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#i literally dunno why when it comes to those things i just cant picture it in my head
040721 · 26 days ago
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so a fun fact about me is that my brain literally cannot process i literally cant imagine in my head real people or very realistic styles when using them as references its not jsut i cant do realism i literally cant visualize it at alll so pose references from real life are a big no and also you can imagine in how much pain i must be when i try to draw jb or lis fanart ...
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pineapplesandbananas · 3 months ago
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My thought process watching Endgame (spoilers btw):
(This is very long, I wrote this as I watched, knew Tony and Nat would die but I didn't know when. It's a chaotic mess of me screaming and sobbing the whole movie. Please enjoy.)
-So I started crying two minutes in.
-THE BARTONS 😭.
-TONYYYYYY.
-Carol you little shit.
-NaTaShA rOmAnOfF sToP bReAkInG mY hEaRt.
-Nat's hair is awesome.
-Scottttttt.
-OH MY GOD IT'S A MINI TONY OH MY GOD MORGAN IS SO ADORABLE.
-nats broken.
-BRUCE PLEASE OH MY GOD I DUNNO WHAT TO THINK BUT IT'S BORDERING ON YOU'RE A NATIONAL ICON.
-MORGAN MY DEAR DONT SWEAR.
-Tony please don't make me cry with your great parenting.
-I LOVE YOU 3000 PLEASE I CANT DO THIS. NATASHA AND BRUCE PLEASE THEY'RE AWESOME.
-SCOTT-
-"oh thank god." *clutches pearls*
-"TIME TRAVEL"
-HELLO TONY
-GREAT JOB TONY JUST JINXED YOURSELF
-nebula.
-BRUCE IS THE MOST PURE MAN
-WHAT IS THIS???
-BRUCE???
-heeeeya Valkyrie
-OH WOW THOR'S A WHOLE ASS DISASTER
-OH MY GOD NOT THE FORTNITE
-"yes, I'm fine, why?" *is a literal mess*
-"wuzzit natahjhaaa"
-CLINT OH MY GOD
-I'm gonna say it now and it'll be said again later, Clint should've died.
-NATASHA PLEASE STOP CRYING
-thor's a damn disaster
-THE SUITS OH MY GOD
-Clint's such a mess
-Thor and Clint need psychiatric help. They all do. But those two especially.
-Nat needs therapy, she's so beyond deoressed.
-oh Thor...
-Nat taking notes 😅✋🏼
-THE WALK
-I LOVE IT
-"see ya in a minute" NATASHA NO
-BRUCE IS TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD
-HULK-BRUCE OWNS MY HEART
-MISS GIRL THE FUCK YOU JUST DID???
-JANEEEEE???
-"the chick with the antenna."
-HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THOR'S EYES ARE DIFFERENT COLOURS
-Clint should've died.
-WHAT HAPPENED IN BUDAPEST???
-gamoraaaa
-ugh thanos.
-"Mr Rogers I forgot about that suit it did NOTHING for your ass." TONY PLEASE-
-hulk vs stairs is my aesthetic.
-"medic medic. This guy needs some help."
-LOKI FOR FUCKS SAKES
-ugh they didn't factor in so many things... This will be a mess...
-JANE JANE JANE JANE JANE
-Frigga and Thor ohhhhhh
-"eat a salad"
-DANCE BREAK WITH QUILL
-NEBULA WHAT IS HAPPENING
-FUCKING HELL
-fuck fuck fuck
-I wonder if we'll see Peggy...
-OOP
-BAHAHA HOWARD AND TONY
-HOWARD POTTS PLEASE
-We should go pay a visit to S.H.I.E.L.D so we can go say hi to Peggy- OH IT'S PEGGY HI PEGGY
-PEGGY OH MY GOD I LOVE HER SHE HAS A PICTURE OF STEVE ON HER DESK AND SHE'S OLDER NOW OH
-oh tony and howard.
-heads up I'm crying again.
-JARVIS
-JARVIS JARVIS JARVIS JARVIS JARVIS OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU YOU'RE SO OLD OH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AH PLEASE MY HEAR CANT DEAL WITH THIS
-welp. Nebula.
-UGH NO THIS IS WHERE NAT'S GONNA DIE
-why does Clint use a katana now???
-"oh good."
-NAT'S GONNA DIE SOON
-CLINT YOU SHIT WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST JUMP YOU DIPSHIT LITTLE MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE???
-I CANT SEE THE SCREEN I'M CRYING TOO MUCH
-NATASHA
-NATASHA NO PLEASE NO IT'S NOT OKAY NATASHAAAAAAA
-I'm having a breakdown so it's time for a pause
-goddamnit natasha.
-I love you so much don't do this to me.
-no death has hit me harder ever in the history of my life.
-we lost nat.
-BRUCE 😭
-MY HEART IS IN SO MUCH PAIN.
-she's gone...
-nat 😭
-YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT SHOULD'VE BEEN YOU.
-bruce🥺
-we love you so much natasha. rest in peace sweet dear.
-FUCKING HELL EVIL NEBULA
-everybody comes home.
-not natasha though.
-Bruce. I swear to fucking god.
-FUCK
-BRUCE??
-DID IT WORK???
-ARE THEY HOME NOW?
-THEY'RE OKAY
-OH
-WHAT'S HAPPENING???
-WANDA BABY PLEASE COME AND SAVE THEM
-OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
-NOT AGAIN PLEASE NO
-STUPID MOTHER FUCKING THANOS
-gamora???
-WHERE'S MY BABY WANDA???
