#i lived in very religious and conservative area so yeah i was pretty upset when i started to realized my attraction to women

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #392

“l.a. is where stars come to die”

Do you think there’s anything you did better when you were younger? I think I was a better writer, honestly. Like I've developed in some areas, like being less over-dramatic, but I just think my creativity in wording and such has dulled down. Who was the craziest teacher you’ve ever had? I've never had a "crazy" teacher, honestly. What’s the last thing you got paid to do? Take pictures. What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone else? How should I know? Ask either Jason or Sara. Have you ever wanted to model? No. Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? I THINK my sister? Teddy had seizures in his old age, too. What’s your favorite car? I don't have one, really. Do you know any HTML or CSS? If yes, how much? I know veeeeery little basics. LIke, I can change the color of shit and that's about it lmao. Do you tend to care about the lives of celebrities? Why or why not? Only celebrities I really really care about, like Mark. What do you think of the scene style? #aesthetic and I will ALWAYS be envious of the hair. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I remember one. What is the highest you have been up, other than in an airplane? On a certain faire ride, I wanna say. Is there any hope of you ever seeing your favorite band in concert? Ozzy does want to do another tour at some point, but he's fighting Parkinson's currently, so it's not guaranteed it will happen. Mom and I planned on going to his last one that was scheduled, but the diagnosis cancelled it. :( What is your favorite non-green vegetable? Uhhhhh I guess potatoes. What is your favorite non-traditional fruit? I don't think I've even had a non-traditional fruit. Just basic stuff. Have you ever had Swedish Fish? Yeah, I'm not a fan. What is your favorite origami shape? Birds, I guess. Do you usually take the stairs or the elevator? I pretty much always take an elevator if one's available because my legs can barely handle stairs at all. It's agonizing for me. Do you need a key card to get into the building you live in? No. What was the last takeout food you had? I had a burger from McDonald's a few days ago. Do you take the pickle off your burgers? No, I love pickles on burgers. Do you share a bed with anyone? Just my cat. If you’ve read or watched Harry Potter, which book/movie is your favorite? I haven't. What’s the last app you downloaded on your phone? I re-installed DragonVale. What do you know the most about? Meerkats, Markiplier, and Silent Hill, probably. What TV shows can you not stand? What's that stupid show on Adult Swim, Rooster Teeth or something like that? That shit was so dumb. Have you ever tasted your own tears? I mean not intentionally. Sometimes tears just fall down a spot where it happens. Are your legs hairy? I can almost guarantee to you that I probably have the hairiest legs of any woman you've ever met. Do you like Cheese-Itz? I love them! We don't really buy them though because both Mom and I can destroy a box of them. Have you ever built a sandcastle? I have. Did you ever watch Barney as a child? Yeah, I loved Barney, but not as much as my older sister. She literally "married" him, haha. Have you ever had a pet rabbit? No, but my older sis did as a kid. That poor thing died and Ashley didn't know for THREE DAYS. Mom took it out earlier and I guess she wanted to see how long it took Ash to notice? She didn't take great care of it, so. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? Yes, my friendship ring with Sara. To you, what is especially distracting? Tapping noises. When was the last time you did some major cleaning? MAJOR cleaning? Good question. How do you feel about people who neglect their pets? It sickens me. Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? Nope. When are you likely to lie? Probably when I don't want to seriously hurt someone. What is a personality type that you do not like? I hate people who think they know everything, are unwilling to acknowledge their flaws and work on them, feel they're better than others, are closed-minded, sexist, bigoted, racist... What is a personality type that you DO like? I am drawn to people who are empathetic and try to understand and consider more than just themselves, are caring and genuine, philosophical and think deeply, are calm, friendly, good listeners, and have a light sense of humor. Which of your friends is the least like you? In what way? I actually don't know. MAYBE Mini with her being extremely conservative to a frustrating degree and overwhelmingly religious. We diverge pretty strongly in beliefs that