#i love glaring kaz but i want him to smile ;;;;

[heliads]

'homesick, but not for home' - kaz brekker

Based on this request: "y/n finally gets to visit their home country after years away in ketterdam with the crows. a sweet little slice of life with kaz finally getting to be kaz rietveld"

masterlist

merry christmas everyone! my present to you is kaz

Receiving a summons from Kaz Brekker usually means one of two things:  either you are about to be murdered, or he is going to ask you to do something before he murders you. Usually, that task involves the distribution of funds from your ledgers to his. However, as one of the bare few who has the privilege of making it to his inner circle, you would wager that there’s a third possible outcome from hearing from him:  he still wants you to do something, but you’ll be killing someone else.

Nonetheless, judging by the expression of the courier who tells you that Kaz is expecting you in his office, even being spared an imminent death doesn’t mean that this meeting will go pleasantly. Dirtyhands has a reputation around here, one just as dark and choking as those black gloves he so loves to wear. No one here knows Kaz as anything more than a shadow of a man, a killer, a convict. To learn that he wishes to speak to you is akin to hearing that Death itself is knocking on your door.

You, however, just smile and turn your feet towards the stairs leading to Kaz’s office instead. The Slat, home of the Dregs, is a rickety ramshackle of a building. Kaz has been doing his part to fix it up as he can, but the floorboards are still masterfully creaky and the oil lamps flicker ominously from their resting places beside each looming door. The stairwell is worst of all, a towering, beckoning talon that delivers you to your fate at the very top. 

Sometimes, you swear Kaz put his office on the top floor just because it would give his victims more time to contemplate their quickly approaching demise when they had to climb all the way up. Other days, you just assume that he was sick of the noise and wanted to find a place where nobody would bother him unless absolutely necessary. Knowing Kaz, both rationales are probably sound.

You knock once on the door to his office and, upon hearing your name called to come in, twist the doorknob and let yourself inside. Gathered in a loose semicircle on the few available pieces of furniture as well as leaning against the wall are Inej, Jesper, Wylan, Matthias, and Nina. Kaz sits, as usual, ramrod straight in a chair behind his desk, and gestures for you to take the final open seat.

“Looks like everyone’s here,” you note. “Should I be worried about missing anything?”

“Not in the slightest,” Jesper chirps. “Only that Kaz has been saving that chair for you this whole time. He keeps glaring at us whenever we so much as look towards it.”

Jesper looks as if he’d like to gossip about this a little more, but Wylan digs a sharp elbow into his side, causing the other boy to complain heartily. 

You just grin, sliding into your seat. “Good. I deserve luxury. I was never made to sit on the ground.”

Kaz coughs pointedly to disguise what you’re sure is a smile. “Now that we’re all in attendance, we can get started. I’ve heard news of a prospective business deal happening off the coast of the Southern Colonies. Expensive materials are being exchanged. Jewelry, artwork, the like. It’s all being conducted by Kerch merchers, but they took everything offshore to avoid the chance of getting caught. If we swoop in the night before and take all their bargaining tools, we’ll be richer and they’ll have to cave to our demands.”

“Of course, our demands,” Nina says, nodding. “What are we demanding, again?”

Inej smiles. “For them to stop breathing down our backs, for one thing. Also, they keep trying to cut into business. They needed this deal for an alliance between some of the wealthier merchers, but if each party thinks the other stole their riches before the swap, they’ll be so busy with infighting that they won’t bother us for some time.”

Kaz inclines his head gravely. “Precisely.”

Inej taps her fingers silently against her leg. “My question is when we’re going to stage the attack. We can attempt to hijack the ships before they leave the harbor, but I have no doubt that they’ll be crawling with stadwatch.”

“That’s why we’ll be sailing along with them,” Kaz clarifies. “The heist won’t happen until we’re on the shores of the Southern Colonies. That way, they’ll have let down their guard.”

Immediately, everyone reacts. Leaving the Barrel is an invitation for everything to go wrong. If rival gangs like the Dime Lions or the Razorgulls find out that Kaz’s inner circle isn’t in town, they’ll hasten to loot the place or kill your foot soldiers before anyone gets back.

“We have to leave the country?” Inej asks doubtfully. “That’s a tremendous risk.”

Kaz’s expression doesn’t shift a second, but you can still sense him tensing somehow, all too aware of the extra burden on his staff to maintain decorum and avoid attracting threats from his many enemies. “Think of it as a vacation. You’ll be able to get out of the city and go somewhere nice. Maybe even get some seaside air.”

Jesper snorts. “Kaz, your idea of a vacation is locking the door of your office and not running your numbers for five minutes. I didn’t think seaside air existed in your vocabulary except as a potential source of weakness.”

Kaz frowns. “Of course seaside air exists in my vocabulary. How else would I know to say it?”

Jesper rolls his eyes and looks as if he’d like to counter that with an equally terrible argument, but you cut him off. “I’d like to go,” you say suddenly.

All eyes turn to you. “Why?” Wylan asks.

A faint smile plays upon your lips. It’s easier to look at the ground than face all of their inquisitive stares, so you do just that. “I’m from the Southern Colonies. Used to be, at least. I’d always planned on going back at some point, but never got the chance until now.”

Truth be told, you were assuming that you would never get that chance. Your parents moved your whole family down to Ketterdam when you were about ten years old, drawn by the call of a quick profit. They were able to eke out a few tentative years, but the city swallowed them like it does everyone else. It’s just you now, you and the Crows and the dream that at one point, you might be able to revisit the place you once called home.

Even connecting ‘home’ and the Southern Colonies in the same sentence seems like something out of a dream. You’ve lived in Kerch for so long now that you can hardly imagine being anywhere else. The Crows are your family, the Barrel your home. It’s a strange life, certainly, but it’s yours.

Kaz’s face closes down. “I’ll go with you. Inej, you and the rest will maintain the Crow Club and its affiliates until we return. I don’t want to risk all of us on one endeavor.”

Matthias arches a brow. “You are willing to brave the risk of splitting up, though?”

Kaz turns a bemused expression his way. “Are you worried about me, drüskelle? And here I thought we’d never see eye to eye.”

Matthias snorts. “Don’t go that far, demjin.”

“I won’t if you won’t,” Kaz muses. “The plan is set, then. We’ll have three weeks to plan, and then Y/N and I will set off.”

He allows the rest of the Crows to leave, but gestures for you to stay. You pull your chair closer to his desk, sensing that the discussion will shift into more details of the mission at hand.

Once the last of your friends have gone, Kaz turns his gaze to you. His eyes seem to stare straight through your skull, and you get the strange feeling that he could read every thought created inside your mind if he just bothered to listen a little closer. 

“You said you were born in the Southern Colonies. I need to be certain that there will be no distractions for a job like this. Can you swear to me that you’ll be focused?” He asks you.

“It won’t be an issue,” you assure him. “I’ll see the countryside and then move on. Honest.”

“Well, I should hope you won’t be completely honest,” Kaz murmurs, the corners of his lips pricking up into a slight shade of a smile. “We are still robbing people, of course.”

“Of course,” you laugh. His eyes jerk up when you do, his gaze hungry for the sight of it.

And– see, this is where you start to get into trouble. You are a criminal, a member of a gang. Every day is a fight. You know that survival is the thing that matters most in the Barrel, survival and how much money you can make off of delaying your last breath. You need to have single-minded focus totally centered around how you are going to make it through each day, but instead, your brain has started drifting to unreasonable topics like the precise shade of Kaz’s eyes or all the techniques he uses to hide his smiles.

It won’t serve you well, this feeling like a slow burn in your chest. Kaz would be the very first to tell you that weakness will only get you killed. People are a weakness. Is Kaz, though? Sometimes, in vague moments in between the times when reality comes firmly back to ground you, you can almost imagine that he might feel the same way. Would he really entertain this idea if he didn’t feel something for you? Would he leave the Barrel to go all the way to the Southern Colonies with you if he could easily send Jesper or someone else?

In the end, all you can ever do is push the thoughts from your mind. The scheming and planning period has got to be your least favorite part of a heist, but unfortunately, it’s also the segment that takes the longest. Every detail has to be perfect or all involved will be caught in the act.

Eventually, though, you find yourself shipping out on a fine sea morning, headed towards the country that hasn’t been yours since you were a child. You and Kaz are pretending to be business partners, which is true enough. His cabin is next to yours. You’re fairly sure he already knows the identity of every other traveler on the ship, just in case.

Standing on the deck and watching Ketterdam retreat into a nameless speck on the dark, vast ocean, you can’t help but wonder what the Southern Colonies will bring your way. Your heart is surprisingly light in your chest at the thought of it. You have dim recollections of the rolling hills and drifting tides, although even these memories have grown hazy with time. You can’t wait to see it again.

By contrast, Kaz, standing by your side, seems far less thrilled about the whole idea. His black gloves are clenched tightly around the railing, his grip hardening whenever the ship tilts too much. You glance around to make sure no other travelers are within earshot, then ask him with a questioning glance, “Why would you make this trip if you don’t like the ocean?”

Kaz shoots you a wary look. “I’m perfectly fine with it.”

You scoff. “Nonsense. You look as if you’d like nothing more than to drain the entire True Sea and simply walk to the Southern Colonies on foot. You could have sent Inej or Jesper in your place, you know. Why’d you want to go?”

“I have to make sure the job goes smoothly,” Kaz informs you. “Business is best handled by myself.”

You arch a brow. “Lovely. Good to know that you’ll never let something pesky like sea travel stand between you and your ambitions.”

Kaz snorts. “I should hope you’d already know that. And to answer your unspoken question, you’re here too because it’s foolish to take international jobs without someone at your back just in case of trouble. I trust you to not let homesickness for the Southern Colonies get in the way. I would advise you to stick to that.”

You smile. “Goodness, Kaz, you trust me? No wonder you didn’t want anyone else with us, if the rest knew you were shelling out compliments this easily they would have teased you for years.”

In the corners of your peripheral vision, you swear you can see a matching smile slide onto Kaz’s lips, but it’s gone the second you turn to look at him. “Precisely my thinking.”

The journey takes shorter than expected, or maybe that’s just your restless thinking. In no time at all, your ship is docking at a port of the Southern Colonies, and you’re turning in a slow circle on the coast, taking in every single sight you can.

“Careful,” Kaz tells you, “You don’t want to come across as too strong of a pigeon. We don’t want to attract any new friends who anticipate stealing something off of us.”

He’s smiling, though, and you swear there’s something a little lighter in his expression than you usually see. Maybe it really is the sea air getting to him, or maybe the fact that he’s out of Ketterdam’s grimy clutches lets Kaz relax even a fraction.

Regardless, you’re happy for it. “Ridiculous,” you say, laughing slightly. “Not all the world is like the Barrel, you know. We don’t do that sort of thing in the Southern Colonies.”

“We?” Kaz asks doubtfully. “Three steps you’ve taken off the ship and you’re already a proper citizen again, are you?”

You just grin. “What, are you jealous? Scared I’ll leave the Barrel?”

He doesn’t answer, but quickly changes the topic towards finding accommodations for the night and planning out an intelligence trip near the location where the jewels are being held. Even walking through the portside town and crossing the streets feels like magic, in a way. You lived not far from here, and everything from the curve of the avenues to the bright sun in the sky feels like coming home.

As it turns out, you and Kaz aren’t the only ones affected by the easy way of life in the Colonies. The two merchers you’ve been tracking are discussing business in broad daylight, obviously not anticipating anyone to have followed them. The job will be easy, and the few days you gave yourselves for extra planning are largely useless since no more details are relevant.

Instead, you take it upon yourself to explore the surrounding countryside. You tell Kaz that he doesn’t have to accompany you every time, of course, he can stay back in the portside town if he pleases, but he still goes with you. It’s funny, the more time you spend away from the city, the more you watch the burdens slowly lift from his shoulders, the light return to his eyes.

One time, while walking through a wooded path, Kaz tells you it’s because this reminds him of his home, as well. He grew up on a farm, once, under a different last name and in a different life. He’ll never have that time of his life back again, nor, you think privately, will you have yours, but it’s still lovely to wander around here and pretend that you could.

The job goes off without a hitch. Soon enough, you find yourselves sitting pleased with jewels and artwork hidden away in your luggage, all items recovered without their owners batting so much as an eye. You’ll leave early in the morning before they can notice you. You feel a pang in your heart at the thought of leaving already, but you hadn’t realized you weren’t the only one thinking about it until Kaz visits your room at the inn late that final night.

You had known it was him at your door from the moment you heard his crisp knock against the wooden paneling. No one else moves or lives like Kaz, with so much precision. When you let him in, though, he looks more wild than you’ve ever seen him. His hair, for once, has lost its impeccable style and gone wild and unkempt. His shirt is wrinkled and rolled up to the elbows. It would still be a good look on him were it not for the fact that you’ve never seen him so little put together in the entire time you’ve known him.

Kaz doesn’t say a word until he is certain that the door is shut and bolted behind him. Then, all of a sudden, the words burst out of his throat, so beseeching that you have to wonder how in Ghezen’s name he managed to keep them from you for so long. “Don’t stay here,” he says. “Come back with me.”

You frown. “Who said I was staying? We’ve both got tickets on the ship departing next morning, Kaz.”

He waves a hand frustratedly to signal his disbelief in this statement. “Tickets don’t mean a thing. I need you to say it.”

“I did,” you frown. “Where else would I go?”

“Here,” Kaz says heatedly. “I’ve seen the way you look at the buildings, this place. You want to say here. Don’t you do it, Y/N.”

You shake your head softly. “I love it here, yes, but it’s not my home anymore than Ravka across the sea. I’m going back to the Barrel, Kaz.”

“With me,” he says uncertainly.

“With you,” you confirm. “Goodness, Kaz, did you really think I would stay? How could I do such a thing?”

“It’s very easy for people to leave,” he tells you. There’s a heaviness in his eyes that reminds you of brothers that have been buried, of farms that have long been sold to undeserving families that were not his.

“Not me,” you whisper. “Not if it was you I was leaving.”

His eyes, which have been sweeping your figure this entire time, looking for some twitch of a finger or jump of a pulse to betray you for lying, leap up to yours again. “Okay,” he says at last. “Okay.”

He leans back slightly, wavering on his heels. “I– I’ll go back to my room, then.”

Kaz doesn’t look as if he much savors the idea, and you decide to spare him from his thoughts, just in case. “You can stay here, you know.”

A soft breath is released. “That would– I could do that.”

He does. And, as your candles burn closer to the quick, as the night settles over this city, you cannot help but be glad for the time when you’ll find yourself in a different one. It has been nice to be here, but you would like to go home. And, most importantly of all, you are glad that Kaz will be there with you.

grishaverse tags: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy, @aoi-targaryen, @budugu

all tags list: @wordsarelife

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagines #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker oneshot #grishaverse #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse oneshot #kaz #kaz imagines #kaz x reader #kaz oneshot #shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagines #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone oneshot #six of crows #six of crows imagines #six of crows x reader #six of crows oneshot #grishaverse kaz #grishaverse kaz imagines #grishaverse kaz x reader #grishaverse kaz oneshot

[lookwhatyoumademedohaha]

And that kids, is how I met your mother! Chapter 1 - Until I Found You

I would never fall in love again until I found her I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into" I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her I found you

Summary: Nikolai Lantsov is a falling in love with you. But do you feel the same way about him?

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Reader, Nikolai Lantsov x Six of Crows Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader.

Warnings: Pure fluff, angst and comfort, humor, unrequited love, pining.

A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first Nikolai Lantsov fic so I hope that I did Nikolai’s character justice! I am thinking of making this a series and writing another part to this because this is not the end but the beginning! Let me know your thoughts and comments on my work because it means a lot to me! I love you all! Happy reading!

Chapter 2 - Labyrinth 

Chapter 3 - Call it what you want 

Chapter 4 - Someone to Stay

Chapter 5 - Cornelia Street 

Nikolai Lantsov did not believe in love at sight. Nikolai was raised in a gleaming palace where love didn’t have a place in his life. He was raised and believed that love was not an option for a Lantsov son and the King of Ravka whose reason for marriage should be to forge political connections and produce heirs.

But then you had stormed into his life. And the moment Nikolai had seen you, he had been absolutely enchanted by you and there was no going back. 

You had arrived into Ravkan Court a few weeks ago from Ketterdam with Nina Zenik who had come to visit Zoya and help her with training Grisha for a few months. Initially Nikolai had been informed that Nina would be arriving alone but he was pleasantly surprised when after Nina, you had stepped out of the carriage in wonder and amazement of a girl who was in a dream. Nina had introduced you to Nikolai, Zoya, David and Genya as part of the Crows in Ketterdam. 

Nikolai couldn’t help falling in love with you. He knew it was silly to fall in love with you when he didn’t even know you properly but he loved the curve of your lips when you smiled at his jokes. He loved how you held yourself with a careless elegance as if you didn’t care what anyone else thought of you. He loved how your eyes would twinkle in love for your friends as you gave warm hugs to them and the joy that shined on your face whenever you sent letters to the Crows in Ketterdam. He loved how you treated everyone from Duke to servant with respect and kindness. He loved you on the days you were silent and reserved, lost in your myriad of thoughts. He loved your fierce scowl directed at him whenever he teased you and your blazing furious glare whenever you saw anyone hurt others. He loved the mischief and amusement that shone in you as you talked with children being childlike yourself making them giggle. 

But there was a problem. 

Your heart was set on someone far away in Ketterdam. 

Nikolai had slyly poked around and investigated with a little help from Genya and Zoya whether you were single because he was aching with hope that you wouldn’t be in love with someone else. After torturing Nina who had kept her mouth shut for an impressively long time, he found out that you were in love with Kaz Brekker but he was not in love with you. You had set your hopeful heart in the hands of the Bastard of the Barrel who had used all of its love for a heist by making you play a role of his wife in a fake marriage for months. Everyone knew that you had agreed because you loved Kaz but as time passed, all the Crows thought Kaz had fallen in love with you because of different, sweet and soft - hearted, his heart in his eyes when he was around you. Nina had heard his heart for you and was certain Kaz reciprocated your feelings. 

But after the scheme, the heist was over, Kaz has pushed you away and thrown you away with a disregard for your feelings as he crushed your heart into broken glass between his bloody claws. Kaz refused to acknowledge your love for him and face his feelings for you and he stayed stubborn no matter how hard the Crows tried to persuade him. So finally Nina who had enough of seeing you miserable and broken - hearted decided to bring you to Ravka because she believed a lot of distance, good food and a nice change of scenery would cheer you up. 

A fake marriage with real feelings. Nikolai understood the feeling all too well. After all, Alina who had been engaged to him had chosen Mal but Nikolai’s heart had been crushed because he had liked Alina and wondered what was wrong with him. He never wanted anyone to feel such a pain and thinking of you suffering in silence, quietly trying to piece your broken heart pained him. He had noticed and wondered about the dark circles under your eyes, the glossy far away distant look in your eyes, the excitement fading when you finished looking through your letters you received from your friend as if there was one missing, the way you looked wistfully and sadly at lovers dancing in court and the quiet unhappiness you hid behind your forced smile when anyone mentioned Kaz Brekker. 

Now Nikolai knew why and though he considered Kaz Brekker to be a mutual friend, he had an urge to punch Brekker in the face because why couldn’t he see you were beautiful and wonderful in every way? Why did he break you heart?

Nikolai knew that the smart option would be to give up and walk away from you because there was no chance you would ever return his love. But he was a fool when it came to you. The feelings he had for Alina seemed insignificant compared to the enormity and significance of the feelings he had for you. The moment Nikolai had seen you, he felt familiarity and the feeling of coming home bloom warmly within his heart as he felt alive for the very first time. Nikolai understood every poem about soulmates in that moment as he knew you were his great and beautiful love that only came once in a lifetime and could never be replaced and forgotten. Nikolai felt his heart whisper that you were the one every time you smiled at him and felt forever surround him whenever he held a conversation with you. You were a dream, a comet in the night sky. 

And Nikolai knew that if he didn’t fight for you, fight for the love that he could have with you, he would be damned to regret and misery for the rest of his lifetime wondering what could have happened between them if he had faced his feelings and let you know that he loved you. Nikolai knew that even if you didn’t return his affections, he would never love anyone the way he loved you.

So he began trying to woo you. Nikolai complimented you, teased you endlessly receiving annoyed and amused glares from you, joked with you mischievously, asked you questions, spent his leisure time with you, found excuses to spend time with you and talked with you nervously stuttering and blushing and listening attentively to you because he was entranced by you. But in all his attempts to show you that he loved you, you would push him away with brushing off his compliments, gestures and comments with sarcastic remarks and the remarkable roll of your eyes and your guarded demeanor when you realized he was opening his heart to you. 

Nikolai remembered the first time he had complimented you flirtatiously when he had seen you in the training grounds “Y/N, you look beautiful as a field of honeysuckle blooming in a spring afternoon.”

Nikolai relished the shock and surprise flushing in your face as your eyes grew guarded “I’m not interested. Save your sweet words for some princess.”

Nikolai appreciated how straightforward you were with him despite how it cut him deep to the bone as he had retorted cheekily “You are a princess to me.”

Nikolai had seen you shake your head in exasperation and walk away when Nikolai yelled out loud “I am going to marry you one day and make you the happiest princess in the world, mark my words Y/N! You’ll be my princess madly in love with me and we’ll live happily ever after!”

Zoya who had been with Nikolai had muttered something about being subtle but Nikolai whose heart was full of you and knew that if he said he was going to marry you one day, he probably would. His attention was only on you who had frozen mid step and then turned around toward him with a completely surprised and exasperated expression “Keep dreaming, Lantsov.”’

Nikolai still was utterly entranced and enchanted by you as he grinned widely, his eyes twinkling with mischief “I got eyes only for you.”

Nikolai saw you roll your eyes sarcastically in exasperation and annoyance at him but he had seen a faint hint of a smile curve on your face as you had walked away, giving him hope. 

Genya thought Nikolai’s crush and attempts to show it were cute. Nina found this hilarious and amusing, encouraging this just to see Nikolai fail. Zoya rolled her eyes calling Nikolai a silly school boy falling over his knees pulling the pigtails of a little girl just to get your attention. 

Nikolai who was lost in his thoughts about you as he took a stroll in the grounds felt depressed and exhausted by the work and the thought of you loving someone who didn’t appreciate you. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t see you as he bumped into you and both of you fell down. 

Nikolai’s eyes widened in apology as he stuttered nervously trying to help you up “I apologize, Y/N. Are you hurt?”

“Oh, I’ve been in worse situations.” you replied cheerfully as you helped him up and looked at him with a cheerful smile that grew into a concerned expression as you observed the exhaustion written in his hazel eyes from ruling Ravka which he gave everything to. 

Nikolai froze in surprise when you hugged him gently but he felt himself relax and loosen in your arms as he felt the heavy weight of duty begin to unfold as you whispered softly “Nikolai... just let it all go.”

Nikolai dropped his head on your shoulder feeling the burden of exhaustion throughout the months he had been carrying silently begin to fade away as tears sprang into his eyes and he choked out a sob because it was hard to be the King of Ravka. It was so hard to fight each day for his people, to nod and agree and disagree with his ministers who had plenty of plans and proposals, to keep an eye out for the number of enemies he was surrounded by and to smile and keep everything together so that Ravka could stand strong and unshaken. He didn’t have time to let go and be himself until you had come along. He didn’t even know it was so lonely and painful until he was in your arms, salty tears running down his cheeks as your arms embraced him warmly and your fingers threading through his blonde hair granting him comfort and peace. 

Peace. He had not tasted it for a very long time. 

Nikolai didn’t know how long he had cried in your arms but it felt like forever when he raised his head to look into your quiet and kind eyes. 

He felt ashamed for being such a baby as he tried to move away and apologized “I am sorry. I have never wanted you to see me like this and burden you with my worries. I apologize for ruining your evening.”

“You do realize you are human?” you inquired sassily but there was utmost gentleness in it “And when are you going to realize that you are not alone? That you have friends around you who love you and want to share your burdens?”

Nikolai was taken aback in surprise at your kindness as he blinked back his tears but you took his hand in yours tentatively and gently “You’re allowed to have very bad days and cry and scream and throw a tantrum about it. You are not alone. I’m your friend, Nikolai and that means you share your burdens and worries with me and I’m going to be there for you. You don’t have to pretend around me.”

Nikolai felt a small smile curve on his face as a spark of comfort spouted in him “That means a great deal to me but I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“You worry about everyone but who worries about you? I’m going to worry about you because I want to and you can’t order me not to!” you exclaimed passionately with a fierce scowl that made Nikolai smile widely in amusement as you tossed your hair. 

“You’d get tired of it eventually. And I hate seeing your lovely smile replaced by that fierce frown.” teased Nikolai with a grin as his heart thudded with amazement at how worried you were for him and his heart fluttered as he realized you were still holding onto his hand and hadn’t let go. 

“I don’t have a fierce frown.” you retorted frowning fiercely making Nikolai huff in laughter and you shook your head at him in exasperation “And I don’t think I can ever get tired of you.”

Nikolai felt his heart flutter happily as he blushed nervously and shyly and you smiled at him softly “Honestly if anyone would get tired of a person, it would be me. People think of me as cool at first but then they sick of me eventually and want someone new around. You’ll be the same.”

Nikolai saw the sad smile you wore as you said this, the unhappiness in your eyes and felt something fierce and painful clench his heart at the thought of you believing that anyone would be tired of having you around “Tell me... tell me who made you believe that your presence, your very kind and beautiful presence would tire a soul lucky enough to be in your presence?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me. It matters to me because I hate seeing you hate yourself because people were absolute fools who couldn’t see how wonderful you are.” replied Nikolai fiercely and protectively as he held your hands tightly in his, looking earnestly at you. “The next time you think that I will get sick of you... remember that I’m Nikolai Lantsov and that I absolutely adore your friendly smile, your warm hugs, the way you wrinkle your nose and roll your eyes at me when I tease you, and the small things you say that I replay in my head after you are gone. Remember that I want to annoy you forever and I don’t say that about anyone else.”

To Nikolai’s pleasure, you giggled and blushed as you looked at him with something unreadable as you shook your head “I’ll try to believe it. But sometimes... it gets hard to believe everything you told me. It’s hard to believe that I’m someone people will love.”

“I understand how you feel. I - I know the feeling too.” said Nikolai quietly with a vulnerable expression, defenseless and unguarded as he looked at you after a long moment. “I understand how you feel but it’s not true.”

Nikolai saw your eyes widen in surprise and curiosity “But you’re Nikolai! Everybody loves you!”

Nikolai and you had sat on the grassy ground near the lake as he ran his hand through his hair wanting to hide his greatest fears and insecurities but as he stared into your gentle and quiet eyes, he found himself saying “I know... but it’s not the love I want. I don’t feel loved. I don’t believe I’m loved... I’ve never known real love... my father and mother had a marriage of duty and political arrangement. My mother suffered years of heartless neglect at the hands of my father who was too busy abusing young women. And well, my brother... I don’t think he ever cared about me even though I looked up to him when I was young.”

“And Alina... well, you know how that ended. It was a fake marriage with real feelings. I had feelings for her but her heart belonged to someone else and in the end, she chose someone else over me.” stated Nikolai softly with an air of unguarded vulnerability he had never shown anyone else because he was the King who could not afford to be weak. But sitting here on the grass with you, in your presence, he felt like the boy with fears and insecurities who had to carry on and didn’t have to pretend to be anyone as he cracked a grin “So you see... I’m not very lovable.”

Your eyes were heavy with quiet contemplation and thoughtfulness as Nikolai saw you stare at him and scoffed “You can laugh. Go on, laugh at me.”

You looked at him thoughtfully and quietly, with a protective glint in your eyes “Why would I laugh? I was just thinking about making a time machine so I can go back in time and make everyone who ever made you feel unloved and unlovable regret each moment of their pathetic lives.”

Nikolai let out a huff of laughter, as a smile appeared on his face without a thought feeling happy and taken aback in pleasant surprise “I didn’t know you cared so much about me.”

“You are loud, laugh a lot, tell silly jokes and have a heart full of hope in a world that won’t change easily. You’re exactly the kind of person I would scoff at and yet I find myself feeling quite protective over you and worrying about you.” you confided quietly and softly as your fingers twisted nervously, your beautiful eyes looking into his with something undecipherable “You’re nonsensical but I’ve grown to quite like you.”

Nikolai felt something surprising and warm rush through him, engulfing him in tidal waves as he suddenly felt conscious of being the object of your earnest and sincere gaze. He felt something that he had always strived and worked hard to be in everyone’s eyes... he felt special and extraordinary, seen and loved. This feeling felt all too consuming and yet he wanted more of it as he basked in its golden radiance and new sweetness that he was experiencing for the first time. 

“Well... coming from you, it means a great deal.” whispered Nikolai, his foolish heart blooming with hope and adoration as whispers of the feeling that perhaps you could come to care for him in time crowded him and then smiled widely “It certainly is an improvement in our relationship from the last time where you called me an annoying, idiotic, lousy pig and pushed me into the lake.”

You laughed in amusement, your cheeks flushing a bright pink as your eyes sparkled in mirth and nervousness “Saints! I - I don’t know what I was thinking! I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I was in need of a good swim.” joked Nikolai with an amused grin as he felt happy at being the person who made you laugh in joy and sparkle in happiness. 

You laughed and Nikolai swore that he would walk through hell just to hear you laugh so freely, so merrily as you shook your head at him with an apologetic look in your eyes “I - I mean, I wasn’t myself that day. I was having a really bad day and I was angry and hurt and when you said all those - when you said all those really sweet things to tease me - I just felt nothing but rage and I took it out on you. I am truly sorry.”

“You’re always forgiven.” said Nikolai softly and gently as he looked at you mindlessly picking flowers growing on the ground “Why were you angry that day? What’s your story?”

“Fake marriage with real feelings but it ended in heartbreak.” you replied with a wide grin but there was sadness and pain written all over your face “It’s not very happy.”

“Well I have all the time in the world for you, so go ahead, I’m listening.”

Nikolai smiled when you cracked a smile and watched you twist your fingers nervously and hug your knees “It’s the same story. It feels like a long time ago but I honestly thought I would never fall in love because its silly and stupid. But when I first met the enigmatic, mysterious and clever devil by the name of Kaz Brekker.”

“Just imagine it. An impressionable, young girl, new to Ketterdam and suddenly the Bastard of the Barrel drops into my life and he is clever, infamous, dangerous, kinder to me than anyone in my life has been, appreciates every little thing about me. He made me feel important and seen. Imagine what that does to a lonely girl.” you said softly and quietly, your voice trembling with sadness and heartbreak, with a trembling weak smile. 

“I fell in love with him before I even knew it. He asked me to pretend to be his wife and because I was so stupid, I agreed because I loved him. And I thought as time passed, that it wasn’t an act on his part because it felt like he genuinely loved me back too. That there could be a chance for a happy ending. But people like me never get happy endings because Kaz Brekker never loved me, I was just an investment, a means to an end to achieve his goals.” you told Nikolai with tears of pain and heartbreak glimmering and falling down your cheeks as you choked back on a sob “And I didn’t expect it to hurt this much... but my heart is broken, and everything hurts so much.”

Nikolai’s heart wrenched in despair and distress as you let out a sob of heartache and heartbreak “And I hate him! I hate him so much! But I hate myself because I let myself believe that he loved me too! Because I loved him through everything, through his worst but he never chose me me at all. Kaz was using me and I was a fool to think I could ever be loved!”

Nikolai couldn’t bear your grief any longer as he wrapped his arms around you comforting you as he let you cry into his chest, your sobs racking your body with grief and heartbreak as you held onto him for dear life. Nikolai stroked your hair gently and rubbed your back soothingly, whispering soft and comforting words of solace and truth that you were loved more because he couldn’t bear your cries of pain, anger, hate and heartbreak that had been bottled up for so long. It physically hurt him to see you so broken but he held you in his arms because he wanted to be the person to hold you up and stand by you through your darkest times. 

