#i love the unreliable narrator it means i can do whatever the fuck i want tbh

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

the shroud parents

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about this for a while 🤔: “Why are the Shroud parents so warm and loving when the impression we had of them from Idia are so... negative?” And then I realized it’s very obviously because CHARACTERS CAN BE UNRELIABLE NARRATORS.

Like. That does NOT mean that what happened to the characters didn’t actually happen. The events very obviously DID happen as described (especially as it pertains to post-OB flashbacks), but it’s how the characters tell the information that paints the perception of events and how certain elements are presented or omitted entirely.

***Content warning: I briefly mention a few dark topics under the cut (including suicidal ideation and depression) and link to a related post on those topics!!***

As an example, let’s look at the Shroud parents. Idia previously described his grandma and dad as being very gloomy and negative people. He also says his parents as being the types to value results over their children’s feelings. We also notably do not see Mr. or Mrs. Shroud in Idia’s backstory flashback when he was going through a difficult patch of coping with Ortho’s death. This all led to us having an impression that the Shroud parents were cold, distant, calculating, and just overall not very good parents. Then we meet the parents in book 7 and Mrs. Shroud is SUPER bubbly, and both parents readily welcome Ortho as an official member of the family. It’s a huge juxtaposition which completely recontextualizes the information Idia previously gave us.

Idia is Mr. Doom and Gloom, a huge pessimist. It could be possible that he was greatly exaggerating elements of his parents’ personalities, usually when it pertains to them asking him to do something he doesn’t want to (ie pulling him out of school to research on his classmates). Alternatively, it’s implied that he barely left his room for two years following Ortho’s death. The lack of the Shroud parents in Idia’s flashback could indicate that as their own method of coping, they distanced themselves or they gave Idia space to heal on his own. Or maybe Idia was even the one who actively shut his parents out? It’s extremely possible, especially given that there are theories floating around that Idia’s memories and thoughts are greatly impacted by grief, depression, and/or suicidal ideation.

This makes me kind of want to go back and reevaluate all the other OB boys’ flashbacks and see just how much of the information could have been colored by the bias and the perspectives of the storytellers 🤔 POV actually adds a LOT to whatever is being told!! Like you can tell in Riddle’s flashback that even though he now knows his mom’s parenting has fucked him up, he doesn’t appear to hold any ill will toward her. He’s moreso confused and unsure how to proceed, feelings which are perfectly encapsulated by Riddle asking why his chest still hurts, even though he has followed every rule his mom has set for him. As a result, Riddle is shown to be a lot more hesitant and charitable to his mother compared to other people.

Interestingly, fans are quick to bypass Riddle’s own neutral telling of his story and demonize his mother (I think maybe because his circumstances are more relatable?), whereas with Idia he tells us the worst of his parents and it paints our ideas about the Shroud parents in accordance with Idia’s telling.

I also wonder if the fandom’s assumption that Leona’s whole country despises him or that Azul’s mom didn’t know about him being bullied is true at all??? Because if you think about it, Leona’s flashbacks only ever depicted palace servants talking badly about him, which are not representative of all of the Sunset Savanna. We don’t meet locals that speak badly of Leona in his hometown event either??? Then for Azul’s flashback, you can’t really take omission of information as confirmation of anything.

This line of thought also applies for the information the boys relay to us; how much of it is embellished or slightly altered in order to project a certain outward image to their peers? Especially considering how NRC is teeming with (mob) students ready to pounce on you if you seem weak??? It’s really interesting stuff to think about.

#Ignihyde #twst #Azul Ashengrotto #Leona Kingscholar #twisted wonderland #Riddle Rosehearts #Idia Shroud #Ortho Shroud #disney twisted wonderland #spoilers #notes from the writing raven #tw // depression #tw // suicide #tw // suicidal ideation

[iamthecomet]

Water!Dew pics have me bringing up all kinds of feelings now the line up has changed again, I love to hurt Dewey and angst and unreliable narrator suit him so well, he loves the pack and the new Ghouls but he feels so on the outside now the one who held him through his change left him, even worse,he could be next to go 🤭😇

I think about this a lot actually. Dew's grown so much since his days as a water ghoul. And the days after his transition. He's different. Confident. Better. But he still doesn't do well with change. He's better at hiding the way it hurts now. Better at stuffing it down and hiding behind bravado. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean he doesn't lay awake at night with an ache building in his chest, panic clawing up his throat as he worries about what happens next. He had found security in the way things were. And it doesn't matter how many times he tells himself that he's been through this before. That he will get used to this too. He feels like the world is dropping out from under him, hopelessly out of control, floundering. Aether and Sunny retiring. Copia getting increasingly paranoid about his future with the church. New ghouls. Dew plays cool. Projects ease into all of his actions. Anxiety and hypervigilance disguised as untouchable confidence. He doesn't allow Aeon or Aurora to get too close. Distances himself from the others as much as he can manage just to keep himself sane. He doesn't even talk to Aether as much as he used to--or as much as he wants to. He's fine. Admitting he needs anything is admitting that something is wrong. Talking to Aether about how he feels means admitting that things don't feel good. That's he's worried. That it bothers him. And he told Aether it was fine--to make whatever decision felt best. Dew stands behind it on the outside, and screams about it inside his head. Dealing with it by himself doesn't really work. But he doesn't know what else to do. He feels weak. Everyone else is ok with it. Unbothered. Happy. So why is he so fucked up? He can't voice his worry without feeling crazy. Can't say he's worried about himself. Worried about Copia. Worried about everyone he loves. Worried that what happened with Terzo could happen again. That it could be Copia next. or Rain, or Swiss, or Mountain. Or him.

#comet comments #comet canons #dewdrop ghoul #dewdrop lore #dewdrop charaterization #ghost headcanons #ghoul thoughts

[battle-subway-ghost]

Intro.

Never been good at introducing myself.

Call me Ghost. Or Paris, I don't really care. Ghost's been an alias for a few years now, so do whatever you want with that.

I used to fight in the Battle Subway, so if you're from Unova and frequent it you probably know me from there. Unfortunately I moved to Galar a bit ago, so that's done now.

If you think you recognize me, firstly no you don't. I keep my face private for a reason. Secondly, don't come up to me if you aren't looking to have a battle. Not gonna force you but I don't like talking to strangers outside of that.

Yeah so my horse accidentally posted a video of me getting attacked by my rival's Froslass. So my face is kinda out there now. Don't fucking harass me or shit like that, don't be a weirdo. (and no, this doesnt mean ill be posting pictures of myself. Don't ask.)

(and for the love of arc don't try taking a picture of me. Some people have been trying that lately, and not a single time has it actually been me. Stop being weird and taking photos of random men with blue hair. I'm not recognizable.)

My team however, is a lot more recognizable than I am. Speaking of, it'd be pretty rude not to introduce them.

Full team of 6, I know, but that's not all, I've got 3 more non-battling Pokemon.

Cheri the Rattata, Joe the Rattata, and Bean the (albino) Alolan Rattata. I'll probably be posting about them quite a bit, they're my babies after all.

Oh, I also have a Weedle now. His name's Grungle. Training him to be a battler so far, we'll see how it goes.

I don't have much else to say. I've got battle strategy tips but most of what I know is specific to my tastes, so dont expect much.

Hello! This is the OOC part of the introduction >:) I follow from @act11as! Muse is an adult, mod is a minor, don't be weird, etc.

Please note the blanket unreality warning in the description, I do not tag #unreality to avoid flooding the tag, but I do try to tag all non-out of character posts with #pkmn irl in case you need to block things from your dashboard at times! On that same note, OOC posts will be tagged as such, and I will mark them with green text (though often not past the first line, because it can be grating to look at after a while)

All trigger warnings will be tagged as "[word] tw" for the sake of consistency. And if I forget to tag something, please shoot me a dm or an ask!

Additionally: Please note that I am autistic and very chronically ill. I may have to end things earlier than they were planned to be because I just suddenly had a flare-up, and I often misinterpret/forget things, o7 please feel free to remind/correct me if I do!

-

Guidelines? I guess?

Literally any kind of pokemon irl blog can interact! Sentient pokemon, eebydeebies, evil teams, whatever. I'm chill with anyone, though the muse may not be, keep this in mind. If you want to do something, send me a dm! I'm more than happy to discuss things ^^

IN CHARACTER anon hate, be it just being an ass, homophobia, etc. etc. are perfectly fine. Note that I probably wont respond to all, especially if it seems to go a bit too far. (same vein: Feel free to start arguments with him if you want. It's always fun to write him angry <3)

^ Additionally, feel free to harass him for the bit. Just for funsies. I love playing into it if you can't tell!

PARIS CAN AND WILL BE AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR. Do not believe everything he says at face value, he often lacks information or will just full on lie.

Extra:

Pelipper Mail, un-mail, and Malice are always open! Feel free to torment this guy whenever you so please. (links go to the source posts for all 3 lol)

Musharna mail, (sending dreams) and Musharna malice (sending nightmares) are always on! Once again feel free to torment this guy.

Magic anons are usually off, unless I specifically specify otherwise!

Some organizational tags:

#[nickname] the [pokemon] - Most posts about Paris' pokemon should be tagged like this.

#rival tag - Tag for posts mentioning/about Paris' rival. (rival?)

#mylah tag - Tag used for @/tinkatinktrain- who was formerly anonymous.

#bluebird anon/bluebird tag - Tag used for @/blu3b1rdsss, similar situation to the above.

Lore? I guess?

#A Frosty Reception / #A Frosty Reception 2.0 - Takeovers of one of Paris' childhood friends. done twice because I kept getting sick :(

#Gone Fishing Arc - Paris fucked off into the woods and almost never returned! Good look into his character.

#Kicked to Kanto - Smaller thing, what it says on the tin.

#Team Fauna - Inconsistently tagged, but should have the vital bits in the general area? (Check "Cult tw" if otherwise). Paris goes undercover in a cult. He's very smart.

Anddd for music lovers- Here is his playlist.

