#i know this is all just rambly garbage

[citricacidprince]

Thinking about Psychonauts and how much I love the Aquato family once again

They mean the world to me your honor

#They are a strange little family with so many issues and generational trauma and YET they still LOVE EACHOTHER #DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT IS TO ME??? #Nona; Augustus; Donatella; Dion; Frazie; Rasputin; Mirtala; Queepie- #I love you all and I owe you my life #DION AND DONATELLA ESPECIALLY; Y’ALL GET SO MUCH HATE FOR HAVING UNDERSTANDABLE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL :( #Aquatos get behind me; I’ll protect you from the people who think you abuse Raz and should just get adopted by Sasha and Milla #that’s a bad take and they should feel bad. like; he can still see Sasha and Milla and alternate parental figures; that’s fine- #But Raz; CANONICALLY; would NEVER give up his family; EVER #That boy would force everyone to have a heart on heart with him until everything is better because he DOES that in the GAME #When you talk to you family in Psychonauts 2 you can tell how much he loves them and how much they love him; even if it’s strained at the- #moment from how stressful the past THREE DAYS have been #YES EVEN DION AND DONATELLA #They love Raz so much!!! They’re both just going through it™️ atm and need time to clear their head: remember; everything that has happened- #has been in the span of 3 DAYS and their whole lives have been completely flipped upside down #I think they’re allowed to be upset; in fact; it would be weird if they weren’t #sorry this is word garbage I just love that family so much it makes me wanna drink paint #prince rambles in this chilies tonight #aquato family #psychonauts aquatos #psychonauts 2 #psychonauts

[clowngremlin]

basically made dinner all by myself today (older brother only seasoned our chicken breasts and i did the rest of everything)......i cooked raw meat which is something i don't do very often and was worried about, but everything turned out great!!! i also did my laundry today, took the dog for a walk and fed him and have been on top of making sure his water dish is always full, loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes (idk how to turn it on, i'm gonna ask my dad how to do it when he gets home so i can begin to do it by myself!), did some drawing, wrote in my journal, and pulled myself out of a depressive spiral i was having earlier in the day!!!! really beating the "spencer can't take care of himself or do anything ever" allegations......

#the wretched gremlin strikes again #sometimes i'm like i don't think i was THAT unwell #and then i realize that like i was in fact that unwell #now that i'm like actually doing better #i know this probably all sounds kind of silly #because i'm almost 27 and have only just begun to do these things #but keep in mind i was dealing with unmanaged mental illness since i was like 14 #and also my dad is kind of a control freak so he never taught me how to do anything because he thought i'd do it wrong or not on par #with what he could do #like i've known how to do laundry since i was 13 BUT i also had no motivation to do anything like that due to my mental illness #sometimes i'm like i'm not doing better because i still sometimes hear faint voices or have paranoid thoughts #but like it's only been under extreme stress or like when i was really tired from not getting enough sleep #and also like i used to be like that all day every day #and i had a lot of problems with like negative symptoms and depression #like my room was a mess and i had piles of dirty laundry and garbage and even like rotting food in my room #and i was constantly being tormented by voices and seeing scary things and my delusions and paranoia and having panic attacks #and like the voices are a lot quieter and more faint now #and i don't see anything or feel bugs crawling on me anymore #and i only hear voices and have paranoid thoughts under extreme stress or tiredness like i said #ANYWAYS I'M RAMBLING SO I'LL STOP #tldr i am doing A LOT better and i am soooo proud of myself <3

[silenthillbunni]

.

#lowkey wanna un-mutual all the mutuals we have in common. i hate seeing her url. but there are so many and i like them :( #but it does hurt me a lot that she's the only one i talked to for several years #she said we were friends and all of that stuff #and then without a word she just blocked me and left me wondering what i did wrong #and now i feel humiliated and stupid for believeing her. she obviously didnt care about me #and i saw her as someone important in my life but to her i was nothing at all. just garbage to discard #so yeahhhh everytime i see her url i feel like a flash of pain bc it reminds me of how #everyone lies. how stupid it is for me to trust someone and be vulnerable. how i mean nothing to her and she doesnt even think of me #i dont even exist to her and she isnt missing me and doesnt care about me a single bit #and the worst thing is that she said she did. so how could i know she didnt mean it #i feel so lonely... i started rambling again but yeah i hate seeing her url when moots rb her bc it makes me sad angry & my heart ache