are important to me. How about the most like you? In what way? Sara! We have incredibly similar interests and morals, and we both are wild over animals. When was the last time you felt under-appreciated? I'm gonna be completely transparent here, even though it's uncomfortable to admit. I was very unhappy with the literally two interactions a poem I was really proud of got on dA. Like it was one I was trying to get published prior to just posting it there, so it was really disappointing to feel so overlooked when you worked hard on something you felt came out great. Does anyone take advantage of you or take you for granted? No. Are you taking anyone for granted? I sure as hell hope no one feels like I do. I definitely try to appreciate those I have to the utmost. What is one selfish thing that you do? I prioritize my alone time probably too much. How about something selfless? I'm pretty much always willing to listen to people's hardships and comfort them even if my own mental health is in poor condition. What do you like to do on your favorite holiday? Just be with family and really focus on how lucky I am to have them. What helps you fall asleep? I guess really paying attention to slowing my breathing, but that doesn't always work. It takes me at LEAST half an hour to fall asleep, so I struggle no matter what. Is there anyone you wish you were still friends with now? Megan. I really, really miss her. What is a fear you want to overcome? SOCIAL ANXIETY. UGH. What is something you do not like about yourself, with good reason? I'm lazy. What do you usually cry about? PTSD. Do you like pizza better on the second day? No. What do you like on your pancakes? Butter and normal syrup. Have you ever made up your own emoticon? I don't think so. How do you generally meet people? Online in one way or another. Have you ever seen a Broadway show in New York? No. Are you listening to music right now? Yeah, "God Hates Your Outfit" by Jeffree Star lmao. Look, it's catchy. Can anyone in your immediate family play the guitar? No. Have you ever wished to be an internet celebrity? How about a ‘real’ one? No. Like I've actually *loosely* considered trying to be a let's player with my love of games, but I don't even want to *risk* popularity; not that I think I'd get to that point, but still, I don't like the chance. Have you ever been kayaking? No. Do you still live with your parents? Yes. Do you believe you will never get over someone? I think Jason will always occupy at the very least a small corner of my mind. I just deal with loss so poorly in general, but that... that breakup was something. What do you order at Burger King? I don't like BK. Have you ever lived by yourself? No. Pretty sure I never could with my depression. What brand cell phone do you have? It's just a Tracfone, lol. Did you ever have a ‘security blanket’ when you were younger? Yes, my stuffed moose. What is your lucky charm? I don’t have one. Have you ever been in a wedding? Yeah, I was a bridesmaid in my sister's. Do you believe in yourself? ehhhhhh What time does your dad usually wake up in the morning? I don't live with him, so I can't say for sure. He's a mailman though, so he gets up early, I know. Who was the last person/people you were in a car with? Mom. What movie do you plan on watching next? I've been meaning to watch Jacob's Ladder for like... over a year, lmao. It served as an inspirational work for Silent Hill, and I know its reputation is brilliant, so I really want to see it. I just... don't really watch movies unless I'm in the theater. When something really scares you, what’s your immediate reaction? Gasp or go "what the fuck" or something along those lines. I can almost promise a curse word is coming out of my mouth, lol. Using song lyrics, say something to your most recent ex: I don't wanna get emotional digging through the songs that remind me of her, so pass, lol. You can only watch 4 TV shows for the rest of your life. What are they? Meerkat Manor, That '70s Show, maybe Pokemon even if I don't watch it anymore (it could be like a comfort show if I'm limited to four), aaaaand I think Ginga Densetsu Weed. Do you think it’s possible for a rap song to make you cry? ... Yes??? There are a couple that have for me. Does the idea of having a baby at your age scare you? I'm not having kids, sooo I don't have to worry about this. What band has the power to make you cry by splitting up? None. I'd be really upset if some did, but I wouldn't cry. Who is your favourite famous person who isn’t a singer, actor, or athlete? Well, I WOULD say Mark, but considering he's officially an actor now... guess not, haha. Uhhhh. Put him aside and I guess maybe Bindi Irwin. I'm not sure.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''god hates your outfit'' by jeffree star

