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meimeikyu · 9 months

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MASSIVE INFODUMP ABOUT THE CQ TRIO (Fresh, Geno, and Error) UNDER THE CUT!

i love them sm (some stuff might be wrong this is all from memory)

okay so the cq trio is 3 sanses that i adore to the maxium. CQ stands for Crayon Queen, who was the one who created all three! cq trio gets its nickname mainly from her, but i also call them that because of a fancomic called mcq (momma cq) that had them all as brothers, since they are all from the same creator. Fresh was the first to be made iirc, and he was created as a random one on a stream cq did. His nickname is also 90s piece of trash! He is not technically a sans, just a parasite that possesses other monsters, though it prefers skeletons bcs he can crawl thru their sockets, so they are easier to posses (this also allows for so many fusions of fresh and others, like fresh ink! who i hate (lovingly). Geno n error are the other 2, and are entirely linked. Geno was a classic sans who went through a ton of genocide runs, and in tryinf to stop them injected himself with determination ( which is. very bad for monsters.) he basically starts melting and gets killed again but. is able to use a save star to enter the save screen. freezing him in time so hes stuck between dying and not. He has an entire comic (search up aftertale if u wanna read ut which i highly recommend i love it sm) but he basically has 3 main outcomes; the common one in fanon but also in canon ending, where hes stuck in the save screen forever, the good ending which is the comics canon end, where he escapes the savescreen without dying and gets to live on the surface eith the rest of the undertale cast. and the half official canon ending? (i say half bcs it was never fully realized but. was confirmed to be going to happen by cq) where he does escape to the surface but messes around with his determination, accidently sending himself to the antivoid, where he glitches out, which wipes out his entire memory. WHICH BRINGS US THE 3RD BOY AND MY FAV FOR THE LONGEST (jazz hands),,,,, ERROR!!!!

Although his comic was never finished, cq confirmed he was intended to be geno in the past, though he doesnt remember it! He lives in the save screen and answes the voices (tumblr blog asks) to talk! hes. kinda insane but in a silly way! and is the self proclaimed destroyer of worlds! who assigned him this job? why, himself of coarse! and he is providing the multiverse with a great love by doing this (no he is not). hes self centered, has really bad mood swings, sees and hears things others cant (though they are real, others just cant see them), dissociates whenever he talks on certain things, and is overall! not okay! i love him so fucking much holy shit. so he has his own tumblr ask thing (which theres like an hour long dub on yt if u wanna watch it) but basically what it mostly shows is, he loves chocolate (he eats it with the wrapper on. he also has. 6 tongues? iirc) he also loves puppets! and makes puppets of different au sanses! and talks to them as if they are. people. mayber they are! idk! although he destroys aus he has a soft spot for 2, outertale because he loves the space and the stars, and undernovela, his favourite spanish soap opera au! (he does not speak spanish. nore does he get subtitles. hes quite literally stalking these people through portals and calling it a show.) he also has magic strings! which he uses to take the human souls from aus he destroys so they cant reset. he didnt always have them though :)

but he doesnt remember that! hes so so silly i lvoe him so much.

oh also he kidnapped and underswap sans and forced him to stay in the antivoid and the blue, kinda started to befriend him? but uh. he mad error mad so error left him alone in the void until blue started to glitch and hear the voices as well. though he still cant see the random tumblr blogger error left tied up in the antivoid, so who knows if thats real. but enough about blue!!! we jsut love the silly man error!!!!!!!

so blue tried to teavh him how to knit while they were in the antivoid, but erros really bad at it,, like really really reallyyyyy bad at it. and he despises it. but!!! its how they start bonding!!! he also loves loves loves to rob underfell because they have amazing spicy chocolate. he also just enjoys fucking with this one underfell sans by stealing his stuff and using his au as a trash dump! said sans is not aware of this and is confused about who tf is stealing his stuff and throwing trash at him. MORE FUN ERROR FACTS!!!! He also is very near sighted (like me :3) and has glasses tho he doesnt wear them much but hes so cute in them!! he also physically glitches out like a computer when stressed or emotion or just. sometimes- and his eyes get covered by errors meanign he can't see at all, during that he liked to play one man blind cats cradle! he also if he gets too stressed or glitched he will literally crashed and have to reboot- he also has haphephobia (fear of touch) n does not like being touched a lot or without warning, it makes him all glitchy as well! hes also a massive hypocrite constantly and is genuinely just. insane- but in a silly way!!!! its also heavily implied that his puppets are. the dead souls of ppl from aus, minus his sans classic, he doesnt destroy classic (aka undertale) timelines bcs its the original! but he calls the rest abominations (like underfell is abomination #13). its heavily implied bcs he called the blue he kidnapped (thats still alive. for now-) abomination #11 ! he also talked to his puppets like they are other people although he voices them- he also uses portals in a way to show past events to show his memories(?)(they are his memories but he. doesnt remember them. if that makes sense.) ALSO WITH HIS STRINGS!! IF HE GRABS THE SOULS OF LIVING BEINGS (LIKE BLUE) HE CAN PUPPETEER THEM AND USE THEIR BODY AND MAGIC TO ATTACK! WHICH IS. TERRIFYING!! Hes also like. deathly afraid of Fresh n despises him with his whole soul

i love the man baby so much

infodump over

#my massive infodump to a fren about the cq trio #can u tell whos my fav #hint #man baby #error sans #geno sans #fresh sans #crayon queen #infodump #undertale au #cqtrio #infodumping

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fereldanwench · 2 months

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so i finished my rewatch of s1-s3 and new watch of s4-s7 of the 100 aaanddd i wanna ramble

spoilers and, from what i've gathered, unpopular opinions under the cut lmao

i watched the first three seasons in 2015-16, iirc (binged s1 and s2 on netflix; watched s3 as it aired)--i remember losing interest towards the end of s3 so i wasn't super hyped about s4 and just kinda forgot about it. on rewatch, i was also getting bored with s3, lmao. it starts off pretty strong, and the end revelation is a banger, but the last 4 eps or so just draaaggggg

i really liked seasons 4 and 5, though, with one big exception: giving clarke a daughter-figure to go all mama bear over was quite possibly one of the most obnoxious character development choices they could have given her

clarke in general is kind of a frustrating character for me because on one hand, i fuckin love a female character who does awful things for what she believes are good reasons, and that is clarke 100%

but in spite of that awesome set up, she manages to be so fucking boring

i think a lot of it is the actress' performance, tbh--the acting on the show overall generally isn't anything spectacular, but i find her particularly bad. i cant quite pinpoint my gripes, i just find her very bland

and given that the show is basically one extended trolley problem and there are dozens of characters who are also constantly put in the position of making the most difficult decisions in the universe, that just isn't enough to make her compelling

i found myself really drawn to echo in the later seasons because i am predictable af and i love a character who is loyal to a fault and bases their entire identity off being a loyal follower. i do feel like the relationship with bellamy was a little shoehorned, though. like i see the enemies to lovers potential there, but i think having most of that transition happen off-screen took all the fun from it

and i was stunned when i went looking for echo gifs to find out that most people hate her but love clarke apparently, lmao. hard opposite

s5 also delved into one of my favorite dark apocalypse tropes: what will push people to become cannibals to survive? it's always been a morbid fascination and i wasn't expecting them to get as fucked up with it as they did, but it was compelling shit

s6 had interesting elements to it--the worldbuilding/lore i think is part of the reason i got so sucked into the show, and seeing how becca's influence managed to reach a whole other planet was cool. i also liked the personality chip stuff bc it gave me ideas for valerie, haha. i also liked russel as an antagonist--love a very polite and calm villain being pushed to their limits

but i could see it was starting to lead into a setup for a whole metaphysical aspect to everything that had happened, and i just really don't like that shit

oh, also, kane and abby were my absolute favorite couple and i'm very sad they didn't get their HEA

so s7 was very meh to me. lovedlovedloved echo, dioyza, octavia, and hope getting to be badasses together, but that's about it. the transcendentalist shit was so fucking tedious, and bellamy got done dirty. and i've found myself overly fixated on the logistics of the "finalkru" situation with clarke and her buddies living on earth for the rest of their lives with no hopes of procreation or extending the human race

like at some point there's just gonna be one person remaining, right? and they have to spend their remaining days all alone? unless they do some kind of death pact? or how exactly do the transcendents ensure there are no babies? can the humans undo this? like what if they clone themselves or do in vitro fertilization? i have questions!!!

i don't mind a story ending with unanswered questions--i even really like that sometimes--but ending with a bunch of new unanswered questions is annoying lmao

plus i find the premise of finalkru surviving and maybe trying to figure out a way to continue the human race to be more interesting than 87% of the plot of s7

also two of the big themes throughout the show was never giving up hope and always seeking to rediscover their humanity after doing horrible shit--i just don't feel like this ending really tied those motifs up in a satisfying way. 99.9% of the human population no longer experiencing pain because they basically don't exist anymore feels less like a reward for Good Behavior and more... idk, just unsettling to me.

i mean, it's basically sci-fi rapture, and the whole idea of the rapture always freaked me out too lmao

i know the show is based on books, which i haven't read and don't plan to, so maybe some of this would be better explained there, but i've also seen commentary that it deviates a lot from the novels so who knows

anyway, i do like the show overall. there's a lot of juicy stuff here, but very weak ending. reminded me a bit of how i felt watching lost, actually, although not as egregious

#t: wench watches stuff #shows: the 100

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jokeson-u · 2 years

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here is my rant/review on the movie bros so spoilers below the cut

look. i didnt hate it. it was funny. but most the laugh out loud funny parts were in the trailer, and werent as funny in the context of the actual scenes somehow. there were still definitely really funny moments outside of that but idk i was expecting more. also billy eichners character bobby was funny and all but god i hate people like that (which was awkward cus i have my sister next me whispering about how much she relates LMAO).

but in terms of my more serious issues with it.

