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#i literally hate how this came out but ive drawing it for the entire day LOL
j0nika · 20 days
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HOLD UP, since your mom bought Rebellion for you as a birthday present, is today your birthday?!
Also…how was it…? I hope you liked it! (Of course if you have trouble processing what happened, feel free to ask)
That was the best movie
i have ever watched.
i went through all 5 stages of grief within the matter of 5 minutes.
SPOILERS FOR MADOKA MAGICA REBELLION BELOW!
i feel like i have never been so touched by a piece of media in my life
since the movie is so long, im not going to touch on every part, only the ones that were the most important to me
I WAS VERY CONFUSED AT THE BEGINNING. it was a huge surprise that the world had been fake (pretty much), because i was almost positive that was homura in her early stages of time travelling....NO. everything had already happened...
when they had begun talking about how the world was created by a witch, i was confused on how Bebe was relevant, since there had been no previous mention of them...and for them to imagine this ENTIRE WORLD just didnt sit right with me. once they started to mention it a little more, i had immediately known it was homura.
still, i started to get emotional when the world started to burn, and it was revealed that homura really was behind this. homura had been the thing she had sworn not to trust, what she hated with all her heart, trapped in her own cage she was trying to escape from...quite literally. that in itself was pretty beautiful to me :(
after all of that, when homura had pretty much sentenced herself to death to make sure that madoka would not be taken advantage of, madoka ended up trying so hard to save homura...i think that their love for eachother is definitely mutual, even if it seems like homuras might overpower madokas, i know that madoks truly cares about keeping homura safe and even in a moment of sacrifice madoka still just longed to be with homura and didnt want her to end that way, it was such a heartwarming moment
especially when god madoka came down to help homura, i started tearing up, it was really pretty and i had these lighst going on in my room and i was wondering the whole time "what does fantasy mean by people dont like what homura does at the end? everything seems fine right now!"
........
HOMURA
WHAAAAAATTTTT?!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Holy FUCKING SHIT I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.
I THINK THAT WAS MY *FAVORITE* PLOT TWIST THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN AN ANIME...IT SERIOUSLY BROUGHT OUT ALL THE EMOTIONS IN ME
i was STARING at my tv with my mouth open i could not believe it.....AND WHEN SHE STARTED TO SMILE, I GOT SUPER EXCITED!! I tend to accidently headcanon characters insanity as the smiling insanity, as if they broke, and i had started drawing homura like that but figured it wasnt fitting for her.....DAMN WAS I WRONG!!!!
i LOVE how homura had become an obsessive....not quite lustful, but more...PURELY EVIL DEMON....who had seperated madokas human form and god form to create a madoka who would be able to live happily (i believe?) with an altered memory...GOD, that scene was so POWERFUL, ive been stuck thinking about it all day today....DAMNIT HOMURA, I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU ARE EVIL!!! And this insane character development just made me love her even more!!!!!!!
then, at the end, when madoka had ended up quickly reuniting with her god form....and the way that homura said that the ribbons look better on madoka....JESUS...i was THIS CLOSE TO CRYING!!! it was almost a bittersweet ending, and that was the best route they couldve chosen...i couldnt tell if i felt sad, at peace.....it was really really beautiful!
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
that scene with the flower field....THE SCENE WITH THE FLOWER FIELD HAD ME NEAR SOBBING...i thought it was gorgeous and the way that they hugged...the thought that this would be one of the last times homura would be able to hear madoka say those heartfelt things to her, just seeing her sit there....it was really blissful :(
THE SCENE WITH THE STATUE TURNING TO TAR!!!! that was AMAZING symbolism, holy shit! i just kinda stared at the tv for a little bit...its as if homuras love was infecting madoka....i love it so much.
i cant quitteee remember this one very well, but when madoka started t-posing and sunk into the ground, becoming this liquid, the homura becoming liquid, then a mini homura smashing it up? I DONT THINK IM REMEMBERING IT RIGHT, but i just know that it kind of hit me, it reminded me of no matter how hard homura had kept trying to save madoka, she kept dying...and all she went through within all of the timelines were ultimately very small and hardly mattered, since in the end, she failed...THATS HOW I SAW IT!
(and also, the fight with mami was AMAZING!!!! The music, the combat, the intensity, oh my god!! and when homura shot herself, and then held it up to mami, i was like WHATS GOING ON?!?!?)
this movie was absoloutely beautiful, touching, intense, i....literally have no words to describe it.
I PROBABLY WOULDVE NEVER GOTTEN TO WATCHING IT IF YOU DIDNT RECCOMEND IT TO ME FANTASY!!! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH...that was *seriously* one of the best experiences of my life, i went through so much in such a little amount of time...the fascinating scenery with the witches and the everything looked amazing as always, this was just a very very special and UNIQUE movie to me and i stayed involved the whole time...I DONT THINK ANYTHING THAT ILL EVER WATCH WILL TOP THAT, HONESTLY.....
thank you SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!! I LOVED IT!!! 10000000/10.....it genuinely couldnt have been better!!!!! and it only made me love homura even more!!!!!!!!
(ALSO, TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, it is not my birthday! my birthday is in 9 days, march 16th! STILL COUNTS AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!)
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a-whispering-echo · 19 days
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i saw band requests and you mentioned Red in ur last post so yk 👉👈
only if you wanna
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YESSS! Red! here!
So, hes a drug dealer here -oop. hes 25 and about 5'9. he sees like a right dick, a real THREAt, but hes a sweetheart, really.
He dated Dust when he was 18, and Dust was 15. wanna make it clear that Red DID NOT know of Dust's age! Dust looked older than he was at the time due to malnutrition and living on the streets at the time, and Dust LIED about his age to Red! When Red learnt that Dust was younger than he said, he broke it off with him instantly. They have a somewhat brotherly relationship now; Red looks out for Dust and calls him 'Kid' now.
Red still deals to Dust - just weed though! Sometimes Dust pays with money, sometimes sexual favours. His partners all know about both the drug use and the payment methods. Theyre okay with it!
Well, mostly.
Cross fucking HATES Red! Cross was besties with Dust when he started dating Red, and Cross could see that Red was a bad influence on Dust. getting him into all sorts of dark and dodgy shit; hes the reason Dust smokes to this very day, in fact! And yeah, maybe some of that hatred was caused by younger Cross' 'little' crush on Dust from back in the day... Regardless, Cross decked him in the face once.
Cross doesnt know how the relationship ended because he was shipped off to boot camp by his father while Dust was still dating him, and then when Cross got out, he joined the Stars. Cross never contacted his old friends when he was shipped off, wasnt given the CHANCE to, and then by the time he came back, all his old friends had formed a band without him and had made it big. He assumed they simply were not interested in him anymore. And hey, if he dated Dream, so sweet and kind to him, if he squinted he could almost trick himself into believing he was Nightmare.
Dust thought Cross left BECAUSE of him dating Red. He knew Cross didnt approve, knew he didnt like Red, and literally after just a few weeks after a physical altercation between the two, Cross disappeared off the face of the earth? Obviously, it was his fault, and Dust realised that he himself was USING Red; for shelter for food, heck, for drugs! And that wasnt fair to Red. So, he came clean; told Red what he did, what hes doing, and his lie, and obviously, they broke up. They are on... amicable terms now, obviously.
On an entirely separate note, i actually am SO proud of how this drawing came out! If im being honest, ive always been slightly scared of drawing, not only black characters, but characters who are of another race to my own, because i dont want to fuck it up, and accidentally make some racist caricature, which, like, i know is just my anxiety, but its stopped me from drawing characters before. So, im honestly so pleased with how he came out! I think he, and all the other characters ive drawn, have actually come out very well, and im pleased with the results! And i think thats finally broken down my caution with straying from drawing them <3
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honeyxoxotwd · 1 year
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Fighting For Our Home
 TriggerWarning: Violence
This was our last chance. 
    I was eye to eye with every single walker that had just ripped through our walls and invaded Alexandria. Our brand new home that I finally just started feeling safe sleeping in. Everything was back to how it was again. I was, how I was again. The nightmares of being out there for too long started flooding back. Today was the day it could all end. We were all strung together, hand in hand. We had just seen Glenn’s signal to come help and I could do absolutely nothing about it.  Nevertheless I had to push past that because my family was depending on me to help get everyone to safety and draw the walkers away.  Carl was with us and no matter how much love I have for Glenn I have to get my sibling to safety. Everything was going okay. We were all walking slow as hell but not being noticed. It had taken hours to get even slightly across town because the streets were so flooded with the dead, but then everything went numb. My ears started ringing and I could feel my heart beating so hard I thought it was going to explode out of my chest. Sam.. poor little innocent Sam. He just started freaking out and their was nothing I could do. Next thing I know walkers are tearing him apart.Just ripping his entire face off. Then Jessie. Jessie was even worse because the look on her eyes as she couldn't let go of his hand which was barely held together by ligaments.They just pounced on her. The walkers take everything. She had a hold of Carl. “ Y/N help, help me.” he whispered in fear. I let go of my Dads hand as he was in total shock about to see red, just like at the prison with mom. I grabbed his axe and started shredding Jessie literally death grip off of Carl. Ron was the last to go. He made that mistake himself though. Seeing his family being eaten alive caused him to break. He pulled a gun on us. What else were we suppose to do? He was just a kid though just like Carl. He was eaten up from all the hate, anger and loss of his shitty ass Dad. Michonne acted as fast as she could but as he was falling into the deep plunge of her sword he pulled the trigger. It went quiet again, all the problems they caused suddenly stopped.” Dad...Y/N...” We looked over as carl began falling down.  Ron got him. He managed to get. Dad picked Carl up as tears started streaming down my face. No sound just tears, so many tears. I pulled my knife out and started swinging into the skulls of the walkers in complete rage, making space for them to get through.  I wasn't scared of losing the town anymore just the people. I didn't care that it was all taken. Glenn, Carl and everyone needed to be okay. Ive never treated the walkers this bad even when everything fell apart. I had no remorse at all. We finally got inside were the threw him on the table. My dad dropped him off and started heading out the door. Michonne was sitting at the top holding Carls head while I stood above still freaking out. I followed my dad. I didn't care about the town anymore but at least I would be able to help clear enough of them if we have to move Carl and go get Judith.  We started circling up killing walkers.The people of Alexandria came out of their houses that they hid in for hours and joined in. We did this for a couple hours till we heard machine gun shots and a giant fire was lit in the pond. The walkers were led away and we all killed them one by one. The next morning is when it was finally all over. I was covered in blood and sweating so hard. My entire body was sore and on fire. I dropped to me knees on the ground. we did it....as I was kneeling there I hear someone”Y/N”. I looked up with extreme exhaustion and there he was, Glenn. He didn't even have a scratch on him. He was okay. He ran down and feel to his knees above me and just held me crying. I never felt more relieved in my life. I knew Carl was hurt but we had Denise. We fought and we won. My family is going to live. 
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echoscribbles · 2 years
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faints
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Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1
🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶
Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??
Yes.
Wushanju Crew Chat
Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.
Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS
Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.
Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES
Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol
What glittery bead curtain
Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.
What could this mean?
Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?
Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES
Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat
Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU
I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS
BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING
GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS
PANIC AT THE DISCO
Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.
Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.
Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT
SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME
Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?
Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES
BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.
Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop
Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.
Wang Pangzi: LOL
Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?
Zhang Qiling: No.
Wu Xie: okay who’s next
Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN
REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)
Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?
Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.
Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS
BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL
ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS
Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted
Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL
Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off
Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??
Zhang Qiling: ?
Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year
He and I go way back
Zhang Qiling: Way back where?
Babysitters Club Chat
Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT
IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED
Zhang Qiling: ?
Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS
YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM
Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.
Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY
LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE
Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.
Main Chat
Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival
Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that
Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.
Re: the trip
He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju
Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital
And frankly the hospital hates him too
Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL
I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT
A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE
WOULDNT YOU SAY
XIOAGE
Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?
Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?
Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.
ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED
Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.
Snake Eyes Chat
Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?
Li Cu: uh nope
Unless u count the outdated memes
Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing
Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet
Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really
(I mean maybe? but who knows)
Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age
Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age
Wu Xie: …hey:(
Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.
Wu Xie: ????????
Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck
Unknown Number: …close enough.
Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that
Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck
Are you
Li Cu is underage FYI
So Im staying on this chat
Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that
Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g
u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember
And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat
we have been discussing u
Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!
What a surprise:)
hi so nice to meet you:)
Main Chat:
Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT
FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT
IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS
Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?
Not my problem? Good.
Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU
HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH
IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE
Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance
has he been collecting on two allowances??
Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.
Snake Eyes Chat
Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?
Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.
Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?
Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)
Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.
another dangerous adventure. again. prick.
Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago
Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago
Li Cu: That isn’t funny.
Unknown Number: …What?
Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.
…I use humor as a coping mechanism?
Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?
Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means
He doesn’t cope, like ever
In fact
It’s kind of why we met
Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh
Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao
Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?
Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why
Main Chat
Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv
Who do we know who spends time in jail
Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process
Also how’s the curtain case coming along
Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?
Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure
Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH
Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat
Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit
u are sus as hell
Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night
I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles
Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved
Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.
Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha
Forget i said anything
Delete this chat even
Li Cu: shit I meant
Legally, biologically, I meant—
shit
…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?
Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!
Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here
lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e
Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff
Wu Xie: uh…okay.
Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail
As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less
I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”
Well maybe the sand
that shit was everywhere
Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.
Li Cu: no, no it’s just
I do technically have a dad
who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.
So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there
Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh
Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right
Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that
Li Cu: ew tmi
Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery
I moved my stuff here, I live here now
So you can’t die anymore
Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned
anyways abt the curtain
Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea
I am in tears.
Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here
Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb
Go hug Pangzi or something
Maybe delete this chat
Or the curtain thing
Focus on the curtain thing
Just stfu and go away
Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3
Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.
Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything
Main Chat
Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*
Wang Pangzi: I MEAN
HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH
BUT SURE
CUTE I GUESS
Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)
Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.
Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE
NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN
DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID
Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid
Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?
Wu Xie: right
Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH
Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.
Unnamed Chat:
Unknown number: so the curtain…
Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know
Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive
Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out
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bimbosupreme · 3 years
Text
mephistopheles love post
the equivalent of a mental breakdown tangent is all going under a read more
yes believe it or not that freaky ass literally not even human clown in fgo gets love, and love from who? me and like 3 other people
first off
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ok and with that out of the way,
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i’m not even familiar with their lore. Reason why i stopped caring about the lore behind faust and mephistopheles is that an interlude happens that shows that mephistopheles is just some homunculi made by some mage nobody named faust. and even then the interlude doesn’t talk about the lore behind the novel, its just you helping mephy kill faust
that being said though i would hope the developers expand on their origins more and potentially even release a “true” mephistopheles (a girl can dream)
So, they’re not even the real deal demon known as Mephistopheles in the first place, and i can hear u going “well that’s lame” and like, no, we just need to redirect our feelings from appreciating a demon to appreciating a homunculi who has a weird characterization in the fate universe
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Design tangent:
Fgo was actually my first gacha, and so when I came across this servant I kinda instantly fell in love with their design, I love the colors used in their final ascension and overall appearance. The hat that has horns but they're not quite horns, theyre these weird colorful pointy twisty things, the large garish butterfly ornament on their chest (which isnt ugly at all and somehow works so well with their everything on them) is cool, the tights are so cool to look at, i mean look -- a checkered pattern with golden lining on the shorts portion, the tits out look like yes we get it youre insane, the gloves??? purple and also cool, plus theyve got this gradient thing going on? and the fingers have this line going through them, thats so cool. actually the only other servant that comes close to this in terms of “out there” colorful designs is probably final ascension kama and qsh ( i love them both). Also, mephy has this scissor weapon?? thats so cool lol i dont see any other servant wielding giant scissors (for the love of god give mephy an animation update i need to see them use the scissors while doing flips) and they also have this bomb obsession going on? cant relate, but the bombs designs are so so cool i mean its a fucking centipede -- no idea if centipedes are a thing in the original faust but thats something Ill have to look up at some point. ALSO mephy is wearing heels oh my god anytime people wear heels is an automatic win. No clue whats going on with the hair but its kinda cute (dont question me on that) and it has curls and the hair colors are cool i mean its like a lavender thing with darker purple highlights? i love colorful things and i love people with wacky personalities so. Oh my god their tail how could i forget that its so cute and dumb i almost forgot it was there, like what is that even a whip? i dont.. but its got these little purple tips to them that are kinda cute/cool but more cool because tails are fucking up there alongside heels in terms of cool stuff on characters. and of course their fluffly cape -- again no idea what the designers were going for i mean look its a mess of a design i have no fucking idea what any of it means and i hope they explain it someday because that hair and the butterfly and the tail and the hat and the fluffy garb and a bomb obsession?? and this got the go ahead - yeah lets add that to the game like what
ALSO LETS TALK ABOUT THEIR EYES
appreciate these with me for a second
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god.
oh and the blue lipstick and face paint god thats a cool design ugh
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they can be normal too or at least as normal as possible i mean they even trimmed their eyebrow here lol but you can see the not so well hidden insanity/goofiness peaking through with the inside of the suit at the bottom being highlighter purple and a green shirt with gold accents underneath the black coat at the front <3, fuckin hate that hairstyle tho bro we gotta get that middle part hairstyle outta hereeeee--
TAKE A DETOUR AND LOOK AT THIS LINK THOUGH THIS IS THE MOST NORMAL AND BEST IVE SEEN THEM IN FANART. THE POTENTIAL IS THERE. WE CAN HAVE NICE THINGS AND THEY LOOK GREAT ITS POSSIBLE. I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE FROM THAT DRAWING.
anyways this is me going off all about why i like their design! but we haven’t even touched the nitty gritty of it all. their personality! what personality you may ask? havent they always been some weirdo laughing a lot and saying dumb shit all the time? well yes and no
Characterization:
True to their dumb little clown design mephy also acts like one.
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Some servants bond 1 lines are like “fuck off” and some actually talk to you, nah this bastard mephistopheles’ just laughing. and for the second bond line it seems to imply theyre fuckin with you more (showing up and dissapearing and saying ‘afterimage’) so thats nice that theyre actually making some effort to mess with you in a way? some servants take a long time to actually interact with you so this shows theyre not afraid of interacting with you and thats just at bond 2. and of course the third bond line implies they were probably trying to betray you, its stated in more than 1 place that mephistopheles (actually isnt this a caster class thing?) will betray you or attempt to do so. So the third bond line seems to imply that their attempts have been stopped by you and that’s what they say after some failed attempts. So after stopping this freak from doing some shit their next bond line is actually doing a confession! a jester being honest who couldve seen that one coming but theyre 100% not lying, they really arent a demon but a homunculi made by faust
speaking of faust we’re going to backtrack a little into their interlude that i brought up at the start of this post, its one of those dream interludes and it starts with mephy asking you to help him plant bombs for their eventual reuinion/showdown with faust -- in the meantime faust keeps sending golems in an attempt to kill both you and mephy
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When you track faust down, it’s shown that faust was your typical mage, inhumane and uncaring. It’s also pointed out that this faust killed innocents, but this typical mage behavior is boring to mephy, and they say that boring typical behavior is why they wanted to kill them
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 so i really cant blame mephistopheles for being the way they are, being raised by this type of guy, even if mephy was always messed up and wacky from the beginning its no reason for faust to attempt to kill him.
Mephistopheles also shows up in salem, cu alter’s interlude, and of course the knk crossover event, and some other things im most likely forgetting but those 3 are ones that i find notable
anytime they show up theyre actually helpful, in salem mephy points out that the nature of the being responsible for the salem epic of remnant is something alien rather than a typical foreign god, mephy also tells you that time is also being sped up and in their weird way they try to cheer you up by spouting some nonsense at the beginning (guda needed some kind of distraction from the grim events that had just transpired at that point in the story), i cant quite remember what mephy did in the knk event but they were a part of your group and were helpful the whole time, actually @/zeravmeta does an amazing analysis of their role in the knk event as well as some extra character analysis here
mephistopheles is kinda cryptic in a weird way though,
like overall i mean theyre a jester homunculi in appearance so yeah its to be expected but come on i love morally gray characters, despite their supposed betrayal hints scattered around here and there
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they have this one line that always gets to me
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and this line is said with a completely serious face too
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the rare serious mephistopheles face! its kinda grim to see that line, no laughs, no nothing, their voice is kinda serious and monotone too. of course this could be just to get you to lower your guard but its still kinda out there that they have this rarely used portrait and that line, so i like to take it as being said to you when youre by yourself and with sincerity
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and at least sei (with her wacky outfit and all lol) seems to get along with mephy and thinks theyre nice woohoo
so at the end of the day you have this guy that laughs a lot and gives mixed signals
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and they fuck with you
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and will most likely try to kill you more than once but hey thats just another tuesday at chaldea
Before I finish last thing I want to point out is this snippet from the fgo source material book which provides more information on servants, and this specific translated bit under mephistopheles
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at the core of it all this homunculi....can be your friend! you just need to not go into despair i guess
of course this entire post is an overanalysis into an underwritten character, quarantine + all online college classes have done this to me, i have a douman icon what did you expect
OH...BEFORE I REALLY SIGN OFF AND FINISH THE POST HEY CLOWN LOVERS CHECK OUT THESE FANARTS AND FANARTISTS...
THE FIRST ONE IS HASENDOW YES THE DOUMAN DESIGNER... <3
i cant believe they drew mephy
twice !
and for those of you on twitter check out @cuz_pb and @L0VEYAMA003
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avengersapology-vid · 3 years
Conversation
Avengers: College Edition
Steve: Criminal Justice and Studio Art double major. He doesn't want to torture himself with anything difficult and still wants to study what he loves. He is still an over achiever though. Highkey hates frat parties, saw someone twerking upside down and almost cried but stayed because hes the designated driver (responsible KING). prefers small get togethers with his friends. Roommates with sam and bucky!! Joins Criminal Justice club, jokingly rivals with Engineering (Tonys Club) Everyone on campus loves him including the professors, wins Homecoming king and is very happy. Sam jokingly asks to be his queen, Bucky butts in and says "NO, im his queen". Can be found in the library or art studio, usually with ink or pencil markings on his hands.