#pkmn irl #pinned #// original to this was made in June/July (i forget) of 2023. I've just remade the post entirely since then #// The trainer card profile for the mons is a placeholder I do want to do something custom again #// but also this has been in my drafts for over 2 weeks I've been waiting to post it. so here we go

[docholligay]

The House in Fata Morgana: Door Six--The Maid's Tale

I have never reviewed a visual novel before, but iscahwynn made me a very generous offer and a long line of patience, knowing that we are trying something very new. To that end: Please don’t spoil me for the game at all! If you are reading this, I have only gotten through the part written above, and I don’t want to be corrected, even if I’m wrong, even if I’ve missed something, i don’t want to have anything confirmed or denied, and I don’t need any trigger warnings or extraneous explanation. Iscah would like my pure, naive experience of the game. Thank you!

Okay so this was not God’s most thrilling episode in Fata Morgana, admittedly. That’s not to say it was bad, but it’s a lot of ground that we already have been over, and it leads to an idea that we’ve been introduced to within the story before, with a few extra details, some of which are neat, but regrettably none of which seem to do enough to deepen the character of Giselle that I can fully adore the chapter, and the end of which is definitely prolonged in a way that doesn’t keep me engaged. 

Spoilers below:

Genuinely the most interesting idea that comes up in this is something we’ve thought about mildly before, but really haven’t delved into deeply, and that is: At what point along the line do you stop being yourself? The whole point of this chapter is to watch Giselle lose herself, bit by bit, on the backdrop of stories we know. And i LOVE that. I love watching Giselle try to protect herself, but in trying to protect herself, she is chipping away at herself, bit by bit. It’s like, you know how freezing preserves things? But, if you leave it frozen for long enough, it gets freezerburnt, until eventually, whatever you saved, is inedible. Is nothing. Bears no resemblance to what it was. What is the moment for that? 

This is a thing that I love thinking about. I love the idea that you can’t trust yourself, and how easily we can be convinced that our memories are different. How we are all the unreliable narrators of our own lives. You tell yourself a story enough times, and the details get tweaked just enough, each time, slipping further and further away until the cliff of the reality falls away into the sea. What does truth even mean, if the story that now stands has meaning to us? I love this idea that so much of Michel is no longer a memory but a STORY, and in being a story, it can change as it needs to, which is what leads us to the white haired girl. 

I am still not certain that Michel ISN’T Michelle, somehow. I don’t know why i persist in this even though the story keeps telling me no, and I’ll be honest, I don’t even want to deal with whatever strange gender handling they would have around it, but it feels like too much of a coincidence to me that there’s two weirdass put-upon albinos running around this mansion. Also, could that be what she’s talking about when she says, ‘You havent’ figured it out yet?” because I BELIEVE I HAVE. UNLESS. Unless. What if Michelle is a construction created by the witch, in order to fool Giselle and drop her down into despair? That’s something I could not only live with, but seems to fit the general super-evil we have going for Morgana, and I think I would like it as a narrative bit. 

Speaking of being two people and being one person, I actually sort of love the idea of Giselle also being the witch, even though I know we’re not going to have that be any kind of reality within the story. The idea that to protect herself, she could have split like that, that the witch fell in love with the boy who revived her (Very interesting also, that. So Michel did make a deal with the devil, that wasn’t just part of the mythos.) and when he rejected her or whatever I can imagine might have happened, she constructed this whole beautiful story, and then it wasn’t beautiful enough still, and so she created yet another layer of story on top of it. The fucking palimpsest of our own personal histories. Incredible, love it. I don’t think it’s something the story is doing, but I love the idea. 

I love how I was like ‘This wasn’t a super exciting episode” but I’ve spent like 500 words talking about this one aspect. I’m not lying though! It’s just that this one idea is SO good that it barely matters that the rest sort of drags. 

We give Morgana a lot of shit within the story for manipulating Giselle or whatever, and I’m not saying she’s great, and in fact I admit that she is a mustache-twirling villain, and I love that for her. But. Morgana could have been very straightforwardly, ‘babygirl I am going to emotionally tear you down over hundreds of years, but I promise you, you will find him, reconstructed to be your Michel. If. If. You can keep yourself long enough to find him.” and she would not even for one second let Morgana fucking FINISH before she said, “Yes. That’s great. I’ll do it.” 

It is funny to me though, when Hayden shows up and she’s like, “Oh, i learned a few words of English in 1099, THAT’LL BE ENOUGH TO CONVERSE.” Okay, you have to be fucking shitting me, I have no idea why they didn’t just do the, ‘The house translates what I say into English or Spanish (We never bring it up in Spain) or whatever” It’s such a bizarre thing to specifically call out, and I think it’s actually more clunky than not having it be brought up at all. I did very much love the line, “Blood is nothing but an obstacle to ambition.” I thought that was great. 

Okay, if I don’t talk about it now, i’m not going to: I LOVED the part where she asks if he thinks she can even come close to being the same person, if she might not hate him after having waited all this time, after his sacrifice also made a sacrifice of her. What does it mean to love her, now that she is irrevocably changed? He is Michel, reconstructed. But she is not Giselle, reconstructed. She is Giselle, who has been forced to go on. She has nearly a thousand years behind her, of watching and waiting and loving and hating. She is Giselle and she is the Maid and she is the Witch and she has wanted the best of beasts and men and white haired girls. I loved that! If course, she backtracks it so so fast, and that frustrates me because that could be so much more interesting than just literally finding her again in the darkness and, I don’t know, hitting Morgana with a chair. If he had to own up to being willing to love her while she hates him. 

Love this line: “Some times I think love and fanaticism are the same thing.” I totally fucking disagree but I love the line, and I love the bitterness that comes out of the line. 

“The Story behind the Story” is such an odd way to open the next door, and puts me in mind of something like a behind the scenes writing documentary mid-VN, which would be fucking hilarious and amazing.

#Doc plays The House in Fata Morgana #Doc plays games #Commission review

[piratesofthedarkwidesea]

So I’m just re-watching episode 3 and... I really love the scenes between Louis and Jonah and.. it just occurred to me how extremely human these scenes make Louis look? Like his accent getting all strong makes total sense in the context of him talking to someone from his youth, someone who is a Black man as well.

But it it also occurred to me this is the first (and only?!) time we really see Louis flirting? Like we’ve never seen him have this kind of confidence before? He was very much denying and fighting his homosexuality when he meets Lestat (you can see it quite explicitly in a couple of scenes, also him concluding this could never happen again after having sex with Lestat for the first time). But Jonah is somebody he is familiar with, someone he knows is also queer, plus it is already established there is some mutual attraction which is being rekindled. But it is Louis actively flirting with him. Asking if he remembers their shared youth [and their “early fumbles”], which is in part due to Lestat watching them, I guess, getting even with him in a way, calling him out on his “of course”. 

But but BUT what I really wanted to say (sorry for getting off track a bit there ahsdhoas) is... there is no vampire moves to it. There is no indication he’s reading his mind, influencing him in any way with his newly won powers (which he is also still rejecting to a degree at this point). Just some very human “do you remember” and “look at my cool car” (aiosdadhs Louis I can’t even 😂😂😂). It’s just so abusrdly cute and very deeply human in a way? 

And I do kinda see how Lestat is jealous here, because Louis has never been flirting with him like this. And he keeps telling Louis (and us) how much he wants Louis to explicitly say / show he loves him? 

I mean of course it is on the other hand very obvious how Louis wasn’t like that with Lestat when he met him. One part being him struggling a lot more with his sexuality and his shame about it there. But also Lestat is being very active in pursuing Louis. Louis describes it as being hunted (we’re gonna ignore the unreliable narrator level here bc I don’t wanna go this deep here - and also bc I do believe it in general terms, I guess). Like there are parts where we see Lestat taking it kinda slow, including Lilly there to ease Louis into it. But also then getting very insistent, basically jumping a distraught Louis who is in shock over the death of his brother (with he witnessed first hand, his mother blaming him for it etc.), not leaving him alone... But then here on the other hand also Louis isn’t being only passive here. I love how it is very clearly him initiating the kiss with Lestat after Lilly is out of the picture. All these nuances and complexities really are what makes their relationship so compelling I think!

And uh... I guess I also have some thoughts about Lestat courting Louis and Vampire Moves tbh (bc I introduced the absence of them in Louis flirting with Jonah) but this post is already so long 🙈 What it does probably boil down to though (not 100% sure bc I haven’t really thought this through yet). But, in my view, he isn’t even using his Vampire Moves much? Like yeah he is in Louis’ mind and showing some tricks but... more in a showing off way than in a manipulative way? Like whatever Louis is trying to tell us here, he is just really attracted to that French guy. He may also be repulsed by him in some ways (or maybe more by his visceral reaction(s) to him, hm, Louis?) but damn he wants to fuck that guy so bad it makes him look stupid. 

And yeah you might raise the argument that Lestat does use his Vampire Moves when he’s in Louis’ head, pestering him about how he is not gonna be ignored  right after Paul died. But he first walked up to him when the family were on their way to the cemetery and.. was pestering him in quite mundane ways there, you know? Like him being in his mind was driving it to a head a bit more quickly and dramatically maybe but... knowing Lestat he would probably also have been able to be an absolute pest, just showing up again and again, not taking no for an answer (and he basically does so in ep 6, doesn’t he?). So yeah Louis is talking about vampire bonds and mind gifts but... he attracted to him. Big time. I ain’t buying your angle here, Louis.

(Only that of course I kinda do, bc Lestat is a narcissistic manipulative shit in certain ways as well. And doesn’t take no for an answer. Neither in ep 1 nor in ep 6. But then ep 7... weeelll... layers and all 😅😂 But I hope you still get my point.) 

#interview with the vampire #musings #me watching stuff #whoa shit this got loooong #oopsies #lestat de lioncourt #louis du pointe du lac #jonah #louis #lestat #long post

[gamesception]

lets read rgu, chapter 25

Hrm.  Entering the last volume of the collected paperbacks.  Entering the final battle seems more like where yhou’d want to end a volume rather than start a new one.  66 pages for the next chapter?  I’m a bit burnt out, might not make it all the way through.  And those other two chapter titles...  Black Rose Seal?  Wait, is this the last chapter, and then there are side stories?  Azure.... Ruka maybe?  Eh, one chapter at a time.