1. there was several graphic sex scenes and i guess 1 was kinda of good to keep, but the others were sooo unnecessary imo. like 1 was funny ig but 1 was just like ... ok.. anyways.. and listen. listen. i understand especially from the opening scene and the rest of the movie basically that part of the point is gay people should havent to make themselves more palatable for straight society but my GOD i have never seen a straight romcom that explicit and idk about u guys but it seemed to be marketed as a more or less family friendly movie. like a take ur parents to it bc we're trying to normalize gay people in mainstream romcoms, ya know?? no. NO. do not bring ur parents. and i guess i sound like an asshole about that because yea queers shouldnt be marketable to hets but idk man.. its just so not a good introduction to normalizing big screen lgbtq+ movies like this bc as a queer person i was uncomfortable and id imagine the straights even more so and YES I KNOW WE SHOULDNT CARE but we cant be like 'see gay romcoms are for everyone!' and shove unnecessary and uncomfortably explicit sex scenes that dont belong in any movie esp one thats marketed the way it was.

2. i was actually sort of confused because i thought one of the main themes in the story was that the mc bobby was like. overly 'woke' i guess and really critical of everything, mostly from an lgbtq perspective. then there was the love interest aaron who thought bobby was really overly cynical. there was multiple instances in the movie where bobby would kind of ruin the mood by complaining about how something is homophobic in some way or another, and aaron or another character would kinda be like ..... and . i really thought one the things we were supposed to be following was how aaron helps bobby balance his views more. but. that never happens. like, we get more explanation on why bobby feels he has to be critical about stuff but like he just continues to basically be a buzzkill about shit and aaron just has to accept it and idk. i feel like the rest of the direction was really weird if the point wasnt bobby becoming a little more leveled??

3. ok so. this was one of my bigger issues i guess. i need to give some plot background: bobby and aaron agreed to 'not date' but basically end up dating for a while. aarons family comes to the city for christmas and bobby is gonna meet them and aaron asks him to just sort of be a little chill with them bc theyre accepting and all but yk. theyre his parent and bobby is really intense about stuff. bobby doesnt really take kindly to that even tho he acts to aaron like he gets it, and basically like. brings the family on a tour for the city and talks about the craziest shit like "oh this is where the first sex something something idk happened" "this is where the dyke march happened" stuff like that and aaron gets pissed at him and is like dude can u please just tone it down and bobbys like "what u want me to be less myself with them?" and aaron is like "?! kind of rn yes." and bobbys like ok fine. and they go to dinner and bobby gets into an argument with the mom who is a 2nd grade teacher about teaching lgbt stuff to kids that young and everytime they agree to disagree he keeps going and then goes on a tangent about sex positivity being important to children and how when he was a kid and his parents took him to some show where there was naked men and he literally just kept talking about their penises and how many penises he saw and oh my god. after the night ended aaron was pissed at him and bobby got so mad and was saying how aaron is just like everyone in his life whos tried to make him hide who he is and stuff. aaron tells him hes leaving to meet w a guy whos into him. bobby finds them making out which yes was wrong of aaron but technically they were both making a big deal from the get go that they werent relationship people and stuff. the rest of that half of the movie for aaron is basically having to make it up to bobby and apologize for making him hide himself??? and the only time bobby apologizes is after aaron has to again and again and says he felt bobby was talking about all that stuff to his parents on purpose and bobby said "i was. im sorry for that." THAT WAS HIS APOLOGY??? Im sorry but like yes be urself and if aaron loves how intense u are somehow great but theres a fucking time and place. dont fucking cross ur parnters boundries bc u didnt communicate ur issues with them, especially when it isnt that hard of a boundry to not cross. i just really disliked the framing of it. sorry but yea if my partner was really inappropriate or excessive about complaints about straight people and was meeting my parents i WOULD ask them to be chill and id fucking hope they wouldnt jeaprodize my relationship with either them or my parents by being like 'well i wanna say whatever i wanna say to anyone i want so i dont care if my partner is uncomfortable with these topics in front of this audience.' like even aarons brother finds out and is like dude u gotta make it up to him. what????? that shit really bothered me as someone who has been in scenarios similar to that with my friends

#bros #bros movie #bros 2022 #personal #rant

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Hidden Powers

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Abuse allegations, Swearing, Mild melancholy

Genre: Humor, SLIGHT Angst, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic) - Sorry the genres are all over the place

Summary: A misconception or misunderstanding turned rumor threatens to bring down Corpse’s entire career, but luckily, Y/N knows better than to stand aside and let it happen.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request and I’m so sorry for the long wait but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the fic if you happen to come across it. Love, Vy ❤

“Fuck this game!“ Y/N yells out in frustration as she is met with the screen informing her of her failure - aka death - for the fifth time in the past hour. “Has anyone ever even passed night four? I’m sure the king of FNAF Markiplier has but I’m also sure he hasn’t done it one a livestream! And my big mouth really had to go ahead and swear not to end this stream until I pass this God forsaken night, ughhh!“

Typically, Y/N’s quite the fearful rat when playing horror games, especially when home alone like right now, but this FNAF game has gradually turned her into a raging gamer instead. Not raging as in kicking ass at the game but as in the game kicking the ass of her sanity. She’s been struggling with this specific night for a while - the better half of her previous stream and an hour into today’s. Well, seeing how little progress she’s making with each try, it’s gonna be way more than an hour into today’s livestream as well. She’ll be lucky if she manages to get past it before hitting the three hour mark or just rage quitting which she’s bound to do eventually if her gameplay keeps going at this rate.

Another try later, she’s once again jumpscared into a failure screen that’s practically mocking her at this point. Throwing her arms above her head, Y/N sighs heavily, the frustration she’s harboring becoming more and more evident in her body language. “You know what, I need a break. Lemme see what you guys are saying in the chat.”

Scrolling through comments upon comments greeting her, sending her compliments and some trolling her with some hateful remarks she comes across a question which makes her brows furrow. That same question is repeated by a few other people but they fly by so quickly she doesn’t manage to catch the people’s usernames.

“A bruise on my arm? Where?“ She says out loud as she inspects both her arms, looking for what her chat had been talking about. That’s when her eyes eyes land on the purple mark on the skin just above her right elbow. She laughs, “Oh this? I know I’m a clumsy person but Corpse is to blame for this one.“

Little does the girl know, her boyfriend, who’s currently in his own apartment instead of camping out at hers, is watching this very stream, laughing his ass off remembering how that bruise came to be.

His laughter is cut short though when he catches glimpse of Y/N’s chat which suddenly floods with concern from her fans - assumptions and allegations of him being an abusive boyfriend starting to pollute the previously cheerful comment section. His stomach turns, for many reasons, each reason making it tighten in a worse and more painful knot.

The first blow comes from people actually coming up with such a thing. How could they even allow their minds to wander to such a dark and disgusting place where he’d be even remotely an abuser.

The second blow to his heart is delivered by the fact that people believed it. How and why could people believe such an absurd idea?! How low did these people think of him? What kind of piece of shit did he come off as to some people?

And the third is the mental image the idea gives him. It’s such a fucked up scene, he can’t even conjure it up, he can’t mentally picture it. Hell, he could and would never even raise his voice at Y/N. He’d never dare upset her or hurt her feelings let alone hurt her....like that!

