#i mean i would’ve made you suffer with this regardless but

[elliemarchetti]

Gwynriel Weeks Day 4

I know I said I would write drabbles for this year's @gwynrielweeksofficial, but I got a little carried away.

The angst saga goes on.

Prompt: Warriors

Words: 920

War meant death, and loss, and suffering. It was horrible in all its forms, but war against a god of death and his followers was devastatingly cruel. It didn’t take place in an open field, it had nothing to do with the honour and the thrill of battle that was talked about in books. It was made of secrets, some to be kept hidden at the cost of one’s life, some to be uncovered regardless of what one had to sacrifice to do so. Gwyn didn’t think she was cut for this type of war, a constant battle between survival and feelings, between integrity and safety. She had realized it some time ago, when she would’ve died rather than leave Nesta alone on that sacred mountain she would’ve preferred to see razed to the ground, and even before, when she had sacrificed her innocence just to save the children of Sangravah. The training she had undergone after had taught her she should’ve behaved differently, be more selfish, but at the same time her mentor told her she did the right thing, making her incredibly proud.

It happened during one of their private sessions: they were both sweaty and exhausted, but battle don’t stop when you wish for it to, so her instructor had tried to end the fight as quickly as possible, to teach her a lesson and return to his rooms, where he would’ve washed the dirt away and from which he would’ve then disappeared until the next day, but he scared her, and a single tear had run down her freckled cheek. He had let her vent, he had let her cry and scream in despair and sob without ever showing the slightest sign of mercy, his fists clenched as if to keep himself from killing those responsible, souls he had already reaped during another war, against another enemy. He had saved her, and had massacred anyone who so much as laid eyes on her, yet he wouldn't tell her where he spent his nights, if he had a home in Velaris, an apartment whose location only the High Lord knew, or if he flew every night to his mother’s house.

Gwyn knew she was stupid for having fallen in love with a mystery. She realized the complexity of her feelings when no one heard from him for a while during a mission and even his closest friends began to accept the idea he might be dead. She had talked with Emerie about going after him, and had even argued with Cassian, but in the end she had waited like everyone else until he returned, unharmed and distant. Those who knew him well had told her it was normal, that Azriel never talked about what he had seen and had to do during his travels, but Gwyn wanted to know, she wanted to take that weight off his heart and see his shoulders relax under her touch. She yearned for a moment of intimacy, and prayed every night that the Mother or the Cauldron would allow her to be seen by him as a possible partner and not as a mere pupil.

“You did the right thing,” he had told her on that occasion too, when they had finally found themselves alone after weeks spent being constantly surrounded by priestesses, friends, and allies. She may have done the right thing, but she still felt guilty, because the male she loved took for granted that no one would ever come looking for him, that no one would ever enter his study looking for clues as to where he was headed.

“You could have found a mangled corpse, a rotting carcass devoid of meaning,” he had warned her, and when she told Nesta, her voice breaking at the mere thought, she had suggested that perhaps the spy’s path wasn’t her vocation.

“Nothing will ever take away the title of Valkyrie and Carynthian from you,” she reminded her during one of their sleepovers. “But maybe a role that puts such a strain on your morals isn’t what you need to heal.”

Gwyn had been tempted to agree with her, to end her training with Azriel and forget about Koschei, but when he had sent her a note in his familiar handwriting, a simple white card with a date and time to meet, her resolve crumbled and she showed up at the training arena right when the first star started to shine in the night sky. They had fought, sure, but for the first time he had taught her to recognize what was happening around her when she was deprived of her predominant sense.

“Fae and mortals are equal in this: we rely on sight because we’re used to, but when it’s taken from us we must still be able to protect ourselves and prevent the enemy from turning us into weapons,” he had explained, standing so close to her she had felt his hot breath on her neck and the ghost of his wings caressing her back. She almost fainted at the sensation, but the lesson had been helpful, more than she liked to admit.

“Do the right thing,” he had told her some weeks later in a foreign land, when their vision started to diminish and everything around them faded in pitch black darkness. A spy would’ve run, a soldier would’ve listened to the orders given by a superior, but she was a warrior, so she put his arm around her shoulders and began to trudge in search of shelter.

#gwynrielweeks2024 #azriel shadowsinger #gwyneth berdara #acotar drabbles #or should i say short fics?

[flamingfalcon3]

Why Mike lying in his monologue would destroy his character

So the idea of Mike lying during his monologue has been an almost universal theory among a certain group of shippers. I get the impulse to write it off, as the monologue was pretty damning for their ship. I’ve seen the theories about the lightning, and the vines tightening, and the screenshot about the writers not believing in love at first sight, but I’m not here to discuss whether the monologue is real or not. I might do that another time.

I want to discuss the implications of the monologue being a lie, as I believe it would decimate Mike’s character and put his treatment of El on par with Brenner’s.

Throughout season 4, we get a glimpse of El’s time in the lab; how she was forced to compete with her brothers and sisters in order to earn childhood commodities like candy or extra time playing with toys. This struck me, because in previous flashbacks we’ve mostly seen her being punished for not accomplishing tasks. However, on a second rewatch of season 1, I noticed other moments where Brenner “rewarded” El for doing what he wants. One moment where he gave her a plant before she went in the sensory deprivation tanks, and, more importantly, the moment where El kills the two guards who threw her in the dark closet. This time, however, instead of giving her a physical reward, he cupped her face in his hands and called her “incredible.” This was the first instance where we saw Brenner act as a “father-figure” towards El instead of an emotionless scientist. We can conclude from these handful of scenes that affection was something El was supposed to earn. Love was conditional, and she had to use her powers to earn it.

Mike, from the very start of the show, was portrayed as the foil to Brenner. While Brenner rewarded El as it benefited him, Mike showed compassion to El before he even knew her name. It would’ve been easier to leave her out in the storm. He did not know about her powers or that she could help him find Will. He was also incredibly defensive of her when they found out she did have powers, and ridiculed Dustin when he treated her powers like a fun dog trick. He was the first person to ever treat El like a human being, and she fell in love with him for it. With Mike, love wasn’t something she had to earn.

Skipping ahead to season 4, El was at her lowest point. She believed that she was a monster. That her boyfriend had fallen out of love with her. The powers that she’d been trained since birth to associate with love and affection were gone. She’d started to regain a sense of self after standing up to Brenner, coming to terms with the fact that he was the one who caused all the pain and suffering in the world, not her. Vecna tries to shake this newfound confidence El had during their confrontation, reminding her that she was the one who made him into what he was, as well as letting him back into the world. We’ve seen that El is at her strongest when she feels loved. Vecna knows this, and uses her insecurities against her to make her feel like a monster again, which in turn makes her feels unlovable.

Mike’s monologue assures her that she is loved. More specifically, she’s loved by the person who’s seen her at her worst and who she feared stopped loving her because of the things she’s done. Again, she’s being reassured that love isn’t conditional. That Mike’s love isn’t conditional.

If Mike lied during his monologue, and by extent the whole relationship, he would’ve been acting like her abusers. He would’ve been manipulating her emotionally in order to get something out of it. He did not have to tell her that he loved her. He could’ve said anything else because he didn’t know that love was what gave her strength. The implication that Mike lied during his monologue means he used one of El’s biggest insecurities in order to make her more powerful so she prevent the apocalypse. You can argue that El did not believe him, but you cannot argue that it wouldn’t have been a despicable thing to do regardless. Trying to manipulate someone to that degree is bad even if they didn’t fall for it, especially someone like El.

If you want to theorize Mike as some master manipulator then that’s one thing, but what baffles me is the group that believes Mike was lying in his monologue should be with their favorite character. Why would you want a character who emotionally manipulated his girlfriend for years to be with another heavily traumatized character? It would be so much easier to just have his feelings be genuine and have El break up with him regardless.

Idk how coherent this is, but I can’t stand it when people spend so much time trying to prove that Mike was lying in his monologue without considering the horrible implications it has for him as a character and I wanted to bring some light to that.

#I should write about why i believe mike was telling the truth in his monologue next #mileven #stranger things #el hopper #eleven #mike wheeler #mike x eleven #stranger things 4 #stranger things season 4

[ahmedmootaz]

Since you respond here quicker than ao3 and had to look up what was my question, why won't X give himself a new name post-tMFoA? I can get the explanation with Hope. (And had X had been named Hope in au, I really would’ve think Angela would scoff at the reminder from Hope the person, with the seed of light being grown by blood and suffering)

But this is actually me segue on what will X and Angela would name BH? Would it be the same as Ayin, since one is a clone and the other is his creation? (Weirdass family tree there) or one or both of them have better naming sense than him?

What about Carmen anyways, how's her naming skill? And why not throw The Distortion, I guess. Because who names them, the distorted themselves? TD? the patron librarian (and lcb sinners)?

I was mostly thinking X and Angela adopting BH post-AiP (but an au of X being part of Library founding would be neat in a different ask) but wasn’t sure how far BH is cause Angela in her bad end has ridiculously long hair, versus LoR's short hair. Cause X's fate is nebulous if he wants to live long, or died from the battle or from clone degradation.

So potentially we could have Angela adopting BH with fond memories of X, X lived long enough to love and care for BH but still cut short anyways, or none of those two and I'll finally get X/Angela slowburn.

Dear astrocouriers,

Good questions all around! And quite the complex and interesting ones too, although I hope you'll forgive me for not replying too quickly, even though it was quicker than the time it would've taken on AO3, ahah.

Essentially, my personal reasoning for why X wouldn't change his name is that whatever he would choose wouldn't be him anymore. Being "Hope" or "Ayin 2" or any other name simply wouldn't have had the relevancy to him that X does; simply changing his name would be too easy after everything he went through, in a way. There would be no struggle in just deciding to be "Hope" from now on, but it simply isn't who he was. He was never the hope that the Corporation's denizens needed, and he wouldn't stand up to Ayin's legacy and power, he was simply an unknown factor in an otherwise perfectly planned equation. An 'X' factor, if you will.

Hence, X's name to him signifies that battle that he had to endure. It signifies that he was simply a variable that had no real purpose beyond his assigned role, a failed clone with little abilities compared to his original version and with a far meeker attitude, unimportant enough to the grand scheme of everything and everyone that he wasn't even given a proper name.