-OH SHIT
-why tf is thanos such a damn dick. Like, sir?
-*cue our perfect little baby wanda???*
-I really miss Nat...
-GODDAMNIT EVIL NEBULA
-FUCK YEAH GAMORA
-peace out evil nebula
-Wait- when the hell does Tony die? I've never seen pics of his death... I WON'T BE PREPARED
-STEVE???
-STEVE WITH THE HAMMER PLEASE
-NO STEVE'S SHIELD
-we really need wanda right about now...
-like, really
-OH HI GUYS I MISSED YOU SO MUCH
-HI PETER OH MY GOD I MISSED YOU BUD. TONY DID TOO
-YES.
-FUCK. YES.
-THE QUEEN HATH RETURNED
-WANDA! WANDA! WANDA! WANDA!
-OH HI PEPPER!
-AYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
-i miss nat...
-ASSEMBLE!
-FUCK. YES.
-OH MY GOD LOVE IT
-"you have the little one."
-TONY AND PETER
-"oh. This is nice."
-MY HEART FEELS HAPPY. THESE ARE SEMI HAPPY TEARS. OKAY??? SEMI HAPPY. I'M KINDA OKAY RN.
-GAMORA PLEASE-
-LA CUCARACHA???
-OH FUCK YEAH THIS IS SO COOL
-GO T'CHALLA
-NO T'CHALLA
-WANDA
-WANDA
-WANDAAAAA
-FUCK YOU THANOS
-"you will."
-WANDA REALLY SAID, "I give you, some bad bitch shit."
-not wanda single-handedly taking down thanos
-oh no, is little thanos scared??? /s
-PLEASE PETER
-oh pepperrrrr
-it stopped..?
-OH HI CAROL? I'M ASSUMING IT'S YOU?
-YEAH IT'S CAROL BEING A BAD BITCH.
-CAROL AND WANDA REALLY SAID," FUCK YOU I'M BETTER THAN ALL Y'ALL PUT TOGETHER!"
-The Girls™ (and Peter)
-UGH THE POWER THESE WOMEN HOLD
-nat would've really pulled it all together...
-"IM A BAD BITCH YOU CANT KILL ME" - The Girls™
-there's 35 minutes left and I just realized the pain isn't over yet.
-I'll finish just before midnight tho.
-CAROL
-FUCK
-OH HELL YEAH CAROL
-BAHAHA PLEASE
-shit shit shit
-OH NO TONY-
-BAHAHAHA
-NO TONY
-Tony's gonna die now...
-"nat, we won." "what'd it cost?" "everything."
-thanos is gone.
-OH TONY PLEASE.
-OH RHODEY
-PETER😭😭😭
-"we won mr stark."
-OH PEPPER I'M SO SORRY
-"hey pep."
-"we're gonna be okay. you can rest now."
-PEPPER
-NO TONY PLEASE TONY NO
-rest in peace tony. we love you.
-OH PEPPER I'M SO SORRY
-please i can't take this anymore.
-UGH I CANT DO THIS I CANT DO THIS I CANT I CANT I CANT
-MORGAN YOU POOR BABY YOUR DADDY LOVES YOU 3000 SWEET GIRL
-PROOF THAT TONY STARK HAS A HEART 😭
-this hurts too much.
-that's gay.
-OH NICK
-wow really Carol? A full damn pantsuit.
-wanda my poor sweet baby your mom loves you.
-"she knows. they both do"
-MORGAN WANTS CHEESEBURGERS PLEASE THIS HURTS
-HAPPY GIVE THAT LITTLE GIRL EVERY CHEESEBURGER IN THE UNIVERSE
-there's tears pouring down my face, snot dripping out of my nose. My heart has never in it's entire life been this broken before
-i have a headache from crying so much.
-"yes please please knives."
-"I am groot."
-we know bruce. we miss her too.
-that's also gay.
-he's not coming back, is he?
-no he's not.
-he's going back for peg.
-who da?
-IT'S OLD STEVE WHAT-?
-why does he look like biden?
-70 years of character development down the drain.
-OH THE RING-
-OH HE GOT TO MARRY PEGGY-
-I LOVE THIS SONG WITH EVEEY FIBER OF MY BEING OH PEGGY I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU
-OKAY SO LIKE-
-WOW.
-wow.
-I'm crying again because of this song and the dance with Peggy and Steve-
-my brain is overloading. I have a really big headache, very emotionally drained. Best movie. By far. The amount of pain I felt. I've never been this heartbroken before. 3000/10. why are end credits making me cry?
-NATASHA I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU
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delicrieux · 5 months ago
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☆ミ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”
PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN
y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.
─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 
author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!
ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.
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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 
Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.
Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 
But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.
Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”
You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.
But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 
Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.
That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 
You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 
Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.
Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.
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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”
Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.
“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”
While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.
r u dating sykkuno?
You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”
the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team
“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”
how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?
“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 
can i be adopted by ur parents plz
will you and corpse ever collab?!
You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.
Corpse_Husband: yes.
Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.
pack it up, sykkuno
More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 
“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”
we are prepared
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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.
y/n is a child murderer
“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”
take a break and go eat queen <3
“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”
Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 
“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 
The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 
“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”
Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”
“Your pizza came.”
“My what now?” You echo, confused.
“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”
“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”
Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.
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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”
If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 
looking hot, her message read. 
thanks, was all you replied with.
You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.
Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.
“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”
You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.
“Glad you liked it, baby.”
He was going to be the death of you.
