#i love those dramas so much... i have rly been missing out for sure | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

majicmarker · 3 years

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so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

#i just love them whoops my hand slipped #the majnificent adventures #gus tag #@ melissa wtf is our tag we had like five #how do i not remember five things #anyway i got into my feelings tnt don’t @ me

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icharchivist · 3 years

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hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!

hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.

back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!

also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:

azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)

izumi: what do u mean by that???

me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma

anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...

oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.

i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play

Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c

the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.

AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!

lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c

of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.

I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.

And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.

BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .

(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)

But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.

I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.

ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.

and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh

but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.

OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!

The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!

"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much

AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"

But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....

your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.

Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT

And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.

Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT

And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.

THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....

Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c

but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!

Hope you'll like the winter play :3c

Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!

#ichafantalks a3 #sonnets of beauty #ichareply

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cheolbooluvr · 3 years

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so ill get to our big shared chonker of a message hopefully later tonight (sorry i'm taking a little bit with it! i've been weirdly busy the past few days), but i just wanted to respond to the shorter one + address the latest mission!!!

fun fact, you and i are in a very similar position with jun haha. i have a lot of wips with him too, but like, i've never finished a jun fic outside of short little one shots... which is quite frankly obscene because minghao has a word count dedicated to him that's literally more than everyone else in seventeen... I don't even know how many times more because my latest fic with him just reached about 50k... but jun is meant to be my second!!!!! i really want to finish something long with him 😭

still! I know you said its your fault but I will apologise for the confusion regardless! And look at someone who both writes and enjoys angst, no angst is ever too much hehe. there's a weird sense of catharsis in tragedy, at least my onion. I'm excited for how tragic things will get in your latest jun wip. A FREE ONE WAY TRIP TO SPAIN WITHOUT THE S... I LOVE THAT... BUT I totally understand! bittersweet stuff in general sticks with me longer than any other genre of fiction I find, because you continuously think about how they could've been happy but it didn't work out for x or y reason, or maybe even a combo. I'm so happy for you though, I know how good it feels to work on something that you can't stop thinking about, because I've got that fever myself hehe. and that's such an interesting way to write? I can never bring myself to write out of order so I always really admire those who can do it haha. I just never trust myself to remember what details I have established when if I do it out of order like that. Is that how you usually write your longer fics or is this one different?

YESSSSS I ABSOLUTELY AGREE... and he's expressed his desire to act so many times... pledis please... I'm begging u... he would be so good in a tragic drama...

omg I'm so dumb I have to share this with you but ??? I started watching it and I was like wait a minute why do I feel like I'm missing a lot of context... but it was still fun to watch all the characters interact (plus it made me tear up which like.... wowee)... but turns out I started on episode one of SEASON 2...... IM SUCH A FOOL.................. 😭

also! I don't know if you saw the next mission, but were you up for making a play list? I just thought I'd ask before I sent in any prompts!

- 😺 carat anon

HOLY COW I NEVER ANSWERED THIS I’M SO SORRY :(((((((

omg no worries! i have also been weirdly busy??? idk why but i hope you're able to get some rest soon <3

i'm gonna work my way backwards :D

re: the new mission - yes!!! i LOVE curating playlists, like LOVE IT. idk why but let me know any genres you like/don't like, anything at all and i'll do my best!!

OMG SEASON 2 HAHAHA that's so funny plz!! tho tbh, the nice thing abt hospital playlist is that there's no major plot but yeah, there is a bit of context you'll miss out on T^T i hope season 1 is going well tho!! it's kinda long if you're not used to it, but i promise it's super worth it :D idk if you’ve had time to watch anymore, but i’ve been watching it/catching up and it’s rly so good. i cried so much in like…ep 5 of s2? i think? idk one of those ones. but i just rly love how they portray the small things in life. it’s rly beautiful and so well done.

i think my favorite fics are actually angsty ones. i love happy endings for movies and stuff, but the fics that make cry and hurt are my fave?? kinda interesting, the contrast. but yeah, i think you’re right abt that, there are always those lingering ‘what if’s’ those angsty fics always leave you with T^T i mentioned this in the most recent ask, but i can’t write in chronological order rly, lol. i tend to just write scenes that pop into my head first, and then go back and piece it together. it’s tricky for sure, but if i try to move chronologically, i tend to get stuck. so i just jump around instead. and i did that w jun. i divided it up into 4 parts, and then wrote fcertain scnes and then went back to add what i felt i needed to fill in the gaps!! but not trusting yourself w the details, i literally did that w this fic. there are some inconsistencies but it’s posted now and i’m like…too lazy to fix it LOL. but maybe i will……..

wahh!! junhao have dedicated word counts!? that’s amazing. what are they?? :o if you don’t mind me asking ofc.

WAIT 50K WORDS OMG. I WAS JUST READING THAT A STANDARD NOVEL/NOVELLA IS LIKE ANYWHERE BETWEEN 50K-100K WORDS OMG. you’re so amazing, i rly respect you for that omg i would LOVE to hit 50k for a single fic T^T

anyways SO SORRY THIS IS LIKE WEEKS LATE I AM A DUMMY AND DIDN’T REALIZE I NEVER ANSWERED THIS KLFDJASKLFLSA

#cheolbooluvr asks #😺 carat anon #carat anon event 💎

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alexiaugustin · 4 years

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"This season isn’t about toxic relationships please watch skam españa s3" i wanted to ask you what you thought of how skam españa handle that topic? I thought they did a rly good job but i'm interested in your opinion considering your experience (if you want to talk about it ofc!) thank you anyway, take care

Thank you so much for the ask actually, I always wanted to write a review for this season but wanted to wait until the end of the season and then just never did it so this is a great reason to do it now<33

Okay where do I start.. first of I loved this season like a lot. It's probably one of my favorite skam seasons ever it might even go hand in hand with skam france s3 as my two favourites. Nicole and the writers did an, in my opinion, amazing job at portraying a toxic relationship and the consequences of it in a really realistic and relatable way.

When I started watching this season I was pretty sure that they would go down a very different route than the other seasons and that Mikael would turn out to be trouble- maybe a mix of the og Nico and also the Willhelm character. But I told myself: watch this season and pretend that you don't know anything about the storyline and see how you'll feel about the characters and their relationships to have a "real" reaction to their actions

And what's shocking and very realistic at the same time is that I, too, would have probably fallen for Mikael the same way Nora did. I mean at the beginning everything was fine he was taking her out on romantic dates, they had a first rooftop kiss, he made efforts for her and so on. What I loved really just loved about this season was that they portrayed that everyone can fall into toxic relationships in such a realistic way. It can happen to everyone. It doesn't matter whether you're a feminist, it doesn't matter whether you could recognize such toxic behavior on tv shows or in other people's relationships,, it can still happen to yourself in real life.

You see I of all people who should have known better, who's been through shit like that for years would have still fallen for Mikael just the same in the beginning and that really hit me.

And why is that? Because you can't recognize such behavior from the beginning. Toxic people aren't just black and white. If the person would treat you badly from the beginning you wouldn't get yourself into a relationship/be friends with them. The problem is that toxic people are way more complex and the situation is more complicated than that. At first everything is fine, you're happy and you feel safe with that person, you trust them, you spend a lot of time with them and then slowly from time to time your abuser starts doing questionable things like in Nora's case Mikael blocking Alejandro's phone call when he was calling her, his facial expressions when he saw Nora talking to other guys... little moments like that but when it happens you you don't really think much about it.

So your abuser starts behaving toxic more and more, you get manipulated, you slowly start losing parts of yourself, do stuff just because your abuser wants you to and so on. I'm sure that looking back Nora wouldn't even be able to tell you at what point Mikael started to become toxic for her because that's always very tricky to tell and the lines are blurry. It's all those little things abusers do, turning you into someone you don't want to be at all, that add up to eachother at the end. And as soon as you realize what's happening to you it's too late and very hard to get out of there again.

And skam españa really did an amazing job at portraying that. Not just in the big scenes but in all those little moments too. I felt and understood Nora's feelings and pain like I've never understood any character ever before. When she started getting nervous whenever Mikael didn't respond to her texts and she started freaking out because she thought that he might be mad at her- I felt that. The way she panicked and felt like shit whenever they were actually fighting, that desperate need to make up with him so everything would be okay again, not just because she missed him but because you feel like absolute shit and are actually afraid of what your abuser is gonna do when you're not getting along well at the moment- I felt this. The way her hands were shaking, the way she cried and felt overpowered and helpless. The way Mikael always made sure to be above her, seem smarter and wiser, make her feel stupid so she would listen to him and agree with everything he says- I felt it all so so very much. There's no other show that ever made me feel as represented and understood than s3 of skam españa.

The scene that actually hurt watching the most was the scene when she and Mikael are lying next to eachother and she sits up and finally tells him that she wants to break up with him. I literally needed to pause the video several times while watching because this scene reminded me of everything I ever wanted to do. Seeing Nora being able to be brave enough and stand up for herself and saying all the things I desperately wanted to tell the toxic person in my life broke my heart because Nora did what I couldn't do and said exactly what I never managed to put into words myself.

