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#i made some very brief returns to tumblr on various blogs before.
apostlc-a · 3 years
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i know i’m being emotional on main a lot but... i’m very thankful for the space i have in the rpc. i can’t always tell all of you how much i adore you, and my brain keeps getting in the way, but i’m so amazed by having so many wonderful people that i met through here that i can call my friends, so many talented writers that somehow want to interact with me and my idiot, and i’m just... floored by how loved i feel here, and i adore you all so much, and i hope you know how much i love you all. 
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toastpotent · 3 years
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so i wasn't gonna do this, but before i fully return i'm gonna make a followup post. i'm going to try to make this as brief as possible. there are a few things i'd like to say, so i'm going to just list them out to try and keep it organized. first, an apology:
first, sorry for dropping offline the past few days (except for at one point where i scrolled through memes for like 10 minutes). i don't know if i should even admit this but the last few days have been extremely difficult for me because of this. i'm not saying this to necessarily play the victim card, but i want to emphasize that 1) this is something i've really taken to heart (probably way too much to be honest) and 2) this has gone way further than i ever expected it to.
there are some things i want to apologize for, and some things that i don't want to apologize for. to start: i apologize for not clarifying the intention or direction of that post i made. i started the post by saying it "wasn't a vent", which to me meant a signal to followers to not take pity on me/think i was going down a bad path or something, but it (obviously) came across to everyone else as it being a generalized discussion about transgender people as opposed to me talking about myself. this hurt people, and it was my fault, and i am sorry for that.
i am also sorry, consequently, for the language i used in the post. because people assumed it was a general commentary about transgender people, the vulgar wording that i used in reference to myself came across as extremely derogatory and like an attack against all transgender people. many people, even people who don't necessarily blame me for the post itself, were understandably extremely hurt by that sort of wording, and i truly apologize for causing that hurt.
additionally, some people were very upset about a couple of the initial responses i made in response to the post. while i don't think it was wrong of me to argue in my defense, at the time i hadn't realize just how many people read my post differently than i intended (aka how badly worded it was) which led to some of my initial responses being dismissive. i tend to put on a jokingly immature facade for angry anons in general because it's just easier, but i didn't foresee how that would be harmful here. i apologize for that too.
as a last thing, i'm not a trigger tagger typically but if i made a post like that, i definitely could have at least made a warning for it, so i'm sorry about that too.
that being said. there are also many things that i need to address that i am not going to be quiet about:
to be honest, i'm not sure exactly what the timeline was of who called me out first and why and where. some of these callouts/complaints i know are justified in the sense that they were criticizing the language in my post. apparently, however, this has gone way further than i thought. so here is my response to some other things that are apparently happening:
i never "mocked incest survivors", and i have no idea what people are talking about.
i have not "started harassment campaigns" against other tumblr users because of this. i have seen several urls get mentioned in various places where people have been claiming that i have been harassing them, and i have no idea who any of these people are. if any of these people are being harassed, it has absolutely nothing to do with me. if it is my followers who are doing this, please stop- it's uncalled for and completely unhelpful. cliche as it is, i encourage people to not spread hate, it isn't doing any good. it could also be people who are against me trying to smear my name, in which case asking people to stop probably isn't going to do any good. i apologize to anyone who has apparently been targeted by this- but it has nothing to do with me.
i can't not make a post about this and talk about "internalized transphobia". the truth is i could argue about this in circles day in and day out, and there is no universe where i am going to make everyone happy by saying this- but me discussing how i feel unhappy and uncomfortable in my body is not internalized transphobia. it is dysphoria. i have severe dysphoria. i don't know how else to argue the fact that a cornerstone piece of my transgender experience is, unfortunately, a very negative one. i am not going to apologize for discussing this on my personal blog. my wording was very disgusting, and my intent was not clear, and i apologize for both of those things- but i will not apologize for discussing how i, as a transgender person, feel. i don't discuss the vulgar details of what goes on in my self-esteem very much, but in the future, i'll at least try to tag and make it more obvious of what i'm talking about. but again, if there is a problem here, it is not internalized transphobia, it is spewing transphobic rhetoric seemingly at everyone. i'm apologizing for that, but i'm not apologizing for my feelings about myself.
also, even if by some definition you count what i said as "internalized transphobia" and not dysphoria- i'm allowed to talk about myself how i want to. the problem lies in talking about other people the same way.
on a completely different note, my post (which was in reference to fanfiction) literally said in the post that i think it's great when people make trans headcanons about characters, as i think it's a great way to cope for some people. (for me, i wish i was cis, so i hate associating with that idea of my identity being defined as transgender.) i'm mentioning this for clarity, because a lot of people in my inbox seem to think i said the opposite apparently.
i'm not apologizing for venting on my blog. i will apologize for being very unclear in how i referred to the post and for not tagging it, but no, i'm not apologizing for discussing my feelings publicly. i'm allowed to talk about myself on my blog with the catch that i should be more considerate of how my mass amount of followers will feel about the things i post. i usually tend to do that, but sometimes when i vent, i get too self-absorbed in my problems and neglect this, which is on me.
i guess i should just add this here since i got about 50 asks alone saying this, but i have a therapist, thank you. i am seeing a therapist, and for the past several months, we have actually been specifically working on ego and self-esteem. i made that post because i was having a bad ego day and wanted to vent. just so you all know i guess since i'm already sharing my feelings
and this next part: i honestly wasn't going to bring this up. many, many supporters have mentioned this to me, and i wasn't going to say anything, but honestly it has really been irritating me more and more as time goes on. as much as i was in the wrong for what i said in that post and how i made it- there is something that doesn't sit completely right with me about a cis person cancelling a trans person for being transphobic. i am not going to sit here and say that they were wrong- because my words were transphobic- and i am not even going to argue that a cis person shouldn't call out transphobia- cis allies are important to us. but there is something about a cis person seeing a transgender person comment on their dysphoria in a way that seems derogatory towards other trans people, and instead of reaching out about it in any capacity or using any sort of reasoning about it, resorting to calling them transphobic. the fact that a callout post was made in and of itself is honestly baffling to me, but especially in this scenario i am honestly stunned and a bit sick over it. i made the post to see if any other trans people related towards my dysphoric experiences as a trans person and in response got a cis person cancelling me for discussing them. i'm not going to say that this person was in the wrong, but i just can't make this post without at least bringing this up.
i'm going to just wrap it up here because i feel like i've hit on all the major points i wanted to say. i apologize again to everyone who was hurt. but in addition- many, many people have reached out to me to show me their support during this time, and i just want to say thank you to all of you, whether you were a mutual, follower, nonfollower, or anon. most of the people who have reached out to me have agreed that my post was wrong, and i want to express my appreciation for people doing that. my initial reaction to this was defensive and short-sighted, as i really didn't recognize this for the issue that it was. if you were hurt by that post, i apologize, and know that those hurtful words were poorly chosen and not intended to hurt anyone. have a good night.
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bjy-on-ao3 · 3 years
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Fic Friday: Respite
(As usual, you can find the AO3 version of all my uploads [and some things I don’t post here to tumblr] via my Masterlist blog page.)
Been playing a lot of FFXIV lately, so of course all the handsome men from it are taking up space in my head. I’ve written for a couple before in short form for Kinktober, but this is my first official one-shot for anything FFXIV. Took a good deal of cutscene study to pick up proper word usage/speech patterns, but I also got to listen to Aymeric, so that’s a plus.
Summary The Warrior of Light looks forward to some relaxation of sorts with their favorite denizen of Ishgard upon returning from an adventure.
Tags/Warnings Consensual Sex, Creampie, Established Relationship, Reader-Insert, Shameless Smut, Teasing, Vaginal Sex
Respite (F! WoL Reader/Aymeric de Borel)
Upon returning from yet another duty - the list of tasks both mundane and daunting assigned to you seemed insurmountable sometimes  - you were looking forward to the hospitality oft afforded you in Ishgard. Hospitality likely borne from all the aid you had lent them and your standings with many prominent figures of Ishgardian society, but hospitality nonetheless. Of course, there was a particular hospitality you were most greatly anticipating, and it was that which you would tend to first.
You began by asking some of the stationed soldiers if the Lord Aymeric was in. Several of them had no clue, leaving you increasingly frustrated. Eventually though, you came across a man who could confirm that, yes, the Lord Commander had recently returned from some business and instructed you where you might find him.
So off you set, with a renewed spring in your step and a trembling anticipation that was a struggle to contain. It was obvious even to simple passersby how much more your mood had changed compared to when you had initially returned to the city, particularly brighter than after questioning the previous soldiers. Excitement overflowing or not, you tried to contain yourself, managing to not break out into a sprint through the stone cobbled streets and alarm the city folk.
At last, you pushed open the last doors you expected to separate you and your reunion with the Lord Commander. The sight of the man in all his armored elegance greeted you immediately, and you tried to the stifle a grin. For a split second, Aymeric de Borel remained unaware of your presence, engaged in conversation with an Ishgardian official you didn't recognize off the top of your head.
The sound of the doors and your boots on the ground though drew the attention of both elezen swiftly, however, and they glanced towards the interruption. You noticed a nearly imperceptible flicker in Aymeric's stunningly blue eyes as he saw who had arrived. But he was practiced in self-restraint, too, and the shift in his eyes had been all that spoke of his truest emotions. The smile that curled his lips, while pleasant, held the warmth acceptable of the standard pleasantries expected of him.
"Have I come at a bad time? I can return later, if must needs be," you said tentatively.
You knew Aymeric would be loath to turn you away - he hadn't seen you in several weeks thanks to various business that preoccupied either of you. Though you knew he took his responsibilities seriously, and you also didn't want to interrupt anything important.
Aymeric shook his head gently. "We were nearly done. You needn't go," Aymeric informed you, turning back to the other man. "Pray, keep me informed. I look forward to word of progress in the near future," he said with a respectful bow of his head.
With an agreeing nod and a few more words you didn’t bother to try to catch, the other man turned to take his leave. You moved aside courteously so as not to bar his way, and the pair of you exchanged cursory passing pleasantries. Then he was gone, leaving only you and Aymeric in the chamber.
Once Aymeric was certain you were alone, the initial spark of excitement you had spied in his eyes grew many fold, the blue tumultuous as stormy seas in his mirth. You hadn't doubted for a single ilm Aymeric would be happy to see you, but seeing the warmth and sparkle in his eyes was always reassuring. "I've news for you of my latest task," you started, tone level and business-like. A flash of disappointment darted across Aymeric's face at the prospect you had dropped by merely for the sake of business alone, as often the case unfortunately was.
"Though I find myself rather...tired from the trip. Would my Lord allow me a brief respite before my report?" you inquired, tone growing more coy. It was a bald-faced lie that you were tired, laced with an underlying subtle hint. A hint you doubted would go over Aymeric's head.
"Ah, of course. Come, come, allow me to escort you somewhere you might lie down for a time," he responded with a gentle sweep of one hand, moving closer to you. He lay a hand over your shoulder, as if to guide you in the right direction.
In the public eye, Aymeric might not even have laid that same light hand on you, appearances mattering as they did. You had shared many a more-than-pleasant private moment, yet still it seemed imperative that what you shared remained hidden from the rest of the world. And as much as a part of you would have loved to declare your affections for Aymeric to the very streets of Ishgard and all who might listen, you didn't mind keeping things quiet.
You fell in step with Aymeric, or as much as you could with his long strides, the featherlight touch on your shoulder settling just a bit heavier, slender fingers splaying more relaxed over you. As you went, you made a quip here or there, telling snippets of a story from one of your more fun adventures, knowing how well Aymeric enjoyed them. True be told, you did actually have business that required reporting at some point, but it wasn't urgent, so it could wait.
Several minutes whiled away as you spoke, taking in the subtle smile on Aymeric's lips that made your own grow with each moment and getting lost in the man before you, as you were wont to do in his presence. You came to another set of solid wooden doors and paused. Aymeric, gentleman as he was, quickly pushed them open before you, with a slight 'after you' motion. You took the invitation, walking into the room, certain to put a sway in your step, knowing he would watch all the way.
Following, Aymeric sealed the doors behind you, turning locks into place and double-checking they were secure. Too many close calls and interruptions had made the both of you wary of ensuring doors were actually locked. If an emergency occurred, they could very well tell either of you through the door - without catching you in a compromising position.
Satisfied the locks were secured tight, he turned to you, and the sparkling cheer in his vivid blue eyes darkened, pleasant still, but intense and a more raw. You made no move towards Aymeric, acting as if the act of fussing with various straps and buckles of your gear was far more interesting. Or mostly, at least. Aymeric seemed entertained enough watching you make slow progress, though wasn’t content only to watch for long.
"Might I lend a hand?" he asked, making his way toward you again. You huffed exaggeratedly and feigned ignoring the Lord Commander further. "Though perhaps you would rather struggle and do away with what little time we possess," he ribbed in a playful voice.
Arriving by your side, he didn't wait for your permission before he set to work assisting you, holding bits of leather or cloth or metal in place to make removing them easier or making quick work of various buckles and ties. With Aymeric's help it wasn't long before you were standing in the room - which you observed was a warmly decorated room appearing to be one of the more affluent guest rooms - hidden scarcely by your small clothes.
Aymeric didn't follow suit at first, instead reaching out toward you, while you, too, pressed yourself in closer, now free of your restrictive adventuring gear. Large hands spread across your back and over your rear, pulling you flush. The touch of his ornate armor plates here and there was cold, as if they had trapped the frigid air from outside, and you couldn't help but shudder. You quickly brushed off the sensation, in favor of leaning into Aymeric's embrace until your face hovered next to his.
There was a moment that internally went on forever until your lips met, in a way far more eager and passionate than before. It had been some time since you met the Lord Commander for a private moment, and all the pent-up desire came pouring out as soon as his fingers brushed over your skin and small clothes. Aymeric, too, seemed eager, but showed more restraint all the same. Sometimes his restraint was admirable, and you were jealous, though other times you wished, nay, longed for him to throw his restraint to the winds.
As you kissed, beginning mostly closed but fervent and a bit messy, Aymeric's hands stroked in light lines and circles over the skin and cloth they rested on, making you squirm impatiently. You grabbed handfuls of the cloth of his armor and tugged lightly, as if to convey your frustration at how he was still dressed head-to-toe.
A smile twisted your kiss, and he took the lead to deepen it, distracting your grasping hands. He relished your impatience and enthusiasm, even if he more oft than not didn't give into it immediately, even when your time together was fleeting. But it was always worth it in the end.
In an ardent rush of motion, you were suddenly beside the bed, with Aymeric urging you down to the sheets. He followed you down, though didn't immediately join you on the bed. You whined plaintively when he separated from the kiss and took a step back from the bedside, taking his warm touch with him. Your noise of complaint was silenced effectively though as he worked through discarding his own armor.
After a process that took far too long in your eyes and asked too much of your patience - or lack thereof - Aymeric had stripped away the pauldrons and plates and cloth, carefully setting it all aside. Left only in his own small clothes, through which you could easily see his arousal strain, he at last joined you on the sheets. You moved up and back until you lay more securely on the sheets. Meeting you at the head of the bed, Aymeric pressed himself over top of you, his lips crashing back to yours.
In that moment Aymeric's admirable restraint frayed somewhat, as if he had shucked it off along with his armor. His lips pushed against yours more fervidly, his tongue trailing your lips and slipping between them when given the chance. You groaned, more than pleased to meet him in a twisting, passionate dance. Strong hands clasped you by the wrists when you moved to wrap your arms around him and you whined again.
When Aymeric broke the kiss again, it was to tip his head up and laugh gently, a warm, soft sound that made you shiver and rub your thighs together. "My, what troubles you, my love?" he asked, pretending an innocence that was ruined by the low, sultry timbre of his voice.
Half-lidded eyes stared down at you with a burning, affectionate intensity you had seen before. Even before you had come together, you had caught glimpses of it in Aymeric's eyes, mistaking it at first for only the admiration between friends and warriors-at-arms. But you could see it now for what it truly was. Between it and the desire making Aymeric's eyes dark and stormy, your breath nearly caught in your throat. But you shook off the awed stupor, focus returning to Aymeric's question.
Your lips curled into a pout before you spoke. "However can I touch you like this?" you complained, pushing against his unyielding grasp as if to emphasize your words.
Another amused, rich laugh met your question. "Ah, but you well know how your touch affects me," Aymeric rumbled. He dipped down until his lips ghosted the shell of your ear. "Pray, grant me some dignity, won't you, my dearest?"
You shivered again, snaring your lower lip between your teeth and biting down as if it might quiet the heat and pulse growing in your underwear. You freed it quickly when the hot touch of his tongue curled over your ear, followed by a coy nip on the lobe that made you gasp.
"Aa-alright, fine," you groaned out, bowing up unbidden into his body still pressed snugly to yours.
Your fingers flexed greedily, itching to break free and and draw your nails along his shoulders and back, or tug his lips back to yours to entangle you both in another mind-numbing kiss. But you yielded, making no attempt to escape his hold, and his grip shifted. Gathering both of your wrists in one large hand, the other was left to trail down your skin. A light touch dancing down your jaw, your neck, your collarbone, before pausing at the top of your small clothes.
Pulling the fabric down to free your chest, he set to massaging each breast in slow, almost lazy motions, lingering to brush a teasing thumb over steadily standing nipples. You groaned his name softly, closing your eyes and basking in the sensation, letting your head fall back against the pillows and arching up into him once more. You whimpered when he pushed back, letting you feel each hot, hard inch of his body, the most intimidate parts of you hid away by scant scraps of thin fabric.
Your eyes had fluttered shut without meaning to, so keen you were on relishing the feeling. When they fluttered back open and you met his gaze, another roiling wave of desire hit you square in the gut. There was something more intent, sharp, primal, smoldering in the desire-deepened irises and wide blown pupils as he watched you lose yourself in the pleasure he provided. You swallowed hard, stifling another pleasured coo, and a mischief of sorts flashed through the swirl of emotions in Aymeric's expression.
His hand on your chest slowed until it was toying with each nipple frustratingly lightly, alternating between the two. You squirmed and whined, craving the more thorough touch from before. Aymeric's new touch was pleasant, but the bare brushes and strokes made you feel  strangely over sensitive. You struggled reflexively against his grip again, not really trying to break free, whining his name in that same plaintive tone from before.
"Aymeric, was it not you who stated how short our time together is?" you tried to reason, knowing it was a wasted effort.
"Mm, it was, and I am enjoying such precious time to the utmost," he assured you. "Do you not share that sentiment, my dearest?" Aymeric added, as if daring you to speak otherwise.
Your face, already hot, flushed furiously further, equal parts flustered and frustrated from the game Aymeric was playing. He didn't enjoy teasing you quite so much, no, not so much as he enjoyed hearing how much you needed him in plain words. So he persuaded you to beg or demand of him what you wanted.
"Aymeric..." your tone was mock warning, serious but breathy, trying to deflect him half-heartedly, and hoping he would give you what he knew you wanted, but he wouldn't be so easily dissuaded.
He bent forward, continuing to teasingly massage your breasts, mouthing at the soft flesh of your throat and shoulders. "Tell me then what more you would ask of me?" he urged you. His teeth scraped against the column of your throat, and you groaned again.
By then, you were a ruin, skin abuzz with heat and desire and his fleeting touch. Your underwear felt damp and sticky, your arousal soaking it through, leaving an obvious wet spot on the cloth. Each little push sent you tumbling further and further, grinding down your resolve until you gave in at last.
"Pray, cease toying with me," you began to beg. "Fill me; I need to feel you inside of me, now. Nothing else will do," you finished, almost surprised at how thick the desire had made your voice. You tried to turn your head to reach Aymeric, to convince him more with what few kisses you could leave across his cheek and jaw despite being held down otherwise.You wriggled and ground your core against his needily, as if to prove your point. "Please, please."
"Who am to I deny you when you ask in a voice so divine?" Aymeric answered in a husky hush.
He released your wrists, though shot you a pinning stare that made you think twice about moving from your prostrate position. You settled for watching him sit up and move down your body, hooking his fingers beneath your underwear and dragging them down. You assisted as much as you could, and he discarded them to the side of the bed. Before removing his own underwear, he paused, dark eyes focusing on your newly revealed cunt, dripping and slick and inviting.
He drew one long finger up and down your slit until the digit was coated in your fluids. He withdrew it, raising it to his lips and somehow making a show of licking it clean seem refined. A deep, pleased hum rolled through him, and Aymeric turned to rid himself of the last article of clothing keeping him from you.
Just as your sopping cunt had drawn Aymeric's gaze, the sight of his erection, thick and hot and hard, crowned by a fat pearl of pre-cum. drew your attention. You licked your lips in anticipation, resisting with all you had to remain still and not sit up and reach for his cock. You wore that eagerness on your face readily, though, and another pleased laugh slipped from Aymeric's lips.
He shifted forward, covering your body with his again, though this time when his hips ground against yours, his erection slipped lewdly through your lips and you moaned; Half in the pleasure of feeling him so very close to the hottest part of you, half in anticipation, nearly shaking with it. But even though Aymeric had agreed to grant to your desires, his pace was leisurely, as if he had all the time in the world, rather than hardly a bell to spare. One hand reached up again to bind your wrists, despite how obedient you had thus far been.
Aymeric's other hand strayed to your face, cupping your jaw between his fingers. He tilted your head until it lay at the perfect angle for him to seal your lips together again and drink deep of the passion between you. Your eyes fluttered closed again as his tongue swept coyly across your lips, persuading you to let him in.You were all too glad to let him though, and as he slid his tongue into your mouth to explore and dance once more, he eased his hips forward, too, until his cock breached your folds and pressed into your awaiting entrance.
You would have moaned his name in gratitude for at last fulfilling your desires, in appreciation for the delicious way his cock sank deeper inside, but with your mouth preoccupied, you settled for a wordless groan smothered by his lips and tongue. Though the sensation of him stretching your walls was what you had craved, a sweetly maddening fullness that you would think about again when your duties took you far from Ishgard, it stung as well. Aymeric was no small man, and his thick cock filling you ached in a way that somehow melded exquisitely with the pleasure.
His tongue swept up yours, beginning to writhe and twist as he rocked his hips steadily against you, eliciting yet more muffled moans. You bucked up into his thrusts, longing for him to fill you up all over again each time his cock retreated, leaving so much of you feeling empty. The heat in your body had reached a fever pitch, breaking out on your skin in a slick sheen of sweat, and Aymeric, despite all his slow, precise actions, fared little better. His skin pressing into yours was just as slippery and hot, adding to the obscene sound of your bodies meeting.
The steady rhythm of Aymeric's thrusts, though increasing in force as time wore on and whatever willpower he had left dissolved, unwound you slowly, but surely. Your fingers and toes curled and flexed, and your chest rose and fell more quickly, breaths shallow. Around his cock your walls squeezed just as eagerly and as desperately. A familiar coil of pressure and heat in your belly was hard to ignore, blocking out all coherent thought, leaving you to worry only about chasing the high that was so close within your reach.
Throughput your coupling, Aymeric had spent much time matching the thrust and twirl of his tongue to his rocking hips, as if in imitation. The kiss had grown sloppy, wet, and hot, and when he tore his lips from yours eventually, his breath came in hot pants along with yours. He placed several more needy, desperate kisses on your jaw and your neck, the ragged sound of his breath informing you he was nearly as close to losing himself as you. Though he seemed determined not to do so before dragging you there first.
"Come now, my dearest, I want to feel you come to completion," he breathed huskily into your ear, finally releasing your jaw as one long arm trailed down between your bodies.
You whimpered and moaned aloud, barely having the sense to bite down on your lip and stifle the bawdy noise, lest someone in the corridors outside hear. "Oh, Aymeric, I-I..." you trailed off, mouth hanging open and forming a wordless 'oh' as all the pressure and heat came to a head when his fingers stroked through your folds and massaged your clit.
All you could do then was repeat his name, over and over, a ragged, breathy pray under your breath, as if you might completely drift away from the mounting bliss if you didn’t speak it. The build up reached its limit, and the coil snapped, and Aymeric's lips descended on yours again to quiet you as you cried out in earnest, unable to stop yourself. The rush that flowed through your body was liquid heat, searing and tingling. Your digits curled so tightly they ached, and your cunt fluttered frantically around Aymeric's cock. The pull of your body and the instinctive roll of your hips against him were Aymeric's siren song, luring him to the point of no return.
