#i just wanted to make the post small I wasn’t about to list it single file

[kedreeva]

When I was a kid, maybe 14 or so (which is, you know, 20+ years ago), I belonged to a Yahoo! mailing list for an anime called Gundam Wing. It was mostly populated by other teens, of varying ages, as it was started by a teen and her friends. Eventually it migrated, when Yahoo! groups started as forums, and even branched off into non-GW related stuff in a second forum.

One of the things I remember the most clearly is the oldest person in the group. Her name was Steelsong. She was a 40-something Dom with a sub whose name we knew even though we knew nothing else. She ran her own fanfic archive because the web was still handmade HTML and navigated in webrings and I’m pretty sure Google didn’t exist or was only barely, barely launched and not well known. She was kind and patient and we loved her. She treated everyone on the group with the respect given any adult, even though most of the rest of the world was still treating us like we were children. Not teenagers even, but children. She never once condescended to any of us, never made our youth a barrier to her respect, never treated us like we were incapable of being full people or like we were less than her because we were young.

I remember that she hosted our fanfiction, as absolutely terrible as it was (and I still have some of it, I am WELL aware of how cringingly terrible it is, just absolute nonsense garbage), right there alongside of other fic that was soul-achingly beautiful. Not a separate section for her friends or for kids, just right there like we were good enough to feature alongside other authors. I never once received crit from her that I didn’t ask for, only support. Only love. I am still writing today partly because Steel was so kind about our fic, fanfic and original.

I remember that when I started doing clay sculpture, she commissioned a tiny pair of dragons from me, to support me doing artwork. She sent a check my mom cashed for me, and my mom helped me mail it when it was finished. It broke in transit, and Steel assured me that she mended it and that it was still beautiful. It was a small gold dragon curled up with a small silver dragon.

I remember that her patience knew no bounds. I remember that she was there for us, regardless of reason. When we wanted to know silly things like what to do with a single AA battery, she answered. When we had serious questions about sex, she answered.  When we had questions about writing, she taught us. When one of our group members, a young gay teen in Australia, ended up in the hospital and then stopped making posts, and we all knew what had happened, she let us talk to her about it because we couldn’t go to our own parents, even though we had just lost a friend.

She was not a replacement to my parents, but she was an extra parent, in some ways. A friend, certainly, but someone that had been through more life than we had and was willing to pass on knowledge if we asked for it. Someone older that we trusted with things that were too uncomfortable to go to our parents or teachers or whatever about, because we already knew she wasn’t going to judge us or something, and that we would get an honest answer.

I don’t know why I’m remembering this so hard tonight, and I’m not sure if there’s a point to sharing this, except that I know she’s gone now. She was ill the last time we spoke, and her site went down a long time ago, and I miss her. She was a huge influence on my life, then and now. She was hope, for me, that life as an adult didn’t have to be boring, it wouldn’t have to mean giving up the things I loved and Becoming Only Responsible With No Fun. Her presence meant I had hope I could still write and play with friends even when I wasn’t ‘a kid’ anymore. And she’s gone, and I miss her, and I wanted to share her from the perspective of youth, and the perspective over twenty years later has provided me.

And I think of her, when people go off about older folks being in fandom with younger folks. I’m an older folks now, or at least middle aged folks because there are certainly folks older than me still, but I wasn’t always. I’ve been here since i was a younger folks, and I know how much Steel’s presence and support meant to me, how much she helped not just me but everyone on that group. And I think of the people saying older folks don’t belong in fandom, and that they shouldn’t interact with younger folks at all, and I just think... I can’t agree. I needed that kind of solid presence in my life back then and even at the age I am now, I need the folks older than me to stay. I want them here.

So I guess, like, if you’re here and you’re 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 or whatever, I want you here in fandom with me, still. Your presence here is a comfort. It is hope. It is a reminder that life will continue to be fun, even as I get older, myself. And if you’re younger and you have this sort of elder in your groups, I hope that they are like Steel. I hope they are kind and patient and supportive, and that knowing them gives you hope for your own future. I hope in twenty years you look back and remember them fondly.

#steelsong #personal #stories about ked's life #dash stretcher #fandom #god she would have loved ao3 so much #i wish i could tell her about the good things that have become

[nicksbestie]

Omg the Johnnie fic was just wow.. honestly loved every part (def my fave post so far) which is why I’m here begging for another haha

Could you write a Johnnie Guilbert x reader where the reader is Tara’s friend and is invited to a hangout with all of the friends and Johnnie meets her there for the first time and completely falls in love. Like imagine he greets her and then turns to Jake “I need a ring” “what for” “to propose”

And just FLUFF ugh I love awkward and sweet Johnnie.

this was so sweet ily tysm :( <3

this fic was a tiny bit rushed just because i'm struggling with motivation and trying not to let reqs rot in my inbox but i hope you love it anyways!

Party

warnings : mentions of alcohol

pairing : Johnnie Guilbert x fem reader

word count : 1158

enjoy!

<3

Your best friend was having a Valentine’s party, and you were nothing short of completely ecstatic.

Despite being single, Valentine’s Day was still one of your favorite holidays, because your friends always did something so fun. You had no idea who was going to be in attendance, but you knew that your best friend, Tara, was inviting people from her inner circle, which included some people with a lot of reach. You couldn’t deny that you had a little bit of nerves about it, just because of the fact that Tara was quite literally famous. There would probably be a ton of super important people there, and you didn’t know if you were completely ready for that. 

You had made some features in Tara’s videos every now and again, and you had a solid following, but it was nothing like hers, and you also knew that she was inviting her best friend and ex boyfriend, who had a solid following of over two million, so the nerves were definitely there. Tara had told you that you were definitely overreacting, but you really did not want to be that person who accidentally embarrassed themselves in front of people that were on such a pedestal. Not to say that they were perfect, not by any means, but you were sure that some sort of footage from this party would make it to social media, being that Tara always recorded funny moments, and you did not want to go viral for the wrong things. 

You had gone over to Tara’s house about two hours before the party to get ready with her, as you always had the most fun doing that. You two shared a ton of clothes, helped each other with doing makeup, setting things up, and just in general having a good time. It was always a fun time for the two of you, and you had done that many times before many parties, hosted at both of your houses. So that was where you were right now, in Tara’s bathroom, her helping you even out your eyeliner on both eyes, as that had often been something that you really struggled with, and Tara had a natural talent for it. Tara was going over the guest list, and though it was pretty small for one of Tara’s parties, it was still a large gathering for you. 

Tara was a much more social person than you, and she found a lot of fun in spending time with large groups of people, whereas you had more fun with smaller, more close-knit groups. Her parties always reflected that, but due to the fact that normally there were a lot of people you knew, and also a lot of alcohol, you normally loosened up pretty quickly and always had a great time. You learned at this point when Tara was listing off who all was coming that Jake’s other best friend, Johnnie, was coming, and you knew of him, but had never met him in person. Tara had a devious grin on her face when you brought that point up, explaining that he wasn’t really a party person either, and she mumbled something about you two being perfect for each other. 

You hit her on the shoulder, causing her to laugh, which made you laugh as well, because Tara’s good mood and laughter was contagious, and you couldn’t help yourself. You and Tara had similar styles, and began sifting through her closet deciding what to wear tonight. Obviously it was red and pink themed, but that didn’t mean that you weren’t going to sneak in a little bit of black. It went with everything, so you had a valid reason to get away with it. After picking out a cute outfit, you still had some time to kill, and you and Tara began setting out food, drinks, and removing any possible breakables from common areas of the house. She laughed and told you a ridiculous story about Jake accidentally breaking an expensive valuable when he got too drunk at one of her parties, and now she’s learned to make sure that they’re all put away. 

The next forty five minutes went by so quickly, and you two had an amazing time setting up, and just getting to spend time with each other. Not for the first time, your nerves had completely disappeared once Tara had gotten you to open up, and you were nothing but excited for the party that was due to be starting soon. As Tara began opening the door and introducing guests that you either didn’t know or barely knew, you mostly relaxed, eating a couple of snacks and hanging out in the kitchen with Tara and the rest of the people. Nothing really picked up for the first couple of minutes, until a specific car pulled up outside of the house, music blasting loud enough for you to hear it inside the house, making you wonder just how loud it was inside the vehicle. You motioned to Tara, gesturing outside, and she rolled her eyes but had a smile on her face. 

“That would be Jake, wouldn’t it? Something about him always having to make an appearance.” 

You agreed, moving to make conversation with a couple friends you recognized while Tara let Jake in, accompanied by Johnnie. You looked up and saw Tara hugging the both of them, and took in their appearance. Jake, you had seen quite a few times, but you had never seen Johnnie in person. And you couldn’t lie, he was much more attractive in person. Unfortunately, due to your luck, Johnnie looked up from hugging Tara, and happened to make direct eye contact with you. You immediately looked away, ignoring the heat rising to your cheeks, and hoped on everything that he hadn’t noticed. Unbeknownst to you, he had, but also unbeknownst to you, he was blushing just about the same, it just wasn’t as visible because of his makeup. 

He turned to Jake as soon as Tara turned away to greet someone else, and elbowed him in the ribs. Jake doubled over, swearing under his breath as he asked what he needed. 

“Dude, what the hell?” 

“I need a fucking ring or something.” 

He looked at Johnnie like he had just lost his absolute mind. 

“What? A ring? For what?” 

Looking at his best friend’s face, he realized he looked like a lovestruck puppy, a weird expression to see on Johnnie’s face, and slightly disturbing. 

“To propose. Jesus Christ, look at her. She’s gorgeous.” 

Jake followed his eyes to see who exactly he was looking at, also at the same moment that you looked back up to try to check out Johnnie again, and watched you blush for a second time, awkwardly looking away and pretending you hadn’t seen them. 

“Well, looks like last year was your last Valentine’s alone.”

You enjoyed that party so much more than you had ever expected to.

#johnnie guilbert #johnnie guilbert fanfic #johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert fic #johnnie guilbert fanfiction #johnnie and jake #fanfic #jake webber fluff #jake webber fanfic #jake webber fanfiction #jake webber #jake and johnnie #johnnie guilbert smut #johnnie guilbert fluff #the tinas

[ickadori]

hihi again! i sent in the ask about how suku/ura would react to yorozu interacting with reader, and i just read your newest post, and oh myyyyyyy i think i fell more in love with the whole trio's dynamic ^^

anyway after i read the punishment fic something that stood out to me was the line about y/n's village being burnt down. i wonder if she thinks back to her times living in the village. in my mind, y/n kinda hated her life beforehand. she may have been treated badly in the village and now that she thinks back on it, she realizes just how much suku and ura have changed her life. like, she's actually grateful for their violence because now she's able to live her life (somewhat) freely.

just a little fluff moment for the trio that crossed my mind but i'd love to hear your take on soft moments like this with the trio :) if there any ig :p

cws for mentions of abuse from reader’s family.

You don’t often think about your life before Sukuna and Uraume - you try not to, at least, but sometimes you can’t help but remember your time in the village on nights like this: lightning lighting up the dark sky, thunder booming overhead, and wind violently whipping the trees back and forth as a storm rages outside.

You had come from a small village, one that wasn’t even big enough to make it on the map. All of the townspeople knew each other by name, and could list off everyone in your family two generations past. Everyone knew everyone, and everyone knew everything about each other, and you think that was the worst part of it all.

Your parents had died when you were young, too young to even remember their names, much less their faces, and your aunt had been the one to take you in. You used to wonder why she had done it, she had made it painfully obvious how much she detested you and your dead mother, but in a village as small of yours and a pride as great as hers, she would have rather died than have the village folk whisper about her behind her back.

Her other children, your cousins, had been no kinder towards you. They followed their mother’s lead and ostracized you, a few of the nastier ones even taking to bullying you when their day hadn’t gone how they wanted it to. You had been their anger outlet, occasionally their punching bag, all while you had to clean up their messes and cook their meals.

They were allowed to have academic lessons to teach them to read and write, while you had been to stand outside in the yard to keep from overheating anything. Your aunt enforced this rule no matter the weather conditions, and you found yourself shivering in the cold winter months, your coat tattered and no shoes on your feet (you weren’t permitted to leave the house, so what was your need for shoes, she always said) as you stood in the snow until your feet grew numb, or overheating in the hot, summer sun until you were drenched in sweat and severely dehydrated.

Sometimes it stormed —just as it is now, as you reside in Sukuna’s palace—, stormed so badly that the trees became uprooted from the ground and crashed down beside you. You cried and sobbed those days, because the thunder was loud enough to drown out your cries, and therefore you didn’t have to worry about your aunt growing angry about the noise.

The people of your village cast you glances, some filled with pity, others filled with indifference, but none of them offered a hand to help. They watched you stand for hours, some days the bruises marring your skin glaringly obvious, and pulled their shutters closed as they disappeared into their homes and erased you from their minds.

You hated them, every last single person in that village, and that’s why you hadn’t shed a single tear when it was tore down to the ground. You had stood there and watched, not frozen, as a single man killed all the people you had wished death upon countless times. You had thought he was some kind of demon coming to exact revenge on your behalf, so it was no surprise to you when you had thrown yourself at his feet and cried in joy, jumbled words of thanks and gratitude being thrown at him.

You had fully expected for him to kill you, too, and you hadn’t minded one bit - you had got to see their ends first, so you couldn’t complain too much now that yours was next, but here you were..

Standing near the open doors to the garden and watching as the flower petals were ripped free from the violent winds and whipped around in the air. A crack of thunder sounded, and a flash of lightning lit up the sky in the next second.

A strong gust of wind sends you teetering back on your heels, and a set of hands settle on your waist to steady you. You tilt your head back and look up to see Sukuna, a small smile gracing your features as you take him in.

“You said you disliked storms.”

“I do.”

“So you stand in open doors to watch them?” He looks down at you, hands moving to pull at your now wet night dress, and he lowly tsks. “You’ll catch a cold.” Uraume seems to appear out of thin-air as they push the doors closed, their attention also moving to your wet clothing.

“It’s just a bit of rain - I’ll be fine.”

“The bath is still hot, my Lord.”

“Cover yourself in the meantime.” Sukuna drapes his overcoat around your shoulders, his scent completely surrounding you. You’re hoisted into his arms a moment later.

“I’ll have one of the servants prepare some tea in advance—some soup, as well.”

They speak back and forth as they move through the halls to the bath room, and Uraume wastes no time in filling the still steaming bath with a few different herbs that you recognize as medicinal. Sukuna makes quick work of your clothing and even quicker work of his, and then he’s lowering the two of you down into the bath, one set of hands scooping up hot water and letting it run down your chilled arms, the other set kneading into the meat of your lower back.

Uraume is out of the room in the blink of an eye, and you release a breath as you relax into Sukuna’s chest, your hands moving to grab ahold of one of his. “Ryomen..”

A hot rag is pressed to your forehead as he hums in response, and you run your fingers over the bumps of his knuckles. “What is it?” He pushes, and you shake your head when a lump begins to build in your throat, instead choosing to twist around in his lap and press your cheek against his chest, his skin hot against yours.

You hear Uraume enter a few moments later, confirming that the soup and tea will be ready soon, and then their hands are joining in to move a hot rag against your skin, their voice low as the two of them speak back and forth about your apparent “lethargy”.

They make it painfully evident that without them, you would have likely died in that village never having known what it felt like to be cared about, and it makes your feelings for them ever stronger.

..thank you.

#sukuna x reader #uraume x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

[look-at-the-soul]

Every little thing you do- Part 3

Tommy Shelby x reader

Series master list

A/N: I’m sorry I couldn’t post this past Saturday something came up, so next part will be posted on next Wednesday and so on until I go back to post each Saturday. ♥️ Thank you for reading and engaging in this little idea! It means a lot!

Word count: 3,038

After listening to the doctor assure her that the baby was fine last week, Y/N had a lot of time to think and digest all the major changes she was about to face. She couldn’t help but stay up at night and cry endlessly on her own, but after a few days Y/N had finally made a decision. It wasn’t easy, but like her grandmother had said, she didn’t have many options.

Polly had also talked to her with her heart on her sleeve. She had assured her that in the end, women did well with or without a man by their side, her own husband passed away after getting too drunk, Tommy’s father wasn’t the best example to lead a family, Y/N knew too well how their relationship ended up, Ada had married Freddy only for him passing away too soon and she had raised Karl on her own.

She was right, but there was a huge difference, regardless of the useless men in their lives, they still had their last name as support. It didn’t mean anything, but legally it granted them more rights than being a single mother. The injuries on her back had been healing, she was now able to wear her regular clothes and even though she still flinched at times from the pain, it felt nice to move around more freely.

At least she had a place to sleep and food to eat, so at the moment she got it covered. She needed to save as much money as she could though, she had to think of the future.

Staring out the window, she noticed Tommy parking outside, so she rushed downstairs.

“Tommy,” Y/N greeted him. He had been to London, but barely stayed for a night. “How was your trip?”

Tommy hesitated for an instant. Under different circumstances he would’ve shared the new business Mr. Churchill had mentioned at their meeting, but he thought Y/N already had enough in her plate to add anymore pressure. He was still deciding how to manage everything with the Russians and until he got clearer instructions he’d try to keep her out of it.

“Good. I still need to go back next week though.” He followed Y/N into the kitchen, placing a small paper bag on the table. “Brought you something.”

Y/N filled two cups of the tea she started earlier and as she was about to take them to the table, Tommy rushed to get them from her hands.

“I can walk around with them, Tom. I’m only pregnant.” Y/N chuckled at his sudden protectiveness.

“Yeah, what if you feel dizzy? You could burn yourself.” He added worryingly.

But Y/N was busy drooling over the bread Tommy brought.

“Well?” Tommy gave her a long look as he added sugar to his tea.

Y/N looked up at Tommy with her mouth full, the bread was so good!

“Oh! Right… I just wanted to ask if you’re still good with the idea of me living in Arrow House? I don’t want this to cause you troubles with someone.” She took a deep breath and stared down at her hands.

Tommy blinked a couple of times in confusion. “Problems with who? What do you mean?”

It was hard to put her feelings into words, the right words as a matter of fact. Lately she had been having lots of big feelings, lots of things to be afraid of…

Y/N moved nervously. “I’ve never been noisy about your personal affairs Tom, and I don’t want to be in the middle in case you’ve a-a you know… a woman in your life.” She admitted, her voice trailing off by the end.

He squinted his eyes, not quite believing what he just heard. Then he started laughing, a loud, genuine laugh. “This is ridiculous, you’ve nothing to worry about.”

Only then, she dared to look at him, to read his expression.

“Is this what’s keeping you from accepting? Y/N, look,” Tommy took a few steps towards her, his hands found their way to her cheeks to make her look at him. “I’m going to help you no matter what. Just tell me if you accept or not, I’ll take care of the rest.”

They have had each others back over the years, and now it wouldn’t be different.

“I do need to ask you for a favor though.” Y/N folded her arms. “I will need that job you offered me as secretary a while ago.”

“But you’re pregnant.” He protested.

She was already shaking her head. “I don’t want your pity or charity, I need to work.”

With a sigh, Tommy found himself nodding in agreement. She was stubborn and wouldn’t stay still for too long.

“Deal. Although if you feel sick…”

“I’ll take it easy, I promise.”

This time, it was Tommy who pulled her in for a hug, grateful because Y/N accepted the help he was offering genuinely.

“What made you change your mind from your initial decision?” He asked with curiosity.

Y/N took a sip of her tea, feeling grateful after noticing her stomach was taking it nicely. “My grandma helped me see it through. This is the most decent offer I’ll probably get.”

“So you’re accepting because it’s your only option?” Tommy teased.

“Shut up.” She shoved him slightly on the shoulder.

She still needed to send a letter to Lady Winchester to let her know she wouldn’t be able to return to work. Until now she had lied and said she got sick and didn’t want to risk her, but she needed to digest this upcoming change first.

Later that week, Y/N had officially moved into Arrow House. She didn’t own many things other than her clothes that her grandmother managed to take from her house, her hairbrush and a small bag that Polly gave her. So here she was, on her way to an unknown future full of uncertainty, but with a little baby growing inside her. And the incondicional support of the people who were so close to her heart.

Everyone in the Shelby family had been nothing but kind and welcoming to her, offering to help her carry whatever she had on her hands, telling her how they would welcome the baby with a peaky cap and defend her from cruel comments.

Her eyes danced around, she still gasped at the sight of the spacious foyer, the only difference she noticed is that it now had more furniture and different curtains.

“Mary.”

“Good evening Mr. Shelby, may I take your coat?” A maid welcomed them, moving fast to get the coat from him, she then pointed at the briefcase. She even had uniform!

“This is Miss YL/N, she’ll use the guest bedroom I asked you to prepare.” Then he turned to face Y/N. “Mary will help you with everything, please make yourself at home.”

“Nice to meet you.” Y/N admitted with a smile, but deep down she was in shock to see that a maid was practically guessing Tommy’s every move.

“Of course Mr. Shelby.” The maid gave her a subtle look, but didn’t ask any more questions. “Follow me Miss.”

Turning around, Tommy changed his mind. “Actually… Mary take her suitcase upstairs, Y/N come with me.”

Feeling overwhelmed, she followed him, crossing a huge room, Tommy explained her it was his office, he was holding the door open for her to walk in.

“An office! Look at this place… it’s bigger than our kitchen and living room together.” Y/N couldn’t believe this, she took her time to take everything in; the impressive desk, the endless bookshelves -some where still empty-, the fireplace. “You got a painting?!”

Tommy looked down, understanding her surprise. “Is it too much?” Sometimes it all felt surreal to him.

Y/N didn’t think it was her place to point wherever it was or not too much, he could do whatever he pleased with his wealth.

“It’s just I’m not used to all of this.” She shuddered.

There was something different sparkling in his eyes. It was like she was watching the boy with big dreams and killer smile all over again.

“Yeah… me neither.”

Tommy took a long puff of his cigarette, but Y/N wrinkled her nose.

“Are you feeling sick?” He noticed the sounds she made, she was holding her stomach with one hand.

“I think it’s the smell of the cigarette.”

“Shit.” Tommy opened the window and curtains to allow some fresh air to get in and then he stomped his almost untouched cigarette on the ashtray. “Better?”

“Thanks.” She then chuckled. “Sorry I don’t want to be a burden for you.”

“Hey it’s fine, it’s just a cigarette.” He waved at the air to keep the smell from concentrating in the room.

A knock on the door caught their attention, Y/N even jumped in her seat a little.

“Mr. Shelby, dinner will be ready shortly.” Mary announced.

He nodded and asked for a glass of water for Y/N.

“This feels so surreal if you ask me.” She made a funny face that made him laugh.

“I guess I’ll get used to it.”

Pouring some whiskey into the new glassware set he got, he thought about it.

“Look at us.” Y/N said absently, her face moving towards the ceiling. “Who would have thought you’d get a place like this and I’d be expecting a child without a male support.” She rubbed a hand on her still non-existent bump.

Tommy clicked his tongue and gave her an offended look. “What about me?”

“You know what I mean.” She added after noticing his eyes fixed on her.

“How about dinner?” He offered his hand to Y/N. “Let’s see what the chef prepared. Ey?”

Earning another chuckle from Y/N guided her towards the opposite end. A huge table set just for them.

“There’s another painting!” Y/N pointed through gritted teeth.

A huge portrait of Tommy hanged immaculately on the wall. She could barely keep up with the things going on in her life, but it seemed to be surprise after surprise with his own news.

“Just ignore it.” Tommy suggested taking his place at very end, right under the painting. “I needed to spend some money.”

Rolling her eyes at him, Y/N joined him unsure. “Where should I sit then?”

Patting the place next to him, Tommy stood up. “Right here, next to me.” And he held the chair for her, like a true gentleman. A gesture no one had ever made towards her.

“Are you sure I can’t sleep downstairs? I’ll take me forever to walk down… image how I’ll roll down once I get all heavy?”

The image of her swollen stomach invaded his mind for a second, Tommy stopped with his hand holding the glass midway, until he shook his head a little.

“You always love to exaggerate it, it’s not so big.” He added as come back.

“It’s huge and you know it.” She added just before the maids brought their plates.

Y/N was about to take a bite of her food when she noticed something.

“Tommy.” She whispered, making Tommy lean forward. “Do they have to stay there and stare? This is awkward.”

Tommy laughed freely.

“Mary, would you give us a moment?”

“What if you need-”

“I’ll call you.” He interrupted.

She was surprised to see them following Tommy’s requests in a heartbeat. They were eager to please him in every possible way.

“This is insane, they’re watching your every move.”

Tommy chuckled unsure of what to say, he was still trying to adjust to this new lifestyle, trying to be part of a select club to fit in the upper class.

“Well I’m paying them a ridiculous amount of money.”

“You know what I mean.” She stated smirking.

He did, of course he did.

This was the kind of things people like he and Y/N could only dream a few years ago.

“Just enjoy it, you’ll get used to it.”

He smiled at his friend, understanding her confusion. A major change like that in his life didn’t happen overnight, it took time and a lot of effort to built the fucking empire he now owned. It was about damn time that he started getting a small luxury like that property or the service for the place.

Y/N had to admit the food was delicious, she had never tasted anything better than that meal.

“I’m really proud of you.” She expressed as they finished. “It’s like you made your dreams come true, you made it out of Small Heath not from the back door, you made it through the main gate.”

Tommy swallowed hard, Y/N was the only person that had celebrated with him the small victories just as the big ones. He was lost for words, to realize that she felt proud of him meant more that he could express.

“Would you like dessert?” Mary asked folding her hands.

Turning to face Y/N, Tommy realized the way her eyes sparkled. “Just one for her, please.”

She groaned. “This is going to be a problem, you’re going to make me put on some weight with all of this food.”

“Well you need to feed that baby.” Tommy leaned his elbows on the table.

“You don’t even know how grateful I am to have you in my life, you’re saving our lives.” She touched his arm.

“That’s what friends do.” He chuckled as he saw her mouthwatering expression over the plate.

A few moments later, Tommy walked her towards her bedroom.

“This is insane, a small living room inside my bedroom?!” Y/N couldn’t believe how spacious it was.

“There’s the walk in closet, and this additional wardrobe, the vanity… everything you might need.” He added pacing around, slowly. Hands hiding in his pockets. “I think you will particularly enjoy this.”

He then pointed at the window seat. Y/N gasped in surprise, she hadn’t noticed it.

“Woah… Tommy.”

When she turned around, Tommy noticed the tears in her eyes.

“Hey what’s wrong?” He stepped closer.

“You’re just so good to me, I can’t thank you enough for providing a roof to sleep under.” Y/N sobbed.

Her vulnerability broke him. It tore him apart to realize how hard this was to her. His arms found their way around her immediately.

Emotions coming out in the form of tears.

“Y/N… talk to me.”

“It’s just…sad to see my own family doing this to me. The days I spent at Watery Lane, they never went to ask how I was doing.” A sudden sob interrupted her explanation. “To check if I needed something.”

He didn’t know what to say, her family’s message was clear and he could only imagine how she was feeling.

“But you’ve my family,” he offered rubbing her back, “we’ll be with you every step of the way. Try to forget about it, you need to be calm.” He then took a step back, but kept touching her arm, “Think of your baby.”

That seemed to do the trick, because his words made Y/N smile.

“You’re so right.” Y/N took a deep breath. “Scott made his choice and so did my family. From now on it will be this baby, me, Grandma, you and the Shelby family. That’s all I need.”

A half smile appeared on her face. He knew the process wouldn’t be easy, it’d take her some time to rebuild herself, but she had the determination and courage to carry on with whatever obstacle life decided to make her face.

A flash back ran through Tommy’s mind, he went back to the warehouse and he could still hear Scott’s pleads for his life. The blinders had been playing with him for a while and Tommy took his time. But when he faced him, Scott’s eyes were fully swollen, an ugly lip cut and several bruises all over his face.

“You thought you could fuck off like a rat?! Ey?!” He shouted in his face, yanking his hair so Scott could be face to face with him. “Thought it would fun to mess around with Y/N?”

A twisted smirk appeared on Scott’s lips, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Tommy so he moved his hand back and hit him hard across the face with his fist several times.

“This is for fooling Y/N.” Tommy announced and kicked him.

“And this for not taking responsibility over the baby.” He kicked Scott between his legs this time. “Fucking coward.”

Now, with Scott lying on his back groaning in pain, Tommy stepped over him, holding him by the shirt with one hand. “And this for telling me to fuck off.”

It took three blinders to make Tommy step back, he was determined to finish him. He had to take deep breaths through his mouth from the exertion and adrenaline rush. His heart was pumping so hard and fast against his ribs.

“I want you out of the city and you better never come back. Because next time I’ll fucking kill you.”

End of flashback.

“You’re safe now.” Tommy helped her gently to sit on the edge of the bed. “You can have a new beginning here with your baby. I can assure you, you’ll get everything you need.”

Tommy offered Y/N his handkerchief.

“You deserve everything good in world Tommy.”

She knew that he meant every word, and most importantly, he’d keep his promises.

“Now have some rest, you’ve been through a lot.” He groaned as he stood up.

“At what time should I be at the office?” Y/N asked when her friend reached the door.

“8:00 o’clock,” he winked, “but I’ll drive you. Good night.”

As she thanked her best friend one more time and wished him good night, Y/N stared at the spacious bedroom. It was unbelievable, a dream she was afraid to wake up from.

Her heart still felt heavy for not having her family’s support, but in some way she felt secure and protected under Tommy’s wing.

And for now, that was enough.

Part 4

Master list

Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @garrison-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @moral-terpitude @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @thenattitude @winchestergirl22 @zablife @elk96 @blondie-22 @imichelle-l-rigby @allie131313 @already-broken144 @peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @shaddixlife @sloanexx @sydneyyyya @lau219 @adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @thomashelbyswife @darleneslane @lauren-raines-x @everythingelseisextra @kmc1989 @red-riding-wood @lovemissyhoneybee @theendlessvoidofdarkest @wannabeperfectionists-blog (can’t tag) @yeppaweshallsee (can’t tag) @skydisneylover (can’t tag) @holacia3 @galactic3a (can’t tag) @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @ietss @abaker74 @natalie--rushman @elliaze @justrainandcoffee @teawonderfultea-blog1 @galactict3a

#that’s what Cill said #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x fem!reader #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby x you #peaky blinders fan fiction #peaky blinders x reader #thomas shelby x reader

[the-traveling-poet]

Coffee Shop

The day had finally arrived; in which you would meet your idol for a late lunch at a local cafè. And what a head rush just the idea of such a thing gave you.

Amidst the not so subtle interrogation and polite pleasantries passed back and forth between the two of you over tea, the spark that had started this whole ordeal grew into that of a flame.

A flame he seemed to take and run with…

Pairing: Actor!Levi x Fan!reader

Warnings: modern!au, language, fluff

Taglist: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe @pelicanpizza (if you’d like added to the taglist for Levi Fic updates, just DM me!)

A/N: The long (somewhat maybe?) awaited pt. 3, finally posted!

I took much, much longer in completing this than I wanted to. But life happens; losses, injuries, illnesses, grievances…the list goes on. But since my motivation came back, I’ve returned to my most passionate hobby; writing Levi fanfiction. I would have finished this sooner but the added feature of the BOOP got me distracted for a full 24hrs lmao.

In this fic, I added in my own mix of hc’s for the sake of modern!au, and Levi’s a little OOC but…It’s a modern AU and I can do what I want :p

So without further ado, enjoy!~

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2

The day had come….

Steeling your nerves, you took in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. The door stood closed before you, and only a gentle tug would open it up to the cafè inside; yet you paused with your hand hovering over the silver handle.

You’d already peered through the shop’s windows to see if he was here yet, and concluded he wasn’t. And with the lack of some shiny, expensive looking car parked near the curb out front, you figured you’d beat him here. You were early, after all. So why couldn’t you just make yourself go in and have a seat?

Relax, you thought to yourself as you finally grasped the handle in the palm of your hand. You’ve gotten this far already, you can’t mess this up…

Walking into the rather aesthetic looking cafè, you looked around with bated breath. The cafè was small, but very pleasing to the eye; menu boards written in cursive print above polished countertops, floors spotless and organized, windows without a single speck upon them.

Even the scarce customers sat strewn about the tables seemed poised and of a higher class than you were used to seeing on a daily basis.

Suddenly, you felt just a tad under dressed.

Shaking the thoughts away, your eyes continued to study the room around you, until you were met with the steady gaze of a man sat a table at the back wall of the cafè. And oh, how those silver eyes always managed to captivate your entire attention; in person even more so than from through a screen.

Stiffening your posture where you stood, you shook yourself out of your daze with a mental slap in the face.

“Shit…” you whispered, shuffling your feet forward to approach his table. Of course he would be early and beat you…to being early.

Once you stood only a foot away from his table, Levi took a stand. After subtly looking you up and down, he reached out and pushed back the chair opposite him and gave you room to take a seat, after silently motioning to hang your coat up on the back of your chair for you.

With a whispered thank you, you shrugged off your coat and let him place it on the back of your chair before scooting you forward and then returning to his own seat.

“You’re early,” you blurted out after he sat, still in a bit of a daze.

“I’m always early; though, I’m surprised to see you’re twenty minutes early. I’m impressed.” He commented softly, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on your ever shifting eyes.

Once you managed to hold eye contact with him, you noticed the worn leather jacket hanging off the back of his chair, contrasting the grey turtleneck shirt he wore. The look was quite dashing on him, and you had to refrain yourself from blurting out this observation.

“You’re extra early,” you pointed out, taking a moment to look out the window to your right.

“I didn’t see any overly expensive cars outside, so I had assumed I’d beaten you here.”

“I always am. And, didn’t drive my car,” he answered plainly as he too looked out the window. Before you could ask, he was already pointing to a sight just near the curb. Perched on its stand near the window was a bike; sleek black and shining in the dull spring sunlight.

“That’s the bike you drive?” You nearly gasped, ogling over the bike. Sure, you’d learned enough about him from your obsessive research to know he rode. But never once had you seen the actual bike he owned.

“No, stole it from a man a couple blocks back.” Levi scoffed, but not aggressively so. When you looked back over at him, he seemed more curious than sarcastic when he looked over at you from the corner of his eye as he continued to face the window.

“Though, I never told you I rode.”

Realizing you’d soon be found out about your obsession into his personal life, you decided to downplay the fact you knew with an absent smile.

“Oh…well, you mentioned it once or twice in interviews. I’d never seen the bike itself, though.”

“I seldom post to my socials, unless one of the guys naggs me to,” he shrugged, picking up a menu off the table previously stacked by the rack of simple condiments lining a thin rack at one edge of the table.

