Reasons to be happy today:
Damian isn’t allowed to antagonize reporters, at least not openly. Reporters ask questions, and, well, there’s a lot they could find if they looked too closely. Damian has strict instructions about the image he should present to the press: polite, introspective child who is Not At All Suspicious
But obviously, he’s found a workaround
Damian really only encounters reporters inside the manor itself, where he’s likely to be accompanied by assorted pets. They ask the standard questions: what do you want to be when you grow up? Do you get along with your brothers and sisters? Oh, so I guess you like animals?
Yes, Damian likes animals. He also likes it when reporters leave him alone, so he answers in the affirmative and invites the offending party to meet his pets, starting with the most common animals.
Some immediately abandon ship. They were just making smalltalk, so oh no, sweetie, I’m afraid I’ll have to meet your cat another time! But it was so nice to meet you!
The ones interested in Damian himself meet his cat, and his dog, and sometimes his cow (but not his giant bat-monster, who cannot be seen by anyone), but that isn’t the end of the list.
You see, not all of Damian’s pets are either pets or his. Some of them are animals that happen to live on the manor grounds: ducks, songbirds, deer, squirrels, and other more interesting animals. Damian keeps an eye on them. He likes to observe them in their natural habitats.
So stubborn members of the press are invited to see the colony of hissing cockroaches, the huge spider in the pantry, or the giant garden slugs.
“Do you like animals?” “Sure! Except for snakes. I don’t care for snakes” “I found three king snakes by the pond yesterday. Want to see?”
That tends to clear them out
The tactic has failed only once, on a photographer from the Gotham Times, formerly of National Geographic. That guy visited every animal, took pictures of all of them, and mailed Damian a personalized animal calendar. Damian has deemed him “acceptable company”
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