Tony: Obvi an engineering KING has physics as a minor. procrastinates to the max "No Bruce I have everything under control" *crams for 46 hours straight on a constant IV drip of Redbull and coffee* Super smart and helps draw the blueprint for the new engineering building. Roomies with Bruce! Tony was in a frat for a bit his freshmen year but hated it and wanted real friends (Throws better parties anyway) met Bruce and all the other avengers during a 1301 intro class. Pulls women like no tomorrow. On the presidents list every semester and tutors math for free on the side. He is basically the Dad in STEM. Tries hitting on Natasha but she is just like :/ nah, when her and bruce start dating tony is surprised because bruce is his "quiet little cinnamon roll." Tony constantly teases bruce and is like "yall fuckin (;" Steve butts in "tONY PLZ I JUST WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE" Bruce is thankful for steves intervention. You know how he rivals Steves Criminal Justice club? He butts heads with Business Clubs leader (Pepper) until everyone catches them together at a party. Has a caffeine addiction. Works out with Thor and Bucky one day in the rec and almost dies.
Bruce: Physics and Engineering double major (Hardworking KING) In math club with Vision and Wanda. He loves being roomies with Tony because it helps him out of his shell. Likes to draw with Steve sometimes and enjoys the quiet. Doesn't procrastinate and gets things done in a timely manor. 4.0 icon we all strive to be. Him and Nat already know each other, but bond and get a lot closer while studying in the library and they eventually start dating. He takes her coffee when she works across campus and is always almost late to class because of that (He doesn't care though bc thats his BABY) "Um.. Bruce your class is in 5 minutes" "Okay and?.....Wait I have an ex-" *Sprints to his building* Takes boxing at night with Thor, Bucky, Sam and Steve!!! Loves sparring with Thor and can surprisingly take the big buy on pretty well. Gets his butt kicked by Natasha in a MMA class though.
Natasha: Majors in Criminal Justice and Minors in Psychology. Ballet club AND MOCK TRIAL!! Has a Job at the Criminal Justice Deans office and takes MMA classes on the side. She is on Mock Trial with Loki and they actually get along quiet well once they stop butting heads about the case. Introduces Sam and Wanda to dance and they have so much fun. Coffee dates with Bruce!! Her and Steve become RAs in the following years and are the coolest RAs you know. Prefers night classes, Bruce walks her to all of them. Psychology classes are her favorite and really wants to help children one day. Volunteers at a daycare during breaks. Sis can really out drink Tony and Thor. Puts Wanda under her wing and helps her with fafsa and what not. Her and Bucky get the Russian language credit by simply testing out. Has her sh!t together and while she has a lot on her plate she can take it. She is really the Mom of the group. Can be found dancing or with Bruce. Her and Clint are icons in psychology classes.
Clint: Deaf Studies with education minor! (we stan deaf clint in the comics) In the Archery club and wins nationals for the Uni. Loves to draw with Steve. Helps Bruce ask Natasha out! PRANK ICON! loves to do prank wars with tony, bucky, loki and sam. Was in the same frat with Tony but hated it as well. While he seems to have a more reserved demeanor he is still the life of the party. (Like he knows people at the clubs ya know?) Can get in anywhere and helps everyone rent out a club for the night in celebration of midterms being over. Loves reading in the library and loves morning classes and being productive early in the day. Cracks Tonys netflix and hulu passwords (no tony... tonyr0cks69 is not good enough) Wants to teach at a school for the Deaf. Bruce sets him up with a girl from engineering and that is his future wife.
Thor: Physical Education major and Communications minor! Here on a football scholarship and is in a frat (not the asshole one tony was in) and is a partying ICON. Tries to get Loki to party but Loki just wants to drink wine with the cat he snuck into his dorm. Learns Sign from Clint to prepare for his career in education. Loves working out with Bucky, Sam and Steve. Takes up boxing during football off season and spars with Bruce. Despite being everyones fav himbo he gets really good grades and is a very good writer. Loki dorms across the hall from him. Thor actually rooms with Peter. Peter is the freshman baby and Thor takes peter under his wing and introduces him to everyone and helps him with college stuff in general. Also hooks him up with MJ and brings him to the occasional boxing session. Has a loud booming laughter you can hear in all floors of the library when he sees a funny meme. One time he actually makes a very good point and notices a flaw in one of Tony and Bruces projects leaves everyone stunned. Picks on Loki in big brother fashion. Unironically calls weed the devils lettuce.
Loki: Pre-Law and Criminal Justice. LOVES to argue. (Devils advocate ass) In Mock Trial and Criminal Justice Club. Tony jokingly calls him steves sexy secretary in CJ club. Loves Mock Trial and is the president with Nat as his right hand woman. Sneaks a cat he found at the shelter into his dorm and names it muffin. Stays in the Library writing or going over cases. The one time he was taking Natasha a copy of the Mock Trial case packet and caught her and bruce smooching. (He screeched) "Haha funny joke yall heres the case packet BYE." He automatically texts the group chat "i think nAT AND BRUCE HAVE SOME TEA FOR US HMM". Lets Peter and Bruce come over to his dorm because he knows their roommates can get a little too much sometimes. Loki also becomes an avid twitter user and thats how he gains popularity on campus. (He called the uni out for their awful and expensive parking) Was able to convince the Dean with tony and steve to create a new parking lot. Caffeine addict!!! Him and Tony always bump into each other at the coffee shop. Brings baked goods to meet ups with the gang. Loves to play pranks (especially on Tony) Him and Bucky come up with a genius prank on him and even get pepper involved. Best dressed on campus and is in the fashion club. He is the embodiment of dark academia.
Sam: Criminal Justice Major with Aerospace Engineering minor. Gets introduced to Bucky and Steve during move in and they literally become brothers. Is both in Criminal Justice Club and Engineering Club. In the Historically Black Frat on campus and takes huge pride in that. Parties with tony and thor BIG TIME. Procrastinates by throwing paper airplanes at Bucky until Bucky is like "Um...dude your paper is due in like two hours." At that moment Sam got into work faster than he ever had. Loves gossip sessions with Loki and Wanda. Works out a lot with Bucky, Steve and Thor to get rid of stress. When he and Bucky finish a final they go to loki's dorm and ask "Hey can we see your cat." Helps prep food for friends-giving and decorates the dorm for holidays. HATES 8ams so so so much. Steve promises him pancakes if he gets up and goes. Binge watches shows during weekends and screams when Destiel is finally canon. Loves running and gets a Track Scholarship when Thor gets him to join a sport. Gets Peter to join track.
Bucky: criminal justice major and psychology minor. Buck is also in ballet club with Nat, it really helps him relax and gives him a free space to think (also he runs that shit like no ones business) Criminal justice club as well and LOVES to work out and box. One time Sam accompanies him to ballet and Bucky pushes Sam into a split... the scream was heard for miles. "Sam ballet is good for athletes it helps w-" "Yeah but its not good for my balls" Doesn't willingly procrastinate but once in awhile he will forget an assignment, you best believe his eyes will snap open from his nap and get to work asap. For one of his psyche labs he had to question Steve as if he were Steve's therapist to which Steve responds "Hey bro you dont have to hit a nerve that deep" He also likes to do dance with peter since it helps him get away from Thor for a bit. Not a big partier but once the weight of finals are off his chest you best believe he will go all out. Picks on Nat and says hes gonna steal her man, to which tony interjects and says "Not if I do first" Bucky also has a very comfy dorm, comfy lighting and tons of pillows, the man loves his sleep... and so does everyone else. Sometimes he finds peter, sam, THOR, tONY EVERYONE just napping in his bed before their study time. Overall, bucky is a smart boy and his time in college is kind to him.
Wanda: English Major and Education Minor. After being an orphan Wanda knows what it feels like to not have a parental figure there and she wants to change that for other kids by becoming an english teacher. She volunteers at an orphanage, specifically the one her and pietro were in for a brief moment when they came to the states. She loves to draw as well and takes plenty of art classes with steve. She paints a portrait of the entire gang and gives it to tony as a graduation present (he cried). She loves to do volunteer work for children and also spend a lot of time in the library, She helped Nat calm down before Bruce asked her out. Her and Loki are in constant competition for best dressed. "Loki ill let you win best dressed but you have to let me see your cat" "ugh fine... btw your shirt doesnt match your boots" "hEY" Her and Peter take alot of intro classes together and are constantly running around craft stores trying to get the right stuff for projects. Visits Vision at his Job on Campus and he visits her where she volunteers and eventually they start dating. She is constantly getting visited by pietro at 4am asking "Um do you have milk" "Pietro its 4am what do you ne-" "my OREOS"
Pietro: Track star business major, frat ICON with Thor. poor boy is STRESSED he hates college and is here on a track scholarship, constantly late and running around getting shit done. Queen of late assignments but still gets them graded because he is in Track. Yeah he has alot on his plate but he still parties with thor for hours. When he is drowning in assignments Clint is always there to help him, Bruce also helps him with biology and the more science-y classes. Likes to mess around and race sam at track practice. Not into coffee but will run on all the monster energy drinks you could possibly buy. Seriously is tired of 8 a.m courses, he just wants to nap after practice. Walks into the study room that everyone was in and actually looks more sleep deprived than tony. He gets a lot of tips from steve on how to have an easier time in college and it really helps him.
Vision: Grad student working on a civil engineering masters and a TA. Meets Wanda in the library and she asks him where the biographies are. He mistakenly says they are on the 2nd floor "Uh theyre actually on the third" "Then why did you ask?" "Cause I wanted to talk to you :)" He swooned. Through Wanda he met Tony and Bruce and became their best friend, He helped out a lot with engineering club and got them far. He spends a lot of time doing research for his masters degree, he loves relaxing with the group on weekends and picks on pietro as if he is already apart of the family. Him and Loki bond over intellectual conversations from time to time. Bruce and Nat go on double dates with him and Wanda. Went to a bar once with tony and bruce and had to stop tony from singing Queens entire discography, he had the best night that night. Helps everyone with getting into jobs and into grad school in general while everyone helps him let loose and have some fun.
Peter: Peter is a Physics major and eventually works his way up to biochemistry. (hardworking icon) He is the freshman baby of the group and is introduced to them through Thor. He dances with Buck and Nat sometimes as well. Tony obviously takes peter under his wing and helps him with assignments. One time everyone was in the same study room and him and pietro have a redbull shot gunning challenge. When Peter wins Thor picks him up and almost yeets the poor boy into the ceiling. "VERY WELL DONE YOUNG PARKER YOU SHOULD BE DOING THAT WITH BEER IN NO TIME." "Thor plz" Tony and Thor help him ask MJ out and even spy on them during a dinner date. (Imagine thor with sunglasses and a scarf around his head pretending to be tonys date) He feels so accepted in college because of the gang and gets all his work done on time. Goes out of his way to get everyone christmas presents and is so excited for friendsgiving. Becomes a little stressball during finals and midterms and stays in the library till it closes. He spots loki alot in there and helps loki with science classes while loki helps him with political science classes. He meets MJ through wanda and is obviously blushing the whole time while being introduced. Gets embarrassed when the guys flirt with aunt may. "guys plz stop" This is when Sam earns his "milf hunter" nickname. "Pete hows your aunt?" "She doesnt want you sam i-" its not like that... actually it is like that"
Coulson: Alumni Icon. Is the gangs Intro professor and is the reason why everyone meets eachother. (the class was chaotic indeed) Coulson loved that class so much and he still gets visited by everyone from time to time. He is obviously close with Nick. They were there that night when Tony was signing Queen at the bar and couldnt help but laugh.
Nick Fury: Dean for criminal justice and is heavily involved with criminal justice club and mock trial. He is tired of everyones shit as always. Makes a tiktok account for the criminal justice club and has no idea how to manage social media so gets Loki to help. Has to delete it when Loki commented "hah losers" on the engineering tiktoks page. He looks intimidating but in his office he has a picture with the club and has all the gifts he gets on display. (He even framed lokis comment because it was hilarious afterall)
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sun-summoning · 4 years
Text
"Nine Months” Summary: Zuko’s having a baby. A baby dragon, that is. Note: Shameless Zutara. Ignores all finale kisses. 
i.
Zuko isn’t at all tipsy when he sneaks into the room his coronation gifts are stored and begins trifling through everything. And why should he be sneaking, he wonders, not at all drunkenly stumbling into the chest of sacred scrolls someone had given him. He groans as he bends forward to rub his knee. Then he loses his balance and nearly falls flat on his face. 
Fortunately, Katara is there to stop him, catching his shoulders and helping him stand straight. “You okay there, Fire Lord?”
He tries to focus on her but mostly goes cross-eyed. As the three Katara’s wave their hands in his face, he thinks he might throw up. If he threw up on her, she’d probably be furious. Especially because that would mean he ruined her dress. Perhaps she could bend it away? Was vomit-bending a thing?
“I’m fine,” Zuko replies. “I’m the Fire Lord.”
“Oh, I heard. Today was your coronation, after all.” 
His coronation! Zuko perks up, now remembering why he asked Katara to play ninja with him again and sneak into the room the servants brought all the gifts into. Sokka didn’t look all that impressed with the term “play ninja”, but since Sokka was the one challenging him into a drinking contest, he wasn’t really in a position to fight. He was so far gone that Suki had to bring him back to his room. 
“Why did we need to sneak in here?” Katara asks. “You’re the Fire Lord. Can’t we just waltz in?”
“But I don’t want to waltz.”
“That’s not what I--”
“Oh, swords!” 
Zuko runs to the set of broad swords Master Piandao gifted him like Sokka on a shopping spree. He draws out both blades and Katara is quick to grab his hands and make him put them back down.
“You said we were here for an egg?”
“Right.”
Zuko puts the swords back on their decorative stand with only a small pout. When he remembers the reason he came here, he rummages around the piles of presents. He finds a few more weapons that peace time will only allow him to admire and not use. He finds scrolls that will bore him and scrolls that might actually interest him. He even finds some pieces of jewelry that he assumes are supposed to go to the future Fire Lady but that he’ll offer to Katara instead. Not that he assumes she’ll be the Fire Lady, of course--
“I think I found it!”
Zuko rushes over to her side, nearly knocking her over in the process. Katara has to balance both of them as Zuko leans over the box she opened and marvels at the dragon egg. He reaches in to pick it up, but Katara grabs his wrist.
“Are you sure you want to pick that up right now?” Katara asks. “You’re a little, well, inebriated.”
“I was literally just playing with the swords.”
“Yes, but if you stab yourself, I can heal you. Whereas if you drop the priceless fossilized dragon egg, that’s it.”
Zuko decides that he’s heard her warning, respects it, and isn’t going to listen. He plucks the egg out of its box and holds it delicately enough. The shell is surprisingly smooth for the scales that line it. Like virtually everything in the Fire Nation, they’re a deep red, but at certain angles the scales flash gold. Zuko turns it slowly, amazed that something barely bigger than his head could grow into the majestic beasts he met with Aang months ago. He lowers his hands to put the egg back into its case, but pauses when he feels a beat.
“Huh?”
Zuko frowns. He brings the egg closer to face, looking for something but unsure of what. The egg pulses in his hands, as if burning with life. Zuko’s hands begin to shake, so he places the egg back in the chest it came in.
“Katara?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t think that dragon egg is a fossil.”
-
ii.
Zuko tracks down the gift giver, an eccentric old merchant that was old friends with his uncle. He explains that the egg truly had been a fossil for dozens of years, sitting in one of his smaller warehouses as a lump of black rock that he held onto for sentiment’s sake. However, that warehouse caught fire during the day Zuko returned to the Fire Nation to claim his rightful place, and among the ashes, he found the egg restored, ready to hatch after nine months. Considering it an auspicious sign, he simply knew the dragon egg would need to be given to the new Fire Lord.
The next day, Zuko announces his impending fatherhood to the rest of his friends. 
Sokka is quick to pick up the knife he’d been using on his breakfast before Katara explains that Zuko is having a dragon baby, not a human one. 
“Oh.” Sokka sits back down. “Wait. What? A dragon?”
“A dragon,” Zuko confirms.
Aang looks ecstatic. “That’s so cool, Zuko! When your dragon gets big, you guys can race me and Appa!”
Toph punches Aang’s shoulder. “No way! The first thing that dragon is doing is taking me on my life-changing field trip.” She scowls at Zuko’s general direction. “I’m still waiting, you know.”
“I think Zuko needs to focus on, you know, reforming the Fire Nation, Toph,” Katara points out.
Toph sighs dramatically. “You’ve really changed, Sparky. How dare you.”
Later at dinner, Sokka tells them that he spent the day in the library. That isn’t much of a surprise to anyone because Sokka absolutely loves the palace library and often only leaves when he’s told it’s time to eat.
“I was reading about dragons today,” he explains. “Did you know you have tons of books about dragons?”
Zuko did not. “Of course I did.”
“Well, okay, so where’s the egg?”
“Still with the other gifts?”
“Zuko!” 
Sokka stands with a small shriek. He takes off running. The rest of them resume eating until a few minutes later, Sokka returns with the egg and a long length of cloth that may or may not have been a banner.
“Sokka!” Katara yells. “Don’t run with the egg! What if you dropped it?!”
Sokka ignores his sister and deposits the egg in Toph’s lap. “Here, hold it.”
“Yeah, that sounds safe,” she grumbles.
“I’ll hold it!” Aang says.
“No!” Toph folds over where the egg sits. “It’s mine!”
“No fair!” Aang pouts as he turns to Katara. “Katara, Toph isn’t sharing!”
Katara sighs and tells them to take turns.
Meanwhile, Sokka succeeds in making Zuko stand with his arms outstretched. As he works, he explains that the books all said that the egg needed to stay warm at almost all times, meaning Zuko would need to use his natural body heat to take care of his future dragon. Sokka proceeds to wrap the cloth around his middle and shoulders, leaving a small pocket on Zuko’s chest. As Toph finally agrees to let Aang have a turn holding the dragon egg, Sokka plucks it away and tucks it against Zuko.
“Behold, the Dragon Daddy...Carrier...Thing.” Sokka holds his arms out as he shows Zuko’s new look off to their friends. Everyone regards Zuko in his formal attire with a dragon egg strapped against his chest. “Super manly, am I right?”
Katara crosses her arms, utterly unimpressed. “There’s nothing manly about it.”
Sokka glares at her and Zuko looks positively offended.
She rolls her eyes. “What I mean is that women have been doing that for centuries, Sokka. You’re hardly a genius.”
“But I’m still manly right?” Zuko asks.
“Sure?”
They resume dinner and Sokka regales them with all that he’s learned about dragons. When they’re done, Aang reminds everyone that he still didn’t get a chance to hold the dragon egg. 
Zuko says he can have his turn after dessert.
-
iii.
On rare occasions, Zuko is told that he cannot bring his egg into particular meetings. His advisors are generally accepting of this minor eccentricity, but he knows when to pick his battles, and relents. After all, some other attendees might not take him seriously with a sling strapped across his abdomen. During those moments, Zuko entrusts his egg with Katara. 
Katara looks significantly less weird with the egg held against her body. She’s still too young to be a mother, but she certainly looks like one like that. And it doesn’t help that she’s flanked by Aang and Toph who are both touching the egg and commenting on how the scales feel.
When he’s done for the day, he heads their way. Toph notices him first, turning her head in his general direction. Aang and Katara see him next, the former waving excitedly while the latter smiles in that way that makes Zuko’s heart skip a beat.
“Thanks,” Zuko says when he’s in front of them, “for, um, watching my egg.”
“That sounded weird.” Katara makes a face. “I hated that entire sentence.”
“Well how else am I supposed to say it, Katara?”
Her lips twitch in amusement and Zuko can’t help but smile back. He wracks his brain for something clever or maybe even flirtatious. Naturally, he comes up short.
Aang breaks the silence and eye contact though by tugging Zuko’s sleeve. “Hey Zuko, next time you need to look like a super serious Fire Lord--”
“I am a super serious Fire Lord.”
“--can I eggsit? I’ll be super responsible, I promise! And I can actually firebend, so I can be warm for the egg too!”
Zuko considers Aang’s hopeful grin while also considering that he and Toph thought it’d be a great idea to airbend a pair of ostrich-horses onto the roof for a race. There was nothing responsible about that. Toph couldn’t even see! Aang could be trusted with restoring balance and taking bending away from bad people, sure, but eggsitting Zuko’s future dragon? No way.
“Aang, yesterday you made a mini cyclone in the garden.”
“Yeah, but that’s because Sokka wanted to see what it’d look like on a smaller scale than the ocean.”
“That...no. No, you don’t get to eggsit.”
“Boo!” Aang crosses his arms and pouts. “Fine. I guess only Katara gets to hold your egg.”
Zuko frowns. “Yeah, I hated that entire sentence.”
-
iv.
Every few weeks, Toph confirms that the dragon is indeed a healthy thing. With the egg on the ground and her hands holding it in place, she tells Zuko that it has a regular, steady heartbeat. Of course, she doesn’t really know how a dragon’s heart should beat. For all she knew, it wasn’t actually beating at the proper rate and the dragon was doomed.
“Nah,” Sokka says. He begins tapping the floor. “It should be like this.”
Katara raises an eyebrow. “How would you even know that?”
“I read about it.”
“You read about dragon heartbeats?” Katara frowns. “I don’t think that’s a thing.”
“It’s absolutely a thing!”
Zuko drowns them out as he picks the egg up from where it sits before Toph and carefully tucks it back into his sling. His hands rest upon it while Aang leans in close to marvel at it too. 
“Man, this is so awesome, Zuko!” he exclaims.
“Yeah.”
“A dragon. For the new Fire Lord.”
“Yeah.”
“And--” Aang pauses. He rises to get a better look at Zuko’s face. “Are you...crying?”
“Of course not!” Zuko bites out. “There’s just something in my eyes!”
Toph snorts. “Yeah, alright.” 
She makes a joke about how Zuko does this every time she checks the heartbeat, while Aang suggests maybe using waterbending to see if it’ll be a boy dragon or a girl dragon. Toph laughs and says Zuko won’t be able to hide his crying if that happens. Zuko carefully blinks back tears before he snaps back at them for being right.
-
v.
Zuko joins his uncle for tea in the afternoon. His uncle has been busy with the efforts to reestablish peace, and they certainly still have more work ahead of them, but Zuko is happy to have him home again.
“I’ve heard rumours, nephew, that you have...secured your legacy.”
Zuko nods. He will never share the legacy of the Fire Lords before him, conquerors and tyrants alike. No, Zuko will be the bringer of peace and its champion too. He will teach kindness and compassion. He will restore culture, reform education, and continue to reinvent to match his people’s needs.