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!“ Y/N’s gasp reaches him as though it was meant to fish him out of the downward spiral he started going down with these overwhelmingly dark thoughts, “What’s with this nonsense some of y’all are spewing in the chat?!“ She sounds downright angry and irritated, ready to fight whoever will continue spreading these rumors about her lovely boyfriend whom she absolutely adores. “Guys, I mean, seriously?! Do you have any idea what you’re talking about and WHO you’re talking about? Do we have the same Corpse in mind here? I doubt we do - you have some villainized, abusive version, and I have the loving boyfriend who tried to teach me how to handle a lightsaber so we can have a lightsaber fight and my dumbass used my own weapon against me. Yeah, I was pretty salty Corpse laughed his heart out while I was cringing in pain, but man, you guys take it farther than the farthest.“ Seeing his sweet, kind and non-confrontational girlfriend who always avoids conflict at all costs turn into this protective lioness because someone is talking shit about him is heartwarming and scary at the same time. “Y’all better shut the hole where these fucked up rumors surfaced from before you get one of the most innocent, loving and caring individuals in hot water for the BS you came up with! Copy? You better.“

Corpse has never in his entire life seen the topic of a stream chat change so quickly, the rumor never once getting brought up again.

That’s some serious power right there - power he never knew Y/N possessed because of her cute and soft exterior. Now he knows what kinda beast of a woman he’s dating - one prepared to do anything to protect him, no matter who from. And damn does that make him feel emotional and loved despite the shit that just happened. She can make him forget all the bad within the blink of an eye - that too is another superpower of hers, but this one he’s known about from the very start.

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse @sunnyrae-cessh @ladykxxx08 @meowiemari @renupf @booklover76 @sra-verissimo

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lucidpantone · 3 years

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I prefer anon if you don't mind, I avoided to talk on it because I hated how dramatic the tag got, so annoying...but now it's all over, I don't think it matters that much...

So...I remember like you said Moyo was on that fight scene and I believe the fight was for the same reason we got on s5.

I also remember that the b squad was different as what we got, there was 1 or 2 of them we got on s5 that we didn't got on s4og and we got a Bel Mikael he's an actor that now is gonna play on Panna.

They filmed some kind of reunion/party but was something unplanned as in the boys were skating, the b squad was gonna play football and g squad got there because of Yasmina talking to Elias or something like that and all that was on a park. I remember Sander got there and was an akward moment between him and b squad and Sobbe but they got away after that, didn't seem like there was drama there.

There was a scene where it seems like Robbe was talking with Bel! Mikael (Or who I assumed was Bel Mikael) and he seemed kinda annoyed until Yasmina got there.

I assumed this person was Bel Mikael because he was part of the B squad and he seemed to get along with Bel Yousef very well, what is interesting here is that it also seemed like Sander was ok as like kinda friends (like something as how he is with the boy squad and Senne) with the b squad specially Bel Mikael and Yousef.

Moyo also seemed more closed to Sobbe they were kinda joking all 3 more often.

Sander got uni friends I never saw them but Moyo mentioned something around that.

Sander got bleach hair still and he was doing some kind of uni painting proyect why is that relevant? Don't know hahaha

Zoë and Senne get into a little fight nothing dramatic actually all the contrary but is not because of Yousef don't know why...

At some point it seems like muslim squad was getting along with blond ambition and the girl and b squad really good...

Sobbe kissing interrupt scene was interrupted by the b squad and Yasmina if what I saw was that actual scene.

Sobbe and Zoenne seem to be doing great honestly also Amber and Aaron seemed super in love and Jens plus Jana were mentioned but I never saw them film together.

It also felt like they were filming extra plots at the beginning and quick to later focus on Yasmina so any of all of this Im saying was probably gonna get too much screen time.

NOW this is all what I saw plus assumptions on my part so I could be all wrong on what was actually happening.

ok so I got told that sobbe kissing scene may have been filmed but luca wasnt the one to catch them like in s5. So its nice to know it was yasmina and the bsquad. Ohhhh i am sad hearing all this sobbe stuff sounds so cute and Sander was gonna get uni friends (finally....) but nevermind its done now. Cant cry over spilled milk. Thanks for telling us anon I guess we can imagine it in our heads now. Also when you say the muslim squad you mean the muslin girl squad got along with blonde ambition? So the girls did film in s4? I know they got cut in s5 but they did film one scene or they were seen at least once filming. Also question anon how do you feel about the season we got and do you want a newgen from wtfock?

#wtfock #original s4 deets

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andsmile · 3 years

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you probably have realized this but the way teen dramas treat latinas is so aggravating like theresa in the oc and anna in one tree hill (bi storyline included) were always treated (even veronica if we go by b*rchies reasoning) as an obstacle for the main guy to reunite with the main white girl or they just didn't exist. The treatment of veronica is worse cause she's one of the mains and idk i just cant see my favorite character be embarrassed by the guy who's supposed to be in love w/ her 😭😭

as a latina myself, i have realized it. i have spoken up about it several times whenever i get asked questions about why can’t i give b*rchie a chance or why i dislike b*rchie so much and i’ve had several people calling me out for saying what i said, that people should be able to ship whatever they ship without me saying they’re sexist or racist/xenophobe, but i still think that shipping ba in the context of riverdale and supporting the ~narrative~ their fandom supports is the ultimate fuck you for the portrait of a prominent latina character in the media. a character who was originally white and was turned into a latina only for her family to be criminalized, no other.

a lot more under the cut!

the other day me, @monica-posh (who’s black) and @archiercnnies (who’s another latina like me) had a very interesting conversation over representation and how we are always bound to be represented in the media by characters who are poorly written in an already poorly written show, “bitches”, “strong women that need no man”, or doormats who are always apologizing for stuff they sometimes never even did, or forgiving white characters for horrible stuff they have done without even getting a proper apology from the ones who wronged them. the short end of the stick gets shorter and shorter the darker the character’s skin is.

the oc and one tree hill were shows written in the early 00′s. i know this shouldn’t be an excuse, but it kinda is, considering how much the world evolved with the representation discourse since then. however, riverdale is from a very decade in a very different world and it was beautiful to see what a diverse cast they really were, until you actually watch it and realize how they write it. all pocs on riverdale at some point are turned into villains or antagonists to the three white straight mains. even veronica and her family have antagonized bh before. they are all written off without an explanation, killed, or given minor storylines that are carelessly written and forgotten.

granted, the ‘big bads’ have all been white so far... except hiram. whose main purpose is to be a mexican man who terrorizes the little perfect american town. and the mexican man’s daughter is the one who archie falls for interrupting the white boy-and-girl-next-door dream of being together. a daughter of immigrants is the problem of the little american town. i couldn’t make that shit up.

there’s the problem of the writing room, too. i googled and searched and i think even though ras is a latinx man, most of the other writers are white. and men. and it’s only getting whiter and more manly as the seasons progress. how can these writers ever stop and think wait, i am doing this and that and putting this latinx character in an embarrassing position? no, they don’t think that, they don’t think omg i am making two white kids embarrass a latinx girl, they think omg DRAMA. they can’t see it because it doesn’t affect them. we don’t have to go so far: if you ask a man reviewer what they want to happen to x couple in s5, they’ll say they want the girl to pine for the guy. if you ask a woman reviewer, they’ll say the contrary.

there’s a huge distance between the writers - white men - and me, a white latina woman. there’s an even bigger distance between the writers and the black girl. or the black trans person. etc. etc. and they don’t know how to write for us, because they don’t care. vanessa morgan had to speak out in public and jeopardize her job so she could see some alleged change happening. things are still changing. people are still trying to understand, from the top to bottom.

one thing that attracted me in riverdale and in varchie, specifically, is how archie was always choosing veronica and putting her first, despite her not being the girl-next-door. i have never seen on screen the narrative that the bas tried to conjure that she was only an obstacle, and i still don’t. i am always very upset with how veronica (and the lodges in general) is written and how they can’t even give her an original storyline that doesn’t revolve around her father, but i never thought this applied to archie and veronica and i still think it doesn’t. yes, it’s a very stupid writing choice that these writers took by making her sing a song that he’s written for her best friend in front of them? it is. but at the same time, i do not think this is what makes her an obstacle on their road or on his road to betty. i don’t think this is what the writers are trying to tell us, i really don’t, and i might be very disappointed about it in the end of it all, but the reason why they have veronica going through all this shit is because they don’t even realize how much it makes them look like they hate her. it’s just how they see them, as a latinx character: passionate! dramatic! artistic! dangerous! femme fatale! it fits her!

it’s a sad thing, really, this storyline. but i don’t think archie has ever pretended to be in love with her or was written to do so. and this belief makes me hold on to varchie in canon for sure. they will give them all the dramatic! passionate! fire! storylines and they will have them overcome their obstacles, and i much more would love watching them painting a wall then her needing the help of a white man to save her from yet another white man, but all the racist/xenophobe subtext here is something the writers (and even cami!) might not even realize, tbh.

(other things to think about: why did they have to make jughead not-poor so he could be in an established relationship with betty? why do fans want both jughead and archie to fight for/save betty but no one wants anyone fighting for/saving veronica? why couldn’t they write veggie as a compelling love story instead of whatever that was? etc etc etc.)

