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bookscoffeeandracoons · 4 years

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366 Days Reblog Challenge April 2020

Another month is already over and in these messed up times I’m even more grateful for all the amazing work by these amazingly talented writers! So without much more rambling here are the fics that i’ve read and reblogged for @beccaanne814‘s 366 Days Reblog Challenge. And thanks again to @beccaanne814 for the wonderful banners!

Happy reading!

01. Patching up by @petals-sunwards

Clint Barton x Reader

Warnings: mentions of blood and injury, a little angst and fluff

Prompt: Can you go a single day without accidentally hurting yourself?

02. A Good Suit by @portals-to-a-new-world

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY!!, Some language, Mentions of being tied up, Oral (male receiving), uhhh I think that’s it tho

What? I have to give a massive massive shoutout to @bakerstreethound for the idea: {So have a later night party at the enterprise (can be for Kirk’s birthday, but let’s say you and Kirk are on bad terms so you don’t go to the party) you stay in your room tussling with your body pillow to make up for Bones absence. You wake up to find him sitting on your bed wearing the suit he went to Kirk’s party in.} Love, you’ve absolutely slaughtered me in this process but oml was it worth it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it <3

03. A Bad Boy by @portals-to-a-new-world

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Warnings: Listen. We all know I’m a slut for suits. So you can bet your ass this is as smutty as all hell. That being said, semi public almost smut, language, being tied up, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it yall), oral (male receiving), mild choking, dom!reader, listen it’s straight filth kay? Kay.

What?: Bones doesn’t want to go to a random 1920s themed party, so Y/n offers him a challenge. Smut ensues. (Sequel to A Good Suit.)

04. One Night In Vegas by @avengerscompound

Tony Stark x F!Reader

Warning: Talk of sex, aftermath of drinking and drug use

Summary: You wake up in a Vegas suite with Tony Stark wearing the biggest diamond ring you’ve seen in your life. The two of you then try and piece the night together

05. Your Prince, My King by @official-and-unstable-satan

Loki x Reader

Warnings: Dominant Loki. Language. Mentions of insecurities and mental health. Degradation and praise. Bondage? SEX Oral (Male and female receiving) and ACTUAL SEX ETA: Orgasm denial/delay (cause that’s apparently a warning? Didn’t know. Sorry) Odin in general. Loki. Reader being snarky and short tempered. Insecurities. Mentions of trauma. Language, probably. Bad writing? Idk what to put here, really. I’m bad at this. Smut. Mentions of smut. Actual filth. Out of character characters, probably. One day I’ll stop apologizing for my writing. I’m working on it.

06. Surprise by @mermaidxatxheart

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Swearing. If you think I missed anything, please let me know.

Summary: You try to get away with something, but Bucky catches you in the act.

07. drive-through by @evanstarff

(i must have missed something here beause i can’t get to this fic anymore. @evanstarff seems to be gone. I’ll still leave the fic here, in case anyone knows if @evanstarff maybe has a new blog or something, please let me know!)

08. Scabulous by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of past injuries, poor feelings about body image, scars

Synopsis: Bucky is unwilling to undress in front of you because he hates his scars. Turn out he isn’t the only one with scars.

09. Skin Contact by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Series Warnings: Angst, smut (hand jobs, vaginal sex, fingering), PTSD, mentions of past torture. Superpowered Reader.

Synopsis: While on the run in Romania you come across a man who has a past very similar to your own. When the people pursuing him track him down, you assume you will never see him again.

10. Mind Control by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Series Warnings: Angst, smut (vaginal sex, oral sex), PTSD, mentions of past torture. Superpowered Reader.

Synopsis: While on the run in Romania you come across a man who has a past very similar to your own. When the people pursuing him track him down, you assume you will never see him again.

11. CRUSH by @petals-sunwards

Clint Barton x Reader

Warnings: none, pure fluff and kisses

Written for @stuckonjbbarnes‘s 250 Writing challenge. My prompt was ‘You know, I’m really good at telling who has crushes on who‘ and I had a blast writing it.

12. An Exquisite Kind of Pain by @redgillan

Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: read it and you’ll see

Summary: Steve’s in love and that’s the problem.

The five times Bucky saved you…

…and the one time you saved him

by @buckysknifecollection

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Series warnings: some mild swearing, mention of dangerous situations, death mention, injuries, mentions of men objectifying women; other than that - toothrotting fluff.

Summary: You have a special bond with Bucky. He’s more than your best friend, your partner in missions, the person you care most about. He often saved you from uncomfortable situations, always ready to protect you, but sometimes, you are the one who did the saving. A series of drabbles.

13. Part 1

14. Part 2

15. Part 3

16. Part 4

17. Part 5

18. Part 6

19. Ink on his heart by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Bucky Barnes x TattooArtist!Reader

Warnings: Tattoo experiences, a couple stories about war. Some swearing. Mostly lots of feels and fluff.

Summary: Here’s how Bucky Barnes got a haircut and then decided it was about damn time he controlled his own destiny - starting with a bit of ink.

20. Friends in Training by @until-theend-oftheline

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Sam and Bucky are giant children

A/N: This is a drabble request written for @jewels2876 : How about this with Sam and Bucky? “Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both?"

21. Right Where You Are, That’s Where I Am by @corneliabarnes

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Angst, allusions to violence and PTSD, fluffy ending

22. Looking Up by @avengerscompound

Clint Barton x Reader (kinda)

Warnings: action, canon-typical violence, Clint’s naked and a very proud boyfriend.

Synopsis: Clint’s day was looking up. His girlfriend slept over for the first time. He’s pretty sure she’s a Jedi. He was having a nice bath. So how is it he’s now running down the street naked from gunmen?

23. Distant Connection by @abovethesmokestacks

A Bucky x Reader drabble series based on this post

Summary: You happen to be in the office when the email is sent out, you get Trip from IT to help you set up the VPN you need to be able to access company systems from home, you rifle through all of your folders and then just dump all of them in a box. It’s a surreal feeling because you are essentially cleaning out your office. As if you’re losing your job. This will be fine. You send an email to your project collaborator, someone named Barnes, suggesting a first video conference call on Monday before you log off.

This is fine.

Chapter 1: This Is Fine

Chapter 2: Introvert Olympics

Chapter 3: Business As Casual

Chapter 4: Jeremy Bearimy

Chapter 5: Toilet Paper Confessionals

Chapter 6: Netflix And I Have No Chill

Chapter 7: Social Dumbassing

24. Assemble: Bucky Barnes by @official-and-unstable-satan

Bucky Barnes

Warnings: Language, Bucky struggling a little with the whole idea. I think that’s it.

Summary: James Barnes remembers. He remembers the words. He remembers their meanings. He remembers what they made him do and he fears them. Even after he was ‘fixed’ by Shuri, he feared them. So, someone suggested he learn to love the words by associating the ways they could help him instead of hurt him.

25. Request for the “Until We Meet Again Series” by @sgtjbuccky

Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Warnings: a little swearing,

Request: Omggg I have a idea for “until we meet again What if the reader loses her memory and goes to the Avengers because that’s the last place you remember is being, and then like they tell her about herself and they end up finding the prodigies or sum YASSSSS I LOVE YOUR STORIES 😝

26. Audiobook of Love by @nerdy-bookworm-1998

Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Summary: Steve and Bucky are missing their best girl while on a mission, but she has a special surprise for them.

27. Sore Loser by @squirrel-moose-winchester

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warning: Fluff, Gambling (is hustling money considered gambling?), Some Crack, Dean being Petty.

Summary: Y/N learns a few new tricks and hustles Dean, the king of pool, out of all his money.

28. Best Laid Plans by @suz-123

A Falcon and Winter Soldier TV Fic *obviously this is NOT spoiler heavy as the show has not even been filmed yet*

Warnings: None really, just my usual casual cursing and sassy soldiers.

A/N: So, there was a post on here that went around yesterday about a plot theory as to what Zemo was going to be doing to tear these guys apart in their future TV show. Naturally, I was livid with this stupid idea and, naturally, I used the magic of fanfic to fix a problem that may or may not ever actually see the light of day :D

29. Major Crush by @redgillan

Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Explicit Language, Dirty Talk, Groping

Summary: Laser Tag brings out Steve Rogers’ competitive side and Reader loves it.

30. Count on It by @team-iron-wannabe-man

40’s!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Y/N isn’t too impressed with the Infamous Sergeant James B. Barnes, however Bucky is definitely interested in her.

______________________________________________________________

That was all the fics I’ve read for the Reblog Challenge in April! A big THANK YOU again to all the writers! This time would be so much more difficult without all your work!

For the readers: if you search my blog for the tag #fic rec you’ll find even more to read!

Stay healthy everyone and lots of love to you all! ❤

Back to main Masterlist

#becca's reblog challenge masterlist #becca's reblog challenge masterlist april #becca's reblog challenge #fic rec

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scottsumrners · 5 years

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avengers: flopgame, a rundown

most of the spoilers were right to some degree: cap does go back to peggy, iron man does snap thanos out of existence, all that jazz. they were wrong in several other things (cap doesn’t break the soul stone, he doesn’t receive a letter from peggy)

the plotline is very bareboned, and honestly i still dont know how it lasted for three hours. thanos does the snap and then “retires” to some planet in a corner of the universe. captain marvel rescues iron man, who promptly tells everybody to fuck off while he mops. the avengers + carol go out and beat thanos’ ass, but they found out that he used the stones to erase the stones

this part is hilarious when you look back after a certain part of the movie because the ancient one literally says that if the stones are removed from existence, the universe is fucked. but i guess it was already fucked either way?

five years pass. thor is fat and depressed. cap is handsome and depressed. natasha is depressed. captain marvel has a lesbian haircut. tony is living his best life with his daughter and pepper, because it turns out tony didn’t lose anybody in the snap! fun, i know

then scott is accidentally freed fro the quantum realm when a rat steps over the controls, reaches a grown up cassie (how did she go from 9 years old to 17, god only knows). then he goes after the avengers with the idea of going back in time. this is where the plot starts to unravel completely.

they go to tony for help, but he refuses because of his kid. then they go to “mr. hulk”, who tries to help but doesn’t know much. then tony changes his mind and helps them, under the condition that they don’t go back to when the snap happened, but instead just...ressurrect everybody who died. this completely overlooks the fact that FIVE YEARS HAVE PASSED, people have moved on, and many more have died/committed suicide/done a lot of bad things to themselves and others in the awake of the snap and afterwards. clint is proof of that

clint, by the way, lost his whole family, so he decided to get a haircut and become racist. he literally goes to, like, mexico and japan to kill criminals. “people died and you didn’t”, he says to a mafia boss. there are no mafia bosses in america apparently.

so they go back in time, because hulk and tony say that whatever they do in the past doesn’t count because of fixed timeloops. and then when they get to the past, the ancient one says that if they remove an infinity stone they create a fringe timeline, which is unprotected because the stones are meant to be the guardians of the universe or something

by the way did i mention thanos destroyed them? right?

