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neoculturetravesty · 3 years

Text

We met in online class - Part 9

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, angst, fluff Warnings: Strong language, fist fight, a character has Covid-19 Word Count: 5.2k

A/N: So proud of the boys for breaking records with Hot Sauce 🥺💛 Also, Eid Mubarak to all who celebrate!

Renjun is ashamed to be surprised, but his friends remain true to their word.

That night, Renjun slept for what he’s sure was a good fourteen hours. Because by the time he woke, it was way in the afternoon. Jaemin was already back from his shift and Jeno was almost halfway through his. Jisung had insisted that Renjun get some more rest before he had to take over. It was a tiny bit disconcerting to have Jisung hovering over him the entire day to make sure he was eating and feeling okay, but Renjun had to admit--this was exactly what he needed. He didn’t like who he was when he was alone.

The boys had apparently even created a dedicated group chat where they would post updates and a list of things that were required at the hospital. Not that there was much required, anyway. But the boys would make sure that at the very least, Renjun’s mom had fresh clothes and home cooked food everyday while she couldn’t get out herself. Jaemin had even taken Renjun’s phone and gotten it fixed so he at least had a proper screen instead of a cracked one.

Even when Renjun was sure that he could take over on his own, the boys wouldn’t allow it. On many occasions, he had just stayed by them during their turns, thankful for their company and their friendship. Because who else in this world would spend their semester break in this fashion? He’s pretty sure they had plans; but they had forsaken them all to be there for him.

Renjun has no idea how it happens, but slowly and surely, things start to get better. He’s pretty certain it has to be some sort of a miracle. Like a little break of sunshine had finally decided to shine on him through the dark clouds. Like somehow, his guardian angel had decided that it had slacked off for long enough and now it should give Renjun a break. Because one day, the doctors tell them that Renjun’s grandmother will be a lot weaker for the next few days to come… but with a lot of care and attention, she should be ready to go home. They echo Renjun’s thoughts and tell them that it is nothing short of a miracle, but also that he should be thankful that his grandmother is still young and has a fighting spirit.

The day she is taken off of life support and brought into another room with a window through which he can see her, Renjun can’t hold himself back. He hugs onto Jaemin so tight and cries happy tears, and Jaemin holds him back just as strong, though he’s sure that he’s so overwhelmed by relief that he’s putting all of his weight onto the boy. But Jaemin doesn’t relent and holds onto him and lets him cry tears of joy into his shoulder.

The boys head home that night and laugh till they cry and celebrate Renjun’s grandma’s life and health. They eat like they had been hungry for days and slump their shoulders in ease like they had been keeping them tense for too long. They laugh and they sit together and keep letting out long sighs of relief, as if each breath was undoing a knot in their chest. It’s a sweet, victorious sort of a happy moment, and it is Jeno who has to remind them they need to focus now more than ever so that Renjun’s grandma can get her strength back and finally test negative. And it is an important reminder because the new semester is about to begin soon and given classes, they will have to redo their hospital visit schedules.

At the very least, they learn that the new semester would begin online, because the sudden surge in Covid cases had led them to another lockdown. Renjun’s not sure whether he should be happy or upset about it. On the one hand, he thinks this lockdown should’ve happened earlier so his grandma would’ve never gotten sick in the first place. On the other hand, he is happy that his grandma would now be safe and recover comfortably.

When classes begin and Renjun finds all his housemates at home, his heart drops a little and he wonders if he should just skip today. But an amused Jeno mutes himself during his online class and stops him.

“You have other friends, too, you know?” Jeno cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, but I’m sure they have classes, too. Plus, the four of us have been doing this from the beginning, so… I don’t know…” Renjun says, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a bit nervous about leaving his mother and grandma on their own without help. But Jeno looks at him like he’s talking gibberish.

“Dude. Not the four of us. All seven of us have been doing this from the very beginning.” Jeno says, eyebrow still cocked, looking at Renjun like he’s sure he’s lost his mind.

Renjun looks up and for a moment, he is sure his face looks dumb. Because if the buffering wheel was a human expression, Renjun’s certain he’s wearing it now. “All… seven?”

“Do you even check the group chat? Chenle and Mark and Donghyuck. They’ve all been doing their duty from Day 1, you idiot. How else would the rest of us come home so early?” Jeno scoffs and laughs a bit, knotting his eyebrows at his clueless friend.

For a moment, Renjun is silenced. Because he doesn’t know how to process this information. He feels a swell in his chest. A sort of happiness that only true friendship brings. But at the same time, he feels an incredible pang of guilt, because for one, he is an asshole that keeps underestimating the said friendship. And for the other, he had done absolutely nothing to be deserving of such love.

“Dong… Donghyuck, too?” Renjun asks and he feels his heart breaking, though even in this surreal moment of realization, he recognizes how strange it is to feel heartbreak over something like this.

“Of course, you idiot. Donghyuck was the one that stayed at the hospital the entire first night when you were asleep.” Jeno tells him and smacks him lightly on the head.

And for the first time in his life, Renjun actually feels what it is like to have his head physically hang in shame. “I don’t deserve it.” he sighs.

“I really don’t understand you sometimes, Huang Renjun.” Jeno says and turns his attention back to his class.

“What do you mean?” Renjun retorts.

“Just because friends have a dumb fight, doesn’t mean they abandon each other in times of need.” Jeno states like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

It should be simple and obvious, everything Jeno has said. But to Renjun, it is groundbreaking. Because Renjun wasn’t used to being loved and cared for without condition. In his dark and convoluted view of the world, everything was give and take. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. But here they were--his friends that were shattering all of those dumbass beliefs. Telling him that although he had been a grade A asshole and punched them in the face, they understood that he was going through some shit, and that taking care of his sick grandmother trumped all other childish grudges. Renjun realizes that perhaps, he was the most childish out of all his friends. Somewhere in his turbulent childhood, he might have skipped a lot of emotional development. Because why else would the kindness and love of his friends shock him so?

Jeno peeks over the top of his laptop and watches Renjun deep in thought, paying no attention to his own class. “He’s at the hospital right now.” Jeno says knowingly.

And that’s all Renjun needs to hear before he slams his laptop shut and makes his way out.

The fact that Renjun is probably a few steps behind in his emotional development is solidified when he sits next to Donghyuck on a park bench and suddenly finds himself at a loss for what to say.

The rush of blood and adrenaline he had felt in his veins leaving his house for his apology tour seemed to have faded when he saw his friend’s face. Donghyuck had been sitting next to Renjun’s father, but that hadn’t been the bothersome part. It was the fact that his friend was sitting there for him, but with a black eye that Renjun had given him.

In the grand scheme of healing black eyes, Donghyuck definitely looked less hurt than the last time Renjun had seen him. The purples were mostly gone, leaving behind hues of yellow and a speck of blue here and there. Though he may have been healing, there were more colors on him than before and that’s what made him look worse. That’s also the part that makes Renjun feel most ashamed. His friend was here for him even though he looked like shit thanks to him.

Renjun is sure that on the list of top ten assholes of the world, he would find his own name on top.

But sitting next to Donghyuck outside in the fresh air, he has no idea what to say. He thinks real hard and decides to start in the safe zone.

“Did the guys tell you? About my grandma?” he asks.

“Um, no. It was Jimin.” Donghyuck replies awkwardly.

Renjun nods. “I, uh… I told the guys like a day later, though. Did you tell them before I did?”

“No, um… I was at a party with the 127s… I didn’t see her text till like the next day either, so…” Donghyuck trails off.

Renjun nods again, then swallows. It’s so strange, how awkward this all is. It is unsettling because Donghyuck is the least awkward person he knows, and he hates that this weird zone is where their relationship seems to be heading.

Not if he can help it.

In another rush of dumbass adrenaline, Renjun gets up abruptly and stands before Donghyuck.

“Go on. Do it.” Renjun says and takes a deep breath.

“Huh?” Donghyuck looks at his friend quizzically.

“Do it. Just make it quick.” Renjun nods with determination and points at his face.

“You’re crazy.” Donghyuck states and slides further away on the bench, eyebrows raised, and a grimace on his mouth.

“Just do it, man. Do it so we can move on.” Renjun says, placing both hands on his waist and squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m not going to punch you so you can move on, you psycho.” Donghyuck’s face is contorted, like he’s scandalized and perhaps even slightly scared of his friend.

“Come on, Donghyuckie. Just punch me and get it over with.” Renjun waves his hand impatiently, not relenting.

“Are you not hearing me, you crazy? I’m not punching you just to make you feel better!” Donghyuck almost yells.

And because Renjun is pretty sure this would work, he grabs at Donghyuck’s collar just to provoke him.

“What the fuck?!” Donghyuck tries to push Renjun off of him.

“Hit me!” Renjun shouts.

“No, are you fucking crazy! Get off me!” Donghyuck grabs at the sleeves of Renjun’s jacket and tries to pry him off.

“Not till you hit me!” Renjun insists, clinging onto the boy, grabbing and pulling at him to annoy him best he can to get a reaction.

“I’m not going to hit you!” Donghyuck yells. The two boys spin in inelegant, rough circles on the grass, trying to push and pull at one another.

“Punch me or you got no balls!” Renjun yowls and then finally feels the blow to his face that sends him flying to the ground.

He pauses for a bit because his head spins for a solid ten seconds. He shakes it vigorously to get it to focus and it helps because then he looks up to find a very startled and distressed Donghyuck looking down at him, fist still raised in the air.

“That had more throw than power.” Renjun comments, massaging his jaw.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going for.” Donghyuck agrees.

For a moment both boys nod and look at each other, acknowledging the technique and form of the punch. And then, they burst into laughter because fuck, all of this was so stupid. Renjun rolls on the grass and Donghyuck doubles over as he stands. Then he offers Renjun his hand to help him get up, which he takes eagerly, using it to lift up and fling himself into his friend’s arms. They hold each other strongly, thumping one another on the back. And just like that, the awkwardness is gone. All that was meant to be said has been said and now Renjun is no longer struggling to find his words. They come easily, because all of this is so natural. He was with his best friend, after all.

“You are a crazy motherfucker, you know that, right?” Donghyuck comments, shaking his head as they sit back down on the bench.

Renjun chuckles, then looks at the grass, because his head hangs in shame again. “I’m a sorry motherfucker.”

Donghyuck puts an arm around Renjun and thumps his back again. “You should be sorry, you dumb fuck. But also, you’ve got a pretty toxic coping mechanism, you know that, right?”

Renjun sighs long “I know. The longer I think about it, the dumber I feel.”

He expects his friend to make a joke in return but he feels his hesitation. So he looks up and finds Donghyuck trying to think of what to say. “Have you ever thought about… like sorting that out, maybe?” he finally asks.

“Sorting it out?” Renjun asks, confused.

“Like... you know this isn’t normal, right?” Donghyuck asks, and he doesn’t sound like he’s mocking. His tone doesn’t have the slightest hint of a joke and that’s what makes Renjun realize what he’s talking about.

“No… no, I haven’t…” Renjun admits. He doesn’t know why he’s never thought about ‘sorting it out’. Perhaps because he’s always thought he was smarter than anyone who could offer him help.

“You could give it a try. Talking to someone really helps sometimes, you know? Getting help can help.” Donghyuck says carefully.

Renjun bites his lip. He knows his friend is right, but he’s never really, truly given it a thought. Donghyuck senses his discomfort and changes the subject.

“Your grandma is finally getting tested again tomorrow.” he says as he stretches.

Renjun smiles “Yeah. I honestly can’t believe it…” he looks at his best friend “... but I also don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank you…”

Donghyuck frowns and shakes Renjun by the shoulder “Stop it before I throw up.”

“I mean it.”

“I’ll throw up even if you mean it.”

“Donghyuck…”

“Okay, really, stop. Also, I’m not even the one you should be thanking. Or apologizing to.” Donghyuck sits back after he’s had his fill of shaking Renjun.

“Of course, you’re the one I should be thanking and apologizing to, you stupid. You did all of this for me even when I was an absolute asshole to you.” Renjun presses.

“You are an asshole, but you’re also a dumb asshole.” Donghyuck declares.

“Hey, I’m trying to apologize nicely, here.” Renjun pouts and his friend lets out a long, exasperated sigh.

“I thought you were just being obtuse but you seriously don’t know…” Donghyuck shakes his head.

“Know what?” Renjun asks and Donghyuck shrugs and acts like a little shit which annoys Renjun, but at the same time fills him with relief. Because Donghyuck being a little shit to him means their friendship has been restored to its original state. But he asks again “Know what?!”