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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707
more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙
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littleferal · 10 months ago
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rewatching triple frontier
my way too many thoughts on a rewatch of tf. oops...like 2k way too many thoughts
santi so offended about the suggestion he’s sleeping with the informant (i dunno if she get a name in the whole movie guys? but imbd says its yovanna). not grossed out offended but like...i feel like its on her behalf? he respects her, maybe has feelings but has learnt to not make shit too messy
frankie owes up about the coke rap the second he and santi are together, but not in front of everyone else?
also later when santi says it in front of the guys fish is like well dont look at me
also, not a single doubt of your friend’s capability but maybe a bit of support would be nice dude
greatly appreciate that frankie is the first to work out santi’s plan. the guys are asking questions, santi’s like i don’t want to tell the agency and you immediately get that look from frankie like ohhh we’re on that bullshit. and bless him is he tired
then frankie tries to call his plan out in spanish? ¿que estabas pensando? i’m guessing the other guys don’t speak spanish so im not sure if thats just cos spanish is the first language for them both or
also then when santi is explaining the last 3 years he’s looking at frankie. he’s explaining himself to frankie
frankie boy looks so goddamn tired
santi suggests calling in the agency and frankie is like yes. do that. please. because unfortunately he is ride and die and he’s too tired for that bullshit
benny being like i won that fight and santi immediately apologises? what was that? avoiding a fight with benny? or avoiding upsetting him because he’s the kid of the group?
oscar and pedro out here doing the most acting so far. extra props cos pedro has had like 4 lines but you already know what he’s thinking
in fact on that thought, half of those lines have been frankie calling both santi and tom out
will is just the chillest whichever way this shit goes. maybe from a lifetime of benny just charging headfirst at all and any problems
tom sure does love pointing out he’d pull rank if he could. he’s a little pissed he cant
tom says the only thing he has is taking care of his girls, then he misses the action and then we all know how it ends. i mean, none of us like him right?
only thing that made it feel better is when you put a gun in my hand i feel like thats the character there
santi watches him go and maybe thinks hmmm. this is maybe bad
(oscar looks so short next to ben...)
flag on our shoulders is bullshit. as if that ever made anything right
tom just takes over after that. he’s good at laying it out, everyone listens up, but man it doesn’t flow as well as when santi is talking. i feel like tom was always slightly separate from the group, leading from somewhere else instead of in the middle of his team
the mark twain comment from benny. bless him, i think it might be the only time we see he’s waay more than his bravado and chest hitting. also siblings yo
we love how benny respects yovanna. punctual smart and brave as shit
santi is totally second in command, and i feel like a much better first
that little moment where santi does the hand signal to stop and frankie releases his grip on the rifle for just a moment? and will drops his rifle a bit? they trust him so much
when fish shoots the guard in the leg i yelled. no way that was quieter than starting a fight dude
do we need to talk about tom screwing them all because in the end he’s the one that couldnt keep himself in control, after calling the shots on everyone else?
i mean really. take what you can carry and burn the rest you fucking idiot
like all of you need to cool your shit over this
benny calling your shit tom you totally have fucked it cos benny normally waits on someone else calling it
but when santi asks for a final sweep for lorea they all yield. at least his reason is a good one
even tom yields to santi, he should totally be no. 1
really there is such a run of tom and santi fighting for control and i dont think its just cos santi started this op and its really his, its cos the others have always taken a lead from santi, maybe even over tom, cos santi is more one of theirs
also the one time they should have taken santi’s lead they dont. santi calls for them to leg it out the back door with a bag of cash each, tom calls for them to clean house. yall should have gone with santi on that one.
he looks really upset about it as well. looks to frankie for support and frankie cant look at him cos he doesnt want this shit show either but the majority wins and you go with the flow in these situations
frankie is so tired and sad at having to shoot the guards in the kitchen
mm that shot of tom with shit burning in front of him cos duuuude this shitshow on you
benny is a good rowdy boy, fighting with tom over the mess they left
fuck u tom pushing fish. listen to your goddamn pilot ass
i like to think santi would have fought tom on it if he hadn’t been fighting to get yovanna and her brother a lift out of there
dude should have just given her more money
fuck tom on chasing yovanna over details and pushing the sex thing
i think this might be the moment tom realises he done fucked up but unfortunately he’s a stubborn ass and keeps pushing the rest of the movie
cos yovanna says santi thinks tom’s an honest man and would never cheat them and maybe not cheat them. but he’ll sure as hell put all his shit on them til it blows up in everyone’s faces
bless santi comforting yovanna you did everything right. you deserve this them looking out for each other. i could actually get behind them as a couple because santi has shown over and again he respects her and the trust is there
tom proves again he is an ass. he can’t believe his team believes in him so yovanna must be lying. even suggesting they kill her. santi is realising the shit show tom is causing.
also, will putting his headphones on to see what happens because he can sense the bull coming and sure as hell has santi’s back on it
the wink santi gives him in thanks, the small nod will gives in recognition cos he’s seeing it too
frankie just trying his best for the team and he finally snaps at tom. too late
benny and his crazy ass hanging out the bottom of a helicopter in mid flight, then JUMPING? good for you crazy sob
fish’s bad landing. you don’t say?
benny calling for fish not tom
tom sees a fight everywhere now doesnt he?
no one told fish he doesn’t have comms?! fish who follows leads?!
tom doesn’t just shoot first, he shoots people who aren’t making a move on him
will calling bull on the shooting in the village. which one of you shot first?
