#i keep thinking about having my second covid birthday and actually turning 20 which is something i don't want and if I think about it i

[lettersfromandie]

2020 Highlights

I guess it'd be an understatement to say that 2020 was a really awful year, given the devastating effects of the global pandemic and the innumerable disasters and issues happening in our country. I think we got jinxed with our "2020, please be good to me" posts 🙍

We all started that year still not knowing about the presence of COVID-19, and from then on, it all went pretty downhill after that. From everything that has happened in my life and others', I can frankly say that 2020 was actually the worst 😠 However, while reflecting on it, I can also count some bright days. I guess it wouldn't hurt to kind of celebrate the good ones during that horrible year, eh?

I fully acknowledge that so many lives were (and still are) at stake and just trying to get through that year wasn't easy for us -- even much more for others. I also know that terrible things can still happen regardless if there's a pandemic or not. But I too still acknowledge that despite the horrible year, there were actually bits in my life, however small or big they seem, that remind me to keep moving forward and get through the day no matter how mentally and emotionally challenging 2020 had been.

So I just want to share some of the good highlights I had that kept me sane during that dreadful year, without seeming tone-deaf or tactless:

HK & Macau Trip

Litrato mula sa sandaling bago mag sakuna??  Wow pre-COVID days na we were still not stuck in our homes? and still be able to travel?? Gosh I miss those days  😞 

Anyway, this was my first time in Macau and second time in Hong Kong! We went back a year after our first HK trip because our fam loves it there. What I most especially like in HK is its easy-peasy convenient public transportation system -- which, I reckon, is a huge factor why we wanted to visit again since it's less hassle to go to many different places. Macau though, has one of the most beautiful and extravagant-looking architecture and interiors (we only visited a whole day because too laysho for my layf LOL). 

With High Honors

I don't have a photo to share for this highlight (well I actually have a few but for privacy reasons I wish not to nalang) but I'm really so happy to know that my hard-earned efforts led to the expected performance and reward! I remember back in JHS I made a deal to myself that if I ever belong in the Top 10, I'll treat myself with a large Sbarro lasagna! HAHAHAH grabe noh kana ra jud haha it's been long since I last ate one (gi dibdib jud ang deal ba) and I actually haven't treated myself one after the recognition program. When everything starts to settle down I hope to get myself one!! hihi (I can only imagine how the food tastes better after not eating it for years!)

Happy Birthday to me!

I turned 19 on May 19th! Ew, I am growing old. Just the thought of me turning 20 this year makes me puke 😖 chz. But this is obviously worth celebrating because I am blessed with the gift of life and the time to celebrate it with my family <3 

Passed UPCAT

MOM, I PASSED UPCAT! AAAAHHHHH Well this is unexpected as someone who just skrrrt-ed my way through the Math part and didn't even finish half of it! Luck doesn't always favor me but I'm happy that I got lucky in this 😊 I feel like I don't deserve it but still, thank you so much, Lord!

The Weeb Life

If there's one thing to describe what I did the whole time while I was just at home, I would say... BINGING ANIME! My fave anime characters are my fave fictional companions during quarantine huhu I'm so glad I started watching anime (and reading manga) this year. Honestly at first it wasn't really my cup of tea after watching some anime recommendations but then I tried watching one episode of Attack on Titan and after that MY LIFE STARTED TO CHANGE (HAHAHA OA kaayo noh).

There were actually days and moments I did not include in my highlights that gave me a sense of strength and purpose while coping everything that had happened that year. But I wish to just keep it to myself for these are my little personal winning moments hihi. 

Albeit this "wasted" year of mostly spending my days within four-cornered walls, 2020 was actually a year of learning and growth for me. I just hope this year everything will eventually get better for all of us and we'll no longer have to get by with those community quarantine classifications 🙏

Love, Andie

#2020 #highlights

[bystreetlight]

Here we go again!

1. What did you do in 2022 that you hadn’t done before? Lived in a house that I owned, bought a car…I genuinely can’t think of anything else.

2. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not this year.

3. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully, no.

4. Did you travel? Where did you go? Best holiday memory? Hahahaha! Travel?! Holidays!? What are those? The only time I left Melbourne this year was to go to Mildura in March for my nephews’ birthdays. It was lovely but my god I’d kill a man for an actual holiday in the near future.

5. Best thing you bought? A Ring doorbell. And our new couch.

6. Where did most of your money go? To the bank to cover the neverending interest rate increases! Yay!!!!!!!

7. What do you wish you had done more of? Reading books? I really gave up on reading in the second half of this year which makes me sad 😥

8. What do you wish you had done less of? Thinking about money and worrying about the cost of living.

9. What kept you sane? Probably listmaking, as in many previous years of my life hahahah.

10. What drove you mad? The fucking awful weather. I feel like it rained for about 95% of the year and it really sucked my will to live.

11. What made you celebrate? When Novak Djokovic got deported from Australia for being an anti-vaxxer/general dickhead, and then Rafa won the AO and it was the best tournament of all time. When the Queen died and we got an extra long weekend.

12. What made you sad? When our house got broken into, and all our jewellery and our car got stolen in October. I don’t think I will ever really get over it 😔. Also when Shane Warne died, for reasons that I still can’t quite explain.

13. How was your birthday this year and how old did you turn? I went into the office for the first time in months, but no one knew it was my birthday and I didn’t bother to tell anyone, so it was very lowkey! Went for lunch the weekend before and had a beautiful meal at Riso Diner (RIP!!!). I turned 38.

14. What political issue stirred you the most this year? SAVE THE PRESTON MARKET. And when SloMo got the boot in May.

15. Were you in love in 2022? Always!

16. What would you like to have in 2023 that you didn’t have this year? A HOLIDAY PLEASE DEAR GOD LET ME HAVE A FEW DAYS OFF WORK TO GO ON A PLANE SOMEWHERE AND HAVE A NICE TIME.

17. What date(s) from 2022 will be etched in your memory and why? 18 October, when we got burgled 😭

18. What song will remind you of 2022? Anything from the Lizzo album, which I listened to excessively. And Miles From Nowhere because #ofmd.

19. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did!!!! FINALLY made a will after having it on my to do list for about 4 years!! Next year…I want to look after myself a bit more. Two years of lockdowns and overindulging because there was nothing else to do has left me with some bad habits.

20. Did you suffer illness or injury? I was so stressed earlier in the year from moving house and changing jobs and a repeated water leak situation at home that a chunk of my hair fell out and I had a bald spot for several months hahaha!!!! Great times! Then I had COVID in July which FUCKED. ME. UP. I had surgery in September which also fucked me up, but it was elective, and has improved my quality of life considerably so I don’t know if that counts.

21. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? I wouldn’t say I’m sadder but my anxiety has definitely gotten worse this year so I want to work on that for next year! ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter probably, given that I stopped exercising in July when I got COVID and then didn’t start again 🙈. iii. richer or poorer? Ugh, richer on paper maybe, but I feel very poor every time I look at my mortgage account hahahah.

22. How will you be spending Christmas? Christmas Day at my inlaws for lunch, which should be lovely. And then a few days off to chill out and try to relax after a fairly intense year.

24. What was your favourite TV program? Our Flag Means Death, The Bear, the final season of Atlanta, What We Do in the Shadows, Reservation Dogs, the final season of Derry Girls…it was a very good year of TV.

25. What was the best book you read? Devotion by Hannah Kent DESTROYED me. And against my better judgement I read and enjoyed Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney. I have also been attempting to read To Paradise but the fact that it’s taken me 6 months and I’m only halfway through says it all really.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Orville Peck.

27. What did you want and get? A new couch, some beautiful custom cabinets, a great new job for next year.

28. What did you want and not get? Time off/away.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022? It was a bit all over the shop this year, but the most important thing I learned is that any shoe can be a work shoe if you’re wearing it to work.

30. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jeremy Allen White, Ayo Edebiri, Taika Waititi (sorry), Bad Bunny (again).

31. Biggest achievement this year? I started out the year feeling sad about having to leave my last job but I ended up smashing it on the career front this year! Worked on an amazing project for most of the year and then was offered a role I’ve always wanted to do as soon as the project started wrapping up 💪🏼💪🏼

32. Biggest disappointment this year? When some of the gardenias we planted in the front yard died. And when Chan vs Chan (the most amazing local restaurant) closed down.

33. What is the one thing that would have made you more satisfied? If a pilates studio had opened within walking distance of my house.

34. Best new person you met this year? Our lawn mowing man 😂

35. A valuable life lesson you learnt this year? See question 29.

#year in review #survey thingo

[tobinheath]

Leah Williamson and Keira Walsh have shared enough “written in the stars” moments in their 23 years to make them feel that they were fated to be best friends. Since meeting on an England Under-15s camp, their football careers have played out with a striking, almost eerie, similarity. They each play for their childhood clubs — Williamson for Arsenal, Walsh for Manchester City — and have a knack of picking up the same injuries at the same time.

They both received their first senior call-up on the same day in 2017. The 2019 World Cup was their first senior England tournament: they called each other to celebrate even before they called their parents, which resulted in Williamson shrieking “bloody hell — what have we done here?” in tears outside a London branch of Nando’s.

Most memorably, Williamson made her England debut coming on for Walsh, in the final six minutes of a World Cup qualifier against Russia in 2018. “My mum’s just framing my shirt, pestering me for that picture,” Williamson says.

Walsh interrupts, giddily. “I think that’s the only time I’ve actually done a full-teeth smile. I was so buzzing.”

“Yeah,” remembers Williamson, “because I was game faced, and you proper smiled at me and I went…” before jerking her mouth into a tight-lipped, nervous smile, chuckling.

“If it was anyone else,” Walsh picks up, “I’d have been, like: ‘I don’t want to come off’. But as soon as I saw it was Leah, I was buzzing.”

This is life at the top for two of England’s most talented young players: phenomenal success and too many good memories to count.

Today, best friends will turn opponent and they will face each other in the Women’s Super League (WSL) for the first time this season — hosts Manchester City are fourth, four points behind second-placed Arsenal — with Williamson pointing out that in a pre-COVID-19 world, she would have stayed after the match with Walsh’s family in Rochdale, where Walsh’s mother Tracy is “just like my mum”.

Over the hour they spent together on Zoom, they are gloriously good fun: warm, ebullient and habitually careering into laughter. They balance each other out, Walsh says: she is “shy and awkward” — though you would not know it here — and Williamson is the “buffer” in certain situations, and the more “logical” one of the two. Williamson views Walsh as the honest one, sometimes brutally so. “I have to step in sometimes and give it a smile and keep it balanced,” she says. “If I play a game and I’m not actually sure how it went, I would text Keira, because I know I’d get the most honest answer from anybody, even if that means it’s not what I want to hear. I think that is where the respect comes from.”

To track the pair’s football careers has been to often forget how young they are. Walsh made her City debut a few months after her 17th birthday and in November this year, Williamson played her 150th game for Arsenal. It is common for those in women’s football to grow up fast but in conversation, one is reminded of the duo’s gleeful, wonderful youth. There was the time, for instance, they rented electric scooters one afternoon at the World Cup in France to explore with Walsh’s Manchester City team-mate Georgia Stanway. The room-mates — Stanway with Williamson, Walsh with Lucy Bronze — had a group chat titled “The three best friends and Lucy”. Stanway, the youngest England player at the tournament, sped ahead on her scooter and they had to “rein her back in”, Williamson says.

“You were being a bit of a Cautious Claire, weren’t you?” teases Walsh, turning to Williamson, “probably as you should do at a World Cup. I think we were just enjoying being kids, weren’t we? Obviously, we were playing, and the reason we were there was to win, but we have so much free time that we were just enjoying being the younger ones.”

“All the older ones… that’s what they kept saying to us,” says Williamson. “Kaz Carney was like: ‘Make sure you enjoy your time now, because hopefully one day you will be the senior ones and there’ll be a lot more pressure on you. Just have the best time ever, make as many memories as possible. Jill Scott — I mean, she was a bit more wild than we are — said she’s got some of the best memories ever from those early tournaments and she wished she could do it again. I don’t think we wanted to waste a second.”

Do not presume, though, that the pair are anything other than serious competitors. By 20, Walsh had won every domestic title going: the WSL, FA Cup and League Cup. Williamson has won the league once, the FA Cup twice and the League Cup twice, finishing as runner-up in the latter to Walsh’s City in 2019. Walsh, an artful holding midfielder in the mould of Sergio Busquets — she grew up watching clips of him and David Silva with her father — will be among the most important players in the England squad moving forward and Williamson, capped 17 times, is touted as a future England captain.

It has not always been easy, though. An early test came in the form of Williamson’s ankle injury, sustained playing for Arsenal against Walsh’s Blackburn Rovers in the FA Youth Cup final. It was so traumatic Walsh admits there are still occasions she will search for Williamson’s results, see her friend has come off and think, “Please tell me it’s not her ankles again. My mum mentions it to me. She’ll say: ‘Did you see Leah came off?’” She addresses Williamson. “Because I’ve seen you in person do it, I feel like I automatically panic. When I see you at camp two weeks later, you’re like: ‘Maybe I was being a bit soft when I came off — it’s nothing to do with my ankles’. But I know what you’ve been through with them, so it is the first thing I think about.”

Williamson, in her own words, “basically just snapped my ankle and everything in it” after misplanting her foot. Stretcher, gas and air, a wheelchair, a doctor advising her to go straight to hospital. “I’m trying to fight back the tears and she’s nearly crying looking at me as well,” Williamson remembers. She stayed at the game because Arsenal had lost the season prior and she wanted to collect her winner’s medal.

“I think I played most of the game thinking, ‘I just hope she’s OK’,” says Walsh. “The only thing I actually remember from that game — not the goals or anything — was afterwards, I saw Leah on the side in a wheelchair with an Arsenal bobble hat on, having to wheel herself on to get her winner’s medal.”

A few months on from Williamson’s injury, Walsh damaged her ankle ligaments — it was an impact injury, and on her laptop, Williamson has pictures of her and Walsh “in wheelchairs at different times”. Walsh collected her second ankle injury at a training camp in La Manga, by which point Williamson’s ankles had betrayed her again. “We were both sat on the bench laughing because it was just crazy luck that we’d both done it again,” Walsh smiles. “I knew I couldn’t sit there feeling sorry for myself next to you.”

During their separate rehabilitation processes, they maintained the habit of visiting each other as often as they could. Their close friendship meant they were never allowed to share a room on international duty to ensure they didn’t isolate themselves from the rest of the group. Walsh was the class clown and Williamson the captain, meaning that “Leah would always get told off for me. They’d always be like: ‘Leah! You need to tell Keira she needs to be a bit more professional!’”

What it all meant was they had lost time to make up elsewhere. Each Christmas, Walsh would come to London from Rochdale and Williamson’s mother Amanda “would treat us to something from Jack Wills. That was like an annual little thing that we did, because I don’t think that I’d ever heard of Jack Wills, being from the north, until I met all these southerners at camp that used to wear it. I think I actually used to go down to see Amanda more than you, to be honest.”

What did they think of each other when they first met?

“You first,” says Williamson.

“No — you go,” Walsh replies.

“I’m going to big you up here,” Williamson begins. “Keira’s always been… she was always one of the best there, and you always want to be mates with the good ones.”

Walsh returns the favour: “I think I was quite jealous of you when you first came because everyone was like: ‘She’s amazing. I was thinking, I want to be amazing, as well, so I want to be friends with her.”

“That’s good, that we both thought the same thing.”

“There you go, then. That’s why we’re friends.”

“I’d say I’m your fangirl, Keira. I’m your hype man.”