“Dude, no offense or anything, but did you really think your parents can put your grandma in a private room all on their own?” Donghyuck asks.

Renjun stops a bit. He’d been so worried about the fact that his grandma’s life was hanging by a thread that he hadn’t even thought about the expenses part. He knows his grandma had a little bit in savings, but his parents for sure didn’t earn that much. Come to think of it, he hadn’t even realized that this was one of the nicer hospitals around.

“Fuck it, I’m really going to have to spell it out for you. Since your brain doesn’t seem to be working.” Donghyuck sighs dramatically.

“What?”

“Dude. This is Y/N’s parents’ hospital. Your mother couldn’t possibly keep taking care of your grandma all on her own, now could she? When Y/N found out, she went crazy. She made her parents direct all their best resources into taking care of your grandma.”

For a while, the information hangs in the air.

Renjun had thought that he would never get to feel things that were new and unexplainable ever again. He thought he had experienced every single feeling his body had to offer. The past month alone had put him through more emotions than he had experienced in his whole life. He had seen it all, felt it all.

But what he’s experiencing right now doesn’t feel like gratitude or shame or longing or anything one should expect to feel in a situation like this. It just feels like a soft light has filled his chest and is lifting him in the air. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s having an out of body experience.

“Oh,” is the only thing he can manage to say.

And then he remembers your face. He hadn’t realized it then, but he sees now how badly he had wanted to see you that night. He had wanted no one but you to hold him and kiss him and tell him that he wasn’t alone. And he remembers how he couldn’t tell you any of that. He remembers how you had walked away with another man.

And that makes him come back to earth. He feels a resigned sort of sadness.

“Y/N is… she would do that for anybody, wouldn’t she?” Renjun smiles sadly.

“She probably would. But you should’ve seen how worried she was. Even now, she is on the phone everyday with her parents, making sure they’re doing everything they can. She didn’t want what happened to her grandmother to happen to yours.” Donghyuck tells him.

Renjun looks up “What happened to her grandmother?”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows. “She passed away from Covid last year?” His eyebrows go higher still “She says she’s told you about this?”

Renjun thinks, and then it’s as if a veil on his memory is slowly but poorly being lifted. He remembers laying his head on your shoulder. He remembers feeling your shirt dampen from his tears. He remembers your fingers drawing relaxing patterns in his hair. He remembers your soothing voice, speaking to him with such tenderness that Renjun had barely heard your words and had focused instead on it’s sweet tones. But now, when Renjun is forcing himself to think, he very foggily recalls what you had been saying. You had been telling him about your own grandmother. Why hadn’t Renjun listened? Why did Renjun never listen when you spoke? He was such a selfish, arrogant fool. He wishes he could go back and change it all.

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Are you really….” he sighs again, “Nevermind. But yeah, she basically went nuts because she couldn’t be here with you.”

Renjun’s heart is aching and he’s pretty sure his face reflects it. “I wish I could take it all back. Everything I did to her.”

“You can take it back.” Donghyuck says.

“How?”

“Apologize to her, you dummy.” Donghyuck smacks the back of his head.

“How? I tried calling her once but she didn’t pick up.” Renjun admits.

“Then you should call her again and again and again till it sticks.” Donghyuck says plainly and it makes so much fucking sense that Renjun is embarrassed that he hadn’t thought it.

“Yeah, but…” Renjun swallows, “... it doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck asks.

“She’s with Wong Hendery now. So…” Renjun can’t even complete the thought.

“What do you mean she’s with Wong Hendery?” Donghyuck scrunches his brows deep in his forehead in confusion.

“She left with him for the semester break. I went to see her… but she left with him…” Renjun presses his lips together.

“Wait…” Donghyuck says and Renjun looks up and nods at him as if to confirm the fact. But he sees something entirely different on his friend’s face. It’s an expression of deep dumbfoundedness. “... are you some sort of an idiot?” He asks like Renjun is the dimmest person he has ever come across.

And Renjun doesn’t help his cause because he only blinks in return.

“Dude! She’s not ‘with Wong Hendery,’” Donghyuck gets up and smacks Renjun across the head once again. “They’re partners on the SMK Trainee Drive. She’s literally been preparing for this for months? Shouldn’t you know this?”

Renjun blinks some more. SMK Trainee Drive? Renjun had heard and personally seen you preparing for interviews and these drives. But somehow a lot of it hadn’t registered in his brain. Once again, probably because he never listened to you well. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he was an idiot. He was the biggest idiot on the planet.

Yet right now, he was a smiling idiot whose heart was suddenly filling with hope. “She’s not… with… she’s not with Hendery?” Renjun is embarrassed. He feels so fucking stupid asking this, but he absolutely can’t help the smile spreading across his face.

“She’s literally at the tower right now. She’s been stuck because we went into lockdown whilst she was there. It’s why she couldn’t come and see you. But the highway doesn’t open for another week, so she’ll be stuck till then.” Donghyuck explains, and Renjun feels his heart exploding with joy at every word. He’s pretty sure he’s grinning shamelessly.

“Why do I know more about your girlfriend than you do? Oh wait. It's because 'she's not your girlfriend.’” Donghyuck does a perfectly exaggerated mimicry of Renjun that reminds him of that one SpongeBob meme. On a normal day, he would’ve wanted to smack his friend for doing this. But in this moment, he is all too happy to be the one being smacked and mocked.

Renjun laughs with relief, then finds his laugh fading a bit. “Do you think she’ll forgive me? For everything I did?”

“I don’t know, man. But you wouldn’t know unless you try.” Donghyuck once again states something that should be obvious.

“How do I try if she’s not picking up my calls? And when she won’t even be here for another week?” Renjun sulks a bit but gets smacked in the head again.

“Dude! She literally did everything in the world to help your grandma, and she was in a wholeass different city! She did that all for you! I’m sure you can figure out a simple apology.” Donghyuck has his arms crossed and is now seriously looking agitated with him and it makes Renjun smile.

“She really did that for me?” Renjun asks and he doesn’t even care if he sounds like a cheesy motherfucker. He doesn’t even care he’s being this way in front of Lee Donghyuck who probably won’t let him live it down for the rest of his life.

“Of course she did that for you, you idiot.” Renjun earns another smack at the end of that.

“Does she like me?” Renjun asks like a stupid, hopeful teenage boy.

Donghyuck pretends to gag and moves away in disgust. But then he sees Renjun’s expression and lets out a long, irritated exhale. “Of course she likes you, you dumb fuck.” Renjun gets hit in the head, “Why would she do all of this if she didn’t like you?” Renjun gets another smack, “Oh Lord, please give me the strength to not commit murder. I am not your strongest soldier…” Donghyuck looks up at the sky and Renjun laughs openly, freely and lightly. He feels as if all the knots in his chest are slowly being undone one by one. So he jumps up and tries to tackle and cuddle Donghyuck but he keeps moving away. The two boys run around in the ground, Renjun chasing Donghyuck, trying to attack him with his love while he complains that his hair smells.

And Renjun accepts all his insults with a newly healed heart. You liked him. Despite everything that he’d done to you, you liked him. You had worried about him and done everything in your power to help his grandma. You had kept tabs on her and made sure she was healing even though you were miles away. You liked him, and you weren’t with a new guy and you liked him.

As he walks back towards the hospital with his arm around his best friend’s shoulders, he decides that if it came to it that he had to beg and grovel for your forgiveness, he would happily spend the rest of his life on his knees. Because you liked him and Renjun was never going to let you go ever again.

True to his word (for maybe the first time in your relationship), Renjun spends the rest of the week trying to reach you. Because his apology tour wouldn’t be complete without his most important stop--you.

He calls you so many times; but each time, he only gets to hear the dial tone and the mechanical voice telling him that the user is unreachable at the moment. You never pick up.

But his mind and his spirit is fueled by Donghyuck’s advice, and this time, the advice is a lot more sound and a lot less exploitative. So, Renjun doesn’t give up because he has to make it stick. You had never given up on him. He wasn’t going to give up on you. When he’s sure you won’t pick up his calls, he leaves you a string of messages.

‘Hey, Y/N. I’m trying to call you. Please pick up?’

‘I know you have every right to be mad at me, but I just need a chance to apologize.’

‘I’m seriously the biggest idiot in the world, but I need to tell you that in person.’

‘Okay, I’m coming to you.’

‘Turns out I can’t just negotiate with the police to let me cross the city lines to get to the girl I like.’

‘Y/N, please…’

‘I’m the world’s sorriest and the most embarrassed motherfucker and I need to hear your voice to tell you that.’

‘I am Berry-Berry sorry, and I’m just asking for one chance to get to talk to you.

‘I’m not going to stop, you know?’

He has to admit that his patience is wearing thin. Because he’s trying every method and none of it is working; and also because his pride had never allowed him to beg and grovel to anyone before. It’s a humbling experience, but at the same time, he doesn’t feel burdened by it. This was for you. The girl who had done everything in her power to make him fall. The girl who had given him more love and kindness than anyone else in the world had. The girl who had taken his troubles and worries as her own. So, of course, he had to do everything in his power to earn your forgiveness.

But as he’s sitting in his room, trying to call you for what he’s sure is the twentieth time that day, he hears that your phone has been powered off. For a moment, Renjun feels immensely dispirited. Maybe he had lost you for good. Maybe you never wanted to hear from him ever again. Maybe this is what he deserved.

But in the next moment, Renjun stops himself. No. He wasn’t going to let his mind spiral that way again. He had to think with a good, clear mind. He couldn’t sit around and sulk without knowing he had explored all possible options. He needed to get creative and for that, he needed to think.

He could certainly wait it out till the week was over and when you’d be back. But he wanted to spend each passing minute letting you know that he was trying. So, that wasn’t an option.

Maybe he could look at the map and find some loopholes and secret passageways across the city. Surely, some of them had to be unmanned so he could break the lockdown law and get to you? That would certainly be impactful, being locked up in jail as a grand gesture of an apology. But Renjun was no action hero.

Renjun sits and thinks and thinks and thinks till a light bulb finally goes off. Of course. A grand gesture. He yells into his pillow out of excitement and frustration that he hadn’t thought of this before. If one thing had been established during this time, it was the fact that Renjun was a dumb fuck with a penchant for being blind to the obvious.

He gets up bright and early the next morning and rushes to see your friend at her apartment. He sits beside her as her online class starts, away from the camera view and finds his heart filling with the utmost warmth as he sees your window finally appear on the screen. Even in the tiny box, you looked so freaking beautiful that for a minute, Renjun stops and stares as butterflies take over his belly. But he taps his cheek to get himself to focus. He was here on a mission.

He waits for the class to begin before he slides himself into view next to your friend and types out a message on the chat that had taken him all night to prepare. He hits ‘Send to Everyone’ and waits.

And thankfully, the professor--miraculously the same professor who had done this the very first time all that time ago--stops to read it out,

“This might be a long shot, but Y/N L/N, do you think you can find it in your heart to give me another chance?” he begins, squinting his eyes slightly in confusion as he reads on, then smiling as realization hits. “Well, that’s certainly not a question from Ms. Kim Minjeong, I can tell you that.” he jokes and waits because as it had before, this has piqued the students’ interest.

Renjun watches as your pretty eyes widen. He watches them skirt across your screen, seemingly looking for the cause of the commotion. He watches the moment of realization hitting your pretty face. And he waits.

“Well, Ms. Y/N L/N, are you going to put the young man out of his misery?” the professor jokes kindly and Renjun thinks he might die from the anticipation.

And then, he watches as you move to unmute yourself.

“Yeah, I guess I could give him another chance,” you say nonchalantly which earns you a round of applause and hoots from all other windows. Because college students will always love dramatic antics.

The professor calls the class back to attention and Renjun sits back in his chair, grinning like an idiot because the girl he had fallen for had given him another chance.

#renjun fic #renjun angst #renjun fluff #kpopscape #ficscafe #neowritingsnet #dreamwritersnet #huang renjun #renjun #nct dream #nct fic #nct dream fic #nct fluff #nct angst #nct college au #renjun x reader #we met in online class

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fiveisnumber1 · 4 years

Text

Timeless - Five Hargreeves x Reader

Word Count: 3828

Warnings: None

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23

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Pt 11 - Lost In The Past

You didn't know how long it had been since you started crying but there came a point where you could cry no more. The tears no longer fell and your screams were nothing more than gasps of air. You felt empty like every last bit of emotion inside you was just released into the hollow house. Wiping the tears from your eyes you felt a gentle hand stroke your hair.

