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anika-ann · 4 years

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Heart Too Cold, but Friends of Gold - Pt.5

A Long Way (from Where We Began)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word count: 3810

Summary: Avenger!reader AU. Part 2 of Melting Hearts series. Part 1 HERE.

Choices are often hard; being an Avengers just pushes it to a whole different level. Luckily for you, Steve and your friends come with those difficulties as a package deal.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence, angst, fluff

Story Masterlist

────── ·❆· ──────

“Steve?” your mother addressed him gently when she noticed his absent gaze.

She was good. You knew that – she was amazing at reading micro-expressions, even with people she didn’t know well. It came with her job, being sensitive to other people’s emotions, to even make sense of kids’ complicated world, but damn. With Steve, you should have noticed that before she did. And you probably would, but you were a bit… preoccupied.

Your parents meeting your whole team and the talk about everything that had happened since they learned you had died (…not) in the lab incident… it was too much to process even for you; just saying it out loud, admitting what you had done, what kind of a person you had become, it took its toll on you.

Of course, you had told them the good and great things too – about Tony and Bruce figuring out a way to end the escalated side effect on your body caused by the treatment. About Clint, Natasha and mainly Steve being there for you. Steve as a very close friend, which you hadn’t failed to specify, explaining that the different kind of relationship had come later.

And Steve had been there by your side during you narration as a moral support – he had offered to leave you and your parents some privacy (or at least as much as it was possible on the jet), but you had gripped his hand so tight that even the supersoldier had winced. He had stayed then, being your voice when the lump in your throat had grown too big or when you had got overwhelmed by your emotions.

Long story short: it had been a sobfest, but your parents had taken the news surprisingly well, considering. It had earned you a lot more hugs actually.

When you had moved to rather lighter topics – since your parents weren’t exactly talkative about their own life after you – Tony had approached you and stole your dad for a bit, because of course he had noticed the painfully obvious crush you farther had on him. You were glad there was at least something good coming out of this mess.

Anyway, all of that had had you distracted and you hadn’t noticed Steve’s mental absence.

“Yes, ma’am?” he replied immediately, his eyes focusing on her properly. Then he shifted in his position inconspicuously, realizing his mistake. You could tell he was calling himself an idiot in his head, even when it was nothing serious. “I mean… yes, Danielle?”

Your mother smiled mildly. “I understand it can take a while to get used to.”

“That’s no excuse.”

You rolled your eyes, squeezing his hand. It wasn’t as if he just disobeyed a direct order from Fury or something. Which you knew as well as he did that it was something he wasn’t opposed to.

“It is. But to what I wanted to say, Steve… he likes you, you know. Lucas.” Both yours and Steve’s eyes flickered to your father who was still talking to Tony – well, more like listening to him talk and hanging on his lips eagerly. “Just because he’s with Mr. Stark… it doesn’t mean he likes him better.”

Steve’s cheeks went a bit pink and you were punched by a fist of shame to your gut. How had you not noticed that? That Steve was bothered by it? That he was self-conscious? Did he think he could not compare to Tony, at least not when it came to your father’s sympathies?

You fought the urge to just cuddle the poor captain and slap yourself for your ignorance later.

Your mother looked at you pointedly. ‘Explain,’ she asked you wordlessly. You cleared your throat.

“Yeah. There’s no denying that dad has a crush of the size of the Avengers Tower on Tony, okay? He admires him greatly. But… you have so many traits he admires and appreciates, even when barely knowing you. And…” You made a pause, staring into Steve’s eyes intently, making sure he understood. “And he can see easily that I love you. That you make me happy, that you care for me, that you’re keeping me safe… and you would take stupid risks to keep it that way. If this was a contest for guys and I was the prize – you would totally be winning it.”

His lips twitched at the last note, but he made a disapproving face. “You’re not some kind of a prize.”

You smiled at him brightly. “Course not. But that’s not the point, Steve.”

He lowered his gaze, seemingly ashamed.

“I wasn’t… I didn’t mean to-“

You silenced him by a soft peck on his lips and he rested his forehead against yours with a sigh. You were a bit surprised by the affection he was showing in front of your parents – perhaps he sensed how much you needed him close and that was his priority.

“I’m sorry.”

You kissed him again, this time a little longer. “No harm done. I love you. So my family loves you.”

Your words were only confirmed when you retrieved and Steve reluctantly looked at your mom, probably a bit bashful about the ‘PDA’ after all. It was a baseless worry; your mother was watching you with her eyes full of delighted sparks, seemingly more than content by your interactions. It wasn’t too hard to figure out why – you hadn’t been exactly lucky during the years, let alone lucky when it came to love.

