#i knew this was gonna hurt but damn

[minnow-doodle-doo]

with my new job as an after-school art teacher, I went back to the school I used to work at as a Para and had to break up a fight within the first 30 mins of being there lol. Just like old times

Though other than that it was great to be back and talk to all my old coworkers, learned about how the kids are doing, I stayed like an hour and a half later just talking.

#the joys of being a para #personal #i miss the school and the kids but damn I was nervous to go back like tummy hurt (which doesn't happen very often) but it was a combo #of things that made me nervous #but i logically knew everything was gonna be okay

[grayisblogging]

this is the worst day of my life

#the day i have had.. #and you tell me this… #ok #cool #no yeah i don’t even care actually it’s fine #not like i am on this stupid ass fucking website posting about this shit every damn day #i knew something like this would happen bc of the strike but a whole nother year…. what. how could you do this to me #like me specifically #i know you thought about me specifically when posting that tweet and said is this gonna make her kill herself and yeah it is #ITS JOEVER #hurts me so bad to have to bring this to this blog i am supposed to be safe here however when the movie does arrive i will look back on #this post and wonder where all the time went so fast. Right? RIGHT.?! #the batman #do not tell me i am being overdramatic about this i dont know you

[bulldyke-rider]

I hate how people will encourage you to do something and then when you experience a bunch of complications and uncomfortable shit, they're just like "yeah, that happens"

Like WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME

#got pierced for the first time since childhood #but like its been forever and I still cant tell if im healing right and everyone is just telling me its normal #like if I knew it was gonna hurt for this fucking long I wouldnt have done this shit #cant even sleep on the piercing and its been months still scared to change it out #but im pierced with silver cause the piercer didnt have solid gold #so I spent like a shit ton on some silver and a damn hole and bought the solid gold I want but my outfits are still thrown off

[anaalnathrakhs]

btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.

#i know there are compromises out there #and i'm not going to live w them my whole life so i'll be out fairly soon all things considered #and i'm trying to be understanding when people's priorities aren't the same as mine #but i uh. would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt a little wittle bit. #i'm gonna keep handling it because i've been an asshole to my parents for long enough #i largely owe them that. cooperating and spending time with them and engaging in what matters to them. #but then she's says things like ''but whenever you move out you'll still be part of the family and invited if you want uwu'' #it's just ?????? okay thanks ???? perhaps you could also try seeing things from my point of view perhaps???? #it's all circling back to that. they have a very weird way to ''help'' me #throwback to them trying to cure my depression with amusement parks #when i would have liked a little less of that and a little more help and understanding #it feels like they're trying to put bandaids on a cancer #''you don't ask for help'' okay no help is coming. i am not being helped. #the system can't help me cause there's no damn beds no damn professionals no damn time to help everyone #the people around me can't help me because it's not their job or within their wheelhouse to help me #and they've got their own shit to deal with #on that note #i was discussing stuff with my mom #and i mentionned it was indeed pretty difficult to manage your time when you had to deal with school and friends and your parents #and she was like ''deal with your parents???? what do you have to deal with????'' #oh i don't KNOW maybe that i'm officially an associate of my dad and i have to help out w events and some accounting #or maybe i have to pay back the fucking years i spent being an ungrateful child now i do everything you expect me to and it's exhausting #maybe that you constantly remind me i am living in YOUR house by touching my shit instead of letting me deal with shit at my own pace #maybe the fact that despite everything i care about you and i want us to have a good relationship and that takes WORK and i'm exhausted #maybe the fact that you keep giving me advice that is unproductive misguided misunderstanding etc etc #and cold comfort after you did something you knew to be difficult for me #how you keep encouraging shit that i don't want and am unhappy with because it's the ''normal'' way #how you raised me from childhood to be an empty shell in a family of empty shells #broadcasting my misery #vent

[camehereforjodie]

24 hours later and it still hurts thinking about Jodie not being my Doctor anymore..

