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viperwhispered · 13 days

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Too Hard

Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.

The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.

What a stupid thought to have because of you.

Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.

So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.

“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.

Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.

On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.

Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”

Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.

His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.

Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.

After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.

If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.

The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!

For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.

After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.

Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.

Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?

Could you possibly-

Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.

He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-

Jamil froze in his tracks.

The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.

Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.

Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.

Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.

Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?

Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.

What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?

Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.

He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.

Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.

“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.

“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.

As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.

And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.

Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.

All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.

“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.

Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.

Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?

Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.

Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.

“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.

Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.

“Hmm. Maybe he will.”

Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?

Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.

How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?

“You know-”

“So-”

You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.

Even your surprised look was so-

“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.

“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.

“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”

He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.

“No. It is not.”

You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.

Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?

“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.

“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.

Wait.

Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?

The thought twisted his stomach into knots.

Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #ner writes #jamil definitely knows how to deal with his feels #also writing this is making me wonder how aware jamil is of his inner versus outer life #like he’s very aware of how he comes across because that’s what he’s been told to watch out for #but how well has he truly learned to understand himself and his own feelings wants etc?#(I mean as you can tell I’m assuming not very well)#originally this went to more of a “jamil hears just the wrong part of the conversation” route but #a) I kinda hate that trope especially when it’s dragged on beyond belief and #b) Kalim maybe doesn’t want to spill anyone’s secrets but he really is such an open book especially with Jamil so #also it’s not like jamil needs the extra help to catastrophize he already does that well enough on his own 🙃#tho then I went a little too far in the other direction and had to pull back #but let's just hope I didn't edit this to death by now #also also: since I seem to have a bit of a naming theme going on for this series #if I were to be the sort to go for the angst route what part would definitely be titled Too Late or something along those lines #also x3 but loved folks commenting on that part about reader being inoffensive in the first part #I certainly had fun writing that line #(and in general extra love to everyone who leaves comments on tags replies wherever always great to read those)#(and in general chat with y'all)

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venti-death-watch · 6 days

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we love cycles and parallels in the house of hearth… crucabena with unknown hydro/cryo abilities, arle with fire, freminet with cryo…. crucabena sending clervie off to die & arle killing her and then arle killing crucabena, and freminet protecting the currently unknown girl, and fighting arle to protect her and his siblings….

#there is something so funny abt the two of them to me. the two kids from the prev knave we know are still alive #also: arle telling freminet abt being able to take in extra kids. him having ‘father’ as a fallen line & him being in her promo #her telling lyney that she wants him to be the next king & that she’s interested in seeing what family means to him #but freminet is the one replying. with his ‘i took the previous knave’s motto & made it my own & i will protect my family above all else’#i’m kinda wild abt the prev knave (hydro/cryo) —> arle (pyro) —> lyney (pyro) —> freminet (cryo)#genshin impact #thoughts #lyney #lynette #freminet #arlecchino #crucabena #clervie

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floweroflaurelin · 2 years

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Ivory Cello has, without exaggeration, the most beautiful mc skin I’ve ever seen 🌸💖✨

#ivorycello #ivory cello #ivorycello fanart #ivory cello fanart #fanart #illustration #digital art #mcyt #tiefling #mcyt fanart #mcytblr #floweroflaurelin art #a fun fact about me is that I Hate painting flowers. but I love sketching flowers into paintings #the original image is actually zoomed out by a lot but at the last second I realized it looks way better this way lol #which means I painted extra flowers down below for no reason. whoops #that being said I love this painting and I’m so proud that I Did A Thing during my Covid era that i made this my new phone bg :)

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2knightt · 3 months

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🌷. song: This is Home by Cavetown with CadeSibling!Reader?

yes cult leader whatever you say cult leader

also i had no ideas for this…so like…ignore this if jt seems lazy that is not who i amdeep down trust.

some called you the weird kid. you never knew why—you just wanted to express who you felt you truly were.

“look at your hair! what? it’s funny!”

“you’re wearing that? …again?”

“do you even know how to talk?”

hearing a repeat of that throughout your childhood and through some of your teenage years—you tended to shut yourself in.

you never expressed yourself like that again to anyone. well, expect to your brother, johnny. he was the one and only acceptation.

he never made fun of you, he always understood where you were coming from weither you were right or wrong.

johnny always rubbed your back as you tugged at the ends of your hair, sighing.

he always promised to get the two of you out of there. he always did.

“soon, you won’t have to worry ‘bout that, y/n. i’ll get us outta ‘ere. when have i ever lied to you?”

he’d always mumble, a small grin on his face. johnny always had that greaser-fire to him before his face was covered in scars.

sometimes you were the one comforting him—saying that you’d be the one to get you guys outta there.

you could never tell if he did believe you.

and the minute you knew he didn’t was when he laid on his deathbed, 3rd degree scars all over his body. the only thing you could do as he slipped in and out of consciousness was hold his hand.

you and johnny were the only cades to ever enter that room and you were the only one to walk out.

he promised to get you out. he did. johnny never lied. your johnny, your brother, would never lie to you about what he really felt.

especially after he’d defend you day and night.