Walsh has always been Williamson’s biggest supporter — “when you scored your first goal for England, I think I was happier for you than I would have been if I’d scored” — but probably has good reason to worry about Williamson calling herself a hype man. Before the World Cup, Williamson visited Cex, the second-hand goods chain, and spent £50 on some DJ decks to master during downtime at the tournament.

“I just looked across the corridor and I was like, ‘What is that noise? I’m sure that’s Leah’s room’,” Walsh recalls. “I opened the door and you had these big headphones on, mixing the decks. I saw Georgia just lying on the bed and I was like, ‘What is going on in here?’ They had the balcony door open and you were like: ‘Wait for the drop. Wait for the drop’. I was like: ‘OK – I’ll wait for the drop. You like your music, you are good with music and you actually might be very good. I trust you’. And the drop just never came.”

Williamson hoots with laughter. “Never came. I thought it would be so much easier than it was. It was so hard.” She shakes her head, jokingly rueful. “Massive flop. Massive flop.”

“I feel like you just try your hand at loads of random stuff,” continues Walsh. “I see you on camp and you’re like: ‘I’m doing the harmonica now’.”

Williamson says she has “found her calling” playing the piano in lockdown, but Walsh is unimpressed. “It’s just you try to give off this cool vibe and I feel like people don’t really know you. It just makes me laugh. What have you got — a lightsaber pen? And Star Wars pyjamas? People would just not think that. When you see the exterior of Leah, you would just think, ‘No – not Star Wars’. She’s done all these photoshoots, she’s dead cool, and then she just whacks out the craziest stuff and just makes me laugh.”

Williamson holds up her hands. “It’s true. I can’t deny it.”

The World Cup was particularly testing for Walsh, for whom fierce social media criticism left her questioning whether she wanted to continue to play football. Walsh has spoken numerous times about the impact on her confidence, but what was it like for Williamson, who did not feature as much as Walsh, to witness? She pauses. “I think it’s hard,” she begins, “because you just feel so powerless when you’re not playing. It’s not even like I can go on the pitch and have a shocker to save her from the criticism,” she laughs. “If I tell Keira she’s great, there’s a slight bit of her that’s… I’m her best mate, so I’m going to try and pick her up as much as possible.

“The main thing, especially from a squad perspective, is that we all know how valuable Keira is to us and how — I’m bigging you up here — she’s the centre of what we’re doing as a team. It just annoys me. I wish I could eradicate all those other people because we, as a team, appreciate her so much. That’s all I ever said to Keira – if anybody was picking a team, you’d be the first name on the teamsheet. But it’s hard to get… like I say, I’m her best mate, so I’m honest with her, but at the same time, she probably needed to hear that a little bit more.”

They didn’t talk about it so much, Walsh says. “Because you weren’t playing, I didn’t want to put that on you because I felt like it would be selfish,” she adds. “I thought, at the time: you know what? We’ll just make the best of it off the pitch, and I think that’s why we had such a good time.” Williamson’s first appearance, from the bench in the round-of-16 match against Cameroon, changed Walsh’s perspective “because I was just so happy for you that I didn’t care what people would say about me at that moment. People could say whatever they wanted because I’ve just played in a World Cup with my best friend. Not many people can say that.”

To be best friends, as professional athletes, is a balancing act: in any other walk of life, they would — could — rage at each other, moan, weep, get angry. As professional footballers, they are wary of distracting the other. “I know what you want to achieve, so my problems taking a back seat is fine with me if I know you’re going on to achieve what you want to achieve,” Walsh tells Williamson.

To Sunday, then, and what will happen when two best friends turn competitors for 90 minutes. Walsh smirks. “I feel like you try and keep a really focused head, and then I’ll just be like…” she cups her hands for a high-pitched whisper and springs up like a Jack in a box. “’Leah!’” Williamson rollicks back with laughter. “Then she’ll turn around and she’ll start laughing, but I do it because I know she’s going to laugh and I know that she’s trying to focus. I feel like I’m a lot more relaxed than you. You’re like, ‘Game face, game head, here we go’, and you just have that annoying friend in the background.”

Stanway is the worst, apparently, to the point where Walsh and Williamson will intervene — Williamson with a stern “we’re not having that today” when Stanway inevitably flattens her early doors. “We always text each other a couple of days, speak to each other earlier on in the week before we play each other,” says Williamson of her and Walsh.

“In the game and stuff, we have our little tiffs, and if I say something and she doesn’t agree with it, we’re both playing for the win, and we both understand that,” Walsh concludes, “but then afterwards, we’re straight over to each other.”

She starts to sign off, but Williamson beats her to it. “See you Sunday,” they chorus, in unison.

#leah williamson #keira walsh #lionesses #arsenal wfc #mcwfc

[incarnateirony]

after jared has now confirmed on that podcast that the last scene of the show will just be sam + dean, i hope everyone can stop speculating about cas being there. he is not. (that of course doesnt mean hes not in the ep at all)

For those who WANT to actually listen, you can see it here (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jared-padalecki-returns/id1256754097)

While I intend to talk on this statement left by the Nonnie there's a few other things to talk about. For those specifically interested in THIS QUOTE, it’s part “Ten” in my notes.

Before I go on, lemme say, I keep saying Misha *isn’t* in the final *shot.* I can also say *ten thousand times* that “the final shot” is NOT THE SAME THING AS THE “FINAL SCENE.” I don’t know how many times I have to beat this into people’s heads. The “Final scene” may not even BE the final shot because for all you know, the last final scene is something like around scene 50 and the last 10 shots are some Swan Song montage with a dialogue. Scenes are also composed of *multiple shots* on the regular, and *very rarely* shot in order. So actually, it depends on what you even consider a ~scene~ but a shot and a scene are not the same thing. No matter how many times people choose to misunderstand this, this will continue to be true. 

As it is, the board already going up to 47 was high. Not unheard of, but high. I absolutely do not think anybody should be surprised if that’s actually closer to the last 5 minutes of the episode and the next 10+ shots are literal full blown montage. Because once again, and I can not emphasize this enough, they are not teleporting to a bridge at the end of the fucking show. I repeat, they are not, in the last 20-40 seconds, teleporting to a bridge at the end of the fucking show. And they weren’t on that location any other day. 

But I also know this fandom takes anything that’s in shorthand and blows it up into the worst case extremization, so I’m actually going to address this and even tag @curioussubjects and @winchestersingerautorepair and point out that Jared talks about “the last time Sam and Dean see each other” -- so enjoy that. See you on the other side, brother.

Okay so first, as a general note related to everything, that particular podcast is a mess. There is literally 17 minutes of nothing related to Jared at the start. It's a mix of sadness about how he knew a relative was dying, sadness, people's sad facebook messages which I get, losing someone is sad--but then a bunch of nonsense about ads and swag and sponsors. Like to anyone preparing to actually listen, you can skip to about 17 minutes in.

One: Confirmed they started quarantining (J2 at least) on Aug 2. 14 days gave them a few days before filming. But they refused to break quarantine even to walk the dogs to not reset the quarantine period. (This is one of the first things they talk about after the barrage of ads and other things)

Two: Jared has some great insight on how and why to let a dog go. He jumped it a little sooner than I would I think, but he talks about knowing when they're in pain or suffering. He gave assistance to her bad hips and other things through late life but saw when the spark left her and she wanted to go. Someone will probably try to problematize this but as someone that witnessed someone refusing to put down their dog while she spent half of her day having seizures and shitting herself, huffing, being terrified and unable to move, that was impressive. (This starts somewhere around 22 and goes to about 31:30, it's about a ten minute segment.)

Three: after this they actually go into the show, it also lets us know that the podcast is *recorded early on in filming*. It's talking about the first few days he left for filming. This wasn't just-now recorded. This is a few weeks old, like most Inside of You podcasts are.

Four: Jared ignores social media a lot, he confirms.

Five: He goes on having to talk about saying goodbye to a 15 year friend, never having gone more than 5 months without playing Sam, the process of being in the moment. It boils down to staying distanced from social media and your phone to be in the internet, which can actually add to feeling alone. (This may not be true for everyone, but I can definitely see why it feels so for Jared--he admits it's somewhat escapism.) Rosenbaum debates what counts as connection, but Rosenbaum also doesn't deal with a bajillion shitty comments from all his fandom lanes. He uses the podcast as an example, which is entirely different than Jared talking about ignoring twitter or instagram.

(Commercial break at 39 for a counseling/therapy service, runs to about 41 then one for a toothbrush rofl goes to about 43:15, so basically a 4 minute commercial break)

Six: Jared talks about his clinical anxiety impact on the final shooting and everything and why it was so important to have his dog with him during quarantine. He started terrified about it but got 4-5 days in and realized it was great. The wife and kids even considered going with him but he said it was okay and declined. After 45 he goes on complimenting his wife and the work she does at home.

Seven: He goes back to March 12 being the last day of filming back before covid and everyone had to run home on Friday the 13th of March LOL. So Supernatural got cursed on Friday the 13th. Rolling back to everything Gen has to do with the kids and the routine, goes back to talking about her. Talks about being the New Toy from dad being home so much. But then back to August first day of shot as an outdoor shoot. How early it was. So 21pt1 was an outdoor shoot. They continue to go on and on about how hard having kids is, if rewarding, until after 50 minutes. This converts into a conversation with his psychiatrist about his kids, his mom's birthday during social distancing, and all kinds of other commentary. Difference of psychologist vs psychiatrist. Loves sugar cuz he couldn't have it as a kid, etc.

Eight: This bit carries them all the way out past the hour mark. Just before the hour is where the "pain" section from the promo comes from. It turns into mortality and fear of death. Turns into stuff like natural childbirth. So from an hour to 1:03:00 it goes on, then it turns into another ad break that goes to about 1:07:15

Nine: How emotional the ending is, reading the script every day, remembering places start after the 1:07:15 commercial end. First week they shot up the old highway for example. Jared saying goodbye to locations he knows. Very bittersweet. There are no pickup shots because of covid.

Ten: The final scheduled moment, what you're talking about, and Jared tried very very VERY difficultly. (1:08:30 or so) -- he struggles and says "The last time Sam and Dean see each other is the last time Jared and Jensen see each other, if that makes any sense." He refused to say what the last scene was. It will be the last filming camera moments together. Which unto itself uh, hi, yes, welcome to every speculation I ever had, see you on the other side brother. Because it's the last time they see each other.

Eleven: After a bit about being emotional, they talk about Jared’s arrest, the trolling about orange jumpsuits from the crew, and asking what happened. Jared doesn’t even entirely know what happened, says it’s not an excuse, but the cliff’s notes are he was filming in Van, then he flew to Austin, he had a double date with Gen and two friends, he went to his friend’s bar (we alllll know Stereotype), they split some wine, a cocktail, hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept, bachelorette parties and show fans bought him drinks, he doesn’t know what even happened, he thinks he was blacked out, got pulled down by his hair and thought he was in a fight. He hasn’t had a drink since, he was like absolutely fucking nope. He literally wonders if he was drugged in the drinks he took from other people, but either way, he’s completely stopped drinking. It goes into them settling and actually the people thinking he was drugged, which is why the legal followthrough was light.  This goes out to almost 1:20:00.

Twelve: Around then he goes on about Walker’s pickup period, how and when shooting normally works, and it’s all kinda in the air because of Walker, shortseasons because of covid etc. 

Final question blast:

Supernatural movie?: Jared hopes so

Channel chuck norris?: Make Walker his own, has nothing to do with Chuck’s walker even if he grew up watching it in texas, new character, new story, new era.

Paranormal experiences of his own?: He has seen some things, experienced some things he can’t explain, but as far as specifically, “definitively no but possibly yes.”

Talked with Chuck Norris at all?: Not talked to him directly, their “people” have talked, had to give his blessing though because Chuck Norris co-owned the rights. Part of the EP group and ownership.

If you had a chance, what superhero would you play: He’s heard Nighthawk from fans, he kinda sits there quietly thinking and has a hard time. Screentested for the Superman McG movie in 2004 but didn’t get it.

The car wasn’t in either of their contracts. Jared actually goes on that despite images Jared’s actually the car guy more than Jensen. It wasn’t in either of their contracts but they kinda just knew it was gonna happen. He goes on about his favorite cars, his car books and parts books since he was a kid, etc.

-----------

Following through on this, I HAVE to keep saying. 47/A47 is, I would bet 5 dollars on it right here and anyone that wants to bet against it can leave a comment in the notes so I know who owes who money, Sam and Dean having their final talk already post major resolutions with a few more ends to tie up, saying their pre-goodbyes, and shot 60 is Sam and Dean’s final shot of going separate ways, with Sam on one side and Dean on the other. 

[purplesurveys]

1153

survey by septictankyank

What song are you listening to right now? I turned off my Spotify like 2 minutes ago because it was interfering with my focus on another survey (which I ultimately saved in my drafts to take for another time lol) but the last song I played was Always in My Head by Coldplay.

Have you heard of the band Repeat Offender? Never heard of them.

Are you currently talking to/texting/instant messaging anyone? No, not talking to anyone at the moment.

Whats your name? Robyn.

How old are you? 22.

If you could do anything right now, what would it be? I wish I can do some arts and crafts right now, honestly. I have a 4-day break thanks to Holy Week and I have no clue how to spend it. I don’t feel like embroidering at the moment; buying art kits online right now would be useless because they’d most definitely arrive after my break; and the arts I do have rn were bought by Gab and I have no intention to pull them back out anymore.

Are there any words that you just absolutely hate? I don’t really like the word fluids, but I get why it’s sometimes necessary. Gunk can also be icky depending on the context.

Are you hiding something from someone? Yes.

Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand? It was either in my hand or I was already wearing it, yeah happens a lot.

Is there anything about you that not many people know? Probably. I don’t know how much people know about me.

Who was the last person you commented on MySpace? I’ll use Facebook for this instead; it was Clarisa, an old friend of mine from high school. I shared a post from her small business’ social media page and she commented basically saying thank you.

Is the last person you texted your friend? No, I only use text for work purposes now. And actually, the last person I texted is this super popular local influencer, as in millions of followers and goes viral every week levels of big. I was honestly surprised they returned my text, and even though they had to decline the thing I was pitching for them, I felt starstruck for like 5 seconds haha.

Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them? This has happened many times. And for a variety of reasons, too; it can be because I don’t like them, can be because I know of them but not close enough with them to say hi, or just because I don’t feel like talking that day, etc.

Have you been to the mall in the last 2 weeks? Nah, it’s been around 3 weeks to about a month, I think. Shortly after that Covid cases began to surge again and now we’re stuck in the same community quarantine imposed this time last year while the country gets 10,000 cases a day.

What was the last movie you saw? I can’t remember the last movie I watched all the way through to the end; but I looked up and watched the final scene from Portrait of a Lady on Fire last night because I wanted to feel things.

What was the last song you listened to? See first question.

What do you like best about yourself? Continued from this afternoon. I really like how I’ve always managed to pull and claw myself out successfully from any terrible situation. There’s been a lot that I’ve been through and I love myself a whole lot more for being able to survive everything.

How long until your next birthday? 20 days.

Are you mad at anyone right now? There’s resentment perpetually brewing towards one person in particular, but I keep it tucked away at the back of my head.

What was the last book you read? Not sure, probably a memoir of some sort.

Do you like summer? I hate it.

Are you single or taken? Single.

Have you ever kissed someone with braces? Yes, for a time. It was very tricky lol, but fortunately there were never any accidents.

If you could change your eye color, would you? No, I think my current one suits me already.

Do you buy songs on iTunes? I never did. If I wanted to update my iTunes, I’d go to YouTube and look for the song I wish to add, convert it to MP3 on some third-party site, then upload it to my iTunes once it’s finished downloading. And then I’ll get the album cover and other details from Wikipedia to make it look really legit lol.

