn’t have to wait for people to give her respect. She can demand it. But the pain is still there, and it’s not enough to just be respected, because these people have hurt her. They almost killed her husband. They have used their power to cause pain to her and all those who look like her time and time again and now it’s time to understand what it’s like to be powerless, to be hurt and to be unable to stop it and... 
And it’s scary. It’s scary to have that much power, to see how you could become the kind of person who uses your power to hurt others. And she knows that her power has hurt people she loves and suddenly she’s right back where she started. 
Only not entirely. 
She doesn’t shy away from her powers in the final fight. She is obviously still finding that balance and I would expect this struggle to continue for her in future seasons. Power can be addicting and Allison’s power is so strong. She knows the danger there, but she also knows that sometimes it’s needed despite the danger. 
4. Klaus
Klaus is an addict. He finds obsessions to bury himself in to avoid dealing with reality. In season 1, he buried himself in drugs and booze. When he shows up in the 60′s, he finds a new drug to bury himself in: adoration. 
Klaus is so impulsive and it’s not difficult to connect the dots of how one thing leads to another until suddenly everything is out of his control. Honestly, that’s the story of Klaus’s life, no matter where he goes. And then something changes. He gets tired of his cult and leaves. Except... that’s not really the reason. 
After all this time, Dave is still the love of his life, and he knows he has an opportunity. He knows where Dave will be at this one time and he knows exactly what he has to change to keep Dave alive. 
He also knows that Ben is going to have thoughts about this. 
I know some people were disappointed that there wasn’t more Klaus and Ben bonding this season, but it makes sense that there is tension there. I think a lot of that tension comes from Ben’s circumstances, which I’ll discuss later, but Klaus is also not responding to that tension well. 
They are fighting more than ever (not that they ever didn’t fight in season 1, where they spent much of their time being snarky to each other and Ben literally punching Klaus in the face for being an asshole), but the fighting is about something new this season. Ben wants his own life and Klaus is not in a position to give Ben what he really wants. We also learn that he has been carrying around this guilt for the last 17 years about forcing Ben to stick around as a ghost. He forced this half-life on his brother and now that it’s not enough for Ben, Klaus doesn’t want to deal with it. So he avoids and deflects and snarks and we see the toll on their relationship. We see it in the way he tries to deal with his plans around Dave entirely on his own. He focuses so much into that last ditch effort. He’s already in such a low place before this, so when that fails, we see him snap. We see him give up and crumble. And Ben falls back to his old role, trying to save Klaus from himself. 
But the tension isn’t gone and Klaus’s guilt isn’t gone. We see it again when Klaus finally agrees to let Ben possess him. Klaus has always been afraid of his powers and being possessed is just as terrifying a thought as being surrounded by the dead. And yet he gives Ben that chance. It’s the last good thing he can do at that point. 
I do wish we had gotten more closure for Klaus and Ben’s story. I think Vanya’s reveal could have been given a little more time, but that’s not really a problem with inconsistent characterization, so we’ll save that for another post. 
5. Five
OK, who would argue that Five was out of character or inconsistent? He’s obsessed with stopping the apocalypse, is willing to cross a lot of lines to save his family, and constantly frustrated by his family’s failure to go along with his plans. This is textbook Five. 
What I loved about this season was that we got to see Five finally meeting his father again. They interact as two adults, not as a child trying to find away to become his own person, frustrated by a lack of trust from his father. It allows Reggie to see Five in a different light and to actually provide advice in a constructive way, something he has almost never been able to do when viewing them as his children. But despite outward appearances and despite the fact that Five is a grown man, he still sees his father the same way he always has. He doesn’t register Reggie’s advice as advice. He hears that he’s striving beyond his abilities and that maybe he can only travel in seconds. He hears his father telling him he can’t handle time travel. That’s why he doesn’t try to actually take the very good advice until the very end.  
An old dog can still occasionally learn a new trick and Five proves that true. 
6. Ben
As I mentioned earlier, Ben is chaffing at his ghosthood. Maybe it’s because Klaus has been sober enough to keep Ben around solidly for 3 years. Maybe it’s because Ben is no longer spending all his time trying to keep Klaus alive and sober. Or maybe it’s the fact that he has finally found someone that he actually wants to spend time with. Whatever the reason, Ben wants to be alive this season. 
Again, as I mentioned, that’s causing some tension. Ben doesn’t want to be tied to Klaus, but Klaus is ignoring that because he feels so guilty about it. Ben doesn’t want to admit that he was too scared to go into the light on his own, so they’re at a bit of a standstill. 
And then Ben gets the opportunity to be alive again, if only for a while. And in a lot of ways, it’s wonderful! But it’s not the same as being truly alive. 
So when the time comes, when he’s faced with that light again... he’s not afraid. He knows that it’s time to move on. He knows this isn’t where he should be, but he also got the chance to be there for his family. He misses them, but he got to talk to Diego and Vanya. He got to save Vanya. He got to save Allison and Diego and Klaus and Luther and Five and the whole world! So while he would have stayed, he’s not sad about leaving anymore, and he’s not afraid. 
7. Vanya
OK, she was a little out of character because... you know. She had amnesia. 
But aside from erasing her past, the amnesia allowed us to see Vanya without the anger and resentment that plagued her for all of season one. Vanya was always someone who was kind and loving, someone who cares enough to leave peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches out for a missing brother for years. Someone who knows the pain of not being seen and who will always take the time to truly see other people. She’s someone who wants to love and to be loved and to protect those she loves. 
That was all here, with or without the memories. And as soon as the memories came back, so did the guilt and fear about what she had done, what she had become, terrified of what was inside her in a way that she was not when her powers first surfaced. But Ben is used to being afraid of what’s inside of him. He knows she’s not a monster and is the perfect person to explain that to her. And this time around, she has experienced the love and care and attention of her siblings (and Sissy) to back up those words. That’s how she finally accepts them as truth, how she finally accepts her power as a part of her. 
Overall, there are things that I wish this season spent more time with, but there was nothing that I felt was out of character or wildly inconsistent. The characters still struggled with all the baggage from their shitty childhood, their fear of their powers, and the guilt in their past. Some struggled in new ways this season and some continued old struggles that had never fully been resolved. The season felt very different than the first, but it still felt like the Umbrella Academy. It was a good mix of new and old and a good mix of feel-good moments we have all been waiting for and frustrating and sad moments that just come with having a complicated family. I loved this season. And now, I’m going to go re-watch every episode. 
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thechekhov · 7 months ago
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Alright, alright, I caved.
After a slot opened up in me to be able to take on another show emotionally, I decided to invest in OwlHouse. I thought I would probably like it, but it won me over faster than I thought it would.
I’ve already watched a few episodes, but I realized that it might be more fun to do liveblogs, so here I am - with a liveblog...
I will be doing this episode by episode, and probably releasing them every once in a while. Everything will be under a cut, however, to save you all dash space.
If you’d like to follow, please track the #chekhov watches owlhouse tag!
(I’d also like to dedicate this post to the Tumblr Staff Rob, who did his best to restore this post for me when tumblr queue ate it.)
Without further ado...
Episode 1!!
Fair warning - this is technically not a ‘live’ blog, because I have already watched some of the show before deciding to do this, but I’ll still react to them to round things out.
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Immediately, this reminds me of Little Witch Academia... Anyone? No? Only me? I feel like maybe I’m getting my wires crossed, but there HAD to have been some inspiration taken from there?
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“No-- my only weakness! Dying!!“
Same, big snake monster. Same.
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Oh, backup snakes? This girl is READY.
Please don’t mistreat the snakes.
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Spider breath... This kid is on my wavelength. That griffin seems to be waiting to be put out of its misery though, and I don’t blame it.
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My child... where did you get that pigeon head though.....
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Nurse mother, do you REALLY think signing up your spider-summoning daughter for summer camp will actively make her antics slow down instead of ramp up to 60?
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Awww, baby makes AMVs... But also, NO ONE TOLD YOU TO THROW AWAY THE BOOK??? I know it’s symbolic, but goodness, isn’t that a bit much???
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wait a sec, is that Eda????
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Love the realistic bilingual kid experience of replying in English when your mom talks to you in your native language. Universal.
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Love this introduction of Eda’s character. She’s got that little green scarf on and everything. Like a tiny trash grandma.
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Oooh, okay, let’s extrapolate...
Lots of bones everywhere. I kinda love the aesthetic here - it’s gross and visceral, kind of like what Luz was making with her school projects. Yet in the middle of it all we have a rather clear gothic looking structure. Is this a power imbalance in the supposed kingdom?
The five circles of stained glass seem to perhaps indicate something like Hogwarts houses? Several different types of magic?
But Luz has no reason to freak out as much as she is - she LOVES weird stuff! Haha... No, I kid, I kid. I get it.
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“Am I in the bad place?“
Eyyyyy, gotta love shows referencing other shows. :)
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“Oh dear child... I’m not like you.”
Wow, what a DRAMATIC reveal for some pointy ears. :) I love her.
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We should all aspire to have such cool and stylistically well put together wanted posters. You can tell the commissioned artist really respects her craft.
Steven Universe fans watching this:
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I’m looking too.
Okay, okay, enough shenanigans, let’s have some LORE.
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I love this landscape. Teeth or bones, or whatever they are, this is one of the more unique settings we’ve gotten, though maybe I’m prejudiced because I love body horror and bones. The darker orange and red themes fit really well here.
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Things I’m desperate for: Giraffe Lore 
Things I’m more desperate for: Eda lore. Why do her limbs fall off? Is she a zombie?
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Things I’m not quite as desperate for: Hooty lore. He can keep that to himself.
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well hello there mysterious chekhov’s glyph which will DEFINITELY not be relevant in the second chapter (or end of season? Maybe? Idk it just seems important).
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Ah, yes. That would have been my reaction as well, to be fair. Somehow I didn’t expect to see this guy so early on. I figured he would be a low stress early villain that got assimilated into the Found Family. Kinda psyched that he’s just there from the start.
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....I’m just gonna presume this is all true and accept it at face value.
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Old Escape The Cops Lady and Tiny Little Demon King, I need your backstory. How did you meet.
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I love looking at background details, because like... you can tell the BG artists had fun. I particularly love how the 3 eyed toad doesn’t actually have any reward attached to her. Though the Knife Baby does intrigue me!
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“I write fanfics of food falling in love.”
Why am I being called out...
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“Noo! My weak nerd arms!”
Finally, a realistic portrayal of a protagonist thrust into a fantasy setting!
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.....................
Okay but. If only humans could pass through the barrier... wouldn’t that mean a human had to have deposited those things in there? Do they have a human on staff in this weird pseudo-prison??? Suspicious....
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Confession - when I initially saw ads for this show, I expected Eda to be a villain, not a loveable middle aged witch aunt figure. I am shockingly even MORE drawn to her this way. I expected betrayal. I expected her to be a lowkey threat?? But no. She’s just wholesome in the way a solid raccoon is.
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“Eda, are you okay?!”
“Yeah, this just happens when you get older...”
“........does it..?”
If I had to pinpoint the exact moment this show won me over...... it would probably be this one.
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I know it’s probably the wrong thing to focus on, but what is that insignia? Wings??? Like.... the kind OWLS HAVE?????
COINCIDENCE??? I THINK NOT!!!
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I’m really loving the landscape here. And those fireworks are... hmm... intricate?
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Gotta love the old tried and true Witch Apprentice Actually A Live In Intern trope. :)
Hold up...
Is that
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Is that Hooty? I thought he was just a door....
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Eda: This is my room for human stuff. I will also put my human in there.
. . .
Overall rating: I think this is a cute overall beginning. The prison break went hard! I enjoyed the characters and it kind of surprised me in a lot of ways. It definitely does a great job setting up a world with a lot more to explore while giving us a small taste of cool magic stuff and witchy battles. :)
Now on to Episode 2!!
Read the liveblogs in order by clicking here!
436 notes · View notes
raibebe · 9 months ago
Text
Love Is On Air
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Genre: fluff & smut Words: 8.722 Prompt: radio host Johnny x secret admirer female reader Warnings: soft dom Johnny, oral (f receiving), safe sex, dirty talk
A/N: Finally: My entry for the February event of my lovely network @neosmutcollective​. This is totally not the fic I planned on writing. In fact this was started way later after I realized I was never going to finish my original fic on time. Not that this one is on time... Special thanks to everyone who sent our lovely DJs some music recommendations @sly-merlin​, @moonctzeny​, @lenaluvs​, @lucas-wongs​, @burtonized​ and to @ncteaxhoe​ who helped me figure out this idea. I hope you enjoy this even though it’s wayyy too late.
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You hurried home to your apartment after your last class of the day that was horrifically late because of whoever had fucked up your schedule this semester. Panting heavily, you busted into your room and threw your jacket and backpack somewhere onto your couch, diving straight for your laptop that was perched on your desk. Cursing the old thing, you waited for agonizing minutes until it had booted up and your browser was open. You quickly opened the familiar page of your university’s campus radio just in time to hear the familiar voice saying: “Hi I’m John-D, welcome to NCT Night Night.” After that both hosts chuckled lowly before Jaehyun spoke: “Tonight we’ll read some of the letters you wrote us over the week again and we will try our best to help you out with whatever problems you throw our way.” “Exactly. Right after we play this song that was suggested by evangelie_99 over on our Twitter, it’s Pluto Projector by Rex Orange County and she said that she loves our show. We’re glad you like it so much, darling. This one is for you,” Johnny softly said before the soft tunes of the song filled your little one-room apartment.
Sighing, you leaned back in your chair, carelessly toeing your shoes off. Listening to NCT Night Night was your escape at night from the stress that classes brought you. The two DJs that were on air every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday were your favorites though. Not only did they have great chemistry but they both could be incredibly funny as well as soothe all your nerves with their calming voices – especially Johnny or John-D as he was called on their show. You might have developed a slightly embarrassing crush on the fratboy with a heart as sweet as his voice from what you knew about him from his radio shows and your shared classes. Since they had started their weekly segment where they would read out letters that students could send them, you had gathered the courage to send Johnny little messages about how you were crushing on him and it had quickly become a running gag on the show. Jaehyun would tease Johnny about it every week while Johnny kept insisting that his secret admirer should just talk to him. But how could you do that? Johnny was everything one could want in a boyfriend. Not only was he ridiculously tall and devastatingly handsome but he was also smart, always seemingly staying on top of his classes and he also went to the gym regularly if his thirst traps on his Instagram stories were anything to go by. When he wasn’t giving out advice in a gentle voice on their radio program, he was out partying with his frat brothers on the weekends more often than not complaining about headaches on their Sunday show. How could you just walk up to him and talk to him? Right. You couldn’t. So you had to resign to sending him anonymous love letters through his radio show.
“Welcome back, hi,” Johnny chuckled once the song had gently faded out and you couldn’t help but giggle along. “That was Pluto Projector by Rex Orange County,” Jaehyun tried to stay on script but you could almost hear the grin on his face because of Johnny’s antics, “If you want your song to play on today’s show, please suggest something over on our Twitter with the hashtag,” Jaehyun paused momentarily and let out a dramatic sigh before continuing, “hashtag JohnDplaymelikeaviolin.” Jaehyun hadn’t even read the whole hashtag out loud when Johnny was already bursting out in laughter and how could you not laugh along with his melodic laughter. “I swear to god I am never letting you choose hashtags for our show ever again,” Jaehyun groaned while Johnny sounded like he was still dying in the background. “Don’t be mean to me Jaehyunie,” he whined and even though today’s episode was not viewable, you could vividly imagine how he was pouting. While the two friends were busy bickering and talking about what they had done since their last show, you pulled up your own Twitter to send a recommendation in.
“Aaaah, I see we’re already getting plenty of suggestions. Sly-merlin suggested us Sexy Dirty Love by Demi Lovato – a great song – and added ‘I wish John-D would actually play me like a violin.” After a potent silence, Johnny broke out in laughter again. “And this is why you won’t choose any more hashtags,” Jaehyun groaned again. “Baby,” Johnny rasped into his mic and even though you weren’t wearing headphones, it sent tingles down your spine, “Just come to our frat party on Friday and I’ll see what I can do.” “Stop plugging our parties on the radio,” Jaehyun scolded the elder, the slap audible over the radio, “Also sly-merlin has to stand in line. You still have your number one admirer who has sent in a letter yet again.” “She still hasn’t come up to me,” Johnny shared, “I can only keep up my chastity for so long. I am saving myself for this girl.” You know he was joking but you were just a simple woman and even in your secluded home, you felt heat rising to your cheeks, your thumbs stopping on your keyboard where you had typed out your song recommendation. Both DJs shared a quiet laugh before Jaehyun asked: “And you really don’t know who she is?” “I really don’t man,” his friend sighed, “Like I have my suspicions because she has to be in my major if she sees me in class that often. That or she’s a stalker which I do not want to think about. But for real, hit me up. I’ll take you out for a coffee.” “Now everyone is going to come up to you and claim that they’re her.” “I’ll take that risk,” Johnny laughed, “Maybe I’ll finally meet the love of my life and settle down.” At that Jaehyun snorted loudly. “The woman that can make you settle down gets free coffee for like a month from me.” “Watch me have a wife and kids at 25 Jae, just to spite you,” his friend snorted, “But up until then, let’s play sly-merlin’s song recommendation: Sexy Dirty Love by Demi Lovato.”