Nikolai gazed at your tear stained face as he gently brushed away the tears from your cheeks “Kaz Brekker is an idiot. He’s a fool not to fall in love with you.”

“Why are you crying?” you asked Nikolai in curiosity and Nikolai realized that he had been crying too. 

“I don’t know. I felt your pain, your heartbreak and if I could take it and make it all mine, I would. I hate to see you in such pain, I hate to seeing you cry even though you are really pretty when you cry.” said Nikolai confessing shyly blushing faintly as you smiled up at him in surprise and then sighed as he confessed sincerely to you who was looking at him curiously “The truth is life as the King is not easy for me. In fact, it has been hard and there are days when my pain and exhaustion threatens to sink me into the quicksand. But I guess my life is much easier and lighter when I share my burdens with you.”

You smiled through your tears as you sniffed “I’m sorry I - I’m really sorry I cried and put all of this on you. You have enough on your plate -”

“I like worrying about you.” said Nikolai immediately as his fingers brushed gently across your cheek wiping away your tears, his skin tingling at the contact with your soft skin “I want to worry about you because I like you more than anyone in this world.”

Nikolai was delighted to see the faint blush coloring your cheeks but your eyes were still full of heartbreak of sadness and pain as your voice cracked as you placed your hand on your chest “This hurts like hell... Everyone close to me in my life is in a happy relationship and now... and I thought I could have happiness and love too. But I’m beginning to think that I don’t have my happy ending”

“No! That is not true. Take it from the Lantsov Prince who has been dumped by the Sun Summoner and suffered crushed feelings... it’s not true.” replied Nikolai immediately with reassurance and honesty as he placed his hand on your shoulder gently and comfortingly and he saw you crack a small faint smile. 

“It just feels like this pain is eternal and infinite... it’s never going to end.” you replied your voice trembling with aching pain and hurt as you let out a small sob and sniffed looking at Nikolai whose face was etched with gentleness and adoration. 

“Well, that’s what I said about being shot for the first time in the war, exiling my parents and having my heart crushed by a Saint but the pain did and will end.” replied Nikolai quietly in a matter - of - fact tone that exuded simple honesty and reassurance as he looked at you sincerely with vulnerability and affection and felt shy as he saw you gaze at him curiously in concern and admiration. 

“Now... the thing is you have such bravery and strength to be vulnerable and open your heart to compassion and love. You feel your emotions deeply and even though it hurts you, it’s a good thing because so many people numb themselves on feeling and miss out on the good things in life.” said Nikolai sincerely and truthfully as he gazed at you, honesty and kindness gleaming in his hazel eyes as you held your breath listening to him. “

Nikolai’s hand dropped to your hand and tentatively sought permission to hold it and he felt electric when you tentatively and gently intertwined your fingers with his as he squeezed your hand comfortingly “You are right now nursing a broken heart but I believe you will heal, rise through the ashes and walk to the other side stronger than ever. Don’t close your heart to love and pain. The joy is worth the pain.”

You looked at him through the tears in your eyes, feeling grateful for his warm and charming presence surprised by his wisdom he hid behind the charming façade of a boy king “It just - I don’t understand. Why doesn’t Kaz love me back? What’s so wrong with me that he won’t love me back?”

“Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you! Saints, you are perfect!” exclaimed Nikolai in honesty and sincerity feeling disbelief and hurt at the thought of you thinking that you were short of perfection when you were the most beautiful, wonderful person he had ever met. 

“You’re just saying that because you are always nice to me.” you retorted sharply and sassily as you shook your head in doubt and self - loathing. “You don’t even know me.”

“You’re right... I don’t know you.” said Nikolai quietly and thoughtfully because that hurt. It hurt Nikolai deeply that you didn’t see how Nikolai saw every crook and crevice of you when no one else cared to look at the little things that made you special “I don’t pay attention to anything you do.”

“I don’t know that you love Nina like your own sister and though you argue with each other, you want her to be proud of you. I don’t know that you lend a helping hand to the servants and comfort and listen to little children who look up to you with gentleness, mischief and the sweets you steal from the kitchen. I don’t know that when someone suggests something stupid and ignorant, you roll your eyes at them and speak your mind wisely and intelligently with a rather sharp tongue.” said Nikolai knowingly and passionately with a soft and affectionate glint in his hazel eyes as he gazed at you intensely full of adoration for you as your eyes widened in surprise “I don’t know that you love dancing and music but you don’t dance unless you are asked properly. I don’t know that you pretend to scoff pretty dresses but you are secretly thrilled at wearing them. I don’t know that you like reading romance, history and crime thrillers in the library until Genya has to drag you away from the library. I don’t know that you always listen patiently to David, not out of pity but sincerely because you are curious and consider him a friend. I don’t know that you are the only one who can get Zoya to eat a decent meal and have a nap.” 

“And even though, I will say that I’m fine and try to make you leave me, you are going to walk me to my chambers and make sure I’m alright. Because that’s exactly the kind of person you are.” finished Nikolai honestly and sincerely as he gazed at you softly and gently, his heart full of love and passion only for you. 

Your eyes had widened in surprise and you were certain your jaw had dropped as you felt paralyzed in shock and amazement at being seen by Nikolai of all people. You had thought his teasing was an infatuation, a silly game he liked to play to impress every girl but as you felt him gaze at you sincerely and intensely, you felt vulnerable and seen for who you truly were and the little things you thought no one noticed. 

You threw your arms around him as you hugged him tightly because you were so scared that for the first time someone had noticed the small, ordinary, little things about you and cared to remember them. It terrified you that Nikolai cared so much about you because you didn’t feel the same about him. It was a new uncharted path that felt terrifying and yet you didn’t want to let Nikolai go. You wanted to hold onto him, hold onto the only person who terrified you with these new feelings, saw the parts of you that no one else did and made it easy to be vulnerable in a world where everyone and everything was cruelest to the weak. 

“Nikolai...” you whispered, blinking back your tears of disbelief and amazement because it felt like you had been drowning for ages and now this beautiful boy had pulled you up and you could finally breathe. 

“One day, you’ll find someone who loves you heart and soul and all this pain and tears and heartbreak will be just a memory.” whispered Nikolai as he held you tenderly as if you were the most precious, beautiful, fragile person he had the privilege of holding and you felt his silent reassuring promise that he would always be there for you. 

“Promise?”

“I solemnly swear on my life and kingdom. In fact, I’ll bet my mother’s diamond necklace on it!” said Nikolai honestly with a bright and sincere smile as he lightly touched your cheek, breathless by your beauty “You’re smart, funny, kind, sharp and the best person I know. You can declare me right, wise, smart, kind, and handsome of all men in Ravka in your speech as bride when the day comes.”

You laughed in amusement as you leaned your head on Nikolai’s shoulder unaware that he was having a fit of fluttering butterflies in his stomach as he internally screamed like a little girl and you replied with a smile “I haven’t even thought of it. My wedding. What will it be like, do you think? Will you be there?”

“Of course, love. The groom can’t miss his own ceremony, now can he? It’s my solemn duty to take your breath away and take you as my lovely wife with a beautiful diamond -” replied Nikolai, his lips curving into a good natured grin as his heart beat a little faster at the thought of you marrying him. 

He groaned with a laugh as you punched him in the arm but you were laughing “Can you be serious for once?”

“I can only do five minutes but for you I’ll try my best.” said Nikolai with a wink making you shake your head at him in amused exasperation. 

“You are an idiot.” you replied fondly. 

“And yet, you still hold my hand.” said Nikolai in a teasing manner but he felt a burst of warmth and shyness within him, because holding your hand in his felt like heaven on earth. 

Nikolai expected you to remove your hand away from his but his heart swelled with surprise and hope when you squeezed his hand tightly with a warm smile as you looked at him fondly “And yet, I still hold your hand.”

And as both of you walked to the castle, Nikolai looked at you and knew that you were his one true great love and there was no going back from this moment. Your eyes sparkled with liveliness and you talked animatedly laughing good naturedly and Nikolai wondered if you knew that he was falling... falling deeply, madly, completely and utterly in love with you with no way out. 

He had been told hope was dangerous. But the way you looked at him as you left him at his chambers, gave him a semblance of hope that he was not alone in his feelings and this could be the beginning of an adventure that came with a breathtaking view.

#six of crows #shadow and bone #six of crows x reader #six of crows x you #shadow and bone x reader #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov x yn #Kaz Brekker #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x fem!reader #nina zenik #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #wylan van sunshine #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #zoya nazyalensky #genya safin #david kostyk #tolya and tamar #alina starkov #alina x nikolai #soc #six of crows fic #kaz brekker fic #nikolai lantsov fic #nikolai imagines

[swanimagines]

READY TO DIE | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: You lose your sister when a corrupted lawyer kills her, who kidnapped you two in hopes to get information about your boyfriend Kaz Brekker. What the poor lawyer didn't think, was that it was a huge mistake from him and he, Hendrik Marting, would never see the light of day again.

Warnings: Kaz is a major Dirtyhands in this, so this includes graphic descriptions of violence and torture.

"Stop! Stop it!"

Your scream echoed around the cellar and Hendrik Marting stilled, slowly turning to look at you. Your eyes were unable to focus on him properly due to so much pain, but you knew he took some steps towards you.

"What's wrong, love?" he cooed mockingly. "Can't watch your precious sister suffer anymore?"

"Fuck you!" you snarled and he sighed.

"And I thought you would be more creative with your insults," he said, before you felt his hand in your hair, yanking your head back. "Ready to answer my questions about Brekker?"

You stared into his eyes and said nothing, willing yourself not to look away.

"I've had enough of you," Marting snarled, his hand tightening in your hair.

"No," you whispered. "I will never betray him."

He gave a sharp yank, forcing your head back further.

"No?"

"No."

Marting froze, his grip loosening for a second before he gripped your hair tighter again.

"You will tell me what I want to know," he hissed. "You just have an option to choose whether you'll have your sister suffer longer."

You shivered as he started to drag his other hand down your body, leaving you gasping in disgust.

"Or," he said, his eyes burning into yours, "you could tell me the truth and make it all go away."

You swallowed and your body was trembling with the pain you were feeling, but you still refused to look away.

"I will never tell you anything."

"What good has Dirtyhands ever done for you?" Marting hissed. "How can you stay so loyal for a man like him? He'd sell you out for enough kruge. He has no care for you at all."

"You know nothing about him," you spat, struggling in his grip.

"You're so naive," he laughed and then nodded at his men. "Give her sister some more punches, maybe that will loosen her tongue."

Your body trembled with rage and you closed your eyes, holding back your fear. You had to stay strong, to stay strong for your sister, for your friends. You held back your will to cry out for her, just so you'd know she's still alive. She had stopped screaming, whimpering and groaning some moments back, and you knew she was in a bad shape. She had been hit so many times, so hard, that her ribs were probably cracked and she couldn't even cry out anymore.

Then, a blast was heard and you felt Marting slump against your chair, and then being pushed away.

"Are you awake, love?"

Jesper.

"Jesper?" you whispered, blinking as you felt someone fiddling with the rope tied around your hands and ankles, and then the rope was gone.

"Can you stand?"

"Yes," you nodded, your eyes widening as he took your hands in his.

"Can you walk?"

"I... I think so."

Jesper smiled and then glared at Marting, who was still lying on the ground.

"I should put a bullet in his head."

"Veta," you choked out. "Is she okay?"

"Don't worry about it now, love. Let's just get you out of here."

You looked down and saw blood dripping down your arms. You could feel it soaking your clothes and your legs were trembling with the pain, and then you noticed that Veta's chair was empty.

"Where's my sister?"

"We have her," Jesper said, pulling you up. "Matthias has her."

You looked around and then your eyes widened as you saw the cellar door. You stumbled towards it, almost falling, but Jesper was there to catch you. He wrapped his arm around your waist and helped you towards the door.

Kaz stood there, just behind the door, and you sighed in relief at the sight of him. He took a look at your beaten up form, and clenched his jaw, before glancing at the door. "Get her out of here, Jesper. Take her to the Slat, she needs rest."

Jesper nodded, and took a better hold of your body. "Come on," he said, helping you towards the door.

---

You had lost your memory of how you got to the Slat, but when you woke up, bandages were covering your body.

Inej was perched on your window, immediately standing up when you opened your eyes and groaned. She sat down next to you, placing a gentle hand on your cheek. "Are you okay?"

"Considering the situation, yes," you replied, smiling weakly. "How long was I unconscious?"

"Two weeks," she replied. "For a moment there we thought we'd lose you."

"I thought I'm going to die, too. But we won't go down so easily, we are too tough to give up with Veta," you chuckled but winced as it caused your ribs to ache.

Inej didn't reply.

"Where's Kaz?" You asked, looking at Inej.

"Oh, he has been unbearable, as he always is if he's worried about you. I'll let him know you're awake." She stood up from your bed and the next moment, she was already gone.

And not even five minutes passed, before you heard a cane clicking behind your door and then, a knock.

"Come in," you said.

Kaz entered, looking like he hadn't slept or eaten in days.

"You look like hell, Kaz," you smiled weakly at him, trying to ignore the pain in your chest.

Kaz didn't reply, didn't show any emotion when he pulled up your desk chair and sat on it. You frowned, wondering what was wrong.

"Has something happened?" You asked. Kaz still didn't reply. "Kaz?"

His eyes looked down, his hands squeezing his cane with little more force than necessary. Then, a thought filled your head. A horrible thought, a question you knew the answer for before you even asked.

"Kaz?" You said, your voice breaking. "Where is my sister?"

Kaz sighed, and then finally looked up at you. "I'm sorry, darling. Nina did everything she could, but she's... she's gone."

It was like you had become deaf all of the sudden. You were numb. You felt like you were floating, your head felt too heavy and your chest too empty.

"She... she's dead?" you heard your voice say. Faintly, it sounded like you heard yourself from behind a wall. Your head was spinning, but you felt like you were looking at a dream, a nightmare. For a moment, you felt as though you were still in the cellar. You remembered Veta's body, bloody, beaten up, full of cuts and bruises. You remembered the moment she stopped making noises, when she fell numb.

Kaz looked at you, not saying anything.

"No." You shook your head. "This isn't funny, Kaz. Stop playing around, she's in her room, she's still unconscious or you're just playing some cruel joke on me. She can't be dead."

Kaz shook his head. "Marting killed her."

Hendrik Marting's face flashed before you, and you felt like you had been punched in the stomach. "Killed her?"

Kaz nodded, his voice heavy. "She hadn't had a heartbeat for at least fifteen minutes. Nina was unable to resurrect her."

You fell silent, your mind processing the information. And after a few minutes, you looked at Kaz again, this time your eyes full of fire. "I'm going to kill him," you said, your voice firm, your words filled with determination. "I'll rip Hendrik Marting apart, I'll make him beg for mercy. Then, I'll make him beg to kill him already. Then I'll rip his limbs off while he's still alive. I'll cut him to pieces. I'll feed his flesh to his own dogs."

Kaz was looking at you, still no emotion on his face but he knew those feelings. He had gone through them after Jordie had died. He knew what you were thinking, what you were feeling. He knew how hard it was to go on. How hard it was to live.

"I know you will, darling," he whispered. "And I will help you."

You didn't say anything, but you looked at him with a ghost of a smirk. You had lost your sister, but you would avenge her death in a way Marting wouldn't see coming.

---

Ten months had passed from the day Veta had died and you had finally fully healed. During that time, you, Kaz and the rest of the Crows had whipped up a plan for how to kidnap and kill Hendrik Marting.

"Inej, you will stay on rooftops and make sure Marting is going where he's supposed to go. And when he's alone in here," Kaz tapped Marting's office, "Nina will go in and slow his heartbeat so he falls asleep. After that, Matthias will take him out. We will take him to the old warehouse near the Slat. I've got everything set there. The warehouse has everything we need to make Marting suffer."

Kaz glanced up at you, but you kept your eyes on the map.

"We have to be careful," you said. "If we do even one mistake, some of us could be taken into that cellar, and suffer the same fate as my sister. We have to make sure we do everything right."

Kaz nodded. "And we will. I know we won't make any mistakes, not when Marting took one of us."

You took in a long breath through your nose, before looking up at Kaz again. "His suffering will last for hours." You said, your voice a bit hollow. "It won't be quick, I will relish in his pain, just like she relished killing my sister."

Kaz nodded again, a small smirk playing on his lips.

---

You were peeking around the dark alley just in line with Marting's office, his neatly sorted law books in his shelf and a pile of papers on his desk. From the outside, he looked like a decent lawyer, maybe even honest - but you should have known that even the lawyers of Ketterdam were corrupted. A handsome bribe, and they would do almost anything, using their power to get anything.

You paid attention on how Marting's arm was moving funnily, stiffly. Like it had been badly broken just some time before. You smirked, either the man had fell down from somewhere high or he had more enemies than just you. Either way, his death would be a gift for all of Ketterdam.

You saw Nina's shadow entering the office, and Marting didn't even have time to react before he was already under.

Matthias' huge shadow entered the office next, and just on cue, a wagon was parked under the office window. Matthias threw Marting out from the window straight on the hay pile on the back of the wagon, and Jesper covered Marting with hay before he gestured you to come along and together, you continued on towards the warehouse.

The warehouse wasn't very big building, it had a few cages with stuff Kaz had yet to sell, and then it had slightly larger space - and that space had a chair in the middle, a few ropes lying beside it and a bag full of bandages. On the other side, there was a small shelf full of knives and a few pairs of pliers of different sizes at least, but you'd take a better look on them later. Matthias and Nina arrived soon after you, and the Fjerdan lifted Marting from the wagon, carrying him over to the chair.

Nina walked up to one of the ropes and lifted it, starting to tie Marting up, Jesper helping her with another rope.

"Make sure he'll stay in place," Kaz rasped suddenly from the shadows, having appeared from nowhere - or maybe he was already waiting there. "We don't want him to escape."

"Oh don't worry. He should be almost as strong as Matthias to get loose from this." Jesper said, a hint of a smile on his lips. "And fortunately we have Matthias keeping guard at the door while you and your Queen do the thing."

Nina and Jesper spent a moment longer tightening the rope, before you all stared at the sleeping man for a moment.

"Wake him up," you then said, your eyes on Marting. Nina lifted his hands, making some quick motions and soon, Marting groaned as he stirred awake. He looked around, his eyes widening when he saw you and Kaz.

"Ah, so this is it?" Marting mumbled, his eyes shifting on Kaz. "For your information, your little gift for me cost me thousands of kruge to fix. And my arm will still never be the same, you broke the bone from twelve different places. I didn't even know that was possible. I was told I'm lucky my arm wasn't amputated."

Kaz nodded at the five of his Crows and they went outside, shutting the heavy door behind them. You stepped forward, looking at the ropes binding Marting's hands and feet to the chair.

"It's your turn to pay, Marting," you said. "It's my sister's revenge."

Marting only smiled at that, a mocking smile that made your blood boil even more, if possible.

"So, you plan to kill me? Adorable." Marting chuckled. "And that will help with bringing back your sister?"

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Nothing will bring her back, but she deserves justice. I will make you beg for death. I will make you scream for me to just kill you."

Marting chuckled again, looking at you as if you were some kind of a joke. "Oh, really? A sweet girl like you torturing me?"

You glanced at Kaz, who took a step forward. "We will make you beg, Marting."

Marting's smile was still full of derision, clearly not believing you're serious. So you took one of the smaller knives from the shelf and stabbed him right on the knee. Marting grunted, tears of pain prickling in his eyes. But he still smiled.

"That's all you got?" he asked, looking at the knife in your hand.

"May I?" Kaz asked you and you smiled at him, pulling the knife out from Marting's knee. Kaz nodded, taking the largest knife from the counter. He turned it around, showing it to Marting. "Didn't you just say you were lucky your arm wasn't amputated after I broke it?"

Marting raised his eyebrows at Kaz, and after a blink, Kaz had swung the knife and Marting's hand was on the floor. Blood gushed out of Marting's severed wrist and finally, the man howled in pain, trying to wriggle the rest of his arm free from his restraints. Kaz looked entirely unfazed and picked up some bandages from the bag and handed them to you.

"Bandage his wrist. We don't want him to bleed out too quickly."

You didn't need any more of an explanation, and quickly tied a bandage around Marting's wrist, securing the cloth with a tight knot. Marting whimpered, but then made a pathetic attempt to compose himself and smirked at you again.

"It was your sister who I killed, and your boyfriend does a better job than you in punishing me. Pathetic."

You smirked back, walking over to the shelf and taking a pair of large pliers. "Oh, I can think of a few ways to punish you, you arrogant fuck."

Marting looked at you walk over to him with pliers in your hand. He looked at you until you grabbed his blond hair and forced his head back. Kaz seemed to know what you were going to do, so he took a hold of Marting's hair as you forced his mouth open and closed the pliers on his tongue. You then took the small knife from earlier and made a large slash on the underside. Marting let out another, satisfying howl of pain as he started to bleed from the wound, blood pouring down his chin.

"Should we remove some of your teeth?" you asked him, the knife dripping with blood. "You're a pretty man, you could look even prettier with only one or two teeth. It could give you a nice smile in your funeral."

Marting didn't even say anything this time, though it might have been because his mouth was full of blood.

"Maybe later with the teeth, then." You sighed, walking over to the shelf again and lying the pliers down. You grabbed another knife and a few more bandages, and took a deep breath.

"Alright," you said. "I'll make sure to take the time to enjoy this, Marting. But first, it's Kaz's turn. Maybe one tooth could be taken out now, just to give him a little taste on that."

Kaz smirked, taking slightly smaller pliers from the shelf and walked over to the man. He placed them on Marting's mouth and turned them, this time with you holding his hair back. You heard Marting's teeth clack together, and he started to squirm as one of his teeth started to crack. Kaz looked up at you, a slight smirk on his face.

"It's been a long time since I've gotten to do this." he said before another crack was heard.

Marting let out another howl, and you held him tighter as he thrashed his head around. Kaz held the the pliers tighter and twisted them, this time getting the tooth out. Marting howled and then Kaz placed a large cloth of bandage inside his mouth.

"Hold his head up," you told Kaz, who nodded. You walked over to the shelf again, taking the largest knife from earlier and walking back over to Marting. He was still whimpering and moaning, but not screaming. You wanted to hear him scream after every single thing you'd do to him with Kaz.

You walked back over to him, pushing your face close to his. "You'll pay for your sins, Marting. You'll beg me to kill you."

Marting's eyes widened as you lifted the knife and placed the tip on the back of his head. He flinched at the knife, and you chuckled, placing your other hand on his cheek. "Beg, Marting. Beg me to kill you, or I'll make this last for a lot longer."

Marting didn't even have a chance to say anything before you cut him while laughing, almost cutting his ear off. You then walked over to the counter, taking a small jar of something from the shelf and placing it in your hand. You walked back to Marting, and with your free hand, you placed a rag over the wound.

"Do we have matches?" you asked Kaz.

He smirked, probably knowing what you were wanting to do. "Yes, in the drawer. We also have alcohol in the cabinet."

"Let's start with those," you said, soon returning to Marting and taking a deep breath. "I won't lie, this is going to hurt."

You soaked a rag with alcohol and plopped it on his hair, and then lit the match. Marting howled as the flames spread over his head, his eyes wide and his body trembling. He screamed, trying to find a way to out out the flames, but you just laughed, watching the flames burn through his hair and make a small patch of his head look like a burnt cookie.

You took another rag and placed it on the wound, smothering the flames. Marting whimpered and looked at you with teary eyes, and you smirked at him.

"Ready to die?"

"I will never beg anything from anyone, especially not from a woman," Marting snarled, his voice trembling.

"Good." You grabbed a small knife from the shelf and walked back over to him. "I still have a lot to do with you." you said, holding the knife in front of him, and now, for the first time this evening, you saw a flash of genuine fear and regret in his eyes.

---

It had taken six hours before Marting stopped responding to the pain, and soon after that his heart had stopped. He never once begged you to just kill him, which disappointed you - but knowing that his last hours were nothing but torture made you believe he wanted to give in, but his pride outweighed his desire for the pain to just stop. After you were done, you and Kaz both covered in blood and all of Marting's fingers, hands, teeth and his left leg severed on the floor, you dragged the man who had destroyed your only biological family from the back door and threw him to the Reaper's Barge, watching him go under the surface.

The way back to the Slat had felt surreal - for so many months, you had fantasised this to happen, but you hadn't actually believed it would happen. You had thought it would only exist in your fantasies. Maybe Kaz would get him dead if you asked, but to get a revenge on your sister yourself?

You had done it.

It was a feeling that filled you with so much pride, you had never felt anything like it. The way you felt when you were doing something right. Feeling pride from something like that would have been sick and deranged anywhere else, but in Ketterdam it was normal - you would never forget this day.

In the Slat, everyone fell silent the moment you and Kaz stepped in, your faces and clothes covered in blood. It was clear whose blood it was to everyone there - and some people cheered for it. Veta was loved within the Dregs, she was the sunshine among everything grim in Ketterdam, and many Dregs did miss her and wanted revenge to Marting. You both went upstairs to wash yourselves off the blood, and as you watched the red pour down the drain, you felt like you could finally say goodbye to Veta. 

You just felt she was in peace now, and you could live your life knowing you avenged her.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagines #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #six of crows imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse fanfic #grishaverse #reader insert #female reader #my works

[writing-havoc]

HEY! HOW ARE YOU? would you be willing to make a kaz brekker x reader? if possible a soulmate au? I'm obsessed with this trope! maybe name on the wrist or the one where with just a touch of skin you see the colors? I imagine one where r is not part of the dregs but is quite indifferent/receptive to the fact that kaz is the leader of a gang. r is a seamstress, using her skills to hide that she is a fabrikator, and she (can be gn if you want!) and kaz know they are soulmates, though they never talk about it. they can even be a 'thing' secretly, and it would be adorable if they were both childhood friends. maybe before the events of SoC kaz decided to make their relationship official (with a request for courtship alá brekker or even a marriage on paper) and after CK he is even more desperate for this, wanting to protect r at all costs. oh, it would be very interesting if r had a younger sister aged 8/9 who loves kaz and vice versa since she is very quiet and obedient and loves to listen to kaz's stories. even better if he secretly called her little crow. bonus if the girl's name is astra and she is also a hidden grisha, an inferni or another etherealki i would love to see this from your point of view and with her writing it would be amazing but feel free to decline if you don't want to. Did I already say that you write very well? well then know. YOU ARE INCREDIBLY TALENTED!!!!!!

Silent tears

♡ Summary: Before the events of the ice court, Kaz feels relatively content with his feelings and relationship with you. After? Not so much.

♡ Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

♡ Fandom: Six of Crows, Grishaverse

♡ Warning(s): Mentions vomit a few times, Gun, Death, uses yn twice

♡ WC: 5.4k

Aaaa thank you sm for this request!! Loved all the little details I had to include. It was interesting writing for a reader that wasn't part of the dregs.

Thank you for your kind words <3

I made Astra a Squallor here. And it's up to your interpretation if the reader and Kaz are dating or otherwise before the ending.

As always, please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

The sound of a sewing machine filled the small shop. It was loud, punching the table he knows it's rested on and creating a rumbling in the floor.

Gowns and suits and vests filled the racks around the store, some on display on fake bodices. They wore outfits, tantalizing window shoppers to enter and run their fingers along the fabrics.

The velveteen looked high quality, mixed with some sort of spandex fabric around the waist to hug its wearer. Pearls and lace flow across shoulders and down the side of gowns, some even including embroidery.

As he moved along, suits and gowns turns into vests and petticoats. The walls were decorated with hats of various function, most made for looks and flare rather than functionality. Behind the desk even existed a rack of long coats and various sweaters, more than likely just to fill up space than to be sold.

The sound ceased, and he rung the bell at the desk.

"Coming!" Called a voice. He stopped himself from smoothing out his own coat, in turn adjusting his gloves.

Heavy footsteps presented him with your kind figure, heels unconsciously stomping against the wood floor compared to the concrete of the backroom.

You smiled at him, picking off little strings of thread the fell into your lap and stuffing them into a pouch at your side.

"I've just finished your order." He felt just as much as he seen you change from business to something more lax, shoulders drooping and the lines between your brows disappearing. "Gimme one moment to put everything in the box- oh, would you turn the sign around, please?"

"A bit all over the place, are we?" He turned around, hearing you release a big sigh.

"Just about, it seems."

The people walking outside turned to look at the store, smiles on their faces. It was mildly amusing to watch them fall as he turned the sign, giving him a glare as he continued to stare them down. He didn't turn until they left, everyone else's eyes only flashing to the window for a moment before diverting elsewhere the second the closed sign came into view.

Window shopping is pointless when the building is closed.

"You wanted... two suits, one the shade of coal and the other a light purple, a wine red gown, a mask, and a pair of gloves?"

He turned his attention back to you, holding a rather large, yet flat, wooden crate. The inside was filled with the colors you just mentioned, a pair of leather gloves on top acting as paperweights for his order.

You set the crate down for him to look through. He removes the paper, taking the gloves into his hands and holding them out to examine.

And admire.

You aren't a leatherworker. You're a seamstress. And yet, you make the finest pair of leather gloves he has ever seen. Sometimes he'll even catch little designs marked into the gloves, the integrity of the material somehow unfazed.

"Make the slits bigger. Just two millimeters." He hands them to you.

You raise a brow, knowing that you made everything to his usual specifications.

But you take them back, entertaining him. You look at the locked door, and then raise your hand over the gloves.

Grisha power isnt super fascinating to him anymore. When he was little he would beg you to demonstrate your power, handing you pieces of worn fabric to do as you pleased with.

He would watch the thin threads thickened and the material became warped around the edges. Jordie would stand next to him, watching you solely because Kaz dragged him over every single time. You would hold out the newly mended piece of cloth, and he and his brother would clap ans rejoice.

But he still likes to watch you work. To see as your mouth opens and your tongue folds over your canines as you focused.

You give them back to him, and he inspects them once more.

"These will do." He ends up saying, appreciation left for the darker hours in the night.

You roll your eyes and rustle around with the paper held underneath your arm, fingers quickly calculating the math of the order.

Usually he doesn't do a batch of this size while he's still figuring out a job, but the way he sees it there's no way he can't have just about everybody present. Which these days is incredibly rare.

A pin is taken from the cushion on your wrist, planting itself into the red gown. But as you take out two pieces of paper, writing probably a total and your name, he can't help but stare at the ink peeking out from beneath it.

He knows what it says, just as well as he knows the name on his own.

He's seen it once as you pulled up your sleeve during the summer, the fine etching displaying his name, his old name, clear as day before you hurriedly slipped the pin cushion back onto it. He looked away that day, pretending he didn't see.

It feels so much harder to pretend now.

"This is your total. And I will need your signature on both of them, Mr. Brekker."

Your smile is playful, then. As he takes the pen from your outstretched hand.

"As I've told you before, yn, Kaz is fine."

"Oh, but how could I be so informal, Mr. Brekker?" You put your hand on your chest, face twisted into a poor impression of someone who has just been scandalized. "We are business partners, after all."

And just like in those books you always read, he feels his eyes soften, if only a bit as his brows and jaw relax. "Business partners doesn't cover the surface."

You take the confession and relax with it, rubbing the center of your chest. "You're right."

He thinks back to a time when you were both little, each staring at your blank wrist with solemn eyes. He would look at you as you rubbed the soft skin, fingertips and dirty nails gently tracing lines into it.

He would sit next to you, shoulders knocking together, and you would look up at him, expression changing as you grabbed his wrist and squeezed it.

At the time, he would never say it, the thought turning his ears pink and quickening his adolescent heart, but he would hope that your wrists would match, displaying the others name. He would hope that one day that sad and far off face would cease to exist, and instead would be full of complete and utter joy as you looked at him and exclaim that you knew it. Because you wanted him, too.