So when we left off, Akio was claiming to be Dios, despite having killed him and turned him into a ring five seconds ago.

Yeah, there’s that inward statue again.

Wait, wait, what?  This is implying that Akio /liked/ helping humans, but saving little Utena when she fell in the river was just too much no thank you, if we save one drowning girl we’d have to do too dang much!  So I’ma destroy my other self!  It’s... like, am I supposed to take this as an unreliable narrator thing?

OOOOHhhh, ok.  That makes more sense.  Akio had already rebelled and cast down Dios, and as he faded away he reached out to utena and passed her a part of his power to keep it from Akio.  That...  I mean, it still feels weird that this is something that happened recently, in Utena’s lifetime, in the modern world, and not fairy tale long ago times.

So a part of Dios was left with Utena as her ring, and part with Anthy as the sword, keeping him from fading away.

Ok, so there’s our stakes.  Take out Akio, bring back Dios, save Anthy from turning into seafoam or whatever.

Yup, all the recap and set up is out of the way, and it’s time for rolling initiative.

After fighting back and forth a bit Akio cheats with magic / metaphors.  The Prince’s role is still defined by self sacrifice, suffering for the sake of the princess.  Anime Akio fell from grace and lost the power of the prince by letting Anthy take that pain for him, Manga Akio killed Dios to avoid that pain.  Utena has to shoulder it and fight through it if the wants to become a prince and save Anthy.

And it does come back to Anthy, even if the manga remains a few steps less overt about that than the series.  As it has been about the various sexual themes in the show in general.

Anyway, commitment to Anthy is the magic key to bring back Dios, if only for a moment.

and Manga Utena finally prioritizes becoming a prince who can save Anthy over reuniting with the prince who saved her.

And it’s actually a solid moment to end the fight on - with a meaningful turning point in character development driving the outcome of the duel.  Works really well.  Good job with the conclusion of at least the last and most important duel in the manga.  Very satisfying, ending on a high point.

Of course, the role of the Prince is sacrificial by definition.  Looks like Utena isn’t making it out of the Manga’s climax any better than she did out of the anime.

Fuck you, buddy.  A very nice little moment out outright defiance from Anthy.

Oh, wait, more notably, Anthy isn’t fading away anymore.  She’s already been saved.  I guess she’s found a new love worth living for.

Which also gives Utena one final power up to finish off the already wounded Akio...

Nice inversion of the Akio defeating Dios pose

Ok, so there’s a bit coming up here that’s a bit confusing?

This sounds like she’s restoring the Dual Akio/Dios from before, but that doesn’t seem to be the case, because then they immediately explode and maybe turn into a ring?  I guess she means they’ll be together now in non-existance the way they used to be together in existence, with both personalities faded away and remaining only as the ring and/or sword.

Also apparently doing this kills and/or non-exists Utena, I guess because she was also fused with Dios at this point, so even though her sword wound seems to have magically healed she’s still getting the sacrificial Prince treatment.

Anthy, now entirely out of Princes, rescues Touga and the student council as the castle collapses, and, drawn by Utena’s voice, catches the ring containing whatever is left of her brother/s & maybe also Utena.  If the ring symbolizes the prince, does that make Anthy the prince now?:

Back to the school, and to Touga.  He meets up with the student council, but none of them remember the duels, or the castle, or Utena herself.  Only he does, I guess because he hadn’t been coffined.

But Chuchu’s still around, and even has a little Utena outfit.

And Anthy’s here, too.  and she is doing the whole Prince thing, as implied by catching the ring.  She looks good.

They have a moment where they reminisce about Utena, but Anthy assures Touga that Utena isn’t gone - or even stuck in the ring like I thought.

And that’s where the story ends.  A bit more concrete than the anime’s ending, but still the same core moment of Anthy, now free, leaving the academy and setting out into the wider world to find Utena again.

And while I’m personally more invested in the more abstract and metaphorical stuff the anime was doing in the end, the closing chapters of the manga were still very strong.  Much more so than the middle bits, so yeah, it’s nice to end on a strong point.  I don’t think I have any hollistic overarching comment or thought to sum everything up.  The art was good.  The story mostly worked.  It won’t displace the anime at all in my heart, but still a compelling alternative rendition - not doing as much or delving as deep, but the core between Utena and Anthy is still there.

Glancing ahead, the remaining two chapters are side stories toughing on bits from the anime that didn’t make it into the manga story proper.  I don’t think I’ll do full reacts like this, but I’ll read through them and post some brief thoughts over the weekend.

#rgu #sception reads rgu #revolutionary girl utena

[leatherbookmark]

that being said, and i'm sorry for being a cunt, but

it's... very irritating to read mxtx gushing about how utterly likeable wwx is, how cute lwj is when he's got wwx on his brain, how xy is "trash yang" (this is not from the interview but from the chapter comments), or... whatever she said about jgy... is the interview in japanese or chinese? i've seen chinese terms brought up by the translators and i just ???

it's just like. girl? are we all stupid for reading like, moral greyness, unreliable narrators, Layers into your work? her answers can sound so... idk, shallow? at times. the part abt her "feeling bad for jgy, but please go die now" stayed in my mind for obvious reasons, and now the 狡猾, because: no, wait, hold up, why? i want to hear more! you wrote this character, this antagonist who isn't even working against the protagonist, who's similar but different, whose circumstances are tragic and understandable as such, and you just go... cool motive, still villain, go die? like, seriously?

on top of that, i always wince when people describe jgy as cunning, crafty, plotting, treacherous, manipulative great actor etcetc, because it paints him as this... confident grey eminence who's got everything under control, rather than a guy who just... tries to survive... there was a post abt wwx's manipulation -- literally pissing people off into doing what he wants them to do -- but he's never called manipulative. but someone who doesn't know jgy would think his moustache is a thing straight out of uzumaki. it's like boiling xy down to an insane psycho who's so craaaazy and evil! 100% deranged! it's just incorrect. it's not even "well yes, but it's actually deeper than you think", it's just wrong.

...and then i see the author doing the same. AM I INSANE.

similarly, it's kinda strange to read her gushing about wwx and lwj, because while i understand on a technical level that People Are Different, most of the fic writers i know/have read are drawn to characters because they're fucked up, complex, tragic; they're a puzzle, a fascinating mechanism. not a great guy who's so great and amazing, seriously, who wouldn't like him. have i mentioned that he and his boyfriend are in love that's stronger than everything else in the world? like. did you... write wwx being supremely obnoxious as a teen while thinking he's the coolest guy imaginable?

there was a time when i, still in the clutches of cql wgxn, saw a couple of novel excerpts and decided i hated them. wwx was so annoying! lwj was so different and unappealing! i'm not gonna read this book, it's going to ruin the characters for me! and i mean. it kind of did, but also it didn't. and i sort of... feel this way about the word of god. like, yeah, some of that stuff is interesting, although it's not anything i'd consider invaluable or even particularly enlightening -- but mostly. it's just annoying

#shrimp thoughts

[eclecticcfangirll]

my favorite things/moments from red white and royal blue

so basically like the whole book but bear with me 

“they’re saying you got your asshole bleached” “that one is true” “i thought so”

the fact that june and nora are so clearly fucking but we have the most unreliable, oblivious, self-centered narrator ever (affectionate) so its never actually put into the books

“a strawberry-blond, whip-smart democrat with high heels, an unapologetic drawl, and a little biracial family”

june’s plane reading material like what is she on

nora calling alex out for crushing on henry right off the bat. literally on page 10. sis knows whats up lmao

“maybe it is technically a rivalry. whatever.” enemies to lovers is winning

the ENTIRE viscount convo at the wedding please😭😭

“its cute how you think everything is about you” “it should be honestly” “thats the spirit” 

the double meaning when alex is thinking about how his fingernails were too stubby to pick out the staples in the pic of henry because his hands weren’t “like a girl’s” 

“he’s too perfect. alex wants to poke it.” 

“sorry i’m not obsessed with you like everyone else. that must be confusing for you” “you know what? i think you are” iconic

ellen reading the word “cake-tastrophy” with audible distain

alex seeing the paper that says “agreement of terms” and being like “um”

“so you can hate the heir to the throne all you want, write mean poems about him in your diary, but the minute you see a camera, you act like the sun shines out of his dick, and you make it convincing” (ive had this memorized since the first time i read it lmaoo its ingrained in my brain forever)

“have you met henry? how am i supposed to do that? he has the personality of a cabbage”

what the fuck is competitive yachting 

“does he get one of these for me?” “yep. and for the record, making it was one of the most depressing moments of my career” 

“okay. ill do it. but i wont have any fun” “ god i hope not”

alex thinking his type of love story is more shakespearean and then june saying his and henrys situation is shakespearean

“who does that? who names a dog david? he sounds like a tax attorney. like a dog tax attorney. drink.”

the image of baby alex trying to force an orca wrangler into early retirement because of “inhumane whale practices” 

alex’s internal dialogue about shaan (and luna for that matter. god hes so bisexual)

i know henry planned that riding practice so he could come around the corner all bathed in the sunset on a white horse in perfect riding clothes

“haven’t decided yet, but astonishingly, it will not be based on you. remember how we sometimes talk about things that are not about you?” “yeah, weirdly”

“’sorry. er. i was just. cornettos.’ he gestures vaguely toward the refrigerator, as if hes just said something of any meaning”

every time alex refers to henry with any sort of royal title

alex almost missing the question when on a literal talk show bc hes too busy admiring how hot henry is in his sweater and button down (relatable)

alex always describing henry and his eyes with words like fresh and soft and blue 

alex being into politics because he genuinely cares about people 🥺 it really is the better timeline

“you know, we have got to stop ending up like this”

“you’re not the prince of me?” “bloody hell”

alex bucking his hips up into henrys 😭 i just know henry almost blacked out lmao

“i cannot believe even mortal peril will not prevent you from being the way you are” yeah 

the way they know each other so well without even knowing each other (henrys above comment^, alex calling him out for not being who he is, the entire closet convo and them both just instinctively getting things once they actually stop and breathe for a second)

“wow, youre wrong” the most alex thing ever

i need to be inside cash’s brain to see what he sees when he opens the closet door and they’re just laying side by side on the floor, blinded by the sudden light

“no booty calls” *literally uses it for booty calls*

bitch mcconnell 

the way alex describes every attractive man he encounters in vivid detail, practically drooling over all these men, and thinks hes straight

luna immediately trying to get alex to admit hes gay for henry lmao

“you wound me” “you exhaust me” “i enchant you” “ill call security” 

all the random emotions alex finds to explain the hot flashes from hot guys doing hot things 

“alex you need other friends. friends who arent in congress” “i have friends! i have june and nora” “yes, your sister and a girl who is also a supercomputer” 

“but we were ever so careful, dear” 

alex being comfortable around henry not caring what henry thinks and being “as weird and manic as he wants” 

“i dont know who you think you’re kidding, you hufflepuff-ass bitch”

shaan has a “motorbike”

“like a dickensian street urchin” pls

henry describing like everything about sailing and alex saying “cool” eight hours later 😭😭

everything about pez

alex canonically watches videos of justin trudeau speaking french and thinks hes straight 

“he would really appreciate it if henry would stop proving him wrong”

“you are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life” “thanks!” 

