#i keep telling people things so they leave me alone

[cheshirebitch]

ℕ𝕠𝕥 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕆𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕤

(Alastor x Angel Dust’s Sister!Reader) pt. 2

It really has been a long time, huh?

( previous ) -> ( next )

I have never seen Anthony look at me like that, as though I’m the villain destroying his life. But, last I checked, he was the one going by the real villain that actually did take his life. It was purely distasteful with his choice of name, let alone the fact that was his porno name. What was so wrong with his actual name?

“Listen toots, I didn’t want to ask you for help. We didn’t have any other choice.” The venom spat back at me made my eyes narrow at him. What the fuck is his problem? All of this attitude is not how Anthony would talk to me. It felt like this whole new persona was taking over who he really is. I wanted to rip him apart, but not in front of these people. I can’t let everyone know my weaknesses, even if they pretty much all knew tiny parts.

“I get that. So I’ll ask again, what did you need help with?” I seethed through my teeth, feeling the watching eyes of all his friends. I only tensed up at my own attitude when I remembered Alastor and Lucifer were here too. I rolled my eyes closed and took a deep breath in and out before having an eerily calm aura surrounding me. Knowing I wasn’t going to get an answer out of the pissed off porn star brother, I looked towards Charlie. I could tell I made her nervous, shivers running down her spine before she straightened herself out and answered me.

“Well, I’m sure you’ve heard that we- uh-“ She glanced back at Lucifer who was wide eyed back, shrugging slightly as a response.

“That you,” pointing at Niffty with a smug smile, “killed the great and Holy Adam? Yeah, hard to miss when it’s being broadcasted on every device in hell.” I crossed my arms, smiling. It was really amusing to see Lucifer step in with his slip up of phrasing. Alastor also put on a good show by standing against Adam. I never expected him to actually take on such a powerful Heaven icon.

“Yeah, well, we need help with reinforcement in case the angels decide to retaliate.” She nervously fidgeted with her fingers, Lucifer watching me with anticipation. They all were, really. I was honored they considered me for help against heaven. Pretending to be debating it, I took long strides between Lucifer and Alastor.

“With all things considered, that’s a lot of my members being potentially killed for you. What do you have to offer me to make it worthwhile?” My hand started to glow pink, flexing my fingers and watching Charlie. Lucifer couldn’t make a deal with me or that’ll make more problems, only leaving Charlie and Alastor. Not like Luci would ever make the trust between us obvious. It would be a poor move if he wants to keep his weaknesses unknown. Alastor would rather drop dead than to be on a leash of someone else, though I have a sneaky suspicion it’s because he’s already on a leash. I should ask him about it next time we have one of our talks. Also, I already knew what they were going to sell to me but I can’t just make an assumption with it.

“We will make sure Angel Dust gets redeemed.” My eyes light up pink, turning around to look at Alastor. He held his hand out casually, opposite of how Charlie held hers against her chest. What a bland, and predictable, deal offer.

“Alastor, baby, I already knew that. We both knew that.” I winked at him. “So, what else?” His smile strained, despite it appearing to become more entertained. I read him like a book. It wasn’t very hard since he loves to hide behind a smile, saying it made things more intimidating. I’d like to think it’s more so the idea of being able to bottle those emotions he loves to hide.

“What else? Darling, I think it’s more than reasonable for that to be a big deal.” He smiled his sharp teeth, my eyes watched them carefully. A sneaky feeling crawling up my spine as my eyes stuck like a magnet to him. That’s when Lucifer pushed Alastor’s arm down, rolling his sleeves up, walking towards me. He stuck his hand outstretched towards me, trying to intimidate me with a hard stare. I just smiled in response, awaiting for his deal. I guess they really are desperate if Luci won’t even let Alastor and I pretend to hash out this deal. It was already mutually understood what he was going to offer was more than just that. He was just toying with the rest.

“We will get your brother into heaven, and you.” My smile froze on my face. I couldn’t get into Heaven. No matter how hard any of us tries, I’ll always be stuck here in hell. That fate was sealed long ago. My hands have been permanently stained red and black from how many lives I selfishly took after the death of my two siblings. My hands crossed tightly behind my back as I pondered harder over what he was promising.

I don’t think I want to go to Heaven. I couldn’t place why but something small was trying to tug me to decide to stay in hell.

Something small. The idea of being in heaven with my two younger siblings was bigger. Hell, maybe even the forgotten sibling will be there too.

“Can you even make deals, Luci?” I purred out the nickname in a taunting manner, giving a small moment of silence between us. Since he wanted to air out dirty laundry, I’ll give more hints to how close we actually are. But, he definitely didn’t think he could make a deal either. Charlie tried reasoning with him while Alastor watched from the sidelines, an odd look in his eyes. They flickered to Lucifer before narrowing with displeasure. I guess someone doesn’t like sharing friends.

“I guess we will see, won’t we La Morte.” He was struggling to remain professional. Neither of us wanted to act like this. This was all just a show for our professional standpoints, but I hated it. I’ve had to act professional and put together all my life, no matter how hard I fought against my father to create a life for myself and my siblings who wanted out. That’s all any of us wanted. Lucifer was a good guy despite the title he carries. His daughter is also an amazing girl. I would have agreed to do this either way. But, too many eyes were watching in this moment, too many windows and vulnerability to be spotted for our soft realities of each other. My hand gripped his as pink and gold clashed together.

“You got a deal, Satan.” My smile turned poisonous as I gripped his hand. My magic branded his palm with a pink heart, healing itself just as quickly into a scar. I felt the searing pain of a tally mark etch into my back, ignoring the feeling and refusing to let it slip out that it even happened.

“Anyways, enough with the professional talk. If we are going to be a team, call me by my name. I’m (Y/n).” Whether they could tell or not, my smile was genuine when I reached to shake hands with Charlie, Lucifer still rubbing his hand where the heart was branded onto him. Alastor watched heavily, something else pulling the weight of his stare on me. There’s no way he knows about the reciprocating brand mark. What can he notice that I don’t have hidden?

“Your name is really beautiful! I’m glad I don’t have to call you Death every time I refer to you now.” Charlie smiled genuinely back. Trying his best to make it sound like he has never called me by my name before. My eyes raked over his figure, understanding it’s a secret he wants to keep.

“Well of course, any friend of Anth- I mean Angel Dust, is a friend of mine.” The sibling sense kicked in before I even had to turn around. Anthony just rolled his eyes at me. Quick movements led to my shoe being thrown at Anthony’s head, smacking him hard enough in the face to send him backwards.

“Che cazzo!” (What the fuck!) My head snapped 180 with my body facing Charlie still. Through a clenched jaw and wide wild eyes, I lectured Anthony under my breath.

“Schialla, stronzo.” (Chill out, Asshole.) He immediately stopped, slouching against the wall. Anthony muttered under his breath but at least it wasn’t as disrespectful and obvious. Husk found it amusing enough to stifle a laugh with Vaggie.

“So, what’s the war plans?” I beamed, excited to get murderous for a good cause. Those exorcists killed a lot of my people, pissing off my whole team and myself tremendously. That was our family they were murdering brutally, just so they could have their sick fun and somehow remain in the sky. That was something Charlie and I could get along with.

“About that…” Lucifer awkwardly smiled. You’ve got to be joking. They have nothing? My eyes glanced at Alastor, who was still staring at me. I narrowed my eyes on him, silently asking “you serious right now?” to which he looked amused and shrugged. Bastardo, it’s your skin also being risked here.

“Okay, what do I have to work with here?” Charlie reappeared with a stack of papers and dropped them into my hands. I blinked a couple times, gazing through the words scribbled on the papers. These were lousy attempts at battle plans or any sort of war plans.

“I’ll revise these and have them back to you soon. I do request to have somewhere nearby for me to stay, along with my members. Fifteen minutes away isn’t a good distance, doll.” Observing Charlie’s timid behavior. Lucifer peered behind his daughter, gauging my reaction to everything. I had my work cut out for me but any excuse to be involved in Anthony’s life again was something I was willing to risk everything for.

“Consider it done. Let’s take a stroll so I can show you where it’s at.” Lucifer snapped his fingers and excitedly held his arm out for me to take to walk with him. He was always trying his best to put on a front, but I know he’s still struggling. I mean we still meet and talk about ways for him to mend the broken relationship with Charlie. But, it feels like another negative energy was coming from where my other ally stood. When I turned to Alastor, his eyes were still locked onto my figure, wide and slightly terrifying. The look alone ran a chill down my spine. Why did it feel more exciting than terrifying?

“You coming?” Lucifer glanced backwards towards me, forcing me to peel my eyes away from the enticing ruby set still locked on me. Instead, my eyes met the pale yellow and glowing red set. The tension felt high, pushing me to leave immediately.

“Yeah, of course. Just taking the place in since I’ll be staying here, and potentially dying here.” I laughed sadistically as Lucifer frowned and elbowed me.

“Not funny. There is no way myself, or any of us, will let something happen to you. Unless you get redeemed, too.” He winked trying to sell the confidence he could get me into heaven with my brother. I doubt it, but no harm in trying.

Following down the hall, around back, there was a warehouse building directly behind it. It mirrored the looks of my warehouses that have been distributed in my territories. I could easily move a little over half of my people within this building, comfortably. The smile slowly dragged across my face before I could stop it. Lucifer was smiling back at me, satisfied.

“Che bello…” (How beautiful…) My whole body relaxed, feeling almost unnatural. I didn’t know how to handle how I was feeling at all. All this weight that’s been pushing down on my shoulders just lifted enough for me to breathe, to relax. No one has ever done something this tremendous for me. I could feel tears brimming my eyes, ripping me out of that relaxed feeling. Instead, it was replaced with a sense of dread and need to feel that relaxed again. Lucifer was smiling softly, hand snaked around my waist as he waited.

“You want to go see the inside, (Y/n).” A small smile remained as I allowed his arm to remain, feeling natural and familiar, but so wrong.

“We can’t keep doing this, Angel. We both know that!” Lucifer was having one of his episodes again. The thoughts of Lilith coming back any second, just to see him fucking some other girl and actually leave him type of thoughts. Not that I could ever understand what he’s going through and show sympathy, but rather I’m getting tired of fixing what I didn’t break.

“Listen, Luci, I know.” He stopped. In the poorly lit room, I could see his eyes glowing and a faint outline of his body shape standing on the opposite side of the bed. He knows what’s coming.

“What do you mean?” His eyes pierced mine. A hard stare swimming with all sorts of emotions. Panic was in the center of the tornado.

“Luci, we can’t keep having the same conversation every other day.” I sighed as he remained frozen in fear. One wrong move and I can destroy everything.

“I know you still love her. Nothing could ever change that. You have spent all of eternity together, created a beautiful daughter, ruled over hell. It’s not something you can just fix in seven years, and I never expected you to.” His eye twitched as his black hands started to curl in, making fists. I watched carefully how his breathing was now heavier. I didn’t want to make a bigger mess but I can’t mindlessly try and heal him again, no matter how badly I wanted to.

“What I did expect was some sort of progress to prove that you were learning to let go and love me.” It felt selfish how I was wording it, but my own abandonment issues were strangling me. It hurt to breathe and my vision was blurring. He huffed out, about to deny everything I’m saying.

“I know you love me, but not as much as Lilith.” My eyes froze on Lucifer in panic. Merda. (Shit.) I said her name.

“Don’t you ever say her name. Especially not like that. If she loved me, she wouldn’t have disappeared, abandoned me or Charlie. You don’t know anything.” I knew he didn’t mean it at the moment but my mom taught me one thing, never let a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you.

“It’s over, Lucifer.” I moved slowly to the door, refusing to turn my back to him and his eerie glowing eyes in the dark room, shutting the door quietly and carefully behind me.

During my walk back, it felt like a walk of shame. Opening and closing my door as quietly as possible to my office, sliding my back down the door. There is where I sobbed for hours, grieving a relationship where I actually felt loved, relaxed, and free from the impact my father has held on me all my life. This is where I vowed to never allow myself to get emotionally attached again.

•

•

•

(As always, the characters belong to their owner and the story belongs to me. If you have any requests or ideas, send them over! I love to hear feedback! I will also gladly try to write things for my supporters! I have put a LOT of research and planning into this series! I also researched Italian to try and make it as real as possible! Thank you for the love and I hope y’all have a great day! <3 :)!)

•

•

•

Tag List:

@pooka167 @serenity-songbird @readergirlstuff @nishayuro @lovingyeet @genderlessdude92 @slytherin4ever @random-3455 @mo-0-o @lucifers-silhouette @sadnessiscoldtea @idonthaveanameforthisacc @marxo5 @emonerdwinchester @macehysteria @tsukiko26

Tagged who I could, some it wouldn’t allow :(

#fanfic #fanfiction #hazbin hotel #x reader #xreader #alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #radio demon #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader #lucifer #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar #charlie morningstar #angel dust #hazbin hotel husk

[deadsetobsessions]

Once more the hallucinations hit, and once more I am here writing it out.

My brain is fucking terrifying and I want out, so bad. This came to me in the form of a nightmare.

Also, please don’t take the timeline into consideration, because I have no idea what’s going on. Again, nightmares and dreams tend to not have the best coherency when it comes to plot and timelines. The reincarnation doesn’t have a name, I was too busy feeling terrified. Shit in parentheses was how I experienced the nightmare. Everything else is just me adding sprinkle sprinkle.

——

Ra’s al Ghul.

Talia al Ghul.

Two names that she had been aware of, in the peripherals of her hyper fixation. Two characters meant to enhance the story of the Dark Knight. Side characters, on a good day. Perhaps, a main antagonist on a better day.

On a bad day?

Main characters. Real, living people. Real, living, breathing assassins.

Unfortunately, they’re her new family. One she remembered coming into, bathed in a pool of blood and screams.

She was not a baby.

She is now, a baby. The first of Talia al Ghul’s children. The eldest, once Damian al Ghul was born.

Swaddled in emerald green and gold silks, she was presented to a man with silver streaked hair and a receding hairline. He too, was robed in green and golds.

“A daughter, Talia?” He rumbled, the smooth Arabic flowing out of his mouth failing to hide the acrid disappointment. The child, past the haze of confusion of suddenly being deported from her own adult body into one of a helpless child, felt a stirring of irritation. It’s good she learned the language, because now she knew exactly how Ra’s felt about her. The child grumbled a displeased sound. Not that she would have ignored the fact that her grandfather was Ra’s al Ghul. (He smelled like moth eaten fabric and blood- but I think that was because my cat accidentally scratched me.)

“My apologies, father.”

“Do not tell the young detective of this. Had it been a son, perhaps things would have been different. No, a daughter would only hinder him.”

Talia bowed, hands tightening on her daughter. “May I raise her, father?”

“A resource is still a resource. Go ahead, Talia.”

“Yes, father.” Talia took the dismissal and bowed before leaving.

On her way back to the room with the reincarnation’s crib, Talia al Ghul stroked her daughter’s head.

“I wish you were born a boy, my daughter. I am sorry my beloved will never know of you.”

The reincarnation looked at her new mother. She’s young, the woman-child realized. A teenager.

“You’ll have to be useful, my daughter. Your grandfather is not so kind as to keep the useless. I… do not wish for your death,” her mother muttered.

Great. She got new life and it’s already in danger.

——

She learned to swing a knife. Swords. She learned and devoured the teachings. She learned to be useful.

But then they asked her to take the life of a man who did her no wrong.

Her baby blues clashed with her grandfather’s Lazarus green.

She was still young. A child.

“No.”

“No?”

“He did no wrong.”

“He failed, granddaughter.” Ra’s smiled down at her, patronizing. Cruel. “Perhaps you possess your father’s heart, and you are foolishly sentimental, as women and children tend to be. But in the end, you are an al Ghul and you will obey. Plunge in your blade and I will reward you.”

The reincarnation looked at the man kneeling in front of her, resignation and a hint of pity in what little she could see of his face.

She’s already died before. What did she have to be afraid of?

“No.”

They tried to beat the weakness out of her. It didn’t work.

——

The reincarnation stared at the mirror, left alone in an opulent cage of gold and emeralds and precious stones that meant little to her now.

Her hands traced her back, small fingers finding purchase in soft skin. Her mouth opened fruitlessly, noise refusing to escape. She still felt the burning magic, the brand her own blood had carved into her skin and soul because she refused to kill. The chains her grandfather had shackled around her with magic and cruel amusement.

She had killed him, in the end. Obey, or be punished. Her body had moved without her permission, the reincarnation a prisoner in a body that refused to do as she commanded. The knife swung, a life taken, her hands dipped in red.

She learned a valuable lesson that day.

There were things worse than death.

“This is an order, granddaughter.”

The Magic had flared a searing heat at her neck, forcing her to kneel on broken legs. Ra’s loomed above, authority in his voice. She was bound to obey, regardless.

“You will never speak another word of affection, you will never speak another word to anyone unless I allow it. Perhaps this will teach you of your folly, and your place in this world.”

The loss of her freedom and the fear that came with it was a bitter and devastating lesson.

——

Ra’s al Ghul was so much worse than what little she knew of him.

She was right to be afraid for herself.

Her mother had worried, when she’d withdrawn and refused to speak to her. Even if she could, the reincarnation would not have wanted to. The reincarnation had felt furious, back then, when she thought of Talia. Her mother who refused to protect her. Her mother, who claimed she loved her but refused to see the chains Ra’s wrapped around her neck. She who plied the reincarnation with a supportive hand but forced her into the fighting pits.

But, as the reincarnation stumbled out on bruised and used legs from Ra’s al Ghul’s meeting chambers where he had allowed his business partners to partake in her, she realized that Ra’s was a monster in a human’s body and her mother was a victim of his making.

The lesson Ra’s taught her that day was that if she was not useful, if she did not kill, he would take what was left of her and make use of her.

Hate flared in her heart, and the beginning of Ra’s downfall began the day he let her go from the chambers alive. Injured, but alive. Injured and violated, but alive and furious.

——

She carved her hate and rage and helplessness and fear in the bodies of the people he bid her to kill. Her silenced screams were expressed in the way she splattered blood, the way she covered herself in it. A killing machine first, a stress reliever second, and a child… wasn’t on the list of things she was allowed to be.

His enemies were felled, one after another. He gave her his approval, something she detested.

But still, she continued, bodies racking upwards, tens turning to hundreds, hundreds edging into thousands.

The red in her ledger became ichor and guilt. Her language became violence and obedience.

“You have become a sharp tool, granddaughter.”

She was a genius, after all. And now, she could not disobey. A blade that Ra’s believed will never point towards him. She kneeled. She obeyed.

“Thank you, grandfather.” Her words were only allowed to come out- without searing, terrible pain- when she was thanking him. She tried not to do it as often as he wanted. He thought he broke her when he read the obedience she carved into her body language.

But she never bowed. Never. Not to him. Never.