While the song was playing, you finished up your own tweet and hit post before you grabbed your bag that you had carelessly thrown away before to get out your notes. You actually had to start a project for one of the classes you and Johnny actually did share. The professor had announced that he would announce the pairings for a group project tomorrow and you didn’t want to seem like an actual idiot if your group would decide to already meet up and discuss after class. So while you listened to your favorite DJs discuss the questions and worries of whoever had sent them to their email address, you worked through the notes you had taken over the last couple of weeks, trying your best to organize them to remember the key points.
“Oh John-D, I have a very special letter here,” Jaehyun said, waving the paper in front of the microphone so it would pick up the wiggling noises. “What could that be?” Johnny asked with over-exaggerated interest. “It’s from your secret admirer, John-D. So I think you should read it out.” Just like every time, they read your letter, your heart began beating faster and faster in your chest until you were sure, it would break free from your ribcage. “Okay, here I go,” Johnny announced while Jaehyun was playing the same cheesy music he always played when they were reading your letters, “Happy Thursday, John-D. The weekend is almost in reach, keep up the energy for the last day of classes! – she’s so sweet, I’m holding up alright – One of my professors will announce the pairings he made for a group project soon and I am nervous. I don’t have many friends in the course and I’m praying that I will get good group mates I can work well with.” “Oooh, I get that struggle,” Jaehyun interrupted, “I once had to work with a bunch of stoners and ended up doing all the work for a presentation that made up 30 percent of my grade. Worst experience of my life, would not recommend. But we’re wishing you all the luck.” “But you know what’s more interesting about this story?” Johnny tuned in, “Coincidentally my professor for my literature class is assigning our group projects tomorrow as well. Say, my sweet admirer, are you perhaps in the same literature class as me?” In your otherwise silent room, the panicked squeak you let out was loud even to your ears. There was no way Johnny could figure out who you were, there were probably at least 20 more girls with a crush on him in that class alone, so you were safe. “Oooh, so maybe she’s a lit major so that’s why she’s writing love letters.” “Could be but lots of people from different majors are taking that class,” Johnny argued, “Anyways, back to her letter. But I won’t let that disturb me! I will be doing my best regardless! – That’s the spirit – I’ll work through my notes as I listen to your honey voice so I can be prepared. I’m glad you don’t do viewable radios on Thursday’s or else I wouldn’t be able to get anything done, you’re just too distracting John-D,” at that Jaehyun let out a fake gag while Johnny just giggled softly, “Thank you secret admirer, I do clean up quite nicely if I do say so myself. – On last Sunday’s episode you melted my heart when you hid in your hoodie for half the show. – God that was the worst hangover I had in a looong while, I was so miserable.”
“You should have seen him at home,” Jaehyun laughed, “I had to physically drag his whole 180-something-centimeters body first into the shower, then into the car and into the station. He is the biggest crybaby when he’s hungover.” “Don’t expose me like that, Jaehyunie,” Johnny whined loudly, “I was dared to drink a bunch of tequila and my mother didn’t raise neither a quitter nor a coward.” “No, but clearly an idiot,” the younger DJ laughed his deep laugh. “Let me read my love letter in peace,” the other grumbled, “I couldn’t follow for half the show because I was so focused on watching you. Not in a creepy way of course! – Of course not,” Johnny chuckled, “I hope you finished that essay you had to work on after the show in time and still had some time to relax. – I did, don’t worry.” That you already knew when Johnny had handed in his essay in another class you two shared just before you had handed in yours and he had thrown you a little smile that had kept you going through the whole day. “Take care of yourself and keep smiling your beautiful smile, I look forward to seeing you again on Sunday or in classes. And fighting to Jae-D as well of course! – I look forward to hearing from you again, secret admirer. I bet your group project will go just fine, don’t worry too much. If anyone is mean to you, just expose them here and we’ll fight them for you.” “Love that she acknowledged me in one sentence as well,” Jaehyun grumbled, cutting off the cheesy music abruptly. “You’re just jealous you don’t have a sweet admirer who sends you cute messages,” the other teased his friend. “Yeah, yeah, shut up and put that letter in the box under your bed.” “It’s in my sock drawer, thank you very much.”
Giggling, you listened to the two friends bicker, your chest warm with a feeling you were scared to put a name on. “Anyways, I think it’s time for another music recommendation you can still send in via our lovely hashtag JohnDplaymelikeaviolin. This one is from lenaluvies and she says: Please play Hurts So Good by Astrid S thank you. No, thank you for sending something in darling. This one’s for you,” Johnny announced and you couldn’t help but laugh a little pained laugh. That song title hit a little too close to home for your liking. The rest of the radio show went by smoothly and Johnny and Jaehyun tried to help a handful of more students with their problems that couldn’t be more diverse. From a boy who had fallen in love with his best friend which had send him into an identity crisis over to a girl who was failing her classes because she claimed the professor hated her to a freshman who wanted to apply for a fraternity but was scared because of the rumors surrounding them which the DJs quickly debunked since they both were in the same fraternity. In the end they had to cut themselves short, asking their viewers to vote on a poll they would make if people wanted a whole Tuesday episode surrounding fraternities.
“So.” “So,” Johnny copied his friend. “We’re almost at the end of our time with you guys. We couldn’t get through all of your submissions but we hope our team picked a few good ones and at least some of you could get some advice.” “As always you’re free to send us your own stories to our e-mail JohnJaeNNN@NCTU.com to get some advice next Thursday from your favorite DJs: John-D.” “And Jae-D. Every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday on your campus radio on 127mHz. On NCT-“ “Night Night,” they said their ending together and just like every night with them, you said goodnight to your computer screen, closing the tab which draped your little apartment in silence. Sighing loudly, you looked over your notes that needed a little more work if you wanted to make a good first impression on your fellow students tomorrow. Because you couldn’t stand the silence, you opened your Spotify to play the NCT Night Night playlist Johnny and Jaehyun had made with the songs that had been recommended to them, still missing the new additions from tonight.
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The next morning found you in your literature class, sitting two rows behind Johnny, staring at the back of his head while doodling on your paper rather than taking notes on whatever the professor was saying. If you were to let your eyes wander, you’d see that almost everyone in the big room was paying as much or even less attention as you were; the students in different states of excitement and anxiety over the group projects he had yet to announce. “I’m sorry professor,” Johnny’s voice suddenly cut through the room, “I’m sure you have already noticed that no one is paying attention to whatever you’re trying to teach us right now. Could you please just announce the groups for the project?” That moment you swore you would be able to hear a pin drop until your eccentric professor chuckled lowly. “I like you, Suh. I was waiting for someone to mention it,” he spoke, getting the dreaded list out of his bag, “Listen closely now, you’ll be assigned in groups of four and each group will get a specific novel to work on. Deadline will be by the end of the semester and your individual paper combined with the group presentation will make up 40% of your final grade.” That made a bunch of people, including you, gasp out loudly. A group project with this much credit to your final grade was always dreaded. “I don’t want to hear any complaints, that’s how it’s always been. Now listen carefully, I won’t repeat myself but the list will be hung on our blackboard as well.” With that being said, the professor began listing names and novels in the most monotone voice he could muster. To say you were basically vibrating off of your seat was an understatement when he got further and further down the list and neither yours nor Johnny’s name had been called yet. “And lastly, an all-time favorite: Romeo and Juliet.” You didn’t even register anything else after the professor had announced that the group featured both Johnny and you along with two other students you didn’t know. Your brain was reduced to static noise while everyone else was getting up around you to pick up the books that had already been stacked in a corner, probably by a poor TA. Only when a person bumped into you, you broke from your stupor to quickly pick up your stuff as well to hurry down to steps to where a crowd of students had already gathered.
Luckily Johnny towered over most of the other students and you could easily spot him and the rest of your group that were two other boys you didn’t recognize. “Hey, you’re the last one we were missing,” Johnny smiled and handed you over your copy of the book. “Y... Yeah, sorry for making you wait,” you stuttered, clutching the small book tightly in your hands. “No big deal,” Johnny played it off, “Do any of you have any more classes today?” When everyone declined, you all agreed that you should get a head start on your project as it would be hard to make a good project out of such an overused love story. While walking over to the student center to decide on a concept, conversation flowed easily between the four of you even though you were still really nervous to be around Johnny. God, you really hoped he didn’t think you were stupid or something just because you were nervous.
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The little study session went by in a blur and only further confirmed that you were so whipped for Johnny it wasn’t even funny anymore. You found yourself attentively listening to all of his ideas and laughing at every of his stupid little jokes and only mildly spacing out while looking at Johnny when the others were discussing ideas which had led to one or two mildly embarrassing situations where you would lose track of what you were actually discussing, your mind blank of any input when they asked for your opinion.
Soon you found yourself parting ways with your groupmates, leaving you and Johnny alone because his frat house and your little apartment were located in the same general direction. “Anything fun you’re doing this evening?” Johnny asked, trying to make some light conversation to fill the silence. “No, I’ll just binge watch some shows maybe or listen to the campus radio,” you shrugged it off. While today’s show wasn’t your favorite, you quite liked the DJs soft and gentle voice. “You listen to the campus radio? I have a show on there,” Johnny smiled. “I like listening to you and Jaehyun,” you confessed, trying to fight the heat that was licking at your cheeks. “Oh.” “You seem surprised.” “Yeah, it kind of still seems weird that people enjoy listening to Jae and me rambling for hours on end. You know with him it just feels like I’m hanging out with my brother rather than work.” “Your voices are really soothing, you know,” you tried to explain what you were feeling when listing to them, “And your friendship is kind of adorable. Like we can feel how much you care about each other and you always genuinely try to help your listeners without making fun of them.” For a while Johnny didn’t say anything and you thought you had fucked it up, that he thought you were weird now. “Thank you,” he suddenly said. “Huh?” “It means a lot hearing that. We do lurk on Twitter to see what people think of our show but hearing it like this is something else entirely.” “It’s nothing,” you mused, playfully hitting his arm, “No need to get this soft.” “Hey,” he laughed, “I’ll have you know that I am 180 centimeters of walking softness despite what people might say about me.” Smiling softly you caught his eyes for the first time since you two had started walking and the way his honey eyes were smiling back at you momentarily took your breath away.
“I- My room is right around here, sooooo,” you stuttered. “It was nice working with you. Even though you were spacing out half the time,” Johnny teased, “Thinking about a special someone?” You. The word sat on the tip of your tongue, the low light of the afternoon sun making you bolder than you actually were and Johnny just made you feel incredibly comfortable. “No... No- I- I’m single.” “A crush then?” “Something like that,” you mumbled, your fingers nervously playing with the hem of your jacket. “Talk to him. Or her. Or them,” Johnny advised. “I really can’t,” you sighed, “He doesn’t even know I exist.” “Well you don’t need to confess your undying love for him,” he laughed, not knowing he was the boy in question, “Just you know. Casually talk to him. Get to know him.” “I’ll try?” “Is that a question?” “Yeah?” “Have more confidence in yourself,” he gently nudged you, “You’re nice and very easy to talk to.” “Nice... Wow.” “Shut up,” he laughed, “I usually give better compliments but I have yet to get to know you better.” “Would you... Would you even want that?” “Sure,” Johnny shrugged and your heart skipped a couple of beats, “I have to get going or everybody will already be drunk when I arrive. So... I’ll see you in class? And you’ll hear me on Sunday?” “Yeah sure. Don’t drink too much or you will be miserable all show like last week,” you giggled. “Don’t remind me,” he groaned, “I’m never going to drink tequila on a Saturday ever again.” “Goodbye Johnny,” you smiled, really liking how his name sounded when you said it out loud. “Bye,” he waved before going his way.
Once you were sure he was out of hearing distance, you let out a little happy squeak and jumped up and down excitedly. You did it. You had actually done it. You had talked to your crush. And managed to not make a complete fool out of yourself in front of him. Which was a win in your books. A huge win. With a little spring in your steps, you stepped by one of your favorite pizza places to treat yourself before heading home where you spend your evening daydreaming about none other than Johnny while watching reruns of old dramas.
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“Hi, I’m Jae-D.” “And I am John-D. Welcome to NCT-“ “Night Night.” “John-D.” “Yes, Jae-D,” Johnny chuckled. “It’s Thursday again which means it’s time to tend to our listener’s worries,” Jaehyun read off of the script, not getting distracted by his friend’s antics, “And today is a very special episode.” “Special?” Jaehyun barely repressed to roll his eyes at his friend’s over-exaggerated acting before continuing: “Yes, since tomorrow is a day off for all students, we have decided to make this episode extra lengthy and-“ he shortly stopped to flash the camera a peace sign, “Viewable despite it being Thursday.” “Do we look okay?” Johnny laughed, checking himself out in the video that was playing on one of their monitors. “Aaaaah, the comments say we look good tonight, thank you,” Jaehyun mused.
And they really did. Not that either of them had to do a whole lot to look good but today they were both wearing white button-downs with their sleeves rolled up to expose their forearms. Jaehyun had even gone so far as to put on some fake glasses. “And if you’re following us on our Twitter you also already know that this week it’s all about love on our campus radio and our show today is no exception,” Johnny read his part of the script. “Today John-D and Jae-D are Loveholics, trying our very best to help you with your problems surrounding love,” Jaehyun completed, “You can send in song recommendations through the hashtag JohnJaeLoveholic just like taryn1026 did – I hope I said that right – but they recommended Paris in the Rain by Lauv to set the mood for today.”
The soft tunes of the song made you relax a little into your sofa where you had chosen to watch today’s episode of NCT Night Night. You had to say that you were kind of nervous for today’s episode. Just like every week you had written your letter to Johnny, telling him about your week and cheering him on for your group project. At this point it should have been pretty obvious just who exactly you were and judging by how Johnny was acting towards you, his flirting leaving you flustered after your study sessions and your group mates mildly annoyed, he seemed to already have put together the pieces. But yesterday while writing your letter you had felt extra bold (and maybe also extra riled up and horny from Johnny’s shameless flirting) and had written him a message that should confirm all his suspicions and would hopefully lead him straight to you and into your bed. But until the end of the show or at least until they read your letter, which you really hoped they did today as well, you had to wait sitting in your apartment, for once not in comfortable clothes but in a nice shirt and pants.
“That was Paris in the Rain by Lauv, recommended to us by taryn1026 through our Twitter with the hashtag JohnJaeLoveholic,” Johnny’s raspy voice filled your apartment when he leaned close to the mic, “Jae-D are you ready to make some love happen?” “I already had my love juice,” Jaehyun answered, showing his pink Starbucks drink to the camera, “And my reading glasses are on.” As to prove his point, he hiked his glasses up his nose before scratching his eye through the holes in the frame, making both DJs chuckle. For the next hour Johnny and Jaehyun tried to solve several relationship dramas as well as a very tricky friends-with-benefits situation and telling a boy to break up with his cheating girlfriend which had been a rather heartbreaking discussion. “So after this,” Jaehyun sighed, “Let’s play another song recommendation. Burtonized has sent in a very fitting song, I hope you all don’t mind a little Korean: It’s God Damn by I.M – a song about heartbreak.”
While the foreign song was playing, the two DJs stretched their backs and sipped on their respective drinks: Jaehyun still on his pink sugar concoction and Johnny already on his second iced Americano. Jaehyun must have found something funny on his phone, nudging his friend to look at him but Johnny was busy typing away on his own, only acknowledging his friend after he had typed his message. Just after that, your own phone buzzed with a message, showing Johnny’s name on the screen.
From: Johnny Are you watching our show?
To: Johnny Sure, you look good today
From: Johnny Make sure to listen closely ;)
“That was God Damn by I.M suggested by burtonized over our Twitter hashtag JohnJaeLoveholic,” Jaehyun’s smooth voice tore you from your spiraling thoughts about the winking face Johnny had sent. “Sadly our show is coming to an end even with our extended airtime.” “But John-D a very important letter is still missing before we close our show. Dare I say it could be the highlight of our show,” Jaehyun joked, already playing the cheesy music he was always playing when Johnny would read your letters. “You’re right Jae-D my lovely secret admirer has sent in another letter,” Johnny mused, arranging himself so he could read the printed out letter while being as close as possible to the mic for it to pick up the rasp in his voice, “Happy Thursday John-D, I hope your week has been more exciting than mine. I have just been going from class to class without much thought, the only high points are my group meetings for the group project we have to hand in soon – That seems very familiar, baby – But since today is all about love, I’ll tell you about a little problem I have: – get your love juice ready, Jae – There is this boy in my group. And boy isn’t really the right word to describe him, he’s a man really,” at that Johnny couldn’t hold back a low chuckle, “I’m sorry, I’ll be serious – And he is flirting with me. Has been for a couple of weeks now. And it has gotten to the point where our groupmates are kind of annoyed at us. He has also walked me home a couple of times but he never so much as touched me. At this point I am so frustrated with him. Is he just playing with me? Or is his mouth bigger than his actions actually are? He has been riling me up all day today and I was ready to let him have his way with me but he only wished me goodnight and left again, leaving me to deal with what he had done all by myself – oh wow, I,” Johnny stuttered, sharing a gaze with his friend who was only barely repressing his laughter, “Wow, okay, I hope we’re in the good for reading this out and it’s late enough,” clearing his voice and raking a hand through his hair, Johnny continued, “John-D I hope this man hears what he has done to me and will deal with the consequences of his actions. Would you play Animal by Jin Yosef and RIELL for me? Just in case this letter hasn’t gotten my point across? – Y... Yeah sure, darling. We’ll play that once our show is over.”