“tell shaan i say hi and i miss that sweet sweet ass xoxoxo” “i will not”

the entire part of the Great Turkey Calamity. im not even gonna be specific with this one. the whole part. from the part with alex and ellen talking all the way to the texts aboout henrys dad being a babe. everything in between those. its too good to even make a list. how does she come up with this shit. its so good. 

“henry’s got his candy cane jim jams on” 

“he just doesnt often get told hes good enough” THE SIGNIFICANCE

junes reaction to finding out alex was talking to henry about family shit and then comparing it to a love story

alex freaking out about henry being on the guest list and nora going “this is interesting” i love her

alex with his lowercase letters and henry with his perfect grammar

them going from texting every couple of days to answering each other within seconds

alex saying henrys voice is “like very expensive velvet, something moneyed and lush and fluid all at once” 

alex throwing his head back and laughing and henry grinning at him is just so them

the hips convo and “watch me” *gulps down champagne* “i am”

the whole get low scene oh my god the imagery is so good 

“you absolutely must know i did not” and alex and nora being horrified henry hasnt experienced this specific experience

forever obsessed with nora and alex being ridiculously smart little nerds but both still being absolutely chaotic young adults who grind up on each other and kiss for fun and start rumors that theyre fucking. the character depth is delicious

“are they too drunk to communicate in english?”

“one, henrys lips are soft”

their first kiss is the equivalent of literal butterflies and cartoon hearts fluttering around and their second kiss is like the height of passion. we love it

“but he thinks about henry, and, oh” asjhkdfbdkbfkjsdfb

alex and nora are the exact people who would have a marriage of convenience planned out

the entire nora/alex bisexual talk lmaooo 

“still waters, deep dicking” 

“you’ve been, like, draco malfoy obsessed with henry for years-do not interrupt me-”

nora knowing henry is gay but in that way that gays just know and alex being like what???? because somehow this never clicked for him

nora and alex both being bi but reacting to it in exact opposite ways 

“the class is ethical issues in international relations. he really has got to stop taking classes so painfully relevant to his life”

alex seeing henry on a date in the magazine and spending a very short time being angry before his common sense and trust for henry and noras words all work together and then his realization and then him immediately being sad for them instead. and then him being like lmao im not straight

imagine youre liam and youre on a date with your bf and the guy you did gay stuff with in high school who is now the fsotus calls you out of the blue and asks about said gay stuff because hes having a sexuality crisis and then he apologizes 😭😭😭 liam is so funny too

“its alex. yeah, him” 

alex seeing henry in his suit and his immediate thought is how much he wants to rip it off

“oh,” henry says, like an idiot. 

“looking like the goddamn james bond offspring that he is”

“shut up, shut all the way up, oh my god”

i mean, the red room. dinner, hamilton, hot and heavy, god save the queen, yk

all of the inner dialogue from this entire scene lmao so aggressive

“he wants to follow the sound down his throat”

“hes unsure of the dress code for inviting your sworn-enemy-turned-fake-best-friend to your room to have sex with you, especially when that room is in the white house, and especially when that person is a guy, and especially when that guy is a prince of england” this sentence should just be the entire blurb honestly. hidden gem. 

“hes done research. he has diagrams. he can do this.”

“his stomach does some embarrassing acrobatics he plans to never tell anyone about ever”

“henry is tall and gorgeous, half royalty, half movie star, red wine lingering on his lips”

im sorry but if someone took my elbow and kissed me while smiling and simultaneously shut and locked my bedroom door i would simply pass out

“he can practically feel the wind in his hair. its ridiculous.”

“so, like, fuck the moors” 

alex “we’re still whatever we were before just, you know, with blowjobs” claremont-diaz being all “you went out with a girl” right off the bat lmao

“alex’s frenetic energy and henrys aching sureness” 

the descriptions

alex being obsessed with the little curve of henrys waist and his hand being there and that being his proper “god i love men” moment

“devastating”

when alex says wait and henry immediately stops and alex like reassures him oh my god

“hi” “hello” “im gonna take your pants off now” “yes, good, carry on”

im laughing so hard at henry being in love with him for so long and he finally kisses him and alex hurtles through a sexuality crisis and then is like “alright lets go fuck” 

“fucking eyelashes”

“alex is living for it, watching henry come undone, letting him be whatever he needs to be while alone with alex behind a locked door”

the part about the fruit basket like 1) lmao fruit and 2) i love that hes not weird about henry having experience like yes 

imagining henry copying alex saying “freaking out” aghh

“for fuck’s sake man, you just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me good night”

alex is so in love lmao

henry laughing <3

“it should not provoke anything visceral, carnal, or bodice-ripping in nature in him at all”

“you look...sweaty” “im gonna go uh. say hi to henry”

“enjoy your summit with the english delegation”

“fifteen days removed from henry swearing at the ceiling of alex’s bedroom and unsure of how to proceed” 

“what in the rich-white-people-sex-dungeon-hell?”

“he whips a thick leather strap off a hook on the wall and alex almost blacks out”

alex’s verbal reaction to the polo attire and henry trying to keep up

“henry is swearing up a storm, which is still disarmingly sexy”

“that shithole? not if i can help it” “oi! thats disrespect of the crown, that is. insubordination. ive thrown men in the dungeons for less” “hey, dont threaten me with a good time” ok london boy

the way henrys name in all the emails is different words that fit hrh

actually all the different names they use in all the emails overall

“and its all so fucking french”

“alex has to admit: henry really has a solid handle on his personal brand” 

“but perfect stoic prince charming laughs when he comes, and texts alex at weird hours of the night: youre a mad, spiteful, unmitigated demon, and im gonna kiss you until you forget how to talk. and alex is kind of obsessed with it.”

“and alex is drunk and fucking transported, feeling every moment of twenty-two years and not a single day older, some kind of hedonistic youth of history. birthday head from another country’s prince will do that”

“and alex’s heart goes so fucking weird that he has to put his head in his hands for a full minute. (but, like, its fine. its not a whole thing)”

“for the record, i agree with you, but also, tell me more” 

never seen a book bring up such a natural build up to a love of gay history and how important it is

“hes starting to understand what swelled in his chest when he reads about stonewall, why he ached over..” YES. THATS IT. THATS THE FEELING!!!!!!!

“i will chop my own tit off”

“i will staple your dick to the inside of your leg if it keeps it in your pants”

alex knowing when henry is in his moods and wanting to help

“baby”

the phone call where henry spills about his family and then alex spills about his past and then about both of their previous dating experience and mental health and gahhh

“two parentheses enclosing 3700 miles”

“i miss you” “i miss you too”

the way it ropes in how alex missing dinner with june brought up past shit for her

june finally snapping and them talking about henry

“you have so much in you, its almost impossible to match it. but hes your match, dumbass” ahhHHHHHHHHHH

“hes like some kind of billionaire, genius, manic-pixie-dream philanthropist.” yep thats pez

the facetime when pez and henry are in the car and alex feeling better because henry looks well rested and the goofy banter

llwynywermod does NOT sound like it should. idk what it should sound like but not like it does. 

henry using his royal accounts money for specifically charity yes

“hes always wanted to be a person with a legacy in this world. henry is undoubtably, determinedly that. its a little intoxicating.”

“yall do school weird”

june and nora drooling over pez LMAO “i want to put my fingers in his mouth” 

cash wearing a feather boa yes

dont stop me now. all of it. 

bea and alex and knowing how rare it is

god i can feel the joy

“bisexuality is truly a rich and complex tapestry” *june shoves napkin in his mouth*

“o captain my captain” “have you got talking points”

alex is literally drunk but he sees henry get nervous and immediately switches into Concerned Boyfriend Mode

travel size lube

f i n g e r s 

so much love

i know henry saw his love mirrored right back at him in alex’s eyes and knew he had to make a joke 

“theres something so incredibly intimate about sitting on the bed they wrecked the night before, the only one who watches him create Prince Henry of Wales for the day.”

“hes got a suspicion all these feelings are why he held off on fucking henry for so long”

“so this is the gang now, huh?”

“how is a man to get anything done knowing alex claremont-diaz is out there on the loose? i am driven to distraction.”

“o fathers of my bloodline. o ye kings of olde. take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. if only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when american boys with chin dimples are mean to him” please

i love alex going back to henrys emails when he is upset

“utah ugly, christian ugly, ugliness couched in dog whistles and toothy white smiles”

“not every white supremacist is a meth head in bumfuck mississippi- there are plenty of them at duke or upenn on daddys money” BLESS

“as if alex, first son of the united states, is unfamiliar with how campaigns work”

the text thread with henry alex june and nora lmao so chaotic

“1. tf is this? arent there poor people in your country? 2. ive already been in the royal box” “you are a delinquent and a plague. please come?”