But more than just that, it especially signifies that he survived. In spite of all of these hurdles, in spite of being a faceless, nameless clone with a singular task and no grand purpose after it, in spite of being intended to simply die after his purpose was complete, he not only lived, but he carved himself into a person. The name X, then, is a proof that he survived everything that was thrown at him and gave a meaning to a nameless, faceless clone, just as Ayin gave meaning to the hollow word that 'promise' is in the City when he promised Carmen and went through the unimaginable for her.

As a last note, I think X wouldn't like discarding his name because, despite all of the negative memories associated with it, it's the name he came to recognise for himself as well. For all of the pain it holds, it holds a lot of happiness and relief as well, a constant reminder that regardless of how bleak it is, he can make it out again, just as he made it in the Corporation after countless (mostly forgotten) restarts to the Script.

As for your second question, hmmm...I think Angela would have great difficulty finding names, and honestly, so would X, seeing how both of them are either close to Ayin's method of thinking in X's case and straight-up Ayin's daughter in Angela's case, which means both of their creative skills are likely a...dud, to say the least. Still, I reckon that eventually they can settle on something that they'd find from their books, such as Aqua because X is a sentimental fool and the name reminds him of Angela's hair (plus the name is semi-neutral so whether or not the BH is a boy or a girl it'd work). But yeah, if the other Librarians were around, they'd likely be the ones to find a suitable name while Angela and X argue together about how weird/not weird their relationship/family tree is.

As for Carmen, considering she's the exact opposite of Ayin, I'd say her naming skills are vastly superior, and that she/The Distortion is likely the one that picks Distortion names, seeing how most Distortions aren't exactly conscious enough to pick their own names. If we go by the theory that Abnormality names were also spawned from Carmen's subconscious/Bucket, then she seems to have quite the palette of names to choose from, definitely something she'd be sad she couldn't transfer to her daughter, hehe.

If I recall correctly, Angela's bad ending occurs some thirteen years after Roland's defeat, so in such a scenario, I think X would definitely choose Angela repairing his wounds and degradation so he could not only live with her, but with the BH. I think X isn't averse to living a long life, actually, but I also think he would wish to die at some point. He's evaded Death long enough now, and even if he decides to grow old with Angela by his side, he has to pay his due one day, and he'd like to come to terms with it on his own instead of being forcefully evicted out of his mortal coil.

In other words, yes, I think that if Angela and X adopt the BH, you'll finally get your Angela/X slowburn, kehehe.

Once again, thank you for the insightful and fun ask, astrocourier! I hope to see you again soon! Be well, stay safe, and see ya'!

#lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #my writing #ayin #manager x #angela #ask #library of ruina spoilers

[rlyehcityplanner]

FF16 Ending Theory and Themes (BIG OL’ SPOILERS)

Having now completed it, I’m gonna summarize my ending theory and what I think ultimately are the two core driving themes presented by the end

1. “Duty and obligation ties people together, sometimes to a detriment”

2. “The wills and wishes of people usually come to fruition even if it can take generations to achieve”

So we’ll start with the themes

1. As we see the Undying obligated to serve Joshua/House Rosfield sometimes to a fault, which Clive says basically verbatim to Cyril. Regardless, of whether they have noble intentions or causes, people can be led to a tragic or ruinous course quite easily by obligation and duty.

Clive himself, is duty-bound to serve by Joshua’s side, and he strives to carry on Cid’s goals of creating a more egalitarian world. This, despite Jill’s protests to him that he puts a large burden to do so, upon himself. 

Side-note: I have seen some criticism that Jill gets side-lined in the third act (yes, absolutely) but that by giving Shiva to Clive it robs her of agency. I think she made it very clear it was her choice to do so. Mind you, her other option was to keep using Shiva until she died, but I think Cid would agree that in itself was a choice as he wanted to create a world where people could choose the terms of their death. She still gives Clive shit afterward about him struggling to lean on others, and I think she has a clear an defined arc of seeking atonement herself. Jill is probably one of my favourite characters, period.

The narrative choice though ultimately of side-lining her unfortunately made a fair bit of sense in the third act, as she, like Joshua would’ve succumbed to the curse. Is it fair that narratively we let Joshua suffer longer? Perhaps not, but I think Jill chose to live, while Joshua expected to die and said as much (especially right at the end, and Clive just accepted his choice)

Gameplay-wise I would’ve been fine having a de-powered Jill as a party member, I mean Byron still kicks all kinds of ass despite being the most normal dude.

Back on topic now, 

Interestingly, Ultima parallels Clive in that he, like Clive, does everything in his (it’s?) power to protect his people. Ultima falls prey to duty as much as Clive does, Clive in the final battle calls Ultima out for being as flawed, and prone to poor decisions as his creations. 

2. This one I really liked because the wills of people Clive is constantly defending, and I realized it amounted to people’s “wishes” or goals. Cid has clear goals, to free the world of class strife, that is his wish/will. Jill begins the game, by making a wish upon Metia and the game is book-ended by Metia disappearing from the night-sky, implying Jill’s wish that Clive would safely return to her came true (strongly foreshadowed in several quests including Priceless where Jill essentially spells out the ending:  when the dawn breaks , you always come back to me or in another quest for Hippocrates where Clive receives a quill pen, and Hippocrates says he wishes Clive will someday be able to ‘put down the sword and pick up the pen’ and Clive replies by saying he’d like to write a book someday)

Similarly to Clive carrying out Cid’s wishes, or Jill’s wishes being implied to have come true, Ultima asks Clive what happens now that he has won? Clive anwers humanity will struggle, and things will not be easy. To which Ultima replies was it worth all the effort then? Clive [paraphrasing here] answers this by saying it may take generations and years but we will achieve what we set out to do

Essentially they’re saying collaboration and unity is possible but it will be a long hard-fought road and will come from the collective will of the people

which brings it full circle back to the more basic initial themes of “brotherhood” and “unity”

Now, my theory on the ending:

Well, I kind of covered it partially in the section on the ‘wills and wishes of the people’ I’ll elaborate further here

It’s pretty clear Clive probably survived, there’s a ton of foreshadowing (covered above) and there’s also the book in the after-credit scene to consider.

The author is Joshua Rosfield, but I don’t think the actual Joshua had survived. We can infer from all that foreshadowing Clive is likely the author, and using Joshua’s name as a pseudonym like how he used ‘Cid the Outlaw’ to perpetuate Cid’s goals and to honour him. So it’s to honour Joshua most likely.

The family we see I think may just be Rosfield descendants who passed down Clive’s book in the family

The only clue to whether Dion survives is that his Active Time Lore entry does not change, and we have seen Dominants survive worse situations. Narratively, I think it would be perfectly acceptable for him to have survived anyhow.

Our two suggestions to whether Joshua survives would be Clive’s insistence to never break a promise again and his attempt to heal him after the battle with Ultima. 

Based on the line that Clive says that not even Ultima’s power was enough, it’s likely Joshua didn’t survive. 

Also, I think Joshua having survived would undermine his own choice of having died on his own terms, he wanted Clive to accept it and carry on. Which I think Clive did.

I mean mid-battle, Clive takes a moment to grieve his brother, if Joshua survives, that moment also loses a fair bit of impact. 

But that’s just my interpretation. I think I’m gonna let this game’s story stew in my head for a bit as I really loved it but don’t want to overvalue it due to recency bias but damn, this one is sitting quite nicely.

#final fantasy 16 #ffxvi #FF16 #spoilers #video games #themes #there's a lot here to grapple with and it's really fun to get into #haven't enjoyed a narrative this much in a while

[guhamun]

@caemthe said (inbox):

[ cú, for naga ] "You know, it would've been fun if we were summoned to a holy grail war. I would’ve loved to go all out and hunt you down. Your head would’ve made a mighty prize tied to my belt." Sometimes, a moment of vulnerability was talking about important events of the past, other times, it was... this. These were things the Lancer would never say in the presence of the master or to the majority of their allies as they weren't 'appropriate' anymore. Too crude and offputting for someone who often wore the brightest of smiles. But such was rather tiring at times. "I mean, for someone who used to be human, it seems you forgot your limitations as one. That's pretty amazing if you ask me. I've killed countless warriors that, regardless of how tough they wished to appear, all had fear in their eyes when I was about to behead them." Like prey when it's about to receive the final strike from the predator, even if it fights back, the roles already are defined. Boring. "But you wouldn't be afraid of me, right?"

     MOST WOULD HAVE FOUND this particular line of…conversation, horrifying. No sane individual happily talked about taking another person’s head as a trophy, most especially one who could be called a ‘friend’. However, Cu and Nagayoshi were hardly normal, and if anything, the Oni Muasashi found it all quite entertaining and pleasing. Warriors of their caliber preferred the heads of those worth beheading. Why present such as a trophy to your lord when it was some foot soldier? No one cared about those. They wanted a general. They wanted their closest allies. ❝BWAHAHAHA! Is that, right?❞ Head thrown back, he laughed the heartiest of laughs. ❝Nah, I have always been like this!❞ Nothing could stop him most of the time when he had chosen a target. He had gained his infamous name for a reason, bringing fear to whoever realized who it was that stood before them with that bright red hair and sharp-toothed grin. Nagayoshi Mori, the one to be avoided at all costs, the one that even allies feared for being so unpredictable. Only a monster like Nobunaga could keep him tame, or so it was said. ❝If I hadn’t been shot, I would have at least taken a few down before being speared to death. What a boring way to die…and right at the beginning of the battle too.❞

      He grumbled, memories of that fateful day one that always had a way of souring his mood. At least Cu got to die in a cool, gruesome way. ❝I would have loved bringing your pretty head back to my Master. If given the chance, you would have been the first I would have gone for.❞ In a very odd…Nagayoshi way, that in itself, was a compliment just as much as Cu’s own morbid praise was the same. ❝Cut off my arm and I’ll keep coming. Tear open my throat and I’ll still make you regret it… Heh, what a good battle we would have had. I’m all torn up over it!❞ Cu need not worry about Nagayoshi being prey. Even with their memories taken, both would know a fellow predator when they saw it, and being what they were, they couldn’t suffer the other to live. Still, no ill will would be had from him. Oni had to kill, and wolves had to hunt. ❝But…I guess it’s just as fine havin’ you as an ally too even if we don’t get to go all out and kill each other.❞

#[their friendship is so true #JKFDHSFJDSSDFSD] #caemthe #;camethe : cu #;v: chaldea days #;;f.go #answered #;;inbox #;post: beta #;m: nagayoshi

[mermaidsirennikita]

I will admit that I very much enjoy reading you tearing apart the margarita show :P do you feel like the way billycamilla was portrayed in the show made you appreciate billycamilla more in the book even though you ship billydaisy more? I enjoy both dynamics

Lol thanks! I think there are a lot of people who dislike the show (I mean, including a lot of critics) that don’t feel like they can say anything because of how loud the fandom for it is. I don’t care; love it all you want, but I just found it loathsome.