[anothergirlrecovering]

Lynn 46

I walked in and sat down. She said that I looked really red and I said ugh let me just show you the picture. I showed her a picture of my sunburn and explained that I had been a fucking idiot and hadn’t used sunscreen at the beach so I got sun poisoning and cold sores and was miserable and the trip felt like a cluster fuck because of it and it’s my own fault because I didn’t use sunscreen because I had felt like it wasn’t that hot out and I didn’t think that I was burning. I told her that it was a lesson learned and then I had almost canceled my session for the day and decided that if Lynn was going to judge me, she was going to judge me. Lynn was like no I don’t mean that you look bad, I just meant that you can tell you’ve been burnt. She said yikes and she was sorry I got so burnt. She asked what beach I had gone to and I said Robert Moses, and she said that she would be going to Montauk next week and she would remember to bring her sunscreen. I said that she is definitely more tan than I am, but that her redhead kid might benefit. She laughed and said her daughter is more pasty than I am. She said that she would be gone with her daughter by the train and asked if I had ever done that. I said no and I honestly didn’t even know that the train went there because we had only ever gone by car. I laughed and said for your non-vacation? She laughed and said yes and that she is doing her non-vacations the right way.

I explained the fight my dad and I had about him sending my husband an article on are you good enough to get into heaven and how I had stood up to him. I told her that my mom and I had the talk at the beach and then I was just the two of us, and I asked if I could just read from my Tumblr. She said of course and I read what I had written from that day out loud. She started laughing at one point and was like oh my gosh I’m sorry for laughing but this is so ridiculous on her part she’s literally comparing you to a foster child. I said I know! And I continued reading. I got to the point where I asked my mom how as a six-year-old I would’ve known to tell my doctor that I was having severe anxiety, and Lynn pause me and was like good for you for responding In such a healthy way. She pointed out that any doctor should’ve been able to spot that I had anxiety going on because you can spot and anxious kid a mile away. I finished reading my Tumblr and she asked me how I was feeling about it. I said that I was glad because the timing of it came at a point in which I really do you know and believe that it wasn’t my responsibility to take care of myself as a child and that’s because if EMDR. She pointed out that the biggest thing for her and reading everything was that my parents are very clearly still trying to control me. She said while I was reading she wrote down how my mom had made the comment that she was playing the Therapist card and how throughout the whole thing my mom was clearly trying to control me and control who I am, controlling my husband and I being religious and controlling the kind of relationship we have, where she is controlling us to have this surface level relationship built as a glass house with everything looking good on the outside and I am trying to build a solid foundation. I said that I hadn’t really realized how controlling she was being, but that all of that made sense. I explained how generally speaking they are definitely controlling and I told her about how my parents and Ashley were helpful when I had a question about buying a home because obviously I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing since I’ve never bought one before and have never learned about it, but that quickly turned into them telling me what I should and shouldn’t purchase and how much I should spend and how I need to think about how having a child will affectmy finances and daycare fees and whatnot. She told me about how there are times with her 19-year-old twin daughters that she will say something and be like crap and wish you could take it back because she is asking things that are assuming that they are still children whereas when they turn 18 they become adults and things change. She talked about how my mom needs to learn how to treat me like an adult, just like she is learning how to treat her kids like adults. She also pointed out that she always forgets that I’m still a millennial, and that she has noticed in her practice that across-the-board there seems to be a commonality among my parents generation of being helicopter parents and how that has influenced my generation being extremely helpless. She pointed out that the some extent it would be normal and healthy to not really know how to do certain things, but that there seems to be a generational issue going on where a lot of people around my age really don’t know what they’re doing in a lot of areas. She said that her daughter had volunteered to help a senior in high school and her mom with their application for college because she was applying for a theater school. Lynn said that she texted her daughter back and said ha ha Ha and her daughter was like wait what and Lynn was like do you mean you volunteered me to come do it? Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t do any of your application, I did it all for you and that her daughter laughed and was like will you please help because she had realized that she really hadn’t done any of her application. I laughed and said I never did a FAFSA a day in my life and my parents did that for me. Lynn said that her parents never did anything for her and that made her more dependent, although now that I think about it her mom is also bipolar so I could see where her mom was in able to be helpful based on how Lynn has described her mom being unstable. I said that I wasn’t sure if my parents think their behavior is normal or not because I know while they dated and even when they were first married they lived with my dad’s mom because my mom’s family was so unstable and they wanted to save money. So maybe they really think that there are overbearing behavior is normal. Lynn said they probably do think it’s normal but that doesn’t make it normal or healthy. She asked me if I Mabel to look at everything my mom said and see how absolutely ridiculous it is, and I said yes. I explained how it’s weird that they are so different with the foster kid and I can totally see why they don’t like the foster kid. I told her about how they let Ellie eat uncrustables and fish sticks and no vegetables all the time. Lynn laughed and said because they know they can’t control her, and I laughed and said that they know they are in allowed to spank her so now, and she said yeah and they are in allowed to starve her like they did to you because all she has to do is tell the caseworker that they aren’t feeding her and they would get in trouble, so your parents know what they are doing. I said I hadn’t really thought of it like that but that makes sense. I told her about Hannah and Angel and how funny they are in that it’s sad that they are being raised in the super religious household as well and I felt sad hearing them use those on realistic simple faith answers for things.

