#i know my dad wont be disappointed when i tell him a wedding is a no no for me

[un-pearable]

okay. s6 thoughts. you can pinpoint the part where my heart breaks right at the beginning of the season

i have to say though i was pleasantly surprised at how decent jay/naya was at like the 2/3rds way point of the season and onwards when its just them. like as you can tell i am not particularly fond of the way the writers attempt romance. but either way all i ask for is that jay/naya doesnt get any more drama. since i can never win with shipping in this series im not counting on it, but a girl can dream.

anyways i think its really kind of weird how all naya wanted this arc was some agency and then she... didnt even get to significantly contribute to ending the djinn. like man the only reason jay's wish got made was because she was dying for man pain. the irony is almost too much. but i digress

i simultaneously like and dislike jay's final wish bc i dislike that nya had to die and also that it undoes the whole season (except for jay and naya for some reason (????? like why does nobody else remember this. actually scratch that ive given up trying to understand how the djinn wishes work)) but i also like it because the way its presented feels like. i dont know. complete? rounded? its really weird. also fun fact im pretty sure i saw the final episode of this season and like none of the rest of it other than maybe the episode where the ninja go to jail. the wonders of cable tv

it is really terribly unfortunate, btw, that the only darker skinned character in the whole show is a rapist. i really dont like that i really dont like that at all.

in other news, zane continues to get nerfed by the writers by things outside his control because otherwise he'd be too powerful. they nerfed him when he took control of the team last season and they nerfed him again with the djinn wishes. i STILL dont understand how he deleted pixal. it makes no sense he just. did that (??????) and they didnt even try to explain

speaking of djinn lore that doesnt make sense to me, i still dont understand why he didnt just marry anybody on his ship and then wish them to be his girlfriend. like idk man that seems so much more simple.

i am also terribly terribly TERRIBLY disappointed we didnt get a "STOP THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" like for real what is Even The Point. whyd you even bother doing this at all. the answer is so that we could get jay/naya but man its not even explained how getting married gives him all those powers. just because. the other person doesnt even have to CONSENT and it works ????? somehow ????????? actually speaking of if she doesnt have to consent. whyd we even bother going through all this at all when she gets captured way earlier. man the lore of this season is just a mess.

im not gonna lie i really dont like the fact that zane's dad made a replacement for him. not even like a different kid its literally just zane 2.0 despite the fact that both of them are sentient and, yknow. people. that would, however, be a very interesting subplot to explore re: zane's identity as a robot but unfortunately we wont be getting that bc i dont think this show likes what i like very much. also very sad that the other zane, who is still a person btw, is gonna be trapped in that lighthouse for the rest of time.

also really really funny that old lloyd looks like a garmadon clone. reminded me of something my friend who i am liveblogging my ninjago revival to said like 3 days ago

anyways watch them give lloyd a girlfriend and watch me tear my hair out as the ninjago writers continue to curse me with their attempts at romance. im also like 40% sure a time travel arc is coming up soon but maybe im remembering wrong. guess we shall Wait And See.

also unrelated but i have to say the djinn response to a wish being "your wish is yours to keep" instead of "your wish is my command" is honestly pretty epic. i do love that.

also. a . question. are we.... are we ever going to get back to the fact that jay's bio dad is (presuming hes still alive. well i guess at the point the season leaves off he is but still you get the idea) a world famous actor and dumped his son off at a junkyard despite being fabulously wealthy and then named said son as his heir without ever contacting him (????????????????) please tell me we're going back to that. please. who the heck is his bio mom. many questions no answers.

so, my wishes for the next season: no love drama please i am on my hands and knees i am begging i am pleading no more romance. give me a break dear writers please. um other than that i was talking to previously mentioned friend earlier and i was like "well im pretty sure garmadon is coming back because if theres one thing this show hates its letting go of its cast" and she said that he comes back in an extremely mediocre way and thinks i will be mad so. that. is a thing i am . well i want to see him again but im also not so sure i want to see him again with this new information. so theres that. um i want more team interactions as always. i want people hanging out and being friends. i also want bad alt outfits. im a simple lady honestly

(preface: my infinite apologies for not getting this till now my life is a disaster rn. i am GREATLY enjoying these)

the immediate turnaround.... yeahhh. i'm a filthy early seasons stan and boy does it become very clear the more seasons they get that the struggle between the writer's cool ideas and their ability to execute them is constant and ongoing (and largely losses). im pretty sure s6 had some notoriously bad crunch too and it definitely shows

kudos to them for finally getting their one-on-one dynamic down bc it can be REALLY fun when used to its full potential but the majority of the time nya gets nerfed and its the biggest loss ever. theres so much to do with your deconstruction of the damsel how dare they fuck it up so many times 😔 dangers of an ever growing cast but cmon

i can do nothing but agree with your complex feelings on the ending bc its both incredibly frustrating and incredibly fitting. the racial implications of this show only get more,, concerning. as time goes on so tragically yeah. yeah. fuckin hell lego

zane king of my heart. the cornerstone of the team my tag is loadbearing nindroid for good reason. you are constantly correct

!!! yes!!! the one thing that could have made that entire plot line (slightly) more comedic than uncomfortable. literally nothing about this season has logic that makes sense even within JUST this season its terrible its great.

i can't even comment on the echo zane stuff its just baffling to me they don't ever use it. fucking WILD thing to make canon and then never bring it up again dear god. both intriguing implications for dr. julien's.... everything and completely squandered opportunity to actually get into robot storylines again which are 80% of the reason i watched the show. eternally crossing my fingers that those rumors about the villains are true bc dear god does julien get more fucked up the more you think about him. (preboot) chuck and dr julien are the same archetype stop making connections brain. that is a negative statement they're both well meaning but fucked up. and self flagellating for the wrong reasons

oHHH yeah. the familial symbolism in this series is like a drug to me i can't get enough of it. approaching lloyd and garmadon as the same core traits just with vastly different circumstances... ninjago has fascinating implications for the nature vs nurture debate ill leave it at that

it is!!! its cool as hell.

everything about jay is fascinating to me he has as many bonkers decisions behind his existence as lloyd does only he's supposed to be The Normal Guy so it loops back around. untapped comedic potential in him being wealthy enough to subsidize their entire crimefighting lifestyle but being too traumatized to explain why. the larry butz of ninjago.

#i... actually have not watched past this season bc my partner was Busy but Oh am I looking forward to this #as far as i know from fandom osmosis Oh you're in for a time garmadon wise. getting pedantic about resurrections is. fun #this kid deserves such a break. let lloyd be not the main character for a while. let kai do it again it was funny as hell #you!! are the most correct. character dynamics and funny outfits what else is this series for if not that. i need to get to the digital sea #son so bad i need an excuse to hunt down their goofy ass avatars #thrilled by later seasons zane getting to abuse his internet connection for comedy though. good for him imo im interested to see your takes #again so so so sorry its chaos time for me bc classes are starting. greatly appreciating these my inbox is always open if you've got tea #text✨ #ninjago #why do all my comments on jay end up comparing him to another universe's Normal GuyTM. stole the guys name and can't even give him a rest #asdjfkadsjkf #liveninjablogging

[ameperdv]

weddings are overrated

#wja3 rass #waste of money #brsnl #i know my dad wont be disappointed when i tell him a wedding is a no no for me

[doof-doofblog]

"What Do I Get?" ...  "Me!"

Friday 11th September 2020

Good evening everyone! So sorry for the late post, I was away from my laptop over the weekend and I've only had now to catch up with Friday's episode! I've decided that tomorrow I will do two posts, one following up tonight's episode and obviously the second one following Tuesday's episode! I want to make sure my blog is up date as much as possible. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend.

Let's look back at the episode in hand, you will remember that Thursday's episode ended with Vinny attacking Martin in the Minute Mart after he was caught fleeing from Ruby's club. The episode started exactly where the last one finished off, Martin is lying on the floor unconscious, poor Vinny is worried and panicking about what he has just done, he calls his brother Jags for help! How is Vinny going to get himself out of this?!

Back at the Vic, Ian has just poured his heart out to Sharon, revealing that he has fallen in love with her, and he's adamant that she feels the same way about him. To his devastation, she admits that she loves him as a dear friend and as someone she trusts, but not in the way he is thinking. Poor Ian so confused, I'm sure he's feeling completely taken aback, especially after the lies Dotty filled his head with. Ian states to Sharon that she gave him all sorts of looks and signs and signals that that was how she felt about him, but I think it comes to the realisation that he accidentally misread them. Sharon assures him that nothing needs to change and they can still carry on how things are, but to Ian's dismay, he feels as though everything has changed between them now - how can he carry on living with her knowing she doesn't feel the same way about him?!

At the Atkins household, we last saw Gray approach Chantelle about her wedding ring. He is unaware that she pawned it so she could get some money to get away. She's come up with the story to tell him that the stone in the ring had come lose, so she's going to have it fixed. He is constantly questioning her, asking her why she hadn't told him in the first place, he lunges at her a smacks the table in a rage. Softly, out of fear, she says she'll have the ring back in a few days and she also questions him back - Asking him whether he thinks she took it off because she's fallen out of love with him? Only his snide comment back is "Can you blame me?!" ... As they're trying to talk things through, their daughter Mia walks into the room, nearly giving away Chantelle's escape plan. Chantelle tries to swerve Gray off the suspicion and says she'll take the children out for the afternoon while he does his work at home. Gray then goes into Chantelle's bag, takes out her purse and car keys and gives her only a £10 note to spend and says "The should be more than enough!" - he walks away with her purse and car keys, leaving her with no choice but to come back home!

Back at the Minute Mart, Vinny is waiting for his brother, only for his Mother, Suki, to walk in. She sees Martin lying on the floor and begins to ask questions. She tells him that he needs to flee and act as if he wasn't there and doesn't know a thing. Jags follows behind her, she tells him they all need to get their story straight and instructs Jags to wipe the CCTV. Whatever the plan Vinny and Ruby had, Ruby doesn't want to go ahead with it anymore, she's seen phoning Vinny claiming it was a mistake! Could they both be in big trouble for what they were going to do?! Is Martin going to realise who it was he chased and ended up being attacked by? What I also want to know is, what does Suki have anything to do with the situation? Why is she getting involved? I've said it before and I'll say it again - i'm convinced there's much more to the Panesar family that we haven't seen yet. I'm really intrigued to see if we'll find out anymore about their past and why they came to Walford!

Callum is still clearly feeling disappointed in Ben for lying to him. Ben is pleading for Callum to help him and his Dad and asks him to try and get the CCTV footage of him wiped. Callum scoffs and can't believe what his boyfriend is asking of him, Callum has worked hard to get where he is in the Police, how could his partner ask him to jeopardise his career? Callum states to Ben that all he cares about is himself and his Dad, he always seems to come second best. What relationship are they going to have when it's all based on lies?! Callum leaves leaving Ben looking guilty, worried and panicked. Is this another bump in the road that Ballum will be able to overcome?

Back over at The Vic, Dotty decides to make an appearance, even though she's not welcomed with smiles. Sharon immediately tells her to leave but Dotty can't help but make fun of Ian. Acting with pride and sarcasm, asking him if he really believed that Sharon actually loved him. Ian just bows his head in embarrassment, for a split second there is silence as the locals listen in and react to what they've just heard. Max, who is sat on the other side of the room, tells Ian to just ignore her as Dotty leaves with a smug grin on her face. I think it's then that Ian realises he's been made a fool of and been lead to believe something which isn't true. Everyone is sticking up for him, Sharon and Max are all saying that Dotty is just talking rubbish - even though part of me is thinking that Max isn't going to be best buddies with Ian when he realises that Ian bought the Vic with his share of the restaurant. Later on upstairs, Ian is packing his things away, Sharon is trying to persuade him that nothing has to change and that he can stay, but Ian is having none of it - he blames her for leading him on, being too intimate and being with each other over lock-down. Sharon apologises deeply for giving her friend the wrong impression but she can't seem to realise that she's done anything wrong - which to be fair, she hasn't - I'm sure she thought Ian was there for her just out of support and for genuinely being a good friend. Ian then confesses "I bought you a pub!" - that was another reason he bought it for her, because he loved her! It's only then Sharon realises that his feelings for her really do run deep!

Meanwhile, Ruby has been trying to get hold of Martin, she noticed Vinny from across the Square and he shoots off. Ruby then looks down the Square to see an ambulance, as she gets closer, she realises it's Martin lying in the back of it. She rushes to be at his side. Suki tells her not to worry and that she was the one who called the ambulance. As Ruby looks on worryingly, Ash approaches her Mum and asks her what has happened. Suki then instructs her quietly, as she looks over Ash's shoulder in the distance to the Police, to say that Vinny was with her all day if anyone asks her any questions. Ash looks confused but then as she looks behind her to see the police, she understands she needs to do as her Mum tells her.

At home, Ben is waiting for Callum to return. As he walks in, it's clear they are both reeling from the information that they've both been made aware of. Ben is the one who breaks the ice and instantly apologises to his boyfriend for lying and for putting him in a terrible situation. He admits he's messed everything up, Callum is silent and listens carefully as Ben makes his apology. Ben begins to explain the whole situation regarding his Dad and Danny, even mentioning the moment when Danny had a gun and that was when he lost his hearing. He compliments Callum and basically thanks him for being so loving and caring towards him when he was going through the most difficult time in his life, and that because of that he couldn't bring himself to tell him what had happened and upset him. He states that he doesn't want to lose his partner because of it. Callum instantly tells him that that is not going to happen, it's then that Ben sighs and says to him "I do not deserve you!", this is such a beautiful Ballum moment, Callum smiles slightly and agrees that finally that that is something they can both agree on. Ben sighs and then goes to the draw and pulls out the box containing the house key, instantly Callum is shocked and begins to ask whether it could be something else, Ben explains that he was going to do it the day before, before anything happened but obviously he couldn't ... he opens the box - "Move in with me, Cal!" ... for a split moment, it looks as if Callum is about to smile a huge smile - but then he says "How do I know you've not just done that now? Thinking that it would fix everything!" - Ben is left devastated, his lips curl and he places the box on the kitchen table, softly saying "Stupid idea!" and walks out! Callum is left staring at the box. At his point, I do feel sorry for Ben, he's trying to do everything he can to make it up to his partner, but he just doesn't seem to be having any of it.

Outside on the Square, Chantelle is looking defeated. Her daughter Mia asks her whether or not they'll be going on their adventure. Chantelle sadly shakes her head and tells her daughter that it wont be today, she also asks her not to mention it to their Daddy either. Mia smiles and says "I'm good at keeping secrets!" - Mitch then joins Chantelle and the children in the garden and says that he's booked them a holiday for the following day, and even though he understands that Gray may not be able to get the time off work, he would love it if Chantelle and the kids would go with him. Chantelle's face lights up - could this be the opportunity she needs to finally get away? It would be the perfect excuse to get away from Gray and it will also be the best opportunity she could get to make her escape plan work! She agrees and tells her children that they'll still be going on their adventure!

Okay - just putting it out there!!! Does anyone think something is going to happen between Tina and Frankie?! I can just see it happening. Tina isn't fond of Frankie to begin with, saying to Peter that her disability isn't going to help when it comes to serving drinks to a bar full of people. Frankie then proves her point to Tina and deals with a situation with some customers. She gets them to leave the bar and smiles at Tina - "Happy?" - Tina is then seen looking closely at Frankie. Is she going to slowly start getting feelings for the girl, and with Frankie somehow going to be getting closer to the Carter family, will she perhaps take advantage of Tina's feelings and lead her on, just to get closer to Mick, Ollie and the family?! Who knows?!

Back at the Mitchell house, Ben walks in a room where Callum is on his own, just thinking to himself. He says to Ben that he hates everything that is going on. He hates not being able to trust his own boyfriend. Once again, Ben tries his best to apologise - trying to explain that he didn't think, he was trying to protect his lover but also the fact that he was worried that Callum would put his career before him. Callum again tells his boyfriend that he loves him, they both share a smile at each other and Callum begins to get back to matter at hand. He informs Ben that CID will have the CCTV footage back in a few days time and he can try and delay it. The only way that they can move Ben away from the scent and the one thing that will stop Ben from going on the run, is if they decide to set Danny up and get him to go to the police without him knowing. Callum looks in shock, but perhaps it could be the only way of getting Ben and Phil out of trouble?!

The Panesar family are reeling over recent events and what Vinny has done. Ash is angry at her family for getting her involved and making her lie to the Police. Suki is basically telling them all to agree to the same story. Kheerat is trying to keep the peace saying that everything will be fine if they all say the same thing. Ash is angry and leaves the room. Suki instructs Vinny to change his clothes, it's only when she also leaves the room that Jags approaches his brother and asks him whether he's sick of things happening and that everything they do - there's always a victim. He reveals that he and Habiba had been seeing each other, but after he took her to one of his jobs to collect rent, she dumped him. I think that Jags is slowly starting to realise that the way he's been living his life, is not normal. I think it's clear that the Panesar family have been involved in horrendous things and it looks as if Jags is wanting to change his ways. He couldn't believe he could have someone as beautiful as Habiba, and now she's dumped him, he can see that the family do is wrong. He pulls out a poker chip and says that Kheerat can now have it, it used to bring him luck but he no longer wants it and maybe Kheerat needs more of the luck if he's going to be staying with the family  He says to his brother that he is going to change his ways and he's going to do everything he can to win Habiba back.

The last scene of the episode, Chantelle is whispering on her phone. At first we're not too sure who it is she's speaking to, until she makes her way down the stairs of her front door and Kheerat approaches her. She says to him that he's not supposed to be there, but he confesses he can't help but worry about her and making sure she's okay. He claims that he and Chantelle both know that there is something between them, Chantelle doesn't deny it, but she begs him to go before Gray sees. He pulls out the poker chip Jags gave him and tells her that he wants her to have it, and that any time she wants to cash it in, to give it back to him. She looks a little confused to begin with, she asks "What do I get?" ... Kheerat then leans in and smiles, "Me!" and places it in her palm. Chantelle encloses it with fist and fingers and as he walks away, she's left with a soft smile on her face. Will Chantelle find a way to confide in him before it's too late? Will Gray find the poker chip? Will the poker chip be found at the scene when Chantelle sadly passes away?