This is my favorite quote from that scene and from this whole season in general because Nora put everything I've felt but never knew how to say perfectly into words here: "Look, do you want to know what's wrong? That you always turn things around, ok? And I always end up doing things I don't want to do. I've never forced you to do anything. Never. Well, no and yes. I don't know when it's me who decides or when I'm doing things because you want me to or because I think you want me to." This hit me and hurt the most while watching this season

Also I really really loved how they portrayed all of this in a hopeful way, how this show never did anything too over the top or from drama and shock value. It was representation of horrible and realistic things people experience every day and skam españa said: no matter what, you are not alone with this, you have a support system, Nora has her friends who will protect and help her as soon as Nora finds the courage to reach out for help. You should do the same, don't be afraid to ask for help there are always people who will support and help you in situations like this." They did that!! They made girls support girls while at the same time showing how it can be hard to reach out for help especially in the beginning when you're still manipulated by your abuser. They portrayed how hard it is to recognize what's going on when something like that happens to your friend/family and not knowing how to help the person at first (Eva and Emma who both noticed how Mikael changed her)

The ending gets me everytime because it's so simple yet so meaningful. It doesn't end eith a huge party or Nora getting back together with Alejandro and being happy and in love again like other shows would have done. The ending is really bittersweet, she is surrounded by her friends, yet she is still hurting, struggling and most of all healing because it's a progress and doesn't happen over night. She's getting better and is slowly getting back to the old Nora (13 M poster) but also knowing that she will never be able to fully get her old self, the Nora before Mikael back. But she is growing and healing and getting better every day a little more with the support of those around her and this was the perfect and most wonderful ending to her season

#skam españa #im so sorry u sent this ask six weeks ago #i hope that you will find the post in case yku were still interested anon💜

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mental-health-advice · 4 years

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Submission from 🎧 about their best friend.

part 1 - I have a best friend. We’ve known each other for 8 years. Since we’ve become teenagers, things have changed. She’s become meaner and doesn’t have any friends at school asides from 2 girls as a consequence. She has become obsessed with guys and gets herself in dangerous situations almost on purpose. Lately I feel like we have less and less in common. And then I’ve felt less and less appreciated as a friend and person recently with the friendship. I haven’t been happy with it at all.

part 2 - Some of the meanest things ever said to me have come from her. It took her an hour to ask me how my prom was; she told me I have no boobs or arse but nice legs; she said I’m vain because I only care about looks in a guy (which isn’t even true and very hypocritical for her to say). Recently she wanted to see this musician she likes who I don’t, but I offered to go w. she couldn’t get tickets but he’s playing at a festival soon. I don’t want to go to the festival. Upon telling her this

part 3 - she tried to guilt trip me again, and then rejected all offers for me to go with her next year bluntly and rudely. It made me rly feel like I was wasting my time trying to be nice to her for it to be rejected so easily. It has always been her before me and she has always put me down. There are numerous other examples, such as her once saying this guy who I liked friends didn’t like me (which wasn’t true). Or me kissing the guy I liked then her trying to kiss him too.

part 4 - I feel it is time to let go of this friendship and move on. But it scares me so much to loose her. Because we do have a laugh together, when we watch TV. Apart from that, I don’t enjoy her company. And I keep thinking of all the good times we used to have, but those days have essentially gone. Is it normal to feel so scared to loose someone who isn’t even that good of a friend because you don’t want to face the consequences or are scared of what the future now holds? Please help x

Hey there!

It sounds like you and your best friend have really outgrown each other recently, and I think you can recognise this. It is so understandable that you feel a bit hesitant about making a decision to leave her in your past and losing her as a friend, however I think this is one of the harder lessons in life to learn because often it’s not until a bit later when you look back you think “yep, I made the right decision there,” because often for a while after it you do miss them and you can feel guilty or maybe even regretful and wonder ‘what if’.

I think however that moving on from a best friend doesn’t mean not speaking to them again, or cutting all ties or ignoring them when you see them out. We can healthily distance ourselves from people that we no longer find to be positive people in our life and still be able to have a laugh with them now and again. I think you might even find that a bit of distance can improve your relationship dynamic. I had an old flatmate who by the end of the year I didn’t speak to at all, we argued constantly and we had started off the year together as best friends. Once we moved out, I saw her a couple of months later, we talked it out and now we get on really well when our mutual friends all hang out. And, we both realise that as people we don’t work well being so close and its better for us to have distance and can actually joke about it.

Your feelings in this thought are valid - you can feel worried about the consequences (maybe once she notices you distancing yourself she’ll be annoyed or upset or indifferent and not knowing how she’ll take it can be worrying) and you can feel worried about not knowing the future holds because you’ve went through your life with her there, regardless if it was good times or bad. Distancing a friendship is in many ways similar to a breakup, and if you google “Breaking up with a friend” there is loaaads of advice blogs and stories and articles which you might find (although quite corny at times) can have some helpful distractions or positive affirmations to help you through.

I think it’s important that despite your worries you remember why it is you feel the need to put some distance between you and this friend. From what you’ve described I think she’s very inconsiderate to your feelings, unappreciative of the type of friend you are to her and to be honest, straight up mean. The phrase ‘who needs enemies with friends like that’ could apply here to some extent. It’s strange though that you were obviously good friends with a healthy relationship for so long and now she’s changed to be like this. I’m not sure if she’s aware of the way she’s treating you, and in thinking about this I’m not sure if its something you think you can talk with her about.

Maybe before a friendship breakup could be a friendship intervention - explaining how you feel and seeing what she has to say. There’s lots of different ways this could go, and it could be a bit of a drama, so this is very up to you if its something you think would maybe fix your friendship. It does sound though that overall you two have grown in really different directions and it might just be down to compatibility as friends not being there so much anymore. And it’s awful, but it’s how life is sometimes and it’s often necessary to get you to where you need to go for the next part of your life.

I hope that this has helped you out a bit. I think you’re doing what’s best for you and your worry is quite alright. I hope you two find a way to remain friendly but in a way that’s healthy for everyone involved, and I hope you have people in your life that love and appreciate you. Take care.

Hollie x

#mhahollie #submission #submission from 🎧#🎧#friendship #best friend #friendship breakup #advice #advice blog #mental health advice

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verngyu-moved · 4 years

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hello !!! ive been too shy to send this till now but im thinking that ill be sending an extremely long message to you ! hopefully i won't reveal myself !!! i love you a lot like words can not express how thankful i am to you and to your posts and to your blog and hey it's okay. you don't have to do anything, your existence itself is enough and is good. you are loved greatly, and im so sorry i didn't say anything till now but i love you. greatly. extremely. more than mere words can describe (1/?)

or more than i, myself, can properly ever express ! i love you a lot and you are loved and cherished deeply and greatly. and whatever you decide, ill always support you. i believe that you can kick ass with your criminology course and i believe that you can shatter the very universe and reach the sky, and i firmly believe in this. you’re strong and i love you very much. thank you for your hard work and for making such beautiful content even when you don’t have time and is busy. it’s okay (2/?)even if you don’t make a lot of content nowadays, it’s okay to take a break. it’s okay to be in a funk. it’s okay to not want to do anything. it’s okay to give yourself some time and just let yourself go. it’s okay. your gifs may not do as well as before, but hey! think about this!! whenever i see your gifs on my dash, i immediately know it’s yours. i think your gifs are these pockets of joy and loveclouds and i genuinely mean this. they are always so pretty and so perfectly timed and (3/?)well-made. like seriously !! they always look so wonderful and idk how your hands can do it. like bless you ! i love you very much. thank you for your constant hard work really! i can not like commend you in ways i want to cause my words is lacking but i really just wanted to tell you that your blog is special. and that i absolutely love you here, but really, you should do what you want. what makes you the happiest. what gives you the most ease and comfort. please always put yourself (4/?)before others ! you deserve it !!! you really do!! anyhow i just wanted to tell you that i love and cherish your greatly and that thank you so much for all that you do. you’re doing well. you have been doing well. and i know that you will continue to do well, so give yourself a little more credit, and be kinder to yourself. you’re a lovely starbeam and i love you very much! thank you once again!! im sorry hah this is REALLY LONG! ill leave with a pickup line! are you French.. CAUSE MADAM! (5/5)

–

well firstly, thank u for this very thoughtful and kind message. i did not expect something like this!!

i rly didnt make that post to guilt-trip anyone into messaging me, following me, sending an ask, etc., i just really dont think anyone cares about me or would miss me if i deactivated. friends, sure, but w/friends ive made on here i have added on other social media so i dont think they could really “miss” me bc they see my dumbass posting mingyu pics on my insta story because of this, i think about doing that a lot lately

i dont really even know why it bothers me so much (my posts underperforming); its just a site. and ive even held myself back from making gifs even though i tell myself “no one’s giffed it yet” and i want to gif it,, it’s bc my effort seems futile. it sounds sad but i feel like ““my time”” as a content creator here is up…you know? like trends. some people and things just arent it anymore, i guess. ive also really become tired of the internet dramas and inter-fandom dramas. drama is unavoidable online or not but i do find myself being stressed out by things that dont even directly involve me lol. and i’m still into seventeen/still love them btw, this isnt abt them

..maybe part of my change in perspective on this is due to being in college + doing commissions n stuff for spare cash here and there. so one downside to that (or upside depending on how you look at it) i dont really feel like doing loads of free work in exchange for no payment. its such a capricorn thing to say but i’ve found that i really like creating youtube videos, and since i can make a profit on those–bc my channel finally got approved for monetization :’’’)–maybe my brain likes the idea of that more lmao (………heres my channel btw)

its really nice to hear you like the things i make and thats its also recognizable. i try to make gifs “current” or whatever but also my own. i create because i have to. its bad for my mental health not to

my blog’s been mostly inactive for the last week and i did notice that i felt a lot better. this week was really good–in a lot of ways. i still want to make things. i unfollowed tags and stuff so i wont even check if somethings been giffed. i’ll just do it, i think. im hoping if i change things i can still be on here and enjoy it.