But now that he knows, he still wouldn't say anything. You never said anything, and he wasn't in any position or state of mind to say anything to you when he eventually saw his, ash sticky and cold flesh tainting the memory, your scream as you watched him swim to the harbor on Jordie's corpse, and his own as you went to grab him.

It stays locked away, with the rest of the things that feel too hard to touch.

He signs a fake name on both of them, taking one and handing the other to you for your personal records, and then takes out the kruge and hands it to you.

"Is Dirix out back to handle these or do you want a bag for them?"

He sighs. "Dirix is down at the Harbour. A bag will have to do."

"Can I pick the bag?" A new voice calls from the backroom.

He holds back a smile, but fails to stop the corner of his lips from turning up temporarily. He averts his eyes to the doorway where a little girl peeks around the corner, a wide smile on her face as she looks right at him.

"Of course, Astra." You say, and immediately she scurried up to the counter to take a look at the load she has to find a bag for.

Your younger sister, Astra, was moved up here a few years after you were, your parents having passed from the flu and grandparents too old to take on the task of raising a six year old. Much less a six year old who could summon the wind at any time she wants.

Thankfully, you had started your seamstress business a year before that, and had this store with your living space up above to take her in with.

Business was always booming here, your talent for fabrics and all things fashion put on display and loved by the masses. You spent pretty much your entire life studying the trends that wormed their way here, even getting ahead of the train numerous times and working into the darkest hours to make your profit.

Now you can afford the more pricey fabrics, and get the attention of the richer folk over in the Geldstraat.

He helps, of course, with his dirty work.

"I know the perfect one." Astra scurries away.

You chuckle, hearing a small "wow!" and a flurry of footsteps. "She's going to pick the most obnoxious bag, I hope you know."

He takes a breath then, and looks down at the gloves still in his hand. "I wouldn't expect anything less from her."

There's a moment of silence, watching you from his peripheral as you stare at the gloves too.

"I didnt like the last pair." You admit. "So I made the design more low-key. The last one was too flashy for your aesthetic."

He's wearing those gloves now, and they aren't even flashy. The design is just slightly more pronounced.

The way you measure how flashy something is has a much smaller threshold than most. Even by his standards, it's very small, and he's far from the most colorful being in Ketterdam.

Astra comes back with, of course, a large bright pink fabric bag, twine tied in the shape of a flower tied around the handles.

"Good choice!" You praise, taking the clothes out of the crate and laying them neatly in the bag while she beams at him.

"Do you like the bag?"

And normally, he'd say something incredibly passive aggressive.

But he actually likes Astra, and knows how easy it is to stamp out a child's heart, that level of emotional regulation and individuality not yet found in them.

"Its wonderful, little crow."

"Alright, give this to him, like I showed you." You pushed her along, and she rounded the counter, holding the sides of the bag, leaving the handles free for him to grab.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't just a little moved by that.

Astra wasn't allowed to help you until a few months ago, when she basically got on her hands and knees and begged to be of some help. You claim that you didn't give in right away, but he knows you better than that.

You have told her that he doesn't like to be touched, and it was a little hard for such a touch reliant girl to wrap her mind around that. After a few close calls, she got the general idea down.

"Pleasure doing business with you." He tips his hat, and watches as her little cheeks become pink as she curtsies.

"Ill be making stew like my mom made if you want to stop by later." You suggest.

Astra grins from ear to ear. "But not too later, if you can help it. I want to hear another story."

"At this rate I won't have any stories left to tell you."

She thinks about that for a moment, lips pursing and looking around the room. "Oh!" She shouts, face lighting up. "Can you tell me that one story again? About you and my sister getting lost in the woods down south?"

He pretends to think about it, looking around the room as if in search for the memory. "I think I can do that. You and your sister might have to fill in on some of the details, though."

She grins, pride welling up in her chest that she puffs out, holding out her hand. "The deal is the deal."

He takes her hand into his, giving it a firm shake. "The deal is the deal."

Kaz takes a moment to look back up at you, and his heart nearly leaps out his chest when he sees the way you're looking at him, a small smile he doesn't think he's seen before and eyes filled with so /much/ that he's surprised your whole eye isn't black. Your head rests into your fingers, arm wrapped around your waist. It's an expression he's seen rarely, but it always seems to catch him off guard.

It looks a lot like yearning, he thinks.

But he puts it away for later.

When you catch that he's looking, you take a deep breath, schooling your expression and wiping off imaginary dust from your clothes.

"Alright Astra, Kaz has important business to attend to."

Astra pouts from beside him, but gives him her goodbyes and walks into the backroom again.

He straightens. It's oddly difficult to keep eye contact with you, but he does anyway, flicking between the both of them.

"If I have time, I'll stop by." He gives in.

You're happy with that. "Ill even add extra broth for you."

"Sweetening the offer I see."

You put your hands on your hips, shrugging. "A girl's got to do what she's got to do."

The implications of that are hefty, too hefty with a cane in one hand and a bright pink bag of clothes in the other.

So he ignores it, and nods, taking his leave out the front door and back to the Slat.

-----

He stares at the plan before him in his mind, going over each and every way this can and probably will go sideways.

Breaking into the most secure prison in probably the whole world with nothing more than the scrapings of a plan, one of the essential persons in a different prison, and your presense completely plaguing his mind.

The third one isn't exactly new, but he can't help but think about you when his survival rate went from low on the daily average to basically zero with one handshake.

But thirty million kruge...

Thirty million kruge could go a long way. That's four million for him, most of which he could put towards the crow club and expanding his empire, taking down Pekka, and securing his place as one of the top bosses in Ketterdam.

He could secure his place in the food chain, and maybe, maybe then he...

Maybe.

He entertains the thought of a marriage certificate. Having something that ties you and him together both eternally and in the eyes of everyone else. Being able to hold that slip of paper when he can't hold your hand and feeling like it matters.

It's hard to keep the thought away, now that he's alone with a glass of kvas and death staring him in the eyes.

He doesn't plan on dying soon. Not for a long time. He has vengeance to exact and many more dinners to join you for.

But it's a very real possibility, and he must debate with himself going to you and telling you all this before he leaves.

If it was any other job, Kaz would send Inej to tell you that he would be gone for a few days and to not expect him. If it was literally any other job, he wouldn't even consider getting up from his chair, marching down those stairs and up yours, and discussing the undiscussable to at least satisfy the gnawing in his stomach.

Because he knows that if you find out he died and he knew that he was basically guaranteed to do so and he didn't bother to tell you himself, you would never forgive him.

Granted, he would be dead, so in theory it doesn't matter.

He picks up his cane and gloves, shoving them over his hands and throwing on his long coat. He doesn't even have to look at the coat rack to find his hat, putting it on and making his way out of the Slat and to your address without a word to anyone else.

The theories mean nothing, in the face of reality.

You're making stew with extra broth, he might die in a few days, and he doesn't want you to think ill of him when he can't look you in the eye and try to convince you to feel otherwise.

As the cold bites his nose, he thinks back to that look you were giving him when he made that deal with your sister.

It's nearly enough to make him turn around, muscles tingling and a shiver rolling down his back that's unrelated to the cold. He feels sick. Warm and a feeling in his stomach he only feels late in the night in the comfort of his own bed.

He can't do this.

He picks the lock on your door.

He can't tell you.

He opens the door, locking it behind him.

He can't think of you like that.

He walks up the stairs, the smell of stew just barely reaching his senses as he enters the kitchen.

He can't.

You're sitting at the table, two empty bowls on the table and fabric thrown over your legs, threading them together. Your finger is bleeding, and he wants to wipe it away.

"You're late." You smile, eyelids heavy.

He takes off his hat, putting it on the hook you installed when he started coming over. "Or I'm just in time."

You laugh quietly, sticking the needle in the fabric and pulling it off your lap. "Just in time about sums it up."

He's a monster.

You turn your back to him and enter your room, draping the project on your desk.

The pot is still steaming, and his throat feels clogged.

"Ill be gone for a while."

You turn around, and he can't watch you anymore. He takes off his coat and drapes it over the chair.

"How long?" Your voice is soft, approaching him.

"Few weeks."

He's a coward.

You hum, setting down a bowl of stew with extra broth in front of him. "Thats a long time, even for you."

He clenched his jaw, heart pounding in his ears. The light catches the stew, making rainbows in the broth. Chunks of lamb, potatoes, pieces of ham, carrots, and greens he can't see dance in the soup as he stirs it.

"Bigger reward for the troubles." Is all he says.

The troubles, he thinks, that he can't get past the lump in his throat. The trouble that you of all people deserve to know.

He glances up at you, and he recognizes the look on your face all too well.

You're very aware of his gang affiliation.

He actually attempted to cut ties with you after he got associated with the Dregs. You threw a crate at him and called him mad for suggesting as such. He only risked to bring it up one other time, and you had yelled at him and about cried when he turned to leave, throwing a rock at his freshly poorly healed leg.

He swiveled around at glared at you, but you didn't flinch in the face of Dirtyhands. Just glared at him, told him you're not going anywhere, and then left /him/ before he could protest.

It took him a week to figure out that, despite you not wanting to cut ties with him, you didn't completely agree either. You didn't bother trying to convince him to leave, but you have on numerous occasions begged him to be careful, adorning this exhausted look.

You don't say a lot anymore, but the expression has stayed relatively the same, if a bit rounder on the edges.

"How bad?" You asked.

He abhors the way his heart squeezes, like it has a mind of its own while his brain yells at him to keep you out of it.

He wants to throw up.

How does he tell you there's a greater chance than not he'll die, now matter how much he wants to make it back to you?

How does he tell you you might never get to see him again? Or see Jesper or Inej?

He swallowed some broth, licking his lips.

"Pretty bad."

He's such a fucking coward.

"Ynnn." He hears a hoarse voice call. He looks up, seeing Astra stroll in and rest her chin on the kitchen table. "You didnt tell me Kaz finally came."

When he looks at you to see your response, its to his absolute horror that he catches you wiping your eyes, then pull your little sister to your side.

"You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you."

"M'you should've."

You glance up at him, and smile against Astra's hair.

"You're right. I should've."

-----

'Damn it all,' he thought in a panic. 'Damn everything. Go find them.'

It was a dangerous, recurring thought that he had when he went anywhere near the Zelver District, whenever he had to go through the canals that run along its edge and connect to nearly every other canal.

Even now as he puts everything in place to send Kuwei off on a fake bodyboat. It only half surprises him that the sight doesn't make him all that uncomfortable. He's exhausted, lovesick, and has had the experience of several lifetimes within just a few weeks.

He wanted to send word to you to stay put during the alarms. But Pekka's crew strolled through your storefront not a few days ago, asking about your wares and probing for information. Inej had seen as such when she finally had the opportunity to check on you.

There was no guarantee that this plan would work. Pekka would have been dealt with regardless but the auction with Kuwei could have gone differently. No matter the confidence with which he laid out facts or with Wylan's newfound acting skills, there were too many variables that relied heavily on the actions of people outside his control.

It worked out, though. But now he has to worry about being unable to find you. It makes him nauseous. He actually feels his mouth begin to fill with saliva, but he keeps it down. Right now, he just has to get rid of Kuwei, and send off Colm, Nina, and Matthias to the boats that will take them to their respective countries.

A small part of his conscious nags at him. Of course he feels grief for his fallen Crow, incomparable to the grief Nina will have to face for the rest of her life.

But there's that much larger part of him that can't feel anything except the itching for your eyes on him.

Kaz makes a snarky comment about Kuwei's dead position, and leaves everyone to fill in the silence around him. There isn't much talking, aside from Jesper and his father, and then they're hugging and parting.

He hardly has it in him to stay while they leave, and eventually, before they even disappear from his eyesight, he's turning and marching up the Van Eck lawn towards the Zelver District.

He feels like he's going insane. Energy is surging through him like there's a heartrender pumping his system. When everything becomes familiar, that coffee shop you like with the Stroopwafel's coming into view, he can't help but break out into a run.

His leg feels like it may splinter.

But he's 4 million kruge richer, and he has something to ask you.

He's learned a lot, quite a bit of it against his will, since he left for Fjerda.

He will not let you become another life lesson.

Your door comes into view, and he nearly slams into it when his legs can't seem to stop and one of them is straining against his own body weight.

The lock picks nearly fell to the floor before he manages to unlock the store. He didn't even let the door close behind him before he rocketed up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

You were at the top, rifle in hand, pointing it at him with a fierceness in your eyes.

It all but crumbled when you seen who he was.

"Kaz?" You called, disbelief choking your words.

It takes a moment for him to catch his breath, most of his gasping done before he unlocked the door. But again, hes exhausted and lovesick, so air isnt really a luxury he seems to be able to afford. "The bruises don't make me that unrecognizable." He stands straighter, favoring his left leg.

You had half the mind to put the rifle on your kitchen table before you completely broke down in tears. Your arms hug your sides while your eyes boil over with tears and hot rage.

"You're such an asshole!" You yelled. "Getting put on the Stadwatch and the entire barrels shitlist? What the fuck kind of job did you take?"

He stepped forward, setting his cane next to your rifle and dropping into the chair next to you.

It still made his skin crawl. It still made his lungs burn with freezing cold water. It still made deadly blue hands grip at his legs and pull him under.

But he reached out, pulled you between his legs, and hugged your body to his, his cheek resting against your stomach.

You were warm. So very warm from working yourself up. And stiff. He could feel it under his arms as your thighs stuck together and the muscles surrounding your spine tightened into stone.

"Ka-Kaz?"

He ignored you in favor of ignoring his own body, tightening you into him as the waters punched his stomach and licked up his back.

You were warm, and as you relaxed, his face further sinking into your stomach, the water began to still. Still crushing against his organs, but not going any further.

Tears pushed on the back of his eyes. He squeezed them shut, taking in a shakey breath.

He was doing it. He was holding you, touching you, and it only made half his mind scream to be yanked away.

"I fought." He whispered. "I fought to come back." He swallows. "To you."

Tears thumped against the crown of his skull. He could hear your heart pounding despite its location.

"You left-" Your voice cut off in a squeak. Clearing your throat, he could feel, felt like a chore. "You left. And then you didn't come back. Your face was all over Ketterdam, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep- I couldn't answer Astra's questions because I didn't know anything-"

"I was tricked." He gritted his teeth, loosening his grip on you just as you reached down and dragged your fingers over his shoulder, fixing a loose thread. "Deceived, and made a complete fool out of. I couldn't come back because they would have got you too."

Your fingers stopped. "Who did they get?"

A few tears leaked out the side of his eyes. The only tears, he decided, he was going to allow through. He was not a crier. And he had no intention of becoming one.

"Inej." You gasped, hand flying away from his head to cover your mouth, he would presume. "Which is why I couldn't get word to you. Why you had to remain in the dark."

He pulled back, looking up at your tear stained face. You wiped them away, sniffing up any snot that remained in your nose and cleared your throat.

For a while you didn't speak. You just stared at him. His hands had fallen to his knees, fingers barely touching your leg while your own held your elbows.

You were deep in thought. Occasionally a silent tear would work it's way down your cheek and tick against the floor. He remained still, watching as you worked your way through your thoughts.

Whatever you had to say, you were fighting for a better way to word it.

Eventually you reached out, swallowing as you searched for any indication he would retreat.

Instead he stared you head on, sweat building on brow. He was all touched out at the moment, but you wanted this. And he thinks it's the least you deserved after the complete emotional shipwreck he just put you through.

Your thumb brushed over his bruises, watching him wince when you accidentally pushed on them.

Scabs had begun to form over some of the wounds he refused to be healed. Two thin lines on his lips, one on his cheek, and one to his brow. You went over all of them, touching his lips last.

He thinks you meant to do that.

"If I had known this would be my fate when I saw my name on your wrist when we were children," you whispered, "I'd have slapped you stupid."

That makes his lips twitch. "And now?"

You swallow again, carefully brushing his hair away from his forehead so that your nails barely scratched the surface. "Now, I just want to look at you." You smiled, taking your hand back. "Somebody's already slapped you stupid for me."

"Believe me, there was no slapping."

The words make your smile disappear. He regrets saying them.

Somethings missing though, and he realizes it a lot later than he likes.

"Where's Astra?"

You smile, an airy breath escaping your nose. "She went down about half an hour before you stormed in here."

"You didn't send her off to your grandparents when the sirens went off?"

You scoffed. "And go where you couldn't find us?" You looked down, scuffing the floor with your sock covered feet. "You'd have lost your mind."

And that, you knowing him so intrinsically, is what he's going to use as an excuse for what he says next.

"Marry me."

It's so unlike him. He should have been less forward about it. Presented it to you like a business offer instead of demanding it of you.

Your head snaps up. Eyes wide as they stare at him.

"What?"

He scoots back, chair scraping across the floor as he stands.

"I do not present this to you lightly. After the events that have taken place, there will only be more people willing to tear me down. People who will want to use you to get to me."

The thought almost makes him want to back out. But if Kaz Brekker is anything, he is not someone who back tracks.

"It would be done in private. No one would know but the Dregs, or only the Crows, and your family. But if anybody does any digging and finds that certificate, you and Astra would be in danger."

You continue to stare, eyes still wide and mouth agape.

Sweat beads down his back, not helped by the long coat he neglected to take off. He also realizes that he's lost his hat somewhere on the way here, probably flown off in his rush to get here.

You close your mouth, clearing your throat. "I will marry you, Kaz, on one condition."

He shifts on his feet, leg still horribly sore. "That is?"

You cant help but smile. "I won't have to wear white."

And a giddy, childish sort of glee bubbles in his chest. There isn't anything, he thinks, that could have stopped the smile forming in his face, growing so wide as to show teeth. "You could wear the muckiest yellow the nation as to offer if you so wished."

Your nose scrunches, and one day he thinks he could kiss it.

"Astra will want to hear about your adventure." He could see your exhaustion from just thinking about that, your gaze averting once again to her door. "She'll be so excited to hear about your proposal too."

He follows your gaze, seeing the little drawing nailed to surface of her door.

One of them shows you and him with smiling faces, a little heart above your heads. You're holding hands, Kaz's gloves a distinct part of the portrait, with Astra above, clouds and a sun at the top of the page.

"Little crow will blow the entire building apart." He grimaces, thinking of a way to cover that up if the neighboring businesses hear it.

You sigh. "I have no idea what to do with her."

He turns back to you and leans forward, arms clasped behind his back as he presses his lips to your temple.

It didn't feel real, the way he could initiate touch despite his body screaming at him to stop. Your hair stuck to his lips as he pulled away, but it was worth it to see the way your face fell open, eyes boaring into his.

Silently, he tells you he'll get better. With time, a long time, he'll be able to hold your hand, kiss your lips, stand shoulder to shoulder and lay with you. He tells you that fleeting kisses and barriers will be a thing reserved for bad days only, and even on those bad days he'll still love you in other ways.

He thinks you understand.

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

Tags:

@b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @a-candle-maker

#ask #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows x y/n #six of crows x you #six of crows fanfic #fanfic #morrigan-crowmwell

[lady-ashfade]

Can you do a kazzle dazzle were kaz is like in love with reader while reader doesn't think so and all the crows tease him and stuff because its somewhat obvious to everyone but reader. And kaz like leaves her anonymous gifts. And then maybe a love confection at the end?

Sorry if your not taking requests

What gave me away?

Kaz brekker x Fem!Reader

I’ve seen so much like this and I just love it! I want kaz to gift me things.

Notes: Longest kaz fic of mine, like I haven’t wrote this much for one character in a while. You can be a crow in this, or just work at the club.

Warnings: Fluffy, cursing I think, teasing from the group, kaz being a little soft. Maybe some angst. Spelling mistakes.

His hooded eyes stared at her fingers as she washed to counter, moving them up he looks at her face. The face that he admired and couldn’t help but feel warm when he looked at her. She wear a dress, not too fancy or too boring. She worked the bar or help the kitchen at times, so she always got stains on her dress. She looked beautiful to him even now, messy dress and a little dirt on her cheek.

She had her lips pouted a bit and at whatever she was thinking about, he found it cute. He couldn’t help but do this often, he just feel in a trace. Kaz let his mind run to far that everyone there notice his absence mind. Smirking, Nina was the first to speak. “You got a bit of drool there, boss.” She leaned close and pointed to the corner of his lips but never touched him.

Kaz broke his trance and turned to her with a glare, “Excuse me?” She laughed and sat back into her boyfriend arms. “You’re partially ripping her clothes off in your mind. And not to mention your heart is acting weird, you wanna go talk to her?” She asked with a teasing small voice as if she was talking to a child.

He took a deep breath of annoyance and rolled his eyes. “She’s using the wrong rag, she should have switched it out a hour ago.” He stated to throw their thoughts off. Nina nodded but she didn’t believe it, no one at the table did. “I don’t know boss” Jesper tapped in, “You were giving her the eyes.” He moved his eyebrows.

“What eyes?” Kit had no clue what he was talking about. Jesper laughed and turned to wylan who already knew what to do. They stare at each other with big eyes and admiring their features, like a puppy. Nina giggled and hit the table, “He looks exactly like that!” Kaz groaned at their teasing, “Stop taking or you’re all out a job.” He grabbed his cane and stood up with it.

“No, boss don’t leave.” Jesper called out as they watch him leave, “Kazzel, we’re sorry.” Nina watched him leave. Once he disappeared they all looked at each other with big smirks. “He was totally drooling.” Jesper laughed. “Totally, now” she pulled out her coin purse. “Who wants to bet on them?” The table pitched in and were planning to get Inej in on it later.

//~//

His office was quiet and he could hear the sounds dying down as the club closed and the workers left, the only person left was you and the other crows. A knock at the door made his ears perk up, he knew who it was. “Come on.” His voice sounded light and low. You step through the door with a tray in your hand and carefully walked. “What have you brought this time?” He continued to write on the paper.

You smiled and walked over to him and set the tray on the table in the corner. “Well, get ready to eat a feast.” You giggle and picked up a big plate. He pushed his paper away, he learned that even if he wasn’t hungry you wouldn’t care. You placed the plate down in front of him and set down the  utensils he needed. “Cabbage rolls, with a small side of eggs. And my favorite, seasoned potatoes.”

He looked up at you, his eyes questioning you. “We didn’t serve these tonight.” You smiled and shrugged, “They just appeared out of no where.” You walked back over to the table to get the other things you brought him. “And you’d feed this to me not knowing if it was poison?” He grabbed the fork and poked the food, but he knew you had made it. “Maybe I want whatever you have stashed around here.”

He hummed and you came back over and set down a glass of water and a smaller plate, a sweet roll on top of it. He remembered when you found out he had a sweet tooth you always got him one, he hated someone knowing that. But if it was going to be anyone he was fine with it being you.

“You better drink the whole glass of water, and eat at least half of everything.” You dropped your eyelids and leaned on his decks. “If that’s all, leave me to it.” He looked back down. Your eyes glanced over a bit and your breath hitched. Nodding you picked up the tray and walked out of the room like he told you.

“You should stay, be with me for a while.” The words you always wished to hear spoke through your head in his voice. You knew kaz was closed off, he didn’t like to show anyone anything he didn’t have to. It was known that he cared about you and the crows…But you hoped he cared more, like you did him. Each night you glanced at him, when he would walk around the bar with a glare and looked like a angry dog. You hated yourself for falling for a man that couldn’t love you back.

The next day you walked through the alleyways as the fog still covered the streets, the sun coming up and the soft light shined. You did like the morning because the way you took, there was never many people. You got to hear the birds that nest around and you could hear yourself think. Entering the club you worked and smiled at the men that work the table set up, you went to the bar. As you got closer you noticed something on the table, a box wrapped in a ribbon that wasn’t there when you closed.

Curiosity got the better of you and you looked at the note attached to it and your eyes widen as you saw your name written. There was no other name or any hint as to who it could be. It could be some sort of bomb or a poisons animal, but sometimes you couldn’t let the wonders stay. So you took of the top of the box and saw a few cookie cutters and your heart stop as you pick one of them up. You remember them from the store you went by, you stayed about a hour just convincing yourself not to waste money.

You looked up to see if anyone was looking at you, if you could spot the person who gifted it but you saw no one. Smiling big you took the box and put it under the corner. Everyone noticed the whole day you were more happy and hopping around the place. Everyone was more alive to see you like that, and it made them feel happier. When Nina asked what you were so happy about, you told her about the gift. “Who got it for you.” She raised a cup to her mouth and then took a bite of her waffle. “No clue, it wasn’t signed.” She was stunned for a moment as you walked off. Then she remembered that your boss was aways interested in your smile, so she put the pieces together.

That was just the start of the weekly gifts that were on the counter when you entered the club. Sometimes it was a flower vase with your favorite flowers. Sometimes it was new baking equipment, others it was just small things you would look at in the market. Once your shoes broke at work and you had to finish the shift with no shoes. Then, a man came in with a new pair as the club closed and that was your final straw.

You needed to find the person. They always knew what you wanted or needed. At first you thought it would be Inej because she couldn’t be seen, but you asked her and she said no. You could tell when she was lying. You asked everyone and they all said no, but you never asked kaz. It wasn’t even on your mind but it you needed to cross every box off. So when you brought him his nightly meal you had the perfect opportunity to ask.

This time his sweet was a cookie in the shape of one of the cutters he had got you. He lightly smiled with his eyes because you had used it. “Kaz.” You set down the glass on his desk. He glanced at you and then back down for you to get the words out. You tried to control the sweat coming off your body and your heart from beating fast.

“I’ve been getting these gifts, and I have no idea who they are from.” He nodded his head and picked up some food with his fork. “And are they threatening?” You shook your head and bit your lips. “No, they are sweet actually. Who ever is sending them is actually paying attention to me.” You fumbled your hands.

“Is that all you wanted to say? Why tell me this?” He sound annoyed. “Because I wanted to know if..” you stoped and looked at him. He let a few seconds pass by and looked up at you as you went silent and frozen. “If?” He asked to get you to keep going.

You needed to just bite the bullet and ask him. Part of you wanted it to be him- No. All of you wanted it to be him. To know that he pays attention to you, noticing everything like you do him. “Are you sending them?” You let out a breath. He stopped for a minute and looked into your eyes, you noticed his lips slowly curl up into a smirk.

“What gave me away?”

That wasn’t what you thought you would hear. And you actually thought you imagined it for a minute. It made your mind fly with thoughts and it took you so much by surprise, you stop working for a moment. “So, it was you?” Your brows raised themselves but crunched, he loved that look. “Hmm, but I should have guessed you would have figured me out.”

It clinked into your brain, it made your stomach fill with butterflies and heart flatter. “So, why did you do it?” You smiled at him. “I like to see you smile. I needed to show you thatI think about you non stop but, i couldn’t say it to your face.” He was truthful. “I-” he took a deep breath and raised his hand slowly and put it above yours. You he had a problem with touch, and that he was working on it.

Before you could voice your opinion he place his hand on top of your softly, it fit over yours perfectly. It was warm and the leather felt nice. “I have these feelings for you, that I don’t know what to do with. But, I’d like to have you as mine.” You smiled wide and tried not to cry, so you giggled at the overwhelming feeling.

“I will be yours, Kaz Brekker.” He actually smiled for the first time, not a small one but a bigger one. You could tell he was trying for you and you couldn’t help but find it adorable, but you couldn’t voice it. “Now, eat up and I’ll be back in a few. I want you to tell me that again.” You pranced out his office like you owned the place and acted high and mighty.

He sighed and chuckled, shaking his head at how much you affected him. The only warmth he felt inside was thinking of you, or seeing you.

“I’ll be yours kaz brekker.” He would replay those words in his head until his last breath.

#kaz #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows x reader #six of crows #Nina Zenik #Jesper fahey #inej gafha #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker fluff #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone #Kazzel dazzel

[secretlovezz]

omg can you elaborate more on the reader making kaz nervous?? like, she loves to tease and he gets so flustred but he secretly loves it?? tyy

I am so sorry this took for-fucking-ever and that it's so short I've been struggling to write 😭, but yes, of course, here's some more of the reader making Kaz nervous 🫶

Kaz Brekker knew he was a strong man. It took a lot to crack the barriers of someone like him and he was proud to say only a handful of people have ever gotten past the facade of his furrowed brows and down turned lips.

When he first met you he was shocked by your very public advancements towards him. You made him feel a certain way and he couldn't understand why. You weren't frightened of him and it was almost like you couldn't take him seriously; it thoroughly aggravated him.

He loathed the way you made him feel with your incessant teasing. It had a way of pulling on his heartstrings so tightly that it made him ache with a need he'd never felt before. Your ceaseless stare made him wriggle and twist in his seat with an almost delightful uneasiness; it made him clench the head of his cane so hard you swear you could hear the crackling of wood splintering.

Sometimes, you'd make a point of being dramatic about it just to piss him off. You'd lean your cheek against the palm of your hand and sigh dreamily as you stared into his bewitchingly darkened eyes. You'd sensually move your hand up his cane fingertips gently grazing over his gloved ones leaning in close behind him, so close to his ear he can feel your breath fan his face, can almost feel the cracked pink skin of your lips on the pale-ness of his skin whispering sweet nothings to him just so you could watch him shutter and let out a shaky breath.

He loathes everything about the way you act with him.

At least that's what he says out loud seemingly to convince himself because no matter the number of sighs that fall from his lips filled to the brim with faux annoyance, complaining on top of brazen remarks, and fiery glares you know deep down he finds everything you do enthralling.

You know thanks to the way he very obviously takes a deep breath as you sway and smirk your way past him -moving in a way that could distract any man if they were to even glance in your direction- savoring the way he can smell your perfume. The way he stares when you giggle in response to his dead-faced witty comebacks when in an irritating conversation with Jesper; that sound shakes him to his core every time he gets the pleasure of hearing it. You can see it in his face when he feels like his lungs give out and collapse from inside of him when you teasingly let out the most beautiful noise he's ever heard, the softest of moans while you stretch your arms above your head. Running his hand through his dark hair and clearing his suddenly congested throat in response.

One of your favorite times to tease him was when going over plans and strategies with everybody. You wanted everyone to lay their eyes on the cracking facade that was Kaz Brekker. The urge to get his heart racing so fast and hard Nina could hear it. You wanted him to twitch and shift so Inej and Jesper could quirk their brows in confusion at his sudden discomfort. Wylan and Mattias tilting their heads at him. It made you smile, the effect you had on him, the way others noticed.

You'd even started taking extra things when on a heist (the others had noticed this too). Picking up amazingly shiny little jewels, ruby-encrusted rings, golden necklaces, anything you with your crow-like nature could pick up for the man you wanted. When said things ended up in a bag on the boss's desk (usually with little notes alongside them) he knew they were from you and you knew his cheeks heated at the gesture without even having to look at him open the gifts.

He swears your smile is the biggest he's ever seen when he wears what you get him. Maybe it was just the thought that he was wearing something that you had given to him or maybe you liked to see him wear things that were yours because it made you feel like he was yours. Yours in a way he's never belonged to anyone. (He liked to think he was yours too once he had some time alone not that he would ever admit to that). Kaz wanting you is why he gave hints as to how much he liked the way you treated him. Sure he said rude things every once in a while but the smirks -becoming more like real smiles- made the passive-aggressive comments worth it. The glances at your lips then quick scoff in disbelief when you spoke in your usual persiflage manner made you stop to bite your lip at his flushed ears the tips red as cherries.

Kaz Brekker had known he was a strong man but you knew you had made him weak in every possible way a girl could.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker #sorry if this isn't exactly what you wanted I was just trying to get some more kaz stuff posted 😭 #I'll write more of reader teasing kaz eventually I promise lol

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

The Phoenix and the Crow

pairing: (future)kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: neutural

el's thoughts: this is part three in the series and... yeah haha this picks up at the very start of s2 ep1 so here you go! thank you for all the love on the last two parts! comments and reblogs are much appreciated :)

masterlist

“Home sweet home,” Jesper spoke as he walked beside Y/N whose nose was wrinkled between her eyes as she took in the dirty streets of the Barrel. “Straight off the boat from Ravka and no one was waiting to kill us as soon as we arrived. That’s a good sign. I might go off to celebrate.”