I told her about the rest of the trip and how I have been disappointed with Pastor lake who had made A dumb comment about wishing that pastors were able to call themselves counselors and that most people really just need biblical guidance and not counseling, and that for one he was basically shitting on my career and two, it was disappointing because he’s like this major Trump supporter now and I just felt like a letdown that he thinks like that. This all sparked a conversation about religion. She said that she grew up Catholic and that her husband was a lot more conservative and grew up Baptist and that they raise the kids and I’m nondenominational church and that they were always given a lot more freedom to understand religion and how they wanted to understand it. I said that I feel guilty because part of me knows I could be closer to my mom if I were different and if I could be this really religious person like she wants, and Lynn pointed out that I can’t be that because once you’ve seen the light, but she laughed and said no religious pun intended, you can’t go back. She explained how she has seen over the years a lot of her kids friends who were raised in more religious circles where they really struggle with questioning anything and believe things that don’t really make sense. She said that her husband and her son go to the Presbyterian Church and she laughed and said she doesn’t usually go with that she occasionally watches it on TV. She said that she likes the pastor and all but that the church itself is a little bit to west of their city. She said she is sure that we have the equivalent of that in my area, and she basically explained that it’s a lot of wealthy upper-class people who are conformists. She laughed and said she should probably try to find a Methodist church, and I laughed and said that I go to a Methodist church! I asked her if there will ever be a point when I don’t get so mad about the conservative religiosity. She said it takes time and that for her she recognize that more often than not when she was getting angry, it was because of something else and not necessarily the actual religiosity, like if she was wanting to protect someone and someone was using obscure Bible verses to hurt them. I said that made sense but I think I also just get really upset in general, and then I pointed out that part of me feels like maybe that will change once I process my grandma’s death because that had so much religious bullshit with the Church blaming me for her getting sicker because of spiritual warfare and me not praying enough when really I had panic disorder. I explained that my parents seem to struggle to have any conversation without throwing in Bible verses and religiosity, and that maybe that sounds bad because for them God is within everything they do and maybe I’m not a good Christian because he’s not. When cut me off and explain that maybe God does permeate all that I do. She said that I’m a therapist and what more else away to share my faith than through helping people navigate life. She pointed out that God can be within everything I do without me being explicitly obnoxious with Bible verses and pointing everything out. She pointed out that there’s a point where once you know you cannot now, and that for a lot of people you get home point where you begin to question things. She said she grew up Catholic, but that when she was in college it was easy for her to point out and realize that she didn’t really believe in a lot of the things she was raised to believe. I said I wasn’t really sure exactly how I got out of it except that enough shit hit the fan, and I began to question why all of the simple faith answers like prayer we weren’t working or fixing things. She pointed out that my parents are living in the dark and she said we could definitely process my grandma’s sickness.

I also told her about how I went and saw my brothers apartment in the city and that we walked around. I laughed and said my brother and I have both disappointed my parents because he’s a lot like I am, and that we both are not very religious and are Democrats and see things very differently. I explained that I wasn’t really sure how he became like that, and she asked me how he deals with my parents. I said that I would guess that he was anxious as a kid because he had a problem with biting his shirt and he could not stop moving his hands all the time and teachers literally questioned if he had Tourette’s, and may be in today’s day and age they would’ve diagnosed him ADHD hyperactive and that he had a lot of separation anxiety when I came to sleep because he would always back to sleep in my parents bed and they almost always let him even though that sucked for me because they never let me sleep in their bed, but that he had to recite that Bible verse I will lie down and sleep in peace for you alone oh Lord make me dwell in safety every night. I said I’m guessing that he probably doesn’t really think about it too much and that one time we had talked about how my parents view me as The favorite and he had said that it bothers him but that he doesn’t really think about it much. I also explained that my brother’s response to things are very different because he’s very mouthy and it’s really disrespectful and rude to my parents so if my dad were to say something religious my brother might say something like oh my God you’re so stupid how do you believe that and then laugh at him and that I used to be fairly mouthy and rude and disrespectful as well but that I think a lot of that has changed because Chris witnessed it and told me that he was shocked by how disrespectful I was and I was completely unaware because my parents had never corrected me so I don’t usually respond like that.

