#i know a lot of people feel like antis need to be fought against

[edenfenixblogs]

"Night" is Free if You're an Audible Subscriber

A lot of people's only experience with learning about the Holocaust is Anne Frank's Diary or works of fiction.

Anyone speaking about i/p right now NEEDS to read this first person account of life in a concentration camp.

There is a right way and a wrong way to read this book.

The right way: Sit with the uncomfortable feeling that non-Jewish people did this to Jews. Not just Germans and not just Nazis. The European leaders who aligned with Hitler and fought with him did this. The Russians who distributed and popularized the antisemitic conspiracy theories which informed much of Europe's Jew hatred at the time did this. The neighbors who sat back and watched as government officials carted off people they knew and saw every day or shot them in the streets and buried them in mass graves. The ones who convinced themselves they were good people simply because they didn't pull the trigger or operate a gas chamber. The citizens of nations of the Allied powers who turned away Jewish refugees from Europe. The Nazi sympathizers in the US. The vast ,expansive hatred against Jews that prevented anyone from intervening on our behalf.

Sit with the fact that nobody intervened to protect Jews, ever. The Allied powers intervened to stop German expansionism, not to protect Jews. They did not fight in WWII to protect Jews. That any Jews survived at all is a miracle. The fact that the camps were liberated at all is a miracle. Because it wasn't a goal. It wasn't something that people were fighting to achieve. That's what people don't seem to understand.

Killing Jews WASN'T the thing that the Allied powers had a problem with.

Plenty of Americans and Europeans from Allied nations thought it sure was a shame that Hitler was so aggressively expansionist, because he had some great ideas about how to kill all those Jews.

And unless you're Jewish, there is the extremely uncomfortable but likely chance that someone you loved was pretty OK with killing my family.

Or, at the very least, that someone killing my family was not something they had the emotional capacity or willingness to engage with. Think about what that does to my trust for YOU. And if you don't think that someone you loved passed on that apathy and antisemitism to you, then you're naive.

The only correct way for a non-Jew to read this book is to sit with who they are as people and think about how they treat Jews and try to empathize with how this indescribable tragedy affected and continues to affect Jews worldwide.

If you have never read this book, I want you to think long and hard about how absolutely terrifying it is for Jewish people that, I, a Jewish woman, have to BEG non-Jews to read it. Because your education system failed you. And because Jews are afraid that YOUR BEHAVIOR WILL DO THIS TO US AGAIN.

The wrong way: Making this true memoir about living through an industrialized genocide about ANYTHING other than antisemitism and antisemitic apathy. You don't get to use it to draw parallels to other atrocities or wars or people. At least not during/while processing your first reading of this book. Why? Because until you sit with your own internalized antisemitism, where and who it came from, and are willing to confront your own hate toward us, then you are missing the point. The point is that people can convince themselves they are good and that they care about their fellow humans and they can have empathy for everyone except Jews. Sure, they might think it's sad that bad things keep happening to Jews. But it never really seems to be the priority, does it? It never seems to be a pressing enough issue to be worth addressing. There's always something more important happening.

That's antisemitic thinking too. You do, actually, need to prioritize dismantling your antisemitism in order to, you know, dismantle it. Just because you don't sit around daydreaming about Hitler doesn't mean you're not antisemitism. Ignoring us is part of your antisemitism--one of the most damaging and intrinsic parts of antisemitism actually. The Holocaust did not happen because most people hated Jew enough to kill us. The Holocaust happened because a bunch of people didn't care enough Jews to stop the people who DID want to harm us.

If you can't think of the last time you tried to unlearn something antisemitic within yourself, then people like you are why the Holocaust happened. If you have had to tune out Jewish pain because it feels like a "distraction," then people like you are why the Holocaust happened. If your reaction to reading this is to feel some kind of righteous anger that I've called you a bad person because you have proof you care about other people, then you are the kind of person who allowed the Holocaust to happen. And you're also wrong.

Because I'm not calling you a bad person. I'm calling you a flawed person who has the ability to fix a flaw that has the potential to harm others. I'm not asking you to care about other, non-Jewish, people. And I'm not asking you to STOP caring about the non-Jewish people you care about.

What I am saying is that claiming that you care about Jewish people is not the same as actually caring about us.

I'm asking you to sit and read this book and to remember that it is about JEWISH PAIN and a JEWISH TRAGEDY that happened to JEWISH PEOPLE. You need to actually devote time to caring about Jewish people, because society never taught you how to do that, and it has no infrastructure built to help you do that. Because antisemitism is baked into the infrastructure itself. Take the time. Read the book. Let Jewish pain be about Jewish people. Let us own our own tragedy. Do not take it from us to apply to other situations. ESPECIALLY not when the actual original situation was something that nobody cared about enough to prevent.

Understand this: If you're not Jewish, there is no way I can explain to you how painful it is to watch people be so invested in likening every terrible thing that happens to any other group of people to the Holocaust, when those same people never actually first tried caring about the Holocaust and the people it actually happened to.

#an eden original #elie wiesel #antisemitism #holocaust inversion #leftist antisemitism #shoah tw #holocaust tw #night

[gayofthefae]

No bc it's the fact that I WASN'T that invested in Byler during vol 1 actually I got invested in between volumes so really the entire time I wasn't like "ooh another clue!" I started believing they were gonna be endgame - to the extent that I assumed it was the intention to be obvious and I was just behind only to find out that people didn't think it was as obvious as the St*ncy flirting was and was baffled - I literally was passively confident so I wasn't like noting down the proof at all I was super focused on Lucas and Max tbh and Byler was also cute, right?

So what I'm saying is that I realized in 4x02 then had no reaction basically, except empathy, of course, but no surprise, when Mike couldn't tell El he loved her even though they had not yet had issues when I started believing in Byler and I did not bat my eye when Mike talked to and looked at Will like that or all the other moments we've found obvious.

I am one of the many shippers that joined in season 4 after it BECAME obvious and then was like "you guys didn't see it??" I saw it and then analyzed how we got there for fun is what I think many antis don't understand. I didn't need the details to know. It was obvious to me, I just like to nerd out on filmography.

So point being it was always obvious. I never even thought of anything up until after the ily speech as "proof", or rather after volume 1 when I saw that there were apparently doubters I had to defend against, because I didn't NEED proof.

I went "Oooh he can't tell El he loves her I woonder why" in the same way I went "Oooh Max called Lucas' name in the upside down and her memories were a lot of him". Like I could have been wrong about them getting back together, technically, but it's the natural prediction one makes based on context. Byler was the natural prediction I made based on context. Just like L*max getting back together. Just like J*pper getting together. Could I have been wrong? Yes. Was I? No.

I just- I cannot emphasize enough how passively confident I was in Byler before logging on. I am now actively confident and with loads of proof, but honestly I feel like the biggest comfort and best argument to people who aren't invested like that is that once I realized - realized, not "believed" - that Mike would reciprocate Will's feelings, I forgot about it as a concern, relaxed, and just watched the show like anything else. If they got together I wouldn't have been like "told you!" because I didn't think anyone would miss it beyond the point I did any more than they would miss the other canon couple predictions I brought up - some people would, sure, but that many? Jesus.

Really, volume 2 just revealed to me that it was supposed to be more of a twist in season 5. It subverted my expectations of the Duffers' intentions for audience perception, not my expectations for the plot. I thought that everyone misinterpreted what they were obviously telling us but volume 2 revealed to me that I suppose we were purposefully divided. Doesn't change the outcome. The only surprise was the delivery.