“Yes, uncle.”
“That’s good to hear.” Iroh pauses. “However, you are not married.”
“I...am not, uncle.”
“Perhaps--”
“There you are!” 
Zuko looks up to find Katara entering the room. In her arms is the dragon egg that he’d dropped off to her that morning because of some commitments. 
“Hey,” Zuko says, letting Katara’s settle the egg in his lap.
Katara then ignores him and decorum by rushing over to his uncle’s side. 
“Iroh!” she greets. “It’s so good to see you!”
“It is good to see you as well, Master Katara.” When she draws away, Iroh examines her up and down and then frowns. He quickly covers that up with a smile though. “Please, won’t you join us for tea?”
“I’d love to, but I promised I’d help Aang with some stuff. Are you free tomorrow morning?”
“For you, Master Katara, I will be.”
Katara laughs and sets a time before making her way out again. When she’s gone, Iroh looks at Zuko and stays silent.
“What?” Zuko asks. 
“It’s nothing.”
“Clearly it’s something.”
Iroh purses his lips, as if unsure if he should say what’s on his mind.
Zuko doesn’t understand why he suddenly seemed so disappointed. Zuko had just confirmed that he would no longer carry on their family’s legacy of destruction. Shouldn’t that make his uncle happy? But instead he saw Katara and looked sad. This was obviously Katara’s fault then. Katara’s fault for being--
Zuko stills. He looks down at his tea and then back up at his uncle’s solemn face. He exhales and finds angry steam coming out of his nostrils.
“Uncle,” he begins slowly, because he is a kind Fire Lord and kind Fire Lords don’t lose their temper with people, even gossiping uncles. “Were you under the impression that I...and Katara...” Zuko’s features contort into a scowl. He refuses to even say the words. “Uncle!”
“Now, now. You must forgive an old man for chatting with old friends over pai sho, nephew.”
“About my love life?!”
“But of course.” Iroh grins. “It is a very popular topic all over the world.”
“Uncle, please!”
-
vi.
As an ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe, Katara’s stays in the Fire Nation are long, but not permanent. She spends her last evening there with Zuko and the dragon egg.
“Based on everything we’ve read, the egg shouldn’t hatch for another three months.”
“That’s right.”
“I’ll only be gone for two months.”
“Correct.”
“I’m going to be back on time for the birth.”
“I know you will.”
“I’m going to be so upset if I miss it...”
“Don’t worry,” Zuko reassures. “Druk will wait for you.”
Katara grins. She likes the name he picked. She knows he spent a lot of time poring over a list of names of the dragons that used to be partnered with members of the royal family. The original Druk belonged to a Fire Lord from centuries ago whose reign was one of peace and prosperity. He was a huge patron of the arts and Love amongst the Dragons was written in his time. 
“Take care of yourself while I’m gone, okay?”
“Obviously.”
“Make sure you eat three meals a day.”
“I already do that!”
“Because I make you!”
“I missed a meal one time--”
“Yeah, per day!” She pokes his shoulder. “And make sure you sleep.”
“I will.”
“I mean it. I’ll know if you don’t.”
“Yeah? How will you manage that, waterbender?” 
The question comes out more coyly than he ever would have intended. And calling her anything other than her name has always seemed more flirtatious than intended. Granted, maybe he did intend it. Zuko smirks for effect, hoping he seems as cool to her as he wants to be. 
Katara narrows her eyes, lifting her chin a fraction and crossing her arms and--
Agni, it was happening. 
They were officially flirting. 
Zuko willed his beating heart to be still.
“I have my ways,” she drawls with a little grin of her own. But that soon fades into sadness. “I’m going to miss you, Zuko.”
Zuko nods. He’s going to miss her too. Katara has been around since he defeated Azula. He got used to her presence when they were still fighting in the war and he became at home with it during their stay in the Fire Nation. 
“Zuko...”
Katara leans forward and Zuko’s heart begins to race. Actually, it was already racing. Now it’s just beating ridiculously fast. This might actually be a health hazard, Zuko realizes. Perhaps Katara wasn’t good for him after all if she was going to make his heart go crazy and make his stomach hurt in that weird, stupid fluttering way all the time. Her lips twitch, puling into a pucker, and Zuko knows this is it. 
This is it. 
He closes his eyes, ready as if he hasn’t been ready for months now, and then--
Nothing.
He blinks, confused, and catches the back of Katara’s head as she stands back up and grins sheepishly. She pats the dragon egg strapped to his chest.
“I had to give Druk a kiss goodbye,” she explains.
“Right,” Zuko mumbles. “Druk.”
He tries not to pout. Really, he does. But apparently he doesn’t try hard enough because soon Katara is giggling. She reaches up, one hand cupping his cheek as her thumb brushes his skin.
“I’m going to miss you,” she tells him.
“I’m going to miss you too.”
Her gaze flickers to his lips and he watches the way she swallows nervously. Deciding it’s now or never, Zuko leans in, and is pleased when Katara meets his lips half way. It’s a bit of an awkward lean considering the dragon egg between them, but Zuko wouldn’t change a thing. He kisses her softly, unwilling to rush what he knows is going to be a good thing. 
Eventually they draw apart and Katara smiles shyly. “Will you see me off in the morning? Well, Ninja Zuko, not Fire Lord Zuko.”
Zuko nods, still a bit breathless. “Of course.”
-
vii.
Fire Lord Zuko’s less than standard choice of outfit is expected at this point. Gone is the initial sash Sokka made when they first realized the egg needed to be held at all times. He has new ones in a variety of colours. Some have even been gifted to him by other dignitaries on their visits, so Zuko has half a dozen shades of green. Today he wears the yellow one that Aang so eagerly gave him the other month. 
He looks ridiculous, therefore he stands out. And because he stands out, it makes an attempt on his life that much easier.
Of course, Zuko has the best guards in the entire world, and his attackers are dealt with swiftly.
Panicking, Zuko unwraps the yellow silk and carefully inspects the dragon egg. He frets until he finishes. 
“He’s okay,” Zuko breathes in relief.
“Good,” Suki says, “because I don’t think you were the target.”
“What do you mean?”
Suki nods to the egg. “They were aiming for that.”
“Druk?”
“Great.” Mai sighs as she looks up at the ceiling. “He already named it.”
“Of course I did!”
“I think Druk is a great name, Zuko!” Ty Lee says. 
Suki continues searching the room with her two new recruits. “Why would someone want to assassinate a dragon?” 
“Why wouldn’t they?” Mai turns to Zuko and finds him rewrapping the yellow silk around his body to cradle his dragon egg close. “A new Fire Lord supported not only by the Avatar, but by a dragon. No propaganda can beat that in the Fire Nation, especially when you started walking around with the real thing. They probably think you’ve been chosen by the spirits.”
“But dragons are extinct, Mai,” Ty Lee points out.
“So, what, that’s a toucan puffin then?”
“If someone wants Zuko out of the way,” Suki muses, “they know they need to get rid of that dragon before it’s born.”
“Exactly.”
Zuko rises, scowling in his Fire Lord regalia and the sling wrapped around him. Fire shoots out out of Zuko’s clenched fists. He might look absurd, but his expression is fearsome as he all but growls, “They can try.” 
-
viii.
Katara returns a few days earlier than expected. Maybe the tides had been kind to her ship. Maybe there was a master waterbender on board. Who knew. Fire Lord Zuko requests the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador join him for dinner, which she arrives to after a long day of napping. 
Zuko feels a weight lifted off his shoulders when he sees her again. She’s safe, she’s healthy, and if that smile is anything to go by, she’s happy too.
She tells him all about how much they’ve done to restore things to how they were back when she was a girl, along with all the other innovations Sokka’s bringing about. She talks about her grandmother’s cooking, her father’s leadership, and her brother’s antics. Tomorrow will include more official topics about the Tribe’s needs, but tonight is for catching up.
“I guess you enjoyed your stay,” Zuko mumbles, happy for her.
“Definitely. But if I’m being honest, towards the end I...” She meets his eyes for a moment, something akin to longing in her gaze, before she looks down at her plate. She shrugs. “I started to miss it here towards the end.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I really like swimming. And surfing. And...stuff.”
Zuko clears his throat. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want, you know. Permanently, even!”
“That’s not really how ambassadors work, Zuko.”
“Yeah. I know. Maybe in, um, a different capacity?”
“What do you mean?”
“Uh...”
A voice that sounds suspiciously like his uncle’s says Fire Lady, but Zuko will never ever say that to her face. Yeah, he’s probably in love with her. Oh, how he’s in love with her. And he’s vaguely positive Katara has feelings for him too. And they kissed before! But Zuko could never ask that of her right now. 
“I don’t know,” he says to save himself. He doesn’t do a good job, but Katara doesn’t push the topic.
“There’s still a lot of work to do,” Katara eventually replies.
Zuko manages not to groan at the understatement.  
“Here in the Fire Nation, but around the world too. These past few years have taught me that the world is wide and that I’m in a unique position to be helpful. If I don’t use what I’ve learned to help people in need...that just seems irresponsible.” She grins. “But I’ll come back. I’m always going to come back.”
“Wouldn’t you want to go...home?”
“Of course I’ll visit the South Pole, but...” She shrugs. “Home is very spread out now,” she explains with a small laugh. “Aang and Toph are going back to the Earth Kingdom after Druk is born, Sokka is already back with the Tribe, Suki is going back to Kyoshi when she’s done here, and, well, you’re here, Zuko.”
“I’m...home?”
Katara blinks, taken aback. “Did you think you weren’t?”
Zuko doesn’t say anything, too rattled by the admission, too overwhelmed by its meaning. Katara considered him home. Katara held him at the same esteem as people as precious to her as her family. Katara wanted to come back to him. Katara considered him someone worth coming back to.
“And now home is this guy too.” She rests her palm upon the dragon egg, dangerously close to his pounding heart.
Zuko’s hand rises on its own, settling gently over Katara’s. She looks up at him, startled, and he takes a breath.
“Katara, this is my home. It kind of has to be. But it’s, um, better when you’re here.”
“O--oh.” 
Katara’s hand shakes. Or maybe it’s his hand shaking and he’s affecting her too. It doesn’t matter though, because Katara turns hers over and laces her fingers through his. She holds his hand and she smiles. 
Agni, he loved her smile. Agni, he loved her.
His hand begins to grow sweaty. “Uh,” he self-consciously coughs. “Do you want to hold Druk?” Zuko pulls his hand away and rubs the back of his neck. “It’s been a while for you.”
Katara opens her arms to him and his dragon baby. “I’d love to.”
-
ix.
The first crack comes some time after midnight when Zuko is reading a report from the ever-growing stack in his office, with the egg nestled in his crossed legs. Zuko looks down, but doesn’t really see anything strange, so he keeps reading. But a moment later, the egg begins to shake. Eyes wide, Zuko finds himself frozen.
The egg wobbles as the single fracture on the side begins to grow like a web.
“Katara!” he hisses. “Katara!”
In this moment, he’s grateful she deigned to linger in his office and read those trashy romance scrolls Ty Lee shared with her. 
“What is it--oh!” Katara sucks in a sharp breath when she notices the way the egg moves. She rushes to his side and kneels down. “Is it--”
“It is!” Zuko, unable to move with the leg in his lag, grabs her hand. “What am I supposed to do?”
“I--I don’t know! I’ve only delivered babies!”
“This is a baby!”
“A dragon baby, Zuko!”
They both yelp when a clawed, red appendage breaks through the cracks.
“It’s...” Zuko reaches out for Katara’s hand, squeezing it as the little dragon inside continues to push his way out. “That’s it, buddy,” Zuko encourages. “You’re doing great.” He feels Katara place her free hand on his shoulder. She tells him to breath because at some point he stopped. He doesn’t do a good job listening though, so she begins to loudly inhale and exhale so that he can follow.
Soon another arm comes through, and one moment later, a little head pops through the top of the egg. 
Zuko makes a noise that might be a sob and lets go of Katara to help peel away the bits of shell stuck of the little dragon’s head. He blinks at Zuko with dazed golden eyes before his mouth opens into something that can only be deemed a yawn.
“Hi Druk,” Zuko whispers, holding his hand out to the little dragon.
Druk slithers out of what’s left of his shell and sniffs Zuko’s hand. He’s just a bit bigger than a newborn turtle duck, so it’s not a problem when he settles on Zuko’s awaiting palm.
Amazed, Zuko turns to Katara with the widest smile she’s ever seen on his face. “He likes me!” He begins to laugh as Druk crawls up his arm and over his head to the other shoulder. He presses his head against Zuko’s cheek and nuzzles him.
Katara rolls her eyes fondly. “Of course he does. I’m sure he recognizes that you’re the one who kept his egg warm for nine--”
She yelps when Druk takes advantage of Katara’s hand still on Zuko’s back, using that arm as a bridge to climb on her shoulder. His claws are tugging at her hair, albeit only lightly, and soon he’s rubbing his little head against her chin. 
“He likes you too!” 
Reminded of Zuko, Druk’s golden eyes snap back open and he leaps off of Katara and into Zuko’s lap. Fortunately, he’d had the sense to push the empty shell away when Druk was climbing around. Druk circles the space of his lap before finally curling up and settling down.
Utterly amazed, Zuko gathers his resting son into his arms and stands. He’ll need to prepare a place for Druk, but Katara says she’ll take care of that for now.
“Spend time with your newborn, Fire Lord.” 
At the window, Zuko considers showing Druk all that the light touches, but realizes it’s night and so he should wait until tomorrow. He laughs, still utterly astonished by this turn of events, and silently thanks the man who gifted him with the egg at his coronation. Druk twitches and resettles in his arms. He yawns and then he huffs with a little burst of fire escaping his mouth. 
Zuko looks down at Druk with adoration and excitement in his eyes. 
“I have a dragon.”
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Update and story time:
I thought I would pass along an update to you guys. My sickness did not start off great. It started on Monday morning and very rapidly progressed by Tuesday afternoon. I was unable to eat or drink anything for 3 days because my throat was incredibly swollen. I couldnt even swallow my own spit so I would wake up every 5 minutes gagging, so I eventually stopped sleeping.
I went to Urgent Care and they gave me the diagnosis of incredibly Enlarged Tonsils and they gave me antibiotics and steroids to take to treat it. (This was on Tuesday night). The next morning I woke up and I couldn't talk. That is how swollen my throat became. I was no longer able to take my pills because they were too big. I was able to breathe, but it was hard. After a brief consult with a doctor he said to take the steroids immediately and go from there. (The steroids were the size of a literal crumb and it was still a struggle). He also said if it didn't help to go to the ER to get an IV bag because it had already been 2 days without food or water. I spent the rest of Wednesday literally hoping the steroids would kick in and help...they did not.
That night at around 2am I decided I wouldn't sleep because I was scared of gagging every 20 seconds. I spent the next 4hrs just curled in a ball against my desk on the floor spitting in a trashcan and listening to music to keep calm. (I'm am a 25yo male, over 6'3 and decently built, not scared of anything beyond Spiders and Heights, and I was a nervous wreck)
The next morning (Thursday) I heard my mother wake up and I went to her and begged her to take me to the ER. They took me immediately and quickly got me hydrated with an IV bag. Immediately I felt the effect and it was like I just woke up. I had energy, And I actually had color returning to me. I had lost 7/8 lbs at this point because I couldnt eat or drink.
They kept me in the ER the rest of the day and they gave me a 2nd IV bag and different steroids and antibiotics injected directly into my IV line. Within an hour I could speak. It wasnt that my throat was magically opened, but the one word I was able to say on Wednesday had magically became full sentences on Thursday, even if it was really low volume compared to my usual speaking voice.
They took the Big C-test (negative) and a CAT Scan later on, and that's where things got scary (-er). The CAT scan revealed that just beyond the enlarged tonsils was a 4-inch abscess, which would possibly mean surgery to deal with.
While surgery was unclear, I would need to be transferred to a different hospital 20 minutes away where they were better equipped to deal with my situation. I finally arrived at like 3am (Froday morning) and get all checked in. I get the routine blood draw and vitals stuff and then get told to relax while the specialist finished with his other patients. About 4:30am this guy comes in and was like "we're gonna take care of this right now." And I'm like "....what?"
So he was explaining that he could drain part of the abscess and then let antibiotics and steroids do the rest of it. It sounded like a good plan. I was already in better hands and I was on my way back to normal strength. So we agreed.... and that's when I quickly learned to hate this guy.
I warned him I have an incredibly strong gag reflex, and he said it wouldn't be an issue. He'd put lidocaine (a numbing agent) on my throat and tongue and itd be fine (it wasnt).
So now here I am at almost 5am, after being awake for almost 25 hours at this point, lying on my back with a bright light on my face, 2 nurses and the doctor on all sides and not enough nerves in the world to stop from shaking like a chihuahua on a massage chair in an earthquake. And not just little nervous shaking. They were powerful shakes.
It took one touch and my gag reflex was active. I was gagging the entire time. I threw up. I was screaming and crying. I accidentally bit the main doctor guy because he tried to keep my teeth open for the needle (I refused to apologize). I had such powerful shakes that my mother needed to hold my legs. She hasn't seen me this scared in 20 years when I used to have nightmares every night. And that was only after ONE OF THE TWO drains that needed to be done. I wanted to cry more and vomit and die. I couldnt do that again. But he insisted. I asked if there was a different way. There was no way I could be conscious for this again. I already knew I'd have nightmares from that (and I did last night). But he said there wasnt. So the 2 nurses and my mother braced me as I lay on the bench crying, shaking and gagging, with blood spit and pus coming out of my mouth, while this doctor finished the other draining. It was agonizing. I haven't been this scared in over 15 years. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies. It is like I was in one of those horror movies where a doctor just tortures patients. I wanted to cry and cry.
They soon told me I would be admitted to stay the night and that they would keep me on steroids and antibiotics overnight while they waited for things to improve. I felt asleep after being awake for 28 hours that night. The only thing on my mind was when I would have to drain the rest of the abscess.
When the doctor came in the morning to discuss what was up with the rest of the treatment he basically said "why didnt he put you on morphine or something?" ...I was speechless. So when I brought it up to the next one she said the same thing. As did the next 3... I could've avoided that trauma instead of having to do it like that.
So I ended up not needed to get the remaining abscess drained. The antibiotics and steroids they have had hooked me up to all day has been taking care of it. WITHOUT THE NEED FOR TRAUMA2.0!!! By noon I was drinking water on my own, I was even speaking louder. By 6pm i ate my first solid food since Monday nights dinner (Friday). By 8 I was on the phone with my friends talking like nothing had changed.
So I've been recovering steadily and rapidly. I should be able to leave and go home by tomorrow night. And then I'll be back at 100% shortly after.
I just wanted to thank you guys for all your messages and words of support that I've been getting these last few days, and to take a few minutes to explain what I've been dealing with these last few days. I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for everything you've said. Truly, you guys and gals in this community mean the world to me.
Once I'm home I'll take a little time to get settled and we'll keep going as if this little "unplanned vacation' never happened. Take care and much love to everyone!!!
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thecrimsonacademic · 3 years
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2, 24, 30, 36 for the study asks!
Aw, thanks for asking back, that was sweet of you @mymessystudyblr! I have to put my answers under a "Keep Reading" because I talk too much and this'll get long.
Studyblr Asks
2. What's your major/what do you think you want to major in?
Well, what I wanted to major in is not an option. The program is for a Bachelor's of Liberal Arts, that's literally the only degree option. However, they do allow for some major and minor concentrations from a somewhat small but comprehensive list. Despite this, my original desire is still not offered. I wanted classics but that isn't an option so I will be pursuing a major concentration in literature instead, with a double minor concentration in creative writing & latin. That's the plan for undergrad, it changes for grad school, and again for doctorate school.
24. Describe your perfect study environment.
Ooh, that's a toughy. I don't think I've ever genuinely given this any sort of thought! A room all to myself first and foremost, other people in the room distract me in the worst ways. A good sized whiteboard, decent sized table, comfy chair—but not too comfy! I don't want it to entice me to nap you know?
A nice window for natural light during the day but with shades for privacy and good lighting in the room for night studying. Books lining at least one wall. I just realized I am literally describing my bedroom. I study in my room because it's comfortable, it's private, and everything is mine. I don't have to bug out for anyone else to study in there, I can organize it any way I want and my bed is opposite my desk, so when I run out of desk space I can use my bed as a second. It would be great however, if my family would stop thinking I'm available simply by being in the house, because that's disruptive and also prevents me from being able to put music in my ears.
30. What are you the proudest of out of all the assignments you've ever had?
I truly cannot narrow this down to one. I can give a half dozen that are equally tied and that's going to have to be okay.
I. In a rudimentary science course back in community college days, we had to do a project that involved posterboard and we could pick anything we wanted so long as we related it to science. I chose to show how science influenced the English language when it came to fictional sciences in media. I had to draw the periodic table of fictional elements by hand and that was pain to do. I still have that posterboard.
II. In a math class I did a project on the Fibonacci Sequence (I hate math but love number theory, figure that one out) and I tracked down a fun problem that demonstrates the sequence. If you have a pair of rabbits, and the female gestates for one month and then gives birth to a pair of rabbits, one female and one male, every month, and every female does this, how many pairs of rabbits will you have at the end of a single year?
I solved it two different ways: one using a mathematical proof (I skipped over the entire golden ratio aspect, that was beyond my comprehension at the time and probably still is) which guarantees the correct answer and the second way was solving it entirely by hand. I had the proof in the main part of the posterboard and my sheets of paper done by hand on the sides. It took me like 4 or six pages, several hours and erasings, and by the end of it all—I was off by one measly pair of rabbits. I am very proud of that project. I still have that posterboard as well.
III. In a survey course of the ancient Greeks our professor literally yelled at the entire class (freshman level mind you, give me a break) to "go deeper into the material." He didn't teach anyone on how to write a powerful paper in fewer words; he asked for 5 pages, double spaced and nothing more. We did the best we could with the instructions allotted us. So, after he yelled at a bunch of kids (I was the oldest and already had a degree—2-year degree), I gave him EXACTLY what he wanted:
A five page paper, double spaced, digging very deep into the material, with direct quotes from the Euripidean tragedy (the tragedy was Hecuba—highly recommend). I took screenshots of his essay instructions to back up what I did, and I was 100% prepared to go above his head to the Dean if need be. Not once, not once, did he say what sized font to use. I typed the entire thing in size 8 font. He accepted it and I got an A on the paper. He never yelled at the class again. FYI, he was the head of the department and my advisor. He could have squashed me like a bug.