Not really, because I also very much loved Billy and Camila in the book already. My thing about Daisy and Billy was that I loved them because I didn’t want him to choose her. I loved the tragedy of them and the layers to the triangle. I think we societally are very black and white about infidelity and what people are emotionally capable of (at least in the US) and we are super intolerant of the idea that a person can be in love with two people at once without invalidating either singular love. The book portrayed the emotional reality of how messy relationships can be; and I think it touched on something we don’t want to discuss often when glorifying these loooong relationships that last like 30-50 years. Like, yeah. When you’re with someone that long, the odds of you having to choose to stay with them and work on things when someone else has piqued your interest increases. Obviously. We want this idea that once commitment happens, only really shitty people stray or are tempted, and that’s just not… the math doesn’t math on that one for me.

So yeah, I always thought Camila was the right woman for Billy, I always believed he loved her more (do I think he was always the most *in love* with her? Well, based on his statements, no, and loving and being in love are two different things) and I think their bond was ultimately more important on like, a very primal level. Billy and Daisy’s love related to wants versus needs, imo. The want to devote yourself to a craft, the want to indulge, the want to be this uglier side of yourself because one person will accept it.

But for all that we want to indulge those impulses, there is more to life than indulgence. You still have to breathe. You still have to function. Imo, Daisy and Billy’s relationship romanticizes this idea of art as production, this idea that you’re only creating if you create art, and that’s a higher ideal, and suffering for it somehow makes it BETTER. And as a creative person who loves art, like—idk, to reference someone who I think definitely influenced the vague concept of Billy (aesthetically sorta kinda…. They tried…)….. I think The Doors made great music, great art. But I also think it would’ve been objectively better if Jim Morrison had like, not overdosed at 27, because regardless of whether or not his mental illnesses and addictions made his art better, someone dying in that manner just isn’t worth it.

I think it’s so significant that in choosing Camila Billy also really gave up being this dedicated artist. And that’s not supposed to be a bad thing. She is life. She is production of life, of happiness, of simple pleasures and like, not dying for your art. And I hate so much that the show shortchanged her.

#daisy jones and the six

[dxrlingdaydreams]

I saw that you were struggling with writing, so allow me to provide words:

"lake", "marvelous", "cool / cold"

Looking forward to seeing what comes out of this!!

THANK YOU FOR THIS, I WROTE SOMETHING IMMEDIATELY. Here's a little one-shot about some characters. They're kind of irrelevant to any current WIP but I love them dearly.

It wasn’t difficult to slip past the fencing that guarded the lake from outside trespassers. Whether or not I was one of them, I never bothered to give much thought. The cold crisp fall winds whipped through my cloak, burning my skin to the bone. It didn’t matter. The beauty of the mossy water brought me peace in life’s troubles regardless of the season. We used to meet here, back when things were still easy. To this day I long for the simplicity of our youthful memories. Every summer morning met along the shores.. Here we danced, we sang, we loved. If I could go back in time, I never would’ve sacrificed the love we had for the superficiality of our family’s war. That didn’t matter either, not now. There was no going back. The same fallen log we had sat on and talked for hours remained, only now it had sunken into the bank of sand- rotting away with time just as I imagine the both of us have. Despite its ruined nature I curl up beside it just the same. Sometimes I still see us in the water. The way the sun shone down on our happiness and danced across the sky.. The way that your marvelous smile illuminated my heart is unforgettable. Our innocence then would’ve lasted forever without their influence. You’d helped me fall in love with myself, as broken as we both were, and made me realize that maybe I wouldn’t forever be cursed to a life of misery.  Well, here I was today, as miserable as ever. I’m sure after everything, you hope I’m cursed forever to this eternal suffering. The end of our days were insufferable, dedicated to fighting a battle that wasn’t ours. That didn’t make our love for one another any less.  Every time I see your face in these crashing waves, it’s easy to ignore the pain. Instead I’m brought a sense of calm in the quiet. I imagine what you would say if you were here with me, if you were still at my side as we worked through life’s troubles together. Maybe that’s why I didn’t notice that your reflection drew nearer today.  Only when you placed your hand gently upon my shoulder that I heard your voice saying my name. “Colombia?..” The soothing call of my name melted me completely, as though I’d never heard it before. My gaze abandoned the shining depths to meet your eyes.  “Ikthuriel,” I sighed in return. The tears forming in my eyes were quickly whisked away by the raw breeze. I couldn’t bring myself to get to my feet as they’d easily buckle beneath me. As though you read my mind, you joined my side on the ground. When you wrapped your arm around my shoulder, momentarily it was as though you had never left.  “Why are you here?” I wasn’t accusatory, I was grateful to have you at my side regardless of the circumstances.  “I’m always nearby when you need me, doe.” Your reply was simple, like it was obvious. What did you mean by that? This wasn’t the first time I had been here, and it definitely wasn’t the first time I had wished for your presence- yet here you were, my gentle angel.  I couldn’t keep myself from slumping into your embrace. I was honestly too drained to fight away my feelings. You rested your chin on top of my head and that’s what broke me down.  “Things have been so hard,” I uttered through weeping. “I’ve been so alone.” I don’t know why I expected pity. This all had been my own choice. It seemed like the answer at the time, to give up on us. We each had duties to fulfill and abandoning them wasn’t an option. I thought I was protecting him from my mother’s endless wrath; I didn’t realize that meant that I’d have to face it alone.  “You don’t have to be alone anymore,” your words were like a promise. It was quiet for a moment as the waves lapped against the sand. For once, the setting sun shone down on us once more. “Can you just hold me for a little while?” I palmed the tears away and sniffled through my trembling request.  “Always.”

I also had a little bit of help from this prompt.

#colombia oc #ikthuriel oc #asks #prompts #midnights-melodiverse #promptsforthestrugglingauthor

[weakforarwen]

The Secret Sharer

Contained within this great kingdom is a rich variety of people with a range of different beliefs. I'm not the only one seeking to protect you. There are many more who believe in the world you are trying to create. One day you will learn, Arthur. One day you will understand... just how much they've done for you.

The tragedy of this scene made me cry. One day Arthur will learn... when he dies... And even then he never learns the whole truth, and never gets to build the world so many gave their lives for. In fact, what world was Arthur trying to build? Maybe a more compassionate and fair Camelot, but not one where magic is legal. Merlin, Gaius, the Catha, all believed in a world that was beyond Arthur’s imagination, one Arthur was far from ready to embrace.

If anything, this episode proved, once again, that Arthur’s still like Uther in so many ways. In the Witchfinder, Aredian interrogated, tortured, and tricked Gaius into confessing to practice magic as a way to protect Merlin. Gaius was Uther’s loyal advisor, like he is Arthur’s, and Arthur himself tried to stand up to Uther and argue they didn’t have enough facts to sentence Gaius. Yet, seeing as Arthur still watched Gaius be taken to pyre and, if not for Gwen, would’ve let him die, I guess the events of this episode are not that surprising after all.

History repeats itself. Arthur never learns his lesson. He lets Agravaine question Gaius even though he feels it is wrong. When Arthur suspected Agravaine of being a traitor, he went to his uncle and allowed him to defend himself; but he didn’t allow Gaius the same courtesy. He was cowardly. He let Agravaine do the dirty work while he watched. He couldn’t even look Gaius in the eye. I commend Gaius for trying not to flat out condemn magic in the beginning.

I guess it’s a good thing that Arthur let Gaius “flee”- But he also told Merlin to watch his words when he accused Agravaine. “I don’t want to lose another friend”, he said. He really values Merlin that little? I guess Gaius’s lifetime of loyalty, or the many times Merlin almost died for Arthur, mean nothing, because they’re not family. 

Sadly, Arthur gets away with his cowardly and disloyal behavior so easily, as always. All he had to do was apologize and look contrite, which he was. Merlin will never stay mad at Arthur for long. He can’t, when he needs to believe in Arthur; otherwise, his work, his destiny, mean nothing. But maybe Arthur would think twice in the future about accusing his friends of betrayal if he had to suffer the consequences, like Gaius had to. 

I was surprised that Gwen was in the episode. I couldn’t remember her. She visited Merlin because Arthur told her about Gaius and about Merlin accusing Agravaine of framing him. He really does tell her everything. She agrees with Merlin that Agravaine’s shady, but thinks she can’t do anything because Arthur trusts him “more than anyone”. That may be true about matters of the state, and I believe that Arthur would pass off any accusation toward Agravaine as Gwen simply defending Gaius and trying to help Merlin, but the only person Arthur trusted more than Agravaine was Gwen.

In all honestly, it feels like Arthur doesn’t truly trust anyone and is capable of turning on anyone. He’s on edge, thinking he must rule alone and never give anyone his full trust, while also feeling strongly that he’s wrong to do so. But Agravaine knows this, and as such is able to manipulate Arthur easily. Unlike his friends, who care for him, Agravaine doesn’t mind playing Arthur like a fiddle and exploring his insecurities. He tells Arthur exactly what he wants to hear - that he’s weak and needs to be cautious at all times. 

Arthur doesn’t want to trust anyone. Sometimes I’m not even sure he truly trusts Gwen or Merlin. But I have to believe he does, as much as this Arthur almost feels like a stranger. But, regardless of trust, Gwen has always had the power to make Arthur listen to her. Even if it’s hard for Arthur to trust anyone at the moment, Arthur needs Gwen more than he needs Agravaine, so he’ll always choose her in the end. If Gwen hadn’t been doing her best to be neither seen nor heard (blame the writers), perhaps she would’ve talked to Arthur. The writers never capitalized on Gwen’s influence over Arthur; she never tried to influence him in any matter, she only encouraged him, which I find a pity. They knew she was too influential. She had the power to manipulate Arthur very easily. 

