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#i lied i didnt have all my thoughts in the post but whatever
munamania · 1 year
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it’s just i spend so much time sharing little things about myself in the hopes that it sparks a connection with people and also i guess that maybe sometimes people will think of me yk. to feel like i exist outside of my own head. i dont think this is a bad thing it’s just where im at it’s a natural want for connection and it like. works for me. and i also dont think it’s bad to have the friends i do that are like ‘surface level’ yk. i still appreciate them and love them. it’s just, this is where im at, desperately clawing in different spaces in my life to be known even tho it’s embarrassing lol. and it just sucks that i never had to try to with her. not only did we have this extremely insane chemistry right off the bat, she’s someone that in like every way has made it seem like she actively wants to know me. beyond just the polite and whatever kind of level. and it’s like, of course that feels absolutely amazing given ive been pining since day 1 but also i just like her a lot as a person. you know. and it all sucks and makes me wanna combust sometimes that things aren’t the way i’d like them to be between us of course lmfao but i also think she’s an incredible person and she’s managed to make me feel so safe and calm and simultaneously obviously fucking crazy and energized and whatever. u know. whatever my point is here im gonna be done now <3
#jk! it's like. she remembers shit abt me. not only these things that im basically handing to the world around me like hi hey please#think of me. she notices the stuff i dont make a point to point out. stuff that i say really offhandedly or to myself#she remembered what cup i was going to use our first time hanging out she remembered my posters even tho i only showed her my room for like#a second. shes looked up movies i mentioned she. in her also very drunken state. paid attention to the exact cup i was carrying around#that was actually just sweet and smart of her. when we left she was like Um hey. that's not the one u had lol#sometimes she references things i've said and i have to stop myself from going Oh ;-; on the spot#and early on we'd tease each other even though we. didnt really know each other. so it was over the most basic shit and that was#its own thing that felt all <33333 yk. stupid silly goofy#so now. shes not talking to me for whatever reason and i think lied abt why she didnt answer last weekend and it's weird#and it's like. yeah it sucks knowing they're still evidently goin strong. but also im like damn this person that i was prepared to#call a friend and really like. care about at this point. is acting like we're at square 1#and we're not close enough for me to Fully be like Yo dude wtf. but we're definitely beyond the point where it's like#oh this is someone i just hung out with once and we didnt rlly click so im just going to be polite but not engage#if that makes sense. yk.#so monday im gonna try to get some clarity on the whole thing but ig here's me lamenting rn#haha u thought u were getting just a regular non film girl vent post. sike#im not like breaking down over this i promise im just reflecting. and didnt want to get up for my journal. so here's this#film girl saga#long post
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stonerzelda · 2 years
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While being all brokenhearted and sad writing that post it should be noted that i thought i saw a house centipede in the bed and jumped up, only to find the sweetest roundest little baby mouse that ever lived hiding behind the bed. Tha k u little mouse for trying to cheer me up but sneaking up on me in my blankets is not ideal for me. Esp at almost 4am. Im sorry
#edit: k i deleted most of the posts crying abt this bc like. whatever#i dont care about that sack of shit at least i know i was fuckin right to block them bc they WOULD have gotten worse#like aw a 20 yr old u thought was cool turned out to be creeped out by ur progressively weird messages abt other users uve had sex with? :(#sooo weird aha they must just be dumb❤ like lol#all i care abt is making sure things at least end in good terms with my old mutual bc. she was cool. and id hate for her to think i was#ever malicious T__T this sux.#altho i still dont know for sure if this is what happened like if they turned everyone on me but. cant shake the feeling#it was all around the same time i should have guessed but i GUESS i thought theyd be a fuckin adult and get over it#sigh. idk. this is so dumb im just upset at the feeling This is why we all drifted. like im in the wrong for not wanting to be friends#w someone who was way too comfortable just...sharing shit i didnt consent to hear abt ppl i knew that Also didnt consent to me being told#qnd this all happened SO LONG ago and i didnt even know because i thought this asshole would be normal for some reason!!#this whole time ive been disappointed n a little sad in not seeing certain ppl active anymore but still thibking fondly of them#and this whole time. they could've just been fed lies abt me. its 730am im so fuckin tired but this thought is rly hurtin 😞#....i just rly hope this isnt why ok. because this isnt anywhere near fuckin fair if it is. im fine if they just dont wanna follow anymore#thats fine im 200% cool with that and i Respect when ppl need to move on whatever i get THAT. but its fuckin greasy if it was out of spite.
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astarionposting · 3 months
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Thank you @korcariiwitch for tagging me &lt;3
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20 TAV/OC QUESTIONS
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I. what do they smell like at their freshest? (and/or after a tenday. your choice)
mint, lavender, rosemary and a hint of vanilla.
II. what would their blood taste like to vampires?
i dunno, like blood usually does lol, or whatever blood with a lot of wine in it tastes like.. maybe she'd get them drunk
III. how would they kiss their LI?
she is quite reserved, so gently/discreetly in front of others (or just not at all), and more passionate in private.
IV. how do they sleep with their LI (what position, does one steal the blankets, is one too hot/cold, etc)?
Always steals the furry blankets, either doesn't really cuddle bc she is sweating under the fur blanket or has her leg over her LI if it is really cold hehe
V. what does their tent area look like? where do they prefer to pitch their tent (next to water, covered on three sides, etc)?
Cozy warm tones with a lot of candles, pretty much a fire hazard, incense and oils burning, a lot of furs for her bedding area, and decorated with dried flowers, medicinal herbs and animal bones, mostly deer. Prefers to be away from water and in a more seculded/quiet area.
VI. if they had a set of dnd dice, what would they look like?
A dark navy with bronze accents. Deer/dragon style engravings.
VII. do they collect anything (gems, bottles, keys, etc)?
Medicinal herbs, dried flowers and animal bones (as previously mentioned) as she believes everything can serve a purpose, even in death.