there is a moment which is just. like. okay. steve goes back in time in the end with the purpose of not messing with the timeline by putting them back there, except steve whispers “hail hydra” to brock rumlow to get the mind stone and loki disappears with the cube, which is like. a massive fucking alteration in the timeline? but who the fuck knows! not the writers, thats for sure.

and then they fuck up even further because when nebula goes back in time, her systems interact with past nebula, who gets hijacked by thanos and literally tells thanos the whole plan. so evil past nebula replaces present nebula, goes back to the future, and when the team assembles to undo the snap (which they do), she brings thanos’ ship from 2014 to the present.

bearing in mind that scott literally says they only have fuel to go one back-to-back trip, but nebula manages to an entire ship using the pym particles *after* she has returned, and it is never explained how except there is a moment of her showing thanos the pym particles

so they undo the snap and everybody is back, but so is thanos from the past, who decides that only killing half the population doesn’t work because there will always be those wanting to undo it, so he wants to kill everybody and start anew. cap, thor and iron man go toe-to-toe with him while the hulk is buried under a bunch of rubble (thanos’ ship destroys the avengers compound) with rocket and war machine, and hawkeye is running from thanos’ creatures with the gauntlet

by the way did i mention that natasha had to sacrifice herself to get the soul stone? lmfao that was like....terrible. alas

the final battle is cool. cap wields the mjolnir (and thor says “i knew it!”. also he got the hammer back when he went to get the red stone) and beats thanos’ ass until he gets the upper hand. and then when all appears lost, the rest of the heroes show up to help and there is the big battle, with the goal of carrying the gauntlet from hawkeye to antman to send the stones back to the past

which they can’t do, and thanos gets them all back, but before he can snap he and carol have a beatdown. carol has three moments in the whole movie: rescuing iron man, as a hologram showing off her lesbian haircut, and this moment destroy thanos’ ship and beating his ass (and a cute scene with peter). then tony steals the stones from him by...literally grabbing them out of gauntlet, which is apparently something he COULDN’T have done in the original timeline?

also thanos has a gauntlet even though the gauntlet wasn’t made in 2014. but who is paying attention

and then iron man snaps thanos out of existence, he dies, people in my session were crying a lot. there is a funeral scene with everybody there; clint and wanda mourn natasha and iron man (hilarious bc tony put her in a straight fucking jacket, but alas), thor passes down the mantle of king of asgard to valkyrie and fucks off to be with the guardians of the galaxy, and steve goes back in time to put the stones back, but then he doesn’t come back. he is back as an old man there to pass down the mantle of captain america to sam, with the shield and all.

did i mention that cap and bucky have one (1) scene together? and he and falcon also only have this one? bucky seems super chill with all of it. he apparently could telepathically already know that steve was gonna do this bullshit.

the last shot of the movie is steve and peggy dancing, which made me nauseated. or maybe was the sugar. but probably steggy.

the positive points:

beautiful cinematography, except for the moments where it was too dark to see what the fuck was going on

less of a barrage of jokes, which was a welcome change. much of the joke was the fact that thor is fat and depressed and is a drunk now. haha. hilarious.

also there is a moment where they joke about captain america’s ass and two shots of captain america’s ass, which may just save this movie from being a complete disaster.

they aged cassie so there is real hope for a young avengers movie now

that’s it

the negative points:

the movie is extremely long for a plot extremely thin. but also it passed super quickly. wouldve been quicker if my bladder wasn’t full

iron man was, throughout the entire movie, completely selfish. he was arrogant and rude and he put his stupid ooc family above the rest of the universe. if he had been smart and gone back to the moment of the snap, he would have survived to have morgan stark again

when he goes back in time and meets his father, howard literally tells him he regretted putting his job above his family, which for tony translates on forcing the team to not undo the snap properly

natasha’s plotline was that she was lost and lonely and her “family” had died so she had no reason to keep living. so she kills herself. INCREDIBLE message to the audience

robert downey jr and jeremy renner are very ugly and old and the fact that we get getting these extreme close ups of both of them was. uncomfortable.

people kept saying that steve’s farewell was touching and beautiful and it would make sense but it didn’t. steve’s existence in the past changes hundreds of things - and if it doesn’t, the alternative is that steve knew what would happen and chose to do nothing, which is just. taking a shit on everything steve rogers stands for.

like, literally - and this makes me angry - the entire movie they kept hammering the idea that cap needed to MOVE ON. that he needed to go on with his life. when they showed peggy in the past and steve is watching her, the idea is that she has carried on with her life, only holding on to the memory of who he was as a memento. and then they take a shit all over it

the resolution of thor’s plotline from the last several movies being “thor doesnt actually want to be king, he just wants to be a space hooligan” is just. baffling.

steve, bucky and sam have ONE SCENE TOGETHER. IN THREE HOURS OF MOVIE!!!!!

the moral of the avengers: endgame is that never try to do a movie about superheroes and time travel because you just wont be able to do it right. and that’s that on that.

#avengers #a4 #endgame #spoilers

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shootwinterfest · 5 years

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True Colors

Shoot Secret Santa by @orphicsen-d!

1990

“What's your favorite color?”

Sameen doesn't have to look up to recognize the voice. Sam – the other Sam – has appeared out of nowhere like she always does and is now standing outside the sandpit with her blonde boyish haircut and a creepy smile plastered to her face.

“Don't have one,” she answers truthfully, and digs a deep X into the sand with a piece of wood that she found. It's hollow and dry, like everything in the South. She erases it again, the hot sand grazing her small palm. She watches as individual grains escape her fingers.

“What do you mean?” Sam lets out a signature maniacal chuckle and tilts her head.

“What I mean is,” Sameen says, aggressively pulling out brown blades of grass and wilted daisies and throwing them into the pit in front of her, “that I don't have one.”

Sam shrugs and climbs up the slide. “Mine is pink. It could be yours too,” she offers.

“I don't want one. Besides, it's bad enough that we share a name.”

Sam is doing the thing with her lips that Sameen interprets as “sadness”. Doesn't she know Sameen had just been joking? (Well, like 80% joking.)

But her eyebrows are up, not down.

Although there's a possibility that Sam knows Sameen had mostly been joking, there's also a possibility that she doesn't. Sameen ponders.

She had been asked the same question too many times in her life, and she'd never had an answer. Partly because most of the time, she didn't care enough to think of one, and partly because when she did, she couldn't think of one either.

Colors – there is nothing special about them, yet everyone seems to have an opinion. It's not like Sameen's colorblind, she sees the differences, she just doesn't get why they were important.

(Then again, it's like that with most things.)

But it is important to Sam, so it is important to Sameen too, in this moment. Because unlike it might seem to other kids, they actually like each other. Their way of showing affection is just less... conventional.

The first time they'd met, they'd gotten into a mudball fight because of a disagreement about peanut butter. The second time, Sam had tied Sameen to the roundabout and spun her until she was puking her guts out in the bushes. In exchange, Sameen had chased her down the street with a dead cockroach in her hand and dead anger in her eyes.

(If it weren't for the fact that there never seemed to be anything else in them, Sam would almost have been scared.)

The third time, they had gotten into a sand fight in this very sandpit after Sam had stolen Sameen's purple plastic shovel.

They consider each other best friends.

“I gotta go, mom's waiting,” Sam declares after a while. The sun has slowly been disappearing behind rooftops and chimneys and the sky has turned into a shade of warm orange that makes people stare out of their windows in awe.

Instead of sliding down, Sam jumps from the very top of the slide. The dry chalk throws up red dust as she lands on all four, for a moment looking like a hunter out for prey. But then she stands up, and she's Sam again, sweet, crazy Sam, with her boyish hair and creepy smile.

Sameen watches from her perch in the sandpit as she makes her way towards her green bike, carrying wood and stones and pieces of glass and other treasures, using her shirt as a makeshift basket. Green! That's a good color, right? Sameen thinks about grass and beer bottles and sour watermelon flavored bubble tape. She thinks about Maman Borzorg's special vases and Baba's uniform.

She grabs a handful of pebble and starts throwing the small stones one by one, hard, missing Sam's head by an inch or two each time. She flinches, but doesn't duck or protect herself with her arms, indicating that it is human reflex rather than fear. Sam's hair flips when she turns around, already seated on the tall bike. She's smirking.

Sameen gives her a commendatory nod.

“It's green.”

Sam's smirk grows wider as she swings her legs over the bike and starts pedaling up the hill full of verve, and Sameen throws a few more rocks, just for good measure.

The next evening, when they're sitting in their usual spots, Sam pulls out a ripped green piece of fabric with pearls and buttons sewed onto it. She points at the pink look-alike tied firmly around her wrist and grins, waiting for Sameen's reaction avidly.

“Best friends forever”, she announces with a wide grin.

Sameen has a suspicion of what this is. A friendship bracelet. She had seen other girls in her class exchange them (not boys; never boys) and supposed it was a method of affection.

She knows she considers Sam her best friend, even if she might not understand that concept like the other girls. It's the “forever” that makes her feel uneasy. She knows she's different. Some people would describe her as scary and psychotic, others as possessed and unpredictable. She doesn't correct them, though – they're not wrong, after all. She knows all that.

What she doesn't know is what it is that makes Sam come back to the playground every day.

(She knows she'll stop one day, so she doesn't dwell on it too much.)

But Sam is still there, sitting in front of her, cross-legged and wide-eyed, waiting for Sameen's response.

“Uh... thanks,” she says, unsure of where to look or what to do.

(Sam understands, doesn't question it.)

She gently takes Sameen's hand to put on the bracelet for her and something shifts inside of Sameen. It's neither positive nor negative, nor particularly intense, Sameen just knows it's there, and Sam's touch must have triggered it – whatever it is.

(It feels like a silent tornado of every color in the rainbow, Sameen thinks, and she wants it to last forever and never come back at the same time.)

It passes after a second or two, and everything is back to standard again. Sameen pulls back her hand. She decides she wants to put it on herself.

Sam understands, doesn't question it.

Grass grows. Leaves fall. Children laugh. Seasons pass.

Neither of them know who stopped coming first.

1996

“You got light?”

Tomas' dirty laughter echoes in the dimly lit alley.

“What are you doing here, gooky girl?,” he asks and forcefully spits onto the ground.

“Enjoying the sunset, what else would I be doing on such fine night? Cheers!” She raises her bottle and finishes the remaining sips of cheap beer with four big gulps.

“Very funny, Shaw,” Tomas laughs again, more dryly this time, and takes a few steps towards her. His hair is full of gel and he smells like sweat and cologne. It would almost be attractive if it weren't for the fact that he is an annoying white boy.

“Yeah, very funny, Shaw,” Bobby chimes in hesitantly, voice cracking in the process. Tomas turns back to him and shakes his head, indicating that Bobby should leave the talking to him. Bobby scoffs awkwardly and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his bulky jeans.