IV. COVID-19 lockdowns hit spring semester, the last semester I had with my favorite professor in the entire school (same school as Mr. McYelly) before I withdrew permanently. This was a junior level (I was not a junior) Greek Civilization course for history and classics majors. It is still the hardest class I have taken to date. Harder than math even. I loved it, I truly did, but that research paper had me worried. I had not written a research paper in years (I'm older than typical college age) and I really wanted to do it on the parthenon. Before I could send in a request for my topic, she assigned the entire class the same topic to take stress off of us, due to the lockdowns: the parthenon.
I lucked out! I think my paper was over 10 pages but I'm not sure, however, it was the first time I had ever done a cover page or used footnotes. Furthermore, after my works cited page (which was like 3 pages on its own) I had an appendix for images—one of which I had to redraw by hand because it was impossible to scan it into the computer without breaking my antique book. I had to learn how to cite myself and the book at the same time. I got an A on that paper as well. It's uploaded on academia.net.
V. This summer (2021) I took a mandatory academic writing and critical reading course—it's part of the application process. The course had a theme, climate change. I went into the course not caring at all about climate change or even knowing anything about it. I walked out of that class with clearly defined opinions about climate change. My research paper was on the Paris Agreement and I tore that MFer to shreds. 9 pages of actual paper, 17 pages total. I had a very lengthy works cited page and two appendices: one for tables and one for math. It is not on academia.net as of yet, but it will be before the year is out.
VI. This past fall (fall 2020), I took an ancient Greek literature course that nearly ate me alive. It was so hardcore. We had an essay a week, but we're only allowed 500 words and are required to include a quote from the text we're working with, that supported our thesis—and it counted as part of our 500 words. On the one hand, it helped get you closer to 500 words, on the other hand, it meant you had even fewer words for the actual argument itself. O_O We were also required to rewrite at least two of these essays. <- That's an important tidbit for this story.
Our essay question was about Patroklus as therapon (substitute) for Achilles & one of the wedding poems of Sappho (I forget which one specifically). The groom is isos daimon (equal to a god) to Ares and as Achilles' therapon, Patroklos is isos daimon to Ares & Apollo. We had to discuss how the poem affected our understanding of Patroklos' role in the Iliad. I understood none of this in time for the essay. I had about two hours before the submission deadline and I decided, I cannot rewrite a paper that does not exist—I must turn in something, no matter how bad it is.
So, I invented my own essay question and spent 500 words answering that. I used the texts we all had been assigned that week, it was still about Patroklus, but the essay was based on a question that came out of my head and not from the Professor. I turned it in with a note promising that I'd use one of my rewrites on this paper (which I did—the end of the semester I finally understood what he had asked and redid the paper).
He accepted the paper as is, provided feedback on the paper I invented, tried to explain what he meant with the question, and gave me a freaking B on the paper...that I invented. When I rewrote it I got an A, so I did fix it. But still. I got a B on a paper that answered a question my professor didn't ask. That was freaking awesome.
36. Best feedback you've ever gotten on something academic.
Two, this past summer semester my professor stated more than once that my essays were "eloquent" and that is the highest praise I have ever gotten about my writing and it validated the many years of struggle it took to get my Associate's in creative writing.
The other was when my ancient Greek language professor hadn't finished grading everyone's Exam 2 but said, "I've graded a few and given a precursory look over the rest." Then she said, to the whole class that I was the ONLY one who got the A. I shouted for literal joy in the class and nearly gave a heart attack to the girl who sat behind me (who was always on her phone). Our professor then turned to the class (she had been writing on the chalkboard this whole time) and told them all this, "you know why she got the only A? Because she did every single thing on the exam. She did all of the extra credit but she did all of the exam work too. Section 1 I asked for you to translate 7 our of 20 words, she did all 20. She did every single thing, and got very few answers wrong. That is how you get an A in college."
I was stunned. I have never in my entire life been used as an example of how to do something. I have always been used as the example of what not to do. On a separate occasion she announced that I was the top student in the class, not to be mean, but more to put a fire under their butts to work hard and to encourage me. And it did. I've never been first, I've always been last.
I will carry all three of these instances with me for the rest of my life. I won't always be the top student, in fact, that was the only time I was the top student. But, I know if I work hard, I will do well. And my essays are eloquent, and my two year degree was not a waste.
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champhangman · 4 years
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Bleed Into the Night
Title: Bleed Into the Night Part: Five / ? Characters: Hangman Adam Page x OFC Summary: She wasn’t looking. Neither was he. For a brief flash, they found each other. Word Count: 12,222 Warnings: Cursing? Vague medical things in regards to concussions and injuries. Previous: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | A/N: :)  
Tagging:  @adampage / @cowboyshit / @baysexuality / @lilmisswhiskeygypsy /  @bigpixiefoot / @mindofasagittaruis / @kalliravenne / @sadlittlecountess / @baronsbelleevangeline / @brie-mode-activated / @xbreezymeadowsx / @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch / @allizoneme / @heelsamizayn / @what-does-mine-say / @waywardwrestlewritingwaif / @drewshoneybadger  / @mysteryoflovve / @knnyomega / @rampagewriting (I HOPE I got everyone)
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Part Five
Floating.
Falling.
She was doing both. Spinning and watching the ground get closer and closer. Each time she came within an inch of landing, though, the ground disappeared and she began to fall all over again. But after every restart the ground was closer.
Until, suddenly, she slammed into it.
Serena jerked, whimpering as pain rocked through her body. Her head felt as though it were on fire and being squeezed. She tried to reach up, to check it, but her hand wouldn't move. Gasping, she opened her eyes. Tried to turn away from the blinding light.
"Serena?"
She knew that voice. She tried to turn to it, but it was too far away. "Shawn?"
"You're okay, sweetie."
"Light," she croaked, squeezing her eyes shut.
"Hold on." The grip on her hand released. "Don't go back to sleep, honey."
Methodic beeping. She could feel her pulse in her scalp. Could smell antiseptic. The back of her hand was cold, as though someone had placed an ice cube against her skin. "Shawn?"
"I'm right here. The light's off."
The grip returned to her hand. Gentler this time. "Where am I?"
"The hospital. I rang for the nurse, she'll be here to check on you. How you feel?"
She opened her eyes slowly. It was still too bright. And too blurry. But a different blurry from when she didn't have her contacts in. "What?"
"It's okay, Serena…"
Floating. Voices. That steady beeping. Head pounding. The beeping stopped. She heard whispers as she fell to the ground and attempted to call out to them for help but all that came out was a rush of breath as her body landed with a thud.
Shawn again. Her vision cleared enough for her to recognize him standing by her. His raspy voice saying something she couldn't understand above the banging in her head.
Floating.
Slamming.
She jerked, gasping, at the sound of a different voice. She could only make out the tone. Anguish. Other voices, more hushed. Why was he so distressed? Was he upset with her? She had to know. Pushing at the weight lying over her, she frowned when she felt a tug at her hand. She shifted, whining as the movement sent a wave of pain crashing through her head. Blinded with the throbbing, she grabbed at the wire taped to her hand and cried out. Why couldn't she move? Why couldn't she get to him?
A shrieking alarm. Footsteps. An unfamiliar voice, with an unfamiliar face. Gentle hands urging her to lie back. Gloved fingers messing with her hand.
"Is she okay?"
His voice. Clearer now. He was closer. He still sounded so hurt. She frowned. She didn't like him being hurt. "Adam?"
"Serena." It was a gasp. A rush.
Nothing smelled right. She breathed in, tried to catch him. But she couldn't, not until she felt his warm hand on her arm. Then she found his scent. The Pantene shampoo and his deodorant. She moved her eyes over and there he was.
"Serena," he whispered.
She watched him drop down at her bedside. His forehead was creased, his lips turned down into a frown. And his eyes filled with torment. "Adam?"
"You're gonna be okay," he said. Voice as soothing as his hand. "It's okay, baby. It's okay."
Baby? "What are you doing here?"
"Because you are."
"Heart Eyes?" A gentler voice. She recognized it but couldn't look away from Adam. Couldn't stop worrying over the pain in his expression.
"You brought the angel man," she whispered.
Adam's chuckle sounded strangled, like it had caught in his throat. But he still looked sad. She didn't like a sad looking Adam, she decided. He was too beautiful to be sad. Too nice. Too sweet. She lifted her hand, frowning at the tug.
"Hold on." That gentle voice again. Serena hissed as she turned her head to see his face. Kenny leaned to untangle the thin tube, and his smile was one of relief. "How you feeling?"
"Like shit," she whispered.
He patted her arm then backed away. With another hiss, she moved to look at Adam again. Finally able to lift her hand, she brought it to his cheek.
"Hey," she whispered. Talking louder made her head hurt worse. It already felt like elephants were taking turns stepping on it.
"Hey," he whispered back.
There were tears in his eyes. For her? Why was he even there? She frowned. "Did you come all this way because I wouldn't answer your calls?"
"No," he promised, lips twisting into almost a smile. "I came because…"
She felt sleepy and tried to fight it. Tried to keep her hand on his cheek but it was already falling. He caught it between his, and she felt his lips against her knuckles.
And began floating again.
***
"Adam."
He looked up, wincing at the ache in his neck from being bent so awkwardly at Serena's bedside. "Yeah?"
Kenny frowned. "Let's go take a walk, okay? While they examine her."
It was then that Adam saw the other people in the room. He released Serena's hand with care, making sure to uncurl her fingers before pushing himself to his feet. "Sorry," he whispered, shuffling to one side so the doctors and nurses could get to the bed. He stood, looking on, feeling helpless, until one of the nurses yanked the curtain closed. Feeling a hand on his arm, he jumped, looking to Kenny. He still felt helpless. Lost.
"Come on," Kenny said gently, guiding him from the room.
The brightness of the lights in the hallway caused him to squint. A low rumbling sound alerted him to an employee pushing a trash cart, and he nodded dumbly when the man jerked his head in greeting. After the man and the cart had gone, he looked at Kenny.
"You need to rest," his friend said as they began walking down the hallway.
"I'm okay."
"You're dead on your feet."
"I'm better than her," he pointed out, turning quickly when he heard a door open. Seeing one of the nurses come into the hallway, he held his breath, sighing when she plucked a couple of towels from the supply cart next to the door.
"She's gonna be okay. You can't—"
"I know. But I can't go. I can't leave her."
Kenny looked at him sadly. "I'm going to draw on years of knowing you, and letting my own exhaustion tell you something brutally honest."
"Okay?"
"I don't know what she's done to you to make you lose your shit like you have been for the past twenty-four hours, but for the love of all that's good in the world? Fucking tell her it's real to you as soon as she can understand what you're saying."
"I'm planning to," he muttered.
"No you're not, you're planning to just sit there and hold her hand and expect her to figure it out. I know you, Adam. You're not the type to open up unless someone's poking you with a knife."
"I open up to her," he whispered. He had. A little. And each day he was finding that she had chipped away just a tiny bit more at the wall he'd built around himself. "She understands me, Kenny."
"You understand her, too."
He nodded, steps slowing when he saw the glow of a vending machine. Before he could reach into his pocket, Kenny was approaching the machine and feeding money into the slot. Without a word, his friend bought him a soda and handed it over, then they continued their walk. Still silent, they stopped just outside Serena's room. The door was ajar, and Adam wondered what they had found out when they'd done their examination. He knew they wouldn't tell him, which meant he would have to wait until morning to know. It was the waiting that was killing him. The uncertainty. Not knowing for sure if she was really okay.
"You sure you don't want to go to a hotel and crash for a little bit?"
"I'm staying," Adam insisted.
"Okay, okay." Kenny's voice was calm, his expression understanding. "We'll stay, alright?"
"I can't just leave her here alone," he continued. "They won't check on her unless alarms start going off. What if she wakes up and tries to get out of bed? What if she starts pulling at her IVs? What if—"
"Adam," Kenny interrupted. "It's okay. We'll stay."
"You can go," he muttered, scrubbing at his eyes with his hand.
"I'm staying," his friend said softly.
"You don't gotta." He sighed, hating how anguished the sound was to his own ears, and glanced to the open door of Serena's room.
"You're staying to look after Heart Eyes," Kenny pointed out. "I'm staying to look after you."
"Why do you keep calling her that?" he asked, feeling guilty for the smile that tugged at his lips. He had no right to smile.
"Because whenever you talk about her or get off the phone with her, you are literally heart eyes." Kenny smiled. "Go on, check on her. I'll talk to the nurse and see about getting another chair for the room."
"Hey," Adam called softly, grabbing Kenny's sleeve. He needed to thank him. For keeping him from exploding in the locker room. For helping him pack his shit. For getting the Uber and keeping him calm on the long ride. For just being there. He groped inside his brain for the words of appreciation and gratefulness. But all he could manage was, "Thank you."
***
Serena could hear talking again. It was Adam's voice. Her entire body ached so she lay still as consciousness slowly claimed her. Opening her eyes, she saw him perched on the chair next to the bed, the lights on the IV machine casting an eerie glow on his cheek. Behind him, through the blinds, she could see it was still dark outside.
Her hand was cradled between his. She kept her eyes on his face, though, watching his lips move while he spoke in a low voice. As she focused on him she was able to finally catch the words.
"…need you to be okay. Not just for your wrestling. But because…" He sighed, fingers stroking hers tenderly. "You're my girl, Dimples. I know you don't want to be. I didn't want you to be. And if I tell you that, you might laugh in my face… But after last night I can't keep pretending it's not real. I can't pretend I don't want it to be real."
What the hell was he talking about? Wrestling being real? She couldn't understand. Maybe she needed to go back to sleep. Or was she still asleep? That was it, this was a dream. She wasn't in a hospital listening to Adam talk about wanting things to be real while Kenny sat in the corner sleeping. How bizarre. Why would Kenny even come to the hospital? He didn't even know her that well.
She sighed, closing her eyes, and tried to focus on dream-Adam's words.
"…Don't know where this is going… …Don't want to fuck it up… I fuck everything up, Dimples…"
"No," she croaked, frowning.
"Dimples?" he gasped.
"You don't fuck everything up," she promised, forcing her eyes open again. "Turn that frown upside down, Cowboy."
"Cowboy?" he repeated.
"You're my cowboy." She wanted to talk to him. To hear his voice. Even if it was just a dream. "Made it my ringtone and everything."
"What?" Adam chuckled. "What did you make your ringtone?"
"The cowboy song." She cursed her dream self for being unable to remember the name of it. She could hear it, for crying out loud. The gentle guitar. The strings. The lines about wanting to be the only one for miles and miles. Except for… "You, and your simple smile…"
"Cowboy Take Me Away?" he asked.
Oh, but his smile was beautiful. She wanted a picture of it. She wanted to see it everywhere. "That one." She brought her hand up, felt his bearded cheek. "You're really here."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else."
"You really are a good man, Cowboy," she sighed. "I'd be stupid not to really date you. I'd be even stupider not to fall."
"I don't want you to fall, Dimples."
"I like you call me that. Don't stop, even when I wake up, okay? It's cute. It's sweet and fucking makes my heart…" She frowned. "Why don't you want me to fall?"
"I can't have you getting hurt again." He caught her hand when it began to slip and she watched him watch their fingers twine.
"I'm already falling. It doesn't hurt." She felt a sudden wave of giddiness and even though it hurt, managed a laugh. "It feels really good. You should try it. I know you don't want to, though."
"You're not falling."
"Sure I am. Falling for you." She smiled at him, though she knew it wasn't half as pretty as his smile. Then a wave of exhaustion swept over her and she yawned. "Wish I could really tell you that…"
***
Adam watched her eyes drift shut and released a soft sigh. Reaching over, he carefully smoothed the hair from her face while her grip on his hand eased. "I wish you could, too," he whispered. "I hope you can…"
"She okay?" Kenny asked softly.
He pulled his gaze from her and looked to his friend, who was still slumped in the chair. "Yeah. Still a little loopy, though."
"You're her cowboy."
"Not really," he murmured.
"What happened last night?" Kenny asked after a few moments.
Inhaling deeply, he held it in before letting the air out slowly. "She, uh…" He cleared his throat. Reached for the soda Kenny had bought him earlier. It was no longer cold, but it was wet, and gulping down the rest gave him the time to think up an answer that would be vague yet satisfying. "She called me. And, um, she didn't know she was calling me."
"Butt-dial?"
"Something like that."
Kenny frowned. "She wasn't with someone else, was she?"
"No, no, god no," Adam said quickly. Feeling his cheeks start to burn, he was grateful the from was somewhat dark. "She was definitely alone."
There was a long silence. After ripping the label from the bottle and crumpling it into a tight ball, he finally looked over to Kenny to see him rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
He pushed the label into the bottle and tightened the cap, knee bouncing erratically as Kenny continued to be silent.
"I see," his friend finally said.
Adam blinked. "You do?"
"I do."
And that, he realized, was enough for Kenny. He didn't need to go into the details. Didn't need to tell him what he'd heard and done.
Kenny stretched out his legs and slumped down further in his seat. "Wake me if you need me."
"I will." It was enough that he was there. Just his being in the room, even if he was asleep, kept Adam from freaking out. He watched until Kenny's face relaxed with sleep, then turned his attention back to Serena, carefully slipping her hand between his.
Time passed in miniscule increments. He alternated between watching her face and watching the bag of fluid being pumped into her body. He watched the numbers on the screen as her blood pressure was taken. Unable to remember what a good set of numbers were, he asked the nurse that came in to replace the IV bag. Then fretted each time the numbers were higher or lower.
Each time she came to, he felt a rush of relief.
Each time she drifted off, he felt a sense of dread.
But, when she was awake, her words were clearer. She was able to tell him how she felt. That her head felt as though it had been caught in a vice. That she ached all over. Even the smallest bit of light made her wince. And even though her head hurt, she wanted to talk to him. To ask him what had happened to her. He explained as best he could until she drifted off again.
His hand went to sleep but he couldn't bring himself to let go. The pressure of her fingers was his first indication that she was waking back up, and while she was awake, she tightened her hold as though his hand kept her from growing anxious.
The sky was just beginning to brighten when the nurse and a doctor came in to check her over. She awoke easily when they spoke to her, and Adam listened, knee bouncing fretfully, while she said that she couldn't remember what had happened. She couldn't remember going out for her match. The last thing she remembered was talking to him on the phone.
"I'd been avoiding him all day," she went on, and Adam felt her thumb hook tightly around his. "Because I called him last night… Night before? I had called him the night before by accident and he heard me—"
"Dimples," he whispered, ducking his head so the nurse and doctor wouldn't see his reddening cheeks.
"Oh. Sorry," she murmured, looking at him with wide eyes before turning to look at the doctor. "You don't need to know that, huh? Anyway, that's all I remember. And it's just bits and pieces of being here."
Adam reluctantly let go of her hand and moved away so they could examine her, grateful the curtain wasn't snatched closed. Leaning against the wall next to Kenny, who seemed surprisingly wide-awake after napping all night, he looked on while her vision was checked. Looked away when the nurse began to remove the IV. Held his breath as she was asked to sit up and move to the edge of the bed so they could check her reflexes. He exhaled when Kenny placed a hand on his arm, then held his breath again when the doctor asked Serena to stand.
She was a little unsteady, but the nurse supported her, then helped her walk to the bathroom and back to the bed. No, she wasn't nauseated, she just felt a little dizzy. And hungry. That made him smile. And, when the doctor began listing off instructions for when she got home later in the morning, he continued to smile.
His smile faltered when the doctor turned to him.
"Will you be staying with her while she recovers?"
"Of course," he answered, ignoring Serena's look of surprise.
"We'll get a packet of instructions and things to look for," the doctor said, slipping a card from her pocket and handing it over. "If you have any questions, please call or text me, Mr.…?"
"Page." He looked down at the card, hoping he would remember her name in five minutes. "How long do you think it'll be? Her recovery, I mean."
"At least a week. We'll be seeing her again in a couple of days." She rattled off a few instructions, then softened his worry by promising everything he would need to know would be on the printouts. Then, turning to Serena, she said she could go home after breakfast, so they could make sure she didn't have any nausea.
After she left, there was a flurry of activity. It seemed every time Adam sat down someone new came into the room to check something, to ask something, or to see if Serena needed anything.
Her only request was clothes.
"I've got some clean sweats and a shirt you can wear," he offered.
Her smile showed her dimple and he knew she was going to be okay.
***
"I can't believe you sent Kenny to the store with a list," Serena groaned as she lay back against the mountain of pillows Adam had created for her. Smiling when he brought the sheet and blanket up over her legs, she shifted so she was more comfortable. "I have food here."
"Protein and antioxidants," Adam reminded her, smoothing the blanket before stepping back. "Plus he's big on clean eating so he'll get you the best stuff."
"I just want coffee," she mourned.
"I know, but you don't need it right now." He gathered his hair into a bun and secured it. "I'll go get you some water?"
"Can I have something sweet?" she requested. "I bought all that fruit the other day…"
"I can make you a smoothie," he offered.
"That would be great." She reached to tap his arm before he could leave the room. "Hey… Thank you."
"No problem." He leaned over. His lips were cool against her forehead as he pressed the softest kiss to her skin. "Get some rest."
"Not tired," she murmured, even as exhaustion suddenly kicked in. "Can you hand me the remote?"
"No TV. No phone. Rest."
"Can I read a book?"
"Maybe later."
"Thanks, Dad," she muttered.
He chuckled and moved to the windows to close the blinds and curtains. She half-watched, marveling that he was actually inside her apartment, as he moved around the room, brow furrowing when she saw that he was gathering the clothes she'd left lying around.
"What are you doing?"
"Just straightening up."
"You don't have to." A yawn slipped out, and she reached to pull the covers up further. Her head was starting to hurt again. For a little while, after she'd eaten, the pain had eased to an almost-bearable ache. And when she had been wheeled outside to get into the Uber and had breathed in fresh air it had eased a little bit more.
Settling back, she thought of telling him how much she appreciated his being there. How much she had liked waking up and seeing him by her side all night long. But when she opened her mouth the only thing that came out was another yawn, and she sensed she was about to fall asleep when his shadow slipped out of the room.
