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fandommemequeen · 1 year

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my 2022.

alright gamerz itz that time of year again 4 Gamerz Yearly Retrospective!!!

so uhh im not gonna sugarcoat it: this year rlly sucked. a lot of stuff went down this year that id rather not go into detail abt here, but its been rough and unfair and sometimes i felt like it was never gonna get better. add onto that skool being mega rough, facing tons of imposter syndrome over my identity, anxiety, World Events, and fricktons of executive dysfunction, and youve got urself a total recipe for disaster.

but amidst all the doom and gloom.. i had better days. i played videogames and arcade games, i hugged the stuffing out of plushies, i anticipated release dates for new videogames, i got my hands on the g3 monster high dolls and relieved my childhood, i still luv siivagunner and wii deleted you and invader zim and deltarune, i got into just shapes & beats, i discovered the tourney community through mashup week: megamix and made some amazing friends, i got into creepypasta and yfm and osu and taiko no tatsujin and arcane and tmk, i got kirby and the forgotten land and splatoon 3 both on launch day and have had SO MUCH FUN with both of them, i luved watching ghost files and puppet history s5 after school and catching new toh and g3 monster high episodes,,

ive also acomplished some milestones too. first time getting an award for one of my cosplays, coming out as arospec [and proceeding to fall in platonic luv with my irl bestie xd], getting a compression top/binder, getting the awesome short emo hair i wanted for months, first time cosplaying at a convention, getting diagnosed with adhd and finally confirming what i had suspected for so long but never outright said due to self-doubt and fear of faking, starting medication, being in counseling/art therapy, trying sodas and monster energy and starbucks frappucchinos with no coffee, and learning to luv being "cringe".

but overall the best thing i did to make it through 2022 was,, just being me. i wrote. i drew. i roleplayed. i cosplayed. i scrolled through social media and chatted with friends far away from me. i read and wrote fanfics. i crafted. i brainstormed. i coded. i listened to music and cranked the volume on my gamer headset with cat ears. i was so very Not Normal about fictional characters. i made new friends and still kept up with old ones. i revisited old fandoms. i vibed in the front yard while listening to music. i checked the mail pretty much every day, secretly hoping one of my pieces of fandom merch would be there. i supported my family through the hard times, and they always supported me. i imagined scenarios and animatics and animation memes while listening to music. i listened to fandom lofi while trudging through overdue assignments. i rocked out to skrillex and monstercat and camellia playing beat saber at 8 in the morning for my virtual p.e. class last year. i learned the absolute beauty of platonic love. i started making unironic mary sues just for the heck of it. i felt so many emotions. i cried of happiness and of sadness. i hugged. i made vent art on my phone. i had complicated feelings. i felt like a faker at times. i was [and still am] learning to overcome climate doomism and death anxiety. i was weird, i was imperfect, i was cringe... but i was so cool for embracing my weirdness, my imperfection, and my cringiness, and i wouldnt have it any other way.

i know i can survive whatever life throws at me. ive got my friends and family by my side, and just being me in the face of.. well, everything, is the strongest thing i can do. im tired of lying down and just taking it. im tired of feeling hopeless. i will fight. i will persist. i will find ways to cope with anxiety and executive dysfunction. and above all, i will continue to love. i will love my family and friends who always have my back, i will love my interests and hobbies, no matter how weird they may seem to others, and i WILL learn to love myself.

after my 2019 retrospective post, i always hesitated a bit to look to the new year with confidence and resilience and hope, in fear of my hopes being crushed and being miserable. now i see that no matter what, lifez gonna be hard sometimes, but i am strong and i will NOT BACK DOWN.

so, for the first time in years, ill say it again. and i rlly, TRULY mean it when i say this:

BRING IT ON, 2023. this scenekid and tourney-obsessed geek can and WILL handle WHATEVER U THROW AT ME!!

#long post #yearly retrospective

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luxuriant-starlight · 7 years

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I Won’t Say I’m In Love - Ch. 4

What’s this?? A new chapter?? Three days later??!?!?!?!

Unheard of!

But not really! Ya gurl has had hella time on her hands, so I’ve managed to crank out another chapter in less than a week! Hope y’all enjoy!

Note that the characters in this story are aged up (they’re 18), and do consume alcohol in this chapter, so be wary of that!

As always, the inspiration for this fic is from an animatic by the lovely @pepper-bottom, who y’all should definitely check out!

Thanks for reading, lovelies <3

Words in this Chapter: 1.9k

[AO3] // [FFN]

Chapter 4 - Mari and Alya Are Lobsters

Marinette was just. A mess that morning. To be entirely fuckin’ frank.

But, then again- what would you expect from a girl who had literally just been rejected by the man she had very much considered to be her potential soulmate for almost the entirety of her teenage life.

Ugh. She didn’t even want to flashback to that.

The way he looked so… so sorry. Like he pitied her.

She just felt so devastated. So heartbroken.

So… humiliated.

