#i just. want more stories about him and his family okay

[latenightdaydreams]

Please do part 2 of Mechanic Konig. I'm begging you!!! Your writing is AMAZING! I have to reread your writing every day because I can't get over it 😩

Thank you!!! I'll be writing a lot more this week, so there will be more! I finally made a part 2!!! I hope you enjoy!!🥰

Mechanic!König x Reader Part 2 (fem)

MDNI🔞

Part 1 here! 🚗

Master List!

>cw: fem/afab, pregnancy, p in v, oral

1.4k word count

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You sit in your car holding your newest ultrasound pictures. You made a last-minute appointment to see the doctor assuming you might have the flu, but being a few days late on your cycle the doctor asked for you to take a pregnancy test. Once it came back positive you were sent to the women’s health center for an ultrasound. You’ve been celibate for almost a whole year, other than your random hook up with that mechanic… You let out a long sigh before driving off.

You pull up in front of his shop, putting the ultrasound photos in your purse before stepping out of the car. Walking up to the open garage door, it’s almost like déjà vu. There König is wearing a white shirt and jeans, covered in oil. He looks up and meets your gaze for a split second before he looks down, realizing who he just saw, his head snaps back up.

“Y/n?” König speaks softly as if surprised to actually see you again. The last few weeks you’re all he has been able to think about. He’s been waiting for you to call or show back up and now here you are. His eyes drift down your body, taking in how amazing you look, and back to your eyes.

“Hi, König.” You walk closer into the garage. “Are you busy right now?”

“No,” he gently shakes his head. He closes the hood of the car he was working on and grabs a rag to clean his hands off. “Do you want to go to my car?”

Yes, you think to yourself, but you came here to talk. “No, I think we should talk.”

König tilts his head when you say no. He drops the dirty rag on the bench behind him and he looks at your cleavage again before back to your eyes.

“Is your car running okay?”

“Yes, its fine.”

“So, what is it?” He leans back as his blue eyes keep glossing over your body. All he can think about is how good you felt and looked naked in the back of his car.

“Um, so, I went to the doctors today.” The word doctor piquing his interest. “And she did a few tests on me…” You stall nervously not knowing how to tell him. What if he reacts poorly?

“Are you pregnant?” König asks, hurrying your story along.

“I am,” you nod softly, “I have ultrasound photos.”

“You do?” He perks up. “How far along are you?”

“11 weeks,” you go into your bag and pull out the ultrasound photos.

König quickly steps forward and grabs them from you.  His eyes glued to the image of a tiny fetus shown on the ultrasounds.  He studies every photo, a flood of emotions rushing through him at this moment. He can’t believe he actually got you pregnant.

“I came to be responsible and tell you. I don’t know what I’m going to do-” he cuts you off.

“I said that I would support the both of you and I meant it.” His eyes meet yours. “I have a big house, I make great money, and you’ll never have to work again Schatzi. You can just focus on raising our baby.”

You don’t say anything as you stand there taking in what he has said. Supporting a whole family is a huge responsibility. You don’t even know him, could you really build a life with him?  

“You laid down with me, you let me get you pregnant. Please, let me take care of you. Both of you.” He reaches a hand out and gently caresses your upper arm. His eyes showing genuine intent as they fall to your stomach even though you aren’t even close to showing yet.

“We don’t even know each other…”

“We will learn,” He looks back down at the ultrasound photos in his hand. “Please.”

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König runs his large hands over your swollen stomach, softly holding it as his eyes watch your growing breast bouncing. Your nipples have darkened and areolas enlarged. You’ve even been gaining weight, making your thighs and ass bigger. Your changing body is a beautiful sight to behold and it’s changing all because of him. Small moans of pleasure leaving his lips as he watching you eagerly bounce on his cock. Since you entered your second trimester, your hormones have been all over the place making you extremely horny. König is loving every second of it.

“König,” you whimper his name out as you feel yourself getting ready to reach your third orgasm.

“Ja, Liebing, there you go, let it out.”

He moves one of his hands down and begins to rub your sensitive clit with his thumb. He moves in slow focused circles making your legs begin to tremble. You slow down and lean forward slightly, letting out loud moans as your velvety walls flutter around his cock. König takes deep breaths and tries to focus his mind to not cum yet, he knows you aren’t done. Once he feels your body relax, he moves his hand away from your clit.

He gently lifts your body and leans back, grabbing a pillow and putting it under your head before laying you down gently. His eyes roam down your body as he bends down to lick your nipples, softly sucking on them as he feels your fingers comb through his short hair. He lines his cock up with your entrance and pushes himself back into you, mouth still latched to your breast.

“Oh yes, please.” You push his head away so he can sit up. “Fuck me harder.”

König nods his head as his hands wrap around your thick thighs, he pulls your legs apart and back making sure to be careful with your baby bump. König can’t believe how beautiful you look; how tight your cunt feels. He can’t believe how he got so lucky with you.

Your eyes trace the shape of his muscular body, seeing how his muscles flex under the light sheen of sweat covering his body. Your hands gripping the bedsheets as he fills your small cunt completely. You feel euphoric burst of pleasure every time he thrust forward; you clench down on him. König lets out a loud moan in response.

“Meine Liebe, I’m going to cum.” König’s voice cracks as he doesn’t slow his motion. His toes curling and eyes fluttering.

“No, please don’t stop, I’m not done yet.” You pant, feeling your next orgasm just beginning to build.

“Es tut mir Leid,” König chokes out as his hands drop your legs and move up to your full breast and squeezes them. His motion slows as his cock throbs inside of you.

Once he finishes, he pulls out and drops to his stomach, placing his head between your legs. He begins to lick your clit, his tongue flicking back and forth causing you to squirm and moan softly. One hand rest on you stomach as the other pushes two fingers into your cunt full of his cum. Curling his fingers up, he begins to finger you, quickly moving his arm. He tastes the mixture of your creamy cunt and his salty seamen.

“Right there, please don’t stop.” You moan in a whiney tone; König loves to hear it.

He doesn’t stop as his lips wrap around your swollen clit and sucks. His fingers rubbing against your g-spot rapidly as your back arches. Listening to you moan out his name as your squeeze his head between your plump thighs he lets out a satisfied groan into your cunt. Finally, you orgasm, he licks long laps up and down your pussy before pulling his fingers out.

He looks up and smiled at you as you lay there catching your breath. He has an air of arrogance about him, being able to make you cum so many times.

“I’m going to go clean up Liebling, I’ll be back with a towel to clean you too.” König leans in and kisses your belly before standing from the bed and going to the bathroom,

Once he was all clean, he grabbed a towel and began to walk back to you in the bedroom. Once there he sees you fast asleep, cuddling the blanket. König can’t help but to smile. He leaves the towel at the edge of the bed and tries to cover you the best he can without waking you up.

König decides to get dressed and goes to the nursery to continue painting, what he was doing before you ask to be fucked. He opens up the can of paint and pours some in the tray. Getting the roller covered in paint, he begins to cover the last white wall in the room with a pale pink color.

#konig #konig x y/n #konig cod #konig x reader #könig #könig x reader #konig smut #könig smut #könig cod #könig mw2 #konig x you #konig x reader smut #cod konig #könig call of duty #könig x reader smut #könig x y/n #könig x you

[bella-goths-wife]

Hi :3, i am new in here and i'm a bit lose, ¿Why does Vox sees their pet like a substitute daughter 🥲?