Two more guys, Romeo and Jeremy, descend from the dark, smiling viciously. Their gaze is diluted but aggressive, their walk unsteady and incoherent. Shaw can tell they're out for a fight.

“So it's gonna be that kind of party, huh?,” she says, throwing the glass bottle in their vague direction.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't you know that's bad for the environment?,” Tomas drawls, obviously content with his own hilarious remark.

The other boys snort. “Bad for the environment!,” Bobby cackles again, holding his sides from laughter. The rest decide to ignore him.

“Are you some kind of a fucking Greenpeace activist now?”

Jeremy goes “Oooh snap!” in the background and Tomas sends him a warning look, visibly getting more and more frustrated. Shaw has so suppress a smirk. How cute.

“Hey, watch it, gooky girl. Wouldn't want something to happen to your miserable little stray.” There's a threat below the lightheartedness of his tone.

Shaw falters. But Rocky is at home, probably drooling onto her pillow right now. Rocky is safe. They can't hurt him now. All Shaw has to do is assure her position with fist and muscle, and they never will.

She jumps off the monkey bars, landing on both feet with ease.

“What did you just say, Koroa?” She stares at him, eyes narrowed.

“You heard me, Shaw. He's already rotting anyway, why do you even–“

Shaw's fist lands on his eye before he can finish his sentence. His body staggers but doesn't fall, his brain not affected enough by the alcohol, so it seems. Wouldn't be fun if it was anyway.

The two other boys help him back up to his feet – Bobby watches them awkwardly – and start to slowly but surely capture Shaw in a circle. The smell of alcohol and sweat intensifies, arms wearing ink drawings and swatch watches reach out for her, and Shaw's adrenalin level shoots up.

Romeo is the first one to attack her, but she pushes him to the ground with ease. Next one to go is Jeremy. He tries to grip her by the elbow but she is faster and kicks his legs away under his body, making his knees buckle. His bones make a questionable sound when he falls and he is holding his knee protectively, a pained expression on his otherwise witty and annoying face. Two deceased, one left – two left if you count Bobby, which Shaw doesn't.

She turns to Tomas. It looks like he had just been patiently waiting for her to do so, the shit-eating grin is back on his face, and Shaw really wants him to lose a tooth or two or three. She stares him dead into the eyes.

“Whatcha gonna do now, gooky girl? You might be strong but you're all by yourself, just like your dying dog. Nobody wants to love a dirty stray,” he provokes.

Shaw can feel her heart rate increasing, her palms getting sweaty, blood shooting up to her ears. Human reflex.

She's gonna make him beg for his life.

She strikes out and hits – hard. At first it's a woman-to-man fight, but it's only a matter of time before Tomas is on the ground, nose bloody, arms raised in surrender. Shaw grins, doesn't stop the kicks and punches.

His “friends” have bundled off, so now it's just her, him, and his sweet cries, like music to her ears. Blood squirts into the air and his voice is becoming hoarse. Shaw could do this all day.

It's too linear, too easy, and it only takes a second of negligence for two hands to strangle her neck from behind.

Fuck.

She tries to free herself, tries to grip the person by their arms and throw them over, with little success. Her air tubes are cut off and her vision's getting blurrier and blurrier...

Just as she is about to lose consciousness, the grip around her neck loosens, and her lungs start sucking in air violently, stertorously. She's heaving.

When she regains her vision, she can make out the shape of a person standing in front of her with crossed arms. Shaw blinks. The person grins widely.

“Long time no see.”

Shaw stands up and wipes off the blood on her palms onto her jeans. She tightens her ponytail, examines her neck – decorated with blue and green spots now – and processes the situation. Tomas' and Bobby's bodies are laying in a pile a few feet away from her, probably unconscious.

The person – a girl – is still smirking, her head tilted adoringly. Shaw takes a closer look at her smug face. Her eyes widen.

“Sam.”

“Kiss kiss to you too,” she coos absentmindedly, rummaging in her pink backpack. Her face lights up as she fishes out a half-empty water bottle and hands it to Shaw. She accepts it, drinks it greedily, water dripping down her sharp jawline and bruised neck.

“Thanks.”

Sam shrugs. “Look like you need it, after almost getting strangled to death by the sleeping beauty over there,” she simply states, tilting her head towards the passed out Bobby. Shaw scoffs.

“Remember, when fighting multiple opponents, the most important thing is to keep one of them in the way of the others. Self-destruction, if you take it that way. Oh, and I go by Root now. You can have your name back.”

“It was never yours to begin with anyway,” Shaw counters automatically.

“I'm six days older, so actually, it was.” Six fucking days.

“But it fits better for me.”

Root laughs. Not maniacally like she used to, it's short and happy and bitter at the same time, and if it weren't for the lack of illumination, Shaw would have to hide her smile.

“Yeah,” Root says, smiling at the smell of fresh blood. “I agree.”

Bishop's small – comically small. Still, they had mostly managed to not cross ways in the past six years. (And at the few times they did, they simply pretended they didn't.)

It's probably like that because of the fact that Root's a night owl, she likes to keep to herself, only interacting with other people if absolutely necessary. And Shaw's not exactly a social butterfly, either.

Root is taller and thinner than Sam, her hair longer and darker, the spark in her eyes gone and replaced by something Shaw can't quite make out.

Her hair is longer, but still too short for a lady, as most people in town would say if you'd ask them. That alone wouldn't be too bad, but add combat boots, Tori Amos cassettes and the fact that she had never shown even the slightest of interest in a young man her age, and it had soon become pretty clear to everyone: Samantha Groves is a dyke.

Shaw's not homophobic – she's the last person to give a shit about someone not fitting the norm – , just simply curious. She knows she likes guys, she knows she likes girls too, but what she doesn't know is what that makes her. She doesn't think about it too much. It's a preference, a state of mind, nothing that needs to be discussed.

She's not sure what it is that makes her bring up the topic.

“They say you're a lesbian,” she says, dry grass crunching under her feet as they stray around town aimlessly.

Root huffs. “They're not wrong.”

The sun is about to rise in half an hour or so, paining the skyline in a warm orange, the kind of orange that would make people stare out of their windows in awe if the entire town wasn't asleep.

Shaw turns to look at her. “You fuck girls?”

She nods nonchalantly. They're about to enter a graveyard that reminds them of too many ghosts to give a second thought to, when Shaw feels all kinds of colors shift inside her.

“What's that like?”

Now it's Root who turns to look at her. She's clearly amused, derisive even.

“Well at first... you caress her face,” she starts, and the use of pronoun sends a shiver down Shaw's back. She nods shortly.

“Oh,” Root says, voice not louder than a whisper, “I'm not sure if you understand. Like this.”

They're standing between two gravestones, not quite in each others arms but with a significant amount of contact. Root's fingers start tracing the outlines of Shaw's face softly, only ever hesitating at her lips for a brief moment. Eyelids flutter as Root stops to look at them, wondering. Shaw feels the colors again.

“Then... you start kissing her,” she continues, and she does. The kiss is short and chaste and the sound of mouths parting is fucking sweet. Shaw brings her hands to Root's face and presses her onto the cold stone. She chuckles.

“Then…”

The sun is beaming onto yellow grass and waterless lakes and two girls have just finished fucking in the middle of a Christian graveyard.

One of them, the shorter one, is putting on her shirt, and the other one, the tall one, is searching for something in her pink backpack like she always does.

“You're a fast learner, Sameen. Are you sure you haven't done this before?,” she teases, watching over her shoulder as the other girl is getting dressed.

“It's Shaw. But you're not that bad yourself,” she answers with confidence, wondering why her hands are shaking. Must be a human reflex.

“We should do this again sometime. You know, there aren't many- oh, here it is!”

She turns around with a wide grin and hands Shaw a small strip of paper. A phone number in watery black ink is written onto it hastily. Shaw raises an eyebrow.

“For your dog, Rocky. I heard he's not doing so well.”

“Where'd you hear that?,” she wants to ask, but she gulps down her question instead.

She'd found Rocky two months ago, in the middle of an extinct highway an hour away from town, trotting around an empty car with a broken front shield and an effused airbag. He'd been all skin an bones, paws and nose bloody and body too bruised to make it through another day – or so you would think.

Granted, Shaw had taken him home on her bike and taken care of his wounds. She'd fed him, bathed him, given him a warm place to sleep. He'd been getting better slowly but surely until one of the neighbors' little wastes of air decided it would be funny to sneak tulips or azaleas or some shit into his food.

It had been going downhill ever since.

So it's no wonder that people in town have noticed. Their interest is rather superficial, though. Shaw knows that random people stopping her in the corner store to ask her how he was doing was more so that they had something to tattle about during Sunday brunch rather than genuine concern.

(She can almost imagine it, three o r four upper-middle class elderly women sitting around a table covered with a flouncy white tablecloth, coffee and cream and organic cookies in a fancy ass bowl, talking about their husbands Richard, Charles and Henry. One of them brings up the poor dying puppy of the Shaws, and they all shake their heads in uni s on and agree that something should be done there, before going back to discussing golf or bingo night.)

Shaw gulps again. “What is this?”

“A phone number,” Root answers. “Of a vet in Karnes City. Doctor Adams, but tell her I sent you and you'll be allowed to call her Mina. She owes me a favor.” She winks awkwardly.

Shaw doesn't know what Root had done or why Mina owed her a favor but she really also doesn't want to. She ponders whether or not to accept the offer, but remembers that this is Rocky they're talking about. And Rocky is her friend.

“Thanks.”

Root smiles.

(Shaw takes Rocky to Mina's office the following day. She's paralyzed for a second when Shaw mentions Root's name, but then nods slowly and takes them down the hallway into a dimly lit room. She examines him , prescribes three different kinds of pills and tells Shaw to come back in five day periods. When Shaw asks about costs, Mina laughs briefly and tells her not to worry about that.

Rocky dies of age five years later in his sleep, peacefully, a few months after Shaw had started med school. She doesn't cry but her textbooks seem more gray than usual.)

2014

“If the worst comes to pass... if you could give Shaw a message?”

“I think she already knows.”

She looks at him with glassy eyes. He thinks Shaw knows, which means that he knows, and it doesn't matter to him. Her throat tightens.

2016

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Root mutters, her side pressed tightly against the tree. She raises her gun as the man is close to shooting, unlocking the safety. She's about to fire but someone else is quicker. The man sinks to the ground with a grunt.

“What?”

She turns her head to where the bullet came from. Another person grips her wrists and pushes her down. Root gasps.

“Root?”

“Shaw.”

It takes two hours to convince Shaw it is okay to go home with her. Root pays the taxi driver generously and offers to help Shaw out of the vehicle. She shakes her head but mutters a soft “thanks” for only Root to hear. They walk from the parking spots to the tall building – one of Finch's safehouses – and Shaw can't stop looking around, turning her head from left to right and from right to left every few seconds, eyes tired and haunted. Her walk is different, Root notices. Cautious – more cautious than it was before – , paranoid, even, like a sick puppy limping behind its owner.

