#i mean dumb as shit in general knowledge.

[vamptastic]

I kinda vaguely think it may help with my wonky metabolic markers but I have no fucking clue how people sustain low carb diets on a budget. My mom has to follow a similar sort of diet because she has Hashimoto's disease and refined grains (and also some random stuff like green tea) will tank her white blood cell count, but she can still eat whole grains so once she saw a dietician we started to buy whole wheat pasta & brown rice and such for family dinners bc 100% carb-less dinner was untenable. And she still ends up eating stuff that she's not supposed to on accident when going out because we just don't live somewhere where you can buy a low-carb meal out (except a salad, even then she has to ask to have certain things removed). Ironically fast food chains tend to be the most reliable in having a gluten free substitute. On Passover we mostly end up eating fish and lunch is matza ball soup all week. Like how do you do this shit longterm without cracking because whole grains are fucking expensive and cooking without having an easy to prepare carb like rice or pasta is a nightmare.

#Part of this is area like if you live somewhere where a lot of people diet #Even if you're doing it for medical reasons n not ' wellness ' it's easier bc there's just more access to alternatives #And like everybody will crack if it's too difficult. So having somewhere you can go eat a burger with a gluten free bun can be important #Idk PCOS is so wonky with diets that I don't really care to follow anything specific #I mean i think they're dumb in general but they can make it easier to eat healthy without nutritional knowledge #Like if I want to cook I can look up Atkins recipes and just assume they're healthy #Easier for the average person than understanding what each ingredient does #But every diet being focused around weight loss bar those for specific medical conditions (like ibs for example) #Means that following them tends to be A. Not actually healthy and B. make you go insane from being hungry alla the time #I guess I just wish there was an easy way to find meals that will give you energy without making you feel like shit

[soulrph]

chaotic unhinged lines from 2022-2023 (prompt edition).

basically in 2021 i made a list of prompts inspired by lines in tiktok videos and instagram reels that made me laugh so hard i cried! and now i have returned with another list! these may provide an alarmingly clear image of what my sense of humor is (aka broken) but i figure a little levity is always a good thing! more prompts are forthcoming, but in the mean time: bon appetit!

knowledge has always chased you, but you've always been faster.

no... no, that was mango apathy juice. from the farmer's market.

of all these people, you are the one i understand the least. i want to get to know you better, but like, not that much better.

i-i will CHEW YOUR MEAT!! WHAT are you doing?!

ooooh god, no, you wouldn't be long getting frostbit!

you are evil. like a hobbit.

WHY MUST YOU FAIL ME SO OFTEN?!?!!?

i have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

AHEM!! fill my cup.

may god ignore you like you ignored my greetings.

i will avenge you mister van gogh.

call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder. here's fifteen dollars.

you're not in love. you may think you are, you dumb fuck, but you're not.

go ahead and put the ranch away.

sadly, "hopefully" doth butter no parsnips.

forget school, i want to be an italian sandwich.

you shouldn't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster.

you can stop roleplaying now. you're free.

her coupon game was so fucking raw.

i'm sorry guys... he's making a salad.

you could get a straight guy here if you learned to make a good pasta. i'll teach you how to make a risotto that'll get you married and out of my basement.

hey, do you want me to get together a plate of roast beef and hide it in our room so we can have night meats?

it's not the most ethical thing in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

no, children, you're wrong. once upon a time, there was a piece of wood.

and i'm not saying she deserved it, but i am saying that god's timing is always riiiiight.

hydrate or die-drate, ya DICK!

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD.

new york city is a fictional place written up by someone with a sinister mind and a knack for comedy.

this is grindr my guy.

wait, i didn't finish teaching you the difference between human and wolf anatomy.

it's time to tell your grandmother that she was wrong. do not be afraid.

vanilla vodka... you fucking child.

without ash to rise from, a phoenix would just be a bird getting up.

you are fucking alive. do what you want.

why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? this isn't how guys of my generation hang out.

i hope a hedgehog shits in your cereal, you difficult person.

you know, i am not as mean as i would like to be. and i think people should appreciate that more.

see, i am not a kangaroo.

well, i'd like to help, but... you see... not as much as i'd like not to.

rest in peace you fucking onion fairy.

when god sings with all his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

i fight for a seat in heaven, every. single. day.

map maker? can you find me somewhere on the map where this big man thinks he's the king?

you bald-headed demon...

so... there are 24 million pigs in australia... and 24 million people... so if you ever feel lonely, there's like, a pig out there that's sort of your cosmic twin.

remember, alcohol is god's apology for making us self-aware.

i'm straight!! stop CONFUSING me!!!!!

you guys want something to eat? because... i know we'll die if we don't eat.

he is a BIBLICALLY gorgeous man. i wanna feed him grapes. i wanna fan him with the frond of a date palm from the forests of Lebanon. i wanna find the alabaster vial of perfume oil that one woman broke for jesus and comb it through his hair. like... he's stressing me OUT.

i'm not sad! i'm freaking HUNGRY!

maybe, if we wait a little bit longer, a fuck will fall into my hand, and i can give it to you.

it's not my fault you thought you lived in this IKEA.

let's leave my mother out of this.

jason may kill people but he's not bad enough to kick a dog.

i run for LUMP!

oh no, i'm all out of caring, baby!

you don't think it mcbe that way... but it mcdo.

what is this enticing bowl of white?

serious question, do his nipples sparkle?

what in the reese's peanut butter fuck is going on here?

if your parents don't buy it, stop loving them!

i just hope you know just how much you've decreased productivity today.

that was poetry at its FINEST.

and if you let that motherfucker shenan ONCE, you best believe they're gonna shenanIGAN!

may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become petrol in the car that took her mom to the hospital to give birth to her.

that's modern milk for ya. what a time to be alive.

you have attachment issues. please fix it.

remember when people had secrets? we should bring that back.

the moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal.

i don't like the cobra chicken.

i didn't know eggs were this expensive? it's time to lay my own, i fear.

so you're saying the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because i'm not a big enough threat yet.

god gave him a top lip, that's why he's so powerful.

it's a common mistake, but frankenstein was actually the author.

i finally got a pocket-sized diary!!! also i don't get the concept of life.

if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, i will immediately change my view. i've no principles.

how did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?

if so much as one tear drops from their eye... i will slap you back into your mum.

you are ringing a phone that does not like to be rung.

look how Dr. doofenschmirtz had a fucked up childhood but didn't project his trauma onto his teenage daughter. he projected it onto a platypus.

it is mathematically impossible for you to get a wedgie.

i'm breaking up with you. i love you, it's just... i don't think you could protect me from a mummy.

if you can't do fractions....... you will fucking die.

that's right; in the year 1791, all of our bottoms were killed in a Big Bottom Massacre.

people always assume i'm mean. like CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! like WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!

the chocolate milk is strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal; another of god's little tests.

someone's gotta tell the waiter that i ordered mashed 'taters and it sure as shit ain't gonna be me.

if i had a week i couldn't list all the reasons that wouldn't work.

#rp meme #roleplay meme #sentence starters #dialogue prompts #writing prompts

[intuitively-her]

What do they think of your voice?