Marinette had cried herself to sleep every night this week. How could she have been so stupid? Of course there was someone else. Of course there was.

And yet, through all her anguish…

She couldn’t stop thinking about last night.

Chat Noir had come to visit her. He really was sweet, for an alley cat.

He’d seen her crying into her tea on the railing. She was blasting Kelly Clarkson (obviously- what else does one play after they’ve been rejected?) and replaying that awful moment Adrien turned her down over and over again.

But he came to comfort her. Of all the things he could’ve spent that night doing, he went out of his way to cheer her up even after-

Well, even after she had shattered his heart.

Not that Marinette did, of course. It was Ladybug who had rejected him.

But still. She’s seen the sadness in his eyes since the day it happened. She knew she hurt him. She knew the last thing that kitty needed was more heartbreak.

And yet, he took it all on, just to make her feel better.

That sounds so stupid, now. But the gesture really touched her.

And, you know, maybe it was her tender, weakened heart. Maybe it was her exhaustion. Maybe it was dehydration from all the crying. Maybe it was just the way his eyes shone in the moonlight.

Whatever it was, her broken heart felt warmer. Her cheeks did, too.

She had flirted with him.

And yeah, obviously, she has flirted with him before. But it was always casual. It never meant anything. She had never felt anything. Maybe she would have if not for her love for Adrien…

But that was over with, now. There was nothing and no one holding her back.

Chat Noir was present in her life and loved her (err...well, he loved her superhero persona, at least). He had smiled and stumbled over his words and blushed in a way she had never seen before last night. And when he leaned in, she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little tempted to-

Okay, woah. What is going on with you??? He’s one of your best friends, and your partner. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. You just got your heart broken.

Okay. Maybe her conscience was right. It doesn’t make sense to let yourself fall for someone else before you’ve even let the dust settle on the person you loved before.

She was just vulnerable. She had a moment of weakness. That was all.

Exactly. Don’t get your hopes up.

No matter how nicely he’s filled in that suit over that past few years, or how much he seemed to want it, too. Or how strong his jaw is or tight that leather is or-

“Mari, are you even listening?” Alya demanded, jarring Marinette out of her deep train of thought.

“Oh- uh- sorry, what?”

Marinette had totally spaced out. She was walking home from school with Alya, who was telling her about the new camera she’d been wanting and finally bought, and she’d been totally ignoring her. Yikes.

“Were you thinking about him again?” Alya asked, softening her tone.

“Him- no- uh- what makes you think I was thinking about him, haha?” Marinette stumbled, laughing nervously.

“Because I’m your best friend, and your face has Adrien written all over it.” She explained with a chuckle.

Oh. Right. Adrien.

“Yeah. I was. I’m really sorry.” Marinette apologized.

“Don’t be. Listen- I know it’s been super hard for you. I know your emotions have been all over the place-”

“Super all over the place.” Marinette agreed.

“-Which is whyyy I declare we have an emergency girls’ night, tonight.” Alya finished, singsonging.

Marinette blinked. “An emergency girls’ night?”

“Yup.” Alya popped the ‘p’ in the word so as to emphasize.

Marinette shifted, uncomfortably. “I don’t know, Al. I’m not really feeling it, tonight.”

“Oh come on, Marinette.”

“I don’t know.”

“Listen. I think you- well, every woman on this Earth, but especially you at the moment- need a break from men and their nonsense. You have been hurting for way too long.”

“It’s only been like, a week.”

“Exactly. Come on, Mari. Let’s get lit together in a sacred act of solidarity and sisterhood. In the name of feminism! Let’s get fucked up!” Alya declared, yelling out loud as they walked, so as some people around them turned to look at them.

Marinette snorted and bust out laughing for the first time in what felt like centuries. “Okay, okay. Let’s get ‘lit.’”

“That’s my girl! Onward!”

Alya led her towards the bakery, marching like a bandleader in a parade. Marinette’s heart warmed. She really had a pretty gosh darn amazing best friend.

----------

One change of clothes, one march towards Alya’s place, three hours, and two bottles of rosé later, they were, indeed, thoroughly “lit.”

Marinette was sitting up on Alya’s bed, girly drink in hand, as Alya stood up and exaggerated her story.

“-And, I swear to God, Nino can no longer even LOOK at a pineapple without sweating.”

They both burst out laughing, hard- that is, until Alya tripped and fell on the bed next to Marinette, and they laughed harder.

As their laughter turned to giggles, and then to contented sighs, for a second, Alya and Marinette just looked at each other. Alya shifted on her stomach and propped her head up to make herself more comfortable.

Marinette sighed happily, overcome with love, caressing Alya’s cheek. This girl was really there for her. Mari had been so stressed and overwhelmed with heartbreak this whole week- yet Alya knew just what to do. And now, three hours later, it’s like she’s almost completely forgotten what she was even upset about.

Marinette felt tears come to her eyes.

“Alya.” She held back a sob, grasping her best friend’s hand and pulling it close to her. “You’re my very best friend. Did you know that?”