“So John-D,” Jaehyun grinned while loudly slurping on his ‘love juice’, “What would you advice your secret admirer to do about this problem?” “Well if I were her,” Johnny started, his gaze going straight to the camera where he knew you were watching and it felt like he was looking straight into your soul, “I’d wait for him. I’m pretty sure he can prove that his actions speak even louder than his words.” For a while it was quiet between the two DJs, safe for Jaehyun’s obnoxiously loud slurping noises but even if they would have been saying anything, you weren’t sure if you could have comprehended any words with how furiously your heart was beating. “Anyways,” Jaehyun eventually broke the silence once he was sure there was nothing left in his ‘love juice’, “I’m afraid that was it for tonight. This has been your extra lengthy episode of Jae-D and John-D and we will leave you with this wonderful song recommendation: Animal by Jin Yosef and RIELL. If you’ve liked today’s show, we’re here every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday night on your campus radio on 127mHz to listen to all of your worries on NCT-“ “Night Night,” Johnny joined in and they both waved into the camera as your song of choice started playing. The video stream didn’t cut off immediately, showing the boys gathering their things and if your eyes weren’t betraying you, you swore you saw Johnny tense up when the song turned a little more explicit. The two DJs waved to the camera one last time before the stream cut off, leaving the screen of your laptop dark.
That was when it dawned on you what you had done. Shit. With how Johnny had sounded, you probably had about fifteen to twenty minutes until he would be at your doorstep. Oh god. Shit. Taking a couple of deep breaths, you tried to ground yourself before hurriedly closing your laptop and cleaning everything that seemed messy in your little one-room apartment. That was until you heard a knock on your door.
With shaky hands, you slowly opened the door and while you knew who would be standing on the other side, you weren’t ready for how he was going to look like: Johnny was leaning against the doorway casually with his arms crossed over his chest so the tight button-down he was wearing would strain over the planes of his chest muscles but what really reeled you in was how dark his eyes looked when he raked them over your body. “Good evening miss,” he drawled. “Hi,” you breathed. “Tell me what you want so I’m not misinterpreting any of this,” Johnny all but growled, one of his hands coming up to cup your face. “I want you to have me.” If you thought his eyes were dark before, they turned into bottomless black orbs once the words had left your lips. “You don’t know what you’re asking for, baby.” “Please,” you whimpered and that seemed to break Johnny’s resolve as he pulled you close to him and all but crashed his lips into yours. The kiss wasn’t delicate in any way, shape or form with how Johnny was licking into your mouth the second a moan left your lips. His tongue was intertwining with yours messily and in no time both of you were panting into each other’s mouths. “Inside. Now,” you rasped. “All with due time,” Johnny chuckled but let you pull him into your apartment, slamming the door shut to crowd you against it, one of his strong thighs slipping between your legs like it belonged there, “If you’re a good girl and listen well, I’ll give you anything you want.” “Fuck,” you cursed before slamming your lips together again, a new neediness bleeding into the kiss as you tugged on the longer strands of hair at the back of Johnny’s neck which made him growl lowly. “Anything off-limits?” Johnny breathed into your skin as he kissed down your neck to suck a mark there while his hands were busy pulling your shirt from your pants so he could rake them over your naked skin. “Just,” you had to cut yourself off with a moan, “Don’t be mean to me.” “Never,” he promised, “You’ll be my pillow princess.” His sweet words were in stark contrast to how hard his hands were gripping your hips and how his teeth were grazing over your neck that must be littered with marks already. “Take me to bed,” you heaved breathlessly, positive your legs would give out if it wasn’t for Johnny holding you up.
Listening to your demand, he slowly started walking you backwards towards your bed until the two of you were toppling down on top of the covers, his lips never leaving your skin. Whoever had spread the rumors about Johnny being a great lover had been absolutely right, he knew just how to touch you to have you gasping for air and judging by the grin on his lips he hadn’t even started yet. “Please,” you whimpered, arching into his touch, not exactly sure what exactly you were asking for but Johnny seemed to know all the better when he freed you from your top and pants to leave you in your matching lace set while he was still fully clothed in his by now wrinkled button-up and pants. “All for me?” He chuckled and pressed a kiss right between the valley of your breasts, his big hands cupping the soft flesh to squeeze it gently. “Have me,” you gasped out and you could feel the growl he let out vibrating where you were pressed together. “I’m going to ruin you,” Johnny promised, pulling down the cups of your bra to wrap his plush lips around one of your nipples to tease the soft nub until it hardened under his ministrations, sending waves of pleasure down your spine and straight to your core where you could feel your wetness starting to seep into the fabric of your panties. “Johnny,” you mewled and arched into his every touch, his calloused fingertips setting your skin alight when he let them travel down your body to tease over your lower stomach. As if by reflex, you let your thighs fall open for him to finally touch you where you needed him the most. “Such a good girl,” he smiled, blowing cold air over your spit-slicked nipple to watch you squirm beneath him. Your remark got stuck in your throat when he finally cupped you through your panties, feeling how damp the fabric had already become. “Naughty,” he chuckled, his eyes never leaving your face as he circled your clit through the fabric, watching your eyes fluttering shut when his gaze became too intense.
“Johnny,” you sighed, forgetting all other words except for his name. “Relax, princess,” he rasped and kissed his way down your body, leaving love bites on the sensitive skin of your stomach and thighs that shook with anticipation. If you’d say you hadn’t dreamed about his lips on you like this, you would lie and you weren’t going to miss the sight of this for nothing. Fighting back the fog that had started to cloud your mind, you forced your eyes open to look down to where he had settled between your open thighs to find him staring right back at you. “Good girl,” he praised you again before pressing a kiss over your clothed sex that made your head fall back already, the anticipation of what was to come making you push up your hips which made Johnny chuckle lowly. He didn’t leave you any time to feel embarrassed by how needy you were when he hooked your panties to the side unceremoniously and licked a broad stripe up your center, tasting your arousal. “Oh fuck,” you breathed out, your hands flying down to tangle them in the long strands of his hair. Johnny worked his tongue in slow and clever strokes, leaving your mind reeling with pleasure and taking his time to take you apart piece by piece, not even paying attention to your leaking center or your aching clit. But when he did wrap his lips around your clit to gently suck on the nub, your mind almost went numb with how intense his touch was, your thighs clamping shut around him. To make it even worse, he started humming around you while prying your thighs back open, holding you down with his large hands. You felt your orgasm approach almost embarrassingly fast now that he was altering between teasing your clit with his tongue, lips and even his teeth and fucking your velvety walls with his tongue, setting your nerve endings on fire. “Johnny I’m close,” you warned him but instead of slowing down, he stretched his jaw wide to press his tongue further into you, his nose bumping into your clit in the process and with the combined sensation and his doubled effort, it took no time for your first orgasm of the night to wash over you, a scream of his name leaving your lips as you shook through it, your mind going equally as numb as your legs.
When you came back to it, Johnny had straightened up between your legs and he was grinning down at you while he was unbuttoning his shirt, his face still shiny with your arousal. “That was the first one,” he spoke darkly. “Come here,” you whined, making grabby hands for him until he took pity on you and covered your body with his before connecting your lips in a bruising kiss. You could still taste yourself on his lips but that somehow just made it even hotter.
“Want you inside me,” you panted against his lips when Johnny broke the kiss in favor of raking his teeth over your racing pulse. “Yeah?” He rasped and ground his hips down into yours, making you feel him strain against the fabric of his pants. “Need it,” you moaned at the sweet friction. “Think you can take me?” He laughed as he leaned back on his hunches to pop open the button of his pants, pulling down the zipper agonizingly slow. With wide eyes you watched him push his pants down his narrow hips, leaving him in just his navy boxers that showed the sizable imprint of his hard cock, the fabric against the head dark from where he had leaked precum. Chuckling, he stroked over the outline and just the sight alone made your mouth water. “Show me,” you breathed, spreading your thighs so he could see your needy core, clenching around nothing. “Hmm,” he hummed, dragging one of his fingers that wasn’t preoccupied with teasing himself through the mess of arousal and his saliva between your legs, only barely dipping it into you to feel the muscles trying to suck him inside. “Don’t tease me,” you whined high in your throat. “But I like seeing you squirm,” Johnny grinned but took mercy on you and sunk his finger into you up to the knuckle, gently pumping it inside you. Still sensitive from how intense your last orgasm had been, you were torn between pulling away and wanting more but Johnny made the decision for you when he pulled his finger out, wiping your arousal onto your thigh.
“Eyes on me,” he commanded and finally freed his cock from his briefs. “Fuck.” The curse left your lips without even noticing at the sight of his flushed cock, too heavy to properly stand up against his toned abs. The tip was tinted red and shiny with precum that Johnny generously spread down that whole length, his eyes not leaving yours as you watched him lazily jerk himself. “Like what you see?” You eagerly nodded your head. “Want it inside me.” “Yeah? Show me.”
Throwing all caution out of the window, you quickly sucked two of your fingers between your lips before guiding them to your weeping core to slip them inside you, letting out an over-exaggerated moan as you crooked them. “Oh you’re so naughty, baby,” Johnny groaned, squeezing the base of his cock tightly as he watched you fingering yourself and if you had even one coherent thought left in your head, you’d have the decency to be embarrassed because of how intensely he was staring. “It’s not enough,” you pouted, pulling your fingers free and spreading them to look at the slick covering them, “I’m so wet for you.” “Such a dirty mouth,” he groaned, quickly grabbing his pants to fish a condom from his wallet to roll over his hard length. “Please, Johnny,” you hiccupped, winding your legs around his waist to pull him closer to you. “Sssh, princess,” he soothed you, running his hands over your torso before bending down to press tender kisses to your stomach, “I’ll take care of you.” “Please kiss me.”
Dropping his elbows next to your head to support his weight, he covered your body with his and caught your lips in a kiss much too tender for your current situation, taking his time to explore your mouth until you were perfectly pliant beneath him. “Tell me if it hurts,” he whispered into the small space between you while he snaked a hand between your bodies to guide his cock to your core. When the head slipped in without much resistance, both of you let out twin moans of pleasure. Painstakingly slowly Johnny pushed inside you, centimeter by centimeter until his hips were flush to yours. “Breathe, princess,” he reminded you because you indeed had held your breath and had buried your nails in his biceps. “Shit, you’re big,” you cursed. “So I’ve been told,” Johnny chuckled and peppered your face and neck with little kisses while he slowly ground his hips so you could get used to him inside you.
“Move,” you demanded after a while.   “What’s the magic word baby?” He grinned. “Please, Johnny,” you whimpered, clenching down on him. “Once more.” “Don’t make me beg.” “But you sound so pretty when you do,” he chuckled, only barely moving his hips. “Johnny please,” you whined, trying your best to move on his cock on your own but the angle was just not working out. “Oh, you want to do the work?” “I want you to move,” you groaned, pawing at his chest.
“But I think you’d look so pretty riding my cock,” Johnny rasped and in one fluid movement, he had sat up and pulled you onto his lap. Shit, it felt like he was even deeper now. “Come on, princess.” Whining, you wound your arms around his shoulders and pulled your legs beneath you so you could lift your hips up to make his cock smoothly slide out, the friction just right before you slowly dropped back down again, earning you an appreciative groan from Johnny. “That’s right, baby,” he praised you as you slowly found a comfortable pace, swiveling your hips until the angle was just right. Tightening the grip you had on his shoulders to use it as leverage, you began riding him in earnest, impaling yourself on his cock over and over again until your head was spinning and your thighs started to burn. “Come on, doll,” Johnny grinned, catching one of your nipples between his lips. Whining, you rolled your hips faster until your thighs began shaking. “Need help?” He just grinned, his big hands holding onto your hips to help you move up and down his cock at a steadier pace. “Please Johnny,” you hiccupped, hiding your face in his neck to ground yourself, “Please fuck me.” “Am I not doing just that?” He chuckled, filthily grinding his cock inside you. “Do it right,” you panted into his skin, “Fuck me like you mean it.”
“Then get on your hands and knees for me, baby.” He didn’t have to tell you twice, it was almost comical how quickly you obeyed his command and arched your back for him. “Hmm, that’s it,” he praised you, tracing the curve of your spine with his hands until he reached the space between your shoulder blades where he gently pushed down to make you arch even further. “So good and pliant for me, just waiting to be filled.” “Please,” you just whined again, past the point of caring about how pathetic you sounded, begging for his cock. “Say it baby,” he demanded, slapping his cock against your wet folds. “Please fuck me Johnny. Please. I want your cock inside me so badly. Want you to fuck me until I can’t even remember my own name anymore. Please I need it. I-“ your frantic rambling got cut off by the surprised moan leaving your lips as he thrust into you without any warning. “Don’t hold back baby,” Johnny rasped before gripping your hips tightly to finally fuck you in earnest, the sound of skin slapping together loud in the otherwise silent room. “God, your ass looks amazing,” he moaned, burying himself in your tight heat over and over again, mesmerized by how his cock was glistening in the low light and how easily your body opened up for him, “You’re basically made to take my cock.” You could only mewl at his dirty words and fist the sheets tightly in your hands as you tried to meet his thrusts as best as you could while you felt like you got your soul fucked right out of you.
“Feels so good,” you slurred when you felt the familiar knot in your stomach ready to snap, clenching around Johnny’s cock. “God baby, if you keep clenching like that I’m gonna cum,” Johnny cursed, grabbing you by the neck to pull you up against his chest, the pace of his hips only getting faster. “Please Johnny. Want it inside,” you whined, letting him use your body how he wanted to relish in the low moans he let out. “You want me to fill you up baby?” “Want it so bad, Johnny,” you mewled. “Then cum for me. Cum on my cock and I’ll give you anything you want.” And oh god. You had never thought that the strained sound of a couple of words could be enough to actually trip you over the edge but the rasp in Johnny’s voice had you falling apart in his arms, your orgasm ripping through you so hard it had your thighs shaking. “Such a good girl,” Johnny praised you before he let out a low guttural moan and fucked into you once – then twice – before his hips came to a halt, emptying his cum inside the condom.
For a while you two just panted loudly before Johnny gently laid you back down onto the mattress, chuckling lowly when you whined at the loss of his cock. “Shit,” you giggled while he quickly got rid of the condom, throwing it in the general direction of your trashcan. So tender you could have missed it, Johnny pressed a row of kisses down your spine until he reached the swell of your ass. “Cuddle me,” you pouted, making grabby hands at him. “We’re sweaty, princess,” he laughed but gave in when you kept pouting. “I don’t care,” you whined, fitting your head beneath his, wrapping your arms and legs around his body to cling to him like a koala. “You’re cute,” he smiled, pressing his lips to your forehead.
“For how long did you know?” “Know what?” Johnny asked, clearly confused. “That I was your secret admirer.” “I didn’t.” “It was so obvious,” you groaned. “Okay maybe I got a hunch after we started that group project. But you never said anything.” “What was I supposed to say? Oh Johnny, by the way, I’m the one who has been writing you cringey love letters for like half a year already. Please go out with me?” That made Johnny laugh, the sound melodic in the quiet of your room. “I would have said yes, you know?” He spoke lowly, “I’ll miss your letters.” “What makes you think I will stop writing them?” “Because you can tell me all that stuff in person now when we go on dates.” “We’ll go on dates?” “That’s what people do when they like each other, princess,” Johnny chuckled, “And I really like you. Both as my secret admirer and my classmate.” “Oh my god stop,” you whined, hiding your hot face in his chest, feeling shy all of a sudden while Johnny was just laughing.
“I like you too,” you eventually mumbled once it had gotten quiet again. “I figured,” he teased you. “I changed my mind,” you immediately shot back, rising from where you were cuddled into his chest but every other protest died on your tongue when you saw his dreamy expression, his honey eyes finding yours and completely ignoring the fact that you were still very much naked. “Date me,” he said. “Okay,” you answered, easily meeting his lips in a sweet kiss that wouldn’t be the last one you two shared tonight.
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“Hello and welcome back, that was Middle Of The Night by Monsta X, suggested to us by raibebe through our Twitter with the hashtag JonJaeLoveTalk. We’re your DJ’s John-D.” “And Jae-D on NCT Night Night. Hello again to all of our listeners. John-D.” “Yes Jae-D,” Johnny chuckled, leaning back in his chair. “Something is off today. I looked through our mail and there was no letter from your secret admirer.” “Oh really,” he feigned surprise. “Either they didn’t send anything in or our director got sick of the pining.” “I can calm you right back down Jae-D,” Johnny smiled, “Because she simply doesn’t need to send any more letters. I finally found her.” “No way. For real? And you didn’t tell me? I have to find out through our radio show? Friendship is dead,” Jaehyun sighed dramatically and you couldn’t help but chuckle. “Jae-D you know you’ll always be the number one in my heart, you know that.” At that Jaehyun let out fake gagging noises that made both friends chuckle.