Sorry if the question it's a bit dumb, but i genuinely don't understand that 🥲

Anyways, i hope you have a great and lovely day (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ (and sorry if i said something wrong, english it's not my first language)

No it’s okay, I’d love to explain it :D

Why does Vox see pet as a daughter

Warnings: mentions of miscarriage and pregnancy, obsessive behaviour, forced affection, forced paternal behaviour, just overall a complicated and sick dynamic, abuse mentions

This is just my story’s backstory for Vox since i can’t find a canon backstory

So we all know that vox is from the 1950s

And we know that most men from the 1950s had it built into them that it was their duty to continue the family name and legacy by marrying a nice girl and having a few kids

And I believe Vox would be a very big believer in legacy and having an heir to pass down his legacy to, since he was probably a big celebrity and quite wealthy

But during his time of being alive, he never had any children

He had an arranged marriage that was set up by his father, in which he married a woman he had never or would never love

But Vox wanted one thing from this marriage, one simple thing that he craved so heavily

A child

At first he was convinced he wanted a boy, someone who he could mold into being someone worthy of carrying on his last name

But then he realised something, having a son would only challenge Vox as the man of the house

What if his son became more than Vox or overpassed him?

Most fathers would be proud of their son achieved great things but the thought only made Vox seethe in jealousy that one day his legacy would be surpassed by something he created

But a daughter, she would be his to protect without the worry that she would ever overpass him

He wanted something he could own and protect, something to be part of his legacy but always staying below him

A daughter is what Vox wanted more than anything, a daughter that was strong enough to be given his last name but weak enough to need his protection

Of course he’d want a son or two to continue his last name, but a daughter is the only child he’d ever love

Sadly, he and his wife were unable to have children with his wife only being able to conceive and lose pregnancies

The furthest pregnancy that they got to was when his wife was six months pregnant before losing the baby

During the six months Vox fantasised about his child, his perfect girl who he would love more than anything

So when his wife lost the baby, he felt a part of himself lock away forever

The softer part of himself was pushed away to die

He threw himself into his work to distract himself from the loss of his child

He also threw himself into many criminal situations and made very bad decisions which would later land him a place in hell

Vox had already given up on the thought of having children during the living and finding out that sinners couldn’t conceive only pushed him further into the belief that having a daughter wasn’t in the cards for him

And then he met you

Granted when he met you he just assumed you were another scrawny sewer rat who had to steal and cheat just to afford some food

But you quickly changed his mind once you started working for him

Seeing your abilities progress and grow stronger was a magnificent sight for Vox, it was an achievement that he had coined for himself as your mentor

Combining your abilities was also an amazing feeling, to know that there was someone in hell who could only enhance his power made him feel like he could rule the underworld

You unlocked parts of him that he had long forgotten, a more forgiving and softer side

You were strong enough to protect yourself but also weak enough to need his protection

You were smart enough to keep up with Voxs conversations but also naive enough to manipulate to his wishes

You had a strong ability but not strong enough to survive outside of his providing, at least in his mind

You were young enough for him to be able to see as a child at 18, but also old enough for him to be able to exploit you and profit off of you

You were the perfect heir in his mind, the daughter he had always craved

So Vox would find himself being fatherly towards you and showing you fatherly affection, even if he ignored the way you tensed up at his touch

But parts of Vox hated this and denied his attachment to you

He wanted to smack himself for being weak and bending to his own obsessive cravings, but instead he smacks you instead to rid himself of feelings that could soften the sharp image he had created of himself

He craves your presence but despises the thought of you

But because he suppressed his fatherly feelings for you, they manifested into an abusive and obsessive addiction

He obsesses over every minuscule part of you and exposes it because he wants to know you but doesn’t want to get close enough for you to become a weakness to himself

Vox abuses you because he fears you most of all, he fears that the mere thought of you dating sends him into a blind rage or the thought of you getting hurt sends him into a deep panic

He wants to hold you close but parts of him want to smother you in his arms to make it so he doesn’t care for anyone anymore

So vox will always see you as a daughter in his mind no matter how much he tries to deny and suppress it

The only thing his denial does is make his feelings manifest into an abusive and obsessive relationship with you

He sees you as his daughter that he has always craved, and you see him as your abuser who will always be watching you

@hazbinhotelxreader @idontreallyexistyet @perkypeony @sparkleyfishies @buttercupfangirl @repostingmyfavs @lilyalone @the-faceless-bride @fandomaddict505 @corvid007 @rerarlo

#hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin vaggie #hazbin charlie #hazbin angel dust #hazbin alastor #hazbin husk #yandere hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin vox #hazbin adam #yandere vox x reader #vox x reader #hazbin hotel vox #vox #yandere velvette x reader #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin velvette #velvette x reader #vs pet #yandere valentino #hazbin valentino #hazbin hotel valentino #valentino x reader #alastor hazbin hotel x reader #yandere alastor x reader #alastor x reader #alastor x you #charlie morningstar

[starryeyeddreamer21]

So I have this idea for a Hazbin Hotel au and just hear me out okay.... CO PARENTING AU

Like the hotel residents are just chilling when the doorbell rings and Charlie goes to answer it hoping that it's a demon that wants to be redeemed but no it's a little baby wrapped in a fuzzy pink blanket

Charlie freaks out, y'know as you do when there's a baby on your doorstep, and she calls the others over

Angel is the first to respond he squeals and picks up the baby Nifty climbs onto his shoulder to get a closer look

"Can we keep it?"

Husk facepalms (mostly to hide his smile because Angel looks so cute with that baby)

Vaggie is horrified and continues refusing to let Angel keep this baby

Angel just goes on a whole rant about how her parents left her there and he wasn't going to abandon her (he's really going for guilt tripping them tbh) In the middle of the rant he thrusts the baby into Vaggie's arms and she just stares down at this baby and you can see her fall in love right then and there

Charlie is watching this with heart eyes because Vaggie looks so soft right now

Sir Pentious is just like "Sssso are we keeping it?" (He's not very good with kids)

Spoiler alert: they kept her

I've been thinking about this way too much so here's what I think they'd be like as parents

Most of them in the same boat where they're good with kids but being good with kids and raising them is a whole nother story

Vaggie: is a little too strict at times and is probably the one saying you can't have too much sugar. She didn't really have a childhood so she's trying her best to give the baby the best childhood she can while also keeping her safe and probably being way too overprotective

Charlie: is spending as much time with that child as possible. She never wants her to think she's being abandoned and wants her to know that they love her more than anything. She's basically just trying to be there the way her parents weren't.

Angel: His style of parenting is very different from Vaggie's. He's not strict at all he just really wants to be liked. He's still a good parent though. He's basically trying to give her the childhood he didn't get and is definitely overprotective. He's terrified of what Valentino would do if he found out about her which he knows is irrational because she's got the most powerful family in hell but he still has nightmares about it. He will definitely bring the baby into his bed a lot of nights instead of leaving her in her crib. He talks to her a lot in Italian and sings her lullabies.

Husk: He's an amazing father. He's logical but chill enough to be a good middle ground in the middle of all the crazy. He's basically the kind of parent we all need. He's very intune with others feelings and always knows what's wrong when she's crying.

Nifty: She takes on a lot of the important stuff like changing and bathing her. She's tiny and can't actually pick the baby up but she's a surprisingly good parent anyway. She's still Nifty though so she's definitely making toys out of roach corpses and entertaining her with those puppet shows.

Sir Pentious: Okay this man has no idea what he's doing at all. He's not very good with children just because he doesn't know how to interact with them but he shows love in his own way. He's the one that makes her crib and most of her toys. He's definitely the one that teaches her math and science when she's older and they would probably invent together too.

Alastor: He wanted absolutely nothing to do with this baby. He was against bringing her into the hotel all together but eventually he warmed up to her. It starts when everyone else is asleep and he hears the baby crying. After a minute of contemplation he decides to go see what's going on. He ends up rocking her and humming his jazz music until she falls back asleep. He starts doing this every night (someone has definitely walked in on him doing this but nobody mentions it to his face). He's the kind of parent that takes a vow like "I will protect you to my dying breath" y'know some crazy shit like that

Lucifer: He's there all the time helping out. He's the kind of grandparent that would brag about his grandkids, he's showing everyone pictures of this baby it's honestly embarrassing. He's really doing his best to make up for not spending enough time with Charlie. He's also the only one who knows anything about children like they wouldn't even know how to feed this kid without him.