His moans, low and feral, rolled through him and died on your tongue in a reflection of your own. He drove himself harder forward, as if he might sink even deeper, fingers still dancing over your clit and dragging out your orgasm. After several desperate thrusts that filled the room with the obscene smack of sweat-slicked flesh colliding, Aymeric met his peak and tumbled over, each new pump into your heat filling you with ropes of cum. He pumped himself into your core through your orgasm and his, his grasp on your wrists tightening enough to make you gasp and wince through your pleasure.
His pace died away smoothly, each thrust weakening after he spent himself within you, until he lay still atop you, a heaving, sweaty mess. He lay his head in the crook of your throat, damp strands of ebony hair clinging to his forehead and tickling your skin. The startlingly cool touch of the earring he wore brushed your overheated skin, and you weren't sure if the sensation was pleasant or not. Even spent, his cock took a time to soften, occasionally twitching inside of you and making you start each time.
He withdrew gingerly, and a stray trickle of cum seeped down your thigh. Rolling over off you and onto his back, Aymeric pulled you along with him, urging you to settle yourself against him. Drained and sated, you rest your head in the same hollow of his throat as he had done to you moments before, placing tired, half-hearted kisses there. Splaying your arms across his chest, you were tempted to close your eyes and slip into a peaceful sleep. Someday there would be time to relax and laze for bells on ends, but wasn't one of those times and your fun had nearly reached its end.
Beside you, Aymeric seemed to be fighting off the same need, though was coming to the same conclusions as you, too. There was much to be done, and it didn’t matter how badly he wanted to remain in bed beside you. But he would ignore those duties for just a little longer. He sighed softly, curling an arm around you and pulling you a little tighter to him.
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The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 16: Sit Rep
Characters: Captain Logan “Sy” Syverson, various other original supporting/secondary characters (This includes Sy’s Army Buddies of varying rank as follows: Kevin Kaufmann, Nate Banning, Chad Randall, Matt Styles, Jake Ryburn, and Travis Hodges. I apologize if I’ve mixed up their names anywhere. I just gave them last names and sometimes rank so they could be called something other than their first names for sake of variety! lol!)
Summary: Sy meets up with his Army buddies and they are eager to help.
Romance and Smut Abound HERE!
Word Count: 4.5k
Warnings: Language, firearms, implication of abuse and violence
Author’s Note: Guys, we are getting closer! Our couple will be back together soon! I can’t wait and I know most of you feel the same! I hope the strike team members aren’t too muddled and confusing. If they are, I’m very open to your feedback and suggestions on how to clarify and improve! Thank you to everyone, long time readers, and new fans picked up along the way! I cherish you all, and would never have gotten this far in the story if it wasn’t for each and every one of you! I hope you enjoy the 16th chapter (18th installment…remember when I thought this would just be a few chapters of fluff with a smutty conclusion? Lol!) of The treatment of Captain Syverson.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism. This is an original work by me, Hannah. Please reblog if you wish to share. Please do not repost either in whole or part, as the work of anyone but myself. Thanks so much for reading!
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Sy sat in his truck in the parking lot of Cade's. He couldn't help but think about the last time he was here. The altercations with Elliott, both inside the bar and outside, the friendships he'd started to build with the other fellas in Shane's work group, the simple way Shane pulled off the elegance of minimalism with her wardrobe and makeup, the ride home…and the night of lovemaking that followed. He had made a mistake. He shouldn't have agreed to come tonight. He was gonna leave. His right hand reached for the keys in the ignition, a firm grip ready to set the engine roaring again, when he was startled by a rap at his window.
Tap-tappa-tap-tap his friend Kevin had just rhythmically knocked with one knuckle on the window. He was smiling and waving exuberantly, like a puppy whose master had just come home.
Sy's scowl softened into a sheepish grin and he knocked back tap-tap.  
Kevin waited near Sy's front fender while he got out of his truck.
"How ya doin' Kevin?" he greeted his old friend warmly.
"Alright, I s'pose! You?"
"Oh…I'm makin' it, I guess. What are you up to these days? Still workin' at the plant?" Kevin had worked for the 3M factory over in Lebanon, Missouri since his last tour. Sy knew if he just got him talking about his life, Sy wouldn't have to give him details about his own, which he was going to avoid like the plague, if he could tonight.
"Yup, I actually just got a promotion. I'm a line manager now." And Sy could barely congratulate him before he started delving into the details as the two men walked into Cade's.
It was already busy, even for a Friday night. But the rest of the guys had already claimed a table between the dart boards and the pool tables, and were working on a couple of pitchers of beer. The two were welcomed warmly and only slightly teased about walking in together.
With the group finally assembled, they began taking turns giving report on their lives. It began with Kevin, who, having already begun with Sy, continued with a brief recap for the others. Sy exhaled with relief when Matt, who was seated on the other side of Kevin piped up to speak next, having recently proposed to his long time girlfriend. They were going to get to him last, if at all. He listened as well as he could as he battled the troubled thoughts in his head by bombarding them with beer. Unbeknownst to him, his friend Nate, who'd organized the gathering, had been observing his behavior with curiosity, and a measure of concern. He didn't let Jake finish talking about his latest dalliance into what they were all sure was a pyramid scheme disguised as direct sales. Even though Jake insisted it was not.
"Well, I'm curious as to why Sy's been so tight-lipped all evening. What's on your mind, Captain?"
"Nothin' Nate. Just enjoying a few beers with old friends." Sy lied, not convincing anyone at the table, least of all Nate, who had been one of his closest friends while they were stationed together.
"If I wanted to hear bullshit, I'd have let Jake keep talking about the Duraplex scam."
"It's not a scam, guys, it's real supplements for busy people!" Jake defended.
"Can it, Hodges. We aren't buying it, and we aren't signing up to sell it, either." Nate focused again on Sy. "Come on, man. You told me on the phone you had a lot going on. What is it? Female troubles?" He snickered, as did the other guys.
Sy looked into his glass, through the foam and into the honey liquid below it with a rueful grin. "In a sense."
He took a huge drink of the beer, five gulps, nearly emptying it, fortifying himself to speak.
"My girlfriend is missing." Everyone froze in position as they processed this.
Half a dozen questions hit his ears at once. Which he could have handled if he hadn't had almost a full pitcher by himself.
He shut them down, and began to tell them the story of how he met Shane and their sort of whirlwind romance. He paused for a moment to pour himself another beer.
"Never heard you talk about a woman like that, Sy." His friend Chad piped up.
"Never felt this way before, man. She's…she's the one."
"You said she was missing, though?" Nate asked, brow furrowed in concern.
Sy continued, talking about their argument, reconciliation, and then his leaving for training, ending his briefing with the phone call he got from Shane's boss.
"That's fucked up, man." Matt said. "What are you gonna do about it?" His worry seemed genuine, as well, as if he was putting himself in Sy's shoes. Sy assumed because he had been in love with Tonya, his now fiancé since they were in high school, even though she didn't come around on him until he came home on leave one holiday weekend.
"I've already gone to the police with my statement and an idea for a prime suspect."
"You think she was kidnapped?" Brad Randall, who was a Sergeant for the Rolla Police Department, inquired.
"I personally have no doubts that she was kidnapped, and I am a hun'ert percent certain it was her shithead ex."
"And you don't think she's just…ghosted you?" Brad prompted. The thought put a painful tightness in Sy's chest, but it passed quickly. He knew she wouldn't do that. And not just to him.
"No way, man. She left her phone. She didn't tell work. She didn't even tell her parents. Shane takes her phone with her from room to room. She's glued to it. She'd never do that to her coworkers, who are practically family, and she'd certainly tell her parents if she was going to leave town for any amount of time. It's just…not her. I know her."
"And who's this ex? What's his deal? Why is he on the short list of suspects?"
"He IS the list, Brad. He was abusive when they were together. And a cheater. And a liar. And he tried to jump me right outside just a few weeks back. Ask Candace. She was behind the bar when he started getting in Shane's face up there. And I'd bet she saw what happened out in the parking lot, too." He gestured to the sporty blonde bartender with a high ponytail and a Cardinal's jersey when he mentioned her, and then pointed toward the windows looking out onto the dozen or more vehicles parked outside.
"Can we do anything?" Kevin asked, clamping a hand on Sy's shoulder.
"Nothin'. But I appreciate the offer, brother." And he returned the contact with a clap to the other man's shoulder.
Nate and Brad exchanged pointed looks, and Nate countered Sy's rejection.
"I wouldn't say THAT, Sy."
"What do you mean?" Sy looked at Nate as if he was pedaling snake oil…or Jake's supplements.
"I think…that we CAN do something. To help you find Shane."
"We all have military experience, and some of us have connections that could be very useful." Added Brad. "I'm on the Force. I can handle getting intel on the guy."
"I'm in to help with transpo." Matt Styles raised his hand to offer up the vehicles in his transportation service, Rydes with Styles. Sy hated when words were misspelled for the sake of gimmicks…but he had to give Matt credit for that one.
"And Travis and I still work at the base. We can arrange gear." Jake added as Travis nodded.
"And whatever else you need, I'm in too." Kevin concluded.
"No way, guys. You can't stick your necks out for me like that. I won't have it."
"Sy…You know I talked to Lopez after that last mission the two of you were on?" Travis met Sy's eye as he spoke. "He said you had your team carry out Kominski's body. And that you took on most of, and then all of his bodyweight, just so Freeman could cover everyone. Said you were hurt, yourself, but helped him, carried him, to your extraction point. Up several flights of stairs."
Sy had no response other than a blank stare. It seemed to say all it needed to, because Travis continued.
"Lopez is alive and the Kominski girls got to say a proper goodbye to David. Plus, that mission WAS a success because you got the target. I know it's still classified, but…I think we all know the significance of what you did by leading that mission. You didn't leave a man, living or dead, behind."
"And we aren't gonna let your girl get left behind, either. We're gonna take that sonofabitch out. Because what do we do?" Nate declared, ending with the call Sy had always used at the end of his mission briefs.
The whole table, including a reluctant Sy, recited “We embrace the darkness and the suffering.”
“And why do we do it?” Nate continued.
“So that our fellow man is free to live in peace." Sy looked around the table at all of these men he had served with, fought with, watched comrades fall with, and fought against tyranny with. He thought most of them could have come up with their own story about his role in their military time, but the mission Travis was talking about outlined what he figured was the most significant sacrifice he had ever made for a teammate.
"Well…I guess we need to come up with a plan, then." Sy smiled and finished off the beer in his glass before laying it out for the others.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sy had given them all missions tailored to their own strengths and connections. Brad would gather all the info he could on Elliott. Matt would reserve vehicles. Jake and Travis would procure tactical gear for the team, and Nate…Nate would provide weapons. Pistols and blades. Ammo. Holsters. Even flash grenades and smoke bombs.
Cade's was too public to talk about their plans, so Sy told everyone to rendezvous at his house the very next afternoon. They sat around the patio table on his back deck while they waited for everyone to arrive. Jake was late.
"Well, I guess 'direct sales' waits for no man, and we can't wait for Ryburn anymore. Styles, report?" Sy commenced the meeting.
"I have three Suburbans that are only a couple years old. They're black, discreet, and all glass is tinted within an inch of it's life. Even the license plate covers. I'll make sure they're fueled and ready." Matt stated.
"Aces. Richardson?" Travis spoke up next.
"Yeah, Jake had to go in for a late shift last night after we met, but I talked to him. He's gonna get vests for everyone, eyewear, comms, the whole works. All rated for Black Ops. He told me a bit ago he was following up on a lead and was hoping it would pan out. Said he had a hunch." Travis shrugged, not certain what his friend was up to, but not that concerned.
"Sounds good. Randall?"
"I made up some dossiers for everyone that includes everything I could find on Thomas. He doesn't have a ton of priors. Mostly drunk and disorderly's that were thrown out, because he got the right representation and the wrong judge. He must have someone backing him, because I have no job on file for him. No employer has run a background on him in ten years. Last known address is from six years ago, when he filed a change of address from an apartment in the Cottage Hills complex to…407 Oak Street."
"That's Shane's address." Sy interjected. "He must not have changed it since she kicked him out."
"It seems so. But it's so weird. I don't see any credit cards, online orders, not even a Netflix account on the guy. He's totally fallen off the grid since Shane. I did get into some social media accounts, but he hasn't posted to anything in the last 18 months."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he was posting hot and heavy about this girl, Kara Hutch. 37. Lives over in Waynesville. But his last Facebook status just says, 'What a waste.' and 'feeling betrayed' and that was in February of last year."
"Hmm, do you think--" Sy was interrupted by the unexpectedly loud and abrupt sound of his front door flying open and Aika, with them on the deck, barking like they were about to be murdered. She was ready to kill whatever came through next. The men, all of them battle hardened veterans sporting conceal and carry permits, were out of their seats and in defensive stances in a fraction of a second. Aiming at an unseen enemy. A figure approached in the shadow of Sy's kitchen, arms raised and slowing as it saw several barrels aimed for its head and chest.
"Woah, woah, woah, guys it's me! It's Jake! Stand down!"
"Are you FUCKING INSANE, Corporal!?" Sy asked, reverting to Captain mode. "You just snuck up on and burst in on a group of soldiers. Do you comprehend how close you came to looking more like Swiss Cheese than a man, Ryburn?!" Sy scolded, fire in him rising, but more out of an angry concern for the friend they nearly shot.
"Sorry, sir, err, Sy. I was focused on getting here for my report." Jake said, out of breath.
"Travis already told us about the gear, Ryburn. You didn't need to bust in like that." Nate berated.
"Oh, guys. What I've got is way better than night vision devices. I might have an address for our guy."
"How in seven hells did YOU get an address?" Brad exclaimed, pride wounded as intel was his task.
"I know, dude, that was on you, but…I overheard a conversation when I was doing some work on equipment in the Air Traffic Control tower."
"What could you have possibly overheard in ATC?" Sy was incredulous.
"Do you want me to tell you, or would you like to keep screaming at me?"
Sy called Aika off and let Jake onto the deck, but the German Shepherd was still eyeing the corporal with marked skepticism.
"So I kept hearing this controller talking to the other girl at her station. She kept talking about her boyfriend…whose name was Elliott." Eyebrows went up all around the table. "Yeah, and he fit the description in every way. Physical appearance, textbook narcissism, the works. I went to the personnel office when I got done with the service call and told the attendant that the girl had helped me with my gear and I wanted to send her an email to thank her. She gave me a contact sheet on Sasha King. I looked her up on my lunchbreak, and found some photos of her with a guy I think might be Elliott." Jake showed Sy an image he'd saved to his phone. "Is this him?"
"Yup, that's the guy." Sy's blood was boiling again at the smiles on the couple's faces. He didn't deserve happiness. He didn't deserve a pretty girlfriend. He should die alone, starving for the love he deprived others. "You say you got an address?"
"Yeah, the gal in personnel printed me a full demo sheet. The only thing we don't have is a social." Sy noted the redacted 9-digit code in one corner of the document Jake had handed him. He read out loud. 3502 Highway D. St. Robert, MO.
"You boys feel up to a little recon tonight?" They all nodded, excitedly, patting Jake on the back, and high fiving him in congratulations on the invaluable find. Even Brad commended him on his detective skills and told him he'd have a job on the Force with him if he ever wanted a change. The corporal almost blushed.
The men went back into the house and through the front door to the driveway where they were all parked.
"Jake, you brought all the gear, too?"
"Sure did, Sy. There's vests, belts, NVDs and helmets to mount. There's plenty for everyone." Jake opened the back of his Jeep as if it were a buffet of delicious tactical equipment. Sy found among the gear a large case and opened it out of curiosity. A sound amplifier with headphones. That was going with him, as it appeared there was only one.
"I'll outfit everyone with guns and ammo later. But here are some tac knives, and three of each diversionary devices for each member of the team." Nate passed out packs with the blades, smoke grenades, and flash bombs.
"Okay, rendezvous at Matt's shop at 1800. We'll go over some procedures for the evening and get set up with the rest of our weaponry then. Okay?" General nods of ascent and "mmhmms" in confirmation of the plan came from the men. Sy continued, "Maybe get some rest between now and then. I don't know how long this is going to take."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sy got to Matt's a little early. 1730. Nate showed up about ten minutes later and pulled in next to Sy, leaving the rear doors accessible to arm the team. The men got out of their vehicles and began double checking Nate's inventory.
"Nervous?" Nate said after exchanging the usual pleasantries.
"I didn't think I was. But just now, I got to thinking about what that…monster is doing to the love of my life. What he's putting her through, if he's even let her live. What are we going to come across when we get to this place?"
"You can't think like that. She's not Schrödinger's cat. You have to be positive here. This mission depends on your strength as a leader. You're gonna do great. And Shane is gonna be fine. We all will. Have a little faith, man." Nate patted Sy on the back in encouragement. Sy appreciated it. But he thought he might have to compartmentalize, instead. Think of this as just another mission. Forget that Shane was involved. Even if it wasn't healthy, it might at least be helpful.
Matt arrived soon after and waved at the two men as he pulled in on the other side of Nate. He got out and greeted his friends, all of them shooting the breeze and enfolding the others into the conversation as they got there. Kevin was the last to arrive, just before 1800, when the briefing commenced.
"So," Sy began, more timidly than was his usual way. "First, guys, I wanna say, I appreciate y'all so much for doing this. For putting in the time and the resources to help me and Shane. I owe y'all more than I can repay, but that doesn't mean I won't try. Within reason." He grinned and his friends chuckled.
"Now, we've got the comms set up. We'll be in each other's ears, so we can report in real time. I've looked up an aerial view of the farm on Google Earth, and there should be good cover for surveillance with the sound equipment and NVDs. I'll take point, Nate, you and Matt are with me. Kevin, you and Brad will flank the property on the left, Travis and Jake are going right. I'm hoping this will just be recon, but if I get wind of something I don't like, I may call for the strike. You guys will report anything you think looks fishy, and I will make that call with the intel I'm given. Now. When and if I make that call, we're gonna aim for disorientation and soft incapacitation. If you don't have to kill, don't. I don't know how much help this bastard has, but I know it would have taken several to take down Shane. It's not that I think any of them deserve to be spared, but…I don't want us to break up any families. We don't need the weight on our already heavy souls." War had changed them all, and Sy didn't want to make any more widows. "We good?"
Nods of approval from the men made Sy think he was looking at a military bobble head collection. He stifled a smile.
"Alright, lets get armed and ready, then Matt can take us to our chariots."
They were all mostly suited up, black or dark colors were the general uniform. They were ready for whatever might happen. As Nate handed out guns and ammo, the men examined their clips, loaded their guns, and put them in their holsters until needed…they hoped they wouldn't be.
When they were all set, they followed Matt to the huge garage he kept his fleet in.
Although, "garage" didn't quite do the building justice. It was actually an airplane hangar that Matt got for a good price when the local airline went under. He'd made a loft in it with a ramp so there was extra room for smaller vehicles like his town cars. The limos, SUVs, and the stretch Hummer were on the lower level. He had a separate space outside for the two party busses and the RV, protected from the elements by large carports.
Matt went to grab keys from the lock box as the men gathered near the Suburbans. Sy was getting angsty. Moment of truth was here.
"Okay," Matt jingled two sets of keys in his hands. "Who's driving?"
Kevin deferred to Brad without contest, but Jake and Travis were bickering over the question between them.
"Grow up or get married already." Sy chided. "Jake, you got the good intel for us yesterday. You drive."
Travis was mildly crestfallen, but Jake was stoked and he caught the keyring Matt tossed him.
"You wanna drive, Captain?" Matt offered Sy the last set of keys.
"No, Matt. You're driving our group. I'll take shotgun though."
And the seven men got into the vehicles as if they were mounting horses, headed into the sunset.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Over the comms on the way, Sy addressed the team. "Okay, there's a large outbuilding near the road, guys. Pull off the driveway and park behind that structure. Hopefully they'll hide the vehicles from the main house. Bravo and Charlie teams, you let Alpha team get in place before you take your positions."
"Roger that, Captain." Kevin said in the headset.
"We copy." Travis answered for himself and Jake.
The first phase of the mission went perfectly. Sy, Nate, and Matt were in position, and Sy had set up the sound amplifier, aiming it at the house, headphones on. When the other teams were in position, Matt reported to Sy, since he was getting feedback using the earpiece and the headphones for the amp at the same time.
"Bravo and Charlie teams are in place, Captain."
"Great. Sit Rep?"
"All's quiet so far. Wait. Headlights coming up the drive." Each team tried to make themselves as small and low as possible so as not to draw attention to their presence. Sy had been getting nothing but crime show drivel from the TV in the house since he got here.
A petite but curvy brunette got out of the white Honda Civic and stomped into the house.
"Hey babe." Elliott's unmistakable voice rang in Sy's ear. And he was filled to bursting with rage all over again.
"What the fuck, Elliott? I've been trying to call you for hours! What the hell have you been doing?"
"Oh, I was charging my phone in the bedroom. What's going on?"
"That Captain Syverson your little pet was banging? I found out today that he's back in town. Has been for a few days."
"Shit. Shit!!! SHIT!!!"
"Yeah, so…if he isn't already, it won't be long before he starts trying to find her."
"But…how could he? Even if he thought it was me, I have no official ties to this place, or even you!"
"Flattering."
"You know what I mean."
"Whatever, but I'd get rid of her ASAP. This guy is NOT someone you wanna piss off, Elliott."
"I'll bring the guys in. We'll take care of it. Tonight."
Sy cussed in a loud whisper. He wanted to rip Elliott apart with his bare hands. Nate asked him what was wrong, but Sy held up a hand for him to remain quiet because he heard the scumbag inside on the phone.
"Yeah, it's me. Listen, change of plans, we need to do this tonight. Get everyone out here. Yes, immediately. There's a…potential complication. We need to take care of her before it becomes more. Yeah, she's weak, but I'm still gonna wait until you guys get here. She's still got some fight in her. She about took Jackson's eye out yesterday when he was  down there. He's got some wicked scratches on his face. I think he made her regret it, though." Elliott laughed with evil mirth. Sy was furious. He reckoned God Himself might have a time pulling him off that degenerate before he made him unrecognizable as a human man. Once he started punching him, he might not be able to stop.
When Elliott signed off, Sy pulled the earphones down onto his neck. He looked at Matt and Nate.
"He's planning something with Shane and has called in reinforcements. It sounds like he means to take her somewhere else, and it didn't sound like it was gonna be pretty. I think we need to go in now."
"Shit. Okay." Matt responded. Sy put his earpiece in and called on the rest of the team.
"Bravo and Charlie, do you copy?"
"Bravo copies." Kevin reported back.
"Charlie copies. Go ahead, Alpha." Travis cleared.
"Listen, boys. We need to go in, and we need to make it quick. Here’s the situation. We have one male and one female assailant inside the domicile, and an undetermined number of additional combatants en route to reinforce the enemy's line. We have one target. A female prisoner, presumably in the basement, given verbiage used in the communication I intercepted. Alpha team will make our priority extraction. Bravo, you will subdue the male assailant and then maintain sentry position on the lookout for more unfriendlies. Charlie team, you will clear the second level of the house and subdue the female combatant. She is a soldier, so proceed with extreme caution. Once the area is secure, drivers, go and retrieve the vehicles. We are gonna need to get out of here quick, or else things might go tits up. I'm concerned we'll lose the advantage of numbers if we wait too long. Are we clear?"
"Copy that, Alpha leader."
"Roger. On your count, cap."
Sy took a deep breath. Thought to himself "Shane. I'm on my way, baby!" He saw red, then. And called for the charge, out of the darkness, and into the farmhouse. To an uncertain outcome.
Up Next: Chapter 17-Gait Training
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namfine · 3 years
Text
Hello All! 
It’s ~Admin Zesty~ here, and I’m sad to say I’ve been booked a one-way ticket on the departing train. I feel it’s my duty to our readers to explain why, in the hopes that those involved can learn and grow from this.