"There there, why don't we go get you some food to eat? You must be hungry after all that crying." Grace says

You turn your head to look at her and give her a small nod. Grace extends her hand to help you stand from the floor and when you stand she wraps an arm around you, guiding you to the kitchen. Sitting you down at the kitchen table, Grace starts to cook while you try to come to terms with your new reality. You had so many questions and yet you weren't sure if you had the words to vocalize them.

"Grace?" You call

"Hm?" She replies

"What happened since I've been gone?" You question softly

"Well George W. Bush served as president until 2008 when Barack Obama was elected to the presidency. The company Apple invented the iPhone in 2007 which revolutionized technology by giving phones touch screens. Youtube, Facebook, and other social media platforms grew to international success during the time you were gone. The-" Grace replies but you cut her off

"No, I mean...what happened here?" You say

Grace stops cooking for a second and turns to you.

"Oh. Well, you and Five went missing on the same day eleven years ago and things were never quite the same. Your disappearances took a toll on both your family and ours. I remember that about three years after you left, your parents packed up and moved to wherever they went. They were so distraught and I don't blame them it's very difficult to lose a child. I recall that back then Diego really tried his best to track them down in case you ever came back."

"What happened to Diego? And the others?"

"Diego left the house right when he turned eighteen, and Vanya, Klaus, and Allison left shortly thereafter which happened about six or so years ago. Luther stayed but now he's up on the moon doing some important research for Mr. Hargreeves!"

"You forgot about Ben." You state

"Oh right...Ben. Ben died on a mission in 2006. I don't know if you saw in the courtyard but there's a memorial statue for him there."

"He died?" You reply shocked

Grace nods.

"Yes and that was the straw that broke the camel's back, after you and Five went missing, and Ben's death, the rest of the children had no desire to stay in the house. It's difficult having to lose all your children one by one..." Grace states before putting on a chipper voice "Anyway here's a grilled cheese sandwich!"

"Oh." You say surprised at her quick shift of emotion "Uh, thank you."

"No problem (Y/N). Feel free to walk around the house and if you need anything else just ask! I'll be in the laundry room." Grace says before leaving

As she exits the kitchen and heads upstairs to the laundry room, you stare at the grilled cheese before pushing the plate away and putting your face in your hands. Everything felt like it was moving at a million miles per hour and you couldn't make it stop. You needed to get your mind off of things. Lifting you head out of your hands you stand up and grab your sandwich off the plate and walk towards a calendar on the kitchen wall. It read November 22nd, 2013. You shook your head and decided to leave the room. Strolling out of the kitchen and around the Umbrella Academy, you look at paintings of the former academy members. With each painting, the number of kids grew less and less as if time was making them disappear. You continue to walk around as you eat your sandwich taking in the empty sights. Passing different rooms, memories replayed in your mind so strongly that it was like you were right there in them again. You could practically see and hear the Hargreeves kids running down the halls and fighting with each other in those dumb uniforms they used to wear but you knew those experiences were just in your mind. This building had become a haunted house filled with the ghosts of past memories that would never come back. Looking outside at the snowy scene you decide to brave the elements and head out to the courtyard. This time instead of frantically looking for signs of life you take in the sight of death. You make your way over to the statue of what looks to be an older version of Ben. The statue has a solemn look on its face as it looks down on you.

"I guess you're the only one left here." You comment to the statue

You got no response. You didn't expect one but it was worth a shot. You looked down at the pedestal the statue was on and read the epitaph.

May the darkness within you find peace in the light

You wrote that to him in the journal you gave him for all of your 13th birthdays. Things really had changed while you were gone. With the cold starting to set in, you head back inside and go stand in the parlor next to the fireplace. Looking up at the painting of Five once more, a mix of emotions started churning inside you. Anger, grief, confusion, hurt. All of them overwhelmed you.

"You know this is all your fault Five." You start to rant to the painting "If you hadn't gotten mad about whatever it was you were mad about neither of us would be in this situation."

You pace back and forth in front of the fireplace, your feelings of hurt and anger growing stronger like the flames before you. You continue to yell louder at the painting in front of you,

"Oh leave me alone (Y/N) you wouldn't get it. Bullshit! Do you see what you've done? Look at me! I have no family, no home, no friends, nothing because of you and your stupid superiority complex! All of it is gone! Do you hear me?"

By this point, you were actively staring down the painting, pointing and screaming at it,

"I HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING BECAUSE OF YOU! I LOST EVERYTHING AND THAT INCLUDES MY BEST FRIEND! HOW DARE YOU FIVE! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Child, yelling at the painting is not going to console your grief." You hear a voice say from behind you

Turning around you find Mr. Hargreeves to be standing there.

"Why do you keep the painting up then?" You retort crossing your arms

"I keep it up to remember the boy." he answers, "I told him not to mess with time travel but he refused to listen."

"He thought he was better than everyone." You comment

"He thought he was better than most people, not all, but most." Reginald replies "Now if you're going to be staying here there are going to be rules that you need to follow."

"Who said I was staying here?" You remark

"You have other accommodations?" He questions

You let out a huff.

"No." you reply annoyed

It was true, you had nowhere else to go and this was probably your only chance of having a home of sorts. You heard the stories of what it was like to live with Reginald and although you didn't want to, you knew that you had no other choice.

"Very well. I will have Pogo inform you of the daily schedule of eating, training, and studying."

"Slow your roll old man, training?" you question raising an eyebrow

"Of course. To develop your powers." He responds blankly

"Listen, if I'm going to live here and have to deal with your rules then I have some conditions. First, I will train my powers and let you research them but do NOT expect me to put on a little uniform and become the only member of the second class of the Umbrella Academy. That's not happening. Second, if you want me to learn something it will wait until the weekend because during the week I want to go to school. Third, I have autonomy of where I go both inside and outside this house. I am not going to live my life solely in one bedroom. Do I make myself clear?" You demand

"I see time hasn't dulled that sharp tongue and insolent attitude of yours." Reginald remarks

"Well what eleven years is to you has been like two hours to me." you retort

"Fine. I agree with your conditions and the schedule will be adjusted accordingly but you MUST stick to it and the house rules or I will not tolerate your requests further." Reginald replies

"Deal." You state curtly

"I'll have Grace deal with your living accommodations. Now keep quiet."

"One more thing. You got his eyes wrong, they're a brighter blue." You say gesturing to the painting of Five

Reginald turns to walk away and you flop down on the couch. This is not what you expected when you woke up that morning...eleven years ago. All of it was still so surreal and you didn't know what to do. So you did nothing, you just laid on the couch staring at the ceiling silently and let the world pass by as it had done already. You didn't notice how much time had gone by until you heard Grace call out,

"(Y/N)!"

"I'm here." You reply sitting up from the couch

"Mr. Hargreeves told me that you're going to be staying with us. I'm so happy to hear that! Now I have the pleasure of being able to take care of you too!" She says happily "Let's get you situated!"

Grace and you walk upstairs and into the hall that housed the former rooms of the children.

"You can pick whichever room you want!" Grace explains "Allison's room is all set up in terms of having girlier items, and Vanya's room is smaller but it's barren so you can decorate it however you want! Luther and Ben's rooms are super organized! We can always redo Klaus or Diego's rooms and there's always Fi-"

"I'll take a look at the rooms and let you know." You quickly shoot out

Grace gives you a slightly shocked look before smiling and saying,

"Oh alright, I'm going to make dinner then. Just let me know before bedtime so I can get some clean sheets for you."

You didn't mean to cut off Grace but Five's room was the only room you didn't check earlier. Going in there wasn't something you were prepared to do right now and it definitely wasn't the one you were going to stay in. It would hurt too much, not only because of all the memories made in there but because it looked right across at your old room which was now frozen in time. Passing the closed door of Five's room you walk down the hall and carefully examine all the other options. You saw that Allison and Luther had two of the largest rooms, and you were surprised you couldn't find a hole cut in their shared wall to secretly enter each others. Nevertheless, Luther had only left recently so you didn't want his room and Allison's room had too much of her stuff in it and you knew even with rearranging you couldn't make it feel like your own. Making your way down the hall you saw Vanya's barren room but decided against it because it was too small. Klaus' room was too messy even though he hadn't been there for years and you felt weird about staying in Ben's room since it was still his when he passed away. All that was left was Diego's room. It wasn't as large as Luther or Allison's but it wasn't as small as Vanya's. You still felt a little awkward about taking it but out of all the options it was the best choice. Hearing a bell ring you went down to the dining room for dinner. Mr. Hargreeves was already there standing behind his seat at the head of the table. You stood behind the seat at the opposite head.

"Sit." He commanded

You sat down and Grace dished out food for both you and Mr. Hargreeves. The dinner was silent, the only sounds were that of the silverware clanking against your plates. When finished you excused yourself from the table. As you were walking away Grace asked,

"Did you pick a room?"

"Ah yes, I'll be staying in Diego's room." You answer

"Well it's not Diego's room anymore silly, it's yours! I'll go get some fresh sheets for the bed."

As you head to Diego's room you quickly get an idea to try and make the room more of your own. Transporting yourself to your old room you grab three items before transporting yourself back to the academy. As you approach Diego's room with the items in your arms you see that Grace had finished making the bed. Entering, you place the items on the desk. The diary replica that your parents gave you, the music box, and the teddy bear that Five gave you. It wasn't much but the items comforted you. Putting on a pair of pajamas you got ready for bed. As you pulled the bedsheets down Grace appeared behind you in the doorway and said,

"Goodnight (Y/N), sleep well."

She started to walk away when you called out,

"Grace?"

"Yes (Y/N)?" she replies

"Do you- do you think you could tuck me in?"

You saw as her expression was both happy and sad in a way. Like there was a piece missing that you somehow filled with that question.

"Of course," She replied a smile coming on to her face

You got into the bed and Grace happily tucked you in. Pulling the covers a top of she couldn't help but feel a sense of completeness that she lost years ago. The house had been so empty since all the kids left, but now she had someone to take care of and although the circumstances were less than great for you she wanted to make sure that she could give you the best. Quietly, she turned the light off and closed the door so you could fall asleep.

After that day the Hargreeves house had become your home. Over the next month, you moved most of your stuff from your old room to your new one. Having your stuff helped to make the transition easier although it also made you miss your past. To pass the time, you religiously wrote in the replica diary about each day but instead of writing dear diary for each entry, you wrote Dear Five. You hoped that if he came back one day you could give him the diary to read about what you were up to so it was like he was always there with you. With some help, you got enrolled in school but wouldn't start until after winter break. Even as you settled into the routine of training and living, you still felt all the emotions that you had that first day. You knew you wouldn't get over them immediately but you wished you had a better outlet. Going to Grace one day you asked her,

"Grace, do you have any ideas on how to get these negative feelings out in a healthy way? I know they won't go away but I'm hoping I can make them less strong."

"Hmm. Well if you put the energy that you spend on those feelings into different activities it might help. You could play the piano again or you can take up a physical sport. I heard boxing is really good for taking negative energy out." Grace responds "Actually I think there is a boxing club in the area. How about you check it out tomorrow?"

"Alright, I can try that. Do you think they're open though, it is Christmas Eve." You reply

"If my knowledge is correct, this one is open 365 days a year." Grace replies

You nodded and once you had figured out where it was you put on exercise clothes. Grace bundled you up in a warm jacket and with that, you walked your way over to the boxing club. Entering you approached a desk where an old man sat.

"Hi, I'd like to learn to box." You say

"You're a little small to learn, don't you think?" He replies

"I have a hundred dollars that say I'm not too small." You state holding up the bill

"Can't argue with that." The old man says taking the cash

He escorts you over to a punching bag.

"Wait here, I'll get you someone to teach you." He says before turning his attention "Hey Kraken, get your ass over here. I need you to teach this kid."

Slowly a man steps out of the boxing ring where he was practicing and walks over to where you and the old man are. The old man walks away as the younger man takes off his gear. He says,

"Hey, I'm-"

But he stops abruptly. The man just stares at you blankly.

"Are you okay?" You ask

"Sorry, you look like someone I used to know." He says

Something about this man felt familiar but you couldn't place it. The man sticks out his hand to shake yours. You go to shake it but when you look down at his wrist he has an all too familiar marking there, a tattoo of an umbrella in a circle. You look at the tattoo before looking up again at the man and start to recognize the features of the boy you used to know, now all grown up.