They make it to the second floor and take off their clothes and shoes, and now they're here, sitting on the couch in a respectful distance, facing each other.

“Long time no see,” Shaw says, looking at an object on the coffee table that isn't there.

Root smiles slightly, and they sit in comfortable silence until Shaw's stomach growls.

“Oh.” Root stands up and makes her way towards the fridge across the room. She takes out some whole wheat toast, crunchy peanut butter and jelly with a justifiable expiration date and starts making the sandwich.

"You hungry?,” she calls over her shoulder.

Shaw blinks. She doesn't understand the question.

Root returns with a PB&J a few minutes later – two thick layers of peanut butter, a thin layer of jelly, bread cut into two rectangles, just like Shaw likes it. She sets down the plate in front of her and sits back down.

“For me?,” she asks hesitantly.

“Of course, sweetie.”

Shaw takes the sandwich and admires it for a minute, like it's the best gift Root could have given her. She watches it, smells it, opens it, touches it, closes it, and bites down with gusto. Root wishes she had offered it to her sooner.

It's an hour later when they're lying under warm blankets in the cold bedroom and Shaw asks Root to leave on the small light on the nightstand. Shaw is lying on her stomach and Root on her side, propping herself up with her elbows, watching Shaw's breathing get calmer and calmer.

When she thinks she's asleep, she lays down her head and inches closer to Shaw – she doesn't close her eyes, not now, not when she hasn't seen her in what seems like a lifetime.

“I don't have it anymore,” Shaw mumbles into her pillow.

“Hm?,” Root asks, tucking the hair behind her ears. “Can you repeat that, sweetie?”

Shaw sits up. “The friendship bracelet. I threw it out. Can I get a new one?”

Her voice is quiet and monotonous, her mouth forming the words softly.

“Sure,” Root says slowly and nods, watching Shaw's back move up and down. “Do you want it in green?”

“No. My favorite color is brown now.”

Root tilts her head. “Brown. That's unusual.”

Shaw shrugs.

“I'll get you one tomorrow,” Root promises, “but for now, let's get some rest.”

She guides Shaw down again, her hand placed on the small of her back. Both of them know sleep won't be happening, but at least they can close their eyes and feel the other person's body next to their own.

Root pulls up the thick blanket and puts her arm around Shaw's body, making sure she is warm and comfortable. She can feel Shaw's breaths on her hair; it stirs, tickling her shoulder. She starts rubbing soft circles on the small of her back, and Shaw relaxes under her touch.

New York is freezing. The room is muggy. The air is humid. Two warm bodies are pressed against each other.

Shaw reaches around to pull her closer and hugs the taller woman's midriff awkwardly. Root smiles at the soft gesture and kisses the top of Sameen's head, and the colors are there, and she understands.

#shootsecretsanta #shootsecretsanta2018 #person of interest #shoot #orphicsen-d

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evrthefanatic · 4 years

Text

soulmark part 2 | Elijah Mikaelson x OC

tPairings: past Tyler x Oc, past Matt x Elena

Warnings: Canon Typical Violence

Word Count: 3,873

Read on AO3, FF.net, Qoutev, Wattpad

ACT 1 | The first day of school

Dear Diary,

September

Surprise, surprise. I’m starting a journal. I suppose it’s more tradition for our family to journal our lives than do therapy. I’ve never been one to write my emotions, and I’d rather bury myself in music. But I’m taking Elena’s advice and starting you up. Let me introduce myself;

My name is Alyssandra Gilbert.

Elena's my twin sister, and we have a younger brother named Jeremy. So our story goes like this: three months ago our parents died in a car crash. Their car whipped over Wickery Bridge and into the water. They both died before they got brought to the hospital. Elena was with them, and she was lucky to have survived. She hasn’t been the same since, although admittedly, none of us have been.

I’m honestly worried about her, and my brother. I’m prepared to help out however I can. It’s the least that I could do for them. I miss mom and dad so much, but somebody needs to hold it all together. I hope Elena doesn't think that Jer and I blame her for their deaths. I can see that she blames herself.

I haven’t told Elena, but I feel like I almost lost her too the night our parents died. We got connected (?) somehow. And by some chance, I was able to see what happened and she was able to come back to life.

I don’t believe in divinity, but I suppose that’s as close as I can get.

Damn.

Anyways, I hear them rattling around downstairs. I better get down if I don't wanna be late for school.

The now Gilbert-Sommers household already bristled with life when Aly got down the stairs. She watched as her Aunt Jenna almost comically ready the kitchen, filled with energy despite it being early in the morning. Elena was already down as well, looking tired as usual.

"Toast?" asked Aunt Jenna, working around Elena as she walked to the coffee maker. "I can make toast."

"It's all about the coffee." Elena replied, yawning."Morning Alyssandra."

Aly smiled. Despite the obvious circles on Elena’s eyes, Aly was glad to see that her sister took effort in herself that morning. Elena had worn her signature long sleeves, and her straight hair was thoroughly brushed. "I'd have some of that." she murmured, playfully grabbing the coffee mug from Elena.

"Is there coffee?" Jeremy’s voice echoes from up the stairs, making himself known. Aly painfully notes that unlike Elena, Jeremy didn’t seem to have taken any effort at all.

She made a face, taking a sip from the mug. "Dude you need a haircut."

The glare Jeremy sent her was icy. "You need to leave me alone." he frowned, bumping into her as he got in the kitchen. Aly rolled her eyes, somebody had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. "Do we have more coffee?"

Jeremy steals the new mug in Elena's hands, much like she did, earning a glare from the oldest Gilbert sibling. It was half-hearted. Guilty for doing the same, Alyssandra hands her mug back to Elena. The younger twin looks at Jeremy, feeling a little concerned as he continued to harshly pushed things around as he walked. He had a complete personality change since their parents died, she wanted to reach out somehow- but nothing seemed to go through him.

Growing up, it was Elena that Jeremy had always gone to whenever something was wrong. By no means did Alyssandra believe that the two were closer to each other than Aly was to them, as she also believed that Elena was simply easier to talk to. Simply by being the eldest, Elena always had something to say to the younger two.

Jenna wore a pained smile. "Your first day of school and I'm completely unprepared." she sighed, "Lunch money?"

Aly gives her a smile. "I'm good."

"Same," Elena answered. "You coming with Bonnie and I to school, Aly?"

Aly shook her head no, “I’m heading to Caroline’s.” she explained. Caroline Forbes, Deputy Elizabeth ‘Liz’ Forbes’ daughter, her best friend. “I kinda promised her we’ll go together.”

With literally no shame, Jeremy takes the money hanging from Jenna’s hand. Aly decides to shoot her shot.

"Hey Jer," she called out. "Wanna hang at the Grills later?"

He doesn't even look back at her as he heads out, yelling out a ‘no’ as an answer.

Elena frowned, "You think he's gonna be okay?" she asked, looking as worried as Aly was. She placed her coffee mug back down to the sink.

"Honestly I have no idea." Aly had a sinking feeling in her stomach, remembering the early days of their parents' death. Aly personally blamed herself for Jeremy’s new behavior, she herself had almost fallen off the wagon just as hard in early June.

"Well- whatever.” she forcibly took the thought out of her mind, beginning to feel uncomfortable. “I'm heading to Caroline's. See you later-" Aly idly presses a kiss on her twin in the cheek before heading out as well. She briefly hears Elena and Jenna talk some more before Jenna follows her out through the door.

"Hey Aly, do you wanna ride? Caroline's house is just on the way," she pointed to her car.

Aly shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

The ride to Caroline's wasn't exactly tense. But it was quiet. Aly follows the urge to trace her wrist. Finding comfort in the misshapen rough edges of her skin there. Jenna repeatedly taps the steering wheel.

"So-" Jenna starts, breaking the silence. "You ready for the first day of school?" she asked.

Alyssandra shrugged once more. "It’ll be alright I guess." she takes a look at her aunt. "Thanks, by the way," she tells her, softly this time. "I have no idea what we'll do without you."

It was true.

Elena had refused to go out of her room for days at a time the week of their parent's death, Jeremy decided it was a good idea to meet up with her druggie friends, and at the day of their parent’s funeral, Aly herself had almost ran away. It was their Aunt that had somehow huddled them back together. It was nowhere near perfect, and Aly seriously doubted that things would go back to normal. But today was better, their lives were better, and it was all because of their aunt.

Jenna smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Your mom was way better at this than I am" she shook her head. "She always wanted kids."

They fall into silence once more, one that's more comfortable. Alyssandra watched as they passed by houses. Thoughts of her parents running through her mind. She was once again reminded of the dream she had that night. She hasn't really talked to anyone about it. She can't get her dad's panicked face in his last moments out of her mind. She still didn't know or understand how she managed to see through Elena's eyes.

She felt her stomach churn over the thought that Elena had actually gone through what she saw. That Aly herself was already panicked by the thought. A part of her wanted to open up to her sister about the events of their parent’s death. But she couldn’t bring herself up to the conversation.

Alyssandra shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. Already they had arrived just outside the Forbes residence. "Thanks for giving me a ride."

"You sure you don't need anything?" Jenna asked.

"I'll be alright," Aly assured her. "Take care!" she said as she shut the door. Jenna gives out a beep as her car drives by. She hears the Forbes house open, revealing her friend, Caroline.

As always, Caroline had her blonde hair curled to perfection, her cheerful happy smile radiant and infectious. Aly was forever grateful for her personality. Many had thought that Caroline was shallow, often jealous of others, and always trying to do things her way. But Aly knew better. Her best friend had a heart of gold beyond the rough ‘shallow’ exterior. She was fiercely protective of her friends, and had always been kind despite her ‘say before think’ attitude.

"Aly!" Caroline called out, giving her a hug. "I'm so glad to see you" she then pulls back, smiling brightly before- "Your hair is a mess," she tells her. "Come on," Caroline grabbed her hand, "Let's get you fixed up before we go. It's the first day and all."

Alyssandra shakes her head, slightly laughing at her antics. "I think my hair is absolutely fine." but she lets herself get dragged anyways.

The first few hours of school went by smoothly. Aly ran a hand down her hair, carefully not messing up the handkerchief headband Caroline pinned up. She looked at herself in the mirror, tying her curls into a low bun. She felt oddly jittery, feeling as though something was about to happen. She took a deep breath to calm herself, closing her eyes. The restroom door opens, and she jumps in surprise.

It was Elena.

"You scared me."Aly couldn’t help but send her a glare as she washed her hands. Giving herself a little shake.

"You alright?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?" Elena pushed, her frown never leaving her face. Sometimes, even Alyssandra got unnerved by looking at her twin, astounded by their likeness. Aly wiped her hands down her skirt, looking at herself at the mirror one last time before rolling her eyes.

"I'm fine, Elena," she said, giving her sister's arm a squeeze. "You?"

Elena shakes her head. "Not really," she mumbled, leaning down on the sink. "I saw Jeremy getting high off earlier."