As a disclaimer, I don’t claim to speak for Umami and Fizzy; they have been cordial in taking their leave, and everything I’m about to say stems from my own observations and conclusions. A lot has come to the surface in the past 24 hours, putting together puzzle pieces that none of us knew about. I’ll get to that in a moment, but I have to say this: Umami and Fizzy have been cordial. I will not. I was asked to leave; but more on that later.
I tend to let things pass; I’m a fairly easy-going person. I’m not one to pick fights and will often let things slide, or assume I’m imagining them. I like to give my friends the benefit of the doubt, which they deserve until proven otherwise. The boiling point for me with this was a brief argument I got into with Tart right before Christmas. This was not the first time I felt like Tart was looking for a fight, which heavily contributed to the overflow that followed. I expressed my distaste at people not wearing masks in the Atlanta airport while I was sitting waiting for my flight (a photo of the airport, me = masked, captioned “I hate the South”). Tart immediately jumped on me, claiming I was “belittling the work of Black activists in Atlanta” by “generalizing the South” - the South, which I know intimately well, having been raised in the Carolinas for 16 years of my life. My wealth of experience, in addition to the physical experience I was having in that airport, was invalid in the face of Tart’s experience living in the rural Midwest- which is, of course, exactly the same as the Bible Belt. 
This may seem like a small grievance to some, but to me, it was the straw on the camel’s back. I left every server - the general discord, our private writing discord, and the Namjoon server where we all met. I work a very demanding full-time job, which is stressful enough as it is; I couldn’t allow my hobby to stress me out too. I just had to get away for my mental health, just so I could breathe. I did not unfollow or block any of the other admins on any social medias - not private DM’s on discord, Snapchat, Instagram, etc. Immediately, Fizzy and Umami reached out to ask if I was okay, and I explained that I just needed a break.
Tart reached out to apologize, and the apology seemed sincere. We reconciled, but there was no further attempt to reach out and invite me back to any of the servers. I was content to just take a break and let this go, and return to writing when I felt ready - and that’s where things remained since then, up until today. I remained in cordial contact with the other admins, apart from Tart but I did not believe there was any hostility. 
When Umami posted their departure, I noticed the post on the blog. I reached out to them, asking if they were okay, and they explained to me the circumstances surrounding their decision to leave. Many of our experiences were similar, once we starting talking. I was sympathetic to their decision, but still felt committed to taking a leave of absence and returning when the time was right. Then, as many of you have already seen, Fizzy left as well. Umami and Fizzy both made the decision to leave separately; Umami posted the same message she posted on the Tumblr and the general Discord in the private server before leaving everything without another word. After Fizzy made her decision, she reached out to me on behalf of Tart and Minty - the first I’ve heard from Tart since we reconciled, and the first I’ve heard from Minty regarding the blog at all, albeit indirectly. They asked me to announce my departure, never having bothered to check-in with me themselves, firsthand. 
All of this stems from the bigger issues at play here, which I’d like to talk about, in what detail I can. As I said before, these are my own observations and conclusions; but I think they’re important, and I’m going to make sure I’m heard. Tart and Minty both contributed to a toxic environment, and it’s only after leaving that I’ve been able to see it for what it was. It’s been building up to the point that two other admins decided to leave of their own accord, and if that doesn’t tell you the state of things, I’m not sure what will. 
Near the end, Tart stopped being supportive of not only me, but also Umami. They were so caught up in themselves that ideas pitched were blatantly ignored or outrightly criticized. They made me feel alienated a lot of the time, something I’ve come to realize was not solely my experience. They disregarded my vents while at the same time demanding attention and validation of their own, several times a day. They are possessive over Jungkook to the point where the rest of us stopped writing about him, out of fear of getting snapped at. They complained about the lack of likes or attention from followers, while also managing to complain about attention from followers. They are judgy, condescending, and belittling to others that they deem lesser - which includes me, supposedly their friend. They constantly contradict themselves in various situations, taking whatever viewpoint best enables them to start a fight. There was also a multitude of microaggressions that I only noticed the magnitude of in retrospect; but that is Umami’s story, and it’s not my place to say any more on the matter. 
Umami has told me that she will be elaborating more on this, and for those who would like to hear her side of the story, you will find it on her new blog here.
Minty is Tart’s more tactful twin. She is either oblivious to the actions of Tart or outrightly ignores them, exhibiting the same lack of support that Tart has always displayed. She’s complacent with the constant bullying and abuse of both her fellow admins and members of the blog's discord. It’s bystander apathy to the highest degree at best, and enabling at worst. Throughout all of this, Minty has not once reached out to me to address any of this. 
Throughout the past month, I did not reach out to Tart or Minty. I felt like after the apology with Tart it was the assailant's job to instigate the conversation of whether or not the one who was upset (me) would like to join the group again. That conversation was never had, and I never stated that I wanted to leave. It's not fair to expect me to grovel to the other admins and beg to be returned to my position. I felt the apology went well, and I was content to leave it all in the past. Instead, the other admins just assumed since I had left the discord, I therefore left the blog. Had the apology been sincere, I would have been welcomed back with open arms.
I thought you were my friends, but friends don’t treat each other like this. Friends don’t make each other feel like they have to walk on eggshells around them. Friends should support each other and lift each other up, not turn everything into a competition or a fight. If I had realized that others around me were feeling the same way, I would not have sat silent for this long. For that, I apologize - to Umami, and to you, readers. 
I was asked to leave, so I’m leaving. This is my exit. I will be taking my work with me, just as Umami did. Umami was kind enough to invite me to join her on her other blog, so I will be housing my works there. I will be writing more in the future, so if you enjoyed any of my work, please feel free to follow me over there.
I want to thank you, readers, for taking the time to support my work. I feel like I’ve grown a lot as a writer since we started this, and it used to be a lot of fun. I hope to recapture that joy with a fresh start, and I hope that you come join me, if you feel so inclined. 
But in case I don’t see you…click here.
~Admin Zesty~
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dweemeister · 3 years
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2020 Movie Odyssey Award for Best Original Song (final round)
(Yet again, tumblr has not fixed bullet indentations. So this post doesn’t look as clean on your dashboards.)
TAGGING (among others): @addaellis, @cokwong, @emilylime5, @halfwaythruthedark, @idontknowmuchaboutmovies, @introspectivemeltdown, @maximiliani, @memetoilet, @monkeysmadeofcheese, @myluckyerror, @plus-low-overthrow, @shootingstarvenator, @themusicmoviesportsguy, @theybecomestories, @umgeschrieben, @underblackwings, @voicetalentbrendan​, @thewolfofelectricavenue, and @yellanimal.
I would also like to tag some followers/previous participants as well who I also would welcome to participate in this final round: @birdsongvelvet​, @bitch-genius​, @dog-of-ulthar​, @loveless422​, @lvl9gay​, @mehetibel​, @phendranaedge​, @poncho-honcho​, @sayaf​, @shadesofhappy​, @thethirdman8​, @uncoolforelimb​, and @wehadfacesthen​. Regardless of whether you were tagged or not, all of my followers can participate if they wish.
Happy Holidays to all! After a fascinating preliminary round, now begins the final round to 2020's Movie Odyssey Award for Best Original Song (MOABOS). This is the eighth time it has been contested and the seventh year it has been open to involvement from family, friends, and tumblr followers. I begin every new year not knowing whether I will be able to share with all of you these songs and the movies they come from around November/December. So on the day that MOABOS becomes viable (usually around mid-year), it's a long stretch of anticipation to this point.
For those who have never participated in this before, my classic movie blog traditionally ends the year by honoring some of the best achievements from movies that I saw for the first time this calendar year (the "Movie Odyssey"; rewatches do not count) with an Oscar-like ceremony. I choose all the nominees and winners from each category, save one: Best Original Song. It is the only category I can think of that does not require you to watch several movies in their entirety. I know some of you wonder why I bother with this quixotic social experiment. But I have always considered it a sort of cinematic-musical thank-you for your moral support in various ways - in the hopes of introducing to all of you films and music you may not have otherwise encountered or sought. A small slice of the 2020 Movie Odyssey, so to speak.
This final will be contested by sixteen songs. As I've mentioned before, for the first time ever, there are no MOABOS entries originating from this year that made the competition - a MOABOS first. I have seen one 2020 film since the prelim (Wolfwalkers... at a drive-in mind you), but this entire final is one of yesteryear. Even without any 1930s songs, this year's final is probably the oldest on average. There are some very recognizable songs that made it straight to the final, bypassing the preliminary; those songs are contained within. Among them, a city anthem and a song that should be a city's anthem. Elsewhere, this is the first final to ever feature two classic Bollywood songs - but no classic Bollywood song has ever cracked the top ten. Elvis has three songs in this final, a MOABOS joint record along with Prince and the Bee Gees (both in 2016). But also appearing in multiple entries are Frank Sinatra and Liza Minnelli, Louis Armstrong and Billie Holiday. With five non-English-language songs in the final, this year’s final ties 2017 with the largest contingent of finalists not in the English language.
INSTRUCTIONS Please rank (#1-16) your choices in order. The top ten songs will receive nominations. The tabulation method used in the preliminary round is being used for the final only as the second tiebreaker (the tabulation method that will be used principally for the final - aka "single transferable vote" - is described in the “read more” at the bottom). There is no minimum or maximum amount of songs you can rank, but because of the nature of single transferable vote, it is highly recommended to rank as many songs as possible, rather than only one or two. Those who rank fewer songs run a greater risk of their ballots being discarded in the later rounds of tabulation. Again, this is all described in the “read more”.
Please consider to the best of your ability: how musically interesting the song is (incl. and not limited to musical phrasing and orchestration); its lyrics; context within the film (contextual blurbs provided for every entry for those who haven't seen the films); choreography/dance direction (if applicable); and the song's cultural impact/life outside the film (if applicable, and, in my opinion, least important factor). Imperfections in audio and video quality may not be used against any song. I encourage you to send in comments and reactions with your rankings - it makes the process more enjoyable for you and myself!
The deadline for submission is Thursday, December 31 at 8 PM Pacific Time. That is 6 PM Hawaii/Aleutian Time / 10 PM Central / 11 PM Eastern. That deadline is also Friday, January 1 at 2 AM GMT / 3 AM CET / 4 AM EET. This deadline has been pushed back two consecutive times due to a sizable non-response rate - but I very much do not want to do so again.
I have compiled most of this final round's songs into this YouTube playlist. Please note that neither of Kaagaz Ke Phool’s two songs are contained in the playlist. You will need to access them using their respective links.
Enjoy the music! Feel free to listen as many times as you need, and I hope you discover music and movies you may have never otherwise heard of that you find fascinating. The following is formatted... ("Song title", composer and lyricist, film title):
2020 MOVIE ODYSSEY AWARD FOR BEST ORIGINAL SONG – FINAL ROUND
“Angela”, music and lyrics by José Feliciano and Janna Merlyn Feliciano, Aaron Loves Angela (1975)
Performed by José Feliciano
(English-language version) / (Spanish single version)
Played over the opening credits to this teenage drama that is partly a blaxploitation film, partly an interracial coming-of-age romance. The movie wasn't a hit, but the Spanish-language version of this song was received well in Latin America.
“Blue Shadows on the Trail”, music and lyrics by Eliot Daniel and Johnny Lange, Melody Time (1948)
Performed by Roy Rogers and the Sons of the Pioneers
This is the introductory song to the final segment of Melody Time. That segment is dedicated to the legend of Pecos Bill, and this atmospheric song leads into the telling of that story.
“Can’t Help Falling in Love”, music and lyrics by Hugo Peretti, Luigi Creatore, and George David Weiss, Blue Hawaii (1961)
Performed by Elvis Presley
(film version) / (single version)
Chadwick "Chad" Gates (Elvis) has just returned to his home state of Hawai'i after a stint in the Army. Not wanting to work on his father's pineapple plantation (seriously), he rekindles his relationship with his girlfriend, Maile (Joan Blackman). This song is sung as an accompaniment to a music box he gives to Maile's grandmother (Flora Kaai Hayes, a former Hawaiian Territorial Representative to the U.S. House). This song is among Elvis' best-known and most widely-covered.
“Dekhi Zamaane Ki Yaari / Bichhde Sabhi Baari Baari”, music by S.D. Burman, lyrics by Kaifi Azmi, Kaagaz Ke Phool (1959, India)
Performed by Mohammad Rafi (dubbing Guru Dutt)
Lyrics in Hindi - roughly, "I Have Seen How Deeply Friendship Lies / I Have Seen People Abandon Me One by One"
Part 1 (3:44-8:27) / Part 2 (2:16:29-2:20:42)
Make sure to turn on the video’s English captions
In this romantic tragedy, Suresh Sinha (Dutt) is a washed-up director looking back on his life. In the first part, the song leads into the rest of the film - which is almost entirely a flashback. In brief, Suresh is unhappily married to a woman whose in-laws look down on him because, to them, working in films is contemptible to their social class. Suresh meets a woman, Shanti (Waheeda Rehman), on accident and she is soon cast as the lead for his next film. They fall in love, but it is never consummated for various reasons. Eventually, his career crashes after a box office bomb and her career is ascendant. Leading into the second part of the song, Suresh is penniless and working as an extra at the movie studio. Shanti recognizes him, wants to help, but he refuses to revive his career on the back of her success. Kaagaz Ke Phool has elements of autobiography, and Suresh's fate has parallels with what happened to Dutt after this film was released.
“(Do You Know What It Means to Miss) New Orleans”, music by Louis Alter, lyrics by Edgar De Lange, New Orleans (1947)
Initially performed by Billie Holiday and Louis Armstrong and his band; reprised by various
(initial film performance) / (Louis Armstrong single version)
Endie (Holiday in her only appearance in a feature film) is a maid to the affluent Smith family, whose matriarch looks down on jazz as a disreputable genre of music. In secret, Endie frequents a gambling and jazz establishment in the historic Storyville district of New Orleans and performs here with Louis Armstrong (playing himself) and others when she gets the chance. The matriarch's daughter (Dorothy Patrick), an classical operatic soprano, is transfixed by this new music she has never heard before.
“ Exsultate Justi”, music and lyrics by John Williams, Empire of the Sun (1987)
Performed by orchestra and chorus under the direction of Williams
Lyrics in Latin
In this historical epic, affluent British school boy Jamie Graham (a young Christian Bale) is living with his parents in Shanghai when the Japanese invade. Jamie is separated from his parents and placed in an internment camp. Soon before the end of WWII, the prisoners are moved elsewhere, but Jamie hides and stays put. This song plays as Jamie bikes around the empty camp and continues to play as he encounters liberating U.S. troops. Jamie is dirty and malnourished when found; one can argue that this song is used ironically. It plays once more over the end credits. "Exsultate Justi" is a variation on a theme John Williams develops over the course of the film and harkens back to Jamie's past, attending Anglican services with parents.
“Farewell to Storyville",  music by Louis Alter, lyrics by Edgar De Lange, New Orleans (1947)
Performed by Louis Armstrong and his band, Billie Holiday, and company
In New Orleans, the Storyville district was a den of drinking, gambling, jazz, and prostitution. The district was the home to a heavily black populace. The U.S. military, about to establish a Naval base nearby, forces the city to close the district for good. This song is a swinging dirge to a center of jazz - a musical genre looked down upon by many of the city's upper-class whites due to its ties (real and imagined) to crime.
“Happy Endings", music by John Kander, lyrics by Fred Ebb, New York, New York (1977)
Performed by Liza Minnelli and company (that's Jack Haley - who played the Tin Man and was, at the time, Minnelli's father-in-law - roughly seven minutes in)
(use in film) / (soundtrack version)
It is highly recommended one sees how this song is used in the film. Bear with me: this song is part of a movie within a movie. Within that movie within a movie, there is another movie. "Happy Endings" is the title end song to a film called Happy Endings within New York, New York. Singer Francine Evans (Liza Minnelli) has made it big as a recording artist and caps off her hit film, Happy Endings, with this song. We see Francine's ex, played by Robert De Niro, in the audience as the film ends. "Happy Endings" is a homage/deconstruction to midcentury Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) musicals. It serves the film as "The Broadway Melody" does to Singin' in the Rain (1952) or the 17-minute ballet does to conclude An American in Paris (1951).
“Here They Come (From All Over the World)", music and lyrics by P.F. Sloan and Steve Barri, The T.A.M.I. Show (1964)
Performed by Jan and Dean
The link above provides the entire film. You only need to watch from 0:00-4:11. If you like music from this era or want to hear more, this film is highly, highly recommended.
This is the opening credits song to a concert film recorded over two days in Santa Monica, California on October 28 and 29, 1964. The Teenage Awards Music International (T.A.M.I. - yes, I know it's an awkward name) Show included many of the most popular musical stars of that time - almost all of them name-dropped in this song. Jan and Dean, a surf music duo, served as hosts (and performed during) the show. You folks are lucky that this is the only original song from this film!
“Is There Still Anything That Love Can Do?", music and lyrics by Yôjirô Noda, Weathering with You (2019, Japan)
Performed by RADWIMPS
Lyrics in Japanese (translation)
Weathering with You is a romantic fantasy anime about a high school boy who runs away from his rural home to Tokyo, where he meets a girl who can manipulate the weather. It has been inexplicably raining for weeks without interruption in Tokyo, so they form a business to help clear the inclement weather for special events. The melody of this song is heard throughout the film's score. It does not appear with lyrics until late in the film. The song is played under the boy's seemingly impossible attempt to save her from an unwilling human sacrifice.
There is so much plot in this damn film (it's all Makoto Shinkai's fault) - I can't explain the context of the song or this movie in a reasonable amount of space.
“Moonlight Swim”, music by Ben Weisman, lyrics by Sylvia Dee, Blue Hawaii (1961)
Performed by Elvis Presley
In a musical packed end-to-end with songs, Chadwick "Chad" Gates (Elvis) has taken a job with a tour guide agency. On his first day, he drives his first clients - a school teacher (who not so secretly is attracted to Chad) and four teenagers (one of whom becomes smitten) - to their destination.
“Personality”, music by Jimmy Van Heusen, lyrics by Johnny Burke, Road to Utopia (1946)
Performed by Dorothy Lamour
(in-film performance) / (live radio performance)
In the fourth film of the Road to... comedy series, Bob Hope and Bing Crosby's characters have just overpowered two Alaskan thugs with a history of murderous violence. As they enter a saloon dressed up as those two thugs, all of the patrons - in a town that only knows the thugs by reputation - shut up in terror. They are treated to a performance by Sal (Lamour), who is trying to find a map of a gold mine that the real outlaws supposedly have. A visual narrator (Robert Benchley) interrupts the scene before the song briefly.
“Please Don’t Stop Loving Me”, music and lyrics by Joy Byers, Frankie and Johnny (1966)
Performed by Elvis Presley
(in-film performance) / (single version)
Johnny (Elvis) and girlfriend Frankie (Donna Douglas) work on a Mississippi River riverboat as performers. Johnny is addicted to gambling and believes that another woman is spurring on his recent run of good luck. During a fit of jealousy-as-acting, Frankie accidentally shoots Johnny during a bit of musical theater (someone switched out the blanks for real bullets). This song occurs after Johnny has recovered from the accident.
“Theme from New York, New York”, music by John Kander, lyrics by Fred Ebb, New York, New York (1977)
Performed by Liza Minnelli
(in-film performance) / (Frank Sinatra single)
For most of the film, saxophone player Jimmy Doyle (Robert De Niro) is trying to compose a song but cannot figure out the lyrics (this plays out as a subplot). His eventual girlfriend/later ex, Francine Evans (Minnelli) provides said lyrics. Some time well after they have broken up, he finds her singing this song - which he previously brought to the top of the jazz charts - in the nightclub where they first met. This film flopped (musical movies were out of fashion by the mid-'70s, and a musical didn't seem "on brand" for director Martin Scorsese). But the Frank Sinatra single popularized this song, and it has been used in many venues of popular culture.
“Waqt Ne Kiya Kya Haseen Sitam”, music and lyrics by S.D. Burman, Kaagaz Ke Phool (1959, India)
Performed by Geeta Dutt (dubbing Waheeda Rehman)
Lyrics in Hindi - roughly, "Time Has Inflicted Such Sweet Cruelty On Us"
Song begins at 1:03:31 and ends at 1:07:51
Make sure to turn on the video’s English captions
In this romantic tragedy told in flashback, Suresh Sinha (Guru Dutt) is a director looking back on his life. Suresh is unhappily married to a woman whose in-laws look down on him because, to them, working in films is contemptible to their social class. Suresh meets a woman, Shanti (Waheeda Rehman), on accident and she is soon cast as the lead for his next film. They fall in love, but it is never consummated for various reasons. This song is the most explicit statement of that love in this film. How much of the scene's set-up is observable by the characters is up to the viewer's interpretation.
“You Make Me Feel So Young”, music by Josef Myrow, lyrics by Mack Gordon, Three Little Girls in Blue (1946)
Performed by Del Porter (dubbing Charles Smith) and Carol Stewart (dubbing Vera-Ellen)
(use in film) / (Frank Sinatra cover)
In this rarely-seen musical (*insert plea to Disney to restore the massive 20th Century Fox catalogue they now own and are almost certainly neglecting*), three chicken farmer sisters decide to travel to Atlantic City in hopes of marrying a rich husband when they learn their aunt's inheritance is not nearly as much as they want. There, youngest sister Myra (Vera-Ellen) - despite the sisters' original intentions of marrying men of wealth - becomes involved with a waiter named Mike (Charles Smith). They go on a date, and they sing this song. A somewhat overly-literal fantastical dancing sequence ensues, complete with Vera-Ellen's dancing skills. This song was popularized by Frank Sinatra years later and has long enjoyed status as a big band/jazz standard.
Contact me however you wish if you have questions or comments regarding MOABOS' processes or something specific about a song or a few. Please let me know as soon as possible if you are having difficulty accessing one of the songs (especially if it is region-locked) or if there is an error in the playlist.
Once more, I thank you all for your support for the Movie Odyssey, the blog, and for me personally - no matter how long I’ve known you or in what capacity. There are no hard feelings if you cannot get to this, although I will be checking in as the deadlines get close. Please wear a mask. Practice social distancing. We'll see each other again on the other side of this pandemic.
TABULATION The winner is determined by a process distinct from the preliminary round. For the final, the winner is chosen by the process known as single transferable vote (the Academy Awards uses this method to choose a Best Picture winner, visually represented here - you should really watch this video if the below doesn’t make sense… which it probably won’t):
All #1 picks from all voters are tabulated. A song needs more than half of all aggregate votes to win (50% of all votes plus one… i.e. if there are thirty respondents, sixteen #1 votes are needed to win on the first count).
If there is no winner after the first count (as is most likely), the song(s) with the fewest #1 votes or points is/are eliminated. Placement will be determined by the tiebreakers described below. Then, we look at the ballots of those who voted for the most recently-eliminated song(s). Their votes then go to the highest-remaining and non-eliminated song on their ballot.
The process described in step #2 repeats until one song has secured 50% plus one of all votes. We keep eliminating nominees and transfer votes to the highest-ranked, non-eliminated song on each ballot. NOTE: It is possible after several rounds of counting that respondents who did not entirely fill in their ballots will have wasted their votes at the end of the process. For example, if a person voted the second-to-last place song as their #1, ranked no other songs, and the count has exceeded two rounds, their ballot is discarded (lowering the vote threshold needed to win), and they have no say in which song ultimately is the winner.
A song wins when it reaches more than fifty percent of all #1 and re-distributed votes.
Tiebreakers: 1) first song to receive 50% plus one of all #1 and transferred votes; 2) total points earned (this was the first tiebreaker in the preliminary round); 3) total #1 votes; 4) average placement on my ballot and my sister’s ballot; 5) tie declared
Previous years’ results for reference: 2013 final 2014 final (input from family and friends began this year) 2015 final 2016 prelim / final 2017 prelim / final 2018 prelim / final 2019 prelim / final
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janelevy · 4 years
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screaming at nothing
summary: med student elsa curry has yet to run into the infamous dr. ava bekker she has heard some things about, many of them questionable. then one day she’s confronted by a snappish surgeon with an accent smooth as silk. as if elsa wasn’t gay enough already, it seems the world wants to test her limits yet again.
this was inspired by @princessbekker ... i tried my best to do this idea justice because it just had to be written, sorry not sorry. 