“You seem more informed about me than I had assumed you’d be. Are you one of those fans who obsessed over and took to heart every interview and discarded show clip they can get their hands on?”

Gulping down you nerves, you hastily waved your hand in a dismissive manner.

“Oh pftt, no. I just…liked the show a lot, and had some free time to binge its content.”

He regarded you with a deadpan expression, as though not fully buying your half truth. But after raising a brow, he seemed content to let the matter sit.

“Well, either way, it’s nice to be out of the spotlight for a bit and unwind. I’m still surprised with myself that I gave my number out to a fan, but…I can’t say I regret it after this past week. You’re entertaining.”

“Is…is that a compliment? Or should I take offense to being generalized?” You smiled, also picking up a menu to look through.

“Which would you prefer?” He hummed, already seeming to have decided what he wanted, as he folded his menu back up and set it aside.

“I’ll take it as a compliment. A compliment from my favorite actor seems nice,” you hummed, beginning to loosen up a little more now that conversation had moved along.

Levi only hummed thoughtfully, peering over the top of your menu to see your crinkled eyes as you scanned along the cursive print. Unbeknownst to you, he made sure.

By the time you decided and set the menu aside, a waitress came along to jot down your orders. Listing off the tea and pastry you desired, you glanced back at Levi, who had yet to speak.

“I’ll take the black tea. No sweeteners, please. Thank you,” he said softly, briefly looking up at the waitress with a nod.

The waitress sent him a dazzling smile, loitering by the table a moment longer than was needed, before scurrying off towards the kitchens behind the front counter. With a snort, Levi resumed his attention towards you.

“I have a funny feeling there’s not much about me you don’t know. Am I right? You seem the type to do your research.”

He murmured, propping his chin onto his hand as he leaned ever so slightly closer across the table towards you, with his elbow supporting him on the table top.

Blushing, you opted to stare down at the napkin holder to your right.

“That-that may not be true-“

“How old am I?” He interrupted, with a brow ever so slightly raised in amusement.

“Twenty five…but that’s common knowledge to anyone who has access to Wikipedia.”

You huffed, crossing your arms as you defended yourself.

“I suppose so. That was a silly thing to ask…alright then, I’ll test you further; what was my favorite shoot?”

“The ‘Royal Government arc’,” you answered immediately. Too fast, you realized, only a moment too late.

“Alright then, something not related to the show…What’s my cat’s name?”

“Eros,” you sighed, already knowing you’d lost. “But to be fair, you’ve brought up your cat numerous times in interviews-“

“Keep digging sweetheart, you’re just burying yourself further here,” he hummed, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

“Alright, alright…So I may have gotten a little obsessed.” You murmured, feeling your cheeks burn a tad hotter than before as you finally admitted to his claims.

“To the show, or my character? Better yet, perhaps me?” He lifted his elbow off of the table and leaned back in his chair with crossed arms. And for a moment, you could have sworn he was teasing you. It worked in flustering you, if that had been his angle. But before you could finish stuttering out a response to his cocky claims, he flashed a minuet smile your way.

“I suppose you do know quite a lot about me, so I’ll ask my own questions. Ones I didn’t ask over the phone already.” He stated calmly as his boot nudged your foot under the table.

Ceasing your poor attempt to stutter out any form of defense, you nodded with an embarrassed sigh.

"Alright, that sounds fair." You murmured, mentally bracing yourself for any kind of question he might throw your way.

Seeing your compliance, he started firing off his own questions.

It nearly felt like an interrogation; like last weeks interview role’s had been switched on you. Only, he wasn’t so shy in asking what he pleased.

Your place of employment, your college major, your pastimes, family, social life. Hell, he even asked for your favorite arcs in the show and which of the scenes he starred in you liked the most.

By the end of it, you’d relaxed significantly and opened up more than you had expected to. And in turn, he became a tad more expressive himself.

“Ever rode a bike?” He asked after finishing his cup of tea, with his unoccupied arm resting over the back of his chair as he raised a brow. His sudden curiosity threw you off a bit.

After calming down from a fit of giggles from his previous question, you raised a brow his way.

“No, I cant say I have.”

With a tilt of his head he regarded you curiously, as though coming to a a silent decision with himself. After a brief span of silence he sighed and placed his hands in his lap.

“Well…Perhaps I could make an exception and allow you to ride with me. I could use a backpack.”

“An exception? To what rule?” Furrowing your brows, you regarded him curiously.

A backpack? What rules?

Hiding his slight smirk with a tilt of his head, he replied; “The rule I have against anyone touching my bike. I’d hate for it to get dirtied or scratched, but I’m sure you’ll be carful.”

“You’re asking me if I’d like a ride?” You murmured, suddenly feeling as allert as you had the moment you wanking into the cafè. With a nod, he confirmed your suspicions.

“On your bike?” You asked, incredulously.

“Unless there’s something else of mine you’d like to ride?” He replied with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Though after just a moment, he cleared his throat and looked away.

“I’m sorry, that was a bit…abrasive.”

“No! I-Id love to!” You grinned, unable to help but stare once more out the window towards his bike as you discreetly hid your blush.

“I’d be down for any kind of ride.”

Now it was his turn to appear surprised and maybe a tad flustered, for the first time this afternoon. He opened his mouth, then abruptly closed it; eyes darting about the table between you. Suddenly, two feet of table never felt so far of a distance before.

With a grunt he stood, taking his jacket in hand as he reached into his left pocket.

“Well then, unless you have plans this afternoon…My bike and I are free.”

Biting at your lip, you also stood.

“No, I’m free. If…If you’re offering.”

“I was under the impression I was doing more than that?” He grumbled back in responce as he fumbled out his wallet. Catching his movement, you went to do the same. That is, until his slender fingers wrapped around your wrist at your waist to stop you.

“Ah ah, I proposed this meet up. The least I could do is pay.” He scoffed, a click of his tongue to follow. Though you attempted to disagree, he placed your hand holding your wallet back into your back pocket; much to your stunned surprise.

“I’ve got it,” he whispered, placing down a check on the table top. Only seconds later, you found yourself standing outside near the curb, watching him mount his bike. And oh, what a sight that was.

Unexpectedly he pulled out a secondary helmet, similar in appearance to his own. Taking is hesitantly, you fumbled with the chin straps as you took a step closer to the bike as it roared to life.

“You just carry around a second helmet?” You questioned uncertainly as he reached out his hand to you.

“No…Stopped by a store before arriving here,” He mumbled, his voice becoming more muffled as he adjusted his own helmet. Swallowing down your growing nerves and hiding a grin behind the helmet, you allowed his hand to guide you into the spot just behind him.

Suddenly, he revved the engine, causing you to startle, only slightly. One look around the smaller bike showed you there were no handle bars to hold onto, causing your eyes to flick to his expectantly.

Oh shit…

“Well? Hold on, else you’ll go flying off the back.” He rolled his eyes before pulling down the visor of his helmet and slipping on a pair of leather gloves. Doing the same, you gave a nervous nod.

Hesitantly you reached out, your arms barely grazing his sides as color filled out your cheeks. With the noise of the bike revving, you missed the way he groaned to himself.

“Fuck’s sake…”

Suddenly the bike jolted forward, sending you crashing forward into his back with a muffled gasp of shock.

Behind the tinted visor, Levi allowed himself a smirk and a satisfied hum, as he used one of his gloved hands to hold yours into place at his abdomen.

“Like I said; hold on, stubborn brat,” he called out, barely turning his head to see you. Though you couldn’t make out every feature of his face through the shield, you gave a shaky chuckle and nodded back; tightening your grip around his middle. He was quick to look away, before fumbling with the kickstand and shifted gears a second time.

As he skillfully merged into the lane, you raised your chin up just slightly over his shoulder.

“Where are we going?” You called over the wind as it gradually picked up speed.

“I figured around a couple blocks; unless you have another idea?” He called back, still able to hear you surprisingly well.

You thought on this a moment, before an idea struck you. Humorously, you called back.

“Well, unless you have another photoshoot this evening, there is a nice city park a few blocks up.”

You never heard a response from him, until he pulled you both up pulled to a stop light. He raised the visor of his helmet after putting down his kickstand once more and raised a brow over his shoulder towards you.

“A park, huh? I can do that…but I’m taking the longer route.”

“The longer route?” You questioned uncertainly.

“The highway, yes. Wouldn’t you like for first ride to be memorable?” His eyes seemed to sparkle as he spoke.

“So long as you don’t kill us,” came your mumbled responce. Yet he seemed to hear it, as he only rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you fret, princess. I wouldn’t let my first ever passenger fall off or become injured. Cant let our first date become our last.”

“First date?”

He merely chuckled at your sudden squeak as he turned to face you better.

“Unless you’d rather not call it that. Would you rather this be considered a VIP backstage pass?”

Your heart twisted and flipped pleasantly in your chest as you quickly lowered the visor of your helmet once more to hide the expression of bewilderment on your face.

“You’d go on a date with a fan?” You managed to croak out just as the light turned green.

Tugging down his own visor once more and lifting the stand, he hummed thoughtfully before reviving the bike.

“I gave my number to one, didn’t I?”

Holding your hand tight to his chest, he used his free hand to push forward, rushing through traffic as you gradually increased speeds. All the while his hand stayed on top of yours, until the need to pull away became undismissible.

And you didn’t dare to let go. Not now, nor ever. Especially if he was promising a second date…

#lynn’s oneshots #modern!au #modern! aot #attack on titan #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #snk #aot #aot x reader #aot fluff #aot x y/n #aot x you #levi ackerman #modern! levi ackerman #actor! levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x gn!reader #levi ackerman x female reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x y/n #levi ackerman fluff #aot levi #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #attack on titan levi #levi x reader slow burn #captain levi

[destroymeinherz]

The Party

A little while back someone posted about a fantasy of being passed around a stethoscope party, with different people listening to their heart. I don’t remember who did so if it was you, I hope you like this. It sparked creativity,

I could continue if anyone wants another part. But I wanted to do the basic idea.

The Party

I’d just signed with a modeling agency. It wasn’t the most exclusive, sometimes the jobs weren’t exactly what I hoped but college was expensive, so I took what I could. How bad could it be? It’s not like I planned to run for office or something.

My agent called me after classes one afternoon asking if I’d be interested in a gig that was more unconventional. After a few basic questions for my safety, nothing seemed too offensive even if it was secretive, and a rep from the agency would be there in case of trouble, I decided to take it.

Friday night I arrived at a big mansion just outside the city. From the looks of it this was old money, probably descendants of oil barons and railway tycoons. Which meant the paycheck would be huge. They’d promised a large payout for anyone who stayed til midnight.

I was let into a large foyer and usher back to a small hallway to a butlers parlor. A woman checked my ID, checked my name off a list and then looked me over.

“You will be required to wear one of two outfits tonight,” She instructed, pulling two hangers off a rack of clothes. “Black is standard, you are willing to do anything that would be clothes on. Call it PG-13.”

She held up a black Herve Luger bandage dress for emphasis. Then in her other hand, she held up a red one nearly identical to the former.

“Red,” She continued. “You are open to sexual behavior, and by wearing red you are giving consent to sexual advance,”

Well, I was single and I was never a prude, so I took the red. Might as well have a bit of fun. Once I accepted my color choice, she handed me an iPad with a waiver basically stating that I would take proper precautions, assert myself and under no circumstances attempt to contact anyone I met here after the event. I would ask for aid if I felt unsafe and leave without a scene. If I did not make it to midnight, I’d be compensated $200 per hour worked.

I shrugged and signed. She then held back a curtain for me to change in a small closet. I slipped inside, squeezed into the dress and as I was ushered to a door she fit me with a bracelet.

“If you need out, press the red button. Security will extract you.” She informed. “Are you ready?”

I blinked. Extracted? My heart started to pound, suddenly feeling crushed by the tight dress. What did I get myself into. But… the money was clouding my judgement. So I nodded, and the door opened. Once I cleared the threshold, it closed behind me.

Just walk around. Be eye candy. That was my only instruction. So that is what I did.

The room was a parlor, antique and dimly lit. It was full of golds and deep rich red textiles, dark wood and gold finishes. Old leather bound editions of classic literature adorned the bookshelves. I felt like I’d gone back in time. Or I was in a vampire’s house. My heart thudded at the thought.

The room was also full of people, in fine clothes, expensive tuxes and dresses. All of them wore masks like a masquerade. As I started to work through the crowd they watched me, with hungry eyes. Maybe I was in a vampire’s den. I was about to be dinner. There were a few other girls dressed in the red or black, varying heights and hair colors and skin tones.

I swallowed and tried to will my poor heart to stop trying to escape my chest. Until finally, a man approached me.

“Well, aren’t you lovely,” He said, holding out his hand.

I took his hand, and he brought it to his lips. He then moved his fingers down my wrist, stopping to feel my pulse. He offered him a soft smile. Then, he nodded before he motioned a waiter over.

The waiter came with a silver cloche, removing the dome top and extending the tray to the man. But there wasn’t food. It was a line of various stethoscopes. His fingers danced along them as he made his selection, a red tube that matched my dress.

He waved the man off, then examined it before placing the buds in his ears.

“Now, deep breath for me. Like a doctor’s office.” He said as he placed the diaphragm on my chest,

I was surprised, but I did as he asked, breathing in deeply and feeling my heart kick in my chest. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump.

He must have enjoyed the sound of my heart because he moved the diaphragm around my chest, smiling to himself and eventually he stopped. He listened for a long time, and even behind a mask I could see his eyes were closed.

I blushed. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump

Finally, he opened his eyes and moved the diaphragm away. He took the ear pieces out and looked around. Then he must have seen who he needed, because he waved to someone.

“You have a perfect heart, my dear.” He said.

“Uh, thanks…” I replied.

Another man approached, he also had a stethoscope. He looked to the first man oblivious to me and waited for why he’d been called over.

“I think she’s the one. Take a listen.”

The new man finally looked at me. I smiled at him but he simply leaned in with his own stethoscope and listened to my heart. I took a deep breath like I had before.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump

“I think you’re right,” He replied. “Take her in, I’ll grab the others.”

The others? I blinked in surprise. Is this all it was? A bunch of cosplayers listening to my heart for a few hours? That didn’t seem so bad. Even if they wanted to listen to it during sex or something. That was actually, kinda hot.

“Come with me,” The first man said.

I nodded as he took my hand again. This time he lead me down another hallway to a different room. He opened the door and brought me in, then closed it behind me. It was more of a sitting room with a beautiful chaise in the center, raised up on a platform.

I recognized some medical equipment from various movies or doctors visits. Nothing seemed too concerning.

“Now, lay down on the chaise,” He instructed. “You may stay clothed for now. But do remove your shoes as to not damage the upholstery.”

I did as he asked. Once I was settled, he returned to my side. He brought the steth out again and gently placed it on my chest. He let out a content sigh as he listened to my heart pound.

As he listened, others started to fill the room. They lined up behind him. I had never expected anything like this. Just lay here and let them hear my heart beat.

“Before we continue, could I get you anything? Water, soda, wine?”

I smiled. “What would you like me to have?”

“Oh you are cheeky.” He grinned. “Perhaps a little caffeine, to stimulate you. What does everyone think?”

There was a nod of agreement from the group and some muttering of approval. The first man smiled and had one of the caterers being me a soda can on a platter with a straw beside it.

“Go ahead and open it, then use the straw to limit your movement to drink.” He instructed.

I did as he asked. Once the can was open and the straw was in, in leaned over to the table where it sat and drank a few gulps. As I did, the man placed the diaphragm on my chest again.

He closed his eyes, listening and seemingly very content with the sound. Finally he opened them, took my hand and kissed the back of it. He stepped aside and the next person in line stepped up.

There was no clock in the room but it felt like time slowed in this room. Each person took their turn stepping up to my seat and just listening to my heartbeat. Some had me drink the soda, some had me lay down, some had me sit and stand quickly. I’d stand there and pant through running in place and jumping jacks in a too tight dress, as they listened to my heart’s reaction and then recovery.

Ba-dumpba-dumpba-dumpba-dump ba-dump ba-dump ba-dump

I had to admit, this was fun.

The last person was a woman, she couldn’t have been much older than me. She seemed more keen then the men had. Her eyes were bright behind her mask. She took a deep breath as her gold and white stethoscope settled on my chest.

“My… your heart… it’s by far one of the loveliest I’ve heard.” She said to me, her voice was lustful. “May I rest my head on your chest? Hear it directly with my ear?”

“Sure. I don’t see why not.” I replied.

“Would you like to hear your heart while I do?” She removed the stethoscope and offered it.

The people in the room all watched, eager to see how I would respond. Well, why not? If it made them happy it was my job tonight. I don’t think I’d ever heard my heartbeat before, not like this anyway.

“Okay. Sure” I replied with a smile.

That was the right answer as she grinned with excitement and placed the ear pieces in my ears. Then she placed the diaphragm down on my skin and rested her ear next to it.

I inhaled as I had before and my head filled with the rhythmic thumping they’d all been indulging in for the last few hours.

Ba-dump ba-dump ba-dump ba-dump

I closed my own eyes and lost myself in the sound. Maybe I should come to these parties more often. Hearing the steady beat, knowing it was mine… that was intoxicating.

“Do you like it?” She asked.

“Yeah. I think I get the vibe.” I responded.

“Are you ready to try something a little more interesting?” The first man asked, approaching me slowly. “You can refuse any of the requests, we won’t take offense or change your compensation. These would be granting special requests.”

The stethoscope was removed from my ears and I almost whined about it. I liked hearing my heart, understanding what they were hearing. What they enjoyed that brought me here.

“Sure,” I said. “What do you have in mind?”

End?

#cardiophilia #cardiophile #heartbeat #beating heart #female heartbeat #writing #cardiophile story

[panda-writes-kpop]

Sweet Grape Slushie ~ Jinsoul

a/n: i'm still not over pjo s1, so you're getting another fic that can help cure the brain rot (ps i'll get back to requests after i post the dami b-day fic and work on the other march birthdays for idols and friends).

also, if you aren't aware, the slushie title comes from a prompt list I made a year(?) ago. Feel free to check it out below if you're interested!

tw: sad vibes for a sweet fic but it's okay bc I make the rules :), single parent! reader

Summary: You were a mortal. Jinsoul was a goddess. Your child was the best of both of you. Maybe it's time that the two of them meet.

♡ Masterlist ♡ ▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎ ☆ Prompt List ☆

It wasn’t fair.

To you, to her, to your child.

Her child.

To be a child of a goddess is to be blessed with glorious purpose and unending strife. To have a mother you have never met and another parent who is struggling to cope with day-to-day life.

Sometimes, you wish you hadn't gone to that stupid aquarium and met a beautiful woman who captivated your mind, body, and soul. She was ethereal, among other humans, but you would learn that she was, in all seriousness, out of this world.

Things were good between the two of you for a while. Jinsoul was everything you could've asked for in a partner. You were together for years, and you wish you would be together right now.

Maybe you wouldn't be such a complete fucking failure if she was right next to you.

You can imagine her sweet smile as she wraps her arms around you and cuddles into your side.

"C'mon, babe, we can figure this out. It's you and me. What can't we face together?" She'd softly whisper into your ear as you sigh.

"Parenthood, apparently." You mutter as you look over at your child.

They patiently await for you to return with not a clue in the world of your internal dialog. They'd have to know about Jinsoul one day... why not now?

You weren't really mad at her, and if you were, it didn't last long. She was a goddess who had much more important people to deal with. Jinsoul didn't need your emotional baggage as well.

You just wanted her to send a sign that she was thinking of you two. Something that says "sorry for leaving a baby on your doorstep and deciding to never see you again!".

You're probably asking for too much.

Against your better judgment, you grab a nearby matchbox and light a match before dropping it in a half-drank milkshake. You said you were going to pay the bill, as your excuse to compose yourself before having a mental breakdown in front of your child, but only empty dishes greeted you at the hostesses' desk.

You hear rain gently knock against a nearby window as a small tear runs down your face.

A bell rings, signaling the entrance of another guest.

Soft footsteps approach you until someone stops to your left.

"You came." You say, looking directly at your child.

You don't need to hear her voice to know that she's right there, but you find yourself relaxing when Jinsoul addresses you.

"You called."

#kpop x reader #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop #kpopidol #kpop fanfic #kpop girls #kpop gg #girl group imagines #girl group scenarios #girl group x reader #girl group #girl group reactions #girl group au #girl group fanfic #loona imagines #loona fanfic #loona scenarios #loona jinsoul #loona #odd eye circle #artms #jinsoul x reader #jinsoul #jinsoul imagines #loona au #jinsoul fanfic #x reader #fanfic #jinsoul au

[roosteraloha]

ghosted

a hireath universe story

Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

wc - approx 2.5k

warnings - a lot of angst, description of a panic attack

disclaimer - ANY BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED!! I also DO NOT give permission for any of my works to be copied, shared, compiled, translated or posted onto other sites!!

comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

You glanced at your phone again. Pointless. The notification centre was still empty from the message you were expecting. There were a few texts from the dagger squad, namely Natasha’s ‘you’ve got this!!’, which was followed up with ‘I know you did good, can’t wait to hear all about it later :)’, Bob’s very simple but appreciated ‘good luck, do it just like we practised :)’ and Javy’s typical teasing that typically would’ve make you smile, but there was one name missing. The one you desperately craved, yet nothing.

This presentation was a big part of your final grade for one of your classes. Put simply, you had to present your research to the entire course at the end of the semester - which was a lot of people - to make it a bit more engaging, students were to invite a friend or family member to help show off their research results.

When this was first assigned, Bradley was an excellent helper, encouraging you to pick the topic you wanted to but was intimidated by, even volunteering himself to help with the presentation. You heart was bursting that he’d even want to help out with his hectic schedule, too afraid to even ask him about it, your plan was to ask Javy or Natasha for help, to completely avoid this very situation.

Unsurprisingly, you return to an empty house, no bronco in the driveway, and still no communication from Bradley. Stripping out of your formal clothes, you drag yourself to the bedroom, pulling on one of Bradley’s sweaters.

Deciding to just wait it out, not seeing the point of trying to reach Bradley only to be ghosted again, you make yourself a warm drink in your favourite mug that you bought when you first moved in, curling up on the couch, nestling under on the blankets scattered around in a feeble attempt to shut out the huff until Bradley got home.

Whenever that would be.

The rumble of the bronco in the driveway was the first sign that he was home, followed by his keys in the door, and the whistling of the same cheerful tune he always did, the one you could never exactly place. Exhaling shakily, you find your voice as he lovingly presses a kiss to the small section of your head that was visible from under your blanket, like he always did, like nothing was wrong.

“Where were you?” You were met with complete silence from your boyfriend. “I was at work, you know that. Why? What’s up?” He’s confused, brows furrowed, having completely forgotten about his promise to you. He couldn’t even text you to let you know that he wasn’t going to make it, the bare minimum that you both had put down as ground rules at the beginning of your friendship, never mind your relationship.

And that hurt.

“I never ask anything of you, and the one time I needed you to do one thing for me? You couldn’t! you didn’t even bother to let me know you wouldn’t make it! Do you know how that made me feel?! To be there all alone when I promised you’d be there! You humiliated me Bradley!!”

“I had to work!! But then again, you wouldn’t know what that’s like, would you?! I was busy, okay?! Just get off my back about this!!”

You immediately quieten and shrink back, more than Bradley had ever known you to do. It was clear he’d fucked up. He didn’t mean it. Deep down, you knew he didn’t mean it - he was just stressed and overworked. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

You eyes well with unshed tears, the deep ache in your chest was the worse than you could’ve ever imagined. This is why you were so cautious getting into a relationship. You never wanted to be pushed away in someone’s lists priorities, having promises broken along with your heart.

For years, you had been the single friend, and as the years went by, you had picked your friends back up after being completely heartbroken and depressed after a rough breakup countless times and you swore to yourself that you would never allow yourself to be in that position. That was until Bradley came along and turned your life upside down.

Bradley took a cautious step towards you, his hands out low, as if approaching a skittish wild animal that would spook if he moved too quickly. He was right. You darted straight past him, towards the door, tugging his sweater over your head and tossing it at his feet.

Once outside you just ran. You weren’t the most athletic person, certainly not compared to Bradley, but he was frozen in place, watching his world fall apart as you sprint out of the door, out of his life.

The slight chill in the air was unusual for springtime in San Diego, the sun had long since began to set, slowly taking its heat away, leaving it cold, just like how you felt.

You’d ran until you found a quiet cove on the beach, not too far from the Hard Deck - an intentional move due to the fact that in your haste to leave, you’d left your phone, at least if you needed to, you could get to Penny at least.

Back at your home, Bradley was in a panic. It’d been hours since you left - since he’d let you leave. He shot a quick text to the dagger squad groupchat, quickly being reminded of the previous talk of how to celebrate the end of your semester. It hit him now just how badly he’d fucked up. He knew how much time and effort you’d put into your degree and especially this presentation that he himself had volunteered to help present.

No one could figure out where you’d gotten to, by this point you could be anywhere, and that terrified Bradley. Natasha was quick to tear into Bradley for messing up so badly, the rest of the squad staying quiet for she worded everything perfectly.

He messed up.

Badly.

After watching the sunset with angry, hot tears streaming down your cheeks, and hearing the last few stragglers leave the Hard Deck, you slowly stand, brushing the cold sand off your legs. You pushed the back door open slowly, quietly moving to sit down in your usual corner, waiting for Penny to notice your presence.

It took a while before she felt your eyes on her, she startled, immediately rushing to your side, her motherly instincts kicking in. “Where the hell have you been?! Are you hurt? Bradley’s worried sick, the whole squad has been looking for you!” You shrugged noncommittally, you couldn’t find it in you to care. Bradley didn’t.

Placing a glass of water before you, Penny pulled out her phone, “I’m going to call Bradley, okay? Just to let him know you’re okay, he’s going to want to come and pick you up.” Immediately, you shook your head, “NO- I uh- Call Jake.” You didn’t know why you asked for Jake instead of Natasha - it just felt right. Nodding at Penny's frown, you insist, “Penny please, just call Jake.”

Jake arrived too soon after the phone call to have obeyed any traffic laws. The worry was deeply etched into his expression as he rushed to your side, hands immediately reaching out to pull you into a brief hug, before checking you over for any injuries.

Blinking away tears, your blurry eyes focus on his green ones. Jake easily saw through your meagre attempt at suppressing your overwhelming panic. You craved Bradley’s comfort, but he wanted you off his back, panic building as your thoughts raced on repeat.

He didn’t want you.

He wanted you off his back.

Did he not love you like you loved him?

Where did it all go so wrong?

Bradley didn’t want you.

Bradley didn’t want you.

The loud buzzing in your ears faded, slowly registering Jake’s soothing tone. “Just keep breathing. In and out. Yeah, just like that. You’re doing great. You’ve got this.”

The next thing you know, Jake was replaced by Bradley, pulling you tightly to his chest. You inhaled sharply, gasping to catch your breath.

Rough, warm hands cradle your face, encouraging you to maintain eye contact. Bradley’s eyes were glistening with tears, red-rimmed, a tell-tale sign that he too was suffering. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” His voice was hoarse, breaking with emotion, “You scared the shit out of me. Don’t you ever leave like that again, you hear me?”

Repeating his demand, ensuring you heard him, you shakily reach out and grab a hold of the back of his sweater, not wanting any physical or emotional distance between you. Looking over his shoulder, you realised that Jake was now joined by the rest of the dagger squad, and to your surprise, even Maverick, all of whom wore a slight variation of worry and relief, watching you and Bradley from the bar, giving you some space.

"What I said was stupid. I was being so stupid and unfair to you. And I'm truly sorry for that." One of his hands gently runs through your hair, pulling your head gently away from his neck, “I am so so sorry. I cannot apologise enough. But please, never ever leave like that when I have no way of contacting you, no way of knowing if you’re hurt. Okay?”

You nod slowly, eyes searching his to see he truly was regretting his words and the way he treated you. “I won’t. I hope this never happens again, but I’ll bring my phone and a charger next time, okay?” He immediately nods, the tension visibly easing in his shoulders, soothing his hands across your cheeks, keeping physical contact with you at all times.

Shifting slightly, you glance up over his shoulder, meeting the concerned gaze of your friends, shyly giving them a soft, apologetic smile. You never meant to worry any of them, you just needed space. Standing shakily, you walk over to them, with Bradley’s arm wrapped tightly around your waist, not allowing you to stray more than a step from his side.

It felt secure, it felt safe.

The squad brought you into a large group hug, thankful that you were okay. Bradley pulled Jake to one side, expressing his gratitude for him dropping everything to get to you when Penny called, and letting him know straight away that he knew you were safe. For all teasing and tension between them in the skies and careers, Bradley was truly grateful to have someone as loyal as Jake in his life - not that he would ever let Jake know that though.

By the time you’d got home, you couldn’t stop shivering, something Bradley had immediately picked up on, softly leading you upstairs and into the bathroom. He lifted you so you were sat on the counter, as busied himself gathering a fresh sweater of his, along with his pair of sweatpants that you’d taken after your first night together. He began running a bath, reaching under the counter to find the bubble bath he knew you loved but was too expensive for you to use regularly, along with your shampoo, conditioner and body wash.

You knew where this was going. This is what you loved about Bradley. His attention to minute details about you.

He slowly helped you into the bath, after helping you undress carefully, kneeling outside the bath to allow you to stretch out fully. After letting you adjust to the temperature of the water, he softly began to wash your hair, having watched you do it countless times, he followed each step with precision, not letting a single bubble reach your face. Then, he’s pinning it up with a claw clip while he washed your body delicately, such small acts of affection that had your heart growing at how closely he’d paid attention to your routines.

He let you soak away your stress for a while, until the water started to cool slightly. Then, he was guiding you to stand, drying you off and started to apply your body lotion. He pulled his clothes he picked out carefully onto you, before sliding on a new pair of fluffy socks, which you knew he secretly loved so he didn’t feel your cold feet in bed.

Next, he was combing your hair gently with his fingers, following each detailed step in your hair care routine, blow drying your hair fully. Bradley had listened to your grumblings every single hair wash day since you’d moved in together to know that after such an emotionally exhausting day, drying your hair yourself would be the last thing you wanted to do.

Now tears of love and admiration were welling in your eyes, not understanding how you had got so lucky to have a man like Bradley in your life, someone who paid so much attention to each little aspect of your life. You grabbed his arm gently as he was lining up all your skincare products on the counter, bringing his attention back to you. His brow furrows deeply at your glossy eyes, he goes to speak but you cut him off with a kiss, one that you hoped expressed how much you loved and appreciated him. Pulling away, you kissed him again gently and smiled softly, letting him get back starting your skincare routine.

Cuddled up in your bed next Bradley was the perfect ending to such a stressful day. He lovingly carried you to the bed, tucked you under the covers, even allowing you to have an extra blanket than he normally did, just to bring an extra smile to your face. Resting your head against his shoulder, you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, to which he returned with a gentle kiss to your forehead, his hand wrapped around your shoulder and his hand cradling the back of your head.

“I’m sorry I missed the presentation. So tell me all about it. And I mean everything.” You laughed softly at Bradley’s love of college student drama, snuggling impossibly closer to him, and starting to recall your day, pausing for his commentary about each presentation and drama starting student, soon pushing your miscommunication fight to the back of your mind.

You truly loved Bradley.

no pressure tags

(either you reblogged hiraeth or interacted with my other post - if you don’t want to be tagged pls send me a message and I’ll remove you)

#bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw imagine #top gun maverick fic #allina writes

[mistyresolve]

HIIII!! Todays my birthday but I’m not someone who likes my birthday. My therapist told me to try to do others things on my birthday to forget the bad things and enjoy. So nothing better then asking for an amazing creator to make a story right? Love your content btw!!! I would like to request a ghost x reader where she hid her birthday because she doesn’t specifically like it because of some unknown reason and he does something. Could be a party or whatever. I want the story to be kind of like a surprise tbh. Could be fluff or smut or whatever you wanna write. Thank you either way. Love you!

Word Count - 1.1k Warnings/Tags - None A/N - sorry i'm a little late getting this out!! I've been working a clinical for my school, but I hope you had a relaxing birthday. Please accept this short one-shot as my gift from me to you 🤍

Masterlist  ❤︎  Tag List Form

The clock on the wall read: 21:23, meaning you’ve made it the entire day without a single birthday celebration. No having to awkwardly stand in the doorway while people around you sing that awful grating “Happy Birthday” jingle when you walk into a room. There were no announcements during your morning meeting. There were no surprise parties when you entered the barracks. There was no opening those last-minute gifts that would inevitably end up in the garbage and lying to the gifter about how much you needed it. 

The day was just like every other day before and every day that would be after. You preferred it that way and you couldn’t have been more thankful. You kept the significance of this day close to your chest, kept its existence a secret. You received one card for an aunt the day before along with a request to visit her once you returned home from your tour. 

A bitter relief soothed the muscle of your clenched jaw when you got to your room uninterrupted. The comforting quiet of the empty space was the only gift from the world you welcomed. You tugged off your boots, setting them on the rack in the closet, and your uniform followed close behind in preparation for your nightly shower. You changed into a pair of loose shorts and a military issued green shirt and opened the door once more. 

It was a knee-jerk reaction to attack the crouching form before your door. His own reflexes matched yours and tossed the knee coming for his face to the side, narrowly avoiding a broken nose. It painfully cracked into the door frame. 

You hisses, “Jesus,” and hopped back into your room, rubbing at the already forming bruise. 

“You psycho,” Ghost glowered up at you, a hand instinctively reaching for the blade at his thigh. 

“You’re the one camping outside my door like a serial killer,” you spat, needing to lean against the wall to take the weight off your leg. You waved an aggravated hand at him, freezing when you spotted the small box in his hand, wrapped in plain brown paper. The same paper they supplied at the post office. You narrow your eyes at him, suddenly suspicious, “What are you doing?” 

“Dusting,” he raised to his full height, now looming over you. He wasn’t wearing his normal attire and mask, a clear sign that he was off duty. He wore a regular black ball cap and a mask that covered his mouth. The top half of his face was still visible; his dark brows, thick lashes, and intense eyes were on full display. It felt like an intrusion to see him so bare. If your nerves weren’t shot you would have ogled at him. 

“That’s a lie,” you looked down the hallway, making sure no one would overheat the conversation.

“Obviously,” he pulled his hands behind his back in a poor attempt to hide the box from your view, “I’m just…hanging around.” 

You gave him an incredulous look, “Outside my door?”, you reluctantly realized it would be less painful to just rip off the bandaid, “What’s in the box, Riley?” you sighed, irked. 