Two times I had the thought "why are they doing this?" in the season. When Mike and Will fought in the roller rink and when Mike told El he loved her. Guess which plot became heavily backed up the more new episodes I watched and guess which one contradicted.

#stranger things #byler #first watch

[cowboymaterials]

Excerpt from Decolonizing Anarchism by Maia Ramnath

You say you're an anarchist. Yet you're supporting X na­tional liberation movement. How can you support a demand for statehood?

I don't support demands for statehood, per se. I do support people's struggle for self-determination and the space to determine the conditions of their own lives. It's not the task of an ally to decide what the best alternative is; in order to remain consistent with our own principles, an­archist allies of anticolonial struggles have to recognize that the people in question must decide for themselves.

But isn't that kind of a naive cop-out, knowing that they plan to create a state?

Well, the fact remains that they're forced to operate within a world of states. The reason anticolonial resistance struggles feel the need to institute sovereignty is because at any scale, a "liberated" area—whether an autonomous zone, quilombo, caracole, reservation, or any space run on decen­tralized and nonhierarchical principles—is still embedded in nonliberated space. It has boundaries inside of which these principles prevail, and outside of which they do not. It needs ways to mediate or transition between the two. That is, a zone in which its right to set the terms of how things will go is recognized and enforceable, where another law or power can't interfere.

An area that has fought off colonial rule still exists within the interstate system. If a newly decolonizing area doesn't gain recognition by that system, it has to fear recon­quest or incorporation into someone else's nation-state or empire. This has always been the case for places with fuzzy borders or in border marches. Independent statehood was at least a nominal guard against that, even if only to estab­lish external boundaries by the terms of international law. The logical conclusion to this dilemma is that in order for a decolonizing area to truly adopt a "no-state solution," we would have to dismantle the interstate system as a whole and create anarchism everywhere. There can be no post­ colonial anarchism in one country! No doctrine of peaceful coexistence, but continuous world revolution!

Seriously, though, how do you feel about standing next to or under a national flag? In an era when media images are so powerful, you have to be aware of what it means to link your­ self visually to an icon like that.

Yeah, I do pay attention to that-say, to where I 'm standing during a rally. The same goes for some sectarian organizations back home. But since you brought up visual meanings: flags and such are powerful symbols for many groups, including nations and states. Still, the symbolism of any given flag in a particular context is also layered with other complicated meanings and associations. We need to pay attention to the messages being communi­cated. Where is it shorthand for "freedom;' "revolution:' or "self-determination:' and where is it read as an icon of state power?

Yeah, about that idea: your principle about respecting other people's self-determination raises more questions, and not just about states. What are the limits within which you can say, "This isn't my business; they can organize themselves as they want to," and beyond which you have to say, "This is abhorrent to my principles; I cannot stand with this struggle"?

Look, we all know that the enemies of our enemies aren't always our friends. Especially given the emphasis we place on the importance of means and process as a prefigu­rative path to the desired outcome, anarchists engaged in solidarity-based resistance can't postpone the problem or write it off as tactical. So one clue is whether someone else who's opposing a particular empire-the United States, let's say-is categorically anti-imperialist, or if they're just pull­ing for a rival power to get the advantage, supporting some unsavory character simply because they're anti-American. There are a lot of false binaries presented to us.

Well then, let's be more concrete. If you can't separate means and ends, the negative and positive fights, how can you support uncritically a group of people who are—oh, I don't know—reactionary, misogynistic, authoritarian, anti­-Semitic, chauvinistic, or super religious?

I don't. For one thing, be careful not to equate a whole culture or society with any of those adjectives. But I take your point, and the thing is, relationships of solidarity should not be uncritical from either side. If practiced on a level ground of mutual respect and two-way dialogue, there should be neither romanticizing nor paternalism. Your partners are not saints, noble savages, or charity cases. If I hate imperialism, then it's in my own interest to work against it from any angle I can. I'm not doing it as a favor to anyone. If we have (at least some of) the same goals and enemies, agreement in the need for resistance is not a stretch. And along the way you're learning from and changing each other. Pay attention. You gain trust by showing integrity and commitment over time. Then maybe someday, you'll have earned the right to intervene as an insider.

Sure, be respectful listen, learn. OK. Still, how can you remain committed to your own core anti-oppression principles regarding things like gender and sexuality, or animal rights, without perpetuating the subtle (or not-so-subtle) colonialism of trying to "improve" someone else's culture? Can you refrain from imposing your own ideas on someone whom you're sup­posed to be supporting, if that means condoning ideas that go against your convictions regarding pure anarchist principle?

You mean, why can't we just persuade the Arab world to go vegan?

Very funny. But I mean really: is this an insurmountable paradox ? On the other hand, is "taking leadership" just an­ other cop-out, an abdication of principles?

It's important to recognize the internal debates within any society and its dynamic changes through time. Nothing is monolithic. It's virtually guaranteed that not all members of the putative nation are in total agreement about their so­cial visions. Chances are that among these elements, you'll recognize counterparts with whose principles, strategies, tactics, and methods you do feel affinity. That's who you "take leadership" from.

(Excerpt from Maia Ramnath's Decolonizing Anarchism, "On Solidarity" pp. 251-255, source)

#anarchism #decolonize #free palestine #this is a dialogue the author made up fyi #full text free in source link #colonialism

[delgado-master]

I find it so funny when people are like “white people should feel ashamed to be white, their ancestors committed genocide (but saying you’re ashamed is white guilt and racist).”

First, there are plenty of white people who fought against genocides and slavery and to say “their contributions are not important” is shitting on their legacies. A lot of people broke the law to do the right thing over the ages and I think we need to remember that.

Second, not every white person was considered white a century ago. My relatives came to america to escape genocide, and had to face hiring discrimination based on their ethnicity. But she was Irish so I guess she committed (her own country’s?) genocide because she’s white. (By the way, a lot of racists are still also racist against Irish people. If someone talks shit about Irish people, you should take that as a warning that they are racist against other minorities. They just feel emboldened to talk about the Irish because we’re white and so white people won’t call people out on it)

Thirdly, as a hispanic with family members that immigrated to Puerto Rico in the early 20th century: some of my ancestors on my father’s side probably participated in various genocides. That doesn’t make my father any less hispanic. By the way, did you know many Hispanics are considered white by the US government? Even though my father gets none of the benefits of white privilege, and was ousted from his position for a white guy with no privilege, the US government says he’s white.

Anyway racism is a lot more complicated than “all white people are actively responsible for their genocide.”

Little tangent: I was looking when anti-Irish discrimination faded out in the wayside, and literally found an article publishing lies saying that discrimination was rare (it was not). And the KKK literally were bigoted against Catholics (which is a racist stand-in for Irish) well into the 1970’s (and probably still are). Hell, you can still find people being assholes about Biden’s Catholicism (which is a racists way of being a bigot about him being Irish)

[firespirited]

I think Dolly Parton is a brilliant singer songwriter and performer. She made her way in a music scene and a society that didn't respect women. But I don't like the way Dolly Parton runs Dollywood and her lack of political action (unless we find out she donates to actual leftists or runs an abortion underground railroad or something) . And I really can't stand "Dolly Parton" the persona, the huge hearted giver of folksy poverty advice that appears on TV. I love her work but totally cringe when she's called to play a magical whimsical godmother to all. I don't wish to harsh anyone's mellow about her, she's played delightful characters, she's a hard-working career woman who doesn't use her public.