I feel the poker chip is going to be something important, either it'll go missing, Gray will find it, Kheerat will find it and some how, some way - it will come to light about Chantelle's abuse at the hands of her husband. I do believe eventually Kheerat will find out and he'll do anything to get justice for her. What do you guys think? I apologise once again for this post being so late, but I promise there will be two blog posts tomorrow! Thanks again for reading, it truly means the world. Thank you everyone xXx

#eastenders #chantelleatkins #grayatkins #kheerat panesar #jags panesar #vinny panesar #ash panesar #suki panesar #ianbeale #sharonwatts #dottycotton #callumhighway #benmitchell #tinacarter #frankie lewis #habiba ahmed #ballum #martinfowler #rubyallen

[tobacconist]

my house got hit with a nasty strike of bad luck last night, all at once, i think around one o clock till about half past; i blame the full moon in scorpio (i believe saturn, venus, and pluto were retrograde at the time too. not sure if they still are)

i didnt feel like writing it at the time because i was too upset

had a really good day before then too. dads been depressed recently and wed sat out in the sunshine n had a smoke n laugh. we played dominoes later on.

ill say it started with my dad gettin absolutely wankered, like really fuckin drunk n stoned, the kind of wankered where you think youre completely fine but you aint and you wont listen to anyone telling you to sit the fuck down or go to bed

anyway, mum went to bed about 11, told us both to get to bed early (because she is the only sensible person in this house) dad said he was going soon after he’d finished his wine (like he does every night) but he filled his glass a few more times and stayed up.

eventually he went to bed, i told him not to keep coming down to pester me and that id go soon after. of course he came down a few times (its like an incredibly unfunny farce every night) to eat crisps and drunkenly ask me why i wasnt in bed ‘give me some fuckin peace and i’ll likely go to bed sooner!’ i said its a farce

i was trying to think about designing an expanded dominoes set which also functions as a jenga set, and perhaps could be used as some kind of analog calculator a bit like an abacus. i was looking up variations on the game of dominoes and thinking about the esoteric significance of the game

of course i couldnt think about it in peace for long, cus dad came down once again to ask me why i wasnt in bed yet ‘because you wont let me have any fucking peace to think!’ i said ‘the sooner you go to bed the sooner i go to bed!’ it really is like this every fuckin night

‘alright, alright, im going to bed. dont be too long’ he said.  then i heard the dog coming down the stairs ‘fuck sake! dont wake mum up for fuck sake, she’ll come down and yell at both of us!’ i thought then he said (to the dog) ‘oh, do you need a wee?’ n then i got a real bad feeling that i couldnt really place, like everything was going to suddenly go wrong.

i hide his wineglass because for fuck sake if he comes back downstairs im not gonna get any peace hes bumblin around makin a load of noise, then he shuts the door so i presume the dogs inside.

then he comes to me! asking me where the dog is, i say ‘didnt you just let him out? is he inside?’ he shouts to my poor mother, who is just trying to sleep ‘is the dog up there with you!’ she yells back ‘NO! YOUVE JUST LET HIM OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BASTARD!’ or words to that effect. she’s really angry and im like ‘hhhhhhhhhh fuck sake’

i start panicking, for personal insane paranoid reasons (basically a picture of my dog taken that day had a strange lense flare from the sun that, sorta, yknow in the film the omen where they take a picture but theres a weird streak on it and then later the person gets impaled by a huge steel beam. looked sort of like a downward swung scythe to me. praying its just the light, but yeah i got really paranoid.) so i was suddenly like ‘holy shit holy shit is something going to happen to my dog’, i grab my torch and sprint into the garden with my shoes on the wrong feet. i hear my dog suddenly yelp and im genuinely prepared for the worst.

mum had come downstairs now and was yelling like fuck at my dad, who was barely lucid, like, not even understanding why she was angry, and that jus made her angrier)

thankfully, my dog was okay. hed found a hedgehog in the garden, once again, and was once again trying to beat it up and play with it.  i grab his collar and send him back inside. i look at the hedgehog. its all curled up, and i can see that its bleeding. its breathing still though, breathing really heavily. i half cover my torch so as not to frighten it any more and watch it for a bit.

i go back into the kitchen and my mum asks whats wrong, i hesitate for a moment and then tell her dog was being nasty to a hedgehog. i should tell you that hedgehogs are my mums favourite animals, she collects ornaments and paintings of hedgehogs. she really loves them

i dont really know what to do, so i go to the fridge and get an egg and crack it half open, i go back outside and leave it nearby. i notice that mums come outside too, and she asks where it is. i dont want to scare it anymore by getting too close so i just shine the torch on it for a few seconds and point out where its bleeding.

we go back inside, now both feeling really sad. dad is wandering around the house demanding to know where his wine glass is not at all aware of whats happened. mum says shes gonna go for a cig and then try to go back to bed.

i shut the dog in the back room with the curtains closed, i only do that when hes really bad. was too sad even to yell at him. left him in there on his own for atleast an hour an d a half. really disappointed in him. i hope he realises what he did was bad, and i hope he never does it again. hedgehogs are friends.

i went into the living room and sat down and had a drink. dad was still wandering round looking for his wine glass. i say ‘you know the dog just really hurt a hedgehog’ he says ‘dont tell me that right now, i dont want to hear it. where have you put my wine glass!??’ hes just madly looking around calling me a thief, i tell him i havent stolen it, just moved it, but hes drunk too much anyway’ this is another another weekly farce.

he finds it eventually, and sits down. my mum comes in the room now, and i can tell she’d been crying. she says maybe we should put it in a cardboard box or something, i say i dont want to disturb or traumatise it anymore, and it wouldnt want to be in our house anyway. we discuss it for a while, dad keeps making suggestions about what takeaways are open or something because hes half asleep and not actually listening to what were saying.

eventually we decide that i’ll check on it in a few hours to see if its still there or dead or what and if its still alive then i’ll put it in a box and see if we can take it to the vets in the morning (not likely, since theyre only open for emergencies atm)

she goes to bed, dad goes a little while after, still smugly talking about how i should be in bed and mumll be upset if im up to late, cus hes completely out of it

then, just as i put youtube on to distract myself, the internet goes down for like 15 minutes.

i jus sit there refreshing the page. it comes back on after a little while.

i idly browse but cant enjoy anything. i think about writing a tumblr post about it (as i am doing now) but it feels wrong at the time.

i open omegle and tell the first person who’ll listen jus to get it off my chest, theyre very kind, and then we idly chat about some shit. i start to feel better.

then i go have a look in the garden; the hedgehog is gone and the egg is unfinished. i dont know if that means a fox got it, or whether it shuffled away somewhere to die or if it was ok and it wandered off thinking ‘never fucking ever coming to this garden again!’ hopefully the last, but thats still sad. i know hedgehogs are pretty resilient animals. i hope it was okay

i let the dog out of the room about 2 because he started scratching at the door. i didnt say anything i just sent him up to bed. he had an ashamed face. i hope he never does it again.

then i stayed on omegle all night until about 6am. stupid thing to do but i felt better after a while. 

i feel the evil energy was gone in the morning. the moon has begun to wane and moved into sagittarius. mum seems alright. dont know if dad remembers anything from late last night. im feelin okay, jus real hungover. drank a lot more than i meant to

dont think im gonna proof read this so it might be a bit rambling. jus wanna get it off my chest

#long #long post #jus a string of bad luck all together

[toreii]

I’m one of those people that is also upset with another pretend marriage event. At this point, I’m ready to see my girl, Mai, get married and have kids. Still, I made the effort to at least read Mitsuhide’s route, and I must say I am not that disappointed. For the most part, it was funny. I guess I’m so used to Mitsuhide and desensitized to his teasing that it does not bother nor surprise me anymore.

I must remind you all that I am no way fluent in Japanese. There are bound to be mistakes in here. Feel free to correct me. For the most part, the gist of the story should be clear. If you aren’t afraid to be spoiled, feel free to click under the cut and enjoy!

One fine summer afternoon, MC is called to the audience hall by Nobunaga. She opens the door to find a woman sitting next to Mitsuhide. Nobunaga tells MC to take a seat, and she sits right across the mystery woman. Mitsuhide begins by introducing the woman as a distant Oda princess. The woman says her name is Tsubaki. Mitsuhide informs Tsubaki that MC is also an Oda princess. Nobunaga explains to MC that Tsubaki is expected to get married to a daimyo soon. MC congratulates Tsubaki. However, she notices that Tsubaki is a little enthusiastic about the engagement. She thanks MC for her wishes solemnly, and MC takes note of her sad voice.

Mitsuhide announces that he wants to know about the state of Azuchi for the day, and informs MC that he wants her help. MC agrees to go with him. Tsubaki tells MC to do her best. Mitsuhide tells MC that he’s counting on her as he reaches over and pats her head taking her by surprise. He then adds that she should be careful not to get lost. MC retorts that she won’t and tells Mitsuhide to stop teasing her. Mitsuhide smiles at MC and then turns to Tsubaki saying that their banter is always the same, so she shouldn’t worry. Tsubaki doesn’t say a word, but smiles at them. MC can’t help but note that there is something underlying in Tsubaki’s smile.

Afterwards, Mitsuhide and MC take Tsubaki on a tour of Azuchi. Along the way, they stop at a teahouse for a rest. MC and Tsubaki are about to enter the establishment when Mitsuhide calls out to MC. He tells her that he will be waiting right outside for them. MC is confused, but Mitsuhide explains that it’ll be more comfortable if it’s just her and Tsubaki talking with each other. MC wonders if Mitsuhide is starting to care, but she replies that she understands and tells Tsubaki to follow her.

Inside, MC and Tsubaki are sitting down eating dumplings. MC comments that the dumplings look good, and Tsubaki half heartedly agrees. MC notices a sadness in her again. Even though weddings are suppose to invoke happiness, MC wonders why Tsubaki is sad. MC asks Tsubaki if she is worried about the wedding. Tsubaki is startled and MC apologizes for her boldness and explains that it looked to be out of the ordinary. Tsubaki is quiet. She closes her eyes and then tells MC that she has a man whom she loves. MC is shocked by her words. Tsubaki explains that her marriage is a political one and arranged by her dad. She heard her fiancé is nice, but people are believing in them so she can’t give up.

MC sympathizes with her feelings. She understands there are a lot of political marriages in the era. For her, she’d rather be with the person she likes, but Tsubaki has accepted her circumstances. MC tells Tsubaki her point-of-view, and adds that it’s wrong for someone else to decide on her happiness. Still, MC apologizes for speaking out of turn.To MC’s surprise, Tsubaki looks relieved. Tsubaki says that MC must secretly have someone she likes. MC shyly denies it, but can feel her heart beating wildly inside of her. After their conversation, they return to Azuchi castle.

Later that night, Tsubaki is sneaking around the castle when she suddenly bumps into Mitsuhide. He asks what she is doing up so late, and Tsubaki is too nervous to answer. Mitsuhide already knows what she is up to and tells Tsubaki if she is aware of how much trouble she’ll be in if she elopes. Tsubaki is temporarily crestfallen upon hearing that.

The next day, MC is shocked to learn that Tsubaki indeed eloped last night. Mitsuhide informs that Tsubaki left a note behind. MC asks if they are going to search for her. Nobunaga replies that they have no choice. MC recalls Tsubaki’s thankful smile from yesterday, and cannot believe the turn of events. Nobunaga says their only hope is to negotiate with the other group. Mitsuhide mentions that there is still a problem, though. He can’t cancel the wedding ceremony. He turns to MC and tells her to substitute Tsubaki in the ceremony. MC questions him,but Nobunaga declares MC as the replacement since they have the same status and age.

MC can’t believe it. Mitsuhide assures it’s only for the day of the ceremony since the other party is also looking forward to it. MC wonders if she can go through with it, but she wants Tsubaki to be happy. So, MC assumes her responsibility and agrees to substitute Tsubaki. Mitsuhide is quiet, but Nobunaga tells MC that he leaves everything to her. He then tells Mitsuhide that he will be “punished” for what has happened since Tsubaki was in his care. Mitsuhide agrees. MC tells them to stop, and Nobunaga asks her if she’s worried about Mitsuhide. MC believes Mitsuhide shouldn’t be punished. Nobunaga smiles and tells her to calm down. Mitsuhide’s punishment is to make her the perfect bride and to see everything through. Mitsuhide turns to MC and tells her that’s how it is and flicks her forehead as he tells her to do their best. MC thinks it’s not a bad punishment.

After the meeting, Mitsuhide asks MC if she has work to do. MC says yes, but if it’s related to the ceremony plans, she can adjust her schedule. Mitsuhide agrees saying she alone can’t make herself the perfect bride. She’ll have to go through a lot of things. MC wonders how she can be like Tsubaki. Mitsuhide comments it will be difficult for her to be like Tsubaki. MC is hurt by his words, but Mitsuhide tells her not to worry. He plans to help her so she wont embarrass him, and promises to make her the perfect bride.

That night, Mitsuhide summoned MC to his palace, but MC did not arrive until late at night. She goes to his room and apologizes for being late. Mitsuhide is surprised to see her, and says he wasn’t expecting her at all for the day. He says it’s late for her to be out alone. MC asks if he was worried for her. Mitsuhide tells her that she’s right since it’s normal (to be worried). He looks away and MC is touched he cared for her well being. She promises to come early from now on. Mitsuhide tells her to do so. Her heart is warmed by the thought, and asks him why he called for her. Mitsuhide takes her to another room which contains a lot of bridal kimonos. MC asks Mitsuhide what it’s about. He explains that they are the kimonos she will wear for the ceremony, and tells her to pick one she likes. MC informs Mitsuhide that she doesn’t know how to wear one, and asks if a maid will help her out. Mitsuhide tells her to forget about the maid. He’ll help her get dressed instead. MC is surprised by his cool expression. She thinks that although Mitsuhide may know how to dress her, she exclaims that it’s impossible and embarrassing. He laughs and pats her head saying he wont take her whole kimono off. He tells her to pick a coat off the racks and try it on. MC finds his voice kind and relents in letting Mitsuhide dress her as he takes a kimono in his hands.

Moments later, Mitsuhide has MC dressed in one of the kimonos. They had tried all of them, and he tells her that the second one suits her. MC asks if it looks okay. He replies that it looks good on her, and that he’s happy to see that she likes it. MC asks if he doesn’t think she should be happy, but Mitsuhide states that he isn’t saying it looks bad. He tells her she looks cute. MC thinks Mitsuhide is teasing her and tells him to stop. He tells her to not be so upset. Still, MC asks him if he’s sure he likes the kimono.

Mitsuhide thinks it’s a bad thing that he’s involved, but MC doesn’t think so. She feels responsible for Tsubaki eloping. Mitsuhide asks MC if she doesn’t want to get married anymore. He explains that even if she’s pretending, she’s going to get married to a man who she doesn’t even like. MC is surprised to hear his words. She wonders if it’s just her, but hearing Mitsuhide’s gentle voice is making her have second thoughts. MC asks Mitsuhide why he said that, and he asks her why she thinks he did. MC replies that she does not know. She then asks him what he’s thinking. Mitsuhide questions her in response. MC says that even if it’s a pretend wedding, she still wants to continue with the ceremony with the man she does not know or like.

For a moment, neither she or Mitsuhide say a word. Then, Mitsuhide speaks up and tells MC if he says no, will she quit? MC is taken aback by his words. MC doesn’t want to, but if Mitsuhide were to tell her to stop… However, MC can’t bring herself to answer him as her heart begins to beat faster. She continues to stare back at him until Mitsuhide tells her he’s joking and to forget about it. Mitsuhide tells MC that it’s getting late. He tells her to get dressed, and that he’ll walk her back to the castle. He leaves the room, and MC sighs. She wanted Mitsuhide to say no; that she didn’t like the idea of the wedding anymore. She’s left feeling more confused than ever. MC stops thinking, and gets redressed.

A few days later, the day of the wedding has arrived. MC is waiting in her room to be escorted. She stares at the kimono Mitsuhide picked for her, and wonders if she should back out. Mitsuhide comes to mind and she recalls their conversation from the previous night. In the meantime, MC has been learning on how to be a proper princess, and has barely seen Mitsuhide. She’s driving herself crazy when Mitsuhide announces that the other group has arrived. MC says she’ll be on her way, and rushes out the door. When she runs out into the hallway and sees Mitsuhide, MC is stunned by his appearance. Mitsuhide tells MC he’s ready to go, but she is too absorbed admiring his clothes. Mitsuhide asks what is wrong, and she asks him why he is dressed like that. Mitsuhide replies that he is the one playing the part of the groom. MC is floored and wonders what he means by that.

Mitsuhide asks MC if she is unhappy with him. She demands he explain himself, and Mitsuhide explains he will serve as the groom’s substitute. MC is still in shock and asks why. Mitsuhide says he will explain on the way. He tells MC to follow along as he begins to walk away quickly. MC realizes she has no choice, but to follow along.

At a small secluded shrine, MC notices there is no one present. She asks if the ceremony will be held here. Mitsuhide replies yes, and MC wonders if the others will arrive later. However, Mitsuhide says no one will be coming. MC exclaims that she prepared so as to not embarrass the daimyo. Her efforts feel wasted. Mitsuhide explains that MC was initially meant to be the perfect bride, but he decided to change things. Only they are the only ones able to keep up with this façade. Mitsuhide tells MC to calm down as he begins to explain the change in events.

When Mitsuhide and MC were showing Tsubaki around Azuchi, he listened in on their conversation at the teahouse. MC is surprised by his confession, but Mitsuhide tells her that he is her supervisor. MC internally agees that Mitsuhide is good at eavesdropping. Mitsuhide continues by saying that Tsubaki couldn’t remain positive about the marriage. He planned on using MC and learn the whole truth from Tsubaki. MC asks Mitsuhide if he knew Tsubaki would elope. Mitsuhide says that after overlooking it, he made some improvements. MC asks him why he overlooked such a detail, and Mitsuhide says it was on a whim. MC demands Mitsuhide tell her properly since she is involved. She doesn’t want to be misled and stares intently at Mitsuhide. He remains quiet, trailing off for a bit. After a moment, Mitsuhide tells MC it was due to the things she told Tsubaki.

MC can’t believe it was because of her, and Mitsuhide reminds her that she told Tsubaki that it was wrong of others to decide on a person’s happiness. Her intentions are true and only happiness can be decided by oneself. That is why he let Tsubaki leave. MC can’t believe her words affected Mitsuhide’s thoughts. Mitsuhide continued to explain that once he let Tsubaki go, the other party would not be silent. He tells MC that it was a good idea to use her as a substitute for the ceremony, but even if it was a lie, Mitsuhide did not want to see MC get married to another man. MC notes the telling gaze in Mitsuhide’s eyes without falter. She does not hate his expression realizing Mitsuhide is not joking or lying. It dawns on her that this was Mitsuhide’s true intention. She asks him why and Mitsuhide answers that there are things he does not know. He smiles at her and MC feels her heart waver.

