#i mean if we're being honest here she wouldn't really wear that dress properly and would probably be feral instead of elegant but then again

[softquietsteadylove]

Maybe this has a new AU potential? :)

Photographer Gil and Model Thena. But it’s Thena who falls in love first!

Gil is the best photographer and very popular so Thenas agency got lucky and managed to book an photoshooting for 2 days!

I really enjoy your work so a big thank you! ❤️

Thena flipped her hair in the other direction as the flashes continued to bombard and surround her. She angled this way, angled that, pursed her lips, lidded her eyes slightly--everything they always asked of her.

"That's perfect, Thena," the photographer - not even clicking the shutter, just letting it roll - drawled at her. His praise was as empty as her interest in this shoot. "You're doing amazing, sweetie."

"Ahhh, I've seen you do better."

Thena's eyes sparked at the increasingly familiar voice. She had only worked with him a few times by this point, but she had to admit that he was at least better than the hack currently at the helm. "This is a closed set, you know."

"I do know," he walked forward, out of the shadows and towards the blinding lights focused on her. "I'm taking over."

Thena just barely bit back her excitement at that.

"That may be, but we're not exactly done here," the current photographer stated, pulling his camera - and the photos he'd taken thus far - into him defensively.

"Oh, I think you are," Gilgamesh shrugged his stupidly wide shoulders as he dropped off his own camera bag. "You're doing her an injustice--is what you're doing. If I saw these proofs I'd ask for my money back, man."

"Excuse m-?!"

"Come on," he rolled his eyes as he started adjusting his lens and settings. He waved vaguely at the current set up, "you're washing her out, you spent no time thinking about how to light her properly, you're not even showcasing the product well."

"She is the product!"

"She's not for sale," Gilgamesh snapped back at the other photographer. "She may be the canvas, but you're doing a terrible job as the artist, so beat it."

Thena dropped her arms to her sides, letting her hair fall as it pleased around her shoulders. She was stiff from holding herself in the same three poses for the last hour. The previous photographer left in a huff, barely packing up the equipment he'd brought with him. If he hadn't been so boring and annoying, maybe she would feel bad.

Gilgamesh tilted his head at her as he walked into the lit space to move things around. "You've had a fun morning, huh?"

Thena shrugged, watching as he picked up entire light stands - sandbags and all - and moved them back. At least she wouldn't be roasting alive anymore. "Not everyone has your charm, Gil. He's just doing what's familiar to him, which is taking pictures of stationary objects."

Gil paused in his rearranging to give her a grin, "you think I'm charming?"

Thena paused just a second in their banter. One agonising second. "I said you had charm, not that it worked on me."

"Sure thing," he chuckled, opening up the barn doors on a few of the stronger lights to spread out their spill. "And that's his own fault if he's going to lie on his portfolio. Product photography doesn't mean you're ready for model stuff, even if you do take your friends' instagram pics."

Thena was happy to watch him work, adjusting the dress - one of many she would be wearing over the span of the weekend - spilling around her. "I have no problem being a stationary object if it means I get to sit down."

Gil found it funny that she often suggested she was lazy, even though she was one of the most booked models in their line of work. He would know; he was also highly sought after. "Thena."

She looked at him, although the way he was looking at her made her want to look away again. She was a model--she was used to being looked at. It was her job to be beautiful, and to be admired for that beauty. But something about Gilgamesh was different.

"You are not an object," he said softly, and in a way that was more honest than anything her co-workers could ever even attempt. He walked over to her again, sorting out some of her tousled hair, "stationary or not."

He stepped back to his camera, but that gave her the opportunity to try not to look flustered.

He sat down and pulled his camera into his lap, although not up to his eye. Gil preferred a very natural method of capturing his photos. Whether she had meant to say it or not, he was charming, and he was good at using that to encourage his subjects into a more relaxed rhythm.

"What have you been up to?" Thena began, having learned since her first few times working with Gil that he always started off his shoots with some light and easy conversation. She had fought it tooth and nail the first time, but there was something so personable about him.

"Mm, a lot of company work," he mumbled as he clicked through his camera settings, looking up at her and down again repeatedly. "Some food shoots."

"Do you get to eat the food?"

"No, a lot of it is faked to make it actually look good."

"That seems like a rip off."

Gil laughed, and damn if it didn't make her want to laugh too. It was so infectious.

Thena smiled. "I saw the stuff you did for Vanity. It was good."

"You think so?" he grinned, snapping a picture in the middle of their conversation.

She nodded. She was still just sitting the way she naturally would, folded up slightly over herself, legs crossed and hunching her shoulders. But he hadn't corrected her posture yet.

"It was kinda boring, though," he lamented, snapping another picture.

"Oh?"

He shrugged, stretching his legs out in front of him. "They're not as fun to talk to."

"As fun as...?" Thena lifted a carefully shaped eyebrow at him.

"As you."

"Lying to my face?"

"No lie," he denied, sitting back slightly in the chair next to the unused tripod. "I think our talks are fun."

"I feel a little puppeted when you say it like that," she murmured, looking down at her neutral painted toenails stretched out in front of her.

"Not a puppet," he laughed as he snapped another picture. "Maybe like a doll?--or one of those birds that can talk?"

Thena's jaw dropped at the playful jab, although she was undeniably smiling (it was pretty funny, she could admit). "I could demand a new photographer."

"I don't think so, they're paying me top dollar for the whole weekend," Gil grinned at her as he switched tactics, attaching his camera to the tripod and setting its auto timer. "You're stuck with me."

"Stuck with a photographer who thinks of me as a parrot?" Thena gave him another unimpressed glance as she stood as well, brushing the dress off and sorting out its layered and breezy skirts. She barely noticed the camera taking pictures at its timed intervals.

"A pretty one." Thena laughed at the lazy amendment. "There it is!"

"What?" she looked at him past the lights, tucking back one side of her hair, the way she liked.

"You have a great laugh," Gil said more gently, under the room's AC and the hum of the massive lights and the snap of his lens. He leaned to look at some of the pictures he was taking passively. "You can really feel it through the lens."

Thena rolled her eyes briefly. Gil never directed her on how to pose or stand or move in these shoots, leaving her somewhat idle. "Well, that is certainly part of the job--for people to feel my laugh?"

"It's my job, actually," he corrected her liberally, enjoying the way she looked annoyed with him for just a second. "I may be taking some pictures of a dress, but the actual point of photography is to capture the feeling of a moment. The vibe, or emotion, or whatever is happening in that split second."

"Poetic," she murmured, walking around the simple stand on which she had been seated before. If Gil wasn't going to tell her what to do then she would just pace around until he did.

"My job is capture the subject at its best, right?" he continued, even moving into the space to remove the stupid wooden block. "And I think your best is when you're relaxed, maybe even having a little fun?"

She had a regretful amount of fun when she was with him. It made the rest of her work grating and tiresome in his absence. "I thought you said I wasn't an object."

"You're not an object, or the product," he said softly, finally moving to direct her or position her or something. "But you are the subject. I don't think it would matter if you weren't; no one would be able to look at anything else anyway."