[sophieswundergarten]

People talk about SQ going on a villain arc, but personally I've always thought he'd be more likely to just shut himself away for a while

He'd fall off the map, become a recluse not because he's trying to hide from his father, or his uncle for that matter, but because he's so confused and mixed up and lost he isn't thinking clearly

He finds an empty old house, one in a little town somewhere in the middle of nowhere, that he can live in. It's in much worse condition than Mr. Benedict's, and he gets to stay because he does farm chores for the nearby people who own the property

A quiet town. No one questions why this boy appeared, and as he keeps to himself no one bothers him

He comes into the general store sometimes, or maybe the hardware store. Buying basic necessities, repair materials, and asking sometimes strange questions with obvious answers in an embarrassed way

Every now and again, he stops by the pet store. Buying a small bird or two and an obscene amount of birdseed

He becomes known as a lonely artist, a mysterious figure the adults ignore for the most part and the children whisper about. He doesn't pay either reaction any mind

SQ's house is full of art

Colour splashed across the floor, tiny vines and butterflies covering the shutters, vibrant shades all over the fan blades. He etches painstakingly accurate bird footprints on every windowsill, sketches large diagrams of feathers and bird wings across most of the walls, because, who's there to tell him no?

He tries to teach himself to whittle, and there are many mishapen lumps of woods that vaguely resemble birds lined up on the back porch. (He knows they're terrible, but he can't bring himself to throw them away. He feels too guilty, after all, he's the one who brought them into existence. If he won't love them, who will?)

And he has a lot of birds. Some were wild ones he befriended, leaving food and nesting material out until they felt comfortable enough to rest in the rafters, flying in and out of the near-always open windows. Some were bird he saw, either sitting in a cage when they had no business to be, or wandering the park looking half frightened and confused. Birds that people had captured from their natural homes and probably smuggled, hoping to pass them off in a small enough town where no one would notice. Some were birds that had been "released" by their previous owners; left to wander an environment that was not their own and to fend for themselves when they'd been raised domesticated

It's these last few he feels for the most. It's not fair, he thinks. There's no one to take care of them, and it isn't their fault they were forced into a situation like this. At some point, someone had hurt them. Had taken advantage of their innocent nature, and it left some scarred.l

Some physically, like the ones who needed their wings splinted, or had lasting limps, or sometimes were even half blind. And sometimes mentally, like those that still shrank back from his touch after months of rehabilitation, or had missing patches of feathers, or would hiss instead of sing

And so he became known as sort of a wild artist. Someone who seemed to know everything about art and birds and the forest, but occasionally could be seen asking how microwaves worked or whether he would have to pay for checking books out of the small local library (He always returned them in perfect condition)

And, eventually, after he's had some time to think, he calls his uncle. He isn't sure how to contact his dad, but he isn't really surprised to hear the two are living together again. They're twins, after all

And so he tells them where he is, tells them that he wants to talk, wants to understand. And to his surprise, they come to him. And they offer apologies, and answers both

While the kids marvel at the birds and his art and the small collection of poetry and naturalist books he's been slowly building up as he shows them around, the adults confer on what it best to do

And he thinks that, if it's offered, he'd like to go back with them. But he isn't sure. And he's still caught off guard when they ask

#I don't know #Rambly stuff that would definitely not be legal but it's MBS Universe and I am having a really good time imagining the legal systems #Sometimes they're super strict #And sometimes I just pretend they don't exist #But really #I don't think SQ would get angry #And I'm not saying you guys who give him a villain arc are bad!!!! #(Connie you KNOW I love your AU) #But personally #I've kind of thought he'd be the kind of person to just quietly shut down and process #Whether that's on his own or with Mr. Benedict #And I think the big thing would be teaching him not to internalize all of that as his fault somehow #Maybe that's me projecting #Also I was thinking about Big Fish and Benny and Joon and IQ and those kinds of movies while writing this out #Specifically about the type of house I was imagining I guess #Except it backs up to a huge forest #(They're all good movies by the way I think they're very interesting) #But #Yeah #Enjoy more garbage from my brain #the mysterious benedict society #mbs #sq pedalian

[midnight-moth]