Mitsuhide says it can’t be helped and decided to act as her husband. He asks MC if she doesn't want to have a fake wedding with him. As he stares at her looking for an answer, MC doesn’t like the idea, but she tells Mitsuhide that she does not know. She thinks Mitsuhide is still not telling her the whole situation. She can’t believe Mitsuhide just asked her to marry him. Because, to her, there is a special meaning between two people when it comes to marriage. MC wants to reply, but can’t bring herself to answer.

Mitsuhide says that even if it’s a lie, it’s a relationship between a husband and wife, and says he is not lying. MC is shocked by his words again, and is suddenly held by her waist. Taken by surprise, she calls out to Mitsuhide. He tells her that he is being honest with her, and tells her to answer next time. MC can’t bring herself to reply. She recalls that she accepted the role herself. She thinks it was wrong to accept to marry a man she did not like and go through with the charade.

MC’s chest is swelling with sweet feelings. She starts to say that if it’s with Mitsuhide, but stops herself saying “Nevermind.” Still, she is glad Mitsuhide came for her. Mitsuhide replies that she’s right as he smiles at her honest answer. Mitsuhide draws MC closer making her gasp as she’s held against his chest. He tells her “...Not bad.” MC questions him and he explains that it’s not bad having a lovely wife like her. MC yells at him to stop teasing her. In any case, she wants to know what happened to the other party. Mitsuhide explains that he introduced a better princess than Tsubaki to the daimyo. He also explains that if the daimyo disregarded Tsubaki and canceled the ceremony, then there wouldn’t have been a problem. MC realizes Mitsuhide is right. She thinks he’s amazing after saying such things. However, after being impressed, MC realized that there was no need for her to go through with the ceremony. She wishes Mitsuhide had told her that the ceremony could be canceled. Mitsuhide laughs and says he made her the perfect bride. He then asks MC to be his wife for the day.

MC tells Mitsuhide he’s speaking those words with the usual meanness. She feels a small pain in her chest. Mitsuhide says it’s a lot to say, but if it’s not with her then there’s no point in doing any of this. MC tells him to stop teasing her already. She can’t believe he’s saying such things while hugging her. She thinks he’s not being serious as her embarrassment rises and the tips of her ears grow hot. She changes the subject and asks if no one is coming, why don’t they go home? She lightly pushes on his chest as she tries distancing herself from Mitsuhide. Mitsuhide tells her they haven’t done anything yet. MC asks what he means by that when Mitsuhide presses his fingers to her lips. He tells her she is his wife right now. He moves his hand from her her lips and smiles softly. MC does not understand and thinks he is a cunning person. Even so, MC can’t resist the sweet smile and takes his hand. MC presses her fingers to her lips and begins asking Mitsuhide why he did that. He replies, “I just kissed my sweet wife.” His eyes crinkled as he holds MC’s cheeks in his hands. His thumb brushes her lips and he tells MC that he will not let her go today. His voice is bewitching as the pad of his finger traces her lips. MC feels her heart beating noisily in her body.

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikemen series #cybird #mitsuhide akechi #mai mizusaki #wedding event #translations not 100% accurate #i did my best #i hope you guys enjoyed it! #epilogue coming soon

[diinofayce]

Broken Promises

This is for @buckthegrump Angst and Fluff writing challenge! Sorry this took so long!

Pairing: Steve x Reader | Word Count: 1.4k | Warnings: Angst | Prompt: Every time you walk out that door I’m afraid you wont come back | Song inspiration: Hearts and Spades by I The Mighty

The sudden pounding the front door caused your eyes to shoot open. Steve was already moving next to you to sit up and turn on the bedside lamp, you wince at the sudden brightness and turn to look at the clock on your bedside table. It was well after midnight and you turned to watch Steve pull on a white undershirt as the pounding at the door became more urgent. You frown knowing that there was only one reason someone would be gracing the two of you with such a late night visit and you swing your legs out from under the warmth of the comforter.

“Y/N, stay in the bedroom,” Steve grumbles, his voice still raspy with sleep as he grabs his pistol from his bedside drawer and cocks it.

You wait for Steve to leave the room before you pull on your robe and peek your head out of the bedroom to look down the hall, tying the cinch at your waist into a knot. You watch as Steve peers through the peep hole and his shoulders relax, he un-cocks the gun and slides the hammer from the lock on the door stepping back to open it. You recognize Bucky’s silhouette in the door frame and let out a sigh of discontent, finally moving out of the bedroom and down the hall.

“Steve, sorry to wake you but it’s bad. We need you for this one,” Bucky murmured and Steve stepped aside so his friend could come in from out of the rain. As Bucky moved and his silhouette didn’t fill the entirety of your front door you could see the distinctive shimmer of a cloaked quinjet parked in the middle of your sleepy suburban street.

Bucky’s blue eyes landed on you and his expression softened slightly, a shadow of guilt flicked across his face. “Hey, Y/N, sorry to wake you up.”

You hum with soft irritation and hit the on button for the coffee machine, the grounds already ready as you had set your machine up the night before so you could have coffee while making Steve breakfast. You used to love Bucky, he was your favourite of any of Steve’s old teammates and the animosity you had started to feel for Steve’s best friend wasn’t fair. You knew it wasn’t, but you couldn’t help it. After Steve had retired Sam, Nat, and Tony had all come knocking multiple times trying to get Steve to come and help them again and Steve always turned them away with an apology and turned into you instead. Once you asked why Bucky never came and Steve had simply replied, ‘Because he knows I wouldn’t be able to turn him away.’ So you know this was a big deal, you knew something had to be terribly wrong in the world to have James Buchanan Barnes on your doorstep.

Steve frowned at you, his forehead pinched. “Y/N, I told you to stay in the bedroom.”

“Hydra isn’t going to politely knock on the front door, Steven,” you reply sharply and Steve flinches. He knows that you know that he’s about to leave. He knows you’re angry and for a second Steve almost asks Bucky to take the quinjet and leave…but he doesn’t.

“Steve, it’s gone inter-dimensional. There’s wormholes popping up everywhere and we don’t have the manpower. Thor and Tony have gone to the other side to see if they can find a source and haven’t been back,” Bucky explained desperately.

“How long?” Steve asked, wincing every time you slammed a cupboard door or drawer.

“Three weeks.”

That was the clincher, that’s what made Bucky so desperate to come to Steve. Three weeks of radio silence from Earth’s Greatest Defender and the King of the Nine Realms. They needed Steve, the Avengers were leaderless and didn’t know how to go forward.

“You know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t bad,” Bucky put out apologetically.

Steve scrubbed his hand over his face and looked wistfully towards the kitchen where you were still angrily slamming things around. “Let me go get my suit,” Steve said to Bucky softly.

You glared at your husband’s back as you watched him retreat back into your bedroom. You sigh heavily, resting your elbows on the counter and pulling at your hair. You couldn’t do this again, you couldn’t keep almost losing him. You could hear Bucky shifting awkwardly in the entryway, he could probably sense that you didn’t want to see him right now, you could feel the anger and desperation rolling off of you in waves and you really didn’t care to reign it in.

You look up as you hear Steve’s heavy combat boot footsteps hit the tile of the kitchen. He flinches in deep set guilt at seeing you, tears streaking down your cheeks, your eyes red rimmed and puffy. You swipe at your nose and sniffle as you reach for the thermos and the finished pot of coffee.

“Suit still fits,” you say curtly, filling the battered army green thermos, just like you used to do every time before he went on missions in the past.

Steve half smirks and pats his belly. “Yeah, Dad-bod hasn’t gotten to me yet.” Steve tries to joke but it just causes your white knuckle grip on your composure to crack even more.

“It’s his birthday tomorrow,” you snap finally, pointing down the hallway to where your son still slept soundly. “What am I supposed to tell him when you aren’t here in the morning?”

Steve flounders for a moment, his blue eyes full of a desperate plea for you to please, please understand. Please get why he has to do this.

“No, don’t give me that face Steven. I’m never going to be okay with you coming back dirty and bleeding and bruised. I’m never going to be okay with having to patch you up and deal with the week of brooding silence that comes home with you after every mission. I’m not going to be okay that you promised me, and you promised him, that you were done and you were always going to be home in the mornings. Every time you walk out that door I’m afraid you wont come back and if you go, if you break that promise and walk out that door, I’m never going to forgive you.”

You were louder than you wanted to be, loud enough that you knew even without super soldier hearing Bucky could hear what he caused, loud enough that even you could hear the soft stirring in your son’s bedroom. You clenched your jaw and flicked your watery gaze from Steve to the closed bedroom door.

“I’m coming back,” Steve promised softly, his voice cracked with a broken edge.

“But you might not be,” you retorted and slammed the full thermos on the counter in front of him before shoving by him to go to your son’s room.

Steve hated doing this to you again, he hated being the reason that you were going to cry yourself to sleep. He hated that he was going to be disappointing his son when all he wanted was to be a good husband and father. But what he hated the most was that you couldn’t see how much he hated wearing the suit, how even though it wasn’t his war he fought it in the hopes that the world would be safe for you and their son.

He spins the wedding band on his finger, a simple gunmetal ring engraved with your initials. He thought about leaving it here so it wouldn’t get ruined or lost in what he knew would be a battle ending in bloodshed but he knew he would need something to look at and give him a reason to keep pushing if the going got hard. So he sighs deeply and takes one look at your back in the dark of the hallway before grabbing the thermos and leading Bucky out of his home and into the night.

#emilyswritingchallenge #steve x reader #steve rogers angst #avengers angst #marvel angst #steve rogers x reader #i the mighty

[angelnoel026]

Chapter 11

I wake up and get ready for school. I notice dad hasn't come home since last night. I hope he's alright. Brendan rides with me this time. "Okay so I'm staying after school today. I'm not sure what time I'll be back but if dad still isnt home were going to look for him." I say. Brendan yawns. "Gotcha, drop me off here." Brendan says directing me. Of course he'd want to be with his stoner friends. I roll my eyes and continue my day. Danna comes up to my locker. Oh this should be good. "Your really staying after school with Tommy today?" She asks. "Wow you actually approached me and was nice about it." I sarcastically say back. She gives me a look. "Well I'm staying after too, better watch it." She threatens me. "You can't tell me who I can and can't date you arent my mother." I defend myself. "Least I still have my mother freak. See you after." She walks off. I scoff and punch my locker, making a dent in it. "Hey are you okay?" Someone asks me. My eyes return to normal and I turn around to see a young man, colored, husky looking. He must be new. "Ah.. yeah, sorry that girl she just gets on my nerves. But thanks for asking." I respond. "It's okay, I always like to help others and I can get angry too, we all do. But boy you must work out cause look at that dent wow!" The boy says investigating my locker. I chuckle. "Yeah let's put it that way." I say. "I'm Bryce Williams." Bryce says holding his hand out. I shake it. "Katherine Hale. Are you new here?" I ask. "Yeah today's my first day, you wouldn't mind if you gave me a tour?" He asks. "Not at all, come on." I say leading the way. It's nice to make a new friend, Bryce and I have the same classes and we hit it off well. Last class has begun and I see him... Tommy. Gosh am I really starting to catch feelings? I hope it's worth it. He smiles at me and heads towards me. "Good afternoon." He says. "You as well." I say back. "How's your day so far?" Tommy asks. "It's good, I made a new friend and most likely ruined my locker, how about you?" I admit. Tommy chuckles. "It was good, I'm just looking forward to studying with you." He says. I smile. I can hear Danna scoff, jealous bitch bite me. Luckily she doesn't know about the locker room so itll be easy to avoid her. I grin. The bell rings and class starts. An hour later class is over and I head to the locker room. I wait patiently and I suddenly hear footsteps, its Tommy. "Hi." I say. "Hi." He says. "So what do you need help studying with?" I ask. "Um.. history, I don't know I try to pay attention and understand but I dont get it." He admits. Luckily I was always got an A in history so this is no problem. We take our books out and study. "Okay so were on chapter 8, supernatural creatures." I gulp looking at the page, of course there's a werewolf on it, today is really testing my patience. "Werewolves, I've heard alot about them, I heard there used to be alot of them in Beacon hills, there was even a creature known as the Beast of Geveduan who went on a killing spree." Tommy says. "And you said you were bad at history. " I say. We both laugh. "Well when I take an interest in something I like to learn about it as much as possible." He says looking at me. We both stare into each other's eyes. "You know you have beautiful eyes." He compliments me. "Thanks I get them from my father." I say. Tommy tries to lean in again like at the wedding, when suddenly a loud noise occurs. We both jump causing Tommy to hit his head on the locker. "Ow!" He yells rubbing his head, there's alittle blood. What the hell was that? "Hold on I think there's a first aid kit." I say getting up to look for one. Luckily coach has one in his office. I lightly dab Tommy's wound. "Are you okay?" I ask. "Yeah I think so. Agh!" He says feeling the pain on his head. I put my hand closer to his wound. "Your gonna be okay." I say. I breath slowly and before I know it, the same black veins that were on dad's arm when he healed Brendan appear on mine. I'm taking his pain away. Tommy breaths and feels relieved. "Wow, it's like the pain completely dissapeared. How did you do that?" He asks. I take my hand off him, I feel weird after doing that, it's like a sort of liquid had entered my body. "I uh... I read in this book that if you rub you're head just right the pain is gone." I lie, I feel bad but I can't tell him the truth. He doesn't say anything and nods his head. We stare at each other again. I make the first move this time. I lean in and kiss him. The kiss is passionate and slow. I'm going to be honest this was my first kiss and it couldn't be more perfect. I break the kiss. "Was that you're first kiss?" Tommy asks. It's like he read my mind again.. I swear were connected or something. "Uh.. yeah.. sorry if it was bad." I admit, blushing. "Hey hey." Tommy says lifting my chin up. "You're a great kisser, I loved it. I'll be honest with you, I haven't kissed anyone either, you were my first as well." Tommy admits. I smile, that made me feel alot better, Danna can wat my dust. I lean in again and continue the kiss. I climb on top of his lap and continue making out with him. Little moans escape our mouths. Tommy sneaks his hand up the back of my shirt. I stop. "Are you okay?" He asks. "Yeah.. it's just I wanna take things slow, maybe get to know you more and hang out." I say. "We can do that, I'm in no rush." Tommy says. "We should get back to studying. " I say getting off his lap. We continue to study and enjoy what seems to be our peace in this cruel world but it only lasts for so long before we hear another noise. We look up. "Should we check it out?" I ask. Tommy nods his head and we both get up. We walk out of the locker room and into the hall way. We both look in opposite directions. "I dont see anything. " I say. Tommy doesn't respond. I turn around and he is standing like a statue. I look to see what he's looking at and I freeze as well. It's my mom, in full wolf form ready to attack. She snarls at us. "That's a wolf." I say. "Yeah... we should run." He says. We both head for the nearest exit with my mom on our tails. I know there was only 1 way to get her to back off. I let Tommy run further ahead and I stop. I wait for mom to get closer to me. The thought of my mom wanting to hurt Tommy triggers me and I change into my wolf form. I roar off the top of my lungs making her stop. I hear Tommy's feet stop running. The roar seemed to work because she is now running off, I know it wont be the last time I see her but I can't put him in danger, not tonight. When I can no longer smell her scent I turn around and Tommy is in front of me. He's now seen me as a wolf.. he knows now I cant get out of this lie. I return back to normal and sigh. "There's... there's something I gotta tell you." I say disappointed, I wanted to tell him but not this way. Tommy takes a deep breath. "You're a werewolf." He says in shock. To be continued

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (108/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Seven

They never found out what had been going on with Loki and Thor because nothing came of their appearance and then disappearance because aside from a blip somewhere in Ireland that wasn’t necessarily them, there was nothing and while Tony waited for the other shoe to drop and something crazy to happen somewhere else in the world, nothing did.

“So, do you think he was just popping in for a visit and didn’t even think to stop by here?” Rhodey asked during a team meeting.

“I don’t know,” Tony said. “And there’s no way to contact him. I called up Jane and she -- well, apparently they broke up sometime before he left the last time and she didn’t have a way to contact him anyway which is sort of why they broke up.”

“But nothing’s happened right,” Sam said. “I mean, no random Asgardians have shown up so--”

“Not since then,” Tony said. “At least not that my satellites picked up anyway. But Coulson or Fury would have mentioned if they heard anything.”

Tony kept paying attention, but nothing outside of the usual happened. Ross’ announcement that Spider-Man was Tony’s son had been a small blip that most people didn’t pay attention to despite all the pictures that Ross had managed to get of Spider-Man coming and going from the tower. Mostly, he just sounded like a conspiracy theorist especially after Tony tweeted that his son was definitely not Spider-Man and that the theory had made Steve laugh. Still, he was sure some people did believe Ross’ story. It was also a concern that Ross was clearly keeping an eye on the tower.

There was a whole thing with the resurgence of AIM in the middle of August but it was such a disorganized mess that they didn’t get very far in even setting themselves up as a threat and Tony had them all rounded up and arrested in the course of an afternoon.

By the time that the summer was actually over, Tony was starting to relax on the Thor front. Peter on the other hand was a tad disappointed that he hadn’t gotten to meet the god yet. It turned out that next to Iron Man, Thor was Peter’s favorite.

“He’s an actual god,” Peter had said, “but also an alien. And just cool. He’s just so cool.”

Sam found the whole thing amusing. “Your kid has good taste at least,” he said, “if he had to crush on any of us.”

“It’s not a crush! I just -- he’s a god, Sam! And the lightning--” Peter trailed off as Sam laughed and Tony tried not to join in.

“He is seriously impressive,” Natasha said in Peter’s defense.

“Yes, exactly,” Peter said.

“Which is why you had a crush on him,” Sam said matter of factly and Peter threw up his arms in the air and Tony knew that he had figured out he couldn’t really say much else to make a difference to the conversation. Mostly, though, Tony loved the level of ease that Peter had with the rest of The Avengers.

But when Peter’s birthday came around, Tony decided that they needed to go on a mini-vacation. Not to get away from anyone, but because Tony wanted to spend some time on his own with Peter away from wedding planning and everything else that was going on at the tower. They went to California because Peter had never been to the West Coast and because Peter had also been interested in seeing the rebuilt Malibu house. It was fun to show Peter around and take him to a few of Tony’s favorite spots. All in all, their vacation was a nice break from the usual. They got back after a couple of weeks away and right in time for Peter to get back to school and Tony to move forward with the new suit. Everything was ready and Tony just needed to have the housing unit put in his chest.