thank u for all the kind words, this is really encouraging + comforting. i hope this response was adequate..and i also hope you had a nice week. i still want to try because of people like u 💞ily 💞

#d:answered #text heavy //#n17 #anon

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panelshowsource · 5 years

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i actually wasn’t too nervous! i knew paul, iain, and joe would all be sweet and i was excited for sian because no middle-aged funny lady has ever not been a legend. even though i don’t think it was a god tier season i thought they were all endearing in their own ways (even iain lmao) and i think we appreciate that kind of pleasantness. i had thought it was going to be a touch more competitive — which is my taste, which is why i liked s2 so much, for example — because iain and even lou were bringing it hard in the beginning, but they seemed to succumb to the wrath of the taskmaster pretty quickly and begin just going along with what he decided without much fuss or drama. that said, i also think the taskmaster was a little lax; you may have noticed plenty of rounds he didn’t give out 1 or even 2 points, like prize tasks were 3-3-3-4-5 points opposed to someone having to come last even if they did a decent job (which can cause some fun drama). i thought the editing of the tasks was really back up to par this series and i loved the return of sassy talkative alex like we had in s1 and 2. i really think it was a lot of fun!

ahhhh hard to say! maybe......sian 💕 hbu??

i’m not proud of him and frankly i hope he’s not proud of himself

even though requests aren’t open this was cute so i got u hehe

joe is very special and perfect and good and i am highly concerned about him

you and a thousand other anons, trust me ;’) luckily if u catch him with a rosé in his hand i think you’re in with a chance

hell yes she is! taskmaster said smith family rights!

it’s what we DESERVE!!!!!

seal*! ofc mitchell brook primary school are a league of legends baybay!! and ya i tried to do a lot of miles content this week bc it’s what the people want heh

i would really enjoy seeing glenn moore and larry dean more, who i think were some of the best newcomers to have come on the show in a long time. as for guests from very previous series? ooo well i def miss gina and do think david should be on every show forever until the end of time, obviously, but hmm it’d be great to see holly walsh, sarah millican, and jo brand again!! they’re all ace with those big group dynamics which is super important on that series in particular. i also miss frankie with my every fibre

lmaooo i call him a poor man’s ed gamble and that’s a compliment tbh

it may have very well been an act back in 2017, or maybe you were just really receptive to even him at his most honestly aggressive, hard to say. i was much more forgiving of that aggression the second time i saw him live but by the third and fourth times i was very much on the same page as those in the thread and thought it was borderline unprofessional and barely funny. honestly to each his own though, bc if it can pass as comedy then it is comedy, truly. the worst of it i saw was when a woman got up to use the restroom during the set and he ended up berating her for ten mins over it, and after the show she was outside telling people she was so sorry she upset him but she couldn’t wait any longer to change her tampon...seriously brutal. i really don’t have any reason to believe it’s an act. he’s mentioned many, many times on his podcasts that he is very sensitive, is sidetracked easily, is very self-critical, he doesn’t enjoy interacting with fans (specifically during and after standup), and it’s not uncommon for him to lose his groove half-way through his shows if something throws him off; he is also self-admittedly seriously mentally ill. the protection of being in character seems to have come in handy for him in a serious way for a long time, and i don’t think he’s come to understand how he’s meant to behave and interact when he’s being Real James like he is in cold lasagne. i don’t claim to know him, but considering the last time i saw him (spring) he did a whole bit about how suicidal he was just a couple months prior, it seems fair to say he’s still in throes of taking care of himself, so i’m sending him positive and healthy vibes and hoping he’s putting that before his career

note: i really don’t want to rehash this acaster convo again in the asks, so please message me off anon if you have any questions. stay positive and take care of your mental health, y’all!!

i haven’t!! i’ll let you know when i do though :’)

apart from the champion specials that are upcoming, we aren’t suuuure. probably september or october, though! i am rly excited for it to come back, it’s such a pleasant show and richard is such an underrated panelist in general imo

my thoughts exactly anon 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

anon stop are you trying to make me cry..........i genuinely find it so inspiring.........the first time i heard him say that the 2 years waiting for her were the hardest of his life, and if he had known he only had to wait 2 years for her they would have been the easiest..........broke a piece of my heart off that is still floating around my chest cavity trying to find a home..........

TBH I ASKED AND I HAVE RECEIVED

which links anon? i clicked through a bunch and everything is in working order. are you sure you’re looking at the original post, which gets updated?

f.a.q. // tags // watch links masterpost

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cvmillesoo-blog · 5 years

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everything is still so unfinished bc making mediocre blogs are the One thing that i’m a perfectionist over.. so i’m really going through it rn KGFDJDFGS

but hey guys !! i’m kat, 21 yo humanities student from the nt and your resident somin stan ! i’ll try to keep this short since with my luck, i’ll have to log off for a few hours ( EDIT: i was right, hence why this is being posted at 1am SJGDFL ), so you can find cami’s stats HERE, pinterest HERE, plots page is tba — as is her little navigation page with a few extra insights on her — and i’ll post a couple of old playlists i made for her soon enough. if you can’t already tell, she’s a bit of an old muse with some alterations who i missed...... and who i might be using Mostly bc i’m sunmi’s bitch SGJKDF

anyways, if you’d like to plot, just like this or hmu here or on discord ! with all that being said:

- ̗̀ ❛ muse 19, lee sunmi, she/her. ❜ ̖́- did you hear about the monaco trip? it’s legendary at ucla. camille soo is going, i’m so jealous. their instagram makes it seem like they’re pretty hedonistic and they’re all about sipping moscato with glossy peach lips & light, button-down blouses. can you believe they’re only twenty-four and they’re going on a free trip to monaco for the summer? hopefully they don’t let their unyielding side show too much on the trip. ( kat, she/her, nt )

writes short stories / runs an open mic night

i’m still developing Some of her background, but from a young age, she was rather creative and energetic

with two parents working in non-stem fields, her mother especially was always enthusiastic when cami too seemed more interested in the arts

she was imaginative, so much so that her in-class journal entries mirrored her ( day ) dreams more than reality — to her teacher’s slight displeasure if it strayed from a given topic — and that she immersed herself into the worlds she would create for her dolls

one of those kids who was VERY attached to their ipod when she got one, music had always been a cherished friend yet an unexplored outlet at the time

a film junkie from a young age, she also loves being able to see the worlds other people create visually and you’ll often find her watching whichever new or old release that came to mind earlier in the day — almost totally entranced, good luck getting her undivided attention in the meantime !

wasn’t the Most outgoing kid back then, but by high school she slowly became the girl who got involved in the smaller roles of student council before moving up to vp, as well as being part of the drama club and prom committee during her senior year

basically, she was destined for a social career, especially something which let her creativity flourish.. but then she applied to ucla’s engineering faculty —

SFGLJGFD to say her parents were shocked is kind of an understatement ! no one would think that she’d pursue such a field yet here she was.. going for it !

hearing many people talk about which careers were worth it financially seemed to erase her parents’ encouragement to follow her ( core ) desires, though at the time, camille genuinely thought it was a path she’d grow to like once she began to experience it — having already envisioned the ways she’d try to work around any difficulties she’d have

but come her first year, she’d realize she played herself in more ways than one

a diligent student throughout this period, she did begin to rebel a little, socializing and partying often and basically picking up from where she left off in high school with a couple of clubs. however, she could tell that she was struggling with her stem courses, while she was performing well with her required english course — and she could tell even at that point that she Fucked Up

so when she bombed a couple of those courses for her major by the end of that first year, she took a step back for a year to reanalyze her options.. and about five years later with some additional exploration into her interests, she’s on the cusp of graduating with an english major and a minor in film !

to say that she’s scared of what’s to come is Valid; so she’s glad that she can have this vacation to just relax with her friends and let the stress roll off her shoulders for the time being. and being able to let her inner world-class traveler finally see the light of day is just a bonus !

PERSONALITY AND OTHER SHIT

she’s.. an odd one to crack, that’s for sure

she’s very much a lively person, always curious and ready for the next adventure — big or small

she’s all about going out and having a good time, drunk or sober, and allowing herself the little luxuries in her life, like walks around the city or treating herself to a sheet or cream face mask and a glass of wine on a night in

but she’s level-headed enough to know when to take the occasional step back from certain things incorporated into her lifestyle.. for the most part

she’s totally diligent in what she loves, be it running that open mic night, any writing she does, her school work, bringing people together for an event, etc. she gets quite carried away at times, even stressed over what she produces from some of these things, and

in spite of her more social and active lifestyle, she is a little more on the responsible side, not one to exceed her limits or convince someone to neglect theirs

her word isn’t gospel, but you’ll have a rough go of trying to change her mind on something ! pretty stubborn in some areas

uhh straightforward — 94% of the time, at least gfsdk — and would definitely snap back at some people if she didn’t have some solid self-restraint

needs a hug sometimes ! an indiscreetly discreet emo bitch beneath her brighter attitude !

she’s a cancer.. so that might explain That

loves the smell and sound of the rain, perhaps the most relaxing thing to her

she loves, loves r&b, but also has an appreciation for many other genres.. except country and metal/screamo/just rly loud rock music gsdjlkf

in true canadian fashion on my end, she loves garlic fingers

usually wearing fresh, monochromatic makeup.. mostly bc she can’t be bothered to think of a cool look when she’s doing it quickly eight times out of ten

i didn’t say she was an artist or anything so skgfldgsf

and when i said button-down blouses in the app, i mean it as in this bitch has her closet FULL of them LKFGSJSG

she just. likes to feel airy and put-together

idk what else to add ??

aside from the fact that she’s bi, of course fgdlkjsgdf

so let’s just end it here bc i’m Wincing at this point

#monaco:intro #╳┊: — these are stacy’s baby ! •「 ooc. 」#this is so fucking ugly JSGLKGF #also i'm slow as hell ! not surprised !#lemme go finally blowdry my half-dry hair before i Actually talk to some of y'all gdfjklgsd

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mcribel · 5 years

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( ella purnell + 18 + muse 05 ) isn’t that maribel sawyer over there? i heard SHE joined faction one after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip to do something kind. hopefully they fit in there – they’re TENDERHEARTED, but also BIDDABLE. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine. ( james, she/they, 20, EST )

hello it’s me again !! i have really bad uuuhhhh self control so i brought in this sweetie !!