“Mari…” Alya bit back a sob, too, tears coming to her eyes as well. “Girl, stop, before I cry.”

“No, I can’t stop. I love you, Al. You’re always there for me. You always help me out- even when I’m a angsty mess. You taught me how to highlight and contour. There’s no love like the love I-” Marinette’s drunken love confession was interrupted by a hiccup. “-have for you. I love you, Al. So, so much. More than Project Runway. You’re my fuckin’ lobster, man.”

“Marinette, oh my godddd…” Alya sobbed for real this time, sitting up and pulling Marinette into her warm embrace. “You’re MY lobster. You’re too good. Too precious for this world. I love you so much, my cinnamon roll. I love you forever.”

Marinette’s heart warmed, and she felt butterflies in her stomach. She sniffled, then sobbed.

“I love you forever!”

They both sobbed in each other’s arms, holding each other tight, until the crying finally subsisted.

“Okay, okay.” Alya sniffled, sighing and looking Marinette in the eye. “Now that we’ve confessed our love, I- I have to confess something about me. Something SO crazy. Like, if you find out, you’ll like. Supernova.”

Marinette giggled. “I’ll supernova?”

“It’s like a crazy galactic explosion. It’ll get ya.”

“Okay. I’ll try not to supernova. But tell me what it is!”

“Okay, okay. Here goes.” Alya breathed in, hyping herself up. “Remember Max’s 15th birthday party?”

“When we played laser tag?”

“Yeah. And you remember how me and Alix and Juleka and all those guys were on the team opposite of you and Nino and Adrien and whatever?”

“Yeah! Team Awesome versus Team Spectacular.”

Alya chuckled, but then took another deep breath. “And you remember how the last two people left on my team were me and Alix? And we were off for like a good half hour on a ‘stake-out’?”

“Yeah?”

“We weren’t on a stake-out. We were totally making out.”

“WHAT?” Marinette gasped, pretending to almost fall off the bed.

They both laughed hysterically.

“I can’t believe you kissed Alix! Dude! That was like- like-” Marinette stumbled, being slightly more drunk than Alya. “Like the fuckin’ WEEK before she went on her first date with Kim!”

“I know! It was like a totally spur of the moment thing. But…” Alya blushed, looking away. “To be entirely honest, even though I have Nino, now, I’ve kind of had a thing for Alix ever since she spitballed Kim in the eye when we were like 13. I don’t really feel that way anymore, but I did and I acted on impulse and we’ve literally never talked about it since but I’ve thought about it so much.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Marinette asked, her eyebrows knitting together.

“I don’t know.” Alya admitted. “Honestly, I’ve never told anyone. I was sort of gonna ask her out, but then Kim beat me to it and I didn’t really wanna bum anyone out or anything.”

“Alya..” Marinette was touched. Alya had been holding back this big secret for so long, and now she told her just because she wanted to better their friendship and break all the obstacles between them.

Maybe it was the rosé talking, but Marinette felt awfully compelled to tell her a secret, too.

“Alya..” Marinette bit her lip, trying to sober up as much as she could (which, tbh, was not much at all). “I have a big secret to tell you, too.”

“What is it, Mari? You can tell me anything.” Alya assured her, putting her hand on hers. Alya was such a good friend. She had to tell her.

Marinette downed another glass in a milisecond, before taking a deep breath.

“Alya.” Marinette said, seriously. “I’m Ladyboog.”

Alya stared at her for a moment, before bursting out laughing.

“L-Ladyboog? Hahahaha, oh my god.” Alya wiped a tear from her eye. “That’s so fucking funny, Mari. Maybe you’ve had enough to drink for one night.”

As Alya cut her off, Marinette whined, and stood up on the bed, pouting and crossing her arms.

“No, Alya! I’m serious!” Mari huffed. Why wouldn’t Alya listen? “I’m Ladyboog!”

Alya laughed again, letting it fade into a satisfied chuckle. “Okay, Ladyboog- prove it.”

Marinette narrowed her eyes at her smirking best friend. Fine. She wouldn’t take her word for it? Then Mari would just have to prove it.

“Okay, then.” Marinette declared, placing one hand on her hip and the other pointing up towards the air. “Tikki! Spots on!”

“Wait, wha-”

Alya didn’t have time to finish that sentence, because all of a sudden Marinette, her best friend and almost-sister was transforming before her eyes into the very superhero she had been investigating since the day they’d met: Ladybug.

Marinette heard Tikki’s faint cries of disapproval in the back of her mind before she could process what she had just done. She had just drunkenly transformed in front of, and revealed her identity to Alya.

Alya’s wine glass slipped from her hand and fell to the floor, shattering. Marinette tried to open her mouth and explain herself but couldn’t. The only thing she could say now was-

“Oh, fuck.”

#miraculous ladybug #love square #alya cesaire #alya #marinette #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #identity reveal #marichat #adrienette #ladynoir #ladrien #chat noir #adrien agreste #ml fic #ml #my fics

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