VIII. if either, are they part of the astarion/gale book club (magic & literature) or the wyll/shadowheart book club (trashy romance novels)?
definitely astarion/gale club, but she mostly focuses on studying history and medical stuff
IX. if they had to be put in a “get along shirt” with a companion, who would it be?
She gets along with everyone pretty much, but I'd say she would butt heads with Astarion on certain things, such as always having half-assed plans and rushing into things, and maybe Sharran Shadowheart due to her own religious beliefs.
X. do they prefer speak with dead or speak with animals?
speak with the dead, as much as she loves animals.
XI. what are their thoughts on clowns?
meh.
XII. their companions are gossiping about them behind their back! who is it and what are they saying?
Not sure who would, but probably talking about her decision to get a giant septum ring of an elk post-resurrection lol... maybe Karlach, but in a good way, like she also wants to get a piercing to match
XIII. what makes them laugh? what does their laugh sound like?
A very quiet and brief laugh; I would say when she is having a genuine conversation with someone she cares about, mostly laughing over Gale's jokes. It is mostly a breathy laugh that comes out of her nose. otherwise, it is mostly a sarcastic scoff at lack of common sense/general stupidity. Having a father who barely smiled/laughed himself, she kind of mirrors the same behaviour.
XIV. do they have any inside jokes among their companions?
She isn't really the type. I also am bad at coming up with jokes :)
XV. what’s the description of their camp clothes in the inventory menu?
my mods are messed up so it just says 'not found' lol... it is jaheria's camp outfit
XVI. what’s the description of their underwear in the inventory menu?
i dont have any on her... lol NOT BC IM A PERVERT BUT BC I JUST NEVER SEE THEM SO I DIDNT BOTHER
XVII. how do they celebrate their birthday?
She is a noble lady, so probably a large feast (with lots and lots of mead and wine) would be held in celebration. A lot of music and dancing, entertainment, often in form of live competitions, are held, gifts, etc... but as she prefers the quiet, she always sneaks away as soon as everyone is too drunk to notice lol
XVIII. what modern day tv show would they binge over a weekend? do they get their LI to watch with them?
Nature documentaries lol, I think she would be fascinated by National Geographic docs for suuure, and she would probably attempt to get her LI to watch them too out of pure excitement.
XIX. do you have a playlist for your tav? if so, what’s the title + description?
I do! It is just named after her lol, I guess the songs align with her personal arc that I am roughly/poorly developing in my brain
XX. if you were to try pickpocketing them, what would they be carrying?
Probably something that reminds her of home or a loved one, maybe a stone or a small gift that is sentimental to her.
I FORGOT TO TAG AGAIN: @julietvoid, @cheekylittlepupp, @dark-and-kawaii, @punk-muffins, @anderwelt aaand anyone else who wants to! if u have already done u can ignore or u just dont have to do it at all lol
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narcissiah · 2 years
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Build A Bear | Black Noir x GN!Reader
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yo so last week or smth i went to build a bear with my little relatives and when i saw chubby cubby (look it up you wont be disappointed) i fell in love, then i was struck with inspiration. so my chonky teddy bear and i hope you enjoy this lmao
warnings: heavy cursing, SPOILERS FROM S2 but not too specific in the bulleted fic? still be warned. other than that pretty mild, fluffy? yeah fluffy and probably ooc for black noir but whatevs
VAGUE (but still) SPOILER AUTHOR'S NOTE AT BOTTOM OF POST!!!!!!!!! DO NOT READ BEYOND THE ###
when news spread of Black Noir being in critical condition, a lot of internal questions were raised at Vought: who did this? was it an accident? was it on purpose? was it another supe? how can we market off this? etc
once crisis control handled the public nightmare that was social media and news outlets (special thanks to Cameron!), did the flood gates open
in the first few days, there were countless cards and money chip-ins for charity donations that Black Noir advocated for
i mean you could not take a shit without someone thrusting a card in your face and saying, "Wanna write something sweet to Noir so he gets better soon?"
hence came the little lie, "oh, i already got him something with a card. thanks tho"
you worked in the crime analysis department, so you did not have a close relationship with Black Noir personally
but that didn't mean you felt bad; i mean, critical condition? you had to give him something
and people at Vought would easily find out you lied and who knows what would happen then?
there are definitely some snakes in the grass if you know what i mean
but what would you get him? everyone else was giving cards and flowers and balloons. no doubt his hospital room is flooded with all those things
so while you're agonizing over what to get him because god forbid snakes figure out your "white" lie, you're stuck on babysitting duty for a friend's eight-year-old kid one day
while you're not too hip on what eight-year-old kids do in their spare time nowadays, you decide to take them to the ol' reliable of your childhood: the mall
as you both are walking around bored out of your minds do you see the answer to your agony: the holy golden glow of build-a-bear workshop
you have to drag the kid you're babysitting inside, but they dont put up a fight for long when they see a stuffed animal they like
unfortunately, you dont see anything you like, but you buy the kid your babysitting his bear (a frog dressed like Obi-Wan)
At the check out do you see another saving grace: "exclusive customizable bears online! order one today!!"
so the second you drop the kid off and you're at home, you immediately go incognito on your browser
you buy a stuffed (animal of your choice) and dress it up like Black Noir because build a bear is in an obvious partnership with Vought for younger consumer marketability
for the extra hell of it, you buy a "get well soon" shirt bc you thought how cute it would be to put it over the Black Noir getup
for the customization, on all 4 paws do you write: Black (front right) Noir (front left) For (back right) Ever! (back left)
you buy expedited shipping and when it finally arrives, you put on the get well soon shirt over the black noir outfit, but you stop from putting on the black noir helmet
why you didnt put on the helm was beyond you. maybe because you thought the sentimentality was stronger since you're recognizing he's still human beneath the suit??
who the fuck knows, anyway
you ask Ashley to give it to Noir (which took a lot of convincing, and a pricey meal for lunch).