if he didnt know before (though i totally think he did cos he knows these guys) he sure as shit knew the second tom wouldnt answer
everyone coming for tom now but he’s been in charge im guessing the whole time they’ve work together so thats hard to break
still i feel like this is wills moment of not taking toms shit anymore
benny still really buys the military bull yeah? sorry kid
bless frankie for taking the blame for the village shooting. bless benny for taking it for them all. except he’s looking at tom when he says that. thats his moment of moving beyond tom being in charge
the moment frankie finally steps up to confront tom is when santi does. good for him
also good on santi for finally calling tom out on the shitshow
santi this is not all on you! santi may be a bit of a dick but tom is more for never once admitting what he did wrong, never once taking any responsibility
im sorry yall sad tom is dead cos...im not
i mean i get it. they all have history. but he’s the ass in this story and is his own reason he’s dead
benny’s song for tom. hes a military man through and through yeah? i personally dont get military bravado so cant relate. but benny is totally the most visibly emotional about toms death
quiet fish calling shit enough of this it stops now, you understand?
it’s interesting to see. he’s just been slowly boiling over, but i dont think it was tom dying that did it it was tom out of the picture
fish only shows initiative after toms gone. whether cos he needed him out the picture or cos he’s just so tired he’s just going and fuck it all
also his response to how many have you killed? as many as i had to. he’s never wanted this bull
will however knows almost exactly and he just...boxes that information away i guess. he’s good at putting stuff behind him
benny for all his rowdiness is sharp and caring. tom didnt die for this money he died because of it. yep. and his own greed
trying to avoid getting kids killed
fish is totally ready to be clean of this shitshow and the money no one will ever see the money again. good.
i know people have mentioned why did santi let fish walk away and not take any money at the very end. i dunno if fish would have taken it regardless
also fish has officially flipped now. he never wanted this shitshow but he came along cos he was asked by his best friends but now he is beyond done and will literally go through anything to call it a day
i personally think he’s the most dangerous of the lot of them because he is a livewire been waiting for a spark
santi always looks to defuse a situation
will keeps his head regardless
benny’s emotions make him scrappy but not clean enough to always be dangerous
frankie’s emotions make him fucking lethal because all regards go out the window
it’s frankie’s driving that flips the truck and kills the kids chasing them, the ones santi couldnt shoot. and frankie doesnt flinch
it’s frankie yelling for pope to kill the chasers - pope chooses to shoot out the tires, the one way he could stop the chase and they maybe live
going back on frankie killing the guys in the kitchen, i think he looked so dead behind the eyes because he’s just tired to be here again but also not even surprised he can still do it
how much is the ending everyone wanting to be clean of the money and how much is for tom?
frankie is first out the door. no one is suprised
we do love men being able to say i love you to their friends
also i greatly appreciate the level of physical touching in this movie. fuck toxic masculinity
santi feels so responsible for that shitshow he runs, cant go see tom’s family. will steps up for that
honestly, the group sans tom really support each other and balance out each others flaws
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tamiddyinyourcity · a year ago
Text
2:45pm, i like to occasionally collapse in life and not do anything, to avoid putting myself in intensely draining situations, and end up procrastinating on things longer than truly necessary.
Thursday, February 6th of 2020.
And hence, that's why it's another day of sweaty hands, tangled split ends all over my head, and depression. Lovely.
What's pissing me off?
My ex is going to Santa Cruz this weekend..... I don't know, something about that is upsetting. Maybe since his friend Cam, (who is a pretty cool dude, hes nice as heck,) hit me up when me and my ex got back together, hella excited at the idea of both of us heading back out there like we had for the big Halloween party. Cam had literally said, "So don't break up until then!" ... Four days later, guess what, bitch? And now, even though my ex was eating my pussy a few days before and promptly nutting in under 8 strokes, making out, and cuddling... I'm still single as fuck. And, sadly have to miss on the epic highs and lows of being around college kids, miles away from home..... What's sad is also since I had loved that road trip, too. That was when Patrick bought me flowers. I kept holding the lillies and smiling the whole way there. It was so nice..... He was a nice person before.
The normal dilemma of "oh cool, had a great relationship with a mess of a human being for a boyfriend, who ruined it". Or the alternative description of the dilemma, "I really liked this guy, but alas, him being a dumbass, along with his unnecessarily paranoid best friend, lead to it all breaking down at once". Its a special type of hurt. Rebuilding trust in a relationship, after an already bad first initial breakup.... And before the glue on the trust even dries, someone else drives a fucking mini van through it and annihilates me right along with it. FUUUUUUN. We love a queen who at least gave things a shot when no one else would!
I keep thinking about us fucking. Not even the most recent day, but other times, like in his car, in his bed. The really good times, the really bad times... Its odd, seeing how much he changed over our relationship. It went from nutting before he even got it in, to me deadass making him a tray of brownies for the insanity that was sex with him.... How the hell was that the same person? Huh. Goes to show, nothing bad comes from telling someone without experience ways to make you nut-
My room is a mess. I bought food, non perishables, and havent eaten them. They're all in bags in my room, untouched. Why do i even bother grocery shopping? Its just "fallback food", and not even good shit. If I've got money in my bank account, I'm buying a roasted chicken bao, and not busting open a can of Campbells Steak and Potatoes...... (It tastes...... extremely sickening.)
I only have to work weekends. Why do I stress so much about what to do during the other 5 days? The other five days, I spend sleeping, on twitter, on instagram, or wiggling my clit. Would be nice to have hobbies..... and stick with them.
The amount of money I spend on products to try and succeed at whatever new goal I make, and then promptly overworking myself, and talking down to myself, before I flop.