Are you overly sensitive sometimes? Yeah I am pretty sensitive.

Do you smile at people you don't know? Only whenever I’m with one of my dogs because they’d usually want to pet them, especially Cooper. Otherwise there’s really no reason to smile and say hi to everyone I come across; that’s not a common practice here and people usually like to keep to themselves.

Do you feel guilty right now? No reason to be.

Have you ever had a crush that you tried to stop having? Sure.

Have you heard of the band Nina May? I don’t think so. It doesn’t ring a bell.

Do you think long distance relationships are worth it? It can be, given the right amount of effort and commitment put into it.

Do you tend to judge people? Only if they make a Karen-esque scene in public. I understand people have bad days sometimes and that’s fine, but I won’t hesitate to judge someone who consistently berates service staff, makes side comments at a restaurant, etc.

Valentines Day: Love it or hate it? I don’t mind it. I would celebrate it too; I’d just keep the festivities lowkey, like having dinner at home or having an unconventional date. Going with the rest of the wave is exhausting – most restaurants are fully booked and it usually ruins the vibe.

Are you American? No, thank you for asking first.

Have you ever been made fun of for being weird? Probably while I wasn’t looking.

Who do you want to see in concert? Beyoncé is at the top of my list. Then Paramore, over and over again. It would be neat to watch a Hozier gig too.

How many songs are on your iPod?

Do you play any sports? Table tennis.

Are your parents together or divorced? They’ve been together for 28 years.

Do you prefer black and white or color photographs? Color.

Do you eat breakfast? Only during weekends. I’m usually too busy during weekday mornings to be able to fix myself a plate.

Do you still trick or treat? Not anymore, but I’d be game if any of my friend groups wanted to.

Do you use metric or imperial? I use metric in most contexts but because of wrestling, I got used to using pounds for weight.

Have you ever skipped class? Definitely many times during college. I was cautious in high school though.

Did you like this survey? It was okay.

#survey #surveys

[chicagosfinest2021]

nosy anons let's go

(I know people are supposed to anonymously send these to people but most people usually don't bother so I'm just going to answer them myself because I can :-P )

0: Height-5'3"

1: Age-Old enough to know what a pager is but young enough to never have actually used one before X-D

2: Shoe size-9

3: Do you smoke? No

4: Do you drink? Occasionally/socially

5: Do you take drugs? Just benadryl for my allergies

6: Age you get mistaken for? Early to mid 20's

7: Have tattoos? No

8: Want any tattoos? No, I like my chocolately skin the way it is :-)

9: Got any piercings? Just my ears

10: Want any piercings? I might get one or two more

11: Best friend? My sister

12: Relationship status? Happily unattached

13: Biggest turn ons? Men who have money and spend it on me

14: Biggest turn offs? Broke men who are looking for free sex and free therapy

15: Favorite movie? An Indian movie I just watched on Netflix a few months ago called "Queen". I saw so much of myself in the main character, it was amazing.

16: I’ll love you if… For men, you consistently make the effort to make me happy and make sure I'm taken care of(which includes respecting my time and my presence in your life). For women...we just have to bond and genuinely enjoy each others company, that's really it. Women earn my love much more easily.

17: Someone you miss? My grandmother, I'd probably give up a lot of good things I have going for myself right now in exchange for having my grandmother back.

18: Most traumatic experience? (*Trigger warning*) My sexual assaults, especially the second one because it was someone I'd known since I was a kid.

19: A fact about your personality? I've been introverted since childhood. I like either small intimate settings or being alone, rarely do I enjoy being in big groups.

20: What I hate most about myself? That it took me so long to come out of my social anxiety and had low self value for so long. I think that if I had conquered all of that sooner, I'd be a lot further ahead in life.

21: What I love most about myself? I'm more secure in who I am now than ever before. There's certain things that I used to tolerate that are unthinkable to me in the present, and I don't have "haters" because anyone that might be throwing negative energy my way doesn't register.

22: What I want to be when I get older? A luxurious Black woman with my own condo and living in an upscale neighborhood. I want to be saving money, making wise investments, and spoiling myself and my niece <3 I also want to have a tight group of girl friends I spend time with regularly.

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)? I have one full sister who is like my twin and we're very close, and a younger half-sister who's 8 years my junior whom I love but don't relate to too much. We have different mothers and (through no fault of hers) we grew up in very different environments: me and my oldest sister are a lot more "bougie" as a result of our suburban upbringing, but our little sister grew up in the 'hood and applies "hood logic" to a lot of things. The type of men we're attracted to, the type of music we like, the company we keep. . .it's like trying to talk to someone who speaks a foreign language.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)? I'm a daddy's girl. Even though my dad and I don't see eye to eye on everything he's the reason why I have such high expectations from men. My mom and I only recently started getting close, she and I tend to bump heads more often than me and my dad.

25: My idea of a perfect date? I show up to a 4 star Italian restaurant and my date meets me with roses and a small gift. We sit down and he's a gentleman, we eat, chat, makes jokes, and have a few drinks. After he pays the bill but before we get up to leave he passes me an envelope under the table. I take a look and see that it has $700 in cash inside of it. I accept it and thank him. Before we part ways he requests to see me again soon and I tell him I'll have to check my schedule. My Uber ride pulls up and my date opens my door for me before taking my hand and kissing it.

26: My biggest pet peeves? Men who want maximum benefits for minimal effort and the women willing to give it to them. Also trap music, just. . .in general. Oh and Black people who still insist we're "taking the sting out of the N-word" by using it casually amongst ourselves, it's just such a problematic and counterproductive mindset and I can't even pretend to entertain it.

27: A description of the girl/boy I like? I don't currently have anyone that I like but ideally they'd be well groomed, witty, intelligent, stable mentally, emotionally and financially. Someone who likes jokes but isn't vulgar, and notices the little things about me (how I make eye contact, my natural scent, the way I carry myself when I walk, sit, stand, etc). Being physically attractive is always a plus, but things that I find physically attractive in a person is very broad.

28: A description of the person I dislike the most? Rude, unkempt, body odor, someone who doesn't respect personal boundaries, ungrateful, uninteresting, someone who talks incessantly about things they don't actually know or can't comprehend.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend? I can't remember the last time I lied to a friend about anything.

30: What I hate the most about work/school? My current position is uninteresting, tedious and not in a field I was working in previously. Also I'm doing work that realistically should be performed by 4 or 5 people but of course they expect one person to take care of everything. It's really just a temporary gig to make money to save up for a new place, so I'm trying to suck it up because I know I won't be here long.

31: What my last text message says: My cousin said she got her 2nd covid vaccination today so I responded with "Hip Hop Hooray!" LOL

32: What words upset me the most? "I'm just looking to have fun. . ."

33: What words make me feel the best about myself? When another pretty Black girl gives me a compliment, I immediately feel invincible.

34: What I find attractive in women? High self esteem and a sense of security, not seeing other women as competition, women who are cultured and have multiple interests, and who enjoy learning new things as well as sharing her wisdom with others. I also enjoy creating bonds with women who are child-free by choice like myself.

35: What I find attractive in men? Their ability to spoil me and give me pleasure.

36: Where I would like to live? North side of Chicago maybe around Lincoln Park. Outside of the US I'd like to live in England or Ireland in the future.

37: One of my insecurities: I am a short woman with large breasts (double D's). I've been buxom since a very young age and being well endowed has made me the center of negative attention on more than a few occasions. I'm constantly battling between wanting to highlight my curves without "advertising" too much either.

38: My childhood career choice: I believe I wanted to be a writer. I'd love to be a travel blogger actually.

39: My favorite ice cream flavor: It used to be cookie dough but now it's mint chocolate chip

40: Who I wish I could be: Sade

41: Where I want to be right now: Sitting on the balcony of my luxury condo, sipping wine and watching the lights of the city while smooth jazz is playing on my record player.

42: The last thing I ate: A slice of my dad's birthday cake (red velvet)

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately: I have this picture of this male model saved on my phone who looks like a "stereotypical" sugar daddy to me: tall, caucasian male, white/silver hair, piercing blue eyes, mid to late 50's, full beard and mustache, about 6 feet tall, muscular build.

44: A random fact about anything: Countries with more irreligious people/atheists/non-believers tend to also be the most peaceful and prosperous.

#chicagosfinest #black girl luxury #black sugar baby #black women in luxury #q and a time

[mollydollyjournals]

So. It is March 23rd 2021. My birthday is soon. I weigh more than 157lbs.

I haven't been as active on here because I hate looking at thinspo when I can't do anything to get there. Since I had my jab a couple of weeks ago I've been really exhausted. Because of that I've felt worse mentally and have been drinking more, which has made me more exhausted, and I've eaten more shit foods, so of course I've gained weight. I should be thankful it's not more. It feels like more. Though that weight will also be partly due to toilet issues again. I can't go a day without lax apparently.

I feel a lot right now but also not much at all and I think I can't only describe it as heartbreak. This feels like I might have said it before. I made this account in late October last year - around that time/November, I went from around 163 to 156lbs. I wanted to get to my gw by my birthday, or at least significantly lower. So that I wouldn't feel so terrible.

Last year I was sad I couldn't do anything for my birthday due to the pandemic, as a lot of us were. This year will be my second lockdown birthday. It's also my 30th. I'm someone who already feels like they lost so much of their life to various issues. I feel so behind. If you told me I was actually turning 20 next week I'd still feel like it was too soon. So 30? I'm not ready. I wasn't finished. I at least had a year and a bit left of my 20s and now it's just gone. I guess it's typical millennial talk to say I just feel like too much of a child to be getting to an age where I'm no longer considered a young person by any metric.

I don't really look old. I get IDed all the time. People tend to mistake me for a teenager (though I'm guessing an actual teenager would probably know I'm at least older than them). I guess at least I'm not aging on the outside faster than I can keep up. But that tends to be the issue most people have with getting older, like as long as they look young and don't have too much joint pain then it's okay. That's not it for me. My physical health has been bad for so long and is connected so much to my mental health that I don't really know how much of that is due to age, but as far as appearance goes it's not that I don't recognise my reflection or anything. I occasionally get one wrinkle under my eye but that's just if a smile and thinking about it it's probably the one that's been there all my life because that's how eyes work.

But I know that's all coming. And regardless, I just feel really discouraged. You're supposed to learn how to do things as you grow up. I feel like I haven't grown up. I was just forced into it too young and I played pretend with it but I'm totally lost. I can't handle responsibility. I sometimes handle it in the moment but then I always break down afterwards. The only thing that can help is constant praise as if it's some amazing feat. But you don't get that when you're 30, you get it when you're 12 and "so mature" but then it just stops somewhere.

I feel like if I haven't got anywhere by now, why should I have any hope I'll get anywhere in future? Often people talk about turning 30 as being a time when they've learned more about themselves or got more comfortable, even without going into tangible "achievements" with work and family and money and whatever. But I haven't. I got married, and I even fucked that up.

All of these things have been on my mind about my birthday. I wanted to at least lose some weight. At least some. Just get back to where I was a few years ago. With a few months of working on it, I could at least do that. I had plenty of time until my birthday. But now it's here. My weight plateaued, I got frustrated and drank too much that one day in November and made myself seriously ill for a long time, I just about recovered and had a fucking fecal impaction that made me really ill I'm still feeling the effects of, I got a little more energy then had loads of side effects from the covid jab, and even at the times when this stuff wasn't getting in the way I was either doing badly and eating too much/not exercising, or I was doing stuff but my weight wasn't changing.

And now it's fucking here already. Logically I know it's just another day, 30 isn't exactly any different to 29, freaking out doesn't help, my metabolism isn't the same as when I was 14, etc etc blah whatever. But I have always had this horrible feeling of time just going past me. I've had it since I was a teenager and all my friends from school we're continuing with their education and I was just aimlessly floating and trying to survive. Like I was being left behind, and yet somehow still getting older. I also need a lot more sleep than most people and have always had the experience of waking up late or going to bed early, one way or another missing out. All the time I've lost because I can't survive on 8hrs sleep. Most people lose a third of their lives to sleep; I lose half. I miss out on so much, but time doesn't exactly slow down for me to catch up.

That feeling is at its worst now, hitting another milestone birthday, one that means I can no longer even call myself a young adult, and one that comes after a year of sitting around doing fuck all. This past year has pushed all those buttons. I know that it's for a reason and it saves lives etc. If I didn't think that I wouldn't be doing it, I'd just go do whatever I want instead of isolating. But it's still really hard for me. The only things I could do with this time are self improvement. My weight is my biggest insecurity. It's been nearly 5 months since I lost any weight. And not because it stopped bothering me. I'd take either weight loss or not caring - one way or another I just want to feel okay in my body.

Instead I'll just feel old and expired with my weight being another aspect of that. I'm really heartbroken. I guess it really is grief - the thing I've lost that I can't get back is time. I know everyone goes through it at least a little, but I'm really feeling it a lot.

I'm also terrified that lockdown is easing and I'll be able to go see bf. We've both been vaccinated too. I do want to see him. It's been another major difficult thing about this past year. But I'm terrified because I hate my body so much and I don't want anyone to see me. I need at least another month. My hair looks stupid and I need it to grow out at least a little. I need more time on my new skincare routine, which is the only thing that's actually any good right now. And I definitely need to lose at least SOME weight because right now if anyone touched me or looked at my bare stomach I think I'd just cry there and then. I can't drink through my insecurity anymore.

I am not having a nice time right now. I'm really not. I haven't even touched on the other stresses happening both to me and those around me and in my city or country or even globally. Everything is so much. I feel like I'm just in the wrong timeline. Everything is bad. I can't deal

[sanguinariae]

I was tagged by @muddyviolets - thank you so much!

1. NAME: Brianna

2: NICKNAME: Bree, mostly. I think I prefer it sometimes! But I’m too shy to start going by it.

3. ZODIAC SIGN: Capricorn (someone who’s more well-versed in astrology explain to me how that’s possible. Hard-working? Determined? Where?)

4. HEIGHT: 5′ 3″

5. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English.

6. NATIONALITY: American.

7. FAVOURITE SEASON: Spring or fall - mostly spring.

8. FAVOURITE FLOWERS: There’s so much context this depends on. Flowers I find growing on a walk? Flowers I’ve been given in a bouquet? Flowers I’m turning into a perfume or pressing into cookies? Now that I write this all out, I realize the obvious answer is violets. My instagram name is a species of violet - they tick all my boxes. But it’s worth adding the other flowers that capture my heart: bloodroot (wondering where my blog name comes from?), goldenrod (one of my tattooos), carnations (birth flower - my parents sent me a bouquet on my 16th birthday, and I kept those dried flowers for weeks and it solidifies by love of plants), grape hyacinth, roses, skunk cabbage (this counts, this fucking counts - and there’s really two species I’m thinking of called skunk cabbage, but both of them have crazy inflorescences). 

9. FAVOURITE SCENTS: Old paper, vanilla, dry leaves. The air after a storm. And this mystery cologne that I’ll forget about until I catch a whiff of it on somebody on the street - I’d do blood magic to find out what it is. I can’t even describe it, but I wanna smell like it all the time.

10. FAVOURITE COLOURS: Burgundy, green, black.

11. FAVOURITE ANIMALS: I don’t even know if I can pick! I love them all. I’m sure I’ve got a vertebrate bias - particularly mammals and reptiles. If I had to pick one I guess I’d say the tuatara - the first time I saw one I started sobbing. Mason bees are a close second.

12. FAVOURITE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: I’m gonna go with the characters I’ve been a fan of for years: Poison Ivy, Black Widow, Morgan le Fay, Ophelia. I guess I’m a fan of eccentric detective-type characters, too: Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks, Will Graham from Hannibal, Sherlock Holmes (favorite versions: Basil Rathbone, Matt Frewer and Johnny Lee Miller. I wanna fight about it)

13. COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Coffee. I used to be a big tea drinker, but now I’ll find myself brewing a pot of coffee in the evening just ‘cause nothing quenches my thirst like that bitter bitter bean juice.