And now… Steve. Steve had happened and it was everything. You were so happy with him it was sometimes too hard to believe it was the truth. So naturally, your mom adored him.

“Uhm… sorry to interrupt, I just… I thought you might like to know that we’re going to have a visit at the Tower,” Tony announced as he walked to your little group side by side with your father.

You narrowed your eyes at him and so Steve. Your mum just looked at him with a curious smile.

“What kind of a visit exactly?” you asked suspiciously, already guessing the answer.

He wouldn’t say, but the grimace he made told you enough. It was a mixture of annoyance and respect. There weren’t many people Tony would show respect, at least a little.

The big guy was coming.

Fury.

────── ·❆· ──────

It certainly wasn’t the first time you met Fury – he had been spending rather impressive amount of time visiting you when you had first come to the training centre, before Steve as your supervisor had decided you had been a very low-level threat and you should be moved to the Tower – but his figure got no less intimidating since then.

You knew the man was on the side of the angels, but you were also well-aware he was not one of them. And this was the first time you were about to face him alone.

Steve left the conference room with his jaw clenched so tight you thought his muscles might actually tear, but you nodded at him reassuringly, even when you were totally freaking out on the inside.

“So. How you’re holding up?” the familiar gruff voice asked and you spun to him, surprised. You blinked, processing what he had just said. Did he…?

“Uhm.” You totally didn’t see that coming. You had no answer. “Good. I mean… we are all alive.”

Fury looked out of the window, his hands connected behind his back. He seemed very captured by the view of midday Manhattan, but you knew better than that. He nodded.

“That’s understandable.”

You shrugged, instinctively curling your arms around your torso. Now you got past the polite question you hadn’t expected and the true reason of his visit would come. You might as well get on with it.

“Why did you want to see me, sir?” you whispered and his serious gaze immediately met yours.

Your heart stopped. You were never getting over the fact he only had one functioning eye – on anyone else, the tape would look ridiculous, but at him… it was just intimidating.

He eased the grip behind his back. “Straight to business. Good.”

You gulped. Maybe you could go back to the polite small talk?

“In fact, I was expecting you to reach out, so I did it before you.”

Your lips parted. What? Why would… why would you reach out to-

“About your parents, Agent Anderson. The fact someone had figured out your identity… I was expecting you to ask S.H.I.E.L.D. to keep them safe,” he explained simply and your chest felt suddenly too tight, your ribcage too small for your lungs and heart to fit in.

You had definitely not been thinking that much ahead. You had been just glad you managed to save your parents and capture Michaels and his goons. You weren’t thinking about the next steps, too caught up in the past.

“I’ll make it easy. There are only two options. Either they go underground alone, or you are allowed to come with them.”

Something stung in your eyes without warning at that kind of talk. You had heard it before – but not directed to you, always to the people you saved. Sure, there was a certain level of secrecy around your own persona and the rest of the world, but this… this was something completely different.

“You mean— you mean witness protection, right?” you choked out when you realized you were quiet for too long. “Not a safe-house with zero contact with the rest of the world? Because they can’t-“

“We can arrange both. I understand you don’t want to cut them or yourself from the world completely. But given the leak we’re investigating, there wouldn’t be a single record of where you or they would go.”

You stared at him, millions of thoughts running through your head, all the pros and cons. How fast did you have to decide? Today was just so long and you were too fucking tired for this.

All the buzz in your head curled around one simple thought though – around one terrifying idea. Then came the rest, which was scaring you only a little less.

“When you say underground, no record… you mean zero contact with the team,” you breathed out with difficulty as if something was suffocating you. And it was. The horrible idea of—of- “If I come with them, it’s not just about retirement. I would be cutting off myself of from the team personally.”

From the Avengers.

From Steve.

If you were coming with your parents, it meant losing all of the amazing people you had grown so fond of in the past months with the prospect of never seeing them again – or hearing or anything. Cutting all the ties.

It made you want to throw up.

Fury didn’t even nod this time and you knew it was painfully clear that your picture of the future was very precise. The other option you had, that you hated as much as the first one and it was just as clear.

Yet, he spelled it out for you and you wanted all but to hear the words.

“If you choose not to come with them… you’ll never make contact with them either. You won’t even know where they would go to make sure of it.”

────── ·❆· ──────

You were never more grateful for Tony’s desire to show off his baby – the Tower. He had taken your parents for a stroll and showed them their room, promising you would talk to them later.

Which allowed you to basically storm off the conference room right into Steve’s arms. He wrapped them around you automatically, yet gently as ever.

Before you knew it, he lifted you from the ground and carried you bridal style to your room. You didn’t even know when the words started spilling from your mouth, as painful as unstoppable. You told him everything and in such speed that had you had the capacity for it, you’d admired him for catching it all.