#hazbin hotel #co parenting #huskerdust #chaggie #angel dust #husk #charlie #vaggie #nifty #sir pentious #alastor #lucifer #incoherent rambling #au #hear me out #co-parenting au

[kayunivy]

Okay.... Let's analyze what happened in dcmk these last few weeks. Obvious SPOLIERS will be commented so you know.

> Appearance of Aoko's mother in Magic Kaito.

Where was she all this time? Why did she never appear or even show a sign of life? She didn't even call her daughter on her birthday... She appears so oblivious to everything, she didn't even know who Kaitou Kid was since her husband has always been obsessed with trying to catch this thief for YEARS. It seems like Gosho just randomly placed her in the story without trying to connect with the canon, it's almost as if she was a character outside of her original manga.

> Film 27 and its breaks in logic and common sense.

After all these years, Gosho decided to go against everything he had already said and made the Kaishin to be cousins, not only ruining a unique relationship (whether you shipped or not) but also bringing plot holes and contradictions in the story. If they are cousins ​​what's the excuse for them never trying to even interact before? Why was it that when Yukiko first met Kaito, she never acted like she was related to her? The same with Toichi, she always talked about him as just her teacher and NOTHING more than that, it doesn't make sense to put that in the story now. Why did Kaito never even have support from his family? Not even showing up at Toichi's symbolic funeral? How come Yusaku never went to talk to his late brother's family, even if he knew the truth KAITO DIDN'T KNOW...

No one even considered his feelings...

> All the bullshit involving Kaishin.

The biggest problem for me about them being cousins ​​is not just because of the ship but because of all the history and construction they had. It's as if everything that's different about them is summed up in the simple fact that they're related. But Kaishin has always had something unique, something that Gosho himself defined as "a mysterious bond". Them not having the slightest type of relationship made everything so unique, a connection that only the two of them could have together, one would easily understand the other even though they were complete strangers. Now I feel like they want to throw that away.

> TOICHI KUROBA AND MY HATE FOR HIM.

Gosho had already said that Toichi was possibly alive but the confirmation brought me a wave of anger and contempt that I had never felt for any other dcmk character (even bo). Let's think about Kaito in this whole story:

• lost his father when he was just a child and is still traumatized by it today.

• for 8 FUCKING YEARS he discovers that his father's death was never an accident but a murder.

• His father was actually an internationally wanted thief who was after a precious stone capable of bringing immortality.

• he steps into his father's shoes as KID and decides to try to find out for himself what happened to his father, who killed him and why.

• now there is a criminal organization that thinks he is the KID who didn't really die and they are trying to kill him once and for all.

• he decides to put himself at risk looking for Pandora, being something belonging to the organization and the police themselves.

• a lot of people hate him, regardless of whether he hurts people or not.

• more and more he becomes more and more removed from everything and becomes burdened with the KID charade.

• his own mother doesn't care about him, on the contrary, it seems like she likes to make things even more difficult for her son (she disguised herself as her dead ex-husband just to screw with her son's head, that's sickening to say the least).

• everything Kaito does is because of his father's murder, he never wanted to be KID, he never liked stealing, he doesn't do any of that for pleasure (except when it involves a certain mini detective but that's not the focus now ).

• and in the end his father was ALIVE all this time, doing who knows what while his son was risking his life because of him... BRO...

This whole thing is insane. And not in a good way.

#i'm insane #I can't stop thinking about Kaito in the middle of all this #someone needs to hug him #i'm crying so hard #my baby :( #kaito deserves the world #kaitou kid #kaito kuroba #conan edogawa #shinichi kudo #kaito x shinichi #kaishin #dcmk #magic kaito #detective conan #meitantei conan #aoko nakamori #toichi kuroba #gosho aoyama

[loveandplanet]

Miss Americana

Now playing: You’re On Your Own, Kid

C/W: Mentions of abuse, violence, ellusions to rape, Marshal is a perv, misogyny/sexism, angst, Goose has no idea how to Scottish slang. As always, italics in “” depict Norwegian.

A/N: Things are getting juicy! I’m really falling in love with Evelyne’s story now, and I’m the one writing it lmao. Constructive criticism is always welcomed in a positive way. I’m sensitive.

It’s dark; the house is quiet. Evelyne squints into the darkness. Her clock says it’s 3am. It’s only been a few hours since her fight with her father. She rolls out of her bed and makes her way down the hall. Andrews door is shut, when she tries the handle, it’s locked. “Lorris?” She calls out to him, hopefully the nickname will make him open the door.

To her luck, he does. The door practically rips off its hinges from his anger. Andrew glares at her, the same look, she realizes, that he gives their dad.

“The fuck you want, Evelyne?”

“Are…are you okay? I know Marshall was pretty harsh this time.” Her cheek still stings from the slap she received, and she can only imagine how her brother feels. He huffs, rolling his eyes at her.

“You’ve taken it too far with this Scottish boy, Evelyne. I’m not covering for you anymore.” “But you said-”

“Doesn’t matter! This is your problem, not mine!”

He turns to go back into his room, leaving Evelyne there in shock. Andrew stops and looks at her one last time.

“Oh, and another thing, Marshall knows there isn’t a ‘Malic Greene’ in your class.” Then the door slams in her face, making her flinch.

“You’re on your own, kid. You always have been.”

“Lass?”

Evelyne blinks at him, her curls matted to her face from the rain. She barely remembers how she got here. She’s still in her pajamas; an old nirvana shirt and cotton sleep shorts. She didn’t even put on shoes in her desperation to get to him. Falling into his arms, she sobs out a single word. “Johnny,”

He pulls her into the house. She’s never done this; shown up at his Aunts house at the crack-ass of dawn. John bombards her with questions. What happened? Are you okay, lass? Evelyne doesn’t respond to any, only sobs. God, she feels so stupid. The more she gets Johnny involved with her, the more she puts him at risk of Marshal’s wrath. The roses were bad enough. It’s not until John pulls her away from his shoulder, tucking stray curls behind her ears with a gentleness she’s never felt, that Evelyne realizes what she has to do. She stares into the sea of blue that is her boys’ eyes. “I can’t keep doing this, Johnny.”

“Doing wha’?”

She shakes her head. Please, she begs, don’t make me say this. Evelyne thinks that God may just be on her side when Johnny’s eyes widen. The pair stare at each other for a beat in silence. And then-

“Come with me.” “What?”

“To Scotland. Come back home with me, to Scotland.”

“John you know I can’t do that! What- what about Nellie and Claire? I can’t just leave them alone. With him!”

“So yer just gonna let him beat ya to death?”

“To protect them? Yes!”

Johnny purses his lips, thinking. “Just, just try, for me lass. I leave tomorrow night; come with me,” He grabs her hands, bringing them up to his chest. “Please.”

Holy hell. When did he have the time to pick up Norwegian? Evelyne sighs, looking up at him.

“Okay,”

His face lights up.

“Really?”

“Really,”

Johnny’s kisses were always passionate, as was everything the boy did, but Evelyne felt like she was on fire when their lips met. Her hands went to his poorly done buzz cut as his went to her waist. If this is what she was giving London up for, it was worth it. “I’ll run away,”

London airport is bustling, people rushing to their terminal, to their loved ones, or to a taxi. Evelyne clutches her carry on bag to her chest as walks in the building. Johnny was in Gate C9, where he and his family were waiting for her. She feels nauseous; she’s really doing this. Leaving her family, her childhood, her sisters, behind. She ignores the constant buzzing of her phone in favor of rushing through the airport.

“From sprinklers splashes to fireplace ashes,”

Evelyne confirms for the fifth time that she is, in fact, at Gate C9. The problem? Johnny’s not here. There’s no terrible haircut, no loud Scottish slang. Evelyne’s vision blurs as tears form in her eyes; again.

“I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this.”

Three hours later, the plane is long gone, and it’s dark outside. Evelyne gathers her bags and makes her way outside. So much for coming home.