HOW DO I FLIRT WITH WOMEN? Men are easy, it's kinda gross, most will kinda fuck any woman that they come across. (My ex is that type, oh gross.) But women???? Are really pretty. And like???? I dont know how to flirt with women. All i know is mock flirting, eat hot chip, and lie. And i know how to slide in the dms like a fuckboy, due to lots of experience with those..... So, trying to keep it together and just avoid girls I like, until i perish, like homophobes want.
Alright, glad I got that off my chest.
I hope Cam and them are okay. I think Jasper and Marcus don't like me, but thats alright. The situation between me and their friend got super fucked, so I dont expect them to even care all that much about some tipsy clown that came to their Halloween party, tweeting about how their friend is a dickhead, you know?
Cam and Audrey are still chill, though. I feel so bad for not talking to Audrey! Shes so dope. I would have preferred to meet her, not in the context of me dating one of her old roommates.....
3:07pm. Just messaged her.
Still weird, I have no idea how I started following her OR Patrick, in the first place? It was amusing when I was first dating Patrick, and he was like, "Now you can finally meet Audrey."
I was like, "HOLY SHIT I FORGOT YALL WERE MUTUALS??? YALL WERE ROOMMATES?????"
And they were roommates!
Oh, my god, they were roommates.
....
Yes, that a vine. :)
I wonder if when I read these someday in the future, am I gonna be old and decrepit? Will I even get my own reference?
To future me: I am sorry if you don't understand this. And sorry to my future grandkids, who will definitely not understand the humor behind 7 second long videos. And to me, yet again, since.... i bet that you'll get side eyed by those little shits if you tried to explain what that was to them.
Are there slurs for old people in the future? Am I gonna be told, "OK, GEN Z" by whatever asshole kids of my kids are made someday?
And if I don't have kids..... Oh well, that's my choice! Life is life.
.....
3:13pm, I went on a tangent there.... Oh well.
I didn't tell yall about how the hookup went. For those in 2020, its none of your business. But for me in 2080, or something, ill write about it.
In a nutshell, nigga acted like he forgot how sex worked in a single month of separation.
And our separation was barely even seperate. It was like, a week and a half or so, then me showing up to his porch, asking for my Christmas gift back.
Then pretty much a series of "I'm going to block your number", almost immediately followed up by "Well, actually maybe we can hang out in broad daylight, like twice a week or so, and see from there?", and then transitioning from "Hell no. Absolutely not. Sex is too emotional, and always gets emotional. That sounds like a terrible idea," to "Well.... I can *picture* it, and i find you attractive, buuuuut.... i mean, we should talk about it some other time."
To us in his bedroom, and me saying "no homo" before tackling him and officially getting it on.
(The no homo rule works for anything. I think ive finally grew as a person, since i no longer fear intimacy with a person, or have to say no homo before asking certain things... i just ask, and dont care if they interpret things as potentially romantic or whatever... I didn't notice i stopped doing that, until now, lmfao.)
He's a really inconsistent person. Why did I even like him? If he's the type to make promises he cant keep and say statements that wouldn't even hold up a week later, why should i trust him about anything?
Since sure, all it took to get us back together that one night was a super long venting session with me asking every big question to him inside of his car, not having arguments, and making him feel comfortable.
But if alo of that can collapse over one party and one toxic friend he wanted to keep around instead of me, then its not me being the problem here.... Its him, having the emotional integrity of a deck of cards during a hurricane.
(Not even a hurricane, more like the lightest blow of air will make that nigga fold like a panini. What a bitchmade ass guy, dude.)
And even though i did that all in the pursuit of liking him, he sure as hell didnt do it for me.
The only reason i still somewhat stay in touch, is since.... to an extent, we have started to get back to a state of comfort.
We hooked up. It went from awkward, to sexy, to natural, to him nutting fast as fuck with the hardest dick he has ever had, to awkward-ish again..... to "fuck it, no homo but im cuddling with both arms", to just... I dunno, laying there, looking at each other's faces in bed.
We didnt talk about deep shit. Nigga was just holding me, butt ass nekkid, talking about using knockoff CVS Neutrogena.
.....
Pause.
I just realized... I've always been guilted by men for not "saying what i wanted", despite how obvious I was.
Not a fan of that.
If he pulls that card, so help me GOD......
.....
Back to the story.
Also, music. Since I'm writing this with the sounds of Judge Jerry on TV blasting, due to my grandmother. I don't need "I FOUND URINE IN THE FLOORBOARDS, YOUR HONOR", in my fucking ears.
I hate this song a little. Listened to it nonstop when the breakup happened.
But its a good jam, aye.
Back to the story, fucks sake.
We made out. Cuddled. Did that weird, but nice, thing where we stared at eachother for a few minutes. I definitely see him in non-rose colored glasses....... Still a nice jawline. His eyes look more grey than blue, maybe even hazel in the center. A good dude.
Then somehow hours passed, so we just walked his dog around the block, as we talked about horror movies, and about how Zootopia probably has dealt with interspecies children before, so the Zootopia Abortion Comic doesn't make any sense. (A fox + a bunny = giving birth to an Eevee. Checkmate, athiests.)
And then he drove me home. I told him about my BlackArtistsOnly music challenge for Black History Month. He recommended me some pretty dope artists. I gotta listen to some of them. And then when I left his car, he seemed.... Off, but still good.
I don't know if he expected a kiss goodbye before I left, but I'd understand why. Hell, if our romantic routine was similar to how the day had went, I can't be shocked if he did. But, whatever, i could just be picturing things.
