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kittymaverick · 4 years

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MCF: Black Crown commentary part 2 and overall review.

Spoilers! Though I’m going to post the spoiler free quick review up here.

Another great MCF game, I dare say, despite me constantly having to look away because of my fear of skulls. I’m a little sad that somethings weren’t explored a bit deeper, but overall the plot fits the MCF series, the art was of good quality, the puzzles were of the right difficulty. Not sure when and what the next game is, but I look forward to it if the quality keeps up!

1. [And then the walkthrough spent a full 5 minutes on a complex door puzzle] I was wondering when those would show up. MD: ...I’m more surprised no one sneaked up on me while I was going about this...

2. MD: Hm, maybe I should light this thing-- *Lights the entire passage way* Great, now they know we are here! MD: ...I was never meant to be stealthy, you know...

3. That’s... a somewhat floating ship, albeit on chains. MD: Seriously, they sailed that thing back from Louisiana?! What were they going to do instead, take a plane?

4. Girl: Hi there, also, look what I have. Doctor and Nurse: Help? MD: I KNEW IT. NOW WE HAVE A HOSTAGE CRISIS. Guess we aren’t deviating too far from classic MCF blunders after all.

5. Phineas: Let’s parley! MD: Sure! Give me the doctor and nurse, and I won’t burn your whole estate and ship down down. ...And the girl? MD: He can keep her. If there’s anything I’ve learnt, is leave no survivors to take revenge. Doctor and Nurse: Detective, no.

6. Phineas: Anyway, fix my ship until it’s seaworthy, and they go free, deal? MD: You’re gonna renegade anyway so is there even a point in me agreeing? Phineas: The other ghosts were right, you really are a spoilsport. MD: I’ll also like to point out you have at least 11 conscious subordinates to do your bidding still. Surely THEY can do SOMETHING.

7. A... tavern. MD: The fact that this is the first time I’ve seen a tavern surprises me. That’s a weird, sea monster, thingy, up there...

8. MD, please tell me you’re coming up with a plan to redrown this ghost, again. MD: Hm.... MD, please... MD: I mean, I’m thinking of a word that begins with m, can you guess what it is? Murder? MD: ...I was going more for mutiny, but sure, murder works too.

9. You know, one thing that’s nice about Phineas as a villain is he shuts up and let you do the work. MD: Ah, the sound of a tense peace and quiet... that is not at all pleasing. Time to blow some stuff up just so we can disturb it some. Wait WE’RE IN A CAVE--

10. [One controlled detonation and a ship released later...] MD: Okay, now hand over those hostages! Phineas: Bargain’s fulfilled. You can have them back. MD: ...What, really?! Phineas: I’m just missing some treasure though. Well, more like ONE PIECE (ahaha, ahem, sorry). My sword is missing. Can you get that for me? I’ll release the girl. MD: One, why would I even want that when she wants me dead? Two, I’m pretty sure that mutiny happened in the Americas. How on earth would the sword be here in England-- Phineas: I said A mutiny, not THE mutiny. MD: ...Oh. Still, do I have to rescue the girl? Doctor and nurse: Um, YES?! MD: Oh FINE, I’ll go play the hero... Phineas: I’ll be waiting in the captain’s quarters. MD: ...One, that sounded VAGUELY suggestive, two, you’re going to sink me with you, aren’t you?

11. MD: BTW, you two are taking this ghost pirate ship thing insanely well. Nurse: Um, we DO work at Manchester asylum, for one thing. Doctor: That and we’ve had to deal with you, once upon a time. MD: ...right, that, explains everything.

12. MD: Okay, that’s a lot of treasure on the boat. Maybe you can ask Her Majesty to loan us the army on account of rescuing some treasure? MD: She likes stories better. Awww.

13. Hm, a curse and a priestess... wonder who that priestess might be... MD: At this point, it could be any of the supernatural beings I’ve encountered.

14. Another skill the MD has: diving. MD: Can’t believe all those licensing lessons are paying off.

15. MD: Okay, got your sword! You can spring your trap now! [Ship sails away from the dock] MD: ...That’s one way to isolate your enemy, I guess. Maybe you should check for gunpowder before seeing the captain? MD: I really should do that, shouldn’t I?

16. [Inside captain’s quarters] Doctor and Nurse: Hi. MD: ...SERIOUSLY??? WHY DID YOU COME ON BOARD?! Phineas: Ahem, so the girl? MD: Yeah yeah, give her to the doctor, I don’t care. Phineas: Good! Off ye go, lass, and welcome aboard as my new crew hand, detective! MD: .............Haha, real funny-- Doctor: Remember that contract you signed? That was the service contract. Also, thanks to you, we’re immortal now. MD: ...I fucking knew that paper wasn’t just something random, AND ALSO OF THIS INEVITABLE BETRAYAL! *clench fist* Oh, as for immortality... I’ve got my feather, all good, no thanks.

16. Doctor: So long as the ship sails and we’re on board, we’ll have an eternity to enjoy them! MD: ...Okay, thanks for telling me how to stop you. Time to look for those powder kegs! Phineas: Damn minions, why can’t they keep their mouth shut.

17. Crew member... something: Find me some navigation charts! Another Crew member: I need a new target to throw at! MD: What am I, your servant?! Phineas: Well, judging by the contract, ya probably are. MD: ...You are going to love what I’m about to serve all of you. At least it wasn’t a prenuptial contract or the like, right?

18. Crew member I’ve-lost-count: Thanks for the extra hand! ...I guess they’re still a little insane after all... MD: Not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing... Crew another: I need to feed the bird, but the bird isn’t here... but I need to feed the bird, but-- MD: ...Let’s go with good for now.

19. [Fire a canon] Phineas: Which one of you did that?! MD: *whistles and goes downstairs*

20. MD: He... stored her remains in the FIGUREHEAD??? ...Wow, at least it wasn’t you, right? MD: Not at all helping!

21. MD: Got all the needles, now... HEY PHINEAS! Phineas: Wha? MD: I got a bunch of needles, and guess who’s gonna get stabbed? Phineas: Traitor! This is mutiny! MD: In seriousness, did you really expect me to serve you willingly? Phineas: No, but I didn’t expected you to be this stupid and try to rebel so early! MD: Oh you bloody... *Stabs doll like crazy*

22. Phineas: Wait until I’m free! I’ll rain all the wrath upon ya! MD: Nice try, now I’m going to take the crown, and also this other thing from you... now stay still while I go break the curse. Phineas: You will regret this! MD: I already don’t regret this! 8D I think for once, the MD might be having a bit too much fun tormenting their foe. 23. Phineas: NOOOOO MY SHIP!!!! MD: Off the sides, everyone! Take your leave before it’s too late-- AAAAHHHHH. You would think the voodoo priestess would be nicer and not drop you into the ocean like that. MD: I’m just thankful I’m alive, honestly. Girl: Also, thank you for saving me. MD: ... Dammit I didn’t exactly mean to do that... Oh well, just, please don’t come after me again. My life insurance is getting worse with each attempt. Phineas: *cackles from under water* MD: Oh shut up you ectoplasmic goop. I need another vacation-- Hey, a letter from Louisiana! Time for that American holiday, right MD? MD: *sighs*

[Extra content start here!]

24. So, guy’s got horucruxes. MD: What’s up with people putting pieces of their souls into stuff, huh? It mostly explains their state of mind, to be honest.

25. Only death can find you... creepy... MD: I mean, they’re not wrong. Death’s almost found me many times. And actually did find me that one time...

26. OOOOOHHHH that’s the shopkeeper’s body alright... MD: Welp, guess I’m on my own, plus that southern guy out there. Southern guy: Oh, she’s dead? Well, then I’m out. Keep the amulet to protect yourself! MD: Yes please, I no longer do search and rescues. At least not unless it’s paid well.

27. AAAHHHH TREE MONSTER THINGY! MD: AMULET PROTECT ME PUT THE JAW BACK PUT IT BACK *Thing collapses into dust* MD: ...Oh that was easy. Yeah, guess that’s over-- FLYING SKULL FLYING SKULL MAKE IT GO AWAY! (Kitty has nearly passed out from too much skull exposure at this point)

28. MD: Okay, into the crypt-- oh that’s a lot of skulls (Kitty once again passes out from too many skulls...)

29. Ghost: Heard you hate Phineas too, so we’re gonna help you get him. MD: Great! How do I-- Ghost: Just gotta find his skull among all the skulls here, good luck. MD: ... (Kitty is just gone) MD: Welp fuck me.

30. Ghost: Assemble the four great pirate elements! Wade: Teeth! Terrel: Tentacle! Joe: Eye! Wayne: Pistol! Ghosts: Together we are...! MD: ...A match-3 puzzle??? REALLY????????? Thank you for not making it skulls...