“If you do, you must show me around-”

“No.” Kaz’s voice was stern but not loud over the voices of the people around them. “No celebrating, we have stops to make.”

Inej followed him a bit more earnestly, “Where first? Tante Heleen?” 

“We get the Crow Club.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to keep up with the conversation based on the quick rundown Inej and Jesper gave her on the boat. Crow Club. The gambling den was owned by Per Haskel but run by Kaz. Tante Heleen. The woman who owned the Menagerie and held captive girls like her new Suli friend. Just hearing the name made chills run down the inferni’s spine. 

Once the club came into view the trio stopped abruptly causing Y/N to run into Jesper’s back, muttering apologies as she moved to stand by his side staring ahead in confusion. 

“Where’s our sign?”

“It’s been replaced.”

“The Kaelish Prince?”

“What kind of name is that?” Y/N rolled her eyes at Kaz’s harsh glare, “Sorry.”

“Dime Lions.” Kaz’s shoulders grew tenser with each passing second as the other’s caught up to his realization. “Pekka Rollins owns the Crow Club?” Inej finally spoke, her eyes wide as she looked back at the club in front of them. “Where does that leave us? Are you saying we have no home?” Jesper’s voice was slightly deeper than normal as Y/N assumed the shock of the situation took over his own body.

Kaz ignored Jesper’s complaints about his clothing and told them to split up. Y/N stood frozen for a second before the tallest of the group grabbed her hand and pulled her after him, but they didn’t make it far. Whistles were heard behind them, “Oi! You three!” Four men stood there dressed in officer uniforms, two of which held guns pointed at the other four.

“Kaz Brekker. Jesper Fahey. And Inej Ghafa.”

Y/N stepped out from behind the sharpshooter causing the officer to look at her with slight confusion. “And you are?” She tilted her head slightly, “Y/N.” He rolled his eyes in irritation after waiting a moment for her to continue, “Last name?” 

“Sorry, it’s classified.”

“Are you with them?”

“Yes.” “No.”

Y/N shot Kaz a glare, “Yes, I’m with them.”

“Is there a problem?” Kaz continued and held his tone as if he was talking business.

“For you there is. You three are wanted for murder.” His eyes trained back to Y/N, “Along with you now, for the association.”

Jesper sighed, “What? We just got back.” As he spoke his hands lowered slightly, and the officer with a gun shoved it forward making him raise his hands up again.

“Now hand over those shooters. And you, the cane. And you spy-” 

Y/N only then realized Inej had gone missing. The officers looked around franticly for the well-known Wraith, muttering their surprise and concern. Jesper just shrugged and smiled, “Yeah she does that.” 

“Well… Two’s enough for now.  Come on.” He pointed at the officer behind him, “You check her for any weapons.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes as she was patted down briefly in search of any weapon on her. The guard called back, “No weapons, Sir.” She smiled sarcastically and clenched her fist when she felt a spark escape her finger. 

“Then bring her along. Quickly!”

~

The shuffling of feet and the guard's voices filled the room as Y/N tried to pull away from their tight grips. “Let go of me.” She grunted when they shoved her down into a chair. She looked around the beautiful room lit by warm candlelight. 

“What’s all this, then?”

“Someone paid good kruge to get a moment alone with you.”

The heavy wooden doors swung open and an old man with graying hair and a mustache walked in with his own personal guards behind him. “Criminals.”

Kaz looked down and let out a heavy sigh, “Dreesen.”

Dreesen quickly paid the officers off and told them to leave. Kaz and the older man went back and forth on the topic of the new-found sun summoner with Jesper chiming in every so often. Y/N paid no mind to the conversation and instead continued to look around the room, taking into mind the bodyguards that stood around them. She looked over them all except one. She recognized him within seconds and felt her heartbeat speed up. Sturmhond. The celebrity privateer of Ravka. Only a handful of people knew his true identity and since being so close to the red-headed tailor who gave the prince his other face, Y/N knew that Nikolai Lantsov stood in the corner of the room. 

“It wasn’t your money, Dreesen.” Kaz’s voice caught her attention. “You were brought in as an intermediary. Someone to hire the likes of us. This operation wasn’t yours.” He looked over to the guard with an emerald pinned to his sleeve, “It was yours, wasn’t it?” 

Y/N watched Kaz beside her with wide eyes. How did he figure it out?

Dreesen stuttered out objections before Sturmhond walked forward. “Oh yes yes. Totally convincing. Thank you, Dreesen, but I’ll take it from here.” 

A moment of silence settled in the room before he turned to the older man and leaned closer, “That was me politely telling you to get out.” He nodded to the door, “So go on.”

The gray-haired man scoffed and nodded to his guards to follow him out. The wooden doors closed behind him.

“Well, this is much easier.” Sturmhond took off his hat and placed it on a table behind him. “Tell me, what gave it away?”

“You dress too well for a bodyguard. And you were hanging on every word like it was your money on the table. You wanted to hear our story, but we don’t know you.” Kaz turned his head toward Jesper, just slightly. “We know him.” 

The strawberry-blonde walked forward, astonishment painted on his face as he listened to the criminal speak.

“So you kept up the charade until now. My question is… Who are you?”

“What? You don’t know me? Maybe in profile.” He turned to give them a proper view of his right profile making Y/N struggle to hide her laugh. Jesper and Kaz shared a look of confusion. “Still no? Very well. The name’s Sturmhond.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of you,” Jesper said in amazement. 

“Yeah, I sure hope so.” He leaned on a table and placed his hand on his waist.

“He’s a very rich pirate.” The gunslinger explained.

“A privateer, actually. It’s an important distinction.”

Kaz grew frustrated, “The question remains, why is the Sun Summoner so important to a privateer?”

“You may not be aware, but half the world is looking for her. Or even just confirmation of death.” Sturmhond pulled out a folded piece of parchment, “And the reward’s gone up. Twenty million to hand her over to Fjerda. Turns out they weren’t particularly pleased with Kirigan and the Sun summoner’s plans to weaponize the Fold.” 

Jesper laughed, “Alina never had such…” Kaz glared at him and he cleared his throat. “You were saying.”

“You’re on first-name terms,” Sturmhond said with amusement in his tone. “Where is she now?”

Jesper groaned, “We don’t know where Alina is. She’s gone.”

A scoff left the privateer’s throat. “Escaped?” He trained his eyes back on Kaz, glancing down at his cuffed wrists. “I know you’ve gotten out of those cuffs. If I had more time, I’d insist you tell me how.” 

Kaz watched him in suspicion as he dropped his metal cuffs to the floor. 

“My intel informs me the Sun Summoner was wearing this,” He pulled out the diamond and blue gem necklace from a rucksack that sat on a table. “When she entered the fold. It’s part of the Queen’s collection. A well-known piece, the fabled garnets of Ivets. So, either she used this to pay you off to keep quiet about where she was going, or you found her bloody corpse and stole it off her neck like vultures.”

Kaz’s eyebrows furrowed and Y/N could see the wheels turning in his mind again. ‘Kaz wasn’t the only mastermind in the world…’ She thought to herself, ‘But he was still probably the best.’

“How dare you? How even-” Jesper cut himself off in utter offense. “We are not vultures, we are crows.” Sturmhond chuckled as the Zemmini continued. “And that makes more sense with context.” Kaz looked down in what Y/N made out to be embarrassment. Jesper looked around, “My point is, we’re not grave robbers.” 

“Which means it was a payoff. So you know where she went. Now if you tell me, I’ll give you twenty seconds alone here before the Stadwatch comes back in.”

Jesper chuckled in disbelief, “You can’t bribe us.”

“Leave the necklace. Give us twenty seconds and I’ll tell you.”

“Kaz?” Confusion overtook Jesper’s facial expression. 

Sturmhond scoffed in amusement, “The bribe she paid you to keep quiet about her next move, in exchange for her next move. I like it. Still, there is the mess of having to fence Royal jewels.” He pulled out a large stack of kruge from his coat pocket. 

“Kaz.” Jesper’s tone was a warning. 

The two in the bargain ignored him. “You stepped off the Edam tonight. Was she with you then? Is she in town somewhere?”

Kaz looked down in quick thought before he spoke, “She stayed on the ship to Novyi Zem.”

Sturmhond hummed with a smile while Jesper shook his head in disappointment. “Good luck. Gentleman.” He nodded to the inferni whose hands were still cuffed, “Y/N. Always a pleasure to see you again.” She rolled her eyes, “The same here, pirate.”

~*~*~*~

tagging: @rachelcarroll1819 @xcharlottemikaelsonx @khaleesihavilliard @simrah1012 @foulkryptonitepeanut @astridyoo15 @queenofshinigamis @peakyispunk @jahayla-parker @maliciousbrekker @writingmysanity

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagines #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagines #ellora.writes

[rkiveinmarvel]

the trick - kaz brekker. des. angst. shadow and bone (tv) s2 spoilers! kaz brekker saw love as nothing but a mere weakness, a soft edge, an instrument to drown, and then there was you. notes. kaz brekker is bad at love lmao. brief mentions of kaz's trauma (again). pekka rollins (yeah, he has his own warnings). six of crows shenanigans. mentions of hurting, bl##d. jordie rietveld. kaz brekker. enemies-to-lovers-to-idk.

hello, hello! i'm not good at intro lmao. but read it while listening to the night we met by l. huron for more raw emotion??? i remember writing this 3am on monday, so, it might be a lil' messy ;&lt;

wc: 1.4k

The ride back to the slat was painted with the deepest shade of silence, the alarming heart rate of everyone, the tension of everyone’s gaze, the weight on everyone’s shoulder, and the bruise getting settled on Kaz’s face. Jesper looked over at you as he noticed your undying gaze on Kaz. His breath hitched as he whispered.

“He’s okay. Don’t think too much..” You gave a concerned look to Jesper as he gave you a soft smile. The minutes' ride back to the slat was only for a while but for Kaz, it felt like an hour, a decade, it seems like he felt everything, heard everything, and saw everything. He felt the carriage halt as he sensed the familiar noise, as the crows prepared to step down from the carriage, he looked over to your hands and noticed the bruise forming in your knuckles, taking him back to the night when you both met.

----

“Pekka sent me to kill you. You pissed him off after you kept on tailing him, tracking him, watching him. I might say you might be obsessed with him. ” You stated, earning a glare and a concerned look from the sharpshooter and his ‘boss’. As words left your mouth, you felt Kaz’s reserved and fearsome intensity. 

“Then why didn’t you?” Though the question felt a little personal to your liking, Kaz’s tone proves otherwise. You felt as if a crow was watching you, daring you, and judging you. No doubt, Kaz Brekker knew that Pekka Rollins hired you to kill him, the fucking bastard of the barrel knew that, and yet here you are having a fucking drink in his fucking club. 

When Pekka Rollins let you work for him, he forgot one thing and that is checking your background, yes, perhaps he knew how skilled you are in killing, how your step would knock in silence, and how would the knife and guns would bow down in your presence, but what he did know is your past. 

With the last sip of  your drink, you look at Dirtyhand’s eyes, “Jakob Hertzoon..”

Kaz Brekker's eyes widened, he uttered something under his breath and made Jesper leave. 

“I didn’t kill you in any chance I get because… he stole something from me and I guess he also did to you.” Kaz Brekker searches for any misconceptions in your eyes, white lies that will get under his skin, but all he found are eyes that look at him and it seems like they understood him and knew him under all his walls, all his armor. 

“I get what you want from Pekka, you give me what I want..”

“And what is that?” Kaz replied you were taken aback because he was indeed out of character when he replied. You sighed. “...A chance to prove myself.” 

And that’s where all it started, as month dances into years, the withering flame in your heart, starts to fuel and fuel even more, the lingering looks in the slat, the searching for him in every room, the protecting him at any given time, it fueled you. 

It happened to him too.

It made you strong, it made him afraid. It saved you yet it drowned him in his fears.

It was your dream, it is a nightmare that he got himself into. You were the poison and yet he drank it. Pekka Rollins hired you to kill him and Kaz is damn sure that not only you might kill him but also drown him by accepting his deepest fears and secrets, and an emotion that could cloud his judgment.

--

After meeting your bruised and bloody hand he looked at you, a flame burning in his eyes and heart, as he felt it the first six months you talked to him about Pekka’s plan and jobs, he felt it the third night when Jordie’s voice seems too loud to his liking, he knew it the moment he saw colors he hasn’t seen before, he knew it when you stood to stop a bullet for him in Ravka, he knew it the moment he searched for you in every corner of the room he’s into, you flashed him a sad smile while he just stared at you getting out of the carriage, by then he knew, that maybe after tonight, he might lose you.

The slat was once again empty when the crows left it, only the deafening silence was left as well as Kaz’s breathing and your hand that is fidgeting with your left ring. The job was done, everything was at ease, and the barrel belonged to the bastard, so, why are you here?

“We need to talk.” 

Oh, right, Kaz. 

You looked at him, his bruised face was noticeable. He looked at you, your hands are covered in bruises and wounds that is new. He ought to seek the words he wants to say, things that’ll make Jordie’s voice drown in the pit of his conscience, or a word that’ll make you stay forever. But among all the words in the world that entered his mind, it seems like you found the one he need.

“Are you okay, Kaz?” His eyes met yours, and the echoing sound of a candle’s flame drifted into his mind as he saw the distance between you and him, one table apart. 

His office was filled with paintings and trophies he stole from the rooms of every building he find fascinating, and yet the most treasured thing that he do not own was you, that among the most beautiful items scattered in the room would be no equal to the fascination that Kaz gives to you.

A part of him wanted to say everything, every nightmare, every dream, every pain, everything that is about him, but he also wanted you to stay, by him, with him. But the armor he has betrayed every little thing that makes him a human, a man. 

“Don’t. It makes you dull.” Then, you recalled the moments earlier.

“The trick is not to love anything.” His shark eyes met Pekka’s desperate gaze. A little part of you felt brave but the whole part of you was betrayed. You looked at Nina as she heard your heart, and you looked at Jesper as he looked at Kaz. It pained you that when you felt like you were building Kaz, you were breaking him down into something, something you cannot see nor touch.

“Someone you'd sacrifice everything for and it makes you weak.” Then it hit you, Ketterdamn isn’t the place where the string of fate exists, you’d sacrifice everything for Kaz, all of them knew, except for him. Love is a weakness; you learned that the hard way. You fell for the man who you cannot touch, love, or even see. 

You love Kaz Brekker.

“Of course…Kaz, about what you said to Pekka, is it true? The trick?” His gaze lowered, and a sense of guilt woke the soul inside him. As he felt your eyes burning him. He couldn’t fight the right words or the actions he can take, but all he had was his walls and a pair of his broken armor. 

“Silence was never my forte, but please, tell me, those longing stares, those endless nights, those times…was that all the trick?” A shake. A shake in your voice was present. When did you become so emotional, Kaz wondered. He knew the answer because he felt the wave of emotion hit him too, harder that the punch and the bruise. 

“Love is weakness. It makes us weak—”

“I love you…” Then the world was silenced in the wake of your declaration, the sound of the storming sea was silenced in Kaz’s mind, the voices of Jordie were no longer near, and the water in his lungs was replaced by the enticing feeling in his stomach. “Does that make me weak?”

No. That was what he wanted to say, but all he did was to look at you with a shield in his eyes, that moment, he knew, he lost you.

The cold rushed down your head to your feet, you said those words and you read him wrong. Everything was wrong you were wrong. As you met Kaz’s reserved gaze, it took you to the night where you first met him, wishing that you should’ve killed him, perhaps he was right, the trick is not to love anything. 

But the only thing you heard was your footstep leaving the room, the slat, and leaving Kaz Brekker.

“No…It makes me.” He whispered under his breath.

That night, two crows understood something that love is awful, unfair, and unkind. 

That love is indeed and truly a weakness.

hehe. angst. haha, my forte.

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

#kaz brekker #kaz reitveld #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz x reader #kaz x you #kazzle dazzle #six of crows x reader #shadow and bones #shadow and bones s2 #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone x reader #trinity_archives #six of crows

[midnight-rain-fics]

All of the girls you loved before

{Fandom: Grishaverse}

{Pairing: Jesper x reader (platonic)} {Jesper x Wylan}

Summary: Reader is an old fling of Jesper’s and joins the crows on a job. Wylan is not amused as the reader and Jesper flirt and his mean side makes an appearance. Just fluff. That’s it.

“Every dead-end street led you straight to me

Now you're all I need, I'm so thankful for

All of the girls you loved before

But I love you more”

• From the moment you joined the crows on their latest heist, you could tell that Jesper’s boyfriend, Wylan was not your biggest fan

• You hadn’t really been on jobs for some time, what with you trying to be a better person

• For her

•because she deserved that and much more

• partaking in criminal activity wasn’t the benchmark for being a good person but Kaz was a friend and the pay was just too good to pass up

• Seeing Jesper, one of your old friends was just the cherry on top

• Jesper and you had been friends and then something more before you two broke up and you fell in love with someone else

• “well, well, well, if it isn’t the infamous Y/N L/N” Jesper had smirked as he swung an arm around your shoulder

• “looking good, Fahey”

• and that comment had probably been when Wylan first started glaring at you, his eyes narrowed as you and Jesper joked around until you both got reprimanded by Kaz.

• It turns out Wylan tended to be quite mean when he was jealous, something that had surprised the rest of the crows

• “You talk quite a lot, did anyone ever tell you that?”

• “I don’t think now is the time to joke”

• You had found his jealousy amusing and Jesper seemed to share the thought as he looked at Wylan with heart eyes

• Kaz had paired you, Jesper and Wylan together to search the merchant’s study while he and Inej stole the dekappel from his living room.

• “my fantasy threesome” Jesper had smirked, “of people to work with” he hastily added as Wylan’s glare turned from you to him.

• You leaned down as you rummaged through the drawer of the merchant’s table, looking for anything valuable.

• “isn’t this so much fun?” Jesper asked aloud as he looked at himself in the mirror and posed with his guns.

• “just like old times, Jes” You smirked inwardly as you heard Wylan huff in annoyance.

• You made a victorious noise as you finally found something of value and pulled a pearl necklace out of the drawer, “look at this beauty”

• “you like pearls?” Wylan asked, his eyes trained on you judgmentally, “I think they are quite tacky”

• Jesper let out a disbelieving chuckle as he looked at his boyfriend

• You looked at Wylan with a raised eyebrow, amusement clear in your eyes, “I am more of an emerald person but Linnea adores pearls”

• “Linnea?”

• A small smile broke out on your lips as you touched the pearls of the necklace, “Linnea Opjer, my girlfriend”

• “Oh”

• “yes, Oh”

• safe to say, Wylan felt quite embarrassed by his previous behavior. Jesper chose that moment to join the conversation, “and how is she nowadays?”

• You chuckled fondly, thinking of your girlfriend as you clutched the pearl necklace in your hand “still smart as a whip and pretty as these pearls”

• “which are not tacky, by the way, at all” Wylan said hurriedly as you pocketed the necklace.

• “good to know” you smiled at him. You hoped Linnea liked the necklace. Maybe one day you’ll get her a pearl ring too, asking her to be yours, forever. But for now, the necklace would suffice.

A/N: Did I intentionally make Linnea, Nikolai’s half sister, reader’s girlfriend? Yes, yes I did. I could totally write some headcanons for her if y’all want. She’s Nikolai’s half sister, which means she’s already iconic.

#wesper #wylan van eck x reader #jesper fahey x you #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey x y/n #six of crows x reader #Linnea opjer

[euphoniumpets]

NO MOURNERS, NO FUNERALS | CHAPTER TWO

Prompt: ''Run, run, that's all we ever do from our past but it will come back haunting us.'' You paused, staring into the brown eyes that you once had fallen in love with. ''Do you think it'll stop before we even die?''

Please don’t plagiarize my work - I spend a lot of my time writing, copying and pasting destroys that. 

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x heartrender! reader

Warnings: ptsd, trauma flashbacks, alcohol, violence, blood and gore.

Tag list: @athenasproverbs @natsgaygf @lyria-skyfall @crystallizedtime @xcharlottemikaelsonx @honeynicoole @motheroffae @queenofshinigamis @outlawqueen17 @wolfleah @natsgaygf

A/N: so glad that people liked this series! I hope y'all enjoy this as much as I am writing it. More canons with Kaz x reader will be coming further in the chapters! as well as the interaction between jesper and inej. please comment if i've forgotten to tag someone!

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten

You had spent enough time with Kaz Brekker to know the expected of unexpected. Dirtyhands was unpredictable at times, and no matter how long you had been with him, sometimes, it was hard to read him. You believed that his unpredictability only was reserved around you, you weren't sure, but that's what you belived, and you respected it that way.

You knew Kaz was also smart enough to read you, even when you kept a strong facade. Sometimes, you even forgot that the two of you were so alike. ''Whatever you do, is your choice, and you know that I'm with you until the end,'' You responded after a long silence after the fight with Inej. You knew the job was dangerous and it will cost of both of your lives to go through the Fold, and not to mention, Inej didn't had the freedom and still was stuck at the Mengarine.

''But don't take your anger out against others,'' You replied softy. Kaz leaned against the wall, after watching Inej storm out of the room, his gaze looking down. ''Inej is your responsibility,'' Kaz replied. ''You're the one who bought her,''

''Because I saw a potentional in her,'' You replied, stepping closer to him. ''And you should do it too,''

''I am,'' Kaz replied immediatly, making you roll your eyes. ''All I see is you turning your back against her,'' You remarked as he turned around to face you. ''Give her a chance,'' You begged him. You heard him sigh as he thought deeply before looking in your eyes. ''Fine,'' He replied.

''I'll give her a chance,'' Kaz replied, making you smile softly. It was now you noticed that he began to step closer to you. He was so close that you could feel his warmth breath coming closer and closer.

''Are you-''

''I'm sure, I want to try,'' He cuts you off with a whisper as his gaze was on your lips. He wants to be able to show his love for her by touch, sure, the small gestures of his adoration are enough to keep you close, but he feels as if it wasn't enough. You found it hard to breathe as he began to lean closer and then you felt it.

The soft pair of lips kissing your own.

-

''Why are you wearing his hat?'' Jesper asked you as the two of you approached him back in the Club. ''I look better in it,'' You remarked as he chuckled. ''You sure do, love,'' Jesper commented with a smirk as Kaz approached them.

''Jesper, stop flirting, we have a job,'' Kaz replied as Jesper looked at him. ''Why, jelous, boss?'' Jesper teased him, making Kaz glare at him in return. You felt Kaz grab his hat from your head as he pokes Jesper in the ribs with his cane.

You snorted toward Jesper. ''Ouch!'' Jesper exclaimed as Jesper gave you a look. The both of you noticed that Kaz is ahead of you, so the two of you tried to catch up. You stood next to Kaz while Jesper stood on your right as Inej falls into place quickly while they walks through the busy streets of Ketterdam.

They go meet a woman who owns a brothel. ''Tell us how to safetly cross the Fold,'' Kaz demanded her. ''The Fold? If I knew a passage through that, I'd be wealthier than the whole Merchant Council,'' The woman scoffed toward them.

''You told me you brought girls from Os Alta,'' Inej replied. ''The other side,'' She added. ''Yeah, the hard way, lost a few to those damn Volcras, too,'' The woman answered, making you shiver at the mention of Volcras.

They began to walk away from the woman. ''Well, that was a bust,'' You commented and looked at the rest of the group. ''I may know a guy,'' Jesper thought as they followed Jesper and walked through an alley.

You saw that he spotted his guy and kneeled to his level. ''I heard you had a trick to get through the Fold,'' Jesper replied. ''Nah, there's no trick to it except how it makes people disappear from time to time,'' The man replied and shook his head. ''I heard you bragging of a way to make a path,'' Jesper commented.

''I was taking Kruge from a tourist, a little lie, the Fold keeps those Ravkan bastards and their Grisha attack dogs in check, can you imagine how dangerous it would be if it wasn't there,'' The man replied. You sighed as the group made their way again.

''Well, that's a shame, again, any more ideas?'' You questioned and looked at Inej and Jesper. ''I heard a guy who traveled here, he may have answers.'' Inej replied as they walked to a ring fight to meet the guy that Inej was talking about.

''Just go around,'' One of them told them. ''It stretches all the way north to the Fjerdan border,'' Kaz replied. ''Ja, so, go to Fjerda, march through the permafrost,'' The man told them as you scoffed.

''And loose a finger, no thank you,'' You told him and shook your head.

''How long would that take?'' Kaz questioned him. ''From here? Four months, maybe five,'' The man replied. ''We don't have that much time,'' Kaz told him as you looked at the man throwing some punches. ''Either you take your time, or you take your chances,'' He told them before walking into the fight ring.

You saw Jesper as he signals for you to leave as you headed back to the crow club. The streets are still busy, crowded, and most dangerous, though, no one dared to mess with the bastard and his dregs. You slid in the seat next to Kaz, leaving him space enough to be comfortable.

''Here's what I don't get,'' Jesper began to speak as you looked at him.

''We're going to be here all night,'' Inej replied as she played with one of her knives as you snorted at her comment. ''Rude,'' Jesper spoke before he continued. ''Why haven't they tried going under it? Just dig a tunnel,'' Jesper said.

''Tried that, more centuries ago,'' You told them. ''Something heard them digging,'' Kaz added. ''It was made hundreds years ago by that crazy Grisha...'' Jesper began to trail off, making you stiff awkwardly for a moment.

''The Black Heretic,'' Inej corrected him. ''The one who controls the shadows, they've got one in their army now, General Kirigian?'' Jesper told them.

''Your point?'' You asked him. ''If one of his kind made it, can't he unmade it?''

''Saint's Jesper,'' You commented. ''Have you ever put a fire out by adding more fire?'' Inej asked him. ''Then what's the opposite?'' Jesper asked them.

''A sun summoner,'' You and Inej spoke in unison. ''Right, then, of course,''

''Doesn't exist,'' Kaz commented. ''Not yet, at least,'' Inej replied and looked at Kaz. You rolled your eyes, knowing that nothing will change Kaz's opinion. Granted, you don't believe in saints that much as Inej did, no saint was there for her when she was younger, so what made it any difference?

''Dressen comes into town, doesn't waste a minute, sends out for a crew to steal something but doesn't specify what, is it heavy? large? worth more than a million on the black market?'' Kaz questioned.

''Maybe he doesn't know?''

''We can't let this one go, Kaz,'' Inej told him. ''We all know that isn't happening, too much money to pass up,'' You replied and looked at Inej before looking at Kaz. ''Sounds like a trap anyways,'' Jesper filled in.

''A trap would sound easy, this is something else,'' Kaz told them as the corner of your eyes, you saw Rotty approaching you.

''Boss!'' He replied as they turned around to look at Rotty as soon he approached you at the table.

''We intercepted a note from Dreesen,''

-

Everyone at the tabe was on their edge of their seats, waiting patiently for more information. ''Did you, know?'' Kaz questioned and leaned onto his seat. ''It's for the owner of the Orchid, says they require the services of a heartrender, tonight,'' Rotty informed.

You and Kaz met each other's gaze before turning back to Rotty. ''A heartrender?'' You spoke with interest. ''Why?'' You questioned and arched an eyebrow. ''Doesn't say, just they need it before midnight,'' You looked over Kaz, and his gaze changed into a stern one.

He knew what you were asking by the look you gave him. Knowing that you're a Heartrender, you thought that you could step into the job, finding more information, but Kaz, being the protective over you, he woudn't let you.

Even he knew that you could take care of it. Nobody of the crew knew that you were a Grisha. Of course, it made you guilty, but you coudn't risk of putting yourself into danger. It wasn't that you didn't trust Inej and Jesper, you just couldn't bear of the reaction.

And talking about being a Grisha, if you and Kaz kept your secret well hidden, the two of you woud keep the secret that Jesper was one too. Even though, he wasn't at keen of hiding when shooting one of his guns and the crow pin he made to you for your birthday gift.

''You don't bring a heartrender uness you need an answer out of someone who isn't willing to talk,'' Kaz said. ''Wonder if it's for the person that Dressen brought in?''You questioned.

''That's how we get this job before anyone else,'' Kaz told you. ''Bring Dressen a heartrender,'' Kaz replied and looked at Rotty before he stood up from the tabe.

''Boss, just one problem, Pekka Rollins knows,'' Rotty said and looked at you and Kaz. You felt your stomach drop when you see Kaz's face harden, even though, his back faced at you. You knew that this wasn't going to end well when Pekka is going to be involved.

-

let me know what you thought? remember, blogging always helps!

#kaz brekker x reader #jesper fahey #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #inej gafha #six of crows #alina starkov #pekka rollins #zoya nazyalensky #the darkling #aleksander morovoza

[omgkatherine01]

Creatures of the Night: Chapter 9 - A Step To Find the Conductor

Series Masterlist

Chapter 8, Chapter 10

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x female reader

Please comment, like and share ❤

Time went by as you and Inej continued to sit on top of the roof, enjoying each other's company until you decided to get back inside to the bar where Jesper was, drinking his way with Joe, another bartender was serving.

"He doesn't have a way across the Fold, and we know it," Inej spoke after a long moment of silent.

"I bet he'll figure it out," Jesper said. He glanced from Inej, who stared forward with a clenched jaw, to you as you raised an eyebrow at him. "Come on, take that bet." You rolled your eyes, but scoffed with amusement. "Bolliger won't play with me anymore, so..."

"Wonder why," you said as Joe placed a two sets of glass with a drink in front of you.

"Thank you," Jesper said but before he could take one, you and Inej each took one, and drank.

Jesper frowned in horror at his loss drink and stared down at the glass when Inej placed it on the counter. "He's obsessed with taking down Pekka Rollins," she said.

"Of course he's obsessed with the one villain in town who's paid off the stadwatch to get away with murder," Jesper said and looked at Joe, "Thanks. Another one, Joe."

"No, it's more than that," you spoke up with a frown and shook your head. "I've seen the way Kaz looks when he says that man's name. Kaz wants revenge."

Inej nodded and glanced to a young man who approached you, and handed a paper to Inej. Inej took it and opened it. You glanced over to see what it was.

There was a symbol in the middle of the paper, and you recognized it as the same one Inej had on her wrist. She closed it and turned to you and Jesper.

"Of course she calls for me now," she said.

You frowned, "Wait, she calls you with that?" you asked and she nodded.

Jesper raised an eyebrow, "Off to the Menagerie? Want company?" You frowned at him and hit him on the chest. "Ow!"

Inej's lips twisted to almost a smile at that. "No," she said as Jesper looked from you to her as if he realized what his question sounded like.

"I meant--" he started but you cut in, "We could come with you. Have your back. I would love to see what I could do to her."

Inej now smiled a little, "Tempting. I'll hold into that, but for now, stay here with Jesper." You opened your mouth and she cut in softly as if she already knew what you want to ask, "I'll be fine."

You nodded lightly and she turned, making you and Jesper watch her leave. "I really didn't mean it like that," Jesper said quietly as you two turned to the bar.

"I know," you said with a nod, "So did she."

Jesper let out a sigh as he looked away and then frowned. You followed his gaze and saw Kaz walking quickly toward the both of you.

Both you and Jesper frowned at his state; His hair was no longer slicked back in a single dark wave; strands of hair hung over his forehead, tickling at his eyelids. His face had a sheen of sweat covering it and a bruise was beginning to blossom on the side of his temple.

"You all right, boss?" Jesper spoke first when he stood between you two.

Kaz immediately took the drink Joe placed for Jesper and drank it. Jesper gaped, his hand clamping over his mouth as he mourned the loss of yet another drink.