14. AVERAGE SLEEP HOURS: Phew, we talking before COVID-19 or now? I usually fell asleep by midnight and slept until 10:00 on days I didn’t have a class to teach or something. Now it’s all over the place - I’ve been oscillating between waking up at 8AM and waking up at 1PM, which then influences whether I fall asleep at 11PM or 3AM. It always seems to settle in about ten hours a night (which I tried to fight tooth and nail until my therapist suggested that maybe that’s just my norm. Now I’ve just gotta settle which ten hours)

15. DOG PERSON OR CAT PERSON: I’d say dog person, just because I’ve been around dogs most of my life - both my parents were allergic to cats. My dog and I are so similar it’s distressing.

16. NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH: One, technically? A flat sheet, a thin blanket and a comforter if it’s cold out. I’d love to drown in fabric every night but I sweat in my sleep.

17. DREAM TRIPS: Fuck, I don’t even know. I have some places I know I want to go, but if the sky’s the limit I don’t know if they’re the dream. I’d love to do a tour of all the national parks in the US. But the only country I’ve been aside from the US is New Zealand, and there are plenty of other places I want to go.

18. BLOG ESTABLISHED: This one specifically? Probably in 2017. I had a blog on here around nine years ago, but I deleted it in a depressive fit. Unwilling to share any of my former blog names here because I have shame 👀

19. FOLLOWERS: 65

20. RANDOM FACTS: A cat gave birth in the passenger seat of my car once; none of her kittens made it and I didn’t get to keep her. I had a twin but we were two months premature and he died a week after we were born. (I just realized these are pretty dark). I have a scar on my abdomen and a birth mark on my ankle, three tattoos and thirteen piercings. I’m working on a Ph.D. in ecology - time will tell if I actually earn it.

I’ll tag @purzelbaumm, @mooonborne, @odetowanderers, anyone who’d like to fill this out.

[helloharani]

the “big” age

Recently, my morning routines have been quite calm. Only recently, because I just finished my second last semester of university. ... 

...  CRISIS TIME!!!  But even with classes during the last few months, my days have been generally filled with things to do. Over the year, I have built sort of a schedule. I think with everyone being at home because of Covid, we’ve been pacing ourselves a bit, “pacing” mean that there are things that happen throughout the week that make me realise how the days are passing.  Back to the morning. I’ve concluded that I like having a good breakfast. I think it might be my favourite meal of the day, or at least the most impactful. Even if I wake up at 11 a.m., I find myself eating “breakfast��� and then a late lunch. Breakfast is accompanied by coffee, which I have found important to my system. I learned to make my own milk coffee (I guess you could call it a latte under certain circumstances) over the holidays thanks to my mom and Uncle Wasy. He gave us some filter paper and good coffee powder.  Haru takes her morning rounds - she walks in and out of the house, back to the food bowl and away. It gets funny sometimes, everyone wonders why she does it but we’ve just decided that she’s just a wanderer. She’s grown a lot fatter. Snowy would still be sleeping, either on the couch or in my room. Someone (usually my mom) would open the door to my room for him every morning. We have to give him medicine for the next few days. He looked a little sick, and after a trip to the vet we found out that he has a lack of teeth (sigh), and that he was probably sick from flu season. I got worried because he was losing weight. I don’t like thinking about my cats growing old. Or anyone I love, honestly.  The days vary. I’ve been trying to exercise every one or two days, right now I’m trying to stick to this everyday Yoga routine by following a Youtuber named Adrienne. Without class I’ve dedicated all my time to reading, and throughout the past two weeks I’ve revisited an old book series that I hope to write about here soon. I’m mostly in the comfort of my coping mechanisms. When I have the energy I like to see my friends. The nights usually end with snow sessions with Firdaus through FaceTime.  Uncle Wasy and Aunty Zura come over every Saturday for dinner. It feels different that they’ve been around so often, but a good kind of different. I’d like to think that it has always been this way. It feels like it would have been if they weren’t travelling so much every year. Unfortunately for them, Covid has bound them here for now.  Aniqah, Kasih, Myra and I have picked up Girl Guides again properly by trying to achieve the Duke of Edinburgh award. I now see them every Friday for Capoeira class with Norma. Mia is there too. For once we’re all exercising together.  I’ve also picked up bass and Ian teaches me through Zoom every Thursday. I thought I’d give it a try because I’ve been feeling disconnected from the keys. Hopefully this transition creates a new bond for music and me. Senja has been on a break for a while. We’re having our first show in months this Saturday. It’s not actually a show, it’s more of a pre-recording that will be up on YouTube. Our EP recording has been halted until things get better.  I start my internship at MalaysiaKini tomorrow. I also turn 21 in a few hours.  I think what I’m most scared about is throwing my life away. I don’t mean this by me giving up and becoming a slump forever. I mean as in forgetting. I’m not sure if I’ve told anyone this but I have a feeling that if I live long, I’ll suffer from amnesia and that will bring my demise.  I wanted to write this to solidify what I know and what life feels like right now. Turning 21 feels different than turning 20, even though that was the year I left the teens. Who knew that I would end up wanting to be alone on my 21st birthday? I would like to laugh.  I told my friends I didn’t want to celebrate in at all this year. I’ve had the privilege of being surprised and being thrown gatherings by them for the last few years, ever since high school and I couldn’t be more grateful. But I’ve cemented that I want a break this year to just absorb everything.  Partly because on my birthdays, I usually end up feeling terrible. I’ve always felt that at the end of the day, when I see people, I feel the need to please them rather than do what I want to do. And I think this year I’ve become strong enough to actually WANT to do what I want, instead of backing down.  I blame Covid. This year I’ve ventured into myself unlike any other year, and I know for a fact who really cares and who doesn’t. I don’t want my birthday to be just another reason for anyone to do anything for me. Do I sound selfish and whiny? I’m sorry.  Anyway, I don’t know where this ramble is going to. Wake up! You’re 21 soon!  I can’t see what is going to happen tomorrow, or the day after, or the next few days. For good or for bad, I just hope that my 21st year of being alive will be a year full of happy memories, both big and small. 

From 20-year old me to future me. You are sad and you prefer spending time alone at home (a drastic change from pre-Covid Inarah). You don’t know why. You’ve been let down a lot, both by people and yourself. You’ve found a new sense of gratitude for your privileges, your friends and especially your family; although you have problems showing so. Everything feels mundane, sometimes you don’t even feel like eating. But sometimes you feel good, and you can laugh and cry without feeling bad.  I wonder if everyone will still be living together in a few years. Will I move out? Will we move out? I kind of hope not. What will the politics be like then? Will we go back to living physically instead of virtually? What new items will I own, and what old ones will I let go of?  I hope in the future you find a balance that works for you, and I hope you get to go to sleep feeling good instead of the opposite. I hope you embrace growing up instead of feeling bitter about it, and I hope you enjoy what you do. I hope you cultivate good and healthy relationships, and maybe a better lifestyle. Also, keep your room clean - 

- and stay true to yourself.  Sending hope and love. 

Lepaklu  30th November 2020 

#when #will #i #learn #how #to #handle #my #feelings #properly

[yaminerua]

Y’all I am seriously not having a good time rn

And like yeah literally no-one is because this year is a fucking disaster but god..... I feel like I’m getting backed onto the edge of a cliff by stress...

I’m sorry I’ve been slow with commissions and barely got any new art done but man I just don’t have the emotional or physical energy to...

This year has been one year after another of stressful or upsetting things even just in my personal life alone and that’s not even INCLUDING the state of the world and everything else going on...

Like god my papa died this year and I knew he was going to eventually because cancer is a fucking Bitch but it happened faster than anyone thought only a few days before the UK’s lockdown was finally put in place. So I couldn’t go to the funeral. But my aunt had said even before we knew we wouldn’t be allowed that if my brother and I showed up there’d be a war. Because of all the Stupid Family Nonsense that has just been swirling and bubbling and frothing over the years. My gran is torn between wanting me to visit cos I’d be good company and hating my guts because of all the Shit that’s happened.

I dunno how to abridge it... it’s mostly them rewriting history or just straight up misinterpreting the ways or reasons things happened and pinning it all on my dad, his family, and my and my brother instead of the actual people who fucked everything up, those being the crooked lawyers who fucked us over 20 years ago, my mum after her meltdown changed her into a horrible person and her family who tried to gaslight, kidnap, blackmail and manipulate us all the fuckin way.

We were terrified of them because they tried to kidnap us and keep us from dad, tried to lie to us and change the way events unfolded by telling us completely false versions of events despite the fact we were present for most of them and they absolutely did not play out the way they wanted us to believe. Tried to brainwash us against my dad and his family and then turned around and tried to say that him and his family were trying to brainwash us against THEM.

So much distress and upset happened whenever we visited and other things happened that were just plain terrifying fear-for-our-lives shit that we just. Didn’t feel safe going over anymore. But they refuse to accept that. And think we just cut them off and abandoned them (which is rich since actually the cutting off happened from their end first but, again, they loooove to rewrite history).

So all of that mess is being continuously dug up to guilt trip us and make us feel bad because our cousins hate us, my aunt Despises us, and my gran wobbles in between of wanting to see us and also despising us too.

I made an effort to rebuild the bridges that had been burnt because I wanted my papa to know I didn’t hate him and that I wanted him to see me again and know that an effort was being made to patch things up because I knew that was what he wanted. And he never deserved to have been cut off from us. It was the women in the family who were being the assholes and he was just for the most part caught up in it.

He was so happy to see me and happy to think the family was beginning to come together again. Unfortunately his daughter and her sons do not respect his wishes. And my mum flip flops because she’s still affected by what happened to her more than 15 years ago. Her head got so messed up by all the legal stress and the brainwashing from her mum and sister that she just. Doesn’t remember what was real or what was false anymore. But also won’t ever listen to our side because it’s Wrong By Default.

So we ‘abandoned’ her in her eyes and she will Always try to Remind us. of that and all the other bullshit she wants us to believe.

My phone anxiety is directly related to her and Now I have to talk to her everyday because my papa’s death unfortunately opened up the communications that I’d forced closed for years to protect my own mental health.

But this year has just been ‘fuck your mental health’ so. naturally that wish gets kicked out the window and the phone can’t be refused anymore.

Sometimes the calls are ok. She talks about herself for 2 hours and then that’s it. other times it becomes a rant, an attempt to convince, an attempt to deliberately make me feel awful and Oh Boy is she Good At That. And I can’t hang up on her because that pisses her off More and then she’ll write a horrible email to my brother where she tries to pull the same shit on him and I refuse to have him have to deal with that because for SOME FUCKIN REASON she only pulls this shit on the phone with me and NEVER DOES THIS TO HIM.

God. Why.

Anyway that’s just one thing that’s persistent and continuous. And I make myself sadder about it watching old home videos we found from 20 years ago. One of them I’d never seen was the literal day I was born and it.... it shook me so much I broke down watching it. It’s like watching good days, innocent days when all seemed well, knowing the future and how wretched and awful and deeply traumatising the years ahead are for that little kid who has no idea what’s awaiting them.

Cue lockdown and my dad and brother and I are looking after my granny. She had a stroke 2 years ago, hit her head on a cabinet and had constant UTIs for months and then had another stroke last year and as a result her mind is foggier than it used to be and her mobility isn’t what it was so she requires a lot of constant watch and care.

None of this is her fault, but I’m just not built for the long-run in a carer position. The first year put me into a meltdown, and I had another worse one last year and I was dreading if there would be one this year because I’d felt so on-edge and burnt out.

And then lockdown happened and the chances to get away for a bit of respite to recharge my batteries went out the window. Dad had no help to balance his work calls which sometimes went on all day, and granny. Other than me, but for reasons I have yet to finally have an answer for, my body has just been having problem after problem that leaves me drained and/or in pain and less able to do the physical help I was doing before. Doing the cooking and washing up to take it off dad, and getting up to keep an eye on granny or help her with personal care like I used to.

I’ve had this goddamn pain that doctors haven’t been able to find a diagnosis for since April now and it’s just become more and more limiting and I’m on a waiting list to get referred and god only knows when that will actually end up happening.

Doctors suggested it might have been stress that brought it on and the response to that is usually to reduce stressors but like. My life is the stressor so idk how to fix that. I can’t get away because guilt and stress over dad having to handle it all would follow me anywhere I went anyway even if i COULD go somewhere else for a break.

My uncles aren’t very helpful either. One makes excuses not to come and help and the other WILL go on a throwing out spree if he was to come in and I cannot trust him to not throw out important sentimental stuff without a second thought as to whether it was wanted because he’s done that before.

Plus that one has had his own health scares and even had a bit of a mental health crisis in the middle of the year which was probably brought on by the isolation and distancing stuff lockdown brought about.

One major contributor to the daily stress was the nagging worry that there was gonna be a Major Event this year that hadn’t happened yet. There’ve been major events that put granny is hospital without fail every year for the past... 4 but maybe even 5 years. It felt inevitable. But also terrifying because hospital felt like the worst place for her to go this year with all the virus stuff happening...

We had carers coming in to help with her but they weren’t really that... great. Wore their masks under their noses, didn’t self isolate when they got sick before they could get tests and lo and behold, despite the fact I hadn’t been out anywhere and the only contact I had beyond my own family were the carers, I got a cold which thankfully really was Just a Cold.

Not wanting to risk granny even getting a cold I stuck to my room and only came out to use the toilet or grab food/drink and all times I left my room I wore a mask and used sanitiser before I even left the room so I wouldn’t put anything on any surfaces. I was careful.

But either I wasn’t careful enough, or whoever gave ME the cold passed it to dad as well. Because then he got sick. And he didn’t have the option to distance himself from granny. Because I was still sick too and my brother Doesn’t do the personal care. So he wore a mask and tried to look after her while coughing and sneezing his guts out.

We thought we were gonna be ok. But then it happened. She got the cold anyway. We think it was a different carer who gave her it because this one was Really Hacking Up A Lung with her. Mask on still but, idk, the hands on care means you’re up real close and even a mask doesn’t stop everything. Plus this woman would pull her mask down to speak sometimes it was....?????

So granny got a cough and cold and we prayed it wasn’t covid and thankfully it doesn’t seem to have been. She’d had a cold in february so we thought ok if we just keep looking after her and help her fight it off we’ll be ok.

September 11th, one day before her birthday, at half 7 in the morning dad woke me up yelling for me to grab the phone so he could call an ambulance.

She was slumped against him in the top floor landing, face drooping, unresponsive and making deep loud groans that sounded honestly like a cow’s moo. It was an awful sound.

It then progressed to a weird rattly, wet breath. Like you’re trying to suck the last water out through a straw in a cup with just ice in it. Like a rattly snore but from the throat and not the nose.

Ambulance came and they said her blood pressure was high and still rising. She was absolutely unresponsive and cold and clammy to touch. The only response they could get was pinching her ear and she let out a loud pained groan.

They took her away and it was later just assumed to be a chest infection so she was put on antibiotics.

I think just. The accumulated stress of everything else just. Hit me like a train. It’s horrible to be relieved to get a break because someone’s gone into hospital because it felt like there was no other way you were going to get a break. But I felt so burnt out it happened anyway and I feel awful for it. my body was in so much pain and my head and everything was just exhausted from stress and exhaustion in general.

She wasn’t in very long though and I think before we knew it was a chest infection related collapse we’d all assumed it was a third stroke and thought she was going to be in for as long as she had the last few times to rehabilitate.