31. MD: FOUND YOU. GET OVER HERE AND BURN TO ASH! Phineas: Ehehe, you missed a tooth! MD: ...fuck.

#Mystery Case files #black crown #big fish games #eipex games #MCF

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millicent231-watt · 5 years

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(Noragami) - God!Reader x Yato

Anime / Crossover: Noragami

Songs: None

Request: No

Modern AU or just AU: No

NSFW/R-18: No

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SOME STORY SPOILERS INCLUDED THROUGHOUT THIS STORY

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sasaki (Weapon: Saki)

"Sasaki, let's go." I tell my Regalia as she turns back into her human form. "Hai!" She says happily as she skips next to me, making our way back to our Shrine. I wasn't a well-known goddess, but good enough to get a simple shrine to spend our nights. "Huh? Why's he here?" She asks and I look to where she was pointing. My eyes widen slightly and my breathe hitches before I click my tongue. "Oi! What do you think you're doing here Yato?" I yell as I walk closer. "Ah! You're here!" He says as he runs at me with open arms. I step to the side as he launches himself at me, letting him faceplate into the ground. "I...i...i...itai!" He says as he rubs his head. "Serves you right. What do you want?" I ask as I help him up. "I wanted you to meet my new friends!" He says happily, causing me to chuckle. "Alright, where are they?" I ask and he drags me away. "Saki!" I yell and my weapon flies to my hand. I run alongside Yato and as we approach one of Tenjin-sama's temples.

"Guys, guys! I found her!" Yato yells and I see a girl and boy, who look around the same age...teenagers. "Oh, you must be Y/N-sama." The girl says before bowing. "A half-phantom?" I ask as I see her 'tail'. "Yeah! And this is Yukine!" He says as he pulls the young boy in front of me. "N...nice to meet you!" He says with a bow. "GAH! Yukine, you perv! You're stinging me!" Yato says and the two start arguing. I chuckle a little and let Sasaki out of her weapon form. "He never changes does he?" She asks with a smile. "Nope, not at all." I say, chuckling at the two. "Ano..." I hear the girl say as she walks closer. "Yes?" I ask as I look at her. "How did you meet Yato?" She asks and I smile. "It's a long story." I say. "Y/N-san made him the man he is today." Sasaki says with a smile. "The man he is today...does that mean you changed him from the scary, mean god he used to be?" The girl asks and I nod.

"If you mean back when he back when he fought alongside Rabo, then yes." I say and she smiles before bowing. "Thank you!" She says. "Huh? What for?" I ask. "For making him nice...I've seen him angry and I wouldn't want to live in a world with a god like that." She says. "What's your name?" I ask. "Hiyori. Hiyori Iki." She says. "Rise." I say to her and she gets up from her bow. "Hiyori-chan, if you believe the person you loved was or could be good, would you help them?" I ask and she thinks for a second. "Yes, of course!" She says. "Exactly, so what I did shouldn't be anything worth thanking me for. I did it because he was the man I fell for and I knew he could do god." I smile at the two boys continuing to bicker.

"Y/N! Make Yukine stop calling me lame and stupid!" Yato says as he fake cries and runs to me, wrapping his arms around my stomach. "It's your fault, BAKA!" Yukine says. "What are you two fighting about?" I ask as I pat Yato's head. "He said I was a lame, stupid, puny, jersey-wearing god who takes stupid cleaning jobs and doesn't even have a temple!" Yato cries and I rub his head. "Calm down Yato...I'm sure he didn't really mean it. He'll apologise." I say with a soft smile before changing my smile into a threatening glare towards Yukine. "Won't you Yukine?" I ask and he apologises to his master. "See?" I say to Yato. "WAHHH! Y/N, you're so cool!" He says as he rubs his head in a 'no' manner against my stomach.

"So what's your deal? What're you the goddess of?" Yukine asks. "I am Y/N, goddess of children." I say. "Ah! I've heard of you! My mother used to read me and my brother stories about you when we were little." Hiyori says. "That's my job. To protect the children, animal or human, from the corrupted phantoms. I'm sure Yato told you that only animals, children and people like you and me can see them." I say and she nods. "So how did you two meet?" Hiyori asks and I freeze for a second. "I...it's a long story, one I'd rather not talk about." I say as I tighten my hug slightly on Yato and look away.

Sasaki's POV

I watch my master sadly. "Y/N-san..." I say to myself. "Well, since it's been SOOOOO long since we've seen each other, how about you treat us to sleeping at your shrine?" Yato asks her, causing her to giggle and smile a little. "Sure, I don't see why not." She says and he puts and arm around her shoulders. "Let us move forward! Toward warmth and food!" He yells happily before walking with master towards our shrine. I sigh and follow behind them with the other two.

Time Skip (Your POV)

"Ah! It's so nice to finally have a warm meal!" Yukine says as he puts down his drink. "You're still a good cook Y/N!" Yato says as he finishes his meal. "That's a good thing for you, huh?" I say as I get one of the shrine girls I had to show Yukine and Hiyori to their room. "What about meeeeee?" Yato whines. "Well, I've run out of space, guess you'll have to sleep outside." I say. "WHAT?! Nooooo!" Yato says as he grabs onto my arm and begs for me to let him stay. I laugh a little. "Don't worry Yato, I was just joking. You can stay in my room for tonight." I say. "Pardon me milady, but there are some more spare rooms left if Yato-sama would prefer one of them." I turn to the shrine girl that had proposed that offer. "I said he could stay in my room, no discussion. Go tend to the garden with Tonyu and Miyu." I say. "Yes milady. Please forgive me for interfering." She says before bowing and walking off.

"Why are you so set on me staying in your room?" Yato asks as I walk him into my room. "It's been a long time Yato...I missed you." I say with a slight blush. I hear him chuckle slightly as I let go of his hand and close the door behind us. "I missed you to Y/N..." He whispers as his arms find their way around my waist. "Bullshit...you left me behind and....and I didn't see you since." I say. "Yeah, I know and I'm really sorry about that." He walks me over to the bed and sits me down. "2000. It's been 2000 years since I saw you last...you couldn't have missed me..." I say. "Come on, don't say that. I missed you a lot." He says as he pulls some hair out of my face. "How about we just get to sleep? You must be tired." I nod my head and take off the kimono I wore inside my shrine. I hang it up, ready to be worn the next day before turning around and seeing Yato folding his tracksuit and placing it on my dresser. "Yato, let's sleep...I want you to hold me like you once did." I tell him as I wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his chest. "Alright, I will." He says as he walks me to the bed and lays me down next to him.

Time Skip (Sasaki's POV)

"Sasaki-san, could you please inform lady Y/N that the garden has been tended to?" Miyu asks. "Hai." I say before she bows and I walk off. I knock on Y/N's door. "Y/N-san? I have a message from Miyu." I say. No response. "Y/N-san?" I ask as I open the door. I carefully walk into her bedroom and see her curled up next to Yato. He places a finger to his lips. "Shh." He says and I nod. This is the most peaceful I've seen Y/N-san... "Sasaki, was it?" Yato asks and I nod. "U...un." I stutter quietly. "Did Y/N ever tell you, or anyone else here about what happened when we were last together?" He asks. "N...no, she never says much about it and always says it's something she'd rather not talk about." I say as he gestures me into a chair. "Well there's a reason for that...but you and her other Regalia's should know about it." He says.

FLASHBACK (Yato's POV)

It was back when I was known as 'The Evil God'. I was taking out yet another selfish request from someone who wanted their family dead. What this person hated was that their parents, grandparents, basically everyone was fawning over a new baby boy who was brought into this world. The mother had given birth just 3 months prior to this request. Anyway, when I got there someone was blocking the whole village with a barrier. Y/N walked out of the borderline and towards me. "Who are you and what do you want with these people?" She asked me. I told her it was a job, one I would carry out. She sighed heavily and called "SEKKI!" Her weapon flew to her hand, a beautiful katana. I could tell just by looking at it it would be powerful, that's why Yukine's weapon name is the same, I could tell he was powerful. One of the children behind her, one that couldn't have been more than the age of 6, begged her not to hurt me or kill me. Y/N just smiled, called back her weapon and turned to the children. "Alright." Is all she said before my weapon, who is now a Nora, flew out of my hand and towards her. It was the first time I felt remorse and sadness, so all I could do was watch as Nora stabbed her repeatedly. Nora stabbed her once more before I called her back and Y/N fell to her knees. I pushed Nora away and ran up to Y/N, hoping she would still be alive. "Aw, I was having so much fun. Why'd you stop me?" Nora asked. I told her to get away, to never come near me again. To this day I regret ever making her one of my Regalia. I tried my best to help Y/N, so we got to know each other pretty well. Once I told her who I was, she wasn't scared or shocked or even the least bit unhappy. She just smiled, placed her hand on my cheek and said: "Not any more." She told me if I really was 'evil' than I wouldn't have helped her when I did. Soon after she got a shrine and we entered a relationship. It was good but...

END OF FLASHBACK

"But you were complete polar opposites." Sasaki says and I nod sadly. "I left shortly after realising how different we were. I left for 2000 years, without ever letting her know why...But now that we're more similar, I'm hoping to rekindle our relationship..." I say as I brush Y/N's hair with my fingers. "Yato...stop boring Sasaki with a history lesson." She says as she looks up at me. "Y/N!" Sasaki says hastily as she stands up quickly and bows. "Calm down Sasaki, I'm not mad. But tell the others about this for me, an official statement from me." She says and Sasaki nods, bows again and runs out the room. "Uh, how much of that story did you hear?" I ask nervously. "Enough." She says before closing her eyes again. "Thank you for coming back." She says with a soft smile.

#noragami #yato #yato x reader #x reader #reader insert #spoilers

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jokerfan99 · 5 years

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'Friendly' Reunion by Necroceph

*RVB Opening Theme*

In the mess room, at Blue Base

Now that's a hand! Tucker thought to himself. Four kings and an ace. He's on a winning streak and had just won another of Kai's little 'toy' collection and Caboose's Master Chief 3: The Sang-Man movie disk. He turns his eyes away from the cards and to his opponents. Behind those visors, must be faces riddled with worriedness and fear. He could even hear Kai breathing heavily through that helmet. Confident to win this again, he raises.

