#i know it's smth a lot of ppl struggle w

[johannestevans]

idk it's tough as hell to explore your feelings when it's like. either you feel all of them viscerally and it's hard to unpick what they belong to and what the triggers or inspirations are and how they link together or what the processes behind them and all the rest

and then on the other hand it's that thing of like. oh how much am in intellectualising these feelings? how much am i getting so focused on the potential processes behind these feelings, so much so that i'm not feeling them, and not considering the visceral aspects of them?

like autism makes ur own feelings hard enough even without trying to get into other people's feelings, what they're doing, what they were thinking or what their motivations were, etc, and then it's just... A Lot

idk i try give ppl as much love and grace as ever possible bc it's just like, even when someone's being the worst cunt in the world, there's normally a reason for it. no one does what they do for no reason, and very few ppl are truly like. acting out of sadism or a desire to do harm to others - more often than that ppl are just thoughtless or self-centred, and i know there are reasons for that as well

#musings #idk i don't do well with. empathy. and i'm not by nature a particularly compassionate person #but i guess for me that's why i think about it so much and why i make giving ppl that grace becomes so important to me #because it's not smth that comes naturally to me #but fuck me it's complicated and exhausting #atm w the move i'm struggling w like #messaging ppl back and maintaining all my relationships bc i'm in such a state of flux #like w the move and w wanting to be like. a loving partner and to take care of my partners and friends #whilst also just being disabled and in pain all the time #and i know it's imminently going to improve like #my life is about to get so much better bc i've moved closer to those i love and care about most #and with whom i'm most intimate and who fulfil a lot of my needs as well as vice versa? #but it's just like. still a lot to juggle when wanting to connect w my communities

[secretlyabunny]

-

#this week has. really sucked. i. feel like shit. i've managed to fuck up w the two main ppl in my life that i interact w. #and i feel like shit for it! and i can't even find a lot of comfort rn bc my apartment is still a wreck from moving and i don't have any- #media available to me. gotta find a new show or smth but either way this really sucks and i'm. struggling. #don't even know what's going on in both of their heads bc they won't Talk to me. #so im in hell limbo. anyway. imma go and. find smth to distract myself w. #vent #lacey's life

[toastsnaffler]

prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............

#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt #and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts #as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough #genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man #i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there. #esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly #in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels #but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value #and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that #even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship. #shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again #bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks #and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life #blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now #god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long #.diaries

[piplupod]

was using my dbt skills SOOOO well at the very end of dbt class today when one of the classmates and one of the group leaders/teachers (that I like and respect -_-) started talking about how good of a game the hogwarts game is 😭😭 just biting my tongue so hard as i got my coat on so fast to leave before I said anything and telling myself it isnt worth it

#MY GOD!!!! MY GOD!!! I LIKE THIS LEADER TOO AND I'M SOOOO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED W HER #literally how do ppl not SEE HOW FUCKING RACIST AND BIGOTED IT IS #i was so fucking tempted to say smth snarky abt like ''oh u like nazis and slavers then? cool cool cool'' #BUT I DIDNT. I HELD MYSELF BACK BY THE FUCKING SCRUFF OF MY NECK. #now i have to see this leader twice a week every week though and be normal to her. god. i hate this #like. okay sure its just a video game. but how do u not SEE the bigotry in it. its plain as day to me??? how do others not see it?? #ig shes a cishet gentile white lady so she doesnt know a lot of struggle but CMONNNN how do u not even HEAR abt the backlash?? #AND THE REVIEWS AND EVERYTHING FLOODING ABT HOW SHITTY AND BIGOTED THE GAME IS #like u have to be willfully ignorant i think. which rly fucking sucks and doesnt bode well for me being able to play nice w this person now #idk. pick and choose ur battles ig. but god. i feel sick fhfkdl that sucked so bad. not to mention the game itself was just bad apparently #like the gameplay isnt any good apparently. so. wtf. sigh. #im so fucking peeved fhfkld rly wish i just hadnt been there for the convo.however it does make a couple other convos make more sense though #like just the way she didnt rly seem to understand someones view on smth abt racism. like. oh. okay. makes sense now. ur just oblivious 👍 #anyways. dbt skills time to stop being upset abt this i fucking guess!!!! ARGH #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[noxtivagus]

