#i kinda wanted to complete this by 31 but was actually too exhausted | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

suekre · 3 years

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So ive followed you a VERY long time (like from the deviantart days lmao) and i only just realised that you were talking about ocd in that post. Just wanted to let you know that i have ocd as well and god it is exhausting and i know exactly how you feel! I finally start therapy for it in 2 weeks. Pls know that i love your art and you very much and appreciate everything you create and share with us. All the best!! X

Hey you, I know you! Thank you for coming to my inbox and sharing this with me, I appreciate that so much. :) I am SUPER happy for you that you are about to get the help you need, that is awesome. I wish I could have had it at the time!

(And oh boy, the good old deviantart days, haha! Always happy to have my longtime followers around! :D)

OCD is exhausting indeed. People who aren’t affected can’t imagine what a nightmare it is. I, personally, am more prone to intrusive thoughts than actual obsessive-compulsive behavior. When people hear „OCD“, they usually think of obsessive hand washing or „leaving out every black tile while walking through a kitchen“ or so, while it can manifest in other ways. I didn’t know back then. I just thought I was going completely crazy at the time. I think I mentioned my disorder at times but I never actually openly talked about my own experiences (where I come from, mental disorders are a big NO NO, because it’s all in your head, just pull yourself together, other people are ACTUALLY suffering, it’s just dumb thoughts, you just need to think positive, y’know).

I kinda feel like doing it now. Just to get it out, and also to occupy my brain and hands and hey, maybe someone else can pick this up and find themselves in my own experiences. I sure know how relieved I was when I found out I wasn’t alone with my what I thought was a ‚Very Weird, Unique and Niche Problem‘.

I gotta admit first - I’m doing much better nowadays. Even my worst days, as horrible as they may feel at the time, do in no way compare to the hell I went through in the second half of 2015. I have come a long way since my last (and so far worst... omg, oof, I hope there won’t be another) episode of intrusive thoughts. But, oh boy, was it intense. It was the absolute worst time of my life, ever. I’m not writing this to scare anyone. Anyone who is familiar with this, will know how bad it is and anyone who can’t relate at all won’t feel affected anyway and will maybe even think something along the lines of „What the fuck?!“. I get it. It DOES sound crazy.

I have always been an overthinker. I always needed more validation and reassurance than other people around me and for the longest time I had no idea why that was. It was usually subtle - always kinda there but never strong enough to actually affect my life in a negative way. I just felt off at times, and not always super good. But I was generally ok, I could always manage.

Until that one episode that changed my life forever. I know that sounds dramatic but, even though I am in a good place nowadays, it sure DID change my life. I was 31, I lived together with my then-boyfriend and I still remember the exact date. Friday, July 24th, 2015. I remember the exact moment when my entire mind collapsed. It’s so weird, it literally happened from one second to the other. I am not making this up to sound more dramatic, it was a matter of seconds.

I was on my way home after work and I felt… restless and stressed. It felt good to get off work (it was my first full time job and... it didn’t go well, to put it nicely) but I was no longer really looking forward to my week off, and our trip to our favorite Open Air the following week. I picked up some dinner on my way, I came home, and I saw my boyfriend in the middle of the living room, he was making some preparations for our upcoming trip. When I saw him, tall and handsome and smiling at me, I smiled back but inside I felt like crying. My smile was fake. Kissing him felt weird, and also fake. And all of a sudden, there it was. The life changing thought:

„I don’t love him anymore.“

A simple thought. I had weird thoughts before, like anyone does, but they never had any greater impact on me. This time, though, that one thought knocked me off my feet. Not literally, I had turned into a pillar of salt somehow. This was the Perfect Man Of My Dreams (at least that was what I thought back then). The man I wanted to spend my life with, the man who made me happy every day! How could that even be, how could I even think something like that?

I felt even more restless. I didn’t tell him, of course. When he asked how my day was, I put on my fake smile again and said it was okay. We ate our dinner (although I had instantly lost any appetite), and I kept looking at him and the thoughts... just kept coming back.

You don’t love him anymore. What if you don’t love him anymore?

On repeat. It was awful. I just couldn’t shake them off.

It’s the stress, I tried to tell myself. You’re overworked. It’ll be good, you just need some rest.

But I couldn’t relax. My heart was racing, my blood was pumping. I didn’t know what was going on. I begged him to leave his work undone and take me out for an after work drink and he agreed. All the time, the thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind. I didn’t want to think them, but they were merciless, they just kept coming back. I felt so helpless.

A few drinks later, I had calmed down a bit, at least so much that I could stand to look at my BFs face again without feeling guilty. There you go, I said to myself, not quite convinced, you’ll be good. It’s already wearing off. When we crawled into bed later, I was tired and relaxed (and tipsy) enough to sleep and convinced that this was just a little glitch, that things would be just fine in the morning.

When I woke up, I felt exhausted. My heart was racing... and the thoughts came back IMMEDIATELY.

You don’t love him anymore. You gotta leave him.

What. The. HELL!? Why are these thoughts still a thing? Why are they still there? Why do they keep coming back?

I kept trying to push them away but the more I tried, the more intense they became. As if they tried to spite me. I started losing focus on everything else around me, the world slowly started to blur. It was just Me And My Thoughts from here. I tried my best to hide my state, and I think I managed for a while, but I felt like a robot any time I talked to someone. When people would pick up on my confusion, I usually brushed their concerns off. It’s nothing, I’m good.

I mean... how do you even tell someone that you just. can’t. stop. thinking. about whether you still love your boyfriend or not? According to the world, that is something you “just feel and know” after all. Except that I didn’t. I had no clue. I couldn’t feel anything. But, according to the world, that was perfectly normal, too. “Honeymoon phase is over at some point, babe. That’s everyday life, you grow comfy, it’s no longer a flash of feelings every day, you know that. You guys have been together for a while after all, what did you expect?!” ... what I felt didn’t feel like comfy everyday life either, though. Comfy everday life shouldn’t come with high key anxiety, sleepless nights and a loss of appetite at any lived second. If that was comfy everyday life, I sure didn’t want it.

So, what do you do when you have no clue about something? Right! Google! Go and ask the world! “How do you know that you still love your partner?”, “Is the love gone?” ... I spent hours, DAYS doing that, but no answer I found was remotely statisfying (or maybe it was for a minute, but the reassurance never lasted long) and I felt that those articles didn’t actually understand what I was asking in first place. I would spend every day like that. Permanently asking myself the same questions, analyzing myself, testing if the Big Feels for the man had decided to come back... nah, not really. Maybe NOW? If I just look at him close enough?! ... maybe if I squint a little?! Fuck, still nothing! Niente! Nada! I am a horrible person, aaah!

(Our open air trip was an emotional disaster by the way, I felt horrible all the time, and the permanent rain didn’t help. -3/10, do not recommend).

If I had known at the time that I wouldn’t spend just a few days but (more or less) six months with this shit... oof. I was already exhausted after those few days.

Over the course of the next weeks I stopped eating almost entirely. I just couldn’t. This permanent tight anxiety knot in my stomach made me want to throw up at the mere thought of food. At my worst point I weighed 138 lbs (63 kg), at 6 ft 1 (1,85 m). I often joked about how I had almost reached runway model standard. I was sick, I was weak, I was scared, but I just couldn’t eat and the bits I DID force myself to eat were burned almost right away by my crippling anxiety. (I still have clothes from that time, and I sometimes beat myself up for no longer fitting into them before I remember that I should NEVER fit into them EVER again.)

Instead I smoked a pack a day. I hardly got any sleep and when I did, it wasn’t relaxing. Always in Fight and Flight mode. My body was at alert level any minute, any day. I’m still asking myself how it could be that I never actually... collapsed. I was always tired, exhausted and malnourished... I dunno, you tell me.

The thoughts never really disappeared. They kept coming back in all variations. You don’t love him anymore. You have to leave him. You may not want to, but you have to. You don’t love him. I had very few “good moments” in between but in those good moments, my mind was usually frantically looking for explanations and reasons behind all this. For ways to improve my relationship, to feel better about my boyfriend. I came up with the WEIRDEST shit. Almost every day I found something new that bothered me. One day he was a little boring. That’s it! We gotta go out more, do more stuff, that’ll change everything. ... aaah, no. Guess not. The next day, it was something else. The day after THAT, it was something entirely different again.

I was suddenly prone to making some HELLA weird impulsive decisions, too. „I gotta break off contact to that one person RIGHT now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!“, “I gotta talk to my mom about THAT particular incident in my childhood right now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”, “I gotta make a trip to the mall JUST NOW, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”… the decisions made total sense to me the second I made them, for about ten minutes at most, but the initial rush of relief started to fade again quickly and I frantically started looking for new solutions. Google was my best friend. I couldn’t go a day without googling exessively. Overthinking, pacing, googling. Any day, any hour awake. Over weeks. A few months even. My mind was constantly reeling. It was a bottomless pit.

I cannot put into words how exhausting that was. Sometimes the idea of throwing myself out of the next window seemed SO tempting, not because I wanted to die, but because I wanted the thoughts to stop tormenting me.

(I was out of regular therapy at the time, btw. I thought about calling my therapist about it but never did it. I felt isolated, I literally thought I had to do this all by myself.)

At some point, a few months into it, I somehow transferred to zombie mode. The thoughts became a little less intense over time. They were never gone but not quite as nagging anymore. But any time I wasn’t in alert mode, I felt just hollow instead. Sucked dry of any joy, of any emotion, of any sign of life. I just... functioned. Still tried to hide it. I dunno how well I did with that. Probably not at all well. I kept it all to myself, just because it felt that ridiculous. Tried to find excuses. “I’m just tired.”, “You know, there’s a lot going on in my head right now, but I’ll be good.” ... truth is that I don’t remember a whole lot of that time, it’s all blurry. There are just a few significant moments.

Such as that one evening, after work, when I left the building, made a few steps and stood five (or ten? fifteen??? who knows?! not me.) minutes on the spot, motionless, because I could no longer remember my way home.

I got fired from that job, by the way. I’m sure it was mostly due to low performance, I get it, but I can’t blame my poor state alone - they were also assholes.

Anyway.

I had, of course, never stopped the googling and one day, after hours of browsing any niche I hoped I hadn’t browsed yet, I somehow found a blog written by a young woman like me. The description tackled almost all of my thought patterns and I was blown. away. She asked herself the very same questions, with the very same twists, and... she even had a name for it.

ROCD. Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I cried for what felt like hours. Out of relief. There was a person in this world who knew exactly what I was going through. And she even had tips how to overcome it. It wasn’t the first time I had heard about OCD, but as it had never affected me in any way before (I, too, associated it with compulsive hand washing and tile jumping), I wouldn’t have thought of it. After doing my own intense research on the subject, a huge part of me and my life finally started making sense to me. Not much was known about ROCD at the time, but it kinda didn’t matter anyway. What mattered was the OCD part. The subject of the thoughts is entirely interchangable. It’s the chain of thoughts itself that has to be broken. Don’t focus on the relationship. Break the chain instead.

The internet also recommended exposure therapy but as therapy wasn’t an option at the time (weird German laws... regular health insurance covers only a limited amount of therapy lessons within a certain span of time and I had used mine up and there was no way I could pay myself), I decided to try it myself, the key points being:

* No more googling, no more reassurance. Learn to live with the uncertainty, learn to live with Not Knowing.

* Let the thoughts happen. Watch them pass by. They’re just thoughts, they can’t harm you. Don’t fight them, just recognize them and let them stay, they’ll get less scary over time.

* Focus on other things, as hard as it is. Try to occupy your mind and your body. Any minute you spend doing something else but brooding is a win.

It all sounded so very abstract at the time, but I was determined to give it a try. Oh gosh, was it hard. After months of emotional torment and getting used to unhealthy ways of coping, it was SO DAMN FUCKING HARD to NOT google. To NOT think. It felt like torment all over again. How was I supposed to just let the thought sit with me!? It was scary, I didn’t want it! Just ONE little peek, only a second, come ON! I won’t do it again after that?!

Oh god, it was the worst, it really was. Trying to break the chain while I was so desperate to save my relationship was terrible. I honestly don’t remember HOW I made it... but I made it. I somehow... clawed and bit my way out of it. I went right through the pain and made it. It’s not actually a linear process but there comes this point (and I know a few people I met on online platforms who would back me up on this) when you know the worst is over. You just know it. Things weren’t exactly good by the time the thoughts were history but I had reign over my own head again, I could actually SEE the world again, and that was worth everything plus my body weight in gold.

I’ll stop right here because the following months weren’t about my OCD anymore, but about figuring out needs, figuring out myself and what I wanted from life and this particular relationship and it’s not quite relevant and another story. (I DID love my ex-BF but it turned out he wasn’t at all good for me, I had ignored all the red flags for too long, and it didn’t take long after this for us to go separate ways)

I hated this particular time in my life while it lasted but I have learned and taken so much from it. It has changed my life in so many ways. I learned that things are never set in stone, not for anyone. That there will always be uncertain times on our ways. That change is always scary. That it’s okay to be scared. That staying in crappy situations for the sake of it isn’t always the right thing to do. Sometimes, doing the right thing (aka leaving a relationship that isn’t good for you) can make you sad. Love does not equal compatibility.

Looking back, I am - in a very bizarre and twisted way - grateful for the experience. It was an incredibly important lesson for me that taught me to be kinder to myself, to look out for myself and to listen to my own needs. That I should put myself first at times. For the first time of my life, I really got in touch with myself and my own emotions. I learned to understand them, I learned where they come from. I learned to cut myself slack at times.

The list goes on and on, but you get my drift. I know myself inside and out at this point. That wasn’t always the case. Not until 2016.

It still comes back at times. Not with such full force, but it keeps creeping back in, pretty much any time I have to deal with uncertainty in my life. Bad news at work, not hearing from a friend for a while that I’m dying to hear from (inevitably thinking that they MUST be mad at me) or when I spot a few symptoms of sickness that I’m not familiar with (I practically never get sick). Not Knowing What Will Happen drives me CRAZY. I hate uncertainty, I need my life to be stable and calm to fully function.

Now, in COVID times, it’s mostly the fear of suffering from an incurable disease. AGAIN. I’m familiar with that, too. I’m not even scared of catching the virus, I just fell right back into overthinking any symptom I have, even if it’s just a short pain in the neck or whatever (you know, things that one usually brushes off). When my life was busier, I was MUCH better at handling those thoughts. Most of the time, they didn’t even come up in first place. Sitting inside and avoiding contact 99,9% of all times, and having little to no actual distraction („reading/watching movies“ doesn’t help me personally, it does’t occupy my mind enough, I usually just stare right through the pages/screen), however, leaves FAR too much time for the thoughts to unfold, once they come up.

This subtle but lingering concern for my health puts my body into a permanent state of anxiety once more. Fight and Flight mode. The pace of my heartbeat is always slightly, but perpetually, increased. It isn’t always outright panic attacks, it’s this constant state of having to be… alert. Something MIGHT happen, y’know. Be prepared. Relaxing and doing nice things becomes almost impossible. Instead, I get tired and exhausted. Depressed, even. It sucks the joy right out of me. I feel like living under a glass dome. I see what’s happening around me but I am unable to connect, emotionally. People keep living their lives and I can watch them, but I can’t be a part of it. It’s a deeply crushing feeling. I manage to somehow function but I don’t really feel alive. My abandonment issues and fear of „getting left behind“ kicked in again, too. I want to catch up and take part but can’t so I stress myself over THAT, too. This only adds to the exhaustion and makes me feel even more isolated.

Hello, vicious circle, my old friend.

I didn’t even realize that I had such huge potential to fall right back into it. It all started… I dunno, by mid/end of January?? It’s a bit blurry this time. It is directly connected to Germany’s recent lockdown, though. A massive case of Not Knowing How Things Will Turn Out. I failed to take better care of myself in the past few weeks. And now I’m here. AGAIN. Ugh.

But well, as I said, it’s not as bad and, as I said, I have at least learned some important things over the years. In this particular case of intrusive thoughts, the first rule is: NEVER GOOGLE SYMPTOMS. And never google shit like „chances to survive (whatever illness think you have at the time)“, either. The mind longs for reassurance but googling symptoms is BAD, as we all know by now. It’s not even reassuring when you do it. Because you’ll inevitably end up diving through the vast internet for HOURS, picking up an entry that some person named Kevin made on a cancer forum way back in 2004, saying that his uncle died the next day after finding out he has cancer and that is, OF COURSE, what will happen to YOU, too. There is no other way. YOU WILL DIE.

Excuse the text walls. I took an opportunity to ramble about my own experience, for the first time ever since it happened (not including the few short talks I had with the few people I met on internet forums).

To anyone who made it this far: Thank you so much for reading. It sure felt good to write this down for once, even if it’s just a short summary (yes, really, I mean, we’re talking six-ish months here), and the descriptions fall woefully short. If anyone affected by the same happens to read this - I am so, SO sorry you are suffering so much. You are NOT alone and you are NOT weird. Talk to someone. Open up. To your doctor, or you therapist, if you have one. To a person you trust. It is the worst but there are ways, there is help. I wish I had known at the time it started for me.

You know now. :)

P.S.: DON’T FUCKING GOOGLE:

#ocd #rocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #relationship obsessive compulsive disorder #mental disorder #sanne rambles

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kayliemusing · 3 years

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42: top 3s

1: Top 3 ice cream flavors - classic vanilla, birthday cake/birthday batter, bubblegum

2: Top 3 Disney Movies - Mulan, Onward, Soul (but this changes frequently lol)

3: Top 3 vacation destinations - I've never been outside of my home country so I'll say my top 3 DREAM destinations: NYC, Hawaii, a random countryside in either France or the UK

4: Top 3 places to shop - Dynamite, Sephora, Winners/Homesense

5: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take - English/anything creative writing related, Interior Decorating/Design, Communications?

6: Top 3 make up products - YSL Touche Eclat Foundation, literally any Mac Lipstick but it has to be matte, & Fenty Beauty contour stick

7: Top 3 music artists - Taylor Swift - Of Monsters and Men - The Lumineers

8: Top 3 spices/herbs - Cinnamon - Nutmeg (literally tastes like autumn) - Paprika

9: Top 3 drinks - Diet Coke - Hot Chocolate - Vanilla Bean Frappe

10: Top 3 apps to use - Instagram - Pinterest -iBooks

11: Top 3 months of the year - May, October, December

12: Top 3 clothing items - My black/white turtle neck, high waisted jeans, plaid blazer

13: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows - Bones, Supernatural, Brooklyn Nine Nine

14: Top 3 romantic dates - (I've never been on a date but if I had, it would be this) Evening walk, late night drive, late night coffee date (tbh anything at night feels romantic)

15: Top 3 kinds of flower - Water lilies, cherry blossoms, roses

16: Top 3 christmas movies - A Christmas Carol (2009), Home Alone, The Polar Express

17: Top 3 OTPs - Nesta and Cassian from ACOTAR series by SJM, Manon and Dorian from Throne of Glass series by SJM, Casteel and Poppy from From Blood and Ash series by JLM.

18: Top 3 quotes to describe your life - "I write not to find, but to leave" by Scherezade Siobhan - "I want to be myself again. I want to be six. I want to stop knowing everything I know" by Catherynne M. Valente - "The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get" by Joanna Hoffman.