I honestly hate what ended up happening next.

The stress of it all just blew up and I had several days of frequent uncontrollable panic attack-type meltdowns.

I just. I lost complete control of myself. Slamming my head against the wall and floor and counters, scratching my arms, pulling my hair out and just.... screaming so loudly my throat was so so raw. This happened every day. I got into a negatively spiralling process of overthinking and overworrying and just melted down into a fit of stress

The third day of this, dad called the ambulance on me,which made me feel so so so much worse for wasting their time on something I wish I’d had enough mental control of myself to just. stop from happening....

they sat with me for nearly 2 hours and once I was able to even speak relatively coherently at all I just cried about everything from childhood trauma to everything else that’s all combined to fuck me up.

The lady called the mental health folks because she felt I definitely needed to see someone for some support and put me on with one of the women on the phone but that woman was so incredibly unhelpful and passive aggressive even the ambulance lady was shocked and apologised for that person’s behaviour but god it has just absolutely wrecked my faith in being able to get any help for all of this mess.....

I honestly feel.... terrified of myself.... Because I’ve had meltdowns before but I’ve never had one so bad I lost control of myself. Like I could have legitimately harmed myself in that mess. I even wanted to. It was the closest I’ve come in a long time of actually being like wow I could Actually Follow Through with Killing Myself and it terrified me because fuck at least that time years ago when I was planning on doing it I was more in control of the action and was able to stop....

Now I’m not even sure if I got in that state again I would be able to stop myself. And that’s terrifying....

To make things worse, that third day when the ambulance people were talking me down out of my whole mess, granny had been brought home and they ended up taking her back to the hospital because it was deemed not safe to let her in while I was upstairs screaming on the floor.

So :)))))) the police called. Because not allowing granny into her legal home was an issue and I was the cause :)))))))  Even tho I didn’t actually ban her with my words, I just wasn’t in a good mental state at the time and I tried so hard to calm down once i knew she was out there waiting but I was so stressed about what was going to happen I couldn’t get it together fast enough and then had to worry if I was going to be in huge trouble over it. So THAT’s wonderful.

Anyway. She came home the next day with a very very sore side and we weren’t sure if her ribs were sore from coughing or if she’d bashed herself in an unreported fall in hospital or what.

But the next day I was helping her take off the bra her carer that morning had put on her despite knowing her side pain and then she was sick and I was freaking out because granny and sick never go well so I was super worried...

Thankfully it wasn’t long lasting but the pain she had continued to be excruciating and a doctor came later on and said her liver area was very tender so she ought to go get it checked.

So we took her to hospital by car because we were told the ambulance wait would be longer.

But because the virus is increasing in the country again the restrictions are up. So while I had to come to help get granny in and out of the car, I wasn’t allowed to go with her and dad inside. And dad had the damn car keys and it was dark, late, cold as fuck and windy.

I was outside shivering my ass off with nowhere to wait for nearly 2 hours. They wouldn’t even let me in at first when I was about to piss myself.

After that first 2 hours dad briefly came out to tell me it was looking like it was gonna be a while longer so I just asked him for money for a taxi because at this point it was already after midnight.

I got like no sleep that night cos I was worrying about dad’s chronic sleep deprivation. He didn’t get home until 6am.

Anyways she’s been in and had scans but they can’t find anything and have just given her painkillers and mysteriously they say the side pain is gone. Whether thats just from painkillers or if it’s actually gone without discovering what caused it idk. But not knowing stresses me out like I’d have rather there was something to treat instead of it mysteriously being very painful and making her sick and then disappearing. Like what if it comes back?

hhhh anyway she’s supposed to come home tomorrow and again I still don’t feel like I’ve shaken off the burn out and my pain is still there too  so physically I’m still a mess and I feel so bad about my lack of productivity especially on commissions I still need to do...

I don’t even think I can take much more stuff happening this year like. I’m legit not sure I’m gonna make it to the end of the year rn folks...

#mental health and stress and all that shit #suicide mention... vomit mention... #honestly more of a vent than anything else im just straight up having a bad time #dont look i just need to... hhhhhh vent #nerua rants #personal crap...

[elizabethcariasa]

Failed Frozen Embryo Transfer #3 – Failed IVF

As I type, the words are blurry from the tears. My heart is broken. And it’s in moments like these that hope seems impossible. The waves of grief, loss, and utter despair hit like a Mac truck. I am not ok. I feel like I am living the worst kind of ground hogs day since we just recently shared our last failed embryo transfer. On August 20th, I had my second frozen embryo transfer and 11 days later we found out that it failed. 

I never fully understood the pain of those trying for their second child. I always thought how the pain must have been 10x harder for those without having any children. But the chill reality for myself is having a sweet taste of motherhood and knowing that in every fiber of my body that is the role I was meant to have. And the utter heartbreak of knowing that joy and love and not being able to give it to more than one child. It’s something I have thought about a lot and something I now deeply understand. As I sit in this numb fog, the irony is that my butt is literally still numb from the progesterone injections and I still have permanent marker circles drawn on my butt cheeks from where I would have continued my shots if I had gotten pregnant. It all stings. Literally and figuratively.

Why I am deciding to share this so soon after our failed transfer is that I can’t just pretend things are normal because they aren’t. So much is going on in the world that I care so passionately about, but I have been secretly struggling through our fertility as the world simultaneously is hurting and the pressures of having a platform and showing up for others can feel daunting when your own life is consumed with its own fight. I just want to say, to always be kind to others because you NEVER know the struggles they are fighting in their lives. Especially in this Covid world where many people have lost their jobs, lost loved ones, and so many other pieces of life can be turned upside down. That being said, I try to carry on and move forward because it is what needs to happen in life. But now you know what has and is going on in the background.

I have preached so many times about hope, and strength and courage, and I don’t want this first piece of this story to throw you off. While I sit in a deep dark cave, even if I don’t see the light, I know it’s there. I have had that hope in the past and while it might be wavering now, I know it’s there. So let me explain what happened this cycle.

Frozen Embryo Prep

This being the 3rd time we prepped for Frozen Embryo Transfer in the last 5 months… you could say we were already running in the swing of things at the start of this one. This one also seemed to fly by. Each week, each new medication, the process just seemed faster likely because I was going through the motions, and getting things done and in such a rhythm from the past cycles. Everything went smoothly with medications for the most part. The only different thing this time was that the progesterone in oil shots (aka the butt shots) started to hurt way sooner this time around. I think because I still had scar tissue from the last round of FET, the discomfort from the injections started almost instantly. Insult to injury am I right?? Also the injection area became numb because of the nerves in the area so that was freaky and not fun at all either. And to be clear, the actual injections are not bad at all in my opinion. I guess that is also coming from someone that now has an intimate relationship with shots so don’t quote me on anything. It’s not the needle that hurts, the aftermath of the progesterone lumps in my butt that hurt and sting. I do the whole massage thing, have used heat, but none of it really helps. You just grit down and get through it. I just think of each shot getting me closer to the baby. For the most part though, it was a swift and smooth process to get ready for transfer day. I was at my last appointment getting ready, when I double checked to be sure that Blake could come with me this time. We had planned to have Otis spend the night at my sisters so that Blake could take me and it could be a more loving experience for me since last time we checked, partners were allowed to join for the procedure. Unfortunately, I got the news that because of the recent covid spike in Southern California, partners were no longer allowed to come for procedures. My heart sank. It’s so hard not to get frustrated in these moments because infertility in the time of covid makes you walk more alone than you would normally. But, protocol is protocol and it was not something to be obsessed and linger on. But it was part of my plan that was now shifted. But, like anything else, you need to just readjust and keep moving forward. That all being said, if you are going through infertility for your first time during covid-19 having to go to appointments alone, procedures alone, my heart just reaches out to yours because I know how scary it can be at first to navigate. Just know your army of women are here. And we are all marching into those appointments with courage.

Transfer Day

Blake and Otis drove me to my procedure on embryo transfer day. 30 minutes prior to my appointment per usual and I gave them both a kiss, popped my valium and headed upstairs. Before you go back to the room, you need to fill out a ton of paperwork verifying your info etc and as I was filling out my sheets, I came across someone else’s sheet mixed in with my forms. THANK GOD I had taken the valium already or I might have had a full blown meltdown. I went back to the front desk and I think the woman felt HORRIBLE for mixing up a paper. When I dropped my papers off to her I said, “ I don’t have to worry about getting my own embryo right?!” Kind of half joking… but also, dead serious. It is in moments like this you really just need to step back and think that nothing in life is perfect and mistakes happen and not to let it ruin the vibe of transfer day. I WAS ZEN and nothing was going to change that.

I then went to my procedure room and met with the embryologist who went through all my information and that instantly calmed my nerves. Then my doctor came in to review everything and we were ready to get the show on the road! They always take a photo of my embryo for me before we start which is so special. My little baby, sitting in its little embryo station. SCIENCE IS BEAUTIFUL. Even though last transfer I videoed Blake and it was chaotic, I decided to video him in again as just a bit of support. It did feel good to have him there somehow. He put himself on mute so he could hear (maybe?) what was going on. My doctor first takes a quick measurement of my lining to make sure everything is looking good and it was a little bit lower than expected. It was more like 7.6 or 7.8 overall which we normally aim for 8 but she said she saw a thicker portion in a certain spot she would aim for. Not something you love to hear before shoveling your embryo in… but not every cycle is the same and if the doctor was happy, I was happy. A few minutes later and our beautiful little embryo was happily inside my uterus. I laid down for 20-30 minutes after and listened to some of my favorite chill tunes until it was time to get up and go. This was it. And now that wait continued. 

2 Week Wait

During our two week wait, 2WW, we had A LOT going on. My transfer was on a Thursday and I was on bedrest from Thursday through all day Saturday. I called it my “momcation” lol. Blake took time off from work and was on Otis duty 24/7. I stayed in bed for everything except a potty run or getting my injections. I watched a ton of movies but the first one I always watch when I get home is Father of the Bride Part 2. LOVE THAT MOVIE and it always gives me those good feeling vibes. This time, I made sure to plan all our meals ahead of time so I was enjoying all my favorite things. I always cut all caffeine as recommended by my doctor so I sip my hot water with lemon with all my meals. I facetimed Otis for all my meals which made me feel like part of the family and so sweet to see his little face. I have some of the sweetest photos of him laughing and eating pasta with me on facetime. Every night Blake would bring him in after his bath to give me a kiss and try to have a little snuggle while Blake watched him to make sure he wouldn’t jump on me or anything. Hard with an active toddler but at night, he loves those milk and movie snuggles so glad I could get some mini snuggle time with him. Toward Saturday, being in bed starts to get boring even for a mom that REALLY needed some time to rest. By Sunday I was slowly getting back into the swing of things and suddenly in full party prep mode for Otis!

So Sunday I was off bedrest and his birthday was on Tuesday. Blake was able to take off work on Monday and Tuesday so he could help prepare for Otis’ birthday. This was so helpful and amazing because now, I couldn’t’ lift Otis at all, so he was able to really help out more so with him as I eased back into my normal routines. Even though party planning has its own stress involved, it was EPIC to have something to focus my attention on during the TTW. And even luckier that we also planned a drive by birthday for Otis’ friends to come on Saturday so we had a lot to work on and distract us during the week.

On the eve of my blood work, A peaceful calm fell over me. Maybe I was still smiling from celebrating Otis and his birthday. Maybe it was because I was scrolling through photos of him dancing but I just couldn’t help smiling. How lucky was I??? A mom of a 2 year old person that continues to bring me so much joy every day. This is the hope you hold out for. This is what every injection is meant for. This is why time after time you pick yourself up and get back up. And that day, my heart smiled. Knowing that I had that chance to find out I was pregnant the next day. This was going to be my chance where I got lucky to do this again. 

Bloodwork Day

I woke up feeling so good. Calm. Relaxed. It was shocking. My plan was to wake up, pee in a cup, and have Blake do a HPT (home pregnancy test) when I left the house for my blood work. My mindset here is that I never want to get a blind call from the doctor with negative news and I DON’T want to know before I have to go see people in a doctors office so always leave the pee and make Blake test it. My relationship with the “devil sticks” as I call it… well, it ain’t good so I am thankful that Blake takes on the HPT duty.

I headed to my doctor’s appointment and one of my favorite nurses was there to take my blood. We chatted, and honestly, I was feeling good. Feeling so confident in the weirdest of ways. I had had some light cramping the past days so I figured that was a positive sign. I headed quickly back to my car to test Blake to give me the results. 

He first text back and asked how blood work went before I quickly and boldly asked WHAT THE RESULTS WERE. “Negative.” He said. A pit sank in my stomach, and the tears started to stream as I sat in the parking lot. Flashbacks to our last failed transfer and negative HPT. It had failed… AGAIN. At this point it was 8:45 and I needed to head home right away to get back on Mom duty to watch Otis since Blake had to go to work. I had to try to dry my tears up so I could drive home safely. I did my best to focus and get myself home. The waves of grief continually tug at my heart. EVERY. DAMN. SECOND. I walked inside and Otis smiled at me screaming “MAMA!!!” as he always does when I enter a room. I had to smile. But it almost made my heart break twice knowing I didn’t make him a baby sibling. 

I cried most of the day. On and off. Without warning. But what I talked about before is mourning this loss as a mother is so difficult. I didn’t want to be hysterically crying in front of Otis all day. He needs a mother that is happy and making him smile. But it’s not easy. Blake came out at lunch and I lost it. Trying to cover my face in front of Otis so he couldn’t’ see my tears. The frustration of just having to FIGHT and STRUGGLE for so long, all of it just feels so unfair. I sobbed as I told him I just wish it was easy like everyone else. It was just so hard. 

Today, I am still not ok. And to be honest I won’t be ok for a while. I know this isn’t the story you want to be reading and trust me when I say it’s not the story I thought I would be typing. But it’s the cruel reality of infertility that there are no guarantees. What makes this failure even more devastating is that we only have 1 more embryo left. So talk about pressure and your whole freaking family life flashing before your eyes. Your heart on the chopping block. Every time I think about it breaks me into pieces. I have been in that situation before, and sadly, we did not have a happy ending. Everything about this process will give you PTSD or at least it did for me. When you talk about being hopeful, it’s likely one of the hardest things you can achieve while going through treatment. But in the end, hope is what we all have. Faith that we can put our best hopeful heart forward and do everything in our power to put one foot in front of the other. I don’t know what our future holds right now, but I know I will have the courage to move forward. My mission in writing these blog posts about our infertility journey is shed some light on the realities of fertility treatment. It’s important to know the good, the bad and the ugly and to know that though times can be very dark, the rewards can be life’s sweetest. 

Blake turned to me yesterday and said, “WOW. Can you believe just how special a miracle that Otis is???” And he is so right. Bless our little rainbow baby for bringing so much love and light into our life especially in these current hard times.

To my friends out there struggling, I wish I could wrap my arms around you. So many parts of this process are now done alone because of this Covid world but know you are not walking alone. We all walk together. You are not alone.

I wrote a few posts on infertility and IVF and you can find them below:

IVF 1 

IVF 2 

IVF 3

Prepping for FET (frozen embryo transfer)

Preparing for IVF egg retrieval 

How to support a friend going through IVF

IVF book resources

Covid-19 Cancelled My Embryo Transfer

Failed IVF Frozen Embryo Transfer

The post Failed Frozen Embryo Transfer #3 – Failed IVF appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

[kurtwarren54]

Failed Frozen Embryo Transfer #3 – Failed IVF

As I type, the words are blurry from the tears. My heart is broken. And it’s in moments like these that hope seems impossible. The waves of grief, loss, and utter despair hit like a Mac truck. I am not ok. I feel like I am living the worst kind of ground hogs day since we just recently shared our last failed embryo transfer. On August 20th, I had my second frozen embryo transfer and 11 days later we found out that it failed. 