Thena kept her eyes on him as he held out his hand, letting her guide herself to him. He moved her gently, as if her were leading her in a dance. He watched the lights and shadows, testing where was the best position for them--for her.

Gil scrunched his mouth just a little, "they don't need to put this much makeup on you."

Thena shrugged, "part of the job."

Gil finally found the spot where he wanted her, somewhat at an angle to the camera, but not exactly in profile either. "The next dress has a totally different vibe to it. I'll tell them to give you the 'no makeup' look."

Which of course, still required makeup, just that it look like she didn't have any.

Thena's hand slipped out of his slowly, their fingers clinging to each other. She pulled her hand back to herself slowly until she could fold her hands together again. "Here?"

He shrugged, going back to the display screen on his camera. "It's not like you have a bad side."

Her smile grew again. "The dress might."

"I don't even like this dress."

Thena's laugh bubbled out of her before she could stop it. She looked somewhat over her shoulder at him again, "what?"

"Yeah, it's-" Gil waved his fingers in the air, "I dunno--silly."

She raised both brows at him, "it's silly?"

"No regular person would wear this," he gestured towards her.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's impractical!"

"It's a dress!"

"Would you wear it?"

Thena pursed her lips; he had her there. "Maybe not in the everyday."

"The dress looks like it's half of one dress and then they forgot to make the bottom half," Gil moved his hands to gesture accordingly, making her laugh more. "And then they went, 'oh, we forgot, just take one square of all these other dresses and add them on the bottom' and that was that."

Thena dabbed at the corners of her eyes to make sure her makeup was undisturbed. She shook her head at him, "you're terrible."

"Better than that dress."

"Is that why you're photographing the back of it?" she asked back at him again until finally he nodded her back over to him. She fluffed the breezy fabric around her as she walked. He was right, it did look like a strip of the dress was missing and had been filled in with whatever curtains they had lying around.

"It's a 3/4 at most," he brushed off, clicking through his gallery to show her the photo on which he had decided. "This is the one."

It was a beautiful photo. It showcased the dress' best features while underplaying the odd structure of it. And she looked...she looked like she had never been happier.

"Well?" he looked at her almost eagerly, "what do you think?"

Thena found herself nearly nose to nose with him before taking a long step back. She tucked her hair back again, "I'm not the client, nor the one who hired you. I don't think it matters."

Gil shrugged blithely, uncaring of her dismissal. "It's a picture of you, I want to know what you think."

Thena sighed. It was a beautiful photo. The photograph made her feel beautiful. And he was right--she could practically hear her laughter in picture. She looked down at the dress as she smoothed down the bodice, "it's a lovely photograph, Gilgamesh."

"The first of many," he promised as he set aside his camera and stretched. He had achieved in twenty minutes what Tony hadn't been able to do in an hour straight of nonstop clicking. "I'm hungry--you?"

"Starved."

"I guess that's a given," Gil said mostly to himself, although Thena still heard him and slapped him on the arm for it. "Delivery lunch?"

"Anything," she let out in a sigh, her posture sagging again. She wandered out from under the lights. Once she didn't have actual thousands upon thousands of watts aimed at her it was a little chilly in the air conditioned loft space.

Gil laid her robe over her bare shoulders gently, "you get comfortable. We'll break for lunch and try the second dress on when hair and makeup comes in for the afternoon."

Thena could have thanked him, but he was already wandering to the other end of the open space, scrolling through various delivery apps for options.

#Thenamesh AU #I loved this prompt #I thought it was super cute #And do I know anything about what modelling is like? no #but I did work a little bit with film #and the point of both of those mediums to convey something #and I think Gil got one (1) picture of Thena's laugh #and decided then and there that he had never captured anything so beautiful #and now every picture that's not her is just okay in his opinion #he does the work pays his bills #but the agency invites him to work with her after their last shoot #very successful btw #and he jumps at the chance #like books a plane ticket before they've even written him back jumps #Thenamesh Photographer AU