——

“My weapon could learn much from your granddaughter,” David Cain sat across from Ra’s, wine in their stupid goblets. How she detested the green and blacks he’s seen fit to dress her with. She’s dressed provocatively, not of her own choice. She doesn’t have much of those- doesn’t have much in ways of choices- these days.

She was twelve, and Ra’s al Ghul deserved to die.

“Her combat is a higher form of what my daughter has achieved. How did you do it?”

When Ra’s began to reply, she slipped away.

She found the girl. She found… the cage- the black box- the child was placed in. The child flinched from her when she opened the metal box, fear only easing as the reincarnation kept her body language neutral and kind. (It was pitch black, and about the size of like, a closet. No light. Only from whatever door the box had.) (Cass’ hands hurt from banging on the walls to be let out)

David Cain’s daughter, her mind whispered, the memories of another life once more making itself known.

“Cassandra.” She whispered, regretting it immediately when pain wracked her body. She fell to her knees as the punishment for disobeying an order slammed into her.

The girl looked at her in concern, but did not move closer. The reincarnation stared at this girl and saw a reflection of herself.

David Cain would be here for a month. She will free Cassandra in those days.

——

The weapon stared at the girl in front of her, kneeling in pain.

She did not understand.

-

The girl came back. Water. Food. Kind.

The weapon felt warm. The girl was quiet. No sounds. Good. The weapon knew the girl understood. The weapon thinks that the girl is a weapon too.

-

The girl comes back, again. This time, she makes a sound. It hurt her, but she did it again. The weapon understands when the girl points at herself and repeats the sound. The sound means the girl. The girl expects something from the weapon.

The weapon makes the sound, flinching to see if the owner will come to punish it. The girl purposefully sits, relaxed but vigilant… and protective. Of the weapon?

The weapon relaxed. It repeated the sound, pointing at the girl.

The girl smiles, in pain. But approval. The weapon feels- the weapon is warm, like under the blanket. Approval.

The girl teaches her to make sounds but the weapon communicates without it. It does not like the sounds, does not need them, but the girl seems to think it’s important.

The weapon likes the girl, so the weapon learns. They still understand through no sounds, through reading each other.

-

The girl comes back, silently. Secretly. The weapon does not notify the owner. The weapon feels- does not want to.

The girl- the girl with the sound- she says a different sound. Her body tells the weapon that it’s important, this sound.

And when the girl points at herself and says her own sound, then points at the weapon and says that new sound again, the weapon begins to understand.

The girl had given the weapon her own sound.

“Cass—n- ra.”

“Cass,” the girl said, and Cassandra understood.

“Cass.” Cassandra pointed to herself.

-

The owner wanted- wanted Cassandra to end a life. Cassandra watched the owner kill and gesture to the dead thing.

Cassandra did not want to.

When Cassandra is placed back into the pitch black box, she waited for the girl.

The girl came.

“Don’t want.” Cassandra clung to her, reading the welcome and the sadness in the girl’s body. Cassandra tucked her face into the girl’s shoulder. She is cold. The girl is warm.

The girl hugged her back. The girl understood. Sadness hardened into lines of determination. Cassandra felt… light. Felt hope.

-

Cassandra slipped away from the place, water in her pack for the dessert and money to run from the country. The girl stayed behind, seeing her off. The girl tells her to never come back.

Cassandra did not want to leave the girl behind, but the girl could not go.

“Be free, Cass.” The girl had whispered through the pain. “For the both of us.”

——

Her grandfather knew. He allowed David Cain to break her, not kill because she was of use to him still, as a lesson. She found that she hated his lessons. But, she hated his attention more.

And still, she could not regret. How could she, when Cass trusted her with what fragile hope she had?

So, she lets him beat her, and provokes him with smirks and fearless eyes because the longer he’s focused on her, the more time Cass has to run.

Then, he gets too angry, and insults Ra’s, whose eyes grew cold. Her grandfather gestured and while she usually hated the command that followed that gesture, she could not feel that hatred now.

She got back up, legs broken and arms twisted once more, and attacked David Cain.

Ra’s would not follow Cass. Not when she was not his business to deal with, and not when David Carin’s fury amused him so.

David Cain would not follow Cass. Not while she still drew breath. The reincarnation stood, and threw herself at one of the best assassins of the century.

She tore his throat out with nothing but her teeth. She felt, for once, not like a monster. Not even when Ra’s nodded in approval and ordered for David Cain’s broken body to be cleaned up.

——

She’s been granted a mission in New Jersey, once her months of discipline- of torture- ended. She does not get ordered to find Cassandra. She’s fourteen now, and as silent as ever. Her mother had adjusted to her silence by then- long ago, actually, taking it as a quirk her daughter had developed. She hadn’t been a terribly vocal child, after all. Talia praised her for being useful even as a woman- the self degradation something the reincarnation had no doubt Ra’s had insidiously trained into Talia- and for being loyal to Ra’s.

Sometimes, she hates Talia for being- for-

Never mind. She couldn’t afford to hate anyone else.

She killed her targets early, determination and wistfulness urging her movements into sharp . Then, she made her way to Gotham and slipped into the city of darkness- where her father was.

She watched as he hid in the shadows almost as easily as she did. She watched as he flew and glided with the younger Robin. (He was younger than her by a year. She checked.) He was free. They were free.

She wished…

As she turned away, she saw a child tumbling from the edge of a roof. It was an instinct she’d thought Ra’s had managed to bury after the months he’d spent making sure she killed only children.

She hated him.

She caught him, swooping in and tucking him against her side as she plucked him from the air and plopped him back onto the crumbling roof of Gotham’s slums.

“Oh, thank you! So much- are you a vigilante?” The boy asked, looking at her masked face. It’s a good thing she wasn’t exactly dressed like a regular League operative.

She shook her head. Her eyes fell onto his camera, faint memories rising once more. She had an inkling-

“I’m- uh- Tim!” The boy introduced himself nervously, edging away from her silence. “Thank you for saving me…?”

She nodded. She pointed to the camera, tilting her head.

“Oh- you… want to see it?” He clutched his camera closer. Oh, he did have some sense of self preservation. She wondered why a seven year old was allowed to roam these streets… but she did worse at seven.

She held her hand up and back up. The boy hesitated, and then showed her the camera. “Uh- I took pictures of Robin and Batman!”

They sat on that roof for hours, and she let Tim Drake tell her stories about her father and his son. Ward. Son.

She could tell that Tim didn’t have anyone to listen to him.

She didn’t have long until she had to go back or risk severe punishment, but… she could make time for Tim, to listen to him.

She wondered if Cass managed to escape completely. She wondered if her sister all but in name and blood learned how to smile.

——

Tim had never had a friend before!

She listened to him! And gave him hugs the one time he was brave enough to ask! And she seemed to like Batman and Robin as much as he did! No one who didn’t like them would listen to his endless rambling otherwise, right? (Tim was super skinny, like ribs poking out skinny. He looked like a sickly Victorian child and he was kind of cold)

“And then, Robin went like this,” he pantomimed the awesome punch Dick Grayson did on a Joker goon. “And the guys got knocked out just like that!”

His new friend nodded, looking interested.

“Sorry, am I talking too much?” Tim asked anxiously. He didn’t want to make his friend hate him!

She shook her head, and gestured for him to continue.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded.

His new friend was so cool! She even taught him how to throw a punch and to fight!

——

When she had to leave, she prepared Tim for it.

“Do you have to go?”

She nodded and placed a hand on his head, ruffling his hair. Her other hand held a duffle bag with an assortment of weapons she carefully kept from him. (One of the blades still had guts on it, which, ew.)

“Try not to fall off anymore roofs, little photographer.” She said, smiling at his shocked look before leaping away.

“Wait, you can talk?!” He shouted at her back. She smiled a little wider.

——

“A son, this time.” Ra’s al Ghul’s voice echoed in his disgustingly flashy throne room. It rings of approval.

The reincarnation stood behind her mother, eyes cast downwards.

“Well done, Talia. I finally have a worthy heir.”

Damian al Ghul cooed.

The reincarnation was scared. But… she could not allow her younger brother to be trapped like she was. She’s fifteen now, a decade of slavery having worn her down and nearly broken her. But with her brother… no, she could not allow it.

She met her mother’s eyes and knew then that they agreed. Protect Damian, at all costs.

She ignored the sting of envy. So what her mother could not find it in herself to protect her daughter? So long as she protected Damian, it didn’t matter.

Maybe she didn’t matter. Maybe she wasn’t worth anything. Maybe- maybe- maybe.

She also ignored the seed of disgust she had for mother’s actions in conceiving Damian. She couldn’t do anything about it. Talia was also a victim.

A louder voice in her asked if she could really excuse that, when Talia had a choice and she chose to hurt and violate Bruce Wayne like that. She wondered if she could truly ever forgive Talia. She wondered if Bruce Wayne got therapy.

——

She stared at the tome in front of her, eyes blank. (Actually, she had no eyes. Like? Empty sockets, but then later she had eyes???)

The brand- the shackles- the chains could only be broken if Ra’s died. She wasn’t opposed to that. But if he died, so did she. She couldn’t even kill herself to get out, because the chains would be there even if she died. If she was revived- a high chance, thanks to the fucking pits- then the chains would still be there.

Perhaps… she could use the pits?

Her mind turned and turned.

——

“This is your ukht.” Her mother pointed at her. Damian stared up at her, and she melted. Her brother was too damn cute.

“Ukhti?”

She nodded as her mother smiled in joy. “Yes, habibi.”

She was better at hiding the pain, now. She was better at enduring it, too, that fucking burning feeling. She spoke more, but only to Damian.

It would not do for her brother to grow up not knowing how to receive verbal expressions of affection. Not like she did, in this life.

Still, it hurt to speak. But then, she had an idea, based on Cassandra.

She could not speak, but speaking wasn’t the only way of communication. She’ll teach Damian sign language- standard, as commanded- but also her own version. Yes, she could do it. It wouldn’t be hard.

She was a genius, after all, and creating languages wasn’t as hard as people seem to think.

——

Damian copied her, small fingers patting his hand four times.

She did it back to him. “I love you.” She tells him, with sounds and with motions.

He does it back, excitedly, because he had a secret with ukhti!

——

Sometimes, she dared not to touch Damian. She wants to ruffle his hair and give him hugs but the ichor on her hands reminds her to not get to greedy. She did not deserve it.

Not when her hands were stained with the lives of so many people.

——

Another mission.

She was twenty now, and not much closer to escaping her bonds. Though, once she hit her majority, Ra’s lost interest in her in that way. A blessing, even if she had to seduce his “business partners” into giving him better deals more often now.

She stops by Bludhaven. The Robin she watched so many years ago- six, by her count- had grown new wings and moved. She wanted to see if he could fly still.

He could. He flew as free- no, freer than his days as Robin.

She dipped away to complete her mission (nuclear weapon trading, really?) and swings back to see a spider trying to break the former Robin’s wings.

“No.” Nightwing whispered, staring upwards at the cloudy sky blankly. “Please, stop.”

She didn’t need to hear any more. She saw red, and dove feet first straight onto the spider’s head, knocking her out.

She picked up a near-catatonic Nightwing, and helped him to his apartment. She left Tarantula in the rain and felt zero guilt about it.

He changed mechanically, some kind of instinct keeping him from removing his domino, but it was a bit pointless considering she escorted him to his personal apartment.

She watched as Nightwing slipped into an exhausted sleep before leaving. She had a spider to squish, and traces to hide.

——

Dick wakes up, drained and exhausted. He… someone saved him.

He sees a scrawled note, handwriting impeccable enough to be a font, written with his pen. He picked it up from his table, and his eyes tiredly read the message.

“Don’t worry about Tarantula. Or your identity.”- A friend.

He remembered- the mask- the mask of the stranger that saved him vividly. He’d remember. And he’d thank them if they ever came back.

——

She was in charge of training assassins, these days. A year and a half later after Bludhaven, she was back in Nanda Parbat, and she’s devoured every magical tome she could get her hands on. They all say the same things.

Her assassins were trained well, and Ra’s praises her with more responsibilities as he followed the pit in his obsessions. Her mother began to splinter the group, not knowing that as Ra’s began his descent into madness, people looked towards her instead of Talia for leadership. They did not know that her unwavering presence by Ra’s side wasn’t voluntary but it is their true that she became his right hand out of pure skill. And flawless obedience, of course.

Then, someone new joins.

Someone with pit rage and empty eyes that goes rigid when she approaches.

Then again, most of the operatives freeze up when she walks towards them.

Her memories roar. A child.

He bowed, and her eyes followed the streak of white hair at the forefront of his skull.

She gestured at him to follow, and ignored the pitiful eyes the rest of the assassins gave to the kid- they act like her training was hard when she went easy on them (it was)- and led the kid towards the training rooms.

She knew who he was, even if her grandfather and mother didn’t think she knew.

Her… Bruce Wayne would probably appreciate his son being returned relatively sane.

But first, she had to beat the Pit out of him. Then, she could assign body guarding duties to him, in an attempt to protect him.

——

“Grandfather, I will take Damian’s punishment.”

“A whipping girl, granddaughter?” But he nodded anyways. He made Damian watch.

She kneeled and allowed the punishment. She couldn’t always protect him from Ra’s, but this she could do anytime. It’s not like she was unfamiliar with the torture. (The whip had barbs. Rusty. And they sprinkled salt.)

——

“I liked poetry….” Jason Todd tells her after a training session. “I think.”

“Sure. I’ll call you Grave, then.” Pain. But she was used to it.

He tilted his head, eyes going blank once more. She sighed. There went his memories again. (His eyes were blank and glazed. Like looking at someone you love and knowing they’re looking through you.)

——

“I would not trust her,” she says to the air, next to a Red Hood emerging from Talia al Ghul’s chambers. She could see it, the beginnings of Gotham’s new crime lord. But still, “Talia al Ghul is known for her lies.”

She pushed away from the wall. It was up to Grave if he listened. It was out of her hands now.

——

She’s twenty-five, and she’s helping Damian pack for his first meeting with Bruce Wayne.

“You must not tell him about me.” Because he’d come rushing here, and she had worked too hard to save Damian for her fool of a father to come and ruin all of that effort.

“I promise.” Her little brother said solemnly. Ukhti said it out loud, which meant it was important and she expected him to keep that promise.

The only other time he’d heard her speak was to tell him she loved him.

The reincarnation smiled and told him through their special sign language, to treat the current Robin with respect and to try his best to get the current Robin to pass down his title.

‘Robin is earned. They have different rules, over there. Try your best to learn those rules.’

Her brother was sheltered. She loved him, but he was spoilt and sheltered. Of course she was worried. Talia barely mothered him.

“I know. You do not have to remind me so often, ukhti.”

She smiled, and patted his head.

“Be safe,” she whispered. “I will miss you.”

Damian darted in for a hug. “Of course. Goodbye, sister. See you soon.”

She hoped not. It was hard enough to convince Ra’s that Damian would learn more under Bruce Wayne.

(She was locked in a small closet- like Cass- for about a week, because she brought up the idea first.)

——

She found it.

The answer to pit rage laid in an old, all but crumbling tome from Atlantis- answers “from a ghost.”

——

Bruce Wayne died. Months after Damian came to live with him. That- irritating- she sighed and worked with her mother to turn Ra’s al Ghul’s attention away from Gotham, lest he called Damian back in Bruce Wayne’s absence.

The little photographer caught grandfather’s attention. She stood vigil as he played chess with Ra’s. His interest in Damian wavered. Anticipation blurred in her veins.

She saved his friends. Her assassins. She let them go, telling them to wait for the little photographer’s plan. (Y’all miss girl had fucking bloody handprints on her pants like someone tried to grab it.)

The first few people who had an inking she might not be loyal to Ra’s… and it was them.

When her other assassins attacked Red Robin, she cut them down before they could touch him, helping him with a furious League of Spiders or whatever operative. She hated spiders.

“What…?”

“You’re a lot of trouble, little photographer.” She sighed. His jaw dropped.

“It’s you!”

“Go,” she cut him off. “Blow this place up. I left a surprise for you outside.”

——

“Owens?! Z?!” Tim trembled, exhaustion and shock and wonder hitting him at once.

“Heya, boss!” Z chirped. Owens helped Tim up while Z helped Tam. Pry walked around them, looking out for further threats. “The nightmare trainer let us go. She knew you, I think.”

Tim smiles, all shark teeth and zero hero. (In the background, the song zero to hero from Hercules 2, played in reverse.) “Tell me more.”

——

Damian grunted, bracing himself for the magical creature’s attack.

“Robin!” His father barked out, panicked. Damian hoped he’d survive-

Shhhlk!

He looked up and there stood his ukht. She bounded forwards, using the odd fauna of the magical plane to bolster her movements as she sliced the creatures apart with her swords, magic humming brightly as she cut through them… and the magicians attacking them.

“What- what are you doing here?” He asked. She greeted him, three fingers curled over her shoulder.

‘My question is,’ she signed. ‘Why were you here without a magical weapon.’

Damian sighed as father stepped in between them.

“Who are you.”

“Batman. Cease your excessive worry. I trust her with my life,” Damian snapped. He stepped around a shocked Batman, looked him in the eyes, and unsheathed his katana. He handed it over to his ukht, who took it with amusement.

‘See?’ His eyes seemed to say. Father tensed when his sister unsheathed her own blade and handed it to him.

‘Are you here for a specific reason?’ His sister signed to him.

“Uh, you gonna introduce us, little man?”

Damian sent the Flash a derisive look and ignored him.

“We’re looking for a magician. He set a squadron of demons loose into D.C. last night. He has a tower.” Damian added.

“Robin,” Father growled. “Who is this.” Damian shot him a look and turned back to his sister.

The reincarnation tilted her head. ‘Tower… it’ll have to be that way.’

“Could you take us there?” Damian asked. Truthfully, he could find the way himself. But he wanted more time around his ukht. She nodded and Damian straightened.

“I feel like we should be concerned that Robin’s friend just murdered a bunch of people.”

His sister glanced back and ignored them.

“Silence, incompetents. Speak another word against her, and Batman’s no killing rule will be applied creatively.” He hissed. (The fucking surroundings hissed with him y’all what the fuck)

He turned when his sister ruffled his hair (Superman muttered a super shocked “what the fuck.”) and Damian allowed it. He had missed his sister.