“guys, jus’ give ‘em some space.”

he’d tell his friends who’d tease you when they came across you. you never were too fond of them—but they were friendly enough for you to be civil.

the johnny who fixed your hair would never leave you alone in this. he’d promised that you’d never sleep alone in that lot—ever.

why? why did he break his promise now?

the question kept ringing in your mind as you sat beside him on his hospital bed. you wanted to ask him why—but you couldn’t.

you couldn’t communicate even if you tried.

#i know this song is TECHNICALLY ABOUT BEING AROMANTIC #and being transgender but like #idk #and i KNOW I USUALLY GO BASED OFF OF MEANING #but not this time….#i’m bending the rules for cult leader #leo’s extra special event! ‧₊˚ ✩#johnny cade platonic #johnny cade SIBLING ANGST REAL #JOHNNY CADE FUCKING DIES #sorry #johnny cade imagine #johnny cade blurb #the outsiders #ignore how this is one of my longer event pieces btw

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saetoru · 6 months

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it’s literally raining all week and i’m so miserable bc driving in the rain is literally the most unpleasant and stressful thing to me and everyone tells me im dramatic and it’s not that bad but it makes me upset driving in the rain i just want to curl in bed and sleep as the rain hits my window is that too much to ask :,)

#i’m not dramatic it’s #very very stressful driving in the rain #well #when it’s heavy rain #light rain is like #a mild inconvenience at best #but it’s decently heavy all week #that means i’ll have to drive slow and i already have a long commute as is so i’ll have to leave extra early and #being on time is something i also stress over so #yeah #very stressful week for me and my lil anxious mind

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laniidae-passerine · 5 months

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see I am very disjointed from a lot of nine/ten fandom discourse because I genuinely believe that in a different world where space boy was not to be seen, had an older Rose gone to the hospital and bumped into a certain Doctor Jones by a vending machine or as she was taking Rose’s vitals, she would have instantly hit it off with Martha. and probably flirted with her a little on accident and then on purpose when Martha flirted back

#I can see Martha raising an eyebrow as she catches Rose (who definitely snuck out despite being on bedrest) by the vending machine #Rose probably snuck out of bed because the girl in the bed next to her was crying and she wanted to make her feel better #because she doesn’t really like hospitals either #and when she tells Martha this she’s surprised when the Doctor (who seems quite strong and a little serious) suddenly smiles #and shows her a trick to get extra sweets and chocolate out of the machine #and then tells her to hurry because the check-in sweep of Rose’s ward is about to begin #you just KNOW Rose would be Martha’s most combative patient but in all the best ways #always asking what that machine does. what that incomprehensible doctor scrawl means. if there’s something she can do to help other patients #and Martha loves it. loves how much Rose cares just like her. they gossip and they chat about their daily lives. they get closer #everytime Martha has to scold Rose for sneaking out of bed or doing something she shouldn’t #(even though she secretly adores it. she’s never really mad she just wants Rose to take care of herself as well as other people)#she sighs and says (in her most firm but still fond tone) ‘Miss Tyler-’#only to be struck in the heart again with a cheeky grin and a ‘yes Doctor Jones?’#and also Rose loves that Martha is a doctor. that Martha cares. that she works overtime. that almost all Martha’s patients love her #and the ones that don’t just aren’t kind people anyway. that Martha doesn’t condescend. that Martha cares and cares and cares #that Martha likes all the things about Rose that other people think make her difficult and trouble and too much #she likes the things that other people don’t like in Martha either. thinks she’s magic.#Rose Tyler is always going to love her Doctor. and Martha Jones will always love somebody who thinks everybody matters #I’m like. obsessed with them?? move OVER space boy (actually nine can get involved in this. lmao ten stay away)#they’d have been so cuteeeee #rtd failed to see the lesbionic possibility but I am no such coward. no fighting over boys here #martha jones #rose tyler #dw #doctor who

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whimseee · 6 months

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ok how do I explain this. I hate being called a girl but I like being called a woman because it makes me feel respected. I don’t feel the need to change my appearance with makeup and whatnot to fit into a standard. I don’t like people affixing feminine stereotypes to me just because of my agab. I do not want to be perceived as any sort of gender if that means it’ll influence my interactions with people. I don’t really have a choice in how I am perceived. I only want to be seen as me. I do not think of myself as a woman, nor nonbinary, nor anything else. I see myself as just me. I like how they/them pronouns force people I don’t know that well to stumble a step before judging me. I like it when friends use varying pronouns for me, even ones they make up, because it makes me feel seen and appreciated. I love women so much, I fall in love a little when I notice the color of somebody’s eyes or wonder at what may have drawn her to the earrings she wears or see someone smile at me. I love being included in that world and because of that, like I am a sponge, I soak up womanhood and glow with it because I am so full of love