So, that definitely is a step up from when it was just us meeting for Wingstop, and him leaving less than 40 minutes after we meet very abruptly, then me taking an uber home, just to cry at how much things changed.
Going from "pretty much a stranger now" to "similar guy as before, but geez, he knows how to build walls up high", is... a weird transition. But, it happens fam.
I just kept climbing the walls and ignoring hurdles, since if the visible end game was "We CAN be good friends, and not give up on even just hanging or banging like before"..... then, yeah. I continued. And succeeded.
Since oh look, we successfully had a day where I didn't cry, we had intimacy without major talks about problematic things being had. Was actually civil AND chill, shit went well. What more can one ask for, out of a fwb?
It went well. :)
.....
I think I was hurt the other day; admittedly.
I think he ignored my messages for hella hours....... I didn't pester him; or double text. But, shit was not very fun.
I eventually just called him up to say hey, and he was being a total asshole about it. Wouldnt say why. And asked him if he wanted to see Battle Royale; since when we fucked, he said that he never saw the film before. And when we were texting afterwards, he claimed Japanese Horror films are better than American. (Agreed.... I digged this dude a lot since we agreed a lot on super niche things and specific interests. Like, who else to spend time watching subbed international movies with for a night?)
But he said he rescheduled therapy, and would be gone all weekend for Santa Cruz.
Sure, I'm at peace with it now, (thanks to a successful date the other night, a shopping spree, and other,) but damn, hurt to hear that he was gonna see his cool buds again.
This time, without me. Without a two hour long road trip with me there. No pre-trip McDonalds, scaring strangers in traffic with my full face of Joker makeup on. And upon arrival, no me getting drunk and telling his friends about the time I was sent a removed human genitalia in the mail to me. Or making a huge chain of people sitting on each other's lap, for the worlds strangest photo op.
What could've been, isn't. Since he broke up with me that night, and that reality is gone.
.....Ouch, man.
Will it hurt him the same way? Is he just gonna spend two hours listening to NPR, riding in silence, or think about how things had been last time I went with him?
I doubt it will, but there's no way to know. I wouldn't wanna ask. Other than hoping he has a good time or not, then, i cant control if a nigga cries over me or not.
.....
I can't believe I hooked up with him again.
Short term confidence in the fact that I got to smash someone, and them being aroused by me? Yeah.
Them still leaving me on read? Of course.
I expected that.
At least the mild enjoyment of the hookup, hangout, and texting was good.
I just.... Hmm.
It's not me expecting him to date me again.
Hell, the other day when telling someone else about how the breakup had went, they said, "If he called you and asked to get back together with you right now, what would you say?"
I said something along the lines of "theyre a piece of shit if they tried", and "but, despite how disgusted i would be by them, id make it clear that it would take a fuckton for me to ever get on the same level of trust with them again that way."
And, its true.
Since even if Patrick came outside my house right now, with a boombox, blasting some terrible song like Crimewave by Crystal Castles to summon me outside the house.... yeah, id go outside and make out with him. No question.
But dating would be..... Yeah, still a lot of trust was ruined. If it wasnt ruined by the birthday incident, it was DEFINITELY tarnished by the guilt of the violence, pulling teeth in terms of getting him to actually be honest with me for once in his fucking life, and the several, (several,) incidents of him being hesitant to try things... that we are doing now, which went 100x times better than he imagined.
So in a nutshell, "him making everything, from the breakup and basic communication and respect, to him being constantly hesitant and pessimistic, rude, or blatantly a fucking asshole..... way harder than it ever had to be, is what stopped that hookup from us being a thing yet again."
Two and a Half Men said something on TV, which made me pause in writing.
"When your dog dies, you dont make a list. You bury it, plant a shrub over it, tell the kids that hes running around a farm somewhere, and move on."
Overall, he makes it hard to tell if he wants to bury us or not.
He seemed adamant about it. Adamant about a lot of things. And now a month later, if i asked his stance on the things he was so hard about, you'd see him furrow how brow at even the idea of following things he said before. (i.e., "should you stop giving me rides/fucking me/hanging out"? hed probably agree if he thought it was what i wanted, but would brow furrow the same.)
Since it definitely gives mixed signals if the same night he told me he was definitely not going to see me again, immediately then went on to..... yknow, genuinely mentioned wanting to continuously keep seeing me. Normal people usually don't say that after terrible physical altercations with the girl that they dumped. I question why he had said that. Like.... none of the potentials work that well.
I'll just upset myself, so, i better not think about it.... but admittedly, fear must have been a factor. Thats.... not... a great reason.... to try and see someone. If he dumped me that night entirely, then i most likely would have just wrote on here about how much i had hated him. (And, guilt for how things went.)
It just is odd to go, "You know what? I'm gonna spontaneously bring up paying for my ex girlfriend's therapy, seeing her during the week, and so forth."
....
I feel terrible remembering things too much.
I would leave out things when i write on here, but that, paired with memory loss, is like erasing history to me.
6:20pm. Paused from writing an hour ago. I asked him. He said it was 80% fear.
Not sure if I get his logic, but I mean... alright.
I don't get the point of trying to keep around someone you're afraid of, but ill just chalk it up to "hes a pussy", and "i was also very emotionally unstable that night, so it was understandable to be afraid of what a person might do next".
I hated it; mainly since he sounded overly sincere with the way he asked. Even I thought it was strange, suggesting that so soon.
Since if a guy gets attacked and tells me he's going to indefinitely block me, then fine. Understandable. Not a fan of it, definitely not....