You didn’t think he was capable of blushing but the light pink that appeared beneath his skin was all the evidence you needed, “A gift. For you.” 

You opened your mouth to snarl at him, but when the doors to the outside clicked open you tugged him into the dark room, closing the door behind him. 

“Return it,” you quipped at him. His having a gift for you meant he was aware that it was your birthday today. It felt like an invasion; like he was seeing you naked.

“It’s not really something I can return,” he admitted, his cool tenor matching his steady eyes. He had stomped out the bashful air surrounding him so quickly, “I haven’t mentioned anything to anyone else if that’s what you're concerned about. Nor did I spend any money on you.” 

“I’m more concerned about who told you,” you stepped back from him, the tension between you felt like a tether around your throat. 

“It was in your file,” he revealed but quickly added, “I’ve read the file of everyone that I’ve worked with,” when he saw the unsettled look pull down your face.   

You stared at him, your mouth a hard line. A combination of relief and interest tested your resolve to remain angry. 

“Would you just open the damn thing,” he held out the box, no bigger than the palm of his hand. 

Cautiously you took it from him, “If it’s a stupid keychain I’m throwing it out.”

“Shut up.” 

The only sound was you ripping the paper and you shaking the box till the bottom fell out. You didn’t expect your reaction to be one of delighted shock. You stared at it, eyes blurring with hot tears, “How did—”, the words caught between your clenched teeth. There laying on a bed of tissue paper was a small charm. The chain that once accompanied it was still at large, but it was a small piece of metal hammered into a daisy, each petal as delicate as the last was a gift from your late sister you thought you lost on your last mission.   

“Figured you’d want it back,” he shifted on his feet, suddenly finding the view outside your window incredibly fascinating.  

He must have gone back to find it after you realized it was missing. When, or how, or why he would do such a thing was incomprehensible. This small gift was more than just a necklace charm, its sentimental value was priceless. You didn’t think you would ever see it again, hadn’t even considered going back and looking for it yourself. 

“This means a lot,” you tried covering the whimper with a laugh, “More than I could ever express. Thank you.”

“Of course,” he lowered his chin, his somber expression visible even with the mask, “Had a hell of a time finding the damn thing.” 

“Why did you do that?” you tilted your head at him, confused. 

He shrugged, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants, “Knew it was the only gift you would accept.”         

You opened your mouth but couldn’t find the right words. There were no words equivalent to the feeling of the weight being lifted from your shoulders. 

He knew that you didn’t particularly like your birthday, and he still managed to celebrate it without you feeling sick to your stomach. He didn’t make it out to be a big deal. Or try and change your mind about the day. Or pry into your past to find out why you didn’t like the day. He simply gave you a gift.       

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#simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley fanfiction #simon riley #cod ghost #cod fanfic #cod x reader #mw2 #ghost mw2 #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #MistyGhosties

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

Wed the Witches - Sneak Preview/Snippet

Based on this poll, one of the two winners for snippets was Wed the Witches, a never-before-posted/seen WIP that will one day make it to Ao3. The snippet below is a little over 1k words. Enjoy, and thank you again, all of you, for your Remadora love and support :)

The older he is, the more likely there’s something wrong with him.

It was all the advice Tonks was given when she browsed through the catalogue of available wizards. Pages upon pages of demographic information looked up at her, of eligible bachelors across the country who sought a wife. It wasn’t supposed to come to this, Tonks thought glumly, as she leafed through the pages, but she had no choice. Seven years at Hogwarts hadn’t helped her find a husband, so she was stuck at the Ministry, unable to begin her Auror training without selecting someone to marry.

It was terribly unfair that witches were ordered to marry before they turned 20, while wizards were allowed to remain single until they were 49. Unwed witches were automatically and forcibly matched to the oldest available bachelors; unwed wizards were castrated as punishment. 

“Find anyone you like?” 

The kind voice of Tonks’s father was a sorely needed distraction.

“How am I supposed to pick one?” 

“That’s a question for your mother, darling.” Ted lightly mussed Tonks’s pink hair and sat down next to her at the kitchen table. “Although she never had to go through with her selection, thank God.”

Tonks wrinkled her nose. Her mother, Andromeda, had also gone through seven years at Hogwarts without finding a husband. Her parents let her choose a bachelor, provided he was a pureblood, and the only candidate they accepted was more than twice Andromeda’s age. She eloped with the true love of her life, Ted, and avoided an unsavory fate.

“Mum didn’t even want to marry that creep,” Tonks muttered. “She had you. The only bloke I fancied is off in Egypt with a stupid exemption until he’s 30. I reckon he’ll find some Egyptian goddess, marry her, and never have to worry about us English witches sending him a letter.”

“Try to look at it from their perspective.” Ted took the catalogue and ran his finger down the list. “Think about this one: he’s 29, a father of three, he works at a shop in Hogsmeade, and was a Slytherin. Any witch who sends him a letter has got to be his kids’ stepmother. If I’d lost your mum when you were small—” Ted shuddered at the thought. “I’d have to trust a stranger to be your stepmother, and with the changes they made to the law in ’74, I’d have to have more children until I had a son.”

Tonks frowned at her father. “Okay, I’ll pick him, then,” she said. “This 25 year old dad of three can be my husband. I’m normal and I won’t do anything to the kids. If I’m lucky, one of the kids is a boy so I won’t have to have kids if I don’t want to.” She grabbed a roll of parchment, but her father tugged it back.

“Dora, wait,” Ted warned. “This is a big decision. Read his notes before you write anything down.”

Tonks rolled her eyes and flipped the page over. She was aghast at the amount of notes this bachelor had. 

“Married three times already . . . each kid with a different wife . . . all Muggle women who left him?” Tonks gaped at her father. “How is this man not in Azkaban?” 

“If he married Muggle women, it’s impossible to know.” Ted flipped through more pages in the catalogue. “I’d think you want someone with some notes, just to know what’s ahead, but nothing too concerning.” 

“Give it back—” Tonks took the catalogue from her father and grunted. There had to be someone within its pages she could spend the rest of her life with. “I’ll just . . . I’ll put a star next to the ones that aren’t hopeless and work until I’ve got a shortlist.”

“You’re sure you want to keep your mother out of this?” 

Tonks scoffed at her father. “Mum would pick the most boring sounding one. It’s my life, not hers.”

“She only wants what’s best for you, sweetheart.” Ted stood from the table, kissed the crown of her head, and put water on to boil. “You’ll need lots of tea and patience.”

“Where did you send Mum, by the way?” Tonks said, as she flipped past two of the oldest men in the catalogue. The two 47 year olds would not be part of her list. 

Ted grinned and set down two steaming mugs on the table. “I might’ve suggested she take a girls’ day with Hestia and Emmeline. They’ll have a cracking time at afternoon tea in Mayfair.”

“At one of those insufferably posh hotels?”

“Your mum will be in the best mood possible before you make your announcement, whoever you choose.” Ted flicked his wand at one of the cupboard and a tin of Tonks’s favorite biscuits landed in front of her. “I may not be your mum, but I still want you to find someone who will love you as much as we do.”

Tonks seriously doubted that any man she chose out of a Ministry-organized catalogue would fall in love with her. If she was like the older Hufflepuff girls she knew, she’d be lucky if her catalogue-husband even wanted to be friends with her. 

As she flipped through the files of available men, Tonks said, “You know, Dad, I really should’ve said yes to Ralph Oliphant’s last-minute offer. He’s freakishly tall and he kind of looks like a naked mole rat, but he wouldn’t have been half-bad.”

Ted raised a brow at her as she starred another promising bachelor. “Do you want to write to him?” he asked. “See if he’s still interested?”

“Nah, he got married to Debbie Ketzler a week after we got back from Hogwarts. She said no to him too, but I heard she got spooked by the catalogue and went back for him.”

“And you’re not . . . spooked? As you put it?”

Tonks dog-eared a page in the catalogue and shrugged. “Less scared, more . . . unwilling?”

Ted hmmed and leaned back. Tonks continued her work, and after two strong cups of tea, she had six pages marked with the best options. There was one that stood out above the rest. He was perfect, if a little old for her taste, but a twelve and a half year age gap wasn’t a dealbreaker. He had a good job, no children, no previous marriages, and other than the highly questionable circumstances listed in his notes, he was the best one in the catalogue.

Eligible Wizard #60-W31-029X was a risky choice. There was no denying that. 

There was also no denying that if she chose anyone else, she would have an equal chance of happiness with a stranger. This stranger, the one whose record she held in her hands, seemed like the right choice. 

Tonks made her decision.

“This one.” Tonks shoved the catalogue back at her father. “This one will be my husband.”

“31, half-blood, never married, and no children,” Ted read aloud. “He works at a shop in Diagon Alley, makes good money, was a Gryffindor, above average O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s—” Ted was about to flip the page for the mystery bachelor’s notes when he paused and looked up at Tonks. “Did you read the notes? This one seems . . .”

“Too normal, right?” Tonks put her hand down on the catalogue to prevent her father from reading the notes. “He’s got one of the best profiles in this book. I would’ve picked him right away but there’s a catch with him, and it’s a big one. It’s probably why he’s still single. I reckon if I can be an Auror, I can handle what’s going on with him.” 

Ted rubbed his palms together. “All right . . . what’s wrong with him?”

Tonks flipped the page over. 

“He’s a werewolf.” 

#remadora #nymphadora tonks #remus lupin #remus x tonks #tonks x lupin #remus x nymphadora #lupin x tonks #marriage law au #just wait till remus finds out she picked him #he has no idea what he's in for

[kitmoas]

Now, then, and Forever/

Summary: Sometimes you have to dig through the ashes

Word Count: about 10k

Warnings: ANGST (vague/brief mentions of Sexual Assault, Death, Suicide, and Self Harm), Fighting and Avenger work, and then verbal fights

*As always, let me know if I missed anything important*

A/N: This is the first part of the TGU6: Season 1 Finale! As you guys voted for, the finale is separated into two halves. Part 2 will be posted tomorrow around the same time!! ALSO there might be so many mistakes and I suck so I do be sorry my loves

***MINORS DNI*** PAY ATTENTION TO TAGS and hit the KEEP READING if you are 18+ and Open to Reading*** ***18+ ONLY***

Training Grounds Master List

“It isn’t something I’m used to, you know?” The sun shines brightly against the shiny skyscrapers all around the two, rays hitting cars’ mirrors far below them as they take a snack break in between civilian tasks. 

The boy nods, a barely there sigh as he waits for what comes next. He knows every line, and knows the troubles. It wasn’t something that made him happy, and sometimes he wishes that his best friend never met her girlfriend. He hates the thought, the two were basically perfect together but with the beloved princess came two people that he believed would be the archer’s downfall one way or another. 

“I love her…but I know I’m going to lose her one day. I’m not the person that people keep around and I get that, I’m tainted and not good.” Even though the brunette has said these words hundreds of times, it still gets stuck in her throat. 

Peter sighs, trying to gather the strength to not get angry. He’s not mad at anyone in particular, he hates being angry, but the frustration he feels by this entire situation is getting to be too much. The young boy doesn’t know too much about relationships, only really being with MJ, but he does know that the four of them need to figure out what is going on before it destroys them all. “Kate..you know I don’t believe that and neither does she.” 

The young brunette shakes her head, pulling her legs up so they no longer dangle over the edge. Wrapping her arms around her knees, leaning her forehead against her arms, making her look even younger than she is. 

Peter raises his hand, hesitant and hanging in the air near his best friend’s shoulder before he lets it fall back to his side. He can’t push too much, knowing the girl would immediately retract into herself and hide all of her emotions. 

“I’ve done everything, anything I could. I just wanted them to love me. I want them to look at me like the books, you know? I get it’s not up to them, it isn’t their job but sometimes I just want to be good enough just..being me.” The way she speaks is frantic, fast and almost out of it. It’s almost as if she’s not even there, just a mindless rattling of her thoughts. 

“I don’t want to say it again, but at this point I’m going to. It feels like that saying, don’t meet your heroes and that sucks but Kate you are not being treated correctly by them. Your girl shouldn’t be letting them treat you this way either, and no matter how amazing she is that doesn’t give her a pass to let others treat you like shit.” The young man isn’t sure why he decided to signal you out, but he did. Trying to shrug off the guilt, he stays head strong in his statement. 

“Clint turned out fine.” Kate’s voice is small, an attempt at her know-it-all mask. It’s a pitiful effort, they both know that but neither point it out. 

Closing his eyes, the grip on his soda tightens just a little and cracks the glass slightly before he takes a deep calming breath. “Well.. maybe that’s because you didn’t start dating his wife?” 

Kate’s head snaps up, wide eyes as she shakes her head adamantly. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Wanda and Natasha gave her permission to go out and be single while they were gone. It isn’t my fault really that they wanted to keep me around after. I didn’t…I-” Her voice dies out as she starts shaking, her head falling back to lean against her knees as she tries to reign in the beginnings of a panic attack. 

The boy sighs, trying to back track immediately. He didn’t want to make her panic or freak out, just point out a basic difference between the two. “Just because you didn’t mean for it to happen, and just because they kept you around, doesn’t mean that you get to be treated like this or that they expected everything to end up like this. Maybe something else happened and now they aren’t sure where the dynamic is?” Slowly speaking, trying to bring focus back to the normal way these conversations go, Peter lets himself watch a few kids play below them on the sidewalk as he waits for a response. 

Kate lifts her head slowly, a confused expression painted across her face as she turns to look at the boy. Her mouth falls open a few times, eyebrows furrowing as she tries to collect her thoughts. A noise of skepticism tumbles from her lips, making her flinch at herself and how pathetic she sounded. 

“You’re telling me that you haven’t noticed anything different? Things haven’t evolved in the year or so that you became part of this dynamic? Even if that evolution isn’t something that you want, it needs to be dealt with before it drags you all down.” He turns to her now, a gentle look on his face as he finally notices she’s calmed down and seemingly back to her fix-it mentality. 

Ocean eyes squint, a teasing look soaring across her face when a mischievous smirk pulls at her lips. “When did you become so smart? You’re a child.” 

He rolls his eyes, running his hand through his messy curls. “Being with MJ has pushed me to learn about things and how to read her emotions.” Trying to push off the real foundation he found, a mentor who has been helping him be a better man for his girlfriend. 

The archer sees right through it, snorting as she mocks her best friend. “You’ve been hanging out with Scott and Hope haven’t you?”

He’s laughing, nodding as he shoves Kate away from him. The two taunt and joke with each for a while, giggling and gossiping like normal teenagers as they watch birds and planes fly by. 

Ringing interrupts the moment, the two of them laughing even harder when the jarring noise almost makes Peter fall off the ledge. 

“If you two are done doing whatever it is that you happen to be doing, I have a mission for you.” The static filled Stark voice almost echoes at the height the two are, bouncing off the glass and muffling against the brick. 

Struggling to contain the giggles, the young boy straightens even though his mentor cannot see him. “Yes Mr. Stark sir, we are ready.” 

Scoffing, the billionaire’s sarcastic smirk can almost be heard as he attempts to hum professionally. “Good, don’t disappoint. The information has been sent to both of your HUDs. I’ll see you both soon.” 

The two of them chug back their drinks, smiles bright as they stand and quickly stretch their legs. Peter’s mask materializes around his head, eyes blinking as he readjusts to the ability to focus. He looks around as Kate’s new suit bleeds out from the shooting glove on her left hand, a mix of nanotech and Uru. The two still can’t believe the suit that was gifted to the CEO, something that must have taken not only a trip into space but months to build. Purple and black in color, shiny as it glows from the magic within its molecules, the suit practically melts against her skin before dark purple glasses slip around her head. 

Kate’s eyes blink frantically, working to quickly adjust to the blinking information that shows up about everything around her; a smirk spreads along her face before she jumps off the ledge. “Race you there!” 

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“Do you think it was a mistake?” The sentence made you freeze, alcohol blurring your vision and sugar rushing your veins. It wasn’t sudden, you knew that your brother and best friend had been walking on eggshells to not bring up the situation that you’re in but you weren’t ready for such a blunt question. A toe dipping into the endless abyss of water, just a touch to see the temperature, was expected even welcomed because you knew you needed to talk about it. You should have known better. You never seemed to get what you thought you needed—no, instead you were handed what the world believed you would benefit from. 

Unsure of where to even begin to answer, you slowly look away from the screen to where the other two sit huddled together. Taking a deep breath you try to settle the sinking feeling in your stomach, the sting of bile crawling its way up your throat at the thought of them asking if one of the three people you love were a blunder. “A mistake?” Your voice is shaky, cracking embarrassingly, bringing a vexed maroon across your face. Something you always hated about yourself was your inability to hide your emotions, your mask only lasting long enough for you to flee judgemental eyes before crumbling into pieces at your feet. 

With each movement, awkward and robotic, crinkling of candy wrappers and snaps of pretzel sticks fill the room. No one really knows where to go with the conversation now, the threat of a full blown fight just a few wrong words away. 

It’s the blonde who gains the courage to speak up first, hesitant with each word nonetheless. “It…we are not saying that you need to end but you do not think this is getting out of control?” 

You are instantly defensive, not wanting to admit to the state of your dynamic. It wasn’t something you were proud of, hiding in the good moments to distract yourself from the bad. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh now, we all know that is a lie. Do not lie to your best friend.” Yelena settles back into the couch, crossing her arms as she mockingly pouts up at you. She is no longer scared of your outburst, knowing that it’s just a way for you to redirect your own frustration. 

It surprises you when Carson’s voice rings out, strong and confident. Your younger brother is rarely open to confrontation, and it makes the situation you’re in even more serious to you if he is even ready to speak up about it. “Everyone sees it now, even mom and dad are questioning things. You lasted how many years without them even second guessing where you were going, and all that is going to crumble in a couple months.” 

“He isn’t our fucking dad!” Your voice cracks, anger clawing its way up your throat. Glaring at the floor in front of the coffee table, you try to sort through your thoughts quickly but you can’t even decide who you’re actually mad at. 

Carson nods, setting the control on the couch next to him as he sighs. He had thought you would be passively defensive, not outwardly offensive with him but he was wrong. The young boy should have known as soon as he brought up your step-father that things wouldn’t be as smooth for him as they were for the widow next to him. 

Yelena just raises her eyebrow, rolling her eyes as she watches you seethe. “Do not take it out on him, you know that your anger is not at us so take a moment to breathe.” She’s talking almost as if she would to a child, but for some reason it doesn’t make you angry. 

“I don’t know anymore. Okay? Is that what you guys want to hear? I don’t fucking know anymore. Everything is falling apart and everyone is so angry all the time. My life is crumbling, every single thing I thought I knew is breaking. Everything is so tense and I don’t know how to deal with it! I didn’t sign up to keep the entire world together! Okay? I didn’t want this! I am not the one in charge! I signed up to be able to give and do, and become a person that eases the tension in a relationship by just existing as I am. I didn’t sign up to be a smart issue fixer. I sound like a fucking idiot, I can’t fix anything! I couldn’t even save dad, how does anyone expect me to save them? How does anyone expect me to fix things? 

The two watch as you stand up, screaming into the room. It doesn’t scare them but the louder you get the more that your younger brother flinches. The blonde agent just sits there, legs crossed as she watches you break down. No matter how much either of them want to reach out to you, Yelena knows better. The moment you realize that you are still in a room with people you’ll dart, flight kicking in as the fight in you sizzles out. 

She knows you need this, a moment to feel the pain that you have been bottling up for months now. Everything in your body and mind mixes, memories being dragged into your current world to try and make sense of something that you feel like you lost control of. As much as it pains both of them to sit there and do nothing while you crumble in front of them, they know it’s the best thing for you. 

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“The world won’t understand who you are and what you want, but that isn’t something that should cause you to fight this.” The airy, echoey voice grates along the inside of the brunette’s head. Annoyance sinking into her body the moment the conversation diverts to the topic she had been avoiding. She didn’t want to hear another lecture about the future, instead she wanted to be trained like they had agreed upon. 

Wanda sighs, frustration seeping out of her body. She wants to reach out and strangle them but she knows that it would be futile. They aren’t there saying these things out of spite or ill intent, but as knowledge. “What if I want to fight it? What if this isn’t what I want?” 

It’s like they loved to mock the Avenger, snickering at her as she explained her feelings before shooting down every single thing she wanted. “You don’t really get to decide that Wanda, this isn’t something you can just get rid of. It’s your destiny.” The wide smile on their face boils the witch’s blood, wanting to simply speak it out of existence. 

“This doesn’t fit into my plans.” The witch could feel the steel stubborn bricks building in her stomach, something that her parents used to say she had when she was younger. It was always an issue of hers, anytime she wanted something and didn’t feel like she should budge she dug her feet in and built steel bricks. 

Wanda watches as they roll their eyes, taunting her as they lazily inspect their nails. “Losing Pietro and your parents didn’t fit into the plan. Losing your home didn’t fit into the plan. Being taken to this country and forced to fight for a side you never believed in that didn’t fit in the plan.” If the Sokovian could, she would strangle the arrogance out of them; absolutely fuming at the mention of everything she has lost in her life. “This..this fits into the plan more than you could ever believe and you need to trust the prophecy.” 

A sarcastic scoff tears through the brunette’s teeth before she can stop it, eyes twitching as she works to keep the connection between the two of them through her annoyance. Regardless of how much she despised what she was being told, she knew that she needed to hear it. Preparation was needed, and this was the way she would find it. “Until I once again lose everything that I love because of a foolish prophecy. I have finally built a life that I’m happy with, am surrounded by people who love me for who I am. Is that not the real plan? Is that not what I wanted forever?” 

The feeling of a cold finger tilting her head up makes Wanda’s skin crawl, the urge to break the digit off is strong but she resists. A feigned sympathetic look spreads across their face as they coo at the witch. It’s almost believable, but the younger brunette is smarter. She knows they don’t actually care about her, using her to make sure they are safe and able to mold her as needed. This is a strategic survival plan, but she has no other option than to play into it.  “Think bigger sweetheart, love is an Earthly thing. You were destined for more than just this planet.”

Wanda sighs, her face scrunching when she feels her magic surge; begging to break free.  “Maybe it’s you that was destined for more. I want to spend the rest of my time doing exactly what I’ve been doing. Nothing less and nothing more.” 

“If only you could have control over that, but no one can stop this–not even you.” The witch opens her mouth to counteract, complain that if she’s so powerful then why can’t she do something. “No, there’s things out there that even we cannot control and that’s something that we both need to learn to accept.” Their hand reaches up, petting her brunette hair completely disregarding the tense muscles. It’s entirely too much, almost comedical, as if they were baiting an angry bear. 

Wanda’s eyes snap open, glowing crimson as she loses control. She knows what they meant, a world that would know who she is destined to be will emerge inevitably and she has to be ready to lose it all. It’s knowledge she understands, grasps fully, but it’s something that she will fight until her last dying breath. The world can try to destroy the life she has created, but it will have to demolish her along with it. 

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Watching him pace the floors of his old farm house was always weirdly relaxing to Natasha, knowing that being here meant safety. The two friends tried their hardest to never actually come here unless they knew no one would follow them. “You can’t keep acting like you don’t remember what you were told, it isn’t fair to anyone.” Just like that, it’s less of a safe place for the ginger.  

Pouting the assassin stares up at the archer, trying to guilt him into saying sorry for absolutely nothing. “Stop taking someone else’s side, just because she’s your mentee doesn’t denote the fact that I am supposed to be your best friend.” She sighs when she realizes that it didn’t work, the man immune to even her most basic attempts. 

The tired man rolls his eyes, rubbing at his face as he bends down to pick up some thrown clothes on the ground. “That wasn’t the reason, nor am I taking anyone’s side. I just simply think that this entire situation is getting incredibly out of con–” The rest of his lecture is thankfully cut off as his three children come rushing into the room, the youngest immediately running circles around his name sake. 

The young boy practically becomes a cheetah every time he sees the ginger, excitement making his body vibrate. “Auntie Nat, tell dad that we should get pizza tonight please!” Even as he zooms around his big puppy dog eyes are obvious, and it tugs at the widow’s heart strings knowing she can never say no to him. 

“C’mon Barton, don’t be boring! Give the little gremlins what they want!” The ginger drags the youngest boy back, smiling wide at his screeches. Pulling him to sit in her lap, Nat smiles as she hugs Nate as close as possible. She knows that she needs to come around more as she realizes how much heavier he’s gotten since she last saw him. Pushing away the emotion as the speed of his growth hits her, the Russian focuses on the present. 

The glare shot her way is ignored, subtly flipping off the older man. He stands up straighter, raising his eyebrow as he stares down his best friend. “Just because they’re here doesn’t mean you get out of talking, you know that right?” 

“Are you in trouble Aunt Nat?” Lila’s curious gaze meets the widow’s, and Natasha gulps as she silently curses the young girl’s maturity and sharp social skills. She's too young to be this good at it, but then again so was the widow.

Cooper’s ears perk up at that, the older boy starting to grow into his own and eager for a moment to show off his skills. Even if it is his sister that has picked up the family archery, he has officially started exploring different forms of protection. Taking after another Avenger, the boy has been learning how to fight with shields and weapons made for defense. It's something that his family pokes fun at him for, but he loves it.

The Russian smiles, softening her entire expression as she looks over at the young girl. She needs the conversation to end there, or at least the interest in it from the adolescents in the group. “No sweetie, I’m fine. Your dad just wants to try and get me to talk about things I don’t want to talk about.” 

Clint scoffs, rolling his eyes as he settles into the couch and pulls out a menu. “More like talking to someone about something that you need to talk about.” 

Cooper groans, flopping back onto the recliner. “Dad we aren’t little kids anymore, you can talk about grown up things around us. Well I guess Nate is a baby.” He snickers when he sees the younger boy gasp. 

Darting off of Natasha’s lap, Nate launches himself at his older brother. The two immediately begin to wrestle, tumbling over the back of the chair and rolling around on the wooden floor. Lila rolls her eyes, slipping on her headphones as she tries to ignore the annoyance of the boys. One to always try to act cool around her aunt. 

“Figuring out dinner is difficult Clint, and not everyone can just magically do that.” The ginger crosses her arms, slowly receding into herself as she feels the lecture coming back. 

The old archer chuckles, jotting down notes on what they would be ordering that night, barely paying attention to anything the other is saying. “You act like food is so difficult. It’s not. You look at the options, and you pick the best one. It’s that simple Nat.” He presents his list arrogantly to the woman, wiggling his eyebrow mockingly. 

Huffing, the assassin glares at a scuff on the floor. Refusing to the cocky expression on the other’s face, she denies him another time. “Not when it’s dinner for everyone in the house, not everyone is going to be happy with the same thing everytime.” 

Dropping the notepad down on the side table, Clint leans against his knees as he pushes into Natasha’s personal bubble just slightly. “Stop acting like you’re feeding toddlers, it truly isn’t that hard to feed four adults and make sure they all get at least something that will be good for them. I can easily cook dinner for Laura and our kids, you can cook for your group too.” 

“Why does it fall on us, huh? You and I should get the opportunity to just sit back and wait for dinner to be finished.” Not one to take a challenge lightly, the ginger drops her feet to the ground to level up with Barton. 

Smirking, the archer tilts his head and laughs at the woman. He knows exactly where he trapped her, and he knows that he can use it to his advantage now. “Sometimes you gotta step up Nat.” 

“Step up to what dad? It’s just dinner, stop acting like it’s a mission to cook.” Cooper’s crooked grin as he interrupts the competitive moment makes the Avengers chuckle, a split second of relief in the conversation. 

Standing, and obnoxiously stretching, Clint uses his body to force the ginger to lose balance and fall back into the chair. “Yeah, well your Aunt Nat isn’t really good when she’s the one in charge of dinner. She’s burned the food the past few times, keeps just trying to order food to replace it.” 

Nate's eyes brighten, excitement buzzing through his body as he hears one of his favorite dinner ideas. “Delivery is the best though!” 

Nodding along, the father picks up his phone to prepare to call the pizza shop. Pausing, he leans against the table as he takes the minute to look at four of his favorite people. “It’s amazing and fun, but it doesn’t replace a home cooked meal. Sometimes seeing that effort and love put into something so warm means more than something just bought, or picked out. Dinner, and food in general, is an act of love. It’s a way to show someone you care about them, and some days it’s okay to order something to be delivered. It still shows you care enough to get them food, but that extra effort to take time out of your day to plan and actually cook the food is so much better. The food also almost always tastes better. Love isn’t about the money kids, and neither is food. It’s something that your Aunt Nat needs to learn, and it’s a hard lesson to learn but it’s one that everyone has to go through at some point.” 

As he finally turns away, lifting the phone to his ear and the kids go back to playing, the ginger’s focus drifts out the window. Thoughts of you, Wanda, and lastly Kate bounce about through her mind as she debates her next move. 

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“Are.. you alright kid?” The sympathy in the older man’s voice tugged at your nerves, a tone you know not many hear. 

You take your time to answer, debating if you want to attempt to lie. The urge to brush off your feelings and insecurities is strong, especially when you logically know most of them are false, but you know the soldier next to you would never consciously fib to you. “Maybe everyone’s right.” 

The question is silent, a man of few words as per usual. His head is just barely tilting up towards you, waiting patiently but pushing you in the way he knows you need to. 

Tugging your shirt sleeve down, suddenly hyper aware of everything wrong with you, your stomach flips and gags you slightly. It’s almost like your body is trying to reject opening up, anxiety swarming your nerves and every inch of yourself. “It’s illogical for anything in my life, especially this, to work out. It’s the trend at this point, so why would it change? It doesn’t make sense, and one day I’m going to be forced to choose.” Your voice dies out slowly, your body following as you try to curl up in on yourself. 

Bucky’s rough voice cracks the foundation of the wall you had just begun to build, stopping you in your tracks. “Do those people matter? If you guys make it work then really that’s all that matters?” 

His question makes you think, the first person to not just point out the entire situation going on to you as if you weren’t experiencing it currently. It made you malfunction slightly since you had mentally prepared to defend your life, or maybe to get angry again. Instead you take a breath, letting the one thought that you shove down the most run free for a second. “Maybe, or maybe we’re just being naive. I don’t want to ever be put in a position where I have to choose. I know what my choice would be, at least in theory, but…it would destroy me. I’m not even sure who I would be after that.” 

You watch as he flexes his dark vibranium hand, rubbing at it as if he was cleaning up a smudge. Uncertainty rises in your throat, but he once again lays a heavy hand on your fear. “You’re a fighter, and you have plenty of people that would support you in any way you would need. I would support you in any way you would need.” 

You couldn’t help the small smile that pulls at your lips, the normally stoic man always had a soft side for you. It was something that you found pride in, keeping moments like this close to your heart. The relationship you had with the soldier was something that was incredibly important to you, and you knew that he treasured you.  

The happiness you feel is short lived as you let his statement sink into your mind, letting it get engulfed by the darkness that sits within you. Turning such a beautiful sentiment into another dagger to dig into the wound that you never let heal, only scabbing over for a brief time before you allow it to be ripped back apart by your mind. “I was never meant to make it this far, never meant to save myself. I’ve known that from the beginning. I’ve been playing in overtime, a dangerous game to play.” 

Flashes of nights spent alone, the weight of a loaded pistol in his hand, fill his mind momentarily. Blinking rapidly, the older man tries his hardest to ignore his own memories as his determination to keep you safe overpowers. “You know I disagree with that.” 

Rolling your eyes, you lightly shove him. “Just because you disagree doesn’t mean everyone in the world disagrees.” 

Stuttering, a moment of disbelief filters through the older man’s mind. He spent so many years under the influence of chemicals and other people, but for some reason he was able to make it through. Not necessarily the best mentally, Bucky survived and is now the happiest he has ever been. He wants to help you, wants to ease your tension and fears but how can he help someone whose brain is miraculously even darker than his. 

“Sometimes I feel like the world would end if I didn’t exist, which is really ironic for someone that wanted to die most of their life. I don’t understand living, or joy in the daily world. I never did. Even as a kid I romanticized death and ceasing to exist, it seemed peaceful and ideal. It wasn’t because I thought I couldn’t handle responsibilities or anything, at least that wasn’t why back then, but because I thought that was like my destiny. Ultimately death is everyone’s, in theory eventually, but for me it always felt like I was bound for an early untimely demise ” Chuckling, you can’t help but flourish your words at the idea that played in your head almost daily for most of your life. For you death was only scary when it wasn’t your own, instead you would greet it with open arms for yourself but it simply seemed to never want to welcome you back. 

You never thought it was dark, or sad, just the way your life went. The mindset you had didn’t please most people, and you try your hardest to ignore those thoughts as much as possible but it isn’t always easy. As of lately, with everything going on, the world around you no longer is loud enough to drown out your deepest dark romantic thoughts. Instead it sang its grim melody, luring you back into its grasp. “Keeping everything together, things are falling through the cracks and I don’t have all the information. I can’t be the glue anymore when I can’t even keep myself together.” 

Bucky eyes flicker around, trying to think of how to answer everything that he had just heard. He knows that you don’t want to hear anything about death, your mind has been made up for years now, so instead he focuses on something he may be able to help with. “Are you the glue because your dynamic falls solely on you and your involvement or because whatever is happening right now is forcing you to believe that you’re the only thing keeping everyone involved in the relationship?” 

Your mouth opens and closes, jaw tense as you stew on the words Bucky said. It wasn’t something you ever wanted to think about, a flaw within the dynamic that ultimately fulfilled all your dreams. While you know that most people believe that you saved Wanda and Natasha’s relationship, you don’t like to think that. They would have survived, and thrived on their own, but you do know that you brought a steadiness that they were not used to. Many say that you saved Kate, but in all reality you believe that the two of you saved yourselves to end up together. You didn’t like the idea of being the reason why Kate is thriving, the girl fought her whole life and she deserves the credit for where she is. Pride wells up inside you every time you think about the warrior that she is, and how she truly is a hero. She may never fully believe that, regardless of her god complex, but she is your hero. Everything she ever does is amazing, and leaves you breathless, but you see the anxiety and the hesitation with each movement and decision. 

Unbeknownst to you, the soldier next to you was watching you carefully. Analyzing you as you zoned out, a moment of silence between the two of you allowed him to gather his thoughts. He knew that you had a darker side, a part of you that most ignored for the cute loveable layer. It was a fact, but he wasn’t used to seeing it so much. You had been far less bubbly and adorable as of lately, the weight of everything dragging you down and allowing the gloomy side out.  