I noticed that when Arthur is alone with Agravaine in the throne room, waiting for Gaius to be escorted in for questioning, he’s fiddling with the ring in his hands - the same ring Arthur intended for Merlin to give to Gwen in case he died in His Father’s Son. After Gaius is questioned, Arthur remains alone in the room, seated at head of the table; in the next episode, Lamia, he decides to propose to Gwen (imo), and in the one after that, Lancelot Du Lac, he proposes. Arthur wishes to share the burdens of the crown with someone, which means he trusts Gwen with his life and Camelot. 

Anyway, poor Merlin. Apart from Gwen, Gwaine also checked in on Merlin. I’m always happy when the writers remember that Gwaine was loyal to Merlin first, before he became Arthur’s knight. Merlin didn’t want Gwaine’s help initially, but, unlike Arthur, he knows when to ask for it. Gwaine helped Merlin find Gaius, and he even caught Agravaine with a knife to Gaius’s throat. Somehow, though, Agravaine weaseled his way out of it. I guess no one would want to assume Agravaine was the traitor, right? Gwaine’s concern for Merlin was cute though. He wanted to go look for him, but Agravaine convinced him he was okay.

Also, how is it that no one ever finds it suspicious when the person they are fighting suddenly flies across the air or trips for no reason?

I don’t quite understand why the Catha saved Merlin. Just from Gaius’s words alone he believed in Merlin’s destiny and pledged his allegiance to him? He must’ve been tired of people like Morgana. He wanted hope, not hatred. I liked his character, though, and I felt for pain. His story deeply touched Merlin.

I understand the burden you carry. I have lived with it all my life. I have been shunned, persecuted, and sometimes even hunted in every corner of the five kingdoms. I understand what that feels like. You're not alone. From what Gaius told me, I do not have your great powers, Merlin, but I share your hopes. For I, and others like me, have dreamt of the world you seek to build. And we would gladly give our lives to help you do it.

I liked that scene a lot. 

Merlin’s facial expressions were so good. He looked so angry and disgusted by Agravaine. He must’ve felt such a sense of injustice that Arthur would do that to him. It’s hard to understand why Merlin puts his life and the lives of his kind in the hands of someone who doesn’t value him. What did Arthur tell Merlin? That “Gaius condemned himself”. Right. Actually, Gaius did condemn himself, when he decided to serve and protect those who would hurt people like him, thinking he was the exception to their rules. 

Poor Gaius, though. It devastated him to think he had betrayed Merlin, but there was nothing he could’ve done. His bond with Merlin is so beautiful and touching.

M: He would not leave without saying goodbye to me.

G: I worry that one day I'll let you down.

Play on my emotions, will you.

This episode made me rethink every nice thing I’ve ever said about Arthur. It was also painfully dull at first, but improved considerably after Gaius was kidnapped. I really did cry in that last scene. Arthur and Gaius’s conversation was truly touching. 

I've looked after you since you were a nurseling, Arthur. You should've known I love you far too much ever to betray you.

Arthur looked ready to cry at Gaius’s forgiveness and easy admission of love. He isn’t used to people loving him so openly. 

Gaius also told Arthur the truth about Dragoon, which sadly had no effect whatsoever on Arthur. Far be it for Arthur to grow as a person. It’s much funner to make him Uther 2.0 but with a good dose of guilt. 

Anyway... it was still a good episode. But I have a final question: if Merlin is a thorn on Agravaine and Morgana’s side, why not just kill him? It’s not that hard. I think Merlin would actually die before revealing he has magic. 

#bbc merlin #bbc arwen #arwen #gwen pendragon #arthur pendragon #gaius #merlin #gwaine #the secret sharer commentary #the secret sharer

[septembersghost]

You’re back! I missed you and I’m glad you’re back for the finale (fingers crossed it’s better than the last two we suffered through).

Your post about brba/bcs is beautiful. Idk who was being mean to you last week (I will bite them), but I for one am so so glad you started posting about brba and bcs, because I never in a million years would’ve watched them otherwise. I’d written off Breaking Bad as a violent, overhyped show that I wouldn’t enjoy, but when I saw you posting about it, I reconsidered.

After all, Dexter should’ve fallen into that same category - a violent show with a mostly male audience - and I love our darling serial killer. (You brought him back to me too, and I will never be able to thank you enough. Without you, I would’ve gone forever without seeing season five, and seeing Dexter and Lumen. It’s horrible to even think about). And the show that started it all kind of falls into that same demographic, though it’s hardly as violent or as praised. So I thought, maybe Breaking Bad would be like that. If it and Better Call Saul were so important to you, then I would probably at least like them. And if I didn’t, then I could at least like Aaron Paul’s face.

But I don’t think I’ve ever watched a show so quickly without trying. I started it in early May and finished El Camino before memorial day, and I took breaks! Days off to try to savor the experience, take it in more fully, but it demanded to be devoured. I plan to go back and watch it more slowly once some time has passed, to fully take it in, and I know it will be one of those shows I come back to over and over again. Not a comfort show exactly, but a familiar one, an important one.

Better Call Saul isn’t quite the same for me - I think it’s the kind of show that would’ve benefited from a slower watch, rather than my rushed marathon to catch up in time and watch the finale in almost real time. (I’ll watch it tomorrow morning, but I’m not watching it live. Last time I watched an episode of television live it was the episode that doesn’t exist, and I won’t do that again.) But I’ve had such a fun time with it, and I’m far more emotionally connected than I thought I would be. I’m not sure what kind of ending I’m expecting. I want a happy one, but I don’t know that we’ll get one.

Regardless of how this series ends (and the brba/bcs universe, but saying “regardless of how this universe ends” is a bit dramatic even for me), I’m very grateful to you for bringing it into my life.

thank you so much for this message, sweetheart, i was saving it for after the finale, and it made me really happy to read.

I’d written off Breaking Bad as a violent, overhyped show that I wouldn’t enjoy, but when I saw you posting about it, I reconsidered. this is not an uncommon opinion, and i don't blame you (i thought the same back in the day!), its reputation on the internet has gotten a bit away from what the core of the show actually is. i'm very glad you decided to take a chance on it anyway.

i mentioned this (though not by name) in my post, but breaking bad and dexter were ending at the same time in 2013. i'd started watching dexter a few years before that, and the last season was rough on me (lol little did we know), and breaking bad was exploding in popularity in its final run. i was mostly like, hmmm, maybe i'll consider watching this as distraction from this other story i loved going badly, and it ended up hooking me and being far more meaningful than i anticipated. but dexter was the same for me as you described, i would never have thought i'd get so attached or care about it with the expanse of emotion that i felt, that i still have when i go back to it. i've loved being able to discuss that with you too, and that you got to experience lumen's story especially. and as i've discussed many times, the show that started it all, on the surface, shouldn't have been for me necessarily either - male-focused and seemingly violent and machismo laden, and yet that isn't what it is at all. each of these stories are far more intricate and emotionally resonant than that, and i'm grateful they've had presences in my life, and led me to explore the themes and hold onto the characters.

If it and Better Call Saul were so important to you, then I would probably at least like them. And if I didn’t, then I could at least like Aaron Paul’s face. this is SO real (it is a very good face!), but it's wonderful that you ended up truly enjoying the shows too. 💕💕💕

breaking bad is inherently bingeable, you just NEED to know what's happening next. it's the fastest show i've ever gotten through a show the first time too, though i was racing to the finish line with it at that point, it was still easy to, as you said, devour it.

i have a collection of shows i love that aren't necessarily comforts, and yet there's something about the familiarity of them, the profound feeling of them, that makes them easy to fall into nonetheless. brba and bcs have both found homes in that category. they crafted such a profound and breathtaking universe, in the way the narratives intertwine (i can no longer recommend one without the other at all!), in the complexity and multifaceted pieces of all of the characters. they are truly treasures of the artform to me, and it has been a gift being able to share them and the conclusion of this journey with you.

#my facial expression reading this message was exactly this gif #lanne13 #*HUGS YOU* #letterbox

[leatherbookmark]

words cannot describe how much i dislike the “jgy is pressured to marry qin su even though he’s already fucking lxc” thing

(and yet i’m going to use words and bitch about it regardless, ignore me)

like jesusssssss whatever reason you make up it just Doesn’t Work. putting aside the fact that in canon both jgy and qs had to fight for the permission to marry -- yknow, hinting that their parents weren’t thrilled when they heard about it -- no one actually gains anything by this marriage, politically. the qin sect is already subsidiary to the jin, qin cangye is loyal to jgs, and if they had plans of marrying his daughter to someone from the jin, don’t you... think... they would’ve talked about them much earlier...? jinlintai is fucking huge, we know of jin zixun, jin chan and his buddies, the jin sect definitely doesn’t suffer from a deficit of children/disciples.

even if you have rumors about how jgy might be a cutsleeve... i mean, he’s also a son of a whore and people already act as if he carried all possible illnesses at once, so being gay would be the least of his problems, if not a flat out good thing to some, considering as a cutsleeve he won’t reproduce!

he’s his father’s dirty work boy, not the president of the united states, he doesn’t need a wife, 2.5 kids, a labrador and a white fence to appear Respectable. like I GUESS if he had a family jgs could threaten him with their lives, but... what for? jgy already does everything jgs wants him to because he’s this thirsty for fatherly approval. if anything, starting a family could divert his attention from his job and make him act up, and what then?