19: Top 3 characteristics you love about yourself - my kindness bc it's not surface level kindness, but actually something deeply rooted within me - my resilience even tho sometimes it doesn't feel like resilience - my loyalty bc it is a hard as steel kind of loyalty

20: Top 3 kinds of candy - Maltesers, Kit kats, smarties

21: Top 3 ways to exercise/ be active - Walking, dancing, mowing the lawn/shoveling the sidewalk

22: Top 3 spirit animals - wolf, hummingbird, tiger (i googled it bc i didn't know and i was scared it was a joke but)

23: Top 3 petnames - I like 'lovebug', 'love', 'sweetheart'

24: Top 3 books read outside of school - The Hating Game by Sally Thorne, A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J Maas but viewers discretion is advised, Crush by Richard Siken

25: Top 3 most used websites - Youtube, Tumblr, Pinterest

26: Top 3 people you last texted - my mom, my bestie megan, and my sister bc they're the only people i text...

27: Top 3 hashtags you use - the only time i use hashtags is if i'm trying to promote some of my writing so I'll usually use writingcommunity, writersonig, poetryonig lol

28: Top 3 instagram accounts you follow - Trista Mateer, Griefmother, obviously taylor swift

29: Top 3 guilty pleasures - buzzfeed quizzes, early 2000s music, romance novels

30: Top 3 summer activities - Going to the zoo, long evening walks, campfires and s'mores

31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle - hearts, flowers, random swirls bc it's the only thing i can doodle...

32: Top 3 aesthetics - cityscape aesthetic, autumn aesthetic, rustic aesthetic

33: Top 3 things you'd buy if you gained three million dollars - a new car, a condo, another cat

34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself - facial, a large bag of maltesers, buying the makeup i really want but have been putting off

35: Top 3 celebrity crushes - Evan Peters, Matthew Daddario, henry cavill

36: Top 3 books from your childhood - Love You Forever by Robert Munsch, The Big Friendly Giant by Roald Dahl, and Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmens

37: Top 3 accents to hear - Australian, super poshy british accent, new zealand accent

38: Top 3 scents - Fresh rain, vanilla, sweet cinnamon pumpkin from bath and body works

39: Top 3 "Friends" quotes - "WE WERE ON A BREAK" -Ross, "Guess things were just going too well for me" -also ross, and "it's so exhausting waiting for death" - phoebe

40: Top 3 cupcake flavors - tbh I haven't tried that many cupcakes so your typical vanilla, chocolate, and Pink Lady Cupcake from Babycakes Cupcakery

41: Top 3 fruits - Pomegranates, Strawberries, Raspberries

42: Top 3 places you've had amazing pizza from - Pizzahut, Dominos, Pizza73

43: Top 3 sports teams to watch - i don't

44: Top 3 crayola colors - uh, i guess red, purple, and pink??

45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college - Certificates/Degrees in Copyediting and Creative Writing, and I think simply just deeper critical thinking skills when it comes to writing and books

46: Top 3 fanfictions you've read - I read more books than fanfics, I've read a couple on tumblr but don't remember the names sorry :/

47: Top 3 people you miss right now - my dad, my best friend bc she's in vancouver, taylor swift bc she's not on tumblr anymore rip

48: Top 3 fears - Failure, Loss, not achieving anything in life/not reaching my full potential

49: Top 3 favorite literary devices - Foreshadowing is always god tier, cliffhangers although evil i love those too, symbolism

50: Top 3 pet peeves - People dragging their shoes on the floor when they walk, when you tell someone your fav hobby/music artist/interest and they immediately go 'oh I hate X!', and people who go 'you're so quiet!!!' but in a way that draws in more attention and/or makes me feel more uncomfortable like i would literally rather die

51: Top 3 physical things you find attractive - Hands, nice hair, defined jawlines

52: Top 3 bad habits - Nailbiting, picking at my blemishes oops, lip biting

53: Top 3 pets you've had/wish to have - Cats bc they complete me, I've always wanted a Samoyed, and I've always wanted a turtle

54: Top 3 types of foreign food - Chicken Chow Mein, deep fried shrimp, japanese chicken wings

55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime - 'I quit', 'I love you', 'you changed my life'

56: Top 3 dog breeds - Samoyed, german shepherds, collies

57: Top 3 cheesy romance movies - You've Got Mail, How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days, 10 Things I Hate About You

58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak - French, Sign, and maybe Japanese?

59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television) - The Cruel Prince series by Holly Black, A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas (but literally only for Cassian and Nesta), From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout

60: Top 3 pizza toppings - Mushrooms, alfredo sauce, pineapple

61: Top 3 youtubers you're subscribed to - Game Grumps, Charlotte Dobre, Megan Batoon

62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas - I want to get a tattoo on my wrist of the last thing my dad ever wrote me, a hummingbird tattoo right next to it, and then a cross on my index finger

63: Top 3 awards you want to win - National Book Awards, Nobel Prize, and maybe even Goodreads Choice Awards lol

64: Top 3 emojis - Laugh/Crying emoji, the please sir emoji that kinda gives off those puss n boots eyes, and the stars emoji

65: Top 3 cars you dream of owning - 1970s Chev Impala, tbh a cute little Hyundai Venue, and maaaaybe the 1964 ferarri 250 gt luso (idk if that name was totally right but i had to do tons of googling to find it. i don't know a lot about cars and i don't really have a top 3 lol)

66: Top 3 authors - Right now I'm really into Sarah J Maas, Sally Thorne, and Holly Black maybe?

67: Top 3 historical figures - Jesus, Anne Frank, Vincent Van Gogh

68: Top 3 baby names - Ryder, Leila, Gracie

69: Top 3 DIYs - Candles, refurnishing old furniture (i.e. my mom and i painted our wooden garbage can), and really just any type of autumn diy

70: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors - Strawberry/Banana, Mango, Strawberry-Mango

71: Top 3 songs of this month - Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish, Biblical by Calum Scott, and Visiting Hours by Ed Sheeran

72: Top 3 questions of this post you want to be asked - I did them all bc I made it a survey instead of an ask meme ;)

73: Top 3 villains - Regina/The Evil Queen from Once Upon a Time, Cruella De Vil, and Moriarty from Sherlock

74: Top 3 Cities you want to see - Montreal, NYC, Vancouver (honorable mention: LA)

75: Top 3 recipes you want to try - different kind of salad and/or burger bowls, Stuffed bell peppers, and homemade lemon loaf

76: Top 3 dream jobs - Bestselling author, the person who runs a companies social media accounts, youtuber/blogger

77: Top 3 lucky items - tbh don't have one

78: Top 3 traditions you have - Christmas Eve Service and if I don't go to that at least incorporating reading the christmas story on christmas day or eve, idk if this counts as tradition but going to the corn maze every fall, and whenever it's easter/christmas/thanksgiving we always have a big meal w/ family

79: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid - reckless abandon, dreaming about growing up with hopefulness and no dashed hopes, experiencing holidays like halloween and christmas as a kid

80: Top 3 harry potter characters - I've never read or watched Harry Potter rip (ok well i saw the first and second (and maybe third?) movie in the sixth grade I think) but I think I really liked Hermoine, Harry obviously and Dobby

81: Top 3 lies you were told - i don't have 3, but this one has a story but basically when my sister and i were in elementary school my sister got hit by a car and so the insurance thing was that she would recieve 10k when she was 18 and as a child i thought that was unfair so my dad told me that my sister had to split it with me when we were 18 lmao obviously that didn't happen (i think i realized that wasn't true in middle school)

82: Top 3 pictures in your camera roll right now - Pictures of my cat, one of my sister in a hilarious filter, and a picture of my rocking my TS merch

83: Top 3 turn ons - Kindness, defined jawline, easy going

84: Top 3 turn offs - arrogance, unkempt, super loud and obnoxious

85: Top 3 magazines/news papers/ journals to read - I don't read much of those so I'll tell you some sites I love for writing purpose's: there's Wellstoried, justwriterlythings, springhole.net (which is filled with generators if you're stuck and also tons of infomation and advice)

86: Top 3 things you wish you had known earlier - that toad in Mario Party was wearing a mushroom hat and that it is actually not his head, that immaculate means 'clean' before i misused that word like several times over the years, and that the one turn i always take on my way to work where i thought everyone didn't know how to drive was actually bc i didn't have the right of way rip me

87: Top 3 spongebob episodes - the one episode where spongebob and patrick find a ghost ship, that one episode where they form a bikini bottom band and perform it at a football game in a little fish tank, and the one episode where squidward has his first snowball fight

88: Top 3 places to be in the world - I'd love to be in NYC, Montreal, or Hawaii

89: Top 3 things you'd do differently - I would not have applied for RDC, similarly I should have just paid the 500 dollars to the one certificate program I wanted to do instead of overthinking it, and I wish I wouldn't have ended a friendship the way I did

90: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood - Spongebob Squarepants, That's So Raven, and Hannah Montana

91: Top 3 meals you love - Turkey Burgers, Chilli, and Instant Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup

92: Top 3 kinds of tea - i don't drink tea

93: Top 3 embarrassing moments - one time in sixth grade I tripped and fell right on my face in front of my crush, this other time like a couple years ago i opened the door to my car and only realized much too late while i was staring at this random family that it was not my car, and when i went to the gas station to get gas and couldn't get my gas lid on my car opened and this guy had to help me which was already embarrassing enough but then the gas pump wouldn't work so i had to go inside to pay just to realize i forgot my wallet and had to shamefully walk back to my car and then run back inside the convenience store and then pay and then walk back to my car and finally fill my tank.

94: Top 3 holidays to celebrate - Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving

95: Top 3 things to do in the rain - have an existential crisis, pretend you're in a music video, walk through puddles like you're six again

96: Top 3 things to do in the snow - Sledding, Build a snowman, shovel it even tho you don't want to

97: Top 3 items you can't leave the house w/o - phone, keys, wallet

98: Top 3 movies you'd like to see - Jurassic World 3, Hotel Transylvania: Transformania bc i'm a child, and the animation of the addams family

99: Top 3 art mediums - Writing fiction/poetry, painting, music

100: Top 3 museums you've been to - Royal Tyrell Museum, Canadian History one in edmonton lol, and heritage park in calgary

101: Top 3 school memories - Middle school dances when the popular kids would grind to the song "Low" which was always an interesting experience, in the twelfth grade at winter formal when we all shouted "SHUT UP AND DANCE!" at the same time when they played Shut Up and Dance, and the day i left

102: Top 3 things you don't/Won't miss - School, my sisters ex, 2016 bc she was a rough year yikes

103: Top 3 pick up lines - "My name is Will. God's Will.", "I'd like to take you to the movies but they don't like you bring your own snacks", "are you from tennessee bc you're the only 10 i see"

104: Top 3 sports to watch - none of them

105: Top 3 taylor swift songs - all too well - exile - coney island

#survey

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adrienne-fh · 3 years

Text

From the desk of...

Day 1- Introduce yourself! What’s some basic info you’d like to share about yourself? Also! What are you studying? (If you’re in college, what’s your major? which semester are you in?)

I am adrienne-fh. I am a non-traditional adult student attempting to complete my first Bachelor's Degree. I am a student at Oregon State University on hiatus. I studied Psychology and Statistics. I hope to resume soon.

I enjoy singing, reading, writing, twitch streaming. Starcraft, Hearthstone, World of Warcraft - RPGs, RTS, and fighting games are fun. I also enjoy Chess. I wear monochromatic outfits with an eye for textures. I’m a curly girl. All-natural everything but wear wigs as my hair grows back from a buzz cut.

I am an ordained minister through Universal Life Church. It is much more than being a wedding officiant! I offer a host of ministerial services including ceremonies for baptism, the dying, and funerals.

I am a person with chronic illness: Fibromyalgia and PTSD. This causes a range of difficulties, the hardest to deal with being pain and exhaustion. I’m a walking pin cushion with a pillow.

Day 2- If you’ve chosen a major, why did you decide on it? If you’re in any other grade, what field/major interests you the most?

I am interested in human behavior and high performers and the dark triad. I love to understand how our mind works. Because I am interested in psychometrics and informatics, I am developing my skill in statistics and programming.

I enjoy human-computer interaction and Natural Language Processing. AI and its impact on what it means to be a working adult are intriguing. Children are at an advantage, learning more skills sooner. All this, combined with wanting to be a part of the new wave of IoT and AI, starts with understanding who we are to appreciate who we are becoming. The impact on our decision-making and empathy is stunning.

I am a Mental Health Peer Supporter seeking provisional certification. I am also seeking ways to improve my pastoral counseling services. Psychology is key in many endeavors, even writing complex characters!

Day 3- Have you done a challenge before? If so, how was it? If not, what are you expecting to get out of this experience?

Yes! 100 Days of Productivity. I forget to post sometimes. I would like to develop consistency and use my blog to keep me accountable. Because I’m not so broken up about not always completing what I set out to do, I focus more on the joy of sharing my story with others and the connections I could make.

Day 4- For my researching fellows, what are you researching? If you’re not currently researching, what is the topic within your field that you’re most passionate about?

Mainly, the effectiveness of Online Mental Health Communities. How to make Online Health Communities work better. How we interact with Online Mental Health Communities and how they affect the way we feel and behave. How can Fountain House use its Virtual Club House to improve life satisfaction amongst members?

I also research trends in AI, Beauty, and Goal Achievement.

Day 5- Tag 3 studyblrs that you like seeing on your dashboard.

@a-medstudents-journey

@theologei

@a-study-in-dante

Day 6- Quickly! tag urself!

five pm. warm smiles. classy. aesthetic Instagram feed. anklets. soft music. yoga. face masks. @adrienne-fh

Day 7- Some of your music faves right now (let’s say up to 5)

ABBA, Madonna, Vienna Teng, Ashnikko, Billie Ellish

Day 8- International Women’s Day! What’s your take on feminism?

It is obviously not much of a choice to be respectful to anyone, no matter gender or preference. We can complain about the conversations we are having or do more to have them. We have to treat each other better - humans in general.

Day 9- Write something that you’d like to tell yourself.

You can do it! You are doing it! It is getting better! Focus. Get rid of all the junk! You deserve the love and life you keep giving to everyone else.

Day 10- Tag someone whose aesthetic you love seeing on your feed.

@justanotherstudyblrinthecrowd

Day 11- What’s something that you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t got the chance to do so?

Stand in front of the Louvre. Visit the Basílica i Temple Expiatori de la Sagrada Família. Fall in deep mutual kind and compassionate love with lots of romance and care. Publish a print book - short stories, essays, novels, novellas, and of course poetry. I have a lot to share!

Day 12- Are you more into plants or flowers? What’s your fave type?

I really love succulents. The best of both. I really really love moss!

Day 13- Tell us the most eye-opening book you’ve read.

Oh. That’s really hard. I think of The Da Vinci Code and The Human Stain. Any book by Jonathan Safran Foer, particularly Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.

Day 14- What are some of the reasons you love yourself/should love yourself?

I am a divine child of light that believes in the cosmos lining up and giving all of us a big wink with a smile. I’m silly and playful. I’m dead serious smart, psychic, and a crazy protector of love and personal freedom. I fight away evil with nurturing and honesty. I’m a bit crazy and zany. I’m bizarre. I’m pretty much free-spirited and open with an edge.

Day 15- Tag someone who you think would get along just right with you.

@manuxstudies

Day 16- What’s your go-to coffee/tea/beverage order?

Venti Flat White with sugar in the raw or Keto-Friendly Stevia Drops. Both are delicious.

Day 17- Share with us your feel-good playlist.

Deep Focus

Brain Food

The Show Must Go On (Curated)

Day 18- Tag someone whose blog you constantly check.

@bakinginthewoods

Day 19- Tell us about your online experience (is it sometimes overwhelming? Do you feel like it's a great way to get in touch with people? What’s something that you love seeing on here?)

Tumblr is soothing. Other online communities, not so much. I have gotten bullied, cyberattacked, stolen from, and had trouble with employment because of online hijinks based on Gossip and “Mean-Girling”. People who are stressed out and have a reputation to uphold lash out at people who are viewed as a threat (for whatever reason). We, as netizens, know that the whole “Bro Culture” thing can be toxic. I experienced gossip on steroids that resulted in financial loss, illness, and loss of employment. Hard to prove. However, finding and creating healthy spaces online that encourage creativity and sharing is possible. Some of my favorite supportive communities are Github, Quora, and Deviant Art. If you know of any, share a link in my comments.

Day 20- What are three things that inspire you?

Music. I love deep lyrics and heavy percussion and bass. My journal entries. I love reading what I'm actually thinking (same with Vlogs). People-watching. You learn a lot about what matters watching our interactions silently.

Day 21- Share a quote that speaks to you.

“He who fears he will suffer already suffers because he fears.”

— Michel De Montaigne.

Day 22- What’s your comfort food/ comfort routine for sad days?

Peanut Butter and Jelly with a tall glass of cow milk.

Day 23- What’s some random miscellaneous piece of information that you just happen to know?

Kirk Hammett of Metallica met his wife while a film, jazz, and Asian studies student at SFU in CA.

Day 24- Share with us your favorite word (it can be in any language).

Pus. It's the Swedish word for Kiss. Bra, also Swedish, means good.

Day 25- Tag someone who has great text posts

@adrienne-fh

Day 26- What has been your best zoomester experience so far?

I can’t say which. This is pretty nice.

Day 27- If you’re about to graduate, what’s something that you’ll miss from school? If you aren’t about to graduate, tell us something you really love about school.

I enjoy reading and understanding difficult concepts. What a joy after a few hours of reading to finally understand!

Day 28- Spill the tea about the things that you’ve done during the zoomester (Online shopping, courses taken, any hobby)

I’ve doodled. I’ve zoned out. I’ve watched Twitch.

Day 29- Quick! Name your own aesthetic! or alternatively, what’s an aesthetic you’d like to try out?

Romanti-goth, Vamp, Cyber Punk (kinda). Pinup.

Day 30- What’s the best advice someone has given you?

Fake it till you make it. Show up and never give up. Burn your boats!

Day 31- Send three people some uplifting messages!

@ava-embers Write more sexy stuff doll face.

@studyingwhilepsychotic smooches to my soul sister. Rage on wild child.

@twitchb-tch Shut up! You are too cute. You guys rock!

#zoomester studyblr challenge #studyblr #positive mental attitude #career #education #mental health #fibromyalgia

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theundercovermarvelfan · 3 years

Text

Whumptober 2020 - Day 31

And it is MIDNIGHT EXACTLY as I am posting this FINAL prompt! Thank you to everyone who has followed along and thank you to @whumptober2020 for putting on this awesome event!

Whumtober Challenge

Day 31 Alternate Prompt #11 Presumed Dead

It had been a long ass day.

Clint had come off a rough mission a couple weeks ago and was still working on getting back up to physically fit to return to active status as a SHIELD Agent and an Avenger. He had spent the entire day at the SHIELD base upstate working out and running training exercises to make sure he would be well prepared for his assessment in just a few days. He was sick of sitting around Avengers Tower and he felt like he was more than ready to get back into the field.

Clint could have stayed upstate on the SHIELD base, but over the last year and a half since the Avengers had moved into the Tower after the Loki incident, the Tower was finally feeling like home to Clint. And tonight Clint just wanted to be able to sleep in his own bed. So, he got in his car just after six o’clock in the evening and started the four hour drive back home.

He was about halfway home when his phone rang, interrupting his blaring classic rock music.

“Yeah?” Clint said as he answered the phone, not glancing at the caller ID.

“Hey, Clint, just checking in,” came Natasha’s voice over the line. “How did it go on base today?”