The mostly comfortable tranquility was shattered by your best friend slamming open the stairwell door, the two of you flinching as you turned to her. Her face is frantic, breaking all of her training as she looks around. “Grab your suit, kid, we must go now.” She shakes her head, cutting you off effectively when you go to question her. The look she shoots your way is all you needed to see, jumping over the couch. 

Thoughts distraught in your head, you can feel a slight burn along your left rib cage. Rubbing at it you are surprised when your suit starts melting across your skin, realizing that it’s been enchanted. The dark, almost black, suit quickly covers your body and a mask slips over your head. You blink when your vision glows red, purple writing explains everything around you and gives you information on anything that you may need. Looking down at your hands you realize that the mask shows you all the weapons that you have, magically concealed within the belt now around your waist. 

You can feel the power surging through you, and when you hear Wanda’s voice echoing through the mask you feel confident. With the witch’s magic protecting you, and her voices guiding you, there wasn’t anything you felt like you couldn’t conquer. “Let’s do this.” Laying your hand on Yelena’s shoulder, you will yourself to be where you need to be. Disappearing, the two of you leave a static filled smoke cloud behind. 

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The ginger barely blinks when she sees the remnants of scarlet mist floating in her peripheral vision. “You know, whenever you said you would show up wherever I needed you I never thought that you would really start showing up without my asking for it.” 

Wanda settles in the seat next to her girlfriend, sitting sideways so that she can look at her. Letting her legs hang over the armrest, the younger woman rolls her eyes and sarcastically tips an invisible hate towards the widow. “I’m at your service, night and day. Top notch, automatic. We’re all just living in your world, aren’t we?” The smirk pulls at her lips, her eyebrow raises cockily. 

It didn’t take the widow much brain power to pick up on the sarcasm dripping from the witch's lips, a bad habit that only grew after the two collared you. The young Sokoivian was never really a sardonic person, just had a mask of confidence, but your bratty side unlocked a part of her that no one could control. “Destined to rule the world and can’t even admit to it being yours, how humble of you.” 

“Don’t you own them? Isn’t that what you said? Bishop? Your Toy? Aren’t they our world? You say I’m destined to prevail, but we both know you are awaiting the destruction not the regime.” Wanda picks at her nails, an act that the other woman sees through easily. The younger of the two always had a harder time hiding her emotions, a detrimental issue for her powers. 

Natasha chuckles dryly, focusing on the panel of screens as she tries to act unaffected by the other woman’s attempt at baiting her. “Dramatic as usual, if only you left that in the past with the heavy eyeliner and tacky pleats.” 

Twirling one of her rings around her finger, the witch’s eyebrows scrunch mockingly together as she stares at her partner. “Are you sure you were trained to be an assassin, you spend more time critiquing my old fashion choices and pining over millionaires than you do actually going on missions nowadays.” 

Hitting the display board as she finishes inputting the last bit of information, hitting the button for Friday to take over. “Ah the root of all the problems in the world. Me liking someone that isn’t you. Don’t you think it’s a little ironic that you’re so possessive over me when you’re the one that wanted to open the relationship?” Spinning the chair to look at Wanda, the ginger struggles to keep her anger in check as she sees how nonchalantly the woman is talking about everything. 

A taunting laugh falls from her lips, the witch paying no attention to her seething girlfriend as she plays with a small ball of her magic. “Jealousy is a quaint little idea Romanoff, if only such things were of my nature.” Finally raising her gaze to meet the older Avenger’s eyes, Wanda's nose scrunches as she mocks her. 

Rolling her eyes, Natasha scoffs as she plants her feet firmly on the ground between the two of them. Leaning in she reaches up to shove the other girl’s feet to the ground, smirking as she stumbles a bit. “Right, you would never be envious of me. I’m not good enough for that, that’s reserved for cocky archers.” Gripping the witch’s chin, the spy forces her face to level with hers; a feeble attempt at gaining the upper hand. 

Wanda uses the position she’s in to her advantage, letting her mouth fall open just slightly and softening her gaze. She looks up at Natasha through her lashes, a face she knows the older woman can never say no to. “She’s more than that, but if you want to demote her to such a title; let’s talk about that.” Her voice is light, but the bite is evident as she practically whispers. “If she’s just an archer, why would you care so much about fixing your preposterous reaction? Why would a simple athlete’s feelings matter so deeply to you that you would stoop to the level of the Americans that are just so infantile to you for celebrating a fake holiday?” 

The silence is loud, a representation of the ginger’s confidence as it dies out. The witch’s innocent doe eyes hardened and spark up with mischief as she realizes her words were finally cutting deep. Competition was always a strong common ground for the two, even during an argument as both sides push and prod the other to try and outdo them. “Usually you would fill the dead air, Natalia. Most people wouldn’t allow someone to spread such lies about them. Unless they aren’t lies, unless the world was oh so wrong about the heartless Black Widow. Is that it? The idea of your beloved princess and her worthless stray being mad at you gnawing at your black heart strings. The thought tearing at your chest like a black hole. Isn’t it funny that you act so unaffected by everything but really you couldn’t handle the fact that someone put their hands on a moronic mongrel that you couldn’t muster up a single sympathetic word.” 

A defeated sigh falls from the spy’s lips, falling back into the captain’s chair as she lets go of the brunette’s chin. “Are you acting out Maximoff?” 

Wanda, thriving as she watches Natasha retreat, lets her ego get bigger. Sitting up straighter, posture becoming more regal as she arrogantly looks down on the spy; pride in what she believes is finally a win for her after months of back and forth. “Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll stop. Tell me that you aren’t fighting your own mind daily. Wishing you could slit the throats of those men, wishing you could destroy every single childhood memory of the mutt you fell for.” 

“Maybe you’re right, but don’t you think it’s funny that you gave them the reaction they wanted because you didn’t want them to be scared of you. You aren’t soft, and you aren’t loving. You’re cold and calculated. If anyone here is heartless it’s you Maximoff. You are filled with a darkness that even the most evil of men couldn’t fathom, a tenebrosity overwhelming even the blackest of nights.” Even though the words she speaks are harsh, Natasha curls into herself. Backing away from her girlfriend as she tries to reign in anything she might later regret. She knows her training is better than this, but something about Wanda has always made her lose control in every way no matter how good or bad. 

Clenching her jaw, the witch can feel the tension brewing inside her body. Her shoulders rigid as she tries to figure out what is about to happen. She doesn’t want to use her magic, instead relying on the fact that she knows the widow like the back of her hand. It doesn’t fail her often. “At least I had a reaction, fake or not. I didn't need to grovel at the feet of a spoiled rich kid. My dignity is still intact unlike yours.” 

“You can have dignity, all high and mighty but what will you be left with after that? A fake air of confidence and a mask that sinks so deep that even you forget who the real girl underneath it all is? The girl that Pietro left behind completely gone? Did she die with him?” A sad, almost sullen smile pulls at the corners of Natasha’s mouth as she looks up slowly. Her bright forest green eyes almost look wet with unshed tears, something that would fool most people but not Wanda. No matter how much the widow plays, she knows that she’ll never be able to actually trick the brunette into believing any of her tactics. She had to have known that this was the plan all along, a hit below the belt to get her to back off after she had cornered her. It was dirty, and unkind, but at this point in the game nothing was off the table anymore. 

It took a moment for what the assassin said to really sink in, almost lost in the bubbling anger but when it finally hit the world felt cold. Her brother was always left untouched, a memory that she cherished and tended to daily so she would never be without. A thing atop of pedestal where no one could reach, but the Russian had decided to get a ladder and step into a different playing field. “She may have died with him, left in a pile of rubble but at least she was real. Loved and cherished. Where’s the real Natalia? Did you ever know her? Did anyone ever know the real you or did your poor mother sell that off too? What was she worth? Has to be more than whatever we’re left with.” 

Bringing up specific things, like her brother or the ginger’s lineage, wasn’t something that Wanda took pride in. The business the two were forced into brought enough opportunities for low blows and deep cuts to hash open, memories of beloved people weren’t something that needed to be tainted. Only stooping low when others decided to, digging a basement for the rock bottom jabs. 

Deciding that was enough for the time being, Wanda takes the shocked silence as her chance to disappear. Her knowledge of the one person on this Earth that she truly thought she knew inside and out failed her. 

It’s almost entirely silent in the quinjet, even the wind rushing as the ginger flies through the air isn’t heard. The trace of crimson fog lingering in the air as Natasha sits there struggling to breathe, alone once more. 

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The world flashed before the two young heroes' eyes, a moment that drew slow for just the duo as they realized that this was no ordinary robbery. Frozen in their spot, an imaginary glue adhering them to the metallic floor, it’s almost like watching television. A deep rooted want to scream out, to heckle the characters on the screen for not moving, but reality slaps them across the face when a terrified scream rings in their ears.

The two young New York natives realize that they are the ones in the show, forcing themselves to move in the heat of the moment. Scattering in hopes to stay vigilante, one step ahead of the masked men who are patrolling the floor. Slipping into a trusty vent, the archer takes a page from her own mentor’s book as she just barely stows away before she’s seen. 

Kate’s eyes search out the young spider, something she would chastise herself for later. How could she lose sight of her partner? It was basically rule number one, always know where your allies were. Slumping against the vent wall, she takes a moment to try and control her nerves. The guys below her were familiar but mind bogglingly overpowered, she wasn’t sure where they got whatever weapons from but it wasn’t something in the information sent by Stark. A fact that she would have to remember to bring up to him. 

Crackling the young spider’s voice finally breaks through her ear piece, and she looks around trying to find where he is. Finally seeing him in a dark corner across the room, hanging on by his webs, the archer is relieved to hear his static filled voice. The two take a minute, breathing a sigh of relief when they realize they are both safe for the moment. 

When an energy beam goes flying by Peter’s face, miraculously not giving away his position, the young boy starts trying to figure out a plan. “We gotta go down before they do anything dangerous, I wonder why Mr. Stark didn’t tell us about whatever glowy stuff they have.” 

“I’m not sure he knew, but this bank looks familiar.” Ignoring how the boy starts pestering her, ocean blue eyes scan the area before it clicks. Her company helped service them, and she wiggles gleefully. Slipping a trick arrowhead from the new pack, she waits patiently for a louder noise before stabbing it into the metal near her. Quickly pulling up her watch, a projection allows her to use the B. Tech arrowhead to take over the entire building’s electrical system.

It only takes a few swipes before the entire building’s power shuts down, everything going deadly quiet before the emergency lights click on. The people below, recovering from shock, finally started to search for who was responsible. 

“Woah did you just do that?” Peter’s eyes are squinting at the archer as he tries to look at what she’s doing from across the bank. 

Kate just giggles, nodding as she swipes through surveillance and vault locks. “My company wired this entire building, I just took this fight back for us. We just gotta be quick.” The CEO rolls her shoulders, closing the blinking projection and motioning out to the spider where she would be going. 

Slipping out of the vent, her legs dangling, the archer scans the area quickly before throwing an arrowhead across the room. A forcefield expanding as the trick arrow bounces, blocking off an entire hallway. Immediately giving away their positions, but the element of surprise and night vision on their side. Though the two don’t fight side by side, back to back, the two keep track of one another at all times. 

It’s almost effortless as Peter webs up three guys approaching Kate’s back, and the archer takes out a man with a blaster aiming for the spider. It’s a rough fight, the young Avengers not quite prepared for a group of people that can handle the type of weapons that they wield.

The two spend more time protecting, acting on the defense rather than offense. They knew that it was going to be a tricky mission when they realized how many civilians were scattered through the group. Understanding that worrying for others safety is causing them to be on the losing end of the fight. 

“Oh spidey boy!!!” The deep voice sings out, mocking the young boy. 

Slipping as she hears the voice, Kate loses balance momentarily causing her to miss her target. Cursing herself, the archer quickly takes the target down at the last second and barely saves a young girl. She isn’t sure where her fellow hero is, but she hasn’t been alerted by the AI that there was an issue so she has to assume that nothing is wrong. 

“Get your head in the game, Kate.” The more she moves the more she berates herself to do more, swinging around to take down different masked men. Her new bow mindlessly switches between sword and bow as quickly as her own reflexes, arrowheads traveling up her arm and Uru spines extend instantaneously as the sharp point touches it’s rest. The fluid motion in which her new suit and equipment works with her body is mesmerizing, a new extension of her own mind.

She almost feels like a hero now, not just in bravery and attitude but look and technology as well. No longer needing to rely just on her own eyesight and guesstimating, the HUD in the glasses framing her face telling her all the information she would ever need. The pack along her torso was the most amazing part of her new set up, instant arrowheads all controlled by her thoughts allowed for a practically flawless display of her skills. 

Every opportunity that she’s had to put this new suit on was something that she could have only dreamed of. Fights have become something almost like a tournament to her, competitive to an even higher max than before as she finally settles into her laser focus. Nothing but her next movements, the next person to protect, on her mind; Kate feels at the top of her game.

A bone chilling scream rings throughout the bank, echoing off the large marble sculptures, making everyone turn to look at the source. There in the center of the room, clutching and clawing at his head, is Peter crumpled in a withering heap. A dissipating green smog floats in the air around his collapsed body, a subtle sizzling sound can be heard through the tense silence. It’s almost like even the masked men weren’t prepared for the reaction they got, frozen in their position. 

Scanning his body, the AI in Kate’s ears is practically screaming and rushing her forward to save the boy whose body is rejecting all functions. She’s moving before she can realize it, the edge of her sword sparking as she slides across the stone floor. Coming to a stop on her knees in front of her best friend’s balled up from, she takes out a few men sprinting towards them without taking her eyes off of the man holding a broken tube. Arrowhead and sword in hand, the young Avenger stands to her feet. 

Her face is painted with anger and vengeance, even though her suit covers most of her expression, and she barely flinches when the second man in charge comes to stand next to his friend. Tossing the trick arrow to the ground, a force field surrounds the four of them and Kate lets her mask down. “I wanted you to see the face of the girl who is about to destroy you.” 

“This is the infamous Hawkeye?” Their laughs bounce against the sizzling electricity, mocking as it echoes in the small makeshift arena. The two men clearly only paid attention to the boy behind the archer, not realizing how much damage that the archer could really do. 

“Is this our movie moment? Where we get on our knees and beg a little girl to spare our lives because you’re just oh so powerful.” The two men aren’t even phased as they cackle, joking as Kate holds two arrowheads between her fingers. 

Fanning them out, she focuses on how she is close enough to see the veins in their necks bulging as they howl. She wants to seethe, rage overtaking her actions, the need to protect her best friend strong but something feels wrong. The men don’t seem to even care that she’s there, holding deadly weapons, and while the young girl is used to people underestimating her this was different. 

Confusion floods her body, almost forcing the confidence that she was feeling out. She doesn’t understand this dreadful cloud that is hanging above her head. This wasn’t the moment to get insecure about her abilities, she had an important job to do which only got more needed when Peter was taken out. 

“At least we know what our Love Bug looks like all grown up.” Kate blinks, once and then again as her gaze lifts to scan the man’s covered face. The breath gets caught in her throat as her mind fights against the protective wall around forbidden memories. 

Everything is happening all too fast, cracks breaking the foundation of her entire heroic facade. She can’t break now, not here; not in front of them. The blood in her body pumps cold, a stark contrast to the vengeful hot temperature it was seconds ago. Kate wants to move, can hear the AI in her ear urging her to move now while the two were distracted but she can’t.  

The second man hits the other on the chest, pointing at the CEO’s body as his disgusting gaze travels downward. “Just as hot as she was back then, honestly I could take another go at her.” 

The sentence was muttered, almost under his breath but it was almost like he screamed it to the archer. Her entire body shakes, and her heart begins racing. She wanted to run, to hide under a blanket and pretend like the world no longer exists. 

It’s almost like her suit takes over for her, the archer’s knees weak and almost collapsing under her. Forcing Kate’s hand to move, readying to throw the arrowheads, but the two men reach up and slip their masks off. Even though she had realized who they were, their voices engraved into even the deepest of her memories, the second she could physically see their eyes and their cocky arrogant smirks everything crashed and burned. It’s almost like she could still feel the rough messy hair atop their heads, muscle memory trying to shove it away forces her to drop her weapons.  

Stepping towards her, even though she’s the same height as them now, they practically loom over her. It’s intimidating as they almost circle towards her, kicking away the fallen sword. Tugging off their gloves, one of them reaches up to cup her flinching face. Calloused thumb rubbing her cheek, so aggressively that it almost leaves a raw red mark, while the other man grabs at her waist. When Kate’s face lowers, sinking in on herself as she attempts to be smaller, the man’s hand leaves her body to tangle his fingers into her hair. 

Yanking her head back, the two chuckle at her pained expression. Almost tugging her head back and forth, inspecting her. For the first time in about eight years the young brunette finally raises her eyes to make direct eye contact with the two men who destroyed her life. Hating herself as she searches for the sparkle of the men she grew up with, a glimmer of the people who father trusted most. Mind racing as she figures out a way to win the game, to make sure that they are proud and happy of her at the end of play time. 

“Did you miss us, Bug?” 

#kitmoas writes #k: TGU main #k: training grounds #wanda maximoff x reader #kate bishop x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #wandanat x reader #wandanat x kate #bucky barnes x reader #yelena belova x reader #peter parker #wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #kate bishop #bucky barnes #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #marvel wlw #clint barton #steve rogers #nick fury #tony stark

[nouies]

hiii im the anon who want smau recs SJDJWJS they're just so fun to read and i can't find any 4 some reason 😭

hi anon! i’m going to list them in two categories: completed and ongoing, in no specific order. pls read the warnings when you click on each au. let me know if you want me to create a monthly rec list as i do with ao3 fics.

COMPLETED

໑ is ur mother worried? by @outropeace Where Louis' boyfriend wants to have a threesome for his birthday and he has set his eyes on the captain of the football team Harry Styles. Only issue? He is also the president of Louis' fraternity and knows he doesn't stand a chance against him.

໑ cowboy harry (a/b/o) by louis28angels Harry is an old farmer who doesn't do much except taking care of his animals and vegetables. Louis is the sweetest country girl that sells seeds and fertilizers to him. Things go a little deeper than that.

໑ big lip by louis28angels Pleasing releases its new lip balm and Lewith (Louis) is the model scheduled for the campaign. What happens when the worldwide singer and owner Harry Styles finds out the new model is just the most beautiful person he's ever seen in his life?

໑ pen pals by loulaylor Where Louis' uni started a system where you're assigned a pen pal in the beginning of the year, you only find out their identity at the end of the semester. Harry and Louis have never liked each other. they don't know they're each other's pen pals.

໑ Rockstar Harry & Opener Louis by babygirloui Louis is the vocalist of a band that will be opening for Harry Styles' tour, the Rockstar everybody has a crush on but is known for not having many public friends. We he gets closer to a member of said band fans start thinking it could be something else.

໑ Model Louis & Hockey player Harry by babygirloui Harry's career as a hockey player is going better than ever but his private life is falling apart, now he has to deal with a divorce, think what is best for his son, handle the media following his every step and try not to fall for the cute face that he sees everywhere.

໑ i’m your biggest fan by bunnylouies Where pop star Harry and model Louis part ways after a nightly adventure, just for Harry’s manager to want Louis to star in his newest mv. They both find themselves lost in more than they bargained for.

໑ football player Harry/campus journalist Louis by bunnylouies The attention wasn’t new to him, but in this case Louis didn’t even know how to deal with it. Surely their college set up a nice idea but he was not meant to receive these gifts every single day. Or was he?

໑ sugar rim by @nouies Louis misses his flight home on Christmas Eve. He stumbles upon a bartender who will change his night—and possibly his life.

ONGOING

໑ enemies to lovers by louis28angels Where Harry is the captain of the school's team, and Louis is their main cheerleader. They hate each other, except Harry is completely crazy about Louis.

໑ sugar and spice and everything nice by loupunkprincess Louis is a content creator who posts about his life as a baker and a mother of a cute girl. Harry, a small artist, is their fan and enjoys baking along during their lives. fate works in funny ways.

໑ pleasing by loulaylor Divorced father and CEO of Pleasing, Harry Styles, meets his new digital marketer, Louis Tomlinson, who won't stop posting silly things on the Pleasing social media accounts. Louis is the one person not intimidated by Mr Styles. Cue instigator Louis and grumpy Harry.

໑ Holmes Chapel by loubrry Louis received a strange text from an unknown number and gets involved in a messed up situation about a girl's disappearance.

໑ Influencer Louis & Gamer Harry by babygirloui Harry is known for his attitude and his mean group of fans. When Louis' friend send him a clip of a gamer making fun of him, he decides to confront him without realizing the big online fight that could start. After being public enemies no one expected them to fall in love.

໑ Fake relationship by babygirloui When singer Harry Styles gets in trouble, his team decides that the best idea is to ask the one celebrity they have near for help. Louis didn’t know what he was getting into when he agreed to go on tour with his photographer boyfriend.

໑ baker Louis/lawyer Harry a/b/o by bunnylouies Louis is a sweet omega raising his 5 year old son by himself. Harry is a strict and professional alpha. What happens when their paths cross? Will they be able to learn from the other or will it only cause trouble?

໑ eat the rich! by BLOUBIRDSHONEY In which Harry Styles, a retired model turned CEO, finds himself too buried in his work to shop for himself. Cue in Louis Tomlinson, a personal shopper who scams his clients.

໑ FEASTING ON THE FLOWERS, CHOKING ON YOUR LOVE by tomlinloufae You would probably never expect someone like Louis in the club where the punk rock band Vicious plays as the main band of every Friday night. People that go there eat boys like Louis for breakfast but he's not scared of them or Harry, frontman of Vicious, who scares almost everyone. However, this might be the first time Harry is the one who feels scared and it's not because of none other but the sweet boy with flowers in his hair who is trying everything in his power to make him fall in love with him... ໑ farmer Harry/influencer Louis by adorelousi Farmer himbo Harry is in a parasocial relationship with influencer city it girl Louis. When their mutual friend Niall sets them up on a date that’s when Harry’s insecurities get in the way and ruins everything… or does it?

໑ wedding planner Louis by louigallery Louis is the best wedding cerimonialist in the upper-crust NY circles. One of his friends is getting married with a rich kid, just one more normal situation… Or not, when you found out the groom is the man who you had the best night of your life years ago.

໑ college au by sunny_llou Where Harry has problems with the library printer and a cute and nervy boy help him with the jammed paper. ໑ bad idea right? by jacksescapade After being offered a longer contract to work with Disney and move closer to home, Harry jumps at the chance. Except, unbeknownst to him, his infuriating colleague (and self-appointed arch nemesis) isn’t above flying halfway across the world to annoy him.

໑ Flowers, dates and cats by mybluebirdd1 Both Louis and Harry give online dating a last chance. They found the perfect guy. But what happens when they find out that they've been both talking to the same guy at the same time for months. But will this twist of fate make them fall in love.

໑ Ice cold by lrrysmau Harry is a hockey team Captain who made it his life goal to get them to the #1 place in the worldwide charts. Louis is an figure skater who loves what he does and naturally, hates hockey players.

໑ enemies to lovers twitter au by 369rry Harry is a big account on Twitter that gained popularity from his viral tweets about love and relationships. Louis only downloaded Twitter to be a troll. They start beefing but refuse to block each other. They don’t know that they go to the same university...

#hlficlibrary #allwaswell16 #hlcreators #hljournal #* #*smrec

[asshlyyyy]

Heated Argument (Austin!Elvis x Reader)

Inspired by: @kennarose1108 Check out her post!

I absolutely thought it was amazing! If you haven’t seen/ read this yet... You should definitely go check it out. I got inspired while reading hers. There's nothing like some angst between Elvis and the reader.

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin!Elvis x gn!reader

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex

Word Count: 2.5k

Throughout your many years of dating Elvis, you guys have never fought. He listened to you, and you listened to him. It was honestly very healthy relationship. You knew you were the only women he loved far more than others. He did put a ring on your finger after all.

But something seemed off. He was distant… and you knew it had to be because of that colonel he called his manager. Colonel wasn’t the biggest fan of you what so ever. It didn’t bother you none. No one was a big fan of you. Well, expect Elvis’s mother and father. They loved you to pieces. You made their boy happy.

But, you digress. You fall asleep without Elvis. You wake up without Elvis. When you do see him he doesn’t even look your way. You tried to speak to him. Tried to figure out what you did wrong, cause at this point you had to of done something right?

You went on with your life though. You got in the car Elvis bought you, that you initialing refused, and drove to the super market. Usually you and Elvis went together, but… his parents were on a small vacation and you told the staff to take the week off. It was just going to be you and Elvis in the house.

So, you left around five. You took your list and did your bidding. You made sure to pick up everything that Elvis liked, because what man cant resist food? Sure you were feeding into the social norms for women, but frankly you wanted Elvis back, you wanted to know the truth.

So, when you walked into the house and saw an unfamiliar pair of women's shoes you froze. The groceries in your arms slowly sliding down, as you brought every single bag at once. Your heart picked up. He wouldn’t cheat on you right? Of course he wouldn’t. He loves you and you love him.

You went to put the groceries into the kitchen before heading upstairs. It was then your worse fears came true. Your ears filled with sounds that you and Elvis should only be making. Was this about sex? It wasn’t like you didn’t have to have sex with Elvis, god you wanted to, but he was distant!

As you pushed open the door to the upstairs that was weirdly closed, it only fed into your fear more and more. You never kept that door close unless you have visitors. You walked across the hall and brought your hand to the doorknob to the master bedroom. The room where yourself and Elvis slept every night.

You pushed it opened what you saw made you let out a gasp. While barely a sound came out, Elvis knew you were there. It wasn’t until the door hit against the wall that the two separated. You felt sadness. You felt anger. You- you didn’t understand what you did to deserve this. You watched as the girl stumbled to get the covers over it. Elvis wasn’t even phased. No emotion, no nothing. He didn’t even both to cover up.

He didn’t move until he watched you walk towards the closet. Usually you weren’t one to jump to counselors but it was clear he was over you. He wasn’t even shocked or scared when you caught him and his toy. 

You pulled out your only suitcase and started to throw your clothes into it. You never asked much of Elvis. Hell, you never asked for anything, and he just throws all that love into the drain.

“Darlin’, what are you doing?” He asked from behind you. You let out a scoff and rolled your eyes. That name… it didn’t even feel like yours anymore. It felt as if he called everyone that. 

You didn’t respond to him and just continued to throw your clothes down. Your eyes got foggy from the tears that started to appear. You felt your neck start to close up, and you knew this was going to be bad. You picked up the suitcase and walked past him and back towards the room where that girl was still at.

“Have fun with him,”. You choked out through tears and headed down the stairs. Elvis was then he knew he fucked up. Majorly fucked up. He looked at that girl, completely forgetting her name and his emotion changed so fast.

“Get the fuck out of here,” he cursed and rushed her out of the house. You were already halfway down the steps as Elvis ran after you.

“Baby! Please! Please just wait!” Elvis called after you. You huffed a response. Why did he decide to show emotion now? Not when you caught him, or when you were packing your bag. It was clear that you were leaving.

“What for, Elvis?” You raised your voice a bit and turned to face him. Something you never did. “So that I can watch you finish in her?” You faked laughed lightly and shook your head. 

You turned your body back around and headed towards the door. You felt his ring hit against your wrist as he held you back. 

“Let me go, Elvis.”

“No, just please, listen-“

“I am not going to listen to you, Elvis!” You broke out and yelled. You dropped your bag and looked at him. “Whatever you say will not fix this! I waited! I cooked you dinner still! I laid in bed waiting for you. I woke up and still cooked you breakfast! All while you were avoiding me! Do you know what that did to me!?”

“I was-“

“No!” Your face was red with anger. Your breath was loud as you tried to get air through to your lungs. Your tears were no longer falling, all that anger was erupting out of you.

“We tell each other everything! We talk no matter what! I don’t want to hear you were busy! If you were busy you still would’ve found time for me. I’ve been with you for six goddamn years. Way before this fame and money came in! So tell me, tell me your lousy excuse to go AND CHEAT ON ME!”

Elvis was taken aback. He has never heard you scream in your life. He was scared, he wanted to reason with you. Be soft and gentle, but he knew he had every right to be mad also. The news he learned of weeks prior from the colonel. 

“Cheat on you! I would never cheat on you! But you were so fine to cheat on me first!” Elvis fed into the fight.

“Cheat on you!? Are you fucking crazy! Why would you ever think I would do something like that! Do I look like a whore to you!”

“Don’t even try to lie, Y/n. The colonel told me everything! Showed me everything!” You scoffed at his confession. You knew it had something to do with the colonel, but that didn’t mean Elvis shouldn’t have gone out to cheat on you.

“The colonel!? Are you fucking kidding me! That man is abusing you! He is feeding you all these lies and you let him! You fucking let him, Elvis! We were a team before you and him! Now what? Huh! You believe everything he fucking tells you!!”

“When he showed pictures of you kissing someone else yeah! Kissing and feeling them all up! Why would you cheat on me!”

“I can’t believe you right now,” you shook your head and picked up your bag once more.

“Where are you going to go huh!? I know damn well you have nowhere to go. Your family never liked me, you really think they’ll let you back there! Oh mommy, daddy, Elvis broke my heart. Boo fucking HOO!” 

“You know what Elvis Aron Presley! This money is getting to your head! Just because you have all this money, all the cool cars, all those girls! Right at your disposal doesn’t mean you have the right to disrespect me! I dropped everything for you because I love you!”

“I gave you everything!”

“You gave me pain and suffering these past few weeks!” The tears started to fall once more. “You need to grow up! You had a wife! And you still went to cheat on her.”

“Wait-“

“I’m done, Elvis.” You muttered and slide the rings off your finger and placed them on the table. “I’m not coming back” you turned around one last time. 

“Baby, baby no. Please,” Elvis tried to call out to you. Reach out to you, but you were gone in an instant. He sucked in a breath and reached over to the rings you placed on the table and sat down on the stairs in disbelief. 

He couldn’t believe what he had just done. All because of something the colonel said? He was so foolish to believe anything that guy said. From the countless times, you warned him, and he believed a picture to be you and someone else kissing? That could’ve been anyone. The person's back was turned away from the camera. 

God, he was such a fool. He knew he had to get you back. Without you, he was nothing. Without you, he wouldn’t be Elvis Presley, the king of rock and roll. You stayed by his side through everything, and he just goes and cheats on you!? 

You were his perfect girl. You saw him as Elvis, the kid who loves music. Not Elvis, the celebrity who drives fans crazy. And he just went ahead and dumped it all in the trash. You didn’t ask him for anything… you were right about that. Anytime he tried to buy you nice jewelry or a nice dress. Hell, even if he got you a car you refused it at first.

He really fucked up. He fucked up badly. He couldn't even think of how to get you back. He knew deep down you would forgive him, but… he was scared he lost you for good. There was no way you would go back home. He thought maybe you would come back… that or you would rent a hotel. 

“Fuck...” he mumbled and stood up. Elvis didn’t cry much, but boy when he did. It took a lot out of him. He cried when you accepted his proposal. He cried at your wedding, and now he was crying again. He looked around and spotted the many pictures of you and him. He couldn’t live without you.

He was quick to grab the keys to his car and went out to look for you. There were a few places where he knew you would be. Away from prying eyes, or just in the local diner where you two ate breakfast.

There you were. Sat in your car on the side of a secluded road. Right next to the place where he proposed. You were filled with so many emotions, but you knew you shouldn’t have gone so far with yelling… you were just so upset and mad at him. You knew you should be mad at the colonel but still… why didn’t he come to you first? Talk about it. That’s what you guys did. You talked about these issues. 

“Why Elvis…? Why?” You spoke gently and wiped your tears. Maybe you took it too far… taking your rings off saying you were completely done with him? How could you ever leave Elvis? You have to put yourself in his shoes. Go through what he felt when the colonel lied to him. 

You got out of the car and slammed the door before heading up the hill. Once you reached the top you got down to the ground and sat there. You closed your eyes and tried to calm yourself down. But, you just ended up more sad. It’s like, all that anger disappeared and became sadness. Your eyes were starting to water again.

You missed him. God, you missed Elvis so much. Even if you did just see him have sex with someone else. Deep down, you wanted it to all be fake. A lie, all some elaborate plan. Maybe he wasn’t having sex with her. Maybe it just looked like it… sure they were… both naked… but… 

You knew it before, and even after Elvis told you. That colonel… he’s a complete asshole who just wants to use Elvis for his money and fame. You knew it since the moment Elvis introduced you to him. Of course, Elvis believed you, but he felt stuck. 

You heard steps coming up from behind you and you knew it was in. You were hoping he would come after you if you were being honest. You could never stay mad at him because you knew he’ll always love you.

“Hi, Elvis,” you spoke quietly.

“Hiya, sweetheart,” he replied back. His voice was soft, yet raspy. “Can we talk?”

“Please,” you said softly and patted the spot next to you. You heard a few more steps and Elvis appeared out of the corner of your eye.

"I'm... I'm real sorry, darlin'. Honestly... I-... I'm just so fuckin' sorry." He begins to apologize. You didn't dare to look at him just yet. You knew you would immediately just start crying. 

"I know," you said gently and wiped your cheeks.

"I... I don't know why I didn't come to you... I was just... I was stupid, sweetheart. So so fuckin' stupid." He shook his head and tried to compose himself so he wouldn't cry. 

"You were," you nodded in agreement with him.

"Yeah," he let out a light chuckle before taking a deep breath. "The colonel-"

"It was his idea? For you to cheat on me?" You asked, finally turning to face him. You saw that his eyes were red and puffy. He was crying... that broke your heart.

"Yeah," he sighed and looked over at you. Staring into your e/c orbs. "I about to leave, and the Colonel pulled me over. He handed me this folder with pictures of supposedly you kissing someone else. My dumbass believed it, even though you couldn't even see the dame's face. He was just saying so many things and-"

"I know..." you said gently. "I just wish you came to me... We tell each other everything. I would never ever ever… cheat on you. Never ever. You're the love of my life. My one and only." Elvis smiled gently and pushed the few loose strands of hair behind your ear.

"I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, sweetheart," he said gently. "You know I can never stay mad at you," you smiled gently. Elvis returned your smile and brought his hands up to your face. He caressed your cheeks and rested his forward against yours.

"I love you so goddamn much, darlin'." He whispered.

"I love you too, Elvis." You leaned up and kissed him. Your lips were molded perfectly together. His hands held your face gently and it made your feel safe. You may never forget what happened, but you knew it wouldn't happen again. His lips were always soft and it sent you through the roof.

As the two of you pulled away Elvis reached into his pocket and pulled put your rings. You smiled softly and grabbed the engagement and wedding ring from him. However, before you could grab them he pulled his hand away.