I know It's not fair to hold her to higher standards to any other artists and yet. Dolly playing everyone's best friend and ally "Dolly" gets on my nerves. It usually involves some anecdotes about how she grew up dirt poor and that makes people have to be creative and resilient. Yeah and some don't make it and you could make sure your employees never have to feel the cold and rrrrrgh. Irrational annoyance not even at the woman herself but the weird pedestal society put her on.

So seeing her as a revered icon in a sci fi about the future was jarring. On one hand, she's tacitly taking a political position for trans and gender identity rights IRL by appearing in this episode which is huge. Dollywood probably won't have pro trans policies but as a quiet declaration, it's still not nothing.

On the other hand, in the story, her advice was as about as good as a fortune cookie saying "trust your heart" or "take one step then think about the next" and not very respectful of the fact she was dealing with a woman fighting for her people's lives against a violent state facing a complex ethical dilemma: one life for many. I really don't think that's the time to talk about your momma's can-do attitude. It's time to say "that sucks, that's an awful position to be in. would you like someone to bounce your options and potential moves off until you can see more clearly?" or even "that's rough honey, can I give you a song and a hug?"

IDK it was a complicated episode. Lots of issues to unpack: we fought for this teen's agency to get surgery for herself but now the teen's agency to join an activist group for her people against her repressive nation is in question? The father who lost sight of the mission and potentially endangered his daughter due to a need for vengeance. The diplomatic channels that were presented as the 'right thing' when they've been comfortable with human rights abuses before, it was just setting up these women to be failed by state apparatus. And they would have been if it wasn't for the last minute miracle evidence beyond evidence even though there was already plenty of evidence.

It's a good episode if I'm still thinking about it later, very good if I'm poking holes in the story writing.

The Orville new horizons has become quite the excellent sci-fi. I really hope McFarlane has enough dirt on studio execs to get another season made. Committing to the android staying aromantic was bold. Tackling the trans hot topic via intersex issues was bold. They even pulled a "Tuvix" ethical right that sure felt wrong with the time travel episode.

Now if Dolly could set the terms for the conglomerate that runs Dollywood and demand the right to unionize, living wages, healthcare and full anti discrimination policies regardless of what Tennessee laws may be passed, I'll open a shrine to Dolly Parton. Tacit just isn’t enough when your former poverty and status as gay icon is going to be part of your identity and selling points. I do hope she made bank on that vaccine though, excellent investment.

#saf #the orville new horizons #Spoilers for s3 #The orville #Saffy's irrational icks: working class artists who don't pay it forward enough

[aronarchy]

Sysmeds seem to be completely unable to be critical of the DSM or anything else they read if it’s “official,” lol.

The fight to exclude non-distressed impairment from definitions of disorder is a hard-fought ongoing battle by disability activists.

Currently, what is considered “functioning wrong” is determined entirely by (white Western) standards of what is “bad functioning”: when something goes against a set notion of what the body should be like/do. Once again sysmeds (like certain other bigoted/exclusionist/identity-invalidating/-disbelieving groups) essentialize the “default” human body (or what they consider the default) at the expense of individual needs and desires and experiences. If the body/mind is working “wrongly,” but the individual is okay with it and not distressed by it, where’s the issue? Why is it an illness, why does it need to be “fixed”?

Consider that not everyone aligns with the expected default regarding what they want and feel in comparison to what their body/mind is doing. And that is okay.

Major strawman/edge case there: anti-sysmedicalists have never said that the distress we discuss is “distress from knowing you have DID (they’re probably thinking of people feeling despair/internalized stigma).” We acknowledge that you can be in distress from experiencing DID while unaware/in denial of it. Not what this is about. If you “have parts” but are not in distress, it is not DID.

If someone “experiences issues” with relationships/work, that means they are distressed by it. But distress has to be evaluated in isolation: is their distress caused by having alters itself, or the alters fighting/switching a lot but not having alters itself (as in, if the fighting & frequent switching were addressed there would no longer be any distress), or is it because they are forced to do relationships/work because of society/capitalism forcing them into distressing situations they would not experience if they had choice in a liberated world?

Unless they aren’t distressed, but still do relationships/work in a way normative society considers “wrong”/rulebreaking/inefficient/whatever, and go through that totally aware and fine with it, and although they are incapable of forcing themselves to conform they are totally fine with not conforming. In which, once again, the problem would be with external society alone, not the way their brain works itself.

Perhaps think for a damn second before you start saying “disorder is when you can’t be a good little capitalist stooge on the assembly line being as productive as your peers even if you don’t have a problem with that as long as your bosses do.” Perhaps consider where that rhetoric likely came from, and who would benefit from it.

(Note: I’m not saying situations 1 or 2 would not qualify as DID/disordered. But clarifications.)

Seems like sysmeds on average/mostly consider autism inherently a disorder. But why would my autism be a disorder, if in an accommodating and non-stigmatizing world I would not experience any distress from the fact that I have it, and all the distress I experience right now is allowed to be because of/caused by external factors? (Obviously every autistic person has different experiences. But also, obviously, nuance exists.)

I do have actual disorders and the experience is quite different, they’re mostly hell with a few occasional reprieves (though I’m kind of recovering and have been doing better these past few months) but yeah, I’m extremely pissed off at medicalists trying to equate the two experiences. I (personally) would greatly appreciate if I had the option to make them/their symptoms go away entirely, as they’re quite unpleasant. I think it's quite ridiculous that certain people would claim experiencing that is equivalent to merely experiencing abnormality/non-normativity/divergence/difference.

Going to (shamelessly) self-promote my essay here, I scribbled it down at 2am two months ago and have been too low on spoons to edit out any potentially undesirable bits but I’m too tired of explaining the same things over and over and it’s reasonably comprehensive.

This post is not about origins, it is about currently experienced effects. Do not complain about this post being pro-/anti-endo, I’m pro-endo but that’s not really relevant to this.

#OP #syscourse #disability justice #disability liberation #neurodiversity #neurodivergent liberation #antipsych #anti psych #psych critical #psychiatry critical #autimedicalism #neuromedicalism #anti sysmedicalism #pro nondisordered systems #disabled #actually neurodivergent

[poolsidescientist]

How I Almost Became an Evangelical

I’m not American but as someone who a) watches the news b) knows people in the US and c) is capable of basic compassion the Roe v. Wade overturning is deeply disturbing. The American Supreme Court has six members responsible for (including other rulings such as preventing gun control, etc.) more loss of life than even the most prolific of serial killers. And it only feels like the beginning of the hard-fought rights they hope to overturn. They’re able to do this because the right, especially Evangelicals have fought for it so hard for so long. I’ll never forgot how I almost became one of them.

Unlike many, I wasn’t born into an Evangelical family. I actually have an interfaith background (half-Jewish and half Christian). I had family on both sides but only a handful of them were in any way reliable and/or in the area. Both my parents were treated kinda terribly by their siblings and we didn't really have a religious or ethnic community aside from a few family friends and my grandparents. My dad’s family was Jewish but not religious and we spent the Jewish holidays with a few family friends but the few times I went to the synagogue I found it stifling (I hated the whole women sitting in a separate box thing) and because my mom wasn’t Jewish I wasn’t really part of that community unless I went out of the way to convert which kid me, was not really into. My mom’s parents never really went to church. We had our ethnic Christian traditions but weren’t Protestant or Catholic like all the other Christians around me. I wasn’t the right kind of white person. I learned this early on. I also learned to tic whichever box on the Protestant/Catholic form that the people around me valued most.

When I was around 8-9 my mom and I started going to church. It was pretty liberal and accepting and honestly, that aspect of it was great. I really wanted to learn about Christianity and connect with people, especially as I grew into a teenager. People were nice but nobody really cared and again, I felt like I was the wrong kind of person. I tried to get involved and tried really hard to find a way for them to value me. It was a brick wall. By my teen years there were several serious illnesses in my family and a lot of instability. I desperately needed support and thankfully I had a few nice neighbours but overall it was empty. I was there physically but with all the other stresses in my life I was a mess. I was a good student, I worked hard in my extracurriculars and to help my family out but it was never enough.

I think I was 15 when I ended up going to some Evangelical convention for some reason. It was silly, ideologically a bit empty but I remember doing something I had yet to do at a church before. Make friends. So, I ended up going to my friend’s church and youth group. It was in the area and I didn’t know anyone. I had no baggage and honestly, the youth group was great and part of me is forever thankful for it. I learned that I could be funny, and charming, and outgoing. I got to be a teenager. I didn’t have to perform or prove I deserved to be there. It was one of the few places in my life I actually let myself have fun. And I wasn’t alone. I made friends with my friends parents, we shared jokes and baked goods. When my mom was late as she always was picking me up one of the youth group leaders would stay and chat with me. I did activities at my other church and I spent a lot of time alone in the parking lot. Here, I wasn’t left out in the cold. I wasn’t left out at all. 

I would go to that church and sometimes it would be amazing sermons but other times there would be homophobic or anti-abortion/sex education rants. A roll of the dice. But at the same time people would make sure I was okay or bring food if my dad was in the hospital. Everything they stood for was against my values, but they loved me whereas the good people with the good values didn’t. Maybe I didn’t deserve the love of good people and this was all I could ever hope for. This was the community I could get. I loved them. And in spite of everything, a part of me will always kinda love them. 

One of my youth group leaders, the one who waited for my mom with me, died on my 20th birthday. I still think of him sometimes. The funeral made me sick. It wasn’t about him. It was an infomercial about becoming an Evangelical. I’m surprised it wasn’t a hotline. I think that was the first big crack in my thinking that caused me to reevaluate my life. I loved the church enough to live with but not die for. But on and off I came and went from both places. A year later my father died. The good liberal people came to the funeral but the Evangelicals were the ones who really showed up. In spite of everything I could still talk to them. The next few years were back and forth. I tried a new church on for size. I finished my bachelor’s degree. I job hunted. Everything was back and forth. I did a Master’s degree. I made friends in all the places. I couldn’t commit but I couldn’t let go. Somehow I’ve learned enough diplomacy to have everyone like me but nobody be too attached to me. I’ve kept their politics from being my problem. If someone had fallen in love with me I would have stayed and never looked back. 

I think the turning point was getting into my current field of study as a PhD student. At this point being an Evangelical is bad for my career but honestly, it’s more than that. I’ve made friends from so many different backgrounds. They are filled with their own loves and fears and hopes and dreams and I cannot commit to a community which sees them as less than human. They deserve better, not just because I love them but because they are people. I also have enough education, enough social support, enough of a career potential that I can step forward. I’m still a Christian, I still believe in God but I can do better. I have to do better. I know now that I can.

So, you might be at the end of this novel asking what this has to do with Roe v. Wade and the Evangelical right? Well, the thing is, they’re successful because they let people in. At least in my experience, and I’m not speaking for anyone else, my experiences probably aren’t anywhere near universal and I have my share of privilege, they want you to be one of them. With those churches I didn’t hit the brick wall of not having the right family or right ethnic background or was good enough to deserve love and support. No. They encouraged me to join in their beliefs and share their community. They called and brought food and listened and put effort into raising their youth. The Evangelical right, cruel as they are support their community. If you don’t take care of people’s basic material and social needs nothing you have to say matters in the end. And they know this. And they are consistent. If hadn’t gotten into grad school, or had someone fall in love with me, or I was just a little more vulnerable I would never have left. And there’s always someone just a little more vulnerable.

#such is life #religion #politics #christianity #boy howdy did I write a lot #I don't usually share this much #but I guess I had so much to say so uh #here it is

[my-brothers-corrupted]

Deep breaths for a second, yeah? Adrienne's life is not all of yours. And if we are drawing comparisons, Creighton was her Anti. Cedar is her all of you. There was obviously good still in all of you, we saw it every day and still do.

But the comparison isn't going to help anyway. JJ, is there a full plan beyond Adrienne talking to him? Are you waiting outside? Does Cedar realize you're a threat and immediately act on it? Is there any additional preparation you two can take to make sure you're safe and capable of doing this? Cedar's actual actions aside, this is a risky, scary, potentially retraumatizing situation to be in, and no one wants this to come to harm for anybody.

"I'll be staying with Adrienne," JJ says, reviewing the message carefully. "I promised. He needs to realize the take-over is already complete: there's no point to him fighting. She and I have discussed what can be done, but she doesn't feel that speaking with him beforehand will help. They both needed to be free of Creighton. Once he is, she hopes things will be different. But he's very used to being able to tell everyone around him what to do, and I expect him to try it on anyone who helps her - which is why no one has to come."

"The safest thing will be to go with as many people as are willing," says Jackie quietly. "In the end, it was our unity - our numbers - that wore out the last mind-control we fought against. Chase is right, Jack made sure there were plenty of us. I will be staying with JJ... but no one else has to come, just like on the stairs, and there won't be any judgement if you choose to stay behind."

Max puts a hand in the air, and everyone turns to him. "I would not like to face this guy," he says quietly. "I... have heard a lot about Anti's powers from Jackie, and it's upsetting enough. I don't think that I want to know what that actual experience is like. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about how that... happened to my husband for years."

Everyone nods. Jackie touches his hip. "You can stay down here and keep an eye on Creighton, okay?"

"Okay."

"I want to stay too," says Chase, even quieter. Henrik turns to him, blinking in surprise, and Chase meets his gaze. "I've always felt that I was really susceptible to Anti's powers. My memory has been fucked with enough. And I've been doing really good, lately. I don't feel ready to revisit it."

"I'll be going," says Marvin, a little coldly, and without waiting for anyone, he turns and stalks back down the hall, towards the stairs.

"Schneep?" asks Jackie.

Henrik looks around at everyone, gaze calm, if a little distant. For a second, he looks faraway, lost in something else.

"I was really helpless the day we defeated Anti," he says. "And I don't blame myself for that, of course - I had started fighting first, and that's why Anti punished me so thoroughly. He made sure I couldn't fight, when we reached the end.

"I have heard about how you all got to face those parts of yourself, the ones that he taunted you with, the ugly parts of you. I did not... get that. Or I was spared of it? I don't know anymore.

"The point is that, although I have continued to struggle... I have a healthy body, in most ways, and I am stable for the first time in years. I am... a survivor, as well as a victim. Even if someone was able to control me again, it would not change who I am. It's their action, not my weakness. I want to go with you. I know we will all protect each other even if one of us goes down for a couple minutes. I want a chance to fight, even if it's not Anti, even if it doesn't mean anything either way. I'm ready."

[lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers]

Alright thats my bad then. Not trying to smear its just thats usually what springs to mind when people talk about 'liberals' atm. He seems like a good guy.

He's talking about liberal as in the political ideology, which is, as far as I'm aware, how most people on the left use the word. I'm not saying it's never used as a dogwhistle, but I really don't think many socialists/communists/anarchists use it that way.

He later apparently issued this clarification on his previous statement:

All socialists should be anti racists. I don’t argue racism shouldn’t be rooted out and fought mercilessly. I’m saying liberal identity politics is useless as a method of understanding the struggle and far from being effective is actually debilitating for any left movement.

I know it's something a lot of people won't agree with, but equally a lot of people on what might be called the far left don't like "id pol" whilst equally being anti-racist/pro trans etc.

Ultimately, left wing politics doesn't need a bogeyman to sell itself to the working classes- whereas right wing politics (obviously) does, and I do believe anything that pulls this country back from the proto-fascism we've sleepwalked into will ultimately benefit all oppressed groups, even if that's not the stated aim of the movement.

Meanwhile, you've got Suella Braverman, the attorney general, saying that schools should inform parents if kids talk about being trans and that they shouldn't use chosen names/pronouns for students without parental consent. It feels a lot like the Tory party are making trans people their bogeyman of choice for the next election, and they're the ones with real power to cause serious harm here. So maybe they're the ones you should be looking at, rather than the people who are working against them?

[cologneddick]

i firmly believe in the fact that people don’t need to justify why they like a certain fictional character, but i wanted to add to the sea of posts about fans relating to billy or knowing people who were like billy. this is preettttyyy longgg and i don’t really know if anyone will even read it but i felt pensive and kinda sentimental tonight :)

i grew up in the early 90s in a chaotic family environment with guardians that had a lot of undiagnosed mental issues. as a neglected kid, my eldest sibling manipulated me at a young age to be ‘on their side’ and to run away from home. i spent my teenage years living with this very volatile person. like neil, she wanted to control all aspects of my life and she’d give me a proper beating if i so much as shared an opinion that she didn’t agree with or if i came home late from a rare day out with friends. my salary from my job would go straight to her account since she was the one who gave me the job in the first place, she would influence what i wore, what media i consumed etc. she was terribly religious, racist, homophobic and just a bigot overall. but when i was young, i never knew how it truly felt to be cared for so she was the only person who i thought loved me. i was conditioned to think she was wise, always right and that if i thought different, i was stupid and wrong. i never fought back whenever she would hurt me because i knew that would just prolong the misery and that she was giving me a beating ‘because i deserved it’. plus she was much louder, bigger and stronger than me.

and so i adapted her ugly world views. i was racist against the same people she was racist against, i was misogynistic, i was religious and i repressed my bisexuality cause she said it was disgusting for a girl to be attracted to other girls. deep inside those were things i had a feeling were wrong, but my faith in my abuser was stronger. my frustration in my conflicted beliefs came out in self-destructive ways. i was always angry, i self-harmed, my emotions were all over the place. i got nasty with other people who so much as badmouthed by abuser. my brain was probably messed up from all the times i was kicked by her in the head or hit against a wall lol.

my folks and extended family knew what was going on. a few of my friends had suspicions of what was going on, i think? no one really did anything or went against my abuser cause they were all scared to be the target of her anger. my friends didn’t want to talk about when i let slip what was really happening. they met my eldest sister and she didn’t look like someone who was violent. plus this was happening in the early-2000s in a 3rd world country in southeast asia. not exactly the most progressive place for things like domestic abuse and mental health awareness. i think out of everyone who knew, only ONE person stood up to her and tried to help me. my eleven, i’d like to think. :)

what broke the cycle was college. friends in college. and that one friend i had who tried to help me.

reluctantly, my abuser allowed me to go to college. i paid my own way and in those hours of the day i was away from her and spent time with wiser friends, i started to realize how messed up things were. i met people who weren’t as mean and who seemed to enjoy my company. who genuinely liked me. who called me out gently about my shitty world views.

they gave me the strength to stand up to my abuser and leave her when i was 23. i went back to my folks.

you know what my mom told me? the same thing all the billy antis are spewing all over the place. that i deserved it. i deserved to get beat up and manipulated like that cause i was stupid.

it took me a lot of years and a lot more time with real friends before i stopped hating myself for that and realized… i wasn’t stupid. i was a KID.

i’m no longer any of those terrible things my abuser insisted i be. racist, homophobic, misogynistic etc. but it took time away from her, time to heal and love from friends to help me grow out of that. i’m still growing 10 years later. the plain truth the antis don’t seem to realize is that you’re not just born fucking ‘woke’. sometimes you’re raised by fucked-up people who feed you poison and you don’t realize that ‘til you’re dying from it.

it’s just fiction and it’s just an accidentally realistic portrayal of a fascinating character from writers who suck, but this is why there’s no reason for billy to not be a better person if he had time, friends and love. he already did when he died for people who weren’t even his friends for fuck’s sake lol. he literally could not have done more.

recently while going through billy discourse on twitter, i almost spiraled into good ol’ depression when i saw quote retweet after quote retweet of sentiments echoing what my mom told me and more. ‘billy and billy fans deserve to die. billy fans are shallow and should kill themselves. billy deserved to suffer.’ i ALMOST spiraled into depression until i realized these are dumbass kids who don’t know shit lol. i don’t care what they think. i block every anti i come across now on all social media and it’s been great. they’d probably enable abuse in real life and i don’t care to know them.

people in the harringrove and billy fandom are who i, a past angry victim of abuse, feel safe with. billy fans who never went thru abuse or who didn’t know someone like that irl but they understand him just because they have basic human decency and common sense. this is the only part of the ST fandom i trust. in a way, billy has become a litmus test of which fans have decent morals. cause i know these are the only kind of people who would’ve helped someone like me and like billy if they ever met them in real life. i’m glad you guys exist and i’m really grateful to have found this special place in this huge unhinged fandom. i know it’s just a show and it’s not that deep, but to some people like me, it means a whole lot. ❤

#billy hargrove #self harm tw #abuse tw #billy stranger things #pov of a billy fan who is poc #yes these things happen everywhere

[vctlan]

"All I’m asking is that you hear me out." — @youmourn

Tension lingers, friction in the air that could almost be cut, a pervasive feeling that seemed only to accentuate the heaviness with which Barret leaned on the table between them with his good arm, holding in hand a drink Tifa had pre-emptively fetched him in an attempt to have him at least open for consideration.

And, well. He was. He trusted Tifa's judgment. Didn't mean he trusted Shin-Ra mutts, though, be they abandoned or not.

( "We're hurting for help, right? Zack's the real deal!" )

A weary huff of an exhale exits through his nose as if baffled that he was even considering it, but it's as much as an invitation for SOLDIER boy to get on with it as anything else.

"Don't be thinking I'll be sympathizing with the two of you over some sob story… but go on then, I'm listenin'. What made you wanna turn on your masters, pooch?"

He can feel Tifa glaring daggers into the back of his head, her sigh audible from where she was behind the counter, doing a terrible job at acting like she was just cleaning up and not listening in to their conversation - no doubt willing to step in should tensions get too high for comfort. Hopefully, she did warn the poor sod about just how strongly anti-Shin-Ra Barret was - the fact that he didn't throttle every middle manager he saw was a feat in and of itself.

But for all his bite, there he is, sitting back in his chair now that he admitted to being willing to at least hear the guy out, beer mug brought to his lips as if to stop himself from saying anything else. Whatever it was that brought Zack here, willing to help out one of the many terrorist cells he must have fought against… it couldn't have been pretty.

Because honest to Gaia, they looked like shit the first time he saw them. Even now, with his dark eyes hidden behind even darker shades, Barret can't help but just watch as the other sat there and talked, taking in both mannerisms and appearance - Zack looked rough, like he was shaking off the tail end of a bad flu, not quite at his prime. Much better than his blond buddy, though.

But if what the propaganda said about SOLDIERs was anything close to reality, as long as they were in a condition to fight… yeah. Their plans would go a lot smoother.

And the shortened tale he hears is plenty enough to understand their motivation for payback, however…

"… Look, even with all that behind you, I need you to think hard on this: can you actually handle the job? D'ya think you can stomach it?" His voice lowers, here, and he sits straight again, resting the empty mug on the table. "I won't make light of it: there's risk involved. And lots of it. For you, for the people around you." Regret nests here, but he does not let it linger, chasing it off with a fist that he raises as if to make a point, always a man who loves his motivational speeches. "But if it isn't us little guys banding together, being willing to take the fight to Shin-Ra, then no one's gonna do it and things ain't EVER gonna get better, and the planet will continue to be bled dry until all they'll have left to eat is their damn money!"

He'd stood up somewhere in the middle of that rant, and dramatically does he settle back down, although with a semi-amused scoff. "Heh, knowing them, though, they'd probably try and find a way to fly off and find another planet to leech off if they could."

#youmourn #｢ interaction ｣ 𝘉𝘈𝘙𝘙𝘌𝘛 𝘞𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘈𝘊𝘌 #have i let anyone know yet that i love barret and he's my dad actually now #and yes you get two ask replies dont spend them all in one place ok

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

I can't tell if you like the Marauders or Snape more. Which one do you like?

I like and dislike them both for different reasons. I'm not really anti any of them, nor am I pro any of them (except older Remus!). They all have their pros and cons, which I'll very briefly list here:

James: we know so little about him from canon, other than the fact that he bullied/pranked others, eventually won Lily over, fought in the war, and died in an attempt to give Lily time to run off with Harry. I actually think of James as a "woke" Draco Malfoy, in that he's got all the pampering and swagger, fighting for the "little guys," but not super aware of the broader societal problems. He's a teenager, to give him some credit, but his worldview is rather distorted. As a character, I'd give him a 5.5/10. He's okay.

Peter: we know more about him, thankfully. He was the tag-along friend. In one of my fics I tried exploring how and why he gave into Voldemort, and my conclusion is that his friends grew up and moved on but he didn't. Remus was off with werewolves, Sirius was doing who knows what, and James had a family. We know Sirius & James were the closest, so it's safe to assume that after school, their little group fell apart a little. Peter got left behind and when faced with defending his old friends or joining what looked like a stronger cause, it makes sense. Not to say Peter's betrayal is on his friends - he still had full agency - but my head canon is that Peter felt left out and took his anger out in a really misguided way. As a character, I'd give him a 4/10. Meh.

Sirius: we know a lot more about him! Adult Sirius and teen Sirius are almost two different people to me. So we'll start with teen Sirius. Teen SB is a little shit. He, like James, is a product of his upbringing. Yes, he wants to rebel and fight for the good guys. Yes, he wants to fight against prejudice. However, in doing so, he forgets about others' feelings or how his actions affect others. His temper and pride get the best of him - he thinks he's better than others because he, too, is "woke." As an adult, he's better, in some ways, because he does recognize mistakes and he's more than punished for it. He eats rats for Harry to stay closer to him. He improves with time, like a good wine. 7/10.

Remus: just like Sirius, I need to differentiate between adult Remus and teen Remus, but he's got similar issues either way. Remus is a coward at all ages. He wants so desperately to be liked (understandable, given his condition) that he doesn't call out what's going wrong. He is loyal to a fault. He hides behind excuses over his wrongdoing or his inaction. He's not challenged very much - none of the Marauders are - in terms of personal growth, until he's older. This is why I ship Remadora and not Wolfstar. Tonks challenges Remus to be better; Sirius is literally in arrested development after the age of 22. But, this paragraph is about Remus. By the end of DH, he's happier and has shown tremendous personal growth. 10/10. Chef's kiss.

In a brief scenario to show what I mean, imagine the four Marauders dealing with aggressive racists:

Sirius and James: start beating them up after a heated argument because "that's what they deserve"

Peter: joins in the beating up because Sirius and James went in first and are clearly winning

Remus: doesn't think solving violence with violence is the right thing to do, but stands to the side and says nothing.

Now, for Snape:

Snape: again, teen Snape vs. adult Snape, two different people. We'll start with teen Snape. He is understandably bitter. Like the others, he's looking for a place to belong. He might have creepy little friends and a desire to "out" Remus as a werewolf, but none of these things deserve death or torture. As for his friendship with Lily: they are both immature. Lily probably doesn't understand the enmity and implications of the relationships among wizards in the houses or by blood status. What Snape said to her - calling her a Mudblood - was not unforgivable, IMO, especially considering the trauma that led up to it. However, Lily's a teen girl in this scene and she's got her own friends who likely haven't helped. Snape loses Lily, and at that point he's really got nothing left to lose.

OK, now for the big things. Snape trying to save Lily while not bothering with Harry or James. I definitely think he didn't care if James lived or died. I think Harry, in Snape's eyes, was a lost cause. Voldemort was set on killing the kid, and Snape had probably seen enough that he knew it was a lost cause. That being said, if Lily had survived, I doubt the friendship could be salvaged. Was it selfish of him to want to save Lily only? I think so. But, like many people (realistically) he wanted to save his own priorities.

Now adult Snape - no excuses for the way he treated the children, even if he was covering as a Death Eater torturing Gryffindors. Yes, all the teachers at Hogwarts had their issues (and this is a red herring logical fallacy, btw, to compare Snape to others), and Snape was particularly cruel.

That being said, he was committed to defeating Voldemort, even if his reason was very personal. He was committed to helping Harry stay alive, again, even if it might've just been revenge on the man who killed Lily. He's neither the first nor the last person/character to go into a battle with a single cause. He could've said screw it, I'm out, but didn't. Yes, he was a dick to children and yes he was cruel, but he was committed, till the end, to helping Harry, Dumbledore, and the Order to defeat Voldemort.

I give Snape a 7/10 for similar reasons as I gave Sirius a 7/10. He made some major mistakes - and continued to do so - but where it mattered most, he helped.

In the example above of Marauders dealing with racists, this is a bit how I see it if Snape had been involved:

Snape: does nothing immediately. Plans a long, slow burn to destroy the racists' cause, lives, and credibility. Changes nothing about his life otherwise.

So...to answer the question...took a little time to get there, whoops...Marauders = meh. Teen Snape = meh. Adult Sirius = better. Adult Remus = give me more of that man. Adult Snape = better.

#not really pro snape #not really anti snape #not really pro marauders #not really anti marauders #they're all little shits in some ways

[liminalweirdo]

" The powers that be also badly want us to forget that there was a moment — a long, two-year moment — when people felt that everything could be different, that revolutionary change was possible.

"Many disabled people noted that the pandemic made for a “cripping of the world” — where for perhaps the first time in a while, the world, gripped by a global pandemic, dwelled in disabled reality. Remember how, for a minute, so many forms of access disabled people had long fought for were here because abled people needed them? Remember virtual work, pandemic pay for frontline workers, online school, online events with captioning and ASL, teaching people how to freaking wash their hands and stay home when they were sick, the ability to reschedule an appointment or a plane ticket when you got sick and not get yelled at or charged a fee, and immunocompromised shopping hours? These waves of access, mixed with mass resistance in the streets and at home against anti-Black, white supremacist violence, made for a powerful-ass two years. If that kind of mass access, resistance and mutual aid could happen, revolutionary change could happen too. The state wants us to forget that.

The thing is, though, it’s not just the state. It’s been wild watching people who are ostensibly leftist say, We’re following the CDC guidelines, and drop masking, rapid testing and other safety requirements. Two years or more of rioting in the streets and suddenly, we’re doing what the government says we should do? One minute, we were masking; the next minute, you do you. One minute some abled people are experimenting with “WE keep US safe,” the next minute, every club in 2022 was like, “Masks encouraged but not required. You do you!”

By wild, I mean painful. By painful, I mean heartbreaking. By heartbreaking, I mean every disabled person I know is in a state of grief and shock since April, when many mask mandates in airlines, public transport and public life were abruptly dropped by federal and state governments in the U.S., as everyone else abandons solidarity to “move on.” One minute, a lot of people were masking during Omicron; the next minute, everyone was back to breathing on each other on the bus — and we weren’t safe anymore. We increasingly feel pushed out of public life, as events and spaces from urgent cares to ERs to conferences say, “Oh, we’re not doing virtual anymore.” We’re talking about it, but it feels like no one else is. And many of us feel incredibly alone in our grief, and in the disorientation of feeling like we’re the only ones stubbornly remembering." "

source

#others writing #disabled #disability

[seleneprince]

@thebusylilbee (For some reason I couldn't reblog that reply of yours with this post. Pity)

A following of this beautiful, reflexive reblog:

Wow, you were so expressive, so passionate, so full of rage back there. I would've feel intimidated if you have added a deep, complex explanation of your point between all that messy spit of words..

As much as I would love to give you a full and detailed explanation of why your reasoning is fucking WRONG, I know by the way you wrote your thoughts you're not the type to willingly hear arguments that go against your beliefs and you're firmly set on your own interpretation of reality, so I'll be quick with this and leave you to keep swimming in your ignorance.

From all that load of bullshit and rage filled nonsense you spit out, there was one thing you're absolutely right about it:

"Hamas WOULD not need to exist"

Damn right they don't, their mere existence is a crime. I don't know how many palestinians outside Gaza you've spoken to but I can quote what the ones I came across have said about Hamas, here some examples:

"They're the real monsters. They do nothing to protect us and just keep making everything worse"

"We weren't allowed to leave because they shoot down anyone that tried to flew the country. They don't care about our lives, just our usefulness to them"

"We can't complain, we can't speak up, if they so much sniff someone's dislike towards them...."

It's hard to translate some of them, but you get the picture. Hamas are terrorists, that much is known. They've been also opressing, humiliating, torturing, raping, displacing, robbing and imprisoning people since their creation, but they've done it in a way that only those lucky enough to escape can confess their crimes. The rest are dead. But foolish, uncultured idiots like you don't want to hear that because it's much easier to pin Israel's government as the SOLE villains of this story and buy the propaganda western media is feeding you.

"if ZIONISTS hadn't created a fascist apartheid state called Israel"

Honey, I don't know what the fuck they taught you in History class, but the "fascist apartheid" state you speak of doesn't exist. Israel was created by the United Nations as part of a plan to give both the arabs and the jews their own territory and cease the continued conflicts.

(Fun fact: The Arab League refused this idea because they didn't want the jews to have their own land, and so shortly after proclamation, five Arabs countries joined forces to attack the freshly created Israel state and invade them. Or, using that term some people in this site love, colonize them. Israel fought back, won for some dumb stroke of luck and, as a solemn "fuck you", they also took a 25% more of the territory that have been accorded)

Now, the Israel's government has clearly changed a LOT (speaking in euphemisms ofc) back from the original days where they genuinely just focused on the Israelis and right now there's really nothing good left in that corrupt, self-centred circle of men.

"zionist ideology wasn't RACIST GENOCIDAL AND INHUMANE."

The origin of the Zionism movement was born as a response to the growing anti-semitism, an actual racist genocidal and inhuman movement, that was happening all around the world. So using those particular adjectives to describe it it's ironic and fucking dumb, because they go against the very reason of its existence.

Now there are various ramifications of Zionism, such as political Zionism, liberal Zionism, religious Zionism, etc. Not all of them good obviously, but the main core of this movement was focused ONLY in protecting the Jews and their culture. I'll never understand how a government that knows the tragedy their fellows suffered even dared to inflict it on other people, but well, guess some humans don't learn from the past.

And last one, the very jewel of your whole commentary:

"You are so fucking stupid, it's incredible that you would fuckign DARE tag your braindead bullshit with a pro-palestine tag when you quite obviously know and understand NOTHING"

I dare to tag "pro palestine" because I'm with them and I'm actually defending their lives, their cause and know where they come from, unlike people like you that speak up all proudly against others and use big words you don't even know the meaning of. If you actually cared about these people, you would have done your research and find out everything about this topic. But you don't, you simply want to show your deep anger for their pain in the same way all influencers and fake activists have been doing since this started. You want to be "part of the trend".

The only one who obviously knows and understand NOTHING about this conflict is YOU, fucking uncultured and ignorant asshole. Everytime I see people like you speak up on this conflict makes my blood boil, because all of you have been blisfully blind while all the atrocities were happening but now the biased social media and tv shows and all these radical anti-semitist political figures are telling you how bad it is, you think it's time to "stand up against the unjustice".

People like you only see the surface of it plus the propaganda they shove in your throats, and not the centuries of dark history and events that have consequently lead up to this. So how about you shut the fuck and let the grown people speak about this matter?

#now i know you won't even read the whole thing and will keep insulting me instead #i learnt to never expect solid arguments from people like you #so if you can't talk like a decent person and show your own point of view in a reasonable manner don't even interact with me #i know it's much more comfortable repeat what other people say and claim it's your personal opinion instead of investigating the matter #but don't you dare to come here and spit out nonsensical shit #oh and #pro palestine #pro israel #free palestine #free palestine from hamas #anti hamas #anti israel's government #anti genocide #genocide #racism #jews #Israel #Palestine #zionism #anti zionism #protect the jews #muslim #israel palestine conflict #gaza

[zztheditchzz]

10/6

i had a dream, hard to remember the exact motivations, as dreams tend to be,

but im pretty ure i was trying to see djo

so i ended up in some high school esque scenario, milling around a classroom, around halls

there was a teacher that was taking our role but i knew i was not meant to sit in class. i remember i was trying to find "the pharmacy." i kept asking students, and regretted not asking the teacher when i had the chance.

finally i happened upon an largely empty room.

i saw two dudes. pretty big dudes. a white guy and a black guy. i asked them if they knew where the pharmacy was, because i was looking for djo.

immediately one punched me in the face, lightning fast where my brain stuttered images . im sure it was probably from my experience on myrtle.

i fought back. i tried to be savage but all of my moves and punches felt...naive...weak...a sad little untaut puppet trying to mock what it imagined fighting was like. probably because i have not been in a proper blow for blow fight before. feeling incredibly weak in physical fights in dreams is not new to me.

but i persisted, and kept trying to hurt them. i sort of succeeded. annoyingly, they did not offer much resistance at a certain point.

i dont really remember how the dream ended. all i remember is i never saw djo, not close. but the word "minion" was floated, one way or another, in regards to my relationship to her. i dont know where it came from or who said it, or if it was even said. "minion."

i woke up peeved.