“No but for real. I finally found her and asked her out. It’s going great so yeah,” Johnny shrugged, “In case you’re listening baby: I’m dropping by later and bring sushi.” “This is so domestic already,” Jaehyun sighed dramatically, “Where is my secret admirer?” “Maybe you could find love as well if you stopped acting like the textbook example of a frat boy.” “What is that even supposed to mean?”
Smiling, you leaned back on your sofa and listened to your boyfriend bickering with his best friend. Boyfriend. That sounded good even though it still felt unreal. Love Letters weren’t dead after all it seemed.
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familyagrestefanblog · 8 months ago
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Theory for “Gabriel Agreste”
Saying that I'm EXCITED for this episode is an understatement, I'm THRILLED! So let me give you my speculation for what could happen in it and how it’ll affect the future, because pieces are literally just falling into place in my brain and I just have to write this down.
The episode is called" Gabriel agreste" because in this episode Gabriel will create a (long time) Sentimonster for himself that'll take his place and cover for him in his civilian life while he himself gets completely swallowed by his Hawkmoth/ShadowMoth identity (which is a direct paralell to the fate Marinette just escaped by telling Alya her secret). He doesn't want to "waste" anymore unnecessary time by having to NOT be Hawkmoth, which then completely separates him from Adrien who very much was one of the last (if not THE LAST at this point) few strings that kept him grounded in his humanity.
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The episode takes place right before the middle of the season and since it's season 4 we are talking about here its fair to assume that both Adrien and Gabriel are back at (at least) suspecting each other to be Chat Noir and Hawkmoth again at some point. Adrien is going to be even more rebellious after the status quo break and set up of "Lies" so him maybe (or maybe even confirmed already to Gabriel) to be Chat Noir could definitely be the factor that sets Gabriel over the edge, rips these two apart for good (as I foresaw in my analysis of "Jackady") and brings Gabriel to distance himself altogether while covering his own identity from his son by creating a Sentimonster (bc Adriens secret being discovered by his evil family is already forshadowed to hell and back, just like him ending up getting Homeschooled again this season, mark my words)
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"Queen Banana" is supposed to take place right before "Gabriel Agreste" and we have a leak where it's seen that Adrien is now kinda taking on Nathalies role since she is (supposedly) still bed ridden.
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Seriously, just humour me here and stay with me. This would mean that Adrien would get to see and interact with his father much more often and Gabriel wouldn't be able to ditch everything and turn into Hawkmoth as easily as he was able to with Nathalie.
A cover up Sentimonster was actually already kinda forshadowed in "Party Crasher"
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by introducing HoloGabe with the intention of providing Gabriel with alibis and to attend meetings etc for him in the future so Gabriel can invest more time into being Hawkmoth. But a Hologramm is not suitable for every occasion, which is where the Sentimonster comes into play.
At first Adrien wouldn't notice much off about his father and the few things he notices Adrien actually doesnt mind. If SentiGabe is really supposed to replace Gabriel as... Well, Gabriel, that also means as a FATHER and my money is on SentiGabe being created to be a better father than the original. SentiGabe does everything Adrien wanted his father to do in s1-s3: Join Adrien at dinner time, spend more time with him, is in general in better of a mood and not such an unpleasant dick and so on and so on.
Easy to say, Adrien basically welcomes the good change he always wanted in his "Father" with open arms and chooses to ignore things that seem suspicious and the always remaining gut feeling of something just being... off. This will collide with the unveiling of more of the family (+ Emilie) mystery which will for Adrien all continue to point at Gabriel as Hawkmoth because of one event that is likely to happen in episode 4.
I'm currently writing on yet another post about this topic in particular, so I will link it HERE for elaboration once I post it, but in short, I think Rena Rouge and the Grimoire secrets Marinette shears with Alya could be the catalyst of Adrien suspecting his father to be Hawkmoth again.
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Adriens memories of the time he went through the Grimoire himself in "Volpina" would be triggered again after seing the Grimoire page Rena (honestly, quite recklessly) brings along into battle and from then on things will slowly pile up until Gabriel deflects from himself with SentiGabe in "Gabriel Agreste" (just like he did in “The Collector”)
People WAY to easily forget how ready and serious Adrien was in "The Collector" when he actually concidered his father to be Hawkmoth.
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Keep in mind that Ladybug was only able to tell Chat Noir the weakest reasons of her suspicion against Gabriel (while the Grimoire being Guardian property was NEVER found out by Adrien... til NOW) that being Gabriels mysterious personality and the butterfly logo of his brand.
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These arguments are weak because they are ONLY actually suspicious in the specific context of Gabriel being Hawkmoth. Once you have proof against that they hardly hold any ground anymore, hence why both Adrien AND Marinette so easily brushed off these points after seeing Gabriel akumatized. I mean, excuse a designer for choosing a BUTTERFLY as his logo when his last name is literally the name of a butterfly type. The fuck kind of accusation is that??
So I hope you understand that when I say that, yes, these reasons DID trigger further memories/realizations for Adrien in that moment
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It simply was only the tip of the iceberg.
The fact that Adrien not only gave Ladybug the fucking benefit of a doubt and heared her out about accusing his FATHER of being HAWKMOTH and took it THAT seriously and wanted to find out if his father truly IS Hawkmoth means that Adrien very much sees his father as capable of being Paris villain Nr 1. This... understanding and acceptance of Gabriels nature already had to be in Adrien much prior to "the collector" to set it off like this. And while normally Adrien chooses to turn a blind eye towards his fathers bad qualities in favor of seeing Gabriels redeeming (and even the rare somewhat GOOD) qualities, Adrien only does so because he thinks Gabriel hasn't crossed the line yet that makes his father undeserving of these loving conciderations. But Gabriel being Hawkmoth IS CROSSING that line for Adrien and he immediately sets aside his remaining/choosen love for his heavily flawed father and willingly sees Gabriel for what he is.
Adrien already did it once with only a few somewhat solid reasons and the Grimoire being kept secret from him altogether,
So he will do it again, just this time the proofs and developments are supposed to stay for good.
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This development would not only be forshadowed by "the collector"
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But also by the episode "Ladybug". There Mayura used a Sentimonster version of Ladybug against Chat Noir, using their love against him. What she didn't know though was that Ladybug actually isn't in love with her partner (yet) which ended up with Chat Noir being put in the situation of having to decide which Ladybug he believes to be real.
Does he believe and hold onto Sentibug who returns the love he so desperately seeks in life or does he let go of his hopeful wish and accept the heartbreaking reality of once again not receiving his love in return from yet another person he holds so dear?
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In "Ladybug" Adrien couldn't make that crushing decision yet (and don't clown in the replies about this, not only was the situation vastly different it's also a cruel thing to ask of Adrien) but as we are used from Miraculous by now, that episode was only the set up for future events.
What Adrien couldn't let himself believe about Ladybug and Sentibug he will have to FORCE himself to accept about his Father and Hawkmoth. Same set-up of the Sentimonster symbolising Adriens desperate and hopeful WISH what his loved one were vs the crushing, heart wrenching reality of what his loved ones actually ARE. Just that letting go of his wish for Ladybugs love didnt seem "necessary enough" for the mission to succeed so he just couldn't MAKE himself give her up whereas accepting and seeing that his father is Hawkmoth is going to be one of the most crucial sacrifices of the show, changing the game forever. So as horrible, cruel and soul shattering as this is, putting an end to his fathers villainous reign for the sake of the greater good is a reason worthy enough to force himself through his pain.Which brings us once again back to “The collector” (which seriously forshadows almost everything I love that episode), because there is ONE major aspect that episodes sets up like crazy
And that is:
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And thats where we are heading now.
This entire time Adrien wanted his Father to behave more fatherly, spend more time with him and improve his explosive behavior but he always got disappointed over and over again. So how heartbreaking would it be if over the course of the second half of the season THIS would be the very reason why Adrien gets behind Gabriels secret? Because SentiGabe behaved too fatherly for Adrien to truly buy it in his heart and when forced to decide what he actually believes his father to be - like the fatherly Sentimonster or the villainous Hawkmoth - Adrien has to and WILL recognize and accept his fathers true nature and turn against him, as it has been set up for a LONG time now.
This season shit’s about to go DOWN!
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comradekatara · 4 months ago
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atla is perfect as is and doesnt need another season. HOWEVER if you could write a "tales of ba sing se" type episode set in republic city, following adult gaang, what would it look like?
okay first of all, i just wanna say that i fully agree with your prefacing statement. we’ve all seen people claim there should’ve been a fourth season, and this betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of how narrative structure works. atla is a show with a telos, and it has a perfectly-plotted three-season arc. part of what makes it so great is how tightly-plotted and cohesive the narrative is, and any sort of fourth season would have been unnecessary pandering that dragged down the show. do I want to see the gaang fixing the world together? of course! does that mean we should have? no! the fact that the show leaves something to be desired is a good thing, because it means we are attached to the characters and the world. but every story needs an ending. and atla’s ending was plotted from the very beginning. HOWEVER, your question is very fun and i am excited to answer it!!!! (sorry it took like a year and a half…… haha yeesh)
so “the tales of ba sing se” is structured with character-driven vignettes wherein the character development is largely minimal, yet still serves to inform the audience about these characters in a way we might never have otherwise realized. since the original episode requires the environment of ba sing se, I’m going to use ba sing se again to ground it, since if the adult gaang were to return to that city, it would serve a character-driven function. if you’ve read my post-show azula arc outline (which still slaps btw), then you know I enjoy displacing time for the purpose of prioritizing theme, which in this case, is character-driven vignettes set in the city. this means that unlike the original episode, these vignettes don’t take place all in the span of one day, but could even take place over the span of years (and will not be presented in a linear fashion), all grounded in the fact that it involves the gaang going back to ba sing se.
without further ado, five non-linear vignettes of the gaang as adults in ba sing se:
the tale of katara & zuko (aka, katara takes her other grumpy gay friend out for a spa day): we open on katara waking up in a fancy hotel room in the middle ring. she does the whole cliche thing of getting ready, brushing her hair exactly 100 times (she’s counting under her breath), braiding it, stretching, looking out the window with a contented smile on her face. and then she barges into the adjacent room and yells “ZUKO WAKE UP!” and throws a pillow at his face even though by this point he’s already awake and has just been staring blankly at the wall for hours. katara informs zuko (and the audience) that this is the one day a year that they both get the day off to hang out. zuko points out that they’re not here on vacation, they’re here for the annual global summit, and as world leaders, they are obligated to attend. katara points out that that starts tomorrow which means they have all of today to do nothing together. zuko’s like “yeah that’s why i was planning on sleeping the whole day???” but katara insists that they can’t just sleep during their one day to themselves in ba sing se. zuko relents because he knows better than to say no to katara ever. “woo!! girls day out!!!” “i’m literally not a– okay whatever.” so she takes zuko to the same spa she took toph all those years ago (“toph came here with you?” “yeah it was great she loved it”) and they get mani-pedis and facials and zuko is like “wait you’re supposed to slice the cucumber before putting it over your eyes??? no wonder i didn’t think your advice was helping!” (“wait you were just…. putting a whole cucumber on your head and hoping that something would happen…????” “well you never specified–”) and katara spends like half an hour deliberating over whether she should paint her nails ocean blue with eggshell water tribe decals or sky blue with ivory water tribe decals, and you can tell that they’re both having a great time as they walk back together once the day’s ended. they’re headed to the jasmine dragon to see iroh. only, “that’s weird. it’s closed. there’s no one here.” suddenly, zuko remembers. “oh. I know where my uncle is.” “do you want me to come with you, or…?” “no, that’s okay, thanks.” “okay. i’ll see you back at the hotel.” “see you back at the hotel.” they hug. “thanks katara. I had fun today.” they smile at each other. as katara walks away, she waves, showing off her newly painted nails.
the tale of sokka (aka, sokka joins the white lotus): different time, same “sorry, we’re closed” sign in front of the jasmine dragon. sokka looks confused, and reads over the letter he got from piandao for the fiftieth time that week. sokka, meet me at the jasmine dragon this friday at noon. bring the pai sho tile i once gave you. sincerely, piandao. it’s exactly twelve o’clock, and it’s definitely friday. he has the tile in his other hand. confused, he walks into the teashop, knowing that iroh won’t mind that he’s entered. the room is completely dark, save for a crack of light under a floorboard in the kitchen. sokka crouches down, realizing that he can faintly hear the sound of voices from beneath the floor. and he can swear he just heard his name. something fishy is going on here, and he doesn’t like it. sokka reaches for his boomerang, and uses it to pry open the floorboards, which are suspiciously already loose. he finds a very conveniently located secret passage underneath the kitchen floor, and with his hand on his sword, he descends the steps into a secret room being guarded by a vaguely familiar looking man. “password?” he says gruffly. sokka rummages around for his pai sho tile, which he had pocketed during the confusion. “uh…. I have this?” a sigh. “good enough,” and he opens the door. as sokka enters, pakku says, “you’re late.” “it’s like two minutes after twelve!” sokka protests. “exactly,” responds pakku. piandao, who is sitting as far away from pakku as possible, beams at him. sokka is less enthused. “master piandao, what’s going on?” he asks. “what do you think is going on?” iroh responds. “well obviously you guys are having one of your little pai sho tournaments, but what’s with the... vibe?” in fairness, it is a distinctly weird vibe. “do you think all our ancient organization does is play pai sho?” pakku asks. sokka gestures to the pai sho board in the middle of the table, and the white lotus tile in his hand, and the paintings on the walls of various old men playing pai sho; “i mean, it does seem like a pretty big part of it.” iroh laughs. “so i don’t suppose you’d want to join our secret society?” he asks. sokka cringes as he says, “look, i don’t want to seem ungrateful. this is a great honor and all, but i have a lot on my plate right now, and i don’t really have time to sit around playing pai sho with you guys.” “we’ll do our best to accommodate your schedule,” piandao promises, at the same time that pakku yells, “this is not some trivial pai sho club! we are members of an ancient society dedicated to helping the avatar achieve his vision of balance & harmony from behind the scenes!” and sokka’s like “okay, well, i’ve literally been doing that, for like, forever….” (piandao mutters “that’s literally what i said” under his breath with a pointed glare at pakku) “...but if that’s all you need me to do, and the hours are flexible, then yeah, i guess i can join.” iroh smiles knowingly, a twinkle in his eye. “then welcome, sokka,” he says, “to the order of the white lotus.”
the tale of appa (and aang is there too): to put it plainly, aang is a not a fan of ba sing se. sure, he likes the bustle of big city, and the sheer number of people (every stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet!), but their lifestyle bothers him. there are literally walls dividing people. no community, no conversation. still, he’s here on official avatar duties, and it at least helps him feel better knowing that appa and momo are by his side. he’s flying around with them over the lower ring, waving to kids who gasp and point at the avatar. even if hardly his favorite place in the world, he is fond of parts of the lower ring, where families live and work, where kids go to school and play together. aang lands in an open spot of street and greets all the kids too impolite not to crowd him. one kid asks aang if, now that he’s here, he can bring his family enough supplies to care for their new baby, since he heard that the avatar helps people, and they definitely need help. and aang’s like “i mean… i’m not really sure what i can do, but you’re right, i am the avatar, so i will help you.” and he goes with the kid back to his house and meets his mother, who can still barely walk due to just having given birth less than a week ago, and three other kids running around the house like maniacs as a newborn infant wails in the background. so aang asks the mother what she needs, and makes a list of supplies to collect and bring back to her. he flies on appa into the middle ring, and asks any kind faces he sees for donations. because he’s the avatar, and he is also just so earnest and charming, they all comply and give him everything on his list and then some. he brings it back to the woman and her family, and by the time she’s thanked him for all of his help, her kids have told their friends that the avatar can give you whatever you want! and soon enough all the kids in the lower ring are making lists for aang of requests that they have, mostly basic supplies for their families or books for school (and one or two requests for a pet flying lemur). aang spends the entire day flying around on appa trying to fulfill all the requests on the lists. he knows it won’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things, won’t fix the systemic class inequality of this city, or the structures in place that enable such wealth divides, but seeing the joy on each of those kids’ faces every time he comes back having brought them what they needed (minus the flying lemurs, unfortunately) makes his day that much brighter, and that’s worth something too.
