#i just want to transition and just finally feel more comfortable in my fucking skin

[smut-angel]

something new & something blue

do you ever have a consistent daydream? like every time you start to daydream it’s the same one? well this is mine so i obviously had to write it. enjoy!

warnings: cursing, arguing & implications of sex (+ not my best ending lol)

“baby, try this.” carmen holds a fork up to your lips and watches you intently as you bite the fresh hot food that it sits on. your eyes widen as the flavors combine on your tongue.

“fuck, that’s good. is that for the new menu?” you ask while covering your full mouth. carmen smiles at your positive review and runs his hands through his curls.

"no, actually. it's for the wedding."

“what do you mean? i thought you called the caterers this morning.” carmen nods at your words, seeing you lean against the kitchen counter and cross your arms in his peripheral vision. fuck, here we go,he thinks.

“yeah, i did but i changed my mind.” your fiancée made sure not to make eye contact with you as he told you this, sensing that you were starting to grow angry with him.

“let me get this straight,” you start, shifting your weight to your left leg. “you changed your mind on our wedding plans?” hearing the tone of your voice change to annoyance made his ears ring with slight regret, yet he persisted with his alibi.

“it’s not a big deal, alright? it’s cheaper, it’s easier, plus you know i can cook better than any of those fucks uptown!” this made you roll your eyes as it was obvious that carmen’s ego was wrapped into this decision. “just let me handle the menu,” he added. you looked at him in complete disbelief.

“no, you’re not handling shit! i’m not letting you cook for our wedding. end of story.” you walk away but carmen isn’t letting you get the last word. his footsteps echo behind your own as you find your way to the bedroom.

“just think about it-“

“i did, and i hate it. call the caterers.”

“no!”

“carmy, we need to feed 167 people!”

“the guys at the restaurant can help! and i’ve fed more people back in new york in just an hour-“

“yeah, but not on your wedding day!” you yell, walking away for a second time to the opposite side of the bedroom. you sigh loudly, plopping down the bed with a slouch. carmen’s eyes soften at the sight of your exhaustion.

“i know you love cooking. i get it, it’s your whole...thing. it’s just that we should be spending time together on the week of our wedding, not slaving away in a kitchen for all those fucking people.” as you vented at the plain white wall of the bedroom you both shared, carmen couldn’t have felt more stupid in that very moment. soon, you felt his weight on the bed next to you.

“and you’re right,” you added. “you can cook better than those fucks uptown, but i could eat cold pizza for all i fucking care. i just wanna marry you.” finally, you look at him, your eyes brimming slightly with tears.

you never thought planning a wedding was easy but no one ever told you it was this hard. while in the middle of transitioning “the beef” into “the bear,” carmen found time to propose to you, but life wasn’t getting any easier and the wedding date was quickly approaching. as you and your husband-to-be worked on last minute wedding details, anxiety seemed to creep up on you day by day. the slightest inconveniences felt like the end of the world.

eyes not leaving yours, carmen's hand cups your cheek and you lean into it, feeling instant comfort in his warm skin against your own. “i’m an idiot,” he whispers. first he pecks your nose, then your forehead, and cheek.

"i just want everything to be perfect."

"me too," you agree as you press your forehead onto his. carmen couldn't help it. cooking is his love language and the perfectionism and need for control that riddled his personality made him feel like cooking at his own wedding as the best idea for everyone. he felt a sharp pang in his chest at the fact that he didn’t even think about the implications of this idea.

finally, you lean into his lips, moaning at the relief that overwhelmed your body at the sensation. it wasn't long before you were both kissing each other hungrily, you straddling his lap as his arms wrapped around your waist.

"so you're gonna....you're gonna call them back?" you manage to say as you are out breath from making out. carmen began to attack your neck with furious kisses and bites.

"i'll do whatever you want, angel," he mumbles in your neck, groaning at how you began to roll your hips over top of him. you giggled at his desperate tone, peeling him off your neck and this time, taking his face into your palms.

"i'm so sorry. seriously, it was selfish of me."

"it's okay, bear. you're forgiven" carmen nearly melts at the sound of his nickname coming from your lips.

"so, now what?" he asks, his hands gliding from your waist, up your back, and down again. you smirk as you began to feel what he was trying getting at.

"what do you have in mind?" you tease, grinding your hips against him a bit harder. carmen hisses as the tent in his pants grows, pulling at your waistband.

"i need you," he whines.

"and i need you..." you trail off, running your hands up and down his chest, driving carmen even more crazy. "...to call the caterers." with that, you quickly hop off his lap, biting your lip as you hear carmen curse and chase you down the hallway.

#carmen berzatto blurb #carmen berzatto angst #jeremy allen white #jeremy allen white x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x y/n #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy berzatto #the bear

[ladylooch]

More Emma and Timo, please!

In the last two parts Timo seemed to be so involved by her breasts and she ✋ out of bounds, I’m breastfeeding!

Can we have him getting the green light to play with the “girls”? He will be so thirsty (after mom is comfortable with it, of course)

Girls Night Out with Timo Meier

A/N: Fuck I love these two. Thank you for requesting them 😘I’m so happy I could give ya a smooch!

Timo and I are having a date night on the patio of our favorite French bistro in Switzerland. Lio is with my parents for the night, having his first sleep over. Timo and I are grateful for the alone time, especially after another long season for the Devils. It feels like we see each other less and less every year because of the team’s success. I hate to complain, but I miss him when he is gone.

Our dinner has basically ended, we are just waiting for the check. I savor the last sip of my wine, closing my eyes and letting out a little moan. When my eyes open, my husband is smirking at me.

“That wine is making you say more than I did last night.” He chuckles. “What gives?”

“I’ve had you a lot the last 8 months. Wine, not so much.” I’ve had alcohol since giving birth to Lio, but it’s been limited and sporadic because of the extra planning around breastfeeding. Timo sighs, leaning back in his chair.

“We have a baby and get married. Now she moans louder at wine than me. Is this the end for us?” A small chuckle escapes my lips.

“I hope not… because the girls are hoping to see you tonight.” I swipe the air above my breasts. I’m wearing a emerald, deep v dress tonight on purpose to tease him with peeks of his dessert. I stopped feeding Lio about three weeks ago and finally feel like my breasts have transitioned back into a turn on zone.

Timo bolts up straight in his chair.

“Baby, don’t play with me.”

“I wouldn’t. I know how much you miss them.”

“Come over here.” He begs me, sliding his wire chair back from the table to make space. I laugh, tossing my napkin onto the table and coming to sit in his lap. I bring my hands around his shoulders and sit with my butt atop his strong thighs. He brings our lips together, sucking my bottom one into his mouth. His teeth nibble on it too.

“Thank you for coming in tonight. Best wishes on your night.” The waiter says, dropping off the completed bill.

“Thank you.” Timo and I say in unison, not taking our eyes off each other.

“Let’s go home, baby.” He taps my butt for me to stand. 

We are like 16 year olds, giggling and running back to the car. Timo Meier has always been a confirmed boob guy and the idea of having them in his mouth again has deleted the idea of cheesecake tonight.

The expensive, black Mercedes purrs to life as I set my hand on Timo’s thick thigh. I circle my nails along the fabric of his tan shorts, building pressure with each pass. Timo reaches down for my hand, moving it so I can grip his hard cock. He exhales heavily when I squeeze. I run my fingers up to his button, popping it open. He glances over at me briefly, desperately, then back to the winding road. 

“Mrs. Meier.” He groans in appreciation as I pull him out of his clothes. He is hard and warm, velvet skin tight beneath my grip. I stroke up with my hand. “Baby, be careful.” He says when I unbuckle my seatbelt. 

“You be careful.” I murmur with my lips against his cock. I slide my mouth down as Timo brings one hand off the steering wheel to rest of the back of my head. He doesn’t press down, just enjoys the bobbing of my head over his length. 

“That feels so good, Em.” His thighs spread wider on the leather seat, giving a small thrust up into me until the tip of his cock is at the back of my throat. “Oh my god." I get wet at his passionate moan. "Okay, that’s enough for now. We have a baby at home that I don’t want to orphan.” I shake my head at his words, but lean back into my seat and return my seatbelt. 

Timo reaches over, sliding his hand into the V of my shirt, fondling my breast. I grip his hand over the fabric, working his fingers the way I want him to touch me. He flattens his palm. I rub the pads of it over my pebbled nipple. I sigh, reveling in how good it feels to have his hands on me here again. He takes over control, threading my finger through the web of his fingers, squeezing it tightly.

The rest of the drive home is a slow build for both of us. We tease fingerprints over any skin we can reach while staying buckled. Feminine grunts fall from my lips. I even touch myself for a moment to watch Timo’s head fall back in agony against the seat at having five more minutes before we are home.

We get to our newly built house on the lake, close to Nico’s, and drive into the garage. Timo stabs at the opener to close the door, turning and unbuckling my seatbelt. He pulls me to my knees in the passenger seat, aggressively kissing me until I can’t breathe. Moans and groans fill the car as the windows begin to steam from our moisture. Our hands are everywhere. On Timo’s still exposed cock. On my left breast hanging out of my dress. Along my ass finished by a firm grip of his hand.

“Fuck, I am never going to get enough of you.” I sigh to him as we pull apart to gasp for air. I squeeze his cock again in my hand, causing him to grope for the door handle. 

“Meet me at the front of the car.” His hot breath assaults my wet lips as he speaks before pulling away to exit.

“Okay.” I respond, opening my door and walking forward to him. We meet in the middle, crashing our bodies into each other. Timo lifts me up onto the hood of the car, splaying me along the black metal.

“Since I picked this car up, I’ve wanted to lay you here... Fuck you until you can’t speak.” My tongue comes out of my mouth, caressing my top lip as he pushes my skirt up. He pauses, seeing I have no panties on. “Your husband let you out like this?” He asks me, stroking a finger through my wet folds. My dress is soaked from where I was sitting on it in the car and it feels damp against my back. 

“I didn’t tell him. Wanted him to touch me to find out.” He grins, leaning down to press his lips to my mound. His tongue draws a trail to my clit, sucking it into his mouth as he widens my knees further. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t, baby.” He says, kissing my clit one last time before moving his mouth so he can stroke his cock through.

I wiggle my hips into him with each stroke, wanting him to cram himself inside of me. One hand guides his plumped head into my entrance as the other comes to move my dress off of my breasts. Timo’s eyes darken at my pebbled nipples. He pushes in, then brings his face down to suck my nipple into his mouth. The feeling is incredible. I thread my fingers through his hair as he moans against my breast. His cheeks suck in with his playing, tongue stabbing at the bead in his mouth. The wet muscle tracks over every millimeter of the bud, tasting and tracing the texture of it. I wasn’t sure if I was still going to like this after breastfeeding. I think I like it more.

Timo’s hips begin to move forward and back. We rock the car with our motions, heavy breathing filling our garage. Timo moves over to the other breast, creating the same pattern and tension that has my chest arching up into his face. I grip his hair, forcing him to stay there as he changes the angle of his hips to go deeper. His thrusting is perfect- deep, on tempo, and at a perfect angle that has his balls slapping against my ass. 

My breath gets caught in my lungs while my focus narrows to only his cock stroking my pussy and his tongue’s continued circling of my nipple. Timo’s other hand comes back to my left nipple, rolling it back into a piercing bud. 

“Oh…” I start but stop because my orgasm is rocking so hard through my body I can’t finish. A tortured sound comes from my throat. Timo smiles against my nipple then gives it one final suck to add an extra edge to my pleasure. My head falls straight back, smacking the hood of the car loudly. The metal wobbles beneath the force. “Oh my god.” I finally yell, my body shudders around his shaft pulling ribbons of his orgasm out as well. My nails dig into his head as my breast stifles Timo’s final moans.

I am still seeing stars when he releases my nipple from between his lips. 

“Ohmygod.” I mouth silently, eyes closed as my husband pulls himself from me. His cock bounces in the air, glistening as he looks down at my used body. My dress is twisted every which way around me. His cum drips from me onto the hood of the car. My nipples are cutting the air with demand. 

The afterglow wraps my body in warmth. I can feel sweat beginning to form along my hairline as Timo’s blue gaze continues to gorge on me. His teeth rake at his bottom lip as he focuses on controlling this breathing. He leans forward to kiss me on the mouth. His tongue licks at mine for a moment, before he presses our foreheads together. 

“I love us, baby. You, Me, Lio. I can’t stop thinking about earlier when you talked about how lucky we are that I get to live my dream.” He murmurs, looking into my eyes. “But it’s not hockey anymore. From the moment we kissed for the first time, you became my dream. Thank you for making it come true.”

“I love us too.” I whisper against his mouth. We stay there for a moment, trading sweet kisses and I love yous until a chill shivers me against his body. He gives me a final kiss, then brings me into his arms to carry me into the house. In the kitchen, he sets me on my feet. I rearrange my dress back into place, glancing at Lio’s high chair.

“I was so excited to have you tonight. And that was amazing. But now I miss our baby.”

“Me too, so I’m gonna go get him.” Timo says, pulling his keys out of his pocket again. “Call your mom and tell her I’ll be there for him in ten minutes.”