Aly frowned, disbelief evident on her face. "Are you serious?" she shakes her head, disappointment rolling off her in waves when Elena nods.

Elena looks at her hopefully, "I was wondering if you could talk to him later?" she asks, "I tried to tell him off but it didn't really work."

“I could.” she said, “But he’ll just give me a speech about being a hypocrite.” at Elena’s look she adds- “I suppose I’ll go find him with the druggies later.” she grabs Elena’s hand, hooking her arm with hers. “Come on, we’re gonna be late for class.”

They bump into someone as they head out. Alyssandra hears the guy gasp. He was tall, brown-haired, green-eyed. Pretty lithe and looked pretty shocked. He was obviously the new kid everyone had been talking about. Although he was new, Aly thought that he looked oddly familiar.

"You alright there buddy?" she asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Y-yeah," he stammered. “Hi, Elena.”

"Stefan." Her twin greeted, smiling wide. It was an obvious sign, Elena had a new crush. "this is my sister, Alyssandra. Alyssandra, this is Stefan. We have History together."

Aly couldn’t help but snort at her choice of words. She reached out her hand for the guy to take, the obvious sign basically confirmed, Elena was into him. “Hi.”

There was still this weird look on his face, his eyes kept on darting back from her to Elena. Aly found it a little funny. "First time seeing twins?" she couldn’t help but ask.

That seemed to get through him, shaking his head, he laughs. "No- no. I’m Stefan" he shook her hand. "You two just look so identical. "

"Aly," she tells him, the handshake lasted longer than normal. “And yeah- that’s how twins work.”

"Sorry," he said, apologetic. "I didn't see you in class earlier." He trails off in question.

"There's a no twins per class policy here. I also have more classes than Elena here." Alyssandra explained, "Anyways," she looks back at Elena, giving her a tug. Elena had been staring at him. "We should get going, Care and Bonnie are probably waiting for us."

Elena, seemingly oblivious from the awkward moment, smiles. "Yeah," she said, nodding along. "I'll see you around, Stefan."

"See you." He smiled back. As soon as he was out of earshot, Alyssandra could no longer contain her tiny fits of laughter.

"Omygod," Aly laughed. "What was that?"

"Shut up" Elena rolled her eyes, "What do you think?" she asked, smirking. "Cute? Hot?"

Alyssandra rolled her eyes, lightly pushing her sister. "He's alright." she conceded. Not really her type, but he was obviously hot. Emo-looking, soft guy. "You have a crush?"

Elena pushes her back, "No," she says, "just- slightly interested." she nods off to the side, where Tyler Lockwood and his friends stood. "I know someone else who's slightly interested."

"Shut up" Alyssandra harshly pinched her, not looking at Tyler's direction at all. "You know how that worked out."

"He's still your best friend, Aly" her sister insisted, Alyssandra just shakes her head. Her mind thought back on Tyler and their rather weird together-but-not-really relationship. It abruptly ended when he had finally confessed his feelings to her, which she shot down. In hindsight, his confession was incredibly sweet, not to mention well thought out. But it was badly timed. Her parents had just died, and she wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship just after that.

She knew though, that even if they didn’t die, she still would have said no. Aly figured that she’ll just have to apologize, words were said that night.

"I'm not really interested in relationships right now."

Elena just nods, expression turning solemn. "Yeah, I get it." she says, suddenly falling quiet. Her playful expression was gone from her face, replaced by one that was more subdued and pained. Alyssandra felt a pang through her chest.

The younger twin backtracks immediately, realizing her mistake. "I don't know," she said, forcing herself to become livelier, "Maybe if he does it again" she feigns a giggle, instantly feeling better as Elena smiled. They enter the cafeteria together, finding their friends quickly. Soon enough, they were busy chattering about their day.

Elena, Caroline, Bonnie, and Alyssandra, four fast friends since their childhoods. There wasn't a month in their lives where they didn't see or talk to each other, except during fights, but they never did last that long. Caroline was just explaining how the new guy, Stefan, was Elena's next beau when Alyssandra's eye catches Jeremy's form leaving the caf.

Alyssandra stands up, "I'll be right back." she tells her friends. "I'll just go talk to Jeremy."

Following her brother, Alyssandra quickened her pace. A frown settling in her face. She knew the appeal of drugs, understood it, had it. But she couldn't. Not anymore. Elena would be heartbroken, not to mention it'll look terrible as Jeremy's role model. She sees her brother talking to Tyler, who looked like he was having a whiff of his own.

"Jeremy," she called out, smiling tightly. She ignored Tyler behind him. "Can we talk?"

Jeremy looked immediately pissed off. "What are you doing here?" he immediately grabbed her by the arm, dragging her away.

Aly pushed him back, not liking the rough handling. "What?" she asked, "I happen to be friends with the people here."

"Did Elena tell you to talk to me?" he glared. At the side, Aly sees Tyler come closer. "Why can't you two just leave me alone?"

Her ex- something gives her a look, joining in the conversation. "Aly"

Alyssandra ignores him some more. "Listen, Jeremy," she says, "This isn’t the way and you know it... You don’t use this shit for things to magically get better. Recreation, fine. But it isn't going to help you okay? It's not permanent." she makes a point by grabbing the joint from his hand. “You don’t depend on these things. It’s dangerous. I know this.”

Jeremy has a pained expression in his face, but he just shakes his head, handing out his hand. "Give it back Alyssandra."

Aly sighed, handing it back to him but taking her arm back when Jeremy instantly reached for it. "Promise me you'll think about it?" she pleaded.

"Yeah. whatever." he took his joint back, huffing as he walked away.

Tyler immediately rushes to say, "Aly I swear it's not what it looks like."

Alyssandra glares at him. "Just stay away from my brother alright?" she bumps into him as she walks away. Fully aware that it'll just get him mad. Tyler has always had anger management issues.

He grabs her hand, practically forcing her to face him. Alyssandra tenses up as he holds her up by the arms. "I promise," he says, looking at her in the eyes. There was a sad look in his eyes. She feels her resolve break up a little. "I'm not giving your brother any drugs."

Alyssandra shrugs him off, huffing. "Fine" she bites back, "It doesn't matter anyway, Jeremy will just find someone else to get him his next hit." she huffs.

Tyler looks at her, sympathetic. "I'll look after him," he says. "I know how much he means to you."

Alyssandra murmurs him thanks, making a move to head back to the cafeteria but-

"Hey," he stops her again. Alyssandra desperately hopes he isn't gonna bring up what happened the last time they were together and, "Jenny wants you to come by her house later." he tells her instead.

"The drummer girl?" she asks in disbelief. Alyssandra folds her arms, "What does she want?"

Tyler gives her a genuine smile, she tries to ignore how cute it looked "Well," he says, "I gave her one of your songs." he admits "She told me she liked it and wanted you to come over."

"Seriously?" Alyssandra’s excitement was evident in her voice. "she wants me to what? Sing it to her or something?"

"I guess so," he agreed. "I can drop you off later after school if you want."

Alyssandra rolled her eyes, "If this is some kind of ploy-"

"It's not" he quickly cut her off. "You write good, you sound good. That's all real."

She finally gives Tyler a smile. He's always been nice to her when it came to music. Before, Tyler was always the first to hear the songs she made and he was always ready to give her his thoughts about it. But then her mind flashbacked to her parent’s funeral, and her stomach once again went up in knots.

"Thanks," she mustered up. "I'll see you after school"

The first thing Aly noticed upon arriving was that the music was obnoxiously loud. Tyler had just dropped her off by Jenny's house, and he tells her to send him a message once they're done so he can give her a ride home. She felt nervous, her heart beating in time with the drums. She had removed her hair tie, letting her hair fall by her shoulders in waves. She adjusted her headband, making a move to fix it up again before-

"You look fine." says a girl's voice. The door had opened, and it revealed a girl who had bright pink hair and a spunky attitude. "Come on in."

Instead of a living room, Alyssandra was greeted up with a studio. The band had stopped playing. It took her a moment to realize they were waiting for her to introduce herself.

"H-hi" she stammered, she cleared her throat "I'm Alyssandra Gilbert, you can call me Aly." There were four of them in the room, five, if you count Alyssandra. They all stood by their instruments, looking as comfortable as she felt she wasn't.

"We know," says one of the guys, by the looks of it the lead guitar. "Sarah-" he calls out, motioning the girl that stood by the piano. "Play her cd."

Alyssandra almost cringed as the familiar strum of her guitar began to play from the stereo. The very first song was one she made from freshman year. She mentally cursed Ty for giving them that song. It was spectacularly cringy.

"You have a nice voice." says Jenny, "and you know how to play with a song. This one" she holds a finger up. "Is really catchy"

Catchy but cringy, she thought.

"How long have you been doing this?" asked the dude, Alyssandra wasn't sure if she saw him around the school. His colored hair and face were unfamiliar. "Name's Nick, by the way."

"I learned how to play the guitar when I was 13," she explained.

The girl by the piano, Sarah, gives her a look. Her hair was dark red, straight, and she had bangs that almost covered her eyes. "How committed are you?" she asks, "If you join us," she says, leaning in "You'll be very busy. Don't you have cheer?"

"I'll have time," Alyssandra answered quickly. She knows how their lead singer had just left their band a few weeks before, having to move. "I'm good at scheduling things." she added.

Nick snorts, "You're on honor roll too, founding daughter.” he said scathingly. “Are you sure you'll have time?"

Alyssandra had to stop herself from glaring at him. She forced out a yes.

"Oh stop it," says the other guitarist, the only one who didn't dye his hair. Alyssandra was glad, she didn't really want to color hers. "Name's Jamie," he tells her. "I think she'll fit in just fine."

"We have a couple of songs we want you to hit up first before anything serious," says Jenny, handing her a note sheet, one that impressed Alyssandra. "And also- Nick’s right, if you do join us we’ll need your commitment."

She nods, taking the paper from Jenny’s hands. "Yeah, sure" she felt herself slightly calming down. Jenny had switched up the player into something else, and by the looks of the lyrics, she's reading the first song they're gonna try out. She listens intently on the tune. Tapping her foot by the beat. Inside, she felt something inside her lighten up and she almost felt giggly.

After a while, Jenny gives her another look. "Ready?" she asks.

Alyssandra nods. She hears Jenny countdown, stopping her hands from shaking, she holds the mic a little tighter. She looks at the markings by her wrist as a last-second effort to calm herself down. Relief passes through her in an instant.

They ended up staying there for a couple of hours. Running down some renditions, letting her sing other songs, letting her sing her songs- the ones that they liked anyways.

Then there they were, all huddled up in a circle. The past few hours had felt exhilarating and fun, leaving a happy smile on her face. At first, she had felt regretful to not join her friends and sister at The Grill but now she realized she had made the right decision. The four were trying to decide if she got in or not, they all looked to each other intently as though they were having a silent conversation.

"You have a nice voice." Nick conceded, he looked at Sarah- "What do you think?"