——

#I have vivid nightmares #batman #oc in dc #dc #batman fic #idea for a fic I definitely don’t have the time to write #reincarnation #isekai #once more my brain has seen fit to fuck me over #tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon #like holy shit what the fuck #brain what is wrong with you #tim drake #jason todd #Damian Wayne #Damian Wayne’s older sister #dp reference lol #couldn’t resist #oc gets Isekaid and proceeds to have a shit of a time #y’all there’s a second part to this shit #it’s a long ass dream

[wingedblooms]

Elain Archeron, member of The Tortured Poets Department

i’m hearing voices like a madman - so high school

i’m seeing visions / am I bad or mad or wise? - guilty as sin?

you can mark my words that I said it first / in a mourning warning, no one heard - cassandra

and for a fortnight there, we were forever - fortnight

leaving me bereft and reeling / my beloved ghost and me / sitting in a tree / d-y-i-n-g - how did it end?

i saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist - so long, london

i cry a lot, but I am so productive, it's an art - i can do it with a broken heart

but my bare hands paved their paths / you don't get to tell me about "sad" - who’s afraid of little old me?

so I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street / crash the party like a record scratch as I scream / "who's afraid of little old me?" / you should be - who’s afraid of little old me?

i hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind - i hate it here

one slip and fallin' back into the hedge maze […] i keep recalling things we never did - guilty as sin?

these fatal fantasies / giving way to labored breath, takin' all of me / we’ve already done it in my head / if it's make-believe / why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow? - guilty as sin?

wise men once said / "one bad seed kills the garden" / "one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen" / locked me up in towers / but I'd visit in your dreams / and they tried to warn you about me - the albatross

a rose by any other name is a scandal / cautions issued, he stood - the albatross

i spied the catch in your breath - i look in people’s windows

what if I roll the stone away? / they’re gonna crucify me anyway / what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy? - guilty as sin?

"stay away from her" / the saboteurs protested too much - but daddy i love him

crashin' into him tonight, he's a paradox - guilty as sin?

it’s happenin' again / how did it end? / i can't pretend like I understand - how did it end?

this cage was once just fine / am I allowed to cry? / i dream of crackin' locks - guilty as sin?

thought I caught lightning in a bottle / oh, but it's gone again […] please / i’ve been on my knees / change the prophecy / don't want money / just someone who wants my company / let it once be me - the prophecy

cards on thе table / mine play out like fools in a fablе […] poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand / oh, still I dream of him - the prophecy

lilac short skirt, the one that fits me like skin […] and I'll tell you one thing, honey / i can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean - imgonnagetyouback

i, i hear thе whispers in your eyes / i’ll make you wanna think twice / you'll find that you were never not mine / (you’re mine) - imgonnagetyouback

'cause the sign on your heart / said it's still reserved for me / honestly, who are we to fight thе alchemy? - the alchemy

i'll tell you something right now / i’d rather burn my whole life down […] i'll tell you something 'bout my good name / it’s mine alone to disgrace / i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing - but daddy i love him

if long-suffering propriety is what they want from me / they don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly / i choose you and me religiously - guilty as sin?

#elain archeron #member of the tortured poets department #elriel #ttpd lyrics #elain 🤝 taylor swift #the tortured poets department

[hayakawalove]

Test of Love (Chapter Three)

Chapter Three

All Chapters

Summary: After finding out about the connection between the two boys, you find yourself in a world of confusion. At least Gojo is there to help you through it.

A/N: Just to remind everyone, if you like this fic I have tons of other poly satosugu fics too, although they aren't long fics.

CW: Smut, cunnilingus, angst, nipple play, dirty talk, Female Reader, AFAB Reader W/C: 7,062

Credit to @benkeibear for the banner

“Satoru, you said you wouldn’t be back until 11.” Suguru chides, throwing over his shoulder. 

Satoru. Satoru as in… 

You peek your head around the tall man in front of you, catching sight of Gojo lounging on his couch, long arms spread behind him. A low ringing kicks up in your ears as you tear your eyes away from him, bringing them to look up at Suguru. They must be talking, but you don’t hear it. Your mind is on repeat as you force yourself to connect the dots. 

“You’re asshole?” You feel your lips move. 

Gojo narrows his eyes at you like he isn’t sure what you’re talking about before he glares at Suguru. 

“You haven’t changed my name yet?” He pouts. 

“I think it’s quite fitting, don’t you?” Suguru answers back. 

“And you’re Geto?” You glance up at Suguru. 

He’s wearing a soft smile, eyes pinched up as you work through the moment. 

“That would be me, yeah.” 

However intoxicated you felt earlier in the night was suddenly gone. The reality of the situation seeps in your bones. 

“Oh, you must be the unknown number in her phone.” Gojo looks up towards the ceiling, recalling your earlier conversation. 

“You don’t know what my number is? We’ve been together for years.” 

“There’s never been a need to memorize it!”

“And this is why your name is asshole in my phone.” Suguru shakes his head, ushering you inside before closing the door. 

The two are arguing but it’s hard to hear them over the pounding in your head. They were dating? They seemed so different, but when you were looking at them now you were starting to realize all the similarities. It was in the little things, like how they spoke and how they held themselves. 

Even if the evidence was laid out in front of you, it was still hard to believe it. 

Not only were they dating, but Suguru was a sorcerer. An amazing one. 

“Hold on, you were seeing two guys who were in open relationships, and you didn’t think they were the same?” Gojo asks, his eyes looking over his sunglasses, staring through you. “That’s kind of on you.” 

He wasn’t completely wrong. 

“Shut up Satoru, you didn’t know either.” Suguru says. 

Gojo clicks his tongue, dragging his eyes from you to Suguru. 

“And you did?” 

“I did, but nice try.” 

You furrow your brows and gawk at Suguru. He knew and didn’t tell you? A strike of betrayal shoots through you. You looked like an idiot now, and Suguru knew? 

“For how long?” You find yourself asking. 

“I was never positive. I could sense your cursed energy. Satoru told me about a teacher from school he’s been seeing. Not many teachers our age who are Jujutsu sorcerers.” 

You drag your eyes to the ground, listening to his explanation. There was a chance he could have been wrong, but he had a point, the odds of that were low. 

“How come I can’t see your cursed energy?” You question. 

“Masking it. I usually do when meeting new people. You don’t know what people’s intentions are.” 

There’s a pit in your stomach, and you can’t force yourself to look at either of them. Did you even really know Suguru if he was keeping this from you? 

You felt like a fucking idiot. 

“Here, why don’t I get you some water. Sit down.” Suguru guides you towards the couch, next to Gojo whose eyes follow your every movement. 

Suguru’s palm on your back feels like an iron weight as he moves you. Minutes ago his tongue was down your throat and now you didn’t want him touching you. 

Suguru takes his leave to grab you water, leaving you to sit alone with Gojo. The silence is deafening as you sit next to each other, his eyes on you. You think he must be using his technique to see if he could find any answers in you. He comes up dry. You weren’t sure what you felt. 

“Here.” Suguru’s voice is soft as he stands in front of you, a cool water bottle resting in his hand. 

You reach out for it and crack it open, allowing the cold liquid to flow down your throat. 

“Were you bringing her here to have sex?” Gojo asks. 

You try not to choke on the water but you’re left sputtering. Suguru’s brows are furrowed as he looks at Gojo. 

“Yes, why?” 

“Our bed? I mean, now that I know who it is I don’t care but like really?” 

“We agreed on-“ 

You tighten the cap back on the bottle and look up, forcing your eyes to drag between the two. They were fighting like an old married couple. That sounded about right, considering they’ve been together for a long time. 

“Guys.” You break your silence. 

Both of their eyes fall to you, a mixture of concern on Suguru’s face while Gojo’s shows expectant eyes. 

What do you even say? 

“I’m sorry. Sometimes Satoru and I argue.” Suguru admits, his face pointing downward to look at you. 

You felt so small between their gazes. 

“And I’m sorry for not telling you. I should have. I just didn’t know when to bring it up.” 

The apology does little to quell your anger, but you don’t say anything. 

“Actually, this makes sense. Us seeing the same girl. I mean doesn’t it? Now that we all know, we could just be together.” Gojo says. 

“Or you could be with us separately, I mean that’s more boring I think-“ he continues. 

“Satoru.” 

The way he says Gojo’s name causes a chill to run up your spine. Gojo immediately closes his mouth. You’ve never seen that happen before. Suguru sighs and slides a hand down his face. He sits next to you, caging you in between the two of them. You really felt small. Their broad frames lock you in, leaving you feeling jittery. Silence overtakes the room. 

“What do you wanna do now?” Suguru asks, checking his watch. “You can crash here if you want or I can take you back home. We can figure this all out another time when it’s not so late.” 

You play with the hem of your dress, the same hem Suguru ran his fingers along, while thinking. You didn’t really want to be here any longer, but you also didn’t wanna be home. It was hard to decide which was worse. 

“Take me home.” You notice as the two of them visibly deflate at your words. 

“Okay.” Suguru stands up again, offering you his hand which you don’t take. 

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” Gojo says. 

You mumble an agreement before keeping your eyes down as you follow Suguru to the door. He says goodbye to Gojo before opening the door, letting you walk out first.

The apartment building looks much different than it did initially, as you no longer had a heavy cloud of lust over your head. The halls still made you dizzy, but for an entirely different reason. When you get to the bottom floor, you see one of the attendants raise a brow at you, no doubt wondering what had occurred. 

You follow Suguru to his car without speaking, only murmuring a thanks when he opens your car door for you. He did that earlier in the night too, and you found it so sweet. Yet his actions felt somehow disingenuous now that you learned he was hiding a major part about himself. 

You were hiding something as well, but that was because you had no idea who he was. Suguru had no excuse. 

Suguru slides in his seat before starting the car. The air between you is awkward now, with both of your minds racing. He navigates his way easily to your house, as there weren’t as many cars on the street. You don’t speak, but neither does he. What would either of you even say? ‘I'm sorry that I didn’t tell you my boyfriend was the other man you’re seeing. Also I’m a Jujutsu sorcerer.’ ‘It’s okay, it’s fine that you didn’t tell me those things even if they are big parts about who you are.’ It was a strange situation to put it mildly. You rest your head against the window and keep your eyes squeezed shut, hoping this was all a dream. 

The car stops and when your eyes flutter open you see your apartment in front of the car. Suguru makes no move, so you lean forward to get out. 

“Look, I-“ he says, his hand reaching forward to grab your bare leg. He stops short, clenching his fist before flexing his fingers. 

You wished the warmth of his hand would comfort you right now. 

“I really am sorry. I should have told you. I just didn’t know when to bring it up. That’s not an excuse. I’m sorry.” He has the nerve to sound genuine. 

You turn to look up at him and see the worry sketching his face. You hadn’t known him for a long time, but you wanted to believe in his honesty. Suguru waits for you to say something, but you can’t find any words to fix the situation.

“Thank you for taking me home.” You say, opening your car door and slipping out. 

Suguru’s car remains parked until you reach your apartment, only driving away once you’re inside. You knew it was sick, but you wanted them to beg you to stay. You weren’t even sure why. 

When you get inside, you immediately start to strip. Maybe a shower would make you feel better. You stand in front of your bathroom mirror, dragging your eyes across your body. You were right, a bruise was beginning to form on your thigh from where Suguru gripped you. Your eyes glide down to your throat where you see multiple marks caused by his mouth. 

They’re tender to the touch as you slide your hand down your body, reminiscing about the night. You were having so much fun, why did the night have to end like this? 

The water burns your skin as you step inside, but you make no move to adjust the temperature. You were hoping the heat would snap you out, waking you from this dream. It didn’t, making you come to terms that this was really happening. 

When you’re finished with the shower you jump out and throw old pajamas on, before sliding under the covers. 

You dream about tufts of white hair and fox eyes. 

~~~

You don’t talk to Suguru when you wake up in the morning. He doesn’t text you either. You’re sure it’s under the guise of giving you space, but you’re not sure that’s what you want. 

You were conflicted, wanting to pretend like nothing happened while simultaneously also being mad. 

It’s your class’s rotation on standing guard outside to ensure no attacks are made, and so far nothing has happened. You sit next to them, only turning around when it becomes quiet. Yuuta’s leaned against a tree, drool pooling at the corner of his lips while he slept. Maki wasn’t far off either, her head bobbing as she tried to stay awake. They had been out here for the past several hours, so you couldn’t blame them. Even you were beginning to feel tired. You check your phone, noting the time. There were two hours left of the shift, but you couldn’t force yourself to wake them up. They were only kids, even though they had seen more than most adults, and they worked hard. You figured you might as well complete the shift, it wasn’t like you had anything better to do. 

You nudge them awake and tell them to go back to their dorms. Maki tries to argue, but relents after you give her a deadpan stare. You watch as their silhouettes disappear, immediately feeling a sense of loneliness crawl over you. You stretch your arms and legs, and sit against the ground. Looking up you notice it was a clear night, the moon bright as stars filled the sky.

You aren’t sure how much time passes, only the sounds of crickets and wind keeping you company. Your lids are heavy as you try to make yourself stay awake, the slow humming of night life lulling you to sleep. 

“Hey, what’re you doing out here alone?” 

“Jesus- fuck!” You jump and look beside you, seeing Gojo standing next to you. 

You will your heart to calm down before you respond to him. 

“Yaga should put a bell on you.” You flick your eyes back up to him. 

“He tried, I said it was kinky then he promptly took it off.” 

You snort and look back up at the moon. 

“My students were starting to fall asleep so I let them go early.” 

“You look seconds from passing out yourself.” 

He got you there. 

“Are you mad at Suguru?” He questions. 

You sigh and lean back against your hands. It was comforting to have someone else here. Gojo was always a nice person to have around, and it wasn’t just because of his strength. You genuinely liked his presence. 

“He just- wait, how did you know?” 

“I didn’t but you just confirmed it. Although you weren’t really being subtle yesterday.” 

You glance back at Gojo, noting how he appeared under the moonlight. Ethereal wasn’t enough to describe him. The light bounced off his hair, reflecting a white shine that almost hurt to look at. He was in his normal outfit, including the blindfold. You were a bit disappointed, you wanted to see what his eyes looked like under the stars. 

“He just… why didn't he tell us?” Your voice sounds pathetic as you speak, but you aren’t ashamed. 

Gojo sighs and runs a hand through his hair. You watch the strands part for his fingers, and you can’t help but wish it was your palm. 

“I think he just didn’t know when to bring it up. It doesn’t really change anything, does it?” 

When he worded it like that, no, it didn’t. You still couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal though. 

“I guess not, I just don’t understand.” 

“Suguru’s a good guy. He doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body. He never would have done it to hurt you.” 

The Suguru you knew didn’t seem like the type of person to go out of his way to hurt you. But after the events of yesterday, you weren’t even really sure you knew Suguru. Several days ago you thought he was just a normal guy, only to find out he was not only a sorcerer, but one of the strongest to have ever existed. 

Crickets chirp behind you, and you watch the city lights in front of you. You were at the bottom of the hill of the school, but it was still elevated enough where you could see most of Tokyo, the city lights shimmering beneath you. 

It really didn’t change anything, did it? Knowing the two of them were together didn’t affect how you felt about either of them. If anything, it did make things easier like Gojo said. They probably didn’t think you were stupid either, even though Gojo taunted you. As you think about it, your anger starts to dissipate. You aren’t even sure why you were so mad. Suguru definitely should have said something, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. And you definitely should’ve figured it out yourself. 

“You guys met a while ago, huh?” 

A soft grin breaks across Gojo’s face and you can feel the love radiating off of him. 

“We met in highschool. I was a dick back then. No one understood me. It was kind of hard, I wasn’t used to my curse technique yet so it was lonely.” Gojo takes a moment to think. “It was like I was the only one who could see color, and everyone around me couldn’t.”

You feel your chest tighten at his words. You had never seen him be so open before. 

Gojo lets out a quiet chuckle. 

“But here Suguru comes. And he can see. He can see all the red, blues, and yellows of the world. I didn’t think anyone else would be able to, but he proved that wrong.” 

You can see the affection pouring from his body. 

“And that’s how it was. It was just us two for awhile. The whole world was blind, but that didn’t matter because we could see.”

Gojo looks down at you and you feel exposed. You often felt that way whenever he looked at you. You weren’t sure if it was because of his technique or because he was Gojo, but whenever he looked at you you felt like he could see every secret, every emotion, and every thought you had. 

“Why don’t we get out of here? It’s late.” Gojo shuts the conversation down, but you’re positive he could keep talking about Suguru if you gave him the chance. 

“There’s still time left on my shift.” You look at your phone and see that there’s 15 minutes left. 

As it was so late, other students wouldn’t be replacing you. It was just going to be a handful of other sorcerers who had nothing better to do in the middle of the night.

“They don’t need to know.” Gojo offers a hand to you, and you take it. “Let’s go to my house. Suguru won’t be home and I can get us something to eat.” 

You think about it for a moment. It would be nice to have more alone time with Gojo. When you accept, you see a goofy grin on his face. 

~~~

When the two of you get to his apartment the lights are off. The atmosphere was different compared to yesterday when the three of you occupied the space. You follow behind Gojo and listen as he talks about his day, your eyes lingering around the space. 

It was neat, neater than you would have given him credit for. The inside wasn’t that colorful, but you noticed pops of reds and blues on the couch and on the artwork. It was weird to be inside Gojo’s house, it made him seem more normal. People treat him as if he’s a god, but seeing a glimpse into his life proved to you he wasn’t that much different compared to other people. He still had a living room with shitty decorations, just like everyone else. 

Gojo excuses himself to get changed into more comfortable clothes and you’re left sitting on the couch, the same one you sat on yesterday. Memories flood your mind from the previous night. The way they looked and how you felt next to them. It was stifling, and that wasn’t just because of the tension in the air. Being with the two of them made you nervous. You understood why people were afraid of them, not that you were. They were strong, dignified, and seeing them next to each other only made you realize how hot they truly were. Their differences complimented each other, lights and darks mixing into something tempting. 

Your eyes trail along the couch. It was comfortable and there was no doubt in your mind that Gojo spent a small fortune on it. This whole house probably cost more than you would see in your lifetime. 

“What do you want to drink?” Gojo calls, entering the kitchen. 

“Just water is fine.” 

“Boring.” You hear a crack of a soda can opening. 

Gojo comes back to you with a water bottle in his hand, and a can of soda in his other as he takes a sip from it. He’s wearing a loose shirt with old shorts, the fabric drowning out his normally mouth watering frame. He sits next to you, his knees knocking against yours. The situation feels entirely domestic, as if you always come home at night to sit with him.

“So, have you decided what you want to do yet?” 

You knew what he was talking about. Not much time had passed, but you were thinking about it. You did want to keep seeing them, Suguru included. You just needed to fix things with him first. 

“I want to keep seeing you guys, but I’m not sure if I can at the same time yet. You’re kind of overwhelming.” 

Gojo lets out a good natured laugh and agrees.

“We don’t all have to go out on dates together or have sex together until you’re ready.” 

Now why did he have to put that image in your brain? Thoughts of Gojo and Suguru above you started to cloud your mind, making your throat tighten. 

“I just need to get Suguru in my good graces again.” You murmur. 

“What, and I’m in your good graces?” Gojo asks incredulously. 

“For now. Who knows what you’ll get up to to piss me off.” You crack a smile. 

As you talk with him, you can’t help but think, why did they even want you in the first place? Gojo knew you from school, sure, but that didn’t mean you were special. And you were a complete stranger to Suguru. 