“It went fine,” Clint assured her. “I was able to run a couple extra training exercises than I had planned on. I’m a little sore, but I feel good about taking the assessment in a couple days.”

“Does that mean you’ll take it easy for a few days?” Natasha asked pointedly. When Clint was benched from missions he tended to get obsessive about getting back to active status.

“I think I can go back to just working out and training in the Tower if that’s what you mean,” Clint said cheekily, knowing that it wasn’t.

Natasha sighed heavily and Clint just knew she was rolling her eyes. “Are you staying on base tonight?”

“No, I wanted to come home tonight,” Clint said. “I’m actually driving back now.”

“How far out are you?”

Clint paused. There was something… off in Natasha’s voice. The question had come across just a shade too… demanding.

“I’m probably about an hour and a half or so out,” Clint said carefully. “Is everything okay, Nat?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Natasha assured him, and all traces of the strange tone were gone. Had Clint just imagined it? “Just attempting to keep tabs on you since you’re here, there and everywhere these days. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Yeah, see you in a bit,” Clint agreed before he disconnected the call, the bluetooth immediately switching back over to his blaring music.

Of the course of the next hour and a half, the odd conversation with Natasha slowly but surely slid to the back of Clint’s mind as he lost himself in the music. It was after ten o’clock at night when Clint was finally pulling into the parking garage underneath Avengers Tower. He gave a big yawn as he pulled his duffle bag out of the backseat and slung it over his shoulder. Then he trudged over to the elevator, blinking heavily as the exhaustion hit him hard now that he was no longer behind the wheel of a car.

When he got into the elevator, he instinctively hit the button for his apartment floor. But as the doors were closing, he changed his mind and hit the button for the common floor. He had skipped dinner that night and figured there were probably some leftovers he could snag from the communal refrigerator.

Clint stepped out onto the common floor to find that all the Avengers were gathered, and all looked at him when he entered. Clint hesitated, looking around warily at the serious faces that had all turned to him at the same time. The television wasn’t on, they had all apparently been just sitting around, which was odd for this time of night.

And then Clint spotted Nick Fury standing on the other side of the room, arms crossed as he leaned back against the wall behind him. That’s when Clint really knew something was wrong.

“What happened?” Clint asked as he let the bag slide off his shoulder and onto the floor.

“Why don’t you come sit down,” Natasha invited, her voice solemn.

Clint didn’t move, his eyes darting around the room once around. “Is this an intervention?”

The comment at least got a half hearted chuckle from a few in the room.

“It’s nothing like that,” Steve assured him, his tone light. “There’s just something we need to tell you, and we figured it’d be better if we were all together for it.”

“Okay,” Clint said slowly as he carefully started walking forward, completely baffled by the situation. What could possibly be going on that made everyone look at him like that?

“It’s nothing bad, I promise you,” Natasha said as he sat on the couch next to her.

“We’re just trying to find a way to do this that won’t immediately give you a stroke or a heart attack,” Tony input.

“Okay, just tell me what’s going on,” Clint pleaded.

“Nick,” Natasha prompted, looking over at Fury expectantly.

Nick Fury sighed heavily before he pushed himself upright off of the wall. “I want you to know, I never wanted to put you through this, Barton. It was never my intention. It made sense in the big picture, but I knew what it would do to you in particular and I hated it. And it was always my intention to tell you what happened… but there isn’t exactly a protocol for how to break this kind of news.”

“Okay, we gotta pull the ripcord here at some point,” Tony said pointedly.

“SHIELD had a program under Level 9 clearance called Project T.A.H.I.T.I.,” Fury went on. “Can’t imagine you’ve heard of it?” Clint only shook his head. “I cannot get into the details of the project, for obvious security reasons, but suffice it to say the goal of the project was to be able to heal wounds that otherwise would be fatal. It was designed to be able to save someone that would have otherwise been beyond saving. We’ve had mixed results from the project over the years, so when I called it into action a while ago, there was no guarantee that it would work. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.”

Clint’s head was spinning. “Fury, I’m going to be honest with you, I am dead tired and I have no fucking clue where you’re going with all this or even what any of it means.”

“Clint… Phil Coulson is alive.”

There was that ripcord that Tony had been talking about. It was like the world had fallen out from underneath Clint. His heart paused, twisted and then started pumping wildly and out of control. He suddenly felt like he wasn’t getting enough air and for some reason he couldn’t feel his hands. He was floating away, untethered to the earth any long as his reality was ripped apart.

Clint found himself shaking his head. “No… no… no, Phil is… he’s dead. I… I saw it. I saw the security footage. I watched… Phil’s dead. We… we buried him.” Clint looked around wildly. This was some kind of sick joke. But no one was laughing. Then was everyone else losing their minds? “He died, Loki killed him!”

“Clint,” Natasha said softly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulders. “I know how hard this is to get your mind around. I know how painful your mourning process was and how long it took for you to accept it. And I know that this completely destroys that entire process that you went through. But it’s true. Phil is alive. Fury managed to save him with Project T.A.H.I.T.I.”

“Phil Coulson was clinically dead when the med team arrived on the scene after Loki stabbed him,” Fury said, a little too clinically for Clint’s mental state at that point. “We were never completely sure that we would be able to bring him back. And even when we did, we were never completely sure we could successfully heal him. It was a day by day operation that lasted for months.”

Clint dropped his head into trembling hands. He shook his head. This wasn’t real. There was no way this was real. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe this was another nightmare. He had spent months grieving the loss of his mentor and best friend. He had been completely shattered by Phil Coulson’s death. This man had taken him off the streets as a teenager and given him a purpose in life. He was the most stable person in Clint’s life, he was Clint’s anchor in the world. He was Clint’s family. Losing Phil had almost broken Clint.

It couldn’t be that easy to get him back. Could it?

“Clint?”

Clint head shot up so quickly that he just about pulled a muscle in his neck. He would know that voice anywhere. The figure had stepped in from an adjacent room and now stood there like a specter. Except he wasn’t. He was flesh and blood. He breathed and he smiled that comforting smile that Clint had always loved so much.

Clint was on his feet one moment, and then across the room the next. He threw his arms around Phil with such force that he almost knocked them both over. But it was at that moment it finally hit him. This was real.

Phil was alive.

“It’s okay, kid,” Phil soothed as hugged Clint back just as fiercely. “It’s okay.”

“You… you were… I thought you were…” Tears were now flowing freely down Clint’s face.

“I know,” Phil said gently. “I know. I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you sooner. I just… we didn’t know how to tell you.”

He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything in that moment other than the feeling of Phil’s arms wrapped securely around him.

He was home.

XxXxX

DISCLAIMER: I know this probably doesn’t fit in exactly with the events of the Agents of SHIELD tv show, I kinda tailored it to what I needed this prompt to do. Also, Fury deliberately leaves out important details about Project T.A.H.I.T.I. ;)

#whumptober2020 #altno.11 #presumed dead #Avengers #MCU #fic #clint barton #hawkeye #natasha romanoff #Black Widow #tony stark #Iron Man #Steve Rogers #captain america #Nick Fury #Phil Coulson #fanfiction #whump

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galaxy-ji · 4 years

Text

𝐈𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲

September 2, 1979

You glanced at Minho, as he locked his eyes with you. Filled with agony, pain and misery, he managed to mumble "I love you y/n, please be happy" before jumping off the building. You watched, helplessly, heavy-heartedly as your boyfriend fell to the ground, a pool of crimson surrounding him. You lowered your head, clutching your hair in your arms as you feel an incoming headache. You fell to the ground, clothes wet of both rain and tears, you couldn't bear the pain. Your mind was completely blank, only minho was there.

You never thought you would come to this point. Where did it all go wrong? Was it your fault? You thought to yourself every night, crying yourself to sleep.

September 26, 1979

Many nights passed, but that day was still bothering you. You were walking past the dark alleyways of your town as you heard gunshots. As you made a sharp left to your apartment, the sounds were getting louder, and louder. Then that was it. You felt a bullet pierce your body, you fell down due to the extreme pain, tears brimming in your eyes. You were finally gonna meet Minho.

August 28, 2020

You went to the library to return the books you've borrowed last week. When a book caught your attention. 'Miracles Happen, The Transformational Healing Power of Past-Life Memories', a book about past life regression. You made a mental note to read it after the upcoming exams.

August 31, 2020

It was Monday, the most mentally and physically exhausting day of the week. You prepared yourself as you walk past Lee Minho's group of friends.

"Wow our y/nnie is avoiding us, might as well teach her a lesson after class huh?"

Yes, this was your life, an ill university student, who ALWAYS aims for A's. You weren't exactly the friendly type, and you, throughout middle and high school, didn't get along with Lee Minho.

The bell rang.

You picked up your pace to the dorms in hopes of being free from teasing. But you couldn't be more wrong. 2 of Minho's friend grabbed you by your arms, proceeding to drag and shove you onto an unknown corner of the university. Your heart ached. Your cardiologist always have warned you about the risks of your disease, one of them being death.

You met Minho's glance as his mouth stretched into a devilish smile, his feline eyes sparkling, yes he was attractive in terms of looks, but in terms of attitude? nah boi. Minho's friend slapped you.

"Who said you have the right to avoid us y/n?"

This annoying long haired blond really gets on your nerves a lot.

You wanted to fight back, but you couldn't due to the 2 holding your arms. Your heart constantly aching.

Then the black-haired guy, who looks kind, which is actually the opposite of his attitude, punched your stomach. You knew you were gonna vomit blood later.

The rest now joined forces in beating you up, you swore that they could've just killed you.

They left you there, tear-stained cheeks, bruises all-over, body aching. You tried your best to stand up and walk to the dorms. As you arrived at the doorway of your room, your roommate, Minhee, saw you. She immediately helped you to sit on the couch, asking what you need.

"What in the world of pure shit happened y/n"

"i-i don't know"

You clenched your hand on your chest as you spoke, the pain in your chest was too much to handle.

"i-i'll call an ambulance"

Everything was so fast that you could hardly even remember leaving the house, the next thing you knew, you were lying in a hospital bed, in the ER.

Your cardiologist ordered the nurses and staff to run multiple tests. They did MANY tests to the point that you believed you could run out if blood if they collected one more.

Your cardiologist arrived with a frustrated face.

"Minho, have you heard about the trend? the past life kinda thingy?" Hyunjin exclaimed as he dug into his lunch.

"Yes, and, I am not interested"

"My past life was about me and heejin dating, it was like the 60's" juyeon exclaimed.

"Mine was a soldier, I died in a Helicopter crash" Chan said.

"You should try it out Minho, maybe your past life wasn't as boring as you are" Jisung said, half jokingly.

"I'll try it later, maybe"

You sighed as your cardiologist sat at the end of the hospital bed. Looking sad, frustrated, and uncomfy.

"look y/n, the medications seemed to work when i first gave them to you, but now..."

you straightened your back, getting mentally ready.

"... i think you don't have much time left."

You gasped, tears pricking your eyes.

September 1, 2020

"I don't seem to see y/n in campus, I really need money for heejin's date later" juyeon sighed as he leaned at your locker, expecting to see you soon.

"yeah I heard from Minhee that she's in a hospital today, mayhaps the result of what we did yesterday? what a weakling" Changbin laughed.

"tss, I'm going home early today, I already feel tired" Minho said as he went to the dorms.

Grabbing his phone, he searched for past life regression, tapping the first video. Tears escaped his eyes.

"Y/N...."

You were now in a private room in the hospital, meaning you could relax more.

You grabbed the book you borrowed almost a week ago, flipping through the pages, relaxing your breathing. You remembered it. How you and Minho ended up being together on the summer of 1977, how you interwined your fingers as you walked on dates, how he would wake you up with kisses, how he always cuddles you, how he died in 1979, You remembered it all. Tears fell down your cheeks as you heard the door open, a man in school uniform, his sweat dripping from his brown locks,

"Y/N"

"Minho"

He sat down beside the hospital bed, caressing your cheeks.

"I guess you knew too" Minho spoke.

"I've missed you"

"The doctor told me... I don't have much time left. Maybe a day or two" you smiled weakly as you spoke, shattering minho's heart in pieces.

"I am really sorry Y/N, I really am, i know you won't probably forgive me for what I've done but please know I feel terrible" Minho spoke, tears starting to fall from his eyes, you wipe them, gently carresing his features.

You're heartbeat suddenly slowed, you now having hard time breathing,

"i - i forgive you Minho, I love you"

you spoke as your chest feels heavier.

Then that was it. You were gone. You were finally at peace.

Maybe in the next life, fate wouldn't be so cruel.

Maybe you were not meant to be together.

Maybe, you shouldn't be together.

But despite all the things life has been throwing at you, one thing will never change, the love you had for him.

Cause even when he was bullying you, you liked him.

But he couldn't turn back time.

Because in this life,

You were the one that got away.

#Lee Minho Angst #Stray kids Angst #Stray kids au #cat boy

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jaxsteamblog · 4 years

Text

Rebirth

Click here to read the full fic on AO3

The coronation was a stampeding animal, bearing down on Katara. Watching the deadline creep closer, she got more and more irritable. She had picked fights with Sokka after Zuko refused to engage with her. The fear she fueled into school and stopped eating or sleeping regularly to read and study.

It was during one bout of isolation that Sokka barged into her apartment and both he and Suki pried her away from her desk. Zuko was down in the lot and shoved her into the back of a car, getting in quickly after her. As his door closed and she started to fuss, the driver pulled out of the lot.

“I have so much to do!” Katara complained

“No you don’t. I have your schedule.” Zuko said calmly.

“I don’t want to go.” She whined.

“Yes you do. You missed me.” He replied.

“Yeah.” She said, defeated, and fell forward onto him. With her head against his chest, Zuko patted her head.

“I didn’t pack.” She finally said.

“I did.” He said and Katara sighed.

After sitting back, she smoothed out her seat belt.

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“Remember our museum trip?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Right. Well, I thought we’d go see the real thing.”

“We’re going to Omashu?” Katara asked.

“Yup. The Queen has invited us to stay while we visit the cave.” Zuko answered.

“Hopefully it won’t end like our museum trip.” Katara said and chuckled.

“Or our date.” He added. They both laughed and Katara leaned over, resting against his shoulder.

“I’m sure it will be nice.” She murmured.

“Okay, this is worse actually.” Katara grunted.

“Did I jinx it or was it you?” Zuko asked as he struggled against his bonds.

“Shut it!” A voice shouted and banged something heavy against the side of the van.

“How did we survive an entire war but end up getting kidnapped twice?” Katara questioned while twisting her wrists. The plastic zip ties kept the plastic tarp secured around her hands. Her feet were similarly bound and she felt like a house pet wearing booties. And, as crude as it was, she couldn’t bend like this.

Zuko’s shackles were far worse. Resembling traction headgear, pins were jammed into his wrists and ankles, held in place with plastic cuffs. The acupuncture blocked his chi and threatened to skewer him if he moved too much.

“Okay, we have to get out of this van.” Zuko said.

“Then what?” Katara asked.

“We run into the tunnels.” Zuko stated simply.

“Right.” Katara muttered. “Where are your babysitters again?”

“That’s an excellent question. I have a sneaking suspicion that these fellows are Fire Nation.” He replied.

“Great.”

“Ready?”

“As much as I’ll ever be.”

Katara laid on her back with her feet to the van doors and started kicking at it viciously.

“Hey! Dirtbags! I have to pee!” She shouted.

Continuing to kick, there was a grunt as the door opened and someone caught a foot in the face.

“My bad.” Katara called out.

“What do you want?” Another man demanded.

“I thought I made that clear.” Katara said as she moved awkwardly to her knees. With both of their hands bound behind their backs, moving around was nearly impossible.

“Fine, but you better not try nothing princess.” The man said.

As Katara started to scoot down from the van, she fell forward and the man, on instinct, reached out to catch her. While he bent over, Zuko jumped onto his back as he leaped out of the van. Keeping her feet planted, Katara waited for the moment Zuko’s weight lifted and then rolled the man off her.

“I see seven.” Katara called as she started to run after Zuko.

“There’s ten.” He yelled back.

The tunnels to the cave had been closed by the Queen of Omashu for their visit. When they arrived, the only other vehicle was a park van that they both assumed belonged to whatever ranger was staffed here. They had barely made it inside before the group fell on them. Whoever they were, Fire Nation or not, they were prepared for them.

“How are we going to lose them?” Katara asked as she caught up. She could hear their pursuers right behind them.

“This would be great if we were Earthbenders.” Zuko muttered.

A blast of fire roared past Katara’s head and she yelped.

“Well thank the spirits they aren’t either.” She retorted.

“We need to-” Zuko started but was cut off by a loud rumbling. The ground fell away from underneath their feet and they both screamed as they fell backward. Sliding down into the dark, Katara could hear other screams.

When they hit the ground, the few captors who fell with them toppled into a pile. Scurrying on their backsides, Zuko and Katara bumped into each other into the dark.

“Where are they?” One man yelled.

With no forthcoming flame, Katara figured they were non-Benders.

“We know you’re in here.” Another woman shouted. They were moving and Katara figured their space was actually large enough to keep a good distance. If they didn’t manage to wander over to their side.

“Come here.” Zuko whispered. Katara slid until she bumped into Zuko’s head.

“Hold still. This is going to be a little warm.” He said. She heard him blow out a breath and her hands got very warm. Clenching her hands into fists, Katara tried to keep from touching the plastic.

“Pull them apart, but keep them back here.” Zuko said. Yanking her hands apart, the plastic tie popped apart. Then, with tender fingers, Zuko pried open the melted plastic from around her hands.

With her hands mostly free, Katara wiggled her fingers.

“Your turn.” She whispered and turned around. It was pitch black in their sealed room and Katara had to feel for the shackles.

“Time to take your suggestion.” She whispered and leaned over to get as close as she could to the cuffs. Gathering spit in her mouth, Katara directed onto the locks.

“That’s disgusting.” Zuko whispered.

“Thank me later.” Katara muttered.

“I hear them!” The woman yelled.

Freezing the lock, Katara swiped her hands on the ground for a rock. Suddenly bumping into one, she grabbed it and brought it down on the cuffs as gently as she could. Now that they were both free, Zuko jumped up and immediately punched out two quick fire blasts. Shooting blind, he nonetheless startled their pursuers and found their position.

“Ugh, there’s no water in here.” Katara grumbled.

“We’ll make do.” Zuko said and pulled two fire daggers from the air. He held them in a defensive stance and Katara looked over at the other two people.

Fire might not stand up well against steel.

As the attackers rushed them, they stumbled as the ground shook again. Dissipating his blades, Zuko grabbed Katara to steady her.

They both stared open mouthed as a badgerole erupted into their vacant space. Its nose wriggled furiously and its head swiveled back and forth. When its blind eyes turned to them, Katara clutched Zuko and they only looked back.

“YARGH!” The man on the other side of the badgermole yelled. The badgermole shrieked and whipped back around and Katara heard the sound of a body hitting dirt. Scurrying upward, the badgermole dug a new tunnel but funneled the falling dirt to one side.

“I think that’s our ride.” Zuko said, pulling Katara as he ran to the badgermole. He grabbed onto the beast’s hide and tugged Katara onto its back. Keeping low, they both shielded their heads as the badgermole continued to dig its way through the earth.

After some terrifying, claustrophobic minutes, Katara felt cool air on her face. The badgermole stopped and Zuko held onto Katara as they slid off.