#rd negativity #re: veronica #re: varchie #anti barchie #anon #reply #just to be clear i know cami is white passing #so i'm using white vs latinx here for semantics because it's easier #thanks

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msiopao · 4 years

Text

Nobi with the Members

WORLDWIDE HANDSOME

‘eomma!!!’

one yell from her and jin’s running in with a spatula, ready to beat the kids

thinks a lot of her outfits are revealing but gave up after nobi told him to stop complaining to the stylists

cooking buddies

feeds into jin’s ego at being handsome

‘kim seokjin? no. art? yes.’

babies nobi TOO much

even though she’s literally 24, he still treats her like she’s 12

thinks she can do no wrong and sees her as an angel

but nobi is such a bad influence

‘my hair is bothering my eyes and it makes me want to just cut if off’

*nobi handing him scissors* ‘do it’

constantly telling him that his dancing is perfect bc jin is insecure about the lack of his ability :(

even though he’s a better dancer than most

nobi tries to get him riled up so he talks all weird

the one who is actually genuinely tickled with jin’s jokes

eatjin’s legendary moments always have jin and nobi in it

goes to his hotel room just because he always has food and jin doesn’t have it in him to refuse her

the one who nags nobi the most regarding her eating

just her mom periodt

TONGUE TECHNOLOGY

gets hyper when nobi messes around

incredibly and ridiculously protective of her

helps her go through rough times as her therapist

yoongi mumbles under his breath and nobi is usually the only one who hears and will laugh as he curses someone quietly

nobi’s sense of humor is the closest with his

nap times are their bonding times

also composing

army always amazed bc nobi is the only who gets yoongi on crack mode

nobi always pinches his cheeks and she shrieks when he does that cute awkward smile

nobi absolutely flipped out when yoongi got really sick

always seeks yoongi’s approval so he’s the first one to see her lyrics

doesnt beat around the bush w it

if its bad, needs improvement

if its good, its the BEST LYRICS HES EVER READ

nobi hides her feelings well and he’s the only one who can get her to open up

during bst era, she hit her lowest

yoongi got very concerned and when she did finally talk, his heart just broke in half

she hates the fact that she can’t be the daughter her parents wanted

she hates the fact that she’s weak and breaks down easily

she hates the fact that she’s seen as a whore because she’s surrounded by boys she calls her brothers 24/7

she hates the fact that everything about her is considered wrong

that talk got them really close and yoongi makes it mission everyday to see her genuine and pretty smile

he lives for her happiness

uwu

HOBI

‘WELCOME TO THE HOBI NOBI SHOW!’

puppies

nobi hugs him a lot

whenever he dances, nobi has this look in her eyes that looks like hobi is the stars and the universe

both of them are the ones who keep the group’s mood up and tries to prevent fights

even when they’re tired from practice, they still smile and yells ‘hwaiting!’

while hobi is just a moodmaker in general,

nobi does it bc she hates confrontation and gets uncomfortable so she just blurts it out

nobi’s also a dancer so her and hobi dance ALL THE TIME

vlives w them are always filled with laughter and teasing

‘everyone, nobi just fell after hitting that spin’

‘YAH! NO I DIDNT!’

hobi is known to be a choroegrapher and nobi puts her input here and there and boom!

tbh idk why they even have a professional choreographer in the first place

hobi is a trained singer so nobi asks him to sing for her constantly

hes happy to oblige

armys live for the moments of them in run bts or vlives bc they have this vibe or bond that is just something you wished you had

JOONIE-HYUNG!

‘NOBI WATCH OUT!’

they’re the philosophical duo

nobi loves poetry and literature in general bc she tends to think really deeply

their bonding time is those deep talks

as their leader, nobi goes to him for confirmation or approval for a lot of things

she’s always having english lessons w him and he tries his best to teach her so she could speak to int-army

bts calls them the clumsiest bc of joon’s usual clumsiness but nobi is always looking out for him so she doesnt pay attention to her surroundings and runs into something too

she loves his studio and hangs out the most even though joon’s always telling her to stay away

props up her feet on that fortune dollar table of his

when he speaks english in interviews, she watches him with a smile on her face

her dad

pats her head when she walks over to him

her and jimin crashes his vlives all the time

there’s nothing in the world that changes the way she sees joonie

to her, she’ll always be the joonie who welcomed her to their group even though she was a brat at first

thats another story for next time

now she respects him so much and he’s probably the one she looks up to the most

overall, she idolizes him and talks about him like he put the stars in the sky while joon just sits there all flustered

MOCHI

oof look at that beautiful manjfkalj;dlfsjkf

cannot sleep without her chimmy plush

when they first met, he was the first one she got really close to

his cute chubby cheeks were victims of her uwu moments

learns a lot fo ballet videos from youtube and they dance it in vlives all the time

remember when i said she had an eating disorder?

yea, it happened around the time he had his too

nobi was always trying to eat little ever since debut but she stopped eating for days at a time and with jimin doing it too, bts kinda derailed for a hot minute

a long emotional time of sufering until bang pd demanded they stop it immediately

after that, they had an emotional sit down where they just cried and spilled all their insecurities and they had each other’s backs

knowing she was already skinny, jimin disapproved but she also disapproved and again, more tears

nobi always hides snacks in her and kook’s room that kook doesn’t even know about and she always brings the box over to jimin’s room if hobi is out for schedules

when hobi went to america, nobi slept in jimin’s room

kook was real pissed off about it

eyesmiles for days

giggles 24/7

has the picture of one of jimin’s unreleased baby pictures as her home screen

dies a little inside when nobi reaches over to him with sweater paws bc OMG she’s so cute

uwu

jimin really coos and giggles at nobi bc of her small height and her uwu energy

sorry i used uwu a lot

TAETAE

the dumpling accident omg

jimin mentioned it in a vlive earlier and nobi also talked about it a day later in her own vlive

��tae was very hungry at that time and just wanted to eat it immediately and when he got angry, he curled up to nobi and refused to acknowledge me’

again, nobi hates confrontation so fights between the members always brings her down and so she tries to comfort each member

she bought tae some dumplings after practice and tricked him into meeting jimin so they could meet up

tbh, tae would be a mess without nobi

she helps him clean up his room but gives up w the amount of clothes on the floor

‘honestly, you shouldve just stayed roommates w joonie-hyung. we cant trust you to room by yourself’

she goes to his room sometimes and just lays on his bed bc he has the softest bed in the whole dorm

tae is already known to be very regal and royalty like whenever he steps outside

combine that with graceful queen nobi?

oof armys fanfiction royalty aus pop up everywhere

nobi is still angry that tae isn’t a gucci model w her bc she feels out of place being the only member w a clothing sponsorship

but underneath that stiff and cold facade, they both are seen making faces and goofing off all the time

nobi can only stand being a queen for so long

in one concert, she danced w him in a duet w singularity and lets just say, armys died that night

always stands next to each other and if they cant, always seen giving each other longing stares and smiles

the 2nd most popular ship in the fandom and they know it too so they keep feeding armys for their compilation videos

MUSCLE PIG

the only member who’s younger than her

actually would it be considered if they’re only 10-months apart?

kook refuses to call her noona unless he wants something

initially didnt like her but there was a time she bought him banana milk and it was all good

our boy was crying bc he was hungry and tired and he was trying to control his weight and he just wanted some banana milk

they’re a superior ship

one of the most popular ship in the whole industry

actually the superior couple and kai and jennie can square up

there’s fan edits of them and they both purposely do stuff to help them make au videos in youtube

theyve seen it before so we arent safe bois

the 2nd pair of roommates in the bts dorm

nobi is usually the first one to sleep while kook is watching something in the living room

when he goes to his room, he takes a minute and stands at the doorway and just looks at nobi with love in his eyes

mhm

nobi loves warmth so she gets out of her own bed at like 3 in the morning and just goes into kook’s and cuddles to him

sometimes, they just lay in bed and nobi is holding his hand just inspecting his tattoos

‘should we get a matching tattoo?’

their closet is large and tbh, they share the same clothing anyways

more like nobi wears mostly kook’s stuff

like, really, nobi has pants and a few shirts and thats it

they share everything like family but kook refuses to share her w anyone else but him

#bts imagines #8th member of bts #bts 8th member #bts au #bts scenarios #bts female scenarios #bts female imagines #bts female member #bts female addition #kpop oc #female!oc #bts girl member #bts imagine #bts scenario #bts fanfic #bts aus

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splendidshinobi · 3 years

Text

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 6-10

back at it again with the white vans

episode 6: the alchemy exam

alrighty then

um mustang calling edward “ed” is EXTREMELY offputting

ohhhhhhh noooooo not shou tucker

FUCK

im wholly unprepared

them all being in central instead of east is low key jarring like my brain isnt computing it

alexander’s intro is basically the same

nina bbyyyyy girl u deserved so much better

ed is such a fucking nerd...chemistry club modern au confirmed

god the more tucker talks the more i wanna beat his face in

al pretending to eat by tossing a potato in his armor i-

aww theyre playing in the snow theyre so pure

wonder how long thatll last

“bigger brother” and “little big brother” and ed doesnt even get mad

ed’s birthday party????????