“Hey Gojo?” 

Gojo hums and turns his focus to you. 

“Earlier you said everyone else was blind compared to you and Suguru,” you take a deep breath “what if I’m blind too?” 

Gojo waits until you stop talking before he speaks. 

“I was a kid when I felt that way and an asshole. Although I’m not sure that part has changed. Suguru’s never felt like that. He’s always been good with people, well, he's usually good with people. You must make him nervous.” 

You feel your face heat up and you dart your eyes to the ground, wondering how you could make someone like Suguru nervous. 

“And I haven’t been flirting with you for this long without having my reasons. I like you. Suguru does too.” The revelation makes your chest tighten. It wasn’t a secret, but hearing it out loud made your heart race. 

The way he was talking was almost too sweet. 

When you turn your head to look at him again, you notice he’s more closer than before. His eyes are drawn to you, flicking over your face, and you can see that he’s thinking. Of what, you wonder. Gojo reaches out and plays with a piece of your hair and grins to himself. 

“Plus you’re hot too so that wins you brownie points.” 

You click your tongue and reach out to nudge his chest. He grabs your hand before you can make contact, and laces his fingers through yours. His hand is cold, his long fingers intertwining with yours. His infinity was off. You drag your eyes back up to his, neither of you looking away. The mood of the room shifts as you feel things start to fall into place. 

The two of you had been playing this game for a long time, and it was finally starting to catch up to you. Years of playful banter and stolen glances all leading up to this. 

His eyes drag to your lips where he notices you’re biting the bottom one, a look of desperation beginning to show in your eyes. 

“Suguru left you hanging yesterday, didn’t he?” 

“Mhm.” Your breathing starts to get heavy. 

Technically, he was the one who left you hanging. But you knew that he knew that. In Gojo’s defense, Suguru and you could have continued once you got home. You just didn’t. 

Gojo brings a thumb up to rest on your bottom lip, gently pulling down until your teeth pop off it, the saliva inside your mouth gleaming in the low light. You clench your other hand at your side, close to flying it up to grip him. You can smell the sickly sweet scent coming from his breath, the orange soda lingering on his tastebuds. 

“How mean of him.” Gojo coos at you before leaning in closer to you. 

He replaces his thumb with his lips, pressing his mouth against yours. Your brows furrow as you grip his shirt, holding him close to you as you kiss. This kiss felt so much better than the one at school. Gojo wraps a hand around your waist and lifts you up on his lap. Your hands comb through his white hair, enjoying the way the white strands feel in your fingers. You finally had Gojo all to yourself. There was no school, no curses, no Suguru. 

Just him, and you. 

Gojo nips your bottom lip before gliding his tongue along it, grinning at the noise you let out. Your lips part and his tongue instantly slides inside, tangling with yours. His hands grip your waist, pressing you tight against him. Your hips rock back and forth as you kiss him, a soft panting noise escaping from your throat. The room was burning up, but that doesn’t bother you. 

You can feel his cock start to harden beneath you as you grind against him. It catches on your core and you gasp, pulling your lips back. If Suguru was big, just how big would Gojo be? Gojo looks at you through heavy lids, grinding you against his cock. Your lips are slightly parted as you moan, pressing down harder. If only you could make Gojo as desperate as you were. 

You angle your hips slightly, winning a groan from him. It sounded good, once you heard it you decided you would do anything to hear him make that noise again. 

Gojo stands up and holds you in his arms, walking while he kisses you. He must know the layout of his house extremely well, because he doesn’t open his eyes once. When you do you notice you’re in a bedroom. 

The bed behind you is large but you don’t have time to appreciate it before Gojo is setting you down and hovering over you. There’s a cocky grin on his face and instead of annoying you, it sends a shiver down your spine. 

He looked like he was going to ruin you. 

You reach a hand up and cup his cheek, running your thumb along the smooth skin of his face. He looks startled for a moment before his expression relaxes again, letting you continue to touch him. 

You were touching Gojo. It was a luxury many couldn’t say they had experienced, and most that had touched him, didn’t live to tell the tale. 

Pushing his hair back, you pull him down and press your lips against his. His body grinds against yours as your tongues collide, a symphony built on your moans filling the room. 

Gojo pulls away to start kissing down your neck, his long fingers sliding up your shirt to roam against the skin of your stomach. You arch up into him, holding his shirt tightly, as if that will bring you down to earth. 

He sits up to pull your shirt over the top of your head, throwing it to the side. His eyes rake down your figure and you’ve suddenly never felt so bare before. 

Somehow it felt like you were going too fast, but not fast enough. You had been waiting to do this ever since you locked eyes with him all those years ago. 

Gojo hums and drags his finger along your neck, tracing the sensitive marks that marred your flesh. 

“Wow, Suguru really did a number on you, didn’t he?” He mumbles under his breath before leaning down again, kissing the same spots that Suguru bit into. 

It steals your breath away, the ceiling above you spinning as you feel yourself leak between your legs. Gojo brings his lips down slowly, pressing kisses down your skin as he reaches your chest. His hands roam your body, your skin tingling with each centimeter he covers. 

You’ve noticed two things about Gojo tonight. One, he was sexy. You always knew he was attractive, but he used to just be something that was beautiful and unattainable, like a wild animal. But he was yours tonight, and he was so fucking sexy. Two, being with him felt like you were at the beach. 

No, that wasn’t right. 

Being with him felt like you were wading through the waves of the ocean, the unruly water flicking against your skin. It felt good, but in the blink of an eye it was all consuming, pulling you under only to give you more, more, more. It was getting harder to breathe around Gojo, he was all consuming, his presence demanded your attention. Even though it felt like you were drowning, you decided to let yourself sink. 

Gojo’s large hands slide beneath your body, unclasping your bra before pulling it off. There’s fire under your skin as you watch his eyes trail over your figure. Your nipples are hard under his gaze, the pressure of the situation catching up to you. Gojo brings a thumb up and glides it against one nipple, grinning once you shiver. 

“Sensitive, are we?” 

Your face fills with heat at the taunt. Gojo lowers himself to your breasts, his face even with one of them. His mouth opens as his tongue flicks out, dragging across your nipple. You groan and throw your head back, letting the sensation over take you. His lips wrap around you, the warmth of his mouth making your skin break out in goosebumps. He gently sucks, his tongue rubbing back and forth. Gojo lightly bites your nipple, a dull sensation flooding through your body before he lets go to lick the area again. 

If you had any sense of self preservation, you would be mortified at the noises you were letting out. 

But you didn’t. 

Instead, your body twists and turns underneath him, moans floating from your lips. Gojo brings up his thumb to your face, sliding along your bottom lip before slipping inside your mouth. You graciously accept it, using one hand to hold him steady. You suck his thumb, your tongue running along the side of it. You’re grateful to have something else to focus on besides the near painful throbbing that was happening between your legs. You let him rest the pad on your tongue, sucking it into your mouth. 

Gojo pulls his thumb from your lips and brings it to your chest, letting the saliva coat your other nipple. Your face pinches up at the sensation, his thumb smoothing back and forth over you. 

Gojo leans up again, his face ever so slightly tinted with need. He moves down to press kisses to your stomach before he reaches your pants. There was only two more pieces of clothing protecting you, the realization that you would soon be completely bare makes your throat tighten. His fingers linger on your waist to give you an opportunity to stop, before he finally tugs both garments down. A rush of cold air brushes against you. You felt helpless under his gaze, completely at his disposal. 

You wanted this, god you wanted this. 

His fingers glide down your thighs, pulling your legs open with a strength that borderlined on elegance. Bright blue eyes look at your core, the way he looked at you was ravenous. Just like a wild animal. Gojo slides down until his head is between your thighs, and you realize just how good he looks there. Almost as if he was meant to be there. 

“You don’t know how long I’ve been dreaming about this.” His voice is low and raspy, and he darts his eyes up to your face and then back down. 

Years, maybe. You had known him for quite some time, and the two of you had teased each other for most of it. You always erred on the side of respect while he constantly pushed the line, seeing what he could get away with. And just like how he admitted he was dreaming of it, you were too. Knowing Suguru didn’t care set your mind at ease. It felt surreal. 

Gojo sticks his tongue out and lines it up with your pussy, sliding through your folds slowly. A moan escapes your throat. 

“G-gojo-“ you groan. 

He stops to speak. 

“Call me Satoru.” 

You whimper below him as he drags his tongue through you again, flicking against your clit. 

“Satoru-“ 

When you say his name it’s as if you’re letting him loose. His face dives in, his lips wrapping around your clit. Your fists grip the sheets below you, your legs shaking around his head. The change in pace was making your head spin. He keeps his lips wrapped around you while his tongue massages your clit. You can feel your pussy drool, already responsive to the way Satoru touched your body. 

You wanted to tell him how good it felt, how you felt insane as he pleasured you, how you’ve needed him for all this time and more. 

But you can’t. 

You groan as he glides his tongue around. You were certain that anything you could bring yourself to say would be intelligible. Satoru pulls away to seemingly give you a moment of reprieve. Just as you’re catching your breath, he’s pursing his lips and blowing on your core. Your legs try to close but he keeps them open, a smile showing on his face. 

“So fucking cute,” he coos at you. 

Satoru slides down, sticking his tongue out again. 

“Can’t believe you made me wait all this time to taste you- fuck, I don’t think I’ll ever get enough.” He speaks before he presses his tongue against your hole.

The warmth of it spreads across you from the inside out. He presses inside you before sliding out, tongue fucking you. You’re moaning as you look down to watch him, to watch the strongest sorcerer metaphorically on his knees for you. 

Your clit feels neglected as he moves his tongue around. 

“P-please Satoru.” You beg, your voice wavering. 

He pulls away to wait for you to speak. 

“What is it baby? What do you need?” 

Fuck him. He knows what you need. Satoru’s always been a tease, it only made sense for him to be the same in bed. 

You aren’t quite sure how Suguru does it. 

“Make me feel good.” Your mind is melted as you ask him. 

“Am I not already making you feel good? Because I would beg to differ.”

“Satoru m-make me cum.” You plead. 

Something flashes in his eyes before he’s covering you with his mouth again. His tongue goes straight for your clit, circling it as you thrash below him. His strong arms hold you down as he licks you. With the noises he was making below you, you would think he was the one getting touched. 

Your moans increase in volume as he refuses to relent, again going back to sucking your clit. You could hardly focus with the way he touched you. Satoru continues until you’re moaning his name. You know you’re close, he must know it too. His eyes flutter closed as he continues. Your body jerks underneath him, and your hands fly up to clutch his hair. 

“Satoru- I’m gonna,” you moan. 

Seconds later you burst on his tongue, cumming as he refuses to stop. He licks up everything you give him until you’re squirming away, pushing his head. 

When you look down, you see that he looks crazed as he pulls away. His lips are covered in your release, his cheeks tinted a dark pink as he drags his tongue on his lips. 

Your body is still settling down as he leans over, pressing a kiss against you again. It’s softer this time, and when he pulls away he looks much more composed. 

His eyes flick up towards the clock on his bedside table before he brings them back down to look at you. 

“Satoru, aren’t we going to,” you aren’t sure how to finish that sentence. You were embarrassed to ask if you were going to have sex even though his tongue was on you moments ago. 

“I’d love to, you know I would. But it’s late. If we start now, I don’t plan on stopping for a very long time. Either we start now and we both call out of work tomorrow, or we stop for now.” 

You really didn’t want to stop. But you also didn’t want to miss work tomorrow. There would always be more chances to have sex with him, but you wanted to do it now. 

“And you?” You ask, dragging your eyes to the bulge in his pants. 

Satoru waves, unbothered by the implication. 

“Suguru gets me riled up all the time and stops to piss me off, I’ll be fine.” 

You feel as the room starts to cool down again. 

That was probably the best orgasm of your life. 

“However,” Satoru leans down close to your face, “just remember next time we start, I’m not going to stop.” 

Lead is in your stomach as you nod. He smiles and pulls away again, walking over towards his drawers. He’s digging around before he comes back holding one of his shirts and pants. 

“Wear these for the night. It’s too late and I get needy after sex.” You chuckle at the admission and take the clothes, sliding them over your form. 

You drown in them, but it’s nice. It smells like a mixture between the two men. You could smell it forever. 

Satoru flops on the bed and wraps his arms around you, bringing you in close. He was needy, and you didn’t even really have sex. 

Sleeping with Satoru was easy. The lack of personal space was just what you needed to get a good nights rest. Your eyes flutter open once you see the sun start to peak through his blinds. The previous night felt like a dream, but you were positive it wasn’t. You were still wearing his clothes and he was still wrapped around your body. Satoru’s eyes are closed but you have a sneaking suspicion he’s awake. You pinch his shoulder and laugh at the face he makes. 

“Can’t sleep forever.” You tease. 

“Why not?” 

You turn to look at the clock. You had a bit of time before you would have to go to school, but you didn’t want to allow yourself to break under the temptation of getting comfortable again. 

Satoru sits up first and it seems as though he’s been awake for sometime now, the lack of sleepiness evident on his features. He must be an early bird. He stands up and you follow after him. 

You skimp around and find your discarded clothes from the previous night. They were slightly crumpled, not anything extremely noticeable. If you were lucky, no one would notice they were the clothes from yesterday. You shake your shoulders before shedding the man’s clothes, switching them with yours. Satoru’s waiting outside the bedroom with breakfast. It was cereal and toast, simple but it suited him. 

“Sorry if it’s a shitty breakfast, Suguru’s always the one to cook. Whenever he leaves I basically wither away and starve.” He says as he bites into a piece of toast. 

“Aw, you poor baby.” You respond and sit next to him, pouring a bowl of the sugary cereal. 

“I’m glad you noticed.” 

You open your mouth to speak before you snap it closed. You wanted to ask where Suguru was. You didn’t want to seem needy, he still wasn’t in the clear yet. Even if you were mad, you missed him. 

“He’s gonna be back later today.” Satoru answers you before you even ask. 

You talk over your poor man’s breakfast before you head off to the school, the full day ahead of you. 

When your feet hit the school grounds, something feels different. You aren’t sure what it is. Satoru seems to notice too. There isn’t anything wrong per se, but it doesn’t feel like it normally does. When you find the principle, part of you feels relieved. Maybe he could tell you what was going on. 

“Oh, there you two are. You’re late.” He says. 

Satoru usually was late. You, however, weren’t. 

“What can I say, I’m a bad influence.” 

Yaga ignores him before he speaks. 

“There was another attack close to the school last night.” 

What? 

Your eyes flick to Satoru but it’s impossible to tell if he’s looking at you, he put his blindfold on once you entered the room. 

“It was a little after 1 A.M around the shift change, and it was seemingly closer than it’s been before.” 

After 1, what were you doing after 1? 

You knew exactly what you were doing after 1. It involved a certain someone in the same room as you. 

“W-what happened?” You prod. 

“Not much, at least nothing big compared to previous attacks. They just burned down a couple of trees. It’s a bit weird.” 

“It’s like they’re taunting us.” Satoru says. 

The realization curdles in your stomach. They were getting closer and they could have done something drastic, but they didn’t. Why didn’t they? 

Your body shifts as Yaga talks. You feel a wave of guilt crash over you. It happened last night, when you were responsible, when you left early. There was a chance you could have stopped it. 

“I think I’m going to employ a little more help. It’s not realistic to have sorcerers there 24/7, so I’m going to use some of my cursed corpses to guard it. They aren’t enough to stop the group, probably, but they’ll be enough to at the very least alert someone who can stop it.” 

Not a bad idea. 

Your teeth dig in your cheek as Yaga excuses himself. Satoru steps in front of you and grabs your arm. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks. 

“I could have stopped it. I left early.” 

“It probably happened right after your shift was going to end anyway. The other group taking over after you probably just arrived late. The attacks have never happened this late before so you had no reason to believe anything was going to happen.” 

His words make you feel a little better, but you still find yourself deflating at the realization. 

No matter how bad you were feeling, you knew you would have to get over it, at least for the day. You had things to do, and your students needed you. 

“You good?” 

“Yeah, I’m good, let’s go.” 

The both of you depart, going to your classrooms. 

Tag List: @tojislittleprincesss, @dinolvrrr, @kimi01985, @constawrites, @spookysoowpprince, @reosnagi, @faerie-soirxx, @platrom, @oownowonwoo, @megumisdivinedogs

If you want to be added to the taglist please let me know, just specify what you want to be tagged in like this fic or all my works

#my writing #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru x you #satoru x you #suguru x reader #suguru geto x reader #geto x reader #suguru x you #suguru geto x you #geto x you #suguru x reader x gojo #poly satosugu #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen #jjk

[momolady]

Sleeping Beauty: Author's April #4

(This was intended to be the sequel to my Huntress in the Castle story. It would have been about them rescuing Nadine and solving the curse on the castle once and for all.)

One:

My brothers had thought life in the royal palace would be boring. They were used to doing what they wished, going wherever they pleased. In the palace they had certain restrictions, but outside they were given free run. Even among the knights, which is where they spent most of their time. They trained with the knights, challenging them to playful bouts.

Beyond the palace walls they mingled among the common people easily, after all that was who we were. They went to the sea, fishing and running about the docks. They traded amongst the shops and cobblers. And even within the palace their individual interests were met.

D’Arcy had become the royal physicians assistant, and was often found with the Queen’s apothecary. Craig took to the horse houses and the animals of the palace. The queen kept quite the menagerie in the garden. Finn was often either at sea or with the knights. Or causing trouble. But that was normal Finn. Peadar was the same as well, often keeping to himself, watching the others with a kindly eye. He would place himself in the gardens or in the kitchen where he could watch the comings and goings with ease. And the kitchen did feel more like home.

The only one who couldn’t seem to find his place was Niall. I tried to keep him company as much as I could, but he knew my place now was beside Vered, at the forefront of the royal family. And sure, he found pastimes to occupy him, but unlike the others, his nook in the new life hadn’t been chipped out yet.

“I’m sure once the castle in the forest is done, it’ll be easier.” Vered explained to him one evening. I was glad the two had gotten to know one another. And they were both similar in the regards that they both weren’t fitting in well.

“I do miss the village.” Niall sighed.

Vered smiled. “Why don’t we plan a hunting trip. Just us men.”

Niall laughed. “And leave Fianna alone? She would probably wreck something.”

Vered nodded. “That might be true. But she knows more than anyone that you need it.”

Niall sighed, shaking his head. “This is all I ever wanted for my family. Never wanting for anything. Never having to risk our necks for our next meal. But, I still feel so uncomfortable. Like I’m missing something.”

Vered nodded. “You haven’t found your fate yet.”

“What? Like my Gran’s stories?” Niall scoffed.

Vered laughed at him. “They worked out for your sister. Fantastically so.” He leaned against the railing of the veranda. “Didn’t Granny tell you boys any stories?”

“Some.” Niall answered with a shrug. “But we were boys, we didn’t listen. Fianna was the only one who paid her any mind, let alone believe her.”