"Let me," you rolled your eyes at him and held your hand out. Elvis then went ahead slid the fingers on your finger. You couldn't help but smile. Elvis was definitely drunk in your love.

#austin butler elvis #austin butler #austin butler x reader #elvis x reader #elvis #elvis imagine #elvis 2022 #elvis movie

[sayosdreams]

Picture Us (Together Forever)

Word Count: 26,115

ACOTAR masterlist

__________

TW: mentioned past homelessness, mentioned past abuse, referenced death & suicide

__________

A/N: For @simpingfornestaarcheron, one year late. A huge thank you to @bookstantrash for all your help with everything from brainstorming to beta reading and editing! You're the reason I actually managed to complete this fic. Credit @vidalinav for the 'Cassian's love is loud' concept, which is so ingrained in his character for me that I always end up including it.

I know I haven't posted anything for over a year and a half — I've been busy with college and have gotten into other fandoms — but I hope this long, fluffy fic makes up for my absence. Honestly, it's probably the fluffiest thing I'll ever write of this length. Also, the number of blocks in this post exceeded the Tumblr post limit, so I edited the paragraph layout to fit. The original version is posted on ao3. Please enjoy!

Present day

“Hey, sorry I got a little late,” Nesta announced as she stepped into the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, Cassian. “I got held up at work because some people apparently think my job is to do everything,” she explained as she took off her coat and undid her scarf. “Eris now seems to believe that I’m a secretary and that it’s my job to deal with all the parents who want to sign their kids up for lessons or have questions about our hours. Can you believe that Vassa expects me to cover Eris’ class next Tuesday during my lunch break because he ‘has to be out of town to go apple picking’? And then, to top it off, Briallyn came to talk to me about how some people want the rehearsals for The Firebird to be at a different time. Just because I’m one of the principal dancers doesn’t mean I coordinate the rehearsal times! I don’t know why she doesn’t just talk to the director or choreographer, honestly. It’s so-”

Nesta turned around and fell silent, her eyes widening as she took in the sight before her. The living room was decorated with candles and flowers. Rose petals were lined up on the floor, creating a walkway that led to the coffee table, which was covered in a white tablecloth. Behind the table stood Cassian, wearing a wine-red colored button-down shirt, black pants, and a soft smile. 

“Cassian?” she asked, her confusion evident in her tone. Had she forgotten some important occasion? Nesta quickly ran through the list in her head. But, no, it wasn’t either of their birthdays, or their anniversary, or Valentine’s Day… So why had Cassian done all this? Sure, he had given her flowers ‘just because’ or organized impromptu date nights before, but this was on a whole different level. “What’s going on?”

Cassian’s grin split into an open-toothed smile, even as intensity and slight nervousness swam in his eyes. “Nesta, we met five years ago in the line for tickets to the Bone Carver concert, when you yelled at me for letting my friends cut the line. I turned around to yell right back, and the moment I did, my life changed. You’ve made my life so much better, in so many ways I can’t even find the words to describe. Every day with you is like a dream come true. We’ve made so many fantastic memories together over the years.”

He pulled the tablecloth off the coffee table in a sweeping motion. Nesta inhaled sharply as she took in the collection of polaroid pictures, recalling different special moments in their relationship. The collection was decorated with small doodles that Cassian had clearly drawn himself. 

She sank down to her knees in front of the table. 

“Cassian…” Nesta whispered, “This is beautiful.” 

Her eyes drifted across the paper, until they came to rest on a single photo. Her hand reached out as if she wanted to caress the image, but floated just a hair’s breadth away from it like it was too precious to bear her touch. 

Cassian kneeled down too, and glanced down at the photo she was looking at. He laughed, “Oh, yes. The bookstore date, where you used me as a human bookshelf.”

The corners of Nesta’s lips turned up. “Listen, I just wanted you to know what you were really signing up for.”

Cassian chuckled.

__________

Five years ago

“Where are you taking me?” Nesta asked for the sixth time. 

Cassian once again responded by shushing her, his eyes fixed on the road. 

Nesta sighed. Cassian had somehow managed to drive without using a GPS (a novel feat for him) so she couldn’t even peek at it to figure out their destination. Cassian clearly hadn’t considered how impatient Nesta was when he’d decided to plan a surprise for her. 

Nesta knew she should just sit back in her seat, relax, and enjoy whatever Cassian wanted to surprise her with, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t that she wasn’t excited — of course she was, and she was touched that Cassian had gone through all this effort just to plan a surprise for her. But Nesta couldn’t help but be filled with anxiety. She didn’t always react well to situations she was thrust into unexpectedly, and she wished she at least had a hint about where they were going so that she could prepare accordingly. She didn’t want to start freaking out and push Cassian away, destroying the tentative relationship they had just started to build. 

She trusted Cassian and knew he’d never intentionally put her in a situation that made her uncomfortable. They had met about three months ago and he’d asked her out soon after. Although they hadn’t made anything official yet, Cassian was always so caring and kind to her, more than any of her exes. He always made her laugh and brought her Earl Grey tea with just the right amount of 2% milk. He’d given her his scarf when he’d noticed that she was cold and had never asked for it back. He loved to play with her hair, creating intricate braids as his hands tenderly massaged her head. His body was honed from ice hockey training and he towered over her, and yet he had never once made her nervous or uncomfortable, even when they had been two strangers arguing in line. 

Still, there were many things that Nesta had yet to tell Cassian about. While his gentle sweetness was making her walls come down, bit by bit, she was struggling to open up fully. She didn’t want to risk scaring him away and ruining everything they’d created. 

All in all, she knew Cassian would never try to make her uncomfortable, but there were many things that could set her off that he didn’t know about. If she started freaking out, and she lost him… It was stupid of her to get so attached to someone so quickly. He wasn’t even her boyfriend, for gods’ sake! Only her closest friends knew they were together. They weren’t keeping their relationship a secret, exactly, but telling everyone would put pressure on their relationship that they weren’t ready for. 

Cassian’s best friend, Rhysand, was dating Nesta’s youngest sister, Feyre. The two of them had met on a dating app called Bond a couple weeks after Nesta and Cassian’s encounter. They’d fallen head over heels in love with each other, and had moved in together after just one month. Feyre kept texting the Archeron sisters’ group chat about how much she loved Rhys and how she wanted to marry him. 

Nesta and Cassian needed to take their relationship at their own pace — meaning much, much slower than Feyre and Rhys. If Nesta and Cassian made it official and then broke up later… well, Nesta didn’t want to have to deal with gossip and pitying glances whenever they were at the same place together on top of everything else. Plus, she knew her sisters were nosy romantics who would start asking about going on double dates, planning Nesta and Cassian’s wedding, and making lists of their future babies’ names. 

She couldn’t deal with all of that right now. When her last serious relationship had ended, she’d been left with bruises, a mountain of trust issues, and not much else. It had taken her a long time to put herself back out there again — to trust others with her body, much less her heart. Cassian had proved himself a worthy candidate, willing to be patient with her and put her at ease to help her let her guard down.

What it boiled down to was that she cared about him, far more than she probably should, and it scared the crap out of her. But she was even more afraid of losing him.

“Alright, we’re here!” Cassian’s voice cut through her spiraling thoughts. “Close your eyes.”

Nesta took off her seatbelt and did as he asked. Her heart beat erratically in her chest. She listened to the click of Cassian unbuckling his seatbelt and the boom of his car door shutting. A cold breeze hit her as her door opened. She felt Cassian’s large, calloused hand slide into hers, guiding her as she stepped out of the car. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked. 

“Mhmm,” she replied vaguely. 

A boom sounded, followed by a quick beep beep, indicating Cassian had locked the car.

“We’re almost there, I promise.”

He stood behind her and his hands came to rest on her shoulders, gently turning her to the right and then guiding her path. They walked in silence. Nesta was glad she’d thought to put on a sweater and a jacket as the chilly autumn wind swept past them again. 

Cassian suddenly stopped her and turned her body to the left. 

“Okay,” he said, leaning down to whisper in her ear. His breath was hot against her neck. She shivered. “We’re here.” 

She opened her eyes, and gasped. 

A blue sign with the words “Pegasus Book Company” hung above a blue-framed door. A bell chimed as she entered the shop. Pegasus Book Company was one of the hidden gems of Prythian. Despite being an independent bookstore, it was quite large and well-stocked in many different genres. They also displayed artwork from local artists, which they changed every season. Most of all, the owner, Helion Spell-Cleaver, was said to be amazing at giving book recommendations. Nesta had always wanted to visit Pegasus, but she’d never found the time to drive all the way to Hemera District just to visit one store. She had only mentioned it to Cassian once in the passing. She couldn’t believe that he’d remembered and done this for her. 

“Cassian…” She whispered, her voice full of awe and gratitude. She turned to find him with an uncharacteristically shy smile on his face. 

“Surprise,” he said softly. “Sorry that I made you wait to know where we were going. I wanted to surprise you, but I know I made you kind of nervous when I didn’t tell you where I was driving to. Is it ok? I’m sorry if it felt like I was abducting you. I just wanted to, uh, not ruin the surprise.”

Nesta couldn’t find the words to explain how happy his surprise had made her. Instead, she pressed her lips to his and let the kiss express her feelings. 

When they finally pulled apart, her lips formed a smile that she couldn’t suppress if she tried and she added a quiet and genuine “Thank you.” 

She hoped he could read the emotions in her voice and her eyes to understand how much the thoughtful gesture meant to her. His nervous ramble, while unnecessary given how fantastic the surprise was, just showed how much he cared about her. She didn’t know how to handle such affection and kindness. She felt as though she’d cry or melt or burst with everything he made her feel. He treated her as though she were precious and beautiful, worthy of compassion and care, like her company was a gift. As though she mattered.

Later, as he carried the numerous books she selected and listened attentively to her rants about different characters, books, and authors, she was overwhelmed by the pure joy she felt and some other emotion that it was far too soon for her to name. 

Cassian was special — she’d known it since the moment they’d met, when her sharpness had intrigued him rather than pushed him away. He was so perfect and amazing, and yet cared about her so much that she was still in disbelief. The dread that he would wake up one day and realize that she wasn’t worth the trouble was constantly present, and made her hesitant to give him her all for fear of him shattering her completely. 

But it was already too late. 

She wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all herself, by not putting a label on things. It didn’t change how much she cared about him or how she didn’t want to think about him ever leaving her life. It was only hurting her, and more importantly, him. Nesta knew that her fears and her trauma often made her struggle to express her emotions. She never wanted Cassian to doubt how much he meant to her. Yet, it always felt like Cassian was the one doing things for her: he was the one who had asked for her number, the one who usually texted first and planned their dates, and the one who gave her meaningful gifts and surprises. He never hesitated to show or tell her how much he cared. 

What if he didn’t know? She wondered suddenly. What if he genuinely thought that Nesta didn’t care as much — that their relationship didn’t mean as much to her as it did to him? The despair that the thought brought her was shocking in its intensity. 

So as Cassian sat down in the driver’s seat, ready to turn on the car, Nesta blurted out, “Wait!” 

He turned towards her, his face showing his surprise and concern. She acted instinctively, reaching over to pull his hands towards hers and then interlacing their fingers. She took a deep breath as she steeled her resolve. Cassian’s thumb slowly moved back and forth over her hand in a soothing gesture. He’d evidently noticed her nerves. His soft, silent support served to strengthen her determination that she had to do this. 

“Cassian, thank you so much for today,” she began. “It was such an amazing, thoughtful surprise. I really, really enjoyed it.” 

She paused, considering her next words.

“The past few months have been incredible. I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. And I-”

“Wait! Nesta, please don’t,” Cassian interrupted. His body had gone tense and his eyes were dull in a way she’d never seen before. His hands had grown sweaty in hers. 

Nesta felt her heart drop. It was too soon, wasn’t it? Oh, gods, what had she been thinking? She’d misread the whole situation. If Cassian had wanted to put a label on their relationship, he would have asked. It was incredibly selfish of her to assume that she was the only one who’d had hangups about it. He would also be put in an awkward situation with Rhys and Feyre. And really, she and Cassian had only known each other for three months. Why had she thought that she should do this? As usual, she was ruining everything by moving too fast and being too intense. 

Cassian continued, his voice choking up slightly, “I know I can be- it can be too much, but I promise, I’ll- we can- this can be whatever you want. We can talk about it and I’ll- I can reel it in. I mean, I’ll respect your boundaries and, uh, wishes and, just. Please, we don’t need to end this completely, just- I-”

He cut himself off as Nesta untangled one of her hands from his. 

“No, wait,” he rushed, his eyes widening in alarm, “if that’s what you really want, then of course I’ll respect it, I just wanted- but- I mean, can we at least stay fr-”

He was cut off again, this time by Nesta’s pointer finger pressing into his lips. 

“Cassian,” she said, in a strong, confident, and reassuring voice, “will you be my boyfriend?” 

His expression morphed instantly, shock and joy flitting over his face.

Nesta waited patiently, sitting in silence, awaiting his answer. She watched as Cassian’s free hand moved to his thigh, which he pinched more than once. Finally, he met her eyes. His mouth was barely curved upwards, as if he was too astonished and emotional to form a smile. 

“Yes,” he replied. 

Cassian’s hand came up to rest ever-so-gently on her cheek as their lips met for a kiss. As they continued to get lost in each other, kissing in the middle of the day in a car parked on the side of a street, Nesta knew that this was what all those fairytales and romance novels were made of.

__________

Present day

“I can’t believe you actually thought I was going to break up with you,” Nesta laughed, shaking her head. “Right after I complimented you, too.”

Cassian shrugged. “It’s a foster kid thing,” he said lightly. “If someone’s being too nice, it just feels like they’re trying to let you down gently.” 

Nesta leaned across the table to press a kiss to his cheek in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture. 

“I’m never going to leave you, stupid,” she said. “You’re stuck with me forever.”

Cassian smirked. “I sure hope so.” 

His eyes moved left to the next polaroid and his hand followed suit, coming to rest right above the image. 

“Do you remember that day?” he asked, tapping his pointer finger on the table. “I was so nervous.”

“What? Why were you nervous? I was the one performing!”

__________

Five years ago

“Do you think the tie is too tight?” Cassian asked, pacing in front of the bathroom mirror. “Did I do it wrong? Fuck, do you think it’s too colorful for a formal event? Maybe I should change it to black?”

“Breath, Cassian, breath,” Azriel replied, half-serious. 

Cassian rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Az,” he pleaded.

“You look fine, Cassian. It’s going to go great. Don’t worry.”

Cassian was still fiddling with his tie. “And you don’t think the color is too much?” 

Azriel raised an eyebrow. “It’s burgundy.” 

Cassian continued to questioningly stare at Azriel.

Az sighed. “The color is fine. The tie is perfect.” He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. “Let’s get going.” 

“Oh, shit, are we late?” Cassian scrambled to grab his suit jacket, his keys, and his wallet. Where were those flowers he’d bought? “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spent so much time worrying about my fucking tie.” He could have sworn he’d left them on the dining table, but that was empty save for the collection of books, papers, and notebooks that Azriel had organized into neat piles. Cassian checked the kitchen counters, only to find them empty, too. Had he put them in his room? He really needed to get more organized. They were already getting late, and he was going to further delay them. “You know what, just let me- You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you later, once I find the bouquet.” 

“Cassian. Cassian!” Azriel snapped his fingers. Cassian paused his frantic search to look at Azriel, who was carrying Cassian’s bouquet in his arms along with two others. “I’ve got it, see? Now, let’s go.” 

Before Cassian could open his mouth, Az added, “We’re not late, don’t worry.” 

As they entered Bryaxis Hall, where the performance was being held, Cassian expected to feel the last of his nerves disappear. 

As soon as he stepped inside, he realized how wrong he was. 

The hall was decadent. The ceiling was higher than a three-story house, the floor was marble with a simple yet elegant carpet running down the center, and Greco-roman pillars with intricate designs lined the hall. A chandelier hung above the grand staircase. The walls were decorated with high relief panels, each portraying a distinct myth or story. 

He followed Azriel up the stairs in silence. He was too consumed by the message every piece of architecture and decoration seemed to be yelling at him: he didn’t belong here. 

It wasn’t like he’d never been to a fancy party before: the NHL had plenty of galas, but even when he was surrounded by his teammates and friends, he always felt like a fraud in a suit. 

Cassian wasn’t meant for luxuries and refinement. He’d grown up dirt poor, even when his mother had still been around. After her death, he’d essentially lived out of a backpack. He’d even spent a few nights out on the streets when he’d been placed in particularly bad foster homes. Until he’d met Shirina, Rhysand’s mother, he had never even eaten chocolate — at least that he could remember. 

He’d only been to watch ballet once before. Shirina had insisted that they see the Nutcracker for Yule, as that had been a tradition in her family. Rhys, being the eleven-year-old that he was, had complained the whole way about being dragged there against his will. Ayla, Rhys’ younger sister, had grumbled about having to watch the Nutcracker again, instead of seeing something different like Swan Lake. Cassian had remained silent. At twelve, he didn’t want to admit that he was interested and excited, for fear of appearing uncool. Still, he was curious and was glad that Shirina had remained insistent despite her children’s protests. 

The ballet had enraptured him. He sat there, amazed by the graceful movements, the silent jumps, the whip-fast pirouettes, and the perfectly synchronized motions. 

Now, as he glanced down at the playbill, he felt completely unqualified to be here. He had no idea what La Bayadère was about — quite frankly, he wouldn’t even know how to pronounce it if Nesta hadn’t told him. He didn’t know any of the ballet terminology, either. How was he going to tell Nesta what he thought of the performance if he didn’t even know how to verbalize it? 

He glanced over at Azriel, hoping to gain some insight. Azriel was close friends with Nesta and two of Nesta’s ballerina friends, Gwyn and Emerie, who were also in tonight’s ballet. Right as Cassian was about to ask, the lights dimmed and the audience fell silent. 

Cassian worried whether he would be able to focus on the performance with all of his anxieties swirling around his head. Nesta deserved his full attention — she had been practicing for this for so long, and had poured her heart and soul into her ballet. There were so many times when she’d been late to dates, staying back in her studio to practice a move that she wanted to perfect. 

But Cassian needn’t have worried. The moment the ballet began, he was completely in its thrall. All his thoughts fled. He sat there, mesmerized, as the ballerinas danced. When Nesta entered, his breath caught in his throat. She was radiant on stage, looking like a goddess, a queen, and a warrior-princess all wrapped up in one. 

After the show, when he handed her the bouquet and told her how incredible she’d been on stage, her expression made it all worth it. Her cheeks, flushed with exhaustion, were rounded as her mouth split into a jubilant smile. Her eyes were awed, as if she was so grateful for his words and presence but couldn’t quite believe he was here. Despite all of his anxieties, he wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. 

And as Cassian drove home, he realized he couldn’t wait to see Nesta’s next ballet performance. 

__________

Present day

“It really did mean the world to me that you came, you know,” Nesta admitted. “And I was so nervous about what you’d think.”

“Of course I was impressed! Anyone in their right mind would be.” His comment was light. There was no need to mention that Nesta’s ex, Tomas, had considered her job to be a ‘useless passion’ that ‘should only be a hobby’. Both of them knew Tomas was a hateful piece of shit who had done his best to drag Nesta down, and were infinitely grateful that she’d gotten away from him. 

Nesta shot Cassian a small smile before turning back to the pictures.

“Oh! The snowball fight!” She snorted. “Don’t show this to Rhys and Az, we don’t want to remind them.” 

Cassian rolled his eyes, grinning. “They’re big babies.”

__________

Five years ago

Nesta turned around, startled, as someone tapped her shoulder. 

She had been shoveling snow for the last thirty minutes in the dim light of the rising sun. Normally, she loved lying around in bed on snowy days. She was content to sit inside, drinking hot chocolate, watching the world through the window and feeling as though she had been transported inside a snow globe. One of the few perks of living in an apartment was that she didn’t need to shovel snow. 

Last night, however, she had stayed over at Cassian’s townhouse. Cassian’s roommate, Azriel, had gone out, presumably to spend the night with someone. Nesta considered Az to be a friend, but he was extremely private; she had no idea if he was seeing someone, let alone who that someone might be.

Nesta turned around. 

Cassian was standing there, arms crossed, with one eyebrow raised. “Nesta, why didn’t you wake me up?” 

Nesta rolled her eyes and turned back around to keep shoveling. “You’re sore.”

She hadn’t expected to wake up to snow piled up almost five centimeters on the ground. It was the first snow of the winter, and she wanted nothing more than to watch the snow fall from the warmth of Cassian’s bed, curled up against her boyfriend. 

Then, she recalled the numerous bruises and cuts on Cassian’s body that she’d tended to yesterday. He had gotten thoroughly roughed up at his game, though when she’d remarked on it, he’d just laughed and replied that this didn’t even count as getting injured in ice hockey. Still, she’d seen him wincing as he reached to the left when he thought she wasn’t looking. 

So when she’d seen the snow this morning, she’d decided that, instead of going back to sleep, she would shovel the entire walkway and driveway before Cassian woke up. 

Clearly, she’d failed. 

“I’m fine!” Cassian replied, just as Nesta had anticipated. “I’m not-”

Nesta cut him off by shushing him. 

She had a little less than half the driveway left to shovel. She was adept at the art of ignoring someone trying to talk to you: after all, she’d grown up with two little sisters. So as Cassian continued to complain that he was not actually hurt and tried to convince her to hand over the shovel, she just tuned him out and focused on her task. She was making pretty good progress, in her opinion. Sure, her fingers were a little cold even in her gloves, but the desire to keep going and not let Cassian help at all motivated her. The spite kept her warm. 

She was almost a third way done when she heard coughing. She stopped abruptly and turned to Cassian, who was wiping snow off of his face.

Her eyes widened. “Oh my gods! I’m so sorry!” 

Cassian just laughed. “What, you didn’t mean to cover me in snow?”

He leaned down and grabbed a fist full of snow. “Let me show you a faster way to get rid of all this snow, sweetheart.” Nesta barely had time to duck before the snowball flew in her direction.

Abandoning the shovel, she ran away from him. Then, she made her own snowball, which she hid in her hand as she smiled at Cassian innocently. He smiled back and walked towards her until- Wham! Her snowball hit him square in the chest.

Nesta cheered. 

He gasped “Betrayal!” 

As she dodged his next snowball by a hair’s breadth, she stuck her tongue out at him. 

Her cold dissipated as their snowball fight continued. The progress she’d made on the driveway and walkway had definitely been ruined, but she found that she couldn’t care less. Twenty minutes later, when they went back inside, covered in snow, both of them were grinning ear to ear. 

It wasn’t until after they’d showered, changed, and were sipping hot chocolate that Cassian exclaimed, “Shit!” 

His drink sloshed, spilling out of his mug. Nesta took a large sip of her hot chocolate — it really did taste divine with marshmallows — and looked at him questioningly over the rim of her mug.

“You can’t tell Rhys,” Cassian pleaded. “He wouldn’t understand. We need to keep this a secret.”

“What, that I had a snowball fight with my boyfriend?” Nesta answered incredulously. 

Cassian’s face, however, was completely serious. “Yes.” 

“I wasn’t planning on telling him,” Nesta said, struggling not to laugh, “but now I’m curious to see what’ll happen, so…”

“No!” Cassian’s eyes went wide. “You see, every year, when it first snows, Rhys, Az, and I have a snowball fight. It’s a tradition we’ve had for years. If they find out that I had a snowball fight with you first…” Cassian shook his head, as if the possibilities were too horrific to even consider.

“So basically, you cheated on them with me?” A drop of hot chocolate spilled over and ran down the side of Nesta’s mug. She caught it with her finger, which she then brought to her lips.

Cassian’s eyes followed her finger. His Adam's apple bobbed as her finger left her mouth with a pop.

“I, uh, yeah.” He cleared his throat. 

She smirked. “Well, I haven’t told them, but I did tell Gwyn and Emerie in our group chat when they asked what I was up to, so Az is definitely going to find out.”

Cassian groaned, putting his face in his hands. Nesta just continued sipping her hot chocolate, laughing quietly.

__________

Present day

“They’re definitely going to hold that against us forever,” Cassian sighed. “They were so mad. That whole winter, I had to watch my back. They just kept pelting me with snowballs whenever they got the chance.” 

“It was hilarious,” Nesta grinned. Then, catching Cassian’s look, she corrected herself. “I mean, it was very terrifying.” She tried for a serious expression but failed, erupting into laughter.

Cassian rolled his eyes, but she could see the smile he was trying to suppress.

“You know what else they’re going to hold against me forever?” Nesta pointed at the polaroid right under the one they’d been looking at. “This. I think I almost gave them heart attacks.”

“Oh, yes. Now, that was hilarious,” Cassian agreed.

__________

Four years ago

Vroom.

Nesta pulled up to the front of the lane, right as the light turned red. Sighing, she raised her face shield. 

She turned to the right, glancing absently at the car in the lane next to her. It was a black Mercedes-Benz, the same car Rhysand owned. As she looked through the rolled-down driver’s seat window, she realized that it was literally the same car, because Rhys was the one driving.

She called out to him, and he turned towards her — then did a double take.

“You- wha- how are you driving Cassian’s motorcycle?” Rhys spluttered. 

Azriel’s head peeked out behind Rhys’. They sported matching shocked expressions, complete with comically wide eyes, raised eyebrows, and parted lips. 

Nesta smirked. “It’s quite easy, actually. I wasn’t sure how I’d do, since I’d never driven a motorcycle before but,” Nesta patted the handles, “she’s a smooth ride.”

That was not what they’d meant by their question. 

Cassian had always dreamed of owning a motorcycle. After going through his finances and realizing that he could afford one now without stretching himself out too thin, he’d finally bought one last week. 

The motorcycle was his prized possession and he was fiercely protective of it. He took the time to polish it after each ride, checking to make sure there wasn’t a single scratch on his treasure. Rhys and Az had been begging to ride it ever since he’d gotten it, but he’d starkly refused, claiming they were both too irresponsible. It was laughable, because Azriel was easily the most responsible member of their trio, but even he wasn’t allowed to do more than look at it. When Az had run a single finger across the paint, Cassian had pulled him away, declaring that Azriel was being too rough and that he clearly hadn’t thought about how the oils from his fingers would interact with the materials on the bike to shorten its lifespan. Azriel had pointed out that the motorcycle was meant to be ridden, but Cassian had ignored him. 

Of course it made sense that Cassian would be so overprotective of his motorcycle. He had never had many possessions. He hadn’t ever owned more than one pair of shoes until he was thirteen, when Shirina insisted on getting him snow boots and dress shoes. He’d replied, “But my sneakers still fit,” confused, and grew even more confused when Shirina wrapped him in a hug in response. 

A motorcycle was something he’d never realistically imagined being able to afford. He’d look at magazines and at the seniors who’d pull up to high school in the Harvey-Davidsons that their fathers had bought them, thinking about what kind of motorcycle he would have wanted if he’d been born to rich parents who were still alive. Now that his wildest dream had become reality, he would guard it to the best of his ability.

He knew that Rhys and Azriel would treasure it as well. They knew that he loved the bike and would never do anything to intentionally harm it. Yet, they had both grown up with money. They didn’t understand the instinct Cassian had to protect the little that was his, because they had grown up with so much to claim as their own. To them, possessions were replaceable. Despite the wealth Cassian had gained, he could never shake off the memory of being a child curled around a backpack as he slept on the street instead of covering himself with it for warmth because he was afraid it would get stolen. 

So when Cassian had casually offered to let Nesta try riding it, she was shocked to say the least. 

“Are you sure?” she’d asked about a hundred times, but his answer never changed. When she’d admitted that she had never ridden a motorcycle before, he had just replied, “I’m honored to be your first,” with a wink. He then took Nesta, who was blushing and rolling her eyes, outside to teach her the basics. 

“Alright,” he said with a clap, twenty minutes later. 

Nesta got off the bike, assuming he wanted to return it to its position in the garage. 

“Want to take it for a whirl?” he said instead.

She spun around to face him. “Really? But I… I wouldn’t want to damage your motorcycle. I know how important it is to you and, well, are you sure you want me to ride it?”

Cassian just shrugged, smiling. “No pressure, of course, if you’d rather not ride a motorcycle, but I’d love for you to try.” Something shifted in his eyes as he said, “I’d love to share it with you.”

Nesta blinked. She had grown up very differently from Cassian. She’d been born into a wealthy, upper-class family that later lost its wealth when her father got laid off and her mother fell ill. The medical bills piled up as her father searched in vain for work during a recession, and once her mother passed away, her father fell into the arms of alcoholic depression. Luckily, Nesta had enough training and experience by that point to gain a scholarship to her ballet school. 

So while Nesta had experienced poverty, it was never in the way that Cassian had. She could only understand Cassian’s desperation to hold on to his possession on an intellectual level. 

She didn’t know why he would trust her with something so precious.

“Of course I trust you,” Cassian added, as though he’d read her mind. He kissed her on the forehead, as if to say ‘you’re precious to me’. Nesta closed her eyes. 

“Um,” she whispered, then cleared her throat to continue in a stronger voice, “I’d be honored.” Then, she glanced down at the dress she was wearing. “Maybe tomorrow?” she added.

Cassian laughed that hearty, deep laugh that always made her heart clench. “Can’t wait, sweetheart.”

So here she was, the next day, riding Cassian’s motorcycle. She’d been sure to dress more appropriately in her leather pants, jacket, and boots. She asked Cassian to confirm that her outfit was ok, just to make sure. He hummed approvingly as she spun around.

He then sat her down, and put on her elbow pads and knee pads on her. If it had been anyone else, she would have complained incessantly about being treated like a child; because it was Cassian, who touched her so tenderly as he adjusted the straps, she couldn’t feel anything except gratitude and joy. 

“Ready?” He asked as she sat down on the bike. She gave him a thumbs up as he took a step back, gazing as though he was an artist who was looking at the tableau he’d painted. Dressed all in black, atop a black motorcycle, Nesta felt like she cut quite the figure. She felt powerful, as though she could do anything. 

She turned on the engine and was about to get going when Cassian shouted, “Wait!” and ran over to her. She paused, looking up at Cassian as he ran over to her and lifted her face shield. 

He kissed her, hard, and she melted into it. When he pulled away, she sat there for a moment, dazed. She brought a hand to her lips and continued to stare at Cassian. His parted lips were dark red, stained with her lipstick. 

She took a deep breath, blinking a few times to regain her focus and dispel all the images of a naked Cassian from her mind. She pulled down her face shield, revved the motorcycle, and set off. 

“But- how did you get Cass to agree to let you ride his bike?” Azriel asked, astounded.

Nesta shrugged, grinning. “What, like it’s hard?”

She zoomed off as the light turned green, leaving Rhys and Az in the dust with their mouths hanging wide open. 

__________

Present day

“I’ll cherish that moment forever,” Nesta laughed. 

Cassian grinned back at her, then pointed to a picture in the bottom row. 

“You know what I’ll cherish forever? This one.”

Nesta looked at it and sighed. “Great, now mine seems shallow. Why do you have to be so kind and thoughtful?”

“I’ll try to stop.”

“That would be much appreciated.”

__________

Four years ago

Cheers filled the rink.

“GO DRAKON!” yelled the girl sitting right next to Nesta.

Emerie, who was sitting on her other side, held back a hissing Nesta by grabbing both her shoulders. 

“That was ridiculous,” Nesta said through clenched teeth. “Why isn’t the ref saying anything? That was definitely a foul!” 

“It was a beautiful goal,” Rhysand corrected.

Nesta’s fiery glare turned to him and he withered as she snapped, “Whose side are you on?”

It was Nesta’s first time being at Cassian’s game. Of course, she’d seen his games on TV before, but both of them had agreed that she should wait before attending a game and being in the presence of all his fans and the media. Now that they had been officially dating for over a year, they’d both felt it was time. Nesta’s best friends, Gwyn and Emerie, had decided to accompany her. They had both claimed that they just wanted to watch the game, but she knew that they really were there to provide her with moral support.

Sadly, Cassian’s team — the Velaris Ghost Leopards — was currently losing 4-2 to the Adriata Sirens. Nesta, who never followed ice hockey closely until meeting Cassian, had been yelling up a storm as passionately as any long-time die-hard Ghost Leopards fan. They were about halfway through the third period and any hope that the Ghost Leopards could win was slowly disappearing. Especially as Jurian Zbirak, the Sirens’ center, passed discreetly to Varian Ulwandle, the left winger who was famously good at scoring. 

“I can’t watch,” Gwyn grimaced as Varian got past the Ghost Leopards’ defenceman, Andras Lupo. The crowd held their breath as Varian took the shot and- 

“Saved!” Emerie yelled as Rhysand let out a whoop. 

Thesan Vu, the Ghost Leopards’ goalie, had managed to save it beautifully.

Nesta gasped loudly as Kallias Neve, the Ghost Leopards’ center, took the puck and skated forward. Unfortunately, the other team’s defense was extremely strong, and caught sight of him almost immediately. Kallias cut sharply to the left, but the defenseman Eris Vanserra quickly shifted positions to block him. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Nesta chanted. Emerie was biting her nails anxiously next to her and Azriel was covering his mouth with his hands.

Kallias tried to deke Eris by feigning left and then cutting right, but Eris had seen through his tricks and was about to steal the puck when- 

Nesta jumped out of her seat. “Look!”

Kallias had managed to trick Eris after all. He’d drop passed the puck to Cassian, who was now zooming towards the goal. By the time Eris and Devlon Lyons, the other Sirens defenseman, realized and headed for Cassian, it was already too late. 

Nesta held her breath as Cassian got into position, took the shot and- 

“He scored!” Nesta cheered at the top of her lungs. 

Her throat was definitely going to be sore tomorrow but she didn’t even care. 

She watched as Cassian lit up with glee and his teammates congratulated him. This was why she cheered so hard, why she cared so much about the sport. It wasn’t as though she’d magically become obsessed with ice hockey when she’d met Cassian. No, it was the joy that the sport brought him and the way he put his heart and soul into it — giving it his all at every game, every training, every play — that made her passionate about it. Cassian worked so incredibly hard at hockey and it was such a big part of his life. How could something so important to him not be important to her, too? 

Cassian’s eyes locked on hers. Nesta froze. 

He brought his left hand to his lips and blew her a kiss. 