like even if you made up a scenario where some new sect (that has something the jin sect would love to share) wants to arrange a political marriage, jgy is literally the last person jgs would consider letting marry, unless he wanted to insult the sect, because... again... son of a whore... would you offer to marry your political/business partner’s precious daughter to such a dirty person? so his grandchildren have whore blood in them? etc, etc

i just. ugh

#shrimp thoughts

[theleafunderneath]

dear you,

Dating you was probably the biggest personal mistake i have made in the past year. allow me to explain, it’s apparent just how much i liked you. I even believed the thought i was “in love” with you, regretfully so. Im writing this letter to you just so i can really, and i mean REALLY, move on with myself. Will you ever read this? no idea. maybe when we graduate. well anyways, i just wanted to say that you really hurt me. In our relationship i had put in so much effort and you led me on to believe you were truly in love with me. Oh boy was i naive to think that. Am i still angry at you? most definitely not by the time you read this letter. however i had suffered through so much emotional turmoil and putting in so much effort into a relationship that never worked out. Solely because you didn’t really like me. I understand that you’re inexperienced, because yOu mEn don’t think of emotions as often as uS wOmeN dO!!!1!1! I had tried to be so understanding to it, yet to no avail there was no compromise. I was so incredibly frustrated and i had always told myself i needed to completely see it from your view. However i had believed you truly liked me from the beginning which was where i had gone wrong from the start. You never liked me beyond a platonic way, and that is not a bad thing. I just wish i knew that before i had given you my heart. because it really hurt. it hurts when you give your heart believing you could trust somebody with it and it simply gets put aside. I know i shouldn’t have taken this as seriously as i did, but embarrassingly enough, i really did think you were somebody worth fighting for. I’m sorry i’m overwhelming in terms of emotions, and I’m sorry that i wasn’t enough to have you want to stay. At the very beginning i had always tried to grow up and be mature. I worked so hard to be somebody that my boyfriend would be proud to have as his lover, but its not worth much if there was no romantic connection to begin with, is it? I really tried to mend it all, and come to a compromise. However looking at it now, it’s obvious you never valued me enough to consider a compromise. It’s just a shame how much i truly believed that it would work between us, because i was willing to change at the drop of a hat to make it work with you. It doesn’t matter how much work i would’ve put in though because it only ever mattered how much you wanted, in your heart, to put in. Well, regardless, it was “worth the shot” wasnt it? Actually, i really dont think so. I wish we just stayed friends like your heart was comfortable with. I wish denys and mark never pushed us together, because i really believe that was the downfall. Not to toot my own horn, but if there was even the CHANCE that you could have ever truly liked me back romantically, it should’ve been happening organically and through your own real feelings. Note that to the next poor sap who has to be your girlfriend. This whole thing was never truly from YOUR heart. I’m sure you just didn’t understand that, which is also okay. This is the real reason as to why i regret dating you. Well honestly, for as little as i may have resented you in the past for treating my feelings so lightly, those negative feelings still happened unfortunately! So maybe not the “only” reason, but the real reason i regret it, is solely because i can’t believe i lost an amazing friend in such a short amount of time. None of this would have happened if we never dated in the first place. I was so satisfied simply being your friend and i respected your boundaries for me to give up on my feelings. Then, an amazing friendship that lasted the past 3 years of my life, just gone. I just really wish we stayed friends. Since our break up, I distanced myself because of how much it hurt and sometimes it still does. Though, I’m sure by the time this letter gets out, i will have surely gotten over you. If we ever become as good of friends ever again, awesome. If not, thats okay too. There is not a doubt in my mind that God has a better plan for the both of us. So, thank you for everything.

with platonic love,

me.

#growth #healing #mental health #positive #love #personal vent #self discovery #letter #love letter #hate letter #reconciliation #&039;impractical jokers&039; alum joe gatto reconciles with wife bessy after split #hes never gonna read this #a letter #positive thinking #positivity #self care #growing pains #growing #pain #heartache

[iamnormal707]

Journal #3 [Madness and It’s Myths] Hysteria

Historically, the word “hysteria” was tied to a woman’s reproductive system. Originally, the term originated in Ancient Greece. The philosophers Hippocrates and Plato spoke about the womb, hystera, and how it caused an array of physical and mental conditions. During the 19th century, female hysteria was talked about more than it'd ever been talked about before. An example of what treatment for female hysteria was, is the short story The Yellow Wallpaper. In the long of short, the story surrounds a woman who suffers from postpartum depression and how she was forced into complete isolation by her husband.

The question is, if hysteria was tied to abnormal behaviour (regardless of the meaning of the word hysteria), why are women the only ones to blame? One would then question the power dynamics when it came to gender. Throughout history, it would seem that women have been used as the scapegoat for anything and everything. For a woman to have female hysteria, their symptoms could range anywhere between depression and mental illness; moral views; relationship status; if she was infertile; menstruation cramps; or even their intelligence rivaling their husbands. There was also the issue of the witch trials, which can now be referred to as mass hysteria. Europe was incredibly religious at the time, thus why most witch trials took place in central Europe more than anywhere. The majority of them would result in death. An example being Germany had the most trials ending in death, approx. 6,887 women. At that time, Germany was fully Christianized during the 16th century (which is when the trials took place)(Religion in Germany, n.d.). Women would be put on trial on any accord deemed suspicious (even if it was mundane) by society. Women would be called a witch if they were widowers; herbal women/doctors; had menstruation pains; suffered from mental illnesses. Since then, the majority have moved past that point. Being a witch is a form of empowerment, not restricted to gender, for anyone can be considered a witch. With the practice of spirituality, witchcraft, voodoo, or paganism, all witches use their mediums to better themselves, hand back the power of themselves to them; going against religious and oppressive forces.

Before this lecture, I would’ve never realized how passionate I would be about this topic. What surprised me was that in every exorcist movie, the one to be possessed was always a young girl. That revelation expanded my world and made me think back to my childhood and all the media consumed and is still consumed by me even till this day. I did not realize that it was a trope up until that week. I found myself relating back to this lecture like never before.

I, myself, identify as a witch and practice things like witchcraft, spiritually, and slowly crawling my way into modern paganism. I always knew about the witch trials and have read about the history behind them during my personal studies. Even before it was mentioned during the lecture, my mind went straight to the Salem Witch Trials and the ones all around Europe. Although I knew about the religious factors, only when the class talked more did the statistics really slap me in the face. Needless to say, I would think that the majority of us would be put on trial if we were from those days.

The only thing that I did not fully agree with was the statement, “witchcraft is a feminist movement.” Myself and others of the witch community can agree that the line between the mainstream media and witchcraft is beginning to blur, but not necessarily in a good way. Yes, witchcraft is advertised and is about manifesting and using magickal means as a way to empower oneself and encourage oneself to strive to be a better person. Everyone can be a witch, if they believe or do not believe; it’s all about getting the desired outcome you hope for.

The problem of the mainstream media is that they usually twist the words of the people from the community. Witchcraft, spiritualism, etc, are about empowerment of oneself, but the craft itself is much more versatile than what the media presents it as being. Witches themselves are still oppressed in society due to the community feeling misrepresented and being the butt of the joke. Only when looked at with a critical and analytical eye, are these crafts respected for what they truly are(like this amazing class); regardless if the one analyzing agrees or does not agree with the practice. The majority of practitioners do not turn a blind eye to things like science, history, psychology, or anything that some people would assume we’d turn a blind eye to. Witchcraft is not a feminist movement, it is versatile and cannot be owned by a certain defining word; it is expansive and means different things to different people.

[ice-emperor-zane]

imagine if sweatin’ to the goldies took place post-s15, because Jay saw Clutch had the lamp. Instead of wanting to go to the afterparty, he wanted to go back to the monestary like Zane did, but unlike Zane it wasn’t because he was tired, though i don’t doubt he was

It was because he had to tell Nya about this, she was the only person who remembers, the only person who could understand, and in his whirlwind of panic over seeing the lamp he forgot about his grief for her, for a while

the two rushed back to the monestary, Jay almost dragging Zane behind him, the appetisers forgotten, only for him to remember as he walked into her old room, now a storage room, that she truly wasn’t there

#i told you all in the tags of my screenshot post it was easily angstable but nobody seemed to notice so now please kindly suffer /lh :) #i mean i would’ve made you suffer with this regardless but #still idk #also wdym ive said this idea before but worded like slightly differently? shut up no i havent you’re wrong i would never wdym #lego #ninjago #lego ninjago #jay walker #jay ninjago #nya smith #nya ninjago #sweatin’ to the goldies #angst #ns15 #ns15 spoilers #ninjago s15 #ninjago s15 spoilers #seabound #seabound spoilers

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Merlin Scar Reveal Part 2(final part)

Merlin tries to pretend nothing happened, Arthur says “that’s stupid.”

Part 1

Merlin’s nightmares last for the rest of the afternoon and extend well into the night. 

The heat certainly doesn’t help, and it takes all of Gaius’ effort to keep his temperature low enough to not boil him from the inside out, but he manages with help from the knights. Mordred and Lancelot refuse to leave the servant’s side of course, but the others loiter in the corridor the entire time, and take turns sprinting to the cold store and kitchens for ice water and cloths.

It was difficult to stand there waiting, being given scraps of information on Merlin’s condition, especially when most of the scraps consist of something along the lines of “Hopefully he’ll snap out of it by the morning.”, which was certainly not helped when the occasional whimper floated out to them from the young servant’s room.

After a few hours, Leon was the one to draw the short straw to go and talk to Arthur. Whilst all of them were mildly miffed that Arthur had pushed Merlin so far, they knew that ultimately, it was all of their faults. All of them had pushed him, and none of them had protected him from being injured in the first place. None of them knew how much he had suffered, was still suffering. Considering Arthur’s... extra feelings for his servant, it was no wonder he’d reacted even worse than the others.

The First Knight agrees to go, knowing he had the best chance of talking some sense into The King, though he refuses to leave until he sees each of the others settle in their beds; it had been a long day, and would likely be an even longer day tomorrow. They all need as much sleep as they can get.

Arthur doesn’t answer when Leon knocks on his door, but the knight lets himself in after a few moment regardless, doing so quietly so as not to startle the man if he was asleep or, more likely, deep in thought.

The King was sat at his desk, chin resting on his hands, and Leon has to stamp down the surge of protective adrenaline in his lungs when he sees the dry tear tracks on the younger man’s face. He doesn’t notice Leon’s presence, not even when he very deliberately clears his throat, so the knight walks over to him slowly, rapping his knuckles harshly on the desk. That finally catches Arthur’s attention, and he looks up with a start, hands reaching for the sword that Leon knows he has hidden under the desk.