a night will never not be complete without me rambling abt ffxiv huh

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ] #i'm so happy i found smth like ffxiv for me n apollo. later in 2023 will be the third year of playing. which is a bit hard to believe #i'm so soft for the drk quests i did enjoy it in english or wtvr but reading those fanmade jpn translations rlly warms my heart even more #n then. uwahh listening to shb osts n other vg stuff rn n masquerade at this specific point just #eulmore ost means a lot to me i rlly love that kind of vibe n then. i have a lot of fond memories in that place. #w sm friends back on twintania n 5.5 days hehe. #i am srs rambling again but i just rlly like talking to myself ok pls don't mind me uhhhh #ffxiv helped keep me grounded yes it rlly helped me through hard times. w the world in it n then. the stories that helped me so much #n the music :<< n the charas mean so much to me n then. i just appreciate the game so much. it means a lot to me #thinking abt it n i've really never been good at friendships. i rlly do want to do better bcs i value them so much but hdfjalkfsjda T_T #i rmb fucking up smth late 2020 n then first half or so of 2021 i only interacted w my family n school ppl i think n. ppl in ffxiv #srs reflecting rn n for the longest time i think i genuinely rlly struggled w social anxiety. still do to an extent but it was sm worse #twintania n my fc then changed my life fr they helped me n i don't think i ever rlly directly thanked them but yh. #n then. those social interactions helped me later that year reconnecting w my longtime irl friends that i barely talked to for those past #years bcs of the pandemic n then earlier 2022 w making new friends that weren't online friends for the first time in so long #n then being more connected w my reality again w all that yes n then making more online friends. not a lot i'm still v shy but <3 #idk i know i rlly say a lot of the same things often n i write a Lot in tags n ramble sm n i genuinelly will be embarrassed if ppl actually #read this but pls i just like talking to myself i don't do it for attention T_T but I SHOULD REALLY FIX THESE STUFF UP #i think i've just been rambling for the past hour . idk i just really love n appreciate a lot of stuff in life n there's no end to what i #cld just write about like this to myself. n i write even more in my notes oh dear #i seriously look forward to so much this year i'm going to put my regrets behind me n just look towards doing the future #the best i can do is just be kind to myself n do what i can n do what i love uwahh #ok genuinely i still do feel rather stressed n anxious n i'm pretty sure i just wrote that earlier but uh my mind is a mess at this hour #i should not be on tumblr past midnight or when i'm sleepy . i've really made a habit of writing so much in tags #school starts like tmrrw now n thankfully my sleep got mostly fixed. i have so much more i want to do but i'll make sure to #take care of my health at least. for the past 2 weeks now i think i usually sleep around midnight (earlier typically) n never later than 3 #I'M HAPPY W THAT sleeping better rlly improved a lot but it's so hard to start making that change when. Yeah but here i am now <3 #that said though i'm gna stop. rambling now i wna be a bit more productive before i sleep but gn in advance ><

[lunicho]

going to a special event w sohee and him realizing that ur tits is literally about to fall off and becomes possessive suddenly

(send riize asks to @angeltsan)

sohee,, literally the sweetest bf ever, he's like wildly in love with u, he's so whipped for u so when u come out in a tight dress that shows a lot of your cleavage he's like :O cuz he absolutely loves it. he's not the type to be jealous about what you're wearing, in fact he LOVES it when u wear revealing clothing cuz he's constantly reminded how sexy u are. he'll literally be losing it over the dress, always kissing u, and very obviously staring at ur tits he would just be so cute like he would not be able to stop complimenting the dress BUTTT. when u get to the event he'd start to notice how others are looking at u, how when u lean against the bar or against a table he would notice how the guy in front of u would struggle to keep his eyes on your face. or how when u adjust the top of ur dress some guy is watching u do it. he wouldn't be super obviously possessive, might adjust your dress for you, or stand in front of u saying smth like, "i got it baby" or he might keep covering u with his hands, like putting his arms over ur shoulders and kinda trying to cover u. it would irk him how no matter what he does people are still staring, like the entire dress is GORGEOUS and he knows this and he wants u to look and feel good but god he'd be going crazy. you'd notice his attitude shift for sure because he'll eventually start being obvious in the things he does, like keeping u from bending over or standing extra close to u and always having his hands on u so ppl know ur taken. i feel like he's the type to get sulky and sad instead of angry when he's jealous so he'd definitely wanna go home or something like that but all he really needs is your reassurance, your hands on him, your lips on his, he just needs you to refocus him to how no matter who thinks u look good, it's all for him and he'll feel so much better.

#⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ bunny chats <3 #౨ৎ riize #i was fighting the urge to talk about sub sohee here #i will literally turn anything into a conversation about sub sohee #riize smut #riize smut imagines #riize x reader #riize hard thoughts #riize hard hours #kpop smut #riize sohee smut #lee sohee smut #sohee smut #sohee x reader

[mar-im-o]

Woagh sorry u've been getting so much shit for ur "disabled ppl should stay disabled" thing

Based take btw I agree w u

I've never seen someone that looks like me be depicted in any media where the character wasn't a loser or gross somehow, got acne and eczema which isn't the same obv but I kinda get it. It's frustrating when smth about u is overlooked for like no reason lmao. It's not even like it's invisible, like I have pots and it'd make sense for the fanart not too include That disability because how r u gonna depict it visually y'know? But like this is a pretty easy thing to include

Idk why the fandom has such a hard time w this. And for the ppl who say that wheelchairs r hard to draw, because yea they are, it's like drawing a bike. Just never gonna look right on ur first try. Machinery of any kind is hard (and then u gotta draw someone sitting down too?) so I get it but also just do ur best and it'll get better

Ofc u already know that, so. Redundant but still.

I would like to know ur thoughts on when ppl turn the chair into something else, like there was a rlly cool 3rd life fanart where it looked like a scorpion, like mechanical bug legs. I think that's super cool but ik sometimes people prefer it to just stay a chair ykwim?

Ur doin great, keep it up, ur the kinda ppl this fandom needs <3

Hi!! Thank you for the kindness <3

I totally get feeling unrepresented. At the end of the day people can draw Scar however they want, I just want them to be conscious of WHY they're doing it. Why are you making him non-disabled? Why have you decided his character is better as an able-bodied man? There's a lot of implicit abelism is the fandom that I think people struggle to recognize in themselves. I just want people to be conscious of it.

As for the different chairs, I think it's fun! cc!Scar has said his chair is apart of him. It's an extension of himself. I don't think there's any harm in depiction c!Scar with chairs that are fun and quirky like his character is

Like people are right. Realistically a classic wheelchair wouldn't work in minecraft. So rather than excluding it, why not have fun with it yknow?

#marimo rambles #mcyt #hermitcraft #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #discourse

[green-alien-turdz]

This is long as fuck my god sorry in advance,,, also it's 4am and my first language is not English so this my be kinda incomprehensible ,

Sorry I may or may not have stalked this account and filled half the posts I've reblogged w a shit ton of ranting in the tags even more than once IM SORRYYY it's just that you're art makes me feel SO much things bc the way you portray the kids genuinely resonate w me really deeply w the scars and implied things and the fucked up rooms and hhhh I LOVE IT

Also I wanted to say that I can't even explain coherently how seeing you portraying these heavy things as eds and the sh and just all the heavy stuff so casually w also admitting more than once that you base a lot of these headcanons on your own life and struggles make me so happy bc that's always one of the things I've always been ashamed about, like whenever I find comfort in a character I immediately start to hc them w MY heavy stuff and see them that way completely but I'm scared of portraying it through my art bc ppl are always like "why would you want to fuck them up so badly" "why do u have to put your sh n ed stuff and mentally ill shit in these innocent things" and I feel like I need to justify it in other way than "yeah it's just that me getting comfort from them means me seeing myself in them and seeing my flaws in something I love, so naturally I need to put it there for my own comfort" bc it's just too selfish or smth. I know It might sound really really silly and dumb but YOU do it so well and so seemingly unbothered that you just make me want to say FUCK YALL and do It anyway so AGHHHH SORRY FOR THE ABSURDLY LONG RANT ANYWAYS I LOVE YOUR ART SOSOSO MUCH !!!

Bro, for someone whose first language isn't English, you got that shit down, mf your english is impeccable. And I saw the reblogs, I literally don't mind, I'm glad you gained something outta it. Art is literally soul healing, even if it's dumb south park fanart - never be afraid to do what is gonna comfort you. I really hope that things are gettin a lil better in your life, from the rants it sounds pretty rough. I fuckin believe in you, man, n I really wish the best for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, my PM's are open to anyone. Thank you for bein so nice. Please take care of yourself

#asks

[tired-reader-writer]

G-witch AU Infodump

Enabled by @werewolfcoochie @marchdancer @sharpdistances @germanpillow @kallista-dragonsoul and @iwantthatdickgrayson here is me infodumping about random shit in my G-witch AU:

After being rescued by Ellyus, El4n takes on a new name and identity— one he would choose for himself— though Shin Sei doesn't quite have the means necessary to turn his face into something else, nor does he remember what his original face is supposed to look like anyways.