“Where that fuck have you been, girl?!”

“I went for a walk,”

Evelyne makes it two steps before her curls are roughly grabbed. She yelps before falling back. “You don’t do shit without my permission, you hear?!”

She looks at her father. His dark skin has a slight yellow tint to it. His liver must be failing. She can practically taste the shitty beer he drinks. “Yes, sir.”

Marshal looks shocked for a half a second before he smiles and his eyes roam. Evelyne wants to puke. “Good girl. It’s about time you learned.”

He releases his grip on her hair, allowing her to cower away. Evelyne lugs her bags up the stairs and into her room.

“You’re on your own kid,”

The panic starts before she can stop it.

“Yeah you can face this,”

Evelyne rips her stained sheets off her bed, shoving them into her closet.

“You’re on your own kid,”

“You always have been.”

@going-to-ikea-for-the-fries 👀👀

#call of duty #john soap mactavish #cod mwii #cod mw2 #cod #oc rp #oc #original character #cod soap #modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare #cod modern warfare #oc backstory #cod angst

[last-herondale]

Almost Part 8

Bucky Barnes x Femreader!

Warnings: none

Angst, heartbreak, healing

AN: this story is close to my heart. This whole series. I’ll go into more detail perhaps once it’s done.

Enjoy ❤️

Months had passed. The weather here in the islands was warm and tropical. You had always loved the beach. Watching the waves crash against the sand, feeling the warm beams of sun hit your face as you relaxed in a beach chair. Tony had several island houses, some remote, some really, really remote, and then there was the one you had chosen, which was completely isolated away from the rest of the world.

Tony didn’t ask questions when you came to him that early morning. You only told him that you needed to get away. Somewhere no one could find you. Somewhere you could be alone. He gave you an access card, an address, and sent you on your way in one of his private jets. The vacation house was huge, way too big for one single person, but you were not going to complain.

You spent the first few weeks in bed. Your body and soul felt absolutely exhausted. Guilt riddled your chest. You hated leaving your team like that. No explanation, no word at all. It wasn’t fair to the people who you saw as your family. But there wasn’t time to write every single one of them a note. You just left one for Steve and Nat. You left the note with Tony to give to Nat, but you left the note for Steve on your dresser.

It was short, but it was all you could muster before you chickened out. It hurt too much. Feeling like you used Steve, fighting with Bucky, and lying to yourself and everyone else that you are okay. There seemed to be very limited options as to what you could do about it without messing everything you built up. Without destroying the whole team itself, over something as trivial as your heart.

It felt like you were dying. Physically and spiritually. You took sleeping pills just to shut out everything racking in your brain. You hardly ate, even though Tony made sure to send groceries every week. No one had come to check up on you, so you assumed that Tony had made good on his promise to keep your whereabouts secret. It was strange to feel so conflicted. To want nothing more than to be alone, but also want someone to talk to.

So you opted for writing. Tony had plenty of empty journals in the house, some filled with new suit ideas or other inventions, but you found one that looked like it wouldn’t be missed and began writing. It helped. Writing down anything and everything you had been feeling when you felt it. It took a few weeks, but you finally decided to leave the house. You began taking walks, writing on the beach, reading the various books that Tony had. It was nice. It was starting to feel like a vacation.

You created a routine. You woke up early in the mornings on the weekdays, making sure to go on a long walk around the island before the sun rose. Then whenever you were ready, you went back to the house and made yourself something to eat. Sometimes it was breakfast, most times it was lunch by the time you returned. You spent your afternoons either reading or writing or sleeping. It was a bit boring and mundane, but it felt like it was exactly what you needed.

The only thing that bothered you was the zero contact. You did miss your friends. At the mark of one month of your isolation, you decided to write to Nat. You left a note for Tony, asking that he still not give out your whereabouts, but you trusted him enough to write a few letters with Nat. Nat seemed understanding, if not a bit disappointed you hadn’t gone to her first before leaving. She didn’t say anything about Steve or Bucky, although you were very careful not to ask or even hint that you wanted to know. Even though you did. Desperately.

You started writing to her every week. You thought maybe one day she would get fed up with you avoiding everything, but all Nat ever said at the end of her letters were:

“I love you. Just be careful, okay? I’ll always be here for you if you need me.”

It was everything to have her support, and Tonys. You felt as if you were finally getting better. You were finally taking care of your mental health and your feelings, rather than worry about everyone else. It was strange. It felt selfish. But you realized it was needed.

After two months, you decided you needed somewhere a bit more social to be. Tony was happy to oblige, and he and Pepper came to help you get settled into your new living space in Maui. It was smaller than the first house, much to your appreciation. Pepper and you talked for a bit, and it was nice to open up to her. She often seemed so set apart from the chaos of the tower life, so she offered her unbiased opinion.

Tony’s aim was to help you have fun again. Before he and Pepper left, he showed you his favorite spots, and ensured that the owners would take care of you, if you ever decided to enter their establishment. It was nice to be out and social again. Even just being out to dinner with the two of them livened your spirits up more than you thought it would.

That’s when you decided that it was time. You told Tony before he left, that he could share your whereabouts with the team. He had just given you a look of uncertainty, but then shrugged. You weren’t sure if he would follow through, but then Pepper put her hand on your shoulder and you knew she would take care of it.

The local city in Maui was wonderful. It wasn’t full of tourists, but it was bustling full of the locals. They were kind, and very pleasant to be around. Even if you didn’t talk to them much, it was nice to be back around people. You took up a small job, delivering merchandise for one of Tony’s recommended shops. You knew it was a small task, certainly not up to what you were capable of doing, but it kept you busy.

You still wrote daily, keeping up with your journal that was now full. Tony had gifted you a whole set, for however long you wanted to stay. You considered going home. Several times during your trip. The memories of what you left behind… who you left behind. It caused you too much pain.

The pain was ebbing, ever so slowly. The realignment, the refocusing your attention back to yourself made it easier. You realized that you deserved to put yourself first. That you needed to love yourself before you could love anyone. And so these long months have been your love letter to yourself. You followed your heart. Did what you wanted. You were honest with yourself and your needs. Things were finally becoming okay.

You felt like it was finally okay… it was finally acceptable to just be you.

A few people sent their regards. A few letters came in for you, one from Sam, Wanda, and even Scott. Nat visited you the next week Tony left. It was nice to be with her again and be able to cry and hug her. It was nice to converse and be around the people you loved. People that you had neglected in your mess. It made you feel whole again… well almost.

You missed them. Although it was hard to say their names still, you missed them both. You missed them terribly.

And like always, it seemed that the universe had a great sense of humor when it came to you. You were sorting through the mail, a normal routine you did once a week. The letters were from the usual suspects, but one name made your heart stop.

You knew it would happen. Maybe even hoped it would happen. And now it seemed that the time had finally come.

#fem reader #reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #marvel #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #fan fic author #healing #angst prompt #angst #alone

[ca-suffit]

yeah anon I don't want to publish ur specific ask for the reasons u said, but thank u for reminding me of this post. this post from nalyra-dreaming was part of the affirmative action drama and I think a lot of what's in this post got lost out being talked about because of that. so let's talk about it. let's comb thru this so ppl can rly understand nalyra's racism and what they're defending when they want to defend her.

first off, lol take ur own advice. but anyways. this way of speaking is crazy. this is why this whole group of besties put everyone off as time went on. that's why it's lol when ppl come to me saying nobody likes u, we prefer them. okay?? ur weird and u like being yelled at idk. these ppl read some dumb books and think they work on the show. they reference each other's fanon more than anything else. there's no discussions. they talk AT u. it's a bunch of ppl who want to be seen as smart and popular. that's it lol. "we've been trying to tell them" girl u don't work on the show stfu.

this bitch is a whole bitch. u act like u have been victimized by a black fan because you had a disagreement. u play up "I tried to listen and I agree too! poor me, THEY don't want to hear anything else but what THEY want to hear :(" and THEN u have the fckn audacity to say shit like why aren't u all listening to BLACK MAN JACOB ANDERSON. why aren't u listening to black fans? why are u here making this post to act like a victim to "mean" black fans who just don't listen to facts and logic and jacob anderson himself. why are u here twisting this shit up to pretend u have empathy for black ppl by stepping over everyone here (who does not have to filter anything for show press) and saying "actually ur all wrong and stupid and ur the REAL racists because u take away jacob and bailey's own voices."

this is a real level of fucking evil racist shit and why I'm spelling this out rly slow rn so u all understand.