Pile 1-(Ace of swords, The High Priestess, The Hierophant rx, Page of pentacles, 7 of pentacles, 2 of pentacles, Knight of cups rx, Judgement) *zodiac confirmations: gemini, 8, venus

I'm picking up on multiple energies tbh. Your voice is attractive to many. It's smooth and sexy. You easily swoon your romantic partners with your way of words. I get the vibe that you're an important figure in your workplace. Like maybe you have to speak up a lot in meetings or you're called to do a lot of projects. If so, that's because you're the only person on your team that's trusted to do it the right way. You definitely reap the benefits of the work you put in. Many people listen and look up to you. You may speak up about discrepancies in your workplace or you speak out a lot about controversial topics in general. People really commend you for that. You don't beat around the bush with what you need to say. I heard "I said what I said" 🤣. People sometimes feel smaller in your presence. You're very knowledgeable and trusted by others. It's intimidating.

🩷channeled messages: manipulative, promiscuous, stuck-up, big boobs, uptight, sexy voice, naive, intimidating, trustworthy, confident, competitive, wife, neighbor, husband, sister

Pile 2-(9 of swords rx, 7 of cups, 4 of wands, 3 of cups, 4 of pentacles, The Hermit rx, 7 of swords) *zodiac confirmations: gemini, 12, moon

This is another pile with multiple energies. The vibe you bring is so refreshing. You really help bring calmness into anxious situations, especially social ones. It's something about the way your voice carries. People notice how you're not scared to speak up and take the lead. There is one person I'm picking up on in particular tho. This could be a friend or acquaintance that you have a crush on. I keep getting something about playful banter? or maybe you or this person likes to tell dumb jokes lol. You have a very fun and welcoming energy. People love how you can mix and mingle with many different people. You may like to party or you're just out a lot. There's something about you that makes people realize that there's more to life. Like you help them see the bigger picture in situations. A lot of people become really obsessed with you. You really don't even have to say much. It's mostly your energy.

🩷channeled messages: feline eyes, extrovert, charming, big butt, charismatic, obsessive, wet, possessive, karmic, coworker, sidechick/side mans

Pile 3-(The Star, Justice, 5 of wands, 10 of wands rx, 6 of cups rx, The Moon rx, The Fool, 2 of cups, 5 of pentacles) *zodiac confirmations: taurus, 1, neptune

Im picking up on a close friend of yours, or someone you've recently started talking to romantically/platonically. You could be a public speaker or advocate for something. You fight for what's right and you're not afraid to speak up against others. You may like to debate with others a lot. Some of you may also like to protest. Your tone is very mature and straight to the point. You like to expose the truth about things. You could work within the justice system or maybe you're studying it? I keep hearing "law school". You're unpredictable to others. I heard "jack of all trades" I think maybe people don't expect you to be as blunt as you are or to have as much knowledge as you do.

🩷channeled messages: competitive, narcissistic, sexy, beautiful hair, kind, mixed signals, intellectual, rude, funny, shit talker, boss, older woman, "single white female", fake friend, red hair, younger woman, big lips, older man

Pile 4-(King of cups, Queen of swords, 3 of pentacles, 7 of swords rx, Knight of wands rx, 6 of swords rx, 7 of cups rx, The World, 9 of wands rx) *zodiac confirmations: cancer, 11, pluto

Your tone may come off a little harsh at times. You tend to give people a reality check. I don't think you do this to be mean tho. I think you may feel like it's the only way you can get your point across at times. You're quick to tell someone off. I also feel like you're able to read people and situations pretty easily. Some people feel like you hold onto anger. This could be family or people close to you. I feel like a lot of these people misunderstand you a lot. Like a lot of what you do or say is taken out of context. You can actually be very compassionate and caring at times. Im picking up on a sneaky link energy. I feel like you may keep the sweet parts of yourself hidden tho. You hide your true self from people a lot and you don't really follow the crowd. People notice this.

🩷channeled messages: egotistical, intuitive, cheerful, pretty skin/skin tone, cold, sarcastic, big d*ck, tall, loud, short, moles/birthmark, lean body, freckles, mental illness, one night stand, player, brother, soulmate, ex-friend

#tarot #tarot reading #pick a card #pick a pile #pick an image

[max1461]

What does this question even fucking mean?

I apologize to this random reddit user, who I'm about to put on blast, but this question is such nonsense and it's nonsense in a way that is extremely common, especially on r/askphilosophy (where this was posted) but also just in general, and I want to talk about it.

First of all, as the top commenter points out, a "philosopher king" is a hypothetical type of ruler discussed by Plato, not a real category of king that actually existed. But I can forgive this user for not knowing this is where the term comes from, because it's just a piece of factual knowledge that they might not have. That's fine. The reason I find this question so dumb is because, like... suppose that "philosopher king" was a real category of ruler that existed in antiquity. What the fuck would it mean? Like, did this asker ever stop to think "what question am I asking? This category that I'm inquiring about, what defines it?"? No, they did not. They just heard a term and started using it without thinking about what it actually refers to. This is the ur-problem of like 80% of all bad thinking: speaking first and figuring out what you mean by it later.

Is a "philosopher king" just a king who happens to also be a philosopher? If so, then surely you can answer your own question about the existence of "philosopher presidents" by just googling around for world leaders who happen to also have philosophy degrees or whatever; I imagine that information is easily available. But if this is what you mean by "philosopher king", then the question doesn't seem very deep or interesting, right? I mean a king is just a guy, and a president is just a guy, so of course it might be the case that sometimes these guys happen to also write philosophy.

I suppose if the question was framed this way—"are there any recent world leaders who are also philosophers?"—I wouldn't find it so silly. But the way it's phrased sort of suggests that the asker believes there's some kind of like, underlying pattern they're noticing, or deeper meaning they can ascribe to this. Like a "philosopher king" is some special ontological category of ruler, beyond just "king who also happens to have written philosophy", and so the existence or not of "philosopher presidents" is like a fascinating and puzzling topic to ponder instead of just an incidental question about whether any world leaders who use the title "president" also happen to do philosophy.

Right? Do you see what I'm saying? It's like this user heard king Solomon or whatever the fuck referred to as a "philosopher king" once, and didn't even bother to try to parse what that means. Just went "I guess there's a special type of king called a philosopher king, I know this piece of information know". It's like an abdication of actually thinking about what anyone is saying to you.

Of course I'm inferring wildly based on a small amount of information here, but this is the general type of error that I see all the time, so I'm not really concerned with being appropriately epistemically cautious about whether this exact thing is what lead this user to ask their dumb question on r/askphilosophy. I'm riffing on this guy's question to articulate a broader point, and pattern matching it to a common thinking error.

I will say, though, r/askphilosophy seems to attract people who say shit that is dumb in exactly this way (as opposed to all the other ways you can be dumb), and so this has served me well as model for what these people are doing wrong.

Anyway, this is actually the root cause, one suspects, of the asker's knowledge gap that I mentioned at the beginning of the post. A "philosopher king" is not in fact some special category of king that really existed, but an idea discussed by Plato in the Republic. It's fine that this person doesn't know this, but if they had tried to figure out what "philosopher king" actually means before saying it, they probably would have learned this fact.

If I could give one piece of advice to everyone on Earth and have them really take it seriously, it would probably be "think about what you mean before your say it".

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 3.1

I thank my lucky stars every night that Yoko eventually got sick of playing secret-keeper.

Paul: I didn't leave the Beatles. The Beatles have left the Beatles . . . John said he wanted a divorce. Alright, so do I. See how they say “Beatles” and they mean each other sometimes?

