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amysteriousmessenger · 3 years

Note

If you are accepting requests what about first date headcanons with the RFA (if that is too many characters what about just Yoosung? 😊) hope you have a great day xx

I hope this okay anon!! I added Saeran and V into this just for my own serotonin <3 oh to think about Saeran’s first date~ Reminder that I have a giveaway open!

Yoosung Kim First Date Headcanons

Oh, he is so nervous. He’s never been on a date before, so cutscene to him asking Zen and Seven what he should do: with Zen suggesting that he should be as suave as possible, presenting you with bouquets and chocolates and Seven telling the boy that he should only speak backwards to prove that he was cool. Definitely not trying to just make him look like an idiot.

He’s a poor student, so your first date would be somewhere relatively cheap, most likely the cinema and then go get some food afterwards! Yoosung would believe he had to be chivalrous and let you pick the movie and where you wanted to eat, and would try to pay for your ticket and food since he’s the one who asked you out.

He’ll be internally panicking the entire time in the cinema, wondering whether he was allowed to wrap his arm around you or touch your hand. He really wanted to, but he didn’t want you to think he was moving too fast. So, when you lean your head on his shoulder he swears his heart stops. He won’t move a single muscle for the rest of the movie because he doesn’t want to disturb you.

He’ll try to work up the courage to hold your hand on the walk home and he’ll actually manage it when you’re about two minutes away from where you live. It’s the thought that counts.

Zen/Hyun Ryu First Date Headcanons

On the outside, Zen’s cool and collected. He knows how to flirt and how to look good whilst doing it. He’s had a girlfriend before but that was a while ago, so he would be ever so slightly worried that perhaps he’ll be a little rusty. He spends extra long looking himself over in the mirror making sure that he looks his absolute best before he comes to meet you.

Your date would be an evening in the bar, sharing a couple of drinks and getting to be more comfortable in one another’s presence. Zen’s usually flirty, but he’s even more so after he’s had a couple of beers. He’ll be throwing compliments and winks at you like there’s no tomorrow: but that’s okay because you’re definitely enjoying the attention.

You’ll talk about everything under the sun, the RFA, his work, your hobbies, how much he hates Jumin, how weird funny Seven is.

Zen will make sure you’re into it before he touches you, but he’ll be quick to wrap his arm around your waist or lightly touch your hand, using his finger tips to trace around the inside of your wrist. He won’t admit it, but seeing you so happy for his affection and even reciprocating it flusters him a little because it’s so genuine and sweet.

Zen insists on walking you home, especially because it’s late and he wants to personally make sure you get home safe. He’ll swap between holding your hand and holding you by the waist as you walk, and will kiss your cheek before you go into your house. He doesn’t want to push his luck or overstep any boundaries, he’s a gentleman afterall, but he’s very pleasantly surprise when you pull him in for another kiss on the lips.

Jaehee Kang First Date Headcanons

Jaehee’s also rather nervous before the first date, but tries her best to keep calm. She figures that you wouldn’t have agreed to the date if you didn’t already like her, but she’ll still doubt herself in that you should be with someone more interesting and less plain.

She’ll invite you to a lunch date at her favourite coffee shop, and will enthusiastically explain all the different types of coffee beans and processes to you. Your heart flutters at the sparkle in her eye and she apologises for getting too excited, please reassure her that you love listening to what she has to say.

When you both order and sit down, Jaehee gives you the Zen DVDs she offered to lend you, and the two of you talk about the different musicals and extra behind the scenes, and Zen, and you promise to guard these DVDs with your life.

You listen as she slightly vents about Jumin, which is very understandable and you console her for having to catsit Elizabeth the 3rd once again. Jaehee gets a little bit flustered when you read across the table to hold her hand, but her gentle smile indicates that she’s enjoying the affection.

When it’s time for you to part, after Jaehee got another coffee to go whilst muttering that she just got another two emails from Jumin, Jaehee’s a little hesitant on the appropriate goodbye, she isn’t quite sure what to do since it was only a first date. The two of you hug, and she’’’ be so worried you’ll feel how much her heart is racing.

Jumin Han First Date Headcanons

Pulls out all the stops. You continuously assure him that he doesn’t need to and that you’re on the date to spend time with him, not his money. And whilst he understands that, he wants to treat you to a pleasant first date that you won’t forget and just believes that it should be standard to treat his partner.

He’ll have Driver Kim pick you up and bring you to Jumin’s favourite restaurant, where he’s (Jaehee) made reservations for the two of you. It’ll be an evening meal, shared over a bottle of horrifically expensive wine.

He’ll show you another one of his beautifully captured blurry images of Elizabeth the 3rd. He’ll even offer to show you the livestream he has on his phone, showing you watch Elizabeth was currently curled up asleep on the sofa.

He’s more interested in hearing about you than talking about himself. Jumin doesn’t mean to worry you with his forwardness. He’s very intent on being nothing like his father in terms of dating, and wants you to know that he doesn’t go into anything half-hearted, his lovelife included.

You offer to pay your share, but Jumin declines. He insists that he was raised to pay for his partner’s meal, but he appreciates the sentiment that you were not depending on him to cover your bill, even though he always intended to do so anyway.

You’ll share Driver Kim’s car on the way back, with Jumin taking your hand and kissing it as you left the car, telling you that he had a wonderful time and hoped that you did too, a small smile present on his face.

Saeyoung Choi First Date Headcanons

Seven is very stressed. Firstly, he can’t believe that he even asked you on a date, let alone the fact that you said yes. Who would want to date someone like him? He’s a mess. But regardless, he’s getting himself all worked up and it’s only a slap in the back of the head from Vanderwood that sorts him out.

Your first date would be to an arcade during the evening. You let Seven pick the date, and you laughed when you heard what he had chosen. It was so him: fun, childish, a bit chaotic.

He’s very good on the claw machines, and will make a point of winning you any stuffed animal you want. He’ll also just win any particularly cursed plushies that he sees. This means that you’ll end up with an entire bag of cute stuffed animals, a minion, a bootleg Shrek, a fish with no eyes and a random sock that somehow made it’s way in.

As a joke, you bring the bootleg Shrek up to your lips and kiss it before pressing it against Seven’s lips to also kiss the stuffed toy. His heart is racing and he sends a flustered, very speedy message of ‘ASDFGWESHARED AN INDRECT KIS WITH SHREK!!!’ to Vanderwood, and completely received an ‘I don’t care’ in reply.

The two of you take a selfie to send to the chatroom, and Seven’s heart is fluttering so fast, you’re so close to him and oh god he can even smell your perfume and it’s so nice and- Snap. You took the picture, and laughed at how Seven wasn’t even looking at the camera in the photograph, he was glancing at at you with the softest expression on his face. He’s so embarrassed.

You get a ride home in one of his babies, and once you collect all of your stuffed toys out of the backseat, you root around in the back and give Seven the bootleg Shrek you both kissed. He wishes you a goodnight and turns to turn the radio on after you get out the car. He wasn’t looking at you, so his heart was not prepared for when you planted a kiss on his cheek before promptly running back into your home. Oh. He’s fallen, hard.