TW: PAST EATING DISORDER (MENTIONS ONLY), MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES.

a e s t h e t i c s

handwritten letters and ink-stained hands, vintage magnifying glasses and worn oxfords, knee-high socks and scraped knees, ribbons in hair and turtlenecks underneath dresses, dried flowers and locked up diaries, suede skirts and oversized cardigans, hot tea and cold coffee, flinching at loud noises, loud voices, record scratches and stumbles, stuttering words and beet-red faces, bitten nails and awkward stances, blankets laid out in the sun and the smell of newspapers.

general info !!

full name: maribel ottoline sawyer

nickname(s): mari, bell, lottie b/c middle name, etc. etc. just sawyer sometimes idk

b.o.d. - june 1st, 18 yrs old

label(s): the marionette, the demure, the obsequious, the allegiant, etc.

height: like 5′3″

hometown: duluth, minnesota

sexuality: ??? ??? ?????

stats TBD but her pinterest is HERE !

biography !!

born the middle child to a man in the air force and a woman whose passions laid among writing diet cookbooks and recording cooking DVDs, maribel was never anything extraordinary.

after all, her elder sister had a voice made for broadway, and her younger brother was writing sonnets before he’d hit middle school. and maribel was just maribel, another girl with middle child syndrome

her household was typical, conservative all-american, strict no matter where they moved. curfew before 9pm and family dinner every sunday, mandatory; better not miss out on those vegetables or you’ll be sitting there for hours. grounded for grades below their expected. the usual.

there wasn’t anything particularly interesting in her life for the longest time. she was just another shy girl who moved to school to school, quiet and seated in the very back of class, as if that’d allow her the coverage to remain unseen.

she couldn’t color in the lines, or follow the lines, or draw a straight line, the kind of gal who opened her mouth at the wrong time, whose voice got washed away by another’s interrupting. she got picked on at most schools, due to her size and her stumbling words, and she’d let it happen for the most part. always the wannabe, trying to be who she wasn’t.

it hadn’t helped that her mother was some sort of ... health food guru, a woman obsessed with image and the epitome of health - her practices were often forced upon maribel, especially, beginning in a long, difficult relationship with food.

by the time she was a freshmen in high school, her parents had divorced and, for a brief moment, mari thought she could finally settle down somewhere and become a normal teenager. this was until, of course, her mother enrolled her in a boarding school in nevada.

with her sister graduated and her brother still in middle school, mari was left alone in a strange school; the only constant being the cliques that surrounded herself and the money they waved around, as if it were nothing.

the only time she was ever really approached was because of her knack with forgery, a talent picked up after hours of mimicking others’ handwriting, an attempt to change every single part of her into someone likable.

often stayed in the computer labs during lunch and free periods, firstly because she’d never been allowed to have a computer at home (rots yr brain!) and secondly because she’d gotten into programming, and it was something she could actually ... see herself doing, potentially.

was alone in this until her sophomore year, when the next new kid found their way into the computer lab; the loser zone, the land of outcasts. this individual, despite their quirks and oddities, became maribel’s first genuine friend. they were a little too into conspiracies and mysteries, but that was alright.

soon enough, it started to rub off onto maribel, as well, who’d always been observant but not the kind of gal to put it to use. they became a tiny pair of investigators, p.i.’s without the certification, investigating petty school drama that was usually written on the inside of a bathroom stall.

essentially a less impressive nancy drew / scooby doo gang / veronica mars duo.

surprisingly ! beginning junior year, maribel got involved with the weed and underaged drinking and whatnot b/c her like, very best friend was doing it and she wanted to be...impressive, i guess?

so then they became stoner detectives. about halfway thru their junior year is when things got uuhh ... complicated.

one night they were just, y’know, getting high and other typical teenager things. and then someone started talking about aliens, and then area 51, and then they both became increasingly aware that they were living in nevada and Not Too Far from the airbase.

long story short, they attempted to break into area 51. they got caught, got charged with trespassing and had to be bailed out of county jail, maribel’s dad almost lost his job, and her best friend disappeared without a trace almost immediately afterwards. spooky shit !

this is when her mother packed up and moved them to west ham, kansas ! it was for a ~fresh start~ but really was just a way to keep her eye on maribel.

i mean, god, for the rest of her junior year maribel was miserable. she was a student at west ham high but like ... god, she hardly spoke to anyone. drug tested every week, essentially on some sort of form of house arrest.

wasn’t really allowed to get a job during this either ! so she made money by anonymously creating and selling fake I.D.’s b/c like ... yolo, y’know? why not?

her mental health deteriorated during this and by the summer before her senior year she was getting help for an eating disorder. she was essentially gone the entire summer, but like ... doubt anybody noticed tbh !

by the time senior year rolled around, maribel was in a better place and was like ... determined not to fall into a bad headspace again. her anxiety’s still pretty strong but ! she’s trying !

uuh started working for the school newspaper as a help column under a fake name b/c ! this was her way of branching out and getting to know students w/o actually doing it lmao.

took a few of her classes online so she could leave school earlier, just b/c it was a major source of anxiety for her and like ... she couldn’t eat alone in the bathroom again. her mom was a little less ... restrictive, so maribel got a job.

or well ... she got a lot of jobs. maribel, being maribel, can hardly keep a job b/c she usually ends up fucking up real badly in an almost comical manner and getting fired.

on the otherhand, she had earned herself a partial scholarship and was debating over majoring in computer science or investigative journalism (her parents were very disapproving of her doing computer science, however, so she was likely to be forced into journalism) ... until the trip.

she went as a simple act of kindness, y’know, to give back to the community that she hardly knew.

and now here we are !! joining faction one b/c she knows of everybody there and they’re all her age and like ... she can’t be on her own or she’d actually die lmao so !

personality !!

god ... she’s awkward. like just, straight up awkward. she’s real bad at talking to others.

always tripping and stumbling over her words, and occasionally her own two feet. she’s constantly jittery and just like ... fidgety b/c she’s usually nervous. touch her hand. it’s shaking. why? she doesn’t know !

however maribel is like ... very very very nice. tries really hard to be kind to everybody and tries really hard 2 be a good pal to whoever makes their way into her life.

sorta kinda like ... adjusts her personality 2 match whoever she’s talking to b/c she wants to be likable. oh, you smoke marlboros? me too ! proceeds to cough a lung after inhaling one (1) cigarette. that sort of shit.

used to smoke a lot of weed but ! didn’t really do it that much in recent months. might increase now that her mom isn’t around but you never know. uuhh the rare times that she does drink it’s like ... a complete flip in her personality. becomes ms. extrovert, a flirt of flirts. but that’s very rare.

very hesitant with befriending people even tho she ! desperately wants friends ! she’s just a little untrusting ... a little worrisome ... believes she’s cursed to be a friendless loser for the rest of her life. so she’s definitely like .. a try hard too.

i mean like i don’t think ‘no’ is in her vocabulary ! she’ll do anything if u ask and like .. sound like u really want it. really just is seeking approval whenever possible.

squeaks like a mouse :/

rambles ! when she’s nervous ! and apologizes a lot.

she’s just like ... insecure and doesn’t expect anybody 2 remember her from anything jskdfg

easily bends to other’s will, easily manipulative / easy 2 step on / etc. etc.

she does smile and like ... laughs a lot tho ! b/c she tries rly hard to come off as like happy and optimistic and like ... not having deep-rooted issues with herself.

she’s a good kid, just a lil plain jane. can’t talk for shit but has given good written advice b4. is good w/ math n numbers but not much anything else.

she is really observant !! doesn’t rly use it to her advantage tho :/ she just makes mental notes ... writes shit in her diary b/c she 100% keeps n writes in her diary daily.

sort of lies abt herself too ! like it’s nothing serious but like ... she doesn’t rly want others to know how lame she is sdifkg

can be ... ditzy , lacking common sense, a little naive ... just wants everything to be okay :(

loves vintage stuff ! owns p much only vintage stuff ! also listens 2 like ... records exclusively like the dork she is. like soft indie pop and other shit.

has probably cried 2 mitski but like ... who hasn’t :/

literally only turned 18 like ... a few days ago ... she’s baby ...

wanted connections !!

god okay ... so like obv i would like some friends for her ... varying degrees of closeness.

idk somebody she has crushed on before / is crushing on currently .. but like, from afar, like she’d never talk to them but she can look !! and dream !! and write their names together in her diary

somebody use her b/c she’s so naive n like ... usable. idk what for but ! anything ! get her to steal shit ! get her to wreck shit or to lie for you or whatever !

like ... fake friends ... ppl who’ll throw her away once her purpose is done

alternately !! something pure n wholesome.