#TM: Loving & Leaving #Timo Meier #Timo Meier smut #Timo Meier series #New Jersey devils #my writing #hockey fan fiction #hockey writing #NHL writing #writing request

[jasmine-angel]

im gonna say it on here bc it’s safer than my other socials atm. i don’t think im trans (fully). i was dead sure for 9? years. i feel like i am losing a part of myself - i am ACTUALLY gaining something but idk my heart is breaking a bit.

i was on T for 2 and a half years. i was gonna get top surgery (and decided not to for diff reasons). i changed my name. the sex on my passport is M. like. i was SO SURE.

now after all this time i’ve finally been unpacking shit in therapy and also learning about autism. and … yeah. i fucked up lmao.

it is entirely on me, i chose to do all i did and i chose to get done what i did. i consented to everything and i do not regret it. i just feel like… let down. that i wasn’t offered the support i needed earlier to understand myself and how i would feel more comfortable.

i am happy w a lot of T changes! like super happy. it made me feel like my own person. but.. yeah.

i think i would consider myself agender but i dont wanna say i identify that way bc its less of an identity and more of just my general understanding of gender. i have never understood gender. probably an autism thing! but i just DONT GET IT. i dont know how it is meant to ‘feel’ or how u even know which one u fit in.

since i was a child i just couldn’t grasp gender like everyone else and i guess that’s why i transitioned bc i never felt like a real girl. but then i didnt ‘feel’ like a boy either. and then i decided to come out as nonbinary but idk. i never ‘felt’ like that either.

to make matters more complicated, my abusive ex stepdad would bully and belittle me for being afab. he made me HATE being born how i was. the csa i felt was only because of my being born this way. no wonder i wanted to get away from it all. i refused to believe he could have an impact like that when i was 16 or so and people were suggesting it. it made me feel even more out of control. all i wanted was to be in charge of my body for once. transitioning felt like getting that control back (one of the reasons im so grateful for it).

in an ideal world gender wouldn’t exist n we would all just utilise hormones and surgery to feel good in our skin much like any other affirming surgeries.

for now i will use they/she pronouns. but idc really. gender is confusing and unimportant to me. i care more for aesthetics lmao ..

i hope this makes some sense n if anyone resonates with it plz dm me :,) i feel quite alone currently. i know it’s a very odd experience but i hope someone somewhere gets it.

#autism #gender #lgbt #they she #agender #jaz rambles about gender #to an audience of no-one #jasper rambles #trauma #trauma and gender #afab #csa mention

[space-writes]

pulling an uno reverse card on you this sts, talk about a modern au for a wip of your choice (or if you have fun tidbits about claws)!

i can’t believe you’re uno reversing me. scandalous

i wanna talk about modern AU obedience. you know it’s destroying my brain.

i really like the idea of modern AU Rizeth being an English lecturer. I just know that man has Strong Opinions about literary texts and also. he’s definitely a grammar snob. Oh! and he has reading glasses, so be as normal as you want about that fact. I also think that he secretly really enjoys poetry, and can you imagine him reading Ashenivir poetry? Or just reading a poem in a class and Ashenivir having A Lot of Feelings about it.

Ashenivir is a bit more forward in this AU, I think. He’s grown a much thicker skin because without Magic Eilistraeen Transition Rituals, he’s had to deal with navigating being a gay trans man who is just so incredibly horny for hot men to tie him up. He’s had a lot more bullshit about it, so he’s a bit tougher. Which does mean that in this AU, he’s way bolder about finally telling Rizeth he likes him, so the slow burn is less slow.

Keszriin’s still rich as fuck, but she’s house-sharing with Ashenivir anyway because they’re friends and she wants to live with her bestie :) (she’s paying all their rent, and she won’t let him even try.)

ohh, and in this universe Ashenivir absolutely internet-stalks Rizeth and gives himself a heart-attack accidentally liking a photo from like five years ago.

and now i get to send them to actual pride parades! Rizeth only goes because Shen wants him to, and god. i’m so weak about him loving to see Ashenivir happy and comfortable. doesn’t matter what universe, he wants that boy to be happy.

Dresvan and Pella have a moderately successful youtube channel & tiktok account. they prank each other and do stupid stunts, like setting things on fire. whenever one of them gets more instagram followers, the other refuses to speak to them for days.

Vuzree’s a piercer & tattoo artist. they’re usually the coolest person in any given room. i do think in this AU they’ve talked Shen into at least one little stick-and-poke. he’s got a little crescent moon on his ankle or something.

Obedience taglist: @foxboyclit @belovedviolence (ask to be +/-)

#writeblr #sts #storyteller saturday #obedience fic blogging #c: rizeth velkon'yss #c: ashenivir zauvym #ashenivir is terminally Online in a way that Rizeth is not in this au #rizeth finds all his references adorable anyway #lbr ashenivir could read the phone book and rizeth would find it attractive

[themonkeycabal]

The Wheel of Time Season 2!

There might be some book spoilers, but only small, nothing overt, more like talking about changes from the books to tv.

ANYWAY

Welcome back show!

After the dismal ending to last season (which I was able to forgive because I realized how fucked by covid they got ), it starts out strong. They wisely just take the key points from the finale and forget the rest of it ever happened.

During the first ep, the thing that struck me most was that the show feels more confident — or maybe less self-conscious? Less like they're trying to be a fantasy show and more just 'this is our world and our story in it'. If that makes sense? Everybody just seems more comfortable in their skin, even the show itself.

Like, even the costuming, which was good before, seems even better this season. I got caught noticing the textures of the fabrics - so often in sci-fi/fantasy the materials look like/are upholstery fabrics and they look stiff and awful. This stuff is handwoven (or a good facsimile) and looks like real clothes real people wear.

Also, again, PEOPLE WEARING COLOR! SO GREAT! The beautiful textures and patterns on the little girl's clothes at the Dark Friends Social Of Evil And Darkness. Adeleas and her "i've retired to Florida and have decided to wear every color at once" look. Even Moiraine's "I'm a French peasant laboring in the countryside" clothes have color and texture to them. And, of course, Rand's iconic and wonderfully over-the-top red coat. Perfection.

Lovely work everybody.

Assorted things as they come to me:

• Liandrin — she is stealing the show early this season. And thank God. She wasn't much of a character in the books, to be honest, which is weird given the point of her in the story. But Kate Fleetwood has given her so much depth and made her genuinely intriguing. And that's got to be the greatest trick to her — if you've read the books, you know her, and so how do you make her interesting in this show to book readers? How do you make her surprising or mysterious? I genuinely don't know what Liandrin is up to at any given moment, and that's fantastic. I'm so happy to not have one single clue.

I mean, she has a son? PLOT TWIST. And a tidy way to show the consequences of an Aes Sedai's longer life. I totally thought that was a put-on to manipulate Nynaeve, but, no, it really wasn't. She was genuinely pissed at being followed. And she seemed honestly upset when she thought Nynaeve was dead. She didn't even rub Mat's nose in it, and she could have — totally surprising.

I don't know what she's up to with Min and getting Mat away from the Tower. I love it. I'm interested in Liandrin and I never thought I would be.

• Mat — I liked Barney Harris as Mat, but there is a lightness to Dónal Finn that is more Mat to me. When he's ticking off the sounds Liandrin makes as she leaves, I said "oh there he is" that's Mat the trickster. The thing with Mat is he's not as cynical as he wants everybody to think he is, and I think Dónal conveys that really nicely. And he did a really nice job of carrying on the body language and speech rhythm Barney established. Smooth transition, A+.

Was kind of hoping we'd get to see him beat the snot out of Galad and Gawyn, but I'll get over my disappointment. Maybe it can happen later.

And now's about time for his luck to turn, so I'm super eager to see how they do that.

• Min — another character who's become actually interesting. She bored me to tears in the books. Please, give her something to do other than moon over a guy and wear boys clothes. Christ she was dull. There were moments where you almost might think RJ was going to do something with her and then they'd go away. This Min is much more interesting already, just by virtue of us not having to hear endlessly how wacky and weird she is for wearing trousers. Also, what's Liandrin got over her that she's been pressed into service to take Mat away from the Tower? Thrilled to not know.

Also, did not know I needed Mat and Min as disaster road-trip buddies, but now I desperately need that. The potential for chaos and mayhem with them together is just sky high. Please and thank you.

• Moiraine — sometimes I just think to myself "how on Earth did they get Rosamund Pike?" Like, amazing. Brilliant. A tremendous actress giving so much depth to a complicated character. She was so wholly Moiraine the second we first saw her.

One of my favorite things through season one is how she gets progressively more disheveled as things go. By the time they get to Fal Dara she's a sleep-deprived hot mess. She's pouring everything she has into what she thinks is that last push to drive off the Dark One once and for all, that thing she's given twenty years of her life to, and … it wasn't enough. Not only that, but she lost 'control' of Rand and lost the One Power. Sister is in a pure, desperate spiral at the start of season 2. And you just feel it every time you look at her.

And now she's being both self-flagellating and an unbelievable bitch. I feel sure that there's a well much closer to Verin and Adeleas's place, but no, she's got to go hiking halfway through the countryside to get her own bath water. Also that dig at Lan about having Tomas check her horse because she doesn't want her saddle to slip … damn. You really did that to him? He's more patient than she deserves. Of course, that's also got to be insanely frustrating for her because he just won't Go Away and leave her to her misery and obsessive hunt for whatever will make her feel more in control of The End of the World.

Moiraine is all about control and right now she is hanging on by her fingernails. Which are bloody and torn what with the lugging buckets of water halfway across Arafel every day. Really Moiraine? Where's Siuan to tell her to pull herself together already? And stop being cruel to Lan.

Poor guy. When she said you were never equals, Lan, she meant she was never equal to you! You're both big dummies and you need to stop being dummies right now. I did love Tomas, Adeleas, and Verin all being like "use your words, guys. could you please just actually use your words and talk to each other? light, you're both children'. Because, yes.

I imagine that, particularly after the fight with the Fades, she is feeling very helpless. She couldn't save Lan. She couldn't do anything. She had to watch him almost get killed and she was helpless. Oh, but, threatening to force the bond to Alanna, though, so low, Moiraine. So low. It was low in the books, too, but had the extra vicious twist here of being an active threat. Sure, it's understandable, she wasn't going to let him go off and get himself killed for no reason. She doesn't care if she dies, but she cares very much if he does. FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST SHIP GUYS! But, still, it's a pretty crummy way to treat him.

• Lan -- bb I'm so sorry your bff is being mean to you. She's just going through some stuff. You should absolutely throw her in a lake again. IJS.

• Verin — fabulous casting. And it was a nice way to introduce her. Making her and Adeleas sisters and sort of compressing that little side quest of Moiraine's.

I don't want this show to be a shot for shot remake of the books. I'd actually hate that. There's a lot in the books that could have been trimmed or condensed. And in a show with finite space, it's absolutely a necessity. So, I find it interesting to see how they introduce things in the show. They seem to be hitting major beats, but sometimes moving around how they happen, or even creating events that maybe weren't in the books, but do the job of explaining something that took 500 pages of description or introspection. Perrin's wife, for example, which gives the character a good reason to be worried he might hurt somebody accidentally. Something beyond "he was big".

Anyway, in the books Moiraine goes to the two sisters to dig through their library. In the show she does the same, but one of the sisters is now Verin, because honestly, why introduce yet another character that you won't really see again when you can use the time to introduce one you will? Same with Alanna/Myrelle — blending them is a smart choice and serves several story beats instead of one.

And the casting, though! I didn't recognize her from her headshot (and I'm terrible with names), but when I heard her voice I knew who she was immediately. Meera Syal is so great. They're doing so amazing with casting. Good job everybody. Really good job.

I also liked Verin's little bit about how oaths have loopholes. They've been cagey about if Moiraine is actually stilled or just cut off. They're kind of acting like actually stilled, but I have to believe the vagueness is intentional. But, if she's been stilled, oaths are broken. Does Moiraine realize that yet, or suspect it?

• Elayne — finally, the Daughter Heir. And she's so freaking adorable, I can't stand it. I don't know what I expected, but her pure, shining cuteness is delightful. She's like season 1 Jemma Simmons (agents of shield) in a fantasy world. "You're my subject! Let's be best friends forever! I've made novice-cell hooch under my bed!" Heh.

I love her. I love that she took the stripes for whoever let her bring in her servants, I love that she stayed with Egwene in the room with the arches, I love that she's got a lot of understanding and even patience for the people around her. She's a good egg, that Elayne.

MILD BOOK SPOILER I told my roommate (who's only read a couple of the books and didn't like them at all) that there's a whole circus side quest in the books and she immediately said, "it was Elayne's idea, wasn't it?" Heh. Oh please, please keep this in the show. I beg whoever needs to be begged.

• Selene — Excellent casting again. I thought she'd be more difficult for me to buy into, but no, I get it.

Does Rand not think to ask how she gets him into a party full of nobility? Or is he just so hyperfixated on getting Logain his wine it doesn't occur to him? Yes, sure, she distracts him with sexy times, too. And, okay, Rand isn't always the most observant knife in the drawer, bless him, but still. Rand, you dummy.

I do hope we get the flicker worlds in some manner. Perhaps when Rand takes himself off to his next location.

• Logain — Nice, I like this choice. He's too good to put on the shelf for a whole season or two anyway. Better than having him mope in the Tower, besides. This was one of those scenes were my roommate asked if this was in the books and I said no, but after I stopped to think a second, I had to say that it kind of is. It's different, but hits points from the books.

Interesting he still thinks he might be the Dragon. Again, really nice to see character building outwards, even in little details, like the wine. There's not enough of that for secondary characters in the books. Of course, there's 9 million characters in the books, so that's less a complaint and more an observation.

• The Old Sword Master — I like this too. There was no way to really have Rand cool his heels in Fal Dara for long enough to have Lan teach him the sword. This is a good way to do it, and his time with the man speaks to Rand's compassion and gentleness.

• Rand — overall we're easing into his story. I don't have much to say extra. Pleased to see the red coat, obviously. Pleased to seem him get his first, very confused, taste of the Game. He might be a little thick, but he's trying his best, okay?

• Egwene — very into building her own character! Loving the chores! Probably not much different from back home, but the promise of doing Greater Things as an Aes Sedai. Not super a lot to say yet. As far as the Tower concerns, the first three eps were very much about Nynaeve. Oh, did enjoy that tiny taste of foreshadowing. Also enjoyed the look on her face when Elayne said Egwene was her subject.

• Nynaeve — a joy and a delight as ever. I love her and I don't care who knows it. Is she abrasive? Yes. Contrary? You bet. Ready to punch, kick, stab, and/or destroy at any given moment for any given reason? Absolutely. She's great.