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: What are you doing Saturday? Janis: Trick question, you're getting out my pocket and I'm cashing in that favour Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: You don't know what it is yet Janis: might be a step too far, far as favours go Jimmy: go on, spit it out Janis: It's really shit, I'm aware, before you say it Janis: but it's my sister's kid's birthday party and I can't get out of it apparently 'cos they're little and shit so I have to make an appearance 😒 Janis: as if it'd remember but you know Jimmy: how old? Jimmy: that factors into how shit it'll be before you assume I'm baking or buying balloons Janis: you just have to come with not plan it Janis: oh and you could bring bobby if you need to Jimmy: alright Janis: it's a 1st birthday but there'll be kids his age too so Janis: only you and I need suffer 'cos I said so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you don't have to but Jimmy: I said alright Jimmy: calm it down, my dear Janis: I am calm Janis: they're extra, is what I'm trying to warn you Jimmy: I've met Gracie, I reckon that's fair warning Janis: just saying Janis: pretend you're mute if any of them start yapping Jimmy: 💪 and 🤐 got it Janis: 😏 your specialty, exactly Jimmy: nowt challenging bout none of it Janis: trust, there is Janis: but thanks Jimmy: if you ain't up to it, mate Jimmy: just saying, I am Jimmy: no challenge too big Janis: already told you, got no choice, like Janis: not ability it's desire Jimmy: 🎻💔🎻 Jimmy: don't need owt but desire for me Janis: 🙄 lord Janis: do I need to warn them about you as well 😏 Jimmy: you telling me you ain't Janis: my family have low standards Janis: you're basically an 😇 to them Janis: soz to your rep Jimmy: properly 😢💔💔💔😢 Janis: I know Janis: such a bad boy, like Janis: but you know you ain't knocked me about or knocked me up so winner Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: apparently the dress code is kinda well, dressy so Janis: another warning Jimmy: what are you saying about my clothes there, babe? Janis: I like your clothes Janis: but awkward enough without feeling underdressed Janis: fuck knows what I'll find to put on Jimmy: take me shopping then, rich girl Jimmy: sort yourself out at the same time Janis: ugh Jimmy: come on Jimmy: it'll be a laugh Janis: alright Janis: it won't but why not Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 👍 Janis: when you wanna go Jimmy: when are you gonna gimme that real enthusiasm that I crave? Janis: I can't be excited about playing dress up, soz Jimmy: be excited about trying clothes on with me, dickhead Janis: alright Janis: 😏 I'll try Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: we can go in a bit then Janis: you at work? Jimmy: not gonna let on that I'm with my other girlfriend 👵💕 Jimmy: bit rude that Janis: rather know Janis: might have some fashion I can cop Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: hang on, I'll have a look Janis: tah Jimmy: florals 👍 or 👎 Janis: probably 👍 but I think it'd spontaneously combust if it touched me so Janis: '💎💎 EXTRA 🍾!!!!!!!!! HONEY 💋 But also make it pink & girlie 🌸🌺🌺🌸' is what we're going for Janis: as if that means anything Jimmy: Gracie, Gracie, Gracie Jimmy: what the fuck Jimmy: she'd be good for a borrow as long as you scrub yourself after Janis: however did you guess 🙄 Janis: bit rude to say about your missus Jimmy: I serve her ☕ every day Jimmy: on form today you an' all Janis: poor you Janis: and what are you talking about Jimmy: take my compliments about how funny you are and shut up Janis: don't tell me to shut up just 'cos you're busy with your main bitch Janis: learn some time management if you're gonna keep this up Jimmy: you're my main, she's one of many side chicks Jimmy: get it right Janis: 😩😭😍 Janis: so sweet Jimmy: 💕 Janis: gonna need to pre-drink this Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: getting us both wrecked Janis: the only way I can remotely do this Jimmy: I won't let you end up face down in the cake like my mum was for our kid's 1st Jimmy: not a #mood Janis: no Janis: only so much trauma you can bill as character building Janis: this little fuck already has enough Jimmy: I'll buy the kid an orchestra Janis: entertainment sorted Jimmy: 👍 Janis: going for a run Janis: in a bit Jimmy: run my way Janis: nah it's okay Janis: I'm not in the mood Janis: a good one Jimmy: and what? Jimmy: miserable twat every day me Janis: idk Janis: I just Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: why else do you think I want you here, girl? Janis: what do you mean? Jimmy: my only job ain't pouring coffee Jimmy: might cheer you up Jimmy: weird idea, I know Janis: great Janis: now I sound like a dick Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: shit sounds like how it is Janis: I can't explain Janis: it'd take me forever and you don't need to know Janis: I just hate being around them Jimmy: You just said as much as you needed to Jimmy: we ain't gotta ⛏️ Jimmy: left the mines behind, like Janis: alright Janis: but maybe I'm not ready to be cheered up Janis: all we do is bullshit being happy 'round here Jimmy: solidarity for feeling like shit even easier Janis: babe Jimmy: ? Janis: don't be nice Jimmy: alright Janis: convincing Jimmy: 🔪🔪alright 💔💔 Jimmy: better? Janis: you couldn't be mean if you tried 😏 Jimmy: are you challenging me? Janis: not really Janis: idk what I want Janis: be nice maybe Jimmy: baby Janis: mm Janis: I really hate everyone but you Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: bollocks to everyone else Janis: maybe that's what I wanted Janis: feels good anyway Janis: never don't Janis: Oh, and I love you too Jimmy: are you running? 'cause you're typing like you might be on it Janis: how presumptuous Janis: also don't do yourself down like that, it's not the ONLY time I ever say it Jimmy: 😏 Janis: not what I mean Janis: filth Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: who else you chatting to? Janis: just the side hoes Janis: obvs Jimmy: 👋 Janis: are you saying hello to them or bye to me Jimmy: might be either Jimmy: keeping you guessing like that Janis: 🙄 Janis: so mysterious Jimmy: come here to me and I'll let you know Janis: quite the offer Jimmy: take it then Janis: hot Jimmy: 'course I am Janis: 😏 Janis: maybe I've had some drink but you can't blame me Jimmy: how much catching up I gotta do? Janis: do you have the shit mood to double down with Janis: if not just keep me company Janis: I miss you Jimmy: where am I going then? Janis: i'm coming there doofus Jimmy: I'm near done, we can go wherever Janis: home? Jimmy: I get it, you want real love 🐶💕 Janis: mhmm Janis: read my mind Jimmy: I can't promise she's home alone waiting for you though Janis: we're never alone Jimmy: I'll take you somewhere we can be Janis: yeah? Jimmy: I'm thinking Janis: hot Jimmy: don't put me off Janis: I'm down to barricade the door don't worry Jimmy: you're so Janis: I know Jimmy: I miss you too Janis: how much Jimmy: how much do you think? Janis: not enough Jimmy: what's enough? Janis: so much that we never leave bed again Janis: not much to ask for really Jimmy: what about so much we barely make it to bed? Jimmy: and then we never leave Janis: 😋 Janis: that's allowed Jimmy: good 'cause nobody can stop me Jimmy: that's how much I miss you, girl Janis: don't stop Janis: you're killing me Jimmy: I just said I can't Janis: good Jimmy: I've missed you all day Janis: it's unfair I can't be with you all the time actually Jimmy: I could get you a job here but I'd have to teach you some customer service first Janis: can't even say it's rude Janis: just fair Jimmy: get over here, lesson starts when you show up Janis: 😏 Janis: you do remember what happened when I turned up at your last job, yeah Jimmy: I weren't fuming about that then and I ain't gonna be now Janis: okay Janis: omw for my trial shift Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: kicking the stranglers out, I reckon you need 1 on 1 instruction Janis: shit Janis: okay Janis: taking this very serious now Jimmy: it is serious, don't be pissing about Janis: aye aye Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt remember Janis: are you doubting me Janis: always 🥇 Janis: main bitch, remember Jimmy: giving you a chance to prove me wrong 'cause you're about that Jimmy: I'm gonna give you everything you want Janis: I really like you, you know Jimmy: main bitch an' all #obvs Janis: you know it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: are you gonna let me wear the apron or what Janis: the real questions Jimmy: what else are you gonna be wearing? Janis: nothing pink Janis: that's for sure Janis: the rest is up to you Jimmy: I heard nothing let's go with that Janis: works for me Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: I ain't requesting that be your uniform whenever you're on shift though, even if tips would be at a record high Jimmy: I can't be smacking every dickhead that comes in Janis: You're cute Jimmy: You're Janis: hanging on the edge of my seat, like Janis: what 😏 Jimmy: making me not wanna leave work Jimmy: such a skill that Janis: I'm motivational Janis: hire me for that alone Jimmy: convincing too Janis: sounds promising Janis: still, put me through my paces, like Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: It ain't an easy job, babe Janis: I can take it Janis: 💪 Jimmy: I know Janis: k have you got rid of everyone, nearly there Jimmy: on my own 💔🎻🎻 Janis: my poor baby Jimmy: Get a move on Jimmy: I need you Janis: [showin' up] Jimmy: [enthusiastic welcome before she's even really through the door cos we know he would] Janis: [just telling him how bad you missed him between kisses] Jimmy: [being very vocal in between kisses too but not with words] Janis: ['that's customer service is it?' 'cos clearly about it] Jimmy: ['keen, you ain't even in the door yet' but he ain't stopping any of what he's doing to let her lol] Janis: [puts one foot in like a nerd 'come on, gimme a chance, like'] Jimmy: [picks her up and carries her over the threshold like a bigger nerd] Janis: ['just want the job, if I'm honest, not your last name but' but you're grinning 'cos you love it] Jimmy: ['what makes you think I wouldn't take yours?' and grinning back cos imagine haha he's the whitest 'what were it again?'] Janis: [says it excessive accented] Jimmy: [shamelessly 😍 cos that's hot] Janis: [rolls her eyes 'cos always a thing but not mad] Jimmy: [leads her over to the counter and doing like a ghost pottery wheel style mood because down to the business of closing up but make it flirty] Janis: [just loving life and purposely messing up (but not drastically, not a dick lmao) so he has to show her again] Jimmy: [we're all just loving life being nerds] Janis: ['so, I got the job, right?' and a LOOK of course] Jimmy: [giving her a LOOK back and putting the apron on her as he takes other shit off her like maybe lemme just see how this looks] Janis: ['if any of your co-workers walk in right now, I swear to god' but showing off what your mama gave ya] Jimmy: [just loling 'could be your co-workers too' cos give her them compliments and then kisses obvs] Janis: ['don't worry, you'll still be my favourite'] Jimmy: [casually gonna just put her on that counter like the time at the CG when they put on a show for the squad but this time there ain't no audience bye] Janis: [just smiles like this is why and we know the rest honey] Jimmy: [god bless you babies then go home and snuggle Twix like that's your job] Janis: [when she called it home, bye] Jimmy: [technically it is cos we said she was moving in and he was getting a bigger bed so] Janis: [yeah but emotions boo] Jimmy: [you know it got me bitch] Janis: [just wait 'til you have your own forreal kids] Jimmy: [I will cry when we do that, don't even] Janis: [but for now, there's a party you don't wanna be at]