"Louis is not chained to his coffin guys, he could have left, and a fight which shows off power discrepancies within the show story line is not automatically domestic abuse."

u jump thru so many hoops for lestat's defense it has made u dumb as fuck.

where was louis supposed to go? he's black, his family hates him, his husband is a demon spawn who stalks everyone down who tries to leave. who BEAT HIS ASS already at the *thought* that he'd even leave. that's not DV?? he could have left?? how are u like 50 years old and victim blaming like this and then saying u have authority over analyzing these books for the peasants here lol.

the favorite go to line from this dumb group is "they're monsters" "they're vampires." anne rice was famous in the first place for using iwtv to humanize vampires. I think she used this type of "logic" over time too tho and that's prbly where this comes from. it's a bad excuse tho. we're talking about DV but u say it's not DV and then say "they're all murderers anyway so nothing matters." girl the redemption isn't about vampirism, it's about whiteness. u big fucking dummies who can't talk about race always want to pretend this is about lestat being a vampire and how we're too stupid to understand vampires and monsters. the horror of lestat rn is his whiteness. the horror is the power that gives him as he's the least capable of rational thought in that whole "family" unit. he's ignorant, controlling, and quick to anger. he never tries to fix his ignorance, he makes excuses for all his behavior because he CAN. because society allows him to do that! louis and claudia can't make any mistakes or be forgiven because black ppl are not given that same grace. u can call lestat a monster because on a white man that's still an attractive quality. ppl LUV white serial killers and abusers so much and hype them up like they're galaxy brain heroes. calling a black person a monster is just every day. with no benefit. that's the one u rly believe is the threat and then u shoot to kill.

she's so dumb omfg. isolation doesn't mean put in an empty room. lestat wove himself into every aspect of louis' life so that louis could not exist without him. yes, on a level, louis was showing off his man, but u see how the "roots" take hold more and more over time. he's living in lestat's house, lestat is now the one driving the car. more and more lestat is telling them what they're doing and becoming critical of what louis will not give up. acting up v loudly when he doesn't get his way (he brings antoinette in when louis isn't "acting right" so he can torture louis at his job so he'll fix himself already, then he "allows" louis to see other people except now I'm gonna overreact about that too, now I've chased claudia off but btw did u know I've always had a big dick and u not being fun for me anymore is why all of this has ever happened??)

again with the evilness of trying to prove ur shit point by saying "if u disagree with me then u hate black people (jacob anderson) even tho I'm speaking over all black ppl here with this post." ok lestat lol. u are always trying to excuse lestat's actions for being what they are by saying there's a book reason behind it or saying louis or whatever black or brown character is the REAL abuser. do u think abuse has to be intentional to count as abuse? do u rly think lestat's actions are justified when he could have easily explained any of it without doing all that? his response to louis' depression is to do everything I wrote above. u think that's not abuse? u think that's not isolation? "be my companion" but he didn't mean emotionally. u don't think that's maybe the arc lestat is going to have to go thru to be a better partner to louis? what do u think his arc is then, louis just made it all up and soon we won't have to care about race and lestat has been a cool guy this whole time just kidding?? anne rice rly gave u a smooth ass brain.

I don't even know what this means. u all love to skip over points and just say "okay SWEETIE u just don't understand dark themes and monsters, u won't ever get it." okay U, SWEETIE, ur 50 years old, talk slow for me. I know u can do it. if u want authority then prove u know ur shit. a loud voice by itself doesn't do anything but yell. but this is all mama rice taught u tho. so here we are lol.

"everything is unreliable narration except for lestat who is always telling the truth because his egotistical crazy ass white woman author who wanted to be a white man so badly and wrote in his voice IRL to yell at ppl for real said he's telling the truth" u are all so crazy and racist and then u get big mad when ppl notice how crazy and racist u are lol. this gap between series airing has been annoying af but it's sure exposed ur asses because ur not smart like u think u are. when someone rly shows up and breaks down ur arguments to ur face and that is the sole reason I'm here, u all have nothing to say anymore. so fuck u lol enjoy this well earned fallout.

#interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #amc iwtv #iwtv 2022 #fandom racism #nalyra-dreaming

[anyoldfandom]

I am actually. I am so emotional over the Salazar parents and I need to share this to tumblr too.

A lot of stories where the MC is adopted I feel. Either dismiss the biological parents and the impact they have on the kid's life, or makes them evil and abusive, framing the loss of the bio parents as a good thing, or at least something we shouldn't think about just look at this new family.

But Genrex doesn't do that. From the start, Rex wanted to find out more about his parents - it's one of his primary character motivations, next to helping people. He loves them, even though he doesn't know them.

And the more he finds out about them, the more he realizes they loved him. Rylander is consumed by guilt but as Rex's first connection to his pre-Event life, the first thing he does is hug him. And when he tells Rex about his parents, the two things Rex knows is that 1) they were scientists, and 2) that when he was in danger, they were desperate enough to use their secret, experimental technology to save him. Technology built from their desire to help the world, to save countless lives and end countless suffering.

And then. When he finds out that they were dead, he doesn't stop caring. It'd be so easy, too, to tie it up there - his parents were good people, he got his answer about them, the end. But they don't. He doesn't. Because the show is saying once again that they are his parents. He still calls them mom and dad, even as the show makes it clear Holiday and Six adopted Rex as their son. Even as the show even parallels Six and One with Rex and Six (and I will talk about that more later if I don't forget, trust me), to really drive home how much they're family. Rex even says he considers the two of them family, and later that he considers Noah, Claire and Annie family.

He has new family, the show tells us, but his old family still matters to him. He's upset that he never has the chance to meet his parents, that everything he hears about them, about his time with them, is secondhand knowledge. It tells us clearly that not only does Rex still love them, but that he still wants to know them. And everything we find out about them reinforces the love that they had for each other.

We see Abuela and the family in Mexico, who connect him to his birth family and tell him that he was so loved back then, and still is now. We see their office in Abysus through Rex's eyes. The picture of him and his dad on his desk. The drawing Rex drew, proudly pinned to the wall.

We see it in the familiarity of the drawing. That that robot, that build, was what Rex created when he was lost and scared and alone - that it was made to keep him safe. That it first appeared in his mind in a place he felt safe.

The show says, tenderly and softly, that the love is still there. That the fact these people died was nothing but a tragedy, that their love is a big part of what made Rex who he is today - that every molecule in his body is filled with their final gift to him. That every time he cures someone, every time he uses a build, every time he makes a machine - we see the love that they had for him.

And the way he quietly absorbs his father's face. The way he freezes and whispers "Mamá?" when he finds out Zag-Rs has their mother's voice. The fact that she even has her voice as a testament to Caesar's love, too - that it was meant to bring comfort and safety. The way Rex yells at Caesar when he finds out they have a family property, a connection to their past, the way he fights to protect it.

And, none of this takes away still from Six and Holiday being Rex's family too. None of this removes the work either set of parents did for him, the love either set has - the show says that it was unfair that the Salazar parents were lost. That Six and Holiday are not replacements, that they still love him as parents but play different roles in his life. They can not, and have no desire to, replace the Salazars. But Rex needs parents, he needs protectors, and so they will do what they can for him - at first out of necessity, to keep this kid they barely know safe, but then out of love. They aren't replacing what was lost, but are doing their best to do what Rex's bio parents would do. And they do mess up in it - they mess up in ways Rex's bio parents might not have. Six is clearly bad with showing affection, affection we saw the Salazars give Rex so easily, and Holiday is overworked and stressed constantly, sometimes breaking under the pressure and snapping at Rex and Six, things we never saw the Salazars do.