Her accepted test was more brutal than I was expecting. The first two were understandable, but the last one, when she comes back and still has her hands up as if carrying her child? Man, harsh.

And, she's going to be sooo furious next time she sees Alanna. I can't wait.

Very curious as to what Liandrin has planned for her. I mean, I can guess, but I won't spoil anything here, and this is a new direction. Thrilled to not know about this as well.

• Perrin — he's always kind of been the least interesting of the Emond's Fielders to me. Sorry, guy. He has his moments, sure, but mostly in the books I find him just an awful lot of introspection and 'refusal of the call' to the point that it's all very circular and boring.

Giving him the visions as they track the dark friends is a nice twist. It's unclear if it's a wolf thing or a ta'veren thing. Like I don't think Elyas is having visions exactly like Perrin's, more that he can smell what happened. Like Hurin did. I loved Hurin but I get using Elyas instead. There's only so much room for so many characters, and Elyas has a purpose for Perrin, more than Hurin did.

Also liked Ishamael giving Perrin a real reason to fear the wolves. Spared 1000 pages of Perrin tortured introspection! Hurrah!

Fade on the door! Fade on the door! I forgot about that until that bit. That was awesome. Never stop being a creepy fuck, no-spoilers-person-who-nailed-a-Fade-to-a-door.

Things that could have been better:

• I was a little unclear on where Perrin and the Shienarans where and when they reached the coast I was surprised. They could be a little better at establishing locations. I think only the Fore Gate in Cairhien got a chyron. I know amazon has a little map in x-ray but I should need that to figure out where things are happening. I mean, I guess I could have figured it by doing the 'five months gone' math. But still, I shouldn't have to do math.

• I would like, overall, for the ta'veren to start feeling a little more ta'veren-y. Let's start seeing some random ass wtf-ery. They actually seem to have backed off the notion of ta'veren and I'd rather they didn't. That was sort of the point.

Alanna brings it up a little bit, that the Wheel is turning out weapons for the last battle and all, but a weapon is not the same thing as ta'veren. But I suppose it's early, Rand has not yet even begun to really mess with the pattern, so fingers crossed.

• Uno. Like. Come on. I don't even.

• Kind of wanted the Seanchan soldiers to look more buggy. They do look very horrible and terrifying, so there's that. I suppose it's a choice.

Also, it's going to be awfully hard to disguise oneself as a sul'dam, if one were to want to do such a thing.

• I don't really like the damane's pacifiers. I get the point of wanting to visually drive home the point that they've been entirely dehumanized, but I think it just looks stupid.

This is long and I'm sleepy and I guess I've said all the things I wanted to say. For now anyway.

Good start! Welcome back show! I am very pleased.

#wot on prime #wot show spoilers #wot s2 #long post #so glad this show is back #wot season 2

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

i dont know where else to do for thie but do you need to be on HRT to have ftm SRS ? i dont really want to get on hrt because i dont really feel dysphoric over many of the things it changes that i couldn't go to the gym or take voice lessons over so the risks aren't worth it plus im scared of needles BUT i desperately want top and bottom surgery and i dont know if its possible to get those without being on hrt… im pretty sure top surgery is but i don't know much about bottom surgery in general to begin with.. i just turned 18 and i didnt have supportive parents so it's only now that im in control of my own medical shit that i get to think about this stuff. sorry if this makes no sense

Stuff to know about medically transitioning to male:

-its not a race. You don't need to rush into anything. Take your time to feel comfortable with each choice towards your transition.

-its not a contest. You don't need to do every possible thing in order to be male. The important thing is becoming more happy and comfortable in your body.

Types of hormone replacement therapy (hrt):

-testosterone isn't a trans men exclusive thing. There's a lotta cis men and such who take it too.

-it is however, a controlled substance. You need to be careful about cross contamination.

-the most common method of taking hrt is through injections. These needles usually go in your thigh and you can do it every week or every other week. The effects occur more quickly than other types, however there is a bit more of a dip around the end of your cycle- especially if you do it every other week. This dip can be felt, but it poses no actual issues. It's just like a bit of a hormone drop, you'll be fine.

-if you don't like needles you can also do gel packs. I did these for 2 years and they're very easy to do. You simply rub the gel on your upper arm and let it dry. The medicine is absorbed through your skin. There is no dip with the gel medication, but it does take longer when you first start for effects to start being noticable. It also dries out your skin.

-there's also technically a patch thing that you can put under your tongue. But they don't suggest it cuz it fucks up your liver. If you don't like needles, just do the gel. It works just as well as needles.

What does HRT do for trans men:

-you're voice will lower (it'll get squeaky like a teenage boy first tho), you'll get a lot more hair, possible receding hair line on your head, a lot more sweaty, gain more muscle mass, a lot of hair (butt hair is no joke), acne (this dies down after a year or so), fat distribution, being unable to sing because your voice dropped and you're trying to hit pitches you can't anymore lol, facial hair (look at biologically related men in your family to get an idea of how it'll likely grow), taste buds might change, when you first start your emotions are gonna fluctuate (once your hormones balance out this will die down), increased sex drive, (trigger for nsfw) your clit will grow and become more sensitive, periods stop within 3-6 months normally (might take longer), reduced fertility, increased chance of certain medical conditions (ex: high blood pressure or heart attacks), easier to gain and lose weight, etc.

-always take ONLY the amount prescribed. Not enough testosterone and you won't see an effect, and too much testosterone will be changed into estrogen by your body. You can't take more because you missed a dose, or double up on anything.

How top surgery works:

-this surgery doesn't take long, but has a month long recovery minimum, with everything being completely done around the 6 months mark normally.

-in non medical terms, they take off your boobs, cut off excess skin, sew you back up in a way that looks like a male body, and put on nipple grafts that take a good long while to finally look ok.

-its actually not bad at all. I had no issues with my top surgery. Recovery was easy enough. And over a year later I look great.

-you do not need any HRT for top surgery. Testosterone has no effect on the results or actual procedure. So no worries there.

-downside is really just the lack of sensation around your chest for a while. It does come back. Some people report never feeling their nipples again, some report being able to after a year or so. It is dependent on the person, not the quality of the operation.

How bottom surgery works:

- this one is a lot more complicated involving multiple surgeries and much longer recovery processes.

-in non medical terms (trigger for nsfw), for the first surgery they extend your clit and urethra so you can pee out your clit like a dick. This is still smaller than the average dick and can't be used for penetration. You can get another surgery to make your dick bigger (involving a skin graft) as well as a surgery to get balls. Types and sizes of dick can vary.

-downsides are the recovery times and the time it can take to gain back sensation. Some people report never getting feeling back down there, or not as much as they had before surgery. However, the regret is very low for those who get it. Most people are very happy with the results.

-you do need to be on HRT in order to get bottom surgery. I believe it's for 2 years? You need to have your (trigger again) clit growth for a while in order for them to make it work.

How to start the medical process:

-research what's available in your area and talk to your doctor about getting a referral. It might be more complicated depending on where you live but that's really how you start.

-ask questions. Ask as many questions as you need to your doctor(s) about what everything will do.

-get a therapist. Most places will require a therapist letter in order to start medically transitioning.

-look up photos of results of everything.

-take your time

-take your time

-take your time

-you'll be ok. It's ok to be nervous, it's ok to be unsure. That's why you ask questions and you research to make sure you're comfortable with your choice. You'll be alright, it just takes time. You'll get there, I promise.

-good luck, and feel free to ask me for more info on anything.

#answered #ask #not discourse #trans #transgender #ftm #trans male #hrt #tips #advice #medically transitioning

[owo-shenanigans]

I see that Danganronpa requests are open again! Could i request Chihiro, Shuichi, and Chiaki with an S/O who’s initially super nervous about coming out to them as transfem, but eventually gains the confidence to do so?

-

Yeah i will. But also fuck you for choosing a character in each goddamn game its such a pain putting these in my masterlist. I cut Chiaki because of that. (NOTE: I use they / them pronouns for Chihiro because I’ve heard good arguments both ways, and as someone who doesn’t care about gender at all I don’t have a horse in this race.)

Chihiro and Shuichi with a transfem s/o

CHIHIRO FUJISAKI

They could probably tell that you were starting to question your gender, considering the two of you became friends very quickly at the start of the year.

When you came out to them, squeezing your hands and looking anywhere but at their face they hastened to reassure you.

“I’m glad you were able to figure it out.” They offered a bright smile as they squeezed your hands. “That’s always such a reassuring feeling. I’d be glad to help you go shopping for clothes!”

They don’t actually like going shopping much, as getting called miss by strangers makes her uneasy, but they’re willing to do it to make you more comfortable! Honestly they aren’t the best shopping buddy- they’ll say everything looks good on you, and their personal style is ‘what won’t let my skin stick to my seat after I’ve spent 12 hours coding’.

Chihiro even bit the bullet and asked Celeste if she had any clothing recommendations for you, as Junko is too terrifying for them to ask.

Celeste got very into it and took you on multiple shopping expeditions, paying for the clothes that she decided flattered your figure in her favorite shops (that you wouldn’t be able to afford for 50 years). Celeste is transfem too. I will kill on this hill.

SHUICHI SAIHARA

When you told him, he nodded. He had suspected based on a few factors- your look of discomfort when called sir, websites about how to socially transition were open in your browser when you passed it over to him, and a few other things combined.

He only shrugged and asked if you wanted to go shopping with his aunt. She had been very disappointed that her neighbors cute niece had in fact been a shy boy all those years ago, after all!

He also sucks to shop with. He’s not the biggest fan of loud places and malls / large shops are like that. He’ll say you look good in everything you pick out, but if you decide on something he thought didn’t actually look good he’ll hem and haw until you finally manage to get him to admit that the collar color doesn’t really go with your eyes.

He’s very lowkey about it. He’s not very open about his own queerness, and unless you say otherwise he assumes you’re the same. He’s not ashamed, he just hates when people walk on eggshells for no reason around him.

#dr x reader #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa imagines #shuichi saihara x reader #shuichi x reader #chihiro fujisaki x reader

[sylladextrous]

15 21 33 for the pride asks

hi val!! you probably know the answer to these already but here you go! ilysm

15. How has your identity changed over time?

oh it's been a wild journey lmao. at first for most of my life, I thought I was a cishet guy. I was so convinced that I wasnt either trans or gay (oops).

when I finally did realize that I wasn't cis OR het, I first thought I was nonbinary (and like. that's still not ENTIRELY wrong? but it's different and tgirl fits me best now). I kind of realized now that calling myself nonbinary was my brain's way of easing me into fully recognizing my gender. it was easier to accept to me than being a girl, at least at first.

eventually (read: two months after coming out and starting social transition) I kind of realized that I was Girl. I started to gravitate more towards feminine presentation and pronouns, and eventually I changed my name to a more feminine one

since then my gender and identity have been pretty stable. I'm a girl, but like. to the left a bit and a bit further past. it makes sense to me shush ajakkssks

21. What message would you give to your younger self?

girl!!!!! wanting to be a girl is not a normal cis thought!! being proud of your figure because it's shaped like a girl's (at least before puberty) isn't a cis thing to be happy about!! you don't have to realize you're trans right now but girl!! these are not cis thoughts to have!

also. you have ADHD and autism. you're not lazy, your parents just suck.

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate?

i am genuinely so fucking happy to be trans. like. I'm so much more comfortable and happy in my own skin. I don't know how to describe it, but just kind of Being Trans is so wonderful to me

I get a little giddy when I see old posts of mine where I state "I'm trans" because like. I am! and I love being trans! I finally feel like I found a place where I'm myself and loved for it. being trans is wonderful.

[female-eren]

You mentioned leaning into extreme hyperfemininity to overcompensate forcsocially transitioning and I was wondering if you could explain how you got out of it? I'm kind of in the same boat and I don't know how to just let go, I've spent so much money on makeup products I can't bring myself to use.

Well for me it was discovering radical feminism and seeing the critiques of beauty culture and femininity on here. I was still very feminine for a long time, even after becoming really active on radblr, but especially during 2021 I started slowly making little changes. I stopped shaving my arms and legs I think during spring, and then I fought the urge to shave during summer, and now it's been over a year. I kept shaving my armpits for a while until I finally stopped giving a shit and discovered it was actually fine, I didn't become more sweaty than before.

Starting university was a big change for me, I'd spent a lot more time thinking about comfort vs sexualization, and it was with the start of uni that I seriously stopped wearing makeup. Then I wore it maybe once a week, now I wear it once a month if even that. I also started dressing much more for comfort than aesthetics, started working out a lot more with the goal of building strength, not losing weight, and that helped my body image a bit.

It's still a battle and I'm by no means perfect in being GNC/embodying radfem ideology, or completely comfortable with the changes. I've still been fighting the urge to bleach my body hair this summer, I still wear makeup although very occasionally, I sometimes want to wear feminine clothing, I'm still very attached to skincare (esp as someone with acne prone skin), my body image still isn't great and I have periods of either intense dysphoria or wanting to be hyperfeminine again. I've actually noticed that being less feminine triggers dysphoria, which is kinda strange, but it's something I need to deal with.

What I've learned is that it takes a lot of time. At first I felt like I could never ever let go of shaving, or makeup. As time went on and I decided to try (a lot of my motivation was spite- why the fuck do I need to do this when men don't?) small steps, I started being more and more comfortable with the larger steps, giving less of a crap. I've thought a lot about my own behavior and what I was trying to embody with my hyperfemininity after I reidentified- what image did I subconsciously want so desperately to give off? Why? What was the connection between my wish to be a boy and my wish to be an extremely feminine young adult woman? The soul searching did help too, but it's not good to get too stuck on thinking. Introspection is great in smaller quantities I think.

I was not at all able to quit femininity cold turkey and in my opinion it's completely unrealistic to expect someone to achieve that quickly and easily. Like I said, for me, I've very slowly but also surely been able to stop giving a shit about certain things. It takes time but it's worth it. I feel a lot better about myself in many ways now.