I never fully understood the pain of those trying for their second child. I always thought how the pain must have been 10x harder for those without having any children. But the chill reality for myself is having a sweet taste of motherhood and knowing that in every fiber of my body that is the role I was meant to have. And the utter heartbreak of knowing that joy and love and not being able to give it to more than one child. It’s something I have thought about a lot and something I now deeply understand. As I sit in this numb fog, the irony is that my butt is literally still numb from the progesterone injections and I still have permanent marker circles drawn on my butt cheeks from where I would have continued my shots if I had gotten pregnant. It all stings. Literally and figuratively.

Why I am deciding to share this so soon after our failed transfer is that I can’t just pretend things are normal because they aren’t. So much is going on in the world that I care so passionately about, but I have been secretly struggling through our fertility as the world simultaneously is hurting and the pressures of having a platform and showing up for others can feel daunting when your own life is consumed with its own fight. I just want to say, to always be kind to others because you NEVER know the struggles they are fighting in their lives. Especially in this Covid world where many people have lost their jobs, lost loved ones, and so many other pieces of life can be turned upside down. That being said, I try to carry on and move forward because it is what needs to happen in life. But now you know what has and is going on in the background.

I have preached so many times about hope, and strength and courage, and I don’t want this first piece of this story to throw you off. While I sit in a deep dark cave, even if I don’t see the light, I know it’s there. I have had that hope in the past and while it might be wavering now, I know it’s there. So let me explain what happened this cycle.

Frozen Embryo Prep

This being the 3rd time we prepped for Frozen Embryo Transfer in the last 5 months… you could say we were already running in the swing of things at the start of this one. This one also seemed to fly by. Each week, each new medication, the process just seemed faster likely because I was going through the motions, and getting things done and in such a rhythm from the past cycles. Everything went smoothly with medications for the most part. The only different thing this time was that the progesterone in oil shots (aka the butt shots) started to hurt way sooner this time around. I think because I still had scar tissue from the last round of FET, the discomfort from the injections started almost instantly. Insult to injury am I right?? Also the injection area became numb because of the nerves in the area so that was freaky and not fun at all either. And to be clear, the actual injections are not bad at all in my opinion. I guess that is also coming from someone that now has an intimate relationship with shots so don’t quote me on anything. It’s not the needle that hurts, the aftermath of the progesterone lumps in my butt that hurt and sting. I do the whole massage thing, have used heat, but none of it really helps. You just grit down and get through it. I just think of each shot getting me closer to the baby. For the most part though, it was a swift and smooth process to get ready for transfer day. I was at my last appointment getting ready, when I double checked to be sure that Blake could come with me this time. We had planned to have Otis spend the night at my sisters so that Blake could take me and it could be a more loving experience for me since last time we checked, partners were allowed to join for the procedure. Unfortunately, I got the news that because of the recent covid spike in Southern California, partners were no longer allowed to come for procedures. My heart sank. It’s so hard not to get frustrated in these moments because infertility in the time of covid makes you walk more alone than you would normally. But, protocol is protocol and it was not something to be obsessed and linger on. But it was part of my plan that was now shifted. But, like anything else, you need to just readjust and keep moving forward. That all being said, if you are going through infertility for your first time during covid-19 having to go to appointments alone, procedures alone, my heart just reaches out to yours because I know how scary it can be at first to navigate. Just know your army of women are here. And we are all marching into those appointments with courage.

Transfer Day

Blake and Otis drove me to my procedure on embryo transfer day. 30 minutes prior to my appointment per usual and I gave them both a kiss, popped my valium and headed upstairs. Before you go back to the room, you need to fill out a ton of paperwork verifying your info etc and as I was filling out my sheets, I came across someone else’s sheet mixed in with my forms. THANK GOD I had taken the valium already or I might have had a full blown meltdown. I went back to the front desk and I think the woman felt HORRIBLE for mixing up a paper. When I dropped my papers off to her I said, “ I don’t have to worry about getting my own embryo right?!” Kind of half joking… but also, dead serious. It is in moments like this you really just need to step back and think that nothing in life is perfect and mistakes happen and not to let it ruin the vibe of transfer day. I WAS ZEN and nothing was going to change that.

I then went to my procedure room and met with the embryologist who went through all my information and that instantly calmed my nerves. Then my doctor came in to review everything and we were ready to get the show on the road! They always take a photo of my embryo for me before we start which is so special. My little baby, sitting in its little embryo station. SCIENCE IS BEAUTIFUL. Even though last transfer I videoed Blake and it was chaotic, I decided to video him in again as just a bit of support. It did feel good to have him there somehow. He put himself on mute so he could hear (maybe?) what was going on. My doctor first takes a quick measurement of my lining to make sure everything is looking good and it was a little bit lower than expected. It was more like 7.6 or 7.8 overall which we normally aim for 8 but she said she saw a thicker portion in a certain spot she would aim for. Not something you love to hear before shoveling your embryo in… but not every cycle is the same and if the doctor was happy, I was happy. A few minutes later and our beautiful little embryo was happily inside my uterus. I laid down for 20-30 minutes after and listened to some of my favorite chill tunes until it was time to get up and go. This was it. And now that wait continued. 

2 Week Wait

During our two week wait, 2WW, we had A LOT going on. My transfer was on a Thursday and I was on bedrest from Thursday through all day Saturday. I called it my “momcation” lol. Blake took time off from work and was on Otis duty 24/7. I stayed in bed for everything except a potty run or getting my injections. I watched a ton of movies but the first one I always watch when I get home is Father of the Bride Part 2. LOVE THAT MOVIE and it always gives me those good feeling vibes. This time, I made sure to plan all our meals ahead of time so I was enjoying all my favorite things. I always cut all caffeine as recommended by my doctor so I sip my hot water with lemon with all my meals. I facetimed Otis for all my meals which made me feel like part of the family and so sweet to see his little face. I have some of the sweetest photos of him laughing and eating pasta with me on facetime. Every night Blake would bring him in after his bath to give me a kiss and try to have a little snuggle while Blake watched him to make sure he wouldn’t jump on me or anything. Hard with an active toddler but at night, he loves those milk and movie snuggles so glad I could get some mini snuggle time with him. Toward Saturday, being in bed starts to get boring even for a mom that REALLY needed some time to rest. By Sunday I was slowly getting back into the swing of things and suddenly in full party prep mode for Otis!

So Sunday I was off bedrest and his birthday was on Tuesday. Blake was able to take off work on Monday and Tuesday so he could help prepare for Otis’ birthday. This was so helpful and amazing because now, I couldn’t’ lift Otis at all, so he was able to really help out more so with him as I eased back into my normal routines. Even though party planning has its own stress involved, it was EPIC to have something to focus my attention on during the TTW. And even luckier that we also planned a drive by birthday for Otis’ friends to come on Saturday so we had a lot to work on and distract us during the week.

On the eve of my blood work, A peaceful calm fell over me. Maybe I was still smiling from celebrating Otis and his birthday. Maybe it was because I was scrolling through photos of him dancing but I just couldn’t help smiling. How lucky was I??? A mom of a 2 year old person that continues to bring me so much joy every day. This is the hope you hold out for. This is what every injection is meant for. This is why time after time you pick yourself up and get back up. And that day, my heart smiled. Knowing that I had that chance to find out I was pregnant the next day. This was going to be my chance where I got lucky to do this again. 

Bloodwork Day

I woke up feeling so good. Calm. Relaxed. It was shocking. My plan was to wake up, pee in a cup, and have Blake do a HPT (home pregnancy test) when I left the house for my blood work. My mindset here is that I never want to get a blind call from the doctor with negative news and I DON’T want to know before I have to go see people in a doctors office so always leave the pee and make Blake test it. My relationship with the “devil sticks” as I call it… well, it ain’t good so I am thankful that Blake takes on the HPT duty.

I headed to my doctor’s appointment and one of my favorite nurses was there to take my blood. We chatted, and honestly, I was feeling good. Feeling so confident in the weirdest of ways. I had had some light cramping the past days so I figured that was a positive sign. I headed quickly back to my car to test Blake to give me the results. 

He first text back and asked how blood work went before I quickly and boldly asked WHAT THE RESULTS WERE. “Negative.” He said. A pit sank in my stomach, and the tears started to stream as I sat in the parking lot. Flashbacks to our last failed transfer and negative HPT. It had failed… AGAIN. At this point it was 8:45 and I needed to head home right away to get back on Mom duty to watch Otis since Blake had to go to work. I had to try to dry my tears up so I could drive home safely. I did my best to focus and get myself home. The waves of grief continually tug at my heart. EVERY. DAMN. SECOND. I walked inside and Otis smiled at me screaming “MAMA!!!” as he always does when I enter a room. I had to smile. But it almost made my heart break twice knowing I didn’t make him a baby sibling. 

I cried most of the day. On and off. Without warning. But what I talked about before is mourning this loss as a mother is so difficult. I didn’t want to be hysterically crying in front of Otis all day. He needs a mother that is happy and making him smile. But it’s not easy. Blake came out at lunch and I lost it. Trying to cover my face in front of Otis so he couldn’t’ see my tears. The frustration of just having to FIGHT and STRUGGLE for so long, all of it just feels so unfair. I sobbed as I told him I just wish it was easy like everyone else. It was just so hard. 

Today, I am still not ok. And to be honest I won’t be ok for a while. I know this isn’t the story you want to be reading and trust me when I say it’s not the story I thought I would be typing. But it’s the cruel reality of infertility that there are no guarantees. What makes this failure even more devastating is that we only have 1 more embryo left. So talk about pressure and your whole freaking family life flashing before your eyes. Your heart on the chopping block. Every time I think about it breaks me into pieces. I have been in that situation before, and sadly, we did not have a happy ending. Everything about this process will give you PTSD or at least it did for me. When you talk about being hopeful, it’s likely one of the hardest things you can achieve while going through treatment. But in the end, hope is what we all have. Faith that we can put our best hopeful heart forward and do everything in our power to put one foot in front of the other. I don’t know what our future holds right now, but I know I will have the courage to move forward. My mission in writing these blog posts about our infertility journey is shed some light on the realities of fertility treatment. It’s important to know the good, the bad and the ugly and to know that though times can be very dark, the rewards can be life’s sweetest. 

Blake turned to me yesterday and said, “WOW. Can you believe just how special a miracle that Otis is???” And he is so right. Bless our little rainbow baby for bringing so much love and light into our life especially in these current hard times.

To my friends out there struggling, I wish I could wrap my arms around you. So many parts of this process are now done alone because of this Covid world but know you are not walking alone. We all walk together. You are not alone.

I wrote a few posts on infertility and IVF and you can find them below:

IVF 1 

IVF 2 

IVF 3

Prepping for FET (frozen embryo transfer)

Preparing for IVF egg retrieval 

How to support a friend going through IVF

IVF book resources

Covid-19 Cancelled My Embryo Transfer

Failed IVF Frozen Embryo Transfer

The post Failed Frozen Embryo Transfer #3 – Failed IVF appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

from Wellness https://www.eatsleepwear.com/2020/09/01/failed-frozen-embryo-transfer-3-failed-ivf/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[purplesurveys]

1115

survey by vintagekid

Name:  Robyn.

Happy with it? I am now, but I certainly wasn’t as a kid. Other kids were cruel and would tease me solely for my name, which made it hard for me to socialize. I got the same bad Batman jokes too many times and I also got called a boy. These seem petty now, but as a kindergartener adjusting to life in school, it had been traumatizing and made me wonder if my classmates were going to remain the way they were for the long run which no 4-year-old should be mulling about, really.

Do you wear stilettos? When I get the chance, which isn’t very often at all. But I do love stilettos.

How important are looks to you? I find this question very vague, but generally looks matter to me to a certain extent, like how I’d want to look nice and proper for a job interview or for formal occasions such as weddings. Relationship-wise, I also think I have to feel a level of physical attraction towards someone for me to consider seeing them.

How often do you download music? I don’t anymore. I stream all my music.

Can you name a philosopher? Socrates.

What would you do if two unicorns tried to whisk you off to candy mountain? I just looked this up and this is apparently in reference to an ancient viral video, like it was around before viral videos were even a universally-acknowledged concept. That said, I don’t have a clue how to respond to this lmao.

You became the deciding vote in an election, which party would you go for? I don’t base my voting decisions on parties because the party system in my country is a tragically broken shitstorm in which every single party rallies the same values and principles, just executed in their own – and usually poor and unsustainable – ways. I do my research on each candidate, see how they answer in debates, look at laws they’ve authored, see which marginalized groups they proactively support (if they do), and decide from there.

Do you have a bzoink account? I don’t but I’ve been a semi-regular visitor since like 2009.

How many phone calls do you typically make in a day? Zero. People usually call me.

What song are you listening to? Tell Me It’s Okay by, surprise surprise, Paramore.

Do you understand things others your age do not? I don’t know. Maybe. Everyone’s bound to understand some things better than others.

Do you hate people that label themselves? Why would I hate that? And why would their chosen label be my business?

How many windows do you have open? None. There’s plenty of mosquitoes at night, so even though the cold evening air would been pleasant to have we have to keep the windows closed by nighttime.

How superstitious are you? Not at all.

If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? I’ve been told either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.

Which comedian can always crack you up? It’s not a habit of mine to watch comedians.

Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not since I was a teenager. Since college I’ve been doing most of my work, if not all of it, through my laptop, and I think my parents understand that I have to use it all the time.

Do you feel bad about anything you've done lately? Nothing comes to mind, no.

What's your texting bill typically like? My SIM is prepaid, so it works the other way around. I put load credits in it only if I know I’ll have to call/text/surf regularly.

What song did you/do you want played at your wedding? Turning Page by Sleeping At Last.

Do you have a lot or hardly any lines on your palms? Idk, a decent amount I guess? I don’t think it hits either extreme.

What's your favourite word? Poignant.

Are you allowed to swear in front of your parents? Yeah. They’ll shoot me a glare sometimes, but I’m in my 20s and...they know they can’t really do anything about it anymore lol.

Do you eat apples? No.

What are your addictions? Coffee, I suppose.

What are some words you use in daily life? I use intensifiers often, like very, really, super, absolutely, etc. I’m also big on expressions hahaha like oh my god, seriously, for real, and ugh.

Do you look things up on Google constantly? Yes.

Where do you get your music from? Spotify. Sometimes YouTube if I wanna look for a leak.

What do you think of people with afros? That they are people with afros...? I don’t really know what you’re looking for me to say, lmfao.

--

survey by charey-chas

Do you like getting your picture taken? Not for the most part. My body instantly gets all frozen and awkward when a camera’s placed in front of me, which I hate because I do wish I could have more photos of myself around. Is your phone anywhere near you? It is not, actually. It feels great and I really should start making it a habit to keep it away from me entirely on weekends. Do you ever enjoy going to school? In my first school, I enjoyed going mainly (and probably only) for my friends; but Catholic school was predominantly a torturous experience. The rigidity isn’t something I look back fondly on, and it felt like being kept on a tight leash for 14 years. College was a lot more enjoyable in every way possible. I liked going to (most of) my classes and learning as much as I loved the vibrant org culture and the general freedom that comes with university life. Have you ever gone on a road trip? Lots. The Philippines is a relatively small country and unless you want to jump to a different island altogether, there are many provinces you can readily travel to by car.  Who do you get along with best in your family?  Nina, my sister. Then my dad. I clash a lot with my mom and I don’t talk to my brother. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Cats and I don’t get along very well hahaha but I think I’m similar to them. Would you ever buy anything from an infomercial? Maybe once, just to be able to say that I have. Have you ever made a snow angel? No, because I’ve never seen snow before. Have you stayed in a hotel in the last month? No. We had a brief getaway in Tagaytay but we switched things up and went to rent a condo, instead of book a hotel room, for a weekend. What's your most comfortable outfit? If I want to go for comfortable, I usually go for my rompers or jumpsuits. Do you text or IM more? IM these days. Would you rather listen to music or play it? Listen. I have no music-playing skills whatsoever. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Sure. Do you like pizza? LOVE IT Are you sleeping in your own bed tonight? Yes. If not here, the couch. But most likely it will my bed tonight. Are any of your friends having a sleepover right now? I doubt it. Angela and Hans had an overnight stay in Batangas a few days ago for their Valentine’s shenanigans though, which I guess kinda counts as a sleepover. Have you ever been to a house party? I don’t think so. That’s something I missed out on in my college days, but I don’t mind. Do you listen to your iPod or the radio when you're in the car? I think I keep a good balance. If my phone’s battery is not very high I’ll rely on the radio; and sometimes I’ll sync my phone’s Spotify to the car as well.