On the night before school was starting up again, Peter was leaning against Tony’s side. There was a movie on, but Tony had long given up on watching it because the plot had changed so drastically that the movie was downright silly and either way, Tony had gotten busy answering emails because Pepper couldn’t understand why Tony was delegating everything to do with SI for the next week or two. Tony still hadn’t told her that he was going to be putting in the housing unit for the nanotech in his chest. He and Shuri both agreed that it was the only way to make it as effective as Tony wanted it to be.

“Is it going to be a long operation?” Peter asked.

Tony looked down at him. “A few hours.”

“I don’t like that I’ll be in school and I won’t be here.”

The whole thing with Thor had really hastened Tony to get the device ready faster. He wanted to be prepared for the next time something happened and things would have been dire if Thor’s return had signaled the beginning of something being wrong. Sure, Tony had his other suits, but the nanotech one was going to be better than any other. Steve and Peter for their part thought that he knew best despite the risk that the surgery would bring him.

“You’ll be here plenty,” Tony assured him. “Nothing is going to go wrong. I have the best doctors on this and we have a good plan for how we’re handling this.”

“Dr. Cho is pretty great,” Peter said with a grin.

Tony wrapped his arm around Peter’s shoulders and pulled him closer. “So why did you want to watch this movie again?”

“Ned recommended it,” Peter muttered. “I don’t think I’ll be taking his advice on movies again any time soon.”

Tony laughed. “On that we can agree, kid.”

---

Steve didn’t argue with Tony once Tony decided that he needed to get the housing unit put into his chest. It was Tony’s body and Tony’s decision and while Steve did voice his questions and got Tony to think about the pros and cons, he left it up to Tony because Tony knew best when it came to his suits. The device was different than the arc reactor, anyway, in that it wasn’t working to keep Tony alive. Looking at the ring with the shrapnel that had almost killed Tony, reminded Steve of how much Tony had gone through and survived.

He was with Tony during the operation, holding his hand while Dr. Cho and her team worked on Tony with a combination of Dr. Cho’s tech and Shuri’s as well. It brought down the risk for the procedure considerably. When it was over a few hours later and the whole thing was successful, Steve let out a sigh of relief.

“Good,” he said.

The whole thing was taking place in the compound since the facility had a medical wing and Tony had gone ahead and added an operating room to it too. It meant that Tony was going to be staying at the compound for a few days even if that was more of a precaution than anything, but it was better for him to not have to travel to the tower while fresh out of his operation. Steve had insisted on being there so his anklet was off. The FBI had only checked in on them once since putting the anklets on and the only reason they showed up in the first place was that Sam’s had malfunctioned. It was lucky that they were all in the tower at the time, not that Fury had been sending them on a lot of missions lately. Things were on the quiet side.

“He’ll be asleep for a little longer,” Helen said. “We’ll move him somewhere comfortable. You can call Peter in, if you want.”

“I’ll go get him,” Steve said and leaned over to kiss Tony’s forehead first.

Helen smiled at him.

When he returned with Peter in tow, Tony had been moved into one of the rooms in the medical wing. Tony was still asleep, but he looked peaceful all tucked into bed.

“Everything went perfectly, Peter,” Helen said. “He’ll be awake in an hour or two. Myself or someone from my team will come check in.”

“I’m glad,” Peter said as Helen grabbed a few things and walked out of the room. “I was actually a little worried,” he admitted to Steve. “I just -- I’ve lost all the father figures in my life and he was doing this and I was worried.”

Peter walked to stand by Tony’s bed and Steve moved forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You dad rarely does anything that isn’t for a reason. And if he had suspected that this was any riskier than it needed to be he wouldn’t have done it because the last thing he wants is to leave you. Shuri and Helen worked this out and you know how smart they are.”

“I know,” Peter said and looked up at Steve. “I just couldn’t help it. And thanks for helping me get out of school today. Dad just kept saying how I didn’t need to be here.”

“Yeah, well, he hates that we fuss about him.”

---

Taking it easy was boring. At least, it wasn’t bed rest. Tony could move around and he could go to the workshop but he was limited by how long he could work and how much he could lift or really do which ultimately just made him grumpy. Steve was also hovering for most of his time in there and jumping in to do things for him which Tony had found endearing at first but then kind of frustrating. So, he was happy to be back to normal a month and a half later even if Steve still seemed a bit wary of him doing much. Pepper was worse. She had started to just show up to make sure he was okay every other day right after Tony moved back to the tower and she’d fussed and fussed over him after telling him off for putting the housing unit in his chest in the first place until Tony had enough.

“You know,” Steve said one afternoon, “it’s almost been a year since I came back.”

“It has,” Tony said. A full year. It had been more than a year since the whole fiasco with The Vulture too. They were lucky that there hadn’t been any big villain like that popping up since but even if there had been, Tony was confident that Peter would have been able to handle it.

Training with Steve and the team in general had made a huge difference to Peter’s capabilities as Spider-Man. Peter didn’t use the Iron Spider suit often, opting for his other suit over that one most of the time, but he had gotten so much better with his powers and just his physicality because he wasn’t just following his instincts which were often good, he was doing more. Strategizing and thinking his plans through and really knowing his strengths and weaknesses and using that knowledge to do things in the best way possible.

“And it hasn’t been all bad,” Steve said.

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I half expected you to get too bored to stay.”

“I’ve found that life can’t be boring when you’re in it. But, not just that, it makes a difference that we’re together. You’ve made this worth it and it’s just one more year, Tony.”

“We better hope nothing crazy happens before then,” Tony said. “I thought Thor coming back meant--”

Steve nodded. “I know. I know. I did too. I just wonder what the whole point of it was. He wouldn’t have shown up and left that quickly without there being some reason and I just don’t trust that Loki was with him. Wasn’t he supposed to be dead?”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “That’s what Thor said.”

“Jane was confused about that too. She seemed concerned -- but she hasn’t called which means she hasn’t found anything alarming. At least I have this thing now,” Tony said and tapped his chest. “It makes me feel a little better about any possible threats.”

It was Tony’s fear -- and had been since going through that wormhole -- that they’d be faced with something from outside their world again. Even if nothing came to pass, he wanted them to be prepared. After all, he’d seen what some of those aliens could do and create and it was only a matter of time before Earth became a target again. Loki being alive -- he’d been the one behind the attack in New York. Of course, helped by the stone in the scepter but nevertheless one of the reasons. Thor had said he was leaving to find out more about the stones and...and maybe it was what he was still trying to figure out. It worried Tony.

Chapter One Hundred Nine

#peter and tony #peter and tony fic #mcuwriting #mcu fic #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #stony #stony fic #marvel

[lalalarisssaaa]

The Truth About Losing Your Mom At a Young Age.

Lately I’ve ignored friends who needed me, friends who were there for me and friends who I never wanted to hurt. 

But the thing is, lately I’m not the person who I was before October 16th, 2017. Before that day I was a dedicated graduate trying to save money for college, make my parents proud and a backbone for a lot of people. Today, and everyday since I’ve been a shell of a person you once knew. 

A mother carries you inside of her body for 9 months and then dedicates her soul to raising you, caring for you and loving you no matter what it takes. And my mom? She was one who would kill anyone who hurt the people she loved. 

She’d sing to me when I was little. 

She’d hold me when I cried.

She would do anything for me. 

When you’re 18 you don’t think about when the last time you’ll talk to one of your parents, when you’ll last see them. But nothings promised and the big guy doesn’t plan around your needs. 

People say it gets easier with time and that you’ll be okay again, but how would they know if they didn’t plan their Mothers funeral at 18? When you lose your mother, you don’t just lose another person. You lose the woman who gave you life, the woman who was there for everything and the women who is supposed to guide you through life. You stop being mothered. For me, a 18 year old female I lost the woman I’d tell first if I ever got pregnant, I lost the woman I’d call when I didn’t know how much flower to put in a batch of cookies. 

Losing your Mother is like losing a piece of your soul that you can never replace or let alone get back. 

It’s not having anyone you’d want to talk to when you go through a break up. 

It’s not having someone comfortable to talk to about changes to your body. 

It’s about losing your support system, well at least a giant part of it. 

it’s calling her phone at 4am just to hear her voice for a few seconds because it’s the only thing that allows you to remember.

It’s losing sight of the good memories, the ones where she was alive and happy.

It’s about being angry at your dead mother for leaving you. 

It’s not remembering what her voice sounds like, what her face looks like because all that’s left in your brain is what she looked like when you lost her.

It’s not showering for a week and sleeping till 4 or 5 in the afternoon because without her there's no reason to get out of bed even though you know she’d want you to continue living your life. 

It’s spending countless nights thinking of a way to kill yourself without it being suicide so your family doesn’t think they missed something.

It’s having everything under the sun to talk about and less than a handful of people who’d understand.

It’s walking into grocery stores and hearing how sorry someone is for you loss 6 months down the road and revisiting the exact moment you lost her. 

It’s taking this piece of paper that declares her dead around to banks, companies and lawyers to figure out her financials.

It’s not knowing how to plan a funeral because you’re not even old enough to drink yet.

It’s holidays without your moms home cooked meal.

It’s watching her Birthday pass and not being able to celebrate because she’s not here and it’s not right without her. 

it’s never eating her secret recipes that are your favorite because she didn’t get to teach you them yet. 

It’s calling her dad to tell him that she’s gone. It’s calling every family member to let them know. 

It’s writing a news paper article for your mom and not knowing what to say because even though you got 18 years together you don’t know everything you want to write about her. 

For me I watched my mother die, slowly and over the course of months without even knowing what was about to come.

For me it’s your brain replaying the moments leading up to, and every decision you made in those moments that lead to her dying. It’s regretting every angry teenager blow out of “ I hate you!” and the little arguments about something that didn't matter five minutes later. It’s blaming yourself for the death of your mother. It’s laying in bed until you no longer can because you just don’t feel like living. It’s avoiding her gravesite because something inside you says that it’s just a bad dream and tomorrow morning she’ll call you. It’s drinking so much alcohol you’re covered in your own vomit while telling your friends you want to drive your car into a tree so you can see your mom again. It’s smoking a pack a day because if they played a role in her death, I could just smoke until I drop dead myself. It’s almost giving up 5 years self harm free because although you are feeling empty, sad, tired and confused you’re completely numb to your own emotions and the only thing you can feel is pain. It’s finally admitting to your doctors that you need help and being put on medications for depression, anxiety and insomnia just to stare at those bottles every night and wonder what would happen if you took all 48 pills at once.

It’s losing the 2 weeks of coping skills / ways to deal with Depression and Anxiety that you knew so well when you were released from the hospital at 13.

It’s falling back into that dark hole you thought you escaped. 

It’s also everything you are used to doing reminding you of her which leads to a mental breakdown. It’s not being able to listen to any type of music without crying. It’s shutting out all of your friends with moms because you just cant stand to hear about their fights with their mom, what they did with their mom that day or the word mom at all. It’s canceling plans and taking your sleeping meds at 7am so you can just ignore the world for one more day. It’s losing your job because you’re so distracted with pain and grief that you just cant stand at a register and watch all the little kids shop with their mommas. It’s listening to people tell you how much you look like her and that it’s tragic she wont be there for your wedding or kids. It’s not wanting kids or a marriage because how do you do those things without your mom? 

It’s starring into a mirror and noticing little things about yourself that are like her and hating it because it’s just another reminder that she’s gone.

It’s waking up everyday, getting out of bed and still feeling like you’re standing in place at the end of that hospital bed and watching everyone else around you move on while you’re stuck with an image of your dead mother.

It’s breaking down into tears at random moments through out the day and not knowing way. 

It’s seeing a mom die on a TV show or Movie and laying there, hugging yourself while you try to hold it together. 

And when your mother was the only parent who truly supported your decisions, goals and dreams it’s like losing both parents. 

It’s your father not asking if you’re okay.

It’s feeling like your entire world has fallen apart and there is no one left to save you.

It’s constantly feeling like you’re chained to the bottom of the ocean and unable to breathe, and just when it can’t get worse it does, and sometimes you get a gasp of air but it doesn’t ever last.

It’s wanting to die, but not being able to do anything about it or anything to ease the pain in a way your brain wants to because you cant disappoint her. You’re better than that. 

It’s a never ending battle.

But,

Don’t get me wrong, there a good days in between stretches of bad days, but those good days bring guilt because how am I happy knowing that my mother is dead and I'm down here living? It’s hating people because they are alive and she’s not. The good days are there, but the bad days out weigh them.

Losing a parent is something that you just don’t expect and there is nothing that can prepare you for the pain and suffering that comes along with it. But if there is one thing you can do about it, is take in every waking moment you have with them and enjoy it. Enjoy the fights, enjoy the annoying over protective parenting skills and enjoy the fact that you still have them. Tell them you love them, that you care about them and celebrate them giving you the ability to do that, the ability to live. Because there will come a day where every single thing that ever happened between you and your parents will be a memory and you wont get the chance to create another. And when that day comes, you’ll regret not doing those things enough. 

It is a constant battle that I am still learning how to fight and one I’m still learning to want to win. 

So to the friends I’ve mistreated since, to the friends who feel forgotten and unappreciated, it’s not true. I think about you everyday, I miss you all everyday, but lately I barley have the energy to care for myself. I barley have the energy to keep myself alive. And I hope you understand that it’s not something you did and it’s not that I’m not here, I just need to be here for me, find who I am and get back on my feet before I take care of you. I’m not trying to be selfish, I just can not juggle your needs and my needs. Someday it might be easier, but I will never breathe without thinking about the death of my person. and please understand that my anger and jealousy that you still have your moms isn’t personal, I just wish I still had mine. So I’m sorry I’m so lost. I’m sorry I cant be the friend you need me to be, just know that if you’re ever in my shoes I will fight this battle with you because this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through in my life.

#personal #losing a parent #motherless #loss #grief #mental health

[ohdeargodnotyouagain]

So I’ve been fairly certain I was bisexual from a young age. Maybe eleven or twelve, but didn’t really understand it. Thought I was weird. It started to get really more apparent when I was fourteen to sixteen. I had just started high school. I think I told my mom first, who pulled the ‘baby I been knew’. And really didn’t care. Which was nice, but she treated me a little weird for a year or so. I think after she saw that I didn’t change as a person, she calmed down a lot.  I told my dad, who surprisingly, being the bible thumper he was later in life, very accepting. He said, “I don’t quite understand it, but it doesn’t change the way I see you. Or how I love you.” Which, trust me, and if you ever knew the relationship I had with my father, you’d know that was not only out of character... but something I still tear up about today. As it turned out my mother had told him a week or so before I had to prepare him. Weirdly enough, his response, “Huh.”  That wasn’t too out of character at least. Dad’s gone now. And in all honesty, I wish I had more time with the man who seemed like he wanted to know who I was. And not with the one that forgot I existed.  My brother didn’t take it too hot. But he didn’t take a lot of things well back then or even now. I never told my sisters, which I didn’t have a great relationship with either. Then far later when I was nearly an adult, one eldest sister came out to me, asking how my father would take it if she came out. “Well to be honest, he took it really well when I told him about me.”  And she was surprised I had admitted it. I hadn’t told anyone besides my parents. Then I started to tell my internet friends. One of them quickly became my girlfriend... and then: Dashia - I fell so fast, I smashed into the ground. She wasn’t out yet, I was. And she broke my heart a lot, but I couldn’t push her. Then I moved. Now she’s married to a woman and every conversation I feel like she wants to cross a line I won’t. Not until she breaks things off- I’m not gonna be the reason. Not to mention she have entirely different life goals and family plans... I know we’re better as friends. I talk to her now occasionally as strictly a friend, but I had cut her off back then. Rose - I met her online, and she helped me slowly move on from Dashia. I fell fast on the images she spun me. I read and wrote her stories back and forth, we roleplayed- it was magical. But as time went on, I noticed we argued a lot and we barely agreed on most anything besides her showing me I was supposed to be gay. And now that I’m older, I can easily see it was grooming me for doing things. She was manipulative and even came to my house. I did things I was really too young for.  Shayne - One week long field trip and this man was ready to marry me. I have to laugh, because we were so not good for each other. He had so many issues going on, and joined the military. When he came back he wasn’t the same guy. He went from someone who loved me with kindness- that wanted nothing more to take his family places... to someone angry from the core and steeped in his loneliness. I broke it off and I moved out of town to Roses house. I was barely sixteen and he had just turned 18. Rose - The same one as before... but I thought people changed. I was living in a dangerous situation and she offered my mother and I a way out. I was desperate and we left- moved states away and landed at “her” house. Turns out her brother and his husband owned it. She didn’t tell them. After a few month stay, her brothers husband backhanded my mother for doing dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher. I had us moved out within the hour, and homeless within a week. I hate that it was on her birthday, but I cannot begin to tell you how toxic she was either. She’d drive into oncoming traffic on a whim and then play the breaks and steering wheel are broke. We never dated this second time, but she did drug me into a wedding and she’s technically my ex-wife now. John - Another man from the military I met through a gaming event. We had a lot in common I thought... which was the military. He ended up giving me a ton of money to help me get an apartment while I was homeless... and then asked for things... in return for the money. I spent a lot of time paying him off. I wouldn’t call it a relationship, even though that was my excuse. He often told me he sent his soul to keep me safe from the violence... I felt more haunted than anything. Taylor - A military man who was so suicidal, I felt that if I didn’t stay, he wouldn’t either. Also through the same event I met John, I constantly felt like I was thrown between the two. If I wasn’t with one, I was with the other and it just, made me so sick mentally. I desperately needed to be free. So when I moved, I left everything behind all over again. Faith - If I couldn’t get more and more fucked up. It was so unhealthy and toxic. She lied to me about everything from her name to her age to- everything. And only told the truth further into things than it should have went. I thought she loved me, because the people we wrote loved each other. She cut things off finally because she wanted to be with someone else, and occasionally threatens me with the things we said under false pretenses. I have never answered, and wont.  I’ve dated around sense, it’s been a blip on the radar of those longterm ones. And as you can see there is a continued theme. After a long disappointing super hero background story, I’ve tried to bring myself to a better mindset and health wise. I’m working on both and I have better habits... Started to date again.  And I’m...slowly wondering if I’m going through another phase of tastes now that I’m older.  There was a thrill of dating a guy I suppose, but there wasn’t the pulling, all consuming, desire to be with a woman. I’m slowly realizing that perhaps I only seek relationships with men because its normal... And I’m brought back to the fact that I still live with my mother. And at this point, I’m not getting rid of her until she passes... so I might as well stay single anyway but-  ... I think I’m just a lesbian...  I mean seriously I can’t think of a single man I’d immediately spread for besides like Elliot Spencer from Leverage... Is he my straight  crush? I’m... I’m just...  Am I just going through a weird phase what THE fuck is going on with my brain lately at this point-

#I'm off my meds I think #My deepdive into apparent lesbianism #I'm very confused #tired #and gay #my life

[askthenewhopespeak]

Irene's Return Part 1.

