zhiji. zhiyin.
moments since then--
i wanted / the past to go away /
i've been looking for places where silence means peace
i wanted to leave it, like another country;
and not loneliness, because i've spent enough time
i wanted / my life to close, and open / like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song / where it falls /
tell me about despair, yours,
down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery; /
and i will tell you mine. / meanwhile the world goes on. / meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, /
i wanted /
over the prairies and the deep trees, / the mountains and rivers. / meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
to hurry into the work of my life; i wanted to know, whoever i was, i was /
tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine. / meanwhile the world goes on.
alive /
i've been looking for places where silence means peace and not loneliness
for a little while.
"Moments since then" (from 'Places I’ve Taken My Body: Essays' by Molly McCully Brown, source); "I wanted the past to go away" (from 'Dogfish' by Mary Oliver, source); "Tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine" (from 'Wild Geese' by Mary Oliver, source)
TYK excerpts under the cut:
"Close friends that can completely understand each other" ('Story about Zhiyin', from the wikipedia article of Bo Ya, source); "I thought you said you intended to live and die with me, Part 1/2" (TYK, Ch.46, tl. wenbuxing); "Luckily, I haven't fallen deeply in love with you yet." (TYK, Ch.29, tl. lianzi); "Does it hurt?" (TYK, Ch.45, tl. wenbuxing); "I thought you said you intended to live and die with me, Part 2/2" (TYK, Ch.46, tl. wenbuxing); "To feel a closeness to a friend or a loved one despite being seperated by a great distance" (from the idiom definition of "海內存知己,天涯若比鄰", wiktionary article, source)
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I made a SNEO playlist a while ago and wanted to make a video with it but it turns out that 1hr and 21mins of laggy premiere pro effects was ..Very hard to work with (and the video would be ridiculously huge in file size)
But here’s the playlist itself! Maybe there’s still hope for the video…
Sorry for the weird format I don’t use Spotify lol
TRACKLIST BELOW (content warnings for certain tracks are also below!)
DURATION: 1:21:31
(Most are slightly slowed)
Dream Puzzles - I'm real, I'm alive
Lemon Demon - My trains
Rob cantor - I'm Gonna Win
Will wood - Tulpamancer's Prosopagnosia
groundbreaking and shadrow - voices
Jack stauber - dumpster girl
IDKHOW - Leave Me Alone
Lemon Demon - Cabinet Man
Mother mother - Business Man
IDKHOW - Mad IQs // noose mention
Will Wood - Laplaces Angel
Depeche Mode - Welcome To My World
Manipulation - JTFrag! & Bomber
Bear Ghost - Starkiller
IDKHOW - from the gallows // suicide mention
jack stauber - i hope you miss me in heaven
Tally Hall - Turn the Lights Off
Depeche mode - Heaven
Ghost - Perfect nothing
Halsey - Gasoline (Rock Cover by Johnny Laurelli)
Jhariah - DEBT COLLECTOR
Tally Hall - The Mind Electric (custom clips)
The 88 - Biggering
The Neighborhood - Wires
Anthony Warlow - Jekyll and Hyde: Alive
Tally Hall - The Mind Electric (Demo 4 clip)
END
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Taylor Swift Songs That Mention Cars That Are Totally About Phoebe and Silas - White Horse
say you're sorry, that face of an angel / comes out just when you need it to / as i paced back and forth all this time / 'cause i honestly believed in you
Because Phoebe and Silas are so close and have known each other for so long, Silas has likely picked up on the thing Phoebe does where she changes aspects of her personality based on who she's with, especially because I think she started to develop that a lot more during General Hong's trial, though it was definitely present while she was in London. Despite this, he probably still believes that he knows her, not just a facade that she's putting up. When Silas finds out about Phoebe being Priest, I think she's going to panic. Because I think a huge part of the reason that she changes her personality based on who she's with is her fear of losing people. And I think this is one of the bigger reasons she's trying so hard to keep her identity as Priest under wraps (I'm getting this from the end of the scene where Oliver and Celia break into Rosalind and Orion's apartment). Based on this, I think if Silas were to confront her about being Priest, she might panic and try to tell him what he wants to hear. And I think Silas would likely pick up on this if she were to do that and start to wonder how much she has been lying to him.
stupid girl, i should've known, i should've known
I think Silas will blame himself for not realizing that Phoebe is Priest quite a bit. I think he'll feel ridiculous for ever thinking that he ever really knew her beyond the front that she's putting up. He's going to feel really used. He let her know crucial details about his assignments all while likely picking up on a lot of stuff she was clearly hiding from him (ex: the gun in tpats). Not going to be a great time for him.
that i'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale
In this song, Taylor Swift alludes to common fairytale characters and tropes to contrast the way she naively idolized her idea of a romantic relationship with the actuality of how one ended. This connects with the way that Silas has idolized Phoebe and ignored her faults, seeing her as more of an idea than a person and how that view of her will be shattered when he finds out that she's Priest.
now it's too late for you and your white horse / to come around
In the alternate reality dimension where Phoebe and Silas don't end up together, this is Silas saying that Phoebe has irreparably broken his trust, and it's too late for her to try and fix what she's done.
maybe i was naive, got lost in your eyes / and never really had a chance / well, my mistake, i didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand
Again, Silas is likely going to naive and used when he realizes that Phoebe is Priest. I think he's going to doubt that their relationship was ever anything more than her manipulating him.
i had so many dreams about you and me / happy endings, now i know
Silas has loved Phoebe since they were very young. (I think that Phoebe has loved him since they were very young as well but has a harder time admitting it to herself for a number of reasons.) I think he could come to the conclusions that his dreams were unrealistic, ridiculous, and naive, at least for a little bit in FHH. We know they will get their happy ending, but I don't think it's going to be the ideal perfect relationship with zero problems that has been in Silas's head for years. I think he's going to start to see a more complete picture of Phoebe, including her faults, and love her more for it. And I think this is going to help him learn to stand on his own more. And be a more complete person, regardless of whether Phoebe is there or not. And I think their ending will be much happier for it.
and there you are on your knees / beggin' for forgiveness, beggin' for me / just like i always wanted / but i'm so sorry / 'cause i'm not your princess, this ain't our fairytale
Okay. So on the tiny chance that we are right about the potential "we have never been real" "we were to me" scene parallel, this would likely be the first time Phoebe has ever come anywhere close to directly admitting her feelings for Silas to him. And I think that if this scene were to happen and I am right about Silas's reaction to Phoebe being Priest and how that could potentially change his perception of her, I think that her finally admitting her feelings to him in this context could make him think that even if what she's saying is true, it means very little for her to be saying it to stop him from leaving. And he is no longer willing to blindly believe her and go along with whatever she's saying just for the hope of being included.
i'm gonna find someone someday / who might actually treat me well
Okay hear me out. It would be funny. Obviously painful to read. But funny. If Silas rebounded for 0.0000567896 seconds in FHH. And had a little bejeweled era. Because I support pettiness. And with the multiple povs the whiplash you would get from jumping from Alisa and Roma reuniting or something to Silas rebounding would be absolutely insane and very funny. I do not think this is actually going to happen at all. However, I don't have direct evidence that it won't happen, and I think it would be funny. But painful.
this is a big world, that was a small town / there in my rear-view mirror disappearing now
Obviously Shanghai is not a small town. But this is the obligatory car line. It is also representative of outgrowing childhood and experiencing the complexities of the real world, which often don't line up with the perfect idolized scenarios you come up with when you don't know better.
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