Vered smirked. “Well, I bet you’ll listen now.”

“My Gran told me I’d slay a dragon.” Niall scoffed. “There are not such things. No such creatures.”

Vered slapped his palms to his chest. “And I was a horrible beast.”

Niall hesitated, doubting himself for just a moment.

Vered laughed then. “So what is to say you aren’t going to slay a dragon? You saw with your own eyes what is inside me. You saw your sister die and yet she lives.” His eyes narrowed on Niall. “I dare you to listen to Granny now. We’ll see what fate has for you, dragons and all.”

Niall felt shaken to his core. If she had been right about me all these years, imagine what else she was correct about. If Niall had remembered correctly and he was to slay a dragon…well good lord! That meant he was to slay a dragon.

It took Niall some time to actually go see Granny. He went to several others before actually going to see her. It wasn’t like Niall to get the straight answer right away. First, he came to see me and Peadar, since we were both in the library together.

“When Granny told you stories about Vered-”

I shook my head. “She never told me about Vered. She never told me about anything, except that there was an evil in the forest meant for me.”

Niall cocked a brow at me.

“It isn’t her place to reveal the future.” I said. “I wasn’t supposed to know what was going to happen to me.”

“You worried about what you didn’t listen to?” Peadar asked.

Niall scoffed. “And you actually listened to her stories?”

“I listened because she’s Granny. Believe it?” Peadar shrugged. “Up until I saw Vered I didn’t believe what she told me. Now, I’m starting to.”

Niall flaps his arms out, exasperated. “Oy, yeah? And what did she tell you?” He asked huffishly.

Peadar and I exchanged looks, he had been telling me some of the tales Granny had told him since we had gotten to the royal palace. We both smiled, laughing to ourselves.

“Granny told me to pay very close attention to women’s shoes.”

Niall’s mouth hung open. “And you are just going to believe her?”

I laughed, covering my mouth to keep from laughing to loud.

Peadar put his hand on the top of my head. “She told Fianna there was an evil meant for her. If all I have to do is study women’s fashion then so be it.” He chuckled.

“Do you even remember what Granny told you?” I asked.

Niall looked away, arms crossed tightly against his chest, bottom lip protruding farther out than usual.

“Oh come on!” Peadar scoffed.

Niall sighed, letting his arms slip back to his sides. “She told me…she told me I’d slay a dragon.”

Peader nudged me. “Well…excuse me and my shoes then.”

I furrowed my brow. “You should be talking to Granny, Niall.”

Niall sighed, rubbing his chin and looking out the window. “Yeah.” He sighed, turning on his heel and leaving us.

Peadar looked at me. “He’s avoiding it.” He explained. “I don’t think he wants to admit that he was wrong.”

I pursed my lips. “He won’t be able to avoid it for long.”

Niall found the twins and D’Arcy in the kitchen, eating fruit the serving girls sliced for them with giddy joy.

“I don’t remember what Gran told me.” Finn shrugged, biting into an apple.

D’Arcy rubbed his chin in thought. “I remember her saying something like…I will be surrounded by beautiful women.”

Finn and Craig busted out laughing.

“You can’t be serious?” Niall scoffed. “She told Peadar to keep an eye on women’s shoes!”

Craig cleared his throat. “Well, Gran always tells me to stay away from wolves. But I just thought that was common knowledge.”

Finn coughed and slapped his hands together. “I remember now! I remember!” He coughed again, almost choking on apple in his excitement. “Gran told me to listen to cats!”

Niall threw up his arms in frustration. “Shoes? Women? Wolves and cats? Is this woman really being serious?”

The three exchanged looks. “She was right about Fianna.” D’Arcy said. “Sure, her tales sound exaggerated, but I believe she’s right.”

“What’d Gran tell you?” Finn asked.

Niall sighed. “That I would have to slay a dragon.”

“Ooh!” Finn giggled. “Wanna trade for my cat?”

“Just go talk to Gran.” Craig sighed. “Get the straight answer from the source. Don’t keep trying to avoid it. Might turn out the dragon is a metaphor for something.”

“And my women are a metaphor for what then?” D’Arcy laughed.

“Madness?” Finn chuckled, winking at a serving girl as she walked by.

“Just go talk to Gran,” D’Arcy scoffed. “What? You afraid that she’s right? Don’t wanna hear what’s good for ya?”

Niall picked up an orange wedge. “How is hearing that I may get eaten by a dragon good for me?” He laughed, placing the orange wedge between his lips.

“It’s belly could be full of gold.” Finn retorted. “I’m sure if the thing is big enough, and it swallows ya whole-”

“Oh really, Finn.” Craig scoffed.

Niall sighed, rolling his eyes. “Guess there is no avoiding it.” He shrugged then and pursed his lips. “Gotta go talk to Gran.”

Granny was all but eager to finally talk to Niall. Most of the boys had come to her, just to double check if the stories she had been feeding them were true.

“I’m glad you finally came to me, Niall.” She said, tucking into the chair before him. “I was beginning to get afraid you would leave without being prepared.”

“Leave?” Niall asked.

Granny nodded. “Oh yes, Fianna and Vered are going to ask you to accompany them to view on the progress of the palace soon.”

Niall shook his head. “I haven’t heard of this.”

Granny’s hand whipped out, slapping his hand. “Of course not! They don’t even know yet. But a letter will arrive soon, and then you’ll go.”

“Go to what?” Niall gasped. “You always told Fianna she had an evil meant for her.” He brought his palms to his chest. “What is meant for me? You told me when I was young I would slay a dragon!”

Granny nodded knowingly, stroking her long braid. “Ah yes. I was excited with you. You being the eldest and having such an amazing journey ahead of you. I let too much slip there.”

Niall laughed. “You’re serious!” He exclaimed. “An actual dragon?”

Granny shook her head, clicking her tongue. “I shouldn’t say anything else on the matter.” She sighed. “But, since you know that bit already,” she reached out, gently holding Niall’s hand. “You are so important to this family Niall. You have always had to be the strongest. But sometimes, showing what makes you vulnerable is nothing to frown at. It is often in our darkest times, when we have nothing at all, that we show our true strength.”

Niall thought about me then. Remembering the night I had fought Vered. It hadn’t been my strength, or my blade that had defeated the monster. No. Niall could remember standing there seeing my bow before the beast, he thought he would never see me again, his last vision of me being that of my bloody death. Instead, he saw something remarkable, he saw me save us all.

Granny leaned closer to Niall, holding his face between her palms. “No matter how you fight it, you will need someone to take care of you sometimes.”

Niall nodded slowly. “But…what does that have to do with-” He stopped himself and laughed. “Thank you Granny.”

She smiled. “Good boy.

Niall leaned back in his chair, looking over into the fireplace. He and Granny sat in a peaceful quiet for a moment. Granny drank her tea and finished darning one of Finn’s socks. It was when she pulled out my veil that Niall began to feel eager about his fate.

“How come Peadar only has to worry about shoes?” Niall asked, a broad smile on his face.

Granny smiled up at him. “Oh believe me, you’re going to think dragons look pretty good when you see what your brothers have to deal with.” She laughed.

Niall reached out, holding onto the end of the sheer silk of my veil. Granny was working hard, making her fingers ache, to get the beading just right. The Queen had given her special beads made of this crystal with a mother of pearl like shimmer to them.

“When I was a young girl, I never would of dreamed of this.” Granny sighed. “I had never even seen a castle in my lifetime. And here I am, living in one.”

“You never foresaw this?” Niall asked.

Granny shook her head. “I don’t like poking around into my own future.” She plucked a bead from the tin. “Oh no. Too many problems come with that.” She clicked her tongue. “I did use it to make some money, back when I was young and when your grandfather passed.”

Niall knew Granny had always wanted to go back to being a fortune teller when his mother and father both died. But Niall wanted Granny to be comfortable, he wanted to earn the family’s bread. Granny had paid her way many a time, she deserved a respite.

“I haven’t gone very far in my life,” Granny continued. “But I have seen things that would make your eyes pop clear out of your head!” She said with a proud bob of her head.

“If looking into the future is so bad, Gran, how come you did it for us?” Niall asked, leaning towards her.

Granny smiled gently, knowingly. “Because you want to protect those you love. I wanted to make sure you brats turned out happy, safe. I’d do anything for you.”

Niall reached out, holding Granny’s hand for a moment, then released her to continue her beading work.

That night, Niall woke up from a sound sleep. The world was pitch black, save for the sliver of light coming through his curtains. For the split second his eyes were open, he saw something move, something faint. He closed his eyes again and then opened them wide in a flash, realizing what he had seen was a person.

He sat up with a jolt in bed, there was something pulling open the crutains. A pale, white hand stretching into the moonlight and smoothing their hand across the cold glass. Niall was stunned, he was frozen in place. What was this specter he was seeing.

The figure turned, face illuminated my the moonlight. She watched Niall with a curiosity, a small sigh escaped her and she sat on the windowsill, looking out over the castle.

“Excuse me.” Niall said.

The girl jumped, turning and looking at him with wide eyed fright. “Puh-pardon?” She gasped, her long auburn hair cascading off her shoulder.

“What are you doing in my room?” Niall scoffed.

The girl looked from side to side, wide blue windows of disbelief. She looked back at Niall, brow pursed. “You can see me?”

“As plan as day!” Niall snapped as he rose from bed.

“That…that can’t be.” She scoffed, standing herself. “Wait, aren’t you Fianna’s brother?”

“Do not change the subject.” Niall scoffed. “Who are you and what are doing in-” The woman’s hand went through Niall like a cold breeze. There was no substance to her, just shadow.

The woman watched, Niall slack jawed and stumbling back to his bed.

“You held me once.” The woman said. “You were the first man to ever hold me besides my father or brother.”

All Niall could do was stare up at her. A ghost!

“I’m Nadine.” The woman answered, folding her hands against her skirt.

“But…but they said you died.” Niall whispered.

Nadine shrugged. “Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not.” She shook her head. “I can’t figure it out. I don’t even know why I’m still here. You’re the first one who has even been aware of me.” She sat down on the windowsill again pulling her knees up to her chest.

Niall shook his head. “How long have you been here?”

Nadine shook her head. “I could not say. A day. A year. Forever? I have completely lost my sense of time or reasoning. One moment, I was dying. The next I am…wandering.” She turned her head, looking out.

Niall stood up, walking to the window and looking over Nadine. Her long, dark auburn hair, splayed out in a million soft waves down her back. Her skin, white and fragile as porcelain. But she had the strong, regal features that Vered did. There was no use arguing that they were related. They even had the same haunting, blue eyes.

Nadine looked up at him. “Or perhaps you are dreaming.” She retorted. “Perhaps this is all just a trick of your mind. Maybe your mind recreated me to help ease your ill-ease in the palace.”

Niall shook his head, breathless. “That must be it.”

Nadine laughed. “Oh wouldn’t that be a wonderful solution for us all.” She looked away from the window, folding her fingers under her sharp chin. “I haven’t talked to anyone besides my brother in so long.” She chuckled softly. “I barely talked to Fianna I admit. I was terrified of her.”

Niall chuckled at this. All his life, all he could remember doing was talking to me. From the moment I was born I was his.

“She talked about you a lot.” Nadine replied. “I didn’t realize one could love their family so much.”

“But you stayed with Vered all that time.”

Nadine shook her head slowly, almost not moving. “I had to. What I would of given to run away, to leave him behind and…and all alone.” Tears began to dribble down Nadine’s cheeks. “And then…then he changed, and that scared me more.”

Niall sat back in the window, opposite Nadine. “Siblings tend to do that. Like…I can remember when Finn was little. He was scared of his own shadow.” He laughed. “I see him now and wonder where that frightened little creature went.”

Nadine nodded softly. “And what about Fianna?”

Niall sighed, thinking about me as a little girl again. “She used to cling to me. She wouldn’t let me out of her sight, and when I did she just hollered.”

Nadine cracked a smile through her tears.

“And then one day…” Niall became distant for a moment. “One day I realized she didn’t need me. And that was when I began clinging to her.”

“And now?” Nadine’s voice a barely audible whisper.

Niall stared beyond sight, he looked inside, all around himself. “And now…it’s my turn to face my fate like she did. I can’t cling to my family anymore.”

Nadine was wiping at her face then and Niall held his hand out to her, presenting her with a handkerchief. “Don’t cry, please.”

Nadine took it gingerly from his fingers. “It has been a while since a man has offered his hand to me.” She murmured, looking at the handkerchief as if it were made of gold and jewels. “Thank you, Niall.”

“Niall.”

He bolted upright in bed, nearly half scaring me to death.

He looked at me in disbelief. The world around him was bright with morning light now, not midnight blue. “Fianna?”

I nod. “I came to get you, you slept clear through breakfast.”

“I did?” He gasped breathlessly.

“Yes.” I furrowed my brow at him, studying him closely. “Are you alright?”

He shakes his head. “I had the strangest of dreams.” His eyes wander back to the window where Nadine had been sitting. He could see her perfectly. How could that have been a dream?

“What was the dream?” I asked.

“I’m not sure.” He lied. “There was a girl, and she was alone…I think she wanted a friend.”

I tilted my head onto my shoulder, watching Niall’s somewhat lost expression. I brushed the hair away from his forehead. “Are you sure you slept?” I slipped the pad of my finger across the dark circles under his eyes. “You look like you haven’t slept at all.” My hand falls back to my side. “Why don’t I bring you a small bite to eat and then you just try to get some rest?”

He shakes his head at me and begins to stand. “I promised to take the twins out to the sea today. They wanted to go fishing again.”

“They go fishing at least four times a week these days!” I easily shove Niall back into bed. Almost too easily. It scared me for a moment.

Niall chuckled. “You’ve gotten stronger.”

“I don’t like that, Niall. Stay in bed.” I commanded. “I’ll get D’Arcy or Vered to take the twins fishing. I’ll go myself if I have to. But I really do think you should stay in bed.”

Niall stood again. “I just need to get something to eat is all. Go on. I’ll be down in a few minuets.”

I didn’t like it, but I silently conceded and left his room. I went and found Vered, hoping his company could somehow ease my mind. I found him in the library, having taken his lunch and scurried off there were he felt more comfortable. He sat before the fire, a roll in one hand and a book in the other.

I slipped my arm around his waist and curled into him. He was reading another book filled with the language I couldn’t read.

“Something is wrong.” He said to me, setting down the book.

I shrug. “I’m sure it isn’t anything. It’s Niall.”

Vered lifts my hand and kisses the cup of my palm. He stalls for a moment and I hear him sniff.

“What?” I scoff at him.

He looks down at me confused and bewildered. “You smell like my sister.”

“Nadine?”

Vered smells my palm again. “It’s faint, but I can tell it is there. I could not mistake that scent.”

I turn and hold my palm to my nose. Of course, only Vered and his beastly senses could detect something so faint. “That can’t be possible. She vanished in the garden.”

Vered’s eyes were distant, hazy. “Yes but…where could that scent have come from?”

“I only touched Niall.” I say. “He held Nadine in the castle when we came to look for you. But that was ages ago.”

Vered shook his head. “I have not smelled it on him since either. It’s baffling me.”

Two:

She was there again, as if waiting on him to return from wherever he had gone. They didn’t speak at first, just acknowledged each other’s presence. The library was such a great, grand place, with so much to occupy yourself with. And Nadine seemed absorbed in a massive, old tome. She had it sat on the floor before her, the pages and her skin aglow in the light of the fireplace.

Niall sat up on the sofa, feeling pretty assured he had fallen asleep there while talking to me and Vered.

“Do you like poetry?” Nadine asked suddenly. She looked up at him and curled her legs under herself.

Niall shook his head slowly, still comprehending these strange encounters. “My mother used to read it to me when I was a child.” He looked down, seeing the ornate pages of the book spread open before Nadine. “But I’m afraid I haven’t encountered anymore since.”

“Your mother.” Nadine murmured softly. “Fianna didn’t speak much of her.”

I shook my head. “She died when Fianna was just a baby.” I put my forearms against my knees, leaning over. “All Fianna has known is Granny and us.”

“And how did that happen?” Nadine asked.

Niall chuckled. “And how did you happen?”

Nadine smiled softly, unsurely. “An accident.”

My brother nodded, fiddling his thumbs. “My father was an accident.” He said with a gentle nod. “He got gored by a wild boar.”

Nadine averted her eyes. “Oh…”

“I think that’s why D’Arcy took such an interest in medicine…because the doctor of our village couldn’t really do anything.” Niall’s dark eyes took the chance to scan over Nadine, her pale skin, fragile looking hands. The sharp outline of her face was what stuck out most to him. Her thin, pointed nose. Her small but shapely mouth. She reminded him of brambles and thorns. Thin and delicate, but he knew if he moved at her without caution, he would bleed.

“Fianna hadn’t even been born yet.” Niall then chuckled. “Actually, Fianna hadn’t even begun to show in mother yet. We only had Granny’s word to go on we had a sister coming.”

Nadine looked back up at Niall. “How old were you then?”

“Old enough, but still not old enough to take care of a family of six, soon to be seven.” Niall answered lowly. “We had to rely on Granny back then.”

“Her fortunes.” Nadine beamed.

Niall nodded. “Yes, her fortune telling.” He studied Nadine’s smile, so faint and sweet, and even baring the same color as the berries that grew just at the edge of the forest he loved so much. “Did Fianna talk that much about us?”

“Vered liked it when she did.” Nadine answered with a slight nod. “He liked the smile it brought to her face.”

Niall nodded slightly, leaning towards her. “You said Fianna scared you.”

Nadine sighed, a shy smile appearing on her face. “I just knew she was meant for Vered,” she murmured. “What else could of brought her to the castle? From the moment she forced herself inside, I knew. She was, is, so strong.”

“But…” Niall tried to pick his words carefully, “why afraid?”

Nadine’s smile vanished and she stared blankly into the fireplace. She smoothed her palm out, pressing into the spine of the book that was open in her lap. “I realized…that no one would come for me.” She avoided his suddenly sympathetic stare and shook her head. “That was my curse.”

“Then what am I?”

She shook her head again. “Who knows?” She laughed. “I still can’t figure out what I am.”

Niall reached out tentatively, placing his hand over hers. Nadine jerked, then shivered. She looked down at his hand, up his arm, and then into Niall’s eyes. “You scare me, too.”

Niall laughed softly. “Why?”

Nadine tried to avoid his gaze, but she couldn’t force herself to look away from him. She trembled under his hand. “Because I won’t be able to stay with you.” Her voice the flicker of a dying flame. “I can’t keep you.”

Niall’s eyes widened. “Nadine?”

She stood suddenly, the book slipped from her lap and bursting into dust. “I’m sorry. I can’t…” She then took off running, becoming a wind. A wind that blew out the fire, leaving Niall in shadows.

“Nadine!” Niall sat up shouting.

“Who?”