"Diego?" you question softly

"H-h-how did you know my name?" He stutters

"I knew it because you do know me. It's me, (Y/N)," you reply softly

You can see the confusion on his face turn into a softer expression. Although it might not have been evident to his other siblings, Diego was a deeply emotional person and you saw that exact look you were seeing in his eyes many times before when you two were younger.

"No. It can't be. You look exactly the same, you should be my age" He questions, the emotion on his face becoming more evident

"Accidentally traveling through time will do that to you. Please you have to believe me Eggo." You begged

He was having doubts that it was truly you but that all went away when you called him that name. It was a dumb nickname you gave him when one time Luther refused to let go of him. You kept exclaiming "let go my eggo" as you tried to use your powers to get Luther off. No one else but you ever knew of that. Tears formed in Diego's eyes but quickly after he wrapped his arms around you and picked you up.

"Hey everyone! My sister is back! We thought she went missing but she's back!" Diego exclaims to the people in the boxing club

There are some cheers and congratulations shouted from across the gym as Diego puts you back down. For so long he hoped that you would come back and now here you were like a Christmas miracle. You were more like a sibling to him in the short amount of time he knew you than his own siblings were. Instead of learning to box the two of you talked. You explained everything that you had gone through and your current living situation. He didn't like that you were living in that house with his father but he knew that he didn't have the means to house you nor properly take care of you. One thing he did know is that he was going to make sure that after all this misery you could have a better life. Even though time had gone on and he was older now you were still like a sister to him but now you were his little sister and he was determined to protect you from any harm the world might throw your way. He was going to be the best older brother he could be to you and make sure that you would not have to face the life he did.

And so for the next five years, Diego was there for every important moment in your life, always trying to support you and make it better. He dropped you off on your first day of school when spring semester rolled around and every first day after. He went to every piano recital you had and sat front row. When there was a father-daughter dance fundraiser he went to make sure you weren't alone. He trained you and coached you in boxing and was there for every single match. He planned a huge sweet 16 birthday party using what money he had. He was the one who took you on your first college visits when you were 17. He took time out of his days to practice working on your powers. For everything, he was there and on top of that, he regularly took you out of the house to spend time with you. You were his little sister, his true sister and he wanted you to know it.

Along with everything Diego did for you, you were grateful for some of the things you had gotten in the Hargreeves house. After about a year or so you stopped calling Grace by her name and started to call her mom. If androids could cry tears of joy Grace would have the first time that word left your mouth. Pogo had convinced Reginald to get you a piano play and in an odd act of kindness, he did. Along with that, your powers developed greatly under the supervision of Reginald and Pogo. You were able to do more in terms of manipulating the molecules in the world around you and were able to start seeing disturbances in them as well. Life wasn't perfect but through the years it got easier. But although you were growing up and trying to move on with your life, even after all those years Five never left your mind for a second. You missed him greatly and hated that the last words the two of you shared were ones of anger. You wondered if he was still mad at you. Each moment of every day Five still consumed your mind and you hoped that wherever he was, in another time and place, that he was doing okay and that one day he would come back to you.

Check out the side story here:

The Missing Five Years - “Lost In The Past” Side story

Taglist: @xplrreylo @joebob15274 @insatiable-ivy @fruitsaladtree @angelpeachamber @academy-umbrella @lizziel1410 @ir3neeee @faith-quake @aliens-with-colas @eddiomyspaghettio @lady-celeste25 @im-dead-and-hurting @nerdypinupcrystal @cherry-ki-d @anapocalypseinmymind @vicassa @2cuteforyourlies @taylorsmakingfuckingmacandcheese @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @shadowycreationcupcake @macaroni-mads @metor-showers1994 @fivehargreevesforthewin @rinko-san @supernovavision @cicilisthebest @flickbix @hi-v-juice @magykal-777 @zosiaduda

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dxmichelle · 3 years

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Writing Tag Game

I was tagged by my dear lovely @kaibacorpintern!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 16!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 741,948! The majority of that is from Of Lost Swords and Shadow Magic.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Of Lost Swords and Shadow Magic: the ygo/hp crossover origin fic for my Wayward Wizardry series.

Murder Most Foul: the ygo murder mystery game fic. The silliest bit of writing I've probably ever done, spawned by late night joke sessions with @kaibacorpintern.

The Hogwarts Slice of Life: little random one-shots that fit in OLSSM's universe.

Nerdshipping Shenanigans: little random one-shots/mini-ficlets that fit in OLSSM's universe, but are all Seto/Hermione, my otp. ❤️

Lost and Found: my abandoned Person of Interest fic.

Bonus #6: Maiden with Eyes of Blue: a Seto Kaiba birthday fic that explores the tense relationship between himself and Pegasus.

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I've since fallen off replying to comments, which is sad because I was fairly decent at it. I still do occasionally and I'm sure I will pick it up again someday.

In the meantime, whether I respond to them or not, know that I read and cherish every one of them.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oh...probably Guilt. It takes place right after Atem leaves and Yugi has many feelings.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? Probably Let it Snow, the ultra-sugary Christmas Fic I wrote on a whim during an OLSSM hiatus.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? I live in the ygo/hp crossover corner of the fandoms. But the craziest one I've ever written has to be Sapphire Road, because it's not only ygo/hp, but a Wizard of Oz/Return to Oz fusion. And it's Nerdship.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not necessarily hate but I have gotten some rather...interesting comments over on FF.net. There's one guest user that keeps trying to predict when I'm going to kill off Seto, and another that kept wanting me to write nonsensical ships into OLSSM.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? Hard no.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of. Hopefully not!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I've co-authored jokes for a fic! Does that count?

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship? My Nerdship babies!! Seto and Hermione take up a nice roomy residence in my brain 24/7, and since I've essentially created said ship, it's a lot of fun to explore how it comes together and what the future for them would look like beyond each of their canon series.

Otherwise, I am more of a platonic shipper vs romantic in the yugioh fandom, and I have soft spots for both pride, rival, trust and peach ship!

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I really don't want to have any unfinished fic, but i know in my heart that my Person of Interest fic will never be finished.

I've also been out of sorts with Ghost in the Machine as of late, and while it's on a temporary hiatus right now so I can work on OLSSM and Murder Most Foul, I'm sure I will return to it sooner rather than later.

15. What are your writing strengths? Plotting and characterization. While I am not-so-good at sticking to my outlines, most of my fics are elaborately plot-heavy, and it is very important to me that the characters sound and act as you would normally expect them to.

Another strength is just...going. If I'm sitting down to write and the words are flowing, I can get a ton down on the page in one sitting, and it's helped break me out of funks before.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Sticking to outlines, haha! But mostly being more of a descriptive writer. Sometimes I can tend to be very dialogue heavy, and while that's not terribly a bad thing, being more prose-y is something I am trying to work on.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I've never done it myself, but wouldn't be against it.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? ygo/hp. Surprise, surprise. Back in 2005! It was the junky, plotless version of OLSSM, and the true, original Nerdship story. It's still online in the depths of FF.net if you choose to seek out terrible writing, and follows almost every rule in the "you know you were on FF.net in 2009 if you did this..." post.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? How dare you make me play favorites among my children! Probably OLSSM only because it's such a journey for me to take something that was absolutely terrible and completely redo it! It was my first child returning to the YGO fandom after years apart and has been such a labor of love to develop. And it's the longest story I've ever tackled, and my first real attempt at ship writing. :D

And cuz I love me my crossover fics.

But Murder Most Foul is a close runner up only because unlike everything else I've written, it is not a serious fic. It's meant to be silly, and that in itself creates a new challenge to keep it lighthearted, but keep the characters intact.

Tagging @bellamy-taft, @darksidechick823, and @lafeae!

#michelle replies #ask meme #tag meme technically but whatever #fic writing is hard #thanks for the tag!!!

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voidcat · 4 years

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– calico of the lonely

Characters: Semi Eita/Reader

Genre & Word Count: fluff, comfort & 1.2k

A/N: Mainly inspired by the song Calico by glass beach but I suggest listening to All Delighted People (Classic Rock version) for the beginning of it:) i’ll probably redo the banner for Semi later

originall this was going to be (another) Oikawa piece but Linette’s suggestion (Semi) seemed better, thank you!

Waking up for the nth time today, you don’t have it in you to check the time. A sour taste in your mouth, you start walking around the house. This only dampens your mood.

Each furniture laying around, a reminder of another abandoned task, you make your way to the fridge. Snacking on some leftover food and drinking whatever you can find, you eyes take a tour in the room again.

Social media has gotten boring, your short lived hobbies desperately call your name; all there’s left is the pile of text books that wink your way, didn’t you say you would start studying about two weeks ago? All the opinions seem dreadful and you don’t think you can survive another nap without waking up every five seconds, dreams that await you are worse as it is. Putting on a hoodie and the first socks you can find, you count to yourself.

3… 2… 1…

You slam the door as soon as you open it. Maybe the cliché of hissing at sunlight is more of a thing than you thought, since you did it just now.

Five minutes of searching for sunglasses and you throw yourself out. The sun burns your skin and hurts your eyes but it was about time for a change. So you start walking around in the neighborhood, examining some houses with softer colors and ignoring the violent vibrant tones. The soil smells awful and the lawns of dog owners make your steps fasten.

Some time later, the walk becomes pleasant. No aim to it, no meaning behind it, no end goal or something to achieve; it feels like the first breathe of fresh air you take after getting lost under the sea for how long.

Without you notice, your steps gain rhythm, your hands move on their own and the light breeze feels to be welcoming you.

The lovely shade of silence is interrupted by a high pitched mewl.

Turning in place, you can spot a little cat. So you do what any person, who doesn’t hold a meaningless grudge towards animals, would do and crouch to its level. “Hello little one. Are you lost?”

As the words spill before your lips, you notice they’re the first ones you’ve said out loud in a long, long time. The cat meows back.

“Do you have a home or someone to go?” Reaching out your hand and petting the cat once, you look for a collar. She doesn’t seem to have one. You feel as lost as the cat does.

“I-“ “I’ll look around and ask if anyone has lost a beauty such as you. You stay where you are.” She moves her head in a way that resembles a nod. Your lips curl up towards the sight and you stand up.

The cat seems to have other plans.

Ignore all you want, you can’t not hear the little steps on the pavement after you. You turn again and the calico offers you a pleading face you’ve only seen in Shrek. “No, no; no. You stay here. I’ll bring help.” Saying the words one by one, loudly, doesn’t seem to help, she sits by your foot and rubs her cheek now.

How on earth am I supposed to look after a cat when I can’t even look after myself? All you can do is to hope the tales about cats choosing someone is true. Checking your pockets for cash, you look down at the cat again. “Come on then, let’s go shopping.”

—

As if on cue, the little calico waited outside as you shopped. Not exactly sure what the cat would like, you gathered anything you supposed was fit for her; cat food wet and dry, chicken, milk… Walking around a bit more, you had enough food for a month in the cart. By the time you walked back home, the sun began to set, the colors becoming one with her orange haired areas, shining like gold in the whites.

Jumping over the tiny fence to enter the yard, she waited for you by the door. That evening cooking seemed tempting. Turning on the radio and coming across a channel with nostalgic tunes, you chopped and cooked, set and served, ate and laughed. You woke up the next morning only to find her in her arms. It was the first time you got a decent night’s sleep with no interruptions.

The following days became weeks and each day was a dawn worth waiting. Muscles sore from using, hands getting back to work, your mind juggling, the calico sleeping by the sofa waiting for your breaks; some instances she’d grow too impatient and sit on whatever it is you’re working on. Smiling became more familiar on your face and so did falling asleep to purring.

The lovely dream shattered one day when you couldn’t find her anywhere. Noticing the open window, you put on the first hoodie you could find and rushed outside in a worry. Not sure how long has it been as you searched and you found yourself frozen in place when you spotted a cat all too familiar, behind someone’s window.

Approaching the said window with caution, the cat seemed to notice you as well, stopped clawing at the window sill and answered your gaze.

With the window opening and the cat pushing your chin with her head, you began your routine of head scratches and petting.

“Can I help you?” Four words you snap you out of your trance, you noticed the young man watching the two of you with a smile on his face.

Taking in your silence as a reply, he held out his hand and the cat turned her attention to him.

“Is this your cat?” He seemed surprised at your question. He must be, the cat was inside his house obviously. “It’s just- I’ve spotted her outside few times before.” You add a little excited.