Now you were sitting on the couch glued to each other’s side, your knees bended over his lap, his hand caressing your knee and shin.

“I’m sorry. This… this isn’t fair to you,” he whispered, his hand squeezing your knee comfortingly. His eyes were watching you with honest grief and you couldn’t bear it. With a heavy feeling in your stomach, you looked away.

“It’s not, but he’s right. There’s no other option. Either way, they need to lay low. The only question is whether I’ll be with them, quitting this, cutting all the ties with the team and hope for the best, or cutting ties with them, keeping them safe that way. It’s… I have to choose one of those.”

“It’s not a choice you should ever be forced to make.”

You chuckled humourlessly, covering his hand with yours. He immediately turned it palm up so he could hide yours; it always brought a smile on your face, the contrast. You were no elf, but your hand looked tiny in his anyway.

“You should have never be forced to make a choice of crushing into the icy ocean or not. But you were and now I am. It’s… I’ve already decided, it’s just… it hurts.”

It was the truth. The choice was obvious, in a way. But it didn’t mean you liked it. More like the opposite.

Steve tilted his head, his gaze roaming your face. You could see the hint of fear and anxiety in his features – he didn’t want to let you go. He was afraid you’d leave him. Yet… he was being strong for you. It made your heart ache even more.

“You know no one will judge you if you choose to come with them. I wouldn’t. I lost my parents and there was no stopping it. But you can be with yours if you want to and there is no shame in wanting that. You don’t owe anything anyone here. Not to Fury, not to the team, not… not to me.”

You huffed, turning your gaze to the ceiling. Sometimes you wished you could see the world as clearly as Steve did. The right, the wrong. More than that though, you might wish for him to be angry with you, not to be so kind all the time. To tell you what you were supposed to do instead.

Because choosing was hard. When you didn’t have the control of things, it was difficult and cruel, but you had to deal with it. Choosing and hoping the path you walked was right… that felt worse.

“Of course I do, Steve. And so I do to my parents, but this is not about owing, it’s about doing the right thing and about what’s best for them. I… Steve, I shouldn’t be here.” The fear became more distinctive for a fraction of second before Steve regained his composure and returned to the understanding boyfriend mode. You felt the need to explain. “I don’t mean… not in the Tower, I mean here in general. The kidnapping, it never would have happened if I died as I was supposed to-“

His face hardened, his glare piercing your eyes with deadly seriousness.

“Don’t say a thing like that. Ever. Jesus, Snowflake…”

“I’m not saying I’m not happy I’m alive, Steve. But those are the facts – I should have died. Instead, I killed three people in a split second with my uncontrollable powers and caused my parents a trauma. They are better off without me. All of you are way more equipped to deal with my shit. And I need to do is something for this fucked up world,” you stated the obvious and took a deep breath to slow down.

The levee broke and the words were flooding out without your control once more. You needed to calm down a little dammit.

“You, Steve, you and this team gave me life when I wished I rather died. I owe you everything. I got a chance to do something good and I’m not going to waste it, not for my childish want to be with people I’ll only end up poisoning. All the people should keep their distance from me, you should probably too, but I guess that’s your choice. I’m staying here if you guys will have me.”

It hurt to tell him he should stay away and you didn’t want to do it. But seeing your parents hurt because of you… you hated the idea of you being a reason for Steve getting hurt too. The only difference was that Steve was in danger 24/7 so to speak and he could take care of himself pretty well; unlike with your parents, you could afford to leave the choice of spending or not spending his time with you to him.

Steve pressed his lips together, the corners of his mouth turning down. His eyes softened and still locked with yours, he brought his hands up to cup your face tenderly.

“It was not your fault the scientists died.”

Of all things he could have said, he chose this. It only made the lump in your throat grow when he didn’t comment on you staying here rather than coming with your parents. You blinked away the tears that gathered in your eyes for the millionth time in past 24 hours.

“It was. And even without that being my intention – they are still dead. Three people died to make me this and people I care about got hurt, including you. I… I need to let my parents go.”

Your face still in his palms, still staring at the bottom of your soul, his irises glowed with compassion and a new emotion you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“I love you,” he spoke softly, his voice thick with the very same emotion you couldn’t decode. You covered you mouth to muffle the embarrassingly loud sob that somehow escaped your lips.

Steve sighed, not annoyed, and with mumbled ‘oh Snowflake’ brought your face to his to drop a lingering kiss on your forehead.

“I love you,” he repeated, whispering. “No matter what.”

