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#i love him he is king of my island of uruk and i worked so hard to get him home
not-shamhat · 4 years
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Judgement is upon you, indeedaroo
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kingofdesert · 4 years
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Legs rested on the table, a chalice in hand and its content swirling as conducted, a starlit sky his audience and company, and of course, his loyal right-hand man. A glance towards the object of recent obsession, The epic of Gilgamesh, a sigh passing smiling lips and the thoughts roamed free.
“ Do you think Gilgamesh deserved immortality, Daz? ” He had waited for the other to read it, for the other to participate in his musings, even if Daz was more of a listener than speaker. 
“ No. ” Came the response that urged genuine laughter, a sound as rare as two identical grains of sand. He valued his honesty and straight-forwardness, the man wasn’t bothered by the same questions Crocodile was after all, and his interpretations unlike of many others mattered to him. 
“ Because he was considered a violent king? Because he raped women? Because he defied the will of gods? Or because no one deserves immortality? ” Velvety liquid rolled on his tongue before being drank, leaving a pleasant taste in mouth. “ And yet the proof of his immortality is still right in front of us, his epic tales told for centuries. It just isn’t immortality he had wished for. Gilgamesh struggles with the concept of his own death, gaining wisdom on his journey to discover immortality and painfully realises that his goal is unattainable. His grim outlook on life forces him to accept his worst fear – that someday he will die. A life of luxury abandoned for years in search of unattainable it makes me wonder why Gilgamesh sought so strongly to be immortal when his life as a king, a judge, and an adventurer was ultimately gratifying. ”
What is it about immortality that people craved it so much in the first place? Why do they fear death? Then again, even Odysseus elected to return home to Penelope rather than remain in an island paradise with the beautiful nymph Calypso and become immortal. He was someone who was handed what Gilgamesh craved, and yet he found something much more important. Would Crocodile himself had gone for immortality if he had the chance? Or would he crave something else, something unattainable like he did before?
A look towards the outside as he stopped, sardonic smile on his lips. If that wasn’t a real question though. Why had he also searched for unattainable when he was aware he couldn’t have it? Was it just human nature at its best, was it arrogance or wish to chase after something? Even if it wasn’t possible, if there were no regrets and the person hadn’t given up, was that enough to make one’s life worth living? Would that have made him satisfied? Was that the idealistic thinking he had before? What a joke.
Everyone was afraid of something. Gilgamesh was of his death, Crocodile was...
“ Sometimes in order to overcome something, be it fear or your own twisted view on reality, you need the actual reality to hit you in the face. Only in that moment of lost hopelessness are you able to come to terms how wrong you actually are, and how little you actually matter. All beings are equal in death. Even if you can’t choose your own, in that instant moment when you die, when your brain shuts down, you’re the same as everyone else. A king and a slave die the same, gods and people die the same. If Gilgamesh had come to terms with this earlier, he could’ve spent the rest of his days ruling Uruk in fake happiness rather than depressing wild goose chase. What a foolish king. ”
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Daz watched him walk towards the balcony, Crocodile’s arms resting on the balustrade and watching the city below, while the man’s eyes focused on the golden hook he left on the table. He was again thinking his boss let a whole weight behind every time he took it off, as if the golden hook that set him apart from the rest was a burden of previous regrets, or perhaps his own reminder of his own mortality. Most times it was hard to even guess what went in the man’s head. “ Fake happiness... Interesting choice of words. Because he didn’t have anyone to share it with? ” 
Crocodile scoffed, what a simple way of understanding. He didn’t hate it though, that was how Daz was. It was what he liked about him. “ He had plenty of people to share it with, but the most important and valuable person to share it with wasn’t there anymore. ” Even if he had called him out for mourning his friend, he could never truly blame him for it. It was the most humane Gilgamesh was in the whole epic. 
“ What happened to your Enkidu? ” Question that tickled the part of his brain he didn’t want unlocked, a reminder of pain he had felt and loss he had suffered. But he would indulge his friend, if only with bits he wanted to share himself. 
“ Just like in the epic, Enkidu died. He died fighting by my side as my best friend and my brother-in-arms. Ever since I could remember I chose who to consider trustworthy and who to regard as a mere tool. My own family was just pebbles in my way, but not him, not my friends, not even those working for me. They all had value. ” He turned towards his friend, took the last sip of his wine before turning the golden chalice into dust. “ Your loyalty to me is most admirable, you should never tarnish it. You’re my friend, Daz, but you’ll never replace him. Nor do I want to replace him. As long as I’m alive he’s living in my memory palace, I still hear his voice, I still feel his touch. ” I still miss him, I still dream of him.
Daz nodded, he didn’t even ask for more, he was quite content with the friendship he shared with Crocodile in the first place. He smirked though, cherishing this rare moment when Crocodile would show his humanity. “ You’re softer than you look. ” 
A hearty laugh in response, back against the balustrade and he focused on the city again, the light illuminating it and cheers of people. “ I just value the ones I deem worthy since I love the splendour of human soul. That’s all there is to it. ” 
A moment of silence between two friends, a moment to think of the words uttered and their meaning, a peaceful moment that didn’t need breaking until Crocodile decided to break it, intruding on whatever thoughts Daz might’ve had. “ If you want to sit in a position where no one can sit, you have to withstand the feelings no one can withstand. I think Gilgamesh would agree with this. ” 
After all, he knew why he loved and hated the epic of Gilgamesh. It felt like reading about himself, his own mistakes and failures, his own happiness and riches, the luxury and the fall. Yet, after all those losses he was still there, still alive and much wiser. A wiser king to rule his subjects, to start once again with goals he knew he was able to reach. A man who wouldn’t see a snake shading and think it was becoming younger, deluding himself in his own beliefs of something which doesn’t exist, or a man who wouldn’t grasp and eat the acquired plant when it would grant him what he desired, hesitating in the crucial moment.
Through his experiences he was able to reach that. That was all there was to it.
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