the tale of mai (aka, open mic night at the jasmine dragon): inspired by his nephew’s initiative to promote the arts in the fire nation, iroh decides to host an open mic night of his own at the jasmine dragon. he really wants his tea shop to be a safe space where people can share their poetry, their music, and their stories together. plus, he misses those days on the boat where he and the crew would dance around deck and play music and sing. toph wants to support her uncle (“he’s not your uncle, toph” “he’s basically my uncle”) and she makes sokka, mai, suki, and ty lee come with her, which they all immediately agree to because they love watching people embarrass themselves reading their terrible poetry. it is indeed every bit as awful as they hoped it would be, and they’re having a blast. until iroh comes up to their table, that is, and asks why aren’t any of them performing? after all, it would be a shame to waste this immense pool of talent. they all give bullshit excuses (“i would, but i have the flu.” “i… also have the flu. suki gave it to me, actually. thanks a lot, suki.” “i… have… stagefright….” “weren’t you in the cirus?” “and?”) but mai just flat out says, “yeah, no, i’m not doing that. because i don’t want to.” and iroh’s like “oh mai hahahaha you are so funny you simply MUST go up there and perform” and toph and suki are both like “yeah you simply MUST” and all but push her onto the stage. and mai, who isn’t used to actually having a platform, or being listened to, is just like “hi….? I guess? this is so stupid.” and her awkwardness is charming, so everyone laughs. and then mai…. keeps talking. just says whatever is on her mind. a conversation with herself, completely stream of consciousness, about whatever has been percolating in her brain that she never would’ve thought was worth saying out loud. and she’s so deadpan and witty and clever that the fact that she’s completely unprepared isn’t even a detriment, but a benefit. the audience is loving it. they’re all completely charmed by her. eventually she’s just like “okay… this is boring to me now. I’m gonna stop.” and just walks off the stage and goes to sit down next to her friends. and thus a star is born.
the tale of iroh (aka, iroh reconnects with his son): continuation of where we left zuko in the first vignette. caught up in katara’s successful mission to distract him from his depressed state that morning, zuko had actually almost forgotten what day it was. he walks up to the hill where lu ten was buried, and finds iroh sitting at the base of that tree, staring out at the cityscape before him. “hi, uncle,” zuko says softly, sitting beside him. iroh takes his hands and inspects them. “i like your nails,” iroh says in way of greeting. instead of getting defensive as he once would have, zuko just chuckles slightly as he looks down at his rainbow-colored nails and says, “yeah, they were katara’s idea. you know, like dragon fire.” iroh smiles a bit sadly. “oh, that’s nice, prince zuko.” zuko frowns. “I’m the firelord. I haven’t been a prince in years.” “oh, yes, that’s right.” iroh pats his cheek, which zuko slightly flinches at, but only because it’s something his mother used to do when he was little. “do you think lu ten would’ve been firelord now?” zuko asks in a small voice. as much as he’s grown into the role, he can’t help but feel that his cousin would have been better suited to it. “i don’t know,” says iroh, which is a lie, but it’s true. “i’m proud of both my sons equally.” (another lie – he’s prouder of zuko. but it’s lu ten’s birthday, so iroh feels like he ought to say it anyway.) zuko smiles at iroh, and the episode fades out as they sit together by the tree in still, solemn silence.
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iznrnz · 4 months ago
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I finally did it!!
Here are the parallels from The Millionaire Detective Balance: Unlimited and The Devil Judge.
Disclaimer:
The focus in the post is on the two pairs of main characters in the shows. This means I’m mostly comparing the four only and not the other characters. It doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention to the rest of the characters. You’ll see what I mean later.
You will see I don’t compare Yohan and Daisuke as much as Haru and Gaon but that’s because there’s a lot if I try to pick everything up.
So, let’s start off with the very first episodes.
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Pretty obvious one we got here. Both Gaon and Haru are the type to throw themselves in front of danger to protect others.
Both civil servants who became one to serve justice to people. Although Gaon might’ve become a judge due to Sunah’s scheme, it’s evident that he does his job for this purpose.
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Next up is food.
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I have to say this is my favorite parallel out of the ones I will mention. The domesticity here cannot be ignored.
If we compare the whole context it might be a bit different. But the point is that Daisuke and Yohan’s eating habits are now changed—Daisuke eats what he despised before and Yohan eats home cooked meals and no longer alone and it’s thanks to their “colleagues”.
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Now let’s dive into the plots—a third person being suspicious of the main protagonists. This is understandable considering both Yohan and Daisuke are ambitious and will do anything to get their way and are capable of doing so.
It’s quite difficult to compare these due to the difference in the amount of plot that has progressed when each of them happened.
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When this happened in the Devil Judge, we(both the viewers and the characters) have learnt little to nothing about Yohan. Gaon’s impression of Yohan was solely based on Min Jungho’s. This is why we don’t see much opposition from him on the matter. Although he questions his professor why he sees Yohan that way, we all know Min Jungho had too much influence on Gaon to refuse him.
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In FKBU, Haru has already seen what Daisuke is like(to some extent). Although Daisuke’s ways of solving cases are questionable, Haru believes that he means no harm and that Daisuke had reasons for his actions. So, we see Haru not quite wanting to look into this how Takei asked him to.
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Since the following set of scenes are actually different from one another, I almost didn’t add these as parallels but it’s too interesting to be left out.
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FKBU:
Here, Haru was still not given a clear answer if Daisuke was the one who controlled the car, but he believes he has a reason. He’s trying to get Daisuke to talk to him because he doesn’t want to just spy on him.
He now knows Daisuke was indeed the one who controlled the car but has yet to learn the reason.
The Devil Judge:
Gaon is almost sure the one who’s causing Min Jungho all those inconvenience wasn’t Yohan’s doing.
Although Gaon’s faith in Yohan is sort of wavering at this point, he still wants to believe Yohan is not the kind of person Min Jungho makes him to be.
So, here, the obvious similarity is that Haru/Gaon has faith in Daisuke/Yohan.
The difference is Haru tells Daisuke that he has faith in him and that he truly wants to know what all this matter is, while Gaon will not say anything about trusting Yohan in front of him and accuses him for things. Gaon defends Yohan behind his back, but communication is the key and Gahan is definitely not using it.
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Both Haru and Gaon lost important people of their lives. Both of them are desperate to find someone to blame it on and all the things they went through just lead them to blaming Daisuke and Yohan.
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The intensities of their realizations that the other wasn’t wrong do not match, but both of them reached a state of regret(of which their intensities differ).
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Picking bae up with a black luxury car after he chooses to stay by your side. Spare me the aesthetics sirs. And not to mention, Daisuke and Yohan be low key flexing.
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LAST BUT NOT LEAST!
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The stare™ of the finales.
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One more that I really liked. We all know that Daisuke/Yohan fell first and Haru/Gaon fell hard.
That’s it everyone. Hope you enjoyed it.
Also sorry for the mess. Everything is kinda all over the place.
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jello-in-my-bello · a year ago
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It’s time that we had a real conversation about Aang...
For the main character of a television series, Aang somehow almost always finds himself under-rated and dismissed in fans’ posts. You see all these posts and, when they do reference him, it’s usually accompanied by the phrases “immature” and “12-year-old boy.” I mean honestly, in some ATLA fans posts, it seems as if Aang’s name is almost synonymous with the word immaturity--and it’s been that way for years. I’ve always wondered why people discredited him. Was it because they saw his age and immediately ruled him out? Is it an excuse for Katara and Aang to have never happened? Was calling him the most immature character a way to bring up their favorite characters? Or did they simply get conditioned to think Aang was immature because everyone just... said he was? Well, I think Aang’s the most mature character (from start to finish) on the show, and Imma tell you why. 
I think that Book 1 Aang is the Aang that everyone has stuck in their head. We get introduced to Aang in a strange way: he’s a boy frozen in an iceberg, and the first thing he asks is to go penguin sledding. Then he boldly explores a fire navy ship after being told it might not be a great idea. This kid’s kinda stupid, we think. Why does he care about penguin sledding? Why does he explore something he is told not to? Then he stops at Kyoshi Island to ride the Unagi, then he stops at Omashu to ride the delivery service, and then he lets the gang stop at other locations—having mini adventures—without worrying about learning waterbending on any sort of timeline. Why does he choose to explore all these different places at first rather than master the four elements? Doesn’t he even care about being the Avatar? Ah... that’s right. He’s only 12. 
Except surmising his entire maturity (or lack thereof) to the fact that he stops for these adventures means that you are ignoring one glaring detail of the show: Airbender and nomad culture. Aang asking Katara to go penguin sledding instead of what year it was and taking his friends to all those random stops in B1 so that he can explore can not be chalked up to immaturity. Because then you are ignoring an entire culture. We don’t get to see a lot of airbenders, and I think that plays into the problem, but from what we do know, we learn that a critical part of their culture is that they travel. A lot. And experience different cultures. A lot. Think about all the different places he’s referenced going to 100 years ago in the series. Then think about all the friends he’s talked about having in these obscure places—and it always sounded like he visited them more than once. Traveling, experiencing different cities, and meeting new people was a part of him and a part of his culture. He wasn’t being a 12-year-old when he stopped to ride the Unagi or the delivery shoots in Omashu, he was being an air nomad
On a similar note, one of Aang’s most notable traits is saying, “Hey, check this out,” excitedly while doing some air bending trick that seems juvenile--like spinning marbles around or doing an air scooter.  People look at him doing this and his previously mentioned traits and go, “Oh, what a kid.” But here’s the thing: we can’t roll our eyes at his persistent need to show people marbles floating in the air or his air scooter. In the episode “Southern Air Temple,” we see Monk Gyatso—an extremely old, wise air bender—throwing cakes on other monks’ heads, and then we’re told throughout the series that Airbenders were known for their playful nature. Airbenders didn’t use their bending the same way other benders do. For example, Waterbenders might show off their skills by creating a giant wave and being like, “Look how cool!” (See: Katara, like every time she learns a new move.) We know Airbenders have some pretty powerful moves--we’ve seen the tornado Aang created, the air body imprint of Aang that slammed Zuko back--but they don’t show off those moves because they’re so combative and not so fun. They show off the good-natured side of air bending (ex: Gyasto’s staff surfing when he was a child).  So those marble/air scooter tricks can’t be watered down to 12-year-old immaturity. Because he’s not being a kid when he does those things, he’s being an Airbender. People also tend to look over the fact that he is a survivor of a genocide. You need to keep in mind that he is a living relic and the only example left of what his race was. So even later in the series when he continues to show people those tricks, he’s showing them not just for fun, but to keep his culture alive. And what do you think he’s going to show them: a tornado with random objects flying around in it or two marbles flying in his hands? Which is a better representation of Airbender culture?
Also, do not forget that Aang earned his arrows. Airbenders are not just regular benders; they are known for being especially enlightened. You don’t just need to be a master at airbending to get your arrows—you also need to be a master at their culture. Aang was an enlightened boi. Look at all the speeches that he gave as the series continued. He didn’t just magically become wise in the course of a few months because he had to fight the Firelord, he just tapped into what was always there and never showed. The maturity was always there, and the receipts are in the arrows. 
So, I’ve gone over why he’s not as immature as everyone thinks, but why do I think he’s the most mature on the show? It’s because his emotional maturity is freaking through the roof. He’s part of a genocide, his culture is mocked, the few things—his clothing and glider—that he had left from his home were completely destroyed, and he had to do something that severely went against what he believes in. And he almost never loses his shit. In fact, we only ever see him get actually upset (we’re not counting the Avatar state cause that’s a whole different thing) 3 times in the series: when he was telling Katara about how the monks wanted to take him away from Gyatso, the episode when Appa was stolen, and when he was explaining that no one understands the position he is in (in terms of killing Ozai). Think about how much we saw everyone else freak out over the course of the show? About even smaller things.
Katara and Zuko are generally accepted as the two most mature characters of the series. But why? Zuko is continuously snapping at everyone, and, yes, he matured. But he is not completely there yet. He still somewhat believes in revenge (See: Southern Raiders), and it’s only at the last episode of the series that he understands violence is not the answer. And Katara? She acts very mature towards everyone else, but when it comes to her own emotions? She’s a whole basket full of mess. (See: Southern Raiders, again. Or anytime she uses anger as her way to show she’s “passionate.”) A good way to showcase the difference between Aang and these two is realizing that all of them lost a parent from the war and analyzing at how they handled it. (For Zuko let’s focus on the idea that he never really had a father) Katara lost her mother, Zuko his father, and Aang his father, Gyatso. Throughout the series, losing their parent was a huge topic point for both Katara and Zuko so much so that it was as if they thought no one else had ever suffered. (Katara, we see you telling Sokka that he didn’t love your mom the same). Aang, however, acknowledges his pain, tells stories of Gyatso and uses him as an example of what he wants to live up to— eventually coming full circle at the end wearing Gyatso’s beads and an identical outfit. I can’t imagine a more mature way to handle what happened than that.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is, maturity isn’t based on how you have fun, it’s based on how you react to hard situations. And nobody, nobody reacted better in those situations than Aang. So if you watched Avatar and thought it was a story about a young boy maturing, then you misjudged. It wasn’t a story about an immature boy growing up. It was a story of an Airbender becoming an avatar. 
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brownsugar-dreams · 12 days ago
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End of the Year Reflection/Saying Goodbye To Sugar Dating
I meant to post this before the year ended but dating in med school has been incredibly demanding! I had a fling with a millie (one day I will meet my billie). I actually had to retake my block 2 exam because I was so wrapped up in the money 😅 I’ll record a podcast episode about it soon but for now here’s my reflection on last year and what I’m looking forward to in the future!
When I started this blog I was a newbie in the bowl. Had no idea what sugaring really took. Didn’t even realize the difficulties I would face as a brown sugar baby. Thought it would be so easy… I’m so grateful for all the experiences good and bad because they are part of my story. This year I really wanted to take my experiences to the next level. I was able to purchase an investment property with my sugar sis, start med school, elevate my business, had a wonderful sugar daddy, start healing from past traumas & forgive myself for staying in an abusive relationships for so long (still very much a work in progress). I love counting my blessings because it reminds me of how far I’ve come and excites me about what has yet to come.
I love sharing my experiences and connecting with so many people who enjoy the same lifestyle and mental frequency. That being said, I’m saying goodbye to sugaring. I feel I’m at a point in my life where I am ready for the next chapter. Sugaring has been so helpful in getting me where I need to be but it’s time to transition. I talk about hypergamy often, and it just seems like a more appropriate setting for me now. My experiences in the sugar bowl have really taught me a lot about men and the dynamics between men + women.
I have a few upcoming trips planned where I will have the opportunity to be around affluent people with millions/billions of dollars. I’ll still continue to document my journey because I’m sure it’ll be a wild ride. If you’re interested in hearing more about my decision and the reasons behind it, check put my podcast! The season finale episode is up now.
Unfortunately I have to change the set up of my episodes. The sugar/hypergamy related episodes will be available on my public platform until the start of season 2, and then I will be moving them to a private podcast space. It will still be on Brown Sugar Doc, The Podcast but limited access. This decision was made after a few classmates bombarded me at a party about a sugar date I went on. It was very bizarre but a necessary lesson learned. So to protect my sanity I’ll be continuing to document all things hypergamy related on my private podcast. I’ll still post on my regular pod but for the hypergamy listeners, I’ll continue the journey exclusively for us.
I love everyone who has joined me at any point on this journey. More to come!
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shadowlion66 · 10 months ago
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Reki is a good skater, S is too toxic and why Reki leaving it might be actually good for him
! Spoilers up to episode 9 !
Okay so it was mentioned there that Reki leaving the S might be a good thing for him and I wanted to share my thoughts as well.
Starting with episode 1 and the very obvious: Reki loves skating. It’s the first thing we’re told about - skating’s his happiness.
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The post in the link mentions that competing in S is just too toxic. Let’s expand on that.
In the eyes of S? Sure, Reki might not be the most flashy or ‘best’.
However:
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At one point, he was able to catch up with Shadow in episode 1. That’s when Shadow uses his bombs:
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Causing Reki to lose the beef.
Shadow then proceeds to burn his board right in front of him and everyone, taunting him:
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And Reki’s response to that when manager Oka asks him about it?
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He blames himself. He doesn’t think “That was unfair, I could’ve won if Shadow didn’t throw those bombs in there.”
Because that’s what S is like - to win at any cost.
In episode 4, in the beef against Adam, he’s shown once again what S is truly like - it’s a place to have a race where you can do anything in order to win. That’s what the place was founded for. Adam shows that to Reki himself:
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Dangerous much?
And when Reki picks himself up again (thanks to memory of Langa saying he’s skating because he wants to), he catches up to Adam:
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AND he finally pulls off the trick he’s been training so hard for, for the first time:
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Adam, of course, being the clown he is Adam, does his unfair play and Reki loses. And again, first thing he does?
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He apologizes to Langa that he lost. He’s not looking out for himself, but instead, yet again, focuses on others first.
With episode 9, he might be finally realizing that S is simply not a place for him because it’s so focused on who’s the next better, flashier, more dangerous skater.
Also, people change their opinions very quickly depending on who’s currently leading in a beef - with Joe and Langa, people cheered on Joe first, but the second Langa started being serious? They switched to praising him instead.
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Reki doesn’t want to just watch. To our relief, he doesn’t want to be just a support. He wants to skate himself; he wants to have a partner to skate with (that being Langa). Let’s not forget that before Langa, he only had one friend in skating - and that one got injured and left the sport in the end. Leaving him alone who knows for how long (given we have only a small glimpse of the two skating as small children).