#personal

[icarus-died-laughing]

i think i finally "pass." i've gotten misgendered maybe 3 times in the past 2 weeks, but i've gotten countless strangers using he/him, sir, etc. one of them even corrected themself and said "thank you, ma'am- i mean sir."

it's been great! but also weird as FUCK lmao

i'm a little over 6 months into my medical transition, and people are finally starting to see me as a man. which is fucking WILD, for many many reasons. i think a lot of why i'm so weirded out is some internalized bs. i don't want people to see me as a cishet man (read: ""bad"" man). i want them to see me as a gay, trans, QUEER man (re: "safe" man).

another part of it is i'm still very nonbinary. i've always described my gender as "none gender with left boy" and that still applies today, if not even more than before. i kinda figured i'd get more genderless as my transition went on, and so far that has been the case.

society also has a bad habit of trying to fit NONbinary people into a binary. (afab) she/they people are just Girl LiteTM, while (afab) he/they people are "girl put on a binder." (if you're amab nonbinary, you're just a man) at least that's what i've observed over my (bad) time on the internet.

i think that was a lot of the reason i was a little. hesitant? scared, maybe? to ID as nonbinary, because it felt too feminine. (which is, of course, comeplete bullshit, but we won't talk about that rn)

finally being (mostly) comfortable in my own skin has taken a HUGE weight off my chest, and has allowed me to think more in depth about who i am, without being pressured to figure out an answer.

i'm still comfy with Oliver and he/they, but i'd also really love to hear Adam and the "they" in he/they more. they/he, for now maybe?

tl;dr: passing is a great and all, but i feel like people still aren't seeing the real me, with all my intricacies.

#trans mlm #trans masc #trans things #transgender #he/they #they/he #trans nblm

[onlyonewoman]

I loved the first 3 seasons of L Word (2004-2006) and I cannot stress enough how important a show that was for non-straight girls/women and binaries at the time. My favourite character was Max, who was named Moira before he tranisioned to become his full self and while I loved the very non-binary looking Moira, it was just the best thing when he finally got to be called by his chosen name and becamed more and more comfortable with himself. I know there are a lot of people who assume we didn't see the transphobia displayed by several characters in this show because it's almost 20 years old now, but let me assure you, as a non-binary person who not yet had a word for it, watching Kit calling Max's female body "the most precious thing in the world" and comparing the transitioning to changing her skin color, I wanted to vomit and from that scene I couldn't stand Kit. There was a lot of transphobia shown in this show, but that's not a reason to not watch it - on the contrary, it's a vital piece of trans story telling history from a time when the common knowledge and understanding about trans people weren't that big even in lgbt circles. The L Word series doesn't take the terfs or other bigots or simply misinformed peoples' side at all, but it is damn blunt and maybe also a more honest picture of the shit trans men often had to take among lesbians. In this clip, Kit, who's a straight woman - and proud ally - cannot fathom the idea of someone born with a female body, not feeling at home in it. To her, Max's gender dysphoria can be cured by embracing a butchy style and see the uterus as a sign of strenght and stuff. She just can't comprehend Max literally seeing his female bodyparts as intruders, blocking him from seeing his true self in the mirror. Kit thinks it can be compared with skin color, which gender dysphoria absolutely cannot and I was fucking HOWLING at the screen in this scene and couldn't stand Kit afterwards. And yes, this was a long time ago in Internet years, but Max was my favourite character and no fucking wonder then "Daniella" Sea turned out to be a Daniel and the journey they made is incredible.

#the l word #max sweeney #2004-2006 #transgender #trans actor #things have gotten better #trans men are men #Youtube

[mrsandok]

The Magic of Art

It’s no lie that the transition to be a working freelance artist is hard–really hard.

But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean I’m not happy. 

I’m incredibly happy with the deep introspection I’ve had the privilege of having these past few months. Through the introspection I’ve learned how to adjust and live minimally–something I’ve always admired but had trouble doing to my many–many interests.

Which leads me to the point of this post.

My interests make me happy. Art makes me happy. Networking with people that share the same appreciation for art makes me happy. Having a clear personal goal of “wanting to be a better person through chasing my artistic dreams” makes me happy.

Defining a person’s “Burn Out” is a hard thing to do because everyone’s threshold is different. 

I normalized complaining about work because…well literally everyone complains about work.

But my woes with my work hit differently because I’ve always embraced that I’m more than just a teacher. When I complained there was always a glimmer that I could be so much more.

I’m a fucking artist. I’ll be damned if I’m ever pigeon-holed into being something other than that to make other people feel better about their misery.

There are a few quotes that have been haunting me for the better these past few days. I’ll use them to organize this blog post.

The more comfortable you become in your own skin, the less you need to manufacture the world around you for comfort.

It’s very hard to describe being in your 30s and realizing that I’ve only been somewhat comfortable, and at times damn uncomfortable, in my own skin.

I tricked myself into feeling “comfort” in a place that hired me in 2014 and trying to find happiness in a system that is fundamentally flawed for actually helping students reach their potential. 

I tried to feel comfort in my approach to teaching with these little quiet rebellions against the system with my students that understood my passion. I definitely found comfort when I found a group of teachers that nurtured and fostered my approach for reaching students in a meaningful way.

Nevertheless, the more I reflected the more uncomfortable I was knowing that everything I worked was not from the heart. Rather, it was from the flawed logic that came from the idea of “I took loans out to get this silly Bachelor’s, credential, and Master’s–I’ll be damned if this path doesn’t make me happy.”

I was manufacturing a world in my 20s and early 30s to feel comfort to numb the emptiness I was feeling doing this job I thought I cared about.

But in reality, I’m selfish and just want to do shit that I want to do.

Which is how I’m, slowly, very slowly, figuring out as I begin to define my role as an artist.

The reason why I’m so happy is how liberating being an artist is. 

I don’t have to desperately try to manufacture a world to feel comfortable. I have very little control over how the educational system is run.

You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.

This quote has speaks volume to where I am right now in life. 

I’ve spent the past few months saying a version of, “I used to be an English, Art, and Photography teacher. But now I’m pursuing Art Direction in advertising.”

Understandably, living in this limbo has been a bit unsettling knowing I don’t have a definable career at this given moment; nonetheless, I’m still incredibly happy with knowing who the fuck I am and pursuing my dreams from scratch.

There are plenty I have to be proud about in these past few months:

DJ gigs to keep me afloat

A girlfriend that inspires, loves, and supports me.

Planning and executing a solo art show with 6 original large scale pieces.

Finally, learning how to buy, cook, and eat in a nonwasteful manner.

A healthy practice of meditation and reflection.

Trying and attempting new things allows you to learn what I like and what I don’t like

I’m incredibly proud of those things I’ve accomplished and the unexpected growth I’m having in my 30s. Nevertheless, I’m still antsy and growing tired of saying, “I’m pursuing Art Direction in advertising.”

I need to actually do the work and build a campaign to show perspective clients in the, hopefully near, future.

Talking about what you’re going to do releases dopamine.

My friend Bryan told me this and I liked it for two reasons.

Talking about what I was going to do after teaching was keeping me afloat and happy when I should’ve felt anxious and depressed.

My prospective clients will continue to talk “big” but only a small fraction of them will follow through with their wants and needs. It’s natural and part of the process.

The previous quote, “you can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do” resonates with me because I’m tired of my idealism being toyed with people that simply talk to talk. 

While it is their fault for wasting my time and energy with their bullshit…ultimately, it’s not their fault for being dreamers while simultaneously having to shift priorities elsewhere that’s outside of me.

Which was the ultimate point of this post…

I fucking love artists and that magic that comes with appreciating the craft.

Working these random gigs that I wouldn’t have been able to if I still had the responsibilities of a high school teacher has been so fun strictly through the people I get to interact with.

I was in some terrible existential Groundhog Day loop where the same people acted the same way day in and day out with little to no growth to who they are as students, teachers, or administrators. 

This loop was broken once I was able to hang out with adults that care about and pursued a career in arts. This is very different from the students I attached myself to because they cared about the Humanities. 

It’s different because I was inspired by their choices and being proactive with their potential. It’s hard to see students be proactive with their potential when they’re living at home and forced to take classes to earn a grade they may or may not care about.

I can’t say that tattoos have always been important to me. In fact, I felt a bit insulted when a girl I was dating correctly pointed out that my tattoos are a big part of my existence and how I present myself to people. I’m more than just a beautiful body. /s

The only tattooed person I knew growing up was my future brother-in-law’s tribal tiger that his brother drew. I remember thinking it was henna and touched it jokingly seeing if he’d wince. He winced.

It was kismet when I started hanging out with Mayo, a former straight-edge teenager with two colorful sleeves. 

It was then where I was able to ask about tattoos–especially how one found an artist they like before the internet and social media.

I learned so much in such a short period of time. 

My biggest takeaway before I got my first tattoo was “tattoos is one of the last underground subcultures still around.”

I say this very seriously knowing that I was able to appreciate the tailend of when underground hip hop was still a thing. It was very binary with mainstream hip hop and underground hip hop. Then groups like Pharcyde, Dilated Peoples, and Jurassic 5 started making mainstream hits. Then labels like Rawkus and Aftermath emerged giving face to what was normally considered Underground. 

Then…the internet. The internet and social media killed underground hip hop. Every local rapper had their town’s street cred.

I digress.

But I still have that same sentiment to how special it is to have a community that appreciates art for the sake of appreciating art. 

The tattoo community is super special. It’s definitely mainstream; however, the artists that live and breathe the craft are still around if you care enough to find them. Sure, there are people that buy machines on Amazon and watch YouTube videos in hopes to become a self-taught tattooer. 

But, I’m not talking about them.

I’m talking about artists that probably could have played it safe and got a “normal” job but instead chose the grind of tattooing instead.

They do it for the love of the craft. Not the fame or notoriety that often comes with talent.

There’s some serious fucking magic in a community that supports each other’s art.

To think, that in 2023, there are people that are financially and spiritually supported by people that want their art permanently on them is something fucking special. On top of that, finding a community that isn’t focused on competition, but growth i each other’s respective craft that’s not rooted in copying? Shit is inspirational.

I was going to list every single tattoo artist that I’m lucky enough to consider a friend and write about why I fuck with them. But, I’ll save that for a future photojournalism project.

Just know, reader, that if you fuck with me it’s probably because hopefully you see my unrelenting passion for life outside of the ordinary. 

It’s a passion for art. It’s a passion for self-improvement while starving the ego. It’s a passion for community and networking beyond “what can this person do for you.”

It’s so much better than the rat race people are forced to live because they’ve blindly followed society’s rules of what success is.

I think i’m finally ready to be active with defining and executing the type of success and happiness I want.

Thank you for fucking with me.

- sandōk

[epsilontauri]

ignore

#don’t reblog #i will block #dysphoria #dysphoric #chest dysphoria #chest dysphoria vent #i think i‘m going insane bc this can’t be #that my chest has gotten bigger? this can’t be right??? #i‘m 24 i can’t have another growth spurt or whatever shit that is #and i‘m sure i didn’t gain weight or something or even if it’s a bit of weight gain bc i stopped meds and eating properly?????? #they can‘t have grown that much #i hate it i hate it i hate it #i need them gone NOW #AND THIS STUPID THERAPIST KEEPS FUCKING GHOSTING ME AND EVERY NOW AND THEN SHE COMES WITH ‚just one or two more week‘ #FUCK YOU EVA!!!!! ITS BEEN ‚a week‘ SINCE FUCKING MAY #like ffs my binders hurt again and i don’t really want to buy more bc she keeps promising me that i will get my indication soon #i don’t want that #i don‘t want to wait #i don’t want my chest to grow #i just want to transition and just finally feel more comfortable in my fucking skin #i just can’t stand that paralysing feeling that creeps within my chest and spreads through me #and i can’t keep wearing my binder bc my back is fucked

[sukirichi]

sweet lies [03.final]

His lies were way too sweet – and you were too addicted to make him stop.

cw. toxic! megumi, SEXY TOXIC MEGUMI 🥵, toxic college settings, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasm, orgasm denial, explicit smut, car sex, biting, scratching, sukuna is a sex god, MEGUMI WITH A LIP RING, slight angst

note. FINALLY FINISHED THIS SERIES AAAAHHH I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS I HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THIS SERIES TYSM FOR EVERYTHING! lotsa lub lub for each and everyone of you! anyways let me just say...sweet lies sukuna can politely rail me.

series masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03

It’s…a different story when you have to move back and forth between your newly made acquaintance slash fuck buddy, Sukuna, to your actual fuck buddy and crush, Megumi.

Sukuna’s polite enough to not meddle into your business as he’s promised, which you’re extremely thankful for, but you should’ve known the bubble of happiness would pop the moment you stepped out of your apartment. You’ve left your phone unattended and on silent, earbuds always placed inside to ignore Megumi’s calls.

It’s funny, actually, that he’s never replied much to you before other than occasional dick pic and ‘you awake baby?’ but ever since you’ve been…pre-occupied, suddenly you’re on top of his contacts.

You grumble at the vibration of your phone, Megumi’s name flashing on the screen. Back then, you would’ve soared and jumped to pick up the call, voice sultry and toes pointed at the ceiling as you try to keep in your giggles. Now, you’re dreading it, glaring at his annoyingly handsome contact icon that used to make your heart skip a beat. You’re studying in the library and have been doing a terrific job at avoiding him so far, and today won’t be any different.

With a sigh, you completely flip your phone upside down and turn back to your book. You’re on the second line of the paragraph when you feel large, warm hands caress the back of your neck, tilting you upwards to meet his curious – and certainly annoyed – blue eyes.

“Babe,” Megumi drawls out, minty breath fanning your cheeks.