[generousbouquetchopshop-us-blog]

The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. (NOT tonight - I just mean at some point in our lives - this is NOT a terrorist attack - believe me, I do NOT have malicious or evil intentions - well in my opinion at least, but sometimes our perception of ourselves differs to how others perceive us - but does that really matter? All I care about is what I think about myself) Wait, Hang On I Lied. There's one more certainty in life. That you and I are human beings. (Well, I do hope so. After all, I only know who I am. And only you know who you are) Yes I tried my best to think of an engaging first liner to grab your attention. (And if you're still reading this now - it must have worked!) I was just worried with all the 'clutter' and 'competition' out there that you could potentially miss this. And yes that's also why I have the photo of a cute baby. And also because we were all once babies at some point in our lives (well unless you came out another way which is not a certain opening in a female body) And before you amazing security officers out there, Who work super hard to protect your citizens, Even on the weekend (which is meant for rest with family) (and shout out to everyone in Australia who still worked today on Mother's Day -your sacrifice of your treasured time which could have been spent with your Mother (the technical economic term is opportunity cost - in case you were wondering - yes I know you all are secretly nerds) Will never be forgotten) Ok so back to you security officers Think of shutting this down, I assure you that this is NOT a security threat. It is NOT an act of cyber terrorism. 'So what is it then?' - you find yourself thinking (Yes I am a mind reader) Today marks a turning point in the course of mankind. Today marks a day that hope is restored in the world. What you are seeing today will be written in history books for future generations to come. We will make it in a Guinness World Record Book for 1. The most number of people clicking going on a facebook event 2. The most number of people posting on a facebook event page 3. The most number of people sharing the same message across social media I know what you're thinking. Well this girl sounds 'ambitious' Which were common responses I got Well yes, This is 'ambitious' I think so too But 'ambitious' and 'reality' are NOT mutually exclusive (is this the right term? I always struggled with probability in maths) But it's going to happen - keep reading on if you would like to see how history is going to be made :) (But technically, history is being 'made' every single day by each and every one of us just be being alive - even going to the toilet and eliminating waste is technically 'making' history) Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. (And news outlets out there! Please choose a decent photo of me [ie. not one where my armpit hair is showing] Actually, I don't mind if you can find a photo of me with armpit hair. (Yes - that's a challenge!) (We all have hair - I don't see what's the big deal) (Why would you want to see a photo of me with armpit hair when you can just strip yourself down [yes I put this in just for you - you know who you are xD] and just lift up your arm and VOILA!!! Hair before your very eyes!!!!! ) (I'm actually super hairy In my opinion For a girl) Also, I'm going to keep on ranting about this (again, PMS is a real thing for the female population - have sympathy for us fellas!) Another thing I do not understand is why we must wear clothes And in some places in the world, Such as Australia, We can actually get charged with a criminal offence (and maybe be put in gaol) For stripping down in certain public places (with some exceptions such as nude beaches which are mainly filled with elderly people right now - I reckon we can diversify that a little) And showing our 'private parts' (but are our 'private parts' really even that 'private' after all if we all have them? (well I know it differs between females and males)) but yeah - and some of us have unique bodies - either born naturally or through operations - I respect that - it's your life and you choose how you would like to live it - and which gender you would like to live as and which private parts you would like to have) And in some places like Australia, Myth has it that the bigger something (something in a similar shape to a sausage) is The more masculine a male is Well to me, that's absolutely bullshit I don't know how these 'myths' even originated! All sizes are beautiful to me! Ok, so back to me and armpit hair: I filled in one of my friends' survey about hair and shaving yesterday. Why is shaving a thing anyways? We all have hair on our bodies (well some more than others but we all do) Why is it often socially unacceptable for girls have to have cleanly shaven armpits when they wear sleeveless tops or dresses? And why is often socially acceptable for males to not shave?? Now that is gender discrimination to the max! Why is this NOT written in the Discrimination Act in Australia?? (or maybe it is - I have to admit I haven't read it - and I highly doubt that my fellow Australian peers have either - but apologies! If it is in there!) And on that note of Discrimination, It is so real And close It still happens today in the 21st century!!! Right here in Australia This week, I had the privilege of talking to a beautiful Indigenous lady I've always been curious of Indigenous Australian culture (do you know that Indigenous Australian culture is the oldest surviving culture in the entire world???) WOW Because I certainly didn't know this. If Australia was a person And let's just say I was that person for theoretical purposes I would go around showing that off I would tell everyone I would tell the entire world I would be super proud of that I would make sure the entire world knows (but why doesn't the entire world know?- well maybe it's only me who is oblivious and ignorant and unaware - and maybe all of you do know this - please correct me if I'm wrong) Ok, so yeah. This beautiful Indigenous lady (and I do remember your name - I just want to make sure I respect your privacy before I decide to put your name here for the world to see because there's no way that I have been able to contact you) Said her dream was to become a cook (yes you go girl!) And she applied for a cook job recently. She was called in for an interview. But as soon as she showed up, They told her the position had been filled Now if that isn't discrimination to the max, I don't know what you call that I was super angry when I heard this. Now those of you who know me know that I don't normally get angry It takes quite a bit to get Leeann angry (I give off the impression of being a calm, controlled, sweet, pure and innocent girl) If I was present at the time, I would've taken those café owner(s) to court. And sue you for breaching the Discrimination Act Because the legislation is real and it is properly enforced (well I don't work in the legal field so I actually wouldn't know) But nothing in the world (I believe) cannot be resolved with Honest and open Communication. Just by opening our mouths and making some sounds (I think that's what we call a language), Together, we can solve any problem And we must learn to be accountable And take responsibility for our own actions Like a girl (why do we tend to say man? Are we trying to imply that females are less brave than men? My fellow female population Let's band together and prove them wrong -Trust me boys, you never mess with girls, We will make sure You Rue For The Rest Of Your Life Until The Moment You Die :) [just kidding XD- no I'm not kidding here] Yes, we must take responsibility for our own actions like a girl (I remember seeing a campaign trying to challenge gender stereotypes a couple of years back - that was awesome! I forgot what it was called though but I do remember it so it means it was effective) And I will illustrate this with something we all do -fart. Why do we feel the need to suppress our urges to fart? If you stink up a room with your own smelly gas, Then at least do it proudly! Make it as loud as possible! And admit it was you! And apologise maybe! OR, if that's too scary for you, I have another suggestion which has largely been inspired by one of my close mates (who I'm sure would probably appreciate it if I don't name and shame them - your very welcome in advance =D) This is no magic but You simply tell the person you're talking to or the people around you that you need to fart And head outside To do the deed. Then walk back in. And continue with your life. Easy. See, life isn't at all that complicated is it? (I know! I'm a genius!!!) Prior to my launch tonight, I shared my initiative 'Die