Anyways, his new name is Nary, bc “nary” means “nothing, none” and he's basically someone who has nothing, starting from scratch with a clean slate and even before that he had nothing. Also it's a reference to @stil-lindigo 's fantastic poem-comic here and @telamont 's fic may the little garden where you smile, last forever since I read both of them at roughly within the same timeframe and they double-teamed up on me in terms of brainrot. I am not sorry for this.

I'm still struggling over his new surname however, though Frey is a temporary placeholder— as a reference to the goddess Frigg whose divine domains included clairvoyance and prophecy, and though Nary himself is no prophet his love interest is so hmmm. Does Ellyus count as an Odin figure? I'm not well-versed with Norse mythology. (what El definitely is is a trickster/prophet/fey type character)

Shin Sei in this AU is comprised of the friends and families of the slaughtered Vanadis researchers who want justice/vengeance for their fallen loved ones— and so support Prospera in her schemes. There's also mercurian folk in there but yeah.

Ellyus gets his mother and Shin Sei to fake/develop a new identity and backstory for Nary/El4n. It's up to him whether he comes back to Asticassia but I like to think he does.

He dyes his hair the same colour as the woman who's presumably his mother, the lady with the birthday cake? Yeah? The same brown.

He still wears soft earrings bc this analysis of El4n's gender thing lives in my head rent-free. He also wears a lot more feminine clothing because he can. (EDIT: added the link that I forgot to add bc fucking hell I knew I was forgetting smth)

He has a new hairstyle. I actually have a design in mind but since I can't draw right now... lemme dig up my gallery in hopes that there's something that looks like it—

(I'm not sure if I could share these, as far as I could track these were drawn by the original artist of the comic this character is from, I eventually seek to replace these w my own drawings when I can.)

He probably ends up taking the surname of some Shin Sei employee, though argh, it fucking pains me that we know practically nothing about Shin Sei!! Who's Godoy and what does he even do?!

The Plant Quetta attack does not happen. There will be another attack to replace it, alright, but it's been moved down the timeline. I don't know when it'll be or by whom, but it happens on Earth, while Ellyus is there. Why is he there? Dunno, probably some GUND-ARM related reason. He's one of the main mechanics of Aerial after all, and someone who's heavily involved in the production of GUND-prosthetics.

Speaking of Ellyus' engineering work, Shin Sei did develop the drone technology Prospera mentions in the witch trial— it's just that Ellyus is the one who created it. Maybe he could also be present in the trial room? His presence wouldn't really help against Delling but hey, it's the thought that counts. Besides, he (and we the audience) already knows Miorine will come to save the day.

Delling is fucking dead. No mercy for the fucker, he probably dies in the same attack that lethally wounded Ellyus? Or perhaps after that, in another incident. Vim Jeturk is accused of the murder, and subsequently silenced by Prospera and/or Shaddiq.

Shaddiq takes the presidency. Ellyus left behind pre-recorded video messages tailored to each recipient, he sat down and recorded them before he died, set to automatically be sent to the ppl he wants in the Know after his funeral, and Shaddiq and El4n's messages include the entire backstory, basically, and so Shaddiq knows about Quiet Zero and who it's for. He seeks out Prospera and basically proposes an alliance— much of their goals align, he can use QZ's might to strong-arm favorable negotiations for Earth, he knows who QZ's for and realizes that Ellyus can be “alive/free” again like Ericht since he's deduced that the night Ellyus went missing from his hospital room and came back dead was actually him being uploaded into a GUND-bit.

(It's part of Ellyus' machinations, to protect Miorine from Prospera, to bridge Shaddiq to a strong ally who shares a lot of his goals, and... yeah. Fuck Spacians, this alliance is gon be a bulldozer.)

Shaddiq does not ally with Peil.

Peil will meet a karmic end. I don't know how yet, but El4n and El5n are involved. Anyways, that'll probably happen during or after the struggle for the Benerit Group presidency.

Guel actually learns something beyond “daddy good”, dammit.