I feel like using a poll to decide what I’m going to write was a poorly chosen tactic because even though it will give me more time it will only delay the inevitable. What if - I could scoop the story out of my brain and put it in a cone and hand it to you? Just a thought…

#it really astonishes me that I can maintain full time employment #cause it is normal to work in your pajamas in a fort of pillows and blankets and one dog #I swear it isn’t about aging even tho it was my birthday because I will always probably be very immature by conventional standards #cause I don’t want kids and all that #I’m sorry idk why I am rambling sometimes tumblr is just the place where no one knows me and these all text posts usually just dissolve into #the ether #hehe I met the tag character limit. #anyways I got more ghouls and puppies I shall live to see another day #I just feel so foggy and I don’t want to write some halfassed garbage I’ll regret posting

[nox-et-stellae]

gonna have to double down on posting my art here too bc the absolutely abysmal interaction shit got on twt lately is really bumming me out. at least here i get the occasional kind tag

#is it twt or is it simply impossible to find connection and community in the genshin fandom. god only knows #I'm just so tired. the things I'd give to have a little group chat with people to brainrot witht #to have people care about and reply to my silly little ideas other than the designated one (1) fandom friend i have #tbf my art here really isn't doing much better it's just garbage all around but some part of me still has hope #rowan rambles

[roseverdict]

"my adult children are lazy and have no dreams and are perfectly content to leech off of me their entire lives!" no!!! you dipshit!!!!! they're several diagnosed types of mentally ill each, unmedicated for all of them through no choices of their own, unable to go anywhere outside the house without parental permission or assistance*, and have repeatedly been outright mocked by you for expressing joy at things they like and jobs they want to have while you claim to always support them!!!!!!! you cannot treat them as failures of completely fine and fully-autonomous adults when you never even finished teaching them the things you think every teenager should learn!!!!!!!!!

*: and even then they're chafing badly enough that they are pushing for ways to work around you! to escape you!!! once they can pedal a bicycle for further than a mile without going into Goddamn cardiac arrest it's fucking over for you!!!!!

(EDIT BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE THIS HERE BUT ALSO UM: yall ever feel like you're engaged in a cold war that's never actually been declared? bc the increased aggression in the passive-aggressive texts over the past 24 hours (DESPITE the fact that most stuff from the last batch was in fact addressed in a timely fashion) has me like 👁️👁️. mom, dad, if you're reading this, you know you can talk to me like the 24-year-old human person i am, right? not treat me like an impudent teenager who doesn't deserve to make their own choices and should be grateful to even be living with you, then get frustrated when i'm making angry vent-like posts online?)

#rosie rambles #rosie rants #'hurr durr im a good parent bc my kids never ran off to live under a bridge for a winter rather than deal with me' #THE BAR IS IN THE OCEAN. DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF. DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. #and this isn't even getting into. you know. the garbage fire of endless fake job advertisements. #i think that if i can figure out a way to get employed at home. i will tell my brothers. but not my parents. and just suffer the shame #until i have enough saved to move somewhere and support myself while i get driving lessons and hopefully get a dinky lil smartcar or smth #the dream is having mom and dad dial back the constant passive-aggression but the realistic dream is eventual no-contact #idk. might delete later. might not. i'm just very tired all the time #i just. it feels like they want live-in housecleaners obligated to do as told while also shaming us for going along w/ that. #and also shaming us for not wanting to do that? araraararrrgh (derogatory) #(ADDING W/THE EDIT: i THOUGHT there was a mutual understanding of #'yeah this is my online username but its necessary for everyone to have a space away from their parents sometimes' #connecting unrelated dots or paranoia? fuck if i know)

[snow-and-saltea]

i dont know how to word this well but hopefully my point gets across. as ive gone through lots of manga/hwa/huas for the past few years, there's been a lot less hate for fat female characters, and when the author portrays negative traits in them, the comments are always up in arms to defend said character or point out that it was unnecessary and was adding onto a distasteful image of associating fat people = evil in media. that's good!

but i've realised that there's not as much defense or uproar when it's a fat male character? you know the one. they'll be drawn comically fat with tiny features to show that even the author thinks this character is a waste of time to put effort into giving them a design full of character details and an actual Story. they might even be bald in some cases to drive home the "lecherous old man preying on the helpless" image. they'll be bumbling, incompetent, the most inarticulate bastard in the story, and the author wants you to KNOW it. look at this guy. he's obviously meant to be hated. look how pathetic he is and how he pales in comparison with our hero, who is charming, pure snow-white in morality, Has Never Done Anything Wrong Ever.