Still looking at the badgermole, Zuko held out his hand. The badgermole sniffed it and pressed the tip of its sensitive nose against Zuko’s palm.

“Thank you.” Zuko said.

The badgermole turned and dug into the floor, burying down once again.

Exhausted, they both sat down. They worked in silence on their feet and completely freed themselves. Tossing the broken plastic into a pile, Katara pulled her knees to her chest. There were crystals in this cavern and they emitted a soft green light. It was enough to see by, though everything was dim.

“Why do you think they were Fire Nation?” She asked.

“No one else could’ve gotten past my guard.” Zuko said and sighed.

“What else?” Katara questioned.

“A lot of people in my country are unhappy with me. They think I’m going to be controlled by one of the other nations.” He explained.

“Well you’re wrong.” Katara said.

“What do you mean?”

“The two in the pit. Their knives were Water Tribe.”

“So they were after you?”

“Oh no, I fully believe they were after you.”

“Framing the Poles then?”

“I guess your family might not like me.”

Zuko nodded and reclined with his hands pressed against the ground.

“It’s kinda funny.” He remarked.

“What?”

“Our countries aren’t exactly friendly with each other. And I almost died because of it. But these tunnels saved us.”

Katara looked at him for a moment, taking in his expression and the line of his body. Then she too sat back, resting against Zuko as they both stared up at the twinkling cavern ceiling.

“But our people aren’t at war. We’re both alive. And we can continue on, together.” She said.

“It’s like they get another chance.” Zuko sighed and leaned his head against hers.

It took them a few hours to be found, and they were ready for another fight. Dragging the bound kidnappers with them, Zuko and Katara relaxed in front of the royal guard. They were then told, with panicked excitement, that they were to be brought before the Queen.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36

#zutara #fanfiction #jax writes #modern au #zutara week #the fic that prompts built

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maxrev · 3 years

Note

OTP Asks: 5,14, 20, and 31 for ALLLL the OCs. ;)

Thanks for the asks @mallaidhsomo! Love doing these :)

OTP asks here

5. What activities do they enjoy together?

Knox - once he finally comes around to realizing how much Kaidan means to him, he enjoys just spending time doing simple things like just talking and learning each other. Just being around Kaidan is often enough for Knox. They share views on books they’ve read, work out together, often sparring for practice.

Isla - She loves watching old black and white movies, particularly the ones where the couple dance (Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire) and sometimes they’ll dance along to the music while watching. They both love to cook and enjoy sharing their different styles/flavors/ethnic foods.

Niall - He’s a very outdoorsy person when he gets the chance. He’s also a photographer. So hiking, swimming, taking photos (esp when Kaidan is his model!). Niall also plays guitar so he plays, hums and sings and Kaidan will often join him in song. They also play video games and Niall is very competitive but mostly in a good way. He likes to bet Kaidan on who will win and loves to win because of the types of things he bets ;)

14. What would be a dealbreaker?

Haha, this was hard because the things they consider such, I can’t see Kaidan ever doing. But, here goes...

Knox - Never agreeing on anything, as in - where to live, things to do together, taking a vacation, eating, etc. Like never, ever. Complete and polar opposites. They’re already pretty opposite (Knox is Renegade - pretty hard core), so to have such differences in a relationship would be too exhausting for him to continue.

Isla - A complete lack of interest in her or in their relationship as a whole. Never wanting to talk, engage, spend time together. She loves the idea of having a partner in all areas of her life and while important to have separate identities and interests, to even celebrate those and be interested enough to listen if not actually engage in them but overall to be a couple invested in each other.

Niall - Honesty at all times. Sure, there might be times you keep something from someone to spare their feelings and he gets it but just...tell him and let him handle it. Also, kinda in the same vein, maybe, not addressing issues as they come up. Niall wants all the cards on the table so they can tackle issues as they arise head on with all information at hand for a more informed decision.

20. What is a promise they have made to each other?

Knox - For him, trying to be more open about what’s going on in his head and for Kaidan, not to be so pushy and more patient while Knox works things out. A promise to meet in the middle regarding their huge differences.

Isla - Not keep secrets from each other - no special passwords to keep the other one out of their omni-tool (or whatever device). Complete and absolute trust and honesty.

Niall - To keep surprising each other -- after a long day, after an argument, just because and...after many years of marriage ♥

31. What do they love to do after sex?

Knox - Just hold Kaidan or be held by him, something he never expected to want or be able to do; sometimes a full body massage after a hot shower

Isla - a warm shower and then a long, relaxing bath with bubbles, candles and wine

Niall - snuggling, soft and comforting talks about the future, sleeping

#mallaidhsomo #OTP asks #Custom Shepards #Knox #Isla #Niall #should have done Jon as well #oops

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soysaucevictim · 3 years

Text

Week 5.

Jan. 30

I woke up a bit before 1PM today.

Did some dishes before I started on my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 1′ tucked side star plank hold (30″/30″). This was certainly an interesting challenge. One thing that helped my orientation was getting the top leg tucked before fully extending the same side’s arm upwards. I... kinda liked this one.

(After updating/posting last week’s logs...)

Last, Chapter 25 of the AoP. First segment was traveling again, 18TP. Done at Level 2, as high knees, and one go.

Workout proper was pretty much pure cardio and a lot of fun. I did it at Level 3, max rest. It went fairly smoothly - though there was one dodgy, but not painful landing on right ankle during one of the side-to-side jumps. I did like the moments where I locked in rhythm to the music I was listening too - that’s always satisfying.

Spent rest of night on a bit of the usual and some writing.

Went to bed obscenely late again, a bit later than yesterday.

Jan. 31

I woke up after 11AM.

One of the first things I got done today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 10 cross body push-ups, done without EC. I SORT of manged EC, but deemed my form too sloppy to earn that. Did not go as deep and low to complete it with optimal form. Did try to get more out of it and compensate a little by doing it again at an incline again my bed. Felt slightly better about the form/loads.

Last, Chapter 26 of the AoP. First segment was more traveling, 42TP. Level 2, as high knees, and split into 12+10+10+10.

Did the workout proper at Level 3 (5 sets; 3x5 pushups + 2x10 squats + 10 jump squats per set), max rest. I chose to step into/out-of planks to dial down the aerobics a bit. Push-ups were so-so. But it was acceptable.

I then got to making today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Cavatappi beef ragù, It was okay. I wound up having to eat most of the leftovers. Might not be high on reprisal list for it.

Did some dishes and did another movie night with a friend. We watched Iron Man 1 & 2, tonight. It was a fun romp.

I did a bit of the usual and some writing, too.

Still got to bed obscenely late, but earlier than yesterday.

Feb. 1

I woke up after 10 AM.

Took a shower, did some laundry, made a phone call to fix my drug plan information (procrastinated on that one, lead to a couple days’ lapsing off my meds this week, bleh), and washed some accessories (face and night masks).

Then I got into today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 80 side leg raises with EC. Dis one side first and then the other here.

Last, Chapter 27 of the AoP. First bit was a very short amount of traveling, just 3TP. Did at Level 2, as high knees, in one go.

Did the workout proper at Level 3, max rest. I’m glad that no matter what level it’s done at, that there was just one plank jump-in per set (at Level 3, I had to do 20 reps of each of everything else for 10 sets.) Doing the cross chops made me almost want to do those with my bokken (but I’m pretty sure I’d bust something in my room... Doing Katana Week again is sounding like a lot of fun, down the line.)

Did most of the usual and a little bit of writing stuff, for rest of night.

I got to bed in the red zone still, but more than an hour earlier than yesterday.

Feb. 2

I woke up after 10AM.

Did some writing, dishes, and played some games of rummy with grandma and Dad. Then I did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 split lunges with EC (15/15). Manageable work.

Last, Chapter 28 of the AoP. Look, I was NOT looking forward to doing this. Because balance work - the last set BLIND.

Had one brief drop in my last sighted set - #4 - but I quickly strung together that side’s 10 reps for the balance knee-to-elbow crunches. Set #5 pissed me the fuck off. Managed to string the first side on right foot okay, SECOND side I had to fucking try what felt like over 10 gawd damn times to string it. I HATE blind balance work so fucking much. =_=

But I know in my heart of hearts, that’s more reason to actually practice this skill set. It can be invaluable to try to practice balancing work without visual cues - great for injury prevention especially as one gets older and may experience failing vision and generally worse recovery times from injuries.

One of these days, I’ll learn to be less salty about it. Today is not and was not one of those days.

The usual and some writing happened. So did our microwave deciding to die on us (will get a new one to replace it soon).

I got to bed in the red zone still, but about an hour earlier than yesterday.

Feb. 3

I woke up after 10AM.

After a bit of the usual, did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 20 W-extensions with EC. Very doable. Still stuck my desk at least once, but never dropped/stopped for this.

Last, Chapter 29 of the AoP. First part was some travel - 15TP. Done at Level 2, as high knees, in one go.

Second part was a very doable cardio workout, done at Level 3 (15 sets, 1′ rest). Enjoyed doing the jumping jacks. Worked up a bit of a sweat, too.

Last part was 100 climbers, specified in one workout. I did this in one go. Pretty manageable work, for current level of fitness.

Spent most of day chatting and the usual. Did make dinner, but I was so out of it due to med lapse that I did document a pretty bad BFRB spell. (Microwave situation not helping matters.)

I managed to get to bed in the yellow zone, tonight. Partly in consideration for me needing to be up earlier enough to prepare for tomorrow’s appointment.

Feb. 4

I woke up after 10AM.

Spent some time logging and preparing notes for my appointment today.

Then, I only got in today’s DD for exercise. 50 plank leg raises with EC. New formatting choice on DAREBEE’s side made me wonder if I should do 25/25 or alternating - chose to do the latter.

Then went to my psych appt. It was kind of a mixed experience that I don’t feel like getting into.

After some of the usual... another family blow-up occurred. I lost all motivation/energy to WO. Yeah, not going to get into it over here... vented on the personal twitter enough.

I got to bed in the green zone. I felt like shit.

Feb. 5

I woke up around 7AM, today,

Had a dental appointment to get to. Which went alright. Nice to swing by the Starbucks afterwards, before getting taken home.

Was exhausted enough by the time I got back to take a nap for a couple hours.

Went into my exercise after that and a small snack.

First, today’s DD. 50 jumping jacks with EC. Very doable work. Would be tempted to do more, but I had a brutal workout ahead of me to be contending with, today.

Last, Chapter 30 of the AoP. First segment of things was traveling again. 57 TP. Done at Level 2 as high knees. Split this into 17+4(10).

Workout proper kicked my ass, but I still managed to get through Level 3. Probably the least fun and most dodgy aspect to it was the jump knee tucks part. I pulled in my planks for transitions with a jump, but mixed it up between stepping/jumping out into planks. Mostly to moderate intensity levels a touch - especially some sources/loads of impact.

Opted to pick the option to continue the story.

After that, made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Za’atar crusted grilling cheese with sumac roasted veggies and couscous. I liked this pretty well, first time I’ve tried sumac before. I’m kind of proud of myself for thinking of cherries/plums when I tasted that spice (as it turned out that those were related fruits.) Probably coulda went a bit easier on the overall oil usage and grilled the cheese at a lower level (to have better integrity).

I spent rest of night on the usual stuff. I got to bed barely into the red zone.

#adventures with fitness #adventures with hello fresh #family shit/#(honestly? most of this week sucked for me... bleh...)

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hottestthingalive · 4 years

Text

Bluebells (2)

Chapter 2: Bulbs

Ao3 Link here.

Chapter 1 here.

Notes: Yay, second chapter is here! Expect the next one... any time between next week and a year.

Plot: Virgil isn’t okay (I promise), life sucks, and things get gayer.

Tw: Cursing, disappearances, mental and physical abuse

Morning came in the beeping of a shrill alarm.

Scratch that, Virgil decided as he sat up blearily, shutting off the alarm immediately. Doesn’t count as morning if it’s still dark out.

He grabbed his phone, wincing as the bright light shone into his retinas. 2:31 A.M, the screen said. He was doing pretty well, then -- as long as he got to the coffee place by three, he’d be able to complete a four-hour shift in time to get to school at seven thirty.

Ugh. He hated the night shift, but his boss liked having the cafe open 24/7, and he ought to be grateful; it was the only time (other than the weekends) that Virgil was able to actually work at, and due to the shitty time the pay was pretty good. It even made up for the lack of tips.

He got dressed quickly, throwing on his patched sweatshirt over his ripped jeans and torn shirt. Makeup was fast, too, just some cheap foundation and dark eyeshadow under his eyes to hide how crappy he’d been looking lately. No sleep will do that to a guy, he thought, doing his best to hide the dark shadows under his eyes, or at least make them look like eyeshadow. Say what you would, being an emo these days had some perks -- people thought the exhaustion and ragged clothes were for aesthetic, or some bullshit like that.

Virgil was out the door quickly, locking it behind him and tucking his keys into his pocket. The boards on the porch creaked under his sneakers, and he grimaced at the noise. Creepy as all hell, that.

As he walked in the darkness towards the better part of town, avoiding the patches of light given by the streetlamps (What if I get mugged?), he reached into his pocket and pulled out his headphones, plugging them into his old phone. Sure, it was dangerous to listen to music while walking alone at two in the morning, but this particular street bordered the woods, and no one wanted to cause a commotion near the home of the fey. There was a reason all the rich homes were in the center of Torbrook, sheltered from their mythical neighbours by human shields.

The ironically-called Sleep was standing at the counter when he arrived, sipping from an obnoxiously large cup and wearing his sunglasses inside. Because of course he was.

“You’re early, Anxiety,” he drawled, tossing a black apron across the counter. “Go sit down. You want a coffee?”

“I’m here to work,” Virgil deadpanned, tying on the apron, “not to buy shitty coffee.”

“Listen, we get a free drink for every shift, and you look like you need it,” Sleep retorted. “Do you ever sleep at all?”

“I need the free drink for later, when I get off,” he said, avoiding the question as he set his bag down in the back room, using his extra time to check his phone.

Sunnyside had left him a voicemail.

“Hey, Anxiety,” a voice said into his headphones. “It’s Beck, from the Sunnyside Hospital for Elderly Care. You still have some unpaid bills from last month -- do you want us to email them to you, or mail them? Please get back to us as soon as possible. Thanks!”

Crap.

“Everything okay?” Sleep asked, giving him a concerned look from the doorway. “Need me to stick around for a bit?”

“I’m good,” he said, mind scrambling for an explanation. “My, uh, my grandma forgot I had a shift today. She got worried.”

“I’m surprised Robin’s even letting you work here. She was always so protective,” Sleep grinned. “I haven’t seen her around town lately. How’s she doing?

Protective? the voice in the back of Virgil’s head screamed. She's in a hospital! How is she supposed to be protective when she thinks I’m living with my aunt and that her shitty insurance is paying all these bills, while as far as anyone else knows she’s just getting a bit reclusive in her old age?

“She’s good,” he said, forcing a smile onto his face as he went to stand behind the counter. “Bossy as ever.”

“Tell her I said hi,” his coworker nodded. “Alright, if you’re good, Anx, I’d better get going. I want to get a short nap in before school starts.”

“Got it,” he agreed, standing. “See you in English.”

“Bye, girl!” Sleep trilled, waving as the door slammed shut behind him.

He dropped the smile almost instantly, glaring down at his purple nails. Four hours. He just had to get through four hours.

“Morning, Anx!” chirped Morality, coming through the doors of the cafe. Virgil sighed internally. Morality was always so cheerful. It didn’t make any sense. “Can I just get that nice caramel thing you made for me last time?” He passed his thermos over the counter, still smiling.

“Sure,” he nodded, taking Morality’s cup and grabbing his own. His coworkers, Oak and Swift, had come in half an hour ago, thankfully early, so he passed the containers to Swift as he untied his apron. “One caramel latte, and for me, as much espresso as you can get into a cup.”

“Anxiety, you’re going to give yourself a heart attack,” Oak deadpanned, but she took his place at the counter. “Have fun at school, kid.”

“When has school ever been fun?” Swift pointed out, before xe turned to face Anxiety. “I’ll give you three shots.”

“Five.”

“Three.”

“Four,” Oak said, “but no more coffee for the rest of the day.”

“Fine, parental figures,” he rolled his eyes, picking up his backpack. “Four.”

“Hey, I thought I was your parental figure friend!” Morality cried, managing to look betrayed even as he giggled.

“You’re the paternal figure, popstar,” Virgil told him, hopping over the counter to protests from both Swift and Oak. They didn’t have to wait long for their drinks, and soon the two of them were in Morality’s car, sipping on the life-giving substance.

Morality was unusually quiet, had been since they left the cafe, and finally Virgil broke the silence to ask “Hey, everything okay?”

“Oh, it’s fine, kiddo,” he grinned, but the smile quickly faded. “It… It just sounded like you made a pun with my name.”

“...Your real name?” Virgil said, blood running cold. “I’m so sorry, Mor, I didn’t -- I swear, I don’t know it--”

“No, of course you don’t,” Morality nodded, smiling again, more genuinely this time. “I’ve just been a bit jumpy lately. The forest’s been so… quiet. We’re entering spring -- shouldn’t we be seeing more faeries?”

“Only Seelie,” Virgil shrugged absentmindedly, staring out the passenger-side window at the foreboding trees in the distance. “Unseelie will mostly be returning to their realm for the winter.”

“I don’t know how you remember that stuff,” the other teenager sighed. “I can never keep track.”

He hadn’t meant to say that. Shit. “I always liked those stories,” he said, chuckling weakly. It was enough to fool Morality, or maybe that was just because he had spotted his boyfriend.

“Sweetheart!” Morality called, rolling down the window. “C’mon, you’re gonna be late for school!”

“Thank you, love,” smiled his boyfriend, sliding into the backseat and kindly ignoring Morality’s blush. “Anxiety, I see you’ve stolen the front seat again, you heathen.”

“Best friend privileges,” drawled Virgil, taking a sip of his coffee. “Morning, Princey.”

Prince rolled his eyes, before leaning forward and stealing Morality’s thermos and drinking from it. “Listen, One American Reject, I’ll have you know that while I respect and honor best friend privileges, I will still attempt to steal the seat closer to my boyfriend at any opportunity.”

“Fair enough,” Virgil nodded. “That was one of your better nicknames, too.”

“Thank you,” he grinned as Morality started the car.

“Anxiety and I were just mentioning how we haven’t seen much activity from the forest as of late,” Morality said. “Put your seatbelt on, honey! Have you noticed anything?”

“Er… I haven’t seen as many fey recently, no,” Prince answered, biting his lip as he fastened said seatbelt. “It’s dangerous to go near the forest, anyways -- they might be there, and we just haven’t spotted them.”

“But usually I see something,” Morality countered, drumming his fingers on the wheel. “It’s just… concerning.”

“Speaking of fey, did Mariposa make plans for the play again this year?” Virgil asked Prince, turning in his seat to face Morality’s boyfriend. “She always tells the actors about her weird precautions first.”

“What do you mean, plans?” Prince raised an eyebrow. “I’m new, remember?”

“Oh, Ms. Mariposa always gets worried that the fey will try to attend the school play,” Morality laughed. “Apparently they did one year? It was ages ago. But she always goes all out to try and protect the auditorium during rehearsals and performances and stuff, all salt lines and horseshoes, and she paid the school to make sure the doors and windows have iron on them. She even hangs bells everywhere! I get performances, kinda, but rehearsals? Tech’d notice if anyone snuck in, and they can’t exactly be actors!”