Tucker: Raise!

He grabs something from beneath the table and puts it on the table next to his other pile of stuff he has betted none has yet to win. First his stash of porn, his XBOX 1000 and now a rocket launcher aka the SPNKR.

Tucker: Behold the SPNKR! Now who has the balls to beat Tucker The Undefeatable! Kakaina: No fair! I've only got a few stuff left to raise with! Caboose: And I'm running out of Master Chief movies! Tucker: Well you could just give up and walk away. As they say, there's no shame of losing. Kakaina: Ohho I'm not walking away! How about this, I'll bet you... for ME! Weiss: My God, woman. Don't you have any dignity in you?

All players turned to see Weiss standing by the doorway.

Caboose: Hi, Weiss! We're just playing poker. Wanna play? Weiss: Ugh, poker? Why of all games would you all be playing something that involves wasting all of your earnings? Tucker: We're not betting with money, we're betting our stuff. Kakaina: Yeah and this asshole took all of my toys! Weiss: I don't want to think about that. Anyways, stop playing and head upstairs! Tucker: Why? We're heading to the good part. Alright you two, prepare to face the wrath of my hand! Weiss: Our 'friends' from Red base are at our doorstep you dope! We- Tucker: SHH!!! No talking please. Alright you two, prepare to face the wrath of my hand! Kakaina: Bring it!

Tucker reveals his four kings. Kai reveals two pairs, eights and nines. And Caboose... does not reveal his yet for whatever reason.

Kakaina: NOOOOO!!!! Tucker: Fuck yes! Make sure you wear something nice tonight! Caboose, show us yours. Caboose: Uhm, Tucker, can I ask you something? Tucker: Shoot. Caboose: If I win, does that mean I can have all your stuff here? Tucker: That's right, if you can. Muahaha! Caboose: Okay!

Caboose finally revealed his hand. Tucker was about to laugh in victory, but instead he gasped in horror once he witnessed Caboose's hand. A straight flush! One of the few hands that can beat four kings. The Teal One drops his head onto the table in great defeat. Tucker's stash is now Caboose's!

Caboose: Hooray! Tucker: NOOOOO!!!! Kakaina: Pfft HAHAHAHAHAHA! Looks like the 'Undefeated' just got his ass defeated! Haha! Tucker: Not my yearly porn stash! Weiss: Hehehe... ahem! Now that you're all done playing, can we get back to the matter at hand? Caboose: C'mon, Tucker. Let's go see what my brother and his friends want. Tucker: I don't wanna... sob! Kakaina: Oh don't be such a baby!

Outside the Blue Base.

Sarge: First my markswoman's rifle, NOW MY WARTHOG? Your Blue existence disgust me! Church: Well sorry, I've must've mistaken it for a trash disposal truck cause uh... it kinda look like one. HA! Sarge: Why you dirtbag... Ruby: You're such a nasty bunch! Simmons: Yeah and it took us four hours to get the smell off! Lopez: ¡Y otros seis para limpiar el motor!

Church is in the middle of argument with the entire Red team below him. Last night, Church pulled off a prank by throwing all of the base's trash on the warthog with the help of Caboose. The results of the Reds' reaction were, shall we say, astounding. Footsteps behind him caught his attention, it's about time Weiss got the whole team up here. Weiss approaches Church to ask about the situation as she puts on her helmet.

Weiss: What's the enemy's status? Church: Still pissed off.

Church points Weiss at the entire Red team below them. She looked down to see Grif and Simmons fully armed to the teeth with flamethrowers. Though what caught most of her attention is the Red with the red cape around his neck. Must be their sniper Church talked about. The one that trashed the base weeks ago. The way he's wearing that cape kinda reminded Weiss of 'her'. But that's not important right now.

Weiss: I see you brought enough firepower to bring this place to ruin again. Now what do you want? Sarge: We're here to have payback, not a tea party! If you don't come down here like real soldiers, we'll teach you with these fully customized fuel propalled flamethrowers filled with a special sauce me and the boys have cooked up. Delicious! Donut: And I even took the liberty to add a bit of 'pizzazz' on it. Weiss: Flamethrowers? I hate to break it to you, but 90% of this whole place is comprised of concrete and steel. How are you going to burn it down? Grif: Who says we're going to burn your place up? Simmons.

Grif and Simmons approach the old tank. Once their flamethrowers are at a proper range, they both pull the triggers. But instead of fire spewing out the muzzle, an unknown green substance is sprayed onto the tank.

Tucker: Paint? Yeah right, we can just wipe it off! Simmons:You might wanna turn your air filtration off. Blues: Uhm... okay?

The Blues raise their hands next to their helmets and push a small button at the side. Suddenly, a horrifying pungent smell stang their noses, burning up their senses. They all started coughing up and spitting as if they smelled something horrible before pushing the button again, turning their air filtration back on.

Weiss: BLAGH! Kakaina: My nose is FIRE! Caboose: YUCKY! Tucker: PFT! PFT! PFT! Oh my God, why did I spit in my helmet?! Church: YUCK! Jesus Christ that smelled horrible! What the hell is that stuff?! Simmons: Our 'special sauce'. A formula made out of your trash, rotten cheese, excrement, sweat from Grif's socks, the local plantlife, local alien skunk, all the smelly things one can expect to find around here. Grif: How's it feel to have a stench much worse your trash! Ruby: The process was digusting but it's worth it. Church: But... PFT... we can still wash it off... PFT... YUCK! Grif: Good luck with that! This smell will stick on you for weeks, possibly months! Sarge: Ready... aim... FI-

BANG!

Out of the blue, two bullets flew straight into Grif and Simmons' flamethrower canisters before big gasses of green smoke disperses into the air. The stink formula has been released! Ruby yelps and runs away from the stink gas as it engulfs her entire team, thankfully it hadn't touch her. The rest of the Red team on the other hand. Once it disappears, all five of them are covered in the smelly substance, now colored in a hint of green! EWW!

Weiss: Try washing that off, idiots! Ruby: Oh dear. Simmons: AAAHHHHHHH!!! IT'S ON US! IT'S ON US! THE CONTAMINATION!!! Grif: Well... shit. Donut: EWW EWW! I just mosturize myself! Lopez: ¿Por qué te estás volviendo loco? Es solo ... oh espera, cierto. No puedo oler Sarge: Damn you, Blues! You can shoot us, stab us, and mock us all you want, but you can never, EVER, sullied us like this! Except for you, Grif. Grif: Hey! Weiss: Using a substance for the purpose to sting your enemies' sense of smell is a terrible idea for chemical warfare. We have helmets, remember? Ruby: That's no way to treat my friends! Weiss: Excuse me, are you talking to me Red? Ruby: Yeah I'm talking to you... uhm... big meanie! How can you call yourself a soldier by sitting up there and mocking your opponents like a coward! Weiss: A coward?! Now you listen here...

Weiss turns to Church

Weiss: What's her name again? Church: Uhm... Rebec... Rebecca. Tucker: It's not Rebecca, it's Raina! I think. Caboose: RUH-ROH! Weiss: How can you guys forget a name? You all said you heard it! Kakaina: Not me, I was hanging out with a bunch of ODST guys that time. Man they were fun! Weiss: You disgust me. Church: It's been two fucking week! You can't expect us to memorize it everyday! Plus you interrogated Grif and Simmons, didn't they tell you? Caboose: Oh they didn't. They were too busy shivering in fear cause Weiss was always screaming at them. Weiss: Sigh. Follow me, all of you.

Weiss jumps down with the rest Blues following her and drops on the dirt in front of the Red team. Weiss the approaches the Red in the usual angry manner. While she gets mocked and teased all the time, she however does not tolerated being called a coward, even if it were by her own teammates.

Weiss: Now you listen to me very closely! I still don't forgive for what you did to my base. But you do not, DO NOT, mock my position as a soldier! Ruby: Look I wasn't trying to be rude or anything, I'm just saying that you shouldn't act like an 'ice queen' all the time. Simmons: Not only that, you're mentally unstable! Grif: Plus your voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard! Weiss: What?! My voice does not sound like that! Am I right guys? Church: With the exception of your singing. Caboose: That's always the good part! Tucker: HOOWEE! It's like hearing a thousand sexy angels coming down to hook up with me. Weiss: Thank you. Grif: Wait that was you singing that night? I thought you guys were listening to Casey Lee! Church: That was her singing Casey Lee, dumbass.

The talk between the teams gets silenced by the blast of Sarge's shotgun to the sky.

Sarge: We're here to fight! And these dirty Blues need to pay dearly for what they've done to us! Church: If you so much as touch us with that stench, I'll blast your head off! Sarge: You think me and my man would fight you in this disgusting state? Simmons: We're giving up? Sir, that ain't like you! Sarge: Of course not. But they'll be fighting... her!

Sarge points to Ruby who startswaving her hand friendly at the Blues.

Ruby: Hi!

The PTSD kicked in. Church, Tucker and Caboose gulped their throats and slowly moves away to the base's door. After what she did to the base, she's a force to be feared of in this canyon.