funnily enough, you dont leave a card or any sign the gift was from you
you doubted yourself and regretted your decision because why not
but as long as you got him something with a little more personalization (and therefore make your lie true), you'd live with it
and forget about it eventually lol
fast forward like a few months
Black Noir recovered and had just finished his tour across the country selling his bullet-proof backpacks
you indeed forgot about the bear as time went on
one day you're at work and fucking around on the company computer to pass time when you feel a very warm and very heavy hand on your shoulder
the entire crime analysis department goes gravely silent
*sweatinglikeJordanPeelememe*
you slowly turn in your creaking office chair, and stare into the bottomless abyss that was Black Noir's goggles
he gestures for you talk outside privately (a secondary location? aw hell naw) but you oblige
as you both walk out of the department, the looks your co-workers give you... one of them even salutes you off
oh jeez oh fuck oh jeez oh fuck x100
when you're both outside in the back where there's literally not a single soul in sight, do you apologize
because its Black Noir, and of course he knew that was your gift
"ah jeez, Mr. Noir, sir, im sorry if you didn't like the bear. I didn't mean to offend you, please dont--"
and then the most confusing fucking thing happens
he pulls out a motherfuckin build-a-bear which was your favorite animal (how did he know?) wearing a freakin "thanks a bunch" shirt
*confusedwhiteguyblink*
he holds it out to you; you're quick to snap out of whatever fucking dream this was and gingerly take it from him
then you start giggling, relieved and so bewildered because what the fuck???
"hey...thank you," because of course you would say thank you for a thank you gift
and as if the day couldnt get any fucking weirder
Black Noir pulls you into a hug
like, a minute-long hug
while you're not as quick as earlier, you still reciprocate the hug—you even gently (read: awkwardly) pat his back!!
and then he removes himself from the hug, stares at you, then fucks off doing Black Noir shit
for a place of honor, you keep the toy right next to your monitor and look at it whenever you're feeling not like yourself
also, coincidentally, when Black Noir needs something from your department, he goes right to you and only you!!
#
i get the vibe that no one really cares about Black Noir at Vought; so i personally headcanon that except for the kiss-ass usual gifts, he got jack shit while at the hospital, if any at all. that's why i headcanon? imagine? that the second someone puts some thought into a get well soon gift like reader does, he's over the moon. my boy needs positive attention!! 😭😭😭
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stitchwraith-stingers · 2 months
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i am still thinking about this fucking reddit list on how good the faz frights protags are and its still cracking me up
toby for years was told by his brother that he will never be like him, had a homelife that felt like they isolated him and was a social outcast and only when conner was like "nah whatever idc ill drop it" did he realise he was in the wrong and if anything was shown to be nice to tabitha and maybe had some anger issues, and seemed to make irration desicitions (i.e just, stabbing himself instead of quitting) but i dont get whats so evil about him to be on the 22th spot
chris and sarah wanted to fit in so badly they acted like someone they arent just to fit in, sarah found eleanor and she helped her while chris befriended the popular kids and lied about his parents just to act cool, they both ignored their old friends in favor of their new lives and who they wanted to be, only ending in identity theft as they realise that is not what they wanted at all
payton. my buddy payton im so sorry the redditors keep on fucking your story up, she was litterly so traumatized by witnessing marleys ""death"" that she didnt want to speak about it and didnt want people to accuse her of something she didnt do, HELL I DONT THINK SHE LIKED MARLEY AT ALL, i imght be wrong on that last detail though
i dont know why angel and alec are on different parts of the list (though its kinda refreshing to see someone NOT say that angel is the worst and then go omg... alec... my poor boy) considering they have almost the same situation > both had VERY obvious favortism in the family > had parents that were assholes > had little sisters who were smothered > had some body horror esque situation before demise (obviously w some differences) though i have no idea what makes alec worse in this list?? huh
reed i think didnt do anything, at all, like i think hes put in this list in a 'thought back bully and now hes seen as the person who started it' way, he didnt even plan to make him die or anything he just locked him in the suit, he was NERVOUS about having him be hurt if anything, actually HE DIDNT EVEN MAKE HIM DIE, IT WAS ORY WHO FUCKED W THE CONTROLLER AND THEY COINCIDENTLY HAD THE SAME MAGNETIC CONNECTION OR WHATEVER THE FUCK
devon i honestly could not care less about him to save my life sorry everyone ive seen ENOUGH yaoi posting of them to the point where its the only thing you talk about in the tag 30% of the time and its gotten annoying for me but i dont think he should be at the very bottom, hes not EVIL hes just, werid, thats it, guy had a terrible home life and you put him next to mr 'i am terrible with women' at the bottom??
who the hell is noah
why the hell are most teens at the bottom, this shouldnt be an evil tierlist this should have been "tierlist of who has been an asshole the most" or something, and half of the time they fucked around and found out
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autistic-af · 1 year
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trying to figure out whether i should bring up if i have some paranoid personality disorder (theres more reasons, but that includes irl stuff, such as i feel like people will or are going to attack me and whatever else, not mentioned exclusively in text bc this is mainly about online people, i have no rl friends), or if this is part of autism, so im gonna ask here first, incase anybody knows something. this is a long one, so im apologising, but i need to tell you some context, so you know more.
so this became a thing later on in my life, but basically when i was young i never had any real friends, the ones i had used me and when i was being 'bullied' or he was being 'bullied' we didnt help each other, mainly because people are bitches and made fun of us for hanging out, and because i beyond hate confrontation, i am also extremely shy, that 'friendship' ended though, but it gotta been the only "real" one i have ever had. but with the girls they only used me for filler time and took advantage of my naive and gullibleness i had, that friendship also 'ended'.
but then when i quit school, i used to hang on the net and talk a lot with various people, i was an easy target for online bullying back then because i used to get a lot of people coming to me sending me various kinds of hate and threats because i liked stuff they didnt. i know a silly reason but hey, its the net, what'd you expect.