“Ah yes, I let her out sometimes. She likes walking around during the day.” His voice sounds a bit different than when he first spoke to you. “Although she was gone for two weeks, got me worried.” At that, you avoid his gaze, he seems to notice it too.

“I have a guess you had something to do with it but I’d hate to speculate things.” You keep your gaze focused on the cat for a while.

“You didn’t happen to be lonely or lost, did you?” He tries again. “That’s how she first found me too.” As his voice softens, you look up to him, only to see the sun.

“They have an eye for spotting alone souls, don’t they?”

“Maybe they just seek company like theirs and find comfort in shared loneliness.”

“With meows that seem to say ‘You don’t need to be alone any more’.-“ “I am Semi!.. Semi Eita.”

With a confused look, you offer back your name. “If you happen to come visit us again- the cat, I mean-“ Your laughter cuts his sentence in the middle.

“I’d love to, Semi.”

When you look back at the cat between your figures, you can’t help but think how wrong it was of you to pet her head and tell her she’s a lucky girl; because now all you can realize is how lucky you were to go out that day and run into her.

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hellyeahomeland · 4 years

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[Assuming I can count right, this is the tenth and last debrief. Thank you to everyone who participated. These questions are harder than they seem! See you all on the other side. --Sara]

Name: Sara (@carriemathison)

Answered on: various days over the last two weeks

1. What is your idea of a perfect Homeland ending?

It needs to feel right. I need to look back and think, “yeah, that was right.” What is “right” though?… I mean, I have no idea. I’ll know it when I see it and I’ll know when I don’t see it. How’s this for not answering a question?

2. Which Homeland character do you most identify with?

This is a tricky question because I don’t really relate to any character on this show. Their lives and circumstances are all so extreme. That said, I’ve spent the better part of a decade thinking about and trying to understand Carrie Mathison in all her maddening complexity, so at this point I do identify with her.

3. What has your experience as a fan of the show been like?

A rollercoaster, start to finish. This fandom has gone through so many iterations. It’s evolved in much the same way that the show has. I could never in 400 gagillion years imagined that after seven years we’d have amassed over 22,000 posts, five seasons’ worth of podcasts, and so many friends from all over the world. It’s been a ride. We really did have a time.

4. What is a moment on Homeland that made you sit up out of your seat in awe or shock?

There have been quite a few over the years. These stand out most vividly in my memory.

Carrie going New Car Smell on Brody’s ass in “New Car Smell.” I have vivid, vivid memories of watching that in my apartment in college. This was before the days of the blog and the only place I had to discuss this show was TWoP.

Brody dying. I remember watching that episode at my desk, in that same college apartment, and having an actual physical reaction to him being hanged. I think I started to shake. That hasn’t happened before or since.

Strangely, the end of “Long Time Coming” really caught me by surprise. I felt that ending was actually kind of cliffhanger-y, because when the screen cut to black amid that familiar jazz music I think I stood up and screamed. It might also have been a delayed reaction to The Kiss, which was legitimately shocking at the time.

5. If you could have the writers redo one storytelling decision, what would it be and why?

The popular answer seems to be that they should have killed Quinn in season five, which is correct. But let’s just assume they’ve already done that since we all agree they should have.

I’m going to go with a left-field answer and say that I want a redo of the storyline with Carrie’s mother. In two straight season finales (“The Choice” and “The Star”) there are allusions to Carrie’s mother and to Carrie feeling abandoned. They set up all the right pieces in season four, a season that is largely centered around Carrie coming to terms with being a mother herself, with being a mother to this child she kept for a number of reasons that felt more and more tragic (and ill-advised) each day.

Instead of focusing on the resolution of Carrie’s own anger and resentment toward Ellen Mathison in light of Carrie finally understanding what it means to abandon a child, they decided to make it about Carrie’s secret half-brother, her mother’s series of affairs, and the revelation that Ellen didn’t leave Frank because he was bipolar. The last, by the way, is important, but it’s framed in such a way as to provide context to her initial rejection of Quinn post-The Kiss (“I’ll just fuck it up”), and it all adds up to a jumbled, overwrought mess. We all deserved better. That scene is I think the only time while watching this show that I thought, wow Claire seems to be really struggling with this.

6. If you could be a Homeland character, which one would you like to be?

I would like to be Carrie for... let’s say a month. It would be supremely painful and dramatic, but imagine being that fucking awesome? That smart and powerful and fearless?

7. What is your favorite episode of Homeland?

“Marine One” and that’s been my answer for over seven years. I think it’s my favorite episode of television ever. Beyond it spawning twin years-long sartorial obsessions, I think it is really a masterpiece. I love the structure of the episode. It starts off very quietly. Brody’s tape is haunting and then the scene where Saul visits Carrie is disgustingly heartbreaking (“But Saul…” … I will never get over that). Then it ramps up into this anxiety-filled clusterfuck. Carrie realizing what’s happening but no one will listen (yes, I know all the words in that phone call scene, what about it?) except Dana. That’s irony. The Carrie and Brody cat/mouse game continuing outside the police station, Brody just digging and digging even after Carrie cries uncle. Carrie remembering who Issa is right before they erase her memory. These are all sentence fragments because I’m bad at articulating my feelings about this episode. Except that I can basically only ever watch it on an airplane because I have nowhere else to go. I build up some episodes of this show in my head, remembering them as better than they actually are. This is one of the few that is just as good. Legendary, iconic, will never be topped.

8. What is your least favorite episode of Homeland?

There are some episodes of this show that are boring and nothing to write home about (or blog about, for that matter). Other episodes have gotten a reputation over the years as being some of the show’s worst (“Broken Hearts,” “Tower of David,” “America First” -- all of which are better than you remember). I can deal with all of those episodes well enough. In fact I’ve been quite shocked at all the “Tower of David” slander in these responses over the last few months, but now is not the time for me to defend “Tower of David.”

In keeping with this blog’s motto for the last seven years, I’m gonna go rogue on this one and say that I absolutely hate the double whammy of “Why Is This Night Different?” and “Better Call Saul.” Those episodes suck. In all our years of podcasting, the only episode that I have outright refused to do a podcast episode for is “Better Call Saul.” (At the time I made up an excuse, but guess what I LIED because I hate that episode.) Quinn leaning pathetically on Carrie’s shoulder after he gets shot and later tying himself to a cinder block to drown himself in a river will never not be legitimately, horrifyingly terrible. The only saving grace of these episodes is HAIR IN A BUN but they had to fuck it up with that awful wig. Bad.

9. If you could bring back one character, dead or alive, from the Homeland graveyard, who would it be and why?

David Estes. Gone too soon and we deserved to see a Carrie/David romance redux.

10. What will be your most enduring memory of Homeland?

I’ve met so many amazing people as a result of this show and this blog. Real and true forever friends. There are so many fantastic memories, and not-fantastic ones that will nevertheless endure.

Of them all, I will never forget going to Chicago the weekend of the season six finale with Ashley; seeing Hamilton on Saturday night; realizing that there was not an HDMI-equipped television in the Airbnb; buying a television at Best Buy on Sunday morning; going to a Chicago White Sox game where we proceeded to get pretty tipsy on alcoholic root beer; buying lots and lots of alcohol at a liquor store, including some trademark Carrie pinot grigio, because we were having a great ol’ time; maintaining the buzz throughout the finale; whispering “oh my God they killed him” when they killed Quinn, after which Ashley reflexively replied “no, he’s not dead”; recording a drunk podcast in the immediate aftermath that is sadly lost to the sands of time; realizing that everyone was freaking out about the episode; calling it a night at 10:30pm; groggily waking up a few hours later to Ashley telling me she was leaving the Airbnb; being hungover the next day and listening to Ashley tell me about how she did some light breaking and entering the previous night; driving back to Madison while we tried to make sense of anything Rupert Friend was saying in his post-finale interviews; and keeping the aforementioned television in the back seat of my car for the next six months before I finally sold it to a friend (“only been used one time!”).

#*#by: sara #homeland debrief

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leviathanpotato · 5 years

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Reflections - Young!Remus Lupin X Werewolf!OC

PART 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Oof. I’ve been resurrected. Starting to think that actual revision would have helped with my mocks.

Feel like I should put a small summary even though this is the fourth part. But then again I don’t have the energy

Warning - Panic attack.

I wouldn’t call this angsty, I just wrote it at a very low point.

Elise hated history with a passion. On any day, she was incompetent at the topic, but today she could barely concentrate. She was too busy thinking about boys. Remus was distracting in every sense, Mulciber was a creep who needed to be destroyed and for some reason Sirius wanted to see her. Elise preferred to think about the first of the three, and found herself slipping away as she tried to identify what kind of shampoo he used from the smell.

A crumpled piece of parchment landed on her desk. She jumped.

Unfurling it, Elise was greeted with the neat but barely readable scrawl of Sirius Black.

‘We need to talk.’

Frowning, Elise turned her quill to the parchment. Since when was Sirius that desperate to have a serious conversation about anything?

‘About?’ She scrawled back. She paused, checking to make sure Binns wasn’t looking before chucking the parchment back to Sirius.

A few seconds later, it returned.

‘Last night’

The letters were scratched with obvious anger. Elise glowered at the sheet, thinking hard. Sirius left her with Remus then left to presumably meet James, what could he possibly be pissed about about regarding the previous night? Sirius didn’t even know her that well. Why did he suddenly want to talk?

‘What do you mean?’ She replied, scowling as she tossed the paper over her shoulder.

‘You know what. I need you to talk to me. Meet me after class.’

The letters made Elise’s blood run cold. Her fingers shook slightly as she struggled to control the quill.

‘Leave me alone’

She lobbed the paper at him. He sent several notes back, which she ignored. He even managed to charm some sheets into hitting her head repeatedly until she swatted them away with her hand.

The bell had barely finished ringing when Elise raced out of the door. She now had not one, but two angry, dark haired boys to avoid. Brilliant. She found herself rushing aimlessly through the corridors, hoping to find a really obscure corner of the castle that no one went to. As she hurried along, she listened keenly to every footstep. There was one she picked out. A heavy thudding that seemed to be getting closer with each second.

Elise started running. So did the steps. They echoed right in her ear as she dashed down the stairs, pushing past a large group of third years. After shoving through the hordes of people, she slipped through a rickety door and continued down a dusty path. The footsteps had gone. She’d lost them in the crowd.

Sighing, Elise keeled over, heaving as she caught her breath. She received several odd stares as she panted for breath, leaning against the wall so that she wouldn’t collapse. She made a mental note to start exercising.

Relieved, Elise ambled down the corridor. She didn’t recognise this area of the school from memory, but she vaguely knew that she was somewhere near the Ravenclaw tower entrance. She padded along, noticing the brickwork that was in dire need of redoing. She reached out to brush a dusty cobweb of one of the paintings.

A hand grabbed her arm and she screamed. The small gaggle of students in front of her turned around, giggling at her.

Flushing, she turned to see Sirius, his knuckles white as he gripped her arm, looking pissed. “You are not getting out of this, Elise.”

Sirius pulled Elise through the hallway as she struggled to keep up. He kept pulling her onwards. Her arm began to sting from the harsh grip. She found herself stumbling forwards as he marched further until they found a barren classroom. He twirled around to look for witnesses, before yanking her through the door.

Elise tripped forwards into the desk whilst Sirius frowned at her. The numbness spreading up her hands as a falling feeling grew inside her. She was falling into herself, strapped to a chair as the TV screen depicting her life slid out of view. The sounds around her grew muffled and dull, she was leaving her body, back at the other end of the telescope and there was nothing she could do. When she regained her balance, they stared at each other, Elise partially terrified and Sirius furious.

“What?” Elise broke the silence. Her own voice sounded alien to her.

Sirius flinched, as though forgetting that she was right in front of him. His glare softened into a look of pity.

“I’m not sure how to word this.” He said. His anger had completely dissipated and was replaced with a strange tone, almost sad. He played with his hands, unsure whether to meet her gaze. “Okay… All I’m going to say is…” He started, beginning to sound mournful. “I know this will be hard for you, but I need you to tell me the truth.”

Elise felt ice spread through her veins. No he doesn’t, a voice called out in her head.

Her mind span so much she felt dizzy. She dropped suddenly into her chair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She choked out of her numb lips. She had completely left the room; her senses were growing further away. Her ears were whining and her sight blurring. She was desperate. Maybe he was being overdramatic about something completely different. It was Sirius after all.