It's just. It's about how sometimes things will not be the same. They will be different. That doesn't mean the people you lost aren't still with you.

#This is also. Why I dislike the 'Rex was secretly made for the nanite experiments the accident was a lie' theory so much #Bc it assigns malice where the show says over and over again there was only love. #That this was only ever a tragedy of good people whose good intentions were manipulated and twisted. #And I think giving them something shitty to have done in the past especially goes against the message of the show's perspective on adoption #The family we choose is not always stronger than the family we are born to. Sometimes they are equal in different ways. #Rex's bio parents are gone but not replaced. They have also shaped who he is #Six and Holiday are just picking up where they left off. Because they have to. #Also I don't like the theory that Rex's parents are EVOs somewhere bc I think it diminishes the impact of the tragedy too. #I get. Wanting them to have a happy ending. But I think it's important to realize that this is the closest they can have to a happy ending. #Some things cannot be replaced. Or fixed. Sometimes life takes what we love and what loves us. And that is okay. #It is okay to be upset at that and it is okay to never fully move on. #'What about Caesar?' I have. Another post's worth of thoughts about him. #But I think he's also a character who is defined more by Rex by their relation and defined by the story by his guilt #I think he is the closest thing Rex has to a shitty bio family member and he is shitty in plenty of ways #But he's also a parallel to Rex in a lot of ways. He fails where Rex succeeds bc of it. #generator rex #genrex #Anyways. Sorry for the big post.

[dykenav]

personally one of my biggest disappointments with greywaren was the lack of discussion about like. The World. like MI had SO much of this energy of like revolution and We Have To Change The World To Survive It and all of that was just like. totally skirted. not to mention the unanswered questions and plotholes like does the world know dreams and dreamers exist now? wtf happened to Ronan and Hennessy being wanted by the FBI? all jokes aside with that it’s kind of disappointing how we just get like one sentence in the epilogue that tells us that they’re traveling the world helping people make sweetmetals where the ley line needs it like I love that for them but how did they come to that conclusion. if the takeaway is supposed to be that the revolution needed to happen in the way they saw themselves and their relationships first then that’s dope but there was nothing to really tie that together with everything we set up in MI

#does this make sense. #greywaren spoilers #greywaren analysis #I know people are saying they think if maggie had written her original idea of it being a smaller scope no apocalypse story it would have #been better but. the thing is #I LOVED the widescale scope that was set up in Mister Impossible #and I would have been okay with that being cleverly subverted for a message about family and self IF the connection was clearly made #which I feel like it wasn’t. #and I feel like the moderators and apocalypse shit could have had a lot more meaning narratively #but I feel like the nathan twist was kind of like ??? #what am I supposed to do with that #I feel like that COULD HAVE slapped harder if we knew more about carmen’s family bc then it could have been like #the foil between how her family created a dreamer who wants to destroy the world vs ronans family creating a dreamer who wants to save it #is that the correct usage of foil idk #but yeah nathan was just such an inconsequential character like if ronan had been forced to see him and compare #his own destructive tendencies to nathan’s that would have been interesting. #or if there was at least a little more emphasis placed on nathan and carmen’s relationship so the reader could compare it to the lynchs #like i feel like she Tried to do that a bit but it wasn’t strong enough #anyway saying all this AS someone who is for the most part a greywaren understander. I respect the decisions she made but I wanted more #greywaren #tdt #the dreamer trilogy #mister impossible

[thatoneautisticfnaffan]

Look, if Steel Weel is going to write robot versions of Elizabeth and BV/CC into the story, and that’s a big if, Michael should be the one creating them. The first time in the series that the concept of robot kids was introduced (TSE trilogy), the bots were made by grieving father to resemble his dead daughter. From everything we know about William, does it seem like he cares enough about his children to build robot replicas of them? Michael lost his entire family, and has (presumably) been alone for a long time. So, the idea of Michael trying to literally put his family "back together" after they’re been broken for so many years could actually work for the narrative. As the protagonist, it’s been his job is to fix what his father destroyed and William is responsible for destroying their family.

If we are getting robot replicas of the Afton kids, I will only accept this execution of the idea.

#sure you could argue that the idea of William using robot replicas of his kids for experiments could happen #but I just like this narrative direction so much more because it feels like it could actually work for the story #also I didn’t mention this in the post but I’m not talking about Gregory being a replica of CC/BV. I just want him to be his own character #the same applies to Vanessa #also under Mikebro Micheal trying to make up for causing the death of CC/BV by recreating him as a bot is just so beautiful and sad to me #fnaf michael afton #fnaf Elizabeth afton #fnaf the bite victim #fnaf the crying child #fnaf afton family #fnaf theory?? kinda?? #fnaf William afton #tse spoilers #don’t let Matpat see this. I don’t trust him to get his hands on this idea #fnaf security breach #fnaf security breach dlc #security breach dlc #security breach theory #afton family theory #yes I do have this as an AU. Let me be happy okay?? #fnaf novel spoilers

[roger-paladino]

making that WF video was like. reminding me how much and how deeply Mo cared for Lee it hurts soo so so bad

#If I had one main critisism of the series its that the arc between them didnt feel completed #Like Mo doesnt get a good death and Lee had a breakdown over it but only on twitter #where up to this point most if not all of what was said on twitter was also said in video descriptions and videos themselves #I do think how Lee acts in the start of s3 is a reflection of how Mo and to an extent seans deaths had affected him. we know that a lot of #that change was actually because of the speaker and the time he was captured by the family #I just think Mo should have been able to have his own send off rather than it being tacked onto Seans death #which completed his story #(I have my own feelings about sean but thats not what this post is about) #as well as being able to get more personal moments with Lee after Mos death sort of how we see some of how Mo was coping with assuming Lee #was dead (it was badly) #anyway I could write a comprehensive essay post but ranting in the tags will do bc only #I care about these two <- insane #I could make several posts about characters from WF i do wish it was finished #its not a perfect series by any means but I do very much love almost everything about it #its kinda like. the perfect length and speed. its good if you want something interesting and bite sized that isnt a time sink like emh or mh #okay im done for real now sorry I have a lot of thoughts and no one asked by I need to speak #.txt

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Sometimes I think about that moment in NMH2 when Travis’s talks about how ‘despite assassins being super fucked up, are still human beings that deserve respect’ and I just… kinda get emotional over that because even though he is a pathetic loser, he’s not wrong!! He’s absolutely correct!!

Assassins are more than just tools! They are more than just bloodthirsty killers! They had lives! Dreams! Personalities! Interests!! Family!! They had things that they cared about but had no choice but to abandon them, because the life of an assassin is cruel one with constant competition. The genuine horror of it is realising that at any moment, a ranking fight would be set and on that day of the fight you’d have to accept the fact that you might not walk out the door, it’s sad!! It’s horrifying! And with each little bit of info on the assassins you get you can’t help but feel bad for them. Sure they knew what they were signing up for but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a dignified/honourable death !!