When she was fourteen years old, Elsa Curry came to the conclusion that she was gay. For her, it had been far from a difficult realization - as early as seventh grade, she had hazy memories of blushing deeply while changing for gym class with the other girls in the locker room. She remembered her wandering eyes catching forbidden snippets of skin, watching sleek long hair being swept into ponytails, snagging on any bra straps that happened to peek out. At first she believed what she felt had to be wrong. After all, why was it so... easy for the other girls to just smile and talk to each other while half-naked? Elsa would gather her things and scamper off to a private stall with a beet-red face and sweat dripping down her spine.
But it didn’t take long for her to accept it. She was fourteen when she stood in front of the bathroom mirror and told herself, “I’m gay.” Her reflection didn’t argue, and that settled it.
Now, a little over a decade later, Elsa fully embraced it. She loved girls. Girls were amazing. Her car had a bumper sticker of the lesbian pride flag, her bag had several appropriate pins decorating it. When she wasn’t studying, she ran a Tumblr blog that featured various forms of lesbian representation in media. She didn’t give a shit what others thought; she knew what she knew about herself, and that made her happy.
The one thing that tended to get under her skin these days was the difficulty of her job. Elsa was insistent about doing the right thing for the patients she treated, and making a mistake just didn’t fit into her itinerary. If her disagreement with another doctor came to a head (which often resulted in it exploding in her face), she had to take a moment to herself. A corner of the doctors’ lounge, the second-to-last stall in the quiet third floor bathroom, the deserted staff parking lot in the middle of the day. She didn’t care where it happened; all she knew was that she needed to scream. One scream was usually enough to make her feel better, to make the stinging vines wrapping around her bones recede and slither away. Then, not even a minute later, Elsa would return to the E.D. with a level head, prepared to resume her work as if she hadn’t just screamed into her balled-up coat in the lounge.
Her little sessions were so brief, they were mere blips on her radar throughout the day. No one had ever caught her in the middle of one, and Elsa planned to keep it that way.
Enter Dr. Ava Bekker.
Elsa wasn’t very familiar with any of the surgeons since most of her assignments landed her in the heat of the action at the front doors of the emergency room. She was still new enough at Gaffney, in fact, that she really wasn’t sure where in the hospital she was when she jabbed a random button on the elevator, found a dead hallway, sank down to the floor against the wall, and shrieked into her thighs.
She also didn’t hear the clicking footsteps approaching her. Then an accented voice, tinged thoroughly with irritation, broke into her private space.
“Are you quite alright?”
Hot, seething embarrassment filled her stomach, and Elsa was almost positive she was going to vomit. Slowly she lifted her head and unfolded her limbs from the ball she’d scrunched her body into. Standing above her, arms crossed, was someone in black scrubs. She had striking eyes - hazel, Elsa thought, from her lowly position on the grimy floor.
It only hit her she still had yet to answer when the stranger snapped, “I suggest you get up. I know for a fact they don’t mop the floor up here as thoroughly as they should.”
Elsa stood on shaky knees and rose to her full height, which definitely lagged behind that of the glaring figure before her. Now that they were face to face, Elsa picked up on more details: the ghost of a smirk outlining a frown, the streaks of paler blonde peeking through caramel-colored waves. Elsa’s eyes fell on the white stitching on her scrubs; this woman was not just a nurse, she was a doctor who just happened to not have her white coat on. Elsa was too taken aback to read the name listed there, however. Instead she fixed her eyes back on the other doctor’s face and breathed out an apologetic, “Um, yeah, I’m... I’m fine. I was... I was just overwhelmed.”
The doctor nodded. “Sure seems that way.” She tilted her head, staring intensely at Elsa. “Do you always scream at every minor inconvenience? Because if you’re going that route, your throat will be raw before noon.” She paused then, eyes flashing to Elsa’s white coat. “You’re a med student, aren’t you? Oh, wow. You should know, once you’re a full-fledged doc you won’t even have time to blink in between patients, let alone scream at nothing for five minutes.”
Elsa wasn’t sure if she liked the way the woman laughed. She had a particular method to it; she wove laughs smoothly between her words, speaking almost as if they weren’t even there to disrupt what was supposed to be a stern reprimanding. Elsa felt her own annoyance simmer in her gut, and she couldn’t help but throw up the defenses. “I’m not screaming at nothing,” she said. “I have my reasons. It’s not really anyone else’s business.”
“Oh, is it really?” Her superior smiled then, and suddenly Elsa most definitely liked the way she laughed. “How about you make it my business, then. Care to get a coffee?” She had already turned around to go, but stopped and looked back when Elsa didn’t immediately follow.
Elsa’s jaw dropped, but she made sure to pick it back up quickly. “You’re joking, right?”
The doctor rolled her pretty eyes and Elsa’s knees started to tremble again, along with her fingers. She shoved her hands in her pockets but she couldn’t hide the blush creeping up her neck. “Once you get to know me, Doctor, you’ll realize I’m not someone who jokes with people I like. Now, if you had the time to come up to the surgery wing and scream at nothing, then you certainly have time to come to the cafeteria for ten minutes. You coming or not?”
She smiled again, and Elsa knew she was in deep. She also knew Dr. Halstead was going to chew her out for this later, but she couldn’t stop her feet from trailing this alluring stranger all the way downstairs.
Before long, they had filled a couple of paper cups with mediocre hospital coffee and were sitting facing each other at a flimsy metal table. It was close to lunchtime, so the cafeteria was bustling, but Elsa was immune to the noise. The coffee was really pretty gross, so she just cupped it in her hands to leech off its warmth.
“So, what brought you here?” her companion said around the rim of her cup. It felt like everything she did was calculated ahead of time, even down to simple questions she asked. Her questions sounded more like statements, like she was telling rather than asking.
Elsa shifted her glasses up her nose and shrugged. “I want to be a doctor,” she answered.
“Wow. Insightful.”
“I get straight to the point. What more do you want?” Elsa shrugged. She knew exactly what she was doing here; she had done it before. Throwing up the walls, acquiring a sharp, sour tongue. Over the years she had become skilled in pushing herself away from others. She skimmed her gaze over the unfamiliar surgeon again, and reaffirmed what she had already concluded in her mind. There was no way she had a chance with someone this attractive. She was already thinking about the rant she would share with her Tumblr followers later tonight, about the beautiful stranger who popped up out of nowhere at work and tormented Elsa with her beauty.
Fed up with the silence, Elsa spoke up again and interrupted the other’s incessant coffee guzzling. “Are you ever going to tell me your name?”
“Only if you tell me why you were screaming at nothing in my territory,” countered Hazel Eyes.
Elsa suppressed a groan. “I doubt you’re the one in charge of that wing, first of all. I would know who you are if you were. And again, I was not screaming at nothing!” She shook her head rapidly and forced herself to swallow a few gulps of watery, paper-thin coffee. “If you must know, I was upset because I got into an argument with another doctor over how to treat a patient’s high blood pressure. Then he called in someone else, and of course they agreed to go with his method because I’m just the inexperienced newbie med student.” She sat back in her chair and lifted her hands in surrender. “There. Now you have it. Now who are you and why do you like me?”
“Oh, you picked up on that. Observant, but not observant enough to just read my scrubs.” The woman smirked at her, and out of nowhere Elsa’s heart leaped into her throat. She tried to swallow it back down but couldn’t. “I’m Dr. Bekker,” she said, swirling the dregs of her coffee in the cheap little cup. “Ava, if you like.”
The name hit Elsa like a face plant into a brick wall. She had heard this name before. She vaguely remembered gossip from a few weeks back in the E.D., bits and pieces of conversation she overheard from the nurses’ station. Before her brain could process what she would say, Elsa was already saying it: “You’re the one who Dr. Rhodes freaked out on before he left. Aren’t you?”
Ava nodded, unfazed. “That news really did circulate to every corner of this place.” She met Elsa’s eyes again and grinned. “Yes, the bastard did accuse me of murder, as if every doctor isn’t equally capable of that.”
Elsa could’ve sworn she saw a wink flash on Ava’s face, but it was gone in an instant. “How did you deal with all that bullshit being thrown at you?” she asked. “It couldn’t have been easy.”
“No, that’s exactly what it was: easy,” Ava answered. “Elsa” - Ava must’ve read her name on her coat - “if there’s one insider tip to give about working here, it’s that you absolutely cannot put up with the shit men will give you. Male doctors have a way of thinking every single thing they say is correct, like they radiate intelligence from their crotch.”
For the first time, Elsa laughed. Her eyes flashed from the bad coffee to Ava’s eyes, which were the color of honey in the brighter light. “Well,” she said, “that’s why I’m only attracted to women. Enough said.”
Out of all the things that could’ve left this gorgeous person’s mouth, Elsa least expected what came next. She had heard the rumors about Dr. Bekker’s whirlwind romance with that Rhodes guy, which burned up in toxic flames. She wasn’t sure if it was true, though, especially now. And then Dr. Ava Bekker told her, “Seems we have more in common than you thought, Dr. Curry.”
Elsa’s heart climbed higher up her throat, and it definitely wasn’t coming back down for a while.
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Kdramas mean so much cause they’re good AND they have Asians
you have no idea what that means to a born, raised, and hasn’t even left the philippines, filipina who’s spent most her life obsessed with western media and content
this is just me poring my asian heart out over finally seeing so much asians be awesome onscreen. saranghae and mahal ko kayong lahat <3333
Before i now have to come back to my unfortunately regularly scheduled programming of primarily gushing about western fandoms, i’d just like to take this brief time to talk about how much discovering and finally garnering an appreciation for kdramas means to me
kdramas are popular in my country. while most girls were gushing about oppas, i was the weirdo binging the arrowverse, GOT, grey’s anatomy, doctor who, and various american sticoms and animated series
it kinda made me bitter tbh haha. like, WHY DIDNT THEY LIKE THE STUFF I LIKED? or, WHY DIDNT I LIKE THE STUFF THEY LIKED?
so, i kind of knowingly unfairly decided kdramas sucked ass and were lame and basic and said screw them, the stuffed i watched was AWESOME
and for some part, the sentence i said is still true. kdramas still have a lameness to them and i still really like adore and appreciate the western fandoms i dove into over the years
but, it’s been a hell of a long time since i was only watching a handful of shows. i am now an older fangirl, who’s been through bad runs and writing, cancellations, series finales, and just overally ass suckery in the fandom business
i’ve been through a lot, and frankly, ever since Crazy Rich Asians, Crazy-Ex Girlfriend and maybe Colleen Wing in Iron Fist S2, i just realized how rewarding and awesome it was to see asian culture, cultures very similar to mine, portrayed on screen
it was so awesome to see a badass adorable cute awesome and truly heroic asian woman portrayed in colleen wing by jessica henwick
this newfound appreciation for asian content also made me appreciate Mulan, a classic childhood favorite of mine already, and Melinda May from AOS even further.
as my newfound asian appreciation grew, the more i got sick from seeing the same ol non-asian protagonists in the media i consumed
so, yes, i still very much care about the fandoms i’ve had for some time now. they’re the same old tired non-asian characters i’ve always spent my time with, so i still feel sentimental about them. we have history, for pete’s sake.
but like i said, they’re old and tired and the same damn thing i’ve watched for the past decade and more of my life.
which could be why all this asian representation is just hitting me right in the feels. you truly never know how much representation matters until it happens. and you just... feel it. the joy of seeing yourself on screen. it’s like, you’re finally being seen for who you are.
it just gets me, you know?
so, yes, i am loving all of the representation that we are now getting more and more of. however, the real true reason that i was driven to talk about this just before i go back to what is sadly my normal blog activity (western fandoms, that is), i just wanna highlight over and over and over again that asian content means so effing much to me and i’m really bummed it isn’t what’s normal on my blog, or that it isn’t as popular as what i usually post about
and that annoys the hell out of me, that kdramas are actually pretty and really good (REALLY REALLY EXCELLENT, imo, in cloy’s case), but they aren’t being given the love and adoration it deserves. especially since asian representation matters so much to me. seeing asians be just as cool and badass and gorgeous and awesome as other non-asians but less appreciated bums the frick out of me.
of course i get that the content is quite different. kdramas tend to be more extreme or lean more into character types while western content tends to be more subtle and chill and casual. and there’s the language barrier. so yes, believe me when i say, I GET IT. i understand why most people don’t get into it.
i’m just here as a filipino fangirl pleading the case of kdramas, proposing they’re just as good and imperfect as western media. they’re both good and bad in their own ways.
i wished i talked more about asian content in this blog, i’m bummed that i’m gonna stop rn cus the western content that keeps popping up on my radar is piling up and i want to get rid of em all and have a clean slate.
so for now, i want to leave this post at the very top of my blog for maybe a couple of days since i just want to emphasize that kdramas and asian content mean a lot to me. i wish i could talk about them more, but i also want to share some stuff regarding some of my older fandoms. i am doing this cause i want to say that asian content deserves as much of my time as western content does. i am writing this to say that i still very much care about kdramas to a more meaningful extent than any other fandom i’ve recently joined because they make me proud to be asian.
i am planning to talk about them more some time in the future, but for now, it’s time for a clean slate. im gonna start posting about western fandoms for a bit again. it bums me out they’re the majority of what i automatically see in tumblr but i still feel i have to share em since they’re still good content nevertheless.
asian content matters so much to me, but for now, back to my ol fandoms. i’ll return to kdramas once again tho. i’ll be back. i have to. ( ≧Д≦)( ≧Д≦)( ≧Д≦)ಥ_ಥ
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thebluemartini · 5 years
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Under Your Spell - Nessian at Hogwarts AU Fanfic
TITILE: Under Your Spell SYNOPSIS: Hogwarts AU. One could say Cassian, a Gryffindor, has had an obsession with Nesta Archeron, a Slytherin, since their fourth year at Hogwarts. But as they enter their seventh and final year, Cassian realizes he has feelings for her and is determined to ask her out on a date before he runs out of time. He can only hope she'll agree to go out with him, considering they've spent the past few years bickering at each other. RATING: T FIC LENGTH: oneshot, 15K+ words SLIGHT WARNING: Tomas makes an appearance in this story, but when Nesta tells him to stop kissing and touching her, he does...he's just a royal jerk about it. *This fic is also posted on AO3 and FF. A/N: I was in the midst of drafting a post-ACOFAS Nessian multi-chapter fic when I got a bit of writer's block, then had read a tumblr post about what Hogwarts houses would the ACOTAR characters be in. A plot bunny was then born and I had to write this (despite not being one for AUs really...) because the thought of Nesta and Cassian at Hogwarts was SO CUTE to me!I just figured this oneshot would be around 5K words and not 15K words (!!!). I hope you enjoy it!
TAGGING some folks who have expressed interest in reading my Nessian fics in the past/Nessian-related blogs that may want to reblog :) (but I understand if a Hogwarts AU is not your thing!): @dreaming-of-bohemian-nights @queenofillea1@trash-for-nessian @nestaarcheronwillkillme @my-fan-side @strangeenemy @maastrash @cageddovepoetry
One could say Cassian has had an obsession with Nesta Archeron since their fourth year at Hogwarts.
As a Gryffindor, he didn’t pay Nesta much attention before then. She was a Slytherin after all. They surely had classes together, but he typically only hung around with his best friends, fellow Gryffindors Rhysand and Azriel.
But in their fourth year, during a Potions class, Cassian had his first significant interaction with Nesta.
Each student had been required to make a boil cure potion. Cassian had failed to make the potion correctly at first, having added snails instead of horned slugs to his concoction. So toward the end of class, he had to start the potion off from scratch and hurriedly put it together. In his rush, he had plopped the horned slugs into his brew, which happened to splash the unfinished potion onto Nesta’s arm as she walked by. Soon, big, red, pus-filled boils began to form not only on her arm but all over her body as she gave him the most horrifying glare that felt like it pierced his very soul. Then, in a bold move, she reached for the spoon beside him, stuck it into his brew, and purposefully splashed him back. Instantly, the boils covered his own body as he scowled at her.
The two of them had been sent to the hospital wing, where they were placed in beds next to each other. Despite his apology for accidentally splashing her, Nesta sent insults his way the entire afternoon, and Cassian felt compelled to fire back at her.
And ever since that day, they’ve always bickered at and teased each other.
At first, Cassian was truly annoyed with her whenever he saw her. But at some point over the years, he began seeking her out to playfully tease her because he grew to enjoy their interactions.
He wasn’t sure what it was about her. He simply felt drawn to her. Perhaps it was her boldness. Perhaps it was because she didn’t fawn over him and his friends like the other girls at Hogwarts did. Or maybe it was because she could verbally spar with him.
...As well as hold her own in a physical spar with him. In their fifth year, they had to duel each other in a Defense Against the Dark Arts class (using non-injurious spells, of course). With every spell he shot at her, she was always ready to shield herself and shoot one back. Neither of them were able to disarm the other, resulting in a tie.
Not only was she strong in intelligence and her fight, but she was beautiful. Cassian could never ignore that fact. From her high cheekbones to her luscious lips to the wicked amusement that would sometimes flicker in her smoky gray eyes...everything about her physique was alluring.
In fact, it was those captivating eyes of hers that had him beginning to question if he actually had feelings for her. Towards the end of their sixth year, he had been caught after curfew snogging with Hufflepuff Holly Langforden in a broom closet by Nesta. Upon finding them both with tousled hair and disheveled clothes, Nesta’s beautiful eyes widened in shock, then narrowed in irritation as, ever the prefect, she announced she was deducting ten points from both Gryffindor and Hufflepuff before angrily ordering them to return to their dormitories.
And yet, seeing Nesta’s shocked and fury-filled eyes had made him feel...guilty. If it was any other prefect who had caught them, he wouldn’t have felt bad at all. In fact, he’d been caught snogging other girls in broom closets multiple times since his fifth year, and it never bothered him one bit to be breaking the rules. It only bothered him that he couldn’t snog the girls a little while longer.
But Nesta finding him...had brought a weird feeling to his stomach. He didn’t cheerfully return to his dormitory afterwards as he usually would have done, having just made out with a girl. Instead, he walked at a slow pace, head cast down, with his hands in his pockets as he contemplated that strange feeling.
It was as though he felt sorry Nesta had caught him with someone else. That he regretted it instantly upon seeing Nesta open the door.
That he perhaps wished it was her he was actually snogging, untangling the crown braid around her head as he did so.
But he was quick to push that thought away. It had nearly been the summer anyway, and he had been certain he would soon forget all about her.
Well, he went off to Rhys’ home for the summer...and couldn’t forget about her.
All he could seem to think about was her.
The sight of books sprawled about Rhys’ home made him think of all the times he’d seen Nesta at the library. Rhys’ mother’s garden of various flowers had him remembering the one time he witnessed her sister placing flowers within Nesta’s hair as they sat beside the Great Lake. The grayness of the sky on stormy days reminded him of her eyes.  Even in the simple, silly things such as noticing the contrast of silverware at dinner against a green tablecloth brought his favorite Slytherin to mind.
He missed bickering with her. He missed her witty comebacks and her clever insults.
He just missed her.
And that was when he knew that he had to ask her out this year - their final year at Hogwarts. Before they went off to pursue their careers, he had to figure out whatever this thing with Nesta was...and if it was something that could last longer than their time at Hogwarts.
As he boarded the Hogwarts Express, with Rhys and Az following behind him, he searched for a compartment for them to sit. They’d been running pretty late, as usual, and most of the compartments were already full.
But towards the back, upon popping his head in one compartment, Cassian was delighted to find Nesta’s two sisters...with an empty spot next to them that would likely be filled by her.
And space to fit three more passengers across from them.
Cassian’s face beamed, and he felt his heart race as he asked, “Mind if we join you ladies?”
“Oh, please do,” Elain said sweetly with a kind smile, while Feyre nodded in agreement.
Cassian nodded in thanks to them. He had only ever had very brief interactions with Elain. She was a sixth-year Hufflepuff, and he didn’t see her often. He knew Feyre only slightly better since she was a fellow housemate, just two years younger than him.
Rhys and Az followed behind him into the compartment, and he could see the faces of Elain and Feyre brighten as everyone greeted each other.
Cassian plopped down in the seat across from the empty one he had assumed Nesta would soon fill. His heart began to pound at the prospect of seeing her after such a long summer without her.
A summer of dreaming about her and hoping he could go out with her.
Elain seemed to catch him looking at the empty space beside her. “Nesta’s in the prefect’s compartment, but she usually stops by to see us.”
Cassian hoped his disappointment didn’t show on his face. The prefect’s compartment...he had completely forgotten about the special perks of being a prefect.
But that also meant that as a prefect, she would have to patrol the train’s corridor at some point today. The thought brought a slight grin to his face. He could just make...periodic visits to the bathroom, maybe linger a bit in the train corridor, with the hope of seeing Nesta.
So for the following six hours aboard the train, that’s what he did. At the top of each hour, he’d make a leisurely walk to and from the bathroom...and sometimes get scolded by a prefect who wasn’t Nesta.
At one point, Rhys and Az thought something was wrong with him for having to go to the bathroom so many times. Not wanting to admit his true intentions in front of Nesta’s sisters, he simply insisted he was bored of just sitting around and needed to keep moving.
But now he was actually bored of pretending to go to the bathroom with no success of seeing Nesta. Cassian sighed as he stared out the glass window and watched the green scenery roll by as dusk fell. Rhys and Az were still in casual conversation with Feyre and Elain...but Cassian’s anxiousness over seeing Nesta prevented him from paying any attention to them.
Cassian glanced down at his watch. It was nearly an hour since he last left the compartment and probably about two hours until they reached Hogwarts. He supposed he could go ahead and change into his robes now before the mad dash of students going to the bathroom.
Grabbing his robes from his suitcase and stepping out of the compartment, he slowly turned his head from the left to the right, searching for any sign of a prefect.
And there was none. Cassian groaned before turning left and headed to the bathroom.
Once he put on his new robes, he left the bathroom and wandered down the corridor past his compartment. Every prefect had a shift to patrol the corridor. Surely, with two hours to go, Nesta would be out here.
As he casually walked along, he eventually stopped in between two compartments and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms against his chest with the clothes he had just changed out of draped over one of his arms. He might as well just wait for her to show up...and then she could scold him for hanging around in the passageway.
And so he waited.
And waited.
And then finally…
“Get back in your compartment!” a familiar voice reprimanded him from his right. Cassian turned up his head at her and smiled brightly. There Nesta stood, with her familiar stormy eyes and her stern expression. Her light pink lips glowed against her sun-kissed skin, and her braid crown made her seem angelic despite her irritated expression. Had she somehow become more beautiful over the summer or had he simply misremembered her beauty?
Nesta held up her wand and directed it at him.
“But I’m rather enjoying this view,” Cassian said with a smirk as he stared at her intently.
“Go back to your compartment and look at the scenery outside the window if you’re looking for a view,” Nesta suggested in a steely tone.
“But this view is so much prettier,” he said, still grinning and still intently staring at her. He could count the few small freckles on her nose.
(There were seven.)
A light pink blush briefly covered Nesta’s cheeks, and upon seeing it, Cassian longed to have many opportunities where he could make her blush.
“Is that the same line you used to get Holly Langforden to jump in a broom closet with you?” Nesta asked drily.
At first, Cassian frowned. But the fact that she even remembered who she caught him in a broom closet with…
“No. But does it make you want to jump in a broom closet with me?”
“Absolutely not,” she answered coldly. “Why don’t you go find her compartment anyway and see if that line works? Isn’t she your girlfriend?”
“You sure seem interested in my love life. Are you jealous?” he smirked at her.
“Any woman that takes your attention away from me has both my gratitude and my sympathy,” she stated snobbily.
Cassian frowned again. “Well, for your information, I broke up with her before the summer,” he replied.
“What a shame for me. But a relief for her at least.”
“You know you missed me this summer, Archeron. Admit it,” he teased her, but secretly hoped she actually did miss him as much as he missed her.
“I did not miss being annoyed by you one bit. Now get back to your compartment,” Nesta prodded his upper arm with her wand, gesturing for him to get a move on.
Cassian gradually started moving, and Nesta followed him to ensure he returned to his compartment.
As Cassian slid open the door to his compartment, he heard Nesta let out a small gasp behind him.
“Nesta!” Elain shouted upon seeing her behind him.