ALTERNATELY srsly though. wreck her shit. convince her you care for her n then betray her !!

conspiracy pals ... for the rare times she gets high ...

someone she flirted with once while drunk at like a party and now she’s embarrassed and avoids them :/

an ex-tutor b/c ... don’t think school’s in session anymore ...

ppl who genuinely want the best for her and like ... care for her as a living person.

someone who just cant stand ! that she’s so weak minded and malleable ! and rather than use her they just ... clash with her. cause arguments even tho maribel doesn’t rly... do that.

like someone just yell at her sdikfg

someone has to get her out of a sticky situation and they’re like ... Annoyed. might not wanna admit it but ! and she just feels bad

ppl who she’s definitely given a fake I.D. to

ppl who literally forgot she existed dkfmghg

someone for her to follow around like a lil puppy and sidekick !! b/c she doesn’t have a single independent thought !! someone she’s just rly trying to impress

someone found her diary and oh no ! it’s embarrassing !

c o r r u p t h e r. idk how ! seduce her ! make her look at the world differently ! ruin her ! DESTROY HER !

literally ... anything ...pleathe ... i’ll give u a penny.

#apogeeintro #ed tw #mental health tw

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lokiarsene · 5 years

Text

like yesterday, here's a bullet list of my thoughts for episodes 18~21

thoughts on episode 18:

oh no, it's the beach episode.

-- i really like how they show the way the PT take care of futaba. ren patiently cleaning up her room in between hours at the florist, them playing vidya with her, or just having lunch together in montage moments is very sweet. it makes me wish the anime had much slower pacing, more slice of life-y kind of drama.

-- watching yusuke, ryuji, and futaba lose their freakin minds over good curry is VERY relatable.

-- i still don't understand why ann and makoto thought that a two piece frilly bathing suit was the way to go with futaba. a one piece that she could wear under a long wrap or a hoodie would've made so much more sense... but >male gaze

-- have i told y'all how fucking tired i am of the sexualization of the teenage girls in p5 yet, and how it is one of the several things that fuckin ruined this game for me

have i?

well here it is again

none of the previous games were as bad as this b t w and p4 had one of the dungeons be a STRIP CLUB.

-- yusuke and his lobsters are wonderful.

-- oh god i forgot COMPLETELY about the whole 'mental shutdowns' thing in this game's plot. i think because it's all so pointlessly convoluted. p3 had something similar but even there it was just people turned catatonic for weeks on end when the monthly boss-shadows drew near.

i think the reason i find this so hard to understand is because from p3 to p4 the rules of shadows didn't really change so much. p3 had the persona users go up against shadow bosses; p4 had people confront the shadows within themselves, either accepting them completely (which then turned into persona), or the shadow 'absorbed' the person and ran rampant as a monster. neither of those rules really contradict each other, but in p5 personal shadows for persona users are gone completely, and how you deal with other people's personal shadows doesn't even involve them being present to complete the merge.

mona says that persona users can't have palaces, but persona users in 4 could and DID have 'dungeons' within the shadows' worlds. these dungeons dealt specifically with what was at the core of the shadows' emergence--a deep secret and a hidden truth that caused the shadow to grow, a place that was a replica and a distortion of reality based upon that suppressed truth. so that sure sounds like a fucking palace to me.

so....................... unless there's like, multiple realities folded into our own, and persona users can only access certain ones.................. i'm just super confused.

like, i know it's because the rules change game to game, but p3 to p4 didn't have any contradictions, and p2 didn't contradict anything in p3, either. it just went from a full party of wild card users to a singular one.

-- i'm glad ann's getting a little screentime here. i was just thinking about how other characters' development was lacking after makoto and futaba got so much focus.

-- mona's so sweet to ann ;-; now that he has a human form in p5r, i hope they become really good friends. she needs a kind guy friend that'll be reliable~ plus he makes her laugh.

-- sojiro talking about the anniversary of wakaba's death is......... really interesting........ considering that screenshot of futaba sitting next to a woman with the exact same haircut as her "deceased" mother.

-- ren reassuring mona that he absolutely has to be human, that he will return to who he used to be once they figure out what's happening in the metaverse is jsut jdfklasd

AND HIS LIL ROUND OF APPLAUSE WHEN MONA TALKS ABOUT ALL THE THINGS HE'S GOING TO DO TO KEEP THE WORLD SAFE ;-;

AND THAT SHOT OF HIM SLEEPING CURLED UP ON REN'S STOMACH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-- listen i know mona isn't rly a cat but he's the BEST cat

thoughts on episode 19:

oh it's the hawaii episode.

-- man what the hell kinda budget do these school's got that they can just go overseas with dozens of students on a yearly basis? that's impressive.

-- ryuji: "whoa, awesome! ..... i don't really get it, but awesome!" fjdsafds okay that got a laugh outta me. good one, ryuji.

-- ren: "i'm excited, too." (said in a monotone) fjklsadsl BLESS THIS BOY

-- ren's FACE when he learns that futaba installed a spying app on his phone and can hear him/see pictures he takes is...... kind of hilarious. especially if you have the headcanon that he and akechi send dumbass snapchats to each other a lot--which i do. and which you do now, too.

-- mona's depression is ten times more sad because he's a cat okay :c why they gotta make the cat so cute

-- ren, ryuji, and ann's lil sleepover is adorable. especially since ann chastises ryuji for not knowing one of the basic rules of a sleepover: if you start talkin' about your crushes, you gotta start with your own~ thems the rules lads

-- rip principal bloatneck.

-- honestly that truck shoulda at least TRIED to stop.

-- "A LO HA." goddammit that's adorable

AND HE GIVES THE LEI NECKLACE TO MONA FJDSKFJDSKL ren you're so SWEET.

-- I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT MONA CALLS SAE "ONEE-NO-NIIJIMA" FJADSKLFJDSKL ahhhh it's so cute.

-- the PT targeting okumura, who is essentially the dave thomas with political ambitions of the persona 5 world, is far funnier now that i phrase it like that.

-- ANN, OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE, SAYING THAT THEY PROBABLY BROUGHT THIS RECENT TROUBLE ON THEMSELVES, IS A FUCKING STUPID WRITING DECISION. I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE DIDN'T LOOK AT THAT AND GO, "ANN WOULDN'T SAY THIS. ANN HAS NO REASON TO SAY IT." god. lmao PLEASe let p5r be a goddamn second draft.

-- mona's totally right that ryuji's just concerned with getting popular and his dick wet. like,,, that's why this argument only made me hate ryuji more than i already did. he gets pissy when mona points out the truth.

god he sucks lmao

I'M SORRY I'M SO SALTY YOU GUYS

LOOK I'LL SAY SOMETHING NICE: SAE AND AKECHI ARE COOL

-- i really like how guarded akechi's face looks in his conversation with sae, and how off his guard he looks when she tells him that she's not going to hold back, especially since the culprit is doing such dire, awful things. he's not exactly surprised, but he's definitely uneasy and shaken by what he hears. which makes me wonder who he’s really concerned for--himself, or for ren (and the PT by extension, but akechi only really seems to care about ren, so).

the reason i like that is because the okumura arc in p5 is really where akechi's mind starts its downward spiral. principal kobayakawa's death obviously rattled him, especially since the only reason the principal died was because shido saw him as useless and disposable, something akechi is desperate NEVER TO BE. and it's that + what happens with okumura that really kicks him over the edge.

i hope p5r will give us the chance to pull him back from it. he deserves a better chance than the game's subpar writing gave to him.

thoughts on episode 20:

-- ren wakes up in a panic because he thinks he sees mona on his bed ;___________;

-- goro snoopin' on the PT's LOUD, TOTALLY CONSPICUOUS conversation in front of okumura foods' HQ is kind of adorable if you remember he clearly loves star wars (HE HAS A LIGHT SABER), and the camera cuts to his face right as they're talking about big bang and outer space lingo.

-- oh, haru. i really wish you were the black mask. that would've been so much cooler--and an actual twist. her total hopeless panic about being a beauty thief could still be a thing (because it is actually endearing), it'd just be an act. but that's me talkin' fix-its again.

-- i really like the scene of haru defending mona to the PT on the rooftop, then cutting to show just how strained her relationship is with her father. she exists to be useful to her father's ambitions and nothing else, and that scene really drove home just how painful that is for her.

-- REN TWIRLS HIS HAIR BETWEEN TWO FINGERS WHEN HE'S DEEP IN THOUGHT. AHHHHHHH I FORGOT HE DID THAT

-- oh hey remember how the game went through the trouble of showing how haru's fiance is a sexist, violent, animal-hurting piece of shit and then promptly failed to actually separate her from him in game (i think you only can do that in her s-link?? the s-link you can barely finish in your first run of the game??), and in t hEN SHOWED HER IN THE CAR WITH HIM LATER, LOOKING HORRIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE?

god this story makes me so fucking mad lmfao STOP PUTTING GIRLS IN PHYSICALLY OR SEXUALLY VIOLENT PERIL AND NEVER ACTUALLY ENSURING THAT THEY'RE SAFE, YOU DAVID CAGE LEVEL OF HACK BULLSHIT WRITERS.