A MELON? ED YOURE SO RUDE

so 03 had ed’s bday instead of elicia’s...CAUSE THEY GOT ELICIA IN THE WOMB

“it’s here!” “the tea?” “the baby!” hughes is a fuck head

ok so now they’re having elicia replace rush valley baby arc

this was winry’s time to shine in fmab i miss her

if winry isnt here who is gonna birth this baby

oh my god they just realized ed can use alchemy without a circle

no wonder he’s been using circles this whole time

SO ELICIA JUST POPPED OUT????? WHAT

STUFF ALEXANDER IN THE ARMOR AND PRETEND YOURE A TALKING DOG???

“i dont think thats very funny” NO ALPHONSE IT IS NOT

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THAT ONE I SWEAR TO GOD IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

damn bradley what up homie

im so thrown off by the way theyre doing the exam omg

seriously what the hell is fuhrer bradley’s purpose right now is he even the fuhrer in this i feel like they wouldve mentioned it

oh lord ed is about to impress everyone with his clappy hands

ok so next episode is nina FUCK

episode 7: night of the chimera’s cry

havoc babeeee

im gonna marry him my himbo king

also can RIZA DO SOMETHING PLZ

“huhhhhhhhh nina” ew tucker that was weirdly gross

wonder why

cant do it cant do it

do we think jean kirstein was modeled after jean havoc slightly looks wise

was that purposeful

ill have to google

serial killer who only targets women? it cant be scar...scar drinks respect women juice

barry or slicer bros maybe? um ok

why did we start with liore if they were just gonna hop right back into the past for a huge chunk of episodes idk

assessment day??? oh noodles

AL WHY DID YOU TELL TUCKER TO MAKE ANOTHER TALKING CHIMERA ALPHONSE NO

THE NOISE I EMITTED IM GONNA TAKE A LAP

im gonna FUCKING SCREAM

ed r u writing to winry??? that’s a bit out of character for u good sir

no tucker put that baby down

im gonna fucking SCREAM

aww he burned nina’s picture thats not sus at all

SHESKA!!!!!

wait does the ironblood alchemist know what tucker did to his wife? thats kinda the vibe im getting

SCARRRRRRRR

looking like a pirate too damn

his voice sounds different is that j michael tatum

apparently not it was dameon clarke in 03 ya learn something new everyday

ew elicia has a lot of hair for a FUCKING NEWBORN

ed really is such a cynic very suspicious of everyone as he should be really

basque grand knowS SOMETHING

oh jesus oh fuck oh god please do not TOUCH THAT BABY

ed and al snuck back in to the house well u know what its for the best

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im gonna cry again please god no

FUCKING DIE SHIT HOLE

she’s hurting? oh my god

my sweet angel

ew his eyes!!!!!!!

tucker is such a fucking failure...like look at the chimera squad and greed’s theatre troupe being the way they are. ugh it really hits how fucking unfair it is

ed was really about to split them? boy you know better

where is nina going...im hurting

ed really tried to save her in this one

SCAR KILLS NINA IN THE STREETS???????? SIR

thats different

oh snap

oh FUCK

SCAR WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER BODY LIKE THAT

THE WAY SHE WAS ARRANGED ON THE WALL THAT WAS FUCKED UP

AND THEY FOUND HER LIKE THAT???? AT LEAST IN BROTHERHOOD THEY DIDNT HVE TO SEE HER CORPSE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

that was fucked.

episode 8: the philosopher’s stone

can yall get ed and al away from nina’s fucking MURAL

get out of the car mustang

finally jesus christ

roy mustang talking about healthy coping mechanisms dont make me laugh but alright baby boy go off i guess?

im curious about who this goddamn serial killer is though lets turn to that plot thread

r u kidding me

mustang is making ed and al take over tucker’s research?? thats actually wildly messed up

oh tucker was straight executed that’s a choice i guess

tucker and the philosopher’s stone sounds inaccurate but ok

ed please stop being mean to your brother

03 mustang has got me reaching for a fucking baseball bat on GOD

scar and edward having this conversation right now i literally cannot

WINRY yes bitch

BRADLEY WHAT IN TARNATION

JESUS LORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD

alphonse shut your mouthhhhhhhhhhh

im so confused what is bradley up to

“alchemists are not cold blooded murderers?”

i mean

kimblee would beg to differ for one

whos this creepy lady

her voice sounds familiar

barry’s food shop?

the killer is barry ok got it

IS BARRY DISGUISED AS A WOMAN

I KNEW THAT WAS JERRY JEWELL’S VOICE

WELL I KNEW IT SOUNDED FAMILIAR AT LEAST

WINRY GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUCk

has PINAKO TAUGHT YOU NOTHING

ok so i VASTLY prefer suit of armor original manga canon barry

this is such an odd plot what in fuck

um OW the meat cleaver

im so confused this fucking plotline

oh hey alphonse nice of you to show up!

is barry still gonna become a suit of armor later on

it makes NO SENSE to introduce him otherwise

everytime i see 03 mustang i wanna beat his ass HONESTLY

literally i will shove my foot up his ass

fullmetal here we go

ed thinks he’s so punk rock

oh great scar’s seen the watch

episode 9: be thou for the people

ed you simp buying winry all this stuff my edwin heart is ascending

SIMP SIMP SIMP

“mr. elric”?? you mean MAJOR ELRIC

to be fair though fuck the military

YOUSWELL??? oh LORD

im gonna need to read a full chronology of this show

alphonse continues to be a precious angel

where’s my boy yoki!!!!!

edward you idiot don’t go flaunting your money

woof woof ed

al looks so offended by ed saying they just met

whereas in brotherhood didnt he totally throw ed under the bus???

a choice to be sure

ah there he is hello yoki

who’s the chick

shes a lesbian

yoki makes me miss my baby girl mei chang

mei where r u

WAS THIS MILITARY DUDE REALLY ABOUT TO CUT DOWN A CHILD??? oh my god

hawkeye getting a promotion yes bby girl

jesus theyre transferring them to east now OKKKKKAY thats not how it happened it the book but ill take it....just doing it the opposite way i guess

who is lyra who is she

cute some military bribery

umm lyra what the fuck did you do

lyra is a homunculus im callin it now

they definitely invented/changed up some homunculi in fact im certain they did and shes one of em. gotta be

i feel like 03 wrote ed as much more insensitive towards others than he really is...just a vibe im getting

i know he was faking for the townspeople’s sake but i still get this vibe from other instances

i mean i cant say its not “canon” because its 03 canon

anyways what a show off

i cant believe theyre going to east...fuery and breda better be there

ok finally some answers on their ages....ed got his license at 12 like normal and nina and youswell were when he was 12...liore was 15,

if they didnt flash the ages on the screen id be lost honestly

at least we’re back up to “present day”

episode 10: the phantom thief

ed saying he doesnt wanna see mustang

same

03 mustang is activating my fight or flight and im choosing fight

ed cheating at cards totally checks out

um who the fuck is this woman

what is she wearing

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT CUTOUT MAAM HOW DO YOUR C**CHY LIPS NOT POKE OUT

idk but this is fem!hisoka

“hey shouldnt we talk first” after getting handcuffed??? christ almighty these innuendos

siren??????? siren is probably also a “fake” homunculus

ugh

ok so the nurse is siren

ya aint slick girly

alphonse control your crush

I REFUSE!!!! ALMEI RIGHTS

why is al’s hair so brown in this flashback anywayssss

oh its spelled psiren ope

like she’s literally a batman villain...

oh my god...............the tiddy grab. my son would never

my son is respectful

is this her homunculus tat or just a random alchemy tat

the added plotlines and original content continue to confuse and astound me every single time....

ok but if psiren really was doing this for the hospital she wouldnt be so flashy about it. like thats how you get caught sweet cheeks

girly stop flirting with this child on god im gonna fucking kick you

now shes a nun????????????????

Shes a fucking troll i hate her

im going to kick alphonse into the sun

oh great now shes a teacher

wow shes a savior. the savior of amestrian venice. greatttttt

ed looking exactly like this emoji on this gondola rn 🧍‍♀️

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE CHILD

GOD THIS IS SO BATMAN VILLAIN ESQUE

alphonse plzzzzzzzzzz she aint your girl

ok so probably not the last we see of this ding dong con artist

ok so its starting to get muddy. im scared the 03 stans are gonna come after me like i do like it and im having fun watching it but some of the plot and characterization choices are just....odd??? idk i gotta keep going though!! im sorry i just stan arakawa and her work in all her glory!!!