.

i think out of everything, i am just sick of the complete contempt all the players of this game feel for me.

i think i am sick of having nothing to show for myself.

being feared is not a fun feeling, but feeling damned, feeling wicked, is a better feeling than feeling like alone, like a nobody, like a weakling. i know that much from experience.

so, how far will walter white go in the vain quest to satisfy the cptsd inside his ego.

how socialist can i be at heart when i have such anti person tendencies. when i resent the human race. when misanthropy is the root. i entered remission and the tumor was reduced by 80%+, but as soon as the chemotherapy stopped, as soon as i lost my relationship, it has been quick to boot up the old furnaces.

is it even cancer? is it just myself? am i doing a disservice to my true self by not following it?

its not that simple. i do have a lot of love. unconditional love.

but then again, is it just weakness? fear? do i just let people walk ,w alk, walk all over me?

for what?

myself?

or them?

for fear?

what is this? fear of hell? fear of death? fear of ... perception? fear of... fear of seeing another cry?

why?

is it really just love? is my fear and hatred just trying to poison me against the lvoe? to mock it and belittle it piece by piece until it finally culminates against me TRULY acting against my true self?

am i to kill or arent i?

do i want to be stalin for my family, the human family? or for my ego? or for both? does it... does it matter?

does it matter?

all i know is this: every passing day that i am a nobody, that i have nothing to show for myself in the most vain and corrupted americanized version of success, every day is agony. i know i have strategy. long, long games. i know i need to move slow. i know i am revocvering from tragedy. i know it is okay if 2 weeks out of my life at the age of 26 i can say i spent it watching breaking bad and little else. it is fine. but when things arent moving...i feel the quicksand. i feel like they truly wont go anywhere. that i am just lying to myself when i say it is a long, slow, careful, methodical game.

what game am i playing?????? who is my opponenet????

am i really to be a nobody until it suddenly culminates in something???

will operation snowstorm, i, ii, iii, iv, v, vi, vii, viii, ix, x, etc, will it never change how i feel?

will operation new testament change a thing?

if i had a million spotify monthly listeners, even after a year of not posting...how would i feel?

how would i feel reading hundreds if not thousands of people say things that i have already heard...that i am the main character...that i am kind .... that i am a genius... that i saved their life... that i am a savior... that i am a PROPHET.... JUST LIKE DJO SAID.... just like all these people say... will it suddenly make some massive difference when instead of a dozen people i know personally, it is now a mass of strangers ?????????

i think the aanswers here are obvious...

so wht?

am i just miserable because i choose to be?

because i insist this or that bad thing happened to me as a formative monkey man?

if i trained for a decade, putting blood sweat and tears into building muscle, and then won an arm wrestle with satan fair and square, and liberated 1000000 souls, how would that make me feel?

how would it make me feel to bask in their praise?

imposter?

liar...

hack

weak

fake

die

die

die die die die die

die

die

die

die

die

die

die

die

die

die

die

kill yourself, i whisper under my breath for every small inconvenience

kill yourself, i murmur quietly to myself for a small mistake i made

kill yourself, i cackle

kill yourself, i shriek

kill yourself, i cry

sob sob sob

like a big fat autistic retard

with stupid body proportions

hack

stolen everything

everything is stolen

hack

kill yourself

miserable little wretch

"why me?" when things are bad

"why me?" when things are good

FACTS

kill yourself

but no, cant do it fast like a hero

got to be slow like a loser

or human i guess

[literatikoo]

Pro/Con of each Rory boyfriend

Okay, I'm gonna keep this as objective as possible but each boyfriend will be criticised a fair bit. I am not tagging this post as anti-anything but if you're uncomfortable at the thought of any of these men being criticised DO NOT READ!!!

Dean- pros

Genuinely loved Rory

Got along with Rory's family

Went as Rory's escort to all her high society functions with minimal complaints

Tall

Nice hair in Season 1

Is very sweet to Rory when they first started dating

Is the only one of the three boyfriends who seems to know how a relationship works

Can keep up with the Gilmore's quirks

Tries to read big books for Rory

Dean- cons

Loved Rory to the point of infatuation

Got along so well with Lorelai that he started confiding in her about his relationship with Rory

Extremely possessive, has threatened bodily harm on two guys who Rory saw as friends

Got jealous of Harvard

Misogynistic, does not understand unusual family structures

Yells a lot

So tall that looming in shadows and being intimidating comes easy to him

Still seemed to think he had enough of a say in Rory's relationship with Jess to sucker punch Jess even though he had no idea why Rory and Jess fought

Got married to Lindsey while he loved Rory

Lied to Rory to get her to sleep with him (this is also in the grey area of consent btw)

Was not planning to end his marriage to Lindsey until she found out about the affair

Broke up with Rory twice, in public, by yelling at her

Blames her for both times, when really he just couldn't handle being inferior to her

Jess- pros

Genuinely loved (loves?) Rory

Has everything in common with Rory

Doesn’t care what anyone has to say about him or their relationship

Pushes Rory to fight for herself

Takes Luke's and Lorelai's feedback into account to be a better boyfriend

Though he didn't make the greatest impression on Emily the first time, he was ready to go back and fix it

Does not get jealous

Does not yell at Rory for being friends with guys

Instead tries to tell her that he doesn't want her to feel like she needs to lie to him or keep secrets from him

Slowly becomes friends with Lane and Hep Alien

Tries to be nicer to Lorelai because Rory asked him too

He "made sure she was okay"

Great hair

"Why did you drop out of Yale" "You should write a book"

Gets his shit together, writes a book and has a steady income by the age of 21 (is the only boyfriend to do this)

Jess- cons

Loving her was not enough for him to stay

Has some deep seated issues that stopped him from trusting anyone

Loses all impulse control when he's emotional

Kyle's bedroom (again, in the grey area of consent)

Asked Rory to go with him to New York after he left her twice

Did not take her to prom

Said "I love you" and ran away

Did NOT know how to be a boyfriend

Could be a bit pretentious

Was rude to Lorelai and Emily

Took his anger out on Rory in Keg!Max!

Didn't tell her he was leaving

Logan- pros

Genuinely loved Rory

Made an effort to get along with Lorelai that actually stuck

Gives Rory a place to stay after Paris kicks her out

Is the only one of the three boyfriends who seems to understand consent (SERIOUSLY the threshold is so low)

Gives brilliant gifts

Knows his authors and books

His and Rory's relationship lasted two years pretty steadily which is good for someone's first try at a relationship

Tries to communicate his problems with Rory

Had the entire adult relationship thing down

Was ready to change for Rory

Gave Rory new experiences such as the LDB

Knows how to have a good time

Gets along well with the Gilmores

Good at high society events

Supported most of Rory's career

Also supported Rory's... non career (aka yacht)

Logan- cons

Did not love Rory enough to support her choosing her career over their marriage

Broke up with Rory at her graduation

Cheated on Rory with his sisters entire bridal procession

Manipulative: twists Rory's words into something they aren't multiple times

Rude to people of lower social class (Marty, Jess)

Also known for getting jealous (Marty, Jess) (Though I would like to add that he was in the right about telling Lucy the truth)

Spoiled

Loses a million dollars in a business deal and then goes to LA to blow off more money

Has too much fun

Is a part of the Huntzberger dynasty

Introduced Rory to the Huntzberger dynasty

Tries to rebel against his dad by constantly flaunting his privilege

Rory forgives Logan for cheating after he jumps off a cliff in Costa Rica and severely harms himself

Supported Rory's non career (yacht)

Gatsby levels of pretentiousness

Doesn't go with Rory to SH events that matter to her (Lane's baby shower, Lane's wedding)

Still acting like a petulant child at his big age of 25

In conclusion, all three of them had a great deal of growing up to do and they all made their mistakes. But they were important for Rory's growth at that stage.

#gilmore girls #rory gilmore #logan Huntzberger #dean forester #jess mariano #lorelai gilmore #deanrory #literati #rogan #maybe a little of my bias shows hmm #this does not mean tristan or marty would've been good boyfriends either #if you have anything to add go for it <3