-- ryuji running into the attic, all worried about mona, with a first aid kit, is..... very good. very good and endearing. good on you, ryuji.

-- haru gently encouraging mona to tell the truth is also really good. idk if i just missed it in the game or what, but i really like how she's presented in the anime. she's like a counterpart to ren--soft, sincere, observant, patient, yet she's made of pure steel beneath all that.

thoughts on episode 21:

-- WHY WAS HARU'S GRANDFATHER GIVING COFFEE TO A FIVE YEAR OLD

-- haru, the reason your father's heart grew twisted is thanks to capitalism. you gotta change the heart of capitalism.

-- not to be all poochie here but whenever akechi isn't on screen, all i can ask myself is whERE'S AKECHI?

-- HOW CAN I TAKE THE EVIL DAVE THOMAS SERIOUSLY WHEN HE'S DRESSED LIKE FUCKIN MEGAMIND?

-- okay see this is where i'm thrown completely out of the story or even really liking haru. haru just listened to her dad's shadow saying he would PIMP HER OUT TO HER FIANCE WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. and she still is just like ~no i want him to go back to being kind~

bitch are you nuts

are you NUTS

youR DAd SHOULD DIE AND YOU'D BE BETTER OFF

CONSIDERING HOW THE GAME GOES, YOU ARe BETTER OFF

god. i'm getting so mad again lmao

-- ren approaching haru to point out that if the truth of her father's crimes comes to light, she'll forever be associated with him (and with all the harm and ruined reputation that brings) is, once again, further reminder of just how... damn good ren is. he doesn't hesitate to speak from the heart nor does he ever fail to listen to someone else speak from theirs.

-- also not for nothing but uh

how did the cops not like

figure out how the PT phan-site was set up within the first few months and track it down to mishima? was that ever addressed at all?

-- honestly another reason why i get so fucking mad about this okumura stuff is the game goes SO FAR OUT OF ITS WAY to make you feel BAD that he died, when he was by all rights a fucking shitheel monster, yet when akechi dies it's like 'oh well. that sucked.' fuck off, atlus. the death of a greedy, heartless CEO isn't more sad just because his gaslit daughter is conditioned to be sad about it.

i understand that a large part of the shock after okumura's death is because the PT don't know if they did anything wrong. but okumura was in no way a good person. he was in no way a person whose redemption overruled all the hurt and harm he did. that has been the case for EVERY PT target before this, so why the fuck is okumura suddenly so different? why SHOULD he be?

the difference between him and, say, akechi is that okumura et. al. all made those choices on their own to do terrible things. they delighted in it, they enjoyed it. but akechi, much like futaba, was forced into a cycle of self-destruction--it’s just that in futaba’s case, her self-destruction targeted herself, and akechi’s was quite literally weaponized and used against others. he approached shido as a young teenager and was then used by him for years.

a teenage boy being used as a magical hitman by his shitlord father is far more deserving of sympathy and redemption than grown adults who willingly make the decision to harm, abuse, and prey on others. but no, the game didn’t want to do that.

this is another big problem i have with p5's second and third acts: it's so tonally dissonant and sloppy. it's like they didn't try to actually be as rebellious and hellraiser-y as the first act WANTED to be, and it all ends up being such a limp-dick shriveled mess of "let's fight against this rotten society!! ......... as long as it in no way actually upsets anyone or does any REAL change." fuck off lmao

that's not me even commenting on the "twist" and how it needed to be explained MULTIPLE TIMES to the player for it to make any sense.

and it still doesn't make sense to me btw.

so that's another thing i hope p5r fixes.

-- rip evil dave thomas megamind.

-- akechi floating the idea to sae that the phantom thieves had nothing to do with okmura’s death is............................ interesting.

#this is the ask tag #p5 anime #some slight salt in this post y'all

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rcsmerta · 5 years

Text

bubble bubble toil and trouble / have you seen [ rosmerta fawley ] ? i heard that they are [ neutral ] to the war or avoiding it all together ! [ she ] is/are [ cisfemale ] and [ twenty nine ] ! they are often mistaken for [ lindsey morgan ] and known to be [ streetsmart and dramatic ] ! i wonder if they’ll survive the war.

LINKS ; pinboard, stats page

TRIGGER WARNINGS ; homo/lesbophobia, death

HISTORY

rosmerta is born at the end of july, in smoldering heat, crying and screaming and promising not to be a quiet child from the moment she enters the world. she’s born into the fawley family, a proud and traditional pureblood family, as well as the alvarado family on her mother’s side, a pureblood family from mexico. her mother and father met during an international ministry event, hit it off immediately and married after they received approval from both their parents.

so her parents love each other and they love their kids, too. they have three, and rosmerta is the youngest, the wildest, the odd one out. while her siblings listen to their tutors and their piano teachers with angelic expressions on her faces, rosmerta prefers to run around the garden and learn about heroines. she loves the beach especially, and her fondest childhood memories are naturally of family days spent there.

this is important: rosmerta wasn’t an unhappy child. sure, she felt pressured to be someone she was not, and didn’t always feel like she had room to be who she could be, but she also had a carefree spirit that was never quieted down, not even when her parents looked disappointed or tired at her.

hogwarts rolled around, and rosmerta was sorted into hufflepuff (though nearly gryffindor). the scottish highlands are nothing like the south english coast, but she feels right at home among the rural mountains and near the dark lake. water always appeals to her — there’s no deep reasoning for it, in all honesty. rosmerta just likes to swim, against the current or with it.

rosmerta is a really shit student, to be honest. it’s not a lack of intelligence per se, but a lack of focus and motivation. while she loves working with her hands and wand, she hates writing essays with a deep passion. she just prefers doing other things? she likes quidditch and laughing with people and exploring the castle and later on partying, too. there’s just no time in her life to sit down and write essays properly.

so while her siblings were Model Students, known for their great grades and responsibility, rosmerta was known for crass comments and getting detentions. she didn’t mind. rosmerta was loving her life in the castle, felt more free there than she ever did at home, laughed all the way through her detentions and sometimes surprised her teachers with clever comments or great spellwork.

she ends up fucking up her OWLs. big time. she ends up earning three, and continues to take comc, herbology and charms for her NEWTs. it’s not the worst. she’s not really mad at herself about it — she likes those subjects, is glad to drop the rest of them. her parents, however, grow more disappointed than they had been before. there’s no room for starting a promising career with grades like that, and that’s what fawleys do. they have great jobs, work hard, earn a lot. it’s not what rosmerta wants and now it’s not even an option, any more.

the last two years at hogwarts were ones of self discovery, more messes and a whole lot of rebelling. rosmerta just ... did not like school. she liked learning, sure, but the system was just one she felt trapped in. she felt trapped by her family and their expectations that she didn’t care about, really, but still ---- and she was gay. she hadn’t told her parents, but her sister knew, and she was trying to figure out how to present it.

[ lesbophobia mention she came out to her parents during christmas break in her seventhyear. it went over ... not very smoothly, but more smoothly than she had expected. her parents swallowed, looked disappointed (which wasn’t new) and told her not too make it into something too big. not to make a scene about it. (or, in other ways, just keep it hush hush, dear) and they let it go and kept eating their christmas dinner. that was it. end of mentions ]

rosmerta takes a job at the three broomsticks once she’s graduated. sticks to the castle that is so near and dear to her and joining a place that gave her joy during her years at school. she serves beer and earns her own money and starts depending on her parents less and less. her parents aren’t happy about her career choice, of course --- she should be doing something at the ministry or something else that was big. this was big to her, fuck you

[ lesbophobia tw she ends up bringing a girlfriend to a family dinner, two winters later. it doesn’t go over well. not at all. all the mutual frustrations between her and her parents burst out and their dinner table becomes a battleground in stead. tensions grow into ruptures. they don’t agree with this lifestyle. they don’t agree with this girlfriend. rosmerta ends up leaving before desert, taking as many things as she can with her and asking her boss for a room at the three broomsticks.

she goes home one more time soon after to grab more of her stuff and starts living at the three broomsticks, sort of, paying for her room by working more shifts. she’s not going to change herself for her parents. she’s not going to do anything for them that she doesn’t want to bloody do.

were her parents broken up when she left? a bit, sure. they were saddened, mostly frustrated, but then again --- rosmerta was their rambunctious child, the one that didn’t fit in, the one that would endanger their name and status if she kept going on like this. maybe a bit of separation would do them good, and on top of that, she was a lesbian, too. (harold, she’s a lesbian), and that was just another thing they struggled to accept.

it wasn’t a definite break or an estrangement, but the beginning of a big wedge developing. rosmerta had moved out and not looked back. she didn’t owl. she didn’t do anything but focus on making a new life. end of tw ]

and so the three broomsticks becomes her new home. it kind of already was --- her boss is like a mother figure, with her loud, cheery voice, and her colleagues like a dysfunctional bunch of siblings, cousins and crazy aunts. she loves working there. she loves helping out the hogwarts students that come over every now and then and laughing when men flirt with her and the loud noise of chatter.