Saeran Choi First Date Headcanons

Saeran had never been on a date before, he’d never even had anyone romantically interested in him or been romantically interested in anyone before he met you. There was no way he was going to ask his idiot brother for advice, even though Seven was quite literally begging him to do so. He’d relented to the extent of briefly looking it up online, but nothing seemed quite right.

He’d settle on a picnic and a walk around the park, since it was simple and sweet. He was a little nervous, so hoped that the flowers and sky would calm him down and he’d be able to talk to you about any flowers that the two of you found.

He’d make the picnic food all on his own (letting his brother eat any of the scraps from the preparation) after asking what your favourite foods were. He’s so happy to see you enjoying what he made, it fills him with a warmth he still cannot quite pinpoint, but he knows he wants to feel it again and again.

He’d take your hand in his as you walked around the park, where he could point out the different flowers and tell you their meaning, and how pretty they would look braided into your hair. When the two of you see an ice-cream van, he immediately suggests going over to buy some, and your heart clenches at the sheer childlike joy at getting to eat it. It’s so sweet and tender to watch.

He swears he can see a poof of red hair every now and then from behind a tree, or in the reflection of a shop. Surely not. He must be imagining things. He had better just be imagining it.

V/Jihyun Kim First Date Headcanons

V isn’t particularly picky when it comes to dates, as long as it’s doing something that you would enjoy. If you left it down to him, which you did this time since it was your first date and he was the one that asked you out, it would be spending time together at his house over a bottle of wine. He’s not as formal as Jumin, so he doesn’t mind you coming over straight away. V’s not expecting you to spend the time, so he’s already arranged for one of Jumin’s drivers to come and pick you up afterwards, as a personal favour to Jumin.

Genuinely, V just wants to know more about you. He’ll ask you about your likes and interests, what you hate, how you love, what your world views are, how you see yourself and what art means to you. He’s not a particularly great cook, but he’ll make dinner for the two of you and pour you a glass to go with it.

He doesn’t regard himself as an interesting enough person to warrant your attention, but he’ll answer almost any question you ask him about himself. He’s trying to be a more open and honest person, especially to you. Whilst there are some things he’s tentative to talk about, he’ll freely share his world and artistic views with you.

V will show you some of his photographs, and more intimately his paintings, in his studio and let you see his workspace. He’ll show you around his private collections and, if you’re comfortable with it, will ask to take pictures of you since there’s not enough time to paint you- although he definitely mentions wanting to do that at a later date too.

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honeyedhoseok · 5 years

Text

Stitch | The V2 Series

Genre | Angst (literally only angst in this part), Taehyung x reader, friends->lovers->friends? au, The V2 Series

Word Count | 5.1K

Summary | “I’ve been an anchor that’s pulling on you / Stopping and stalling is all that I do / You were so bright but I painted you blue” It’s been exactly 58 days (and counting) since you last spoke to Taehyung. After weeks under your new facade, all it takes is a simple Instagram post to send you spiraling. [Takes place after the present-day argument between Taehyung and Y/N in Forever, Fire Burning Blue !]

Warnings | Mentions symptoms of depression, sadness, and anxiety. Language.

A/N | Side Warning: Taehyung might break reader hearts by the end of this chapter. But I’m really excited to see what you all think!! Enjoy <3

Read the other parts of The V2 Series HERE!

It’s been exactly 58 days since you’ve talked to Taehyung.

The only reason you are reminded of the number is because one of the last pictures in your phone is from the day before your argument. You two are posing with the pizza in his bed—you, with your slice covering half your face as you try not to laugh too hard at Taehyung, who had just taken a bite and slapped hot cheese on his chin.

The picture is blurry because as soon as it happened, Taehyung yelled out in pain and almost dropped his slice—so his body is a moving whirl of colors in the picture, not exactly a part of the fun that was supposed to be conveyed, while you sit there posing, perfectly content with your own piece of pizza.

You suppose it’s a good representation of how things felt in the last fleeting moments between the two of you.

You can’t delete it. Every time your thumb hovers over the trash can icon in the corner of the picture, the hurt in your chest comes back—an aching that you cannot even begin to describe, much less figure out how to get over it—and you end up exiting out of the photo app, saving the dilemma of deleting it for yet another time.

To say the least, you miss him.

To say the most, you miss him so much it feels like you’re not exactly you anymore. You miss him so much you haven’t slept well in two months. You miss him so much that nothing seems enjoyable anymore—going to work, hanging out with friends, getting dressed for a night out, going to school. Hell, even eating has become a monotony to you because nothing tastes as good, and you find yourself leaving more and more food on your plate each time you push your chair back from the table.

Despite all of this, you are doing well. You are doing well on the outside because you refuse to let anyone know the raging storm of emotions that are happening on the inside. In reality, you can’t let anyone know.

You don’t hang out with your friends as much, but you do go to work—bar tending on the weekends when you don’t have school—and you make drinks and you talk with the customers and you put on a fake smile for all the dirty old men who flirt with you after they order their third, fourth, and fifth beer.

You spend a lot of time with Hongbin, trying hard to devote all the time and energy that you didn’t have before to showing him that you now undoubtedly care for him like no other person on earth.

You are living a lie. But it’s okay because you hope one day it will merge itself into the truth if you just keep pretending long enough.

Another week passes by under your new facade.

You are sitting in the living room with Hongbin, eyes glazing over some sitcom on the television that he insisted on watching each night after dinner, when your phone lights up on the table in front of you.

You pick it up, eyes still trained on the TV, letting out a small giggle at the antics of one of the characters. When your gaze finally drops down to the lit-up screen with the notification sitting in the middle, your stomach drops at the tiny words alerting you of the one person you’ve been trying to forget.

tvehyung posted to their story for the first time in a while

You read it over a few times, trying to decide if you should even indulge in looking at his social media. The two of you hadn’t deleted each other on anything—you were still friends on Snapchat, Twitter, and Facebook, as well—you just weren’t talking or acknowledging each other’s presence.

Taehyung’s social media accounts had been inactive for the whole two-month silence. What could he have posted, suddenly?

You shift the blanket covering your legs over to Hongbin, untangling yourself from his embrace to walk to the bathroom; he hadn’t noticed the stiffening of your body when you looked at your phone, which you were grateful for. If you were going to break the personal limitations set for yourself, the least you could do is allow yourself to do it in private.

You close the door behind you with a soft click, choosing to sink down onto the fluffy, white rug in front of the bathroom cabinets rather than perch on the closed toilet lid or the side of the tub. Your hands grip your phone with sweaty urgency as you finally click on the notification, holding your breath while your screen pulls up Taehyung’s Instagram story.

It’s just a picture of him at a café, clearly taken earlier that day—a coffee sits in front of him and in the corner is a geotag for the place. It’s nothing special and so you let out the breath, feeling triumphant in overcoming an obstacle—what obstacle you aren’t sure, but you know the feeling of relief that flows through your veins is one you welcome.