Weiss: Where are you guys going? She's just one Red! Church: Didn't you hear of what we told you? She's a MONSTER! Tucker: And a hot one too! Church: If you had been here, you could've seen how terrifying this bitch is! I mean look at those eyes!

A shot of Ruby's visor cueing the *Suspenseful stinger music*

RubyL What? Weiss: And I thought you all to be brave reliable soldiers, not a trio of cowardly conscripts. Oh wait, no offense. C'mon Kai, let's show her how the Blue army deals with Reds. Kakaina: Nah, I'm cool. Weiss: What?! Don't tell me you're scared too? Kakaina: Nah, I kinda feel two-on-one isn't a fair fight at all. It's just doesn't fit my 'code of honor'. Tucker: ... She'll only do it when it comes to having sex with hot babes. Kakaina: Her body is considered fuckable! Weiss: Ugh. Fine then, one on one it is! Sarge: That's the spirit! So what will it be? I suggest hand-to-hand combat! Ruby: Uhm, Sarge. I'm bad at close quarter combat, remember? Sarge: Oh right. Hmm, let's see. Aha! How about, Grif ball! Grif: There's only two players. Sarge: Dagnabbit! Sniper duel! Simmons: We're out of 14.5x114mm rounds, sir. Maybe the Blues can share- Church: Good luck with that. Your monster destroyed half our ammo supply, including all the sniper rounds! Sarge: Wrestling match? Donut: We don't have a wrestling ring. Tucker: And tight bikinis.

Everyone, mostly Ruby and Weiss, yells various comments of disgust at Tucker.

Tucker: Oh come on, don't female wrestlers wear that? Kakaina: Not in your "wrestling". Weiss: Hold on everyone! I think I know a good old fashion way can resolve this problem. Get two pistols!

The Reds and Blues gathered together at the middle of the field where the 'old traditional way' will take place. That is the old 19th century pistol duels. Sarge clears his throat before making an announcement to both teams.

Sarge: The rules are simple. Both opponents will only have one shot in their pistols. On a count of three, they must walk away from each other, back to back and after they finish ten paces of walking, they'll turn around and start shooting each other in the faces! Which I think we have a higher chance of winning. Ruby: You're too kind! Sarge" The first one able to shoot their opponent, be it knocking, injuring or killing them, will be declared the winner! Oh and there's a catch, both duelist must turn off their armors' energy shielding. If Red wins, the Blues will have no choice but to cover themselves and their base with the stink formula. A proper punishment for the Blues, buahaha! Church: And if we win, you'll have to cover your base with that shit too. Simmons: Wait a minute, does that include the interior? Church and Sarge: Yes. Donut: I just painted a new layer in my room! Oh, for God's sake, please win! Ruby: Don't worry Donut. I can shoot this jerk on the face with both my eyes close. Grif: Please don't do that. Sarge: One more thing. If both duelist missed their target, we'll have to restart the round again! Seconds, prepare your duelist!

Both teams prepare their duelist. As Caboose and Tucker get the M6 pistol ready and loaded, Church discuss Weiss about her plan to beat her Red adversary.

Church: So what's your plan? Weiss: Even with both our energy shieldings off, the armor will still protect me from 50 Magnum caliber rounds. Same with the helmet's visor, though it'll get a nasty crack. That's the good news. Church: The bad news? Weiss: The unarmored parts of my body are still exposed, mostly the neck area. If she shoots me at the neck, the shockwave of the round will rupture my jugular vein, killing me in an instant. Church: Can't you deflect bullets with your glyphs? Weiss: She'll see it the moment I summon it. You did say she's a sharpshooter right? It'd best not to underestimate her, just like last time. Church: What do you mean 'last time'?

Weiss kept quiet for a while before responding back.

Weiss: Best to keep it that way.

At the Red's place, Sarge discuss Ruby about her plan to beat the Blue menace.

Sarge: My best guess is the neck! The face is a good target but the helmet will still protect that dirty smirk of hers. Ruby: Nah too gruesome. Ooh! What about the arm? You said we can win by injuring them, right? Sarge: That's your decision, as long as I hear that Blue screaming. Grif: This is stupid! Sarge: I beg your pardon? Grif: Isn't this 'pistol duel' stuff old school? The last idea was a lot better. Ruby: EWW! Not you too! Donut: Hey at least they wear clothes in this! Lopez: Además, nadie tiene que masturbarse en secreto en este caso. Simmons: Okay everyone, the gun's lock and loaded. Sarge: Great! Now give her a good Texan payback!

Simmons hands the pistol to Ruby. With both duelist ready, they approach to one another with the pistols in their hands. Their teammates keep their distance away, leaving them alone to their pistol duel. Just when the match is about to start, Ruby raises her hand to Weiss as if to give out a handshake which in fact she does wants to. Weiss is confused of this.

Weiss: What are you doing? Ruby: Just in case if you shoot me first. Weiss: Why would I shake a Red's hand? Plus didn't you destroy my base week ago? Ruby: Yeah about that. Sorry. I wasn't able to control myself, but I'vefinally learned my lesson. Weiss: 'Sorry' isn't enough. And let's not forget the fact that we're still enemies. Ruby: But that doesn't mean we have to be 'real' enemies. Even if we're here to kill each other, we should at least act like good duelists. Weiss: Well that's true. It would be impolite to refuse a handshake, even from an enemy.

Weiss accepts the handshakes. But once she touches the hand, it felt as though she once touched this hand before. Ruby had the same reaction when she touches hers too.

Ruby: That kinda felt weird. Weiss: Yeah. Before we can shoot each other, what's your name? Ruby: My name is- Sarge: Alright you two! Let's get this started! Ruby: Later. My leader's a bit impatient. Weiss: Same here. My team can't wait for your blood to be spilled. Maybe if we survive, we might talk a little. Ruby: GASP! Does that mean we can be friends! Weiss: No.

Ruby and Weiss turn each others backs, ready to start the duel. Sarge begins the countdown.

Sarge: One Mississipi... two Mississipi... THREE MISSISSIPI!!! Start walking!

Both of them started walking. Ruby counts the paces silently while Weiss counts them in her mind. One... two... three... four... five... It's almost close, Ruby thought. Even if she just had a friendly chat, she has to remember that's the Blue's her opponent and she's here to kill her. She must do the same. In order to win this, she'll need to think of her opponent's face as her's, her damn fucking face, that way she'll be able to pull the trigger! Six... seven... eight... Weiss tell herself that she can do this. Though confident, she was furious to witness the cape the Red's wearing because it reminds it of someone she knew. But she stays cool and reminds herself of the duel. Nine... ten...

RUBY AND WEISS TURNS AROUND AND BOTH PULL THE TRIGGERS SIMULTANEOUSLY!

BANG!!!

Both fell onto the ground. Red and Blue rush to their respective team members. They take a look at them, and noticed both their visors helmets' have entirely been cracked. Sarge is horrified to see his favourite soldier seemingly lying dead on the ground. Despite being covered in shit, he hold her body in his arms, before crying out in grief.

Sarge: NOOOOOO!!! Don't you die on me! You still haven't gotten next week's promotion for destroying the Blue base! Simmons: Wait isn't next week my promotion? Sarge: It's been rescheduled. Talk to me! SPEAK TO ME! Grif: Huh, guess she's dead. Welp, off to get the shovels. Ruby: Ow... (muffled) Sarge: Scratch that, she's alive! Thank the Lord himself! Grif: Fuck. Donut: Ruby, are you okay? Ruby: I've... been through worse. Ow! (muffled) Donut: Uhm... come again?

The Blue's reaction on the other hand, wasn't as dramatic as the Reds.

Caboose: Are you okay?! How big is the boo-boo? Weiss: Just a minor bruise, that's all. Nothing to worry about. A little help? (muffled) Caboose: ... Church, I think I'm deaf. Church: You're not deaf! Something's wrong with her helmet!

He's right. The visors have gone yellow to black, same with the Red's. The HUD's memory card slot isn't emitting any light, indicating no electricity in there. The helmets have gone dark! Weiss tries to take it off, but the helmet is locked onto her undersuit's fabric nmagnetic locks.

Weiss: Church, what's going on? I can't take it off! (muffled) Church: Calm down. Your helmet must've been damaged. Weiss: What? (muffled) Church: I said your helmet's damaged! Weiss: Oh, what? Damn it, speak up! (muffled) Church: YOUR... HELMET'S... DAMAGED! Weiss: ... Church ... Weiss: Then why didn't you say so? Get this thing off me! (muffled) Church: What? Weiss: Get this thing off me! (muffled) Church: Shit, now I can't hear her. Caboose, help me out!

Church and Caboose grab the side of Weiss' helmet.

Church: Heave ho!

They pulled it together and successfully removed the damn thing on Weiss with the sound of a pop. Weiss heavily breathes in the air around her. Wearing that unfunctional helmet almost gave her an asphyxiation.

Church: You okay? Weiss: Next time... I'm buying a new helmet. What about the Red, is she dead? Church: Well... you're not the only one with a stuck helmet. Weiss: You've gotta be joking.

The Blues witness the Reds attempting to remove their recruit's helmet. They're having a hard time. Four of the Reds are trying to pull the helmet off as Ruby tries to push it. Lopez also helps them, prying it off with a crowbar on the back of her neck. With one last heave, the helmet finally came off. Ruby breathes in and out like a fish in a water.

Ruby: Oh sweet cool air! Sarge: How are you feeling? Ruby: Fine!