“don’t worry, i dont think they can detect the thick air of horn-town betwixt you two from the lawn”

“all mischievous smiles and swooping cheekbones”

henry touching two fingers to the back of alex’s elbow mm

philip and henry are the equivalent of a strict parent and rebellious child. “oh you hate alex being in the box? we’re gonna go fuck in a supply closet then. fuck you”

the way henry got right up in his space but didnt kiss him im-

“just so we’re clear, im about to have sex with you in this storage closet to spite your family. like, thats whats happening?” “right” “awesome, fuckin love doing things out of spite” 

“and it should be- it should be funny. it should be hot, stupid, ridiculous, obscene, another wild sexual adventure to add to the list. and it is but...it shouldn’t also feel like last time, like alex might die if it ever stops”

“you’re brave. i could use some of that”

woman at her toilet

obsessed with alex and henry both having so much knowledge to share with each other 

“and alex’s heart doesn’t spread itself out in his chest, and he doesn’t have to grip the edge of the settee to steady himself. because thats what he would do if he were here in this palace to fall in love with henry”

“i see you more than i see clean underwear”

“if shes not giving it to you, im not giving it to you. shes much nicer than me”

“there’s this way henry has of listening to the erratic stream of consciousness that pours out of alex’s mouth and answering with the clearest, crystallized truth that alex has been trying to arrive at all along”

“oh fuck me” “blurgh” “fucking shit. goddammit ass fucker” “what” “jesus tits”

the mental image of this entire scene but especially “henry flies out of bed too. he truly is a picture, wearing an expression of bewildered panic and absolutely nothing else” 

“get in there” “quite” “yes we can unpack the ironic symbolism later”

“zahra is standing there with her thermos and a look on her face that says she did not get a masters degree to babysit a fully grown adult”

“it is, alex thinks half hysterically, a very solid visual pun”

“do i even wants you to explain what the fuck is happening here? literally how is he even here, like, physically or geographically, and why- no nope.”

“oh my god i thought you were getting into international relations or something” “i mean technically-” “if you finish that sentence, im gonna spend tonight in jail”

“youre literally putting your dick in the leader of a foreign state, who is a man, at the biggest political event before the election, in a hotel full of reporters, in a city full of cameras, in a race close enough to fucking hinge on some bullshit like this, like a manifestation of my fucking stress dreams, and youre asking me not to tell the president about it?” “um. yeah?”

“would it make any difference if i told you not to see him again” “no”

“ask me if im afraid of the crown”

“exploring your sexuality: healthy, but does it have to be with the prince of england?”

“history huh? bet we could make some”

“the phrase ‘see attached bibliography’ is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me”

“should i tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? that when i sleep, i see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when i wake up in the morning, it feels like ive just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? that i can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? that, for a few moments, i can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?

“ill let you look at one boob. the good one” “theyre both good”

“theres a combination of girl sounds from the back seat”

“hi love’ he hears henry say quietly, privately, right into the hair above his ear, and alex’s breath forgets how to do anything but laugh helplessly”

imagining henry grinning in the passenger seat and bopping his head to the music aghhgndksk

“lbj was obsessed with his own dick. he called it jumbo and would whip it out all the time. like in front of colleagues, reporters, anybody” “american politics. truly fascinating” “you wanna talk, henry the VIII?”

“a little appreciation for the patron saint of gender-neutral bathrooms in california? little shit”

“and alex is. well, alex is so in love he could die”

“-maybe even with the apron still on-”

“i didnt realize this was a jazz brunch”

the skinny dipping is so cute before it goes wrong

“hes spent too much of his life talking, talking, talking to not know the signs when someone doesnt want to hear him anymore”

“henry you motherfucker! henry, you piece of shit, get your ass down here”

“alex’s heart is going to fall out of his ass. henry looks unimpressed”

“really nice. fucking ghost me for a week, make me stand in the rain like a brown john cusack, and now you wont even talk to me. im really just having a great fucking time here. i can see why all yall had to marry your fucking cousins”

“seriously’ he says, helpless and indignant”

obtuse fucking asshole

“i fucking love you, okay?”

“i never imagined you would love me back” 

“what do you want? “i want you-” “then fucking have me”

THE LIVES WE WANT-- THEYRE NOT THAT DIFFERENT. NOT IN THE WAYS THAT MATTER. YOU WANT TO TAKE WHAT YOU WERE GIVEN AND LEAVE THE WORLD BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT. SO DO I. WE CAN FIGURE OUT A WAY TO DO THAT TOGETHER”

“tell me youre done with me. ill get back on the plane. thats it. and you can live here in your tower and be miserable forever, write a whole book of sad fucking poems about it. whatever. just say it” “fuck you”

“hes in stupid, unbearable love, and henry loves him too, and at least for one night it matters, even if they both have to pretend to forget in the morning”

“dont miss it this time. hes too important”

the copy of le monde

“thats not good enough for me”

“i honestly have never thought i deserved to choose. but you treat me like i do”

“what about you’ he says, as if he doesnt know-”

“diaz, you insane, hopeless, romantic little shit. it had better be forever. be safe”

prince consort road

i need someone to love my rambling like alex loves henrys rambling

everything about james I because i was obsessed before this book but now i really really am

“oh yeah. the top list of reasons to love you goes brain, then dick, then imminent status as a revolutionary gay icon” “you are quite literally queen victorias worst nightmare” 

bringing up david and jonathan yes ma’am

can i please slow dance in this room please its all im asking

“two homes side by side”

“hey, have i told you lately that youre brave” afTER HENRY SAYING HE COULD USE SOME OF HIS BRAVERY AGHHHHH 

“it is, indeed, bullshit”

“what is it american politicians say?- thoughts and prayers”

“and im there, using up your shampoo and making you come to the grocery store with me”

“here lies prince henry of wales. he died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock”

“because im not like the rest of the men in this family, beginning with the fact that i am very deeply gay, philip”

the rooms the rooms henry putting the bad memories in the rooms and then the vase THE WATERLOO VASE BECAUSE ITS TOO BIG FOR THE PALACE AND NOWHERE IN THE PALACE COULD HOLD HIS FEELINGS FOR ALEX AHHHHH

“happy and animated and so alive, a person living in dimensions i couldnt access”

“i thought, this is the most incredible thing i have ever seen and i better keep it a safe distance away from me. i thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire”

“and then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. can you believe it?”

“you love so much bigger than yourself”

henry being a beautiful writer and alex being a list maker is everything. play to your strengths i guess

speaking of lists: THE LIST THE LIST THE LIST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alex realizing how he brushed him off in attempts to make him feel better and how he accidentally hurt him too and acknowledging that and apologizing. we love a healthy relationship

“im calling you as soon as i send this, but i know you like to have these things written down” yes

“did you get engaged?” “*shrugs* i had the weekend off” 

zahra calling alex princess 😭😭

“oh fuck my ass” more great zahra content

alex being strong for henry in the car and calming him down instead of making it about himself when hes freaked and disgusted (and kinda violent) too 🥺

“you’re it okay? im never gonna love anybody else in the world like i love you. so, i promise you, one day we’ll be able to just be, and fuck everyone else”

“you do realize youre talking to a united states senator” “yeah, big fucking man”

the way alex tells raf is so intense and so them

“topography on the map of you, a world im still charting”

“your spine’s a ridge id die climbing”

“give yourself away sometimes sweetheart. theres so much of you”

“ik this is a sad part but “you horny little miscreant”

“what did you do?” what did he do?

“gay defcon five”

alex reacting to the leak decimates me every time its so heartbreaking but its written so well

“do you feel forever about him?” “yeah, i do” “then fuck it”

zahra pulls through frfr with the plan to go to london

“listen up you fuck” so affectionate

“i will personally make your balls into fucking earrings. i will scorched earth your entire motherfucking life”

“she pauses, presumably to listen to him agree because alex cant imagine him doing anything else”

“sweet and posh and shaky and confused”

“sweetheart”

actually just the entire phone call. the whole thing. true love

zahra and alex have such a fantastic dynamic

bea was fr finna hit philip with a guitar

when they see each other after the leak😭 dont talk to me

the description of grief when youre young and how it changes you is so perfect and concise and beautifully worded and it makes me cry

“i love him, with all that, because of all that. on purpose. i love him on purpose”

“six feet of boy curled around kicked in ribs and a recalcitrant heart”

“alex’s ears are ringing”

the way she pointed out that philip said “if youre gay” i never even noticed this but people do this!! all the time!! irl! its so demeaning

“fuck off, philip, i love him” w his chin stuck out <3

“we’ll take the raping and the pillaging and the colonizing, we’ll scrub it up nice and neat in a museum, but oh, no, youre a bloody poof? thats beyond our sense of decorum” get his ass!!!!

“you can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse, philip. im done” GET HIS ASS!!!!!!

*buttons jacket* “for what its worth, that is the bravest son of a bitch ive ever met” 

“we banged it out last night”

gotta hand it to catherine, she chose a hell of a time to come back to life

“the princess who ran away with james bond”

“ive been gay as a maypole since the day i came out of mum, philip”

“in the silence that follows, alex has to bite down very hard on his tongue to suppress the urge to laugh hysterically”

alex “we could still do that” claremont-diaz

“i dont care for that tone at all” put him in his place catherine!

page 354= the page i finally started sobbing the first time i read it

seriously how is everyone in the better timeline not sobbing into their hands seeing these rallies

“wouldn’t i mum? wouldn’t you like to find out” ajshdjfbshjbfskbf

“ya know, i think all that cocaine i did must have really done a number in my reflexes” LMAO

never tell me the odds

“dc dykes on bikes chase protestors” yes ma’am

to be continued

[nire-the-mithridatist]

🎀 - What’s a character you like writing for and why? / 🍭 - Favorite things to write about / 🍙 - What story you've written had the biggest impact on you? / 🌵 - Is there anything you would like to share about your original fiction?

🎀 - What’s a character you like writing for and why?