Somewhere in Japan Irene Duncan was hiding, running away from all the chaos that was the Couple Games. She wasn’t a diplomat here, she was just a girl who tried to clear her head as she saw and heard her classmates - friends deal with Maverick Storm, his aunt and everything that risked the life everyone thought they were going to have from the beginning. Who was I kidding? I was sent there for a reason… And I couldn’t take it, I wasn’t prepared for all of this.

Back in hopes peak Shin was wondering something… almost everyone was here after the attack… wait… where was Jirami? she was gone…. for a bit… She must have slipped out during the chaos… he goes to the gym and pulls out his lap top, looking up anything for Jirami.

Damian frowns as he wanders the halls of the academy. He felt guilty for not noticing until now, but he couldn’t find Jirami- or rather Irene- anywhere.

She had left all her stuff in her room, she thought no one would notice - no one did back then, why would they notice now? Whoever passed by her room in the academy, could hear her phone and laptop, load up with notifications and messages. Whoever was curious enough, could see the latest message on her phone: “Fresh air. Home.” Whatever the code meant, only Irene could understand it.

Damian stops at Irene’s door one more time. He figured she wasn’t there the 1st time, but maybe at the least he could find something to get a lead on where she could be. “Hello?”

“So now you’re talking to doors, Damian? What a great way of killing time, but I fear that doors can’t hold interesting conversations.” Akira was leaning on the frame of his own door, smirking.

“What do you want Akira?” Damian growls, eyes narrowing as he turns to face the boy.

Shin walks over to the two, laptopin his arms “Hi guys… Where you wondering where Jirami-san went as well?”

The sound from behind Jirami’s door could be heard once again.

“Yeah, I was…” Damian trails off, body tensing up. “Something is in there.”

Shin trys to look inbetween the frame and the door.

“Looking between the frames isn’t going to work. We need to get in there.”

“Ok… Mr Neagi wont like it but i think we have to bust the door down”

“Agreed, on 3?”

“Ok…”

“One,”

“Two”

“Three!” Damian rushes the door at the same time as Shin.

Once they enter, they see a somewhat tidy room - except for all the papers and pages ripped on the bed, with information about Maverick Storm from the beginning of the year and nonsense phrases, a legend to understand some sort of code.

Her phone and laptop on the desk were showing all the messages she had gotten from the day she disappeared.

Damian goes to check her phone first.

At least 10 notifications can be seen on the block screen. Her password is her real last name, who knows it in the academy? Who remembers the incident in which it was revealed?

There is a dark haired girl somewhere in this school that knows it, but she is busy trying to not get involved in everything because she has caused enough harm. That’s why she didn’t say a word when her aunt dissappeared… because it was still her choice.

Her laptop though, was unlocked and all the files could be opened without any inconveniences. Mails sent in Morse code and documents written in the newly-made code found on the papers.

After letting the two others bust the door -no blame could be pinned on him- Akira entered the room like he owned it. Nothing wrong with being curious, right? He picked up a piece of paper at random. Everything in this room was suspicious at first glance. Even more so when he spotted the various names on the notes. “What does she know?”

All the information was about Maverick Storm yet they know how he ended up. She didn’t have anything to do with it, what was this for then? However in one of the papers, lost around the bed, was a hint for her actual location. A blueprint, a map of an abandoned building nearby the school.

Damian tries a bunch of different passwords, but he can’t seem to put his finger on the right one. “You guys find anything?”

While shuffling around the papers, he threw in a corner of the room everything that didn’t make sense and kept the notes about Storm, the code and the map. “Lot of weird things, for sure. Maybe it’s important.”

Down the paper, the meaning to fresh air and home could be read: “objective accomplished” and “return to base”.

Irene in her spot was looking out the window of the highest apartment in the building, wondering what her classmates were doing. Am I in danger? Is this all over? She thought, anxious.

If they won’t try to find me, maybe I should leave for good. I didn’t have anything else to do here…

On another paper, a lot of passwords could be read in Morse code, including the one to unlock her phone.

Damian pockets Irene’s phone for the time being, picking up her laptop as well. “We should tell the headmaster about Irene being missing if he doesn’t already know.”

“And what is he going to do about it? There’s only two options: either he’s too occupied with his wedding’s prepaeations to find a missing student, or he just really has no idea and that wouldn’t surprise me because it already happened.” Wait a minute… “Irene? Who… Ooooh. What a dirty little liar.” He glanced back at the pile of sheets he collected. “I’m taking that. And I’ll be going to the headmaster… You seem to have an idea in mind.”

Tired eyes narrow in suspicion of Akira for a moment, but moves on. “We’ll go together later. I want to look over everything here, but I feel like we shouldn’t tell them everything if they really aren’t aware of her absence; we’d risk losing an opportunity to keep investigating.”

“Okay, Boss, don’t give me that look.” He rolled his eyes. “Still, we’re kind of on the same wavelength. We don’t tell anything, and we have more freedom to search.” He took a glance around the room. “And I don’t think we’ll find anything else… Unless we try the drawers.”

The drawers only contained academy files and homework, all the information was around the room. Under the bed was a barely noticeable case. It contained an old-looking machine and pictures and one of them showed the building where she was in that moment, the picture was marked with a red circle.

Damian turns to leave, only to nearly trip on an object poking out from under the bed. “Huh?” He sets down the laptop he was holding and slides out what looks to be a case.

“Aaaah? Well, now I wouldn’t even be surprised if she hid a gun between her jeans and her shirts… or in her underwear drawer.” “That is way too much to hide for a regular person.”

“I think I found what we’re looking for.”

“Instead of throwing suspenseful sentences around, tell us.”

“She isn’t far from here, we could go find her right now.”

That… that was unexpected. He… honestly didn’t know how to react to it. Maybe… huh… disappointed? “… I really hope it’s not far at all, because it’s sneaking out time.”

“I… May know a way out during the night”

“Ah. My idea of sneaking out was more like… we go out from the front gate right now while trying not to run into Sly and Hijirihara.”

“We’ll need a distraction if we do so.” He pauses to think. “Sora.”

“That could work. All we have to do is convince her.” He didn’t comment on the fact that the first person he thought to use for this plan was a 13 year old girl.

“…She’ll understand once we explain what’s going on.” He says, noting Akira’s gaze on him.

“You sure are relying on her. I didn’t know you were close.”

At night, Irene Duncan was preparing for leaving Japan for good, for leaving behind the life as Jirami Senkou. Even though the principal threats weren’t dangerous anymore, she still trusted her braces with daggers. With a last deep breath, she looked outside the window to the academy and left the apartment slowly and quietly.

“Does anyone have Sora’s number?”

“Nope. I guess we have to do it the old way.”

The girl in question is napping in a closet somewhere on the floor.

“Should we split to search for her?” Three of them… shouldn’t take too long.

“Let’s hurry then, we have to catch Irene as soon as possible.”

“Then we are splitting up. ‘Kay, I’m going this way.” He pointed somewhere behind him and walked away.

Damian takes off down another direction.

He tried to do as little noise as possible while searching the halls. They didn’t even search her room… though there was very little chances that she’s actually be in it.

Akira is closer, there is a closet that meant to be for storing class stuff in a classroom down the hall, that’s where the girl slepped.

Well nothing in the halls, time to check the classrooms. He entered one at random and took a look at every hiding place possible before moving on to the next.

The girl is lying inside one of those, black hair all around her, cuddled into herself.

He gave a small knock on the closet door. “Wakey wakey!”

The girl shakes. “I’m up, dad."She almost immediately replys, hitting her head on the closet when she wakes up."Ouch. Akira? What do you want?”

He snickered. “I’d like a good coffee, but that’s not what I’m here for. Damian, Shin and I need your help.”

“What do you need that you couldn’t do when I was awake? And why me?”

“Can’t sneak out in plain daylight, according to the others. And you can guess why we need you.”

“Where y'all sneak out?” She asked, getting out of the cabinet so she could strach.

“Searching for Ji… Irene.”

“… Oh. Okay. Do you need me to sneak you out?”

“I guess. Do you know a way out except from the front and back entrance?”

“I assume you want only those that aren’t dangerous… Yeah, a few. But you could also ask someone to let you go out to the mall on the afternoon. It was done before.”

“I don’t assume responsibility for poor strategic choices. Blame the boss. Blame Damian.”

“I’ll help you all out… I want my aunt to be here when I’m born.”

“Thanks.” The tone was harsher than what he had intended.

“…Is something wrong?”

“No.” That’s what you get for not bearing to hear about the others’ happiness. “Let’s find the others and get out of here as quick as possible.”

“Okay.” She grabs his hand. “Let’s go.”

He wasn’t okay with this, but he let it go. He lead her in the direction supposedly one of the two others took.

She follows him, kind of feeling like a little kid.

They meet back up with Damian, who stands near one of the stairwells in an effort to avoid cameras.

She lets go of Akira, sensing she’s unwanted, and looks at Damian. “Let’s get you out if here.”

“Sorry to ask you for help like this.” He apologizes, looking away.

“I want my aunt back.” She eyed him for a moment in consideration of something, half smile rising. She’d have to ask Kaede for help, but it might work…

“Do you want me to come or just to get you our of here?”

“It’s up to you, Shin is coming with us too.”

“So let’s get him and I’ll show you our way out.”

“Right.” Damian nods.

“Im here And ready!”

“Alright, let’s do this then.”

She leads the boys to a point in the gates around the school she knows the security barely ever reaches. “Let’s hope they won’t change their rounds in the next few years.” She said, climbing the tree near the gate that she could reach outside. “Entering back would be harder, that tree is much closer for where dad does look.”

He sighed. “Great, we are doing gymnastics to get out. I love it already. So does the metal thread keeping my rotula together.” He started climbing anyway.

“C'mon, I did it barefooted. This tree is an easy one.” “And you could have walked out of the main gate earlier and no one would’ve said a word.”

He laboriously reached a high enough branch while mumbling to himself: “As if they would listen to me…” He dropped to the other side as gently as he could… not enough.

“You okay?” She looked at him

“Ouch… Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“You didn’t hit anything, right? Do you need help to stand?”

“No, I didn’t… A human crutch would be appreciated.”

“I’m short enough to do it.” She smiled. “Here.”

He leaned on her. “Thanks. I’m way heavier than you, stop when it hurts.”

“I’m stronger then I look!”

“… Sure.”

“I’ll get Damian or Shin to replace me later, don’t worry. Where are we going?”

“Damian has the map.”

“You really weren’t planning this well.” She looks down to her feet, half smiling.

Damian lands behind them using an arrow tied with a rope to lower him down.

“Nice party trick.” She blessed.“It’s not that high, yknow.”

“Work in progress. And yeah, I guess it wasn’t. Anyway,” Damian pulls the map out of his pocket. “We’re headed to this building.”

“This is where au-Irene is?”

“Hopefully she’ll still be there. Let’s get going. Shin come on!”

Shin is on his way.

Irene was just getting out of the building when they were on their way. She tried to show the pride she still had and faced them from a distance. “I guess all trails lead here, don’t they? I shouldn’t have left my stuff behind.”

“Jirami- I mean, Irene…you’re safe.” Damian says relieved.

“Who do you think I am, Damian? Of course I am, I know how to be.” She crossed her arms with a frown. “And these classmates of ou- yours? You do have a way with words, it seems. What are you all doing here?”

“We came to find you.” He responds.

Sora waves, smiling. “Heya, auntie.”

He frowned in response. “You’ve got some nerve, being such a dick after all the lies you’ve fed us.”

“Be nice, Akira.” Sora warned, turning to glare at him.

“For a good reason. I don’t have anything else to do here and for this-,” she pointed at him quite accusingly, “is why I didn’t want to explain what happened.”

“Please don’t leave.” Sora said. “Ignore Akira. Please don’t leave.

"I can understand there are truths you want to hide, but outright leaving and treating us as if we were expendable isn’t going to solve the problem. I’m not contesting the fact you don’t want to talk -you’re even admitting to your lies-, no, what bothers me is that you act like we’re lowly creatures in front of you.” He let go of Sora’s shoulder and reached for something in his pocket. “Ignoring me would be a sign of weakness.”

“It’s called a defense method, Romanov. Simple psychology.” She put her hands behind her back and looked to the black sky above them then sighed. “I wouldn’t even treat you like 'lowly creatures’ because you are like me, it’s my philosophy. But I have nothing else here, nothing else to do here…” Her eyes met his again and tilted her head with a frown, “do you have something to show me?”

“I don’t.” Sora admitted. “They woke me up so I could get them out of the school, I don’t even have shoes. But.. I came because I want you to be there. Because… Well, most of what I want to say is spoilers, but you are my aunt. And I want my family to be happy.”

“Meh. I suck at psychology anyway. All I do is that I confront people.” He pulled out the papers he had taken from her room. “I don’t have emotional arguments -if you don’t have any sort of feeling for none of us, so be it. But I don’t think leaving everything behind as if they’d be sure to come back and staying around for 4 extra months is something someone in the mindset of "I have nothing here, I’ll leave” would do.“

"I ran away. That’s what that kind of people do, they stay and watch… To be honest, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright, that what I did was enough. I wasn’t supposed to make emotional links with any of you. None of you looked for me anyway - or tried to.” She ignored Sora for the moment and swallowed hard before facing Akira and his accusing tone. “I tried to detach myself from you all. That’s what I did for four months.”

“Guilty as charged. A lot of things happened, a lot of them wrong… But I don’t think that counts as an excuse.” He smirked at the last sentence. “Can’t detach yourself if you’re not attached in the first place.”

“Do you think I’m an idiot? I know that! That’s one of my worst weaknesses and I accepted it but my cowardice about facing my emotions is stronger than acceptance… I lied to you all, I’m not the person you thought I was,” she dropped her gaze to the floor and glanced at Sora. “I don’t belong to your dimension or time anyway.”

“So?” Sora asked. “There would be baby me , in a but. Why shouldn’t she have my favorite aunt?”

She sighed in defeat. That’s not what I meant… she wanted to say but couldn’t, she didn’t have the energy to explain the meaning. “Tell me why should I go back to Hope’s Peak. All of you, give me your reasons and be objective.”

Sora has no real answer, not one that isn’t selfish. So she says just that. “Because I am being selfish.” She pulled her shoulders. “That’s my story.”

“I don’t think that’s a matter of what you should do, but what you want to do. But if you want to play it like that, you have plenty: in some subjects we have the best teachers we could dream of, we have a great chef, this school could use more people with common sense… There are also a lot of reasons not to stay that I could detail too, so you can make an objective choice. Or you can just do whatever the fuck you want, for no other reason than that.”

“….” Damian frowns, putting some thought into why. “I came to find you because I wanted to be sure you were…okay after the attack. After losing two of the teachers I cared about and seeing my best friend shot, I didn’t want to see anyone else disappear.” He pauses, looking away while gripping his jacket sleeve. “I don’t have a good reason to ask you to stay. I just know that you’ve done a lot for me as well as the school. And I’d like to think that you don’t really want to go, despite your…orders.” He pulls her phone out of his pocket for emphasis. “You don’t have to cut us off just because your job is done. None of us look at you like a bad guy despite your change, we see you as a friend, as family.”

“I dont know you well, but your nice, dispite orders, i know you ca at least stay in contact…”

She chuckles after a long minute of silence, taking a hand to her face. “If I go back and trouble starts again for some reason, you’ll ask me to stay away from danger. Our team got dissolved because of reasons you don’t need to know but this is my job and I won’t stop until the academy and everyone is safe. That’s it.” “I can do it from inside or outside but there are less risks here,” she motioned at the surroundings as she said. “Do you have something against this?”

“Keep everyone safe?” Damian repeats in thought. “Is this really the way to keep everyone safe? By cutting yourself off from attachment and relationships with those around you?”

“Yes!” She exploded, “because I don’t make stupid choices if I’m not attached!”

“Then what do you live for? do you just do you job, not enteracting with people?”

“Stupid choices? Getting to know any of us, my birthday, helping me when I was arrested? Was it all just stupid choices?!”

She visibly flinched at Damian’s argument and averted her gaze. “This is why. And Shin, I do interact with people. I’m a diplomat but I was about to be an ultimate and for the reasons you hear and see right here and now. You’re all Japanese and I’m Latina, our cultures are way different so don’t judge how I work. I just want to do what’s right.”

“I Dont care about your natinoality, And running off pretending that your in the right isnt good,”

“You don’t get anything. You don’t understand what’s going on here,” she said, tapping her temple with a finger and frowning. “We always wait for the worst to actually learn about right decisions.” Her eyes met Damian’s, “you are an example of that.”

“…..” Damian eyes flash with pain and anger- more to himself than her- as he walks up to her and holds out her phone. “Do what you want. I’m glad to see you’re alive at the very least.” “I’m going back now, because you’re right about waiting for the worst.” He looks like he wants to say more, but his thoughts seem to clash even more than before.

Irene sighs after Damian is out of hearing range. “Why saying the truth is always so painful?” Why this feeling is so familiar? “I’m going back but remember to keep your distance from me.” Damn you Dami… She thought as she shook her head while walking painfully slowly to the academy.

Sora leads the way back to the school. you’ll understand in time, she hoped.

Akira was also walking very slowly, but apparently not for the same kind of pain. He wasn’t even sure he could climb back to get into the school again… He didn’t want to think about what just happened at all. Wrong decisions, bad decisions… Stop it. Stop it all. He’s done things wrong and he knows it. That’s why he is like that now. Like… Stop it.

#Jirami Senkou #akira romanov #sora hijirihara #damian miraz #shin kawaguchi #i think that's everyone #please inform me if I did miss one of the characters involved #danganronpa #submission #renegade--soul

[ncstings]

distracting kiss as another one for benjie & georgia i mean!!! ( i guess it fits? )

he said this would be good for her. whatever the fuck that means.

“closure at the least.”

closure? who needs fucking closure when you’re perfectly fucking happy in new york, with your friends, and your hot scottish boyfriend, and your family barely even crosses your mind.