Niall turned, seeing D’Arcy sitting by himself at a table, books open before him. He turned, looking at the fireplace roaring, at the floor where the book had turned to dust, it was clean.

“Have a bad dream?” D’Arcy asked, shutting the book before him.

Niall ran his fingers through his hair. “No…” He stood up. “I need to see Vered.” He said as he began walking out of the library.

“He and Fianna are in the garden!” D’Arcy called after him.

Before Niall had even reached the garden Vered began to twitch. He turned his nose up to the wind and inhaled deeply.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He looked ahead, eyes wide, but brows cocked suspiciously. “I smell her again.”

My mouth hung open slightly. “You mean, Nadine?”

He turned abruptly, twisting around me and bracing himself towards the door as Niall came running out.

“Niall?” Vered and I echo each other.

#fairy tale retelling #fantasy writing #fairy tale #sleeping beauty retelling #fantasy romance #fairy tale romance #my writing #momolady monsters

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

Please do an 80s slash x fem!reader where he’s jealous that Axl’s been spending time with you 🫣

A/n: Took this in a slightly different direction, hope that's ok. I love Slash so much, he just looks so pretty in every picture, I need to write for him more :'3

Warnings: Smut, fingering(f receiving), slight degradation, squirting, if you think I missed anything please let me know otherwise enjoy :3

Yours and Slash’s relationship wasn’t known to everyone. Honestly you weren’t sure it even was a relationship, really. Around everyone else you two were just friends, sometimes barely even that.

You were just part of the crew that came with GNR on tour. You were supposed to stay in a room with another crew member but Slash usually brought you into his room, mostly for sex. Sometimes he’d use you as a cover, bring you over and lock himself in the bathroom, if anyone happened to knock on the door you’d answer and they’d leave.

You knew what he was doing in there, late into the night. You weren’t happy about his drug habits but you couldn’t do anything about it, anything that would really change his mind in the moment. Besides, if you were there with him you could at least keep an eye on him and make sure he was safe. Well, safeish.

When he’d come out he’d be all tired and whiny. He’d crawl into bed with you and lay his head on your lap or chest depending on how you were set up in bed. You’d play with his hair until he fell asleep, then you’d eventually fall asleep yourself.

Since neither of you had ever asked to define the relationship, or at least tell people what you’ve been doing, you didn’t see a problem when Axl started hanging around you.

It started as joining you for breakfast or asking you to come with him and the guys for lunch but has since escalated to him asking you to meet him later at night when he’d be alone in his room back at hotels or in his room backstage after shows.

You declined him the first few times. I mean, even if you and Slash hadn’t decided anything you were still kind of a thing, right?

Slash started becoming more distant, leaving you to sleep with other crew members instead of bringing you down to his room. A few times you saw him with other girls, that was something of a breaking point for you. After that you said yes to Axl’s requests.

You wore your best outfits for him whenever, whether you were going out for breakfast or sneaking into his dressing room. You told yourself you were happier this way, Axl was treating this like more of a relationship, at least, though still neither of you called the other anything.

More than once you caught yourself picturing Slash behind you when you were with Axl. At night if you were in your own bed you’d set the pillows up and pretend it was Slash. You’d listen to Axl ranting about anything and everything but all you could think about was Slash... 

You were heading to Axl’s dressing room when their show was coming to an end as you had been doing. This time another crew member stopped to talk to you about something. Normally you preferred getting to the ginger's room before they got off stage so you could wait for him but this time you heard them getting their stuff off.

Quick, aggressive footsteps approached you. You assumed it was Axl but it was Slash who turned the corner in a rush to get to you. He was shirtless and the fly of his jeans was down, a thin layer of sweat coating him.

You knew the dressing rooms were all down this hallway so you thought nothing of it until he grabbed your wrist and pulled you with him. You glanced back at the person you were talking to but they were already off, not seeming to care at all.

Slash pulled you into his room, shoving you through the door. “What the hell, Slash?” You asked, whipping around to look at him.

“Don’t ‘what the hell’ me!” He snapped, approaching you once more. “I don’t talk to you and you start fucking Axl?” Your mouth opened and closed a few times before you actually got anything out.

“It’s not like you weren’t doing anything either!” You barked back.

“At least I wasn’t fucking your friends!” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Maybe if you’d told him about us he wouldn’t have tried anything.” You mumbled.

Slash scoffed. “Who cares if we’re together or not?”

“I care!” You yelled. “I care if we’re together or not, it would save me a lot of pain.” You could feel your eyes tearing up and you bit your lip to quiet your heavy breathing.

Slash didn’t say anything for a moment, which made it harder for you to hold back your tears.

He came over to you and held your face in his pretty, calloused hands, making you look up at him so he could kiss you. You didn’t wait a moment to kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting his tongue slip past your lips.

He let a hand fall from your face and trail down your side to your ass. He gave it a squeeze and a light slap before getting a hand in your pants. “No underwear?” He mumbled against your lips. “Fucking whore, going to meet Axl like this, weren’t you?” He pushed a finger into you, feeling how wet you already were. You gasped softly, arching your back at the feeling.

He continued fingering your hole, lips still connected to yours as he guided you to the door. He didn’t want to leave, he wanted to fuck you against it so everyone could hear how good he made you feel, so everyone could hear that you were his.

You moaned into his mouth, knees buckling and legs squeezing together at how he was making you feel. “Ah~ ‘M gonna, ngh, gonna cum.” You mustered. Slash smirked and went to kiss your neck, sucking and biting right where he knew you were most sensitive. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you came on his fingers.

Slash didn’t pull his fingers out, letting you ride out your high with him still in you. When you calmed down you saw he was grinning  ear to ear and he was staring down at your crotch. He’d managed to get you out of your pants when you were going to the door, giving him the perfect view of you squirting which you hadn’t even realised you’d done until you saw the puddle beneath you.

“You’ve never done that with me before.” He said with a soft chuckle. “Didn’t do that with Axl, did you?” You looked up at him and shook your head. “Good girl.” He turned you around and pulled himself out of his jeans before pushing into you.

He had you pinned against the door, his hands on your hips and your back arching for him. He didn’t even have to thrust into you with the way your cunt was pulling him in.

The room filled with your moans and his grunts as he fucked you hard and deep, just the way he knows you like it. He brought his arm around you to play with your clit. “Fuck! Slash, gonna make me cum again.” You whined, pushing your ass to him. Slash didn’t say anything and just kept fucking you.

You glanced back at him over your shoulder to see him staring at where you sucking him in, over and over again, waiting to watch you squirt on him again. Seeing him so desperate to see you cum again had your head running wild and you couldn’t keep it together, juices gushing out of you once more and your walls practically locked Slash inside of you.

He wrapped his arms around you and held you close as he bucked into you a few more times before cumming deep inside of you, painting your walls in his seed. “Fuck, you feel so good.” He mumbled, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. You chuckled softly at him. “I love you.”

You paused for a moment at that. Did he really just say that? You thought. “What was that..?” You asked, thinking he might’ve misspoke, or he was too out of it for it to mean anything.

“I said, I love you.” He repeated in your ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner, didn’t think I’d risk having you sleep with Axl.” He joked. “No matter what happens, promise me you won’t stoop that low again.” He kissed your cheek.

“Promise.” You returned the kiss and turned to hug him back.

#guns n roses #guns n roses fanfic #guns n roses x reader #guns n roses smut #slash guns n roses #slash fic #slash #slash fanfiction #slash gnr #slash smut #slash angst

[vbecker10]

Loki's Silent Sentry (alt. ending Part 2 - final)

Part 1

Alt. ending Part 1 is meant to be read after part 2, instead of the original parts 3 - 7

**Seriously please do not read this without reading the trigger warnings**

TW: death of a main character (if you message me I will tell you who in case that will change if you read this or not), mourning the loss of a loved one, loss of a family member, having to mourn in secret, depression, feeling alone, brief mentions of previous loss of parents, inability to move on, guilt

(Please let me know if I missed anything and I will add it)

A/N: I wrote the fluffy, happy ending for this story but I got this song (tagged below) stuck in my head and it felt like a really tragic way to end this story. The idea just kept getting more depressing and heartbreaking so I had to write it. I understand this is not for everyone, it's not even something I would usually read.

Please, please do not feel the need to read this because we are mutuals or because you read the happy ending version. I will absolutely not be offended if you skip it.

...Last chance to turn back lol 🫣

You walk through the common room of the soldier's quarters, your head down as you desperately try to escape to your room. Several people congratulate you on receiving your award this morning and you nod vaguely to each as you pass by.

Slamming closed the door to your room, you rest your back against the wood and close your eyes as you breathe deeply. Your fists clench as your mind replays the king's words of praise. Heroic, brave, loyal, dutiful, all the things a good soldier should be you were but you were still not enough to save the one person on Asgard who mattered to you.

You reach for your chest and your fingers brush against the cold medal Odin pinned to you. Opening your eyes, you rip the medal from your uniform and throw it across your room. You pay no attention to where it lands, you want it as far from you as possible.

You pull the end of the black fabric tied around your arm and let it fall to the floor as you walk to your bed and sit down heavily. You bend down to pry off your heavy boots and when you sit up your eyes catch the painting of your parents that you keep next to your bedside.

Picking up the small frame, your fingers trace their faces slowly. Your father has been gone for nearly ten years, his life given defending the Bifrost from a Jotun attack. Your mother was killed while protecting the queen's father when you were still a child. You hold the picture tightly to your chest. Your mother and father, your grandfathers, three of your aunts, your uncle, your cousins... you slowly list the members of your family who gave their lives in service to the crown and the realm.

You slowly lower the picture to your bed as the thoughts that haunted you before you met Loki returned. You are once again completely alone in this world. No family, no true friends, no one to love and to love you in return. Loki was the only person you were able to connect with in recent years and he knew you were terrified of being alone, of being the last one left. He promised he would always be with you, that he would never leave you alone but you made him break that promise when you failed to save him.

You get up from the bed and walk angrily across the room. You swipe everything off the top of your dresser as you scream. Glass bottles shatter and items slam to the ground around you. You are not a hero, you are not brave, you did not do your duty. You move to your small bookshelf and grab the books by the handful, throwing them to the floor, crying tears of anger and regret and guilt and pain. You should have died protecting Loki, you should have died in his place. He should be alive, your mind screams as you pick up a small metal box you keep on your desk and throw it against a wall.

You stop suddenly as dozens of folded notes spill out of the broken box, walking towards the pile slowly you wipe away your tears with the back of you hand. You sit on the ground next to the pile and pick up one of the pieces of paper which fell out. The one you picked is still neatly folded, not like the others you've opened and refolded after having read them over and over. This is the note Loki passed to you shortly before his death, you have not been able to force yourself to read it. You hold it tightly to your chest and try to hear his voice but all you can hear is your own.

You lost the love of your life and you will be alone forever. Loki is gone and it is your fault.

You stand next to Captain Skye as Commandant Thorn prepares to read the charges for Loki's former sentry. Odin sits on his throne and Thor is seated next to him, the queen is not in attendance this afternoon. Only selected council members are present and a handful of soldiers, all captain or higher except for you.

The private kneels in the center of the room, a guard from the dungeons on either side of him. His hands are bound behind his back and he hangs his head low.

You force yourself not to look at him, to keep your eyes straight ahead and your expression emotionless. Last night you visited him in the dungeon and agreed to speak on his behalf even though you know it will have no effect on the outcome. Your captain informed you that he is going to be made an example of. Regardless of his low rank and lack of experience, his one duty above all else, was to keep Loki safe and he failed to do so.

You feel a pit grow in your stomach as a member of the council motions for you to come forward. Your heart pounds as you take your place next to him, he looks up at you and you can see how lost he is. A part of you wishes you could place the blame solely on him for Loki's death. If he had done his duty, Loki would be alive but you can't. You know in your heart that he had been purposefully selected because of Loki's desire to see you.

You take a breath to steady yourself. "It is my professional opinion as a lieutenant in the royal guard that Private Rok is far too young and inexperienced to have been allowed to guard Prince Loki. There is no doubt or argument that he did not follow his training or his duty but he is only one month out of the academy. There is a reason sentries are meant to spend their first year after training shadowing more senior sentries. It is so they can understand the enormous responsibility that comes with being a sentry. Guarding a royal or council member is more than silently following them around the palace. A sentry must truly be willing to lay their life down for the person they are protecting and unfortunately Private Rok was not willing or ready to do so," you look at Odin as you speak.

Odin sits back in his throne and asks, "Who is responsible for assigning this soldier to Prince Loki so soon after completing his training?"

The room is silent until you realize he is asking you. "Prince Loki requested him," you answer but give no further explanation. The last thing you want to do is make it seem as if you are attempting to say Loki's death was his own fault.

Odin nods and is quiet for a moment, the whole room waits for him to speak again. He motions for you to return to your place next to Captain Skye then he stands. You hold your breath as he sentences the young man to fifty years in the dungeons.

Two days later, you open your eyes to the sound of the morning bells. Loki's funeral is at sunset, you remind yourself as you sit up. You throw off your sheets but you can't find the strength to stand, you've cried it all out. Sitting motionless, you look around your room and sigh as you flex your bandaged hand. You had cleaned everything yesterday and cut yourself more than once on broken pieces of glass. The black tie and medal you "earned" sit next to the painting of your parents, waiting for you to put them back on.

Forcing yourself up, you take a few steps from the bed and go still when someone knocks on your door. You have no idea who it could be, the soldiers you live with have all giving you their condolences for the prince and congratulations on your award. There was no one left who would wish to see you.

You shake your head and decide to ignore whoever it is in the hopes that they will go away, you do not have the mental capacity for small talk today.

After a few moments there is another knock and you suddenly realize how quiet it is. The drone of constant talking and laughing that radiates from the common room is gone. Even at night, there is always chatter as the shifts vary greatly, someone is always awake.

You take a deep breath to steady your nerves and open the door. Your heart stops as you come face to face with the queen. You are so shocked you freeze, forgetting to bow or greet her or even blink it seems.

Her new sentry stands just to the side of her and says, "The queen would like to speak with you, Lieutenant Y/L/N."

Your heart aches at the thought of inviting the queen inside your private space, Loki had never been to your room before. There was never a chance for you to show him the book where you pressed the flowers he gave you or sleep with him on your bed so your sheets smelled like him. He hadn't seen the painting of your parents or your childhood stuffed animal. There were so many things you still wanted to share with him but you would never be able to now.

You shake away your thoughts and step out of the way so she can enter, her sentry remains outside. Closing the door behind her, you keep your eyes down and take a few steps away from her. You are terrified to be near her, afraid she blames you for Loki's death as much as you blame yourself.

"Y/N," she says softly and you look up slowly to meet her eyes.

She looks as distraught as you feel and without thinking, you begin to apologize, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-."

She moves quickly and wraps you in a tight hug, cutting off your words. You break down as soon as you are in her arms, she is the first person who has hugged you since Loki passed. Unable to hold back your tears any longer, you cling to Loki's mother while you shake from the force of your sobs.

When you finally let go of her, you wipe your eyes and apologize again, "I'm sorry your highness, I-"

"Shh," she pulls you back into her arms. "You have done nothing to be sorry for," she says quietly and you nod but you don't believe her. She takes your hand and leads you back to your bed, sitting on the edge she motions for you to join her.

"This was not your fault, Y/N," she tells you as you sit close to her.

"I know but..." you want to believe her.

"I don't blame you and you know Loki doesn't either," she says and you look up at her.

"I just... I need you to know I really tried. I tried so hard but I just... I couldn't get to him fast enough. I couldn't find him. I wanted to, I needed to save him but I couldn't," you try to wipe your eyes but the tears come to quickly. "I know my duty was to protect you and everyone calls me a hero because I did but..." the thought that haunted you at night slips free. "I didn't save your son, how could I be a hero? He died because I failed."

She pulls you into her arms and rubs your back lightly. "The outcome does not make you a hero, your actions do. I have never doubted that you did everything you could to bring my son back to us," she says softly. You nod and she adds, "He would never want you to let this eat away at your beautiful spirit."

You look up at her and rub your face with the back of your hand. "I know how much Loki loved you and how happy you made each other," she says, her eyes full of tears but she smiles. "He told me so many wonderful things about you and his hopes for your future together. You truly were his whole world."

"And he was mine," you tell her, your heart aching at the knowledge that he told his mother he was planning a life with you.

You take her hand, "Loki, told me how lucky he felt to have you as his mother. He said you were always there for him." She smiles as tears roll down her cheeks. "I want you to know how much he and I appreciated all of your help after the ball. I never... I never thanked you for giving me that extra time with him on Sundays. I cherished every second we had together but I wish we had more time. I would give anything for just one more day with him."

"So would I," she agrees.

You sit together in silence for a moment then she says, "There is a reason I wanted to see you this morning." She wipes her eyes and clears her throat before giving you the best smile she can gather in the moment.

She reaches into a pocket on her black gown and takes out a small golden box with a snake etched into the top. "Loki would have wanted you to have this," she offers it to you.

You shake your head no, your heart sinking as you open the box. A thin gold band with diamonds around a large emerald sits on a dark green piece of velvet. You touch the ring slowly, running your fingers over each gem then you close the box quickly as you feel your head spinning.

You look up at her and she is holding a folded piece of parchment paper. She sighs deeply and looks at the paper without unfolding it, running her fingers along the crease, "He figured out how to bypass the marriage law..."

You look from Frigga to the box in your hands and find it hard to breathe as she talks. Your hands shake as you hold the box tighter.

"He was going to propose during the Harvest Festival next month..." she says. "He wanted to do it in front of all of Asgard so no one would ever question how in love you two were."

Your heart shatters at hearing how close you were to being Loki's. One more month and the two of you would have had your happily ever after. You open the box again slowly and take the ring out, you slip it halfway onto your finger and stop. You whisper no and you begin to take it off but Frigga puts her hand over yours.

"You should wear it," she says, "And you should be with his family tonight."

"I can't..." you look down. "I'm supposed to be on guard during the procession," you explain but she shakes her head.

"You will walk with us," she says simply. "It is what Loki would have wanted."

"But the king said I'm not to mourn him in public, it would be..." you worry about his reaction to seeing you at the funeral.

"Leave the king to me," she says in a determined voice. You can't help but smile a little when you remember Loki once telling you that Odin may rule Asgard but Frigga ruled Odin.

"You are not just a soldier. Odin and the council may try to deny it, but you were not just his sentry nor even his friend," she sighs deeply and takes your hand again. "You should have been allowed to be his wife, Y/N. It is what you both wanted and deserved. I'm sorry these idiotic political issues kept you two apart while he was alive but I refuse to let anything stand in the way of you grieving him the way you should."

You can barely believe what you are hearing and you are at a loss for words.