"Nice?" she echoed, and for a moment Alyssandra's heart freezes "It's great. Honestly, Aly. Your songs are super good too."

"Thanks," Alyssandra replied, her face feeling hot.

It was Jenny who said the final cut. "We'll call you." she says- and before Alyssandra could react she says, "We need some time to think. There are also a few people that we've called that could sing and we wanna hear them out too- you understand, right?"

Alyssandra was nodding all the way through, "Yeah," she said, "definitely. You got my number?"

"We got it from Tyler," Jenny assures her. Alyssandra takes a quick look at Jamie, who has been quiet all throughout. "So that's that-" Jenny continues, standing up. She holds up a hand, which Aly takes. "You need a ride home?"

Alyssandra shook her head. "Ty's picking me up," she says, standing.

"You and Tyler," Jamie finally spoke up, looking at her intently. "You two still together?"

"No," shaking her head again "We never were." She hoped they'd fix their friendship though. Aly missed their late-night hangouts. She gives him a smile, though once she sees the look he's giving her she immediately says; "I'm also not looking into any relationships right now."

Jamie's face falls, "Oh," his face morphed into realization. "Your parents,"

"I don't wanna talk about it." she gets out through the door, a frown on her face. She wasn't about to tell her problems to a stranger. No matter how nice their day had just been.

"Condolences," he said instead, respecting her space.

"Thanks," she answered softly, giving him a warm smile. "You're really good at the guitar back there."

Jamie nods, chuckling. "You're pretty good too," he tells her, "wish everyone knew how to actually make songs."

Alyssandra pouts, "But then I won't be special." she tells him jokingly. They end up talking some more and after a while, Alyssandra realized that Tyler wasn't going by any time soon. Excusing herself from Jamie, she calls Tyler up a couple of times. Angrily cursing when he didn’t answer.

"Typical." she muttered angrily, shoving her phone back to her pocket.

"Need a ride?" Jamie asked, looking sympathetic. Alyssandra sighed.

"I think Ty ditched me, yeah." she grabbed her bag, huffing. She really needed to get her own car somehow.

Later in the comfort of her own house. Aly stared aimlessly at the ceiling, comfortably lying down in her bed. It was already late at night- and she got multiple texts from her friends and Elena to meet up at the Grill- one that she refused in order to rest. The time at Jenny's place tired her, she hasn’t sung out to people since her parent’s funeral, and she'd like to get her nerves relaxed. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep.

She was being chased in a forest, dressed in blue. Her hair was half tied up. She felt fear run deep in her bones, urging her to run even faster. Her breath came in pants, and she felt her heart almost stop when she fell by accident.

A man called up to her, "Tatia," he yelled. Alyssandra felt confused, wondering for a moment what was going on. "Wait!- wait!"

She heard herself speak without her accord. "Stay away from me!" she panicked. Alyssandra stood up immediately.

The man is admittedly gorgeous. He looked sharp. With his jawline and piercing dark eyes. His hair was long and went past his soldiers. Alyssandra felt like she knew him, but she has never seen him in her entire life. His hands were up, presumably to signal that he meant no harm.

"I won't hurt you," he begged. He sounded desperate, sad. A part of her felt pained over the sound of his voice.

Alyssandra gasped, for some reason she wanted to tell him that she believed him but- "What have you become?"

"I'm what I've always been," he tells her, coming closer. But there's something else in his eyes, which slowly bled red. Alyssandra's heart raced- fear clouded her mind. "I'm the one who loves you."

His words made her warm, but at the same time, it churned her heart.

"Your mother asked me for my blood." Alyssandra admitted, "she said nothing about the dark magic that would turn you into a monster!" Aly took a step back once more. The man has his hand held out, silently shaking his head with each of her steps.

"Look at me," he said, "I'm not a mons-" he abruptly stopped, taking a look at her hand. Alyssandra's heart spikes out once more, suddenly scared and protective of the writing on her wrist. She looks, but her hand was wretched in blood. "Tatia" he breathed, taking a step forward.

Her hand moves on its own, slapping him. He backtracked, "I said I won't hurt you." he looked at her, breathing harshly, "I don't-" he tells her.

"Elijah," she begged. The name sent a jolt through her.

"Run."

And so she does, but it doesn't take long for him to catch her. A scream tears through her throat as he takes a bite out of her neck.

Another scream woke her up. She was shaking from head to toe, her bones vibrating on its own. Her heart seemingly wanted to break open her chest, and she had to gasp in order to breathe. Inside her own head, Alyssandra briefly wondered who was sobbing, it took her a moment to realize that it was her.

She stands up, holding up to her desk for support. She felt nauseous. Her dream repeated itself over and over inside her own head. Replaying itself, as though it was permanently ingrained inside. Once again, Aly had an inkling feeling that she had just died.

She quickly made her way to her bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach. She tries her best to calm herself down, her right hand going to her wrist- but when the usual contact of her skin used to soothe her, this time she felt nothing but fear. She regretted ever learning Norse.

Elijah

Alyssandra quickly washed her face, banishing the name from her mind. She took deep breaths instead. Holding down the sink to stop herself from shaking. Once the tears had finally stopped streaming down her face, she made her way downstairs. It was pitch black outside, a quick look at the clock tells her that it was an hour past midnight.

She gets a mug, fully intent on making herself a hot cup of chocolate milk- when she jumps, screaming in surprise at the noise behind her.

"Jesus Christ Alyssandra!"

It was Jeremy. He immediately rushed to her, but it was too late. Alyssandra found herself down near the sink, taking sharp intakes of breath. It squeezed her lungs, and her vision blurred. Without even realizing, Aly ends up babbling everything, wanting to get the pain in her chest gone. From her nightmare, she had just woken up from the one she had the night their parents died.

"I swear-" she gasped out, shaking still- holding unto her brother for dear life. "I swear it felt so real."

It takes a while to calm her down. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he repeatedly ran down his hand through her back in circles.

They both went silent as she drank the contents of her hot drink. The only sound coming in was the harsh breaths that she released every now and then.

"It was a dream." he finally said. "You'll be okay." in a softer tone, pulling her up. Alyssandra stands, burying her head by his shoulder. It registers in her mind that this was the first time they’ve hugged since June.

"It felt so real.”

Jeremy gives her a slight shake, "He's not real." he tells her, Alyssandra notices the bag under his eyes and the taut expression in his face. He looks almost as though he was in pain. Alyssandra felt worse, feeling bad for what just happened. "Nobody is gonna come running to you, alright?"

"Yeah" she nods, looking intently at the mug. Her hands were still shaking.

Jeremy sighed, then held out something. It was a joint.

Alyssandra shakes her head, eyes closing "Jeremy I-"

"It'll calm you down." he sighed, putting it in her hands. "You know it will."

Aly couldn’t help but frown at her brother’s words, staring as he leaves through the door to their backyard. Her mind goes to another time as the scent of the joint reaches the house. Simpler times, better times. She really thought that he should stop, but then again, no one had really gone against her when she started.

Briefly, Aly wondered how she thought that it was different. Aly did them because it was fun, Jeremy did it because it took the pain away. She wondered if she really was a hypocrite.

Alyssandra followed him out the door.

Last Chapter | Next Chapter

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jerejean · 7 years

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Conflicted

Jean considered himself a rational person. He was intelligent, he was considered one of the best college exy players, and he relished in his mean streak when he needed to.

Jeremy threw all of that out the window with one smile.

It was an early morning practice when Jean first recognised that this was going to be a problem. He had never been a great morning person, and sleep still clung to him even as he geared up. Luckily, most of the Trojans seemed particularly slow that morning; they had all attended a party thrown for the sports teams the night before, and some of them had gotten fabulously drunk. Jean had just sat and watched them. Jeremy, however, was the exception to this tiredness. He had no sign of a hangover and was currently bouncing around the locker room, chatting happily with his teammates, who winced at the noise but gave him answers with a smile. By the time he reached Jean, he was glowing.

“I think we're the only ones who haven't thrown up in the last couple of hours,” He announced. Jean raised an eyebrow. “We might have to pull some extra weight today.”

“I always have to do that.” Jean mumbled, and Jeremy simply laughed.

Jean had indented for the conversation to be over at that point and turned away, batting his curls out of his eyes.

“I think it's time for a haircut.” Jeremy teased, and took a gentle hold on one of the curls, tugging at it until it was straight and then letting it go, watching it bounce back into place. Jean looked over at him, surprised, and was even more surprised to note the quiet, fond smile the other man was wearing. Jean wasn't used to this smile, and his heart fluttered in his chest. He frowned. “But who knows, you're pulling it off.”

And with that, Jeremy left like nothing monumental had just happened.

Jean was fucked.

Jean never got less fucked the more time he spent with Jeremy. He wasn't used to liking people. He was used to holding back violent words, picking himself up with no support, and cleaning blood, but he wasn't used to liking people. And he supposed he liked all of the Trojans. But he liked Jeremy too much. It was going to become a problem if Jean didn't stamp it down, but he didn't know how. Or if he wanted to.

Every Sunday night, Jeremy invited a few people over to his dorm room for dinner. He would have a group of random Trojans over, but a few people were there every week. Laila, Alvarez, and Jean were the only ones always invited. Jean still wasn’t sure why he was on that list, but the stupid part of him was glad for it, because it meant he got to spend more time with Jeremy.

“I got Chinese!” Jeremy announced loudly, barging through the door with his hands clutching large brown bags. “Jean, help!”

Jean rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the bags, setting it down on the floor next to Alvarez. She began to dig it immediately, passing one of the containers to Laila. She opened it and pretended to gag, passing it to a freshman goalkeeper named Harry, who grinned. Jeremy sat down next to Jean and passed him the second bag. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I just threw a few extra things in there.”

“I’ve never had Chinese.” Jean said, wrinkling his nose as he looked through the bag, taking everything out as he did so. He ignored the offended noise that probably came from Laila. He finally picked some sort of rice dish, not feeling particularly daring at the moment.

Everyone chatted around Jean over dinner. He normally stayed pretty silent during these things, but no one ever seemed to mind. They always seemed to welcome whatever he said, pleased he was talking, but they never made him do it. It pissed him off, how kind they all were.

After a while though, Jeremy invited Jean to the conversation with a question. “How do you like Chinese food?”

“It’s alright.” Jean said, shrugging.

Jeremy nodded to himself. “Okay. We’ll get you something else next time.”

Jean’s permanent frown etched itself deeper onto his face. “What?”

“You don’t like it. Next time we want Chinese, I can grab you something else real quick.”

Jean hated this. He didn’t know what to do with kindness. His brain seemed to short circuit, and he couldn’t come up with something to say to that. He should protest it. He should say that no, he does like the Chinese food. He should be ashamed that he’s causing a problem. He should be cowering in the corner. He should be angry. He should-

Jean wasn’t sure what emotion he should be feeling right now.

Alvarez slapped him on the side of the head, and Jean jumped a mile before glaring at her. She didn’t seem to care. “Just say thank you, Jean. It isn’t a big deal. Jeremy does it for me when we get Indian.”