#dangit #I knew it was gonna hurt #but damn #she’s seen me through so much change #in my life the last years #doctor who #jodie whittaker #thirteenth doctor #dw #thirteen #the doctor #13th doctor #oh jodie #mandip gill

[transmechanicus]

Putting this on tumblr in Dear Diary mode but someone at the gay ppl social yesterday just dropped ‘i wanna be a robot so bad’ in response to a mid key unrelated topic/question and i thought the secondhand shame was going to kill me bc Yeah Same I Get It but By the Omnissiah this was not the time or the place or the method of delivery recommended by the holy STC, the silence that followed was deafening and it was very clear it was not a Big Mood for the room, and i was taking colossal psychic damage.

#my stuff #it did not help that this was the only other transfemme or AMAB person in the room like i bit the bullet and went Yo Same Who Doesn’t #but it was quite clear the 16 other ppl in the room were Not Feelin It #which really hurt cause like damn i’m not gonna let another transfemme struggle but that was an L for her on the charisma check #the assorted dykes and queers did not find that Hashtag Relatable girl i hate to say it but they cling to their flesh #so yeah anyway that was fun to have within the first 5 minutes in a group of ppl who mostly knew each other beforehand

[xamaxenta]

This game is ruining my life

#i knew Cid was gonna die he had death flags written all over him from the start #BUT THEN #JOSHUA SHOWS UP TO PROTECT CLIVE FROM ULTIMA #AND THE REPRISAL THEME IS. SO. #AAAAAAGgh #tears streaming down my face #shit is so blurry #going absolutely apeshit #my arm hurts too much to draw more of the au tho #but god damn this shit hits all the right story beata #and ofc i love. I absolutely adore brothers going to insane lengths to protect one another #i just. cant find another trope i love more. found family perhaps? #but its that BROTHERLY BOND AND LOVE BOEYEESSSS #sisters too!!! final fantasy 13 did it with lighting and serrah which was lovely too #the noise that came outta my mouth when Joshua told ultima to keep hos hands off clive omg. beside myself #absolutely bonkers fucking crazy #you know you know i wanna draw ace and luffy so badddddd

[daincrediblegg]

What brings an Egg to tears do you ask? Well. Paul Sun Hyung Lee hugging anyone of course.

#oh christ. I’m going back into the avatar state about that old man aren’t I? #by the way if y’all wanna hurt more about that old man with me go take a look at kim’s convenience #he did the same shit with me there too and I’m never gonna be over it #and its why I KNEW he’d make a fantastic iroh in the first place #and BY GOD. BY GOD I WAS RIGHT #please understand that iroh may damn well be the start of my old man pipeline tbh #anyway aside from a couple of weird choices and dialogue hiccups… yeah. this shit ain’t half bad #not the same as the og show- in an eschelon and class of its own for all time #but it is leaps and bounds better than m night’s mess

[lemonstrashcan]

yall ever cry so much you feel like throwing up

#vent post #tw transphobia #yall ever go into a family reunion and get randomly slapped in the face with transphobia?? #I knew my parents arent super supportive but DAMN I wasnt expecting the rest of my family ro be like that #whatever imma continue being me anyways lmaoo #it just sucks bc i REALLY wanted them to be supportive :(( #but tbh if i put it on a scale its probably like a 6/10. it's sucks but if they fouhd out theyll probably still love me #therapist still gonna hear about this one tho #I was deadass in the bathroom gaslighting myself into thinking everything was fine and i dreamed it (it didnt work)) #anyways my head hurts and im watching cartoons to calm dow #wander over yonder is my comfort show i love it sm <3

[aquariusdeanw]