Loki's body is dressed in full armor with his horned crown, his favorite daggers crossed over his chest as he rests in a wooden boat, surrounded by flowers from the garden he shared with his mother. The king and queen walk a few steps behind as the boat slowly floats towards the water. Civilians, council members and soldiers line either side of the long path, heads hung in respect and mourning. You walk next to Thor, your black gown flowing around you gently in the light breeze, your hands folded tightly together so you can feel the ring he wanted to give you. Tears stream steadily down your cheeks but you hold your head high and continue on.

The dark water ahead grows closer and when you see the mist from the falls beyond, your feet refuse to walk any further causing you to stumble. A hand reaches out and catches before you fall.

"I have you," Thor assures you, tears in his eyes as you take his arm for support.

"Thank you Thor," you look away as he fails to hold back the first of many tears. "I'm sorry you lost your brother."

He nods quietly and walks with you a few more paces before he says, "I'm sorry sister. I had not known how much you meant to Loki, I never would have treated so you poorly if I knew the truth. I only ever wanted my little brother to find peace and happiness. It seems as if he had found both with you."

You grip his arm tighter as the boat gently slips into the water, guided forward by Odin's magic. Odin halts a few feet from the edge of the water but Frigga continues to follow the boat until the hem of her dress becomes wet from the soft waves. Thor leaves you so he can stand with his father but you follow the queen. You cannot bear the thought that this is as close to Loki as you will ever be again. You want to follow him out into the water and over the falls to his life after this world.

All of Asgard watches in silence as Loki's body floats across the water in the wooden boat. Odin taps his scepter once on the sandy shore and the sound echos, somewhere behind you a single archer let's loose a flaming arrow and your heart stops. The boat catches instantly and your knees give out as he draws closer to the edge of the great falls.

You hit the ground hard and watch from your knees, tears streaming down your cheeks as the boat vanishes from view. Loki's spirit is set free, hundreds of beautiful green orbs float towards the sky above. You watch until the last light fades into the stars and cover your face with your hands to quiet your pained scream.

A few days after Loki's funeral, you accepted the queen's request to return as her sentry. Over the last month, you have force yourself to rejoin the world around you but inside you feel as if you are still drowning in your grief.

Every second you stand alone in silence outside of the queen's office is spent reliving past conversations with Loki. Each hallway you walk down holds a memory from your time spent following him as his sentry. The winding staircases where he held your hand secretly or stole a kiss when no one was around cause your chest to ache. You can't breath inside the palace, the very air reminds you of him.

Today is Sunday, a day you used to look forward to above all others, a day where you were once able to show Loki your love for him and feel his love for you. The queen opens her door and steps out, there is no need for her to tell you where you are going. You already know the destination.

You follow Loki's mother into the garden and a wave of emotions hit you so hard you find it hard to breathe. Every Sunday since Loki passed, you have taken his place beside her although it pains you both greatly.

You walk next to her slowly as she recounts stories from her son's childhood and teen years. You can hear the heartache in her voice as she corrects herself each time she speaks about Loki as if he still here. The stories vary over time, some are funny while others are seemingly random memories with no true focal point.

You listen to each story but you are simply performing for the queen, you smile and laugh at all the right moments but you have lost your ability to feel joy. Your eyes scan the garden while she talks as if Loki might somehow appear on the path ahead. As if he could be hiding behind every tree or tall hedge even though you know you will never see him again. The garden has become one more place on Asgard where Loki haunts you.

As you leave the garden, you both pause next to a tall, full rose bush with flowers that are marbled green and white. She touches the petals gently and takes your hand.

You stand at the top of the stairs and think about the nightmare that awaits you if you return to your room. Your sleep has been stolen by a single reoccurring dream every night for the last month. Smoke and ash cloud your vision, you feel heat burning your skin as the flames surrounding you grow steadily closer. The roar of the fire drowns out your screams for Loki and you always wake up suddenly to the same sound, the cry Loki's mother let out when she found him in your arms.

"Loki would have loved these," you tell her with another practiced smile.

She conjured them in honor of Loki after she spoke to your on the morning of his funeral. She gives you a hug and tells you that your are dismissed for the night. You nod and turn, leaving her to watch the sunset alone.

My beautiful Y/N,

You had decided tonight would be different, you were not returning to your room. You turn down the long dark hallway to your left, to the office where Loki had created a duplicate of his chambers using his magic.

Lighting a single candle, you take off your armor slowly and sit on the worn out couch. The cushions are flat and the legs are uneven but you are not worried about being comfortable, not tonight. All you want is to be somewhere you used to share with Loki. His office and chambers had both been sealed upon his death but even if they were not, you doubt you could bring itself to go in either.

You close your eyes for a moment to stay yourself then take out the note he gave you just before his death. You take a deep breath and open it for the first time.

I miss you more than I can put into words, I cannot wait until I have you in my arms again. I promised you that I would find a way for you to be mine forever and I think I finally have. We will be together soon and I will never let you go. I love you more than anything in the nine realms.

Love always, Loki

You fold the note carefully and hold it to your chest as you lay down. The tears you have kept locked away all day run down your cheeks. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you catch a glimpse of the ring he would be giving you at the Harvest Festival tomorrow if he were still alive.

You close your eyes and imagine Loki down on one knee in front of all of Asgard professing his love for you. You cry with joy and jump into his waiting arms, telling him you love him as you kiss him over and over.

The images fade and you roll over to face the back of the couch. You sniffle, wiping your eyes again and decide you will soon be with Loki forever. Tomorrow, before the festival, you are going to tell the queen you are leaving Asgard. You have made the decision to be sent to the front line of the ever raging war on Jotunheim.

If the Gods are good, you will meet Loki and your family in Valhalla before long.

This is the song that inspired me, if you listen to the end you will see why. Again... I'm sorry to everyone who reads this that I hurt you but I just needed to get this story out of my head. If you want the happy ending version please read the original part 3 (linked at the top) 💙💙

If you did like this, please like, comment and share! Thanks! 💚💚

@siconetribal @soubi001 @lulubelle814 @newtomofgods @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen

#spotify #trauma #tw death #trigger warning #death of a loved one #i just needed to get this out #i just needed to write this #i'm sorry #hiddlestoners #loki #tom hiddleston characters #loki laufeyson #twhiddleston #hiddlesarmy #loki x reader #loki odinson #hiddlesverse #Loki's Silent Sentry #loki x female reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #asgard #loki of asgard #loki friggason #loki god of mischief #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki angst #i warned you #this will hurt

[missacidburn928s-heathenhideaway]

I got all these issues. Will you be my prescription?

Bucky Barnes x POC!Reader

Wordcount: 4462

Summary:

A fight about your safety ensues when pictures of the two of you together get leaked by a fellow agent and former one night stand. He's livid that your relationship is exposed to the world and now could be used against him. You could care less who knows about your relationship. You've been together over a year, you knew what dating the former Winter Soldier brought with it. No, you're pissed that some bitch, who doesn't even count as an ex, is trying to ruin the best thing to happen to you.

Warnings:

Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Feels, Some Humor, Protective Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Song Lyrics, Inspired by Music, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, P In V Sex

Notes:

Hello Heathens! This oneshot came out of nowhere one evening when I was listening to music on my phone while working on another fic. A cover of the song "Issues" (originally performed by Julia Michaels) came on and my mind was flooded with this idea and story that I need to flesh out. I have no control of my muse. I just write the stories she tells me to. HAPPY READING! Lyrics for the song Issues by Cameron Bedell will be in bold. ( Here's a link for you to check out the song ) Thoughts in italic.

Banner by @cafekitsune Divider by @firefly-graphics

You're trying to get him to understand that the real problem is the agent and not the exposure. Yes you now have to be more careful when you're somewhere without him. But it's not much different than what you were already doing.

"If she leaked us being together what makes you think she wouldn't leak other more sensitive information. Hell, she already could have!" You argue, trying to get him to see the whole picture.

"I don't give a fuck about some jealous drunken hook up who still feels jaded. I never wanted you in danger. That's why it was so important to keep us hidden." He snaps back.

Your emotions finally get the best of you. "I never WANTED to be hidden James! I went along with it because it was something you needed that made you feel secure. One less reason I might leave." 

You shake your head as the tears begin to well in your eyes. "We're over a year in. I thought we'd be out to more than just people with enough clearance to be made aware. Makes me feel like your dirty little secret. I don't want to be that forever."

"Keeping your attachment to me hidden keeps you safe. What about that dont you understand?" He's so lost in his fear that he can't see things clearly.

"No. It leaves me vulnerable and easier to take with no one noticing because they're unaware of my relationship to the deadliest man I know." You calmly state. That seems to get his attention. "How can anyone fear the repercussions of even trying to get close to me like that without knowing who to be afraid of?" 

He just stands there. Tension radiating off his body. 

You let out an exasperated sigh and start walking to your door. "I think you need to go Bucky. I can't do this with you right now. You're so lost in your anger and fear that you're not thinking clearly. And I'm just plain pissed off. I don't want either of us to say something we regret later."

A look of shock crosses his face. "Doll, you can't be serious? We just got exposed. You're not safe."

"No one knows where I live, yet."

"Key word, yet."

"James." You reach for the knob. "Please just give me some time alone. I know where to find you when I'm ready. We both need to think about things from all angles."

He walks up to you and pins you to the door with a soul crushing kiss. Putting all of his fear and love into that one small gesture. He pulls away and allows you to open the door. Just as he crosses the threshold he turns his head your way. "This is far from over, doll. Don't keep me waiting too long."

You spend the next couple of days working through your thoughts with your guitar. Letting the music take you where you need to be. Mending the frayed edges and soothing the aches.

Through your musical therapy a song develops. Something that you think might help ease things between the two of you. Because, let's face it, you miss your man something fierce.

Every imperfect piece of him. Responding to his texts just to let him know you’re safe and alive, just isn't going to cut it anymore. Someone has to yield first, and it looks like this time around, it’s going to have to be you.

Mind made up on what you are going to do, you decide to give Steve a call.

It rings three times before he picks up. “Rogers.”

“Hey Stevie. How’s he holding up?” You waste no time asking what you so desperately want to know.

“Hey, Dollface.” He sighs. “‘Fraid to say, he’s not doing too great. Seems his already short fuse has shortened significantly. Had to take him off the training roster for the recruits because too many couldn't keep up with his demands or got injured.”

“Shit.” You shake your head even though you know he can't see it. “I was hoping he had calmed down some by now. I’m sorry Steve. I didn’t think he'd still be affected this much.”

“It’s not your fault. You know how overprotective he is in general. Add a threat, from the inside at that, and he goes nuclear.” He excuses.

“Well, I think I may have a solution to our problems.” You admit. “If not at least a band-aid for the time being. I’m going to need you and Sam’s help though. If you're willing of course.”

“I’m all ears. Want me to grab Sam so you don't have to explain it twice?”

“That would be great actually. I’d appreciate not having to spend more energy than I need too.”

“Alright. Hang on a sec.” You hear shuffling, followed by a door opening. Then the tell tale sound of a knock and a muffled voice before a door opens once more. “Hey Sam. Mind if I come in? I’ve got Buck’s best girl on the phone and she has something she wants to go over with us.”

“No problem man. Come on in.” Sam replies.

Once safely behind Sam’s door he places the phone on speaker. “Okay, doll. Tell us your plan.”

“It’s pretty simple really. I’ve used my time alone to reflect and process things the best way I know how. With my guitar.” You lightly chuckle. “Anyway. Long story short, I wrote something for James and I want to surprise him by performing it in front of you all.”

“All of us?” Sam asks.

“Well, just the Avengers. A small little private concert type of thing. Though I'll only be singing the one song halfway through. My friend has a great band that I think you all would love. If you can get Tony to hire them for the night to do a private show for you guys, I can sneak my performance in.”

“So Bucky will know about the private show but not that you're a part of it?” Steve questions for clarification.

“Yup.” You pop the ‘P’ for emphasis. “Think you can sway Tony to make this happen?”

“Seeing as how this should improve Bucky’s temperament and save us doing extra recruit rotations and paperwork. I don't see Tony being a problem. Text us when you know if your friend's band can do it and we’ll take it from there.” You can hear the relief in Steve’s voice over your plan.

“Thank you guys. I owe you big time.” You declare.

“Just help us get the normal grumpy old man back. That’s all we ask.” Sam imparts.

“That’s the plan.”

Tonight’s the night. You rub your hands anxiously against your thighs as the town car Tony sent for you cruises leisurely down the long Compound driveway. You surpass the front roundabout and make your way around to the back, near the private entrance and garage the Avengers use.

You text your friend Marco, the lead singer of Bow & Dagger, that you’ve arrived and to send someone out to get you. Of course your ex Chase, the bassist, is the one to greet you. He leans his body against the door frame, a smirk plastered across his face, as he scans your body from the bottom up. “Looking good Firefly.”

You roll your eyes at the use of your old nickname. “Still using that outdated moniker Chase?” 

He quirks a brow at you. “You’ll always be my firefly. Maybe even more so now that you’ve gotten away. I’ll forever be chasing your light.”

You can't help but laugh at him. “Does that lyrical prose still work on the female population nowadays?”

“I’ve had no complaints.” He shrugs. “It used to work on you just fine if I remember correctly. Hell you used to toss it right back at me.”

“The blessed naivety of youth. Thank the Goddess that I grew up and my priorities shifted. I’m a more well rounded individual now. Less in search of useless validation.”

“Ouch.” He clutches his chest. “Still got those talons, I see.”

“Never leave home with them.” You wink at him. “You gonna let me in so you can make that paycheck I’m sure is well above your normal fee, or stand there all night?”

“Get in here smartass before Marco lays in to me for wasting time.” He moves aside.

You walk into the pseudo green room and are immediately smothered in a bear hug. “Hiya Stu. I’m happy to see you too.” You say into his barreled chest. “Mind letting up a bit. I kinda need to feel my fingers in order to play.”

He quickly lets go, only to place his hands on your shoulders and stare at you with a dopey smile across his face. “I’m sorry girlie. I’m just so happy to see ya. It’s been too long.”

“It has. I’m sorry ‘bout that.” You wince. “Life kind of got away from me. You know how it goes.”

“I’d say all is forgiven, seeing as you booked us this sweet gig.” Marco butts in, scooping you up in a hug himself. 

“Fuck yeah! I finally get to shoot my shot with the Black Widow.” Stu exclaims.

“It’s the least I could do. You guys have no idea how much you're helping me out here.”  You walk over to the couch and place your travel case down.

“What exactly are we helping you with anyway?” Chase inquires.

“Some Rom-Com grand gesture type shit” You smugly state.

“No shit?” Stu asks.

“I speak only the truth.” 

“You gonna tell us who the unlucky schmuck is?” Chase snipes.

“With that attitude, you’re just going to have to wait and see.” You give him a smile to rival the Cheshire Cat’s. “The look on your face is going to be fucking priceless. I can’t wait.”

Before he can respond with some dickish comment, there’s a knock on the door, followed quickly by Tony and Steve entering the room.

Steve makes his way over to you. “Hey Dollface. You ready to get this show on the road?”

“I’m all set if these knuckleheads are ready to head on out there.” You turn towards the boys. “Have you guys met your benefactor for tonight's little private concert?”

“Negatory little lady.” Stu speaks up first, walking over to Tony. “Howdy Mr. Stark. The name’s Stu. Bow and Dagger’s drummer and loveable goofball. That’s Chase. Bassist and resident fuckboy. And the merose looking fucker over there is Marco our lead guitar and vocals.”

“That suits you.” Tony imparts. “You certainly give off drummer vibes. Lots of energy. Any questions on how this is gonna work?” 

“I wouldn't mind a breakdown.” You pipe up.

"Here's how it's going to go." Steve grabs everyone's attention with his Captain voice. "We're going to gather the team in the common room where Sam and I set up a stage earlier. Tony is going to introduce the band. You'll play 3 songs and announce your taking a 5 min smoke break. That's when Dollface here is going to make her way on stage and do her thing." 

He smiles over at you. "Hopefully if all goes well you guys will finish your set and then you're welcome to stay for dinner and hang out."

"Solid plan golden boy. You come up with that all on your own." You joke.

"Always with the smart quips. I'll remember that. Now let's get moving before the team gets restless and wanders off."

So far the evening was flowing seamlessly. As Bow & Dagger played the last notes on your third song, your nerves decided to make themselves known. You watched them announce their break and leave the stage. 

Before you could sabotage yourself, you made your way onto the tiny stage and turned to the group of mostly stunned superheroes. “Hey guys. I hope you don’t mind me interrupting. I have some things I need to get off my chest and thought I might provide some intermission entertainment in the process.”

You roam the space for Bucky and lock eyes with his Steel blues, seated on the sofa next to Steve. Taking a deep breath, your fingers begin to strum the opening chords, the team looking on in curiosity over what may come out of your mouth.

Sustaining eye contact you let the lyrics flow out of you as if there is no one else in the room.  

Mmm mm mm I'm jealous I'm overzealous When I'm down I get real down When I'm high, I don't come down I get angry Baby, believe me I could love you just like that And I could leave you just this fast

You take in his demeanor, stock still but engaged nonetheless.  

But you don't Judge me 'Cause if you did, baby I would judge you too No, you don't judge me 'Cause if you did, baby I would judge you too

The only thought in your head is Here goes nothing, as you put your whole heart into the chorus.

'Cause I got issues But you got 'em too So give 'em all to me And I'll give mine to you Bask in the glory Of all our problems 'Cause we got the kind of love It takes to solve 'em Yeah, I got issues And one of them is how bad I need you

You breathe a little easier when you notice him start to soften. Just absorbing the piece of your soul you're sharing with everyone. 

You do shit on purpose You get mad and you break things Feel bad, try to fix things But you're perfect Poorly wired circuit And got hands like an ocean Push you out Pull you back in

A subtle smile crosses his face at the truth in your words. The picture of him that many do not get to see. You really get into it as you run through the bridge and chorus one more time. Now it’s time to bring it home and woo your man.

Ooohhh, Need you OOOOOOH AHHHH I got issues You got 'em too So give 'em all to me And I'll give mine to you Bask in the glory Of all our problems 'Cause we got the kind of love It takes to solve 'em Yeah, I got issues And one of them is how bad I need you Ooh hoo hoo I got issues  One of them is how bad I need yoou Issues And one of them is how bad I need you

You could hear a pin drop in the room as Bucky rises from his seat and makes his way over to the stage. You swallow and try to get your breathing under control as you have no idea what is going to happen. 

Before you know it, he’s standing in front of you, broad chest heaving. He brings his hands up and cups your face before pulling you into an earth shattering kiss.

You forget that you have an audience until the sound of their cheers and clapping reaches your ears. You think you not only hear but see the muted flash of a camera through your closed lids.

You come up for air to see Bucky with the most lovesick expression on his face. “You did all that for me?” 

You nod your head. “Figured it was the best way to get you to listen and understand.”

“Fuck I love you.”

“Love you too James.”

Sam rushes over to the stage. “Man, I live streamed the whole thing. The people are going crazy over ya’ll.”

“You did what?!” You both blurt out.

