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bastetwastaken · 1 year

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It's my birthday today, and my brain has decided that my gift will be a flare in my depression, which means I've been writing something incredibly self indulgent. But I guess you all get a treat too so it's all good. <3 <3

Here's a lil something set in the Double Exposure universe but you don't need to have read the fic to understand it. Atem is having one of those days, and Yugi is more than happy to help him.

(Not explicitly stated but themes of dealing with depression under the cut)

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“You don’t seem like yourself today.” Mahad said from beside him.

“Hm.” He acknowledged his friend but didn’t really feel like saying much more.

The truth was that he didn’t feel like himself either. He didn’t understand why he had to feel this way sometimes but unfortunately he was used to it. He’d been fine when he woke up beside Yugi that morning, excited when Yugi kissed him goodbye and he hurried to the car to join Mahad and start his day, content to do as he was asked on set and enjoyed himself…

Then suddenly some time after lunch his mood had taken a turn for no reason other than his brain deciding he just wasn’t going to be happy that afternoon. He only hoped that hadn’t shown in his shoot.

He sighed and pulled his hood over his head as they exited the building, trying to hide behind Mahad instead of letting people see him. Recently he’d been taking more time to talk to fans who decided to wait for him and he’d at least humour the paparazzi, but today he didn’t feel like it.

Mahad seemed to take the hint that he wasn’t in the mood for talking and remained silent…until they were in the car.

“You don’t have to talk about anything else.” Mahad started. “But just answer one question, where are you spending the night?”

He hesitated for a moment, quickly weighing up what would be best, to go to Yugis and wait for him to return home in the place he found so much comfort in or to go back to the hotel with Mahad and spend his time in a soulless room.

His hand felt for the key in his pocket that Yugi had given him only a few days ago. He hadn’t used it yet, but Yugi had told him he was welcome in his home anytime, even if he wasn’t in.

It was the one place Atem could hide from the world.

“Yugis, please.” He said quietly.

Mahad nodded and continued to drive.

Swallowing a sigh he looked out of the window, staring at nothing in particular, but taking in the city all the same as he allowed his thoughts to wander. Yugi would still be working given the time and that suited him perfectly. He’d have Yugi's wonderful home to sit quietly in for an hour at least.

He was already looking forward to snuggling into Yugi's sofa with the overstuffed soft cushions, pulling the fuzzy blanket he always kept folded on the back of the sofa over him and just being surrounded by Yugi until he felt better.

Maybe he’d even get a quick shower too, he had some clothes at Yugis which he could change into and Yugi had told him he was welcome to do as he pleased when at his so he doubted he’d mind Atem helping himself to a shower.

Tears stung his eyes and he fought the urge to scream because he didn’t even know why. There was nothing that had upset him today, the date held no significance, people had been nothing but kind to him but still…he wanted to curl up into a ball and cry anyway.

Days like these came more often than he’d ever admit yet he was still to find a way to deal with them now he couldn’t drown his sorrows and ignore his feelings…

He didn’t realise where they were until the car stopped, then he recognised the house they were parked outside and he felt relieved to know that he didn’t have to be outside any longer, didn’t have to be in public.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow unless you let me know otherwise.” Mahad said softly. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you.” He nodded, then jumped out of the car, pulling the key out of his pocket and making his way to Yugi's front door.

The Kuriboh charm hanging on the key smiled up at him as he turned the lock and despite how he was feeling, the little charm made him smile because it was just so…Yugi.

He closed the door softly behind him and then leaned forward, his palms flat against the surface and his forehead pressed to the smooth wood.

For a moment he just breathed.

In…out, slow and deep and he felt himself relax gradually. He felt the pressure of the day fall from his shoulders and he leaned heavily against the door, feeling as if he could finally drop the act, there were no expectations on him now, no need to fake smiles.

He was home now, he could just…be.

“Welcome home.” Yugi's voice startled him and he jumped upright, blinking rapidly to try to fight back the tears which threatened to fall as he turned to face his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry.” He said quickly. “I thought you were working…I would have knocked if-”

“It’s okay.” Yugi smiled at him and he so desperately wished he could find it in himself to return it easily but he felt his own smile was forced, he knew it didn’t quite reach his eyes and he could tell Yugi knew something was up. “I gave you that key for you to use anytime.”

He nodded, bending to take off his boots as Yugi moved over to him slowly. He took his time with the laces, not wanting to face Yugi just yet.

Of course he loved his boyfriend, of course he was glad to see him but he just…didn’t want to have to talk to anyone. Deep down he knew it would probably help, but he just couldn’t bring himself to speak right now.

Yugi never judged him, aside from Mahad, Yugi was the one person that he could allow himself to be vulnerable in front of, the one person who he didn’t mind losing himself around because he knew that no matter how far he fell, Yugi would bring him back.

Still though, he tried to keep most of it to himself. Old habits die hard and he’d been hiding his feelings for way too long now to simply…stop doing it.

He had long finished with his boots but he remained on the floor, trying to talk himself down before daring to look back up.

A gentle hand on his knee was the first thing that alerted him to the fact Yugi had joined him on the floor, he glanced up at him, then looked back down at the wood floor, following the grain with his eyes, not trusting himself to look at his boyfriend just yet.

“You don’t have to speak.” Yugi said quietly. “But I’m here.”

He nodded.

“It’s not…” He sighed. “It’s silly.”

“No.” Yugi's hand moved to take one of his, pulling it away from his boot and intertwining their fingers together. “What’s silly is that you thought you had to go through this alone.”

He looked at their joined hands, biting his lip as he tried to think of something to say. Nothing came to mind though.

“You trust me, right?” Yugi asked softly, his other hand coming to rest against his cheek, thumb brushing against his skin slowly as his face was gently lifted until he was looking at Yugi.

“Yes.” He said. Yugi gave him a small smile.

“Nothing I say can make what you’re feeling go away, but perhaps I can help make it a little better…Come with me.” Yugi said.

He nodded and let Yugi pull him to his feet, let him lead them back to the bedroom and felt the excitement stir in his stomach, but shook it off when Yugi walked past the bed and opened one of the drawers Atem kept some of his own clothes in too.

“Get comfortable.” Yugi said, handing him the only pair of sweatpants he owned and an oversized t-shirt. He took them, clutching them to his chest as he nodded, then Yugi reached out to place a hand against his cheek again, smiling at him. “When you’re ready come find me, I’ll be making tea.”

He leaned into Yugi’s touch, already feeling a little better having his boyfriend so close to him. When he stepped back Yugi gave him another sweet smile then he turned and left the room.

He stood there for a moment longer, hugging the soft clothes that smelled of Yugi to his chest and trying not to let himself go just yet, trying not to give into the way he wanted to just crumble to the floor, curl up on himself and cry until he couldn’t anymore.

Slowly he placed the clothes on the bed and he began to change. Shedding the clothes he’d spent all day in made him feel a little better, less restricted, less…judged.

Once he was fully changed, he felt a little lighter. He left the bedroom and walked toward the kitchen, Yugi looked over his shoulder and smiled at him when he walked in, then beckoned him over to the counter where he was standing.

Yugi held out an arm and he accepted the hint gladly, leaning against his boyfriends side and sighing happily when he was pulled into a tight hug. He smiled as he watched Yugi finish their drinks and this time it felt a little more natural on his face.

They didn’t remain there for long, Yugi nudged him gently and he moved away enough to let his boyfriend turn to face him.

Yugi joined their hands and looked into his eyes for a moment, a soft smile on his face.

“You know, you don’t have to be so brave when you’re with me.” Yugi told him.

He looked back into those beautiful eyes so full of patience and love, the eyes which had never judged him, never expected him to be anything more than he was, never wanted more from him than he was willing to give…and he broke.

The tears fell quickly, his shoulders shook and he took a shaky breath. He was pulled back into Yugi's arms immediately and he crumbled further. He leaned heavily against Yugi, forcing his boyfriend to lean back against the counter to hold them both up, but feeling Yugi's arms around him, hearing his soft words in his ear and having hands run slowly over his back was all the comfort he needed.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, pressing his face to Yugi's neck. “I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”

“Atem, it’s okay.” Yugi said softly. “Nothing is wrong with you, it’s just one of those days, but I’m here for you. Let me love you.”

“I’ll try.” He sighed, his tears had stopped, but he remained hidden in Yugi's arms, safe from the world.

“You’re such a wonderful person.” Yugi said, hands running down his back slowly. “You always make me feel so good…I wish you’d treat yourself the same way you treat me.”

“I’m trying.” He said, hands tightening on Yugi’s shirt and holding him closer.

It wasn’t the first time Yugi had said something like that to him and it probably wouldn’t be the last, and he really was trying, but years of self hatred didn’t just disappear overnight and Yugi knew that.

“I know, and you’re doing amazing.” Yugi said softly, Atem felt his lips against his temple, a soft kiss followed even softer words. “Now, I’ll happily hold you for as long as you need me to, but we should move to the sofa instead of standing here in the kitchen.”

He nodded, Yugi was right, it couldn’t be comfortable for him to stand here with his back against the counter, Atems weight crushing him against the hard surface.

“I might take that offer for the rest of the night.” He said with a quiet laugh.

“Oh no, what a shame.” Yugi said sarcastically. ��I’ll be stuck under a gorgeous model for the rest of the night, I really hate my life.”

The words made him giggle and Yugi laughed softly too.

“I’d hate to make you suffer.” He teased.

“Hm.” Yugi slid a hand up to his face to cup his cheek again. “It’s nothing I can’t handle. So take a cup and we can get comfortable.”

Reluctantly he forced himself out of his boyfriend's arms and picked up one of the two mugs Yugi had been filling when he joined him, walking to the living room and settling down on one half of the sofa.

Yugi took a seat next to him, holding an arm out to him as he leaned back into the cushions. He was all too happy to fall back into Yugi’s warm embrace.

Whilst they sipped their drinks, Yugi put one of Atems favourite movies on and held him close, he never spoke, didn’t try to force Atem to tell him anything and never asked him to do anything more than he was in that moment.

It was just what he needed.

As much as he had intended on dealing with his feelings by crying in the shower for a while then sitting in complete silence alone, he was glad Yugi had been home and that he didn’t have to spend time alone with his thoughts.

Once his cup was empty he shifted to lay down, Yugi moved with him and wrapped his arms around him, laughing as Atem buried his head under his chin.

“I’m glad you were home.” He said quietly.

“My late meeting was cancelled, so I decided to do the rest of my shift from home.” Yugi told him. “I’m glad I could be here for you.”

“Today has been tough.” He said after a moment of silence.

“I understand.” Yugi said, a hand ran through his hair and soothed his thoughts. “It’s not easy, but you made it through the day, and for that, I am so proud of you. Now though, you don’t need to be anything, you don’t need to do anything, just stay here with me.”

Those words made him blush and he hid his face in Yugi's neck, smiling to himself.

“Thank you.” He murmured.

“Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Yugi pressed gently.

“There’s nothing to say.” He said honestly. “My mind is just…” He trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence.

“I understand.” Yugi told him, sliding his fingers through his hair again. “If there’s anything you need, or anything I can do for you, just let me know.”

“I will.” He said, a content sigh left his lips when Yugi began running his hands slowly down his back, fingers slowly trailing down his spine and then back up, slipping into his hair before repeating the path again.

He felt himself relaxing further into Yugi, enjoying the way that their bodies fit together, how easily he melted into Yugi's embrace, the way Yugi’s touches made him feel even though they were only small.

His eyes closed and his breathing began to slow a little, but he fought to stay awake, they should get up soon and make some dinner or order something or-

“You can go to sleep, I don’t mind.” Yugi said quietly, lips against his temple and a hand running slowly through his hair again. “I won’t leave you.”

“Promise?” He asked although he knew the answer.

“I promise.” Yugi said, kissing his head softly. “I’ll never leave you.”

“I love you.” He whispered, closing his eyes and resting his head against Yugi's shoulder, placing a soft kiss to the collar bone exposed to him.

“And I love you.” Yugi replied, his voice so soft, Atem barely heard it. “More than anything on this earth.”

He sighed happily and melted into Yugi’s arms even more, breathing in the scent of Yugi’s skin and his home, feeling safe, warm and content to remain here for the rest of the night.

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If you wanna read the (complete) fic along with some amazing artwork in which these two idiots fall in love, check it out here on Ao3

#puzzleshipping #atem #yugi mutou #model au #journalist au #another stupid cliche thing from the mind of Bastet #fanfic #ygo dm #i just want a hug

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