#i know i shouldnt care about what they think but theyre the roof over my head. i have to live with them every day

[msiopao]

Sera with the Members

a/n: mark is in this because dream is now a fixed unit and he’s part of the lineup!!!!!!

WATERMELON ADDICT

was the person who made Sera comfortable since he reminded her of home

always asks if canadian bacon is better than american bacon

‘i dONt kNoW, sERa! mEAT iS mEaT!’

she didnt actually cry on stage when he was leaving but she cried when it was just the two of them and he recorded for the last time

it was her idea for hyuck to buy him a big bottle of ketchup

CANNOT believe that mark was a churchboy and ends up acting up in music videos

the duality SCARES her

calls her finny since her name is serafina

sera has her own room but she has an extra bed so he sleeps in there when he spends the night

learned this watermelon shake to help mark’s hangover

english all the time

ever since they met, mark has always placed his elbow on her head due to her short height

sera learned this fried rice recipe from her mom and he goes over to their dorm for breakfast

‘mark bls dont touch anything. get out of the kitchen and go watch tv or something’

always brings up his messed up eggs

‘gordon spitting facts tho’

whenever he feels too overworked or too pressured, sera has always made it a point to come over to their dorm and have a movie night with just the 2 of them with his favorite snacks and drinks

LONJIN

omg these two

sera is typically not mean but when renjun starts, she becomes ruthless

always calling out his fake personality

‘everyone, don’t believe him! he’s 2 faced!’

‘what are you even saying! you act like you’re so quirky and giggly but you yeeted jisung into the wall last night!’

‘YAH!’

so yea, they fight a lot

but its very playful and they know where that line is drawn and not cross it

he talks to her about space and aliens and she listens to every word bc renjun sounds so confident and happy whenever he talks about that stuff

they’re actually 10 days apart but sera acts like she’s 10 years older than him

‘IS THAT HOW YOU TALK TO SOMEONE OLDER?!’

‘okay, granny’

always in awe whenever renjun draws and paints and she really likes seeing him in his element

unbeknowst to her, he actually draws her a lot

wants to frame all of his work 

they go out to the roof and stargaze

he steals her airpods just to watch her go crazy

once hid her phone in the fridge

lives for his vocals

cannot believe how much he’s grown from chewing gum era to now

her heart strings were tugged when he cried in dnyl

renjun always says that he wishes sera was born as his little sister bc they act like they’re siblings

EYESMILE PRINCE

hmm

so their is kinda complicated

sera’s closest to him than all the members bc 1, he was her first friend and 2, he has cats

before, when they still went to school, her and jeno always went together

yes, jaemin and jeno and her went together in the beginning

but jaemin was in the hospital and recovering so it just became them 2

also, she goes to visit his parents so she can see his cats

this results to his parents and older sister adoring her

‘bongsik, nal, and seol are my kids’ - lee sera, 00 line vlive

she always craves for attention and when it isnt given bc he’s too busy playing, she just walks into his room and sits on his lap while he plays

tries to get his attention by saying stuff but he teases her by acting like she aint there

‘fine, i’ll go to jaemin’

jeno wasnt supposed to be blonde for the comeback but they were just messing around and next thing they knew, jeno’s tips were bleach blonde

when shes on that,,,, time,,,,, hes the only one in the dorm she listens to

not even johnny, who’s practically her father

collabs with her mukbang show and jsmr

he mentions her like at least once whenever he has lives that she’s not in

steals his glasses all the time just to watch him wander around with this confused adorable face

hugs are so cute w these two and czennies see them hugging in videos and she can barely reach his shoulder 

forehead kisses and sweater paws for daysss

NANA

drop dead gorgeous boy

shes not safe from jaemin’s affections

*cue jeno glaring at him for stealing her*

we all know how much he loves the members and whenever sera breathes, he busts his uwus

takes so many pictures of her

sera buys him lots of lip balms and carmex but he always forgets to put them on

sera hates peaches but she buys him peach flavored sweets whenever she sees them

‘NANA!!’

sera is also an attention whore so she always runs to him and wraps her arms around him and he squeals by how cute she is

bought him an expensive camera for his birthday

has a polaroid picture of him in her clear phone case

actually, her phone background is an old picture of predebut sera, jeno, and jaemin

one of the rare moments where she cried was when she found out that jaemin wouldnt be in a few comebacks bc he was sick

kept visiting him and jaemin cannot repay her enough

the dorm is full of ryan and winnie plushies from the sofa, a tiny winnie plush on the corner of the island counter, and their bedrooms

sera is the one who always throws away the his satanic drink even though it’s still full

‘yah, you need to think about your health and if it your body is tired, dont fight it by trying to drink these to keep your energy’

sleepovers with them are often and sometimes found sleeping on the spare bed in her room

FULL SUN

our big babie

oh boi when he got hurt

sera called him twice a day, one in the morning and one at night, just to check if it’s still hurting and making sure he’s resting

forever remembers when he dressed up as a girl 

‘you see, i’m not the only girl member. dongsuk is just on hiatus right now’

his name on her phone is ‘man-child’

when he went on tour with 127, she really missed him

like she missed him so much that she kept posting on instagram for him to hurry back home

still mad that he moved dorms to be with the older members

when sera got sick, she made him sing ‘no longer’ to her like a lullaby

when he asks sera to do something for him, usually she says no because he asks her to do ridiculous things but his aegyo always convinces her

thinks his color amblyopia is so fascinating and adds more into the unique traits he has

another attention giver and she loves hugging him because he gives really warm hugs

one time, jeno and sera had a fight and it got so bad that hyuck had to be called and he was the only one who got to talk some sense in sera to talk to jeno

but the legendary markhyuck summer fight was resolved because sera yelled at them and cried since they are best friends and they shouldnt be like that to each other

they made up since ‘wow sera cried’ and ‘the members are ready to beat us up if we continue this’

and by members, like all members, including the older ones

sera knows how much being the moodmaker title burdens him so she tries to ease that burden by talking to him just the two of them

DOLPHIN CHILD

look how adorable he is UWU

he is 1/2 of sera’s sons

like she’s whipped for him and jisung and he knows it too

‘noona~’

‘yes, i will give you the world, the stars, and the moon’

thinks his laugh is endearing and is sad that it isnt that high-pitched anymore since his voice got a little deeper

cannot believe how much he’s grown too

when he speaks in chinese, sera thinks its the cutest thing 

‘can we give his scalp some rest? its not healthy for the boy’

trust fund babies

you know how chenle has 3 airpods?

sera went through 4 phones since she keeps losing or breaking it

dont ask how bc shes as clumsy as namjoon

had this phase where he wouldn’t stop back-hugging his noona and she just left it alone

always buys him snacks and cooks him a lot of food bc she thinks he’s too skinny and wants him to be healthy and gain some fat on those cheeks again

on their break, she went to china with jisung and her lock screen is a picture of her and chenle holding his nephew

triggered her baby fever

czennies ship them but he makes it clear she’s the older sister he’s never had

nct dream took a vacation to her hometown and she bought them basketball tickets so chenle could see his idol

his mom practically adopted her since she goes over to his apartment all the time whenever the others are getting too much for her

she misses him so much its not even funny

JISUNG PWARK

our maknae is growing up :(

sera had the whole family sit and watch the first episode of dancing high

so proud of her boy

she called him during the show and it was shown and heard about her telling him to take care of himself and to not be too hard on his body and that she’s waiting for him at home

as the youngest member overall, sera babies him the most

he obvs takes advantage of it and she used to cuddle him to sleep when he was younger bc he had a hard time sleeping

again, cooks for him a lot since he’s a growing boy and making sure he takes vitamins and drinks water and limit sugary things

she calls his mom to give him updates about her son

remember his phone that he used until it actually died?

sera actually bought him a new one before that happened and just casually gave it to him

‘i know this was going to happen so i just took care of it. i have to take care of you, jisung-ah’

hypes him up whenever he dances bc wow this boy is actually talented

doesnt really like skinship but he tolerates it when she holds his hands bc theyre so much bigger than hers

one day just woke up and she got so confused when jisung grew up

‘did you grow in your sleep?’

‘n-no?’

loves his awkward nature and she keeps saying how adorable he is and cute he is whenever he acts cool

god, she’s just so whipped for him

but tbh, who isn’t?

aaaahhhhhh i cannot believe our wish came true and they became a fixed unit and we really getting a comeback and an mv in the 29th!!!

#nct dream #nct #nct 22nd member #nct dream 8th member #nct au #nct dream imagines #nct dream imagine #nct dream scenarios #nct dream scenario #nct dream 8th member au #8th member of nct dream #nct 22nd member au #22nd member of nct #nct dream female member #nct female member #nct female addition #nct dream female addition

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 9

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationdhip. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, language, violence, abuse and torture. If youre triggered by any of this i suggest not reading.

6 months later....

Me and bobby were sitting at the table eating the homemade lasanga and garlic bread i had made when his phone started to ring. He leaned over and with one hand snatched the phone from its cradle never faltering with his other hand that had a fork full of lasanga.

"Yeah?" Bobby said evenly. "Alright what time will you be in?" Bobby glanced my direction, i smiled warmly at him and he just stared. "Alright see you in a few."

He sighed when he hung up, "that was sam." I perked up at the mention of his name. I hadnt seen him in so long and to be honest i missed him. "Theyre going to stop by, need some info on a hunt."

I smiled, "thats great! I miss that boy." Then it hit me. "Wait, you said they. That means.."

He nodded, "yeah deans gonna be here too. Sam wanted to give you a heads up before they get here. Ya know, just in case you wanna bolt."

I thought about it long and hard, would seeing dean bring up all those old feelings ive been burying since i left? Would he even be happy to see me? Would he be mad? Would he even acknowledge i was here?

I sighed and gave him a small smile that im sure didnt reach my eyes. "Ill be alright bobby, ive got dinner dishes to do and plenty to keep me occupied. If i know dean hes gonna want food so ill fix them a plate when they get here then you wont even know im here."

We finished our dinner and when i stood to take our plates i asked, "what time will they be here?"

"Id say about another hour."

I nodded and made my way to the kitchen to get started on the dishes and to clean up.

An hour and a half later there was a knock on the door. I could hear from the kitchen.

"Hiya bobby." Sam said.

"Good to see ya boys." Bobby said sounding cheerful.

"Doing some spring cleaning bobby?" That was the voice that has haunted me for the past 6 months. I could almost smell him from where i stood. That comforting feeling blanketed me just by hearing his voice. I sighed to myself knowing he didnt know i was here.

I took the lasanga and plated a huge piece for sam and dean, along with placing the garlic bread in the basket from earlier. I took a deep breath and took my first steps out towards the boys.

I walked up behind them where they sat at the table, i set down the plates in front of them. Both men jerked in response then our eyes met.

"(Y/N)!" Sam jumped up from his spot at the table and engulfed me in a huge hug.

"Hey sammy, its good to see you." I was geniunely happy to see him.

He pulled back and inspected me, "you look great. How are you doing?"

"Better than i was last time you saw me." I said matter of factly and im sure dean knew what incident i was talking about.

"What the hell?" Dean said still in shock i think.

"Hey dean." I said in a flat tone. His brow furrowed at that.

"How long have you been here?" He asked.

"6 months." I said over my shoulder making my way to get their drinks. When i turned around from the fridge dean was standing there behind me.

"You have been here this whole time and never contacted me? Ive been going crazy not knowing where you were." Dean sounded mad, the nerve.

I straightend my spine to stand as tall as i could, "you made it pretty clear that night what you wanted."

"Damn it (Y/N), thats not fair."

I chuckled, "lifes not fair dean, you of all people should know that. Now go back and eat. I cant stand for food to be wasted."

"We are not done here." He said through gritted teeth.

I pushed past him but turned around right before i walked out. "Yeah dean, we are." With that i placed the drinks on the table and walked upstairs.

I changed into my running clothes the same ones i wore the night me and dean had sex. He thinks he has a hold on me well im going to remind him just what he walked out on.

I hopped down the stairs and put my hair up in a high ponytail. I hooked my ipod to my armband and slipped my tennis shoes on. All eyes focused on me when i walked into the dining room.

"Im going for a run, dont stay up to late old man." I walked over to bobby and kissed his cheek.

He smiled up at me "be careful."

"Dont worry, ill be fine." I looked to sam and dean and didnt fail to notice the lust in his eyes. "If you boys are gone before i get back, its been nice seeing ya again."

Sam stood and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. Dean didnt move didnt even look at me. I slapped him on the shoulder, "see ya deano."

With that i made my way outside. I started stretching my muscles when i got out in the warm air. I was getting ready to start my run when i heard the front door open behind me.

"(Y/N), we need to talk." Deans voice sent a chill up my spine but i tried my best to ignore it. I closed my eyes and sighed as i turned towards him.

"Have you found parker yet?"

Dean shook his head.

"Then we have nothing to talk about." I said as i started walking up the driveway. Dean was close behind me.

"Yes we do. You cant run from me forever."

I picked up my pace to a light jog, "tell ya what. If you can keep up we can talk."

I started running faster, i knew dean didnt do running. I heard him huffing then stop all together. I smiled over my shoulder at him then put my ear buds in and cranked up my music.

When i got back to bobbys an hour later the impala was still parked in the driveway. I rolled my eyes and opened the front door. I heard the guys talking in the living room then i heard my name come up.

"I dont know what to do. (Y/N) just wont talk to me." That was dean.

"Maybe she will come around. I mean you walked out on her at the worst time in her life." I recognized that as sam. He was taking up for me.

"Did she never mention anything to you? I mean she has been here for half a year." Dean asked bobby.

"She never talked to me about anything. I wasnt going to force her." Bobby said sounding aggitated.

"You mean to tell me after all this time you two living under the same roof nothing has come up about that night?"

I heard a glass slam down on the table. "You calling me a liar?"

I figured id show my face before it got more heated. "Im back, gonna grab a shower then head to bed."

Bobby nodded and i dashed up the stairs before anyone could say anything else. After my shower i walked down stairs to get a bottle of water. The guys were talking about some kind of lore and really didnt pay me no mind.

I walked back upstairs but instead of going to bed i went into the other spare room and started sorting files and cleaning up.

I almost had all the files organized and in their own seperate piles, i just had to put them in the file cabinet. A certain file caught my eye, the name sounded so familiar. Patrick windsor, i opened the file and gasped. It was parkers father.

I started reading through the file and it had all kinds of locations where he had been at and owned. Apparently patrick was a demon as well, working for lucifer himself. I was so focused on the file that i didnt hear someone approaching.

"Couldnt sleep?" Deans rough voice sounded from the doorway. I looked up and he was sipping yet another beer.

"No, i came up here to sort through all of this." I said in a flat tone, hoping he would just go away. I didnt want to discuss anything with dean right now. Instead he walked in and took a seat in the chair right across from me.

He didnt say a word, just sat there watching me. After a few minutes it started to get under my skin. "Why are you in here?" I asked a little snippy.

He smiled, "for you." I rolled my eyes and continued placing the files in different stacks. "Come on (Y/N), you cant ignore me forever."

"Its worked for six months."

He sighed heavily and stood up. Walking over to where i was sitting on the floor. I thought he might leave but instead he sat down next to me.

"I know i hurt you, but i was only looking out for your well being." He ran a hand through his hair, "ive learned that in this life we dont get love. We dont get happily ever afters. A hunter can retire and ward off whats out there. Like bobby, he lost his wife a long time ago and has never got close to anyone since. A hunters family and loved ones are never safe."

I nodded letting him talk, this is a side that i doubt many people ever saw of dean. I felt a little honored that he would open up to me, so i let him continue.

"That night when you told me you loved me it scared the hell out of me. Not because i dont want you, because you have already been through so much. You cant and shouldnt fall for me. Youre just going to get hurt or worse."

I nodded and placed the file i was holding down beside me. "I understand where youre coming from, but you cant push everyone away dean."

He shook his head, "i dont think you do. I tried the whole leave this life behind and have a family thing. She had a son, i thought of him like my own. I loved her and for a minute i was happy. Then a demon possesed her and tried to kill her right in front of me and her son. We got her to the hospital and cas healed her but i also asked him to take away all of lisa and bens memories of me. That was hard to see a woman and kid i loved look at me a different way than they had that morning. Never knowing who i was, but it was better for them, if i had never came into their lives in the first place it wouldnt have happened. So i just made things right, the way they shouldve been."

A silent tear fell from my eyes hearing dean talk about what he has went through. I now truly understood his hesitance about getting close to people. Instead of making me hate him it made me love him that much more, but i could never act upon it again. He downed the rest of his beer and sat the bottle down next to his leg.

"Dean, im sorry for everything you have went through. I have never had someone who truly loved me so i wouldnt know how that feels." I figured since he opened up to me it was only fair that i do the same. "At first i thought parker loved me. I just got so blinded by his words. I never had a family i was in the system until i was 15, then i ran away and never looked back. I was prostituting to make rent and for a little food, then i met parker. He took me in, sweet talked me, made empty promises on marrying me having children and having anything i would ever wanted. I fell for it and that has led me to where i am now."

"You can still have that life. Get married, have a family."

I shook my head, "no parker done so much damage to me that he destroyed the chance of me ever having children."

He opened his mouth to say something but i cut him off. "I never knew what love was, until i met you. Youre just so easy to fall for, but i know now that you dont feel the same way."

"(Y/N)....."

"Let me finish." He nodded and i continued. "Just because you dont love me doesnt make you less of a person. Youre a great guy and i hope one day you can prove youself wrong."

He looked down at the floor, when he looked up his eyes had tears in them. I placed a hand on his that he had on his leg. "Its okay dean, dont beat yourself up." Just as he was about to say something sam appeared in the doorway.

"I think we may have something on parker."

@an-unhealthy-obsession

#dean winchester #dean x reader #deanwinchester #supernatural #deanwinchestersmut #dean x you

[jiilys]

call if you care for me

Sirius Black to goobers: the one day i actually come and school burns down

Remus Lupin: what classes were you in

James Potter: i was in english you Were Not

Peter Pettigrew: or history

Remus Lupin: it doesnt count as attending school if u just lie behind the science block till lunch  

Sirius Black: youre all ruining this fire for me  

/

James Potter to Lily Evans: give back my chocolate shake

Lily Evans: i dont have it

James Potter: i can see u fuckin drinkin it we’re in the same mcdonalds

Lily Evans: everyones saying you did it

James Potter: pardon

Lily Evans: set the fire

James Potter: come off it

James Potter: whose saying that

Lily Evans: everyone

James Potter: ah yes my great mate ‘everyone’

Lily Evans: mary, elliot from science, louise marcot, guy from math whose name i dont know but went to ball with ruby garland, sam roberts, and sushi danny have all told me it was you

James Potter: wow that does seem like everyone

James Potter: now im wondering whether I did do it

/

Sirius Black to James Potter: had a dream i died in a freak pharmaceutical accident last night

James Potter: what is a freak pharmaceutical accident

Sirius Black: i was drunk in a pharmacy and put all their throat lozenges up my nose 

/ 

Marlene McKinnion to Lily Evans: schools on the news

Marlene McKinnon: why tf are they interviewing black and calling him a ‘student’

Marlene McKinnon: dont u need to attend school for at least 3 out of 5 weekdays to earn that title

/

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: saw u on the news

Lily Evans: ur tie was inside out if thats even possible

Sirius Black: all part of My Look which i have now publicised on national telly so eat ass

/

James Potter to Lily Evans: wow is this what happens when u go in the sun what a tan u have

James Potter: and by tan i obvsly mean you look like an overcooked frankfurter

James Potter: clearly u need to be marinating in sunblock like a chicken

James Potter: GOD these similes……… no wonder I won the english prize over you last year

Lily Evans: what a shame ur going to be murdered before you can win it again

/

Remus Lupin to Marlene McKinnon: just checking ur the one called lesbo archilles in the kahoot

Marlene McKinnon: ya

Marlene McKinnon: why

Remus Lupin: wanted to know who was beating me

Marlene McKinnon: up ur classics knowledge lupin  

/

Peter Pettigrew to only smexy activity permitted: holy dick mum got an email the police think the fire was arson  

Sirius Black: confess now james

James Potter: fuck you

/

Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: have u seen beyonce

Peter Pettigrew: i meant beyonce

Peter Pettigrew: why does it keep saying beyonce

/

James Potter to Sirius Black: nice work autocorrecting ur name in petes phone to beyonce

James Potter: however ur less destinys child and more destinys bastard son

Sirius Black: im making that my tinder bio

/

Lily Evans to James Potter: you know what i think ur socks need 2 pulled higher

Lily Evans: fuck the haters pull those things tits high

James Potter: ur late to this sirius already asked me if i knew i was being eaten alive from the foot upwards

James Potter: theyre literally pulled only just above my ankle i hate everyone i know

/

Remus Lupin to James Potter: have u seen this

Remus Lupin: sent a facebook link to jomes potter (general dickhead) deserves medal for burning down school

James Potter: this is getting out of control I DIDNT DO IT

James Potter: this page has 137 likes and theyve spelt my name wrong i wish i was dead

James Potter: ok why are you and sirius admins

/

Marlene McKinnon to Lily Evans: they know how the fire started

Marlene McKinnon: or mum knows cause shes sleeping with that police guy

Marlene McKinnon: lit cigarette by the languages block between 11-11:15

Lily Evans: fucking pardon

Lily Evans: are you sure

Marlene McKinnon: course i bloody am

Marlene McKinnon: whats the problem

/

Lily Evans to James Potter: james

Lily Evans: not to be drama but i think i fucking burnt down the school

Lily Evans: literally call me asap

/

James Potter to Remus Lupin: hypothetically in a hypothetical situation if someone was hypothetically smoking in the languages block and threw it on the ground at the exact hypothetical time a fire had hypothetically started what would one hypothetically do

James Potter: hypothetically

Remus Lupin: jfc what have u done

James Potter: genuinely not me this time come to lils pls

/

Sirius Black created the group save lily from arrest

Sirius Black added James Potter, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin

Lily Evans: sirius this isn’t funny i could’ve really hurt someone

Sirius Black: senorita blanco failed me in fourth year spanish so you could say it was karma

Sirius Black: also relax evans ur not guy fawkes u only maimed several expensive smartboards  

Remus Lupin: guy fawkes was famously unsuccessful ur reference is shite

Sirius Black renamed the group blow me lupin

/

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: james has it so bad its embarrassing hes followed all her playlists on spotify

Sirius Black: hes making his bed cause shes coming over who is he

Sirius Black: like evans makes her damn bed

/

Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: marnie attkins just told me theres £120 on when youll confess u set the fire  

Peter Pettigrew: can u tell me when ur planning 2 so i can win i promise to split it  

James Potter: pete are you kidding me

/

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: stop looking at the languages block and being a sad sack  

Lily Evans: you mean where the block used to be before i burnt it down

Lily Evans: where are you anyway i cant see you

Sirius Black: on the roof of the bio building i have a deck chair here

Sirius Black: also dont be a drama queen youre not a bad person

Sirius Black: you hurt no one and cant change what happened by blaming urself

Sirius Black: now come 2 the science block and bring those twix in ur bag

/

James Potter to Lily Evans: nice tights

Lily Evans: i think you mean nice legs

James Potter: that too

/

Peter Pettigrew to reese witherhoon: we are go

Remus Lupin: godspeed boys

Peter Pettigrew: wait i left my wallpaper glue in the loos we’re not go

Sirius Black: im keeping one of these fake moustaches i look manly

/

Lily Evans to blow me lupin: sirius can i have the crisps in ur bag

Sirius Black: no

Remus Lupin: lily said to tell you shes lost her phone and cant see ur response so has started eating the crisps

Sirius Black: die evans

/

James Potter to Sirius Black: yeah every time i said I was over lil was a bold faced lie why is she the funniest prettiest best girl alive

Sirius Black: ur pathetic

Sirius Black: whats brought this honestly on

James Potter: she was laughing and i wanted 2 kiss her so bad i gave myself a headache

Sirius Black: i said you were pathetic 2 soon i shouldve said it here

/

Lily Evans to James Potter: i know u don’t think i shouldnt but im going to say it was me

Lily Evans: i mean i know mum cant afford the damage but im sure minnie would help me figure smth out where i could pay it back like over time i mean im just

Lily Evans: it was stupid smokings stupid and i miss it but im never fucking doing it again

Lily Evans: i did a bad thinhg

Lily Evans: i hate wine and its late and im masd u didnt come to this party i want u here

James Potter: dont say anything to anyone im going to ring you

/

Sirius Black to Marlene McKinnon: did you take my deck chair from the bio building roof

Marlene McKinnon: who is this

Sirius Black: come of it mckinnon i know u have my number

Sirius Black: i want my chair back

Marlene McKinnon: sorry was always taught not 2 talk to strangers

/

Mum to James Potter: school called and wants to interview you about the fire

James Potter: brilliant

Mum: bring milk home

/

Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew: are you with sirius

Peter Pettigrew: yeah

Remus Lupin: tell him i took his lunch and he wont get it back till he gives me my calculus homework

Peter Pettigrew: sirius says he has ur wallet and is now buying himself lunch

Peter Pettigrew: he said to ask if you wanted anything

/

Sirius Black to blow me lupin: so when is minnie taking u to jail james

James Potter: imminently  

Remus Luping: can we pls change the group name my mum saw these alerts

Sirius Black renamed the group fuck me lupin

James Potter renamed the group raw me behind the nice thai place lupin

Sirius Black renamed the group lupin rim me in ur mums home office

Remus Lupin: too fucking far leave mums home office out of this

Lily Evans: whats this abt james going to jail

/

Lily Evans to James Potter: cant believe you didnt tell me about mcgonagall interviewing you

James Potter: dw the police think its me lol

James Potter: i guess everyones been sharing their theories and that that fb page now has over 200 likes

James Potter: they dont have anything on me though so ur still good  

Lily Evans: they seriously consider you a suspect

Lily Evans: thats a big fucking deal james what the fuck  

James Potter: lily its fine

James Potter: lily

James Potter: jesus dont do anything stupid

James Potter: lily pickup

/

Peter Pettigrew to brats (not the dolls we’re barbie loyalists): omg guys lily just confessed she set the fire who knew!!!!!

Peter Pettigrew: guys

/

Marlene McKinnon to Lily Evans: baller of u to burn down the school and not tell me

Marlene McKinnon: is it cause im gay

Marlene McKinnon: homophobe

Marlene McKinnon: but seriously if you don’t call me in 24 hours im just gunna turn up to your house

/

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: fucking hell evans

/

Remus Lupin to Lily Evans: dont talk to the police without a lawyer

/ 

James Potter to Lily Evans: lily please call me

/

Lily Evans to rim me in ur mums home office lupin: im suspended for two weeks and have to pay off half the damage but not getting charged or expelled

Sirius Black: stunning job on not getting expelled or going to jail

Sirius Black: and a two week holiday!!! im going to burn down the english block

Lily Evans: black ur an ass

Lily Evans: also

Lily Evans added Marlene McKinnon to the chat

Remus Lupin: congrats lil glad 2 have u still with us

Marlene McKinnon: lupin what the hell is happening in ur mums home office

/

Lily Evans to James Potter: before you go getting all drama i didnt come forward because of you

Lily Evans: i did a bad thing and when you do bad shit ur not supposed to own up and say so

Lily Evans: i was being the kind of thing i hate and was sick of it

Lily Evans: but in the interest of honesty thinking about you in serious trouble makes me sick

James Potter: i understand

James Potter: i kinda always thought you would tell youre kind of like that

Lily Evans: like what

James Potter: good all the way through

/

Sirius Black to James Potter: love of ur life is pretty fucking ethical

James Potter: i know shes the best

Sirius Black: wait till i tell her abt that time u took that magazine from the doctors office

James Potter: we were literally seven how do u remember that  

Sirius Black: crimes are immortal 

/

Sirius Black to suck me off at the old quarry lupin: in lilys memory we should hold a bonfire vigil

Lily Evans: sirius im suspended not dead

Marlene McKinnon: rip evans (some fucking year – now)

Lily Evans: u rlly couldnt figure out the year i was born mar

Remus Lupin: gone but never forgotten

Remus Lupin: also stop it with these group names

Sirius Black renamed the group lupin pull me off at the gas station by the crisps

James Potter renamed the group lupin take me from behind in the girls loos at noon

Remus Lupin: hell has nothing on this

/

Lily Evans to James Potter: am very bored and out of oreos

Lily Evans: been considering dying my hair black just for something to do

James Potter: youd look shit with black hair

Lily Evans: youd know

Lily Evans: HA set you up for that id never dye my hair. u fool

James Potter: so rlly what youve been doing all day is thinking of that bit

Lily Evans: not just that i also finished the oreos

/

Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: are you asleep

Remus Lupin: its 4am so you know im not

Sirius Black: i have potters keys wanna get mcdonalds

Remus Lupin: ill meet you outside

/

James Potter to Lily Evans: school is shite without you im coming round

Lily Evans: its 11am

Lily Evans: park down the street i have nosy neigbours

/

Remus Lupin to lupin bum me at nasa: for my birthday i want no one to throw up in my shoes

James Potter: it was fucking ONCE

James Potter: im hosting the damn party i wont b ridiculed like this

Sirius Black renamed the group lupin jerk me off while wearing james’ vomit shoes

Sirius Black: two birds one stone

/

Lily Evans to James Potter: have fun tonight tell remus his gift is late but coming

James Potter: we’ll miss you

Lily Evans: nah youll b fine

James Potter: i wont be

/

Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: 2 protect ur shoes i put them inside the upstairs loo bowl no need to thank me

/

James Potter to Lily Evans: i know its late and ur going to think im drunk but ive only had one beer

James Potter: im interested in you

James Potter: so interested

James Potter: romantically

James Potter: earlier sirius struck out with some random girl marlene is now making out with and all i want is you here to laugh with us abt it

James Potter: cause youd say smth funny and good that would make everyone laugh

James Potter: also youre so pretty i couldn’t figure out how to work that in there but you are

James Potter: sorry if this makes you uncomfortable and fucks everything i just had to say

/

Lily Evans to James Potter: when you wake up you should probably come round

James Potter: im awake now

Lily Evans: wow an early one

Lily Evans: how was last night

James Potter: well four glasses are broken and peter slept on the dishwasher so standard but i also said how i feel about you to you so incredibly not standard

Lily Evans: yeah about that

Lily Evans: how do you feel about me now your single beer has worn off and the nights over

James Potter: the same

Lily Evans: well you should def come round then

Lily Evans: quite hard 2 kiss u dramatically if ur not here

James Potter: i know ur againist breaking the law and all but you cant say smth like that and expect me not to speed

/

Sirius Black to when will someone offer to eat LUPINS ASS at the museum holiday party c’mon guys he has needs: turns out lily was lighting fires in james heart all along

Lily Evans: jfc

Remus Lupin: i mean what is the correct reaction to that

Marlene McKinnon: removing him from the chat

#og title: call if you care for me at all' but i thought it was to drama no?? #jily #james potter #lily evans #jily fic #brotp: the lot #caroline does social media #i have literally been working on this in bits for two years and in four days i made it come together through sheer force of will #i know its weird and arguably not in character but i couldnt have james burn it down!! where would The Drama be!!! #carolineswritingtag #im on holiday when ur reading this cause queue is a marvel but i hope u liked this!! pls tell me if you do!! #i hope those line things work on mobile cause if they dont this is gunna b murder 2 read sorry team #queue

[rosepetalmark]

Not in the Stars

2.5k words

Renjun x Reader

warnings: alcohol mention

in which you plan to confess your love for your best friend to him at a party, but the universe has other plans in store for the both of you. 

You like Renjun. A lot. 

That was one sentence in your five years of friendship with Huang Renjun that you never thought you’d say to yourself, let alone admit to. 

You don’t know where these feelings came from, but all you know is that they’re strong and on your mind twenty four seven. Everything he says and does captivates your mind, causing your feelings for him to grow even stronger.

It’s as if these feelings for him suddenly hit you like a brick one day. You were strictly best friends last week, and now you have these unexplainable deep feelings for him, eating you alive and begging for you to confess to him.

It’s not that you’re opposed to dating Renjun, it’s just that he’s been your best friend for several years and he means so incredibly much to you. You just don’t want to risk losing him or making things between you two weird if he doesn’t feel the same. 

So you suppress your feelings. As long as you have Renjun as your best friend, that’s all that matters, right?

Jaemin always makes you second guess yourself, explaining that the dynamic duo that you and Renjun are would be ten times more incredible if you were dating. Since you’re already best friends and know everything about each other, why not date? Only bigger and better things can come from it he always says.

Although Jaemin makes strong points, you’re still scared Renjun will turn you away, mainly because you’re ninety nine percent certain that he only views you as a friend, nothing more and nothing less. 

Yeah you have sleepovers  and spend hours late at night talking on the phone with one another, but that’s what best friends do. If Huang Renjun has any feelings for you, you’re sure someone would have said something by now. 

You get the typical stares from old people when you make your daily trek to school in the morning, him waiting outside your house for you at exactly seven forty two, smiling so bright the second you walk out your front door.  

You constantly get mistaken as his girlfriend whenever you go out together on the weekend, which always causes a deep pink blush to appear on Renjun’s cheeks. He’s always quick to brush it off though, making it clear to everyone around you that you’re strictly best friends, and that neither of you view each other in that way. 

Boy is he wrong.

Everything about Renjun makes your heart flutter, and that’s something that scares you.

For starters, he excels so well in school. For someone who spends eighty percent of his time doodling instead of taking notes, he aces every test and can recite every piece of information that’s been discussed in class with no problem.

He’s caring and funny, and so unapologetically himself. He takes you to art museums on your spare time, talks about the latest conspiracy that’s on his mind, and always insists you go for milkshakes every Sunday night.

And boy was he cute. The way he tilts his head all the way back and crinkles his eyes when he laughs makes your heart absolutely melt.

Huang Renjun makes you happy and positive and there’s nothing more in this world that you want than to hold his hand and kiss him in public, as well as call him your boyfriend so bad. 

It wasn’t until you were out late with him, hanging out on the roof at Jeno’s house, trying to escape the loudness that was coming from inside. Jeno was throwing a kickback to celebrate the beginning of summer, something he does ever year, in which there’s always too many people inside, and you and Renjun find yourself on the roof trying to seek solace in the stars. 

Renjun looked so ethereal in the moonlight. There was nothing more that you wanted to do than press your lips ever so gently against his, and hold his hand while staring up at the stars displayed so brightly above you both in the dark sky. 

“What are you thinking about bubs?” Renjun asked, referring to the nickname he gave you when he found out that’s the name you gave your favourite stuffed rabbit when you were a child. 

God the way his voice sounded in this moment made you weak. The tipsiness you both experienced earlier was wearing off, causing your lack of hydration to become present through your raspy voices. 

But you don’t care. You’re with Renjun, and you are warm and comfortable and in love. 

In love. 

You’re in love with Huang Renjun and you can’t keep it in any longer.

Maybe this would be the best time to tell him. Every time you’re completely sober, you push the idea to the side, trying your best to forget your feelings for him even exist. What if Jun doesn’t feel the same? What if he does but months down the line you figure out you’re better off as friends, and then when you try to get back into your non-romantic routine, everything feels off? You always worry that things will go wrong and Renjun will eventually stop being your friend.

Not tonight though. Renjun looks gorgeous in the moonlight and the little bit of alcohol that remains in your system is acting as your source of encouragement, convincing you to confess to him right now and hope for the best outcome possible. 

“Love,” you reply nonchalantly. 

“Love?” he questions, staring back to you, seemingly surprised with your response. 

“Yeah. Just wondering what the universe has in store for me, you know?” you ask, turning your body to face his direction, criss crossing your legs over one another. “The idea of love both intrigues me and freaks me out. It’s exciting anticipating what will come from it, but the fear of something going wrong down the line makes me not want to pursue it, you know?” you say, staring innocently into his eyes.

He cocks his head, an intrigued look falling on his face. He purses his lips, looking as if he’s going to say something, but remains silent. 

You both remain in silence for the next several minutes, which causes your thoughts to wander. What if Renjun has caught on? Maybe he’s thinking of ways to turn you down gently. Or he’s trying to express that he somehow knows you’re talking about him, and he’s trying to do so in a similar manner. 

But the silence is killing you, and you want nothing more than for Renjun to say something. Anything to get your thoughts to shut up, and your heart race to stop rapidly beating.

“I think you shouldn’t be scared of love,” he finally says. 

Taking a deep breath, he looks off into the sky, admiring the many stars laying millions of miles away from you both. “I get that you never know what may come out of it, but I think it’s worth a shot to know you tried, and to experience something you’re not fully sure is going to work,”  he speaks softly.

“Take a look at the universe for example. It’s so big and undiscovered, yet millions of people are fascinated by it. We’re obsessed with the stars and galaxies and the possibility of aliens- which I know for a fact exist by the way, yet we’re not afraid to spend our time discovering them and giving them our attention. I think of love in a similar manner. Yeah the thought seems so broad and scary, as there’s so many things to experience and discover, but I think it’s worth it. You’re only going to learn new things about yourself and life, so why not give it a shot?”

He clears his throat, and pays his attention back to you. He has a look of determination in his eyes, and that only makes you grow even more anxious.

“Aren’t you a wise expert on love, Mr. Huang,” you chuckle.

“Well what can I say? I do a lot of thinking on my spare time when I’m not bickering with you,” he laughs, positioning himself on his arms so he can get a better view of the night sky.

“Hey!” you shout, pushing onto his arm, causing him to lose his newly comfortable position and to fall on his back. “What are you thinking about Ren? You have this sour look on your face.”

“Well your idea of love got me thinking,” he says softly, staring into your eyes.

Nervousness takes over your body. You have no idea what he’s going to say, and every second of silence is eating you up.

“And?” you say abruptly, eager to know what he’s about to say. 

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and I don’t know, I never thought much of it because I’m a wimp, but I think I’m going to ask Yeri out” he confesses, a small smile forming on his face. 

The mention of Yeri makes your heart sink. Yeri. He wants to ask out Yeri. Not you. 

Of course he likes Yeri. What isn’t there to like about her? She’s really pretty and polite, and they’re both the editors of the school newspaper, so they spend a great amount of time with each other. 

God this hurt. 

“Oh really,” you respond, with a less enthusiastic tone replacing your prior happy one.

“Yeah. We’ve been getting to know each other a lot more ever since we got asked to do this editorial on the basketball team, and I think I may have feelings for her”

“Well, um I think you should go for it Renjun, “ you reply, looking off into the stars to help keep what’s happening off your mind. If you look into his eyes, you’re certain you’ll start crying.

If it’s not you, you’re glad he has an interest in a girl with a golden heart and personality. 

“You think? What if she doesn’t like me?” he asks nervously, fiddling with the rings on his fingers.

“Like you said Ren, you never know what will come from love. Why not give it a shot if it’ll lead to potentially greater things not only within yourselves, but life in general? And if she ends up only seeing you as a friend, it’s okay. You’ll find someone one day who loves every part of you.”

And you can’t help but know deep down that that person is you. If Yeri rejects him, you’ll be right here to help him pick up the pieces, if not, you’ll still be here. As his best friend. Renjun deserves all the love and happiness the universe has to offer him, and despite being sad he shows no romantic interest in you, you’re glad he finds it in an amazing girl. 

“Alright cool, I guess I’ll ask her out on Monday when we meet up to discuss the paper then.” he says, smiling to himself. 

He looks so happy. Ecstatic even. You haven’t seen him smile this big since he won first place in your school’s art show.

“She’s here you know, at the party,” you say to him. “You should do it now.”

“You think?” he asks, eyes wide. 

Renjun was never one to act on impulse. He’s a man with a plan, and always has to do things by the book or else he’ll lose his hair. He likes structure and time, a complete flip from your bold and impulsive self. 

“Yeah, why not? You’re both here, you look really cute right now, and the stars are out in your favour, shining bright to provide you with the courage to do so.” 

This makes Renjun smile. You’ve always been a help in boosting his confidence, and you’re glad to be of assistance in such a nerve-wracking yet exciting period in his life. 

Standing up, he dusts the possible dirt off his legs. He crouches over, looking into your eyes and grabs your hand. “You’re the best y/n. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“As I with you,” you reply, a soft grin forming from your lips. “Now go downstairs and ask her out before she leaves.”

Standing back up, he begins walking to the door. “I’ll let you know how it goes!” he half shouts, pressing his hand to the door handle,  and making his way back into the house. 

You’re now left alone, on the rooftop, with just the stars and your thoughts. 

Why didn’t you bring up your feelings to him sooner, you thought. Now you’re only left sad and alone, because you were too scared to tell your best friend you’re in love with him. Confessing to him seemed so perfect in your mind a couple minutes ago, but sadly the universe has other plans in store for you. 

You decide to get comfortable and lie down, and begin to look at the constellations that are possibly present within the night sky. You can still hear the loud, most likely drunk people just a floor below you, and the vibration of the music hitting your body despite being away from the noise. But you don’t care. It’s just you and the sky, and you’re doing everything in your power to forget about the party below you, and to focus on the stars. 

As you point out the orion in the sky, you feel a buzz in your back pocket, indicating that you’ve got a text. Reaching for it, you unlock your phone, and see a notification stating that Renjun messaged you. Pressing on the messages app, you click on his name and read the following:

jun bug: she said yes!! we’re going out on tueday after we’re done editing :) (2:17 AM)

“Yes.” Yeri said yes. 

You’re happy for your best friend, but for yourself, you’re heartbroken. The possibility of dating him is now slim to none, especially since a potential girlfriend is in the mix, only making you more sad for yourself. 

You make sure to reply quick, and in a way that’ll make him happy, and hopefully provide you with the positivity that everything will be okay.

y/n: i’m so happy for you ren <3 (2:18 AM)

As you press send, you feel the tears start to slide down your cheeks. You’re happy for him, you really are, but you can’t help but wish that things went differently, and that you were in Yeri’s position. 

But as Renjun said before, love can be scary. It’s a learning experience, and if it doesn’t work out, you just need to take what you can from it, and hope for the best in the future. 

So you’ll take his words, and you’ll try your best to move on. 

It’ll be tough, but you hope to god that one day he’ll just be your best friend, and that this heartbreak won’t last with you forever. 

#i wrote the majority of this in one shot and i'm pretty proud #this piece is one of my favs b/c it's really relatable and I just love how i depicted Renjun in this #hope you all enjoy #huang renjun #renjun scenarios #nct scenarios #nct dream scenario #nct angst #huang renjun scenario #nct fluff

[dangkinronpa]

headcanons for nondespair, non how middle school hijirihara who had a crush on middle school fujigawa

heres ur headcanons, hijirihara! sorry these have taken a while, i had my last final today so i was just taking a little break for a few hours. i hope u like them, though, and if theres anything you want changed just let me know! - mod kiibo - when hijirihara first met fujigawa, it was actually while spending some time at an arcade. he was just having fun playing games when fujigawa walked up to him and asked if he could play along, and the two ended up staying at the arcade and competing against each other for a few hours until they decided that yes, they were definitely friends now - it wasnt until after that incident that hijirihara realized that fujigawa went to his middle school, when he went up to the roof and found him there. he was a bit confused at first, but fujigawa was his friend now! so, there shouldnt be any problem if hijirihara walked up and talked to him! sure, he was a bit shy, but fujigawa didnt seem to mind - the two of them started going to the rooftop more often, to the point where they would find themselves up there at some point on most school days. they didnt stay too long, but whenever they were up there they would have fun and talk to one another. before hijirihara even realized it, he had started developing a bit of a crush - it isnt until one day when fujigawa calls him out about reading r-18 stuff (yes i remembered this part), when hijirihara is getting flustered and telling him to knock it off, does he realize his feeling, though. normally, he wouldnt really care if a close friend knew about stuff like this. of course, that only made the situation worse, and hijirihara couldnt stop turning more red - when hijirihara and fujigawa go back to the arcade one day, they see a girl playing shooter games and absolutely acting it, and hijirihara cant help but feel amazed. who was this girl, and how badly did she manage to beat his high score? at that point, hijirihara began to look up to mukuro a bit, and would visit the arcade more often to beat her score - hijirihara had a bit of a bad habit of visiting the arcade whenever he had schoolwork to get done, and fujigawa would have to go there and try to convince him to stop playing games when he has more important things to do. unfortunately for fujigawa, though, this would usually just result in him joining into the fun with hijirihara - before hijirihara started developing his crush on fujigawa, he didnt even know he could get at flustered as he ended up becoming. fujigawa didnt have to do much for hijirihara to start getting red faced, and if definitely didnt help that fujigawa would start calling him cute whenever he got embarrassed. life is hard when u have a crush on one of ur closest friends - after fujigawa kisses him, hijirihara cant even really talk. theres a bit of a silence in the air before hijirihara tells fujigawa that he has to go home because his mom just called him. fujigawa tries to tell hijirihara that theres no way his mom could have called him, and he didnt even have his phone out, but its too late. hijirihara has left the building - after fujigawa kisses him, hijirihara has a problem looking him in the eye without blushing. after all, how could he? this was the guy that gave him a kiss right out of the blue! and he was his crush, too! it took him a while to get over it, but sometimes hijirihara still thinks about the fact that fujigawa kissed him, and he goes silent and starts blushing again - even though theyre both pretty young, hijirihara is just sure that he and fujigawa are gonna stay together forever! hes also pretty sure that his crush might last forever, even if he hopes it doesnt. despite this, though, hijirihara doesnt really wanna think about the future; why spend his time worrying about whats to come when he can enjoy his youth now, after all

#takumi hijirihara kin #hijirihara takumi kin #dangan ronpa kin #dr killer killer kin #dangan ronpa #dr killer killer #dangan ronpa killer killer #shuuji fujigawa #headcanons

[pirate-kid2k19-blog]

Explaining the behaviors i grew up around to explwin why im like this. Started writing at 3:06AM and finished at 3:48AM

So basically in tennessee where i was born my uncle was an alcoholic pothead. We used to like plsy wrestle a lot and once i accidentally kicked him in the balls now obviously his natural reflex was to push me and i literally flew out that room so hard i nearly fell down the stairs. I broke my right arm. And i forgive him not just because he apologized but he stopped drinking because of that. He now only drinks on holidays or his birthday. Anyways, i grew up for 5 years around christians, witches, and 2 stoners.

my moms cousin was problematic af if he was famous twitter would cancel him harder than anyone else ever bc of this shit that traumatized me. Ill start with what only traumatized me for like 2 years, but then whatll haunt me forever.

So when i was 3, he was cleaning the cat litter. We had 4 cats at the time so there was a lot of shit in the litter. I was trying to get his attention bc i ended up with the room he used to hsve and i didnt want all the hotwheels cars on the wall, and i wanted to ask if hed take them down. Apparently i bugged him so much that he picked me up and put me in the trashcan w i t h t h e c a t s h i t l i t t e r wnd thats why i never went around big trashcans for 2 years.

Now im never gonna forget this. So he and my dad were having a small disagreement bc he did something wrong on a car they were trying to fix (they used to do that together) and well that turned into a full blown fight. Doors were broken, holes were msde in walls, amd my 3 year old self hsd to stand by the stairs and watch paralyzed by fear. Luckily my aunt called the cops and they stopped the fight before it got too bad wnd they were hurt n shit. But i will never forget watching my dad duct tape my kom's cousin's mouth shut and hearing the police sirens and seeing th lights outside.

Anyways, the people who owned the family home died and we had to move. My granddad on my dads side of the family let us stay 2ith. This dude names T.R. (im not giving out real names, but he used his initials as a nicknwme so we'll call him that.) He wasnt that bad of a guy, except for the fact that i developed insomnia due to not being abl3 to sleep til he went to bed at 5am bc of how loud he had his video games. We wouldve said something but we didnt wannw be rude and i think TR just dirntt think we could hear it. He couldnt real,y afford to take care of his dog with the job he had, and while my dad had a good paying job hed help take care of the fluffy chow he had. But after a while, we couldnt afford it either ehen my dad as unemployed and when we went to get him taken to the shelter to be put down (he was really old and miserable, he hardly got any attention bc 1 tr worked until nighttime 3very day just to afford rent and shit for him snd the dog to live off of, and 2 he was really skittish wnd an outside dog in a pen (though the pen was big enough for him and it had a roof and a little house n stuff, everything was just a bitndirty yeet) so he hardly got contact with people.) He kinda jumped out and ran away. He got ran over later on, sadly.

Once id been in georgia for about a year with an empty house next door (they were renovating it so ppl could live there and they wouldnt have to demolish the building since it was good on the outside and all that), my old neighbors/family friends moved in. This little autistic boy a year younger than me exactly (same day but he was born a year after me), his mom who laypter suffered an aneurysm and was paralyzed on all her right side, and her oldest kid mason who wprked at gamestop. You can tell what he looked like just ehen u think that he worked at gamestop and loved legend of zelda. Anyways, this kid and i hsd a lot of fun bc we hsd a lot in common and we both loved nsture and stuff like that. After abt 2 years, we uhh... did bad shit, we stole alcohol and got drunk n shit, hed steal his moms weed (it was illegal weed, she didnt have a card to get it for medical reasons at the time and btw this is after the aneurysm) and sell it to kids he met in the woods. See in the woods by my house theres a small-ish clearing where the property owners hunt and ride four wheelers n stuff, and we were all told we were allowed bsck there as long as the ppl who owned the property werent and we had to wear orange or bright neon yellow in hunting season in case they came bsck there thyd know it was people. This kid nearly got me to join this "gang" he called it. I was pure and innocent back then and said no bc in order to get in i had to cut myself (i had depression but not bad enough to wanna hurt myself or anything, and i hsd no clue wbt self harm or anything i was fuckin 8) and i just told them that me selling shit we werent supposed to hsve in school (candy/gum, slap bracelets, stuff that an 8 year old shouldnt have access to) was good enough for me. However, i wonder what happened to those kids. Theyre probably in high. School juuling in the bathroom lol. But anyways,this fuckin kid and i got drunk together a couple times when we'd sneak off into the woods and trespass n shit and after a while of not seinf each other, we got to meet sgain. I explained to him what being trans was and that i was a guy and he deadass just told me i already acted like one and he accepted me and called me a guy whenever we were alone (i wasnt out to my family yet). But then his house started falling apart and he moved and we havent seem each other in q year and a half. However, we might get to celebrate our next birthdsy together. We never got the chance to before and if i dont have company over next year on my birthday we might get to celebrate together :)

Some more shit abt this kid: he was the only friend i had up until fourth grade when i started selling art and being less of an asshole. And he knows more about me than any friend i have or used to have. Im the only person other than his mom who understands his memtal disorder so when my mom would babysit him i had to go over there after school in case something happened i could calm him. But uhh yeah this kid and i had some fun times and i hope i get to see him again soon. He still lives in the same city, just on the other side of the city.

About this area, basically im surrounded by woods and rednecks. Neighbors on the right are nice sweet old ppl the neighbors on the left are shady af and we in the white ghetto virtually. The hood is right down the street to the left and im scared to go there unless i was in public school on the bus or like if i had pepper spray lol.

Anyways im yoo tired to keep going gn.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

my relationship is going very good for once. admist the chaos we realized that were like each others #1 support and now i feel we both try to go out of our way to include each other in our plans. an that feels normal and comfortable but ive been very anxious about the amount of money hes been spending because that inevitably comes back to me - even when im not asking for money. 

but losing my wallet was a huge blow to the like productivity and steps forward to improve life. it was like 2 steps back essentially. and my roommate is not a great roommate but i dont feel anxiety about him so i dont have anxiety in the place i live now. i definitely dont like alot of things - the mess is becoming too much and there is no common courtesy. i even tried to help by doing the dishes that sat for 2 weeks. i dont think hes a bad person and hes older so these are probably habits hes had for a long time but this morning it had spilled into the bathroom - the one common area i had been tryng to keep decent. on top of that he used all my toilet paper and didnt replace it. i just bought it on friday and now ill have to buy more. 

and the thing is i dont want to get into a big thing about how he should not be doing this -- i mean its obvious he shouldnt. other people live here too. and like i guess if i also did it he probably wouldnt even care but i dont want that. ive become accustom to sharing a bathroom which you keep tidy for the next user. its just courteous. 

but heres the thing - this location is exactly where i want to live. my bedroom is great - it’s big and spacious and dry and has air flow and no weird bugs. my cats choose to live in this room despite having more access probably because its clean an tidy an theyre able to move around. i have free laundry. internet access is good. these are all super important things but not having regular good access to a kitchen is not great. and i regret now giving away my skillet and electric grill because i think i would feel less bothered if i had more options to solve the problem. 

many times over the past 2 weeks i thought to myself about the japanese who live in very very small apartments. like their apartments might be the size of my bedroom an they have bathrooms and kitchens in it. they keep pets in it. i mean is it a great way to live? i dont know. im not them. but i also like the idea of tiny homes. even though im complaining about this mess and lack of ammenities right now - i could solve this problem in the future in some way. especially if i get disability. and its not so big i have to move to solve it. its not ideal. its not even really “fair” but at the same time i’ve seen ENOUGH ads that give yu NOTHING for the price im paying but the abilit to sleep in the room. i could just get a hot plate. and that would honestly be fine. it would be good enough to survive. and like if i grew up and told this story, i would focus on the fact i got the rare chance to live in a spot i literally wanted to live in. like walked by and said “i would live there” and its a very nice apartment despite the mess. and i would talk about the room and the upgrade from my previous space and jut add on that i used a hot plate. 

but i like tiny homes. i would live in a tiny home an feel very very content about it. i prefer a room. i legitimately prefer a small space which i am not overwhelmed by and i feel like its my own bubble that i can safely return to and survive. i could feed myself, bathe myself, sleep under a roof. period. thats what im looking for in a place and right now i almost have that. and its very annoying not to be able to use the ammenities right now but its not the end of the world - i could ask atleast 7 people to feed me an they would before i went to a shelter type situation. in reality i proably could ask for 20$ just to buy shit i dont have to cook. so there’s a lot of options here. 

i’m trying to stay positive when things are not amazing right now. right now is pretty low. its mid month and im flat broke with zero prospects. in fact i threw out prospects to save my mental health an it still think it was the right decisions to make but i needed that money. i am trying to fight off deep depression - just sleeping an existing - and it’s not so bad right now. and right now is all that really matters because i cant control later. ive slowed down if not stopped my “extracirrculars” entirely but have all the time in the world for them. it just seems like such a chore. as does bathing. 

i have an event coming up this week that ive planned for almost two months. it’s nothing big - i sold it to my partner that it was a fail-safe; something so simple that we could snap our fingers to do. we both see it as a nice small gathering of friends and friends of friends for a fun seasonal event, like friends coming over for a classy halloween party. my only true responsibility is gathering food & drink supplies. i want to have a small bake sale to raise money for my art group; maybe to buy advertising or something online and i had worked out some kind of budget but i dont think itll be applicable now and i dont even really have the money for it. i think if i sold drinks for $1 and we have 17 people attending, we can make atleast 15$. i want to make cookies and package them in a thing of 2 and maybe sell them for 1.50 or 2$. maybe if i can buy cheap cookie mix i could package 3 and it would be nicer value for 2$. i have to put in the effort todo this though but i think if i could do it really nice and very simple, it’ll be worth it and people will be willing to buy it. it would also be nice to paint a sign or have some flyers but a majority of them were ruined during the last event and i dont want to use more ink/paper from my usual free source. 

i wish life were as simple as this though - making cookies and drinks and selling them to people to make cash to live on but it becomes convoluted in society and youre flash cooking frozen goods and serving drinks in under a minute with a bunch of rules and regulations. i read somewhere that our future would return to mom & pop stores - people would choose aa personal touch over mass produced and i hope that future exists. thats a future i can be in. i dont think ill survive in a high tech everyone is a number world.

though - yesterday i realized ive memorized my welfare ID. 

im upset something as simple as getting a piece of paper signed in a 12 hour period and leaving it available to me couldnt happen. i felt comfort thinking it was in the proces and i had control over my day but i dont. before i take a shower i have to remove all he electronics from the bathroom because im a decent person. and its frustrating to myself that i cant simply reset from these hopes in my day to a new plan. its not like oh well i didnt get this i guess ill do this instead. no, its a lot of ruminating on it. wondering whats best now.