#a sponge isn’t defined by the water it carries but the water shapes it definitively nonetheless #a woman in a drag queen sort of way perhaps. but also not #I am a human being who loves being a part of this social group except for when it means people make assumptions about me based on how they #assume I have been socialized. like ‘well you’re afab so you must have insecurities about your looks’ motherfucker I’ll make YOU insecure #about YOUR looks once I knock out all your teeth!#like the whole ‘girl dinner’ thing. I’m going the extra mile in my refusal to have that me applied to me #gender as a revolutionary act! but also gender as in a literal ‘what the fuck do you mean you see yourself as being?? a man? woman?#nonbinary?? I don’t understand! I do not have this part of identity. I am literally just a Kelly like hello #cannot fathom how people see themselves as a certain gender but I love it and I want to absorb it in the same way I pick up my friends’#mannerisms and for the same reason too #it is love!#whimsical.txt

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mattodore · 2 months

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okay so because previous anons asked about sex, I wanna ask about aftercare, how they act after sex? oh and i’m curious how their sex life change after being together for a while

xoxo <3

their aftercare isn't always aftercare-101, if i'm honest. theo is very bad at it and doesn't really... ever... do that for matthias. and matthias may be very good at giving aftercare but theo is incredibly resistant to it. i mentioned earlier that theo really gets off on praise, but... he also flinches away from it. he's so twisted up about so much of what he wants and he's really, uh... well. he makes it really hard to get close to him and offer comfort despite how much he desires it. matthias can't say certain things without scaring theo off (and i mean, like, theo will quite literally run away), so he has to talk around what he wants to say and what theo needs to hear to prevent theo from bolting before he can bring him down.

matthias takes a long time cleaning theo up and massaging his muscles after, and he'll hum or talk to himself in polish so theo knows he's still there touching him (but isn't stirred before he comes to himself on his own by english he can understand). when he's finished, he'll ask theo very simple yes or no questions that let matthias know how theo's feeling without outright asking how he's feeling. he also checks on theo throughout the day, but he has to be even more subtle there or theo starts to feel smothered. is your body okay? do you want me to get you dressed? does your head hurt? do you want me to read to you? he focuses on asking about the physical and what theo wants to do rather than theo’s emotions. matthias has learned that asking if theo's feeling okay after is a quick way to trigger a very, very negative response in theo. it's one of the reasons why i think matthias is constantly asking theo in the heat of sex how he's feeling, because that's when theo is so preoccupied by the physical aspect that the emotional effects leak out without him fighting to keep them in. it takes a few months for theo to get comfortable with the feelings he has after sex with him before matthias can really give him proper aftercare. that’s why the sex they have early on is never anything too crazy. matthias coaxes theo into a better place first.

i also think it’s important to clarify that it’s not like they’re always having kinky sex. still, theo usually needs physical touch after vanilla sex as well. matthias himself always craves conversation afterwards, so he waits for theo to stir awake (because he often falls asleep after sex) or come back into his body fully to talk to him.

as for changes to their sex life after they’ve been together for awhile… i believe i've talked about this before, but their sexual dynamic turns on its head after a few years. theo starts to take control of the reins and gets more comfortable asking for and doing what he wants. with theo he just has a lot holding him back and it's only after he's grown as a person and worked past a majority of his intimacy issues that he can act on the desires he's been burying waaay down. there's a sort of brattiness that theo starts to have a lot of fun with during sex—a lot of pushing and prodding, withholding, insulting... matthias is having the time of his life lmao, like he loves being challenged and pushed around. matthias takes on a more submissive role during sex as they age, which is fun for him. plus it's kind of the dynamic they've always had outside of sex anyway. of course, there are never any set roles in their sexual life so i'm not saying that it's always like that, but theo enjoys telling matthias what to do and how to do it. they have a lot of fun with it.

#river dipping #asks #anonymous #oc extras #nsft #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #finally done..... actually patting myself on the back for being able to answer all of these in a day and a half like #normally being asked anything abt my ocs takes me forever to get to bc i just take everything so seriously #......................................exhibit a: this reply jnjhkjfnghk #my ocs are just really complicated so i feel like i have to really expand upon each new bit of information #like theo is NOT ! well adjusted in the slightest #and while matthias can read people very easily it doesn't mean that there aren't times where he messes up #theo is very closed off and he will lash out at the slightest thing that spooks him #and he also... is not really experienced in having good sex yk? so he's so bad at aftercare which i guess is like. well.#good thing your partner is someone who's used to being left to his own devices after experiencing major physical and emotional stressors #matthias can usually take himself out of a scene just because of the nature of his past...#but i think theo does pick up on what matthias does for him after awhile and he tries incorporating it into 'aftercare'#but................. i don't think he really understands what all he should be saying and doing for a few years like not until he's #domming matthias more frequently and has taken the time to look at The Internet lmao jkfjnhkjn i imagine it shocks him a bit #matthias may be good at sex but he does have his blind spots and those normally involve himself… so he never told theo that what he does #for him should be reciprocated………… additionally matthias is very much a giver not a taker #like he doesn’t expect or even really want theo to ask how he’s feeling. but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need that.#….have been rereading this for the last thirty minutes idk why this is what i’m like Yikes ! about responding to 😭#whatever post ‼️ theo isn’t good at sex i’ve said it before who can be surprised he gives zero aftercare

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