At this point, he doesn’t think he’s able to do that as Langa’s winning one beef after another, making his name known in the S. But he also doesn’t know that Langa doesn’t see the point if he’s not with him (please talk already boys we’re all dying over here).
But he knows one thing. S isn’t the place he wants to be at, given how exhausting it is. He watched his board get burnt, lost two beefs, got injured with a broken arm and light head injury, got repeatedly mocked (by Adam himself as well, so public perceives him even worse), he’s constantly overlooked by others simply because he isn’t flashy enough.
But again, why does he skate? Because he loves it. Because it’s fun.
And there’s only so much fun you can have in an environment like S, unless you’re crazy/skilled enough to win most beefs or pull off insane and often health dangerous tricks (looking at you, Langa).
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So for now, he believes he’s not enough. Not for S, at the very least; not in such a toxic environment. But that could be a chance for him to start over - to stop worrying he’s not enough and find the joy in skating once again.
He left right before the beef with Adam and Cherry, so he doesn’t know about Cherry’s injury. Maybe pointing that out, Langa will realize how truly dangerous Adam is. But most importantly, Reki needs to tell Langa how he feels, what’s been going on with him. And Langa needs to tell him why he enjoys skating in the first place - because Reki taught him, showed him tricks, showed him videos of others, shared his joy of skating with him. Because it’s not worth it if Reki’s not here.
Yes, Langa’s an adrenaline seeker, yes, he’s able to pull off stunts crazier than Adam himself at times. But as we were shown in episode 9, he doesn’t see the point of it all if Reki’s not there, cheering for him.
Also, maybe he’ll realize he enjoys skating with Reki the most.
This got ridiculously long and off track, but that’s how it could go. Here’s hoping we’ll finally see the boy smile and enjoy skating again.
640 notes · View notes
xiaomoxu · 5 months ago
Text
Lucien - Mind’s Quest: New Chemical Reaction
⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️
A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler. 
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧  FINALLY A KISS KARMA FOR OUR LUCIEN!!!!!
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Translations under the cut~
--
Part 1 - Main Story
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The sun was just right in the afternoon, and the hot temperature dissipated the humidity in the air and ushered in the heat of the sun.
I curled up on the lazy couch, knocked on my sour neck, watched the computer screen with pretentiousness, and entered the next episode trailer, reaching for the red bean pie on the table--
Take pictures, add filters, post to Moments, all in one go.
MC: "Get the same red bean pie, wait for this week's update!"
The sweet scent of soft red beans lingered between my teeth, and I squinted contentedly.
The washing machine made the sound, and everything was just right.
Until two abrupt "beep beep" sounds sounded. The surroundings fell silent suddenly, and all the machines stopped operating at the same time.
MC: .... It can't be coincidence.
I quickly got up and checked, and it turned out that the power was cut off. I quickly dialed the property number written on the refrigerator sticker.
After confirming that the power outage was due to excessive electricity consumption in the community and tripping, I also realized another "bad news".
The water pipe in the community burst unexpectedly. Although the workers have been repairing it, it is estimated that it will take several hours to return to normal.
I looked at the foamy clothes in the washing machine and sighed.
MC: Lucien is the person who has the ability to predict.
-flashback-
At 8 o'clock in the morning, I brought the breakfast I bought downstairs and knocked on the door of Lucien's house.
Seeing Lucien, who was dressed neatly, opened the door, I blinked at him clearly, and closed the door while changing shoes.
Lucien didn't seem to be surprised by this, but smiled helplessly and took the paper bag in my hand.
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Lucien: Good Morning, MC.
MC: Professor Lucien is ready to go to work without breakfast again.
Lucien: Strictly speaking, I have eaten.
MC: But in my judgment, coffee cannot be counted as breakfast.
I looked at those smiling eyes that were trying to confuse me and spoke relentlessly.
Lucien shrugged, sat down obediently at the table, and surrendered.
Lucien: Sorry, I accept criticism.
I couldn't help but raised the corner of my mouth secretly, and put an exclamation mark on a small blackboard on the fridge that said "Every meal on time!!".
MC: There are only three times.
Lucien: Okay, Miss Supervisor.
Lucien: Can we have breakfast now?
MC: Of course!
As I said, I passed him the iced soy milk in my hand and peeled off the tea egg.
MC: Don't worry, Great Professor Lucien, there are still two hours before the conference.
MC: Half an hour to eat, half an hour to drive, there is definitely time. It will not delay your academic conference today.
MC: And we can maintain the image of "Professor Lucien will never be late."
MC: So eat slowly, okay?
Lucien: Okay, it's all up to you.
Lucien: But....
Lucien prolonged the ending. After handing me the peeled tea egg, he naturally took the half-peeled one.
A slightly inquiring gaze rolled over my face, and he speak slowly.
MC: Huh? Did I have something on my face?
Lucien: I guess, "the little night owl next door" stayed up late to chase the drama last night.
MC: ! Dark circles won't come out so quickly...
An undisguised chuckling fell from him, Lucien raised his eyebrows and looked in a good mood.
Lucien: I lied.
MC: Humph, I knew it. But how do you know that I am not asleep chasing drama?
Lucien: Because if something else keeps you awake, my phone should ring.
Lucien: It's a pity. I waited for a while last night.
His tone was filled with grievances that seemed like nothing, which made me unable to deal with it for a while.
MC: I don't believe it, you... you must be lying to me again.
Lucien: I really didn't lie to you this time.
He stretched out his hand as he spoke, tapped the back of my hand gently with his fingertips, and then changed the subject.
Lucien: You rarely take a vacation at home, what are you going to do today?
MC: Let’s do a general cleaning first! I want to buy some bayberry in the afternoon.
MC: Then there is no other arrangement, just waiting for you to come back.
Lucien nodded slightly, pulling the corners of his lips.
Lucien: However, today’s academic conference is planned for one day, and the organizer has also prepared a hotel break for the participants.
Lucien: So I may not be able to guarantee that I will go home on time.
Lucien: But I promise you that I will eat well and on time.
Lucien: Is this okay?
I nodded heavily.
After staring at Lucien honestly eating the last bite of egg-filled biscuits, I contentedly walking him downstairs.
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Lucien: By the way, MC.
Lucien: When I went home the day before yesterday, I heard the property say that the electricity consumption in the community has exceeded the standard recently.
Lucien: Remember that the air conditioner temperature should not be turned on too low to avoid tripping.
MC: I got it. You put the property phone on the refrigerator, I remember it!
MC: Professor Lucien is really paying attention into this matter.
Lucien: Well, it's because you taught me.
-flashback end-
Unexpectedly, Lucien's random reminder turned out to be a truth.
I searched the laundry shop closest to my house, checked the plumbing and electrical appliances, and went out with a bag of clothes.
--
Exclusive Radio
Pete: Professor, have you set off? Let me confirm your arrival time.
Lucien: About half an hour or so, what's wrong?
Pete: It's nothing, but we bought breakfast and wanted to say whether we should wait for you to eat together.
Pete: There is still some time before the academic conference begins, and you will be able to have breakfast right after you arrive.
Lucien: Don’t bother, you can eat it now.
Pete: It's okay, don't worry, let's wait for you together.
Lucien: Pete, if you can put this "persistence" more in your research report, I think your progress will be greater. "What do you think?
Pete: Yes, professor, I will pay attention!
Pete: ..... Mainly, if you don't eat breakfast this time, we might be "criticized" by your family again.
Pete: It’s good to be loyal, professor, but don’t expose me.
Lucien: Is that true?
Lucien: Don't worry, I have already eaten.
Pete: Have you really eaten? Wouldn't you just take another bite?
Lucien: Iced soy milk, tea eggs, egg-filled biscuits, I had a very rich breakfast today.
Lucien: Any other questions?
Pete: ....what?
Lucien: The family member who often criticized me, personally "educated" me this morning.
Pete: Oh, that's the case! You see, my reaction is slow.
Pete: Then professor, please take care on your way, and see you later.
Lucien: Wait a moment.
Lucien: Pete, do you know where to buy a bayberry?
Pete: Bayberry? I check there seems to be a fruit shop nearby. May I buy some for you?
Lucien: It’s okay, don’t bother, I just buy it myself.
Lucien: After all, it was bought to "bribe" a family members.
--
Part 2 - Memory Silhouette
The central air conditioner in the meeting room was humming, and the monotonous white noise made the atmosphere of the meeting even more dull.
Lucien sat in the front row of the conference room, and his eyes fell on the phone on the table with a calm expression--
The colorful ring-shaped halo sky is frozen on the phone screen.
Young professor: Did you took this?
Young professor: I didn't expect Professor Lucien to be so elegant, he wanted to send it to his girlfriend.
The young professor on the side looked over, he laughed and joked.
Lucien: She has always been interested in these things.
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The young professor nodded in admiration.
Young professor: I will learn it from you.
Young professor: Although I don't have a girlfriend yet, a few more love skills will always be useful in the future.
Lucien smiled and looked down again thoughtfully.
He adjusted his tie absent-mindedly, his fingertips dropped on the table, and he tapped the phone screen.
The screen lights up instantly, and the interface switches to a piece of news from half an hour ago--
"This afternoon, there was a solar halo and a horizontal arc around the ground in the sky of Loveland City."
The news and related photos soon appeared on the Internet, and everyone seemed to be discussing this eye-catching scene.
Except for one person--
When encountering such things in the past, she would share it with him for the first time.
The weather scene is as big as the unpredictable, the strange anecdotes of ancient and modern people at home and abroad, and the gossip of the neighborhood neighbors is small.
He occasionally admires her vigorous energy secretly, how can that little head handle so much information.
But today, she is strangely quiet.
What is she doing now? Didn't she saw this hot news?
Lucien habitually opened the girl's moment, and at the same time refreshed the moment she just posted.
"Get the same red bean pie, wait for this week's update!"
Lucien narrowed his eyes slightly, and couldn't tell what it was like that suddenly appeared in his heart.
His little girl seemed to be more concerned about other things.
After walking away in a daze, Lucien's gaze fell directly on the dark mobile phone screen, and there was no emotion on his face.
Young professor: Professor Lucien, what do you think?
The moment he was named by other professors, he stunned for a second, then raised his gaze in the next moment and answered the other party's question calmly.
The other party nodded frequently, and Lucien smiled and looked at the people in the conference room, as if he was devoting himself to this academic research.
After a few seconds, he lowered his head and opened the top chat.
Lucien: "It was photographed by the Department of Biology today."
--
Part 2 - Main Story
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Thinking that Lucien might not be able to come back tonight, I turned around and took the spare key and entered his home.
MC: Let me help him check it.
I changed my shoes as I whispered, and I glanced at a paper bag lying quietly in the corner of the hallway, wondering in my heart.
MC: This kind of thing is not usually put here...Did you forget it in the morning?
I couldn't understand the logo on the document bag, so I decided to confirm the power supply of the water pipe before sending a text message to ask Lucien.
After I entered the house, I checked it carefully and found no omissions.
There was a basket of coats in the corner of the bathroom. I looked at the heavy coat in the bag in my hand, and after thinking about it for a while, I also put it on.
MC: As I going to the laundry, let's wash it together.
I took two bags of clothes and looked around for a while to confirm that they were correct, then picked up the document bag at the hallway to send a message to Lucien.
MC: He should be in a meeting now, I don't know if I can asked....
As if the heart was eloquent, at the same time, a new message popped up on the phone.
Lucien: [link] “Today afternoon, the highest biotechnology institute in the downtown area of Loveland became the hottest "focus" in the country, with solar halo and an arc around the ground appearing in the sky.”
I was stunned for a moment, and was about to click on the link he sent, and another photo was appeared.
The sparse and soft rainbow like a cloud hangs upside down on the top of the highest school of biology. In the bright sun, it looks like a magical and dreamy colorful auspicious cloud.
Lucien: "It was photographed by the Department of Biology today."
Lucien: "I just saw the news feed, but unfortunately I couldn't feel the so-called the hottest in the country."
Lucien: "So, I can only look at the sky."
Just looking at these words, Lucien's somewhat regretful tone appeared in my ears, and I couldn't help but curl up the corners of my mouth.
MC: "Professor Lucien, are you making a small run?"
Lucien: "It is a bit sleepy to hear. I just yawned and the people who reported on the stage misunderstood that I wanted to ask a question."
MC: "Hahaha because they rarely see Professor Lucien's eyes widening."
Lucien: "But the atmosphere did become more lively, but I am a little sleepy now."
Lucien: "Will you accompany me to distract?"
MC: "I'd like to. But when you come back, can you show me how you yawn?"
I laughed and joked with Lucien while carrying things to the underground garage.
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Lucien's black SUV passed me silently. I blinked, looked at the dialog box that was still chatting with me, and then raised my head.
The car didn't stop next to my car as usual. Instead, it went around as if it were looking for something, not something Lucien did.
Sure enough, after the window was lowered, Pete poked his head out of the driver's seat.
Pete: Sister MC! Glad I met you here, otherwise I would really got lost.
MC: Pete? How are you...
Pete: I was "instructed" to come back and get something.
As he said so, his eyes swept across the file bag I raised with a smile, and his eyes widened in surprise.
Pete: At the level of your tacit understanding, I almost thought that you and the professor are a family.
MC: Pft...
I know that Pete was just said it unintentionally, but my heart beats wildly, and the steps towards it are a little light and fluttering.
MC: Do you still have to help with sending the documents back? Is the academic meeting very busy?
Pete: No, no, I can work after I have delivered the documents. There is nothing to help the professor.
Hearing what he said, I suddenly thought of a good idea
MC: Let me deliver it for you. I happen to be out too.
MC: You got it back and and the document will be delivered, but don't tell him it was me.
Pete nodded repeatedly, with an expression of "I understand", and immediately opened the door, putting the car key and the hotel's business card in my hand.
The action was smooth and flowing, and it was done in one go.
Pete: I'm leaving first, I will not bother you two!
I laughed seeing him running away, put my car key in the clothes bag, adjusted the angle of the seat and the rearview mirror, and set off.
On the road, it started to rain. According to the address on the business card, I quickly arrived near the hotel and saw a familiar figure in the distance.
I parked the car next to him and pressed the window.
MC: Hello, the documents you need have been delivered.
MC: Thank you for your support, please pay the fee.
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Lucien looked very surprised, his eyes glanced at the document I handed back to my face, and then he laughed.
He took the document bag and got into the car.
The breath belonging to him instantly squeezed into this small space, mixed with a bit of humidity and sultry heat after falling rain.
After Lucien got into the car, he took off his suit jacket, loosened his tie and unbuttoned the first button of his shirt.
A little sweat leaked from his chest, and a drop of rain followed his collarbone into his clothes.
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But Lucien seemed to make no secret of it in front of me, and naturally leaned on the passenger seat, making these silent moments a little more intimate and ambiguous.
Pete's unintentional words flashed across my mind, and my heart rushed wildly.
MC, you have known each other for a long time, so don't become so sensitive because of such unintentional words!
I tried to stay calm and looked at Lucien with a smile.
MC: Don't you just need that document? Why did you get on the car?
Lucien: Isn't it necessary to pay a fee?
He smiled sincerely, his eyebrows crooked.
Lucien: Although I don't know when I specially hired a big producer as an assistant, the cost should be affordable.
Lucien: Now is the break time of the academic conference. I don't know if my next time is enough to pay for this fee?
The smiling voice was slightly low, as if to "peddle" this sincerity, he turned his head and leaned forward slightly.
MC: Of course it's enough! Then the trip will start soon, sir, please fasten your seat belt.
I responded quickly, turned my head and looked straight ahead and started the car, not wanting Lucien to notice my nervousness.
For a moment, he blinked thoughtfully and said nothing more.
--
Part 3 - Main Story
The rain gradually became heavier and hit the car vertically
Lucien said that it was only the break of the academic conference, so I just drove forward casually to help him relax.
The rain gradually became heavier and slammed vertically on the car window, making a crisp sound.
The road conditions began to be congested, and the red light made the entire world extremely slow.
With the quite in the car, I took the opportunity of looking in the rearview mirror, I secretly glanced at Lucien and found that his eyes had been waiting there.
MC: ....!
MC: What's wrong?
Lucien just looked at me, not knowing what he thought of, just squinted his eyes slightly.
Lucien: Nothing.
Lucien: Just thinking, it's a rare holiday, shouldn't you sleep on the lazy couch and watch TV dramas?
MC: In the morning, Professor Lucien reminded me not to watch dramas.
MC: So I decided to work overtime. After all, it’s part of the job to be courteous to the program consultant.
Lucien: Does it include bringing these clothes?
While waiting for the red light, Lucien twisted his body through the gap between the front seat and looked to the back seat.
The air covered by the air conditioner was instantly squeezed away by him, and the slightly open shirt squeezed the strong chest into my sight because of his movement.
I subconsciously held my breath.
MC: Your prediction was so good that the whole building tripped due to excessive electricity consumption, and the water pipes were repaired and the water was stopped.
MC: The clothes were just half washed, so I thought about going out and looking for a laundry shop. Only then did I meet Pete.