the trouble is, unlike female fat characters that are often used as a sort of cynical, pessimistic evil whose entire identity is to prove that "sometimes you're ugly both inside and out", that isn't the case for fat male characters. in a way, fat female characters have a "way out", so to speak, because there IS a probable cause that's snowballed the problem until its become a mountain; particularly, the cord that binds how they're expected to perform in society (gender roles, sexism, internalised misogyny) and how they feel they aren't able to escape scrutiny anyways for being ugly, even if they're good. so why not go all the way? what's the use in being halfheartedly acknowledged for who you try to be, when you could be the worst version of yourself, and at least THEN they'll finally look at you proper? so a lot of fat female characters who turn evil are often in this line of thought, i think. despite how much they're trying to break free from the preconceived notions of what people want them to be, it still clashes with their innate desire to be seen, accepted, and loved by other people. so the answer to "redeem" them? simple. accept them. that's enough to write a satisfactory redemption arc to turn them "good" again.

but fat male characters... i've noticed that they're written with crimes much heavier and much more serious than their female counterparts. their appearance is never purely for the sake of psychological friction (stirring the pot, instigating distrust) in the story. we see them drawn with disgusting lustful expressions to show that they haven't moved past primitive desires (they're worse than children—they're children with an adult's ability to get what they want), touching people inappropriately, their minds always turning to the worst possible scenario, their dialogue always written with an undercurrent of narcissism, like the river of his own life was completely empty save for his own self-admiration. is that really all there is to them? how did they manage to get this far in life without ever experiencing or being convinced — or tried to be convinced — to change? has he, in all his years of living, never experienced a shred of empathy for others? has he never felt touched by the connection of another human being?

and then at the end of the story i know it was useless to ask these questions — he only existed as a plot device, as an antagonist for the final climax and resolution, the dragon to be slayed.

but he's not a dragon. he's a human, and despite his current problematic views on life or people, i'd like to try and imagine what it's like to "redeem" him.

but almost always, there IS no way. the author has cut off every possible escape route for him. he was always evil. he can't be helped. he can't change. he was always going to do this, so there's no point in imagining a world where he didn't.

but like. why? why do fat female characters get to be redeemed with the power of Love and Friendship but not him? why is it not enough for him to be bad, he must also be dangerous beyond recourse?

i don't really know the answer to this question, since i'm AFAB and i don't have insight on the matter beyond my own speculations. but the only thing i know is that it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when i see him being toppled over as the final Evil, and everyone cheering in the comments with "i've always found him sus" "finally you disgusting pig" "i hope he never shows up ever again"

i have to say, i don't like the idea, especially in fiction, that people are irredeemable and unworthy of compassion. of course this isn't a plea to forgive them or to get them out of fictional jail or whatever, but i'd at least like to entertain the thought that i want to know the entirety of a person's character before writing them off, and you can do that in stories. i can't do that in real life. i would kill myself trying. sometimes people just hurt you and you have to accept that they hurt you to give yourself express permission to protect yourself.

but in fiction... are you really telling me that a world with dragons can exist but not the possibility of change for a character whose fate was set in stone the moment their shape was carved into existence?

#yuu rambles #idk idk idk. ive had a lot of thoughts about this for a while #btw anyone who interacts w this dont fuckin come at me with the all men are evil garbage #its prolly only gonna be seen by friends who follow me but just in case i wanna put it out there #i dont believe all men are evil though i do think theyre raised and incentivized to nurture traits that are #convenient for being evil effectively. but its taught not inborn meaning anyone can decide to change what they dont like #about themselves. its called accidents of birth bc we dont have a say in how we're born in what appearance in what environment #but as you grow up you do owe yourself the opportunity to be someone you're proud of #and to be honourable both in character and action #anyways. ANYWAYS!!!!!!! #idk man im just rambling. also there might be processing some Shit in here tehepero #u know how it be!!!! #i fuckin FORGOR to trigger tag this im sorry!!! #tw fatphobia