Miorine and Prospera have a... complex, shall we say, relationship. Prospera holds back from roping her into revenge unlike in canon— mostly because of Ellyus' pleas to not let GUND-ARM be ruined/soaked in blood, partly because Miorine is the one who resurrected and kept true to GUND's ideals of medical research and stuff. Prospera hates her bc well, Delling's daughter, but on the other hand... a successor of sorts to carrying the GUND research torch. Miorine doesn't trust her, no, buuuut she still can't deny that together w Shaddiq they're... actually doing decent work. (Again, unlike in canon LOL)

Suletta's off to the side having her own Identity Journey. The video message to her also explains her origins and everything, so she now knows she's a repli-child. I don't know what I'll do with the journey proper but I want the eventual outcome to be: “I am not Ericht, I was never a Samaya and that's just fine. I'm Suletta, and the name Mercury is mine in a way it isn't for mom. I still love you, mom, Aerial/Eri too, but I am a Mercury and I'm proud of that. I still love you but I'm me and you're not my entire world.” kinda deal. Basically, independence, loving her family on her own terms.

No Plant Quetta means no tomato paste and no divorce! Huzzah! (I mean, another attack still happens but due to Ellyus' and Miorine + Earth House's influence Suletta focuses more on disaster relief and evacuation and stuff.)

Adding a new layer to Ellyus' non-linear time thing (I've posted about it, I've linked to it before in another post, it can be found in his character tag), he's allowed to make phone calls to One (1) person in the past. That person happens to be Jeru Ogul, aka Shaddiq's child self, way before he's learnt to put up barriers around his heart.

(Ellyus was never meant to be human. If the G-witch cast proper is comprised of 3D beings and us the audience 4D, he'd be like, 3.5D. That's why he's allowed time shenanigans by me. Only as far as I allow it, though. He's a plot device, a robot w its guts exposed. I have also posted about this before. I won't link to it here bc well, I already have before and ppl didn't seem all too interested in the makings and structure of his character. Meta-narrative fuckery ftw.)

The calls are sporadic, but kid Jeru comes to hold this mysterious friend person in the phone very dear to his heart. Their non-judegmental and gentle encouragement was one of the things that kept him going in those days.

He's buried the memory now, in the deepest layers of his heart, under twenty vaults, along with the tender hurt and angry child self that was Jeru Ogul and everything that it represents. It fuels him, it's his impetus, but it's hidden, carefully so.

It's a surprise to the both of them when they find out.

(basically, Doylist reason was that I needed a narrative tool strong enough to break through his walls and allow him to be changed for the better, to stop having tunnel-vision, and Ellyus became the narrative device responsible for that task)

This development allowed for Shaddiq to be more proactive and open. To the point he might actually ask for Miorine's support/help during the competition for the presidency. I'm still contemplating it.

I don't know what I'll do with Dawn of Fold yet.

Not the Space Assembly League, really.

Somebody help.

Well, that's it for this episode of info-dumping! Thank you for enabling me, I was afraid to do it bc it's disheartening to scream your heart out into the void and have no response.

#like the strings on a rope (darling i fray like a firework) #ellyus mercury (oc) #prospera mercury #elnora samaya #shaddiq zenelli #jeru ogul #elan ceres #elan 4 #el4n #miorine rembran #suletta mercury #mobile suit gundam the witch from mercury #gundam witch #gundam the witch from mercury #gundam witch from mercury #mobile suit gundam: the witch from mercury #the witch from mercury #witch from mercury #g-witch #g witch #wfm #long post

[kurjakani]

Our 3d starting assignment was an abstract self portrait:3c a difficult one! I already struggle to put in words or thoughts how I'm like so!!! I kinda based this on. The first word that came to mind, which is kuhiseva, which i assciate w insects crawling or smth festering (affectionate). I dont think i have a lot to say via abstract art (i dont know if i have much to say via art anyways? Moreso i like to show things 2 other ppl than say anything via them) anyways i had a bunch of fun and yeah i think. Im gonna buy some clay just 2 fuck arounf at home w bc this is way too enjoyable. I do like making just. Incoherent shapes and textures, and hey, they can make for pretty cool little room decor!!!

#Kaniart #Kanitalk #I still need 2 brush it up a bit more tomorrow i need to remember to bring rough brushes #I wanna get some crums out but also give it a bit more texture #Im calling it rootworms #Do u guys think i should make a little hat for it?