My eyes were rolled around, like jumping words, reporting the whole story.
Lucien: It turns out that courtesy is just a way of doing laundry.
MC: How come!
Hearing him say this, I subconsciously turned my head to retort him.
Unexpectedly, Lucien kept maintaining his position, and the moment I turned my head, I look into those deep eyes.
His breath was on my face, as if he was confirming the answer, keeping my eyes fixed.
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Lucien: You seem to pay attention about my appearance.
MC: How, how can it be.
The green light is on, I sneered and retracted my eyes and let go of the foot brake.
I also find it strange that I suddenly paying attention about Lucien so much.
In the long together, I thought I had gradually become acquainted with his habits and got used to his body temperature.
It's not how strange Pete's unintentional words are.
But like a drop into a lake, it stirred up layers of water on the calm lake, and I suddenly began to pay attention about Lucien's every move.
Because of it, it seemed to magnify every inch of his breath and the temperature that was contaminated by him.
In the end, my whole world only cared about him.
Even at the green light, the entire queue was walking very slowly. I leaned on the rightmost lane and sighed deeply.
MC: This road is too jammed...
Lucien: I feel it's very romantic.
I turned my head and saw him leaning on the seat, his corner mouth slightly raised.
Lucien: After all, there are very few traffic jams with you like this. Instead, I hope this moment will be longer.
Lucien: Although the long similarity will make people boring gradually, but I enjoy every minute of being with you.
He uttered something that sounded natural, and my heart was grunting with countless colorful bubbles.
MC: But a researcher like you should be very used to this kind of moment.
Lucien: Why do you say that?
MC: Although I don't understand it comprehensively, you do experiments and record all kinds of small changes every day...
MC: So you should be familiar with this slow rhythm?
Lucien only smiled when he heard it, turned his face to look at the foggy glass, and painted it with his fingertips.
Lucien: Many changes require patience.
Lucien: From a research perspective, what we are looking for is the regularity or repetitiveness of things and give them new definitions.
Lucien: Rather than let regularity and repetitiveness become the main theme.
Lucien: It is not so much that scientific researchers can endure the boring and boring time, as it is that the fresh reactions and phenomena in the future are worth the wait.
The world in front of me was entangled into red dots, and some of the anxious mood before seemed to be gradually eased by Lucien's words.
Lucien: However, I think life and experimentation are still different.
MC: Does it mean that life is the opposite?
MC: Because life will gradually become plain and daily...So, regularity and repetitiveness become the main theme?
Lucien: Wrong.
Lucien denied me with a smile, and asked back.
Lucien: Does MC feel that our lives have become regular and repetitive?
MC: ....
Scenes of our daily routine emerged in my mind.
Breakfast after waking up early and good night before going to bed, familiar habits, affected personality and hobbies.
His wicked look, his tired face, his small movements when he is not happy.
I seem to understand them all.
All the shallow or deep love can be traced in the mixed time.
Is it really because I am accustomed to our life, so today I am very concerned about Lucien, which makes me little confused?
Facing my silent thought, Lucien didn't seem to be anxious, he just put away his smile, lowered his eyes, and looked out the window through the newly painted glass.
During this waiting time, we didn't say anything for a while.
The rain was getting heavier and the flashing green light turned red again. I stepped on the foot brake, but I was still thinking about Lucien's question.
Lucien: You can think about the difference between life and experiment.
Lucien: This red light has one minute and twenty seconds, just in time, waiting for me to come back
MC: Huh?
I haven't respond yet, and Lucien has opened the door to rush into the rain.
MC: Lu… Lucien!!
I watched the heavy rain like an idol drama instantly wet Lucien, but he didn't seem to care and ran straight forward--
Until he stopped in front of an old lady pushing a trolley selling bayberry.
I was stunned. I didn’t notice a stall there just now, and I couldn’t think of when Lucien discovered it.
Lucien felt that he lost his rational judgment for a moment
He ran in the heavy rain and kept thinking about it.
He has many ways to tell the girl the answer to that question, but when she seriously thinks about his question, it makes him irritable.
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Lucien: Hello, please give me two catties of bayberry.
Grandma: Oh boy, why don't you use an umbrella in such a heavy rain.
Lucien: My girlfriend wants to eat, and the road is not far away.
The heavy rain curtain dampened the hair in front of Lucien's eyes and kept raining down.
He didn't care, he just flicked upwards casually, and swept the disobedient hair to the top of his head.
Grandma: Young people really understand romance.
The old grandma smiled and weighed out two catties of bayberry and put it in plastic bag.
Grandma: My bayberry is absolutely sweet, Your girlfriend will like it.
Grandma: Of course, I still like you guys who create romance more!
Lucien glanced at the bayberry that he had taken over, and they were full and full of fresh fragrance.
He turned his head to look at the girl rolling down the car window and yelling to himself a little anxiously, and ran over.
And laughed secretly again.
--
Part 4 - Memory Silhouette
The temperature in the car with the air-conditioning turned off suddenly rose, and the air was filled with sticky and stuffy moisture, and my hands on the steering wheel began to faintly sweat.
Even if I try to keep your gaze straight, my gaze will still involuntarily turn to the person next to me.
Lucien calmly opened the front drawer, took out a clean towel, wiped off the water stains on the bayberry plastic bag, and put it on the armrest among us.
Lucien: I heard it's very sweet.
Lucien: If you really want to try it now, but when you go home, soak it in salt water before eating it, otherwise...
MC: .... Lucien!!
Lucien: Huh? What's wrong?
He blinked innocently.
I have always felt that there is no way for him to uncontrollably find sweet satisfaction, and at the same time he is mixed with a little worry and irritation.
I turned my head and lowered some windows silently, trying to let the noise of getting into this space conceal my heartbeat that was already messed up.
MC: You wipe yourself dry first, it's all wet!
Lucien: It’s not too wet, and it doesn’t matter if you turn on the air conditioner.
Saying that he was about to reach out and turn on the air conditioner, I hurriedly took his hand to stop it, and my fingertips unexpectedly touched a touch of dampness.
MC: Obviously got wet.
MC: Big liar.
He seemed to sighed, then obediently wiped the messy hair.
I slightly caught a glimpse of his movements, and my heart suddenly became soft and confused. I restrained the corners of my mouth that I wanted to raise and opened my mouth calmly.
MC: How long is the second half of the conference will begin?
Lucien: Two and a half hours.
Fortunately, I had time to dry the clothes and I secretly breathed a sigh of relief.
MC: Turn left at the next intersection?
Lucien: Yes, after turning left, continue straight for 500 meters, and on your right is the hotel arranged by the organizer of the academic conference.
After getting an accurate answer, I took up my attitude again and deliberately ignored the smile from corners of his mouth.
With the room card swiping to open the door, the girl walked straight into the room without saying a word.
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Angrily, she put down the bag of clothes, raised the temperature in the room, and threw a towel from the bathroom for herself.
The loud noise unreservedly told him her dissatisfaction in her heart deliberately and openly.
Like a child.
A triumphant thought arose in Lucien's heart inexplicably.
Of course, he was worried for a moment. What should he do if he can't coax the girl in front of him?
However, seeing her trying to hide the happiness that came out of herself, and the appearance of being angry and anxious because of herself--
There is nowhere to escape his satisfaction and pride.
The warm light in the bathroom came on, the faucet was turned on, and the sound of running water instantly clashed.
Lucien felt his heart beat uncontrollably with the sound of the water.
Her footsteps sounded in the bathroom again.
Before the girl came out, he subconsciously unbuttoned one more button of his shirt.
--
Part 4 - Main Story
I carefully backed the car into the parking space, got out of the car and took the laundry from the back seat, and stood by the car.
Lucien didn't speak, his whole body was wet, and he got out of the car with the towel I gave him on his head, carrying bayberry.
The corners of my mouth rose unconsciously, but when I thought of what he had just done, I forced myself to remain expressionless.
I walked into the elevator sullenly, Lucien also walked in obediently, and pressed 16F.
The water dripped to the ground, and he did not rub against the towel, but looked at me happily.
The elevator climbed very slowly and the cold wind was blowing loudly. I looked at Lucien's shirt close to his chest, and squeezed my mouth and hugged him.
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Lucien: You'll get wet too.
Although he said that, his arm took it directly and held me more tight.
MC: I can just blow my clothes when they get wet, are you cold?
Lucien: Cold.
MC: Lucien, you such a fool!
After the elevator door opened, I pretended to go out first, but I didn't know which room he was in, so I looked back at him again.
MC: Hurry up, otherwise you'll really catch a cold
He bent his eyes and slowly led me to the front of Room 1609 under my pretended gaze.
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Lucien: After all, I just want to see more, you look happy and angry because of me.
MC: If you don't go in, I will only be more angry!
After we walked into the room, I raised the temperature of the air conditioner, immediately ran to the bathroom, took a dry towel and threw it to him, then turned back and turned on the bath heater and hot water.
MC: Come take a hot shower, or you will really catch a cold.
With that said, I poked my head out of the bathroom.
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Lucien sat lazily on the sofa, and I didn't know where he left the towel I just gave to him.
The completely soaked clothes stuck to him, and he unbuttoned a few buttons, as if he wanted to relieve the discomfort.
The drops of water slowly fall along the tips of his hair and outline his neck and chest, dripping on the leg.
The drenched trousers seemed to continue the "light rain" downwards. The drops of water spread along with his cocked legs.
It ran over his ankle and into the still clean leather shoes.
I stared at the tiny spots of light flowing on him, and couldn't help swallowing.
Knowing that the rain left on the body is cold and humid, making people feel sticky and uncomfortable...
But looking at the soaked person in front of me, I felt a trace of dryness and warmth for no reason.
Perhaps it was because I noticed that I stayed in place for too long, Lucien took off his glasses with one hand and raised his eyes to look at me.
As if bewitched, I walked over.
MC: I asked you to take a bath, why didn't you move?
Lucien: Because I think you seem to be angry.
Lucien: I'm just thinking, how can I make you happy.
Lucien shook his head slightly, and he was inexplicably like a wet and well-behaved dog, unstoppable pity and uncontrollable wanting to treat him.
He circled me in front of him, raised his head, and his warm breath pounced on my face, making it itchy.
MC: Do you know how exaggerated you were just now? This kind of thing is really not like what The Great Professor Lucien would do.
Lucien: How do you feel that I am deified in your heart.
Lucien: Or do you not like it?
Lucien's smile contained a bit of temptation and scrutiny, and his eyes were like torches, making the space surrounded by him even more hot.
MC: Of course I like it!
Perhaps my answer was too simple, and the smile in Lucien's eyes became more obvious. I was unwilling to think about the wickedness I just wanted to make to him, so I immediately made up for it.
MC: But this is not the same as being angry with you.
Lucien: What to do then?
While talking, Lucien leaned back and didn't let go of his hand around me. He pulled me off together and sat me right on top of him.
My hand accidentally touched the shortcut command on the illuminated mobile phone screen, the mobile phone fell to the side of the sofa, and the previously paused music happened to be played--
It was the sound of melting glaciers.
After Lucien gave it to me before, I stored it in my phone so that I could hear it at any time.
A smile flicked across Lucien's eyes.
He allowed the melting sound to fill the air, and his fingertips brushed my neck and inserted them in my somewhat messy hair, making me lower my head a little closer to him.
The hot flashes pressed against my chest tightly, as if there was no gap.
He tilted his head slightly, his hot breath leaned against my lips, creating a gentle and delicate itch.
MC: Go, go take a bath...
Lucien: Is this enough?
As if teasing, every time he said a word, his thin lips would brush my lips.
Neither stepping back nor going deep, I couldn't help taking a breath. My heart and lungs belonged to his breath, which took away all my sanity.
MC: You...!
Lucien: If I were you, I would never let him go so easily.
Lucien: ㅡMust let him remember the lesson well.
The temperature that was always close to the mouth finally came up, as if the drowning man found the long-awaited oxygen.
The sound of the melting glacier echoed in my ears, and Lucien patiently and slowly licked every corner, as if to leave his mark on every inch.
Coaxing and greedy.
I was gripped by his gaze, shy and unable to escape.
MC: Will you remember the lesson then?
Lucien: Will not.
Lucien: Because... I just want to kiss you.
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He spoke frankly, yet full of success.
Lucien: It is said that it is not only the body that carries the memory.
Lucien: The sound, taste, and color all remember those pieces of the past for us, making it special.
Lucien: Now about rainy days, traffic jams, bayberry, and even the melting of this glacier, new traces of memory have been given.
Lucien: So, where is the difference between life and experiment?
MC: ... Huh?
My world is still buzzing and reverberating, I can't even keep up with his thoughts, just looking at him, blushing.
Lucien: You looking at me like that, I really want to take a bath.
He pecked at my forehead and rubbed his ears and temples for a while before he got into the bathroom.
I sat on the sofa blankly, the whole world was blank
Did he suddenly become so attractive because he wanted to tell me the answer to that question?
--
Part 5 - Main Story
In the end, I still couldn't think of the answer to Lucien's question, but my heart couldn't stop beating fast, and after thinking about it, I decided to force myself to get busy.
Because some were too hot and there was no rubber band on hand, I easily pulled a purple ribbon from the room to tie my hair.
I picked up the clothes he changed, found the dryer, and called the front desk to send the pile of dirty clothes I brought to the hotel laundry room for cleaning.
After doing a lot of things, the restless heart gradually recovered
The rain outside the window was much lighter, the sound of the hairdryer stopped behind him, and Lucien walked out wearing a bathrobe.
The bathrobe seemed to be worn casually, worn loosely by him. The big chest were exposed in the air, and my heartbeat, which was hard to calm down, made noisy again.
MC: Wait two more minutes and the clothes will dry immediately.
Lucien: Then I will trouble you.
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Lucien sat next to me, maybe he had just taken a shower and he was lazy.
Lucien: Speaking of which today, you not only found the work materials I missed at the first place, but also sent them to me. Even the adults "forgive" me a lot...
Lucien: I don’t know what to do if there is no MC today.
Hearing what he said, I raised my head proudly.
MC: Hm! Not only that! I also helped you tidy up the clothes basket by the way, and I sent it away for cleaning just now.
As I said, I suddenly realized something.
MC: Oops, the car key was in a clothes bag before!
Just now I was thinking about Lucien, completely forgot about it.
I hurried to call the front desk, but I don't know why the line is always busy.
Lucien: Then let's go directly to the laundry room and have a look.
Surprisingly, the clothes in room 1609 were still hanging on the aisle, waiting in line to enter the washing machine.
I took a long breath and hurried to rescue and save the "life" of the car key.
This very smart washing machine room made me a little fresh. I studied the operation method of an automated washing machine and decided to use it myself.
MC: It's not that difficult.
Looking at the clothes hanging on the pole, I smiled and looked at Lucien
The clothes basket slowly moved towards the washing machine, and the piano music slowly sounded as the machine turned.
It's Chopin's "Nocturne".
MC: A few hours ago, I also rescued this pile of half-washed clothes from the washing machine.
MC: It's just that the washing machine at home can't sing.
Perhaps the piano music was particularly relaxing, and I pulled Lucien and sat on the side steps.
In the roller on the back, my coat and Lucien's are mixed together, and white bubbles are rolled out with the same flavor of washing powder.
Under the illumination of the light, it will fold out beautiful rainbow colors from time to time.
Lucien: It seems that our relationship is close enough.
Lucien sat next to me, put his hands on his legs together with me, pressed his chin, looked back at the rolling machine, and slightly raised the corners of his mouth.
I understood his illocutionary meaning, and my face blushed disobediently.
MC: At first, I thought that water and power outages were the cruelest thing in the summer, but I didn't expect things to develop like this.
MC: I suddenly feel, today is very good.
I hold my head with my hands, turn my head to look at him.
MC: Lucien, I actually told you a lie today.
Lucien: Hm?
MC: You asked me in the car before, if I paying you attention, and I denied it.
MC: Actually...I always paying you attention today.
Lucien turned his head and collided with my eyes.
Lucien: I know.
MC: Huh, you know...? How do you know?!
Lucien: The person you like cares about this kind of thing, it should be easy to notice.
The light smell of laundry detergent refreshes the surrounding air. Looking at his smiling eyes, I also want to express my heart more clearly.
MC: Then why are you...
He raised his hand, stroked my face, and rubbed his fingertips with affection.
Lucien: Because I am worried that you think our lives have become regular and repeated.
Lucien: I... don't want you to think that way.
I was stunned.
He stretched out his hand and pulled me over, the shaking of the washing machine seemed to drive my heartbeat to speed up, and I leaning on Lucien.
What he said before came to my mind, giving new memory traces to traffic jams, bayberry, and melting glaciers on rainy days.
The biggest difference between life and experimentation is not that it is full of unknowns, but that it is unknown-we can actually participate.
Seeing my clear gaze, Lucien smiled lightly.
Lucien: Experiments are always waiting. Waiting for variables, waiting for results Waiting for new chemical reactions to occur.
Lucien: But life..
He slowly lowered his head and kissed my eyebrows and earlobe again and again.
Lucien: Those new chemical reactions in life, as long as you wish, they will appear.