As she recovers, she noticed Weiss, now helmetless approaching her. She must've had the same problem as she did. And the other news, her opponent's hand is unscathed. Oh no, she thought to herself. She has hesitated again. Oh well, she can try again in round two.

Weiss: I'm impressed. I expect you to shoot me by the neck. Ruby: Yeah, I got a little hesistant that time. If I were thinking of someone I would have... easily... shoot... you? Weiss: Well try not too this time. Come on let's start the... next... round... oh my God.

Upon seeing each other's face, the world felt into a silence. Even the rest of the Reds and Blues didn't mutter a word when they noticed their teammates making a godly shocked expressions at one another.

Caboose: Ooh! Are we playing the quiet game? I love playing this!

Well except for Caboose, that is.

Weiss: R-Ruby? Ruby: W-W-Weiss? Weiss: What are you...? Ruby: What are you...?

They kissed. WROOOONG!!! Both girls smash their heads together like two mountain goats. They start growling at each other with wrathful looks forming on their faces and their eyes that are making contact with each other are filled with extreme hostility! As if you eyes were being deceived, their bodies begin to glow bright.

Weiss: What are you doing here YOU UNDISCIPLINED BRAT!!! Ruby: And what are you doing here YOU BACKSTABBING JERK!!! Everybody: Hah? Huh? Wha?

Reds and Blues are completely confused if what they're seeing right now. Just now they were dueling each other like gentlewomen, and now they're growling at each other like rabid dogs! Not only that, THEY KNOW EACH OTHER?!?!

Grif: Okay can anyone explain what the fuck's happening? Kakaina: Do... they know each other? Tucker: I think they do. Caboose: Wow, Church! Weiss has a best friend! Church: Had. I doubt they're friends, right now. Simmons: Sir, what do we do? Sarge: Nothing! I wanna see how this goes!

Back to Ruby and Weiss.

Weiss: It's no wonder why that cape and touch felt so familiar! IT WAS YOU!!! Of all the thousand planets in the galaxy, I've been deployed here only to see YOU HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BOX CANYON WITH THE RED ARMY!!! Ruby: I expected to be away from you, FOREVER AND EVER! Until you showed your EGOISTIC COWARDLY FACE OF YOURS HERE!!! Weiss: I AM NOT EGOISTIC AND COWARDLY! I was ordered to move! Ruby: 'CAUSE YOU CARE ONLY FOR YOUR CAREER MORE THAN YOUR BEST FRIENDS! Weiss: AND YOU FAILED TO CARRIED OUT YOUR ORDERS! IT WOULD'VE ENDED DIFFERENTLY IF YOU HAD LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAID, YOU SCYTHE SWINGING BITCH! Ruby: Boohoo! Daddy, a peasent girl like me is being bullied by a mean Ms. Rich Gal! Weiss: Is that an INSULT?! Ruby: As a matter of fact, YES!

Weiss had enough, she punches Ruby right at the nose with blood spewing the nostrils! Despite the tears flowing and nose bleeding, Ruby quickly recovered and give Weiss a nasty uppercut to the chin! Then they grabbed each other, trying to pin the other to the ground, but they were equally matched and none had yet bring the other down. This is starting to become pure entertainment for Reds and Blues, mostly Sarge and Tucker. Been a while since Tucker had last saw a good catfight.

Tucker: That's right Weiss baby! Keep them fists flying! Sarge: Don't let that dirty albino Blue pin you down! Swing the legs, the legs! Grif: Wow, this is a lot better then the last duel! I'm betting for the white haired chick. Tucker: The brunette! Kaikaina: Red haired chick! Caboose: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Some however were not so keen to seeing this fight.

Church: Should we stop them? Donut: Of course! Ruby's going to get herself killed! Church: Why worry? She launched a one man war on our base, I guess she'll be fine. Simmons: What about your recruit? Church: Good point. But I'm not going near that psychopath! Lopez: ¿Qué tal si agarramos a Ruby primero y luego obtendrás el tuyo? Simmons: How about we grab Ruby first, and then you'll get yours? Church: Good idea. Lopez: Eso es exactamente lo que acabo de decir.

Simmons and Donut, quickly grabs her before she could bite Weiss' throat off. Despite two men holding her, they couldn't hold their grip as she violently tries to wriggle off them to finish her business with her "friend". Thankfully, Lopez was around and restrains her with his mechanical strength.

Ruby: Let go of me! She's EVIL INCARNATE! Donut: Please, Ruby, control yourself! Ruby: You don't understand she... left... sniff sniff... hehehe...

Ruby forget she's not wearing her helmet anymore, thus leaving her nose vunerable to her team's smelly state, causing her to barf out her breakfast.

Grif: That solves our problem!

Seeing the oppurtunity, Weiss charges at her unconscious enemy, but was stopped once Church grabs her shoulders.

Weiss: Let go off ME! Church: Calm down will you! Weiss: I WILL NOT... sniff... oh no... UGH!...

Weiss too have fallen victim to the Red's stink formula, fainting on Church's chest. The Blues sighed in relief. Church hands Weiss to Caboose and carries her unconscious body on his shoulder. The Reds and Blues then looked at each other for a while. With Ruby and Weiss both now out of commision, I think it's time to call it a day.

Church: This was a fun day. Well see you assholes tomorrow. Sarge: Where do you think you're going? Round 2 hasn't ended yet! Grif, give Ruby your helmet. Grif: I'm not getting knocked out too! Sarge: Or would you prefer the old shotgun to the face? Simmons: Sir, there's no need to 'cause...

Sarge turned to see the Blues no longer in front of them. They already left before he notices.

Sarge: Dagnabbit.

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/necroceph

#ruby rose #weiss schnee #rwby #monty oum #Rooster Teeth #Red vs Blue #michael j caboose

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interrogatormentors · 5 years

Text

Event Eight: Blood in the Water

(note: pictures 2 and 3 mark start and end of sensitive content, see tags)

Eridan came to after an eternity of whirling darkness, lights prickling at his glassy eyes. He became aware of his torso first, throbbing with pain and slick with blood. Then his hands, stiff with something akin to rigor mortis before he realized someone had their lips pressed to his.

Eridan blinked, bringing the world into blurry focus. His glasses had fallen somewhere on the floor. The Condesce gripped him by the collar, lifting him with one arm as she gripped his chin with the other. Eridan whined, the sound muffled by her cool lips. She pulled back. Maybe it was the delirium, but Eridan swore for a second her lips glowed.

“There we are, guppy,” she said, long nails tracing along his jaw. “You didn’t think I’d let a sweet thing like you go belly up, did you?”

Someone snorted behind him. The Empress pouted, wiping a bit of violet blood from her painted lips. “At ease, battery.” She set Eridan down, keeping a firm grasp on his uniform when he wobbled. “Take a second to find your sea legs, that’s it,” she said, a croon lilting her voice like a song.

Eridan finally stopped swaying, putting a hand just below his ribs. A look down revealed no wound, only three splotches of still-sticky violet blood underneath his torn uniform. “W-why–” He cleared his throat, swallowing as the Empress released him. Now that he saw her properly for the first time, in person, he was terrified. She was massive, easily eight feet tall at the most conservative guess and dwarfing his paltry six, and that wasn’t even including the elegant pair of meticulously maintained horns atop her crown of massive, waving hair. Her horns were longer than any he’d ever seen, and his chin jutted up in meek submission on reflex. “M-My Empress, Glorious Radiance, Her Ever Resplendent and Imperious Condescension.” The words ran out in a nervous stream as he sought to placate whatever wrath lay in wait for him before he got ahold of himself. “Why did you let me live?”

The Empress walked past him to the door, waving her hand with an articulated swirl. Eridan followed her without conscious thought, as if tugged by a fishing line through the cheek. “Have some confishdence in your Empress, guppy. You were just an object lesson, I ain’t gonna let you swim with the fishes just yet.”

Eridan glanced behind him as he left after the Empress, looking back to the Helmsman. The Helmsman had changed since Eridan had first seen him, wrinkles smoothed out and gray hairs fading back to black. Eridan could have convinced himself he’d imagined the shrunken specter of a troll hanging in the wires, except for the light touch of tyrian paint to the old troll’s lips. Eridan reached to his own mouth, smearing away some lipstick from the corner of his own mouth and looking down to see fuschia. The Helmsman smiled, but his brows furrowed and betrayed a hint of resignation before his eyes faded back into the glazed sockets of a fresh corpse.

Eridan swallowed, turning back to the Empress. She swung her trident down in an absent arc, and Eridan flinched as the flats of the prongs pressed light against his back. “Let me mako it up to you, little one,” she said, heels echoing down the empty halls. “You really must be somethin’, making it all the way down here on your lonesome. What brought you to this lonely old place?”

Eridan’s fins flicked as he remembered the interrogatormentors, tucked against the crowd and circling in to separate him from the school of upper officers. “No reason,” he said, shoving his glasses up the bridge of his sweaty nose. “I, well, torpid- I mean, the Helmsman, he probably let you know I play poker with him, right?” A soft hum from the Condesce then, which Eridan took as a sign to continue. “So I… wanted to find and see him, that’s all.”

“Interesting.” The Condesce placed a finger onto a wall panel, her immaculate expression faltering for the briefest moment before pulling away. Eridan saw a needle retract back into the wall, and the Empress shook away a small bead of blood as the door in front of them opened. “Now where did a nosy little Head Admin get that kind of security clearance, I wonder?”