That made you smile a little in amusement and you placed a comforting hand on his back.

"No," Kaz answered. "I've been warned off the job."

"By who?" you asked, looking away from him and nodded to Joe for another.

Kaz glanced at you and away, "Pekka Rollins," he answered, glaring at the glass in his hand.

"Did he remember you?" Jesper asked, standing straight.

Kaz pulled out his pocket watch, "If he had, I'd be dead. Sunrise is in five hours." You looked at Joe and shook your head before turning to Kaz and Jesper as the boys stepped away from the bar.

You followed as Jesper asked, "Yeah, but we're off the job now, right?"

"Never make decisions out of fear, Jesper," Kaz said, "Only out of spite."

You raised an eyebrow and Jesper scoffed, smirking as he spoke, "Well, greed always worked for me."

"Says the man in debt," you said as you crossed your arms over your chest.

Jepser turned to you and frowned as if offended. "Am I wrong?" you asked teasingly.

"Go guard the door," Kaz spoke before Jesper could say anything. Jesper looked at Kaz and pouted before he turned and walked away.

Kaz glanced at you and noticed you have been glancing from his face to his hair. You looked away, missing his hand going to his hair and pushing it back.

You turned to him and stood by his side, following his eyes around the room. Your eyes stopped at an older woman who was counting a stack of Kruge in her wrinkled hands.

"Her." You glanced at Kaz to see he was speaking to you, noticing you have been watching the woman as well. "How long has she been here?"

"I noticed her coming for a week," you answered and glanced back at the woman. "You know, I haven't seen her play anything else besides cards."

Kaz paused at that as he stared at the woman. "Look at the way she is counting," he said and you did. "Now, look at the rest."

You scanned those who copied her actions. Every dealer, every person with more than a few notes of Kruger clutched between greedy fingers.

Kaz was waiting for your answer.

"The way she is counting?" you suggested softly.

Kaz nodded, "Each dealer has their own way of doing things, a step by step plan laid out that is repeated each and every night, be it at the same table or different. And the way this one is counting, is like the people who work the mines in Sikursk, back at East Ravka."

You raised an eyebrow, "I'm still learning."

"You have a lot to learn more," he said, "But so far, you fine. Go to the office, I'll be there in a minute."

You hesitated but let out a soft sigh and walked to the stairs that led to the second floor.

You walked up the stairs and walked into the second floor living room. You walked to Kaz's office and looked around.

The room was a little messy and you realized that it was because Pekka Rollins and his men. You frowned, how did they get in without us knowing? you thought.

You heard footsteps approaching and you turned to see Kaz walking in, followed by Bolliger pulling the woman in.

You frowned and looked between them. The woman noticed you and she froze for a split second before Bolliger pulled her to sit on the chair in front of Kaz's.

"I--I don't understand. I wasn't cheating."

Kaz lifted up the painting behind his desk to reveal a safe which he grabbed money from, "You've been here every night for a week. You don't play Makker's Wheel or Ratcatcher, only cards. Because you keep track of what's played."

"Well, that is not cheating," the poor woman insisted.

"No, but I'll have to add an extra deck to your table to keep things more balanced," Kaz said and slammed the Kruger on the table. "An incentive to keep playing. "An incentive to keep playing. Count it for me."

The woman hesitantly grabbed the money and began to count it. As she did, Kaz put the end of his cane on the hands, stopping her. "Where are you from?" he asked as you crossed your arms over your chest.

"West Ravka. Os Kervo."

You narrowed your eyes a little as you heard the nervous tone in her voice which she tried to hid.

She's lyinggg.

The eerie voice spoke in your mind.

"You're lying," you said softly, making them look at you.

Kaz quickly looked at the woman, speaking and making her look at him, "West Ravkans count money from one hand to the other, but people out East who work the mines in Sikursk, they count like you do."

The woman placed the money on the table and looked at him, "I am from West Ravka."

"West Ravkans don't mention the 'West' part," Kaz said, "To them, there's just Ravka and the old country. You're lying about where you're from because you've fled. You're hiding."

You noticed the woman's expression was breaking, her eyes turned red as tears slowly filled in. Your expression soften and you stepped forward. You kneeled down by her side and she looked at you as you gently took her hand in yours.

"You're not in trouble here, ma'am," you said softly, "We just want to ask, why? What happened?"

She swallowed and blinked her teary eyes and finally explained, "My daughter, is Grisha. Neither of us wanted her to fight in the war." She shook her head, "You can't make us go back."

You shook your head as you spoke softly, "No, no, we're not after you. I promise."

"But you need to tell us how you and your daughter got through the Fold unscathed and unnoticed," Kaz said. "Now."

The woman took a deep breath and looked at you, and then she explained, "He just went by a title. The Conductor. We paid him in advance and he took us across in some special transport. It was noisy, but he had us wear hoods, so we couldn't share how he does it. I don't know what else to tell you."

"Give me something," Kaz said, "A name. An address. A contact, someone he worked with."

"He left us with a stage performer who took us in for a few nights," the woman said.

"What's her name?" you asked softly and she looked at you, "Poppy."

Bolliger scoffed softly while Kaz rolled his eyes. "I take you you guys know her," you muttered as you watched their expression.

"Yes," Kaz answered and looked at Bolliger, "Where's Poppy working these days?"

"Emerald Palace, boss," Bolliger answered.

Kaz took a breath and sighed as you got up. He looked at the woman, "Go." Bolliger led the woman out of the room and you turned to Kaz.

"Kaz..." He lifted his head to look at you. You tilted your head lightly, "You remember what I said, right? I'm not leaving without Inej."

Kaz was quiet for a moment, "I remember. She'll come. I'll work on that."

You nodded slowly and swallowed before speaking softly after a moment, "So... who's Poppy?"

"I'm sure you'll find out when you meet them."

You raised an eyebrow as Kaz walked past you, pulling on his coat. "I see... Okay then..." You walked after him, "Oh, wait, my coat!"

You walked to your room and grabbed another pair of coat, since the one you had earlier was still with the Heartrender you snatched during the night.

You weren't expecting Kaz to wait for you, but he did. Waiting by the door. You looked at him surprised as you pulled on the coat and you followed him out.

-

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And that kids is, how I met your mother Chapter 2 - Labyrinth

It only feels this raw right now Lost in the labyrinth of my mind Break up, break free, break through, break down You would break your back to make me break a smile You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back Just like that

Uh oh, I'm falling in love Oh no, I'm falling in love again Oh, I'm falling in love I thought the plane was going down How'd you turn it right around

Summary: Nikolai Lantsov and you attend an extravagant and gorgeous ball. Nikolai falls for you harder head over heels but will you face the labyrinth of new feelings that begin to emerge?

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Reader, Nikolai Lantsov x Six of Crows Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky x Reader (Platonic), Nina Zenik x Reader (Platonic), Genya Safin x Reader (Platonic) 

Warnings: Pure tooth rotting fluff, angst and comfort, lots of humor, awesome friendships, unrequited love that might be requited, denial, pining, jealousy and slight violence.

A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first Nikolai Lantsov fic so I was very surprised and grateful for the love, support and kindness you all showered upon me! Thank you very much! Here is the Part 2 to this work and I hope you all like it. I don’t think it ends here, there’s a bit more to go but I’m excited! Let me know your thoughts and comments on my work because it means a lot to me! I love you all! Happy reading!

Chapter 1 - Until I Found Her 

Chapter 3 - Call it what you want

Chapter 4 - Someone to Stay

Chapter 5 - Cornelia Street

You looked at yourself in the gilded mirrors in the hallway of the palace, hearing the melodious notes of the orchestral grand music and the lively chatter of nobles behind the door you were about to enter. You looked at yourself inspecting Genya’s, Zoya’s and Nina’s work on you. You looked ethereal and dreamy, a princess out of a fairytale and yet the girls had not diminished the fierceness of spirit and your heart that kept on fighting for the ones you loved. You fidgeted with your beautiful dress grumbling but secretly feeling thrilled and happy to be wearing such a spectacular and dazzling dress that made you feel on top of the world. 

A snarky voice behind her said “Stop fidgeting with your dress!”

You nearly punched this person reflexively but Zoya was quick to catch your punch and gently lower your arm as she stood behind you with Genya and Nina who were the sparkling epitome of beauty. You were certain that Zoya, Genya and Nina were going to be the belles of the ball, the envy of every single princess in the party and admired by every single nobleman. 

They entered the ballroom as you felt apprehensive and nervous because - because what? You had been to many high society galas and balls as an undercover spy on missions for Kaz during your stay in Ketterdam. But this ball was different. This was a party where you had no purpose of enticing intel or being the distraction. The only purpose of this ball for you was to have fun and enjoy yourself which was a foreign concept to you. 

And also Nikolai, the King of Ravka, your friend would be here. 

Genya noticed your nervousness straightaway as she placed her arm around you comfortingly “You look magnificent, Y/N! Don’t be nervous, we’ll be keeping you company!”

“It’s true, you do look divine. Y/N, look at you all grown up and beautiful and going off to sweep the King of Ravka off his feet!” teased Nina playfully with a grin as Zoya tried to hide an amused smile but failed miserably as a wide smile curved on her face. 

You glared at the three girls who burst into laughter who seem to have fun teasing you about Nikolai’s infatuation with you as you rolled your eyes and Zoya joined in the fun “Nikolai likes you very much. He won’t know what hit him when he sees you, Y/N. He’s already like a lost puppy who follows you around.”

Genya eyed Zoya who slightly nodded with a smirk as Genya replied hopefully “Well, perhaps tonight you could get to know him a little better. You might even find yourself secretly interested him.”

You had to control yourself from strangling Genya in the middle of the ballroom because you and Nikolai were never going to happen as you replied sarcastically “I cannot think of any cleverer way to say this but... no!”

The girls laughed and Genya winked subtly at Zoya who added her fuel to the fire as she said “Well, Nikolai won’t have time for you. He’ll be too busy with important business.”

You generally wouldn’t have inquired but something in the way Zoya pronounced and implied that Nikolai would be busy with important business aroused your curiosity as you inquired “What do you mean?”

“He is the King of Ravka and he needs to find himself a suitable queen to secure Ravka. Tonight’s ball is about finding the perfect queen for Ravka among all the eligible girls here.” replied Zoya steely and firmly as she looked at Nikolai who was busy talking to ambassadors and then glanced at you who wore a thoughtful and quiet expression. “I suppose this is happy news to you. After all, he won’t be bothering you for long.”

It certainly was not a ball to find an eligible queen for Nikolai. Zoya and Genya had a bet with Nina about whether or not you would get together with Nikolai and Genya and Zoya who liked you and knew no one could resist Nikolai for long had bet that you would have feelings for Nikolai before you leave Ravka and get together later on. Zoya and Genya who didn’t want to lose the bet had found an excuse to host a ball on some Saint’s festival and both of them organized this ball of romance and beauty like a military campaign. Zoya and Genya had their fingers crossed as they observed you and Nikolai. If they were lucky, they would win the bet and tonight would be the night you would perhaps feel something more for Nikolai.

You felt a strange sense of odd hurt and slight pain sting you at the thought of Nikolai marrying another girl. You felt quiet bitterness and an aching hollow numb feeling ringing through you as you thought of the charming golden boy who was too good for this world, who smiled too brightly hiding his vulnerabilities and insecurities giving everything for a thankless country marrying a beautiful princess. You knew that you didn’t like him, you loved Kaz. You knew Nikolai had to do his duty and marry a princess for Ravka. But as you sipped your champagne, you didn’t feel easy at the thought of it and you felt horrible for feeling this way because you didn’t love Nikolai in a romantic way. 

Then why did you want to set something on fire? 

At that very moment, a Lord who you didn’t know interrupted your thoughts as he asked you to dance and you looked at Zoya and Genya who had vanished and Nina who was at the table munching on cakes with a laugh at your torture. You glared at those traitors wherever they were and you refused to dance with him. 

You made your way to the food table where Nina was indulging in the cakes as you glared at her “Traitor! I was in danger and you left me!”

“Lord Kirigan just asked you to dance.” said Zoya appearing out of nowhere with a grin. “It’s no big deal. It’s not torture in a locked dungeon.”

You punched her in the arm as she smirked and you smirked back “Well, I refused and suggested that he should ask you. And, he seemed to agree greatly to that idea.”

You smirked in amusement as Zoya grew slightly pale as she saw Kirigan approach her with an enthusiastic wide lovestruck smile and you grinned at Zoya with a teasing twinkle in your eyes “It’s no big deal, Zoya. It’s not torture in a locked dungeon.”

“Saints! If he asks, I have left the country with no plans of coming back!” exclaimed Zoya who glared at you fiercely as she disappeared quickly through the crowd avoiding Kirigan’s advances while Nina and you laughed in amusement. 

Both of you stopped laughing when Kirigan inquired after Zoya and Nina decided to have mercy on Zoya as she drawled sweetly “Zoya died eighteen years ago. I haven’t seen her since the funeral.”

After getting rid of Kirigan, you and Nina enjoyed the champagne and the delightful food while gossiping in amusement and mingling with the crowd. It was different from your missions where you always had to be alert and ready for trouble beneath your charming demeanor. You began to enjoy the party as you were introduced to new people who you liked and chatted charmingly

But you felt Nikolai’s gaze burning into you the moment you had entered. From the moment you had entered to every step you took, you could feel his intense and heated gaze following you with such burning desire that you refused to meet his eyes for the fear of drowning in them. It was such a beautiful and foreign sensation, to have someone so conscious of every little thing you did and adore and worship it. You knew that it couldn’t be possible. After all tonight was about finding the perfect queen for Nikolai and you weren’t simply interested in him and unsuitable for such a position. You were glad for Nikolai but something didn’t feel right within you. 

But your thoughts were still of Kaz Brekker even though Nina had bought you here to forget him. The distance between both of you only made it worse for you as you thought of whether Kaz missed you as much as you missed him and wondered whether he thought of you like you thought of him whenever you saw everything that called out his name to you. This heartbreak felt eternal as it killed you over and over again and sometimes you found yourself looking over to tell Kaz something enthusiastically but realized that he was no longer there, no longer part of your life. 

It felt cruel to suffer like this. Only love could hurt like this. And you never wanted to feel like this again. You wanted this distance to knock some sense into Kaz and make him realize that you were the one he loved. But it had been weeks and there was no word from him. No letters from him. You hadn’t expected Kaz to turn up at Ravka and make a grand romantic gesture but you would be lying if you hadn’t expected at least a letter inquiring about you. You felt burning pain and hurt as tears sprung into your eyes at the thought of the Bastard of Barrel who still managed to haunt you and ruin your happiness even in his absence. 

You were chatting with your new friend Princess Ameera who was kind and nice as you both chewed on the sweet cupcakes when suddenly you were interrupted by a gentleman you asked you “Miss Y/L/N, will you do me the honor of dancing with me?”

You looked around for Ameera who had conveniently ducked behind a potted plant and you looked at the gentleman who certainly did not match up to Nikolai’s aristocratic charm and handsomeness. 

And hell, why in the name of Saints were you suddenly thinking of him?

“No.” you replied bluntly and you were certain the potted plant laughed out loud.

The gentleman looked offended as he turned red and marched away. You were glad because now maybe your horrible behavior toward the gentleman would spread and you wouldn’t be asked to dance by men who didn’t know how to dance. 

Ameera emerged, her face red in laughter “You are splendid!”

Ameera and you laughed but your joy was short lived when a line of military officers and noble gentlemen queued to ask your hand for a dance but you brutally turned them down. You had anticipated this as one of the outcomes but it frustrated you that these men who thought themselves as intelligent didn’t understand the meaning of no. One after another you refused to dance with them simply because you didn’t feel like they would be a good dancer. 

Now you were turning down a Colonel who had thought you were an interesting woman who could be won for a dance as he made conversation with you “I must admit, Miss Y/L/N, I have admired you from afar for some time. You caught my eye the very first moment I saw you.”

For the love of all the Saints, did this man have nothing original in his pocket. You rolled your eyes not noticing Nikolai look at you in observant amusement as you retorted “Why on earth would I catch your eye? Your eyeballs look in perfect place to me. I’m not in habit of catching eyes, let me assure that. I’m more of a catching decapitated heads lady.”

You took pleasure in seeing the life drain out of his face in fear but he tried a different tactic “May I have the -”

You immediately replied wanting to get this over with “No, you may not dance with me. Why don’t you go find another partner who actually wants to dance with you? Goodbye.”

You heaved a sigh of gratitude and Ameera who had been witnessing this grinned “I wish I could refuse men the way you do. It is a wonder to witness.”

Your eyes involuntarily skipped toward Nikolai who was surrounded by a gaggle of beautiful princesses and pretty ladies as he flashed his charming smile and said something that made them laugh. You felt something quite fierce and protective in your heart at the sight as you bit fiercely into your macaroon. 

Ameera smiled knowingly as she eyed you glaring at Nikolai who was popular among the ladies as she queried politely “You admire King Nikolai Lantsov?”

“No!” you denied immediately and fiercely, shocked at the very thought as you swallowed your food and smiled tightly thinking of Nikolai surrounded by all those beautiful princesses and yet the fact he hadn’t paid a single ounce of attention to you stung you “We are friends.”

“I hear he is a good man and a great king with wise plans for change.” replied Ameera conversationally. 

“Well, if you want to dance with him, you will have to wait. There is quite a long line of admirers.” you replied sarcastically and snarkily as you bit into your macaroon again glaring at a princess who touched Nikolai’s shoulder flirtily with a coy smile to which he responded with a charming grin. 

“Yes, you are right. I must not lose my chance. It was a pleasure meeting you, Miss Y/N Y/LN.” said Ameera sincerely as she nodded at you kindly and sweetly and left to meet Nikolai. 

You watched Princess Ameera approach Nikolai and you saw her pointing toward you with a kind smile saying to Nikolai that you had suggested she should dance with him and Nikolai raised his eyebrows at you and you immediately looked away stuffing your mouth with two macaroons. 

As you occupied yourself with observing people and eavesdropping shamelessly at their scandalous conversations and eating the amazing sweets, you found your thoughts wandering toward Kaz Brekker, wishing that he was here with you. Their last mission had been a grand party like this where they had played the role of a married couple, where Kaz had been absolutely devoted and loving toward you with burning desire and affection in his eyes only for you as it all felt beautiful and too good to be true. Then the clock had struck midnight and the fairytale had ended with Kaz Brekker breaking your heart cruelly, tearing you apart with his cold words that made you realize you were a fool for him while he had been enjoying playing the game to achieve his goals. 

Your hand flew toward the simple silver necklace that had a gold ring hanging from it. The ring was stunning and simple with a charm of the silhouette of a Crow engraved on it and the letter R carved into it. It was the ring he had gifted to you with an involuntary soft smile for your mission as a fake couple because he wanted you to keep and wear it. He had placed the ring on your finger with a soft glint in his eyes as he smoothed your palm with his hand and briefly and softly kissed the your hand. It had been intimate and affectionate, exactly like a real proposal between two lovers who wanted to spend a lifetime with each other. This ring was special to you because it gave you hope that you were his and he wanted it that way. 

It felt all too much for you, you were suffocating and you couldn’t breathe as you rushed out of the ballroom to find fresh air and peace as tears sprung into your eyes and your heart ached cruelly tearing you into pieces. You didn’t know where you were, all you knew was you were sitting on the floor as you heaved heavy breaths trying to calm yourself down. 

You heard someone sit next to you and Zoya’s calm and collected voice echoed toward you “Hello you.”

You didn’t reply engulfed in your sorrow and heartbreak and Zoya who had seen you run away out of the ballroom wanted to check up on you. Zoya had seen Nikolai who had been in the middle of negotiations with an ambassador look at you in concern and desperation as he tried to excuse himself to check up on you but the ambassador seemed steadfast on keeping a grip on the King of Ravka. 

Zoya wanted to know why you looked so pale as she said offering a bottle of brandy “Why did you leave the party?”

You took a gulp of brandy and then a deep breath as you replied in a voice trembling with grief and hurt “It reminded me of.... a person. This enigmatic person who I let get into my head. Trust me, he doesn’t leave.”

Zoya knew who exactly you were talking about as she looked over at you because she had experience with enigmatic people and the aftermath of dealing with the grief of losing them and how they let you down so easily as she queried, taking the bottle of brandy from you “This enigmatic person of yours... is your what exactly?”

You were taken aback by the question as you pondered over it and replied quietly “He’s... he’s not my anything.”

“Oh, you mean you are just friends.” replied Zoya easily in understanding as she nursed the comforting thought of throwing Kaz Brekker into a canal the next time she met him as she drank the brandy. 

“Yes, we’re just friends.” you said quickly, too quickly for it to be true as the lie felt bitter on your tongue. You took the bottle of brandy to your lips and the memories of Kaz Brekker, his little soft smile reserved for you until he had become cold and cruel breaking your heart into a million pieces flashed through your mind as you breathed in “Not even friends... not anymore. He’s not the man I thought he was and I hate that.”

“Oh, he was wrong, cruel, mean, underhanded, thoughtless, heartless and arrogant beyond belief.” summed Zoya understanding exactly how you felt because when she had heard of the Darkling’s atrocious act, she had been shaken in pain and disbelief because that was not the man who she had known and cared for. Zoya remembered questioning why the Darkling had become that way and how she could have fallen for his act. “He betrayed you and everything you stood for.”

“Exactly!” you stated looking at Zoya who was drinking the brandy who had summed up your feelings about Kaz Brekker excellently.

Zoya looked at you with a determined glint in her eyes “So are you saying goodbye and ending it? Why are you crying over him instead of enjoying the party in there?”

“I came to Ravka to distance myself from him. I can’t just say goodbye and end everything on a slammed door.” you replied seriously, your eyes widened as a hollow and numb pit began to form at the idea of just leaving Kaz Brekker without a word. The thought of leaving Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel even if he was the boy who broke your heart, was incredibly strange and daunting. You could never think of leaving him because... because who would you be without him? Kaz Brekker for all his faults and flaws was the person who had seen your set of skills and given you purpose in life. 

“Yes you can! Anyone can do it! People do it all the time.” exclaimed Zoya honestly and sharply as she watched you drink thoughtfully and nudged you as she raised her eyebrows knowingly “Except of course... when they can’t.”

“Life would be so much simpler if we liked the right people. The people we are supposed to like.” said Zoya contemplatively and quietly thinking of her past with the Darkling as you lay your head on her shoulder glad to have a strong soul who understood you. You felt your breath quicken at Zoya’s words as you thought of Nikolai and Kaz, how vastly different they were and your eyes grew misty “But I suppose then, there wouldn’t be fairytales.”

Fairytales. What a nice and simple word for a fantasy that didn’t exist. In Ketterdam, there was no room for fairytales and yet you were a believer in happily ever after and dreamed of having your own fairytale once you met Kaz Brekker. That was your mistake. You should never have dreamed. You should have never believed that you were someone who deserved to find happiness and true love. Those were purely reserved for good heroes who triumphed in stories. 

You replied curtly “I grew up out of fairytales.”

“So did I. I suppose we have something more in common.” said Zoya smiling fondly at you and then got up as she held out her hand to you with a sisterly expression “This enigmatic person of yours... would you trade them for reliable and dull?”

“My person’s a bit different.” you replied with a knowing smile as you thought of Kaz who was dark and mysterious, full of secrets and schemes.

Zoya grinned as she flung an arm around you “Come on, dry your eyes. Don’t waste a second thinking about him. That’s what he wants, to ruin everything you have but don’t give him the satisfaction of letting him get in the way of enjoying your life.”

“And maybe one day... you can end it on a slammed door and trade him for kind and charming.” advised Zoya with a motherly smile as she leaned her head against yours comfortingly raising the bottle of brandy to your good health making you giggle a little. 

“Alright then, my plan for tonight is to get fucked up beyond recognition!” you replied merrily as you took the bottle of the brandy and took a gulp from it while Zoya grinned in approval and cheered for you.

Both of you made it to the ballroom laughing and talking when Kirigan cornered Zoya who looked like she was ready for battle and you pitied the poor fellow. Zoya was slowly becoming like a sister to you and you admired her fierce and strong composure. But as Zoya battled Kirigan fiercely in his attempts to woo her, your eyes flicked toward a few gentlemen who were near you and near the hearing range of Nikolai. 

You grew curious as you edged a little closer to them with a wine glass in your hand and you heard one of the gentleman, his voice full of glee and juicy gossip as he exclaimed “You haven’t heard?”

Heard what? Spill the tea, good fellow because your ears were open.

Your instincts as a spy were activated as you kept your ears open while you smiled encouragingly at Kirigan who was chatting Zoya who looked like she was battling an army of volcra and you observed the company. It was the Duke Romanov, a few prominent Lords you recognized and a wealthy merchant. 

You pretended to be clueless but really you were sipping on your glass of wine as you listened to their chatter as Duke Romanov said in a drawn out voice that aroused curiosity “King Nikolai is the finest king we have ever had the good fortune to have! I do have a shocking piece of information I need to share regarding him but I cannot do so because I cannot taint my reputation by becoming known as a gossip.”

You rolled your eyes because honestly when men said women were the gossips, it amused you. Men were worse than women when it came to gossiping.

You could practically see Lord Radimov salivating as he said “Yes. You have something of importance, Duke?”

You carefully stepped toward them hiding among the crowd as another girl who had eyes out for an eligible suitor, unnoticeable and invisible to them curious to hear what Duke Romanov who was famous for being a gossip with plenty of juicy stories and wicked rumors to share. You had heard that he had argument with Nikolai regarding one of Nikolai’s reforms of integrating Grisha and non - Grisha for unity because the Duke believed taxing the poor and building useless infrastructure was a better reform.

“I cannot say, my dear gentlemen.” said Duke Romanov grandly to the company “It is merely a rumor and I would never dream of slandering our great King’s character.”

You were amazed at people’s ability to lie so casually and carelessly as you listened to the present company reassure him “We will not tell anyone.”

Lord Devington nodded solemnly “You know us, Duke. We are not men who spread untruths. We would never dream of it.”

It was really amazing as you hid an amused grin at these gentlemen being scandalous gossips waiting impatiently for the Duke to spill whatever scandalous story he was withholding about Nikolai. You wondered whether it was about his wild youth or days in the army. Whatever it was, it seemed shocking to the Duke who you had classified information on. You had information on nearly everyone in the court. You were a spy first and foremost and your instincts sought for information you could use and indulge in. You couldn’t turn it off just because you were on holiday. 

Duke Romanov gave in with a dramatic sigh as he said in a sincere voice that you almost believed “Well alright, but only if you promise not to repeat a word of it.”

Lord Justinbury repeated “We promise. Does it have something to do with his days before he became King?”

Now your ears were wide open as you felt curiosity as you breathed in while the Duke smiled indulgently and said nastily in a low voice you could hear after years of practice as a spy “That’s exactly it, Lord Justinbury. The shocking part is... that before he became king, he prided himself on being a pirate among scumbags and thieves. Called himself Sturmhond.”

Oh dear! He actually cared about getting out of the bubble of royalty and mixing with commoners! How scandalous!

You grinned involuntarily as you thought of the tales of Sturmhond you had heard and your grin grew wider at the thought of Nikolai pretending to be a privateer in the seas as he worked among common folk and thugs. Well, well, how very naughty of Nikolai, breaking all the traditions of the upperclass Ravka. This just made you like him more. 

One gentleman exclaimed “Heavens! The fact that our King has degraded himself so -”

“Rubbing shoulders with terrifying thieves and common folk! That’s hardly a behavior suitable for a King!” exclaimed one of the other Lords while you held back screeches of amused laughter at how dramatic these men were. 

Duke Romanov was not done with his story yet as he added with glee “And he has worked for a living sailing all around the world and making friends with thieves in an awful place in Kerch!”

“Oh my - dear Duke Romanov, you don’t mean to tell me our beloved King has mingled with low scumbags - from what’s that terrible, awful, terrifying place of hell -”

“Ketterdam.” another gentleman supplied helpfully.

Yeah, sounded about right. If there was a hell on earth with every evil, terrible, awful thing that the Pandora’s box unleashed, it was Ketterdam itself ruled by the Bastard of the Barrel who was worse than the devil.

“They do not have a proper system of governance like us, do they?” asked another gentleman scandalized at the very thought of no king ruling Ketterdam.

You suppressed a snort of laughter as you replied in your head sarcastically “Worse. They have Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands. If you ever visit Ketterdam, make certain to get on his bad side and he will welcome you warmly.”

Duke Romanov was enjoying the effect his story had on his friends as he whispered conspiratorially in a shocked voice “That’s not even the shocking part!”

Lord Seisthorne replied wide eyed “My dear Duke, what could be more shocking than your revelations this evening?”

Oh you thought that was a bold question for Lord Seisthorne to ask considering the juicy information who were holding in your head regarding him. 

Lord Justinbury queried innocently “Does it have something to do with how quickly he inherited the throne?”

“That’s exactly the most shocking part. Isn’t it suspicious how after a long time he suddenly took interest in the throne and worked very hard for it?” asked Duke Romanov delightfully as he exclaimed with a grin “I have heard from a reliable source our King is a Fjerdan born bastard who has no right to sit on the throne!” 

You froze in shock. It was apparent Nikolai had heard it and you weren’t the only one who froze in shock. Zoya and Kirigan who were arguing had also stopped in shock as they looked over at Nikolai protectively and loyally and glared daggers at the gossiping Duke.

You had heard whispers but you didn’t want to believe it unless it came from Nikolai. And as you looked over at Nikolai, it was absolutely clear to you that he had heard it. Nikolai looked charming and undisturbed as he sipped on his drink and yet as you looked closer you saw his shoulders stiffen tensely, his happy hazel eyes flicker with pain and betrayal and his charming smile unnoticeably slightly waver at the corners of his mouth. 

It was as if he was used to it. 

Oh hell no. Hell no! No way you were allowing this gossiping Duke to strip your Prince of his arrogance and pride. Yes, you thought of Nikolai as ridiculous, proud and charming but that was his armor. No one had the right to strip away his armor, take away his pride and hurt him. You would not let anyone do that. 

Alright, so now the fun was going to start. 

Before anyone could stop you, you had marched to Duke Romanov with a charming smile “Duke Romanov! It’s time for our dance!”

Duke Romanov who had not been introduced to you looked at you skeptically “Do we know each other, Miss...”

“Oh believe me, you have not had that pleasure yet. But I believe we can change that for the dance floor calls!” you exclaimed with a delighted smile plastered on your face as you took his hand with a wink and he let himself guide you to the dance floor confused yet fine with what was happening. 

The dance began as the confused Duke guided you across the dance floor and he looked at you in confusion but his confusion melted away to awe when you flashed your sweet smile at him unaware that Nikolai was gripping his wine glass very tightly burning a hole into the Duke’s head as you said pleasantly “Duke Romanov, I understand you are not happy with King Nikolai Lantsov.”

“Who are you?” asked the Duke, his smile fading slightly.

“None of your business.” you said with a charming and sassy smile as you pressed yourself closer to him and felt satisfied when the Duke groaned in pain as you pressed a butter knife you had picked from the table. You smiled brightly as you raised your eyebrows and pressed the knife into his torso “Keep smiling brightly and dancing.”

“Just so we are clear, this is pressed into your brachial artery. Keep smiling, sweetheart.” you crooned sweetly and charmingly with a delightful smile on your face as you danced with him unaware that Nikolai was curiously looking at you who looked far too happy to be dancing with a pompous Duke who seemed like he was trying his best to smile. 

“Once you start to bleed, you will start to lose consciousness and then you will die soon unless someone comes to aid.” you said calmly and politely smiling widely at the Duke pressing the knife harder making him groan in absolute pain “Now given your recent magnificent behavior at this party... how likely do you think that anyone is going to rescue you?”