***
Adam took the empty bowl from Serena's hands and reached to switch off the lamp.
"Don't go," she whispered.
"I ain't leaving," he promised. "Just going to put these away."
"Mm." It was a sleepy sound, and he heard her sigh as he left the room. He moved as quietly as possible, knowing without her telling him that her head was aching. She tried to put up a brave front, but her little winces each time he turned on the light and every time she sat up made it obvious she was in pain. He had finally talked her into taking some Tylenol before she ate some ice cream, and hoped it would at least ease her pains enough for her to get some sleep.
Good sleep, not the drifting in-and-out she'd been doing since her fall.
Her fall. He muttered a curse while washing the bowls and spoons. He'd forgotten to check her staples. She wouldn't be able to wash her hair until the next day, but he had been told to clean the area gently and watch for signs of infection. He had hated cleaning the site, the cloth turning rusty with the dried blood. He'd hated hearing her little gasps of pain, because he loathed hurting her even a tiny bit. Had despised seeing the neat row of metal lines in her scalp.
Drying his hands on a towel, he sighed and debated whether he should just wait until morning. The debate ended in a split second and he tossed the towel on the counter, switching out the light and making his way to the bedroom. He just had to take a peek, he wouldn't have to wake her up to clean it or slather more Vaseline on it. Tiptoeing, because he wasn't used to the layout of her room, he felt his way to the bed, hissing when his toe banged into the nightstand.
"Fuck," he gasped.
"Adam?"
"Fuck," he said again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake—"
"I wasn't asleep. What's wrong."
"Just hit my stupid toe." He wriggled his toes. "Alright if I turn on the light?"
"Yeah."
When he turned it on, she was sitting up. He frowned. "Dimples…"
"I'm okay. I can't go to sleep."
"You—"
"I'm not sick or dizzy or anything. My head doesn't hurt as much. I think it was the chocolate in the ice cream." She carefully moved her hair behind her shoulders. "How's your toe?"
"Still stupid." He sat on the edge of the bed. "Let me check your staples, okay?"
She made a noncommittal sound but laid back and shifted onto her side. "Do you think you can put my hair up? All I can smell is the hospital."
"Sure." Adam gently parted her hair and leaned close to squint at the row of staples. It all looked as it had when he'd cleaned it. Blinking in hopes of getting rid of the gritty feeling in his eyes, he plucked one of the hair ties from the nightstand and did his best to fashion a loose bun above the staples. Her hair didn't smell like the hospital to him. The locks still held the scent of cocoa and coconut. Sitting back, he rubbed the heel of his palms against his eyes. "You gonna be okay if I go shower? Is it okay if I take a shower? I'm grimy as hell."
She turned to face him, her brow slightly furrowed. "Adam… Of course it's okay."
"Just wanted to be sure."
"Use this bathroom," she said, waving to the open door leading to the master bathroom. "It has better water pressure. And I don't think the other bathroom has any towels, anyway."
"Okay. Try to get some sleep, Dimples."
"I will."
His suitcase was where he'd left it in the small space she called the hall. He dug out what he would need then pushed the suitcase into the little second bedroom, frowning as he gauged the difference between the bed inside and where she was. As exhausted as he was, he didn't think he'd hear her if she woke up and called to him. With a sigh, he hesitated in the doorway of her bedroom.
"You can sleep in here," she said softly. "I don't mind."
"You sure?"
"Positive. Otherwise you'll worry yourself to death over not being able to hear me. Or thinking I might get up to go pee and get dizzy." She gave him a look he couldn't decipher before glancing away. "And I think I'll rest better if you're closer."
He didn't know what to say to that. Didn't know how to take the words. Nodding, even though she couldn't see, he headed into the bathroom to take out his contacts and shower, pausing every few moments to listen. Just in case. He heard nothing, though, and hoped she had finally gone to sleep.
When he came out, though, she was sitting up against the headboard. Still awake.
"I can't sleep," she said in a tiny voice.
Sighing, he moved to the bed. "How come?"
"Every time I think I'm comfortable my head moves a little. Or the pillow sinks and makes my staples hurt." She was twisting her fingers, wringing them together in her lap. "And I keep worrying that if I go to sleep I'll jerk awake and hurt worse than I already do."
He wished they'd given her something stronger for the pain. Something strong enough to help her go to sleep. Though he understood why they hadn't and doubted she would have taken it willingly. He grabbed the pillows that weren't behind her and stacked them against the headboard before crawling in next to her. Once situated, he covered her jittery hands with his. "C'mere."
She moved slowly, as though unsure, and he could feel the anxious tension in her body as he guided her to lie on his chest. She shifted, curling close. And when her leg slid over his he tucked his arm around her.
"I won't sink," he murmured.
"Thank you." She was quiet for a moment, hand sliding to rest over his heartbeat. "…Adam?"
"Mm-hmm?" He needed to turn off the light. It would require moving, but it had to be done.
"Sing for me?"
He smiled. "You need a lullaby, huh?"
"Sing me something from The Chicks," she requested, and even though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was smiling. "Please."
"Well, since you said please…" He sighed and pulled his arm from her. Just long enough to stretch and turn off the lamp. He wrapped it around her as soon as the room was dark and waited until he felt her relax before he began to sing.
He knew his singing wasn't anywhere near good, as tired as he was. His throat was tired and scratchy. But he did his best, stumbling over the words when she joined him for the last line of the chorus.
"I wanna walk and not run. I wanna skip and not fall…" He carefully smoothed his hand over her hair. "I wanna look at the horizon and not see a building standing tall. I wanna be the only one for miles and miles, except for maybe you and your simple smile…"
"Oh it sounds good to me," she sang softly, fingers idly tracing over his chest. "Yes it sounds so good to me…"
His heart squeezed when she joined him in the chorus. Covering her fidgeting hand with his, he felt it twist until their palms rested against each other. Their fingers spread at the same time, and he marveled at how perfectly her hand fit in his. How, when their fingers twined, it felt as natural to him as breathing.
"Adam?" she murmured. Sleepiness made her voice soft.
"Yeah?"
"You're my cowboy." She snuggled closer, pressing her cheek just above his heart. "I didn't want you to be. But you are."
"I am?" he asked.
"Mm-hmm."
"Dimples?"
"Mm?"
"I wouldn't wanna be anybody else's." He dipped his head, pressing a kiss into her hair.
"Mm…" In the darkness, he could feel her smile. Her thumb hooked around his. "Good."
"Goodnight, Dimples," he whispered.
She didn't reply immediately. Then, just when he was certain she'd gone to sleep, she whispered, "Goodnight, Cowboy."
***
Despite the dull ache in her head, Serena awoke feeling refreshed. She was warm and almost cozy feeling, as though she'd been wrapped in a warm blanket all night long. She sighed, and the firm mattress beneath her head lifted slightly. When had she gotten soft jersey cotton sheets?
"Mornin'."
Her eyes snapped open. Oh. Right. She was sleeping on Adam. There wasn't a blanket over her, it was his arm. That wasn't a jersey cotton sheet, it was his t-shirt. Her hand wasn't tucked under the pillow, it was tucked between his hand and the steady thump of his heartbeat. With the blink of an eye it all came rushing back. Concussion. Staples. Adam with her in the hospital. Adam coming home with her. Adam waiting on her. Adam crawling into bed with her.
Adam singing sweetly so she could go to sleep.
"Morning," she murmured. Stretching out her legs, she felt the thickness of his and was about to move away from him when she decided she didn't want to. She wanted to enjoy the cocoon of warmth that his body offered.
"You slept all night."
"That's good, right?"
"Yeah. It's good."
She looked at his hand over hers. "…I need to pee."
His chuckle rumbled through his chest. "C'mon."
There was something embarrassing about having to be helped out of bed. She was used to just rolling out and doing what she had to do. But just sliding to the edge made her feel weak. So, when he offered her his hands for support, she accepted them. Her head spun as she stood, and she gripped his hands tightly until her balance restored.
Adam frowned. "Okay?"
"Just a little dizzy. It went away quick," she promised, not wanting him to worry more than she knew he already was. Still holding his hands, she took a tentative step away from the bed and breathed a sigh of relief. "It's gone."
Still, he held onto her hand until she was in the bathroom. Then he stood just outside the door while she used it. She moved slowly, not wanting the dizziness return, and when she saw her reflection in the mirror she grimaced. There was still makeup on her eyes from… Had it been the night before last? Turning on the water, she reached for a washcloth and her face wash.
"You okay?" he called, knocking gently on the half-open door.
"I'm fine. Just washing my face."
"What do you want for breakfast?"
"Coffee."
"Try again."
"Iced coffee?"
"Dimples…" There was a gentle thump against the door and she knew he'd banged his forehead against it.
"Anything you fix is fine," she answered with a sigh. "But I'd really, really like some coffee."
"How do you like your eggs?"
"Sunny side up."
"Alright."
Serena washed her face slowly, frowning when it occurred to her that he was still outside the door. "Are you going to cook?"
"Once you come out."
"You really are a sweetheart, you know that?" she asked after drying her face and nudging the door open.
"I keep telling you I am, I don't know why you're so surprised."
"When can I take a shower?" she asked after he helped her back into the bed.
"Later." He adjusted the pillow behind her head. "I'll go get your breakfast."
She nodded, eyes drifting to his ass as he walked out. Funny, she thought absentmindedly, how it looked firmer in a pair of pajama pants. Firm enough to bounce a quarter off. Biting her lip, she glanced to the nightstand on the off chance there was change there. Of course there was none, and she wasn't about to fling a water bottle at him. Besides, she didn't have the nerve to toss a quarter at his ass either, did she?
She grabbed the water bottle and took a sip, wishing he'd handed over her phone so she could at least text her parents. She vaguely remembered talking to them the day before, after Adam had tucked her into bed and she'd said she wanted to call them. He had told her she'd talked to them while at the hospital but she couldn't remember that. Could only remember her mother's concerned voice, and her father's worry. And Adam's gentle voice as he promised them he would be there to take care of her.
She could smell coffee. Was he making it for himself? Knowing he wouldn't give her any?
"Bastard," she muttered under her breath, reaching to undo the bun. At the last second she thought better of it, not wanting to smell her dirty hair. Her fingers inched to the back of her scalp and she tentatively touched the staples, shuddering with revulsion. She needed coffee. She was sure it could clear some of the cloudiness from her brain.
To hell with it. She pushed her legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. No dizziness. That was good, right? Her gaze slid to the papers on the dresser, which Adam had read through countless times the day before, answering the questions she had whenever she was awake enough to think. Surely she wasn't supposed to completely avoid caffeine. It was her number one vice. Her only addiction. Besides, she'd had chocolate ice cream, and didn't chocolate have caffeine?
"What are you doing?"
Serena blinked stupidly. "Going to the kitchen?"
"Why?"
"To get—" She saw the mug in his hands. The aroma of coffee was suddenly overpowering and she felt her mouth water. "What's that?"
"I fixed you coffee."
"You did?" she whispered. Now her eyes were watering.
"I figured if I didn't, you'd drag your ass to the kitchen and fix it yourself." One corner of his mouth lifted. "Obviously I was right."
"Yes, yes, you're a genius when it comes to my psyche. Now gimme."
"Get in bed."
"Coffee."
"Bed."
With a huff, she backed up until she could sit on the edge of the mattress. Coffee. She needed the coffee. She made grabbing motions with her hands. She didn't even care if he'd put enough sugar and creamer in it. For once, she wouldn't care if it was pure black. She just needed… Sighing as her hands wrapped around the warm mug, she closed her eyes and breathed in the decadent fragrance. She slowly lifted the mug for a sip, a tiny moan escaping after the first taste. Heaven, she thought, lowering her head to savor the flavor.
"That good?" he asked with a soft chuckle.
"It's perfect," she whispered, feeling a lock of hair slip across her cheek.
"You told me you like a lot of sugar and cream."
"I did?" She couldn't remember that. But it didn't matter. The coffee was perfect and he was perfect and she should never have called him a bastard.
"Yesterday when you were begging for coffee." His fingers swept the lock of hair behind her ear, lingering before sliding away. "You stay here and enjoy that while I fix your eggs."
"I will," she promised. She wasn't going anywhere until she'd enjoyed every drop.
"You want some toast?"
She nodded, mouth full of coffee. After swallowing, she sighed with satisfaction. She could already feel the fogginess starting to clear. "Butter and jam, please."
"Bacon?"
"Absolutely." She was starving. Lifting her head, she smiled up at him. And was happy when he smiled back. "Could I eat in the kitchen?"
"Dimples—"
"I don't want to be in bed all day. I'll go crazy."
"Okay," he relented. "How about you eat on the couch?"
"Sure."
"I'll come get you when it's ready."
"Yes, sir," she murmured. She thought she caught a glimmer of something in his eyes before he left the room. Deciding she hadn't, she focused on enjoying her coffee.
By the time she finished it she could smell bacon. She could hear him talking. Had he called her parents again? She looked to the clock on the nightstand. No, too early for her parents. It was barely six in California, and they didn't get up until after seven. She supposed they could have gotten up early… Her curiosity got the better of her and she got to her feet to make her way to the kitchen.
She could smell citrus. Blinking, she stopped in the living room, eyes sweeping the room. It was neat. The coffee table was clear, the blankets she kept on the couch were neatly folded and lying over the back. The bits and pieces of stuff that she left lying around – extra phone charger, lip balm, hand cream, hair ties – were all in the basket on the end table that she always intended to keep them in. Her bookshelf had been straightened. The shoes she always left in a pile near the door had been arranged. There was a laundry basket in the armchair, and she could see that it contained folded clothes. And, she realized, digging her bare toes into the carpet, the floor had been vacuumed.
"What the hell," she muttered under her breath. When had he done all that?
She pushed forward to go into the kitchen, drawing in a breath to ask him when he'd cleaned. But she stopped when she saw him standing in front of the sliding glass door. His head was bent, his phone to his ear.
"Look, I know it's shitty timing, but…" He sighed. "I need to stay here, alright? My girl needs me."
His girl. The words warmed her more than the coffee had.
"Her folks are in California. And all her friends around here are from work, which means – Right. Right. Yeah." He was nodding at whatever the person he was talking to was saying. "Yup. She's better. Not sick or anything. I just can't leave her, y'know? Not 'til I know she's gonna be alright."
Oh, he really was a goddamned sweetheart.
"Thanks, Tony," he said with a sigh of relief. "I'll let you know how she is in a few days – What?"
She loved the way he said what. Especially when his Virginia accent thickened and it came out as drawled wut as it was now. And can't always came out as cain't. She loved that, too.
She loved—
"Alright. Sorry I woke you up, Matt…" He laughed. "Yeah, you're right. I'm not. Bye, ya'll. Thanks."
He lowered his phone and looked at the screen for a moment. And suddenly she didn't want to disturb him. Didn't want him to know she'd overheard part of his conversation. Backing up, she was about to turn when he moved away from the door. He glanced over, saw her, and did a double-take.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Being nosy wouldn't be a good answer, she supposed. So she went for the second reason she'd left the bedroom. "It's lonely back there."
"Dimples—"
"I know, I know, I need to rest. But I'm wide-awake now. And I'm starving. And I didn't want you to have to come all the way back there when I can obviously get to the living room without help." She pressed her lips together, a little surprised at her outburst. "Who were you talking to?"
"Oh… Matt and Tony." He looked almost embarrassed. "I, uh… I got the next week off. So your folks don't have to come all the way out here? And so somebody can be here with you—"
"Oh, Adam…"
The empty mug fell to the floor with a soft thump and she moved forward. He met her halfway, muttering that she shouldn't be moving so fast, but all she cared was that he accepted her embrace. He returned it, arms wrapping snugly around her, and her eyes stung with tears when she felt him curl over so his face was pressed into her hair.
"I'm sorry I'm a bitchy patient," she muttered against his chest.
"I don't expect you to be an angel when you're in pain," he promised. His hands smoothed up and down her back. She felt his lips push deeper into her hair. "Go on, get on the couch and I'll finish your breakfast."
She ate every bite on her plate, and even stole two slices of his bacon. He rolled his eyes and playfully swatted her hand away. Then, with a sigh, he slipped another slice onto her plate. They didn't talk much while they ate and for that she was grateful, because her head was starting to ache again. From sitting up so long, she surmised. Watching him carry the dishes into the kitchen, she pulled her feet up onto the couch and laid her head back.
"Here," he murmured. She lifted her head and saw him holding a steaming mug. "Some herbal tea. The doctor said it would help, remember?"
"Thank you." She didn't remember, but he had no reason to lie. Her memory of the doctor was mostly vague, foggy snippets. She pulled her feet closer to her body and took the mug.
"And take this, I know you're head's hurting," he said, dropping two Tylenol into her free hand.
"How did you—"
"You get this little wrinkle here." He indicated the space between his eyebrows. "It came back while we were eating."
Damn, he was observant. With a nod, she took the pills and swallowed them down. She supposed after she drank the tea, he would want her to go back to bed. She wondered how many days of rest she had to look forward to. In the same moment she reminded herself that however many days of rest she had, she would at least have his wonderful, comforting company.
Adam yawned. A large, loud yawn that ended with a soft groan. He mumbled an apology, and she frowned when he rubbed the heel of his palms against his eyes.
"You can go to bed," she said after taking a sip of her tea. "I'll be alright."
"Nah, nah, I'm good," he murmured, stretching his arms above his head before letting them flop.
"Have you slept?" she asked, frown deepening. There were dark shadows beneath his eyes. She knew he'd showered. She had no clue. Those first hours were a fog. Coming to consciousness and feeling his arm around her. Drifting off to the sound of his voice.
"I got a nap. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," she promised. And she was. If she held her head up too long, she got a bit of a headache. But she was fine. She hadn't gotten sick anymore. She hadn't gotten confused or had any problems with her vision. And she hadn't felt dizzy. "Adam…"
"I'm just gonna close my eyes for a few minutes." He leaned his head back against the couch and sighed. "If you need something kick me."
"Adam," she groaned, slowly leaning over and tugging on his sleeve. "Lay down."
"I'm fine," he insisted.
"You're dead on your feet and making me feel guilty about it. At least stretch out on the couch." She shifted, pushed her feet onto the coffee table. Patting her thigh, she motioned for him to lie down.
With a groan, he turned and stretched out, slowly lowering his head into her lap. Just before his cheek hit her thigh, he stopped. "You sure?"
"Rest, cowboy," she insisted.
He turned onto his back, and she found it oddly adorable how his blonde curls spilled over her thigh. "I'm not gonna go to sleep."
"Just rest," she murmured. Unable to resist, she smoothed her fingers over his brow. Until the deep furrows lessened and she heard his sigh. Leaning, she placed her mug on the end table and then brought her other hand to his head, smiling down at him when his eyes slowly drifted shut.
"That feels good," he said softly, stretching his legs out.
"Shh." She wanted him to get some rest. Couldn't fathom him staying awake just because of her. Couldn't bear to think that her stupidity and clumsiness had caused him to lose precious sleep. He had to be exhausted. Not to mention sore. When her fingers slipped to his temples he groaned softly and she paused. "Do you have a headache?"
"Little bit. But it's okay."
She rolled her eyes and gently began to massage his temples. Rewarded with another groan and a deep sigh, she kept at it. Until she felt the tension in his body ease. Until his fingers stopped drumming his chest. Until his face relaxed with slumber.
She smoothed her fingers along his jaw, hesitating briefly before allowing her thumb to lightly caress his cheek. His head turned slightly, cheek pressing tighter against her palm, and she felt her heart jump.
"I do like you, Cowboy," she whispered. She felt liberated for admitting it, even if he was asleep and wouldn't hear her. Which was probably why she had the nerve to utter the words. "How could a woman not fall in love with you?"
Especially after the past twenty-four hours. Even though she had been completely out of it, the sight of him rushing in her hospital room was burned in her memory. The worry. The anguish. The way his hands shook when they held hers. The hoarseness of his voice when he'd asked how she was. She would never forget the elation that had risen in her from just seeing him there. Or how waking up to see him sitting at her bedside, hands folded beneath his chin, lips moving silently in a fervent prayer, had made her heart swell.
There were other memories. Or perhaps hallucinations. She couldn't be sure because they weren't as clear. But she thought she had come to at one point and heard him saying words sweeter than any prayer.
You're my girl, Dimples. I can't pretend I don't want it to be real.
She couldn't, either.
She frowned, wondering when it had all changed. And how she hadn't fully realized until now.
He hadn't said anything about his feelings for her since she'd been released from the hospital. He'd told her how worried he'd been when he'd heard the news, and how he had worried all night long. How he was so glad she was going to be okay, that it could have been so much worse. And she couldn't even be sure if some of those admissions were real or if she'd dreamed them. But he didn't have to say them. Not really.
Because he'd been showing he cared every moment.
Insisting he would stay with her. Making her bed with fresh sheets. Washing the blood from her staples. Cooking for her. Cleaning for her. God only knew how many phone calls he'd answered for her while she drifted in and out. He'd done everything for her, short of carrying her to the toilet. And hadn't complained once.
No wonder he was exhausted. When had he last slept? Really slept. The night before she'd gotten injured? He'd said he'd napped, but that didn't count. It was a miracle he hadn't collapsed.
He sighed in his sleep. His body shifted, rolling up onto his side, and he burrowed his face into her thigh, his hand sliding to clutch her shirt.
His shirt. She was still wearing the clothes he'd given her to wear home from the hospital. She remembered joking that she was glad he was thick, because otherwise her hips would never have fit into his sweatpants. She remembered his little frown when she'd said that, and wondered suddenly if the words had hurt his feelings.
She stroked his hair. Ran her fingers gently through the curls, which were softer than a man's hair should be. Let his locks wind around her finger. Smoothed it back from his face. And when she heard a gentle snore from him, she smiled. Reaching for the blanket on the back of the couch, she dragged it over him, wanting him to be as comfortable as he possibly could.
When he woke up, she would make him go to bed. If she had to, she would tie him down. She blinked at that thought and pushed away the non-sleepy images that flashed in her mind. Grabbing the other blanket, she bunched it up to make a pillow and tucked it in the corner so she could rest her head.
And slept.
***
"You sure you're feeling up to this?"
Serena sighed. But Adam could tell it wasn't with annoyance. "Yes. I'm sure. I've been cooped up in my place for a week—"
"Hey, you've seen the doctor three times."