He looks absolutely stunning today, plain and casual yet so handsome in just a black hoodie and sweatpants, his dark hair slicked back to reveal his forehead. For a guy who sure pounded into your skill he had no interest in you that went beyond sexual, he sure did know you well enough, the slight tugging of his lips a sign he could easily read through you. It makes you huff away from him, scooting – trying is the keyword – away from his touch. Megumi’s persistence leads him into you placing you right above his lap and cages you between his arms, chin on your shoulder and his breath floating over your ear.

You can’t help but squirm in embarrassment. Half of the students in the campus library have turned to look at you, and Megumi merely smiles at the attention, audacious enough to kiss the shell of your ear.

Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! In reality, you really do want to fuck him.

“Why have you been ghosting me?”

“I wasn’t ghosting you, Megumi, it’s called being busy. You ever tried doing homework?”

“You’re so mean to me today,” he pouts, but that pout soon brightens into a smile when you scowl at him. Megumi, albeit never really paying attention to you, your facial expressions have registered as second nature to him now. It doesn’t take much before you soften under his hold, still as mushy as ever, and the nasty fucker basks in it proudly. “There’s a party tonight at Okkotsu’s house, said his parents were away in Greece or some rich family shit. Wanna come and get wasted with me?”

“I don’t know, Megs, I have an essay to finish…”

“Come on, it’s just one night. It won’t hurt,” he shrugs and sways you to side to side, causing your heart to sway side to side in giddiness. It’s this – moments like this – that really fools you into believing Megumi likes you. And that sweet lie only turns sweeter from his words that drip like honey, “Plus, I’ve missed you. Can’t think straight when we’ve been apart for too long, baby.”

You pretend to think about it.

That slight falter in a split second brings about a waver in Megumi’s confident you didn’t think would be possible. Not that you can blame him; you never did have to think about it whenever he invites you to fuck around with him. In fact, you say yes a lot faster than he can ask you something, but something’s been changing you lately – or rather someone.

In the end though, you’ll circle up right where you belong.

Relishing in the rarity of having Megumi coddle you with kisses and affection, his perfume still as boyish and vanilla that deluded you into his faux aura of a sweet boy, you melt one more time. Hopefully, it would transition into a one last time before Megumi’s completely wrapped you around his finger.

“Fine. I’m leaving if it’s too noisy though.”

“Awesome,” Megumi chirps, pulling you in for a long, solid kiss. It takes you back by surprise that you end up wide-eyed above him, stiff hands on his shoulders as you feel him smile through the kiss. Then, just as you’re about to kiss him back with the same passion, Megumi separates himself from you and squeezes your ass. “Promise we’ll have fun, babe. I’ll even bring extra condoms.”

You’re not surprised he left afterwards.

But are you hurt? Most definitely so.

Fuck Fushiguro Megumi.

You were going to leave him, block him, ignore him, avoid him, and carve him out of your heart for good. It’s what you deserve – to be freed from such a toxic guy like him. His pretty face shouldn’t be an excuse for you stick around any longer. That party…well, it would be your last one, you’re never going back!

Still, it’s not that easy to let go. Years of following him around with puppy eyes and spreading your legs open for him like it’s the most natural thing to do isn’t just going to disappear in a day.

It’s for closure, you lie to yourself. That’s all it is – you just need closure. So for one last time, you’ll fuck around with Megumi, then you’d leave him. For good this time.

And yet – your mind still races back to him. His throaty, boyish laughter and the stupid way his eyes crinkle into half moons, his large hands slapping his knees when you tell him a really silly joke. Okay, he didn’t really laugh that much because he’s already passed out in the times you crack jokes after sex, but the few times he did, though? It’s magical, beautiful, phenomenal.

He’s so awful yet so irresistibly charming it’s a huge tug of war between your rational mind and foolish heart.

You couldn’t focus anymore in the library. If you wanted to pass your exams, you need to be somewhere that won’t remind you of him, in a place where a stronger aroma would conceal his lingering scent. The best option was to hang around in a local café closer to your apartment than on campus, and you’ve completely ditched your usual get up to just opting for lookinglike a complete shut in – bags under eyes, heart torn over a stupid boy, the usual Iced Vanilla Latte with the condensation sticking to the wooden table and soft lofi music playing in the background – it’s just the perfect atmosphere for you to wallow in self-pity.

And wallow in self-pity you did, your cheeks squished against the pale furniture while you sighed for what seems like the hundredth time that day. At the back of your head, Megumi is still giving you one of those slow, long kisses reserved for only when he’s half-sleepy, your heart doing insane back flips as you reminisced whatever moments you once had.

You’re so lost in your own train of thought you fail to hear the scraping of a chair, followed by a heavy body plopping across you. “Well, this is kind of gloomy…”

At the sound of that awfully familiar, deep voice, you sit up straight in a frenzy. Sukuna smirks at your reaction as he loudly sips from his matcha latte – which you would’ve never thought he likes – and sits back at his chair, legs crossed against one another. Unlike Megumi, he doesn’t seem to pose any other malicious intent, so you bury your head in your arms, wishing for the ground to just open up and eat you already.

“I’m sleep deprived and haven’t eaten anything except Red Bull and coffee,” you try to explain, “I look horrible.”

“Don’t say that. You’re gorgeous all the time.”

From under your arms, you scowl at nowhere in particular, ignoring the heat rushing from the back of your neck. Sukuna didn’t seem to be flirting with you, and one peek at him swirling his straw inside his cup proves your theories.

However, the offhanded compliment falls so naturally from his lips it takes you a back, and not in a good way. Defensively, you cross your arms against your chest. You knock your toes against Sukuna’s knees under the knees to get his attention, the taller man peering at you under his lashes, tongue innocently swirling around his straw.

I fucking hate men! – is what you want to say, but something different comes out. “Why are you even here? Aren’t you asleep in the morning because of work?”

“It’s my day off,” he sets his cup down, placing his chin on both of his palms. Sukuna’s gaze travels from your face down to the abandoned papers before you, a scowl immediately making its way to his face.  “Got too bored to cook so I came here for a light snack. As for you…ew, are you doing essays? I hated that shit in college.”

“Yeah, I hate it too,” you numbly agree, “Can barely function right now.”

Sukuna’s eyes lit up the moment you nearly fall on the table again, his palm quick to caress your cheek. If he can feel the intense heat of your skin from the sudden gesture, he makes no comment about it. Instead, Sukuna hauls you from your seat, nodding to your bag and papers before he rushes you out the door.

When Sukuna said he could make you feel better, the last thing you thought of was going to the nearby park. Now, you find yourself sitting comfortably with him, aggressively licking on the vanilla ice cream he’d gotten you from an ice cream man that passed by. It’s a great way to kill the time – or just to enjoy the day despite the rough start – because the sunlight feels warm on your skin, the trees above you shading you from extra shade.

Next to you, Sukuna is surveying his ice cream with the least interest, his brows furrowed as he notes, “Your crush is toxic. I suggest you cut ties with him and get it all over with.”

In part of making you feel better, Sukuna’s subtly given you clues you could tell him whatever’s going on in your mind. It makes you wonder if maybe you’ve been that obvious that even Sukuna could read you, but you’re thankful that he understood, because you really did want to rant about it. Your friends are just a one call away, but they’re not any better. They’ll keep claiming ‘Megumi just needs time’ because they know it’s what you want to hear to make yourself feel better. Though, every once in a while, you needed to talk to someone who could actually slap the harsh reality at your face, and who else would be more suitable than a mature adult like Sukuna?

Looking at him now, the contrast between your roommate and your crush is immense. Where Megumi is all bark and no bite, all needy and never giving, Sukuna’s silent and compliant, an extremely good listener with the patience of a monk.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yeah it is. Just block his number and avoid him. He’ll get the answer soon enough.”

“You don’t understand,” you groan in defeat. Sukuna faces you with worry written all over his face, seemingly tender in comparison to the tattoos marking his skin. Sometimes, it’s so easy to forget he’s actually a lot more decent than Fushiguro fucking Megumi, but you end up slipping anyway, turning to the sky just as tears prick at your eyes. “I…I love him, okay? I’ve always been in love with him even though I know I’m just someone who warms his bed. I know that much and yet…I can’t seem to let him go.”

Sukuna is silent for a full minute. You thought he’ll offer you some adult wisdom only people like him would now, but Sukuna simply snorts, happily licking at his ice cream as if you didn’t just break down in front of him. “Shit’s tough then.”

“You’re great at comforting, you know that?”

“Oh, I wasn’t comforting you,” he smiles and pats your knee, “Come on, let’s go home. I know just how to take your mind off things.”

With the way he’s caressing your thigh and his voice turned an octave lower, you chastise yourself for feeling aroused when you wanted to cry just seconds ago. But his fingers are inching closer and closer to your inner thigh, and he’s warm and strong – so fucking nice too that perhaps fucking him wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

But like always, Sukuna never fails to surprise you.

You expected he’d take you right to his room the moment you’ve crossed the door, but Sukuna dashes for the TV before carrying a huge blanket and heaps of pillow. You watch there, stunned. He makes quick work of fluffing the pillows before grabbing your wrist and pulling you above him the same way Megumi did a while ago.

The only difference? Your heart doesn’t skip a beat. You’re not intoxicated by his scent. You’re not trying to squirm away from him nor do you feel like a silly little schoolgirl who’s fallen in love at first sight.

Where Megumi is deceivingly charming, Sukuna is more like a strong pillar to lean on, which you do exactly. Your head rests on his shoulder, both of your legs tangled under the blankets he’s covered you with. He’s blinking as Tangled plays on the TV, the faint sensation of his fingers playing with yours comforting and way too comfortable. It should feel weird to hang out with a guy like this without him wanting to shove his dick deep inside you minutes later (your movie marathons with Megumi never really finish as previously planned) but with Sukuna?

It feels natural. It feels great. It feels like home.

You’re gaping at him long before you realize it, one of your hands absentmindedly playing with the strings of his hoodie. Sukuna hums along to I Have A Dream with a small smile on his face, one that forms into a playful glare as he catches you staring at him. “Don’t look at me like that. Disney is a classic.”

You fight back a smile. “Wasn’t complaining,” burying yourself deeper into his warm embrace, you’re lulled into an early slumber with Sukuna’s humming combined with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

His plan worked efficiently – for a moment, you forget your heart was aching to begin with.

After screaming internally for a good hour and a half, you arrive at the party anyway. The stench of weed, alcohol, and sex hanging thickly in the air is more than familiar to you by now. You ignore the catcalls you receive as you make your way to Megumi and fuck, he just had to look even sexier tonight.

He’s ditched his e-boy getup with a plain white shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, a Converse, and that black leather jacket he always refused to wear. Megumi really woke up and chose violence today, the minimalistic silver chain around his neck only adding to his appeal. You should’ve run away then – he literally screams trouble – but you’ve never been one to shy from that. Truth be told, you’re only pulled in harder, swaying your hips side to side as you sashay to where he’s laughing along with his friends.

Clearing your throat to get his attention, Megumi finally lays his eyes on you.

You’re glad you took the extra time to dress in your best outfit today – a lace orange mini dress that accentuates your cleavage just enough for a tease, paired with black combat boots and a white purse slung from your shoulder. Pride pumps through your veins when Megumi steps away from his friends, his hands encircling around your waist almost possessively. He smirks through your hair, those addicting lips trailing lower and lower down to your neck until, “You smell like another man.”

Now that you weren’t expecting. He doesn’t seem to be mad, perhaps a little jealous judging by how he’s grinding his crotch to your abdomen and tugs you closer, but this is Megumi in the question. He never gets jealous, so you flatten your palms onto his chest, eyes daring and red lips upturned into a smirk as you ask, “Why do you care?”

Megumi raises a brow – which really shouldn’t have been such a sexy thing – at your spunk. Normally, you’re too sweet and submissive to him, never would’ve even dared to dress something as revealing like this, but maybe you’re tired of being sweet.

Maybe this time, you wanted to match Megumi’s spice, fight fire with fire.

Megumi chuckles above your lips and swipes a thumb over your lower lip, humming when the coating doesn’t stain his fingers. He’s mentioned before he hates washing the lipstick off his dick, and the fact you remember that has him groaning at your ear. Unsurprisingly, Megumi’s already hard. He nibbles at the shell of your ear, possessive hands brushing over your collarbone as a silent promise of what he’ll be doing to you tonight.

“Like I said, this pussy is mine.”

You should say no. It’s evident in the darkness of his eyes he’s daring you to say no, but it’s too much. The cramped space that diminishes space until it becomes a myth, his hands rubbing circles at your hip, the glint of his new lip ring under the disco lights and anything, everything about Fushiguro Megumi just makes you feel so weak you can’t say no.

Satisfied with your silence, Megumi sweeps you upstairs. There’s already a round of Truth or Dare going on with a bunch of drunk and half-high college students, the lights red and the aroma of weed thick in the air.

It bothers you so you stick close to Megumi, nose stuck at the collar of his leather jacket. He’s not satisfied with just you sitting next to him; Megumi is territorial. He makes sure you’re comfy and using his lap like a throne, clasping both your hands in your lap while he boredly stares at his friends. Okkotsu Yuta, the host who used to be super shy in his freshman year but became one of the most sought after guys in his junior year, sits across from you in the circle. He’s already giggling in his drunken state while Nobara Kugisaki makes the mistake of choosing dare, flinging her bra straight at a very enthusiastic Yuuji.

They spin the bottle and it lands straight at you. Megumi hums in anticipation at the crook of your neck, his little sounds mixed with his heated touches sending fire straight down your core. It’s inebriating to have him this close, but you need to keep a straight head if you want to survive.

Fighting the arousal pooling at your stomach, you offer a flat smile. “Truth.” As expected, the crowd isn’t pleased. They holler, “Booooo,” with their hands cupped around their mouths, the others snickering at you, though you’re quite satisfied with the safety of your choice. You could be crazy with Megumi, but being crazy around others isn’t something you’re comfortable with.