“seems there’s a lot unresolved there.” he says.

what the fuck does he know?

but there they were, in line to get their luggage checked at the air port. after weeks of heated conversation. after benjamin assured her that in the end, he’d support whatever she wanted, but he believed it was right just to be there. georgia always told him he didn’t know what kind of family she had. and they knew of unsavory families. georgia’s shared details of maggie’s siblings, and her lack of parents in adulthood. they know that vincent has no family anymore. but georgia explains this is very different than that.

it’s all fake. nothing matters. she’s not that person anymore.

“what kind of person?” he asks.

she warns him that he’s going to be disappointed. ohio is bottom of the barrel. not like florida is bottom of the barrel where you can make jokes about it and it’s like some alternate reality. no, this was a suburb of ohio. meaning when they came in, and she forgot her deodorant, they had to go to a wal-mart. a place, she explained, benjamin had had the pleasure of never going to before. when they were hungry, the only interesting choice that wasn’t a chain, was the local chinese place. delicious, sure, but options were not plentiful.

he knew she was tense the entire time. he kept rubbing her leg or taking her hand or kissing behind the ear. in the uber ride into town, he said no matter how it turned out, he’d be right there. at least she’d have him.

and thank fucking christ for that.

they joke about fucking all the time. and usually, they end up actually fucking. but when he’s try to pass flirtations, he was met with flat comments. she was too busy with having to see the family.

“wait, i’m sorry, what’s your brother’s name?” he asks when he sits on the bed at their air bnb, georgia changing into more comfortable clothes.

“tennesse.” she sighs. “my older sister’s name is montana, and my younger sister is virginia.”

“and you’re georgia.” he finishes.

“welcome to the family.” she winces a smile. “betty and mike are a real treat.” 

her shoulders feel like they’re wound up like a rubber band. it’s written all over her so benjamin changes the subject. “have you ever read tennesse williams?”

“what?” she looks up, surprised in the shift. “no.” she shakes her head.

“fantastic playwright. one of the best of the modern generation.” he nods. “i’m sure i have a play of his buried somewhere in my place, i should let you borrow one. you’d like it.” he pats the space beside him. “come lay down, you look like you’re going to burst.”

“i just might.” she chuckles, sliding next to him. not a typical position, but she finds herself bending down to lay her head in his lap. his fingers running through her hair.

“what on earth did this family do to you?” he whispers.

on the outside, it looks like your average upper middle class house. white picket, shiny cars in the driveway, two stories. five bedrooms, three baths. a finished basement. everything you’d expect in a white family’s perfect home in the perfect suburb.

they got there early. her mom said she needed help setting things up. virginia was going to get married in the backyard. apparently it was less about the money (which there would have been enough to have a perfectly respectable wedding), and more about the time frame. for some reason, they wanted to get married as quickly as they could. hence the wedding only 3 months after the engagement.

georgia bought a new dress. something benjamin points out as he sat in a chair, typing his black shoes.

“you have plenty of lovely dresses.” he mentions.

“i couldn’t wear any of those.”

“why not?” he asks.

“i just couldn’t.”

she didn’t want to admit it was on principle of impressing them. she hated admitting to herself she was still caught up in that bullshit.

the dress is soft and gentle. hugs her curves but is still playful, not showy. she liked it. a lot less scandalous then some other things she’s worn. it’s below the knee and respectable, but still her.

he tells her she looks stunning and kisses the lipstick off her. she has to reapply in the uber. tell him not to mess with it again. but she hopes he does. always.

betty opens the door and the grin is immediate. “oh darling, look at you!” she extends her arms into a wide hug, embracing her daughter tightly and dragging her inside. “so good to see you finally. i was worried when you didn’t text or call saying you came in alright.”

“i was tired.” she says in a quick response, giving her mother a half hug. when she pulls away, she clears her throat, and gestures to benjamin. “this is benjamin, my boyfriend.”

“pleasure.” he says, extending his hand. 

“yes, this is the man from across the pond, i remember!”

she told them about him last christmas. her first serious partner since the big ex. they’re always hounding her about it, and it slipped out. she’s regretted it since.

“well let’s go in. i need help making the flower arrangements. ben, i hope you wont get too bored. if you want something to do, the guys are watching the game in the other room.”

“he doesn’t care about that stuff, mom.” she sighs, putting her purse on the table when they get into the kitchen.

“i like sports.” his hands are sliding into his pockets and he looks around.

georgia shoots daggers into him, but it softens in a moment. she can’t be mad. not when she hasn’t warned him.

“oh course you do!” betty exclaims. “let me get you a beer.”

“don’t---,” she’s cut off by the sound of the opening fridge, and a bottle being opened. 

“here dear. the guys are just downstairs in the man cave.” she’s glowing, and it makes georgia sick. “i swear, we made that man cave and it’s like i never see my husband anymore.” she laughs, and georgia watches as she reaches for a wine glass.

benjamin has the beer in his hand, and he starts to head in the direction of the basement, but georgia follows. she takes the beer out of his hand as he’s going for a sip. “it’s eleven ben, don’t drink that.” she whispers, ducking into the half bath.

“i didn’t want to be rude.” he stands in the doorway, where she’s dumping the contents down the sink.

“i don’t want either of us drinking today.” she says quietly. her words aren’t controlling, they’re not tense. it’s almost like a plea, looking over her shoulder at him, her lips in a flat line.

“okay.” he nods. “no drinking. i promise.” he puts his hand over his chest. “do you want me to go downstairs?”

“georgie! you have to come see what we did to your old room!” her mother shouts.

“it’s fine.” she nods.

“are you sure?” he reaches for her hand. “i am here for you.”

“it’s going to be more trouble if you don’t.” she gives his hand a squeeze and steps out. “take this.” she hands him the bottle. “if you don’t have one they’ll just give you another.” she sighs, disappointed at her words as if it’s already happened.

and sure enough, her bedroom was converted. not that georgia’s been back to this house since the breakup, really. it’s been a long time. the smell of her juicy perfume is gone. the posters are off her wall. she’s not mad that it’s a crafting studio now. she couldn’t care less. but it feels like a passage of time. even more of a farewell to this youth she knew in this home. she is even more a stranger than she was before.

so betty asks. asks and asks and asks. half of the questions are questions she asks every year. how is work? home much do you make again? well what about a pension, do you have insurance? does ben treat you right? is the sex good? so is navy really a fall color like she read in her magazine? she asks if she’s talked to brad. she wonders out loud what he’s up to. her jaw tenses and she’s pretty sure she pricks her finger on a rose when she speaks of kimberly. then she says tennesse is having his third kid. jossiah, they’re going to name him. she wants to bang her head against the wall but she keeps putting the roses with the dahlia’s.

“he’s not young.” she finally says. “how old is he?” her words are a whisper, even though they’re the only one on this floor.

“forty, mom. he’s only ten years older than me.” she keeps her eyes on the flowers.

“well, does he have any kids? are you going to be a stepmom?”

“i don’t even like to assume we’re going to take it that far. but yes, mom, he has a kid. he’s a very sweet boy, but he lives with his mom most of the time, and he’s a teenager so it’s not like there’s much parenting going on there.” she doesn’t dare bring up the time she saw devon at a place he certainly should not have been.

he mother is silent for a moment, an absolute rarity, but then she speaks. “are you sure he’s going to give you what you want?” she whispers. 

“i think that’s for me to find out, and you not to worry about.” she nods.

“alright, alright.” she holds up her hands. “i’ll back off.”

there’s a loud noise coming from the basement, and georgia feels her stomach churn. 

“you know what?” her mother says, sipping from her second glass of wine. “you should say hello to your father.”

but georgia’s already walking away from the counter to go find out what the noise was. each step has her body trembling even more, unsure of what she’s going to find. when she finally reaches the last step, and turns the corner, all she sees is benjamin at the pool table, with her brother. her father sitting in the recliner, watching the large tv.

“hey, love.” he grins, holding the pool stick. “your brother’s not a gracious loser.”

“your man’s a cheat.” tennesse points, beer in one hand, stick in the other. he points with his beer hand. “which figures.” he shrugs, holding a stupid grin.

“figures because why, ten?” she tilts her head.

“he’s a scot!” her dad booms from the seat, errupting in laughter, which her brother follows.

“that’s not even a stereotype that makes sense dad.” she shakes her head. 

“come give your old man a kiss.” he waves his hand behind the recliner and she knows she has to. she walks around and sees him. sure enough, looks like he never gets out of that damn chair. his face sags a bit more now from when she last saw him. he’s a bit rounder in the face and the belly. she bends down to give him a kiss on the cheek. “ahhh look at my girl.” he puts a hand on her arm, but she stands after giving him his kiss. she notices how he doesn’t say baby girl or beautiful girl. he jaw tenses. “what are you wearing?” he winces, reaching over for his glasses to put them on and get a closer look. “this is a wedding, not a night on the town, georgia.” he scolds, and georgia looks up to benjamin.

“thanks dad.” she nods

“come on dad, georgie’s always been the fun one.” tennesse leans on his pool stick, grinning like he knows something. 

because he fucking does and she wants to smack him.

“are we having fun?” she says, giving a tight-lipped smile.

“yeah.” ben nods. “i’m sure tennesse disagrees but i’m having fun.”

“not for long, i’ll make a fool out of you soon enough.” tennesse wags another finger at him, getting ready to take his shot.

“great.” she nods. “guess i’ll go back upstairs.”

she does. it’s the lesser of two evils, she decides, being stuck with her mother arranging flowers. she reminds herself that maggie’s brother is a dead beat, coked out fool that she has to babysit still well into his thirties. she reminds herself vincent lost his parents. she tells herself her rage needs to be placed elsewhere. she pricks herself on another thorn and she thinks that’s good enough.

montana comes with her husband, littered with distant family she hasn’t seen in close to fifteen years. she gives them polite greetings but they’re there to set up the arrangements in the back, so they don’t linger long. montana’s kids run around, screaming throughout the house to the back yard. 

montana kisses georgia’s forehead when she comes in. graceful, soft, gentle. she speaks as if she’s still on that stage winning miss ohion. georgia still looks at her like she wears the crown.

“you look stunning.” montana croons.

georgia thinks about the time montana threw cake in her face when she was fourteen and she nods. 

but montana was the best. in comparison. at least montana had soft hands. at least montana held her hair back when she puked in the toilet from too much to drink. at least montana told the boys to get off her lawn. at least montana braided her hair after virginia cut half of it off. montana was the one with the wedding magazines.

montana was who she wanted to be.

she was better at reigning their mother in, so she takes over for helping them out. she plucks the wine glass out of her hand more often than georgia would ever have the courage to. when she looks over once when montana did it, she takes a sip herself a winks. it’s hard not to gag. feeling she’s seventeen again trapped in this too big house that closes in on her chest. 

virginia finally comes two hours before the ceremony. her hair and makeup already done, they rush her to their parent’s room to get ready. georgia doesn’t go. it’s a bit too much. knowing that force is in the house. she can’t help but walk down the steps to the basement. she can only make it to the entrance, looking at benjamin sits with the group of men. what used to be three of them now duplicated to six. she clears her throat. benjamin looks up instantly, and he’s to his feet. there’s some dumb joke that someone says and ben replies that makes everyone laugh. she’s not even listening, just walks back up the stairs and goes back to that half bath where she dumped out his beer.

he closes the door behind himself and she steps forward, grabbing the hand towel off the rack and pressing it to his chest.

“what’s wrong?” he reaches up, his hand cupping her face.

she doesn’t respond. all she does is press her face into the cloth and yell. it rattles her bones, tears her throat. it peppers her eyes with the threat of tears but she wont allow the satisfaction of walking out of this bathroom with ruined makeup.

he wraps a tight arm around her and when she runs out of breath, she lets out another one.

“what happened?” he looks with concern when she steps back, leaning against the sink.

“nothing.” she takes in a deep breath. “it’s just being here.”

it’s all the little things. the little words and the little looks. the little memories. just being here; all the things she spent her entire childhood putting up with, it suffocates her now.

“we can leave.” he puts his hands on her shoulder. “we’ll go right now, just sleep in bed until our flight in a couple days. go back, forget about this.”

“no.” she shakes her head. “i’m here now. if i leave then there will just be more talk.”

“why would that bother you if you hardly talk to them to begin with?”

“i don’t know.” she sighs. “but let’s just... finish the night.”

“okay.” he nods. “i’ll stick with you for the rest of it, okay? promise.” he bends down, kissing her temple. “you need to fix this?” he says, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb.

the first time she sees virginia, the first time since she was eighteen, was when she walked down the aisle. clearly the money was put somewhere, because georgia recognizes the dress instantly. can’t help but snort when she sees her walking with pride. wonders if daddy coughed up the 15k for the dress or if she managed a loaded hubby like she always dreamed. she’s got her arms crossed over her chest and watches as she meets her beau at the end. they exchange their vows, and she notices something funny.

leaning over to benjamin, she whispers. “does he sound funny to you?”

“i don’t know, he’s pretty quiet.” he’s got his arm on the back of her chair, a thumb rubbing the skin on her arm. 

thankfully, it’s a quick ceremony, and the reception begins quick enough. ben makes a passing comment about the size of their backyard and georgia laughs. explains that when their parents were away, tennesse would throw ragers, and typically there were three or four cars driving recklessly in the back yard.

they take their seat where they were assigned, and georgia doesn’t think to get up. even when family members come to say hello. she’s polite, introduces ben, and they move on. it’s clear she’s not entertaining the idea of a reunion tonight.

the bride and groom take their seat at the head of the table. georgia sits beside ben, with montana and her family beside her, and tennesse on the other side of the table, her parents at the end as well. 

she knew her father was gone. sure, physically he was present, but his eyes heavily indicated the beer had checked him out hours ago. betty carried the conversations on his behalf. but her rosy cheeks and increasing volume showed she’d had a good amount of wine too. 

“i took a trip to new york last fall.” tennesse switches the conversation, with grabs georgia’s attention. “you wont believe who i ran into.”

she’s already scowling at him, but her mother leans in to show she’s very curious. “who’s that?”

“bradley.” she grins. “isn’t that the funniest thing? i was doing a recruitment gig and we just so happened to be at the same event.”

“what was that, the bootlickers convention?” georgia grumbles.

“hey.” montana slaps her arm.

“he looked good though.” tennesse continues. “still the big burly guy we remember. and he was with someone.”

“oh, good for him.” betty croons.

“yes, georgia, what happened to bradley?” finally, their father speaks up, leaning around to look directly at her. “i quite liked that man. you should have fought for him.”

“dad, benjamin is sitting right here.” she growls.

“no offense, chap, but what is it you do again?” he reaches to put a hand on his shoulder.

benjamin, who’s starting to look uncomfortable, clears his throat. “i’m a professor. chemistry at columbia.” he whipes his mouth with a napkin and readjusts in his seat. “it’s really interesting actually, but teaching there---.”

he’s cut off by her father who waves him off. “that’s fine and well, but bradley you know, he was a real upstanding guy. he was a linebacker for st. johns. what did you tell me when you told me about him earlier, ten?”

“he works for espn now.” her brother says with pride, as if that’s his job. but georgia always knew her brother had a hard-on for her ex. for as proud as he was for being a major in the army, he sure wished he was a sports star.

she rolls her eyes. “can we stop please? brad didn’t appreciate me, and he didn’t support me. once he knew he was better than i was and i no longer benefited him, he left me.”

“doesn’t he date a victoria secret model now?” virginia finally chimes in, because of course she needs to add to this conversation.

“who cares!” she slams her hand onto the table.

“well i care, i just want the best for you, georgia.” her father says.

“no, you just liked the free football tickets.” 

“georgia,” her mother adds.

“oh shut up, you just liked him because he snuffed me out.” her jaw tenses. “you all liked him because he had me on a tight leesh and i could never be myself.”

“if this is yourself, i’d say you’re right.” virginia sips her wine. “nice dress by the way.”

“i’ll fucking kill you.” georgia starts to get up from her seat, but benjamin puts a hand on her lap.

“we love you, georgia.” montana’s soft voice comes in from beside her, a hand on her back. “we don’t want to upset you. let’s just enjoy tonight, okay? no more talk of bradley.”

georgia looks between montana and benjamin. of course montana had the soothing voice to get her back to her cool, and benjamin’s tender squeeze to ground him in his presence. bradley would never.

“i want you all to know that i couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend in ben. he makes me happy and makes me a better person and i love him and that’s it.”

there’s silence for a while. people poke at their foods and eat quietly with the music playing, now in a tight spot. but it’s stopped by someone clinking a fork to their champagne glass.

georgia looks up to see the groom stand. looking a bit uneasy by the conversation that unfolded in front of him. he starts to talk about thanking everyone, and how this family has given him so much. he’s still quiet, even now only seven feet away, so she leans in closer, trying to make out his voice. was it an accent? well where to?

he talks about virginia. how beautiful she was when they first met, and how none of that has changed. he brings up how happy he is to be part of this family now, how he wished his own family in ireland could have come to, but he knows they’re here in spirit.

“you’re fucking kidding me.” she leans back in her seat, fingers pressing to her forehead. benjamin’s hand finds her knee and gives it a squeeze.

everyone gives a cheers after he’s done and he sits back down, the newlyweds sharing a tender kiss, which gets them another round of applause. 

clearing her throat, she leans forward again. “tell me again when you guys started dating?” she presses her lips together.

“it was about eight months ago.” the man smiles tenderly. “it’s quick but we’re so in love.”

georgia nods, running her tongue over her teeth. “ginny, when did i last call you?”

“that’s a silly question.” ginny shrugs casually. “how could i possibly remember.”

“this is ridiculous. when are you going to stop?”

“stop what, georgia.” virginia rolls her eyes. “seriously, you’re being so awful tonight. this is the first time you’re home in like years and you’re just going to be a mega bitch? on my wedding day?”

“because you never stop. because you always wanted to shut me out. you cut my hair in my sleep, you started horrific lies about me when we were literal children. when tennesse told his stupid baseball friends that i was “easy” and “willing” you just invited them into the fucking house. and what, so they could ruin my life?” georgia leans back in her chair, fingers raking through her hair. “and when that wasn’t enough you got into stanford so nyu would look like shit in comparison. you couldn’t handle me dating bradley because god forbid i date a guy that everyone likes. so you feed him more lies and tell him i’m a fucking gold digger. and when my life was falling apart after he left and i got a chance to actually make a career, well perfect, you just started a business so no one could give a shit about my career taking off. now you have your irish husband because i can’t have that either. great. you won. you are the better sister. i was weaker than montana and you could choke me out.”

virginia blinks, and then looks to her husband. “see, i told you she was crazy.”

“georgia, really, that’s a bit accusatory, isn’t it?” her mother adds. “just calm down. i have a xanax in my room, do you want me to get you one?”