Derek Taylor on John's position on the break-up: if Paul were to approach him and say “let's do it together again” he probably would; with no more words, he would probably do it. Which is an insane claim to make to a world full of people grieving the greatest band to ever exist unless you are very very sure of that probability. But if it's true that that's all it would have taken, and Paul didn't do it? That hurts my head a little. Do we think he was just hurt too bad to want it back? Do we think he didn't know he had that kind of power? Do we think he was glad to be free of the group?

Ugh my heart can't take it. I'd cry too, John, watching that. I mean look at how they are looking at each other. Look at everything they've lost in a year. I'd bawl like a baby too.

Paul sends John a long, thorough letter, begging for them to legally end their partnership outside of a court. John's run out of cards at this point, but he still doesn't want to lose Paul, so he's just going to play dumb.

This is how bad he doesn't want to lose him, actually: he goes along with Klein in tricking Paul this time. Calls him up and asks him to come to the studio for a jam session, because it'll hurt his case in court. But for multiple reasons – the Eastmans were knowledgeable lawyers, and Paul might not have even wanted to be in a room with John at the time anyway – Paul doesn't come. Which John would've been hurt and angry over, no matter his motives.

"They tell you to stop crying at about age twelve. Be a man. What the hell's that?" I'm so proud of John for his (albeit long and backsliding) journey out of his toxic masculinity and violence. Something I honestly don't see him achieving without Yoko.

And from that quote it transitions to Paul in Scotland, looking like the embodiment of depression, as the opening of “Isolation” plays. It's perfect.

“And don't try to come over here. Or you might get in some trouble.” The way he just froze when he saw them filming him and then the next thing we see is him threatening them? Get ‘em, babe!

John sounds so giddy about this one-upping competition with Paul. I'll scare him and then he'll scare me!

The whole Lennon Remembers era is such a terrible case of diarrhea of the mouth in general, but the amount of homophobic language is quite striking compared to how John talked before and after.

John, talking about George in Rolling Stone: "he was working with two fucking brilliant songwriters and he learned a lot from us." People read that quote and just parrot it like they do with everything John said in this period and act like George had nothing to be angry over. He had every right to be much angrier and hold a much bigger grudge than he did.

And about George's new record, which was phenomenal and brilliant, John is transparently jealous and so cruel. If he'd said that about me and then asked me to play on his new record I'd tell him to go to hell. Why did George do it?

See and everyone who knows John knows how much he loved Brian and to hear him speaking so crassly and cruelly about Brian must've been a sure indication to them to just take the entire interview through that lense of “oh he's just saying shit”. But that's only the people who knew him. Everyone else for the rest of time took this shit as constitutional. And it pisses me off. It should be locked away in a vault somewhere and no one is allowed to listen to it until they've passed some kind of Beatles and emotional intelligence tests.

This crushes my soul. How warped must his definition of love have been by that point that he genuinely believed Phil Spector and Allen Klein loved him more than Paul and George did? It's bonkers.

John in 1967: all you need is love! John in 1971: the point of life is to manipulate people. . . . What the hell happened to you, buddy?

I go back and forth as to who's the smarter PR person: John or Yoko? Because maybe she's right. Maybe they shouldn't divulge that they're master manipulators. But is this one of those times when it's good to be all “look how honest we are about this! We're not hiding anything! We're saying bad things about ourselves too! So you should believe us about everything else!”

Really this documentarian should be hired to make all the music videos for all the Beatles and solo songs. This one for “Too Many People” is perfect. Paul walking into court with a full beard and a confident stride, John and Yoko in bed, Paul horse riding overlayed on Linda's gorgeous face like she's some goddess, designing his fate. All of it is just pure brilliance.

I'm forever laughing at just the title of the song, too. Because to John and Yoko it was so important that they were Weird and Off-putting. Different. Revolutionary. And to say “no. You're not special. There's actually an excess of people like you.” Is so funny to me.

“When she wants an A side, that's when we start fighting.” Oh gosh. Remember how I said he backslides a lot in his feminism journey? Yeah…

Insanity quote Hall of Fame. Yeah, I know he meant to say it's weird to be best friends with a woman. But it sounds like he's saying it's weird to fuck a woman. Which maybe he subconsciously means both idk.

Paul: we need to legally dissolve the partnership because it's the only way we're attached anymore. Ouch. Okay it's true. It's deserved. But that must've stung for the guy who was terrified of losing people. Must've sent him into fight or flight.

I think the point of this framing is to say that if they'd had facetime back then, instead of just crackly phone lines, HDYS would not have been written. Not with those puppy eyes staring him down like that.

Interviewer: the song wasn't even funny though. John: well I think it's hilarious. Interviewer: hmm. Lol I love hearing interviewers talk to John about his lyrics like he's a real guy doing a real job, though. Imagine a music critic now saying John Lennon wasn't clever in his lyrics. You can't, yeah. Me either.

What a slap in the face to Cynthia. Guess she wasn't Cool Girl enough. Should've gone girled him. That would be an excellent fic. Cyn and Jane gone girl their idiot bfs and John and Paul realize they're in love on death row. But anyway, yeah. If Paul would've just pet John's head . . .

Another absolutely bonkers thing to say. That's something the Rockstar’s ex wife says in a documentary ten years after he's dead, not something a songwriting partner says, completely unprompted, in an exiting the band interview.

And then he goes off on what I see as a self-soothing diatribe on Paul the family man. You can see the hoops he jumped through to get himself there. What did Paul want that I couldn't give him? A family. And is that justified? Absolutely not, only pussies and conservatives want families.

Allan Klein: were you and Paul ever really close, then? John: no. John: not that I didn't love him. I did. It's just that every time I let my guard down, he hurt me. Holy shit. At this point, after getting hit in the face with so much of John's Paul-made pain with nothing from the other side but pictures of the happy McCartney family, I'm genuinely feeling quite angry at Paul. Me. An extremely biased Paul girl who knows it's far more complicated and multi-dimensional than this. No wonder the uninformed public fucking hated his guts.

And as they're showing this quote, “I didn't want to hurt you,” plays mournfully in the background. They really are so twisted up in each other there's no separating individual identities.

Okay so he's a psychopath. So what? He's the sexiest man that ever was or ever will be. He's allowed to be a horrible person. No, but really. He's Get Back Paul but healthier. He's done with his depression drinking and he's been spending a lot of time proving he's still useful enough to exist by building fences and shearing sheep.

And this is how Paul talks about George to interviews. John said Klein made ATMP a success but Paul disagrees. "George recorded it all, wrote it all, did it all, wasn't anything to do with [Klein]. It was George's victory, wasn't it?" Compare that to how John does it and tell me again why the hell George is Team John?

What is Paul's obsession with daddies? Actually I know exactly what the obsession with daddies comes from, but we won't get into that here. I do find it interesting that in ‘69 he's saying “we do need a sort of central daddy figure.” And in ‘71 he's deriding John needing one and won't let John's daddy of choice touch him with a hundred foot pole.

I tend to think Paul chafes against authority in general, but that's actually not right. He never had a problem with George Martin. I think it's just abusive authority or authority he doesn't trust yet.

#paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #ringo starr #george harrison #yoko ono #linda eastman #understanding lennon mccartney #ulm

[mailjeevasfan]

can i request headcanons of the death note boys proposing to their gn!s/o?

ty for req this is adorable

-light, l lawliet, matt, mello, near, matsuda

-death note x gn!reader

༺♡༻

dn boys proposing to s/o ❦

light

he’d either do something really big and romantic or something rly small no in between

ok but seriously if he did something big, it’d be really elaborate and carefully planned. idk maybe you guys went on a vacation and he does a traditional on one knee proposal on a beach or something. very pretty and expensive ring

either that or just kind of a ‘we just should get married.’ but i mean i definitely prefer to imagine the first one

༺♡༻

l lawliet

probably doesn’t know what he’s doing at all let’s be real

i can imagine him carrying out some kind of elaborate plan to send u on a crazy mindfuck adventure to eventually reveal the proposal LMAO i hope that made sense

like a scavenger hunt or some shit

(my main point is that his proposal would probably be very unconventional)

again, it’d probably be either that or just a ‘let’s get married.’ but in his case i think it would be more heartfelt

༺♡༻

matt

can u imagine him making a game with a proposal encoded in the end… is that really dumb… cmon that would be adorable

matt probably has the ability to create his own game with his knowledge in technology and his general fixation on video games so i can totally see him doing something like this. especially if you guys play games together a lot. even if u don’t tbh

but even if it’s not that, i feel like matt would do a very casual proposal. don’t get me wrong he’d definitely put thought into it and would be so so adorably nervous but i don’t think he’d make it a big deal at all.

but like i say he is very very nervous and absolutely overjoyed when you say yes

༺♡༻

mello

he’s definitely a confident guy, especially in this context. he wouldn’t be afraid to do it in a very bold way, like in a public space. he isn’t afraid in the slightest to show his love for you at this point, even if it hasn’t always been that way. although if he knew that you wouldn’t want that then i don’t think he’d do it

in short he’s gonna come right out with it lol. he’s gonna be bold. when you said yes he was super happy but also probably not surprised cuz he’s a cocky fucker (he has every reason to be tho 😁)

༺♡༻

near

a very unemotional person but honestly?? i think he’d be scared as SHIT

this is one of the only times you’ve seen him so nervous, and you probably shit urself too. i mean cmon when does near act like this? you thought something bad was gonna go down

he would probably just present the ring and awkwardly look at the ground whilst asking you to marry him. he only looked at you once you said yes, and his smile was the most genuine you’d ever seen

༺♡༻

matsuda

he is a very romantic guy to me and he is going to carry out the most thoughtful proposal ever.

he’d probably be like ‘surprise!!! dinner at fancy restaurant!!’ or something similar to that, like a trip or something

i can also imagine you catching on so quickly. he tries his hardest to hide what he’s planning but you realise what’s going on. bless his heart. luckily, you’re going to say yes. and he probably cries and spins you around in his arms when u do icl

༺♡༻

#death note #mail jeevas #mello #mihael keehl #l lawliet #matt #death note x reader #light yagami #near #near x reader #mail jeevas x reader #mello x reader #light x reader #l lawliet x reader #matsuda #matsuda x reader

[kissesforsatoru]

Hello,

Can I ask for some yandere Mikey Sano headcanons?

pairing : mikey x gn!reader

summary : general yandere hc’s for mikey

⤷ cw : NSFW 18+, general yandere themes, violence, threats, kidnapping, unhealthy relationships.

– mikey is the kind of yandere that would fall for his darling just by them doing the simplest thing for him. maybe you ran into each other and felt so bad that you offered to cook him some food as an apology. he's not really interested at first, and quite frankly, he couldn't care less that you ran into him. he understands it was an accident, there's no need to go to such lengths to apologize for something as little as this. but whatever, you keep insisting and mikey knows draken would be disappointed if he denied someone just trying to be nice.

– so, as he sits in your kitchen, waiting for you to finish cooking, he can't help but watch you. he observes you carefully, trying to understand what kind of person you are. if you're dumb to be inviting a stranger in your home, or just genuinely naive. and then you set the food in front of him and start to explain how you usually eat alone, and that you really appreciate him for allowing you to cook for him. there's a sad smile on your lips that he just can't ignore, and a feeling of want over comes him--he wants to know you, he wants to protect you, he wants to have you.

– and oh god, once you have mikeys interest, it's over for you. the second he decides he likes you, you're his. it's as simple as that--if he wants you then he has you. nobody can refute him, certainly not you or your family that doesn't even care enough about you to enjoy a meal with you, not even draken can control mikeys urges towards you.

– and mikey absolutely is not patient. he won't wait for you to come to him, and he won't try to win you over or manipulate you, he just takes you. he genuinely thinks you're his, so he thinks he has the right to you.

– he's very clingy, like suffocatingly clingy. you're never allowed to leave his side and he always has to be touching you. he likes to have you in his lap specifically, but he's okay with you holding your hand or having his arm around your waist--holding you so tightly against him that you can barely even squirm, let alone leave. he likes to cuddle you, and if he could, he would just sleep all day with you tucked nicely in his arms, or with his head on your lap so that you can gently run your fingers through his hair. he really loves it whenever you do that.

– mikeys also incredibly possessive. if anyone so much as looks at you they're a dead man. you're his pretty angel, no fucker should get the privilege to look at you. and if some dumbass has the gal to try and take you from him? shit, rip to them cause i honestly think mikey would actually kill them without hesitation. but his possessiveness means that he's also very strict with you. you can't do anything without asking him first, and you're especially not allowed to go anywhere without him. he needs to be able to protect you at all times, and he can't do that if you're off with family or friends, or if you're decide to do something dumb without his knowledge. but that's okay sweetheart, all you need is him anyway. he'll give you everything you could ever want, so just stay with him, kay?

– to mark you as his he'll probably make you get a tattoo. most likely his name so that the proof that you're his is literally ingrained into your skin, but that bonten tattoo would also work for him. other than that, you'll be covered in hickeys all the time. mikey can sometimes get lost in thought while he's sucking on your pretty skin, far too engrossed in leaving his mark on you to realize that you're squirming uncomfortably cause your skin is so sore. and no matter how many times he tells you he's sorry and that he'll try and be gentler next time, he doesn't mean it. he likes seeing you covered in his marks, and he loves kissing your sore skin better afterwards too.

– mikey would absolutely adore you, especially in bed. he takes his time showing you how much he loves you by kissing every inch of your body, and he'll definitely make you come on his mouth a couple of times before he even thinks about fucking you, and he does all of this while telling you how perfect and precious you are to him, you're his everything and he's gonna make damn sure you know it. he can't ever have you doubting his love and adoration for you. when he finally decides it's time to fuck you, you'll see stars. he's so attentive and hits all of the right places that make you scream and writhe, and goodness, he fucks you so good you probably won't be able to talk properly afterwards. and his aftercare is top tier too. he carries you to the bathroom and leans you against his chest while he bathes you, kissing your skin where it's sore and rubbing you soothingly. god, you're so well loved by him.

– but as much as mikey loves and cares about you and wants to keep you safe, if you ever defy him or try to run away, he will take care of this behavior thoroughly. he doesn't like doing it, but he will hurt you. slaps, punches, cuts, bruises--he'll do it all as long as you learn to listen to him in the end. he also doesn't mind isolating you or depriving you of basic necessities like food and water, and you definitely won't be getting his attention during a punishment. i really don't see this happening at all because it goes against everything, he's worked towards with you, but if you do something really terrible, he'll act like a heartless bastard towards you and call you really disgusting, degrading names to make you feel absolutely worthless. it's not pleasant or something you'll easily be able to ignore.