She asked what my husband thought about the text message by between my dad and I, and I explained that anyway it was good because I think it kind of brought us together because my husband saw that I was 100% on his team and on my parents. I explained that once before my parents had been texting him all the time telling him that he needed to get car insurance and that while I did tell my parents to leave them alone, I did technically agree with them that he needed to do it, and that overall we have had a hard time being on the same team because the eating disorder had always kept us divided. I explained that he kept telling me how he really appreciates how I stood up for him and how I defended him and I think it sort of solidified the fact that we are together and not my parents and I. She agreed and said that it also probably boosted my husband’s ego seeing me defend him like that. She asked how everything else is going on in my life and I said that work is stressful but it kind of is what it is right now as I adjust to the job because so many of the issues really are gray and there is no black-and-white right or wrong answer so a lot of it is making a judgment call. I told her that I have the NCE exam coming up and she was like I don’t know what that is and I was like well it’s the first exam for the professional counseling degree and she was like oh that’s right and I was like yeah I should be more anxious and studying and she was like well that’s really good, and I was like no that’s bad anxiety drives me to study and be a better student and she was like well but you can cram and you will do well as usual and I was like yeah but it’s just a matter of actually doing it right now. I told her that things with my husband and I are going really well and that we are actually looking at buying homes but that it takes finding a home that we both like because we do have different interests. She said not many homes in their area have basements either and I said that made sense because we don’t either. But that all the homes in Long Island had a basement. I said we will take it day by day and see if we find something.

She said that was good and asked what I wanted to come back. I said more like what are you getting back from your non-vacation. She laughed and said Sunday but then Monday is Labor Day and she’s not working for Labor Day, so I laughed and said anything to get out of a day of work. She laughed and said you know me, and I said yeah sleeping in and not working late so you can be with your kids and taking off all holidays and going on non-vacations. She laughed and said goals, goals. She explained that I’m doing the same thing and that sometime she wishes she had focus a little more on her career when she was younger but that I was already doing that which was good. She said that when her kids were little it worked out really well because she was able to work part time and be there for the car pick up line and all of that, and her husband worked to late and I would have that same luxury to be able to work while the kids are in school. She explained that her husband is a good dad but didn’t really enjoy being as involved when they were really little but enjoyed being more involved as they got bigger. I laughed and said I was sure my husband would be the same way because his patients with little little kids Isn’t very good and I can’t see him wanting to wait in the car pick up line. She said her husband has sort of a Nich career in that he is a security data analyst and he used to work for the government but he has a lot of flexibility now with his job but he didn’t want to work for the government. She said he was happy to be more of the breadwinner and work more so that she could be with the kids more. I said that would be my ideal as well. We set up for two Fridays from now on because she was booked up on Tuesday and Wednesday and she only had a early Thursday appointment which I couldn’t do. And then she said she thought her blood sugar was dropping and she asked me if this happens to me too. She said it’s hard for her to think and she needs to eat something and then it will go away. I laughed and said that I just always assume that my body has adjusted to not eating enough over the years that things like that don’t happen to me. She laughed and said oh and that she would be fine when she eat something. I told her I was sorry because I don’t have anything with me and she said it was fine because the other person in practice has a bunch of food in the kitchen, and I said yeah I don’t you keep all of your almonds in the car and she was like oh that’s right so she started eating her almonds and said she would be fine. She also said she should be fine because she thought she had enough protein because she had eggs in the morning and I was like well you're supposed to go for three food groups so you are missing two and she was like well and I had a pancake LOL and I was like OK will you're still missing one and she was like what's the other food group and I was like fruit or vegetable? And she was like oh that makes sense. I told her to enjoy Long Island and to go visit Tates bakeshop and the Hamptons while she was over there. And then I headed out.

I forgot to tell Lynn about how my mom had asked if I exercised, and then when I said no, she asked how I stay so slim.