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#i love him

He does!!! Oh my goodness, R4-G6 really doesn’t like Satine. He’s tried out so many tactics in order to stop her from dragging Obi-Wan away from you– driving straight into her shins, tripping her, zapping her, pretending to malfunction in front of her, all of the above.

He sees Satine making her way over to where you & Obi-Wan are standing, chatting away with laughter. He sees the way she’s stomping in your direction that he knows she’s going to try & split you two up, so he races over to her, darting in-between people on the dance floor, just to fly up high enough to knock straight into her back & she stumbles into a Senator, who stumbles into a couple, who stumble into a servant carrying drinks, who stumble into the servants who are wheeling the cake out. It’s a domino effect & R4-G6 is proud of himself, until he sees you & Obi-Wan looking at him with your arms crossed against your chest.

G6 freaks out because oh no my parents are mad with me.

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What is the right time? In our very finite time on this earth, what is the right time to do something? When is the right time to finish studying? When is the right time to be successful? When is the right time to fall in love? When is the right time to say ’ I love you ’ to someone? When the is right time to marry them? When is the right time to introduce them to your family and hope it goes well? When is the right time to rebel? When is the right time to run away?

I’m 25 and some months. When is the right time to marry for me? Why is anything done beyond a certain age defined by a society that is always ready to shit on you and stifle every thought that is not in assonance with theirs considered the wrong time? Why is everything then considered a compromise? Why is anyone who doesn’t want this considered an outlier, a deviant from the accepted norm? How do I change this? How do I change this for me?

My parents want me to fall into this rut, a life of mediocrity, where someone who makes a lot of money will marry me cause I’m pretty enough to bear him white looking children, he’ll learn to love me, I’ll learn to move around him, to adjust to him, to live with him, but I sure as hell will never be in love with him.

Getting used to someone and caring for them because they’re around us is not being in love.

How do I make them come around the idea that I want to explore love; that I’ve never done it in the past because I always thought of their reactions first and my feelings later, that this time around I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t stop how I feel, that this is not a ploy to get out of being with someone of their choice.

How do I get the freedom to explore? Should I have done this earlier so that I wouldn’t feel like I’m suffocating every second of everyday? It feels like theirs an invisible noose around my neck that they pull with their manipulation everytime they want me to do something their way.

They’re not wrong in the way they are thinking, a comfortable life for me with a guy who makes money. That’s how everyone wants their daughters’ lives to be. But what about what I want? Is their a right time to have had made money, a certain amount, an unbelievable salary? Because I know they’ll accept everything about my choice, but the part about money, and putting pressure on someone to succeed in a hurry for a relationship that’s not even 3 months old. When is the right time for me to tell him that he’s it, there will be none better than him ever, you know without spooking him out, that I’m not saying this because he’s my first, that he’s my first because I feel that way about him

I am so overthinking everything, but he is everything actually. He really is. There’s a reason no one before him made sense.

I’m only 25, why does it feel like I’m lifting the whole world on my shoulders? I don’t want this burden, I don’t want anything, I don’t even want this life.

I told him I’m in a good mood today, why do I say things like that, nothing good ever sticks around with me, not even the mood, except for him.

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GÉLIDO AZUL…

Quién iba a pensar qué iba a gustar de él. Quién iba a pensar que me iban a desordenar las emociones un par de ojos que no me miran. Quién iba a pensar que iba a querer tocar una piel que no está cerca. Quién iba a pensar que iba a pensar todo el día en alguien que no piense en mí, en alguien que no sabe de mi existencia. Quién iba a pensar que iba a tener un amor platónico, un sentimiento por alguien a kilómetros de distancia. Quién iba a pensar que se puede querer a alguien sin siquiera ser parte de su vida, ¿está mal lo que siento? ¿lo esta? Diganme que no esta mal sentir todas estas emociones. Tal vez sólo es una ilusión, una creación de mi mente, tal vez no, tal vez realmente es una creación de mi corazón. Me quedo viendo la noche estrellada e imagino el sentimiento de estar con él, pienso en todos los momentos que podria vivir a su lado, en las palabras que podria decirle, pienso en su mirada en esos ojos tan hermosos, tan electrizantes, ese azul gélido qué te penetra el alma. Cada vez que lo veo pienso en ellos en la manera que se ha de sentir ser observada por él, imagino cómo sería ese momento en el que sus ojos me mirarán por primera vez, seria como sentir una corriente eléctrica atravesar todo tu cuerpo para después congelarte en ese preciso instante, tan perfecto. Pareciese que Dios se ha robado el azul del mar, pero no cualquier tono de el, pareciera que eligio el momento perfecto, una hora especifica por la tarde, cuando el mar tiene ese tono gelido, brillante, maravilloso, para luego plasmarlo en sus ojos. Pareciese que tomó el color rosado de las flores para plasmarlo en sus labios, tan hermosos tan él. Imagino a Dios creandolo, decidiéndose a tomar la estrella más brillante y hermosa de Andrómeda para plasmarla en su sonrisa, decidiendo tomar el universo mas precioso para plasmarlo en su mirada, seleccionando las características más bellas de sus Ángeles para después colocarlas en su rostro, y decidiendo tomar toda la bondad y la amabilidad que gobierna en su reino para plasmar la en su corazón, en su alma. Me lo imagino creandolo , tan perfecto, y es que eso es él, un ángel, va por la vida caminando sin alas, sin poder volar, pero en cambio sabiendo volar como nadie. Porque sabe lo que quiere, sabe hacia dónde va y sabe cuál es su destino. Es compasivo, bondadoso, maravilloso en todo su esplendor. Es de esos seres que Dios ya no manda a la Tierra, es el ultimo regalo que Dios le hizo al mundo. Me siento cursi escribiendo estas palabras, unas palabras para una persona que jamás las va leer. Es mi amor platónico. Espero algun dia, el pueda verse de la misma manera que yo lo veo, como alguien destinado a cosas grandes, inimaginables, fantásticas. “F.A.A”

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