[ death tw her boss dies after she’s been there for six years. she was part of her newfound family, the woman who held her when she angrily wept over her old one, the one who laughed and chatted and gave her a discount on her room. her will says that the pub goes to her. rosmerta. she’s puzzled. so are some of her colleagues --- she’s been working there shorter than many of them, after all, and she’s young. she takes a moment to think but accepts and becomes the owner of the three broomsticks at age twenty four. end of tw ]

CURRENTLY & PERSONALITY

so ros has been the boss for about four years now and she loves it. she’s no longer just the pretty barmaid, she’s the bleeding manager, and while it was something she had to get used to, she feels right at her place. i mean, there’s people around her almost all of the time, there’s beer and music and beautiful scenery surrounding her and she loves it. she breathes for it. she adores it.

rosmerta is a very sociable person. she’s very clever socially --- she’s able to read situations and people well and react the right way, do the right thing. she doesn’t always of course, as she has a bit of a love for the dramatics and drama in general, but still. she knows how to use her brain when it comes to people.

regarding the war, rosmerta has chosen to remain neutral, but not because she feels neutral. she knows she doesn’t have much to offer when it comes to ... combative stuff and fighting (she does have a mean right hook, but she’s no good at dueling) and she just feels safer staying neutral. she’s just really not wired to be a fighter, to be a martyr? she doesn’t want to throw her life on the line. she strongly disagrees with the death eaters, though, and the whole pureblood agenda. i can see her feeding some information to the order whenever she gets it (or someone in the order --- i doubt she knows of its existence) so wanted connection aye!

rosmerta loves backing or cooking to clear her head a little. she’s clumsy with it, but good. come get a hot meal at the 3 broomsticks and find out for yourself wink wonk

feels very responsible for the young kids that come over her floor asdkjsd. she just wants to! look after them! give them some vegetables and a beer! she wants them to relax and be okay sjdsf

curses like a sailor

she wants to play the guitar and has been self studying but ,,, it’s an ongoing process. she LOVES music so much though. good god.

she knows she’s hot and she doesn’t mind flaunting it, reminding people of it and showing it. rosmerta is an icon in hogsmeade bc of her looks it’s p much canon

she’s so chaotic i stg when will she ever RELAX. she just thrives of off chaos, ya feel? lives for it. she rly likes drama as well LMAO she’s always here to hear some gossip and while she hates it when ppl go fist to fist at the 3b, she fucking loves the lead up LSJKFEWSF. she’s v much inbetween chaotic neutral/chaotic good tbh

loved vine, misses it, rip. a true millenial.

there is more but my laptop is about to die and i need to get dressed <3

#brontideintro

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gayneral · 5 years

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All those flowers, my dude

First of all thank you for asking, this will be longAlso as this took me almsot two weeks already I took the liberty of leaving some queastions out so I wouldn’t take even longerSince this was answered over a longer time span some questions that are aimed at certain days may be slightly outdated (ed what are u wearing today and such)

Alisons: Sexuality?I’m gay my dudes

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?He/Him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?My Birthday is in June

Anemone: Favorite flower?This is gonna sound lame as fuck but I rly like roses, red ones in particular

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?I can’t choose but here are some favorites:

Peaky Blinders, I’ve watched this one so often,,, Cillian Murphy was what got me into it and I stayed for beautiful scenes and atmosphere and the gang drama

Gotham, Let’s be honest, the best thing abt dc are their villains (also suuuuper into Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office, i like these because they are easy, nice and satisfy my need to have something running in the background while I’m at home. (Also insanely sweet in the case of BB9)

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?One I still remember strongly is from two boys kissing “you should all live to meet your future selves”

Also many of the poems by keaton st james deeply resonate with me so check those out (most are religious-ish just in case that’s a no no for you)

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?I gotta be boring and say water

I like hot chocolate and a special kind of peach tea and some soda I drank in brazil but water,, yeah I drink that most,, love hydration

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?I am, right now, at this very moment

Baneberries: Favorite song?I can’t give you an all time favorite so here’s a random favorite I currently like listening to: Sedated by Hozier

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.My family is not very big and actually hasn’t been a family for a very long time. Namely it’s my dad, my sister, my grandparents, my dads wife, her son, our dog and I. I have never experienced family in my youth so sometimes when I’m with them it’s all very odd. And sometimes it’s stressful. But it’s the first time I actually miss family when I’m alone at home, far away. I speak about my father and my grandparents further below but my sister is very sweet and I’m pretty protective of her, she and I get along a lot better now than before which is a common trait as ull see later.

We often take care of things, and are probably the most planning of the family. My dad’s wife is very good to talk to, having a very different perspective from my own and will always offer up advice. Her son is currently in pirperty and more interested in playing fortnite than anything which makes for some explosiveness at home. Our dog is cute and perfect that’s it.

Begonia: Favorite color?I like blue tones, but a dark, rusy kind of red is cool too

Bellflower: Favorite animal?Dogs Dogs Dogs. By far my favorite animal, they fill my heart with joy. Next up, Giraffes, funny big boys

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?Morning I think, I definitely work best early.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?I actually never really had a dream job as a child. Not that I remember at least.

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?While I generally ain’t a big fan, like I’m someone very based on conversations so obviously that’s hard w kids. I am growing more to them. I’m far from wanting one but I think children are special in their.. Like innocence. They are beyond all the bitterness and hatred that we adults have. If only parents would be better lmao

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?I’m afraid of many things. Change for example. And failure. I think that might be because being perfect was important when I grew up and whatever I did it was never enough to my mother especially. Perhaps that has become so deep rooted that I tell myself I can not fail, which makes me very nervous and makes me worry too much.

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.I spend lots of time on building sites and in hardware stores because my grandparents have houses and my parents often would work there too.

Buttercup: Relationship Status?Single

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?God I don’t know, I think it’s probably when I’m with someone I care about and it’s easy and light and fun and I feel comfortable and they tell me that they like being around me, or that I made them happy with something.

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?Nope,wanted to have some but money and shit

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings? I have my ears pierced, but it’s the earlobes so the most basic thing

California Poppy: Height? I insist on 1,70 at least, I will not accept being under that.

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?In a way, yeah

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?My new boots, black pants, winter coat, black jacket, a blue button up and a lord of the rings shirt underneath. Obviously underwear

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?When I was a child for sure

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?A person from school, who’s also in fashion design, but a few years above me that I got to know bc of cosplay.

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?My Ex

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?God idk, I like oldish looking ones, elegant ‘n stuff

Columbine: Are you tired?Nah, actually not rn

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?Sam visiting me in March

Coneflower: Dream job?I’m not sure, definitely something w sewing but idk if I wanna go theater or my own things

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?Yeh

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Very very far

I’d say I’m pretty damn loyal and also give myself up easily even without noticing. If someone has my love and my loyalty they have my everything basically. Would I commit a terrible crime? I don’t know. Would I be real mean to someone or punch them? Yeah, if it’s reasonable w the situation I would (would it be affective? Not sure)

Give myself up? If we’re thinking real dramatic..maybe yeah

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?Gemini

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?Funny or stupid things? MaybeOtherwise honourable stuff, i don’t think so, i don’t view my actions like that.

I mean I survived, that’s pretty cool

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?Above mentioned survival. Which includes making it out of my mother and her boyfriends abusive grip and household. Moving away. Being true to myself. Dragging myself out of the hole I had fallen in for a while. Getting close w my dad and family. Believing more in myself and stopping things that are not good for me. Getting an apprenticeship that I like. Moving forward in life

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?If it’d be my dad I’d sit down with him and ask him why exactly. I have had a relationship before in which I did not see how badly I was treated/ that I basically searched someone like my mother. So I’d listen, perhaps to prevent from making the same mistake again. If it turns out it’s nothing reasonable I think I’d tell him that I will pursue the relationship anyway and ask him to respect that and be as nice as possible to my partner.

If it’d be my mother.. No surprise she doesn’t even like me and honestly I wouldn’t give a shit.

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?Did I say it? Not sure but written it in a letter, it was Sam

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?If my grades speak for themselves it’d be my apprenticeship, or like idk working hard about something I enjoy. I take this very seriously and give it everything I can. I’ve been told I’m good at talking, not sure if that’s true

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?I’m envious. It’s not that far that I am not happy for people, I think i generally have it under control but sometimes it gets the best of me and fills my stomach with nasty emotions.

Also saying stop. I do a lot for people, and I’ve been prone to letting people use and step on me for too long xnot standing up for myself

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?The past month was actually absolutely terrible so not much to find here.Uhm..the bad thing that happened got our family closerI spend Christmas and new years w my familyI got amazing gifts and letters from my friends

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?Stressful. I worked on my semester project and I feel like hardly anything worked

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?I’m moving towards a happy place. But I’m definitely doing a lot better already

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?Finish my apprenticeship, surgery, be able to make my own money so I don’t have to rely on my dad so much (he does enough for me already) and so I can get more distance between my mother and I

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?In no particular order

1. Dogs, god whenever I see a dog I’m happy because they are so cute and loyal,,,,,,,

2. probably everyone and their dog says this but my friends, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. They helped me through terrible times in my life, are a constant source of love and joy to me.

3. my family. Since I didn’t have that for a long time I cherish it even more now that I do. It’s amazing to have a family that supports you behind you. I’m super grateful for everything they’ve done for me

4. the possibility to do the apprenticeship that I want to. it’s not always easy,,,I lack the money lmao but I’m so grateful that I can do this, because it makes me feel like I’m actually worth something in the working,adult world. I’m good at this

5. music. I listen to it so often, I can’t imagine not having music

6. sunshine, there’s something wonderful about going outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, when it’s spring and winter has just gone by and you just have to smile because everything is bright and you’re surrounded by light

7. myself. Listen I dislike myself as much as the next guy but I’m working on appreciating myself and I am insanely proud of myself for coming as far as I have come. I don’t let myself feel it very often but having myself, it’s a good thing. I know my younger self would be very happy knowing that I did all those things for us.