Cassian took his seat and looked back to Nesta to find her frowning more deeply at him as well as Rhys and Az.
“What are you doing sharing a compartment with my sisters?” she asked in an annoyed tone.
“Nesta, they needed a place to sit!” Elain tried to explain, but Nesta just continued to stare intently at Cassian.
Stars, he loved her eyes even when they glowered at him.
“Nes, there was nowhere else for us to sit, except for the aisle, where I would’ve gotten run over by the trolley,” Cassian stated.
“That sounds like it would’ve been the perfect place for you to sit,” Nesta spat. “And don’t call me Nes!”
“Well, maybe it would’ve been the perfect spot because you could’ve found me in the aisle and scolded me for being there, and I could’ve seen your beautiful face much sooner,” Cassian said as he winked at her.
Elain and Feyre giggled at his comment and looked up at Nesta expectantly, wanting to see how she would respond. Rhys and Az’s eyes widened in amusement at his comment.
The seam of Nesta’s lips remained in a straight line across her face, clearly unimpressed with his reply. “You better not have corrupted my sisters.”
“Nesta!” Feyre exclaimed. “They have done no such thing.”
“You’ve brain-washed them already, I see,” Nesta said, still not removing her eyes from Cassian’s. Feyre sighed out of frustration.
“Nesta, here’s your book. It was in my bag,” Elain said, changing the subject as she dug through her sack and pulled out a book to give to Nesta.
As Nesta accepted the book, Cassian noticed it was a Potions textbook.
And that could mean…
“Nesta, are you taking Potions this year?”
Nesta didn’t deign to verbally respond to him. Instead, she just firmly nodded.
“Perhaps, we’ll share a Potions class then,” Cassian added. 
Nesta let out a frustrated sigh. “I’ll see you two later,” Nesta said with a look to her sisters. Then turning to him, Rhy and Az, she gave them a cold look. “Don’t you dare corrupt them.”
Nesta turned and left the compartment, ignoring her sisters’ protests at her statement.
Cassian could only sigh contentedly at having seen Nesta. Despite her insults, his heart was pumping wildly within him.
He’d never had such a reaction over simply talking to a girl before.
If his summer of daydreaming of her wasn’t enough, this was further proof that Nesta was...different. Special. Someone he wanted to spend time with and not just snog in broom closets like some of the other girls.
Cassian suddenly discovered Rhys and Az staring at him.
“What?”
“That look on your face...I’ve never seen that look on your face before,” Rhys said.
“What look?”
“Like you’re hopelessly in love,” Az piped in.
Elain and Feyre squealed with delight hearing this.
Well, he wasn’t sure if he was in love with her, but he certainly wanted to get to know her better.
“Are you going to ask her out?” Elain asked excitedly.
“Soon. But please don’t say anything to her,” Cassian coolly replied before turning to stare out the window, thinking about possible ideas for what he and Nesta could do for their first date.
----------------
It took Cassian three weeks to figure out what he and Nesta could do for their date.
The date of the first Hogsmeade trip had been announced, which was a little less than two weeks from now. It was the perfect place for a first date, considering there were plenty of shops to explore as well as places to eat together. It was an excellent opportunity for them to really get to know each other.
Now he just actually had to ask her to go with him and hope she would accept.
The two of them indeed ended up having the same Potions class, which occurred twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And every class, Cassian made sure to talk to her and always slip in some sort of comment about how beautiful she was, causing her to blush each time before she told him she had to get to working on the assigned potion and suggested he go do the same.
At least she didn’t angrily tell him to go away. And to Cassian, that was progress. Perhaps she was slowly succumbing to his charm.
But today was the day he would finally ask her to go out with him.
And as luck would have it, their Potions professor announced he did not have enough ingredients for everyone to make an individual potion that day and they would all have to work with a partner instead. Typically, students worked with a fellow housemate, but this class just so happened to have an odd number of Gryffindors and an odd number of Slytherins….
Cassian couldn’t help but grin to himself as he dashed over to the table Nesta was standing at.
“Nesta, will you be my partner?” Cassian asked casually.
Nesta quickly scanned the room and saw everyone else had paired off already. “Well I guess I have no other choice.” She immediately opened up the textbook to the page that listed the potion directions and began walking around the room to gather all the ingredients.
She didn’t get angry or upset over being his partner.
Progress.
But now...Cassian had to do the actual asking her out on a date part, and that sent his heart racing.
This never happened with any of the other girls he’d asked out...except for maybe the first time he ever asked a girl out. But ever since then, asking girls out came easily to him and he never got worked up over it.
But now…
Cassian didn’t understand what was wrong with him.
“Well, don’t just stand there,” Nesta reprimanded him as she appeared at his side and set down a multitude of vials and jars. “Be useful.”
Cassian immediately picked up the textbook and read aloud the first instruction to her. Nesta listened to his words, picking up the jar of powdered moonstone and dumping it into the cauldron that sat on the table before them.
“What next?” Nesta asked.
“Uh, then add three spoonfuls of honeywater,” he said a bit shakily. His nerves were getting to him.
Nesta eyed him suspiciously. “Are you sure that’s what it says? You don’t sound confident.”
He just needed to ask her out and get this over with.
“Yes, three spoonfuls of honeywater,” he reiterated.
Nesta pulled the cork out of the vial of honeywater, then picked up the spoon and began pouring the honeywater onto it, hovering over the top of the cauldron before adding the first spoonful to their concoction.
“Uh, Nesta…” Cassian began, his heart feeling like it would burst through his chest at any moment. He wondered if she could hear it.
“Hmm?” Nesta was focused on putting the second spoonful into their potion and began working on the third.
“Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?”
Nesta’s eyes widened and she immediately looked away from her spoon to look up at him. “Excuse me?”
“Would you like to go on the Hogsmeade trip that’s coming up...with me ?” he said, not really sure what else she was looking for him to say.
“Like a date?”
“Yes.”
“Are you serious?” she questioned him incredulously. “Is this some kind of joke?”
“Yes, I’m serious. No, it’s not a joke,” Cassian instantly insisted. “I honestly want to take you out on a date.”
“Darn it,” Nesta exclaimed upon realizing she had still been pouring honeywater onto the spoon, causing it to overflow and spill into their cauldron. “Look what you made me do! Now our potion will probably come out wrong,” she said in a frustrated tone as she put down the vial and the spoon. “You and your games,” she muttered.
“Nesta, I’m sorry. This isn’t a game. I truly want to go with you to Hogsmeade,” Cassian explained.
“Why?”
“Because I want to spend time with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I like you, and I want to get to know you better.”
Nesta’s eyes widened even more at his confession, and she said nothing as she fumbled around for something, anything it seemed, on the table.
“So will you honor me with your presence and go to Hogsmeade with me?” Cassian asked again.
“I can’t. Someone else already asked me to go with him,” Nesta explained softly.
Her response brought Cassian a flood of emotions. First, fury because who in the world dared to ask Nesta to Hogsmeade before him? Second, sadness because he wasn’t going to be able to go to Hogsmeade with her. Third, hope...because Nesta didn’t outright deny wanting to go out with him. She simply said she could not go because of another date…
“Who?” Cassian wondered.
“Tomas Mandray.”
“Tomas Mandray?” Cassian exclaimed in disgust, his mouth dropping open. “That piece of Slytherin scum?!”
“He is not a piece of scum,” Nesta stated sternly. “And in case you’ve forgotten, I’m a Slytherin too.”
“I know. I didn’t mean you were scum...just that he himself was the Slytherin type of scum,” Cassian explained awkwardly.
Nesta simply shook her head, completely perplexed. “Let’s get back to the potion,” she said.
“Will you go out with me some other time then?” Cassian blurted out, ignoring her request.
“Did you make some bet that you could get me to go on a date with you or what?” Nesta questioned him, her voice quickly returning to its irritated tone. “Or maybe you just wanted to see if you could get my hopes up by asking me on a date and then stand me up for fun.”
“No, Nesta,” Cassian said urgently as he put down the textbook on the table. He grabbed her hands and stared into her eyes. “This isn’t a game or a joke or a bet. I honestly want to go out with you.”
Nesta took a deep breath as she stared back at him. “I don’t believe you,” she said softly.
“What can I do to prove it to you?” Cassian pleaded quietly.
“Well, it doesn’t really matter, does it? I’m going out with Tomas and who knows...Maybe it will lead to more dates,” Nesta said simply as she pulled her hands out of his grasp.
How could he not have asked soon enough? The Hogsmeade date was only announced just the day before...
Damn Tomas Mandray.
The man was a complete and utter dolt and a total snob. Him and Cassian had never gotten along, so they’d always kept their distance from each other.
Crestfallen, Cassian simply lifted up the textbook once more and began to read off the directions in a monotone voice.
Nesta followed his instructions perfectly.
But there was no teasing, no playful bickering, no insults.
They didn’t say anything to each other with the exception of the reading of the instructions.
And it just didn’t feel...right to him. For them to be like this.
After having gotten his hopes up about a date with Nesta...he felt so disappointed. What was he supposed to do now?
At the end of class, they parted ways without a word to each other.
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Cassian spent the days leading up to the Hogsmeade trip moping around. Even Rhys and Az called him out in it.
“You’re seriously this depressed that a Slytherin can’t go out with you? Let alone one who’s been moody and vicious to you?” Rhys had asked him one afternoon upon seeing him just lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling instead of venturing outside like he usually would have done.
“There’s more to her than that cold exterior,” Cassian had told him calmly.
When he had seen Nesta during their next few Potions classes, he still acknowledged her...he just didn’t really talk to her or tease her like he would’ve done previously.
And it just felt...strange. Like the joy of going to class was gone.
He’d been rejected before. That was nothing new.
But he had spent so many months longing for a date with Nesta...that for it to not happen was...heartbreaking.
And now the day of the Hogsmeade trip was here, and he still felt grumpy over the whole thing. He didn’t bother trying to find another date. He considered no longer going, but Rhys and Az managed to drag him along anyway.
They found themselves a table at the Three Broomsticks, and each had a pint of butterbeer before them.
“Do you think he’s going to take her Madam Puddifoot’s?” Cassian suddenly wondered aloud.
Az and Rhys gave him a bewildered look. “What are you talking about?” Rhys asked.
“Tomas and Nesta. Do you think he’s going to take her to Madam Puddifoot’s?” Cassian replied. “He probably is...he would do something completely unoriginal,” he muttered bitterly.
Az and Rhys sighed. “Cassian, you’ve got to stop thinking about this,” Az said.
“I can’t.”
“This isn’t even a breakup,” Rhys stated. “Just let it go.”
Cassian ran a hand through his hair. “It isn’t that simple.”
“What kind of hold does this girl have on you? You’ve never had this problem before with other girls.”
Cassian sighed as he slumped in his seat. “I don’t know.”
As he took another sip of butterbeer, he couldn’t help but wonder if Nesta was sipping a beverage just as sweet at the tea shop.
----------------
Today marked an important day for Nesta.
It was not only her first date with Tomas Mandray, but her first date...ever.
During her years at Hogwarts, she mostly kept to herself, not really wanting to deal with anyone else...or having the patience to really. She preferred the company of books over others, so she didn’t exactly have friends...just her sisters.
At times she felt perfectly content to spend most of her time alone and independently.
But there were times where she felt...utterly alone. Like no one cared or noticed her.
She was shocked when Tomas approached her in the Slytherin common room the other week to ask her to go to Hogsmeade with him. For once, someone actually noticed her…
Tomas was handsome and of good breeding. He came from a wealthy and highly-regarded family. His father worked in the Ministry of Magic...a connection that could potentially benefit Nesta in her future dream career, considering she wanted to work in the Department of International Magical Cooperation. Tomas was also intelligent and cunning...Overall, very respectable.
And the complete opposite of the long, dark-haired Gryffindor who had spent the past few years annoying her and teasing her.
Nesta shook her head. She shouldn’t be wasting time thinking about him.
Especially when she was currently trying to listen to Tomas rattle about his quidditch accomplishments from across the table.
From her walk with Tomas to Hogsmeade to their arrival at Madam Puddifoot’s, they shared light conversation. Even though they were in the same year and same house, they didn’t know each other too well.
...Yet Tomas seemed to only really care that she get to know him well. He hardly asked anything about her.
But she continued to listen. She figured he probably was just nervous.
As soon as she took her last sip of tea, Tomas abruptly grabbed hold of her hand. “Let’s get out of here.” Pulling her away from the table, he whisked her out of the tea shop.
When they stepped outside, Tomas wrapped his arm around her, letting his hand rest at her waist and pulled her closer to him.
Nesta’s body tensed as he did so, feeling slightly alarmed that such touching was happening so soon, so quickly. She wasn’t used to affection from family to begin with, let alone with someone she didn’t know terribly well.
He led her through the crowds, then turned down an alleyway that was between Madam Puddifoot’s and another shop. It was empty, but the hustle and bustle of the students could still be heard. Opening up a door at the back of Madam Puddifoots, Tomas pulled her inside, where there were shelves of various teas. Clearly, it was a storage room for the tea shop.
As soon as he closed the door behind them, Tomas yanked her close to him. “Nesta, you are...so beautiful,” he remarked huskily as he cupped her face and quickly tilted his head down to capture her lips in a fierce kiss.
Stunned, Nesta could not move away. This wasn’t how it happened in the books she read. Usually, the characters knew each other at least a bit before they kissed. She wasn’t ready for this. She hardly knew him.
Her heart was pounding as he leaned in for another kiss, moving one of his hands to her thigh against her leggings beneath the fabric of her skirt. When his other hand started playing with the waistband of her skirt, threatening to tug it down, the movement startled her enough that she no longer felt frozen. Regaining her senses, she firmly stepped away from him before he could kiss her once more. “No,” she stated forcefully.
Tomas gave her a peculiar look, but then a grin spread across his face. “Oh, you want to find a place that’s more comfortable? I know a spot…” he remarked as he reached to grab her hand.
But Nesta quickly stepped back once more so she was out of his reach. “No,” she reiterated emphatically as she crossed her arms. She wished she’d brought her wand with her so she could blast him away from her. “I don’t want to snog you, nor do I want to sleep with you, you disgusting pig.”
Tomas’ eyes narrowed at her and stared at her for a moment, taking a few deep breaths as he did so. Then, he suddenly started towards the door, roughly brushing against her shoulder as he passed. “Then what else are you fuckin’ mudbloods even good for?” he angrily remarked before leaving the room and rejoining the crowds of students.
Nesta watched him through the open door as he left the alleyway.
Fury raged through her at the words he just said, at him being an egotistical jerk, at herself for not recognizing him as the jerk he was and for foolishly believing that he could ever honestly like a girl like her. She’d been so terribly stupid and felt so...used.
But part of her believed the words he said of her. What else was she good for? She’d never been the friendliest or the kindest person. She kept to herself most of the time and came from a family of no special importance. She was a nobody...someone who wasn’t worth caring about.
And even though she strived to become someone more, someone worthy of admiration...there was always something that pulled her back from such delusions.
Before she could stop them, tears slowly started to fall from her eyes.
----------------
After Cassian sipped his last bit of butterbeer, he looked up at his friends with a miserable expression. “I think I’m going to head back to the castle. I’m not in the mood to walk around.”
“No, Cassian, we’ll head to Zonko’s,” Rhys said. “You always have fun looking around there.”
Cassian sighed. It was true. He always enjoyed seeing the many prankster items at Zonko’s...but he simply was not in the mood for it this time.
“Not today,” he replied. “I’ll see you guys later.”
Rhys and Az looked at him with concern as he got up from the table and walked out of the Three Broomsticks.
Upon stepping outside into the cool autumn air, he took a deep breath. He wished he could enjoy the day with his friends...but he just...couldn’t.
As he weaved his way through the many gleeful students, his mind wandered, causing him to lose focus on his surroundings. In his daze, he accidentally bumped into one student’s shoulder, nearly knocking her to the ground.
When he turned his head to look at the girl, he realized it was none other than Nesta.
...who happened to be alone.
“Nesta!” Cassian exclaimed, and she tilted her head up to look at him. “I’m so sorry!”
Her eyes widened upon seeing him, and Cassian could see they were red-rimmed...as if she had been crying.
“You should...watch where you’re going,” Nesta remarked weakly. There was no sharp bite to her reprimand.
It was so unlike her.
She turned to walk away, but Cassian was quick to reach out and grab her hand, stopping her in her tracks. “Nesta, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said without looking at him. Instead, she continued to stand still with her eyes focused on the ground. “May I go now?” she asked, feeling annoyed.
He felt she would’ve yanked her hand out of his grip by now, but she didn’t.
“Did Tomas hurt you?” he asked, his voice tinged with anger. “Do I need to hex him?”
“If you do, I’ll have to deduct points from Gryffindor.”
Cassian released a frustrated sigh. “If he hurt you, then that doesn’t matter to me. What happened?”
“Nothing,” she replied. “Let go of my hand.”
Cassian immediately released her hand. “Where are you going?”
“Back to the castle,” she said as she began to walk away from him.
Cassian started to follow her, quickening his pace to catch up to her. He said nothing when he reached her side, instead choosing to simply match her stride.
With a quick glance to him beside her, she frowned. “What are you doing?”
“Going back to the castle,” he answered.
“Why are you following me?”
“I’m not. I was already on my way back to the castle when I bumped into you,” he stated. “So we might as well walk back together.”
Nesta said nothing in response to that. Instead, she pointed her head forward and continued along the path.
They walked in silence for a little while, but that was beginning to drive Cassian crazy. First of all, she didn’t seem herself. He thought for sure she would put up a fight to him walking with her. Something was off, and he needed her to return to her true self.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out some goodies he had purchased at Honeydukes before he had gone to the Three Broomsticks. “Do you want a chocolate frog? They’re your favorite, right?”
Nesta crossed her arms across her chest as she walked. “And how would you know they’re my favorite?”
Cassian held out a chocolate frog as he shoved the other candies back into his pocket. “Last year, after a Defense Against the Dark Arts class where we faced boggarts, Elain brought chocolate frogs over to you at lunch to help you feel...less spooked.”
Nesta turned her head slightly to the side, and one of her eyebrows rose into an arch. “Have you been stalking me?”
Cassian shook his head. “That day, you just seemed so horrified by your boggart that I...just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Except you chose to do so from afar, instead of coming up to me yourself,” Nesta stated.
“As if you would have accepted any help from me,” Cassian insisted. “You probably would’ve insisted you were fine and then would announce you were deducting five points from Gryffindor for me thinking otherwise.”
After that comment, he could see the corners of her mouth threatening to twitch upwards, but she fought the smile. The near-smile made Cassian grin.
“It would have been ten points,” she admitted.
Cassian chuckled and stuck out his hand again, motioning for her to accept the chocolate frog.
Nesta eyed it warily. “Is this another one of your ways of trying to get girls to jump in a broom closet with you? Find them when they’re down, then offer them chocolate?”
“Do you think all I do everyday is try to convince girls to snog me?” he asked, offended that she thought of him this way.
“Considering how many times prefects find you snogging a girl in a broom closet, yes,” she answered firmly, still not taking the chocolate frog.
“So you’ve talked about me with the other prefects?” he said with a smirk.
Nesta rolled her eyes. “We always have to go over how we’re deducting points and who the biggest culprits are.”
“You’ve still talked about me,” he said with a smirk.
“Only about what a pain in the ass you are.”
“And yet who’s the one offering you some chocolate and being insulted?”
“I’m not in the mood for chocolate. Especially if it was rejected by all the other girls you probably tried to charm today,” Nesta sneered as they approached the Hogwarts castle.
This time, Cassian rolled his eyes. “It really is no surprise that you’re patronus is a puma. Always ready to pounce on my ego.”
Nesta stopped and faced him, her arms still crossed against her chest. Her eyes softened. “You remember what my patronus is?” she asked quietly.
Cassian halted and simply nodded back at her. “It’s pretty impressive. Its form is more distinct than anyone else in our year.” He watched as her face turned a light pink.
After a brief moment of silence, Cassian spoke again. “So if you aren’t in the mood for chocolate, what are you in the mood for?”
“Lunch,” she said with a sigh as she glanced down at her watch. “But it looks like we’re past the lunch service time in the Great Hall.”
“What do you want for lunch?”
Nesta eyed him skeptically. “What does it matter? We’ve missed lunch.”
Cassian nearly sighed. She always had to make things difficult. “What do you wish you could have had for lunch?”
Nesta shrugged. “Pancakes.”
“Then let’s go get you pancakes,” Cassian said eagerly.
“What are you talking about? Lunch is over. Plus, Hogwarts hardly even makes pancakes.”
“Please just trust me for once,” he said as he began walking to a castle entryway at a slow pace. He paused at the door and turned his head back toward Nesta, waiting for her to follow him.
Nesta stared at him for a minute. Her eyes were curious and unsure. But eventually she put her arms down at her sides and her feet inched forward to follow after him.
----------------
“I’ve never been here before,” Nesta commented as she stared at the room around her, filled with house elves wandering about with pots and pans.
“I’m usually starving after Quidditch practice, so I was determined to find the kitchens so I could come get a snack,” Cassian said.
One house elf ambled up to Cassian, lifting up a large plate of pancakes drizzled with syrup as far as she could reach, which was up to Cassian’s waist.
Cassian bent over to take the plate from her hands. “Thank you, Ollie,” he said graciously, then grabbed some utensils off a nearby counter. 
Beaming, Cassian looked over at Nesta. “Let’s go eat,” he announced before turning to leave the kitchens.
“We’re leaving?”
“Yes. This isn’t a proper place for us to eat.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a secret,” Cassian said, then turned back to her and found her looking quite annoyed and perplexed. “Just trust me again. I haven’t let you down yet,” he added as he waved the plate of pancakes around.
Again, she seemed hesitant, but resigned herself to follow him again.
----------------
The two of them headed to the staircase and kept walking further and further up. Nesta wondered if Cassian even had a set spot in mind to eat or if he was just on some hunt to find an area to sit. It wasn’t until they had reached the seventh floor that they got off the stairs and headed down a corridor.
Suddenly, Cassian stopped in front of a wall tapestry that depicted some wizard and trolls wearing ballet shoes. There weren’t any places to sit, nor were there any rooms nearby, causing Nesta to wonder...what the hell were they doing here.
Cassian turned to her and handed her the plate of pancakes and utensils. “Hold this for a minute.”
Nesta’s eyebrow rose out of curiosity as Cassian began to walk a few paces, then turned around to walk a few more paces, then turned around again to walk a bit more.
When she was about to question aloud what he was doing, a door suddenly appeared in the wall across from the tapestry.
What the…
Her eyes grew big when Cassian opened the door and gestured for her to enter before him. “After you.”
Eyeing him suspiciously, she slowly walked towards the door. Without stepping inside, she peeked her head into the room and found multiple shelves of books, a small table with two chairs, and a few couches. “What is this place?”
“It’s called the Room of Requirement. It only appears if someone has great need of it. And we are in great need of an area to sit and eat and enjoy ourselves.”
Carefully, Nesta stepped inside the room. There were so many shelves of books in the room, it looked like it was a library. She longed to see what books were there, but she knew her stomach was getting ready to growl any moment now. She needed to eat.
As she set the plate of pancakes down on the small table in the center of the room and sat down, Cassian took the seat across from her.
“So you just...picture the room you need as you walk back and forth in the corridor and then it will appear?” Nesta asked him.
“Basically,” Cassian answered, picking up the fork and digging into the pancakes.
Nesta picked up the other fork and took a stab into a fluffy flat cake. “Why did you want this type of room?”
Cassian swallowed the piece of food he was chewing, then opened his mouth to speak. “Well, you love libraries, don’t you? That’s where I always seem to find you outside of class.”
How was it that this boy before her seemed to know her so well? This boy that she always treated as if he was a pestering pixie?
Thinking back to the past few years, it was true that he occasionally found her at the Hogwarts library. He always had to come by her and caused some kind of commotion, either commenting on the book she was reading or the faces she was making as she was reading or some other inane topic. His talking with her always sent Madam Pince scurrying over to them to reprimand them and threaten to kick them out.
Nesta nodded in response to Cassian’s question as she took another bite of her pancake. “How did you did you discover this place?”