[acidicpenumbra]

i hate dirkjake and also like other pairings but whatever

#im not gonna tag them directly bc obviouslt dick move but i hate dirkuu and dirkjake and vrisrezi and davekat and a lot of things #andrew hussie cannot write very good relationships and i am so tired of homestuck being like oh well vrisrezi is THE lesbian icon ship #rosemary is right there and they aren't actually terribke for each other... i cant like shit on everything bc at the end of the day #its just homestuck pairings and although theyre awful theyre not like actually harmful #i guess #i mean i kinda wish some ppl would stop seeing some pf these as healthy bc i know ppl who have seen oh yeah x pairig is healthy so my #relationship thats like this pairing is totally fine no it is not i promise #this is rambling #in tags #anyways i really hate dirkjake mostly maybe ill talk about other things but as someone with a huge interest in shipping #it sucks that almost all the major homestuck ones are garbage and like even some fandom ones #maybe these characters didnt work out for a reason bro... #‟youre taking this too seriously‟ #i am a hater #i will keep being a hater #it is my favorite thing ever #anyways can we stop romanticizing vrisrezi its not like super nuanced vriska blinded twrezi and terezi fucking killed her #im jjst saying its not ideal its not healthy and its not like. idk. its something i cant care about at all

[facelesspassport]

It kind of pisses me off that people still hold the assumption that those with extreme feminist views are just "bitter single women". This stereotype should have been buried right alongside gamer-gate.

#You think that all the trauma that would lead someone to political extremism will just magically go away once a nice man asks them out?? #like yeah let me just #put my rape trauma in the garbage can so that im more marriageable for you chad. #i feel like this is very male-brained. the idea that the only thing strong enough to lead us to want change is the desire for sex.. #ya know what is way stronger? the desire for a better world. #this is just a reskinned version of “feminazi” discourse (if you can even call it discourse) #“a woman would only take feminism seriously as a cope for being single or ugly” #nope lots of us are actually just unhappy about misogyny. #and even when our lives are good we still (hopefully) realize that there are millions of other people out there who need these politics #no matter how good my life gets i will always be a womanist with “extremist” views #for all of the women who are being harmed in this world #human beings. not caricatures #womanist #womanism #feminist #god i hope this isnt just incoherent rambling because im like 10 pills deep #feminism

[shewantsitall]

Dealing with insurance and the pharmacy and flip flopping enbrelsupport+ makes me want to scream and cry and pull my hair out THERE SHOULD BE AN EASIER WAY LIKE PLEASE????

#i am doing this all on my own and i hate it #like.. no one taught me how to do any of this garbage #and tbh i feel like it's enough of a Situation that i deserve a little bit of help from these people who actually know how it works #instead of you're an adult just handle it #like. i wouldn't have to deal with this at all if it wasnt for you and your garbage genes #gtfo #just my ramblings #just my rantings

[bitegore]

much as i take the piss out of him i think drag strip is decent enough at the things he does. He's fast and he's a decent fighter inside his weight class, at least when I don't want him to get his ass handed to him because i love him and love watching him get hit really hard in the face about it.

he's just not fast enough to outrun the hole in his head. so he'll never settle and he'll never chill out and he will never ever ever know a moment of peace ever in his life. so its not obvious he is actually okay at anything when he's always grasping at straws to be worthwhile for what he isn't good at

#red rambles #obligatory 'he's a garbage shot though' - i dont think he likes target practice because there's an objective measure of how bad he is #every time he gets his target sheet back #if they arent all identical bullsyes hes worthless and needs to go die about it #so he just kind of doesnt get good. he practices shooting constantly and he never ever improves because he's not doing it right #if you know what kind of shit im talking about you know the way it doesnt work #you cant get good at a skill by tearing your entire sense of self down over it every time you do it no matter how hard you slam your head #into that wall #but otherwise hes good at stuff

[griffinsmith]

love what youre doing here. big fan of loving werewolf men

AHDHAKSJ THANK YOU!! Im always a bit nervous posting content abt jackall since he’s so obscure so this was very kind of you to say :] I really enjoy making art for tha new au and Mr Hound and I am glad someone else enjoys it too!!

ur right tho I never considered this to be a sort of werewolf thing but I guess if you’re already a furry and you just turn into another furry version of yourself it’s basically a werewolf thing heLP