Thankfully, Yuta shushes the crowd dramatically with a threat he’ll kick them out with his infamous Katana that’s been passed down by an ancestor. Once everyone’s calmed down, Yuta smirks at you, eyes wiggling as he asks, “Who’s the best dick you ever had?”

You don’t think twice about it. Someone else’s face pops up for a split second, but it’s so natural, so obvious that you would say – “Megumi.”

“Speak louder, baby, they won’t hear.”

“It’s you,” you suddenly grow shy at the attention, whatnot with Megumi shamelessly trailing hot kisses down your neck now for everyone to see. He’s shameless as he rocks you back and forth on his thigh, all the while keeping eye contact with the other guys whose eyes are zeroed in on the swell of your breasts that are an inch away from popping out from your dress. It’s the best time to submit, the perfect time to give him what he wants, and his expert hands prompt his name out of you with a single suck at your neck.

“Fushiguro Megumi.”

“Damn, Megumi, you’ve trained your bitch well.”

“’Course I did. My dick does all the disciplining,” Megumi cups your jaw to tilt your face at him, cooing at you as you flush embarrassed from everyone’s snickering. “Aw, don’t pout baby, it’s all just harmless jokes. You know I treat you like a goddess when we’re alone.”

“Yo, man, get a fucking room!”

Megumi ignores Yuuji’s comments and makes an offhanded comment the latter is just jealous because he hasn’t had his dick wet in days, ensuing a close dog fight between the guys. Maki has to step in and kick the strawberry haired boy back to his seat, scolding her cousin to back down. Meanwhile, you cling to Megumi like a scaredy-cat, head empty with nothing but the way he’s never hold you this close and proudly before.

Just one last time.

“Megs, your turn.”

“Dare.”

Yuuji slaps his palm over Yuta who usually gives the dares. The older guy rolls his eyes but lets it slide, knowing that Yuuji could also let loose with his dares. Megumi isn’t afraid though, he stays docile around you, leaving little nibbles at your ear and even squeezing your boobs at one point. You know he’ll never back down from Yuuji’s dares, even as his eyes darken with mischief. Now, Yuuji is a nice guy, but something doesn’t quite feel right with the way he’s staring Megumi down.

“I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

Megumi freezes.

Time must’ve stopped because everyone is chanting, “KISS, KISS, KISS!” but he makes no move. You stay there, staring up at him wide eyed with your arms looped around his neck. Your heart is beating a mile a minute in your chest the moment Megumi’s eyes gaze down to your lips, smirking as he leans closer, leans down lower, and you close your eyes, waiting for the salacious kiss that would sear at the back of your mind. But it never comes and a gust of wind flies by through you, and before you know it, Megumi’s leaned over your shoulder, his hand cupping the cheek of this girl named Alicia who you’ve heard about from your friends before that she’s Megumi’s current pick.

Alicia was never supposed to kiss him back. Your friends told you, they promised you she wasn’t the type of person to fall for the likes of Megumi, and yet she’s smiling through the kiss. You’re still in Megumi’s lap but your vision is of the audience, their jaws dropped and Yuuji slapping Yuta’s thighs. “Oh, shit! That’s gotta hurt!”

You don’t think twice.

You push yourself off Megumi and run out the room, the sounds of their chaotic laughter mocking you to no end. You know – you fucking know – you’d never quite belong in Megumi’s circle. Everyone knows you’re just another one of his bed warmers, and they also know how much you’re hopelessly in love with him, begging, hoping that one day he might return your affections.

It makes perfect sense with each step you take further from the room. This has to be staged, intentional, because there’s no way Yuuji would’ve said that if he didn’t already have an idea maybe Alicia reciprocated Megumi’s feelings.

But what about your feelings?

Does no one really care? Were you really reduced to just another body count?

Your chest squeezed uncomfortably as you pushed past the crowd, ignoring everyone’s protests from how rough you were. You don’t stop until you’ve locked yourself inside a restroom, tears freely falling down your face. With trembling hands, you fall back to the floor, dialing the only person you could trust right now.

He picks up not three rings later, voice still gruff and laced with sleep. “Hello?”

“S-Sukuna,” you whimper, pathetically wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. “I’m – can you please pick me up?”

From the other line, you can hear Sukuna shuffling for something in the background. Keys dangle and he locks the door, the sounds of his rushed footsteps so relieving to your senses. “Where are you? What’s wrong? Did someone force themselves on you?”

“No, I just…I want to go home.”

“Text me the address. I’ll be there soon.”

You text him the address and end the call. From the outside, the bass is thumping so hard it makes your head pound. You’re already feeling dizzy from crying so much, hands clutched around your chest because it hurts so much.

Stupid Megumi, fucking stupid Megumi – but aren’t you the stupider one? You’re the one who chose to keep being with him despite the warning signs. You’ve heard what everyone said about him, his reputation as a fuckboy isn’t exactly a secret, but you hoped, you sincerely hoped you could at least be good enough. But you’re not not good enough – Megumi just simply doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better and he needs to go to hell, so then why does it hurt so much the more you picture how he’s humiliated you like that?

Your dress is beyond soaked from how much you’ve cried. At this point, you just feel achingly numb. The pounding in your head is matched by the soft knocks rapping against the door, and thinking it’s Megumi or one of his lackeys, you wrap your arms around your knees.

“GO AWAY!”

“Sweetheart, it’s me. Open up, let’s get you home,” It’s Sukuna. Scrambling for the door, you push it open and jump into his arms without a second thought. Sukuna effortlestly catches you, and the dam you thought had dried up in you breaks again. He stiffens as you cry on his shoulder, fists balled around his shirt in a vice-like grip. “Who the fuck made you cry? Is it him again?” he growls, “I seriously want to knock the living daylights out of him.”

“Don’t start a ruckus, Sukuna.”

“I won’t, I promise,” he visibly softens at your state. Sukuna rubs your back soothingly and lets you cry like that, shielding your vulnerable state with his arm. He moves you to hide your face in his chest and kisses the crown of your head, so gentle and unbelievably tender. “I don’t pick on someone weaker than me. That’s bullying.”

You don’t utter another word as he leads you out of the house. He mutters under his breath on how kids are so wild these days and he really can’t imagine he was once like that. Sukuna’s car is parked on the curb, and you rush for it, eager to go home until he stops you. He wraps his jacket around your shoulders to offer you some modesty and you offer him a weak smile, allowing him to embrace you from the sides to guide you.

“Hey!” Megumi calls out, “Hey, what are you doing with her? Let her go,” his footsteps echo behind you just as you clench your eyes shit, “I said let her go!”

“Don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid,” Sukuna mutters to himself like a mantra.

“Yo, steroid guy, you deaf or what? I said let my girl go—” Megumi falls on his ass. He stares up at whoever punched him, eyes wide at Sukuna’s arm raised, but his eyes are on you. “Ow! You fucking bitch, you broke my nose!”

“Shit,” Sukuna laughs beside you as you wince at the soreness of your knuckle. “That was hot.” Somehow, you find the ability to smile. You’ve always wanted to top Megumi, but seeing him below you like this, weak and clutching his broken nose while whining about it like a little bitch, it feels a lot more satisfying.

You want to scream at him, to release all the profanities that have manifested your anger throughout the years. But Megumi crawls back with something unreadable in his eyes, the edges of his lips tinted red with a smack of lipstick, probably from Alicia.

The sight has you scoffing. Maybe you don’t have anything to worry about after all – Megumi hates lipstick stains with a passion. If he ever gets with her, they won’t last long enough.

That fact is enough for you to flip your hair over your shoulder, glaring at Megumi one last time before dragging Sukuna down by the collar. His laughter ceases the moment your lips collide, your hands teasing around his neck to brush at his undercut. Sukuna moans through the kiss, the way he’s explicitly grabbing the flesh of your ass a sign he’s aware what kind of game you’re playing. You make a mental note to apologize for this later, but for now, you’ll shamelessly savor his tongue and the minty aftertaste, grabbing at his large frame that picks you up with no ease.

You leave Megumi gaping at the lawn after that, your finger middle raised right before Sukuna speeds off.

Fuck, that has never felt so good. This feeling…it bursts through you. There’s this certain satisfaction in finally having the power at your fingertips this time around, and you you’re your wicked smile through your hair, too absorbed in your own feelings that you don’t register Sukuna’s worried tone at first.

“So…do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He doesn’t pry afterwards, just shoots you a curious look. Just moments ago, you were crying and feeling like you’re on the verge of breaking down, but this adrenaline rushing through absolutely cannot fuck around anymore. The image of Megumi realizing he’s lost you is so exhilarating, and you twist your torso to face your roommate, grinning at his handsome features. He looks so delicious like this, black button up shirt left open at the top, his veiny, muscular arms driving one hand on the steering wheel and the other gently caressing your thigh. You suck in a deep breath, licking your lips as you purr, “Hey, Sukuna.”

“Yes?”

“Pull over.”

“Wait, why? We’re so close at home.”

“Pull over, I’m done,” you insist with a glare, although the animosity isn’t directed at him. Sukuna keeps his eyes on the road before he spares you a glance, smirking at how you’re already unclasping your bra from your seat.

“Oh, I see how it is. You’re going to use me as a stress reliever.”

At his words, your arms still behind you. You glance up at him with wide, worried eyes that immediately reach out for his hands in assurance. “N-No, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Usually, sex is a lot crazier when the other is angry. Use me as you will – I don’t really care,” he licks his lips and suddenly slams on the brakes under an empty parking lot, already flipping something in the engine. You’re taken aback as Sukuna discards his shirt in a second, his large arms carrying your frame to the backseat with him. Sukuna spreads your legs as he helps you get rid of your dress but it’s too tight that you just give up, leaving the material bunched under your boobs instead. Sukuna’s eyes darken at the lack of material under your dress, his fierce gaze shooting up to yours as he massages your inner thighs, his breath labored.

“What position do you want?”

“Fu-fuck, I don’t know, just fuck me,” you whine, spreading your legs farther to make space for him. He’s a tall guy with long limbs that he shrinks even with his fancy car, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. Sukuna seems a lot more focused in fucking you in that moment because he’s unhooking his belt, diving down for one more kiss that is a lot heated and rushed than the previous one for show.

“I want to get rid of his face from my mind, I fucking hate him so much,” you can’t help but bite down on Sukuna’s lip, hard enough that it draws blood. Sukuna groans into your mouth, the sound so utterly deep and sexy you drip down on his seats even more.

“You’ll still go back to him after this?”

“No…it would be stupid if I did,” you roll your eyes.

“Good girl,” Sukuna praises as his lips leave a wet trail from your jaw down to the valley of your breasts. His smile is quickly replaced with a sinister grin, one of his hands cupping your breasts at the same time his teeth dart out to playfully nip at your breasts. He really shouldn’t look so enticing under you like this, and you’re so caught by his devilishness you fail to realize he’s already rummaging through your purse. “But I think lover boy still doesn’t get the message. We’re gonna have to punch it through his dumb skull.”

He hands you your phone, Megumi’s contact right before you.

“Sukuna, what’re you doing?”

“Call him,” Sukuna moves up to fish a condom out of his wallet and slides it to his already throbbing cock, chuckling at the way your eyes widen at his girth as if you hadn’t taken him before. “Call him and let him hear how I fuck you better, sweetheart. Boys like him won’t get the message unless you tell them directly.”

His hands clutch the backseat until his knuckles turn white, aligning himself with your entrance. You’re wet enough that he slides in easily and you moan loudly at the intrusion, pretty little gasps a sign of your pleasure. Helplessly, you grip at his bicep while your legs shake from how tense you are, the tantalizing movement of his hips pulling breathless moans from you. “And what better way than to take what’s his, right? What did he call this? His pretty pussy?” Sukuna scoffs, “Fuck that, stupid little boys can’t even fuck you right, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

“Ngh, Sukuna, that f-feels good, right there!”

“Right here?” he teases with a stroke of his cock that brushes against your tight walls. Sukuna’s face contort into pleasure when your tight pussy sucks him in, falling forward just to rasp in your ear. “Call him. Then, I’ll fuck you however you want me to.”

You don’t know how you’re able to swipe on Megumi, but he picks up in the speed of light like never before. Sukuna mouths loudspeaker and you follow his commands, Megumi’s voice booming through the sex-filled air of the car. “Where the fuck did you go? The party wasn’t over yet and you’re hanging out with some beefy, tattoed guy? It’s your roommate, isn’t it?” Megumi curses at someone before continuing, the aggravation evident in his tone. “He’s such a fucking creep, I swear if he lays his hands on you again I’ll—”

“You’ll do what, kid?” Sukuna challenges, “Oh and mind you, she’s the one who asked me to fuck her. As her concerned roommate and the more mature adult, I believe it’s my duty to listen to her complaints and make her feel better, especially when she keeps whining she’s not being fucked good.”

“Sukuna!” You whine and slap his arm, but you’re smiling, the pleasure and satisfaction of slapping Megumi this harshly making you feel greater than ever.

“Are you sleeping with her?” Megumi sounds like he’s losing his shit, and you sincerely hope he does. “Gosh, Y/N, how low can you be? I thought you were my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Since when?” you attempt to scream, but Sukuna’s gripped your thighs and pulls your lower body closer to his cock in time to meet his thrusts. Your body slides off the seat and you’re left screaming Sukuna’s name, the latter wearing a shit-eating grin at the way you’re creaming around him. Somehow, your attention reverts back to Megumi’s whining. “You’re a fucking dick, Megumi, I honestly hope you choke on your small dick!” you shout and end the call, slapping your hand on your face as you throw your phone away. “I hated saying that.”

“Because you still like him or…?”

“No, because he was actually a good fuck and his dick is huge,” you say through pants. Sukuna must’ve hated how you’re talking about Megumi’s dick when he’s literally rearranging your insides, and Sukuna grabs your leg, manhandling you into the position he likes. You’re immediately on your knees with your back flat to his chest, your arms locked between your bodies as Sukuna takes you from behind. Your head falls back to his shoulders where Sukuna leaves messy open-mouthed kisses to your sweaty skin. “I fucking hate him. He’s such an asshole.”