At her question, Cassian’s cheeks turned slightly pink and Nesta knew immediately that she had to know the answer to this question.
When Cassian remained silent, Nesta prodded him. “How?”
“Because I needed a broom closet,” he muttered.
Amusement flowed through her at his words. She smirked. “And why did you need a broom closet?” she asked. “Especially since there are so many others in the castle you could have used.”
“When I was in fifth year, there was this seventh-year girl from Ravenclaw who didn’t want to be caught by her friends snogging a fifth-year, and so I happened to talk to Ollie about it and she told me about this room.”
For some reason, the thought of Cassian bringing another girl here didn’t sit well with her.
But she pushed that hurt to the side and focused on the fact that she was justified in thinking that Cassian was always on the hunt for girls to snog in broom closets.
“Wow, an older woman,” she commented, managing to summon some enthusiasm. “Did you run out of new girls to snog from your own year? Excluding the Slytherins of course,” she was quick to note.
Cassian gave her a look that showed he wasn’t too pleased with her insinuation. “No.”
“Do you just prefer older women then?”
“That depends. When is your birthday?”
“November 1st,” she reluctantly answered in between chewing her pancake.
Cassian’s mouth spread into a wide grin as he stared intently at her. “Considering you’re about two months older than me, then yes, I’d say older women are my preference.”
Her cheeks suddenly felt very warm.
But was this just what Cassian did to all the girls? Make them feel like they were special, kiss them senseless, then drop them as if they were nothing? Was this just part of the usual charm he put on?
Suddenly no longer feeling hungry, Nesta put down her fork and got up to explore the books in the room.
Running her fingers along the spines of the books, she read through the titles. Spellbound After Midnight. Romancing the Womanizing Wizard. Charming the Enchantress.
They all appeared to be romance novels.
Her favorite.
None of the titles seemed familiar. When she was at home, she was only able to read muggle romance novels. The Hogwarts Library only contained a handful of non-school-related books, so to have shelves of unread romance novels written by witches and wizards before her was a complete thrill.
Pulling one book off the shelf, she made her way to the crimson couch on the other side of the room. Sitting down, she opened the book and began reading the first chapter.
A few pages in, she saw Cassian approach her out of the corner of her eye and proceed to plop down in the couch across from her.
When she turned the page, she could feel him staring at her.
A few more page turns later, she could still feel him staring at her.
Putting her book down in her lap, still opened to the page she was on, she looked up at him. “Don’t you want to read a book or something?” she questioned him in an irritated voice.
“I am perfectly content studying and memorizing the features of your face,” he answered.
Nesta rolled her eyes. “Stop lying.”
“I’m not lying,” he said as he continued to stare at her. “You’re beautiful.”
The same words Tomas had said to her earlier that day.
Was Cassian just like him, only more patient? Was he willing to spend more time trying to flatter her to get her to sleep with him?
But the way Cassian said those words was different compared to the way Tomas said them. Tomas’ tone made it sound like he was praising a prized object he was thrilled to have in his possession, while Cassian sounded like he was truly admiring her.
Of course, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was how he treated all the other girls he’d been with.
And yet, she remained here in this room with him, instead of bursting out as soon as she was fed. The fact that he remembered her patronus, her love of chocolates and reading...perhaps that’s what made her stay. What made her want to find out if Cassian spoke truthfully about wanting to get to know her better.
“Well, I can’t read if you’re staring at me.”
“I apologize,” he said, finally shifting his gaze over to a nearby shelf.
Nesta looked over to the shelves too and saw one was filled with games and puzzles instead of books. Closing her book and placing it beside her on the couch cushion, she stood up. “Are you up for a wizard’s chess match?”
Cassian grinned a little too mischievously. “Absolutely. Prepare to be beaten, Archeron.”
“We’ll see about that.”
----------------
“I demand a rematch,” Cassian insisted after Nesta had just shouted “Checkmate!” and smiled proudly at him. He was too competitive for his own good.
But he was also obsessed with the focus Nesta had during the game. As she analyzed the board and the pieces throughout, he could envision the cogs within her brain clinking together as she determined what to do next. From the way her lips would move slightly to the left when she was deep in thought to the way she would occasionally squint her eyes when looking at the board, Cassian was mesmerized. And then when she would make her move, she did so with such confidence and assuredness, it was captivating.
“We’ve already played three times,” Nesta, sitting on the floor on the opposite side of the chess board from him and completely clueless to the effect she had on him, pointed out. “Can your ego simply not take being beaten by a girl?”
“No. I just want to learn how to play like you. How did you learn to play like that?”
“My father taught me how to play muggle chess when I was young,” Nesta revealed. The expression on Nesta’s face turned glum, causing Cassian to frown.
“What’s wrong? What did I say?” he immediately asked, nervous that he was ruining this moment with her.
Nesta shook her head. “It’s nothing. It’s just…” she trailed off.
“Go on,” Cassian encouraged her gently.
“My father...made some bad investments and ran his business into the ground a few years ago. He hasn’t been the same since.”
“How so?”
Nesta took a shaky breath. “It’s like he’s lost the will to live. He hasn’t even bothered trying to find another job. He doesn’t even want to take care of our family, nor does he really care to hear from us. Thankfully, we have Hogwarts to come to for most of the year…”
Cassian’s frown grew deeper. He was aware that their mother had passed away long before she came to Hogwarts. That meant they only had their father to provide for them…
“What does that mean? What happens during the summers?”
“Feyre managed to get lucky this past summer and got a job at a nearby grocery store thanks to a friend. Elain and I have had trouble getting jobs since we can only work during the summers, but sometimes the neighbors will pay for us to do chores for them around the house. We get by,” she shrugged.  
Cassian stopped himself from letting his mouth drop open in shock. “What happens to your father when you’re here at Hogwarts?”
“Our neighbors help take care of him.”
Cassian shook his head. “Nesta, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. If I had known…”
Nesta held up her hand and cut him off. “Stop it, Cassian. There is no need to beat yourself up for it.”
Cassian stared at her, sadness filling his heart. The whole summer, he had been obsessing over her and thinking of her nearly everyday. Meanwhile, she’d been trying to...survive.
“If it’s any consolation...my father walked out on me and my mother shortly after I was born. He went to be someone else’s husband and father. And then my mother passed away a few years later,” Cassian revealed quietly.
Nesta glanced up at him with sympathetic eyes. “I’m sorry, Cassian,” she whispered.
“I didn’t mean for you to feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to know that...you’re aren’t alone in having an...awful dad.”
“It’s nice to know there’s someone...who understands,” she said gently.
Cassian gave her a small smile. “It is,” he agreed. His breathing slowed as he stared into her eyes and Nesta stared back in silence. He wished he could lean forward and kiss her, but he still couldn’t tell just yet if she liked him or not.
Suddenly, Nesta broke their staring contest “Let’s play another game,” she said abruptly as she stood up to walk past him and look at the shelf of games. “How about Exploding Snap?”
“How about Truth or Dare?” Cassian suggested instead, twisting his body to look up at her from his spot on the ground and smirk at her. Maybe he could better figure out Nesta’s feelings during such a game.
Nesta scowled at him.
“Too scared to play?” he teased her.
She crossed her arms against her chest. “Fine. Truth or dare?”
Cassian thought for a moment. “Truth.” Nesta clasped her hands behind her back as she strolled about the room, looking again at all the books that surrounded them. “How many girls have you brought to this room, including me?”
“One.”
Nesta halted her steps to look back at Cassian sitting on the floor. She looked completely bewildered. “I said ‘including me.’”
“I know,” he said. “It’s only been you.”
“But the seventh-year Ravenclaw - ”
“I ended up not bringing her here after realizing I shouldn’t be with someone who’s ashamed to be seen with me.”
“Wow, so you actually have standards,” she remarked.
Choosing to let her comment slide, he resumed their game. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare,” she instantly said.
There wasn’t much that could be done to embarrass someone when you’re playing in a secret room with no other people around. And he certainly didn’t want to leave the room just yet for risk of ruining this time with Nesta. Just the two of them had been...pleasant. “I dare you to give me a compliment.” He looked at her devilishly.
Nesta took a deep breath and squinted her eyes, while in deep thought.
“Any day now,” Cassian pressed her when she remained quiet for over a minute.
“My apologies. It’s hard to think of something,” she said casually as she sauntered around him.
Looking unimpressed, Cassian crossed his arms against his chest and waited.
And waited.
“I suppose…” Nesta began. “You’re not terrible at Quidditch.”
“That was barely a compliment,” Cassian complained. But the fact she had paid attention to him playing quidditch was...intriguing.
“But a compliment, nonetheless. Truth or dare?” she quickly questioned him.
Cassian pouted. “Truth,” he grunted.
“How many girls have you kissed since being back at school this year?”
Cassian perked up his head. “Why do you care about that?”
“I’m not required to tell you why I’m asking a question.”
Such an infuriating, stubborn girl, this one…
And yet, he knew that was partially why he liked her so much.
“Zero,” he answered emphatically.
Nesta stopped and whipped her head in his direction. “Really?”
Cassian nodded. “Really.”
“I’m shocked. We’ve been back for over a month now, and you haven’t kissed anyone?”
“Nope,” he said as he got up off the floor and started walking towards her.
It had actually been over four months since he’d kissed a girl.
Because there was only one girl he wanted to kiss...
“I figured you would’ve kissed at least one girl a week.”
“Guess you don’t know me as well as you thought,” he stated as he leaned against the bookshelf right beside her.
“Or you’re losing your charm,” she retorted, crossing her arms against herself as she tilted her head up at him.
Dramatically, Cassian put his hand over his heart. “You wound me,” he cried out.
Nesta rolled her eyes.
“But you do admit then that at some point, I was charming?” he eagerly replied.
“No, I misspoke. I think the girls have finally realized you never had charm to begin with.”
Cassian smirked. “You admitted I was charming.”
Nesta groaned. “Stop gloating. I pick ‘dare,’ by the way.”
“I dare you to tell me why you want know how many girls I’ve kissed and how many I’ve brought to this room.”
“That’s not a real dare! That’s a ‘truth’ disguised as a dare,” she yelled at him.
“You didn’t give me a true compliment!” Cassian shouted back.
“Ugh, fine.” Nesta sighed. “I’m just trying to see if…”
“If…?” Cassian encouraged her to go on.
“If I’m just...one of the many,” Nesta finished quietly.
Cassian’s gaze lost its cheeky amusement. “Nesta,” he said as he stood upright and grabbed her hands. “You are not just one of the many. I spent nearly every day of my summer thinking about you. I’ve never brought a girl to the kitchens before. There’s not even a girl I’ve probably talked to as much as you, with all the times we’ve teased each other over the years.”
Nesta stared up at him thoughtfully.
And then Cassian’s stomach chose that precise moment to grumble.
Effectively ruining the moment.
Nesta pulled her hands away from him and looked down at her watch. “I guess it’s already dinnertime…”
“I guess we should head off to eat with the other students in the Great Hall then…” Cassian said, hating himself for saying it, not wanting their time together to end. He’d much rather eat with her alone again.
“I guess we should,” she stated reluctantly.
“But I don’t really want to,” he admitted.
“I don’t...really want to either,” she agreed.
It felt like his stomach did somersaults when he heard her say those words. Beaming, he held out his hand in invitation for her to grab it again. “To the kitchens, then?”
And with a demure smile, she grasped it tightly, permitting him to lead the way. “To the kitchens.”
----------------
It was when they made their way down the many staircases that an idea came to Cassian for where he and Nesta could eat their dinner. It just required a few more items…
When they had arrived at the kitchens, he had instructed Ollie to prepare two dinner meals to-go and told Nesta to wait for him there while he retrieved a few things from his room.
As he rushed back to the kitchens, he only prayed that she had indeed stayed in the kitchens and wasn’t having seconds thoughts about eating dinner with him.
Finally - finally - he had gotten some sort of sign that maybe - just maybe - she liked him back.
Or could potentially like him.
Or at least liked him enough to spend more time with him.
...If she didn’t back out.
The thought pushed him to move his feet even faster, nearly tripping over himself as he passed all the chattering witches and wizards within the various portraits along the walls.
Out of breath and bearing a blanket and a cloak, he couldn’t help but smile when he saw Nesta still waiting for him, holding a basket that he bet contained the food prepared by the house-elves.
“You have the food?” he asked to confirm.
Nesta gave him a firm nod.
“Let’s go,” he stated, beginning to walk out of the kitchens.
“Is this another secret?” Nesta asked as she followed him.
“You bet,” Cassian exclaimed with a wink back at her.
This time, she didn’t look hesitant and unsure. Instead, she seemed...intrigued and eager.
More progress.
Once they went up the staircase and reached the ground level, Cassian leisurely strolled alongside Nesta and guided her outside through one of the castle’s doors
“We’re going outside?” Nesta wondered. “I don’t have my - ”
“I got you covered,” Cassian cut her off, knowing she was going to say she didn’t have her cloak or jacket. He halted his steps. “Hold this,” he instructed as he handed her the blanket. He then unfurled the cloak within his arms and hooked it around Nesta’s shoulders.
Seeing her wear his cloak made her look even more attractive to him.
Why did he do this to himself…
She seemed grateful for the gesture...until she tilted her head down to look closer at the cloak she was wearing and grimaced.
“What?”
“It has the silly Gryffindor emblem on it,” she noted before looking up at him. “But I suppose I will survive wearing it just for one night…” She finished with a soft smile.
Cassian chuckled as he took the blanket out of her arms. “I sure hope so.”
As they resumed their walk, a gentle, cool breeze blew past them. With his free hand, Cassian grabbed Nesta’s free one and eagerly led her down the slope toward the Great Lake. He beamed when she tightened her grasp on his hand.
The sun was just beginning to set over the lake waters. Once they were near the edge of the lake, Cassian let go of her hand to lay down the blanket. Nesta promptly set down the basket of food and sat down upon the blanket. Cassian followed suit.
Upon opening the basket, they found a delectable meal of roast beef, mashed potatoes, peas, treacle tart for dessert and bottles of pumpkin juice.
As they dug into their meal, they watched the sun descend over the glistening waters.
“It’s beautiful,” Nesta commented softly.
Cassian inclined his head toward hers. “Not as beautiful as you,” he whispered.
Nesta groaned. “You really need some new material.”
“Well everything about you is impossible to properly compliment,” he said in his smooth-talking voice. “You are simply indescribable.”
Nesta rolled her eyes and shook her head back and forth as she swallowed some potatoes. “Good grief, you are so...ridiculous!”
“I think what you meant to say was ‘Cassian, you are so ridiculously handsome, and I can’t imagine spending this beautiful night with anyone else.’”
“‘Can’t imagine spending the beautiful night with anyone else?’”  she exclaimed incredulously. “I certainly can! If I was here with Hugh Grisman from Hufflepuff, he’d be too frightened to talk.”
Despite being thwarted of being given a compliment from Nesta once more, Cassian’s eyes still contained a hint of amusement.
“Or, imagine if I was here with Lawrence Milton from Ravenclaw. He would be going on and on about all the science behind the sun,” Nesta joked as she turned her gaze upward.
“Imagine if you were here with Walton Azley from Gryffindor,” Cassian piped in. “He’d probably try to convince you to go walking through the water with him in search of some obscure magical creature.”
Nesta chuckled, and it was a sound that Cassian wished he could hear over and over again. He started laughing with her.
“If I was with Artemis Braxton, he’d probably charm me with his singing voice and sweep me in arms to -”
“Okay, I think that’s enough,” Cassian sternly interjected and stopped laughing. While Artemis Braxton was a famous singer who would likely never be on a date with Nesta, the thought of someone else wooing her and wrapping his arms around her sent jealousy running through him.
From the way Nesta smirked at him, he could tell she was well aware how that image made him feel.
“You have no right to get in a huff about this,” she said rather calmly. “Especially since you’ve probably been here with - ”
“I haven’t been on a picnic with any other girl,” Cassian was quick to reply. “It’s only been you,” he stated earnestly.
The smug grin vanished from her face. Instead, she looked pensively down at her food as she ate.
Cassian let out a slow breath he didn’t realize he was holding and resumed eating his peas, while Nesta continued to pick at her roast beef. The sun’s last remaining rays faded from the sky, and for a short while, they sat in silence and simply listened to the whistling of the wind.
But then, Cassian heard Nesta suddenly put her utensils down on the now empty plate in her lap. In the darkness, she focused her gaze down at the plate.
“Earlier today, Tomas...he just wanted me for sex,” she whispered. “And then when I rejected him, he said he didn’t know what fuckin’ mudbloods were even good for then.”
Rage flowed through Cassian’s body. He was livid, absolutely livid. His hands, which gripped his fork and his plate, began to tremble from his anger. Tossing the plate to the side, he hurriedly stood up off the ground.
He was going to pummel that piece of…
“Lumos,” he somehow heard Nesta say over the sound of his raging heartbeat. “Where are you going?” she asked angrily as she held out her lit wand so she could see him.
“I’m going to murder Mandray,” he stated seriously.
“No, you aren’t. Sit back down,” she ordered sternly. “Now.”
“You don’t deserve to be treated that way!” Cassian cried out, trying to make her understand. But when Nesta’s glare did not disappear, he begrudgingly sat back down on the blanket.
“You don’t need to be causing anymore trouble,” she said as she grabbed hold of his hand and intertwined their fingers. “If you become a murderer, I don’t want to have to see that handsome face of yours hidden behind the bars of Azkaban.”
Cassian suddenly sat up straight. “Did you just willingly compliment me?”
Nesta nodded. “Perhaps you should document this moment since it’s such a rare occurrence and probably won’t happen ever again.”
If he wasn’t so enraged, Cassian would’ve chuckled at her comment. “Can I at least hit him with the bludger multiple times during our next match against Slytherin?” he wondered aloud.
“Sure.”
He stared at her in the glow of her wand for a moment. “You’re really going to let him get away with this?”
“Of course not. In time, I will retaliate,” she remarked with a delighted sneer.
“Good,” he said with a conniving smile. “Let me know if you need any help.”
“You’ve already helped me enough today,” she said seriously and squeezed his hand. Nesta dropped her lit wand onto the picnic blanket, then began shifting her body so she was right beside him, her thigh grazing his. She rested her head on his shoulder. Cassian released her hand and instantly wrapped it around Nesta’s back to pull her closer. He inhaled her lavender scent and tried to calm his heartbeat that was racing from the excitement of being so close to her.
“Thank you, Cassian,” she said softly as she tilted her head up, her nose brushing briefly against his cheek. “For today,” she added.
“You’re welcome,” he whispered back.
Those eyes...they were like magnets. Always pulling him in and making him never want to remove his gaze.
And those luscious lips...they called to him. He wanted to kiss her so badly…
Slowly inching his face toward hers, Cassian took a deep breath, and he could see Nesta doing the same.
But suddenly, her eyes widened in shock and she shot up to her feet. “Oh no,” she gasped.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, feeling alarmed and standing up with her.
She glanced down at her watch. “I have to go. I completely forgot about my shift tonight to patrol some of the corridors.”
Hurriedly, she took the cloak off her body and handed it off to Cassian.
But she couldn’t leave. Not yet...not when they had come so far.
“Just forget about it. Don’t go,” he pleaded as he tossed his cloak to the ground and attempted to grab hold of Nesta’s wrist.
“I have to leave,” she said firmly, dodging his grasp as she picked up her wand. “Goodnight,” she said before rushing off to the castle door.
----------------
Despite Nesta’s abrupt departure, Cassian was in a state of elation for a while.
He had finally been on a date with Nesta. And now he couldn’t wait to ask her to go out on a second one.
Their time together was so...simple and quaint. But they were alone, and he had felt so relaxed around her. It was just...different from when he’d spent time with other girls. He didn’t have to feel like he was pretending to be someone else. She was someone who could relate to him and just...understand. Someone he could be vulnerable with.
Plus, he finally got to hear her admit he was handsome.
Then there was the fact they they held hands multiple times and she let him wrap his arm around her...signs that she didn’t truly despise his company. That she felt something for him in return.
For the evening after their date and the next couple of days, it was like he was in a daze. Rhys and Az wondered what was wrong with him. He kept humming to himself as he walked through the corridors of the castle, and he could hardly pay attention to what was going on around him. Every time he turned a corner, he kept hoping that Nesta would be there, happening to walk in his direction.
Alas, he wasn’t so lucky.
At meal times, he’d stretch out his neck to take a peek over at the Slytherin table, hoping he’d find her among the crowd and throw a wink her way. Maybe even offer to whisk her off to the kitchens again.
But he never saw her.
But when their Potions class on Tuesday was approaching, Cassian was ecstatic at the thought of finally seeing Nesta and asking her out again...with hopefully more success this time around. He even arrived to class fifteen minutes earlier with the hope that he could talk to her before class. And he never got to class early.
But she never showed up for class...which seemed so unlike her. He’d never known her to miss class.
So that afternoon, he decided to attempt to seek her out. He went to the library for a while, pretending to study as he periodically looked around for Nesta’s head bent over a book as he so often saw in the past.
But there was no sign of her.
On Wednesday afternoon, he hung around outside the entrance to the Slytherin dormitory for a while, thinking he could at some point catch her coming in or out. He ended up receiving a lot of dirty and suspicious looks from various Slytherins...none of them from the one he was looking for. When he saw one seventh-year Slytherin female leaving the dormitory, he blatantly asked her if Nesta was inside. The female frowned at him - seemingly perturbed that a Gryffindor was talking to her - and reluctantly informed him that she hadn’t seen her since that morning.
At least someone had seen her and he knew she was alive.
On Thursday, he was thrilled once more about going to Potions class, again getting to the class early, because surely Nesta wouldn’t miss two classes…
But once again, she never showed up.
And so Cassian’s euphoria began to dampen.
----------------
The night Nesta patrolled the corridors after her picnic with Cassian, she found it...terribly difficult to keep her mind off of him.
They had almost kissed and...she could not believe herself. If she didn’t remember her patrol shift, she probably would’ve let him.
The thought flustered her.
This was Cassian she was talking about. Cassian!
A boy who took every chance to annoy her, to tease her, to argue with her, to make sarcastic comments and innuendos to her constantly for the past several years.
It was ridiculous.
Her and him together...preposterous!
It simply didn’t make sense. He cared more about quidditch than studying for his N.E.W.T. exams. He didn’t come from a high social standing family that could help advance her career, which is what she had always pictured for herself.
She may have read tons of romance novels with grand gestures and declarations of love, but...she never pictured such things happening to her. Others had always considered her unkind, snobby, and unlikable. It’s what made it so hard for her to make friends.
So she never thought she’d ever be a part of a swoon-worthy scenario where a boy got her pancakes because she was hungry and took her to a room that he had transformed into one of her favorite places and then take her on a picnic by the lake.
Nesta groaned. She had admitted to herself that Cassian’s actions were swoon-worthy.
What had gotten into her? How could she let her barriers come down? She even started telling him about her issues with her father. She hardly even discussed such things with her sisters. And then he even opened up to her about his parents. She had never known that his father walked out on him…
No. She had to stop thinking about this. She needed to forget it. He had his date with her, he got what he wanted. Now, he would probably never want to hang out with her ever again.
To her both her displeasure and her pleasure, a visual of him and his silly smirking face formed in her mind as soon as she awoke Sunday morning.
And then when she went to brush her hair and put it in a braid crown, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have Cassian’s hands run through her hair.
Ugh. Why would she imagine such things?
Things that are not meant to be and should never happen.
She’d need to keep her distance from him for a little while. Give herself space to allow herself to forget about him.
(Even though part of her was also dying to see him again.)
So for the next few days, she spent most of her time in the Room of Requirement, which she figured no one else would be able to enter if it was in use. If she hung out in the library, she knew there was a chance she could run into him. And she certainly couldn’t eat her meals in the Great Hall, or she would see him. Luckily, Cassian had shown her how to get to the kitchens…
But unfortunately in her determination to not see him, she kept being reminded of him because she was going to the places he had introduced her to.
She still attended her classes, but when Tuesday rolled around, she just knew she couldn’t face him yet. She had to get herself together and build up her walls around her once more before she saw him again. So...for once in her life, she skipped class.
Then skipped for the second time in her life when it was time for Potions class on Thursday.