However, you make the grave mistake of clicking on his profile afterward—suspecting that you are going to see the same pictures he’d previously posted and hadn’t updated in months.

You are extremely mistaken.

Sitting—beautifully, you might add—in the top left corner of his feed is a new selfie that has your shaky fingers clicking on instantly, your eyes drinking in the photo and caption. At first you are excited—it’s Taehyung in all his handsome glory, staring with mild disinterest in the camera—but the caption is what gets you.

“Han Yeseul?” you breathe out, your stomach knotting at the just the sound of the syllables all together, at the images they send flashing through your brain, at what they mean for your quickly-crumbling facade.

You click on her name and have to close your eyes for a second to stop the rolling nausea that floods your system; her profile contains, in a neat row at the very top, three pictures of Taehyung with his new petunia-colored hair—all posted within the last week.

He is walking in front of her in one—stylish as ever in a chic button down and black trousers, his overcoat thrown over his shoulder.

He is smiling in the next, happy as hell as he sits across from her at fancy restaurant downtown.

He is brushing his teeth in the most recent, looking messy and pretty from having just woken up—with Yeseul obviously in the same state behind the camera lens from the early morning time stamp on the picture.

Each caption is vague, but they don’t need to say anymore—the pictures do enough to justify the situation at hand.

Taehyung is not mourning your separation by not sleeping, not eating, not feeling; no, Taehyung is living. Unlike you, Taehyung is moving on.

Specifically, to another girl.

You press a hand over your trembling lips, tossing your phone to the side in the bathroom as you scramble toward the toilet, gripping the edges as you release the jittery contents of your stomach into the porcelain bowl.

It’s about a week later after seeing the picture that Yeonwoo wakes you up by pounding incessantly on your apartment door.

You groan, rolling out of bed and rubbing sleep out of your eyes as you stumble towards the sound, thinking of all the cuss words possible to spew at her when you finally open it—

“What?” you snap, squinting at her through the lines of your screen door. “What is it?”

“Why aren’t you answering your phone?” she asks, shoulders slumping. “I’ve been calling you all morning.”

“I was sleeping!” you exclaim, opening the door to let her in.

“Y/N it’s 2 p.m.,” she responds, looking at you wearily. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you grumble. “It’s my day off—I had two double shifts at the bar.”

Yeonwoo walks into the kitchen, setting her purse down on the table.

“Well, I don’t know if you remember or not, since I haven’t heard from you since I asked—” She presses the button on your coffee maker and pulls two mugs down from the cabinet, “—but I asked you to ride to town with me to get stuff for the party this weekend.”

You slump down at the table, still halfway out of it from the rude awakening you’d received just a few short moments ago.

“A party?” you croak. “Who is throwing a party?”

“I am,” she says, sighing. “We talked about this.”

“Right, right,” you say, waving a hand in the air dismissively. “Listen, Yeonwoo. I forgot and I’m tired, I really don’t feel like walking around in town—”

“Y/N, please!” she says, clasping her hands together. “You promised you would because Hyejin can’t!”

Your eyes glaze over her pouty face, taking in the shiny lip gloss swiped across her poked-out bottom lip and the lashes that graze her eyebrows as she widens her doe-like eyes.

“Please,” she says again. “I’ll wait for you to get dressed—I’ll have a cup of coffee and watch TV so you can shower!”

You groan, running a hand through your hair—it gets caught in one of the knots caused by your incessant tossing and turning in bed and you drop it back to the table, ignoring the twitch of Yeonwoo’s mouth at the action.

You know that you should go out and do something—you haven’t been out of the house in God-knows how long, which is why Hongbin wasn’t around today. It was his day off as well, but he was out with some guy friends from work. Asking you to do something the night before had ended terribly—you two got into an argument and he’d slept on the couch. He’d obviously gotten up and dressed while you were still snoozing happily in bed.

You’d also asked him to stop the get-togethers at your apartment every other weekend; you didn’t want to have to deal with the possibility of him inviting Taehyung—just the thought of that situation made anxiety twist in your stomach.

You knew you were being ridiculous, but you couldn’t bring yourself to snap out of it. You just wanted to be left alone to wallow in whatever self-pity phase you were going through until you could get over it yourself—not because someone else wanted you to or needed you to.

“Hyejin and I are really starting to worry about you,” Yeonwoo adds on quietly, gaze dropping from yours. “You know you can talk to us if something is bothering you, right?”

You nod, fixating your gaze somewhere out the window in the kitchen. “I’m fine,” you repeat dryly.

“We even tried to ask Tae, because we thought you were mad at us or something—”

“You talked to Taehyung?” you say, your eyes immediately finding hers again. She looks surprised at the urgency in your tone, but she nods.

“Yeah, he said you just needed some time alone—and so we’ve been trying to give you that but, we miss you, Y/N.”

Your lips press together in a hard line. So far, Taehyung had been very adamant about keeping the fact that you two weren’t talking under wraps. Even in the face of your best friends, he was still acting like everything was perfectly fine between you two, and not like you hadn’t talked in over two months.

“Is everything okay at work?” Yeonwoo asks lightly. “Maybe you should take some time off, I know it’s hard to juggle that and your night classes sometimes—”

“I really don’t need anyone else suggesting what I need to do for myself,” you snap, rising from your chair. “Hongbin does enough of that for everyone. I know what I can handle.”

Yeonwoo presses her lips together in a tight line, nodding. “Okay.”

“I’m going to take a shower,” you say, returning to your bedroom quickly before the hurt in her eyes can make you feel any worse than you already do.

Yeonwoo talks animatedly in the front seat as you drive downtown, catching you up on all the things you’d missed in the group chat with her and Hyejin during the weeks before.

You felt bad for silencing their messages, but it was annoying to see their constant stream of texts when you had nothing to say—you hoped that if you stopped reading and replying, they’d get the hint and take their chats into a separate group; thankfully, they did in the end. The chat had been silent for days, which is when you supposed they asked Taehyung about your current distanced disposition.

You do more listening and making small agreement noises than talking during the ride, letting your eyes drift over to the scenery passing by in a blur by the window until you start seeing the familiar store fronts of downtown.

“Do you mind if we eat something first?” Yeonwoo suggests, looking over at you with caution, as if at any moment you could bite her head off for the second time that day at a suggestion she made.

You nod in silence, deciding to let her have this one thing. You were a little hungry, so you could do this for her.

“Something small,” you suggest quietly, and that’s enough to sate Yeonwoo. She straightens her back, placing her hands higher on the wheel and gives a quick flash of a grin your way.

“Great,” she says. “There’s this café downtown I wanted to show you.”

You don’t ask which one. You don’t want to start Yeonwoo on a rant again. Instead, you lean back in your seat, allowing your head to press against the backing and close your eyes. She picks up on your obvious dislike for the conversation she was trying to carry on and quiets down, turning the radio up a few notches and singing softly to a song.

The café is one that you’ve never been to before, but your curiosity immediately heightens as you get out of the car, eyes tracing the name hovering above the door that sparks recognition in your brain.

Café Du Monde.