“Hmm, well don’t spend too much energy thinking about him anymore,” Sukuna snarls at your skin, releasing your hands just to rub at your swollen clit. “Just let loose and let me take care of you. I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t even remember meeting him.”

The honest side of you wants to moan, the familiar tightening of your abdomen appearing already. He’s hitting all your sensitive spots that you can barely think, only feel, but you also feel so powerful and enraged that you cup Sukuna’s cheek, narrowing your eyes at him. You hit his thrusts by pushing back against his cock that causes him to slide in deeper, the large man groaning deep within his chest.

“You sure about that?”

“Oh, hundred percent confident, baby.”

“Let’s see what you got then,” you teased him. Pretending you’re not seconds away from coming is an even bigger challenge than leaving Megumi, but for the sake of riling up Sukuna, you would do it.

“You’re challenging me?”

“If I don’t cum at least twice, then that’s going to be a damn shame.”

“Twice? That’s not even the minimum,” he shakes his head tauntingly at you, increasing his pace until the sounds of his balls smacking your ass and both your groans are filling the dead silent night. It’s so lewd and dirty that your tongue lols out from the pleasure, eyes shut tight because you’re close, so fucking close! “You’re going to lose your fucking mind,” Sukuna said as a final warning.

You didn’t think too much of it until he pulls out of you seconds before you came. The crestfallen look written all over your face makes him laugh, but Sukuna only turns your body and goes down on his knees, hitching your legs over his shoulders. Your chest falls up and down as he dives down to your sopping, abused cunt, hands threading through his hair before he rudely flicks it away. “No. Hands to yourself. You’re not allowed to touch me,” he hissed, but his roughness is softened only by a little bit when you whimper so sweetly for him. “Don’t pout, sweetheart, you’ll get your chance when we get home. For now, since you’d so rudely woke me up and left me without inviting me for dinner, I’m starving.”

Sukuna dips between your thighs, tongue poking out to take the first taste of your juices. Your reaction is instantaneous and gratifying; head thrown back, nails dug into the seats, legs quivering and falling open wider to welcome the warm, wet muscle that licks flat from your entrance up to your clit.

“Fuuckk, Sukuna, slow down, ngh—”

“He ever ate you out this way?”

“No, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“Can you take it, sweetheart? Should I stop?” You know he’s teasing you, the sniggers muffled from your pussy lips are still heard but you can’t fight back, not when your legs turn to jelly at his ministrations.

“Keep going, fuck, please, I will slap you if you don’t make me cum tonight,” you threaten, and Sukuna smartly responds by sucking your clit into his mouth. He rolls it between his teeth, careful enough not to hurt you while plunging two fingers deep inside you, curling it into a come-hither motion that stretches you pleasurably. “Too, oh, shit!”

“You can’t even talk properly,” he chuckles, and the vibrations that come afterwards shatter your entire world. “And this is just my tongue. Feels too good?”

“Yes, yes, too good!” you cry out, “Sukuna, em coming!”

Your orgasm has no build-up whatsoever. You lay there panting with a silent scream as your nails scratch against his seats, toes curled as it comes down into you in one, hard slap. Sukuna hums as he licks up the arousal trailing down your pussy to not make even more of a mess. “Already? I haven’t even started yet,” he sighs sarcastically, “Don’t think I’m done with you. I did say you’d lose your mind, right?”

Sukuna has now joined you on the seats, flipping you to the side where he hooks one leg under his arm, your other leg extended to your side that remains flushed at the seats, his thighs squishing yours. It’s utterly challenging to move in this position and you’re completely at his mercy, the sight of his tall, dominating figure above you forcing you back into a submissive space. He doesn’t give you much time to recover before his cock is pushing past your pussy once more, bottoming out in one, swift thrust.

“’Kuna, too sensitive, mhhm—”

“You’ll take it,” he breathes out while peppering kisses at your ankle, “Come on, you’re a good girl, yeah? Give me one more.”

“Su-kuna, it’s too much!”

“Just one more.” Sukuna elicits moans from you the harder he thrusts, leaning forward until you’re crying out from the stretch of all the muscles in your body. He’s being nice today by letting you cum more than twice in the exchange of holding back his, because he’s absolutely throbbing inside you. He picks up a rougher pace from where he left off, saying your name through gritted teeth as you tighten around him. You’re squealing and whimpering from behind your fists, overly sensitive still from your previous orgasm.

His hips roll in such a mind-numbing manner before Sukuna rams into you utterly deep, your bodies flushed so close you can feel the heat pulsing from his skin. Sukuna tenses above you before he brings you to your orgasm, with him following not long afterwards.

Sukuna pulls out with a groan and ties his condom in a knot, discarding it above his clothes. Upon hearing your soft sighs, he immediately rushes your side and pats your cheek to wake you up. “Hey, look at me,” he commands, though his voice is gentle and soft. “You good?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out through fluttering lashes, “Yeah, I’m just tired,” extending your arms to him, you wrap your legs around his waist to bring him close. “Come here. Want cuddles.”

Sukuna gives in to your request for a few minutes and stays wrapped up with you. It’s perfect to be in this state, to be held so close and not just touched, the intimacy of it all bringing about unfamiliar warmth that only ever makes itself present when he’s here. “As much as I want to stay like this, we’re sweaty and sticky,” Sukuna murmurs through your hair, his hands roaming all over your skin. There’s no other sexual meaning behind it even as his rough palms graze past your mound. His touches are more like him exploring your body out of curiosity, out of the desire to just have you this close. You’re unsure what to feel about it and your mind is uncannily clear after an orgasm, but Sukuna’s already sitting up with you above him before you could ponder about it any longer. “Let me take you home first, then we’ll cuddle. What do you think?”

“Oh fuck,” you cut him off upon seeing the flashing of your screen. “It’s Megumi. Fifteen missed calls.”

“Lover boy is crazy,” Sukuna snickered behind you.

“Good thing I’m crazier,” you shut your phone off and throw it to the passenger’s seat, beaming up at Sukuna and giving him the puppy eyes from behind your shoulder. “Can we get milkshakes on the way?”

“I think you got enough milk.”

“Sukuna!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” he raises his hands in surrender. You pout until you feel something hard and wet poking your bottoms, and Sukuna smirks, gesturing to his erection that you haven’t noticed. “You do know that I’m still hard, right? I’ll fuck you again when we get home.”

“You could’ve just let me suck you off.”

“Nah,” he refuses, “I want to feel you come around me,” Sukuna cockily winks at you, and your mouth falls open, gasping in disbelief at how vulgar he could be. He steals a quick kiss then as he tugs his pants up, the sight of him rolling his sleeves back up to his elbows thoroughly…compelling that you’re left salivating at the ripples of his muscles. “I’ll just wait ‘til we get home. Right now, I need to treat someone like a princess and get her some food.”

“You should stop saying that,” you blurt out defensively, “Sweet lies won’t get you anywhere.”

“I wasn’t lying about anything. I meant every word I said.”

The tension thickens in an instant. Sukuna looks at you warily – or perhaps worriedly? – before he situates himself back in the driver’s seat, starting the car right after you’ve fixed your appearance. Considering it’s already late, he’s struggling to find any restaurant or diners open to appease your cravings, though he doesn’t complain about it.

You fiddle with your hands on your lap, unable to find a proper explanation to his behavior. “Sukuna…” you start off nervously, refusing to look him in the eye. “Do you uhm…do you like me?”

“What kind of question is that, sweetheart?”

“I meant…maybe you just like me for my body, you know?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” he tilts his head towards you, “I’m too old for drama and playing with people’s feelings. Like I said, the cards are all in your hands now. If you want us to just have casual sex, I don’t mind, but if you also want to be, uhm…” Sukuna awkwardly rubs at the back of his head with a clear of his throat, the tables turned because now he’s the one who can’t meet your gaze. “…something more, then I won’t refuse that either. I’m up to whatever you want to do.”

“And if I said that…maybe I’m considering getting to know you better?”

“Then maybe I would happily say yes.”

You smile at how easily he lightens up the mood, feeling a smile already playing on your lips as you giggle. “Just a maybe?”

“Just shut up and kiss me,” he groans, averting his eyes from the road (it’s empty anyway) to get a quick peck. You whack his arm and his laugh only grows louder; he knows you’re not really angry, because he kisses really good and you like it a lot more than you’ll admit.

“I’ll be a hundred times of a better boyfriend than what you’d expect.”

“You’re really confident, huh?”

“Oh, I’m confident I can treat you well,” he nods proudly, head tipping back to the backseat. “I did just let you ruin my leather exterior and let you walk away while I have a raging boner. Do you have any idea how much self restraint a man has to have to let that happen?”

“Probably an immaculate one. Megumi would never let me go unless he’s came.”

“Yeah, well, fuck that guy,” Sukuna doesn’t even bother to try and hide his hatred for your former crush, and you’re smiling like a lovesick fool on the seat. “You’re with me now. So, since I want to spoil you, how many milkshakes do you want?”

Back then, you were always too addicted to lies that seemed so sweet that you couldn’t be able to stop. But now that you’ve met Sukuna, perhaps the blissful truth is a lot sweeter, and it’s a much healthier addiction you’ll take any day.

taglist: @thesimpsclub @uwubby-1 @expectoscamander @your-consulting-fangirl @dora-the-grownup @cosmotoic @charlie-xo @kittaliapenn @sukunas-cult-leader @flowersgirl02 @cloudsinthecosmos @90s-belladonna @averysheart-raleighsdick @generousstudentpsychic-bat @kat-su-ki @issamomma @sklycan​ @ggsmashgg​ @dora-the-grownup​ @ninefuckingoneone​ @ambiguous-something​ 

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[misspearly1]

hi lovely! I just started playing tlou 2 tonight and got to that scene that shall not be named and I am really sad and in my feels is it possible to request a fluffy Joel Miller one shot where he and reader maybe enjoy the day together or sit on his front porch drinking coffee together and enjoy each other’s company. I’m so sad and would like to pretend joel is still alive and happy 🥺🥺💗💗💗 p.s I love your fics so much! Much love to you!

Hey, my darling! I am so fucking there with you on this feeling. I can’t even appreciate how great TLOU2 game is because I’m so broken about that scene, and it’s a shame because the game is awesome, I am just too wrapped up in my love for Joel to even go near it again, lmao. (hehe, I laugh but it’s quite sad actually).

A fluffy fic is what you need? Say no more my love, I shall deliver. I just certainly hope it is fluffy enough to make you forget about that godawful fucking sce- yeah, ok, I’ll stop now, you know my opinion on it already and I can feel myself rambling. Love ya, thank you <33

Pairing: Joel Miller x You (F!Reader)

Summary: An extra hour in bed in the mornings can’t hurt, right? Especially in the winter months. Well, you’re still in that stage of wanting an extra hour through the transition of the seasons. Spring is finally here and what better way to start off with the change from Joel waking you up one early morning with a sweet, kind natured surprise.

WC: 2.3K

Warnings: 18+, Mentions of smut but not detailed. Fluffy surprises. Lots of kisses. Joel Miller just being the sweetest.

AN: Okay, I would like to mention that the inspo I got for the start of this fic came from the discord I am in. We chatted about what our favourite season of the year is (I’m a summer gal) and after some consideration and chatting with another friend about her favourite season, I’m going with Spring. So, credit to my lovely friends for giving me some inspo to start this fic off.

Early Spring 2034

Feeling snug and warm in your bed, you nestled under the weight of the duvet, eyes tugging at you to go back to sleep. It was just so comforting and homey.

With the blankets tucked just under your chin, the reason it felt so homey was because of Joel. The smell of him lingers in the sheets, his heat signature now faded from his previous designated spot beside you.

He’s the early bird, and you like to have a little longer sleep when you can.

The early mornings are still cold, until the sun rises and brings the warmth when it’s at its peak. Therefore, you’re still in that ‘just one more hour’ stage from the winter months. The weather and season doesn’t tend to bother Joel much, he still gets up early regardless.

Sometimes you join him, sometimes he stays in bed with you, but quite a lot of the time, he is always up first, bright and early before the day even begins. Today is one of those days. You’re laying in bed, nearing six thirty am in the morning and wanting an extra hour of sleep.

Until he comes tip toeing into the bedroom, leaning over the bed and burying his head into your neck, “g’morning babydoll. C’mon, I got something to show you.”

“Joel,” You moaned. Partially because he is disturbing your sleep but mostly because he is softly kissing at your skin, running his hands over the swell of your hips under the cover.

The bed is so warm and you don’t want to peel yourself out from it, instead, you’d love to pull him in under the covers with you. So, you protested, “what is it, baby?”

“You’ll just have to come and see for yourself,” he grinned into your neck, still kissing you but now nipping a path along to the corners of your mouth.

Joel can be very persuasive, especially when he kisses you like this, causing a familiar blossoming sensation in your lower stomach.

“Okay,” you gave in. Eyes still closed, his sweet loving wake up calls were welcome and appreciated. Waking up to Joel Miller kissing you? Always appreciated.

Grabbing the thinly knitted blanket that you keep on top of your duvet covers, Joel used that to wrap around you while pulling you up from the bed and flush to his chest, not once breaking the passionate kiss.

He’s feeling extra loving today, and your mind wonders what he is so eager to show you.

Walking down the stairs with you, holding your hand while you wipe your dry eyes with the other, you can picture your hair being a mess right now, but Joel only sees beauty.

Especially in the mornings, there’s something so pretty about the way you look moments after you’ve just awoken.

Sometimes he likes to come back to bed to look at you while you have that extra hour. Today though, he is already starting to feel the shift in the seasons much more than you are.

His blood seems to run a lot hotter than yours does, and the summer months are a struggle in bed at night with the heat.

Pulling himself out of bed not too long ago, he stepped out on his front porch and instantly headed back inside to quickly do something before coming upstairs to wake you up. Joel knows that you would love what he has to show you.