The crowd went wild as Cassian’s fans assumed he’d blown it to them. But Nesta could only sit down, dazed. She didn’t know why she felt so shocked that her boyfriend had blown her a kiss. They’d done far more than kiss, for gods’ sake. Perhaps it was because it had been in front of everyone, like Cassian was declaring his affection for her publicly and showing that he wasn’t ashamed of being with her. Or maybe it was the fact that he’d thought of her in the middle of a game, as though he never stopped thinking about her, even when he was singularly focused on ice hockey.

Emerie elbowed Nesta in the ribs and stage-whispered, “Your face is red, you know.” 

“Shut up,” was Nesta’s dignified response.

With five minutes left in the period, the Sirens held control of the puck.

“Are they just wasting time, trying to run out the clock?” Nesta huffed. “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

Drakon Aliyev — the Sirens’ right winger — kept passing back and forth with the Jurian and Varian, barely moving forward. 

“C’mon!” Rhysand jeered. 

Suddenly, with thirty seconds left on the clock, Jurian sped forward. He weaved between Ghost Leopards’ players, dodging and deking them. 

Twenty seconds. 

Andras closed in on Jurian, but Jurian back passed to Drakon right before Andras caught up to him. Drakon skated past them, zigzagging to avoid the other players who attempted to catch up to him. 

Ten seconds.

As Lucien — the Ghost Leopards’ other defenseman — moved in to body-check him, Drakon made eye contact with Varian, who had skated forward and was completely open. Drakon turned towards Varian, leaning his left shoulder down to pass to him.

Five seconds. 

Lucien shifted to guard Drakon’s right side, blocking him from passing to Varian. 

Four.

Drakon turned his hockey stick, which was on the left of the puck, to position it behind the puck, and aimed at the goal. Lucien scrambled to move back to his previous position in front of Drakon. 

Three. 

Drakon’s stick hit the puck, taking a strong shot. It flew through the middle of Lucien’s legs, headed straight towards the goal.

Two. 

Thesan shifted his stick and crouched down, moving into position to block the puck. 

One.

The puck landed on the ice a hair’s breadth in front of Thesan and slid through the small gap between his stick and his foot, straight into the goal.

Zero.

The crowd erupted into cheers and shouts. 

Nesta was chief among them. “What? That’s crazy! The puck was not completely over the line before the buzzer! Why the fuck are they counting it?” 

“It actually was,” Rhysand replied. “Wasn’t it an amazing buzzer beater, Az?”

Nesta was fuming. “What? Were you even watching the game? About a third of the puck hadn’t crossed the line! Don’t you agree, Az?” 

Az looked between them with wide eyes and then wisely chose to say, “Hey, why don’t we try to go catch Cassian before he has to go to the changing room?” 

Nesta was still grumbling as they walked up to where Cassian was talking to his teammates.

Azriel tapped him on the shoulder and he spun around, his disappointed frown turning into a friendly smile. Then, his eyes landed on Nesta and his expression softened. 

Nesta peered up at him and sent him a small smile. But a second later, she resumed her muttering, hissing under her breath, “I can’t fucking believe the refs don’t give a shit about the Sirens’ blatant cheating.”

Rhysand, who was standing right next to Nesta, groaned loudly. Cassian raised an eyebrow at him. “This one,” Rhys began, tilting his head towards Nesta, “hasn’t stopped complaining about the Sirens and the refs.” He rolled his eyes, exasperated. “They didn’t fucking cheat, Nesta. They won. Just accept it and move on.” He turned to Cassian with a glance that said ‘urg, can you believe her?’ 

Unfortunately for Rhysand, he was not met with the sympathetic backup he’d anticipated from Cassian. Instead, Cassian’s face split into a huge grin that only widened when Nesta retorted, “Well, it’s true! I swear the puck wasn’t fully over the line when I heard the buzzer. The refs were definitely biased, because they called the Ghost Leopards’ offsides in period 1 but not any of the Sirens’ fouls!” 

He let out a breathy laugh as wonder and joy lit up his eyes. He enveloped Nesta with his arms, burying his smile in her hair. 

Time froze.

Their eyes closed like camera shutters as they stood still, taking in the moment and committing it to memory. They were both silent, too overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions.

An eternity later, Cassian broke the silence, whispering “Thank you” into Nesta’s neck. He let her go, but not before pressing a kiss against her cheek.

__________

Present day

“You know, it meant the world to me to see that you defended me so fiercely.” Cassian’s tone was sincere but still light, as one could only be with those whom they’d been vulnerable with many times before. “To know that you cared so much about me… well. It’s not like no one cared about me before, you know, obviously I had Rhys and Az and stuff, but I still struggled with really believing that people could care about me — that I could matter to people. That moment… Of course it didn’t completely ‘fix’ me,” Cassian made air quotes with his fingers, “but I think that’s when it really clicked and I realized that you felt the same way about me that I felt about you — that I mattered to you, too.”

Nesta swallowed, realizing that she was choking up, which was extremely uncharacteristic of her. The closest she usually got to crying was when she read about fictional characters, and even then she almost never felt tears welling up as they were now. 

“I love you,” Nesta answered quietly. It was the truth, plain and simple. “You matter to me, and you always have.”

“I love you too,” Cassian answered. His hand reached out to cover hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

A moment later, he pointed to another polaroid in the bottom row. 

“This one was next, right?”

“Yeah,” Nesta said, her eyes twinkling as she reminisced. “Those views were so worth it, but damn, I don’t think I’ve ever been as tired and sore.”

Cassian smirked. “Oh really? Not even-”

“Nope,” Nesta interrupted with a smirk of her own.

Cassian blinked, as though her reply had genuinely shocked him. Once he recovered, he answered, “Well, we’ll have to change that, won’t we?” 

He winked. 

Nesta rolled her eyes, but brought a hand to cheek to cover what she assumed was her rather obvious blush. 

__________

Four years ago

“Are you sure you don’t need to drink more water?” Cassian asked again.

“Yes, Cassian, I’m just as sure as I was when you asked me two seconds ago,” Nesta replied, a small smile on her lips despite her slight irritation at his repetitive questioning. Nesta would never in a million years admit that she liked Cassian’s coddling, but in truth she did enjoy knowing how much he cared. 

They’d decided to get away from the city for a week to go on the backpacking trip they’d been talking about for months now. Miraculously, Cassian’s off-season had aligned perfectly with Nesta’s and they intended to make full use of it. 

Initially, they had considered inviting some of their friends and family to join them on a hike to a different location, but after Nesta’s argument with Rhysand over reproductive freedoms dissolved into an intense shouting match with personal attacks, Cassian had decided to limit the trip to just the two of them. He’d hoped to give them some space from each other to help them cool off. 

There was also an additional reason he had decided not to invite anyone else — most notably Rhysand — that he hadn’t told Nesta. The day after the row, Cassian had gone to see Rhysand, hoping to help clear the air. Instead of being regretful and guilty, Rhysand had been stubborn, claiming that Nesta was the only one who needed to apologize. He called Nesta a “vicious bitch”, saying that he didn’t know why Cassian would want to be with such a “fucked up person who clearly had way too many issues” and “only wanted Cassian for the money and fame”. When he laughed, “The sex must be really good for you to put up with her,” spitting out the last word as though Nesta was the scum of the Earth who wasn’t even worthy of being named by Rhysand, Cassian had exploded. 

He’d completely lost it, snarling and hurling insults at Rhys. He’d yelled that Rhys was clearly so insecure that he couldn’t accept when he was wrong and had to tear others down to try to fix his fragile ego. 

“Maybe you want to pretend you’re perfect because you don’t know how to love people, flaws and all,” Cassian had hissed. “So yeah, Nesta might have some ‘issues’ but so do I. And guess what? That’s fine. We still care about each other, for real. Unlike you, we don’t feel the need to lie about who we are. At least our relationship is real and is based on honesty and truth.” 

It had been a low blow, to allude to his previous relationships. Rhys had dated Amarantha, a wealthy actress and politician’s daughter, at his parents’ request back when Rhys’ dad, Hadrian, was still running the conglomerate called Night Court Corporations which was later passed down to Rhys. This had been both a PR stunt, which showed rivals just how strong and influential their family was and distracted the media from Ayla’s underage drunk driving, and a way to gain Amarantha’s father’s support in giving Night Court Corporations a tax break. Their relationship had been faker than Amarantha’s tan. 

His only real relationship before Feyre had been with Carmella, a girl who worked at a coffee shop he used to frequent, although calling it ‘real’ was a stretch, as Rhysand had lied to her about his family and his past. They had dated for almost a year, and Az and Cassian had met the poor girl numerous times, but Rhysand had insisted that he would keep being ‘Reese, son of an office worker’ when he was with her in order to avoid ‘getting used’. 

So yes, the comment had been mean and Cassian had felt slightly guilty about it, despite it being true. 

But then, Rhys had retorted, “Real? Please, Cassian, I can’t believe that you can’t see through her! She doesn’t ‘care about you’ or whatever, she only cares about the money, just like everybody else like her!”

Cassian’s eyes had narrowed and he’d slowly bit out, “Like her? What do you mean by that?”

His eyes had flashed with rage and pain, because he’d known exactly what Rhysand meant. 

His suspicions were confirmed when Rhys’ expression had twitched. He’d meant people who weren’t as famous, as well-to-do, as wealthy. People who didn’t have a trust fund or a summer house or extra cars. People who couldn’t take vacations or make big purchases without saving up first. People who couldn’t say ‘money isn’t a problem’. People like Nesta who had to have side jobs in addition to their main one just to be able to afford rent in a city like Velaris. And people like Cassian, for whom even food and housing and safety had never been a guarantee, let alone new clothing or vacations. 

Rhysand had just implied that Cassian had never cared about Rhysand or Shirina or Ayla or Hadrian. That Cassian had only been with them for the money and that all the love he had for them was fake. 

Rhysand stayed silent.

Cassian repeated, “What do you mean, Rhys?”

“Look, I didn’t mean to offend you. It wasn’t about- I’m just trying to help you! She doesn’t actually care.” At Cassian’s murderous glare, he amended, “And even if she does, she doesn’t deserve you! I’m just trying to rescue you, man.”

“Rescue me?” Cassian laughed, coldly. “I’m not some semi-homeless kid anymore. I don’t need a fucking hero to save me. Maybe you want to think I’m some helpless victim because you can’t stand the fact that I’m finally happy and I don’t need you anymore. How are you going to feed your savior complex now?”

Rhysand scoffed, glaring down at him as though Cassian were a peasant and he were a god. It only served to fuel the cold flames of Cassian’s anger.

“Or maybe you don’t like that I’m succeeding,” Cassian said, his voice quiet and dangerous. “You don’t like that I’m rich and famous and I did it all on my own. I worked hard and got here and I’m only gonna keep rising. Who are you gonna look down at now to remind yourself just what a special little boy you are?”

Rhysand rolled his eyes. “Rich? Please, Cassian, you’re doing okay, but you could never be as rich as me. And all on your own? Need I remind you that I gave you a house and food and clothes? I paid for your hockey gear and for chauffeurs to drive you to games. You worked hard, sure, but so did I. We’re the same, so stop trying to act like you’re any better than me.”

“Aww, did I hurt your fragile little ego?” Cassian pouted mockingly. “You know that you didn’t do any of that, right? Shirina and Hadrian paid for all those things. And yes, they helped me, but at least I got my job because of skill and hard work. You got yours because you were born a boy. We’re not the same and we’ll never be.”

“You’re right,” Rhysand replied coolly. “We’re not the same. I don’t know why I ever bothered to pretend otherwise.”

Cassian had stormed out, tossing a “By the way, it’s called a taxi, not a chauffeur!” over his shoulder as he exited.

Admittedly, it had not been his best comeback.

After that incident, Cassian had decided not to speak to Rhys for a while, let alone invite him on any trips.

As they hiked up the hilly landscape, Cassian was grateful he’d decided to spend this time alone with Nesta instead. Somehow, the whole trip felt so much more meaningful with her by his side, like this was a glimpse at the life they were building together. 

“Gods, my legs are definitely going to hurt after today,” Nesta mumbled as they hiked up an especially steep section.

“Are you okay? Do you want to take a break- or should I carry you?” Cassian hurriedly replied. 

Nesta just laughed, staring pointedly at his backpack. “Literally how?”

Cassian gestured to his front. “You doubt my strength?”

“Yes,” Nesta teased, sticking her tongue out at him before speed walking ahead. 

“Wait up!”

Each night, they shared a tent. Despite starting out in sleeping bags on separate mattress pads, they always ended up cuddling together, supposedly for warmth. A couple nights in, Nesta figured out how to zip their sleeping bags together to create a single larger sleeping bag, whispering “Oh no, there’s only one bed!” as she did so. 

Every morning, Cassian would wake Nesta up with a kiss to her cheek. She’d always scrunch her face and groggily mutter, “No, don’t do that, I’m disgusting.”

“You could never be disgusting, sweetheart,” Cassian would reply, prompting Nesta to open her eyes only to roll them at him. 

When they finally arrived at Windhaven Overlook, their destination, they spent a day admiring the views and having a small picnic. 

“Thanks for bringing me here,” Nesta said, resting her head on Cassian’s shoulder. “It means a lot that you’d want to share this with me.”

Cassian kissed her forehead in response. 

He had been to this spot only twice before, but it was still one of the most important locations for him. 

The first time, Enalius had brought him here. Enalius was a man close to Cassian’s heart. They’d first met when Enalius approached Cassian, whose face was glued to a window, watching an ice hockey team practice. Cassian had snuck into the skating rink for warmth and to use the vending machines and the water fountains, but had let his guard down, enthralled by the skaters. 

“Are you spying on them?” were the first words out of Enalius’ mouth. 

“What? NO!” Cassian had tried to run, but Enalius clasped his shoulder with a strong arm. 

“Really? What team do you play for?”

“I don’t play hockey!” 

At that, Enalius had frowned. “Really? That’s a shame. I think you might be good at it. Why don’t you ask your parents to sign you up for a class sometime?” 

Cassian’s eyes had dropped to the floor. “No, that’s okay.”

“C’mon, now,” Enalius had tried again. “I’m sure you could be better than those boys in no time.”

“I’ve never even skated before.”

Enalius raised an eyebrow as Cassian furiously backtracked, realizing that he’d basically admitted he’d snuck in. 

“Uh, I mean, I’ve never skated in, uh, hockey rinks with, uh-”

Enalius smiled. “Don’t worry, kid.” He looked Cassian up and down once more and sighed, “Are you sure you don’t want to give it a try? You’ll never know what it’s like until you give it a go.”

Cassian shrugged.

“Well, if you ever think you want to, just tell the lady at the counter over there that Enalius Ramiel told you to sign up for a lesson with him, okay? And get your parents to sign all the release forms and stuff.”

“Oh, they, uh, can’t do that.”

Enalius cocked his head. “Should I talk to them? Don’t worry, lessons aren’t actually that expensive, and I’ll give you a little discount.”

“No, um, you can’t talk to them,” Cassian mumbled uncomfortably.

Enalius took a step back. “Sorry kid, didn’t mean to pressure you. Lemme know if you ever want me to talk to your parents or anything.”

As Enalius started to turn around, Cassian was suddenly caught by a panic and blurted, “You can’t talk to them ’cause they’re dead.” 

Enalius froze. 

“Oh,” he said after a moment. “I see.” 

He studied Cassian’s face for a moment and then grabbed his hand, power-walking towards the check-in counter. They cut to the front of a long line of people as Enalius flashed a badge.

“Hey, Val, can we book rink 3 for a private lesson?” Enalius asked the lady at the counter with a grin. 

“Sure, when do you want to schedule it for?” 

“Now.” 

Val raised her eyebrows. “Now? Are you joking?” 

Enalius shook his head. 

Val just sighed. “Fine, but I don’t think the ice has been refreshed in a while. Also, it’s booked after 5:30, so you’ve got a little less than an hour.”

“Thanks, Val, you’re the best.” Then, he turned to Cassian. “What size are your feet?” 

“Um… 6?” Cassian guessed, rounding up a size from his current too-small sneakers. 

“A pair of size 6 hockey skate rentals, too,” Enalius added. “Put it all on my tab.”

Then, he leaned in to whisper something Cassian couldn’t hear, which made Val sigh, “Oh, Ali, I hope you know what you’re doing.” 

The next hour had changed Cassian's life. He’d started out wobbling, barely staying vertical and walking instead of skating on the ice. By the end, he was gliding effortlessly, skating around and in between the cones Enalius set up. He fell in love with ice skating. 

So Cassian returned, day after day, getting free private lessons from Enalius, and he soon became enamored by ice hockey, too.

Enalius became Cassian’s mentor, not only teaching him hockey but also buying Cassian snacks or dinner and making sure he got back safely. It was Enalius who later introduced Shirina, his childhood friend, to Cassian, further changing his life.

It wasn’t until much later that Cassian learned what a famous and successful hockey player Enalius was. Enalius remained Cassian’s coach right until he joined the NHL himself.

There were few people who were as important to Cassian as Enalius. And that was why this place that Enalius had brought him to years ago was so special to Cassian. 

Shirina, Hadrian, Rhysand, and Ayla had decided to go abroad and travel alongside some cousins during fall break. Enalius had overheard Shirina hesitating about leaving Cassian home alone for the week and had offered to take him on a trip of their own. Cassian, who had never been on a trip as far as he was aware of, was ecstatic and it did not disappoint. It became one of Cassian’s best memories.

The second time he came to this spot was after Shirina’s death. Rhysand and Ayla had been inconsolable, each grieving in their own way: Rhysand never spent a moment alone, as though he could bury his feelings in the high of socializing and parties, while Ayla barely spoke or even left her room. Hadrian was trying his best to keep it together, but was clearly in way over his head — managing the children and their emotions had always been Shirina’s department, not his. Luckily, their extended family had flown into town to help them all. Friends and acquaintances had reached out, trying to find ways to support them through all the grief. 

Cassian, who couldn’t really be classified as a friend or family to Shirina, had been overlooked. It wasn’t like he expected anything different, but watching everyone comforting each other and ignoring him hurt. It was as though he had no right to grieve — to be this hurt by her death — and maybe he didn’t, but she had been the closest thing he’d had to a parent since he’d been 5 years old. He’d loved her, too. No, he wasn’t her child, but he was something to her, even if it couldn’t be labeled so easily. 

Now she was gone and whatever they had been was erased. It didn’t matter that he’d used his first paycheck to buy her a birthday present, or that she had attended all his home NHL games, or that they’d often go on walks together. It didn’t matter that she always knew when he needed a hug or that she’d taught him how to cook. 

Cassian had decided to hike to Windhaven Overpass to get out of his own head. 

The journey had helped him to process his emotions. The sunsets and the plant life around him had seemed far more beautiful that time, reminding him of how much Shirina had loved nature. At night, the stars seemed brighter than normal, and he recalled Shirina explaining to him that in her culture, stars were considered to be ancestral and guardian spirits looking down at you and guiding you. 

Cassian felt like Shirina had been there, watching him from the sky and reaching out with a comforting hand as he struggled. That trip, he had gotten angry and laughed joylessly and sobbed. He’d felt empty and about to explode at the same time. He had gotten to be something different from the strong, smiling version of himself that he usually presented to the public. In the end, the trip had helped him find some sort of closure and peace with Shirina’s death.

Now, Cassian had brought Nesta here.

He had told her about his prior trips with Windhaven and what the location meant to him, but actually bringing her here was a sign that Cassian was willing to be vulnerable with her. 

He had always feared people would leave him and that he was replaceable, and worried about tainting such a special place with memories of someone who would later leave his life. 

And yet, Cassian had brought her here.

“This spot is important to me, Nes, and so are you,” Cassian said. “Thank you for coming. It’s my honor to be here, with you.”

He didn’t say: ‘I’m not worried about bringing you here because what we have is different — it’s meant to last.’

He didn’t say: ‘You’re the only person I’ve ever cared about enough to let myself be vulnerable like this with — you could destroy me, but I’m willing to take that chance.’

He didn’t say: ‘I love you.’

And yet, that was what they both heard.

__________

Present day

“I knew you were in love with me the second you invited me on that trip,” Nesta smirked. 

“Sweetheart, I was gone for you way before then,” Cassian laughed. 

“That’s true,” she grinned. “You had an embarrassingly massive crush on me for the longest time. And you must’ve loved me a whole lot to let me get away with making Rhys grovel like that.”

“First of all, get your facts straight: I still have an embarrassingly massive crush on you,” he replied. “And secondly, well, Rhys deserved it and also it was really entertaining to watch.”

The day after they’d gotten back, Rhysand had sent Cassian and Nesta a long message, asking them to meet up so that he could apologize in person. Nesta decided that they should talk to Rhys separately. 

Cassian went first. Rhys apologized profusely for all the names he’d called Nesta, for all the things he’d implied about Cassian, and for all the insults. Cassian in turn apologized for his part, and the two of them had a chat in which Rhys admitted that he’d acted like an entitled prick and that he was genuinely sorry. They made up and quickly forgave each other, like the pseudo-brothers they were.

Nesta and Rhysand were an altogether different story. Rhysand apologized to her as well, but she answered that while she accepted his apology, she could not forgive him so easily. 

She understood that he didn’t like her, and that was his right, but she also felt that he couldn’t try to make claims about her character when he barely knew her. She told him that she was perfectly fine with having a tepid relationship with him where they would only speak when strictly necessary or that they could try to get to know each other better. Rhysand went with the second option. From there, they went on to have many long discussions. Once they’d gotten a bit closer, Nesta returned to their original point of contention: reproductive freedoms. She made Rhys listen to podcasts and read articles and watch videos about what reproductive freedom really was and why it was so important. “You don’t have to change your opinion,” she’d said, over and over. “You just need to be informed before you try to make claims about what others should or shouldn’t do with their bodies and their lives.”

It was only months later that Nesta finally stopped putting him through the wringer and told him that she’d forgiven him. 

“I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Cass. It definitely was all for your entertainment, no other reason at all for us to argue,” Nesta replied dryly.

Her eyes drifted to the polaroid in the bottom right corner. “Now that,” she pointed, “that was entertainment. What a show!” She licked her lips and batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly. 

“It was completely staged, of course,” Cassian joked. “The whole thing was just for your pleasure.”

Nesta raised an eyebrow. “My ‘pleasure’?” 

“My, my, what a dirty mind you have, Nesta!” Cassian fake-gasped. “A proper gentleman would never imply something so improper to a lady like yourself.”

“A proper gentleman? Where?” she retorted without missing a beat. 

He clutched his chest. “You wound me, m’lady.” He shook his head. “And to think, I was your knight in shining armor that day…”

“More like knight in very little armor.”

__________

Three years ago

Plunk.

They watched, immobilized by shock, as the necklace drifted below the water’s surface. 

It fell slowly, until it became only a vague shadow in the water.

“Nesta?” “Nesta, are you ok?” 

Voices faded in and out of Nesta’s awareness. She tried to force herself to smile, to nod that she was completely, totally fine. Unfortunately, she seemed to have lost the ability to control her body. 

It was so, so stupid. She’d been having such a wonderful day. And now, she’d ruined it.

Cassian and Azriel had prepared a group trip to Ravennia Park, complete with a lovely picnic lunch in the field of blooming daffodils. Cassian had even made sure to include all her favorite foods in the lunch. Afterward, they walked around the park, stopping occasionally to take pictures or listen to birds. 

They had stopped on this small bridge so that Feyre could take pictures of the glistening lake and the paddling of ducks that had just entered the water. Nesta had leaned over the railing, chatting with Cassian as she watched the colorful koi fish swim.

Her necklace had snapped suddenly, tumbling into the water before anyone could react. 

Her silver necklace, which her father had given her for her eighth birthday, disappeared under the surface of the lake. Gone, just like her middle school best friend, Clare Beddor, who had drowned herself in a pool. Gone, just like her father.

Until her mother got sick, Nesta had had an amazing relationship with her father. She would sit next to him, listening intently as he explained how trading and shipbuilding worked. She was always the one to run and open the door when he came home from work, enveloping him in a hug. She loved it when he read her bedtime stories and watched her dance around the living room.

Then, everything changed. Her illusion that he could do no wrong broke when her mother told her that the reason she wasn’t getting better from her illness was that they couldn’t afford good doctors and medicine since her father had lost his job. After that, Nesta’s resentment only grew as the misfortunes piled up. Her mother died and they couldn’t afford the funeral that she’d wanted. Her sisters had to change schools. They moved into a smaller house, with a bedroom that all three sisters shared. They struggled to put food on the table. 

When her father decided to sell art instead of looking for another job, saying he couldn’t rely on others to give him work, Nesta fumed. How could he sit there, carving wood and drinking beer, while Feyre worked overtime at her job in addition to school and she and Elain did all the cooking and cleaning? Nesta had vowed to leave as soon as she could, and, it turned out, that ballet allowed her to leave the nest sooner than expected. 

Still, she’d felt guilty leaving her sisters to fend for themselves in that house, and then felt even angrier at her father for not taking care of them and putting Nesta in a position where she felt guilty for following her dreams. 

Suffice to say, Nesta had a difficult relationship with him — one that was made all the more complex when he died of a sudden heart attack. 

It had taken Nesta a long time to process and make peace with his death. 

She’d decided to wear the necklace her father had given her today, in honor of his birthday. Once upon a time, she had worn this necklace all the time, showing off the token of her father’s affection. By putting it back on, she felt like she was healing a teenage Nesta, who had violently taken off her necklace at her mother’s funeral and shoved it into the drawer of her bedside table. 

And now, it was lost forever. 

“Nesta?” 

Cassian’s voice cut through her haze and she lifted her eyes to see his worried expression. He brought a finger to her cheek, caressing it softly. It grounded her, bringing her back to the present, but she didn’t react — couldn’t react — more than just blinking at him dazedly. 

Cassian took a deep breath. He grabbed the back of his t-shirt and removed it in one smooth motion, his pants quickly following suit. Before Nesta could process what was happening, he climbed over the railing and plunged into the lake. 

Nesta could only cling to the railing, shocked silent for a new reason as she waited, praying to all the gods she barely believed in that his head would emerge from the water. 

She tried to dispel all the fears that swam around in her mind, taunting her about the dangers of the lake. The water plants that could ensnare even experienced swimmers’ feet and drown them, the animals that could bite and eat him, the sharp rocks that could injure him, the current that could pull him under — the possibilities were endless.

Cassian’s head emerged from the water and she felt her heart unclench, just for a second, until he disappeared once more. 

This jerked Nesta out of her stupor. 

“Cassian,” she called out. “Cass! What the fuck are you doing? Get back here! ” Her voice grew increasingly panicked as there was no response. 

“It’s dangerous, are you insane? Cassian? Cassian!”

Her shouts only stopped when Cassian surfaced. His broad shoulders and defined abs glistened in the sunlight as drops of water rolled down his chest. The bun his hair had been in had come upon, and now his dark, wavy-curly mane was streaming down his back. His brown skin was slick with water and drops clung to his long eyelashes. She couldn’t stop herself from noticing that he looked exactly how she’d imagined a merman to be. 

Her lips parted as he stepped out of the water. She forced her eyes away from his soaking wet underwear that clung to his body, defining every inch of it. Her gaze fixed on his chest instead. She knew she should be focusing on Cassian’s face or the necklace in his hand but he was so fucking distracting. Soaked Cassian was criminally delectable. 

“Nesta?” 

Cassian’s voice was worried, probably since Nesta still wasn’t speaking.

“Nes,” he whispered, gently tilting her head upwards with a finger under her chin. 

Their eyes met. Cassian’s concern was wiped off his face and was instantly replaced by a smirk.

“Lost your tongue, sweetheart?” he teased.

Though she had indeed lost the ability to speak, she would not give him the satisfaction of admitting it. No, she would play his game and beat him at it. 

She licked her lips slowly. She tilted her head back to expose the column of her throat while she swallowed sharply, knowing how it drove him crazy. Cassian made a low noise in the back of his throat, as though he was trying and failing to suppress a groan. Then, he put his arms on her shoulders, turning her around. 

“Lift up your hair,” he whispered into her ear, sending shivers across her body. 

She did as he requested. He put the necklace back on her neck, patiently working the tiny clasp. His fingers brushed her neck, and even the cold silver of the necklace couldn’t cool the heat that spread within her. When the necklace was securely fastened, she turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

She took a moment to look deep within his eyes. 

She would have to yell at him later for risking his life for a piece of jewelry, but nonetheless she appreciated what he had done. He was one of the only people who knew that she had a fear of deep water due to its association with Clare, and was also the only person who knew what putting this necklace back on meant for her. Yes, it was only a necklace, but he had also saved her from reopening the wounds of her complex relationship with her father and her past self. 

So she kissed him, knowing he would understand every conflicting thought and emotion that she pressed against his lips. And when his hand came up to support her neck, she knew that he was answering ‘I’m here for you, always.’

__________

Present day

“I knew you were objectifying me,” Cassian pouted mockingly.

Nesta nodded. “Oh, for sure. You’re nothing but a sexy hunk to me.” 

She leaned closer to him. “That’s why I said I love you first.” She tapped the picture in the top left corner. 

Cassian rolled his eyes. “How long are you going to hold that over my head?”

Nesta hummed as though she were seriously contemplating the issue. “How about… forever?” 

Cassian’s eyes sparkled and his mouth twisted around, as though he were trying to hold back a grin. 

“Urg, fine,” he said. His attempt to appear annoyed failed completely as he sounded more amused than anything else. “As long as you know I loved you first.”

It was Nesta’s turn to roll her eyes in mock annoyance, despite knowing that he was likely correct. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

__________

Three years ago

It was the final match of the Alfheim Ice Hockey Championships. If the Velaris Ghost Leopards managed to beat the Hybern Hydras, they would win the Fionn Cup for the first time in history. 

The game was extremely close, with both teams tied at 2-2, though not for lack of trying. The Hydras were playing atrociously dirty by anyone’s standards. They had already received numerous green and yellow cards, but it didn’t seem to deter them from continuing to foul the Ghost Leopards. 

Nesta cheered as Andras blocked Keir Hewn’s attack. Lucien swept in, stealing the puck from Keir, and passed it across the ice to Cassian. Cassian bluffed and wove his way through the Hydras’ defensemen. 

“C’mon, Cass, c’mon,” she chanted, her hands clasped together. 

Beron Falls raced to block Cassian, but Cassian passed the puck to Kallias just in time. Kallias dribbled the puck expertly. 

“Please, Kallias, make this shot,” Rhys implored from the seat behind Nesta’s. 

Kallias skated towards the goals, and lifted his stick to shoot. 

Then, the ice erupted in shouts, the umpire blowing the whistle continuously. 

“What just happened?” Gwyn asked but no one had an answer to give her. Nesta just sighed, dropping her face into her hands until she felt Elain tugging at her shoulder. Her eyes followed Elain’s pointed finger to see the jumbotron showing a replay. Andrew Amaranth, the Hydras’ left winger, had come up to Kallias from behind. He grabbed his stick and kicked the back of his calf with the blade of his skates, causing Kallias to fall. 

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Nesta shouted.

“He’s actually unhinged,” Azriel agreed. 

The umpire called for a yellow and a ten-minute time out.

“It should be a red card,” Gwyn hissed and Nesta loudly agreed. 

The game continued in such a fashion, with the Hydras playing as dirty as possible without getting red cards. 

The game was still tied with five minutes remaining in the third period. 

“We can’t go into overtime,” Azriel muttered to himself, “All our players are getting tired and they’re bound to actually get injured from these fouls.”

“Better overtime than a loss,” Rhys replied.

Nesta looked down at her hands. Her nails had been bitten down to the nub over the course of this game. 

Winning the Fionn Cup was a lifelong dream of Cassian’s. He had worked hard for this. He’d given his life to this sport for years, training every day for hours on end, no matter how tired he was. He studied strategy, honed his body, and worked with his team to figure out how to play into everyone’s individual strengths.

But it was more than that. 

In many ways, the sport had also saved Cassian. It had given him direction and a sense of purpose at a time when he’d felt lost. It had given him a team, when he’d only ever felt alone. It had provided him an alternative to the path he’d thought he was destined for — a path that led to nothing but more despair, where he would just get by, numbly passing through every day and surviving by the skin of his teeth. Ice hockey had opened up a whole new world for him and allowed him to dream of a different future for himself. It had given him hope, showing him a way out of the cycle of sadness that he’d imagined he would be trapped in forever. 

The world had once branded him as useless, as broken, as less than nothing. As he was tossed around from foster home to foster home, sleeping on the street among the trash, the word worthless sank deeper and deeper into his skin. 

Ice hockey was the hand that had reached out and pulled him to his feet, getting him off the ground, out of the shadows and the litter and the endless despair. It had dusted him off and pulled him into the light, where he could get warm and grow and sparkle as he was meant to. 

Now, Nesta wanted the world to acknowledge that Cassian was a champion. She wanted the world to know they’d been wrong to ever dismiss him as anything less than magnificent. She wanted him to win the Fionn Cup and stand proudly in the spotlight, knowing the world now looked up to him. More than anything, she wanted him to know that he was worthy, that he was precious, that he was important. 

“Oh, fuck, yes!” Azriel shouted. Nesta would have raised an eyebrow at him — the ever-brooding, silent and mysterious Azriel — shouting so enthusiastically, if she hadn’t been so caught up in the game.  

Kallias had stolen the puck from Dagdan Maeve and was racing towards the goal. Just as he crossed the center line, the Hydra’s defensemen, Beron and Nolan, closed in on him. Nesta watched as Kallias attempted to fake them out, then made a sharp turn to get away from them, all to no avail. Beron finally caught up to him and moved to steal the puck. With Nolan guarding Kallias’ other side, there was nowhere for him to move, no space for him to pass.

“Oh, I can’t watch,” Rhys hissed, wincing. 

Nesta pressed her lips together, hoping for a miracle, when suddenly the puck disappeared. Kallias had somehow managed to pass it through the narrow gap between Beron and Nolan’s sticks and had hit the puck with such strength that neither of them could move to stop it in time. Cassian received the pass and skated towards the goal. Beron, Nolan, and even some of the forwards moved to stop him, but Nesta knew they wouldn’t make it in time. Not when Cassian was speeding forward, moving like the wind as he skated across the ice. 

Nesta leaned forward in her seat as a feeling swelled up inside her. It was a mix of anticipation, nervousness, hope, fear, pride, and something else — something that made her feel like her heart was in her throat and made her pray that Cassian would score but know she would be there by his side no matter what happened. She had been feeling it for so long now, but had never voiced it — never put words to the feeling for fear that it would shatter the precious thing they’d built. But now Nesta knew it wasn’t something that could be so easily destroyed. No, it didn’t matter if Cassian won or lost, or even got injured. It didn’t matter if Cassian got traded to a team in a different city or Nesta had to switch ballet companies. No matter what, through the ups and the downs, they would be there for each other, helping to shoulder the emotional load. 