that was a thing that kept on going for years, i had made some "friends" online which turned out having spread what i told them, to other people, said "friends" would also then send me stuff about how im always sad and whatnot and they used to just, be so fake, nothing of what one of them which i considered a friend, what she said and had sent me, was never real, it was all made up.
i then along the time, well he came across me, gullible and naive as i was back then i totally bought the fact that he was sooo in love with me, shit happened and we exchanged stuff, not gonna mention but im sure yall have an idea. nothing of it however got spread around. but then he'd just suddenly leave one day, and we still talk and we're unstable as fuck, like this friendship is weird. its also all online...
i guess thats some context because later on, i kinda got this "idea" or "thing" in my head where after having been backstabbed, lied to, for years, by various people i had considered "friends" and they had considered me such too for years, i kinda got this again "thing" in my head where i feel like people are out to get me. like they only stick around to use me in various ways, i feel like i cannot trust anybody, especially new ones, new people give me such anxiety nowadays too.
i feel like whoever sticks around only uses me to talk to me as filler time because they're bored, and that has been proven some times, but definitely not enough to actually been considered an actual thing that is happening with new ones at all times, but also old ones.
and i also feel like everybody i talk to, deep down, hates me. but they just wont admit it.
i also feel like old people have stuck by because i've had rocky times of really bad unstableness, where i now feel like people stick because they're waiting for me to have another episode or complete breakdown where i'll fuck something up, like 'friendship' or post something i shouldnt, because they think its entertaining.
pretty much: i feel like people want something from me like they dont give a fuck about me just waiting to ask for stuff, and using me for boredom filler time, they use me solely for entertainment bc they know im mentally ill and shit and they love seeing me fuck up and feel like shit because that makes them feel better, they talk shit about me behind my back to other 'better' friends they have.
is this paranoia? or part of autism?
i did tell an old friend about what i thought, but i felt like i was insulting him, because he told me i shouldnt "give into paranoia". but i just feel like he and others hate me, use me as filler and wait for my "ultimate" breakdown to happen.
i have been stable for some time now though. especially after i got control of my drinking. thank you for reading, whether this is possibly part of autism or not, i appreciate you even considering answering this, you definitely dont have to. its just a thing i have been thinking for a long time now.
I actually fully understand where you're coming from as this was my experience (minus the online bullying, as I graduated well before that was big) and even at 40 I assume people are using me, have ulterior motives etc.
Others definitely can have their opinions and offer their POV, but I'd argue this is neither due to autism nor a personality disorder.
It's your brain making guesses based on prior history. It's a trauma response to being used and bullied.
I don't have an answer because, as I said, I still don't trust people even 22 years after graduating. I am very asocial (meaning I don't want to be out in society. People often confuse this with antisocial, which is a disorder and a hatred for society) and I am at peace with my husband and 2 cats.
Whilst our autism may have been the reason for the bullying, it is our brain that learns from that experience. We learn cause and effect, which in this case is going to assume people are disingenuous.
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creedslove · 6 months
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fanfact: there were rumors at the time about Pedro dating Teresa’s actress (sorry but I don’t remember her name) even though they were never confirmed and there are photos of him out with her and playing with her child (the child was her husband’s (at least I hope so LMAO)). I was stalking Pedro’s ig one day and I went back to old photos and I’ve found a photo from 2014/15 with Pedro with a female friend. The first comment that came out was from Teresa’s actress and she wrote something like “who is she?”. I’m sorry but I laughed so hard at that💀 she sounded so psycho-maniac LOL. Like girl?? he is not you bf or smth like that what do you care who she is? And if Teresa’s actress was really her ex that would be so stalking vibes LMAO. Can you imagine your ex going under your post and being like “who’s that girl with you????”. Plus not gonna lie, a lot of people say that the actress who play Teresa is sooo beautiful. Honestly she scares the shit out of me with those crazy wide eyes. She gives Nicholas Cage vibes.
LMAOOOO
Tbh the only rumors about Pedro's ex girlfriends I believe are the woman from GOT and Lily Rabe because he was so close to them, like all the time and then suddenly he never interacted with them again; like Lily for example, they follow each other but they don't interact at all, so I'm guessing that if they were only friends and nothing happened to ruin their friendships they'd still be around you know?
But anyway, that's kinda cringy, however I did have an ex girlfriend who did the exactly same thing, she would see OLD pictures of me with friends or co-workers or even relatives and whatever and she would question me about it! She would get jealous of people liking or commenting my pictures (they were my friends) and omg she would get jealous of ANONS sending me ASKS!!!
And fun fact: she was the one who cheated by kissing another guy and then the guy himself went on my Facebook page and texted me because he thought it wasn't fair she had lied to me 💀😰
AND OMG ABOUT HER LOOKS YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT!!!? A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO I WAS TALKING TO A GIRL AT WORK WHO LOVES THE MENTALIST AND I MENTIONED PEDRO AND SHE DIDNT KNOW HE WAS PIKE AND THEN I SAID "WELL I CAN'T BELIEVE HE LET AN UGLY WOMAN BREAK HIS HEART" AND SHE ARGUED WITH ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT TERESA WAS BEAUTIFUL???
LIKE IDK, I KNEW MENTALIST EXISTED BEFORE PEDRO AND I HAD SEEN THE GUY WHO PLAYS JANE BECAUSE HE WAS BFF WITH LIEV SCHREIBER MY OLD HUSBAND LMAOF AND THERE ARE SEVERAL PICS OF THEM AT THE BEACH TOGETHER AND I NEVER THOUGHT JANE WAS ATTRACTIVE AND THE TIMES I SAW TERESA ON SCREEN WHILE SKIPPING CHANNELS I NEVER THOUGHT SHE WAS ATTRACTIVE EITHER!