Eridan balked on the entrance of the room, dark and lined with shelves and looming shapes. The trident pressed him onward. “I- No it was just a chatroom or- fuck I didn’t- He said he asked to see me anyways!”

The Empress laughed, louder and more boisterous than Eridan expected out of royalty. “Shush, I’m pullin’ your leg, shelly little thing!” She pressed her hand to another hidden panel, and soft lights rose from ceiling lights with lamp shades that cast the room in a fuschia glow.

Eridan looked around, unable to help his jaw dropping. The Empress had the biggest collection of soporifics he’d ever seen, shapes and bottles indicating centuries of workmanship. There were a few reclining platforms, and even a pailing platform tucked behind a folding screen that Eridan pretended not to see. “Why-”

“You really are talkative, aint’cha?” The Empress pulled a bottle down from a shelf, a purple liquid swirling with silvery glitter.

Eridan swallowed back a retort, that he’d barely managed a handful of words since quite literally getting stabbed to near-death. “I suppose,” he said instead, arms folded behind him in military stiffness.

The Empress grabbed two glasses, pouring out a healthy measure of soporific into each. Her long nails were so long that they fell into the cascading flow of the soporific from the bottle. She handed a glass to Eridan, ushering him to a chaise lounge and draping herself across the opposite end. “Loosen up, guppy,” she said, leaning her trident against the wall. She leaned her head in her hand, watching him with laser focus until he took a tentative sip of his drink. The soporific went down smooth, with only the faintest burn softened by fruity notes. “There we go.”

Eridan looked down into his glass, watching the glitter swirl within before taking a deeper sip. “Sorry,” he said. “I don’t exactly get stabbed everyday.” He chose his words carefully, avoiding directing any blame towards the Empress. “I need a minute.”

“Of course.” The Empress took a long draft from her own glass, prompting Eridan to copy the amount she drank.

Once he drained his glass to half-empty, Eridan found himself sprawling a bit where he sat, losing most of his decorum. The stress from the day no doubt contributed to how fast he lost himself so fast. “Sorry,” he said, slurring a bit. “Don’t meanna… don’t mean t’be all… jusss… jus’ a mess.”

The Empress moved closer, leaning in to catch Eridan’s drooping jaw on the edges of her claws. “Hush, sweetgills,” she said, the sing-song croon returning to her face. “I ain’t mad. You were just curious, weren’t’cha?”

“Uh-huh.” Eridan nodded so hard he felt his head threaten to roll right off his spine. He swayed back, running his tongue over his teeth. “Yeah. Never seen a helmsman or nothin’ b’fore. ‘Specially not a nice one. Mine’s a fuckin’ bastard.”

“Do you pity him?” The nails traced along his cheek, a burning left in their wake. Eridan felt a trickle of blood drip down his skin, but didn’t care. That should’ve been his first clue. He watched her hand go, and it occurred to him that the Empress had an odd sheen of white glitter coating her index finger’s nail, which she wiped off with her thumb as he watched.

“No,” he said. “Yeah? I ‘unno, jus’, feel bad for him or ssssthhh- somethin’. He’s nice t’talk to.”

“Oh, I bet.” Soft fingers ran along the fresh cut in his skin, a soft warmth left behind as the skin knitted back together. “I bet a lotta people confide in you, honey. You got one of those faces.”

Eridan shook his head again, wobbling enough that the Empress caught him from falling forward. She moved him into her lap, carding her fingers through his hair. Eridan felt tears well up in his eyes. “Nooooo,” he said, voice teetering on the edge of a wail. “Nobody ‘cept you.”

“Oh, sweetie, don’t cry.” The Empress put a hand to the back of Eridan’s head, tucking him into her neck. Eridan took in a shuddering breath, pheromones rising from the Empress’ skin sending him into a heady spiral. “Shhhhh. What do you mean, pupa?”

Eridan heard some part of himself fighting, trapped in his own pan and screaming about drugging, a hazy cloud that clamored somewhere deep in his thinkpan, but he couldn’t find it himself to listen as the Empress played with and then undid a few of the buttons of his uniform jacket. “I- I don’t-”

“Shhhh. I’ll stop if you want. Don’t you wanna feel betta?”

Did this constitute as better? He let out a stuttering breath as she ran a finger along his gills, eyes fluttering a bit. This was better than being dead or seeing the interrogatormentors coming after him any night.

“Yeah.”

There were brief flashes of thoughts that caught his attention when his mind slipped away from the unfolding scene; her glittering claw, how it had only gone into his glass, how one glass shouldn’t have fucked him up as much as he was. A slow, resigned despair filled him after a while, drowning out his racing thoughts. What was he going to do? This was the Empress. Her voice cut through his murky thoughts.

“So open up, little clam, there we go.”

Eridan rocked a bit, threatening to fall back until the Empress caught him again. He couldn’t fight her. He couldn’t do anything. All he could do was try and save his own skin. “All my friends, the fuckin’- the fuckin’ nobodies, all of ‘em dumped me in the fuckin’ dirt ‘cause I didn’t wan’ nnnnng-” He hiccuped, a bitter taste rising in the back of his mouth. The Empress kept undoing his shirt, practiced and gentle as she exposed his chest. Eridan kept babbling on. “I didn’t wanna… they didn’t take me seriously or nothin’, they were like… playin’ some sorta stupid game with everyone’s lives or whatever.”

The Empress pulled back a bit, her mask of gentle softness briefly flashing with an edge of annoyance. “I’m bailin’ if you’re talking about some silly little FLARPing games, pupa.”

Eridan shook his head, whole body vibrating. “No no no no, uh- ‘cept I played with my ex a bit, this sssss- ain’t that.” His voice lowered, and the Empress’ fins pricked forward to hear. “They wanted to rebel.” He felt his gut twist up, that small part of him still screaming, but something in the Empress’ dewy eyes had the words spilling out of him like blood gushing from his throat.

The Empress flipped him suddenly, onto his back, and Eridan wheezed as she pinned him down by his shoulders and straddled him.

Eridan didn’t know whether to piss himself out of fear or feel very, very aroused. Something warm happened between his legs, and it felt a bit too wiggly for the former. If he had anything that resembled mental faculties at that moment, he’d be embarrassed at how easy he must’ve seemed. But there was something else at work here and he felt like he was in danger.

“Interesting,” the Empress said, drawing the word out into what sounded like sixteen syllables to his addled mind. “Rebel? Do tell.”

Eridan opened his mouth, but squeaked as the Empress settled her weight with maddening friction. “Oh,” he breathed, his cheeks heating up as his fins pricked forward attentively. “What?” He came to himself a bit, icy prongs of fear slicing into his gut. He was right. There was something else going on here. “No, I, I didn’t meant that- mmmmean that. I was just… jokin’.”

“Come on. That ain’t a joke, pupa, you’re gonna give me a right scare like that.”

“No, hones’,” Eridan said.

The annoyance returned to the Empress’ face, this time staying fixed in place. “God, that’s a dead end, huh?” She slapped his face, lightly, before brushing her fingers along Eridan’s sensitive neckgills again. Eridan shivered, arching his back and moaning, but couldn’t accomplish more than a tiny, incoherent apology. “Pathetic.”

The Empress’ hand drifted down to Eridan’s, rubbing a thumb along his knuckles before focusing in on a finger. A white bolt of pain jolted through Eridan’s body from his hand, and he screamed as the Empress ripped the nail back and up and away, leaving behind an empty, bleeding nail bed. “Try again.”

“What?” Eridan blinked rapidly, choking back a sob. “Why’re you doing this?”

“Simple, guppy,” the Empress said. Her face had fallen into vague disinterest, and she didn’t even flinch as Eridan shrieked when she tore away another nail. “The surprise is over, seein’ as ya no doubt spotted the interrogatormentors.” She sighed, flicking the nail into a corner and licking the violet blood from her finger. “Some things ya just gotta do yourself, y’know?” She leaned forward, pinning Eridan down by the throat. “Start spillin’, pupa.”

So Eridan spilled. Nonsense at first, whatever he hoped would appease the Condesce. How he sometimes cheated hours, making it look like they were on labor just so he could make sure everyone got their fair share. How Shakes would take long breaks to avoid helming too much and he let him, how the captain let shore leave last an extra few days and Eridan turned a blind eye. Every time he started on a tangent the Empress ripped away another nail, or bit deep into his throat until he felt on the verge of bleeding out.

By the time he’d gotten to his latest thread, Eridan could barely think. He blacked out for minutes at a time, only to find himself woken by soporifics poured into his throat until he choked and almost drowned. “Mmnnnkinda got a bit fed up with the Empr- Emmmmmpire for a bit,” he said, coughing hard from his latest dousing. His mouth and nose burned. He felt bile in his throat, and he guessed he’d probably thrown up at some point. Somewhere along the way he’d lost all his clothes. The Empress had started undoing her own wetsuit, but Eridan couldn’t focus on her bare skin to save his life. He couldn’t really focus on anything. The world was a flood of colorful blurs that made his eyes burn, and he blinked back tears as pain stabbed his temples.

“Everyone does, everyone does,” The Empress said, bored. “Tell me somethin’ new.”

“Well I, I gotta… Gott- Got in with some rebels, right?”

“Mmmhm. Got names for me?”

“Yeah, yeah… Some. I don’t know all their real names.”

“That’s okay, just spit them out already.”