Sirius’ gaze softened further. He sighed sorrowfully, drawing up a chair to face her. He mimed claws slashing across her face with his fingers.

Elise’s flinched so violently Sirius’ hand jumped out to catch her. She started shaking her head, her shivering fingers trailing over skin. Her lungs started heaving. She’d already lost control of her life and now her body was refusing to obey.

In her distraught, distracted state this morning, she had completely forgotten to hide the ugly white lines ruining her porcelain skin.

She raised her hands to her mouth, staring at the ground. She hoped that maybe if she stared at the floor long enough, it would collapse into a black hole and suck her into her inevitable doom. All she succeeded in was peppering the stone with tear stains. Her whole body was shaking like she was being electrocuted. Black splotches swarmed her vision. She felt uncontrollable sobs heave through her. Her breaths started wheezing without her control and the walls started collapsing inwards.

Terrified, she jumped out of the chair, feeling her throat constricting her. She couldn’t breathe, her ears were droning; she felt like she was falling into the black hole, being twisted and crushed and ripped apart from the inside.

In her frantic state, she was vaguely aware of Sirius softly taking her shoulders and laying her down, keeping her back supported. He gave her space, but was near enough to whisper gently in her ears.

“Hey. I’m here. It’s okay. Just breathe, okay. In…out… Can you do that?” He murmured, attempting to brush her hair but giving up when his fingers got stuck.

Elise swallowed, nodding at him. It reminded her of the way her mother would calm her after her nightmares as a child. Elise felt the panic slipping away as fast as it had come. She was still crying, but the ringing in her ears dulled and her sight cleared. She felt herself returning to her body, the feeling returning to her fingers. Slowly, she allowed Sirius to help her sit up.

They sat together for some time until Elise’s sniffles slowed down enough for her to talk.

“I’m so sorry Elise. I promise I only wanted to help. I didn’t know you would react so badly. It’s just, I heard Mulciber mention it and…” He looked down at his fingers. “..I’d never felt so angry at someone in my life.” Sirius babbled his face white and gaunt.

“Thank you.” Elise whispered hoarsely. Sirius noticed and conjured up a glass of water. She took the glass and drank, the cool liquid soothing the fire in her throat.

“I always wondered…ever since we found out about Remus.” Sirius mentioned, kneeling next to her.

She glanced up, hope numbing the crushing pain in her chest. “You don’t hate him…even when he’s a werewolf?”

“Hate him?” Sirius echoed, barking out a short laugh. “He’s one of my best mates, of course I don’t hate him. I don’t hate you either, whatever anyone says, you’re perfect, you got that.”

Elise shook her head as she took a long gulp of water. Part of her hoped that she could drink enough to not have to talk to him and then escape to the toilet. Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.

“No, you don’t shake your head at me, Fluffy. You are amazing you’re going to start joining in with me and the others and you’re going to feel fantastic and then you and Remus will get married and it’ll be perfect and I will be godfather to all your children and we’ll all live happily ever after.” He finished, waving his hands in the air extravagantly.

Elise laughed bitterly. “I don’t think he even likes me.” She said. She frowned. “Wait…Fluffy?”

“Elise, Remus is obsessed with you. He keeps talking about you when you’re not around and if I had a galleon for every time he complained that he didn’t know you well enough I’d have more money than all the vaults in Gringotts.” He told her, sternly. “And he stares at you in lessons.”

Elise felt herself blushing. “So you want us to hang out.”

“You’ll be in the gang.” He responded proudly.

“You don’t think I’m a freak.” Elise asked. She needed to be sure. He was offering her what she’d always dreamed of, someone who likes her even with the truth…and a relationship with Remus.

Sirius sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. “You and Remus are bloody twins; I had this exact conversation with him when we found out about him.” He knelt down in front of her, gently taking her hand. “Elise, what you are doesn’t matter, it should never matter to the people who love you and if it does then they don’t deserve someone as kind as you. It’s who you are that counts, on the inside. You have such a unique personality and that makes you special. Think about it, I come from a family who is proud that my brother wants to be a death eater, they are proud that they are ‘superior pure bloods’. I have their blood in me, but does that make me like them? No. We are who we chose to be, we have that choice. Your lycanthropy doesn’t control you and it never will.”

Elise felt a new warmth spread through her; a flickering flame of hope. Unlike the searing heat of pain, this burst like a supernova inside her, driving away the emptiness and the sickness. She felt happy, truly happy. She felt, for the first time in years, like she truly belonged in this life, like somebody actually cared for her. She felt tears swell up, happy tears. She beamed at him, an uncontrollable smile that she’d never felt before.

Sirius reflected her smile, before turning stern again. “Now, how do you want me to deal with him?”

“Him?” Elise responded with a dry throat. Her happiness slipped away as fast as it had come.

“Yes.” He spat, looking outraged at the thought of him. “The prick. Do you honestly expect me to let him own you like that?”

“What did you hear?” She croaked.

Sirius scowled. “Not a lot. The threat about finishing his work until he left you in the corridor.”

Elise looked down. Part of her was glad that he didn’t know anymore, there were some things she could never be ready to deal with. “Sirius. Please don’t. If you go after him he’ll tell everyone I couldn’t forgive you for that. Leave him alone, for me.” She pleaded at him, looking up with puppy dog eyes.

“He’s ruining your life.” He fumed.

“And if you touch him he has the power to end it.” She shouted at him, leaping to her feet. Sirius’ eyes widened slightly as she grabbed his sleeves. “Please, you can’t speak to him.” She begged.

“Does he touch you?” Sirius spat. Elise could almost see the steam coming out of his ears, knowing that the question had been plaguing him from the very beginning.

“No.” Elise said, careful to keep her voice steady. She would argue that she was technically telling the truth, but if he knew everything then he would think otherwise and then she’d have to cover up a murder. “He doesn’t. He thinks I’m filth - and I’m a half blood. He just wants me to make him look good. Please don’t hurt him.”

Sirius stared at her, his eyes flickering between hers - blue to amber, ice to fire. “Tell me as soon as you change your mind.” He muttered. “Then that fucker is dead.”

Elise relaxed, letting go of his robes. “Thank you” She whispered. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course I did.” Said Sirius. “You’re Remus’ crush. You’re one of us now.”

Probably 2 or 3 parts to go now. Low key want to delete the whole thing.

#Young!Remus Lupin #remus lupin x oc #young!remus lupin x oc #young!remus imagine #remus lupin fanfiction

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helenofsimblr · 6 years

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I have a LOT of catching up to do!

I was tagged to do the 57 facts thing by @fayts4 @tabbyrhsims4simblr and @midnightdevotions I think I got everybody if not you’ll have to forgive me my shoddy memory. But I have so many blogs to catch up on I am ready to cry!

1. Simblr is a secret thing for me, only my husband knows about it. Its my own guilty pleasure.

2. I recently became a parent and I am very much planning to have at least 1 more while there is still time!

3. I have done a lot of work on some really amazing stuff, none of which I can ever talk about due to secrecy agreements.

4. I have a PhD in mathematics, so that proves I am super boring.

5. I tried my first cigarette at age 11, but didn’t touch it again till age 26 which was when I took it up, I would smoke anything from 0 to 10 cigs a day depending on the day I had. I quit cigs this year aged 32 in January. So hopefully didn’t do myself too much damage.

6. At age 29 I started smoking cigars on special occasions those are: my birthday, Christmas, New year, Valentines, and my wedding anniversary. Being the “badass” I am, I inhale every 5th drag for a little extra kick, even though you shouldn’t do that... I have not quit the cigars!

7. I have a younger brother and an older sister, I am the middle sibling.

8. I have only ever had 3 boyfriends in my life. And 1 “fancy man.”

9. I was engaged to be married to my second boyfriend, I basically twisted his arm into it because of my condition I was afraid I’d be some old woman called Ms instead of Mrs, he did not want to be married, not to me anyway. I should have realised that back then...

10. While I was engaged to boyfriend number 2 I had an affair which lasted about 8 months, it was with a colleague at work, and it was amazing! I don’t condone cheating, not in the least, but I realise, the sensible thing to do would have been to call off the engagement.

11. I had giganstism (Acromegaly) as a child, I am 6 foot 7 inches tall bare foot. I do not like being this tall... not one bit. There are so many health issues that come with this, that it really isn’t worth it.

12. When I stopped growing, Acromegaly causes your face and hands and feet to carry on growing... I have size 14 feet. UK size. My hands are large enough that I can grip 4 tennis balls in one hand easily.

13. I have no tattoos. I have never ever wanted a tattoo. I don’t actually like them very much.

14. I don’t have any piercings anywhere else beside my ears. I have 2 piercings in each ear.

15. I am a huge petrol head. I love cars and I will happily have a discussion with any man about them, or woman if she is so inclined!

16. Due to the facial changes caused by Acromegaly I decided to go and get cosmetic surgery in late 2017 to change my face back to a more softer look.

17. I love Star Trek. Captain Kirk is my favourite captain, he is the best. No discussion. If it wasn’t for Kirk there would be no Picard, no Sisko, no Janeway. None of those pretenders would be here!

18. I think Quentin Tarrantino and his films are vastly overrated and often incomprehensible and worst yet, non linear.

19. I really dislike the taste of alcohol. The only drinks I get on well with are Guiness and Gin and tonics. Most others I don’t like. I hate wine.

20. I hated that stupid Pokemon Go craze!! The amount of people who walked into me in the street... That shit was dangerous.

21. My hair used to be naturally blonde, but in recent years its started to get darker, which is why I now use colouring to keep it where it was.

22. I should wear glasses to read, but I don’t bother.

23. While preggers I had gestational diabetes. Which was not fun at all.

24. I love swimming, but I hate the sea because I am afraid of whats in it. Sharks, jellyfish, all sorts of wonderful, yet horrid creatures designed to kill and maim!

25. When I was doing my PhD, somebody on my research team literally took about 80% of my thesis content and used it in their thesis. I had no time to appeal or go through proper channels as I already had a job lined up, and was due to have my pituitary tumor removed, therefore, my only option was to redo 80% of my thesis.

26. I am not religious (at least not in any organised way), however, I find the theory of how the universe came into being utterly laughable. A big bang... seriously?? If before the universe, there was nothing, where did the shit that exploded come from? Its bullshit. Truth is, nobody knows for sure, but we’re so desperate to know that scientists will happily invent theories to fit what few facts they have.

27. Despite not being religious, I firmly believe in existence after death. I say existence, not life, there is a difference. I have seen what would be colloquially referred to as a “ghost” when I was 13 years old.

28. I love the old pulp sci fi, things like Lost in Space, and voyage to the bottom of the sea

29. My favourite foods are pizzas. I cannot get enough of them! In particular just bog standard pepperoni

30. I suck at sports. Any sport, and I suck at it.

31. I often worry about things so much I lose my perspective, I cannot help but worry and it usually leads to a cascade of worry and I may make poor decisions.

32. I am part German. I can speak German, to a fashion... its not very good as I rarely use it.

33. I have regular chiropractic care and I have to say its worth every penny. I feel better physically now than I have in years! As a bonus, the IBS I suffered with, since I have been seeing my chiropractor has actually cleared up!

34. I am currently trying to complete something on my bucket list, I am attempting to watch EVERY John Wayne film.

35. I hated Star Wars the Last Jedi. Shit film!

36. I have a cuddly toy from I was a baby which I still have! (I don’t sleep with it of course)

37. I love inappropriate/dirty jokes.

38. I am, somewhat, anti-abortion. I understand there is a time and a place for everything however, but given birth control and access to morning after pills...

39. I am not political, I loathe politicians. None of them have a clue what it is like to be in the real world. Also... why do we have Ministers of health who have never been a nurse or doctor? And so forth... doesn’t make sense!

40. I have been married 3 years now.

41. I cannot bend over and touch my toes.

42. I recently took a woman to court and won! After she keyed (Scratched the car with a key) my Range Rover from bumper to bumper in the supermarket.

43. I hate shopping. I find it so tedious and inconvenient. I honestly do not understand how other females can find this a pleasurable activity!

44. I have never tried any illegal drugs in my life.

45. Apparently I was late performing all my children milestones. Walking, talking and potty training. I took months longer than my siblings did.

46. I find it really hard to go to the toilet in a public toilet. It disturbs me.

47. I hate it when people tell me “You’re late.” As though I have no concept or track of time. I usually reply with “I was quite aware before you pointed it out.” I never apologise for being late, unless I know that my being late was definitely my fault.