Like, idk, my problem is not even her eyes, I don't know how to explain because I don't think we have an expression for this in English like we do in my country, but to me she's got an expression that she seems to be constantly mocking or looking down on people you know what I mean? And omg her voice is so annoying and the way she speaks she sounds like Pedro's SNL LA way of talking like sama sama sama sama LMAO
Anyway, thanks for trash talking Teresa with me in order to give Marcus Pike justice 🤝
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terraliensvent · 22 hours
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multiple ppl close to kinah were able to verify that they were in the hospital recovering when the attempt happened. all of those ppl could not collab and lie so one person could get “extra attention” in ur words. Im frustrated with terra staff aswell but that doesn’t mean its ok now to call someones suicide attempt fake so ur feelings seem more valid. I find that extremely sickening. U have zero evidence or good reason for doubt or else u would have vented about it already. all u have is ur feefees. u do need therapy. And mod pls stop validating baseless speculation on smth so serious. what happened 2 people needing proof for claims like this
alright yeah im deleting kinah asks now
first off i dont think that people should just believe whatever they read on the internet, because you dont know who these people are irl. again, thats not to say that you shouldnt give support where you can or that you should make public callouts saying that it was all fake when you dont know for sure, BUT at the same time theres a level of speculation regardless because its the fucking internet. people are wild, people are strangers, and there is a non zero chance that people could have lied. just because people have a level of speculation on something they read online, that doesnt mean they need therapy and it doesnt mean theyre a bad person, it means they have a brain. if YOU want to believe it without a shadow of a doubt then thats fine, and if other people have some doubt thats also fine, just dont go out of your way to fucking bother people because thats just unnecessary.
second off, i need proof for accusations like “so and so is posting feral” or “so and so is an abuser,” saying things like “the way that kinah bounced back into cs makes me speculate” isnt an accusation.
the views of the anons i post here arent reflective of my own views, and if something is a problem i give my own input on it in my response. when i created this blog i didnt want to delete asks because i feel like that controls a narrative and makes me an unreliable narrator when it comes to these discussions. if people want to talk about things like this, i didnt want to force silence because thats not how you hold a discussion.
as an additional note: anons have been becoming increasingly aggressive in my inbox, whether its towards one another or towards myself. i implore all of you to stop being so aggressive, stop making assumptions, and stop playing this holier than thou card. so much of the art and cs community is made up of people who will virtue signal and place themselves on a moral pedestal and my inbox is the last place for that. if you want to rant and complain, go ahead, but stop acting like youre better than each other because you have the Correct Opinion on everything and believe everything you read on the internet.
my final thoughts on this are as follows: there is a non zero chance that everyone is lying. is it a small chance? sure. does this mean we should spread the narrative that it was all fake? no. are you a horrible person who should die in a fire because you dont 100 percent believe that the attempts were real? no, but also dont go out of your way to be an asshole because of that belief. i think we should all publicly operate under the assumption that the attempts were real. if you want to privately speculate, go fucking wild. could kinah going back into cs and making stuff for terras possibly be bad for their mental health? maybe. but also, its none of our business. and thats what im ending this topic with, a lot of this shit really is just none of our business and i think you all give way too much of a fuck about someone who you will never know irl.
i dont dislike kinah, in fact i actually really liked them when they were on staff for terras. but at some point we all gotta throw our arms up and say why is this taking up so much of my brain power when this person is just someone i follow on fucking toyhouse.
we are done with asks about kinahs attempt now, unless anyone has important info or something new to say im deleting them.
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masterporky · 4 months
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im gonna go on some sort of rant that may be deleted later. i guess it could be considered a vague post but ive cut off anyone who im "vagueing" or whatever. its kinda my explanation why i havent been here much recently. its not very cohesive or anything its kinda just my pissed off rambling. its really long or whatever.
ive been treated very poorly by people in the rpc. it was mostly in a discord server made by someone i had trusted. i trusted them because they were older and more experienced than me. and they seemed nice
i guess its my fault for being a kid on the internet in spaces primarily dominated by adults
but also. those same adults were kids on the internet just like me when they started out. so i dont understand how they cant show an ounce of sympathy or come up to bat for me when i very obviously need it
i dont care if you hate children, i dont care one bit. it was an all ages server. pro tip: if you dont want to be around children in online spaces dont be in all ages spaces!
even if it was only me and about 3(?) other minors out of like 10 active people. i dont care.
im mostly angry at myself for joining a server out of blind trust for someone i thought i was friends with. i know it wasnt very smart of me to join a server where i knew most of the people would be adults
but i still cant understand why they all began to fucking hate me. they acted like i was aggressive and unapproachable because that was the type of character i played. they vagueposted about me and acted like i was some sort of villain.
they made groupchats where it was me and 2-3 other people (usually mods) and practically ganged up on me whenever they didnt like the way i spoke or the way i played my character. and then one of those people who said they had been "bullied" by me joined back afterwards because yippee!!! i was gone!!! so now they could shittalk me some more.
"bullied" was me wanting them to properly communicate with me when they didnt like something i said or wrote. which when they did do that it was while in those groupchats. "bullied" was just them not liking the way i talked.
this person did so much other than just fucking that. they borderline fetishized black women & played what i can only fucking call a shittily concealed mammy stereotype. they roleplayed as a pedophile around child characters and REAL CHILDREN (me) which yes when they were askrd to stop fucking using their pedophile character they did. and they told me i frustrated them because they didnt understand me. there is a very high chance that i am neurodivergent. i dont care if you're neurodivergent too, thats borderline ableism. and their partner threatened to harass me once i left. what a great fucking thing to do.
oh and after i left, along with another person they put their "triggers" as "pokey minch" and "earthbound" which is just fucking spitting in the face of anyone with real fucking triggers. i did not traumatize you. grow the fuck up.
one of the weirdest things that happened was that someone who had joined had been making me uncomfortable beforehand (i have since forgiven said person) and no one else knew them. so they completely ignored when i was uncomfortable. but then. they had their character say "kill yourself" to one of the mod's characters and suddenly they got immidiately banned after. hm.