“I streamed it. The world already knows about you. Might as well milk it. No need to thank me, damn.”

Bucky moves to jump off the stage and rush Sam. You barely catch him in time. “Hey. Don't let him get to you okay. You know how much he loves to rile you up.”

“Sorry, doll. He’s just such a douchebag sometimes. We were having a moment.” He apologizes, running his thumb along your bottom lip.

“It’s fine.” You nip at the flesh as it passes over once more. “What I really want to know is if performing the song in front of everyone was okay? I just wanted you to hear me out and understand my side of things. I didn't want to embarrass you or anything.”

“Doll. Stop rambling.” You shut your mouth. “I loved it. Honestly I liked that they got to see how much you feel for me.”

You beam up at him. “Good.”

“Now I have some displays of affection I need to show you myself. Come on babygirl.” He pulls you off stage and heads towards the hallway that connects with his, Steve and Sam’s wing of the compound.

You’re pulled inside Bucky’s room, tripping over your sneakers as he hurriedly maneuvers you through his space. “James, slow down. I’m gonna eat shit if you keep it up.”

He stops in front of the bed, turning toward you. “Shut up.” He grabs your waist and tosses you down on to the mattress, climbing on and caging you in with his massive frame. “You’ve used that mouth enough tonight. Now it’s my turn.” 

With no time to catch your breath, he renders you incapable of responding by capturing your lips with his own. Kissing life back into your body, as your tongues dance a tango only you know. 

He takes his time as his hands roam your curves. Sneaking his cool metal digits under your shirt, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He begins to remove your shirt, placing his flesh hand  underneath your lower back as he slowly lifts your torso to pull your shirt over your head. You raise your arms in aid, grazing your fingertips across the stubble along his jaw when he tosses your shirt aside.

He trails his hands down your flesh until he reaches the waistband of your jeans. With a quick snap of his vibranium fingers your button is undone, your zipper quickly following suit. He starts to slide the denim down, tapping your hip to get you to raise them so that he can remove them entirely.

Leaning back on his haunches, he grabs the back of his shirt with his flesh hand and pulls it off. His lust blown blue eyes focused on you draped over his bed sheets.  “So fucking beautiful.” He runs his hands up your legs, gripping the waistband of your panties when he reaches your hips and takes his time removing them from your body. 

“Take your bra off for me, babygirl.” You lean up on your elbows, reach behind your back and unclasp the garment, letting it fall away from you body. 

Leaning forward, he ghosts kisses along all of your exposed skin. Mapping out a trail of pleasure and gooseflesh. Teasing first one and then the other nipple with his tongue, ending each with a deep suction. 

The slow paced teasing continues, driving your need for him higher. He stops his trek at your mound, hot breath blowing puffs of air on the cooling slick leaking from your folds. “So beautiful and all mine.” He runs a cool metal finger along your drenched lips. He ensnares you in his gaze. “That’s right, isn't it, babygir? This pretty little pussy is mine to do with as I please?”

“Yes. All of this is yours.” You pant out. Delirious for him to do something more than tease.

“Damn right it is.” He runs a stripe from taint to clit with his skillful tongue. Circling your sensitive little bundle nerves, pulling a moan out of your throat. Having had enough of taking his time slowly torturing you he thrusts his tongue inside your aching center. The thick muscle massaging your silken walls, giving them something to finally clamp on to. 

“Mmm. James. Fuck. Your tongue feels so good baby.” Your hands anchor themselves in his hair, just enjoying the ride. But that’s not enough for him. He wants you desperate and begging before he gives in and makes you come apart on his cock.

He pulls his tongue out, swirling it along your folds, seeking out every drop of your essence. Moving the appendage upward to lightly circle figure eight patterns on your clit, bringing you right to the edge. So close to falling over that cliff into utter bliss before he pulls away.

“No! Why’d you stop? I was so close.” You sit up, reaching out for his face, wanting to drag him back to your pulsing center.

He scoots back off the bed. “The first time you come after sending me away and keeping your distance, is going to be while my cock is deep inside you.” He unbuckles his belt, drawing your eyes down to his hands working on divesting himself of the last of his garments.

You're hypnotized by his movements. Mouth watering as you wait for his thickness to spring free from its confines. Time seems to stand still as his pants drop to the floor. “You went commando.” You whisper out, licking your suddenly dry lips.  

“Wonderful coincidence. I wasn't expecting to see you tonight and Steve came pounding on my door right as I got out the shower to tell me I had to come be a part of the festivities. I just threw on the closest clothes.” He shrugged, wrapping his metal fist around his length, giving himself a few pumps as he drank you in with a predatory gaze.

“Lay back down, babygirl.” He husks out. The command sends a fresh wave of slickness to your core, anticipating what’s to come, as you slowly lie back.

“Spread those luscious thighs for me, doll. Present me with my perfect little pussy.” He grunts out as he continues to stroke himself, a bead of precome precariously close to dropping from the tip as he places a knee down on the bed.

You open your legs wide enough to show off your glistening folds. Following his command, but holding back just enough to make him growl and push your thighs open the rest of the way. 

“You really wanna play with me right now, babygirl? After keeping this body away from me for days?” He rubs his cock between your cleft, tip bumping against your engorged and still so sensitive clit.

You squirm and whimper, just wanting him to be inside of you already. That halted orgasm, inching its way back to the surface every time his hot length grazes your bundle of nerves. 

“I’m sorry, James. Please. Need you inside me.” You plead. “It’s been too long since you filled me up.”

“You’re sorry huh?” You quickly nod your head. “Gonna let me wreck this pussy? Ruin you for anyone else? Milk me dry like the cumdrunk little slut that you are?”

“Yes. Yes. Please.” You beg, just wanting him to finally take you, reclaim you as his own.

“As you wish, babygirl.” He slams forward to the hilt, splitting you open with his girth.

He doesn't even give you a moment to get reacquainted with the size of him deep inside you. He just pulls back and thrusts in harder. Setting up a pace that just makes your brain go fuzzy and every nerve-ending sings in pleasure.

“Fuuuck. Look at you doll.” He grunts out. “Already cock drunk and I’ve barely gotten started. Pussy’s gripping me so tight baby. She doesn't want to let me go.”

Your mind can't function enough to produce anything other than moans, whimpers and wails of pleasure. You’re flying a serotonin high you are not ready to come down from yet. The coil in your core tightening as you dance closer and closer to the knife's edge of orgasm. Waiting for the moment when you dive off the edge into ecstasy.

Almost as if sensing that your climax is impending, Bucky picks up the pace, swiveling his hips and grinding his pelvis down on your clit for added stimulation. “Come on, baby. Come for me, pretty girl. I can feel your walls quivering around me. Give in. Fall apart on my cock. Show me how good I make you feel.”

That’s it. That’s all you need to lose yourself and let go completely. Surrendering to the euphoric bliss, screaming out for the whole compound to hear.

A rainbow of stars detonate behind your eyes as you writhe beneath him, back arching off the mattress before you go limp, laying in a state of bonelessness.

“Don’t pass out on me now doll. I’m so close. Little pussy is squeezin’ me so tight.” His pumps become erratic as he chases his own high. “Don’t you want me to fill  you up? Have me leaking out of you for days?”

You just nod and whisper out. “Please. Full.” Not able to formulate more than two words in your current state.

It was all the validation that he needed to hear to stop holding back and release the days worth of his seed into your waiting womb. Painting the walls white with rope after rope of his spend. 

It felt like it went on forever with how much he was pouring into you, until his dick stopped twitching and he collapsed on your chest. Catching his breath and covering your face in sweet kisses as you both come back down to earth.

You stayed locked together, your pussy warming his cock, as you both let your fingertips roam along the other's skin. Allowing yourselves time to just revel in the moment of the new direction your relationship is heading.

"You sure you're okay with the world knowing about us, doll? You’re not afraid that you'll no longer be safe?" He asks into your neck. 

"Like I said before, I feel no less safe than I did before, James.” You tell him with conviction. ”Plus now, I get to rub it in everyone's face that the White Wolf is all mine.” You grin like the cat that got the cream. “You're truly stuck with me now, Bucky."

He chuckles. "I wouldn't have it any other way." He places a soft kiss on your lips.

Just as the kiss deepens and you start the journey towards round two, there’s a knock at the door, followed by Sam’s muffled voice. "You guys done making up yet? Steve wont let us eat until you guys get back out here."

You both can’t help but laugh. "Tell Stevie we'll be right out but we're not staying long. I've got time to make up for."

“TMI man! A simple ‘Be right out’ would have been enough, Buck.” Sam scoffs as we walks back to the common area.

“Come on, doll. Let’s get dressed before Stevie comes looking for us next.”

If you made it to the end, THANK YOU! If you liked it please feel free to let me know (but it's not required); and if you didn't, that's okay too, I still thank you for even giving it a chance.

#poc reader #avengers smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes

[dragonsleather]

An update on my account. I will no longer post any LoZ art on Tumblr. For the past several weeks, I have been feeling repeatedly unsafe and uncomfortable from my expirience here. No matter how much I curate my time here, nothing improves or works effectively. I am still in frequent proximity to the things that have hurt, and continue to hurt me. My love for the series itself has been soured and I want to move on to better things. (I'm also sick of this series' constant racism and misogyny; TotK plays a part in killing the love I had in this too). I thank you for all your support, but this place does not make me happy anymore.

#I'm keeping this post vaguely worded because i shouldn't need to tell strangers personal things for them to respect me #and also I don't want to spend my evening panicking about the million ways people want to argue with me #No one gets to decide anything on my behalf #I'm kinda heart broken about this ngl #to have something I invested so much love in turn into something that makes me feel face numbing dread #I feel like I'm trying to write to convince the very people who ruined this for me to treat me like a human. or. care? #which is a lost battle from the start #just unfollow and leave me alone. Prove to me you can at least respect me. That's the least I can ask for here. #cal.txt

[bulletsfrank]

me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:

#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back #i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest #drinking is worsening it all #i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen #its just me and teddy #im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore #i cant handle people looking at .e #me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard #i keep finding myself face down floating in the river #and when i turn my body over #my face isnt rotten #it isnt bloated at all. #... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago #then i snap out and im making dinner #and im someone else. somewhere else forever #im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone #because what would they do? #the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it #i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running

[nordicbananas]

shudder i keep on hearing the sound of these guys saying my name send help

#they call out to me so much it's forever stuck in my head please leave me alone <333333 #and now the one that said he had a crush on me (I honestly do not know if he's joking tbh) who also looks like brent rivera. #but uh. he found out my dead name even though most people knew it he joined this year which is when I changed my name at school #so that's so amazing and fun that he now knows that name. and refers to me as both but favors my dead name #I love the world so much I love that class so much the only thing that keeps me in that class is twiggles #ily twiggles but I'm at my limit in there it's not ur fault pookster #I'm going. insane. I cannot deal with them anymore. #I wish to go back to when off brand brent rivera was just a joke xjgxhgxjgxjg #okay love you guys lmk if you want the brent rivera look alike story <33 #WAIT OLI I SAID ID TELL YOU ABOUT THAT LIKE. TWO MONTHS AGO #CJGIGCCUGCUG I CAN'T RN BUT LIKE TONIGHT LMK IF YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT HAHAHA

[illegiblehandwriting1]

GOOD MORNING Y'ALL i woke up at o'dark thirty, got caffeinated, spent a few hours reading and now i am ready to make Sky's life a living hell :D cuz today is WRITING DAY even if i don't feel like it i gotta start, gotta go down the rabbit hole and get in the zone, gotta make some BIG DECISIONS cuz how the fuck do i want this to go lmao

worst part is that i think i know how i want ch17 to end but just the general gist of it, not the actual details but we'll figure it out!

#illeg updates #chicken scratch #smoke & ashes #lu sky #giving myself a pep talk lol #i'll pick something and hope it sticks honestly #OH OH OH WAIT I CAN DO THIS #I WISH I COULD TELL YOU GUYS BUT I CAN'T #I JUST GOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA #sky's fear of abandonment and being alone is giving me so many ideas rn #man can only function w/ other people and he keeps meeting people and then having to leave them behind #SO oh my goodness yes ok that works #ok ok this will help for later on #cuz he's gonna be Thinking things in ch17 i think #and they're gonna come back when something else happens #WAIT NO THAT DOESN'T WORK #YES IT DOES BUT DIFFERENTLY #oh shit he won't even knowwwww... #keeps leaving people and then OH YES WAIT THAT WORKS #THAT WORKS I LIKE THAT #LET HIM ANGST WITHOUT KNOWING THINGS THAT I KNOW AND YOU WILL KNOW BUT NOT YET #we need✨buildup✨ #also more angst #and he should interact w/ society probably #ok ok i have a game plan #maybe #ehhhhhhhhh we've got this it's fine #just throw it on the doc and see what sticks lmao

[pepprs]

doing really bad in ways i can’t talk about which is making it worse

#just cancelled a meeting so i could cry in the office LMAOOOOOOO 🥰👍 #purrs #the mortifying ordeal of my therapist being on her honeymoon rn 😹😹😹😹😹 #i think i am just a bad person and my needs hurt people who need me. and it’s not fair to them and idont know what to do with that. #i think i may have to move out sooner than i am ready to and not listen to anyone telling me to keep waiting. this is not sustainable. it’s #not sustainable for my family because i hurt them with my needs. and it’s not sustainable for me to be unable to need and get what i need #without hurting them. i think what’s so hard about this is that i have to do it alone and everyone is against me doing it but i have to do #it anyway. i don’t know. i don’t want my sister to see this and get hurt. if you do see this im sorry i can’t be what you need. im sorry my #needs hurt you. but they’re needs. i have to be selfish even though my brain is screaming at me in your voice that i don’t. i just need to #escape it all. i am allowed to need independence and alone time and im sorry i was cruel about asserting it but i need to assert it and no #one at home understands why but I need to. im not talking coherently i just feel so wretched and sick to my stomach with guilt and grief and #frustration and shame and i have to facilitate a huge session in an hour and a half. #delete later #like my friends / mutuals / mentors / etc can tell me until they’re blue in the face that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live an #independent Life etc etc but none of you are actually in my house and you don’t see how it is and how i am the cause of all of it and how im #stuck and making things worse. and i can’t summon my strength or calm down or anything. i don’t know. i have to get ready for the session i #just can’t even think straight. my family is right and i am also right and i can’t assert my rightness over theirs. so im stuck forever. #if i could i would leave work early and go home but there’s no one to take me home and home is actually the worst possible place to be #right now LOLLLLL. i just need to curl into a bed and cry. also im about to get my period so thats probably why im like this lol

[hella1975]

okay so im staying the night at my friend's in my Uni City on sunday bc my maths exam is monday morning and i dont have any accommodation there anymore (which is really stupid on the uni i feel? like they expect kids to be paying the train and accommodation fares AND navigate the current rail strikes AND revise during heatwaves when they could just very easily in this post-covid world put the exams online? baffling) and this is my one coursemate that's super super good for me in that she's VERY disciplined and WILL yell at me if im not working like i should be. she's also the econ student who asked me in the corruption lecture if tax evasion is legal but that's neither here nor there. anyway my point is she lives locally hence why im staying with her and i cannot stress enough how much she singlehandedly holds my academic life together. like i am going to show up on her doorstep with all my notes and just burst into tears im sure of it

#guarantee she'll teach me more for my resit the night before than i managed to do in 4 weeks alone #the only thing is her parents are SUPER fucking nice and keep offering me shit #and im so so miserable during exam season like i need to just stay in a room all day revising and not talking to people #otherwise the stress will just eat me alive #so even though it's a pain im then gonna come HOME on monday after the exam just to stay at hers again #on the 3rd for my macro exam next thursday #nightmare #BUT her parents keep insisting i stay the entire time like keep in mind they've met me ONCE #and tbf parents always love me like it's just one of my charms <3 but inviting someone for FOUR DAYS when i wont even be leaving #the house the entire time is mad #like mad in a good way bc they genuinely are just being stupidly generous #BUT STILL #and they always offer me a shit ton of food and im a nightmare for refusing free food #like one time the uni converted part of the SU into a langar and i went with this exact friend actually #when i tell you it was the worst combination in the best way my god i have never eaten so much in my life #she was like 'just say no when they offer' i was like bestie i CANT you dont understand #and it's like that with her parents too im in heaven and hell simultaneously every time #so im just gonna be teary and stressed out my mind on the floor surrounded by notes as far as the eye can see #and my poor friend and her parents are gonna be TOO NICE and it's going to break me like i have been holding on by a thread all month #watch me on the verge of a breakdown and the thing that tips me being the absolute angel that is my friend mum #once again asking if i want anything #her: are you okay in here can i get you anyth- #me: *immediately starts sobbing* #AND IM ON MY PERIOD ARE YOU INSANEEE #hella goes to uni #anyway im feeling normal about this resit how are you

[mrsmarlasinger]

Falling asleep with hypoglycemia and waking up an hour later with Hypoglycemia But Worse because you didn't eat to fix it feels like waking up on the peak of a too-strong edible you took right before bed

#personal #i woke up so confused & didn't remember what was happening & felt like i'd blacked out for hours. anyway my health issues are getting worse #i had a medical crisis at work today. i was slurring my words and shaking violently and couldn't see and my leg was convulsing #and i had to clock out because i couldn't remember what i was doing and i was freezing and my mouth and hands were numb #my coworker asked if i was okay bc i looked pale and i could barely speak. and i mumbled 'i let my blood sugar get too low' #and they ALL whipped out SO much food & made me eat. so i had a nutrigrain bar with the boba i got from the place we ordered from for lunch #i was still sick and dizzy all day but i almost instantly felt better after i ate. i'd really thought i was gonna go unconscious #coworker jazz made me take her graham crackers to keep in my desk in case it happens again. i was so fucking mortified #we were talking later about how her eating habits are weird and she said she doesn't like people nagging her about it and i said #'that's why i just tell people i'm weird with food from the get-go. then they know Marla Is Weird With Food and leave me alone' #and my new (to me) coworker gabby—who i had to tell earlier that i Don't Eat—was like 'what do you mean weird w/food. like you're picky?' #and i was like '...........i have an eating disorder' (bc people share personal things at the office all the time. & it was obvious anyway) #and yeah it was awful. then i went home tonight and fell asleep and you know the rest #not my cutest girl moment‚ i must say #tonight i want to take a bath & have a drink & thus tank my blood sugar even more. and probably fuck up my liver or w/e even worse. slay #hypoglycemia #drug mention #disordered eating #disordered eating mention #disordered eating tw #tw disordered eating #ed tw #ed cw #tw ed #cw ed #ed mention #ana tw #ana cw #tw ana #cw ana

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable #and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back #i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive #logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt #and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but... #like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her #fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating #bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a #state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this? #and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid #recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet #but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid #it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off #when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically #a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick #instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway #i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday #idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave #the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was #approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty #bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷‍♂️ #whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫 #unrelated