#i know im dysfunctional but everyone else is too

[kadwrites]

an introduction | T.S

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summary ; you meet your husband to be for the first time.

warnings ; angst, dysfunctional family ig? , arranged marriage trope. bad writing?

a/n ; is it good? is it bad? is it too long? who knows. thank you for the support <3 please let me know what you think!

_

you hadn't left your room for the past three days. celest would be there , feeding you, holding you as you cried.

tonight though, you couldn't sleep because the sounds of your siblings yelling is keeping you away from the slumber you very much needed.

"you did what?"

oliver's brows furrow, his very pregnant wife , renee , sits beside him, her eyes open wide and a hand on her belly.

his mother tries to act like she didn't feel the guilt clawing at her heart , she sips her tea, "it's about time she got a husband."

"mum , what were you thinking? what has gotten into you?" his voice isn't loud, it isn't his usual roar, which is what concerned his wife. she puts a hand on his shoulder "you're forcing 'er to marry thomas shelby? are you fucking insane? have you lost your bloody mind?"

"im not forcing her to do anything, she agreed."

"after ya slapped 'er."

celest lets out a chocked sob at the mention of that

his mother's eyes are stern when they look up at him, resenting the fact that he brought it up

"she's a wild girl, she raised her voice at me"

"what did you expect 'er to do?" he got up, and his wife desperately tries to calm him down "lay on 'er back and open 'er legs?"

"to obey her mother."

"the mother that treated 'er own daughter like a piece of meat?" his jaw clenched, his hands shake "how could you do that? you didn't even tell us anything."

abraham is pacing around. his girlfriend ,anna stands in the doorway, watching this unfold. what else was she supposed to do?, its not like she can do anything. celest is sitting on a chair, her face buried in her hands as she cries. their father wasn't at home, he was out visiting his brother.

he's been avoiding this very incident like the plaque.

"when did this even 'appen?" abraham walks and stands next to oliver, both of them staring at their mother, his voice trembles as he tries to hold back whatever he had to say.

"why does it matter?" their mother slams the teacup on the table "it's already happened. what good is it going to do if we keep talking about it?"

"how long 'ave you been plottin' at this?" oliver's voice gets louder, his wife tries to get up but cant, abraham grabs his shoulder instead. "are you that desperate for money?"

"i did it-"

"for 'er ? securing 'er a future, yeah? is that what you tell yourself?" celest finally speaks, her face glistening with tears as she stands up

celest was always her mother's daughter. being the eldest, she always aimed to please her but when this happened, she couldn't even stand to look at her mother. she knew their mother was looking for a suitor ,she tried to reason with her, telling her how her younger sister would never agree, that she'll just yell and maybe even try to run away. celest never knew that the suitor her mother had in mind was thomas shelby, she never knew that he'd already agreed to all of this.

their mother's eyes move to celest, renee and anna share a look , and anna stands with her mouth covered. "this is not going to end well." ,they both think.

"what?"

"i said is that what you think you're doing? that you're doing whats best for 'er?" celest repeats "when you and i and everyone in this room knows who thomas shelby is, we know what he does, we know how he lives"

"he will take care of her." she raises her voice as well

"mother...." abraham warns, with his eyes closed. he knows the words she will say next would just anger everyone further

"i dont want her to end up like you! with a man that has you living in a piss poor excuse of a house, running after his spawn." her mother spits those words out like venom.

"i love 'im, i chose 'im, and i never ever regretted that decision, i never once complained,i never doubted his love or loyalty" celest walks closer "i will live a good life with a man who is good to me, an honest man. would she say the same about the husband you chose for 'er?"

"she will love him! she will grow to love him" she yells those words, as if she desperately wants them to be true.

celest lets out a chuckle , looking at her mother as if she was insane "do you not hear yourself? do you not hear how you sound?" then she moves even closer,"you're ruining 'er life!" celest cried, her screams sound through the whole house, abraham is now holding her back, as she squirms and thrashes "is this what you fucking want ? for your own child to live a miserable life?"

oliver left the living room at some point and he was inside your room now, somehow.

he crouched at the side of the bed, where you're laying on your stomach, cheek against the pillow and covers tucked up to your neck.

"i..." he tries to speak, he lets out a breath "i didn't know" he felt guilty for some reason, as if he could've stopped this.

"i know"

"you don't 'ave to say yes" he puts a hand on your head smoothing down your hair. oliver was never the one for affection, always awkward with it. "you don't. you can say no"

"i cant" you whisper back to him, your eyes look at him and they are once again filled with tears, your lips quiver

"yes you can"

"no i can't" you let out a sob "and you know that."

he just looks back at you, keeps on smoothing down your hair

"its not your responsibility to save them."

"it is now"

and he knew he couldn't change your mind, "she says he's comin' by tomorrow ,to see you."

silence ensues. you two just stare at each-other not knowing what to say

for the first time in his life, oliver the man with the biggest mouth, the loudest voice, the one who always fought you over that one spot on the table, doesn't know what to say. he has nothing to say.

he slowly gets up, and leaves the room, closing the door behind him gently.

and when that dreaded morning comes, you find yourself on your vanity chair, looking at your reflection in the mirror, your face still almost emotionless

celest stands behind you, brushing your hair,she's crying silently, and you just stare at the mirror

you knew that those steps belonged to your mother, you'd memorized how they sounded when you were a child , when you pretended to be asleep so she wouldn't know you'd stayed awake past your bedtime. she walks and stands next to celest, you don't look at her, you just stare at yourself.

celest puts the brush on the table and she walks away, she walks to the window, trying to calm down. your mother picks up the brush.

"i know you think im cruel, and that i'm selfish. but i did it for your sake." she speaks

this is the first time you'd even seen her since it all happened

your eyes dart up to her, she doesn't look at you, she just looks down at your hair as she brushes it.

"when your father got sick, i never thought we'd lose the farm too, we lost the very thing that gave us most of our money." she pauses for a second "i know this isnt how you wanted to get married, it was not an easy decision for me either"

"i don't love 'im" your voice is soft, its not angry

"love isn't everything, you don't need it to be content" she continues "i didn't love your father when i married him , but love follows"

"he is nothing like my dad"

your mother stops again "he's a hardworking man, he was in the war , wasn't he? just like yer father."

"my father was a farmer," she muttered "that's what you loved about 'im, what you've come to love. that he is a good man but the man you're marrying me off to isn't"

you sound like celest.

your words cut deeper than you thought they would, your mothers eyes close, she sighs "you're my youngest child and i want you to live a good life when me and your father are no longer here .a safe life. i dont want you to need a roof over your head or worry about money or food"

you don't want to argue , so you don't. you just let her brush your hair and neatly style it. she brings a box and opens it, inside it a golden necklace with a ruby as a pendant, she puts it on you, she smiles at your reflection

"i wore it when i married your father", maybe it will bless your marriage too, your mother thinks to herself.

you don't say anything, you just do what you're told. you were too tired to fight this anyways. you just wanted this day to pass

and then you hear it, your brother's voice as he greets him, despite his anger your oliver sounds polite. their voices are muffled but you hear them.

you mother walks you down the stairs and when you descend you see him, on the green sofa , talking to your father and your brothers and as if he could sense your presence his eyes dart up the stairs and he sees you.

you feel as if the whole house ran out of air, and as if your lung collapsed. you look back at him nonetheless as you walk down the stairs.

it feels as if their voices are distant as your family greets him, very welcoming and warm they sound but you can't process a word. you just look at him. you think you mumbled a greeting too, you're not sure.

he got up when you entered the living room, he looks you up and down but only for an instant and then his eyes go back to yours. you cannot see any emotion on his face.

you sister stands at your side, renee on the other, they sit with you between them on the couch facing him, the rest of your family scattered around the room but you didn't look at them, too busy looking at the man you'll marry. it's almost as if you can visibly see the blood on his hands.

but when he speaks , you snap back into reality out of your trance

"its a pleasure to finally meet you."

his voice is deep, calm and collected. for some reason it sends a chill down your spine

"the pleasure is mine" you say back, as politely as you could.

slowly, person by person, your family leaves the room

you glance at the window, your brothers and father are outside smoking, pretending to not watch. celest, renee and anna are under the foyer.

your mother and mrs gray are in the kitchen, having tea, when did she come in here?, you didn't even notice her.

you lean back against the sofa, you stare at him just like he stares at you

"mind if i smoke?" he already has his cigarette between his lips , he pulls out his lighter

"no" you say curtly , you sit on the sofa in the most expensive dress you own, your newest heels,

he offers you a cigarette, you eye it. you hadn't smoked since your parents caught you smoking on the roof but they've disappointed you, so what if you disappoint them one more time

you pull a cigarette out, he passes you the light and you light it, then putting it out

he leans back as well, crossing his legs

"are you good with children? can you care for them?"

you nod, your cigarette hangs between your fingers"i 'ave one nephew and 4 nieces, one on the way too"

"i 'ave a boy"

his eyes give nothing away no matter how long you stared at him , looking for a crack in the mask

"what's his name?" you ask softly

"charles"

"how old is he?"

"four, he's turning five soon"

"is that why you're looking for a wife? to look after your son?"

"thats a part of it, yes" he exhales the smoke, he throws an arm around the back of the sofa

"what's the other part?"

"i need a wife and i want someone i can trust around my boy when im not around"

you nod , your eyes look away for the first time.

"do you feel like you can do that?"

you turn back to look at him

"i believe so , yes"

he nods, "are you being forced into this?" he's blunt. it doesn't take a genius to know that you're not happy, that you're reluctant.

"no, i'm not"

"i don't want to marry you if you're unwilling"

"i said i'm not ,didn't i?" you tried to hold back your tongue, but you couldn't

his brow raises at this ,"you don't exactly look like you're content with your decision"

"is this an interrogation?" you ask, stubbing the cigarette on the ashtray that sits on the table. partly because the taste of it made you nauseous, having not had one in years. the other part annoyed and defensive

"i believe its called an introduction" a his face is still stoic, but his voice is betraying him, it's sounds as though he's amused.

you look up, you hate to admit it but you can't deny it. he looks handsome, in his expensive suit, his glasses, his cheek bones. celest was right, at least he is easy on the eyes

"an introduction, aye?"

"hmm"

you just look at eachother, you blink a couple of times, then lean back again.

"its my decision, mr shelby." you try to compose yourself, "it wasn't forced on me,"

he nods again,

"do you 'ave any conditions?"

"i do..." you lick your lips nervously "my father, he's sick"

"i will take care of his medical expenses" he nods before you could finish that sentence

"it would be nice if i could finish my own fucking sentences"

he lets out a dry chuckle, and you take it as a sign to continue

"he's never been properly checked , we don't know what exactly is wrong with 'im" you sigh "my only condition is that 'im and my mother would be looked after, financially and medically."

"they will be"

"i want it in writing" you hesitate but then say it anyways , you don't know if you can trust him, you don't care if you offend him.

he looks at you, his eye travel between yours "alright"

you let out a breath you didn't know you've been holding

-

@tardisloverz , @optimisticsandwichgladiator

#kadwrites #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby imagine #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfiction #tommy shelby fanfiction #thomas shelby fanfiction

[gildeddlily]

yk what I really hate? people defining soukoku's relationship as toxic and headcanon chuuya as a violent person who physically assaults and abuses Dazai cause he "makes him mad", or Dazai as the one who constantly manipulates him into doing what he needs.

like who ever told you this? first of all, no. second of all, no. They have the strangest relationship I've ever seen, but it's something beautiful built with trust from both parts so how can you call that toxic to this point?

we've never saw Chuuya physically hurting Dazai in both manga and light novels, at least not seriously (the basement scene doesn't mean anything, they didn't see each other for like four years and chuuya's a fricking mafia executive no shit he's gonna beat up the mafia traitor. but seriously, after seeing him fight for real you think that was violence?). Do I think that at least once Dazai got beat up? yes, cause Dazai is constantly getting on Chuuya's nerves. the nerves of a dysfunctional teenager, that works for the mafia, that has a partner who tries to kill himself every two days, that is emotionally constipated and never learned how to love and be loved (the sheep betrayed him, the Flags died, Dazai is Dazai) so yeah, I don't think he knows how to express his feelings (he was all "I'm gonna act like I don't love you but in reality I love you a lot" with the flags at sixteen, what do you pretend from him if he's interacting with Dazai?) but not to the point of beating up Dazai every time they fight.

Dazai is ever worse: he's traumatized as fuck too, and is always going with the "I'm not human" bullshit (shut up sometimes he's so human he makes me cry) that most times prevents him from enjoying practically anything. Chuuya is not someone he know how to act with, but he spends three years with him so he fricking learned how, alr? They know eachother better than everyone, to the point that Chuu is able to understand Dazai's "misterious as fuck no one can understand me why people call akutagawa emo when im here" plans and attitude. They trust each other to the point of constantly putting each other lives in the other's hands.

Dazai manipulates everyone, yeah, but not like Fyodor does. Stop treating his efforts to respect Oda's last wish like nothing and only seeing him as the man he was in the mafia. Bungou Stray Dogs is so beautiful because it's realistic in portraying human's life and emotions, so stop trying to make Dazai act and seen as the mean demon who hates everyone except odasaku. his "chess pieces" are used and directed in a gentle way, just see Atsushi and the relationship he has with him, or the ADA. (the drowning thing. there was world's peace at steak, you think he should have chose saving Chuuya instead of everyone else? And that he really didn't think ab Chuuya saving Fyodor with his ability? I'm sure he knew, purely for the "what a shallow bond" thing. Asagiri spent the last years making us understand the deep bond they share, only to make it really shallow after one hundred chapters?)

Chuuya knows Dazai, he knows the way he choose to act, how his mind works and how he plans the future, Asagiri said that himself, so it actually is canon. He truly knows him (best and worst part of him, and we're talking ab mafia!dazai) and still trusts him with his life, knows Dazai always hides something up his sleeve and's always "i trusted you with this *random insults*" after almost dying for Dazai.

They just voluntarily ignore their connection, but they're both aware of it, just see how Chuuya in Dead Apple is sure that Dazai has something in mind that involves him using Corruption (risking his life) and punching him in the face, or how Dazai is sure that Chuuya will use Corruption risking his life and punch him. (the soft way he punched him while using Corruption really is... strange. he was throwing buildings around and then punch Dazai like he wasn't even using his ability? there wasn't any real strength behind it, at least not the corrupted one. so yeah we also have corrupted!Chuuya loving Dazai like the normal one) (I'm chewing a gum (my throat is hurting sthu) and I feel like the woman from that asmr meme that types on a pc) so yeah the point is. people can write or create media ab everything they want, but going around talking ab how they'd be a toxic couple cause they're abusive and bad for eachother is bullshit, especially if they're talking ab 22!Soukoku that has the potential to be endgame. teen!Soukoku could be toxic, yes, cause it's always disfuncional teenagers we're talking ab, they wouldn't even know ab how to be a good couple, but they'd manage, and still do more good for each other than bad. (this is all to say that I cry when while searching for good skk ff I find that type of ff that antagonize one of them by portraying them as abusive (like taking out of the context Chuuya calling sixteen Dazai inhuman after he said that the death of a man that Chuuya respected was a luck for them- no shit he was angry(still could have not said that)) and the other as an innocent kid that doesn't know better)

we stan the "the other was the only really good thing in their life for a long time" trope

#random skk thoughts #bsd #bungou stray dogs #skk #soukoku #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #bsd analysis #kinda #dead apple #was a rollercoaster #gay thoughts #port mafia

[sassykinzonline]

naruto and i spent yesterday watching drag race, i would like to do a roast to celebrate kakashi's hokage inauguration:

kakashi is the only hokage in history to fumble the bag for both his homosexual AND heterosexual love interests; however, he continues a long line of hokages to completely fail their students--or if youre tsunade, fail at picking a student.

many people have been wondering why kakashi wears his mask. it's really simple: hes hiding the smell of might guy's "youth" on his breath from iruka.

kakashi was born an old soul, as you can tell by his grey hair. and just like every old man in our village, hes a publicly indecent sex pest. hes been carrying around that porn novel of his for as long as ive known him. i guess he was inspired by naruto's motto: "never give up"....trying to cure your erectile dysfunction.

as many of you know, kakashi's notorious for 2 things: his sharingan and his dogs. there's a saying that goes "you can't teach an old dog new tricks", and it must be true given kakashi uses the same 3 jutsus over and over. watching him fight is more painfully repetitive than itachi's tsukuyomi.

speaking of itachi, kakashi's name means "scare crow". fitting, given not too long after joining kakashi's anbu team did itachi get fed up and decide to kill our entire family.

the time after that was extremely difficult for me, and im grateful kakashi took me under his wing because we have a lot of things in common. i once asked him what he would do if i killed everyone he loves, and he told me they were all already dead. so i guess instead of "hatake, scare crow", we should be calling him "hatake scares the hoes".

as a teacher, i learned so much from him. i'd like to think if he wrote a book about his teachings, it would be called "how to lose friends and influence people to defect from the village." some of the things hes taught me include chidori--which should be used to stab directly through the heart of those you love and who love you, permanently disfiguring the person you love so you know its real, and how to let survivor's guilt cripple you and define your whole life.

but i also learned from his mistakes. my inspirational loud dumb gay bestie is still alive (not for lack of trying on both our parts), and we successfully communicated our feelings. plus, the girl that is bafflingly in love with me despite me being obviously gay is still alive (again, not for lack of trying).

so thank you, kakashi, for all that you've done for me. you are the best man for the job--considering everyone else is dead, cut in half, in jail, or danzo shimura. you will do your village proud.

i wish you a long life of continuing to inspire and annoy generations of uchiha.

#kakashi #kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #rokudaime #sasuke rp #naruto shitposting #kakaobi #kakagai #kakairu #kakarin #team minato #i put the rest under the cut so the more sensitive jokes can be avoided #youre welcome

[soupcanspecimen]

I remembered I still had my rage fueled thoughts of EP11 in drafts so ill just post it to show that I sound like an absolute madman. I make some sense in the Claire section, but oooof that Manaria section shows I was not thinking correctly during that time and my vocabulary was running on fumes figuring out what to say.

Looking back at this now I sound absolutely insane

FUCK SHIT PISS CUNT BALLS!!!!

ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME WHYD IT HAVE TO END LIKE THAT!?!? DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT ALL I FEEL IS RAGE AND SORROW FROM THIS EPISODE!!!! EVERYTHING HURTS!!!!GGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH I AM GOING TO KILL THE NEXT PERSON I FUCKING SEE I SWEAR ON GOD!!!!

GOD IM JUST SO FUCKING ANGRY!!!! AND MOST OF THAT ANGER

STEMS

FROM

YOU

EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL UNTIL YOJ CAME ALONG AND FUCKED IT ALL UP!!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START WITH YOU!!! YOU SHOW UP AND START ANTAGONIZING RAE FOR NO FUCKING REASON!!! AFTER THAT YOU SAY HER REASONING IS IS SHOALLIW!!! SHALLOW!?!? IF YOU THINK RAE'S REASONING IS SHALLOW THEN I HATE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK IS DEEP CAUSE YOU CLEARLY UNDERSTAND NOTHING!!! OH BUT LOOK AT ME, I'M NO BETTER, THE ONLY REASON I PICKED THIS SERIES UP WAS BECAUSE OF THE PROMISE OF SAPPHIC ROMANCE!!!! THEN YOU GO ON PICKING A FIGHT OVER FOR NO REASON!!! THEN YOU USE A SPELM THAT COULD' HAVE FUCKING KILLED WITH THE MOST TWISTED WXCUSE FOR USING IT!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DYSFUNCTION!?!

I HATE YOU!!!!

Don't think you're exempt from this, Little Miss Perfect, I got a few things to say about you too! First off WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU'D FIRE HER?!?! THAT WAS THE SINGLE WORSE THING YOU COULD HAVE SAID IN THAT FUCKING MOMENT!!!! AND THEN TO GO AND SAY THAT SHE'S LEAVING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!?!?! BITCH SHE NEVER WANTED TO LEAVE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! SHE HAS STATED MULTIPLE TIMES IN A SERIOUS MANNER THAT SHE'S GENUINELY IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT YOU KEPT THINKING SHE WAS STILL FAKING IT!!!! THE REASON PEOPLE LEAVE YOU IS BECAUSE YOU KEP ON PUSHING THEM AWAY!!! GRAAAAAAGH HOW CAN SOMEONE WITH A BIG SMART BRAIN LIKE YOU NOT SEE WHAT'S RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF YOU!?!? SO YOU BETTER START PULLING YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMN ASS AND START REFLECTING ON YOUR MEMORIES WITH RAE AND THE THINGS SHE'S SAID!!!!

#im in love with the villainess #i'm in love with the villainess

[urheartsamess]

this might be a little out of character for me but im so fucking tired of this perpetual slandering of vegaspete stans on twt.

believe it or not but ppl who ship vegas and pete do possess some media literacy and thinking skills. jesus, we know vegaspete is toxic and unhealthy but heres the thing….. we simply dont care bc nothings real its fiction. who said we shouldnt be allowed to enjoy two messy FICTIONAL characters destroying/loving each other IN A MAFIA TV SHOW? its hard to understand for some but not everyone wants to see lovely and wholesome relationships portrayed on screen and we rather have overly fucked up ugly type of love instead. and u shoulnt make us feel embarrassed for it or policing the content every chance u get. have u even listened to what the actors had to say about their characters? what bible had to say about vegas? did u even care? storytelling and relationships arent always black and white. i think the narrative is quite aware that vegaspete is dysfunctional and that vegas needs a lifetime of therapy (and so does pete btw). tbh i chuckle every time i see tweets abt how vegas doesnt deserve pete bc hes evil, but.. what does 'deserve' even mean or matter in the face of what the characters want? their romance is also quite the catalyst to create the personality shift in both vegas and pete. its moving the story forward. not everything has to be vibe checked or approved to be good and compelling. if fiction isnt the place to tell a fucked love story, then where else? in fact vegaspete carried from their first shy interactions to their explosive ones towards the end and is2g there isnt anything wrong with that either. be mad abt it without being too condescending.

#pls remember romance in fiction is NOT a life manual #vegas was casted as a villain so why did ppl expect him to be anything else than exactly that? #those ppl remind me of the ones who complain abt hannigram or classics like wuthering heights….. pls be serious. #biblebuild #vegaspete #kinnporsche

[gizkasparadise]

List of dramas where the large age gaps (regardless of gender) didn’t deter the chemistry or ruin the drama for you, including noona romances where the age gap IS the plot

And dramas where they didn’t. I ask because I have been recommended the Turkish drama Aziz and I’m hesitant because the age gap between the two bothers me too much. Of course it is just my opinion and no one else’s and I could be wrong about it but it posed a major hindrance to me

sure! here's some that come to mind--not taking into account actual actor ages because i am too lazy to look them up :'D

Female Lead is the Older One aka Noona Romances

empress ki. QUEEN SHIT. she's older & more experienced in life than her ultimate love interest (#spoilers) and the chemistry is A++++

find yourself was a fun if average drama, but the chemistry between the leads was A+

the glory okay there's not a ton of shippiness yet, but i'm 100% sold on the potential of them in the first half

someday or one day is kind of screwy, since it's about time travelers, so who's the oldest switches around quite a bit. alice ke i think is more than 5 years older than her love interest though

eternal love: ten miles of peach blossoms. the female lead i think is like. 10s of thousands of years older than her final love interest; visually they look around the same age though #immortals

my fated boy bored me and i ended up dropping it, but the chemistry iirc was fine and the show operates on the noona romance trope

--

Male Lead is the Older One

the rise of phoenixes im actually not sure how old the characters are supposed to be, but there's a sizable age gap IRL between them. the chemistry is RIDICULOUS

love between fairy and devil sort of counts? visually, they're around the same age, but the male lead has 1000s of years on the female lead in-story #immortals

because this is my first life has two couples where there's an age gap and they're both pretty great

moon lovers: scarlet heart ryeo is an entertaining rollercoaster mess of a drama, and the leads have great chemistry

my liberation notes this one isn't as straight up romantic as the other dramas listed, but there's about a 10 year gap between the leads and they work really well together

when a man falls in love. this drama is not universally liked (in fact, most people hate it but THEYRE WRONG), but it basically operates on the age gap/power gap trope and is a dysfunctional ride full of morally grey characters. i loved it, but i love mess so take that as you will

--

edit: OOPS, sorry, missed the second part of the ask. dramas where the chemistry/age gap didnt work for me:

romance is a bonus book. i didnt vibe with the main couple and i think the ML had some big maturity problems as of where i left off. also i never mentally got over the fact that she was divorced A FULL ASS YEAR and he didnt know????

cheese in the trap. i liked this drama but the ML just felt way, way older than everyone around him so it’d be a little off when he’d get involved in the petty campus antics

mr sunshine. i didnt feel it between eugene and ae sin. at all. literally any of her other love interests would have been preferred

#asks! #kdrama #cdrama #twdrama

[thatgayhippie]

hiii sorry this is late i have been having a crazy day lol

so neurodiversity refers to anything (literally anything) that is out of the ordinary, ordinary being a "normal" functioning human. Neurodivergence or neurodiversity is used to collectively refer to a variety of mental disorders like Schizophrenia, Autism, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, etc.

ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), more commonly known as Autism, is a developmental and communication disorder. For me, and a lot of other people, Autism is a disability. It affects the way i see, feel and understand the world around me. Autistic brains are built different, as in, our brains lack some features of the allistic brain, like something called executive function, which helps in planning prioritising and getting tasks done. Autism also affects the emotion sensing parts of the brain, meaning i process and feel things very differently. Most notably, it affects the language processing and speech. Most autistic people struggle with speech and learnt to speak late (i was the opposite, i learnt to speak super fucking early---thats another cool thing about autism: we just dont develop normally). Most autistics struggle with tone, sarcasm, and social rules and etiquettes. We are also generally very sensitive to textures and sounds (i would rather die that touch velvet and i often get cranky in loud environments) because our nerves are more sensitive and get excited very easily. We also tend to have attention difficulties (thats another byproduct of executive dysfunction!) and have trouble with focus (not always though sometimes we enter a stage of hyperfocus where nothing else matters---seriously sometimes i hold in my pee and forget to eat because im too engrossed in whatever im doing). Also we tend to struggle with eye-contact because to a lot of us its overwhelming and feels invasive.

Autism is seriously under-researched and thats why we dont know a lot about it. Hopefully this changes in the future because it would be very helpful to know why my brain is acting weird but until then, hope this helps ((:

Oh it's totally fine! Are you good now?

Thanks so so much for this Mrun this is so very helpful because now I can begin to comprehend autism! Oh so everyone who has a mental disability would be under the neurodiversity umbrella? That's nice to have a little community label!

I see, so it is as if your brain is wired different? (And possibly the nervous system because you mentioned yoir nerves being really sensitive to textures?) I can understand why it is called a spectrum now too. Oh also I don't know any autistic person as of now but if I meet someone, should I ask for their specific needs or is that considered prude?

I can't thank you enough for this honestly, my book just gave me these 2 passages that hurt my brain so much.

#psa #autism #save #Mrun

[olimpiacroy]

when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

i joined in maybe spring of 2018 ? i stayed for a month or something, lost muse and returned a month or two later if i remember correctly. the best decision ever <3 i honestly cannot remember much about the plots. the portugal vs spain thing was big and i want to say the andorra plotline was starting??? i was just working off jobs and trying to figure out what i wanted to do next. now i'm trying to get my master's but work keeps me busy and it's hard to find the motivation when i feel like i don't even need the damn paper lmao

which characters have you written over the years ?

olimpia, thore, oksana, mirjam, philippa, saskia !

what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

olimbiel made me stay so i think i should definitely mention it right off the bat ! i had so much fun writing them and their struggles kept me entertained ! butttt zoey and olimpia's friendship's the most important to me. i don't even remember plotting a close friendship for them with evy but then at some point we all could agree that olimpia and zoey were bffs. i love my girls so much!!!! i think i also have to mention early jelimpia too. i don't wanna sound too ship crazy but their bickering was so entertaining and it gave me so much muse !!!!!! if i remember correctly, i had been steadily losing muse and then j swooped in and the issue was gone ! the croÿs mean the world to me as well. i don't know if hshq would have been even half as fun without the dysfunctional family. i think i'll force hails and isa to give me one more thread as well. especially because i cannot bear the idea of their last thread being a sad one :(

what about other people's plotlines ?

when i ask myself which stories i couldn't get enough of, i think of gimi, the english major plot, nat growing up, and alexei's struggles.

if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

probably mid-olimbiel. i was v active back then and i had so much energy ! everyone did ! i also enjoyed silpia's big fight ?? it was so interesting to see them have issues skgbdsjgbs

is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

not a thing !

what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

more olimpia and the croÿs. more olimpia and zoey. i'm sad that our last thread was so short :( i don't think my plots got left unfinished but i feel like i didn't write an ending either. maybe the task058 will change things for me <3

what is your favourite ooc memory ?

GNSDKGNSDKGN i was upset over one thing and i was screaming about it in evy's ims and she just encouraged me to be even more toxic ksgbkdsjgbsjgkd it was a very good way to let off steam and honestly her comments made me laugh

where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

;)

what else would you like to say ?

i feel very sad to close this chapter. letting hshq end means letting go of funny honesty hours, those late nights of writing, the early mornings of waking up to new replies... i loved killing time here. i loved refreshing the dash and seeing what you had written. i loved that on my morning commute i could open the app and read the dash as it was the morning paper. a lot of you have said that you've written all that there was to write. and i echo that sentiment. it still doesn't really comfort me aksfdbjgsb thank you everyone for being so amazing and making these six years so damn great !!!!!

#hshqtask059

[langernameohnebedeutung]

You mentioned Meredith Vickers from Prometheus in blorbo post and HOLY SHIT, you've thrown me right back in the blorbo trenches. I watched that movie to kill time, and came out of gnawing at my own flesh about (im)perfect daughter (im)perfect son subtext... like, god THIS was my Succession long before Succession graced our screens. I have So Many Blorbo Feelings about her! Please share yours as well

!! But exactly this! Yes!

The thing is, there is this really big focus on the dysfunctional relationship between Weyland and David - but most of the time when I engage with the fandom, Vickers is kind of reduced to this secondary bully when really, she's also a deeply wounded person and her relationship to Weyland and her trauma are at least as complex. Even on the more redditor-side of fandom, I've heard a thousand times "why does it matter that Weyland is her father, how is this an important reveal" and this just tells me that they never noticed her as a character, never really engaged with her as anything other than a plot-device. But if you pay attention to her, to her actions, to her rivalry with David - then finding out that she's Weyland's daughter makes all of that fall into place.

There is this really interesting theme where she tries to be as inhuman as possible - immediately doing push-ups after waking from cryosleep while everyone else is puking their guts out, the deleted scene where she is disgusted/annoyed by Janek's little christmas tree, the flamethrower scene, even her clothing and style at the beginning of the movie - which is why Janek asks her if she's a robot, too, but she's deeply offended by the notion (by the way, I once thought about this one AU idea where it turns out that she is, in fact, a robot, and it is kind of a controlled experiment on Weyland's part and she gets away at the end either with Janek or Shaw and she has to work through that).

Like...literally, she is so fascinatingly robotic at times:

She just desperately wants to be good enough, strong enough to be recognised as a human being and a person (and I think this is also a relevant theme about womanhood, the idea of her trying to be recognised as a person, as a child, as an equal to her "brother", of working harder than your male peers just to be taken seriously, acting colder than them to be taken seriously...)

Generally, despite the grand themes, they really break down to an abusive family situation where both children blame each other and envy each other instead of realising that their parent is neglecting and mistreating them both (Though I think David is less caught in than loop, I just don't think it makes as much difference in his books) But also, there is this one deleted scene where she tells David that "these idiots are about to infect my ship🙄🙄🙄🙄" and I loved this moment where they actually formed a small in-group in her eyes, them vs. the idiots...) Also, I like that as I mentioned, her clothing and style is very "robotic" at the beginning, but you can actually see her look become more "human" as the film progresses and I love that too. (Also I love that David actually plays up his own android-ness when he wants to annoy her like 'cup of tea, ma'am?' after she threatened to kill him. Really making her feel like she just yelled at a roomba). I actually believe that because of her resentment of David, she actually comes close to seeing him as a person - because resenting a device would be pointless - but that idea itself is insane and she would sound insane if she brought it up. So she is stuck working side by side with her fucking nemesis who can always hide behind being a fucking machine. Even stuff like David's obsession with Lawrence of Arabia or dying his hair - for everyone else, that's just a funny robot quirk but for her, it's probably maddening as hell. Especially because she doesn't know if he's doing it on purpose or whether she's starting to imagine things. Especially when he's clearly aware of this and can dial it up and down on purpose when he's feeling vindictive)

And then there is her relationship with Weyland. For one, you have the distance between the two of them. Weyland doesn't mention that she is his daughter in the big recorded hologram speech - he only talks about David (and how soulless he is). She literally has a different last name (is she married? were her parents not married? did she take on a different name to step out of his shadow? In fact, even that she is on board is really telling because if she was his heir, you would assume that she wouldn't accompany such a risky, potentially one-way mission, thereby risking the company legacy)

There is so much resentment between Weyland and her - but also, I genuinely believe that she loves her father (unlike David, who is just programmed to obey him - but who Weyland actually talks to and confides in instead of her). We know Weyland has this extreme god-complex where he wants to be a creator and he wants to archieve godhood for humans - for himself - by showing the Engineers everything he has accomplished and that they should give him immortality in return when he's already dying. And then you have Vickers reminding him that "A king has his reign and then he dies" - in a way, she is his reminder of humanity, his memento mori (his human daughter). She is the only person in the universe who can give him her honest opinion, actually freely criticise him - but at the same time, that only causes him to push her away further because he cannot stand that. She sees him as human and she's the only person who cares about him as a human, as her human father, but because he tries to erase that part of himself and become god, she has to watch him destroy himself and take them all with him. For Weyland, creating David was a crowning moment for him, for the entire human species. That was the moment THEY created life and became equals with the Engineers. And as his daughter, she cannot live up to that, no matter how much power and success she has and now much tea David has to pour for her.

I just think she's neat, okay 😭

#prometheus #fandom

[donnerpartyofone]

Not to be mean but people who don't feel love terrify me. Someone I really loved recently used me and threw me away then blankly said they didn't think I'd be that hurt by it when I was literally suicidal. So maybe just being honest up front rather than constantly pretending is better?? But I don't know.... Also like....I feel as if people have this sensationalized idea of what love and connection is supposed to be and when it's not exactly like a Disney movie they basically assign themselves as being totally emotionally and socially inept. Like, my loved ones annoy me but I couldn't possibly imagine not at least passively caring about the people in my life that contribute to my survival like even on a rational level it makes no sense to have ZERO response at all to that person possibly being harmed or going away. Even the sense of love you have for yourself and recognition of that, how can people not recognize that someone else also feels pain and suffers and that it does affect you even if you don't personally give a shit? Like, it affects you even in the basic design that people will think you're a shitty person if you don't even care in a rational sense or that you also might suffer under the justification? How can you function totally ignoring that each person deserves a right to life and happiness just like you do? Like idk this entire thing is just horrifying to me and makes no sense and I'm sorry if this seems like an ignorant response like I am ignorant bc I genuinely don't get it but I just wish people could feel emotions as deeply as I do and I wasn't just constantly suffering because people who don't love anyone but themselves want everyone to bend over backwards for them when they won't do it for anyone else -_- like yeah I'm sure parents also don't want to be nice all the time but they do anyway....just like everyone ever. That doesn't mean they don't love you.....it means they're human...and im sure the same is true about the kid in question....idk I guess im just a horrible person. I have to pretend to not be suffering when I feel extreme emotions so I just won't be convinced that pretending to care when you don't is worse than having to pretend not to care at all when you're exploding inside :/ idk.....I know I sound like an asshole sorry im not trying to argue I'm just throwing my two cents in where no one asked 😭💔

Sorry if I'm not reading you very well but I'm not sure if you are responding more to my description of the Reddit situation, or my description of my life.

If it's the latter, I think if you re-read my (now pinned) post you will find that I do experience compassion and sympathy and love for people, even for people I don't like; it's just that I have a really different emotional vocabulary than most people and it forces me to like translate myself all the time to make sure "normal" people feel cared for, and all I'm saying is that it makes me have to be very deliberate in my relationships where most people can just be reactive, it seems.

If it's the former, I don't really know what to tell you. Neither of us knows that person or what their whole context is. It seems to me that that person felt very conflicted and alienated by their lack of emotional access, which is pitiable. That person's parents are pitiable, too. Sounds like the Redditor has persisted in faking it, and was just venting their feelings on Reddit instead of taking it out on their family. What else can they do? Personally I feel sorry for anyone whose emotional dysfunction or deviation makes their relationship to the world hard. But you don't HAVE TO feel sorry for anyone, it's up to you and your philosophy.

One important fact is, you don't have to be involved with anyone you can't understand or sympathize with. I'm very sorry to hear you were abused. That's not fair and it shouldn't happen. It has happened to me too, and part of the reason is that my own emotional register is a little "weird" and I couldn't tell that someone was hurting me on purpose until it was too late, I thought we were just "having problems". That kind of thing sucks and no one deserves it. But the hope is that you learn from your experience and curate your company a little more safely. (NOT that it was your fault AT ALL, just that we can't control anything but our own choices) Hopefully we can move past obsessing over why people are assholes, or even evil, and gravitate toward healthier social situations in the future. If someone truly has no feelings or is sadistic, judging and worrying doesn't really improve that situation, frankly.

Finally I would pick on something that you noted about how self-love should provide a basis of comparison for how to treat others. That's actually kinda part of the problem, in my layperson's opinion. When I was in abuse situations, it eventually became clear that the abusive person is acting that way because they don't feel enough self-love--which is different from *acting selfish*. The abuser feels insufficient somehow, unlovable, and they're trying to get other people to "fix" their feelings for them. You know, my ex-boyfriend came at me with all this "I'm sad and wounded and only the love of a pure-hearted woman can fix me", and then when my freely-given love did NOT fix him, he decided everything about himself was my fault and I deserved every bad thing he did to me. I've had platonic friends like that too, who made their own happiness everyone else's responsibility and this allowed them to be total assholes to everyone. So like yeah, as cliche as it sounds, people who experience genuine self-love are usually NOT the same people who treat others poorly; assholes are very often turning dissatisfaction with themselves inside out, even though it may not look or feel that way to you and me.

But yeah if you're really just irked by the notion of sociopathy, where someone theoretically just feels nothing for others at all...there's just not too much you can do about that except try to stay away from them if at all possible.

#sorry if i used the word 'abuse' incorrectly for your situation #maybe it was just assholism #but i'll leave it there and let you judge

[tired-inyxe]

WIP - Batfam/Dc Tag Masterlist

This is ridiculously long so m putting it under cut, m gonna add more (YES MORE. THERES A LOTTA CHARACTERS OK???) tags when I feel like it but I wanna finalize my main master post later

#bat anatomy -batfam masterpost (and everything else dc)

#going batty -batfam analysis (typically angry)

#mailing pipe bombs -enraged at dc's writers

#honey im taking the kids -stuff about dc's poor treatment of the batkids (they're mine now fuck u)

#the bat -abt batman in all its forms (persona not a specific character)

#the bird -abt robin in all its forms (ditto)

#the shadows -abt every other persona in all their forms(because normal ppl dont know em)

#bernards pegboard -crack headcanons

#sandbox -headcanons

#my story now -my personal batfam timeline/story (because dc sucks at writing

#shoved in mahogany 6 feet under -wasted potential of any/all characters

#revived wings -my view of a bat characters true potential

#case files -panels/pages that I use for evidence abt canon

#bamboozled -fun canon comic panels that make me laugh

#goth cake -batfam art

#dysfunctional worms -batfam writing

#cave screeches -rambles, usually angry

#bats and birds -any and all posts that contain any of em

#batcape -anything Bruce

#disco girl -anything Dick

#pride and prejudice -anything Jason

#skateboards and spite -anything Tim

#kittens and knives -anything Damian

#dayshift -anything Duke

#potato waffles -anything Steph

#ballet shoes -anything Cass

#spot of tea -anything Alfred

#all seeing snark -anything Babs

#handmade guns and gender envy -anything Harper

#jaded red -anything Kate

#lack the worms dc edition -any character i dont know/care about enough to make a custom tag for (m sorry)

#revolving door -Rogues gallery

#REFORM THE DAMN JUSTICE SYSTEM YOU BILLIONAIRE -me complaining about dc's inability to make Bruce use his fuckin money and power to change the city, also any arkham/blackgate rants

#i stabbed him hes dead -anything joker

#bats and hounds -anything Harley

#eco friendly -anything Ivy

#shot him he's dead too -anything Black Mask

#strawman argument -anything Scarecrow

#your wife is dead -anything Mr Freeze (sorry not sorry)

#bipolar ableism but gay -anything Harvey

#scared of seals -anything Penguin

#neon green twink -anything Riddler

#broke b's spine -anything Bane

#leather catgirl -anything Selina

#back in the cell -every other rogue I don't care about

#god forbid a woman have hobbies -anything Thalia

#withering gamer -anything Ra's

#magic mountain dew -Lazarus pit

#assassin gamers -League of Assasins

#competent idiots -Justice League

#its just an s -anything Clark

#unbreakable porcelain -anything Diana

#retired at the speed of light -anything Barry

#zooming with the big leagues now -anything Wally

#h in adhd -anything the Flash persona

#neon green with a ring -anything Hal

#weak to yellow -anything Green lantern persona

#blowing bubbles -anything Arthur

#he stole the braincell -anything Jhon (theres an accent mark somewhere in there ill fix it later)

#batson but not yet adopted -anything Billy

#cigarette ash -anything Constantine

#fics favorite magician -anything Zatanna

#hijacked the mainframe -anything Cyborg

#signature chili -anything Ollie

#screech metal -anything Black Canary

#under the roundtable -everyone else in the Justice League

#every band eventually -og Teen Titans (they broke up)

#saltwater bubble blower -anything Garth

#tectonic shifter -anything Terra

#red threads and all -anything Red X

#i exploded him yw -anything Slade

#stronger than steel -anything Donna (might change)

#shapeshifting greenbean -anything Gar

#goth girls inspiration -anything Raven

#international incidents the team -Young Justice

#test tube baby -Anything Kon

#meep meep -anything Bart

#girlbossed zeus -anything Cassie

#rags to the grave -anything Greta

#arrows notched red -anything Cissie

#mosh pit winner -anything Anita

#panic at the disco -anything Slobo

again, theres still more. dc is an 80 year long series theres so many guys. also not sold on some of these so various tags may be subject to change

#bat anatomy #m not doing this for every tag here #hell no #masterposts only get one offical tag #because theyre linked to my pinned post #so theyre already easy enough to find

[stardancerchronicles]

Journal of Xivz, fate of the Altitude pack.

---Entry_1--- Location: Silus 3-X Date: 23/5/10 Status: CRITICAL It's been fourteen years, at least by this planet's standards, since the pack wiped eachother out. No small feat, that. From what I can glean, they had been together since the beginning. But even the bonds of pack may yet be broken, through isolation and madness. Through being left with no comms, no estimate on return, and no way off this damnable planet that wasn't Nexus-locked. Take all that and lay it on heavy over the span of four months, and you can undo what was done over the course of 226 collective years. Alcoholism claimed Nuriel, the brightest among them and the first to see their plight for what it was: hopeless. She succumbed to alcohol poisoning, locked in her room and never to be discovered. Jiiv and Losk had killed everyone else, convinced that the oracle cult was somehow behind all of this, and that there were traitors in their midst. Jiiv soon succumbed to his injuries, as nobody knew just how brutal Ungail, my mother, could be. Not until she lost her mind that is. As for Losk, it's a damn good thing he never found out about his nephew. Not until it was too late for him, of course. That leaves me here. Us, here. Somehow keeping my sanity more than if any of them were still around. Or maybe I just never had any to begin with. Being raised by Nexus programs around the perfectly preserved corpses of my kin could probably do something like that. At least the simulations say I have a "high likelihood of severe psychiatric dysfunction". I couldn't tell you what that means in laymen's terms. Probably not important. Well if anyone ever reads this, they'll now know what happened to poor little Xivz, and their pack of lunatics... I'm going to take a long, cold nap until the storm blows over in 3 1/2 months. Damn this planet to oblivion.

---Entry_2--- Location: Silus 3-X Date: 17/9/10 Status: CRITICAL Storm is over, at least for this short time being. Miteru, ever the diligent one even in death. He's been sure that my hunting efforts have had plenty of traps that are more effective at catching Avali than roulon herds. In fact I'm currently taking the downtime that my nanites will need to restructure my leg to write this entry. Not a chance in hel that I'd be taking the time to otherwise. This is the kind of cold that will draw you in and make you part of it, if you let it. Miteru learned that the hard way. Sometimes I still visit them, along with the rest of them back at their "permanent" camp. What secrets did they take with them to the grave? What regrets? What passions fueled them to such a tragic end? I suppose I'll never know. At the very least, Father passed on the postmortem wisdom that's as old as time. It goes a little something like: "Don't get forced out of an airlock by your fanatical ex-friend into a polar super-cyclone". Words to live by, the poet he was. Just wish he'd stop causing me such grievous injury on hunting trips…

---Entry_3--- Location: Silus 3-X Date: 21/9/10 Status: CRITICAL Yeah yeah I know, so soon im back? Well maybe im getting fond of you, but don't let it get to your head. Oh Ungail, see me now, playing coy with a data logger? As if the voices weren't enough. But no matter. The simulations say it'd be healthy to keep a journal, and so keep a journal I shall. Intuit is telling me that it'll help keep me sane, and by extension, alive. Alive. I wonder what it'd be like sometimes, to not have to keep myself alive. To no longer fight, and hunt, and chase, and claw for just a few more days simply, surviving. It must be a good life, to be able to run simulations all day. To play games with your packmates, grow up, get into trouble with them. I've heard of the wildest things on what little bits of the Nexus that are downloaded onto the data-pads and implants of the others. Honestly, still wish I hadn't gotten as curious as to... Extract. the implants of some of them. Especially Losk. He was, fucked up to a deeper extent than I think any of them realized, even in his final moments. But what's done is done, and I'm not keen to look at his face again after what I've had to do to it. But while Emote told me not to, Grit urged me onwards. And sometimes, you just have to make a judgement call. And given all the things I've learned of… Sometimes I wonder if it was the right call, to learn about the outside world. Because I wouldn't be asking the question of "what if I didn't have to fight" if I didn't know there was any other option. Thinking too hard on this is making my heart hurt. I'm going to take a nap and stop journaling for a bit.

---Entry_4--- Location: Silus 3-X Date: 8/5/14 Status: CRITICAL Well, it's been a long time hasn't it? Looking back, I can understand why I took such a long break. That kind of deep thought is something that everybody except Emote tells me not to do. I suppose I should clarify what the hell I'm talking about, huh? Well, Let's meet the cast of my brain! Or however that show went. The simulations say that I've developed voices for many of the emotions i feel, but I say that's a lie. They developed voices whether I wanted them to or not. Like my own demented pack members, except the only thing they do is keep me alive, instead of get drunk and kill each other. In any case, We have: Intuit: Helps me with the logical stuff. He's my right hand… voice. Surv: Good at seeing better ways through things that keep me more or less alive. Quite reliable, good advice. Grit: As the name implies, they get me to make tough choices, especially ones that I don't want to make. Tough love, I think they've called it. Emote: Weakest voice. Often in conflict with the others, yet, I still need them. I can't let them make me weak too, but I cannot become numb to them. And, that's about it for now. There are no other thoughts with voices, well, not yet. I don't think I could handle many more. As it stands, I keep my own conversations quite well enough as is thank you. But it is nice to let them sort it out amongst themselves and, speak as myself, to… well, nobody. There's nobody here and, if Intuit is to be believed, nobody will be. But still, its nice and free of the usual deliberation that plagues my mind. I think this one has gone considerably better than the last. I'll be back soon. Don't you go anywhere aye?

---Entry_5--- Location: Silus 3-X Date: 10/5/14 Status: CRITICAL

I HATE STUPID THING WHY EVEN SAY CRITICAL??? IM FINE. RIGHT HERE!!!. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED, WITH YOU AND YOUR, YOUR GAMES RIGHT NOW, MACHINE. I'LL GO THE WAY OF NURIEL IF YOU

OH, ITS ON? I, IT HAD A TALK TO TEXT FEATURE THIS WHOLE, TIME AND AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW OF COURSE I FIND OUT ABOUT THIS WHILE DRUNK ON WHATEVER SHE LEFT BEHIND UGH, THIS STUFF TASTES LIKE DEATH. WHY DID I EVEN TRY IT??? ITS HORRID. I, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE. WHY I'M EVEN ALIVE AND THE VOICES WONT STOP AND THE VOICES THEY WONT SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT

---Entry_6--- Location: Silus 3-X Date: 11/5/14 Status: CRITICAL I apologize for that. My simulation says I should reframe my embarrassment into a haiku. I don't know what the significance of the syllables is, or why this will help, or why Emote is agreeing with the others on this for once, but I'll try. I got super drunk I did not have a good time Won't do that again Somehow, that feels a little bit better now.

---Entry_7--- Location: Silus 3-X Date: 2/11/14 Status: CRITICAL I have some big news to share with you. Significant enough to write down, instead of just talking to the voices about it. WE FINALLY GOT A TRANSPONDER PING!

Now, its not a rescue vessel, it's not even recognizably Avali tech, so don't get too excited now. But the signal is very much drawing closer to this forsaken planetary system, so if its coming out to ancestors-know where for ancestors-know why? Then it's probably a planetary surveyor, and it's probably going to survey mine. And you BET that I'm gonna be there when it comes down, I am NOT spending the rest of my life on this planet. I'll be there if its the last thing I do. I truthfully don't know how much longer I'll be able to survive here. Not for lack of food, the Roulon are making good on that. But if I have to listen to the voices in my head arguing amongst themselves one more time, why I think i might start losing my sanity! At least they're all in agreeance that we have to be there for that ship.

As for what to do if we encounter anybody else on it… Well, then they don't agree as much anymore…

---Entry_8--- Location: Silus 3-X Date: 7/1/15 Status: CRITICAL Sure enough, my predictions were correct. They've touched down on Silus 6-X, and are now on bearing for 5-X, after inevitably finding 6-X to be an uninhabitable helhole. Just like the rest of them. Just like this one. Oh ancestors, I hope that they don't give up before they get here. Maybe I can throw together some kind of distress beacon if I need to, but what if they will leave, or attack me if they knew I were here? or simply don't have the supplies to onboard me? No, it's safer to let them come here of their own volition. Safer for me, at the very least. Even if it is a drone. My life has been pretty much consumed by paying attention to this.

The voices theorize about it. about the outside world as well. It's, overwhelming. And I don't think about it too much, or the simulations say I could have an… Incident, on par with Entry_5. I do not want that. I do miss being able to think about the littler things though. Such as fixing up my hunting armor, or meticulously agonizing over the chimes that I'd fantasized about dressing up with, but never got around to. But, the possibilities opening up is worth it, so worth it. We can worry about the littler things once the bigger picture is open to us.

---Entry_9--- Location: Silus X System Time: 16/7/15 Status: CRITICAL Sooooo, a... a lot has happened. And I haven't fully processed it, so: The ship arrived onto this planet. And I met it there, obviously. I even wore my chimes, against the judgement of… Everybody other than Emote. But I still kept them in their muffling pouches on the approach. The ship was indeed manned. It's, strange. To meet other living, thinking beings. It's like how the simulations were, but… more real. I mean they were SIGNIFICANTLY more psychotic than the simulations were...

Aren't we all at this point though? They brought me on board, of course. But, they are also space pirates. So, I guess that I'm a bonafide space pirate now! It certainly beats being alone. But it also means that I'm stuck with a bunch of lunatics who kill and steal for a living, alone, with zero social skills, and very little trust. So I'll have to prove myself. The simulations say that I'm very unlikely to get through this without blood on my hands. But they also say that, If I play my cards right, at least it wont be my blood. Intuit agrees. Intuit also says that I should be very, veeery close with a very specific one. A tall "protogen", looks like hes been torn apart and put back together physically, almost more than I have been mentally. How fitting that I should imprint onto a robot, when I was raised by them.

#oc #oc writing #writing #creative writing #avali

[zapsoda]

tankie for the game

woahhh.... 3/4 of the extremists done.....

so tankies also male. i mad respect ftm tankie hcers i think thats awesome but i dont always see it. similarly despite my inclination towards his being bi i can certainly see him being gay. i know everyone thinks hes hot for whatever reason i really cant imagine most women wanting him though. he mostly attracts fatherless individuals i feel

i think his fave season is winter but he secretly doesnt dislike summer. he thinks holidays r stupid but he does like cooking for people so he will humor them

he has also committed murder so

ive said my piece on ships i still like leftunity as dysfunctional moirails and i think hes divorced from authright eheh

tankies kinda dependent and he needs others to need him fr. hes like well what the fuck am i without someone else to rely on me...... hes sentimental but he will never admit it he has an unending need to be a stone cold bitch in front of other people but when hes alone hell be all sad and wistful.

tankie for sure likes historical documentaries theyre like the only typa movie hes interested in and besides theory hell read the occasional historical novel. secretly though he has a soft spot for romcoms.

he doesnt strikw me as a gamer but i feel like hed play strategy games and old simple games. he is an absolute beast at minesweeper. i bet he does fuckin crossword puzzles too. not sudoku though he wont admit it but he sucks at it. i think he plays simcity.

i think tankie also likes bread i think he likes baked goods/pastries. pie, raspberry crowns, i cant think of any other baked goods at the moment. maybe baklava.

tankie is not an emotionally vulnerable guy. i think his form of affection would be like rigidly taking care of them. "have you eaten today" "let me wash your hair" hes the typa guy to hold your hair back while youre vomiting but he will NOT pet you on the back. he will glare and roll his eyes and say "you should drink some water and lie down." he loooves to see himself as someones rock. all dependable and shit. his form of domesticity, his masculinity, really appeals to individuals with daddy issues im telling you. his favorite thing ever is feeling needed but its not like he wont accept other types of affection, he will, anything for his ego. he is so acts of service but also a little bit of gift giving....

#TYY #i think my fave thing ever is talking about how these guys are in relationships its just so fun to me... #asks

[eirian]

just a vent

i feel silly saying this. but i feel like a failure as a professional artist

it feels like everyone around me, my peers, people who seem to have the same level of art as me usually, is landing a job in animation somehow. and im left taking commissions for scraps

its my fault for not putting in the effort to update my portfolio all the time i guess, but that just tells me i dont have what it takes anyway. if i cant even muster up the energy to update my portfolio, which doesnt involve deadlines, then how am i gonna make it in the industry anyway? yes i have sleep apnea and executive dysfunction which both sap my energy every day but still. im not the only one who deals w those. its no excuse

i have contact with one of the best character designers alive today, definitely one of the most successful, who is a RECRUITER, and i still cant land a job. he doesnt think my portfolio is ready, which goes back to what i was saying. i feel like i work so hard, ive been working so hard, but its not enough and idk if/when it'll ever be enough

ive made rent just barely for the past two years on my commissions but it feels like i cut it close every time. i cant live like this forever. i want to support my wife and our pets and myself too. i dont want to give up on my art career, i dont want to stop trying, but also im at the end of my rope. i dont know what else to do at this point. i know i just have to wait for an opportunity to come along, but i cant afford to wait--i have to pay for things NOW. i cant move back in with my parents. i cant just not make money.

im stressed and stressed and stressed and i just want some relief.

[gaysonlyocean]

AUGHH IDK ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR OCS BUT I WANNA SO BAD so uhhmm hmhmh 3 5 7 12 16 aaand also favorite scene. can be written or unwritten I just wanna know where the emotions are tastiest

ITS OK IM MORE THAN HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT THEM!!!

3.) any recurring images/elements?

isolation, trauma, dysfunctional relationships, and maladaptive coping mechanisms are all in it :]

5.) pick a theme song for the tv adaptation.

that unwanted animal by the amazing devil! a line from it is in the description of the playlist!!

7.) how would you describe the relationships between the characters in the story within eight words or less?

oh fuck thats a hard one uhhhh:

caring but in the wrong way

12.) okay be honest. pick a favorite oc from this ocverse.

rose lemonade my Beloved the og oc for this, they came first and i love it so so much

16.) imagine the entire story takes place but in the meantime the characters all also have tumblr. what kind of (terrible) tumblr posts would happen?

NOOOOO THAT WOULD TERRIBLE god theres a lot of characters im gonna have to add a read more

god ambrosi would NOT have tumblr hes too old for that 😭but if he did it would just be photos from his porch

adele would have a tumblr to post music on and at the start of the story she stop posting and then comes back at the end with a "sorry for the hiatus! i have a partner now and so much trauma"

odette canonically is a musician on youtube [think annapantsu] so et would just be posting as normal as if things arent going terribly wrong, so song covers and lil aesthetic reblogs

im not including the kids ones 5, ones 9 and the other is illiterate sobs none of them are getting tumblr, reuben also doesnt have a phone so hes not included but if he did have a phone hed be jsut posting blurry photos of the horrors

gabriel would just have a tumblr to reblog odettes posts to be proud of et, also would not be acknowledging the horrors

sasha would have a shitty meme tumblr i KNOW he would it would be full of things that were funny in 2011 and then reuben would steal his phone and post shit on it and get yelled at

elaine would have a studyblr! shes trying her hardest

madeleine is the only one with a fandom blog and ey starts posting "who would have thunk being hunted for sport sucks o_O" and eir posts take off

eran would be vagueposting about everyone and then reblogging gothic aesthetic shit

bernard would only use tumblr at the start as he tries to make a gofundme post and then the horrors happen

lenore would be reblogging all those post of like links to recipe pages and then stop posting for a week and come back with 5 million vent posts

maddie would get kung pow penised so fast

anyway for my favourite scene its gotta be the one at the motel!

ill set the scene: bernard has just seen his sisters blood hit the window of their motel room, he has his daughter in the room with him and this weird kid she befriended but his 5 year old son is Still Out There Somewhere, hes terrified, he doesnt know whats happening, all he knows is something is RIGHT outside, so he does the only thing he can think of: he grabs the two kids in the room and drags them into the closet with him, theres barely enough room but theres no where else that he can think of that will protect them from the fate waiting outside, the bathroom is too open and out in the room is as well, he hears his daughter tell him hes holding her too tight, that hes hurting her, but he cant let go, he just apologises and holds her tighter, desperately hoping that whatever that thing thats claw is scratching the window will leave

#THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! #ashstone #oh dear i have to tag everyone #adele quinnsley #odette misory #gabriel brown #ambrosi al-maghrabi #madeleine strikland #lenore fergusson #elaine figueroa #sasha hoffman #maddie miles #bernard miles #luca miles #peter miles #eran dallas #rose lemonade #reuben #EDIT: FORGOT TO FORMAT THIS POST