dont get me started on the mods. the mods who i thought were my friends, but excused everyone elses far worse behavior while condemning what i had done. which was seemingly nothing. and the owner of the server did absolutely nothing but let them do this.
i think the worst thing i did was, in a panic when i started feeling like a horrible person, send an apology to the owner a week later i dont feel bad anymore. i dont feel bad because i know that i didnt deserve whatever the fuck they were doing to me in there. i feel bad that i basically lied about being sorry. i guess it wasnt lying because i did feel very sorry and guilty at the time but it wasnt right to send what was basically a false apology to them and i wish i didnt because its embarassing and also wrong.
and the worst thing my friend who i invited did who they also hated (he's also like. a minor) did was send a very mean message to one of the people who had gotten mad at me for a seemingly very small reason and sent mods after me for it. which. i appreciate him being the only one fighting on my behalf. but i dunno.
that person was one of the people who made pokey minch their trigger. and had also made some insane fucking comment once about being "neutral on gay and trans people. some are nice" thats called being a bigot you fucking walnut. you cant be neutral on that sort of thing. and they criticized their coworker for being "racist" when their coworker just said that they hated white people and then got fired for it
the person i had the most problems with had spread what seemed to be false rumors about someone else in the rpc as soon as they entered so im not very certain im going to be safe from any sort of thing like that.
these people were 21-32. i am 14.
and not to sound like im giving you my sob story but its just that. do they just not remember being a kid? do they not realize how genuinely worse being in school has gotten? late generation z kids, especially in a school thats like mine where theres no minorities and everyone hates anyone whos different is actually hell. the people who hate me for being edgy or coming off as mean would fucking drop dead if they stepped foot in my godforsaken fucking school. on top of being bullied relentlessly in school, i now have to fear that i'll be basically bullied in the spaces that i thought that id be safe in. and by none other than people who should know better and thay i thought would have known better because they're well past highschool.
im tired of being treated like im an easy target for harassment everywhere i go. i almost quit roleplaying on tumblr altogether after that because it was such a stressful experience as well as the entire server being made up by mostly people i was mutuals with and have since blocked
ok um i guess my point is just that well. if youre going to have your blog or your discord server be an all ages space maybe dont try and chase out children immidiately because you dont like them because theyre children. you were an edgy teenager who acted stupid too so you should try to have an ounce of compassion for edgy teenagers who act stupid.
oh and also if you cant separate fiction from reality then block me. straight up.
also like. idk if any of you are worried youre following any of these people. i aint gonna like list them down since this isnt supposed to be a callout post but if you like really wanna know for some reason you can like dm me. like as long as u dont harass anyone or anything idgaf
anyways heres some shitty memes i made off it cause like you gotta do something to like not entirely die after some bullshit like that
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wanderrlust0 · 7 months
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-.-
idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.
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jwsflower · 2 years
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Five
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SYNOPSIS: You’ve been bestfriends and crushing on jungwon since middle school, but the day you planned to confess to him he never came to school. Later finding out that he had moved schools without telling you. Few year later when you had moved on you heard that theres a new student. You didnt think much of it, but...?
Pairing: Jungwon x fem!reader
Warnings: none that i can think of but lmk if there are any!!
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It was 6am and you heard your alarm ringing.
“Ugh im not looking forward to school today at all, i have to ask Mr. Choi if i can switch groups with someone” you thought outloud.
When you were ready you texted the gc to ask who can pick u up.
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15 minutes later you heard a beep outside and that was ur sign to walk ouside.
“Morningg sunny, tysm again for pick me up today” you smiled at him.
“Ofc its nothing Yn, do u wanna get some coffee before school??” he asked u
“Ohh yeah sure lets gooo” you replied
We both go into car and started to drive to Starbucks. You guys were driving in comfortable silence but then he spoke up.
“Hey, but are you okay after yesterday?”
“Yeah, im okay im atleast glad that chae and hoon explained themselves cuz i woulve been very upset if they lied to me.. “ you spoke up.
“Yeahh..” Sunoo dryly replied.
But little did you know that deep down Sunoo still thought that something was suspicious about both of them.
*time skip them already arriving at school cuz im lazy*
“Were heree” Sunoo spoke up brightly.
“Im not excited abt today at all, i have to ask mr. Choi to switch groups with someone else bc im not working with Jake.” you replied
“Good luck with that..” Sunoo laughed
“Thanks.. okay lets go to class now” you said that as you started walking into school.
When you walked into school you didnt expect seeing Yang Jungwon standing right next to your locker.
“You gotta be kidding me" you said under breath.
Before you could say anything Sunoo spoke up first. “ Ay Yang what are you doing here, Yn is not interested to talk to you rn. “
“Please I really want to explain myself and talk to her” he was basically begging.
But then you spoke up “ Jungwon i made it clear to you yesterday, give me time and maybe. just maybe im gonna give you a chance but please rn leave me alone”
“Okay, ill give you time just tell me when. Im gonna be waiting for you” he said that as he was walking away.
“Really yn? ur gonna give him a chance” Sunoo asked.
“I never heard him out, so maybe it wouldn't hurt hear what he has to say to me. And also im long moved from him so this isnt some pitying my crush thing. “ you replied
“Whatever you say Yn.. but now we should go to class” he pulled you by hand.
But deep down you thought, ‘ have i moved on tho ‘ you weren't too sure abt that part.
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previous || masterlist || next
note: Okay hi, its been quite a white since i wrote a chapter (like 3 months). Honestly i wasnt busy or something, its just i didn't have any inspo for a long time and i just didnt want to write something confusing or dumb so i just took time off. From now on ill try posting whenever i can but i wont be doing 2-3 updates cuz i feel pressure so ill post whenever i feel like and try to not disappear again. Again Thank you if u read this and thank you for waiting.