Lucien: It can increase all the traces of past memories, it can spread, or it can grow new flowers.
Lucien: I don't want you to be with me, for a minute of regret and boredom.
Lucien: I want your life to always get used to me, but always full of freshness.
His kiss finally landed on my lips. It was different from the tenderness just now. This time the kiss was turbulent and made me tremble.
MC: You are... too greedy.
Lucien: I can want more.
Lucien: If it's you, I will always be more greedy.
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He didn't seem to be satisfied with the angle just now, so he knelt in front of me on one knee, and circled me between him and the vibrating washing machine.
He stretched out his hand and pulled the hairband on my head, and I could feel the heat between his fingers spreading downward through the skirt of the clothes.
Lucien seemed a little annoyed that I was distracted by the slight coolness behind me and rubbed my lips wickedly, like a temptation.
All I can do is beg for mercy.
I stretched out my hand to stroke the back of his neck.
The sound of rolling and lingering water vapor from behind me also ignited by the increasing heat. The machine is regular and powerful, like an earthquake is behind me.
I had to hug him harder.
Lucien did not conceal his seeing through "conspiracy" and desires. He intruded deeper, like a helmsman, carrying a boat, feeling the surge of the tide.
With a sudden "ding-", my body shook unconsciously. It seemed that the washing machine next to us had finished running.
He didn't care, just coaxing me to focus on him again.
MC: Lu- Lucien.
Lucien: Don't mind it.
His whisper was drowned in the ambiguous and humid breath, Lucien's voice was full of lingering, coaxing greasily.
MC: But.. but you still have academic conferences next...
Lucien: Indeed.
In the messy gasp, he lifted his lips slightly, but still pressed to my mouth to rest.
Every time I breathed, my fingertips kept numb.
Lucien: But I just asked for leave.
MC: When?
Lucien: Before getting ready to take a bath.
He struggled for only a second, and then caged me up again.
I didn't want to resist at all, and felt his gentle yet irresistible surround, so I had to surrender.
Only a patch of ambiguous clouds remained in the whole world.
Lucien: I think I need more time to discover your curiosity about me.
Lucien: And new chemical reactions.
--
Notes from me: FINALLY.. FINALLY OUR LUCIEN KISS KARMA IS HERE!!! I’M TOO HAPPY FOR THAT, CONGRATS FOR OUR LULU~ Aside from my happiness about the kiss, this date was brilliant! Their character development is really great, Lucien who can tell everything without secret to MC is so lovely for me. So do MC, who pay her attention to Lucien’s every moves and still make her blushed. I never get tired looking at them~ (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)
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achillieus · 10 months ago
Text
let you down. (sebastian stan x reader)
summary: it's a universal truth but it's worth repeating; feelings eat us raw. or just an actor and a girl falling in and out of love over the course of three months.
(this was inspired by sebastian's visit to greece for his movie, monday, and is based on that, so that means in the story we’re in 2018. also i have this posted on ao3 too but while i’m writing the last parts i thought of posting it here too)
pairing: sebastian stan x reader
warnings: alcohol, sexual references, implied depression, sebastian desperately needs to hug the reader, it's kinda slowburn because i love the yearning
(pinterest inspired board)
part: 1/6
(other parts)  (masterlist)
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The day it happened, it wasn't a significant meeting at all, you barely even talked. In fact, when he opened the door of your neighbor’s flat that day with a beer in his right hand and his hair messy, he didn't have any effect on you. You always knew that living next to a director meant that sooner or later you’d bump into the pretty faces of well-known people. Sure, you didn’t expect them to be Hollywood actors like him, but to say you were starstruck by the man, would be the overstatement of the year.
The building you’ve lived in for the last three years has five floors; you live in the 4th, he lives in the 5th. He’s a quiet person, usually spending his evenings out of his apartment. You’ve talked sometimes, about the weather and the weird lady that lives in the 1st floor. You’ve never told him you find his directing style a little pretentious.
You’ve never been to his place until that annoyingly warm August evening, when you find a white button up shirt on your balcony. You can clearly see more clothing when you look up and you’re certain the item you’re holding belongs to him.
He’s not there though. Instead you find a different face behind the door. Lighter eyes and darker hair. The man in front of you is definitely younger than the director. You don’t bother to notice what he’s wearing.
“Can I help you?” His voice is deeper than you expected. Stronger, with a touch of European accent. The sound of English surprises you at first but soon you realize he must be another foreign coworker that came to visit your neighbor
“No, I just think Argyris dropped this and it ended up on my floor.”
He looks at you and then at the shirt, in your hands.
Then he says “Sure, I’ll take it.”
“Okay.”
Then it ends. He doesn’t even ask your name. You don’t have to ask his. You figure out, as soon as you walk down the stairs, that it’s Sebastian Stan that you just talked to.
And while being a big fan of marvel movies, you think nothing special of him at first. You just wonder how a mostly unknown director from Greece got an actor like Sebastian to come here so they can work together. It makes no sense to you, but you forget it when your phone starts ringing.
/
It would’ve been easier if you never saw him again, yet you do. You see him trying to understand what the old lady from the first floor is trying to tell him. You already know. The elevator is not working. The next day you see him walking up the stairs.
You exchange a quick hello, how are you and then off you both go.
The same night Argyris invites you to have a drink with them in the terrace. Part of you wants to just stay in bed and binge watch some Sherlock episodes. Part of you already thinks of what to wear.
There are around ten people there when you show up. They’re all sitting down in huge pillows drinking and talking loudly. You don’t know most of them.
You sit next to a blonde girl, across from Sebastian. This time you notice he’s wearing a plain black shirt and holds a glass of whiskey.
You don’t share any direct conversations but you learn that he’s afraid of growing old and that he thinks Taxi Driver is one fucking masterpiece, as he says.
When you mention that you’re probably the least artistic person in the room right now, you hear him laugh.
A curly haired woman starts dancing with him at some point. You decide he’s not a good dancer.
He leaves the same time you do, following you down the stairs.
“I thought you live here.” You say when he doesn’t stop at the floor you expect him to.
“Ah no, I stay at a hotel near the centre.”
He keeps talking about his suite until you reach your door.
You part in a blur, with a short goodbye.
He still doesn’t ask for your name.
It makes you feel genuinely offended.
/
Two days after, he is the farthest thing from your mind, until you find him sitting in front of your door, his eyes roaming the place with despair. And then he sees you.
“Ah finally you are here.” He starts casually. “Thank god.”
You just nod.
“Argyris told me to wait for him with you. We had a meeting but he got stuck in traffic.”
You give him a look.
“He said you’re always at home so you won’t mind.”
Ouch. Yeah sure, your social life wasn’t something to brag about but for some reason the way Sebastian said it, it sounded like an insult.
“Okay, come in.” You shrug, clearly not feeling comfortable and turn around to unlock the door.
You hear him call your name. You thought he didn’t know.
“Yes?”
He offers you an easy smile.  “Thank you.”
/
Sitting in your couch he’s eyeing the entire room, while you put some groceries in the fridge.
“Argyris says you’re a great girl.” He clears his throat. “But he thinks you’re too quiet for your own good.”
You look at him, your eyes flicking up and down his face.
“And from what I can tell, he’s right.”  You hear him laugh.
It felt weird to see him laugh while he was leaning back at your cozy pillow. He had entered your life so suddenly you didn’t even have time to react to it.
“I’m sorry but I barely know you.” Your words are sharp. He sits up.
“Okay then let’s get to know each other, what’s your favorite Disney princess?”
Defeated, you laugh. “Are you kidding me?”
“No, this is an important question.”
You wait for him to crack up but then you remember he’s an actor.
“I don’t know.” You think for a second. “Mulan?”
“Oh my god. Mulan is amazing.” You smile at him. “My favorite is Jasmine, she’s just so badass.”
You share your favorites that day, having almost nothing in common rather than your everlast love for animated movies and buttered popcorn.
When it’s time for him to leave, he stops and looks at you in the eye.
“You should talk more often.”
You stare at him with confusion. “I talk,” you raise your eyebrows. “When I have something to say.”
“Good.” he says, still looking.
/
Later in the evening, you’re eating some yoghurt when he comes knocking on your door.
He’s different. The white tank top he was wearing this morning is replaced with a dark shirt and his face looks tired. You assume they’ve been working since he went upstairs.
“Hiii”, he says dragging the i, “Am I interrupting anything?”
You desperately want to nod. You want to tell him that you were doing the most exciting thing in the world, before he came but you were never a good liar.
So you just tilt your head and take a step back.
That’s when he enters and is met with some loud rock music blaring from your laptop.
“You like AC/DC?” he asks, almost wide-eyed.
“Well, I can tell it’s them when I hear their stuff.”  For the first time that day, he seems to be in loss of words. “Why are you so surprised?”
He sits in the same spot in the couch as earlier and laughs.
“I just didn’t take you for the kind of girl who likes this music.” It’s your turn to laugh.
“Why?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. Quiet girl who loves animated films and eats kids’ yoghurt” he looks at the carton in your kitchen table, “and also likes metal music? Doesn’t add up.”
“We’ve basically just met; you shouldn’t make assumptions about me.”
“Fair enough.” He sits back, fidgeting with his fingers.
You take some time just looking at him
There was a certain vibe about that man that made you wonder how it’d feel to cruise down a dessert highway in a convertible mustang with him. In the summer. With him wearing that white tank top.
The color of strawberries emerges at your cheeks just at the thought of it.
You wish he doesn’t notice.
You’re glad to find him looking the other way, before he speaks up.
“We’re going out tonight.” His voice is warm now. “Argyris says you should come along, even though I’m quite sure there’s no hardcore music where we’re going.” He laughs again.
I can’t. You almost say. But then anxiety slips away from you and out of sudden you want him to stop being so freaking arrogant, going around and acting like he knows exactly what kind of person you are.
He thinks you’ll say no. You can see it in his eyes.
“Sure, when should I be ready?” you say, surprising both of you.
He looks at you for some time and then trying to hide whatever he was thinking he says the first thing on his mind.
“How old are you?” He sounds pitiful. He knows. He wishes he could hit a wall; with his head.
“Twenty-one.” His eyes scan yours, unsure of what they’re looking for. “Why?”
“No reason.”
He inhales deep.
/
You try to blink. You’re at a party in a little bar you’ve never been before and a lot of people are wearing black. Alcohol. You can still taste it on the back of your tongue. You don’t remember how you end up pressed against a dark skinned man, but you can tell he smells of cigarettes and despair.
You sway your body to the beat, close your eyes. Breath in. And out. You think the music deafens you for a second but you open your lids and see Sebastian and he’s watching you, unashamed.
He’s not that far, though it feels like it with countless bodies in the way. The music melts. His gaze is almost angelic. Or devious. You can’t really tell.
He’s dancing with that curly haired woman again. You wonder how intimate their relationship is.
The red neon lights make his skin glisten. His muscles move divinely. It makes you think there’s an entire world inside him, his flesh barely keeping it hidden. Out of sudden you get the urge to walk towards him. You want to see him up close under this dim lighting. But you don’t move.
The man that’s groping your waist asks for your name. You tell him you need to flee. He doesn’t understand.
You sit outside with the sweet summer breeze touching your bare arms. The bass of the music in the background syncs with the beating of your heart. You can feel your ribs grow with every breath you take. Until you stop breathing because the door opens and his eyes suffocate you.
You can’t fathom the effect he has on you. He was a pretty face on screen some days ago. But right now he steals distance and stays near you.
You don’t look his way. He doesn’t say a word. Nicotine and smoke surround you as he exhales. His fingers hold the cigarette butt with care.
“Do you want some?”
You turn to look at him.
“I don’t smoke.” He laughs.
“That doesn’t mean you don’t want some.”
You want to know if his breath has the taste of sulfur. You want to pretend it’s the alcohol or the loud music that makes your head hurt.
“What’s the best part of being an actor?” The blue in his eyes glows.
There’s silence but he seems to be thinking about it.
“Do you ever feel things too much?” He says, his voice hoarse. “I mean, when you feel something so intensely it becomes a part of who you are.”
You nod. You understand.
“Acting allows you to let go of these feelings,” he starts. “You share the burden with the audience until it becomes light and you can hold it again.”
You look at him, shaking your head.
“I don’t think I could that,” you close your eyes. “I don’t think I could share what I feel so easily.”
He stands up. The wind hits you again.
“A lot people can’t. That’s why everyone is heartbroken,” he takes a breath, “Feelings eat us raw.”
You both go to bed alone that night. Tomorrow there is a hole next to you.
/
the morning after, search history
(02:45 PM) hangover recovery
(03:00 PM) best food after a hangover
(03:10 PM) sebastian stan
(03:30 PM) sebastian stan girlfriend
(06:00 PM) xanax side effects
/
You follow him on Instagram. He doesn’t follow you back. You remember he probably gets tons of followers every day and decide not to let it bother you. Instead you study for the exams of the following month.
The subject of your studies doesn’t interest you. Another poor decision you made under pressure. Sometimes you feel as if your life is borrowed from someone else. Sometimes you feel as if you haven’t found your home yet.
Feelings eat us raw.
His girlfriend looks beautiful in the pictures you find online. The media isn’t certain if they’re still together but you like to think so. It makes it easier to avoid him.
But the universe seems to be oblivious to your thoughts and you see him that same day. You’re taking the garbage out and he’s coming down from the top floor. You meet in the elevator.
“I’m glad to see you’re still alive,” his eyes are smiling as he talks “you looked kinda drunk last night.”
You fidget with the hem of the bag you’re holding.
“I wasn’t drunk.” You notice he’s growing some stubble. You’re not sure you like it.
“Whatever you say, doll.”  You bite your cheek trying to devour any sign that might give away how his words make you flinch.
He turns his body a little so now you’re facing each other. He’s so pretty. He’s so pretty in a way that doesn’t hurt. You try not to stare at him, but you fail sometimes. You’ve never noticed how slow the elevator moves until you want to get out. You can’t stand being so close to him for much longer.
He’s an arrogant rich actor who loves Disney and smokes a lot, you think. I have no reason to be affected by him.
“Ah! Argyris said we’re leaving for the weekend.” You eye him curiously. “He wants to show us some small villages in the south. He thinks we should get to know the country a little more before we start.”
You’re stunned by your neighbor’s dedication to his work. Sometimes you wish you had something you could be passionate about too. Sometimes you think you’re never going to find it.
“That’s great. I’m sure you’ll like it.” You give him a smile.
He leans his back at the wall. The elevator stops. Finally.
“I like your eyes.” You grab tight onto the bag. “But they don’t smile when you do.”
He opens the door and he’s gone.
They tell you that it’s fun to meet a famous person. They tell you, you can ask for a photo and a hug. They tell you celebrities don’t talk a lot but that doesn’t mean they’re rude.
But he’s not like that.
He’s fire. He’s burning heat and scorching flames. His words are his thoughts; raw. You don’t like it.
/
late night search history
(00:38 AM) blue valentine movie soundtrack
(01:15 AM) is sebastian stan a bad person
(01:30 AM) acting classes for amateurs
(01:50 AM) cheap leather boots
(02:10 AM) sebastian stan eyes
 You find it annoying; how he’s present even when you’re alone.
Thankfully he’s leaving for the weekend, you think.
/
The weekend, however, is two days away.
You think you can get away without seeing him. And you do. Until it’s late at night again. And they’re all upstairs with music so loud you’re certain the lady on the first floor is going to be rude about it in the morning.
The music tempo has you unaffected. All you think about is if he’s dancing with that woman again.
He’s such a bad dancer, he should not be dancing.
There’s a subtle knock on your door. You know it’s him. You hope you’re wrong.
“Do you feel like dancing?” His face is all flustered. It’s a good look on him.
“You can’t come knocking on my door at 2 AM and ask me to dance.” His gaze is filled with confusion.
“So you don’t feel like dancing?” You roll your eyes. He notices.
“That’s not the point Sebastian.” It’s the first time you call him by his name. You let it slip away slowly, testing the way it sounds coming out of your mouth.
He takes a step closer. You are suddenly aware of your pyjama shorts and your exposed skin.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to irritate you.” His eyes are the cliché blue of the sky. “I just thought you might want to dance, that’s all.”
Suddenly you feel guilty and embarrassed. He’s oblivious to it.
For a moment you feel his eyes linger on you. It feels surreal.
You nod at him.
He’s ready to say something when Argyris comes down the stairs, his shirt slightly unbuttoned.
“Ah man, I thought you got lost or something.” You lower your eyes. “Stop messing with the poor girl. People are looking for you.”
He throws a smile at you and Sebastian takes a quick breath.
“People are always looking for me.”
He gives away that he’s carrying a burden. Your expression softens. But then you look at Argyris and you see he doesn’t really pay attention to these words.
You share a quick look before you’re there standing alone at your doorstep, trying to grasp the idea of him.
/
When you wake up you feel like running. You can’t fathom where the feeling comes from but it starts like a liquid running down your veins and soon you can’t stay in bed even for a second.
Feelings eat us raw. Only if you let them.
.
i really appreciate feedback, it motivates me tons and also tell me if you’d like to be tagged in this six part story :)
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