#carol watches fma03 #fullmetal alchemist #carol's remaining brain cells #this is fun for me and no one else #whatever i dont care about anyone else on this website anyway #this is my stupid hole

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mollyamory-again · 5 years

Text

And then I wrote a really long reaction post for Endgame...

Here’s the short form: <3 <3 <3... ?? @#(*$A)(@#*!?! <3.....<3 ....?<3? <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 !!!

The super long form is below the cut...

So, I went into this movie with a lot of feelings, and I came out with a lot of feelings, and it's taking me some time to process them.

The first, and maybe the most important thing I want to say, is that regardless of my personal fannish/emotional reaction to some of the events -- the film itself was an absolute triumph. I mean - it was amazing. There were a great many things to love - and that is a list that includes some things I hated. Love/hated. Both! The fact that they could bring a series of films that spans over a decade together in a way that had people laughing and crying in the theatres, often both at the same time - it's just truly, truly awesome. It says something that they were able to build these real and true characters who feel important enough that their fates can actually break our hearts.

So I applaud that, and I hope the film industry takes a good long look at these films and learns from them. Audiences are willing to wait for the pay-off, we're willing to tackle difficult things, we're willing to fall in love with what we see on the screen if the writers and producers and directors put the effort into allowing it.

That said...

I really liked this movie overall, but I went into it really wanting two specific things for myself, and I didn't get them. In fact I kind of got the opposite of them, and a lot of my coming to terms with the movie has been coming to terms with just... not getting what I wanted. And finding a way to be okay with that.

I wanted Tony to live - and if you're back here behind my spoiler cut, you know I didn't get that one. It was really hard to lose him. He was my favorite character in this whole crazy cast. I loved that he could be so wrong sometimes, and with so much utter conviction. I loved that he could be terrified out of his mind and then just do the terrifying things anyway, because somebody had to, and he could. I loved how smart he was, and how vulnerable he was, and how he built walls of words to defend himself and define himself. I loved how hard he loved the people that HE loved, and how much he was willing to do for them. I loved how great he was with kids (and I love that he got one of his own!) and I love how that seemed at least in part because he never finished growing up himself.

So while I am wrecked that this is the end of Tony in this particular strand of the comics universe, I can't deny that it is 100% true to who he was. He was always going to be the guy who would do this, if it needed to be done. And it did, so he did it, and it broke my heart - but in the end I have to be okay with it, because yeah. That was Tony Stark, distilled down to his purest self. I hated it, but I also loved it, and more importantly I think, I bought it.

I also really would have loved to have a kind of on-screen farewell to my pairing, and I didn't get that, either. I'm a Science Boyfriends kinda gal, and there was almost zero interaction between Bruce and Tony - there was zero relevant interaction. But it is what it is - this was never going to be everything to all people, and that's one of the relationships that didn't get priority. I'm okay with that, too - mainly because its absence means they didn't do anything TERRIBLE to it, either! When it comes to my pairings, I'd far rather TPTB leave them alone than do something I don't like. That said - it would have been nice if they'd you know, exchanged a couple of lines? And it would have been SUPER nice if Bruce had been around to react to Tony's death. Getting past it, getting past it.... ;)

My biggest fear going into this movie was that it would kill my fannishness about the Avengers. I just recently rediscovered it, and I've been writing like a MAD thing. I've stayed up too late writing, I've gotten up way to early to write... I've written through nights when I was supposed to be raiding with my online pals, or watching stuff with my housemates. I've definitely done quite a lot of writing when I was supposed to be working! And it's been fun, and it's felt really good, and I just didn't want to lose it. I missed fandom and other fans, and I missed caring so much about characters and pairings. Having it all back again these past couple of months has been a blast -- so I went into Endgame a) pretty sure they were going to kill Tony and b) pretty sure that killing Tony would kill my fannish joy.

I am happy to report it did not. I'm still in love, and I'm still writing like crazy. I gave myself some pretty stern talking-tos in the lead-up to the movie, along the lines of "Are you really going to let a couple of rich white geekboys decide what happens to YOUR Tony Stark?" and in short form, "CANON IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" I think it helped. I'm still here, anyway!

There are a few other things I really didn't like. One - the CGI for Bruce was a horror show for me. It landed right in the Uncanny Valley, and I could barely stand to look at him on screen. Every time he showed up, it was like a cartoon character appearing in my live action show. I think that actually may have helped me with the Tony thing, though -- because it yanked me out of the movie when Bruce was onscreen, and that gave me the distance I needed to not become a puddle of shivering misery on the floor when Tony died saving the world.

Don't get me wrong - I really do like that he's able to integrate now. I like that he has control. Still, I'm not sure this is a road I ever really want to go down in my writing. I like Hulk too much to want to see him essentially killed by Bruce (which is kind of how I'm reading this.) I get that Hulk IS Bruce IS Hulk and if I were his therapist I'd be all over it. But I'm not his therapist - I'm one of his slashfic writers. And as such, I prefer him splintered and angsting over it. :)

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about Natasha, and I'm not sure they're particularly coherent. I think if Endgame had happened exactly the way it did, WITHOUT the disgusting Ultron lines about how she's a monster because she can't have kids, I'd be fine. As it is, Ultron happened and then Natasha gave herself up for a guy with a family, and from a purely Doyle-ist perspective I find that sequence of events suspect, and deeply gross.

On the other hand, from a purely Watsonian perspective, I fully agree with what <a href="https://cesperanza.tumblr.com/post/184622436895/i-cant-believe-that-as-a-prominent-woman-in">cesperanza had to say about Nat</a>, so I'm just going to let that stand for me, too.

Probably the final thing I didn't like was fat!Thor. I do get the arguments on the other side of this, that it's cool to show even a super hero can get depressed and live off cheez whiz and get fat and disaffected. But I also think that's not all there is to this; I think you don't make Chris Hemsworth run around in a fat suit without on some level doing it for the point-and-laugh. And I find that kind of "joke" toxic and disgusting. I'm not going to go on and on about it here, but in short just - a world of no from me on that.

So what's my score so far? 2 things I wanted but didn't get, 3 things I didn't like? But on the bright side...it's now time to move along to the bright side! And the bright side is pretty damn bright.

I was incredibly happy that Tony and Steve were able to repair their relationship. Civil War was such a tough movie to watch, and while there was at least a thread of hope for them at the end of it, this resolution was a long time coming. They're so very different in their worldviews and methods, but so very alike in their absolute dedication to protecting people and doing the right thing - the friction has always made perfect sense, but getting to see them come to terms with each other ... that's something I have really wanted for a long time. I was extremely sad watching Tony just chew into Steve at the beginning of Endgame, but not at all surprised - Tony was completely done in, physically, mentally and emotionally. Just seeing Tony that physically wasted and weak was hard. Steve's reactions to it were perfect, though, just perfect. I don't think I could have asked for any more than I was given for the two of them.

I loved Tony's relationship with his daughter - in fact, I love Tony's relationship with every character below the age of majority that he's ever been on screen with. Tony may be my OTP (One True Parent) in fact - he's just so deeply interested in these kids (Harley, Peter, Morgan) as human beings. And he treats them oddly as equals, while still somehow managing to parent well for each of them. He's hilarious and snarky and caring and he connects. I don't know, I just adore it. We didn't get to spend a lot of time with Morgan, but it was obvious she adored Tony and was well on her way to growing up to be just like him, and I wholly approve.

And before I leave the topic of kids - Tony mourning Peter broke my heart, and his love for Peter when he came back knitted it back together again (that hug omg, </3 -> <3) and then Peter's breakdown when Tony was dying, finally calling him "Tony" instead of Mr. Stark or sir...there it goes, heart broken again. BROKEN.

I and the rest of the universe loved Steve wielding Mjolnir (and Thor KNEW it!). We all saw this coming from way back at the party in Ultron, and a part of what this series of movies has managed to do that I love is take moments like that, a billion movies ago at this point, and pay them off one by one. Sure, it's fan service, but because they were patient, it feels earned. I adore it.