The King lets out a deep breath and relaxes back in his seat when he sees that it’s just Leon, hastily wiping his eyes before clearing his throat and looking up with a fake confidence:

“Sir Leon, what can I do for you?”

Leon just raises an eyebrow, but when Arthur holds strong and doesn’t react he lets out a deep sigh and collapses into the seat on the other side of the desk:

“Come on, Arthur. We need to talk about this.”

Arthur gulps, trying to keep his unaffected façade up, but failing and dropping it after only a few moments; something about the soft, overly concerned look Leon was giving him made him want to wrap himself in blankets and sob himself to sleep. He frowns and just about manages to keep the tears in:

“Why wouldn’t he tell me? If not about the physical scars, then about all the times he’s been hurt. Does he not think I would’ve given him time to recover? Or, God forbid, helped him?”

Leon purses his lips slightly in thought, still having to make a concerted effort not to gather The King up in a tight hug as he considers his questions:

“I don’t think it’s about you, Arthur. Merlin is... a private person by nature, and he doesn’t like worrying people. You heard Mordred, he and Lance found out by accident, and even then Merlin tried to keep them away from it as long as possible.”

Arthur stands, the guilt and sadness in his gut now frothing with anger as well. He paces around to the centre of the room and Leon stands to watch him carefully:

“He can say it’s not about me as much as he wants, but I’m The King, Leon,-”

He whirls on the knight, and Leon clenches his jaw, resisting the urge to raise a mocking eyebrow. He knew to expect anger at some point, but that doesn’t mean Arthur was entitled to it:

“-I have a right to know what’s going on in my Kingdom. I should’ve been informed of Nimueh and Morgause’s deaths, I should’ve been informed that Cenred was torturing people for information. How many other countless adventures has Merlin had that have put himself, Me, the Kingdom in danger, simply because he didn’t want people to know much about him?? None of that was his call to make.”

Leon does raise an eyebrow at that, but Arthur was too busy furiously pacing to feel scolded quite yet. The older man crosses his arms and huffs slightly, waiting for The King to calm before responding:

“Be that as it may, that’s not why you’re angry. You can lie to yourself, Arthur, but you can’t lie to me, and you certainly shouldn’t lie to Merlin. If you go to him pretending that you’re angry because he put the Kingdom at risk, and not because you’re heartbroken at him having suffered so much, then he’ll never forgive you. And when you realise that, you’ll never forgive yourself.”

Arthur looks to Leon sharply, but the anger drains from his face within seconds and his whole body sags slightly, the exhaustion of the day having caught up to him. A glance to the now dark window tells him that it’s well into the evening, but he can’t find it in himself to be annoyed at the unfinished paperwork on his desk or the hunger in his stomach from not having eaten since before noon, not when he knows Merlin is being tortured by nightmares and injuries that have long since healed. Injuries that he should never have had in the first place. Leon waits patiently for Arthur to respond:

“I don’t want him to be in pain. I just want to help him.”

His cracking admission has Leon give up on holding himself back, and he strides towards The King to pull him into a tight embrace. Arthur tenses at first, but quickly falls into the older man’s affection, accepting a hug for the first time since he was a child. Leon responds softly, aware that he only had a short time before Arthur pulled away and put his walls back up:

“Merlin’s already in pain, Arthur, but that doesn’t mean we can’t now help him.-”

He feels Arthur nod into his shoulder and squeezes the man tighter for a moment before pulling back, keeping a tight grip on The King’s shoulders:

“Come on, you need to get some sleep.”

Arthur’s tired, longing gaze moves to the paperwork spread haphazardly over his desk, and Leon shakes his head, tugging Arthur’s shoulders so he looks back at him:

“No, work isn’t an option, your mind is not in any sort of state to be productive right now. You’re exhausted, Arthur, a few hours of sleep will do you some good; I hate to say it but The Kingdom won’t stop needing attention whilst we... sort through this, and you’ll need the energy tomorrow.”

Arthur shakes his head, stepping back and rubbing his eyes tiredly as he takes a deep breath and straightens his back. Leon steps back as well, re-introducing the respectful distance that should be between a King and his Knight, waiting for Arthur’s no doubt stoic response:

“The councilmen will survive without me for a day or two, if not then that really should be something I’m made aware of so I can get to replacing them. Merlin and I need to...-”

He cuts himself off and clears his throat:

“-has there been any news? Any change?”

Leon shakes his head, but catches Arthur’s wrist when he begins walking towards the door:

“Arthur. I just about managed to convince everyone else to get some sleep and you need it more than them.-”

Arthur looks back indignantly, failing to portray his Kingly Anger in his exhaustion and looking more like a scolded child:

“-You know I’m right. Get some sleep, Gaius will inform you if anything changes.”

For a moment, it looks like Arthur wants to argue, but he quickly lets out a deep, bone weary sigh, nodding before moving sluggishly towards his bed. Leon nods approvingly, muttering a soft “Goodnight, My Lord” and smiling slightly at Arthur’s hummed response before quietly exiting the chambers.

~

Arthur can convince himself, for a few blissful seconds, that it was all a bad dream when he wakes up the next morning.

His curtains are thrown wide open; the sunlight streams in and forces The young King to groan and roll over, attempting to shield his eyes from the brightness. Merlin’s cheery voice echoes throughout the various chambers:

“Come on, Sire, up and at ‘em!”

Arthur just grumbles a slurred “Fuck off.” before his brain wakes up and he throws himself from the bed, thankfully wearing sleep clothes but only just managing to catch himself on the bedside table before he falls over:

“Merlin!! What the hell are you- are you ok?! Did Gaius say you could get up?!”

Merlin looks back at him with the same disapproving, mocking glare he usually uses in the morning; Arthur is taken aback at the darkness in his eyes. He can’t quite decide if it made it’s first appearance this morning, or if it had always been there and he just hadn’t noticed. He doesn’t know which idea he hates more:

“I’m fine, Arthur, no need to worry about me. And for your information, I’m a fully trained physician, I don’t need Gaius telling me what I can and can’t do.-”

He rolls his eyes and turns to The King’s desk with a huff, gesturing at the mess:

“-It’s flattering that you rely on me so much Arthur, but really, this is ridiculous.”

Arthur is finally broken out of his shocked stupor, shaking his head disbelievingly and taking a few short steps towards his manservant. He goes to yell but quickly backtracks, snapping his mouth shut and taking a deep breath before trying again, softly this time:

“Merlin... we have to talk about yesterday.”

Merlin’s reaction is immediate and harsh. The quill that he had picked up from Arthur’s desk snaps in his sudden tight grip and the tension in his shoulders is painful looking. He freezes for just a moment before forcing himself to relax, casually throwing the broken quill into a waste basket before continuing to organise the desk, refusing to look up at The King:

“No, we really don’t. I’m fine, My Lord.”

The lack of sarcasm or sass in Arthur’s title worries The King greatly, but the way Merlin regains more and more of the tension in his shoulders the closer Arthur walks to him is even more worrying:

“Merlin... look at me.-”

The servant gulps, biting his lip at he stares at the desk for a few more moments before forcing himself to look up. He recoils slightly at the tears in Arthur’s eyes, but doesn’t allow himself to look away. Arthur opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by the door to his chambers opening with a bang as Mordred and Lancelot rush in. They’re both red-faced and panting, speaking at the same time:

“I swear to the Gods if he snuck out of bed to work, I’ll-”

“I apologise My Lord, I don’t suppose you’ve seen-”

They both freeze as they see Merlin stood behind Arthur’s desk, paperwork crumpled in his tight grip and face fallen into a annoyed frown. Arthur throws his hands up, frustrated as he paces and mumbles:

"Just... come in why don’t you. No, don’t worry about knocking just run on in like you own the damn place.”

Lancelot spares him a quick glance but locks the door behind him and crosses his arms like an angry mother as he looks to the irate servant:

“Merlin, we’ve talked about this, you’re meant to take the morning off after a bad night, Gaius says-”

Merlin just rolls his eyes and turns away, interrupting Lancelot’s scolding as he continues to tidy around the room, his annoyance evident in his harsh tone and hurried movements:

“I’m a physician too, and I say I’m fine. I would like to just... get on with things, please.”

Arthur has to stop himself from recoiling at the way Lance and Mordred’s faces fall, the pain and grief sadder than anything he’s ever seen in their expressions before. He takes a moment to think before giving the two of them a pointed look and quietly asking:

“Can you give us a minute?”

Lancelot looks doubtful, but willing. Mordred plants his feet and crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow. He doesn’t say anything, but it’s obvious he has no intention of leaving Merlin’s side; as much as Arthur finds that admirable on a personal level, as King it’s unacceptable. He’s normally not a fan of pulling rank among friends, but maybe that’s because he normally doesn’t need to. Perhaps this whole mess was his fault, Mordred obviously felt so, but Arthur could hardly fix it with them glaring over his shoulder. He raises himself to his full height, a good few inches above Mordred, and uses the tone of voice he normally reserves for particularly difficult councilmen:

“You forget whose presence you are in, Sir Mordred, you’d do well to remember again. You are both dismissed.”

Mordred’s eyes go wide and he takes in a sharp breath, but after a quick glance to Merlin’s turned back he dutifully bows and walks from the room stiffly. Lancelot’s postures straightens as well, and he follows Mordred after a confident:

“We’ll be in Gaius’ chambers should you require anything, My Lord.”

Merlin was oblivious to the conversation, though Arthur reckons he was deliberately ignoring it as opposed to being actually unaware, especially with the way the servant’s shoulders relax when the door shuts behind the second knight.

Arthur sighs as Merlin continues to putter around the room, refusing to look him in the eye; he leans against the edge of the desk and crosses his arms:

“Merlin,-”

His voice is soft, but the servant still doesn’t look at him, giving a non-committal hum as he clears out the hearth with shaking hands:

“-come here, please.”