Eridan hesitated for one moment, and then screamed as the Empress bit a chunk clean out of his fin. He sobbed, shaking, leaning into the soft hand that cradled his jaw. “Okay, okay,” he said, spine tingling as a hand slid over his grubscars in a way that dimmed the pain of his fin to a dull throb. “Mmmmn. Uh- I can write a list.”

“No need,” the Empress said. “Helmsman?”

“Here as always, my Esteemed Empress,” said a flat drone from a speaker in the wall. “What must I do for you?”

“Take notes, battery. This little morsel has some info he’d like to share.”

A heavy sigh then, the speaker rattling. “Of course. Transcribing now.”

Eridan gave all the usernames he could remember. CentaursTesticle, grimAuxiliatrix, arsenicCatnip, apocalypseArisen. AdiosToreador, twinArmageddons. A few names he did have. “You gotta… You gotta promise you won’t do nothin’,” he said, slurring to the point of intelligibility. Hatred at their betrayal, their dismissal of him as they threw him to the howlbeasts, still gnawed at his gut. Yet Eridan couldn’t bring himself to want them to die.

“Of course, cuttlefish,” the Empress said. She smoothed her hands down Eridan’s hips, and Eridan made a soft gasp, shivering under her touch. “I’ve got you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. I wouldn’t ever hurt you if I didn’t need to.”

Eridan nodded, shaky. The world spun around him, and he felt like throwing up again. “Think… I think twin whatever…No, don’t know his name. Know… know fffuckin’ Kar… made fun’a him. Name he couldn’ even say. Fuckin’ lisp’r somethin’. Dumbass.”

“TwinArmageddons,” the Helmsman’s lisping voice said from the speaker. He sounded sad for some reason. “Currently the Helmsman of the BC Starskimmer Arisen, helming code A1A100, former name Sollux Captor, Gemini signclass.”

“Oh,” Eridan said. “You know everybody?”

“Just him.”

“Useless, aren’t you?” the Empress said, clicking her tongue.

“I aim to please, Empress,” the Helmsman said.

The Empress looked down at the squirming violet between her legs again. “Got any different names?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Eridan coughed, trying to choke down the bile rising up again. The little part of him that realized the depravity of what was happening to him still demanded to be known, but another part of him went back to old fantasies about his romanticized ideas of Feferi. In his drugged haze he latched onto that thought for his own sake. “Karrrr… Karkat Vantas. Uh, he’s a mutant.”

The Empress cocked her head. “A mutant, you say?” Her eyes glittered as she leaned in. “What was his last name, again?”

“Vantas.”

“Interesting. Continue.”

“Ummm.” Eridan tried to speak again, but failed until a hand between his legs convinced him otherwise. “Oh. Mmmm. Eq… Eqi….? No, shit. Sweat fuckin’ blueblood bastard… Mmm, Vriska Serket, ffffor sure. Fuckin’… Bitch. Gamzee Makara, too.” He didn’t want to think about the agonizing pain of his torn up fin, didn’t want to think about the blood seeping into his collar. He’d much rather focus on the soft and gentle touches, desperate to feel anything but pain. “Fffef- Feferi. Feferi Peixes. That’s… That’s all I got. Don’t givvv… give a fuck about the lowbloods. Dime a…” He wet his lips, his throat dry as cotton. “… Dime a ffffuckin’ dozen.”

The Empress’ manicured brows shot up into her hairline. “Peixes? The plot thickens.” She leaned back, tapping a finger to her chin. “Helmsman, tell Interrogatormentor Ritoly to hail the Starskimmer. I want to see what they’ve got. This one’s dried out.” She gestured down.

“Yes, Empress.”

“Can you schedule a massage in an hour too? Neyfri this time, not Bellal. I need a rougher touch tonight.”

“Already in your schedule. Are you going to kill the boy?”

“Mmm, maybe. But if I don’t, conchsider it a favor you owe me.”

“Of course. I am unworthy of your grace.”

“Damn right.” Her eyes drifted slowly down Eridan’s form, and she hummed, contemplatively, running her hand down his chest. “Though I suppose the buoy deserves a little somefin for bein’ obedient enough. Didn’ even need to toss his bass at the interrogatormentors ‘foar he glubbed. And he is cute enough for a fresh molt. I seappose ya got some taste in your bony bass after all, Helmsman.”

Eridan’s eyes had closed by this point, head tipping to the side. He didn’t even hear her words now. His entire body throbbed in time to his pulse, mutilated fingers twitching where his hand dangled off the edge of the couch. The smell of her heady pheromones stood out him in that moment when things started to blur beyond what he could keep track of. So he stopped trying to keep track of it, instead just pliantly doing whatever she wanted. Maybe if she killed him he wouldn’t have to worry about thinking at all.

That’d be a mercy, he thought.

Eridan woke hours later, head still spinning. After fighting and promptly losing the battle with his vestibular senses, he leaned over on the reclining platform and vomited, a cough petering out into a thready whine. He didn’t see the Condesce anywhere in the now darkened room, spiking relief and terror through his gut in equal measure. A sense of disappointment sank deep in his chest, a mournful ache. He tried not to think about it.

He wiped his mouth, but paused with his hand in front of him. His nails had regrown. Or had they never left? His head hurt. Eridan shook his head, pulling his clothes on. He fell over twice trying to put on his pants, and stayed with his cheek pressed to the cool floor for a few minutes each time, only moving when his thoughts started to catch up to him.

If there was anything Eridan didn’t want to do right now, it was ponder how exactly he’d been twisted into turning on the people he’d once called his friends. The Condesce had barely done anything to him at all and he’d given her everything he knew. Shame bubbled in him as he thought of Karkat and how disappointed he’d be. As he thought of Feferi, the first person he’d ever called a friend and who he had once wanted to share something more. The feelings might have burnt out now, tempered by reality and bitterness and realization that he wasn’t the best quad, but he still missed her sometimes, during the lonely, sleepless days when he yearned for someone to talk to about even the most pointless things. Now the idea of thinking of talking to her was almost tainted with how easily he’d sold her out to the biggest threat on her life.

But, he thought dimly, did it really matter anymore? He didn’t have any contact with them now. He didn’t have any more intel on them, didn’t have anything to hide anymore. He’d been candid in the end about everything he knew. And now he didn’t want to know anything else. Something had been planted in him, a seed of doubt, a seed of misery and loathing that grew with every miserable happenstance that seemed to fall right on his lap. So what if he gave the Empress their names, their trollhandles? So what if he’d sold them out? So what if they were on the hotseat for once instead of him? He’d…

Thinking hurt his head too much. Then and there he decided to stop laying around and thinking and get to somewhere he didn’t feel so vulnerable. The whole ordeal of moving seemed to easily drown out the basic functions of his thinkpan anyways, so it was a win-win situation to haul ass.

As Eridan left the confines of the Empress’s private chambers, he heard no more rusty singing on his way back through the bowels of the ship, no laughter or voices or the tinkling of glasses from the main gathering hall. He stumbled his way back to the Reichenbach in the hangar, one hand pressed to the wall to keep himself steady. The memories of what had just happened slipped through his fingers like water, and every echo of thought or feeling sent conflicted twinges up his spine. He passed a few servants and techies, lowbloods mostly, who stared after him as he passed. Their voices swam over him, crashing against abandoned shores.

Eridan tripped on the way into the Reichenbach, ankle twisting on the way down. He let out a soft whimper, nails scrabbling against the metal floor beneath him. Strong hands lifted him. Murmuring. Faster voices, frantic. Eridan’s head lolled forward before he stumbled forward, out of the grip of whoever held him up. He grunted as he hit the hull of the ship, lips pulled back in a snarl. He splayed both hands against it, pushing himself off it and wobbling, arms waving as he tried to keep his balance. He squinted at the blurry, rushing images of the world around him, unable to make any sense of it all. He promptly doubled over, dry-heaving, feeling like he was dying. Once the convulsions stopped, he pulled himself back up, stumbling until his back hit the wall once again.

“Shhhhhhrt- Stop it. D’n’ fffffuckin’ touch me. Mmmy’r superirr… fuckin’ ‘fficer,” he said, gesturing wildly. “Prob’ly. Goin’… to ‘coon. G’mornin’.” He fell forward again, almost flat on his face until someone caught him with a grunt.

Despite his protests, Eridan didn’t fight whoever started dragging him onward. He bared his teeth for show, snapping at the air and growling in his throat like a wounded animal. He stumbled, boots scuffing against the floor. “I know, I know, you’re a big buff shark ready to punch a hole through my skin,” the voice of the troll beside him said. “Hey, someone get a platform ready for the Head Admin in the medbay, something’s up.”

“Noooooo. Wanna go ‘coon,” Eridan said. He managed to sink his teeth into the troll’s arm, growling half-heartedly as the other troll yelped. He might not have been in his right mind, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to stand for being manhandled into going to the medbay.

“Okay, okay,” the troll said. “Holy shit.”

The last thing Eridan remembered after that was his own room, dim shadows that brought him a wave of comfort. He didn’t go to his recuperacoon, instead sinking down onto his reclining platform. “Mmm. You can go. I cnn… get in myself.” The troll left. Eridan almost wondered who he was, before slipping away again into blissful unconsciousness.

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thebibliomancer · 5 years

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50 More Days of Comics! 46/50: The Wedding of Popeye & Olive #1 (1999)

This is weird beyond words.