[stateswscarlet]

Do you think that there are some people who should just move on from learning about loass because they refuse to stop focusing on having rather than being? Do you think some people are “lost causes”?

tbh, im in no place to tell someone to “move on” as that is their decision 100% (unless theres something life threatening happening/ab*sive situations w sp). but smth i will say is that in all my years of being in the community i do believe that some people are not in the right headspace/mental health in order to properly understand the law at a certain time. its not that they cannot understand it and apply, its just that SOME times they may need to take a break and come back to it later, whether it be because of circumstances or mental health or just lack of understanding (as sometimes ppl only want very simple explanations and want to be spoonfed, which isnt possible when it comes to applying hence them being “unsuccessful”).

ive met sooooo many people from when i freshly joined the law of assumption community who had been active in the community and “manifesting” desiring for years, even some ppl who claimed to have been studying for a decade + who still were struggling with basic concepts and didnt understand simple things like not messing w the 3D, imagining, etc. note that i am not critiquing their actual “success” in the 3D, i am simply talking about their conceptual knowledge. i still have people who are in my dms often who have been knowing the law MUCH longer than me asking for help and advice and are in shambles whenever anything in the 3d goes “wrong”.

on the other end, i have also witnessed ppl in TERRIBLE mindsets, poor mental health, the worst circumstances ever, etc completely turn their mindset around despite struggling and having a lot of issues at ONE point. they got themselves out of a funk and healed themselves, prioritized themselves and understood the law deeply without their old desperation and attachment.

so no, i dont think ppl are lost causes bc they can always turn themselves around one time, no one is doomed to never understanding the law (unless they genuinely dont want to and dont care to). even being a coach and helping people in dms before i was one, ive never thought of someone as a lost cause, but i can tell within a very short time who is willing to learn from their mistakes and apply, and who is stuck in their old habits and is too stubborn to accept help, let alone apply it. so based off that i can “predict” how their journey will go and have usually been correct. i genuinely wish everyone looking for advice the very best and thats why i post threads and offer optional help.

[everafter-life]

looks @ u with my autistic eyes. hi 👉👈

ur cis semi-verbal. i'm transmuette going for partial transition to semi-verbalness. gib tips please 🥺?

i mostly struggle w/ talking out of habit. it's smth i've done so long and much that it's second nature for me to talk, even when i'm with ppl i could simply go mute on 😔 (also i'mm too selfconscious to use the aac app i downloaded for even minor things 😭)

but like Literally Any Tips are appreciated !! /g

have a nice timezone !! :]

Hello! I’m sorry this took awhile, was spending time with my partner!

I don’t use an aac app and normally just use my phone’s built in tts or just type down what i want to say, just in case that may help some!

One thing that i have personally noticed is i do better talking with people i know! Yes i feel comfortable going silent around them but i mentally do have a lot to say, just can’t really say much of it! If you’re early on in transition i suggest trying to start by not talking much with people you don’t know much, or talking quietly with them!

You could also try and go quiet when working on something, like if you’re getting yourself food and someone tries to talk to you, wait until you finish getting your food before responding! You can even try and reply with a simple nod, head shake, or just going “mhm!” To do non-vocal responses. Maybe even learn a bit of small sign language, when i want water i will constantly use the sign for “drink” to tell people!

If you have follow up questions i am willing to answer!

#pro transid #pro transx #transx #transid #transverbal #Transsemiverbal #Cissemiverbal #rq 🌈🍓 #radqueer

[toastsnaffler]

also not my flatmate earlier being like wow I forgot u were into scifi....... girl. like sorry for not being into star trek/star wars I guess but????

#like yeah sure im into a lot of genres but scifi is a HUGE portion of the media I consume across film/shows/books/anime/games etc #not to get my yardstick out and try and measure how much of a nerd i am compared to her but most of my fave stuff is scifi. idk #unless im taking her too literally but I dont see what else she couldve meant. it feels kinda mean to hear that actually bc- #I swear we've talked abt half this shit. like do u mean u just werent listening to me for the last year and a half we've been friends :-( #sometimes it drives me crazy how little of an impression I seem to make on ppl that they dont even recall me having interests #or like sometimes she'll ask qs or for my opinion on smth as if she doesnt know already bc we've havent had this convo 4-5 times before #maybe she just has rly bad memory or I just dont matter enough for her to retain any of that info which is ok like i get it #but it makes me feel invisible which is frustrating + as someone who struggles w memory/perception of reality it can be confusing at times #i dont expect anyone to remember everything abt me but if we're friends u must have some mental image of me right?? so where is that??? #idk. its probably not that deep im just sleep deprived + thinking too much. its not like im mad or anything anyway just kinda confused #anyway dont mind me.. back to rewatching succession..... i should go work out in a bit too #.diaries #.vent

[subskz]

Hi hi again! 🫧 back just to say a few things !