Because. She. Still. Could. Not. Get. Him. Out. Of. Her. Head.
She wanted to scream.
Every day, she thought of him and wished he was with her.
But then she would get frazzled and wonder why she felt this way.
Was she completely delusional? Was she sick? What was making her feel this way? Why couldn’t she just forget him already?
This was how she envisioned what being under the spell of a love potion would feel like.
A love potion...
Could he have possibly slipped her a love potion at some point?
That had to be it. There was just no way she would feel this way on her own accord.
But now she was fuming...over the fact that she couldn’t stop thinking about him on top of the possibility that he had slipped her a love potion.
Now she knew she needed to see him and get to the bottom of this madness once and for all.
She glanced down at her watch. It was roughly an hour before dinner. He could be anywhere...perhaps in his dormitory or at quidditch practice.
Quidditch practice.
Hurriedly, she grabbed her satchel to search for her notebook that contained schedules of classes, quidditch, clubs, and more for prefect purposes. Opening her notebook, she flipped through the pages to the one she was looking for.
Quidditch Practice - Thursdays
4:00pm - Ravenclaw
5:00pm - Gryffindor
Without even a second thought, she departed the Room of Requirement and headed straight to the quidditch pitch.
----------------
When she arrived, she indeed found the Gryffindor team huddled together on the ground, finishing up their practice.
With her arms crossed, she walked onto the field and leaned back against the barricade that separated the stands from the field. Her eyes found Cassian’s tall form in the distance immediately. His silky, dark hair was pulled back into a bun and his athletic wear made his muscles look more pronounced.
Nesta scolded herself and reminded herself to remain focused. She needed to confront Cassian and find out if he gave her a love potion. She just needed to wait a little bit, since she certainly didn’t want to make a scene in front of everyone else.
The Gryffindor team huddle broke apart, and when Cassian stepped away, his eyes instantly found hers and his face broke out in the widest grin she’d ever seen on anyone.
No, the smile did not make her weak in the knees.
She refused to let it.
...but failed.
Her whole plan had been to stomp over to him and make her frustrations known. Instead, he was now gleefully jogging toward her with his broom in his hand while the rest of the team dispersed, heading to the changing rooms.
Her body refused to move. Too frozen from that damn smile and the way he was currently looking at her.
“Nes,” he said when he approached. “Where have you been? Did something happen?” His voice was filled with concern, and his free hand neared her as if he was about to grab her hand.
She certainly could not allow that to happen. Lifting up her wand in her right hand, she jabbed its tip into the center of his chest to prevent him from going any further. “Stop it right there,” she angrily ordered. “And don’t ever call me Nes.”
Upon hearing her tone, Cassian frowned and outstretched his empty hand in confusion. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Nesta groaned and she jabbed the tip of her wand into his chest again. “I am not your sweetheart.”
“Ok, put your wand down,” Cassian requested, his voice sounding like he was trying really hard to control his temper. “And Nesta, please tell me what’s wrong? I’ve been worried about you. You missed class, and you never miss class -”
“No,” Nesta interrupted him, disregarding his request to put her wand down and instead tapping his chest with it. “No, you don’t get to say these things and act like you know me so well!”
“But I do know you,” Cassian said with traces of frustration and impatience. “At least a little! And I want to get to know you better!”
“Well, giving someone a love potion is a lousy way of showing that!” Nesta shouted back, and a look of complete and utter bewilderment covered Cassian’s face.
“What? You think I gave you a love potion?!” Cassian exclaimed. “I’ve done no such thing.”
“Don’t lie to me! Why else would I be feeling this way and constantly thinking about -” Nesta began to say, but abruptly stopped herself from saying anything more.
“Thinking about what? Me?” he questioned her, infuriated. “Is it so ridiculous to think you might actually like me that you assumed I must have used a love potion on you?”
Nesta slowly pulled her wand away from him and brought it down to her side as she stared at the ground, avoiding his gaze.
Cassian looked down at her peevishly. “I thought you knew me enough to know I would never do such a thing. I want to date you and be with you, but only if you truly want to be with me too. I loved spending time with you on Saturday, and it seemed like you enjoyed it too. But maybe you’re only accusing me of using a potion because you’re ashamed at the thought of liking me?”
Nesta kept staring at the ground beneath her feet, taking slow and steady breaths as she listened to Cassian’s hurt voice.
She gave him no reply.
“No denial, then?” he asked in a pained voice. “Well, I suppose I should at least be flattered that you think I’m smart enough to concoct a love potion that lasts for several days, when most only seem to last for less than twenty-four hours with one dose. Goodnight, Nesta,” he said gruffly before turning around and hurriedly marching off to the quidditch changing rooms.
Nesta lifted her head and watched him walk away.
This all wasn’t some game to him. She should’ve known that just based on all that he did for her on Saturday.
The anguish in his voice just now further proved it.
And hearing that anguish made her feel like she was crumbling on the inside.
Of course he didn’t use a stupid love potion. She had just been searching for any excuse at all to explain these feelings she had for him. Feelings of wanting to be with him and spend time with him and...kiss him.
She wasn’t ashamed to have these feelings. Sure, it was a shock to have them for him. But she was mostly...afraid.
Afraid of being hurt and betrayed because she had these feelings.
Why did she have to be so destructive?
When she saw Cassian enter the changing rooms, Nesta felt compelled to follow after him. She couldn’t leave things like that.
It was time for her to be honest both with him and herself. No more coming up with excuses.
With her robes flowing around her, she ran across the pitch to the changing rooms.
As she rushed toward them, many of the other Gryffindor players were walking out and gave her quizzical looks. But she had no time to care...not that she ever would have cared anyway.
When she burst into the room, out of breath, she was relieved to find Cassian was the only one in there. He stood before a locker, angrily removing his leg and arm guards.
“Cassian,” Nesta called out softly, causing Cassian to briefly glance up at her.
“Coming to get in one more insult because claiming I used a love potion wasn’t enough?” he questioned her bitterly.
“No,” she emphatically replied. “I… What’s wrong with your hand?” she suddenly asked when she noticed his knuckles were completely swelled up.
Cassian just shrugged. “Just...hit a locker,” he muttered before aggressively removing the glove off of his other hand.
Did he...punch a locker out of anger over her stupid words?
“Sit down and let me see it,” Nesta demanded as she gently pushed Cassian down on the bench in front of the locker and quickly grabbed hold of his wrist before he could protest. She sat next to him and lifted his hand to inspect his knuckles, then took out her wand and directed it at the injury.
“Glaciotious,” Nesta said and an icy coolness from her wand settled over the swollen area. “Are there bandages somewhere in here?”
Cassian shook his head. Nesta then took a quick glance around the room before glancing down at her own clothes. Letting go of Cassian’s hand, she untied the tie from around her neck and threw it on the bench beside her. “Linteumos,” Nesta stated as she directed her wand at it.
Before their eyes, her green and silver tie had transfigured into a long green and silver bandage. Picking it up, she brought it toward Cassian and gestured for him to stick out his hand once more.
He reluctantly did so, and Nesta placed her wand down on the bench and went about carefully wrapping the bandage around his knuckles.
“Nesta, what are you doing?” Cassian asked exasperatedly.
“Taking care of you,” she replied.
“Why?”
“Because I care about you,” she answered ardently as her fingertips grazed his skin, the touch sending goosebumps up her arm. “And that scares me,” she added in a whisper.
His eyebrows rose up in arches at her words. “Why does that scare you?”
She tied a knot in the bandage and gently set his arm back at his side. “Because I could get hurt.”
“What do you mean?” he asked as he stared at her intently.
“To care for someone and let them in and grow to love them...there’s the chance that one day they’ll just leave you or betray you or forget about you altogether.”
Just like my father, she nearly added.
But from the way Cassian looked at her sympathetically, she sensed that he knew what she almost said. He swung one of his legs over onto the other side of the bench so he could fully face her. Taking one of her hands within his uninjured one, he rubbed circles with his thumb into the back of it.
“And I know I’m not easy to...care about either. I have a tendency to push people away...so it’s just been easier to...isolate myself,” she added.
“Nesta, I can’t promise right now that we’ll be together forever, and neither can you, but I know that what I feel for you is different from what I’ve felt for any other girl,” Cassian explained fervently. “And I don’t want to waste any time in our final year here if we want to give this a shot. You just need to decide if you’re willing to take the risk.”
Nesta closed her eyes as he spoke, debating and thinking over what she should do.
Mere minutes ago, she nearly became distraught over seeing Cassian walk away from her. It wasn’t something she wanted to experience again. If they were together, there was the risk they would breakup and he would leave her. But if she decided right now not to go out with him again, he’d probably leave her alone completely...
The past few days since their unofficial date, she had missed him. Despite every effort to try to forget about him, she missed him too much. Perhaps, that was the real reason she felt the desire to go storming out onto the quidditch pitch today. She needed to see him.
But then she had cut him down with her insinuation of him using a love potion on her. It was how she shielded herself. Strike others down before they could hurt her.
However, this time, her strike against someone else also hurt her. She was already in too deep, so she might as well...try this out.
But she did so, she needed to apologize.
She opened her eyes and stared back at him. “I’m sorry I accused you of giving me a love potion.”
An amused smile took over Cassian’s face. “I will only accept your apology if you tell me what you meant when you said you were feeling a certain way and constantly thinking about something?”
Nesta rolled her eyes. “Isn’t it obvious how I feel at this point?”
“I want to hear you say it. You’ve already heard me tell you a few times how I feel about you. It’s time to return the favor.”
“Fine,” she said dramatically and squeezed his hand. “Despite you being a persistent and arrogant and demanding dolt, I like you and I like spending time with you.”
Cassian gloated and squeezed her hand in return. “And what have you been constantly thinking about?”
Nesta sighed again. “You and how much I want to kiss that stupid grin off of your face.”
Cassian’s eyes grew big and his mouth dropped open.
Good. Just the reaction she was looking for. She smugly smiled at him as she leaned closer to him.
“So does this mean you’ll take the risk and go out with me?” Cassian questioned her, his breath tickling her nose.
Nesta scrunched up her nose upon smelling a foul stench. He still hadn’t cleaned up after practice. “That depends if you plan on showering anytime soon.”
Cassian sighed as she leaned away from him. “I’ll go shower right now. Meet me outside the Great Hall in twenty minutes?”
Nesta nodded in agreement.
“Great,” he said dreamily as he squeezed her hand one more time before releasing it. “I expect a real answer to my question then.”
“Wait,” she said as she grabbed his injured hand. “Plasticus,” she stated when she pointed her wand at his bandage, charming it to turn into plastic. “For your shower,” she explained.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
Nesta simply gave him a smile before getting up and heading out of the changing rooms, while he made his way to the shower stall.
On her way to the castle, an idea popped into Nesta’s mind.
----------------
Following his shower in the quidditch changing rooms, Cassian raced to the Great Hall, eager to hear Nesta finally say that she would go out with him.
...and possibly finally kiss her.
Having heard her say she had been thinking about kissing the grin off of his face had been such a surprise. He never thought he’d ever hear her admit that. Especially when he would have just been satisfied with her saying that she had been constantly thinking of him.
Finally, they seemed to be on the same wavelength.
When the Great Hall entrance was finally in sight, he didn’t see Nesta anywhere.
Was she avoiding him again? Did she freak out again? He had just seen her a mere twenty minutes ago. How could her feelings change so quickly?
Suddenly, a door he passed on his left opened and a hand reached out, grabbing hold of his arm and yanking him into the room…
Which turned out to be a tiny dimly-lit space filled with various broomsticks, mops and buckets.
And none other than Nesta Archeron.
Nesta closed the door behind them and gently pushed him so his back was up against the wall. She wrapped her hands around his neck, bringing his face down to hers to capture his lips in a fervent kiss. Once over the shock of this unexpected event, Cassian placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer to him, needing to be as close to her as he possibly could.
The taste of her was better than he had envisioned and he couldn’t get enough. When she would hesitantly pull away the slightest bit, he dove right back into the kiss, gently tugging at her lips with his teeth to pull her back in.
At some point, he did remember however that he’d been expecting her to answer his question. Reluctantly, he pulled his lips away from hers, and the two of them stood with their foreheads resting against each other’s. Her heavy breathing matched his own.
“I knew you always wanted to snog me in a broom closet,” he remarked cheekily.
“I needed to see what all the fuss was about,” she replied as she moved her hands up into his unbound hair and ran her fingers through it over and over again. “But if another prefect catches me, you’re dead,” she added rather seriously.
“I’m dead? You’re the one who dragged me in here!”
“But you’re the one who keeps kissing me.”
“Because you started it,” he noted before giving her a quick peck on the lips. “And you’re too intoxicating.”
Her eyes glimmered like the stars as she blushed.
“So Nesta Archeron, will you go out with me?” he asked.
She took a deep breath. “Yes,” she breathed.
Cassian beamed as he planted her with a passionate kiss.
“Are you ready to go to the Great Hall?” he asked when he pulled away.
“Not yet,” she said before leaning forward to kiss him again.  
“Maybe we can eat in the kitchens later instead,” he mumbled against her lips.
“I like that plan,” she whispered before wrapping her arms tighter around his neck and kissing him ravenously.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading! I hope you liked it! I apologize for any errors...I was sick when I edited this! Cassian just seems like he would totally be like a Hogwarts-era Sirius Black to me XD anyone else agree? :) Right now, this is just a oneshot. But do I have ideas for other Nessian dates/issues while at Hogwarts? Yes. Will I ever write them? I have no idea. I kinda want take a break, kinda want to go back to writing my post-ACOFAS fic, haha. So we'll see!
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The Devil You Know: Part One (of 4)
Summary: A follow up to Mischief and the Maiden , Loki interferes with Elaina in the best ways. Contains both silliness and smut, consider yourself warned on both counts.
Author’s Note:  I’m tagging those who took the time to write kind comments on my last work because they were awesome enough to do so and that’s what really encouraged me to write this one. I would’ve responded to each of them, but I can’t do so as THIS blog and it seems weird to do so as my completely unrelated main blog. Anyway, thank you!!
Should Tumblr Implode: I’m also here at : https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_heart_in_his_teeth/works
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The party droned on for what felt like days.
Her tolerance for this amount of people had peaked and fallen so long ago that she couldn’t even remember when she began feeling plastic, nodding and smiling her way through conversations she couldn’t care less about with people she barely knew. Every time she escaped from one cluster of people, she was shepherded into another.
She had gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable in crowds, but this one was wearing her thin. The men all a matching set in tailcoats and ties, slicked back hair and martinis while the women shimmered in sequined dresses, jewels sparkling off their arms and spilling down their necks in long strings- even glittering from the feather adornments in their bobbed hair.
She was suddenly very aware of how underdressed she was. Glancing down at her faded black lounge pants and thin t-shirt which was altered so that it was missing the sleeves and open at the sides, allowing a view of her lace bralette beneath it, she crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously and backed away, almost bumping into an enormous champagne fountain.
“Jesus!” She gasped, looking up at the towering monstrosity flowing the fizzy drink down from a giant bottle a couple of hundred glasses up. The opulence of the people mirrored the endless ballroom they were in; so much gold on the white clothed tables and the sconces, while giant crystal chandeliers twinkled from above. She felt like an extra in The Great Gatsby.
Or The Shining.
Honestly, she didn’t care which as long as she could find the exit to the place. She excused herself awkwardly, dodging protesting arms and walking with purpose toward the other side of the vast room where she hoped the door was. Finally, she spotted a large archway above the growing sea of people, but her relief was short lived when she saw another lavish hall beyond it.
Her frustration fueled her and she pushed on. At last she saw a great, gilded double door at the top of an impossibly grand staircase. She walked faster, no longer caring how frantic she looked. She would make her apologies to...whoever tomorrow. Why couldn’t she remember whose party this was? And why had she agreed to come? She could figure that out tomorrow as well, for now all she cared about was the freedom just a hundred stairs away.
A hand lightly touched her shoulder and she glanced behind her to see the gentle, smiling face of Patrick Stewart. Suddenly it hit her, it was HIS party. She couldn’t have said no to Patrick Stewart, of course. Seeing that he was wearing his Star Trek uniform made her regret her outfit even more.
“Elaina! “ He said in his lovely British voice. “I’m so happy you were able to come. You did bring the artifact of course. I thought we could pass it around while you give the eulogy.”
She hadn’t remembered any artifact and had somehow not realized she was meant to give a eulogy or even who it was for. “ I....” she stammered. “I just need to get it from my car. She lied. She lied to PStew! But she urgently needed to be outside. Being outside would surely clear her head.
“Excellent!” He held her hand. His skin was very soft. “I cannot wait to hear of how you acquired this one. It is simply fascinating to me how you have been able to find all of these wonderful treasures. You must truly have a gift”
“Oh, I’m just very lucky.” She clasped her hand over his and wished she could remember how their friendship came to be, but her brain seemed to be shrinking into confusion by the second and she could only hope that no one noticed.
She knew she had to pretend everything was fine until she could figure this out, but she hoped he would understand if she ended up running away into the night screaming instead of giving a speech she hadn’t prepared to a crowd of what had to be hundreds of people. “You’ll just have to excuse me, while I pop outside to get it...”
“Of course!” He beamed. “Ah, but first I would love to introduce you to some friends of mine.” He nodded over her shoulder and she turned to see Benedict Cumberbatch walking up to them, a meek Martin Freeman on his arm looking adoringly up at his face.
A brief, but fierce, battle waged inside her before she firmly but politely said no and excused herself again. If she delved into whatever that was about, she knew she would never leave. She continued up the stairs that seemed to increase in number the closer she got to the top, running now, she pushed herself faster until finally she pushed the heavy door open and bolted outside, not stopping until she got to the street.
The cool night air felt good on her skin and now she focused on getting home. She didn’t remember if she’d brought her car. Wait...that’s right, she didn’t even OWN a car. Ahead, she saw a bus stop. Good enough. After sitting on the bench for a second, she realized that she had no clue where she was. Was it New York? It felt too foreign. She traveled so often now it was hard to keep up. Hopefully the bus driver could help her.
As soon as she had that thought she saw headlights in the distance. They were moving strangely, instead of steady and straight they sort of hopped. The reason for that was revealed when the thing came into view. It was a Catbus. It’s eyes were the headlights and when it stopped, the orange furry doors opened to reveal the soft seats inside of its body.
Elaina hesitated and the cat’s Cheshire smiling face turned towards her. She knew her Ghibli and that this bus could take her anywhere, but she thought better of it. “Uh, that’s okay. Nevermind. ” She told it. “I think I'll walk.” The Catbus meowed indifferently and continued on its way.
“Well now that,” A velvet voice spoke from beside her. “Was truly...special.”
She looked up at the figure that had stepped into view beside her. Pale and perfect with dark hair combed back and curling up slightly just above his shoulders. His eyebrows were raised toward the direction of the Catbus.
“I know someone who travels by cat- albeit in a comparatively mundane fashion.... ” He trailed off, then turned to her with a warm smile that reached his eyes and crinkled them at the corners. “Hello, Elaina.”
“Loki.” She said softly. Recognition was like a balm for her troubled head, soothing her back to her senses and lifting her heart in an instant.
She wanted to ask him if he was really there and not just another part of her yearning, stress- drunk subconscious, but she’d asked him that often enough over the years to know that he would never give her a straight answer. Even if he did, she could never really believe it.
“You know,” her own smile spread across her face. “When you said I’d dream about you, I thought the dreams would be more....”
“Enjoyable?” He turned to the grim, gray, building she’d just fled. It had not a single window and was so tall that the top of it disappeared into the night clouds. “But, come now.” He waved his hand toward it and the city street they stood on and shook his head. “You know this is not me.”
“No.” She sighed. “This is the sort of thing my asshole brain comes up with.”
“Well then, let’s slip into someplace a bit more comfortable.”
With that he took her by the shoulders and spun her around to face a couple of matching red, plush couches divided by a black lacquered coffee table inlaid with mother of pearl garden scene. A beautiful Persian rug sat on top of the hardwood floors of the seating area and photographs in various sized frames tastefully covered deep blue walls, dimly lit by the lights that ran along the ceiling.
I guess it doesn’t get much more comfortable than my own house, she thought. She had taken care to fill her home with things that had a story or meaning that was in some way personal to her so that whenever she returned to it after a long journey she would be wrapped in the stable familiarity of it all. Her home was very much her sanctuary.
“This wasn’t here before.” Loki was peering at the Klimt painting above the fireplace. “Who are these people?”
It was an unusual sight- he clad in a black high collared shirt, open at the neck in the shape of a V and over that a strange sort of jacket made of interwoven black leather and green cloth that reached down to his boots. Though not wearing a crown, he still looked every bit a mythological prince standing so casually in her in her living room.
“Umm, well I’m not sure actually.” She wondered if it had registered to him that it had been two years since he was last here. “It was painted about a hundred years before I was born. The image has very much has resonated with me lately. I even have this weird connection to the artist.”
“I see. And what “weird” connection do you have to a presumably dead artist?”
“Oh, I found an old portfolio of his sketches hidden in the pages of this coffee big table art book that my grandmother had.” She studied his profile carefully as she spoke looking for any reaction. “I mean, they were stamped with his signature and everything. It was a nearly impossible find, but quickly authenticated. “
His lips twitched upwards and he kept his eyes on the painting. “Hmm. How lucky.”
“Uh-huh. I’ve come into quite a bit of such “luck” over the last few years. ...since meeting you actually.” She added pointedly. “You know, I’ll buy a doll at a flea market in France that will turn out to be an antique Bisque or I’ll find a used book from a tiny shop in Italy that ends being a first edition Yeats- things like that.”
“Those things sound like they are probably very valuable to Midgardians.” He shrugged. “One should hope you were able to find some use for them.””
She clasped her hands in front of her and smiled knowingly at the floor. “And to think some guys just buy a girl flowers.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. This painting,” he said, changing the subject. “What about it so captured your attention, I wonder?”
“Well, it’s called ’Love’- did...did you just roll your eyes?”
His mouth smoothed out of its grin quickly. “Not at all.”
Each time he’d come to her, no matter how much time had passed, there wasn’t the awkwardness that often happens when lovers meet again. No pretending to be indifferent to their own feelings, no worrying how they might seem to each other or wondering where things might go this time. Everything seemed just as it had been that first night together, in a cabin that wasn’t really a cabin in a realm far, far away. For her part, she had no delusions about what may come of the time they spent together, she was just glad for it.
She paused to contemplate the couple frozen in the painting, forever locked in an embrace that would outlive them. The woman’s hand gripped at the man, her head upturned, eyes closed in anticipation of a kiss that would never come. Or perhaps the kiss was done and the embrace was at its end.
The man’s eyes were closed as well, but she thought he had a melancholy look to him. It seemed he could either be coming or going from her. There seemed to be a silent battle raging within each of them while a host of spirits looked on, perhaps amused at their fate.
“Does she love him?” He asked, circling behind her.
“Yes, that I’m certain of.”
“And do you think that wise?” His mouth was at her ear.
Without hesitation she answered. “No.”
His hand wrapped over hers and he led her to one of the couches, pulling her down into his lap as he sat. She could smell the leather of his clothes and beneath that the familiar heady scent of his skin. “Correct.” His fingers traced down her jawline stopping at her chin. “Sentimentality often leads to foolish choices.”
His eyes rested on her lips thoughtfully for a moment before he deftly took her face in his hands and kissed her, his mouth cool on hers. Her eyes fluttered shut and her hand wrapped around the nape of his neck, fingers disappearing into the softness of his hair.
For a blissful moment there was nothing else in the world but that kiss, then he gently pulled back, gazing at her with contented green eyes. “You have been in love, Elaina.” His elbow folded on the back of the couch, his curled fist providing a rest for his head. “I needn’t warn you of that gnawing thing within your heart that has you so vexed.”
She felt her cheeks redden. It didn’t surprise her that he knew of her life, she sometimes comforted herself with the idea that he was maybe looking in at her from his castle in a magical floating city, but other times she rather hoped he wasn’t. Like the last year.
“We don’t get to choose about falling in love. It just happens.” She could hear the regret in her own voice and hated it. “At least that’s how it is for we Midgardians.”
“It’s all about control, my dear.” His hand rested on her hip. “There’s always something you can control even within the uncontrollable. If you feel an overpowering emotion, you can channel that power into something more...beneficial.”