Wen this is mean! I have so many! Currently I am of course obsessed with my Spy x Fam blorbos. Cannot get over this one spy dude who acts all cool but actually cares the mostest. Apologizes three times to a dog that bit him. Is the best husband and dad. No this is all just for the mission, what are you talking about, he's a spy and taking his family to an aquarium trip is also a mission. And his wife, perfect and can do no wrong, extremely shy and awkward but the most astute mother, has killed so many people and has the tenderest heart in the world. And their daughter, a telepathic peanut. I love them all 😭

🍭 - Favorite things to write about

I answered this earlier (sense of belonging! finding a home!) But another thing I like to write about is unreliable narrators. Not in a horror/plot twisty kind of way, but just... They're bad about their own feelings. Or reading the feelings of others. And they're misunderstanding the situation. And they're totally not pining!!! So fun to write. Best character genre.

🍙 - What story (fanfiction or published work) had the biggest impact on you?

So i answered this already but i interpreted it as a story i read that has the biggest impact on me (the answer is Harry Potter because it's how I learned English) but which story I've written...

Hm.

Neither fanfiction or published work, but this was an original novel draft I co-wrote with my cousin, where we emailed the draft back and forth. It has been lost to the depths of my defunct yahoomail and will never see the light of day again (and it shouldn't, it's cringe as hell) but I was fully high on just writing whatever the fuck I wanted. I had a witch self insert and she has a tragic past and there's a boy love interest who does archery very good because archery is hot, and i will never top the kind of unhinged storytelling of that moment tbh. I can try, but I'm too worried about writing something bad to ever let loose like that again.

🌵 - is there anything you want to share about your original fiction?

YES so i've been writing original fiction again and. Hahaha omg related to the answer above: this one is also about witches. It's two witches in modern day, and they're girlfriends. And it's. Actually fun to write? Wild! I didn't have a sense of character voice when I started it, but then I rewrote it in first person and I found her voice immediately. Her name is Naya. She's tall, dark, and kind of a dick, but she loves her girlfriend Isabel very very much. Too bad Isabel is dead! Someone should do something about that.

#ask game

[inlovewitheasefuldeath]

literally just constantly internally screaming about midnights there is nothing i love more than distance/perspective/time passing giving new revelations on old traumas and events, being able to make an upbeat poppy song about something negative, being able to finally mourn something you didn't even register as a loss when it happened, unraveling complexities in relationships/good people do bad things/bad people do good things/good things feel bad/bad things feel good, holding the joy/romance/beauty in a lost and maybe bad relationship, just the line KARMA TAKES ALL MY FRIENDS TO THE SUMMIT, identity as being shaped through trauma and you can't change that but you can choose to attribute meaning wherever you want in your life, i can't rewrite the narrative but i can reread it with whatever interpretation i want, "you're on your own kid" as something that can be sad and empowering at the same time, IF I WAS A CHILD DID IT MATTER IF YOU GOT TO WASH YOUR HANDS/GIVE ME BACK MY GIRLHOOD IT WAS MINE FIRST, pitched voice in midnight rain my beloved, dear reader as the final track something something unreliable narrator of my own life's story, THAT'S A REAL FUCKING LEGACY (disparaging), intense visual images/synesthetic figurative language, how slick and syrupy glitch feels, question...? and closure as two sides of the same story, "there's no mo(u)rning glory it was war it wasn't fair", VISUAL ALBUM POG, "baby love" literally my stopping my small gay heart,

there's probably so much more i could ramble about but thats all my brain has spit out so far right now

#midnights #taylor swift #ts #swifties #taylor swift midnights

[abi-cosmos]

this bitter nightcall

Chapter ten now up!! 

oooft we’re almost towards the end! 

Dean gets touched by a djinn, but it's all cool. Or, is it?

Forced to confront his desires, Dean's grip on reality slips. Leaving Castiel, Sam, and Mick Davies trying to find a way to save him before it’s too late.

If only they knew that the cure is right in front of them.

Pairing: Castiel/Dean Winchester  

Rating: Explicit 

Beta read and beta-vibed by @the-rollerchloster​

As always, check the tags.

✨ djinn ✨ mindfuck ✨ inappropriate smut ✨ unreliable narrator ✨ heavy angst ✨ love confessions ✨ implied cas/mick ✨ jealous!dean ✨ hallucinations - sex and otherwise ✨ fucked up fairytale ✨ cursed dean winchester ✨ very briefly almost major character death ✨ happy endings ✨

Read the whole thing on AO3.

Sneak peek under the cut.

“What happened?” Cas asks, bolting into the dungeon and trying to stay calm. Sam had told him something was wrong, but seeing Dean slumped in the chair makes him realise how much he’d been hoping it wasn’t this.

Sam is holding Dean’s head, calling his name but getting no response. Panic has set his jaw sharp, and he looms large when he pushes his hands through his hair to face the angel. “I can’t wake him up! Cas, what do we do?”

Cas aches with each glance to Dean. The situation demands he thinks, but all he can find is a desperate need for the hunter to suddenly open his eyes and ask what the hell they’re doing. Somehow, he manages to find enough of a voice to ask, “Has he been unconscious this whole time?”

“I don’t know, when we got there he was on the floor.” Sam replies, screwing his face up. “He opened his eyes once but didn’t seem to recognise us, then he was out again.”

“This is my fault,” Cas reprimands himself. “I should have known that he had the handprint, that he’d try to fix it on his own.” Dean looks as if he’s asleep, which is a familiar sight for Cas, but the movement under his eyelids is too fast and his breathing too violent to be simply a dream. Cas’ breath is tight in his chest; he should have been there with him.

“From what I know about Dean Winchester,” Mick reassures him from the doorway. “If he wanted to go, you couldn’t have stopped him.”

“That’s not true,” Cas softens his eyes, still fixed onto Dean’s face. “I could’ve tried something; hidden the keys-”

“We don’t have time for this,” Sam interrupts. Shaking his head, he takes a moment to calm. “Mick’s right, we both know what Dean's like, if he wanted to go, he’d find a way. But right now-”

“I know,” Cas says. “The curse, it’s advancing fast.”

Mick makes a noise of agreement, stepping further into the room. “We’ve got to wake him and we need to do it now,” he says.

“Yeah, but how?” Sam turns to Cas. “When he prayed to you, did he say anything that might give us a clue? Anything at all?”

“No.” Cas remembers that Dean hadn’t said much in his prayer, but each short curse word rang like a gunshot in his memory. “He sounded distressed, but that was all.” Sam takes the news with a grit of his teeth.

“If he’s trapped in a hallucination, I reckon the curse has found whatever his truth is,” Mick says. “That’s how we thought it works, right? Slowly slipping you into a hallucination, showing you a variety of things; what you want, what you don’t want. Until it gets what it needs, veritas, to fully take you under.”

Cas gives a nod of agreement, wishing it wasn’t true. “That was my understanding, yes.”

Sam balls his hand into a fist with a huff. “Yeah. Which means it's gonna keep going until Dean is totally gone.”

If only Cas could wake him with a spark of grace. Take him out of the curse just as quickly as it’s taken him in, because Sam’s right, it will consume Dean. Nothing Cas can do will work, this is beyond him and he’s never felt more useless or helpless.

“I might have an idea,” Mick says, itching his neck and breaking the silence. “But, I’m not sure you’re gonna like it.”

#destiel #destiel fanfic #deancas #deancas fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 writers #fanfic #destiel smut #destiel angst

[codenamebooks]

It's Not Summer Without You Book Review

(Summer #2) by Jenny Han | ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑ | Goodreads | CW: grief | Series and Plot Spoilers

We continue Belly's summer vacations but this time without Susannah, summer house, and Beck's boys. We recount the month's since Susannah's sickness got worse and the tumultuous path of Belly's relationship with Conrad. Then Jeremiah calls and says that Conrad left summer school and he needs Belly's help finding him.

Review below the cut!

I had a question right off the bat: What is it with sequels suddenly switching to multiple point of views? I understand that there's more story to tell and that it helps progress the plot but it annoys me because it's not consistent. This one wasn't... terrible, since we got to know Beck's boys a whole lot more and maybe couldn't have done that without Jeremiah's POV, but I'm sure Jenny Han could have come up with a way to do so without having four random chapters through his eyes.

Thinking about point of view though, I really enjoyed how the timeline worked for this second book. Going back and forth to before Susannah died and the present and the in-between was chef's kiss. It really made the tension between Belly and Conrad strong and Jeremiah's stakes in disliking his brother and wanting to help Belly despite himself very clear.

There was one thing I was for sure of during the entire book: I really hate Taylor. Every other character, if they did something annoying, I flip-flopped around how much they were driving me crazy, but with Taylor it was consistent. This was amplified by the fact that Belly kept pushing the narrative that Taylor is a good best friend and overlooks every single problem––things that she knows are problems! I was going to be very disappointed if nothing was done about it by the end of the novel but luckily it was.

As far as the other characters go, I was pissed off at Belly about 75% of the book. I'm aware that this is largely due to her being the main character, but a significant amount of yelling at her through the page was done. I hate to say that I had to agree with Conrad calling her a child. She never once learned how to stop talking, to put it kindly. Every problem that she whined about was her own fault. Conrad was so close, so many times, to being honest with her and confessing his love or whatever and she ruined it every time by being impatient and immature. I wanted to hear what he was going to say but couldn't. I know she's young, and that the small age gap is important to this story, but I was mad at her more often than not so I had to say something. I even peg her as an unreliable narrator because she lied to everyone to the reader about her relationship with Conrad and I, at first, couldn't understand why he was so out of it. I'll have to admit, that she is just like me because she ruins everything with these unrealistic expectations and can't handle reality. So I did give her some grace.

Despite all of that, I have to acknowledge that I can only feel this way about Belly because she's such a well-crafted main character. Every fuck up that she does moves the plot forward and we feel things as we read based on those actions. I probably experienced every emotion under the sun for this stupid yet so important teenage drama; grief, relief, happiness, sadness, apprehension, joy, hatred, fondness, and more.

At one point I forgot that the book was released in 2012 and almost became upset with Jenny Han. The gender norms are through the roof, especially for a high school setting. Belly insulting Taylor for having a boyfriend that shaved his legs was so icky. I am glad, though, that it hurt Taylor's feelings despite myself.