But then the way he suddenly shifted to wanting to talk things through. And apologize, and whatever. Was.... odd.
I even told him that night that it was waaaaay too soon to be idealizing about ways to see me. Like bro, it wasnt even past five minutes of me trying to whack you on the head? Give it time; Stockholm Syndrome is a thing......
(Especially since I could tell WHY he was, and describing to me the ways we could meet and whatever..... was gonna get my hopes up. I didnt need to be hurt, and i also reassured him that it was definitely too soon to suggest such a big commitment to me in terms of seeing me after a big moment like that went down.)
I'm grossed out hearing him say the truth. But, not like i expected any different. I just expected to hear "since i was afraid you would do something", but not "it was done out of 80% fear."
God.... eugh.
Whatever. No other option but to live with myself. I beat myself up too bad about it. I don't think abuse or violence should be condoned. (I sure the fuck didnt like some of the cruel shit being implied by him either, but violence was not the answer.)
He was fine. I was fine. And we got past it. If he agreed out of fear before, then he seems to decently trust me these days.
.....
But does he? He didn't tell me about Santa Cruz, for whatever reason. He's.... Eh.
Why do I even care? He's secretive, constantly impolite, and never grateful for anything in his life until its gone.
The only guy I know who would literally ask me to hold him as he cries so dramatically, just to dump me. Wouldn't give me back a fucking index card painting I made him, telling me both that are relationship was hopeless, but that he wanted to sentiment it heavily. (Fuck you, you dickhead! That was the only shit you had to do, and I would have moved on, happily, knowing you didnt have something heartfelt i had given just to overall call our relationship worthless two days later..... God, i hate him.)
I should have just stayed gone when I first dumped him. If he wanted to cry into his IKEA bed and weep to all his friends, "boo hoo, my girlfriend dumped me for keeping secrets and for defending a bitch who keeps being shady as fuck", then i should have let his ass cry, and stayed gone.
Hes such an asshole.
I don't regret the sex, though. It was not great, but, it got the job done.
Some orgasms.
Mild ego.
Somewhat sexual attraction to my ex, with a decent lack of emotional attachment to the guy.
....
My ex is such a weirdo.
It's why I disliked him, yet liked him, when we first hooked up. The overall vibe of "hes really hot, and pretty sweet, but hes got the emotional range of a stick."
Its kind of sad. I mean..... I don't know, hes got potential to be something popping. And it seems like he self sabotages himself. So much.
And now here I am, foolishly trying to expect a stick to be anything but a stick.
......
I never wanted things to be like this.
I avoided dating him, since:
I didn't want to be disappointed if he couldn't do basics in a relationship that anyone else could.
I didn't want to overwhelm someone incapable of giving love or security to a person with standards they could never meet.
The relationship surprised me, since:
He ended up being better than most of my exes, when he showed he actually liked me enough to show me the effort I wanted.
He seemed like he got the hang of it, and wasnt struggling to be emotionally available/honest/happy.
The relationship ended twice, because:
He showed me he was incapable of truly trusting me.
He's conflict avoidant.
Untrustworthy.
Never offers resolutions and prefers to push problems down, hoping theyll be forgotten, instead of realizing that problems only worsen if they are not directly met with confrontation and resolution being provided.
At the simple and fucking blatant request of "telling me would let me know how to resolve things or potentially make things better so she could be comfortable speaking to me, and so things can improve, and i could trust her and vice versa", nigga literally refused and made it blatantly clear..... even if it could be something positive, his ego would make him refuse any sort of resolution. Ive met people like that.... the relationships turned very "they get every single thing their way, or let the gaslighting and abuse begin" veeeeeery soon.
Since really nigga, why be shocked that I'm not happy at you refusing every single resolution, opportunity, or even the SLIGHTEST fucking attempt to better things? It made it clear he was gonna be a terrible boyfriend. If he can demand the right to put so little effort into his girlfriend being able to feel comfortable or trusting of him? Looking back that night, I loved our relationship, but i had never been more upset at him than i was that night.... Everything i said, in one ear and out of the other one. Christ, dude.
If I write anything more, I'll get pissed. :)
6:57pm.
I tend to write the good and the bad moments, since he is an odd guy.
All his signs point to "not interested or worthy or prepared for what comes with having an exclusive relationship with someone he would care about".
And his dick points to ME.
And his ability to actually follow any promise he makes, is usually gone with the wind in terms of what someone else wants. (Which i find fucked up, but clearly he does nothing to ever check on himself.)
So, if I can envision a vibe, and I want a vibe, and the only thing preventing a decent looking guy who I slightly resent sometimes, from being both inside me, in his house, or doing the things id like in a friendship like we have......
Is:
Waiting to establish trust and peace between us in a way that is more than just intense indifference between me and him
Setting boundaries
A few good hangouts with no expectations
Unabashed honesty
And being hot (this doesnt even need to be added, i already have this shit going always)
Then.... hell, why not. I was already gonna be mildly angsty, bored, horny, and needing to get out the house anyways.
So thats why i went there.
And here we are. Manifested shit. Got it.
He couldn't picture it, and i did. See how well that went? Oh look, nobody died at you hanging out with me. The world didnt end at us talking about Uncut Gems and painting. Your dick didnt fall off when you had gotten head! Maybe, just maybe, i am an amazing individual with no downsides.
No "maybe", even. Its just a pure fact.
And he doesnt see that; hence, why I was at home during his birthday party, and he was getting drunk.