The first thing you could smell when your foot hit the last step of the stairs was coffee. It was strong and pungent to your nostrils, in a good way.

Coffee sounds great right about now.

You turned in the direction to the kitchen but Joel pulled on your hand, “Mhmm, out here baby.”

Outside? It’s so cold out there. Where on earth is he taking me?

Inhaling through your nose and shrugging your shoulders, you decided to just go with it. When Joel pulled the door open, your mouth fell open with a breath-taking gasp. The sky above your head was still dark, blue and almost black, but off in the distance, it was lit up like fire.

An eruption of colours ranging from pink, red and purple, the sun hasn’t risen yet and Joel has woken you to come sit out on your front porch and watch it rise together.

Stepping out first and pulling you along with him, he gestured for you to sit down on the porch swing, decked out with blankets and cushions, beside the small rounded table top with two cups of joe.

Steaming hot, the condensation sways up into the air, pulling on you like those cartoons with the pie on the window for you to come take a bite but this cup of coffee was enticing you to come and take a sip.

Smiling to Joel, you expressed your joy from this simplistic but very meaningful surprise and excitedly pulled on his hand to come sit down on the porch swing. He had built this a couple months ago. Something for you both to do on quiet days, to just sit and hold each other close while watching the life of Jackson roll by.

Now you’re going to watch the sunrise on it.

The swing itself was huge, Joel made sure to go above and beyond when crafting the outdoor furniture, therefore making it big enough for you both to bring your feet up off the floor and lay back. It was pretty much a floating bed, possibly large enough to fit three or four people.

Adding a thick cushioned base with cushions around the sides, it was comfy as hell to sit on but what really was the cherry on top, was sitting in Joel’s lap while it swayed gently, and that’s exactly the position you both chose.

Sitting on his lap and pulling the knitted blanket over you both, the air still had a bite to it but the heat that Joel emitted was enough to keep you warm. He’s always so hot. Once you both were sitting comfortably, he reached over for the cups of coffee, handing you your cup first then grabbing his afterwards.

Your matching cups with patterned owls on the outside, it was the little moments like these that you love spending with him. He knows you more than yourself sometimes. Dating the man shortly after he arrived in Jackson six years ago, you could count on one hand the amount of times you’ve watched the sun rise or set with him.

After taking a couple of mouthfuls of his drink, Joel placed back to the table top and resorted to laying his arms around your stomach. Setting your cup down also, you lay your head back to his shoulder, bringing your knees up to your chest and holding his hands in yours.

“Thank you for waking me to see this baby,” you whispered to him, rubbing his hands with your fingers while watching the colour of the sky slowly transform in colour, the reds and pinks spreading like wildfire. Joel kissed your cheek, hugging you a little tighter while mumbling, “s’okay darlin’. I knew you’d like to watch it.”

Both of you smiled when seeing the sun peak over the horizon. Looking down the main street of Jackson, past the main gate and over the hill, the light glimmered through the trees. It was still such an amazing sight to see, the sky above you lighting up more and more with each passing moment.

Sun rises were a natural sight, but still so beautiful no matter how many times you’ve seen it before. A flight of birds flew across the skyline, their flock flying majestically in front of the sun now fully making its way out.

The clouds were like cotton candy, wrapping around the giant star, creating a truly wonderful scene for you and Joel to watch as you sat in his lap, held within his arms as he placed light kisses to your neck.

“I love you, Y/N,” he murmured lowly into your ear, his beard tickling you sensually and you turned your head, looking into those deep warm brown eyes, smiling, “I love you too, Joel.”

Closing the small gap between you both, Joel held his large hand to the side of your face, rubbing his thumb across your cheek while slipping his tongue past your lips. You could taste his bitter coffee in the kiss.

The heat from the sun started to rise on your face, cascading the light over you and Joel in the shadow of your front porch. If anyone is awake and outside right now, they’d catch sight of you both kissing each other lovingly.

Joel could do this everyday with you. To wake up to watch the sunrise right by your side out on your front porch with a cup of coffee. However, he has more in store for you both today, his early morning surprise doesn’t stop here.

-

Shortly after the sun had fully arisen this morning, your coffees drunk to the last drop and were ready to head back inside, Joel shared that both your patrols for the day were covered as he had somewhere else to take you. There was more to his surprise.

Joining you in a shower before heading out for the day, it was supposed to be a quick wash under the spray, however, his loving kisses escalated into something more, something wonderfully pleasurable.

Joel showed you just how much he loves you, so much so that your legs wobbled when exiting the shower, with a happy ache in your core, love bites to your neck and probably some light bruising to your hips.

Getting dressed together then preparing a picnic basket of food to take with you, both of you were out of Jackson and on your horses not even thirty minutes later. It took you a further hour of traveling on your horses to get to this destination and this is where you are now.

And it was heavenly. Absolutely paradisiacal to the eyes.

Sitting opposite Joel in a canoe, rowing along a silent and calm lake, the water below mirrored the skies above and it literally looked like you were floating along the fluffy clouds. Bringing the boat to a stop, it rocked gently as the water rippled across the lake.

“I don’t know about you, babydoll,” he grinned, leaning forward and reaching for the picnic basket in between you both, Joel opened it up and chuckled, “But I’m fucking starving.”

Giggling to him, you were hungry as well and you leaned forward to grab a sandwich. Inside the wicker basket was a range of fruit too. Joel had made an effort to pop into the greenhouse at the back of your home to pick out a couple different berries.

And of course, there were two flasks of coffee.

Just as you were reaching for a blueberry, Joel grabbed it first and placed it to your lips. Chuckling with you as you took the fruit from his fingers. He was teasing his finger across your bottom lip and you tilted your head into the palm of his hand, closing your eyes to relish in the feel of his embrace.

He always knows how to make you feel loved, to feel special. Kissing his palm, you brought your hand up to squeeze his before leaning back into your spot on the boat and to eat your sandwich.

Both of your stomachs were growling with a need to eat. Joel’s was for another reason.

Eating together in peace, it was a comfortable silence between you both and while you were admiring the scenery in your surroundings, the greenery of nature, the darkness of the water below, the pretty blue skies above with an even warmth around you both, it was nice out today.

It was perfect in every way, from the moment you awoke all the way up to this point now.

While you looked across the lake, you could feel Joel’s gaze lingering on you. He was hunched over, elbows placed to each knee while his eyes roamed up and down your body.

You smiled. Still looking across the lake while taking a sip from your flask, you couldn’t help but smile at your man for telling you he loves you without saying the words.

He didn’t have to say them, you can feel his love, just by the way he looks at you and you hope that these special moments will last forever, because you never want to stop feeling his love.

“Y/N,” he spoke softly, calling your attention and you looked at him with surprise in your face. Nearly choking on your drink, the breath caught in your throat as you brought the flask down and stared at a ring held between Joel’s fingers.

The world around you slowed, your heart stopped beating for a second in your chest as you stared at that ring. A simplistic gold band, beautiful and shiny, glimmered in the sunlight in between his fingers.

“Marry me, babydoll,” your eyes shot up to look at him when he said those words. His bottom lip trembling with the brightest smile on his face, his eyes that were spewing his love for you. Joel’s eyes were glossed over, tears welling up in the corners as he patiently awaited your answer.

He has just asked you to marry him and you're staring at him, shocked and speechless.

You spluttered in a heartfelt sob while nodding your head. Carefully moving to the middle of the canoe, Joel moved closer too and placed the ring on your finger, then wiped the tears from underneath your eyes.

You did the same with him, wiping his cheeks and running your hands through his hair, you pulled him in for a searing kiss and whispered cheerfully between more tears, “Yes-yes, I will marry you, Joel.”

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[elysianslove]

Hewwooo! This ask just came into my mind and I wanted to share. So Yuuji has a girlfriend that is a civilian and at first Sukuna is annoyed by her but as time passed he starts to take a like on her since she's always so nice to him despite him being a curse. And he's just so confused about his feelings because him being the king of curses falling for a weakling? Ridiculous. I want to read your interpretation of this idc if its hcs or scenario. Do whatever you like❤

hi my love!! i really hope you like this!! i made it into headcanons so i can go over a larger span of time more smoothly, so i hope that’s okay!

i’m getting so many sukuna requests hell yes 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

okay so let’s make it that you’re yuuji’s gf from before he ate sukuna’s finger ( yeah btw wtf is up with your bf ??? )

he called you as soon as they’d announced the death of his grandpa, because it had felt like you were the last family he had left. seriously you’re his whole world

you’re there when megumi starts explaining stuff about how this finger’s super dangerous and people will die you and yuuji are like 😃✋🏼 wha 

but also so unbothered bc he can’t be serious

turns out he is serious laugh out loud

yuuji makes you go home as you’re at the school gate and you’re like mf what??? no???? i’m not leaving you?? 

he ends up making you wait and then he just never comes back

megumi explains everything to you 

but again you’re like 😃✋🏼 pause wtf 

you keep texting him and calling him and he’s not responding you’d be angry at him if you weren’t so fucking worried 

and so eventually he finds you again 

after eating sukuna’s second finger (again, what the fuck sir) 

now megumi had told you he was now like ? possessed ? by a curse? it sounded like gibberish to you tbh and it was the last thing you were thinking about when you finally saw him again

all that mattered was that he was okay and alive and in your arms 

you’ve never hugged him tighter tbh 

so anyways ! yuuji does not want you to meet sukuna 

like ever 

but when he meets you one day really frustrated from a mission, you ask him about it, and he just vents out everything to you. he tells you how the responsibility can be so overwhelming sometimes, and how sukuna can be so infuriating and you can’t imagine what it must be like having this guy in your head 

and then you just go 

“can i meet him?” 

at first he’s like absolutely not ma’am are u insane 

but then you convince him, telling him you trust him and reminding him he has control 

so he shifts 

you really were expecting something horrendous like seriously you were anticipating fainting from fear 

he’s just your bf 

with a rougher edge 

you like instantly relax 

even if this guy’s expressions are nothing like yuuji’s, you remind yourself that it’s still yuuji inside, no matter what 

“i like your — tats?” 

what do you even say to a curse??? 

he’s scowling at you so much you might piss yourself but you just repeat constantly that he can’t hurt you 

“you disgust me,” he spits out

yuuji shifts back so quick, and just groups you on his arms 

“that wasn’t me, i swear,” he says to you and you have to calm him down and tell him it’s okay !!  it’s not his fault the guy’s an ass 

now! yuuji’s pretty comfortable with your level of physical affection 

in fact, he loves it so much. it’s one of his favorite things about you. 

so he’s always welcoming an embrace from his favorite person in the world, but it’s so hard to ignore sukuna’s words in his mind repeatedly saying how this is so revolting 

he tries his best to pay him no attention 

sometimes y’all will be cuddling and a mouth appear somewhere on yuuji’s body and it’ll say “get ur hands off my vessel human!” and ngl

it always makes you laugh

like how comical is that

eventually, over time, the hugs are 

kinda nice, sukuna realizes 

like he’s a thousand year old cursed spirit

he’s not really gotten any affection yk 

like ever 

and it’s not that he ever wanted it

but being with you

or well, him possessing yuuji and yuuji being with you and you being with him through transitive property (thank you grade 7 math)  

it really like softens him

kinda 

a little bit 

like the tiniest bit 

some part of him, he probably thinks it’s yuuji and not even him and that he’s just confused but really some part of him grows to anticipate the hugs 

and when you kiss yuuji 

god

your mouth feels so good he wants to feel it for himself 

it’s like angering him how you’re growing onto him, so he asks yuuji to shift them 

and they do shift

you’re a little surprised bc yuuji gave u like a 3 sec warning before those familiar markings appeared on his skin

“i never thought i’d see you again,” you admit. 

and he just kisses you 

like full on the mouth 

no warning

you pull him back in shock, and rest a hand on his shoulder to keep a distance between you two

“i don’t know where this is coming from but it doesn’t feel right, sukuna.” 

and you’re just

you’re just so nice

why are you so nice???

“i love yuuji, so much, and even though you’re sharing a body you’re still a whole other person. it feels wrong.” 

god why are you so good? it’s infuriating???? 

yuuji shifts back, starts apologizing again like the first time

“you have to stop apologizing for something someone else did, babe.” 

when he’s alone with sukuna that night he’s like dude, dude, bro, my man — we gotta talk boundaries bc wtf

sukuna just goes “not fair u get to kiss her” 

like yeah??? she’s my girlfriend tf ???? 

so sukuna resorts to watching (or feeling) from the sidelines again

as he grows more and more affectionate towards you 

until he’s just as protective over you as yuuji is

until he realizes that 

what yhe fuck

maybe he has feelings for you because, one of the main things about you is that the two times you’ve encountered him, you’ve never treated him like a curse. even if being treated human was once considered belittling to him, having you dote on him like that, speak to him as softly

it made his brain go brrrr 

so he asks yuuji one day, “can i kiss your gf” 

like that’s something you just casually ask

took a lotta convincing but eventually yuuji says “if she says yes then okay” 

it takes like 

90 minutes for both you and yuuji to decide that you’re okay with it. sukuna’s like fuck it ion wanna anymore lmfao

but anyways 

yuuji shifts into him 

and 

he doesn’t even wait the impatient mf 

he just kisses you so suddenly, cupping your neck and tugging at your hair like damn how long has he been wanting to do this

clearly way longer than even he thought 

after that yuuji doesn’t exactly share you, but yeah he’ll let sukuna kiss you every now and then

sukuna’s still not fully accepting of his feelings towards you, but he learns to appreciate you

especially your kindness towards him and yuuji, and the tenderness of your touch 

he never would’ve seen it coming when he awoke in this teenage boy’s body, but he can admit that you’re definitely an added benefit

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen headcanon #yuji itadori x reader #itadori yuuji x reader #itadori x reader #sukuna #jjk sukuna #sukuna x reader #sukuna headcanons