I'm going to wrap this up for now because if I don't, it's never getting posted - I have a ton of thoughts and even MORE feelings about this movie, and I'll be posting more of them because how can I NOT. But I do want to talk a little about one of the major things that literally filled me with joy:

The return to Avengers 2012!!! <3 <3 <3

I just want to go back and live there - like, I want to build a tinyhouse with a telescope in the window and just stare at it all from the shadows forever. I could literally sit for days upon days of "what happened in Avengers 2012 around what we saw on the screen in Avengers 2012" - that could be an entire TV series and I would tune in for every freaking episode. It was SO. MUCH. FUN! From "feel free to clean up..." to "take the stairs" and "SO MANY STAIRS" to Loki pretending to be Steve and Loki stealing the tesseract and poofing out to Thor saving Tony with his hammer and both of them so jazzed about it... OMG. I just love it all, and I'm so happy they did it. I loved everything around it - I loved Bruce trying half-heartedly to smash, I loved the Sorceress Supreme up on the rooftop fighting the Chitauri, I loved Bruce getting smacked out of Hulk and Hulk on a lounge chair with a sunhat over his face. EVERYTHING. I just. <3

I went into Endgame expecting the worst for my favorite character, and I got the worst for him. But the more I think about this movie, the more I find that it's a happy place for me. It gave me what I didn't want and it made me like it. Like - a LOT. I went into it expecting/fearing that it would kill my fannishness about Avengers, and it's done the exact opposite - it's brought me back into fandom, back into contact with fans, back into thinking all the thoughts and feeling all the feelings and wanting to share them with other people who are thinking and feeling about the same thing.

I feel like this entire series of movies, this slate of characters, this universe they've built - it's a gigantic wonderful amazing heartbreaking heartmending accomplishment, and I'm just super glad it's all here, and that I got to experience it all.

(And I can't wait to write a metric fuckton of stories that ignore it! Tony may be gone in this timeline, but he's never going to die in mine, damn it!)

#avengers: endgame #spoilers #all the feelings #ugh my heart

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sirjustice167-blog · 4 years

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some truths dude

Some people who r 1st buy the Tv in the link below cause it gives ya false idea on people and instigate the heart of belittling things in ya so they put that as an excuse not to get into hell fire at judgment day. If ya neighbor had such or a repair next to ya or places u used to get to, then it can be an excuse 4 ya to avoid hell fire at judgement time if u knew not of the side effect. 1 like in the link below, the 1 written 60 inch Sony big screen

https://www.google.com/search?q=images+of+old+sony+big+tv&client=ms-google-coop&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=GulvJR4JgMvqDM%253A%252CU5Xm0dWj92iWjM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kSrQtBxjc_J766_2aDdRMibysMVJg&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjByJ2K6KjpAhWK5OAKHQYSCdsQ9QEwAHoECAoQHg&biw=1024&bih=635#imgrc=GulvJR4JgMvqDM:

Theft will be no-more as per the bible means, every gadget batch/serial no can be ya Id no or any property u got like shoes or cloths got the above as ya serial so can be traced easily and moreover will have the bracelet below technology to detect it like from ya phone and closed not with screw like oppo phones so can open and change the stuff to resell it again without notice. When opened with fire will be known so no 1 buys so deters criminals to steal the same to bar the above theft to cement bible reality not that people will be off good manners, in some cases on big machines wireless controlled grenade can be place so detonated to know where the gadget is to get it again so will bar many thieves from still such to promote the above reality. Taking shower or a shit in dirty filthy places can take ya to hell cause people knows ya spending thrift so u will be asked how much was a portacabin shower as ya body is the temple of Christ, so desist dude.

Cabbage cut mixed with cold sewer water then hurl water using a syringe many people gives gadgets like double door fridges, certain cars or vehicles as loris buses, Generators, jets, rockets, missiles, container portacabin houses and many hardware tools u can try with or place photos of such to replace cut cabbage still gives ya the same even motorbike parts and of vehicles. This gives ya as well as Christmas lighting and other accessories. The sewer water is placed in a dug like swimming pool structure where the above samples inserted or photos and boom what u want formed like even gates, metallic windows and doors and metallic office and home apparatus like seats, tables and dinning as much as utensils etc.

When u hurl cold milk unto cut cabbage mixed with cold sewer water it gives ya fridges, home appliances or office or kitchen ware and shower/toilet ceramics and even office appliances,

Same to wire mesh hurl soapy or bathing water gives ya Double door fridges, big stereos like Sony, Lg, Homeflower Panasonic, studio appliances as recording house or in photography and office stationery, light rails, trains, E-vehicles or machines, jets as much as placing such photos in sewer water in a container which even gives u guns, detonators, internet/decoder severs and military vehicle if u spit saliva upon the content of the container in the dark.

Where kebi leaves along time in 1 of the houses is where peter corpse was taken to rot, such houses are left, in that to hell the society, if people lives there they rather became insane like if they cant use the Bar Kalare water to do the same, so stop blaming ya kid as not fast, where u live along time maybe 1 had died and rot their or was stone to death or fire engulfed him in the house,its more effectual if the deceased was a renowned fellow like with peter even in the USA, such left houses which are at a convenience place and cheap has such characteristic so can change ya behavior so desist and relocate as early as possible and the better 4 ya.

If u can hustle good still aint a pass that u can have much a woman, they look at how u will behave minus education, jail ban and if life has been closed to ya what will u do as kill ya-self, go down in life and its precisely what they are locating more than disturbing others. Better die that put others in ya disturbance as this bars ya from having many kids even is industrious and how u can leave an argument without getting pissed off as ya kids will be the same. It qualifies ya if u wanna as many want not, rather, again they r forced with women cause to find such was like finding Gold A decade ago as the society can rot if such like u atrophies and are needed many and if u can just sit in the house after having ya small house and all home appliances like being incarcerated behind bars in jail which if u can its a plus and qualify u 4 the above or forced even in death after ya testis broken and sperms taken and its 1 reason the whites can liaise with not knowing Africans to forge ya ways to their nation to kill ya and take the same, so take heed dude, sometimes change ya character to be bad to avoid the above. Have the 2 sides of Hannah character bro 4 best survival in this world, if i tell ya not then who will tell ya bro,no 1 but ya homy!!!! Well, good and well said, thank bro!!!

Behind the houses not a long business premise opposite corner legio shopping center in ksm, that old block house in the middle with a fence without a gate opposite a small food vendor-ship was a church and Christ and his parents attended church there.

coin new cut ya appendages like in the link below

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_7PirSjSun/

How the white people used to generate power in their country side at night while in the day uses a 12 DV geared motor to rotate the same to give power like in the link below

https://www.facebook.com/shaktigenerator.patiala/videos/548259622731799/?t=27

Buy seats at sky Garden

https://www.facebook.com/pg/www.sky.garden/posts/?ref=page_internal

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?id=537921652942425&story_fbid=538438562890734

Buy antor Kenyan generator

https://www.google.com/search?source=univ&tbm=isch&q=antor+generator+images&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi3i-L-qaTpAhXr6OAKHbMBBp4QsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910

If u know how to make E-motorcycles then u know how to make the alternator or no-fuel generator so African nations stop liaising with the Eu or Far est and try to save the day like explained in tumblr a/c sirjustice200 like Kenya Fika and Uganda and Rwanda already made motor-bikes.

Even welded windows if u take their photos and place in sewer water gives ya that type of window or door u want as much as bed, even nails and bared wires made that way.

Nyamau fresh mouth herb can be made as well using tea leaves or cabbage or with other thick leaves u know, u can try and test 4 the best as most durable and got no side effect and sell high as compared to the others

Buy the dimple type of key below if u got less cash to secure the combination 1 or automated 1 yet the duplicate makers has not learnt the trick yet and many new, to dim off their lights on this crazy super highway

The people who, kinda, place foreign particles in the body parts of another person who is injured and maybe have open wounds b4 Mr Hindu shift his body parts to u and yours to another not necessarily him, like broken skull or wound or at operation times, kinda, in imagery, u see them approaching to ya head like wanting to kiss ya, then if u like them not, u see a blow boxing them away and other fall as others u see 1 holding a panga or a chain saw cut them repeatedly. True dude, no lies. Mark your utensils with even small marks like in the link below to stop giving other names and pointing figures

https://www.homestratosphere.com/types-of-keys/

https://www.homestratosphere.com/types-of-keys/#foobox-3/0/dimple-keys-nov152018-min.jpg

U get to good sanitary homes rest rooms but me i get to a pi latrine, well, good enough but do u know if not the above vices, yet i know ya darkest secrets as i have blocked ya dubious ways. Dude stop as death do not dare me, with me i can be giving ya part of my food daily, it destroys me and to take care of others kid, it gets into me bro, if with ya ist okay then with me its not okay and loving a woman with black lips, rather i die bro and waiting 4 me at my door to the point of bringing confusion as gimmicks i hate kids but i don’t beat them, well, leave me alone bro. What do u want, when i talk of not burial but rather cremation they saying strangling yaself belongs to dogs cause they wont eat ya flesh openly. Bank people its over and don’t want it from me as a stock laid in store, rather be poor with ya to stop giving me names as u give some Mr big man not in-tune with ya but from me u wont ride on my back.