The Duke’s eyes bulged out of his head in shock as he looked at you with absolute pain and you felt pleasure at him suffering at your hands while you danced with him to the music. 

“To prevent this entirely blessed and wonderful incident from happening, I recommend you should keep your mouth shut about any distasteful rumors regarding King Nikolai Lantsov from now on and take back what you have said to your noble friends.” you said politely and sweetly but your eyes were steely and cool with the promise of danger if he did not agree with your demands “From now on, I’m keeping my eye on you and calling the shots. Don’t ever mock and threaten the King again. Got it?”

“Got it. Really got it.” groaned the Duke who was suffering true pain at your hands, regretting every word that he had uttered. 

“Good. Oh and one more thing. I suspect you want our King dethroned so I’ll be watching your every move. One wrong move, one wrong relationship and the King will be the least of your problems. Don’t smile at this because I am not joking. I have friends who will be glad to take out your eyeballs and hang you down a bridge subjecting you torture if you don’t do as I command.” you whispered softly but it was poison and danger, a promise of death if Duke Romanov didn’t comply as he realized you were serious and he grew frightened of you “If you want your reputation to be untarnished and live a long life, swear and pledge your loyalty only to King Nikolai Lantsov and agree to each and every one of his reforms and commands.”

“Do we have an agreement?” you queried with a kind and sweet smile that only an innocent angel would wear as you pressed the knife deeply into his torso. 

“Yeah! I promise on my mother’s grave!” exclaimed Duke Romanov who was now growing pale and starting to look slightly dizzy. 

“Wonderful. The deal is the deal. Oh, and I suggest you confess what you said to the King privately right now and apologize to him unless you are looking for a much painful punishment from me.” you replied with a gracious and angelic smile pressing the knife harder and deeper into the torso as the Duke moaned in suffering and agony. 

“Spectacular. Thanks for the dance, darling. We should do it again sometime.” you said charmingly with a laugh, your eyes glinting with dark and malicious intentions as you kissed the Duke’s cheek and took your knife away hiding it from sight letting the Duke breath as he wore a horrified and terrified expression at the thought of meeting you again.

You grinned as you sashayed away from the Duke who was gulping in air and you raised an eyebrow at him. He immediately almost ran toward Nikolai clutching his stomach as he said something to Nikolai who looked confused but granted him a private audience as they went to another room. You followed them discreetly and pressed your ear to the door as you listened to the Duke confessed what he had done and apologize profusely to Nikolai who responded with icy silence and then granted forgiveness in a cold charming manner that had a veiled threat in it as the two men started to talk politics and negotiations. You slipped away quietly back to the party with a satisfied and happy grin on your face because this party was not quite bad because it had been fun.

Kaz would have been proud of you. Your smile slightly faltered at the thought of him and your happiness seemed a bit dull. 

Before you could dwell on Kaz, you saw Nikolai striding toward the ballroom with a staggering Duke who looked terrified when you shot him a cold glare. Your eyes were on Nikolai, his golden hair like an angelic halo and his hazel eyes warm and bright like a fire, looking every inch of the King he was meant to be. You didn’t care whether he was a bastard. He cared about people and about his country. That was enough for you. 

You saw slight exhaustion creep into Nikolai’s eyes at seeing a gang of ladies approach him as he seemed to force a charming smile. You didn’t know what came over you but the next thing you knew, you had marched toward Nikolai and dragged him away from those vultures who wanted him all to themselves. 

Nikolai was completely surprised “What on -”

One of the ladies simpered in displeasure “Hey, we were just going to talk to -

“Your Highness, you have impeccable timing, I was just looking for you! We do not have time for flirtations, there’s an urgent situation requires your attention.” you exclaimed with a bright smile as you took his hand and dragged him through the ballroom “Follow my lead.”

Nikolai replied playfully with a bright grin “With pleasure. I love the view.”

You rolled your eyes at him not seeing Zoya and Genya throw each other gleeful looks while you took Nikolai out to the gardens and let go of his hand as he queried curiously “What is the urgent situation? Has your favorite plant died?”

You rolled your eyes at him amusing him “I thought you might need rescuing since you seemed to be tired from being charming.”

“You think I’m charming?”

“Really? That’s all you hear?”

Nikolai grinned widely as he stepped toward you with a sincere and teasing glint in his hazel eyes as he murmured “Just admit you wanted to be with me alone for tonight.”

You felt something erupt in your heart as your cheeks blossomed with warmth “You are the most - most ridiculous, proud, thick - headed prat I’ve ever met!”

“You’re not denying it.” replied Nikolai playfully enjoying riling you up because your fierce scowl and fiery spark in your eyes enchanted him. 

“Fine. I deny that I wanted to be alone with you.” you snapped in exasperation as you felt something bitter sting you as you averted your eyes away from Nikolai “Go, shoo! Go away and be with the beautiful princesses who would make perfect queen for Ravka!”

Nikolai smiled slightly as he realized that perhaps you were jealous but he thought it best not to bring it up as he replied gently “But they mean nothing to me because I have eyes only for the most divine goddess who is standing in front of me.”

You blushed as you felt Nikolai stare at you intensely with burning desire and reverence. Nikolai had been waiting for you to enter the party and when you had arrived, he was struck breathless and enchanted by you. You were always beautiful and lovely but tonight you were a magical goddess who had stepped out of his dreams who drove him crazy. Nikolai had wanted to go talk to you immediately and dance with you all night but the business of protecting Ravka and keeping its interests afloat came first as he made conversation with ambassadors, diplomats, noblemen and ladies charming them and ensuring their loyalty to Ravka. 

Nikolai could not stop staring at you all night because you had bewitched his heart as he stared at you smiling brightly dressed in an off the shoulder rosy pink floaty and soft ball gown with long sleeves embroidered with glittering magical and colorful flowers. Your hair was braided sweetly with lovely waves of it curling down your shoulder, pretty pink and white flowers and purple butterflies tucked into it. You were the most beautiful, divine, magical creature Nikolai’s eyes had ever seen and if he had to define beauty, it was the very sight of you that made his heart soar in joy and gladness. 

All Nikolai wanted to do was to dance with you but he was crowded with people who wanted to talk to him and he observed you had a long line of admirers who you refused sharply amusing Nikolai at the sight of brave officers and noblemen being turned down by you and the rumors of you being a conceited little madam. He knew you weren’t conceited, you were just waiting for the right partner. 

And Duke Romanov... that had been bizarre. At first he had been completely jealous that you had made the first move and asked Duke Romanov of all people to dance with you but as the dance progressed, he noticed the odd relationship between the both of you. Later, after the dance, the Duke had been gasping for breath as he nursed slight wound on his torso that Nikolai pretended to ignore as he apologized to Nikolai and swore his loyalty to him.

Nikolai suspected that you had something to do with the sudden change of heart Duke Romanov had. 

“I had a strange conversation with the Duke Romanov.” began Nikolai nonchalantly and casually as he looked at you and observed a slight amused flicker in your eyes but you kept a deadpanned expression excellently. 

“Oh?”

“He apologized for disagreeing with all my reforms and believed that I was the King Ravka needed and deserved. So many flattering and kind things said and I wonder what made him change his heart about me.” said Nikolai casually as he kept a watchful eye on you seeing your lips slightly twitch but you wore a casual and deadpanned expression as if you had never heard of the Duke Romanov before. 

“Ah, well. Maybe the Duke had a change of heart.” you said cheerfully with a careless grin surprising Nikolai at how well you were hiding it. 

“It’s the strangest thing that a Duke who has disliked me for a long time suddenly had a change of heart after the dance with you.” stated Nikolai calmly determined to coax the truth out of you. “I could have sworn he was holding his stomach with great pain.”

You paused for a moment and then looked at Nikolai innocently “Perhaps he had a stomach ache? Maybe he had too many lemon pies? Eating too many lemon pies always give me a stomach ache -”

“So you didn’t threaten him?” retorted Nikolai exasperated and amused by your lively chatter. 

“How dare you accuse a lady of such scandalous acts, Your Majesty! You are disgrace!” you exclaimed dramatically as you placed your hand on your chest and fanned yourself with another hand pretending to almost faint making Nikolai laugh in amusement. “I am just an innocent lady who does not even know the dark ways of the world.”

“I’d be tempted to believe you if you weren’t part of the most feared gang in Ketterdam... the Crows.” retorted Nikolai with an easygoing grin as his eyes twinkled in joy. 

You decided to drop the act and put your hands up in surrender as you drawled carelessly turning from damsel to a survivor “Fine. I may have danced with him and... offered him a deal that was too good to resist.”

Nikolai raised his eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes “The deal was he gets to shut his mouth about you and I get to keep my knife away from his major arteries.”

Nikolai’s jaw dropped in shock at the thought of you actually threatening Duke Romanov for protecting Nikolai as his eyes widened in amazement “Why did you do that?”

“I was bored at this party and I wanted to have some fun.” you replied carelessly and nonchalantly as you looked away from Nikolai who felt disappointed and hurt as he looked away from you because how could he ever think he could be special to you?

“And because... because you’re my friend and I don’t want to see you hurt.” you whispered softly and gently with a kind and shy look in your eyes after a long moment of silence as you gazed at him earnestly, a warm protective feeling blooming in your heart.

Nikolai’s eyes widened in wonder and surprise because he was shocked that you cared so much him to do such a dangerous and chivalrous deed to protect his honor and reputation as he suddenly felt breathless and warmth spread across his cheeks as he replied after a long moment “I... you... thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me but...”

Nikolai was speechless trying to find the right words to articulate how he truly felt about you in that moment but words failed him as you smiled softly at him “I know you don’t have to answer to me... but is it true?”

Nikolai halted, his breath hitching because he had thought you heard the rumors surrounding him and believed them. He had not expected you to gently ask about him greatest shame that he hid, waiting for him to tell you the truth from his own lips instead of believing the liars and clowns making noise. 

It was hard to confide this vulnerable insecurity that had defined so much of himself in his life to you who he adored and worshiped. Because you were so wonderful and kind and deserved someone so much better than a bastard who hid his truth and worked so hard to be loved by wearing different masks. 

And yet, as he stood feeling your calming and gentle presence in this moonlit garden, he felt exposed and vulnerable, shy and terrified to let his guard down to the one person who might understand him. 

But the world has lied to you enough... you deserved the truth. 

“Yes. It’s the truth.” the words slipped softly, in a semblance of a whisper as he looked away from you feeling shame and insecurities as he heard Vasily laughing, Nikolai Nothing. “Born a bastard by a Fjerdan sailor and a Ravkan queen who was neglected by her husband in wedlock. It’s who I am, Y/N.”

His voice cracked, broken and hurt seeping through it as he felt the words he left unspoken vibrate in the air “It’s who I have always been no matter how good of a show I put up.”

“Now you know that I am not who I am... you are free to decide what you should do.” said Nikolai quietly, his voice solemn but a hint of pain and hurt seeped through it as he squared his shoulders just like a soldier bravely would before stepping into a battle of bullets. 

The silence seemed to stretch for a long moment and Nikolai realized that you must have left him. Of course, that was the wisest course of action. Nikolai felt his heart sink into a deep, cold, dark pool of self - loathing and heartbreak as he realized you hated and were disgusted by who he was. Who could blame you? Who would want an unlovable bastard, a nothing who pretended to be somebody to befriend and love?

But he was surprised when your arms wrapped around his waist hugging him tightly as you stood on your tiptoes behind him, your chin resting on his shoulders as he felt the curve of your lips tug into a small smile, your voice full of warmth, gentleness and reassurance “Don’t be silly, Nikolai. I’m not going anywhere.”

Nikolai felt time stop as he realized you were still here, still with him and had chosen the real and true him as a lump of emotion swelled in his throat as you said lightly “I happen to like you very much just the way you are, you ridiculous boy.”

Nikolai smiled involuntarily as he felt warm and loved without any strings attached as he closed his eyes and placed his hands on top of your hands that were wrapped around his waist, pulling him into a tight hug as he felt happiness erupt in his stomach “Y/N... you know this means, I’m not nobility. Not really.”

Nikolai knew he had to face you as he turned around to look at you. You were stunning, kindness and thoughtfulness etched on your face as you stared at him softly with an open heart. He couldn’t understand why you had not left him here all alone. Nikolai didn’t understand why you had seen the real him and still stayed with him, embracing him warmly with a light hearted and reassuring words that made him feel that nothing was going to change how you felt about him no matter his insecurities and truths that were revealed. 

People always left. Why weren’t you leaving?

“Nobility is not defined by our family lines. It’s defined by our actions and how we honor others.” you said drawing yourself up straight in a poised and dignified manner as you looked at Nikolai in gentle reassurance and quiet understanding and your lips quirked into a smile “You are silly and ridiculous... but out of every aristocrat and royalty and nobility I have seen... you have proved to me that you are the true definition of nobility because you earned the title, the throne and crown by your actions and caring for people... not by a royal title you took for granted.”

Nikolai’s eyes widened in surprise as he stared at you in wonder and amazement, his heart thudding loudly as he realized that you didn’t care about his birth status quo and you believed that he was worthy of being called noble as his eyes filled with gratitude “Coming from you, that is high praise.”

You smiled softly at Nikolai as your eyes twinkled in kindness as you replied sincerely and earnestly as you took a deep breath “You are ridiculous, condescending, absolutely annoying, insufferable and -”

Nikolai raised his eyebrows “Excuse me, I thought we were having a moment?”

“All I know is for your many faults, you are honest, courageous, strong, true and kind - hearted and you are on your way to becoming the greatest king Ravka has ever known.” you stated quietly with a solemn and contemplative expression with belief glimmering in your eyes that surprised Nikolai who was stunned and speechless “I don’t care whether you are a bastard or a noble. It doesn’t matter who we are born as. What matters is who we decide to be. And you have chosen to be a king who wants to make Ravka a safer and better country.”

Nikolai who felt the air knocked out of his lungs at the sincerity and belief in your eyes felt speechless until he managed to retort “I didn’t know you believed in me so much.”

“Trust me, I can hardly believe it myself.” you replied with a good natured grin, your eyes twinkling in amusement and honesty.

Nikolai let out a huff of laughter as he felt your hand brush against his gently and he felt electrified and excited, the butterflies coming alive. He wanted to take your hand in his but he felt terrified. 

He had never felt this way with anyone. Why on earth was he nervous to take your hand?

Saints, was he sweating? 

“Get it together, Lantsov,” he commanded himself sternly “You’ve faced Fjerdan bullets and pirates and death and the Darkling. This is nothing compared to that.”

You looked over at him with those pretty eyes and he instantly knew that everything he had faced was nothing compared to you. 

“I suppose it’s hard to believe that there are people who believe and accept me for who I am. I’ve grown up with servants whispering rumors in front of me about my birth... my father who never cared about me because he knew who I was and my brother who taunted and laughed at me because I was not his blood.” said Nikolai taking in a deep breath, trying to articulate everything he felt as he found himself confiding his deepest secret in you easily, suddenly finding that it was easier for him to breathe “ I never belonged anywhere. Maybe that’s why I ran away and became Sturmhound, the dashing privateer. I wanted to find somewhere I belonged.”

Your expression was one of pure curiosity “Had any luck?”

“I’m not sure yet.” replied Nikolai quietly and softly as he stared at you hopefully, his eyes filled with adoration and aching longing for you and you felt yourself blushing as you realized what he meant. Nikolai smiled slightly as he sighed “All I know is... court is not where I belong. They all smile and pretend to love me but they all know the truth and gossip about it. It... I pretend it doesn’t hurt but it aches sometimes and that’s why I do everything to make up for it.”

There was a long moment of silence and Nikolai felt as if he was the drowning man who had suddenly been pulled to shore by you. He had confided his status in Alina who had comforted him with sweet words. But he saw you furrowing your eyebrows thoughtfully with a small smile you wore when you thought of something deep and smart. 

“You’re spending your entire life trying to make people happy. It’s good to care about others but not at the expense of yourself. Don’t try to make up for it or apologize for who you are to those who gossip about you. Be a king... be a leader and tell everyone what you need them to do. Show them who you are... the bastard who earned the right to become the King of Ravka.” you said passionately and truthfully to Nikolai who was taken aback your sharp wit and wise insight that was not comforting but truthful and inspiring to him.

“You know... there are times, when you display a sort of... I don’t know what to call it.” said Nikolai with a strange and thoughtful expression and then looked at you with a small soft smile “But it is... I’d say you display a strange sense of wisdom laced with sharp truth.”

You blushed as you looked away feeling admired and good enough as you smiled shaking your head and he looked at you with a bright twinkle in his eyes, his spirit renewed “I suppose then... being a bastard isn’t that bad because it has earned a point in my favor from you.”

You laughed as you looked at him and breathed with a shy and sincere smile “By the way, I like you when you’re like this. When you are just being yourself without reservation, without trying to please anyone.”

Nikolai felt warmth and happiness burst in his heart as he blushed “It’s too easy to be myself when I’m with you.”

You blushed as you looked at him admiringly and affectionately, full of amazement and protectiveness for the boy who had grown up with demons in his head and yet chosen to be kind and courageous. You felt terrible and admired Nikolai for growing up in a palace where he felt he did not belong, struggled to define himself outside the rumors and earn the love of his family and people when it should have been given unconditionally to him. 

You thought of a lonely boy who craved for acceptance and love, running away to fight in the front lines facing danger and death and becoming a privateer to find a semblance of a family could have at some point decided life was cruel and become a monster who was filled with bitterness and anger. And yet, Nikolai had faced the world with a bright smile and maintained a kind heart and a courageous soul to fight for the good of the world. 

You thought of Kaz who was completely different to Nikolai, Kaz who was full of vengeance and cruelty but his heart was still in the right place to people he cared about. You wondered whether Kaz could have chosen to be kind or whether he chose to become the Bastard of the Barrel to survive in this world and define himself by vengeance. But it was useless to ponder on such questions. It was what Kaz had needed to do to survive in the Barrel, right? If he hadn’t become the biggest and baddest of them all, he would have surely died. 

But yet looking at Nikolai, flickers of doubt started to tug at you. Could someone be full of hurt and pain and fight their way to the top while maintaining a semblance of kindness? What if Kaz had chosen to be a little kinder and softer, would he have loved you? 

There you were thinking of the Bastard of the Barrel again. 

And why on earth were you thinking of Nikolai again?

Your hand had unconsciously flown to your necklace as you were thinking of Kaz when Nikolai inquired curiously interrupting your thoughts “What’s that?”

You realized you were stroking the ring Kaz had given you and blushed a beetroot red in embarrassment as you stuttered “It’s - it’s - um - it’s my engagement ring. Saints! I mean - uh fake engagement ring Kaz gave me when he pretended to be my husband.”

“I see.” said Nikolai quietly feeling his heart break at the mention of you still wearing something Kaz Brekker had given you. It felt as if Kaz Brekker found a way to remind Nikolai that you were not Nikolai’s but Kaz Brekker’s girl. “May I see it?”

You nodded after a flicker of hesitation as you let Nikolai step closer toward you, his fingers lightly brushing against the skin of your neck electrifying you as he grasped the ring gently and examined it curiously and after a moment replied sassily “It’s nice. Not the ring I would have chosen for you. May I ask as to why you are still wearing it?”

“It’s difficult to explain.” you said biting your lip with a troubled look in your eyes as you looked into Nikolai’s quiet and gentle eyes that waited patiently for you. “The truth is... I don’t really know why I’m still wearing this ring after everything.”

“I know it’s over with Kaz Brekker and I know he will never love me. I know it was a fake engagement that I was stupid to believe was real. But for some reason... I keep holding onto this ring he gave me because... it’s special to me.” you said softly and thoughtfully as you thought of Kaz whose lips pulled into an unnoticeable soft smile when he looked at you and whose eyes glinted in amusement and affection whenever you made a joke. 

You looked at the silhouette of the crow as you traced the R engraved on the ring, blinking back tears with a heavy heart “It’s like - like I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready... I’m scared to take it off because I don’t know what will happen to me if I do. Because deep down, I know if I take if off, it will mean that I’m saying goodbye to everything I shared with Kaz Brekker. It’ll mean that all the memories, the good and bad times, everything we shared was all wrong and fake.”

“I’m just trying to hold onto the memories... I’m trying to hold onto him for as long as possible with the desperate hope that he see me one day.” you whispered, smiling amidst the pain and hurt you had tried to drink away tonight but resurfaced when you thought of Kaz. 

You took a deep breath as you stayed silent with Nikolai who looked at you feeling pain and hurt strike his heart at how much you loved Kaz and wondered whether there was a chance you could ever love him back as he said after a long moment “Y/N... I know you love Kaz Brekker and that bastard is incredibly lucky to be loved by you... but Y/N, are you really going to wait your whole life in tears and pain for him to see him while he ruins every moment of your life that you could be living the way you want to? Y/N, you’re trying everything to prove to him that you love him but he has only made you end in tears and heartbreak.”

 It was the truth you didn’t want to hear as you glared at him but he remained unaffected and steady, offering you the truth instead of sweet lies. 

“You are an amazing person. You care about his feelings more than yours. But you’re not holding onto him... you’re holding onto the pain because that’s all you have left. You deserve to let go and think about what you want and put yourself first. You deserve to be free and happy.” said Nikolai earnestly and honestly as he looked at you sincerely as your gaze softened with sadness and surprise because you had not thought of it “I hope one day... you’ll find yourself brave enough to let him go instead of clinging to a bastard who treats you poorly and breaks your heart. I hope one day... you’ll let yourself breathe and live for yourself.”

You were speechless as you realized Nikolai had spoken the truth that reached into the depths of your saddened soul that suddenly felt quietly inspired and Nikolai smiled gently “Until that day... I’ll be standing by you every step of the way.”

You were speechless as you stared at him in wonder and quiet surprise because it felt so strange to have a person care for you so deeply that he would tell you the real truth in a way that inspired, motivated, understood and comforted you. You didn’t know if you could ever let go of Kaz Brekker, let go of this overwhelming heartbreak and sadness you felt and wondered whether there would ever be a day where it would happen. 

“You’re right. But it feels impossible. Because he still has a hold on me. He always will.” you said weakly, your voice wavering in exhaustion and pain as you looked at Nikolai whose face was etched with concern. “He is more than the boy who broke my heart. He is the boy who saved me. And I know there is something in him worth saving too.”

“At the expense of your own happiness and good health?” queried Nikolai softly and gently, his heart clenching in hurt for you. “Saving him while you drown in despair and pain?”

You froze feeling angry and hurt, stung by Nikolai’s words because he had always been kind to you. You liked Nikolai because he was always full of kindness, comfort and goodness. He was never harsh and unkind. Now Nikolai was spitting the cruel truth to your face unflinchingly, remaining unaffected and steady as he took a dig at your deepest pain.

It felt as if he was patronizing you, believing that you would always be the girl who would drown in despair and hurt out of your love for Kaz Brekker. It felt like he was almost laughing at your deep love for Kaz Brekker and thought of you as a foolish, silly girl for clinging onto Kaz and not letting go. It was as if he thought he would be the one to save you from the grave you had dug for yourself while hiding his amusement at how deep you had fallen into your grave. 

It felt hurtful. It felt patronizing. It felt condescending. 

Most of all you just felt angry that it was Nikolai who was trying to help you when it should be Kaz Brekker who should be there for you. You wanted to yell in pain because there was so much pain searing in your heart. You wanted to kick and stab someone in your anger. You wanted to lash out at Kaz Brekker for making you this girl who was on your knees, weak with love for him. But Kaz Brekker wasn’t here and you lashed out at the only person who was here for you. 

“Don’t you speak to me again, you condescending, patronizing prat! You know what, I shouldn’t have told you anything thinking you’d understand!” you snapped angrily burning with rage that you wanted to unleash on Kaz Brekker but you shoved Nikolai instead hiding the tears in your eyes “Don’t - don’t ever come near me again!”

You blinked back the harsh tears that threatened to fall down your cheeks as you ran away wanting to be alone. You didn’t even know where you were going as you ran through the graveled paths, deeper and deeper into the gardens, feeling humiliated and heartbroken. You cursed the Bastard of the Barrel who had broken your heart and kept on hurting you over and over again. 

You breathed in the beauty of the night frozen in time right where it was left but before you could take a better look, oncoming footsteps drew your attention immediately. The air grew cold with fear and anticipation as you stiffened preparing yourself. The footsteps came closer to you but you were ready to take down the intruder who threatened your peace and probably life as you turned around and landed a punch on the intruder who groaned in pain, kicking him in the crotch as he doubled down in pain and wasted no time as you efficiently got him in a headlock, one of the knives you had drawn from under your dress glinting in the moonlight as you pressed it lightly on his throat. 

“Don’t beg for mercy. I have none.” you whispered dangerously and quietly “Who are you and who sent you?”

“It’s Nikolai Lantsov, the King of your heart! Saints, you are so murderous... do it more.” whispered Nikolai huskily with a flirty smirk under your grip as he breathed, his heart beating rapidly. 

You couldn’t believe your ears as you realized the mop of blonde hair and the smooth and flirty voice belonged to no one except Nikolai “WHAT? WHY ARE YOU HERE?”

“I came here to see if you were okay but obviously that’s not important anymore.” groaned Nikolai under your grip because you still had not released him out of shock as he let out a gladdened and lovestruck sigh “Could you choke me tighter? I’m loving where I’m right now.”

You released him blushing at the sexual innuendos he was implying as you glared at him fiercely while he brushed his coat regally as he coughed, slightly red in the face and you snapped at him in exasperation “OI! I told you to stay away from me!”

Nikolai looked quite calm for a man who had just been punched, kicked and nearly strangled to death as he replied rubbing his reddened cheek and nose with a cheeky smile “I didn’t listen.”

You raised your eyebrows at him knowingly in exasperation “You do that quite a lot.”

“That’s why you like me.” retorted Nikolai with a cheeky and bright grin, his hazel eyes twinkling in knowing and amusement. 

“Who says I like you?” you retorted in annoyance and irritation but for some unfathomable reason, warmth flared on your cheeks as your stomach flipped. 

Nikolai only responded with a wink and a good humored grin that made you feel shy and conscious of yourself as you looked away from him. You were still angry but not at him. You had been irrational and cruel to the very person who was trying to help you because you had been too busy drowning in the depressing thoughts of Kaz Brekker, the boy who broke your heart. 

“I’m sorry.” you blurted out quickly because guilt nagged at your mind and heart at lashing out at Nikolai who had looked hurt at your words. “I’m so sorry. You weren’t patronizing or condescending, you were trying to help and - and I was angry at Kaz but I took it out on you. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I want you to know that I’m so sorry.”

Nikolai wore an inscrutable expression that scared you because you didn’t know what he was thinking. Nikolai stepped toward you and looked deeply into your eyes. In a moment, his expression softened into one of forgiveness and gentleness as he smiled softly and kindly as he caressed your cheek tenderly “You are always forgiven, beloved. I’m only glad that you felt safe enough to take it out on me.”

“I don’t deserve a friend like you.” you said, your voice cracking in heavy emotion of disbelief and shock as tears sprung into your eyes at feeling the depth of how much Nikolai cared for you, a person who didn’t deserve it. 

“Y/N, I’m terribly sorry but I am exactly who you deserve.” replied Nikolai with a bright and tender smile understanding that you had acted out of grief and not out of malice

He wiped away your tears and pulled you in for a warm hug as he wished that you would see that what you deserved was standing right in front of you, holding you in his arms and after a long moment he said softly “I want to understand you. Why were you so angry when I suggested you should let go of Kaz Brekker?”

“Because - because for all his faults, Kaz Brekker is the reason who I am today. Kaz was the first person who believed I wasn’t weak. Kaz showed me that I’m a dangerous and powerful girl, a force to be reckoned with!” you exclaimed passionately as you looked at Nikolai, your heart beating with pain and reminiscence of Kaz teaching you how to survive in the Barrel and advising you when you fell down, believing in you when you were frustrated with yourself and looking at you with that rare approving and happy gleam in his eyes when you performed extraordinarily well. 

Your voice cracked as you felt broken and wrong “Without him... who am I? I don’t know who I am without him. I’ll be nobody if he didn’t see me.”

Nikolai was shocked because that was not what he expected out of you but as he looked at you, his heart pounded in pain and understanding for you as he said after a moment “When I became the King of Ravka, I believed I didn’t deserve my throne. Not truly. Because it wasn’t me who had extinguished the Fold and brought peace at last. It was the Sun Summoner, Sankta Alina who everyone believed in me that achieved the goal. I thought I was nothing without her. I wouldn’t have made it that far without her.”

“That’s not true.” you said immediately because you knew it was wrong immediately “You are a great King. I’ve seen how you are as King. You care so much about people that you bled for them in the battlefield, you smile and give them hope for a better future and you’ll do anything to hold everything together to stop your kingdom falling apart. The people might have had faith in Alina but you’re the one who rallied them all together and gave them hope for a better future, a better Ravka with a King who would not repeat the failures of the past.”

Nikolai felt moved as his heart swelled with gratitude and surprise at being seen by you and felt a lump of emotion swell in his throat as he replied after a moment “Well, you seem to be full of compliments for me today.”

“I don’t give compliments. I tell the truth.” you said with a scowl making Nikolai chuckle and you punched him in the arm playfully “Stop, you’re going to be so insufferable now!”

“Well according to you, I’m already insufferable and I’m never going to stop being insufferable with you!” exclaimed Nikolai with a teasing grin as he hugged you with a heart full warmth and happiness as you squealed at the sudden hug but welcomed it with a laugh. 

You both laughed together and as the laughter subsided, Nikolai looked at you seriously “You think of me so highly, with so much of faith. You believe that I was equally important as Alina. Why don’t you believe the same about yourself? Why don’t you believe that despite Kaz Brekker, you have always been a strong girl who had a fire within you and kind heart? A girl who would find a way out of the darkness into the light?”

“I - I -” you stuttered in shock and disbelief as you racked your brains trying to find the answer but you were lost for words as you stared at Nikolai who was gazing at you in utmost faith and complete belief. 

“The answer to your dilemma is the same as mine.” stated Nikolai gently and firmly after a few moments as he caressed your cheek gently and softly, his fingers tingling feeling sparks of joy at the contact “You are who you are in spite of Kaz Brekker. Kaz Brekker may have shown you what you can do but everything you did, all the challenges you faced, all the times you won and became stronger after each battle.... all those achievements are yours and yours only. You never needed Kaz Brekker to become great. It was him that needed you.”

You were speechless as your heart pounded loudly and your thoughts raced frantically as you tried to remember. You tried to remember who you were in Ketterdam before Kaz Brekker had entered your life. It was murky and the memories began to resurface in wisps but you remembered being untethered and free, unemployed by the Bastard of Barrel. You remembered you were a girl who had a deceivingly calm composure, a charming smile and an instinct to observe sharply and react at the right time.

"I remember." you murmured softly as you remembered how you would blend into the crowd and be a ghost, a different version you needed to be to deceive others in order for you to gain information and help people and the sharp perceptiveness and curiosity you possessed with the spirit of wanting to make a difference.

You remembered how you helped people with your skills, finding out where there missing children were, who their spouse was sleeping with, helping children in abused homes flee to a safe place, investigating deaths and disappearances as you found yourself tugging on threads of cruelty and corruption in the city, finding proof on people who were wrongfully convicted to be set free. You had done some good, reunited friends and family, saved lives and made people smile again as they owed you debts of gratitude before Kaz Brekker came to your life.

You weren't powerful but you were dangerous and strong in your own right.

Had you really forgotten that?

"I had forgotten who I was before him. Now I remember... little bits and pieces of it." you murmured in wonder and reminiscence as you looked at Nikolai feeling incredibly shocked and taken aback that he had helped you find a part of you that you had almost lost.

Nikolai smiled as he realized that you were slowly beginning to find yourself "It would be an honour to know who you were before Kaz Brekker...but you're not obliged to tell me."