It’s been years and I’m still mourning Joel Miller

#I think I would’ve been over it if it wasn’t for the fact that it was so brutal #like that shit was traumatizing dawg #I can barely watch it #Ellie literally screams and begs #like I knew for certain that Joel had to die in the second game because there had to be consequences #BUT HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO DO SHIT 10 vs 1 GOLF-BAT BEING REPETEDLY HIT WHILE HEARING HIS DAUGHTER SCREAM FOR HIM AND NOT BEING ABLE TO #REASSURE HER AND STILL THINKING THAT HE DISAPPOINTED HER AND THAT HE NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO FIX THINGS WOTH HER AND HE PROBABLY THOUGHT #THAT THEY WERE GONNA KILL HER TOO #that game is evil and I don’t hate Abby I could care less about her but DAMN #that shit was so traumatizing for Ellie that she couldn’t even live happily with her family and Tommy was probably going through the same #and I literally can never go through Joel’s house after it hurts too much #SUCH A PRETTY HOUSE AND SUCH A PRETTY GARDEN NO ALLARMS AND NO SURPISESSSS #she’s alone. joel would never want her to be alone. I hope that ​she’s with tommy and they healed each other #he’s with his little girl in the after life while his youngest is all alone :( #AND HE NEVER WANTED TO LEAVEEEE NEVER WANTED TO LEAVEEEE #the last of us 2 #tlou 2 #joel and ellie #joel miller #ellie williams #the last of us spoilers

[arcaneyouth]

my shit ass gamer chair has developed a quirky lil issue where the seat won't stay up and is constantly sinking down and there's nothing i can do about it. it'll last for like 2 hours and then i just can't use it anymore. and i don't feel good asking my parents for a replacement we do not have that money rn. and i apparently don't know how to tell if a chair is going to be good before it gets here (i chose this chair. it's lasted less than a year) so i would have to ask my parents to figure it out for me and they don't have that time. so. i'm kinda just. not able to use my computer for very long. so that's awesome.

#vent post #negative #the seat hurts to sit on at this point too #it's just a bad chair. i knew it was bad the moment i started putting it together. #i'm glad it waited to do this until after i finished making chapter 7 of my comic so i don't technically need to use it much #but i wanted to draw today. #and now i'm gonna spend the rest of my day in bed cause i've got nothing else i can do #i also have not finished making my fucking cover letter for this stupid application so i'm gonna have to transfer that to google docs to #do it on my phone in bed #also the chair sinks down so slowly that i usually can't tell if it's actually sinking and trying to figure it out makes me nauseous #for some god damn reason #fuck. chairs are so fucking expensive. #i wanted to use the money i'm gonna get from the job i'm hopefully getting to buy fun silly stuff #but i'm probably gonna have to spend All Of It on a fucking chair #because i really cannot make my parents get me one. #so now if i don't get this job i'm just. kinda fucked #i've got money in savings i just hate having to use it. that was supposed to be my moving out fund man #this fucking. sucks #if anybody can explain why the fuck my chair is doing this so i can fix it. that'd be awesome. #update: its clearly a problem with the cushion. unfortunately i cant replace the cushion. #not without taking a knife to it. which i am super unsure if thats a good idea. #i hate knowing fucking nothing. i dont know what to do. i want to scream.

[yuukei-yikes]

thinking abt how takane never knew haruka knew he'd die that year anyways. thinking abt how she'd handle finding out post str

#(holds head) #im at work being consumed by my kageworms #anyways would takane be angry. i feel like shed be conflicted like shed wanna be angry #but thatd be weird. like she doesnt wanna act all entitled #and hes FINE now so what would be the point #but she cant help that it annoys her bc damn that hurts #i wonder how id feel and im like yeah id like to know too. id like to be prepared #like if someone dear to me knew it and hid it bc they didnt wanna make me sad #like yeah who am i to deny a dying persons wish or whatever but it just feels a little selfish in a way #like ur gonna be gone and ur not gonna deal with the pain ur leaving on others ofc. so u wanna kinda spare urself that in life #thats why i think haruka doesnt tell her like things would be different between them and takane would #definitely treat him a little differently wth that in mind #she was already mega worried all the time abt his condition so adding thst is like... #harutaka conflict yum #kagevinnie #kagenalysis