“They could, actually,” Virgil said, and then mentally smacked himself. Sleep deprivation was going to kill him.

“Really?” his cheerful friend asked, surprised. “I thought they couldn’t lie!”

Apparently, I’m the one who can’t lie today. “They can’t,” he agreed reluctantly, because he’d dug this grave and now he had to lay in it. “But acting is different from lying. People are aware you aren’t actually that person, that whatever you say on stage isn’t necessarily true, and they’re faeries, so they exploit that loophole.”

“How do you know that?” Prince inquired, staring at Virgil with a strange expression on his face.

“My gran. She, uh, used to tell me about meeting some Seelie once, when she was young, and was wearing an iron pendant. They… tried to tempt her by telling her about celebrations they had, and mentioned a performance,” he lied through his teeth, thinking fast. “She was confused, like you were, Mor, and they told her that.”

“I didn’t know your grandmother had almost been taken,” remarked Prince. “Could I ask her about it? That necklace sounds… fascinating.”

Virgil felt himself tense, even as Morality chirped “Oh, I love Robin! She’s so nice! Remember those cookies she used to make for us?”

“They were great,” he nodded, plastering a smile across his face. “But, uh, she’s been kind of sick lately. Not really up to visitors. Sorry.”

“Oh, alright,” Prince nodded, suddenly all bright cheer again. “What were you saying about those cookies, love?”

He tuned out, head pressed against the soothingly cool glass of the window. Those bills were going to suck to pay -- mortgage payments were due soon, too, along with the money needed for everything else. His aunt wasn’t going to be any help at all, the bitch, but his job at the cafe didn’t pay enough for all of the money he owed.

The money just didn’t add up. A sigh escaped him, quiet enough that Morality didn’t notice. He was going to have to dip into his college fund again, huh?

Virgil liked to sit near the windows in classes. Sure, it could be a bit distracting, but even with the coffee, he was too exhausted to pay attention anyways. He liked being able to sit and watch the trees in the distance, observe the squirrels in the large elm that grew beside the school.

An acorn dropped onto the open windowsill, rolling towards Virgil slightly.

And, of course, there was another reason he liked this placement.

Elm trees didn’t have acorns. He knew this, had known it when the very first of the nuts had appeared, when he had picked it up in curiosity and noticed it was a little too light. Acorns weren’t heavy, of course, but they had some weight to them. He’d popped off the acorn cap with his fingernail, noticing the smell of sap, and his suspicions had been proven correct -- the nut was hollow, with a folded, thin wedge of paper curled inside.

Peeling out the paper had been difficult, but with one hand doing as he pretended to rummage inside his desk and the other feigning note taking for the teacher’s benefit, he had managed to extract a note.

He did much the same thing with this new acorn, glad that his seat was in the back of the class and that Ms. Vlinder, his math teacher (and Ms. Mariposa’s wife) was writing out a long problem on the board. Stashing the hollow nut in his desk, he unfolded the paper on his notebook, as stealthily as possible.

Anxiety,

I should be able to meet you later today -- Advice has agreed to cover for my absence. I’ll see you then, unless plans change. The usual spot.

You’re probably reading this in math again, so stop procrastinating on your work, please. Just because you do not like the subject does not mean you should neglect it. Besides, it would probably take up less of your time (like you keep complaining it does) if you actually took the time to do it in class.

Logic

He grinned to himself. Well, that was something to look forward to, at least.

“Anxiety,” said Ms. Vlinder, raising an eyebrow at him from the front of the classroom. “What are you reading?”

His face flushed red. “Um… nothing.”

“Well, whatever it is, it doesn’t look like calculus. Save it for after class, please. Now, can you answer the question on the board?”

He’d gotten lucky, thank god -- the question was one from last night’s homework, and he’d actually done it for once. Virgil muttered his response, slouching in his seat and trying to ignore the heat on his cheeks. Morality cast him a glance, mouthing Are you okay? from his seat closer to the board.

Virgil nodded briefly at him, stuffing the note into the pocket of his sweatshirt.

“Stay for a second, Anxiety,” Ms. Vlinder told him as the bell rang for lunch. He did so, fidgeting nervously where he stood.

“Do you want me to stay?” Morality asked quietly, coming up to him as the other students left the classroom, casting a glance at their teacher.

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” he shook his head, mustering up as much false bravado as he could. “Save me a spot, though.”

“Of course, kiddo,” grinned the other teen, before also leaving the room.

“Are you doing okay, Anxiety?” Ms. Vlinder asked once the room was empty, eyes on Virgil. “I normally wouldn’t ask, but you’ve been extra distracted lately, and your grades have dropped. Even in English, and you’ve always been praised by Mx. Cee for your work in that class. Do you want me to talk to your grandmother?”

“I’m fine,” he muttered, stuffing his hands into his pockets and curling his fingers around the note in an attempt at comfort.

“My wife mentioned seeing you when she went to pick up our coffee this morning,” the teacher told him, frowning. “That would have had to be a very early shift, Anxiety. Are you sleeping alright? Do you want me to talk to the counselor-”

“I need money for university,” he interrupted, the practiced falsehood he’d told everyone about his job falling easily between his lips. “I’m fine, really. Can I please leave?”

“...Okay,” she finally nodded. “Have a good lunch.”

“Thanks,” he said quickly, grabbing his backpack and practically running out the door before she could change her mind.

His friends liked to eat lunch out in the courtyard. It was easier for all of them, the cafeteria being too loud for Sleep and too stressful for Virgil. For March it was relatively warm, and it was an unspoken tradition for every member of their small group to find themselves near the same elm tree that bordered the math classroom for lunch break now that the cold had finally broken. So that was where Virgil went, slipping out the doors with his hood up, ignoring the brief chill of the wind. Morality waved to him, patting the ground besides him, Prince arguing with Sleep about something.

“Why are you fighting again?” Virgil sighed as he sat besides Morality, setting down his backpack to lean against it. “What did Princey do now?”

“Me?” the dramatic male asked, aghast. “Why me?!”

“We were debating who your mysterious boyfriend might be,” grinned Morality, elbowing Virgil. “That’s who gave you that note, right?”

“Spill, girl,” Sleep drawled, taking a long sip from his Starbucks cup. Where did he even get that? Torbrook didn’t have a Starbucks! “Is he hot?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend!” Virgil protested, face red again. “The note -- stop rolling your eyes, Sleeping Beauty, I don’t! -- is none of your business.”

“Aw, you think I’m beautiful!” cooed Sleep, as Morality protested “It is certainly our business! We’re your friends, and as such we have a right to know about your love life! It was in the best friend contract, Anx!”

“No, it wasn’t,” Virgil rolled his eyes. The ‘best friend contract’ had been something he and Morality had made when they were nine, meant to be a joke. Morality’s mom had helped him frame it, and he’d hung it near his desk. It still was on the wall in his room. “I wrote that.”

“Well, I deedn’t expect that to work, anyways,” Morality grinned, and Sleep and Virgil groaned, Princey letting out a snort. “Still, though!”

“Yes, Anxiety, tell us about your mysterious lover’s note!” Prince exclaimed, pretending to swoon. “Every last detail of your courtship! Tell us about your Romeo; did you make the first move, or did he? Have you kissed yet? Do we know him?!”

“I’m certainly hoping I’m not Juliet, because she was thirteen and he was a grown adult, and also they died,” Virgil deadpanned, though internally his mind was racing, scrambling for an excuse. He seemed to be doing that a lot, lately. “Also, no, no, and no! I’m not dating anyone! The note was from a friend of mine who lives outside Torbrook. We, uh, met up over the weekend, he left it for me because when I got there he was out to buy groceries, and I just realized I accidentally grabbed it from his house.”

“You never leave town,” Morality shook his head. “Try again.”

“Actually,” Sleep interjected, actually looking interested now, “last Sunday he wasn’t at work for once. Asked me to cover for him. Are you telling me you actually went to visit this friend?”

“Yes,” he sighed. “Now they get it. We all know I’m doomed to be alone, anyways.”

“If you keep talking bad about yourself I will physically fight you!” Morality screeched, tackling Virgil into a hug as Sleep rolled his eyes in fond exasperation and Prince snickered at them both.

After school, he found himself walking home. He never accepted Morality’s rides on the way back from school, always coming up with some excuse or another to walk. Virgil suspected the cheerful teen believed he was sneaking off to see someone, which would explain how that idea had started, but the truth was that he simply couldn’t let his best friend figure out that his grandmother wasn’t in the house. As far as Morality or anyone else knew, he was living with his grandmother in their nice house near the edge of town. As far as his grandmother knew, he was living with his aunt in her apartment a few towns away, and their shitty insurance was being supported by said woman. Only he knew the truth: that when his aunt had come to visit his grandmother in the hospital when she’d first been admitted a few months ago, she’d sat down with him at the dining table and told him that he wouldn’t be staying with her.

“I have nowhere else to go--” he’d tried to tell her, but Caroline (she had no other title, having grown up outside Torbrook) had stood up from her seat, eyes shards of ice.

“I’m not having Lydia’s child in my home,” she’d spat, and Virgil had recoiled at the mention of his mother. “My sister poisoned everything she touched -- she was driving, that night when she died, wasn’t she? Killed your father and your sister, and finally took herself down too. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it on purpose. She was like that.”

“She -- it was an accident!” he cried. “Don’t talk about Mom like that!”

“I will talk about her any way I damn well please, Anxiety,” his aunt snapped. “You’re just like her, you know. You even call yourself after her! You could have chosen anything, and you decided on a goddamn disorder!”

“Gram told me-”

“I don’t give a fuck what she told you. That woman’s batshit crazy. She tore apart our family to come back to this town, and when I thought the cycle would finally end with her, my idiot sister forgave her, and granted her custody of her child when she died.” Caroline had paused there, picking up her bag. “You’ve been poisoned by both of them, Virgil, and I’m not risking my own life or happiness to deal with helping you just to let you go back after the old bitch dies. The old woman will be gone within a month without money for her treatment, you know that, and I’ll take you in then, finally get around to fixing you.”

She glanced at the rainbow flag magnet sitting on the fridge, holding up a picture of Virgil and his grandmother smiling together at the camera, her expression twisting from simple hatred into something ugly. “Maybe we’ll finally be able to get that gay bullshit out of your head, then.”

“Who am I supposed to stay with?” he’d asked, quiet and resigned, because he understood what was happening, had known deep inside the moment that his grandmother had told him to call Caroline that things would go wrong.

“Just stay here,” she’d rolled her eyes. “You should be able to care for yourself, Virgil, you’re almost an adult. I’ll see you in a month, when she’s gone.”

He’d felt like laughing, even with the dark bags under his eyes and the crippling exhaustion he hadn’t yet learned how to manage, when his aunt had come back a month later, expecting to see her mother on her deathbed. The confusion and anger on her face when she’d seen Robin sitting up in her bed, hooked up to an IV but chatting merrily with a nurse, and had heard the old woman say “Oh, Carol, hon! I know we’ve had our differences, but I’m so glad you’ve been able to put them past you to care for our Anx, and help with the bills. The doctors say I should be out by August, dear, just in time to see him off to college. How will I ever thank you?”

His aunt had looked at him, standing on the other side of the bed, where his grandmother wasn’t looking, and he’d grinned, twirling his finger near his temple in gentle circles, the sign for crazy, and pointed at first his grandmother, and then himself. There had been a brief flash of fiery anger in her eyes, before Caroline had returned her gaze to her mother. “No need,” she’d smiled benevolently, and Virgil had to give it to her; she was a brilliant actress. “We’re family, after all. It’s what Lydia would want.”

(He’d regretted taunting her later, when she’d thrown his grandmother’s favorite vase against his head as he tried to leave the house, trying to escape her wrath. She’d been screaming that he was poison, as toxic as his mother and grandmother before him, when the world fuzzed to black, and had left Virgil to wake up a few hours later with his bright purple hair dark with water and blood. He’d only seen her a few times since, when they’d met outside the hospital to visit his grandmother. They’d never mentioned it, and if she noticed how he was constantly on edge around her, she didn’t tell him.)

Virgil snapped himself out of his thoughts, unconsciously rubbing the back of his head. The injury had healed, now, but sometimes he found himself touching the spot anyways, especially after certain nightmares.

He glanced around as he ducked into a gap between the trees, shifting to the right through a bush to find himself on the rough path he’d carved out over years of walking through these trees.

It had been too long since he’d visited, he saw -- the grass had begun to regrow, and he muttered silent apologies to the forest as it was crushed under his torn sneakers. A faint breeze swirled around him, lifting the branches, and he grinned to himself. Virgil wasn’t much for gods, capital G and singular or otherwise, but he’d always believed these woods held a magic all their own, even beyond the faeries that used it as a portal between his realm and theirs. The place seemed to hum with it, a quiet force all its own, and he half-believed he’d only ever survived his adventures into it because it let him, had perhaps even guided him to the field of flowers when he was young.

It was only a matter of minutes before he reached the clearing, and he shivered as the sunlight hit his skin fully, the afternoon sun’s warmth combatting the cool breeze.

“There you are,” he heard from behind him, and he whirled around at the familiar voice.

“You’re starting to look like Slenderman,” he grinned at Logic, who had grown taller again.

“Those legends were inspired by my people,” the faerie said, rolling his eyes. “And I will have you know I am of perfectly average height for an Unseelie. At least I am not the size of the average mushroom, like those flowery nitwits.”

“Don’t be rude,” Virgil scolded, but he was still smiling, and pulled Logic into a hug even as he said it. “I missed you,” he muttered into his shoulder.

“...I missed you as well,” Logic told him, warm against the crisp March breeze. “It has been a long winter.”

“You look exhausted,” he pointed out, frowning as he pulled away to examine the shadows under the faerie’s mismatched eyes. “When did you last sleep?”

“I’m not the only one,” retorted the other, taking his hand and pulling him further into the sunny space between the trees. The grass was soft as the two sat, Virgil taking off his backpack to put it besides him. “I told you you would need adequate rest to ensure your head healed properly.”

“It’s fine,” he grumbled. Logic still moved behind him to check, examining the skin on the back of his head. “It really is, L. The magic did the trick -- no pain, no dizziness, nothing.”

“It looks alright,” the faerie conceded, although he still seemed perturbed. “Be careful, though, Anxiety. It may have been a while ago, but head wounds can have lasting effects.”

“I know,” he nodded, turning to face Logic again. “Now, why do you look like you haven’t slept since August?”

“I could say the same to you.”

“Logic.”

“It has been an… eventful winter,” sighed the dark-haired faerie, lying back in the grass. “There has been strife in both courts for years, but everything has gotten worse now. The heir to the rule of the Seelie Court has gone missing.”

“What? How is that even possible?” Virgil asked, staring down at him.

“He disappeared in late summer, at the very end of August. Both courts have assumed they are being framed for what happened.” Logic closed his eyes, frustration seeping into his words. “I’m… friends with him, I suppose. I’m a bit worried about him -- Prince was never known for his intelligence.”

“Prince?” he blinked, a cold wave of suspicion washing over him. “Short, dramatic, acts like he stepped out of a Disney movie? Acts like the universe personally affronted him and will only accept an apology if it brings cookies?”

“You know him?” asked the faerie, eyes flashing open as he sat up. “When did you meet him? How? Did he hurt you?!”

“He sounds like Morality’s boyfriend,” Virgil told him, a mix of confusion and anger and fear rising in his chest. “Princey moved to town just in time for school to start -- they started dating in January. Apparently they had Christmas together, some cute fairy tale kiss under the mistletoe.” He’s vaguely aware his breath is quickening, but the blood pounding in his ears is far too loud to concentrate. “Oh god, L, what if he hurts Mor?”

“We cannot be sure your Prince is the same as mine. It could just be a coincidence,” Logic told him, moving closer to hold Virgil’s shoulders. “Breathe, Anxiety. It is alright. Do you remember the pattern you taught me?”

They did a breathing exercise, a four-seven-eight method Virgil had once led Logic through when they were fourteen and the faerie had been having a panic attack. He’d had no idea Logic remembered.

“We’re going to have to figure out a way to definitively identify whether they are the same person,” he heard a while later, once he had calmed. His head was on Logic’s lap. He didn’t remember lying down, but long fingers were running through his hair and Virgil was far calmer than before, so he shrugged it off. “There’s no way he’d be willing to accompany you near the forest, right?”

“I doubt it,” he shook his head. “Everyone’s scared about this place. How’ve you been getting the messages to me? Could we use that?”

The faerie sighed. “Unfortunately, no. I’ve been making use of the birds in the area to do that -- a little magic, a promise of food, and they do whatever I wish.”

They sat in silence for a time, each with thoughts running rampant through their minds. Something tugged at Virgil’s attention, and he focused, trying to remember what he’d forgotten…

“His eyes!” he exclaimed, startling them both.

“What?” Logic asked, a trace of amusement in his voice. “What about them?”

“Shouldn’t they be like yours, if he’s a Seelie?” said Virgil, sitting up. “All… fey-ish?”

“That isn’t a word.”

“Shush, you. Point is, shouldn’t I have been able to tell he was a faerie because of that? Or because of his ears? Do Seelie also have the pointed ears, or is that just your lot?”

His eyes widened. “An illusion, of course! Anxiety, you absolute genius!”

“I try,” he grinned.

“The solution would be to pose as a human, accompany you to your place of schooling, and speak to him myself!” Logic exclaimed. “Do you have any human clothing I can borrow?” He hesitated. “Only if it is alright with you, that is. We can come up with another solution.”

“Actually, that works out,” Virgil told him. “I lied to my friends about visiting someone out of town over the weekend -- they’re going to ask for photos or something for proof, knowing them, so you can stand in as my imaginary friend.”

“What were you actually doing?” Logic asked, frowning, and Virgil mentally cursed. Why was he so goddamn perceptive? “We haven’t seen each other in a few months, so it was not on my behalf, and I have never known you to lie without reason.”

“...I was visiting my gran,” he confessed, staring at the blades of grass under his hands. “She hasn’t been doing too well lately, and my aunt still isn’t helping with money. I’m probably going to have to take more shifts at my job, and I wanted to see her without my aunt there for once before I started having no time to.”

“You told me once that it was strange that my people made me work even as a child,” Logic said, voice quiet. “You are clearly not doing well, Anxiety, and your health is precarious enough as it is. You should have gone to human doctors for that head wound, and you appear exhausted.”

“I’m fine, L,” he snapped.

“No, you aren’t!”

They both were startled by his shout, and Logic pinched his nose in faint exasperation. “I apologize. That was unnecessary. But I think you really should inform your grandmother of the situation. At this rate, even if you save her, you may kill yourself in the process.”

“She’ll make Caroline take me in, or ask a friend of hers from out of town. I can’t leave Torbrook now,” he shook his head. “I can’t. I’d be leaving you, and Mor, and… and God, L, there’s some sort of curse on this place, and I want to go to college, I want to see the world before I’m dragged back here!”

Everyone, even the fey, knew of the strange power of the town, and its effect on its residents. Virgil had watched people try to leave for years, to go to college or to just finally escape, and yet somehow, every single person, even the ones who hated the place most bitterly, were dragged back, unable to stay away permanently. It had happened to his gran, he knew -- she’d left, married a man she’d met in college, had his mom and Caroline, and then when both of the girls were ten, had found herself divorcing her husband and returning to Torbrook. Robin had hated herself for it, said so to Virgil after she’d had a bit too much wine, but she hadn’t seen another way -- the place had seemed to pull on her soul, and she couldn’t drag her new, innocent family along with her.