– just be good though and he won't have to do any of that. you can stay his pretty little lover that he adores, and you can stay right by his side forever as long as you obey him.

#[niko requests 🐰] #yandere #yandere imagines #yandere x you #yandere thoughts #yandere headcanons #yandere hcs #yandere x reader #yandere mikey #yandere manjiro sano #yandere manjiro sano x reader #yandere mikey x reader #yandere tokrev #yandere tokrev x reader #yandere tokyo revengers #yandere tokyo revengers x reader #yandere boyfriend #yandere things #yandere mafia #yandere themes #dead dove do not eat #tw obsessive behavior

[angelkhi]

hi! i loved your fic about abby so much! really one of the best I've ever read <3

can you write hcs about abby and how supportive she would be with her girlfriend being a volleyball player? like.. help her before an important game, the sexual tension when they argue after reader lost a-and all

thank you for everything!

i hope i did this justice! thank you so much for the ask and the kind words!! <3

prefacing this by saying my knowledge of volleyball (and most sports in general) are ranked somewhere between -0 and 0%. (i’m a formula 1 girlie i like cars going zoom)

this is generally sfw but it gets a bit smutty as per (minors do not interact i know where you live i’ll make your parents take your phone away😡).

pregame!abby who gives you snacks and water, feeding you information on the other team (which you’re sure is not allowed).

pregame!abby making you a playlist to hype you up, sneaking silly songs in there to make you de-stress a little.

pregame!abby sitting you on her lap, hyping you up in front of your teammates, whispering in your ear how good she’s gonna fuck you if you win.

wholesome pregame!abby who kisses you on the forehead, who tells you “go get em baby” before every game. (she can’t resist swatting your ass as you leave).

pregame!abby getting all handsy with you, riling you up before the game so you can take it out on the other team.

pregame!abby letting you re-braid her hair when you get all nervous and fidgety before a game.

game day!abby who wears your gets mouthy with the ref over every tiny incident, standing off to the side arms crossed.

game day!abby who cheers louder than anyone else, shouting “that’s my girl” every time you score.

game day!abby trash talking the other team, pretending it’s someone else when the ref looks her way (she’s on her final warning).

game day!abby giving you pep talks between sets, making sure you rehydrate, reassuring you when your team is down a few points.

postgame!abby letting you sit silently in the passenger seat, hand on your thigh. after a loss she knows you’re disappointed in yourself even though it was a team effort, but she also knows coming at you glass half full will just piss you off.

postgame!abby doing little things, running you a bath, stocking up on your favourite snacks, ordering your favourite takeout, putting on your favourite movie even though she thinks it’s dumb.

postgame!abby who’s been waiting for you to snap, knowing that at some point all of that self depreciation and anger is gonna come pouring out.

postgame!abby knowing that you’re not angry at her, nor do you mean to take it out on her but she’ll take it if it makes you feel better.

postgame!abby refusing to touch you until you fix your attitude, making your moods even worse. it’s a game of cat and mouse, who will cave first? (she knows it’s you)

postgame!abby doing everything she can to get under your skin, lingering touches only to deny you later on, sitting you on her lap lips tracing your neck, fingers skirting along your hips until you reach a breaking point, then nothing.

postgame!abby finally having enough of your bratty behaviour, pinning you down against the plush sofa, completely overpowering you, crowding you with her scent and her touch not giving you what you want until you ask her.

postgame!abby who definitely edges her pretty girl until she’s quite literally on her knees begging for it, and then overstimulating you until you’re a blubbering mess. she’s so in tune with you, she knows it’s exactly what you need to release that tension. to finally talk instead of pushing her away.

postgame!abby who praises the shit out of you. yeah you both get off on it, but right now she’s all about rebuilding your self esteem and a little bit (a lot) of praise never hurt anybody.

postgame!abby with the sweetest aftercare, bathing you, wrapping you up in the comforter, hydrating you, feeding you, letting you talk. telling you how proud she is no matter if you win or lose.

just sweet abby and her volleyball girl <333

#anons 🫶🏾 #anon request #khi says hi #angel khi #abby anderson x f!reader #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson smut #abby anderson hcs

[cricketnationrise]

some sentence sunday 24.4

is this thing still on?

i have a lull at work which means i have time AND brain space for actual words to get written! so pls enjoy this extra bit from my big bang fic that i'm sooooo close to finishing and really excited about. thanks everyone for the tags today and the last month, you're all below the cut bc there are so many people that have tagged me its overwhelming (affectionate).

Nora assumes that there is actual football being played based on the level of noise around her, but she’s fully focused on June and the rest of the cheerleaders for the first half of the game. The part of her brain that’s always on wonders if there’s an equation that could predict what routine June or the cheer coach will call the squad to do next. She knows there are some routines for defense and some for offense, three options for when the team scores, some more general pep and tumbling ones, and a specific routine they use whenever the marching band plays the fight song, plus a halftime routine. There’s bound to be some way to track the statistics of each and build a predictive model that’s relatively accurate, but Nora would need more data, like a lot more. She’d also need, unfortunately, a much more in-depth knowledge of football, which she absolutely refuses to engage in. So while the math likely checks out, Nora isn’t going to be the one to do it. Alex keeps her from dying of boredom for the rest of the game, happy to snark with her about the other team (she’s not dumb enough to talk shit about her own team while smack dab in the middle of the bleachers), make up fake names for all the fancy football plays, and generally treat the marching band like their own personal karaoke machine, belting out the lyrics of everything from Carry On My Wayward Son and All I Do Is Win to Seven Nation Army and Tequila and every song in between. She even gets into the spirit of the whole thing enough to dance like a maniac when the drumline goes ape-shit at the end of the third quarter. She catches the pleased disbelief on June’s face when they make eye contact over fancy flying drumsticks and tumbling cheerleaders and tries not to blush in response. In fact, Nora’s almost won over to the idea of sporting events in general and football in the specific for the atmosphere alone by the time the game ends.  So it’s even more fucking annoying when Evan goes and ruins it.

sincerely, thank you for the tags while i've been drowning in sets and stage effects and scenery strikes and six day/ten hour weeks for the last month i saw them and appreciated! it was a delight seeing all your wip wednesdays and sentence sundays and last lines - definitely helped keep me sane!

@kiwiana-writes @celeritas2997 @cha-melodius @rockyroadkylers @inexplicablymine

@hgejfmw-hgejhsf @cactusdragon517 @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @magicandarchery @leaves-of-laurelin

@itsmaybitheway @indestructibleheart @tailsbeth-writes @porcelainmortal @anincompletelist

@firenati0n @three-drink-amy @adreamareads @wordsofhoneydew @14carrotghoul

@sherryvalli @ships-to-sail @xthelastknownsurvivorx @affectionatelyrs @rmd-writes

@suseagull04 @iboatedhere @onthewaytosomewhere @getmehighonmagic @heysweetheart-writes

@happiness-of-the-pursuit @tintagel-or-cockleshells

and tagging: @sparklepocalypse @dumbpeachjuice @missanniewhimsy @the-lincyclopedia @montrealmadison

@cheesecurdsgravyandfries @everwitch-magiks @anchoredarchangel @smc-27 @clottedcreamfudge

@orchidscript

plus an open tag if anyone needs/want the excuse to post as well

-💜🦗

#cricket writes #some sentence sunday #rwrb #a royally big bang #junora #pov nora holleran #can we tell i used to be in marching band? #plus my brother was on the drumline #so i've got OPINIONS

[utilitycaster]

Hi! I saw your tags on the escape room poll that Team Liam would be last and I wanted to ask why? While I agree that they wouldn’t be first, I wouldn’t put them last either. Do you think they would just have too much conflict to use their skills?