[boyghcst]

god i don’t wanna be here i don’t wanna exist

#i hate myself so much #I’m sick of myself and sick of this world #i got upset at Lexi bc they said they didn’t wanna hang lol like i just shutdown n went quiet even tho they drove to take me to the shops #bc I’m ill #like I’m tired of always getting hurt I’m so damn sensitive all the time #like idk i guess i just thought they were gonna stay at mine for a while like we usually do #n instead they just wanted to go home #which is obv fine like they can do whatever they want but im sick of getting upset over this stuff #n i always feel horrible and guilty when i get triggered whether it’s shutting down or passive aggressiveness #or having a meltdown over stuff idk i just feel so emotionally childish n even when i know it’s wrong to feel tht way it still happens #i just wish i knew how to be better and stop being like this #n my therapists just keep telling me well it’s okay and normal to feel this way because I’ve been thru bad experiences before n thts why #i feel abandoned and unloved #but it’s like I’m 24 i shouldn’t be so emotionally all over the place and get triggered all the time like i can’t function bc of this #n i end up just acting in ways i don’t like like if someone was acting this way w me id be exhausted I’m not surprised I’ve been called #exhausting and too sensitive and negative and immature bc i am n hell if u don’t like me dw i hate myself more ive literally been trying #to get better and it’s going nowhere i think i just gotta end myself fr #journal

[petalouda85]

Everything hurts and I hate everything

Source of my pain: Episode 26 of CR’s 2nd Campaign

#I knew what was gonna happen as i accidentally spoiled it to myself but fuck does it still hurt #damn it #long may he reign #critical role #mighty nein #sorry to my followers #there’s no one in my life I can vent to about this so I’m shouting it into the void that is Tumblr

[theheadlessgroom]

https://www.tumblr.com/beatingheart-bride/712094107972026368/beatingheart-bride-theheadlessgroom

@beatingheart-bride

“I understand,” he assured her, not about to push her into doing it (he already knew being on the rooftop period was a big step for her, so he could only imagine how dizzying it’d be for her to try and ascend Apollo, even with Randall himself there to keep her safe). Still, his offer stood, should she ever wish to give it a try-he’d love to take her up there, so that she could see what he’d seen that day, as the sun drifted out of sight, leaving night to encroach upon the city: What could only be described as being on top of the world.

But then again, it seemed like she knew at least the feeling, now that she had seen the absolutely glowing reviews in the papers, no doubt making her feel downright invincible, capable of doing anything. She was a star now, and he hoped she was luxuriating in that feeling, knowing she had come this far, and set the opera world ablaze with her debut. Of course, she wouldn’t rest on her laurels (unlike La Constance, who seemed fine coasting by on past glories, never trying to branch out and try something new with her performances), she would continue to climb higher, achieve more and more (which he more than looked forward to seeing), but for now...he hoped she was enjoying herself.

As he finished his sandwich and paused to take a sip of lemonade, Randall then dared to ask her, “What was it like? Being on stage, that first night?”

He’d been onstage before himself, plenty of times, but obviously...those weren’t exactly what he’d call “positive memories”, and so it made him wonder instead what it was like to stand before not a fearful, hateful crowd, but an adoring, impassioned one, who hung on every lyric she sang, looking upon her with love and admiration, and not fear and disgust...

#((the last installment to our 'phantasm' trilogy is gonna hit HARD! for everyone!)) #((randall's gotta revisit ALL that childhood trauma in order to save his family; as well as come to grips with the truth)) #((about his own parents and the real circumstances behind his falling into the hands of the ringmaster)) #((and emily and the kids are; as you said going to be bait; having been kidnapped in order to lure randall out!)) #((and i defidently think the ringmaster wouldn't balk at mutilating the three of them in order to not only make a little money)) #((by putting them on display along with randall; but also just doing it to hurt him!)) #((thank god dorian and elizabeth will be there to help randall; i think he's gonna need a little support early on)) #((but once he gets into the swing of things he'll be able to save his family and at last avenge his parents!)) #((also: HOLY COW i didn't know it was that tall! like you said i knew it was big too!)) #((but THAT big? damn!!)) #outofhatboxes #beatingheart-bride #V:Phantasm of the Mansion

[sukuru]

so we watched jjk 0 today and i cant stop listening to this song. i’m getting sadder by the moment :)

#i knew what was gonna happen but god damn that fucking hurt #jjk #jjk 0 #jujutsu kaisen #satosugu #geto suguru #gojo satoru #Spotify