The only people who had ever seemed to permanently escape were the ones who had accidentally revealed their names, and Virgil suspected that was only out of pure necessity. They could only survive on the outside -- returning to Torbrook was a death sentence, or worse, with any faerie or opportunistic human ready to use their true names against them. It was what had happened to Taylor, formerly called Yellow. They had accidentally told their true name at a party, gotten a bit too vulnerable, and one of their friends had told the whole school. They’d left town the next day, and hadn’t been back since. Their parents had occasionally visited them, but never seemed able to permanently stay with their child, much as they wanted to. Eventually, the visits stopped, and then so did all communication.

Taylor could have been dead, for all anyone knew, the pull of Torbrook doing to them what it had done to all the others who had resisted -- first sickness, like the flu, a shivering weakness, and eventually…

Well, after a girl called Fortune had died in the hospital near her college, the doctors unable to help her, no one had wanted to risk it.

So Virgil couldn’t leave Torbrook, even if he wanted to. He was saving every second for college, and maybe for a trip after that if he got lucky.

He wouldn’t.

Abruptly, he stood.

“Anxiety, I-” Logic began, and Virgil knew him well enough to know the other was about to apologize, and he couldn’t take that, not then.

“Meet me here again in a few days, okay? I’ll bring clothes and stuff, and I’ll let the school know you’re a visiting student. They let that kind of thing happen, usually assume it’s a cousin who was born here who got the sickness. Super lax about it, weirdly.” He was aware he was babbling now, as he grabbed his bag, but he couldn’t stop himself from speaking. “Sunday should work, yeah? You can come with me on Monday, I can say we drove down from your home together.”

“Anxiety, what if it is him?” Logic asked, interrupting him mid-tangent. “Not only will we face the wrath of the next ruler of the Seelie Court, but will also expose the fact that we have been… consorting.”

“I’m not letting Mor get hurt,” said Virgil shortly, stepping back to leave. “I don’t need my best friend getting kidnapped by a faerie on my plate, too. I’ll see you Thursday.” He turned, and, without giving Logic a chance to respond, left the clearing.

It was Sunday before he knew it, and Virgil was exhausted. All of his friends had noticed that he was more tense, more tired, more snappish -- he remembered muttering something about college admissions, which made sense since the letters were supposed to be coming in the next couple weeks, and they passed the mood change off as heightened anxiety. If Sleep noticed him picking up more shifts than ever, mowing lawns and doing whatever he could for money around town, he didn't say anything, and Virgil was grateful. Besides, Sleep himself was an insomniac -- he would just be a hypocrite.

Not to say Virgil had insomnia. More than anything, he wanted to fall onto his bed and sleep for a week. But he couldn’t, not yet.

He asked for the day off for both Sunday and Monday. His boss didn’t protest, telling him to go get some rest in a quiet tone. Sleep didn't make fun of him like usual, either, and there was no teasing him about going to see a boyfriend, only a quiet thumbs up.

The forest was quiet when he entered, a bag over his shoulder, and he shivered. It was disconcerting. Virgil had gotten used to noise, blasting music over his headphones as he worked, and then in lectures or with his loud friends every other moment. Faint birdsong, wind in the trees, dirt under the combat boots his gran had bought him two Christmases ago -- he wasn’t accustomed to them anymore.

Perhaps that’s why Logic could sneak up on him so easily.

“You look awful,” the faerie said bluntly from beside him, startling him enough that he almost tripped. He got lucky -- Logic reached out to steady him, concern shining in his strange, mismatched eyes. “Anxiety, you… you look worse than when I last saw you. Are you doing alright?”

“I’m fine,” he said, trying for a smile. Judging from the look on Logic’s face, it wasn’t convincing. He patted the bag. “Look, I brought you clothes. Got a couple of outfits. And, bonus-” he reached into his coat, pulling out a hairbrush and the scissors his grandmother had used to use to cut Virgil’s own hair when he was young. “We’re finally going to make you presentable, Tarzan.”

“How dare you?” Logic exclaimed, but there was no heat behind his words, just a quiet underlying concern that Virgil almost hated more. “My hair is perfectly fine!”

“Listen, you look like a member of Aerosmith,” Virgil rolled his eyes. “I’m thinking we can put it in a bun. Or maybe cut it even shorter! I’m just saying, you’re cosplaying a rocker from the 80s.”

“My hair isn’t that messy, or that long!” the faerie protested, but he let Virgil lead him to an old tree stump and sat down, albeit reluctantly. “Not too drastic of a change, Anx, or I swear, I’ll turn yours pink.”

“Eh, I needed a new dye job, anyways,” Virgil shrugged, and narrowly dodged Logic’s attempt to swat at him.

Half an hour and much swearing later, the disheveled hair was brushed through and tied into a bun. Logic looked unbelievably cute. It was not fair in the slightest -- Virgil’s dark gay heart wasn’t built for this kind of shit!

Alright Virge, stop checking out your friend. he snapped at himself mentally, handing Logic his phone to see his new look as he reached into the bag. He’s a faerie, firstly, and also, you’re doing this to save Mor. Haven’t got time for this, you disaster gay.

“I will confess, this does suit me,” the faerie smiled, looking up at him. “You’re quite good at this.”

“My gran taught me,” he shrugged, before dumping the bag of clothes onto Logic’s lap. “Pick an outfit.”

“This is not the same kind of clothing you wear,” blinked the faerie, looking through it.

“You’d hate wearing my clothes, and they wouldn’t even fit you,” he pointed out. “I brought you… I dunno, nerd stuff. Should make you look respectable and smart, or whatever -- we’re going to play into all the stereotypes, today. Besides, people ought to think of you like you are, not like some emo.”

“You think I’m smart?” Logic asked, staring up at him.

“You’re the smartest person I know, dumbass,” Virgil told him. “If you don’t want to wear any of that, it’s fine, I packed a T-shirt and jeans, and you could borrow my hoodie, I just thought it was kind of more your style-”

“No,” the other smiled, and wow, Virgil was really gay. “You… yes. I would prefer to be thought of as smart or respectable, I just didn’t realize that was something that could be done.”

“Anything’s possible when you harness preconceived prejudices,” he grinned in response.

Virgil couldn’t mask his amazement when Logic whispered to the forest, convincing the plants to grow together to make him a screen to change behind (he’d always been fascinated by magic, even when they were kids), but forced himself to stare at his phone when the faerie went behind it. He’d read through the same Tumblr post four times without understanding a word of it when Logic said “Anxiety?”

He’d chosen a black polo and a dark indigo tie, a shade that perfectly offset both colors of his eyes, paired with dark pants and his rabbit-fur boots. He looked hot.

“You… you’re going to need different shoes,” Virgil choked out.

“Oh, yes, I suppose I will,” Logic nodded. “Here, I am going to attempt an illusion.” He ran his fingers over his ears, and the points vanished, rounding. The rest of his features softened, less harshly fey and more human. He paused at his eyes, frowning.

“What’s wrong?” the human asked, as they had yet to change.

“Eyes are… harder to hide,” the faerie confessed. “For fey they are quite literally the windows to the soul. I believe I will require an external object near my face to mask my eyes to cast the spell on.” He bit his lip. “If we restyled my hair to have bangs a bit like yours, I could use that, but I do not wish to ruin your hard work.”

Virgil frowned, thinking back, before snapping his fingers. “Princey carries around contact solution in his bag! I bet that’s how he’s doing it -- casts the illusions on the contacts, pops them into his eyes, good to go.” He grinned. “You, Logic, are lucky I am so blind.”

“Excuse me?” he frowned. “I think your vision is alright. I wouldn’t have let those scissors near me, otherwise.”

“I wear contacts too, most of the time; good excuse for my weird eyes, people who don’t know me assume they’re colored. Plus, glasses don’t match my aesthetic.”

“What aesthetic?” Virgil glared at him, and Logic snorted in laughter.

“Don’t be rude, nerd. Anyways, I carry around my spare pair of glasses just in case, because if I lose a contact I can’t see without them. I was going to have to switch over to them soon -- don’t have enough money to buy another box -- but I can lend them to you for now, and we can cast the spell on them. Will the prescription affect you?”

“Let me see them,” Logic frowned, and Virgil pulled his glasses case out of his coat, handing the frames over.

The faerie tried them on, frowning briefly before running his hand over them. The glass shimmered for a moment, and suddenly his eyes only had color in the iris, one a paler green than Virgil’s own, the other a dark blue. “There. And I can see through them fine -- just have to change my own ability to see to do so. Easy shapeshifting spell.”

Virgil smiled despite himself, looking at the different colors. “We’re still eye buddies, huh?”

“I wasn’t about to give that up,” Logic grinned as he rolled his new eyes. It was so much more obvious when he did that, now that he actually had evident whites and pupils. “How do I look?”

Virgil stepped back, passing an appraising glance over his friend. “Very human,” he decided. “Also, very nerdy, so welcome to the weird kid club, L.”

“Excellent,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm, before his features adjusted into something more serious. “Are you sure you want to do this, Anxiety? For all we know, your Prince isn’t mine at all. I can think of no reason for him to disappear for so long into human society.”

“I can’t risk Morality getting hurt,” Virgil shook his head. “We’re doing this.”

“Alright,” Logic nodded, before his face split into a sly smile. “Now that I look human, though… There are some things you’ve mentioned in Torbrook I’ve always wanted to see.”

Virgil laughed despite himself. “Well, you should probably stay with me tonight, for appearances’ sake anyways… Okay, sure. Let’s go see the library, and then we can stop by my house.”

“How did you know?” the faerie asked, startled, as they started collecting the supplies Virgil had brought.

“Magic,” he grinned, and Logic punched him in the arm without any real force.

“Ass.”

“Dork.”

Even as they laughed, fear’s cold claws sunk into Virgil’s heart. He swallowed. What if Prince was who they thought he was?

What would one of the most powerful fey in the Seelie Court do to the human and the Unseelie that exposed him?

He glanced over at Logic. The faerie was beautiful when he smiled, even with his teeth disguised to look duller and more human. The sun streamed through the trees, lighting up his dark hair and contrasting the shadows painting fragile pictures across his skin.

What if Prince hurts him? the little voice in the back of his mind whispered.

No. He wouldn’t let that happen, Virgil decided, pushing the fear deep, deep down. Not to Logic, or Morality, or Sleep, or anyone he cared about.

The world was so shitty, as it was. He wasn’t about to let the few people that made living in it bearable suffer.

“Anxiety?”

Logic’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he turned to see the faerie looking at him. “Yeah, L?”

“It’s going to be alright,” he promised, reaching out to hold Virgil’s hand. “Everything’s going to be alright.”

“Okay,” he nodded. And it helped, really, because he knew faeries could only tell the truth, or at least what they believed was the truth. Logic was the smartest person he’d ever met, and if he really believed that…

Everything would be alright.

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jess-the-vampire · 4 years

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Sky And The Forces Of The Multiverse, Chapter 31

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Judas sat across his parents, crossing his arms as they both sat across from him in disbelief, Judas constantly trying to keep his cool and fix his hair throughout the confrontation, it almost felt like be was about to be punished again, and honestly that's what he expected when he was called here. He almost couldn't look his family straight in the face anymore, though he could tell they were probably disappointed at him and keeping this behind their backs for so long. He couldn't even managed to speak another word to them, waiting to hear what they had to say as they processed the boy's information. Marco was pacing around the room, rubbing at their face as Tom sat at his desk, tapping on the wood and seemed just as worried and stressed as judas and marco were. Though eventually tom finally managed to find the words to actually speak to the older boy and get his thoughts out on everything he found out.