I didn't realize this was from last night's 4SD and because OP said "Battle Royale" I assumed that it was in some way a combat-oriented escape room, in which the lack of a dedicated/significant healer (Vax has, what, 30 lay on hands and a couple low level spell slots) and the fact that Orym is one decent but not incredible tank among two of the most tissue-paper characters in terms of HP would spell their defeat.

With the understanding that this is a traditional escape room here's my thought process:

From my escape room experience there are four skills that map easily into D&D skills and one that does not map into the D&D character skill chart but does map extremely well onto players. They are:

Investigation/raw intelligence. How good are you at inspecting and comprehending things?

Sleight of Hand/raw dexterity. How good are you at manipulating objects/fine motor control?

Persuasion or Intimidation/raw charisma. How good are you at convincing people to work together or perform tasks?

Perception. How good are you at generally noticing things right away?

The most crucial thing, however, is "do you try dumb shit and push buttons and try to figure out everything quickly." And so:

Toss up between Travis and Sam's character teams in terms of the D&D skills; Chetney and Veth are both particularly suited for escape rooms between strong intelligence and high dexterity. I think Sam's team overall is probably stronger; Tary's mechanical knowledge and FCG's desire for everyone to work together and Scanlan's general buffing abilities/capacity to get people to do what he wants (presumably win) mean everyone has a lot to bring to the table. FCG is the only one with decent perception, iirc, though, and Travis as a player is fundamentally a button pusher and therefore his characters will inherit this energy even though Chetney and Fjord are going to be carrying the entire thing (although, actually, Grog will probably respond well to being asked to perform tasks or look for things).

Taliesin's characters have the combined skills but unfortunately with the except of Caduceus they all have the trait "does not work well with others" and Ashton and Percy in particular wouldn't listen to Caduceus and they're the ones with the most relevant skills here. Beau could do an escape room on her own and probably would (note: someone told me this is what Marisha said on 4SD and I agree wholeheartedly) but necessarily will be less effective than groups who work together. Vex would do pretty well and would be competitive enough, but none of Laura's characters are particularly expert in investigation and if Vex and Imogen clash it is 100% over in terms of getting out in time, though I think Jester would make a valiant go of it. None of Ashley's characters crack +1 in investigation and no one has 20 dex, and I doubt most would be interested or competitive about this, though I do think they'd get along the best by far.

Rounding things out, I suspect that Liam's characters are just behind Taliesin's in terms of conflict; it won't be quite as heated but I get the sense all three of them, all of whom are very much about working together with their respective parties, will not be very good at working together with each other, and Orym is the least likely to take the lead despite most suited for it. Caleb is extremely smart but I don't think he'd be the most invested in going super fast. I don't think they'll be last - Ashley or Taliesin are more likely - but they'd certainly not be first. The NPCs, meanwhile, have the advantage of two people who know each other well, a very agreeable and mature person in Eshteross, and Essek and Allura will probably vibe solely on the basis of being wizards who know and like Caleb if they don't know each other personally yet. Iirc Essek and Eshteross should have decent dex scores though not 20, and everyone has diplomatic skills. I believe Allura's wisdom is respectable as well. They'll certainly be the most well-behaved and adult about it.

In conclusion, you're right, probably not last (would almost certainly be last in the combat scenario I mistakenly imagined) but absolutely should not be first.

#answered #promisetourself #cr tag

[augenblicklich-lila]

cod incorrect quotes #12

HEY GUYS. Just fyi, I'm back. Was gone for like a month because this account got shadowbanned (wrongly, I'd like to add) and it took this long to get it fixed but I'm super grateful everything is back to normal and I can go back to posting! Love y'all ♡

the usual jazz, mainly Y/N/Reader stuff, platonic and romantic. ♡♡♡

- Lila

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛ ♛ （ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)つ━━✫・*。 ⊂　　 ノ 　　　・゜+. しーーＪ　　　°。+ *´¨)

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛

Soap: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Ghost: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Y/N: I recorded the dumb stuff. Alejandro: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Gaz/Rodolfo: WE TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

Gaz: You know those things will kill you, right? Ghost, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point. Soap, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process. Y/N: Nods while eating raw cookie dough

Price: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life Soap: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back Ghost: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! How did you find this old thing? Gaz: I knew I lost that potential somewhere! Y/N: Mental stability, my old friend! Price: Price: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Price: What’s something you guys are better than Ghost at? Gaz: Mario Kart. Soap: Yeah, video games. Y/N: Emotional vulnerability.

Y/N: Bye Rudy! Bye Soap! Bye Ghost! Bye Alejandro! Bye Rudy! Soap: You said ‘bye Rudy’ twice. Y/N: I like Rudy.

Price: Anyone d- Gaz: Depressed? Ghost: Drained? Soap: Dumb? Y/N: Disliked? Price: -done with their work…what is wrong with you people…

Gaz: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one! Soap: Tubular AF! Y/N: Mood to the max! Price, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it. Ghost, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.

Ghost: Nothing in life is free. Gaz: Love is free! Soap: Adventure is free. Price: Knowledge is free. Y/N: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

Rodolfo: What does 'take out' mean? Soap: Food. Gaz: Dating Ghost: Murder Y/N: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Gaz: Shit. Ghost: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Y/N: OH MY GOD SOAP FELL OFF!!!

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛ 　 ∧＿∧ （｡･ω･｡)つ━☆・*。 ⊂　　 ノ 　　　・゜+. しーＪ　　　°。+ *´¨) “Hie thee home, little wanderer.”

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛

#cod #call of duty mw2 #cod mw2 2022 #cod incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #call of duty x reader #cod x reader #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #captain john price #kyle gaz garrick #oc #x reader #alejandro vargas #rodolfo parra #könig cod #imagines #ghost x reader #soap x reader #price x reader #gaz x reader #alejandro x reader #rodolfo x reader #soapghost #ghostsoap #alerudy #y/n #my post #phillip graves

[lovable-liar]

IDK IF UR STILL LOOKING FOR BASEBALL SCHLATT but as someone who's played softball for years, and who's brother played baseball (meaning i was always dragged out to his games) this is what i can say:

- he's always trying to get you to do something baseball adjacent w him, especially if you don't play it/anything similar!!! for some reason, one of the best dates i had was when i was seeing this guy who played tennis, and he took me to a court so i could try it. i was kind of crap but we laughed so much that istg i fell in love. if you're good he's either trying to play off how impressed he is (or is super vocal abt it, depends on how u see it), and if you're bad he's teasing you with the biggest shit eating grin on his face (he means well, sort of)

- if you go to his games, he will absolutely try to get you to kiss him for good luck. like actually begging you to slip over to the dugout, so he can kiss you through the fence before he goes out on the field or to bat. probably just trying to show off that he's got someone.