“Such as?”
“Anything. A more personal passion. Art. Music. Jogging? Is that what it’s called? When you run pointlessly long and slow to get to nowhere? The point is that you can bask in the pleasurable aspect of the feeling, but assign the power of the chaos such a strong emotion creates to something else.” He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “That way your mind can remain clear and no one unworthy will have power over you.”
She clasped his hand against her cheek and closed her eyes. There had been a man she had loved who was everything she wasn’t. Gregarious, charming, and successful, he just always seemed to have it together with never a hair out of place. Even his condo was constantly immaculate. He also was painfully gorgeous. And he actually loved her. Until he inexplicably didn’t.
She winced at the memory.
“I think you over- estimate my worth.” She said quietly.
He clicked his tongue and looked almost offended. “I do no such thing.” He said sharply. “You would do well to remember that. Tell me, who is this man would make you feel beneath him- you who has known the touch and favor of a god?”
“I don’t-I know I’m not beneath him...” she was flustered and now embarrassed. Having been the lover of the God of Mischief was one hell of a confidence boost, but she was never going to have the conceit that might have earned her. She doubted Loki could understand what it was like to be set aside by someone you cherished, to have to question what about you had made them decide you were not what they wanted.
“Perhaps,” he half smiled and traced his fingers over the patterns of lace on the sides of her bralette “You need a reminder.”
She held her breath, remembering every bit of what his masterful touch could do to her. There was a playful spark in his eyes for a just a moment before he kissed her again, this time firmly but briefly, then brought her hand to his lips and planted a kiss there as well.
“Soon.” He said with a wink and before she could question what he meant his face had dissolved into an unpleasant glow of light.
~~~
@roonyxx @carydorse @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks @starscreamloki  @glitt3rgaz3 @annievvv7 @holykryptonitekitten @silver-tongue-trickster
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academersatz · 7 years
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Travelogue - Norway 2017, pArt 1
Warning: this blog post is about art, mostly contemporary art (aka weird art that looks like a toddler ate a box of crayons and had an accident on the canvas).
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Untitled (2011), by Albert Oehlen
My travels this July through Norway (and a little bit of Sweden on both ends) saw me wandering through a lot of art museums. As a rule, I tend to like modern and postmodern art, and specifically paintings. This post will mostly be a smattering of various pieces I saw and admired while chilling in Norway.
I had recently visited Stockholm and wasn’t super-pumped about spending another 3 days there at the beginning of my summer vacation, but one thing I had looked forward to was seeing Moderna Museet, the modern art museum. While my friend Bill (who will appear more in later posts) visited the awesome Vasa museum and other attractions on the island of Djurgarden, I drove to the island that housed Moderna. I parked, tried to pay for parking (alongside a family of confused foreigners), was rejected by the meter, and drove to another spot. It turns out that all the parking meters on the island were so old, they wouldn’t take my bank card. Eventually, I gave up. On the whole idea. I only had so much time to spend at Moderna before I needed to return to Djurgarden to pick up Bill, and I still wanted to go swimming. So I drove away from Moderna, cursing Stockholm and its ancient parking meters. #WhitePeopleProblems #amirite
Other than churches, which hardly count as contemporary, the first real modern art I saw was in Oslo at the Astrup Fearnley museum, which sits at the end of a wharf. The museum had two exhibits running (one more than the last time I visited with my wife 3 years prior): Chinese Summer, and The World is Made of Stories.
Are you strapped in? Good. Let’s begin with Chinese Summer.
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N Kilometers towards the West, by Zhang Ding
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Colosseum, by Huang Yong Ping
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Love it, Bite it! by Liu Wei
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Odyssey, by Ai Weiwei (on walls); and Tyres, by Dekk
And now onto some highlights from The World is Made of Stories.
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Sick Skin, by Ivan Galuzin
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Barren Landscape, by Anselm Kiefer
That evening, Bill and I decided to take a walk through Frogner Park, which features statues by Gustav Vigeland. I present some of those statues here with suggested titles.
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THE WALL OF TESTICLES HAS JUST BEGUN
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STOP TOUCHING MY FUCKING PENIS!
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KAMA SUTRA, POSITION 79 - FAILURE
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THE HERO WE NEED
The trip ventured west to Bergen, and while Bill walked around the back streets of the harbor, I visited the KODE art museum, which is actually 4 museums, each specializing in a couple different things. Not being very interested in kitchenware design or clothing fashion, I stuck to only two of the 4 buildings. Sorry for the shit quality, but I left my DSLR at the hostel and had to make due with my phone (OnePlus 3).
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Vallauris, by Pablo Picasso
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Falaise, by Anna-Eva Bergman
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Cliffs, by Anna-Eva Bergman
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Yony II, by Victor Vasarely
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Winter II, by Bjorn Hegranes
I also learned about an art movement that rose up in opposition of the dream-like surrealists, Art Concret. Here’s a wall of some AC paintings.
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Farther north, I visited the Kube museum in Alesund. This small contemporary art museum’s current exhibit is three floors dedicated to the life (so far) and works of Ørnulf Opdahl. I really liked his early work.
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Untitled (1985)
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Procession
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Untitled (mid 1960s)
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Evening
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Hunter in the Snow
And finally, our trip wrapped up in Trondheim. Again, while Bill snapped pictures inside the huge cathedral in the city center, I went next door to the art museum. The first floor was made of selections from their collection, as well as some contemporary sculptures. Nothing to write home (or Tumblr) about, but when I climbed the stairs, I walked into this room.
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And for the first time in my life, I literally thought YASSS! The second floor of the museum was devoted to Gruppe 5, or the Group 5, an art-gang from Trondheim that went around beating up other art-gangs and taking turf. They sold sketches on street corners and were eventually busted and sent to prison for conspiracy to enlighten. 
I may have some of that last paragraph wrong.
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Die Brucke, by Lars Tiller
The works on display were great. Exactly what I wanted. The hero of the day was Roar Wold, whose every painting just seemed to jump out at me.
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Landscape
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Rad jord (I hope. The title card is a bit blurry in my photo.)
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Untitled (1960s)
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Broen
The excellent selections and quality of works on display in the various Norwegian art museums more than made up for missing out on the Moderna in Stockholm. Next up, I’ll talk about the cities in Norway I visited (as well as a brief stint in Stockholm.) Thanks for reading.
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vorthosjay · 7 years
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Magic Story 2016 in Review
I don’t usually do reviews, as most of you know. At most, I tend to recommend or not recommend certain novels and stories as worth someone’s time versus reading a summary. I try to avoid them because Magic’s story is inextricably tied to the process of developing the card game itself. It’s a rather unique situation even for properties with established lore (like D&D or Warhammer) which also tell stories about the universe (more like a video game than a table top game’s story). I’m also just generally not a fan of literary reviews, as I find Tolkien unreadable but unabashedly love trashy Sci-Fi novels.
So instead, I’m going to tackle 2016 as a SWOT Analysis for the state of Magic’s Story overall, not really for individual stories or writing quality. Don’t know what a SWOT Analysis is? Basically, it’s just a method of dividing feedback into four areas: Strengths (things that are being done well), Weaknesses (thing that could be improved), Opportunities (things that could enhance the overall experience), and threats (things that could hurt the overall experience).
Keep in mind that I don’t know anything about the inner working of creative, and there may be perfectly good reasons for the weaknesses I describe, and plans in place to address the threats I identify. This is just, like, my opinion.
Side Note: I realize that I teased this piece after the 2016 story summary. Sorry, I forgot about it and it sat in my draft folder for the last couple weeks.
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Unholy Strength by Terese Nielsen
Strengths
Expanding the Roster While the core writing team has largely remained the same, bringing in Alison Luhrs, Mel Li, and Michael Yichao for more stories has been a welcome addition to the rotation. Alison and Michael both previously wrote Commander 2015 stories, Mel previously wrote the BFZ story summary and one of the Checking In articles. Whether they’re members of creative moved into a slightly different role or members of other teams brought in for their skills, it’s been a good thing.
Hiring Veteran Talent Bringing on Chris L’Etoile, an industry veteran who was not previous involved with Wizards of the Coast in another capacity (as much of the creative team was), signals a pretty strong commitment to continuing to improve the story with the new paradigm. Chris hit the ground running with Homesick, which along with another story I’ll mention in a moment was one of my two favorites this year. I believe we’ve started to see his influence with Kaladesh, and I hope we continue to see plenty of it going forward - word counts be damned.
Hiring Consultants It means a lot when we see outside consultants for expertise in areas the creative team lacks. Reading between the lines of some comments that have been made after Conspiracy: Take the Crown and Kaladesh were revealed to have used consultants, I think we’re likely to see more of this going forward. While it’s not always going to be perfect (Kaladesh had some major flavor misses), it’s a huge step in the right direction, and for that deserves real credit.
Ken Troop’s Blackmail I don’t know what he has on the rest of the team that they let him get the good stuff, but Ken consistently steals the show. He’s only got three stories in 2016, but they’re all fantastic and big story tentpoles. The Promised End is my second favorite story from last year, and The Blight We Were Born For is a close third.
This piece goes on a bit yet, so I’m putting the rest behind a keep reading line.
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Hunt the Weak by Raoul Vitale
Weaknesses
Characterization The biggest part of the story that suffered in the new two block paradigm is characterization. Now, to be fair, character complexity is something hard to get across when you’ve only got about 5,000 words a week and a very broad focus. Stories like Homesick helped establish the characters better, but going forward I think it’ll be important to show more sides to the different characters. For instance, if someone hadn’t read Agents of Artifice, they might think Tezzeret is a rather one dimensional character because of his portrayal in Kaladesh. Chandra has seemed to regress as a character, feeling more like an ADHD caricature than the young woman we’d gotten to see grow through The Purifying Fire and her various other appearances. I don’t know entirely how to fix it, but I think taking more moments for the characters to breath and interact will be helpful.
Pacing Given the new serialized structure, it’s harder to get a sense of the timing of events. In Shadows Over Innistrad, was Jace on Innistrad for days? Weeks? Months? It’s not clear, but the story did a whole lot of hopping around with him to different locations all over the plane. Finding a balance between how Magic Story used to be (a series of relatively unconnected vignettes with the occasional important story piece) and the new serialized structure is going to be a major hurdle in 2017. We also got a number of stories unconnected to the main stories this year (or no stories at all), which can be jarring to the pace of events. Now that the team has a few blocks behind them, I think they’re starting to find the right pace.
Community Outreach Last year was weakest in terms of the accessibility of the creative team that I can remember. There was a big call on Tumblr for question for the creative team that have never been answered (at least, not in any venue that I’ve seen). Doug Beyer’s blog has been mostly abandoned, and interaction with the team has largely been limited to official events and Twitter (where 140 characters isn’t a whole lot of room for lore talk - but shout-out to Kelly Digges and others for trying). This was the first year I can remember where a well-known member of the creative team wasn’t hugely visible in responding to the community, as before we’d had Ask Brady or A Voice for Vorthos. These outlets were immensely popular, and I’m hoping the new podcast idea that Blake Rasmussen mentioned on twitter turns out to be a good new successor to that legacy. This criticism comes with the caveat that I’m not sure the creative team’s workload has ever been higher, and I’m sure they’re still trying to find a groove in the new paradigm.
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Opportunity by Patrick Faricy
Opportunities
Reconnecting to Older Lore Kaladesh has major story ties to older story lines, and with the Gatewatch established it’s probably time to return to more of the plot threads left dangling over the years. For perspective, it’s been eight real-world years since Liliana, Jace, and Tezzeret were all in Agents of Artifice together. It’s been almost as long since Chandra and Gideon’s story began back in The Purifying Fire. Continuing to connect back to older lore in a meaningful way will help keep older vorthos interested and invested.
New Mediums for Outreach I mentioned earlier that Blake (of Daily MTG fame) dropped the potential for a new story team podcast. This is an exciting opportunity and will go a long way to fixing that big gap I mentioned in weaknesses. Podcasts are the format of choice for many people online these days, and don’t require the same equipment and software intensive set-up as video formats do. Given the success of Maro’s Drive to Work, I don’t think this podcast would be lacking an audience. In this same vein, the recently announced initiative to move the Magic IP in different directions could be great for us Vorthos. I loved being able to experience the story through different media, and Duels of the Planeswalkers 2015 was a fun was to share the plot developments of Magic 2015 - and to get players interested in the story.
Official History With the plot moved to free serialized web stories, there’s a rather huge demand from new vorthos interested in what came before Magic Origins. The success of my own articles and those of my fellow vorthos out there is a testament to that demand, and while I’m certainly not going to complain, even the most popular among us don’t have the same reach among the community that the mothership does. In 2014 and 2015, we got “Checking In With the Planeswalkers” articles, which served as a sort of update and history for the uninitiated and invested vorthos alike. Prior to Scars of Mirrodin and Return to Ravnica we got brief histories to catch people up. Now I think we need those kind of background pieces more regularly, because as neat as it is to see Agents of Artifice and The Purifying Fire references in Kaladesh, most newer readers were scratching their heads about the various references.
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Threaten by Pete Venters
Threats
Accessibility of Older Lore This runs parallel to some of my other comments. How well can a new reader inference what they need to know about Magic’s past for a story? The experience of Kaladesh is fairly different for someone who has read Agents of Artifice or The Purifying Fire. Chandra monastery at Keral Keep is heavily influenced by Jaya Ballard - an ice age character whose lore is entirely locked into two out-of-print novels... one of which goes for about $40! Making sure that new readers can access the older stories they want is going to be critical going forward, especially if you want to keep older fans invested, too. Granted, these novels are likely locked behind contracts with publishers, but as the story continues to expand and older lore continues to be referenced, there’s a risk of alienating new readers. In some cases, it’s as simple as continuing to post story summaries once a block concludes - we got them for BFZ but not for SOI. As the two-blocks a year structure continues to pile up, we’re going to find newer readers significantly less interested in reading every article between Magic Origins and the latest block.
Mismanagement of Expectations This happened a couple times last year, and I think it’s important to address because fans need to know what to expect. When things are going to deviate from the norm or when we have gaps between the different set stories, that should be made extremely clear to the audience. November 2016 is a good example, as we got no Commander 2016 stories and no catching-up article - both of which we’d gotten in that same slot in previous years. I don’t think these breaks are a problem - but fan expectations based on previous years resulted in disappointment and resentment.
The Expanding Multiverse While I mentioned that the newly announced IP initiative is a great opportunity, it’s also a threat if not managed properly. Non-canon lore from early Duels of the Planeswalker games are still problems to this day - especially the ‘racist Nissa’ misconception. Keeping up with an expanding universe is going to be a lot of work, and it also has the potential for alienating fans both new and old. The creative team will need to stay on top of everything to avoid problems that will haunt them for years to come.
That’s about it for today. I hope you enjoyed my perspective on what worked and didn’t work in 2016, and how I hope 2017 can improve on that. Overall I’m optimistic for the future!
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Tata Harper X Affair Vert Giveaway.
Recently We introduced you to the initial in our 7 Skin layer Transgressions series - way of living practices that could create brief- and long-term damage to your skin. Whenever our team utilized to grumble regarding him for life pitching off to have a tab, he would mention that sport was bad for you, which a sportsman spent even more time off work with traumas than he did having a tab in the smoking area aboard (affectionately called the 'Leper Swarm'). While many people still are without access to care, there is actually positioning documentation that lots of people additionally receive excessive treatment. The site shares stories coming from their journeys, tips and assistance for various other travellers, as well as digital photography tips, and also wonderful pictures coming from the roadway. In twenty years, if the abundant have identified an ingenious way to reduce poverty, their taxes will drop. With that in mind, our company hired aid coming from two leading fitness professionals: Rachel Buschert Vaziralli, The big apple City-based team exercise teacher as well as trainer and inventor of F3 Skin Worry Physical fitness, and also Dean Pappous, Regional Elder from 24-Hour Physical fitness. With the harm these highly effective treatments can easily have on the physical body, a lot of medical-grade skin treatment items are actually also difficult on exceptionally sensitive skin. This dried my face out until it was actually painfully strict, chalky appearing & essentially created me think as though I will merely smeared a load of awful chemicals on my face; which to all functions as well as intents, I kinda had. Regarding Weblog - CURLS is a leading curly hair treatment firm offering buyers with an unsurpassed premium line from natural curly hair remedies for kinks, surges and swirls. Every week there certainly seems to become a new instance in the news of parents behaving badly at their youngsters' showing off occasions. A floating menu appears at the top right while you continue, giving you the chance to pick your application (email or even text) whenever you please. Consuming fish that is rich in omega-3 fatty acids is good for your health and wellness and also for your skin layer. Sakara Lifestyle, if you are actually not acquainted with their ludicrously great tasting and also alluring brand, is actually a New York Metropolitan area natural food system and also delivery organisation that represents points that all people right here at Tata Harper rally enthusiastically together with: uncovering joy as well as permission via healthy food items options, delighting in wealthy flavors and full meals while nurturing your physical body with every bite, and most notably, discovering how to love yourself (increasingly!) as well as sharing that illumination along with the planet. One Drop's regular monthly membership service, which likewise comes with blood sugar exam bits, a chrome lancing tool and an instance for these supplies, costs $39.95 a month without insurance coverage, compared to co-pays from approximately $200 for diabetic issues equipment and care through additional conventional systems. . I encourage our Vitalization Rich Intensity Physical body Cleanser- that is actually moistening, purifying and soap-free. Whether you were whipping up little alleviates in an Easy Bake Oven or even nuzzling a Treatment Bear, we all have that toy that stands out in our childhood moments. He very soon moved to simply pictures after noticing that those were just what sounded with social media customers, at that point started the SI Picture Blog Tumblr a lot more just recently to help get social sports followers to discuss the pictures extra. About Weblog - Go through job suggestions, insight on how you can use linkedin, return to tips, assortment requirements suggestions, project search recommendations from InterviewIQ - project seeking intelligence. Obviously nobody can take action delighted in the face of real misfortune or problem of the larger selection. Our experts take a look at the main reason whies you may be actually suffering from dry skin, promotion diet regimen as well as lifestyle pointers for protecting against completely dry skin as well as recommend organic moisturisers for males to help you rehydrate your skin layer. When our experts polled 600 WH readers in their 20s as well as 30s, 80 percent mentioned team sports had assisted them build as a person-- however virtually 40 percent were actually not familiar with the plan that made that achievable. You can easily constantly speak with your skin care medical professional concerning your specific health condition and also problems. When the dirt picked her writing job, she was actually pushed to face down her eating problem.
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franciswlp46-blog · 7 years
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What Produces Folks Pleased? 5 Vital Variables That Carry Joy and happiness
This is actually the last day of this particular year's Flash Fiction activity, I hope you have actually been actually delighting in all of the stories !! While everyone possesses their own opinion, some global traits like the ones below could be thought about as exactly what creates people satisfied. Nevertheless, must you discover on your own (for whatever unusual main reason) had by an irresistable impulse to accomplish additional, I have actually provided this handy listing from ways to earn me also more pleased. If you loved this write-up and you would certainly like to receive even more facts regarding yellow pages advert 1997 (gr8bcomeheltee.info) kindly go to our own website. , if a lady wishes a delighted man there are numerous points she have to perform.. Otherwise, he is going to eventually wear out and also leave, exhausted. A female who honors this extensive demand that men must create her pleased, possesses a completely different attitude towards men. Allow's mention you perform close magic (which I firmly propose you ought to likewise carry out if you intend to make a great living in magic) but you locate this challenging to challenge individuals up close. He will picked this song because that provided him an odds to examine several of the much more clean emotional states he hadn't had an opportunity to have fun with in an although. There is nothing at all incorrect with seeing to it you enjoy however additionally reside for others and you discover much more joy. When you don't possess even a tiny oz from flexibility in your lifestyle, it is actually difficult to become definitely happy. Enjoying daddy throughout our childhood years we know how you can make our way in the irritated nationality. Happiness feels like a muscle mass - that obtains more powerful the extra you exercise it. Maintaining on your own satisfied feels like remaining in condition. If there is actually everything else I may do to make this fic much more accessible whatsoever, feel free to do not hesitate to email me at iaminarage @ or even message me on tumblr (where I'm also iaminarage). If you do not think me, try it. I understand you yearn for one thing immediately and I understand that you may obtain that one thing and I likewise understand that you are going to enjoy for some time, but that's that. You will certainly always respond to where you began. With the innovation in modern technology, that has actually come to be feasible to create a big number of animated movies and also several ones are actually launched annually for the amusement from people. However meanwhile, I have come to realize that contentment is actually an option and that is actually the small things that produce joy and happiness. What Creates Me Delighted possesses a format that is actually specifically effective in creating sympathy along with teams from kids which are actually highly politicised or considered a threat. On today i am actually quite delighted to inform the globe that Micheal is actually back to me because of Dr.Zabaza which make use of is actually world powers to cast a spell that brought micheal back to me within 48hours. Receive the education and learning you have to obtain the work you really want or simply go ahead and also look for that. Do whatever you have to carry out to create that adjustment and be happy. So if you believed being aged will create you unhappy, rest assured that this is actually very likely you'll develop an extra beneficial expectation compared to you probably have currently. Consider these here main qualities from the sign and also just what this points out about keeping all of them satisfied in relationships. Definitely, hawks or various other predacious birds can be pulled to celebrations of song birds. Therefore this trigger bingeing, that made me pleased once again like I was pulling the wool over everybody's eyes because I might eat all of the dreadful foods items" that I really loved without actually having to absorb them. Nonetheless, with the progress of technology, this's currently easier compared to ever before making popular music all on your own. Spanish words are loaded with seductive words however this one is very lively and also simple. It gives some tantalizing foods like Grilled Mahi, Shrimp Jumbo Shrimp Scampi, Spanish Paella, Skillet Seared Atlantic Salmon, Cuban Braised Fish, as well as Veal Piccata and so on I believed that the methods I carry out will certainly make people think about and this is certainly not so vital just what I claim. I regularly try to show folks on my blog as well as posts to be advanced as well as not making any type of restriction for themselves. Dark chocolate peanut butter no bake cookies create excellent grandparents presents, teacher gifts, birthday party gifts, thanks gifts and more. After the party has been held, tailored stationary is excellent for thank-you notes. To everyone around, I will be extremely earnest and also simple to you the only thing that Dr Shakes Bayonet has actually helped me recover Matthew back to my lifestyle as well as i am actually so pleased concerning it as i am putting this testament online to permit all those that has this type of passion issue to talk to Dr Shakes to steer clear of getting in touch with those scammers that ripped me off my difficult generated income without remedy before i was launched to Shakes Spear. An uplifting style which will certainly likewise establish the theme for the celebration would certainly be the scenery. Portion a few of these amusing friendly relationship quotes along with the friends who make your life a brighter and your days a pleasure. When it happens to the home budget plan, recent financial difficulties have compelled every person to make some hard options. That is when an individual performs one thing great for other people, which individual, in turn, does one thing wonderful for the next individual, then that individual does something good for an the following person and more. That is actually just how our company affect as well as create the field around our team a much better area. They will create our company happy for a brief or otherwise so short period of time, however in the end you are going to return to your preliminary condition. DUE TO THE FACT THAT they possess a tough as well as pleased relationship and also a terrific sex lifestyle to begin with, most few which delight in the swinger way of living do this. If you are shying away from the marital relationship, are sure that you possess identify the cause behind this and that you have actually decoded to this. If you are actually searching for the greatest service, see to it that you try the Kamni Capsules for the best interests from your connection. I was actually so delighted and mosted likely to him, that was just how our company started cohabiting happily once again. I found out via cooking games that making a really good sushi, make certain that the fish is actually very new (as that is eaten fresh). Nevertheless, they is actually the only one that understands which people should exist to earn this event especially significant. Considering that you never make him believe surrounded as well as he recognizes you are actually not just covered around his hands, he'll chase you. By having the capacity to accept all expenses of something you really want, through being happy throughout the trip to your goal, you are going to be happy. None from these causes warrant disloyalty or even make this ok, but through recognizing men and knowing what guys wish, you'll possess a better opportunity from scam proofing your connection. You make a choice concerning that when you appear about at your life. You decide to become happy with it or you don't.
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