Hence why I'm at home, all sweaty and bored, instead of anxiously texting him, happily, about what to bring to Santa Cruz.
I wouldn't be single, if not for him.
I would've been at that party, or having my texts read, if I was something he saw actual potential in.
......
All I can say is....
If I stay, it's since I see something there. Even if not a romance, since he sucks at those, once it means defending me or actually showing value in me over the toxic ass bitches stalking my ass over some shit that he admits was the highest level of bullshit.....
It's something somewhat desired. Not him, but something.
And if I leave, it's since I'm tired of him.
Nothing more to say, just that.
7:21pm. I did good today. Went shopping and out and about the night before, and didnt feel any misery. When i felt impending doom and depression trying to creep in, i went "lets go to sleep", and slept. Woke up fine, even if a little salty.
Made some new friends. Thanked the ones that I have known for years, ever since my junior year of high school, for being around. Told them i loved them. They told me it back. I adore them. ❤
And tomorrow, I get pedicures with my boss. I feel good. :)
Thats all.
Peace out, yalls. :)
0 notes
I don’t understand why everyone here is mad about Brooke possibly being with CG when Vanessa has had been with several different guys since Brooke, ones who are way worse than CG (that Kameron guy). Is Brooke not allowed to be with other people but Vanessa is? I don’t understand why the reactions are different even if you don’t like the guy.
If you get mad at one of them because of clownery and scenarios you made up in your head, you need to take a step back and find a hobby. It's not normal to be frustrated at B/CG/V because we actually DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! Remember y'all, clowning is not reality and speculations are not facts. I don't mind the clowning but some of you REALLY need to chill. Yikes 😬
I'm tired that some of you think B is the mean one for everything she does and that you treat V like a baby and her only personality trait is being a desperate ex. They deserve better and less judgemental fans. Sorry to say it like that but that's what some of you are 🤷🏼‍♀️. Acting as if you know them better than themselves when we probably only know less than 10% of what really goes on between them. Speculating is fine until you start judging someone's character and start hating them for it
I cant believe you all convinced yourselves that V and B were back together in some capacity to the point where people are reacting the way they currently are. I’m honestly shocked and somewhat disgusted at the way some people are handling this. At the end of the day, if B is happy then what the fuck else matters??
I love clowning when it's funny and doesn't do any harm but to judge B and be all "poor V" when we actually DON'T KNOW them outside of what we see, is NOT it. The libra thing was funny, B was making fun of herself and the branjie stans. Also, V seems to be doing just fine! She's just very busy with her tour. Liking B's posts after B opened the door with her tweet about their facetime call DOESN'T mean she's still in love. Like V said : it's not that deep! Y'all are to quick to judge and project
I think saying B lied about the reasons her realtionship with V and calling her a coward is unfair. People can change and grow (let's not forget they broke up more than a year ago!). Also, we aren't sure what it is with CG. If it's a fwb situation or an open relationship, those wouldn't even be options for V (we know she wants The Notebook) so if that's what works for B than it is what it is. Can we just be happy for B and V no matter what and stop always making it about the other?
To anon saying "I only feel this way because B has been very misleading" when B wasn't completely clear about her relationship with V? She was blunt at the reunion, she was blunt in her twitter/instagram post, she was blunt in her monologue at the branjie funeral. She was never misleading, people are just over analyzing everything and being delusional. And like B said after DXP when people tried to police her interactions with V: it's their friendship they will act as they please.
PEOPLE CALM THE FUCK DOWN.
Why does when B get in a relationship all hell breaks loose but when V already had a boyfriend and other flings the reactions aren’t as hateful ? Let them live their life. I hope that both of them will find happiness. And that’s that.
Honesty I’m happy for the Brooke bc now I can stop clowning these fools. I’m sure all’s fine with V too but I dunno I hope the sm break and eye roll wasn’t for this. Anyway, here’s one thing I’m thinking - remember how hot V looked at drag con post reunion? I really hope she brings sexy V to drag con, forgets about all these stupid boys, and just is hot hot hot for all the world to see! And they better play Diamonds by Normani and Meg for Vs drag con runway entrance thingy!!!!
B said about wanting freedom about a relationship that happened a year ago. She could be in a different place now. And from what we can see of the cg relationship it looks much more loose and free - thats probably exactly what she wanted and something vanjie couldnt or didnt want to give her. People can be attracted to each other and want different things from a relationship that arent compatible it's neither of their faults
To be fair to B she at no point has said that shes still interested in V romantically or sexually. She has only ever said theyre friends. We're the clowns making it mean more than it does. B is flirty with literally everyone as you'll know if you've ever seen him irl or at a meet and greet. It's his only way of interacting with the world
They're not dating, come on! They are just friends with benefits. I know this is a blog for clowning, but them dating doesn't make sense with what they have both been saying lately.
It was a picture but not an admission. He never said meet my new boo. Also it was a story not a post. It will be gone in 24 hrs!
Ya know what brooke lynn can do what she wants she grown. I'm not a fan of animal exploitation workers but S seems kinda sweet and if he makes B happy good. Just so long as next time vanessa find herself a new man brooke lynn don't be pulling no damn tricks. I'm not afraid to fight a giant.
People are very passionate about this whole thing. I have my own personal opinion and feeling on the topic but honestly I am too tired to get into it. I mean you can go through my blog and pretty much figure out what I think. For now we just sit back and see what happens. If anyone is personally affected by this and needs to talk my dms are always open. I just am going to be excited for Drag Con this weekend and hopefully getting some great, new drag content.
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