- somewhere along those lines are how big his eho gets when you cheer for him. especially if you're super loud (and even if u aren't). like that's his personal cheerleader!!! definitely gloats about it (no one gaf but he doesn't either - he's yapping about it for sure)

- you already know how competitive he is. im pretty sure he mentioned he was first baseman, which is such a core position on the feild. as soon as that ball is hit, you NEED to get it to first before the runner gets there. so much pressure for sure, especially since being under pressure to get it to first always made my throws shitty. and yeah, he's great at his position for sure, but no one can be perfect. definitely seeks your comfort after losing a game, ranting about how the opposing team was so shit, there was no way they could of won (denial), or just about what everyone did wrong (especially if they're "stupid mistakes").

- sometimes (at least when i was younger), even when someone was batting, they'd send the next batter out to practice their swing on the side of the field. schlatt is probably just mostly staring at you, getting you to wave at him just so he can do something stupid like winking at you or blowing you a kiss.

- is he always at practice? probably. does he always ask to see you after? yeah. he wouldn't even care if he's still sweaty, he'll collapse into you like you could hold him up. definitely has almost killed you that way.

- final thoughts: butt. baseball guys have big booties. i don't make the rules, that's just how it is. do with that what you will. ik he's looking way too good in his uniform.

I am currently employing people with good baseball knowledge and the skills to dumb said knowledge down enough so I'll understand, but you didn't hear that from me.

If you're already good at baseball, he feels a little butt hurt.

HE was supposed to teach you how to play!

HE was supposed to be stood behind you to show you how to hold the bat!

HE was supposed to show you which hand to use when pitching!

Not some random P.E. teacher!

But alas, at least you're pretty fuckin' good at it.

He get's so competitive, he almost forgets he's steps away from becoming a professional baseball player and that he should probably (definitely) tone it down a bit.

But, if you're not so good at baseball, he *does* get to teach you all of those things!

And he's reeling about it <3

"You know how to play?"

"No, not really, but I'm willing to learn!"

"Oh, you're willing to learn, are ya? Well! Lemme teach ya."

~

"So, ya wanna get to one of the stops before I can catch ya out, yeah?"

"Gimme ya hands, I'll show ya how ta hold the bat."

"You a leftie? 'Cos ya gonna wanna be a leftie pitcher. Rightie batters can't see nothin' comin' when ya pitch with ya left. Ya got the advantage."

He loves watching you improve over the course of your three hour long date.

He definitely goes easy on you.

If you have mobility issues (like I do) or if you hate running in general, he probably takes a little longer to retrieve the ball or he'll stumble when catching it so it falls just out of reach so you can walk over to the stops.

But he absolutely loves seeing you get all competitive, running as fast as you can.

He'll probably stay pitching 'cos he knows he'll hit it out the park if he bats.

At his games, he picks out a specific seat that he dubs 'your seat'

Doesn't matter if you're home or away, he's got a specific seat, right in front of the fence next to the dugout, that's entirely yours in his mind.

"Sorry buddy, that seat's taken. No, I know it probably says this is ya seat on the ticket, but the seat's taken! Look, dude, there's plenty of other seats, now, move."

Absolutely begs you for a kiss through the fence.

"Just one? A tiny one? A tiny peck? Just a peck! On the lips? On the cheek? On the nose? Just one tiny peck on the forehead! Toooots, yer killin' me here! You betcha lucky star I'm givin' you the fattest, wettest kiss on that mouth of yours once I get into that dugout."

And he does!

You've got him wiping your saliva off of his mouth before he pitches, just to make even more of a thing about having a partner and how much he loves you.

If you're a super loud cheerer, you've got him BLUSHING

And even if you're not, he's still all bubbly like a school boy with a puppy love crush when he merely thinks about the fact that you painted his colors on your cheeks.

"Yeah, that's my one, right there. Shut the fuck up, they're not loud! They're passionate."

"Yeah, that's my one, right there. The one there! Shut the fuck up, they're shy! They're not bored."

When his team loses a game, he blames it on one of three things.

1. The other team.

"They fuckin' cheated! Multiple times! If I find out that ref has somethin' ta do with them, well, baby, that just fuckin' goes to show how corrupt that team is. Swear to god! Since my pa was playin', he always warned me 'bout 'em."

2. Other players on *his* team.

"Fuckin' fielders don't know what they're doin. 'nd don' even get me STARTED on that fuckin' pitcher! Looked like a newborn deer! Who pitches like that?! 'S slow, and sloppy. Looks bad for the team! I tell ya, I could do so much better than that if Cap gave me one fuckin' chance."

3. Basically anything but him - if the other team played 'fair' in his eyes, and if his team played good too.

"Fuckin' sun was in my eyes."

"I knew today wasn't gonna be ours. The fuckin' wind told me."

"Too goddamn cold. NO IDEA what those motherfuckin' refs were talkin' about 28°F, it was too goddamn cold to be playin' today."

"Ya gotta stop lookin' so cute, toots! Swear. Gonna make ya stop comin' to my games, 'n you know how much I hate it when ya don't come to my games."

"You got me BLISSFULLY IGNORANT, sugar! Ignorant to the fuckin' game goin' on! God..."

When he's practicing?

WHOO BOY

He's making a show of it

Flexing reaaaaal good

Popping his ass out

Yes, yes I did just write that.

He'll wave at you, wink, blow kisses, pretend to eat you out/suck you off-

You two definitely have a secret handshake

#jschlatt x reader #jschlatt #jschlatt fluff #schlatt #schlatt fluff #schlatt x reader

[zeldadeservesabreak]

I thought people would be smarter about the news of a Zelda movie, but nope… we are descending into Mario Movie levels of hysteria over nothing.

And I do mean nothing. Miyamoto just announced they’re beginning development on it. Not production… development. That’s industry code for pre-pre-production. No one has been cast. No one has been enlisted to make the costumes, sets, visual effects, or even script yet. This is literally just the beginning talks about how and what they want to do.

Nintendo is a very SAFE company. They don’t generally take big risks if they can help it. That’s exactly what they did with the Mario Movie. They played it safe. They got big name actors who all played their roles as safely as possible, and the film made a BILLION DOLLARS. They did the same with Detective Pikachu. Not a bad movie, but a bit of a sleeper hit.

And that’s what we are going to get out of a Zelda film. Big name actors, fantasy special effects and cgi, Link will talk and he’ll sound completely normal, and the writing on par with other Nintendo made films. It will be a solid B+ to A- film at its worse, and a A++ at its best.

This is being produced by someone who helped work on Into the Spiderverse and it’s being written by someone who wrote Detective Pikachu. Nintendo has favorable relations with both parties already, which is why they trust them to work with. This is what I mean about Nintendo playing it SAFE. They’ve already worked with these people before so they know what to expect and what they’ve produced has been good.

Remember that producer and writing credits are not quantifiable metrics. The guy who wrote Superhero Movie and The Hangover also wrote Chernobyl and The Last of Us.

And for those people freaking out about Marvel and Tom Holland… stop it. No, seriously STOP it. No one has been cast in this film yet, but because you dumb-shits are having aneurisms about Tom Holland all of the news ai bots are picking up on your chatter and reporting it as news. And if enough of those reports get picked up by news outlets, Tom Holland’s agent will probably submit him as a contender for real. So if you REALLY don’t want him to play Link… STOP MANIFESTING IT TO HAPPEN!

I’m so annoyed right now.

I’m annoyed at the internet and it’s ability to cause people to freak out over nothing and turn what should be a good thing into a nightmare for no good reason.