To Live' with some fellow peers. I had many people who doubted me. But I also had many people who had absolute faith. Now, I don't blame those of you who I spoke to and doubted me. If someone told me that at Sunday 9pm on the 13th of May, 2018, Hope will be restored in the world, That the world will be changed And that it will be a major event in history, I will look at them And think they're nuts! (And no, in case you were wondering, I don't mean the pecan nut, macadamia nut, or peanut) And some of these people also looked like they wanted to lock me up in a mental health hospital. But what does it even mean to be 'mentally ill?' Am I considered 'crazy' just because I have different opinions that nobody else seems to have? Does that make me 'mentally ill?' (Correct me if I'm wrong, but in my humble opinion, that just means I'm a human being) While we're on the topic of 'mental illness,' Check out the School of Life and one of their recent videos Called something along the lines of - why the modern society makes us mentally ill I watched it over breakfast yesterday and could not agree more (i promise that this is not paid advertising/product placement or whatever we choose to call it) Because it's so good that I voluntarily choose to 'advertise' for them The School of Life does not need any paid marketing (yes you girls are awesome!) But at the same time, Yes, I get you. I wouldn't believe it either Until I see it unfold Before my very eyes Myself. But I certainty would not lock someone with different thoughts to mine in a mental health hospital, away from the rest of society. I would simply respect their opinion, try to understand and empathise from their point of view and then move on with my life. And I also had one special 'case.' You know who you are. You're the person I bumped into and didn't think I was 'insane' but instead thought I was plotting to commit suicide at 9pm Sunday May 13th and then upload 13 videos onto Facebook with each video incriminating a different person who lead me to end my life. -Just like the TV series - 13 reasons why Oh you funny!! (but I'm even funnier xD) But you had faith in me and that's all that matters :D Life is NOT a Television series!!! (For those of you who don't know what a TV is - it is essentially a virtual reality -trust me though, it's nothing special - and you're not missing out - because you're living your own reality instead - and I believe that is infinite times cooler than watching someone else's) But what I don't understand is why some of you who doubted me had absolute faith in science. (I'm not throwing shade here [or am I? - well too bad too sad because you'll never know what goes through my mind] but Shout out to that person I had an extremely heated intense friendly 2 hour banter sesh about science and religion a couple of days ago) Those words you used cut me But I forgive you Because I know you didn't mean it Because, in my humble opinion, science is a belief system in itself based off faith. For example, most of us in today's era believe that the Earth is round. And this is 'proven' to us through science. But until I personally travel up into space and view the Earth from a distance with my own very eyes, I refuse to believe this as an absolute 'truth.' (but even then, I may not even trust my own eyes - they could be lying to me - I could just be hallucinating) We often like to think we are 100% certain of many things in our everyday lives. Perhaps uncertainty makes us feel uneasy. In my opinion, we dislike uncertainty. Which is why we try to structure our lives and lock ourselves in some kind of routine to try and eliminate uncertainty (but this is simply NOT possible in my opinion - the only certainty in life is death - but even that's not even certain) Who said we should eat 3 meals a day - Breakfast Lunch And Dinner (for those of you who don't know what I'm rambling on about - because I'm aware you may or may not have ever eaten a proper meal (yet) - they're just names some of us use to tell ourselves when we should eat) Wouldn't hunger be a better indicator of when to eat instead of locked in time periods? And who said that we should aim for 5 serves of vegetables and 2 serves of fruit per day or something along those lines? (Yes it's a rhetorical question - I know who - 'official' nutritional guidelines or something I think) Because for me, if I know that the only certainty in life is death I would rather eat what I want to eat If I enjoy the taste of it But at the same time, it is all about the 'balance' (as Katherine Du likes to say) (there will be more on food and eating in the second part of my 'story' -I'm not going to tell you all of it now -just to make sure you keep reading heeeheheheee) And who decided that humans should sleep once a day? And it has to be at nighttime? And who came up with the guidelines that children need about 9-10 hours of sleep per night And that adults need about 6-8 hours per night? (Yes I know - it is scientifically 'proven' - but how did you scientists come up with these numbers? In saying this, I have the most utmost respect for you scientists -I'm just curious -it's hard work working in labs -I have some mates studying science/medicine and they tell me about their 4 hour lab sessions When I heard this, I was angry Because That's torture! Abuse of human rights!! Because I get hungry every 2-3 hours!!!) Wouldn't sleepiness and fatigue be more appropriate signals of when to sleep? Mum, I know you will read this. I did tell you that your friend's daughters will probably read my 'story' first Then tell their parents Then they will call you up And tell you to read this. (I wasn't at all wrong about that was I?) I have to main things I would like to say to you mummy: 1. Happy mother's day! 2. I love you Remember two nights ago when I got home and slept at 7pm Without eating dinner? And you were upset the next morning that I didn't eat your food? I apologise again if I hurt you, But I feel like it was not that necessary to 'lash out at me' when I asked (just innocently out of curiosity): Who decided that humans should eat 3 meals a day? OK so back to the science and religion 'friendly banter' I had Once again, the only certainty in life is death. (and I will repeat this numerous times throughout my 'story' just to annoy you - <3 - I challenge you to count how many times I mention that - and maybe there will be a prize for the person who gets the right number or gets closest to the right number! - just like those jelly bean in a jar guessing competitions! - just kidding - I'm not serious on this one - I can't be bothered to count myself - I have bigger fish to fry ;)) People thousands of years back were 100% certain that the Earth was flat. But they were somehow 'proven' to be 'wrong'. Now we (or just me) are 100% certain that the Earth is round. So in my humble opinion, we can only 'disprove' things but never 'prove' things. We merely get less 'wrong' each time round (Manson, 2016) But we are never 100% 'right.' Anything is possible. (Well maybe besides eternal life beyond Earth - but even that is not 100% impossible) So, an anonymous person who wishes not to be named recently brought to my attention how Fast the world is changing around us. For example, Facebook was invented in 2004 - it's only been 14 years - but I seem to hardly remember any parts of my life without Facebook in it) Wikipedia was launched in 2001 (and I didn't get this one from Wikipedia) (I don't know how I wouldn't 'survived' all those assignments without you! Thank you Jimmy Wales and Larry Sanger! And bless all you other inventors out there who invented something useful to humanity! Again, bless you all who believed me without needing to see it happen. You know who you are. I will never forget how you made me feel. There is nothing that fuels the human spirit like faith. (unless it's more alcohol) Complete And Utter Faith. Even my mother who raised me for 19 years and whom I crawled out of her (something - let's just say body) Doubted me. Yet some of you had utter and complete faith in me within minutes of talking to you for the very first time. And I reiterate again (mum, I'm not throwing shade at you here) If I had a daughter and she told me she's on a quest to change the world this Sunday at 9pm on Mother's Day, I (I don't know what I would do but I would probably not believe her) So….back to how Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'read' because I am also aware that language translation will be needed. TIP: Try copy and pasting this into google translate! (man technology does wonders!!!) And also because not all of us are blessed to be taught how to read. As to why I chose to use English, It's because it just happens to be the language I'm most fluent in. And also because, for some reason, English also happens to be the 'universal' language used across the world. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'see' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to see. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'listen' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to hear. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'smell' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to smell. (this doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm saying today because in my humble opinion, I don't think we can smell a story??? - well feel free to prove me wrong - nothing is certain in life besides death. TBH (to be honest), I just wanted repetition for a couple of lines because I learnt in high school English, that it will help deliver my message across) And I also say 'eventually' because not everyone in the world as it currently stands has even seen what 'technology' looks like, let alone have access to social media. That’s why I'm relying on YOU all to translate my message and communicate it to these fellow peers. I'm just one person. And I need your help. I can't do this alone (but I will if I have to -but ideally not!) So you find yourself still thinking…. 'Ok, I still have no idea what this post is about.' (Yes I am actually a mind reader) Apologies! I'm only human and I'm flawed and I do occasionally get just a little side-tracked and distracted. You're life has value. You were born for a reason. And I will prove it to you. (Yes - I remember whispering this in one beautiful human's ear a couple of days ago. This beautiful human was so selfless and looked out for me when I was not in the best state of self (this hero walked into the female toilets since I was chundering and got kicked out of security guards as a result) (this hero was prepared to take me home on a 1.5 bus ride at like 11pm at night towards a direction which was completely opposite to where he/she lived) (and this hero probably got some of my churned up mix of food and alcohol on them too - soz) (and I apologise again for that other beautiful human who I chundered on their hand -soz not soz - HAHAHA -I do mean it when I say that (now you're probably wondering which part I'm referring to [well you'll never know! Heheee - <3] ) And thank you to you too! You know who you are! I love our long-as text message chats! And that card you wrote me for my 18th last year -those words really touched me Even though we meet up like once (ok I may be using hyperbole here - I'll say twice) a year, You mean the world to me To me, friendships and relationships in general are much more than hanging out in real life, To me, friendships and relationships are more about having that emotional/spiritual connection with another human being To me, friendships and relationships are not defined by physical presence (although I do believe hanging out in real life is nice too - but life sometimes takes us in different directions - and that is not always possible) You may love another person dearly, but that doesn't mean you necessarily have to be together with a physical presence. 'True' love, in my opinion, is when you genuinely want the best for the other person And being genuinely happy to see them happy Yes that night at Metro Theatre in the city, I got kicked out by security guards within 30 minutes of going inside for a combined university event. I think (and you never trust a drunk person's memory) I had about 11 shots of straight vodka that night (looking back, that was not the best idea) Those security guards who kicked us out were not the nicest people. I know that Deep Deep Deep Deep Deep Down That you guys are beautiful people - just please bring it to the surface and show it to the world You could've been a lot more nicer. After I got kicked out and as I was walking towards Maccas (yas I love you maccas - happy meals were my childhood - why are soft serves $0.75 now? They used to only be $0.30! Inflation is a real thing! That's why I love economics! - I'm expecting a massive surge in economics students both at high school and university heheehee - economics teachers and lecturers - you are very welcome XD) In my drunken and semi-conscious state, I remember vaguely rambling on saying things like Why are people like this? Why are people so mean? Why is the world like this? And probably also crying my chunder out at the same time I was always that good straight A studious nerdy student who always did my homework on time and listened to the teacher in class. I waited till I was 18 until I had my first legal drink. (well I did occasionally have some sips of wine at home over dinner but nothing substantial until I turned 18 -unlike most Asian dads, My dad encouraged me to drink at home - he was more than happy! - you're cool dad xD - just wanted to let you know that) I was at a university first years camp when I had my first drink. I remember feeling sad because the alcohol was way too diluted -and I was too 'heavy-weight' -and I couldn't physically drink that much fluid to feel drunk because I was too full Looking back, I was probably drunk and was probably on the verge of my limit But I didn't know because I've never felt what it was like to be 'drunk' Then about a month and a half later, I went to one of my mate's surprise 18th I wanted to 'test' my 'limit' I drank as many different types of alcohol I could get my hands on Rum Vodka Soju Gin White wine Red wine Whiskey Tequila You Name It (well probs besides Maotai which is $$$$ - and we were all young dumb and broke uni students - yes Khalid I love you) And you can probably guess How my night turned out My face was in the bathroom sink for about 3 hours (well it felt like 10 minutes to me but I've realised my perception is super distorted while under the influence) Thank you to those who accompanied me for the entirety or a part of those 3 hours - I'm sure it didn't make it onto the best nights of your life list I remember feeling so ashamed after. I could not stop thinking about it for at least 3 weeks. My reputation! Like most people who chunder for the first time, I vowed that It Wouldn't Happen Again. (deep inside I knew it would because I just wasn't happy and I knew I would turn to more alcohol to distract myself from that constant emptiness but I didn't see another alternative back then) But my brother and mates weren't at all that 'wrong' when they said something along the lines of That's what they all say. Within a couple of weeks (or months - if that detail matters), I Unsurprisingly Chundered Again. And then I repeated what I said previously. And I got the same responses as I did before (kind of like déjà vu) And then the cycle kept repeating itself so many times that I lost count of how many times I chundered Because I stopped caring My 'reputation' was damaged beyond repair anyways And I was happy with the new me (the person who started to care less about what others thought of me) I was always that super good girl who was sweet, nice and 'innocent' (whatever that means) But what does it even mean to be 'innocent?' What's the definition? A lot of my friends had often commented that when they first met me I seemed like an innocent girl then they realised they were 'wrong' like super 'wrong' - completely off Does the fact that I love alcohol And the fact that I've chundered more times than I remember And the fact that I like to squeal at high pitches to the point it may cause long term ear damage (apologies to those people who I have damaged your hearing permanently) And the fact that I really enjoy raves And love waking up to hardstyle music every morning And chucking a phat (someone please explain to me why it's spelt with a 'ph' - I tried googling but I never found an answer - I guess you can't find all the answers to life's problems on google) Muzz To start my day Make me any less 'innocent'? OK so back to that night I got kicked out of Metro Theatre. It was that night when I realised you beautiful humans had my back. And I will forever have yours too. You are all beautiful. And I still remember that night like it was tonight. And I will never forget it. It is around 9pm here where I am in Sydney, Australia right now. There are approximately 7.6 billion people in this world (rounded to 1 decimal place and 2 significant figures - or 'sig figs' - I'm not talking about the dried fruit here) (according to the World Population Clock at 12:18pm yesterday - Sydney time) I may just be one girl. But one girl can change the world. If you don't believe me, I will prove it to you. (200% guarantee Just take a screenshot of this message When you visit me in gaol/jail [depending on where you live in the world] Effective for one