It seems so familiar, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on when or where you’d heard it before. Yeonwoo is already out of the car, pushing the door open to the café and holding it for you. She looks back over her shoulder, eyebrows furrowing at the troubled look on your face.

“What’s wrong?” she says. “I promise the bagels here are really good!”

“It’s nothing,” you say quickly, speeding up to catch up with her. You follow her inside, taking in the quaint atmosphere of the coffee shop—everything is wooden and modern, and strings of white, holiday lights line the walls; Yeonwoo watches you, trying to gauge your reaction.

Your eyes finally meet hers and you smile at her. “It’s really cute.”

“Isn’t it?” she says, bouncing on her toes a little. “They sell real macchiato here—like the espresso shot, not the sixteen-ounce version in a cup you get from Starbucks. And I heard the chai latte and the hot chocolate are really good, although, I’ve never tried it, but I heard from Mina that—”

You’re half-listening, half-not because you’re gazing at the menu behind the bar, looking at all the different flavors you could get in your coffee. The bell above the shop door tinkles again as the door is pushed back open, and your eyes graze over to the newcomer in the shop.

Your heart sinks.

The door swings shut behind the customer, and reality comes crashing down on you all at once. Café Du Monde—it’s the same cafe that Taehyung had posted about on his Instagram a few days before. But the thought doesn’t reach you until you’re swinging your gaze over, landing on the countenance of a gorgeous, five-foot-ten man that you know better than anyone else on the planet.

But your stomach doesn’t ignite in delight like it normally would, because when Taehyung’s eyes find yours, the look is empty—unfeeling and void of all the emotions you’ve seen it hold for you before. He doesn’t acknowledge your presence in the slightest, and instead, gets in line a few customers behind you and Yeonwoo.

You eyes want to follow his retreating figure but you whip your gaze back towards the menu, trying to calm the hammering in your chest as Yeonwoo steps up to the counter—completely oblivious to the situation at hand unfolding just a few inches behind her. You feel like you’re vibrating, unable to control the unrelenting tremors of your fingers as you search around your wallet for your debit card.

“I’ll just take a coffee, black,” you say quickly when it’s your turn, slapping your debit card on the counter and sinking your teeth into your lip to stop it from trembling. The barista takes their time, swiping your card and whipping around what looks like an iPad on a stand for you to tip and sign.

Yeonwoo is already seated at a table near the front of the shop, and you walk over slowly with your mug, avoiding looking up until you are settled in front of her. She nods disapprovingly at your choice.

“I thought you were going to get something,” she says—emphasizing that something meant a drink along the lines of the sugary, whipped concoction she was clutching in her own hands. “But maybe their classic roast is good?”

“I don’t think my stomach can handle that right now,” you confess, giving her a small smile.

Yeonwoo hums, eyes tracing your figure with curiosity. “You look so thin these days. Are you dieting?”

“What? No.” you answer, half-listening. “I like eating.”

You break, and glance back quickly over your shoulder at the line to the cash register. Taehyung is at the counter now, giving his order to the cashier in a calm tone. The murmurs of his honey voice float over to where you and Yeonwoo are sitting, weighing heavy on your heart. When you turn back around, she is looking past you at the line as well, and your heart beat stutters when her eyes light up in recognition.

“Isn’t that Taehyung?” she says, sitting up a little in her seat. “Hey, Tae—”

“Yeonwoo, uh, maybe we shouldn’t—he’s like—” you stutter out but it’s too late.

“Taehyung!” she calls again. He turns around with his drink in hand, raising his eyebrows at Yeonwoo as if he didn’t see her—or you—at all when he first came in. “Come here!”

You grip the sides of your steaming cup, focusing in on the feeling of hot ceramic burning your palms as you hear Taehyung’s soft footfalls come closer. He stops at the edge of your table, and you peek a glance at his navy slacks as you slowly bring your cup up to your mouth, stalling for the inevitable moment you know is coming very, very soon.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Yeonwoo says, smiling at him. “Isn’t this place awesome?”

He nods. “I’m just meeting a friend here.”

“Oh, cool,” Yeonwoo says, and you meet her eyes over the table. She raises an eyebrow at you but continues. “What’d you get to drink?”

Could she tell how uncomfortable you were? Was it suddenly louder in the cafe? Hotter? Could she see the literal static buzzing between your ears from being in the same room, much less, the same personal space as Taehyung for the first time in over two months?

“I got a Black and Tan,” Taehyung says.

He laughs a little when Yeonwoo makes a face. The sound makes you feel breathless.

“What? Is that not good?” he asks. “That’s what I’ve been getting since they opened! The barista recommended.”

Yeonwoo shakes her head in disappointment. “You and Y/N are so similar,” she says. “She just got black coffee.”

“Oh yeah?” Taehyung says.

You can feel it coming before it happens. You stiffen in your seat, muscles contracting as if bracing yourself for the hit that is Taehyung’s gaze finally falling on you. The first words that he’s spoken to you in two months come out slowly, as if you can see every movement of his lips and tongue in slow motion as he says:

“You’re not much of a coffee drinker.” His face stays passive, unemotional. “I’m surprised you’re here.”

You press your lips together, giving the smallest shrug you can muster at his comment. It’s true, of course; what you had in front of you was absolutely disgusting, but it’s contents void of any real flavor was soothing and easy to swallow—especially now to your particularly parched throat. The comment feels just the slightest bit sinister, as if Taehyung was annoyed by your presence at a place you weren’t normally a fan of. As if you were intruding on his own personal time away from you.

Your quickly eyes drop from his, embarrassed.

Luckily, Yeonwoo reels his sharpened gaze back to her. “Who are you meeting?” she asks. “Would you guys want to sit with us for a bit?”

The thought of being there any longer was starting to become unbearable to you, so you pipe up quickly, “Well, we were just heading out, right? Didn’t you want to go shopping, for the party?”

Yeonwoo’s brow crinkles at the urgency in your tone, but there’s little you can do to hide it. You hope for once she understands and asks questions later—when you were both away from Taehyung.

“Party?” Taehyung asks, taking a cautious sip of the hot drink in his hands.

“Yeah, next Saturday at my house,” Yeonwoo chirps, grinning. It falls quickly and she looks back and forth between you and Taehyung. “Y/N didn’t tell you?”

“I’ve been busy,” Taehyung covers—cool and collected as always. “I must’ve forgotten, sorry. I’ll be there, though.”

“Great!”

Yeonwoo pulls her purse strap up on her shoulder, using her other hand to grab onto her drink as she stands up from the table. You do the same in a more hurried fashion, keeping your eyes down. You feel like a kicked puppy, but you can’t quite put your finger on why. You want to be angry, more confident, more assertive in the situation that was unfolding between you and Taehyung. Instead, seeing him made you feel worse. It reminded you that this whole thing was happening because of you—because you were greedy and selfish and completely deserving of his steely stare and the feeling of tucking your tail between your legs and running like a coward away from it.

Just as you are saying your goodbyes—or, rather, Yeonwoo is saying them for the both of you—the doorbell to Cafe Du Monde chimes again, alerting the entrance of another customer. As you are shuffling past the newcomer toward the exit, you hear Taehyung call out in his honeyed baritone, “Yeseul! I got us a seat over here.”