As Cassian's hockey stick hit the puck, Nesta wondered why she had been waiting so long when it was so clear what this feeling was. If she was being honest, she’d known it when Cassian dove into the water for her necklace, had known it when he’d brought her to Windhaven, had known it even the first time she’d sat in these seats, cheering Cassian on as he played. 

Cassian’s love was loud. It was in the romantic dates he planned, the surprises and gifts and hugs he showered her with, the weekends when he could sleep in but woke up anyway to make her pancakes. No, he hadn’t said the words either, but his protective arm around her during dinner with his friends and the vulnerable look in his eyes as he prepared a fusion meal that combined their cultural cuisines said all that was needed. 

Nesta’s love was quiet. It was in the fridge restocked with Cassian’s favorite foods, the ways she tended to his injuries after a match, and carefully planned meaningful gifts for his birthday. No, she hadn’t said the words, but she knew that he knew how she felt. 

But now, as the puck flew towards the goal, Nesta wanted to love just as boldly as Cassian. She wanted to show the world how lucky she was to be with him, but more importantly, she wanted Cassian to feel how much she cared about him. She wanted him to know that she was proud to be his. For him, she’d shout their love from the rooftops. She’d give him the whole universe if she could, because the world had been so unkind to him and yet he’d still managed to become the most incredible person in it. She could only offer him her heart, however, and hope that he would find it worthy of keeping. 

The puck grazed the goalie’s glove and Nesta held her breath. The goalie stretched out his fingers to grab it but it flew past him. 

“GOAL!” 

The entire stadium erupted into screams. Cheers of pure joy came from the Ghost Leopards’ side, louder than ever before. Nesta watched as Gwyn, Azriel, Elain, and Rhys jumped up and hugged each other.

Nesta could only stand up in silence, too consumed with her feelings to utter a single sound. For what sound could encapsulate this all-encompassing joy and pride? She looked down at the rink. Cassian’s teammates were all piled up around him in a massive group hug. And in the middle of it all, Cassian was there, beaming. His eyes lifted and met hers. She was grinning, wider than ever before in her life, and lifted her hands to make a heart. 

Cassian’s eyes turned huge. He took a deep breath. 

Perhaps he would have responded in kind, but he was obstructed from Nesta’s view as another teammate jumped to hug him and then the coach yelled at them that the game was restarting. Cassian shot Nesta one last, loaded glance before skating back to his position.

It was all a blur after that. The last few minutes of the match passed without any change.  Both teams’ offenses and defenses were equally matched, and the puck passed between them with no chances to score. When the buzzer rang out, everyone sprung to their feet. 

Nesta cheered, not giving a shit that her voice would be hoarse the next day with how loudly she was screaming. Azriel was jumping up and down like a child — she’d never seen him so overtly joyous. Rhys had tears of joy pouring down his cheeks. Gwyn and Elain were hugging. 

After the awards ceremony, all the interviews, and a rowdy celebration with the team, Cassian finally joined them. 

The second they caught sight of him, they rushed towards him. All five of them reached him at the same time and jumped on him, crushing him as they hugged him and showered him with compliments and congratulations.  

Cassian laughed boisterously. 

“I can’t believe it! I’m friends with a Fionn Cup Champion,” Gwyn gushed.

“Oh, so now we’re friends?” Cassian teased.

Gwyn answered with a playful shove that pushed Cassian back toward Azriel. Az wrapped his arms around Cassian, trapping him.

He pressed a kiss to the side of Cassian’s head as the latter squirmed. 

“Sorry Nes, I’m keeping him,” Azriel joked, tightening his grip as Cassian tried to shake him off. 

“Take him,” Nesta grinned. “He snores.” 

“I do not!” 

Cassian’s protest went ignored.

“Hmm,” Azriel pretended to muse. “But then I could have a real-life Fionn Cup Champion in my room. The price of the noise-canceling headphones will be worth it.”

Nesta shrugged. “I’d be surprised if he fit through your door, now that his ego is going to get even bigger.” 

“True, true. I’d hate for his massive head to break my roof.”

“Hello? I thought you’re supposed to be nice to Fionn Cup winners,” Cassian pouted.

Gwyn laughed. “Nice? Cassian, it’s like you don’t even know us.”

“I can be nice,” Rhys protested.

Everyone proceeded to burst out laughing.

“Okay, fine,” he acquiesced. “I’m a demon just like the rest of you.” 

“That’s right,” Nesta grinned. “Accept your true nature and join our pit of darkness.”

Gwyn laughed evilly, “Mwahahaha!”

Nesta lifted her left hand, which Gwyn promptly high-fived. 

“Okay, anyway,” Elain interrupted, “Cassian, are you hungry? You must be tired after that amazing game.”

“Wow, thank you for being so considerate, Elain,” he said, extending her name pointedly. “I am actually pretty hungry and tired and sore after the game.” 

He turned his head to glare at Azriel, who was still holding him.

Az merely rolled his eyes. “Aw, poor baby. Does the little Fionn Cup Champion have a boo-boo?”

“Maybe he needs Nesta to kiss them better,” Gwyn suggested, not bothering to hide her smirk.

“Are you gonna tend to his wounds?”  Rhysand asked. “Nurse him to health?”

“I guess that depends on what it is that he’s hungry for,” Nesta replied with a wink.

They all burst out laughing a second later.

“Wow, you’re all so immature,” Cassian sniffed. “Elain is the only person fit for polite company.”

Rhysand glanced around. “What polite company?”

“Oh, no,” Azriel exclaimed. “We’re blaspheming! Now that Cassian’s won the Cup, we have to refer to him by his proper title: His Highness Sir Cassian of Illyrian.”

“I’m so sorry, my Lord,” Nesta added with a curtsey. “Please, forgive our disrespect.”

“Regency romance,” Gwyn fake-coughed into her elbow. 

“Of course, m’lady,” Cassian winked, “you’re forgiven. Although you may have to be punished for your transgressions.” 

Azriel pretended to gag. “Please, save the foreplay for the bedroom.”

“My poor, innocent ears,” Rhysand groaned. “I’ll never recover.”

Nesta turned to him. “Right, because you’ve never made out with my baby sister in public.” Then, she smirked. “Although, maybe you are innocent if that was too much for you. I mean, how vanilla are you?”

“Cassian,” Elain interrupted. “Do you want to go eat dinner at a restaurant or something?”

“That sounds amazing! How about the Greek place on 10th Avenue?” Cassian replied.

“Oh fine,” Rhys rolled his eyes playfully, “We’ll get food.” 

“I am actually really hungry, too,” Gwyn agreed.

“Well, if Gwyn is hungry, then we gotta go eat now!” Nesta declared.

Azriel nodded, his expression serious.

Cassian sighed. 

“I’ll meet you guys there,” Cassian called out as he walked towards his car with Nesta, “Or not. It’s also fine if you get lost on the way.” 

Azriel responded by raising a choice finger. 

The mirth was still in the air as Nesta closed the car door on the passenger’s side. 

“I can drive if you want,” she joked as Cassian slammed his door shut. Nesta was a notoriously reckless driver. She hated driving unless she had to, and Cassian loved driving, so it usually worked out perfectly. 

He laughed. “I appreciate the offer, but I’d like to live.” 

The car got quiet as the laughter faded. It filled instead with an intimate intensity.

Cassian turned slightly to buckle his seatbelt. 

Nesta reached over and placed a hand on his cheek. Cassian inhaled sharply and lifted his gaze to meet hers. Her thumb caressed his cheek. 

“Cassian,” she whispered. She knew the look in her eyes said it all already, but it had said it for so long and she’d never once let her tongue speak it. But Cassian — brilliant, beautiful, splendid Cassian who had been hurt far too much by the world — deserved to hear them aloud. It scared her for too many reasons to count, but if ever there was anyone worth confronting that fear for, it was this man who sat next to her in all his marvelous glory. 

His eyes were open — vulnerable, in a way he always was with her. Sometimes she wondered whether she deserved to be allowed to handle his precious heart that too many had tried to shatter. What if she dropped it or dented it with her harshness? But he entrusted her with it anyway. 

She took a deep breath. Then, she let it out, alongside the words she’d been holding in for so long.

“I love you.”

Cassian’s eyes filled with tears. He opened his mouth to reply, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Not a single word escaped despite his attempts, but Nesta understood and just smiled, her eyes shining with joy. 

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to respond.”

Cassian looked frustrated at himself as a tear rolled down his cheek. “But I- I do. I-” He screwed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. 

Nesta knew that those three words were not ones Cassian had heard very much in his life. Shirina had likely been the first to say those words to him in his memory, and that hadn’t been til his teen years. Cassian’s mother had most likely loved him, but Cassian’s memories of her were sparse. 

Enalius certainly loved Cassian, but Nesta was just as certain that he would not say it out aloud. Enalius showed his love through his coaching, his cheering, and the letters he’d send from all over the world. 

Ayla, Rhysand, and Azriel also loved Cassian and weren’t shy about it these days, although none of them were particularly vocal about it either. They preferred to show it through gifts and hugs and jokes and advice. When they had met, however, they had all been preteens who wouldn’t have been caught dead saying the words ‘I love you’.

Cassian had certainly had flings and girlfriends in the past. Nesta didn’t know the details of all of his past relationships, but she could easily guess that those words had seldom or, more likely, never been exchanged.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You don’t need to say anything right now.” 

And then, just because she could — because she now had the freedom to say it without being caged by fear — she added, “I love you, Cassian.” 

Cassian answered with a kiss that said, ‘I love you more than words can ever express.’

__________

Present day

“I was such a mess,” Cassian recalled fondly. “Rhys and Az laughed at me for bawling so much.” 

“I remember Gwyn saying that she could take the trophy if it was making you so sad,” Nesta added. 

“Nah, I think I’ll keep it,” he laughed. Then, he added, “I love you.” 

“Are you talking to me or the trophy?” 

“Oh, the trophy, for sure.”

“Oh, good, just wanted to make sure.”

They grinned at each other.

“You have no idea how I felt when I saw you make that heart that day,” he said. “I mean, I was already elated because of the goal I’d just scored, but that couldn’t even compare to how I felt when I looked up at you. I think my heart literally skipped a beat.” 

“Better visit a cardiologist then,” Nesta answered lightly.

Cassian flicked her nose. She shrieked loudly in return.

“You know what you sound like?” Cassian tapped a photo in the middle, which was surrounded by doodles of musical notes.

Nesta mock-gasped. “Excuse you, I wasn’t that bad.”

“You’re right, you were worse.”

__________

Three years ago

“What’s that?” 

Nesta pointed towards a large, lumpy black bag resting against Cassian’s bedroom wall. 

“Oh, sorry, I was practicing earlier and forgot to put it away.” Cassian moved the bag to his closet. “It’s my guitar.”

Nesta placed her hand on Cassian’s wrist before he could shut the closet. 

“You play guitar?” 

“Yeah, it’s something I picked up when living with Shirina. I’m not a pro or anything, but it’s a fun hobby, you know.” 

“Wow, would you… could you play something for me?”  

Cassian seemed surprised but nodded, pulling the guitar back out of the closet. 

He sat down on the floor, his back resting against the bed. “What do you want me to play?”

Nesta sat down beside him. “Anything you want. Just play me something you enjoy playing.”

Cassian absently strummed the guitar a few times, deep in thought.

“Alright, sweetheart. Here we go. This song is called la rosa del principe.” Cassian closed his eyes and started playing. 

Nesta watched him with bright eyes, mesmerized. 

After a while, he started singing. His deep voice complemented the melody he was strumming. His singing was nice, but it was the passion in his voice that warmed Nesta’s insides. 

“Wow,” Nesta whispered when the song ended. 

Cassian chuckled. “Shirina loved that song. She’s the one that signed me up for some guitar lessons, you know. She taught me the lyrics to la rosa del principe when I told her I didn’t know them. She was always humming the melody when she was cooking or doing chores or whatever. I think it was a song her mom liked, so it reminded her of her childhood.”

“Does it remind you of your childhood?”

Cassian took a moment to contemplate his answer. “It reminds me of Shirina, and how kindly and lovingly she treated me. That wasn’t really a common theme in my childhood, you know, but I suppose you could say it reminds me of some of the best parts of my childhood.”

Nesta nudged his shoulder with hers comfortingly. He gently pushed back against her in a silent gesture of gratitude. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment. 

Then, Nesta pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered, “Could you teach me?” 

Cassian swallowed roughly and nodded. 

“The lyrics are kind of complicated, since it’s not in English, but I can just teach you the chorus for now if you want.”

“Sure,” she smiled.

Cassian spoke the lyrics slowly. Nesta tried to repeat after him, though she didn’t do the best job judging by Cassian’s chuckles. 

“Close. It’s tramonto, not tremare,” he corrected. 

“What do the lyrics mean?” Nesta asked. 

“The song is a love letter to a rose. It’s a metaphor for loving something so delicate and impermanent,” he explained. “The song is from the point of view of this guy who is so powerful — he’s a prince, he can travel across galaxies, he can do whatever he wants — but he feels so powerless because he knows he can’t control what happens to this rose that he loves. And even though he’s rich and powerful, he gets lonely a lot and his rose is his only companion so he dreads the thought of leaving it or having it disappear.”

“That sounds kind of tragic.”

“I guess so, but it’s not sad per se. It’s more like a reminder of the importance of love rather than materialistic things, and not taking your loved ones for granted.” 

He kissed her cheek. 

Nesta smiled. “That’s beautiful.”

Cassian hummed in agreement. “It’s such a Shirina song. She loved songs with morals like that, that remind you to appreciate what you have. She was so down-to-Earth, even though her husband was one of the richest, most powerful people around here. It’s…” He trailed off with a sigh. 

“I’m glad you met her,” Nesta said quietly after a moment. “She sounds like a great person and I’m so happy you had her in your life.”

“Yeah, me too.” He took a deep breath. “I wish you could’ve met her. I think… I think she would have loved you.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They sat quietly for a moment. Then, Cassian grinned mischievously. 

“Cas! What the fu-” yelped Nesta as he lifted her up. 

He placed her between his legs with a huff of laughter. She leaned back into him, her back pressing against his front. 

Cassian placed the guitar in her lap. 

“Alright, it’s time for you to learn how to play this magnificent instrument,” he declared. 

“Okay, but I’m just warning you, I don’t really have experience playing instruments.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m just here to help you learn some basics. Besides, you’re a dancer so you have some experience with rhymes and stuff. How bad could you be?”

Holding her hands in his, he demonstrated how to hold the guitar and how to strum a basic chord. 

“You got it!” Cassian cheered as Nesta played a C chord that didn’t sound half bad. 

“Ok, so then,” Cassian moved their hands to a different position. “Use your pointer finger to hold down this string. Good! Your middle finger holds this one and your ring finger holds this one.” 

He continued his explanation of different chords and strumming patterns. 

“So, basically, you just hold down different strings and strum up and down for different notes, right?” Nesta asked as he finished.

Cassian chuckled. “Basically, yeah.”

“Alright.” Nesta wiggled her hands free from Cassian’s grasp and took a dramatic deep breath. “It’s time. I’m going to play.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you going to play? I haven’t taught you how to play la rosa del principe yet.”

She shrugged. “I’m just going to let my imagination and inspiration guide me.” 

“Uh, I’m not sure that’s going to turn out-”

A jumbled chord cut him off. 

“Um-” 

What followed next was the most chaotic, screechy minute of guitar playing Cassian had ever heard. The torture likely would have continued for longer, since he didn’t have the heart to stop Nesta, if they hadn’t been interrupted by the Cassian’s bedroom door slamming open.

Azriel yelled, “Cassian! I think a cat is dying in your ro- oh, hey Nesta.”

“Hey Az!” she replied, beaming at Cassian’s roommate until she registered his words. “Wait, what? You think I sound like a dying cat?” 

Azriel took a step back, prepared to run away, as Nesta stood up and placed the guitar in Cassian’s lap. 

“Well, you know, uh, it’s good to practice and all, but we don’t want noise complaints from our neighbors, or allegations of animal abuse so…” Az smirked.

“Wha- animal- Get back here you little-” Nesta sprinted down the hallway, chasing after a cackling Azriel. 

Cassian was still sitting there, laughing, when the two of them ran back into the room. 

“Save me, Cass!” Azriel pleaded as he tried to hide behind his friend. 

Nesta smirked. “You really think you can use my boyfriend against me like this?”

“He was my friend first!” Azriel gripped his sleeve.

Nesta rolled her eyes. 

“Please Cassian,” she said in an airy voice. She looked up at him through her lashes and gently tugged on his sleeve. 

He followed her lead without even thinking, until Azriel muttered, “Traitor.”

“Hey, wait-” Cassian interjected, coming to his senses.

Nesta stuck her tongue out at Az. “He loves me.” 

Whatever Cassian could have said on Azriel’s behalf dissipated when her eyes softened as they met his. 

Even Azriel’s over-the-top gagging noises couldn’t ruin the moment as Nesta smiled at him and murmured, “Can you teach me how to play la rosa del principe later?” 

“We’ll see,” Cassian replied with a smile, knowing full well that he’d cave into her demands, no matter the cost to his ears.

__________

Present day

“I love that you wanted to learn how to play guitar for me.” Cassian’s eyes were warm and full of mirth. “Even if playing music isn’t exactly your strong suit.” 

Nesta placed a hand over her heart. “How dare you suggest such a thing.” 

Her stern demeanor gave way to playfulness as she winked, “I guess you’ll just have to sing and play music for me while I dance.”

“Exactly. You see, Nes, we complement each other perfectly.”

“A match made in heaven,” she agreed with a laugh. 

“Honestly, though, it meant a lot to me that you wanted to hear me play,” Cassian said when they stopped laughing, “and that you wanted to learn.”

“It meant a lot to me that you were willing to share such a personal song with me,” Nesta answered, “and that you were willing to be so open with me without prompting. It was like a sign, you know, that our relationship was actually real and meaningful to you, too. Of course I already knew that but, like, I guess it just hit home right then.” 

“Yeah, I know what you mean. In that moment, I also felt how easy it was to be open and talk about anything and everything with you.”

“You see?” Nesta winked, gesturing between them. “We’re made for each other.”

She glanced down at the pictures between them. 

“At least I don’t need to put up with Az insulting my musical talents anymore, now that you don’t live together.”

“Talents?” Cassian coughed. 

Nesta shot him a warning glare before continuing, “I’m so glad I don’t need to hear him complaining or interrupting us anymore. That was the real reason I asked you to live with me, you know — so I wouldn’t have to hear his whining.”

“Oh, I’m well aware,” he replied. He leaned closer to her. “It was all part of my plan, Sweetheart.”

__________

Two years ago

“Don’t mind me, I just need to get to the kettle.”

Nesta and Cassian sprung apart at Azriel’s words. 

Azriel, with a bored expression, walked past the couple into the kitchen and filled water in the kettle. 

Cassian hastily redid his fly, clearing his throat a few times. Nesta, blushing furiously, scrambled to hook her bra and do up the buttons on her shirt. 

Azriel turned back around, leaning back against the counter as he waited for the water to boil. He reached into his back pocket for his phone, but noticed Nesta’s expression and rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, Nesta, chill. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” 

Cassian furrowed his eyebrows. “What?” he growled. 

Azriel shook his head in exasperation. “How many times have I walked in on you two making out — hell, how many times have I walked in on you two fucking in common spaces? At this point, I’m immune to all this.” He waved his hand at Nesta’s half-open shirt and Cassian’s bare chest. 

Cassian slipped his shirt over his head. 

“Really?” Nesta asked, arching a perfectly angled eyebrow and tossing her hair over her shoulder. Cassian elbowed her and she giggled, buttoning up the rest of her shirt. 

“Az-” Cassian began, annoyance coloring his tone.

“No,” Azriel interrupted firmly. “If you don’t want me to walk in or interrupt you or whatever, go do whatever you want in your room. I’ve never once complained about the noise, even when I have to put up with your loud-ass moans and screams. But I have the right to make tea in my own house if I want to.” 

Cassian narrowed his eyes. His stance changed unconsciously, gearing up for a fight. He opened his mouth to deliver a biting retort. 

“You’re right, Az,” Nesta interjected before the situation could escalate any further. “We’re sorry.”

Azriel was silent, his eyes fixed on Cassian. The latter let Nesta pull him towards his bedroom. 

About a week later, Cassian and Nesta were once again interrupted. This time, Azriel crunched loudly on his popcorn as he walked into the living room.

Cassian sent him a questioning glare as Nesta scrambled to cover herself.

“What?” Azriel replied, unfazed. “I was gonna watch TV, but, well, it seems like there’s a show right here.”

“Look-”

“C’mon, Cass.” Nesta sprung up from the couch, dressed in Cassian’s shirt, and took her boyfriend’s hand. “I needed to talk to you about something, anyway.” She winked at him and whispered, “I got a little side-tracked and forgot.”

Cassian shot Az a dirty look as he exited the room. 

“Did you actually need to talk about something,” Cassian asked with a smile as he sat down on his bed and placed Nesta on his lap, “or did you just want to distract me?”

He leaned his forehead against hers. 

Nesta laughed lightly. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t always lie to manipulate you.” 

He widened his eyes in false disbelief. “Really?”

She shook her head with a grin. “Why would I when I can manipulate you just as well with the truth?”

“Ooh, you saucy witch,” Cassian joked.  

They both laughed.

Nesta pressed a hand to Cassian’s cheek to stop him as he leaned in to kiss her.

“I do actually want to talk about something.”

He leaned back and cocked his head. “What’s up?”

The twinkle in Nesta’s eyes dimmed.

“It’s my apartment.” She swallowed. “My landlord is raising the rent.” 

“Again?” he replied, alarmed. It had only been four months since the last time her rent had increased.

She nodded. “Yeah. And it’s not… I mean, it would be ridiculous for me to stay there, even if I managed to afford it. It’s definitely not worth the new rent.”

“So you want to move?” 

“Yeah.” 

Cassian seemed confused by her nervous tone. “Alright, well, don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll help you with all your stuff, and I know a guy with a moving truck. It’ll all be okay. We’ll find you a way better place to live.” 

He gave her an encouraging squeeze and smile that she didn’t return.

“Uh, well, um. Actually, I was wondering if…” Nesta rolled her lips.

Cassian frowned, concerned by Nesta’s hesitant tone.

“Could I- I mean, I already spend so much time at your place,” she continued, “and I stay here a lot and we- um. Since I have to get a new place…”

“Of course you can stay here while you look for a new place!” Cassian replied.

“Oh!” Nesta sounded surprised. “No, I- I mean, thank you. But, uh, that’s not really what I was gonna…” She shook her head, annoyed at her own incoherence. “That’s really sweet of you, Cass.”

Cassian gave her a long look, trying to decipher her thoughts. “Are you trying to find a place on this block? I can try to get the inside scoop if that’s what you were asking.”

“No, no, that’s not what I-” She took a deep breath and then looked into Cassian's eyes. “Would you want to live with me?”

Cassian blinked. “Oh! Oh, I-” He started to grin. Then, he blinked again, and his face fell. “Oh, uh, I…”

“It’s totally fine if not!” Nesta quickly backtracked. “I know you already signed this lease and stuff, and I can definitely just move-”

“No, it’s- I-” It was Cassian’s turn to take a deep breath. “Nesta, I would love to live with you and I’m honored that you asked me and I’m- I’m so, so happy that you want to live with me. But, well, I just don’t know if it will work out, considering.” He shot a glance towards the door. 

Nesta got up from Cassian’s lap. “Oh.” She looked away from him as she gathered her clothes off the floor, trying to disguise her hurt. “Um, okay. Yeah. I get it.” Her thoughts spiraled as she changed out of Cassian’s shirt.

“Nes! Nesta, I…” Cassian seemed to be at a loss for words. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah,” she replied half-heartedly after a beat. 

“Nes, I just…” he sounded frustrated. “You know how things have been lately, with Az. As much as I… I don’t think it’s realistic to think that he’d be okay with it, and of course I’d talk to him beforehand but, like, it is his place too and…”

She gave a noncommittal hum in reply.

The room was drenched in tense silence.

“Can you just be honest?” Nesta said finally, puncturing the tension. “If you don’t want to move in with me, just say it. I understand you’re renting this place with Az, but he isn’t unreasonable. We both know that if you talked about it, he’d be cool with it. Maybe he’d ask you to wait for a bit, until the end of this lease or whatever, but he wouldn’t stop you. So just tell me why you don’t want to live with me, because I- I thought we were… that this was…”

“I am being honest,” Cassian frowned. 

She gave an irritated sigh. 

“No, really, I am,” he insisted. “You were there with me in the living room, weren’t you? Didn’t you see how pissed he was? I guess maybe it wasn’t- Az isn’t the type to yell or anything. That quiet, passive-aggressive type shit is how he expresses his annoyance.”

“So?” Nesta bit back. “If anything, I would have thought he’d be glad if we weren’t here as often.”

“Exactly! I don’t think we should spend more time here.”

Nesta paused. “What?”

“I know you and Az do get along,” he said, “but I really don’t think he’d be fine with you moving in here.”

“Here? Wait, you thought- Oh. Oh!” Nesta brightened visibly.

“What?” Cassian seemed bewildered by her sudden change in mood. 

“Cassian, I wasn’t asking to move in here,” she laughed. “I was asking you to move in with me at a new place we’ll find together.”

Cassian’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh! Yes, of course, I’d love that! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I thought- but- yes!”

Nesta grinned. “I should’ve been clearer, sorry about that.”

“No, no, it’s on me.” His face slowly spread into a grin. “Guess we’ll have to work on communicating better if we’re gonna live together, huh?”

“I guess so,” she beamed.

Nesta embraced Cassian tightly. 

“We’re living together!” she whispered excitedly.

He hugged her back. “Yes, we are,” he replied just as thrilled.

__________

Present day

“I can’t believe we were so stupid,” Nesta laughed.

“I know right?” Cassian looked down at the photo once more. “No, but seriously, I was so elated when we moved into this place.”

Nesta smiled fondly. “Yeah, me too. I smiled for, like, 48 hours straight, even though we had to carry all those boxes and,” she paused dramatically, “unpack.” She shuddered. 

“Ah, yes, unpacking — the harshest of struggles.”

“I’m so glad you understand.”

“Oh, no, I don’t mind unpacking, but well,” Cassian ran a hand through his hair suavely, “some people are just built different.”

Nesta flipped him off playfully.

“Aw, sweetheart, don’t be jealous,” he replied consolingly, “I have my own weaknesses. Like, I hate packing.”

She huffed. “Cass-”

“What? Oh, c’mon, what’s the point of my trauma if I can’t joke about it?” 

She shook her head with a chuckle. “So you’re saying that all that trauma was just character development so you could increase your humor stats?”

Cassian pointed finger guns at her. “Cha-ching! Now you get it.” 

Nesta laughed. 

She looked around, still awed by the beautiful display Cassian had set up for her. She picked up a rose petal and admired its color and scent. As she fiddled with it, she was suddenly struck by a thought. 

“Where are Ara and Lina?” 

“They’re with Em,” Cassian said reassuringly. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean all this stuff up before they get back.”

“Oh, they love being at Emerie’s place. They get along so well with Siph, it’s crazy.” Nesta paused, struck by another thought. “Wait, but why did you ask her to watch them? I mean, why did you organize this whole-”

“Remember when we got them?” Cassian interrupted, pointing to another polaroid. “They used to be so tiny! It’s crazy how much they’ve grown.”

Nesta cocked her head, confused by Cassian ignoring her question. Before she could continue her line of questioning, however, her eyes landed on the photo he was indicating and she got sidetracked. 

“Oh my gosh, yeah,” she breathed as she reminisced. “I can’t believe we thought we were going to walk into the shelter without adopting a pet.”

“I can’t believe we told the landlord that we didn’t care about the pet policy because we were never going to get one,” he answered. 

“We’re so lucky we accidentally got an apartment that allows pets,” she agreed. 

“I’ll never forget the look on Cresseida’s face when we told her,” Cassian added. 

She replied, “She made sure we’d never forget. She was saying ‘I told you so’ for months.”

__________

One year ago

 “We’ll stop by for a bit, but we’re not adopting any pets,” Nesta repeated for the fifth time in the past ten minutes.

“Okay,” Cresseida answered with a knowing smirk, “but it’s also okay if you change your mind.”

Cresseida, Emerie’s girlfriend, ran a pet shelter with her best friend, Nuala. She had invited all of Emerie’s friends to stop by anytime, saying that she and the animals enjoyed having company. 

Nesta and Cassian had resisted at first, since they weren’t looking for pets and, in Nesta’s words, “weren’t the pet type”. Neither of them had ever owned a pet before. While they respected people who loved their pets, they also enjoyed making fun of those who dressed up in matching outfits with their pets for Halloween and talked about their pets as though they were their children. Also, while Nesta didn’t dislike animals per se, she also didn’t like them enough to feel any desire to live with one 24/7, let alone take care of one. Cassian liked animals well enough but he’d had some bad experiences with stray dogs when he was a kid. When they visited friends who owned big dogs who would greet visitors by pouncing on them or barking excitedly, Cassian would always plaster a fake smile on his face, but she’d feel him flinch.  

However, when Emerie used her puppy-dog eyes and pleaded with Nesta to just go once to support her girlfriend’s work, she’d caved and agreed to visit. Cassian and Gwyn — both of whom had yet to visit the shelter — came along with her, saying they should all just get it over with together. 

“This side of the shelter has dogs,” Cresseida said as they walked in, “and this side has cats. There are also some other animals in the back section. Feel free to walk around and ask me if you have any questions. Right now, most of the animals are in their individual kennels and the kennel doors are locked but let me know if you want to play with any of them.” 

“Alright, thanks,” Nesta replied.

She and Cassian shared a look. Both of them wanted to humor Cresseida, who was a great person and also the best girlfriend Emerie had (at least in Nesta’s opinion), but they both knew they wouldn’t be interested in any animals. They would just wander around the shelter until an appropriate amount of time had passed and they could politely leave. 

“Ooh, a kitten!” Gwyn exclaimed, grabbing Nesta’s hand and pulling her into the cat section.

Meanwhile, Cassian followed Cresseida into a different area.

 “Oh my gosh, this baby is only 12 weeks old,” Gwyn cooed at the striped tabby cat. “Isn’t she adorable?”

“She is cute,” Nesta admitted, but Gwyn had already moved on.

“Wow, this cat has the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen! Oh, and look at this one! Do you see the face he’s making?”

Nesta laughed and followed her friend, nodding along to Gwyn’s excited commentary. 

Finally, Gwyn came to a halt with a gasp. She kneeled down wordlessly in front of an orange kitten, who blinked back at her sleepily. Nesta kneeled down next to Gwyn. She looked at the kennel in front of her. A jet-black cat was at the other corner of the kennel, hissing and growling at the young boy who was trying to attract its attention. His mother pulled him away just as the cat attempted to scratch the child through the glass. 

“Crazy feral cat,” Nesta heard the mother grumble under her breath as they walked away. 

Nesta raised an eyebrow at the cat, who regarded her with an equally judgemental expression. Nesta took a step closer to the glass. The cat did the same. 

She tuned out Gwyn mumbling something. Instead, she turned her focus to the tag on the kennel.

“Oh, wow, you still don’t have a name even though you’re eight months old, huh,” Nesta said. She had always thought it was a bit silly how pet owners talked to animals as though they could really answer, but now she found it to be the most natural thing in the world. Especially when the cat meowed in response.

Nesta cocked her head. The cat studied her for a few seconds. It stared intensely with its yellow eyes. Then, it tilted its head, copying her. 

She couldn’t help but melt. How was it possible that such a sweet cat had yet to find a home?

“Nesta! There you are!” 

Nesta jolted as Cresseida’s voice interrupted her thoughts. 

“I see you found little Miss Onyx over here,” Cresseida smiled. “I’ve never seen her be so friendly with any customers before.”

“Is her name Onyx, then?”

“Oh, no. We have tried to name her before, but she seems to hate every name we’ve tried, so we kind of gave up,” Cresseida explained. “We couldn’t keep calling her ‘the unnamed black cat’, though, so now we just refer to her by black object names.” Cresseida turned towards the cat. “Isn’t that right, Blackberry?” 

The cat hissed and retreated to the corner of her kennel closest to Nesta. 

Cresseida laughed. “See?” Then, she sent Nesta a knowing glance. “She seems to adore you.”

Nesta glanced back at the cat, who was now sitting with a paw on the glass.

“She is very cute,” she admitted. 

“She is,” Cresseida agreed. “Sadly, she’s fierce enough that she scares away most customers.”

“It’s like she’s made for Nesta!” Gwyn piped up. “I mean, look at her spunky attitude, her fierceness, her witchy vibes — since, you know, she’s a black cat.”

“I don’t have witchy vibes,” Nesta muttered.

Gwyn ignored her. “Not to mention, she’s right next to Mer,” she pointed to the orange cat, “who is my soulmate cat so our cats are destined to be best friends, just like us!”

“Wow, I didn’t- I haven’t said I’m adopting her yet,” Nesta protested.

“Yet,” Gwyn repeated, wiggling her eyebrows playfully.

Cresseida laughed. “Well, let me know if you are seriously interested in adopting Miss Obsidian. There’s a few things you would need to keep in mind for her that we should talk about.”

Nesta nodded.

“What about Mer?” Gwyn asked. “Any special care she needs that I should know about?”

“Not really. We did have her on a special diet for a bit because she was slightly malnourished when we found her but she’s at a healthy weight now.”

Nesta walked away as Gwyn and Cresseida continued their animated discussion. How was she going to convince Cassian to adopt a cat? Actually, Nesta knew that wouldn’t be an issue — Cassian would surely jump at any opportunity to make her happy. The real question was how she was going to put aside her pride and admit that she wanted to adopt the cat. She would also have to see if Cassian wanted to adopt the cat, too, and not just for her sake. It would be unfair to both Cassian and the cat to bring her into a home where only one person truly loved her. Not that Cassian wouldn’t be kind to the cat, regardless — it was just that Nesta wanted Cassian to adopt the cat because it made him happy, instead of doing it for Nesta’s sake. 

Nesta was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she walked right into someone. 

“Excuse me,” Nesta apologized. The man turned around.

“You’re excused, Nes,” Cassian replied with a wink. 

“Oh, fuck you,” she groaned, holding back a smile. 

“I know I’m hot, but you’re gonna have to wait til we get home.” 

She replied with a soft punch to his shoulder. Cassian fell to the floor dramatically. 