"So...the girls are....our kids.....from alternate timelines...". Marco stopped in their tracks. "And....you think this masked person was behind it.....". Judas felt himself tense. "And you've all been conspiring to catch them and find out their identity behind our backs....even putting your little brother in harm's way?". Every word felt like a knife in his gut, at this point he'd be lucky if they didn't just hand the throne over to landon and denounce him entirely, he took risks but they were serious risks and his parents had every right to be more then mad with him at this point. He only managed to nod a little as the adults looked at each other before looking back to judas, "Judas you....you really could've gotten hurt you know? You all could've gotten seriously hurt...and you all could've.....judas why didn't you get any of us involved?". "I.....I couldn't bring myself to.....", he sighed, "We didn't know what could happen if you knew...especially to the girls, or even to your sanities....we just wanted to help. You....all of you are afraid to let us do anything, to help or take care of these problems, you let me sit in on your meetings but you never wanted me to take any actions...when i'll be king soon! These girls shouldn't have to deal with all of you on top of them as well! All we wanted to do was get them back home and protect them....". "Judas..". "Everyone wanted to do this, we didn't make anyone join, mason felt so alone and useless and he was more then happy to be apart of something then feel untrusted, landon stayed in his room all day but wanted to help because celeste and him are friends and doing this finally got him out of his shell, sky...everyone thinks she might be evil or weak and....she's none of those things, but she's never allowed to truly prove herself outside of grueling tasks and getting herself out of problems....and nora...you know her family shut her out...and now she's making friends and taking risks....I...Maybe they shouldn't have helped....maybe I should've said no....but...they really wanted to and sometimes...I couldn't help it...". "The magic high commission-". "The magic high commission has constantly wanted to accuse sky of being the culprit, my best friend! She doesn't deserve this and she doesn't deserve to not be able to defend herself. she never intended to hurt anyone she just wants to help...and no one lets her. These girls are her sisters...she can't just abandon them. The MHC have a bad history, and i'm not judging them entirely for it because it's long in the past but that still doesn't mean it's right...they hurt eclipsa and now they're trying to hurt sky.". "We're just saying the magic high commission should've known about this, omni especially, I'm going to need to have a word with them....though...", Marco looked over their son's distressed face, "I suppose that's the worst outcome for you...isn't it?". Judas nodded, "Look, we did think about going to them to bring the girls back, we really did.....but we don't truly even know how they got here though...we have guesses....we don't know who sent them here and if one of them-". "You're accusing the MHC of potential crime?". "They're not exactly out of the question, if they could possibly send them back then...they could send them here....I don't know why though...", his parents exchanged looks as Judas made his plea, "Look, I know it sounds easy at this point to just take them there and have them be sent home but until we know what's going on....we just weren't sure it was a good idea, for all we know they did this to set sky up because they wanted to dethrone her for being weaker then other magic users.....like all those jerks out there who...just hate me for being cursed...". Was he crying? He was definitely crying, he could feel something running down his nose from his third eye. His parents took a moment as Tom took a deep breath, "We still need to talk to the Butterfly's, even if we do choose to disclose this, all of it, to the commission, and keep it under wraps from the rest of the kingdom as much as possible, that doesn't stop them from doing so...the spiderbites and the arachfords don't yet fully know as well, just that you all were there at the scene and in a fight before getting hurt...the culprit getting away. Judas...how long till they do find out? These lies won't evade them for long...". "Well if they have a part to play, then they already know...". They were silent as judas huffed, "I want to talk to angel, I know he's still recovering since his wounds are a little magical....but me and sky know him, we should talk to him...he....he'll have a much easier time talking about the situation if it's us asking him....". He wasn't wrong, despite everything, there was no way their parents could question the boy without them, even if they gave him a truth potion he'd probably go entirely mute and heck no they wouldn't make the boy talk. "Judas....I promised you i'd do whatever I could to make sure I didn't keep you apart from your friends...and....I still want to do that despite this...mess...but I am worrying you'll do something dangerous and get yourselves hurt....please understand that...", though Judas just leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms, "Then we'll take that risk...I'm...I'm tired of not really being able to help and not be able to really to show i'm not some baby you have to take care of and worry about...I'm the next king....I need to start taking action...". "That's right!". The door opened quickly and out popped the former king of the underworld, Tom's father, and he seemed.....more happy then Judas expected about the recent events. His arm wrapping around his grandson and smiling to himself, "Look at this boy, he organized his own group to take out a hidden threat, all while keeping under the radar...that's impressive, and they were even super close to catching the culprit. Dangerous? Yes, but you can't tell me you're going to punish him completely for all of this are you?". "Dad...stay out of it...I know judas is a grown adult practically but-" "But he should be allowed to be an adult! Thomas you can't shield him forever, he should be able to make his own decisions during this time of crisis! If the boy wants to keep finding new ways to help his arm he should, if he wants to be apart of the action he should, he's not 7 anymore...perhaps he should not have gotten younger ones involved but do not punish him just for helping...". Dave crossed his arms as Tom sighed in frustration, "Dad I can't let judas off the hook for taking on a task without informing us...It's commendable...but...it's also something that at the very least, we should've known about...if something happened....we'd have no idea what had been going on...". "But he had his reasons...especially since you might've shut him out from helping If it was mentioned-". "Hold up!", Judas stood between the kings, keeping them from arguing any further, "Look...I did screw up...I don't....I don't wanna be let off the hook for everything....I'll...own up to everything I screwed up on, I never should've put them all in that kinda danger. But I meant no ill intent towards any of you or with any intention to hurt mason or landon...or sky....It's not that i don't trust you but that you don't trust us...or even...me. This stuff...what's happening, it's personal to me..and especially sky and I had to help her...". The royals continued to glare at each other as Marco came forward, "Judas.....you're grounded for endangering your brothers and all those other younger kids in this...however we'll try to make sure you can stay in contact with them, If Queen Butterfly and Janna agrees as well. As far as you being involved, we'll talk about it...and how far this news should spread as well....star told us but I don't know who else she's spoken to, in the meantime...no more sneaking around...well....at least outside of the butterfly or lucitor kingdom.". Judas nodded, understanding, however Tom also stepped up, still looking at his father, "I'll allow you to speak to Angel, however....any and all info you receive from him returns to us, Katrina is now keeping closer tabs on you...even i can't argue that he'd talk to you or sky before either of us...the girls will stay in their respective rooms for now...though...we'll discuss more on them later....you can go, me and my dad need to have a chat it seems...". Judas gave a look to all of them before exiting, feeling emotionally exhausted. As if he hadn't been for days before this moment. There was some relief, but not much, though he was happy enough knowing he and sky could still see each other and hang out despite this. Though he did imagine a very similar discussion going on on sky's end and he didn't imagine her moms handling it any better, he stopped in his tracks, he should go see her, if he wanted to see anyone right now it was her and having nora there and angel was probably a positive as well. Here he could only face landon, mason, celeste and sunny and considering the situation and how it'd feel for the grumpy pair and that two of them were pretty young he didn't feel too enthusiastic to see them for now. He quickly arrived to the scene though despite not seeing her he knew Katrina was watching him. Yeah, that was bound to be an issue as well. Though upon arriving into the hospital wing he brightened up as nora waved to him, sitting next to sky, however much to his surprise....the rest of the girls were here as well. Celeste, Galexia, Sunny, and Luna, guess his parents didn't force them to stay in their rooms yet after all. Luna looked incredibly displeased, and for fair reasons as they got caught and who knows what would happen now, celeste had her wand full out now, and galexia and sunny seemed rather happy. "Celeste healed up angel and sky fully with her cool magic!", Sunny squeaked, "They feel a lot better now, I mean, angel seemed pretty messed up....I don't know if it was worse then when I hurt you on accident or not but.....he's moving....he's just....sleeping a lot...". That was fair considering the situation and what happened to him in particular, he needed more rest then anyone considering how tired he had looked before the incident, judas had so many questions for him and he knew sky did too. Though Sky's gaze seemed to avoid angel in general. He approached her carefully, and he didn't even get a word in before she spoke, "Mom's not back yet....my other mom went in to make sure her brain didn't go all....goopy or anything....did everything go well on your end or did your parents uh...?". He laughed, trying to make light of the situation as best he could, "As good as you can get under this situation, I'm in serious trouble...but....my parents aren't so cruel as to..well....do their worst to me about this...I just hope nora's ok considering...her parents...". He looked over to her, as she spoke to galexia, sunny approaching them both. She was still here so that was something, though her parents would be silly to move her again.....unless they wanted to change dimensions or something insane like that. "Hey.....are you holding up ok? I know that whole thing really got to you in particular, with eclipsa and angel and.....a lot happened back there....and...is there anything you need right now? If that's ok to ask?", sky buried her face in her hands, dragging them over it, frustrated. "I really don't want to talk to eclipsa, at all...ugh she just.....she blew our cover! I trusted her! and she sold us out! Now what? What's going to happen to us? Am i going to be arrested? Lose the wand? I mean I know my moms witnessed the situation enough to know It wasn't me but..if this gets out there someone could warp it....I-....UGH!!", she yanked off her hat and threw it onto the bed, sighing, "The worst bit though, is angel....I started to really trust him....and...ugh what did he do during this? Did he spill our info? Did he lie to me to use me for something? I can't even be sure all the stuff he said was genuine anymore...". "Sky...angel tried to-". "I saw what he tried to do but that doesn't change the fact he lied to me judas...he got me to actually care and feel bad and he still lied to me...of course it's easy for you to forgive him cause you always thought he was some good person and you weren't the one he probably manipulated...but that doesn't work for me." she tugged on her hair harder as the tall demon took a seat next to her, "We should question him when he wakes up, maybe we need the full story of what was really going on, after what happened, they certainly can't let angel go back home....he's going to be in serious danger unless your mom comes back with Her.". "I'm just not....maybe you should talk to him first...I kinda want to be alone for awhile, I know I was suspecting him of lying I just...I didn't it to be true...shame on me I guess...". She got up and was about to head out, before the door to the room slammed open, Kelly entering and looking around, "Princess Butterfly, your mother has returned...she wants you, Luna, Galexia...the demon and the frumpy one in her office right now.....". Sky felt her heart drop, though she didn't protest as her and her sisters left the room, luna being the last and unsurprisingly the angriest about the ordeal they were now all in. Leaving Judas alone with nora, angel, and the other patients in the room. "Judas....I'm sorry this is happening to you...", nora approached him softly, she'd clearly been crying judging by her face. "It's not your fault nora....we couldn't keep this a secret forever, someone would find out....i'm just sorry you got dragged into it....I don't...your parents are probably mad aren't they?", the slime girl shuffled her feet nervously, "Well they aren't happy but....not at you....I-I told them I choose to do it...to go out there and help...I may of.....told them off...I got mad....cause they were blaming you and sky and thought you forced me to go on a wild adventure with you...and I just...told them that it was my choice....". "You really did that?". "Yeah...I uh....I think i'm in trouble...". "Nora i'm...I'm sorry-". "No judas....I'm really happy i did it.". "Wait...you....", his eyes widened as nora broke into a smile, "I've never wanted to tell them that more in my entire life....and I finally did it, they never thought I'd ever have the gulls to go against them or fight back and I did! Sky was right, I'm.....I'm cool....". Though her smiled faded as she looked around the room, "Though...I wish the situation was....better, judas...i'm going to help in anyway I can, regardless of what my parents tell me to do....if you need anything I-". "Nora, right now I just want you to be safe, a lot just happened and we should....rest...get something to eat.....", nora understood, "I'll go....I'll get us something to eat...don't worry, my parents are mad but....I think they're too scared to leave the castle or know how much to even ground me so....i'll be fine...you can rest in one of these beds if you want....". She patted one of the mattresses and quickly headed out, eager to bring something back for them both, Judas almost found himself stunned. At least someone got something good out of this mess. His attention was then turned back to angel though, who was now wide awake and staring at judas with so much intent that judas almost jumped when he saw him. Angel looked sad, even embarrassed as he turned his head away all of a sudden and judas took a deep breath and took a seat on the bed next to him. "Hey...I'm glad you're feeling better....", it was the best he could muster for now, though angel didn't respond back, his head turned away completely from the demon. Judas shuffled his feet on the floor, looking down at them, the thoughts angel had going through his head must've been intense....how would he even begin to question him about what had been going down? Maybe it was better to start with something light? Something conversational and friendly? Though angel typically wasn't that kind of person so even that seemed like a possible bad idea in the long run, judas bit at his lips before clumping his hands together. "Hey I uh.....your dad told me you.....got into fights over me....is....is that true?". Angel didn't turn or respond but his ears did seem to flinch. "I mean it's not that important I just think it's....touching...that you really cared about me...I mean maybe it's not the smartest idea to get into fights with other kids, but.....you really cared that much you defended my honor like that? even before we really talked much at all or got along? The only person who even really did that that i knew of was....well sky...you really never had to do that for me, I know I didn't pay much attention to you as a kid...I guess I just think...it's nice.". "Nice....?", judas almost jumped at angel finally speaking to him. "Yeah...it was really nice of you Angelus....". 'You were being picked on and outed for something out of your control......and....I didn't like it...", angel still sounded messy, like he'd been crying, "Sky was....her family to me...they had ways to fix their mistakes but something like yours? There truly isn't much you could do...I don't know.....I just ran across kids...monster and mewman who saw you like....well...meteora...that you were going to bring the end of mewni and that you were a mistake and the king should've just mated with someone else instead of creating you....and I just...I was angry....". Something felt reliving about hearing angel speak, though he wished angel himself was telling him this under more ideal circumstances. "You didn't have to...". "I know but.....I just didn't think you deserved it...I....It was hard....being outed in my own kingdom...I didn't like seeing it happen to...someone else.". "You're a good person angel, despite everything.....", though the monster boy didn't seem to agree, shaking his head, "Princess Butterfly hates me, I knew she would when she found out but.....I was at least hoping maybe...maybe....". He slumped against the soft pillow underneath him, "I failed....I missed....I had to miss and fail and....disappoint everyone all over again.". He would probably rip the pillow up at this rate by how much he was gripping it, judas quick to reach out to try and clam him down. "Angel....c'mon, sky doesn't hate you....she's just....there's a lot going on right now she has to deal with...she's hurt but she doesn't hate you...I certainly don't hate you-". "Prince Lucitor you're practically incapable of hating anyone, you barely have a cruel bone in your body....I earned the princess's respect after assuming it'd never happen and now she refuses to look me in any of my eyes...if i hadn't failed I-", He shoved his face onto the pillow, screaming into it before going back to laying down. "Now her life is in shambles, my people are in danger, my mother will be gone forever and i'll be hiding here till she finds me and destroys me....I failed...and everyone will pay for it...", he wiped is nose with one of his sleeves before trying and failing to get comfortable in his bed. Wow he was messed up, this had a serious emotional effect on him, more serious then he had been expecting. Angel felt so hopeless, he sounded so drained of any life or happiness in the slightest. And judas just sat back and placed his hands on his lap, "Angel....look, we're not going to let that happen, we're going to protect your people and save your mom and you're going to be safe....i'm sure this is like utterly terrifying for you but we can all help....maybe you can explain what you know and we could use it against them before they hurt anyone else?". Angel twitched in response, "Or throw me out to the side and let her get me for what I did...I'd probably deserve it....". "Angel, talk to me....what happened? I'm asking you to trust me...she's not going to get you....we're not going to let her, you screwed up but we're not going to let you die for it, just...please tell us what happened.". He blinked at him and dug his head deeper into his pillow, wiping his tears on the surface. "Judas she.....look I received a note.....told to call a number if i wanted to know how to save my mom and my people and finally get what i wanted and....i didn't have a mirror or compact so I....". The demon's ears pricked up, "You stole my compact......", and his companion nodded. "She hid the number as some pizza place and we talked....she made me an offer to help and I was skeptic but...she told me to meet her and prove she could help...". "Angel....". "She....he...they......whoever....showed they could bring magic back to my people, make them slowly grow as powerful as they used to be and save my mother's life....and all I had to do was tell them was be their little...helper....find them things, tell them about events...about meetings going down...the night of the sleepover...they....they portaled me here, while I was sleeping, to use me as a distraction...It....It didn't take long for me to realize I was in over my head..she somehow knew i was a terrible liar and tried to help me so I didn't blow her cover though....most of the time I avoided lying when I could...It...tends to make me feel sick doing it....". "What about the medallion robbery?". "They wanted me to steal it for them, cause my father mentioned it to me when he returned from the party and I talked about it with her...thought it could be useful...so...I-I tried to find intel on the inside of the castle for help, and I failed....the servant i tried to get in contact with never got back to me...but then they found the tunnels underground and suddenly they did it, without me even involved....but....I found out your family went into lockdown and was terrified and I realized I actually hurt you and you could've been in danger and I felt sick...I felt sick when she ran into you during the sleepover too, but I couldn't step out of the deal either...so I just kept at it, pretending there was nothing wrong....till I couldn't anymore....I couldn't do it...you were constantly trying to make me fell welcomed and want to help me and forgave me and...I was just..". He coughed and wiped his eyes again, "She was delighted when I was going to class here, wanted more intel...but the more I was here...the more I just wanted to leave the deal...I...I couldn't go through with it, everyone wanted to help me, and I just...I like it here....a lot.". He sat up on the bed, trying to look judas in the eyes, "I....I like spending time with you....and sky....even....nora....I like buttered roles and Eclipsa and....I like being here....even though I knew I'd probably lose it when you found out...". "Angel, you should've-". "Should've what? Just tell you I was working against you? You know Sky never would've taken it well, she would've just thought worse of me....", but the boy argued back, "She would've been hurt no matter what, but saying something earlier could've prevented much worse, we could've caught them....then again....I guess they wouldn't trust you yet without more time to prove yourself...". The princes looked at each other worriedly, the pink one cupping his face in his hands, "Princess Butterfly would take one look at me and think less of me then she already did, typical me right? Ruining the lives of others...". "You don't ruin the lives of -". "Judas, stop....you know what I did, you know how everyone felt about me. I wanted so desperately to get what I wanted I took their deal and I couldn't get myself out of it....and now I'm suffering for it...and so is my mom...and my people....", he pressed his legs against his chest and cried into them, sobbing like judas had never seen before. "Angel, you're not a bad person for wanting to save your mom..or help your people...you made a mistake...but it's not the end...". He could spot one of angel's eyes poking through his knees as he reached out for the prince's shoulder, "You tried to back out of it, you tried to take her out....angel we all screw up and do stupid things and hurt people, you can't really go back and fix it...you can only try to fix things now....you tried to paralyze her, that's....pretty scary for someone like you and you almost did it....". He was still silent, judas trying to comfort him further," Angel, look, I screwed up too...I put my friends in danger I put my family in danger...I've done so much dumb stuff I should've thought more about....but...it's part of life...and you still have time to help fix this and put an end to this...you know, this person...". He ran his sleeves across his four eyes and sniffled, "I thought I could do it, master my ultimate and take her out, eclipsa was teaching me and she reassured me i could master it and that you all would accept me as....well.....well actually she seemed to be thinking of something more extreme but I at least wanted us to be....on better terms? I know I said I didn't want....friends...and wasn't sure If i could have any....I just....I guess I didn't know I wanted one till I felt I had one...and...I wanted you both around". "You really liked us huh?", Judas felt a smirk coming on, and Angel seemed embarrassed at what he just said, face red, ears pressed down and eyes diverting from the demon's. "Ugh....I....always admired you...you...get things done and find ways to get people to like you,.....I just...never thought I.....or you you would.....or that I needed....don't be snarky about it, apparently the small demon girl could figure this out with one look at me it seems...", he trailed off, "Everything was too complicated prince lucitor, I didn't want friends because I wanted to focus on the cause and helping and It took a toll on me....doing this alone and feeling worse and worse about myself..., but when you and sky...and princess spiderbite...cared or wanted to help and.....treated me like a friend......and not as a failure you wanted nothing to do with......but then I knew i was already too deep to try and be friends because I was hurting you and had already hurt you and...I couldn't do it, I just didn't know what to do...and then...you wanted to save my mom and...". He was about to cry again and judas quickly pulled him in for a hug, "Hey....hey.....I get it....you're probably going through a lot of emotions with all this......you can give yourself some time if you need....we're all really emotionally tired after that...". Angel was practically clinging to him, his spider legs wrapping around them as well as he buried his face in the boy's shoulder. "We're going to fix this, and I promise you and sky will be able to patch things up....she can't stay mad forever..not even to you...she needs time to cool down....". "You can't promise me that...". "She's my best friend, we fight...but....we can't stay mad forever...we talk and we work things out....you can still help us fix this and I promise at the very least...I won't abandon you as a friend....", angel sniffled but nodded, "That....I can believe coming from you...I-I'm not surprised you're...being nice to me...but...It doesn't fully make me feel any less sick". Angel sighed into his shoulder, "I'm sorry....for everything, they....they knew everything about me....and...um....thanks.....for saving me...you and sky both...I wouldn't be here without you...I'd...probably be worse off". "Thanking us? Wanting to be friends? You really have changed...but you're very much welcome"., he snickered, patting the boy on the back, that's....that's really nice coming from you.". "Don't rub it in, I feel sick enough as is dealing with all this...", Angel pulled away from judas but a hand was still clutching his arm, "I guess i'm going to be staying here until the threat is gone, maybe i'll even be staying in a cell....though perhaps that's just cruel thinking on my part.". The other prince patted the hand to reassure him as best as he could, "They won't put you in a cell...hopefully....if I have to, I'll vouch for you to stay in the underworld, we have lots of rooms and my parents might be more willing to help and forgive...I can probably offer you some of my clothes if you're staying here or there...i mean, they're not your style..but..they're better then what you're wearing now...". He looked over the boy's messed up clothes, covered in dirt, blood, and torn from the fight. "I'm sure my father could bring me clothes...you don't have to offer me anything...besides....you'd have to cut holes....for my legs...they'd come back damaged...", he sighed, having finally calmed down though he was now looking more towards the floor, though the demon persisted, "Your dad after this is going to be in more danger and so is your kingdom, and someone has to stay back there to manage everything going on....especially when the kingdom finds out what happened. He might be able to bring you something but until our parents can say he'll make it back and forth just fine, you might have to deal with our giving....and it's ok, you can keep some of my old stuff, and if you don't want it...we can repair it with magic...it's not a big deal". "Fine....but um....I'm not sure about...leaving my mother....". "It was just an offer, you don't have to....It's just in case....the people of butterfly castle and the butterfly kingdom in general make you feel unwanted....", the spider monster looked off to the side brushing more of his light pink hair away, "And the lucitors aren't mad about the stealing of your amulet? The lucitors are allied with the butterflies, me going against the butterflies is basically like going against the lucitors...I'm just going to have to deal with...wherever I end up...". He tightened his grip on the boy's arm. "I'm sorry.....". "Trust me....the amulet isn't a big deal....". Angel simply blinked at him in confusion as judas got back on topic. "Angel....we're gonna figure this out....and look, my family is mad about this mess, but if you do want a room, I'll try my best to make sure you're comfortable in it....Ok? I don't want you to feel...alone during all this, and a nice room in the Underworld at least means you can talk to me whenever you need to...it's optional though...and I know I sound...really forgiving...maybe too forgiving for you working with the enemy...but...you were trapped...you couldn't escape, and you tried to fight it and...angel I just don't want to see you hurt...I know you only had good intentions...I just...I don't want to watch the world turn against you again". He silently