--

survey by charey-chas

What song is stuck in your head at the moment? RAVI’s BUM. What's your fathers' middle name? He doesn’t have a second name, but I’m not sharing his legal middle name on here either. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer? On work days, I’d say 8-10 hours. On weekends, maybe a little slightly less than that since I do like getting off the laptop sometimes to rest my eyes. Could you live without the internet? People from the past managed to live without it, so I know I can. It would just be extremely inconvenient; and having been dependent on it for such a long time now, I would likely be clueless on how to navigate most activities. What's something you're really into? Learning about cultural differences!! That’s why reading survey answers has always been fascinating to me. I would love a website that dives into the various everyday behavior people observe in other countries, but the ones that do exist use like 20- or 30-year-old sources, so they aren’t even relevant at all anymore. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Knives Out. Have you ever seen a movie in 3D or in an IMAX theater? Just once. It was Denise and Leigh’s 18th birthday treat and they brought us to watch Doctor Strange in 3D. Do you prefer skirts, shorts, or skorts? Shorts. Have you ever vandalized? Just a few school chairs in grade school, but otherwise I’m too paranoid for vandalism lol. What's the longest you've stayed up? Maybe a little longer than 24 hours. Who'd you have a sleepover with last? Gabie. When's the last time you baked something? Nearly a decade ago. Our oven was new at the time and I wanted to try baking cookies. Do you like to dance? When I’m alone. Do you scratch mosquito bites, even though you're not supposed to? Yup. Are you afaid of spiders or do you like them? I mean I’m not fond of them, but I also don’t scream and run away when I see them. I just don’t care for them for the most part. What's a pet you've always wanted? I’ve only ever wanted dogs, and now I’ve got two of them. Do you like mice? Not really. Would you ever get a tattoo? Sure. I’ve been considering it for a while now; it’s just a matter of being able to save up for one. Do you prefer to walk in the street or on the sidewalk? Street, if it’s bare and safe enough. Otherwise if I’m in a busy city with regulations and all I’d obviously rather be on the sidewalk. What's your favorite t-shirt? My CM Punk Best in the World merch. Who did you last think about? I remembered Deina when I was thinking about the tattoo question. She got a pawprint tattoo on her wrist shortly before her senior dog passed away and ever since learning about it I’ve also been thinking about getting the same tattoo. Do you like giving hugs? I love giving hugs and it’s an automatic response for me whenever I see someone I love, which is why Covid is such a torture for me. Do you prefer hardwood flooring or carpeting? Hardwood. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? No. I got a car when I was 17, around six months before I started college. Have you ever eaten a worm? No but I’d be willing to try.

#survey #surveys #a few short ones in one post

[financialinvestingradio]

FIR 85: Can Duct Tape Help Businesses Recover from COVID-19

Hey everybody, this is Grant Larsen. Thank you for joining ClickAI Radio. Okay, so COVID-19 has certainly been on all of our minds and it has radically impacted our businesses. But to talk about that, I want to back up and tell you just quick story. So one day, my kids were building something that they called a moving landmass. Now, it was a platform of wood and nails, and duct tape. And the idea was to ride the platform, this this moving landmass down the street. So it did okay, until the actual framework fell apart. Because the duct tape was not the answer, right?

Although duct tape is the answer to a lot of things. I myself am a duct tape fan, but it didn't have the properties that were needed for this particular purpose. So sometimes in our businesses, we apply duct tape, right? And and sometimes that's just fine. It's the right answer when we just got to hold something together whether it's a quick business process or minor adjustments or changes in some messaging, gotta hold it together so that we can provide value to our customers. Well, coming out of COVID-19 may actually require some duct tape, of course, but in a lot of cases, it's going to require a more serious business re architecting. And looking at that, I'll give an example. Recently I was looking at an article in The Washington Post, the title of it was and you may have seen this, the title of it was the end of small business. I think this came out on July 9, take a look at it. The writer does a good job describing his view, right? He basically says, Look, it's probably over for a lot of small medium businesses, only the large corporations are going to survive this. He makes a couple comments about even when the economy recovers more or less obviously people are going to still need to buy things, but the Coronavirus is going to you know, obviously change mainstream across the country right.

It's gonna accelerate some changes that have been waiting a long time. And so a lot of the mom and pop stores are at risk. This is the viewpoint of course of this writer. He further went on to point out that in the 1980s, one half of retail shopping took place in independent stores. And today, it's less than a quarter. He makes one other key point that I'll just call out here. He says, like, many small businesses and weaker corporations won't have enough capital to outlast the pandemic, and their customers will be claimed by a handful of winners, with the cash and the technological infrastructure necessary to survive and prosper in the new environment. That's the context so we're living in so that's in quote there. That's the context we're living in, right, which is a lot of our small businesses are at risk. No doubt, no surprise to everybody. But it's gonna be Hey, can you hold on to your cash and can you survive the pandemic?

Make it long enough so that you can still have another business day. I've done my share of investing and trading, the real thought there is live to invest or trade another day, right? Well, as a business owner, can we live to invest and trade or do our business another day? So again, take a look at that Washington Post article, interesting viewpoint, flipping the coin. I also looked at another article, this is from Forbes, and they were talking about their viewpoint was, hey, six ways to rebuild your small business after COVID-19. All right, so the Washington Post was just a little bit like a you know, the sky is falling, and in some case, it really has fallen. In other cases, though, like from the Forbes perspective, they're describing, hey, in order to come out of this, right, there's six things that you got to take a look at number one, and this was let's see, this was April 20th 2020 is when they wrote this article. So take a look at that one online. six ways to reopen as a small business number one, here's the six things they pointed out. Number one, assess the financial damage. Number two, take a second look at your business plan. Number three, consider whether you'll need funding to recover. Number four, revamp your budget to account for new spending. Number five, develop a timeline for rebuilding. Number six, create a contingency plan on the next crisis. Right now, I want to talk about a couple of these for just a moment. So on Step three, where talks about Hey, consider the funding that you might need to recover. Clearly, you've heard about the SBA, the Small Business Administration that's been handing out some pretty decent loans recently to small businesses. I know a number of people, number of business owners, small business owners that have taken advantage of that, and I can see some real value in it. I think the interest rates are really low. You see everything from

Like 2.75% to 4%, those are some pretty decent rates. I think I also saw that you don't really start paying it back until like a year after you, you actually take take the loan, so they give you 12 months. And then I think it was a 20 year sort of deal. So it's an awesome stimulus, of course, for the small to medium business. But earlier, when I first started this episode, I talked about duct tape, right? And here's, here's the point I want to make on it if I just apply for an SBA loan, but I continue to spend and execute on the same business model as I had before. COVID-19. The likelihood of my business sustaining the big changes is much smaller. In other words, I probably won't survive. Here's the point. It's kinda like duct tape, right? It's if I if I just take the money, and I don't really change the way I'm going to do business.

I don't change my business architecture, my plan, etc. But I just take and apply it. I'm kind of duct taping the situation, because the world has changed, as pointed out in that Washington Post article, whether or not you agree with everything there. There's some great insights there. The fact of the matter is if we just take that sort of funding, and we just apply it, again, without making any sort of adjustments, we're kind of duct taping it right? And like my kids big moving landmass, it's not going to hold up to the weight of things. So here's a thought, rather gonna suggest that you think about what assets Do you already have, which can give you insights in order to help you make adjustments. So I'm definitely a fan of taking advantage of the SBA loan, but don't just do that on its own. Let's also take a look at what assets you've already as a business owner developed over time. Well, you've captured the information that you have available to you now

As you think about, you know, revamping your budget, which was number four in that Forbes list, gonna encourage you to think about a few things here. First of all, you've got a lot of business information or data that you've collected over time, right? And in fact, lots of times you have a lot of data, it turns out that a lot of that data contains insights to patterns, your patterns, right? So it's the patterns of your good behavior, and your bad, you know, your bad behavior, things that they shouldn't have done, right. He listened to some of my previous episodes, I shared some bad things that I did, and some of my earlier startups 20 plus 30 plus years ago, so easy to do the bad things, but I tell you what, rather than just taking the quick fix of the money, let's step back and look at your data, what it's going to tell you, right and what the insights are there. They're so before you get too far, examine the data or get someone who knows how to

Do it right to examine the data and identify your best behaviors and the activities to carry forward and then identify those behaviors, right the things to actually stop doing. It makes no sense to come out of COVID-19 with a renewed plan, and updated funding if we continue to spend our time and resources money on bad behavior. So get someone to apply some artificial intelligence and data analytics on your data to help get you the insights. It actually is a good spend, right? It's a good spend to stop sharpen the saw in you know, Wasn't that a Stephen r covey thing? I think, yeah, he's like a sharpen the saga. Right? This is sharpen the saw time. All right, step back, take some of that funding that you're getting from the SBA and apply it to doing some data analytics and some artificial intelligence to tell you based on your patterns, the things that are good, they're not good and do some predictive analysis on that. So you're spending

In your time on the better activities, you know, duct tape is a powerful thing. In fact, one of the things that our kids have done with it over the years is birthday times or Christmas times, they'll even wrap presents in duct tape. Right? And that makes for quite the serious moment trying to get that stuff on done. So still a fan of the duct tape, but if we don't, if we don't work smarter, coming out of COVID-19 we're actually gonna have a hard time surviving as small to medium businesses, right? Have In fact, there's some effect. The bad thinking, back to that Washington Post article, he made the comment that a lot of that money is moved to you know, the large organizations right, like Amazon or Walmart or things like that. So as a small to medium business owner, we're obviously competing with organizations that leverage a lot of data. Amazon at leverages a lot of data, right? They look at how you spend, they look at how you search and so on.

We actually have to play a similar game as a small to medium business owner. Now the challenge in a small medium business organization is, I'm not going to be able to go hire a large team to do that. Well, there's organizations that will help you through that. So you don't take on all that cost. But you get an opportunity to go at the data and insights that are in there with very little cost to yourself. So I sure hope you take a moment to don't apply duct tape; don't just take the money and keep doing the same things. Stop and examine what you got at your fingertips stuff that's already there available to help you. Alright, everyone, keep buying duct tape on the fan. Let's use it for the right reasons. Thanks for joining. My name's Grant Larsen and but until next time, let's use our duct tape right.

Thank you for joining grant on ClickAI Radio. Don't forget to subscribe and leave feedback and remember to Download your free ebook, visit ClickAIRadio.com now.

  Check out this episode!

[clickairadio]

CAIR 4: Can Duct Tape Help Businesses Recover from COVID-19

Hey everybody, this is Grant Larsen. Thank you for joining ClickAI Radio. Okay, so COVID-19 has certainly been on all of our minds and it has radically impacted our businesses. But to talk about that, I want to back up and tell you just quick story. So one day, my kids were building something that they called a moving landmass. Now, it was a platform of wood and nails, and duct tape. And the idea was to ride the platform, this this moving landmass down the street. So it did okay, until the actual framework fell apart. Because the duct tape was not the answer, right?

Although duct tape is the answer to a lot of things. I myself am a duct tape fan, but it didn't have the properties that were needed for this particular purpose. So sometimes in our businesses, we apply duct tape, right? And and sometimes that's just fine. It's the right answer when we just got to hold something together whether it's a quick business process or minor adjustments or changes in some messaging, gotta hold it together so that we can provide value to our customers. Well, coming out of COVID-19 may actually require some duct tape, of course, but in a lot of cases, it's going to require a more serious business re architecting. And looking at that, I'll give an example. Recently I was looking at an article in The Washington Post, the title of it was and you may have seen this, the title of it was the end of small business. I think this came out on July 9, take a look at it. The writer does a good job describing his view, right? He basically says, Look, it's probably over for a lot of small medium businesses, only the large corporations are going to survive this. He makes a couple comments about even when the economy recovers more or less obviously people are going to still need to buy things, but the Coronavirus is going to you know, obviously change mainstream across the country right.

It's gonna accelerate some changes that have been waiting a long time. And so a lot of the mom and pop stores are at risk. This is the viewpoint of course of this writer. He further went on to point out that in the 1980s, one half of retail shopping took place in independent stores. And today, it's less than a quarter. He makes one other key point that I'll just call out here. He says, like, many small businesses and weaker corporations won't have enough capital to outlast the pandemic, and their customers will be claimed by a handful of winners, with the cash and the technological infrastructure necessary to survive and prosper in the new environment. That's the context so we're living in so that's in quote there. That's the context we're living in, right, which is a lot of our small businesses are at risk. No doubt, no surprise to everybody. But it's gonna be Hey, can you hold on to your cash and can you survive the pandemic?

Make it long enough so that you can still have another business day. I've done my share of investing and trading, the real thought there is live to invest or trade another day, right? Well, as a business owner, can we live to invest and trade or do our business another day? So again, take a look at that Washington Post article, interesting viewpoint, flipping the coin. I also looked at another article, this is from Forbes, and they were talking about their viewpoint was, hey, six ways to rebuild your small business after COVID-19. All right, so the Washington Post was just a little bit like a you know, the sky is falling, and in some case, it really has fallen. In other cases, though, like from the Forbes perspective, they're describing, hey, in order to come out of this, right, there's six things that you got to take a look at number one, and this was let's see, this was April 20th 2020 is when they wrote this article. So take a look at that one online. six ways to reopen as a small business number one, here's the six things they pointed out. Number one, assess the financial damage. Number two, take a second look at your business plan. Number three, consider whether you'll need funding to recover. Number four, revamp your budget to account for new spending. Number five, develop a timeline for rebuilding. Number six, create a contingency plan on the next crisis. Right now, I want to talk about a couple of these for just a moment. So on Step three, where talks about Hey, consider the funding that you might need to recover. Clearly, you've heard about the SBA, the Small Business Administration that's been handing out some pretty decent loans recently to small businesses. I know a number of people, number of business owners, small business owners that have taken advantage of that, and I can see some real value in it. I think the interest rates are really low. You see everything from

Like 2.75% to 4%, those are some pretty decent rates. I think I also saw that you don't really start paying it back until like a year after you, you actually take take the loan, so they give you 12 months. And then I think it was a 20 year sort of deal. So it's an awesome stimulus, of course, for the small to medium business. But earlier, when I first started this episode, I talked about duct tape, right? And here's, here's the point I want to make on it if I just apply for an SBA loan, but I continue to spend and execute on the same business model as I had before. COVID-19. The likelihood of my business sustaining the big changes is much smaller. In other words, I probably won't survive. Here's the point. It's kinda like duct tape, right? It's if I if I just take the money, and I don't really change the way I'm going to do business.