“i can’t fucking believe this. i can’t believe i came.” she shakes her head. “can’t i just be happy? can’t i just be successful and with a person who loves and respects me? why can’t i just be good enough?”

“maybe you’re just projecting, g.” virginia says. for being younger, she always sounds so fucking condescending. “maybe we’re loving and supportive and you just think so low of yourself you think everyone else does do.”

there’s a sound that follows immediately. a loud snort. benjamin coves his mouth as he laughs. shaking his head, he leans forward at the table. 

“what’s so funny?” virginia frowns.

“sorry.” he waves his hand, wheezing again before controlling himself to speak. “this is the most confident woman i’ve ever met. there’s not an ounce of self doubt in her body. it’s one of her biggest strengths. sometimes a bit too confident. to suggest she’s not that’s---...” he cuts himself off, thinking for a moment. “georgia what’s that word for when you make someone feel something--- that manipulation tactic.” he snaps his fingers.

“gaslighting?” she furrows her eyebrows together, a bit charmed, but mostly confused.

“yes! thank you. you’re gaslighting her.” he puts an arm around her chair. “truthfully, i didn’t know what we were going to find coming here. georgia doesn’t talk about her family much, which is fine. now i know why. none of you are scary, you’re just really off the rails. like---” he whistles, looking around. “wow.”

“ben...” she whispers.

“no, it’s okay.” he nods. “i felt pretty good coming in. you were friendly enough. sure i noticed some things. little comments and mannerisms, but what family isn’t off with their flaws. but no, that’s just when the suns up and you’re around a stranger. it’s insane how you treat your family.” he leans forward in his chair, looking at every single one of them. “i can say with confidence that i will never see any of you ever again. but i hope maybe you can sit with a grown adult man--- with a phd i might add, sir,” he looks over to her father. “calling you out on your bullshit. i hope your children and grandchildren wont have to grow up in this. and while you made georgia the woman she is, and i suppose i have to thank you for that, it seems it’s in despite of your terrible treatment. so do better. for the sake of your future family, do better.”

he starts to get up from his chair, and georgia’s going to follow when virginia speaks up. “oh, so you’re both crazy, and unbelievably rude.”

“shut the fuck up you little rat-faced gremlin.” georgia hisses.

virginia’s face tenses, and she stands, grabbing her wine glass and throwing the contents at georgia. of course, it’s a considerable distance, so the cherry liquid splashes, causing droplets to his both benjamin, and montana. but her body freezes, looking down at the stupid five hundred dollar dress she bought for this dumb wedding. 

benjamin’s got a hand on her waist, holding her in place as she processes the moment. but when she doesn’t move, virginia cries and grabs her steak knife. “now leave or i’ll bleed you both dry.” it doesn’t really seem like an empty threat by the severity of her tone, but georgia knows virginia is a coward.

“classy.” she nods, grabbing her purse. “i hope you all rot.”

“georgia.” her father groans, adjusting in his seat. he pulls out his wallet, taking out a couple hundred bills. he hands it to her like it’s muscle memory.

she’s insulted, but that doesn’t stop her from snatching the money. mostly because it makes virginia’s nose crinkle in disgust. “i’m going to use this to get a nose job. oh wait, that was you.” 

benjamin drags her off before things could truly get violent, as the anger was starting to burn in her younger sister’s face. 

maybe if this were a different time, the tears would have burned hot and bitter down her face as they left, but the second benjamin pushed through the side gate of their yard, and they were out, she felt herself give out.

“georgia, i am so sorry.” benjamin looks over at her, walking down the driveway to the curb. he’s reaching for his phone to call them a car. “i’m so sorry i brought you back here.”

she stops when they get to the sidewalk, and she looks at the houses around them. the houses she grew up looking at everyday. wondering if their lives were any different. if they were any better.

“no, you were right.” she nods, looking over at him. “i needed this.”

“what?” he says, surprised by the reaction.

“i’ve spent my entire life with just this little strand connecting me to them. always wanting to impress, never living up. pretty much all days i don’t care but then it’s one phone call and i’m slipping back into this toxic cycle of being vicious to everyone only to get the viciousness back.” she clears her throat. “i was no better than them, benjamin.” she whispers. “i used to spit in montana’s food. i told girls tennesse had the clap. and i always told virginia she was going to need fake tits to get a guy.” she rubs a hand over her face. “wasn’t until i got out that i, you know, saw the world and grew the fuck up. they disgusted me and that pain of everything really set in. but i always had a part of me that was still with them. and now... i’m done.”

“georgia, you’re not as bad as them.” he shakes his head.

“no... no i’m grown past that now. not what i used to be but now it’s different. and i wont let them treat me like the runt anymore.” she steps forward, putting her hands on his shoulder. “i have the best family in the world in new york. i don’t need those clowns. i just need you.” she smiles. “my ivy league doctor.” she runs her hands over his chest.

“i’m sorry she ruined your dress.” rubbing her arm, he gives her a kiss to her temple. “it was going to be a new favorite of mine.”

“it’s fine. it was my fault for not assuming it was going to happen. she almost always throws something in my face.” she sighs.

“wow.” benjamin shakes his head, opening the car door for her when their uber pulls in. “i am frankly shocked your bar is so low.”

“once she threw an entire glass at me, so consider this an improvement.” she buckles herself in, and when he gets in, her hand finds his thigh. “thank you for coming with me. there probably would have been bloodshed if you hadn’t.”

“i would never have let you do this alone.” he takes her hand and gives her knuckles a kiss. “but now we can take that cash, get a really nice bottle of whatever you want, and lay in bed the rest of the night.”

“can we do other stuff?” she smirks.

“you... want to?” he looks between her and the driver. “after what happened back there?”

“i’m really high off the adrenaline of calling my sister a rat-face gremlin and telling my whole family to rot so i’m super up for it.” she nods with enthusiasm. “plus you defending me like that really added to the whole event.”

“i wish i’d spoken up more.”

georgia shakes her head. “it’s okay. there’s no defending you could have done that would have made a difference to them.” she leans over in the car to kiss his cheek. “you are amazing, you know that right?”

“i’m no linebacker though. whatever that means.” he snorts.

“don’t even.” she pulls back with a laugh. “you’re better than every football player in the entire nfl.”

“that’s a bold statement. i’m sure there’s one that could stack up against me.”

she shakes her head, her finger reaching to brush against his wrist. “they’re all dead to me.”

he grins, leaning over himself to take her face in his hands to give her a long kiss. the kind that sweeps you up. where he heart stops beating and she forgets to breath because she feeling everything he needs her to know. the kind of kiss that says i love every ounce of you. the kind that says fuck your family, i’m here. 

#> ◦ georgia & benjamin .

[hatnews3-blog]

Ask Ausiello: Spoilers on Good Place, Riverdale, Timeless, B99, Resident, Million Little Things, Flash and More

Got a scoop request? An anonymous tip you’re dying to share? Send any/all of the above to [email protected]

Question: Got any Riverdale scoop? What’s next for Archie? —Kerri Ausiello: When we last saw Archie in the fall finale, he was dyeing his famous red locks and making a run for the Canadian border. Executive producer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa won’t tell us who he finds when he gets there, but “he is headed into the Canadian wilderness, for sure.” He won’t be seeing his dad Fred in the flesh anytime soon, though: It wasn’t shown on-screen, but the EP confirms that Fred did make it back into Riverdale before the quarantine came down.

Question: Any Million Little Things scoop? My friends and I are obsessed with it and hope it’s back for another season. —Montreal4 Ausiello: Remember how showrunner DJ Nash said that everyone in the group of friends has a secret they’ve kept? Look for Regina’s to come to light in Episode 14.

Question: Any scoop on what to expect when Grey’s Anatomy returns? —Al Ausiello: I will have a special holiday treat for you this coming Monday, so sit tight. In the meantime, I tried to get showrunner Krista Vernoff to share even the tiniest bit of intel about Jennifer Grey’s mysterious character and… I struck out. “I can’t [say anything],” she responded. “Because it would really ruin a twist and turn that I don’t want to ruin.” Hmm… I’m sticking with my initial prediction: She’s Jo’s mom.

Question: Anything on The Good Place? (Janet, specifically.) —Whitney Ausiello: Everyone’s favorite not-a-robot will be forever changed by having the humans materialize in Janet form, creator Michael Schur teases: “The way to really have empathy for people is to walk a mile in their shoes, and she did, like, the inverse of that. A bunch of people walked in her weird body for a decent amount of time… so that is another contributing factor to her evolution.” He adds that the season finale “has some pretty wonderful ‘compare this version of Janet to the one you saw in the pilot’ kinds of scenes.” So enjoy, Janet fans!

Question: I’m glad Dorian finally confronted Kaleb about his feeding problem on this week’s Legacies. Can I stop worrying about MG now? —Susan Ausiello: I don’t think it’s ever safe to stop worrying about MG, but as far as Kaleb goes, it sounds like Dorian’s pep talk was just the beginning. “Kaleb has a lot of really big ideas, and a lot of opinions about how things should work,” series creator Julie Plec says. “Much like in the real world when a hot-headed teenager thinks he can second guess what makes the rules the rules, he’s going to have a rude awakening pretty soon where he realizes he doesn’t know as much as he thinks he knows.”

Question: The ending of New Amsterdam‘s fall finale makes me think that Max’s cancer is progressing quicker than first assessed. Will this affect the clinical trial Dr. Sharpe has gotten him into? —Malasha Ausiello: We brought your query to showrunner David Schulner, and he said: “While we can’t reveal here what happened to Max on that dock, we will in our first episode back January 8. But, you’re right to ask if this will affect Max’s clinical trial. It most definitely will. This setback will change a lot of things in Max’s life. And Dr. Sharpe’s too. Thanks for watching and caring and writing to TVLine about the show.”

Question: Will The Flash give us any more hints about what Nora seems to be hiding? —SSH Ausiello: Now that we know there is some sort of alliance with Eobard Thawne, you should expect “a flash-forward flashback episode” that explains “how all that came to be, which will be a lot of fun,” says showrunner Todd Helbing. “You’ll slowly start to get the pieces of info that you need, but there will probably be one episode where we explain how that all happened to get her to come back [in time].”

Question: Challenge: Make me look forward to the Schitt’s Creek holiday episode more than I am already. — Belinda Ausiello: TVLine’s resident Schitthead Charlie Mason promises me that, no matter how great your expectations are, you won’t be disappointed — the special totally “sleighs.” What’s more, he issues a warning that the episode reveals a potential stumbling block to Alexis and Ted’s rekindled romance that neither she nor we anticipated.

Question: I need to know two things about Timeless: First, will #lyatt have a baby? Two, is Jessica really pregnant with Wyatt’s baby? —Miwako Ausiello: In response to your second question, star Matt Lanter says, “We address that [in the series finale, airing Dec. 20]. We’ll find out.” As for Wyatt, he’s not suspicious of Jessica and her baby news. “We’ve seen Wyatt be blinded by love throughout the last two seasons, though, and this is nothing new for him,” Lanter says. “Inherently, he’s a good person with a good heart, and I think he has a hard time accepting that people he loves or cares about … wouldn’t be good. So I think it’s easier as an audience member to look at Jessica and go, ‘Yeah, she’s lying.’ But I think Wyatt is just more blind to things.”

Question: How many time periods will we see in the Timeless finale? —Amanda Ausiello: “There are two-plus time periods, I will say that, that we have not visited before,” showrunner Arika Lisanne Mittman shares, adding that the historical time trips highlight “ethnic representations that we have not seen before [on the show]. Both of these stories are things that [are about] lesser known historical figures. You get to meet some new people that you’ve probably never heard of.”

Question: I’d love a Resident scoop on Conrad/Nic. —Holly Ausiello: I hope you enjoyed the couple’s honeymoon phase while it lasted, because the back half of Season 2 will be “nothing but obstacles” for the pair, according to executive producer Todd Harthan. “In just about every episode, there’s a new one for them to overcome… and they just start stacking up,” Harthan says, adding that the couple will be especially preoccupied with the health of Conrad’s father and Nic’s sister. “It’s going to be a ‘hold on and hope that they make it’ kind of ride,” he teases.

Question: Any hints on how to solve the Blindspot episode title puzzle for Season 4? —Hannah Ausiello: “Oh man! We finally built a title puzzle this season that is legit very hard to crack,” showrunner Martin Gero answers. “I will say this: The puzzle is an homage to some our favorite TV series and how they title the shows. Figure out which, and you might be a step closer.”

Question: Creek’s death on Midnight, Texas was so awful. Please promise me no one dies in tonight’s episode! —Rina Ausiello: I cannot make that promise. But I can tell you that Mr. Snuggly makes it through OK. So that’s something… right?

Question: Got any red-hot Chicago Fire scoopage, Aus? —Gene Ausiello: I see what you did there and I’m… very amused. Well done. The NBC drama is planning some girls-only bonding time for Sylvie, Stella and Emily. “They’re going to go on a road trip to [Sylvie] Brett’s hometown,” showrunner Derek Haas previews. The episode will air the week of Valentine’s Day, “so we’re calling it the Galentine’s trip.” Before that, though, the show will explore Emily’s “attitudes towards dating, which are different than Brett’s, and I don’t mean LGBTQ,” Haas explains. “I mean more of what [Emily, who is bisexual] considers casual versus what Brett considers casual. All of those dynamics are going to be deepened.”

Question: March is far away. I want American Gods scoop now! —Rob Ausiello: Well, because you asked so nicely… Pablo Schrieber says the “antagonist and ally” relationship between Mad Sweeney and Laura Moon will be tested big time by his allegiance to Mr. Wednesday when the Starz drama returns for Season 2. The leprechaun’s destiny “is tied to [Wednesday], no matter what, but it’s also very thoroughly tied to her,” the actor says. “So Sweeney is walking the line, balancing what he owes Wednesday and what he’s realizing he feels in other places.” Hmm. Sounds a lot like we’ll see Laura kissing the Blarney Stone before the season’s over, am I right?

Question: Can you give us any Outlander spoilers? (Especially involving Brianna’s and Jamie’s meeting!?!) This is my first time doing this — hope I’m doing it correctly! —Carolina Ausiello: You did OK. I’ll send you some notes about how to refine your approach in a separate email. Regarding the question at hand, I turn it over to our resident sassenach, Kim Roots, who has seen the scene in question: “I have rather high standards for the huge moments on this show — the wedding night, the print shop reunion, etc. — and I was incredibly satisfied by how the father-daughter plays out in [episode number redacted according to Starz’s spoiler restrictions]. Fans of the book definitely won’t be disappointed.”

Question: Elizabeth and Henry on Madam Secretary are #couplegoals. Please tell me anything you can. —Mary Ausiello: An upcoming episode opens with the McCords taking a tango lesson. And one of them is significantly more skilled than the other.

This AAnd That… ♦ THE BLACKLIST: As teased in the Season 6 trailer, Red will spend some time behind bars after being double-crossed by a close confidant — but don’t count him out just yet. “He’s really been stripped of his superpowers,” series creator Jon Bokenkamp shares. “He’s disconnected from his resources, he may have friends who will fall away and he’s sort of on his heels, which is new for us.” But Bokenkamp assures fans that “if anyone could embrace the solitude of a cell and the experience of incarceration with open arms, it would be Raymond Reddington. We have really high stakes, but we also have some of the most fun we’ve had, as well.” ♦ BROOKLYN NINE-NINE: There will be one major.hilarious change when the sitcom makes the leap from Fox to NBC in January. “We’re allowed to bleep and blur [now],” series co-creator Dan Goor recently told us. “Fox had a no bleeping and no pixelation policy.” Now the gloves are off. “Some filthy, filthy things have been said,” added Terry Crews. “I had one [joke] where I’m ashamed. I’m actually very, very ashamed. It was so jarring that everyone was like, ‘Whoa,’ and we needed to regroup… But holy cow, we never heard language like that on the show.” ♦ CHICAGO PD: Burgess is not the only one who will have a reaction to Upton and Ruzek’s romance. In an upcoming episode, Jay “responds in a way I think you’d expect Halstead to respond,” showrunner Rick Eid teases, “and I think what’s going on in his head is a little different than what he says.” Eid also adds that Jay’s “relationship [with] Upton is interesting and evolving, so don’t sleep on that.” ♦ HOUSEKEEPING NOTE: This is the last AA of ’18 so happy holidays and all that jazz!

That’s a wrap! Please send questions, comments and anonymous tips to [email protected]. (Additional reporting by Kim Roots, Andy Swift, Dave Nemetz, Vlada Gelman and Diane Gordon)

Source: https://tvline.com/2018/12/14/million-little-things-spoilers-season-1-episode-14-regina-secret/

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Tumblr said so. And in some pics i saw it kind of greenish, but it wasnt really clear. JAJAJAJA. Yes, you may be a bit biased, but it did suit him. Aha. I liked the whole look; the jacket, the jewellery (?) in it and the nail polish. Same, i love him wearing what he wants. He has great taste, i must say. Nop, i havent watched Maestro de la Costura (i dont watch TV) but i saw the pic you posted. Does that counts? I love your mom😂😍 She is so invested

JAJAJAJAJA. Yes, maybe starting with the first one would be a good idea. But, im not in the right to say anything bcs i too have started a saga without reading the first book quite times🤷 Yes yes. If you havent started it yet, wait until next year. Bcs waiting a whole year for it to be released is quite annoying. That way you can enjoy it all in one go. (2)

Yes. Im clingy, but only with a few people. Family and old friends. It takes a lot of time for me to feel comfortable touching people, but when i do, theres no way im stopping. Oh yes. I understand you, my sister is not a fan of touching, and she stands so still and rigid when somebody does that. But you see, you have the cats to give you love, i dont so, i need to resort to human contact😂🤷 [im really sorry to hear about your cousin :(, i hope you are fine ] (3)

JAJAJAJAJA. The things you tell about Honey always make me laugh. How is he even real? He is indeed a mommy cat. (Also, Liam the Cat, im watching you. Do not steal Honey’s food. He needs to grow up). (4. Im betting on you, inbox. Dont eat this one too)

Tattos of cats? Doesnt sound that bad. But i see your point. No, i dont have any. Same reasons. I dont like pain, and they are too permanent. I cant make my mind about what i would like to get tattoo and i dont want to regret it later. Maybe someday i’ll find something so meaningful i wont be scared of changing my mind later and not finding it important enough. (5)

——————————————————————————————————YAAAAYYYY!!!! I GOT ALL YOUR ASKS!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 (thanks Tumblr for the delivery 😒)Yeah, I got to see some pics were you could say it’s green, but it looks as if it was black reflecting the light and that’s why it seems green. Idk. It looked good on with whether blank or green, jajajaja. And, yeah,I liked the whole look with the pink jacket and the nails and all that, but it reminded me a “torero”,jajajajaja, and I can’t not watch the similarities, 😅.I don’t watch tv that much either, and I was totally a coincidence that we caught the final that day, bc my mom has only watched the reposts on Saturday or Sunday (she doesn’t even know the day they passed it…). But I went a little crazy over the coat,jajaja. And yes, my mom is very invested with the boys. And very patient with me!!! Because I tell her all the gossip in the fandom, and she doesn’t have any idea of what I’m talking about but I only tell her: you just trust me in what I’m saying… 😝 and she’s like: kook, whatever you say. She used to buy me every merch item she’d find when she went shopping, but I told her to please stop. stop giving money to Simon c*well 🤣🤣🤣🤣. And she was like ok ok whatever… jajajaja. (I recently found a packet of 1D clinex…🙄🙄 hiding in one of my drawers, so…). She even told me around mid February to please start playing Harry’s album in the car again, to remember the songs before the concert. And the other day told me the same about Niall’s album, lol. Lol, if there was an award for Most Supportive (and patient) Mom of a 1D fan, it would have to go to her!!!