I just wanted to say that I love your writing style, it just always makes me feel so immersed in the story! I also love and adore how sweet you are on your blog, it makes me feel rlly comfy and makes me look forward to your uploads even more!! Lately I’ve been struggling with motivation to continue writing and actually post more frequently, and I was just wondering if you had any tips for motivation! I’ve lacked motivation and time and I mean I know you can’t help on the time aspect but I was hoping maybe you had some advice for motivation! 🫶🫶

helloo welcome back angel! i hope you’ve been doing well ^_^

first off thank you so much u flatter me 😭 that’s smth i value a lot so it means a lot to me that you think so! and i’m so glad you feel comfortable here as well! you always have such sweet things to say, i really appreciate you n all your lovely words of support ♡

abt the struggles w motivation, i definitely understand where you’re coming from. i think it’s pretty natural for everyone who writes to go through periods where you're either overflowing w ideas, or you have to drag yourself to your wip kicking and screaming 😭 in my experience, the hardest part is almost always just getting yourself started. once you encourage yourself to begin writing, even if you only get a little bit done, it’s still progress! more often than not, you’ll end up naturally gaining momentum and before you know it you’ve written way more than you’d anticipated!

a smart way to go abt it may be to tell yourself that you don’t have to complete a lot in one sitting, just write what you can without any expectations and eventually you’ll find your rhythm. if you’re having trouble getting through a certain scene or section, a trick i sometimes use is to write out lines of dialogue or actions that i know for sure i want to include later on. if there’s a part you have planned that you’re really excited to write, try writing it out first and then ask yourself how you’ll get from point a to point b. this method can be super useful bc if you’re very invested in the scene, it’ll be much more enjoyable for you to write and you may feel more compelled to fill in the gaps surrounding it afterwards!

other forms of media can also play a big role in getting you motivated! music especially is one of the best ways to get yourself excited abt the piece you're working on in my opinion. listening to songs where the lyrics match really well with the scenario you're writing and/or the feelings you're trying to convey, or even listening to instrumentals that cultivate the right atmosphere, can work wonders for your drive to write and even provide you with new ideas. music is one of the most powerful motivators for me!

another thing i want to mention is that a good chunk of my fics were requests from my old blog! if you’re the type of person who might benefit from knowing that someone is waiting on a fic from you, then taking requests from ppl could be worth a shot! it can also help stimulate your creativity if the requester has a specific thing in mind they’d like you to include in the work. ofc, if you feel like it would only stress you out to have the expectation of completing it hanging over your head, then definitely avoid doing that to yourself. all in all it should be a (mostly) fun experience so don’t push yourself too hard if you’ve tried everything you can and still feel no inspiration to finish a certain wips. if there’s a story you’ve been dying to tell, focus on that and be as self-indulgent as you want! whenever you’re enjoying yourself, it often translates into the writing 🥰

apologies for the colossal response 😭 but i hope it makes sense and can help you out somehow! best of luck babe i’ll be cheering for you <3

#ask #🫧 anon #💌 #if you have any other questions please lmk and i'll do my best to help!

[dandyshucks]

i get slightly annoyed when people make community posts that tell ppl to stop doing xyz and use the phrases "they're a FICTIONAL character, theyre NOT REAL" to justify whatever theyre saying because:

1) everyone knows that already, we're all aware these are blorbos from our media;

2) if someone is genuinely struggling to grasp that because of a delusion or similar, a forceful reality check is only going to cause harm rather than help;

3) it just feels so needlessly patronizing;

4) most of the time whatever I see people complaining about is either smth that I never see anyone doing or if it is smth somebody is doing then the block button is a very quick and effective fix for the issue (or even a quick convo w the person in DMs can resolve issues!)

(granted I keep my following circle very small and probably miss a lot but if i can do that then perhaps... perhaps other people can do it too fhfkdl like just prune back whatever u dont like seeing! unfollow or block as needed!)