#also . i am using this au as a way to fix hounds design #i like hound but I really wish they’d stuck more to the original source material and have hound be like … more sentient?? #i don’t know how to phrase it right but jackall goes from normal dude to feral raccoon in the garbage can with one swig of that potion #and after listening to the musical that’s made from his source material to me it’s much more interesting for hound to be just like Hyde #in the sense of somewhat grotesque but still recognizable as jackall/jekyll. i know this is a game meant for children #and hound and jackall’s backstory isn’t the same as the title characters from the source material they’re based in especially since #they adapted the story to fit into a family friendly side quest #but this is my blog and I can make an au however I want and in this au hound is exactly like his source material counterpart. a violent #asshole who knows exactly what he’s doing #sorry canon hound your design is great for what you are but I am balling around with my silly ass new design #wow that was a lot more words than I wanted to type and was probably incomprehensible! if you read all that thank you #sawyer rambles #ask #anonymous

[slimeylee]

why have these last years fucking sucked ass

#slimey-vents #trigger warning below hi did you drink water today and eat something i hope u did ur so cool and amazing pls get some rest gives u a cookie #please scroll past if uninterested i also dont want u to feel obligated like u have to read n listen to me vent and ramble on abt dumb shit #like 2020 - 2024 . have just been ass . #we're not even halfway into 2024 and it already is just #garbage . like its fucking horrible #i dont see how this year could get . any worse ?? but i wouldnt want to get my hopes up on that itll get better ? #like god what has been happening . #covid came up technoblade got cancer and passed away israel's continuing their mass genocide #and a lot of things have happened in my personal life . such as my mother passing away . #and . its just been so fucking hard ?? #i wish i had lasting hope in humanity . but tbh i dont think its ever gonna get any better and that really fucks w me #ive been having suicidal thoughts and ive just been in a very shitty mental state recently #like social media #is honestly the only thing i have to live on #i have honestly boring friends n all my friends dont go to my school . my gf doesnt even go to my school #ive had to switch schools after having a fun time and doing a lot better . the only thing that im holding on by a thread to is social media #all my friends . my fandoms . etc . i talk to through my phone and through here #im so glad to have met everybody that i have on here #im sorry this is getting really long ive started going on a ramble but i just want everyone to know that i love yall /p #i appreciate everybody so much . all my moots and my close friends that ive made not only here but irl as well #and everybody that ive talked to throughout the time we've known each other . i really just want to think that everything will get better #everybody that ive met through my years of social media and school have really changed my life . and idk what i wouldve done #having never met any of them . especially my moots on here that ive grown close to #its just been stressful . but ive strived to get through it all . despite how hard it is #and how desperately i just want to let go from everything #but ending one thing doesnt end any pain it just gives it on to someone else #and i know that im way too pussy to end anything anyways . #but on another note . #please remember that you are amazing . talented . strong . and i appreciate and ily so much . /p

[quiisquiliae]

*gestures vaguely* please note hiatus note has been taken down because that was a LIE.

Also someone plz yell at me later to like... finish my damn muse page...

#{ramblings of the garbage collector: ooc} #nick and matty im just being lazy about tbh. #its all there. #in my head. #i just need to make icon and like... put it together on paper so to speak. #han and fennec i need to do some configuring. #since hans background i put together before i saw solo and i wanna make sure it stays coherent #and fennec i need to research her background cuz i just know her from bobf #but jesus i adore her #and ming na wen #i would die for her yall dont understand

[cryolyst]

~

#my parents need to fucking leave me alone!!! i know what the fuck im doing!!! can't i have a single second of peace and quiet around here. #im doing so bad in the head rn #and ofc H is ignoring me now. so fun. i guess i asked for it but it still hurts. #like i don't want to be bitter i really don't. i want to let them be who they are. if they choose to stop prioritizing me it's their choice #it just sucks. i feel like everything is in such an unpleasant place #i want to be grateful that it's in a better place than it was before but i just don't feel happy. i feel like garbage most of the time tbh. #and im holding out until i can see E again but it feels so unfair to put this burden on her #god i miss her so much. i miss so many people so very much. there are so many lives i held dear and can't loosen my hold on #and i fear that H will always be one of them. i fear i will always one to H too. if i knew them at all. #or have i simply projected onto them all along? it feels like sometimes that might be all we do to each other. mirror and project. #without ever truly looking at the original. without trying to see the source. #um. lol. anyways. hope ur all having a good night. ty for reading my vague ramblings #they speak! #ignore this