8. something that makes me happy is creating, might it be art, or sewing or writing, anything really. It’s a pain in the ass and frustrating at times but I love looking at something knowing I did this, finishing it. And then looking back at it later and seeing how far I’ve come again

9. playing video games. It’s just fun to lose yourself in a story sometimes.

10. Christmas Markets. I don’t like Christmas itself. But I love the Markets, it’s the atmosphere of it. The food smells amazing and there are all those lights and there are kids with actual shining eyes because they see Christmas so magical and they are in awe by all the lights and honestly I feel the same awe sometimes when I’m on those Markets

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? Hardly anything lmao. Listening to music. Distracting myself with either talking to someone or playing/watching something. Tho that often makes me feel guilty on the long run. What helps if stress is overwhelming me is writing down what it is that is stressing, like making a list and trying to untangle the mess, looking at what I have to do one by one

Hellebore: How do you show affection?Since I’m A big fan of honesty I usually just say it. I like to tell people when I get some emotion. Like just telling them that I appreciate them. I think it’s nice to just be told that sometimes. Besides that I do things, like I’ll send anon messages or offer help just assisting somehow. Like not always outright having them know it’s me,like affection from afar. And well I’m helpful when I care abt someone especially, like “I can do this for you”

And being super openIt’s not alway clever as experience has shown but to me offering up things about myself means trust means affection in a way. Like giving a part of myself to someone. lmao

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?Making it to this point, I wasn’t in a very good state just a bit ago. But with the help of my friends and family I made it out of it. I have an apprenticeship I enjoy, I have my own flat, I have something to stand up for again. I can appreciate myself some more. I was able to see toxic relationships i was in and get away from them and not let myself be guilted but seeing them for what they are and acknowledging that while I am not a saint it doesn’t mean that I have to accept any treatment. I stood up to my mother, even if just a bit that was a huge step for me.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?I barely had any of it recently so I can very much put what I want to do. Which would be drawing. I haven’t done that properly in so long and I miss it. Like both sketching stuff on paper but mostly full pictures, sketching, lining and colouring somethin. Having a full art piece at the end. Also Play Games. And talk to my friends. Haven’t had a nice hour long convo with Nina or Charlotte or Sam in ages and I hate that.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?That’d be Charlotte and Nina

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?I would hide away in my room and imagine. Invent stories, characters, anything to distract me from how unhappy I was. I would act them out in my head when I laid in bed so I could sleep.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?I did not treat someone that I care about very well a few years ago, I didn’t give them the honesty they deserve. I was an asshole. Even if we spoke about it, I still feel very bad about it.

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?Indulging. When I have things to do but take a break I always feel super guilty for not doing anything.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?It seems it comes from the Roman name Julianus, and was the name of a pangan Roman Emperor as well as a name of saints. Sometimes meaning youthful which fits because I look like a baby

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.I grew up in a big city in Germany. Very busy City with high buildings and no time. I lived in a flat when I was very young, a room with big windows where I’d sit and look out ot. Then we moved into the house my dad still lives in. Where houses were built in rows and more people knew each other, I’d walk home and pretend to not see them as to not have to speak to them.

Then I moved in a beautiful flat in a more busy part of the city, with a bookstore in the same building and a supermarket right down the street. My hometown is best described in the colour grey. I dont think it very pretty if I’m honest.Still its full of memories and not half as bad

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?Talking about the one in the house. Light peach coloured walls. Small but with big windows to look out of. An old wooden bed in front of one Window, and even older Closet next to the door, already so old that it had been ancient when my dad had been young. A desk in one corner at the other side of the room, above it shelves filled with books, little trinkets on the windowsills. Cabinets filled with paper full of secrets. Posters on the Walls and a round mirror that I hated looking into when I was young.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years? God no. I have repressed most of my younger years. My teenage years were filled with confusion and self doubt. I was a mess, I hated myself, not knowing who I was. And then knowing but being shamed for it, hiding away and keeping my head low to survive. Pushing myself to the limits and clinging to the thought that I could escape at age 18

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.My Mother and I are not on good terms. I’ve spend countless of years desperately attempting to please her, hoping for love or anything close to it. I was constantly let down by her. My mother is someone that I fear I’ll never understand, adapting to the men that she is with. Claiming to have reached compassion and selflessness while being the opposite. Acts childish and has never accepted or supported me. Now attempts to lure in my sister whom I fear for as she’s always wanted my mother to love her. I have estranged from her very much and currently I am happy seeing her as less as possible.

Onions: Tell about your dad. I remember my father as a very autocratic person in my youth. He’d always work and would only be home to cast judgement. We did not get along well, and my mother, like grima wormtongue, had influenced me further into seeing him as a terrible person. Now I see him very differently. In fact I am similar to my father. Hard working, well spoken and crafty. We share a similar humor and I am very thankful for his support over the last year. To me my father is a very good example of how sometimes people can actually change, sometimes second chances will not disappoint you. My father cares very much about our family and I am happy to have gotten close to him again.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.I won’t lose many words about my mother’s parents as there isn’t much to say about them.My mothers father was always sick, more often because he believed he was. The years before he died it had only gotten worse. My Grandmother was never really happy in that relationship, something I believe she handed down to my mother.

My fathers parentsWell, when I was young it was difficult, they aren’t exactly children people, despite trying. I especially had my difficulties with my grandmother, who was work above everything and wanted everything to be perfect.I remember her always fixing my clothing. Countless of instances of her and my dad arguing.

When I got older we had barely any contract until I had my coming out to my dad, who told my grandparents. Much to my surprise and I still respect that so much, they were immediately supportive and accepting, perhaps even more than anyone else from my family.

In the last year we grew closer. They helped me with my flat and would come over to set up a few things. I took them to a restaurant that my grandfather would always talk about whenever we talked, happily.

My grandmother and I had phone calls at least once a week, she was also the most interested in my apprenticeship, always curious, sending me old magazines and ideas she had. As well as button ups and shirts she had bought for me or old ones from my grandfather.She offered me support when we talked, told me they’d do anything they could

When my sister and I were getting clothing for my grandpa, as he was saying with us, I found a book on my grandmother’s bedside table.It was an educational oneIn it was also an article she had cut out of a newspaper, the title saying how the support of the family is the most important thing to lgbt children.

I miss my grandmother

Peony: What was your first job?I worked a summer at my mothers workplace. Cleaning watches and watch straps, replacing small things on the straps

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?We met 2014 on a cosplay convention in the city I grew up in. We met on the first day of that, where we all hung out in a group and then he and Charlotte spend the next day w us as well.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?I bottle it up, focus on something that keeps me busy. Sometimes other people’s pain or doing things for them. Distraction from thoughts really. I’m best when I’m busy

Pink: Where is home?If you’d asked me a couple of months ago my answer would’ve been easy and quick. But now phew, I mean I call my place home as in “I’m going home” and I call my dads place home as in “I was home over the holidays”

But I’m not sure, not really

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?I could go endlessly both about important historical events and tragedies as well as personal mishaps and bad choices. But eventually I actually think this is too big of a question to answer like this. I’m generally better in speech than word when it comes to things like that

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.Steady. As in a job that I like, that provides me with enough money to survive well. Not to worry about everything. Having Dogs, as that I something I always wanted. Living somewhere in the city (always dreamed of a Fachwerk House but yeah…), with the possibility to visit my friends that I am in good contact in. Living with love and happiness. With a connection to my family still as good as now. Perhaps with someone,,,

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?I love the sound of paper, like books, pages turning, things like that. Also soft rain

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?I’m a Class A represser. So it’d probably be many things centered abt my mother.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want? I want my semester presentation to go well tomorrow. That’s all I care abt rn

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? It used to be harder in the past but I’ve gotten slightly better at it. I’m still struggling with feeling but it’s a work in progress.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?My Friends and Family, cheesy I know but over the last year I’ve become more set in that. Once more I noticed how much strength those can give you. And also noticed how important they are to me by the way things that happen hurt me

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?7 hours, couldn’t fall asleep at first but that’s usually my minimum of sleep

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?School. I have a timed, strict schedule thanks to that and it forces me to get up until a certain time in the morning. That helps a lot actually

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?I’m still in an apprenticeship but I enjoy it a lot

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?I have a new pair of shoes that are so beautiful I wish I had the look and body and style to wear them day to day. Also got some cool button ups

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.Look at this and you’ll see first hand https://www.pinterest.de/Gayneral/

I’m sorry I’m bad at desctibing my aesthetic. It’s like, historical stuff, museums, snowey Fachwerk, religious themed things, bee themed things, watches…

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?My semester project is due to two and a half weeks and I’m super nervous about finishing it like boooooy

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?Sadly I’ve been super busy recently so I’ve only been able to read a tiny bit in my holidays, Acht Nacht by Sebastian Fitzek

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?Still in school, doing good, and enjoying it

Still having a good relationship w my father, my sister and that whole family

Still good with my friends, hopefully seeing them more often

(maybe in a relationship pls don’t @ me)

Generally happy, not having to worry too much

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Thanks to tumblr I do, and I hate it

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I take my school very seriously. And I have zero tolerance for those in our school that don’t.

#you wanted to know #ninjago #answered ask #ask game #ask meme #pers: negative #redbluemaiden #long post

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