48. I am often amused by simblr. Especially at all these “dramas” that pop up round here. Particularly over custom content and how it should never be uploaded by anybody but the creator or changed or whatever... did I mention how somebody took 80% of my PhD thesis and used it in their work? Oh yes. Point number 25.

49. If I go for ice cream, doesn’t matter where it is, I will always go for vanilla.

50. White chocolate is my favourite chocolate of all. So sweet and creamy...

51. I am allergic to penicillin.

52. I love superhero films. Particularly the Marvel ones. I think Marvel do better films than DC but DC do better animated films / television than Marvel do.

53. I think Nolan’s batman trilogy is overrated speaking of superhero films.

54. Speaking of films, only once ever have I walked out of the cinema. I remember I went to see Mr and Mrs Smith, and half way through I walked out. Have never seen the end of that film since.

55. My favourite Junk Food is bacon double cheeseburgers!

56. Due to having acromegaly... every year... without fail... I have to go and get a camera up my ass! Yeah its great being tall(!)

57. I HATE pears. I mean hate them! I hate the texture of them in my mouth, I hate the feel of their skin, I hate EVERYTHING about pears. Even sat here typing this I get goosebumps. If I was trapped on a desert island where all there was to eat was Pears. I would starve to death!

I tag, @themoonglitch @rebelsoulsims @igglemouse and @flowers--girl and @sparkiemonkey and @alittledaylight do this EPIC tag. If you think you can’t. or done it, or don’t want to cool.

#tag game #57 things tag

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pogueman · 7 years

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Electrify your existing bike in 2 minutes with these ingenious wheels

yahoo

You may not be European. So you may not know about electric bikes, which are white-hot popular in the cities of Europe.

On an e-bike, a smooth, silent motor boosts your pedaling, making easy work of hills and headwinds. E-bikes offer a perfect middle ground between cars (easy, but expensive to drive, expensive to park, and polluting) and regular bikes (free, non-polluting, but you get to work sweaty). An e-bike means never paying for gas, sailing past traffic jams, and never having to hunt for parking.

As long as an e-bike’s motor tops out at 20 miles per hour (15 in Europe), your government considers it a bicycle. So—unlike with motorcycles—you don’t need a license, you don’t have to be 16, you don’t have to register it, and don’t have to fuss with a bunch of laws.

That part was supposed to get you excited about e-bikes. Now here’s the part where you crash: Good e-bikes start at $3,500 and go way, way up. (Here’s my review of four of them.)

But suppose you could electrify the bike you already have? Suppose you could just pop off its wheel, and replace it with a motorized one. Then you could have an e-bike for a fraction of the price—without giving up the frame, seat, brakes, gears, and handlebars you already own and love.

The Copenhagen Wheel turns any old bike (or new one) into an e-bike.

That’s the idea behind the Copenhagen Wheel and the Geo Orbital wheel. (A third, really promising replacement wheel, called the UrbanX, was a successful Kickstarter project and then, renamed UrbaNext, succeeded on Indiegogo. Apparently they’re accepting pre-orders. But the company didn’t respond to a dozen emails I sent over a couple of weeks, they didn’t reply to any queries sent through their web form—and their phone number in Singapore is disconnected. I sure hope UrbanX isn’t Urban Ex.)

Both companies are based in Massachusetts, both wheels are waterproof and rechargeable, and both wheels change bike-riding game.

GeoOrbital

This futuristic, robotic-looking circle ($1,000) replaces your existing bike’s front wheel. As a result, you can perform the entire wheel-replacement surgery in, no joke, two minutes after viewing the installation video. Spread your brake pads, open the quick-release clamp, swap wheels, redo the clamp and brakes, and then snap the thumb throttle onto your handlebar. You can’t use the GeoOrbital on bikes with disc brakes.

Nobody will mistake the GeoOrbital for a regular bike wheel.

On the other hand, a front-wheel design has no way to know how hard you’re pedaling, or even if you’re pedaling. You don’t get any help from your e-wheel except when you’re holding down the thumb throttle. (Throttle-powered e-bikes are illegal in the bike lanes of Europe, however.)

Here’s the handlebar throttle—the only way to get a boost from the GeoOrbital.

There’s a long list of juicy features. The tire is made of hard foam, so it can’t ever go flat. The ignition key locks the removable battery in place, and also turns the power on or off.

Here’s how you charge and turn on the wheel.

You can get the GeoOrbital in either of two sizes. The smaller one, for 26-inch bikes, has a smaller battery, and therefore a lower weight (17 pounds), charging time (3 hours), and range (12 miles without pedaling, or 30 miles with pedaling).

The larger one (for bikes with 28, 29, and 700c wheels) is more massive: 21 pounds, 20-mile range without pedaling (50 miles with pedaling), recharges in 4 hours. Of course, you should take all e-bike range estimates with a grain of salt the size of your fist. Your weight, speed, and terrain all have a huge effect on those numbers.

You’re not going to fool anyone with the GeoOrbital’s looks: It’s truly weird-looking and attention-getting, like it’s made from the Terminator’s spare parts. The hub’s three giant arms press against the wheel rim—the tire rotates, but the contraption itself does not. (The company notes that this hubless design is a relative of the Lightcycles in the old Disney movie “Tron.”)

The motor makes a soft whine while it’s helping you, but it’s otherwise clean and quiet. Here’s what it looks and sounds like while you’re riding:

youtube

(Yes, I know it’s a decrepit, rusted bike—it’s the only 26-incher I had on hand.)

The GeoOrbital also boasts regenerative braking: When you’re coasting or braking, your momentum recharges the battery a bit. Unfortunately, when you’re not using power—when you’re just pedaling your bike as usual—the wheel fights you, adding resistance.

That, and the substantial front-weighting of your bike, make an unwieldy combination. A few of my test riders, initially delighted by the quiet whooshing feeling of GeoOrbital-assisted riding, lost a lot of their enthusiasm as a result.

The Copenhagen Wheel

This wheel costs more—$1,500—and replaces your back wheel. Installation is therefore a more complex operation than popping off the front wheel. You have to fiddle with your bike chain, for example. Takes about 10 minutes instead of one.

You buy the entire rear wheel, but the magic is in the red capsule.

You can order this wheel for almost any bike—road, hybrid, or mountain; any kind of tire, in 700c or 26-inch sizes; single-speed or 7-, 8-, 9-, or 10-speed. You can also, by the way, order a beautiful complete bike with the Wheel already installed, for $2,000.

You can also buy a complete bike in various styles.

But wow, what a beautiful, compact, simple-looking machine. There’s nothing on your handlebar, no cable snaking up your bike frame. Instead, the shiny red capsule hub of your wheel contains everything: motor, battery, three computers, radio, and 74 sensors. If the design concept of the GeoOrbital is “all the technology is on display,” the Copenhagen Wheel’s is “conceal all of it.”

There’s a lot going on in that red hub.

Of course, this design means that you can’t swap in a new battery; you’re stuck with one 30-mile charge at a time. It, too, recharges a bit when you brake or coast.

The center of the red capsule contains an on/off switch and a tiny door that protects the charging prongs.

The charging cable has a magnetic tip, which pops open the charging-port door.

When you start to pedal, the Wheel amplifies the power of your foot. This is the best part by far: The boost is smooth, silent, and controlled. The feeling is exhilarating. Everyone who tries it utters one delighted exclamation or another: “WOOHOO!!” or “Whoa!” or “Oh, wow!” or “Omigod!”

They get it immediately: That this wheel levels not only the hills of your city, but also the playing field for older, younger, or weaker riders.

A phone app—a little buggy, unfortunately—controls how much boost you get: Turbo, Standard, Eco, None (it’s just a bike), and Exercise (extra resistance, which recharges the battery). The app also auto-tracks your rides, maintaining a map, distance, time, and calories burned for each session. As you drag your finger around the map of your route, a graph shows you how much of the work you performed, and how much help you got from the wheel.

The Superpedestrian app tracks your rides—and graphs how feeble you are.

The app can also “lock” the wheel. It still turns, but a thief won’t get any assistance from the Wheel.

The huge benefit of replacing your rear wheel is, of course, that the Wheel knows when you’re pedaling, and how hard. It gives you a boost proportional to the effort you’re expending. Somebody up at Superpedestrian (the manufacturer) spent a lot of time fine-tuning the torque ratios so that it would feel smooth and magical.

Coasting Home

These two products address the same problem, but their philosophies could not be more different. The Copenhagen Wheel supplies power only when you’re pedaling; your bike may be superpowered, but it’s still a bike. The GeoOrbital, on the other hand, basically turns your bike into a moped. You can, if you like, just sit there and cruise along without pedaling at all.

Which philosophy you prefer is, of course, a matter of your philosophy.

The Copenhagen Wheel’s sophistication, polish, fun, and unobtrusiveness made it the favorite of most of my test riders; they felt it was easily worth the $500 price premium. At 17 pounds, it, too, is heavy (batteries and gravity, man—am I right?). Then again, regular e-bikes weigh around 50 pounds. And having the weight in the back feels more stable than having it in front.

Both of these wheels, though, beautifully execute their mission : Turning the bike you already own into a superbike.

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Just got notice from my insurance company (auto only) that they are going to be ordering insurance loss history reports and motor vehicle reports. They will help determine our eligibility for insurance and the price we may be charged. All well and good. But here's the kicker, the part I don't get. They also say that they may order additional consumer reports that include our credit info. They may use a credit-based insurance score based on that info. And they may use a 3rd party to develop our credit-based insurance score. Is this normal? Do many companies do this? Is this something that anyone else is outraged about, and is anyone fighting this? I don't have much cause for concern really, but I don't get what one thing has to do with the other. You could explain that to me too! If it matters, this is American Family Insurance. Does State Farm do this?""

""Can anyone advise me on a good insurance company , young drivers?

im 17 and just got my pass plus certificate . i have a 1.2 litre 1999 fiat punto. i have been quoted 3500 on a tracker insurance policy and i think that's a ridiculous price ! has anyone got a good quote and want to tell what company they got it with

""Would it be fair if I give you a bit of tax hikes, since you can now save on more affordable health care which?

I gave to you?

Insurance for teenager?

I just need an in general Really what I need is a website where I might be able to fill out some information to get an average of what my insurance might be. I will get my license soon. I have a high GPA around 3.5 and will be driving a dodge spirit in ohio. Anyone have any idea around what my insurance would be?

Kids Health Insurance?????

Which kids health insurance will pay for braces?

How much does auto insurance cost for a 17 year old boy for insurance companies?

I'm in the u.s.

Do I need insurance to get my driver's license in Iowa?

meaning do they ask for insurance papers?? my friends car that I am planning to use for license test is insured but he doesn't poses the insurance papers. Do they ask for insurance papers or can you just tell them its insured and that's it.

How can i make my car insurance quote cheaper?

When i get quotes online they are really expensive, what could i change to make it cheaper?""

What is the diffrence between an 2007 Mustang and a 2007 Mustang Premium?

Another question is how much will insurance cost for a 16 year old with a license and driving certificate

Earlysville Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 22936

""I was rear ended, question about insurance?""

I was rear ended, and since it was completely the other guys fault my insurance company (allstate) said I could just call his insurance company to file the claim, as they would be paying for everything. So I did, and they sent out the adjuster to assess the damages (basically scratches) and said they will be sending me a check based on the adjusters findings. So... what if when I go to get it fixed it costs more, or what if they find out something is bent or jacked up underneath? Can I go back and ask for more money if that happens?""

How much will my ticket be? I'm a little nervous to see since he gave me 4 months to pay it..?

I got in a wreck about 2 weeks ago. I wasn't at fault but because I had no insurance I got my car taken anyway. It's out of impound now, they didn't hold my tags, and I now have insurance and a nice size scratch/dent going from my front fender to my back door. So now all that's left is the ticket that he gave me for driving a vehicle with no insurance. How much will the ticket cost? And does it cost more because the vehicle was in an accident?""

Fair price for my car insurance?

Got my car insurance bill. I'm on a family plan with my mom and my sister. We did it because we were told it would save money. I'm in my late 20's, drive an older car(a '97), have never had a traffic ticket or accident, and have the basic coverage with a $500 deductible. Just the basics. It's $350 for 6 months. It went up from the last time I paid it. First, is that a decent price? Second, why does the insurance go up if I didn't get a ticket or accident?""

Good health insurance?