"Perhaps one day... I'll tell you when I remember everything." you murmured softly, your eyes quietly and gratefully promising him.

“I shall count days until then.” said Nikolai earnestly with a lovely smile that made your heart skip a beat as you suddenly realized how utterly and completely beautiful he was. “That’s the beautiful thing about letting go... you get to create your new beginning and find a new dream.”

“A new dream...” you murmured, the very sensation of it feeling strange to you as you thought of the novel idea of letting go of Kaz and leaving Ketterdam to find something different and new, a dream of your own that you didn’t yet know. “That’s sounds lovely. What’s yours?”

“What?” queried Nikolai in alarm and surprise because he had been too busy staring at you lovestruck and lost in dreams of holding your hand in his and dancing with you. 

“Your new dream. You told me once that you dream of a Ravka that will never fail its people. But you must have your own dream... a new dream?” you inquired curiously as you looked at Nikolai wanting to know everything about him because this boy who shouldered the burden of a nation with a heavy golden crown smiling brightly but had such vulnerability and kindness to him that you had not seen him display in public fascinated you.

You saw him smile hesitant and reluctant to reply as you nudged him “Come on! I can see you have your dreams. I won’t laugh, I promise.”

“I dream of you...” thought Nikolai longingly his lips tugging into a smile of affection and adoration as he gazed at you. But his heart beat rapidly, and he felt too scared to confess the overwhelming enormity of his affection for you because he could lose you forever. 

And yet he wanted more than anything for you to know his dream that he hid from the rest of the world.

“I have a dream... an unfulfilled and new dream that I persist on dreaming it even thought it seems like it can never come true. I dream of a happy home, with laughter of children who are loved more than they know, friends who will always be there and... a  wonderful wife with whom I am deeply in love with and share a blessed, happy and blissful relationship that will always stand through adversity” said Nikolai slowly and softly as he gazed at you, his hazel eyes burning with meaningful longing and aching hope that frightened and excited you as you inhaled a sharp breath “I dream about holding her hand and growing old together, dancing in the rain and spending our lifetime together full of adventures and love unburdened by meaningless things.”

You suddenly felt an aching in your heart as you felt the warmth and beauty of the vision that Nikolai had painted and you felt a sharp jab of pain that you didn’t understand at the thought of Nikolai living this beautiful dream with another girl as you replied softly and sincerely “That’s beautiful. I hope your dream does come true, Nikolai. I really hope you find someone that you will live your dream together.”

“I have found her. But I’m waiting for her to see me.” said Nikolai quietly and sincerely after a moment as he gazed at you intensely with worship and affection and your cheeks flooded into a warm red as you realized what he might be implying and you simply didn’t know how to feel about that “She’s smart, a fighter, loyal, and has this heart full of kindness and love. And she’s so enchanting. I feel like since she came to life, I have begun to hope and dream more than I ever did."

"But you know, she's rather rude, punches me in the nose, nearly stopped me from producing an heir and gets mad at me when I try to show her how I feel and completely in love with this guy who doesn't understand how awesome she is." said Nikolai honestly and sincerely, his heart pounding as he took a risk with his feelings and glanced at you who had frozen and yet was smiling in amusement, your eyes glinting in pain and worry "I wish she could just see me."

You were silent as the loudness of your heart mingled with the aftermath of his veiled confession hit you hard like a ton of bricks. You liked Nikolai. You really, really liked him. For all his flaws, he had become your rock and your safe place without you even realizing it from the moment you had met him. Nikolai was a good man and a friend who you cared for so much but you couldn't and didn't feel this way for him. You could never love Nikolai Lantsov the way he wanted you to love him.

But hopefully, he wasn’t talking about you. He was Nikolai Lantsov, the King of Ravka! He met many people on a daily basis! You weren’t special to him! 

Yes, that could be it. It wasn’t you he was talking about. It was another girl whose name you didn’t want to know and face you never wanted to see. 

“Well... she sounds completely awful. There’s a chance she’s going to break your heart and make you cry. You shouldn’t have hope. It’s dangerous and clouds your judgement.” you said sternly and quietly as you felt your own experience and memories surface “If she doesn’t see you, you should move on and find someone better. Don’t wait around for someone who won’t see you.”

“Maybe hope is dangerous and foolish. But whenever I’m with her, I know I’ll wait an entire lifetime for her to see me.” replied Nikolai softly with a gentle and yearning smile that made you feel hot and you tried to push away the thoughts that perhaps he was talking about you “She’s worth the wait.”

“Oh my Saints! You are absolutely lovestruck idiot! What if - she breaks your heart and falls in love with someone else? What if she doesn’t love you back and goes on with her life?” you exclaimed as you slapped Nikolai in his chest as you were exasperated and annoyed at him for liking this hypothetical princess so much to the point of giving up everything “Mark my words, I speak out of experience... you are setting up yourself for heartbreak with this princess of yours.”

“Consider your words marked, Oh Wise One. I love her so much that a part of me doesn’t care if she loves me back. Her happiness is way worth more than making her mine.” said Nikolai as he gazed at you lovingly tucking a strand of your hair behind your ears “All those princesses chasing me doesn’t mean a thing because there’s only her.”

“You really love her, don’t you?” you asked feeling self - conscious, praying to all the Saints that the girl wasn’t you.

Nikolai’s smile of longing, affection and sadness was enough to answer your question as you smiled quietly, feeling a slight stab of pain at the fact that it wasn’t you despite the gladness “Well... I just think this girl needs some time to see what’s really in front of her.”

Nikolai’s heart fluttered with dangerous hope as he saw you gazing at him sweetly and gently with an aching sad yet quiet longing and understanding as he felt breathless but you grinned up at him with a new idea in your mind.

“Oh!” you exclaimed in wonder and childlike awe making startling Nikolai who jumped back at your energy “Oh, I know! You’re Sturmhound, the pirate, right? Tell me everything!  I’m dying to know all about it! Is it really true you have a flying ship?”

“Darling, I’m a privateer. That is an important distinction.” said Nikolai grinning at your enthusiasm as he regaled you “No, it’s not true about me having a flying ship.”

You looked so disappointed Nikolai wished he hadn’t said that as he corrected you with a proud smile “I have a fleet of flying ships.”

“Saints! Why did you become a privateer? Other than running away to find where you belong?” you questioned eagerly and curiously, hungry to know about his life as a privateer. 

“Well, a prince is a songbird in a golden cage. A privateer has freedom to decide his own fate and find where he belongs. I loved my life at sea that gave me freedom but I always planned to come back to Ravka.” stated Nikolai with a sincere and quiet smile. 

“Tell me about your adventures! What was your favorite one? I’m dying to know all about it! Have you really traveled all over the world? Is it really true that you deceived the Darkling and hunted the Sea Whip?” you questioned, your eyes bright with curiosity and wonder as you looked at Nikolai with enthusiasm.

Nikolai was one to boast of his adventures and yet he was uncertain as to where to begin with you but the questions you fired at him eased him into a direction of describing his adventures on sea where he sailed with his crew, fought pirates, explored different lands, got into trouble and had extraordinary adventures. You had different questions bubbling with eager curiosity that Nikolai was only too happy to answer as he felt content speaking about his time as Sturmhound that he cherished. In return, Nikolai was full of questions about your life and role in Ketterdam with the Crows and you provided colorful and vivid descriptions of stories of dark danger, near death experiences and amazing adventures and heists that you enjoyed being part of greatly with your friends who you loved. Both of you talked endlessly and comfortably with each other about your lives, full of curiosity and respect for each other, eager to learn from and understand each other. 

You both had lost track of time as you talked and laughed with each other as you nudged him “I’ve always wanted to be a pirate. I’ve always thought being a pirate would be so fun! Not just a pirate but a captain of the most feared pirate ship! But it’s a silly dream.”

“As a privateer, I am deeply offended at your remark, my lady.” replied Nikolai pretending to be offended as he grinned easily “Why is it a silly dream?”

“Well, I’m not a pirate. I don’t know how to sail. I don’t have a ship. Pirates are not taken kindly by pompous privateers.” you retorted with a teasing grin as your eyes twinkled with good humor making Nikolai laugh in amusement “And I can’t leave Ketterdam.”

Nikolai knew that she truly meant that she couldn’t leave Kaz Brekker and looked at her with a smooth and sincere smile “I’ll teach you how to sail one day. We’ll go out on the ocean and have our great adventure. And one day, I have a feeling you’ll become an infamous pirate who everyone knows of. And don’t worry love, I hope you become a pirate because when you conquer the seas and try to attack me... I’ll be on my knees begging for you.”

You blushed bright red at what Nikolai implied as you found no proper sentence in your brain that had stopped functioning as you finally snapped to a grinning devilish Nikolai “Do you - stop doing that!”

“What? I like it when you blush.” replied Nikolai wearing an innocent expression but his eyes were twinkling with a devilish gleam. “You would look so amazing in a pirate’s outfit...”

You snorted in amusement as you shook your head at Nikolai “You have a set of strange kinks rooted in deep seated desires, don’t you?”

Nikolai’s eyes glimmered in amusement “I am more than happy to demonstrate my list of kinks to you.”

“No, thank you, please torture someone else.” you replied coolly as you shuddered while Nikolai threw his head back in laughter. 

“Well, I could do that but it’s so fun to torture you.” replied Nikolai playfully as he blushed when you brushed against him, his skin setting on fire with desire and longing. 

“Bold last words for a man who is about to lose his spleen.” you replied darkly as you glared at a laughing Nikolai trying your best to scowl but you found your lips twitching into a small smile. 

Nikolai shot a challenging look to you “You don’t even know where my spleen is.”

“Don’t test me, prat. You’re tempting me to prove you wrong.” you said with a wicked grin as you stepped toward him with glimmers of danger sparkling in your eyes.

Nikolai stepped back as he placed his hands in surrender and fell to his knees “Oh Captain Y/L/N, please spare my spleen and my life! In exchange, I’ll give my heart to you!”

“You are absolutely ridiculous!” you exclaimed trying to hide your blushing face as you tossed your hair and started to walk away. “Absolutely mental!”

“You always walk away when we have an emotional moment, darling!” exclaimed Nikolai loudly and dramatically while you controlled your amused and delighted laughter as he ran toward you trying to catch up with you. 

You shoved him lightly and playfully as you shook your head at him fondly as he said after a moment of silence “Do you think that’s your new dream? Being a pirate?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” you said softly as you were lost in thought “All I know is being a spy. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Good spies don’t let anyone they are spies.” said Nikolai cleverly as he looked at you. 

You winked at him “The greatest one don’t need to hide themselves. It’s up to you to play the game with us.”

“You can never trust a spy. And a spy can never trust anyone. It must be a lonely existence to be detached from the rest of the world.” said Nikolai honestly and smartly as he looked at your serious and solemn expression. 

“No. That’s where everyone gets it wrong.” you said with a clever smirk as you looked at Nikolai who raised his eyebrows in curiosity “The best spies have a trick... a trick that always helps them win in the end.”

“What is it?”

“Now if I told you, I wouldn’t be much of a spy, would I?”

The trick was to figure out who could be trusted in this world. Trust is a double edged sword. It could be used to your advantage when needed. You had learned that it is a lonely existence to live without trusting anyone because to live without trusting anyone meant to live without people who would back you up when you were in trouble. That’s what most people got wrong. They believed trusting no one protected them. Knowing who to trust and when to use that trust to your advantage, that’s what truly protected and empowered you. 

“Can I trust you?” queried Nikolai curiously with a twinkle in his hazel eyes. 

“If you like.” you answered vaguely with a playful smile as you looked over at him with an amused twinkle in your eyes. 

Nikolai knew about you through what Nina had told him and he wanted to know more about you “Nina says you’re one of the best spies she’s ever known. Why do you like being a spy?” 

“Well, you can always pull the grandest con, and perform dazzling magic tricks to steal what’s most precious to people... their secrets while flirting with life and death and being absolutely forgettable to the people who have the memory span of goldfish.” you said airily and calmly with a clever and witty smirk that amazed and enchanted Nikolai who could see your charm, beauty and cleverness played a part in making you a spy who could get away with anything. 

“Is this a con?” asked Nikolai feeling slightly insecure because he believed that you wouldn’t lie to him but your nature as a spy and his position as a king put them both in an awkward position. 

To his surprise, you weren’t mad and offended but grinned “Finally, you’re thinking like a real king would. You tell me... do I seem like someone who would trick you?”

“You seem like someone who enjoys tricking anyone as long as you are in charge of your own fate.” replied Nikolai lightly and perceptively, his hazel eyes burning with longing and admiration as he looked at you. 

You looked at him in surprise as you nodded in agreement “You do know me.”

“You still didn’t answer my question. Is this... our relation - friendship real?” demanded Nikolai, his voice slightly wavering in insecurity and uncertainty even though he still held onto the belief you wouldn’t trick him but the ghosts of his past haunted him. 

You realized this was important to Nikolai as you took a step toward him and placed your hands on his shoulders, your eyes intense and sincere as you whispered softly “You are... you, Nikolai Lantsov... is the only person who I don’t want to be dishonest with. You terrify me because you are the only person who makes me feel like a girl who is seen... not a spy who hides away wearing different masks.”

Nikolai couldn’t breathe, he was certain he was having a cardiac arrest. Maybe this was a dream... a really good dream that he didn’t want to wake up from. This couldn’t be real because there you were holding him as he inhaled the soft notes of your perfume that haunted him, as you looked at him earnestly and sincerely with complete vulnerability as you told him nothing but the truth. He couldn’t describe the relief and joy that flooded him as he heard those blessed words fall from your lips, glad that this was real... not a trick cruelly played on him. 

“You’re beautiful.” whispered Nikolai breathlessly as he stared at you adoringly and reverently, because you were his Saint who he worshipped and believed in “You are absolutely divine.”

You felt your heart stop and your breath quicken at how intensely adoringly and affectionately Nikolai was gazing at you as if he had never seen anyone and anything as beautiful as you are as you felt self conscious and shy full of denial “Nikolai...”

“No, don’t you dare say that you are not beautiful. I only wish you could see what I see, Y/N.” whispered Nikolai huskily and softly as he reached to slowly caress your cheek, igniting shivers that ran down your spine as you held your breath “You are so enchanting that I feel you’re a Goddess in an impossible dream that the Saints have chosen to torment me, you dangerous girl.”

You couldn’t breathe or think but only felt Nikolai worship you with all consuming reverence and admiration, overwhelming adoration and affection that was only reserved for beautiful Goddesses and pretty princesses. You felt fragile and beautiful, precious and important as your eyes fluttered shut to feel and live in this moment that felt so wrong because Nikolai was your friend and yet, selfishly, you wanted something more from him. 

You didn’t understand this feeling. 

Your eyes fluttered open as you gazed at Nikolai with curiosity and shy nervousness as he stared at you as if there was nothing compared to you and he smiled, the sight of you making him weak “Y/N... I have something to show you... something that I want to share with you.”

Perhaps you should have refused because you loved Kaz but thoughts of Kaz Brekker eluded you in that moment as you stared at Nikolai, a shy boy who offered his hand nervously yet resolutely to you, waiting hopefully for you and you smiled widely as you took his hand in yours, your fingers intertwining perfectly and gently with his fingers that held onto your hand as if he couldn’t believe this was real. 

Nikolai Lantsov thought he was going to faint and die of happiness when you took his hand with that enchanting smile. Oh Saints, he was going to die before he married you if you kept looking at him with that soft and kind look in your eyes, as he felt the warmth of your hand radiate in his.

You looked at Nikolai who looked calm and composed wearing a joyful smile but internally Nikolai Lantsov was screaming happily and jumping up and down in excitement. 

In companionable silence, Nikolai led you toward a stone wall with lovely white roses curling on it as an old wooden door awaited you. Nikolai opened the old wooden door that creaked with welcome and chivalrously let you enter and stepped in closing the door as you looked around the garden. 

You breathed in the divine beauty of the garden that was frozen in time right where it was left. There were pillars and walls covered with green and dark vines and creepers of purple, pink and pure white flowers. There was a bubbling fountain with an ancient statue of a pretty lady holding a puppy in her arms. There was a untamed and untended wilderness of bushes and trees full of vividly wild and colorful flowers beyond your imagination that took your breath away. As you tumbled through the rusty gates and grand arches, you saw a old table with fine china tea set and napkins that had been long used covered in leaves and wilted flower crowns lying on the table. You smiled when you spotted a simple and ethereal childish tree house lodged on top of a tree. There were ponds and fountains everywhere in this vast garden and as you made your way through a garden of brightly colored cherry blossoms, you saw two swings with pretty flowers curling around the rope as they faced the view of a beautiful shimmering lake.

It was absolutely breathtaking. It was as if Nikolai had realized you were losing faith in fairytales and helped you step into this magical, ancient, wild garden that was timeless and beautiful in it’s own way, haunted by memories and ghosts. 

“It’s... it’s a fairytale!” you exclaimed in amazement and wonder as you looked at Nikolai who smiled widely and softly squeezing your hand gently “Nikolai... it’s magnificent!”

“This is my secret spot. It’s special to me. This is where I come when I want to be alone.” said Nikolai quietly and sincerely as he saw you look at him in surprise and wonder “You’re the second person I’ve been here alone with.”

“Not the direction where I thought this was going.” you said lightly with a chuckle feeling surprised and moved that he brought you to a place where he wanted to be alone and slightly jealous of the person who was here with Nikolai before you.

Nikolai laughed happily as he led you to the swing where you sat down feeling childish and playful and Nikolai sat on the swing next to you, with a reminiscent and bittersweet smile, his expression thoughtful and sincere as he looked over at you as you both giggled swinging like kids on the swings. 

“This used to be my favorite place in the world... this was mother’s secret garden. She suffered neglect in her marriage and wasn’t always happy but this was where she was the happiest, I believe.” said Nikolai honestly and reminiscently as the words suddenly spilled out of his mouth, remembering his mother who he had been fond of but had to exile. Nikolai didn’t notice you stiffen in surprise at the shocking revelation as you realized that this place was sacred to him. “Where we were the happiest together. She was the first person who I arrived to in this garden.”

“No one had time for me but when my mother had time for me, she’d bring me here. She used to say it was our magic garden where nothing outside mattered at all in here.” said Nikolai with bittersweet reminiscence as he stared at the shimmering lake shining under the moonlight remembering how he had given his mother heart attacks when he jumped into the lake and swam.

“We had the best times in here. I remember we used to spend hours playing hide and seek, building the tree house, laughing on these swings and having tea parties. She called me her sobachka.” said Nikolai with a fond smile as he felt the good and warm memories engulf him like a tidal wave, his heart feeling the pang of bittersweet “After I... after I exiled her because of how she violated her duty... I haven’t been here since then. But it’s just how I remember it. The fountains, the trees, the flowers, the swings... like nothing has changed. Not true, of course. Everything has changed. If I could bring my mother here, she wouldn’t recognize most of it because I haven’t had anyone touch this place. She wouldn’t recognize me.”

“I know it won’t mean much but I am sorry.” you said softly after a long moment of stunned and speechless silence where you had been shocked and moved by Nikolai’s vulnerable and real revelations of his childhood he confided in you “It must be hard.”

“It was the right thing to do for Ravka. If Ravka is to change, it must start with me.” said Nikolai steadily and strongly, no hint of vulnerability and insecurity noticeable but you observed a hint of exhaustion hidden deeply in those wonderful hazel eyes. 

“Well, that’s good for the King of Ravka. But... you are Nikolai, a man with a beating heart that feels deeply.” you said quietly and observantly, gentleness and understanding etched onto your face as you looked at Nikolai “You’re only human.”

“Well, sometimes the man does contemplate on his past and feels... feels human. Fragile and breakable and remembers too much and feels too much pain. Losing my mother who really knew me meant gaining Ravka. I just didn’t know it would be this lonely and painful.” replied Nikolai as he blinked back the tears that sprung into his eyes at how you could see through his act and smiled shakily “But I try not to dwell on the past but focus on the future with hope.” 

You didn’t have any words for him because you were not certain that any amount of words could comfort him as you stayed silent patting his back gently as he brushed away his tears “I didn’t come here after the war. I didn’t want anything changed in this garden. I don’t know why.”

“Well, it’s because this garden is sacred to you. It’s full of memories with your mother who you loved and didn’t live up to your expectations. The only person who knew and accepted you at the time. You’re holding onto her the only way you can... you’re holding onto the pain and grief because that’s all you have left.” you said sincerely and softly after a long moment of silence as your hand rubbed his back gently, your eyes warm and understanding repeating Nikolai’s words to him. 

Nikolai who was stunned at how you put his feelings into words properly found himself smiling brightly through his tears “I love it when you quote me.”

You both chuckled as silence reigned over you and you quietly reached over and slowly took his hand in yours surprising him. You held his hand in yours tenderly and gently, hoping he would understand that you were there for him as you smiled warmly at him, giving him hope and courage. 

“This is the first time I’ve been here since exiling my mother... with you. I wanted - I’ve hidden this place for so long but I wanted to share it with you.” confessed Nikolai sincerely with a rosy blush as he stared at you adoringly and reverently with a warm smile “Sometimes the bitter past is sweeter when you share it with a very special person.”

You couldn’t stop smiling happily as you squeezed Nikolai’s hand tightly because this felt precious to you. This was Nikolai laying down his armor and letting down his guard with you as he shared something incredibly intimate and sacred to him with you. It felt as if Nikolai trusted you with his heart to show and tell you something so private and special and you felt honored. You promised yourself you wouldn’t break this trust that felt precious and beautiful. It was nice that he had shown who he was rather than who he pretended to be to everyone. 

You were rendered speechless with emotion and Nikolai gazed at you with a warm smile “I want you to have this garden. This is yours as much as it is mine now.”

You began to protest because this was Nikolai’s sacred place and you couldn’t take something so precious to him when he shook his head and silenced you “Please. Don’t say anything. Just know that this garden is yours to enjoy now.”

You felt touched as your heart filled up with such emotion at how Nikolai easily made you feel important. It was as if he was gifting a piece of him to you hoping that you would cherish and protect it. As both of you sat in swings, swinging in silence occasionally talking and laughing with each other. Nikolai felt the air grow colder as the sky grew dark with storm clouds but he didn’t want this night to ever end. And he knew he would regret it for the rest of the life if he didn’t say these next words. 

“Y/N... it would give me the greatest pleasure if you could do me the honor of - uh - um -” stuttered Nikolai nervous and shy as he gazed hopefully at your beautiful and kind face full of curiosity and anticipation, your eyes dancing with mischief and surprise as you looked at him make a fool of himself in front of you “Uh - that is to say - I want - I mean, will you do the honor of -”

Okay, this was going terribly and Nikolai wanted the earth to open and swallow him as he saw you raise your eyebrows at him. You probably thought he was having a stroke. 

You looked at him softly in pleasant surprise and hope, your eyes full of light and warmth as you completed what he had begun “Dance with you?”

“Yes... that’s exactly it!” exclaimed Nikolai letting out a breath of relief feeling like a complete idiot in front of you because the corners of your lips twitched slightly but your eyes were full of fondness and surprise “Will you please dance with me?”

You grinned brightly as you nodded your head in agreement. Nikolai’s hands were shaking as he placed his hand gently on your waist. He had to force himself to stop screaming in joy when you held his hand and placed your other hand on his shoulder, as he felt breathless at how close both of you were. The light distant notes of the music in the ball echoed as both of you started to dance together.

You wanted to look away but there was something so magnetic and enticing about Nikolai, something that you hadn’t seen before. You had danced before as you remembered how you had attacked Nina who was a phenomenal dancer to teach you how to dance for your first mission. Nina had been surprised as to why you wanted to learn how to dance quickly but she had taught you well along with Jesper. You remembered how Nina would instruct you over and over again while Matthias encouraged you, Jesper and Inej teased you while Wylan played the piano as Kaz’ lips twitched in amusement at how spectacularly you were failing.

You had become quite a proficient and graceful dancer in time thanks to Nina’s and Jesper’s tutoring. For your missions you had danced many times at different galas and balls with countless partners who didn’t have any rhythm or pushed you around the dance floor instead of guiding you. You had never danced with someone that wanted to truly dance with you and cherish the moment. You had never experienced this thrilling, enchanting feeling of being wanted and safe in someone’s arms while spinning and twirling. 

You didn’t understand why Nikolai was smiling at you so beautifully and why you felt so safe in his arms. 

“What are you doing?” you asked Nikolai because you wanted him to undo whatever he was doing to you.

“Dancing with you, love.” said Nikolai with a bright grin that made your heart pound in excitement and thrill. 

“Why aren’t you dancing with the rest of the princesses who are waiting for you?” you queried careful to keep any hint of jealousy or hurt you might have felt out of your voice. 

“Because I only want to dance with you.” said Nikolai softly and gently with such sincerity and earnestness that you were rendered speechless and then his eyes twinkled in delight “Though I must admit, I am flattered you granted me this dance. I observed you breaking the hearts of every eligible gentlemen at the ball tonight by refusing to dance with them.”

You scowled making Nikolai grin in amusement as he spun you around as you said “They didn’t really want me. And besides, I didn’t want to dance with any of those men with terrible breath and egos larger than their dicks.”

Nikolai couldn’t stop laughing outright as tears of delight and happiness sprung into his eyes “You have such a unique way of saying things. A poet in your own right.”

You laughed as he drew you closer to you as you felt dizzy in a good way. His touch on your waist, his hand holding yours radiated comfort and warmth, a promise of safety that was never going to be broken. You didn’t feel as if you were guided by him, Nikolai was a good dancer who had perfect rhythm and didn’t push you around the floor. Dancing with Nikolai felt as if you were floating on air, your feet light and blissful as you craved for more, wanting to dance with him under the moonlight forever. 

You both could hear the distant melody echoing from the palace ballroom as a singer’s voice crooned from a distance “No, I won't be afraid, no, I won't be afraid just as long as you stand, stand by me.”

You could feel your heart beat fast as you looked at Nikolai who held you like a promise as he looked at you with such staggering affection and sincerity twirling you around as he caught you in his arms with a gentle and loving smile as the singer crooned “So darlin', darlin', stand by me.  Oh, stand by me Oh, stand Stand by me, stand by me.”

This moment felt intimate and quietly blissful. You looked at him and saw his face expressing nothing but steadfast promise to always be there for you no matter what. A lump of emotion formed in your throat and you knew in that moment that this ridiculous, beautiful, wonderful boy would always have you and nothing could ever change the fact that you would stand by him.

Nikolai felt blessed as a man to hold you in his arms and dance with you tonight as you smiled at him with that smile you smiled when you felt truly happy and content. He had never felt this way about anyone. Nikolai cherished this moment as you rested your head on his chest, swaying gently and Nikolai swore his heart beat skyrocketed at the fact that the woman he loved, who was incomparable and wonderful was in his arms resting his head on his chest. 

You took in a deep breath as you looked at Nikolai shyly “I’ve never done this before.”

Nikolai was confused “Danced?”

“No. I mean, I’ve danced with plenty of men who think they are the greatest of all time. But I mean, I’ve always danced for missions, for the purpose of completing a task. I’ve never had the pleasure of enjoying and having fun at a dance... I’ve never danced with someone I like who likes me back.” you confessed feeling foolish and shy as you averted your gaze at the last moment, blushing at confiding your little secret to Nikolai. 

“Then I shall endeavor to make this night unforgettable.” said Nikolai honestly and gladly, happy that this was the first time you were dancing properly for fun without any purpose and it was with him. You had chosen him. “May I ask what’s made you like me?”

You shot him an exasperated glare that made him smirk widely in amusement “Really? I can’t believe you. I might just step on your feet.”

“You wouldn’t do - OW, SAINTS MY FEEBLE FOOT!” exclaimed Nikolai who had begun teasing you but regretted it the very moment your high heel poked him in the foot very sharply “Alright, it’s a mercy all those men survived dancing with you.”

Nikolai regretted the words slipping out of his mouth because the moment he said that, your high heels stamped him with vengeance “OWW - FOR THE LOVE OF RAVKA - HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO STEP ON AND INCAPACITATE BOTH OF MY FEET, WOMAN?”

“I’m really enjoying this dance. It’s so fun!” you exclaimed with a wide grin amused and delighted at Nikolai’s dramatic reactions and you grinned brightly when he shot you a childish and petulant look.

“Oh yes, laugh at my pain. You sadistic she - devil, you enjoy others pain so much.” retorted Nikolai surly trying to be serious and petulant but you were laughing outrageously and his lips twitched happily “My poor, poor, feet.”

“You are a war hero and you cannot survive this dance?” you queried sweetly as you batted your eyelashes.

“You remind me of a cavalry horse who stepped on the feet of officers who he didn’t like.” said Nikolai as he nursed the pain in his foot and then realized the ungentlemanly tone of what he had said as he quickly scrambled “I beg your pardon Y/N, I didn’t mean to imply you were heavier than a cavalry horse -”

But you were laughing in amusement as you shook your head fondly at Nikolai. You felt really happy and alive and wondered how many moments in your life you felt this incandescently happy. You remembered the memories with the Crows where you felt the thrill of undertaking a new adventure, the moments shared with Kaz that you thought meant something but this moment with Nikolai felt very different and special to you than the rest of them.

The lightning flashed in the night sky and the drops of rain began to relentlessly fall down upon you. You couldn’t help but smile as you hugged Nikolai in happiness as you felt the raindrops soak you thoroughly but you didn’t care as you and Nikolai laughed and danced in the rain. Thunder grumbled and lightning flashed as the storm raged on but you both were perfectly happy as you ran through the gardens childishly and laughed happily and danced joyfully and happily in each other’s arms because there was nowhere else you both would rather be. 

And late into the morning as both of you stumbled into the castle giggling and Nikolai walked you to the palace, his coat draped over you, you realized you hadn’t thought of Kaz Brekker at all when you were with Nikolai and most importantly, you didn’t now care as much as you did before. It felt strange and new as you looked at Nikolai rambling about a new invention of his and your lips tugged into a soft smile at how your cheeks were aching from smiling and your stomach hurt from laughing so much. You had missed being happy. 

Perhaps every long lost dream and every time your heart broke was a northern star that had guided and led you to Nikolai Lantsov, the man who had a heart full of kindness and love.

You didn’t want to think about falling in love again, but you were glad to have a true friend who understood you in ways that no one ever did. 

And when Nikolai saw you off at your chamber, you looked at him with a strange and quiet look in your eyes as you said “Thank you. For tonight. It was everything.”

Nikolai smiled enchantingly as his eyes twinkled with affection and longing for you “You are welcome. But I must thank you for making this ball the best night of my life.”

“Go inside and get warm. I don’t want you catching a cold.” said Nikolai fussing over you as he took his handkerchief and started to use it as a towel as he scrubbed your hair in worry trying to dry it while you snapped at him and freed yourself.

“Oh stop fussing!”

“Oh, pardon me if I didn’t want you to get sick!”

You laughed as you looked at Nikolai gratefully and warmly as you suddenly threw your arms around him and hugged him tightly because there was this very warm and happy, aching and loud emotions flooding into you as you whispered to a very surprised Nikolai who hugged you back “I think I finally believe in Saints.”

Nikolai held you protectively and caringly in his arms as he whispered huskily “Why?”

“Because they led me straight to you, Nikolai Lantsov.” you whispered softly and reverently, your voice full of emotion in a sacred prayer, a whispered secret uttered in a room. 

Nikolai felt breathless and speechless as his brain stopped functioning for a moment as he processed what you meant as you buried your head on his shoulder for a moment because if you didn’t want to let him go at all and wanted to stay in his arms forever where it felt safe and right and real. 

But you broke out of the embrace as you looked at a stunned and speechless Nikolai, his eyes shining with glimmer of joy and hope as you leaned up and pressed a soft and sweet kiss on his cheek, your lips lingering on his skin very briefly and then smiled “Good night, Nikolai. Sleep well.”