Popeye has a full head of hair??

What other weird oddities are hiding beneath the poorly understood surface, what Deepest Lore does the sailor man hide, not know to the wider public?

A lot! Popeye lore is a little bonkers!

Lets get into it!

Here’s one. Popeye wasn’t Olive’s first boyfriend. There was a guy called Ham Gravy or Harold Hamgravy who was the main character of the Thimble Theater comic strip (which eventually became Thimble Theater starring Popeye and then just Popeye).

He was Olive’s fiancee but also a slacker who often had eyes for other women if they were rich because he wanted to get rich quick and easy without working for it.

But apparently during his absence from Olive’s life, he has hit it rich and now dresses like a Texan millionaire.

Ham: “Honest, Olive... I never understood what you saw in him... He’s not as good-looking as me, or as rich as me, or as successful as me, or as well-dressed as me-”

Olive, pausing from upending an entire box of chocolates into her mouth: “Wait! -- Back up! Did you say... ‘rich’? You’re... rich?”

Ham: “Oh, yeah! I made huge investments in the stock market!”

Olive, with $ for eyes: “They all paid off?”

Ham: “Well... no... They all crashed! But, my dad got so mad, that when he was yelling at me about ‘em, his brain exploded and I inherited his millions!

“So whattaya say, Olive? Let me do right by you. Marry me! It’s more than that one-eyed sailor ever did for you!”

Olive, still $ for eyes: “Ham, Ham! -- Thi$ i$ $o sudden! What el$e can I $ay but, of cour$e!”

-sees picture of Popeye- “Of... of course... -- NOTTT! I’m... I’m sorry, Ham... I can’t...”

Aww. She loves her sailor man.

Ham accepts this gracefully.

Because he preemptively hired a goon to kidnap her, expecting her to say no.

That’s gracefully, right?

Also, I didn’t really have many thoughts about Olive Oyl prior to this. I had this sense that she’s one of the archetypal gets-kidnapped-so-she-can-be-rescued characters. But she is a delight in this scene.

And yes, she does immediately get kidnapped. But she has a lot of character in this conversation.

Elsewhere, Popeye accidentally saves a Just Married couple when the brake in their car fails. Which he does by standing on the dock, not paying attention, because he found a Jeep (a weird magic creature) stopping to smell the dock flowers and was worried it would get into an ‘askidenk’ not paying attention.

Also:

Popeye: “Ya may be a Jeep, but ya ain’t no car!”

Hah.

The married couple thank Popeye for saving them, by standing on the dock not paying attention so that their runaway car crashed into him, which he didn’t notice, sending them flying safely through the air into the ocean. The bride tells him that he’ll make a wonderful husband for some lucky girl someday.

And this puts him in an introspective mood about marriage.

Popeye: “Marich! A man takin’ a wife... T’sa big step Eugene! Marich... Me an’ Olive, we kin be good t’gedder! -- But I dunno... she can be so... so Olive! Sometimes I wonder.. will Olive ‘n me ever gets t’be hitched?”

But he done introspected in the right location if he wanted answers for his rhetorical questions. Because Jeeps can tell the future! Just go with it! And when Popeye asks whether he and Olive will ever get married, Eugene the Jeep bends over and waves his tail three times which means “Signs point to yes.”

Being no dummy, Popeye asks follow up questions and learns that he and Olive are going to get married soon and not next year or next week but TOMORROW, THE JEEP IS NEVER WRONG!

Popeye: “Then I gots’ta propose, ‘cause if we gets married widdout me proposin’, it ain’t gonna be offiskal! I kin not waits t’tell Olive! I kin jusk hear her muksical voice sayin’ --”

Olive, being kidnapped: “NOOOOO!”

Popeye: “I wuz kinda hopin’ for a yes...”

Hah.

Before Popeye can respond to Olive being kidnapped, goon-napped, gravy-napped, Bluto bursts through the dock. Popeye tries to knock him out but even though he punches the guy many times, he can’t wipe the smile off his face.

Winded and having run “outta soks in me sok drawer” which is an amazing turn of phrase relying entirely on comic book sound effects, Popeye wonders whats going on here.

Bluto: “Things’ve changed, Popeye! Y’see... I found the Wiffle Hen.. and rubbed her head!”

Popeye: “No!”

Bluto: “YESSSS!”

Popeye Deepest Lore is so wild.

Anyway, Bluto punches Popeye across town and then swims out to Ham Gravy’s boat. Wherein he promptly takes over Ham Gravy’s evil plan.

Ham wanted to go to his hideaway in Malta but Bluto was only going along with the plan because Ham could get him the boat he needed. And instead they’re going to Spinachania, the Kingdom of King Blozo, where most of the world’s spinach apparently comes from.

Olive: “I thought his country was called Nazilia!”

Bluto: “Nah... they changed it ‘cause Nazis kept showin’ up!”

... Welp.

Anyway, Bluto is going to eat all the spinach he can, steal what he can’t eat, and then burn the kingdom down. And then he’s going to marry Olive.

Ham: “I’m... I’m sorry, Olive... This hasn’t gone at all as I had planned... I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me!”

Olive: -pounds him into the deck like a nail-

Ham: “-- I’ll take that as a maybe...”

Meanwhile, Wimpy tries to get free hamburgers by claiming that it would be a charitable act and thus tax deductible. Old Man Geezil has finally had enough of this nonsense and is about to stab Wimpy when Popeye falls out of the sky on top of him.

Popeye promptly tries to hire a crew to help him save Olive but since he has nineteen cents to his name, everybody turns him down. Everybody but Wimpy.

Wimpy: “In the interest of our long association, I will sail with you today for a hamburger on Tuesday!”

Awww, Wimpy!

So Popeye sends Wimpy to find a ship (who steals Geezil’s, geez no wonder the man hates him) while he rounds up the ‘fambly’ Olive’s brother Castor Oyl, Olive’s parents Nana and Cole Oyl, Popeye’s reprobate dad Poopdeck Pappy, Swee’ Pea, Alice the Goon, and of course Eugene the Jeep.

On the trip, Popeye explains some Deepest Lore to Wimpy and whoever in the audience. Spinach helps Popeye be strong but rubbing the head of the Wiffle Hen years ago is what made it so nothing can hurt him, apparently.

And he deduces that since Bluto is taking pages out of his book, that he’ll be headed to get all the spinach from Spinachania and then there might be no stopping him.

Meanwhile, Spinachania and the king is having an anxiety attack. He just knows something bad is going to happen. AND HE’S RIGHT, THE KINGDOM IS UNDER ATTACK.

King Blozo: “I knew it! How many attackers? A thousand? -- A million??!”

A general: “Two, sire... B-but they’re annihilating our army!! It’s kind of embarrassing, really--”

And Bluto and Ted the Goon are indeed just kind of stomping the entire army.

They arrive at the Royal Spinach Field but when Bluto goes to grab the spinach, it THWIP!s underground. Like in a cartoon when a mole or gopher or something yoinks a vegetable underground.

But its not mole or gopher or something, its Popeye and he’s eaten all the spinach he yoinked so he’s real roided out.

Popeye rips the bag off Bluto’s back, freeing Olive and the Wiffle Hen.

Bluto calls for Ted the Goon to assist him but Ted has gone and fallen in love with Alice the Goon off-panel and now they’re having a picnic.

So Popeye and Bluto punch each other in the same pose for hours. Yes, really.

And Olive has an idea how to break the stalemate.

Bluto, looking tired: “... I don’t get it... I’m bigger’n you! Tougher’n you! I ate the spinach... rubbed the Wiffle Hen’s head -- an’ as long as the magic of the Wiffle Hen exists, I’ll still be able to-”

Cue Wimpy wandering by with a drumstick remarking how delicious rare magical birds are.

And while Bluto is panicking about not being super-invulnerable anymore, Popeye socks him in the gut. And he tries to sock Popeye back but it makes a KLONG! like punching metal and hurts Bluto’s hand.

He panics that Popeye shouldn’t be super-invulnerable anymore either.

Popeye: “I don’t needs t’be! ‘Cause I yam what I yam an’ thass all that I yam!”

And then he punches Bluto into the sky.

Popeye then finds out that the Wiffle Hen is fine and wonders what happened so that he was able to beat Bluto if they were both super-invulnerable.

Poopdeck Pappy suggests that confidence is the real super power and that Popeye always has confidence in all things.

Popeye: “Not all... not in th’ one t’ing I shudda had all these years! But I’m fixin’ that... right now!”

And then he proposes to Olive (with a cigar band in lieu of a ring) and she immediately accepts.

Awww!

For a comic titled the Wedding of Popeye and Olive, the actual wedding only takes up the last two pages.

King Blozo marries them. There’s a gag where after they kiss, Popeye’s pipe has wound up in Olive’s mouth. And then she throws the bouquet.

And the Sea Hag of all people catches it. And immediately starts chasing Wimpy to marry him.

The Sea Hag: “Wait! I caught the bouquet!”

Wimpy: “And I’m catching the next plane out of town! -- Happy honeymoon, Popeye and Olive! I’ll drop you a line from wherever I’m hiding!!”

So that was the Wedding of Popeye and Olive and it was funny and it was cute and it has given me a new appreciation for the characters.

Thank you, box of mystery. I never would have read this without you.

#50 more days of comics!#Popeye #Olive Oyl #The Wedding of Popeye and Olive Oyl #good times

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