To bring up Jeremiah for a moment, I was really disappointed with him and Belly at the end. Neither of them were innocent and I was heartbroken for Conrad. Conrad seriously means so much to me after this book because we got to see his real personality and efforts and angst. I love him so much so, that when Belly and Jeremiah kissed, I punched my pillow in frustration because why would they do that to him.

At the end of the day, I adored this book, which is why I wrote so much about it. If you also loved the first book, you should continue to read the series. If you like love triangles, you should read this book. If you enjoy explorations into close family-tied relationships, you should read this book (because I didn't even get into how the parents contributed to the plot, which was a very important through line. The fight between the boy's father and Belly's mom? Chef's kiss).

#it's not summer without you #jenny han #summer trilogy #book review #5 stars #goodreads #romance #young adult #contemporary #fiction #womens fiction #chick lit #realistic fiction #young adult contemporary #young adult romance #paperback #teen

[an-old-telephone]

ok so i just said this on twitter but realised it would devolve into a longer post so here goes:

https://twitter.com/vaecordias/status/1399516042469294083?s=20

Tweet reads: "i agree with the "fenris and anders would get along better, you dont spend 7 years fighting alongside someone hating them" and "varric exaggerated for Drama tm" but i raise you: friends are assholes to each other n its all about the "i can bully you but no one else can""

so like. i definitely think varric exaggerated a lot and also left various parts of more mellow conversation out. and i do think that anders and fenris would get along and have much more nuanced discussions. HOWEVER. as an example, my flatmates and i? we're amazing friends. we get along so fucking well. and yet we bully each other absolutely relentlessly, and not always in a respectful way, because honestly, you live with someone 24/7 and there's always going to be Incidents tm. And our inside jokes are vicious! but it's all about the tone things are said in, the audience present, and also in general the fact that you know its just your friends being asshoels to you even though you know youre going to be singing musical songs in the kitchen 30 minutes later

so im just considering it more sort of. at this point they all know anders isnt an abomination, the nickname just stuck. merrill's explained to all of them her view of blood magic and they've come to terms with the fact it's magic of another kind that's just frequently abused, but the world around them hasn't so they'll keep making snarky comments about it at every turn. fenris has mellowed out about mages, but it's about the years-old banter that has just stuck around. obviously there's also regular actual arguments because, you know, you put vastly different people in the same environemnt and they're going to disagree for the next three decades, but still, its not the pure disagreements we necessarily are exposed to in the game; its years of "i've trusted you my life more than i can count so we've accidentally ended up being friends"

#oops this ended up longer than expected #but i do believe that the fact the game is told from like #an unreliable narrator pov #is an absolutely fantastic opportunity for characterisation #obvi this is just my view on the matter and any others are also welcome and valid #but i really do think that what needs to be taken into account #is how much of an asshole your friends can be to you in the name of love #obviously if someone else tries to say shit you're the first to defend them #anyway there we go thats my hot take tm #fenris #anders #merrill #dragon age #dragon age ii #dragon age meta #meta #characterisation #i love the unreliable narrator it means i can do whatever the fuck i want tbh #varric #i guess ?

[seijorhi]

If you're taking Kuroo requests at the moment is it okay to ask for Gift Wrapped Part 3 👀👀👀👀

For you, bby, of course 💕

Kuroo Tetsurou x Female Reader

TW non-con/extreme dub-con, nsfw, smut, unreliable narrator

Gift Wrapped III

Part I • Part II

It’s not often that Kuroo cooks. He can cook, pretty well actually - growing up, his grandmother had made sure that he at least knew the basics - it’s just that most of the time, he really can’t be fucked. 

Takeout’s easier. Less stress. Less cleaning.  Failing that, there’s always two minute ramen. It’s not like Akaashi or Bo ever complained. 

It’s not like their own cooking habits were any better. 

But today - today he’s glad that he knows his way around a kitchen. It’s not a gourmet meal, not by any stretch of imagination, but he knows that simple is often better. More importantly, he knows that it tastes good and you’ll like it, and really, that’s all he cares about. Kuroo can’t help but smile, hum a little as he moves to grab two plates from the cupboard and set them on the kitchen counter. 

Last night had been… intense for lack of a better word, but there was just something about waking up with you tucked up against his side that made everything feel right. He’s never been much of a romantic, but having you fast asleep in his arms, so soft, so vulnerable, your delicate skin littered with his ardent devotion, it filled him with a kind of warm contentment, like coming home after a long, long time away.

You fit against him so perfectly. 

It was tempting, baby, so fucking tempting to waste the morning lying in bed with you. To bury his face back into the crook of your neck, shuffle closer, drown himself in the scent of you and let the hours slip away until your pretty eyes fluttered open. 

And maybe if he was a little more selfish, he might have. But Kuroo was raised with better manners than that. It might have been that most traditional of first dates, but he’s nothing if not a gentleman. He knows he wore you out yesterday, fucked you until you were a beautiful, babbling mess. After being such a good girl for him, you deserve to be spoiled - might as well start with breakfast in bed and work his way up from there.

And if eating his lovingly prepared food has the added effect of making you fall just a little bit more in love with him, well who’s he to complain?

Smirking to himself, he finishes plating, stacking both dishes onto a tray along with a steaming mug of coffee for you to carry back into the bedroom. 

Except when he cracks the door open with a quiet, “Babe?” called out, you’re not lying curled up in his rumpled sheets where he left you. 

As hazel eyes frantically scour the empty room, his heart skips a beat, blood running cold. 

You’re not where you’re supposed to be.

His attention snaps to the window. Shut, just as he’d left it. Their apartment’s on the fourth floor anyway, it’s not like you could slip out that way, not without hurting yourself. His stomach lurches at the very thought. He didn’t hear the bedroom door open, but the front door’s locked up tight from the inside. Deadbolted. There’s no possible chance that you-

And then he hears it, the soft spray of a shower running down the hall and Kuroo almost laughs as relief washes over him like a wave, easing the sudden tension in his muscles. Of course you wouldn't go anywhere. 

You wouldn’t leave him hanging high and dry, not after you said those precious words to him last night, your cheeks flushed, eyes wide and glistening, “I l-love you, too.”

But when had you slipped out? He hadn’t even heard you get up, but to get to the bathroom you would have had to have walked right past him. 

Sneaky little thing.

Momentary heart attack aside, Kuroo glances down at the breakfast he’d so painstakingly prepared for the both of you. He was planning on surprising you in bed with it and letting the morning play out from there, but with you in the shower clearly that’s not going to happen. 

A smirk tugs at his lips as he sets the tray down on the empty bed and tugs off the old tee he’d thrown on to cook.

Breakfast can wait, Kuroo has other ideas of how to make your morning. 

You let out an adorable squeak when he opens the bathroom door, backing up into the corner of the shower and trying in vain to cover your chest and privates from view as he waltzes in.

“D-don’t come in!” 

He grins, bending over to kick off his sweats, “Relax, kitten. It’s just me.”

Yet you make no move to uncover yourself, still curled up against the cold tile wall, watching him with wide, cautious eyes. It’s kinda cute actually, the way you look at him like he’s about to eat you right up. 

You’re not wrong, per se, but it’s nothing to be scared of. He’ll take excellent care of you. 

“Thought we might as well save some water,” he says with a cheesy smirk, pulling the glass shower door open so he can step inside. “Shower together. What do you think, kitten?”

You swallow, nibbling on your bottom lip as he closes the distance between you, stepping under the steamy spray of water. “Please,” you whisper, but Kuroo pays it no mind.

“Let me see,” his voice is low, rougher than he expected and you don’t fight him when his hands wrap around your wrists to pull them away. Such a good girl for him. A sharp breath hisses between his teeth, his heart thumping unsteadily in his chest at the sight of you, all naked, wet and tempting, rivulets of water cascading down the soft curves of your body.

You’re beautiful.

Every fucking inch of you.

Maroon and burgundy lovebites are scattered across your skin like blooming flowers, from your neck to your tits to your soft, supple thighs, and he doesn't miss the faint, finger shaped bruises that mar your hips from where he held you too tightly the night before. Perhaps he was slightly too overzealous - he knows he should feel a little guilty, but as he stares at you with simmering, hooded eyes, there’s only one thought running through his head.

He needs you.

You shudder when he reaches for you, tugging you back under the spray, into his arms. He should be gentle and sweet, ease you into it after the marathon sex last night, but the moment you fall against him, your wet, slick breasts and pebbled nipples pressing up against his chest, all rational thought flies right out the window. 

“Kur-”

He silences you with a kiss, his tongue sweeping past your lips to taste you once more. He couldn’t stop this even if he wanted to. This - you - are perfect.

“I love you,” he pants, moans, as he guides your leg up over his hip, pushing you back up against the shower wall. “Love you so much, Y/N.”

You sob as his cock breaches your walls, clinging to him, burying your face in his shoulder. Even as he holds you closer, kissing at your neck while you whine and whimper, a twinge of guilt flickers through him. You’re probably still sore from yesterday. It’s hard to feel too bad though, when your warm, tight cunt squeezes and flutters around his aching cock, sucking him deeper even as he tries to draw his hips back.

Kuroo’s never been the religious type, but if there is a heaven, he’s pretty damn sure it exists between your thighs.

***

“Kuroo…” your voice is soft, hesitant, little more than a whisper over the quiet hum of the tv playing in the background - if you weren’t perched on his lap, he might not have heard you at all. 

He huffs out a laugh, “Don’t you think that’s a little formal, babe?” he teases, relishing the way you duck your head, trying to hide your pretty face from view by burying it in his chest. 

So easily flustered. You were riding his his cock like a fucking dream last night, but now you’re getting all shy over calling him by his first name? Kitten, you really are too fucking adorable. 

Okay, maybe he might enjoy teasing you just a little too much, but can you blame him?

“T-tetsurou…”

Kuroo grins indulgently. “Mhm?”

Your fingers twist in your lap, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you nibble on it. Kuroo doesn’t push you, doesn’t prod as you fidget and shift, you’ll speak when you’re ready. He doesn't mind waiting, not when he gets to hold you close like this.

“W-when can I, um… when can I go home?”