I genuinely don’t understand how fans of Nintendo can’t see beyond the last 5 minutes. ANYONE with a basic knowledge of Nintendo’s history will understand that this is 100% completely on par for them. There’s nothing to worry about. You’re repeating the Chris Pratt is Mario freak out all over again, and that ultimately turned out FINE.

So please….Stop it.

#zelda #tears of the kingdom #zelda movie

[ganonfan1995]

totk slab quest/general spoilers:

The slabs seemed to address my main question: Why did Rauru want to establish a kingdom in the first place?

I've come to believe "guilt" was the driving force behind his actions, especially considering that the Zonai's primary motive for staying and playing god in Hyrule for so long, was so they could mine zonaite from the depths. Since we know that monsters originate from the depths, I think it can be inferred that the opening of the chasms brought the first wave of monsters to the surface.

The slabs also mention how the monsters had been tormenting the surface dwellers long before Ganon/The Demon King, appeared. This is why Rauru and Sonia placed the light shrines on the surface. It is likely that Sonia was advising Rauru on this matter specifically, before their union.

The other Zonai seemed to have left by choice, probably when the zonaite deposits started drying up, leaving Rauru and Mineru behind. Rauru already had a keen interest in learning about and interacting with the surface dwellers, so that may have played a part in their reasoning for staying as well.

From my observations, it is apparent that Rauru believes he possesses innate wisdom beyond his own capabilities. He perceives surface folk to be less sophisticated than himself, and critically, less capable of becoming a danger or threat. Even when warned by Zelda, a girl from the literal fucking future with knowledge about the dangers of getting close to Ganondorf or allowing him access to the magical stones, Rauru still believes he is one step ahead and tells her to chill the fuck out...Like okay dumb ass.

While Rauru's intentions are good, he lacks perspective and critical thinking skills because he considers himself marginally wiser than anyone other than Sonia, who seems to keep him in check most of the time. (thinking abt the cutscene where they first meet Zelda, a lost and terrified youth, and he literally cannot find it in himself to be empathetic for 5 seconds. 0/10 dad energy)

I find Rauru fascinating because he is driven entirely by his emotions. He is so determined to do what is right that he is consistently caught off guard by his own mistakes. He's such a house cat of a king, someone grab a spray bottle.

tl;dr I think Rauru felt bad for the actions of his ancestors and was like "I alone, could fix this" while making shit much worse b/c he's an emotionally driven idiot, who cannot remove himself from his own station of being, slightly better than the average surface dweller.

Anyways, no good kings in Hyrule, glad this theme is still consistent.

(I still haven't beaten the last boss so no end game spoilers if I'm entirely off base)

[EDIT] - I use the word "slabs" when I mean "stone tablet" from the "messages from an ancient era" quest. My short term memory is so very special and unique.

#talking abt rauru

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hi!! I was wondering if you could do something for Junkrat x reader, where the reader is a totally and utterly hopeless geek?? Just knows so much shit about computers, robots, just machines in general far more then they do with other people?? Please and thank you!!

Junkrat w/ a geeky!S/O

WAHOO!! Hope you enjoy!!

Lightly teases you, but not in the mean way, if that makes sense? Though he will cut it out if you tell him you don't like it

Introduces you as his "super smart and cool y/n", has his arm casually slung across your shoulder as he has this huge grin on his face

Regardless of if you're a shy and soft spoken geek, or a confident and self assured geek; Jamison is gonna wreck anyone who dares say anything mean about you or your interests

Doesn't fully understand most of the things you ramble on about and work with, but boy can this man listen

Literally sits down and looks at you with these big ol eyes as he lets you talk... probably one of the few times he's still and focusing all his attention on something

Goes to you with "brilliant" ideas of combining your knowledge of tech, and his knowledge of explosives in some sort of funky collab

Looks like he's about to combust if you actually agree to one of his ideas

He can relate to you on the whole "understanding (interest) more than understanding people" thing; I mean he only really has Roadhog by his side, and sure, they get along.. but outside of that I feel like Junkrat struggles with connecting intimately with others, add in the fact hes always giving 110% of his energy..

He gets it, really

Purposefully asks dumb questions about tech related stuff just so he can see your eyes light up, because in your eyes you came to him for answers and that look you get just makes him soft on the inside

#overwatch imagines #overwatch x you #overwatch x reader #overwatch junkrat #overwatch #overwatch 2 #junkrat x you #junkrat x reader #junkrat

[apoptoses]

would you be so kind as to explain Daniel as the latin bro tiktoker and how it affects the household dynamic

okay SO off the back of your excellent Marius Discovers Tiktok posts-

Sometimes I like to think about how he originally got on the app because of links that Daniel or Armand or even fuckin Benji sent him, and he'd be patting himself on the back when he figures out how to stitch videos and make his own tiktoks 'correcting' historical information. And ofc because it's Marius he thinks he's the first vampire to be sneaky posting on there and he takes great pride in how modern he's being, doing right by his old Roman ancestors spreading the truth about history, etc etc

Until he finds Daniel's account scrolling his for you page lmao And for those NOT IN THE KNOW there's this dude on tiktok who's studying ancient linguistics and constantly getting stoned and like, rapping in old Egyptian lmao Or translating memes in ancient Sumerian and generally making ancient language shit posts in between actually making education videos where he gently reads people down for spreading incorrect linguistics facts.

and I JUST THINK that would be Daniel lmao He's learned all this history from Marius, all these old dead languages and how they were pronounced and he's bored and wants to do something with that. And he's just so personable that people eat it up, he's got like minimum 60k views on every post.

And it just eats Marius alive hahaha Like on one hand he taught Daniel all that he knows, right?? He's proud that his fledgling's fledgling actually absorbed his lessons and is out there able to put knowledge into the world.

But ON THE OTHER he's burnt up inside about how Daniel gets so many fuckin views and people praising his account in the comments when TECHNICALLY Marius is doing the same kind of stitches correcting people and getting crickets half the time, or horny comments from booktok people who are hot for what a cold, harsh professor he is and aren't actually taking in the facts he's trying to put out there😂

And like he's too proud to ask Daniel how to game the algorithm or what he's doing wrong, and just texts him links to his old Egyptian rap videos with disapproving emoji, and sometimes when they're on the phone he chides him for making a mockery of the great cultures of the past.

(Daniel isn't dumb though, sometimes he throws him a bone and stitches one of Marius's videos being like 'yeah this dude nails it, you guys should follow him'. And Marius doesn't acknowledge the thousand extra followers he gets from that, just tells Daniel he's not required to promote him simply because of their relationship, but Daniel knows that means 'thank you' in emotionally constipated old man)

So YEAH, Daniel's success causes a little tension at first but it settles into something nice because he knows posting something real dumb gives Marius an excuse to gently scold him when they're apart. And like when they're together maybe he takes a sneaky video of Marius trying to set up a fuckin ringlight or something so he can get better video of some old text he has, and Daniel holds onto that draft for blackmail purposes lmao

(Meanwhile Armand is off making 'watch me restock my guest room drawers' videos and everyone in the comments is bewildered by the lack of hygiene items and consumables. Like vampires don't need toothpaste and deodorant and mints, so it's all weird shit like the little toys you get from gumball machines and ink for fountain pens for the vampires who visit who prefer to use tools from the time when they were mortal)

Whew who knew I had so many thoughts on that, I could go for days on this subject lmao

#apoptoses answers #vc headcanons