nodded. "Thanks...judas....". Just then the door opened and Nora reentered, carrying containers of hot soup, blinking at the two of them as angel blushed and quickly moved his hand away from judas's arm, though nora beamed at the sight of him. "You're up! I'm so glad, I got you soup and rolls as well but I wasn't sure you'd wake up before it got cold! We can all eat together if that's ok? We should all get our strength up". Angel couldn't even protest if he wanted to as judas invited her over happily, taking a seat next to him. Angel watched the others laugh and try to make light of things before taking a slurp of his soup in front of him. He wasn't feeling totally perfect, in fact he still felt anxious and sick and terrified, but there was something nice about being free and having a quiet moment surrounded by people who liked his company that seemed to put him a little more at ease. He jerked at the hot soup and watched as the others smiled and laughed, and he felt himself laugh in response. There was no telling what would happen next. But he couldn't deny, he liked this. - Sky had been dreading seeing her mothers after this mess, and she dreaded it more having her sisters with her. What was her mom even going to say about something like this? She was looking at her own kids from alternate universes, how would ANYONE react to that? Would she take all their wands from them? God she sure hoped her mom wasn't bad enough to go so far as to take their wands for herself, or just hand everyone over the the commission for this. The moment they were inside her office, sky was ready to face the music, however, she was surprised to see the mom sitting at the desk was not star but Janna. The queen smirking at her, leaning on her fist as she got a good look at all the girls, "Star's still hunting in other dimensions....but uh...someone had to come back and ground you. So now you've got me! Though for the record, oof, the magic dimension can be hard to get around without wings like she does....needed a lot of pudding to get through there...". Luna seemed less then impressed to see Janna there, though Janna seemed incredibly happy. "Y'know....now that i'm looking, you all do look like star a little bit...gotta admit, it's pretty cool.....freaky....but cool", wow they caught on fast, at the very least sky assumed they figured maybe she had friends who made additional wands but no, they figured out they were her sisters. Or maybe eclipsa told them, actually that would make more sense. Janna was a little too happy if Sky was being honest, and when her mom was this smiley it usually meant bad news, and indeed her mom smiled as she looked over the other girls and tapped her fingers on the desk. "Sky sky sky.....man I knew you got up to things but multiverses was not on the top of my list these days. To be fair, I guess considering how much omni drones on about multiple timelines and universes i can't be surprised these four exist.". "Are you going to-". "Hurt them? Heck no, timeline stuff like that is super wonky and like....even i'm not getting into that mess though i admit it'd be fun...Am i cool in your worlds girls?". Looking behind her, sky could see luna was unamused, galexia blinked at her if not sure, celeste snorted, and sunny nodded. "Well anyways so yeah this is KINDA a big thing to have kept under wraps considering the situation but until your mom gets back we're going to continue keeping it under wraps, just because well....if word got out there were multiple wands to steal or other universes people might FREAK, which sounds hilarious but probably would make it harder to actually do anything so...". "You're not planning to tell the public?". "Are you surprised? Like unless we have to we might wanna keep them hidden so we don't got more masked folks running around looking to steal our things...though honestly that's not the weirdest thing we've dealt with on mewni.". The girls exchanged looks and sky grumbled, "Ok so....what? What now? Are you going to keep them here? Send them right back home or......?". And Janna snickered, "Send them home? You mean through Omni? Oh HECK no, Star already dealt with those losers throwing meteora away....she's kinda worried they did something to cause this...". "Well that's exactly why we kept this hidden...", luna stepped up, "You can't trust anyone around here, especially in a universe where you aren't as familiar with how everyone is different and how much everything is different, we needed to handle this on our own...and we almost had them....before you arrived.". Something about the blonde seemed to amuse janna, kicking her feet up on the desk and sitting back in the chair, "That weirdo summoned herself into the magic dimension, you would've lost your mind in there and got taken by her instantly...they were clearly prepared for this kinda ambush". "And they teleported how exactly?". "Well, they had something magic on them, they used the magic to take them to the source after it was destroyed.....tricky part is...". "Only butterflys are supposed to know that spell...", sunny piped in, "They're either a butterfly or someone very close to the butterflys....there's no other way they could be anyone else.". And janna commended her with a nod and spreading her arms out as if she were performing, "You got it, and c'mon....the MHC would arrest sky immediately if they knew that....and yeah, we got witnesses to prove she wasn't under that mask but it's easy for anyone to say she told someone and staged it...". "Why are they after sky so badly? For being part human? That's really stupid...", Celeste huffed from behind sky, crossing her arms, "Ok sure, they have some evidence but not enough, why not let them question angel down there or something for some truth?". The queen seemed to think about it but shrugged, "Eh, even I agree handing them another monster to persecute sounds like a bad idea, don't get me wrong, they're trying to do better...but the monsters would probably not like the idea of the high commission well....handling this sorta issue....though honestly i just think they're looking for something to blame...". "Something to blame?". "They messed up, got put on a leash, and want to make themselves look good again, they want to show they know what they're doing and won't screw up again, but they just suck at it. Star is like PISSED about their first instinct being to say it all was you, but boy....I guess you were up to something regardless. I gotta admit, I'm a little proud of you....you really did all this behind the scenes, reminds me when I was your age, schemeing behind everyone's back...". "You still do that.". "Touche.". "So....why did you call us all here, you're not going to reveal them, take their wands...send them back....why are we here? Mom this isn't funny, it's not like one of your pranks, this is kinda too important to just be fooling around with.", janna shook her head, "Sky c'mon...I called you in to let you know we want you all in, at least I do. I mean, you're still grounded but....as far as this situation goes, it's kinda clear to me at least, we probably should be working together on this, you've gotten closer then anyone on our side sure has to handling this....probably because you're more under the radar and they're targeting who they think is more threatening." "You took us here, to work with us?". "I mean, I need everyone else to agree but I personally, am all for it....minus the whole "Getting you guys hurt" and everything, Eclipsa freaked out about this stuff but honestly I think it's pretty sweet, you really pulled that charade for this long huh? I mean, you're still in serious trouble, like...I don't think you're leaving this castle anytime soon but....I mean, after all of this? We'd kinda have to be stupid to not have you help us with whatever you know.". Luna snorted, getting everyone's attention as she nearly laughed, "Oh, so after this mess, you decided we're valuable enough to work with you? That's it huh? We had been doing mostly fine without you, how are we even expected to believe you at this point? You're taking this situation so casually! ", though the woman only laughed, "C'mon, you really think multiverses are that strange to us? We knew they existed, we just kinda don't have a big reason to focus on them...until now, seeing you isn't nearly as strange as other things we've seen, I mean sure.....it's insane and honestly you should've said something but....like, there's a creep running around mewni...we'd probably be better working together...". "So you're not going to separate us?", sky mumbled, "I thought after something like this you'd never want us in contact again...". "Well I mean, the Lucitors could back out but they're too nice to keep you all apart, especially since you'll be no help apart...you two were clearly the masterminds behind this...we'd be stupid to keep you two apart when we kinda need you....honestly the only thing no one's sure about is what to do with the kid. I mean, despite everything, his family is a Butterfly ally, so he technically was committing treason by working with the enemy against his allies. I mean, probably not smart to put him under trial of the commission but there's no way he's getting out without a scratch on him....I'll be surprised if he even manages to walk out of this castle without being attacked for it...". Sunny gasped, "But he tried to help! He went on his own to break their deal and take her out! He went against her to help us! How can you all still go against him, he's just a kid!". There was some irony of that coming from sunny, someone younger then angel, but after how she felt about angel it wasn't a surprise. Sky didn't even need to look Luna in the face to get the feeling luna felt the opposite though, sky could even here her breathing through her nose behind her. "It'd still be considered treason for working with her in the first place, I mean he was harmless before but who knows what he told her about our kingdoms, if anyone's in the hotseat right now, it's him. i mean you guys had a secret organization to catch a criminal and hid secret princesses in your group but you didn't exactly allow an enemy a chance to take over mewni and gain access to powerful objects and info. I mean, he's 16, so he's not going to be killed for it, but boy if his kingdom didn't like him before....maybe the queen or king has a cousin they can pass the crown to...". "What? But like, angel cares about his kingdom more then anything! I mean like....he annoyed me for ages just because he wanted it to be treated with more respect and be helped from what our family did to it! I mean, maybe he never went about it in the best way but we both agreed to actually trying to work together to properly help it and-", sky stood up, waving her arms around in anger, "I mean, apparently he did this all in the first place just so he could bring them back to life with magic again and....he could be...ugh! Mom, he was just scared! And he tried to fix things, that's not....it's not fair!.". "Skyler....I love you, but like, you can't do a lot for him, he's probably going to be on trial regardless and we'll see where he stands....and if the high commission finds enough on you, you'll probably be standing right with him, court in mewni is wonky. I mean like...he's kinda going to have to deal with the situation he put himself in....I mean, i dealt with detention all the time in school, I mean, that's not quite the same thing as losing your crown but still...". "Don't...decrown him, c'mon now he doesn't deserve that....", sky muttered, "Despite everything...don't let that happen....". "Well, you might be able to figure something out to get you both off the hook, but you can't do it alone...only way that boy's getting off the hook is if he makes a good case for himself, and no doubt the trail's already being planned, we're not going to tell them about the girls, considering if that gets out we'll have more then Her to worry about. But they kinda have to know about angel and what he did to the kingdom...everyone has to know and he's going to be on trial...and considering the situation, good chance he's screwed.". Sky grumbled as she caved in, she had no choice did she? "Fine....we'll work together.....but....don't be surprised if some of them don't trust you mom....they're kinda peeved at you and I think they will still be if you force them to not help, they want to help...", sky ushered to her sisters in the back, janna smiled, "Oh trust me, i think this situation will be awkward for awhile, but we're kinda in a pitfall and well....looks like it's time for a new strategy....besides you kinda don't have a choice, I am your mom.". The princess only grumbled, "I really hope you're not lying to me, cause right now is not a good time to be lying to me...I don't need mom to come in and...and take them away...". "Nah...at this point, your mom would be crazy to say no on you helping, and honestly, if she does, i get the feeling eclipsa and me would probably fight for it. I mean, eclipsa doesn't want you in serious danger but she also goes on and on that that you should help and be active how you can so....you tell us what you know, we tell you what we know and maybe we can crush them instantly. I mean, I honestly can't complain about working with kids to take down people, we were teens when we took down threats...about your age...". Janna stood up, fixing her suit and crossing her arms, "Your still grounded to all heck and back sky, but girls......welcome to the team.". - Sky was so sure she'd be punished honestly, like SEVERELY punished for this, she had been expecting the worst kind of outcome and it to be the end of the world, but not only was she actually asked to help, but her mom actually wasn't going to lay a finger on the girls? Maybe she really had thought the worst of her family, though her other mom was the one who needed to agree, not to mention the other parents in the situation, she felt relieved, though still upset. She didn't want them to know for a reason, they'd take the credit, they'd restrict her. There was no way she would've been able to do what she did if they worked with her beforehand and she knew it, the only reason her mom thought they should work together is because sky already got so far and they needed her if they wanted to get any closer. Angel would never speak to her moms, and all the stuff they learned and experienced they would have no knowledge of, it was an uncomfortable task, if she said too much would she be useless to her moms after that, back to being cut out? She believed her moms needed her and wanted her around to help. She wasn't sure to believe that this wasn't temporary. Though after the whole meeting everyone was sent right to their rooms, including her, not even getting a chance to see judas before being escorted in and having her doors shut behind her. She wasn't sure about seeing him anyway, and it's not like she couldn't text him. She was relived, more then relieved, but that didn't mean she was happy, there was no telling i they knew...how long it might take to spread all over mewni. Not to mention she couldn't be sure or trusting of anyone right now. Angel. She was still mad with him alright, but treason? There was no telling what could happen to him if the worst came to be, the crown being handed so someone would break his heart. Was he a poor prince? Yes. Could he have been miles better then he was? Yes. But even Sky had to admit this was unfair to someone who despite everything really did want the throne and did want to actually help, she wondered if he was aware he'd lose the crown when he tried to break from the deal. He probably did, angel wasn't that stupid. He really sacrificed all that for them didn't he? Sigh. She fell on her bed and shoved her face into her pillow, she didn't know what to think anymore, she didn't know whether to feel safe or terrified, whether to be mad or happy. She was in a mix of so many emotions as she turned on her side, holding onto her wand tight. She could go through that portrait on her wall, go see eclipsa, but she didn't want to, seeing her right now was probably worse then going to see angel or even her mother in fact. At least she was used to years of her mom treating her like she was incapable to handle important things, or angel going against her and her further being disappointed in him. She was not used to Eclipsa of all people being against her like this, not even that eclipsa was such a big presence in her life, but whenever she was it was always praise and encouragement of sky. Eclipsa just outright exposing her like that? God, so much for putting her trust in her. She should sleep, she needed more rest, all these thoughts going through her head were starting to mess her up, she needed to sleep it off and worry about it later. Thought honestly she wasn't even sure she could fall asleep under these conditions, even if she really wanted to, she didn't like being so alone, she didn't know about texting judas, didn't want to talk to eclipsa or angel. Here she was instead, lying down in her room, all alone, slightly bruised up, and emotionally drained. She almost didn't hear the faint tapping coming from her window, though when she did, she immediately clutched her wand in utter fear, only to be relieved when the face she was seeing was....Nora's? She headed over to open the window and thankfully nora wasn't floating in mid-air but was being held by a familiar purple demon, judas helping nora through the window before heading in himself before shutting it behind them. " I had to try and evade katrina at least a little, but if she finds me she can't scold me for just seeing you....". "Why'd you sneak through my window?". "Nora didn't want to run into her parents, besides, your room is uh....still guarded, didn't think they'd let us in...", his shoulders sagged in relief and he wiped at his face, "Sky i'm....I'm really happy to see you...did....did everything go ok?". His friend sighed, walking up and immediately pressed her head against his chest, "It was my other mom....and uh....well...look, it's....i'm grounded but....my mom wants us...all of us, to work together and catch the culprit together.". "Really? That's....that's great! My parents....are actually kinda on a similar path....it's....better then I thought at least...", Judas felt a wave of relief overcoming him, though sky was quick to shake her head. "Judas....it's not....the only reason they're doing this is because we know things and they need us, sure...they're not gonna separate us and thankfully do nothing to the girls but....I....they know, what if they're lying to us? What if we tell them everything and they just don't want us to help anymore afterwards? If we hadn't almost captured that....Her, who knows what they would've done to all of us, but judas...we caught...we caught a criminal, backed her into a corner that they had to run to get away...". "So you worry after they get our help....they won't go easy on us anymore...that they're not punishing us because they need us?". She nodded. "And worse off, angel is going to be trialed for treason.....". Judas shuddered, "Oh.....oh....that's....", he wasn't surprised, if anything he expected this to happen, angel would never get off the hook for doing this even if he had been successful and caught Her. But hearing Sky say it made him freeze, god that, kid wasn't caching a break at all. "Sky...I don't think we have a choice in this situation, if we want to stop them, we have to help our families, though yeah I'm not sure what'll happen afterwards. We can't just back out of not helping them, and going off on our own will.....cause more issues..maybe..maybe we'd be better off holding back...?". "Wait...judas, you want to...hold back?", the words that came from his mouth sounded so strange for the boy sky was bewildered. Though the prince quickly tried to explain, "It's just....in doing all this, I put my own brothers in danger, I put you in danger..and if you mom hadn't jumped in to save you.....maybe we shouldn't be trying to track her like we were and putting ourselves so far in the forefront... not because i don't trust you sky, or nora, or landon, or any of you....but...back there...we could've lost somebody...". "You're starting to sound like eclipsa.". "Sky i'm not saying we shouldn't be involved at all, we should...I'm not backing out of doing this....this concerns us greatly and we can't back out of it at this point. I'm just saying maybe what we should do is work behind the shadows, maybe they should be at the front and we work from behind the scenes, sky most of us are still kids....mason should've never been involved in that and If i hadn't been so stupid to get our guy I would've sent him home...but I didn't..we saved Angel, and I'm glad we did...but we're in more danger then ever right now and we can't keep doing things how we did....". Sky's gaze turned to Nora, who was standing awkwardly between the two friends, "Ok, what do you think nora? You're here too....if we gotta work with our parents...well...". Nora blinked at them, trying to raise her voice and clamping her hands together forcefully, "Well....it's...I'm glad I went...I....I really am glad....but...maybe..judas has a point,...maybe we should help in our own way. I mean....just...if she comes after us...we're doomed if...if angel is crownless or sky is in prison or.....if we just let her take us all...". "What are you saying...?". "I'm saying...maybe if we want to fix this and fight back, we should be doing things like getting you off the radar fully or helping angel....with his mom or not lose his crown, we can't keep putting ourselves at the front lines of peril, at least...not while they knew we almost caught them...but....we can at least keep you from losing your wand or angel from being dethroned and just see what we can do to help....we should do something sky...we...just because we aren't going after her full force doesn't mean we can't help...your moms have no reason to help angel...but...we do....despite everything...". Judas seemed to agree, "You can still be mad with him, you have every right to be...but he needs us right now and he's our best bet if we're ever going to get close to watching them....we might be able to sway his kingdom on his side again, which considering how much they sorta hated him before is a bit of a tough bet, but it might help him from being dethroned. Angel thinks she's going to come after him sky, he....he's worried he'll......he can't even leave this castle....we should help him...he screwed up but....he also tried to put an end to it too and risked his life to do so...we can't give up on him...". "And his mom...?She's not going to hold in much longer and if she does pass? Who knows how that might affect our relationship with that kingdom, especially considering the sitauion and her in our care..", her gaze heading back to Nora. "I'll offer my freedom to have my parents help with a cure...", nora mumbled, stepping forward, "I.....Mason is offering his garden, and we have the resources to help...I....I know it's....scary I just...I almost lost my parents....I don't want to watch him lose his....". That made Sky backtrack, Nora would really go back on her freedom, finally getting out there and making friends, just to help out someone her family was supposed to hate? Even Nora still seemed to be dealing with this choice, but seemed to accept it. "You'd really do that? I mean, Nora, I don't want you going back to....that mess...". "Sky I....your magic does scare me..a lot of things scare me...angel scares me....but...I've been training forever to save lives...so....I can't walk out on this, no matter what..... I should do something....", she was almost demanding, something new for her, and she seemed proud of it? "If I can save a life and maybe help fix the scar left between our families....shouldn't I? Shouldn't I try? The past is....gross, it's gross what....my family did to his....but...I can help." "So....what's the plan then?", sky leaned against her wall, looking at her friends, "You don't want us in the direct line of danger since angel could've gotten well...yeah....if nora is giving up her freedom to help, then we won't be able to speak to her much at all, even if her parents just lock her in this castle....how the heck are we supposed to keep me or angel safe in this mess? I want us safe as much as you do but even I'm not sure how to keep us safe...". "We'll help our parents with their search,we won't tell them...everything...we certainly can't admit...the galexia thing, just what we need...in the meanwhile...we need to help angel and get more from him, and we need to figure out whatever the high commission is using against you and shut it down officially before they use it against you, we can't keep going out into the field and putting ourselves in direct danger because we've already exposed ourselves, but that doesn't mean there's nothing we can do here...we're just going to have to be more sneaky...more smart...and more safe...". "Sky, we can't change the past, they know now and there's no telling what they'll do with that information, but all we can do now Is help where we can and keep each other safe until further notice...is that ok?", the bluenette tugged on her hat and mumbled, "I already agreed to my mother's offer so....I guess we just have to deal with it...". She felt judas pull her into a hug and she sighed into his chest, "I'm glad....I'm glad we're still..". She struggled to get it out but he happily finished it for her, "Sky, you know i'd never let them keep us apart....we'll figure something out, it's not over for us and we'll prove ourselves....to our parents and everyone else...we're not done until we say we are..". - Landon huffed in his room, staring up at the ceiling and trying and failing to play his music, he was a little too distracted for that despite his attempts. He nearly managed to catch her, she was in his grasp and he even had a potion he could use to question people but I guess that's what he gets for allowing his younger brother into the group without really mentioning landon wanted to be the one to do this himself. Knowing judas he was already working on a backup plan despite being in serious trouble. There was no way judas would give this up, even if he did want to change things to avoid making the same mistakes again. And even Landon couldn't get mad at him for that because he was considering the same thing, that being fled to the magic dimension of all places, a universe landon had never stepped a foot in before, but he was more then familiar with. He was young when his parents went there to see if the goo could help cure his brother, returning with a ton of empty pudding cups and disappointed faces, there had to be evidence in there right? Unless the Queen had already gotten everything there was to get out there. Not to mention Sky's wand, maybe he needed a better look at that wand himself. He wondered, if maybe he should.... No, that would be stupid and entirely dangerous, especially now, though he couldn't help but think about it. He'd never been to that dimension before and for good reason, losing your memories in there to the magic was dangerous and getting them back could be worse, his parents would certainly ground him worse then before. Judas was already bad enough taking so much of the heat, good chance if landon went there they'd think judas was responsible. But he couldn't seem to stop thinking about it. His compact rung and sure enough, it was his brother. Judas: Landon, I'm sorry I dragged you into something so dangerous...I never should've gotten you involved in this mess, you don't have to help if you don't want to anymore...me and sky right now need to work on helping angel and figure out our next course of action Judas: We might have to do it on our own, I just don't want you hurt like angel was... Judas: If you want out, then you can stay out, if you want to help us...then just let us know Judas: Please stay safe Yep, sounds like judas alright. What were their parents bound to do with this information? Go to those other universes themselves? Ask the girls about their worlds in response to their problems in the then and now? He didn't like the thought of his parents questioning celeste considering how uncomfortable she already was around them and about her life back home in general. God, this entire situation was a mess, a complete and utter mess and he wasn't sure what they could do in this condition. For once, he couldn't even be entirely mad with Judas because this was way out of his hand, they got caught because of eclipsa or even sky, not because of him, and he was actually apologizing and taking most if not all the blame for it. Though it was almost surreal having the boy not want to take any direct action or fight back, his brother wasn't stupid but he was more inclined to handle something directly then wait at the sidelines for other people to fix his problem. If judas wanted something, he'd ask for it, he'd ask for help. He'd never seen judas be pushed out of putting himself in the direct line of fire to solve an issue before. He'd almost expected judas to text him telling him the plan was still going and then had some secret plan to avoid getting in further trouble but no, if landon wanted to, judas was giving him an out while he and sky continued to help from wherever they could, no longer creepy doll hunting. Sure, all their parents were powerful so maybe they could handle it but what a way for their team to come to an end, found out and then just flop apart. He had an out, he could go, just focus on his music and Bernard. That was what he should do right? They lost, they failed, they shouldn't be pushing the bubble any harder then they already did, it was almost as if if they did another wrong move they'd be done for. Judas already was taking most of the heat, and he was paying for it. Landon could just move on, he could go back to normal life at this point and let the adults handle it. Like they've been handling issues and attacks in mewni for years and years. Yeah, back to normal.... Where Landon was unremarkable in any way, the forgotten brother. Landon sat up, grasping his compact in his hands, thinking it over before quickly texting judas back. Landon: I'm in, what's the plan?

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