His lips trail across your bare shoulder and he hums noncommittally. You shiver when his teeth nip at your delicate skin, squirming so delightfully that he’s tempted to think you’re deliberately trying to rile him up. Of course, he knows better than that - doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy it when his tongue finds that sweet spot on your neck, just below your jaw, and you writhe and gasp so prettily, unintentionally grinding your ass against the swell of his cock. 

“Tomorrow,” he pants, his voice just a little thicker, rougher than usual. “We can swing by before class to pick some clothes and stuff up to bring back here.”

You stiffen in his lap, but whatever reply you’re trying to get out is swallowed by a shuddering squeak when his fingers dip below the waistband of the boxer shorts he’s lent you. “O-oh.”

There’s more that you want to say, he can see you struggling to find the words as his hand delves further into your underwear, rough fingertips teasing at your cunt. The little moan you try to stifle sends blood rushing straight to his cock and it twitches eagerly in his pants, and when you make the mistake of squirming again, the very last vestiges of his control snap. 

“C’mere kitten,” he growls, and before you can protest his arms are on your waist and he’s flipping you over onto your back, yanking down your shorts as he looms over you. “Fuck, I love you.” 

Kuroo’s hand’s already wrapped around his swollen length, stroking it, guiding the flushed, weeping cockhead along your slick cunt, and he has to bite back a grin when it nudges against your clit and you jerk.

You’re shivering beneath him, staring up at him with those wide, doe eyes that he loves so fucking much and he wonders, not for the first time, whether it’ll ever be enough. He loves you. Needs you like he needs air to breathe. The feeling of you wrapped around him, the way that you come undone under his touch, it’s intoxicating and addictive and he’s never going to get sick of it. You’re a drug, a craving he knows he’ll never satisfy completely but he doesn’t give a shit, not as long as you’re here with him. You’re perfect and you’re his and he’s never going to let you go.

“I’m gonna fuck this pretty little pussy till you’re screaming my name, gonna fill you up with my cum. You want that, baby? Want daddy to stuff you full of his cum?”

Kuroo doesn’t give you a chance to answer, leaning down to capture your reddened lips in a searing kiss. He knows that you probably need a little more prep, but he’s so hard, so desperate for the feeling of your tight, wet heat clenching around him that he just can’t wait. He’ll make it up to you, he thinks as he lines himself up-

A rough pounding on the front door shatters the atmosphere entirely.

You tense, flinching as he freezes, hovering over you, his lips still locked around yours. His heart thunders in his chest and narrowed, hazel eyes flick towards the door, but he makes no move to go and answer it, just watches and waits, until-

“Hey lovebirds, open up, would you? I’m tireeed,” a familiar voice whines, and Kuroo has to fight back a growl. Rationally, he knows he can’t be too mad, not when Bokuto’s the reason you’re here at all, but it’s hard to quell the faint flicker of resentment burning through him entirely, considering what it is that he’s interrupting. 

Of course the owlish bastard would choose now to reappear. He loves him like a brother, really he does, but Bokuto has the worst fucking timing on the planet. 

Reluctantly, Kuroo draws back, pressing another kiss - gentle this time - on your lips before falling back to sit on his thighs. “Impatient asshole,” he groans, but the wink he shoots you softens the edge of his words. 

Yet you’re still tense, your hands curled into fists at your side, an odd, fearful expression on your face as you stare at the door. He frowns for a split second before realisation hits him like a ton of bricks. He never asked Bo how he got you to come home with him. Kuroo had assumed that there were some kind of drugs involved because of your sleepy state, roofies probably but-

“Hey, look at me.” Long fingers grab at your chin and tilt your head back to focus on him. He smiles softly, reassuringly (he hopes), “It’s just Bokuto. He’s not gonna hurt you, sweetheart.”

You don’t say anything in return, but he doesn’t miss how your eyes flit back towards the door. 

“Give us a damn minute,” he calls out when Bo knocks again, louder this time, sighing and running a hand through the thick, dark mess that is his hair. “C’mon. Let’s get you dressed, hm? We can finish this,” he reaches down to press a less than innocent kiss to your breast, smirking when your back arches just a little and a soft whine leaves your lips, “later.”

He has all the time in the world.

#yandere haikyuu #yandere kuroo tetsuro #yandere kuroo tetsuro x reader #yandere kuroo x reader #yandere kuroo #my writing #yandere fic #female reader #tw non con #tw dub con #a little spicy #slightly ns for w

[oddlykilledghosts]

A Review I Wrote About "You" by Caroline Kepnes from high school

Warnings: very-unfiltered, basically a stream of thoughts, remember this is me from high school so, cursing, un-edited

Before I even start I want to address the fact that only once this book was turned into a show people suddenly starting romanticizing the narrator, Joe, who is not only a pin point in the toxic masculinity map but even states himself in the book (trying to defend himself) that if anyone else peeped in on his actions they would call him a "nut". He loves Beck in his demented way, maybe. That does not make him in any way desirable for his "nice" gestures because his crazy cancels it out. Nor does it mean Beck was in any way in a healthy relationship with him. If you think I'm wrong please leave.

Unlike the show, the book does not jump straight away into Joe's "evil" antics. Spoiler Alert: It takes a very very long time in the book for Joe to finally get rid of and kill Benji. In the show it's one of the first two episodes sooooo...I can kind of understand more of your brain thinking "hmm maybe he's still a good guy" if you're reading the book (and even then it's a stretch). If you're watching the show and think that I'm sorry but you don't kill people, not even for "love" or whatever bullshit Joe was feeling. This is a point for the book that I really admired. It normalized Joe more than the show. Like he wasn't meant to kill straight away. Like he didn't go so quickly to the darkness. Almost like it excuses his behavior. The author, Kepnes, did a really good job of this without turning Joe into an unreliable narrator. You want to redeem Joe and every time you come close to thinking you might forgive him you can't and you aren't supposed to. However, if you do redeem Joe that's against the point of what Kepnes was trying (and succeeding) to make. Yes, he's  a character and you think he's interesting and that's okay (it's still only a book/show guys) but as a real person he's disgusting and honestly vile (sorry Snape). Still Kepnes did an amazing job of clearly expressing Joe's creepy and weirdly "right" thoughts in his own way without making it seem like Joe didn't even believe himself, which is hard to do.

Another thing I noticed online was how many people dislike Beck (not you Elizabeth Lail you're gorgeous and amazing). At first I too hated her and now I'm confused as to why. Did Kepnes write her this way and if she did why (and if she did I seriously love you Caroline Kepnes you're a genius)? Maybe we're all jealous of Beck. This girl who seduces guys like it's nothing (and her and her friends talk about every sex-scandel EVER). A girl who everyone is obsessed with. A girl with a cool social media and good following. A girl that has a life that isn't perfect, but don't most of us still want it more than our own? We all want to be watched. We want attention. Everyone is shaming Beck for the same thing. We slut-shame Beck for sleeping with guys. For master-bating in her own home. But how do we know this? No one is shaming Joe for stalking her. For looking into those private and intimate moments that weren't meant to be for his eyes. He violated her life and we shame the victim. Is this how our society is conditioned? We hate her for her friends but I don't really hear anyone shaming Peach for the arsenal of Beck porn on her computer (the only thing I really condone Joe looking into cause that is fucked up). And Annika (Chana) and Lynn are quite harmless...not the best but still better than nothing. The only thing that would be okay to shame Beck about would be lying about her dad's "death". Still, he messed shit up for her and let me know when you haven't needed to put things in the past. Having him in her life would just make things worse so I get it girl. Still, fucked up. You (metaphorically) killed your dad, Beck.

Also btw I'm pretty sure Paco doesn't exist in the book unless I read a totally different book.

I kind of already addressed this but there is so much more to go into about everything people like about Joe is FAKE! "Yeah but they were cute and they like the same things." Uh huh, they have a couple things in common but guess what? Joe stole her fucking phone. He read every text. Every email. Every post. Every Tweet. Who she called. Where she was. He knew was she said two hours before a date. He knew what mood she was in twenty-four seven. He knew what terms she was on with her friends (Peach!). He manipulated his way into a relationship with her based on this information. None of those "oh but I ship them moments" is justifiable once you realize this. Joe would'e never gotten into her heart (or her pants) if he didn't know any of this. In both the show and book right when Joe is about to blow his chance he remembers something of her or her friends THAT HE SHOULDN'T KNOW and it saves him. If he wasn't a vicious and ugly person he would've never gotten to date Beck. Which is both sad and ironic. I'm sorry but your romantic ideal of this character only exists because he's psychotic...he'd be his creepy little gremlin self if he didn't slink around like a pissing homeless person "engine engine number nine on the new york transit line" (haha references).

Just because people don't understand I'll add it one more time YOU DON'T KILL PEOPLE NOT FOR LOVE NOT FOR ANYTHING SO FUCK OFF

Now to get to the writing...ITS REALLY GOOD. I have a very low attention span and even if I like a book I'll be checking to see what page I'm on. Not with this book. I want to keep turning the page until I'm two-hundred pages in and it's almost two am but I keep going. That's how good it is. The dialogue is real and it flows. The character feelings feel realer than actual life. Beck's forever turmoil in life cuts you (maybe that's why we don't like her). And I've said this before but Joe's "feelings" really want you to make him seem reliable, remarkable, and redeemable (unremarkable people don't go around wondering if they're remarkable).

Now the thing that gets progressively worse is Joe's inability to know that he's in the wrong but still feel like he's doing the right thing. This happens when he follows Beck to the Dickens festival and he thinks she's spotted him. He knows he messed up. He did the awful thing and the only time he realizes it's "wrong" (I put quotations because he still sees himself as the better person) Is when he thinks he's caught. The same thing happened when he thought he killed Peach in the park. When he realized he did not kill her but only harm her, he feels a moment of panic before realizing she didn't know it was him. He feels justified after he gets away with it. A classic narcissistic move.

Narcissists love playing-

And that is where I stop because I read this book like two months ago and now I forget everything. Thanks for reading. (aka past me from years ago)

#you netflix #joe goldberg #quinevere beck #you the show #love quinn #penn badgley #victoria pedretti #elizabeth lail #caroline kepnes #book review #book thoughts #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness #writing