Taglist: open! (send and ask tba)
Taglist: @hiqhkey @enhacolor @she-is-dreaming @lovienikitty @lauvvai @ch0ijiung @wonieleles @enhasengene @harperwasstaken1 @heartj4yn0 @lil-iva @yvesismywife @brokeprimogems
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kawaii-pigeon · 1 year
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I've skimmed through discourse that occured days ago and it made me realize I want to get away from whole proship community (still have SALS mindset ofc). I'm disappointed, to say the least. Proshippers are the first ones to not have such black/white world view yet here they are with splitting way of thinking and leaps in logic. Abuse is abuse, no matter if you're 14, mentally ill, have trauma or whatever - and apparently that's a controversial stance? Proshippers should be first ones to realize difference between personal feelings towards something and objective reality
I unfollowed most of moots who actively post about proship not cuz of disagreements over small things (cuz what do people do irl when they meet someone with different views than theirs on matters??) but cuz of how they over dramatized, blew things up from proportions, jumped to conclusions and acted like immature kids. I don't need someone who'd block me and make callout posts about me if I stated something they viewed as great sin or idk what. Guess i just value grey areas and nuance in topics and "if you say a critical thing about minors you're automatically a bigot" sort of mindset
I can definitely agree with where you're coming from. Fuck for me it makes me think the community can go fuck itself and i hope the antis get a fixation on their blorbos specifically-
But i know thats just the kneejerk 'fuck you guys too' reaction. And that I'll probably still speak up when somebody is being bullied by antis, or anything involving proship stuff. Since there are a lot of people with softer skin then I who could benefit having someone on their... Side?
I know. Half the community thinks im an evil child hating asshole who actively wants their rights stripped away, just because again, im not radical youth liberation. (Fuck i was talking to an irl friend, and i had to explain what that even was broadly speaking, to them. And their words being "oh they need to touch grass grass-")
And its incredibly hilarious to see that people who interacted with me on a regular basis, jumped ship so fast, and believed shit being spewed about me, without confirming? Without asking? Without a single 'yknow that sounds kinda sus, Pigeons always been supportive' or even a 'i mean even if this is true, its just a stupid take, it happens'
None of that
And man. I didnt even do anything bad. I did not say "This happens all the time lmao" I said its incredibly rare. Some anons took that to me saying "it happens 100% of the time. Nobody ever lies about this!".
People lie! Abusive people LOVE to lie, so of course there will be some parents that twist the situation. The same way some parents drug their children to make them easier to deal with, but that medicine can still be -helpful- to children in some situations. These thoughts can all co-exsist.
Instead, all that shit went on, and its frankly disgusting the community couldn't apply an actual thought to the whole situation.
And fuck, i dont have kids, i dont interact with them by choice because i know thats the best thing for me. And they seeming believe ill just go 'lmao fuck them kids' and ask their parent if they want my belt.
Fuck when I was talking to a family the other day who was shocked to learn that my father beat BEAT me. Including kicking me in the gut, in the back, and hurting me. And unfortunately for me, fortunately for him; i dont bruise easy. (And that was because i wanted to celebrate a holiday; valentines day)
Why would I want ANYONE else to go through something similar?
I suppose when it comes to vulnerable people of any kind, you need to shut up, and act like they can only be victims REGARDLESS of circumstances.
People can be harmful and abusive regardless of their circumstances. That yes there can be economic factors, life factors, job and food insecurity, tons of stuff that contribute to the likelyhood of abuse-
Its stupid to think 'lmao that NEVER happens.' There are 8 Billion people on earth right now give or take. Statistically its unlikely but it happens.
We dont deny trans people exsist or that redheads exsist? Despite being a total of around 2% for each. If they're so statistically unlikely, then do we say they NEVER exsist? Despite being around 140 million? (This is just based off red heads. I have my own suspicions that there are actually a fair more trans people then we actually see do to multiple factors, and hope nothing but success and happiness)
Its ignoring fact.
The fandom that goes "we dont ignore therapist" ignored therapist and resources talking about domestic abuse phenomenon.
Which is r i c h.
So i get your gripes. Same here.
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oc-aita · 5 months
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u/throwawayff07f posted in r/amitheasshole:
am i the asshole for murder/fratricide/cannibalism?
throwaway account bc i have my own personal life going and i dont want this to affect my buisness. tw for murder, alcoholism, abuse? death, cannibalism ^u^
i, NB was the youngest of five siblings. they were techincally my half siblings because my mom cheated on their dad with my dad, and it became really obvious when i was born ginger lol. my mom and her husband started fighting and eventually she died. my dad didnt take me in, and my stepdad eventually ended up drinking himself to death, leaving my eldest sister e in charge.
another thing to note is i had a very severe age gap from my siblings. i was born when my youngest older siblings (twins, d (f) and b (f)) were ten, and as such i never felt like i fit in. it got so much worse after j was in charge of us, as all of my siblings (e, my brother l, d, and b) were vastly older than me and also hated me for ruining their family. i kinda ended up raising myself.
d and b were usually busy with school or whatever, but e and l were unoccupied and had nothing better to do than abuse me. l was supposed to get a football scholarship and e was going to start an album, and because of the everything they both blamed me that they couldnt follow their dreams. d and b weren't as bad but they all hated me.
when i was twelve, d and b were graduating college, and intended to move out, leaving me, an actual 12 year old, alone with e and l. e got really drunk and was talking about just leaving me so she could begin her music career and l could do his football. i got really angry and decided they couldn't just leave me, i was twelve, not fucking matilda, you know? so i waited until they went to sleep, got the butcher knife from the kitchen, and killed them all.
i had to use e's computer to look up how to get rid of bodies, and couldn't think up a good way to dispose of them without being suspicious. i thought - wait a minute, i could just eat them! i knew how to cook, like, a little bit, and so i chopped them all up and over the course of the night, ate all of the evidence. it tasted fine, fyi.
when the police were called, i lied and said i didnt know where they went, and that i didnt care. it was corroberated by some of the other neighborhood moms that my miserable siblings hated me, so i wasn't considered a suspect, especially because i was twelve and couldn't just kill a football star on my malnourished own.
so, uh, reddit. am i the asshole for a bit of justified cannibalism? i sure as fuck don't regret it.
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dyketubbo · 2 years
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i think maybe one of the most depressing things as an aspec lesbian to go through was the popularization of the sunset lesbian flag during a time where exclusionism was at a peak. the creator seems to have a reputation where people believe that the aphobic claims were fake or debunked
but. as someone who actually saw the aphobic posts made by her (which were very easy to find through simply searching ace on her blog) and all the snarky comments she would make to those who brought it up, along with using the term cishet ace even when people told her it wasnt good to say and having a generally "okay FINE whatever" attitude about it all, it really stinks that so many people bought into the belief that aspec people just. lied about it? or were just trying to take away from lesbians by talking about how hurtful it was to see the most popular design be made by an at-the-time aphobe?
people knew why the lipstick lesbian flag was harmful, but didnt seem to care about the flag the medium article maker (lydia) connected to it, one of which i think is honestly a more thought out flag than one thats just. the lipstick lesbian flag plus the butch lesbian flag put together. not to say it isnt a pretty design but. plphp. not to mention all the other lesbian flag designs that were shoved aside out of an idea that it was "too many" or that the sunset flag was the only valid option
im sure the creator of the sunset flag has changed by now, its been years and while it still exists exclusionism isnt at the all time high it used to be (even if the effects are still heavily felt today). but. it still stings, that so many people were willing to throw aspec people under the bus all for a pretty flag. even aspec people nowadays still think that the claims were lies all along. always gives me a bad taste in my mouth whenever i see the sunset flag now.
i guess maybe thats why i always opt to have dyke be at the forefront of my identity with my pride icons usually being any other flag related to my labels. i still love the alt lesbian flag designs a lot, especially the sappho poem one, but theres nearly no one who knows about it anymore, with the sunset one taking the precedent all because it was more recognizable and people didnt care enough about aspec people then.
just sort of stinks as an aspec lesbian now who had kept such a close watch on the discourse because of how much it meant to me. i wonder if people still talk about it at all
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executiioner · 8 months
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"vanilla vodka... you fucking child."
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METAL WAS NEVER A HER THING. most of the the time it sounded like chords and bass being strung through a blender. but she wasnt there for the music. the venue was shrouded in darkness, stage lights breaking through the smoky air and writhing bodies. the smell of cigarettes, weed and alcohol trapped inside the heat of shared energy that only existed on the other side of a stage. monsters came in all shapes and sizes, wearing band t-shirts and banging their heads right along side humans who sung of blood and bone.
but that didnt bother her. no, what bothered her was that none of them stood out. her magic slithered and dispersed like a fog, brushing against skin, searching for something more delicious than human. when life finally took its last breath, all that was left was hunger. death was a black void, always consuming, turning light into matter, swallowing life and spitting out power. so she used it as a beacon, picking out the creatures that hid behind their human skin.
"vanilla vodka... you fucking child."
anitas concentration fractured, turning her attention away from the crowd to the man next her. she had posted up at the bar at the back of the venue, the farthest she could be from the speakers without passing the bouncer. her brow furrowed for a moment before glancing behind her at the canned cocktail that sat on the bar top. ah. it was obvious the bartender knew she didnt belong there if thats what 'whatever' got her. funny.
" what can i say, i like to try new things, " the marshal replied. damien had been on her shit list for awhile. not only did he have terrible taste in music, he had a trail of murders that followed him where ever he went. as of now, there wasnt any evidence that he was responsible. she wasnt so sure herself. law enforcement thought it was a serial killer or random acts of violence chalked up to gang activity. and yet the government slid a blank execution warrant across her desk to make it go away.
" did you come all the way over here to insult my drinking habits or did you have something to get off your chest? "
she liked fact, not assumptions but when it came to damien taylor, something felt off. he felt human, no preternatural energy or magic coming off him. yet the death magic inside her hummed when he was near, the way a cat purred as it brushed against a familiar guest. it did the same to him, brushing along his skin as if trying to pushing itself through the flesh and bone to touch what lied beneath.
the necromancer learned a long time ago that if her magic wanted something, she wasnt going to like it.
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ghoulangerlee · 9 months
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i keep seeing that post about the one of the symptoms of a heart attack being a sense of impending doom and i think back to the time i went on a transport trip from hell for my aunt's dog rescue
and the lady that was supposed to be driving with me ended up not being able to drive a) at night b) for more than 2 hours at a time and c) on busy interstates (and that particular trip was Alabama to Niagara Falls, NY)
so I ended up driving for a very long time over the course of 2 days and when i got back into south carolina and dropped the lady off at her house and was on the way back to my house, i remember feeling bad and thought it was the stress of having to drive for basically 40 of the 48 hours i was on the road
i ended up calling my sister to talk to while i was driving bc i was tired and freaking out bc i felt like something super bad was going to happen to me if i didnt have someone to talk to and keep me distracted from whatever it was that i was feeling
after that things are a bit fuzzy but i did make it home and my aunt yelled at me for taking too long to get home, and my sister immediately noticed something was Wrong and wanted to take me to the ER
my aunt said nope and claimed i was faking feeling the way i felt bc i was upset she made that lady go with me (??? i didn't care about that?? but my aunt lied to me and said she would be able to drive an equal amount of time as i did and well.. :))
my sister ended up taking me to the ER anyway and at that point i started getting chest pains and just had Big Bad Feelings
uh anyway those were heart attack symptoms and im pretty sure to this day my aunt still doesn't believe it, despite my sister calling her upset and telling her that they were gonna keep me overnight because they wanted to keep an eye on me AND giving me discharge papers that very clearly said what they were treating me for.
i mean ffs the woman's husband has had so many heart attacks over the years you'd THINK she'd recognize the signs.
but obvs i was faking it all yes of course :)
anyway my aunt is a piece of shit and that post always makes me think of her and the time i was Experiencing a Heart Moment
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