Yeseul. Han Yeseul.

Your head whips around over your shoulder and you see her petite frame walking towards Taehyung. It’s not her presence that bothers you the most, because it’s Taehyung’s face that you have the clear view of. His countenance has changed—he is smiling broadly as she bends down to land a small kiss on his cheek before sliding into the booth across from him, sunbeams practically radiating between the spaces of his teeth as he looks at her.

You press your trembling lips together, letting go of the cafe door and letting it slam with a bang! behind you on accident. But you can’t be bothered with the embarrassment that comes with it—there’s already too much weighing on your heart from your previous conversation, mixed with grief, shame, unsettledness, and just the tiniest dash of jealousy.

In reality, it’s more jealousy than you would ever be willing to admit.

Your body feels unable to carry the weight of your withheld feelings anymore, and so, when you slide into the passenger seat of Yeonwoo’s town car, the first tear rolls down your nose and drips off onto the lid of the coffee cup in your hand.

“Was it just me, or was Tae acting kind of weird?” Yeonwoo asks, pulling her mirror down to check her hair and reapply her lip gloss.

Another tear follows, creating a bigger puddle on the plastic. Followed by another. And another.

“Is anyone really too busy to remember the date of something?” she asks, frowning at her own reflection. “Well, I mean, I guess you were today. But that’s an exception—” She giggles a little and finally looks over at you. “At least he corrected himself, rig—oh my god, Y/N. What’s wrong?”

You shake your head, sniffling and wiping away the tears harshly. You don’t speak for the sake of keeping your lips pressed tightly together, hiding the sob that’s forcing its way up your throat.

“Don’t lie to me,” Yeonwoo presses, reaching out to put a hand on your back. “Something has you like this. Talk to me.”

“I—” you pause, feeling the tears flow down your cheeks as you search for what to say.

It didn’t make sense why this was bothering you so much. It wasn’t just meeting Taehyung in the cafe, it was the feelings you’d been battling with for two the months. The loneliness and bitterness and emptiness you felt without him. And you certainly couldn’t relay that information to Yeonwoo—not yet, anyways.

“Tae and I—we’re—” You pause to sniffle again and Yeonwoo’s eyes widen.

“I knew it!” she says. “You two were being too weird back there. I knew something was going on!”

“What?” you say, lifting your head up and looking her fully in the face.

Suddenly your friend seems to have stumbled across a discovery that had been brewing underneath the surface of her thoughts for a while, the way her eyes search yours both pensive and knowing at the same time.

“No,” you say, “We’re just—we had a fight. A bad one.” You wipe at your eyes with a tissue that Yeonwoo finally hands you from her purse, and she nods cautiously, encouraging you to go on. “It’s all my fault and because, you know how I am—I don’t know how to make it better, Yeonwoo.”

“Oh,” Yeonwoo exhales. The sound is both one of relief and of pity. “Oh, Y/N. It’s Taehyung. You guys have been friends for so long, don’t you think he just needs a little time to get over it?”

You blow your nose into the tissue, shaking your head. The tears are constant now, all your feelings rushing over the brim of your eyelids in the form of fat, hot droplets that drip off your chin and onto your shirt and jeans. The way Yeonwoo is gauging your reactions to her questions makes you fidget in your seat—did she somehow know? That was impossible, right?

“What did you guys fight about?”

“Yeseul,” you answer honestly.

“Yeseul? Who is that?” Yeonwoo asks, before her mouth drops open, “Her? The girl that just walked in the cafe to sit with him?”

You nod. “He’s kind of busying himself with her lately—which I understand, I left Taehyung to spend time with Hongbin before, too—but, I don’t know. I just—”

“Miss him?” Yeonwoo finishes. “Aw, Y/N.” She reaches across the middle console in her car, pulling you in for the awkwardest of hugs she can manage with both of your seatbelts on. “Don’t worry, okay? It’s going to get better. Taehyung just needs some time, but maybe you should try to talk to him. I’m sure he doesn’t know it’s bothering you like this.”

The understatement of the year, you think. But you accept her hug, pressing your face into the soft material of her top and hoping you don’t pull away to see the black streak of your smudged mascara.

“Do you want me to uninvite him from the party?” she asks when she pulls away, keeping you at arm's length. Her brows furrow over her innocent eyes, making her look comically mad in a way that makes you want to smile. “I can go back in there right now. I’ll tell him to keep his ass away from my house—”

“No,” you say quickly, shaking your head. “No, Yeonwoo, really. It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” she says. “I know you love him and all, but I can go take back my invitation if it means saving you some awkwardness next weekend.”

You try not to let her choice of words bother you. She studies you for a minute—taking in the redness of your face and nose, the glassiness of eyes fresh from crying, the way your lips still tremble a little when you’re not talking, the tightness of the grip you have on the crumpled tissue in your left hand.

“I’m good,” you say. “Really. I promise.”

Yeonwoo continues to look at you and for a second, it scares the shit out of you—as if she’s seeing right through your facade and down to the real problem: you didn’t just love Taehyung; You were in love with Taehyung and had no fucking clue what to do about it.

Yeonwoo’s mouth opens and closes, and you’re so sure she’s about to call you out that your heartbeat triples in your chest, hammering a steading rhythm that you hear in your ears, almost drowning out what she does finally say.

“Fine.” She presses her lips together. “I won’t go yell at him today. But he’s a real jerk if he can’t tell that his attitude isn’t making this any better.”

You sigh in relief, settling back into your seat as Yeonwoo puts the car in reverse and backs out of her parking spot.

It was starting to look like you didn’t give anyone enough credit for perceptiveness—the faint adrenaline rush receding from your veins was evidence enough that you needed to be more careful when showing your emotions, and not just when Taehyung was around. The realization has you second guessing every interaction you and Taehyung have ever had in front of your friends, expecting them to brush it off as two people who were extremely close from years of friendship.

You give Cafe Du Monde one final glance before you pull away, delivering the TKO punch to your gut for the day. At a seat by the window, you see through the clear glass window where Taehyung and Yeseul sit—laughing, happy, oblivious, and full of life and love as they chat with each other.

#taehyung x reader #bts x reader #taehyung angst #bts scenarios #bts angst #kim taehyung angst #kim taehyung #bts taehyung #honeyedhoseok #the v2 series #stitch #i said sunday #it's currently sunday at 12:24 am #is that okay?#:)

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aleksandrakv · 6 years

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Social media in Adam Lambert’s life&career

It’s been so long since I’ve written anything longer than a tweet about Adam, but this stanning lethargy doesn’t reflect the level of my interest in the man. It may appear so, but can the lack of online presence automatically imply the lack of interest? In today’s state of affairs, when artists have carefully constructed and heavily monitored internet presence, when YouTube views are everything and the most powerful politicians seem to pay more attention to Twitter than their jobs, it would be understandable if it could. The www. has finally become literally that – a worldwide group chat, where presidents tweet, where actors, musicians and sportsmen keep vlogs on YouTube, writers publish their essays on Facebook, and everybody comments.