Merlin freezes for just a moment, and if the problem wasn’t so glaringly the context of the situation, Arthur may have been able to fool himself into believing that Merlin was just shocked he said please. The younger man stands slowly, turning to walk towards Arthur with his gaze stuck to the floor. He stops with about five feet of space between them and Arthur sighs again, closing the gap until only a few inches separates them. The King ignores the tears gathering in both of their eyes as he lifts a hesitating hand, dropping it softly on Merlin’s shoulder only when the servant doesn’t flinch away:

“Merlin, I... you mean a great deal to me, and I know I don’t say that often enough, or at all, really. You... look after me, keep me alive and unhurt, evidently more than I had originally thought. You make me a good King, and a better man.-”

Merlin looks up at him sharply and Arthur can tell that he’s about to argue, so he squeezes his shoulder and quickly hurries on:

“-You’ve been hurt, you’ve suffered in your service to me, and that’s unacceptable but it’s also my fault; I should’ve made it clear that I would protect you from anything. These scars prove your strength, but I understand not wanting to acknowledge them, so I promise I will never ask again. You tell me when you’re ready, and if that’s never, then that’s completely fine.-”

Merlin seems surprised by the promise, and the tears slowly dripping from his wide eyes just make Arthur regret yesterday even more. After a second or two of shock, Merlin visibly relaxes, relieved with the knowledge that he doesn’t have to expect the conversation that he really doesn’t want to have. Arthur gives him a weak smile before continuing:

“-I’m sorry, but I’m also grateful. Thank you, Merlin. But...-”

Merlin re-tenses at the “but” and Arthur squeezes his shoulder again, giving him what he hopes is a reassuring smile:

“-please don’t keep doing this alone. I... I don’t expect you to ask me for help, though I would drop anything in a heartbeat to keep you safe. Even... even if it’s Gwaine, just... I don’t want you disappearing off to save the Kingdom only to never come back again because no one knows where you are.”

Merlin smiles weakly at the disdain in Arthur’s voice when he mentions Gwaine, but quickly frowns again and looks at the floor. He gaze stays lowered when he asks his one word question, his voice quiet and ragged:

“Anything?”

Arthur frowns for a second, confused about what Merlin was asking, but quickly realises, lifting the other man’s chin with his hand, his voice a whisper:

“Merlin, I would give up the Kingdom to rid you of the burden you’ve place upon yourself. I just want you safe and happy and by my side.”

Merlin once again looks like he wants to argue, but a quiet sob falls from his mouth instead and Arthur, damning the consequences and his stupid reputation, pulls the younger man into a tight hug, cradling his head into his shoulder and running a soft hand up and down his back. A few tears of his own slip free but he finds he doesn’t care that much as Merlin shakes in his arms; he presses a barely-there kiss to Merlin’s temple and begins swaying slightly on the spot, wanting more than anything to take away his servant’s pain.

Merlin’s cries slow to a stop after what feels like hours, but Arthur doesn’t let go quite yet, eyeing the unmade bed over Merlin’s shoulder with eagerness, knowing that neither he nor Merlin had slept well last night. He feels Merlin stifle yawn against his shoulder and that just strengthens his resolve; he squeezes the younger man to get his attention and then speaks quietly:

“Reckon the council can survive without me later?”

Merlin clears his throat and responds, but still doesn’t let go:

“Doubtful, but Leon and Morgana could probably whip them into shape. Why?”

Arthur nods and pulls back, frowning at the slight panic in Merlin’s eyes when he steps away but doesn’t mention it, letting his hand slide down from the servant’s shoulder to grip his hand. Merlin visibly relaxes, but still looks confused as Arthur tugs him towards the bed gently; he allows himself to be pushed to sit on the edge and looks up at Arthur questioningly. The blond stops himself from grinning widely at the trust in his expression, instead turning away to shut the curtains and lock the door as he says:

“Shoes and belt off, I fancy a nap, how about you?”

He was expecting an argument, so he's surprised when he turns back to the bed to see Merlin softly smiling as he sets his shoes and belt on the bedside table neatly. They both climb under the covers wordlessly, and Merlin doesn’t hesitate to curl into Arthur’s side when he holds his arms out to him. 

The King holds his servant close, tucking his head against his chest and burying his chin in his soft hair, his arms wound around Merlin tightly. Merlin closes his eyes without issue, finding himself unafraid of the darkness or the nightmares or the firm touch against his back for the first time since his collection of scars began.

The warrior sleeps, plagued by nothing but pleasant dreams and the warmth of a protection he knows he can trust.

~

THE END!!

That took me FOREVER to write, writer’s block really does suck, but I’m glad I finally got it finished. I feel like it’s a little underwhelming, but I hope y‘all like it :)

@1stbonesfan asked to be tagged! <3

#merthur #merthur fluff #bbc merlin #merlin #good mordred #sir leon #leon #protective lancelot #protective leon #protective mordred #mordred #sir mordred #lancelot #sir lancelot #gwaine #sir gwaine #percival #sir percival #tw ptsd #tw nightmares #ptsd #nightmares #haooy ending #angst with a happy ending #elyan #sir elyan #gaius #morgana #good morgana #king arthur

[versadies]

Hey hey!! I've been following you for a while now and I love your work sm aaa

Saw the event, I love soulmate au's 😩‼ as a gemini, may I request a gemini prompt + kaeya? Up to you who the enemy is, I trust you ^ ^

-🦚 @pavo-ocell-me

someday, one day (hc scenario)

penpal: omg hi !! im glad u love my work, i hope this is to ur liking 🙌

prompt: gemini the twins, enemy-lover soulmate au

pairing/s: kaeya x gn!reader

sypnosis: when you thought he was your enemy but is actually your lover.

includes: spoilers on diluc and kaeya's backstory, spoilers on genshin's official webtoon, violence, physical pain, burns, arguing, enthusiastic!diluc (pls take note that its canon that he USED to be like all the other pyro characters b4 his father's death.),

when you first met diluc, it felt like he was your knight in shining armor.

the first time you two met was when you accidentally fell down from your balcony after leaning too much on the railing and diluc managed to catch you bridal-style whilst he was on patrol around the city as a knight.

it truly was romantic– and a near-death experience for you.

so when you found out that his name is imprinted on your wrist, you felt ecstatic, and so did he.

since then, you two were known as the youngest soulmates who had found each other in mondstadt, people admiring your relationship with envy and happiness.

of course, you and diluc were a happy couple. although you would be lying if you said diluc is overall your type, you managed to find yourself falling in love with the man.

when crepus, diluc's father, found out about diluc's once-in-a-lifetime moment, he simply laughs and pats you and his son by your backs with a proud smile.

"by the time my son turns 18, we better make arrangements of your wedding! it's a ragnvindr tradition, after all." he comments eagerly. you honestly weren't sure if the man was joking or not.

it didn't take long before you meet his dear brother, kaeya.

when you find out his brother's name is the same as the one that's imprinted on your other wrist, being surprised is far from your reaction.

"don't worry about it, y/n." diluc reassures you one night as the two of you stroll around the city together. "i'll make sure nothing will go wrong between you and my brother. besides, you always have me, right?"

if diluc hadn't tried what he said, perhaps things would've gone differently than now.

in fear of being enemies with your future brother-in-law, you decided to avoid kaeya like a plague, giving the young man apologetic looks whenever you walk away from his presence.

as much as you're avoiding the man, you couldn't imagine hating on kaeya. every night, you always think of what can make kaeya your enemy. what is there to hate him? he's funny, chivalrous, everything that screams your type of men.

wait.. type?

your heart drops from the moment you started thinking romantic things about diluc's brother, looking behind you to see your soulmate sleeping soundly with a frown plastered on your face.

is diluc really your lover?

doubts started to cross your mind. what if diluc isn't your soulmate? what is there to prove that kaeya is your enemy? are you just overthinking things?

"i can't think about this." you murmured to yourself, pulling up your comforter before laying back down on your bed and try to fall asleep.

"i have a wedding to worry about next year."

just as you said, you did try not to think about the possibilities you have with the two brothers, distracting yourself with tasks and dates with your lover, who's quite oblivious to your problems going on inside your head.

unnoticed by you, you weren't the only one who has been burdened with your thoughts.

by the time diluc's birthday has arrived, the two of you started to get excited from your future wedding, excited to finally marry each other after years of spending your adolescence together.

you didn't expect an inconvenience during diluc and crepus's trip.

you didn't expect crepus trying to save diluc from a monster using something that no one but snezhnaya has ever heard of.

you didn't expect crepus asking diluc to put him out of his misery.

you didn't expect diluc to come strolling back to your shared home with blood stained in his clothing at a late hour.

you never, ever, expected your lover to fight his own brother when he took a visit.

and you did not expect your lover to plan on leaving you and everyone.

"what do you mean you're... you're leaving?" you ask in disbelief, staring at diluc as though he has two heads. "can't i go with you–?"

"no, this journey will be too dangerous for you–"

"this applies to you as well! you're not an immortal or some god–"

"i can do this on my own, y/n." he says with his eyes narrowed. you couldn't help but scoff in disbelief. this isn't the diluc you know and loved.

"but diluc.. isn't this too much? your father... i know crepus's death is too much but, why can't you stay?" you whispered, cupping his cheeks. "what about our wedding? the life you and i planned after your bi–"

"my father died and you're seriously thinking about our wedding?!" diluc forces your hands away from his face, glaring at you. "why can't you understand that i'm trying to find out the truth on this delusion–"

"i do understand!" you yelled out. "i do understand that you want to do this for him but what about monstadt? the knights? what about your brother–"

"HE'S NOT MY BROTHER!" he yelled, lashing out at you as you screamed in surprise when you saw fire in front of you, immediately covering your face with your arms out of reflex.

you didn't notice how your lover's eyes widens on what he did,

you couldn't notice him, not when you're too focused on the huge burns on your arms.

"oh my god..." diluc murmurs, slowly taking a few steps back as he takes a look of what he did, ignoring the sudden presence of adelaide and elzer, who both gasped from the scene.

your eyes starts to water from the intense pain, trying not to cry out and scream your heart out in fear of making your lover feel regret. you could honestly care less on what diluc is doing, all you could think about was the intense burns from your arms.

suddenly, the door was slammed open by kaeya– who was wet from the rain outside.

"what the hell did you do to them?!" kaeya exclaims, running towards you with a shocked look on his face. "i'll take you to the cathedral alright? the sisters will heal you." he whispers, wiping off the tears from your face as he wraps his arm around your shoulder and takes you towards the doors.

before diluc could let out a word from his mouth, kaeya gives him a glare.

