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#i just want to look up to someone my age
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istg no one talented is born in 2000 we all just suck

#alexis shut up#i just want to look up to someone my age#heaps of ppl i like are born in 2001 lol how is it to turn 20 this year :)
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Not rlly a post to pay attention to, just being bitter I guess

#just reminded especially today#like it’s a weird dichotomy of being a very romantic/daydreamy person vs knowing it’s probably something I’m never going to get or have#I really don’t think I’m an easy person to love in a romantic sense I’m too difficult to deal with#I just don’t get taken seriously as anything more than a friend not to mention I have so many problems someone would have to deal with once#they get to know me better#like the first part of that definitely stems from me looking and having energy that is much younger than I actually am#people really do think I look 16 or 17 and many think my mental age is about the same#like my coworkers spent four months thinking I was that age#and people my age aren’t looking for someone who seems so young bc they are sensible#and then the people who do show interest are strikingly obvious that they are into the fact I seem much younger#someone gave me their number before right after they said they couldn’t believe I was as old as I am and thought I was much younger?#they told me I had childlike energy?#and so many people see me as ‘adorable and sweet’ and ‘can’t see me as anything more than a friend’#and it’s so terrible to watch people not taking me seriously at all#I’m not an adult enough for most everyone#and then that doesn’t even touch on any of my other problems#besides the whole mental age thing people wouldn’t get over just the way my brain is anyway is probably so hard to love#the adhd autism is just not practical for any other person to deal with and the ups and downs of everything I don’t want to put#someone through like they shouldn’t have to put up with me at my lowest#no one would want me at my lowest anyway#and then my whole lack of experience I just daydream all the time but I don’t really know what anything is like#I would be a terrible partner to anyone because I don’t really know things I only think I know things from what I’ve read in books and seen#in movies and those aren’t real and I can’t have anything real#and it’s just today that reminds me that it’s not something I get to have and nothings ever going to come close to it#and that really I don’t deserve it either#and no one talk to me about it bc you’re not going to change my mind#and nothing you say is going to make any difference or make anything better
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it is now goulash posting

#sorry lmfao we just had some banger goulash for dinner#you ever have a stew so powerful you feel connected with the ages#ohhh this shit is the bomb#i didnt know we had the hungarian paprika wtf where was it hidden#i put that shit on everything its so fucking magical#just. oh. breaking off a piece of bread to dip in that shit??? the potatoes??? the way the meat just falls apart???? holy shit#mutuals i can show you stews youve only ever dreamed of#altho now i really want some gerschtel actually#thats like a clear soup my oma makes her own noodles and oh... magnificent#i wish i could post more than images here i want yall to taste my soups#connor talks#this is also making me think abt names bc i like to change my name a lot as you know#the current first and middle are VERY irish but idk if im irish at all#my last name is like germanic to the point of parody#it might as well be doofenschnmirtz like its so goofy sounding and honestly id share what it was if it wasnt so rare#like you hear my last name somewhere and it will be someone im directly related to#theres like. 40 of us in the world i think HKDASJ#but like what are some german names??? i never really looked into it maybe i should#i apologize in advance bc once i get my dna results i want to know EVERYTHING about where i come from#im probably not going to shut up about it ever lol
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