If u r sure u can delete all my tumblr writings in the followings which i have explained to ya u cant as i follow 1 person per tumblr and to delete u must follow many and i use more than 30 guessed character password which even if u know the pass-code if u return to log into it tells ya wrong format even to open g mail or yahoo a/c tells u the same and u can try. If u delete many of them, let me know and i strangle myself as that what u want to stardom or pride to make ya kidnap me or kill me all together or molest me. Check my Fb mcsleepy nelson and Instagram nelsonmcsleepy or mcsleepynelson get to see all the followers and groups and find which country they are from, u will find they are from all over the world as i mean all countries i have notified of the same below not 2 or 5 countries to do the above to remain with the innovation but in like 15 categories or caliber of people or group per country, i mean i got more than 10 people as my followers by country on the above and sometimes i have used other peoples fb and Instagram or twitter to still send the same.

The bank people in Kenya contributed cash to derail kebis efforts in the USA and now wanna dine with him, can not happen. While at the bank i resided in a friends home, what u r saying i know not. Go ya way, u stupid fellows, who want good life from people and must be employed as people must thick 4 them, u daylight fool and braggarts!!!!

Buy the inverter below of a car if need be that uses upto 5 volts in the link below

https://jamboshop.comhttps://jamboshop.com/product/Car-Inverter-Power-Supply-50Hz-DC-12V-to-AC-220V-Converter-Transformer-laptop-mobile-phone-charger-USB-5V-2.1A/13758/21718/product/Car-Inverter-Power-Supply-50Hz-DC-12V-to-AC-220V-Converter-Transformer-laptop-mobile-phone-charger-USB-5V-2.1A/13758/21718

With me a woman will come to my house, aint a dog that u r forcing me to get to a woman's place to here how i cry more than her and put it to laughter or ridicule. I done told ya, that my back is straight u wont ride on me and aint a laddar/staircase/road to ya destiny period

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jibrillenyan · 5 years

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Eldarya Valentine Event Review

So, as everyone who reads the guide blog knows, I try my best to stay 400% neutral there; I don't want to impose my opinions on people who just want to know what the right answers are and, to be honest, I tend to keep to myself anyway. But I've often been asked to share my opinions at least on this Tumblr (there was actually a poll a few years ago, where I asked if people wanted that and I just realized I never started posting opinions anyway. XD sorry, I'm so terribad at this) so here I am, being asked my thoughts on the matter and answering, for once. I also noticed I suck at tagging; blame the fact that this is just an info-blog about the guide website, I promise I'll go back and sort them out. I will tag Personal opinion posts or the ones about myself with "Purrsonal" so you can skip them if you want. (All) that being said, the Valentine event... under the cut because it’s extra long.

As usual, it started with bugs. Yeah, ok, let's move on, there is nothing new to say. I really wish they tested this stuff a bit before tossing it on us.

"Victim of its own success" my @$$.

Outfits: Truth be told, I overall don't like them. There are some pieces that I find absolutely great but that is it. Valkyon's especially is really weird to look at, more like a chastity device than date outfit, even if I do like the boots, and the shoulderpads aren't that bad I guess. Hopefully people have better taste than me and can appreciate them more, but for me, having to pay potentially so much more than usual for outfits that I like far less was a bit of a disappointment.

Money: In that regard, yes you do pay more, a lot more, it's not just you, it's a fact. On average (there was some market involved, plus the occasional energy potion... blablabla) the 2017 event, assuming optimal completion (not spending more than strictly necessary) cost a whole 80 maana (or less!) for 3 outfits. The 2018 event? 0. Yep, all free. 2019? We are talking about 1200 maana (optimal completion) and we all know many of us didn't optimally complete. It sucked.

True, this is the only event you can finish early without spending a single gold coin (2017 and 2018 required gold coins if you made mistakes or skipped some days that didn't depend on knowing the answers), but it's also the only event where if you want the companion you have to pay. 2017? present from Leiftan, free. 2018, Completion Prize, free.

Companion: As someone who watched My Little Pony as a toddler, it's simply adorable. Diabetes-inducing adorable, but still adorable. Plus, it's animated (but it kinda looks like it's having a seizure...)! Is it the start of a trend? Stats are really not great (unless puberty hits reaaally hard and the adult is a half-miracle), but I caved in and bought it at least on the Italian version. It sucks that it's not free. :( The fact that the companion could only be obtained by paying for it was the biggest downside of this event for me, and I think that it was also the first time this happened outside an episode since the game came out internationally. /Sadpanda.

Background: I love backgrounds, and this is very sugary, but beautiful; I just wish it didn't replace the companion as completion reward, because if I HAD to choose between the 2, I would have preferred the latter, as much as I wish we had more event backgrounds, companions are just more useful, especially for newbies.

Mechanics: My biggest complain here is the cost, too high. We had all foreseen the use of the newly acquired alchemy minigame as the engine for this event, and while some don't like it, I was ok with that. It's just too expensive to be likable. We never had to pay so much for a Valentine event and I hope it won't repeat itself. On the bright side, it's not a skill minigame, so it's not something we can fail. Considering the issues many had during the last events, perahps at least THAT is a good thing. It's nice that you can find the ingredients everywhere, including the low energy areas, but I would have preferred if they had split the loot pool among them instead of everything dropping everywhere; finding everything you need for a specific outfit, especially the scrolls, is extremely hard with these chances, and the scrolls are 100 maana. Which brings me to the next point: the final questions. While I like the idea of a tiny-mini-episode inside the event with its answers to guess, God Bless the guides, because I'd like to see people complete this event using no extra maana or gold, without relying on people who paid to advance faster. If you try to do it staying in those 1200 maana, the optimal completion, you submit yourselves to the the RNGesus, and it could take DAYS to complete a route. Now, imagine getting a couple of answers wrong, and having to wait a DAY to retry... get them all wrong and you take 13 days JUST for the answers... it's a bit crazy. Cant we have, I don't know, an attempt every 4-6 hours? It's like they are really trying hard to make us spend money this time around.

Story: Well, can't say that I liked seeing Gardienne "Unable to control herself" and cheating on her boyfriend, mostly because I don't think it was necessary. If you haven't played episode 19 yet, the boyfriend is not mentioned, as you are in that weird out-of-time situation where there is no boyfriend yet, and it doesn't feel as terrible. Yes, "you" are still kissing someone you may not like for the sake of the outfit/illustration with no option to opt out, but at the same time, it's quite mild and it is just a dream... I wish it had been like that for accounts past episode 19 as well. This version leaves a sour taste in my mouth and knocks my Erika LOM meter down a few notches. Yes, I understand it's a dream, and I'm fully aware people dream really weird stuff sometimes, where you do things you'd never do in real life and have no control over yourself, but she doesn't even show any embarassment or regret upon waking up. I also do not identify with the MC in this kind of game so I'm mighty fine with disliking her or her actions (not the first time~~~); I would probably not have minded a situation like this for the story's sake. It would have been interesting to explore (although, I'm always a bit scared about trusting Beemoov with this stuff, they can't handle it very well). But it is supposed to be a cute valentine event, and it would have taken so little to make this more palatable for everyone. Was it really necessary to add this tiny bit of angst?

Overall opinion: I know I criticized a lot, this event was probably among the ones I've liked the least, mostly for the excessive cost and some debatable choices on the story. I did like some things though, including using the alchemy minigame (I know I'm in the minority here :p), mostly because it requires no skill, something that has caused issues in the past - minigames hard to play on touch screens, color impairments, etc., etc. - and I liked the fact that they removed Daily gates - the fact you couldn't advance past the missions of the day unless you paid. This event could be completed in a day if you wanted, and with a bit of luck without spending a single gold coin, that was nice. I'm not sure I would like another event like this, but there was some potential that I hope won't be immediately discarded.

Loved the best (ranked 1st to 4th + Bonus to be fair since I listed 5 things I dislike XD): 1. I LOVE THE TIMER ON THE CORNER, underappreciated little bastard *heart* 2. No daily gates, you could finish the entire event in one day or in 12, without spending extra money. 2. The mini-episode at the end. The idea of it at least, I've already said I don't like some of the... content. 3. No luck with explorations? You can finish the event with maana. It's nice that you can use maana (and not gold coins) to finish the event if you are unlucky or don't have enough time. 4. No hard-to-do minigames (I've never had an issue with them, but I've heard of hundreds of people who did.) 5. The background and the companion were overly cute.

Hated the beast (ranked 1st to 4th + Special guest star): 1. Companion in Gold coins only, my biggest disappointment 2. The whole cheating thing. Why? Was it needed? 3. Having to pay maana for an event, when the ones before were all free 4. Disregarding personal taste, I don't think Valkyon outfit was suited for a Valentine day date. 5. And once again, the bugs. I just... don't... have... any polite words left for it. It's last only because it's featured in every single event, so it has lost the novelty effect.

#purrsonal

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icharchivist · 6 years

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perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/

#ichapersonal

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