Nikolai stood outside your door frozen in shock because you had just proclaimed that you believed in Saints because of him and had kissed him on the cheek. His hand hovered over the spot where your lips had softly and briefly lingered, his cheek growing warm as he replayed that moment in his head over and over again. He was grinning widely like a fool, frozen in time and swore never to wash his face again because he didn’t want your kiss to be washed away. Everything was just perfect and beautiful and magical in the world because Nikolai had the most magical night with the woman he loved. And now, he dared to truly hope that you might have feelings for him too. 

Nikolai wanted to scream from the rooftops. Nikolai wanted to dance joyfully. Nikolai wanted to run. But he felt it all as he stood frozen for a long time outside your door. 

After a few moments, Zoya came marching through the corridors and fumes were coming out of her ears when she saw Nikolai soaked wet, standing frozen as she scolded him “YOUR MAJESTY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? You were completely missing, no note! You could have died! You could have - Nikolai? Nikolai? Saints, you’re not moving! Are you alright? What happened?”

Nikolai grinned loopily, looking like an insane lunatic “My dreams are coming true!”

Zoya raised her eyebrows at Nikolai wondering if he had slipped and knocked his head hard when she realized that he was standing in front of your chambers and Zoya had to resist the urge to gasp out loud in surprise as she replied calmly “Nikolai... what the -”

“She kissed my cheek, Zoya!” exclaimed Nikolai letting out a squeal of delight and Zoya shushed him immediately because she didn’t want him waking you up “Aaaargghh! I can’t believe it!”

Zoya dragged a lovestruck Nikolai who was over the moon away from your chambers as he mumbled and waxed poetic about how divine your eyes were but Zoya hid a smug smile as she muttered under her breath “I’m winning that bet, Nina.”

And Nikolai Lantsov who was absolutely enchanted by you would toss and turn restlessly in his bed until he sunk into a deep slumber bewitched by beautiful and sweet dreams of you.

Taglist: - 

@cleverzonkwombatsludge

@khaleesihavilliard

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@hauntedenthusiasttragedy

@marissat1998

@queenofspades6

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@angie-likes-to-read

@thatsassyhufflepuff​

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@stickyfictioninwriting​

#six of crows #shadow and bone #six of crows x reader #six of crows x you #shadow and bone x reader #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov x yn #Kaz Brekker #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x fem!reader #nina zenik #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #wylan van sunshine #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #zoya nazyanelsky #genya safin #david kostyk #tolya and tamar #alina starkov #alina x nikolai #soc #six of crows fic #kaz brekker fic #nikolai lantsov fic

[loststarphounix]

Gundham’s biggest rival for Kazuichi’s feelings is definitely Rantaro. Like yeah he suspected that Hajime was another person he had battle against for the mechanic’s affections, but then he got together with Fuyuhiko and Nagito and that soothed his worries. He’s been playing the long game, trying to get the others trust before he makes his feelings known. It’s been somewhat successful- Kazuichi is more friendly towards him and likes hanging out, but he still doesn’t know the goths feelings for him.

But in their third year, Class 79 enters their first year and somehow the Ultimate Adventurer crosses paths with Kazuichi and the two seemingly become inseparable overnight. Rantaro always finds the time to come visit their class just to see Kazuichi (and Sonia and Ibuki but not nearly as much) and they go off campus alone nearly every weekend. It’s maddening and the breeder feels like he needs to act now before it’s too late.

He has the support of nearly the whole class - they’re tired of seeing the breede and mechanic have their “will they, won’t they” weird tango thing. Seriously, Hajime, Fuyuhiko and Nagito were never THIS bad. There’s even a betting pool hosted by Hiyoko (the brat) on how long it’ll take them to get together. Some have already lost, with the longest time period being five years-

So, as you can imagine, they’re all pretty much done with the whole thing.

One day, Gundham is hyped by Ibuki, Sonia and Hajime to try to ask the other out and they make their way to the garage, just to find Kazuichi leaning against his work bench, with Rantaro standing so close it looks like he’s boxing the other in. They’re both smiling like they’re sharing a joke, until the mechanic sees them and pushes off the bench.

“H-hey guys!” He waves, face beet red as he awkwardly smiles at the group. “What are you all doing here?”

Rantaro merely smiles serenely as he stuff his hands in his pockets. “Yo.”

Gundham frowns, pushing his scarf up to cover his face while Sonia and Hajime’s mouths twist into awkward upticks.

“HI HI HI HI!” Ibuki skips into the garage, her bubbly energy more than enough the banish the awkwardness, “We came to see if Zucchini wanted to go out to that new night club tonight! Ibuki wants to dance till her heart gives out!”

The smiles grows into something more fond as Kazuichi chuckles at the girls antics. “Maybe not until your heart gives out, but yeah! I could definitely do some dancing!”

”We were just talking about that actually,” Rantaro smirks, “I was just trying to convince Kaz to go with me. But more the merrier.”

“We’re gonna paint the town red!” Ibuki cheered.

“Wait - all of you? You mean Gun too?” The mechanic looks at the taller teen, his expression slack with disbelief.

Sonia, seeing her friend in mild distress, steps up. “Do not be fooled! Gundham is a demon of many talents and can certainly ‘shred the bed’!”

“It’s ‘cut a rug’, Sonia.” Rantaro beamed and glanced at the breeder. “I liked to see it. Never seen a demon dance before.”

Huffing, Gundham lowered his scarf at glare at the green haired boy. “Then prepare to be amazed, mortal! My serenade is bound to drive you to madness!”

Rantaro simply smiles serenely, but Kazuichi gives him a curious glance. He seems to want to say something, until he’s interrupted by an another student who tells him about a generator malfunction and they both rush off. The rest trail off in a less hurried manner, the up first year giving his phone number to Hajime when he discovers he doesn’t have it, before they split up. Ibuki is excited for tonight, loudly proclaiming all the fun and wonderful things they’ll be able to do.

Hajime laughs at her theatrics before turning to the other boy who has been suspiciously quiet throughout their whole conversation. “How come you never told us you could dance? Kazuichi loves dancing, you know.”

To his surprise, the breeder suddenly looks - scared? He looks away from them, burying himself into the folds of his scarf as he admits in a hushed, shameful hiss.

“I…I do not possess the ability of dance bewitchment.”

And the other three stop in, eyes wide in surprise.

Well. Fuck.

#they try so hard to teach him in less than 5 hours #and it’s just not working #Kazuichi Souda loves dancing #i’ll die on this hill #don’t know if this’ll be a fic or what #i just wanted to write it down #Kazuichi goes out to clubs just to drink and dance and Rantaro goes to dance with/against Kazuichi #he is also playing the long game but is making big moves #yea he was about to kiss Kaz before they came in shhhh #danganronpa #danganronpa 2 #goodbye despair #sdr2 #soudam #kazuichi x rantaro #kazuichi souda #gundham tanaka #hajime hinata #rantaro amami #drv3 rantaro #sonia nevermind #ibuki mioda #silly fic rant thing

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: “He doesn't love me. He's not that stupid.”

Song: Rosyln - Bon Iver

For Tolya x Reader please!! could be with Tamar and he overhears etc. or something else x

By Stars - Tolya Yul Bataar

Yes.

Is this sad or angsty, I honestly cant even tell anymore it is my default.

Content Warnings: No Beta/Proof Reading, Feelings???

"This is a celebration," Jesper reminds you, handing you a drink.

You take it, nod at him and hope his attention will return to Wylan, but Tamar is watching you like a hawk. She has been trying to decipher exactly what you're thinking since the burning of The Darkling's body.

She'd rather hoped some of that infectious hope and joy her brother was expressing would have reached you by now. But you were still quiet.

She has her best guess as to why. Tamar, no stranger to romance, to the eyes that linger longer than they should. To the way a heart beats that much faster when they move near. To the way a tone can change when speaking a name. Tolya may be the one to read the high romances of poetry but Tamar is the one to know them, to recognise them.

And you have been holding your breath, keeping your self close, arms tight across your chest, focusing on keeping your heartbeat as calm as you can, trying not to give yourself away.

Tolya smiles at you from his seat and there it is, that leap in your chest and Tamar's guess has all the evidence she needs.

"Okay," Jesper smiles, another drink in, "go on then, read us something you gentle giant."

Tolya laughs and looks up from his book. "From this?" he asks.

"From a confession if you like," Jesper says, leaning back and into Wylan who is watching him with those bright adoring eyes of his. Had you ever had doubt in love, the time spent with the crows would have swayed any doubt. Nina's dedication to freeing her love. The selfless and understanding quiet of the love Kaz and Inej clearly share. And the love that is bright and shining between Jesper and Wylan, so bright even through all of his obliviousness Tolya noticed.

"I still recall the wondrous moment: When you appeared before my sight As though a brief and fleeting omen, Pure phantom in enchanting light," Tolya reads aloud. Wylan turns his eyes from Jesper to smile at Tolya.

"You know I find that quite wonderful," Wylan states.

"Don't encourage him," Tamar groans. "He will start recalling from memory."

"If you insist sister," Tolya's tone is jovial and light and Tamar tries to brush his words away with a hand and a glare, but it does not discourage him. "In ecstasy the heart is beating, Old joys for it anew revive; Inspired and Saints-filled, it is greeting The fire, and tears, and love alive."

"Excuse me," you say getting up. Tolya's eyes follow you as you leave, but it's Tamar who walks out the door behind you.

"You are upset," Tamar says, joining you by the wall outside.

"I am not," you attempt to lie.

"Well I could've told you that isn't true without the ability to listen to your heartbeat," Tamar says. She bumps your shoulder gently, a reassuring gesture, a familiar one. "Talk to me."

"There's not much to talk about," you say.

"Because you're stubborn and want to keep your feelings to yourself or because he is my brother?" she asks out right. You whip your head to the side to look at her and she shrugs it off, giving a knowing look up to the sky. "I am not too wrapped up in the pretty women to ignore those around me."

"Nadia is very pretty," you say, trying you deflect.

"I am surprised you noticed, I thought you only had eyes for my brother."

"I don't have eyes for your brother."

"Oh, and the second lie so far," Tamar says, "come on, you don't have to lie to me, or to you, if it runs that deep."

"I... what is the point?" You ask.

"You have feelings and they're clearly affecting you, that's the point," Tamar says.

"That's my own fault," you say.

"Walk me through it," Tamar insists. You want to tell her to leave it be, but Tamar is persistent. And also brutally honest, so maybe hearing the need to move past and move on from her mouth instead of just the voice in your head will finally do the trick.

"We made it," you say quietly.

"We did," she smiles.

"We... all made it," you reiterate.

"By the Saints."

"And he was so happy and so proud and he had," you inhale deeply, "and he shares that joy so willingly."

"He is always himself," Tamar agrees, her eyes are watching your smaller movements, listening to the shuddering of your breath. She wants to help, to calm you down, to push off your nerves, but you asked long ago for no interference and she respects that. You want to feel what you feel, even now, even when you don't.

"So when he said he was so glad that I was okay, and he wrapped his arms around me, I forgot how to breathe, and for one- blindingly stupid moment I thought... I don't know what I thought, and it doesn't matter because it wasn't real."

"I wouldn't assume to know my brothers feelings so easily," Tamar says, "he might surprise you."

"Tamar, I fell in love with your brother a long time ago, he does nothing but surprise me," you say. Tamar tilts her head impressed at the honesty, impressed more at the bluntness.

"You cannot know his mind without talking to him," Tamar says.

“He doesn't love me. He's not that stupid.”

"To love you isn't stupid," she says, "besides if he did not love you, that would not be about you. I am somewhat convinced my brother is not built that way."

"Between his books and his faith what more could he need?" you ask.

"You're asking the wrong person," Tamar points out.

"I am not asking," you reply, "not really."

He held on just a moment longer than you thought he would, smiling down at you and that was it took for your hopes to jump high above your expectations, and come crashing down into you when he finally let you go. You do not know what you thought would happen, that you would win, all make it out alive and finally the timing would be right, things would be different, you would know it because you would feel it in the way he looks at you. But all you feel is this regret at letting yourself think it would change, letting yourself be disappointed in something that you knew would never happen. Your love for Tolya did not need to be requited but in the moments you hoped it would be, you had broken your own heart.

"For someone who reads so much of romance, with such a true admiration for the poetics of love, my brother is not always aware enough to recognise it, I have watched the same two lovestruck fools dance around each other for the same time that he has, and he has seen nothing where I have seen all that was unsaid but equally wanted," Tamar gestures. "He would not presume to know your feelings for him, because he sees love as something on a page, between the words and the mind. I think he has never considered it as something he might do, but that isn't to say he can't."

"I do not think you give him enough credit, you should have seen him with Jesper and Wylan," you state.

"A blind man could see what was happening between Jesper and Wylan," Tamar offers. "I think you should talk to him."

"I do not wish to waste my time Tamar, and it would be better that he know not at all, keep him in this blissful ignorance instead of him feeling some obligation to be delicate around me," you say.

"My brother would not treat you differently out of pity, his feelings are only ever genuine, and his actions intentional," Tamar defends.

"I do not want him to see me differently, and I do not want to hurt myself further, please let me wallow in peace," you say. Tamar sighs.

"You won't come back inside?" she asks.

"To listen to him read poems about love, show the beauty of romance, and wish for something else?" you ask. "No I shall wait for this feeling to pass, as it will pass, and I can be normal for him again."

Tamar just shakes her head, and says nothing else as she leaves.

You stare up and the sky is so dark and the stars so bright that that ring of light is soaking into the darkness, giving the stars a bigger brighter saturation, and you just want to breathe the cold air in and deep better. But you now just feel alone.

You feel the movement behind you before you hear the approach. "Tamar I have nothing more to say about it," you say.

"Not Tamar," comes Tolya's voice and startles you. You turn to look at him and he is so much closer than you realised, you want to chastise yourself for not noticing, for letting your guard so completely down.

But you were always like that with Tolya.

"I did not mean to upset you," Tolya says.

"How much did you hear?" you ask, leaning back on the balls of your feet, the guilt of all you may have put on him pulling at you. He goes to speak but his eyes give him away. "So everything." You sigh. "it's not your fault Tolya. My feelings are my responsibility."

"And so are mine," he says, coming to stand beside you as Tamar had before him. "You know, for all my love of poetry, I cannot claim to have felt what these poets have in their ways."

"Tolya, you don't have to explain," you say quickly, "I did not mean to put this on you-,"

"You are putting nothing on me," he states.

"I am not asking you to love me," you say, looking at your hands, begging them to stay steady.

"I know you're not, but I am not telling you I don't," he says. You look at him now, and his eyes are soft and golden, and his expression kind and light. He looks like the things poetry talks about, by the light of the starred night. "I care about you, and I don't know if it's in the way you want me to, but I don't know if I have ever felt that way, or if I will ever feel that way, but I need you to know that in my way, in all the ways I know how I do love you." You give him a weak smile and he feels your heartbeat steady for the first time all day. "Maybe I am just that stupid."

"You heard that?" You ask, relaxing enough to allow your shoulders to lean against him.

"I can pretend I didn't if you like," he offers. You laugh, and it's gentle, like the moment.

"I loved you: love may not have died

completely in my soul,

but don’t let it disturb you,

I don’t wish you any pain," you recite, your breath standing cold in the air, but the feeling ever warmer than before.

"I loved you without hope or voice," Tolya continues.

with diffidence, jealousy,

as tenderly, truly, as Saints grant

you may be loved again."

#shadow and bone #six of crows #tolya #tolya x reader #tolya yul bataar #grishaverse #fanfiction #Tolya is so aroace coded that when I am writing romance stuff it shows #platonic love is one of the most important things to me #tolya my darling I adore you

[lady-ashfade]

Red ribbon

Kaz brekker x Child!Reader. (Platonic!) 

I wanted more sibling like pairings, my inner child needs this. (Made me really happy to make this.)

This is like a blurb/Drabble because idk the difference.

Readers appearance: Looking like Jordie, so looking like kazs sister if he had one. Skin tone, hair and skin but it’s never mentioned really . Just the hair type being used and mentioned of looking like Jordie.

Warnings: Fluffy, undertone of a little angst, this is really short, but this is just a cute little thing I want to do.

He had no idea what he was doing. This was never a problem, and never should have been a problem. But you were so happy when you saw the red ribbon and begged him to put it in your hair. He had offered for Jesper and Inej to do it, Inej knew girl hair and Jesper has his wits..But kaz brekker knew nothing about this.

“Come on, you’re so slow.” You wiggled and whined in the chair. Kaz sighed and held the ribbon in his hand and looked at you through the mirror with a glare, “I can still walk away.” He stated. And it was true, if you were going to be annoying he wouldn’t continue. Huffing you stood up straight and waited for him to get to it.

He remembers what Inej taught him to do, taking two strands of hair by your ear and clipping them together. So he started to find the hair and pulled them back and did the same to the other side, this wasn’t hard but he was still worried about doing it wrong.

This was a small thing to worry over and dirtyhands shouldn’t stress over it but here he was, stressing. Kaz wanted nothing more then to see you smile and happy, after taking you under his wing you grew close too him. You looked so much like him…It was sometimes hard to even look at you. But you were a hope of light that was sent into his life and he was going to do everything to keep you safe.

Smiling in your seat as you see him finally getting to the ridden, you almost couldn’t keep still. Watching him tie it and make a bow you giggled and waited for him to be done. He rolled his eyes and pulled his hands away from your head and looked up at you with a annoyed look. “Happy?” He asked.

Jumping up and put your face against the mirror to look at yourself, “Very!” Shouting as you swing your head from side to side. His stomach filled with warmth at the sight of you…The joy of a child was healing some part of him inside. “I need to show the others.” You shoot up and ran passed him and to the door, “Thank you!” He watches you slide to the left and run down the hallway.

He groaned and took a big breath. “That kid.” He shook his head as he remembered telling you never to run down the stairs and you always ignored his commands. His lips curled up and he smiled lightly at the thought of your smile, how you made him feel. You were his family, you were the crow’s family.

Jordie would have loved you…

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #Platonic kaz brekker x reader #Platonic kaz brekker #six of crows #six of crows x reader #fluff #inner child healing

[jahayla-parker]

freddy carter x wife!reader

okay so what if y/n just feels extreamly safe around freddy and he does these little thangs to make sure shes safe. like walking on the side of the road so shes not next to the cars, or pulling her behind him slightly when he sees someone of something and doesnt want to risk it

Ahhh yes I needed fluff to work on and add in my baby boy Freddy and I’m a super happy writer 💜

Safe In His Arms : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: 2.7k wc, Freddy’s wife y/n loves the seemingly small ways her husband makes her feel safe, and the way she wants to spend her life in his arms.

Warnings: none really, maybe the reference of a guy staring but that’s all. Otherwise fluffier than cotton candy 💜🖤

Other: y/f/to = your favorite takeout (restaurant or food)

Y/n rested her head on Freddy’s shoulder as he chatted with his costars in the pub.

Freddy grinned down at her, his hand on her hip pulling her body closer despite her being right against him anyways.

Amita smirked at y/n across the table as Ben and Freddy kept talking.

Y/n smiled back at her before pressing a secret and soft kiss to his shoulder.

Freddy held up a finger to Ben to pause the conversation, turning in his seat to look at his wife with a wide smile.

“Doing alright my love?” He asked, his eyes scanning her for any signs of distress.

She nodded, kissing his lips briefly, neither one typically being big on PDA.

Freddy stroked her cheek with his thumb as he stared into her eyes, “promise?”

She giggled, wrapping her arms around him, “promise babe. I’m good here in your arms”.

He sighed quietly, pulling her back into his embrace and pressing a small kiss to her forehead.

“Go on, you were saying” Freddy reminded Ben, looking back at his friend.

Ben laughed and nodded, picking up where he left off.

“Honey” y/n said, looking over at her husband as he grabbed their drinks.

He smiled down at her but frowned as he saw the look in her eyes.

Freddy discarded the drinks on the table, his hands moving to her shoulder to pull her against his chest.

She snuggled into his arms, smiling faintly against his torso as she calmed her breathing.

“That’s it my love. Keep breathing” he encouraged, rubbing her arms.

Once she’d calmed down and he couldn’t see the worried look in her eyes, Freddy stepped back to look around.

“What caused this reaction, darling?” He asked, scanning the scene for the issue.

She sighed, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort even though it wasn’t the same as Freddy’s.

Even before they were married, she’d always felt safe and secure in his arms.

It didn’t matter what was going on around her, what she was dealing with, what potential threat was present, his strong arms being around her made her feel like she was in the world’s most secure vault while it was guarded by people who swore their life to protect its contents.

He was also always looking for ways to protect her, even from minor inconveniences or stressors.

Freddy knew his wife could handle herself if need be, but he didn’t want her to need to.

He took immense pride in helping her feel safe and comfortable wherever the couple went.

“Darling,” Freddy whispered gently, pulling her from her train of thought.

“That guy over there” she sighed, pointing to where some man was leaning against the wall eyeing some poor woman.

He frowned, and nodded, pulling the back of her shirt until he held her in his arms, “did he try anything?”.

She shook her head, rubbing his chest calmly with her hand, “no baby. I just… it was creepy”.

Freddy pursed his lips as he watched the man from across the room, his stare nearly as intense as Kaz’s.

“Sorry, it’s just…” she mumbled, playing with the wedding ring on her finger.

“Uh uh, you do not need to apologize for seeking me, love” he argued, squeezing her in his arms.

She chuckled and nodded; well, as much as she could given her head was squished against his chest.

“I’m serious, I need you to know you can always come to me” he replied, glaring once more across the room.

Y/n leaned back in his arms, his hands holding her from falling backwards, “I know Freddy”.

Freddy proudly grinned, “why don’t we get out of here darling?”

She nodded, moving to stand beside him.

Freddy intertwined their hands as he used his other hand to grab her bag and his coat.

He slid some cash from his wallet across the counter to the employee before following y/n outside.

He smiled to himself as she took a deep breath of fresh air and grinned while starting to walk down the street.

Freddy shook his head, tugging her hand to signal for her to stop.

She spun around and removed her hand from his as she crossed her arms over her chest, “I thought we were going home so I could have a nice night in with my husband”.

Freddy laughed at her pretend pout, placing his lips on hers until she smiled again.

He pulled back and took the jacket from his hand, delicately placing it around her.

Y/n watched him in awe at just how sweet he always managed to be.

“Love, come on” Freddy said, trying to move her arm into the sleeve, “a little help would be appreciated”.

She giggled and slid her arms into the sleeves of his coat as he secured the front to keep the breeze from hitting her.

“Thank you Freddy” she whispered, smiling at him.

He smirked, “no longer mad I slowed us down?”

She rolled her eyes, “I wasn’t mad”.

Freddy laughed, “I believe you complained that my brief pause was preventing you from enjoying your night with your husband”

“I said no such thing!” She scoffed, glaring at him, “I said a nice night in, Fredrick!”

Freddy raised an eyebrow in question as he stared at her.

“I have been enjoying a nice night with my husband, thank you” she tsked, “I simply stated I wanted to get home to enjoy a night IN as well”.

He laughed and shook his head as he listened carefully to her words in this silly argument.

“My apologies, but I’m sure your husband will understand” he smirked, grabbing her hand and kissing her ring finger.

“No because that’s what Nancy said”. y/n pointed out to Kit as they walked down the street.

Freddy internally groaned as he mentally tried to communicate with Kit without interrupting his wife’s conversation.

He kept tapping him and looking at the road but kit wasn’t paying attention.

He wanted to yell at Kit for taking the inner side of the sidewalk and having y/n stand on the side near the cars.

Normally he wouldn’t risk interrupting her catching up with his coworkers, especially since they loved her and had all become such close friends.

But he practically lunged forward when a car came too close to the curb for his comfort.

Freddy gave his wife and Kit a kind smile before he walked in front of her.

“Freddy, hun?” She asked slowly, giggling faintly.

Kit raised an eyebrow at him, “your not normally prone to jealousy Carter”.

It was true, Freddy had learned years ago how deep y/N’s love for him went and that was more than enough to trust her around anyone who might try to flirt with her.

So even if he would find himself envious of the other man in some way (such as the man having more success in his acting career, etc), he didn’t feel jealous of their presence around his wife; he knew how loved he was and how strong their shared bond was.

Freddy rolled his eyes, carefully grabbing y/N’s hand and guiding her to the other side of Kit, “there. As you were”.

Amita laughed loudly as Freddy returned to his position behind his wife and Kit.

Ben simply patted him on the back with a smug smile and nodded in approval.

Y/n glanced back and grinned at her husband before looking forward as she and Kit continued to catch up on his recent travels.

“I thought you were going to jump out of your skin for the last five minutes straight” Amita joked, putting her phone away, having caught the disgustingly sweet interaction on video.

Freddy shrugged, “it wasn’t safe for her to be by the road”.

“And if Kit switches back?” Ben teases loudly with the intent of Kit hearing.

Kit turns his head back enough to smirk at Freddy who groans and glances over at his beloved wife.

He gives her a sweet smile before looking back at Kit just as Kit turns his head back around to see where he’s walking.

“Then I will personally shove Kit out of the way and stand between her and the road myself” Freddy smirked.

Y/n giggles and shakes her head at him without turning around, the others look around at each other unsure if he’s joking or not.

“So wait, your agent actually-“ Freddy began but stopped as he noticed a strange man heading their way.

“Yeah, she said-“ y/n replied slowly , confused by his pause.

Freddy wrapped the hand he had on her back around her waist and moved her behind him, “save that thought love”.

Y/n watched him as he put his body between hers and the stranger she just noticed.

Freddy protectively eyed the man up and down as he neared them, “stay behind me please”.

Y/n hummed softly so he could relax a little knowing she would do as he asked.

The stranger all but ignored the couple as they passed, Freddy letting out a sigh of relief once he left.

“I’m safe Freddy” she assured him, leaning her head on his shoulder once she returned to his side.

He beamed down at her, kissing the top of her head, “good”.

“Freddy?!” Y/n exclaimed as she exited her meeting and saw her husband leaning against the wall outside the door.

He smiled shyly, shuffling his feet a bit as he looked up at her, “‘ello darling”.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, instantly stepping closer to him and resting her hands on his chest.

Freddy chuckled and nodded, “I just didn’t want you walking home alone, especially this late”.

Y/n smirked and looked out the window teasingly as the sun beamed into the room.

He blushed and shrugged, biting his lip anxiously, “okay, maybe I’m a little overprotective of you”.

Y/n sighed contentedly and tugged on his blazer’s sides to pull him closer.

She smiled widely at her husband, her eyes glimmering as she shook her head softly, “I love you”.

Freddy grinned and tipped his head down to gift her a grateful kiss, “I love you too y/n”.

She had these afternoon meetings for a whole week as her agent booked a big contract for her and they needed to go over the terms in detail.

And just as she had the first time, each time she stepped out of her meeting she came face to face with her handsome husband.

Freddy was always patiently waiting in the hall when her meeting ended.

He switched spots a few times, but never ceased to be present when she was done in order to walk home with her.

On the last day of meetings, she finalized the date and time for her shoot before she stepped out of the room.

Y/N’s eyes scanned the room, an unconscious frown forming from her disappointment when she didn’t see her husband in the hallway.

Soon she felt arms wrap around her waist, the feeling of his hands and the sense of safety that followed instantly giving his identity away.

“Did I tell you how radiant you looked today, my dear?” Freddy whispered into her ear as he held her back to his chest.

Y/n smiled and leaned her head back to gaze up at him lovingly, “you always do, gorgeous”.

Freddy kissed her nose, smiling as she giggled and lowered her head before spinning around in his arms to face him.

“What’re you ever going to do now that I’m done with the contract meetings?” She teased, straightening his dress shirt from the winkles her movement caused.

Freddy rolled his eyes playfully, holding her tightly in his arms, “not stress as much”.

She shook her head, “why were you stressing? With you as my husband, no one would be stupid enough to try to harm me”.

He grinned and bit his lip, moving one hand to stroke her face tenderly, “as much as I appreciate that, I’m only Kaz on TV”.

She rolled her eyes and softly hit his chest with an open hand, “Fredrick James Carter, love of my life, I married you. Not fictional Kaz. While you do play him flawlessly, and look breathtaking while doing so, I only want you. I only need your protection”.

Freddy’s face reddened deeply as he analyzed the sincere stare she was giving him, his lips curling up slightly, “I’m glad you want me, after all, Leigh could kill-“

Y/n gasped and smacked his chest again, “don’t you dare suggest that Mr. Carter!”

He laughed loudly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she glared lightly at him, “my sincere apology Mrs. Carter”.

She hummed and nodded firmly, “that’s what I thought”.

Freddy chuckled, pressing his lips to her forehead.

They stayed like that for a bit, just frozen in the moment.

When he pulled back and took her bag from her as he began to guide them home, she squeezed his hand and stopped.

Freddy turned to face her, confusion clearly written all over his features, “honey, are you okay?”

Y/n nodded, closing the distance between them and staring into his eyes, “I wasn’t lying Freddy”.

He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows as he waited for a clue to what she was referencing.

“Whether you feel it’s true or not, I do” she explains, wrapping her arms around his torso.

“When I’m in your arms Freddy, it’s like nothing could hurt me” y/n whispered, smiling up at him.

Freddy broke into a wide grin, his dimples deepening as his cheeks flushed, “truly?”

She nodded, “ask Amita. The other day she was joking about you being protective and I told blurted out ‘I always feel safe in his arms’ ; to which she wouldn’t shut up about”.

Freddy beamed and pulled her to him, his arms around her as he rested his chin on her head, “I’ve genuinely never been more proud and honored, my love”.

Y/n snuggled into his chest and they stayed like that for a few minutes, her enjoying his steady embrace.

She pulled back and stretched her legs upwards to give him a delicate kiss to his smiling lips.

“Well, if I’m honest” Freddy murmured, gently lifting her left hand up to his mouth.

Y/n watched as he smiled wider while looking at her wedding ring before lifting his eyes to look into hers.

“It probably is about equal to you saying yes to marrying me” Freddy finished, pressing his lips tenderly on her ring finger.

She blushed and when he removed his lips from her finger, she moved her hand behind his head.

“It wasn’t even a decision. It was so simple” y/n told him, playing with his hair.

Freddy blushed darker, shaking his head slowly as he stared in disbelief at the love of his life.

“I’m glad you feel safe in my arms darling, because I love you being in them” he admitted, tugging her even closer with his arms he had hooked behind her waist.

Y/n gently pulled on his hair to have him lower his head while holding his gaze lovingly.

Freddy complied, hanging his head down mere millimeters from hers, “I always want to have you in my arms, y/n”.

She pressed her lips to his passionately, Freddy moving his with hers instantaneously; his arms of course steadily holding onto her.

“Then I think we have a deal because I always want to be in them, Freddy” she whispered as she stopped the kiss in need of air.

“The deal is the deal” Freddy joked, winking teasingly at her.

Y/n laughed loudly, making his smile grow more pronounced.

Freddy adjusted his arm to place it around her shoulder so he could hold her to his side instead; needing to be able to walk but not wanting to let her go.

He wasn’t sure he would ever easily let her go now that he knew that she felt safe in his arms.

“Let’s head home darling and we can cuddle while waiting for take out hmm?” Freddy offered as y/n slid her arm around his lower back.

“Y/f/to?” She inquired excitedly.

“Clearly” he smirked, “and the red blanket you love should be done drying”.

“What are we waiting for?” Y/n gushed, tightening her hold on him as she sped up.

“Nothing my dear, just know we’ve got a lifetime ahead of us” he chuckled, walking faster to keep up, “and I intend to have you in my arms for as much of it as possible”.

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#freddy carter fluff #freddy carter x you #freddy carter x y/n #freddy carter x yn #Freddy Carter #freddy carter x reader #Freddy Carter x wife #Freddy Carter x wife!reader #Freddy Carter protective #my writing #sab cast #original post