────── ·❆· ──────

The goodbye that had come too soon – only a day later – took a number on you. You were exhausted, emotionally drained and a barely walking mess of an insomniac. You had been grateful to Fury who had taken off about an hour ago together with your sobbing parents (who had not forgot to emphasize to Steve to take care of you at least three times) for the super-secret hideout, but… even though the situation was pretty much the same as before, with you having a zero contact with them… doing it over again broke your heart.

And since you weren’t getting any sleep, you headed downstairs, where the rest of the team had been trying to squeeze information out of Michaels.

Key word: trying.

He had been refusing to give anything to anyone – not even to Natasha and she knew her way around.

You ignored Steve’s disapproving gaze as you joined his side; him, Tony and Clint were watching Natasha and Michaels in the interrogation room from behind a one-way mirror. Needless to say, it was a sad picture.

“He’s not giving you anything,” you stated and Steve sighed, giving Tony a knowing look. You didn’t understand what it meant. "What?”

“He insists on talking to you – you and you only,” Clint explained and Steve shot him a murderous glare. You raised your eyebrows.

Well. You weren’t exactly thrilled about the prospect of interacting with the scumbag again, but you sure had enough rage in you to keep your eyes open and your ears pricked to his bullshit. Now this was Steve being overprotective, for which you loved him endlessly; but it didn’t change the facts.

“Okay. I’ll do-“

“Ehh- “ “Absolutely not-” “Not sure that’s a good idea-“

“Hey! I can interrogate a person!” you objected to their protests, a bit wounded. You could!

Steve smiled at you gently, trying to keep the concern out of your sight – ha, in his dreams. “No one doubts your capabilities, Snowflake.“

“But the old man doesn’t think we should give this nutjob what he wants, so…”

You threw your hands in the air, already feeling the determination flooding your veins with adrenalin. Oh, you could squeeze him and he would be very sorry for requesting your presence.

You sprang in the direction of the door, hitting the buzzer.

“Hey!” “I really don’t think that’s a good idea-“

You entered the interrogation room, Michaels’ eyes immediately snapping your direction. He smiled widely.

“Hello, my sweetest Ice Queen. What took you so long?”

“None of your business. I’m here now. Talk,” you growled and that cocky bastard just raised his eyebrows in challenge.

“What I’m about to tell you is not for the little lady spy’s ears over here,” he exclaimed confidently.

Natasha’s hand slammed the table right in front on him. That fucker didn’t even flinch, only eyed her, apparently annoyed.

“You’re gonna talk. Right. Now,” the Russian announced, earning a head tilt from him.

You studied him for a second. He was obviously trying to push all of your buttons for fun and he seemed pretty dedicated to his thing. The others had been interrogating him for fucking hours with no result. There really was no choice to make.

“Nat, leave us alone.”

Natasha turned to you with an incredulous look. You could tell she was only acting though. A little act for him to believe he was gaining the upper hand. Damn, she was so sneaky.

“Yeah, Nat, leave us alone. Also, turn off the mikes, would you? I don’t share secrets easily, I have trust iss-“

His speech was cut off by Natasha’s fist. You would never admit it, but it kinda made you jump. Sneaky and scary as hell.

“I’m leaving, but the mikes stay on.”

You shook your head at her, adjusting to her play. Be submissive.

“No. Do as he says.” I’ll tell you later, you added wordlessly as she met your gaze. She nodded with pretended reluctance.

“People behind the glass won’t be too happy about that,” she warned you silently as she passed you.

You gulped. When she said ‘people’, you knew she meant one man in particular. But how you loved her for complying with your wish and the acting, for knowing as well as you did that this was the easiest way.

“Well-aware,” you mumbled and she knocked on the door, exiting the room when it opened. You thought you heard Steve’s protests, but they fell silent as the door clicked shut.

“You’re quite a sight to my sore eyes.”

“Cut the shit, Michaels. Start talking.”

One corner of his lips rose higher. “You might not like what you’ll hear.”

You leaned onto the table with your palms, showing him you were comfortable enough and that you had time. “I’ll take the risk. Let’s start.”

────── ·❆· ──────

Part 6

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So yeah, this is me avoiding not one but two emotionally heavy talks with the parents. It just wasn’t working out the way I wanted it to. I hope it worked for you ;)

Thank you for reading!

Taglist is open, so if you want in or out, send a message or an ask :))

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart, @murdermornings, @elisaa-shelby @ask-hellbent-tweek @cxptain, @kallafrench, @smilexcaptainx @scentedsongrebel, @orions-nebula

#marvel #fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers imagine #captain america imagine #steve rogers x you #captain america x you #captain america #steve rogers #reader insert #mcu #marvel imagine #heart too cold but friends of gold #anika ann

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