#speaking as someone who has experienced and occasionally still experiences delusions!!! #reality checks do not help unless we ask for them directly! it's only going to make things worse if u force one on us! #also yes im aware of the hypocrisy of me making a post complaining abt things #but its often just this one phrase that i will see in otherwise decent posts that go around #and im not about to unfollow ppl just bc of this one phrase being used in a post or two that they might've rbed fhfjdl #also this is a niche thing to know about i think? like i dont think most ppl know a lot about delusions #.... as evidenced by ppl using delulu as a quirky meme word. god that one makes me tired and frustrated fjfkdl #but yeah normally i keep complaints and annoyances to myself but this one i figured might actually be helpful to talk about here #since i know theres probably a lot of ppl who have no idea that this is a thing that can actually make things worse rather than better #and like. theres bigger fish to fry i know that! this is a relatively small thing all things considered #but i feel like perhaps if i can make life a little easier for one other person who struggles w mental health then its worth it #if i can convince one person to be more mindful of their language to make the world slightly safer for fellow mentally ill folks then yay! #and i know the internet doesnt need to cater to us crazies but fhdkdl it'd be cool if ppl could just be a tad kinder or more thoughtful #again! not shaming or blaming and I'm not even upset w anyone #ppl genuinely just do not know abt this stuff unless a loved one or they themselves struggle w delusions or psychosis etc #and even then oftentimes its such a stigmatized topic that even ppl who struggle w it themselves might not know or realize it #anyways. climbing down off my soapbox like a kitten clumsily climbing off of a tall couch SBDJSKL #dandy.cmd

[saetoru]

hiiii i hope you know how much i love ghe way u write haitham !!! also sooo true haitham is definitely autistic!! (me too haitham me too) i think u get how haitham is actually a quite kind and selfless person despite people think hes arrogant, egoistical and such but like if u read some if his voicelines like the one where hes asked what concerns he has he says smth not about him but how people tend to hurt themself and like cmon would an egoistical person have that concern??? also he doesnt look down on anyone its just he knows how capable he is and like ughhhh i feel like ur writing is a breath of fresh air cause like some people make it seem like hes some arrogant dude BUT HES NOT HES JUST AUTISTIC GUYS like when people say they dont like him and its just traits that autistic people usually have…. anyway thank you for sharing ur writing i love going through ur haitham tag it makes my day

HELLO HI I LITERALLY READ THIS LIKE 3 TIMES AND MY SMILE GOT SOOOO BIG EACH TIME IM GONNA TRY NOT TO RAMBLE AS I ANSWER THIS

but omg yesyesyes i agree he’s got so much pointing towards him being autistic and ppl will bash so many things ab him and it makes me so sad but also i’m like … maybe u ppl just don’t like traits that tend to describe autistic ppl idk … BUT i read so many fics of him being autistic and i see kaveh having adhd a lot in fics where they’re written to be neurodivergent and i think the authors i’ve read from so far have done such a good job of writing them and yeah. u get it. he’s definitely got sensory issues i know this is so real and true in my heart

AND HE IS SOOOOOOO KIND. i think ppl gloss over the fact that al-haitham doesn’t look down at anyone so much like everything about this man is so disciplined. so disciplined. like someone of his intelligence in a nation like sumeru could do sooo much bad but he literally just wants to have simple life where he goes to work and goes right home HE JUST WANTS PEACE. and his voice lines IF PPL WOULD JUST READ THEM. like the one about when ppl read difficult and abstruse books and then he says “jk i don’t enjoy watching ppl struggle lol” AND YES. THE ONE WHERE HE BASICALLY WOES ABOUR HOW PPL MAKE THEIR LIVES MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT NEEDS TK BE. he’s so caring by nature and i feel like even he doesn’t even understand that to some extent like i think he sees himself as a practical guy who just wants everyone to have peace for the sake of practicality. BUT HE ALSO JUST. CARES. YOU KNOW ?????????? they way it’s just canon that he’s misunderstood by ppl at the akademiya and he just doesn’t bother to correct them bc he doesn’t care to. THROWS UP HES SOOOOOOOOOO LOVELY I WISH MORE PPL WOULD SEE IT. i cannot tell u how many fics i read and then have to close bc. they just. THEY MAKE HIM SO ARROGANT AND MEAN BUT ARROGANCE =/= CONFIDENCE. he’s aware of his capabilities okay :( he’s not some condescending know it all. im just rly picky ab the way he’s written fjsjdjf so then i’m like. ok. i gotta write the content i wanna see 😔

but omg i’m rly glad you read and like my haitham writing sometimes i get carried away and make it so like…self servicing w the way i write him and the dialogue and then i get embarrassed to post it skfjsjfn but i’m very excited u like it I AM KISSINF U ON THE MOUF and also i am kissing ur brain for understanding him

#asks! #i did indeed ramble but #HE MAKES ME LOSE MY COMPOSURE OK