year within today HAHAHA in case you haven't realised already, I'm only kidding) Why must we rely on legal systems and laws to protect ourselves from lies? Why can't we rely on trust instead? I realise that it's probably impractical to scrap our legal systems together -but I do reckon mixing a bit of 'trust' into the mixture won't hurt And I am aware that I live in a hole (not literally) I have lived in Sydney, Australia for most of my life Which I know is not representative of the entire world. Some of the things I talk about may make absolutely no sense to you. But I only humbly ask that you take a moment to understand what some of your fellow peers on the other side of the globe go through on a daily basis or have experienced Even if it is super foreign to you. (If you check up on the news on a regular basis, This should be no different I guess But probs maybe just a bit more 'spicy' and realistic) I'm sure you would like to same favour (or should I say flavour HAHHAH - gosh I'm so funny!) to be returned to you. Can I count on you guys (and the entire female population - I don't know why it's normal to say 'guys' for both genders) to have a read of what I have to say first And try not to act on any prejudice or judgement Before you decide to shut it down? Yeah, sorry, I got a little side-tracked again So… The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. So what is the point of staying alive now if it's all going to come to an end? Why are we living to die instead of dying to live? All of us have a mother. (assuming you are all humans like me and started with 'something' that happened between a male and female) I love my mum. Without my mum I wouldn't be here tonight. Without my mum I wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with you tonight. Without my mum you wouldn't be reading this tonight. In Sydney, Australia, Today is Mother's Day. And it's no coincidence that I've chosen this day to connect with you. This is because today we show our appreciation for the beautiful and incredible woman who brought us into this world, whether she is here with you or not today. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who sucked up the discomfort of having a massive bulge sticking out of her belly for 9 months. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who suffered physical pain and bleed from childbirth. I don't think there can be any other pain greater than the pain of childbirth (well I haven't given birth so I guess I'm not qualified to say so) (Yes the cute baby photo was specifically chosen to capture your attention) Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who blessed us with a life full of opportunity. Mother's Day is today, in Australia. Why are we on social media? And I am no hypocrite here. Why am I myself on social media tonight? Why have we felt the need to create a 'Day' for all our 'Mothers' out there? Is it because, without a 'Mother's Day,' we will forget to love our 'Mothers'? Shouldn't our mothers be appreciated every single day? (Same for all the 'Father's' out there!!! I love you Dad) In the past, all I did for Mother's Day was go to the shops and buy a box of chocolates or some flowers or whatever was on "Mother's Day Sale." But I've realised there are many things that Money Cannot Buy. (feel free to prove me wrong here) There are many things that cannot be Bought And Sold Based on demand and supply on a Market (Yes I love economics!!!) Love. Time. Purpose. Faith. Hope. Life. The List Goes On And On . . . In my humble opinion, I feel like some meaningful celebrations have been overly commercialised in some 'developed' countries. I feel like Christmas Day is more about buying presents and decorating the Christmas tree. I feel like Easter Day is about eating chocolate shaped in an oval egg shape (or bunny or whatever fancy shape chocolate is moulded into to make it more appealing to buy and eat and make it seem different but at the end of the day it's just chocolate - well maybe different in the sense that it has differing percentages of cocoa content - I'm personally a big fan of dark chocolate! - I reckon 70% is just 'perfect' - well just 'right' - because nothing is 'perfect' but also nothing is 'right' - so yeah, I just contradicted what I just said). I feel like ANZAC Day is more about eating ANZAC cookies and buying things with the Australian flag printed on it. And I feel like Chinese New Year is more about receiving free money from relatives (as long as you are unmarried). Now, I'm not suggesting that you should all divorce or remain single for life and go become Chinese. I'm just telling you about my 'blood nationality' and our culture. Also, while we're on the topic of marriage, I am not at all against marriage (I think marriage is wonderful and Western white wedding dresses are super beautiful on brides), in my humble opinion, I don't really understand the point of marriage? To me, Love is about remaining loyal both physically and emotionally to another human of our own choosing (in my opinion, regardless of gender). Personally, I don't see the need to have my 'love' with another human solidified by the legal system under a notion called 'marriage.' I believe if we truly 'love' another person, We should be able to trust them to remain loyal (both emotionally and physically) to us without protection under the legal system And live together happily ever after (Yes I'm a big dreamer and lover of Disney and I believe in happily ever after fairytale endings with my Prince HEEEHEHEE) And, while we're on the topic of Princes and Princesses and fairytale endings, (I know we all love a good romance on such a dark, romantic night here in Australia and most stories told through mediums such as books and movies tend to have at least a touch of love in them And some have a bigger focus than others *Cough* *Cough* Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet) One of my favourite TV shows (back in the day I still used to watch TV) was the Bachelor/Bachelorette <3 But now I prefer to live in my own reality TV show instead of watching another's on an electronic screen To my Prince out there, (yes you know who you are) Who wishes not to be named (and shamed - hahah just kidding - Well, hopefully you don't find what I'm about to say to be too embarrassing) The way I fundamentally feel towards you has not changed one bit And I'm not talking about hate here (jokes! I lied! I actually feel even stronger towards you now <3) And gosh, No other human on Earth has ever made me cry as many times as you have. No one can compete with how many rivers on Earth I've filled with my salty tears. (everyone else reading this, please don't try to break the Guinness World Record here - I reckon I've had my fair share of tears and breakdowns) And I meant it when I said nobody has ever made me feel this way. (or something like I've never felt this way towards somebody - or the other way around - well I guess that's not important) (and well I guess it does make sense that everybody feels differently towards each person because they're different people) -that paragraph was very coherent - I know I've already told you this directly but repetition surely doesn't hurt! Thank you for always considering what is best for me in everything you've done. (Well I hope that's what you've been doing - only you know what's going inside that interesting head of yours) Thank you for teaching me the importance of honest and open communication. I would never forget that night when you asked me out in the most romantic location one could possibly think of. (Solid memz) (And great place IF we have any future anniversaries) Thank you for all the 'fun' experiences we've shared together (Yes you know which one I'm referring to in particular ;)) I hope we have many more nights just like that (well maybe just a bit more) You're a Tim Tam Because You're Simply Irresistible And you know which Guinness World Record of mine (or personal best) I would like to break ;) (please don't go finding another planet to live on to get away from me) And I love how we always go 'hunting' for the same places when we're out and about in public ;))))) I also would like to say that I miss you. A lot. <3 (AWWWWW) And I've been thinking about you A lot. (AWWWW) And Just like how I've previously never envisioned a life without a uni degree till this Monday, I've never been able to envision a life without you in it (and I probably won't be able to - but nothing is certain besides death - so I could be wrong I guess) I was never quite a full believer in soul mates Until I met you There was always a 'mystical' feeling I felt around you. I never understood what it was Until now I thought it was just 'lust' Or you were just secretly a 