Adam Lambert has chosen not to do so. In an era when YouTube stars become singers who get Saturday Night Live slots where they whisper the lyrics into a microphone, and when the top trending video which garnered more than 30 million views in a day is one of a reality star announcing her pregnancy, Adam has taken a quiet step back in the past few years - and I together with him. I couldn’t help it. Twitter has lost its appeal to me ever since a constant possibility that Adam could see a particularly flaily or witty tweet was no longer an option – the magic of giddy anticipation was gone. For all intents and purposes, Adam has semi-abandoned Twitter and moved to Instagram; a Facebook affiliated app which I never took a liking to.

I was upset and a little resentful. I didn’t understand why. Not only did I have to suffer the cruel Atlantic Ocean between us, but now we were on different online apps, which is a fate way worse than living on different continents, according to cyber sense of geography. In my bitterness, I even had an occasional mean thought on the subject. Oh yeah, that’s because he can ogle hot guys there. What about MEEE? Or, even worse: it’s because of the filters. The man LOVES a good filter, the vain queen. Or, absolutely the worst: he wanted to escape the twitter crazies. It was the worst because I should have known that the crazies are everywhere. I was bitchy, mean, and so, so wrong. This essay is my redemption. The price I want to pay for my stupidity, because Adam does have a social media presence, albeit not as aggressive as I might like. There is a reason for that, which he has already given. I had read it before, but it flew right over me like a sparrow, equally tender and fragile, leaving my head unruffled and thoughtless as if nothing had happened.

Even on his preferred social network, Adam’s behavior is somewhat atypical, in a sense that he doesn’t hesitate to share less than perfect photos. Unfiltered, sweaty, in-your-face, flaking makeup photos of the realistic kind - a rare occurrence among the Hollywood hotties. But he is a geek like the rest of us. The anticipation of waiting for the first photos to appear when he has a concert is one of the best parts of being his fan. Adam is incredibly photogenic, but sometimes, those photos are low quality ones, taken by fans on their phones, from pretty unflattering angles. Adam somehow manages to look great in most of them, despite the low angles and the fact that great physical exertion makes everyone look awful. Being photographed in the middle of an adrenaline rush while singing from the top of your lungs for two hours is challenging. His facial features almost rearrange with strain, but Adam simply knows how to pose and is rarely caught off guard – a life’s tiny miracle. I love those candid pictures. And Adam posts only the best of them.

It’s the professional photos where he shines the most. Those are usually true works of art, crispy sharp and simply stunning in their quality. I don’t think I’ve ever seen less than perfect professional photo of Adam. They capture the moments that would otherwise be missed and allow you to fully appreciate the visual side the concert. In videos, the focus is primarily on the sound and the movement, but if I had to choose which medium reflects Adam’s emotional state and journey during concerts best, I would choose photography. It’s a strange thing to say about a singer, but Adam has a very expressive face and body. It’s like their muteness and stillness don’t subtract, but add to the experience of Adam’s process of creation.

In addition to music photography, Adam posts everything and anything that’s important to him, seemingly with no rhyme or reason. His Instagram page is a mess, a potpourri of professional photos, fan photos, album covers, photos of his family, friends, his dog, travelling photos, fashion photos, and all that in uneven levels of quality which most posters would never allow themselves. Adam has it all, from professional HD quality to grainy and blurry shots taken by a phone. It’s a far cry from carefully coordinated, handpicked and posted after a thousandth try stylish representation of other serious posters. He doesn’t juice for a week before taking selfies. He doesn’t always filter. He doesn’t always look pretty. He isn’t always all mysterious and artistic. He’s sometimes such a goofball. He is definitely an undisciplined Instagram user.

It’s a revealing fact. He deletes his posts sometimes, and I’m not sure if it’s the morning after self-filtering, or he gets the call. Social media can make or break a career nowadays. But on the other hand, you can be a successful artist without constant media presence – although it is a pretty rare occurrence. The only example coming to my mind is Frank Ocean. There are artists who have a modest number of followers and YouTube views, and yet they can and do fill up arenas, just as there are artists who have millions of followers and cannot have a decent tour.

In Adam’s case, I feel like he is past making or breaking his career online. At this point, he doesn’t need a heavily moderated Instagram page or a vlogging channel to achieve anything - other than making me happier, that is. The fact that I would love if Adam was more present, by engaging with his fans more, or, in best case scenario, vlogging about his life and career (I would sell my firstborn for that), doesn’t mean much in grander scheme of things. Adam has allowed himself the luxury of doing what he wants, and his Instagram page reflects that in the clearest of ways. I am not saying he wouldn’t benefit from having 50 million followers on Twitter or Instagram, but, he just doesn’t have that. If he can’t get it from doing his job and being who he is, he will never get it anyway. He refuses to participate in the social media race. So, unlike many a budding YouTube star trying to make it in other fields by creating an ideal, unrealistic impression of themselves, with their uniform, heavily filtered, grayscale artsy photos, Adam’s multifarious posts do reveal a lot simply by not being what one would expect. He’s a rebel just for kicks there.

Oh, there is some vanity there; he isn’t above it nor does he pretend to be. He smizes and pouts in many filtered photos and videos, enjoying his flawless skin provided by Instagram CEO Kevin Systrom’s filtering system, turning his head like this and like that like a Valley girl – but that’s just Adam playing with his toy. He has this proclivity for ridiculous behavior; that and the fact that he loves the ageless chibi art of Creative Sharka makes me sometimes think that he has entered a serious fear-of-getting-old phase. It would have been true if he posted such photos only, which he most definitely doesn’t.

Adam is a naturally beautiful man, why does he have to goof around like that? Well, because he is so much more than that. Because more than stunning good looks, he has a killer sense of humor. Because more than looking pretty and feeding his vanity, he loves having fun. He mocks himself, too. “I swear I didn't realize I was making full duck face” is his own comment on a truly astounding full duck face he made while trying to credit Valentino for a clothing item. He loves stand-up comedy. He’s watched the Amy Schumer Leather special, and the Ricky Gervais Humanity special, and posted about both shows. That’s how I know.

There’s a selfie which he took while Antinous was being tattooed on his torso – a particularly painful experience, according to him; hence the awkward facial expression. The photo is so ridiculous and unflattering that it immediately reminded me of the comical selfies which Ricky Gervais takes all the time, trying to look as ugly as possible in them, thus expressing his mockery on the worldwide mania of posting unrealistically perfect photos. Adam has a comedic streak a mile wide, and not only does it come out in concerts and movie roles such as his part of Eddie in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but also in his Instagram page as well. Unlike Ricky, Adam just wants to laugh at himself. Yes, he sometimes looks ridiculous and weird - don’t we all? He’s no bullshitter, and never will be.

Now would be a great moment to mention his Grandma June alter ego. So, Adam has decided it would be great to make himself look forty years older, name the character Grandma June and rant throughout several videos on many a current topic. Who? What? Adam, the most eligible gay bachelor of several times? Adam, the Zeus in a thong sex symbol for many? Unbelievable. Waves of discomfort could be felt throughout the shallower waters of the fandom. Was he just having fun with it? Was he mocking himself for overusing de-aging filters? Was he helping himself get over his own fear of aging by laughing at his own expense? Was it some kind of reverse psychology/psychotherapy via Snapchat filters? Was it to shock his fans who come to his page for hotness and beauty galore, only to find Grandma June blinking owlishly at them? The list is endless. It’s like he was saying, ‘yeah, I’m hot, but I’m also ridiculous, funny and a little bit on the crazy side.’ Who knows. It’s certainly less ridiculous than me putting words in his mouth. It is also very non-Hollywood of Adam, where ageism is rampant and the anti-aging industry flourishes, where kids start injecting botox as soon as they’re twenty and where a lot of people take faces they’re born with as a slight suggestion. Interesting topic.

We’re now traipsing deeper and deeper into Adam’s more hidden depths. This makes it sound like scrolling through his Instagram page is a voyage into the heart of darkness, the Apocalypse Now style; but it does feel adventurous after you parse through the regular job-related stuff. Such aside interests tell us a lot about him and his fascinations, like his love and respect for other artists. He is a true fan at heart, expressing himself unabashedly and passionately – so many pictures of Freddie, Bowie and George Michael, but also Goldfrapp, Demi, Lady Gaga, and all his musician friends. Sometimes, he puts the flailers in his own fandom to shame. I like that about him. I feel like it’s a level we can relate on. And I love that he doesn’t have cheap, tit-for-tat, I’ll-do-you-and-you-do-me mentality. When he says that he likes something, you better fucking believe that he does.

He also loves nature. He posts sceneries – the beloved Runyon Canyon, the Ibiza cruise, Mexico, Bali, Mykonos in Greece, Argentina, you name it - but, he will also post a photo of a single olive tree. The fandom speculated for three days about what it could possibly mean. He posted a video of a single butterfly flapping its wings, and a colony of bats, and a lonely gecko crawling up the wall and a mother duck and her ducklings swimming in the lake. Endless photos of Pharaoh don’t even count. Details from around him capture his attention in a way that he expresses his emotive, intuitive side by showing us the impact they have on him. In his private moments, he is a far cry from a wild rocker living his wild rock’n’roll life. He’s so much more than that. He’s a tree watcher. A butterfly watcher. A bird watcher. Life and observing life clearly excites him.

He also loves architecture. He will post pictures of streets and buildings, sculptures and monuments, from everywhere he goes, and he travels a lot. Someone else would probably spend all pre- and post-concert time in hibernation accumulating energy, but not Adam. He loves the bas-reliefs, ancient facades, the Greco-Roman culture, supporting columns and carvings of Venetian houses; but every now and then he will also post some strange things, like tombstones. He’s a traveler with a twist. When he goes somewhere new, he sometimes visits cemeteries. He’s been to Boston Cemetery and Buenos Aires Cemetery. He posted a photo of the entrance to Jesus’ tomb from his visit to Jerusalem. No matter what B Hollywood horror movies are trying to tell us, cemeteries are never about being creepy or frightful -- they are like a library for the imagination. Wandering cemeteries around the globe, reading headstones, thinking about the lives of the people there, the mind wanders into a thousand stories. It can be therapeutic. But, who knows what Adam’s motives were. All I know is that he is more than just a traveler – he is also a spiritual explorer.

In everything he does, he rarely stays within the lines. This diversity tells us that Adam is a complex man before he is an artist, and even less than he is an artist, that he is a promoting artist. His self-promoting campaigns are there, but ever so subtle and discrete - nothing like the aggressive campaigning that has become obligatory nowadays. I’m not talking about the management or the label part in it, or whoever is in charge of his promotion; just Adam’s own role in it. A few tweets, a few Instagram posts, mostly just informative in nature, before a new release. Regarding concerts, a tweet before and after is a rarity. An occasional review. He will sometimes post great photos after concerts, though. I have no idea how to explain such behavior other than to say that he doesn’t want to do it, nor does he feel like he has to. Maybe he is of the ‘an artist should never reveal too much and keep a level of mystery’ persuasion. Maybe he believes the music will find its way to those who want to hear it. Or maybe he just finds it tacky, as I do, the ad nauseam self-promoting of certain artists. Who knows. I certainly wouldn’t find it tacky if Adam did it. We’ll see how Era 4 will roll out and if Adam will be more talkative then. The one explanation I personally find the most believable is that he is a well-mannered man who believes that you should let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips; but that’s because I tend to attribute Adam superhuman qualities. He can’t be that much of a gentleman, can he?

He is not very verbose in his Instagram captions either; most of them, that is. His posts are usually with very little or no comment from him. He tags the people in the photo, or he gives credit to the photographer – he is pretty diligent about it. On few unfortunate occasions when that didn’t happen, we had a mutiny among the photographers which ended with bruised egos on both sides.

So sparse are his comments, that when you do bump onto a few loquacious ones, you just know that it must be something of utter importance or that he feels strongly about. You don’t have to guess anything then, or draw unfortunate conclusions, which is a game his fans like to play and that Adam likes to engage us in by dropping random hints. No game here – his words are loud and crystal clear, concise and to the point, and apart from bringing my attention to the relevance of such particular posts, they serve to remind me what a great thinker and an amazing human being Adam is. Those words are always about love and equality.

One of such glimpses into his more private, passionate side is certainly his love and appreciation for Creative Sharka, a fan who makes digital paintings and chibi art of Adam and the moments in his career. He has posted her art several times and even met with her during his tour - such gratitude and appreciation of a fan really warms my heart. It tells me what I already knew: that he is such a fan himself, a great lover of everything that inspires him and open in his heart for the reciprocal love exchange between artists as the highest form of flattery. He’s had such situation in his career several times, on various levels, but this one with a fan feels truly rewarding.

Creative Sharka gives him her art, but it doesn’t have to be a tangible thing. One of the most revealing and emotional comments he wrote under a photo from one of his performances reveals so much. It is a photo whose focal point are the backs of two people, two guys, who are leaning against one another in a hug, their heads connected, and they are facing Adam singing on the stage in the background. They are in the forefront, their body language speaking of love; Adam is in the background, perhaps inspiring such connection. His comment says, “Really in luv w this photo. So sweet.” I’ve never read Adam saying that about any picture, and it’s one of the amateur, fan ones, too – and all the more precious for that.

But, does he always feel the love? Do we? Most of the times, I am sure that he does. But I have always imagined Adam as a highly emotional guy, which also means a great capacity for sadness, too, especially with so many reasons for it surrounding us. There is one, literally one sad comment that I have encountered during all these years. It’s under a photo of Frank the Robot’s head, taken before the show, with the top half of it waiting patiently to be connected with its bottom half by diligent Queen crew, so that Adam can ride it and spew obscenities into the audience from its shiny, metallic head. “Sad Clown,” is Adam’s caption. I don’t know if he felt bad for Frank at that moment, or the words are about Killer Queen, but there is a possibility that the words are about Frank’s rider later on. Sometimes, he does have to hide his sadness and paint his smile on. Who doesn’t.

He truly belongs to one of the rarest of species – a beautiful man who becomes even more beautiful when he opens his mouth and speaks. Or sings. In the pre-Trump, pre-Brexit, pre-Vučić era, I used to take his words for granted. I believed everybody thought so, or almost everybody. I was spectacularly wrong. The bout of sadness that gripped me then is still not easing up. How can it? This Weltschmerz has affected everyone with a soul - Adam, too. Will our physical reality ever satisfy the demands of our minds and souls ever again? I believe so, as long as there are people like Adam, like Emma Gonzalez, like many others who are fighting for it. That is what hope sounds like. With rising urgency, Adam speaks up.

“Black lives matter. For all of u who totally miss the point of this movement, the GOAL is for all lives to matter equally. But as it stands, racism is preventing us from that ideal. We must fix the reality so we can grow toward hope.”

We must fix the reality… We really do, Adam. Faced with such thoughts, don’t all previous words about promotion and lack of internet presence sound frivolous? I am glad that this is how Adam feels. I am so proud of him for sharing his thoughts.

When he posted a photo of Freddie, pointing out the hypocrisy of the ruling US political party using Freddie Mercury’s music, some people seemed to have an issue with that. This was Adam’s reply:

“I realize that there are many different schools of thought frequented by people following me on social media. EVERYONE is entitled to their opinions and beliefs. Including me. This is MY Instagram page where I share my experiences and feelings. If you don't agree with something, that's perfectly ok with me - but I'm not going to refrain from being me, and no one is forcing you to either.”

And refrained he has not.

He’s spoken against the gun violence.

He’s spoken about Orlando. About Paris. About all mass shootings.

He’s also spoken at the Los Angeles Pride Resist March last year. Here are some of his words:

“I typically avoid publicly speaking about politics because of its divisiveness. People get real sensitive, and I ain’t trying to piss anybody off. But, this year things have gone way too far.

So I’m not speaking today about being a democrat vs. a republican. Today is about right vs. wrong. The current presidential administration has manipulated the country using fear and hate to gain power to divide us. Our differences are being used against us. And the shockwaves of this dangerous rhetoric have rippled throughout our community and beyond. And it fucking hurts. We’ve come way too far to stand by and watch our social progress be yanked backwards. It’s almost as if they’re going, ‘Eh, you’re different. You can’t sit with us.’ What the fuck is that? It’s childish and it needs to end now.

Our pride parade is usually an all out shit show of a party where we all dress up like crazy unicorns and prance around through the streets. Yeah! It’s a celebration of the progress we have made – our liberation, our freedom, our glitter. But this year, we are facing such dark forces that pride has taken on a deeper purpose. Protest. So today, we stand together in order to support anyone whose human rights are at risk. We resist homophobia. We resist transphobia. We resist misogyny. Bi-invisibility. We resist racism. Xenophobia. And we resist extremism, and anything else that helps promote hate. We stand defiant and will not be brainwashed. We refuse to be sucked into that kind of negativity.

But, I ask you not to fight hate with hate. We don’t want to be hypocrites. So how can we resist? I’ll tell you what I think: with unity, with visibility, truth, inclusion, acceptance, and most importantly – love.”

Don’t his words boom loud? Read them and abide by them. Don’t scroll through or ignore them.

Shame on those who think that Adam should only do his job and stop voicing his opinions and views.

Shame on those who, blinded by his beauty, refer to him as a Ken doll.

Shame on those who say that he is back in the closet.

In his Love Letter to the LGBTQ community, which was published in Billboard magazine last year, he talks more about what his community means to him:

“Y'all are my true inspiration. You're life lines that have kept me grounded and thankful. All the LGBTQ musicians, dancers, drag queens, bar stars, club kids, DJ's, designers, actors, stylists, glam squads..... YOU are my circus family. It is because of all those years traipsing round our nocturnal playgrounds that I had any sense of how and why I wanted to stay the course; to rep for my queer family!

And now 8 years later, the LGBTQ community has come SO far. I see fellow artists AND civilians coming out with no apologies and no fucks given. Despite the current obstacles we face, I am blown away by our progress. We have come so far. My true fans share the same principles so we continue to welcome other alien weirdos into our family. Thank you ALL for inspiring and supporting my journey. I promise to keep doing the same for all of you.”

Should he speak more frequently? Adam has voiced his opinions time and again, but he won’t misuse the opportunity given to him. He has a sophisticated sense for not crossing the line between his art and his humanitarian fight. He never pushes anything under anyone’s nose; not his art; not his fight. He never uses just causes as a self-promoting opportunity.

This is all part of the reply to the question from the beginning about what the lack of social presence can mean. His social presence isn’t lacking, it is just of the unobtrusive kind. It’s all out there, only a few clicks away. Are we so used to the constant media shoveling content down our metaphorical throats that we can’t even register when something’s said only once?

Apparently, I am. Because I have already read Adam Lambert’s own explanation about deciding to moderate his social media presence and it hasn’t even made a blip on my radar at the time. I won’t tell you where his words are from, you can try to guess. It’s a direct quote. It says everything.

How pathetic now seems the discussion about flattering vs. less flattering photos? Don’t ask this man about the size of his gauges for a hundredth time and expect him to engage with his fans more. But Adam does, he does engage, for he isn’t a mean man and he answers the same trivial questions again and again. It’s perhaps a much better option than talking, I don’t know, about Weltschmerz. Sometimes, such discussions are better avoided, and not only that - he has already said what he wanted to say. It’s much more bearable to repeat the silly topics than the raw, emotional ones. The repetition hurts, and devalues the latter.

It really is a journey, from Grandma June, to cultivating self-love and True Individuality; only not to the heart of darkness, but to the one of lightness. It’s all him, the philosopher and the comedian, the Frank’s head rider and the march speaker. Read his words. Don’t forget them, like I did. Laugh with him, but also think with him and be sad with him.

“True Individuality seems daunting in our age of social media popularity contests. Sometimes it’s terrifying to face your true, whole self, stripped of any pretense. The good, the bad, the cracks, and the scars. I am no stranger to the feeling of not liking myself. Once I get past my own body image issues, I realize that I sometimes also neglect my own spirit. Living in a world filled with so much hatred sometimes makes cultivating self-love a very difficult task. I have always struggled with this as I’m sure many of you have. My path is a kind of paradox in that I get to share my craft with the world, but also be willing to throw myself to the wolves. To dare to be different, but still wanting to be accepted. There is vast beauty to be found in life’s contradictions. This non-binary reality allows us to lead happy, expressive lives, and yet this very freedom comes with great risks. I’m not alone in this limbo. Through my art, I pledge to bring empathy and courage to anyone who has been made to feel unworthy or ashamed while daring to be themselves.”

***

~The sources for everything mentioned in the essay are Adam Lambert’s social media pages. I’ve decided against posting any links because I feel like this one reference is enough.

~No photos either, since I mention too many of them and this bloody thing is too long already. Just this one.

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