"Doesn't count. Anyway, I need to get out. Breathe the air. Enjoy the sunshine."
"You're such a country girl at heart," he said with pride. "Alright, let's go."
"Where are we going?" she asked once they'd gotten into the car.
"A place." He handed over her sunglasses, not wanting the bright sun to cause a headache. She hadn't had one in days, but he couldn't keep from worrying over her. He had a feeling he would worry even more when the time came for him to leave. He had an even stronger feeling that he would never stop worrying for her.
He had another feeling, too. That he knew what all this worrying about her he was doing meant.
"Where is this place?"
"Down the road."
"Oh god," she groaned. "You're really not gonna tell me?"
"I will, but damn is it fun to torture you," he said with a grin. "We're going to the lake."
"The lake," she repeated. Her brow creased. "Adam, there's a million lakes around here."
"It's about an hour away." He cleared his throat. "We're not going on the lake. Just… To it."
"Like a public beach?"
"Tony has a little cabin," Adam said. "He's letting us use the place for the day. Well, okay, it's not little, it's actually bigger than my house, but to him it's little. I figured you'd enjoy getting out of town for the day, though, and there's—"
He was silenced when she leaned over the console and flung her arms around him. Grunting in surprise, he immediately brought his arms around her, smiling when her lips met his cheek in an exuberant kiss.
"I take it you like the idea?" he asked, turning to kiss her cheek in return.
"I love it." She kissed his cheek again before sitting back. "There's what?"
"Huh?"
"You were gonna say there's… Something?"
"Oh!" Grinning, he finally put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot. "There's a big yard with lots of shade, so I thought we'd have a picnic for lunch."
"Damn," she murmured. "I'm impressed."
"Me too," he admitted. "I didn't think a lake house would be that big a deal."
"It's not the lake house. It's… It's you wanting to do something special for me."
"You went through hell, Dimples," he reminded her, arm dropping onto the console once they were on the highway. "You deserve special."
Her hand slid into his, and her head leaned against his bicep. "You've been giving me special all week."
"Maybe you just deserve special," he murmured.
She hummed at that. "I might start believing that one day."
Which meant she didn't already believe that. That soured his mood, but he squeezed her hand. And when she reached to turn on music he didn't complain, having learned that after revealing just the smallest of insecurities she had to do something to shift the focus. So he kept his arguments to himself, letting her drag him into singing along with the upbeat, happy songs she played.
"This is little?" Serena blurted when he parked at the end of the gravel drive.
"I told you," he sighed.
"Can we go see the lake?" she asked, already climbing out of the car.
"It's quicker to go through the house," he called after her when she headed across the grass.
She turned on her heel and skipped up the steps to the door, bouncing with excitement while he pulled out his phone to find the code Tony had texted him. "He said the cleaner hasn't been out in a few weeks so it might be dusty."
"It's probably cleaner than my place was when I moved in," she muttered.
He laughed, because she was probably right, and pushed the door open after punching in the code.
"Tell him he's a big fucking liar," she said as soon as they entered.
"Oh, sure, lemme just text my fucking boss that he's a fucking liar, that'll go over great," he drawled, reaching to turn off the alarm with the second code Tony had sent him. Once it gave a quick beep and all the lights went off, he closed the door and let her pull him through the house. He didn't see more than a blur of the rooms before they were going out the front door and onto the large deck that overlooked the lake.
"Holy shit," she breathed, stopping at the top of the stairs that led down to a small dock.
He agreed. The lawn was terraced but rolling, and only at the stairs could they see the lake through the large weeping willows. The grass looked an almost impossible shade of green and was scattered with dandelions. There was a sweet, almost heady scent coming from the flowering bushes around the deck, and he could smell the aroma of pine trees and dirt and, faintly, meat being cooked on a grill.
They walked down to the dock together, hand in hand, and even when they reached the end of the dock and she leaned to dip her toes in the water he didn't let go. He didn't let go when she sat to swing her feet through the gently lapping current. He didn't let go when he sat next to her. He didn't let go as she laid her head on his shoulder. Or when she tucked her other arm around him.
"This is beautiful, Adam," she whispered.
He pulled his gaze from the top of her head. He hadn't been able to see much. Just her bright hair and the dark roots she had started to complain about, and the tip of her nose. He barely glanced at the water, at the boats speeding across the way, at the swimmers bobbing in the wakes. Looking back at her just as she tipped her head back, he felt his breath catch in his throat. "Yeah, you really are."
She blinked. "What?"
"You're beautiful."
She started to pull away, but he caught her arm before she could. She shook her head.
And for the millionth time, he cursed the asshole that had crushed her to the worst depths of hell. "Dimples—"
"I'm not beautiful."
"The fuck you ain't." The words snapped from his mouth with force and he watched her pretty eyes widen. "Look, I don't know who the fuck made you feel less than gorgeous, but they fucking lied, alright? Whatever they said, whatever they did, it don't change the fact that every time I look at you, you take my breath away. It don't change the fact that I get lost in your eyes. That… That… And don't you dare say I'm only saying this to be nice. I ain't that nice. I don't care what anyone else says or thinks. When I look at you, I see beautiful."
There were tears in her pretty amber eyes. "Adam…"
"I didn't want to at first. But every time I look at you I see something that makes you even more beautiful. Like that dimple. And your eyes. Or the way you can lift one eyebrow. How your nose wrinkles when you laugh. Or…" He lifted his hand, faintly tracing the curve of her upper lip. "Or how your lip does that curve…"
She tried to duck her head but he gently caught her chin, needing her to keep looking at him. And when he saw a tear slip free he frowned.
"Don't cry, Dimples."
"No one's ever called me beautiful," she whispered brokenly.
His frown deepened. "No one?"
"Oh, I've been told I'm pretty. Or cute. People love to call me cute." She reached to swipe the tear away. "But I've always been the funny one, you know? The smart one. 'Hey, let's bring Serena, she's a fun time' and that kind of stuff. N-never…"
"Beautiful," he said.
"That."
"Not even your family?" He'd talked to her parents half a dozen times during the past week. Had found them to be friendly, caring, and just as vibrant as their daughter. When Serena had had them on speakerphone, they'd said several times how much they loved her and how proud they were of her. The thought they hadn't called her beautiful made him like them a little less.
"They don't count." She sniffled. "They love me as family. They have to think I'm beautiful."
"I'm sorry," he murmured, resting his forehead against hers briefly. He slid his hand to her cheek, brushing away another tear that had slipped down. "I'll just keep telling you you're beautiful until you believe it."
"You—" She cut off with a sharp gasp. "You don't have to put on the act out here, Adam."
"It's…" Bewildered when she pulled away and got to her feet, he dragged his hand over his face and hopped up. "You think I'm lying to you?"
"No. But you don't have to keep saying it."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because it's not true!"
"What's not true?" he asked, confused. Hadn't he just explained to her how she was beautiful?
"None of this. You've been…" She threw her hands up and waved them as though she couldn't think of the right word. "Ever since the hospital."
"I've been what?"
"Different."
"How?"
"Sweet. Affectionate. Like you care."
"I—"
"And I have to keep reminding myself that it's not real. And I don't know if I said something that made you think you had to treat me like a queen all week or…" She looked at him, panic in her eyes. "Did I say something?"
"You were saying some strange stuff, Dimples," he admitted with a shake of his head. He didn't want to bring them up. Didn't want to run the risk of her saying she hadn't meant any of it. Didn't want the rejection he could sense coming. Didn't want to ruin the great day they were having. Although it looked as though it were already ruined.
"I know that. Cole said I sounded high as a kite. But what was I saying?"
"It's not important."
"Cowboy." The worry in her eyes caused his heart to squeeze. "I need to know. It's… It's like I got drunk and don't remember. But worse. At least when I've gotten drunk, I had people around to tell me what stupid shit I did and said. And you not telling me… Was it bad? Did I say something mean?"
"No," he promised quickly. "Dimples, baby, no. You were… Spaced out. Your brain got rattled. What you said isn't important because it was like a drunken confession. Not to be taken seriously."
"Adam. Drunken confessions are, most of the time, the person's true feelings. Haven't you let your feelings bare when you've gotten drunk?"
"I'm a quiet drunk," he admitted, taking a step toward the stairs. "C'mon, let's get back, okay? I don't want you to do too much."
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what I said."
"God you're stubborn," he muttered, turning to face her. "Okay. Fine. You want to know what you said? You said I was your cowboy. You said a lot of stuff. How you like smelling me. That you like when I call you Dimples. How you'd be stupid to not date me. That you'd be stupid to not fall."
Her eyes widened and her hand slid from his. "I…"
"And you said I should try it, too."
"I…" It was a croak. A faint squeak. She looked shocked and embarrassed and, he thought, still had the ability to be the most adorable woman he'd ever had the pleasure of looking upon. "What?"
"You wanted to know," he said. Waiting. Hoping she would say she meant the words. That her rattle-brained confession had been true. But she just stood there. Staring up at him. Still with that look of shock on her face.
Then her face shifted. Her eyes softened. "You said some stuff too, Adam."
He'd been looking down at his feet and jerked his head up suddenly. "What?"
"You probably thought I was asleep. But I was in and out of it. And I heard a lot of things." Her eyes softened further. "You prayed for me."
Adam drew in a breath. He'd prayed harder and more than he'd ever prayed in his life. He didn't like thinking of those nerve-wracking moments between when he'd learned she'd been injured and had seen her for himself. Didn't like remembering the anguish and worry that hadn't gone away until he had held her hand and looked into her eyes. Unless dragged into one by Nick and Matt, he rarely prayed. But it was all he'd done that night, in between his ramblings to her while she slept.
Right now he was praying she hadn't heard any of his blathering.
"Yeah, I prayed for you," he said, catching the lock of hair that danced against her cheek and sweeping it back. "It was all I did from the second I heard you were hurt."
"You said other things."
"Did I?"
"I think you did. Or maybe I was dreaming." Her brow furrowed and he couldn't help but smooth his fingers over it until the creases eased. "Adam, I don't know if you really said what I heard or if I dreamed it or if it was some hallucination, but…"
"What did I say?"
"I can't remember all of it." When his hand moved to her cheek she leaned against his palm and sighed. "Just bits and pieces like how you couldn't take it if I was badly hurt. And you knew you weren't supposed to but you like me. And how I didn't need to get you a shirt because you bought one when you came to the show that night to see me."
She smiled. That pretty smile that did things to his heart and his stomach. But her eyes were still troubled. Which only made him want to pull her into his arms and reassure her that everything would be okay. And that, if she wanted him to, he'd always be right there to help her make things okay again.
"And you were talking to someone. A nurse I think?" She frowned again, one hand coming up to cup his wrist. "She was talking about you being there all night and you said…"
He knew what he'd said. Could remember the scene perfectly. Serena lying in the bed, seemingly asleep. The nurse coming in to check her vital signs and adjust her IV. Smiling at him and saying she was surprised he hadn't fallen asleep.
Not until I know for sure it's minor. Holding her hand in both of his. Feeling her fingers squeeze occasionally. The softness of her palm against his lips when he'd kissed it. She's my girl, you know. I need to make sure she's okay.
The nurse, cooing that Serena was a lucky woman, then leaving and closing the door. He couldn't remember what she looked like, or even how her voice had sounded. Because he'd been too busy focusing on Serena. And the little smile that had pulled at her lips when he'd called her his girl.
"You said I was your girl," she whispered.
"I did."
"And when you called Matt and Tony the other day. You said you had to stay because your girl needs you."
He hadn't known she'd overheard that. He'd thought she'd been asleep on the couch. Nodding, he allowed his thumb to sweep over her cheek. "I know what I said, Dimples."
"I hate this," she groaned.
His heart snatched in his chest. And he began to pull away from her. "I'm sorry—"
"No, no!" She tightened her grip on his wrist. "I hate not knowing. I hate that the lie and the truth have gotten so twisted and turned around I can't tell them apart anymore. I hate that it took a fucking concussion for me to admit I actually do like you and that it took the concussion for you to say like me, too."
"What do you want, Serena?"
"I don't know. I-I don't want to pretend anymore. But I don't want to force this…whatever we've got. Every little step has felt so natural and genuine. At least, to me it has. I like this." She gestured between them. "And I don't want you saying you like it too just because my head bounced off the apron. I want… I want honesty. I want baby steps because I'm scared to death."
"Why are you scared?" he whispered, frowning.
"Because I think I like it too much," she gasped.
"C'mere." He pulled his wrist from her grasp and spread his arms. Folded them around her as soon as she stepped into them. Closed his eyes so he could enjoy the sensation of completeness that settled over him each time she was in his arms.
***
Serena enjoyed their picnic lunch, despite the air of incompletion hovering around them. It wasn't an elaborate meal. Just sandwiches, potato salad he'd made using his mom's recipe. For dessert he'd baked cookies. She smiled as she ate them, remembering his fumbling answer when she'd asked why she could smell cookies that morning. There was a jug of sweet tea to wash it all down, and he'd even packed some peaches he said were from his favorite farmer's market.
Sitting on the soft blanket in the shade of the largest weeping willow, she enjoyed the heavily dapped sunlight and the fresh breeze that rolled up the hill from the lake. She enjoyed the birdsong and the music playing softly from his phone. She enjoyed a full belly and his quiet, comforting company. She enjoyed that he'd indulged her and blown dandelions before they ate. She enjoyed looking over and seeing him, leaning against the tree trunk looking worthy of the cover of some romance novel.
"Dimples?" He said the nickname softly, as though fearful of disturbing their enjoyment.
"Yeah, Cowboy?" She liked how his smile widened when she called him that. Liked how it made his eyes crinkle. Liked that he always looked down as though a little embarrassed by the nickname. Loved that when he raised his eyes again they shone with happiness.
"What we were talking about earlier…" He took a sip of his tea and brushed cookie crumbs from his lap. "About us?"
Us. She loved being us. "What about us?"
His eyes brightened and she thought that, maybe, he liked being us too. "I wanna try."
"You… You really want to try?" she whispered, scared to speak louder. She feared that if she raised her voice to even a normal tone it would ruin the moment.
He reached forward, thumb sweeping her cheek. "I do. If you think we should. I mean… We seem to be doing alright, don't we? We have for a few weeks now."
"Yeah." There was a dandelion seed caught in one of his curls. She reached to pluck it away, the light breeze carrying her gasp away when he turned his head and lightly kissed the inside of her wrist. "I mean, really, nothing's changing. Right?"
"Well I sure as hell hope I get to kiss you now, but no, nothing's really changing."
"Now?"
"Now… In a little while, when we go back inside. Later, when we get back to your place. Tonight, before you go to sleep… Tomorrow, after we wake up."
"That many times, huh?" she murmured.
"Well," he drawled, kissing her wrist again before stretching out on the blanket. Head propped on his elbow, he grinned up at her. "We've got a lot of catching up to do, y'know."
"Oh we do?" She knew she had to have the stupidest grin on her face. In fact, she seemed to have that grin on her face a lot lately. "How do you figure that?"
"Dimples," he sighed, grin widening as she moved to lie next to him. "We've been seeing each other for weeks now. I know you keep saying I'm old-fashioned, but I do try to get a kiss in after the first couple of dates."
"Ah, but our seeing each other doesn't count because we weren't really seeing each other," she pointed out. "Therefore, your reasoning is flawed."
"Okay, fine," he grunted. "How about we both deserve a kiss?"
"Do we?"
"You helped me cum," he whispered. "And, going by what I heard, I helped you, too."
Her eyes widened and she tried to pull oxygen into her lungs. "Wh-what?"
"I'm sick of dancing around it," he muttered. "You called me. On accident, I guess. And I heard you. I heard you…"
She almost laughed at the way his cheeks reddened and he waved his hand. "You heard me masturbating."
"Y-yeah."
"It was an accident," she admitted, finally sucking in a deep breath. Pulling her knees to her chest, she wondered if wishing she couldn't remember that night made her a bad person. "I was… Worked up from being around you all night. And… Okay, fine, I was looking at the pics you sent me of you in your new gear. And, well… I had to get off. I guess when I put my phone down,  I hit the screen to call you. I'm sorry. I didn't know until after."
"Don't apologize."
"Right, because you really wanted to hear me fingering myself—" She jerked her head up and stared at him. "You came, too?"
"I was keyed up from being around you all night. Maybe I shouldn't admit it, but listening to you turned me on. And when you screamed my name?" He licked his lips in a way that made her long to feel his tongue on her. "I came hard, Dimples."
"Oh."
"I was gonna try to talk to you after, but I hung up. And I didn't want it to be weird so I didn't call you back. And—"
"So you texted me," she whispered.
"Yeah."
And, suddenly, she had to know. "Did you think of me?"
"Yes."
That gave her a thrill. Slowly, she lowered her knees and dragged her tongue over her lips.
"I thought about it being my fingers instead of yours. Thought about you moaning for me. Thought about how good you'd feel under me," he whispered.
She didn't know where the courage came from. Had she not known him better, she might have thought he'd spiked the tea. She took a sip just to make sure, then set her cup down next to the cooler. Her teeth caught her bottom lip and, watching him sit up slowly, she swallowed. "You wanna find out?"
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offtopicoverload · 3 years
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Any random galaxy thoughts you wanna share? 🧠🧠🧠
so ive been trying to figure out how to answer this for like two days now, and ive got nothing, so im just gonna ramble incoherently about literally whatever comes to mind, but i think thats what you signed up for anyway, so this is on you
im replaying blades rn and nias just the besttttt. i wish more female lis got her treatment, cuz she really wasn't sidelined, like shes fucking there ya know? 
im looking through my ocs birthdays cuz i wanted to include the newbies since heights worked last time, and i totally missed violet’s on the 12th, but olives is soon on the 25th, so thats fun. also love the fact that i accidentally made rue’s valentines day without even thinking about it, and she would hate that, so fun. i also dont have one for izzy cuz i dont think i can get her full chart, the site i used didnt go back far enough for like jupiter and stuff i dont think, but here's the newbies birth charts
Rowan (Second Chance) - 21 September 1999 
Sun - Virgo
Moon - Aquarius 
Mercury - Libra
Venus - Leo
Mars - Sagittarius
Jupiter - Taurus
Saturn - Taurus
Uranus - Aquarius
Neptune - Aquarius
Pluto - Sagittarius
Lilith - Sagittarius
Rising - Gemini
Briar (Late Night Lyrics) - 6 July 1996
Sun - Cancer
Moon - Pisces
Mercury - Cancer
Venus - Gemini
Mars - Gemini
Jupiter - Capricorn
Saturn - Aries
Uranus - Aquarius
Neptune - Capricorn
Pluto - Sagittarius
Lilith - Leo
Rising - Cancer
Oakley (WIP AU) - 26 March 1998
Sun - Aries
Moon - Pisces
Mercury - Aries
Venus - Aquarius
Mars - Aries
Jupiter - Pisces
Saturn - Aries
Uranus - Aquarius
Neptune - Aquarius
Pluto - Sagittarius
Lilith - Libra
Rising - Libra
Rue (Sit and Watch the Hourglass Drain) - 14 February 1992
Sun - Aquarius
Moon - Cancer
Mercury -Aquarius
Venus - Capricorn
Mars - Capricorn
Jupiter - Virgo
Saturn - Aquarius
Uranus - Capricorn
Neptune - Capricorn
Pluto - Scorpio
Lilith - Aquarius
Rising -  Scorpio
my blogs been so empty, so thank you for sending asks and stuff, idk what's going on rn but thank you, you truly are the best aries and i adore you
OH, idk if you play lovestruck, but one of my favourites, nysa, came back yesterday, so thats great, i think i want to write something for her, but it'd be pretty long, so idk. the only idea i have would be to make the time between seasons an actual jump, and to up the stakes, and im not sold on that yet. i already have a million other things to write, but who knows since im entirely unpredictable and unreliable
i think i want to try the thing where you write like everything for a fic, and start dumping out chapters, then i could trust myself not to get distracted, but ALSO, im way too impatient for that, so then were just back at square one, and its getting frustrating and stressful, especially when im not even doing the moodboard thing which was really fun while it lasted
i wanted to make one for allegra cuz ive never seen one for her, but i get why now. i have no idea what to do for her, so i might try again after doing like talia or someone, just to practice
i want to draw rainbow lips. no reason, just want to, and maybe i will
i wish i was better at art, i have this one drawing stuck in my head for months and it'd be so dope to make it, but i suck and cant work on something for very long without getting annoyed about making progress soooooo
maybe ill try traditional stuff again, i always did okay, and maybe i could draw briar or something for you ashfkjddslk
im currently playing a fun game of “am i extra depressed again or just need to get my life together OR do i need to find a new interest?”
but here's the thing. i dont want to find a new interest and abandon all this, i really like it, but litgs super dead, which is just fucking fantastic, and choices is so big and overwhelming, and lovestruck is messy as fuck, so im just hanging out here man. just fucking around
ANYWAY, i wrote a thing, but i dont even know if i can fit it into sawthd, or if itd be a good description, but ima dump it here until i figure it out cuz it kinda vibes, right?-
Do you ever wonder it would be like to to crush something so delicate in the palm of your hand, to watch the glass crack and splinter into shards, to watch them cut your skin like paper, to watch ruby red droplets glitter with the reflections and refractions, sparkle in the light or gleam in the dark? Do you ever wonder how bad it would hurt, for the fragments to slice through you so easily, like a knife cutting butter, a rock splitting waves, a bird parting clouds, a destruction so simple and easy? Do you ever wonder if it would be worth it? If the stinging cuts and splinters stuck in your skin as blood traverses the lines in your palm like water through a river would be worth it, just to watch the fragile remains of something that was once whole sparkle like tiny diamonds, just to watch a million different slivers of yourself staring back at you, just to watch the way everything falls apart, one way or another?
this isn't helping the depression thing is it asdkfjs
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theycallmegothboy · 3 years
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1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!
FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  -spotify  2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess  3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey
4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers  14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size?  -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao   39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy
40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear?  -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)  -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao  49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car?  -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18.  54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job?  -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?  -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?  -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles?  -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?  -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods?  -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons?  -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce?  -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed?  -wouldnt you like to know? ;))  66. have you ever won a spelling bee?  -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw?  -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw?  -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?  -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you?  -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah  78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment  81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor?  -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos?  -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules.  84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier  85. what shirt are you wearing?  -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang  guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high?  -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk?  -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate?  -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter?  -fall. fuck you 96. day or night?  -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month?  -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of?  -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/
felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3
also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3
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chaos-of-the-abyss · 4 years
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Daenerys Targaryen & Varda Elentári
This post is more for my own pleasure than anything, as someone who loves both Dany and Varda. It basically sums up the similarities and/or parallels that I see between the two characters. Anyone else who has anything to add is free to do so.
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Known as the Queen of the Stars and the Star-Kindler, among other titles, Varda is the queen of all of Arda, a planet of the universe Eä created by Eru, the Creator and All-Father, which the Valar and many of the Ainur inhabit. She is the wife of Manwë and considered one of the most powerful beings in the entirety of the Tolkien universe. Varda is intensely beloved by the elves especially due to the fact that she created the stars. It’s said that she’s so beautiful that she can’t be described in words, and that the light of Eru shines from her face.
Not much is known about Varda personally, as the direct appearances that she makes in Tolkien’s works are few. Off the top of my head, I can only recall her being mentioned in person in The Unfinished Tales and The Silmarillion. In all other instances, she is only prayed to, but one can get a pretty good understanding of just how revered she is.
The following is a Sindarin poem directed to Varda, A Elbereth Gilthoniel, by the elves, which they were heard by Frodo saying as they departed to the Undying lands.
Snow-white! Snow-white! O Lady clear! O Queen beyond the Western Seas!  O Light to us that wander here  Amid the world of woven trees! 
Gilthoniel! O Elbereth! Clear are thy eyes and bright thy breath! Snow-white! Snow-white! We sing to thee In a far land beyond the Sea. 
O stars that in the Sunless Year With shining hand by her were sawn, In windy fields now bright and clear We see your silver blossom blown! 
O Elbereth! Gilthoniel! We still remember, we who dwell In this far land beneath the trees, Thy starlight on the Western Seas.
—The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring
With a basic idea of who Varda is, let’s get into the similarities between the two. Some of these are likely just a coincidence, but I find it fun to explore anyway. 
Beautiful
This one is the shallowest, and the easiest to draw comparisons when it comes to the two characters. Varda is said to be unbelievably beautiful:
With Manwë dwells Varda, Lady of the Stars, who knows all the regions of Eä. Too great is her beauty to be declared in the words of Men or of Elves; for the light of Ilúvatar lives still in her face.
—The Silmarillion, Valaquenta
Dany, too, is extremely beautiful, described as some to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
Her silver shied as the merchant prince Xaro Xhoan Daxos rode up to her; the horses could not abide the close presence of camels, she had found. "If you see here anything that you would desire, O most beautiful of women, you have only to speak and it is yours," Xaro called down from his ornate horned saddle. 
—A Clash of Kings, Daenerys II
The most beautiful woman in the world, thought Quentyn. My bride-to-be, if the gods are good. Sometimes at night he lay awake imagining her face and form, and wondering why such a woman would ever want to marry him, of all the princes in the world. I am Dorne, he told himself. She will want Dorne.
—A Dance with Dragons, The Merchant’s Man
Granted, many times, people are trying to flatter Daenerys when calling her that. Nevertheless, Valyrians are known for their otherworldly beauty, and Dany is also undoubtedly beautiful. 
Good judges of character
I can confidently say that Varda is also probably quite a good judge of character. Before any of the other Ainur, she was able to see the darkness of Melkor, a Satan-like figure in the Tolkien mythos who was once the most powerful Vala but rebelled against Eru out of pride and became Morgoth. Thus, Varda distrusted Melkor, rejected an offer that he made to her, and Melkor was said to see her as his greatest rival. 
Out of the deeps of Eä she came to the aid of Manwë; for Melkor she knew from before the making of the Music and rejected him, and he hated her, and feared her more than all others whom Eru made.
—The Silmarillion, Valaquenta
This is pretty impressive, considering that it’s possible that at the time referenced, when Varda “knew” Melkor, even Melkor didn’t know that he was heading down a path of evil. Yet Varda could see the darkness inside him. Besides, Melkor is said to be very good at deception, so the fact that Varda could see through this is a testament to her skill in gauging other people. 
Dany is also a good judge of character. At just thirteen, she’s able to see through much of Illyrio’s flattery and lies when her significantly older brother Viserys was unable to:
"They are your people, and they love you well," Magister Illyrio said amiably. "In holdfasts all across the realm, men lift secret toasts to your health while women sew dragon banners and hide them against the day of your return from across the water." He gave a massive shrug. "Or so my agents tell me."
Dany had no agents, no way of knowing what anyone was doing or thinking across the narrow sea, but she mistrusted Illyrio's sweet words as she mistrusted everything about Illyrio. Her brother was nodding eagerly, however. "I shall kill the Usurper myself," he promised, who had never killed anyone, "as he killed my brother Rhaegar. And Lannister too, the Kingslayer, for what he did to my father."
—A Game of Thrones, Daenerys I
She’s also aware that people are much more treacherous than depicted in the books she reads:
"I'm cold," Dany lied. "Bring me the book I was reading last night." She wanted to lose herself in the words, in other times and other places. The fat leather-bound volume was full of songs and stories from the Seven Kingdoms. Children's stories, if truth be told; too simple and fanciful to be true history. All the heroes were tall and handsome, and you could tell the traitors by their shifty eyes. Yet she loved them all the same. Last night she had been reading of the three princesses in the red tower, locked away by the king for the crime of being beautiful.
—A Storm of Swords, Daenerys VI
Opposition to evil
Significantly, Varda’s realm of power is the light:
With Manwë dwells Varda, Lady of the Stars, who knows all the regions of Eä. Too great is her beauty to be declared in the words of Men or of Elves; for the light of Ilúvatar lives still in her face. In light is her power and her joy.
—The Silmarillion, Valaquenta
Other titles for Varda, besides Queen of the Stars, include Snow-White, Lady of the Stars, and Star-Kindler. There’s an obvious association with light here, especially because stars are the most beloved form of light by the elves, not to mention the earliest sources of light in Arda. 
Melkor, meanwhile, being the overarching villain of the entire Tolkien universe, is associated heavily with darkness. 
Last of all is set the name of Melkor, He who arises in Might. But that name he has forfeited; and the Noldor, who among the Elves suffered most from his malice, will not utter it, and they name him Morgoth, the Dark Enemy of the World.
—The Silmarillion, Valaquenta
Other titles for Melkor include The Black Foe, The Corrupter, The Marrer, The First Dark Lord, and Lord of the Dark. It’s pretty glaringly obvious how strongly Tolkien meant for us to picture him as being the embodiment of darkness. 
This places the quite literally brilliant Varda in direct opposition with him in terms of their elements. In other words, she is heavily associated with and symbolizes something that is the very antithesis of everything the main evil of Tolkien’s works is associated with. 
Just like Varda is heavily associated with light, Dany is heavily associated with fire. It is the element of her house, but beyond that, it’s a personal element for her.
They filled her bath with hot water brought up from the kitchen and scented it with fragrant oils. The girl pulled the rough cotton tunic over Dany's head and helped her into the tub. The water was scalding hot, but Daenerys did not flinch or cry out. She liked the heat. It made her feel clean. Besides, her brother had often told her that it was never too hot for a Targaryen. "Ours is the house of the dragon," he would say. "The fire is in our blood."
—A Game of Thrones, Daenerys I
No, she wanted to shout to him, no, my good knight, do not fear for me. The fire is mine. I am Daenerys Stormborn, daughter of dragons, bride of dragons, mother of dragons, don't you see? Don't you SEE? With a belch of flame and smoke that reached thirty feet into the sky, the pyre collapsed and came down around her. Unafraid, Dany stepped forward into the firestorm, calling to her children.
—A Game of Thrones, Daenerys X
Ten thousand slaves lifted bloodstained hands as she raced by on her silver, riding like the wind. "Mother!" they cried. "Mother, mother!" They were reaching for her, touching her, tugging at her cloak, the hem of her skirt, her foot, her leg, her breast. They wanted her, needed her, the fire, the life, and Dany gasped and opened her arms to give herself to them...
—A Clash of Kings, Daenerys IV
Especially in the above quote, Daenerys is the embodiment of the fire, as acknowledged when she gives “herself” to the slaves that need “the fire”. In addition, fire as life is an ongoing theme in the A Song of Ice and Fire series. It’s shown above in the quote by “the fire, the life”. And the force in direct opposition to the fire is the ice, the cold, the death, which also stands for the undead, who are the main antagonists of the series. 
The real enemy is the cold.
—A Game of Thrones, Prologue
Similarly to how Varda, light, symbolically stands in opposition to Melkor, darkness, Daenerys stands in opposition to the Others, death, thanks to her association with fire, life. Their positions as important, central figures of goodness and hope are expressed through their association to certain elements which contrasts them directly with the elements that the great evils of their respective series are associated with. 
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t0ngue-tech · 4 years
Text
All Yours | Seven
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“’Was I not enough for you…?’
Seolhyun parted her lips but hesitated to say anything. She also dropped her head, possibly trying to get everything in her mind organized.
‘Yoongi, I’m so sorry.’ She said sadly.”
↠fluff, angst, universityAU↞
word count: 4.5k
↠series: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ↞
A/N: yall idk what’s gotten into me. i literally just uploaded a story and here i am with the update of all yours lmao. tbh ive also been working on this chapter for a while so tyj i finished it huhu. enjoy ^-^
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“Come on, Yoongi. Just text her.” You stood in front of your mirror and adjusted your hoodie.
From the moment you woke up, had a cup of coffee, took a shower, and changed into an outfit, Yoongi spent the entire time debating if he really wanted to text Seolhyun. You agreed to go with him to see her because it was his stipulation, but he was the one hesitating.
“You know what, maybe I don’t need closure. It’s all good.” Yoongi placed his phone on your nightstand and laid back down.
“Ugh. Yoongs.” You grumbled and strode over to sit beside him. “Sure you may not need closure, but I know deep down you want to talk about your feelings. You don’t deserve to be cheated on—nobody does. Please text her.”
Yoongi glared at you for a few seconds before he softened his eyes. He mumbled something along the lines of I hate it when you’re right and reached for his phone but took a detour to grab your hand first.
“So, you promise you’re going to come with me? You’re not going to flake out?” He kept his eyes on your fingers as you lazily grazed the back of his hand.
Could he get any more adorable?
“I promise.” You replied earnestly. “But I start work at three today, so keep that in mind.”
Yoongi squeezed your hand and locked eyes with you. Never in your life did you ever picture yourself to be in this position. He held your hands before, mainly to guide you around places when you were extremely drunk but nothing like this. Yoongi had a sweet look in his eye with a smile to match and you were so sure you were dreaming. Yoongi was perfect. Why would Seolhyun want to cheat on him in the first place?
“Okay. Now, go to class.” Yoongi lifted your hand and kissed it. Your cheeks flared a bit and you probably failed to hide the disappointment in him not kissing you on your lips instead.
“Fine. But go outside and take a walk,” you gave him your dorm key. “You need some sunlight.”
After listening to Yoongi’s bullshit excuse about how sunlight was never necessary for him in the first place, you left his side to slip on your sneakers.
Why can’t time just fast forward to later? I just want Yoongi and Seolhyun to meet already so it can all be over with and done. How am I supposed to even focus in class?!
“Wait.”
Yoongi’s voice broke your thoughts and you stood up from your floor. He scooped you by your waist to press your body against his before stealing a long kiss on your lips. You felt your entire body relax and you clutched onto his nape to support yourself.
“You may have more knowledge about people’s behaviors and shit, but I know you well enough that you were waiting for that, right?” Yoongi said with a smirk after breaking the kiss. Your face bloomed crimson and you playfully shoved him a few inches away from you.
“Bye, Yoongi.” You walked away from him with bliss coursing through you and just before you stepped out of your dorm, you caught the satisfied grin on Yoongi’s face.
↠↞
I will die in this developmental psychology class, I swear.
Time in your psychology class always ticked on like you had nothing else planned for the day. You jotted down chicken scratch notes, promising yourself to fix them up when you had time later; thank goodness your professor put up the lecture slides at 7pm on the same day of class. You began to mindlessly doodle at the bottom of your paper.
So many things could go wrong later.
Three stick figures were drawn at the bottom; one with a crude drawing of a beanie, one with hair just below its “shoulders”, and one with long hair blacked out with your pen. You drew scribbles of symbols around the drawing of the figure with long hair indicating how pissed off Seolhyun would be if she saw you two together.
Ugh. I can hear her voice now.
“Why did you bring her?”
“Unless you were cheating on me first!”
You scribbled all over the drawing and turned over the page.
The same stick figures were drawn at the top this time and instead of symbols, you drew tears coming from the figure with long hair and hearts around the beanie figure; Seolhyun would be in tears, apologizing and begging Yoongi for forgiveness and he would play right into her and fall in love all over again.
This time, you fiercely scribbled over the drawing.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Like clockwork, you drew the stick figures. Hearts were drawn around the beanie and medium haired figures while the last one had a giant X covering its face; Seolhyun is completely cut out of the picture and forced to watch how lovey-dovey you and Yoongi were.
This drawing caused your face to heat up a little. There was no way Yoongi would show any affection towards you in front of her because he wasn’t the type to purposely make matters worse.
One last time the figures were drawn back onto your paper and this time, you drew speech bubbles with squiggly lines inside that ended with periods and a few exclamation points. The most likely scenario would be a calm conversation with a few outbursts between Yoongi and Seolhyun. The last thing anyone would want is making a huge scene in front of everyone—
Wait, I don’t even know where they’re meeting!
[10:32] You: hey, where are you two going to have this conversation anyway??????????
Yoongi’s reply came through like lightning.
[10:33] Yoongz: You know the benches outside of the library?
[10:33] Yoongz: There.
Great. We’re going to be in public…
His texts didn’t stop there.
[10:35] Yoongz: I told her to meet me at 11:15 so that you have time to be here before she comes.
[10:35] Yoongz: I’ll be wearing the light brown coat you gave me for my birthday and the blue beanie you hate so much
[10:36] Yoongz: You’ll be able to find me pretty easily.
That damn beanie.
The mental image of Yoongi in the blue beanie made you snicker, but you quickly cleared your throat realizing you were in class laughing to yourself like an idiot.
[10:40] You: okay. i’ll see you then
[10:40] You: fuk that beanie doe omfg.
↠↞
“So you’re seriously going to be there? With Yoongi and Seolhyun? Possibly arguing in front of you? Right in front of your salad?!”
Walking to the library, you gave Hani a quick call to update her with everything that had happened since you told her about Seolhyun cheating on Yoongi.
“Yes, right in front of my salad.” You laughed. “To be honest, I’m kind of scared. Like why did Yoongi have to say he kissed me! Actually… I don’t know what would be worse, her knowing the truth or his lie.”
“Either way she’s going to raise hell, but if you need me, you call and I’ll come running!”
You smiled softly. Hani was serious in the most endearing way possible.
“I know—” Yoongi’s blue beanie stood out at a table underneath one of the large trees. “Yoongi’s there. I’ll call you later Hani or better yet, I work at three so you can come to the coffee shop anytime after that and I’ll update you on what happens.”
“Okay. Be safe. I love you!”
“I love you, too.”
You took a deep breath and approached Yoongi who had two cups of coffee and two sandwiches sitting in front of him. As much as you hated that damn beanie, he still looked as handsome as ever.
“Hi, Yoongs.” You smiled.
Yoongi instantly smiled at the sight of you. “Hey—no, sit by me.” He reached for your hand to stop you from sitting across from him and tugged you over to sit beside him instead.
The action startled you and almost made you lose your footing, but Yoongi supported you by the waist to let you sit down without injury.
“Th-Thanks.” You stuttered.
“Oh, here you go by the way.” He handed you a paper gift bag that he probably stole from your closet. “You left your work shirt and shoes. There’s also a water bottle in here because you need actual hydration and not just coffee swimming throughout your bloodstream.”
Everything he mentioned was sitting neatly inside the bag and your smile was impossible to hide. You’ve been nervous and jittery about meeting with Seolhyun that you completely forgot about your work clothes. Yoongi was a life saver.
“Thank you, Yoongi.” You breathed.
“Of course. Now eat, you didn’t even have breakfast this morning.”
As you had brunch, you spent the time complaining to Yoongi about how developmental psychology makes you want to jab multiple pens in your eyes. He argued that you say that about every class you have and even flicked your forehead.
“You’re doing great though, so keep on keepin’ on.” Yoongi rubbed the spot he flicked with the pad of his thumb.
You felt the weight of your school work elevate at the touch of his finger. Yoongi had the power to relieve any stress that you had in the palm of his hand and it amazed you. Maybe this was just the effect of you being whipped for him for almost a year. It sounded pathetic, but you enjoyed it nonetheless.
“A-hem.”
Both you and Yoongi tore your eyes away from each other to find Seolhyun standing at the opposite side of the table with her arms folded across her chest. Her eyebrows were furrowed and daggers shot from her eyes right into your own. The aura that came off of her was no less than intimidating and you felt as if your soul left your body.
Fuck.
↠↞
“What is she doing here?!” Seolhyun barked as she took a seat.
“I asked her to come so just leave her be.” Yoongi spat.
You silently observed Seolhyun’s outfit; she wore a casual black dress that stopped above mid-thigh and had a deep v-neck line. A cream cardigan hugged her frame and she even made time to put on makeup and curl your hair. If your suspicions were correct, she dressed that way on purpose to use her looks to win back Yoongi somehow. Seolhyun was honestly gorgeous which made you nervous. What if it reeled him back in? 
She cleared her throat again and avoided eye contact with Yoongi. “Thank you for meeting with me.” Her voice grew softer and softer towards the end of her sentence and she fiddled with the ends of her hair. This gave off a vulnerable look, almost “cute”. 
“Okay.” Yoongi said sharply.
The tension in the air was suffocating and all you wanted to do was run away, but Yoongi kept his hand on your knee underneath the table to keep you at bay.
“So? Anything else you need to say?” Yoongi kept the same tone of voice, annoyed. He truly didn’t want to be here.
“Sigh. I’m sorry okay? God, can we just talk without you being mad at me?!” Seolhyun raised her voice a bit.
“Of course I’m mad! How the hell am I supposed to be feeling? You cheated on me!” Yoongi raised his voice as well and you were even more nervous. You three were sitting in public with students walking by and you were praying to God that everyone was just minding their own business.
“Y-You cheated on me too! You—!” She pointed at him. “—kissed her!” Her finger was now on you.
Yoongi furrowed his brows and squeezed your knee. “Alright, fine. I kissed her once and like I said, I knew I had to tell you because I was feeling so fucking guilty about what I did. You were my girlfriend, Seolhyun! I had to be honest with you.”
Seolhyun tightly pursed her lips together, probably stopping herself from saying anything else.
“How…” Yoongi breathed. “How long have you been…”
Your eyes softened at the sight of Yoongi faltering. He didn’t want to say it. You reached beneath the table to hold that had that was on top of your knee. Instantly, you watched his shoulders relax.
“Um…” Seolhyun chewed on her bottom lip and picked at the skin around her nails. “Just-Just once..”
Bullshit.
“Don’t you think Yoongi deserves a lot more honesty that?” You boldly questioned. Talking was never part of your agenda, but it’s true, he deserved to know the truth after tearing himself apart from agonizing over his self-worth.
“Excuse me?” Seolhyun stared you down and you couldn’t back down no matter how much you wanted to.
“I–I don’t think you’re telling him the truth.” You tried to sound confident, but your stutter gave it away.
Seolhyun scoffed and crossed her arms. “Who do you think you—”
“She’s right. I don’t think you’re telling me the truth either.” Yoongi interjected. “For Seung Ho to talk to y/n about our situation kind of shows how close you two really are.”
“My thoughts exactly.” You said softly.
Seolhyun aggressively scratched the back of her head. “Ugh. Two months!” She blurted out. “Two-fucking-months! There’s the truth! Happy now?”
Your eyes widened then turned to Yoongi who was looking in Seolhyun’s direction with an empty expression. After remaining quiet for about a minute, a low chuckle pushed past his lips.
“Is that why we’ve been fighting so much lately?” There were hints of both sadness and anger in his tone. “This was why you’ve been so short with me? You would cut our dates short—it was because you would rendezvous with Seung Ho?”
“Y-Yoongi.” You whispered and gently rubbed the back of his hand, trying to calm him down.
“Do you know what the fuck I’ve been going through because of this?! I continuously questioned what I was doing wrong—was I not making you happy anymore? Did I do something to piss you off? Was I not buying you enough flowers on the weekends? Altering my class schedule to match yours wasn’t enough? Skipping class to spend time with you? I talked my friends’ ears off trying to figure out why I didn’t seem important in your eyes anymore…” Yoongi kept his head down and squeezed your hand to the point where his nails could draw blood from your skin. “Was I not enough for you…?”
Seolhyun parted her lips but hesitated to say anything. She also dropped her head, possibly trying to get everything in her mind organized.
“Yoongi, I’m so sorry.” She said sadly.
For the first time in a while, she sounded genuine.
“You were enough for me, but I—I guess… I guess I was being selfish and I wanted more.” Seolhyun lifted her eyes in search of Yoongi’s but he still kept his head down.
“You could’ve told me.” Yoongi choked out. “You could’ve talked to me about how you were feeling and maybe—maybe things could’ve worked out.”
It was your turn to lower your head. This was truly an issue between Yoongi and Seolhyun. There was no reason for you to inject yourself into the conversation anymore.
“Is there any way we could work past this?” Seolhyun asked.
Yoongi finally met her eyes. “No. No way in hell.”
He fumbled with your hand to let go and reached into his pocket to pull out his keyring and wallet. He detached Seolhyun’s dorm key and pulled out a polaroid photo of her from inside his wallet. “Here. I don’t need these anymore.”
Yoongi reached back underneath the table in search of your hand and you stealthy met him halfway.
“Please. Just go, Seolhyun. We’re done here.” Yoongi said firmly.
Seolhyun sat there for a couple seconds and then reached forward to retrieve her belongings. As she stood up from the table, she kept her eyes on Yoongi hoping he would say something else, but he remained silent. Shortly after, Seolhyun took her leave without Yoongi sparing her a single glance.
↠↞
Even with the hustle and bustle of students walking all over campus, the world had never been so quiet. Yoongi had his head down, face buried in the crook of his elbow while still holding onto your hand. You weren’t sure when was the best time to speak, so you kept quiet waiting for him to break the silence first.
It almost physically hurt staring at Yoongi. He had been bottling up so many painful emotions to the point where it almost consumed him. He didn’t deserve to go through this.
“Y/n?” Yoongi finally spoke, but the rest of his sentence was muffled behind his coat sleeve.
“I-I’m sorry, Yoongi. I can’t really hear you.”
“Thank you for coming with me.” He turned his head and made heavy eye contact with you. “Saying all those things… I don’t think I would've been able to do it on my own, but you being here gave me strength to do so.”
His words caused a noticeable blush to form on your cheeks. He chuckled and sat up straight to tuck a few of your hairs behind your ears.
“I think you have enough time left to get to your next class from here. I’ll walk you.” Yoongi lifted you up by your arm and you almost didn’t want to go to class. All you wanted was to sit around and hold his hand all day. The thought of that made you blush even more and this made Yoongi laugh a little harder. “What’s the matter with you? Come on.”
Unfortunately, Yoongi didn’t hold your hand when he walked you to class. This was probably because it felt too soon to do so in public. It’s not like he and Seolhyun were the campus couple, but people might get the wrong idea if they knew they were dating.
After the whole thing with Yoongi and Seolhyun, it made it even harder for you to concentrate. Now that they were broken up, who knows if Yoongi still had anymore underlying feelings for her. They were together for a year, so there had to be some leftover right? Plus, Yoongi made a comment the other night about how he thought about why you kissed him and that he “figured it out.” This meant a whole new conversation, a whole new reason to be nervous.
Fucking great.
This was a conversation you weren’t looking forward to. You needed to prepare yourself somehow, but it seemed like no matter how much you could mentally prepare yourself, you still wouldn’t be ready. After knowing Yoongi for roughly a little over two years and falling for him like an idiot, never in your life did you imagine him finding out about how you felt about him.
You would be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t even a little happy. You kissed Yoongi, held his hand, and even shared a bed with him with your feelings unknowingly exposed in the air. It made you giddy; butterflies roaming around in your stomach, fighting the urge to smile whenever you thought about him. If only the circumstances were different, life would’ve been near perfect for you.
Class dragged on, notes were written down, doodles were drawn, and next thing you knew, you were tying your work apron around your waist.
“Where’s Yoongi? He didn’t walk you here?” Seokjin asked.
“Nah. His energy gauge was pretty much empty by the time he was done talking with Seolhyun so he decided to just nap for a few hours.”
“Okay, so, what’s the tea?” Seokjin stood near you, eagerly waiting for you to tell him all the juicy details.
You playfully shoved him away and walked over to the espresso machine. “I’m not saying anything until Hani gets here.”
“Aw, come on, y/n. She won’t be here till like five or something!”
You chuckled to yourself and continued to ignore all of Seokjin’s pleads for information.
The moment Hani walked through the coffee shop doors, the first words she shouted was “okay bitch, bring forth the tea!”—this was said with a shop full of students. You were immediately put on the spot, but Hani’s intentions meant well.
You made sure to include all details of the confrontation when you told Seokjin and Hani about it. You also made sure to keep your voice low because you weren’t sure who knew Seolhyun, Yoongi, or even Seung Ho. This wasn’t your story to tell, but both Hani and Seokjin were there from the beginning so it seemed fitting for them to know it all too.
Evening came just as quickly as your shift started. Hani didn’t mean to stay so late, but she got pretty invested in the situation between Seolhyun and Yoongi. Both you and Seokjin did his best to keep all of Hani’s reactions at bay, but you had to admit, it was entertaining. At least she was nice enough to help the coffee shop employees close up.
“Wouldn’t your knight in shining armor show up by now?” Hani joked. 
“You need to relax—oh, bye!” You chuckled and threatened her with a broomstick and waved two of your co-workers who were heading out.
“It’s true, y/n. He’s supposed to waltz in here and be like ‘my lady, I have arrived. Your chariot awaits.’” Seokjin pranced around the room and even bowed and took your hand in his.
“And by ‘chariot’, you mean his legs right? Because the dorms are within walking distance?” You laughed.
“Well, yes, b-but anyways let me finish,” Seokjin cleared his throat. “So your knight in shining armor swoops in—” he went from holding your hand to picking you up bridal style. “—picks you up and saves you from the dungeon aka the coffee shop! And then Yoongi says—”
“Seokjin, what in zakum’s name are you doing?”
At the mention of his name coming from behind him, Seokjin froze in his tracks and turned around to find Yoongi staring at him with a questionable look.
“I—uh—” Seokjin panicked, almost dropping you on the floor but he still managed to place you back on your feet. “Alrighty-roo, well, Hani—babe, shall we take our leave?”
All Hani could do was laugh until her stomach hurt and Seokjin dragged her out of the coffee shop by her hand; she laughed so much that she could barely properly say bye to you and Yoongi.
“Do I even want to know?” Yoongi asked hesitantly.
“No, you really don’t.”
Yoongi helped you flip up the chairs onto the table while you continued to sweep the floor. As you two cleaned up, you proceeded to tell him about your day and apologized for telling Seokjin and Hani what happened in the afternoon. He brushed it off because he also trusted them.
Unlike your busy day, Yoongi spent his entire day eating, sleeping, and watching netflix; he exaggerated that it was a packed schedule. He even mentioned that Seolhyun still tried to call and text him, but he ignored every single attempt.
“You know, I think she dressed up that way today to lure you back to her with her looks.” You confessed.
“Huh. You think so?” Yoongi walked behind the counter where you were wiping around the sink.
You shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah, I mean, it’s been pretty cold lately and she shows up in an outfit that could barely keep her warm. She curled her hair, put on makeup, like why is doing all of that necessary to meet up with you? It seems so—what?”
Yoongi was just staring at you with a smirk plastered on his face. “Were you worried that it was going to work?”
A blush bloomed on your cheeks. “N-No. I just think it was ridiculous, that’s all.”
He stepped closer and stood behind you, placing his hands on the metal countertop to cage you in between his arms.
“You know, you observe others pretty well but from my observations from knowing you, you kind of suck at lying.” Yoongi laughed and you forced a chuckle out. You weren’t going to even deny it.
From the counter, Yoongi lifted his hands to secure them around your waist, hugging you from behind. You made a few attempts to move around to clean the counter properly, but he remained.
“Yoongi, I have to clean.” You chuckled.
“Just—” He briefly let you go to spin you around so he could hug you from the front. “Five minutes. Let’s stay like this for five minutes, please.”
It was such a genuine request, how could you say no?
Yoongi was leaning into you with his face buried in the crook of your neck. You had your arms lazily slung around his shoulders and just listened to his faint breathing. The blonde tips of his hair tickled your nose a bit, so you gently slide your hand across his nape to brush down his hair. He hugged you tighter at your sudden action and sighed.
“You’re really going to touch me like that, y/n?” The teasing tone in his voice was enough to raise your temperature and cause a blush to appear on your cheeks.
“Y-Yoongi!” You tried to push him away, already feeling embarrassed, but he just continued to hold you.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Yoongi snickered. “It’s fine, keep touching my hair.”
You were still feeling embarrassed because that was the first time Yoongi used that tone of voice with you. Nonetheless, you listened and continued to stroke his hair. Thankfully he didn’t wear that awful beanie.
Yoongi didn’t say another word and every once in a while, he’d caress your back and readjust himself. Small sparks ignited at the simplest touch and for some reason you wanted to laugh. This was everything you wanted but it did confuse you as to how comfortable Yoongi was doing all of this to you. All you did was kiss him once and the next moment he’s acting as if you two were dating for years.
“Okay, I’m recharged. Continue your cleaning.” He emerged from your body and cupped your cheek. Even if you were the one embarrassed, Yoongi still had a hue of pink displayed at the tops of his cheeks.
For the next ten minutes, you swiftly cleaned up the stations and tossed out the garbage in the dumpster out back. Yoongi waited patiently and even gathered all of your things for you from the back room.
“So you’re opening tomorrow?” Yoongi asked whilst helping you adjust your hoodie.
“Sadly, yeah. So we can talk first then I’ll head straight to bed.”
“We can talk tomorrow, it’s fine. You need your rest.”
“B-But—”
Yoongi stole another kiss from you, probably to shut you up and it worked; it left you utterly speechless. You had to get used to this somehow.
“Tomorrow.” Yoongi whispered. “For now, let’s go home.”
Home?
There was no doubt that Yoongi was referring to your dorm as home since he stayed there the entire day. The idea of him considering your place as “home” gave you butterflies.
Home was a safe sanctuary. Home was a place where someone can easily unravel themselves to be at peace. Home was where the heart was and Yoongi was there with you.
“Yeah.” You blushed. “Let’s go home.”
-
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-
♡ rae jagi
40 notes · View notes
laughingpinecone · 3 years
Text
Yuletide letter
I am laughingpineapple on AO3  
Hello dear author! I hope you’ll have fun with our match. Feel free to draw from general or fandom-specific likes, past letters, and/or follow your heart.
Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic (when in doubt, tell me what’s happening to them five, ten, twenty years in the future!), hurt/comfort, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, tropey plots that are already close enough to characters/canon, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploring the ~deep lore, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played entirely straight, sensory details, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships), emphasis on inhuman traits of characters who were human once and have sort of shed it all behind
Cool with: any tense, any pov, any rating, plotty, not plotty, IF, unrequested characters popping up.
DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay!), canon retellings, consent issues, actual covid (fantasy plagues are okay)
Les Cités Obscures: any
This is a very general “please, anything in the style of canon, just maybe with less thoughtless sexism” request. I want to lose myself in these cities again, and in the strange lands that connect them. I’d be happy to follow any of the known characters and/or OCs, or eschew characters altogether and write about the cities themselves. What caught your imagination in Brüsel, Xhystos, Taxandria, Alaxis...? The history of some cool building that was only marginally featured in one of the stories? Or an OC city! If you’ve got a favourite European city that doesn’t already have its obscure counterpart, please tell me all about it! Go big, go wild! What strange and classically surrealist happenings take place within its walls? Or even... outside Europe... Nerding out about architecture is of course very welcome. I would also love to read a story based on any Schuiten illustration, contextualizing it as if it were part of this ‘verse. Here’s a bunch of them, for example!
Ghost Trick: Cabanela
You know.. him. Dazzlingly OTT, untiring, rock-solid self-esteem, loyal to a fault, following a rhythm of his own, flawless intuition until it fails and it all burns down… him. I just want to see more of him doing stuff! The way he’s chill and open toward new people (like Sissel and Missile in ch15) makes him perfect to throw at most other characters and see how they react to the sparkles… I’d love some focus on how ridiculous his aesthetic is, half Saturday Night Fever half hardboiled detective half bubbly preteen (for a total of 150%) and yet he makes it work. Or how ruthless he can be, possibly for the sake of the people he cares for. The quote “The intimacy of big parties”. Him and Alma in the new timeline bonding over knowing (once Jowd has spilled the beans) but not remembering that terrible timeline. Some tropey scenario on the job. Snark-offs with Pigeon Man, by which I mean PM snarks and it bounces off him like water off a spotless white goose’s back.
Ship-wise it’s only Cabanela/Jowd whenever it’s not infidelity, Cabanela/Alma in what-ifs also if it’s not infidelity and Cabanela/Alma/Jowd for me (and Lynne/Memry and Yomiel/fianSissel on the side). There are a bunch of shippy prompts in all my past letters - I would however reiterate here that Jowd. is. the worst tease. always. Like, just saying, but assume he’s pining big time and Jowd and Alma figure it out - they’d make a national sport out of excruciatingly protracted teasing.
Conversely, Cabanela/Lynne and Cabanela/Yomiel are NOTPs especially from Cabanela’s side. So while I appreciate the thick tension of a good Yomiel VS Cabanela confrontation like everyone and their cat, and also really appreciate a roughed-up Cabanela, and I do love Yomiel in his own right… I don’t want Cabanela being into it. Adrenaline junkie he may be but this hurts and his coat’s a mess and there’s no perfect winning scenario so he hates every second of it. (JOWD being super into Cabanela being roughed up is another matter altogether and he should probably mind his own business. ...incompatible kinks, truly tragic. they’ll have to find some other common ground. they’re smart, resourceful, playful fellows, I’m sure they’ll manage)
Kentucky Route Zero: Donald kentuckyroutezero
I love everyone in the cast, all acts and interludes, and I am extremely into all the themes this incredible work of art ended up exploring. Agreeing with the overall doom and gloom up to Act IV, I was blown away by Act V’s strong affirmation of the importance of the arts and of the bonds we make and of carving up spaces for ourselves in capitalism’s wake. Donald was, indeed, not a part of any of that. Even the final interlude updates us on Lula and mentions Joseph, but the big guy is nowhere to be seen. So, you know, there’s fanfiction! He’s so static, defeated. I am fascinated by the chain of metaphysical spaces that goes surface -> Zero -> Echo -> Dogwood and even within that framework, the hall of the mountain king is like a hopeless dead end. Dude’s terminally stuck. So - once again, in the spirit of transformative works, how could he get... you know... unstuck? Did Lula’s momentous appearance in Act III shake him? Having a functioning Xanadu again, perhaps? How could he interrogate that oracle, what recursive wonders would it show him? If he decides to leave, what does it feel to be on the surface again after so long, or on the river perhaps? Maybe he is forced to leave by the flood, if not this one, the next... Having him meet any other character would be amazing. Past or future time spent with Weaver... seeing Conway again, changed... programmer guy chatting up musician androids... did he know Carrington from his college days or was Carrington only a friend of Lula’s?
As for Lula herself and Joseph too: “Flipping through the pages, Conway is able to gather that it’s a story about three characters: Joseph, Donald, and Lula. It’s something like a tragic love triangle, but much more complex. Some kind of tangled, painfully concave love polygon.” 😔 I ship them as a full triad, if you can nudge them in that direction, good. But I’m very open to non-romantic resolutions as well, going past their messy feelings to find each other as friends after so many years maybe. Or... a start. idk.
I’d be interested in fic that leans on the game’s adjacent genres: wanna go full-on American Gothic? Dip into surrealism? Take a leaf from Twin Peaks with tulpa / split narratives to explore the characters’ issues? I’m also open to AUs, real or through Xanadu. This also feels like a good place to stress that I really, really like caves.
And now for something completely different: FAQ:  The “Snake Fight” Portion of Your Thesis Defense is in the tagset this year. I’d say that the crossover with the snake portion of Here and there along the Echo writes itself, but it would not be correct, as in fact I would like you to write it for me. Feel free to not feature Donald if you focus on this crossover instead!
Uru would be a fun crossover too, for Donald specifically. He’s very DRC-shaped in how he tilts at doomed projects which just so happen to be deep underground.
Pyre: Volfred Sandalwood
This is a Volfred solo, Volfred&literally anyone or Volfred/Tariq, /Oralech or /Tariq/Oralech request. I adore everyone in that Blackwagon+Dalbert+Celeste, so if you want to add a Nightwing or two to any prompt, please do! I also love all the Scribes and find Erisa a compelling tragic figure, while out of the other triumvirates, I’m “love to hate them” for Manley, Brighton, Udmildhe and Deluge and would not like to see them featured in sympathetic roles. fwiw I also enjoy Jodi/Celeste and Bertrude/Pamitha a lot!
I feel deeply for all of Pyre’s main themes - literacy, degrees of freedom, the fragile time that is the end of a historical cycle, nobodies rising up to the occasion, building a better society, and of course found family, “distance cannot separate our spirits” and all that jazz, and Volfred is squarely rooted at the center of all of them. I really really love everything he stands for, even if he’s overbearingly smug in standing for it. Just please tell me things about my fave. His relationship to the Scribes (as a historian, a some kind of vision, via *ae or once he’s a star himself)? A ‘forced vacay’ Downside ending where he looks at the Union from afar and keeps living in this strange transformational place? Life in a cramped Blackwagon that was meant for like 5 people tops and is currently eight Nightwings, a herald and an orb? Since he picked him for the job to begin with, does he respect and cherish Hedwyn as he dang well should? What does it feel like to try and Read a herald? Was he ever in danger, in the Commonwealth or in the Downside? What daring act of resistance did he and Bertrude pull off at some point in their past? It’d be cool if one of his old pamphlets came up at some point. Does he puff up as prime minister because he’s nervous, and who can see past his hyper-professionalism and lend a hand? Please roast him big time about the votes he assigns to the various Nightwings in his planner? What’s his attitude toward the flame’s purification (what with being a tree but mostly like, as a general concept. He did nothing wrong!) (well he definitely said some things wrong and sometimes oftentimes the ego jumps out, but his intentions did nothing wrong)? When did his calculating approach fail him? Something with Pamitha along the lines of that edit that goes “Can we talk, one ten to another?“/"I am an eleven, my girl, but continue”? Dude could easily be voted sexiest voice in the Downside - how much is he aware of it? Does he sing? I love how he bears his ‘reader’ brand proudly. And speaking of scars, I have to wonder, looking at Manley for comparison, if the shape of his head, with that massive crack, isn’t also due to injuries.
As a refrain from my general likes: emphatically yes xeno to both shippy interactions at all ratings and to gen explorations of what a Sap is like… I’d love to read all your headcanons.
Ship-wise, I enjoy him with Tariq as this kind of esoteric connection of minds, guarded words full of secret meanings, long contemplative walks together (is any external pov watching...?), Volfred’s Reader powers brushing against Tariq’s mind and getting weak in the knees at the starlit expanse he finds there, so unlike mortal thoughts. Tariq finds his individuality learning from him; Volfred presumably gets a transcendent glimpse of the Scribes. And I enjoy him with Oralech as pretty much the opposite of that, Oralech is so very mortal compared to him, such a precious, fleeting, burning life especially after his fall. Oralech’s idealism is very dear to me, it was their plan, their shared revolutionary spirit, I find it deeply moving. And I am very interested in seeing them rebuild their connection now that Oralech is back, changed, and in some ways he can learn to let go of his misconceptions and slowly open himself to Volfred’s love again, but in other ways that’s who he is now, with this deep-set anger, and what does it even feel to realize that you’re the symbol of the end of an era (the end of the Rites, the fading of the Scribes). I’m interested in both topside and downside endings for all of them, as long as they end up on the same side, the revolution was peaceful and they don’t angst too much about the side they ended in. Tariq can ‘find his way home’ in the near post-canon somehow or even be summoned again, as a different aspect of the same ‘moonlit vision’ that once inspired Soliam Murr.
Strandbeest: any
https://www.strandbeest.com/
I would just like words to go with these, please and thank you so very much. Worldbuild to your heart’s content! Specifically: I’m fascinated by the premise that the strandbeest are living creatures that evolve and adapt to their ecosystem. A world where life is just wind stomachs and sandy joints, and the tide that can catch you unaware. I would like a story that feels distinctly inorganic. The wonder that is the existence of these creatures. Their unique struggles. Weird and experimental if you like. With a mechanical focus, maybe?
I nominated four critters as a selection of the different cool things they can do - Percipiere Excelsus is huge and has the hammer mechanism, Suspendisse’s tail senses the hardness of the sand, Uminami is my fave caterpillar and the caterpillars overall feel like a new paradigm after a mass extinction event, Ader straight-up flies... but they’re all wonderful. If you want to focus on different strandbeest, please do!
Twin Peaks: Lucy Moran
Case fic but they don’t find out jack shit, someone disappears, David Bowie was there, it’s complicated. Fragmented, shifted, mirrored identities. New Lodge spaces. The risks of staring into the void for too long. Gentle illusions. Transcendence. The moon. Static buzzing. Any title from the s3 ethereal whooshing compilation used as a prompt, actually. Whatever goes on on Blue Pine mountain or the even more mysterious things that go on on White Tail mountain where exactly zero canon locations are found. Twin Peaks is all about the mystery to me, the awe of mystery and unknowability and the human drive to look beyond and the risks of getting a peek, and about shared consciousness and trauma taking physical form in an uncaring world. Go wild with the ethereal whooshing! But I also love the human warmth at the heart of it all, and sometimes it’s enough to anchor these characters and let them have a nice day. A fic entirely focused on some instance of coziness against the cold chaotic background of canon would be great too.
For Lucy specifically, a big draw for me is how canon (...s2 need not apply) empathizes with her way of processing the world. Not just Peaks, but On the Air’s protag who is basically a Lucy expy also gets the narrative completely on her side and that’s great. And I love how in s3, her focus on the small things around her is always echoed by bigger, climactic events beyond her horizon (bunnies / Jack Rabbit’s palace, chair order / Garland’s chair, her first scene talking about the two sheriffs / doubles everywhere...). It feels to me like some kind of off-kilter mindfulness and I love it. She’s also got a loving husband and an amazing son, which, in this economy and also this canon? Damn. The one functional family, imagine that. I am not interested in focus on family dynamics, but singularly, either Lucy/Andy or Lucy&Wally are great - in particular, I’m interested in how strange they are and yet they make it work. With the ruthless critique of traditional family structure that’s all over canon, maybe they make it work specifically because they’re not doing any of that. A bit like the Addams family... but... not goth...? Anyway. I’d love to see Lucy interact with and maybe strike a friendship with any character she’s never shared a scene with in canon! In the tagset, there’s Diane for some secretaries bonding, Audrey because??? why not?, Albert because it’d be an epic enemies to friends slowburn, some version of Laura in the future, if we’re feeling really daring maybe even some version of Coop in the future, still fragmented... or anyone you want! Outside the tagset I’d be curious about Hawk, Margaret and maybe Doris in particular, I think, and Phil, and Nadine and the Invitation to Love fandom in general (Frost says it still airs - did it get as weird as TP s3 did?), but if you have an idea with someone else, absolutely go for it!
Canon-specific DNWs: any singular Dreamer being the ‘source’ of canon, BOB (let alone Judy) being forever defeated in the finale, Judy being an active malevolent presence in the characters’ lives, clear explanations for canonical ambiguities, ‘Odessaverse’ being the reality layer, the Fireman’s House by the Sea being the White Lodge, whatever Twin Perfect’s on about, Cooper/Audrey, Cooper/Laura
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