I don't change my business architecture, my plan, etc. But I just take and apply it. I'm kind of duct taping the situation, because the world has changed, as pointed out in that Washington Post article, whether or not you agree with everything there. There's some great insights there. The fact of the matter is if we just take that sort of funding, and we just apply it, again, without making any sort of adjustments, we're kind of duct taping it right? And like my kids big moving landmass, it's not going to hold up to the weight of things. So here's a thought, rather gonna suggest that you think about what assets Do you already have, which can give you insights in order to help you make adjustments. So I'm definitely a fan of taking advantage of the SBA loan, but don't just do that on its own. Let's also take a look at what assets you've already as a business owner developed over time. Well, you've captured the information that you have available to you now

As you think about, you know, revamping your budget, which was number four in that Forbes list, gonna encourage you to think about a few things here. First of all, you've got a lot of business information or data that you've collected over time, right? And in fact, lots of times you have a lot of data, it turns out that a lot of that data contains insights to patterns, your patterns, right? So it's the patterns of your good behavior, and your bad, you know, your bad behavior, things that they shouldn't have done, right. He listened to some of my previous episodes, I shared some bad things that I did, and some of my earlier startups 20 plus 30 plus years ago, so easy to do the bad things, but I tell you what, rather than just taking the quick fix of the money, let's step back and look at your data, what it's going to tell you, right and what the insights are there. They're so before you get too far, examine the data or get someone who knows how to

Do it right to examine the data and identify your best behaviors and the activities to carry forward and then identify those behaviors, right the things to actually stop doing. It makes no sense to come out of COVID-19 with a renewed plan, and updated funding if we continue to spend our time and resources money on bad behavior. So get someone to apply some artificial intelligence and data analytics on your data to help get you the insights. It actually is a good spend, right? It's a good spend to stop sharpen the saw in you know, Wasn't that a Stephen r covey thing? I think, yeah, he's like a sharpen the saga. Right? This is sharpen the saw time. All right, step back, take some of that funding that you're getting from the SBA and apply it to doing some data analytics and some artificial intelligence to tell you based on your patterns, the things that are good, they're not good and do some predictive analysis on that. So you're spending

In your time on the better activities, you know, duct tape is a powerful thing. In fact, one of the things that our kids have done with it over the years is birthday times or Christmas times, they'll even wrap presents in duct tape. Right? And that makes for quite the serious moment trying to get that stuff on done. So still a fan of the duct tape, but if we don't, if we don't work smarter, coming out of COVID-19 we're actually gonna have a hard time surviving as small to medium businesses, right? Have In fact, there's some effect. The bad thinking, back to that Washington Post article, he made the comment that a lot of that money is moved to you know, the large organizations right, like Amazon or Walmart or things like that. So as a small to medium business owner, we're obviously competing with organizations that leverage a lot of data. Amazon at leverages a lot of data, right? They look at how you spend, they look at how you search and so on.

We actually have to play a similar game as a small to medium business owner. Now the challenge in a small medium business organization is, I'm not going to be able to go hire a large team to do that. Well, there's organizations that will help you through that. So you don't take on all that cost. But you get an opportunity to go at the data and insights that are in there with very little cost to yourself. So I sure hope you take a moment to don't apply duct tape; don't just take the money and keep doing the same things. Stop and examine what you got at your fingertips stuff that's already there available to help you. Alright, everyone, keep buying duct tape on the fan. Let's use it for the right reasons. Thanks for joining. My name's Grant Larsen and but until next time, let's use our duct tape right.

Thank you for joining grant on ClickAI Radio. Don't forget to subscribe and leave feedback and remember to Download your free ebook, visit ClickAIRadio.com now.

  Check out this episode!

[dailykhaleej]

COVID-19: Parents within the DailyKhaleej staff share their ‘StayHome’ experiences

Parents within the DailyKhaleej group share their StayHome expertise Picture Credit score: Seyyed Llata, Senior Designer

Dubai: Little has been stated about the impact of coronavirus motion restrictions upon youngsters, however keep in mind they’ve been couped up inside longer than the adults what with college breaking apart nearly a full three weeks earlier than the work-from-home directive got here. DailyKhaleej staff with children took the alternative to share their observations on how this was affecting their youngsters, and past compelling insights into how they had been making it work (or not) in addition they shared their solutions to taking the edge off the stress of being hemmed in and confronted with a deluge of homework.

Grin and bear it

By Ashley Hammond, UAE Editor

Enslaved to an endless stream of labor in an surroundings the place you are supposed to be at your most relaxed. Sure, working from residence hasn’t simply entrapped the adults, but in addition the youngsters too, and to say that I’ve observed its carrying impact on the behaviour of my two daughters aged seven and 5 is considerably of an understatement.

The eldest, who’s often so placid, has grown much more ill-tempered, sarcastic and defiant, and the youngest, who was anyway a free spirit, has simply blossomed at the alternative to unleash her wrath upon something that stands in her method.

Each are bored, jaded and disillusioned with e-learning, and the two individuals they had been meant to show to for some respite on this – their dad and mom – have needed to rework into makeshift lecturers in a single day, who match research round their personal career-demands.

It doesn’t work and also you eternally really feel such as you’re not doing each facet justice.

Watching my youngest interact in the first zoom assembly between her classmates after almost six weeks aside was devastatingly unhappy as she was simply silenced into awe at the sight of their faces, and if my eldest may slouch anymore in her chair throughout these interactions she could be parallel.

I’m grateful for these moments although, as a result of regardless of the stress, door slamming and blood curdling screams – not all of that are from me – they’ve made me realise what’s most necessary.

– Ashley Hammond, UAE Editor

It might be that I haven’t been absolutely listening to their wants, and it is a golden alternative to right that. Additionally with everybody backed right into a nook, the true characters of my children are popping out. I’m amazed by their sudden wit and improvement, their feelings and reactions, and the way they’re basically smaller variations of myself. I don’t see this when I’m at work, and the pained expression on our beloved nanny’s face is now considerably explainable. I don’t understand how we’re going to repair this, it’s tough, however we’re going to get by way of it.

At the finish of the day we simply stick on the music channel and dance, and that’s what is seeing us by way of.

Technique to the insanity

By Nilanjana Javed, Digital Content material Editor

It has been greater than six weeks now since distant studying began and kids are experiencing an entire new idea of being schooled from residence.

The enforced time at residence will be bittersweet. My son, who’s in yr eight and my daughter in yr 4, run a good schedule. They begin their college day at 9am and finish at 2pm with common breaks.

We attempt to preserve a routine in order that it’s simpler for them as nicely.

Throughout traditional college days they get up by 6am to attend their morning video games and actions however now their habits have modified fairly a bit. They get up precisely 10 minutes earlier than the class begins!

Some days are actually lazy and so they log in from their beds earlier than slowly struggling to get on to their research desk. I see they’ve change into lazy.

They do attempt to sustain with their college schedule, finishing one exercise after one other, however on some days there’s an excessive amount of display screen time what with on-line tutoring, and use of tablets and telephones. With social distancing changing into a norm over the weekend they join with their pals nearly to play on-line video games or generally even to speak. We do play indoor video games as a household collectively after which there’s supper time and story studying earlier than going to mattress.

Throughout colleges days my son who loves his sports activities and performs cricket and swims for his college and golf equipment would return residence after taking his lesssons at 8pm. Exhausted, he would go to mattress. With homeschooling he’s attempting to make use of the further time for productive issues like studying find out how to cook dinner. We even lately purchased desk tennis gear simply to divert his thoughts.

Nevertheless, I’ve observed that the siblings do have their honest share of fights and get moody generally.

Like many dad and mom I’m frightened about the “psychological and emotional health” of my youngsters.

My son feels with elevated class assignments, it’s more durable to ask questions since there’s no method to nearly increase your hand. It’s more durable for them to focus at residence as there’s nobody to self-discipline them.

– Nilanjana G. Javed, Digital Content material Editor

For us as dad and mom, working from residence and supporting their schoolwork will not be straightforward as we now have our personal deadlines.

Each of them now all of the sudden miss their lecturers need again their college environmemt.

I assume they’ve had an overdose of parenting.

My daughter acquired very emotional when her classed wished her Joyful Birthday on google hang around and he or she was not in a position to hug her lady gang.

I hope all of us again to our nomal life quickly.

Beginning to really feel the pressure

By Omar Shariff, Worldwide Editor

E-learning, adopted by homework, and quite a lot of hours on PlayStation. That, give or take, is the each day routine of my first two youngsters. The stay-at-home coverage is the solely method to beat the pandemic till a vaccine is developed. However there isn’t a denying that it’s taking a toll on individuals’s psychological and bodily well-being, particularly of kids.

General, the boys, Faisal, 13, and Farhan, 10, are holding up remarkably nicely, contemplating that they’ve been locked inside the home longer than their dad and mom. They haven’t stepped out of the constructing entrance for greater than 45 days. Nevertheless, the pent-up youthful power, which is often let off in the college playground or the constructing pool or the neighbourhood park, is usually being channelled into hitherto uncommon bodily tussles amongst themselves and erratic behaviour. Their main stress-reliever is their child brother Fahad, 1, who’s blissfully unaware of the insidious pandemic that’s turning the world the wrong way up.

Trendy communications expertise has made stay-at-home immeasurably extra bearable. Think about our scenario if the coronavirus had hit the globe even 20 years earlier! The E-learning platform has enabled youngsters to proceed their education. However it’s a poor substitute for the classroom.

– Omar Shariff, Worldwide Editor

Even earlier than I log in to begin work each morning, the children are up, with their newly-acquired tablets, signed into Microsoft Groups. The elder one is sort of unbiased, good with expertise and never simply distracted. The second appears to not take this e-learning course of severely. His manner is that of somebody for whom the trip continues to be on, albeit with the inconvenience of constructing an look in entrance of the trainer every day for a number of hours. However he’s receptive after we remind him that, for the foreseeable future, that is college.

In the debate about the dramatic adjustments the coronavirus outbreak has delivered to the each day lives of billions round the world, the problem of kids has been given reduce prominence than it deserves. Maybe it is because of the notion that the pandemic primarily impacts adults, each when it comes to an infection and the financial injury it’s inflicting.

Sleepless nights

By Sara Al Shurafa, Senior Information Editor

Locked inside the home for two-and-a-half months, my youngster is getting increasingly more tense.

It has flipped her world the wrong way up.

She is afraid of one thing that she is aware of can harm her family members, however her little mind doesn’t perceive what this “virus” is.

She began waking up in the evening, scared, and won’t return to sleep till I lie down together with her. My pal’s son went again to wetting his mattress.

These youngsters have regressed, that’s how they’re reacting to the uncertainties round them.

House education can be including to these uncertainties.

Right this moment, I’d have most well-liked to have informed my daughter that summer time trip began two months early somewhat than take her by way of digital studying.

She is unsure and it doesn’t matter what I’ll say, she continues to be confused. Is that this college, are these my pals? After 4 weeks of distant studying she is dropping curiosity. This week my daughter didn’t take note of a phrase her trainer stated, I attempted all the pieces I may consider, however she wouldn’t be engaged. After I was chatting with the father of one other youngster about the trials of homework, he stated his daughter was going by way of the same lack of curiosity.

They’re 4 years outdated, how lengthy are you able to anticipate them to stay whereas sitting in entrance of a display screen? They’re imagined to be experimenting and exploring, constructing their motor expertise and creating their cognitive expertise… in different phrases, being bodily current and lively.

– Sara Al Shurafa, Senior Information Editor

It turns into worse when my daughter doesn’t perceive a lesson on Zoom, she turns into offended and pissed off and it takes one other day or two to get her re-acquainted with the course of.

Some days she wakes up offended, screams and shouts at all the pieces. She refuses to do issues that she as soon as did fortunately. Consuming, showering and taking part in have all grew to become triggers for her tantrums.

My newest ordeal, for previous week now, is her insomnia. She is stuffed with power and regardless of how a lot I push her mattress time, she cries herself to sleep each evening, saying, ‘but am not tired’. All evening she’s going to twist and switch; my daughter will not be getting deep sleep as a result of her physique will not be drained.

My pal’s son is the similar and he or she has began to present him some homeopathy medicines. I’m beginning to assume I’ll go down that path, too, particularly since I’m drained and I would like a whole evening of sleep.

The opposite irritating half for me is that we missed the good climate, and now we are going to most likely spend most our summer time in the home too.

Wrestling will get us by way of it

By Seyyed Llata, Senior Designer

I’ve heard many individuals are fighting the quarantine, but at residence, we’ve had fairly an excellent time. I do know it comes with a privileged place, our place is large and we now have issues that make quarantine simpler.

My sons’ age hole additionally performs to our benefit, as the eldest is already an grownup, 22 years outdated, and the youngest is simply seven.

Our formulation has been a primary of cooking and consuming collectively, PS4, conversations and, consider it or not, a each day session of “Lucha Libre”, Mexican wrestling.

The day begins with breakfast and faculty for the youngest, and work for me and the eldest, we take intermittent Ps breaks throughout the day, so till 2pm we’re fairly busy.

Then we determine what to eat, and that could be a nice time, as a result of I hardly ever have the likelihood for lunch with them, and to spoil them with some good do-it-yourself meals.

At lunch, we take our time and we TALK, I’ve the rule of no devices at the desk, so we are able to handle feelings, occasions, tales, jokes, and tales.

– Seyyed Llata

After lunch, it is a little more work for me and Ps been a lifesaver, I can’t emphasise sufficient that getting good video games is an funding for everyone’s psychological well being, and if you need the much less attainable fights, get video games that may be performed in multiplayer mode, ask your children, they are going to know what which means.

Fights can occur with the healthiest and extra loving individuals for those who lock them down collectively for an extended time frame, however as head of the household it’s your accountability to stay calm, and speak in the similar style.

Afternoon snacks come helpful, to interrupt tensions, and speak as soon as extra, hear their pursuits and considerations, your youngsters have these at any age, pay attention rigorously.

And at last, when the night comes, we put on Mexican Wrestlers masks and we blow some steam at the lounge, ‘boys will always be boys’ will not be a misguided assertion, we “fight” till all that amassed power goes away, is a method of very shut bonding and I do advocate it as remedy for all ages and gender, after all with excessive warning.

All the time see the constructive facet

By Alex Abraham, Senior Affiliate Editor

It’s been greater than a month since my son and I’ve been sitting throughout the eating desk for at the very least eight hours every single day, because of the efforts in place to beat the coronavirus. We agreed on this place in order that I may hold a watch out on the teenager who will, hopefully, write his Grade 10 board exams subsequent yr. I’ve all the time believed that parental regulation and oversight is a should for all youngsters with digital devices.

There’s lots to check nowadays. And after his common hours of interplay with the lecturers and college students at school through Microsoft Groups, there are tuition lessons for maths and science through the Zoom app.

Unable to exit to play or meet up with pals, my son has now accepted the proven fact that that is actuality. Gone are the days when he would ask me if he may go down to satisfy his pals for a couple of minutes or accompany me to the grocery store. His closest pal is the iPad with which he spends most of his waking day. Even over the weekends, there are not any requests to exit to the mall. A few hours in entrance of the tv is the solely supply of leisure. I assume my son is sufficiently old to know the seriousness of the scenario.

There are common conversations over the eating desk – of what’s occurring round the world, at school and the way we have to handle our well being.

– Alex Abraham, Senior Affiliate Editor

Nevertheless, regardless of common encouragement to undertake some type of train at residence, this isn’t happening. With out having to get able to catch the college bus at 6.45am, and journey to and from college, I’ve observed a way of lethargy creeping in. I’m uneasy considering of my son’s bodily health in September when he’s anticipated to get again to high school.

On the constructive facet, as a household we’re in a position to spend far more time collectively, now that I, too, am working from residence.

I’ll get pleasure from this whereas it lasts.

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