Jean nodded, knowing how to handle an order. “Thank you, Jeremy.” He said robotically. Jeremy’s lips were pressed tight, but he nodded and accepted Jean’s answer. In turn, Jean went back to his rice and didn’t say anything for the rest of the night.

Being alone with Jeremy was the hardest thing. There was no one to distract him from the smiling and kind eyes, and Jean usually had to resist the urge to run away or break something. If Jeremy noticed, he never said anything about it, because he was Jeremy.

They were back in the locker room, and everyone else had already cleared out. Jean was having a bad day, both in his head and in his exy. He had let players push past him that had never even gotten close before, and the coach had even started to scold him, until he saw the wild panicked look in his player’s eyes. He knew that Jeremy was still in here with him because he wanted to talk. Jean didn’t want to talk, though. He didn’t know why he was still in here.

“How’re you doing, Jean?” Jeremy asked, sitting down on the bench and lightly pulling Jean down with him. His eyes were kind, and Jean felt like he was going to vomit.

“Fine.” He answered.

Jeremy scooted a little closer so he could bump their shoulders together. “It’s okay if you’re not doing fine. We aren’t Ravens. I’m not going to be upset with you.”

“I’m fine.” He answered.

“You just weren’t playing like yourself today.”

“I’m fine, Jeremy.” Jean snapped, and stood up. Jeremy remained seated. Jean wanted to leave. He wanted to stay. He wanted to be alone. Being alone was his biggest fear. He sat back down and spoke in a much weaker voice. “I want to be fine.”

“It isn’t that easy. But you’ve been doing so great lately.” Jeremy soothed, hesitating before beginning to rub circles on Jean’s back. He couldn’t help but relax under the touch.

“I’m sad,” Jean whispered, and it was the most vulnerable he had ever felt, like he had just cut himself open.

Jeremy didn’t hesitate this time and pulled Jean into a tight hug. Jean didn’t hesitate either, quieting the part of his brain that he hated and hugging the other man back. They were practically crushing each other. Jean hadn’t felt this safe since Renee gripped her knives for his sake.

Neither was sure how long they stayed there.

Jeremy waited until well into Jean’s second year at USC before he kissed him.

They were alone again. It had been happening more and more, and it still made Jean’s heart flutter. There weren’t always reasons for it. Sometimes Jeremy just wanted to hang out, and Jean could count on his hands the number of times he didn’t allow that. This time, they were just laying in Jeremy’s dorm room, some Disney movie playing in the background. Jean was supposed to be watching it, but it was kind of hard to do that when he could watch Jeremy out of the corner of his eye instead.

In one quick motion, Jeremy flipped himself so that he was on his side and facing Jean. He stared for what felt like an extremely long moment, and Jean stared right back. He wasn’t sure if he was inviting whatever was to come or if he was challenging it.

“I’m going to kiss you, if that’s okay.” Jeremy said, and waited until Jean nodded to move forward and do it.

It was too long and too short of a kiss at the same time. It threatened to melt Jean’s insides, it threatened to set him on fire. It saved him and destroyed him. It was sickeningly gentle, and Jean exploded when Jeremy caught one of Jean’s curls and tugged at it. Jean shook under the weight of perfection.

Jeremy pulled back, and Jean could see the hope brewing in his eyes. “Was that okay? Are you okay? You’re shaking.”

Jean nodded like his life depended on it. Maybe it did. “Yes. Yes, that was okay.”

Jeremy smiled, and for once, Jean smiled back.

#jerejean #the foxhole court #tfc #aftg #jean moreau #jeremy knox #fic #mine

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romancevsreality-blog · 6 years

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bachelor in paradise, season five, episode one: do not trust anyone with a permanent smile on their face

I can’t believe we’re back here again.

By “back here”, I mean literally sitting in my bed, drinking an enormous iced coffee, and wondering where we all went wrong in life. And by “back here”, I mean Fuck Island: The Battle For Social Humiliation. Hi, I’m Amanda, the lead blogger and the laziest person on the face of the earth, back again, two weeks late, recapping the fifth season of Bachelor in Paradise, the actual worst show on television.

Up until last year, I firmly fell into the opposite camp - I thought Bachelor in Paradise deserved a god damn Peabody Award for The Audacity Of Being On Television. But after the Corinne and Demario crash-and-burn-and-pay-them-to-keep-quiet1 of 2017, the show kind of left a gross taste in my mouth. And following the Defense Against Criticism of Racist and Sexist Behavior, or the most recent season of The Bachelorette, I’m losing hope in humanity. It wasn’t fun to talk about anymore, it just made me angry.

I still hate these people, but now I want to slam my keyboard again and remind them what the fuck is up. So welcome back to Fuck Island, Y'all!

The episode opens with reminding us of Jade And Tanner, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Two Years Ago In Paradise And Married On TV Early Last Year and Then Had A Baby, Remember Them? as well as the new Paradise SuperCouple, Evan And Carly, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Last Year In Paradise And Married On TV Last Year and Then Had A Baby Too, Remember Them? They’re determined to make us forget Marcus and Lacy, too, because their marriage was a sham and apparently Lacy straight up ghosted Marcus, but also, that story is still hilarious.

Oh, Marcus. Marcus should come back on Paradise and get his Nick Viall edit.

So let’s go over the opening credits, shall we?

They’re still using the poor cover of “Almost Paradise” because someone on this series refuses to buy the real version -this show has a budget of $100. We get shots of the guys in the water, people on speedboats, people making out, all the girls running in their bathing suits… and first up is Jordan, laying on his side like a washed-up beach whale struggling to breathe. Kendall is looking at what is her best option for a romantic partner, the skull of a bull. I don’t know who Angela is. Eric dances like he’s your favorite cousin at your great aunt’s 88th birthday party. Chris is not even worth acknowledging because he’s awful and I wish the wave that washed over him drowned him. They put Tia in a red, white, and blue bathing suit because she thinks she’s America’s sweetheart. These people could write a book on subtlety. Krystal throws... glitter? Kevin leans into that “sexy firefighter” thing, an occupation I have never found to be sexually appealing. Can someone in the comments explain why there are “sexy firefighters” and not like, “sexy restaurant managers”? Bibiana has a new haircut and drops a mic because we love unexplained jokes that only make sense later on in the episode when we see the source. MY BOYFRIEND WILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Astrid holds up some melons and I love her bathing suit so I will refrain from calling her Astird for now. Grocery Store Joe can straight up get it. Nysha looks like my friend Rae’s sister and clearly is too good for this show. David’s clearly recovered from his Bachelorette season injury but he just looks untrustworthy. Annaliese, who no one remembers, is freaking out about a bird? KENNY who we don’t deserve does an amazing backflip and Chelsea holds a glass. Nick, who I am strangely attracted to, particularly in that track suit because he reminds me of Jeremy Renner is a weird melted down kind of way, shows us what’s under that track suit and damn. DAAAAAMN, Waxy Jeremy Renner. And then finally, Venmo John counts his pesos and god, I love him.

Oh, and my Ex-Boyfriend Wills and Mortal Enemy, Chris Harrison are in Sayulita, too. Mexico, I am so sorry.

Chris Harrison pretends like he’s setting up the island area where these contestants are going to be hanging out. Chris Harrison doesn’t know how to hold a rake, let alone operate one, and why is he raking sand?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! I am most uncomfortable with seeing Chris Harrison barefoot. That feels far too intimate from a man I despise. Anyway, they’re going to remind us of who these people are.

First up is Kendall, the Not Like the Other Girls Girl from Arby’s season. Kendall is different! She likes dead stuff and the most annoying instrument[^2] and loves posing on the beach in a bikini. Next is Kenny, who’s still hurting from his breakup with Rachel. We get to see McKenzie, his 11-year-old daughter, and I’m FULL OF EMOTIONS. Kevin Is Canadian and immediately reveals that Ashley I cheated on him with Jared. I love that. Throw that shade, Canadian Kevin. Krystal is also back, and she wants the world to know that she’s a good cook, including able to frost an angel food cake. Chris is back and he’s totally trying to Josh Murray himself and redeem his image from Becca’s season. Oh, Chris. You’re on the wrong show for that. He calls himself The Goose, and I already know that’s the “do the damn thing” of this season.

[^2] I will fight anyone on the ukelele being an annoying instrument. I get it, it’s cultural, but it’s unfortunately been appropriated by a certain sect of people and I’m annoyed by THAT mostly. Why can’t they just play the banjo? Or the trombone?

Speaking of birds, David the Chicken who doesn’t like avocados is back with his long-ass eyebrows. He lives at home in Boca Raton with his mom, because David is a catch. Unfortunately, he can’t marry his mom, but he’s coming to paradise to come after Jordan. Jordan’s got a full arsenal of looks to wear and roasting of Chicken David to do in Paradise. Annaliese is remembered for her bumper car trauma and fear of dogs and pretty much everything. She’s afraid of redheads, sand, sombreros, birds, large bodies of water, so... an island in Mexico is perfect for her. My Queen Bibiana is there for her third Bachelor series in six months and she’s just ready for all bikinis and hoping her ass slaughters al the men. Me too, Bibi. I love you. My Boyfriend Wills also shows us his sartorial choices of the season, and he’s ready to loosen up. Have his eyes always been that green? God. He’s like Smoky Robinson.

Ugh, Tia. Tia gets the longest of the opening montages because they want to torture us all. The only thing I like about Tia is that fact that TIa is thirsty as hell and not afraid to show her disappointment. Openly sad about Becca as The Bachelorette. Coming in twice to piss on Colton’s leg on The Bachelorette. Saying “I’m only here for Colton.” Tia is obvious about what it is she wants and we hate her for it. Because she’s thirsty.

Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, welcome to Fuck Island, where the people are heading in. The first in is Tia, who is like MY JOURNEY MY JOURNEY MY JOURNEY!!!! This is her chance to pretend she’s The Bachelorette. She’s the first person to arrive and her new fake boobs are on display. She’s like, “the person who comes down the stairs could be my partner,” and the next person is Eric, who looks like a mascot. Kendall arrives “open to love” because Kendall isn’t like the other girls.

Next down is Jordan, clearly long enough for the three of them to get drinks. Jordan’s happy to be in a place as beautiful as he is. Tia makes mention of Jordan’s villain edit on his season and Jordan’s like, “sometimes it’s best to know someone before judging them.” Bibi comes down and makes a joke to Chris Harrison about the bumpy road to Paradise and how much her uterus hurts. It’s not a great joke. Is it a joke? Yes. Bibiana arrives as a flamboyant ball of fire and I love her. Jordan and Bibi have something, but Bibi is waiting for the real sign of a good guy. It's never coming, Bibi. Men are trash.