I am a 29 year old male, i don't smoke or have any health problems. I am looking for good health insurance that doesn't have a high monthly cost. any recommendations of what to stay away from or some good ones would be much appreciated. Thanks. :)""

I am planning to buy an insurance plan. What is this long term care insurance?

I am planning to buy an insurance plan. What is this long term care insurance? Please suggest me some good options for long term care insurance in Texas.

Can car insurance cost more if you are a different race?

So I'm watching a judge show right now and the guy was like I didn't put the insurance in my name because I'm a black male, so it would be more. I put it in her name because she is a black female. What does race have to do with anything in the statement? Is it true that insurance is more if you are a different race?""

How much should insurance from state farm be?

im 17 and i just got my license 2 months ago. my mom was trying to get me on her insurance, not my own. state farm said that its 2000 a year but i had drivers ed so thats lowers it to 1600. shouldnt it be lower though? shouldnt it only be 1600 if i was getting my own insurance. my mom is only adding me as a driver.""

How much would insurance cost for me if I have a Classic Camaro and I am a 16 year old male with State Farm?

I am thinking about getting a classic car. Probably a Camaro (year 1990 and lower). I have State Farm, and I am a 16 year old male. Anyone have a clue about how much insurance would cost? Thank you.""

What is The Cheapest Auto insurance?

I want to find out how much auto insurance would cost. Im 16 and I just got my license. If i do get a car it would probably be an old car from around the 1990's and it would have a lot of mileage. Im looking for the cheapest answer possible. Please don't answer by saying that it depends on something or a website to look it up on.

What's the best company to get individual health insurance? What organizations offer group health plan?

I am talking about health insurance that covers doctors, prescriptions, and hospital expenses.""

How much is approx. insurance costs for a 125cc road bike with 23 years L driver. Can any one plz ans me?

How to find insurance companies for joint ventures?

How to find Insurance companies wanting to do a joint venture of a $100 million and up. not insurance brokers

Could this be health insurance fraud?

Hi, I over heard someone that I know talking to their Significant other, and one implied to the other that the guy I know is letting his mother use his health insurance for something, I'm not sure what. What could someone be doing, across state lines with their son's health insurance? Should I report this? Who would I report it to? I could probably figure out what insurance company it is. Thanks for any input.""

Car insurance for a non working vehicle?

My car needed a major repair last fall. I work from home and have been trying to pay off student loans so I decided to do without a car for 6 months since I live in a convenient location- I just received my tax return and can afford the major repair. I stopped my car insurance while I wasn't driving since it was $125/mo and I now need to start it back up. I am switching companies since I really didn't like mine- I just got to the questions about insurance lapse does this apply to me since my car wasn't working? I haven't returned my form yet. I hope I didn't screw this up, a friend just told me I should have possibly kept a storage coverage that my rates might skyrocket. It's an older car with no loan attached. I live in MN, perfect driving record, was with the same company for 25 years and had never missed a payment. If it is considered a lapse is there a way to get around it legally like giving/selling my car to my boyfriend and then listing me as a driver so I can use it when needed? We don't live together but he did most of the driving when we did use it- it's not worth much, maybe a few thousand dollars at most- maybe I'd be better off selling my car and getting a new (used) one so I don't have to explain a gap? Thanks.""

""Best health insurance, help ?""

I know nothing about insurance, share your experience with your search for health insurance. In your opinion, what's the best one ? Thanks in advance, Daniel :)""

Car inspection in a different state?

I need to renew the registration for my vehicle. I recently moved to a different state (NC to CA) but haven't changed my insurance or anything because I am under my parents coverage. Can I take the inspection in california and do the renewal online? I guess I don't have a choice of doing the inspection but would like to know if I can do it online or would I have to mail the inspection?

""I got a dui and i was told i need an sr-22, im already covered by geico insurance....?

ok im already covered but i want to know how much extra it will be a month having this sr-22 .. i know age a car varys ... im 19 but i do not know what car i would have yet but i juat want to know about how much so i can be prepared.

What Health insurance would anyone reccommend?..?

my husband and I are trying to buy health insurance. we want something affordable. What good health insurance would anyone recommend.

How much is enterprise car insurance?

Planning on renting a car from the 25th to the 29th

Why is motorcycle insurance so expensive?

I figure that if I finance a new motorcycle, I will have to get collision. So I go and get a quote from Progressive on an Aprilia SL 750. Just liability = ~70$ a month. Liability Comprehensive Collision = ~$650 a month. $650 a month = the cost of the bike in one year. 18 year old male with one prior minor moving violation""

What options of affordable health insurance a couple in the mid 30's have in Texas.?

Why do people with bad credit have to pay more for car insurance?

I think insurance rates should be based on driving record. I know someone will say because of stastics I don't buy it, I think it is discrimination.""

Pregnancy insurance?

How much does pregnancy insurance cost for a young couple? I'm not pregnant yet, and we're both healthy. Just want to play it safe... :p Thanks so much everyone! :)""

Will Fred loyas liability auto insurance policy cover a person driving your car if they have any or all of the?

My romate is from out of state so she doesnt have a texas drivers licensae! She has a out of state license but it may be expired - I have liability insurance in texas from fred loya insurance-Will any of these factors keep her from being covered while she is driving my car?

Can your car insurance company penalize you if...?

Can your car insurance company penalize you if you report an incident but decide not to file a claim?

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/waht-know-automoble-insurance-quote-your-credit-noah-bailey/"

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jimsjy-blog · 6 years

Text

For whoever still trying to dig about me and my life, here’s a good catch for you. This not gonna be here forever so be quick.

Recently, I had a bad week. When I said bad, It was really bad. I had a rough argument with my groupmates for one of the assignments that I had to present. I had a bad fight with my girlfriend that leads to our breakup. I also had a bad day where my laptop decided to fuck me up where I lost my 4 years of data that full with my works, pictures of my loved ones and (me), videos, important and confidential documents that I don’t even know where I can retrieve it. Also, news flash, dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer possibility. Well that explains why he threw up so much the last time I went back, he lost his appetite & he can’t sleep well. Now tell me, how do I deal with this kind of fucked up week. How can I set myself to keep thinking straight. How can I not be so emotional about everything when I really need someone to hold me, pat me and guide me on dark days like these… Anyway, I’m gonna go through of these one by one so keep on reading.

It was last Sunday where my friends and I were supposed to finish our project or so-called prop for our presentation. Note that, since the beginning, we had a few disagreement regarding our topic but since this Indian guy is so excited to proceed with his culture and we all just gave in. He promised me to come to my room on Saturday at first but as usual, he fucked that up with some weak excuses like ‘I’m having class’, 'I’m doing my works’. First of all, you’re here in this university is to learn and to finish your studies. You working part-time is not my fucking problem and you shouldn’t involve me or make a deal if you know you can’t make it. I always have this problem where I really can’t take it when people made a promise but they fucked it up. Meanwhile, on Sunday, he eventually came and we tried our best to finish that ugly prop. Well, it didn’t go as we planned but it’s better than nothing right. Before that I went for a quick meet up where I was late and got scold :) Again, it was a useless meeting since the girls don’t even wanna help in completing our project but at the same time they demanding so much from us to complete it asap. How fuckery is that? They came up with so much idea to talk during presentation where personally I think that it’s so lame and not a good way to execute that kind of presentation 😞

Moving on, I had a fight with my girlfriend. Fought with her since last week. We had a continuous fight since last week until I exploded to her during our fight. I’ve failed to control my anger and I lost my fight against my own wrath. I don’t blame her for everything but what I could say is she added the fuel to the fire. I said so many bad and harsh words to her without even taking it into consideration that she is indeed a soft person. I even went the extra mile where I didn’t let her come to my presentation since I was so emotional and took it to the heart of her joke where she said our project is ‘ugly’. Only after 2 days of not contacting each other, I realized that she may be just joking around like we both always do. But during that time, I cannot think straight and or had a thought to let it slide since it felt like someone just poured salt in my wound. I yelled at her even though I know she couldn’t take it, I asked her to stop crying even I know she’s not capable of controlling it. My anger took a total control of me that night. I asked her to do things that she can’t because she was sobbing so hard. I was heartless, I was ruthless, I was evil. The last time I was like that was back when I had a fight with my ex-partner. I tried my best since the beginning of our relationship to control and be kind with her because I know she’s not like my old relationship but this week, I’ve failed amazingly. And yesterday’s night, I don’t know how our small talks turned into our break up. It was during my late dinner, I was outside. The funny part is, we did it through texting and I feel like it was so immature to do that. I can’t call her to talk about it and just because I feel challenged, I keep on replying her until she asked me if I’m in or not. I lost control once again and I blamed my ego for that. The thing about her is, she is not someone who can back out easily when we are in the midst of an argument. So, that kinda a challenge to me and I will never let it slide even though I try because I feel like she stepping over my head. This is one of the many things that I should consider (to fix myself). It has been two days since I last talked to her and truth to be told, I do miss her, a lot. There is so much that I want to say and tell her. I love her and there’s always a reason why everytime I talk or ask for something. For every time I advise her about something is because I cared for her. But she doesn’t seem to know why I did it. For every time I talk about aurah, her looks, her makeup, her outfit, her attitude, etc. There’s just one reason and that is because I love her and I care for her and I want the best of her and I want her to change to become a better person each day and blossom together. But, when I did that, I feel like she misunderstood my intention. I’m not trying to find and critic her flaws, I’m here for all the good reasons. I always prayed to Him that please soften her heart and I believe that time will eventually come.

3 days ago, I was hit with another bad luck. My laptop decided to break down in the middle of week 10 of my university. Officially, I’ve lost all my important files and I’m going to repeat it all over again. I lost my pictures that I saved from my Semester 1 Diploma, I lost all my assignments and works, I lost all of my documents. I would be lying if I said I’m not sad about it. All my hard works, gone in a split second. I tried all the possible way to recover my data but I’ve failed (so far). I even went to all the shops around Bangi before I decided to ride in a rainy night to Lowyat in KL and back to my college at 5 in the morning. The saddest part is that I have to redo all my works, videos, research and among other things. The recent saved files in my emails are not the the ones that I had in my hard disk. I only have around 2-3 weeks to cover all that. Well, that’s kinda tough and heavy isn’t it. People are not going to understand the hardship that I’m dealing with and the only thing they can come up with is ‘its nothing, you can do it again, you still have time.’ Try to be in my shoes gentlemen… The last thing I have to opt out is to spend around RM400-RM600 to recover my data which I don’t think I can afford that amount of money.

Last but not least, life decided to drop a shocking news to me and my family. I believe in ‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear’ and I have to suck it up and live with that. A few nights ago, Mom rang my phone and told me that she just got home from the hospital at 1AM. She told me that my dad has been diagnosed with a prostate cancer possibility. We are yet to know the truth, It could be an early stage of cancer, it could be a normal disease for old folks. This is where I lost all of me. I don’t know how to react, I was speechless. All of sudden, I got the flashbacks with how I cried so hard while I took care of him when he had an accident. I bathed him, I changed his clothes, I did all the unpleasant things since I was the only one available (my brothers are all working and I can’t let my mom sleep in the hospital). He was so vulnerable back then and now I can’t even imagine if he has cancer cells in his body. I don’t even know with whom I should talk about this. People around here know nothing about me or my family and I prefer it that way. At the same time, I’m not talking with my girlfriend and I had to deal with my lost documents and assignments. Honestly, I lost all of my positive energy in me and maybe that is the reason why I was so rough these days but I keep on trying to pretend to everyone that I am okay. When you have so much on your plate, you tend to act aggressively and you only think about yourself. Well, that’s me since last Sunday. With this nonstop hardship that I’m going through, I’ve failed every single one of it and I don’t have anyone to share it. It’s a good thing that I let this thing off my chest by writing. I pray that there’s a good news or hikmah behind all this waiting for me after I’m done with all these challenges.

Oh Allah, if this is your hint to ask me to return to You, I would gladly to do so. I’ve been in so much comfort with Dunya these days till I left Quran unattended for months, the last time I went for Jemaah prayer was back in Ramadhan. This is the moment where I reevaluate my relationship with Allah. I know there’s only one place to return and cry when you don’t have anyone else to do so. For once, I really hope I can turn back time and let me sort these things one by one and by doing that I can also save my relationship, both with my Creator and my lover.

I don’t always ask much but when I do, please pray for me so that I can get out from this misery. I'm sorry for anyone that I've pushed, I’m sorry to anyone that I’ve hurt just because I cannot divide my focus between my problem and people around me. Till then, goodbye.

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