#shallow rambles #nomoreposting #the UAA should be torn down because it profits off the misery and suffering of its main employees #<- I hope that in nmh4 if it ever happens that Travis makes true on that promise to tear down the UAA. #I want Travis to tell his brother that he’s more than tool!! that he’s a human being that deserves freedom and respect and human dignity!!! #<- I never not think how much Henry’s adopted family messed him up because they only viewed him as a weapon to sharpen and not a child to #raise with love and care and affection :((((( #<- JEANE SMACKDOWN DESERVED TO BE TOLD THAT SHE CAN RELY ON PEOPLE TO SUPPORT HER AFTER #HER TRAUMA!! SHE DID NOT HAVE DO DIE THE WAY SHE DID!! SHE COULD BE LIVING A PEACEFUL HAPPY AND HEALTHY LIFE!! #SAME WITH HENRY TOO!! he deserves to have some personal closure on why his adopted family did what they did to him!! and he has every right #to cut contact with them!! #HI SORRY TIME TO THINK ABOUT THE TOUCHDOWN SIBLINGS AND CRY #thoughts on queue #queue awaits you at the garden of madness #TRAVIS!!! Travis deserved to be with his siblings in a happy and healthier environment!! while I’m happy he carved out a new found family! #he also deserves closure too!! he deserves answers as to why he was split from his siblings!! he deserved the opportunity to mend #the relationships with his siblings that were purposefully broken and taken away from him!!! #I just want a NMH story where the three siblings rebuild their lives together and give each other emotional support!!! #THEY DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER OKAY!!! I mean the whole series is bc their dad was A SHITBAG and thought it was okay to separate them

[our-reality]

ok achievement got i'm brainrotting about c+ so hard

#SEE CUZ CALLING HIM C+ IS WEIRD TO ME NOW but anyways #i think he's so so silly but he's also profoundly sad but like. in a new way #his story is like. weirdly the inverse of python's???? like they left their families and began to indulge in new identities #so as to not be found #but. ohhhh my god okay buckle in #python did so because he didn't want his old family to find him. c+ did so because he'd be jailed for working age restrictied jobs #python hates its old family. everything c+ does is for his family #in taking on a 'fake' identity python discovered his real self separate from from its identity as a god and as a part of his old family #meanwhile c+ so frequently loses himself in the fake identity he has to wear in order to help who he loves #that he genuinely forgets his real name sometimes #and it crushes him so much when it happens. it crushes him that java's friends with a stranger instead of him #because he connects with java so much. they're just two kids who lost their way and now they're here when they don't even want to be #and it crushes him that he can't embrace who he is because if he gets too comfortable if he tells the wrong people the wrong things #the fragile web he's built under himself will collapse #and yet. he's more himself than he knows. and he finds new things that he works into both his c+ persona and the person underneath #and by opening up to his best friend about all of this he finds out that c+ and him aren't really that different after all #and while he's ready to start embracing the real him with more people... he doesn't regret his time as c+. #after all. he wouldn't be the real valentino without him. #(valentino is his real name) #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #I LOVE YOU PARALLELS I LOVE YOU ACCIDENTAL FOILS ILY ILY ILY #anyways #<- i wanna experiment with calling him c+ but until i make a final decision i'm keeping his tag as c4 #c+

[squishious]

it is such a wonderful feeling to know just how loved you are

#some of my (extended) family makes some. questionable choices #sometimes they are not fantastic people #but almost every one of them (some more than others) are so demonstative of how much they care and how much they would do for me #and it is truly just so so nice #here is a little list of nice things people said and did yesterday bc i am feeling grateful and want to remember this #- one of my favorite aunts (technically my dads aunt and my great aunt?) has been so supportive of what im studying and helpful #in that pragmatic desi aunty kinda way #- her son (uncle of all time seriously he's the best) was the one person with whom the college talk wasn't misery inducing #he was so so nice and reasuring and understanding of ~the situation~ #didn't bat an eye at my crazy list which. god i appreciate so much #tangent: ik it's not realistic to get into all these schools but if i apply to them all something's gotta stick #and i hate people seeing the list and being like. mhmmm wow ambitious....r ur parent's forcing u to do this #like bestie no i just know my funky little humanities degree is not super valuable in the first place so i need that name brand #okay anyways #stressed how much 'grades don't fuckin matter' in college #how it was not only ok but normal to digure out post college plans later #and how living in [redacted] and having classmates doing the clear path fields probably makes it 10 times more successful #and said if i ever needed a destress chat to just call him #icon #oh his wife and i talked about piercings and she told me a story about how her found her brothers bong when she was in college and #asked her what it was #uhmm oh! rich cousins!! the older one esp (not the fashion one) (who was also honestly rlly sweet) has always been a lil intimidating but #she was so nice today? gave chill college advice talked to me about other stuff which. thank youuu #what elseee #oh my god. their dad #he is. a character. not always everyone's favorite person #not always the kinda person the adults are on good terms with #but no matter what drama is going on (none this time afaik) #he is always absolutely lovely to me #squish speaks

[llycaons]

I saw a post about this years ago but the fact that xl treats ruoye, the symbol of his self-harm/deep trauma/the worst period of his life, with such affection and care, is so significant next to the fact that hc treats e'ming (literally a baby, has a piece of hc's actual physical body in it) so cruelly and yells at it and calls it useless trash 😬

#I don't think self-hatred is a good trait for a romance lead honestly #if you aren't going to address it in any way besides 'oh this is so sad and tragic and angsty' #'doesn't it make the romance better bc he's saving him from it?' nah #and I'm too old to pretend that I believe a partner can do that kind of work for someone with this many issues #bc xl being kind to him and making sure he's okay is very sweet but he literally does need therapy #I know I said I wanted to explore other options but hc doesn't care about anyone else does not have peers #or a community besides the city he runs and xl and MAYBE hx #does not have any elders #like. he needs help and xl loving him is not all he needs #compare to mdzs where wwx reached out and became close again with the people he'd lost or the family he'd be torn from #where he's in a community that cares about him #and where he worked out a bunch of his trauma through the course of the story in a way hc just doesn't #maybe I'm mixing my adaptations here. cql wwx definitely worked through a lot...the BM...losing his family....on his travels #that lwj supported him through but his trauma wasn't cured by being in love #she will rly give main characters this complex and deep psychological issues and traumas and allow them #to realistically and organizally work through them #organically* #and then slap a few key phrases and aesthetics on a love interest with three personality traits and call it a day #im so frustrated bc i KNOW she can do more I KNOW she can. please #ma'am... #I may be giving novel wwx too much credit please remember I haven't read the book in like 2 years #tgcf txp

[andivmg]

My experience with Luke (Punz)

CW: toxic relationship, racism, dubious consent

I know in the past i said that i would no longer speak about him publicly, and when talking about my experiences with abuse and emotional mistreatment i begged to keep it anonymous but after reflecting on this for a week and seeing so many incredibly smart and strong women tell their stories. they have given me the strength to say his name.

this is really scary to talk about because of the copious levels of harassment i have received from his fans in the past so if this spreads or gets out of hand i will simply log off.

If you read my last post, i nicknamed him 1.

So aside from everything i said there, there were a lot of things i didn’t include because they would’ve made it obvious that it was him and it could potentially backfire on me so, i’m very afraid to post this. but i’m going to do it scared anyway, because it’s not fair that he gets to just go and live his life worry-free as if he didn’t practically ruin mine.

Because I already made a very lengthy post about him, i won’t include everything i said last time to avoid being redundant but if i repeat myself, please bear with me.

In our year long relationship i had to endure emotional neglect, gaslighting, verbal abuse, one instance where there was dubious consent, and much more.

Starting off at the beginning of our relationship, that’s when i was getting copious amounts of hate and harassment from his fan base (warranted or not), he decided that our relationship must be kept private. he said it was to “protect” me from his fanbase when in reality it was to protect himself. it was so he wouldn’t get all the backlash i was getting. this is funny because one of the things i got called out for was saying the B slur (derogatory term used against mexicans/latinos). I won’t get into the nuances of if i could say it or not as a puertorican because that’s discourse that does not pertain to this specific situation. But you know who definitely can’t say it? A white boy from Massachusetts. When i was getting cancelled for this and getting thousands of tweets calling me names, he decided that was the perfect time to say “I mean you are a b***** aren’t you? my little b*****.” Now, he said this completely unprompted. I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that. I tell you this because i immediately shut him down and told him that there was no universe in which it was okay for him to say that word and especially not one where he could just call me that. While i was reprimanding him, he was smiling and laughing. he apparently found it amusing to call me a slur. regardless, he gave me a half-assed apology and said he wouldn’t do it again. and he didn’t. but this wasn’t the only time he was weirdly racist to me. this was my first time being in an interracial relationship so i was led to believe that this was normal by all the white people around me at the time. But, sometimes my spanish accent would come out and he would make fun of me and the way i pronounced some words. He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there or come meet my family when i really wanted him to because he “didn’t like the heat” or “it’s dangerous there isn’t it?”. Once, while we were watching season 2 of Bridgerton, he implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them. This hurt me because they are brown skinned girls. I am a brown skinned girl. Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color was unattractive. These are only a few examples i can think of at the moment, but i’m sure there were more. Our relationship ended in 2022 so some of my memory is a bit hazy. But, I do remember feeling inferior to him throughout the relationship because he was white and I was not. I chalk that up to all the micro aggressions i had to deal with because i had never felt that way around white people before.

Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much. He did defend me on multiple occasions, I’ll give him that. But, he only did it because his name was getting dragged in the mud along with mine. Excusing my actions made him look better for being around me. In reality he didn’t really care. Because he was such a big content creator and someone i looked up to professionally, I took his advice as law. He told me to tone down my personality, to keep a low profile, to change things about myself to be more palatable to his audience. The same audience that spoke about me like “The pussy can’t be that good punz please stop defending her”. So i changed a lot of things about myself and my content to better suit what his audience liked. He made me feel like if his audience liked me, he would be public about our relationship and stop hiding it. He told me the reason why he wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because he didn’t want to get hate for it. But this wasn’t true. On my 20th birthday he went to Las Vegas for a twitch rivals event. That night i asked to facetime him to say goodnight and he refused because he was at a hotel room with his friends and he didn’t want them to know that we were together. It was as if my mere presence or the utterance of my name was a source of embarrassment for him. And he didn’t let me forget it. It wasn’t just a public thing at that point. He didn’t want people to know we were together, period. This was devastating to me because I would talk to all my friends about him. I was so proud to be with him and I was just one more problem to him. He made me feel so small and insignificant just because his fans didn’t like me.

He would berate me a lot. Not just due to getting heat online, although he did do that a lot. But in general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like and call me an idiot. And that really hurt, i felt like i couldn’t bring up anything or do anything without getting insulted. If I hadn’t seen him in a few days because he was too busy streaming and i asked to hang out he would call me needy, clingy, and annoying. Granted, he might not have been wrong, but that is not something you say to someone you claim to love. He also insulted me when i was in depressive episodes. I have BPD and at the time i was not being treated properly for it. So, I was all over the place emotionally and he was what i clung to for validation, reassurance, and love. I talked to him when we first started dating about my disorder and told him that if it seemed like something he couldn’t handle that he could opt out of the relationship. I guess he didn’t think it was that bad or something idk because whenever i had really bad depressive episodes, he would tell me I was too sad to hang out with. He said that my sadness was a burden to him. Which would be fair. But, once my mother had a conversation with him about me. She told him that i am someone who needs a lot of love and caring. She said that if he wasn’t willing to put in that kind of effort into a relationship to just leave me alone. He reassured her that he would be there for me no matter what. He told my mother that he would protect me and my heart. He did not. He took all the warnings I gave him and ignored them and then made me feel like I was the problem. And even worse, he would say that i was pretending to be sad to get his attention when he would neglect for days at a time.

There were also some smaller things like the fact that he made me feel really guilty whenever he would spend money on me. Also, he would be really mean about my eating habits. For context, i used to suffer from an eating disorder. I was anorexic and had a really unhealthy relationship with food during high school and my first year of uni. This relationship began when i was recovering from my ED. For me, eating was really hard. So i had certain comfort foods that, while sometimes unhealthy, at least it was something to eat when i didn’t feel like eating anything. He knew this. Yet, whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat. Constantly told me I’d gain weight from eating all that junk food. Saying that to someone with an eating disorder is crazy. Other smaller things were that whenever I would post tiktoks where i was lip syncing or just looking good he would yell at me and say i was looking for attention. Same with Instagram or Twitter whenever i would post photos where I looked hot. He never planned out a single date for us. I would beg him to get me flowers and he did maybe once but i’ll get into that in a bit. He would make fun of me in front of his friends to make himself look better. He let his friends say really degrading things about me in his presence. For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”. Once, when i was really struggling with my legs (for those of you who don’t know, i have arthritis and it’s very painful. at the time i wasn’t diagnosed but i was in a lot of pain) I literally could not walk. I had to beg him to take me to the ER because i didn’t know what was wrong with me. He didn’t want to take me but eventually i convinced him, and while we were there all he did was complain about how long it was taking and that he would have rather been at home streaming. Whenever I would talk about my interests that i was excited about like shows or books he would be incredibly uninterested and say that those things were stupid and he didn’t want to hear about them. I know all of these seem very silly or superficial but cumulatively it was awful.

Now for arguably the most serious thing i’m going to talk about. I want to preface this by saying i am just telling my side of what happened. You can come to your own conclusions about this.

On April 25, 2022 it was our one year anniversary, and i had made a dinner reservation for us. I expected him to plan something throughout the day for us to do. He told me he was going to spend the whole day playing Valorant so I got upset and cancelled the reservation. After a very heated argument, we calmed down and i asked him to come over. He came over about an hour later with flowers and drinks (I was 20 at the time so I couldn’t buy the drinks myself). He brought Smirnoffs and Trulys. For context, I am a lightweight. I always have been. I literally get tipsy on half a cocktail. And that day, I hadn’t eaten anything because i was in distress over our argument. So we get to talking and drinking. I blacked out after my second Smirnoff. Apparently I drank 3 but I genuinely cannot remember anything after finishing the second one. The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” When I clarified to him that that was not what I meant, he got defensive and said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was. He proceeded to tell me that I initiated sex with him and that i was very enthusiastic about it. He said he didn’t know i could black out on three smirnoffs. He made fun of me for being a lightweight and continued to make light of the situation. Then he mentioned that i fell off the bed at some point in the night and that it was funny how drunk I was. I then questioned him. Because if he thought that me tripping and falling off the bed because i was so drunk was funny, how did he not know that i was too drunk? He responded by saying that i fell off the bed only after we were done. That day I broke up with him. I’m still really confused about what happened that night. I don’t remember anything and all I have to go on is what he said to me. We were in a relationship at the time and he says he didn’t know how drunk I was so I’m not sure what to call what happened. A while after that day, his friend that hmu while we were broken up and I started talking again and i confided in him about that night. He told me to be careful saying things like that because they could get me into trouble. I spoke to some of our other friends about it and they told me it was no big deal and that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how drunk I really was. Because I don’t remember, I have been led to believe that this is not a serious matter. You can think what you want, come to whatever conclusions you want. That is just my side of the story.

I want to add that I’m not proud of how I acted after the relationship ended. I felt really angry at all the shit he put me through and I guess a part of me wanted him to hurt even a quarter of how I did. So I started talking to his friend and got involved with him. This backfired on me because his friend ended up really hurting me too so ig i got my karma. But the thing that hurt the most is that because of what I did, some of our friends took his side in the break up. I was told that I did something terrible by getting involved with his friend that he was already insecure about and that he didn’t deserve that. These are the same friends who were witness to the dumpster fire of a relationship we had and all the things he did to me. They turned their backs on me because of this one thing I did. But stood by and watched as he treated me like garbage for over a year.

I will conclude this by saying that while this relationship has been “over and done with” for almost two years now, I carry a lot of trauma from it still. I still talk about him in therapy and have had to put in a lot of work to heal from what he did and i still cannot say that i am okay. I am very blessed to now have a patient and understanding partner who has helped me heal from that trauma and i just want to quickly thank him for that. Nobody deserves to go through what I did. While yes, it was a toxic relationship, and I had a part in that, it does not excuse all the awful things he said and did to me. This is my truth, thank you for taking the time to read it.

#sorry if the formatting is all over the place