God, Grocery Store Joe, my mumble-mouthed handsome Chicago man, arrives ready to fall in love and doesn’t want to get home straight away again. That’s his main goal. Next is in My Boyfriend Wills, who immediately comes face to face with My Ex-Boyfriend Wells, who managed to maintain his job as bartender despite not knowing how to bartend. How White Man of him. No wonder we broke up. Chelsea comes in, looking pretty much just like Krystal, and all the guys jump on her. Chelsea is a hot mom. Kendall and GroStoJoe talk about picnics, and Joe’s like, “I’m not a picnic kind of person,” while Kendall is like “I like to have picnics in graveyards.” Kendall asks if Joe has ever seen a dead person, and it’s all... yeah. Stop it, Kendall.

Chris, my worst nightmare, shows up in some salmon pink shorts and I’m gagging. All the contestants are waiting to see who’s arriving next, and they all hope it’s not Krystal. Particularly Tia and Bibiana, who both say she’s a bad person. Krystal arrives and the dramatic music starts. Welcome to paradise, Y'all. Krystal talks about the stress of The Bachelor on her, but she can recognize that Chris shares part of her name. Tia is literally like “I’m happy she’s here, but I want to kill her.” Krystal has some bass in her voice and is speaking like a normal person, not with that weird lilt to her she was pulling off all Arby’s season. Kendall’s worried someone’s going to be interested in both her and Krystal and so of course, Joe goes after Krystal first.

Canadian Kevin, Waxy Jeremy Renner, and Venmo John all arrive. Of course, Kendall is about John because “I’m a sucker for nerds.” Kendall really isn’t like the other girls. Nysha, one of the girls from Arby’s season who we barely knew arrives, and so does Angela, whoever the hell Angela is. Who is Angela? Angela is gorgeous but man, I have no idea who she is. Our Favorite Dad Kenny arrives and McKenzie refuses to let him come back if he doesn’t have someone. I love this show. Kenny is talking to Nysha, but Astird walks in and I already know I’m going to get her and Angela confused.

Tia keeps looking over everyone’s shoulders in hopes that Colton is coming down the stairs. She thinks she’s being slick about it, but everyone notices and it’s hilarious. Annaliese comes down in her Romwe romper and Jordan immediately tells her he’s interested, attracted, and he’s known for being arrogant form his season. David arrives and Jordan immediately freezes up. Someone calls out “Jordan, David’s here!” and they’re expecting drama to go down between them. It doesn’t, Jordan and David have a handshake and David walks away. It’s just awkward. Tia’s bummed that David’s the last entry and Colton, in fact, will not be arriving that day. Everyone’s like “MOVE ON TIA” and Tia’s conflicted on what she wants out of Colton, it seems.

Chris Harrison comes in and tells them the rules - there are more women than men this week, and the guys aren’t safe this week. They need to pair up ASAP or else they won’t get the chance to be the next Jade And Tanner, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Two Years Ago In Paradise And Married On TV Early Last Year and Then Had A Baby, Remember Them? or Evan And Carly, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Last Year In Paradise And Married On TV Last Year and Then Had A Baby Too, Remember Them?

The girls are ecstatic that they have control, except Tia. Tia’s mad she’s going to have to talk to someone other than Colton, even though she’s safe that week. God, I hate her. Joe and Tia sit down and Joe’s getting his flirt on and getting his camera time. He’s making up for lost time, apparently. Colton immediately comes up and you can tell Joe barely remembers Colton. But Tia talks about how she had a “relationship” with Colton before his time on Becca’s season of La Bachelorette and they haven’t spoken since. Joe would want to give his date card to Tia, but he can tell Tia’s not over Colton.

Colton, Colton, Colton.

Tia, the only person who didn’t want a date card, gets a date card. The producers want to torture her. She actually yells “NO!!!” when her name is on the card, and I agree with Bibiana - she needs to be open to her options and she’s super upset at the idea. She literally said “I came here o find something serious and lasting with Colton,” a guy she went on two dates with once a few months ago. This is such alarming behavior. Everyone’s upset by Tia but they’re all pretending it’s okay.

Tia really confirms her trash taste by choosing Chris for her date card.

Joe’s like, “I’m disappointed,” but everyone is like “dude, bullet dodged.” Krystal is thrilled Joe wasn’t picked by Joe until Joe takes Kendall aside for some private time. Kendall and Joe are cute and talk about storms and they like each other and make out on one of the day beds. Kendall’s mom warned her about making out on one of the day beds, and here we are day one!!!!! Krystal, meanwhile, is just baffled by the entire idea of Joe and Kendall. Joe isn’t the guy for her, it’s confirmed.

So it’s nighttime, and we have a few connections already made - Joe and Kendall, Annaliese and Venmo John, and David thinks Angela is in his league2. But that’s it - a few people have been left behind and ignored, and we see a great awkward conversation between Nysha and Jordan. In the wake of Joe and Kendall hooking up, Krystal’s interested in Kevin, who isn’t nearly as hot everyone wants us to think. He looks like a rough draft of a person. They both talk about how hot the other is and they make out on another of the day beds. Gross3.

Chelsea, one of the most beautiful women this franchise has ever had, is on the couch with Wax Jeremy Renner, and he’s way into her. He doesn’t care that she’s a mom, he’s super into that and thinks he’d make a great role model. He’s super attracted to Chelsea, too and continues to be like “man, I would make out with you if you wanted to,” but she starts feeling sick. Chelsea is my queen. The other contestants talk about Tia and Chris’s date and how it’s unfair because Tia has unfinished business with a guy who’s not even there. Astird is correct in saying Tia probably should have given her date card away rather than go out with someone she was only interested in until someone else comes in.

As if Tia would ever give up the chance to be on camera.

Tia and Chris sit down to dinner that they’re not really going to eat, and Chris is shocked he’s even out with Tia. Tia brings up Colton first, and basically says “I’m here because I want to be here with you.” Chris is thrilled and is in Paradise to hang out with people he wouldn’t necessarily hang around. They both want to leave Paradise with a real relationship. They continue to cut back to the villa, where My Boyfriend Wills and Astird both think that Chris and Tia will have a fun date, even if it is a platonic one. But it doesn’t matter, because they both make out while fireworks go off!

Tia’s like “Colton Who?” Which is such a mature response and a clear indicator of where her mind is?

The next morning, Tia and Chris are all lovey-dovey and kissing, and everyone’s excited for them, which is why Colton’s arriving now. Production needs to take a class in subtlety because they even add the “thunder crashing” and “ominous clouds” videos, even though it’s gorgeous when Chris Harrison talks to Colton, who you know not to trust because he is permanently smiling. Colton tells Chris Harrison he’s not there just for Tia, but his world is open. He has a date card (barf). Colton arrives and immediately Chris is set off course and Tia is smiling like the Cheshire fucking cat. She can’t even pretend not to be over the moon. She fully expects Colton’s date card to go to her an- Colton takes Kendall aside first. Everyone’s like “him not grabbing Tia is a signal.” Kendall tells Tia and gets the deets, and everyone thinks it’s awkward to not grab Tia first. Chris, meanwhile, is spiraling, and he’s terrified Tia is going to go out with Colton.

I mean, Tia’s going to go out with Colton. That was written in First Corinthians. Poor Angela, though. I mean that in the “it hurts now but you dodged a bullet” way.

Chelsea, Nysha, and Angela are all hoping that this date will at least come out with some solid “yes-or-no” on the Tia and Colton situation. Jordan says this is Chris’s Vietnam. It’s a weak metaphor. Astrid and Wax Jeremy Renner HATE Colton. Wax Jeremy Renner calls Colton a “fame chaser”, and Astird thinks that Colton just likes having Tia on the back burner in case something else doesn’t turn out. Fuck Colton.

Tia and Colton talk about their first date from six months ago, where they basically spent a weekend together. Like, two dates. That’s it. Tia’s hoping they can recreate that weekend in Paradise, but this is an extra AF reaction for TWO dates. Chelsea also hates Colton, because he can’t figure it out - is he there to date Tia and fuck the “I’m open to everyone here” idea, or is be big enough of a dick to date other girls in front of Tia? Either way, he looks like a dick. Colton brings up what Tia did to make Becca send Colton home, and Colton is still pissed. Like, he’s trying to pretend like he’s not, but he’s still super mad because apparently he was in love with Becca and Tia got in the way of that.3 Tia is sorry if he feels like he missed out, but she didn’t want to miss out on her opportunity to get a chance to be with him. Colton doesn’t know what’s there or what could be there with Tia, but he mostly just wants to be on television. Tia wants to know if he feels like there’s something possible between them because she can’t get him out of her head. Colton gives the most nothingburger answer, like “I don’t know, I want to be fair to everyone, I’m not closing the door on this, I’m here to figure out my stuff and be on tv and hopefully become The Bachelor.” Tia doesn’t take this as “Okay, let’s both play the field” like Colton probably intended it to, she just thinks that’ll make him try harder. They go out on a speedboat and then they have a make-out session.

Tia talks on and on about her feelings for Colton, and we never once hear from him. I know that’s on purpose. What Colton is doing is dangerous, and really shouldn’t happen. Just tell someone you’re not interested. That’s it. Back at the villa, Jordan, Chris, and Wax Jeremy Renner are plotting to confront Colton. They all know he’s there to be on television and he isn’t interested in Tia. Kendall and Joe can’t be bothered and don’t understand why they’re bothered, either. The guys are white knighting Tia and they’re hoping they’re going to get to confront him. The two of them have a scarlet letter on them, and they both need to come to terms with it because they’re killing the vibe in paradise.

To be continued...

Next Time: The greatest summer in Bachelor History! Everyone is making out with everyone! Krystal is in love! Hot people on the beach! YUUUKIIIIIIIIIIII1!! Ugh, Leo vs. Joe? Clearly, I’m on one side over the other. Jenna ignites the feud between Jordan and David. Ugh, gross, that gross guy Kamil. Oh my god, Shushanna is back?! Shushanna “Shut up 5s, a 10 is speaking” Russian girl has been accused of being a witch, so I already am on her team. Colton tears. Eye roll. Tia tears. I don’t care. Ben Higgins yells about being unlovable, and gross, Arby is there. ROBB(IE???) WHY???? All of the Bachelor and Paradise alums we don’t care about! Tears!

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Okay, this is the best collective group of Paradise alums we’ve had since the first one. Fight me. It’s a bunch of nothing contestants plus a few notable ones.

I love Bibiana and I love Chelsea and I love Astrid. They all else can go in the garbage.

I don’t know if I can handle six weeks of Colton talk and sociopath smiles.

... I really hate those braids on My Boyfriend Wills. Sorry, Wills.

I’m already adorning my tin foil hat here, but Y'all can’t tell me Corinne and Demario didn’t accept a hefty settlement in exchange for The Powers That Be to do whatever they want. ↩︎

David really is a permanent wingman and that is not a compliment. ↩︎

Or, really, Tia was brought in by production to give Becca an excuse to eliminate Colton before Fantasy Suites so she wouldn’t get screamed at by America for eliminating the virgin in the Fanty Sweets. Tinfoil hats abound over here. ↩︎ ↩︎

#bachelor in paradise

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