Lol, I started watching Stranger Things at chapter 7 on Netflix by mistake, jajajajja and I only realized when the next chapter was about to start and I read “Chapter 8”, and I rolled my eyes at myself so much, that I got a headache… 🙄🙄. Is the next season of GoT the last one?? I can remember what my friend has told me. But I’m so bad at waiting for a new season, I prefer to watch the whole thing at once, and then forget it,jajaja. I’ve been disappointed so many times with tv shows, that I don’t trust them anymore, jajaja.

Oh, yes I have my cats so give my love, and to cuddle (and I would change for anything, lol (tell me I don’t sound like a crazy cat lady??)) The only humans I’m clingy with are the cousins I’ve seen “to be born” (the younger than me, not that I went to see my aunts giving birth 😱). Those are the only ones I feel comfortable enough to cuddle and kiss (till they’re old enough to send to eat shit anyway, jajjaja).

My stories about Honey make you laugh??? If you lived with him, it would be another song, jajaja (I love him). He’s so mischievous. If he isn’t sleeping, he’s being naughty, jajaja. There was one time when I thought he was dying (bc that’s my first thought always) or sick or something, bc he would left his food untouched every time I tried to feed him. And I was about to call the vet to get him checked. But then, one day my father found a box we have in the basement full with homemade chorizo open. And it has some bags empty of chorizo and the plastic was scratched. Do you see what the way this is going? YES! Honey had opened the box someway and he had been eating chorizo wrought our knowledge. That’s why he gave me his food to me. HE GAINED SO MUCH WEIGHT!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. And the thing is that those day he was eating that, when he came to sleep on me, I could smell something like chorizo in his paws, BUT HOW COULD I EVER IMAGINE THAT?!?! Jajajajaa. We had to change the box to another place more than once, because he kept finding it!!! He’s so smart 😻😻. My dad wanted to kill him, but… 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Now, we always joke about it all the time. I, from time to time, smell his paws 🐾 just in case he has found it again. Ayyyyy, this cat… I could be talking about them for hours. I have their paws framed in the living room. And I pic of them. If you come to my home, you can see pics of my sister wedding, my sister’s trip to Paris, some of my cousins, my granny and uncle who already passed, and beside all of that a pic of my cats, jajajajja.

Totally agree about tats. In my family there aren’t so many tats. Like I think only five (bc we are a lot) of my cousins had tattoos, and one of my uncles and that’s that. My mom just yesterday saw someone with a lot of tats and she was horrified, lmao. I’m like Louis: first I didn’t like tattoos; then I started likiing them on other people; and next I guess, will be getting the first,jejje.

Now that you talk about Louis…😜 I MISS HIM!!!! WHERE IS HIM?!!??! WHERE IS HIS ALBUM???? 😭😭😭😭😭 🤣🤣🤣🤣, as you can see I “estoy como una chota de la cabeza!!!!!”😱😅

Quoting my dear Harru: “hope you don’t run from me”. I have so much fun talking to you!!! 😝😝😝 Byeeeee!!

#anon #if I start asking you every time we talk about if you’re mad/bored of me every day please ignore m #me* #I’m that kind of people who always think people are mad at me and I don’t stop doing things till they stop talking to me for good 😩😩😩 #so you just ignore me please #and thank you!!

[unsocialspecies]

Jeffrey and his dear ol ma and pa find a sleepy little hotel in some small town on theyr way to see cousin randall up north young jeff has been against the trip from the start he says it interferes with his partying and he doesn’t really relate to people who sleep. As his parents drift off and he is left to his thoughts his mind begins to race. He finds the down time unbearable and hes nearly chewed a hole threw his tounge. Suddenly he bolts upright in bed He turns to where his parents are sleeping and yells “yo dad psssst pops where the party at?   what the hell you sleepin for are you a lazy fuckin bum or something??” His father a costumed to jeffs shenanigans calmly retorts back “Son shut your fucking mouth its 1 a.m” Damn … well I tried. Jeff says to himself as he lays back down. Thoughts of hoodrat shit le cigarettes honkey tonks and hangin with blue collar gentlemen and rollin bolo back home streak across his mind he remembers the good times digging through trash staring at radio tower lights all night with ol boy Jr all the lurpage that’s going on back at the trap without him and all the fun hes missing out on. Fuck it he swings out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom “ight pops get to sleep you lazy fuck ill be in the bathroom probably jerkin my gerkin till sunrise Oh  ill try to act surprised when you bust in at 3am to take a piss but no promises after the 4th time it loses its excitement and after the last one remember when I was trying to hit a bolo and slap my sausage at the same time well it just want the same . After that I kinda just put it off as one of those thing that happen Anyway if you ever decide to stop being lame and show some interest in the finer things in this life well you know where to find me I got the firest dope in the whole trailer park this shit will fuuuuuck your whole life it aint dope if it doesn’t make you regret all your life choices take a hit of this and you will come out of your zone 5 years later  you will notice your in an  r.v and theres pictures hanging up of you and a dog eating wedding cake together you are wearing a huge white  dress but whats this .. No it couldn’t be the dog is in a tux and you realize that dog in the picture that dog eating cake with you …That’s now your husband and that’s when it hits you … you realize how good that fucking dope was and your like duuuude im so glad my son let me party with him that night so dad in conclusion come on don’t you wanna have some good friendly fun with crystal meth . Jeffs father has become a bit triggered after hearing another weird fucking story that  probably came about from some fucked  hallucination jeff accidentally filed under reality  Jeffs dad says “Son im not and I never ever will join in on your weird fucked up activities iv seen enough I don’t want to dabble in anymore of your tweakery than I have to”              Well dad that’s on you and if those are the kind of selfish choices you want to make in life then I cant tell you what to do just remember im not mad im just disappointed now give me the wifi password so I can go set up  headquarters and get some videos buffered up its gonna be long night nuts don’t bust themselves it’s a lot of hard work and blood and sweat and tears. Jeff grabs the wifi password and locks himself in the bathroom. AHHHHH bliss I should get paid for this he chuckles to himself before getting down to business first things first he pulls out his pookie and blows the fattest cloud on record. Then its time. He is focused like hes on a mission from god. After he stretches and gets in the zone The suddle slapping of a monkey is the only noise heard throughout the night. Hours pass by but to jeff time is only made up it does not exist in his reality A thump against the door startles him out of focus and breaks the steady pattern of fapping goddamit jeff whispers . the door crashes open as his dad comes in rubs his eyes and realizes whats going on  “oh for god sake  son  your gonna rub your godamn dick off at this rate if you spent as much time collecting pennies off the ground  as you do peddlin on your pecker iv swear Iv become numb to all this shit I ll probably walk in next time and you will be bent over the sink reaching an arm back fingerboppin your asshole what do you wan… Dad …dad jeff interrupts his fathers breakdown to ask an important question  “WHAT???!!! JEFF what is it” uhhhhh I wanted to ask you if it was normal for a shaft to go numb…. Not me though my penis is healthy . Im asking for a friend. jeffs father has a distant stare on his face as he shakes his head slowly back in forth and scratches at his hair “OK YOU WIN JEFF never have I heard of anyone BOMBING THE FUGGIN universe as much as you have in one day every time I think it cant get anymore disappointing you proceed to bypass your previous shame by miles. You are the definition of a terminal illness growing like a godamn tumor. Don’t get up from your throne I wouldn’t wanna come between you and the only true passion iv ever seen you have for anything. Ill just piss outside oh and to let you in on a little something something your mom explained last night her growing dislike towards you its not about the drugs or trannies you brought to grandmas last month its “THAT stupid fucking look on your face  your always making she cant stand it   and if it continues to intrude on her life she will have to take a hammer and bash it until it caves in on itself the bright side is we can go to the Halloween store and pick you out a mask. Think of it like that show where they tear apart those shitty houses and make them look amazing…. But hey maybe it wont come to that just practice in the mirror son try really hard to not look retarded I know just be strong if anything just think about that Halloween mask you will get to wear. Jeff sighs…. Oh my good godamn I see how it is I figured something was fishy but didn’t look into it due to a mix up in differentiating between pychosis and  my incredible intuition. see I pick up on small things that the normal person would never even think about but due to paranoia and sleep deprivation sometimes I just confuse red flags as my own made up dellusion. Ya know whaa….But there was no point explaining the situation to his dad for the old man must of  lost focus and walked off right at the beginning…. Well some people just don’t function  on this high of a brain frequency  almost makes ya feel sorry for em. They cant help being fools. Oh well I got other shit to take care of important stuff . He quickly makes a calculation in his head and decides if he cannot climax by sun up he will go to the doctor but  150 google searches 300 different adult websites and an undetermined number of computer viruses Young jeff finaly got the sweet satisfaction he had set out to find he let out a sigh of relief although it was short lived  because as soon as his heels touched back down on the bathroom floor his legs both cramped and jeff let out a horrific scream as he crumbled to the ground. after dragging the lower half of his body across the bathroom and crawling over into the bathtub he dove deep into his mind body and spirit….. Bingo “ I should just sit next time im whoopin the worm that way my legs don’t get weak and I don’t lose feeling in my lower extremities  next time I bust a nut” suddenly he felt a lot better about things see most people wouldn’t take the time to figure out why life dealt such a hard blow but not jeff he took in every factor anlysed the situation and he aint gonna make the same mistake more than maybe 3 times .  So there he sat waiting for his leg muscles to return to the correct places. Hmmmmm “you like that you like it when people get injured while jerking off as you watch the whole thing and laugh about later with your no good hippie step son”!!!he began pondering the existence of god   he flipped his pecker like some toy from a souvenir shop it helped him think smarter he wondered if even though he had no faith in the holy spirit and was not a believer why it felt so good to talk shit to god  maybe im having a spiritual awakening or just need somebody to blame. Ah maybe I should pray perhaps prayer is just another  method of begging .The man upstairs sounds like the haggling type of son a bitch maybe hes into horse trades. Then jeff did something he aint never done before he bowed his head stopped playing with his damn pecker put his hands together and prayed “Lord I don’t know if your listening but im in some trouble nothing too bad but… just please if you hear this gimme some feeling in my legs back I learned my lesson I heard somewhere theres no choking the chicken in heaven I know it cant be true though because what would heaven be if you couldn’t beat your meat every now and again. Anyway maybe that whole leg cramp thing was a god given sign of some sort but it was totally unnecessary now Iv not been on too good terms with you because back a couple months or so when I lost that portable dvd player under a truck wheel in the driveway and getting crushed. I blamed joe joe bean for the longest time but considering the holy spirit in charge of shit around here is you I figure you’re the sorry son a bitch that put joe joe up to something like that.

[ssnfuture]

Lord show me!

I have wondered how the heavens rejoices when God's Children are in celebration. I imagined the Trumpet Horns are blown and all heavenly creatures sing songs and praise! Where I can hear the sound of Clapping and roar of their cheering! Seeing the angles towering in stature yet dancing with the Spirit of God! The Holy Spirit Fills every space and makes HIS presence known, a gust of cool breeze carried within it the shower of HIS blessing! Such a wonderful sight to be hold and such an awesome delight to be part in. Waking up from such a dream it was disappointing yet still refreshingly peaceful with such pure Joy. It was disappointing only because the experience was cut short. However I have yet to figure out what it was for. Years passed and I woke up from a dreamless night, nothing was out of the ordinary and i just went to a fellowship with my brothers and sisters. The night when the soup was served while we were enjoying the company of each other amidst the rainy day, My brother Scott mentioned about them planning of going to my Home town. Its not surprising to know that they love to go to my Home town, since it is so much different to the current place they have lived,a saturated metropolis in the lowlands. My home town is on  a plateau surrounded with mountain ranges covered with mostly Pine Trees that towers up to the heavens. The trees sways along with the mountain winds as if it was dancing. known for its steep highways It was named Matari. Scott shared that Adam is getting married in my home town and told me the date. Scott invited me to come if i can since its my home town it wont be too hard to get there. I know too little of Adam though, I only saw him on a retreat and on few fellowship. because he is living far away, he was only able to join us through Skype. Adam has a castle in which he is managing, a castle open to all who can afford the expense of living in it. Adam looked like a prince from fairy-tale books a unique face yet familiar. Though his face looks calm he worries allot and often it drives him to do less than better. I only knew a few about Adam actually so i didn't care about going to his marriage that much and was only thinking of my friends going to my home town and spending time with them. Weeks passed and i entirely forgot that date even about my friends' plan to go to Matari. Because of work i wasn't able to back to my home town for the weekend. so i decided I'll go on the next weekend. Friday the next week I woke up early and went to work, did not pack anything yet since I get off at 1pm I can just get back to my apartment and pack after work. At lunch I saw a post on my SNS wall and its about Scott and my friends taking a pic in a car going to my hometown. Then I remembered The wedding and began to think why of all times even after I have forgotten I was still purposely lead to going back home at this date. I couldn't understand it all so i just brushed it off and told them I will see them there. At Saturday afternoon I met them for a late lunch, it was drizzling at that time because a storm was reported on the news to be passing through our country from Saturday night and will be leaving by Sunday afternoon. I spend time with them till a dinner the evening and contemplating whether to go to the wedding on Sunday or do I attend our church service. My heart wanted to attend the service and a bit troubled but I decide that night after I got home that I would go to the wedding. So I began to check if i even have clothes to wear. I saw a white Polo that I had left six months ago but I have not brought my coat with me so I searched for my vest that was stored for too long to match it up.  I clocked my phone to wake me up at 5am and went to sleep. I didn't plan to ask my dad to bring me to the meeting place since i was leaving rather early in the morning but to my surprise, as i was changing my clothes,  my dad was sitting in the corner of the living room waiting for me to finish. I saw him and i smiled, without any hesitance I asked if he can bring me to the rendezvous point since the rain and wind was already pouring that time. My dad didn't even bat an eye and said, "okay". As we were leaving i received a text message from Scott asking if they can ask my dad if they could pay him to bring us to the wedding and back since they could not get another vehicle or even a cab to bring the others since we will all not be able to fin in one car. So My dad and I went to the rendezvous point and got the others and left for the wedding. While we were waiting for the others preparing a text came from our head pastor that the service that Sunday was canceled because of the strong winds and rain, it would be dangerous for the people to travel and get there. So I guess I was really being led to the wedding but worry starts to creep in as the storm was getting stronger and no sign of it going away anytime soon but since there was no notice of cancellation for the wedding we still pursued to continue. In a couple of minutes we all left. The first car went ahead of us but my dad knew the place so he got there ahead than anyone else. after dropping us off my Dad left and went back home. We started see the place but what we met was the workers trying to fix the devastation the storm had done in the wedding preparation. Tables are wet, the altar made of a strong chunk of wood was soaking wet. The chairs are also wet, Leaves are everywhere and some decorations are torn and missing. Not the Best time to be doing a Semi Garden Wedding when the Storm is passing through. But my heart that time overturned was not worried for them it was as if I know something will happen and I just want to see what it is. Scott, my friends and I, In response to what we saw, did all we could to help out setup a room for the wedding ceremony as the site workers work on the reception. We took down a display on the wall to be used for the wedding back drop and I sliced a bit of a skin in my hand while cutting a rope but small enough that a band-aid was enough to cover it. Good thing I always have one in my wallet. with the minor mishap we continued to work on the chairs. Sooner than we noticed the wedding is about to start and I was standing on the green carpet so that the wind won't blow it away. Pretending to be documenting the even i pulled out my phone and took a video rather than standing awkwardly on the side. As the ceremony was on going I stepped out of the room and went to the center of the reception and the wedding room as i began to hear the Strong winds blowing from time to time I prayed. I asked God, "Lord why is it raining? why is the storm here? why did you not stop the wedding or cause them to change the date?" as i remember the mishaps that I saw happened, Tree branch falling on two cars and place wrecked and the wind blows causing the decorations to be a mess. I asked , "Lord show me!". As the pastor speaks i saw the trees swaying yet the wind was calm and as soon as the pastor stops the winds blows strong making the roof flap on the edges creating a loud noise. I see the trees bend but not break as if a hand waving furiously at a person when they saw the other among the crowd. As the couple were speaking, while holding the a rings before they wear it, the wind was calm but as soon as the ring was inserted on to their fingers the wind came again with the same sound and sight. Then a whisper caught in my ears, "Am I not celebrating with my Son and Daughter?". A Grin carved on my face as a chill run up my spine and i laughed. trying to control myself but i just couldn't and saw the workers were looking at me but i just could not help it. When I regained my composure I felt Burning within my chest and my mouth wanted to speak so I shared to one of my friends who was close to the door but my lips and heart still burns. I know I have to tell it to the Groom and Bride soon but I do not know when, so while we were eating I shared it to Scott, the best-man, and my friends what i had experience. Then Scott said,  "Tell it to Adam." Now with all certainty I pressed on I waited till our table was called for picture taking with the newlywed. After the Picture was taken i went back and whispered to their ear what I experienced outside of the ceremony and what God had said. When the celebration was about to end Adam and Belle stood and Adam Spoke then the Wind Blew hard so Adam waited till it ended. With teary eye and bursting smile He said, "Praise God!" I have always wondered how the heaven's celebrate with us but now the Vision I once dream't of finally let me see a glimpse of it as it transpired in this world. Spirit in Greek is Pneuma/Air. God is Spirit and those that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.