"you may hate me for what happened," kaeya says.

"but for celestia's sake, don't ever come to them or call them your lover ever again."

that was the last time you saw diluc.

you eventually find out from the chattering nuns that the man had already left monstadt with no news of when he'll return, causing everyone to pity you and for diluc about what happened.

you were thankful that no one except the nuns found out about the incident of your arms.

throughout your stay in the cathedral, you usually find kaeya beside you, keeping an eye on you with a concerned look on his face. you honestly couldn't imagine what would've happened if the man didn't storm inside dawn winery. would diluc actually try to help you later on and leave? would you have suffered more with your injuries as he stands by watching you in disbelief?

whatever outcome you could think of, your heart ached from them all.

would diluc stayed had he been the one who tries to take care of your injuries?

either way, you knew the man is no longer the one you fell in love with from those years ago.

as years grew by, so did your friendship with kaeya.

although it was awkward from the start, you eventually warmed up to the man who you thought is your enemy, feeling more comfortable with him than before.

the two of you started having careers by then, with you having a successful career whilst kaeya becomes the calvary captain of the knights of favonius.

although the two of you are busy, you agreed to always meet each other at night in angel's share, where you drink the night away and talk about anything that comes out of your minds.

there wasn't a day when you thought about diluc.

thankfully, your burns weren't too severe and is slowly fading away throughout the years. but that doesn't mean the memories you had from it disappeared as well.

ever since that dreadful night, you started having nightmares about the incident, always finding yourself sitting up from your bed with a scared look on your face.

you wished you didn't want to see diluc this way, but you honestly couldn't bare to face him if he ever comes back to the city.

you don't see him as a lover or a friend. all he is to you at this very moment is your nightmare.

your nightmares simply washes away when kaeya comes up in your mind.

whenever you think about your so-called destined enemy, you felt comforted and safe. it was understandable really! you were touched by how he took care of you regardless of you being his "enemy".

however... now that you could think about it, the calvary captain has a lot more common with you than diluc himself. the fact that his brother made you laugh a lot and supported you in many ways made you started thinking that maybe diluc really isn't your destined lover.

your heart skips a beat from the thought of kaeya being your true lover, the smile you wore never fading away.

perhaps when you're finally starting to move on from the relationship you had with diluc, maybe... just maybe, kaeya could be the one you've been hoping for.

you started to sleep more peacefully, excited for the future that awaits.

somewhere in the calvary captain's home, the man is dreaming and hoping of you too.

#ik diluc doesnt have enemy-villainy energy but he's only your destined enemy because of how you don't like him as both friend and lover #anyways hope you enjoyed this! #diluc x reader angst #diluc x reader #genshin x reader #diluc ragnvindr x reader #diluc x y/n #diluc x you #diluc headcanons #diluc scenarios #kaeya x reader angst #genshin kaeya #kaeya x reader #kaeya x you #kaeya x y/n #kaeya #kaeya fluff #kaeya imagines #kaeya alberich #kaeya alberich x reader #kaeya alberich x you #kaeya headcanons #kaeya alberich x y/n #kaeya scenarios #diluc imagines #kaeya hcs #genshin hcs #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact au

[llamagoddessofficial]

Thank you to @lost-immortality​ for commissioning this Death God Sans x Reader (plus a special guest~) piece! This was a joy to write!

The Mouth of the Underworld was legendary, to say the least.

It made sense that you’d want to see it, even just one time. When you entered and left the Underworld, it was through Sans’ ability to instantly bring himself anywhere he wanted, not via the Gates that separated the mortal world from that of the dead. Sans had been somewhat confused as to why you wanted to visit it (“not much to see, my love, it’s just a cave.”) but he’d been willing to take you. 

He was... concerned, however. If that was the right word for it. Because of what was guarding the Gates.

Cerberus.

Sans had raised the issue that it may not be a good idea to come to the Gates while the legendarily foul-tempered hellhound was present. He mentioned that Cerberus, while at the place he had unfailingly guarded for thousands of years, tended to become aggressive and overzealous; dangerous to be around, even for deities who normally had nothing to fear. Cerberus didn’t quite strike as much fear into the hearts of Gods and mortals as Sans... but that wasn’t a particularly high bar to cross- and it didn’t mean the creature was exactly beloved either. 

He was the reason Souls without Sans’ permission never made it out of the depths.

“Come on, it’ll be fine. I know you’re nervous but there’s no danger. I’m certain I’ll be safe if you’re with me, Sans...”

“you aren’t subtle. i know you’re trying to manipulate me.”

“It’s working.”

“yes, it is.” He stood from his desk, cloak manifesting from the silver brooches at his shoulders and flowing down his back like wine from a goblet. “we should go now, if we want to arrive before mortal sunset.”

...

It was an absolutely beautiful cavern. A cathedral-like white cave, pillars and signs of worship carved into the stone, sun beaming in from the cavern mouth... great ancient boughs of wisteria wound up the walls and ceiling, hanging thick grapelike bunches of violet and lilac flowers that filled the air with a sweet floral scent and carpeted the ground in soft purplish petals.

... And there he was. Cerberus... asleep as far as you could tell (thank the stars). Far, FAR larger than you’d expected- big enough to be mistaken for some kind of titan or hydra, enough to easily swallow unfortunate men whole. A looming skeletal dog; three great crowned heads, skulls bearing terrifying sword-teeth, the length of his body decorated with scars from years of defending the mouth to freedom. He was laying with his body blocking the mouth of the cave... you briefly wondered how many people had this silhouetted image as the last thing they saw before being violently sent back to the depths of the Underworld.

...

One of his heads, the middle one, opened a socket. Not asleep anymore. You flinched back- Sans placed a steadying touch on your shoulder, no doubt used to people fearing the Guardian. Cerberus had lights in his deep void eyesockets, like his master; observant and sharp as they rolled to land on you. How many Souls had he seen come and go? A single breath from one head sent up a cloud of petals.

Something new... 

... As if the central head had whispered to the others, the other two lifted and glared across the cave at you... you were safe with Sans, right? Right. You backed into him even more and he moved his hand to your forearm. Part of you wanted to ask a thousand questions, is this normal, are we fine? but the other parts of you didn’t dare speak in case it agitated the monster.

... Cerberus fully raised all three heads, dragged his clawed feet underneath him, he’s standing? The sound of bone scraping against rock filled the seemingly endless chamber, petals tumbled down from his shoulders and off his back, he must’ve been there for years... he turned...

...

... And leapt toward you. 

You were certain for a moment that he intended to crush you under one humongous paw but, to your shock, as he moved through the air he shrank. When he jumped he was a beast with teeth as big as your head...

... And when he landed in a light shower of petals, just before you, he was merely the height of a lion, his shoulder perhaps at your waist height. The guardian of the gates stood before you...

... Then barked, play bowed, and rolled onto his back.

...

You immediately gasped, dropping onto your knees out of Sans’ hold, rubbing the exposed ribcage like you were ruffling fur. Cerberus’ first head stuck out a glowing blue tongue, and the middle one barked again, skeletal tail thudding against the ground fast enough to resemble a heartbeat.

“Oh my goodness, you’re just... so fearsome, aren’t you?” You cooed, scratching his ribs. “The stories were right, I’m terrified! Are you the scariest beast in all three realms? Yes you are, yes you are...”

Cerberus eventually rolled back over again, jumping up, pushing his middle head against your face- you couldn’t help but laugh, enthusiastically petting him, and the first head insistently pressed against you too to the point where you would’ve gotten bowled over if you hadn’t quickly readjusted your footing to dole out attention to both.

... Sans chuckled. You were hardly paying attention to him. The third head, apparently a little calmer than the other two fussing you, lifted to greet Sans at your side.

“first you steal my heart,” Sans said, giving Cerberus’ greeting head a small, affectionate scratch on the jaw. “then a place in my bed. and now you steal my hellhound... honestly, when are you going to let me rest?”

“Never.” You wrapped your arms around the two close heads. “This is my puppy now, I’ll fight for him.”

“no need. you seem to be his favourite.”

As if to confirm Sans’ observation, you were gifted the blessing of a very gross lick on the side of your face by the head that’d just returned from greeting his master. 

... You soon realised a predicament- something that was, perhaps, the greatest tragedy that could befall you. It made your heart drop. You turned, looking up at your betrothed, rubbing one of the insistent noses that pressed against your cheek. 

“Sans. You can curse people, right?”

... He raised a curious brow. “... yes.”

“Find whichever horrible monster decided I could only have two arms, and give them the worst curse you have.” Two arms, three heads... injustice. “They need to suffer unendingly for their cruelty.”

“i’ll see to getting that done for you, love.” He teased. “until then... cerberus is one being, so i’m sure he won’t mind your predicament. he seems happy to receive the attention, regardless of the head.”

“You’re really going to look at this adorable creature and tell me you don’t want to pet every head at once?”

Sans laughed, seemingly unable to help himself, a beautiful dark sound. You weren’t sure if it was your adamancy to bestow love on Cerberus, or your declaration that he was ‘adorable’ that apparently entertained him so much... but it always felt nice to make Sans laugh.

“... Hey. Now that I think about it... looks big and scary, is feared through both heaven and earth, but is secretly adorable and gentle... you two are more alike than I thought you’d be!”

“come now. you can’t be saying things like that.” He smirked. “i have a reputation to uphold.”

You held Cerberus’ most affectionate head, the first, and pressed a kiss to his skeletal muzzle as revenge for his gross lick.

“... I know you said he comes and goes from the palace as he pleases... but I really hope he follows us. Otherwise I’m going to have to come here every single day.”

... You were half joking, in your dedication to return to see your new dog. But luckily for you, you didn’t need to make the journey- Cerberus, the ‘untamable’ monstrous hound, wouldn’t leave your side for a moment and loyally followed you and Sans all the way back to the palace, barking and wagging his tail the whole time.

...

Well. Now that made two ancient underworld-dwelling skeletal godmonsters that developed an instantaneous affection for you. Maybe you had a knack?

#commissions #llama writes #death god sans #fables and romances #BIG DOGGO #ehehehehhe #mc: if I had a nickel for every terrifying slightly eldritch skeleton creature that instantly loved me I'd have two nickels. #which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice