#i literally hate myself

[leimoredifame]

sorry i’ve not been active!!

a few updates:

currently weighing in at a solid…. 152lbs! which i’m super surprised at btw cause i’ve been forced to eat semi okay recently so progress?!??

im gonna continue to post regularly now and hopefully shed some more weight cause i’m still a fat fuck

#tw ana trigger #pro @na #st4rv1ng #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #disordered eating thoughts #pro4ana #th1nsp1ration #tw restrictive ed #i literally hate myself #fuck food #i want to be emaciated

[mothwingedmyths]

The immortal slugpups mod is a scam

#rain world #yes this means what you think it means #i literally hate myself

[gossiping-about-dead-ppl]

wolfgang AMONGUS mozart you say??

#i literally hate myself #lancelot ranbles

[theharddeck]

not to be such a bitch on main (and tossing this in my queue so it's not subtweeting) but california people do not say 'cali'. you can be from the valley, you can be from the bay area, you can be from socal, but you are not from cali

#i literally hate myself #it's this and when people say “oh take 1” NO IT'S TAKE THE ONE #i am pretentious for no reason i am so sorry

[hugheshugs]

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#riri vents #ive never rlly done this before #like vented in the tags #and i dont want this to become a normal thing #but my dad left again (he went back to his home country for a bit) and idk when hes coming back #and pcos has made me unlovable #i literally hate myself #i want to write but i have no energy #and trying my best isnt enough #nothing good ever happens :) but thats okay i guess #i know i was ranting but im still thankful for this life and everything #if u read all this thank u i love u #but i dont think anyone did #god i wanna delete this okay bye ily

[eternitwo]

when you really want to be a good person but the ✨ n e g a t i v i t y ✨ you live with makes you feel like you never will

or if you do change people will start talking about it and you’re insecure self doesn’t want to deal with that

#sadness #i just wanna be a good person #i literally hate myself #why cant i ever change

[carwoodron]

update on how that quick one shot 10k words at most is going

#i literally hate myself #but i love this fic so 🤷 it is what it is #and it was meant to end in 1944 before d day but. yeah im writing a second part too #the dynamics are too interesting to not be explored in wartime #i wasnt gonna but then i talked to my fic consultor (my brother lmao) and he motivated me to keep writing sooo.. #he also was like So have u got anything yet the plot or smth? and i was like yeah kind of im 20k words in #that was just this wednesday ive been writing a lot. I'm like more invested than i was in writing alls fire #bc this one's better :) its coming along so nicely #once again local girl cant believe their fics get better the more they write

[boys-with-gunss]

Idgaf I seperate the art from the artist (Kanye, Marilyn Manson, Falling in Reverse, Mayhem, P!ATD, MSI)

#seperate the art from the artist #kid in an army t shirt #shut up no one cares #i literally hate myself #:33333

[j3ssicat-gr4nde]

Though all my dreams are nightmares, why are they so much more comforting than real life?

#tired of everything #too tired to care #depressing diary #this is depressing #thinking too much #mentally drained #i literally hate myself #nightmares and daydreams

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[glindyupland]

.

#AHAHAHHAHA #I LITERALLY HATE MYSELF #Glindy’s Posts #tw #literally hate myself literally why can’t I do anything right what the f*** #gonna have a nice little panic attack #literally every single mistake I make is being watched rn and this one is etched in writing #fuck fuck fuck #I’m gonna die worthless #I’m gonna lose all of my friends #I’m going to be a dissapointment to my family forever #Iiiiiii hate myself so f***ing much

[hopeless-hetalian174]

So I had a temp job that paid really well for like a month and they recently relived me of my position. I haven’t told my mom because she will flip absolute shit bc I have house bills + 2 cars payments. My boyfriend lives with us and has a job that pays just enough to cover most of the bills so I have time to find another job if I just spam applications until the end of the month. Because my mother is like a demon sent from satan himself when she’s pissed I wake up at 6am during the weekdays and have my boyfriend pretend to drive me to work. (we just sit in a local park parking lot for about 45 minutes and then he drives home). I apply for jobs all night so that by morning I’m sleepy enough to just crash in the van for 8 hours or until she goes to work since she’s on call and mostly works evenings-nights or nights-morning. Pls send help I am an absolute mess of anxiety and scared of being a disappointment.

#i literally hate myself

[sadgoblinhour]

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#somehow managed to also fuck up ordering dinner #I literally hate myself #who needs to actually fight an ed when you could just let it do it’s thing instead

[lotus-pear]

regret

#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk #bc skk copium :') #the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died #he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!'' #and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao #this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh #deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet #bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close #the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him #and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison #we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs #enough to make fyodor believe he's dead #in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead #knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side #like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human #dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter #and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell #this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :( #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #skk #soukoku #lotus draws

[carpetbug]

more Duvet brain rot! Gotta have a lie at the ready when you time travel to take care of your literal inner child 🐇

and a bonus

#carpetbug art #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #ml #miraculous fanart #bunny!chloe #chloe bourgeois #chloe #duvet #duvet: what I do in my burrow is my business and no one elses #ladybug: ITS A LITERAL FUCKING TIME MACHINE WHY WOULD THAT NOT BE OUR BUSINESS #you can really see i gave up on the last two panels <3 i love and hate drawing this shit is both awesome and so dumb at the same time #anyways baby chloe is hard to draw and so is crying WHEN ITS ALL SIMPLE AND TINY #ignore me i just make myself do things the hardest possible way every time #i know the burrow is the same for all rabbit holders but idk. Duvets burrow is all disorganized and chaotic to me

[ohno-the-sun]

Some more thoughts about the farm au by @oobbbear

It’s been so wet lately

#fun fact if hay gets wet it’ll catch fire #reason why you don’t wanna forget to cover it when it rains #fnaf daycare attendant #sundrop #moondrop #farm au #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #I hate drawing architecture so much omg #I was like inspired by bumble but like halfway through I was like omg what have I gotten myself into #it’s just like one house but I was literally crying dying decomposing #aaaaa #fanartception #my art #I wonder if anyone will notic they’re both lying in the second comic #lol lowkey tying it into my previous comic