A bark sounded from the kennel right in front of Cassian. Nesta quickly examined Cassian for any signs of fear, but he wasn’t flinching. Instead, he tugged gently on her arm. 

“Nes,” he said with a grin as she sat down beside him, “Let me introduce you to my new friend, Lina.” 

Nesta turned to find a large golden retriever wagging her tail energetically. She was beautiful and friendly, but she also definitely weighed more than twenty kilograms and had a full set of sharp teeth. In short, she was exactly the type of dog that Cassian would usually be uncomfortable around. 

Yet, here he was, saying, “Look, I know we agreed that we were just looking around and we weren’t going to adopt any pets but look at her! Her cute paws, that gorgeous fur, and those eyes! And she’s so happy to see me! Doesn’t it just make you want to keep her forever?”

His expression said it all: he’d fallen completely in love with this dog. 

“Cassian…” 

His expression dropped. “I know taking care of a pet is a lot of work. If we did adopt her, I would walk her and figure out her food and vet stuff, but she would be living with both of us, so I would never want to adopt her if you weren’t completely on board. And having a pet would affect our lifestyle and our day-to-day lives a lot, so I understand if you’d rather not adopt her.”

“Do you want to adopt her?” Nesta blurted out. 

Cassian looked confused. 

“I mean, she’s obviously a beautiful and friendly dog, but she’s in a kennel right now,” Nesta explained. “If we adopt her, she could jump on you or bite you or scratch you. Won’t you be on edge having a dog in our apartment all the time, even if you’re tired or having a rough day?” 

“All the other dogs I’ve met make me nervous, either when they bark or pant or just by being close to me. They remind me of rough times in my childhood, when I was scared and in danger. But for some reason, Lina is different. I don’t get any of that fear or anxiety around her. In fact, it’s the opposite. She makes me feel relaxed and happy. I think she actually makes me feel safe.” Cassian ran a hand through his hair. “Weird, huh?”

Nesta smiled. “I’m glad you found her. I still want you to take her for a walk before we sign anything if we’re going to adopt her.”

“Wait, but- We don’t need to adopt her just because I want to. If you don’t want a pet, you shouldn’t agree just for my sake,” he added hurriedly. Still, Nesta could see the corners of his mouth tilting up. 

“Yes, I want to adopt her! And,” Nesta continued, seeing Cassian opening his mouth to argue, “do you really think that I would ever agree to something I didn’t want to do, just for someone else’s sake?”

“Yeah, I do. I know you’re a big softie,” Cassian teased. 

She laughed. “Well, trust me, I do want to adopt a pet.”

“Of course she wants to!” Gwyn interjected, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. “You should have seen her with that cat. It was like she’d found her twin flame! No offense, Cassian.”

“Wait, what cat?” he replied, befuddled. 

Nesta attempted to wave him off. “It’s nothing-”

“It’s not nothing!” Gwyn interrupted animatedly. “It’s her cat soulmate! A little ball of anger and adorable-ness, just like our little Nesta here.”

Nesta sent her friend a flat look. “Thanks a lot for that description.”

Gwyn just shrugged. “What? You know I’m right.” 

“Where can I find this cat?” Cassian asked. 

Gwyn pointed him in the right direction, telling him about all the ways in which the cat represented Nesta while pointedly ignoring Nesta’s calls of “No, it’s fine” and “You don’t need to go look at the cat” and “I don’t have spooky evil vibes!”. 

“Aww, look at her,” Cassian smiled as he crouched in front of the black cat’s kennel. 

The cat hissed in return.  

“You’re so beautiful, aren’t you? Yes, you are! Good girl!” cooed Cassian. 

The cat abruptly stopped hissing. She stared at him unblinkingly before purring quietly.

Gwyn erupted with laughter. “Wow, she really is just like Nesta, huh? Everything down to the praise ki-”

Her words were cut off as Nesta covered Gwyn’s mouth with her hand. 

“What the fuck, Gwyn! She’s a cat! That’s disgusting,” Nesta hissed in her ear. 

Gwyn licked Nesta’s palm, and used the moment Nesta recoiled as a distraction to pull her hand off. 

“I just tell it how I see it,” Gwyn declared. “And I have never once been disgusting.”

“Oh really?” Nesta replied, bringing the hand Gwyn had licked close to Gwyn’s face. 

Gwyn screeched and ran down to hide behind Cassian.

Cassian remained focused on the cat. “Oh, you’re such a sweetheart. What’s your name, baby?”

“She doesn’t have a name yet,” Nesta supplied, before bringing her licked hand around Cassian to reach for Gwyn. The redhead let out another shriek and ran. 

Nesta could see the moment Cassian melted. His posture seemed to go soft as his expression turned even more tender. 

“You don’t have a name yet, huh?” he murmured. “I guess you need a family to give you a name and a home and some love.”

She placed her non-licked hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. She didn’t need to ask to know that he was thinking of his own childhood — when he’d needed a home and a family, too. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Cassian whispered, “me and your mom are going to give you so much love.”

“Cass, are you sure?” she questioned gently. She ignored how it made her feel to hear him refer to her as ‘mom’. There was too much to unpack there, and she would save it for later, after they’d finished making important decisions. 

“Look at her, Nes,” he replied. “It’s like she was made for us.”

Nesta knew it was more than just about the resemblances between her and the cat that Gwyn had pointed out. It was about how this cat hissed and growled at strangers, putting her guard up, but really was just a sweet kitten who needed some love. Both of them could relate to putting on a tough face to hide how vulnerable and hurt they really were. She knew Cassian was thinking that this cat would be a perfect addition to their lives.

“But what about Lina?” Nesta insisted. 

“You love this cat. Don’t try to deny it, I can tell.”

“That’s not an answer.” 

“I think,” Cassian said carefully, “we both love this cat and we should adopt her.”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “And what are we doing about the fact that we both love Lina?” 

This wasn’t just about the animals, and they both knew that. 

It wasn’t that Nesta didn’t think Cassian wanted to adopt the cat — she knew he really, truly did. But she also knew that he wanted to adopt Lina. She wouldn’t let him give up on his wishes and always put her needs above his. While she appreciated the sentiment, she also knew he had a tendency to discount his own desires. She needed him to know that what he wanted mattered just as much.

Cassian let out a big breath like a deflating mattress, the fight going out of him. 

“I love Lina, I do. And I know it’s so special that I feel so safe around her — around a big dog with sharp teeth. But Nes,” his voice took on a different tone, “at the end of the day, she’s a friendly golden retriever. I’m sure a million families with white picket fences are lining up to adopt her. And this cat… I mean, she doesn’t even have a name.” 

His Adam's apple bobbed.

“I know we could love either of them, and they’d be incredible. But at least with Lina, I know she’ll find someone else to take care of her. I don’t know if this cat will find that, and she’s too…” Cassian paused to search for a word. His nose scrunched in frustration as his vocabulary failed him. “She’s too precious for me to take that chance.” 

He needed his kitten to find a home. He couldn’t risk her never finding a family — not when he had so much love he could give her. 

Nesta contemplated silently. 

“Okay,” she finally said, her eyes piercing through him as though she intended to read his heart. “If you’re sure that’s what you want to do, we’ll get this cat.”

Cassian smiled. “Look at us, being real adults. Can you believe we’re going to be parenting this cutie?”

“Parenting,” repeated Nesta with a snort. “Don’t say it like that. It sounds like we’re having a baby or something. People are going to think I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my god, you’re pregnant?” Gwyn exclaimed, reappearing next to Nesta from wherever she’d run off to. She had clearly only caught the tail end of Nesta’s sentence. 

“Wow, I’m so excited to be an aunt! Do you know the sex yet? Wait, how far along do you need to be to know that? How many months are you, by the way?” Gwyn spoke too rapidly for anyone to get a word in. “I had no idea about this! How have you been hiding the morning sickness? Or does everyone know about this already? Oh, gosh, this is so exciting!” 

Nesta stayed silent, trying to hold in her smile. Cassian just looked bewildered. 

Gwyn gave Nesta a light hug. “Oh, wow, this is crazy! Am I the first one to know? Wait, is it ok if I tell people? You can tell me if it’s still a secret, don’t worry.” 

Cassian blinked. “No, that’s-”

“Oh, perfect!” Gwyn squealed. She reached over to hug Cassian, too. “Oh, I can’t wait to tell Emerie! Oh my god, and Az! His reaction is going to be insane!” 

She practically skipped down the hallway, her fingers already tapping away on her phone.

Cassian raised an eyebrow at Nesta. “What just happened?”

Nesta finally let out a laugh. “Just Gwyn being Gwyn, I suppose.”

“You don’t mind?”

“I’m actually curious to see how far this goes.” She leaned forward, pressing her side against him. “Do you think they’ll throw me a surprise baby shower?”

“Rhys is going to be so pissed I’m having a baby before him,” Cassian grinned. “It’ll be hilarious.”

“We could tell them we’re having a daughter,” Nesta added, jerking her head towards the kitten.

Cassian laughed. He stood up and stretched out his body, likely feeling a slight ache because he’d been crouching for several minutes. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “This is why I love you, you mastermind.”

His lips brought with them a wave of warmth that spread through her veins.

“Time to go tell Cresseida that we are going to adopt a pet after all,” Nesta chirped. 

Cassian groaned. “How about you go tell her, since you’re the one who was looking at this cat first,” he suggested.

“But you made the final decision,” she countered. 

“Well, no, I,” Cassian wracked his brain to find an excuse, “I think you would, uh, be better at filling out the paperwork.”

“Hmm,” Nesta tapped a finger to her chin and pretended to consider his offer, “How about… you do it?”

They were saved from their squabble when Gwyn reappeared with Cresseida in tow.

“So, can I take Mer home with me today or should I set up my place to be cat-ready first?” Gwyn was saying. 

“Ah, Cresseida! Just the person we were looking for!” Cassian interjected. “Nesta wanted to ask you something.”

Nesta sent him a frigid side eye that would have sent anyone else running for the hills, but only made Cassian grin. 

“We were thinking about adopting her,” Nesta said, pointing at the cat in question, “and were wondering what we need to do to make that happen? Is there just paperwork or something else we need to do?”

Cresseida’s expression changed completely. “I knew you would all walk out of here with pets!” she exclaimed triumphantly. Then she sobered slightly. “I’m so glad you’re interested in this cat, but like I mentioned earlier, there is something you should know.” 

Nesta nodded sharply. The anticipation and anxiety started to creep up on her. Was the cat sick? Or disabled in some way? Perhaps she and Cassian, as first time pet owners, weren’t equipped to give her the care she needed. 

“When we found her, she was only about two months old,” Cresseida explained. “We’re not quite sure what happened to her mother, since she didn’t seem to be with her family. But she had already bonded to another animal. They’re still quite close. Even though they’re generally kept in separate kennels, we usually let them play with each other once or twice a day, or she’ll start to get antsy. If at all possible, it would be best not to separate them. It may be possible for her to get used to living without her bonded friend, especially if she’s in an environment where she’s well-loved and taken care of, but it would be very difficult on both of them. So if you would consider adopting both of them, that would really be for the best.”

“Like, another cat?” Nesta inquired.

“It’s not Mer, is it?” Gwyn asked, looking worried. “If it is, I guess I’m going to have to move in with Nesta and Cassian.” Her face suddenly brightened. “I can be like a live-in nanny!”

“No, it’s not Mer,” Cresseida replied, “and it’s actually not another cat. It’s quite a unique situation. We’re still not sure how these two found each other and came to be bonded, but the other animal is actually a dog.”

“Oh.” Nesta felt her heart sink. She would hate to separate the cat from the one other animal that had been with her since she was a baby, but she also couldn’t adopt a dog. She wouldn’t allow Cassian to feel unsafe in his own home. 

“We could adopt both-” Cassian began, just as she knew he would.

“No,” she cut in. She didn’t care if it made her seem like the villain in Cresseida’s eyes. “I’m sorry, we can’t.”

Her eyes shifted to the kitten once more. The cat truly was adorable. Nesta would miss her tremendously, even though they’d only just met. Still, she couldn’t separate her from the friend who’d become her family. She would have to let her go. It hurt, but she knew it was for the best.

“I don’t think we’ll adopt her after all,” Nesta said. Though she had once prided herself on hiding her true emotions from the world, she could tell that both Gwyn and Cassian instantly read the meaning behind her aloof tone. 

“Yeah, you’re right, that’s probably the right decision,” Gwyn supplied. “Adopting pets and having a baby at the same time would be really hard.”

Cassian kept silent. She knew he was itching to deny it, to demand that she adopt the cat anyway, his feelings be damned. She was glad that he knew her well enough that she would not be swayed, and that his well-being mattered more to her than anything else. 

Cresseida sighed, disappointed. “I understand,” she said, resigned. “Dogs aren’t for everyone, especially if you have a lot on your plate. This dog really is the sweetest, although if you are allergic, a golden retriever wouldn’t be the right breed.”

“Hold on, did you say a golden retriever?” Cassian interjected. “You’re not talking about Lina, are you?”

Cresseida looked surprised. “I am, actually. I assume you’ve already made her acquaintance, then?”

“Wait, you’re saying we can adopt both Lina and this cat? And they wouldn’t fight or hurt each other?” Cassian repeated, as though he couldn’t believe his ears. It sounded too good to be true.

“They do play-fight occasionally, but no, they don’t hurt each other and they get along great. But, I understand that you can’t adopt a dog,” Cresseida answered, slightly confused. 

Cassian turned to Nesta. 

“Did you hear that, Nes? We can adopt them both.” 

He was beaming. 

“They’re so perfect,” he repeated as they brought Lina and the cat home a week later, after they’d made all the necessary preparations. “It’s like we were made to find them.”

She felt like she was floating, swept up by the exuberance in his eyes.

When she watched the kitten curl up in Cassian’s lap while Lina sat beside them, a paw resting against the cat’s back, she couldn’t find a name for the feeling that bubbled up inside her. The only viable contenders — love and contentment — seemed too small to capture it all.

When Cassian later asked her what she wanted to name the cat, she looked at the life they’d built together — the bookshelves lined with hockey history books and romance novels, the kitchen counter where Cassian’s favorite chocolate lay beside her mountainous tea collection, the polaroid pictures of them stuck to the fridge with magnets, and the pets filling their home with affection — and replied, “Ataraxia.”

Peace. 

__________

Present day

“I can’t even bring Ara and Lina around Cresseida anymore,” Cassian grumbled. “She always just talks about how incredible it was that we actually believed we’d leave her shelter without a pet.”

“She’s a menace,” Nesta agreed, though her words lacked any real bite. 

They both adored Cresseida, and were delighted at how happy she made Emerie. It was only that Cresseida shared their friend group’s penchant for teasing their friend mercilessly. 

“Her cooking is amazing though, so she makes up for it,” Nesta continued. “I had no idea vegan food could taste that good until I met her.”

“Speaking of cooking…” Cassian pointed to the last photo. It was labeled ‘cooking breakfast’.

Nesta leaned in closer to inspect the image. “When was this?”

“What? You don’t remember?” Cassian gasped in mock offense.

Then, he took her hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll remind you.”

__________

Three months ago

Cassian awoke to the birds chirping and the smell of pancakes permeating the air. He rolled over in bed, reaching out for Nesta, only to find her side of the bed empty. 

He let out a small sigh. 

It was a Saturday morning, and his favorite thing to do on weekends when they didn’t have anything planned was to spend lazy mornings in bed with her. During the week, both of them were too busy to linger in bed. Snoozing their alarms once was the extent of their indulgence. 

But on weekends, Cassian liked to savor the feeling of Nesta lying beside him. He would lay in silence, taking it all in — the blankets warmed by their body heat, the way Nesta’s hair glowed in the morning light, the gentle pressuring of her body laying against his. Eyes half-open, he would breathe deeply and allow the peaceful contentment to fill his lungs. When Nesta woke up, there would be time for slow kisses, quiet conversations, and tender lovemaking. Their room would fill with soft but unbound laughter and playful quips. Later, they would make their way to the kitchen. One of them (usually Cassian) would cook brunch while the other did the dishes, swept the floor, or started a load of laundry. 

This morning, it seemed that Nesta had broken their usual routine. 

As Cassian rolled out of bed, his eyes caught the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was 10:05 am, far later than he usually woke up on weekends. Cassian was almost always the first to wake, generally around 8 or 9 am, and he’d lay patiently until Nesta gained consciousness around 9:30. 

Clearly, he’d been exhausted last night. It had been a long day of training, and then they’d gone out for dinner with his friends. After coming home, he and Nesta had watched a movie and then spent an hour tussling in their sheets. He’d fallen asleep as soon as he closed his eyes. 

Cassian pulled on a pair of dark jeans and strolled out of the bedroom without bothering to find a shirt. 

He found Nesta at the stove, flipping a pancake. She looked ethereal with her long hair down and shimmering in the light that flowed through the window. 

“Morning, Nes,” he said after taking a moment to appreciate the view. 

Nesta’s long legs were bare. She was dressed only in his striped button-up shirt which ended right below her butt. As she turned towards him, he could see that she hadn’t bothered to do up all the buttons on his shirt. The V dipped deep enough that, had she been wearing a bra, lacy bits would have peeked out, but she’d clearly thrown the shirt on without it. Was she wearing any underwear?

She sent him a small smile in greeting. 

“Can’t believe you didn’t bother to wake me up,” he teased as he pulled one of the hair ties off his wrist and put his probably messy hair into a neat bun. 

“Well, it seems like I tired you out last night and you clearly needed your beauty sleep,” she shot back. 

“Are you trying to imply that I didn’t tire you out?” 

She shot him a smirk. “Well, I was up first, wasn’t I?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, even as he held back a smile. He loved this easy back-and-forth, joking banter. “I’ll have to remedy that tonight,” he declared. 

“Aww, did I bruise your little ego?” 

She moved the pancake to a plate, and poured more batter into the pan. 

“There’s nothing little about me,” he joked before walking up behind her and gently wrapping his arms around her. He was careful to steer clear of her arms, so that they wouldn’t accidentally touch the pan or the stove and get burned. 

He rested his head in the crook of her neck. “I missed you this morning,” he whispered. 

“Couldn’t survive a few minutes without me?” she answered. He couldn’t see her face, but he could hear her smile in the warmth of her tone. 

“You know I’d be lost without you,” he answered. His tone was light and humorous, but his words were no less sincere.

She let out a small, fond chuckle. “Good thing I was only making breakfast then.”

He inhaled deeply. The smell of her vanilla and jasmine conditioner mixed with the sandalwood scent that lingered on his shirt. His neck was at a slightly awkward angle, bent down to accommodate Nesta’s forward-leaning posture as she cooked, but Cassian knew he’d be happy standing like this forever. 

He stayed there for a few minutes, until Nesta stilled in his arms. He knew she needed to move in order to put the pancake on a plate and couldn’t do so with Cassian wrapped around her, but she also didn’t want him to let go. 

He waited for a heartbeat, then gave her a slight squeeze before unwinding his arms. Before pulling away completely, he pressed a light kiss to the back of her neck.

Then, he walked over to the utensil drawer to start setting the table. 

When he sat down, his eyes flickered to Nesta’s figure, waiting for her to join him. He was itching to serve himself one of the pancakes in the middle of the table and bite into deliciousness. They smelled absolutely incredible. 

However, Nesta walked over with the pan still in her hand. She plopped the pancake from her pan straight onto his plate. Unlike the other pancakes, it wasn’t shaped like a circle.

“It was misshapen, so it reminded me of your face,” she quipped as she sat down after putting her pan in the sink. 

“Very funny.” He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop his smile. The pancake was shaped like a perfect heart. 

As they dug into their food, Cassian felt the domesticity seep into him. He knew how the rest of the day would likely go. They’d wash up together, and then Cassian would head out for a run with Lina while Nesta curled up on the couch with a book. He’d come home and shower, then make her a cup of tea. Later, they’d change the bedsheets, make a list of the groceries they needed to pick up, and chat, before watching a movie or ordering takeout. They’d end up having sex on the couch or in the shower — anywhere but on their freshly changed sheets — and then fall asleep curled around each other with Cassian’s arm slung over Nesta’s waist. 

Their lives had fallen into a routine. And Cassian loved it. This peaceful life they’d built together could never be boring — not when they always filled it with so much playfulness and their jobs were filled with drama by necessity. The regularity was a blessing, not a curse. When Cassian walked through the doors to this apartment, he felt the tension of the outside world fade away. He felt at home.

He loved the life they had created together, and couldn’t imagine anything better than having mornings like this one for the rest of his life. 

The thought should have shocked him, but it did not. He’d known for a long time that this was coming, but it was only now that it had fully sunk in.

He looked across the table at Nesta and caught her eye.

“What?” she asked with a grin.

He reached over and laced his pinky with hers. 

“Nothing.” He smiled. “I love you.”

She shook her head fondly at his cheesiness, but still replied, “I love you.” 

He wanted to declare his love for her in front of the whole world, and then spend the rest of his life with her. He couldn’t think of a better way to spend his life than dedicating it to loving her. 

That day, he started researching rings. 

__________

Present day

“I love you,” said Cassian. His eyes shone brightly. “I love all the moments we’ve spent together and the memories we’ve made.”

He walked around the table where the pictures lay and grasped her hands. 

“I do too.” Nesta, although still confused by their impromptu outpour of emotion, was always eager to remind Cassian of just how much she adored him. “I love you so much.”

Cassian smiled. She could see that a million thoughts were swirling in his mind, but he took a breath to focus himself.

“I love you,” he said once more, as though he couldn’t help himself, just like he had after he’d first said the words. He’d been like a child who’d never been allowed sweets who had just been given a box of chocolates — he marveled at the fact that he had love in his grasp and he gorged himself on it, basking in the delight that he could say the words whenever he wished. 

“Every minute, every second I get to spend with you is precious to me,” he continued. “Whether we’re at a party, a restaurant, a vacation, a match, or doing chores at home, every moment with you turns to gold. You made my life so beautiful and meaningful and happy, Nesta, in a way I never even imagined was possible. Even in the harshest moments, I know I’ll be okay because I get to come home to you every night. You’ve helped me learn how to live, not just survive. Because of you, I can love openly. Because of you, I can be myself without worrying that I’m too much. Because of you, I can let myself feel joy, instead of constantly worrying that it’s going to be ripped away from me. I can only hope that I can make you half as happy as you make me.”

“You make me happier than I ever thought possible,” Nesta answered. She was certain there were tears in her eyes, but she couldn’t bring herself to mind. There were so many things that she could say — how the world had appeared cold and cruel, just like her reflection in the mirror, until she’d seen it all through his eyes. She would never stop being inspired by him — how was it possible for him to be so kind when the world had been so awful to him? How was it that he got wholeheartedly excited when it snowed, despite knowing the stinging pain of a cold night on the streets? His joy was infectious, and now she couldn’t help but admire the beauty in every little thing — children skipping down the sidewalk, the leaves changing color, and the birds chirping in the morning. 

Yet, she couldn’t find the words. How could she express the magnitude of her emotions for him, and just how much he’d changed her life? All she could do was look at him. 

He squeezed her hands gently and she knew he understood.

“You’ve made me a better man.” His voice was slightly raspy as emotion clogged his throat. “My life is so much fuller with you in it. We’ve made so many beautiful memories,” he said, gesturing to the pictures with one hand, “and I want to dedicate the rest of my life to making more. It would be the greatest honor to spend my life by your side. I want to fill that table with a million — a billion — more memories.”

“So, Nesta Archeron,” He released her hands. She blinked in surprise and found him kneeling before her, a small box open in his hands with something sparkling inside. “Will you marry me?”

Her gaze had gotten blurred with tears, but she blinked them away now. 

Cassian cut a stunning figure as he looked up at her, rose petals and candles glowing around him. His outfit flattered his body — the wine-red shirt showed off his muscular arms without being too tight and contrasted his skin tone well, bringing attention to his soft blush and curved lips to highlight his joy. His long hair was as glorious as usual, half of it pulled into a bun. 

Still, it was the look in his eyes that caught her attention. His beautiful hazel eyes, framed by his long, dark lashes, sparkled not only with love and joy, but also with breathtaking certainty. Unlike during that bookstore date so long ago, Cassian was secure in their love. She could see in his eyes that, even if she said no, he would not doubt their relationship for a moment. 

But of course, there was only one answer she would give to this wondrous man. He had come into her life like a fire, warming her and brightening her life in innumerable ways. 

“Yes.”

__________

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#nessian #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #acotar #acosf #tw homelessness #tw mentions of abuse #tw mention of death #this is critical of rhysand and doesn't portray him as a feminist #sayosdreams fics #sayosdreams writing #sayosdreams

[countrymusiclover]

Ch 3 - Wasting All These Tears On You

Part 4

Cowgirls Don't Cry

@hcwthewestwaswcn co author

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Ryan’s POV

Ryan was talking to his girlfriend, Laramie as he had been seeing her for a few weeks as he heard her ask about Y/N “oh her, she was a dumb fling. I just used her and got what i wanted from her then i met you honey” He says softly, kissing her cheek gently and lovingly because he was happier with her and loved her more than anything which made him forget about the girl who had been in love with him for a while but he had taken her virginity then he left her after he had done so “She is the foreman’s kid, so that’s why i slept with her. Just so that she would leave me alone, and stop being around me” He says softly, unaware of Y/N listening to the conversation

Ryan kissed Laramie softly, his hand resting on the small of her back because he loved spending time with her and everything else before they started on their work for the day “Love you cowgirl, gonna take you up to the river after we finish doing our daily work. Now go on and get your pretty self up on that horse and head out. I will be there soon enough little darling, love you” He repeated, his hair was tucked under his cowboy hat which was a black stetson that he had bought with his first check from working the ranch

Ryan was mounting his horse, running a hand through his hair as he swung his leg over the saddle as he wasn’t paying attention when he mumbled under his breath “Stupid girl, thinking that she would even have a chance with me. She’s just the foreman’s kid and she was just a quick lay to me.” He says, not knowing that Y/N had been listening since he wasn’t exactly quiet about it as he rode his horse out of the barn quietly as he didn’t even pay attention when he left the barn after he got his horse saddled and the tack put on correctly as he rode over to Laramie and kissed her despite Y/N being there and seeing everything after he had said those things about her without a single ounce of remorse and care in the world as he rode off to the pasture where he was usually working with the other hands. He wasn’t working with Rip because Rip had decided to take a break from work, and spend some time with his family as he sighed softly while he rode the horse at a medium speed and trot.

Y/N’s POV

Standing outside the bunkhouse I started to go inside until I heard Ryan talking with someone. Actually he was doing much more than talking from what I heard. Wrapping my hand around the door knob I opened the door seeing him tangled up in the bed with one of the barrel rodeo girls. "Son of a bitch, Ryan!" I cursed making them both break away.

"Well, well, guess she didn't agree with you, she was just another lay." The girl lying with him scoffed.

Ryan attempted to get his pants that were laying on the ground. Clutching my hands into fists at my sides I felt tears starting to fall down my face. "You are a sick liar…I never should have trusted you."

"Y/n, come on. I didn't mean anything like that." He attempted to explain but I wasn't going to hear it.

"Go to the train station!" Turning on my heels back towards the door more tears were falling down my cheeks at this point. I couldn't believe that I was so stupid to think he cared for me. Grabbing his boots off the floor I chucked them harshly towards his face where he had to duck. Then I slammed the door behind me running up to the main house and into the living room closing the door to cry on the wooden floor.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#cowgirl's don't cry #ryan x reader #ryan #ryan yellowstone #ian bohen #yellowstone tv #yellowstone fanfic #yellowstone fans #yellowstone fan fic #yellowstone fanfiction #rip x beth #rip wheeler #rip wheeler x daughter reader #beth dutton #beth wheeler #kelly reilly #cole hauser #john dutton #kevin costner #kayce dutton #luke grimes #bunkhouse cowboys #bunkhouse #wattpad fanfiction #ask box is open for feedback #comments really appreciated

[sketchy-rosewitch]

Our Little Bird: Rusty Nail x gn!reader x Bo Sinclair

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, slut shaming (?), angst with a happy ending.

A/N: @bisexual-horror-fan is hosting something called Multi-May! Or for some reason I called it PolyMay, all month she is posting Polyam focused fics! I wanted to participate so I chose my babies Rusty Nail and Bo Sinclair!

You shift awkwardly in the grocery store trying to pay attention to what you need to get in the isle you are currently in. Rusty and Bo needed to run some errands and said they’d meet you back at the grocery store. They said it wasn’t supposed to take that long. It’s been almost an hour. They usually never left you alone this long, mostly because you had a habit of attracting unwanted attention.

It isn’t your fault. Really it isn’t. Alphas see an omega by themself and all they wanna do is talk, make sure they’re okay, see if they’re single and maybe or maybe not move on. You bite your nails and try to focus back in on the list, humming to the music that played in the store.

Your nose picks up on a group of omegas coming towards you and you furrow your brows absolutely confused on what they could want.

There’s a strong grip on your shoulder as an Omega turns you around. You see four of them crowding around you. Your heart picks up its pace.

What did you do this time?

“So how’d you end up with two Alphas?” The one who grabbed your shoulder asks, she’s shorter than you, and looks a little older, she reeks of burnt sugar and sour blackberry. You try not to gag.

You shrug and look at the small group, not really wanting to talk to them.

“So what, you just spread your legs and they came running towards you?” Her jaw clenches as she looks at you with disgust. You shake your head absolutely hurt by her assumption.

“No! I- I dunno! They just saved me and both wanted me! I don’t know how to explain it.” Your hand fumbles with your tucked in t-shirt.

“Look at me Omega.”

Your heart clenches and because of your nature, you look up at the other Omega and whine lowly. You’re always such a great listener.

“You know Alphas are a rarity. All omegas know that. Yet you still decided to take two for yourself. You’re a selfish slut, you don’t deserve either one of them. I bet they hate having to share you. Bet they think you’re cheating right now. In fact I bet that’s what you were doing. Wanting a third, maybe a fourth to scent you. Well you’re not getting them!” The Omegas claws grip and dig into your cheek, you whimper loudly and that’s when you smell a mix of cedar wood, whiskey, fresh rain, and engine exhaust.

Your heart picks up pace. “Please.” You beg between squished cheeks. “They’re close by, if you could just back up so they don’t hurt you, I won’t tell them!” More whines come from your chest. They cause your ears to ring and you’re sure it bothers the groups ears too. The woman doesn’t let go until it’s too late. Your boyfriends storm into the isle, she looks over at them backs off with a disgusted look.

“I ain’t gonna hurt you. But you better stay away from our Omega.” Bo growls, Rusty comes up to you and holds your face gently, checking to see if her nails dug too far into you. “You okay little bird?” Rusty rumbles, you lie and nod.

“I ain’t jokin’ either. Causin’ them distress like that. I’m sure an Alpha wouldn’t claim you regardless if we were a rarity or not. Especially the way you’re actin’. Now git!”

Bo turns and faces you. Your heart rate slows as you calm down. Bo kisses your scent gland gently. “Are you okay? Sorry about takin’ so long. Line got held up. We’ll make sure one of us stays with you next time.”

Your eyes don’t focus on anything really. It’s all blurry, you just quietly nod your head and let Bo do the rest of the shopping.

You hear Rusty and Bo talking but don’t focus on anything they actually say, Rusty’s calloused hand holds yours and you just stare at the ground.

You are selfish. You’re a whore and you really could’ve just had one partner. One Alpha or even Beta to call your own. But no you had to get claimed by two of them, because you just couldn’t pick. Now you’re practically taking all of the resources. Greedy bitch.

Rusty and Bo know something is up with you. Your Cherry and Coconut smells burnt to a crisp .Their hearts ache for you to feel better. They wanna kill that omega for whatever she had said to you. You hate confrontation especially confrontation in public so Rusty and Bo silently decided to wait until the three of you get home to talk.

-

Groceries are brought up and put away. Bo and Rusty watch as you silently go up to your shared bedroom to lay down.

Rusty’s knuckles crack as his fists turn white.

“I’ll kill that damn bitch myself. Won’t take long for me to find her she smells of envy, sour and disgusting. Doin’ somethin’ horrible to our birdie’s mind.”

Bo huffs, he feels just as angry as Rusty. But one of them has to be rational while the other isn’t.

“I wanna kill her too. But we gotta think about birdie right now and what they would want.”

That hurt Bo to say more than anything. Not because he doesn’t want to put you first but because that bitch deserves to be put down.

Rusty and him take a few deep breaths. Something you taught the both of them so they would clear their minds. Then they make their way up the steps.

The bedroom door is shut and Rusty knocks before entering. Your smell is spread all over the bedsheets, you’re curled and looking out the window.

They come around you and crouch down.

“Birdie come here.” Rusty whispers, you look away and hesitate before getting up and sitting in the man’s lap. Bo gets as close as he can facing both of you and kisses your face gently. “Tell us what’s wrong. We wanna make you feel better. Hurts us seein’ you like this.” Rusty rubs his thumb between your brows soothingly.

Your body knows better than to deny him.

“Told me I was selfish for letting two alphas mark me. Told me how rare you guys were and that I was a slut and they said that they bet I’d spread my legs for any alpha. B-but I wouldn’t! It’s not my fault that you two marked me and I marked you two but it feels like my fault! I don’t like it! Because-Because then I am greedy! I should’ve never met you two then I wouldn’t have been so greedy.” You sob loudly. Bo and Rusty let out a small whine. You just barely hear it.

“Oh birdie. Ya ain’t selfish. Relationships happen like this all the time. An alpha ain’t selfish for wantin’ multiple omegas, a beta ain’t selfish for wantin’ an alpha and an omega, and an omega ain’t selfish for wantin’ two alphas. Etcetera Etcetera. I don’t want you thinkin’ that. That omega hasn’t found no one to be hers and she’s just angry because you found two people to be yours.” Bo explains, you nod your head, confirming you understand.

“If anyone’s selfish it’s both of us for wantin’ you little bird.” Rusty says.

Your heart flutters a little and you smile. Rusty picks you up and kicks off his shoes before moving to the bed, Bo follows closely behind him and the two of you squish you into a sandwich. They kiss your face and scent glands. Their hands move to feel you all over, finally you feel full comfort in the whole situation. You kiss both of them on the cheeks. You hum in contentment.

No you weren’t selfish, they weren’t either. Fate wanted you to be with two alphas and that was something society was just going to have to deal with.

#house of wax #bo sinclair #house of wax 2005 #bo sinclair x reader #rusty nail joyride #rusty nail x reader #rusty nail #joyride 2 #bo sinclair x reader x rusty nail