'fuckboi' (whatever that means) But I realised it was much more than that. OK, that's the last (massive) chunk of cheese I'm feeding you guys (for tonight). And I'm sure the rest of you have eaten enough cheese for the day. And I don't want to make you puke tonight. Because that's not my job -That's the job of your significant other <3 I don't know what you were expecting when I messaged you yesterday asking for your permission to have your first name in my 'story.' Well, since you said no, I assume you probably weren't expecting this. (man I had some great jokes I wanted to crack with your first name - GRRRRR) But again, as I have already told you, In this life, If we would like to have a nice and healthy relationship, We must accept the fact that we have the right to both reject and be rejected by others. And others hurt us but we also hurt others. That's just part of life. So, I respect your decision. I had to get that off my chest. Because now, When I'm on my deathbed, I don't have to be wondering what could've been had I chosen to tell you. Instead, When I'm on my deathbed, I can spend my last hours reflecting on what a wonderful life it's been Surrounded by my family and closest friends. Now, I've done everything I possibly could within my control. Now, it's all on you now. And please respect how it's a private matter between us two from now on. Your own love lives are much more interesting than mine. Trust me. Why would you want to see how someone else's story ends (or starts) when you can be writing your own 'story?' So go out there and tell that person you've been wanting to tell how you feel how you've felt all along! Be a girl! Growing up, it was always drilled into me that guys should be the ones chasing girls and girls should not chase guys. And that girls should play 'hard to get' Wouldn't life be so much simpler if you start feeling like you like someone, To say something along the lines of: "Hey. I like you. Do you feel the same way?" Then it can either only go one or two ways (Well we all hope it goes one particular way) And then you can move on happily with life and find someone else who also feels the same way and live happily ever after (well unless you're super unlucky and get a fence sitter And apologies, if that's the case, I don't have any further advice for you - you're on your own then xD) I used to think that expressing my emotions was a sign of weakness. I was 'wrong' (whatever it means to be 'wrong' or 'right') But I've realised it actually takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you feel hurt by something they've done. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you love them. But, in my opinion, by telling others how we feel, It actually liberates us. It allows us to make amends Instead of letting resentment build And then exploding later Like our own internal Big Bang Because in my Theory (I guess you can call it the Big Bang Theory), believe me, in my experience, I have exploded many times (not literally) By letting my resentment build (under the influence [heavy] of alcohol) If you don't believe me, Believe Bronnie Ware!! For those of you who don't know Bronnie, She worked as a palliative nurse for 8 years looking after people in their final days alive. And she writes in her book "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying," That one of the top 5 regrets she heard from people with limited time on Earth was that they wished they had the courage to express their own emotions. I used to put on a face and act like something that really hurt me didn't affect me at all. I don't understand why I aspired to be a 'psychopath.' Because a key characteristic of a 'psychopath' is that they feel no emotions. Our ability to feel emotions, whether that be: Happiness Disappointment Joy Anger Resentment Love Is what makes us human. Why do we attempt to 'dehumanise' ourselves? So back to marriage…. Again, I am not against marriage. Well, even if I am, why should you care? It's your life and you choose and how you would like to live it. And believe me, in my humble opinion, life is too short for you to spend a couple of minutes writing a nasty comment trying to convince me of the importance of marriage. (Well if you decide to do so, I'm absolutely honoured! because it means I'm super important to you because you care a lot about what I think) But for me personally, I would just like to wear a nice white pretty long wedding dress for fun and take some photos around my closest family and friends Anyways, got a little side tracked again. Back to the topic: I know that many of us struggle or have struggled to find meaning in life. I'm one of them. And I'll be sharing my story with you. I know if I don't wake up tomorrow, I can Rest In Peace. Apologies, if I have generalised or made false assumptions in parts of my 'story' by using words like "We." I know that there is no other certainty besides death. But sometimes, it is 'easier' to do so to illustrate a point I'm trying to make. I hope you understand. If you don't like what I have to say, you can either (Mark Manson): 1. Do nothing OR 2. Do something I value all opinions and perspectives. I only ask that you do so in a courteous and respectful manner. Growing up, my dad was always the logical one and less of a 'dreamer' than I was. I tried having D&M (Deep and Meaningful conversations) with my Dad but they never turned out the way I hoped. 'Dad, what do you think the meaning of life is?' 'There's no meaning. You live. You die. That's it.' Wow! So optimistic Dad!! I love you Dad! Growing up, you also 'tried' (and I use the word 'tried' because you weren't that successful in doing so) to drill into me that it was a waste of time and energy to 'care too much' about the world Because you said there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to accept life the way it is. Well, back to Mark Manson's two options, You can probably guess which path I decided to take (and it wasn't to accept it I Refuse to accept the world as it is) To all my fellow peers out there, If I have offended you, please let me know. I am not perfect. I don't try to be perfect. And I don't need to be perfect. And as much effort as I've put it and how hard I've tried to minimise resentment and offense, (Just like how I'm trying to be at the minimum point on the parabola And at the maximum point on the parabola with my impact) I'm only human. And so are you. And to further illustrate my point that nothing in this world is 'perfect' (apologies if this sounds like an essay), My 'story' is not fully edited. I've ran through it once - made some changes and this is what you're reading now. There are errors. There are bits repeated. There are bits that make no sense whatsoever. This is to further highlight my belief that nothing in the world is 'perfect' (or the real reason could just be that I'm lazy and cbbs editing it) LOL DISCLAIMER: I do not accept any legal responsibility for any tears shed Or any laughs shared Or any puke vomited from cheese overload in the process of reading my 'story.' (Oh and in case you haven't realised already It's also R rated And if you don't know what that means Adults only!! - just kidding, anyone can read my 'story') I reckon that our mental state would be a better measure of our 'real age' Because our age is just a 1, 2 (or 3) (or 4) (or more) digit number which doesn't indicate anything about our 'maturity' level (whatever that means) nor our 'wisdom' (whatever that means) You are reading at your own risk. Remember It's YOUR own life. And YOU choose how to live it. (Please show appreciation for the fact that I've been nice and have made this disclaimer at a font size that you can actually see) [Tip: Get a box of tissues ready (don’t worry if you don’t know what tissues are - they just help absorb our tears) You can live without them! Actually we can live without a lot of things If my house was on fire, i know what i would choose to take - nothing at all - nothing but myself and my family - I slept in a room with nothing [not literally] but a mattress laid on top of the carpet on the floor with a blanket, pillow, oxygen, walls, life and I was clothed too] And in case you were wondering, I didn't choose to do that for fun. My house was under renovations for a couple of weeks (we repainted the entire house and changed the entire carpet) And during those two weeks, I felt like I was 'homeless' I can't imagine what it's like to actually be sleeping out in the open on the streets Or being a refugee I felt like I was being kicked out of my own dwelling and I didn't belong - I felt lost and very uncomfortable OK, so here's my 'story'. https://leeannchn.wixsite.com/dietolive/single-post/2018/05/13/Lets-Not-Live-To-Die-but-Die-To-Live