#i know i dont really go here anymore

[briswatchtonvault]

a very hasty & panicked reunion in a gross old basement

#normally i go off of Fixed up in castle town post canon swatch but GOD found in the basement trope is too good for me to resist #swatchton #swatch is like barely even awake here #all they know is they can hear spamton's voice and can feel him holding them and they can tell he's crying and they just dont understand why #why is he being so nice all of a sudden? doesn't he hate them? #spamton is just. in a lot of shock from Being told what happened by the lightners to going in the basement fully expecting to find them dead #only to see them hurt and weak but very much alive #he's just realizing how much the idea of them being gone forever is mortifying to him #he'd spent all this time telling himself swatch was ALREADY gone. this wasn't the same person he knew anymore #but in the end he never really stopped hoping they'd be back someday #bigshotswap

[bushy-haired-know-it-all]

I feel like we never really explored the fact that Amy Pond was lowkey famous in Doctor Who. Like she was a famous enough model that people wanted her autograph?

So in universe, a popular model and her husband just disappeared into thin air one day and were never seen again. The house left like they were expecting to come back to it (because they were) and no bodies were ever found? what does the public think happened? Are there like, buzzfeed unsolved episodes about them? Do they have their own shitty documentary on the history Channel or something?

#doctor who #amy pond #rory williams #matt smith #eleventh doctor #bushyhairedknowitall #im just saying there is so much POTENTIAL with those characters even after they are gone #and it would be a cool character building moment for the new characters too #give👏 the 👏 doctor 👏 a celebrity 👏 companion #and 👏 then 👏 kill 👏 them #and then let us see those CONSEQUENCES #listen #i know i barely go here anymore #and im way behind on the 13th doctor #BUT!!!! #... #thats it #i really dont have any thing to follow that lmao i just am behind but listen anyway 🤣🤣

[rains-pace]

i started planning this the week before the second festival and then it immediately became outdated soooo heres a comic of what i thought was gonna happen with the Theseus parallels at the end of the Exile arc :)  i haven’t posted something like this before so i’m not sure how the quality will turn out, please click if they’re blurry or anything ^^

#dream smp #mcyt #technoblade #dream fanart #tommyinnit #haha i dont know how to tag dream #i also didnt test out his design at all before this #but i thought like.. by now it feels like he's not himself anymore #so i didnt want him to look Human if that makes sense #also god i wish i could draw pig techno but i just dont draw animals ever #mm oh also i hope this is coherent #im open to answering questions about whats happening here if not #i really thought they were setting up some subtle techno helps tommy escape moment #then dream would find out and imprison techno #and tommy would get everyone to help him save techno because theyre FRIENDS #and then i was WRONG #but thats ok #um this took me so long #i wanted to go back and fix a couple panels that look a bit weird #but i no longer have time so im gonna deal with it #anyway thats all!! i hope yall like this hah

[omeno]

im really hoping this dsmp season ends in two completly different streams going on simultanously, i want karl to be on the other side, talking to some disembodied voice about corruption, time, and sacrifice, watching as in the other stream, a full on raging war goes off, need against need against need, bonds and bridges and homes burned, stories untold, stories buried under a cacophony of screams, of pleads, of prays and of hatred, legacies burned, legacies forgotten, legacies gone. i want the voice to give karl two options, either keep going as he has been and let them be forgotten like the many before and many after he has encounter, or restart with them, but forget all the lives he lived and never get to live another one. i want karl to look back at the other stream just as hope is losing, and i want him to look at the people he lived with and the places he loved in and i want him to say "we can do better. we will do better."

i want both streams to end in the worst possible cliffhanger and then when the next streams starts up, it's a new seed, a new update, a new world. i want karl to spawn in with a book that has only one page that says "we hope you're right." that he ends up trading for like idk four pork chops or something. i want this to bleed into an arg. it think it'd be fun and also funny

#''human nature #dsmp #it leaves a lot of plot to toy with as well and can continue to like fuck around with the whole core of the story in a much more deep way #like it'd really give the ''legacy ''people before materials/sides/countries/etc" themes a whole ass new different meaning #and it'd make me personally soo happy to see those ''omg dont grief/rob from that!!! it's lore!!!!'' motherfuckers break down ^_^ #there are just some things/arcs (cough cough exile the egg bedrock bros etc cough) that wont get a satisfying ending bc they're like #waay too deep and layered to like unravel in the ever escalating conditions of the plot which does not help when they're so time sensitive #and this is without even touching on the very delicate topics some of those deal with & the fact that meanwhile yeah #the ccs are super good writers and this is their story to tell but they're not professionals #nor experts on the once again very delicate topics they're trying to portray. #ALSO i just miss casual silly little lore* :) + knowing that they're going to tell a story gives the ccs a lot of room/time #to like fully figure out their shit with like time & whatever amount of effort they want to put in #*from My favs. i know maybe your favs do casual lore but i miss when mine did casual lore too. leave me alone indie bloggers 🙏🏽 #anyway #its 4am #maybe this isnt making much sense anymore but uhm yeah #those are my two cents i think #regardless of what they end up doing i'll still be here casually enjoying it second hand from the tl ♡ #o.txt #c!karl jacobs #<- where is my girlfriend #long tags

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

romo attraction is so confusing help

#what brought this on is this discussion ive been having in my head #would i be attracted to venti if he was real #and honestly idk #i dont think so tbh #but also im not even sure if i like him romo even as a character??? #like yes im obsessed with him for sure #but it doesn't feel like i like him romantically #but to be honest i dont even know what romance feels like so idek #so far I've just kinda put this all as #romantic feelings without the romantic feelings???? #i dont even know what to do anymore ugh #either way im probably gonna stick to aro/biro #but I'd really want to know whats going on here #lumine/aether/sky rants #personal posts and stuff idk

[icewindandboringhorror]

one of the bad things about having such low social energy/social anhedonia/little interest in interacting with others in any capacity/ Hermit Disease™ is that like.. once every FIVE months here and there I’ll get fleeting bursts of social energy and will message one or two people to catch up with old friends or etc. and then it’s like... 

tfw you message someone and then wake up the next morning to see that they REPLIED to your message so now you’re actually supposed to message them back, which is an obligation you were somehow not expecting despite the fact that YOU sent them a message 

#I feel bad because it's like.. I know I WAS THE ONE who reached out to you but also I have depleted all of my energy stores and have like no #capacity to respond that this point.. Which usually I'll get to it in like 2-7 days and people who know me (people who I would actually #message) know this/are aware it doesn't mean anything/are okay with it so its not really a big deal but still lol #girls and squirrels i am so sorry i dont know what to tell you but I have Disorders gjhgbhj #oh same thing when someone messages me and then I respond and I'm like 'whew finally got that off the to do list! now I dont have to worry #about social interactions for the next few days' and they RESPOND to my RESPONSE within like 30 minutes of sending it #so now I'm back at the point where I owe them a response even though i JUST crossed that off my to do list ghbh #And there's some people out here who are like 'omg.. if people don't text me back in 30 minutes then they must hate me! i want to be texted #back immediately. true friends will drop everything theyre doing just to text you!! >:T' whereas I'm like #god if I reply to you and you reply back to me within less than 24 hours I'm going to scream... just give it a good 2 or 3 days.. let the #message sit PLEASE.. it's social buffer time.. let's recharge our energy... the the conov age like a fine wine #(unless it's urgent. obv if we're coordinating plans or scheduling something we both must reply promptly exactly) #AND ALS THIS IS just a caveat of text communication like I HATE text communication. another reason it's SO hard to find new friends is that #nobody wants to just talk on the phone/discord voice chat/Some Medium Of Real Time Audio Communication anymore #everyone is like.. 'oh just send short little messages through a stupid fucking chat client or text me or message me on a social media' and #it's like.................................... no........ i dont think I will #Real time communication is SO MUCH faster and more efficient like. It would take me 2 hours to type something that I could say in a 30 minut #e conversation. People who I have genuine conversations with (like 5 hour long talks) are the ones who are not afraid to just be like #'yeah i have somehting I want to talk to you about. can we schedule a phone call thursday at 10:30am?' #also like.. if you text me at 3pm I am not going to respond to the message (depending on the contents-obv will reply sooner if #urgent) probably until 3 or 4 days later. If you call me at 3pm then we're talking at 3pm for as long as you want (or as long as is practica #l - also assuming I'm not already in the middle of something etc. etc.) #Like phone calls/voice calls/whatever - are so good because it's immediate. no having to go through and spell check. I am also a rambling pe #rson with complicated thoughts and i AM INCAPABLE of having short conversations. no matter how hard I try #you send me a sentence of text and I will write back 3 paragraphs. this makes text-form communication THAT much more taxing and time consumi #ng - whereas I can explain even really complicated things in Real time in like 20 minutes MAX when it would take 1.5hr to type and proofrea #d and etc. in text. ALSO I love that it is a Structured ONE TIME interaction. I know eactly when a phone call will start and can plan for #when it will end. Text form communications are ongoing background interactions with no clear start or end. no structure. etc. #in person/phone/real time communication is just SO much easier for my brain to process and depletes my social energy slower #. it stinks that the entire earth is slowly moving away from the only form of social interaction that is convenient to me lol.. BUT ANYWAY

[trans-hoverfish]

I FOUND IT

Like I get where this person is comming from but when Ryley landed on 4546B Bart would be 29

I think that the game made it very clear that the Degasi crashed a decade before Aurora and Bart was 19 at that time.. which means (in combination of Subnautica lore and math) that IF Bart survived the 10 long years he would obviously age up

Maybe reading the PDAs is something that should be done even if you wouldn't get addicted to the game... just saying🤷🏻‍♀️

[I just remembered that I saw someone on Instagram ranting about how shipping Ryley and Bart is weird (or 'fucked up', I don't remember exactly what they said) because Ryley is like 25-30 or something like that and Bart is 19 and I was like "do your math pls" So yeah... I ended up laughing for like 5 minutes (Too bad I didn't take a screenshot)]

yeah ok i get the concern here but like yeah as you said!! this isnt like one of those "taking a 15yo and aging them up to 18 to make them legal", bart's already 19, and he's 19 a DECADE before the events of the game, including any possibility of meeting ryley.

assuming ryley is 25-30 - which his age is never mentioned either, so for all we know, ryley could be 19 himself!! - but we're gonna assume he's 22-30 based on his job, general appearance and maturity in a high stress situation. in the ten years that pass between bart and ryley EVER crossing paths, bart would be 26-31, give or take a few years for that mentioned decade to be possibly rounded.

bart could be OLDER than ryley for all we know. worse case, these guys can't have more than like, maybe a 6 year age gap. and that's entirely dependent on someone's personal reading of ryley. his age is NEVER mentioned or hinted at. the youngest he could be is 18. oldest maybe 40. but who's to say?? it's never brought up!

taking the decade jump into account though,, yeah ryley and bart are like the same age. they're probably within 5 years of each other, both in their late twenties by the events of sub1. its just the time skip between the degasi and aurora that creates this weird "Bart's 19, Ryley's 26" mentality.

like an example off the top of my head would be like, saying you cant ship nathan drake with chloe because they show nate as a kid a couple of times. kind of arbitrary.

but on the other hand, yeah, i guess this ship is founded on bart's 19 year old personality. which is weird at face value now that im thinking about it. but even then, ryley doesn't have a personality to begin with, outside survival knowledge. and bart clearly isn't some super naive child; he goes through some massive maturing character development just over the span of the months the degasi were all alive. bart can clearly take care of himself and speak up on problems, and we don't know if he had another birthday after the crash or not. we don't know exactly how long the degasi were there! or how long they had been in space prior! bart could have been 20 when he died, he was definitely an adult by that point. young, but cmon.

if anybody is shipping bart in degasi era, where he's like explicitly 19, ie shipping him with marg, then YEAH thats obviously a problem. but ryley/bart is, in my experience, almost always written in a bart lives story where he spends 10 more years maturing before being introduced to ryley.

they're,,,, they're the same age. almost always, if theres some odd story out there making it not always, expressly written where bart is nearly 30, making him typically older than ryley. the central idea with this person's take is that bart is not, and should not, be written as his Recent Post-Crash self. bart is Post Reaper Incident, and gets added several more years on top of that. i think it's a misconstruction on the lore/fandom ideas of ages, but otherwise not a horrible thing to point out ig??

(some of the bart ships DEFINITELY NEED TO BE LOOKED INTO. ryley is like, the most tame option, and thankfully why its likely the most popular!)

#ok i wrote a whole ass thesis there huh #i have to awake at like 6 am tomrrow and here i am. explaining bart/ryley to people who probably already agree with me #and if you dont agree and think the screenshotted person is right: i guess i appreciate the reading this far? #like thats a lot of attempting to get my take. youd have to be p open minded and patient. #or maybe just determined #idk #POINT IS #i really dont think theres much wrong w the ship past face value #they dont canonically meet and they only time they feasibly could is when theyre both adults #and bart is typically intended to be this adult in fanfics #in my own i try to go out of my way to express bart's grown since the degasi. hes like 28 in my fic i think?? 29?? #i have khasar still think of him as a child in the first one and paul do the same in awa #just to show how bart has changed since they last saw him #bc hes not a kid anymore! he was barely a kid by the time paul dies anyways! #he went through a lot and matured v quickly #like yeah thats fucked up but bart is clearly matured and a badass LONG before ryley crashes #that personality and version of him as a young adult who can live on his own with limited struggles is the one reflected in most fics #esp ones that ship him with someone else #but then again. what do i know? im not ur mom or dad. im just some guy on the internet weighing in #problems like this arent gonna be resolved by some fanfic writer on tumblr #and my probably biased view isnt adding anything of note #and im tired and not thinking very much on this #so maybe im wrong #and maybe im not #well im running out of tags and im probably making this more convoluted than it needs to be #so uh. tldr: no ryley/bart are likely around the same age and bart matures enough by the time he dies that its fine anyways #dont get confused by the game's timeline consisting of several million years. there's a ten year skip. dont panic about it. bart is like 30 #bart torgal #ryley robinson #subnautica spoilers

[sirenofdusk]

Small update for anyone who cares to read;

I know I have been pretty quiet lately other than the odd post here and there. I've been feeling a bit withdrawn which always happens around winter time (we love seasonal depression on top of the normal depression) and its making me hate anything I make and feel like nothing is good enough. As well as getting my new job sorted and I've been fighting with my last job about getting my final pay and payslip to the point I had to threaten legal action because they owed me £400 and I have BILLS and it's all just been very stressful. Also my Grandma got covid but she's out of the hospital at least, which is good.

So I'm sorry if I've dropped of the face of the earth in regards to reaching out about RP, replying to RP or I'm simply not interacting with people as much as I used too. My brain is on creative hiatus in a ditch somewhere even though I didn't agree to this and I've been trying to get back into it through Febhyury but it's just 👏 not 👏 working.

Thanks for reading if you did and I'm sure I'll shake this bs soon!!

#I can't put a readmore I'm on mobile #I'll edit one in after #ooc chatter #To delete #I really do hate it when this happens #I just binge planet zoo #Bc that's easier than dealing with my problems #I can look at cute animals instead of hating everything I make #I can't shake the mentality than nothing I make is good enough anymore and I hate it #It'll go eventually or I'll be inspired by something #But I just #I get sick of it #I hate winter #I hate these last 4 years #Can I get a redo #Please #you dont need to apologise #also i know people might think and you're right i don't. but i want too! because i like interacting #with people on here. i have some cool mutuals who i want to support and share their stuff but im just comparing myself to everything #comparing anything i make to stuff i see like and im being a real debby downer with myself #cool i'll never make anything that good #and i dont want to throw that energy around #so i've just been lurking #i promise i've seen all the stuff you all made and i loved it #why the fuck are you making my tags all weird and out of order tumblr STOP

[nueska]

good riddance

#eremin #snk #so sad the manga was discontinued after chapter 90 #wouldve loved to see them get their canon happy end after saving the world together #well guess we cant have everything #at least we all know that eren armin and mikasa lived happily ever after and none of them were turned into really bad jokes #i dont go here anymore but they deserve better #i havent drawn in 4 years im so sorry #my art

[sseol]

,

#i feel like i’m just blogging and reblogging stuff out of boredom #this site literally means nothing to me anymore #and i really dont feel the same about many things anymore #aswell #i’m really so so close to disappear #completely #only few people holding me back from doing that #but i dont know how long i’ll be on here anymore #not saying this for people to tell me not to go or so just wanted to let go of those thoughts #but everything feels either fake or forced and i also feel disgusted by many things. lol whenever i isolated myself in rl i’d find myself #on here. but not even this does it anymore

[reidsacademia]

alexa, play "summer love" by one direction

#he communicated with me about expectations for whatever we have going on #HE STARTED THE CONVERSATION #we're on the same page though #like we're really attracted to each other but long distance isn't something that either of us are fans of #he goes to school out of state #but his hometown is my college town #so even when he moves back after he graduates i won't be here anymore #and we just agreed that we're having fun with this and wherever it goes like it's whatever #and while that sounds sketchy i actually feel really good about it #like i am so thankful he's good at communicating and i know exactly what i'm getting myself into #DONT GET ME WRONG #IT'S ASS THAT I FIND A GREAT GUY AND LIFE IS ULTIMATELY GONNA GET IN THE WAY #like i'm already attached but #but at least i can have a good time and know what to expect #like there aren't any empty promises or any vagueness like there was with my ex #so yes it's gonna suck in the end but i'm not gonna let that stop me from having a good time now #YANNO? #YOLO #i'll just have a good time with him this summer #also i'm aware we had this convo after a week of knowing each other #but he didn't wanna get too far into this without establishing an even basis of expectations #which i adore him for #syds down bad

[anotherblogforborderlines]

damn wouldn't it be something if i could figure out whether i loved or hated myself?

#actually borderline #actuallybpd #bpd feels #actually bpd #man how do u be a person #i feel like im waiting for something but idk what anymore #i think im just gonna keep spiraling bc idk what else to do #why do i miss when i wasn't able to communicate anything ever? #does it take the responsibility off of me? #i didnt even know then #i didnt know #i know this is probably a jarring post compared to my last one but #yeah its pretty jarring to feel too #bc my heart is on my sleeve here #congratulations the only time i can be honest with myself is in tags of posts #bc the tags dont carry w the post #im not really doing too well i think #and all i know how to do is keep going #but i feel like im malfunctioning or something #i used to be capable of focusing at work #it was like the only thing that made me feel normal #and i dont even have that anymore #i used to refuse to break down at work #but now its just me in my room #alone #and none of my friends would ever fucking know unless they found this #how tragic is that. #sorry this is so so long but lets be real #no one read this far

[amywritesthings]

when you’re 2,000 words into a moon knight fic after you told your fic bestie you were not going to do it only four hours ago

#i am so fucking sorry y'all #i wrote 5 pages of the dieter chapter #and then went fucking supernova over here with marc spector #there is no saving me #i don't rp anymore really #so i get all my writing psychotics out thru here KDFJSKDF #I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE IT'S GOING #IT'S JUST... .MARC SPECTOR (AMYS VERSION) #moon knight #commentary.

[searidings]

searidings i LOVE you. ok that's all, rly sorry i know your inbox is full

please...... guys...... im only one teary girl..... im crying into my keyboard at this point......

#are you kidding never EVER apologise for making me sob like a liddol baby #i appreciate these lovely messages more than words can say truly #whenever im having a bad day or am ready to throw my entire laptop in the trash so i dont have to look at my own writing anymore #i think about these messages #like little tiny cheerleaders in my mind #and i cant even tell you how much it helps #idk if i'll ever take that s5 kryptonite dagger wip foreward but thank u so much for being so lovely about it anyway #and to everyone who messaged about id the lord dont forgive me on here and on ao3: i lov u not kidding #that fic got way more emotional than i first anticipated #which is really say something considering the emotional dumpster fire with which it started #and it just got me so up in my feels about the show ending and like #just know that if i were ever let into that writer's room for the show's final season #this is how i would want it to end #............anyway #honestly thank you so much this makes my heart go 🥺 #and also 🥰 #hope you're all having cracking days #asks #anonymous #silver-springs #binarynerd #actuallypjo

[leftistaco]

trying to figure out what I want people to say to me

ok 2 rb if ya want

#talking lettuce #lettuce scribbles #vaugely based on something one of my friends said to me a while ago #but its like....th grey text person is more than just fae theyre ment to be all my friends #bcuz my bros really be holding me together rn #its just tough sometines cuz like before i had real happiness and its hard to go back to 'nothings getting better i just feel bad' again #like i get that stuff like this is most likely actually like. brain chemicals that cant just be fixed with one good day but aldo #my friends are here why dont i feel better? does this mean i CANT get better anymore? did i have my chance at happiness and blow it? #and i know that train of thought is bullshit but...man i just wanna feel good again ykno? #but. at least it is really really comforting to know that my friends are still here even if all positive emotions in my brain (including- #-love) are getting ultra steamroller currently. everyone who is my bro thank u sm. i dont feel love for you rn but know i care aboutyou so- #-so so so much. thank you.

[hearties-circus]

Uh oh! Admins mad that some of their top scientists are in their sixties

[Cloud/gordon: he/him ze/zir, shufen: xe/xem ve/vim]

#al art #al ocs #i suppose i should go over the story so far yeah? #theres this illegal underground facility thats up to some incredibly sketchy shit and they keep kidnapping scientists to aid them #cloud showed up about 11 ish years ago but shufen has been there for fucking ages #xe gets to be the wise elder except xe genuinely reccomends blowing shit up as a method of getting what you want #and thats fair! without xem blowing up a portion of the facility in the past none of the scientists would have weekends #but at the same time the facility is getting sick of vis shit so ve probably cant rely on explosives anymore #shufen also tends to. comfort? the new scientists #like yeah you are a famous scientist people will know that you're missing but those people will probably be silenced #but dont worry! your loved ones arent necessarily dead. look hannia and adrian are brothers and they're here together #speaking of hannia he's part of the reason that shufen really cant blow things up anymore #like xe doesn't care that xe lost a hand in that last explosion ve already had a prosthetic but the fact it cost hannia his hearing? yeah.. #its ok if worst comes to worst cloud is probably up to cause problems for admin #cloud/gordon #shufen #smoking tw #caps tw

[thespacecowboyyy]

I feel so sick again

#i think ill skip school #i woke up at 6 or so and hoped this would go away but no #i feel too weak to do anything or even walk so idk if it is smart to try to go to school and just feel like dying all day #i mean i dont know what this is but everywhere just hurts and my stomach feels weird and im dizzy #i just shake and feel like im freezing #also this cough wont leave me alone but doesnt everyone have some autumn cold all the time #coughing just happens to hurt a lot and leaves me out of breath for minutes #i think i probably should talk to a doctor and get blood tests done or something because this cant be normal anymore #im just so tired i cant do anything and it really affects my school life and everything #i dont wanna skip today since i was away last week too but i cant go #i know i seem lazy and probably am but ill go tomorrow if i dont feel like fainting or throwing up any time i move too much or fast #maybe it is all in my head but itd be nice to know that im not dying or something #sorry for complaining here again #bye

[princeanxious]

I woke up at 4 am this morning to waiat in a line, i had maybe a half an hour nap when i got back before i took my meds bc i couldn’t fall back asleep, it is my only day off, and i have been sitting here drawing dukeceit doodles for the past four hours instead of finishing my dinner and going to do the dishes and also my laundry, because i have work tomorrow, and no clean pants to wear,

And it is. 12:35am.

Have i moved yet? No.

Do i plan to? Yes!

Do i know when the fuck that’ll be because it means i gotta do chores and then get ready for bed? No, nadda fucking clue tbh. I could be awake for another three hours staring at fuck all and still get nothing done if i felt like it(and, most times, even when i *do* want to get stuff done)

I’d ask why/how my life has come to this but I’ve learned damn well to stop asking questions i dont have the energy to answer myself

#luka rants #i feel like i am an embodiment of exhaustion rn. like. i already felt that way before today bc my body sucks & so does work #but i’m also pretty sure i’m taking a slow but rapidly steepening dip in physical health and resultingly mental health as well #i sway when i sit or stand and i already have shit balance. i’m always so fucking exhausted but i dont really have the resources to take- #-more than one day off atm w/o getting closer to trouble than i’d like w/ marks against my job #so i have to save it for like. important shit #it takes a month to get enough hours to take off 1 full shift and woo boy every day i feel i’m that much closer to actually like #tripping and either busting my head open or spraining/breaking a bone from my body’s sheer lack of energy regeneration it seems #its been like. a back to back wake up get ready for work go to work come home do chores hopefully finish eating then collapse till 4 am #only to realize i hadnt gotten ready for bed so i get up and do that bc i wont be able to sleep if i dont and then wake up and repeat till #my next day off over which i literally collapse and have no ability to do anything and usually dont even get peace in resting bc #i’m expected to just. treat it like a day off and be open to going out or doing something or be sighed at because i’m too exhausted #to even fucking exist and am expected to be exciteable and sociable like i used to be but i literally do not have a sense of self anymore #i dont have the energy to do anything fun outside of sometimes drawing. not even talking about stuff i like. #it’s borderline insane to just be able to reflect on how exhausted i am and not knowing how to deal or ask for more help. and so my current #help thinks i’m just being a little lazy and god how terrible am i to just let that stand bc i feel like its true. even as i sit here and #ridicule myself for not being able to do basic shit like standing up and putting dishes away or cleaning my clothes or fucking. smiling! #i dont have the energy to ‘prefer’ anything bc all of it is just focused on surviving the next hour #the next day. the next week #‘what do you want to do with your life for/after college’ is so hilariously depressing to be asked because?? #i dont. know #i’ll be happy to make it to next week without accidentally offing myself at work to make enough to pay off the stupid medical bill #for another stupid issue in my body that should not be so severe but is anyway #maybe i dont want to go to fucking college or be expected to hone in on some future specialized career just to live life #maybe i’m not actually fucking capable of answering that question bc it seems my body is trying to off me at literally every chance it gets #god im so fucking tired

[liquidstar]

my brother tested positive 😬

#to be clear though i probably dont have it #i dont live at home anymore but im still worried on my family's behalf so.... #sigh i dont know but if it comes down to it i may need to ask for help on here too #i CANT go see them no matter what bc i live w a newborn now so like theres no way im taking even the smallest risk #not that id be going to hang out w them and covid even if i was on my own tho lol but like. i really Cant #and im worried esp bc i cant do much so. yeah 😬 #im glad i was so cautious while i was visiting and insisted to leave before he came home from school tho... #and my dad thought i was just being paranoid. well. im glad i was then

[firemandeanbuck]

Im literally soo done with Supernatural, you have no idea

Im so tired,

KANSAS where is my promised peace? Arent we done yet

#fuck this shit #fuck it #fuck cw #i really dont know whats going on in the spn fandom anymore #i hate it here #spn #hating the spn writers as usual #supernatural #dean #spnfamily #dean winchester #destiel #castiel #spnfandom #cas #confession scene #canon destiel #fuck this shit im out